#I’ve been missin for a hot minute but I’ll probably be back

[sunattacksthemoon]

look over at my sisters phone and saw wolfstar fanart. WOLFSTAR FANART?!!! She didn’t know who they were but I started freaking out and she was all confused. Anyways how y’all been😏😏

[itmighthavebeenintentional]

Walk Me Home - Ch 4

Summary: Twenty-four years ago, Kimberly Harper met a boy who changed the course of her entire life before up and leaving one night. She spent years moving past the memories, building a stable, satisfying career as professor of folklore and mythology at the local university. Then the accidents start, and she’s forced to seek help among her hunter contacts. All it takes is a knock on her office door to send Kimber’s carefully built emotional walls crumbling to the ground.

Featuring: Teen Winchesters, high school romance, reunions, misunderstandings, high intensity emotional turmoil, Dean’s love of pie, Dean being adorable, Sam being adorable and maybe a bit nosy eventually, much group adorkable-ness, show-style investigation, mention of our favorite werewolf, gratuitous and obvious love of fall, DID I MENTION ROMANCE, fluff, smut, tension. 

Warnings: Show level violence, show level parental neglect (let’s not John bash, I’m just saying), show-style witchcraft, show-level mental manipulation, stalking, bit of angst, sexual content (higher than show level),swearing, general yearning

Word Count: 2702

Author’s Note: At last!!! I almost didn’t make it, but here I am, literally in the eleventh hour (well, okay, three minutes to go until the eleventh hour, but still)! All the thanks to @mskathywrites , @fang, and @cracksinthewalls for editing, revision, flailing, and all that stuff I need. I still love this story, and I hope y’all will, too! 

Keep in Mind: There are a lot of flashbacks. I tried to write current events in present tense and flashbacks in past tense. Here’s hoping I got everything right!

Please read/heed the warnings. 18+ ONLY. 

In Case You Missed It: Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 ItMightHaveBeenIntentional’s Masterlist

Chapter 4

Kimber knows she’s staring, but she can’t stop herself. His fingers, rough and strong from years of the hardest work, brush circles over her wrists that send her pulse fluttering through her veins. So many emotions flicker behind his eyes, some of them mirroring her own, some of them alien and unreadable. So many years have passed, so much water under the bridge, as the saying goes. 

The thing is, he was completely right earlier. She could have called him, once she learned who he and his family were, once she found a way.

But he had left town with her phone number memorized. He was in a much more logical position to get in touch, and right away, at that. And he never did. She knows he had a good reason, a completely reasonable one that would make sense if she just asked him.

But she’s scared and drained and confused and more than a little ashamed, and she’s tired of making a fool of herself.

She drops her eyes before the tears fully form and murmurs a quiet thanks as she loosens her hands from his grip. Though walking away is not what she wants to do, she forces her legs straight to the bathroom, closing the door behind her with a firm click. 

She’ll feel better after a hot shower. That’s all she needs, a hot shower and a few hours of sleep. They’ll figure this out tomorrow, and then Dean and his brother will ride off into the sunset, and everything will go back to normal. She’ll go back to her classes as usual, helping out the occasional hunter or scholar with some lore, and she’ll bury all these feelings behind her heart again, drown them so deep they’ll never dream of resurfacing.

At least, that’s the fairy tale she tells herself as the scalding stream washes the saltwater from her cheeks. 

She actually does feel moderately restored by the time she steps out of the bathroom. She feels a little ridiculous in Dean’s clothing. The sleeves of the t-shirt hang past her elbows, and the pants legs are rolled up several times to keep her from tripping. 

At least the waist has a drawstring, she thinks as she rounds the corner back into the room. She pulls the towel from her hair, shaking it out a little just as Dean looks up from his laptop at the small table. His mouth opens, eyes widening. She’s not sure because of the poor lighting of the room, but his face seems to color a little as his eyebrows lift.

She is suddenly, acutely aware that she did not put her bra back on when getting dressed in his white t-shirt that is probably not nearly as thin as it feels.

Dean clears his throat, turning back to his computer, swallowing whatever comments have entered his mind. Kimber can’t decide whether to laugh or blush even harder and settles for the third option of hanging her office clothes up so they can air out a little before tomorrow. 

With nothing else to do, she drops onto the edge of the bed gracelessly, feeling every minute of the last few weeks catching up with her. Uncertainty and fear claw at her, ripping away what little defenses she has left. The image of the mutilated doll flashes before her eyes, red paint splashed luridly on her favorite comforter. Her lungs clench, and she sags on the mattress. 

She presses her fingers hard against her face. Acid burns at the back of her throat, bitter and biting. Her fingernails are just beginning to dig into her scalp when she registers the click of the laptop closing. Half a moment passes, then the bed dips beside her. 

She doesn’t consciously decide to move; her body simply molds itself to his side as Dean slides his arm around her back. He turns into the embrace, his other arm gathering her tightly against him. His cheek comes to rest on top of her head. The silence between them is the comfort she needs, his warmth and solidity the anchor that keeps her from drifting too far into panic.

When he finally speaks, his words rumble through her nerves, settling heavy and soothing in her chest.

“We’re gonna get this son of a bitch, Kimber. I’m sorry they got into your house, but I’m glad I was with you. I…” She rises gently with his deep inhalation, pressed as she is against his chest. “I’m sorry.”

She hears what he isn’t saying, and her hands drop from her face, her arms slipping around his middle as her eyes close.

“Me, too, Dean.”

...

“That pumpkin pie was somethin’ else,” Dean murmured. His arms were folded behind his head as he stretched out on top of Kimber’s bedspread. He crossed his ankles, settling in like he belonged there. His thin t-shirt stretched across his wiry frame, jeans lying enticingly low on his hips, and she could just see a glimpse of pink toe through a hole in one of his socks.

A pleasant, off-balancing thrill skipped down Kimber’s spine, twirling through her stomach and making her head spin a little. Dean’s jacket was hung carefully on her desk chair, his boots lined up on the floor underneath, and his button-up overshirt folded neatly on the desk.

Her parents had gone to bed long ago, and she had snuck Dean in the back door. After their exhilarating but chilled stroll that afternoon, she’d decided against the treehouse. Dean had been amused but willing, although he’d had one stipulation that had nearly made her laugh aloud.

“We get caught and your folks kick me out, you’re bringing me your mom’s leftovers to school every day for breakfast. I’m not missin’ out on home cooking just because you can’t stand to be away from me.”

Now, seeing him so comfortable on her bed, like he just belonged...Kimber knew the smile on her face was on the goofier end of sappy, but she couldn’t help it. He was just so damned…

“Cute,” he said, smirking up at her. “I know what you’re thinking. And I’m not cute. I’m adorable.”

She sighed dramatically, feigning exasperation. “Fine, you’re gorgeous, adorable, vital, the absolute most. Now close your eyes so I can change.” Smirk still firmly in place, Dean dutifully closed his eyes. She knew, despite the short time she’d known him, that she could trust Dean to keep his eyes shut.

She spent a few seconds regretting the lack of any silky, dramatic nightgowns or cute, sexy little matching pajama sets. Oh, well; couldn’t have everything. She stripped quickly, tossing her school clothes into the hamper and slipping on her “Aaahh!!! Real Monsters” t-shirt. Thick socks and plaid pajama pants completed her night ensemble. 

That she had just been naked (however unseen said nakedness had been) in front of Dean Winchester had not escaped her. She licked her lips, cheeks warm, and turned slowly back to the bed. He lay still, chest rising and falling steadily, and she marveled, not for the first time, that he was here, in her room. Just for her.

Her pulse jumped, her lungs tightened, and for just a second, Kimber panicked.

“You can, uh...you can open your eyes. I’m gonna go brush my teeth; I’ll be right back.”

She fled silently down the hallway, brushed her teeth in record time, and then stared in the mirror. Her hair was just her hair, nothing amazing or horrifying; no point trying to fix that before bed. Maybe…make-up?

“Kimber. What the hell?” she muttered. “You’re not seducing him, just be cool. Jeez. You can’t wear make-up to bed.”

She splashed cold water on her face, scrubbing her skin dry with a hand towel more forcefully than necessary. She gave her reflection another once-over and took a deep breath.

“You’re his choice, too,” she reminded herself. “Just chill.”

She found him exactly as she’d left him, completely relaxed on the bed, eyes still closed. She thought for a moment that he might have fallen asleep. Kimber wasn’t sure if she felt more disappointment or relief.

“You left in a little bit of a hurry,” he murmured, eyes still closed, and she started. “Everything okay?” She almost put him off, could feel the brush-off on her lips, but his eyes slid open, pinning her on the spot. She got the eerie sense that he would know, that he already knew she was trying to put on a front, and she deflated a little.

“I’m nervous,” she finally admitted. The heat in her cheeks turned up a few degrees, spreading down her neck, and she crossed her arms over her chest defensively. “I’ve never...snuck a guy to my room before. I just...this is mostly new to me, but with you, I want...I don’t know.”

Without a word, Dean slid from the bed and crossed the room, his mesmerizing eyes never leaving hers. He stopped a few feet away and waited, his arms open. With the bed suddenly out of the equation, Kimber felt a hidden knot of anxiety untie in her chest. 

She let out a breath and stepped into his embrace, her arms circling his waist in a way that felt easy and right. Dean’s lips pressed a warming kiss to the crown of her head. 

“Sweetheart,” he whispered. “This is your room, your space, but even if it wasn’t-” He paused, leaning back and brushing his thumb over her cheek. “Kimber, look at me.”

She did, and his earnest expression left no room to doubt his next words. It barely left room for breathing.

“ ‘M not here to make you feel uncomfortable or scared. I’m here because you want me to be. The second that stops, the second I make you feel something you don’t want, that’s it. Period. Does that work for you?”

His eyes, so plaintive and weathered in that moment, cut right to her heart. Never in her life had Kimber felt so safe, so protected, and so very sad. She couldn’t think of any words that lived up to the magnitude of what Dean had just said, so she simply squeezed him tighter, pressing her face against the side of his neck. 

“Can you stay?” she asked. She knew he had obligations, probably needed to get back to his brother or at least check in with his dad. She felt terribly selfish in her warm, safe house with her parents right down the hall. Still, she asked. 

“Yeah, I can stay for a while.” His smile, soft and open, laid her doubts to rest. They settled onto the bed, fumbling a little awkwardly to find a position they both liked. There was some bumping, mumbled apologies, until they finally sorted out a comfortable twist of limbs that didn’t set her heart beating out of her ribs or threaten to cut off blood flow to anything important. 

She relaxed by increments, her cheek resting on his collarbone. He hugged her close with his left arm, his right hand combing slowly through her hair over and over. The silence settled around them like a second blanket, soothing and heavy.

“What do you want to do when you finish school, Kimber? College?”

“Probably,” she murmured. “I don’t know specifically, but I like research.”

He snorted, and she poked him in the side.

“Shut up, you jerk, I do. And I like sharing the information. I like helping people. I don’t really want to be a teacher, but maybe I can find something where I can do all of that.”

Dean resumed combing her hair, having paused when she poked him, and they settled a little more closely together.

“Dean?”

“Mmm?”

She blinked slowly, sleep pulling at her eyelids. Her thoughts spun out languidly, losing their urgency as his warmth seeped through the thin fabric of her pajamas. 

“How about you?”

His answer came quickly, rehearsed and without thought. “Join the family business. Dad’s been training me for years. Don’t have a lotta choice, but I know I’ll be good at it. Was raised for it.”

Her fingers crept up, her eyes staying closed for longer and longer periods between blinks. She slid her thumb over his chin, just brushing the line of his bottom lip before sliding slowly up his jaw. 

His words weren’t emotionless, but they were automatic. There was so much he never said, and she hated to push him, afraid he would just leave or shut down, but…

“But what do you want?” She persisted, drowsiness interfering with her usual restraint. “Who do you want to be?”

He was silent for so long, she nearly gave in to fatigue. She drifted on the edge of unconsciousness, fingers stroking through the silky strands of hair behind his ears. She felt his face turn, his lips press against her wrist.

“I want...this,” he said. Even half-asleep, she couldn’t mistake the raw longing behind his words. “I want...I want to work a boring, regular job and come home to someone who missed me all day as much as I missed her. I want my kids to cannonball into my legs so hard they knock me over. I want…”

His words choked off, and she stilled her fingers against his cheek, waiting for him to continue.

“I want a house. No...I...when I was little, Dad would come home, and he would just...sweep Mom up sometimes, swing her around, when they weren’t fighting. Even when they were, he’d do it sometimes anyway just to get her to laugh.”

She felt his face shift beneath her hand, but his smile didn’t feel quite right, and she moved closer. His arm tightened around her back, and he smoothed the palm of his free hand down to cup her jaw.

“I want a home. I want to be a dad, a husband. I want a family.”

She felt childish, shallow next to the depth of his simple declaration. Dean wanted what she had, what she took for granted every day of her life. This was the first time he’d spoken of his mother, and though curiosity burned hot inside her, she didn’t dare ask further questions, afraid she’d break the spell of the moment.

Dean’s voice dropped until she could feel it more than hear it, his lips pressing softly against her forehead.

“I want to come home and hold someone until I fall asleep every night. I want to wake up to her and know that my whole day, every day, is gonna be just that, all over again.”

She lifted her face to his then, and in the darkness of her bedroom she could only just make out the barest lines of his features. Their noses brushed, his hand gently pulling at the back of her head, and their lips met. His cheek was damp under her fingertips, and her heart clenched. 

She pulled his head down, brushing her lips over the tears trickling down his cheekbones more by feel than by sight. Both his arms came around her then, pulling her against his chest as he buried his face in his hair. They breathed together, memorizing each others’ scents, heartbeats, rhythms as the night crept by. 

The moment didn’t pass so much as gradually relax until Kimber felt him shift beneath her, smoothly sliding her off his chest and down to the pillows. He kissed her temple, and her face automatically turned to his, chasing his lips. She felt him chuckle against her mouth.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, I gotta go. Need to check on Sammy, make sure he got dinner, did his homework, all that mess. I’ll see you tomorrow. Walk you to school?”

She nodded, humming her agreement even as she blindly reached for him. Something soft brushed against her fingers, and she automatically pulled it down, cuddling against the fabric. 

“Hold onto that for me. I’ll get it back from you sometime.” She felt a kiss press to her forehead, and then the click of her door closing. She breathed in, Dean’s scent surrounding her as she slipped under again, his button-up shirt pillowed under her cheek and tangled in her fingers. 

…

Chapter 5

[snarkwriteswrasslin]

FFT: I Wrote Myself Back in the Narrative

AHHH. First of all, without YOU, bb.. This idea would’ve never really full on clicked like it has. So.. Thank you so so so much and ILY. Second. This is written first person, split between our mystery guy from part 1 and the female’s pov as they... continue to deal with things. I triiiied things here. 

It’s still angsty as hell, smh. It’s gonna be angsty as hell for a hot minute. Idek if I can promise that it’ll end on a good note. Because now there are two more parts to this. Thank you again, so so much because you heavily inspired me and without the input you gave, ugh. I would’ve fucked this up so bad.

Warnings: Angst. So much angst. Or my /attempt/ at angst. Maybe the next part will be happier, who knows. Are we ready to find out who this man in part 1 was? I have a feeling ya’ll are gonna murder me. OH OH... This whole part of everything takes place over the course of a few weeks in between each section. If that makes sense.

Tag Squad:

@kyleoreillysknee

@rampagewriting

@writertoo18

@thatnerdwriter

@wrestlingismyguiltypleasure

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@unabashedwrestlefics

@adampage

@cabotcoves

@dietwrestling

@heelsamizayn

@missjenniferb

@cowboyshit

[ tag list ] [ masterlist ] [ about ] [ part 1 ] 

A D A M

“You did the right thing, man. I told ya, you were rushing headfirst into something. You were sparing her, man. We both know where it was heading. Now I know you’ve been missin her lately, but you gotta stay the course… Trust me.” Matt’s voice broke through my thoughts and I forced myself to at least shrug my shoulders and pretend to be listening to him going on and on and on.

It’s nights like tonight I really wish the guy would shut the hell up sometimes. It’s like he thinks it’s his place to tell me exactly what to do. Or when I’m doin’ something and he thinks I ought to be doing it different.

“Matt, man.. C’mon, knock it off. He’s hurting right now.” That was Nick. Probably the only real voice of reason at the moment. I could feel him glare at Matty over my head and I didn’t bother looking up from the lukewarm beer sitting in front of me. Instead, I raised the glass to my lips and did my level best to ignore both. I told them I’d be fine coming out by myself tonight, whether I wanted them tagging along or not, here they were.

In my ear, like usual.

“I’m fine.” the words left my mouth in a harsh tone, the dull ache in my teeth makin me realize just how tight I was clenching my jaw right now. I rubbed my face and tried to get some relief as I looked around the bar.

Beside me on either side, they kept at it, almost as if I hadn’t said a word. Arguin over whether Matt was pushin too hard.

“Besides, man.. When I saw her last week, she looked totally fine.” Matt shrugged, smirking just a little. “In a little bit of a hurry, but she seemed like it didn’t bother her at all. I think she even said something about a date, I don’t know, man. But it’s like I said… You did the right thing. It wasn’t working, so you ended things before someone got hurt and things got real messy.” 

Every part of me tensed up when Matt said he’d seen her and my head snapped around as I looked at him, trying not to lose my temper. Suddenly, a thought occurred to me… Matt was entirely too adamant about me staying away.

And we all know how he is when he wants something. 

,, you’re the one who let her go. Did you think she’d just sit around waitin?” the thought came and man was I bitter about it. 

“You look mad, Adam.”

“Well I’m not thrilled right now, Matt.” the words came out before I could stop them. And when they did, I realized just how much the thought of Matt Jackson anywhere near her really bothered me. How much it had all along. Because he thinks I’m stupid but I knew every single time he flirted with her. I know he’s the one who told her about my last relationship and how messed up I was when it ended.

How my ex was the love of my life, to quote him. While true, I didn’t want or need him speaking for me and telling her that. I didn’t ask him to butt in.

,, you never do, to be honest.” 

My hand curled around the bottle sitting in front of me and I shotgunned it. If I didn’t so something, I was going to wind up havin it out with Matt Jackson once and for all. Not that it hasn’t been a long time comin.. Between him and Kenny, as of late, I’m startin to lose my damn mind.

I stay angry.

They’re supposed to be my best friends, damn it. I don’t wanna hate my best friends. I try not to. I do everything but bend over backwards to avoid rocking the boat. But Matt seein her and just throwing it up in conversation just now, with that fucking smirk. Like he’s trying to rub it in. I’m dangerously close to no longer caring.

I had to get outta there. Away from the two of them. I needed to be alone. I needed to think. To have time to hurt and feel like I was free to do it. 

“Where are you going, huh? We’ve got food coming, man. C’mon. Stay out with us. You can’t keep going to your room and hiding.” Nick was trying desperately to keep the peace but honestly, I didn’t want to. I snatched up the remainder of the six pack I bought from the bartender earlier in the night, slammed badly wadded money down on the counter and I stood, shoving the stool back beneath the bar.

Nick caught up to me outside the bar, reaching out for my arm, trying to stop me, but I shoved his hand off. 

“Can’t either of ya take a damn hint? I don’t wanna talk about how I did the right thing. I don’t wanna hear about Matt runnin into her. I just wanna go five goddamn minutes without feelin, okay? Can either of ya just let me have that?”

Nick flinched and I took a deep breath, trying to calm down. Nick’s done nothin to me. Not like his brother and Kenny, always in my ear, always tryin to make me fall back in line and ignore my own gut. Or my own desires.

“Sorry, Nick. Look. I appreciate what you’re tryin to do but I ain’t exactly in the mood tonight, man. And I might not be in the mood for a while. And ya’ll have to be okay with that. Stop trying to make me snap out of it.”

“This is because Matt pulled that shit in there, right? I’ll talk to him later. Just take your time, man.” Nick managed a smile and I nodded, agreeing.

After he went back inside the bar to finish whatever food they ordered while watching the tail end of the game they’d dragged me out to watch with them tonight, I called an Uber and as I waited, I found myself doing it yet again.

Hovering over ❤ in my contacts, I was torn between finally doing it, finally deleting the last trace of her I had, from my life and just hitting call, just to see if she’d answer. Frustration made me shove the phone back into the pocket of my jeans without doing either and I went back to leaning up against the wall of the sports bar as I finished the open beer in my hand. I took the last sip, feeling the warmth slide down my throat and settle in my stomach, grimacing at the hangover already in progress. The Uber I’d called for pulled to a stop beside me and I got in, giving directions to the hotel and going silent after.

All the way across town and back to the hotel, I couldn’t stop thinking about that last night I saw her. Or the way it hurt like hell when Matt told me she seemed fine. 

,, do you really want it to hurt her, though?”

I didn’t, but I couldn’t deny that maybe a part of me wanted her to miss me just a little. To hear Matt tell it, she’s fine and dandy. And this lead me to circle right back to how calmly she handled the whole thing that night.

And those doubts crept right back in again.

Maybe the guys were right. Maybe I did the right thing.

,, and Matt having a thing for flirting with her when you were together, right under your nose at that, that has absolutely nothing to do with why he thought it was a good idea.” 

All I could honestly do was just sit in the backseat of the Uber and knock ‘em back, one behind the other. Anything else is out of the question right now. I am not goin’ down this road while I’m drunk and missin her.

If I did go down any road as far as all this is concerned, I wanna be one hundred percent sure I feel what I feel. I need to think. I need time outta the situation, without people in my ear.

This is something I have to do on my own.

VERONICA

Like most other nights, I tossed and turned on the king sized bed before finally calling it and getting up, grumbling to myself as I made my way down the hallway and into my kitchen. I started myself a pot of coffee and as I did that, I found myself scrolling Instagram.

Naturally, I found myself doing it, even though I unfollowed him on literally everything after things ended between us because it just hurt too damn much.

It’s been almost 5 months now and it still hurts. The pain still cuts like a knife when I actually give myself a little time to let it linger.

Kind of why I’ve thrown myself into work. I even made a Tinder profile, even though I’m absolutely loathe to use the damn thing.

Before I realized what I’d done, I’d typed his instagram handle into the search bar and I found myself scrolling his timeline while I sipped a steamy mug of coffee. “At least he looks okay.” I muttered to myself, shattering the heavy silence around me.

Despite myself, I wound up spending entirely too much time watching one of his random post match videos. Fingertip against the screen. It hurt so goddamn much and yet, it had to happen because all I could think about was how much he loved someone else and just kind of… settled for me.

Running into his friend Matt earlier this week hadn’t helped all this recent re-stirring. Because even now, actively not trying to think back and hurt and miss Adam knowing what happened between us was for the best… I kept going back to Matt reassuring me that Adam was perfectly fine and that he hadn’t been bothered by breaking up with me at all. And I kept getting more and more bitter over it.

When I felt a tear trek down my cheek, I tossed the phone onto the counter and scowled at my reflection in the microwave. 

I told myself I was not settling for being silver. I wanna be someone’s gold.

,, but he made it so fucking easy to fall hard and fast. Get so wrapped up in him that for a little while, you didn’t think about that.” I blatantly shoved the thought down as soon as it crossed my mind and with a sigh, I sat the cup of coffee in the sink half drank.

I’ve got work. Other things to focus on. And I’m trying to look at the bright side here. One day, I’ll be someone’s gold.

VERONICA

→ You know you’re coming out with us tonight, right girl?

I got the text at 4:30, just as I walked out of the building I work in and stopped to dig around in my purse for my car keys. Once I read it, I laughed to myself and managed a smile. Normally, I’d have begged off. It’s what I’ve been doing a lot since things ended between Adam and I.

But I remembered what Matt told me two weeks ago when I bumped into him. Adam hasn’t wasted a single second caught up in what might have been. Why should I?

← Sure. 8, right? The usual spot?

→ Holy shit, is this a Christmas miracle coming early? You’re finally going to take a break from being Little Ms. Moneymaker?

I laughed to myself and opened the door to my car, getting in. As soon as I had, I dialed Marti’s  number.

“Little Ms. Moneymaker, my ass. I’d like to see one shred of this money you think I’m making.” I responded to her last text seconds before, she hadn’t even said hello yet.

Marti laughed.

I turned into traffic, promptly getting stuck at a long red. “Fuck me alive.. It had to be the longest light in town.” I grumbled to myself, listening to Marti telling me about a soccer player she met at our usual bar a few weeks ago and how he’s supposed to be back from the road tonight and meeting her.

“Oh? Well, guess who made a Tinder and hasn’t bothered looking at it since.”

“You.. Wait…” Marti was laughing, I know she didn’t believe me, “You made a Tinder.”

“Yes.” I almost wanted to laugh at myself, shaking my head as I admitted it. 

“Well? Have you met anybody?” she grilled.

“I made the profile and haven’t bothered looking at it since.” I admitted sheepishly, foot on the gas as the light changed from red to green. 

“That’s it. Tonight, so help me. You’re swiping right on at least one guy.”

“Teenie..”

“Don’t Teenie me. This is happening. Not to mention, I have to see if you actually made your profile worth looking at twice. Especially if you want hookups. And trust me girl, you need a hookup.”

“Like I need a goddamn hole in my head.” I snorted in laughter as I pulled my car to a stop at the curb in front of my house. “But fine.. Since you insist. You can look over my Tinder profile and see if it looks like I’m worth risking a swipe on.”

“You are, don’t say that. You just… try to hide the real you under all that boring shit.”

I bit my lip as I let her words sink in.

Maybe she had a point. I hadn’t truly let Adam in until I thought it was safe to do so and look how that one turned out. I sighed quietly, nodding to myself as I shut the door to my car with my hip. “Okay. Hint taken. But maybe I need to change all that.”

“So maybe you’ll pull the stick out of your ass tonight and have just a little fun? You know I hate seeing you hurting like this.”

“It doesn’t hurt. It was for the best… That whole thing ended.”

As much as I hate admitting it, given what Matt told me when we ran into each other, things ending with Adam and I had to be the right choice.

,, but what if you’re totally wrong?”

ADAM

I’m not even sure what possessed me to look her up when we got a little break between shows and the road. I don’t know what the hell I thought it’d accomplish, casually bumpin into her again, other than ripping the band-aid off a healing wound.

But here I was. Standing in the parking lot of her office building. Hidden out of sight, of course. Not that I was going to stay hidden. No, I’d come all this way to do exactly one thing… To fix the mess I now know full well I made that night.

I’ve had time out of it all and I realized one thing.

Somewhere in everything, I really had fallen for her. Hard.

I just had to hope it wasn’t too late. But prepare myself because lately, my luck’s been absolute shit.

My breath caught in my throat as I watched her walking out. I bit my lip, eyes roaming slowly, just taking her in. Because I hadn’t done that nearly enough when she was mine. I was an idiot.

Seeing her again felt like a suckerpunch to the stomach. The wind got knocked right out of me. I stood there, trying to will myself to step out. To say or do anything. Even if it was simple as a hey.

She walked right past me, towards her Camaro a few rows back and she leaned against the Camaro, laughing and talking. I had to get closer but at the same time, I knew that all I was doing was torturing myself, especially if I came all this way and said nothing.

I watched her smile light up the world around me as a car pulled to a stop next to her car. The guy got out and she smiled even brighter, her cheeks tinting pink, her eyes lighting up, the streetlight above bathing her in a cool white glow as the sun sank lower.

The guy didn’t strike me as her type. Dark haired, wearin a suit. He held out a bouquet of roses and my stomach sank to the ground. I raised a hand, tugging at my hair as it hit me.

Everything I realized recently was too little, too late.

I turned and started to walk away, I think I wandered about two blocks before I stopped at a little bar and went in, ordering myself a few rounds. Almost the instant my ass met stool, my cell phone was buzzing in my pocket. I rolled my eyes when I realized that it was Kenny calling.

Kenny who suggested I come here. Seeing her might prove things one way or another. I shouldn’t have fucking listened to him, but naturally.. He insisted, so I finally gave in to get him off my ass.

“Well?”

“I think it’s really over, man. I saw her, alright. And she’s happy. Too happy to do what I came to do.”

“So you’re good now. You can let this go. You can stop all this pushing you’ve been doing lately?”

“Oh, I’m not stoppin that. We all know I deserve a shot. I just know better than to mess up her happiness. I love her too much for that.”

“Damn it, Adam, we’ve all went over this with you. Your time is coming. Just not right now. Besides, “ Kenny paused, taking a few deep breaths. I could feel his annoyance over the conversation through the phone.

That’s not a surprise. Lately, I’ve started to see that unless it’s about them? They’re not interested. And maybe I’m tired of letting everybody else dictate what direction I take. Hell, that’s the whole reason I ended things with her to begin with. 

I let my insecurities get in the way. Kept thinking one day she’d leave too.

Now I just want her back.

So if I can’t have her back? I’m at least going to do something about everything else I want that stays just outside my grasp.

“Besides what, huh?” I snapped, chewing on a toothpick I’d taken from the little dispenser full sitting in front of me, scowling at the phone in my hands.

“You’re not in your best form right now, buddy and you haven’t been in weeks.”

I hung up before he could say anything else.

And as I sat there, nursing round after round, I found myself doing it for the millionth time… Going to her instagram and going through every single thing she’s posted. Hovering over her name in my contacts list and nearly calling five, six, almost seven times before I finally sighed and made myself delete her number.

I really fucked it up this time.

And honestly? Knowing that hurts more than the end ever did in the first place...

[dopescotlandwarrior]

Someone Like You-Final Chapter

All previous chapters on AO3

Chapter 35

On the Saturday before Christmas Edith and I made Beef Wellington and served it to my two friends from school. They were coming to look at the carriage house to rent for the next school year. Jamie and I had already moved all my things to Lallybroch and I felt so weird walking through the place empty, so many memories here.

After they measured everything we all sat down to eat with doctor Lu and the girls were very complimentary. Lu kept them entertained with the medical application of hypnotherapy and Edit and I smiled watching him in his glory. The girls agreed to rent and I was happy to have arranged Edith’s next tenants so I didn’t leave her in the lurch.

The butter lovers had played until exhausted and the four of them were crashed out in Butters bed while he laid on the carpet and put his head on one of their beds. Edith got quite a laugh out of that and brought out her camera to take some pictures of our ridiculous dogs.

“I didn’t know they still developed film, Edith.”

“Of course they do and I will compare my pictures with any taken with a phone, any day.”

I hugged Edith goodbye after she loaded me up the leftovers to take home and a pecan pie she made for Jamie, his favorite. I fell into my car completely exhausted and made my way home. As I turned down our street it started to snow, big, fat flakes that stuck to the windshield and wipers. It was beautiful. I pulled over and got out to see the heavy snow falling as far as the eye could see. I marveled at the silence. I started doing this to ease my anxiety of driving in the falling snow after I got lost. Now I couldn’t stop.

I opened the kitchen door to banging and the sound of loud ripping. When I  put the food away I followed the noise and was shocked when I opened the study door. All the walls in three rooms had been pulled down and it was a big open space clear to the block wall of the house. I was thrilled at how much they accomplished today until I heard the voices of Rupert and Angus and realized they had help. That made me feel warm and fuzzy inside until Angus started telling Rupert about seeing my ass hanging off Edith’s roof. Rupert could have been super rude with his comment but he just smiled. I was already feeling embarrassed so I was grateful.

“Claire, glad ye home, we need to get started on these invitations. Grab yer favorite pen. Stormy is comin to help us.”

I was excited about seeing Stormy but the rest could hang in my opinion. Jenny had already called the guestlist for the wedding since it was a short week away, why did we need formal invitations? She insisted every invitation be handwritten as well. I would rather build a snowman with Butter and Jamie. In protest, I walked extra slow to the kitchen.

“Christ almighty, look at the snow come down. I’m callin Stormy to stay home. It’s not safe to be on the road tonight. Them boys might want to get out while they can.”

“Oh no, Jenny! You sit. I will tell them and be right back.”

When I joined Jenny again I had told each person it was snowing like crazy, gone to my room twice to look for my favorite pen, and checked on Butter. I looked at the list thrilled Jenny was almost done. I started to write an address and found myself staring out the window at the snow, pen twirling in my fingers.

“Claire yer worse than a ten-year-old. Concentrate lass and let’s get this done.”

By the time I finished my envelope, Jenny was done with the list and I launched out of my chair, throwing on my jacket, scarf, and gloves. I turned around to get Butter and he was right on my heals so I almost tripped over him. When the kitchen door closed I took a deep breath and tried to shake off my claustrophobia.

“Ok Butter, watch and learn.”

I started with a snowball and rolled it in the wet snow until it was about to my waist, then I did another but I could not lift it. Damn, I thought, the size I can lift will look like a toy snowman. I sat on the largest ball and thought about how I might do this.

“Please tell me yer not having second thoughts mo gradhag. You look like ye got the weight of the world on ye shoulders.”

“I do, it’s just too heavy. The snowman’s stomach, it’s too heavy for me, but not you! C’mon, I’ll help.”

I jumped off the snowball and crouched down to help hoist the midsection on top of where I had been sitting. Jamie pushed me away smiling and pulled the ball of snow on top of the other. I was already rolling another ball and picked it up easily to set it on top.

“Perfect!”

Jamie hugged me and pulled me into the house. We all thanked Angus and Rupert for the extra hands and they were anxious to exit our road before it became impassable. They both pointed and laughed at my snowman on the way to their vehicle. I stuck my nose in the air like I didn’t care and went upstairs to relax.

When Jamie came up later he jumped on the bed next to me and fanned out all the brochures he had collected of the islands and the fun things to do. I was so excited about the hut he rented over the water. A peer stretched 500 feet into the ocean with huts attached. Ours was on the end so it was just us and the ocean out there. It had a glass floor so we could watch the sea life underneath. We completely agreed on snorkeling daily and picked out the restaurants after reading the reviews. The rest we would figure out once we got there.

“It’s like New Orleans on steroids mo chridhe.”

It was indeed and I couldn’t wait to get there as Misses James Fraser. We just had Christmas and the wedding to get through. I should not be thinking of them as a chore but right now that is exactly how I saw it. *********************

It is the eve of my wedding and I cannot sleep. I’m having an anxiety attack and coming out of my skin from the walls closing in on me. I need Jamie like I need my lungs but Jenny insisted we separate for twenty-four hours before the wedding. She asked if I wanted to jinx my own wedding which I certainly did not. Jamie kissed me at the bottom of the stairs tonight and I almost cried the way he looked at me. Now I wander around our room feeling so weird, so displaced and I don’t understand it. I feel like I want to sob my heart out, on the night before my wedding?

I sat on the stairs with a blanket around me shivering in the cold house. It was like I was transported back in time to when I was ten years old dreading my trip back to Peru. I was going to marry the man who pulled me into his room that night and I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life. So why am I blue? I crept down the stairs and laid next to Jamie on the sofa feeling his arms pull me to him immediately.

“I could hear ye pacin upstairs and hoped ye would come down here so I can tell ye how much I love ye. What’s wrong mo chridhe?”

“I don’t know. I feel anxious and sad and excited all at the same time.”

“Well, if yer like me yer missin yer parents. I know I am. My mam talked about fallin in love and having a family of my own. I would give anything for her and my da to be here.

“Yer missin yer parents tonight love?”

That did it. The sobs came and I clung to Jamie for five minutes of emotion that had been right under the surface for the past week.

“Dinna fash wee one, I’ve decided I love ye enough for me and them. I believe in heaven Sassenach and yer parents and mine will be here with us tomorrow. I believe we will feel their presence and their blessing. With all my heart I believe that mo chridhe.”

I started to get up and he held me to him asking me to stay for a few hours, then he would carry me to bed. I was so relieved I melted into him and started to relax. I felt him lift me off the couch hours later and he laid next to me in our bed until I was asleep again. Jamie was gone when I woke up and I didn’t see him until the wedding.

I fed the chickens and piled hay into their cubbies for warmth even though our heat lamp provided a toasty environment for them in the barn. I worried about Golfarb and went to look for her. She was nowhere to be found. With a pounding heart, I quickly counted the chickens and there were twenty! Golfarb was with her sisters, probably to stay warm, but I was thrilled. While the chickens ate I gathered the few eggs I found and carried them to the house. Egg production had nearly dropped off completely with the onset of winter and I was not unhappy about that.

Jenny was up stirring her maids punch when I walked into the kitchen. It is a wicked brew that includes a bottle of rum and a dozen other ingredients of which half are alcoholic. Jenny would be my only maid due to the limited space but six of our girlfriends were coming early to help decorate and drink.

“The bride is up and has her snow boots and parka on. Put them boots outside before ye track mud all over the house lass. Are ye ready to marry my brother Claire?”

“I have never been this ready for anything in my life Jenny.”

“The way yer blushin, yer gonna be a beautiful bride. But get those boots off and get in the tub, the big tub, I left ye a pre-weddin gift. Dinna tell Jamie about it cause I didna get him anything.”

I laughed and hugged Jenny before going upstairs to enjoy that amazing tub and lose myself in COCO Chanel! I jumped up and down and yelled out the door that I love Jenny more than Jamie right now. I poured it into the hot water and closed my eyes as the room filled with that magic scent. After twenty minutes of heavenly hot water, I grabbed my razor for what I hoped would be a fun surprise. I had steadily increased the width of my racing stripe for this very occasion and took my time sculpting a perfect heart. I was very happy with the way it looked and I hoped Jamie would like it or at least think it was clever. I wanted the heart right above my bud so much of my racing stripe was now gone. It felt a little bare but it looked really good. At least I thought so.

I realized that we would be swimming in the crystal clear waters of the Bahamas at this time tomorrow, and my heart rate shot up. Every single thing in my life was exciting at this moment and I felt ready to burst.

I was already packed for our trip because we were taking the red-eye tonight giving us two hours to enjoy the party before we have to leave for the airport. It seemed exceptionally odd to be packing sundresses in the middle of winter but it made me count the days to eighty-five degrees and sunshine and it was finally here.

There were all kinds of commotion downstairs and I looked out the bathroom door and saw two men bringing huge flower arrangements into the room. They were beautiful with white roses and orchids, baby’s breath and evergreen branches. I wondered where they came from because Jenny and I had not planned for those arrangements.

By the time my hair was dry Jenny was laying on our bed resting her back. She closed her eyes and announced she felt nothing otherworldly happening to her, she didn’t have a mad urge to rape Ian.

“I suspected ye were in an energy vortex like I saw on U Tube, but I feel nothin unusual so that can’t be it. I want to believe there’s hope that I will scream with a minute-long orgasm so I refuse to believe it’s ye and Jamie. Oh well, let’s start yer hair. Stormy called and she is on her way.”

“Jenny, I can start my own hair. You stay right there. Stormy can help me if I need it. Can I get you to do the Jessica Rabbit hairdo at the end? Hey, what do you think of my heart?”

“Holy shit Claire! Give me some warnin before ye expose yerself that way. I am so jealous I want to drop to the floor kicking and screaming but this baby is in the way… of everything.”

Stormy is such a great friend and she was so gentle with my hair while we gabbed about everything. I was so relaxed with her soft hands in my hair I lost track of time. Jenny woke up, looked at the clock, and turned into a house on fire. Her large brush drove into my hair pulling it into a flat iron with an intensity that snapped me out of my Stormy haze. The wedding started in one hour and Jenny still had to dress so I sat perfectly still and helped however I could. The whole time I heard banging and dragging going on downstairs and wondered what on earth was happening down there. Two of our friends did my make up with Jenny watching closely, smiling for the most part.

Jenny was touching her fingers like she was counting and mumbling. Then she announced I did not have something borrowed to get married in. I thought it a weird tradition until Jenny returned with the most sacred possession of her mother’s and we all gasped looking at them.

“I insist you where my mam’s earings Claire. You were a daughter to her, same as me. She is here today with da, I know she will feel honored that ye wear them to marry my brother.” Loops of sterling silver, so thin they moved like water and caught the light as they shimmered. They were absolutely perfect for my dress and the winter theme of the wedding. I felt my eyes well with tears and the whole room was running at me with a kleenex. I held up my hands and laughed at the startled looks.

With my hair swept up and ringlets falling at my temples and down my back, beautiful silk stockings and the tiniest beaded thong, I stepped into my shoes as Jenny chased the girls downstairs and suggested they drink her special Maids punch. The silence in the room was so wonderful for my frayed nerves. Jenny held my dress up as I had done for her and I slipped into it, suddenly transformed into a bride.

“Christ and all the saints yer a beautiful bride.” Jenny grabbed a kleenex and wiped her tears.

“I have something for you Jenny, to say thank you for being my best friend my whole life.”

I handed her a box and watched her open the special gift I spent days looking for. I decided on a delicate eighteen carrot gold bracelet with four diamonds that were a half-carrot each and superior quality. I could tell instantly that she loved it because her eyes were popping out.

“Lass, it’’s amazin how real cubic zirconian looks these days, is it nae?” She said it just above a whisper and her face was the color of a pink rose.

“Thank you for saving my life year after year with letters and hugs hello and promises goodbye. I love you so much and those are not cubic zirconian. Thank you for everything Jenny.”

She turned around and left to get dressed with a dreamy smile on her face, then she ran back in and kissed me, then gone again.

There was a quiet knock on the door and Edith peaked in. She took my hands and looked me up and down. “Well, my little mustang is a beautiful bride. I love you. Congratulations sweetheart.”

I wanted to see and feel Jamie so badly it was hard to sit still. When Jenny came back I jumped to my feet. She wore the bracelet and it shot sparkles out in every direction.”Ready lass?”

We went down the back stairs and I nearly fell over when I saw Murtagh in a tuxedo with his hair slicked back and a shiny face.

“Murtagh, you look amazing.”

“Well lassie, I dinna ken the right English words for how ye look. It might take some time.”

I giggled at that and took his arm. Robbie Mcnab, the son of a neighbor was waiting to give the signal and ran around the corner when Murtagh told him to. What seemed like seconds later the massive front door opened and Ian offered his arm to Jenny, walking her into the house. I heard the wedding music and Murtagh walked me in slowly. I lifted my eyes to Jamie’s cool, sparkling, indigo gaze and felt my heart in my throat. Murtagh kissed my cheek and handed me to my true love.

Our favorite reverend officiated the wedding and started the ceremony with the story of when we met. He spoke eloquently of seeing the love in Jamie’s eyes as he watched me that day and the way I blushed like a spring rose when he held my hand. It was so beautiful and wonderful of him to speak of it. The ceremony was beautiful too I imagine. I was too lost in Jamie’s eyes to listen but I felt soft warm fingers on my elbow and knew it was time to bless the rings. I turned slightly to smile my thanks at Jenny and realized she was too far from me to reach my elbow, In fact, no one was close enough to touch that arm. Then I heard, “you may kiss your bride.”

Jamie’s kiss was a promise of undying love that touched my soul. The reverend said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce Mister and misses Fraser." I could feel myself smiling and saw so many faces approach, hug, and speak to us. I was in a pink bubble of happiness and looked at the most beautiful decorations throughout the lower level. It was hard to take it all in and I wondered who set all this up. I looked around at all the friends I have in my life now, the people that I loved, and knew any one of them would have done it for us.

Jenny pressed a glass of juice in my hand and smiled at me with so much excitement.

“Are ye alright lass? If yer feeling faint just look at that ring on yer finger and it’s sure to wake ye up.”

“Ring?”

I lifted my hand to see the sparkling diamonds that spanned the top half of the band. I looked at Jamie wide-eyed and he kissed me before leading me around to thank our guests for coming.

Doctor Abernathy and his wife Gail were there as was Lucy who was loving the punch she found in the kitchen. While we talked I watched people bringing trays of food from the kitchen placing them on any flat surface they could find. I was flabbergasted at the quantity and quality of the food. When I found Jenny again I asked her where all this amazing food came from.

“Mister Dunsany provided the flowers and catering, the likes of which we may never see again so eat as much as ye can, everything is delicious. Oh, Claire, he sent an envelope with yer name on it. It’s next to one of the arrangements." I found the envelope and felt dizzy when I pulled out a one thousand dollar gift certificate to the baby store in Edinburgh. How extraordinary, I thought.

Before time ran out I spoke with all of our girlfriends and gave them the date of Jenny’s surprise baby shower. All heads nodded and smiled and I promised to call them when we got back.

I laughed at the level of happiness in the room and it made me so happy.

“Sassenach, we have a minor problem. The snow is comin down heavy. It won’t impact Jenny’s Hogmanay guests, they’re used to the flatbed shuttle the neighbor provides. He makes a boatload of money from tips so he’s dancin a jig right now. We need to find a way out of here tonight or miss the plane. Can ye get changed and ready to leave? I’ll see if Angus will help.

Alarm bells were going off in my head and I quickly slipped my dress back on the hanger and changed into my jeans and a soft long-sleeve T-shirt. In ten minutes we were wading through so many people just trying to get outside. Angus was in his truck gunning the engine. I hugged Butter and reminded Jenny to feed the chickens and collect the eggs or they would eat them and we would be out of the egg business. ”And don’t forget Butter’s food is in the freezer, and have Ian check the warming light every night in the barn and …” I felt Jamie lift me up and wave us out the door.

We jumped in Angus’s huge truck, out of breath of running. It was toasty warm inside.

“My God it’s comin down, pray they don’t close the airport tonight,” he said with an evil chuckle.

They did close the airport however we were already in the air high above the swollen clouds that threatened our honeymoon. We stole kisses from each other whenever we could and curled up to sleep our way to the Bahamas.

24 hours Later

I laid on Jamie’s chest in the huge hammock that attached to our hut and hung over the water. It was so relaxing to swing and watch the crystal blue water. We had snorkeled all day and now, pleasantly exhausted, we tried to rouse each other to shower and dress for dinner. Laying in each other’s arms, watching the sunset over the water was too much of a pull so neither of us could move until it was dark.

Jamie kissed me deeply and whimpered in my ear he was hungry.

“I am not sure how we were able to do this Sassenach but we have not consummated our marriage and I am too weak with hunger to try.”

“Well, you are my favorite thing to do but the water was so amazing. Let’s go eat and remedy the situation. Oh,” I said giggling, “I have a silly surprise for you.”

“Give me my surprise Sassenach, it will give me the energy to get to the restaurant.”

“It’s not like a decoder ring or anything like that. Now I feel weird mentioning it.”

With great effort, we made it into the hut and Jamie gave into temptation and laid on the floor to watch the sea life through the glass floor. There were so many fish that were attracted to the underwater light. “It is a mystery this surprise.” He grabbed my ankle and pulled me down to the floor with him.

“I have a surprise too mo chridhe.”

Jamie stretched his arm and pulled the refrigerator door open laughing.

“Holy shit! Where did all that come from?”

"I stuffed a thermal bag with all that, zipped it up, stuffed it in another suitcase and checked it. It was still cold when I took it out. I forgot all about it." He started pulling gorgeous treats out that looked more like a piece of art than food.

“Oh my God, this is so good Jamie. This one is even better. What does that one taste like?”

At some point in our gorge-fest, Jamie picked me up and carried me to the bed nibbling on my stomach, making me giggle. I was still eating but it was getting harder because his nibbles were now warm and wet. He pulled my bikini top off and sucked on my breasts before he linked his thumbs into the bottom half and pulled them off.

“Christ Sassenach, oh my God, what a perfect wife ye are! I love it and ye so bare now.”

“Oh yea, that’s my surprise.” Jamie was rubbing his cheek over all the new skin exposed.

“It’s so much better than a decoder ring mo gradhag, he laughed. I love ye, and I’m fallin in love with yer pussy all over again.”

He opened my legs and laid on my thigh looking at me and touching places that were stealing my sanity. When I felt his warm wet tongue I was but a minute away from my explosion. I pulled Jamie up and pressed on his buttocks to push him toward me. I wanted to feel him inside me for as long as possible and like the best husband that ever lived, he made it last.

We had an amazing shower outside of our hut with the full moon shining down on us. Jamie kissed me over and over as I spread soap lather all over him. I felt like someone had given me knock out drops however and walked quickly to the bed before I passed out on my feet. I heard Jamie’s voice echo in my dream asking to see my heart again. I don’t know if I answered him or not.

My eyes opened late in the night and I heard Jamie breathing next to me. I turned my head and could see his face in the moonlight. I smiled at his serene expression and tried to fall asleep again but couldn’t. Rather than wake him I slipped my short robe on and walked outside to lay on the tiny patio in front of the hut. It was so peaceful and I ached for Jamie until I felt his hand on my hip as he laid behind me whispering lovely things in my ear.

“You’re naked Jamie.” I looked down the length of him and wanted to touch him everywhere.

“I came out to lure ye back to bed but that’s not gonna happen with ye lookin at me that way.”

I pushed him onto his back and crawled to his feet placing kisses from his ankle to his knee. He was watching me and I smiled. From his knee, I kissed deep on his inner thigh letting my kisses get wetter as I got closer to his lovely balls. I pressed my face into them sucking and licking, hearing Jamie start to pant. I played with his heat until he held my hair and pushed my mouth onto him. I teased his arousal to the brink of orgasm and then backed off. When I did it the second time he pulled me off of him and spun my back to his chest locking me into position with his thighs and arms.

“Yer a wee tease Sassenach and I’m gonna punish ye for it. “

Being completely at his mercy I could do little when he pushed into me with force. I felt him so deep as he pulled my leg behind his knees opening my core to his touches and making me pant for release.

“Come for me lass,” he panted in my ear as he rammed me. “That’s a good lass, oh God Sassenach.”

I was thrown so high I barely noticed Jamie’s climax, becoming aware of his grip on me as I came back to earth. We made it back to bed and slept like the dead until morning.

For the next week, we played all day, ate sumptuous food in the evening and made love through the night. Jamie was cerebral about my new heart for the entire week. He would get very quiet and then pull me to our hut, remove the bikini, and stare at my heart. 

We walked down the beach to listen to music one night and Jamie danced slow with me. Halfway through the dance, I knew he would be pulling me out of the bar. We couldn’t get home fast enough so he pushed me into the sand in a secluded place and pulled my clothes off. I could see his neck pulsing with his hammering chest. Once he could see the heart he just touched it, almost reverently at first. It started with a kiss, additional kisses, my hands in his hair, pulling his head to my bud, panting his name, his wet tongue, my deep moans and begging for him, and then he stopped, leaving me breathless. He dressed me again and pulled me along as we ran down the beach to our hut. I laughed so hard I almost tripped but when we crossed our threshold the humor ended and Jamie rocked my world.

I had trouble sleeping again that night and finally went outside to lay in the enormous hammock. The sounds of the water under me was calming and I dozed on and off. Jamie woke me with a dozen kisses on my face and cuddled us back to sleep. Just before dawn, I felt him suck my nipple and I gasped. I saw fire in his eyes and tried to get out of the hammock but he held me there and pressed into my slick center. His kiss took my breath away and our stomachs slapped together while he pushed into me without mercy. I felt him pushing me right off the hammock but could do nothing except tell him harder and faster. When we both climaxed together I was staring down at the ocean beneath us and Jamie was holding onto to my hips gasping for breath. I told him to let go and my naked body slipped into the water just four feet under us. 

Jamie and I swam naked as the sun peaked over the horizon. It was magical. We climbed out and showered off before being caught by the fishing boats that passed each morning. 

When I woke up there was coffee and scones to fuel my excitement for another incredible day.

We packed as much as possible into every minute and I knew I would never forget our incredible honeymoon.

I felt Jamie’s kisses all over my face before he nuzzled into my hair.

“Sassenach. We’re home, time to wake up.”

I could see he just woke up himself and I was relieved he was able to rest.

Scotland looked like a winter wonderland. It had snowed again for the last three days and I was very happy to see Angus waiting for us curbside. My God it was cold. As we piled in he handed us our coats and we were homeward bound.

What awaited us at home? Let’s see, pounding, sawing, drilling, hammering and an inch of drywall dust on everything. Snarky Jenny going into her last month of pregnancy. I start the hardest semester of my nursing program tomorrow and probably cannot get down our road with all this snow. I will probably deliver our baby after second semester, during finals week, necessitating special arrangements, proctors when I can take the exams, and a letter from the Dean to allow it all.

I looked at Jamie when he whistled at the depth of snow on our slightly plowed road. In my mind, I just saw roses… everywhere. They were up and down the road, all over the white fields, blooming every color imaginable. They were even in the rooms under construction. Everyone else might see a construction disaster zone but I just saw roses. Life's challenges will have to get much harder before I dread a single moment of this beautiful existence with Jamie, and that makes me happy.

The End (for now)

[shipppersrus]

The Kids Are Alright- Episode 1, Part 3

Possible trigger warning for a character mentioned who committed suicide.

Rated T

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4]

A/N:

This chapters discusses sexuality and sex.

This chapter discusses suicide. Trigger Warning

I grabbed my crutches and we all made our way to the couch. Louis sat my crutches down while I took a seat, once he sat I cuddled up next to him. Ruby, Asaim, Violet, came to play this go round. Louis dealt out the cards and apparently today we were playing War. We all put out our cards and Asaim scored the highest card with Louis scoring the lowest.

“Alright Asaim what is something you’ve been dying to know?” Louis awaited.

“When did this happen.” He pointed between him and I.

“I’m irresistible obviously. Brains, brawn, my dashing good looks, wonderful sense of humor; how could she resist.” Louis stated.

“Sure Louis, now tell us the real story.” Violet flight.

“I’m serious! Clem confessed her undying love for me, we shared a kiss and now she’s all about the Lou.” He pulled me tighter in his embrace.

“Clem is that true?” Vi studied my face.

“I wouldn’t say my undying love, but yeah I guess I made the first move.” My cheeks started to grow warm thinking of the moment that felt like forever ago.

“Like I said I’m irresistible.” He kissed the top of my head.

“Oh come on Lou, everyone knows you were head over heels for Clem since she got here this just proves that you didn’t have the balls to make the first move.” Vi called him out while everyone else giggled in agreement.

“Or I’m a gentleman and wouldn’t impose myself on a women who could probably rip my throat out with her bare hands.” Louis fought back.

“Alright, Alright guys next question.” Asaim asserted as we all drew or next card. This time I drew the highest card and Ruby drew the lowest.

“Poor sweet Ruby, come on Clem give her a good one.” Louis encouraged me.

“Alright Ruby, so how did Asaim pull you in?” I couldn’t help my curiosity.

“Well after the fight maybe a week later I found the sweetest poem on my dresser and it made my heart swell.” She grabbed his hands.

“I guess I owe Louis a thank you, I’m not giving it to you but it’s owed.” Asaim chimed in.

“Wait what did Louis have to do with it?” He never told me any of this.

“Well that love letter would of never seen the light of day if it wasn’t for me. I found it in the trashcan in our room and thought it was too good to waste.” Louis was all too proud of himself.

“More like rummaged through our trash can, but sure.”Asaim rolled his eyes.

“Well look at you now, you’re a taken man.” Louis gave him a wink. We all continued on to the next swipe of cards. This time Louis got to ask Violet a question.

“So Vi since we’re talking about love, would you say you’ve ever been in love?” Louis asked her.

“Obviously Minnie was my first everything. I remember our first kiss like it was yesterday, we were up the tower looking at the clouds and I kissed her. I was so scared but when she kissed me back I knew I was in love with her. It’s funny too cause when I saw her again alive and well all those feelings came rushing back but as soon as we spoke, the way she looked at me it was all different; almost like she was a new person and we never had known each other at all.” Violet player with her boots.

“I’m sorry Vi I didn’t mean to bring up dark memories.” Louis shifted on the couch.

“It’s not really dark if you think about it Minnie now and Minnie then we’re two different people. The end of the world has a way of changing people, I just wish I knew that before I went partially blind.” Vi half smiled. “I’m sorry again Clem. You has to make a tough call and I shouldn’t of said all those harsh things to you or tried to fight you when you came back to save us.”

The group grew silent as we all just sat there. That’s when Aj came running out the building.

“Louis it’s done!” Aj was jumping for joy.

“Perfect timing.” Louis stood up letting me fall back on the couch.

“Perfect timing for what?” I was confused. That’s when Louis picked me up and carried me to what seemed like the music room.

“Okay Clem close your eyes.” I thought about putting up a fight but decided not to. What were him and Aj up to.

Aj ran ahead of us as the cold from outside deserted my body to the weakness of the Admin Building. I felt Louis turn and it felt like we were in the music room. I could tell by the musty smell and the tingling feeling I got every time I thought about the moment I shared with Louis in here. When you start falling for someone everything feels familiar in the sense of the places you guys go together and the music room was filled with Louis. He finally put me down as I leaned my body weight on him.

“Now open.” I opened my eyes and the room was filled with pillows and red candles. The set up was very romantic. “Alright little man, thanks for all the help! This is where we part ways.” Louis set himself up for a high five.

“Wait, I can’t stay?” Aj’s fave dropped.

“First Clem and I need to talk then you can come back.” Louis smiles assuringly.

“Ok hurry up and talk I’ll be right on the stairs waiting!” Aj started to take off.

“Or you can draw up the best picture ever!” Louis encourages.

“Ok!” Aj says enthusiastically.

Louis helped me sit down on the soft pillow lay out as gently as he could. Him and Aj doing all this for me almost brought tears to my eyes. After Louis helped me he headed to the piano and reached behind it bringing over two rusted cans of soda and a chocolate bar.

“Wow where did you get these?!” I was completely surprised.

“I found these on my way home the night you- well anyway I found them and thought i’d save them for our real first technically second date.” He winked and sat right next to me.

,

“Lou I don’t know what to say.” I bit my lip. The emotions I felt were indescribable.

“Speechless I like it.” I could tell he was nervous. I leaned in to kiss him and he returned my gesture. It was simple yet so meaningful.

“Aren’t you going to open them.” I was ready to eat chocolate for the first time since forever.

“Whoa hold your horses Clem, you always have to save the best for last.” Louis got up and headed to the piano. “I want to play you the song I made for you, I added words to it, then if you think it’s completely terrible you’ll forget once you have the chocolate.” How could I ever think anything he’s done for me is terrible, he’s absolutely delusional. I listened as he took a deep breath.

The day you walked through those doors

My whole life changed evermore

You saw through my bullshit

And you’re with me through it

Thank you for your love

Your amber eyes are worth more than gold

They carry the secrets never told

I promise to protect you

I promise to love you

In a way you’ve never been before

Thank you Clem

You’re the light I never knew I was missin

Thank you Clem

I’ll protect you till my last breath

You deserve the world but till then here’s my hand.

I was speechless as the tears slipped down my cheek. I could never understand what I could do to deserve a guy like him. I searched and searched and searched for someplace safe to call a home where Aj could just be a kid without worrying about whatever waited on the other side but I never thought in a million years I would find this and more. I never thought I’d find someone who could make me smile without trying or someone who could care about Aj as much as I do. Someone who could love me for me, past the blood on my hands and the dirty laundry of the things i’ve done and now I have and nothing could of prepared me for this. I think I’m falling in love…

“Was it that bad… I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you cry.” He sat next to me I could see his hand lightly trembling.

“Shut up.” I cupped his face and slowly brought his lips to mine. He kissed back the butterflies turning into heat. His hand dropped to my waist as he pulled me closer to him, I wrapped my arms around his neck trying to pull him closer to me even though there was no air between us. It was like my lips knew exactly what to do, even though I don’t. My body was tingly all over and I felt really hot like I had a fever but I didn’t want to pull away or let go I wanted this moment forever. We kept going for what felt like forever till we heard the door creak and immediately pulled away Louis jumping back what felt like 5 feet.

“My pictures ready!” Aj busted through. Both Louis and I fought to catch our breath.

“It looks so good little dude.” Louis chimed in as he tried to compose himself.

“You can’t even see it from over there.” Aj pouted.

“Aj could you give us 5 more minutes.” I couldn’t look at him right now I was too embarrassed.

“But Clem-” Aj whined.

“Just 5. I promise Aj.” I negotiated. He moped out of the room and closed the door. Louis and I maintained our 5 feet apart as we both tried to figure out what just happened. We both started talking at the same time and stopped as the awkward silence fell between us.

“I guess we should bust out the chocolate before he comes back out here.” Louis finally made his way to me. “I’m sorry if that was too much I don’t know what happened.”

“No! I mean don’t be sorry. I liked it, I think… I never felt like that before.” I played with my jacket button.

“Me too.” He smiled.

He handed me a chocolate bar and it had a note with my name on it with hearts all around. I looked at him as he he watched me patiently open it.

‘Will you be my girlfriend. - Louis’

“Louis.” My heart was beating faster than it had ever beaten before.

“Eat the chocolate for yes, and run away for no.” He awaited my answer. I took a bite of the chocolate and watched his face beam. “Is that a yes?”

“That’s a yes!” He embraces me. We kiss again and the knock was back once more. “ Come on in Aj!”

We cuddled up as Aj shared his drawing with us, I haven’t been this happy since before everything happened. The boys had the fire going and all rested in each other’s company listening to the fire tick. Aj laid in my lap as I rubbed through his kinky hair. We laid there until he was sleep, I dozed off for a bit to see Louis playing the piano. I slid Aj off my lap and picked up my crutches as I made my way to him. As I stood behind Louis I could feel something was wrong, I couldn’t imagine what could be wrong in these moments but then it occurred to me that our quietest moments are typically our darkest hours. I rubbed his back as I moved my crutches to sit down next to him. The sad tune he played told me everything I needed to know

“Hey.” I started.

“Hey.” He kept playing.

“Want to talk about it?” I leaned on his shoulder.

“I don’t think so.” He kept his head down focused on the keys.

“Ok.” I listened to him quietly playing as I thought about all the ways we were different yet the same.

Louis lives, I survive; but we both probably never thought the last time we’d see our parents would be the last time we’d see our parents. It reminded me of what Ben said about Kenny when we were talking once. We talked about how much we missed our parents, he understood me or at least that part of me. It’s hard not to know if they’re living or dead or something else… until you find out.

“Erin was my first crush.” Louis tapped one of the keys over and over.

“Did she go here?” I asked.

“Yeah. She was super quiet but I knew she had a lot to say. She has colorful braces, and the happiest smile.” He smiled at the thought.

“Did she have feelings for you as well?” I wondered.

“Maybe. It was hard to say, something happened in her past that would never let me know.”

“Wha- what happened to her?” I was hesitant to ask him.

“When it all started they went out searching for help, some of the kids. When they came back I guess she saw something that scared her and she slit her wrist. I found her bleeding out, I was too late. She left me a note, it said keep living and breathing; that they would need me. It said If they don’t someone will. That was at the start and it helps me not give up on the darkest of days. Now I have you.” He looked at me.

“I have you too.” He kissed my hand.

I woke up the next morning to see Aj’s bed empty. I assumed they headed out to find the group they saw. I thought about yesterday, how I craved Louis’s kiss and now his touch it made me uncomfortable and comfortable all at the same time. I’ve never needed someone like that before, it scared me. I started to think about what we did, what it meant… and I needed answers. I sat up and put my jacket on as I searched for Violet. I became panicked as I thought about that hot feeling I had, did I have sex?!

I made my way made my way to violet's room and slammed the door.

“Violet I think I had sex!” I held onto the door my eyes wide in shock.

“You what!” Violet sat up from her book shocked. “Wait you and Louis had sex, no way!” She didn’t believe me.

“Well I’m not sure actually… we were kissing last night and we kissed in ways that we never kissed before, it was with.” I mouthed the word tongue as Violet awaited me to keep going. “I got really hot and felt weird but like all over my body, and I didn’t want to stop.”

She stared at me like she was waiting for me to keep going.

“What else?” She pressed on.

“Well Aj busted in and I swear we almost ran away from each other.”

“Clem…” she rolled her eyes but in a full body eye roll.

“What?” I was genuinely confused.

“You and Louis didn’t have sex… well if Aj didn’t walk in you may have.” She continued reading.

“Well then what was it?” I sat on her bed looking for answers.

“You guys made out and you liked it, that’s all.” She continued in her book.

“Oh… sorry. I don’t know much about this type of stuff.” I was very embarrassed, I didn’t want to run around telling people we had sex when we didn’t.

“What do you know?” Violet gave me here attention.

“I know about periods, masturbation, and I thought I knew what sex was.”

“Oh boy. You have a lot to learn.” She sat up and faces me.

After my chat with Violet and her almost too vivid description I learned a lot. I learned about sexuality, and bases, hooking up and other stuff. She didn’t leave out one single detail. Most people didn’t like talking to me about it but Vi seemed completely comfortable teaching me. She answered most of my curious questions but also dodged a few.

I headed back to my room as I journaled some things. A knock on my door took me out of my thoughts and I invited the person in, it was Willy.

“There back! They have stuff.” Willy shouted and took off running I got my crutches and headed out to the courtyard.

Aj was the first in carrying lots of fruit with him. He ran and gave me a hug as he headed to set down the fruit. Louis was next holding a bag full of weapons on his shoulder and more food as well. Another person followed behind them, it was James. James was holding a crate of something. He stopped when he saw me and I approached him.

“I thought about what you said Clementine. Maybe you’re right. I’m sorry.” James was very empathetic.

I thought long and hard for a second. Should I throw him out, what if this is a trap to take Aj. Or what if he’s sincere.

“You’ll be safe here James.” I put my hand out for him to shake. He shook it and headed inside.

“It’s good to see you Clementine. I knew you’d make it.” That voice echoed through my brain as I recalled all the memories it carried. Clementine do this, do that. She almost had me die with Luke, then tried to steal the car right before Arvo shot me. Her red hair and pale skin stood in front of me. I reached for my knife and smacked her in the face with my crutch the proceeded to tackle her. I don’t even know how I was on top her but I was my raged spilled out.

“You bitch!” I was ready to stab her and put her out of her misery.

“Clementine!”

[bourbonboredom]

Silver Lining Chapter 5

If you’re ever gonna find a silver lining, it’s gotta be a cloudy day

A ClydexReader fanfic

Word Count: 2,820

Warnings: cursing, very brief mention of abuse.

Silver Lining Masterlist

Tag List: @oh-adam  @kyloren-supreme-ben   @xis23 @elsablackswift   @ladygrey03 @grey-reylo-solo  @givemelifeorgiveme  @attorneyl

Clyde wasn't sure when he had fallen asleep, but the sun streaming through the living room woke him up the next morning. She was still there with him. They had somehow managed to fit both of their bodies on the couch, her frame curled along his. She was still asleep, as were his siblings, evident by their doors still being closed. He was grateful for that, he didn’t need any shit from them. He just wanted to stay like this a little bit longer.

He reached for his phone, which told him it was barely 7am. Mel often slept-off drinking well into the afternoon and Jimmy didn't have work so he figured he’d be undisturbed for at least a few more hours. He put his phone back down and settled back behind her. He kept his hands to himself but loved how her figure hugged his. Both still wearing last night’s clothes, her front was to his back, arms snaked around his waist, with their legs tangled together. It had been a long time since he’d been in any position close to this, and to tell the truth this made him miss it. He drifted off, the heat from her body helping him fall back asleep.

He woke up again a few hours later to her stirring next to him. He could hear her hum a little as she woke up, nudging her head into his back. He didn't open his eyes, but he felt her freeze around him, followed by a tiny gasp. She then gingerly removed herself from his side and got up, leaving a cold spot in her absence. He heard her shuffle around and then felt a blanket being put on top of him, followed by the trailer door opening and shutting. He got up to see she had left.

His face grew hot as he realized that she was probably horrified at waking up next to her boss after drinking. What if she didn't remember anything from last night? What if she thought he had taken advantage of her? Hot turned into a chill down his spine. She had gone through all of that abuse with her ex-fiancé and there he was up against her like he hadn't heard her pour her soul out to him last night.

He should text her, he thought. What would he even say? ‘Hey do you remember the very personal secrets you told me last night after drinking?’, ‘I promise I didn't even know we fell asleep but we didn't do anything other than that,’? He couldn't figure out how to word anything without sounding like a creep. He threw his head back and let out an exasperated sigh.

After typing and retyping for ten minutes he settled on ‘I don’t know if you remember but thank you for sharing what you shared with me last night, I’m glad you told me about where you’re from and how you got here. I know it took a lot for you and I wont tell anyone if you don’t want me to.’ he hit the send button before he could deliberate any longer.

He started cleaning the living room while waiting for answer, far to anxious to go back to sleep. He tried folding the blanket she had draped over him but didn't get far with one hand. Then he tried organizing the mail on the coffee table. Mail for two people wasn't really that time consuming and he was done before he could calm himself. He looked over at his phone to see there was still no message.

He picked up the remote and started flipping through channels aimlessly, settling on some morning talk show. He half-watched it for about fifteen minutes before he heard his phone chime. He grabbed it, opening his phone as fast as he could.

‘I do remember what I said last night, thanks for listening to me and thanks for not telling anyone. And I’m sorry for sleeping over, that was inappropriate of me, it wont happen again,’

His mouth tightened at the last part. He knew logically that she was right, it shouldn't happen again. But there was a part deep inside him that wanted it to happen again. Waking up next to her, having her hold him. As quick as the feeling came up, he buried it again. She didn't want that.

‘It’s okay, I understand, I’ll see you at work,’

He heard his siblings start to stir and put his phone away, last night was to be nothing and today was a new day.

———————————

She showed up to work a little later than usual. She has on a pair of worn-in jeans, a fitted t-shirt that was covered with a flannel, and her sneakers. She looked nervous. She barely met his gaze as she came up to the bar.

“Hey,” she said quietly

“Hey,”

“I just wanna say again that I’m sorry. Sleeping over definitely crossed a line. I know we’re friends and I know I spend a lot of time at your place but you’re still my boss and that wasn’t cool of me, and I’m sorry—”

“We both fell asleep, this wasn't your fault or my fault, it just happened. I’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable, I can make sure to get you home next time if y’want,”

She bit her lip and nodded her head, whispering a barely audible ‘okay’. She moved to start taking down the chairs from the tables and he stopped her.

“You’re taking it easy until you heal more,” he said firmly. Now that he knew she was hurting, he was gonna go easy on her. “Go get the bar ready, I got this,”

She went over to the bar and the two worked in comfortable silence for a while. Him tidying up the seating area and bringing out the newly cleaned glasses from the back, and her prepping the bar area. The citrus was cut and stored perfectly, everything was properly cleaned, and the bar was fully stocked and ready to go. He was in the storage closet getting napkins to fill the dispensers when he heard a loud crash and a scream.

He ran out to the main room to see nothing. She wasn’t standing behind the bar anymore. Then he heard a groan from behind the counter. He leaned over the bar to see she was on the ground surrounded by broken glass.

“Are you okay?” He asked, hopping over the bar to get to her. His shoes crunched on the ground as they came into contact with glass shards.

She looked out of it, like she hadn't full processed what had happened.

“I— I was trying to put the glasses away and I lifted up the crate too quickly and my side got this sharp pain and I think I dropped them too fast and—” she finally seemed to notice the glass that was surrounding her and her eyes went wide.

“Oh no, oh no I’m so sorry I didn’t mean for that to happen, I’ll pay for everything, please I’m so sorry—”

“It’s okay! Here let me—” he extended his hand out to help her up and she flinched violently, her whole body trying to get away from him.

Oh.

Oh.

It all clicked in to place for him.

She did everything perfectly at the bar because she was afraid of what would happen if she didn't. He remembered what she had told him the night before. How her ex had beat her to a pulp for messing up a damn dinner reservation.

His skin crawled and he pulled his hand back to his side. She looked so scared. He said her name as gently as he could.

“It’s okay, they're just glasses. Are you hurt? Did you get cut? Here, I wanna help you up,” He extended his hand again, slowly and palm up so she knew he wasn't going to hit her. She took his hand and hoisted herself up, glass falling off her as she stood.

“I’ll pay for everything I swear, please don’t fire me I’ll fix this, I can fix this,”

“Hey, hey don’t worry about it, it was an accident. They’re just glasses, I’m not mad at you,” His hand stayed holding on to hers as he carefully brushed some glass off her shoulder. “You got glass all over you, its dangerous, I’ll help you get it off, c’mon,”

He led her to the sink in the small kitchen, reassuring her the whole time. He had her remove her flannel, which he took outside to shake off. She washed her hands and splashed some water on her face to calm down. He came back inside and handed her shirt back, she shrugged it back on and avoided his gaze as she spoke.

“I really am sorry, you can take the damage out of my paycheck,”

He breathed a sigh and opened his arms to her.

“C’mere,”

She hesitantly stepped toward him and he enveloped her into a hug, which she returned.

“I’m not takin’ your money, and we’ll manage just fine with a few missin’ glasses. I was worried you hurt yourself,” he rested his chin on the top of her head like he did the night before. “And it’s okay to mess up, nothin’ will happen here if y’do,”

Her fingers grabbed at the fabric of his shirt, hugging him tighter. She took a few slow deep breaths and let go. The two separated but still stood close to one another.

“Thank you, I think I’ve calmed down now. I’ll go clean up the glass,” she started to walk to the supply closet to grab the broom but Clyde caught her hand before she could go too far.

“I’ll take care of it, I think you should head home early, you took quite the fall and you said your side was hurtin’. You’re takin’ the night off,”

“But—”

“As your boss, I’m orderin’ you. I’m not doin’ it because I’m mad or as punishment, it’s to help you. As your friend, I’ll stop by your place after my shift to check on you if you want,”

“Was it my boss or my friend hugging me just now?” her nose crinkled as she smiled, clearly feeling in better spirits now that she knew she wasn’t in danger.

“Excuse me lil’ miss, don’t get wise on me. Now get on home,” he shooed her away with a small smile on his lips. She said her goodbyes and he heard the front door shut behind her.

He retrieved the broom from the closet and swept up the glass. She really only broke the top layer that had been sitting in the crate. Apart from a few cracked ones near the bottom, she really hadn't caused that much damage. He made a note to reassure her of that later.

He hoped that when she got home she would actually rest and not continue to deep clean her house like she had taken to doing over the last few days. The cigarette smell was disappearing, but it was replaced with a near overwhelmingly-clean scent that could only be achieved by a combination of Clorox, Mr. Clean, and Swiffer.

She’d put on the radio and open all the windows and sing along as she cleaned, which Clyde could hear from his own house. The though made him smile as he bagged up the glass and brought it to the trash. He turned on the jukebox to fill the bar with something other than silence. Something that would remind him of her in her absence.

The shift that night started off normal. It was when Jimmy came in that things started getting out of hand. His brother tells him that he’d been let go from his job and was feeling all sorts of angry. And then an couple of out-of-towners come in and start making fun of his hand and treat him like a sideshow. He would’ve gotten through it with gritted teeth, but then Jimmy had to go and escalate the whole thing. His brother slamming a millionaire’s head into his bar was not how he saw this night going but here they were.

Before he could even think to stop himself, he was throwing a molotov cocktail into a car window, explaining to the out-of-towners that it was retaliation for assaulting his brother. When his brother came out of the bar and walked back to his truck he thought he heard him say something familiar. Something that hadn’t been said to him in years.

“Did you just say ‘cauliflower t’me?” he yelled across his parking lot as his brother drove off into the night. He realized then that he was gonna have a helluva story for her on what’d she had missed.

———————————

He went over to her place the next morning. In all the excitement of the night before, he never made it over to check on her. He didn't get much sleep that night, and was woken up by the smell of burnt bacon. His older brother had made him breakfast the way he liked, which helped him take the news of him wanting to pull off a robbery. It had been well over ten years since Jimmy had tried to drag him into this sort of trouble, being that the last one ended in Clyde winding up in Juvie.

But the plan did have a lot of sense to it, he’d clearly thought it through. But they would need help to pull it off and so Jimmy called the Monroe County Jail to schedule a visitation with their intended partner in crime. But that was for another day. Right now, he had to go an explain to her why there were scorch marks in the parking lot.

She was drinking coffee and watching morning talk shows when he got there. She opened the door, standing in sleep shorts, a tank top and her hoodie. Her hair was thrown up in a bun he couldn't think of any better way to be greeted than with that outfit on and her smile.

“Hey, want some coffee? I just made a fresh pot,”

“Yes please,” she motioned for him to sit on the couch while she grabbed a mug from the kitchen.

“Cream and sugar?”

“Yes ma’am,”

“First you call me ‘miss’ now you're calling me ‘ma’am’,” she teased as she prepared his coffee. “You’re aging me,”

“I don’t know about all that,” he said. She came back from the kitchen, handing him his coffee and sitting on the couch next to him.

“So, what’d I miss at Duck Tape last night? Besides cleaning up broken glass. Sorry again, by the way,”

“Well,” he started, taking a long sip of his coffee. How was he going to explain this one?

“Some guys came around the bar last night. They were from outta town, had something to do with NASCAR. They were a little rude but nothing I haven't heard before, but Jimmy took it personal and started a bar fight,”

“No! I missed a bar fight? I don’t get any of the fun!”

“Well, the guys really ganged up on Jimmy so I might've taken a bottle from the bar and made a molotov cocktail for their car,”

“Clyde Logan,” her mouth made a perfect ‘o’ that slowly formed into a smile she was desperately trying to hide, “Are you telling me you set some guys car on fire for messing with your brother?”

“I might be,” she smacked his arm and gave a short laugh.

“Well anyone who’s got the nerve to be rude to you deserves it, what’d he even say to make Jimmy jump like that?”

“It was about my hand. He was just being ignorant and thought he was being funny. It was nothing I hadn't heard before,”

Her face fell, and she rubbed his left shoulder gently.

“Some people have no sense, I’m glad your brother did something about it. Do you think you’ll get in trouble?”

“I think he understood that if he said anything about the car, I’d be mentioning how he attacked my brother and that would cause problems for him. Besides once he saw how I could torch his car, I’m sure he got the sense of how much damage I could do even with a prosthetic,”

“Well it sounds like they wont be bothering you again,” she pressed her forehead to his shoulder momentarily, making his heart flutter.

They spent the next hour or so watching talk shows together. She eventually swung her legs onto the couch and curled up closer to him. She leaned her weight onto him and he did the same. It must’ve looked downright domestic, them drinking coffee and watching tv together in the morning light. He liked the thought of that. he allowed himself to indulge if only for a moment. It was a lot easier to think about than what was to come.

[dancingarchitect]

There have been times when I’ve wondered if Black Thought should be in the running for #goat emcee. This video is one of those times. My friend and colleague, drummer Morgan Childs, actually transcribed these amazing rhymes: Uh I’m sorry for your loss it’s somebody dead in a car and it’s probably one of yours The writin’ all across the window and the walls Whether it was true or false We shouldn’t have got involved Remember We walked past the teacher take the chalk and laugh We wrote punishments “I will not talk in class” Now it’s pistols punishing people for talking fast And all these innocent bystanders is haulin’ ass I hate to say “I told y’all” but I told y’all Things fall apart when the center to weak to hold y’all I’m just collecting what you owe to my owe jar You ‘bout to get swooped down on and stoled on Fools swear they wise, wise men know they foolish but we was headed for the web even before computers I never thought you’d give me a reason to do this Cain and Abel Jesus and Judas Caesar and Brutus I see intruders avert yer eyes I told you keep out of the hood Circumcise How could you sleep, I thought you always was the first to rise Eyo you heard the line Errybody plays the fool Well I be that exception to the rule The principal that hand deliver lessons to the school I was makin’ major moves My dollar déjà vu My mission when my ambition was brandishin’ the tool to be an icon wearin’ slippers made of python Get mine quicker ‘cause I’m slick as a pipeline Transportin’ the oil tribulation and toil hit the operation but I’m back in the soil Got my crown tilted, my gown quilted silk with cashmere burn the room down in a minute, built it last year Newsflash, I dodged the bullet that killed the cashier My homie told me to come with him to the masthead Them brothers said don’t go from written bars filled with rage to prime time television and your gilded cage Then forget there’s people in the world still enslaved I bar white at my wrist, and let it fill the page Gunfire and flare Sirens glare I’m in an iron chair with people who care don’t get the lion’s share When I don’t give a fuck then I ain’t fair I’m on a higher table people getting’ money like the finest hair Catch the herald I’m fresh chopped and beveled rap on a doctorate level so F Scott Fitzgerald Maybe I’m the new Rakim Maybe I’m Fab Pharoah Undergarments are armor be my intimate apparel Pre-Kardashian Kanye My rhyme play immaculate Same cadence as D.O.C. pre-accident Maybe my acumen is on par with Gucci rappin’ and gimme the proper respect motherfucker we back again For a couple things we lost in a fire the drive and desire to perform on a higher plateau I make that show lost in a mire Wondering how we got so far from inspired Look, when photos were sepia toned and record players were something you would keep in your home Yo the traveller the meanin’ Tariq he was known For the exemplary performance, uniquely his own I made the 21 pound for some a newfound religion When money’s put down there’s only one sound to make OGs and young lions equally proud to listen To seek what amalgam-ism an algorithm comin’ from where only kings and crowns permitted to darkness Where archaeologists found my image in parchment rolled into a scroll holdin’ a message for you It said the only thing fo sho is taxes death and trouble The anomaly, sworn solemnly high snobbery Freakinomics and war policy dichotomy That’s Heaven and Hades Tigris and Euphrates His highness, the apple of the iris to you ladies As babies we went from simolac to infomill to the internet and fentanyl when our consent was still against the will I got that detox for y’all The microphone doctor black Deepak Chopra I’m a griot that make you want to peacock your arm every heavy dignitary payin’ me top regards boy I’m three octaves far from the bi noc ulars so the smart money feelin’ get the heat out the car yo I’m K dot Lamar meets Tupac Shakur Got profiled by a few cops too hot to charge, listen somebody said a price tag was on a rapper’s head so we gonna see a nice bag when a rapper dead the mast black the flag green black and red they probably wave a white flag out the prasma shed (?) no doubt Yo the Game went they own route I can’t explain what these lame kids is talmbout Or how they fit they whole foot into their own mouth I put a couple bodies in a brown bag then I’m en route I’m sneaker shoppin’ with my stuntas size 8 prior to they release, cuz why wait? Look, in my state I got electrified gates for these blasé gods hatin’ at a high rate ‘cause I dodged fate then got great to fly straight if we ain’t family or friends then we don’t vibrate and I’m that Gun in yah face none of y’all safe If I catch you at the right time in the wrong place Slippin’ Sipping on somethin’ with a strong taste Like whiskey or bootleg bourbon with a corn base (Malavine?) take resemble a vehicular threat The mic I spray resemblin’ a sickle of death It ain’t strenuous to come from a continuous breath I set fire to the venue Imma spin you in step Rinse repeat You checkin’ for the sound of the beats I’m the hound I’m a creep I get down Imma eat Imma keep sumpin’ and lay a naysayer to sleep playin’ wit heat nobody and nothin’ fucking with ‘Riq yo these weaklings is claiming they cutting up in the streets Nigga peace You ain’t workin’ with nuttin’ but the police, listen you ain’t feelin’ to be nothin’ but the deceased, listen you in the tournament with a permanent crease I strike fear in the hearts of rap figures who mind bears the stigmas of time no black privilege From Boom Bap niggas To trap niggas you in the trap wit us When the lines is as vivid as the walls on that grab all the graph by the law to rap I reside between the seconds on the chronograph How much more CB4 can we afford? It’s like a sharia law On My Cherie Amour How much hypocrisy can people possibly adore? But ain’t nobody workin’ on a cure? My young boy Y’all just regular I’m an apex predator Brim stay fresh feathered up etcetera nevertheless I got a message of love One day a messenger yo my pen is Henry Kissinger Buzz Bissinger, look My caporegime Mr Noradeen and my oldest son Amin Saleem outta New Orleans Took a golf cart to the baccarat From the Waldorf What was on the walls? That depend on what you call art Imma say 300 k ain’t even in the ballpark I charge more just for awkward small talk So yes Who’s fuckin’ with it if it’s not the best? I get the lobby painted fresh upon my request It’s Kafkaesque His holiness stop the press that cobalt blue Reminiscing on my caress Lord, we got Padma Lakshmi for you Let her massage the back with black seed oil The foundation is firm, the flags need soil Me, I need royalty because I bleed royal Go through the veins to the brain fabulous and strange My journalistic range is a catalyst for change They got anybody to listen pissin’ flames and ‘cause the Hall of Fame got so many missin’ names I’ll acknowledge the original peoples not Oliver Y’all will the get the next challenger for Excalibur Um… more police for my core beliefs They tried to capture me and brand me on the cheek with a fleur de lis that side of my heart’ll be more discrete I’m international, my passport pages like War and Peace I’ve always played my part From the start Back in Philly where the triggers is mandatory to spark With the slightest inflammatory remark I have you in a livin’ a category apart, listen A grain of salt’ll tip the scales It never fails Walk on eggshells sleep on a bed of nails Criminal records like record sales Makin’ heads or tails we like Henrietta (L)acks Up in the cells My mother was a working class very loving woman who struggled, every dinner could have been her last supper (summer?) I come home chasin’ good for nothin’ half cousins and then walk in the crib to the smell of crack cookin’ she was introduced to that substance abuse or some of the strongest drugs that the gov’ment produced look, I even got excused by the principal My story is out of the dub dub interview I seen some ice cold summers, hot winters too I never thought I’d win Grammy awards with the Roots I never thought I would be getting’ long in the tooth My OGs told me “boy, you better go and live your truth” I am a walking affirmation That imagination and focus and patience gets you closer to your aspiration and just cuz they give you shit don’t mean you have to take it My words capture greatness sworn affidavits Yours truly the celestial being You stay seein’ pulling up in a fresh European High steppin out of it dressed to a T And not another got more soul, unless you Korean (!!!!) I’ve been Havin’ visions of Nat Turner holdin’ his master’s head like Yoric and Horatio in Hamlet Smackin’ it like a tennis racquet underhanded Send a message to the gram the eagle has landed Dressed in a military jacket made of canvass I am no guerilla/gorilla I just make ‘em go bananas I stand and wear black and green bandanas cocked hammers hairs on my chin is outstandings Can’t manage the weight of the world is just how I ball it Look, I’ve fallen from the sky to see my calling I’m not crawling I’m a free man like Morgan Seein’ manhood in the hood’s a damn good bargain If every black man don’t tap dance and every girl that got a fat booty don’t lap dance well I guess it’s something wrong, huh Niggas completely uninformed I don’t burn bridges, yo, I keep the haters round to fall I ain’t one of y’all peers I’m the sum of all fears Somebody stronger than me, who that? I mar ears like Obama I wish he had another four years Y’all some jolly good Hollywood squares I’m like “ahem” approach the author witcha offering I smoke rappers writin’ like my only offspring Being his excellency is to be exhausting You in the residency, you’re the one they call King Dolla Ali Baba the talented Mr Trotter Inside of my right palm the marker to stick My the big papa wig chopper Enter the Jaffe Jocker mawfucker I’m stronger than the coffee out in Kaffa All y’all make his vagina hot remind me of my kinda pop I step into the booth I’m a bull inside a china shop Mollywhopper washin’ of a cotton pickin body drop Every time we rock, yo they actin’ like it’s Mardi Gras Til the party stop ‘sgirl was like she there for rory gel (the fuck?) So we saw you pumpin’ that Earth Wind and Fire body ya Cool the Prada Dakar la Merino hard body up You seen another rapper cleaner, mami prolly not How it feel to be the best that did it I’ll admit it I’m visiting from planet bring these niggas down for minutes And y’all know I’m exquisite Wicked as Wilson Pickett The sickness I exhibit I’m too legit to quit it I don’t fake it til I make it, I take it to the limit and break it Never tentative when I’m bad I represent it A feeling just like chases Been a million places Conversation is how beautiful my face is People hated on how sophisticated my taste is Then I pulled up on these motherfuckers in a spaceship Panther mind I’m made of elements you can’t combine I’m at a level of intelligence you can’t define Einstein, Shakespeare, Voltaire, Tesla Recording artist slash psychology professor I preach for the east Never fold under pressure The beast from the east and I glide like Clyde Drexler Eyo my new name is Eighty Five Exes cause I’m the rap game certified specialist When I was reckless I was worried ‘bout the guest list I’m helpin’ rappers everywhere fulfill a death wish Yo Flex, I’m glad we made contact My nigga also know, this shit for combat Brain matta contain too much data I tell a story like fingerprints and blood splatter

[itmighthavebeenintentional]

Walk Me Home - Ch 4

Summary: Twenty-four years ago, Kimberly Harper met a boy who changed the course of her entire life before up and leaving one night. She spent years moving past the memories, building a stable, satisfying career as professor of folklore and mythology at the local university. Then the accidents start, and she’s forced to seek help among her hunter contacts. All it takes is a knock on her office door to send Kimber’s carefully built emotional walls crumbling to the ground.

Featuring: Teen Winchesters, high school romance, reunions, misunderstandings, high intensity emotional turmoil, Dean’s love of pie, Dean being adorable, Sam being adorable and maybe a bit nosy eventually, much group adorkable-ness, show-style investigation, mention of our favorite werewolf, gratuitous and obvious love of fall, DID I MENTION ROMANCE, fluff, smut, tension. 

Warnings: Show level violence, show level parental neglect (let’s not John bash, I’m just saying), show-style witchcraft, show-level mental manipulation, stalking, bit of angst, sexual content (higher than show level),swearing, general yearning

Word Count: 2702

Author’s Note: Mega thanks to @mskathywriteswords​ , @fangirlxwritesx67​, and @cracksinthewalls​ for editing, revision, flailing, and generally knocking sense into me when I’m being stubborn. You all made this story way better than it started it, and I love you. Thanks to everyone who read/reblogged/liked the first chapter. I hope you enjoy the story as much as I do. 

@thoughtslikeaminefield​ , I hope you still love this as much as the first time you read it. I know I do.

Keep in Mind: There are a lot of flashbacks. I tried to write current events in present tense and flashbacks in past tense. Here’s hoping I got everything right!

Please read/heed the warnings. 18+ ONLY. 

In Case You Missed It: Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 ItMightHaveBeenIntentional’s Masterlist

Chapter 4

Kimber knows she’s staring, but she can’t stop herself. His fingers, rough and strong from years of the hardest work, brush circles over her wrists that send her pulse fluttering through her veins. So many emotions flicker behind his eyes, some of them mirroring her own, some of them alien and unreadable. So many years have passed, so much water under the bridge, as the saying goes. 

The thing is, he was completely right earlier. She could have called him, once she learned who he and his family were, once she found a way.

But he had left town with her phone number memorized. He was in a much more logical position to get in touch, and right away, at that. And he never did. She knows he had a good reason, a completely reasonable one that would make sense if she just asked him.

But she’s scared and drained and confused and more than a little ashamed, and she’s tired of making a fool of herself.

She drops her eyes before the tears fully form and murmurs a quiet thanks as she loosens her hands from his grip. Though walking away is not what she wants to do, she forces her legs straight to the bathroom, closing the door behind her with a firm click. 

She’ll feel better after a hot shower. That’s all she needs, a hot shower and a few hours of sleep. They’ll figure this out tomorrow, and then Dean and his brother will ride off into the sunset, and everything will go back to normal. She’ll go back to her classes as usual, helping out the occasional hunter or scholar with some lore, and she’ll bury all these feelings behind her heart again, drown them so deep they’ll never dream of resurfacing.

At least, that’s the fairy tale she tells herself as the scalding stream washes the saltwater from her cheeks. 

She actually does feel moderately restored by the time she steps out of the bathroom. She feels a little ridiculous in Dean’s clothing. The sleeves of the t-shirt hang past her elbows, and the pants legs are rolled up several times to keep her from tripping. 

At least the waist has a drawstring, she thinks as she rounds the corner back into the room. She pulls the towel from her hair, shaking it out a little just as Dean looks up from his laptop at the small table. His mouth opens, eyes widening. She’s not sure because of the poor lighting of the room, but his face seems to color a little as his eyebrows lift.

She is suddenly, acutely aware that she did not put her bra back on when getting dressed in his white t-shirt that is probably not nearly as thin as it feels.

Dean clears his throat, turning back to his computer, swallowing whatever comments have entered his mind. Kimber can’t decide whether to laugh or blush even harder and settles for the third option of hanging her office clothes up so they can air out a little before tomorrow. 

With nothing else to do, she drops onto the edge of the bed gracelessly, feeling every minute of the last few weeks catching up with her. Uncertainty and fear claw at her, ripping away what little defenses she has left. The image of the mutilated doll flashes before her eyes, red paint splashed luridly on her favorite comforter. Her lungs clench, and she sags on the mattress. 

She presses her fingers hard against her face. Acid burns at the back of her throat, bitter and biting. Her fingernails are just beginning to dig into her scalp when she registers the click of the laptop closing. Half a moment passes, then the bed dips beside her. 

She doesn’t consciously decide to move; her body simply molds itself to his side as Dean slides his arm around her back. He turns into the embrace, his other arm gathering her tightly against him. His cheek comes to rest on top of her head. The silence between them is the comfort she needs, his warmth and solidity the anchor that keeps her from drifting too far into panic.

When he finally speaks, his words rumble through her nerves, settling heavy and soothing in her chest.

“We’re gonna get this son of a bitch, Kimber. I’m sorry they got into your house, but I’m glad I was with you. I…” She rises gently with his deep inhalation, pressed as she is against his chest. “I’m sorry.”

She hears what he isn’t saying, and her hands drop from her face, her arms slipping around his middle as her eyes close.

“Me, too, Dean.”

...

“That pumpkin pie was somethin’ else,” Dean murmured. His arms were folded behind his head as he stretched out on top of Kimber’s bedspread. He crossed his ankles, settling in like he belonged there. His thin t-shirt stretched across his wiry frame, jeans lying enticingly low on his hips, and she could just see a glimpse of pink toe through a hole in one of his socks.

A pleasant, off-balancing thrill skipped down Kimber’s spine, twirling through her stomach and making her head spin a little. Dean’s jacket was hung carefully on her desk chair, his boots lined up on the floor underneath, and his button-up overshirt folded neatly on the desk.

Her parents had gone to bed long ago, and she had snuck Dean in the back door. After their exhilarating but chilled stroll that afternoon, she’d decided against the treehouse. Dean had been amused but willing, although he’d had one stipulation that had nearly made her laugh aloud.

“We get caught and your folks kick me out, you’re bringing me your mom’s leftovers to school every day for breakfast. I’m not missin’ out on home cooking just because you can’t stand to be away from me.”

Now, seeing him so comfortable on her bed, like he just belonged...Kimber knew the smile on her face was on the goofier end of sappy, but she couldn’t help it. He was just so damned…

“Cute,” he said, smirking up at her. “I know what you’re thinking. And I’m not cute. I’m adorable.”

She sighed dramatically, feigning exasperation. “Fine, you’re gorgeous, adorable, vital, the absolute most. Now close your eyes so I can change.” Smirk still firmly in place, Dean dutifully closed his eyes. She knew, despite the short time she’d known him, that she could trust Dean to keep his eyes shut.

She spent a few seconds regretting the lack of any silky, dramatic nightgowns or cute, sexy little matching pajama sets. Oh, well; couldn’t have everything. She stripped quickly, tossing her school clothes into the hamper and slipping on her “Aaahh!!! Real Monsters” t-shirt. Thick socks and plaid pajama pants completed her night ensemble. 

That she had just been naked (however unseen said nakedness had been) in front of Dean Winchester had not escaped her. She licked her lips, cheeks warm, and turned slowly back to the bed. He lay still, chest rising and falling steadily, and she marveled, not for the first time, that he was here, in her room. Just for her.

Her pulse jumped, her lungs tightened, and for just a second, Kimber panicked.

“You can, uh...you can open your eyes. I’m gonna go brush my teeth; I’ll be right back.”

She fled silently down the hallway, brushed her teeth in record time, and then stared in the mirror. Her hair was just her hair, nothing amazing or horrifying; no point trying to fix that before bed. Maybe…make-up?

“Kimber. What the hell?” she muttered. “You’re not seducing him, just be cool. Jeez. You can’t wear make-up to bed.”

She splashed cold water on her face, scrubbing her skin dry with a hand towel more forcefully than necessary. She gave her reflection another once-over and took a deep breath.

“You’re his choice, too,” she reminded herself. “Just chill.”

She found him exactly as she’d left him, completely relaxed on the bed, eyes still closed. She thought for a moment that he might have fallen asleep. Kimber wasn’t sure if she felt more disappointment or relief.

“You left in a little bit of a hurry,” he murmured, eyes still closed, and she started. “Everything okay?” She almost put him off, could feel the brush-off on her lips, but his eyes slid open, pinning her on the spot. She got the eerie sense that he would know, that he already knew she was trying to put on a front, and she deflated a little.

“I’m nervous,” she finally admitted. The heat in her cheeks turned up a few degrees, spreading down her neck, and she crossed her arms over her chest defensively. “I’ve never...snuck a guy to my room before. I just...this is mostly new to me, but with you, I want...I don’t know.”

Without a word, Dean slid from the bed and crossed the room, his mesmerizing eyes never leaving hers. He stopped a few feet away and waited, his arms open. With the bed suddenly out of the equation, Kimber felt a hidden knot of anxiety untie in her chest. 

She let out a breath and stepped into his embrace, her arms circling his waist in a way that felt easy and right. Dean’s lips pressed a warming kiss to the crown of her head. 

“Sweetheart,” he whispered. “This is your room, your space, but even if it wasn’t-” He paused, leaning back and brushing his thumb over her cheek. “Kimber, look at me.”

She did, and his earnest expression left no room to doubt his next words. It barely left room for breathing.

“ ‘M not here to make you feel uncomfortable or scared. I’m here because you want me to be. The second that stops, the second I make you feel something you don’t want, that’s it. Period. Does that work for you?”

His eyes, so plaintive and weathered in that moment, cut right to her heart. Never in her life had Kimber felt so safe, so protected, and so very sad. She couldn’t think of any words that lived up to the magnitude of what Dean had just said, so she simply squeezed him tighter, pressing her face against the side of his neck. 

“Can you stay?” she asked. She knew he had obligations, probably needed to get back to his brother or at least check in with his dad. She felt terribly selfish in her warm, safe house with her parents right down the hall. Still, she asked. 

“Yeah, I can stay for a while.” His smile, soft and open, laid her doubts to rest. They settled onto the bed, fumbling a little awkwardly to find a position they both liked. There was some bumping, mumbled apologies, until they finally sorted out a comfortable twist of limbs that didn’t set her heart beating out of her ribs or threaten to cut off blood flow to anything important. 

She relaxed by increments, her cheek resting on his collarbone. He hugged her close with his left arm, his right hand combing slowly through her hair over and over. The silence settled around them like a second blanket, soothing and heavy.

“What do you want to do when you finish school, Kimber? College?”

“Probably,” she murmured. “I don’t know specifically, but I like research.”

He snorted, and she poked him in the side.

“Shut up, you jerk, I do. And I like sharing the information. I like helping people. I don’t really want to be a teacher, but maybe I can find something where I can do all of that.”

Dean resumed combing her hair, having paused when she poked him, and they settled a little more closely together.

“Dean?”

“Mmm?”

She blinked slowly, sleep pulling at her eyelids. Her thoughts spun out languidly, losing their urgency as his warmth seeped through the thin fabric of her pajamas. 

“How about you?”

His answer came quickly, rehearsed and without thought. “Join the family business. Dad’s been training me for years. Don’t have a lotta choice, but I know I’ll be good at it. Was raised for it.”

Her fingers crept up, her eyes staying closed for longer and longer periods between blinks. She slid her thumb over his chin, just brushing the line of his bottom lip before sliding slowly up his jaw. 

His words weren’t emotionless, but they were automatic. There was so much he never said, and she hated to push him, afraid he would just leave or shut down, but…

“But what do you want?” She persisted, drowsiness interfering with her usual restraint. “Who do you want to be?”

He was silent for so long, she nearly gave in to fatigue. She drifted on the edge of unconsciousness, fingers stroking through the silky strands of hair behind his ears. She felt his face turn, his lips press against her wrist.

“I want...this,” he said. Even half-asleep, she couldn’t mistake the raw longing behind his words. “I want...I want to work a boring, regular job and come home to someone who missed me all day as much as I missed her. I want my kids to cannonball into my legs so hard they knock me over. I want…”

His words choked off, and she stilled her fingers against his cheek, waiting for him to continue.

“I want a house. No...I...when I was little, Dad would come home, and he would just...sweep Mom up sometimes, swing her around, when they weren’t fighting. Even when they were, he’d do it sometimes anyway just to get her to laugh.”

She felt his face shift beneath her hand, but his smile didn’t feel quite right, and she moved closer. His arm tightened around her back, and he smoothed the palm of his free hand down to cup her jaw.

“I want a home. I want to be a dad, a husband. I want a family.”

She felt childish, shallow next to the depth of his simple declaration. Dean wanted what she had, what she took for granted every day of her life. This was the first time he’d spoken of his mother, and though curiosity burned hot inside her, she didn’t dare ask further questions, afraid she’d break the spell of the moment.

Dean’s voice dropped until she could feel it more than hear it, his lips pressing softly against her forehead.

“I want to come home and hold someone until I fall asleep every night. I want to wake up to her and know that my whole day, every day, is gonna be just that, all over again.”

She lifted her face to his then, and in the darkness of her bedroom she could only just make out the barest lines of his features. Their noses brushed, his hand gently pulling at the back of her head, and their lips met. His cheek was damp under her fingertips, and her heart clenched. 

She pulled his head down, brushing her lips over the tears trickling down his cheekbones more by feel than by sight. Both his arms came around her then, pulling her against his chest as he buried his face in his hair. They breathed together, memorizing each others’ scents, heartbeats, rhythms as the night crept by. 

The moment didn’t pass so much as gradually relax until Kimber felt him shift beneath her, smoothly sliding her off his chest and down to the pillows. He kissed her temple, and her face automatically turned to his, chasing his lips. She felt him chuckle against her mouth.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, I gotta go. Need to check on Sammy, make sure he got dinner, did his homework, all that mess. I’ll see you tomorrow. Walk you to school?”

She nodded, humming her agreement even as she blindly reached for him. Something soft brushed against her fingers, and she automatically pulled it down, cuddling against the fabric. 

“Hold onto that for me. I’ll get it back from you sometime.” She felt a kiss press to her forehead, and then the click of her door closing. She breathed in, Dean’s scent surrounding her as she slipped under again, his button-up shirt pillowed under her cheek and tangled in her fingers. 

…

To Be Continued...