#I’ve been listening to a guy talk about a book about a child who struggles with attachment bond creation and yes that did influence this

[spontaneouselfcombustion]

It’s very weird thinking about how things like míriel just Giving Up and dying is essentially???? Kinda???? Like??? Elf suicide???? Like she dies of her own will and volition. She even does it after a traumatic event (bc a childbirth that intense and medically effecting does count), in a state similar postpartum depression? Like she’s so unable to keep going she just Doesn’t. And it’s the first time that’s ever happened. And even living in the halls of mandos and just Vibing doesn’t help soothe and restore her. Even when she finally DOES reembody she says close to the dead and the goddess of sadness like damn, my girl is really going through it and elves never invented psychology so rip.

And just— when you put it like that. Finwë wife killed herself in paradise. She couldn’t continue and she chose to not be alive anymore. No one has ever done this (yet— I’m lookin at you thousands of elves about to get tortured n shit B) ). He’s got a wee baby to care for his wife just effectively committed suicide and he has no support because no one fucking knows what to do with this. It’s never happened before there’s no protocol for this. And she won’t come back. it’s not just that she can’t like with humans it’s that she’s choosing not to. It’s cruel to put it this way but she’s actively abandoning her husband and baby who love and need her. It’s not her intention and in many ways it’s something she can’t help but it doesn’t change that it’s going to feel like that for them. So finwë is just left totally bereft and isolated and pours everything into fëanor until the loneliness is so unbearable he asks to be able to remarry because he can’t take the sorrow and isolation anymore.

And then for fëanor man— she’s not just gone she chose to be gone and he did that to her. That’s so damaging to a growing child. Like it’s not totally true and míriel would never blame him but when you look solely at the facts— míriel is Fine, míriel has fëanor, míriel is so Not Fine she chooses to pass on. It’s going to eat at him. And again since this has never happened before and finwë doesn’t even have the experience of raising any other children to rely on for some of it none of it gets addressed really. Fëanor and finwë become intensely enmeshed and codependent because they’re the only two elves in all existence at this point who can comprehend this kinda is suffering and trauma. And OFC fëanor hates his stepmom and half brothers. It’s CLASSIC we can all look at fëanor and see like, the standard template of every kid struggling with changes to the family dynamic after a parent’s death or a divorce. It’s just no one here has HAD a parent die like this OR had a divorce. So once again no one actually knows what the fuck they’re looking at or what to do with it and so it festers.

I feel like if you wanted to you could sit down and trace basically everything bonkers fëanor does beck to míriel’s suicide and the subsequent events and dynamics it creates after. And not in a “it’s all míriel’s fault for being so weak and not just toughing it out blah blah blah kinda way” but just that all of this was so damaging, scarring, mismanaged, poorly thought thru on all sides, and just massively impactful even outside of their house (like they made a LAW bc of it, it’s the FIRST TIME these events have ever occurred, some might not have even thought what míriel did was POSSIBLE — at least on an emotional level) that OF COURSE it effects all his actions and choices. You could probably look at things like the kinslaying and find some shadow of míriel’s effects on him there.

Like okay— lemme just do just that in a very odd the cuff manner, just off the dome. No matter what finwë might’ve said fëanor had likely lived his entire life with at least a small part of him believing he is Bad and Entirely Dangerous/Evil. It’s the child logic of “it hurt my mommy to have me, she didn’t want to live because of it. I must be bad to have hurt my mommy so bad. She must not have loved me enough or at all because she wanted to be dead, she didn’t want to raise me. She must have known I’d only hurt her more because I’m so bad. Maybe she hated me because I hurt her so much she felt she had to die”.

Like— unless the gateway is wrong or I’m worse at math and reading than I thought— she dies when he’s around a year old. So he never got to meet her. He only has the facts and whatever flavor people put on it when they talk about her/what happened. He only has the facts of it and no real knowledge of her as a person to help inform why this would happen and maybe help him understand her and find a smidge of peace or release from that self loathing. He only has the idealized stories his father tells him about her (and you know finwë’s stories of her are all soooo glowing bc he’s in his own grief too) which can make him both love her as this Concept of a Perfect Mother who’d Love Him Forever and also make him feel Worse bc He Killed Her/Made Her Want To Die.

It doesn’t matter that fëanor is an adult with kids when finwë remarries— it’s going to absolutely obliterate his precarious mental health. And his new stepmom and half-brothers are all like nice, charming, well liked good people. Fëanor is not. He’s respected and admired but not as universally well liked as his brothers, he’s absolutely a personality you gotta have a taste for. It just hammers in for him the idea that something IS wrong with him. He was Not Enough for his father of his mother. Finwë went off to have more sons and that’s Proof. And it just Spirals from there for years as fëanor’s issues never really get addressed and the relationships spur and strain.

By the time his father his murdered and his silmarils stolen he’s 1) obviously out of his gourd with grief and rage and 2) probably going to find it easier to be The Bad One. Sometimes it’s just easier to lean into thinking you’re bad or evil or cruel. It feels like owning what people put on you or putting on an armor. And he can also tell himself that he’s avenging his father as his true son and being the bravest and strongest of his brothers, doing all the things they’re too weak to do. He’s already Bad anyway so why not be Bad and use that Badness to mow through every obstacle between him and the REAL enemy everyone else is too weak and cowardly to deal with? They should’ve just given him the boats. It’s not his problem they were fools. Didn’t anyone tell them he’s just as adept at destroying as he is making?

Like— I feel like there’s holes in that example and malformed bits but it’s literally just what I came up with on the spot to kinda prove my point. Míriel’s death, the nature of it and the repercussions on her family and elf society are just bonkers. If you want to sit down, think about them and map them out you can find the shadow of them everywhere without having to really get into any bullshitting or reaching.

[fixated-on-something]

Ok I really really want to talk about s5 ep3 because of Alice’s part in it.

This might just be a bunch of rambling but I need need need to talk about this (I may delete it later lmao)

So I’ve been pretty blunt about this before, I do not like Alice. She’s not my type of character, and I just couldn’t grow to like her.

A lot of this is due to just, the way she treats other peoples issues? Just as some quick examples, and these are both in season 3 so I understand post Niffin relearning human emotion blah blah blah but-

She’s talking to Fen, who has just learned that her BABY DIED during childbirth, and is trying to grieve. While comforting Fen, she compares the experience of losing a child to her… not having as much knowledge about magic anymore? And understandably Alice post Niffin is struggling with that, but still a WILDLY insensitive thing to say in the moment

And also, when talking to Julia about her goddess powers, she says it doesn’t matter that the seed of power came from Reynard, her rapist, with zero consideration for how Julia might feel in that situation.

And as I said, these examples could both be attributed to her struggling with sympathy and empathy post Niffin, but this happens in season 1 too!!! After they use the emotion bottles for the first time, she says to Quentin that they should try battle magic without them, and he says that he’s sure she could, but for the rest of them this is the best they can do.

Which is true! Both in the books and show Alice is known to be more adept at magic than any of the rest of them. She cannot understand that the others simply can’t do the same things she can, and seems to judge them for it like they’re lazy or incompetent.

Time and time again she does things like this, refusing to show any sympathy for anyone’s circumstances and it is tiring. And then, Quentin dies.

And suddenly they’re all dealing with the same grief.

But even then, it seems like she feels that she’s more entitled to grieve, because they were romantically involved. Like that somehow means more than friendship.

And then we have the scene on the mountain, where Eliot blurts out that they were more than friends. And for the first time, she’s understanding. She doesn’t try to belittle their experience together, or act like hers somehow meant more. She just listens. She reassures Eliot even, that Quentin did love him, that she knows he did. That that didn’t take away from her.

Personally it was just so… refreshing? To see her act like this. To just actually be understanding. And god knows Eliot’s had a rough ride, so it was nice to see him not have things thrown back in his face for once.

I don’t know. I think the conversation is beautiful in general but moreover shows so much growth and character development from Alice in all these subtle little ways…

I hate s5 just as much as the next guy, but that scene is beautiful and I love it.

[nightcolorz]

i’m late but for the ask game: armand 6, 8, 25

YIPPIE!! Thank u sm for sending this, I’ve been pretty severely injured lately and I woke up feeling so shit and sad, so getting this notif absolutely made my day. Armand !!! He is my favorite character in anything ever. I have literally never been so insane about a guy before. U picked some great questions so I’m super excited about this.

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

I identify strongly with Armand for a lot of weird little reasons. I think the root of it is transgender and autism stuff if I’m honest 😭 Im going to try not to get tooo personal 👍👍 but I will let’s be honest, I will get personal. I can relate to being fetishized and characterized for my sort of androgynous/pretty/boyish appearance while I feel like how I look doesn’t truly reflect who I am as a person. I definitely get the struggle of being demeaned and treated like a child bcus of the juvenile ish appearance transitioning can give you. I also can relate to being demeaned and treated like a child because of my social awkwardness (due to autism) that causes many ppl to assume I’m unintelligent or immature, need to be treated gently or talked to slowly, etc. I see these parts of myself reflected in Armand ofc in different more vampiric ways, and having a character who is infantilized and talked down to while also fetishized and sexually exploited for a perceived innocence that isn’t reflective of who he really is at all, a guy who is also very strange and awkward and doesn’t act right, who is also simultaneously very bad ass (imo lmao) in his shamelessness and his overtly violent and freak of nature attitude, is weirdly very validating and empowering for me, lmao. He is like the weak shameful parts of myself if the weak shameful parts of myself had teeth. 👍👍👍 Yeah 😁😁😁😁 Armand 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

lmfaooo, I’m so happy u picked this one bcus I love complaining and being a hater 😍 I am sorry in advance if I say anything that ruffles any bodies feathers, just bcus I don’t like these things ppl do doesn’t mean I don’t like the ppl who do them, y’all do u I’m not stopping u. Anyways.

I don’t enjoy how a handful of amc exclusive fans characterize Armand, because you can tell they rlly only understand him based on Wikipedia reads and his brief appearance in the show so far, which results in this sort of glaring simplification of his character in fan content. This wouldn’t rlly bother me if not for how prevalent it is 😭 like it’s genuinely difficult for me to find interesting and in character fanfic about Armand bcus so much of it is uniformed. The amc fandom sort of dominates the tvc fandom, it’s just so big. I don’t like when Armand is reduced to Louis’s new scary hot boyfriend/Lestat replacement/potential villain. It feels like he’s often perceived through this lens of a role in the story, like “hm this guy seems like a potential villain”, “no I think he’s a new love interest”, which is a conversation I find no appeal in at all considering you can’t fit the Armand I love into any of these narrative boxes. This isn’t rlly smth I have personal beef with bcus there’s no harm in fans of the show characterizing armand based on there limited knowledge while they wait for the next season, but for me it’s a pet peeve you know, as someone who rlly rlly likes armand a lot 😭.

(This is the exception to my no hate to u if u do this disclaimer btw, all the hate to u). on the subject of amc fans, I also often see this hostility towards fans of book Armand, where I’ll see amc fans talking about how perverse he is conceptually in the books and how gross ppl who like him are, which REALLY makes me very mad, because ok. Listen. Show armand is not a character yet, any and all things you enjoy about armand as of now as someone who hasn’t read the books are 1. How he looks. And 2. Things from the books that you apply to him in a new context. Assad’s performance, the people working on the show, the writers, everything that you base your enjoyment of armand in, is from the books 😭 But god forbid someone enjoy the source material over the hypothetical character who barely exists yet? God forbid someone do the same thing u do (take smth arguably morally dubious and interpret it in a way that u find interesting and compelling while acknowledging the morally dubious source material) just not in the context of an adaption. Ok. God forbid I enjoy and identify with an adult character trapped in the body of a child who is misperceived for his youth and sexually abused, it’s not like this is the same concept of beloved amc Claudia anyway. It’s also not like I am capable of enjoying something while criticizing it and disliking it’s flaws, and coming to conclusions based on critical thinking and analysis of concepts that may have been executed poorly, that I still admire and enjoy, bcus I am capable of complex thinking, and I don’t need to blindly enjoy every part of smth and perceive it as flawless to enjoy it. We all know that’s fake ! Anyways sorry for the angry rant 😭😭😭 moving on.

On a separate note, I also sometimes have beef with how fellow book armand fans portray him. This is small and sort of petty but it bothers me when Armand is drawn as like, very small and skinny. Maybe it’s bcus I head canon him as chubby and sort of cherub-built, maybe it’s bcus in TVA armand describes himself as strong in build and “not waif-ish”, but either or it does feel sort of wrong and off putting when I see Armand drawn as like, so small and petite that it’s emphasized. To me this reads as a missing of the point, if you will. An emphasis on physical qualities representative of innocence and youth that aren’t reflective of Armand’s character, only rlly how some other characters see him. I can often tell when an Armand fan enjoys him for the superficial qualities (eternally young, angelic looking, etc) over who he is, and it always encourages me to steer clear. I hope I’m making sense lol. This is also sometime present in fic but it’s more subtle and difficult to describe. Anyways

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

I was thinking about this yesterday! I was first introduced to Armand when I was maybe 11 or 12, my dad put on 94 interview with the vampire for me and my twin sister while he did work around the house etc. he started watching it with us (he loves 94 iwtv) but by the time Armand showed up at the half way point he got up and started doing other things, so my sister and I were alone in front of the screen. For some reason lost to time my sister and I were very excited about seeing Antonio Banderas, maybe because we knew him from Zorro, so in the aftermath of the buffoon scene with Santiago that we found really funny, when Antonio Banderas appeared on screen we were hyped tf up. We were so enthralled in the moment of his cunty ass entrance we started cheering and clapping and screaming 😭 I think shrieking ARMANNNDDD!!!! At the screen (with no knowledge of who armand even was) Till I started laughing to tears is in my top ten formative moments. My first viewing of iwtv was just like that 😭 there was smth in the water that had my sister and I loosing our fucking minds with excitement over that movie. Anyways, I only immersed myself into the fandom and got rlly into tvc just last year, when I read interview with the vampire (smth that’s always been in the back of my mind since my first viewing, I really did love that movie) and then the rest of tvc. When I was reading interview with the vampire I had that subconscious excitement over Armand’s half way point appearance brewing from the get go (every time my sister and I have watched iwtv together since we were 12 we’ve done the same screaming at the screen ritual for armand) so when I was re introduced to him I was instantly attached to him. I very quickly discovered how much I was enthralled by this guy, like by his first appearance and description it went from a weird little nostalgic affection to a “omfg I feel many inexplicably strong feelings for this guy”. He was just so magnetic and weird, I was intrigued by every thing about him, like Louis lol. I started drawing him a bunch b4 I’d even finished the first book, and by the time I was introduced to him in tvl he was my favorite character. Tvl really solidified my armand obsession, and queen of the damned made me the person I am today 😭 insane. I think my impression of him now should be obvious at this point 😔 he is my silliest guy every morning I wake up and he is the first thought in my mind I cry about him daily I worship him like he’s my god sometimes I see a blender and I am so overwhelmed with emotion I want to scream if a professional looked into my brain and saw all the armand in there they’d diagnose me with super mega autism. I like him a lot. 🫶

Thank you sm for sending this ask once again! I’m sorry it’s so long lol, hope my responses were interesting. This is the ask game in question for anyone who may potentially want to send me more asks: https://www.tumblr.com/nightcolorz/734243514562510848?source=share I would cry with joy if so.

[almostyours]

[   +1   ]    july  03,  2015,    COMMUNITYBESTIE  has  posted  a  new  video!

“     [   …   ]    because  what  was  the  purpose  of  DITTO  hosting  that  fuck  ass  survival  show  and  making  them  go  against  each  other  and  those  boys  for  absolutely nothing?  they  were  promised  to  debut  in  2013  and  don’t  even  bring  ELEVEN  to  the  conversation  because  they  didn’t  even  have  a  name  when  DITTO  released  that  single  album.   don’t  piss  me  off!    [   ...   ] ”

disclaimer:    some cursing,   me and communitybestie struggling with english,   communitybestie telling you a little bit about the girls and former member nari post ditto’s stardom and pre-mighty devil,    a trainer being a little weird, and me pretending some songs were released before 2013  ^____^

Helloooooooooooooooooooo! Oh! 3 million subscribers, crazy!

I know, I know! It’s been a while since the last time I’ve talked to you guys! I hope you’ve missed me just as much as I’ve missed you. Full transparency here, I’ve just been busy, very busy actually. You know, your girl got a new job not too long ago— I’m booked and busy… unlike our girls DS2013! And that’s… crazy to think about, no? Those girls spent like, what, five or six years? Training for… nothing.

And that’s why I’m coming in here strong because we need to start talking about them or else you will forget them and as long as I am alive and have internet access, I will never let that happen.

To those who don’t know, DS2013 is… or was, who even knows at this point, a girl group formed through DITTO’s reality competition show DITTO’S AVENUE: STARDOM back in 2013. This show, basically, aimed to create and debut the agency’s next global group, boy or girl group, once twenty of their trainees at their trainee program AVENUE 101 had reached rank 101, aka the you go girl you are giving us everything! You are five steps closer to debut!

This show was interesting to watch because, yeah, it had boys and girls going against each other to the point of elimination—boys and girls that were trained by one of the best trainee programs in South Korea, by the way— but it was also a big opening for us to be introduced to said trainees, because I personally adored the task and game sections the most, along with the contestants' comment sections of them complaining or making jokes or just showing off their personalities because all of those contestants were funny as hell… And those voting phases were brutal, yeah, but I am sure we all liked seeing our faves up there in the polls, no?

I feel like the show’s name is enough to make an oldie perk up because the iconic boy group REM was formed through there—and I thank DITTO for that, not going to lie here. I’m pretty sure my iPod is tired of me listening to LOVE SCENARIO over and over and over—so, of course, it was a buzz when DITTO announced the new season of the show because that only meant that ten boys and ten girls had the potential to debut in a group as big as REM. However, I think it was more of a buzz because of the trainees, per se… because, despite the company’s refusal to share tidbits of their trainees aside from some fuck ass microwaved quality videos of them, everyone was scrambling to know more about the most interesting era from the trainee program… the AVENUE 101’s 2008 to 2013 era, because no era had dance prodigies, former child actors, powerhouse vocalists at the mere age of ten, personally scouted by the CEO ballerinas, former Japanese idols, and more interesting individuals in their eras!

[ BESTIE TAKES A DEEP BREATH ]

And now this is where I grow agitated because, for those who don’t know, the last remaining four girls, NARI, KAIA, POPPY, and YVAN, currently… and probably will forever be… known as PROJECT DS2013, as said in their single album’s name, their two music videos, and when DITTO finds it in themselves to mention them, went head-on against the last remaining four boys and won the competition fair and square. And of course they did, they did amazing on their final performance, hello? Also, let's take a moment to remember all of their oh-so iconic cover performances, such as PICKY PICKY, LIKE OOH-AAH, THE BOYS, THAT ONE 2NE1’S MEDLEY, FAVORITE, and my personal favorite, MR. CHU? Pheeeeeew. And, yeah, some were mad, some were not, but no one could ever deny it— those girls were it and DITTO, quite literally, hit the jackpot with them the same way they did when they formed REM.

So here comes the question: where are they? It’s 2015.

[ BESTIE TAKES A SLOW, BUT DEEP BREATH, AS IF THEY WERE “CALMING” THEMSELVES ]

What happened to them? Because what was the purpose of DITTO hosting that fuck ass survival show and making them go against each other and those boys for absolutely nothing? They were promised to debut in 2013 and don’t even bring ELEVEN into the conversation because they didn’t even have a real name when DITTO released that single. Don’t piss me off!

[ BESTIE SHAKES THEIR HEAD ]

I know, I know. NARI was announced as an actress under DITTO’s acting subsidiary this year, POPPY is somewhere getting her studies done, and KAIA was credited as a songwriter for VERY VERY VERY and some other songs last year— and where in the world is YVAN?

[ BESTIE SIGHS OUT LOUD, VISIBLY DISAPPOINTED ]

I just fully believe that it’s a crime to have a group of girls as good as them in the dungeons… because there’s no way any of us could easily forget KAIA— like, that’s pop sensation KAIA, for god’s sake! An AKB48 darling at ten years old, perhaps one of the few idols who have ever debuted so young in said group, and I am pretty sure she was a voice actress, too? Or was that just a rumor...? Anyway, she was one of the few trainees who actually enjoyed being there— I mean, with that kind of charisma and level of experience from her projects when she was younger, who wouldn’t enjoy a silly competition? …And yeah, she is also the one who made the famous TELL ME mistake that I still see everyone sharing around. And that’s crazy because… remember how hard she came swinging when she was appointed to do the LION’s rap line? That was insane, and I am sure all of us were surprised that she had… well, it in her. KAIA, I know you are not watching this, but don’t take it personally! You literally threw us away when you came back stronger than ever when you were showered with criticisms. I liked watching her growth because she was a good performer, but she got even better during the show. It was very interesting and beautiful to watch, along with watching her literally falling in love with writing and composing.

And she was rank #3, a pretty good rank to be among top-notch contestants, right under POPPY who I fully believe that at some point she was everyone’s favorite, if not she still is the favorite— because I don't know about all of you, but she is mine's! That’s why I am, like, yeah, upset that Ms. Lover Girl isn’t in the idol domain aside from her being the producer of some songs for REM— listen to TENDER LOVE, by the way—, but at least I have her... producer stuff to look up to, I guess...

POPPY was the most mysterious trainee out of everyone. A professional ballerina personally scouted by the CEO of DITTO… like, when has that ever happened? I remember Korean blogs going crazy during the time she joined the program because, who is this girl? Why was she personally scouted? Did she really leave Paris Opera Ballet to join the program?! And it didn’t help that she was a very private person career-wise and that DITTO was, in lack of better words, keeping her out of sight from us. And that’s why STARDOM was a godsend to me, because I thought she was really cool.

[ BESTIE SIGHS OUT LOUD AGAIN, FOLLOWED BY A LAUGH ]

And super talented, too— because that’s a performer, baby! You know, now that I’m thinking about it, maybe her appeal was the whole, it might look like i'm not taking this very seriously, but I am that successfully drew me and others to her.

There’s also the fact of her— just rumors, by the way!— having a relationship with one of the other trainees but [ BESTIE COUGHS AGAINST THEIR FIST ] we are not talking about that!

What will always make me laugh about POPPY other than the hundred compilations of her looking back at the camera every time something happened was how well-liked her U-GO-GIRL solo performance was despite how bad she didn’t want to do it and her loving her HEART ATTACK performance so bad she was visibly flabbergasted when the judges criticized her cover because she was “too mature” to perform a silly, "childish" the song. And her bursting into tears singing BEAUTIFUL, too… not saying that it made me laugh, it’s just that, why did she cry? And let’s not forget about her voice, either! Because I am sure I am not the only one who didn’t think her tone was pretty. If she isn’t the future main dancer of DS2013, she better be the main vocalist or something, but with a powerhouse vocalist like YVAN in the same line up? Yeah… maybe the lead vocalist that could easily be the main vocalist. Yeah.

But talking about YVAN… when I said where was she? You know, I actually hope she’s getting her studies done! Didn’t they celebrate her 14th birthday during the show? And that would make her, what? 16 now? I hope that that’s the reason why she dropped off of earth, but someone with a voice like hers shouldn’t be stuck in the dungeons and now I am pissed off again. I know I said that POPPY grew to become a netizen's favorite, but YVAN was the favorite from the start, even before the show was even a thing because she was known as a participant in some chinese televised talent shows and didn’t she go viral with her Halo cover once? 

And, it’s been years since the voting rank has been over, but I always thought her ranking #4 at the end of the show was a little   [ BESTIE HUMS SKEPTICALLY ]   …odd considering YVAN used to always be at #1, especially after her solo cover KISS LATER, which I fully believe was the performance that skyrocketed her popularity because of how cute and how well she performed it to the point of everyone calling it YVAN’s song to this day… I know I shouldn’t dwell into it, but it’s still… [ BESTIE GETS CLOSER TO THE CAMERA WITH A RAISED EYEBROW, BUT QUICKLY GETS BACK IN POSITION ]

Anyway! YVAN was one of the favorites not only because of how well she sang or how well she performed or how good she was at making her fellow contestants and us laugh, but because she had and still has the title as the fastest trainee to reach the highest rank at the trainee program. From what I remember, it took NARI six years to reach said rank. It took YVAN only three years—crazy, no?

Now you see why I’m a bit mad that they are keeping her in the dungeons? Again, if she’s at school, that’s fine because I wouldn’t like a teenager to get thrown into the idol life this quickly, but, spare at least a singing cover, YVAN? I’m not begging, I swear.

Talking about NARI, our #1 queen…  [ BESTIE TAKES A MOMENT TO CONSIDER THEIR WORDS ]  …look, don’t take my silence seriously, NARI was born to be a star and that’s something we’ve known the second she was accepted into the program. She was a child actress before deciding to dwell into the idol life, as well as a model to some known brands in South Korea and some other gigs I don’t remember, so it wasn’t a surprise when she decided to join one of the most prestigious companies because she was born to be under the spotlight. She has the talent, the beauty, and literally everything else.

It’s just that… the amount of evil editing done with her makes me think. And to think there’s no way for us to see said evil editing compilations when there are a few around of the other trainees? Makes you think!

Not saying that she was evil or anything, I know editors tend to do that to cause some tension and make trainees or mentors look bad or whatever, like I am pretty much aware of this because both KAIA and POPPY suffered from the show’s evil editing more than twice, but NARI’s attitude, especially towards other female trainees, was rather… odd! Like that one time she raised an eyebrow when YVAN was getting praised for being the stage stealer on their FEEL MY RHYTHM performance, or when she made a face when one of their mentors put KAIA in the center instead of her. And look, I like when girls are a little mean, especially when they are as funny and charismatic as NARI, but, yeah…

[ BESTIE DECIDES TO TAKE A LONG SIP FROM THEIR DRINK ]

I think NARI is the one we’ve heard the most from DS2013. She left her old acting agency to join DITTO’s instead, she became the face of Converse Korea, she’s active on social media, and we’ve seen her filming for her role in TEMPTED, a drama that I am really excited to watch, by the way, but I am back to the same question: where is the music?

[ BESTIE MAKES A SOUND OF FRUSTRATION, SHAKING THEIR HEAD ]

Guys, maybe I shouldn’t have talked about them because now I am even more upset that we don’t have any news from them.   [ BESTIE RAISES THEIR DRINK UP TO THE CAMERA ]  So this is for us hopeful dszens that believe that we will be receiving news about the girls soon!  [ BESTIE TAKES A VERY LONG SIP ]

And look, I know this isn't anyone's fault but DITTO's for wasting their time and talent, but it's... just so disheartening to watch. Now I wonder how the girls are feeling... Speaking of DITTO, I know that one trainer who wanted them to perform MINISKIRT is not part of the company anymore, but… that was so damn weird for a survival show that mostly consisted of young trainees, like, I'm surprised they kept that in, you know? And I'm so glad NARI and KAIA straight up refused to even entertain them when the song was brought up, especially with POPPY speaking over the trainer’s explanation, reminding them that YVAN was just fourteen. I think that’s when I realized I really liked them four, YVAN included of course, who looked very excited when they performed PITAPAT instead. And just like NARI jokingly said before these silly girls forced them to change the song… maybe in the future they can perform it.

I am curious, what was your favorite performance on the show? Who’s your favorite member and why is it YVAN? What song do you like better, ELEVEN or AFTER LIKE? I used to love ELEVEN because that was the original song and the performance that made them win the show, but AFTER LIKE   [ BESTIE SHOWS THEIR IPOD SHOWING SAID SONG ON PAUSE ]   has me on a chokehold. Please tell me all your thoughts in the comments and it was so nice to finally chat with you guys! Hopefully, I will come back with DS2013 news next time I come back to greet you, but now it’s time to go because, as I said, I’m booked and busy… unlike others, so it is time for me to say my goodbyes.

[ BESTIE STARTS BLOWING KISSES TO THE CAMERA ] Bye bye! Love you! Stay hydrated and continue being everyone’s besties!

RECENT COMMENTS

arc09:    disappointed that you didn’t talk more about kaia ): you could have at least mentioned the other songs she wrote for other groups

arthurtone:    DESERVED!!!! THE BOY’S CLASS SHOULD HAVE WON INSTEAD!!!!! ⤷  019928:   nd ur boys are still in the dungeons 😝 ⤷  arthurtone:   nd ur girls? 😝 ⤷  019928:   😔

liamia:    pretty sure poppy graduated from sopa last year after passing her qualification exam ⤷  callmeari:    and from what i’ve heard yvan will be graduating next year ⤷  oznapitsme:    what if ditto is waiting for yvan to graduate

callazozo:    after like it’s just too good, i wish they would have performed it at least once ):

yvansolo:    YVAN SOLO WHEN ⤷  sweetpeandme: she hasnt even debuted in a group 😭

cassiopeia:   no one can fool me, nari’s goal was to go solo ⤷  lawloutloud:   and she might get it with the way she’s moving unlike the others ⤷  notabestie:   and she will. her auntie is a manager in a ditto subsidiary ⤷  communitybestie:   HUH??????????

rementhusiast:   what happened to the guy that had something going on with poppy ⤷   019928:   shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[pies-writes-and-more]

haikyuu boys as expecting fathers

characters: TimeSkip!Tsukishima Kei, Bokuto Kōtarō, & Ushijima Wakatoshi, all with a Fem!Pregnant!Reader

warnings: pregnant reader and mentions of having a baby so pls be mindful if this makes you dysphoric or if you’re not in a good headspace for it. But otherwise, it’s all fluff so I hope it makes you guys smile!

a/n: everyone around me irl is having babies so here is the result of that LOL i love cute stories about expecting families and shit. All of these are obviously with TimeSkip! characters! And none of the following gifs are mine so credits to the original creators! Hope you guys like it :) 

haikyuu masterlist

Tsukishima loves to tease the shit out of you, and that hasn’t really changed since you started getting bigger. But now, he’ll hide your cravings in the top shelves of the pantry so you have to make him come get it. He can’t help it, it’s that angry pouty look in your eyes - he’s so in love with you, even when you look like you’re about to murder him.

But despite him hiding everything you could possibly crave, he is an absolute sweetheart. He calls his mom every now and then to update her about you and the baby, probably asks about what she liked when she was pregnant. She tells him stories about liking to read to him and his brother, or how she enjoyed a nice bath if she was particularly sore that day. She even joked that she found it really hard to put her shoes on so typically she just wore slippers or easy to slip on shoes.

Cut to the next day, you wake up to Tsukishima reading a book of dinosaur facts to your belly. He’s not so much reading it as he is disputing and/or explaining further the facts that are written in it. He doesn’t notice you wake up while he waves away the book and states, “It’s fine. When you’re here, I’ll just bring you to my museum and I’ll show you in person. I can sneak you out of daycare, just don’t tell your mom.”

You had hoped to be able to keep your independence for longer than this, but found yourself struggling to properly put on your shoes. You huffed, muttering something to your unborn kid about how you’d hold this over their heads forever, and just waddled about with the backs of your shoes folded under your heel. Tsukishima raised an eyebrow as he noticed, waiting for you to sit down in the car before holding the door open and bending down to properly put your shoes on.

“Kei, what’re you doing?” You laughed, watching him swiftly tie up your laces. “They’re fine, they’re old shoes anyways.”

“If you wear your shoes like that, you’ll fall and hurt yourself,” he shrugged. “I can’t have you hurting the little Tsukishima just because you can’t put your shoes on.”

His expression was the same plain emotionless face as usual, but you smiled anyways because here he was, kneeling in front of you and helping you with what is supposed to be a simple task.

The day went on as usual, but you definitely weren’t prepared for your husband to call you into the bathroom and display the little bath he had drawn you with your favourite candle lit.

“Did you do something?” You asked him with narrow eyes, making him scoff.

He rolled his eyes, helping you out of your clothes gently, “Am I really such a bad husband that you think I’d have to be feeling guilty to be nice to you?”

You thought about it for a moment before nodding playfully, “Yup. So what did you do?” You laugh and he just flicks your forehead before helping you into the tub.

You watch as he smirks a bit, holding your chin for a second and watching your eyes, “Well I’m the reason you got knocked up so I supposed I have to take care of you don’t I?”

He doesn’t hold that sultry teasing look on his face for too long, especially when you splash him with water, drenching every part of him you could reach 😂.

Bokuto is in a PANIC the closer you get to the due date. You once just felt a bit tired after vacuuming and the boy thought you holding your front meant you were going into early labour.

“I’VE GOT THE CAR KEYS BUT I CAN’T FIND MY WALLET!!! BABE HAVE YOU SEEN NY WALLET? I CAN’T REMEMBER WHERE I PUT IT. OMG WHAT IF THEY WONT TAKE US IN. WHAT IF THERE ARE SO MANY BABIES BEING BORN WE CANT GET IN. I KNEW I SHOULD’VE TAKEN A CLASS ON BIRTHING BABIES!”

You let him run around because he honestly is so entertaining to watch while panicking. He pouts about it later, talking shit about you to your belly, “Your mom’s a big meanie. You need to be born quick so we can team up on her okay?”

“Kōtarō! Don’t you dare try to turn my baby against me!” You laughed, swatting at his head.

Man is overly prepared for any sort of situation. He already set up all the safety baby measures, like corner cushions and outlet covers, though now he’s considering locking up all the knives into a cupboard.

“Kōtarō... how am are supposed to cook like this?” You asked, raising an eyebrow at the lack of your sharp cooking knives.. and the butter knives.

The grown man just poured some more, “I gotta keep both my babies safe alright? I’ll cut everything for you so you don’t cut yourself.”

Except for the fact that Bokuto is definitely more accident prone than you are and has a few bandaids on his fingers now.

As an expecting dad, Bokuto found himself getting more and more teary eyed at any situation that involved a family or a baby. Whether that was just seeing kids and families play in the park that the two of you walked past sometimes, or seeing a commercial for diapers with happy bouncy babies, you would turn to see a misty-eyed Bokuto who would then turn to you and wrap you in a tight squeeze.

He was beyond excited at this point to meet your little baby - he wanted to know what they would look like. The perfect mix between the most perfect woman in the world and him, who was pretty cool thank you very much. This baby was going to be the cutest most amazing kid ever, who would definitely play a really great game of volleyball, Bokuto was sure of it.

Let’s be honest though, pregnancy is not an easy journey. Bokuto loved seeing you grow the baby but he knew that it was a difficult process for you. You were always sore and at the beginning you were always sick. And there were some days where you literally didn’t feel attractive or beautiful at all, but Bokuto would praise you as high as he always did regardless.

“You are the most perfect lady I have ever laid eyes on. The most gorgeous being to ever walk this universe!” He told you one day, pressing kisses all over your face as you laid across a couch.

“Thanks,” you tried to give him a smile - you always appreciated his compliments, even if you didn’t necessarily agree.

“What’s wrong?” He asked you with a small frown, noting your forced smile.

“I just… feel bleh. Not at all like how you’re saying I look,” you admitted with a small smile.

Bokuto’s eyes grew wide in shock, jumping over the couch to sit down on the floor next to you. He clasped your hands in his, pressing kissing to them gently as well. “I know you might not feel it… but I hope you know that I still think it. I don’t even have to force it. You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met, and that hasn’t changed even though your body is changing a bit. I don’t need you to wear the most perfect makeup or the best dress for me to think you’re gorgeous. You’re perfect just laying here in my old sweats and I’m happy that I get to come home to see you like this every day,” he grinned, touching your cheek affectionately.

You loved this man. He was so sweet to you in every way possible. But sometimes…. sometimes his sweetness just went a little too overboard. You tried to insist to him that you were pregnant but that didn’t mean you couldn’t do anything. Man refuses to let you do anything for yourself. No lifting boxes, no lifting anything in fear that you might hurt your back.

“Kōtarō, it’s just my purse,” you tried to point out in a laugh, trying to reach it as he held it above your head.

“Nope! Not happening. What if you hurt yourself?”

“... with my purse?”

“Ya!”

“Kōtarō, I have to go shopping for food or we won’t have anything to eat. And baby needs to eat!”

“Well I’ll come with you then!”

“You’ve got practice!”

“It’s fine, I’ll tell them I’ll practice another time! My perfect wife and baby come first,” he’d grin at you and insist on opening all the doors as you two made your way to the car. You fall in love with this man more and more every day, even if he keeps stealing things from your hands.

Ushijima is a really nervous new dad, even if you can’t really tell from his stoic expression. He listens intently to all of the parenting advice people give, bought a few books about newborns, and has hundreds of tabs on his laptop of ranging topics from baby products people insist are necessary, mommy blogs about what is important to do when pregnant, and research that he doesn’t quite understand but feels is important nonetheless.

Ushijima isn’t necessarily a man of words all the time, so you were surprised to find that he started to talk a lot more after finding out that your child could hear him.

“You don’t have to play volleyball if you don’t want to,” he told them quietly one day while the two of you were on the couch. It came so out of the blue that you actually thought he was talking to you.

“Hm?”

“... do you think they’d want to play volleyball?” He asked you sheepishly, glancing at you with a shy expression.

You thought about it for a moment and slowly started to smile, “Well they’ll be attending every single one of your games so I’m sure they’ll be at least interested in learning!”

Ushijima nodded and you watched as a soft smile graced his face. You kept your eyes on him for just a moment longer, seeing a flicker of uncertainty on him.

“Wakatoshi, don’t you dare think for one second you’ll be a bad dad,” you warned him, poking his side and making him jump from surprised.

He stared at you for a moment, blinking, “You know what I’m thinking?”

“I know that you’ve been worried about being a good dad ever since I told you I was pregnant. I know that you’re nervous about being the kind of dad you always wanted to have growing up. I know because I’m terrified of being a good mom too,” you admitted with a nervous sort of smile, interlacing your fingers together. “We’ll be okay together though.”

Ushijima nodded and hummed softly, “We’ll have to take them to France.”

“France??”

“Satori wants to meet them too. He said he would make them chocolate.”

It wouldn’t just be the baby that Satori is constantly trying to spoil, but you as well. He sends over packages of his chocolate for you to try, grinning ear to ear when you call him for a catch-up call.

“Do you like them?” Tendō asked, and you could hear him humming to himself as he moved around a kitchen.

“I love them! But you’re going to make us fat if you keep sending them! They’re much too yummy for me to stop eating!” You laughed, eyes wandering to the kitchen where you knew you still had a few bits of his chocolate left.

“No no no no. I’m just trying to make sure your baby is a cute healthy plump baby! They’ll grow nice and strong!”

It always made you smile, knowing that all these people who loved your husband wanted to love you and the baby as well. Even Ushijima’s new teammates would come by and bring snacks or anything they thought might aid you in your pregnancy. Though, Kageyama wasn’t really sure what pregnant people or babies liked, so he just brought a whole bag of the milk boxes he liked.

“You’ve got to grow big and strong so that I can defeat you in volleyball one day. I can’t defeat your dad right now… cause he’s on my team. But I’ll defeat an Ushijima one day for sure,” he muttered to your belly with a fierce intensity in your eyes that made you laugh, making his ears turn red as he realized that you also heard him (Kageyama, the baby is attached to her, of course she heard you lol).

As it neared your due date, Ushijima prepared himself mentally every passing day. He wanted to be 110% ready so he went over your birthing plan mentally at least 10 times a day and reread over all the articles and information he had gathered over the months. He wanted to be the best father possible, but you insisted to him that you weren’t worried about this at all. After all, he was already the best husband you could ever have asked for.

haikyuu taglist (let me know if you’d like to join!)

@al0ehas @aurumk @neko-chii1 @thisnoodlewritesao3 @satan-ruler-of-hells @trashy-simp @jeppiet @tobi-momo @darkvadeeer @haikyuutothetop @livy384 @babyshoyo @jesssobs​ @b-bakana​

[luimagines]

Chain Love Language Headcanons

Masterlist

Self explanatory people!

This time I’ll dive a bit into what love languages the chain will be most inclined to exhibit to their loved ones.

First ones are the ones I personally headcanon and the second are the second result of taking this quiz in their stead.

Let’s go down the list!

Hyrule

I’ve talked about this already, multiple times actually, but oh well.

His biggest way to show his love for others is through Physical Touch.

Whether it’s a hand on the shoulder or an arm around you or hugs or hand holding- you name it- he’ll do it.

The next biggest thing would probably be Quality Time.

He doesn’t have a lot of friends and he has low enough confidence to almost expect to be brushed aside and forgotten- sometimes he tries to let it happen on purpose. 

So take the time to listen to him and include him on things and be close to him.

He appreciates it when someone takes the time to pay attention to him and wants to do something with him even if it’s as simple as checking out an old cave or what shined in the distance.

Be his travel buddy, yeah?

Twilight

Twilights would be Acts of Service.

He likes to feel helpful and useful and knows that there’s a lot that he’s capable of doing so he might as well be the one to do it.

He doesn’t want the people he cares about to work too hard or struggle so he offers his assistance whenever he can. (Watch for this, he can be prone to double book himself and take on more than he can chew).

The next biggest thing would probably be Quality Time.

It’s special for him when he can be with someone he cares about and do something or nothing and just exist next to each other.

He like to listen to people when they talk about things and when they listen to him in return just because they want to- even if neither of you know or care about wat the other person is talking about.

Or even if you get to do something together, anything.

Fishing, horse back riding, strolling through Kakariko Village, hiking- just spend time with him.

Four

Four’s love language would be Acts of Service as well.

He’s a man who always has to have his hands moving. He’s always doing something- he always has to be productive- he has to always be making something.

So he’s quick to put himself to work so that the people he cares about don’t have much to worry about. His brain works too fast for him to keep up with some stuff and he naturally shoulders a lot of work anyway. And if someone helps him out with a project he was struggling with of with the chores around the house that he wasn’t to attend to?

Well he’s bound to repay you tenfold.

He doesn’t make the rules just abides by them.

The next biggest thing would probably be Gift Giving/Receiving.

If this boy receives gifts of any kind he’s going to treasure them forever.

It’s going to go on display (if it can).

and since he’s always on the move with his projects, he’s going to constantly be making things for his friends and loved ones. Small things, big things, things they need to work with or repairing their tools and so on- or just getting them new ones all together- you name it.

Legend

Legend’s love language I think would fit best under Quality Time.

He doesn’t have a lot of friends, he doesn’t have a lot of family.

His whole life has been making connections and losing them either through circumstance or through the passage of time- his life has been nothing but goodbyes.

He cherishes the moments he gets to spend with the people he cares about.

Please spend time with him.

His second would probably be Words of Affirmation.

Similarly with the first one, he’s used to being on a deadline, a set amount of time he can spend with a person and he’s tired of getting to the end and looking back and wishing he could have said something different and or told them something else.

He’s quiet when he tells others that he cares about them- he’s got a large pride that keep him from screaming from the rooftops, but he appreciates it when he’s told that people care about him.

He gets in his head that he’s not good enough, that people don’t care and he’s going to be on his own time and time again.

Please tell him you love him and care about him.

He doesn’t have any one to tell him that they’re proud of him.

If he says that he cares about you, he means it.

Wild

Wild’s love language would probably be Words of Affirmation.

A lot of people write him as being the quietest of the group but hear me out.

He still communicates and he’s loves so much, and he’s not going to be silenced anymore in what he thinks either through sign or his voice.

He’ll tell others he loves then, cares about them, that he’d do anything for them and he’d tell them often.

It means more to him if others tell him something of equal of greater value.

He didn’t get to hear a lot of praise and acceptance growing up and even less so when he joined the guard. It was always things he was expected to do and he had to do it without complaint.

Let him know you care.

His second love language would probably be Quality Time.

He’s spent a lot of time on his adventure alone.

And he wants to share the so much of the world he got to experience with the people he cares about. 

He’s lost a lot of people close to him as well and he doesn’t want to take anyone else’s time on earth for granted. It once seemed like they would be around him forever, but now?

He wants to do everything and see everything and he wants to show you as well.

Even if it’s a simply as horseback riding together or just chilling out as it rains- or he goes to catch frogs in the river, he just wants to spend time with the people he cares about, he happens to have a lot of it now so he wants to put it to good use.

Time

Time’s love language would be Receiving/Giving Gifts.

He didn’t get a lot of things for himself as a child and the things that were given to him were of high importance.

It was ingrained in him to cherish and protect the things given to him with his life if need be. He’s more appreciative of the little things though when people give him a small gift that reminded them of him.

Smaller gifts over one large is more his speed.

He doesn’t need much to be happy but he likes giving things to others as a way of showing his love and hoping that they’ll cherish them as much as he cherishes the things he receives.

His second love language would probably be Acts of Service.

He’s always felt the need to be useful and there’s little that he can do.

Besides his time and energy is another way to give someone a gift right?

Even if it’s not the physical sense where he would have close to nothing to actually give you, he might as well give his strength and body and power to those he loves, to protect them, to make sure they’re safe and warm and never needing anything- so that they’re never without.

Don’t let him over work himself because he will.

Warrior

Warrior’s love language would be Act of Service.

He has a weird relationship with it though.

Because it’s always with underlying feeling of still not being enough- there’s more for him to do, everyone is relying on him and he can’t fail his loved ones so he has to give it his all in everything.

He doesn’t even realize he’s doing it more than have the time so you’re going to have to tell him to calm down. He just everyone he loves to be safe and happy and healthy and it ends up running him ragged half the time.

That being said, his second love language is Words of Affirmation.

Because he’s working so hard for the people he loves, he would rather hear that they’re proud of him and that they love him. 

He’s quick to sprout pet names and sweet nothings to his lover and he wants them to know that he cares about them so this guy doesn’t shut up about his love ever.

He’d leave a note for them to find their work place to let them know that he cares about them.

And he tells them daily. 

He’s quick to tell people how much he appreciates them and how important they are to him.

He knows it keeps people going and he never wants to see his loved ones give up.

Wind

Wind’s love language would be Physical Touch.

He’s always hugging someone or holding onto their arms or their hands, it’s just how he like to be close to people.

His sister tends to grab onto his hand at random intervals so he’s used to it and even grows into doing it to other people.

It’s how he shows that he feels safe with people and how he wants to keep those he cares about within reach in case he ever needs to protect them.

His second love language would be Quality Time.

There’s not a whole of people out on the sea and he’s spend a good portion of his adventures traveling alone and even then, it’s just him, his grandma and his sister.

With everyone going out to do their own thing, it’s hard to find someone who will take the time to do things with him so he appreciate any and every bit of attention he can get from other people.

Sky

Sky’s love language would be Receiving/Giving Gifts.

People on Skyloft are not shy about showing affection for one another.

Handholding and hugs and just telling people you’re important to them are all common place.

It’s not a big deal.

But Sky like to go the extra step beyond to give the people he cares about a small token of his love, so that even when he’s not around to say it, or show it, it’s a little reminder that he cares about them.

And yes, this implies he’d little love notes around for his love to find just because he wants to.

His second love language would be Quality Time.

He just likes being around people and it’s the time when he can tell and show people that he care about them.

It’s the time where he can say he cares and hug the people he cares about- they don’t even have to be doing anything- for all they could be doing is going flying together as the sun sets- he lives for the little moments.

Definitely the kind of guy to be up in the kitchen at 3 am, slow dancing with his lover as they take a break from making cookies.

[engie-ivy]

Remus is the uptight, swotty Prefect who's always getting the popular and beloved troublemakers Black and Potter in detention. Remus doesn't care what people say of him, and he absolutely doesn't care about Black's blinding smile.

A Book By Its Cover

Remus pulls his jumper closer around himself against the draught in the large, empty halls. The corridor is dimly lit and he hears nothing but the sound of his own footsteps. Everything is quiet. Too quite.

A loud clang suddenly sounds from behind one of the tapestries. Remus almost smiles to himself. Bingo. In a swift motion, he pulls away the tapestry.

Startled, Black whirls around. He’s surrounded by what appear to be paint cans and rope. His shock only last a moment, though.

“Lupin!” He exclaims, a beaming smile appearing on his face. “What a pleasant surprise!”

Remus crosses his arms over his chest. He makes an effort to keep a firm expression on his face, to show he’s not affected by Black’s notorious, blinding smile, like everyone else is. “Only pleasant if you like detention. And as for a surprise, I am a Prefect. I am supposed to be here making my rounds. So what are you doing here?”

“Preparing a prank,” Black says simply.

Remus doesn’t know whether he should be insulted Black doesn’t seem to take his authority very seriously, or glad that he doesn’t insult his intelligence by coming up with an excuse.

“Right,” Remus says, before taking out his notebook and pen. “Out of bed after curfew and engaging in illegal activity,” he scribbles down. “And where’s Potter?”

“Aw, am I not enough for you, Lupin?” Black pouts.

“I figured you could use some company in detention,” Remus replies smoothly.

Black clicks his tongue. “So thoughtful.”

“If you’re here setting up some prank, then it’s a given Potter is setting up that prank somewhere else in the school as well. So, where is he?”

Black shakes his head. “For you’re own good, Lupin, you don’t wanna put James in detention right now. People won’t be too pleased with you if the school’s football star misses the upcoming match against Slytherin thanks to you.”

“So thoughtful,” Remus repeats Black’s words, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “But please, don’t concern yourself over me. I’ve never cared what others think of me, and I don’t plan on starting now. And you basically just admitted Potter is currently doing something that would warrant me giving him detention, so you might as well tell me where he is.”

Black sighs. “This is why people call you uptight.”

Remus’ expression hardens. “If people care so much, they should be mad at Potter for risking the football match in the first place by playing some stupid prank.”

Black gasps dramatically and clutches his chest. “Stupid? Our pranks are not stupid! They’re works of art! Jumping out of a cake on miss McGonagall’s birthday? Hilarious! Making a zip line to go from one floor to the other? Brilliant! Filling the gym with stray cats, many of whom were eventually adopted? Genius! People love our pranks. They make people laugh and bring some excitement in their lives. Much needed excitement, because let’s face it, school is boring. Sitting there, listening to old people tell you things you already know.”

“For you maybe,” Remus mutters.

Black scoffs. “Don’t pretend you’re not one of the smartest people in our class, Lupin.”

Remus just glares harder at Black, to show that no, he doesn’t care that Sirius Black, whom people are always falling over themselves for to get even a bit of his attention, has apparently noticed Remus’ academic achievements. No, he doesn’t care at all.

“Even the teachers love our pranks,” Black continues. “They put some life into this place!”

“We’ll see what miss McGonagall has to say about it when I report you tomorrow,” Remus says calmly. “I’ll go finish my rounds, and when I get back, you better have cleaned up this mess.”

As he turns around to leave, Black suddenly grabs his wrist. “Join us!”

“Wha...” Remus turns back, and his traitorous stomach flutters at how close Black is suddenly standing.

“Join us for one prank,” Black says.

Remus blinks at him. “Why in earth would I do that?”

“Because it’s fun! And honestly, Lupin, to me you always look like you can use a bit of fun.”

That catches Remus off guard. It’s true. Between struggling to get top marks, doing everything he can for extra credit, making sure he has a spotless record, excelling at his Prefect duties, and worrying about his sick mother, lately he often feels like just throwing his hands in the air and say ‘screw it all!’, and just do something crazy, something dumb or irresponsible. But he definitely never wanted for Black to notice that.

“Come on, Lupin,” Black says, as Remus stays silent. “Be part of the fun for once, instead of putting a damper on it.”

“Your childish pranks aren’t my idea of fun,” Remus bites back, feeling himself getting defensive.

Black just grins. “You won’t know that unless you join us for just one prank!”

“Why would you even want me to join you?” Many people would be lining up to be a part of one of Black and Potter’s infamous pranks. It’s beyond Remus why Black would ask that one stuffy guy who puts them in detention almost every week.

“Because I like you,” Black shrugs. “I like how hard you work for everything and how you don’t care what anyone thinks of you. And I think you secretly have a talent for it,” he adds with a wink, that absolutely does not make Remus’ knees go weak. “I bet you have a wicked side to you underneath all that swotty stuff.”

“But I’m a Prefect!” Remus argues. “I’m supposed to discipline rule-breakers, not break them myself!”

Black rolls his eyes. “You shouldn’t take that job so serious.”

This rubs Remus the wrong way. “Not everyone can afford to treat everything in life as a joke,” he says coolly.

Black folds his arms over his chest and stares. “A fancy title and a badge and suddenly you’re better than us?”

“It’s nothing like that!”

Black huffs. “Then why is that bogus job so important to you?”

“Because some of us can’t afford to have even one note on their record if they ever want to get anywhere in life!” Remus snaps. “Because some of us need perfect scores and every bit of extra credit they can get if they want universities not to immediately bin their applications! Because some of us don’t have a last name they can flaunt, a daddy who can make a phone call, a mommy who can throw some money around, and suddenly you’re top of the list! Because some of us can’t just look at their rich parents and rely on them to always give them everything they want!”

The change in Black is instant. He takes a step back, and instead of his usual easy smile and bright eyes sparkling with mischief, his face becomes an ice-cold mask. “Fuck you, Lupin,” he hisses. “You don’t know a thing about me.”

He pushes past Remus as he storms off, leaving him behind feeling very confused. Maybe he shouldn’t have said that. Yes, the system is unfair and Black is privileged, but Remus supposes that isn’t really Black’s fault. He knows Black isn’t actually a bad person. His heart is in the right place, and he’s usually kind, only ever mean to people who, quite frankly, deserve it.

Remus just wishes Black would stop with those bloody pranks.

Remus just wishes Black would continue with those bloody pranks.

Or do anything really that makes him seem more like his old self. Remus never thought he’d miss that loud, barking laugh, that infuriating smirk, those lame puns so much.

Ever since everyone returned from Christmas break, Black has completely withdrawn. He hardly talks to anyone, he just sits silently, his eyes staring off in the distance and his expression blank. Potter is always by his side, softly talking to him or just throwing him worried glances.

Since then, it has been the talk of the school, and even in the papers and on the news: Sirius Black has been removed from his parents’ custody. It was a messy affair, the police has even been involved. Black’s father was arrested on grounds of child abuse. Apparently, Orion Black, the noble and well-respected patriarch of the prestigious Black family, has a habit of beating his son. It must’ve been going on for a while, but over the break it escalated. People just can’t get over how Sirius Black’s life wasn’t as perfect as it always seemed to be.

Remus feels bad for Black, and especially feels like an idiot, having said the things he said. He knows he owes Black an apology. It has been a couple of weeks since the break ended, and the apology is beginning to be long overdue. Though he also knows that Black has probably not been waiting for an apology from the uptight twat that always gets him detention.

Maybe it’s more to ease his own consciousness that he hesitantly approaches the table where Black is sitting. Potter glares at him the moment he sees him, and half gets out of his seat, probably to tell him to piss off, and rightfully so. However, after a quick glance at Black’s face, who’s looking up at Remus, he sits back down, as if he sees something on his friend’s face that makes him chance his mind.

“Bla- Sirius,” Remus says, realising a tad late that Sirius might nor want to be reminded of his family name right now. “I’m sorry,” he blurts out. “I said some shitty things to you, and I shouldn’t have. You were right, I didn’t know anything about you.”

“It’s okay,” Sirius says softly. “You had good reason to be angry, it’s a rather fucked up system. And you didn’t know. Didn’t know that I would’ve gladly given up all that privilege to just have parents who... who love me...”

Sirius’ voice falters and he trails off. Potter is staring at him wide-eyed, and also Remus is surprised. He knows Sirius hasn’t talked about it to anyone, and he feels almost guilty he’s saying it to him of all people. He’s also surprised at the overwhelming urge he has to pull Sirius into a hug, hold him and tell him they never deserved him anyway. He has to leave before he does anything stupid.

“I should go,” Remus says quickly. “If there’s ever anything I can do...”

As he turns around to leave, Black suddenly grabs his wrist. “Join us!”

Remus turns back to look at him.

“Join us for one prank.”

“Why would you want me to join you?” Remus asks, much like the first time.

“Because I like you,” Sirius replies, much like the first time, only where he had then sounded nonchalant and slightly amused, he now sounds pleading and vulnerable.

“Yeah,” Remus says hoarsely, because his Prefect duties suddenly don’t seem so important compared to helping Sirius come back to his old self. “Yeah, I’ll join you for one prank.”

And then the most amazing thing happens: for the first time in weeks, Sirius Black smiles. It’s only a small smile, but the room already seems a bit brighter. In a moment of vivid clarity, Remus knows that there’s nothing he wouldn’t do to make that boy smile.

[tokaritoo]

hello! i’ve always liked when artists break down all the little details in their artworks so i thought i’d make a “mini” info post about my most recent work: “meeting in york new city”.

as probably evident, this is my yearly art for the hxh sept 1 anniversary. i will admit, compared to last year’s, i was worried this one would come across as a bit more plain and simple, but i tried to make up with the overwhelming amount of meaning i put behind essentially each thing

regardless, i hope you enjoy this ramble/ planning, and that maybe you can see the piece in a new way

_________________

sitting poses (specifically leg area)

- leorio man spreading, rather self explanatory, it just perfectly captures his energy

- kurapika has a straight back, legs crossed, a very refined pose. almost stiff, a picture perfect act

- gon is sort of curled up on bench/ criss cross. Very child like

- killua is also in a rather childish pose, except more loose

- note: killua is sort of taking over leorio’s space. sort of reflects how he messes with him, but also how, in my mind, he should depend on leorio. new big brother and what not

rest of pose

- leorio is looking at everyone (side glancing them). He has always been the one keeping an eye on the idiots. also slightly hunched over, he is struggling to fit on the bench

- kurapika has the most isolated and distant pose, the only one who’s pose doesnt result in him interacting with the others. They are consumed by their book, looking at that alone. He is physically present, but is mentally somewhere else. Acts as parallels of his current relationships. They still want to be there for them, but they dont do anything to show it. They are distracted and withdrawn, focused on their task

- gon and killua: Child-like interacting pose. killua is leaning into gon’s space (he has always been drawn to gon and focused on him). Gon is there for killua, but still more focused on his book. He differs from kurapika because he lets killua be with him, considers him, but at times he still is self centered

- note: gon and kurapika’s poses slightly mirror each other (how they hold their book). They have always been parallels to one another

- Likewise, killua and leorio (at least facial wise) reflect one another. Although not as evident, in the series, there are similarities between the two

Books

They are all reading books, all the books hold a level of significance (i.e parallels their goal/ story)

- leorio is reading a newspaper. He listens and focuses on the human world problems, like capitalism, poverty, illness.

- kurapika is reading Hamlet. A classic revenge tale (self explanatory). The fact the book ends in death reflects how the path of vengeance is ultimately a path of self destruction

- Gon is reading Batman and Robin (thank you to aniquinade for the suggestion). It is a comic to reflect his childish nature. The tale talks about a boy who admires his father, ultimately finding other role models on his journey.

- Killua has no book, similar to the fact he had no mission in the show. He looks at what Gon has since for a long time Gon’s mission was Killua’s mission

Street signs

Being located in the city, they will have street signs behind them, the ones nearest to each character will have a symbolic meaning

- “Road divides ahead sign” between gon and killua to show how they will eventually split

- “Sharp turns ahead” for kurapika (also gon), a life that drastically changes in an instance

- Downwards safe sign pointing to leorio (he is reliable, he is safe, the path you can follow)

- Kurapika stop sign. Red like blood. Stop like his heart. (Thanks miialona for that one)

- Leorio has a pededtrain crossing sign, he is just a guy)

- Leorio hospital (self explanatory

- “Temporary detour” for gon as many instances of his quest caused him to explore and do unexpected things

- “Follow detour signs” for killua. Slightly different to gon’s as he is following the side adventures Gon takes

- “No u turn” for gon as he cant go back after the effects of the Chimera Ant Arc

- Killua has “yield right of way” as he gives the right of way to gon in most circumstances

- Bumpy road ahead (trouble is coming)

- Handicap sign for Gon, a foreshadowing of the many injuries and near death experiences he faces

- Airport sign for kurapika, he is departing

- “Road overflowing ahead” for both kurapika and leorio. Shows their upcoming adventures on the blackwhale, and the likely sinking of the ship

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Mon 7 June ‘21

Liam’s podcast with Steve Bartlett is out and while I still don’t care about that guy I’ll give him this-- he does great at getting out of the way and letting Liam talk. And boy does Liam talk! Liam says A LOT and let’s all just pause to send him some big hugs before we get into right? And then look to the future- Liam’s routine is to say ‘things have been terrible but it’s fine, it’s fine NOW’, always, even when that is absolutely obviously not true, and today is no different but for once I actually believe some of his hopeful bits too which is so great! I hope things really are shifting for him and I can’t wait to hear this new song of his. But there’s a lot that’s hard to hear too, oh Liam. He said that he and Maya have broken up (so yes, presumably why he just moved again such a short time after they moved into their haunted house), talked about his struggles with his alcoholism (and said he’s been sober for a month right now, go babe!), shared the usual distressing stories about his time in the band and what that was like for him (and how it still impacts him), and he talked about his new song and how it feels different for him than his past solo music. Truly though there is SO MUCH more than I can get into here or then you can get from the UA highlights- I HIGHLY recommend actually watching at least parts of the video, also because the attempt to summarize so much erases all the charm and humor, of which there is much. If you don’t think you want to watch Liam’s interviews, it has to be because you aren’t watching Liam’s interviews, they’re delightful! Plus really if you care about 1D and want information about what it was like for any of them, listen to Liam, he’s the one who’s out there talking about it.

About Maya he said, that yes, he is now single, and “I’ve just been not been very good at relationships,” and “I’m a proper perfectionist… at the start of the relationship you put out this complete false character like I might as well go in in costume, I’m like putting out something that is not there... kind of like encompassing someone else’s life with your crap rather than just doing your thing and laying out your store from day one. That’s my biggest problem is that I feel like I don’t lay out my store... and then I’m annoyed when they don’t like what I like,” and “I think my problem is I struggle to be on my own sometimes... I dive in and out of relationships too quickly. I’ve not spent enough time on my own to relearn about myself.”

He laughs about his tendency to ask his manager things during interviews; “My fans think that Steve is doing something to me, they’re like liberty for Liam because he always looks to Steve, but that’s because I like him. It’s not because he’s harming me as a person. There’s like a hashtag Liberty for Liam because they think I’m some like prison child,” and he also said “my manager’s my best friend,” (and he’s said in the past he is a big support for him) and mentioned stuff they’d talked about recently around his therapeutic awakenings.

He talked about therapy being something you have to want to do and be ready to do rather than being pushed into, like getting sober, and says that this time around with his own therapy work he’s really felt that and thrown himself into it and he talked a lot about his relationship to therapy in connection with band days. “I mean one of our old managers went to therapy from being a manager of One Direction. So if you can imagine how that feels like the rest of us definitely need some.”

“We were young,” he said, “What I found was I didn’t know I was the boss until like a few months ago, I still don’t even feel like I am now, like I’m such a child. And everyone I work with now is older than me and wiser than me and I’m like what the hell am I doing here with these people. When we were 17 I thought the security guard was like in charge of me so I was like Can we leave the room? No? Oh ok then,” and “when we were in the band, the best way to secure us was just lock us in our rooms. And of course what’s in the room? Minibar. So at a certain point, I thought Well I’m gonna have a party for one and that just seemed to carry on throughout many years of my life... You know I spoke to somebody about this in child development as a teen, the one thing you need is freedom to make choices. That we could do anything we wanted it seemed from the outside but we were always locked in a room at night and then it would be car, hotel room, stage, sing, locked. So it’s like they pulled the dust cloth off, let us out for a minute, but then it’s back underneath again,” and “the day the band ended I was like thank the lord for that. And I know a lot of people are going to be mad with me for saying that, but I needed it to stop. It would kill me.” Anyway, he said, because it wouldn’t be Liam without an upbeat coda, “I don’t want any of this to get lost in translation. I’m not 100% moaning about my life... it’s had its ups and its downs, but I would rather talk about it and it’s therapeutic for me.”

And what about that exciting new song? Liam said, “We have a really cool song in the pipeline... one of the first ones I’ve actually written myself- with some other people, I didn’t write it by myself, but it’s the first one I’ve really liked. And I think I got so used used carting around other peoples songs and not embedding myself creatively in what I do because I was so scared to find out who I was,” and “I don’t really know how I would tour again. I really want to” [on discord today he said he would be touring next year] “I always said throughout my solo career I’d let my song book speak to me. And I don’t think my song book spoke to me to get off my ass. I only became a solo artist because I had Strip That Down. I wasn’t gonna do it, I was gonna leave it alone. I was like, I survived it once thank you very much- but I’m back in now. Because the song, I knew it was right. It felt right with that song, I hadn’t had that. This year, the song we have I feel really really great about. So I’d rather let the music do the talking than me come out and force it. We don’t need any more useless music in the world, it needs to mean something,” and he mentioned the new song on the discord a lot too, most notably picking out a long comment that thanked him for making the fan feel supported and safe and for “putting your heart in everything you do” and for his support of the LGBTQ community to respond to with, “I think you will really like the new song.”

A few other random bits, he said that he thinks there should be a system to make therapy available to musicians in the industry, “I think I’m definitely gonna get a dog because I need routine,” and “I recently started jujitsu,” yeah you and everyone else huh, so do him and Louis and Oli go to the same gym or ???, and he acknowledged that as an addict he may have just transferred that to working out “but there’s a lot worse things to be addicted to then looking after yourself” hmm but he does seem to say that he’s doing better around body image stuff; he talks about having put on weight during lockdown and seeing himself in the BAFTAS performance- “I saw myself... and I was like ‘oh my god I’ve completely let myself go in this’. And it was fine...I feel so much more secure in myself now.” Oh and that he’s written a comedic movie script “based around AA” and his experiences there, such as how “I had a really weird AA experience the first time that I went. My first experience was with Russell Brand.” LMAO yes! Cannot wait, bring on auteur Liam please! Anyway as if ALL THAT wasn’t enough he’s also dove into the lead up to his NFT release; he said “I'm almost ready to share my NFTs with you guys... Who wants to see them?” and posted a tiny preview that tells us its (their?) title for the first time- Lonely Bug.

Niall and Anne Marie perform on Jimmy Fallon tonight, and the hype is already a go! I guess it’s prerecorded, as we’re already seeing pictures from it; they’re singing to each other with the cute car from the video in the background. Niall signed on to a letter to Boris Johnson asking for changes to music streaming revenue rules and signed by 232 artists (including all the artists Johnson recently named as his favorites, haha). Zayn signed on to a Billboard petition to the US senate calling for gun safety laws. The bar Zayn got into the fight in front of posted “Zayn's a regular at Amsterdam Billiards and he is a true gentleman. On Thursday night he was confronted by an inebriated passer-by outside on the street and was called a homophobic slur. We support Zayn & condemn homophobia in the strongest terms!” And also PS omg again because it just isn’t going away: Harry’s beauty company is called Pleased As, his name is Harry Edward Styles so yes when listed last name first, as legal documents do, it spells SHE but it is not a “feminist abbreviation” (WHAT? even??) nor the name of the business.

[runwithwolvcs]

You Know I'm No Good - four

First Day

Warnings: mentions of drugs and alcohol, mentions of sex

[photo of Tallulah and Lina]

don't call me kid, don't call me baby, look at this godforsaken mess that you made me

Tallulah was the first one awake in the morning, the sunrise just peeking through her blinds as she laid in bed on her side, staring at the wall. She struggled to get back to sleep and tossed and turned, feeling an uncomfortable pit in her stomach that she decided had something to do with it being her first day at La Push Tribal School.

Starting a new school in the second semester of her senior year did not bother her as much as it should have, what concerned her more was that she was walking into a school that never gets new students, let alone mid semester. All eyes were going to be on her, and she was sure that some of them had already conjured up their own preconceived notions of her. Oh the joys of small town gossip, she thought to herself as she climbed out of bed, grabbing her clothes for the day. She told herself that making friends was not a must here, because as soon as she graduates she will be back in Seattle with her old, real friends, living the life that she wants to live. She could let herself be picky, or else she’ll end up with a Josie, who seems trustworthy on the outside, but isn’t in the end. Tallulah rolled her eyes at the thought itself, if that's how she wants to be then so be it.

Tallulah quickly changed into her black tank and oversized flannel shirt, before pulling on her jeans, she tried to tame her hair without ruining her natural waves into a frizzy mess. She wasn't one for much makeup, especially not for school considering the frequent rain on pacific northwest.

Rushing downstairs to the kitchen, the uncomfortable pit curbing her appetite, Tallulah settled on just coffee, as she poured it into her mug she had grabbed from the cupboard, she heard footsteps entering the kitchen. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw Lenna out of the corner of her eye, all dolled up as if she were going to Paris Fashion Week.

“I heard about what Josie did.” Lenna stated as she searched through the fridge, “you’ll get used to it.” This made Tallulah scoff audibly, “get used to being thrown under the bus for doing absolutely nothing wrong beside talking to some guy I’ve never even met before yesterday?” she asked sarcastically, turning to face her younger sister, mug in hand. “No, well, yes. It just means she did something she doesn’t want to get in trouble for, so she throws gasoline on someone else's fire to make it seem bigger than the one she started.” She keeps her eye on the tall, raven-haired girl as she closes the door, “She means well Tally.” I bet, she thought to herself. Maybe this is what sisters do, and she's the one that's being unreasonable. To be fair, she's never had to deal with someone snitching right in front of her face to her mother. At least she had the guts to do it at the dinner table.

She watched as Lenna looked over her outfit, making a face that Tallulah couldn’t quite comprehend, “is there something wrong with my outfit?” she asked, eyebrows raised in challenge. Lenna shook her head, “Nope, not at all. Between that, the tattoos and the nicotine addiction, I’d say you’ll fit right in with a few groups at school. I can point them out if you’d like, I heard dad tossed your vape maybe you can snag one today.” Tallulah shook her head before taking a sip of her cooling coffee, “I can make my own friends, and I’m not addicted” she fought the urge to roll her eyes again as their dad walked into the kitchen, clearly dressed for work. “Tally, Lenny, ready for school? Dakota picked up your sister already this morning, something about a project that's not finished yet” the short laugh that came from Lenna did not go unnoticed by Tallulah, but she said nothing, nodding her head at her fathers question. “I have to go to a tribal meeting tonight with Kira, so it’s going to be pizza for dinner, Lenny can pick it up on her way home from work, right Len?” he asked as he filled his to-go mug with coffee, even though he really wasn't asking, “Tal,” he said, looking directly at his eldest daughter, “I know this has been a big change in just a few days, but you’re doing great kid, but let's keep those rules in mind when making friends today,” clearly referring to something she has no clue about. “So, you mean I can’t skip school and sneak Paul through my window while you’re gone?” she joked half heartedly. She had no intention of ever speaking to him today, but seeing the looks on Lenna and their dad's face was probably the best start to her day she was going to get. She finished off her coffee and placed her mug in the sink, grabbing her book bag from the counter and heading to the front door, yelling ‘kidding!’ over her shoulder as she left, while her dad yelled ‘have fun!’ right back at her.

Tallulah drove in silence to the school, following the directions Josie had shown her during their day out, for once wanting to be early. She wanted to scope out all her classrooms beforehand to minimize the amount of interaction she would have to have with anyone in order to just keep her head down and float by as unnoticed as she could.

As she pulled into the small parking lot there were very few students and teachers mulling around. The school itself was small, only two stories, with a few portables that were quite run down. Nothing like her old school of 5000 students, every hallway crowded and parking lot full every day.

Tallulah parked her car and pulled out her phone from her pocket, checking the few messages she had, despite it only being 8 in the morning. One message was from her mom, wishing her well on her first day, telling her she had shipped the rest of her personal belongings that she may want or need and that she loved her. Tallulah rolled her eyes, she loved her so much she didn’t want to deal with her anymore. She checked some more of her messages and replied to those that warranted them only stopping as the incoming call notification lit up her screen.

A photo of Lina, her best friend, and her graced the screen, she quickly hit accept before placing the phone to her ear, breathing out a quickie ‘hello’. The two haven’t been able to have a conversation in days to discuss the tragedy that had unfolded the night her mom caught her sneaking into her bedroom, the dramatic gasp on the other line made her smile, “You picked up!” Lina all but shouted excitedly, before saying to someone else ‘told you she would’, clearly she wasn’t alone. “Of course I did, Li. Just because I've been shipped off to the middle of nowhere doesn’t mean I dropped out of school.” she said looking at the tiny building, that more students were now filing into. “Besides, I always answer your calls.” she stated, which made Lina laugh into the phone, “Right, right. Well I was just calling to see how you were, Kits here too.” she said and she could hear Kit bid a hello in the background, “and we wanted to invite you to this party that's happening at some club in Port Angeles next Friday. We figured it would give you some time to ask your dad if you can come or plan an escape. He can’t keep you from us forever.” she rambled, clearly excited.

She knew what club she was talking about, they had been planning on going once they had all turned 18. As exciting as it sounded, she knew her dad would never go for it, and sneaking out to Port Angeles and back would be next to impossible. “I don’t know about that, Li, but I'll try. I’m sure I could convince him to let you guys come out here if he doesn’t budge?” she asked absentmindedly, hoping she’d take the bait. Tallulah listened as Lina talked to someone away from the speaker before hearing the phone be passed to someone new, she furrowed her brows at the silence before the new speaker breathed out, “Luie.”

Xander.

The only person on planet earth who was allowed to call her ‘Luie’. The nickname started with him and ended with him. She hated the nickname when he had first started using it, he would say it in such a condescending way. Like he was reprimanding a child, but it grew on her as her relationship with him developed. They had never dated, but everyone assumed they were with how touchy-feely they were with each other. But, they both hated commitment, saying that it was the root of all sadness, and they had enough of that in their life already. As if that stopped them from hurting each other anyways. Xander was all of her firsts, first friend, first kiss, first time drinking alcohol with him, first cigarette, first time sneaking out, and first hookup. It's why she always went back to him after a fight, no matter how bad it was, all her good memories are tied to him.

“Hey, Xan” she said softly, “Are you coming to Port Angeles for the party?” he asked in a nonchalant tone, knowing she could never say no to him. “I want to..” she started, “But no promises. My dads a lot stricter compared to my mom.” Tallulah heard him grunt in acknowledgment. He wasn’t going to beg, or plead her to come like Kit or Lina would, he knew he didn’t have to. “Well, let us know, ya?” he stated, voices in the background signaled that they were most likely getting ready to take the train to school, like she would be in normal circumstances. “Oh, and Luie, have a don’t do anything I wouldn’t do on your first day.” she could practically hear the grin that she knew he had before the line went dead, he wasn’t much for formal goodbyes.

Sighing, she shoved her phone in her pocket before exiting her car, grabbing her bag off of the passenger seat and slinging it over her shoulder. She made sure to lock the car before placing her keys in her bag and grabbing her timetable as she walked towards the entrance of the school. She was too busy trying to figure out what classroom she needed to head to first that she wasn’t paying any attention to any of her surroundings. Hence why she walked head on into someone, dropping the white sheet of paper in the process. Hot hands steadying her by the arms. It felt as if she had walked straight into a brick wall, she would’ve laughed it off if it wasn’t the root of all her problems so far in La Push.

“Are you stalking me?” she asked the older man, everywhere she went, there he was. Paul shook his head with a chuckle, causing the teen to glare up at him. “Well aren’t you a little too old to be hanging around a high school?” she questioned, arms crossing over her body as the heat from his hands had made her realize just how cold it was outside once they were off of her. “Relax, I was just dropping someone off.” he stated, his voice was deeper than it was the day before, like he had just woken up. She averted her eyes from him as she could feel the blush heat to her face at how silly she must have sounded. Of course that's why he's here. She hadn’t realized he had picked up her schedule for her until he read out a name from it, “First period: Miss. Young.You’ll like her, everyone does.” he said while handing her back the slip. She nodded her head, “right, well i should go find her class then.” she mumbled as she took a step back from him, he responded by giving her the directions to the class, which made her want to question how he knew that but Tallulah wasn’t sure if she wanted to know the answer, so instead, she thanked him and walked away heading towards the front doors, each step closer she filled more and more with dread, wanting to turn around and get in her car and drive away as far as she could.

She turned back to where she had left Paul standing to see him still there, only now he was talking on the phone. His whole demeanor had changed, he looked rigid and frustrated. Before she turned to completely walk through the doors, he caught her eye and gave her a small smile, the feeling of dread dissipating in that moment as she entered her new school.

[yournameyn]

Feeling Deeply: Chapter 3

Genre: Fluff so much fluff. Arranged Marriage Fic.

Pairing: Namjoon x OC

Summary: The story of two deeply feeling nerds who find themselves in an arranged marriage. Something neither of them really wanted but are now discovering just how much each needed. Away from their childhoods, their families & their homes, Namjoon & Brishti (the OC) are privileged immigrants who slowly build a home, a family & a true sense of self, together in 1960s London. Please note this is not the typical immigrant experience of that timespace and I’ve taken many-a-leap to write the fluuuufffiness I wanted to write.

A/N: It’s unabashed fluff. And eventual smut but I hope you’re okay with a really slow burn. Like, reaaaally slow. Both our characters are introverts & met as strangers so it’s going to take them a while to get the *ahem* fire going.

Big big big love to @sahmfanficbts, @mintjoonlep, @holdinbacksecrets, @sunshyngal, @xjoonchildx - who give me so much love and encouragement & whose straight up genius writing makes me swooooon!

Characters: Brishti is our OC. She’s a feminist, obviously. She’s Indian, wheatish in colour, curvy & slightly short. Brishti is bengali & her name means ‘Rain’. Her pet name is RimJhim which means the sound of rain. (Namjoon calls her Rim & she calls him Joon) This whole story is a tribute to Forever Rain.

The Namjoon in this fic is what I imagine he would have been had he not followed his dreams at the age of 13. Hopefully, I’m able to do justice to the idea as I write ahead.

Current Chapter: London, late 1963. Brishti & Namjoon meet her colleagues. They listen to the then-rising band The Beatles & take a strong liking to one particular track, if you know what I mean. Again, sorry to spoil but there’s no smut yet. I was not kidding when I said it’s a slooooow burn. Next chapter, it’s happening. There's not much conversation in this chapter, either. Is this almost 3k words of just CONTEXT to the actual smut or just a tease - you tell me!

Also, someone else we love is also introduced in this chapter!

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Previously in Feeling Deeply: Preface Chapter 1 Chapter 2

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Namjoon loved his weekends now. They were like a real couple, Brishti and him… setting the never ending “final touches” in their home, together. They went out to pubs and gardens, libraries and cafes together. And yet, to both their secret dismay, they hadn't moved ahead from that one hug they had shared. They'd played, instead, with words and been more and more intimate in their conversations.

Brishti introduced him to her colleagues - her group among the staff at the British Library. Working there was her pride & these folk were her joy. This was nerve-wracking for Namjoon because he knew how much she loved them. These were her people. Her true tribe. It was almost like he was meeting her parents. Instead of two indian elders (whom he had spoken to on the only international call she had made since their wedding), he found himself faced with a weird band of strangers. An English couple Harry & Kate who had adopted the library instead of a child, an elder woman from Japan, Sayuri-san - whose stories Brishti narrated to Namjoon all the time, a Korean guy (his age!) & Yana, a girl, Brishti’s age who was half English, half Iranian & completely in love with Sam, the black historian from America, as Brishti had reported. As they settled in for their picnic in Hyde Park, Namjoon tried his best to hide his shock when he found Sam was - one, a girl & two, as tall as him. He wondered which attribute threw him off more. Still, he was completely enjoying himself with Brishti’s Unlikely Gang of Weirdos that Will Save The World. That’s what she called them. Sayuri-san agreed - They were all groovy outcasts who had somehow clawed their way into the (apparently) cutthroat world mainstream librarians.

Brishti was glad to see Namjoon really hit it off with the only other Korean she knew, the guy who’d told her about the only place in London that sold black bean noodles, made the right way. Namjoon had almost cried when she had brought them over from work. The two of them spoke as if they had been thick as thieves for years. They talked about Korean poetry and the folk music they had to participate in their childhoods. They spoke about the music archive section of the library, which was heaven for Min Yoongi. The passion in Yoongi’s eyes when he spoke about maybe someday taking a class about world music appreciation was something Namjoon wished to have too, but wasn’t yet ready to admit.

As they were packing up their picnic, the conversation flowed to a new band in the country. Brishti spoke about how every young girl she had met recently just could not stop talking about how groovy The Beatles are. The elders in charge of the music archive brushed them off as a fad but she was insistent to bring it up every meeting - after all, it was teenage girls that had popularised & helped usher in the lyrical music of Vivaldi. Or of Lisztomania - that popularised the soft romantic tones of Liszt which formed the base of the modern love song. Namjoon loved to see her almost up in arms, struggling to find a better word for the admiration that girls had for music and musicians.

“It’s not hysteria… or fanaticism… it- it’s just love.” She had said. No one disagreed. In fact, everyone in her group was persuaded to (at least) give The Beatles a listen over the weekend.

And so, This evening, A Hard Day’s Night played as they arranged books & records at home. Brishti was arranging the books, apparently not having had enough of the task despite working as a full time librarian. Namjoon’s heart ached when he thought about how Brishti loved her job. Thankfully his mind never stayed on that thought for long. Namjoon wished he could pay attention to the song. These days, paying attention to anything but Brishti was almost impossible. The smallest movement in her, the smallest stir intrigued him.

Meanwhile, Brishti had been trying to figure out a way of getting him to touch her &… as silly as that sounded to her rational mind she couldn’t really come out and say it. Night after night when they’d stayed up talking about things or listening to music or just simply reading their respective books, on the floor or by the window with their legs sprawled out in front of each other, she wished he’d touch her… that somehow maybe he’d notice her feet. Strange as it was, she kept thinking about his hands, his fingers tracing the contour of her ankle while she didn’t turn one page of her book for almost an hour.

She understood the problem - both of them were so hyper-aware of each other while pretending not to be that an accident couldn’t really occur. Things had to be done & Brishti thought about how she shouldn’t let tradition dictate who makes the first move. She also kicked herself for not following tradition and stopping him from taking his pillow & blanket away to the couch on their wedding night they were supposed to sleep on the same bed. It made her heart race that she could sleep next to this Korean Greek God-like feminist man. Ufff. She was covered in tense knots everywhere and anytime she even thought of making a move, the fear in her would make her do something else - like unpack all the books into a makeshift bookcase.

They were facing in opposite directions in the same room and Brishti couldn’t help glancing back at Namjoon again and again. The broad expanse of his back made her long to hug him again. They hadn’t touched each other since she let go of the hug. It made her ache, the memory of him moving away from her. Next time they touch, she wouldn’t let go first - of this she was certain.

Brishti looked at him again & smiled, wondering how someone so tall could look so tiny & cute. Namjoon did look surprisingly tiny, poring over the vinyls & neatly arranging them. She smiled thinking about how he had spent some time wondering if the records should be kept chronologically or alphabetically.

Finally, he had announced, “Ofcourse! I have it! The category has to be mood! The...” Brishti loved the small pauses Namjoon took to find the perfect word. “The story of each album and the feeling it brings out!” The way he smiled, pleased with his decision created a flutter in her heart.

Looking at him poring over each song in each album trying to discern what the overall feeling of it was, she felt an unbearable urge to tease him, to disturb his cataloguing. She would go over and irritate him… probably tickle his waist or blow in his ears. Or maybe just nuzzle his neck. Brishti wondered if these things would actually irritate Namjoon or perhaps lead to something else... The thought made her blush so fiercely, she turned to face her pile of books. Brishti wished she could walk over, silently demand a space in Namjoon’s lap, he would throw out anything that crowded his lap & she would sit there, being cuddled, enveloped in him & talk about songs… if she could talk, at such a moment that is.

She needed to stop staring at him and yet, she couldn’t help but look... She was a warm-blooded woman after all. And Kim Namjoon was a particularly delicious man. It wasn’t so much that he was tall… plenty of men were tall. (She rolled her eyes thinking how most everyone was taller than her.) Unlike other men, though, Namjoon was not awkward or gangly. He had wide shoulders and a gorgeous neck. She had to actively keep her eyes focussed on something else when she could see the contours of his chest.

In that first week of them living together she wanted him. She felt the heat of being seen by those sharp beautiful eyes that held a deep fire in them. Brishti found herself thinking more and more about how his back looked, how it would feel to be cuddled up against that broad beautiful chest, how it would feel to touch him and to be touched by him. She blushed & laughed to herself when her spontaneous thought was that she’d like to “climb that tree” - whenever Namjoon stood up after being scrunched over his table, writing. That yearning awakened a much fiercer part of Brishti -

Why couldn’t she?! He was her husband. They have to come closer at some point, so what was she waiting for? Without a second thought, her body moved to get up & walk over to him. But as it had happened every time, her mind caught up to her at the very last minute. As Brishti walked over, bent, stretched out... for a pile of books close to him. She was close enough to touch him. And still, she just picked up the books & walked back. Thankfully for Brishti, she had a natural sort of nonchalance. Something Namjoon envied. Brishti did not know what this little stunt of hers did to him. Namjoon, with his fists balled, had to hold himself back in that moment. He had to stop himself from grabbing her; from pulling her into his lap and having his way with her.

The gentle thread-like tug he had felt when he’d first seen Brishti’s photos... it had become a magnetic pull now. Shocking and also somehow inevitable.

It had been more than a month of them living together and Namjoon was wrestling with something. An idea, apparently. It was as though an idea was caught in a vast net that he had laid out across the ocean of his mind. But he was having trouble fishing it out. He understood there was no point forcing it, that the idea, the thought would emerge when it, or when he was ready.

Taking his time, slowly, Namjoon was understanding how he had done the perfect thing for her, accidentally. He was confused too, when his instinct told him to let his bride sleep alone on their marital bed the first night they had moved in this flat. He had reasoned that it was the decent thing to do. Unknowingly, he gave her the time to explore, to own that space; Not crowding her with his body. Not invading her with expectations that, no matter how silent, would be blaringly evident. That was the right thing to do. Then.

Now things felt different. Now, it felt like she had made that space, this whole home hers. But then that’s where his thought-net felt stuck. The thought he wanted to fish out kept pulling at him, telling him she needed something else now. Like Brishti craved something else now. He wondered if she, like him, craved touch. Was that why her body instinctively moved, stretched, inched closer towards him these days. Was this why he’d found his shirt among the blanket instead of the laundry basket the other day?

Namjoon tried to shake off these thoughts again - they felt dangerous, explosive. What was happening? He looked back at his beautiful wife and saw her stretch her arms, then her abdomen, all the way till her hips and then bend forward to touch her toes. She mewled, very softly when she did that. Namjoon felt the familiar flip in his stomach again. This time, thankfully, the thought leapt up within reach too.

Namjoon suddenly understood just how feline Brishti is. Somehow, it was a key he needed. The idea surged through him & made him stand up. Because it wasn’t just an idea, it was an epiphany. Brishti looked at him, her eyes asking, saying, expecting something he didn’t understand fully.

The tingle that ran down his spine told him he was about to.

“You okay?” Brishti asked, concerned & embarrassed because the move she expected hadn’t come. But then again, it was probably too much to think Namjoon had stood up to carry her & throw her on their bed. Wasn’t it?

He was standing awkwardly in the middle of the room looking confused. Namjoon recovered & asked, “Coffee?”

Brishti smiled & nodded. Namjoon rushed to the kitchen. The catching of this thought excited him. Because after living with her for almost a month, he had just now realised it is this attribute - of being feline-ly feminine or femininely feline - that is what makes his body almost overpower any semblance of restraint his mind had imposed.

At first it seemed silly but soon Namjoon realised it isn’t. Not at all. It really clicked in place like the right key, the precise note does - he understood how to BE with her. Be there for the feline creature-like woman that Brishti was revealing herself to be: The way she walked, slowly almost moodily… letting her feet touch and caress each surface her feet felt. She would be walking across the room but would stop just to walk back and forth, softly, in a way that one can’t really call pacing at all. And everytime she touched something she liked, or saw or tasted something she loved, she made these small sounds that would make Namjoon’s heart melt. They were always half-way between a purr and a moan and they made him wonder what pleasure would make her sound like. Namjoon thought about how Brishti is graceful but her grace, like the curves of her beautiful body, aren’t timid; How, it’s a grace that announces itself... sometimes even before she walks in.

It isn’t the only thing that attracted him to her, not by a far cry. Namjoon thought about how he loves her mind, her words. But this felt, somehow, more… more visceral or... wanting to be. Could something formless long to be touched?; To become tangible, touchable? This feeling, in his chest and his gut. This feeling within him, it jumps, flips every time she walks by. These days it seems like Brishti walks by closer and closer each time she passes him. Like she needs to feel the texture of his skin the same way she needs to feel the slight drag of the rug on the soles of her feet. And it just adds more depth to this deep cavernous feeling within him. Instinctual whispers echoing within-

Why does it feel like he needs to touch a fragrance?

Like all he needs to do is reach out?

Like the moment he will reach out, an essence, an aroma will become an experience?

It felt like Brishti was calling out to him silently. That magnetic pull was stronger than ever and it was pulling him, drawing him to her, telling him to reach out, so she can find her way to him. That feeling, the way he was being pulled… that was feline. Like she needed him to reach out so she could make him hers too. And then, then it happened. The first four notes of ‘And I love her’ played and pulled him to her.

In that moment, in their 7th week together, as Brishti was tracing the lines of Namjoon’s back, gawking at him, thinking about this man - this gorgeous, curious, wonderful man - as her husband… a thought so fantastical it would make her squirm in her seat. Just as she was recovering from the thought, releasing the tension in her shoulders. The knots he didn’t know he caused, Namjoon kept the cups of coffee aside and extended his hand.

‘I give her all my love, that’s all I do…” To him, the instant she did it again, - the stretching her arms all the way up. The little moan she made every time she did that, the way her back arched and highlighted all her curves… it drove him, his body, his instinct to reach out.

“And if you saw my love, you’d love her too.”

The stomach flipped, again. This time, though, his instinct acted before his mind knew what he was supposed to do. Thankfully, his mind caught up -

He had just reached out. Reached out for her to claim him. But to one who didn’t know everything that had been going on inside both their hearts, it would look like he was inviting her to dance. Brishti looked at his hand and then at his eyes and suddenly Namjoon understood the reason for this magnetic pull... these lyrics is what she was saying all along -

“A love like ours could never die, as long as I have you near me...”

She took his hand & left no distance between them. Brishti realised there was music playing in the room only after she took Namjoon’s hand. Before this, she could only hear her own heartbeat, sharpened to an intensity never before experienced. Sharpened to a glint in a way that only love can. Love… and unmistakable, undeniable lust. Her heart had been beating with so much longing it had clouded everything else.

Now, in this moment, with his heart so close to hers, she could finally hear the music. This is what she had needed. This is what her heart had been pining for. And she knew. Without the shadow of a doubt she knew... he had heard her.

Brishti moved to the simple guitar strings that were tugging them both. The melody deepened each time the same four notes played. And each time they rooted deeper in the soil of her heart, she moved him too. His hands on her waist, caressing her curves everytime the four notes played. And they played over and over again… Namjoon followed the lyrics and sang along with his beautiful deep dark chocolate voice in her ears, saying -

“And I love her...”,

And his strong arms around her. How could she… Brishti, even if her name didn’t mean the rain, how could she have resisted pouring?

“Bright are the stars that shine, dark is the sky, I know this love of mine will never die...”

This evening was the first time they’d really touched each other. Stood so close to each other. Moved together.

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Oooooh god you read it?! Thank you so much! Please let me know what you think! Get into my messages about it! I would love to hear what you felt about this!

This is the song that's mentioned here in case anyone is curious.

[sixofpomegranates]

Rain in California - Act 1 - California

🥀Mini Series “Rain in California” Act 1 - Part 1 - California🥀

✨My Main Masterlist✨ | 18+ | AO3 | Wattpad

🥀Soundtrack🥀 | ✨Aestethic Trailer✨ |  🥀Masterlist🥀 | Words: 9.4k

A/N: The music used in this story is not owned by me (obviously) & I used it in the same style that 'Rock of ages' and 'Mamma Mia' used songs. I gave them a different meaning and context. The meaning and context are NOT representing the one that the ORIGINAL ARTIST had.

TW: ANGST, mention of loss/death/addiction/sobriety/murder, suicidal thoughts/tendencies, depression, addiction, substance abuse, drugs, alcohol, ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP, stalking, death by overdose, mentions of OD, passive aggressiveness, arguing,

Songs in this Chapter: La di die – Nessa Berrett Going to Hell | My Medicine | Heaven Knows – The Pretty Reckless

“Spence?”

 Spencer looked up from his book.

Oh, so now he was allowed to talk with them about the case.

Since the briefing they hadn’t talked to him about anything. Spencer had to beg them, to let him work on this case.

He had really felt left out and why?

Because the stalking victim was a famous Rockstar with addiction issues. Spencer was hurt about his team not wanting him to be on the case because of this. Yes, he had struggled with addiction in the past, but he had been clean for over ten years now.

Was this unfair treatment…this distrust in his sobriety, ever going to stop?

It wasn’t like they had cared much about it when Emily had faked her death or when Maeve died, but this, for them, looked like a too high risk? Because there was a pretty girl involved?

He tried his best not to sound passive aggressive when responding.

 “Yeah, JJ?”, with success.

“I asked if everything´s okay.”

“Sure. Why should anything be wrong?”, the blonde shrugged a little, an apologetic look on her face.

“Well the case-“ “It´s just a stalking case. Nothing we haven’t already seen. I actually wonder why we even need to come. The stalker isn’t aggressive and hasn´t hurt anybody. Right now he´s just importunate. The police should be able to catch this unsub themselves.”, he had accidently let a little of his passive aggressiveness slip and Emily, who was sitting next to JJ, looked at him.

“The record label convinced the police to contact us. They seem worried about their artist.”

“From what I know…this girl can take care of herself.”, Luke snickered, earning himself a ‘Come on, really?’-look from Emily. “Sorry, but have you seen or listened to her music? She could probably beat Reid in a fist fight.”

“Just because she´s making rock music, doesn’t mean she´s tough. But we should talk a little about the case, Reid if you ever feel unco-“, he quickly interrupted her with a snappy tone.

“Why, because she´s an addict? I don’t care about that.”, Emily lifted her hands in a calming manner.

“Okay, jeez. Just the way you´re on edge, since the briefing, doesn’t look like you are okay.”, Spencer took a deep breath, trying to talk calmer this time, now almost pleading in tone.

“I-I know. But I´m clean since was twenty-six. I never touched anything again and I don’t feel the need to. I even regulate my alcohol intake, never drinking more than a beer, maybe two glasses of whiskey. Which means, that statistically all of you are at a higher risk, of becoming addicted, during this case, then I am. You guys need to trust me.”, the dark haired woman sighed and nodded.

“You´re right. I´m- We´re just worried. You´re our friend, Spencer.”, she handed him a file. “Just promise me you talk to one of us, if something changes.”

 He nodded opening the file. A picture of [y/n] looked at him. Dark heavy make-up, dark clothing and jet black hair with colorful streaks.

His younger self would´ve been as attracted as terrified of her.

He flipped through the pages. [y/n] [y/l/n]. Twenty-six years old. Stalker since approximately two years. Nothing extremely outstanding for a stalking case…which was kinda outstanding. No letters, no calls, no pictures, no break in, no threats…sometimes she would get random, expensive present delivered to her mansion, but that was it. Given that she was famous, this presents did not even have to be from a stalker.

 “Are we sure there´s even is a stalker?”, Spencer frowned at his own question, Emily shrugged as a response.

“According to the manager, Philip Schuyler, since the first time she played his concerns down, he gets these calls of a man asking for [y/n] and how she is doing. The label didn’t take it serious after he told them, but then the unsub stole the last finished album from [y/n]´s band ‘Shot Monarch’, before it could get released and distributed, also erasing every digitally existing copy. He then called the manager and send the owner of the record label a letter; typed on a computer, no fingerprints; stating that he wanted to be taken serious. Later [y/n] got the USB, containing all her songs, with a dozen white lilies, her favorite, back per mail with an apology letter; stating that she had done nothing wrong and didn’t need to worry, since he could never harm her or her carrier. That´s when the label pushed the police to contact us.”

“Because they are worried about the music…not the woman.”, JJ sighed, shaking her head.

“Well, that´s the industry. At least her manager is worried. Police states that he got himself a gun license after that and tries to be everywhere [y/n] is.”, Luke added.

“Something about that is off.”, Spencer whispered, rubbing his stubbles, before looking at JJ, Emily and Luke again. “There is nothing that indicates a stalker, but every time somebody doubts his existence, he does something noticeable. I know she is famous and that comes with the stigma of having crazed fans as stalkers, but most stalking in general is committed by someone known to the victim, such as an ex-partner or acquaintance. We should check that out.”, JJ nodded.

“It would also be smart if one of us stays by her site.”, Luke quickly raised his hand.

“I volunteer. I- Like- Really! If necessary I´ll sleep in the SUV.”, Emily raised an eyebrow.

“Can it be that you´re a fan? I heard you and Penelope freak out a little over the case earlier.”, a shy smirk appeared on his lips.

“‘Shot Monarch’ has really good music. Since my road trip a year ago, I love their stuff. Penelope actually tol-”, Spencer interrupted him determined.

“I´ll do it.”, Emily quickly shook her head.

“Reid, no.” “Why not?”, his voice got high, making him quickly cleared his throat. “Because-“ “Because she is taking drugs. Do you trust me that little, Emily?”, Spencer snapped at her and she leaned back into her seat. Sure the others from the team were older than him, but he was in his late thirties, and yet was treated like a child.

 “Fine. If you think you can handle it, do it. But stop being so sassy, I hate that.”, Emily looked at look in defeat. “Luke tell him what you know about [y/n] and the band.”, he nodded pulling out his phone.

“Okay so, [y/n] is the lead singer of ‘Shot Monarch’. She´s from a small town in Ohio and came to LA when she was eighteen, to become a singer after going viral. They are a band since five years, the name never really got explained by them, but it has something to do with the butterfly; at least that’s a fan theory I now from Penelope. Plus it makes sense, because [y/n] has a tattoo of one on the back of her hand.”, Luke flipped through some pictures of older man, reminding Spencer of bikers and insurance agents at the same time. Like middle-aged fathers that liked rock but still had a nine-to-five job.

“Hank, the guitarist, was a lawyer before and in a cover band with his high school friends Tom, the bassist, who worked for an insurance company, and Leroy, the drummer, who was history teacher and is also married to Hank. They met [y/n] at an open mic night and even though she´s twenty-six and they are in their late forties, early fifties, they got along so well, that they became a band. That´s ‘Going to Hell’ by the way. One of the more controversial songs.”, Luke pressed play on the video and already moved the lips to the lyrics.

  “Father did you miss me,

Been locked up a while.

I got caught for what I did but took it all in style.

Laid to rest all my confessions I gave way back when.

Now I'm versed in so much worse,

So I am back again, and he said

For the lives that I take, I'm going to hell!

For the love that I make, I'm going to hell!

Gettin' heavy with the devil, you can hear the wedding bells.”

  “The guitar you´re hearing is a classic Hank. That guy knows what he´s doing.”, Luke added, seemingly in his element, reminding Spencer a lot of Garcia when she was excited.

 Spencer nodded and watched the music video, the overall theme was dark and heavy. [y/n] voice was nice, a little smoky and strong, but everything just sounded so angry. Not really his style, although he preferred older, classical music in general over the ‘normal’ things ‘normal’ people liked. [y/n] wore tightfitting latex, while the men from her band mostly just wore black jeans and shirts, sometimes leather jackets. At one time, she was surrounded by snakes, only wearing white lingerie. She was really pretty, red lipstick making her look like a biting version of Snow White. Like a princess that would rather save herself, becoming the villain along the way, before letting someone else save her.

  “Father did you miss me,

Don't ask me where I've been.

You know I know, yes, I've been told I redefine a sin.

I don't know what's driving me to put this in my head.

Maybe I wish I could die, maybe I am dead!

And he said

For the lives that I fake, I'm going to hell!

For the vows that I break, I'm going to hell!

For the ways that I hurt, when I'm hiking up my skirt.

I am sitting on a throne while they're buried in the dirt.

For the man that I hate, I'm going to hell!

Gettin' heavy with the devil, you can hear the wedding bells.”

  The lyrics and symbolistic in the video mocked parts of the Christian belief system. Such as the bite Eve had taken from the apple, showing [y/n] taking a bite from the forbitten fruit. The last supper and the crucifixion were shown with a dark twist too. This could be a hint of rebellion, to cope with religious trauma, or simply be a way to cause controversy.

“Please forgive me father,

I didn't mean to bother you.

The devil's in me father.

He's inside of everything I do.

For the lives that I take, I'm going to hell!

For the laws that I break, I'm going to hell!

For the love that I hate, I'm going to hell!

For the lies that I make, I'm going to hell!

For the way I condescend and never lend a hand.

My arrogance is making this head buried in the sand.

For the souls I forsake, I'm going to hell!

Gettin' married to the devil, you can hear the wedding bells.”

As the video ended Luke took his phone and put it back into his pocket.

“Their earlier stuff had a little more emotion to it, was about heartbreak, suffering and made you feel. This is one of the more recent ones and you can hear that it´s now mostly just stuff like sex, drugs and anger. Most people think that´s because [y/n] writes all of their music and she´s…seen better days…”, Luke sighed, trying to make it sound as polite as possible.

“Because she started taking drugs?”, Spencer raised his eyebrows, but Luke shook his head. “Oh, no. She, according to many rumors and an interview with her father, has taken drugs since she was a teen. But at this point…she just simply seems to have given up, having chosen to not go deeper with her songs anymore. I mean, they still slap. They just don’t slap your heart anymore, you know?”

“Not so nice, when your father talks to the press about your addiction. Could her father be a suspect?”, JJ asked, making Luke shrug and shake his head at the same time.

“Most likely not. He said in that interview that he wishes her the best, but doesn’t want to speak to her again.”, Emily mouthed a silent ‘ouch’, the whole talk about the rockstars private life making Spencer think.

“Maybe that´s part why she´s taking drugs? Often people use them to cope with-“, Emily interrupted him, profiling [y/n] and her substance abuse, quickly.

“Reid. We´re not going there to fix her, just the stalking situation.”, he nodded, knowing that he had a savior complex, always trying to help and save everybody.

“Exes?”, Spencer asked and Luke shook his head.

“Just one is known, Dean Lennox, singer, now married with kids. He and [y/n] were together for two years and according to him it was toxic. Like, always fighting, jealousy, distrust, fear of being left but she still didn’t want him close at the same time, lying. After their last breakup, he told a gossip magazine, he just couldn’t watch her destroy herself anymore. She never commented on it.”, JJ looked at Spencer worried.

“She seems like a handful, are you sure you can handle her alone?”, he chuckled while nodding.

“I´ve been through worse. How hard can it be to watch a twenty-six year old? When she, like Luke said, really doesn’t want anyone close, I´ll just sit on her couch and let her do her thing.”

*****

After landing in Los Angeles and checking into their hotel, the team drove to police station. There already waited a massage for them with an address. It was from the manager, he wrote that he was terribly sorry, but they needed to come to the recording studio, since the band was on a tight schedule all morning. Luke had tried his best, but Spencer could see his excitement through his tough-guy-façade. He, JJ, Luke and Emily took one of the SUV´s and drove to the address.

 The building they entered was large and with great security. Expensive, white marble flooring in the entire entrance hall. They showed their batches to the lady at the front desk and the security, she called somebody and soon a short, pudgy man, dressed in a designer suit walked out of the elevator and up to them. He smiled at them friendly and shook everyone’s hand.

 “Ah, the agents. I am so glad that you´re here. Hi. Hello. I´m Philip Schuyler, the manager of ‘Shot Monarch’.”, Emily shook his hand and pointed at the team.

“Nice to meet you. I´m unit chief SSA Prentiss, those are SSA Jareau, Alvez and that´s Dr. Spencer Reid. He will take on the job as bodyguard for Miss [y/l/n].”, the man scratched his brown hair, avoiding the bald spot on top.

“Yes, uhm, please just call her [y/n]. She really dislikes being called Miss [y/l/n]. We also already have police and security around her house, so I don’t know how important a personal bodyguard is. I really want this case solved and it would be terrible if we would hinder your work.”, Spencer lifted a finger.

“Actually, it would be better if I´m able to stay close to [y/n]. Normal police and security could probably oversee minor details about the stalker, Mr. Schuyler.”, the man waved off.

“Please, Mr. Schuyler was my father. Philip is completely fine. Everybody calls me that.”, he started walking to the elevator and the agents followed him. “Right now the band´s having a little break. After that, we need to record one more song for the ‘live in the studio’-version of their new album, that just came out. Are you familiar with their music?”, they got into the elevator and Luke already nodded.

“Yeah. Really great. Big fan.”, Emily lifted her hand, silencing Luke.

“I´m sorry. If that´s a problem we can-“, Philip laughed, interrupting her.

“Oh, no, no. [y/n] will love that. She likes meeting fans and showing off her music.”

 They got out of the elevator, walked through the little hallway and entered the large double door in front of them. There was the recording studio. A lot of technical things, Spencer didn’t know much of, and a large glass wall in front of it, showing another room.

 The recording room was large, with a black leather couch and beanbags in it and nice, warm, wooden flooring. A drum set was placed on an vintage looking, red carpet and the overall lighting was warm and inviting as well. The door to the room was open and he could hear the three men, from the band, talking and laughing inside.

 “Guys, can you come out for a bit?”, Philip asked them and they looked up, walking up to them. “Okay, uhm, guys, those are the agents from the FBI. You know? The once coming because of [y/n]´s stalker.”, the largest man, a head taller than Spencer, smiled through his long grey beard that contrasted his bald head.

“Nice to meet you then, I´m Hank. That my husband Leroy,”, they shook hands with the dark skinned, skinny man, who in contrast to his husband was cleanshaven, with short black hair and glasses, “and that´s our friend Tom.”, the chubby, white, blond waved at them friendly.

“Why would like to talk with each of you individually, later at the police station, if that is possible.”, Emily said before introducing her team again, also mentioning Spencer´s duty as bodyguard. Leroy grimaced his face.

“Uh, [y/n] will hate that. The girl does not like being babysat.” “I´m not going to babysit her.”, Spencer answered, making Leroy chuckle. “That´s not how she will see it though.”, Hank sighed and put a hand on Spencer´s shoulder.

“Our girl is going through a lot right now. So it would be nice of you, to not take everything she´s saying personally, okay?”

“Personally?”

 Spencer raised his eyebrows. He desperately hoped [y/n] wouldn’t be a bitch the entire time, since he couldn’t promise to not give her a piece of his mind, if so.

“[y/n]´s a little belligerent…Easy to get triggered and then she blows up like a bomb.”, Tom said and JJ cocked her head. “Is the stalking getting at her?”, Leroy shook his head. “Not really. But her mother died a few months ago and since then…little rough patch. She´ll get better. We all hit rock bottom once.”

“Is she going to therapy?”, Emily asked straight forward, making Tom, the chubby one chuckle. “Not since she hit the last therapist a few years ago. We paid his medical expenses and he was nice enough to not sue her. But we are here to help her, once she´s ready to let us.” “Must be exhausting, for you.”, JJ said empathetic and all the men waved off.

“Because of the drugs? No, it´s not that bad. She´ll collect herself. I have seven kids. Four of them are going through puberty right now. Phil has a toddler and Leroy and Hank have three rescue dogs and a couple of snakes. We can handle her.”, Tom laughed and the rest of the men started too.

“And that little stalker…Imma just say, I´m gonna rip him a new one, should I ever get the chance of meeting him. Counts for all of us.”, Hank added with everyone nodding in agreement.

“[y/n]´s a really nice girl and she´s been through a lot. If you´re nice to her, chances are high she´ll warm up to you and you won´t have any problems.”, Tom said to Spencer making him nod.

“And if she doesn’t?”, the tall doctor didn’t get an answer and just witnessed the rockers share a look.

 Nice girl. Drug issues not so bad. Be nice and maybe she´s nice to you. For Spencer all of that sounded like he would have to walk around on eggshells, while she would blast through walls like a wrecking ball. The manager, Philip, checked his watch and looked around.

 “So, where´s [y/n]? One more song and we´re done. Would be great not to hold up the investigation for too long.”

“She went to the toilet thirty minutes ago. We just ate our sandwiches. She said she wasn’t hungry.”, Leroy answered and at the same moment [y/n] walked in.

 Spencer looked at her and for a moment forgot how to breathe. Short, high waisted, leather skirt, low cut, tank top and biker boots, all black, rounded off with fishnet stockings.  [y/n] looked like she had climbed out of a teenagers wet dream. The perfect, little goth-girlfriend. She stretched a little and Philip looked at her.

 “Bonjour, Philly.”, she said with a sassy undertone, while walking up to him and leaning on his shoulder. He was the same high as her, which wasn’t really tall, about 5,4, if Spencer had to guess.

“Hey, where were you?”, the pudgy man asked her.

“Took a nap in my car.”, she booped his nose and gave him a sheepish little smile. Spencer knew she was high. In fact the whole room knew it.

“You drove here?”, Tom asked shocked and [y/n] grinned sarcastically.

“I guess so, else somebody explain to me why my car´s here.”, Phillip patted her shoulder, looking worried as she took four pills out of an orange pillbox from her bag. He gave her a glass of water and she swallowed them. The men from her band looked at her concerned, making her give them a pearly white smile.

“Headache.”, she explained and they only nodded. Spencer couldn’t help but think, that she wasn’t having a headache and even if she had, it was probably a withdrawal symptom.

“You know that I don’t want you to drive when you´re…”, her manager looked at the agents and stopped talking, making her look at them as well.

“What? Why´d you stop talking? That the fun police?”, she started giggling at her own joke, making the band chuckle, since she clearly didn’t know how accurate she was with her joke.

“That´s the FBI, Princess.”, Hank told her and she made a fake shocked face and then laughed again.

“Officer- No wait, agents, right? I swear I did nothing wrong. Weed´s legal in Cali.”

 The team shared some looks and Spencer couldn’t help but roll his eyes. [y/n] was not just on weed. Most definitely not just on weed.

 “They are here because of your stalker.”, Philip explained and she shrugged almost disappointed.

“Oh, that guy. Well, then hello. Nice to meet you. I´m [y/n].”

 She shook hands with JJ and Emily as they introduced themselves. Luke couldn’t help but breathe in sharply, as he shook her hand and almost choked on his own spit as an aftereffect. She started patting his back with wide opened eyes.

 “Shit, you okay? Asthma?”, [y/n] reached into her black, designer handbag and gave him a bottle with clear liquid. Luke took a sip, quickly grimaced his face and began coughing harder.

“Vodka.”, he stated through his coughing. [y/n] quickly took the bottle from him and took a sip too, without flinching. She then started cracking up at her mistake.

“Whoops. Mixed up the bottles, the other´s probably in my car. Philly, can you bring him…?”, Philip nodded and gave Luke a fresh water bottle from the mini fridge.

 Wow. Vodka hidden in a water bottle. Spencer licked his lips, taking in the view of her bandmates looking at each other. ‘Not that bad’ looked different. ‘Not that bad’ would not have her sleeping in her car, midday, with a bottle of ‘water’ and coming back high as a kite. Luke, by now, had stopped coughing and [y/n] stepped away from him again.

 “You good?”, she asked him, watching him wipe away his tears.

“Y-Yeah. Sorry.”, the black haired girl waved him off.

“Nah, don’t worry. I had asthma till I was twelve.”, he shook his head.

“I- I- No asthma. Just a really big fan.”, she started laughing again and although the light was dimmed, Reid could clearly see Luke´s cheeks turning red.

“Oh, that´s cute. But ‘Take My Breath Away’ is by Berlin.”, that sentence actually made the whole room laugh except for Spencer, who didn’t understand the reference. “What´s your name?”

“Luke Alvez.”, she shook his hand again, this time he didn’t almost choke.

“Well, nice to meet you, Luke. What´s your favorite song of ours?”

“25, no doubt. Really amazing. Like a James Bond song.”, the bandmates chuckled.

“We said that too.”, Leroy snickered, patting Luke´s shoulder and [y/n] nodded.

“It´s also my favorite. Excited to hear one of the new songs?”, Luke nodded excited and she turned her head to Spencer. “We both don’t know each other yet. Hi, I´m [y/n] and you are?”

 She sounded quite collected. Clearly high, but able to think straight if necessary. [y/n] must´ve been doing this for a while now, seeming to have figured out, how much she could handle while working. Spencer had been at that point too once. You wanted to do your work and be good at it, but needed to be high, to make it through the day. So you just tried over a period of time, bit by bit, how much you were able to take before doing a shitty job. ‘Not that bad’ didn’t make you figuring out a system to be high all the time.

 “Dr. Spencer Reid.”, he shook her hand.

“Dr. Reid will be your bodyguard, [y/n].”, Philip explained and quickly earned an angry look, as she let go of Spencer´s hand instantly.

“What? I don’t need a bodyguard, we talked about this.”, she hissed at her manager, but then started laughing after looking Spencer up and down. “And then that guy?”, Philip nodded as she rolled her eyes at him. ‘Do not take it personally’, Spencer told himself.

“I am more than capable of protecting you.”, he stated as friendly as possible, making her giggle.

“From what? A difficult math question?”

 [y/n] mocking tone started to piss him off, but as Spencer felt Emily´s look on him, he played it cool. After all, he had to proof himself able to handle her.

 “Your stalker.”, he corrected her and she licked her lips, pulling out a pack of cigarettes, looking at Luke.

“Since you don’t have asthma, would you mind if I…?”, Luke shook his head and she smiled. “Nice.”, she looked back at Spencer, at his gun. “Philip has a gun too.” “But Philip isn’t an FBI agent.”, Hank told her, making her shake her head in protest, like a little child.

“That´s ridiculous. And all of that just because a stranger sends me stuff, people send me stuff all the time.”

“You should be more worried about this guy.”, Leroy said and Tom nodded in agreement. “Yeah, what if he´s dangerous?”

“What´s the worst that could happen, like honestly, Doctor?”, she cocked her head at Spencer, looking up at him with an almost flirty smile.

“He could kill you.”, he gave back objectively, making the rockers obviously worried. “Geez. You make that sound like it´s a bad thing.”, she snickered and looked over to Luke. “Luke, wanna hear some music?”, he nodded.

“It would be an honor.”, his sentence made her giggle as she walked past him.

“You´re really cute.”

 [y/n] walked into the recording room, Tom, Leroy and Hank following her. She put on her headphones and lit a cigarette, putting the package on the little table next to her mic. Philip closed the door and started pushing some buttons on the sound mixer in front of him. JJ whistled impressed.

 “You do the technical stuff too?”, he nodded, chuckling.

“Since the stalking started, I try having as little people near [y/n] as possible. Thought it might just be a little crush from a weirdo and when he doesn’t get to see her, he gets over it.” “We need a list of the people that worked here though.”, Emily told him and he nodded.

“Of course.”, then he pushed a button and started talking into his microphone. “You guys, ready? Last song. ‘My Medicine’, then we can go home.”

 They all approved of his words and started to playing. [y/n] relighting her cigarette and clearing her throat. Spencer couldn’t tell if that was her simply not caring or doing it for the feeling of the song. However, it seemed to fit the style.

“Somebody mixed my medicine

Somebody mixed my medicine”

“I love this already.”, Luke whispered and JJ chuckled.

“You haven’t even heard anything yet.”, she snickered.

“Doesn’t matter, the feeling is there.”, he lifted his arms, showing her his goosebumps.

“Well you hurt where you sleep and you sleep where you lie

Now you're in deep and now you're gonna cry

Got a woman to your left

And a boy to your right

You start to sweat so

Hold me tight 'cause

Somebody mixed my medicine

I don't know what I'm on

Somebody mixed my medicine

Now baby it’s all gone

Somebody mixed my medicine

And somebody's in my head again

And somebody mixed my medicine again, again”

Spencer watched [y/n] starting to move to the rhythm, swaying her hips and tapping her left foot to the beat, then looked to Philip pressing some buttons.

 “She´s gonna be happy with that one.”, he whispered almost to himself and the next time Spencer looked at the band again, it almost felt like she was attentionally singing in his direction.

“Well I drink what you leak and I smoke what you sigh

See you cross the room with that look in your eye

Got a man to his left and a girl to his right

You start to sweat so

Hold me tight 'cause

Somebody mixed my medicine

I don't know what I'm on

Somebody mixed my medicine

Now baby it’s all gone

Somebody mixed my medicine

Somebody's in my head again

And somebody mixed my medicine again, again”

She started moving her head in a way that made her long black hair fall in her face, framing her features almost delicately. While Spencer starred and earned some grins from [y/n], he could hear Luke whisper with Emily, who actually seemed to like the music too.

“There's a tiger in the room and a baby in the closet”

The room laughed and Spencer looked confused, having JJ tell him, that it was a movie reference. Sometime he felt like an alien, having such simple references fly over his head. Star Trek or Book references would´ve been easier for him…although he still didn’t know what that ‘Twilight’ book was Penelope and JJ talked about a couple of times. Or that other book all the women had talked about in their break….what was it called, ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’? They had told him it was a romance novel, so he just assumed it was like ‘Pride and Prejudice’ by Jane Austen.

“Pour another drink mom I don't even want it

Then I turn around and think I see someone that looks like you”

Philip pressed some buttons again, [y/n] now harmonizing with herself.

“Well you hurt where you sleep and you sleep where you lie

Now you're in deep and now you're gonna cry

Got a woman to your left

And a boy to your right

You start to sweat so

Hold me tight 'cause

Somebody mixed my medicine

I don't know what I'm on

Somebody mixed my medicine

Now baby it’s all gone

Somebody mixed my medicine

Somebody's in my head again again

And somebody mixed my medicine

Again, again, again

Again, again, again

Again, again, again”

The music started to slow down again, just like [y/n] movements, making Luke whisper words in awe.

“Somebody mixed my medicine

Somebody mixed my medicine

Somebody mixed my medicine”

Philip and the team applauded as [y/n] took her headphones off and the men put their instruments away.

 “I´m happy with that.”, she said looking at Philip. “You, Philly?”

“Sounded great to me.”, he gave back, happy to answer.

“What about my new favorite fan. Luke?”, Luke quickly pushed Spencer aside to get to the microphone.

“Loved every second of it! Like- Amazing! Really!”, she giggled, throwing her head back and came through the door.

“What about my new guard dog?”, Spencer pointed at himself, not knowing if she was talking about him. “Of course you. So, what do you think, Doctor?”

“I- I don’t really know.”, she raised her eyebrows at his answer.

“Okay? Was it the drugs or just the music in general?”, he felt himself go pale. “Ah, okay. You´re prude, get it. I mean you already have that whole tutor-thing about you, so…Bach or Chopin?”

“Pardon?” “Which one? Or is it Mozart, or the deaf bitch, Beethoven?”, she grinned snarky.

 [y/n] had a mocking tone in her voice, making Spencer feel embarrassed and like he was in school again, when the other kids in high school were making fun of him for not being cool enough. But he was too old to be bullied by a little junkie, who thought she was better than him.

 “I´m surprised somebody like you would even know them.”, her smile vanished.

“Little bitch.”, she snapped at him, stepping closer as he cocked his eyebrows at her. Philip quickly walked between the two of them and smiled.

“So, what are we doing next? The albums done. Taken care of. [y/n] have you eaten something today? You wanna go out for dinner?”

“No, I haven’t and no, I don’t want to, when THAT is around.”, with ‘that’ she clearly meant Spencer.

“Now don’t be grumpy, Princess. You started it.”, Hank told her and she started to pout, shoulders relaxing.

“Wasn’t worth my time anyways.”, she murmured and Spencer felt himself getting proud. This was the first person, trying to bully him, he had stand a chance against.

“So, we´re gonna need you at the police station, if that´s okay?”, Emily asked Leroy, Hank and Tom, who nodded. “And Spencer, you should take [y/n] home and check out her house.” “Mansion.”, [y/n] corrected Emily. “I have a mansion. Worked too hard to have it being called a house.”, Emily only nodded, not letting herself get bothered by her words. Philip nodded, completely ignoring his clients snappiness too.

“I follow you in my car.”, he told Spencer. “[y/n] give Dr. Reid your keys, please.”, she shook her head indignant.

“No. That guy is not driving my car. I´ll drive.”, the whole band now started saying no.

“[y/n], you´re not driving.”, Tom ordered and Leroy nodded. “You´ll get an DUI so quick, it´s not even funny.”, Spencer lifted his hand, waiting for the key. “Oh, come on.”, she groaned, looking at her bandmates like her childish behavior would change their mind.

 A nice sound. An annoying person, not getting what they want. Almost as beautiful as her [y/e/c] eyes, that actually were rather bloodshot, when Spencer thought about it.

 “Should the police pull you over and see that you´re high, they´ll look through your car and I don’t think you want be taking in custody for drug possession, right?”, she handed him her keys and Spencer couldn’t help it and whispered “Thank you”, in the most mocking tone he was able to.

“Fucking cunt.”, she whispered back at him and he just chuckled.

“I´ve been called worse. So your little words don’t hurt me…sorry.”, she then grinned.

“Things like Spencer?”, [y/n] asked him, spitting his name like poison.

 Spencer took a deep breath and watched her go out the door, telling himself to not answer her.

 “Hey, kid.”, Spencer looked at Hank and he just lifted his thumb.

“You held yourself better than we thought you would.”, Leroy added, Emily looking at Spencer concerned.

“You sure you can handle her?”

 He nodded, walking out the door and to the elevator which doors [y/n] was holding open for him.

 “Hurry up, bitch boy! I wanna go home.”

 *****

 Of course the rich, spoiled brat drove an imported sportscar. When Spencer got in, he firstly had to push back the seat, not having enough room for his legs and then tried getting [y/n] to tell him where she lived.

 “Try google, smart ass.”, was her answer and he sighed.

 [y/n] then rolled down her window and grabbed a joint from her glove compartment. Spencer quickly leaned over and snatched it from her hand, making her whine as she tried getting it back.

 “You´re such a bitch. Give me-“, he interrupted her whining.

“No. First tell me you´re address.”, she sat back into her seat.

“Fine. I´ll lead you there.”, [y/n] said, making grabbing motions with her hand and he handed her the joint back. She lit it and smoked out of the window.

 Spencer knew he should have questioned why she gave up and let him win so easily. After ten minutes they weren’t at her mansion, they were at a McDonald´s.

 “You´re fucking kidding me, right?”, he snapped at her and she began to giggle.

“You´re kina hot when you´re angry.”, her flirty grin and the way she bit her lip made him furious, because it was hot.

“What is wrong with you?”, Spencer almost yelled and she leaned back and pointed somewhere. “I´m hungry. Drive-Through. Over there.”

“No.” “Come on. Don’t be a bitch, dog.”, she snickered, resting her feet on the dashboard.

 He looked at her, for a second thinking about simply getting out of the car and leaving, before he could hurt her. Maybe she was really too much for him to handle, the drugs were manageable, but it was her personality that drove him mad, yet he wasn’t someone to give up easily. Cars started to honk behind them.

 “You´re holding up the traffic. I just wanted something to eat.”, [y/n] said, now almost annoyed because she wasn’t getting what she wanted. Spencer took a deep breath.

“Okay.”, she looked at him confused.

“Okay?”, he nodded, pulling into the Drive-Through. He was above this. ‘Give her what she wants, so she´s at least quiet.’

“You win.”

 She started clapping and hugged him, smelling like marijuana and something he couldn’t quite make out. When they came up to the microphone box, [y/n] crawled over Spencer´s lap, forcing him to look and think respectfully. She ordering a bunch of stuff and then looked at him.

 “What do you want? I only have booze at home, so…”, he looked at her a little startled. Was she trying to be nice to him?

“You wanna buy me something?”, she nodded like this behavior was normal to her. “Sure.”

“Surprise me. I never eat fast food, I don’t know what´s good.”

 She nodded and then told the voice from the box to double her order. Sitting back into her seat, [y/n] took out a hundred dollar bill from her purse, handing it to Spencer. When they pulled up by the window, taking their things, the woman in the window nearly lost it when she saw the rockstar, starting to cry. [y/n] was really nice to her and asked her if she wanted to take a photo in the parking lot. Of course the woman said yes and after paying, where [y/n] had left almost fifty bucks as a tip, Spencer had to park and wait till they had made the photo and given an autograph.

 “Okay, now drive before it goes viral. I wanna eat that stuff before it gets cold.”, she told him, taking a sip of one of the milkshakes.

“That was nice.”, she shrugged and then told him her address, telling him she´d scream when they reached it.

 *****

 Lo and behold, no twenty minutes later they parked in front of [y/n] mansion, next to another, more run down car, belonging to Philip. The mansion would´ve made Rossi´s mansion cry. At least twice as big and the property was enormous. In contrast to [y/n], it was very light and minimalistic from the outside and the inside.

 “Most rooms are empty. Too big.”, she explained walking straight into the open living area, that had a large terrace with pool and a view over the Hollywood hills. She put the paper bags filled with food on the large kitchen island and sat on a barstool.

“You could sell it and buy a smaller one.”, [y/n] shrugged and took out a burger, starting to eat it.

“Philip says I´m gonna grow into it.”, she answered, mocking the tone of voice her manager had probably had.

 Spencer watched her type something on her phone and a minute later Philip came into the room.

 “Hey, where were you? I got worried.”, he asked them and [y/n] handed him a salad.

“It´s the one you always have.”, he smiled at her.

“Thank you. You´re so nice.”, she shrugged at his words, not really caring.

“Yours is in here too, dog.”, she now told spencer.

 Ah, yes. She was being bitchy again. Spencer had only waited for it to happen. He said nothing, but walked up to the white kitchen isle and took the bag she pointed at.

 “Milkshake, burger, fries. Fast food essentials.”, she stated, finishing her small cheeseburger and getting up to her fridge, taking out a beer. She held it to Spencer who declined and then to Philip who did the same. “Lame asses.”, she chuckled, opening it and standing at the counter, watching Spencer eat. “So you´re here for…?”

“Technically it would be the easiest for all of us, if I just stayed.”, she raised her brows.

“Staying like, in my house staying?”, he nodded and she shook her head. “No chance. I enjoy my solitude.”

“[y/n]. If it´s easier for the agent and better for you…”, she sighed, opening a drawer and taking out some pills, swallowing them with her beer. “Fucking hell. But don´t expect me to be considerate of you.”, the rockstar told him.

“Should you consume them with alcohol?”, Spencer asked, taking a bite of his burger and she shrugged.

“I´m going to sleep…you guys…do what you want, I don’t care…”

“Do you need me to do your laundry?”, Philip asked and [y/n] shrugged again, it seemed to be her favorite motion. As she walked down the hallways and Phillip yelled after her. “Don’t forget that you have a gig tonight, [y/n]!”

“THAT`S WHY I`M GOING TO SLEEP NOW, DUMB ASS! WAKE ME UP WHEN WE NEED TO GO!”, she yelled back, followed by the smashing of a door.

 “She´s a nice girl.”, Philip said in the middle of the silence, as Spencer took place on one of the barstools.

“Like a car crash.”, the man in his fifties chuckled.

“I know she´s difficult, but in here she´s good.”, he pointed at his heart. “She has suffered a lot of losses in her life.”

“Then, just as a random thought, you should get into therapy before she OD´s.”, Spencer answered sassy.

“I know what you mean. But as long as she doesn’t want help or overdoes it…she has a system.”, Spencer let his head fall back and groaned.

“You know about that fucking thing?” “You too?”, Philip asked back in surprise. “Profiler. Took me no longer than the nap in her car, to figure that out.”

 Yes, a small lie from Spencer, but it sounded better then: Oh yes, I was addicted to dilaudid once. I had a system too!

 “Tell me, how does that train wreck of a system work?”, Philip leaned back from his salad.

“Well, she takes her painkillers in the morning and smokes some cannabis to get out of bed. When we´re touring or she has to be at shootings, interviews or anything else that needs her to focus, she only smokes and takes the pills all day, alcohol in water bottles is a new one though.”, Spencer sighed and thought if he even wanted to know more.

“And when she´s alone or not busy?” “Then she does the harder stuff.” “Harder stuff like cocaine, LSD…?”, Philip nodded. “Nothing with needles though…she´s scared of them.”

“She will not always be, if she continues like that.” “I know. That´s why I do my best to keep her busy. She even has her own recording studio here, knows how to handle everything herself. I thought it might make her spend more time making music than getting high. I also go out with her a lot, to a point where my wife starts to get jealous.”, he laughed bittersweetly. “Have you ever been to Disney World, agent?”, Spencer shook his head. “I take [y/n] there once a week, because she likes it there. I spend more time with her there then with my own daughter.”, [y/n] was famous, no chance people wouldn’t notice her.

“Does she even get to do anything there?”

“Not often. She mostly meets her fans there, but she loves that a lot. She is really sweet to them too, they mean everything to her.”

 That was the first time Philip had said something that was true about [y/n]. She had, not once been mean to a fan. The complete opposite actually. She had been nice and thoughtful, going out of her way to make the woman at the Drive-Through happy and was nice to Luke.

 “I know she was a little mean to you today, but she also bought us food, seeing it as a matter of course. There are two sides to every person, like a coin.”, Like a coin, just that [y/n] sides flipped as quickly like one too. Philip sighed and got up from his barstool. “I´ll show you around a little, if you want to.”

 Spencer nodded, getting up, following the short man around the house.

 *****

 [y/n] had been right.

It was way too big and many of the rooms were empty. When Spencer asked Philip about the necessity of such a big mansion, he told him, that he had hoped to motivate [y/n] to have a family one day. But now the only rooms in use were her bedroom, one of the five guest bedrooms, which Spencer got to stay in, the open living area with kitchen and living room, the recording studio and a little library. The latter made Spencer a little jealous. In the middle of the room even stood a white piano with notes on it. [y/n] also had a lot of books, all dusty, because she never read anymore. He would´ve killed to have his own library…she probably didn’t even value what she had.

 When they returned into the living area, Philip gave Spencer some spare keys, beginning to clean up a little and putting the food in the fridge. [y/n] didn’t lie, when she said, she only had alcohol at home. JJ came over and brought Spencer his go bag, asking him how it was going. Of course he said he was doing great, but couldn’t help but rant to her about [y/n]´s behavior.

 “Well, she is an addict, Spence. You know how erratic some drugs can make you.”, he nodded.

“Yeah, but she really tries pushing me and then, one second to the other, she´s nice and polite. Have you talked to her bandmates?”, JJ laughed.

“Way too long. We had interviews with them and then Luke just couldn’t stop talking to them, he has also taken about a million pictures with them and facetimed Penelope so she could meet them too.”, Spencer chuckled.

“Sounds like they had a good time. Anything else happened? Found out something?”

“[y/n]´s mother was an addict and left the family when she was younger. When she found out her daughter was famous, she got back in touch with her, to borrow money. [y/n] didn’t care and even got her to live with her, in one of the guest bedrooms. She overdosed a few months ago, since then [y/n]´s addiction got worse.”, Spencer´s eyes got wide.

“She didn’t die in the guest bedroom though, right?”

 Just as JJ wanted to answer, [y/n] walked in. Philip walking behind her with a duffle bag.

 “She died in the bathroom and she didn’t overdose perse, she drowned after falling unconscious in the bathtub, while being high.”, she answered cold, seeming to have overheard their conversation. [y/n] grabbed a beer from the fridge and continued calmly while taking some colorful pills. “I found her. The bathroom that it happened in is always locked. Don´t worry.”, Philip fidgeted a little with his hands, looking for his keys.

“Uh-Uhm. Agents? We need to go. The concert…”

“You coming too?”, [y/n] asked, looking at JJ and she shrugged. “We could also invite the cute one…Luke. It´s about 20.000 people so two more won´t hurt…right Philly?”, Phillip nodded.

“You´re all invited. SSA Prentiss as well.”, he said and JJ smiled at them.

“Thank you. That´s very nice, but I´ll have to talk to them first.”, [y/n] shrugged at that and drank her beer.

“You have my number, just call when you know. We start half past eight.”, Philip then took the empty beer bottle from [y/n] and threw it away. “Show time.”

 *****

 Half an hour into the concert Luke had shown up, completely hyped.

 “What did I miss? We had some ex-staff members to talk to. Did they already play ‘Going to Hell’?”, Spencer nodded. “Argh, dammit. Doesn’t matter, that song´s amazing too.”

 During the whole concert Spencer watched [y/n]. The music wasn’t that bad, a little harsh, but it was mix of hard and alternative rock after all. At least that´s what Penelope said, when Luke started facetiming her. After the last costume change, Spencer pulled [y/n] aside. He asked her to not be so ‘touchy’ with her fans. Since she would kneel down and hold their hands. He tried telling her about the risks of having the unsub in the audience, but she only laughed.

 “I´ll be as touchy as I want, bitch.”, he started to frown.

“At least don’t stagedive. Luke says you always do that and the risk of the unsub use-“, she interrupted him, wanting to go on stage.

“Fuck off, dog.”, he held her arm, trying to reason with her.

“Can you ple-“, she tried pulling away, like an angry child.

“No.” “Stop being so fuck-“, [y/n] interrupted him again.

“Stop trying to fucking babysit me.”

“I just want to hel-“, she ripped her arm away. “Yeah, fuck you too.”, the rockstar answered, not letting him finish and walked back on stage.

 Philip walked up to Spencer, having seem the ordeal of him trying to talk to [y/n] and him now  driving the heel of his palm into his eyes. This girl gave him migraines.

 “What happened?”, Philip asked and Luke answered for Spencer.

“He told her not to stagedive.”, Philip laughed a little and shook his head.

“Oh yeah. Never tell her what to do. She hates that and then does it out of spite.”

“You don’t say?”, Spencer answered sarcastically.

 On stage [y/n] took her microphone, saying something to her bandmates and then smiling sweetly, while talking to her fans.

 “This next song is for my lovely new babysitter, who thinks he can tell me what to do.”, the crowd started booing and she laughed. “I know, I know. But it looks like he doesn’t know how things work around here…So I think we have to help him out a little.”

 The music started to play and Luke patted Spencer´s arm.

“She dedicates ‘Heaven Knows’ to you! Penny have you heard? She sings ‘Heaven Knows’ for Reid!”

“NO! SHUT UP!”, the blonde on the phone squeaked.

 He and Garcia started to freak out while Spencer watched [y/n] clapping her thigh and stomping to the beat.

“Jimmy's in the back with a pocket of high

If you listen close, you can hear him cry

Oh Lord, heaven knows, we belong way down below

Sing it!”

She lifted the mic to her audience she started to sing for her.

Oh Lord, heaven knows, we belong way down below, way down below, way down below

“Judy's in the front seat picking up trash

Livin' on the dole, gotta make that cash

Won't be pretty, won't be sweet

She's just sittin' here on her feet singin'

Oh, Lord, heaven knows, we belong way down below

Go!”

Again her fans obeyed her, Luke and Penelope freaking out next to Spencer. If it wouldn’t have been a moment, were he had to fear which move she had planned next to unnerve him, he might have even enjoyed this song and the involvement of her fans in it.

Oh Lord, heaven knows, we belong way down below

“Sing, oh Lord, tell us so, we belong way down below”

She now looked at him for a moment, while her audience sang. Before, again, walking around the stage, touching her fans hands.

Oh Lord, tell us so, we belong way down below

Way down below, way down below, way down below, way down below

“I've had better days, man, I've seen better days

I've had better ways, man, I know better ways

One, two, three and four, the devil's knocking at your door

Caught in the eye of a dead man's lie

Show your life with your head held high

Now you're on your knees with a head on low

Big man tells you where to go

Tell them it's good, tell 'em ok

Don't do a goddamn thing they say”

Spencer was surprised how well her fans knew her lyrics. She would just have to point at them or lift her mic and they would instantly sing were she stopped. Not missing a beat.

Oh Lord, heaven knows, we belong way down below

Oh Lord, tell us so, we belong way down below

Way down below, way down below, way down below, way down below

“I've seen better ways, and I know better ways

I've seen better days, man, I've got better days”

[y/n] now stood at the edge of the stage, back turned to her audience. She smiled directly at Spencer, fingers held like a gun to her head.

“Gina's in the back with a pocket of high

If you listen close you can hear the cryin'”

At the last word she mimicked shooting herself and let herself fall back into the crowd. Her fans got wild and continued her song, while Spencer certainly not in a long time, if ever, felt so much spite and frustration against a woman, other than Cat Adams.

Oh Lord, heaven knows, we belong way down below

Oh Lord, tell us so, we belong way down below

Singin' oh, Lord, heaven knows, we belong way down below

Oh, Lord, tell us so, we belong way down below

The crown placed [y/n] back on her stage, where she walked up to her bandmates again, waving at Spencer and Luke with the sweetest smile.

Way down below, way down below, way down below, way down below, way down below

Way down below, way down below, way down below, way down below, way down below

 *****

 After the concert and the encores she and the band got behind stage, where Spencer for the least thirty minutes had waited to give her a piece of his mind. As [y/n] giggled and walked up to him and Luke. He grabbed her arm, a little harsher than planned.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”, she blinked at his yelling, answering with her innocent eyes blinking and a mocking tone.

“What´s the prob, dog?”

“What´s- Do you really care so little for your own safety?”, Hank came up to them, having seen Spencer´s grip on the girls arm.

“Hey! What´s going on here? [y/n], are you okay?”, Spencer quickly let go of her.

“Yeah, the dog is just pissing himself because I stage dived.”, he quickly took a deep breath.

“I´m not pissing myself, [y/n], but I told you not to do it. What would you have done when your stalker would´ve been in the crowd and lost it? Nobody would´ve been able to get to you fast enough and help!”, Hank looked at her in disappointed shock.

“Is that true, [y/n]?”, the black haired girl ignored her friend and just continued arguing with Spencer.

“Well, maybe I don’t want anybody’s help!”, she hissed at Spencer.

“Then why are we even here?”, Spencer hissed back. “BECAUSE I BRING MONEY! Else the label would let me rot in a fucking corner! GOD! You are ruining my after-show-high. I hate you!”, [y/n] yelled and Spencer tried not to yell back, tried to be the bigger person, only hissing back at her.

“Oh, trust me. That feeling is mutual.”, she swallowed hard and then turned around, stomping away.

 *****

After half an hour waiting, Spencer got a call from Philip, telling him that [y/n] refused to see him again and would be sleeping at his house tonight. He told him, that he should just let himself into the mansion and eat what´s in the fridge. It wasn’t from use, to try talking to [y/n], when she was that angry. Tomorrow Philip would call him and bring her back into Spencer´s care.

Spencer did as told, Luke driving him to the mansion, telling him that it wasn’t his fault. He then got into the large, empty mansion and grabbed himself a well-deserved beer. Being alone in this big house was depressing. After his third beer he stopped, walking into his room.

He pulled his blue and gold sobriety token, he had gotten for being clean ten years, out of his bag. Thumb rubbing over the golden X in the middle of it. He actually had deserved a twelve year token by now, but since prison didn’t actively attended the meetings anymore, having grown past it. Yet, he still kept the tokens he had, close to him.

They reminded him of his achievement, reminded him to be proud at himself.

Spencer never wanted to fall back into the dark hole he was in, when he was addicted, and even when [y/n] would throw tantrum after childish tantrum, she wouldn’t cause him to relapse. He was stronger than this. Stronger than her.

To be continued...

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[gaemkyuu]

Mommy will you marry Charlie? (Charlie Gillespie x Fictional Character)

Warnings: mention of teenage pregnancy A/N: I was pleasantly surprised at the amount of love “Mommy can we keep him” received. I was originally going to upload the proposal AND the wedding, but I’ve been struggling a bit with the wedding portion. I hope you enjoy the proposal! Disclaimer: This is a FICITONAL writing piece! In no way do I claim characters in this piece act this way in real life.

Masterlist *now taking requests ;)

Mommy will you marry Charlie?

“Hey! Are you ready to go?” Charlie knocked and popped his head into Riley’s ensuite, pausing to take in her beauty. She was dressed in a pretty summer dress and placed a few more bobby pins into her hair, smiling at him in the mirror.

“Just about. Are Owen and Savannah here?” Riley’s answer came at that moment when the doorbell rang. Charlie left the ensuite and headed for the door just as Emerson got to it.

“Emmy, what did we say about answering the door?” Charlie chastised, moving quicker to the door. Emerson slightly pouted knowing he was right and sat on the entryway bench, waiting for Charlie to open the door. “You guys are just in time!” “No thanks to Owen” Savannah scoffed, motioning to the giant behind her.

“I hadn’t eaten yet, I needed My Chick-fil-A, but then I forgot to order some for Emmy, so we had to go back through the drive through” he sighed, showing him the two bags of take out in his hands. “Where is the little stinker?”

“I’m not stinky! I took a bath!” she hopped on the entryway bench and into Savannah’s arms first, Owen dramatically displayed his offense to the toddler.

“How come she gets a hug first?! I brought you Chicken Strips!” Savannah picked her up and balanced her on her hip. “I even convinced the lady to give you two books!”

“Aunty Savannah didn’t call me stinky and knows that I ate supper before you came.” she giggled and shook her head. “Plus, I like the chicken nuggets and not the strips” Owen rolled his eyes and muttered a ‘oh come on’ under his breath, but as soon as Savannah put her down, Emerson gave Owen’s leg a hug.

Riley came to the front door and greeted her friends, thanking them again for being so willing to babysit while they went out for the evening. After Charlie and Emerson’s date, the couple decided that they would go on more family dates as a request from the little girl and Charlie. Riley didn’t think anything of it, but she certainly didn’t want to come between the relationship they were both developing. This was the first time Emerson ever really accepted another man into their lives.

At the young age of 18 and saving enough money, Riley moved out of her mother’s home in Chino Hills to a one bedroom, one bath in downtown LA that was closer to her office. Riley was grateful that her mom agreed to come over to their apartment to babysit Emerson while she was at work as it helped her to save up more money to eventually move into a chic modern home on the outskirts of downtown. She was always so focused on providing for Emerson that she rarely let anyone into her life and when she did, she always had to make sure that they got the seal of approval from Emerson.

There was Nick from the marketing department at Netflix who she thought was cute, but he wasn’t very open to the idea of potentially becoming a dad so early on. Emerson really didn’t like him as she would cry every time he looked at her or moved towards her. That didn’t last more than three weeks.

Then there was Jaime from the grocery store who loved children and really liked Riley, but Emerson didn’t like the fact that Riley made more money than Jaime and warned her mom several times about him, despite her young age. Riley learned her lesson that sometimes four year olds are very perceptive because Jaime asked to borrow money for his rent a month later.

Lastly, there was Greg, a single dad who had twins the same age as Emerson. That didn’t last because the kids would often fight. Emerson thought the children were dumb and immature, while the twins thought Emerson was acting like a weird grown up.

Riley always prioritized Emerson in any decision making process she had, but at her core she felt lonely. She couldn’t tell her daughter this despite her intelligence. She was still a child. What kind of a mother would she be if she vented to her child? But Emerson knew her mom was lonely. She often heard her crying in the pantry and quietly talking on the phone late at night. That’s why when Charlie walked in their lives, she knew she had to play nice for a little while for the sake of her mother. Neither girls expected that Charlie would become such an important piece of their lives.

“Emerson we will be back past your bedtime, so give me kisses now” Riley requested as she hugged her little girl and peppered her with kisses. She giggled and kissed her mother back until she let go. Instinctively, Charlie knelt down too and opened his arms, giving her a quick peck on the head. Emerson gave him a hug back and kissed him on the cheek, the gesture garnering a loud “aw” from Owen, as the girls silently admired the interaction. Charlie rolled his eyes and whispered to Emerson quickly, making her giggle as his breath tickled her ear and neck. 

“You guys should get going so we can start painting Uncle Owen’s nails!” Savannah interrupted, glancing at the time on her phone. “We also get to facetime Uncle Jeremy, Aunty Carolyn and Aunty Madison too!” Emerson got super excited and skipped to her bedroom to grab her “nail kit”, a toy Savannah had bought her last Christmas. With a laugh, the couple headed out the door and off to supper. 

As soon as the door closed, the two friends and Emerson got to work. They were in on the plan and set about decorating their house. Emerson and Charlie had gone to PartyCity a few days ago while Riley was at an executive meeting and picked out a bunch of decorations for his proposal. At first, Charlie was hesitant, but Emerson was absolutely sure her mother said yes. Knowing his past of always being proven wrong by Emerson, he decided to listen to the little girl and follow her lead.

“Remember, mommy had me when she was a kid so she missed out on kid things. Do a bunch of kid things with mommy!” 

That’s what prompted Charlie to take her to Santa Monica. Charlie had made a reservation at a restaurant on the Santa Monica beachfront and the two enjoyed a lovely casual dinner. They talked about projects they were excited about and started ‘people watching’ from their seats, laughing and making silly jokes about the people who passed them by. After dinner, they set out to do “Kid Things” and played games on the pier, settling for mini donuts as dessert and eventually watching the sunset. Charlie tensed for a moment, but quickly relaxed as he felt the small box in his pocket.

“Mommy won’t say yes unless I’m there. She would be too busy thinking about me before she says yes, so ask her at home”

“But what about bedtime?”

“I mean if you say I can stay up, then that should be okay right?”

“You okay? You looked tense for a second” Riley snapped him out of his thoughts, but he was grateful that she shivered because it gave him a chance to change the topic. 

“Yeah, I was just thinking about the sunset in Dieppe. Can’t wait to take you one day. Cold?” he draped his denim jacket over her shoulders, and hugged her from behind. As soon as the glow from the sunset disappeared and the glow of the carnival lights replaced them, Charlie decided that instead of walking on the beach, they would go home and watch a movie on the couch. They spent the drive back to Riley’s place in a comfortable silence with the radio gently playing music. Charlie started to feel more excited and antsy the closer they got to her place. Before exiting the car, he held her hand in his and kissed the back of it. “I love you, you know that?” Riley smiled, nodded and kissed him on the lips. Charlie raced her to the door, knowing full well that he would beat her to it, but that didn’t stop Riley from trying. They stumbled through the entry a fit of giggles and laughter, but Riley stumbled on a pair of shoes. 

“Charlie! I told you to... put your shoes...away?” she became more confused as she stared at the pair. They weren’t Owen’s, Charlie’s, Savannah’s or Emmerson’s. Who could be in their house? She looked up to see Charlie nowhere in sight and began to worry. “Char, this isn’t funny. This is like the scene from a horror movie” she quickly shed her shoes and walked down the corridor to the living room. She didn’t expect to see her mother, Charlie’s mom and their closest friends standing behind Charlie and Emerson with excited looks on their faces. To add to her confusion, they held party poppers and noise makers, while a giant Congratulations banner decorated her living room. She heard Emerson clear her throat and Charlie stood proudly beside her.

“Dear mommy, I stayed up past my bedtime because Charlie said I had to” everyone in the room laughed at this, as Emerson continued to read from the piece of paper in her hands. 

“Mommy, you work so hard to give me the best life and the best toys. Sometimes I wonder how I can give you the best life and the best toys, but adults don’t play with toys. I asked aunty Carolyn why she was so happy with uncle Jeremy, and she said it was because she gets to be with uncle Jeremy forever” Carolyn wiped the tear that had formed in her eyes. 

“I asked uncle Owen why aunty Carolyn and uncle Jeremy got to be together forever, and that’s when uncle Owen said it was because they were married.” She took a deep breath and lost her place on her paper. Charlie peaked over and pointed to where she needed to keep reading from. 

“Oh, right. When I asked you were getting married, you told me never and that it was a rude question, but I think that was because you had a bad day at work” despite the teary eyes, her comment made everyone laugh. 

“So I asked Charlie to go on a date with me and ask him when he would marry you” Riley gasped as Charlie pulled out the box with the ring, getting down on one knee. “I know Charlie makes you happy and I think you should be together forever. Charlie has a question for you and the answer is yes.”

“Riley King, I love you and I love Emerson. I can’t think of anyone I want to spend the rest of my life with. You and Emerson are my family now, so let’s make it official” Charlie winked at Emerson who put her paper down and also got onto one knee beside Charlie.

“Mommy, will you marry Charlie?” Riley was crying full tears at this point listening to her daughter’s words, but she nodded and whispered a yes. Everyone erupted in a cheer and the party poppers went off as he put the ring on her finger, kissing her and picking up Emerson. “You did so good, Emmy!”

“You’re gonna be my daddy!!!” Emerson exclaimed, full of excitement and squeezing Charlie. 

Riley wiped her tears and kissed her daughter on the cheek, truly speechless. Everyone came around to congratulate them, Savannah, Madison, and Carolyn all wanting to see the ring first and then hugs. She was on cloud nine, still not able to understand how this was all being planned behind her back. “Is that why you volunteered to babysit?” Savannah nodded her head sheepishly and hugged her friend. Charlie’s mother gave her a big hug congratulating her on their engagement expressing her excitement to have another daughter in law, while Riley’s mother hugged Charlie, crying happy tears. The rest of the evening was spent enjoying everyone’s company that the couple lost track of time. By the time they said goodbye to Owen, the last to leave, Emerson had fallen asleep on the couch. 

“You mean to tell me, you planned this entire thing with my daughter behind my back?” Charlie smiled and nodded, picking the little girl up from the couch, careful not to wake her up. “I mean, I am touched, but I’m also afraid of what else you two are capable of doing”

“Just wait til you hear her ideas for the wedding.” Charlie chuckled as they headed to her room to tuck her in for the night. He put the little girl into bed and Riley watched the whole scene from the doorway, tears coming to her eyes as it finally sank in that this was her family. Emerson stirred and shifted around, uncomfortable all of a sudden. Charlie cooed at her and assured that she was fine, humming softly to her, something that he often used since the first night he helped her through a nightmare.

“G’night daddy” she mumbled in her sleepy daze, settling back to sleep. Charlie was taken off guard as the new title fell from her mouth. He felt his heart explode and wiped a tear that fell from his eyes.

“Sleep tight Princess” he sniffled, clearing his throat and kissing the top of her head. He pulled another blanket over her frame as she often got cold in the middle of the night. It amazed Riley how much Charlie knew of her daughter despite the amount of time he had been present in their lives. They softly shut the door behind them and walked hand in hand to their room. “Planning the wedding is going to be fun”

“I was thinking we do it in Dieppe or Moncton” Riley suggested, something to which Charlie lit up at. He looked at her with wide eyes in disbelief.

“If you’re pulling an Emerson on me right now, I’m going to be so mad” they had come up with the term ‘pulling an Emerson’ to describe the sarcasm they often received from the little girl. But Charlie became overjoyed as Riley bit her lip and shook her head, confirming that she did in fact want to get married in his hometown.

“We start planning tomorrow”

A/N: if you really want a wedding scene or a glimpse of life after the wedding let me know!

[fefipranon]

Rivamika Fic Preview

Topic: Mikasa, a hardcore feminist, kidnapped by Levi, the leader of one of the most powerful gangs and who is the book definition of a dick.

Mikasa Point of View (P.O.V.)

Here I am, another restless night. Turning on my bed like a hamburger patty being flipped on a grill, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep. I can hear birds chirping outside so it's probably already morning but my thick light-blocking curtains make my room look as dark as night. Whoever invented those, has a special place in my lazy heart.

I started hearing shuffling sounds outside the door of my room. These two have no sense of self-preservation, I thought. My two roommates, Eren and Armin, have been living with me for a year now. I met them ten years ago, starting my teenage years, a tragic event brought us together. Since 'that event', Eren's parents took me in as their own and he introduced me to Armin, his best friend since childhood.

We are inseparable, even now as adults. Even though Armin works as an accountant for a law firm, I work as a Computer Engineer for the CIA, and Eren works as a veterinarian, when we are together, we still act like silly kids. I love them like siblings love each other, which means that we also fight like siblings, and right now they are breaking a golden rule.

You see, I love them. I would give my life without a second thought for them, but, there is something I love more: my bed. I can be a charming and decent person, AFTER my morning coffee, and AFTER I wake up on my own. If anyone dares to wake me up from my precious sleep, there will be hell to pay. I am not a morning person, who is it really? Those who said they are, are not to be trusted, they are probably psychopaths and serial killers. I also don't trust people that don't like cheese, how could you not like cheese?! They are probably part of those reptilian people that conspiracy theories warn you about from alien abductions and shit.

I heard Armin's voice, "Are you sure you want to do this?"

I walked to the door to better listen to their conversation.

"She promised to join us for our traditional 'Sunday pancakes' today since she has failed to wake up early for the last four Sundays in a row! It's her fault!", Eren said.

"You know she is not a morning person! She will kill both of us!", Armin said.

I saw the bolt of the door shaking. Eren was clearly picking the lock from my room. He really has a death wish. I stared around my room looking for ideas on how to greet him, and my eyes landed on my hamper which was almost full of my dirty clothes. I walked to it and grabbed two dirty socks and rolled them together in a ball.

"You can still run away and save yourself.", Eren said.

"I will just stay out of her room, and watch how she kills you while eating popcorn then."

No Armin, you are going to get it too since you are not stopping him, I thought. Then, I heard the beep sound from the microwave. He really made popcorn, unbelievable. I rested my back against the wall next to my door, waiting for their intrusion.

"Do you even know how to pick a lock?", Armin asked.

"I've seen it in movies, they open everything with bobby pins on those spy movies so, how hard can it be?", Eren said.

I pinched the bridge of my nose thinking, he can't be serious. But knowing the bastard, he probably was, and I didn't have the patience to wait for him to finally open my door. So I opened it myself.

He looked at me in shock and said, "Mika-"

But I cut him short by shoving to his open mouth the ball of dirty socks. Armin was on the way to the microwave and yelped at the sight of Eren spitting the dirty socks from his mouth and coughing. I gave him a death stare and yelled:

"You are next!"

"Fuck no!", He yelled as he ran to his room with me running behind him.

He got into his room and closed the door before I could get to him.

With a sing-song voice, I said, "Oh, Armiiin, open the door now and I might forgive youuu."

"Bullshit! I will only open the door after you have your morning coffee!"

Suddenly, the smell of popcorn hit my nose making me smile. Armin never got to get his popcorn out of the microwave. He and I have this unhealthy addiction to popcorn for years now. I mean, who doesn't like popcorn? Those are other types of people I don't trust.

I walked to the microwave and took the popcorn out. I grabbed a fan and pointed it directly to the door of his room. I opened the bag and started eating in front of the fan. He will smell it eventually.

"That's a low blow, stinky feet!", Eren said.

"Is that!? Are you eating MY popcorn!!?", Armin shouted.

"Mmm delicious and extra buttery. Thanks for making popcorn for ME, you are so considerate. You shouldn't have-", I was cut short by Armin slamming his door open and running towards me.

I started running away but he tackled me, making me drop the bag causing the popcorn to fly out, "Give me back my popcorn you thief!", he shouted.

"Did you stuck your socks inside somebody's ass?! This smell is not human!", Eren shouted.

Ignoring Eren, I shouted to Armin, "No! I'll take it as a peace offering apology from you two for waking me up!", while we both struggled to get the bag making a mess of popcorn all around the apartment in the process.

Armin managed to run away while Eren grabbed me and tried to get the dirty socks into my mouth when someone knocked at our door.

We all froze, Armin stared at both of us and asked, "Are any of you expecting someone?"

We both shook our heads in response. I ran to my room to get my gun, Eren did the same while Armin watched the door and grabbed the gun we stored in the kitchen for emergencies.

I immediately started thinking of all the possible threats that could be behind our front door. This is all Eren's fault, I thought.

You see... I was deemed a 'child prodigy' at a young age. I started college at the age of 12, my studies were disrupted for a couple of years when 'that event' happened. Later I resumed my studies and by the age of 18, I already had a bachelor's degree in computer engineering. I joined a couple of hacktivist groups and helped them with the usual stuff: DDoS attacks to government websites, machine learning algorithms to find patterns in social media of government bot accounts, you know, the usual stuff.

One day Eren challenged me to hack into the CIA so I started with a social media scan looking for stupid people that post their work information, I just needed someone with access to the building. In summary, after finding a few victims I did a MITM attack on their phones and computers. From there I got access to the network, installed a backdoor, and had access to everything. I did a similar process to gain access to other intelligence agencies' networks from different countries.

Since we were broke at the time, I did ransomware of the data but instead of money, I asked for a job and immunity for the crime. I also sent them part of a list of vulnerabilities in their system and told them that if they wanted the full list they had to comply with my demands. Since I was already deep in trouble I decided to also give them evidence of the access I gained to other countries' intelligence networks. Not even an hour passed by, and they were already begging me to take the job.

Thinking of who could be behind my front door right now, I thought about the time I got access to the Russian 'Federal Security Service' agency and replaced their data with, well, some 'not-so-innocent' pictures. I think Putin hates me. There is also what I did to the North Korean Reconnaissance General Bureau agency... I think Fluffy Kim hates me too.

None of it would've happened if Eren didn't challenge me in the first place! It's completely his fault!

I got out of my train of thought when we were back at the door and Eren asked us, "Ready?"

We nodded in response, and Eren slowly opened the door.

He quickly pointed the gun at the unexpected visitor who was... An innocent girl scout who was trying to sell cookies.

The kid yelped scared, but Eren quickly hid the gun and said, "Oh, we don't want cookies."

"I want cookies!", I protested and pushed Eren away from the door.

"Order for me too!", Armin said.

Author P.O.V.

After getting their girl scouts cookies, Eren started making pancakes while Armin and Mikasa sat in seat stools behind the small kitchen island facing him. They had popcorn on their messy hair, and on their clothes. "You two better clean the mess you made!", Eren shouted.

"It was Armin's fault!", Mikasa shouted while Armin gave her a death stare.

Eren started to stick his tongue out while making disgusted faces.

"What's the problem Eren? Are you having a stroke?", Mikasa said teasingly.

"For fucks sake Mikasa! I have washed my mouth around five times already and I can still smell your stinky socks! Those things are a hazard!", Eren said while walking away to the bathroom to wash his mouth again.

"The pancakes are going to burn!", Mikasa shouted.

"You take care of them, stinky feet! I am on my way to drink some bleach!", Eren shouted back.

Mikasa rolled her eyes and walked to the stove while Armin stood up to turn on the television. While flipping the pancakes Mikasa took a look at her phone notifications and messages. She started looking through the messages from her girlfriend's group chat:

Sasha: OMG! I just saw the cutest guy ever!

Annie: Did you banged it already? 👉👌🍆

Sasha: I wish! I don't even know how to talk to him yet!

Christa: Where did you saw him?

Sasha: He works at a new bookstore that opened near my apartment.

Christa: Did you tried to talk to him somehow? Or just stared at him like a mentally unstable stalker?

Sasha: Well, I asked for book recommendations, he started asking me about what I liked so he could give me a more accurate one but the dick of his boss cut him off telling him to go back to the cash register.

Annie: Maybe we should meet up for lunch to come up with a plan.

Ymir: I just saw that I have new messages. I tried to read them all but my lazy ass just read 'cute guy' and 'bang it already' and skipped to the end. I am up for lunch and the 'banging plan'. Speaking of people in need of banging, @Mikasa wake your ass and join us!

Annie: 😂😂

Mikasa rolled her eyes and replied:

Mikasa: I am awake, count me in for lunch, and the 'banging plan'.

Christa: Girls, call the police, that is not Mikasa, that's an impostor! There is no way that woman is awake this early!

Mikasa sighed and typed,

Mikasa: Eren woke me up, putting his life on the line.

Suddenly Eren's phone made the sound of a new message notification. Mikasa rolled her eyes and thought, here we go.

Eren grabbed his phone, unlocked it, stared at his messages, and started laughing. "Sasha just asked me if you are okay because you are awake. She wants to know if it's really you before calling the police. She also wants to know if I am still alive."

"Hey guys check this out.", Armin said while turning up the volume of the TV.

The news was on. Mikasa served the pancakes on the plates. She took two of the plates and gave one to Armin while sitting next to him. Eren grabbed his plate and sat next to Mikasa. The three of them were seated on the sofa in front of the TV watching the news.

Breaking News:

'We are reporting live outside of Mitra's bank. Just moments ago, criminals robbed the bank and took three hostages with them. The police are tracking their whereabouts at the moment, avoid the area. The perpetrators' identity has been confirmed as the gang that calls themselves "The Scorpions". They are commonly identified with a Scorpion tattoo on their necks, reach out to the police if you see anyone suspicious.'

"These guys again, they piss me off.", Mikasa said.

"They are the same ones that robbed one of the stores of the mall right?", Armin asked.

"Yes, those assholes take hostages with them but they end up always killing them.", Eren said.

"That's the gang that posts the videos about they killing the hostages like is some sort of sick hunting game?", Armin asked.

"Yes, they take the victim to a secluded wood area and tell the victim to run, after a minute or so they run after the victim to kill it, recording the whole thing.", Eren said.

"That's sick.", Mikasa said.

"That's why they are one of the most feared and powerful gangs around.", Eren said.

"It doesn't make sense, the tattoo I mean, who would be so stupid to get a tattoo that clearly dictates that you are a criminal? Why have the police not caught them yet if they have a fucking mark on their necks screaming I'm the killer?", Mikasa said.

Suddenly Eren's phone made the notification sound again. "Oi, Mikasa, Dad wants to meet with us today for dinner, he is in the area."

"Tell him to pick us up then.", Mikasa replied.

-----

Mikasa P.O.V.

I arrived at the restaurant where the girls planned to meet for lunch. As I was walking from the parking area to the restaurant I felt the unease sensation that someone was following me. I've been feeling this for two weeks now. Even though I have gained many enemies by my hacking 'activities', and I joke about Putin or someone else knocking on my door, the reality is that it's highly unlikely that they know my identity. I didn't use my network, on top of it I used nested VPNs mixed with virtual machines with an eastern VPN added on top. Even though the probability of them knowing my identity is almost zero, my job provided me with an apartment in the most secured area in town plus extra police patrols around the building. But, of course, you can never be too cautious, so I always assumed the worst.

I took my phone out and texted my boss: "Activating precaution protocol."

Almost instantly he replied: "I will be on the lookout."

My boss, Pixis, has been very overprotective of me since I started working for the CIA. Since the first day that I arrived at the office and introduced myself, he personally asked to work with me. He was impressed by the stunt I pulled and introduced me to everyone on his team like I was some sort of Messiah sent by Thor itself from the land of Narnia. But not everyone reacted the same way he did when he saw me. It seemed like I wasn't what they were expecting to see since I do not fulfill the stereotype of a programmer. I am not a gamer, I am a ballerina, and what seems to be the worst of all to them is that I am a woman.

The biggest fear of a male chauvinist pig is a woman with confidence having success on a field dominated by men. When will they understand that women can do everything men do while even wearing high heels?

Ever since college, I've heard crap like:

"She probably slept her way in."

"Too pretty to be a programmer."

"A woman in my team? She will probably end up making us do all her work."

"She will probably need to be trained in the most basic crap. She doesn't look like she even knows how to do basic programming."

It's exhausting being a woman, why do we have to put double the effort to at least be noticed or recognized? When will they stop calling us 'emotional' or 'bossy', and start calling us instead 'passionate' and 'leaders'? We intimidate them because they can't control us and they know we have the potential to kick their asses.

I was snapped out of my mental rant when I received another text message from my boss: "Location received. As always, call me if you need to talk."

Good, from now on, until I turn it off, my boss will have a constant live feed of my location using my phone's GPS. Also, in case of emergency, I only have to press twice my phone's power button and in a matter of minutes the police, FBI, and the SWAT team will arrive at my location ready to get rid of any threat.

I can relax now, I thought as I opened the door of the restaurant and met my friends.

"Mikasa! We are here!", Sasha shouted while shaking an arm up to get my attention.

I sat at the table and grabbed the menu, the waiter was already taking the orders so I ordered the first thing I saw that was to my liking. Then I took out from my purse a box of girl scout cookies that I bought for Sasha and gave it to her.

She yelped excitedly and said, "This is why I love you!" while hugging the box.

"So, we've been booked for three schools next week.", Christa said.

Christa was referring to a feminist organization we all created that focuses on motivating girls to pursue a college degree, especially in fields dominated by men.

"I think that it's the most we've had in a week so far!", I said.

"Yes, people are helping by sharing our social media accounts. I have messages of people who want to join us.", Ymir said.

"We should hold a meeting for newcomers, we are going to need more people eventually anyways.", I said, and Ymir nodded.

"So Sasha, what do you have in mind so far to talk to your cute guy?", Annie asked.

"I have no idea, someone needs to distract the manager of the library so he doesn't interrupt us again.", Sasha said.

"Who volunteers as a tribute?", Ymir asked.

"Is the manager at least cute?", Annie asked.

"He was hot but had this unapproachable vibe, and on top of that, a jerk.", Sasha said.

"In that case, I offer Mikasa as a tribute.", Annie said.

"What!? Why me?!", I shouted.

"Because you never get intimidated or scared, and you always speak your mind. That personality is the greatest weakness of self-absorbed jerks.", Annie said.

I stared at her in disbelief while Sasha yelped excited looking at her cellphone.

"Girls! The package arrived! Just received the amazon notification.", Sasha said.

All of them gave me a devilish smile, confusing me, I asked, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Mikasa, this is an intervention.", Christa said with a serious tone.

"We've noticed that you've been grumpier than usual. We also know that you haven't, well, how do I put this?", Ymir said.

"You haven't had a good fuck in a while!", Annie shouted.

I wanted the earth to swallow me whole right there. Annie said that a little too loud for my liking.

"Where are you going with this?", I asked.

"Well, we bought you a little something to help you deal with, you know, the grumpiness. It just arrived at your door.", Sasha said.

"Are you crazy! You know I live with Eren and Armin!", I said.

"Come on is just a package in your name, they are not going to open it.", Annie said.

"You definitely don't know Eren.", I said in disbelief.

When we finished eating I rushed to my car and drove as fast as I could to my apartment. I ran to the elevator and then ran to my apartment's door. The package wasn't there. I panicked and opened the door and saw Eren about to open it. I ran and tackled him making us both fall to the floor.

"What the fuck Mikasa!", He shouted.

"Why were you trying to open MY package?!", I shouted back.

"Because it could be something dangerous sent from one of your enemies, like Fluffy Kim for example.", Eren said.

"Why would Fluffy Kim send me something life-threatening via AMAZON!?"

"I don't know! Amazon sells some weird shit and they ship from all around the world, I am pretty sure North Korea is included."

I gave him a death stare, snatched the package, and went to my room closing the door behind me.

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. I opened the package and found the box of a pink glow-in-the-dark vibrator. I grabbed my phone and wrote in the group chat:

Mikasa: Got the 'package'.

I put the phone down and opened the box. The thing brought batteries and had a little plastic paper that said, "pull here". I think is to protect the device from direct contact with the batteries, I thought.

I pulled the damned paper and the thing started having an epileptic attack. That thing had a demon inside and I didn't know how to do a fucking exorcism! Scared of it, I screamed and dropped it to the floor.

Apparently, Eren heard my scream because he shouted, "I knew it! I am not letting you kill her Fluffy Kim!" while slamming open the door of my room.

I panicked and jumped on top of the frantic thing that looked like it was break dancing on the floor, to hide it.

"What happened?!", Eren asked me.

"Nothing! Get out!", I shouted, trying to stop the damned thing from moving. It felt like I was riding one of those mechanic bulls.

"You screamed! Something happened!!", Eren shouted worriedly.

"What's all the fuss about?", Armin appeared.

"Fluffy Kim sent something dangerous from Amazon to Mikasa!", Eren shouted.

"Fluffy Kim didn't send me shit! Get out!", I said giving a pleading look to Armin.

He got my message and pulled Eren by the back of his shirt, out of my room, and closed the door. I took a deep breath and found the button to turn that demonic thing off. I checked my phone again and read the messages:

Sasha: Yay! You have to name it!

Annie: She's right! Put a name on it!

Mikasa: The thing tried to kill me! I literally just pulled out a piece of paper from it and the thing started to have a panic attack!

Annie: 😂😂

Christa: You can control the intensity, check the instructions! But first, name it!

Ymir: It has to be a sexy name.

I rolled my eyes knowing that they won't drop the subject until I give the thing a name.

Mikasa: Any suggestions?

Sasha: Just think of something that turns you on. 🔥🔥

Something that turns me on, something sexy, I thought as my mind went blank. I started looking around my room. I had a stack of letters and spam stacked on top of my nightstand. I sighed and went through it, I stopped at a promotional flyer for men's underwear. It had a couple of men modeling the underwear. This could work, I thought.

Mikasa: I found a flyer of men's underwear, the models are kind of hot.

Annie: You are messing with us right? 🤦

Sasha: Hold on, she might be onto something. What's the name of the brand?

Mikasa: Levi's, I like it, I will call it Levi.

Christa: 🥳🥳 Now, it's time to let Levi give you a good time!! 🥳

Mikasa: 🤦

I put my phone down and stared at, well, the Levi thing. I still have a couple of hours until dinner, how do I start? Porn? I thought making my mind go into another rant.

Another industry dominated by men, made for men: the porn industry. They try to sell a ridiculous idea of what 'good' sex is supposed to be. They show a man sticking his penis in a woman's vagina with little to no foreplay time. After that, they start going ridiculously fast, like the world is about to end, and start changing the poor woman to different positions like she is some kind of rag doll. They do all of this while ignoring the most important thing: the clitoris. If the poor thing could talk it would scream something around the lines of:

"I'm fucking bored dude!"

"She is faking it!"

"Feeling nothing bro!"

"If I would describe this whole experience with you, I would use the forever-alone meme!"

I locked the door and grabbed the thing, "Let's see, please don't kill me."

-----2 hours later-----

Mikasa: Levi, oooooh Leviiiii!!!!

Annie: 😂😂

Sasha: 🥳🥳🍆🍆🥳🥳

Christa: 😎🔥

Ymir: 💥💦

--------

Author P.O.V.

"Mikasa, are you ready? Dad is already here!", Eren shouted.

"Yes!", Mikasa said, opening the door of her room ready to go.

"Well, someone is in a good mood.", Eren said while raising a brow.

Ignoring his comment Mikasa said, "Let's go, we don't want to make Grisha wait."

"You are right, Dad has texted me like 5 times already since he arrived.", Eren answered.

They took the elevator down and walked by the building lobby. Eren looked at the security guard and said, "That's a new guard right?"

"Yes, he arrived around two weeks ago.", Mikasa responded.

They went out of the building where Grisha, Eren's dad, was waiting for them inside his car.

"We have to make a quick stop at the bank first.", Grisha said.

Mikasa groaned in protest and said, "You know that nowadays you can do mostly all bank stuff through the internet right? I can teach you."

"I need to speak with a manager, is an account that locked me out and they told me to go to the bank directly. It will be quick.", Grisha explained.

"Why do old people avoid using technology?", Mikasa whispered to Eren.

"I heard that!", Grisha said.

They arrived at the bank and Grisha took a piece of paper and started to fill it out with his account information. He told Mikasa and Eren to start making the line for him. He finished filling up his account information and walked to the spot they were in the line.

"I'm hungry, they look like the Zootopia sloths.", Eren said looking at the bank employees.

Suddenly, a loud sound was heard that shook the whole building. Grisha jumped on top of Mikasa and Eren throwing them to the floor. Smoke was coming from everywhere. A huge truck had collided with the bank's main entrance, making a hole. In an instant, a bunch of men with guns, wearing hoodies, and a clown mask entered the building.

"Hands up! And sit on the floor now!", one of them commanded.

Mikasa P.O.V.

Grisha sat on the floor hugging me, and Eren sat in front of me protectively. A couple of the men grabbed an employee and went through a door. After a minute they started going out with black bags. I remembered that I still had my GPS location shared with my boss since lunch. I grabbed my phone and double-clicked the power button, it was programmed to send a high-priority emergency signal to different agencies. I hid my cellphone, pinching it with the inside border of my jeans and pulling my shirt over it. At that moment, one of the men was walking in front of all of us. He was staring at each one of us on the floor.

Eren was covering me with his body when the man said, "You, move!", to him.

Trying to still cover me Eren asked, "Where?"

The man moved closer to him and said, "To the side, now!", and pointed the gun at his head.

Eren hesitated for a moment but then he moved. I was looking to the floor avoiding the man's gaze, hoping that it had the same effect as when a teacher asks a question in a classroom and you avoid making eye contact in hope that he doesn't pick you to answer.

I saw him with the corner of my eye as he lowered the gun and tilted his head. It seemed as he was confused for a moment.

Grisha tightened his hold on me and I saw the man pointing his gun again.

"You!", he said.

I felt a cold metal being pressed against my forehead. When I lifted my gaze I was staring down the barrel of a Walter Q5 Match Semi-auto pistol, held by a man who had... a scorpion tattoo on his neck and grey eyes.

"You are coming with me."

-----------

Want to know what happens next? Check the rest of the story here: 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27557422/chapters/67401547

or in Wattpad:

https://www.wattpad.com/980985373-saved-by-deception-encounter

[scripts4dreamers]

Just One Drink

Part Two, Part Three

AN: Cases at the BAU wear on you after a while Characters: Spencer Reid Pairings: Spencer Reid x reader Spoilers: None Warnings: Mentions of crime and violence

Prompt: “We’re in this together.”

(Do I want to write a part two for this? Maybe. Do I love Spencer Reid and the Criminal Minds bunch in general with all my heart? Most definitely. So feel free to send in requests!)

------------------

You sighed, collapsing into the chair by your desk and burying your face in your hands. It had been a long week. Three missing kids, one crazed killer and less than 72 hours to get them back alive; just another week for the BAU. You tried to remember that you’d signed up for this, that you loved what you did and the people you did it with, and that you had managed to save the kids in the end, but your tired brain didn’t care. Right then, all you really wanted was a mug of hot chocolate and to curl up on your couch with a good book.

“Hey, you okay?” you heard someone ask.

You lifted your head slightly and noticed Spencer Reid had appeared beside your desk without you noticing. He was leaning against the divider you’d set up and was trying to look casual and failing miserably. Spencer had been a part of the BAU for a lot longer than you had and he was a bit of a legend in the Bureau but, for some reason, he always seemed nervous around you. He was nice, of course, and clever, and you enjoyed spending time with him but it took a lot for him to seem properly at ease whenever you were nearby and, right now, you were too tired to want to play nice with anybody.

Maybe it was because you were new, you reasoned, maybe he just wasn’t good at adapting to changes in the team dynamic. Still, he was obviously trying, so you forced yourself to give him a small smile and nod.

“Yeah, I’m all good, just tired.” you answered.

Spencer nodded, like he understood, and pulled up a chair, “I was the same when I’d just joined, every case took the life right out of me. You’ll get used to it.”

“I hope so,” you sighed, resting your head in your hands again, “because there’s no way I can keep going on like this.”

For a long moment there was just silence, until he cleared his throat and asked, “Do you wanna talk about it?”

Your head shot up and you tried to hide the flash of confusion on your face, “Wait, really?”

“Yeah,” Spencer laughed nervously, “contrary to popular belief I’m actually a really great listener.”

“And humble too,” you joked.

“Oh exceedingly so,” he joked back, rising out of his seat, “come on, let’s go get a drink and I’ll prove it to you.”

You considered for a moment. On the one hand, you desperately wanted to get out of the office and remember what it felt like to not be miserable, and you’d been secretly crushing on Spencer since your first day at the BAU, on the other…

You shook your head, “I should stay, I’ve got so much paperwork to get done for this case and-”

Spencer rolled his eyes fondly, reaching down and pulling you to your feet, “And it’ll still be there on Monday,” he interrupted, “Come on, Y/N. I’ll help you with whatever you need later.”

Your heart jumped into your throat at the feeling of his fingers wrapped around your wrist, and you felt a lick of heat run up your neck. It was unfair for a skinny white boy who could describe the plot of every star trek episode ever made in detail to be as attractive as Spencer Reid was. You didn’t know if it was the hair, or his cheekbones, or the way he smiled but, whatever it was, you were a sucker for it so you let yourself get pulled up.

“Okay, Reid, but I’m holding you to that. If I’ve forgotten even one important detail that messes this report up-”

“Y/N, I have an eidetic memory. The report will be perfect,” he smiled, letting your wrist drop and scooping up your bag, “let’s go then, I know the perfect place.”

----------------------

The bar Spencer took you to was small and cozy; busy enough that you could blend in to the crowd without being so loud that it became overwhelming. The drinks weren’t cheap, but they were good, and the booth you’d tucked yourselves into was comfortable and out of the way so you could talk freely. Spencer loved it there. He’d been coming to that bar since he’d first joined the BAU and, even though a bar wouldn’t usually be his first choice for a happy place, this one was packed to the brim with happy memories.

Across from him, you were sipping your second whiskey sour in silence, casting nervous glances up at Spencer every few seconds. Something was definitely wrong. It wasn’t just the dark circles under your eyes that worried him, or the way you never really sat still, constantly glancing around the room and over your shoulder, it was everything. Usually you were so...alive at work. You’d joke around with Morgan, swap stories with Prentiss, brazenly flirt with Hotch and Rossi until they’d crack and give you a smile. In every situation you made a point to add value, whether that be by making a poignant connection during a case or just sliding the perfect cup of coffee Spencer’s way without him having to ask for it. But now things were different. It had been happening bit by bit, too slowly for some of the others to notice but, after this last case, it was impossible for Spencer to ignore. You didn’t laugh anymore, or joke or flirt. You still made amazing points, still worked harder than anyone asked you to, but now it seemed like it weighed you down, like every new case chipped just a little bit more of you away. It hurt to watch.

“Y/N, you know it’s okay to struggle with this stuff, right?” Spencer eventually said. He wasn’t exactly the king of knowing what to say but he felt like he owed it to you to try. After all, when he was new he’d had Gideon to help him through it, “You don’t have to be alright right away.”

“You are,” you replied softly, meeting his eye briefly.

Spencer snorted and shook his head, “Me? The recovering drug addict? Yeah, I’m definitely the poster-child for healthy coping mechanisms.”

You chuckled and then looked up, horrified, “I didn’t mean to laugh at the whole addiction thing.”

“I know, Y/N/N,” he smiled, “but you’re allowed to. I was making a joke after all.”

“Really? I couldn’t tell,” you teased gently, leaning back in your seat.

Your shoulders were untensed now, Spencer noticed, and you were fiddling less and he breathed an inward sigh of relief. You were relaxing.

“Yeah, Morgan says I’ve gotta work on my delivery more,” Spencer said.

“Smart man, Morgan.” you countered.

Spencer smiled, “But seriously, Y/N, if you want to talk-” he lapsed into silence, holding your gaze as he let his offer hand in the air.

You watched Spencer for a moment, that piercing look in your eye that always made him feel unsteady, like you were seeing right through him. You weren’t profiling, he knew that, but you were definitely trying to figure him out. Eventually you sighed, seemingly resigning yourself to your fate, and nodded slowly.

“I just-” you started, “I didn’t know it would feel like this,” you blinked quickly, probably trying to stave off tears, “all the worry just-it just eats away at me and I can’t do anything about it.” You paused, sniffing, before taking a deep breath and continuing, “And it’s never enough, you know? We do everything we can but it’s just never enough and the cases keep coming and coming and all these people keep dying and dying and there’s nothing we can do to stop it. We’re the best people for the job and we still spend 80% of our time playing catch up to these guys,” you shook your head again, “it just messes with my head.”

Spencer felt his heart pinch in his chest, affection rushing through him so fast that he didn’t know what to make of it.

He leaned forward, holding your gaze and said, “Of course it does, we spend most of our day trying to think like some of the most disturbed and dangerous people in the country. Honestly, I’d be more worried if you weren’t struggling with it.” Spencer assured you, “Our job is really really fucking hard, okay? It’s rewarding, but it takes its toll on all of us eventually. What’s important is to remember that you’re not doing this on your own, I’ve got your back-we’ve got your back, the whole team.” He hesitated for a moment, before leaning forward and covering your hand with his own, “We’re in this together, no matter what happens.”

For a long while you just looked at one another, something like gratitude glimmering in your eyes as you squeezed Spencer’s hand. His skin felt warm where it met yours and he softly let his thumb glance along the inside of your wrist.

You were beautiful, Spencer noticed, but not in the way he expected. Objectively speaking you were an attractive person, of course, he’d have to be blind to miss that, but there was something more. Just being pretty generally wasn’t enough to make Spencer’s heart race like it did around you, it wasn’t enough to make him want to reach out and touch, to make Spencer so desperate to spend time with you that he dragged you to a bar he loved on the off chance he’d get you to smile. Just being pretty wasn’t enough to explain why Spencer felt the way he did, it had always been more than that.

You nodded, quickly wiping your cheeks and giving Spencer a small smile as you gently detangled your hand from his. His heart sunk, just a little bit, at the loss of contact, but he made sure to keep his face neutral.

“How are you so good at this, doctor Reid?” you asked.

I’ve been practicing what I wanted to say for nearly two weeks now, Spencer thought.

He shrugged, “It’s just the truth, Y/N, that’s all.”

You nodded and lapsed into what seemed like a thoughtful silence.

“Hey, Reid?” You eventually asked, sounding almost nervous.

“Yeah?” he answered.

“Why do you call me Y/N?”

Spencer frowned, suddenly confused, “That’s your name. Is there something wrong with how I say it?”

“No, no you say it perfectly,” you assured him, “it’s just, you don’t call anyone else in the team by their first name. Just me.”

He opened his mouth to say that that was ridiculous, but stopped just before the words left his mouth. You were right.

“Um,” Spencer started, a lick of anxiety flaring up in his stomach, “I don’t-I don’t know, really. Guess I never thought about it. You want another drink?” He took the opportunity to stand up and walk to the bar, returning your empty glasses and ordering two fresh drinks.

He needed a minute to figure out where his head was. He felt unsettled, like maybe something about the way you’d looked at him had struck a nerve. He knew how suspicious he’d sounded just then, like he was hiding something. He knew he had to have a better answer, otherwise you’d just come to your own conclusion and, judging by how good of a profiler you were, you’d probably come to the right one.

Fuck. When he’d invited you out for a drink Spencer had just wanted to make you smile, maybe take a little of the load off your shoulders. He’d never meant to make it so personal, such an obvious declaration of his feelings, but he had. It may have seemed small to call someone by their first name in your line of work, but you both knew different. It signaled intimacy, care, trust. It meant that he felt something for you, something different than what he felt for other members of the team. He had to be smart about this. There were rules against agents fraternizing with other agents, guidelines that had to be followed, boundaries that had to stay in place to preserve the team. Beyond that there was the fact that you were new, he didn’t know you well enough to say for sure how you felt about him, whether there was even a possibility of his feelings being reciprocated, and the fact that he didn’t even really know what his feelings were.

He admired you, he thought you were smart and resourceful, funny, sweet, tough as nails, he liked being around you. He liked you, but that didn’t have to mean anything. He’d liked tons of women in his time, some of them had liked him back, most hadn’t. But the name, the name meant something, it had to.

The bartender handed him the drinks and, reluctantly, Spencer made his way back to the table. You were watching him, somewhere between nervous and expectant, and Reid felt a familiar rush of fondness shoot through him. He collapsed onto the seat across from you, handing you the drink with a small smile.

“Whiskey sour,” he commented, trying to break the tension, “often considered a more masculine drink due to the presence of whiskey and egg-white.”

“Drinks shouldn’t be gendered,” you answered, taking a sip, “and by the way, if there’s egg-white it’s called a Boston sour.”

“Are you from Boston?” He asked.

You shook your head, “Nope.”

“Oh.”

The silence wasn’t uncomfortable exactly, just expectant. Spencer knew instinctively that, if he wanted, he could just avoid the topic completely. You wouldn’t push him. You would leave the bar together, say goodnight, and life would continue on like nothing had happened, but something about that felt inauthentic, like he’d be lying to you somehow, and he respected you too much for that. So he settled on part of the truth

“I call you by your first name because I care about you,” he eventually said, “I-uh-I feel….protective over you, I-” he cleared his throat, “you’re important to me. I didn’t-if it makes you uncomfortable I can call you Y/L/N.”

“No!” you said quickly, “No, I didn’t-it doesn’t make me uncomfortable, I like it. I just-” you looked away, worrying at your lip in a way that made it seem like you were nervous. You took a deep breath and stared down into your drink, “I was worried that it meant you didn’t respect me.”

Spencer’s eyes widened, “What? Y/N that’s ridiculous! You’re one of the best profilers I know.”

You rolled your eyes, “Maybe in other departments, but in the BAU?” You shook your head, “I’m practically an amature.”

“I’m sorry, did you not just solve a case and rescue three kids?” Spencer asked, “Was it someone else who made the connection between De Vos’ childhood arson charge and the kids home the victims were from? ‘Cause if I remember correctly, and I’m pretty sure I do, that was all you.”

You smiled a little, enjoying the praise, but still seemed unsure, “Well none of that would have been helpful if you hadn’t figured out where he was keeping the kids.”

“Yes, it would have,” Spencer promised, leaning forward and covering your hand again, “Y/N, you cracked that case wide open. Without you, those kids would probably be dead.”

“Without you those kids would be dead,” You corrected, nudging his leg under the table and giving him a shy smile.

Spencer felt his heart stutter in his chest and he leaned back, taking his hand off yours but leaving your knees touching under the table.

“Well that just means we’re a good team.” He said, returning your smile.

You laughed and, with that, the tension dissipated. You spent the rest of your time together sharing childhood stories and swapping jokes. You spent twenty minutes just listening to him explain common misconceptions about the story of Tristan and Isolde before he caught himself and, when he laughed and apologized, you just shrugged and smiled, saying that you loved seeing how happy he looked when he talked about it. Spencer nearly swooned at that.

By the end of the night you seemed more like your old self than you had in weeks. Spencer walked you out and waited with you on the street as you called a taxi. It felt different between you now, no awkwardness or strain, just the warm comfort of being with someone you care about. Of course, just under the surface, Spencer could feel the start of something. It was fragile, easy snuffed out if treated poorly, but it was there; potential, the potential for this to be more than a friendship, to be something real, something worth fighting for.

Your taxi arrived before Spencer could figure out how to feel about that. Before he could say anything, you’d pulled him into a warm embrace, leaving him enough time to pull away if he wanted as you wrapped your arms around his neck. He didn’t pull away. Instead, he pulled you close, burying his face in the crook of your neck. You smelled wonderful.

“Thank you for today, Spencer,” you said quietly, so that only he could hear, “I-I really needed it.”

Spencer swore he felt his heart actually melt at the softness in your voice, but he pushed through it.

“Anytime, Y/N.”

You pulled away, smiling bigger than he’d seen in ages, and he couldn’t help but smile in return. You clambered into the taxi gracelessly, because you were looking back at him.

“You won’t be saying that when you’re stuck working those reports with me all of next week,” you teased.

Spencer smiled, stepping forward to close the taxi door behind you, “Wanna bet?”

“You’re on.” you agreed fondly.

He watched the car from his position on the sidewalk until it disappeared, trying to calm the frantic pounding of his heart.

“Spencer,” he muttered to himself happily, “she called me Spencer.”

And by god, he’d never liked the way his name sounded more.

[alluringjae]

[ 23:45 ] ⮕ END   

part of my collection of cookie cuts from all i do is wait

in order to understand, read the main story first here.

pairing: ghost!doyoung x female!reader

genre: angst, sum fluff if you really squint

warnings: death, grief

author’s note: someone asked me how i would interpret this scene, so here it is. this hurt A LOT. have fun though!

leave me some feedback, constructive criticism or hellos!

Mid-1953

At long last, the Korean War has ended after 3 years.

Over 5 million people dead, and to be one of the lucky survivors was a miracle.

The remaining soldiers who’ve fought through it all could return home, whilst civilians can properly rebuild all that was devastatingly destroyed in their cities. Their own normal lives included.

The fiercest 3 years of your life must you say, too engaged with self-studying your history books saved pre-war while dealing with the bargaining stage of your grief towards Doyoung. Every day, you couldn’t go on without overthinking the what-ifs. On top of that, your toddler Areum was at the stage where she loved creating a mess on the walls with her crayons. No matter how many times you’ve corrected her because it wasn’t your house, she continued anyway.

Now, she’s full-blown crying after you confiscated them and you’re on the verge of it. Thankfully, your mother stepped in to take her out for a walk in the neighborhood so you could unwind for a bit.

Since news broke out that the war ended, everyone from every street cheered and danced on the streets. You hailed with praise along with them, positive that things were going to get better. Yet deep down, you’ve selfishly wished that he was one of the lucky few to come home.

If only you didn’t chicken out so easily after he told you he was enlisting so you had a few more seconds with him.

If only you compromised him to join another field.

If only you told him about Areum earlier so he could go home.

These thoughts revolved your mind the most, instantly getting you to break down wherever you were. Even photos of him and you together were enough to tear down your walls. So, they remained hidden until the day you’re in a much better state of mind.

Dear god, you longed for him. Everything that consists of him.

In hopes to forget this tremendous loss in your life, you poured hot tea in a cup and started on this new book from this ongoing series, The Chronicles of Narnia. Getting it during this harsh period was tough, bartering it with old books you’ve owned in the market.

Fully preoccupied in the fantastical universe, flipping the pages quickly, you almost missed the continuous knocking on your door. You let out a tiny gasp and made your way to the entrance. As delusional to think it was Doyoung, you knew it wasn’t your mother and Areum either because they would’ve simply walked in. Opening it anyways, you were met by two young tall men. One had a bandage on his cheek while the other had a cast on his right arm. Noting their growing hair, they must’ve fought in the war.

Oh, if Doyoung was one of them.

“Hello, may I know who you two are?”

The one with the bandage spoke up, bowing first. “Hello, I am Lee Taeyong and this is my friend, Kim Jungwoo. We were good friends of your late lover, Kim Doyoung.”

Late lover.

Haven’t heard that since people in the neighborhood gossiped about your taboo pregnancy, but it’s not like they knew anyways. But from the letters exchanged with Doyoung before, he talked about these two highly. Whenever there were times of ease while serving, Doyoung was always up to mischievous things with these two. In a situation where they had to man up, they brought out his inner child.

“Oh, yes! Doyoung used to talk about you two in his letters, but I had no clue how you guys looked.”

By instinct, you invited them inside for tea by the patio. You’ve always wanted to meet them despite the circumstances. Bringing in a tray with a teapot and treats, mostly you were inquiring about their lives. Aside from knowing their positions in the team, you learned of their new plans moving forward.

“I want to return to university to finish my studies in mechanical engineering, maybe travel the world too.” Jungwoo stated, blowing on his cup before sipping it. He’s said to be an organized man according to Doyoung, always cautious of his surroundings. It balanced out his liveliness.

“Me too! I want to complete my major in finance, then marry my childhood sweetheart after a few years.” Taeyong expounded, his round eyes glowed in wonder. He must’ve been looking forward to this day, and you were content for him. Meanwhile, it processed to Taeyong what he said, realizing that it may have been insensitive.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” He burst out instantly. “I got stuck in my feelings there.”

“It’s okay, nothing to worry about. You shouldn’t apologize for how you feel.”

“I do think we should feel worried about you though.” Jungwoo interrupted, sighing heavily. “What happened with Doyoung-hyung all those years ago, we’re really concerned for you especially.”

At the mention of the painful memory, this wasn’t the right time to crumble. You weren’t capable to show your vulnerability to anyone but yourself. Plastering a wrenching pretend smile, “I appreciate the concern, truly. But I’ll be okay again. I’m planning to return to university too, then proceed to law school. A shared dream of mine and his.”

Taeyong and Jungwoo transparently viewed you like glass, coping with the grief of it. They were on the same page as you, and unaware to you, they knew his final words. With their interpretation, it only felt right to reach out to you. Befriend you, aid you in any possible way.

At the end of the day, three of you equally shared the suffering over the death of a loved one.

Sitting in peaceful silence, the front door creaked open followed by a tiny, high-pitched voice squealing.

“We’re home!” Your mother shouted.

“I’m at the patio, we have guests over!” You replied, pouring more tea for the two quiet boys.

From such a low-spirited atmosphere only did it liven up when an energetic Areum came into your setting. She had pigtails this time, satisfying herself with fresh bungeo-ppang from the neighborhood. No matter what you’re feeling, it took a single glance of her with her small moon-like eyes to recharge you.

“Mom, who are your friends here?” She pondered cluelessly.

The two boys exchanged looks at each other first, then to you in one breath. Their expressions of perplexity by how one’s hand was on their mouth and the other boy couldn’t stop staring at Areum, you identified exactly what they were thinking of.

“Areum, these are your dad’s friends in the army.” You animatedly confirmed. “The one with that tiny bandage on his face is uncle Taeyong, and the one with the white cast is uncle Jungwoo.”

Doyoung’s death was already so heavy to take in, but upon discovering this hidden surprise, Jungwoo wiped his tears on his sleeve. But you were fast to hand him some tissue. He was younger than you, so your older sister instincts kicked in.

“This is unjust, (Y/N).” He murmured across you so Areum won’t pick up his words. Your lips pressed against each other, maintaining a straight face at him. He was right.

With Taeyong, his arms spread out wide for the small girl who willingly walked to him. He loved children, having a nephew back home. He caressed her smooth hair down to her jaw. The first thing he distinguished was her pretty eyes followed by her squishy cheeks, resembling so much of his late friend.

“You’re so pretty, Areum. Did your mom tell you that you mirror so much of your dad?”

“Yes, she does! But I’ve never met him and I don’t when I will, uncle Taeyong.”

A tragedy how the splitting image of his best friend doesn’t see what everyone sees. But again, she’s only 3 and she can only process so much. She doesn’t know the real truth behind her father’s location, except that he was working far, far away. There are days she’d ask if he’d come back soon, yet your only response is not now. This isn’t the right time for her purity about life to stain.

“Well Areum,” Jungwoo gathered his senses again, crouching down to her level. “As his friends, we know that you look just like him! Prettier even.”

“Really? Tell me more about him, uncle Jungwoo!”

It’s about time someone else shared stories about your late lover because yours was short-lived. It’s even more intriguing to listen to what other people have to say about Doyoung that weren’t his parents. Some stories told by Taeyong and Jungwoo were new to you too, giggling along to their ridiculousness when they’re not training or fighting. Loving their presence, you invited them to stay for dinner with your family, which they couldn’t reject.

What started as a tense conversation transformed into a heartwarming experience. These two boys earned a spot in your life, aspiring for longtime friendships with them. The tender way they cherished for Areum like they’re own after meeting for the first time, it’ll fill in bits of her void. In exchange, they insisted to chip in for you and her lives so it wouldn’t be just you and your family. Struggling already with the consequences of the war, it only felt proper to do so.

“Doyoung has always been there for us, now let us return the favor and be there for you and Areum.”

Your protests were deemed useless, so you allowed them to do so. Once you finished law school and take the exams, you could pay them back. It’s phenomenal how Doyoung’s good influence towards others multiplied even after his passing. Maybe if you began to view things this way, you’d recover sooner. Although he’ll always be in your thoughts, it wouldn’t be as sensitive as it is now.

For now, you’re just going to enjoy the bliss Taeyong and Jungwoo brought, retelling old tales of a drunk Doyoung on the dining table.

From behind your garden fence in secret, Doyoung secretly observed as his treasured companions interacted at last with positivity. His only daughter mirroring his adored smile, he lived in that moment vicariously through her.

What a good time to visit today, truly.