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goodqueenaly · 2 years

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Am I the only person - I’m probably the only person - who wants to see Naerys make a speech to Aegon IV after being accused of treason like Katherine of Aragon did to Henry VIII at Blackfriars?

Because really, this is one of those moments in history that needs no elaboration; indeed, Shakespeare himself hardly needed to do more than quote it almost directly (and translate it into verse, of course) for his play Henry VIII. The setting was already one of high stakes and drama: after two decades of marriage, the King of England was attempting to argue that that very marriage had been invalid from the start due to the previous marriage between Katherine and Henry’s older brother, Arthur. Unwilling to simply sign off on an annulment, the Pope instead allowed a legatine court, in England and headed by Cardinals Wolsey and Campeggio, to hear arguments on the validity of the marriage. Both king and queen had appointed counsel, and on the opening of proceedings, both were ceremonially called into the court. Henry, for his part, played along, calling out “Here, my lords”, but Katherine, when called, refused to answer as such.

Instead, as recorded by an eyewitness, Katherine dramatically knelt in front of Henry himself - an act of physical supplication that led Henry to try to raise her back up. Then, speaking to him directly, Katherine passionately defended her marriage to the king. She reinforced her position as Henry’s “true and humble wife”, emphasizing that she had been “ever conformable to [his] will and pleasure” and “well pleased and contented with all things wherein [he] had any delight or dalliance”. Katherine even noted that she “loved all those whom ye loved only for your sake, whether I had cause or no; and whether they were my friends or my enemies” and “never grudged in word or countenance, or showed a visage or spark of discontentation [sic]” (perhaps this was a quiet reference to her willingness to ignore any sexual affairs undertaken by the king, especially after the early blowup of what might have happened with Anne Stafford, so long as the king was discreet with those relationships). Well aware of the implicit bias inherent in the Blackfriars court - she pointed out that “they cannot be indifferent counsellors for my part which be your subjects, and taken out of your own council before ... and dare not, for your displeasure, disobey your will and intent” - Katherine instead cleverly bypassed the legal proceeding entirely, turning to Henry personally “as to the head of justice within this realm”. Confident in the rightness of her position - citing the wisdom of their respective fathers and the counsellors of those men at the time their marriage was agreed upon - Katherine declared that "[i]f there be any just cause by the law that ye can allege against me, either of dishonesty or any other impediment to banish and put me from you, I am well content to depart, to my great shame and dishonor" - but, so she continued, “if there be none, then here I most lowly beseech you let me remain in my former estate, and received justice at your princely hand”. It was a masterful speech which perfectly blended the personal and the political, presenting Katherine as a loyal and obedient - but, importantly, totally assured and legitimate - wife and placing the onus on Henry himself, as both the King of England and the husband who had once loved her, to give her justice. (Seriously, you should read the whole speech, it’s fantastic.)

There is not much to compare between Naerys and Katherine as individuals, especially with the little we have for now on the former (apart from their respective genuine and deep piety), but it might help the parallel between them (and help GRRM strengthen his belief - much as I grumble at it to some extent - that Aegon IV was “the Henry VIII of Westeros”) to have Naerys make a similar speech to Aegon after being accused of treason by Morgil Hastwyck (with the “probable” explanation or addition of adultery with Prince Aemon). Naerys, like Katherine, might have been confident that she had committed no crime or otherwise invalidated her rights as a wife and Daeron’s as Aegon’s son (as I certainly doubt the validity of any such accusation against her). However, Naerys, like Katherine, may have equally been well aware that a trial would be at best biased and at worse farcical: in the venal, corrupt court of Aegon IV, who would dare defend the king’s hated wife to the king himself? This might have seemed like a no-win scenario to Naerys, as Aegon had undoubtedly intended it to be: a faux legal charade in which she would have to counter an unprovable accusation to a man with a vested personal interest in proving (or “proving”) it.

So Naerys, like Katherine, may have wanted to bypass Aegon’s invention of a legal proceeding (made especially ludicrous in his use of Hastwyck as a stooge) to appeal directly to the king, as both judge and husband: portraying herself as Katherine did as his “true and humble wife” and asking him, like Katherine, “wherein have I offended you, or what occasion of displeasure have I designed against your will and pleasure”. If Aegon wanted to accuse her of sexual impropriety, Naerys might have, like Katherine, proudly declared in turn that “when ye had me at the first, I take God to be my judge, I was a true maid without touch of man”. Too, like Katherine, Naerys may have wanted to point out to Aegon that she had “never grudged in word or countenance, or showed a visage or spark of discontentation” at any of his actions - a pointed retort, when she was being accused of a sexual affair by (albeit indirectly) a man notorious for his open, omnivorous, and constant sexual affairs. If Naerys would not have had to clarify as much as Katherine did that “it hath pleased God” (or the Seven, in Naerys’ case) “to call them [i.e. the children the king and queen had together] out of this world” (because Naerys had had two living children, compared to Katherine’s single living child), she could nevertheless maintain that “by me ye have had divers children”, as Katherine did, to counter any accusation that Daeron had not been fathered by the king. If the king could not bring any just cause against her, then Naerys, like Katherine, might have begged the king to “let [her] remain in [her] former estate, and received justice at [his] princely hand”. As a final kicker, Naerys could have, like Katherine, cited the Seven, perhaps specifically the Father, “who is the just judge, to spare the extremity of this new court”, with the vow that “to [the Seven] I commit my case” - that is, in a trial by combat, with Aemon as her champion (and good on Naerys if she would have, like Katherine, simply left upon finishing her speech).

I like this idea because I want Naerys to have more of a voice, and far more of a personality, in F&B 2 than she’s had up to this point. It does nothing for me as a reader to present Naerys as simply the sorrowful victim of Aegon’s manifold abuses and/or the vessel by which Daeron II can be born; these descriptions simply make her into a characterization tool for other (male) figures in the story, a way to show what they were like or how they came to be rather than to reflect on Naerys herself. The historical example of Katherine of Aragon shows that piety and marital fidelity do (and did) not preclude a female character from vigorously fighting for her rights (and, in Naerys’ case, her life) against a husband who might want to take them away. This would be an intelligent, dramatic, but still entirely pious and supplicating action Naerys could take: cutting through the obscuring veil of Morgil’s accusation to approach Aegon directly, both correctly determining that he was behind the accusation and publicly approaching him, as the ultimate arbiter of justice in Westeros, to judge her fairly. That might have in turn put Aegon squarely on the back foot: now he would have had to either publicly commit to denouncing Naerys himself (something he denied doing, according to Kaeth) or allow her to seek justice in what would have to be publicly seen as a fair trial - and with a formidably martially talented champion to defend her.

#asoiaf meta #fire and blood volume 2 #naerys targaryen #historical parallels #real world inspiration #katherine of aragon

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kusunokihimea · 5 years

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[ Semi-hiatus update for anyone who wants to know (warning: it’s v negative cuz yeah life sucks right now buuut if you’re wanting to know where I’m at here you go): ]

Today’s dentist appointment was bad. Real bad. Got me too upset so I’m not gonna elaborate now, but...in short, it’s bad.

The last week has been absolute hell. So much going wrong and continuing to go wrong, and expenses adding up.

I have a rip roaring headache from all the crying today so I’m gonna do my drabbles and that’s it. Again, apologies to everyone waiting on replies. I’ll probably start trying to catch up after this month ends. We’ll see.

My household had a bit of a blowup tonight and tbh my mood is very Not Great tonight because just...hhhhh I don’t want to elaborate. But in short, disagreements were had and I’m so sick of it.

So in short: things are bad. I don’t really wanna write, but I gotta. I’ll save RP for when things hopefully quiet down and I’m not in such a bad place. Thank you for your patience, and here’s hoping things get better soon. I love you guys <3

#sylvie speaketh [ ooc ]#negative //#so yeah #don't expect much from me until september honestly #i'll chip at what i can #mostly asks tbh #maybe quips #i just #don't have the heart for it right now #really feels like this house of cards is falling down #and i'm just #powerless #...i'm tired #so tired

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yoon-kooks · 6 years

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Witch Hazel- Pt.2

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: FanficWriter!Jungkook, Idol!Reader, College!AU, Angst, Fluff

Summary: There are two students in your art class with a secret: you and the quiet Jeon Jungkook. You’re a problematic idol singer, infamous for your ice cold reputation and perpetual resting bitch face; he’s the artist and author behind the viral comic series based on a certain ice queen idol. After a blowup of destructive rumors, lost motivation and inevitable solitude, you stumble upon Jungkook’s comic and find a new and unexpected light.

Word Count: 3.6k

Parts: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6 // ?

A/N: yikes i haven’t updated this in super long aaaaaaaaa also happy birthday to the nuttiest kid in all the land, jeon jungkook :-)

“Hey have you read Witch Hazel yet?”

“Of course I have… Who hasn’t?”

“True, it really went viral after Snow made that tweet, huh.”

“I can’t believe how much power that bitch has…”

“Yeah but that jk.seagull boy is super talented regardless.”

“It’s just a shame he wastes his talent on Snow of all people.”

“Right? Like, can you imagine if he wrote something about Park Jimin?? It’d be even more popular than Witch Hazel will ever b-”

The gossip dissipates as you walk into the art room, as if your classmates know you’re the idol they’ve been shit talking. But of course, that isn’t the case. It’s simply your chilling aura that halts any conversation for a brief moment.

You set your guitar case down and take your usual seat at the same table as the only two people who don’t seem to mind your presence.

“Y/N, did you hear? Jungkook became an overnight sensation,” Taehyung whispers to you as he points at the black mass that’s slumped over the table.

“Are you trying to tell me he’s the one who wrote the infamous Witch Hazel?” you yawn, unamused. But out of curiosity you look over to the boy who’s all bundled up under his hood with his head resting against the table, trying to catch up on as much sleep as possible before class begins. There’s no way he could write a fanfic comic about you.

“What? No! No, no, no, no,” Taehyung laughs and pulls out his phone to show you the same tabloid you’d seen the other day—the one that claimed Snow and Jimin were secretly dating. He points to the ominous hooded figure in the background of the photos. “Someone pointed him out in the midst of the whole Snow-Jimin chaos and now he’s a Twitter meme.”

“What kind of meme…?” You only ask because Jungkook does give off major meme vibes. Maybe it’s the way he pairs his round Harry Potter glasses and baggy hoodie with the tiny silver gauges in his ear and the ripped jeans that hug his thighs. He’s like some weeby hipster fusion, and you aren’t quite sure how to feel about that.

You don’t know what you were actually expecting, but it does feel a little shitty when you find out the meme in question features Jungkook as a shocked grim reaper who accidentally kills Snow’s career. Suddenly, you remember why you had chosen to stay away from social media.

“Funny, right?” Taehyung pats his sleeping friend’s broad back to wake him up. “But what’s even funnier is the fact that the cold-hearted Y/N reads fanfic, too??” Jungkook’s head pops up and tilts when he spots you sitting at their table. Oh no. The weeb thinks you’re one of them.

“I don't really read fanfic, okay? It’s just that Witch Hazel happened to be all over the internet, so I was curious.” You wave your hands in defense, praying they don’t get the wrong idea.

“Did you like it?” It’s literally the first fucking time you recall Jungkook ever speaking to you. His voice is much softer towards you than when he chatters with Taehyung, and there’s a genuine curiosity and innocence in his eyes.

“It was fine.” It’s not like you can just say no to those big doe eyes. “I just can’t believe there are people out there who really see Snow as their muse…” And what a relief it is to know.

Jungkook nods, although it seems like he’d say more if he wasn’t so shy. You watch as he pulls out two pages from his sketchbook, one with a realistic sketch of Taehyung’s face, and the other a comic version of a nerdy Jungkook.

“Thanks, friend.” Taehyung slides the beautiful portrait of himself over to the desk space in front of him and angles it towards you. “Stunning, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, too bad you didn't draw it yourself, you snake,” you shake your head. Despite all the hardwork Jungkook put into the portrait, you can’t help but feel bothered by the fact that his friend almost fucked him over with their little deal.

“Aww, don’t be so bitter, Y/N. I’m sure Jungkook would be willing to draw you too if you gave him something in return~” Taehyung winks at you, and as much as you’d love to tell him off, you can’t.

“Shut up, Tae-”

“I don't need his help,” you cut Jungkook off, pulling out your own self-portrait. Somehow it looks a lot uglier now than when you had first finished it. But whatever. At least it’s your own work, your own art. “I don’t need anyone’s help.”

Both Taehyung and Jungkook stare at your art, not really knowing what to say. The more you look at it yourself, the more you see that it doesn’t resemble you.

“Hey it kind of looks like Sn-”

“Alright everyone, it’s time for class to begin.” You’re thankful that your professor cut Taehyung off before his loud mouth said too much. You can’t believe your idiot self accidentally drew your portrait as a glammed-up Snow with her beautiful blue eyes rather than as a bland college kid Y/N with no shits to give. “Let’s start by taking a look at all of our self-portraits.”

You watch as your classmates take out their drawings, some better than others, but none quite as terrible as your own. You suppose you shouldn’t feel bad, considering you didn’t enter a school of the arts with the intentions of becoming an artist with paints and a sketchbook like most of your drawing class did. You entered school with the intentions of becoming an artist with your guitar and notebook. And the only reason why you made the decision to include this unrelated class on your schedule was to escape your failures as the musician you wished to be.

“Taehyung, since you love to talk, why don’t you start us off by introducing your piece? And then we’ll just go around the classroom one-by-one.” Your professor gestures to Jungkook’s drawing of Taehyung’s face. Great. The last thing you want to do is show off your ugly Snow portrait to an entire room of people you don’t really feel close to. If any of them find out you’re an idol, you’ll have to quit school. That was the agreement you made with Seokjin after he encouraged you to give school a chance.

“Well, I’d like to think my portrait is pretty straightforward. My approach was to be as realistic as possible while accentuating my most defining features such as my long eyelashes and beauty marks. And I did this by…” Taehyung goes on and on in such detail about the portrait that he didn’t even draw. It’s actually quite impressive. You envy his ability to speak with such confidence and charisma in a way that makes everyone believe his shitty art skills could produce something so beautiful. He knows how to make everyone his friend.

“Can you believe Taehyung’s that talented at drawing despite being a photography major?” You hear two girls whispering amongst themselves. “He’s incredible.”

Next is Jungkook. You snicker a bit at his drawing because it’s not exactly what you’d expect from the art genius of the class. While he had made Taehyung’s portrait super realistic, his own portrait looks like a bespectacled nerd that came straight out of a manga. Weeb. The thing that stands out most is his big nose. But you find it kind of cute.

“I just drew myself in comic form because that’s what I was most comfortable with,” he says, staring down at his sketch. You can tell he kind of trolled by overemphasizing with some dynamic lines for a more dramatic effect on his meme face.

“Amazing job as always, Jungkook,” your professor gives the boy a thumbs up in approval and elaborates further on the refined techniques he incorporated into the assignment. Jungkook only nods in response to the nice feedback. You appreciate how humble he is despite the professional level of his art. In the corner of your eye, however, you swear you see the same pair of Taehyung fangirls roll their eyes.

Finally it’s your turn. It’s unfortunate that you have to show your shitty artwork right after Jungkook’s two masterpieces, but it could be worse. After all, this wouldn’t be the first time your artistic ability has been criticized and compared with others. As an idol, you deal with that all the time.

“My self-portrait doesn’t look like me because it’s like a mask that superheroes wear to conceal their identities. So people don’t know what’s really hiding beneath the surface.” You don’t mean to darken the mood, but that’s the best way to put it without explicitly saying you have another identity as Snow. No one in your class makes a comment, but you suppose that’s expected. They wouldn't understand.

“And the blue eyes?” You wish your professor wouldn’t prompt you with more questions. Why couldn't she just say you did a good job and move on like she did with everyone else? You feel singled-out.

“I think they’re prettier than my real eyes.” You don’t want to tell everyone you’re a cold-hearted ice queen, but you aren’t completely lying either. Back when you first entered Polar Entertainment, you remember thinking it’d be cute to wear those icy blue contacts for your audition. And you suppose it paid off because you were told you were beautiful with a beautiful voice, perfectly suited to be an idol. But an idol was never what you wanted to be. Beauty wasn’t what you wanted to be remembered by, but that seems to be the only thing people ever praise Snow for.

“So your portrait is more of a reflection of who you’d like to be?” Wrong. Absolutely wrong.

“Yeah,” you say, in hopes that your professor will move on to pestering the next person. Thankfully, she does.

After wasting the majority of class on showcasing everyone’s artwork, your professor announces that there’s a “phase two” in the portrait unit. The new assignment is basically to draw yourself again, “but with the interpretation and direction from two of your classmates.” Your professor also notes that this group project requires a lot of work and interaction outside of class, and that you should get to know your groupmates really well in order to succeed in this assignment. Fantastic. You hate group projects.

You remember the horror stories from high school of being that one kid who couldn’t find a group, or having incompetent groupmates who let you down. You’d much prefer to do the work all on your own. Especially when you know your class has some pretty incompetent students of its own, namely Kim Taehyung. You’d hate to be stuck with that guy.

“Psst, Jungkook, Y/N. Wanna be in a group together?” No, you do not want to be in a group with Taehyung. However, you’re in no position to turn down his offer. Because you’re sure everyone else in your class wouldn’t appreciate having you on their team. That's just the way things are.

“Sure,” you say. Jungkook nods after you. Perhaps working with Jungkook will outweigh being dragged down by a slacker like Taehyung.

“Great, should we hangout after class today? Today’s like the one time I don’t have a date planned.” Taehyung flips through the filled calendar on his phone before handing his phone over for you to give him your number. After doing so, you check your own phone for a text from the boy with his number, but instead you find a message from your boss.

2:46PM monster lady👹 “Snow-- Seokjin informed me that you’ve requested to take time off from work. In light of this and the current situation regarding Park Jimin, please drop by my office today so we can have an open discussion about the best option for you moving forward.”

“I can’t, I have somewhere to go after class. Sorry guys.” You only feel bad because you’re the one holding them back.

“Where do you have to go? Is it a date?” Taehyung asks. Why does this guy only ever think about dates?

“No…” you answer, praying he’ll stop being so nosy.

“Then what-”

“Actually, I’m busy today too,” Jungkook adds before the other boy can say anything else. “I have to do a bunch of drawings for my animation class.”

“Excuses, excuses,” Taehyung shakes his head at you and Jungkook, as if he’s the responsible one in the group. “How did I get stuck with the two most antisocial people in the class?”

“You’re the one who asked us,” is what you want to say, but Jungkook says it for you.

“Fine, fine,” the other boy gives in because he knows he’ll fail the class without his buddy. “I’ll go get laid tonight, I guess.”

You nod, packing your things into bag and picking up your guitar. Before you leave, you realize you forgot something.

“Can I get your number too?” You point your guitar case in Jungkook’s direction. Flustered, he feels around his entire hoodie for his phone, only to remember it’s in the ass pocket of those tight jeans. He looks a bit hesitant about swapping phones with you, and you think it’s probably because he’s never gotten a girl’s number before.

But of course, it’s actually because he’s embarrassed by his lockscreen, a bright photo of Snow with a soft yellow sundress and her guitar. You remember you’d been excited for that photoshoot because you didn’t have to do any of the usual pin-up modeling that your company loves to milk out of you. But it’ll forever leave a bitter taste in your mouth because of the guitar. It was merely a prop, and nothing more.

You don’t say anything as you input your number into his phone, but you’ll never understand his infatuation with an idol as one-dimensional as Snow. Especially when he hasn’t even met her.

As you walk down the halls of your company’s building, you try not to get your hopes up. Sure, your boss might’ve sent you a friendly little text about having an “open discussion” with you, but you know she probably already has her mind made up on whatever’ll be best for herself and her company.

Knock. “Come in,” an authoritative voice calls out from the other side of the door. A middle-aged lady with round reading glasses and an edgy A-line bob sits at her desk, hands clasped together, when you step into her office. Yang Sooyoung, CEO of Polar Entertainment, the woman you’ve despised for the majority of your idol career, gestures for you to take the seat in front of her. “How are you today, Snow?”

“Good,” you lie. She doesn’t really give a shit about your well-being anyway, so why bother humoring her.

“That’s good,” she nods. “Were you busy earlier?” You know she’s only asking you this because she’s ticked off that you didn’t come sooner.

“I was just running some errands on my day off.” She isn’t aware that you attend school, and you’d like to keep it that way.

“Oh, I see. But please do try to make this your priority, just as we make you ours.”

“Of course.”

“That being said, we believe it’s best for you to apologize for the recent incident with Park Jimin. After we release a statement, you’ll be able to enjoy your time away from idol work, free of stress.”

“What exactly do you want me to apologize for?” You try your best not to come off sounding too annoyed, but you were never good at acting. Or being fake.

“For being too friendly with the boy, and as a result, causing a misunderstanding.” For being too friendly with a boy? All you recall doing was talking to Jimin for five minutes max.

“I need to apologize for that?”

“Yes,” she nods, completely serious. “I know you shouldn’t have to apologize, but it’s the most efficient way of handling the situation. I spoke to a representative from Bloom Entertainment, and they’ve already dealt with Jimin’s side.”

“I’ll clarify what happened in order to clear up any misunderstanding,” you say. “But I’m still not going to say sorry when I did nothing wrong.”

Your boss raises her pointy eyebrows and shakes her head. “Snow, for the sake of damage control, please just apologize. It doesn’t matter if it’s genuine or not. We just need to handle things professionally here.”

It doesn’t matter if you’re genuine. Just hearing those words infuriates you. “I can’t pretend like I’m obligated to apologize all the time just because I’m an idol with flaws. I don’t owe society anything.”

“But you do owe me and my company something, don’t you think? Who gave you the opportunity to become an idol in the first place? Me. So if you can’t suck it up and apologize to preserve my company’s reputation, then don’t call yourself an idol.”

What you want to do is quit and let your shitty boss rot with her company. The only reason her company has prospered is because of you—not the other way around. Ever since becoming an idol, you’ve felt more dead than alive. Snow, the fabricated idol, may be prospering. But Y/N, the actual girl behind Snow’s mask, is fading.

At the same time, you know you can’t quit. Not for the sake of the company, nor for the sake of money and fame, but for the sake of becoming someone’s hero, anyone’s hero. If you could achieve that goal through other means, you would. But at this rate, being the idol you hate is all you can do to make people happy. At least for now.

So you make your apology and let PR handle the rest. In exchange, you’re given a maximum of half a year to get your shit together before your contract expires.

That night, you lay sprawled out on your bed in your pink penguin pajamas. Rather than filling your mind with the toxicity you’ve been dealing with for the past few days, you try to let it go for now. Despite the frustrating talk you had with your boss, reality is sinking in that you have a nice long break ahead. You can’t remember the last time you’ve felt so relieved. Free.

You even made a promise to yourself that you’d steer far, far away from anything Snow or idol-related for the next few weeks. And there are only two exceptions you’ll make.

The first exception is your manager. As your one and only friend, you do rely on Seokjin more than you’d like to admit. Because not only does he keep you from doing irrational things as an idol, he also keeps you company on your days off from work and school. The two of you get along quite well, and he’s the only person you can be yourself around. He’s like your life boat—without him, you surely would’ve sunk long ago.

The second exception is Witch Hazel. And as soon as you curl up into your bed, you go to the jk.seagull blog, now bookmarked on your phone’s browser. He has several short posts added to his blog since the last time you checked.

“asdfghjkl;;;;”

“sHE!!!”

“i cant believe snow saw witch hazel?? and even tweeted about it??”

“guys this makes me so happy :((((”

“brb crying”

“ok im back but holy fuck wow”

“anyway thank you guys so much for showing this comic a lot of love and support :(((”

“ill try my best to make pt.2 even better! i might be a little busy with art school, but please anticipate another update soon!”

He’s an art student like you. He’s enthusiastic about sharing his art with others, like the way you feel when releasing a new album. He’s genuinely grateful for the support from his audience, like the way you feel at the end of every concert. But he does it all behind a mask, just like you.

Just as you’re about to close your browser and text Seokjin about spending the night, a new post pops up on jk.seagull’s blog.

“lmao heres a sneak peek of pt.2 that no one asked for~”

Beneath the caption is a sketch of little Snow trying to make friends with a bunny boy character, but she fails because she’s too much of a stubborn tsundere. You assume this new bunny character must be a fellow superhero of some sort, a possible ally or maybe even a romantic interest. Either way, you find it both cute and hilarious. Snow could never have a romantic interest in real life, but you suppose it’s nice to dream. At the same time, you laugh because it’s true that you struggle with being too stubborn and closed off to make friends. Somehow, this jk.seagull guy knows you too well.

With that, you close your browser and open the messaging app on your phone. But rather than texting Seokjin like you had originally planned, you start a new chat.

9:37PM Y/N “Taehyung, Jungkook, let’s meet up tomorrow morning if you guys are free to work on the project”

9:38PM Y/N “💃💃💃”

You aren’t sure why you felt the need to include a stream of dancing girl emojis, but maybe it’s the least you can do in an effort to be more friendly.

9:40PM Taehyung “Yeah I’m not free lol”

9:40PM Jungkook “im free💃💃💃”

You’re so distracted by the fact that Jungkook reciprocated the same dancing girl emojis that you skim right over Taehyung’s message.

9:41PM Y/N “Good. Let’s meet at the mall tomorrow at 10?”

A/N: next time on dragon ball z, y/n and jungkook will legit interact, i swear💋

#bts scenarios #bts fanfic #bts imagines #bts angst #jungkook fanfic #bts fluff #jungkook x reader #bts college au #bts idol au #jungkook #bts #bangtan #witch hazel

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bigbrothermonopoly · 5 years

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EPISODE 6:

HOH: JESS

EVICTED: CHRIS 6-3

JESS:

youtube

BRIEN:

youtube

BRIEN:

youtube

BRIEN:

youtube

CHRIS:

Please on everything let the nominations stay the same 😂. This is the perfect scenario to backdoor someone. I’ll be pissed if I don’t get taken out by Andrew. If I die and get evicted , I want the satisfaction of being defeated by my enemy, not someone who works for them. The ban hammer is coming though, once we get on an HoH , it’s time to play

KORI:

So let's see, Gwen now knows about Emma's advantage. Apparently Brien told her, I'm mildly worried she doesn't believe me when I told her I didn't know that Emma had the advantage though I stupidly said I knew she had a SINGLE light blue... so it was a sort of truth because that was true awhile ago. That's a storyline waiting to blowup in my face later I'll bet. I'm glad Jess won HoH because I feel like my odds of staying pretty much certain this week. ADDITIONALLY, I LOVE the current nomset, especially if Brien is the one that goes. But naturally fate will intervene and someone will win Veto shaking things up. I mean I didn't expect Eve to go, and look what happened. I'm trying to be optimistic since I don't think I'm bombing this... TOO hard. I just keep worrying I might make a social misstep (Assuming I haven't already). There's just so much constantly happening and honestly it IS tiresome playing this middle role. I think it'll eventually bite me in the ass. Gwen told me about Dem's tea apparently being about me according to Chris. I tried probing Chris to see if he'd tell me that Dem was slandering me, I was just talking about how much I trust our group. (To be frank, I think I laid it on too thick.) He didn't give though. I think it's a good gauge to see if people want Dem to go. We'll have to see if others beyond Gwen come forward with this info. In the meanwhile I made $50! I missed the last couple 1 to a mistake which Gwen got. The other I'm not sure since I simply wasn't online. If I can make back another $100 I'll meet the amount I'm "supposed" to have after having bought the utilities. I still don't think I'll ever have enough to "make a move" in this game, but maybe I can prevent someone else's. A railroad purchase isn't too crazy if I can get things and people to line up properly. I feel like my ideal 3 at THIS moment is Myself, Emma, and Jess. While my ideal next 3 boots are Brien, Dem, and one of Andrew and Chris.

GWEN:

I feel like Chris is lying to me about something, but I don't know what. I definitely trust Kori 100%. The information that I share with him does not get out. The only thing that I haven't shared is that Chris and I literally go on call every night and like fall asleep. I'm debating whether to tell him...I feel like if I wait too long, he might not trust me. But if Chris tells him, I might break Kori's trust. I might tell him tomorrow. We will see. I would say that on a game/strategic level, but Chris definitely more on a personal level. But like Chris COULD be totally playing me. I wouldn't put it past him. But luckily, I have my guard up and I'm totally aware that this could be a possibility. I really hope Brien goes home. He's toooo snakey. I'm still not totally sure who shared the info about the alliance with Dem...but time will tell. I have the Cloud 9 power. Chris, Austin, and I put our resources together to get it. I can use it on me or on them, but I can't transfer it. Obviously, I told Kori about it as it was going down. Lol. But I trust Kori not to throw me under the bus. I WANT to trust Chris. I'm trying to feed his ego in case that is the case. OMG Chriss you are such a great Will Kirby OMG teach me your ways. Like I haven't had people fooled before. But in all seriousness, I hope that Chris and I can continue to be friends once the game is over. BUT IN THIS GAME I WILL DO WHAT I NEED TO DO TO PROTECT MYSELF. Oh also, I'm getting closer with Kristine. I like her. I wish I was closer with Jess and William. I feel like Jess doesn't quite trust me, which is sad. We shall see.

GWEN:

Chris, Chris, Chris...you silly silly boy. I'm ONTO YOU. And you don't even realize you did it to yourself. You are sooooo lucky to be up next to a showmance right now. I might have to play this charade for one or two more rounds. I just need to try to get you out without you knowing I did it so you don't blow up my game. And get you to give me your money. (DEVIL EMOJI).

GWEN:

As I wait 8 more minutes until I can search for an idol in another ORG...I figured I would elaborate on my last DR. Chris, Chris, Chris. First of all, your talk with Dem today was complete BS. And you didn't give me a straight answer when I asked what was happening. You think you are soooo clever manipulating everyone a la Dr. Will. Not on my watch MR. You may have charmed me for a while, but I am onto you and I am coming for you. And for someone who doesn't want to be found on the internet, it was pretttttty lazy of you to post a picture of you with your work badge with your last name showing Mr. Chris. Easy Facebook search and what do I find? Mr. Chris has a girlfriend of at least a year. How does she feel about you staying up on call with me almost every night for a week? Sounds like either you don't tell her (which I would be pissed about) OR you think I'm just a tool to use in this game. Well, watch me hammer you out of here and give me your money in the process. I don't know how yet. But I will. Don't you worry. Until then, I'm just your sweet, innocent, naive Gwen. "OMG Chris how do you do it you are sooooooo good. OMG Chris get on call with me tonight. OMG Chris." Please. You may be lucky and not go this week, but guess what? I have someone that I actually trust 100% in Kori and between the two of us, we will cook up a plan. He will be finding out about your shenanigans tomorrow. Have fun in VL/Jury House. Byeeeee.

WILLIAM:

Ummmmmmmmmmm.... Alot happened in the last few days... 1.) Everyone found out about an alliance of 6. 2.) Dem lost his shit, both making everyone mad and showing that he is emotional but also exposed many more people. 3.) Kristine said the Brien started the whole alliance and decided to leave me out, and 4.) Chris (Who is on the block...) TOLD ME HE MADE THE ALLIANCE AND CHOOSE TO LEAVE ME OUT... Like do you want me to vote to keep you???

BRIEN:

youtube

BRIEN:

https://youtu.be/y5F4dQL_CKk

AUSTIN:

I believe I fucked myself. I decided to team up with Chris and Gwen so we could get a full property set. The plan was that I ended up with the set but I got stuck giving it to Gwen. I trust her but I don’t trust Chris. I need him to go so there is a better chance of Gwen using the power on me. Also he decided to throw me under the bus multiple times so I don’t trust him one bit. On the contrary, I’m in an alliance with Andrew, Jess, and Mackenzie and I feel very safe with them.

KORI:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dgDcG250h60&feature=youtu.be

JESS:

Holy fucking shit. I knew my HOH reign would be messy but I didn't expect it to be as messy as it is probably going to be. A lot of people are cracking. There are sooooo many god damn cracks. Which was kind of the goal. I knew there was a high chance of there being some strong connections between people and people usually crumble under pressure. I know with me as HOH there is A LOT OF UNCERTAINTY between people so people are going to crack. So after nominations Brien had come up to me basically insinuating that he said screenshots to prove my word was shit which is fine because my word is DEF shit to people I don't trust aka: Brien. But the way he went about this conversation kind of had me dying lmfao. He basically was saying how my word was shit but then 5 minutes later.... outed an entire side of the house? IT JUST DOESN'T ADD UP SIS. BUT points were def made. He basically outed a majority alliance which had fucking two people I thought I trusted? Honestly though, I knew I couldn't trust Kori. The guy literally had the personality of a wet Kleenex, Emma is going to float to the end and probably win because she's harmless, Chris is a snake, and Kristine is charismatic. The End.

0 notes

badnovels · 7 years

Text

The Locked Door

Finally, Part 2. It got a little long. Rated E

by sunsetsrmydreams

[Part I (based on this and this)]

—

Turns out, Katniss’ instincts were correct.

Fucking Gale Hawthorne was a terrible, terrible idea.

They make it a month before he starts to suggest they get more serious.

She is forced to break out all the old favorites.

“I’m not looking for anything serious.”

“It’s not you, it’s me.”

And the final nail in the coffin, “I hope we can still be friends.”

How did she become this person?

As she watches him leave her apartment, she knows he didn’t deserve this. But she couldn’t let it continue. Better to nip it in the bud now before it can affect her job.

Not that she’s planning on staying.

After unsuccessfully avoiding Peeta and the blowup she had that day in the parking lot, she knows that this job, this town, can’t be permanent.

Looking at teaching positions anywhere within a twenty mile radius has been taxing, but she knows she’ll find something. She has to.

Making it through her contract will be a challenge but what else can she do? Curling up in a tight ball on her couch, she thinks about the person who has driven her to this.

Over the last few weeks there have been few instances where she’s had to interact with Peeta. They were curt and professional but she was rattled by his slow decline. The violet smudges under his sad blue eyes, unusually pale skin, he even looks like he may have lost weight.

She curses herself for noticing.

Maybe that’s what divorce does to you?

For the first time, she wonders what caused it? They have a baby that’s not even out of diapers, what could destroy their marriage that quickly?

She’s not been a relationship since Peeta, unwilling to experience that kind of pain ever again, she keeps her romantic life light and uncomplicated.

No. Katniss Everdeen, commitmentphobe, is the last person that should be trying to figure out the “whys” of Peeta and Madge’s divorce.

She manages to pull herself off the couch, shutting lights off as she make her way back to the bedroom. After crawling into bed she grabs a pillow to cuddle, wrapping the blankets tightly around her. Settling in to sleep and hoping against hope that tomorrow will be better.

Another month goes by with no big upsets.

Gale is professional and keeps his distance which suits her just fine.

But Peeta…Peeta is really beginning to worry her. And she hates herself for it.

She’s been keeping to herself for weeks now, Prim would be ashamed of her for hiding out like this. Looking in the mirror she squares her shoulders.

Katniss Everdeen isn’t a coward.

She can do this.

It’s Saturday morning and she really needs to go shopping, she simply can’t put it off any longer.

She’s survived on takeout and canned goods for months now, too embarrassed to admit, even to herself, that she doesn’t want to set foot in that Grocery Store.

But it’s early and she’s hungry. This has to happen.

It only takes her thirty minutes to fill her cart to the brim. With this haul, she’ll be able to avoid this place for weeks!

Items are scanned, bagged, and loaded in no time. Feeling weirdly proud of herself, she pulls into Starbucks intent on treating herself to a Chai Latte.

She fumbles with her wallet for a moment before catching something at her window. Her head whips to the side and, to her horror, standing there peering through the glass is Madge Undersee Mellark.

Damn small towns.

Katniss debates pulling out of the spot and racing away…but that idea is dashed as Madge steps close and taps gently, motioning for her to roll it down.

The muscle movement is involuntary and Katniss looks on in horror as the barrier slides down.

“Katniss…it’s been a long time,” Madge says softly.

Katniss doesn’t know how to reply, so she just sits there, staring at this person who used to be her best friend.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come over here and ambushed you like this,” Madge admits as she nervously tucks a lock of hair behind her ear.

Her blond hair glints in the sun, just like it did when they were kids wearing matching braids. They’ve known each other since Kindergarten and these are the first words they have spoken in 11 years. And Katniss remembers the reason….perfectly.

“How can I help you Madge?” Katniss questions harshly.

“I saw you, at the restaurant,” Madge blurts, leaning back slightly, letting out a small huff that might be a laugh “You know, I didn’t even have to set eyes on you to know you were there….I just had to look at Peeta. He’s never looked at anyone the way he looks at you.”

Katniss is humiliated when she feels the sting of tears…this is too much. She needs to get out of here. Now.

“What do you expect me to say to that?” Katniss snaps, fury starting to color her words.

Madge sighs. “Nothing, Katniss. It’s just the truth.” And she takes a step back, allowing the car to back out of the space.

Which it does. With haste.

It’s blessedly Friday and the bell has just rung. The idea of relaxing for two days sans Peeta causes some of the tension to leave her shoulders.

Why does she have to be so damn aware of him all the time?

After what Madge said, for some reason, Katniss has covertly been trying to catch this way he supposedly looks at her.

Unsuccessfully, so far. His eyes dart away far to fast for her to see the look in them.

She needs to stop trying. Just a handful of months and she’s out of here.

Needing to restock her classroom , she makes her way down the echoing halls and over to the dreaded supply closet.

A ten by ten room filled with every manner of school supplies, a bare bulb and rays filtering through a small window are it’s only sources of light.

Effie had spent an extra five minutes in front of this room on her tour, explaining it perils. There is a kick stop that holds the door ajar during working hours, otherwise it locks and only the janitors carry the key. Over the years more than a few students have been locked inside for a few hours after trying to stage a make out between classes. Kids, right?

Flicking the light switch she steps through. She stumbles. Her feet tangle ungracefully and she can’t even be bothered to care because in the comer, curled up against the wall with head in hands, sits Peeta. His whole body folded in on itself with obvious misery.

The loud click of the door behind her startles them both.

His head snaps up, catching her eyes. “Katniss?”

She spins and pulls frantically at the handle though she knows its useless. Leaning her forehead against the cool metal, she tries to fight off her growing hysteria. “We’re locked in.”

Peeta doesn’t move from his position.

“When will they be by to let us out?” she asks anxiously.

Hearing his deep sigh she looks over her shoulder.

He rubs his face harshly. “The night cleaning crew doesn’t come in till midnight,” he states tiredly.

Seven hours. She’s going to be locked in this room with him for seven fucking hours!

She can feel the panic creeping up her spine.

Peeta looks over at her, taking in her twisted features before dropping his gaze back to the floor, seeming too worn down to even be upset.

She can’t hide. Can’t avoid him. And running isn’t an option.

“What about Gale? Will he look for you?” he questions.

“Um…no.” She chooses not to elaborate.

Taking deep breaths, she attempts to calm herself. There has to be a way out.

“Won’t Madge and the kids miss you? Maybe call the school?” She managed to sound hopeful despite the lump in her throat.

“No. The kids are with her parents this weekend since Madge is taking a trip with her boyfriend,” he replies.

“Boyfriend?” she asks as she gives up and slides down the wall across from him, pulling her knees up and wrapping her arms around them protectively.

“Yeah, they’ve been together for months now so they were due for a practice weekend,” he says without a hint of jealousy.

“Did she cheat?” she blurts.

Katniss closes her eyes, why can’t she stop asking questions?

“No,” he says firmly. “What we had, it just wasn’t enough. Madge had met a guy through her job, it got intense pretty fast. She came to me and we decided to divorce.”

“Just like that?”

“I understood, I wasn’t going to make it any harder for her.”

“But you just had a baby!” Katniss sputtered indignantly.

“We like being parents.” He shrugs “It was the one thing about us that really worked. I never really thought I’d get that since….” He looks away, cheeks flushing.

The rest of the phrase hung in the air even though it was never spoken. “You didn’t want children.“

Slumping against the wall she closes her eyes, taking a few minutes to digest what she has just heard.

When she opens them again, he has his hands fisted tightly in his hair.

"I am so damn sorry, Katniss,” he croaks, the pain clear in his voice as his eyes bore into hers. “I have wanted to say that to you for years. I needed to say it.” He swallows before continuing. “I know you hate me, and I deserve it, all of it. I was sad and stupid and careless and it just fucking happened. When I woke and saw her in my bed, I was sick. I had ended us…I knew then that you would never forgive me. I wanted to take it back but I couldn’t.”

She stays quiet.

He shakes his head. “Madge wouldn’t even meet my eyes when she left the room. I held out some hope that it would stay a secret, Madge sure as hell wasn’t going to tell anyone….I thought maybe we could just forget it and act like it never happened.”

His voice is gravelly and filled with tears. “But when she showed up with that test…and then you walked in. Well, you know what happened after that.”

His head thumps as he leans it back against the wall "I don’t regret Lola. But, Katniss, that day was the worst fucking day of my life.“

Katniss just nods, swiping a stray tear from her cheek with the back of her hand.

"Why did you get married?” she asks.

“We were partners, raising our daughter together. It felt like it was time to give up on childish dreams.” He looks over at her. “We thought maybe just being friends and having a family would be enough.” He exhales a shaky breath. “Rye tried all damn day to talk me out of it, but I needed to do right by Madge and Lola, not to mention my mother who was practically crowing over the match, I think she would have shot me if I had tried to back out.”

Katniss snorts. Mrs. Mellark is a heavy handed harpy, Katniss can imagine her sinking her claws into that wedding.

Peeta catches her eyes. “I saw you that day. It was like my whole world stopped. I knew in that moment I’d never really get over you.”

The tears start in earnest now, but she’s not the only one. “I don’t think I can forgive you, Peeta.”

“I don’t expect you to. But I can’t go on pretending that it doesn’t kill me when you act like I don’t exist. Maybe, if I stop acting so wounded we might ….do you think we…maybe….have a shot at being friends?” he stammers, his eyes pleading with her.

“Maybe,” she whispers, so damn tried of being angry.

They settle into silence.

It must be late evening now, exhausted from this carnival of emotions, she lays down on the floor, glancing over to Peeta. His eyes are closed but she can tell he’s not sleeping. Deciding to practice avoidance by taking a nap, she closes her eyes and gives in to sleep.

She wakes on a firm comfortable pillow. And she’s so warm even though she can feel the freezing cold floor beneath her. She jerks upright, startling Peeta, who’s lap she had just vacated. Noticing his jacket bundled around her front, she yanks it off and thrusts it back to him.

Embarrassed and dying to avoid the awkwardness of the situation, she clears her throat and asks, “Did you sleep?”

“Not much. But I feel better than I have in a while,” he says with a shy smile.

They both look over when they hear the click of the door, as the janitor steps through, gaping with wide eyes when he sees them. After some muffled excuses and apologies, they leave the closet.

Peeta walks her to her car and before she can shut herself safely inside, he grabs her hand. And to her surprise, she lets him.

They slowly become friends.

Peeta is careful not to overwhelm her, only saying hello when they run into each other in the lounge before their work day begins.

Then, somehow, those quick hello’s give way to breakfasts of hot chocolate and cheese buns, soon followed by the occasional lunch together, sharing stories, talking lesson plans, and chatting about the students.

He never mentions Madge or the kids.

She knows he’s probably terrified she’ll run…and maybe he’s right. But it getting harder to act like that part of his life doesn’t exist.

The weeks roll by, they grow together.

Kantiss starts to remember why she loved being around him in the first place. But it doesn’t stop her from shutting down the first time he asks her to dinner.

Ignoring his calls and texts, she ends up crying on the phone to Prim for hours. How can she ever let him close again?

Prim is wary but supportive, thinking it might be good for Katniss to work through these old feelings.

Armed with Prim’s encouragement, she finally says yes to dinner. As friends.

One dinner turns into many, and soon it’s not enough. Not only do they spend every other Friday and Saturday cooking, watching movies and generally slubbing around, soon, Wednesdays also become a night that is spent at her place or his, grading papers and eating takeout.

She can feel something changing between them. It starts with a hug, then he takes her hand one night as they walk to a diner and he never really lets go.

She feels a bit like the frog in boiling water. If this had happened weeks ago, she would’ve had the good sense to save herself. As it is, that shimmering heat feels like a luxury that she hasn’t experienced in far too long. His touches warm her from the inside and she can tell from the flush after every caress or peck on the cheek that Peeta feels the same.

One Wednesday night, Madge calls asking if she can drop the kids off so she can attend a book club.

Katniss, gathers her things and starts towards the door before Peeta stops her with a gentle hand on her arm.

“Please stay?” he asks softly.

“I don’t think so, Peeta,” she mumbles , wanting to be anywhere else in this moment.

“I would like for you to get to know them,” he insists.

“Don’t you think it’s to soon?” she argues, shaking off his hand.

“Don’t run. Please.” His desperation is palpable. “I need you in my life and they are my children. Just spend one night with us. We’ll play some games, watch TV, maybe make cookies. It will be okay, I promise,” he assures her.

She stops with her hand on the door knob. Did she want this? Was this thing between them permanent?

If she really is thinking of giving this friendship, or whatever the hell it is, a go then she’s going to have to meet his kids for real.

His and Madge’s kids. The thought makes her stomach twist. She has come to terms with the facts over the last few weeks but it’s easy to forget sometimes. Peeta’s attention was unwavering when they were together, he treats her like she’s the center of his world. But adding his kids to the mix was something different entirely.

Could she do this?

She lets her hand fall away from the door and turns to him. The hope lighting his eyes convinces her that she’s made the right choice.

It’s surprisingly easy to be around them. Lola is a little less than friendly but Katniss doesn’t take offense and eventually she warms slightly, even laughing when they play a board game. Maggie takes to her immediately, giggling and chatting incessantly, and asking for a braid just like Katniss.

But it’s Ben’s reaction that makes Peeta smile.

Ben adores her. For a while he just watches her with his wide blue eyes before breaking into a brilliant, gummy smile. He reaches for her, his little fists grabbing for her insistently. Katniss glances at Peeta and he nods with a grin. She reaches over and carefully lifts the boy into her arms, Ben in turn takes her face in his tiny hands and babbles happily.

It turns into a regular thing. Every Wednesday she comes over, she and Peeta grade papers together, then Madge drops the kids off. They cook or order Pizza followed by games or coloring until Madge picks them up.

One night Madge calls and asks if the children can stay overnight. And instead of letting Katniss go home, he takes one look at her drooping eyelids. "Stay,“ he begs.

He almost doesn’t hear her whispered reply.

He makes sure she’s settled in his bed before returning to the couch.

She falls asleep, relaxed and comfortable, wrapped in the warm sent of him.

Waking to the sun, she quickly readies herself for the day. She can hear Peeta in the Kitchen cooking and kids talking.

Waiting patiently until Peeta comes up to get her, not entirely sure the kids should know she spent the night.

It doesn’t take him long.

Minutes later he bounds up the stairs, meeting her with a happy grin. "Come on,” he says and taking her hand and ushering her into the kitchen while the kids are distracted with their breakfast. They look up only for a moment before digging back into the waffles.

The plates are barely in the sink when the doorbell rings. The girls race from the room to get ready for school.

“Katniss, could you..?" Peeta asks with a pleading look as he holds his syrup-covered little boy at arms length.

"Um, sure,” she says as she watches him rush out of the room.

She walks to the door taking a deep breath before pulling it open. Madge doesn’t look at all shocked to see her.

Right then Peeta pokes he head back in. “I’m just getting them ready to go,” he states before racing back down the hall to gather the kids and their things.

And she’s left alone with Madge.

Katniss suddenly becomes very interested in her phone, ignoring the other woman completely , so she is surprised to feel someone invade her three foot bubble of personal space.

“It’s good to see you, Katniss," Madge says warmly.

"Mhmm,” Katniss grumbles

“Peeta looks so much better since…well…he looks like he’s been sleeping,” she falters.

“What are you implying, Madge?” Katniss snarls.

“I wasn’t implying anything!” she says, exasperated “Almost every night the first year we were married he called for you in his sleep. I guess I hadn’t noticed before that all his nightmares were about losing you.

Katniss balks but Madge doesn’t stop there.

"When they were really bad, he’d only get two or three hours a night,” she continues “After he saw you again, he started looking so awful, I figured they had gotten bad again. I was worried about him.”

Katniss thinks about the dark circles that shrouded his eyes those first months, how pale and unhealthy he looked. She had thought the divorce was causing it, but could she have been the reason? Thinking of how much better…how much happier he’s looked since they became friends, it might be likely.

Madge takes a deep breath, “I am so sorry I hurt you, Katniss. We made a mistake and tried to make the best of it. But our lives haven’t been easy and just look where we are now.” She shakes her head and sighs. “I think he’s missed you every single day.”

“I’m not sure we should be talking about this,” Katniss implores as she backs away slightly.

“You need to hear it,” Madge says firmly. “You think we rode off into the sunset or something but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Christ, Katniss! Even when I heard him jerking off in the bathroom he said your name. You think I don’t know that he was with me out of duty? The only thing that has made me feel worthy at all in this marriage, is being a parent to our children,” she admits.

Madge meets Katniss with solemn eyes. “We can’t change the past, but now, we all have the opportunity to be happy. I’m going to take it and I hope you do too,” she declares before walking into the kitchen to grab the overnight bags.

After ushering everyone out, Peeta looks at her nervously, noting her shell-shocked expression. “Are you okay? Did Madge say something to you?” he frets.

“Do you dream about me?” Katniss whispers.

“What?” he asks, shocked at the question.

“Madge said you had dreams, nightmares about me.”

“Yes. I did. I do,” he confessed softly.

“Why?” she asks, needing to know everything.

“Isn’t it obvious, Katniss?” Agitated, he runs his hand through his hair and starts to pace. “I’m afraid it’s too soon, that if I say it, you’ll run.”

“Tell me,” she orders and he stops, looking at her straight in the eye.

“I dream about you because I love you. I am in love with you and have been almost my whole life. I have nightmares about you because I fucked up and lost you and it haunts me, Katniss, even in my sleep.” His eyes are apologetic and sad but he needs to get the words out. “Madge is the mother of my children and as such, I care for her…but she was never the one for me.” he moves closer “I fell for you when I was five years old, and never… not even for one moment have I ever stopped,” he rants.

“What about that moment when you decided to fuck Madge?” Katniss spits, wanting to hurt him for making her feel this vulnerable…this hopeful.

He yells, a short burst of angry sound. “You broke my heart Katniss! You cut me loose! I was broken and lonely and she was right there. It was wrong and I knew it but I couldn’t see past my own suffering. And, Fuck, even after we found out she was pregnant, if there was the smallest chance you would have let me back in, I would’ve chosen you. Always.”

He takes another step closer, she can tell how badly he wants to reach for her, tears stain both their faces but he’s not done. “I had to be there for my child and her mother but , damn it, I needed you, Katniss. I needed you!” he shouts. “And how do you feel about me? Not once have you ever said. You let me go, then you show back up at the worst possible moment. Why? You hated me for eleven years, then nearly drive me mad with jealousy and longing and now we’re acting like friends.”

He runs his hands through his hair roughly. “Just once I’d like to know how you really feel” he says, defeated. “I need to know if this is real."

They watch each other, chests heaving like there’s not enough oxygen in the room.

Then she’s on him.

Throwing herself into his arms, grabbing his face, kissing him violently, with everything she’s kept secret and safe inside her. He grips her tightly, returning the kiss and plundering her mouth with his tongue. They slam against the wall. God, the feel of him after so long is making her crazy with need. She pulls at him wanting him closer. He pushes them off the wall, grabbing her ass and grinding her against his cock, making her delirious.

Katniss doesn’t fight him when he maneuvers them down the hall, losing count of the number of things they kick over and knock down as they stumble to the bedroom. She rips at his clothes, not caring when she hears the seams of his shirt rip, Peeta pulls at her jeans almost forgetting to unbutton them in his haste.

She drops her shirt to the floor, mouth going dry as his fingers work the button and zipper. When she’s free, she pushes his jeans down and he kicks them away, looking to her for approval before hooking his thumbs into the waistband of his boxers and ripping them off his legs. Her eyes widen as his cock springs free, so hard and thick for her.

“Katniss.” Her name falls from his lips "Is this real?” His expression is raw.

She lifts her head, meeting those blue eyes and nods, a short jerky motion, but it’s enough.

He reaches out to her, slowly this time. His fingertips gliding along her shoulder, sliding the strap of her bra down her arm. His eyes fall to the soft curve of breast and pebbled nipple that’s exposed. A groan escapes his lips as he pulls the other strap down, baring her to his eyes, then reaching behind her to remove it completely. His hands ghost over her breasts, a soft whispering touch that makes her nipples tighten further before moving them down to her hips, pushing her onto the bed.

He lifts his eyes to hers once more, asking permission. Katniss nods, biting down on her lower lip as he pulls her panties down, before throwing them uncaring over his shoulder.

His eyes are focused on her core and she watches him as he swallows hard. She can see his cock twitch and feels her need for him, heavy and burning, twisting her insides.

“God, you’re beautiful.” His voice trails off “I need to touch you.” His voice is low and filled with intensity.

“Then do it.” Her voice is rough. Her hand reaching out, smoothing over his cheek, her thumb tracing slowly over the outline of his lips.

He leans down and their lips meet in a tangle of tongues and teeth, taking her breath away.

His large warm hands rove over her body, lightly pinching her nipples before laving them with his tongue. She moans, a deep throaty sound, causing an answering groan as he kisses his way down her body. She arches up as his hand glides over her thigh, spreading her legs open wider. Her breath hitches as his fingers slide over her pussy, rubbing her expertly. She begins to quake, his eyes dart to her face as his thumb presses down on her clit and he plunges two thick fingers inside her, driving them in deeply before thrusting them in and out.

She arches off the bed with a scream, the pleasure so great she’s afraid she might burst out of her skin. The pressure building and building until she can’t stand it.

“More, I need more,” she pants frantically. “I need you inside.” She grabs his shoulder, forcing him down on top of her, not wanting to wait another moment.

His feral look has returned and he gets even harder against her thigh. He reaches a hand between them, gripping his cock and guiding it to her entrance. When he teases her clit with the bulbous head, heat spears through her and she moans.

Leaning most of his weight on his elbow, he kisses her, long and deep. Her hands skim up his sides and rest on his back feeling the roll of muscles there, her nails bite into his skin.

“Say it, Katniss.” He stares down at her. “Say it, I need to hear it.”

“Real,” she gasps.

He thrusts inside hard, sending pleasure screaming through her. Moaning loudly as he retreats and then pushes in again. She’d forgotten the way he filled her to the brim, stretched so tight around him, she can feel the pulse of his heart between her legs.

“Fuck, Katniss, you were made to fit me,” he groans, lost in the feel of their bodies connecting for the first time in so long.

He grunts as his hips rock faster and she can feel him swelling inside. Her hips rise to meet every thrust, her mouth open wide with her moans. She’s on the edge when he moves just so, pushing in hard and deep, hitting that pinched and aching spot over and over.

Katniss screams as the tight coil springs free, her eyes clench and a thousand stars burst behind her eyelids. Quivering as pleasure consumes her, leaving no part of her body untouched by it. Peeta follows her moments later, the feel of her tightening around his cock too much for him, his cock throbbing as he fills her.

Her name falls from his lips in a deep groan, his head drops to her shoulder as he fights for breath, overwhelmed by it all.

“Oh my God,” she whispers. How had she forgotten this? Some sort of protective measure in her brain must have blocked it out, so she could continue living her life without it.

“I know,” Peeta groans. “Wow. I thought I remembered everything but my memories didn’t even come close to that.”

He moves to her side but can’t seem to stop touching her. Wrapping her fingers in his hair, she tugs him down for a kiss. It’s slow and sweet and makes her blood hum in her veins. It should scare her, this feeling, but she has spent to many years hurt and alone. She wants this.

As if he can read her thoughts, his eyes meet hers. “Katniss,” he says almost reverently. “Will you stay with me?”

She gives the only answer she can. Kissing him again, she whispers one word against his lips.

It surprises no one when their relationship moves at the speed of light.

Prim, though concerned in the beginning, regarded Katniss with wide astonished eyes as Katniss talked and laughed with Peeta’s children. Seeing her sister come out of her shell made Prim rethink any and all objections.

Katniss was even Peeta’s date to Madge’s wedding.

Peeta stood holding her tightly against him as she smiled and they offered their congratulations to the bride and groom.

They even stayed for the reception, Peeta taking turns dancing with the girls while Katniss swayed slowly with a sleeping Ben.Laughing quietly as Peeta showed off his spectacularly bad dance moves.

She looks at them, and though she knows it won’t always be easy, she can’t think of a single place she would rather be. So when she feels Peeta slide up behind her, asking softly if she’s ready to go as he bows his head at the two sleepy girls by the table, she can only nod and smile. “Together?” she whispers as she cuddles Ben closer.

She sees the spark in his eyes as he grins widely before kissing her happily. “Together.”

#just in time for fathers day #and blesssss theres smut #also #imagine your husband saying someone elses name every time he jerks off #sunsetsrmydreams #everlark #submission

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yasbxxgie · 7 years

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Octavia Butler: Writing Herself Into The Story

Transcript [MP3]

RACHEL MARTIN, HOST:

And we're going to spend the next few minutes hearing about an African-American woman who would not let cultural norms stand in the way of her imagination. Her name is Octavia Butler, and she was a literary giant in the world of science fiction, a genre that was and is dominated by white men. The Huntington Library just north of LA is honoring Butler and her work in an exhibition this summer. Here's Karen Grigsby Bates from our Code Switch team.

KAREN GRIGSBY BATES, BYLINE: Octavia Butler's vivid imagination was the product of a smart kid who spent a lot of time alone.

(SOUNDBITE OF TV SHOW, "SCI-FI BUZZ")

OCTAVIA BUTLER: I'm an only child, and I had no idea how to get along with other children. And also, I was a strange kid who'd learned to stay by herself and make things up.

BATES: That's Butler, who died in 2006, talking to "Sci-Fi Buzz." The strange kid grew up in her widowed mother's Pasadena home. Young Octavia spent her time reading and writing stories. The early ones were about horses, but when she was 9, Octavia Butler stumbled upon something that would change her life.

(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED RECORDING)

BUTLER: I was influenced to write science fiction two years after I began writing other things by a bad movie.

(SOUNDBITE OF FILM, "DEVIL GIRL FROM MARS")

PATRICIA LAFFAN: (As Nyah) You poor lamented humans. Imagine you can destroy me with your old-fashioned toy.

BATES: That really bad 1954 sci-fi movie was "Devil Girl From Mars," she tells a UCLA audience. Here, Devil Girl strides into a pub and tells its armed patrons their puny little guns are no match for her.

(SOUNDBITE OF FILM, "DEVIL GIRL FROM MARS")

LAFFAN: (As Nyah) I can control power beyond your wildest dreams.

(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED RECORDING)

BUTLER: My response to the movie was, geez, I can write a better story than that. Somebody got paid for writing that story.

BATES: By the time she was in high school, Butler became determined that she would be one of those paid somebodies, something that worried her conservative mother. The paying world was not full of science fiction writers, let alone ones that were women or Negro. So through community college and after, Butler held what she called lots of horrible little jobs to pay the bills. But she continued to focus her creative energy on science fiction.

It was a focus that would lead to a pile of novels and short stories, several awards and a coveted MacArthur Fellowship, the so-called genius grant. Visitors can see Butler's career unfolding in the Huntington Library's exhibit, "Octavia E. Butler: Telling My Stories."

NATALIE RUSSELL: So the exhibit is roughly chronological.

BATES: Exhibit curator Natalie Russell walks me into the large high-ceilinged room.

RUSSELL: There's about 100 items in the exhibit selected from the archive, which includes over 8,000 individually catalogued manuscripts, letters and photographs and an additional 80 boxes of ephemera.

BATES: Big glass cases display letters, notes, story outlines and drawings that show how Butler progressed as a writer. The walls are hung with blowups of childhood drawings and her handwritten instructions to herself for scene setting, character development and affirmations. Russell reads one.

RUSSELL: (Reading) I am a best-selling writer. I write best-selling books.

These are some of the kind of motivational notes that she would write to herself. (Reading) Every day in every way, I am researching and writing my award-winning, best-selling books and short stories.

BATES: Butler's high school portrait and a group photo of her at an early science fiction writers' workshop show a young woman who stares purposefully into the camera without a hint of a smile. It's the face of someone who has set herself a task. Natalie Russell says it took a good deal of persistence for Butler to create something for which there was no template.

RUSSELL: Butler said she wanted to be able to see herself in the stories that she loved. And she didn't, so she wrote herself in, and she became that role model that she didn't have.

BATES: Before Octavia Butler, science fiction's main characters tended to be white and male. When she began writing, she was told people would accept alien characters far more quickly than black ones. Her early book covers had white characters on them because publishers were not convinced white readers would buy them otherwise. In a 2000 interview, Butler tells Charlie Rose she was undeterred.

(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED RECORDING)

BUTLER: I don't recall ever having wanted desperately to be a black woman science fiction writer. I wanted to be a writer.

BATES: She wrote her first novels while working. The "Patternmaster" was published in 1976, the first of a series that elaborated on a story she began in childhood, a story of elite beings with telepathic superpowers who ruled a mute subclass. It was a study in power, morality and race. In 1979, she published "Kindred," one of the books that came to be most closely associated with her. Natalie Russell describes it.

RUSSELL: A tale about a contemporary African-American woman who travels back in time to antebellum Maryland to a slave plantation.

BATES: Butler's heroine, Dana, is a writer who has to save her slave-owning ancestor's life so she can exist more than 150 years later. Russell said Butler did a lot of research for this book.

RUSSELL: She needed to go to Maryland, see what the geography was like, find out what a working slave plantation was like. How far away were the towns? If you were trying to run away, where would you go? Was it forest? Was it brush?

BATES: Those details helped make "Kindred" a classic. Its theme of interdependence is taught in high schools and colleges annually and has been part of citywide reading programs. And it was almost named something else. Natalie Russell says Butler's publisher wanted to call the book "Dana." Butler hated that and sent several alternatives.

RUSSELL: And in the carbon copy of the letter she sent here on the case, December 26, 1978, she offers a few more suggestions, including "Birthright" and "Kindred."

BATES: "Kindred" paved the way for a number of books, like the "Parable Of The Sower," that looked at life in the dystopian near future. Octavia Butler may have begun as the only black woman science fiction writer, but she made sure she didn't remain the only one. Steven Barnes is a science fiction writer and was a longtime friend of Butler's. Over Skype, he says this.

STEVEN BARNES: She opened a door and walked all the way through it and created, therefore, a path for others.

BATES: His wife, sci-fi writer Tananarive Due, sees the result.

TANANARIVE DUE: When I met her in 1997 as a new writer, you could fit all of the black science fiction or fantasy writers on a stage. And that's not case anymore. The field has exploded so much.

BATES: Butler enjoyed her role in making that happen. Those sober photos from her earlier years were replaced by smiling, confident ones. In addition to her MacArthur Fellowship, Butler was awarded two of science fiction's highest honors, the Hugo and the Nebula, twice. The tall kid who'd shrunk from speaking now held forth with ease, charming her audiences and interviewers.

And then it all stopped. On February 24, 2006, Octavia Butler fell near her home, hit her head and died. She was 58 years old. Steven Barnes says her 30-year career will have a lasting effect on literature.

BARNES: You take black away from her name, and she is still considered to be one of the major science fiction influences, especially one of the major female influences. So her place is secure.

BATES: "Octavia E. Butler: Telling My Stories" will be at the Huntington Library through August 7. Karen Grigsby Bates, NPR News.

(SOUNDBITE OF RRAREBEAR SONG, "ZEN OUT")

Images:

Butler often posted reminders to herself when she created characters and worlds. It was important to her that the worlds she created be credible to her readers. (c) Estate of Octavia E. Butler/The Huntington Library, Art Collections and Botanical Gardens

A detail from notes Butler made for the Oankali, characters from the Xenogenesis trilogy.(c) Estate of Octavia E. Butler/The Huntington Library, Art Collections and Botanical Gardens

Cover for the first edition of Kindred, published by Doubleday in 1979 Huntington Library, (c) Estate of Octavia E. Butler

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confidenceatitsfinest · 8 years

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What would you have put Jungkookie in for the houses? Actually, what would you have sorted BTS in? :3 Personally I think of Jungkook as Slytherin, but I definitely see where Ravenclaw comes in. His thirst for knowledge is incredible! He wants to learn languages and bowling and such, I see how Rapmon would think he's in Ravenclaw ^w^ But he's also cunning haha and ambitious in that sense, so Sytherin? And if you have headcanons that'd be great too!~

It’s funny because I can see every member as potentially belonging to every house. Okay, I’ll go off on a tangent about each member so get comfortable haha. I could talk about this forever.

Jungkook: I actually see him as a mix between of them. He’s brave like Gryffindor (that kid has no fear when it comes to rollercoasters, ghosts, and things like that), quick to learn like a Ravenclaw, ambitious and determined like a Slytherin, and sweet like a Hufflepuff. BUT, I’ve always, always, always wanted to see Hufflepuff!Jungkook. I know this is a very rare opinion, but I think he actually fits quite well in that house. We’ve seen multiple times just how sweet and caring he can be, he just shows it more through actions and not words and that’s fine! He always helps out (like at ISAC as well as with his hyungs), he can never purposefully hurt someone even if he seems bratty at times (he immediately dropped the hidden camera act when he saw how upset Jimin was in Bon Voyage, told Taehyung to be confident in his voice, etc.), he’s sooooooo incredibly loyal (Bangtan is his everything and he won’t ever let go), he’s dedicated to what he does, and more. I believe he can be a very good hufflepuff and I just really want to see more of that head canon!!!! SOMEONE PLEASE WRITE IT AND TAG ME.

Taehyung: I actually see him in either Gryffindor or Hufflepuff, more Gryffindor though. He’s a force of nature and you can’t stop him from trying out new things even if it means potentially injuring himself. He dares to try and be different. One of the house traits is chivalry and Taetae is very courteous, he treats sunbaes with respect and he can be the perfect gentleman, when he wants to that is. As a hufflepuff, Taehyung is patient. Hell, he could deal with Jungkookie’s teen angst and pull him out of his shell and that takes a lot of patience and gentle coaxing. When he plays with the other members, he never really gets too rough.

Jimin: BRO SYLTHERIN JIMIN I never really thought of it until Namjoon said something but I SEE IT SO MUCH. Like Kook, he’s ambitious. He will practice until his feet bleed just to achieve his goal. That fiery ambition to succeed is undeniable and dear lord, does he have a temper. Have you seen him blowup? Even the members say he’s the scariest when angry. I also see him in Gryffindor. He’s selfless in the way he protects others. Like in AHL, we see him stop Kook from crossing the street because there were cars, tucked him in during Bon Voyage, and Jimin sure as hell isn’t afraid to speak up. He’s sociable sure, but what I mean is that he won’t just sit quietly if someone is a potential threat or is just downright rude. In AHL again, Jimin was going to smack that kid for being disrespectful. You could actually see him hide his anger by laughing. I guess I can see a bit of Slytherin in that too. They’re not gonna take things sitting quietly. And let’s be honest, he’s pretty brave to tempt danger by messing with the hyungs and Kookie so much.

Hoseok: For me, he’s associated with hufflepuff but there’s also a tiny bit of ravenclaw (I’ll elaborate on that later). Jung Hoseok is literal sunshine, fight me on this. He’s always there to lift somebody’s spirits and though he has his own down time, it doesn’t keep him on his knees for long. He brings out everybody’s excitement and he’s so endearingly caring and loving of his members. We can see him very openly affectionate with maknae line, but also with hyung line. One thing I remember is how he was the one Jungkook always went to for comfort, even now, he does to Hobi’s bed at night. Hoseok just has this vibe of comfort and security and it’s precious. Okay so now his ravenclaw aspects, I see this in his knowledge of dancing. He’s Bangtan’s dance leader and he takes his role seriously. He tirelessly practices, a thirst to be better and better, and then he helps the other members with dance. He learns and then imparts that knowledge.

Namjoon: As you said anon, I see him as Ravenclaw or Slytherin, but he has his hufflepuff side as well (hear me out on this). As we all know, Namjoon reads for fun, he reads to gain knowledge. Hell, the Bangtan comebacks recently have been loosely based on books Joonie has read. He knows so many languages and he’s always learning more and more while keeping his existing knowledge in mind. It’s incredible how much goes on in his mind. As for Slytherin, it takes some serious determination and guts to abandon a potentially stable job with his intelligence and to pursue his dream, never giving up and then leading Bangtan to where they are today. He put his fate in the hands of Bangtan. Now for Hufflepuff, he’s so endearingly soft. Even if he is a bit clumsy (okay that’s an understatement but whatever), he’s always there to listen. He’s a great leader because of it, he listens and accommodates the best he can. He’s always thinking of the team and others before himself. The way he gets shy when he gets complimented. He can very well be a hufflepuff in my eyes.

Yoongi: I can see why people put him in Slytherin but I also see a bit of Gryffindor. We all know how incredibly ambitious Yoongi is. He literally starved for his dream, he clung onto that last thread of hope and climbed his way up to the reputation he has know, not only as an idol but as a recognized rapper. You can tell all the hardships he’s went through, the sheer intense emotion from his lyrics. He’s so mentally strong and don’t let his affection for his bed mislead you (I mean, who doesn’t like sleeping though?) because he has that aura of strength and willpower. He’s scary in the sense that he speaks up with calmness, like the eye of the storm I guess. When he spoke against BFree, you can tell he was angry but he still kept that firm, rationality. In AHL, when he was angry with that one rude dude, he kept his cool but wasn’t going to just take it (he was going to give the guy a piece of his mind until Jin stopped him). He protects his members (he’s incredibly perceptive like the time he noticed Kook was a little sad about the maknae on top thing). In that way, I see a very nice blend of Slytherin and Gryffindor.

Jin: Hufflepuff is an obvious one but also Gryffindor aspects too. He takes such good care of Bangtan that I really do think he is the linking chain, the glue factor. He’s the peacemaker, the one that cares for the members when they’re sick and makes seaweed soup for their birthday and drives Jungkook to school. He sacrifices so much for Bangtan and we need to recognize that. He gives and gives and gives that sometimes he forgets about himself. He does not abuse his status as the eldest, in fact he nurtures that role and wow, I’m getting emotional writing this because Jin is precious. I love him so much for everything he’s done. He does his best in dance and singing, and he’s hilarious. He kept up with his studies while being an international idol. He’s strong in his own ways, different from Yoongi or Namjoon, but just as strong. Even when haters criticized him, he is still able to have that self-confidence. Say it until you believe it right? To be able to persevere, that’s admirable.

#bangtan #jungkook #taehyung #jimin #hoseok #yoongi #namjoon #jin #jhope #hobi #suga #rap monster #seokjin #bts #hp au

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sarahburness · 7 years

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How to Ask for What You Want and Need (No, It’s Not Selfish)

“It’s not selfish to put yourself first—it’s self-full.” ~Iyanla Vanzant

I’ve always thought of myself as individualistic. When I was a teenager, I often felt the desire to go against the grain, dressing alternatively and shunning bands my peers liked because I felt they were too popular. So it came as a huge surprise to me when my therapist called me a people pleaser the other day.

I recently started cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia, and during the first session my therapist identified that I put other people’s needs and wants ahead of my own.

He’d asked me to give an example of a situation that is currently making me anxious (since anxiety is both a cause and symptom of insomnia), and I told him a landscaper made a mistake in my yard and I was feeling bad asking him to fix it.

I’d hired the landscaper to build a fence and incorporate a parking pad into my backyard space. While the fence turned out awesome, the landscaper brought too much loam and turned the parking pad area into a hill that sloped down from the fence to the garage. When I asked him to level it, he got angry and said he had already spent man-hours on the project and would be losing money.

I started to feel bad. Was his business doing okay? Did he have kids?

“The job you agreed upon was for him to level it,” my therapist said. “It has to be level.”

“But what if he is losing money?”

“That’s none of your business. You wanted it level. It has to be level.”

It took him repeating that sentence to me a few more times before the concept clicked, and I knew he was right. I was putting someone else’s wants and needs above my own. I do it all the time.

“Why don’t I put myself first?” I asked him. “It’s like I think I don’t deserve to be treated as well as other people.”

I expected my therapist to say I have low self-esteem and needed to work on that, but instead he said, “Because you’re framing it wrong.”

Then he asked, “What’s your favorite ice cream?”

Thrown off by the change in topic, I stammered something about Maple Walnut.

“And is there an ice cream flavor you dislike?”

“Tiger.”

“So when you go to an ice cream store, do you ask yourself whether you deserve Maple Walnut or if you should just accept Tiger?”

“Of course not.”

“There you go. It isn’t about whether you deserve to have something, it’s that you want it. Plain and simple.”

It was simple. Suddenly I felt like I’d been let in on the secret all the confident, take-no-crap, boundary-setting people in my life have known forever. If they want something, they go for it. They don’t stand around questioning whether or not they deserve to have it.

In my case, I wanted the parking pad incorporated into my yard so that I could enjoy the added space. Therefore, the backyard has to be level.

“Now that you know your position, the next step is to communicate it correctly,” my therapist continued. “Do not ask, ‘Can you please make this level?’ Simply say, ‘We agreed it would be level, so it has to be level.’”

We ran through hypothetical life situations where I could apply this technique, and each time I made the mistake of asking the other person to “please” grant my wishes instead of communicating my wants and needs. Every time I smiled sheepishly at the mistake, it hammered home how I unconsciously present myself to other people.

While trying to be polite and accommodate everyone else, I might actually be telling people I’m a doormat. Of course people are going to walk all over me because I haven’t given them guidance on where they can and cannot step!

At the end of the appointment, I resolved to start setting boundaries and ask for what I want in life, and I saw results immediately. When I told the landscaper the yard had to be level, he fixed it. By no longer questioning whether or not I “deserved” the same treatment as everyone else and simply asking for it, I gained self-confidence.

Granted, not all situations in life are as clear-cut as standing up for yourself with a landscaper. There are times to stand your ground and times to compromise, and the trick is to learn to tell the difference.

Sometimes our wants and needs can directly affect other people, or their wants and needs can be in conflict with our own. In this case, it’s important to remember to balance healthy self-assertihttps://tinybuddha.com/blog/5-myths-setting-boundaries-steal-joy-lead-resentment/on with consideration and respect for others.

For someone who habitually puts other people’s wants and needs ahead of her own, putting myself first simply means treating myself the same way I treat them—not trampling on everyone else!

The ice cream story has changed my perception on putting myself first. It’s not selfish—it’s self-full. Sometimes I slip back into old habits and wonder if I deserve something, but then I remind myself I wouldn’t accept Tiger when I want Maple Walnut.

Here are a few simple steps to setting boundaries and asking for what you want and need in life:

1. Know your position.

The most important step in setting boundaries is to know your position—what you want—and to stick with it. That way when someone comes back at you trying to change your mind, you can simply go back to your position.

Imagine you’re at a dealership and you tell the salespeople that your budget is 10K. If they respond, “We have a newer model with leather seats and a sunroof for 13K,” your response should be, “My budget is 10K.” If they tell you only rust buckets go for 10K, tell them your budget is 10K and then walk away.

Don’t forget what you want or need. It’s easier not to be bullied or walked on when you are confident in your position.

2. Communicate your position.

Communicate your position properly is just as important. When you ask someone to honor your wishes or approve of your position, you’re asking them to make you happy. But when you tell them what you want or need, you’re making yourself happy.

If a friend asks you to go to a party with them but you don’t want a late night, you can choose to say no or agree to go on your own terms. Rather than asking if it’s okay if you leave early, tell them that you will go with them for a bit but you want to get a good sleep.

If a friend is having an elaborate and expensive birthday and you can’t afford to attend multiple events, tell them. You do not have to apologize. Simply communicate what you can and cannot do.

People don’t necessarily aim to walk on you, but if you don’t communicate what you want and expect, there is a better chance it will happen. Have you ever felt taken advantage of but didn’t communicate your feelings, and the frustration built up inside of you until you finally snapped? Or worse: snapped at the wrong person? I’ve definitely been guilty of that.

By setting boundaries and communicating them, everyone knows where they stand and it will prevent future blowups.

3. Stop asking if you “deserve” what you want.

In my opinion, this is the most important principle. Do not question whether or not you deserve things in life. Simply know what you want and go for it.

People who don’t set boundaries often don’t feel they “deserve” to set boundaries, and they feel that way because they’re used to always putting other people first. Their low self-esteem has been reinforced by their own inability to state what they want. It’s a vicious cycle.

We can’t always get what we want in life, but we definitely won’t get it if we don’t ask. By focusing on what you want or need in life, rather than questioning whether you’re worthy to receive, you will help guide your own success and self-confidence will follow!

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About Alexandra Baker

Alexandra (Lex) Baker is a freelance writer and author of both young adult and adult fiction. As a sensitive person with a genuine interest in people, her novels tend to be character-driven, focusing on coming of age and growth. Her debut young adult novel Instalove was published by Bloomsbury. Learn more about her at lexbaker.com or @lexbakerwrites.

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