#I’ve accidentally become number one nicki fan

[sweet-shut-eye]

“ Our Divine Violinist ”

[onlymurdersintheafterparty]

OMITB S4:E10 “My Best Friend’s Wedding”

I’ve just got four words to summarize my thoughts on this episode: I love this show! Despite a season full of some predictable moments this episode still managed to deliver jaw dropping twists and reminded us of why we love the trio and The Arconia so much. I honestly don’t know where to start but I guess I should start my recap with the killer?

The answer really was that simple wow 😭 I’ve got to give the writers their props because although I did suspect it took a stuntman to jump on the windowsill like that, I never would have guessed the twist about climbing around the building on the ledge 🫢 Marshall is actually really agile for someone who only had one stunt role but I guess we can also attribute that to his backstory as a hunter and excellent marksman. Shoutout to those of you who honed in on the fact that he has 20/20 vision. I thought it was really cool that Rudy and Vince did their best to help save Mabel and I hope that Charles continues to be friends with them because he’ll need friends when Oliver spends half of his time in New Zealand.

Speaking of New Zealand, I am so glad the writers just gave her an open ending because they had me scared the whole episode that Loretta was going to be killed off 😭 When he told her in the courtyard to wait in his apartment I was so sure that would be the end of her omg. And then when she was late to walk down the aisle I was thinking “IKYFL”. I was annoyed at the silly conflict the writers came up with but I am so glad that they let those two have a beautiful, murder free wedding. I know murders happen at the drop of a hat but this time I expected another time jump or something. Also there were theories of Gravey digging up some bodies in the yard and I was really looking forward to it. I have a feeling that may be a plot point next season because we still don’t know what happened to Nicky. For all we know his wife is behind it all. Wouldn’t that be a twist? A woman killing her husband and hiring detectives to solve the case but pinning it on someone else? Also in the subreddit someone brought up the fact that Lester was mentioned or seen taking care of dry cleaning at some point so that’s one link to all of this. And with Teddy having his own criminal activity going on do we think he had a hand in some of these dealings as well? 👀 If so I hope that this means we get Theo fully on board because his snooping around for jewelry definitely has to come back into play now. There’s no telling what he may have seen and not realized in the apartments.

I still can’t believe Lester is dead. I really thought he was the mastermind behind everything but it looks like the real mastermind got to him 😩 Nicky’s wife said that he has everything to do with the building so it would be a wild plot twist if he himself was the mastermind and that’s how he’s been pulling the strings. Maybe Lester was working for him and relayed info to him as well as put in the cameras because he had access. I mentioned in my recap for episode 6 that with Lester experiencing homelessness at some point he must have encountered some interesting people. If he needed a quick buck he very well might have had a brief stint as a henchman who didn’t ask any questions. Idk I don’t think Nicky is dead and he’s my number one suspect now because his mob ties would definitely allow him to tamper with police evidence. If it turned out he dated Jan at some point too I would not be the least bit surprised.

I wouldn’t say I was a fan of Jan despite finding her really funny, but after this episode she has become a new favorite. The way that she said weeks ago that she doesn’t prefer a sniper like kill but took out Marshall the same way that he took out Sazz?!

The fact that she’s just been chilling in the passageways and Charles’ apartment the whole time is hilarious and Charles is so oblivious that he wouldn’t think much of it if she did accidentally leave some clues behind. I don’t know if they’re endgame like she says but I do love the sexual tension. I wasn’t into the Sherlock series but that’s his dynamic with Irene Adler right?

While most of my predictions did not come true, I was right about Eva’s device coming into play to help save Mabel from Marshall 😂 And I really love that things that were wanted occurred like bringing back Will and that he also walked Loretta down the aisle with Dickie. I hope they become close buds. I also said last week that I would love to see Winnie as the ring bearer and they did not disappoint! 🥺 Uma screaming because she thought she saw a roach was so on brand and I feel like she did it just to cause some drama 🤭 I think deep down she likes the trio especially since she sent the elevator back down for Charles and Mabel after the wedding.

This season has been so much fun and I’m glad to see the show that we all love come back even better than ever. I can’t wait for season five!

[wallofweird]

This Is Us Q&A

Thanks @madsdefencesquad for tagging me. :)

1. The first character I first fell in love with:

Dr. Nathan Katowski. He just seemed to be such a charismatic, generous, wise and kind person and the way he comforted those two nervous young people (Jack and Rebecca) who were entering parenthood for the very first time was simply beautiful. Specially because nowadays some doctors are so arrogant and cold that make you feel so bad to the point of almost apologizing for needing their care (not most though, we have real life heroes out there on the front line of the COVID-19 pandemic and I’m forever thankful for them!). Anyway, it was pleasant to see a character with so much heart. Now the first regular character I fell in love with was Randall. He was just so relatable and Sterling and the writers really managed to show all the affliction he kept inside from early on. All the things he had accumulated through the years, with the questions about his biological parents, his identity, finding out that William was dying the same day he met him and everything... Even before we got to dive into that story, you could see it in his eyes. And I empathized with him immediately.

2. The character I never expected to love as much as I do now:

Kevin. I used to find him very annoying and self-centered and now I’m eating my words, but I guess that’s always been the writers intention: to show a character that came off as really shallow and immature and slowly change our minds about him. It definitely worked. My opinion about him started to change on the ‘Number One’ episode. It broke my heart to see what he was going through, specially when he lost the only thing he had left from Jack. That was hard to watch. And now that I’m rewatching the show, I can get his actions a lot better now and see that a lot of the stuff I used to hate came from his insecurities. So I’ve changed my mind about his behavior on the first episodes and I’m enjoying seeing him back then as well. I can see the bigger picture now.

3. The character everyone else loves that I don’t:

Cassidy. I don’t really believe there’s a consensus about her, it looks like the opinions are pretty balanced, but I’m not a fan of her. I wouldn’t say I hate Cassidy, but I don’t really like her. Like, the other characters can get me to laugh and cry so easily, but she doesn’t make me feel anything? She looks kind of cold to me, which I can understand it probably has something to with being in the military and the things she had to experience and do, but even with the whole drama with her son and husband... It's just never given me the same emotion I use to get from the other characters. Also, I really wanted the first half of the season to be only about Kevin and his uncle, but they threw a stranger in it and played with the idea of putting Kevin and Cassidy together the whole time. I just wanted to see their dynamic without anybody’s interference, specially because I haven’t got the point of her presence yet. I believe Kevin and Nicky would’ve done just fine in their journey to sobriety without her and I don’t really think the woman will marry any of them. I hope there’s something bigger planned for her that will explain her addition to the show, because I don’t really get it. So far it just looks like she’s there to mislead us with the whole “who is Kevin’s wife?” mystery.

4. The character I love that everyone else hates:

Madison. I wouldn’t say everybody hates her, for me the public has mixed opinions about her? I’ve seen people who hate her, who are indifferent, who like her and think she’s funny and people who love her. However, I do believe she deserves more praise. I think she’s kind of in the same situation Kevin used to be a few years ago. A lot of people have a pre-fabricated idea of Madison and see her as someone shallow and immature. Madison has always been there for Kate, even when she was nothing but rude to her. When Kate hit her car (I know it was accidentally, but still), Madison got over it the second she learned Kate was pregnant. She immediately forgot about her car and was filled with nothing but joy after hearing the news. Madison also helped Kate to enjoy the process of finding her wedding dress, staying positive with her second pregnancy after the previous miscarriage... She’s been there through thick and thin. And she is so loving, selfless and strong that was willing to raise her twins and go through all of that by herself to avoid getting in the way of Kevin finding his great love story. How can somebody not admire that? Even if you don’t like her, because that’s understandable and sometimes a character just doesn’t resonate with us, there’s absolutely no reason to hate or criticize her personality and actions. Madison is very underrated, but she is an amazing person. I just don’t understand why people have changed their minds about Kevin after seeing his struggles and evolution, but won’t do the same with her. The only difference here is the amount of screentime they have and the gender, because they’re both great people. I really don’t get it.

5. The character I used to love but don’t any longer:

One of the great things about this show is that I’ve never stopped loving any of the characters. There are characters I don’t really like, there are characters that have grown on me, but the opposite has never happen. However, I am a little angry with Randall and Kevin after that fight. I won’t defend any of them. They were both terrible to each other. 

I get where they’re both coming from when it comes to how they deal with Rebecca’s health. It’s understandable wanting to save your mother. It’s understandable wanting her to enjoy the time she has left. There is no right or wrong decision in these situations. And a lot of how they deal with it comes from their personalities and traumas. They both have this hole in their lives because of losing Jack. Randall blames himself and thinks about what life would’ve been if he hadn’t died every single day. His anxiety also plays a role in how he process everything. It’s consuming. On the other hand, Kevin regrets not having spent as much time with his father as he could’ve had. He’s also already gone through therapy, is a year sober and attending the AA meetings regularly... He can see things more clearly than Randall right now. So I don’t judge either of them for how they approach to the situation. Still, Randall should’ve respected Rebecca’s decision. Period. He was selfish and I can’t defend what he did. I can understand why he did it and I didn’t really see it as him manipulating his mother, for me it was more of a desperate moment, when he was telling Rebecca he cannot handle losing her. Not that Kevin and Kate can handle losing their mother, but he’s clearly overwhelmed with the whole situation, while Kevin and Kate are at a better mental state and looking at things with more serenity.

However, regarding their fight, Kevin’s got some fault too. I’m sure they didn’t mean anything they said to one another, they just happened to know each other’s deepest wounds and wanted to rub them. It was painful to watch. Kevin knows Randall feels guilty for letting Jack walk back into the house. Randall knows Kevin feels guilty for not being there. Kevin knows Randall have never felt liked he completely fitted in, because he was abandoned by his biological father and adopted only after Rebecca and Jack lost a child. He’s always felt a little lost or as a replacement to Kyle. And Randall knows Kevin is self-conscious and feels like people don’t take him seriously or believe he can be responsible. It was heartbreaking and cruel. And I’m rewatching season 1 and recently saw the episode where they finally begin to grow closer and there is this scene where Randall says:

“[Mom] showered me with attention. Took my side more often than not. And I ate every bit of her love up. Ate it up like Pac-Man. You know why? Because the one person I wanted it from the mo..

[...]

You know, back there with those people, it's the first time in 36 years you've said the words, ‘he's my brother’, [as] claiming me.”

I’ve also just finished the episode where it shows young Randall having a nervous breakdown and Kevin ignoring him. Kevin and Randall did have some good moments growing up, but for most of it they weren’t close and Randall was the one who tried the harder to change that. It took them over 30 years to get to a place where they finally acted like brothers on a regular basis and now they have both ruined all of that progress. So I can’t really pick sides and blame one of them when it comes to that fight. They were both terrible. However, I’m just a little more disappointed with Randall because he interfered in Rebecca’s decision.

6. The character I would totally smooch:

Kevin. Justin Hartley just happens to be on my Male Celebrity Crush Top 2, so...

7. The character I’d want to be like:

Beth. She’s smart, successful, funny, wise and beautiful, I’d like to have at least 30% of that awesomeness. 

8. The character I’d slap:

Marc.

9. A pairing that I love:

Jack and Rebecca. Their love story, even with its ups and downs, remains epic. One for the ages, indeed. 

Still, I really miss a slowburn ship. We’ve had Jack and Rebecca, Kate and Toby, Randall and Beth since the very beginning. They were all love at first sight. They got together pretty quickly. I miss a ship that I can see go through all of those basic stages, like meeting, becoming friends and falling in love. I miss seeing a character pining for another and being a little bit jealous of them. I miss watching the scenes with the lingering looks, deep breaths, both staring at each other when the other isn’t noticing... All this tension building up until the moment it just explodes. Like, give me angst scenes! Give me a scene where they are hugging so tight and not wanting to let go and Character A can’t resist it anymore and kisses character B as if their his/her depended on it. Give me rain kisses. Give me character A pining for character B, but doubting that B feels the same way. Give me B being just as insanely in love as A and feeling frustrated whenever they’re around someone else. Give me character B being unconsciously jealous and fighting with character A. Give me A blurting out that he/she is in love with B and a passionate kiss. I know it’s cliché, but there is a reason why everyone loves scenes like these: they work. And This Is Us needs stuff like that. Hopefully Kevin and Madison can fill this gap, since I’m already in love with their potential. ;)

10. A pairing that I despise:

Kevin and Sophie. I genuinely have nothing against Sophie, she is a good person and she deserves happiness. If anything, Kevin was the one who wronged her. However, I can’t help sighing and rolling my eyes whenever she shows up or her name is mentioned on the show. I’m just tired at this point. I’ve never saw the appeal of it. I’m usually a slowburn kind of shipper, but I still have my ‘love at first sight’ otps. This one, however, never really convinced me. First, I don’t see the chemistry at all (in any timeline). Second, he’s cheated on her twice. Plus, the second time they were together, Kevin had fallen back into drinking and she didn’t even realize the seriousness of the situation. I’m not saying it was her fault or responsibility, because that’s a real problem and what Kevin needed was professional help. Also, he lied to her and broke Sophie’s heart again in the process, so I can empathize with her. Still, the fact that Sophie couldn’t see what was going on and they were never able to go through it together, whether it was his treatment, or the long distance or any real obstacle just proves to me they don’t work. They simply couldn’t work together. And Kevin has moved on. He moved on from her and genuinely fell in love with Zoe. They broke up because they wanted different things, but their relationship was real. So, the way I see it, the fact that he suddenly wants another ‘crack at it’ with Sophie, it’s just a result of his frustration. Kevin is so desperate to have his own great love story and children, that he is trying to get it from strangers on coffee shops or any ex-girlfriend that will reach out to him. He’s not thinking things through, but hopefully he will let life takes it course and find find them naturally, without forcing anything or insisting on relationships that have proved multiple times that weren’t the right fit for him. I also don’t really like when characters appear with the solely purpose to be someone’s love interest, I like seeing them in their own element and their dynamic with other characters. Like, even though each Pearson has their immediate family, we’ve seen bits of Beth and Rebecca, Toby and Kevin, Beth and Zoe, Kate and Madison (who at this point I’m pretty sure is Kevin’s fiancée)... Sophie wasn’t fully integrated into the family during their second attempt at a relationship, so that’s another reason for me not to like this ship.

I don’t wanna tag anyone specifically because I’m afraid I might forget someone, so anyone who wants to do this thing, just go for it. I’d love to see your answers. :)

[mountain-soul]

Like so many of those questions..u should do them all if ur up to it

get toknow me 

i know i dont really talkto you guys but i want you to get to know me. so heres 100 questions you canask me, just send a number or make up your own questions.

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

·       Just A Phase by Adam Craig

·       Round Here Buzz by Eric Church

·       Heartache on the Dance Floor by Jon Pardi

·       Déjà vu by Lauren Duski

·       Either Way by Chris Stapleton

·       It Just Wont Quit by Meat Loaf

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, whowould it be?

·       Emma Watson or Sophia Bush (I cant choose)

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page23, give me line 17.

4: What do you think about most?

·       Getting myself out of debt

5: What does your latest text message fromsomeone else say?

·       “Headphones!!”

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

·       Giant T shirt

7: What’s your strangest talent?

·       I can pick up a lot of things with my feet

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finishthe sentence)

·       Girls kinda suck

·       Boys kinda suck

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

·       No

10: When is the last time you played the airguitar?

·       Lol I couldn’t even tell you

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

·       Airport security

·       Masked creatures like the Easter Bunny

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

·       no

13: What’s your religion?

·       protestant

14: If you are outside, what are you mostlikely doing?

·       Sitting on the patio drinking and hanging outwith friends

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera orin front of it?

·       behind

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favoriteband?

·       The Doors

17: What was the last lie you told?

·       “Im not mad at you”

18: Do you believe in karma?

·       I believe in justice

19: What does your URL mean?

·       That the mountains are where I belong

20: What is your greatest weakness; yourgreatest strength?

·       Weakness: I trust and forgive far too easilywhen I love someone

·       Strength: I love to prove people wrong

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

·       Julian Edeleman

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

·       Yes

23: How do you vent your anger?

·       I usually just lock myself in my room and stayaway from people for awhile. Or I’ll go see hot bartender and go line dancing at my favoritecountry bar

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

·       Pretty big vinyl record collection

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone orvideo chatting online?

·       Phone call

26: Are you happy with the person you’vebecome?

·       A lot happier recently

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

·       Hate: anything that sounds like nails on achalkboard

·       Love: thunderstorms

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

·       What if Im not good enough to be someonesfirst and only choice

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How aboutaliens?

·       Ghosts: yes

·       Aliens: unsure

30: Stick your right arm out; what do youtouch first? Do the same with your left arm.

·       Either side of my desk

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

·       Freshly printed paper

32: What’s the worst place you have ever beento?

·       Honestly, not a huge fan of NYC. Too muchgoing on there

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

·       East Coast for sure

34: Most attractive singer of your oppositegender?

·       Sam Hunt

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

·       To leave people better than you met them

36: Define Art.

·       Whatever makes you feel something, be itmovement, writing, picture, drawing

37: Do you believe in luck?

·       Not really

38: What’s the weather like right now?

·       Rainy, which is okay because im home from work

39: What time is it?

·       6:01 PM

40: Do you drive? If so, have you evercrashed?

·       Yes, and Ive been rear-ended

41: What was the last book you read?

·       TheGirl on the Train

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

·       Yes

43: Do you have any nicknames?

·       Nicki, Nic, Princess, Pumpkin

44: What was the last film you saw?

·       Shutter Island

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

·       Well I fractured my ankle when I was 10 and shouldvegotten a cast and didnt so still dealing with that 13 years later

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

·       yes

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

·       Cold brew coffee

·       The Bachelorette

·       Reading

·       Candles

·       Old time radio shows

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

·       Straight

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

·       Lol, lets count them all

50: Do you believe in magic?

·       Part of me does

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against peoplewho have done you wrong?

·       Lolololololol yeahhh

52: What is your astrological sign?

·       Taurus

53: Do you save money or spend it?

·       I try to save. But I do save to spend

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

·       A salad

55: Love or lust?

·       Depends on the person Im with

56: In a relationship?

·       Uhhh kind of

57: How many relationships have you had?

·       4

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

·       Nope

59: Where were you yesterday?

·       Work

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet ofyou?

·       My pig pillow pet

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

·       Always

62: What’s your favourite animal?

·       An otter

63: What is your secret weapon to get someoneto like you?

·       Playing hard to get

64: Where is your best friend?

·       Far away

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs onTumblr.

66: What is your heritage?

·       Portuegese, English, Swedish, French Canadian,and Mohawk Indian

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

·       Watching The Fosters even though I should havebeen asleep

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

·       Lololol I think he has too many

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

·       Damn straight

70: Are you the kind of friend you would wantto have as a friend?

·       I think so

71: You are walking down the street on yourway to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street.Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do youdo?

·       Save the dog dude!

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she hasjust informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tellanyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remainingdays? c) Would you be afraid?

·       I would tell my parents, and S.O.

·       I would try and do everything I’ve ever wanted to do

·       Id be terrified

73: You can only have one of these things;trust or love.

·       love

74: What’s a song that always makes you happywhen you hear it?

·       That’s What I Like by Bruno Mars

75: What are the last four digits in your cellphone number?

·       6504

76: In your opinion, what makes a greatrelationship?

·       Respect, communication, trust, admiration

77: How can I win your heart?

·       Corgis

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

·       Or more insanity

79: What is the single best decision you havemade in your life so far?

·       To not get another restaurant job

80: What size shoes do you wear?

·       8

81: What would you want to be written on yourtombstone?

·       “Love her, but leave her wild.”

82: What is your favourite word?

·       Love

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mindwhen you hear the word; heart.

·       ache

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

·       Bless

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

·       Objects in the Rearview Mirror by Meat Loaf

86: Basic question; what’s your favouritecolour/colours?

·       Gray, very light purple

87: What is your current desktop picture?

·       A quote that says “Do what makes your soul happy”

88: If you could press a button and makeanyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

·       Lolololol too many

89: What would be a question you’d be afraidto tell the truth on?

·       Are you over him?

90: One night you wake up because you heard anoise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. Themummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed.What do you do?

·       Go back to sleep

91: You accidentally eat some radioactivevegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you withthe super-power of your choice! What is that power?

·       Invisibility

92: You can re-live any point of time in yourlife. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your pastwould you like to experience again?

·       The last half hour I spent with my Buppa

93: You can erase any horrible experience fromyour past. What will it be?

·       All the bullying I experienced

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with themusic-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

·       SAM HUNT

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere.You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

·       English countryside

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

·       Surprisingly no

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

·       Oh yeah

98: Ever been on a plane?

·       Yes

99: If the whole worldwere listening to you right now, what would you say?

·      To quote Cinderella “Have courage and be kind”

[gravetells]

Author Amy Lane on what makes Green’s Hill so special #Quickening #LittleGoddess #UrbanFantasy

If you’re a fan of urban fantasy and you haven’t read Amy Lane’s Little Goddess series, you MUST check it out. The series has a lot of similarities to Laurell K. Hamilton’s Merry Gentry series, but without the retina-burning horror elements and the out-of-control menage. Little Goddess is what Merry Gentry could have been. Don’t let that fool you into thinking this series is “safe”. Vulnerable (the first book in the series) will break your heart, and each new book after it will shock you in ways you can’t predict. But that’s what makes this series dynamite. Author Amy Lane is here today with some personal perspective into what makes Green’s Hill (the series’ home base) so very addicting.

Welcome, Amy Lane!

Why Green’s Hill

I’ve heard it from a lot of people over the years—they wish there was a place like Green’s hill. I mean it’s not perfect—privacy is an illusion, monogamy has all sorts of drawbacks and somebody is literally trying to kill you at every turn.

But the pros are also easy to spot: beautiful people, sexual freedom, guaranteed job security doing whatever you like that helps the collective, and let’s not forget immortality or at least a generously increased lifespan.

Who wouldn’t want to live there?

But people who stop at eternal sex and excellent job training are missing the point.

Mental health problems and drug addictions are sort of my milieu. Not mine personally—in fact, a lot of people I hang out with would be hard pressed to remember seeing me drink more than a glass of wine or a single mojito, and there’s a reason for that. But I’ve seen up close the damage done to lives and promising futures and families when self-medicating one problem with another gets wildly out of hand.

When I was teaching, there were a lot of times I saw the signs of kids who were about ready to fall through those same cracks. There wasn’t much I could do for them—helping them pass English, telling them they had a future, helping them find someone to talk to—in the end, I spent less than 4 ½ hours a week with a kid, and much of that was in the company of 35 other people. (California public schools, where class size is no joke.)

And I had a fondness for kids that nobody else seemed to see. The natural smartass—that was my kid. I didn’t care much if they were always on time—what I liked was a kid who knew how to be late. If a kid got to school late every day, entered the room, sat down, and started the warmup so silently that I didn’t see her, seriously? Why get mad? My personal rule of thumb was that if it didn’t disrupt the learning, I didn’t give a rat’s ass, and the kids who bought into that idea were the kids I showed up for every damned day.

So one day, I was driving to work, and got stuck behind a giant hulking land yacht, rumbling at the U-turn where most of the late-ish teachers were idling. As I was staring into space, pondering the latest urban fantasy novel I’d read, I saw a hand with a cigarette hanging out of the window—the sort of bored smoking that a veteran nicotine addict indulges in.

Then I recognized that kid.

I loved that kid.

She was one of my favorites—she’d already submitted to nursing school, and while she wasn’t top of her class, she was definitely going somewhere.

But the nicotine addiction made me so sad.

Because she wasn’t even eighteen, and that was a thing that would follow her through her entire life. I wanted a do over for her—a chance to re-negotiate that part of her life, to come out with the promising future she’d earned and the zero addictions she deserved.

And then (because seriously, this was a frickin’ long light) I thought about fantasy stories. Why did they only serve the introvert, the super smart kid, the exiled nerd? That always seemed sort of self-aggrandizing to me. I mean, yeah, I was that kid, but I didn’t see any of my favorite kids in my books. The disenfranchised. The ones who didn’t test well, or whose hostility got in the way of their brains sometimes. Remember—this was 2000/2001. There was an entire market of YA books of kids who got addicted to meth and then raped by their dealers (no, I’m not kidding!) but there wasn’t much hope in the way of redemption for those kids.

And not only that, but those books… they always made sex seem like such an awful thing. If you have sex, you’ll break up and you won’t be a virgin for your next boyfriend and that’s BAD! Don’t have sex or do drugs because you’ll become perfectly irredeemable as a person and nobody will ever want you again EVER. OH MY GOD, EVERY MISTAKE YOU MAKE WILL BE HELD AGAINST YOU AND YOU WILL BE JUDGED FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!

That’s not the way life works!

Or it shouldn’t be.

One kid doing X at a party shouldn’t get him put in jail for years. One kid who gets high and laid shouldn’t be given up on—ever. And once the addiction started, what then? What happened to that kid whose self-destructive spiral just can’t seem to end?

Because we all know where it does end, don’t we? We’ve seen the commercials and read the literature often enough.

I didn’t make a conscious decision to write Green’s hill that day—but I was writing. When I wrote Cory and Adrian—and then added Green to the mix, I needed Green and Adrian to have a bigger purpose than themselves. They needed to be doing something important, otherwise if Cory ended up with them, she was just trading in one small town dream for another.

And then I realized what job Adrian would be perfect for. What purpose Green’s skill at sex and healing seemed to lend itself to.

If your number one tenet is no shame, and your creed is sensual and consensual, you are the perfect beings to help unfuck the young and the lost, the addicted and the despondent

These two characters—they were agents of redemption. If your number one tenet is no shame, and your creed is sensual and consensual, you are the perfect beings to help unfuck the young and the lost, the addicted and the despondent, those who have been told that their mistakes have rendered them worthless, when the human being who made those mistakes is, in fact, shining and pure and good.

This idea of the found family has become the cornerstone of my writing since then. The theme of forgiveness and empathy being stronger than hatred and shame has crystalized as one of my most dearly held beliefs.

And when I write about Green and Cory, Bracken and Nicky, and dear, darling, beloved Adrian, I am drawn again to the magic of Green’s hill, and reminded that the true magic—forgiveness and unconditional love—are the most human of enchantments.

Forgiveness and unconditional love are the most human of enchantments @AmyMacLane #GreensHill Click To Tweet

  New to the Little Goddess series?

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Quickening by Amy Lane Published by DSP Publications on May 2nd 2017 Genres: LGBT, Gay, Fantasy, Paranormal, Urban Pages: 316 Add it to your To Read shelf: Goodreads

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Little Goddess: Book Five, Volume One Cory thought she’d found balance on Green’s Hill—sorceress, student, queen of the vampires, wife to three men—she had it down! But establishing her right to risk herself with Green and Bracken had more than one consequence, and now she’s facing the world’s scariest job title: mother. But getting the news that she’s knocked up takes a back seat when a half-elf hunts them down for help. Her arrival brings news that the werewolf threat, which has been haunting them for over a year, has finally arrived on their doorstep—and it’s bigger and more frightening than they’d ever imagined. Cory throws herself into this new battle with everything she’s got—and her men let her do it. Because they all know that whether they defeat this enemy now or later, the thing she’s most afraid of is arriving on a set schedule, and not even Cory can avoid it. The trick is getting her to acknowledge she’s pregnant before she gives birth—or kills herself in denial.

About Amy Lane

Amy Lane has two kids in college, two gradeschoolers in soccer, two cats, and two Chi-who-whats at large. She lives in a crumbling crapmansion with most of the children and a bemused spouse. She also has too damned much yarn, a penchant for action adventure movies, and a need to know that somewhere in all the pain is a story of Wuv, Twu Wuv, which she continues to believe in to this day! She writes fantasy, urban fantasy, and gay romance–and if you accidentally make eye contact, she’ll bore you to tears with why those three genres go together. She’ll also tell you that sacrifices, large and small, are worth the urge to write.

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from Author Amy Lane on what makes Green’s Hill so special #Quickening #LittleGoddess #UrbanFantasy

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#PopCultureClass: ShETHER Lesson #1: Just Because You're Down Doesn't Mean You're Out

So, you already know that over the weekend Remy Ma released, ShETHER, a Nicki Minaj diss track. If for some reason you missed it, and/or the backstory, head over to my earlier blog post for the summary.  

ShETHER is lyrically ridiculous and had the internet ablaze on the last weekend of Black History Month 2017. Remy basically had the entire internet looking like this on Saturday:

SheETHER is also equally brilliant for multiple other reasons. For those of us who like to learn from the things happening around us, ShETHER provides enough material for a month long workshop on.....just about everything. I've put together some lessons I took from the song, because if this ain't a #PopCultureClass I don't know what is. This is the first in a series of at least four of the main lessons I took from Professor Ma. 

Lesson #1: Just Because You're Down Doesn't Mean You're Out. 

So...this song's very existence should have us taking notes from now until #BHM2018. For those of you new to Remy, her backstory makes ShETHER's release that much more incredible. Remy was convicted in 2008 of assault (and maybe some other things, but I don't have the energy to find the actual conviction) and served almost seven years in prison for it. She was released on August 1, 2014.

If we do the math, that means Remy has been of prison for about 2.5 years. Two. Point. Five. Years. In this short period of time, she's become one of the most popular faces on VH1, established herself and her husband as #relationshipgoals for many fans, released an album, and come to reclaim her throne as the Queen of Rap with ShETHER. ICYMI, most people have been working on just doing one of these things for their entire lives.    

Re. the prison stint, Remy's side of the story is one of when keeping it real goes wrong. According to Remy, she had an entourage who used her fame to eat good, live good, and promote their own projects. Remy believed that Makeda Barnes Joseph, one of the former friends/entourage members, stole about $3,000 from her (all while living on Remy's dime). When Remy confronted Makeda, she says her gun accidentally went off and Makeda shot. Makeda, of course, has a completely different side of what happened. She says Remy shot her on purpose.

I'm not here to pass judgment on who is telling the truth. The point is that Remy is one of tens of millions of people in the U.S. who have been formerly incarcerated. Coming out and doing the things she's done in a short amount of time is incredible, regardless of who she is and what is in her past. 

Why is this incredible to me? Former inmates face significant difficulties once they've been released from prison (not to mention the actual prison experience, which I'll save for another day). Check out these stats:

The psychological impact of prison is incredibly traumatic, even for short term confinement, and can actually be psychologically debilitating for many people.

Formerly incarcerated people are often not allowed to vote. In 34 states, you lose your right to vote for some period of time. In 10 of those 34 states, you can lose your right to vote for ever. 

Many employers won't hire people who have been in jail. Between 60 and 75 percent of the formerly incarcerated remain unemployed up to a year after their release. Even among those who find work, they often remain under-employed for years.

Once you've been to prison, it can be almost impossible to get an education because you can't get federal grants. 

Landlords don't want to rent to those who have been formerly incarcerated.

Yes, Remy was a celebrity when she went into prison and had some financial resources (her net worth has been disputed, but it was probably a few hundred thousand dollars when she went in). Maybe Remy is a good person. Maybe she's not. Who knows. Either way, that doesn't eliminate the trauma or impact of the prison experience.

Remy actually opened up last year about experiencing many of the difficulties I mentioned above in an interview with The Huffington Post:

In The Prison Community, Donald Clemmer called incarceration one of the more degrading experiences a human could endure. Given the traumatic nature of prison, I am amazed by Remy's recent two and half years. Imagine being taken from your spouse and young child (she had a son who was eight years old then) for any period of time, let alone seven years. Imagine not being able to work, shower, sleep, eat, or get dressed except when someone tells you to. Imagine being referred to as a number and not a name. This would be hard for any human.     

Which is why Lesson #1 for me is that being down doesn't mean being out. Remy seemingly lost a lot during the period revolving around the incident and her incarceration. But, she kept it moving. And over the weekend she created one of the most talked about stories of 2017 and perhaps one of the most impactful diss records of our lifetimes.

To Remy's credit, she seems like a natural-born hustler. While she was in prison, she studied and got an associate degree in Sociology. In addition, according to some reports, her net worth actually continued to rise while she was in prison. This means that Remy created projects, presumably her music and writings, that would bring her income even if she wasn't actually clocking in and out of a studio or other location. And even if she was in prison for almost seven years. That is the quintessential definition of passive income. 

She also stayed married to her husband, when research shows that the divorce rate for people in prison is 80% for men and nearly 100% for women. Remy has defied one odd after another. I don't care what you think about her personally, all of this is impressive. At least to me. 

And so is the circumstance revolving around ShETHER. Given the likelihood that incarceration will actually kill a person's self confidence and self worth, Remy came out seemingly more confident in her skills and proudly proclaimed that she was the best. Better than everybody in the game. Including Nicki Minaj. 

In an industry dominated by men, there is a dearth of rappers who are also women. One recent report indicated that the number of women rappers dropped from 40 in the 1980s and 1990s to 3 in 2010. Even MC Lyte, the first woman to have a solo rap album with a major label, thinks its bad, noting in 2014 that:

"We've gone backwards . . . . This is pretty much what it was like when women weren't able to get major recording and release opportunities."

In fact, usually only one name comes to mind in many discussions these days: Nicki Minaj. While of course there are other women rappers, Nicki is probably the most publicly popular by any number of indicators. 

Last year alone, Nicki was named one of the World's Highest-Paid Women In Music by Forbes and one of Hip-Hop's Highest Earning Acts (the only woman on the list). She's also won the BET Award for Best Female Hip Hop Artist for the past six years straight and been nominated and/or won a bunch of awards, including several Grammys. There's literally a (very long) Wikipedia page dedicated to the awards she's been nominated for or received.

So for Remy to come at her, especially right now, takes a lot of cojones. 

And come at her she did. Though my later articles will delve into the lyrics, the fact that this song exists at all is a testament to Remy's strength, mental toughness, and the skills stemming from the gifts innately in her. I write often about the power of knowing your value (check out some older posts here and here) and not allowing others to devalue that. If we haven't learned anything else from Remy, it is that self-worth can bring you #AllTheWayUp from your lowest points.

Remy Ma is letting everyone know she's back. Though we've yet to get a response track from Nicki, I imagine it may not matter to Remy. It doesn't seem like anything can stop her.   

**

If you're curious about other issues associated with the American commercial prison system, please watch Ava DuVernay's documentary film, 13th, which you can find on Netflix. Check out the trailer below.