#I’m vegetarian & have been for most of my life but. it’s always been ham for xmas

[purplesurveys]

1503

Are your parents married or divorced? They had their 25th wedding anniversary this year.

Are you a vegetarian? Nope.

Do you believe in Heaven? I do not.

Have you ever come close to dying? Only from my own doing, yes.

What jewelry do you wear 24/7? There isn’t a single piece of jewelry that I have on at all times.

Are you eating? I am, actually. I’m having a ham and cheese sandwich alongside this survey.

Do you eat the stems of broccoli? Yesss, I shove the whole thing in my mouth lol I love broccoli.

Do you wear makeup? I’ve started to wear makeup for the times we hold PR events, since those are happening more frequently now with COVID cases considerably subsiding. Unfortunately my acne has gotten worse in recent months and I can most definitely blame it on the fucking makeup, which I never liked wearing to begin with.

Would you ever have plastic surgery? No, unless I needed to get it for medical reasons or to better my condition.

What do you wear to bed? Usually something sleeveless for my top, and a pair of shorts. I don’t exactly live in the coldest country in the world.

Have you ever done anything illegal? I pirate shit from time to time but that’s it.

Can you roll your tongue? Yes. Do You have a boyfriend or girlfriend? Nope.

Do you believe in Abortions? I’m pro-choice, yes.

What is your Hair color? It’s an awkward mix of black and light brown right now lol. Future child's name, boy and girl? I haven’t put much thought into a boy’s name, but some of the ones I like are Jacob, Seth, and Liam. I’ve always liked Olivia, Mia, or Inez for a daughter. Do you smoke? No, definitely not as a habit.

If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be? Back to Sagada would be nice. Angela and I also talked about including Gangwon in our South Korea trip, whenever that would be.

Do you sleep with stuffed animals? Uh it’s not stuffed animals but I have a couple of Tata plushies.

If you won the lottery, what would you do first? I wouldn’t be surprised if a food delivery would be the literal first thing I do.

Gold or silver? Silver.

Hamburger or hot dog? I like burgers.

If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? Bibimbap because it kinda has everything you need in a meal to stay healthy. It’s a very practical dish lol.

City, beach or country? City, then beach. The province can be nice but I can only stay there long enough for quick visits.

What was the last thing you touched? Apart from my keyboard, a pair of chopsticks so I can eat my meal.

Where did you eat last? I’m eating right now in bed as I take this survey.

When's the last time you cried? Yesterday because a friend on social media had reposted a video and it was basically a TikTok with the text: “POV: your dog finally sees you in the afterlife” and the video was a very peaceful shot of the top of a hill, overlooking the ocean, sun as bright as it can be, and it ends with a dog happily running towards the camera.

Do you read blogs? I guess, technically. I read the survey entries on my feed and I also follow (quite obsessively at that, lol) a particular fanfiction blog.

Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex? Yeah and I don’t even quite believe in this concept anymore. Lines are much more blurred now when it comes to dressing ‘like the opposite sex,’ and I like that guys are starting to wear things like skirts, same with girls and suits.

Ever been involved with the police? Nothing beyond traffic enforcers.

What's your favorite shampoo/conditioner and soap? I don’t have one. As long as it gets the job done I have no complaints.

Do you talk in your sleep? No. The most I do is an occasional snore, but generally I don’t do much in my sleep. Even moving around, I don’t do too often – I usually wake up in the same or almost the same position I fell asleep in.

Ocean or pool? I used to prefer the pool, but as I took more trips to the beach/ocean/sea I ended up loving it more. I exclusively swim in those now, also just because I find the smell of chlorine in pools too strong.

What's your favorite song at the moment? Loser=Lover by TXT has FINALLY grown on me.

Have you ever had a cavity? Yes.

Window seat or aisle seats? Window. But if it’s like a 30-minute trip to just another island province in the country then I don’t have a preference hahaha. Generally though, I always ask my family if I can take the window seat.

Ever met anyone famous? I’ve met a handful of celebrities through my work.

Do you feel that you've had a truly successful life? I think I’m getting there, which is more than enough for me now.

Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Twirl. I never cut my pasta, come to think of it.

What is your favorite sport to play? Table tennis!!!

Basketball or football? Honestly, neither; but when it boils down to it there are other sports I’m willing to watch before I land on football.

When was the last time you went to the bathroom? Around an hour ago when I got back from bringing Aki to the vet.

Do you drive a stick? Nope, I never learned how to do manual.

Cake or ice cream? I’m generally not a fan of either but I would go with cake. I can skip ice cream any day.

Are you self-conscious? I think we all are, to differing extents.

Do you like any of your close friends? I do. Reena just puts me (and Angela and Hans tbh) off sometimes because of the amount of babying we have to do with her, the biggest thing being how she entirely depends on us for transportation when 1) she lives the FARTHEST among all of us, and 2) gas prices are no joke!, but we’re starting to try to deal with it in our own subtle ways lol.

Have you ever given money to a bum? If ‘bum’ refers to beggars, then yes, I have. Sometimes I will also give food if I happen to have snacks in the car. 

Have you been in love? Yes.

Where do you wish you were? I’m fine where I am right now.

On myspace why is the 1st person on ur top 8 there? Not a thing anymore.

Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? Nopes.

Can you tango? Not at all.

Last gift you received? Liara gave me a pair of socks with a cute chibi!Taehyung design.

What occasion did you recieve your gift? No occasion. We just met yesterday for our spin class and she took it as an opportunity to hand over the gift to me.

Last thing you spent lots of money on? A new battery for my car after it suddenly died on me about a month ago.

Where do you live? The Philippines.

Last wedding attended. My aunt and uncle’s in...2007. LOL

Favorite restaurant? A local Korean restaurant nearby.

What is your favorite kind of car? I’ve always thought that Minis look great. Also jeep-type of vehicles, like the Toyota FJ Cruiser and Suzuki Jimny.

Most hated food(s)? Lugaw/congee. You’d never see me touching that even if it were the last thing on an island.

Most loved food(s)? Chicken wings, pizza, risotto.

Can you sing? Nope.

Person on your mind? There isn’t anyone. I’m just focused on finishing this survey.

What's your least fav. chores? Folding laundry, because my back.

Favorite drink? Just water.

Currently have a Crush? No.

How long was your longest drive in a car? If we’re talking the longest drive I’ve done, probably the 4-5 hour trip I had from Nasugbu heading home. But the longest road trip I’ve ever been on overall was our freaking Sagada one...we left at like 9 PM? 10 PM? And got there after lunch the following day. Weirdly enough I do think I’m still willing to be on a trip that long, as long as we have enough good music and entertainment in the car. Why do you do Myspace surveys? Surveys have always been my main outlet for destressing. I also don’t get to talk about myself of my feelings a lot with people, so I use surveys for that.

Do you know who Mike Tyo is? Nope.

[tiliamericana]

Muay Thai: 1.13

“I can’t believe you’ve done this,” said Agatha acidly as Nairi held the door to the pizza place open for her.

“I’m sorry,” said Nairi, no longer feeling particularly apologetic after a week of saying nothing but. “We’ll only be here for what, an hour? And then we can go.”

She didn’t love that she was already on edge. It was hardly the first time in her life that she was deliberately sitting down to spend a couple of hours with an unpleasant man, but it was still frustrating. She liked spending time with Agatha and Linden who were only occasionally frustrating, but they tended to get tense and catty with each other, and Nairi’s teeth were aching at the thought of dealing with that on top of Simon.

Well. They were usually catty, but when not talking about relationships they could be relied on to be friendly-catty rather than terse-catty.

Linden was sitting alone at one of the tall tables near the centre of the restaurant, and she waved at them as they approached, her smile wide. “Hey guys!” she said as Nairi sat down across from her, and if her smile was fake then she at least sounded pleased—or, well, relieved, at any rate.

“No boyfriend yet?” asked Agatha archly, sitting next to Nairi with a disapproving curve to her lips as their eyes met.

“He’s running late,” said Linden, clasping her hands together in front of her and making her bracelets jingle. “Promised he’d treat me to a nice big pie and dessert to make it up to me, though!”

“Nice of him,” said Nairi, snagging a complimentary breadstick, more out of habit than hunger.

“Very,” said Agatha, inspecting a menu without looking up.

Linden’s expression faltered. “Yeah,” she said anyway.

Nairi knocked their ankles together under the table in an attempt to reassure, and Linden flashed her a grateful look, the tension across her shoulders loosening a little. “Things are going well then?” she asked, pouring herself a glass of water and pushing the jug towards Agatha, who ignored her.

“As well as they can be,” said Linden, nodding a little too much, her bracelets jingling again. “I mean, things get bumpy occasionally, but we really haven’t known each other for long in like, the grand scheme of things. We already know we like each other, so we’re just feeling everything else out as we go.”

“Oh goodie,” muttered Agatha, pushing her glasses up her nose again before setting the menu down and joining the conversation. “Nick likes this one, then?”

Linden snorted. “Simon’s not that exceptional,” she said dismissively. “Nick thinks he’s too flaky.”

Agatha glanced at her watch conspicuously. “I wonderwhy.”

Linden gave her a sharp curve of a smile, darkly amused. “Look, that might be a dealbreaker for Nick, but he’s not the one dating him. I can handle a little flakiness, and besides, he’s working on it.”

“Is he working on anything else?”

“Yes,” said Linden, looking Agatha right in the eye. “Nick told me—I promise he won’t call you that ever again, I even slapped him around a little to make it stick.”

“Right,” said Agatha, unimpressed in the face of Linden’s humour. “Because if he does then I’m just going to leave. Why does he even talk like that in the first place?”

Linden wrinkled her nose. “It’s his masters, I swear, he spends his entire time with his nose up the ass of these old school poets, and then he like, forgets that language has changed in the last eighty years? It’s really annoying, he literally called me the ‘whore of Babylon’ the other day and then got offended when I told him to fuck off because I ‘didn’t get the compliment’.”

Nairi snorted.

“Oh! Such a catch! I suddenly understand why you’re so determined to make this relationship work,” drawled Agatha.

“It’s a better basis for a relationship than some I could name,” said Linden snidely, narrowing her eyes across the table.

Damn, Agatha’s last boyfriend must have been a real piece of work. “There’s always going to be worse relationships out there,” said Nairi diplomatically. “And I mean, people are even meeting and dating on the internet these days, everything starts somewhere.”

“Exactly,” said Linden, relaxing a little with a grin. “That’s a bad basis, we all know the internet’s for porn and arguing with strangers.”

“And LOLcats, don’t forget those,” said Agatha, nodding at her.

“How could I?” said Linden, her grin widening.

Nairi was saved from having to ask what the fuck a ‘LOLcat’ was by Simon’s arrival. “Hello ladies,” he said breezily, draping his coat over the back of the free chair with a waft of eau-de-cigarette over the table. He leaned in and kissed Linden’s cheek from behind before sitting. “Hello babe, sorry I’m late, transport was a bit of an issue.”

“You’re fine,” said Linden, smiling indulgently at him as he sat. “Just gave us time to work up an appetite.”

Thankfully, the process of deciding on pizzas and drinks, and then the conveying all of that information to the waitress meant that Nairi didn’t have to speak directly to Simon. It also meant that he didn’t try to speak with Agatha, who was coolly ignoring him from across the table with a total lack of eye contact that veered dangerously close to the border between ‘civility’ and ‘rudeness’.

Once the food actually arrived however, she was out of luck.

Pretty much every pizza on the menu that wasn’t explicitly vegetarian had some kind of bacon or ham or pork-based sausage in its toppings, so there wasn’t any quibbling or half-and-halfing on the one Nairi was sharing with Agatha. Simon, however, had ordered without asking Linden, which she’d ignored, much the same way she’d ignored Agatha’s quiet snort at him doing so. Nairi was about ninety percent certain Linden didn’t even like green peppers.

“So,” said Simon brightly, gesturing across the table with his wine glass. “How have you two been this week? Anything exciting?”

Agatha took an enormous bite of pizza and chewed loudly, glancing at Nairi. Nairi sighed internally and lowered her own slice to answer him. “Not terribly exciting. Work, mostly.”

“That’s right,” he said, chewing obnoxiously and giving Nairi a chance to start eating. Next to him, Linden was carefully tugging peppers off the surface of her pizza. “Lindy said you did some kind of fighting thing, right? MMA? Kickboxing? Sweaty punch ups in sports bras?”

“…I teach judo,” said Nairi eventually. “Early days at my dojo, I don’t have a lot of students yet, I’m afraid. Uh, Agatha’s working on a paper at the moment though, that’s a bit more interesting.”

“Really? What’s it about?” asked Simon, turning both his attention and his chewing maw towards Agatha.

“Diatomic elements,” said Agatha shortly. “It’s just about nucleics, I’m not reinventing the wheel or anything.”

Simon stared at her blankly. “Oh, of course. Uh, I’m afraid I’m not familiar, is your field—?”

“Chemistry,” supplied Agatha, turning her attention back to her dinner. “My PhD was on inorganic, but I’m still in the process of post-doc applications so I’m mostly twiddling my thumbs and writing contributions in the meanwhile.”

“Right,” said Simon, his face showing a total lack of comprehension. “Academia’s a lot like that, terribly stiff in the paperwork and appropriateness departments. The right body of work and all that—I know exactly how it feels, I was going to do my thesis on the erotic underpinnings of Virginia Woolf’s work and the reflection of her relationship with her husband, but my advisor was really very pushy about playing it safe and sticking to Eliot’s body of work in the immediate post-war era.”

“Oh yes, much safer,” said Agatha with no inflection in her tone.

Simon laughed loudly, leaning back in his chair and taking another long drink of his wine. “You know, Lindy said you had a sense of humour, and I must confess I didn’t quite believe her at first! Mistakes all around.”

He punctuated this with a conspiratorial wink across the table at her, though Nairi didn’t quite understand what was so funny about it. At a glance, neither did Agatha or Linden. Linden actually looked… embarrassed? It was only for a second, the expression gone almost as soon as Nairi noticed it, Linden covering the bottom half of her face with her glass as she took a sip.

“So how long have you two lovebirds been dating anyway?” Simon continued, not even glancing at Linden next to him with her small pile of peppers or his ignored slice of pizza on the plate in front of him.

“A few months,” said Nairi, her own dinner looking more unappetising by the second. “Since September, I think?”

“That’s about right,” said Agatha, the lines around the corners of her eyes easing as she glanced at Nairi. “Five or six months now.”

“Charming,” said Simon, polishing off his wine, smile bright and enthusiastic as he gestured. “You know I’ve always greatly enjoyed the figure of the lesbian, in real life as well as literature. Excising the men from the bed and the home—it’s always so representative of the purest form of womanhood, really illuminates the truth of femininity. And the politics of it! The ultimate commitment to the feminist ideal, the usurpation of the patriarchy from its most foundational stronghold in the home at the head of the family. Really brilliant stuff!”

Agatha’s eyebrows were somewhere around her hairline.

Linden laughed awkwardly, nudging Simon as she leaned in a little over her plate. “Well, I mean, it’s always gonna be a bit different from books, hun. People are people, real life is always more, uh—”

“Oh yes, yes, of course,” said Simon dismissively, nodding at her. “And writers have a tendency to exaggerate and eroticise that type of relationship as well.”

“And what exactly do you mean by that kind of relationship?” asked Agatha, tone sharp.

Nairi tensed as Simon opened his mouth and started bloviating again. Linden swallowed whatever she was going to say, giving up and quietly eating instead, leaning on one elbow.

Simon’s phone buzzed loudly, and he took a second to check it while Agatha sucked down on the straw in her water glass through her furious, pinched expression.

“Oh, I’m so sorry ladies,” he said, standing up as he punched a few buttons on his phone. “I have to run. I have thoroughlyenjoyed this discussion though, especially with you Miss Davids, we’ll have to do this again sometime—”

“Doctor,” corrected Agatha.

“Oh, that’s right, very good, attagirl!” said Simon breezily as he tugged his coat on, and a muscle in Agatha’s jaw visibly twitched.

“Oh, Si, really?” said Linden, frowning at him anxiously as he kissed her cheek. “But we were gonna go get ice cream af—”

“Really?” said Simon, with a piss-poor attempt at a surprised look. “I didn’t think so, babe, I had plans. There’s no need to end the night just because I’m leaving though! You should all have some fun, I’ll see you later, and I promise I’ll catch the next cheque!”

He was already walking away as he spoke, hand raised in farewell even as Linden opened her mouth in dismay. “Wait, Si, I can’t—and he’s out. Great.” She slumped in her seat as the door swung shut across the room and gave them a glum sort of smile. “Sorry guys, I kind of thought that would go better.”

“Really?” said Agatha under her breath, covering it with the movement of setting her glass down.

Nairi ignored it. “I mean, it’s not exactly your fault—” Agatha snorted “—do you want me to grab you a pizza you actually like?”

Linden gestured at Simon’s largely untouched pizza with an eyeroll. “No, I’ll live. Already gonna have to pay for this one.”

“I’ve got it,” said Nairi, tugging her wallet out. “May as well just pay for everything while I’m up. Do you want something a bit cheesier?”

Linden looked at her for a moment, expression unreadable, and then something in her relaxed and her mouth twitched into a wry smile. “Yeah. Thanks.”

Agatha turned her head as Nairi left the table, saying something she couldn’t quite hear. Her tone sounded dry rather than snappish, so Nairi didn’t think too hard about it. She got them another round of drinks while she was sorting out the extra pizza as well—it would probably go a ways to easing Agatha’s temper and cheering Linden up.

From the looks of things when she returned to the table though, they’d managed to have an argument in the few minutes she’d been gone.

“Better food and new drinks on the way,” she said, sliding into her seat and pretending she couldn’t see the angry twist in Linden’s lips, or the clenched tension in Agatha’s hands.

“Awesome,” said Linden, flashing her a sunny, fake smile as Agatha scoffed. “You know, I was just saying to Aggy that since this turned out to be such a bust that maybe we should try having a girl’s night instead, you know? Just us, maybe with Flo too.”

“Oh yeah,” said Nairi mildly, gently pressing the back of her hand against Agatha’s on the tabletop. “What did you have in mind?”

[awed-frog]

So I just learned through a documentary on arte (a French and German TV channel) that salmons eat soy... Like what? I mean not naturally of course but really i was so surprised. I know livestocks eat lot of soy but I didn't know fish ate this too. But people will continue to say that it's me the problem because I eat soy yogurt once in a while since I have trouble digesting cow milk, soy from my own country too... I hate it here

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. I didn’t know about salmons, but honestly I’m not surprised. There was that study about how vegans are the most despised group of society, just ahead of drug users (both things say a lot about who we are but okay), and there’s always a lot of glee and vitriol in people’s attacks against vegans - the main angles being a) vegans don’t give a shit about people because vegetables are basically picked by slaves (which, true - so what’s the solution? not eating any vegetable? and don’t omnivore eat vegetables too?), b) vegans don’t give a shit about people because they buy expensive foreign things like quinoa (which, again - there is a problem there, but then again there’s also a problem with buying strawberries in January and I never hear any shaming or outrage about it) and also c) vegans are somehow destroying the world’s primeval forests all on their own because they live off soy, and 98% of the soy we produce goes directly into their greedy mouths.

Like, for fuck’s sake.

I understand some vegans are annoying or sanctimonious or preachy, and I understand some vegans are assholes - you’ll find both types in any category of people - but the constant trash and misinformation that’s thrown at vegans...I don’t know. I think that research concluded people want to hate vegans because deep down, they know veganism is the way forward and are fearful of losing something as primal and lizard-brained as their own food preferences. They panic every time a new study says the less meat and dairy you eat, the better you feel, and they panic at those reports pointing at the meat industry and the damages it causes. So they ignore that stuff, and get angry.

But if it’s any consolation, the tide is (slowly) turning. I’ve been vegetarian or vegan for most of my life, and it’s never been so easy, so widely accepted, and such a fashionable concept as it is now. I can find tofu and recipe books anywhere, school and office cafeterias mostly offer vegetarian or even vegan options (even in France, where a law mandating a vegetarian meal in schools once a week almost caused a general strike because apparently professional cooks need to be specially trained to cook one thing without meat or fish??), and even the most blood-guzzling relatives I have are now mumbling about increasing their intake of green veggies and nuts ‘for their health’. Compare that to my teens, when a school cook once removed the ham from my slice of pizza with his fingers before handing it back to me and people used to say ‘Don’t worry, I know you’re vegetarian - I made chicken!’ - it’s a completely different world. So let’s endure the insults and the ridicule, anon. It won’t last.

(As for your lactose intolerance - I recently discovered coconut yogurt, and it’s really good. It’s not very nutritious, mostly fat and taste, but if you want some variety, I highly recommend it. And of course, goat and sheep yogurt are often an option for people who have trouble with cow products, so if you’re vegetarian you could also try that!)

[a-bit-of-owlish-fun]

Quarantine Shopping and Meal Planning

So I asked about this over on @steve-rogers-new-york​ and there was a positive response, so here we go. Date: 15 March 2020

Before I start, let me be clear that I am not a professional, just someone who deals with stress by planning, and who has some experience with emergency preparedness having lived in New Zealand during the more recent large earthquakes. Feel free to correct me or make positive additions. For clarity, I am currently in Ontario Canada, and cooking for one person, but have made allowances to feed my unprepared housemate in a pinch.

Priorities with this Pandemic Planning

Unlike some other emergency preparedness priorities, power, water, and phone do not appear to be issues. So you have greater flexibility with what you can make and keep. Your priority should be having a comfortable amount of food on hand in case you cannot leave the house. Don’t go nuts, don’t overbuy, and don’t buy thoughtlessly.

Planning What to Get and Make

When thinking about what to buy and what to make, you want to consider a few things:

How many meals do you need to make? That is, how many people are you feeding and for how long? Calculate the number of meals you need in total and make sure you have enough meals planned to cover those. Obviously, if you can prepare for more than that is good, but don’t go too nuts.

How many portions can a recipe make? You don’t want to be making single-serve meals. It’s inefficient and short-sighted. So pick recipes that make large quantities, that can be portioned up in containers to be chilled or frozen.

Am I being efficient with my ingredients? Are the quantities listed in regularly used recipes the most practical for your current ingredient availability? For example, if you’re making a stew with beef, but beef is in short supply, half the amount the recipe asks for, and then bulk up on potatoes, carrots, zucchini, etc.

What ingredients will last best? Don’t JUST get non-perishables! That just sounds miserable. I’ve had no issue so far getting fruit and vegetables, and if you’re smart with your choices and storage fresh foods can be good choices. This when picking items how long they will hold in your fridge or if they’re freezable.

Don’t forget about breakfast and Lunch!

If money is tight and buying ahead is challenging. Think laterally. Make use of dollar stores like Dollarama, Dollar Tree, or whatever your local variant is. They will often have a great range of shelf-stable foods like pasta, rice, canned goods, and other ingredients at really low prices. And from my experience so far, they seem to have passed the attention of many shoppers and are still in good stock-levels. Start there first, hit multiple ones to get a good variety, then shop at supermarkets for whatever you cannot get there. The quality is good, sometimes brand-names, and they can be far superior than supermarket prices.

Do you have a large stockpot, fry pan, and deep baking dish to make these large meals? If not, see about getting them. Large lasagne pans and other kitchen items can be found cheap at many dollar stores.

Don’t have a car? Me neither. Grab a backpack and some good re-usable bags and make multiple trips for heavier items like cans. Also, consider grocery delivery services. They can be hit and miss right now, as it’s harder to adapt to products being unavailable. This being said, they can be a good way to get bulk, heavier items to your house. Also, consider asking friends or family to get you items when they go and drop them off to you.

What Foods Hold Well and Go Far

Non-Perishables that can extend meals

Pasta and Noodles — Pasta is a great item for entending a meal. Be it soups, stir-fry, oven-bake, or just able anything, you can either cook-in, mix-in, or have as a plain side. They bulk up a meal and make it go further.

Rice  — Same as above.

Lentils and Other Legumes — Lentils are great for bulking up and extending soups and stews. Also consider chickpeas, beans, and other legumes.

Potatoes — Potatoes are great! The can be a great base, addition, or side to many many meals. While these will not last indefinitely, if you keep them cool and dark then they will last quite some time.

Non-Perishable Ingredients and Flavouring

Canned Vegetables — Don’t be picky. Yes, get fresh veggies where you can, but also suck it up and get some canned goods as a back-up. Carrots, peas, beans, tomatoes, all that. They’re good, they taste fine, and go well in so many recipes.

Canned Fruit — Many fruits have a shorter shelf-life, so consider some canned alternatives.

Herbs and Spices — Make sure you have a nice spread of these. It’s easy to grab the base ingredients for food, but if you don’t have something to flavour those meals with, you’ll have a miserable time.

Sauces — Same as above.

Canned Tomatoes and Tomato Paste — Yes, I’m listing this separately because of their versatility. With canned tomatoes, you can make soups, spaghetti, lasagne, chilli, curry...so damn much. So grab a good stock of these.

Perishables

Eggs — Eggs are so damn versatile. Get eggs. When kept in the fridge they keep for a good long time.

Vegetables — Think smart. Get items you know last well in your fridge, and avoid items you usually have to throw-out or use-up within a week or two.

Fruit — Same.

Breads — Same. Also, consider freezing loaves if you have the space to do so. It tastes just as good as fresh, honest.

Frozen

If you have the capacity to get things frozen or to freeze them. Do it. Frozen peas, corn, stir-fry veggies, meats...they last well and taste good.

My Grocery List

This is what I have been buying myself. Not all at once but in multiple trips over the last couple of weeks.

Pantry

Top-up herbs and spices: ground cumin, garam masala, oregano, basil.

Spaghetti pasta

Spiral pasta

Lasagne pasta sheets

Large bag of rice

Flour

Canned tomatoes (4 large cans)

Tomato paste

Canned asparagus

Canned coconut milk (2 cans)

Lentils

Potatoes (6 large)

Onions

Fridge

Eggs (12pc)

Milk

Cheese

Zucchinis (3)

Carrots (large bag)

Lemons (2)

Limes (2)

Bag of spinach

Bell pepper (1)

Crescent Rolls

Freezer

Peas

1kg minced beef

750g stewing beef

Box stuffed chicken breasts (I love ham and cheese and a good addition to any meal)

500g lamb (for curries)

500g stir-fry beef

Household

ONE pack of toilet paper. Seriously. Just get what you personally need.

A couple of small packs of cheap toilet paper from the dollar store.

Pack paper towels

Any cooking materials like tin-foil, parchment paper, that I use regularly.

3-pack tissues (I have killer allergies so I’ll always need them)

Plastic containers for portioning meals in the fridge or freezer.

Meals I have Planned

These aren’t full recipes, but rather a list of ingredients and volumes for grocery references. I might write-up full recipes later if people are interested. 

Lasagne

This is my fav vegetarian lasagne that also have minced meat. It makes around 6-8 servings (depending on home much you eat and size of baking dish).

Lasagne sheets (dried) or just those baby lasagne pasta if you like them better. 4 cups Milk 250g Cheese Butter Flour Nutmeg Chicken stock 3 Large Carrots 3 Large Zucchini Large bag of fresh spinach leaves 400g Canned Tomatoes Fresh/Jarred Garlic 500g minced beef Light Herbs (oregano, basil, etc to taste, but not too much)

Vegetable Stew

Technically a soup, but I never blend it and just eat it as is. Makes 3-4 servings alone and 5-8 servings when served with cooked rice.

2 cups dried lentils (soaked overnight) 1 Large Can Tomatoes (not pre-herbed, just used plain) 2 cups Chicken or Vegetable Stock 2 Large Carrots cubed 2 Large Zucchinis (quartered then cubed) Fresh/Jarred Garlic 1 Tbsp Cumin 1 tsp Ground Coriander Fresh Coriander (lots) Fresh ground peppercorn

Beef Stew

500g Stewing Beef 3 Large Potatoes cubed 3 Large Carrots cubed 1-2 cups Frozen Peas Fresh/Jarred Garlic 2-3 Tbsp Flour Fresh ground peppercorn 1 Large Onion 3-4 cup Beef Stock 3 Tbsp Tomato Paste Rosemary 2 Tbsp Cornstarch

D.’s Curry

This is just and random mash-up curry I make. It can be cooked with or without lamb and both taste great. It is not spicy. Makes 2-3 servings

2 Large Onions (one minces with spaces, one sliced) Fresh/Jarred Garlic Fresh/Jarred Ginger Ground Cumin Ground Coriander Ground Cardamon Whole Cardamon Seeds Whole Cumin Seeds Garam Masala 300ml Uncooked Rice (then cook it, obviously)

Closing thoughts

Once you have these items, don’t use them. Carry on like normal and don't use these items unless you need them. Now I have my meals planned, I am back to making normal meals with what I can get. Always have that TWO WEEK buffer on hand at all times.

Purchase your groceries gradually. Don’t buy out in one go, be considerate. Take only what you need.

Visit multiple locations, sell-outs are not the same everywhere and while one supermarket may be sold out of something, another may still have a fresh stock.

More stocks WILL come. So if you cannot find something, make alternate plans, find a substitute, and return every now and then to check stocks. Supermarkets are constantly restocking as they can.

Be kind to customer service workers. They are just trying to get through this like you are. They are not paid well, have no control over their employers' stocks or decisions. They have the same stress you do and you being an asshole is just causing them MORE stress they do not deserve. Be. Kind. Be. Understanding.

Support others. Friends, family, neighbours, co-workers. We do this together.

DON’T STRESS OUT! Be prepared. Be aware. But don’t become overwhelmed, it will all be FINE. We just have to adapt and ride it out <3

I hope this was helpful. Have further suggestions or any corrections, please do let me know, I’m always happy to correct myself. If you have any questions feel free to comment and message me. And if you want those full recipes likewise let me know!

[wroughtbetwixtfanfic]

Love, Blood, And Rhetoric, Ch 4.

Fandom: The Society.

Summary: Campbell’s just trying to survive in the new world. He knows he can make it– it’s everyone else he’s worried about.

Rating: Mature.

Tags: Canon Divergence, Mental Health Issues, Family Issues, Substance Abuse, Complicated Relationships, Consent Issues, Antisocial Personality Disorder, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Character Death, Mild Sexual Content, assuming Elle and Campbell are both 18 for the sake of things, Underage Drinking, PTSD, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, implied eating disorder, Fix-It, Campbell has mild ASPD, and is actively trying to not be awful

Word Count: 4295

Ch 1 || Ch 2 || Ch 3 || Ch 5 || AO3

It was week one of the new rules.

The first day, a group text  went out saying that food people already at home could be kept, but  anything still in stores would be rationed immediately. People had three  days to pack and move homes. Work schedules were posted at the church.  Campbell felt relieved at getting clean-up duty; it would keep him busy  and give him something constructive to do. Unfortunately for Elle, she  got stuck with meal prep for lunch. She sighed, but gave him a little  wave and made her way to the cafeteria to start.

He hadn't known  what to expect when he got to the hardware store, but it was bad.  Broken out windows, a burned out car, lights smashed out. There were  some other guys already there, passing out tools and making lists of  what needed to be done. Grizz showed up with an SUV to tow away the  burned car; Campbell helped him hook it up, before moving on to some  poor sucker who was looking at a ladder like it was going to bite him.

"Here, I've got it. It's alright."

The  boy looked cautious, and a little confused, but then he offered a weak  smile of gratitude. "Thanks. I don't do well with heights."

"I don't mind." Campbell shimmied up and eyed the lights that needed to be replaced. "Have someone send me up some bulbs, yeah?"

Everyone  worked until a text went out that it was time to eat. Lunch was almost a  nightmare. Campbell had known from the start that, at some point, he  was going to have to face the fact that avoiding meat was no longer an  option. It had been ten years. It still made his stomach turn thinking  about it, but well, there wasn't going to be a lot of room to be picky.  Lucky for him, this time, there was a vegetarian option.

"I  convinced them to make a plain marinara," Cassandra said quietly as she  sat next to him at a secluded table in the corner. "But we won't be able  to do that forever."

Campbell stabbed a piece of pasta,  pretending it was his uncle's face. It was their family's fault they  were in this mess to begin with. "Thanks. We should gather up a list of  people with allergies, though. They're gonna matter more in the long  run."

"True. Lily has been asking about gluten, and I don't  think it was just a fad diet thing. We can't have what happened to Emily  happen to anyone else. Maybe we could have a dedicated space in the  kitchen for people with allergies. Or even use a kitchen in another  restaurant."

"You're also gonna have to figure out what to do for people who are diabetic or just need different meal times."

"Yeah. Well, this is just the first day; it's going to take some time to get it perfect. We'll figure something out."

"Of course." Campbell glanced up from his food. "How's the ticker going?"

"I  have enough medicine to last me a while. Longer, if I take the bare  minimum. Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere any time soon."

"Good. What are you doing over here, anyways? You're just starting to get some good PR."

"Mm, I actually have a question for you. You know that I've formed a committee to help figure things out around here."

"I saw."

"I  was wondering if you wanted in." Cassandra held up her hand when Campbell opened his mouth to object. "I asked Harry, but he said no. If  you were there, I don't know, maybe he'd feel less bitter."

"Oh, I highly doubt that. We're having a little not-exactly-lovers quarrel at the moment."

"Please,  Campbell? You're realistic, you're brutally honest when it counts, and we  need someone who can be objective. It'd be good for you."

"Why don't you ask Allie?"

Cassandra  hesitated. "She and I already had a fight over that. I told her the  town would see us as the same person, but..." She let out a slow exhale.  "Allie is too impulsive. She doesn't listen."

"And you think the relationship between you two will smooth over if she knows you picked me over her? No, Cassie. Hard pass."

"You said yourself, you're the idea guy."

"Then  write my ideas down and pass them off as someone else's ideas, if you  want anyone to agree to them. No one will take you seriously with me  there, and then we'll all be fucked."

Biting her lip, Cassandra  leaned back in the plastic chair and examined her hands. "Fine. But  still, Harry is going to be a problem. You know that, right?"

Of  course he knew it. Harry wasn't a bad person, not really. Like most  guys their age, he was young and foolish and had a mouth he never really  knew when to shut. He was avoidant, insecure, and took things way too  personally. He was still pissed Cassandra won class president, and that  had been months ago. Yeah, he was gonna be a problem. Campbell munched  on his garlic bread while he considered the options, not that there were  many. "I'll see if I can talk some sense into him. Get him to join the  committee."

"I'm sure he would, if you said something. He listens to you. He trusts you."

"Maybe  he trusts me, but he doesn't listen to me. Harry's a frightened puppy  who falls behind whoever he think can protect him. But he doesn't listen  to anyone."

"But you'll try? For me?"

"For you."

"Thanks, Campbell."

She  smiled, and then she was gone, off to go do leaderish things. Campbell  sighed to himself, finishing his lunch and heading back to work; he  didn't get to see Elle, but they were all busy and trying to get used to  their new lives. There'd be time to talk later. Him, he had an entire  street of shops to help repair. With them all working together, the  hardware store was almost completely cleaned up by the end of the day.  They still needed to fix the other stores, but it was slightly less of  an eyesore, and Campbell was too tired to think about what was in the  stuff Will's crew served for dinner.

The days oozed by, and  Campbell settled into the routine of it. He really only got to see Elle  in the mornings and after the work day was over, but at least there was  always enough time to cuddle in and read or watch a movie together. It  was quiet. Peaceful. She never asked much of him, and he didn't expect  anything from her. Was that what it felt like, to have a normal life?  Whatever it was, Campbell found himself slowly, very slowly, starting to  relax.

"You're in a better mood," Cassandra commented the next  day at breakfast as she hung up prom posters outside the cafeteria;  Elle and a few others gave them a long glance as she walked by. "I think  you might be the only one."

"Who knew that all I needed to get  my head right was to ditch the assholes making me miserable? I don't  know, like all this sucks in a lot of ways, but there's no snotty soccer  moms looking down their noses at me."

"Mental health symptoms often improve with a decrease in stress."

Campbell  reflected on the last few days. Any time he walked around town, before,  he felt like people were staring at him. Whispering about him.  Paranoia? Maybe, but Campbell knew plenty of times he'd entered a room  of chattering people and had it go silent. West Ham didn't take kindly  to oddities. Since they'd arrived at this strange clone of West Ham,  though, that sort of thing had eased up. He still wasn't eager to be  around people or associate too closely with Cassandra, just in case, but  a sort of uneasy truce had fallen over the town. People were trying to  get along. Those who couldn't manage to be civil to Campbell just left  him alone. It didn't seem a coincidence that Campbell's temper had  mellowed at the same time.

He didn't expect it to last. If  there was one thing he'd noticed over the years, it was that his best  behavior came and went on a regular basis. It's not like he ever stopped  being what he was. ASPD, anxiety, depression, OCD, whatever people had  going on in their heads, it didn't just disappear, even when things  seemed better. It just meant people were coping. But it was still a  break from the constant screaming inside his head, and the ever-present  anger was just a dull simmer. He'd take it, even if it wasn't  permanently gone.

Will passed out little cards to everyone,  asking about dietary requirements. All anonymous. Elle managed to join  Campbell for lunch, filling out her little card next to him. He let her  peek over at his, and she let out a little hum. "I noticed that you  didn't eat meat. When did you become vegetarian?"

"When I was little. Saw a dead animal, never got over it."

"At least we have someone who'll eat all the tofu we've got in the freezers."

"Yum,  yum. Love me some bean curd." Campbell leaned over and kissed Elle  lightly on the shoulder. "I did wanna ask you something. I saw you  looking at the prom posters. Wanna go with me? It might be fun."

Elle's eyes brightened. "You want to take me to prom?"

"Of course I do."

"I thought you didn't like crowds?"

"Well, if it's for you, I can handle one evening of socializing."

The  thought turned his stomach a little, but Elle let out a happy sound and  tugged him into a tight hug; her curled his arms around her and  breathed in her scent, smiling. He knew he wasn't a great person. He'd  fucked up more times than he could count. But things were looking up,  and he wanted Elle to be happy. If that meant a night of dressing up  like a yuppie and swaying around to bad music, Campbell would suck it up  for her.

He sneaked a look at one of her dresses that night  when she was in the shower. Cassandra allowed the clean up crew to take  one item they wanted or needed as payment for a job well done, so  Campbell chose a royal blue dress from one of the fancy shops downtown.  It was more revealing than anything else Elle had, but Campbell had seen  the kind of magazines Elle read, and would see her fawning over the  super skinny models with sexy clothes. Maybe she was just too scared to  buy something like that for herself.

In all the way things were  changing for the better, one thing had changed for the worse. Harry was  ignoring Campbell. He'd ended up with dinner serving duty for the next  three weeks; the algorithm was random, according to Gordie, but Campbell  wondered if someone hadn't fudged it a little to teach Harry some  humility. It didn't seem to be working. Instead, Harry was withdrawing  into himself, and completely brushed past Campbell at dinner to go sit  alone, slumped over and picking at his food.

Maybe most people  didn't notice or care, but Cassandra picked up on it five or six days  after the big argument. She tugged Campbell aside at lunch, crossing her  arms over her chest. "What did you do to Harry? He's acting like he's  been kicked."

"Ever considered maybe it's the fact that he went  from being a rich pretty boy on his way to law school, to dishing out  slop and having his home become the opening scene from Home Alone?"

"Seriously? That's it?"

"I  told you some people were gonna take it hard, being forced to share  spaces. We're not the only people here with problems, you know." Campbell glanced over to where Harry was sitting. Harry looked back at him for a split second, then turn away. "Some of us have lost more than  others."

Cassandra pursed her lips. "I'm not changing the plan.  If we run out of water or electricity, he's going to be in even worse  shape."

"You asked. I answered."

"And that's really it?"

"Yeah," Campbell lied. "Yeah, that's it."

Cassandra  didn't look convinced, but she let it drop. Thank fuck for that.  Campbell didn't know what he was supposed to do. Their fight must have  been part of the problem, considering Harry was avoiding him like the  plague, but Campbell had been as nice as possible about it. And what did  Harry expect, anyways? Right place, wrong time. It wasn't that Campbell  had magically moved on. There was still a familiar longing in the back  of his mind. At the end of the day, though, Campbell was going home to  Elle. He was cooking snacks for Elle, playing Scrabble with Elle,  practicing Spanish with her and listening to her sing in French while  they cleaned the house. She didn't know Campbell's deep, dark secret,  and she didn't ask; they just existed together, and damn it, Campbell  was happy.

Sometimes you had to give up on one love, to keep another. Even if it hurt like hell.

Whatever  heartache Campbell had left faded the night before prom. He folded the  dress he'd gotten Elle up and placed it in a box, presenting it to her  at dinner. "I hope it's okay," he said. "I kinda had to guess what you'd  like."

"What's in it?"

"Just a little something for prom."

Elle  perked up, pushing aside her dinner of lettuce and water to take the  box. She lifted the lid and pulled the top of the dress out, her eyes  going wide as she examined it. A light blush crossed her cheeks. "Oh!  Campbell, I don't know if I can accept this."

"Don't worry, I didn't steal it or anything like that. I got it for cleaning up downtown. You don't like it?"

"No, I... I love it. I do, thank you."

Campbell took her hand and brushed his thumb across her skin. The stammer in her voice didn't lie. "There's something wrong."

"I  really do like it. It's just..." Elle frowned. She squeezed his hand,  looking over to the pile of plain lettuce on her plate. "I've been  trying to lose some weight, and it shows a lot of skin. I don't know."

"There's nothing wrong with your body, Elle. You're gorgeous just the way you are."

"Say that to every major magazine."

"With  the models who are airbrushed to convince you that you need to buy all  sorts of expensive junk, and every other week there's some new bullshit  miracle diet?"

"Campbell, that's not--"

He shook his  head, cutting her off before she could defend those trashy rags. "Just  try it on. If you don't like it, we can raid someone's closet and find  something more conservative, but you deserve to feel as beautiful as I  think you are."

"Fine." Elle leaned in and gave Campbell a  chaste peck on his lips. Their first kiss. She smiled a little and  pulled away, before Campbell could kiss her back. "Thank you. I guess I  really would rather have a bagel with this."

"Then we shall go home and find you a bagel."

"And cream cheese?"

"Absolutely."

They  got up and were heading towards the door when they passed by Harry's  table. He was sitting with one of the majorly unpopular kids, whispering  something about offering up his expensive cars in exchange for...  something. Campbell paused. Trading workshifts? It was against the  rules. It'd be easy enough to just let Harry go ahead, get caught, and  get who knew what sort of punishment. But Campbell knew Harry wasn't  just being lazy. He was struggling. Getting punished for having a hard  time adjusting didn't seem right.

"Are you okay?" Elle asked.

"Yeah, I just need to talk to Harry. Can you go on ahead and I'll catch up to you?"

"Sure. I'll be outside."

The  first kid had turned Harry down, so he'd moved on to some poor ginger  who looked like he'd never had an ounce of fun in his life. "Move!"  Campbell barked at him. The kid picked up and scrambled away without a  single glance back. Harry glared at Campbell as he sat down, but  Campbell barely blinked. Harry could just be mad about it. "What are you  doing? Trying to get out of work is just going to make things worse for  you."

"This is fucking humiliating," Harry snapped. "The others  talk down to me like I'm a child, or haven't worked a day in my life.  Nineteen people moved into my house and no one even bothered to see if  they were people I'd get along with. They don't pick up after  themselves, they make messes everywhere--"

"Hey, hey. Breathe. Let me talk to Cassandra about it after prom. Everyone will be in a better mood then."

"I don't care. I'm done."

"What do you mean?"

Harry opened his mouth, then shut it again. "Nothing. I didn't mean anything. I'm just frustrated, okay?"

It  was a complete lie. Campbell knew exactly what Harry was talking about.  "Come spend a couple days at my house. We have room. There's some food  left, too. You can get some rest and I'll make us lunch. We can play  some video games or something."

"I can't."

"Harry, c'mon. Don't do this to yourself."

"That  house is all I have left of my family, Cam. Maybe you don't miss your  parents, but I miss my mom. I miss my sister. I miss my..." Harry's  voice cracked. He shook his head and curled in on himself. "I'll be  okay. Just give me some time. Please."

Campbell sat down next to  Harry. Harry sighed, but didn't move as Campbell leaned a little  closer. "I can give you time, but listen to me. Remember when we first  met as Cassandra's party?"

"Yeah, I do."

"You told me  that you'd decide for yourself what I was like. You didn't care what  anyone else said. Have I ever done you wrong, in all this time?"

"No. You haven't."

"Then  do what I'm telling you now. You think I like picking up trash?  Cleaning up after the fucks that were at your party, after they went all  apeshit on the town? No. But you need to play it smart until we get  back home. Understand?"

"Did Cassandra tell you to say that to me?"

"In  case you haven't noticed, Cassandra and I are related. We share the  common sense genes. I'd be telling you this either way."

Harry  gave a hollow chuckle. "We're not gonna get home, you know. Something's  wrong here. The committee of hers won't find anything. We fucked up,  somehow, and now we're trapped."

"Then the smartest thing you can do is smile, nod, and try to get along. I don't want you getting hurt."

"Yeah.  I get it. Must be the apocalypse, if you're getting all worried about  me." Harry looked to Campbell. He smiled, just for a split second,  before it faded again. "You better get going. I know Elle's waiting for  you."

Well, that was a dismissal. Campbell stood and left; Elle  was waiting for him under the trees, the fading summer light making  shadows from the leaves dance across her skin. He was lucky. Damn lucky. That's what he had to focus on. They went home and Elle tried on the dress, keeping the door locked so he couldn't peek; she came out in her  pajamas, with a bashful smile on her face.

"It fits," she said. "I'll wear it."

"Aw, I don't get to see?"

"You get to see tomorrow night."

Campbell  pouted, but laughed when Elle grabbed his hand and tugged him into his  room for a particularly ruthless game of Battleship. He lost twice, but  it was worth it. Elle had a cute little way she'd smile when she got a  hit, and she'd throw her fists up into the air when she won.

"I  guess you win the night," Campbell said as he plucked the little red and  white pegs from his board. "Unless you wanna make this next game winner  takes all?"

"What does the winner get?"

"Whatever they want."

Elle  tapped her index finger on her lips. "Hmm." Her eyes narrowed, and she  seemed to regard him with hint of suspicion, but then she shrugged and  picked up her board. "I'll take that bet."

Sucked for her,  because Campbell won the last round. Elle groaned and pretended to flip  her board, before flopping backwards onto the bed. Campbell smirked. "Do  you concede?"

"Never." Elle peered over at him. "What do you want for your prize, if I did?"

"Maybe you could stay with me tonight?"

"Just sleeping?"

"Just sleeping."

He  didn't want to be alone. Not after all the shit with Harry. Not that  he'd admit to it, because he was trying to ignore it and trying not to  look like a fool in front of Elle, but it struck a nerve he hadn't felt  take a hit in a long time. He hated having useless emotions. And in  situations like the one they were in, pining over your best friend when  you had someone who liked you already was about as useless an emotion as  you could get.

"Okay, but I get breakfast in bed tomorrow."

"Deal."

Campbell  waited until Elle bounced off to take a shower, and then texted Dillon.  He was a member of the committee, so Cassandra must have trusted him a  little, and he was one of the least offensive people who was living in  Harry's home. Hey, can you keep an eye on Harry? He's not talking to me and I need someone to call me if anything's wrong.

Sure I can do that, Dillon texted back.

Thanks. Drumming his fingers on the phone, Campbell opened his texts and scrolled down to Harry's messages. I was serious about everything I've said, okay? If you need me, call.  

There  was no reply. Campbell hadn't expected one, but he hoped it was because  Harry was pissed still and not because Harry had gone and done  something terrible. It was tempting to just go over there. He should  have, he knew he should have, but Elle was standing in the doorway of  his room in her cutest pajamas with a little smile on her face. It was  late, and Campbell didn't want to run out on Elle. If something was  wrong, Dillon would call.

Elle turned out the lights and curled  up with Campbell in bed. resting her head on his shoulder. He drifted  off first. The last thing he remembered was her kissing his temple, and  tugging the blankets up around him. When he woke up the next morning,  Elle was sleeping on his arm, and he couldn't feel his fingers. Campbell  managed to wiggle loose without waking her up. A quick glance at his  phone revealed no new messages, no calls. He sighed. Maybe no news was  good news after all.

Breakfast in bed was the last of the eggs,  done up as an omelette with cheese and the a scrap of ham that needed to  be eaten before it went bad. Campbell stared at the inside of the  fridge. Soon, they would have no choice but to just go to the cafeteria  for all their meals. All that would be left soon was the stuff in the  freezer or in tubs. Emergency provisions. If things went sideways and no  one managed to figure out food, he didn't trust most of the populace to  make sure he and Elle survived.

"Hey," Elle yawned as she came down the stairs. "That smells good."

Campbell closed the fridge and tried to look as cheerful as possible. "Morning. I thought you wanted breakfast in bed?"

"Kinda, but I wanted to come help more. Want me to make coffee?"

"Sure."

Watching  her pad around the kitchen and make coffee was a joy in and of itself.  She yawned again, rubbing her eyes and running a hand through her  tussled hair. Campbell grinned as she loaded up the coffee pot and zoned  out watching it. Precious. She was precious. There weren't many people  that he'd felt he would do anything to defend-- Sam, Cassandra, Harry--  but he knew right at that moment that whatever happened in the future,  he would do whatever it took to make sure she was okay.

She caught him staring. "What's wrong?"

Campbell  opened his mouth, words right on the tip of his tongue. You're  beautiful. You're important to me. I think I... But then his phone  buzzed in his pocket. "Nothing's wrong. I'm just glad we both like dark  roast."

"Drink of the gods."

He murmured an agreement as  he pulled out his phone and checked the messages. He paused, blinked. It  was from Sam. It was short and to the point, which was unlike Sam. Can I come over?  Campbell frowned. It wasn't that he didn't want to see Sam. He wanted  to. But what did Sam want? More of his things? Maybe he was worried  Campbell had gotten rid of stuff. Who knew what shit their parents had  convinced Sam that Campbell could, or would, capable of.

Campbell replied, curiosity getting the better of him. What time?

Now, came Sam's answer.

 Okay. See you soon.

"Who's that?" Elle wondered as Campbell tossed the phone onto the counter.

"Sam. He's coming over in a few minutes."

"Oh? Is everything okay?"

Campbell  shrugged, stroking Elle's shoulder as he walked towards the front door.  "He probably just forgot something he needed or has something from  Cassandra. I'm sure everything's fine."

Either way, he was about to find out.

[fanficwriter013]

The Tower Holiday Special - Part Two

The Tower Holiday Special: An Avengers Fanfic

Part One | Two

Word Count: 4610

Warnings:   Fluffy fluff.  Some funny dialogue.

Synopsis:   After Tony announces to the world that the Avengers are in a polyamorous relationship together, things become tense.  Elly decides that they could use some holiday cheer and gets all their friends involved.

Author’s Note: As promised part 2, and you only had to wait less than twenty-four hours for it. Written with the salted carmel Sagittarian @emilyevanston. Happy, Merry Festivus.

Holiday Special - Part Two

Since joining the Avengers, Wanda had not had really had anyone to celebrate Hanukkah or any of her holidays with.  It was something that she did with Pietro until they’d unwittingly signed their bodies over to HYDRA.  She still celebrated, but you could tell she missed Pietro.

Because we were celebrating a holiday, when normally they didn’t, I wanted to make sure she knew she wasn’t alone.  That I was her family and if she wanted to have someone to share that with I could be that person.

So on the first day of Hanukkah, I spent the morning cooking latkes, sufganiyot and kugel and left them to cool while I went up to work.  After work, I showered and got dressed and headed over to Wanda’s apartment laden down with food and gifts.  I knocked on her door and heard the words, ‘Just a minute, sweetheart.’  In my mind as the sound of things being hastily moved around happened inside.

The door opened and Wanda popped her head out.

“Happy Hanukkah!”  I said with a big stupid grin on my face and holding up the plates of food.  “I’ve been cooking.”

Wanda kissed my cheek and took the plate stepping out of the doorway so I could come in.  “Thank you.  You didn’t have to do that you know?”

“I know I didn’t.  But I love you, and it’s your holiday.  You’re celebrating ours with us, so…”  I held up two small wrapped gifts.

Wanda put the food down on the coffee table and we both sat down on the couch.  She curled herself into me and took the presents, kissing me on the tip of the nose.  “You’re too sweet.”

“I can’t tell you how hard it was to keep this a secret,”  I said as she opened up the dreidel and gelt.  “I thought we could play.  I know, it’s for kids or whatever, but…”

Wanda put her finger on my lips.  “I could tell you were hiding something when you started singing ‘Sucker for Pain in your head at random times.”  She said.  “And it sounds good, sweetheart.  I would love to do that.”

I let out a sigh of relief as Wanda picked up a latkes and tore a piece off.  “You know there’s better ways to keep things secret from me.  You can ask me not to snoop around.  Or there’s Natasha’s favorite.  Thinking in other languages.”

“I don’t know any other languages.”  I joked, “So earworms it is.”

Wanda rolled her eyes.

We spent the night eating and playing and she taught me the song to sing as she lit the candle.  The following day Sam joined us.  Then Nat and Bucky.  Then Vision.  By the eighth day, the whole group had come to celebrate too.  Wanda and I spent the day teaching Vis to cook.  It felt like something had shifted in the group.  Like they’d discovered that there was another level to what being a family was.

Gift hunting for Tony wasn’t as easy as I had hoped.  For real, what do you buy a guy who has billions of dollars?  He’s not the most sentimental person in the world either.  In fact, the Iron Suits and his cars are the only things that he seems to hold on to.

I kept thinking, I can’t just get him lingerie for me.  That’s so lazy.  Then I got it in my head, the first real date we went on was to Shake Shack.  Maybe I could buy Shake Shack.  I mean, how much money could it be?  It’s a small shack that makes burgers.

Turns out a lot.  It costs a lot.  Not for that venue.  That venue wasn’t for sale.  Nor were any.  It was a publicly listed company.  So then I had it in my head that I’d buy him shares.  However, the shares weren’t exactly cheap and I knew he wouldn’t be happy with just some shares.  He’d want controlling shares.

So after speaking with his lawyers and accountants and everyone giving me the go ahead because it was a growing business with steadily growing share rates I went to see Tony.  Really feeling confident.  Okay, so I wasn’t buying him this exactly, I was investing his money.  My gift was an investment into something that meant something to us.

So I headed into his lab.  He was right in the zone.  Hyper-focused on whatever he was working on.  I went up behind him and just rested my chin on his shoulder and wrapped my arms around his waist waiting for him to acknowledge me.  To my surprise, it happened really fast.  He immediately started closing what he was working on down.   “Hey, no no. You said we weren't supposed to know anything about these things before we did the gift exchange.”

“Oh was that a gift thing?  I didn’t look.  Is it for me?  Did you get me?”  I babbled excitedly.

“It was a gift thing. Not for you.”  Tony said.  “Besides, you were the one that made all these rules.”

“Okay.  Well, I didn't look.  So it's all good.  No surprises ruined.”  I said kissing his cheek and stepping back so he could turn around.  He spun in his chair and wrapped his arms around my waist looking up at him.  It was in this very moment that I realized how fucking insane what I was about to ask for actually was.  “I kind of have... fuck... I don't even know how to ask for this.”

“Whoa, that sounds like something I would say.”  Tony teased.  “What's going on? Do you need lawyers? Your own suit?”

I had a vision of myself flying around and being part of the team in my own version of the Iron Man armor.  I liked how it looked and for a moment I was completely distracted from what I went in there for.  “Is my own suit an option?”  I asked, looking around the room at the different suits.  “No.  Shut up, Elly.”  I said shaking my head to clear it of thoughts of being a new superhero.  “I need money.  Like a lot.   A lot of money.”

Tony looked at me with a mix of curiosity and excitement.  I knew what was going through his head.  I never asked for money.  I hated taking money.  He was about to get the thing he wanted.  He could spoil me for a change.  “What's a lot of money?”

“A hundred million and some change,”  I said spewing the words out as fast as I could and regretting saying it immediately.  I dropped my eyes and tried to pull away from him.  “No never mind.  This is dumb.  I don't even know why I thought this was a good idea.”

He tightened his arms around me.  “Hey, wait.  You know that’s nothing to me right?  It’s like $10 for you.  Pocket change.  No big deal at all.  I just need to get my checkbook.”

I looked at him like he’d lost his fucking mind.  I felt like I’d lost mine that’s for sure.  “You’re not even going to ask what it’s for?”

“No, why would I?’  He asked.  “I told you, it's ten dollars. Not a big deal. I have it, I can give it to you. I'm just really excited that you're finally asking me for money. Wait, that didn't sound right.”

I laughed and buried my face in his neck.  I felt really overwhelmed and unworthy.  I don’t even know where the feeling of unworthiness came from.  It’s not like I’d gotten into some serious trouble.  I’d just had a dumb investment plan.  Still, this man loved me so much that I could ask for more money than most people earned in a year and not even ask me what I needed it for.  He just trusted I wasn’t hiding anything bad from him.  “I love you so much, you know?”

Tony pulled me a little tighter to him and kissed me on the top of the head.  “I know, love you too.”  He said, patting my butt.  “Now let me go so I can go get my checkbook.”

****

The preparation for Christmas dinner started about three days before with Wanda and I, making desserts.  We then cooked pretty much constantly all the way through until the last dish was set on the conference room table completed.  I have never cooked so much food in my life.  There was a mixture of things that included traditional things, like Turkey (there were two full birds served hot and one small turkey roll I’d cooked the night before so Wanda had one), a Ham that was hot and one served cold, potatoes prepared like 4 different ways, green beans, carrots, gravy.  We had cold seafood like shrimp, oysters and smoked salmon.  There were three different kinds of vegetarian imitations meats, including a fake turkey made to look like a turkey.  We had traditional dishes from Eastern Europe like beef salad, and sarmale from Romania and Sokovia and Bobal’ki and Kutya from Russia.

We’d gone overboard but there were a lot of us.  Our family group of Steve, Bucky, Tony, Bruce, Clint, Sam, Wanda, Natasha and myself.  Our little part-timer Thor and his brother Loki.  Rhodey, Phil, Maria, and Scott were there too.  I had no doubt most of it would get eaten.

While Wanda and I had been cooking most of the others had been volunteering in shelters around town.  So by the time that the last dish hit the table we were all so ready to eat.

“I can't believe we pulled this off.  I've never cooked for this many of you at once.  Merry Christmas, everyone.”  I said collapsing into a seat.  “Who wants to carve?”

“Steve should do it,”  Nat said.  “Unless someone else really wants to.”

“I agree with you, Nat.  Any objections?”  I said, picking up the carving knife and offering it to Steve.

Steve glanced around the table.  “Come on, Cap.  No, not Cap.  Who are you now?  The tramp?”  Tony teased.

Steve took the knife from me trying to ignore Tony and started to carve.  “Alright, everyone.  Don't hold back.”  I said when he was done and grabbed a terrine full of potatoes.  

The room broke down into noise and chaos as everyone started to help themselves and dishes got passed around the table.

“Have you spoken to Cassie yet today?”  I asked Scott when our plates were full.

Scott shook his head.  “Not yet. I was going to do a video call in later.  Maybe see if Santa could make an appearance.”

“Oh, that will be so cute.   I bet she'll love that.”  I said.  How good of a dad Scott was always made me happy.  Even though he didn’t always make the best life choices he loved and adored that girl and given that so few people at the table had a decent father, having a friend who was one made me really happy.

He nodded at me, a huge smile on his face and a mouth full of turkey.  “That's the plan.”

I looked over at the two gods.  Loki was picking at a plate of seafood like he expected that they might be poisoned while Thor had a Turkey leg in one hand and was shoveling ham into his mouth and a huge smile on his face.  “How is it?  Different to food on Asgard I guess.”  I asked.

“Much different, but it is enjoyable, Lady Elly. Thank you for your efforts on putting together this feast.”  Thor boomed, sweeping his hands around the room.

I felt myself blush again.  Thor has this effect on me and even though we weren’t strangers anymore, he still could make me blush at the drop of a hat.  “Thank you, Thor.”

“What is that on your face?”  Clint teased, point his potato laden fork at me.

I flicked a pea at him, my face growing even hotter.  “Shut up.”

“Hey now, that's how you start a food fight.”  Clint joked.  “Do you want to start a food fight?”

“No.  I do not want to start a food fight.  Do you know how long I've been cooking this stuff?  I started yesterday.”  I snarked.  

“We actually started a few days ago,”  Wanda said, looking over at us.  “All that baking and then the prep work, and the stuff that needed to set to taste good.”

“Yeah, true.  So no food fights.  At least not until you've all eaten more than you can physically fit inside you.”  I said with a nod.

“That can’t include both of us,”  Bucky said indicating to himself and Steve.  “Because we can eat about half of this together.”

“You forget there's still dessert on the common floor.  And oh my god, we went overboard.  Like there is something from everywhere.  There's pies and cakes and puddings and tarts.  A Yule Log.  have you ever seen a Yule Log?  Anyway... We can eat dessert with the gift swap.”  I rambled

“Okay, so then we need to save some room. Got it.”  Sam teased.

“More food for the food fight,”  Clint added.

“Cookies.  There's cookies.  Oh, there's a thing called a pavlova.  I had to put some things in the walk-in fridge in the cafeteria.”  I continued.

Steve rubbed my leg under the table.  “El, you really went overboard here. But thank you for everything.”

“You're welcome,”  I replied, linking my fingers with his.  “I just... I wanted it to be special you know?”

“I understand.”  He said giving me a soft smile.  “Still, thank you.”

I looked around at everyone.  I felt really happy and loved.  Quite proud of what I’d managed to pull this off.  “Maybe we should have a toast or something?”

“Think that'd be all you, doll,”  Bucky said.

“Alright,”  I said, thinking for a second.  “Well, first of all, I guess I just want to say, how weird it's been since I met you guys.  But I wouldn't change it at all.  I love you all.  And I appreciate that you all made time to come join us for the holiday.  I know most of you already know I call you family, but here right now it's like one big extended family.  So to family.” I said raising my glass.  Everyone raised their glasses, repeating 'to family' as glasses clinked together.

****

After dinner, we cleared up and headed down to the common room.  Dessert was served.  There was way too much, but a lot of people do work in the tower so I was pretty confident it would all end up in someone’s stomach eventually.  We sat around the coffee table.  Some people in chairs, some on the floor.  Clint perched on the back of the couch.  

The room was lit mostly by the fairy lights and the lights of the city filtering in through the window and we all sat eating our desserts and drinking things like hot cocoa and eggnog.  It felt quite magical really.  I looked over at the pile of presents and back to the others.

“Okay, I don't want to go first.  Who's going first?”  I asked.

“Might as well just do this and get it over with,”  Clint said.  He got up and grabbed an envelope and tossed it at Loki. Loki glared at it, and then Clint, before picking it up and opening it. There was the briefest of moments where his jaw dropped before he composed himself.

“You like it?  What did you get?”  I asked Loki knowing full well what the answer was, but wanting to hear him say it out loud.

“It's tickets to a play about me. And it's an alright gift from a Midgardian.”  He answered.  “Does that mean I have to go now?”

I gave a nod and the corners of his mouth downturned ever so slightly. He got up and picked up a big box that had been wrapped in his signature colors of green and gold. He turned around and his eyes swept the room before he handed the gift to Hill. She took the box and opens it cautiously.

“Gotta admit, kinda scared about this one.”  I half-joked.

“Why do you think I'm opening it like this? I don't want something to jump out and stab me.”  Hill joked.  I sat forward in my seat to see better.  She opened the box and stared at what was inside for a moment.

“It's not poisonous. You can take it out of the box.” Loki said.  Hill looked at him before pulling out a beautiful ornamental helmet.

Sam started to laugh earning a glare from Loki.  “Sorry, I'm just thinking about that time. And you had that helmet on.”  He said, in between laughs.  “How it was squishing your brain.”

“Alright, smartass shove it,”  Hill said and turned to Loki.  “Thank you. It’s really lovely.”  She went and picked up a small box from the pile and handed it to Bruce.  “Okay, you can let me know if this isn't something that you'd like and I can swap out some stuff. I had this whole list for you.”

Bruce sorted through the things in the box.  “Hill, this is already like five different things,”  Bruce said.  There was a paper gift certificate, a photo of a well outside a small village, another of a newly constructed hospital, and yet another photo of a condemned building.

“That last one is for Hulk.”  She said.

“Oh my god. You got him somewhere to smash?”  I asked looking at her. “That’s genius.”

“I know. I tried. Plus the place is coming down anyway, so perfectly safe and helpful.”  She said

“I don't even have the words to begin to express enough gratitude. Thanks, Maria.”  Bruce said, looking really touched.

“Man, you are good at gift giving, Hill,”I say putting my hand on my heart.

“Should have taken my bow when I had the chance.”  She laughed.

“Okay, so I got Bucky. And you are not an easy person to get a gift for. So, uh, if you don't like it, you can tell me and I can fix it.  Although, I kinda did the same thing Hill did.”  Bruce said, fidgeting with his hands as he grabbed a small box and handed it to Bucky.

“Remember, Bruce. It's the thought that counts.”  Bucky said as he opened the box.  Inside were VIP tickets to the Natural History Museum, along with VIP tickets to the most recent Neil DeGrasse Tyson tour. Bucky looks at them for a moment before smiling at Bruce.  “These are awesome. Thank you so much.”

“Oh man! I am super jealous, Bucky.”  I said, bouncing in my seat a little.

“Play your cards right, doll. Just maybe.” Bucky teased.  “Okay, so, you guys are never going to guess who I got.”  He said, getting up to grab a big box.  He handed it to Sam grinning.

Sam looked at the box and then glared up at Bucky.  “I don't like your face,”  Sam said, suspiciously as he opened the box.  His jaw set and he pulled out a steering wheel.

“You know because I stole yours? Get it?”  Bucky asked, trying to stifle laughter.

I laughed loudly.  “You do bring it up a lot, Sammy.”

“Doesn't mean that's a suitable Christmas gift,”  Sam said, sticking the steering wheel back in the box.

“And that would be what this is for,”  Bucky said, handing Sam a smaller box.

Sam gave Bucky a look as he opened the box, and pulled out a brand new tactical knife.  “Now this is what I'm talkin ‘bout.”

“Because you're a punk that attacks HYDRA with a knife,”  Bucky explained.

Sam patted Bucky on the shoulder before grabbing a gift bag and passing it to Wanda, kissing her softly before sitting back down again.  Wanda pulled out a canvas with a print of her and Pietro on it. Her eyes started to water as she looked at it.  Natasha put her arm around Wanda’s shoulder and kissed her on top of the head.  Wanda then pulled out a matching canvas but this time of one of the rare photos of us together, not them as superheroes or doing a public appearance.  But just, as the family we were.  Jammed together, arms wrapped around each other as Bucky tried to reach out as far as he could to get us all into the shot.  “Come here, you big softie,”  Wanda said, bursting into tears and launching herself at Sam.  He wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her, holding her to him.  “You’re too sweet.”  She mumbled against his skin.

“Only for my little witch. Don't go getting ideas about me being soft.”  Sam whispered.

“That’s what she said.”  Clint teased.

“Clint! Stop ruining moments!”  I said throwing a hazelnut at him.

He caught it in his mouth and shrugged.  “Come on, I wasn't the only one that thought it.”

Wanda sat down on Sam’s lap and curled into him before waving her hand.  A small box was carried over to me.  I took it and looked it over.  “Oh no, if it’s from Wanda I’m going to cry.”

“Yes, you are. But they'll be good tears.”  Wanda said.

I open the box to see a bracelet with 9 charms each represents one of them. Mjolnir for Thor, a Shield for Steve and so on.  My eyes well up.  “Oh my god Wanda.”  I squeaked and moved to her, hugging her tightly.  “It’s perfect. Can you help me put it on.”

“I can,”  Wanda replied, as she took the bracelet and wrapped it around my wrist and closed the clasp.  “I'm glad you liked it.”

I kiss her deeply but briefly sending her the feelings of love I had.  “I love it. And I love you.”  I said.  “Okay, my turn.”  I got up and grabbed two wrapped boxes.  I handed him the garment one first.  “This is for later,”  I said.  He opened it and looked inside before looking back up at me and raising his eyebrow.

“Naughty girl.”  He teased.

I ran my tongue over my top lip and quirked an eyebrow at him before handing over the wrapped prospectus.  “Also, I made an investment for you.”

“Did you really ask me for money from me to just earn me more money?  That’s not how that’s supposed to work.”   He said as he unwrapped the parcel.  He looked it over and laughed.  “Sentimental are we?”

I immediately started to second guess it again.  Of course, this was a terrible gift.  “Yeah. I thought now you know it will never go anywhere. You’re the controlling shareholder. You don’t like it? I checked with your accountants and lawyers. It’s been steadily growing…”  I babbled.

“Hey, come here,”  Tony said, grabbing my wrist and pulling me into his lap.  “I love it, and I love you.”  He whispered into my ear.  “Don't go pulling that self-doubt stuff, That's my game.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him.  “I love you too.”

“Alright, my turn,”  Tony said, pulling out his phone from his pocket and opening up a picture collage that he projected out as a hologram.  “Okay, so most of the stuff I got. You can't really put it in a box.  So this is all for you, Red.  You’ll find it in various places in the tower.

“You didn't. This is all… You went way overboard, Stark.”  Nat gasped.  “An Iron Widow suit, and a whole bunch of stuff for my spiders. Did you build this terrarium, too?”

“I did, super fancy one of a kind spider world,”  Tony answered.  “I know how you feel about those spiders.”

I nuzzled into Tony’s neck and rubbed his thigh.  “That is so cool,”  I whispered.

“Thanks,”  Tony said, resting a hand on my knee.

“Alright, Lang. Your turn.”  Nat handing over an enormous gift-wrapped in Black Widow paper.

He opened it up to find a framed photo of the team in action, Scott in his Giant-Man state.  Along with that was a small action figure of each of them.  “Oh man, this is so cool!”  Scott babbled excitedly.  “I can recreate the fight with, Cassie.”

“I’m glad you like it, bug,”  Natasha said with a smile.

Scott messed around with the toys for a moment before he realized that everyone was staring at him.   “Oh, I got Vision.”  He said, jumping up and getting out a small gift bag. He handed it to Vision.

Vision pulled out a weird headband and turned it over in his hands.  “It's an electromagnetic frequency device.” Vision said.

“Yeah, it'll let you talk to the ants,”  Scott said with a nod.

“That will be very fascinating.   I look forward to learning more about them.  Thank you, Mr. Lang.”  Vision said.  He put the headband back into the bag and floated over, picking up two rectangular gifts and bringing them to Thor.  Thor opened them one at a time.  Both were books.  One detailed Norse Mythology and the other a history of Earth from the time he was last here until now.

“That is very thoughtful. Thank you, friend.”  Thor said looking the books over.  He put them down picking up a long thin gift and handing it to Rhodey.  “Machine of war, I drew you.”

Rhodey took it with a laugh and opened it.  Inside was an ornate Asgardian Sword with Gold Hilt.

“Woah! That’s beautiful.”  I said.

“Yes, it is.”  Rhodey agreed.  “Thank you, Thor. I'll put this on my sword wall.  Rhodey said, getting up and handing a big gift bag to Steve.

You have a sword wall?”  I asked as Steve started opening his gift.

“Well, I do now anyway”  Rhodey joked.

Steve opens the bag and Bucky cracked up laughing.  “A parachute, because you obviously need one. Good one Rhodes.”  Bucky wheezed.  The rest of us all started laughing too.

“Alright, I get it. I deserved that. Very funny, you guys.”  Steve said

Rhodey held up a finger.  “I got you a real gift.”  He said, handing him a medium sized box.

Steve opened it a little hesitantly and revealed an array of art supplies. He looked up at Rhodey and gave him a big smile.  “Thank you, I never would have been able to afford something like this back in the day.  It means a lot.”

“Does that mean we're going to see more art from you, Steve?”  I asked.

“It's a possibility,”  Steve answered.  “It's been a while, though. Not sure how it would look. Okay, Phil. You're up.”  He grabbed a small box and handed it to Coulson.  “I think you’ll like this one.”

Phil opened it and a small smirk crossed his face.  “Vintage Captain America cards.”  He said, picking them up.  “And they're signed.  Thanks, Cap.”  The two embraced, patting each other on the back.

“Well, figured you earned them. You did die trying and all.”  Steve teased.

“Thank you, Steve,”  Phil said with a smile.  “Okay, archer. You're up. But this isn't to be opened in front of the masses.” He handed Clint a box, and Clint peeked inside.  His eyes went wide and he shut the lid.  “Holy shit.”  He said.  “Alright, I already went, so is that everyone?”

“Yep.  That's everyone.  I think that means Christmas is over, everyone.”  I answered, scrunching my nose.

“Alright. We did it, and we didn't kill anyone.”  Sam joked.  

“That's what he said.”  Clint teases.

“Well, that was my best family Christmas yet.  Thanks, everyone.  I really appreciate you humoring me.”  I said, ignoring Clint.

“Even with the birdbrain?”  Natasha asked.

I nodded.   “Surprisingly yeah.”

[randomchick29]

50 Facts About Me (THANK YOU FOR 50 FOLLOWS!)

So... as promised in this post, I’m doing 50 facts about me because 50?! people followed me and my crazy masa obsessed cat mom ass. Thanks for enjoying my messed up commentary/rambles! Great, now I’m starting to sound like a youtuber that just wants money lmao sorry. Enough mushy stuff, and onto ze list!

Possible trigger warning: I’ll try to keep this as positive as I can, but there may be some things that can trigger some people (including but not limited to mental health, abuse/bullying, eating disorders etc.) If you are not comfortable with those topics, don’t read this.

1. My real name is Robin (middle name starts with Y and my last name starts with G)

2. I live in AZ

3. I LOVE FOOD. Part of the reason why I love masa and luka tbh... But seriously, food is great.

4. My fav foods are crab, ham, and burgers. See why I can’t become vegetarian 😂

5. I HATE onions with a passion.

6. My fav animals are owls, cats, hedgehogs, snakes, and whale sharks.

7. I have two dogs and used to have a cat (extremely long story short: My cat is in the “care” of an abusive psycho that isn’t allowed near me so I can’t see her ever again :/ but my sisters can) I still love Lucky (my cat) to death. She’s a sweet kitty (most of the time) and I miss her so much ❤️

8. My dogs are named Tucker and Bella. They’re both miniature schnauzers and they’re crazy. Tucker is a sweetheart, but he DOESNT. STOP. BARKING. He has a bit of a jealousy issue. When Bella gets attention, he starts barking and/or pushes her away from the human 😂 He hates when his people hug. He will jump on them and bark and growl. He also has stuffed animals that he LOVES. He uses them as pillows and carries them around. Bella is a lazy piggy ass. All she does is sleep and eat (like me haha). Half the time she’s too lazy to get up and go outside, and only responds when there’s food (once again, just like me 😅) They absolutely love each other though. Tucker licks her and grooms her and Bella follows him around and it’s just the cutest thing.

9. My lucky number is 9 because my birthday is 9/29 and my adoption day is 9/9 (see what I did there hehe get it? fact 9 is about my lucky number 9? no? okay...)

10. I’m adopted from an orphanage in (Eastern?) China

11. I have 2 sisters. They’re both in college but everyone who sees us on the street thinks I’m the oldest because I’m taller and curvier. One is 21 (but everyone thinks she’s like 16) and the other is 19 (people think she’s like 10 😂) No, none of us are blood related.

12. I’m 5’ nothing...

13. I’ve always been heavy for my height and age. I was and still am judged because of how much I eat and weigh. Because of this, I had an eating disorder in 4th grade and have always hated myself and envied my sisters for their tiny asian bodies.

14. I used to do tennis, dance, and swimming. I haven’t done any sports since then.

15. I can play 3 instruments, and tried many others. I played piano for 10 years, violin for 2, and French horn for 6 months.

16. I am EXTREMELY double jointed in my fingers

17. I have a fused tooth

18. My fingers bend back at the first knuckle way farther than most people’s

19. My hair is REALLY long and grows really fast. It goes to around my hip/tailbone area as of now.

20. My shoe size is a 7

21. My fav colors are red and green

22. My first fictional crush was Link. I was 8 at the time. We’re still going strong 7 years later.

23. Only a few months ago did someone top (wink wonk) Link: MASAAAA

24. My first otome was Shall We Date? Love Tangle after I saw an ad for it on trivia crack. My first route was Ryan. My fav is Nolan.

25. I still love MM, but I don’t have the time OR space on my phone to play (SORRY ZENNY)

26. I got in huge trouble when I was 10 coz I made a bunch of accounts that my mom didn’t approve of. I made an email, twitter, pottermore, quizilla (I miss that site smh), etc. And I did it MULTIPLE times. After she took the computer from me, she found out my DS had internet too. I didn’t have my DS for a long time. She would give it back after a while, and ID GO ONTO THE INTERNET AND YOUTUBE EVERY. DAMN. TIME. I got my DS back on Christmas in 7th grade coz I got games for it and she trusted me enough (and I had a phone by then so yay trust...?)

27. ...the twitter accounts still exist... I’ve looked back at them and I wanna kms holy crap it was bad. Lesson: 10 year olds shouldn’t be on twitter.

28. I love Harry Potter and The Inheritance Cycle (Eragon series). My fav HP book is Order of the Phoenix, and my fav IC book is Eldest.

29. My fav Zelda is a tie between Skyward Sword and Wind Waker

30. My fav Pokémon are Garchomp, Shaymin, and Breloom

31. We used to have so many games and systems. We had like 100-200 games, 2 gamecubes, 3 GBA’s, 4 DS’, 2 wii’s, and prob more 😂 We got only $150 from gamestop.

32. My fav youtubers are Chuggaaconroy, Rachel & Jun, and Glam & Gore.

33. I learned about sex through fanfiction (specifically, The Lemon of Zelda (pretty sure it’s been deleted tho coz I can’t find it))😂 I never got The Talk.

34. I may have looked at yaoi at school before...

35. I’m pansexual

36. Biggest turnoffs are arrogance, possessiveness, and bad hygiene.

37. Biggest turn ons are good chesticles and sense of humor.

38. I’ve had ONE bf and I dumped him after a day coz he wouldn’t stop calling me and I was scared of my mom. The thing is, we both liked each other for a LONG time and to my friend I was like “Yo ask who he likes” coz he was acting all sus and SHE TOLD HIM I TOLD HER TO ASK HIM and he’s like YA I LIKE ROBIN and I’m like WTF IS WRONG W YOU to my friend. Then he told me in class and it was really cute and I accepted. Then broke up w him OVER TEXT not even 24 hours later 😂 Dumb 7th grade ass

39. I’ve always been bullied because of how awkward and weird and annoying I am

40. My fav anime is Ouran

41. The only thing keeping me alive in freshman year (this past school year) was otome. Specifically Masa. My mind: What would Masa do without his kitten? Who would he chase through Azuchi? Who would be the pretty pillow/futon when he’s drunk? Damn, I love this man agh

42. I can reach my back much better than most people. I don’t need a back scratcher because I can reach my whole back.

43. I’m obsessed with makeup and nails, and used to love music, reading, and art.

44. My real baes are Huang Jing Xiang (fellow Chinese SPOTTED!) and Kato Kazuki

45. I sweat A LOT. I have to have a STRONG fan coz ac isn’t enough to keep me from sweating too much. And I live in AZ, so it’s even worse...

46. I still sleep with my baby blanket. I put it over my pillow coz it’s so soft (and I don’t have any other blankets)

47. My fav movie is Heathers (WELL FUCK ME GENTLY WITH A CHAINSAW)

48. I have HORRIBLE eyesight but I don’t like wearing my glasses coz the arms give me a headache and I don’t like them period

49. I love bad puns too much (I would make one here, but I don’t wanna be PUNished) 😂

50. I’ve gotten caught drawing... and writing... some NSFW things at bad times...

AAAAND DAS IT! Sorry it was more negative than I thought it would be, but I’m a really boring person with a boring life filled with drama and... That makes no sense does it. A boring life doesn’t have drama... I’m dumb. Should’ve stopped at DASSIT. Ok, I’m actually stopping lmao baiii 😊

[taylorrswift]

i’ve never had poached pears or pork neck before hmm maybe soemthing i need to try? also i had no idea you were vegetarian! was there a specific reason why? also i think usually we have had on christmas but our holiday plans are up in the air rn bc of omicron so if it’s lowkey maybe not a whole ham haha

completely different subject but what is your taylor album ranking?

🎅🏻

it like sounds so gross but especially poached pears are soooo good it's insane. i am a vegetarian! i don't really talk about it bc i don't want to come off like i have a superiority complex over it lol. i started when i was like 12 bc my friend was vegetarian and i saw one of those hidden cam slaughterhouse videos and decided that i wasn't gonna eat meat anymore. and i just haven't since. i started caring more about the environment since then and meat substitutes have been becoming way more mainstream so i don't feel any need to go back.

it's four days til christmas. what are your plans looking like rn? my country just went into a whole lockdown again bc of my beloathed omicron and i think youre american so i pray your state doesn't as well :/

my taylor album ranking... dude i have been thinking about this for days but i gotta say

speak now

reputation

folklore

red

lover

1989

fearless

evermore

debut

like ok. ok. listen. my favourite songs list did not include any speak now songs but it's just the strongest album she has. conceptually and sonically it is the most coherent album she has and with conceptually coherent i mean that She was 19/20 and she was right about everything. and as a 19 year old who is also right about everything i can feel that. but i am a speak now stan first and a human being second, i will fight for the rest of my life to defend that album, i will fight for the rest of my life to say that it deserved aoty, i will envy verena for having that url for the rest of my life

reputation is Godly she is camp she is THE moment and i have unironic personal beef w anyone who mentions her as the least favourite album. i can write an essay on her but i will not. for now

folklore i'm not as defensive of but it's just a really good album. same with red

lover and 1989 could be swapped around depending on the day. i have strong feelings on most 1989 songs (would lay down my life for ootw and blank space but i hate ayhtdws and wonderland) and on most lover songs (would commit homicide for cruel summer, lover, false god and dbatc but i hate iftye and inthaf) so it really just depends

fearless i never listened to before taylor's version but now some of my favourite songs (forever & always, the way i loved you, change, ybwm) are on there. it has some songs i really cannot get into though (tell me why, jump then fall, untouchable, come in with the rain, superstar, and most vault tracks) so that weighs it down for me

evermore... i know y'all are gonna get mad at me for this one. let me clarify i still think it is one of her best albums objectively. however i am not objective. i love champagne problems, ivy, long story short, nbnc, rwylm, ttds but i also just cannot get into gold rush, tolerate it, happiness, marjorie, closure or evermore

debut is a GOOD ALBUM and i WILL defend her. however i really can’t sing along w half of the songs on that album. gun to my head i could not tell you the choruses or hooks of a place in this world, the outside, tied together with a smile, stay beautiful, mary’s song or invisible. i’m so sorry

but now i need to know YOURS!!!! TELL ME

[lesbianbruabba]

all of them!

Anon you are trying to kill me but also like..thank you

1: Full name

I’m not stupid, I’m not putting my full real name out. lol

2: Age

Eighteen

3: 3 Fears

Being rejected, depression consuming my life, going deaf or blind

4: 3 things I love

My brother, my friends, music

5: 4 turns on

Gentle caresses, dirty talk, teasing, kink stuff

6: 4 turns off

Uhhh. Pedophilia, scat, incest, racial degradation? I’m going for the most hardcore bad stuff lol

7: My best friend

I have a lot but for simplicity’s sake my bestest is @lettiehigh

8: Sexual orientation

Bisexual

9: My best first date

Lol

10: How tall am I

5′2. correct question is how short am I

11: What do I miss

Special ham sandwiches

12: What time were I born

I don’t fucking know

13: Favourite color

Pink

14: Do I have a crush

I have multiple. 

15: Favourite quote

“They don’t sell cheese at the jewelry store” - my husband Felony Steve

16: Favourite place

My bedroom

17: Favourite food

Chicken nuggets from a hong kong mcdonald’s. They taste like shit in scotland

18: Do I use sarcasm

Sometimes but I’m not that good at it

19: What am I listening to right now

No More Time - Flor

20: First thing I notice in new person

Eyes

21: Shoe size

6.5

22: Eye color

Dark brown/black

23: Hair color

Dark brown/black. it’s gotten darker over the last few years

24: Favourite style of clothing

Frilly or bondage-y. Sometimes both at once

25: Ever done a prank call?

Nope

27: Meaning behind my URL

RPDR fic pen name

28: Favourite movie

RENT

29: Favourite song

Right now it’s Felony Reunion by Felony Steve

30: Favourite band

Waterparks, flor, All Time Low, Fall Out Boy, you can’t make me pick

31: How I feel right now

Lorny

32: Someone I love

My baby brother

33: My current relationship status

Single

34: My relationship with my parents

Rocky but overall it’s fine. It’s like an ongoing negotiation but I know they love me really.

35: Favourite holiday

I went to England when I was 14 with my school. 

36: Tattoos and piercing i have

None

37: Tattoos and piercing i want

Nipple piercings, I want a hip tattoo on my right hip because I haven’t self-harmed there and it’s a bit of a ‘sacred space’ now. someday I want a lyric tattoo, a flower tattoo (roses pls) and a watercolor one. I follow so many tattoo instagrams and they all look so pretty

38: The reason I joined Tumblr

At the very very beginning to make an aesthetic pastel blog. Got into roleplaying for a couple of years, made some good friends, some sad things happened, moved onto rpdr fic, evolved into the mess it is now

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?

what ex

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

Good morning snaps from my brother and copyright from @samrull

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

Nope

42: When did I last hold hands?

Not a thing I’ve done in a long time? 

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

Depends on whether I do makeup or not. 10 minutes if I don’t have to, 20-30 if I do.

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?

Nope. I don’t shave unless there’s a special event.

45: Where am I right now?

My bedroom in Edi

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

I don’t drink :)

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

reasonable level most of the time. Unless I am feeling particularly apathetic/anhedonic/depressed

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

Back in Hong kong yes

49: Am I excited for anything?

Dan and Phil show, possible trip to Copenhagen, possibly seeing flor, doing fashion design or Danish at uni next year, improving my fluency in languages, my brother visiting Edi, going home and seeing all my friends, going home and seeing my teachers I miss them so much oh my god, possibly seeing one of my crushes again!!

Oh and I’m going to a convention on sunday so that’s pretty great too!

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

Yeah my brother we’re a bit too open

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?

depends on how often I leave my room/spend time in others’ company that I’m not comfortable with. 

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?

Tuesday at 7:30 pm

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?

Cool, thumbs up dude. he kisses well

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

Yeah probably. lbr I trust people too easily

55: What is something I disliked about today?

I didn’t move from my bed much. but! I got a lot of drawing done and I studied some Polish so that’s a win. fuck you for making me think negatively :)

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

there’s this girl in denmark i owe a very long apology to. her. and maybe her cat.

57: What do I think about most?

My crushes, analyzing whether I have a pattern/type of crush, random etymologies, whether Russian is harder than Polish or I have a warped bias, whether my friends care about me or am I overestimating my place in their hearts

58: What’s my strangest talent?

I can say thank you in like 15 languages that counts right?

59: Do I have any strange phobias?

The wolf from little red riding hood

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

In front bc I am shite at taking photos

61: What was the last lie I told?

my meds are making me better

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

Video chatting oh my god

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

I sometimes hope ghosts exist. idk about aliens

64: Do I believe in magic?

No 

65: Do I believe in luck?

yes

66: What’s the weather like right now?

Not that bad for scotland tbh but chilly for late April

67: What was the last book I’ve read?

Essentials of Polish verbs and grammar or something. google it

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?

no???? who tf likes that what the fuck

69: Do I have any nicknames?

This one friend I used to have called me Christababe. Also people at school called me Lily

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?

Self harm cut from a few weeks ago. Got infected (it’s fine now)

71: Do I spend money or save it?

Depends

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?

With a tongue sure but not my own lmao

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?

Yes a lot of it because my closet is next to my bed :)

74: Favourite animal?

Unicorn

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

Eating ice cream and surfing the drag race reddit

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

I don’t know???? Johnson?

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

The Middle - Jimmy Eat World

78: How can you win my heart?

Don’t manipulate me.

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

Married to Felony Steve

80: What is my favorite word?

Felony

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr

Like my faves? @rippling-waves @samrull @lettiehigh @veronicasanders @lecafenoirx

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

Listen to Waterparks they have the best music. -dabs-

83: Do I have any relatives in jail?

Nope

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

Fluency in all languages

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

“are you in love with me”. if asked by certain people. alternatively “do you like girls” asked by other certain people. 

86: What is my current desktop picture?

DDLC fanart

87: Had sex?

No but close

88: Bought condoms?

No but I have one from the Hive from a fresher’s package

89: Gotten pregnant?

no dear lord 

90: Failed a class?

Nope and I hope not

91: Kissed a boy?

Yes

92: Kissed a girl?

No, I wish

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

No

94: Had job?

Yes, barista and factory worker

95: Left the house without my wallet?

Yes

96: Bullied someone on the internet?

Kind of? Not really? It was more of an argument but we’re friends now. I was a stupid thirteen year old 

97: Had sex in public?

No

98: Played on a sports team?

Lol, tell another one

99: Smoked weed?

No

100: Did drugs?

No, will not

101: Smoked cigarettes?

No, I hate smoking

102: Drank alcohol?

I had a few sips of white wine that were absolutely DISGUSTING

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

No

104: Been overweight?

Currently am

105: Been underweight?

I wish

106: Been to a wedding?

Yeah of distant relatives and teachers

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?

Try 14

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

I don’t watch TV, There’s no tv in my student hall and back home the TV is only for news

109: Been outside my home country?

Yep too many times tbh

110: Gotten my heart broken?

Unrequited love-wise yes

111: Been to a professional sports game?

Yes and spent the whole time reading (I was a kid and my mum couldn’t/didn’t find someone to babysit)

112: Broken a bone?

No, thank god

113: Cut myself?

Yes, trying to quit it

114: Been to prom?

Yep and I sang on stage too! 

115: Been in airplane?

Yep

116: Fly by helicopter?

No and not interested tbh

117: What concerts have I been to?

Waterparks, Avril Lavigne, All Time Low

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?

Yes, quite a few times now

119: Learned another language?

Try multiple

120: Wore make up?

Yeah! Trying to do it more

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?

No, too late for that now

122: Had oral sex?

No but I want to

123: Dyed my hair?

No but I want to

124: Voted in a presidential election?

No, HK doesn’t have presidential elections

125: Rode in an ambulance?

No

126: Had a surgery?

No

127: Met someone famous?

Famous in Hong Kong yes. Worldwide no. I’ve met the UoE principal though

edit: Iza reminded me that I’ve met both Courtney Act and Sasha Velour! 

128: Stalked someone on a social network?

Yes but not like…creepy. for drawing reference I’ve gone through a lot of people’s social media this morning lol

129: Peed outside?

When I was like 4

130: Been fishing?

Not that I can recall

131: Helped with charity?

Yeah

132: Been rejected by a crush?

No because I’m too much of a wimp to confess. Maybe a few years later

133: Broken a mirror?

Yep, the one I use to wear my contacts (when I used to wear contacts)

134: What do I want for birthday?

Sex and liposuction and a corset and maybe someone to love me and a full happy day with no depression or anxiety

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?

I don’t want kids. But if I did have kids, here is a list of nice names: Gracie, Ljudmila, Nico, Agneta (this one sounds really fucking familiar but I don’t know why), Anthony, Selene, Kristoff, James

136: Was I named after anyone?

No. My Chinese name means to have manners and to be gentle lmao. My English name is literally just the first thing I blurted out when the teacher asked me for my name. Wednesday was a name I look after Wednesday Addams though.

137: Do I like my handwriting?

I hate my Chinese and English penmanship it looks like shit but my Cyrillic looks GREAT

138: What was my favourite toy as a child?

Barbie, I had Genevieve from the 12 dancing princesses

139: Favourite Tv Show?

Drag race, b99, ASOUE, the good place

140: Where do I want to live when older?

In Edinburgh

141: Play any musical instrument?

The ukulele and I think I still remember a bit of guitar

142: One of my scars, how did I get it?

Cutting. Most of my scars are from cutting. A few from childhood bruises

143: Favourite pizza toping?

Cheese

144: Am I afraid of the dark?

Sometimes

145: Am I afraid of heights?

all the time

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

A lot worse than sneaking out buddy

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

Yeah 

148: What I’m really bad at

controlling my fucking feelings and not falling for peple

149: What my greatest achievments are

Sewing my prom dress, making an animation, juggling learning 3 languages (slowly) at once, surviving high school because honestly I didn’t think I’d make it to graduation

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me

That bisexuality doesn’t exist

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery

Depends on how much i win but assuming it’s a big amount of money, split it and donate a third to charity, give a third to my parents, split the rest of it in quarters and give three quarter to my dad for investments and spend the last quarter

152: What do I like about myself

I have pretty hair and nice tits and I can draw (not well but I can draw), and I have a bit of talent in learning languages and fashion design

153: My closest Tumblr friend

@samrull without a doubt

154: Something I fantasise about

My brain giving me a good yummy serotonin

155: Any question you’d like?

….anon you didn’t put a question (this happens every goddamn time i s2g)

Thanks for the ask though this kept me occupied for the good part of an hour :)

[deborahcastellano]

[The Rules of Exile] Rule No. 6 Nolite te Bastardes Carborundorum

My hair is currently in what could very graciously be called a Fraggle Updo currently.  My bra is already off and I am wearing a long t shirt that says "Wild at Heart", grey sweat pants, two seasons ago Victoria Secret slippers.  There is a trickle of menses between my thighs, my snout is encrusted in dry skin from the week long illness I still haven't shaken off.  My hands smell of Gardenia because I spilled some essential oil on them while trying to fix a candle.

O my sister #QueensInExile.  We are in the heart of the dark.  Truly.  This is where dreams are burned into the backs of our eyes.  This is where we make our triumphant to court, crowned in glory and holly, cloven orange pomanders jauntily swinging at our waists, champagne is an endless fountain and marchpane cascading from the table with the possibilities of the new year bright in everyone's eyes.  This year, we whisper to ourselves and each other, this year will be different.

It's also when we are at our lowest, our saddest, our most melancholy and the dark threatens to swallow us whole in our grief and our misery.  We are hollow in our hungers, in our austerities, in our exile.  Our homes are filled with the ghosts of what was and what never will be.  The chests that we have brought with us into exile are tattered.  Our money is low.  Our spirits are lower.

Yank yourself up by the goddamn hair, sisters.  We will not be ground down.  Our spirits will not be broken.  We will survive.

Start making tea correctly.  You see how long it tells you to steep it?  Yeah.  Do that.  Make it by the teapot and keep your insides warm.  Where there is tea there is civility.  Where there is civility there is survival.  Put the juice of a whole lemon into the pot and then add the leaves and the water.  Trader Joe's has a whole bag of Meyer lemons for $2.00.  Get it done.  Are you rolling around in the doldrums of your despair?  Gross.  Stop it.  Get some of Amy's tea that's relevant to your situation and then put your intent into the leaves and then drink it.

Go on an adventure.  Play the "Let's Get Lost Game", play Cemeteries and Cows, go someplace you've never been to and eat something there.  It doesn't have to be far and it doesn't have to be expensive.  But it can knock some of the cobwebs loose.  Need a guide?  Get Natalie's book.

Listen to some new music.  Chris and Tara always have awesome music on their show.  Looking for some Witch House-esque music that will make you cool like the youngs (or, in my case, like my much older magical auntie and uncle) and not inspire killer headaches because you are now boring?  A Place Both Wonderful and Strange has a very cool six song spell cycle called "What I Speak I Create".  If you let your life become completely predictable in everything including music, that's how your heart dies.  So don't do that.  Branch out.

Make some stock.  Everyone is always extolling the virtues of homemade stock.  I was less interested for a very long time because it never came out right.  You need to be home and you need like six or seven hours if you want it to be worth anything.  If you work from home or if you are in (in)voluntary exile, you now have time.  So, the bones you use are important.  A whole chicken carcass.  Ham hocks.  Beef marrow bones.  You could do it without the bones, of course if you are vegetarian.  Use more vegetables then.  A whole onion cut in half, skin on.  A stalk of celery.  Two carrots.  A palmful of mushrooms.  A few whole cloves of garlic.  Some booze helps - a dark beer, a chardonnay, a shiraz, cognac.  A whole bay leaf.  You will need a lot of salt.  Go easy and add it.  Don't get crazy with the pepper or it gets weird.  Smoked paprika.  A good spice blend that you like.  Put it all in a big pot.  Fill said pot with water.  Put it on the lowest setting for three hours and then the second to lowest for three more hours.  Take all the solids out and toss.  Follow a recipe for your favorite soup or stew.  If you don't know what that is, Pinterest is always there to save you.  Here's my board that I use for much of my cooking.  This winter I have learned that it is actually incredibly oppressive to make a different meal every goddamn night with our schedules.  Making two different things and having some exciting bread is sufficient.  Good stock makes you more hearty which you will need in exile.

Make sipping chocolate.  Again, Trader Joe's has it.  It's what gets me through the dark while on antibiotics, unable to drink St. Germain like a goddamn savage.  You need: a quart mason jar (or your previous TJ's Sipping Chocolate tin because you do not have time to go to TJ five towns over): 2 teaspoons good smoked salt (Auntie Arwen's and Savory are my go to spice shops - good prices, small quantities and zomg fresh),  1 teaspoon good cinnamon, 1/4 teaspoon vanilla powder, 2 tablespoons good mini chocolate chips, 1/4 cup good fine sugar, 1/3 cup good unsweetened cocoa powder.  Put it all in the mason jar.  Put the lid on.  Shake it up.  3 tablespoons of the cocoa with 1/3 cup warm 2% milk.  130 calories if you need to feel justified about it.  Good chocolate fixes your brain chemicals.  You need your strength to fight.

Cultivate an attention span.  Oh lordess.  Mine is terrible.  I used to be able to read a book in like two days.  I'm checking my phone, texting, watching television while reading a book like a person who should be shamed.  Reading before bed?  A recipe for sleeps.  I am trying to recultivate an attention span.  You can work on puzzles or write or go for a walk or eat at the table and have a conversation or . . . meditate I guess?  That's not my bag, but if it's yours and it sucks right now, you should fix it.  It feels like liquid burning in your brain pan but that's how creation happens.  Start with like 30 minutes and promise yourself your garbage animal treat of choice for completing it until you can take the training wheels off.

Little rituals are critical this time of year.  You need to be sowing seeds in this womb of darkness.  Get a close relationship with your honey pot.  See what St. Martha is up to.  Ring up your ancestors.  Ask the Moirai what they've been up to.  Tell Parvati about your day at work.  Make offerings.  Do magic.  Start things, finish things.  Do fancy dances.  Yell at the moon.  Let yourself dream and then execute.  Most spells aren't one and don't, they require regular attention.  Can you do that?  It's easy on day three, less easy by day ten and much less easy by day 38.

Create wonder, pay things forward, buy your bestie a cup of Starbucks, donate to a charity you care about, make something beautiful with your own two little hands, be kind to your loved ones, breath life into your house plants, be extra attentive to your cat, make your lover a hot water bottle.  Open your heart.  Do it because it hurts.  And we are not afraid of pain, sisters.

[cinful-stories]

50 Interesting Questions- Tagged

(I was tagged by @widzzicles to do this! I really appreciate it! I haven't really mentioned much about myself on this platform, so this will be the first look at my quirky, strange personality. Here goes nothing!)

1. What kind of food can't you stand? Even though I’m not a strict vegetarian, I loosely consider myself to be one because of my hatred for meat. Seafood and ham are particularly horrid to me, but on rare occasions, I can handle small amounts of bacon, sausage, and chicken if prepared well.

2. If you could choose one minor inconvenience to never have to deal with again, what would you pick? Acne. I’ve struggled with it for nearly eight years, and it’s been the root of my insecurities.

3. Have you got any useless talents? I’m double-jointed in my right wrist and three fingers. I can also wiggle my right ear and nose.

4. If you could be really good at one thing, what would it be? Writing. I have a strong perfectionist mentality when it comes to my artistic creations, and it often gets in the way of completing any projects; therefore, whenever I sit down to work on my original novel, it becomes a stressful task for me.

5. Name a few people you think are extremely good-looking? Eddie Redmayne is my ultimate celebrity crush. I think he’s absolutely adorable, and he’s the main inspiration for the male protagonist of my novel. I also find Dan Avidan from Game Grumps and Benedict Cumberbatch really attractive.

6. What was your favorite way to pass time as a kid? I often watched Hetalia and YouTube gaming channels during middle school, so I wasted a lot of time on the internet. I was also a major SuperWhoMerLock fan. I suppose not much has changed as far as interests go...

7. What is something you are proud of? Before I started posting my fan creations on Tumblr, I was highly active on Quotev for four years. One of the stories I posted (a Hunger Games fanfic) was received extremely well, and it has over 1,200 favorites.

8. What's one character flaw in people that you just can't tolerate? I can’t stand people who are unreliable and only make an effort if they need something from me. My biggest languages of love are Quality Time and Acts of Service, so when someone doesn’t want to put in some of their time for me, it’s a major turn-off.

9. Do you consider yourself to be more of a leader or a follower? It depends. I’m typically more of a follower when I’m insecure about my own abilities regarding the task at hand, but if it’s something I’m confident about doing, I instinctively take on the leadership role.

10. What kind of student are/ were you? I’m incredibly studious, and I’m almost anal about receiving good grades. I tend to procrastinate when I let myself relax, so I make sure to keep myself busy during the school year as much as possible.

11. Butterfly effect question! Has there ever been a seemingly minor decision you've made (at the time) that ended up having a profound influence on your life? Sitting at an unfamiliar lunch table on the first day of eighth grade. It was a seemingly insignificant choice at the time, and I thought it would be a temporary thing, but it later became the event that led to meeting my best friend of five years. If I hadn’t chosen that table, I wouldn’t be nearly as confident, independent, and honest as I am today – all attributes that came from her importance in my life.

12. Name your most irrational fear/ aversion: I’m petrified of settling. I have a horrible habit of not being able to say no to people; therefore, I end up settling for relationships and activities I never wanted to do in the first place. I’m afraid that I won’t get the chance to live my fullest life before I die only because I wanted to please others or take the easy route.

13. Are there any fiction characters you find especially relatable? As basic as this sounds, I find myself relating to Belle from Beauty and the Beast. Her thirst for a thrilling life somewhere unfamiliar is something I crave. She doesn’t fall in love with a person’s outward appearance, which is something I do as well, and she loves reading too!

14. If you drink, what kind of drunk are you? Alternatively, what sort of person are you at parties? I don’t drink, but at parties I’m fairly social, regardless of whether or not I know the people in attendance. Sometimes parties are uncomfortable for me, but other times they’re not. It just depends on the type of people at the gathering.

15. Do you fall in love easily? Or does it usually take a long time for you to trust someone? I tend to trust people rather easily, but that doesn’t mean I fall in love quickly. I’m actually really reluctant to get into another relationship. It’s hard for me to find someone I truly love. I’ve only ever been in love once, and that relationship was two years ago.

16. Would you rather have one close friend or 100 casual friends? I prefer having one close friend. I have two best friends, and roughly five or six casual friends. I’ve always gained a lot more out of my bonds with my two closest friends than I ever have with those more distant from me.

17. Do you consider yourself to be more of a slob or a neat-freak? I’m a total neat-freak. I take great pleasure in organizing my bedroom and cleaning my car, and if I’m trying to keep myself busy for whatever reason, I often find something to organize. I’m a Virgo, so that explains it.

18. Describe a place (imaginary or real) that you find incredibly cozy: I imagine myself in a wooden loft in an attic of a house, surrounded by potted plants, art canvases, and towering bookshelves. Hand-woven dreamcatchers loom above my bed, and prisms capture beams of iridescent light on the walls. There’s a skylight on one of the ceiling panels, and a sliver of moonlight is bathing the room in an eerie, azure glow. Particles of silver, feathery dust are swirling around my head, twinkling like the blanket of stars above. I’m lying prostrate on the floor, gazing up at the heavens as the full moon smiles down upon me. A symphony of crickets fills the air, and the scent of old parchment wafts into my nostrils. It’s a tranquil night, and I’m alone with my thoughts. A porcelain cup of scalding, raspberry tea rests idly in my hand, and a warm smile is toying with my lips. I am at peace.

19. Do you have kids? If not, do you want them someday? I don’t have kids, and I’m hesitant about the idea of having them with the career I want to pursue, but I could see myself with two sometime in the future. Boys’ names: Elijah or Benedict. Girls’ names: Roslyn or Margot.

20. What was your favorite book as a child? Eggs by Jerry Spinelli was my absolute favorite book, and I remember reading it several times. I also really enjoyed The Sisters Grimm and N.E.R.D.S. books by Michael Buckley.

21. Name one thing you just don't get what all the hype is about: Going on cruises. The idea of being trapped on a giant boat with a timed schedule of mind-numbing, preselected activities to do doesn’t sound remotely fun to me.

22. Name one thing you think is tragically underrated: Crushed potato chips in bubblegum ice cream, mixed with marshmallow syrup and topped with rainbow sprinkles. Don’t knock it until you try it.

23. If you had to be glued to a person for a month, real or fictional, who would it be? I would choose Dick Van Dyke, who has always been my favorite actor. He’s currently ninety-one years old, so I would jump at the chance to walk a mile in his shoes before he dies.

24. What's something you'd like the chance to do someday? I’ve always dreamt of travelling Europe. I especially want to visit London, Dublin, Madrid, Amsterdam, and Rome.

25. Do you typically speak your mind when you have a controversial opinion? Or do you generally prefer not to rock the boat? I’m actually really vocal about my opinions. I’d like to think that I’m a gifted debater, writer, and public speaker, so I never shy away from sharing my perspectives in a controversial conversation if I have the evidence to back it up.

26. What's the dumbest fad you've been caught up in? I don’t think this was ever a fad, but I used to wear those Hot Topic rubbery wristbands up and down my arms like tattoo sleeves in middle school.

27. What's something you thought was cool as a kid, but now cringe at yourself for? See #26. I also thought that getting bad grades and bragging about being vegetarian for a day was cool.

28. What's a trait you consider to be very admirable? I value having intellect and good communication skills above all else, and it also makes my heart flutter if I meet someone chivalrous. I also love humor. I’m a sucker for anyone who can make me laugh.

29. Is there a particular kind of item people always tend to give you as gifts? My closest friends always buy me astrology related things. Other friends typically buy me Doctor Who merch or something feminine and monogrammed.

30. Do you speak multiple languages? Not fluently, but I studied French for three consecutive years and won a bronze medal for the national French exam.

31. Would you rather live in the big city or the countryside? I’m a city gal. I’ve grown up in an urban family town for far too long. I’ve always wanted to live in a flat in central London.

32. Has there ever been something you were certain you'd hate, but ended up loving? Marching band. I was terrified of joining originally, but here I am four years later serving as my band’s historian and the Mellophone section leader.

33. Do you mind being the center of attention, or do you prefer the spotlight to be on someone else? As far as group conversations go, no. I hate being in charge of the dialog, but if I’m speaking publicly or performing in front of a large audience, I don’t mind. I enjoy the adrenaline rush!

34. Favorite holiday? It’s a toss-up between New Year’s Eve and the Fourth of July.

35. Are you more of a go-with-the-flow type of person, or do you need to have things planned meticulously? I prefer having a plan, but I’m not going to throw a fit if I have to play something by ear.

36. Is there something you loved so much you wish you could forget it and experience it all again? I once took a family trip to Bar Harbor, Maine in 2011, and I firmly believe that it’s the most tranquil, serene place I’ve ever been to. Luckily, I’m going back to visit during the summer of 2018!

37. What hobbies do you have? Writing, sketching, blogging, reading, watching anime or YouTube gamers, astrology, gardening, playing the French horn, and playing Otome games obsessively

38. If you could have a superpower, but it was only mildly useful, what ability would you want to have? I would love to be able to harness the four elements somehow, even if my powers were minor. Just being able to generate a puff of smoke or grow something from the ground with my hands would be amazing.

39. Something people are always surprised to learn about you: I’m allergic to peanuts. Even after I tell my friends, they frequently forget.

40. Something that took you way too long to figure out: I don’t need to rely on other people to find the source of my happiness. I’m wonderfully made, just as I am.

41. Worst injury you’ve had? I’ve never had any injuries other than your typically bumps and bruises.

42. Any morbid fascinations? I love horror films and video games, especially the gory, psychological ones.

43. Describe your sense of humor: I make a lot dorky puns and niche references, so it’s rare when I get a genuine laugh out of people.

44. If you had to be born in another era/ place, which would you choose? Late 1960’s America. The country was in a state of social and political turmoil, so a movement of independent thought swept the nation’s youth for the first time since the Revolutionary War. Rock, which is my favorite genre of music, was also becoming immensely popular. I would’ve loved to have participated in an anti-war rally and go to Woodstock.

45. Something you are irredeemably bad at: Science. I have a passion for astronomy and psychology, but I’m terrible at any other science subtopic.

46. Something that sucked but you’re glad you went through: My first breakup. It’s corny, I know, but that emotional time in my life really helped me evolve into who I am today. I used to be pretty spineless, naïve, and dependent on others for my happiness. I may have lost someone I loved dearly, but I learned to love myself in the process, and I became a lot more confident because of it.

47. Would you rather have a really godawful, ugly tattoo in a place that is only slightly inconvenient to conceal, or the coolest, most beautiful tattoo ever in the middle of your face? I’ll take the ugly tattoo. At least I can hide it if I need to.

48. Are you more of an optimist or a pessimist? I’m an optimist. I don’t always see the silver lining in dark times, but I always persevere and convince myself that there’s something better coming.

49. What would be the most flattering compliment someone could give you? “You mean the world to me.”

50. Something you feel people often misunderstand about you: People seem to think that they can take advantage of me since I’m easily forgiving and kind. I may forgive, but I never forget.

(This took a lot longer to answer than I anticipated, but I had fun! @phantomchou @confused-tofu @princessofwysteria @rimalupin @lustfullyleocrawford @rizosrojizos @yukarinova @leorysxi @mariyukimu I'm sorry if y'all have already been tagged!)

[wulfies-corner]

Black Eyes (Demon!V/Kim Taehyung x Reader) AU 1

A hunter family, plus a demonic curse, plus two lovesick teenagers on opposite sides of a secret war. One maths equation one might not want to answer.

It wasn’t long after that when you finally realised you had clumsily stumbled into the lives of an entire nest of demons.

[One] [Two] [Three] [Four] [Five] [Six] [Seven] [Eight] [Nine] [Ten]

~

There are moments in life where you wished you would never have to talk to anyone in order to get by. While those moments of thought are completely irrational and impossible, wishing and imagining that they were real often got you through the day. You were barely surviving as it is, stunned and a little lost that your father actually allowed you to stay enrolled at this school when you asked if you could finish the 12th grade. A part of you didn’t really want to, but it was better than living a life on the road and doing things that only worsened your mental state. Those completely irrational thoughts kept you grounded for the most part, but as of right now, you weren’t exactly sure it was working at all.

4th-period biology was a class you were interested in taking at first, considering the background you had with bodies and other things to do with human nature (among other things). The only problem was that you were beyond squeamish and didn’t take into account the fact that you had to combine experiments on dead things with communicating with other human beings when you signed up. So here you are, wishing that you had dropped this class while you still could, walking up to the crowd of seven of your classmates standing around a black lab table at the right side of your biology classroom.

“Hey, um… I know you guys already have seven members, but is it okay if I join your group?” You poked your fingers together nervously as you observed the boys. Along with your constant wish of never having to communicate with anyone at all, your social skills were lacking. Especially around people you found attractive.

Boy, were all seven of them attractive. All of them were smooth skinned, sun-kissed, god-given marvels that you could barely approach without feeling faint. They were tall, slenderly muscular and relatively kind people, from what you’ve seen of them. One stood out from the rest, medium-sized and slightly younger than some of the others. He donned a boxy smile and thin-rimmed, round glasses. You looked away when he caught your eye. You barely caught sight of a gleam of black as his eyes met yours. You ignored it and blamed your seeing things on an anxious mind.

“Sure, why not?” The tallest boy waved you over to him, urging you to put on your safety goggles. “It’s easy, anyway.” You moved in between the tallest boy, who you knew vaguely as Namjoon - the biology class’s resident genius - and Taehyung. While you were awkward around him and could never make full eye contact with him, he was kind and quite friendly toward you. He had a 4-D personality and his unique smile never failed to make you feel at ease. You were lucky that he was at least here, along with your cooking class in 5th period.

You knew vaguely who all the boys were, as they were popular among your year of students. They were prodigies, extremely talented and undeniably attractive. You obviously weren’t the first girl to notice it, but none of them ever seemed to have a girlfriend.

“This is the… enzyme lab, right?” You ask, taking up your notebook and flipping to the right table, trying not to make eye contact with any of the other boys that were currently eyeing you up and down. They all seemed fixated on you, which made you even more nervous than you felt before you approached them.

“Yeah. Come on, we’re about to soak the first paper disc,” Namjoon says, picking up a pair of elongated tweezers.

It took nearly all of your willpower to not puke where you stood. This whole lab was completely and utterly disgusting. In order to observe how enzymes separate Hydrogen Peroxide into Oxygen and Carbon Dioxide, the class had to separate phials of crushed, raw beef liver into three different water baths; one in ice water, another in room temperature water, and finally one in hot water. Then, soak a small paper disc in the liver, put the disc into a phial of Hydrogen Peroxide, and see how long it took for Oxygen bubbles to form and cause the disc to float to the top of the phial.

The lab was rather easy to perform, especially with so many people in one group, but the smell of raw liver didn’t exactly help your case. You flinched at contact on your back, looking up from your notebook to see Taehyung smiling down at you sympathetically.

“Are you okay?” He asked. It took you longer than you had hoped to think of a response that registered as more than a pained whine.

“Kind of. I mean… this isn’t exactly my strong suit,” you try to smile back until you see Namjoon lifting up the paper disc, unfortunately taking a rather large, bloody vein up with it. You gag. The two shortest boys, Jimin and Yoongi, who were standing across from you, looked you over with sympathy.

“Come on, you can move away from it. Here, I’ll take your spot.” Taehyung took a gentle hold of your shoulders and switched spots with you. Now you were in between him and Hoseok, the one that always had a cheerful, sunshine-and-rainbows type attitude toward literally everything, even a disgusting enzyme lab such as this. He had a timer loaded up onto his phone, and you assumed he was the one doing the timing. You only stood there, stiff as a board, trying to keep yourself composed. You recorded the times for the group but hardly did much else. At the end of class, everyone turned to clean up except for you and Taehyung.

“Are you still feeling sick?” Taehyung asked, patting your shoulder gently. “I should remind you that we cook next period.”

You looked up at him. “I can hardly move right now, let alone cook.”

“Come on, then… I’ll sit with you and walk you to next class when the bell rings. I’ll tell Ms C that you’re too woozy to cook today.”

“I really wished that I didn’t exist right now,” you whine. Taehyung only chuckled at you.

“It’s about to get worse… we still have to do the lab work.”

You groan in response. “Do we have a work period on Monday?”

“Nope,” Hoseok chimed in, moving past you with one of the liver phials, the smell causing you to gag again.

“I didn’t know you were this squeamish,” Taehyung commented as he rubbed at the small of your back. It soothed you, but you didn’t feel any less nauseous.

“Why do you think I always make you handle the meat during cooking days?” You ask, looking up at him and projecting the most sarcastic expression you could conjure. You walked back to your desk, pressing your palms against the wood and leaning down to close your eyes and think of something else.

“Touche,” Taehyung complied. He returned to his desk, packing up his backpack before moving back toward you, stuffing your binder inside your own backpack and helping you put it on. “So… you’re telling me that you’re a vegetarian? I’ve seen you stuff your face with those ham sandwiches we made a couple weeks back.”

“Of course I’m not a vegetarian, dumbo! I just don’t like seeing raw meats. Or touching them. Or cutting them. Or seeing blood.” You groan at the thought of that bloody vein as the bell rang, you and Taehyung separating from the 6-man horde of his friends with a small wave.

“Interesting. And you said you wanted to be… what now? A doctor, right?” Taehyung asked. You weren’t looking at him, but you could still see the smirk gracing his lips. You pout.

“Oh.. shut up!”

That moment was when you realised you had never been so comfortable socialising with another person. To tell the truth, this was the first school you had stayed at for longer than a few weeks or a month. Your father was a hunter. A… special type of hunter. The job required constant moves around the country, and you had spent most of your life in the backseat of a car and in the beds of cheap motels. You never had enough time to truly make friends, no matter how much you wanted to at the start.

Instead of spending your time at the park, you grew up learning to line the windows and doors of any place with salt before going to bed, drawing devil’s traps under the doormat and on the ceiling over your bed, and arming yourself with a silver dagger. At age 5, instead of playing with toy dolls and hot wheel cars, you learned how to shoot a small pistol. At age 10, instead of wobbling around in high heels too big for your feet, you could shoot someone right between the eyes 5 buildings away with a sniper rifle. At age 13, instead of confessing to your first crush, you had mercilessly killed a demon, along with the person they were possessing.

Ever since that day, you were a recluse. You were constantly having nightmares,  episodes of PTSD and sometimes even hallucinations. You had no friends and refused to make one, even if you could laugh along with the people in your 5th-period cooking group. That was the only time of day when you actually opened your mouth to speak, fearing that if you let yourself go too far, everything would spill out like opening floodgates. You being able to talk at all was a miracle, and the fact that you could openly talk to Taehyung outside of class just now was on a completely different level of impossible. Yet, here you were, talking and laughing with him as if you were letting yourself be a normal teenager. It felt wrong.

~

“Do you want me to walk you home? You’re looking paler by the minute and I won’t be able to stand by and be guilt free if you pass out and die walking by yourself,” Taehyung added as the two of you stayed after the bell to wash dishes, as usual. “We also still have to do the lab write-up.”

You looked over at him, hesitant. You would have to work with him in the lab either way. “Thank you, um… that would be nice if it isn't too much trouble.” You looked back at the dish you were washing for a minute. “On second thought…”

“What is it?” He asked, moving to put a bowl away. You remembered how decked out your house was with devil’s traps, newspapers of hunt leads, historical textbooks, loose research papers, salt and other hunter-esque things, including your basement, which was probably more well-equipped than a military base. It would be incredibly off-putting to anyone that didn’t even know that your type of hunter existed. Your home was definitely not designed with house guests in mind. It wasn’t even designed to be a home when it was built.

“Would it be okay with your parents if I went to your house instead? My place looks like a tornado ripped it a new one,” you mumble. Taehyung chuckled at your response.

“I’m somewhat of a troubled kid, so I just live with the guys. They won’t care if you come over. They’ll probably mooch the answers for the lab off of us, though.” Taehyung grinned at you.

“That’s fine with me. You guys let me join your group in the first place.”

The walk to Taehyung’s place was nice. The two of you joked around, talked about his interests, and even stopped to pet a cat that was walking on the grass of a lawn by the house you two passed at the end of one of the streets. This… strange feeling in your chest was prominent every time the two of you looked at each other, smiled in the other’s direction, or laughed at a joke. As soon as you saw yourself giving in, you had to back away from it. Creating awkward silences, refusing to answer a question or something along those lines in order to push him away. No matter how drawn you were to Taehyung, and how comfortable you felt yourself getting, you couldn’t let him be your friend. You couldn’t get close to him. Not after what you’ve done. Not after what you’ve seen.

“Here we are,” Taehyung chimed as the two of you approached a complex of townhouses. Each house looked thin and relatively small, but they were well decorated with burgundy bricks and white window frames, most likely offsetting the size with attractive architecture.

Taehyung led you inside the complex and you walked down the small lane toward the back. The furthest house at the end of the complex was where you figured you were heading, despite the lawn of the house looking much better-taken care of than you would have expected for a house lived in by seven teenage boys.

“Home sweet home!” Taehyung smiled at you as he pulled his key chain from his backpack, promptly unlocking the door. You smile faintly back at him but look away when the pinch in your chest returned. You stayed silent as the two of you stepped inside and shrugged off your backpacks.

“I'm back!” Taehyung called into the empty front hall. You looked around at the spotless house. The walls were painted white and red, creating a mostly modern feel. The hallway leads into the living room, containing a cream L-shaped couch accompanied by a small side table with a circular lamp, a glass coffee table and a small flat screen television pinned up on the wall created by the staircase to your left. The kitchen, you assumed, was to your right, but it was blocked off by a wall and a sliding white door. The room itself was illuminated brightly by the sliding patio doors across from you and Taehyung, the white curtains pulled back to let the sun shine through.

The kitchen door slid open and Jin stepped through. He was wearing a white apron over top his clothes, and dark blue oven mitts over his hands. A smile spread across his face as he saw you, walking toward you and Taehyung, slipping off the oven mitts. You waved faintly at him, taking in the smell of food that followed him out from the kitchen.

“Hello, (Y/N),” Jin greeted. “It's nice to see you again,” he commented cheerfully.

“Uh, yeah. It's nice to see you too, Jin.” You smile back, narrowly avoiding eye contact with him. In your head, another flick of black appeared over Jin's eyes. You dug your index nail into the palm of your hand to snap out of any illusions you were beginning to see again.

Jin’s warm expression toward you left you at ease, even if it was just a little bit, masking the tense anxiousness that had been building since your head is making you see demon eyes again. You sigh inwardly, disappointed that your pills seemed to no longer work. “Everyone’s upstairs working on the lab write-up. You're welcome to stay for dinner if you’d like.”

You don an expression of surprise. You hadn't expected him to invite you to stay for dinner. You wanted to tell him 'no', to say that you had to go home after you finished the lab, but there would be absolutely no benefit to your denying him. You would go home to a crappy, junk-food-filled dinner if you even ate at all. You would be in your barren house by yourself, go to bed unfulfilled and probably hungry. Besides, it wasn’t in you to be rude, especially if people had been nothing but kind to you.

“Sure, I’d like that.” You pulled off your shoes, watching as Jin's expression lit up even more in excitement. He bounded back into the kitchen through the sliding door with seemingly renewed fervour.

“You’re going to love Jin’s cooking,” Taehyung praised, taking off his own sneakers. You could only nod in response, replying with a meek 'hm'. Taehyung grabbed his notebook from his backpack, leading you upstairs when you promptly grabbed yours. The hallway on the second floor was extremely thin, and lead off into two different bedrooms and what looked to be a bathroom at the end of the hall. It was equally as spotless as the first floor, coloured fully in deep red. The cleanliness of this house was impeccable, if not a little bit suspicious.

“Your house is so much nicer than mine,” you comment absentmindedly as you looked over your surroundings. “Aw, I doubt that,” Taehyung replies. “Jin is just over-obsessive. Cleanliness doesn’t make a house a home.”

“I guess not. Still, your house wins over mine.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.” Taehyung’s boxy smile reappeared. You had no idea how to respond to that. There would be no way that he could see the inside of your house, and the thought of his repulsion somehow made you nervous. While you spent all of this time trying to reject Taehyung, you were afraid of being rejected by him. You could only look away from him, waiting to take the lead into the right bedroom.

Taehyung led you into the room closest to the staircase. Namjoon, Hoseok, Jimin, Yoongi and Jungkook were spread out on the floor with their notes, looking up and waving at you once you entered the room behind Taehyung.

“Hey, (Y/N)!” Jungkook greeted with a smile. You sat down between him and Taehyung, smiling back at Jungkook and mumbling a small ‘hi’ in return.

“We’ve already filled out the chart. You can copy us, if you’d like,” Namjoon passed you his table, already neatly filled out with the times you recorded and the differences between each water bath temperature.

“Um, thanks.”

The night progressed similarly to the first interaction you had. You were awkward, often unsure of what to say and honestly uncomfortable with how many people you were surrounded by at one time. The tight feeling of nervousness pulsed through your chest non-stop, and sitting down with them for dinner (which you had to admit was the most delicious and nourishing meal you’ve had since before your mother died) was equally as nerve wracking.

“Hey, are you alright?” Taehyung asked as you wolfed down your food. It had been so long since you had eaten something other than take-out Chinese food and hungry man TV dinners. Your father was almost never home and you never really learned to cook for yourself, so you had to rely on other things to eat if you ate at all. “You’re eating as if you hadn’t seen a scrap in weeks.” You look up from your plate, chewing and swallowing hastily as you noticed seven pairs of eyes locked on you. Your eyes went wide and you instinctively curled up in your chair. “Hey, hey! It’s alright,” Jin reassured, holding up a hand to try and calm you down. “We’re not making fun of you. We just care.”

‘Why?’ The thought ran through your head. Why should they care?

“Um…” Your eyes pass over each of the boys. All of them still looked surprised at how fast you were eating, but all of them had a reassuring smile painted on their faces, especially Taehyung, who even moved to pass you the bowl of steaming vegetables so you could pile more onto your plate.

“You don’t have to explain it. Just enjoy it. You can ask for seconds anytime you’d like,” Jin states, and everyone nods in agreement in the seconds following.

You had never felt so accepted, nor welcomed. You could no longer tell if it was a feeling you wanted or not. The guilt that still had its grip on your heart kept you in the mindset that you didn’t deserve it. Would they still care about you if they found out the truth about you? Would they pat you on the back and help you through things that made you squeamish if they knew? Would they welcome you into their home? Would they be disgusted by you?

Those thoughts haunted you as Taehyung walked you home that night. When you and Taehyung reached the gravel pathway to the farmhouse you called home, it felt a little hard to believe that you were actually going to bed with a full stomach.

"Thanks for working on the lab with me," you say once you reached the front door to your house. "It's no problem," Taehyung replied with a smile. "It's getting late, though. I should be going home."

"Okay," you say. You reach into your backpack for your house key, watching Taehyung turn around and start walking back down the path. "Wait!" A thought pops into your head and you shout after him without thinking.

"What is it?" He asks.

"Um, can I have your number? I want you to text me when you get home so I know you're safe," you mumble, barely able to form a proper sentence.

"Of course. Only if I can have yours too. I'm glad you care."

You're lucky that it was dark outside as you and Taehyung exchanged phone numbers, as the dusk hid your heated cheeks. You dig your nails into your palms again as you step inside your house a few minutes later. You shouldn't be feeling this way.

Next: Part Two

[weederfall18-blog]

WHY I HAVEN'T BEEN BLOGGING LATELY & 2 RECIPES-- QUICK & EASY CHINESE VELVET CORN SOUP; AND VEGAN SUKIYAKI

I apologize heartily for having neglected this blog in the past few months, and for not writing a post for over a month!  There's been a lot going on lately, on top of which, DH and I are just getting over a very long and uncomfortable cold (not the flu this time, but not fun!).

One thing that is taking up a lot of my time has been a diagnosis of pre-diabetes!  I almost fell off my chair when my doctor told me this.  It may be an inherited tendency-- we don't know.  So, I've been working up my exercise regime, which I had not been keeping up as well as I should have (especially while sick), and spending much of my time poring over books, websites, and charts to do with the Glycemic Index and Glycemic Load, and tailoring my already-pretty-good vegan diet to this advice:

From https://www.health.harvard.edu/diseases-and-conditions/glycemic-index-and-glycemic-load-for-100-foods

"The glycemic index is a value assigned to foods based on how slowly or how quickly those foods cause increases in blood glucose levels. Also known as "blood sugar," blood glucose levels above normal are toxic and can cause blindness, kidney failure, or increase cardiovascular risk. Foods low on the glycemic index (GI) scale tend to release glucose slowly and steadily. Foods high on the glycemic index release glucose rapidly. Low GI foods tend to foster weight loss, while foods high on the GI scale help with energy recovery after exercise, or to offset hypo- (or insufficient) glycemia. Long-distance runners would tend to favor foods high on the glycemic index, while people with pre- or full-blown diabetes would need to concentrate on low GI foods. Why? People with type 1 diabetes and even some with type 2 can't produce sufficient quantities of insulin—which helps process blood sugar—which means they are likely to have an excess of blood glucose. The slow and steady release of glucose in low-glycemic foods is helpful in keeping blood glucose under control.

But the glycemic index of foods tells only part of the story. What it doesn't tell you is how high your blood sugar could go when you actually eat the food, which is partly determined by how much carbohydrate is in an individual serving. To understand a food's complete effect on blood sugar, you need to know both how quickly the food makes glucose enter the bloodstream, and how much glucose it will deliver. A separate value called glycemic load does that. It gives a more accurate picture of a food's real-life impact on blood sugar. The glycemic load is determined by multiplying the grams of a carbohydrate in a serving by the glycemic index, then dividing by 100. A glycemic load of 10 or below is considered low; 20 or above is considered high. Watermelon, for example, has a high glycemic index (GI) (80). But a serving of watermelon has so little carbohydrate (6 grams) that its glycemic load (GL) is only 5."

So, I'm not making desserts these days, getting used to my morning latte without a teaspoon of brown sugar, using a few dates in my oatmeal instead of sugar on top (dates have alot of fiber, which counteracts the sugar in them), learning about resistant starch and low glycemic grains, and experimenting with making low GL bread with them (adding some bean flour, or okara [soy pulp] from my soy milk making, and/or some vital wheat gluten flour helps, too). 

Who knew that converted/parboiled rice carries a lower glycemic load (GL) than brown rice and has? (The process creates resistant starch while protecting most of the nutrition of the whole grain rice.) We are loving parboiled basmati rice! (Here's a fairly simple explanation of resistant starch.)  And my beloved semolina pasta is low GL, especially if cooked al dente and then refrigerated. The resistant starch remains when reheated. Ditto for potatoes. Buckwheat, oats, bulgur wheat, rye and quinoa are also good choices.

We already eat lots of vegetables and fruits and protein-rich legumes, soy products, and seitan, and a pretty low-fat diet, so I don't have to change much there. Anyway-- I have alot to learn, but I've lost 6 pounds without really trying to and we're eating well.  I hope to have some good new recipes for you soon.  In the meantime, here are some old favorites from two of my older cookbooks. Thanks for your patience! Printable Recipe

BRYANNA'S  QUICK AND EASY CHINESE VELVET CORN SOUP Servings: 4 (From my book, "Authentic Chinese Cuisine for the Contemporary Kitchen: All Vegan Recipes", Book Publishing Co., 2000) Corn is probably not the first thing that comes to mind when you thick of Chinese cooking, but, when it was imported from the Americas, the Northern Chinese took to it readily.  This soup, which often contains chicken or crab in its non-vegetarian incarnation, is extremely popular, even at formal banquets, but it's inexpensive, quick and simple to make. 6 ounces smoked tofu, cut into small dice (You can sauté the cubes in a bit of oil to brown, if you like, but that's optional.) 4 cup low-salt vegetarian "chicken-y"  broth (such as Better Than Bouillon No-Chicken broth paste) 14-15 ounces canned creamed corn (this product contains no dairy ingredients) 1 cup frozen petit pois (baby peas) 1 Tbs low sodium soy sauce pepper to taste 1 Tbs cornstarch dissolved in 1 T. cold water 1 tsp roasted sesame oil OPTIONAL: 1 Tbs soy "bacon" bits OR 2 T. chopped vegetarian "ham"  Mix the broth, creamed corn, peas and soy sauce (and the optional soy "bacon" or "ham" at this point, if you're using it) in a medium pot or saucepan.  When it comes to a boil, turn the heat down to a simmer and cook gently until the peas are barely tender.  Add the smoked tofu, pepper to taste, and dissolved cornstarch, stirring.  Simmer until the soup thickens, then drizzle the sesame oil on top and serve. Nutrition Facts Nutrition (per serving): 177 calories, 41 calories from fat, 4.7g total fat, 0mg cholesterol, 1249.5mg sodium, 240.5mg potassium, 28.9g carbohydrates, 3g fiber, 6.5g sugar, 10g protein, 5.3 points. *****************************************************************

Printable Copy

BRYANNA'S VEGAN SUKIYAKI (CAN BE SOY-FREE)     Serves 4

My Peruvian father, Alejandro Jaime Urbina, loved Japanese food, so he took us to Japanese restaurants fairly often when we were growing up in San Francisco.  It was always such fun to watch the kimono-clad server quickly make the sukiyaki right in front of us. This is my vegan version.  (From my book, 20 Minutes to Dinner, Book Publishing Co., 1997) All you need is a pot of steamed rice to go with this wonderful Japanese classic.  If you have a large electric skillet, you can cook this at the table in true Japanese style. NOTE:  If you do not have shirataki noodles (clear Japanese noodles made from the konjac yam), substitute Asian rice vermicelli, or bean thread noodles (also called "cellophane" noodles, made from mung beans), which have first been soaked for 15 minutes in warm water.  If none of these is available, substitute 2 c. fresh bean sprouts.

**Have all of the ingredients arranged in piles on a platter when you begin to cook. Sauce: 1/4 c. Japanese soy sauce, or tamari (or  soy-free alternate, see note below) 1/4 c. honey, sugar, or alternate 1/2 c. water 2 T. dry sherry or mirin (Japanese rice wine) NOTE: Soy-Free Soy Sauce or Tamari Replacement: Substitute this mixture tablespoon-for-tablespoon for the soy sauce called for if you have a soy allergy.  **Mix 3/4 c. water, broth or mushroom soaking liquid mixed with 1 T. EACH yeast extract paste (such as Marmite), soy-free gravy browner (like Kitchen Bouquet), and salt.  This replaces 15 T. (slightly less than 1 c.) of soy sauce. **To replace some of the complex qualities that a good fermented soy sauce or tamari supplies, use some dry sherry or Japanese mirin wine, and/or mushroom broth or concentrate as some of the 3/4 cup liquid in the recipe. Sukiyaki Ingredients: For a soy-free version, omit the tofu and either use 1 1/2 lbs. seitan,  OR  use the 8 oz. seitan called for and double the amount of mushrooms 1 lb. regular medium-firm tofu  8 oz. seitan, very thinly-sliced  8 large fresh shiitake mushrooms, cut in half (or you can use thick slices of portobello mushrooms, or whole criminis)  10 oz. cleaned spinach leaves, sliced 1" thick 1 (8 oz.) can sliced bamboo shoots, rinsed and drained 1 bunch green onions, cut into 2" lengths OR 1 large white onion, sliced 2 to 4 cups fresh, cisp bean sprouts 1/4 lb. dried shirataki noodles, soaked in warm water 15 minutes (see Note above for substitutions) **(Put a pot of  rice of your choice on to cook before starting the recipe.  Short grain white rice is the Japanese choice, or you could use short grain brown rice, if you prefer.) Mix the sauce ingredients in a small saucepan and set over low heat while you prepare the ingredients. Heat a large heavy skillet or large electric skillet (my choice).  Cut the block of tofu in half horizontally and brown the halves on both sides in the hot pan.  Remove from the pan and slice the pieces about 1/2" thick.   Place the sliced tofu, seitan, mushrooms, spinach, and bamboo shoots (and the white onion, if you are using it instead of the green onions) in separate piles side-by-side in the hot pan and pour the sauce over it all.   When the sauce is bubbling and the spinach begins to wilt, turn everything over carefully, not mixing it together.  Make room for the green onions and soaked noodles (and/or bean sprouts), and cook for a few more minutes, until the spinach and mushrooms are cooked and everything is hot.  Serve immediately with steamed rice, dividing the ingredients equally between bowls. Nutrition Facts (without rice) Nutrition (per serving): 434 calories, 63 calories from fat, 7.8g total fat, 0mg cholesterol, 1190.2mg sodium, 1330.1mg potassium, 66.9g carbohydrates, 7.7g fiber, 22.8g sugar, 31.2g protein, 12.9 points.

Enjoy!

Source: http://veganfeastkitchen.blogspot.com/2018/03/why-i-havent-been-blogging-2-recipes.html

[syxkat]

1-150 ;)

This is so overdue BUT here u go❤️1:Name- Katerina 2:Age- 173:3 Fears- praying mantises4:3 things I love- my girlfriend, my friends, my dogs, eating, music5:4 turn ons- chewing on random things, confidence, good sense of style 6:4 turn offs- being mean to your parents or pets, chewing with your mouth open, bad body odor7:My best friend- my friend Nichole, my girlfriend @flowercoasts, and my bff @plumppeachprincess8:Sexual orientation- gay maybe bi9:My best first date- never had a real date10:How tall am I?- 5'8"11:What/Who do I miss?- my dad and sisters that live in another state 12:What time was I born?- I think around 4 pm13:Favourite color- mint green and purple 14:Do I have a crush?- yeah this girl I'm dating is pretty cool I guess15:Favourite quote- "if a man has no sauce than he is lost, but the same man can become lost in the sauce."16:Favourite place- golf courses at night??? Don't ask me why they have good vibes 17:Favourite food- any and all seafood, and fried rice 18:Do I use sarcasm?- sometimes 19:What am I listening to right now?- this probably means what song I'm into but all I can think about is the loud ass lawnmower outside my house20:First thing I notice in a new person- their sense of humor21:Shoe size- 8 1/222:Eye color- brown23:Hair color- brown 24:Favourite style of clothing- I really only wear flannels and tank tops 25:Ever done a prank call?- yeah.... I'm sorry Pizza Hut...they didn't have goat cheese and bean sprout...27:Meaning behind my URL- I play a lot of roadhog 28:Favourite movie- spirit: stallion of the cimmaron29:Favourite song- right now it's either daydreamin' by Ariana grande or love on the brain by Rihanna 30:Favourite band- is Cher Lloyd a band 31:How I feel right now- tired but content 32:Someone I love- my good and wonderful girlfriend 33:My current relationship status- taken34:My relationship with my parents- my mom is one of my best friends35:Favourite holiday- thanksgiving I love to EAT36:Tattoos and piercings i have- none37:Tattoos and piercings i want- I want to re-pierce my nose and probably get a partial sleeve on one arm. and a shoulder tattoo38:The reason I joined Tumblr- I saw something funny on my friends account 39:Do I and my last ex hate each other?- no40:Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?- yeah 😊41:Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?- unfortunately not 😞42:When did I last hold hands?- like 2 hours ago with one of my friends43:How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?- 35 minutes 44:Have you shaved your legs in the past three days?- nope45:Where am I right now?- in my bed46:If I were drunk and can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?- probably my friend Nichole 47:Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?- reasonable or else I get Noxious Stimuli™48:Do I live with my Mom and Dad?- yeah 49:Am I excited for anything?- to go see my girlfriend in a few weeks 😄😄50:Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?- no51:How often do I wear a fake smile?- probably never if I'm unhappy I'll look as mad as I can 52:When was the last time I hugged someone?- today while my friend was hugging her boyfriend and I was like "I gotta get in on this here I come"53:What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?- that's fine 54:Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?- not that I'm aware of 55:What is something I disliked about today?- some kid was spinning his fidget spinner on his desk and it was loud and annoying and I was feeling ...rather hostile...56:If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?- Zoe Saldana 57:What do I think about most?- my girlfriend... every god damn second of the day 58:What’s my strangest talent?- I can pick lots of things up with my feet and make various weird noises59:Do I have any strange phobias?- no60:Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?- behind I like to record and take pictures of things 61:What was the last lie I told?- "I'm not gay mom" 62:Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?- video chatting 63:Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?- maybe and yes 64:Do I believe in magic?- maybe???? I really don't think about it 65:Do I believe in luck?- not really???? This is making me have a CRISIS 66:What’s the weather like right now?- well it's 103 degrees and I'm in the middle of the desert so yeah I love it67:What was the last book I’ve read?- secret life of bees by sue monk kidd68:Do I like the smell of gasoline?- jesus no it's my worst enemy 69:Do I have any nicknames?- Katie I guess??? Everyone calls me that instead of Katerina 70:What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?- broke my skull on a tennis court 71:Do I spend money or save it?- spend it....72:Can I touch my nose with a tongue?- no 73:Is there anything pink within 10 ft from me?- yeah some colored ping pong balls im not sure why though 74:Favourite animal?- crocodiles and squid 75:What was I doing last night at 12 AM?- FaceTiming 76:What do I think is Satan’s last name is?- Peterson 77:What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?- Temperature by Sean Paul 78:How can you win my heart?- by being @flowercoasts79:What would I want to be written on my tombstone?- bye bitch80:What is my favorite word?- snatched 81:My top 5 blogs on tumblr- I don't know probably porn blogs 82:If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?- butthole83:Do I have any relatives in jail?- yeah 84:What superpower would I have?- shapeshifting is by far my favorite 85:What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?- 86:What is my current desktop picture?- a picture of tracer with crying Michael Jordan's face photoshopped onto it87:Had sex?- yeah88:Bought condoms?- yeah but not for myself 89:Gotten pregnant?- no90:Failed a class?- no91:Kissed a boy?- yeah92:Kissed a girl?- yeah93:Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?- no94:Had job?- yeah95:Left the house without my wallet?- yeah96:Bullied someone on the internet?- I once told this girl on facebook that I was gonna eat her babies in like 7th grade97:Had sex in public?- .....kind of????98:Played on a sports team?- yeah football and softball99:Smoked weed?- yeah100:Did drugs?- no101:Smoked cigarettes?- no102:Drank alcohol?- yeah103:Am I a vegetarian/vegan?- no but I was for like 3 months a few years ago lmao104:Been overweight?- I'm really heavy but I wouldn't say I was overweight??? 105:Been underweight?- nopeeeee 106:Been to a wedding?- yeah my moms and I had to dance with my new weird step dad 107:Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?- oh yes108:Watched TV for 5 hours straight?- Oh Yes109:Been outside my home country?- no110:Gotten my heart broken?- no111:Been to a professional sports game?- yeah I've been to a baseball game it was terrible 112:Broken a bone?- yeah like 12113:Cut myself?- not on purpose 114:Been to prom?- yeah115:Been in airplane?- yeah116:Fly by helicopter?- yeah 117:What concerts have I been to?- none118:Had a crush on someone of the same sex?- yeah for my entire LIFE119:Learned another language?- kinda 120:Wore make up?- yeah 121:Lost my virginity before I was 18?- yeah122:Had oral sex?-yeah god damn these are really gettin into DETAIL123:Dyed my hair?- no124:Voted in a presidential election?- no125:Rode in an ambulance?- yeah126:Had a surgery?- no 127:Met someone famous?- I meet god in my dreams 128:Stalked someone on a social network?- not really129:Peed outside?- all the time 130:Been fishing?- yeah I'm not a fan 131:Helped with charity?- yeah132:Been rejected by a crush?- yeah133:Broken a mirror?- yeah I slammed into that bitch134:What do I want for birthday?- to go to my girlfriends house 135:How many kids do I want and what will be their names?- one and Alexandria 136:Was I named after anyone?- yeah my great grandma 137:Do I like my handwriting?- I don't really care but I know it's super bad 138:What was my favourite toy as a child?- Kim possible and avatar the last air bender139:Favourite Tv Show?- I haven't watched any recently but it's probably the legend of korra 140:Where do I want to live when older?- in Las Vegas or somewhere in California 141:Play any musical instrument?- guitar 142:One of my scars, how did I get it?- cut my elbow open on a random glass shard in my bathtub while I was drunk143:Favourite pizza toping?- pineapple and ham😎144:Am I afraid of the dark?- no I love it 145:Am I afraid of heights?- not really I'm pretty good with being in high places 146:Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?- got caught by my mom coming home with McDonalds at 2 am and she was like ....you didn't even get me anything 147:Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?- every time I take a math test148:What I’m really bad at- showing someone I really like them without being weird. 149:What my greatest achievements are- uhhhh getting best lineman in football, my ACT score, Gettin a smokin' gf150:What I’d do if I won the lottery- buy houses for all my friends. I'm talking the whole street and we're all gonna be neighbors. Buy my mom a house in the Bahamas

[elevenhoursinfront-blog]

26th March 2017

The alarm went off at 0700. I was straight up to get ready. I woke Steve up but he could stay in bed for an extra hour if he wanted to do so. I hate that men take so little time to get ready, I wish I could be up and ready like them. I showered, washed my hair and shaved my legs. I meant business today! I had to get ready in the communal bathroom as everyone was still asleep in our room. The bathroom is stupid hot so I wasn’t looking forward to getting ready. I was hot from my shower already. I dried my hair and straightened it. By this time, I was bright red like a tomato and sweating from head to toe. I had to sit down in my room to cool down. I cant put makeup on with a SULA! (Sweaty Upper Lip Alert, in case you didn't know). 

Hair did, makeup done and dressed by 0845... I said to be down for breakfast by 0900 - I'm early. We went down and made some toast. I took advantage of the 'free breakfast' to make our lunch, too. I made ham sandwiches for the afternoon prior to the race as Steve was bound to be half dying from starvation and we had chicken, rice and peppers for after the race. Must. Remember. Forks. Thanks to the backpacker that left their fresh ham in the free food basket! Every hostel has a basket of food that people can leave if they don’t want it and/or moving on. You have to check this often and quickly as the good stuff goes fast. Mel found the ham and took it for us. It was a fresh expensive pack and she's vegetarian. She's a good’n. 

We finished our breakfast and sorted out our bag. Water, towel, food, jumper, lunch and dinner, GoPro, phones and tickets! We left and headed to the tram stop outside Flinders Street Train Station (lovely building, I will get a picture soon). There were loads of people going in the same direction. I love it when there's a massive event going on, the likelihood of me getting lost is minimal because I just have to follow everyone else. We squeezed onto the tram and headed towards St Kilda Road - Gate 8. The majority of the people on the tram got off at the Grand Prix gate 8 so they must've had the same idea as us. We stood in the queue for about 20 minutes. We were early so that would be why. The queue was ridiculously massive already - two streets long. We had to go over a bridge before getting into the gate. As soon as it hit 1030, the line was moving. It wasn't a slow moving line either so we were at the ticket barrier before 1045. Our tickets were scanned, our bags were searched and we were in! 

The skies were grey but Steve said it's meant to clear by midday. I was counting on that. We walked around for a while, looking at the stalls. We went over to a Merchandise stall and looked around. We bought a cap and programme. I was getting excited. It looked just like your average UK festival with Heineken tents, burger stalls, Police and Ambulance everywhere.

After our walk, we went to find our seat. I say seat like I could afford the $5,000 seat by the start/finish line... I meant the cheap one on the grass. We picked turns 9/10/11 area and it was on a hill so we could have a good view of the track sitting down. It was right by the front, too. We put our towel down and chilled out for a bit. They had pre-race entertainment. Other races were on-going, not that I knew what was going on. We had a good view of the TV, too so it was a perfect spot.

By midday, as Steve said, the sun was burning. I forgot sun cream. Honestly, I'd forget my head if it weren't screwed on... I forgot forks, too. Even though I remembered in the morning. GREAT. None of the stalls had plastic cutlery either, it was all finger food. God sake. 

Steve wanted to go for a wonder so I said I'd stay and sunbathe. It was annoying that there was only two of us, we couldn't go off together. I laid down on the towel and before I knew it, my phone was ringing. Steve said that he had just met Mark Webber and wished he had our programme there with him so he could sign it. Plank! 

Steve was on the opposite side of the track to me and we were waving to each other. I took everything out of my handbag that was important (Mac Lipstick, GoPro and Phone), put it in the backpack and went for a walk. 

If our towel and bag goes, then so be it. But I couldn't sit there for another 6 hours! We would find another spot if it gets taken.

I walked over the bridge to Steve and we went for a wonder. They had a lake in the middle of the race track in Albert Park. There was a bridge for people to walk over, thankfully. It was the weirdest bridge I had ever been on though. It was inflatables stuck together on top of the water. It felt like walking on a plastic water bed. I can't explain it. If you jumped, the water would ripple. The water was rippling anyway as there were so many people walking across at any one time. It gave a great view though, of the CBD. 

We wondered about the main part - the big screen TV, the Melbourne Walk (where the celebs walk past), the show cars etc. We stood at the Melbourne Walk for a while to see whether anyone came past, like Mark Webber again. Steve was the only person who knew who he was. The rest of the crowd was like "That's whats his name?". Steve had to tell them all.

Nobody past us for a good half an hour of waiting so we walked about again. We looked at the Jaguars as Steve wants one (a lad can dream). We took a few photos and headed back to the towel to see whether it had been taken. A few hours had past so I was sure it would've been. It wasn't... My bag and towel both in the exact same spot as I left it. I doubted Australian's. If that were England - gone within seconds! We sat down and had our sandwiches with a beer that Steve treated me too. It was roughly 1 hour until the race started. The planes were all out doing fancy patterns in the sky. It was great to watch, their formation was so good. After that, the fighter jet came out! It was so loud, it made my belly rumble. The ground was shaking and it was miles away from us in the sky. I got good videos of it but no video will ever show how amazing it was in real life. I was shaking from it!

We were out of water so I sent Steve to fill our bottles up. Australia has hydration stations almost everywhere which is brilliant considering one bottle is like $5. He returned, with no water and two Magnums... He is completely hopeless. They were thoroughly enjoyable in the heat though. We just sat on the grass watching the planes and listening to the commentary on the tannoy.

I then left to find water as Steve would probably return with two more beers if I had sent him. I found the hydration station after about 15 minutes of looking as lost as anything. I also found the Ambulance station where they were giving away free sun cream! Hallelujah. I mean, it was probably 4 hours too late at this point but anything is better than nothing. It was also 50+ so it should help for the next 4 hours of sun. I smothered myself in it and poured a heaped amount in my palm. I tried to carry two bottles of water and a dollop of cream in the heat over a hill. Then I had the difficulty of finding Steve amongst 1,000 other people. I found him eventually, and he smothered himself in cream. I put a load on the back of his neck and made him wear at hat backwards as it was bright red. I'm so thoughtful! 

The Australian National Anthem played and everyone stood up. We felt obliged to stand up too so we did. It was then announced that Dan Riccardo couldn't begin the race due to a faulty car from the practise lap... Aussie's were not happy. Before we knew it, the race had started. Two laps in and Daniel managed to start. He wouldn't get anywhere two laps behind but he couldn't not go in his own country. The little boy I was sitting next to was extremely happy he got to see him race. 

Hamilton was second to Vettel, who I placed a bet on to win. I wanted Hamilton to win obviously but his odds were like $1 as I mentioned. Steve's bet was out before the race had even started... 

At lap 47/57, we left our spot. We headed over to the main screen where the Melbourne Walk was. If we were going to get an autograph, it would be there. We watched the end of the race from behind the track - we could see the seats of the rich watching track side. We were behind the podiums which was better than nothing. Vettel won the race and I won the bet. We watched everyone running onto the track celebrating. Red everywhere! After about 40 minutes of the race finishing, they pulled the celebration poppers releasing all the confetti. I managed to catch one yellow strip and Steve caught a green one from the air. I put them both in the back of my phone case so I can always say that I caught them at the Grand Prix celebration.

We were one of the first at the Melbourne Walk but it started to fill up quickly. I'm pleased we got there when we did. We were right at the front. We were alongside some die-hard F1 fans which was half annoying, half good. They knew most of the staff and security by their first names and managed to get people over. They're obviously there every year without fail.

We waited about 2 hours and my feet were killing. I wanted to get my programme signed for my Dad. Standing in the sun at a gate was not enjoyable at all. It wasn't until Marcus Ericsson came out. He signed my programme and I was very happy (not a clue who he was but Steve said hold it out so I did). When I was about 3, my dad had stood in a queue for a teletubby teddy that I wanted for hours. This was returning the favour.

After Marcus, Felipe Massa came out. Again, not a clue on this guy but Steve said to hold it out so I did. Happily, he signed away. That was two autographs on my programme! I was almost ready to leave, I had been standing there few hours and it was 1900 already. The after party was starting and people in massively expensive cars started to turn up. The cars were that expensive, they were probably worth more than my house and life if I'm honest.

The die-hard fans told us that the two cars parked in front were for Daniel Riccardo and Lewis Hamilton. I was waiting for this! We were only allowed to wait until 2000 when the gates would start to close. Before I knew it, Daniel was standing in front of us! I was absolutely gutted when he missed out my programme. He must've signed about 20 but not mine. I was upset because he was the first person I knew of and it would've been nice to get his autograph. Never mind. 

We saw David Coulthard and Alonso too, but they didn't have time to stop for us... They both appeared to be massively miserable. We saw Nicky Lauda who got into a car but waved to us. Grosjean cycled past us, too. To confirm, I still haven't a clue who these people are. Steve is listing them for me. He told me when to hold to book out or not. 

It was dark and cold. I put the hoody on and I was seriously knackered. It had been a long day and we still had dinner to eat. The die-hard fans were talking to security. They were talking about how horrible Hamilton is now - that he used to be lovely before he got too famous and became an arse. He does what he can to avoid people but apparently, he's trying to change. Hamilton didn't come out for us which was a massive shame. His car remained parked in front of us but it got to 2000 and we had to leave. 

I rang my dad straight away to tell him how our day was. He's an F1 fan so he text when he woke up to see whether I enjoyed it. We jumped onto the tram (after asking someone for help like your typical tourists). 

We got back to the hostel by 2100 and microwaved our dinner. It was Mother's Day back home so I managed to quickly call my Mum and Stepmum. I love speaking to family, it's so difficult with the time difference. 

All in all, an absolutely brilliant day. I couldn't believe how much I had enjoyed it. I'm so pleased with my programme even if I have spilt my strawberries on it and ruined the top right corner (I was devastated, sorry Dad). We were both exhausted, in bed and out like a light before 2300.

[bioniiic]

all of the asks

1: Full nameidk man. not too fond w putting my full name on the tumbsz but wassup im sam2: Age163: 3 Fearsflyingthe darkmen4: 3 things I lovemy gfmy friendsmy DOG5: 4 turns on good smellgood,,asshumorgirl6: 4 turns offBAD SMELLTHATS IT ALSO MEN7: My best friendhek sarah and josefine. also lys8: Sexual orientationpansexual ???? idk mostly i just like girls 9: My best first datedo nothing. eat and watch shows and nap10: How tall am I6'4 i know11: What do I misshek :/(12: What time were I born12:15 am I was almost a march 9th kiddo13: Favourite coloryello 14: Do I have a crushyes my gf my love 15: Favourite quotedie16: Favourite placecopenhagen and paris. both very different cities and equally important 2 me17: Favourite foodTARTLET 18: Do I use sarcasmall. the time 19: What am I listening to right nowthis old dog by mac demarco ok20: First thing I notice in new personidk if theyre funny i think21: Shoe size 7 !!! small22: Eye colorone is green n one is brown 23: Hair colorcurrently very black 24: Favourite style of clothingblack jeans and some sort of fuckin hoodie im boring 25: Ever done a prank call?i used to do them all the time w my friends in the choir HDKVNSMCN yes i was in a choir but only for the cake 27: Meaning behind my URLidk its a placebo song fskkcsjskdks28: Favourite moviemr nobody leave me alone 29: Favourite songSCSRED OF GIRLS BY PLACEBO FUCK ME30: Favourite bandPLACEBOSJDKSKKD31: How I feel right nowim tired and i want lys to wake up 32: Someone I lovelys my beeeeb33: My current relationship statusim dating my BEAUTIFUL angel gf 34: My relationship with my parentshmmmm. below average 35: Favourite holidayCHRISTMAS 36: Tattoos and piercing i havenoone 37: Tattoos and piercing i wanti want a septum piercing and all the tattoos38: The reason I joined Tumblri had a crush on a girl and i was obsessed with her and she had tumblr so i got tumblr and only reblogged things she liked and she never noticed me JDKSJDJSK39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?NO we just don't talk 40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?lys41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?its lys i wish i had :-(42: When did I last hold hands?it was with josefines girlfriend while she was tweezing her eyebrows and she needed to hold my hand for support 43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?like. 5 seconds 44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?HAHAHA NO45: Where am I right now?in my bed 46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?idk i dont drink that much but probably josefine47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?reasonable in like. headphones but anywhere else it's LOUD48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?no. well like. every 2 weeks i shift between them #divorce am i right ladiez 49: Am I excited for anything?summer 50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?my DOG 51: How often do I wear a fake smile?a lot ha ha ha 52: When was the last time I hugged someone?my adult friend yesterday JSJSJK53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?the last person i kissed was my friend ,,,and she has a gf so id probably say can yall like do that somewhere else JDJAHSH54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?no i only trust a few very good people 55: What is something I disliked about today?i just woke up. also that56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?lys :-(57: What do I think about most?lys LoL 58: What’s my strangest talent?idk ???? 59: Do I have any strange phobias?PUKE60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?behind 61: What was the last lie I told?"im gonna wake up soon" lol62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?video 63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?both are real and valid 64: Do I believe in magic?no hoe65: Do I believe in luck?no. hoe66: What’s the weather like right now?grey67: What was the last book I’ve read?sushi for beginners haha68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?nnO69: Do I have any nicknames?sammy but only lys gets to call me that also hek calls me sami I do not know why 70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?i broke my tailbone once that was pretty bad71: Do I spend money or save it?SAVE IT IM SO BAD AT SOENDING MONEY72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?noooooo ma'am 73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?a marker 74: Favourite animal?dogggggggGGGGG75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?talking to lys but then she disappeared for 3 hours and im mad76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?roberts77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?you had me at hello GAYYSYYAYSY78: How can you win my heart?be lys. also food 79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?gay 80: What is my favorite word?gay81: My top 5 blogs on tumblrgay82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?gay83: Do I have any relatives in jail?i dont think so ???84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?FLYING. TELEPORTING 85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?idk mannn86: What is my current desktop picture?the default one cause im lazy and its a school computer 87: Had sex?NOO 88: Bought condoms?no 89: Gotten pregnant?no90: Failed a class?noooOoo maam 91: Kissed a boy?nooooOOOO MAAM 92: Kissed a girl?yes,93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?no94: Had job?nonoooo MAAM 95: Left the house without my wallet?yes96: Bullied someone on the internet?HAHHAHAA97: Had sex in public?no98: Played on a sports team?yes but like. not really 99: Smoked weed?NOO MAAM 100: Did drugs?no101: Smoked cigarettes?noooo102: Drank alcohol?yes 103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?fuck NO104: Been overweight?yes105: Been underweight?no 106: Been to a wedding?yes 107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?LOL108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?LOL109: Been outside my home country?yes 110: Gotten my heart broken?yes oopsie111: Been to a professional sports game?yes but at half time me and my dad left and got mcdonalds and then we went home112: Broken a bone? yes 113: Cut myself?no more 114: Been to prom?no im foreign 115: Been in airplane?yes116: Fly by helicopter?i haven't but i NEVER WILL. NEVER 117: What concerts have I been to?one direction, the 1975, gerard way, the front bottoms and twenty one pilots 118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?yes. exclusively 119: Learned another language?yes120: Wore make up?yes no h0mo bro121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?no122: Had oral sex?nnnno123: Dyed my hair?yes its dead now 124: Voted in a presidential election?noooo maam im still foreign 125: Rode in an ambulance?no126: Had a surgery?im so boring ive never tried anything 127: Met someone famous?no i was rlly close to meeting bry after twenty one pilots once but NAH128: Stalked someone on a social network?always129: Peed outside?mo 130: Been fishing?fuck no 131: Helped with charity?yes132: Been rejected by a crush?well. kinda133: Broken a mirror?no134: What do I want for birthday?idk i just had my birthday man 135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?IF. I HAD A KID. IF. it would be a girl and her name would be leah 136: Was I named after anyone?no137: Do I like my handwriting?fuck no its so bad138: What was my favourite toy as a child?probably that doll that pisses by itself. u know what im talking about 139: Favourite Tv Show?idk oh fuck probably new girl 140: Where do I want to live when older?copenhagen or the us for a bit 141: Play any musical instrument?guitar ukulele and bass cause im basic142: One of my scars, how did I get it?my dog scratches me a lot 143: Favourite pizza toping?ham. cheese144: Am I afraid of the dark?y e s 145: Am I afraid of heights?Y E S146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?yes but i wasn't sneaking out really,,147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?every day hoe !148: What I’m really bad atlife 149: What my greatest achievments arefuck idk150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to methat i was a trump supporter. u know who u are 151: What I’d do if I won in a lotterylive on a bigass farm and have all the animals 152: What do I like about myselfmy eyes ?? my cheekbones 153: My closest Tumblr friendnone i hate yall 154: Something I fantasise about😉😉😉😉😉😉