#I’m truly my own best friend. all I do to pass the time during my 8-5 is talk to myself in my head. this is the same thing

[nostarfights]

Chapter One of Made Your Mark

Pairing: sugardaddy!rockstar!Eddie Munson X fem!reader

Summary: You and Eddie meet on the sugar daddy site recommended to you by Steve.

Word Count: 2.3K

Fic Masterlist

As of today, it had been six months since you graduated from your university. Six months since your graduation where you were spoken to about new opportunities and where life can take you. Six months of companies not moving forward with you for the job you applied for, for the job you spent four years of your life getting your degree for. You’d spent four years trying to become an author and still no one wanted to hire you. Six months of working at some fancy restaurant near your apartment that barely paid you enough to get by in life.

To say you were frustrated and wanting to give up was an understatement, you were furious. But you promised yourself that you would keep trying and trying until you got the job you worked so hard for. Which you hoped would happen soon seeing as you were getting pretty tired of the rich people who talked down to you at the restaurant where you worked as a waitress. 

You were underpaid and just tired of it all, working there and trying to get the job you wanted was more exhausting than the four years of work you put in to actually get your degree. But you were still determined nevertheless.

You’d expected a restaurant like this in such a busy area of your city to be well paying, but it turns out a little above minimum wage and very small tips is what you get working there. So, on the side you wrote articles for small magazines during your free time, which turned out to be somewhat successful. But the most you’d ever earned on one of your articles was $400, which would have to do for now until you got the job you actually wanted, not needed. 

At the current moment, the time was 10:30pm on a Saturday and you had gotten home not long ago from another busy shift at the restaurant. You were tired and your body was sore, as if you had just gone on a four hour long hike. Your hair becoming a little messy as you got settled on your couch, the belt that was once in the loops on your black dress pants now resting on the floor next to your coffee table and the first few buttons of your shirt undone. You were just about to fall asleep here, your eyelids growing more and more heavy with each passing moment, when someone knocked on your door, causing you to perk up right away. 

Not feeling the need to ask who it was on your doorstep at this hour, you simply got up then unlocked and opened the front door to your apartment. Revealing your best friend, Steve to be standing there on the other side of the door.

He softly greeted you with a hug, making you smile into his chest. “Hey, how’ve you been?” he gently asked as he rubbed your back. “Hi, Stevie.” you quietly said while you hugged him back, making a smile of his own appear on his face. “I’ve been alright, just tired and frustrated. The usual.” you answer with a shrug, quickly closing the door behind him after you leave his arms. Your answer made him frown as the two of you walked over to your couch.

You and Steve had known each other since middle school and had been very close since then. You had truly been through it all together. He hated to see that his best friend was struggling even after all you had done to get what you wanted. 

That frown is still on Steve’s face as he started to speak again, “I understand. But I have to admit, I’m tired of seeing you like this, y’know, struggling. You don’t deserve to.” he said from his spot next to you on your couch. You let a sigh escape your lips, your shoulders dropping into a more relaxed position, “I know,” you said, pausing to take a deep breath, “but there’s not much I can do except keep sending out my manuscript to more publishers. Although I will admit I don’t have much hope, it’s just been six months of rejections from every publisher I’ve send it to. I hate that it’s this hard to be successful at the job I literally got my degree for but I guess all I can do is keep trying and working.” you told him, fully conveying your frustration and exhaustion to Steve again.

He nodded in response and gently placed his hand over yours, “I get it and I agree, you should keep trying. But until you do get an acceptance from a publisher, I do have a suggestion that could get you out of working that tiring waitress gig I know you hate.” he replied, making you chuckle a little while a smirk appeared on his lips. 

You jokingly rolled your eyes at him and began to rest your head on the couch, “Oh no, what is it this time?” you jokingly said, waiting to hear what Steve had to say, no longer surprised by his antics. He nodded in response then spoke once more, “Now this is just a suggestion, so just hear me out okay?” he said, earning a nod from you in response before he speaks again, “I think that you should check out this sugar daddy site I’ve used a few times called Classy. There’s a lot of rich lonely guys on there who will literally pay you just to hang out with them. It’s not as bad as you’d think it would be.” he explained, moving his hands around while he talked.

You had to admit, it’s a decent and possible solution to your problem. But you still felt a bit suspicious about it anyway. 

You opened your mouth to speak but Steve quickly interrupted before you could even get a word out, “I know what you’re going to say but, please, just think about it.” he said, making you roll your eyes again. “Steve, I appreciate the advice I do. But you know I want to be independent, I don’t know how to feel about the idea of relying on someone else for money. But I promise to think about it and that’s all you’re getting out of me, Stevie.” you replied, ending your statement with a laugh while you point at Steve. He laughs with you, “Fine, but I still think you should do it.” he said, his hands up in the air in surrender, causing the two of you to laugh a little.

As for the rest of the night, you and Steve sat on your couch and talked a bit more about all of the things that have been going on in your lives since you last spoke to each other.

You told him about how stressful work has been and the recent articles you’ve written. How your dating life has been non-existent with how busy you’ve been. Steve told you about how stressful his own job has been. As well as how nicely past arrangements with sugar daddies have gone for him and to be picky when picking one. 

A few hours later at about 2am, after talking for a while you and Steve said your goodbyes and he headed home, promising to tell you that he made it home safe when he got there. 

Once he had left, you began to get ready for bed while you thought about Steve’s suggestion. If you’re being honest with yourself, this whole sugar daddy thing did sound a bit appealing.

But it is something you wanted to think about and talk to Steve about more before you made a decision. You just wanted to make sure that the site is safe and that you wouldn’t be putting yourself into a dangerous situation. You also wanted to really think about whether or not you are really okay with having someone, a rich man specifically, help you out financially. You almost fell asleep that night thinking about it too, but you decided to let your mind rest for now. You’d call Steve in the morning–the beginning of your day off– and talk about it more then. 

—Time Skip: Two Days Later—

Two days have passed now since Steve had brought up the idea of getting a sugar daddy to you and after a lot of talking and thinking about it, you decided to give the site a chance. But if it ended up going badly for you, you’d never use it again. And as a safety precaution, you promised to send Steve the name, phone number and photo of the guy you end up deciding to meet up with.

Your profile on the site consisted of the basic things about you one might want to know, a few of your interests and a few photos of you to go along with it. Afterward, you began to scroll through the site and the profiles of the sugar daddies on there.

Meanwhile, as you were deciding whether to go through with signing up for this site or not, Eddie was sitting on his own couch in his own home. 

At this point in his life, Eddie was one month into his band, Corroded Coffin’s one year long break from making music and touring. When the band was active, he had been completely fine with living alone, he was too busy to even have the chance to feel lonely. But now that he had absolutely nothing to do but work on his solo music, that lonely feeling had easily creeped into his life. Now his home felt empty and cold instead of comforting and warm like it usually did when he was busy. Because of touring and making music, he used to rarely be here and now he’s here all the time.

He wanted someone to spend his newfound free time with, he wanted companionship. But it’s a bit difficult for him to find love on dating apps, all of his accounts end up getting taken down not long after he makes them because people think they’re someone pretending to be him. He can’t meet anyone by just going out anymore without getting swarmed by paparazzi and fans because of his fame. So, he decided to check out a sugar daddy site called ‘Classy’ that he’s seen ads for a few times. “Maybe it could be promising?" he thought.

Nevertheless, he decided to give it a shot and created an account on the site. Like you, on his profile he included some basic information about himself, some of his interests and a few photos of himself. His bio, which he quickly typed out without really thinking about it, simply said, “37, Just looking for someone to spend time with.” Then like you he began to scroll through the site and the profiles of the sugar babies on there. 

Ten minutes into your own scrolling, you stopped on Eddie’s profile–his beauty having caught your eye–and you clicked on it right away. After looking through his profile a bit, it seems like he would be a good match for you. He’s definitely not as demanding as the other men on there. So you messaged him. You knew who he was of course and while you are shocked to see him on the site, you didn't bring either of those things up in your message, assuming that he probably just wants to be treated like any other person.

The message you ended up sending to him after deleting and retyping it a few times said, “Hey, if you’re up for it, I’d be open to discussing an arrangement that would work best for us. :)” You then, with your heart still beating a little fast, hit send and closed the website on your phone for now. 

—————————

After a bit of scrolling, Eddie really hadn’t found anyone who matched what he was looking for. But he didn’t want to give up on this yet, so he headed over to the inbox part of the site and saw that nearly a hundred messages had already appeared even though his account had only existed for less than an hour. Most of these people didn’t really interest him, mostly because they seemed to only be interested in him because of his fame, not because they want the same thing as him.

Seeing this made him want to give up for now and he’s about to close the site, mentally planning on looking at it again later when he sees your name in his inbox and the preview of what you had sent to him. But before he had properly looked at the message you sent, he was immediately drawn to look at your profile first. Your profile picture alone had him entranced, you were just so beautiful and the bits of your personality that you included on your profile only made him more entranced with you. If that was even possible. 

He then read your message, the message making him smile to know that this woman he was so drawn to was interested in the same sort of arrangement as him. He messaged you back as soon as he finished reading your message, his fingers gliding across the keyboard on his phone, “Hi. Sounds like a plan! Meet me at The Rouge for dinner on Friday at 6pm so we can properly talk about how we both want this to work. See you then. ;)” Not long after he had sent this, you checked the site and saw this message waiting for you in your inbox, your cheeks blushing at the thought of a man as handsome as him being interested in you. 

You agreed to meeting up with him for dinner right away and he responded again quite quickly like you had, this time with his number so that the two of you wouldn’t have to keep in touch through the site. You then sent him a quick message saying hi and letting him know that it was you texting him, getting a response from him moments later that simply said, “Hi :)” back, causing you to smile softly to yourself.

[starflared-arrow]

.

[andreafmn]

Kinktober ⛓️ Day 3

Word Count: 2.5K Paring:  Lip Gallagher x Fem!Reader Prompt @kinktober2023: Hate Sex WARNINGS: SMUT 18+ (minors DNI),  p-in-v sex, foul language, reader is technically underage

Summary: There is no one that (Y/N) despises more than Philip Gallagher, but having his brother as her best friend forces them in close proximity more than they would like. Or maybe they do?

A/N: This is set some time during season 3 so Lip is around 18 and reader would be 17 since she's contemporary with Ian's age, so do with that what you will.

<- Previous

“Yo, Ian,” Lip’s voice rang through the house. “You’re girlfriend’s here!”

“Oh, fuck off, Lip,” (Y/N) said as she bumped past him into the Gallagher home. “I know you wish I was here to see you, but I don’t do charity work on Tuesdays.” 

“Fuck you, (Y/L/N). You’d be lucky if I was the one you were studying with.” 

“Of course, the genius Philip Gallagher that doesn’t even want to go to college,” she snickered, stopping at the rest on the stairs. “I’ll take my chances with my own brain. Thanks.”  

“You’ll regret helping Ian with math,” he called as he walked to the front door. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” 

With an exasperated scoff, (Y/N) walked up the rest of the stairs, clutching her backpack tighter than she should have. She didn’t understand why she and the older Gallagher son didn’t get along. She had a wonderful relationship with everyone else in the family –even Frank was courteous enough with her– but something never clicked with Lip. Every time they were in close proximity, they would bicker and fight until someone else got in the way. It made it especially difficult when (Y/N) came over to spend time with Ian. 

She would never say she hated Lip. But the sentiment was close enough that others would notice. Between the terrible side-eyes and the snide comments, being around the two could easily become suffocating. Granted, everyone but them knew what was truly happening. They had met their match in each other but were too stubborn to admit it. 

“You ran into Lip, didn’t you?” Ian chuckled as his friend walked into his room. “It’s all over your face.” 

“Unfortunately, I did,” she sighed, plopping down next to him on the floor. “But he seemed to be going somewhere, so I didn’t have to talk to him for much.” 

“Just long enough to make sure you got annoyed. Perfect mood to study Geometry with you.” 

“Fuck you, I’m always a delight.” 

“Sure. Until you spend a second with Lip, and then everything goes to shit.” 

“Shut up, Ian,” she said, rolling her eyes. “If you want me to help you study, you’ll stop talking about your despicable brother, Phillip.” 

Hours passed between textbooks and worksheets, notebooks and loose papers, and somehow the bright afternoon sun had shifted into night. Ian had already gone to bed, tired from a long day of shapes and mathematical equations. Almost everyone in the house had done the same, tucked into bed early, which was a luxury for anyone on the South Side. 

Meanwhile, (Y/N) was still wide awake, taking advantage of the tiredness of the family to use up what was left of the hot water. She could have gone home, to her packed house and probably cold water, but she found comfort staying with the Gallaghers. The family was a melting pot of chaos, there were more fights than a WWE ring, and every single day brought a different kind of adventure. Her house had all of that, except the real warmth of a family. And being there made her feel like she was a part of something. 

The water ran across her skin, soothing the tight muscles that stiffened her body. The smell of soap filled her nose as she lathered herself, and she was glad that the bar seemed new still. They were small luxuries that she was grateful she could partake in every once in a while. And in the quiet of the night, it was almost peaceful.

Until a sound that did not fit into her spa-like scenario filled the air. From behind the curtain, she could hear a strong stream of liquid falling into the toilet. But she knew she had locked the door —not that it would have worked in that house anyway. 

She moved the curtain slightly to reveal Lip standing in front of the toilet. “What the fuck are you doing?” (Y/N) exclaimed, making sure her body was covered. “Can’t you see I’m using the bathroom?” 

“You’re in the shower. Toilet was up for grabs.” 

“Why couldn’t you have gone downstairs?” 

“Because I was already upstairs,” he shrugged, shaking his cock above the toilet as he finished. “Stop gawking, (Y/N). I know it’s impressive, but staring is kind of rude.” 

“Fuck you, Lip. I’ve seen better,” she said, closing the curtain to conceal the way her skin was flushing. “I’ve definitely been with better.” 

“Keep telling yourself that,” he snickered, turning on the sink. “But we both know the guys you’ve fucked are not exactly Adonises.”

“You’re such an asshole, Lip,” she scoffed. “If you’re gonna be here, at least pass me my towel.”

“Why should I? You can just step out.” 

“You’re not seeing me naked, Lip.” 

“It’s only fair,” he chuckled. “You saw mine, I get to see yours.” 

“Stop being a perv, Lip. I’m not one of those chicks you fuck for fun. I actually have standards.” 

“Right, and they’re so high, right?”

“They are.” 

“Is that why you fucked Billy Spencer two months ago or lost your v-card with Jesse Suarez in his car? Yeah, those standards are skyscraping high.” 

In a fit of rage, (Y/N) ripped the curtain open and sauntered out of the tub, getting as close to Lip as possible. “You don’t get to fucking judge my decisions, Philip,” she spat, jabbing her index finger against his chest. “Who I sleep with or don’t sleep with is none of your business. And you sure as hell are one to talk. Your list is not the most pristine, either. Starting with Karen, for example.”

“Don’t you fucking talk about her,” he said through gritted teeth, pushing back on her as she had. “You don’t talk about her.” 

“What? You can dish it out but can’t fucking take it, huh?”

“I can take whatever you fucking throw at me, (Y/N). I ain’t scared of you.” 

“Maybe you should be,” she continued. There was almost no space between them. She had him pressed against the wall, their noses almost touching as they heaved in anger. “There is no one else that can put you in your place like I can, and you know it.” 

“I don’t need you to put me in my place.”

“Are you sure?”

“You’re so fucking infuriating!” 

“Yeah? And what are you gonna do about it?” 

Lip’s next move was a surprise to her. She was expecting him to keep yelling or stomp out of the bathroom. Instead, he placed a hand on either side of her face and crashed his lips onto hers. He was all kinds of rough and forceful, clashing teeth and lips together without any care. But somehow, (Y/N) found herself kissing back just as roughly, grabbing onto the lapel of his jacket. 

But it wasn’t until she felt the roughness of his hands on the skin of her back that she realized she had jumped out of the shower, naked and still dripping with water. She jumped away from Lip as though his touch was fire and scrambled for her towel, trying her best to cover her body from him.

“Why are you covering yourself now?” he laughed. “I already saw everything, (Y/N).”

“Fuck you, Philip.”

“I was gonna let you,” he grinned. “But it looks like you got performance anxiety. Maybe you’re not as good as guys say.” 

“Not that it’s any of your concern, but I’m great in bed,” she argued. “But I would rather do it with someone I actually like.”

“It’s just sex, (Y/N),” he countered. “This is not to fall in love.” 

(Y/N) kept quiet for a beat, thinking over the boy’s request. His reputation for being a good lay preceded him, and she would have been lying if she said she had never thought about it. But the fact that his personality was almost revolting made her wonder if it was worth it. 

“God, you’re so fucking infuriating,” she said before doing the same thing he had done. “This means nothing. You’re just convenient.”

“Right,” he chuckled against her mouth. “Keep telling yourself that.”

“Oh, shut up already.” 

“Make me.” 

Her lips did all the answering, molding to his mouth perfectly, their tongues dancing together in perfect symphony. If she had believed in fate and the alignment of the universe, she would have deluded herself into thinking that they were meant to be. 

Lip’s clothes were rough against her unclothed skin, the zippers and the fabrics scratching at her body and rubbing the most sensitive parts of her body that were exposed. Warmth pooled between her legs with the kiss alone, and her body’s reaction scared her. It was almost instantaneous, and it had been the first time it had happened. 

“It’s not fair that I’m the only one that’s naked,” she said breathlessly.

“Do you ever stop fucking talking?” 

“Not when my mouth’s unoccupied,” she snickered. “And I have a lot to say.”  

“You’re too fucking much,” he grumbled as he took off layer after layer of clothing, letting them fall to the floor. “Now come here.”

He kissed her roughly again, pressing his chest as close to her body as he could, his hands snaking to the small of her back. As their mouth moved in synch, they walked backward until her back was pressed against the wall, the coldness making her skin erupt in goosebumps. But his hands were enough to build a fire inside her. The way they mapped every inch of her body and worked in tandem with his mouth to find her most sensitive spots. 

Lip nipped at her jaw and her neck, traveling down to her collarbone as his hands tweaked the hardened peaks of her breasts. Somehow, he was able to annoy her within an inch of raging ire and could bring her to the brink of orgasm with just his mouth and hands. 

In a swift move, Lip turned (Y/N), bending her against the wall as he pulled the zipper of his pants down. The clothes pooled at his ankles as he held his cock and lined himself up with her wetness, running the head across her fold and teasing her clit. 

“For someone that is just doing this out of convenience, you’re really wet,” he chuckled darkly. “Have you been dreaming about this?” 

“I could ask the same of you, Philip,” she retorted. “Because for someone that doesn’t really care, you’re really fucking hard.” 

“I’m only just a man, (Y/N).” 

“How about you shut up and prove it already, then? Maybe…” 

(Y/N)’s words died in her throat as she felt him sink into her completely, stretching her walls like no one had done before. He took the air out of her lungs, a moan getting strangled in her throat at the suddenness. 

Lip didn’t move instantly, allowing her body to get used to the size. At least, that was what he would have said if she had asked. Truthfully, being inside her was the most overwhelming experience he had ever had. He needed a moment to compose himself before he busted too early. The last thing he needed was for (Y/N) to have more ammo against him. He enjoyed their bickering reparté, but he had quite the reputation when it came to sex, and he wouldn’t let her ruin it. Even if his body was trying to betray him. 

Once he felt he could control himself, he started moving hips, quickly setting a pace that had (Y/N) letting out a string of moans that he wanted to listen to for the rest of his life. Her hands gripped the towel bar before her, her knuckles turning white from the tightness. She met his every move, pushing against him as he pummeled into her. 

“Harder,” she meweled. “Fuck me harder, Philip.” 

Lip did exactly as told. Skin met skin at a rapid pace, filling the otherwise quiet room with pants, moans, and slaps. Even her using his full name did not put a damper on his mood, rather loved the way it sounded in her mouth. And for the first time, it didn’t sound like she was saying it with  hate. At least, not completely. 

He snaked his hand around her body, his hand finding the mound of her clit and pressing two fingers on it. They circled and rolled the bud, making her walls clench around him as he pistoned into her. He knew both of them were reaching their end. The tightening of her cunt and the tightening of his balls told him enough.

“Fuck, don’t stop, Lip. Don’t you dare fucking stop.” 

“I wasn’t planning to.” 

And he didn’t. He kept thrusting until (Y/N) let out a pleasurable yell that had him covering her mouth. As he did, she bit down on his skin unconsciously, making him moan and awakening something in him he didn’t know was dormant. It brought him right to the brink of his end, and it took everything in him to leave her warmth and explode all over her ass. 

His body slumped over hers, absentmindedly kissing the skin of her shoulder as they both came down from their orgasm. They felt comfortable in their silence, their pants synching and their bodies melting against each other. If they could have, they would have fallen asleep in that very position. 

But a knock on the door startled them apart.

“Yo, I need the bathroom,” Carl called from the other side of the door. “I’ve gotta piss real bad.” 

“Can you go downstairs, Carl?” (Y/N) asked. “I’m just finishing up in the shower.” 

“Ugh, fine! Just hurry up. There’s more people in this house, you know?” 

“Yeah, sorry!” 

After wiping themselves down, Lip and (Y/N) started getting dressed, neither meeting each other’s gaze. “We don’t speak about this to anyone,” she finally said. “Especially not Ian. And this can’t happen ever again.” 

“Sure,” he mumbled. “Whatever you say.” 

“I’m serious, Philip,” she pleaded, placing a hand on his chest to get his attention. “If Ian finds out, I’ll never hear the end of it.” 

“I won’t say anything,” he laughed, looking at her in a way he never had before. “But I wouldn’t mind if this happened again.” 

“Are you serious?” 

“What? The rumors are true. You are a good lay.” 

“You’re not too bad yourself, Mr. Gallagher,” she grinned before stopping at the door to exit first. “But I don’t think this will happen again.” 

“Keep telling yourself that, (Y/N).” 

“Fuck off, Philip,” she whispered from the end of the hall before disappearing into the boys’ bedroom, leaving Lip to think of just how he could make this a repeat situation.

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[glutengoblin]

Please Please Please (Sebastian Sallow X Reader)

A/N: This took me embarrassingly long to publish, especially given the fact I finished writing it over a week ago. Unfortunately, my health got in the way. So again, please forgive me for being so inconsistent with my writing.

Anyway, here is my small, fluff fic inspired by "Please Please Please" by Sabrina Carpenter. Consider this your sweet treat before I get back to my beloved depressing themes!

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: None

Disclaimer: All characters are aged up to 18. Also, I am not Sabrina Carpenter and therefore do not own the rights to "Please Please Please"

“SEBASTIAN SALLOW. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT.”

Y/n held him by the collar, glaring daggers sharp enough that it felt like her gaze was burying under his skin. The cold of the undercroft in which they were currently standing couldn’t compete with her icy glare.

“Y/n I swear its all a misunderstanding… I just wanted to collect some more lacewing flies-”

“I don't care if what you were doing was innocent enough Sebastian. But, another detention, for being caught off school grounds during curfew hours again. Are you trying to create a reputation for yourself at this school?” She released his collar, letting out a frustrated huff as she took a step back, reevaluating the man in front of her. She loved him, she truly did, but some times he just seemed to want to get on her nerves.

Y/N always knew (or at least, wanted to believe) that under his seemingly rough exterior, Sebastian had a heart of gold. He would do anything for his friends and family to try and keep them physically safe. However, what seemed to be increasingly the case is the fact that he never tried to keep her emotions safe. She was constantly filled with worry that one of his escapades would land him in serious trouble. Sure, she too did her fair share of parading around campus when not allowed. However, that was different, given 1. she never did anything too dangerous, and 2. she was never stupid enough to get caught.

Sebastian was another case entirely though- she didn’t know if was ego or testosterone that seemed to get the better of him, but these infractions were becoming increasingly common.

Sebastian flashed a sheepish smile, taking a step towards her to close the gap and take her hand.

“Please, Y/N. I swear I won’t do it again. I’m sorry for making you worry,” he promised, bringing his thumb up to pass it over her cheek. “I love you, you know that right?”

Y/N sighed, some of the tension leaving her features as she studied his face, choosing to believe him yet again. “I- Fine Sebastian. I forgive you. And I love you too.”

🎀

Sebastian seemed to keep to his promise to keep out of trouble… Until 10 am the next morning.

Y/N and Natty were making their way towards the great hall, chatting about their shared potions class for today, when they witnessed a certain brown-eyed Slytherin being dragged towards Headmistress Weasley’s office. Though Sebastian was trying to put on a show of being remorseful, the Headmistress was clearly having none of it, raising her voice uncharacteristically loud for matters that involved a student.

“What on Earth has he done now…” Y/N muttered as she continued to walk, not caring to stay in the court yard any longer to watch that scene unfold. Truly, she just wanted a break from his antics for one day, but even that seemed unattainable at this point.

Natty picked up her pace to find herself in step with Y/N again, before declaring, “You know, Y/N, he certainly has gotten himself into a lot of trouble recently.”

Y/N muttered something to herself under her breath, trying to pick the best way to respond.

“I know, Natty. But you know, its just… Slytherins. Those Slytherins, always getting in trouble. Sebastian just seems to get caught up in the culture of his house a bit, you know? I’m sure he’ll grow out of it once we leave Hogwarts.” Natty raised an eyebrow at that, clearly unsure if she agreed with that statement. However, she failed to state that out loud, just opting to follow Y/N in the Great Hall and into a hopefully peaceful breakfast.

The pair decided to join Poppy at the Hufflepuff table, who was currently whispering to Adelaide Oaks about some peace of drama that seemed to be swirling today. Y/N tried her best to hope that it wasn’t about her and Sebastian, but the eyes on her as she made her way over to the table said otherwise.

She was used to being stared at. After all, when she was proclaimed the “Hero of Hogwarts” after the events of her fifth year, she had had all eyes on her. Thankfully, the attention had died down some in recent years. But, Sebastian’s increasingly brash actions where starting to gain him a reputation, and by extension, gain her one for choosing to stay by his side.

Poppy and Adelaide were clearly a bit startled when Y/N and Natty sat down, first looking at them, then looking at each other, as if trying to telepathically communicate about what to say.

“Um, good morning Y/N!” Poppy said, clearly trying her best to use her typically happy tone. “How are you doing this morning?” She asked, her eyes darting over Y/N’s features.

Y/N let out a sigh in response, picking up an apple and taking a sizeable bite out of it. “If you’re trying to ask about what happened with Sebastian this morning, Poppy, I honestly have no clue. Natty and I left the courtyard before I could see Weasley drag him into her office. Again.”

Poppy’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, as Adelaide decided that perhaps she should add to the conversation.

“Y/N- Can I just ask you a question? Hypothetically of course… Apologies if this is too brash. But why exactly do you stay with Sebastian when all he seems to do is cause so much ruckus in your life?” The look on Y/N’s face caused Natty to grab her arm and give a gentle squeeze as if trying to convey that maybe she should think before turning Adelaide into a chicken. After taking a deep breath and determining that she felt ready to give a measured response, Y/N finally opened her mouth again.

“Because, Adelaide… heartbreak is one thing, my ego’s another. And I would argue heartbreak is worse, even though Sebastian has been doing quite a bit of damage to my ego at the moment.”

Her friends regarded her quietly, trying to determine the best way to respond. It wasn’t like Y/N to comment this heavily on her relationship - typically, she only said overwhelming positive things about Sebastian. However, everyone did have their breaking point, and they were beginning to wonder if Y/N had finally hit her’s.

“So what do you think you’re going to do about his behavior?” Poppy finally chimed up, breaking the silence. Y/N let out a small sigh, a look on her face that suggested she was trying to contemplate her options.

“Speak to him about it, I suppose… Maybe he just doesn’t realize to what extent this is effecting me.”

Adelaide shot Y/N a skeptical look, as if she couldn’t image the Sebastian Sallow ever not acting only in his best interest. “Whatever you say Y/N… Just know that we’ll support you, regardless.”

🎀

Y/N did in fact speak to him again, specifically that night, in the same spot in the undercroft they had been in the previous night.

Somehow, tensions were running even higher, as this time Sebastian let out a frustrated huff. “I just don’t understand what you want of me Y/N, its not like I was doing anything objectively wrong.”

Y/N shook her head, as she began pacing to try and relieve her body of the tension that had consumed it. She honestly didn’t know which was worse at this point- the trouble that Sebastian’s actions had the potential of getting him into, or the silent judgement of her friends that seemed to be taking a much larger toll on her conscious than usual.

“I’m going to be completely honest Sebastian. I just don’t get it. There’s plenty to do in the castle- Its so nice in Hogwarts honestly. I really don’t see why you’d even need to leave the grounds so often- and besides, regardless of why, can you please try to realize that my friends are concerned. They’ve always been worried that you’re a ‘bad guy’, and frankly your actions are driving them even further towards that conclusion. I just want to know why you keep doing this!” She kept pacing, at a rate that would eventually wear marks into the stone floor, until Sebastian caught her hands and pulled her into a stop in front of him.

He flashed her the same smile he always did, the one so full of hope and love that she couldn’t help but melt and forgive him. He leaned in, brushed the loose strands of her hair behind her ears, and pressed a soft kiss against her nose. “I unfortunately can’t tell you why yet. I am sorry for embarrassing you though, Y/N. I promise that wasn’t my intent, and I will try to do every in my power to not embarrass you anymore.”

She stared at him, with daggers in her eyes. “I… its not fine. But you better have a damn good reason for all of this Sallow for me to even have a shot at forgiving you.”

He let out a soft smile, and pressed another kiss to her cheek. “I swear on my honor.”

🎀

To Sebastian’s credit, he did manage to keep that promise for almost exactly 10 hours more than he had the day before.

Upon hearing the news that Sebastian had to serve detention again that evening, for some atrocity he had committed that night, Y/N decided it was in her best interest to go get black-out drunk with her friends at the Three Broomsticks to try and forget. At least it was in fact a Friday, so she did have some excuse for her behavior.

The night started off fine, but a few drinks in and Y/N was beginning to feel like she needed to start rethinking her life. She wasn’t sure how much more of Sebastian’s delinquency she could endure. She truly did love him, she even appreciated that he was flawed given she was too - but sometimes, it just felt as if he let his emotions get the better of him… and her.

At this point in the night, she had almost begun crying as Poppy was rubbing comforting circles into her back, trying to persuade her that perhaps another shot of fire whiskey was not the best idea.

Natty and Adelaide shot worried glances between them, trying to decide what they could say in the noisy mess that was the Three Broomsticks, as to hopefully not embarrass her but knock at least some sense into her.

“You know, Y/N, we’re graduating in a couple weeks. Maybe this is a good time to start thinking about what you want your life to look like post-grad.” Poppy said nervously, unsure if Y/N would take kindly to her hinting that perhaps her relationship is something that she should also leave in the past.

Y/N looked up at her, tears in her eyes, as she studied her friends face. “You really think so? I don’t know Poppy… I really do love him.”

Poppy let out another frustrated sigh, trying to determine what she could say to possibly get her friend to change her mind. However, she ran out of time when out of the corner of her eye she saw a certain Slytherin pushing his way through the crowd.

Sebastian had a wide smile on his face, until he got nearer. Upon seeing the tears rolling down his beloved’s face, his expression instantly filled with worry. He greeted her friends, before slowly wrapping an arm around her and pressing a kiss against her temple. “Everything alright my beloved?” He whispered against her ear, the concern evident on his face.

Y/N looked at him for a second, as if processing, before her expression turned to almost disbelief. “I just don’t get it, Sebastian. Why do you always have to go embarrass me like this… I just can’t take it anymore… Honestly, what I truly want to know though is why!? Why do you seem to not care about making me this upset?”

Sebastian swallowed, trying to figure out the best way to approach this concept. Deciding that perhaps honesty was over due, he let out a shaky breath before turning to face her head on. “I do care about making you this upset Y/N. Its just that, well, I’ve been busy collecting things.”

Y/N’s eyebrows shot up at that, giving him and incredulous look. “Collecting… Things? That’s what this is all about.” She let out a short laugh, as if she couldn’t believe her ears.

Sebastian stared at her, as he put his hand his pocket, clearly fiddling with something. “Well… Not just randomly. It was all to try and get this.” He pulled a small black velvet box from his pocket, opening it to reveal a small diamond accented with a silver band - the ring was simple, but shocking nonetheless. Y/N eyebrows went even higher as she stared at Sebastian open mouthed, as if trying to ask the question without using any words.

“I uh… You see, when I got caught trying to harvest lacewing flies, it was because I needed them to brew Felix Felicis. Yesterday, I got caught while collecting the flux weed. But I needed it because I heard that there was a catacomb that contained the sort of ring that I wanted to propose with… I just needed to get lucky enough to find it. I knew there was a hidden cave in the cliff above the forbidden forest, but had no idea of the exact location… so-”

Y/N barely even registered the words he was saying, outside of the p word that she didn’t expect to hear from his lips so soon. “Sebastian… I, what does this all mean?”

Sebastian looked around nervously, shooting a glance towards her friends before deciding it was finally time he did right be her. Getting down on one knee, he gently squeezed her hand, studying her eyes for any sign of fear. Thankfully, he found none.

“Y/N L/N, will you marry me?”

Y/N clapped a hand over her mouth as the tears started again, staring down at the scene before her. Sebastian let out a nervous laugh, sincerely hoping that those were the right kinds of tears.

“Well babe, what do you say?”

In flash, Y/N felt any anger she had about his past infractions melting away.

“Yes Sebastian… Yes I will marry you!” She let out a small squeal, jumping up from her stool and pulling him up into a hug.

As the two embraced and traded sweet remarks, Poppy facepalmed at the sight. Natty leaned in, whispering softly, “How long do you give it until he gets in trouble again?”

Poppy sighed, and shook her head, “Optimistically, I give him a week.”

🎀

Sebastian did in fact get another detention the next week. However, at least this time he had company since his new finance also got caught sneaking out of the castle with him.

[edenfenixblogs]

I don’t think most non-Jews understand how disappointed we are in the left right now. How completely abandoned we’ve become. How our contributions to progress for other groups have been erased or disavowed or hidden. How the actual tangible things that Jews have contributed to black rights and civil rights are being ignored. How we’re being told we contribute and have contributed nothing.

How we are being told that the world has been kind to us when it never has. As if my mom didn’t grow up getting called a Kike and getting beat up for being Jewish. How I thought I had friends until I caught them saying “xyz was beautiful until Jews showed up.” How people told me I was pretty “for a Jew.” How I grew up hearing stories about bombs being set off in Israel in buses and markets. How I couldn’t even go two weeks without hearing that and how nobody cared and somehow, every time that happened, the whole world became more hostile to me for some reason.

I just don’t understand. I don’t understand what leftists are doing. Or why. I hate that I have to say—of course, I support a free and self determined Palestine (which I truly do)—in order for you to decide I’m worthy of care and support.

We showed up for you. All of you. And the entire movement is abandoning us at best or targeting us at worst. Celebrating our deaths. Saying we deserved it. How are we supposed to trust you ever again? How are we supposed to feel safe ever again?

A very few select people who are in my life have taken the chance to actually learn about and dismantle their own unconscious antisemitism during this time. And I’m eternally grateful for them. But most people haven’t reached out at all. Most people are still sharing hateful things that could get me hurt and they don’t care. Most people Reblogging my posts are still Jews. Because we are alone. And it sucks. You need to be as loud about antisemitism as you are about Palestine or you’re an antisemite (unless you’re Arab/Muslim/Palestinian—I totally get that these groups are also doing damage control in their own communities just like Jews are).

But we are all in tremendous pain right now.

This moment will pass. And when it does, I will remember how many people let me down. I will remember that when I needed support more than I’ve ever needed it in my life, people fucking vanished. They pretended violence against my people wasn’t happening. They ignored and rewrote the history of Israel to suit their own narratives.

You don’t know what it feels like to be hated this much for opposite things. PoC hate us for being too white. White supremacists hate us for not being white enough. Europeans hate us for being middle eastern. Middle easterners hate us for being western/European. Everyone hates us for being settlers but continually kicks us out of their countries so that we have to settle somewhere else.

I saw a post going around from a Black person who said that the reason he and his fellow black activists go protest for Palestinians instead of fighting antisemitism (as if it’s a binary, which it’s not) is that Jews don’t show up. Muslims and Palestinians do. And honestly? Fuck that guy. Heather Heyer died standing shoulder to shoulder against racism in 2017. [CORRECTION: When I first wrote this post I was under the impression that Heather Heyer was Jewish. I want to correct to avoid spreading misinfo. She was just the first (and incorrect) Jewish civil rights activist I thought of. However there are plenty of other actual Jewish civil rights activists to choose from. If you have reblogged this post from me, please feel free to add a link to the permalink version of this post with my correction to your reblog.]I have devoted substantial time and effort and money that I don’t even get paid a lot of because I don’t get paid a living wage. I have continually reached out to PoC people in my life of all religions to ask how they are doing and what I could be doing to help more—both for them personally and how they would best like me to help their community. I have elevated their voices at every opportunity. And not one person I checked in with has done the same for me or for my community.

And it’s bone chilling. It’s awful. And it’s even worse knowing that when it’s over, people will want to go back to normal. They won’t apologize. They won’t self reflect. They’ll just live their lives, maybe a little more aware of how much they hate us and completely indifferent to the harm they’ve caused us. How disposable they made us feel. And the thing is…it’s not hard for you to know. You just have to ask.

Too many people are cowards. Too many people care about looking good than actually learning something or making the world better. And to those people: you should be ashamed of yourself.

I don’t have any hate in my heart. Truly. Not a drop for any group of people. But I have a tremendous lack of trust that anyone would actually lift a finger to keep me safe.

[mothwingwritings]

Animal Magnetism

F!Reader X Yujiro Hanma (Omegaverse AU)

Well folks, here is my first ever attempt at a true Omegaverse fic. I wanted to start out with something little to get a feel for it, but since I don’t know how to chill it ended up being a bit longer than anticipated. ^^; I’m still getting the hang of it all, but I hope you enjoy it regardless! Thank you so much for reading!!!

Also, I have a rather busy end of May-June coming up, so I’m not sure how much I will be able to write and update during that time. I apologize in advance. That being said, I wrote this pretty fast and edited it even faster so that I could get it out before I get swamped, so I apologize if it reads a bit rushed. (シ_ _)シ

THIS FIC IS NSFW, SO 18+ ONLY PLEASE!!!

WARNINGS: Noncon/dubcon, yandere vibes, ABO/Omegaverse AU (reader is the omega ofc), death, strangulation, brief mentions of stalking, reader is degraded and treated like an object by Yujiro Hanma. You know how it is. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯"

You considered yourself lucky to have found the love of your life.

That wasn’t always the case for Omegas. Since your childhood, you’d heard countless horror stories from your parents and friends, tragedies and cautionary tales of the horrors Omega’s faced when looking for a mate. Many of your kind faced dismal futures as breeding factories or were forgotten and neglected by their partners whenever they weren’t in heat. It was a lonely, painful, and unfulfilling existence, but a sad reality that many Omega’s endured nonetheless.

Because of this your parents sheltered you, doing their best to keep you from the cruel power imbalance of the outside world. Your father made sure he was the only alpha allowed near you on the property, the rest of your friends and acquaintances consisting of either other Omega’s or Beta’s. Not that you much minded, after all the negativity you heard surrounding Alpha’s you figured this was for the best. You weren’t missing out on anything, and as long as you took your suppressors accordingly, you were sure you could live out the rest of your life just fine without Alpha influence and still feel completely fulfilled.

That was to say, until a certain bodyguard was hired as the family escort, specifically YOUR escort. You had heard he was an Alpha and were quite shocked that your father would allow such a person so close to you, especially with all his previous warnings. But as time passed and your curiosity grew, you would eventually introduce yourself to the man of your own accord, excited and nervous to see what manner of individual he truly was. At the time, you would have never ended up guessing that one meeting would end up turning your entire world on its head, bringing more joy to your life than you could have ever imagined.

You were smitten the moment your hands joined in the initial shake, taken in by his easy smile and sparkling eyes. He had respectfully kept his distance from you at your father’s request, but you could tell he was elated to finally speak with you, a small blush gracing his cheeks as soon as you said ‘hello’. He was a kindly man, mild mannered and soft spoken, but strong where it mattered and protective to a fault. Were it not for the unmistakable scent that exuded from him, you wouldn’t guess he was an Alpha at all, or at least he certainly didn’t fit the description of most of the Alpha’s your father warned you about-all full of machismo and brutality, ready at a moment’s notice to tear you apart to satisfy their own base urges.

This man was the opposite of that, and when you fell for him, you fell hard.

Years past in a whirlwind, from the initial awkward first dates, to buying your own place together, to his heartfelt proposal to you. Through it all he always remained respectful, giving you all the space and time you needed to adjust to your life with him, never pushing his boundaries or showing any untoward aggression or advances.  Because of this, even after spending years together, you were able to remain pure, saving yourself for the day the two of you would join as one, marking each other to truly solidify your union.

And so time marched on, moving so fast that on more than one occasion you wished you could stop the clock altogether, just to steal a few more moments with him.

But now, you would never enjoy his company ever again.

His corpse had been tossed aside, discarded several feet from where you lay. It was so bloodied and broken you could barely recognize it as human, let alone as someone you once loved. Your chest rose and fell with erratic breaths punctuated by fear, the desire welling inside of you momentarily quelled by this sudden nightmare.

Minutes ago he was atop you, peeling the clothing from your aching, hot body. Moving painfully slow, he took his time enjoying your first heat with him, no longer constrained by the suppressors you had taken your whole life. You were scared of the process, worried about losing control of yourself and becoming mindless, driven by only your base needs. Not to mention the pain it would entail, the endless torture of emptiness, and the desperation you would experience relying solely on him for release from your torment.

But he had been patient and understanding through the whole process, explaining how it would all go down and how he would help you through it, alleviating any rogue fears that still remained. He even went so far as to help you prepare your nest, purchasing you any and everything you may need to make it comforting and inviting for when the time finally arrived. Meticulously helping you arrange everything while gushing about how excited he was, how lucky he felt having you as his mate, the one he would be eternally bonded too. He seemed more into the prep work than even you did.

Now, the nest that was to be used to consummate your love was stained in crimson, his blood splashing across it in vibrant streaks the moment he was knocked off you, flung across the room like a rag doll. No matter how badly you wanted to, you couldn’t tear your eyes away from the lifeless body that used to be your beloved. Everything that had made him shine had been stolen in the blink of an eye, leaving only a husk remaining.

Above him stood his murderer, Yujiro Hanma, looming with a bestial sort of feral energy as he stared at the carcass by his feet.  Before this moment, you had never interacted with the man they called ‘The Ogre’, but that didn’t mean you didn’t know all about him. It was hard not to-the strongest man in the world was a celebrity in his own right, renowned the world over for his ferocity and ruthless nature. He had started and ended wars by simply existing, going wherever he pleased and doing whatever he wanted because there was no one who could stop him. He ruled countries from the shadows, amassed wealth and respect from the most influential men in the world. Truly, he was not a person to be reckoned with.

All that aside, you knew him best as the man your father despised the most. A once respected comrade from your father’s military days, you were aware that Yujiro had done something unspeakable to your father in the past, therefore disgracing him from your entire family. Your father had always been an amicable and fair man, someone that you couldn’t imagine having any enemies (even with his military background), let alone ones that used to be dear friends. And while the mystery of what Yujiro may have done to your father to receive this treatment gnawed incessantly at your brain, you kept your questions to yourself, not wanting to open any old wounds that may hurt him in the process.

Now you wished you had pressed the issue more, maybe then you would have a clue as to why this mythical family villain had abruptly entered the scene, irrevocably changing your life in the process.

The slaughter happened so quickly that Yujiro didn’t even break a sweat. Not that he would have anyway-the differences in ability were clear as day, you didn’t need any fighting prowess to realize that. Your mate never stood a chance.

The ogre’s fiery hair danced wildly around his head like a halo as he turned his attention your way, his figure both terrifying and awe inspiring as he took his time stalking towards your vulnerable form. There was no need for him to rush- the power of his presence alone was enough to root you in place.

Splayed out in your nest, you were completely exposed. Your nude chest heaving as a thin layer of sweat coated you, anxiety and confusion mingling with the raging heat your body was going through. Even after watching the execution of your mate before your very eyes, your body was still yearning, causing a horrible, all-encompassing burning that scalded you from the inside out. It made you desperate for release as your mate was in the process of marking you, taking his time exploring the body of the woman with whom he was destined to spend the rest of his life with before carrying out the duty.

And while his drawn out advance was driving you to the point of madness, amplifying the throbbing ache in your core with each teasing touch of his hands and sensual kiss of his lips, you knew the sluggish pace was for your benefit-to prepare you properly. It was your first time, the start of your forever with him. He wanted to make it special, for your pleasure to be immeasurable when he finally entered you, making you feel so good that when he bit down to mark you as his, the pain would be nothing in comparison, if felt at all. You had a life time of love ahead of you, but that was no excuse for him to give in to his desire and rush your first union.

But he was gone now, and his kindness had left you feverish and wanting-so desperately wanting- release. Craving your alpha, needing him so badly you could barely stand it, you writhed pathetically on the ground, whimpering in agony at the absence of fulfillment. Unable to control yourself, your hand traveled to your privates, tears flooding your eyes when stuffing your fingers deep inside of yourself only seemed to hurt you more. It was hollow and empty, not what you needed, not what you craved.

Were you in your normal mindset, revulsion would have washed over you at your actions-the love of your life had just been slain and here you were making a sorry attempt at masturbation while his body lay decomposing beside you. What kind of woman does that? How could you live with yourself after this? How could you tell yourself you truly love him, when now that he’s gone the only feeling your addled brain can conjure is disappointment over the fact that you won’t get the fucking you have become so desperate for?

How had you become so disgusting? You lightly shook your head, trying to dispel the thoughts of self-loathing. Perhaps the blame did not lie fully on your shoulders, but to another culprit, one who was stalking his way closer and closer to you with each passing moment, hunting you as a wolf does livestock.

In any other scenario, this heart-rending moment would have been enough to crack the shell of haze your heat had left you in, no matter how worked up you had become. But the man who was now standing above you, Yujiro Hanma, was dangerous in ways you hadn’t even begun to fathom. His smell of his musk was so overbearing you nearly choked on it, the lust it sent coursing through your body turning you into something unrecognizable. You honed in on Yujiros scent long before his arrival, at first mistaking it for your own mate’s scent that had been amplified by your combined heats. And while it disgusted you to admit it, this new, intoxicating scent excited you far more than your own lover’s ever had, turning your mind to mush the longer you inhaled its aroma.

Yujiro’s cruel eyes bore down upon you, a look of mild amusement displayed on his face as he took in your weakened state. The smirk he wore as he killed your lover began to grow, his lips spreading into a full on smile, baring his teeth in a look that could only be considered as malicious.

“Well what do we have here,” he leered, the mere sound of his husky voice enough to make you moan, “Feeling a bit neglected, are we?”

He bent down on his knee, kneeling beside you as his eyes flicked across your body. After a brief once over, his large hand reached out towards your head, thick fingers knotting themselves into a fist as they gripped your hair. Roughly he yanked you up, dangling you mere inches from his face as he continued to stare at you with his horrible, ravenous eyes.

You scrambled to get your bearings, perching yourself on your knees to help alleviate the pressure on your scalp. Positioned so closely to him, his pheromones became even more intense, slick starting to seep from inside you from the proximity alone. Bright red bloomed across your body, a mixture of extreme arousal and embarrassment, as you wriggled in his hold.

Yujiro scoffed, “Look at you, I haven’t even touched you and you’re already leaking,” He swiped his fingers briskly against your weeping pussy, making you cry out as he gathered the evidence of your intoxication on his hand. Holding the glistening fingers up to your face, his smile returned as he goaded you.  “Bet your little boyfriend lacked the power to make that happen, didn’t he?”

Any anger that may have welled inside you over the slight against your beloved was instantly quelled, eaten by the tumultuous feeling of frustration the situation ensnared you in. All you could do was stare at Yujiro with pleading eyes, any words you attempted to speak dying out the moment you tried to voice them, becoming little more than whiny, petulant mewlings. Rubbing your thighs together in an attempt to create friction, you prayed he would show an ounce of mercy and grant you release soon, fretting over how much longer your body could handle waiting.

Yujiro sighed, chuckling softly under his breath, “Your father is a damned fool, you know that? I told that stubborn bastard that his cute little Omega daughter was meant to be mine, knew it the moment I saw you. I warned him that he could try and pair you off with some other lesser Alpha, but it would be a waste of time. You were fated to be mine- made to take my cock. Trying to make you anything other than my bitch was both asinine and disgraceful.”

He shot you another wicked smile, “Idiots like him may not realize what a fucking honor it is to be my cumdump, but surely you do, right sweetheart?”

You squeaked as he tugged you closer, his breath fanning your face while he stared down his nose at you, “Or maybe you don’t, given the situation I found you in. Looks like my ravenous little whore just couldn’t contain herself, could she?”

His lips curled into a snarl, his booming voice reverberating through your bones as he continued to address your misdemeanor. “Nesting with some weak piece of shit like that, have you no pride in yourself? I’m embarrassed you even gave him the time of day, let alone bared yourself to him. Who do you think you are, trying to fuck basic trash when you belong to me?”

Without giving you a chance to respond, he released his grip on your hair, shoving you roughly to the ground in the process. Hearing him move behind you, you attempted to push your feeble body into a sitting position, trying to reacclimate yourself. However before you could achieve this simple goal, his hand latched to the back of your head, shoving it down until it was smothered in the soft blankets beneath you. His free hand yanked your legs out from under you, pulling your ass up in the process. Though you couldn’t see him, the power radiating from him was immense, his aura so domineering you felt as if it alone was steadily crushing you. Were you in any sane frame of mind you would fear for your life, struggle and fight against the oppressive hardness that slotted itself against your dripping entrance.

But the slave you had become welcomed the intrusion, and as he tightened his hold on you, growling in your ear like the wild animal he had proved himself to be, you couldn’t stop your body from shuddering in anticipation of what was to come.

“It’s time for some corrective action.”

He entered you violently, his thick cock impossibly hot as he sheathed himself inside of you. The initial pain tore a scream from your throat, your vision dotting as you felt blood trail steadily down your shaking legs. He gave you no time to adjust, continuing his brutal assault as he pounded into you, uncaring of the damage he was inflicting upon you. The smack of his skin against your was punctuated by your cries, at first full of pain, but slowly morphing into expulsions of pleasure.

When the abruptness of his entrance fully subsided, you began to focus on the feel of him inside of you. Each slam of his hips ignited you, creating a feverish frenzy within that blocked out all other sensations and judgment. He filled you so completely, easily reaching all the spots that your fingers tried so desperately to reach just moments ago, satisfying all the areas that had been so urgently in need of attention with each stroke of his cock. You wanted more, needed more, moving in time with him as you chased after your pleasure. Wanton moans spilled from your lips, muffled by the bedding that was being shoved into your mouth with each thrust.

Even in the uncomfortable position he had locked you in, unable to breathe properly or escape from his grasp, all you could find yourself caring about was the alpha behind you and how he was making you feel- a strange sense of pride bubbled inside you the longer he went at you. The most powerful man in the world was doing little more than using you, and yet it was the fact that he chose you to begin with that filled you with flattery. A nobody like you being sought out by an alpha like him... Isn’t that what all Omegas dreamed of? To be desired by a dominant Alpha, having the honor of bringing them pleasure and receiving pleasure in turn, wasn’t that your only purpose, your reason for being?

You never dreamed you would feel that way before, but now you were finally starting to understand. The delirium of your desire had launched you into a state of inescapable euphoria, rebirthing you as nothing more than a shell of a woman who had finally realized her purpose, completely giving herself over to her unquenchable cravings while her Alpha’s assault molded her destiny.

Yujiro was a monster. Any man who did what they had done to the love of your life, any man whom your father had hated to the point of excommunication, any man who would violate you in such a way without so much as batting an eye, was an abomination-the remaining rational part of your mind understood this.

Yet as this demon, deserving of nothing but your scorn and hatred, spilled himself inside of you all you could feel was thankful. Thankful that the ungodly heat was starting to subside, happy that the pain the experience had brought you was alleviated, and blissed out over the feel of him nestled deeply inside of you, convulsing as the twitch of his cumming cock rained pleasure down upon you.

Finally, you felt complete.

After pumping you full of his hefty load, he hoisted you up in his arms, repositioning you so that you were facing him, straddling his lap. Gasping the moment you gained access to fresh air, a distressed groan croaked from your throat as his incisors latched to your neck, sinking deep into your scent gland. Your body shuddered at the sensation, fresh waves of pain and rapture coursing through you as he marked you decisively as his.

The cock that was still stuffed inside of you remained rigid, showing no signs of softening as your walls fluttered around it, the next round of your heat coming far sooner than you had anticipated. His hand wrapped securely around your throat, replacing where his lips had just been. He clamped down hard, pain pulsating from the open wound your scent gland had become, struggling once more to breath. His other hand grasped your hip, both limbs working in unison to bounce you on his dick-using you as if you were a human fleshlight.

“Don’t forget your place again,” he grunted, pulling you down on his cock so harshly, you saw stars, “You’re mine now.”

[mountttmase]

Winter Sun - Chapter 5

Note - lil early treat as the game is on tomorrow. this is probably one of my favourites so I’m super excited for you guys to read it. Once again thank you sm for being so lovely I just adore you guys 🥺 also I added in a anons suggestion last minute I hope you like it 🤭 and feedback is appreciated as always 🩷

Pairing - Mason Mount × Reader

Word count - 6.1k

Warnings - series will contain fluff, smut & angst

Masterlist

You didn’t know if the heat was getting to Mason, but he could barely keep his hands off of you as the week went on.

Every night the pair of you ended up in one of the others room to let off some steam and you were beginning to wonder how you’d survive without him when the holiday finished. Even during the day he’d try and sneak you off if he could. Pretending you’d gone for a nap or to make a call so he could quickly make the pair of you cum and you couldn’t lie, you were having the time of your life.

It wasn’t just the sex though. He was right, you were his for the week and no matter where you were or what you were doing he was practically glued to your side. You were having the best week with him and all your friends and the little arrangement only made it even better.

You kept to your side of the deal too, making him breakfast and lunch if he wanted it. Treating him to ice cream when you were out even when he refused and making sure he always had his sun cream on but you knew he was secretly loving being taken care of in this way. Often finding him staring at you longingly as you made him something to eat like he wanted to pull you in and not let you go.

You felt good. Better than good, you felt wanted and needed and even though you both promised that the friendship came first and no feelings would be involved you noticed you’d started to slip.

You thought about him constantly when he wasn’t around, only feeling truly content when he was next to you and you felt yourself becoming in tune with the way he acted towards you. One misplaced glance or change in the tone of his voice had you spiralling but you were too afraid to say anything to him in case you made a fool of yourself so you kept it in. Trying to be as relaxed as possible around him.

You’d had a great week by all accounts though, getting drunk in the evening and soaking up the sun in the day and before you knew it there were only a few days left. Today was a little different though as you were meant to be having a girls day and Carly had arranged for the four of you to go pottery painting whilst the boys had their own thing going on but when you left you realised they were coming with you. Ben explaining that due to the weather their speedboat experience had been cancelled so they were tagging along to paint with you.

‘I’ve never done pottery painting, I don’t think I’ll be any good’ you told Mason as you all approached the building. Him holding the door open for you and you smiled as you walked passed him.

‘You decorate your cakes all fancy though, surely you can’t be too bad’

‘I guess we’ll have to wait and see’ you winked. Joining everyone else as a sweet older lady explained what you had to do.

Once she was done you were all allowed to go and pick your pottery, and once again you felt Mason brush up besides you as you looked for something to paint.

‘What are you thinking of painting?’ You asked him, eyes scanning the shelves for something exciting and you watched as he picked up a small stubby sort of vase before sending you a wink.

‘Wouldn’t you like to know’ he laughed before turning on his heel and making his way over to sit with the rest of the boys. Leaving you stumped before turning back to your only other hope.

‘Carly? Whar are you painting?’

‘Gonna paint Ben a mug I think, and maybe a little bowl for my cereal’ she mused, grabbing the biggest bowl she could see before taking it back to the girls table. You watched with a smile, knowing how much she loved her cookie crisp but your eyes were soon wandering over to Mason like they always did.

In the end you picked up a mug, wanting to paint Mason something too and then a mug for yourself before joining the girls. Sitting and gossiping as you let your creative juices flow and even though you were trying your hardest to paint something nice for Mason your lines were all wobbly and you thought it looked silly but you hoped it liked it.

For your own mug you decorated it with little strawberries and daisies, this coming out a little better than Masons but you were clearly taking too long as the girl’s had gone to join the boys to show off what they’d made as you were finishing up.

‘That's pretty’ Mason smiled, taking up the seat next to you. ‘The mugs not too bad either’

‘Oh hush it you’ you laughed. Secretly enjoying his compliments and you knew you were blushing as much as you tried to hide it.

‘Sorry, but it’s true, I am a bit concerned though. Please don’t tell me you’ve spent this whole time doing that’

‘Of course not’ you laughed, nodding your head to the side and you watched his eyes light up at the Spider-Man mug you’d painted for him. ‘I know it’s not great but I thought it might look good on your mug tree I got you’ you laughed, referring to the one you’d got him as a house warming gift and you watched his eyes soften as they flickered back between you and the mug.

‘You painted that for me?’

‘Of course. Just another little thank you of mine’ you teased but you could tell he was touched that you’d made something for him.

‘I guess I should show you what I did’ he laughed, a nervous expression on his face as he went to retrieve his item but you were more than confused when he set it down in front of you.

This looked nothing like the vase he’d picked up before. It was covered in little hearts of all shapes and sizes, pretty flowers and a few cupcakes hidden in here and there plus a slightly bigger pink heart that had gwen Stacey’s pink mask inside. Making you smile as you recalled all the times you’d spent watching it together and you loved the way both of yours tied in together without you meaning it too.

You were just about to ask what it was when you noticed the word tips carefully written in a fancy font on the front and your eyes shot up to his nervous ones.

‘It’s for your bakery. Thought it might look nicer than the coffee jar you’ve got sat by the till’ he laughed and your heart melted instantly.

‘Oh Mase’ you laughed. Dropping your brush and pulling him in for a hug and he held you back just as tightly. Tucking his head into your neck as he was a little shy and your heart thumped at how lovely he had been.

‘Bit of luck I painted something for you now huh?’ You laughed. Pulling back to look at his flushed face before his eyes darted to the Spider-Man mug in between you.

‘I’ll treasure it forever’ he laughed before helping you pick everything up and take it over to where everyone else’s were. The lady let you know they’d take around a week to be finished and you all wrote your addresses down for each piece before going to grab a quick lunch so you could get back to the villa. The weather now changing and after your busy morning and early afternoon, all you could think about was heading over to your chair and blocking out the rest of the world.

Well everyone but Mason at least.

He was still in the kitchen grabbing himself a drink, promising to follow you outside shortly to join you and with a quick, sneaky pinch to his bum you took the few steps from the kitchen to outside.

‘You coming in, y/n?’ Ben called, motioning his head into the pool as you walked around the edge towards you but you shook your head. Heading straight for the lounge chair you’d claimed as your own so you could get set up with your book however Ben seemed to be having different ideas. Stopping you in your tracks with his hands on your shoulders and the cheeky smile on his face unnerved you. ‘Come on, I haven’t seen you in there once this week’

‘So? I don’t want to’

‘But you have to, it’s the rules’ he laughed, turning you so you were now facing away from him, his chest pressed against your back as he bent slightly before lifting you from the floor.

‘Chilly I swear to god, put me down’ you shrieked, voice full of fear but you could tell he thought it was all hilarious. Swinging you from side to side as you thrashed and kicked your legs, your breaths short and sharp like you couldn’t take enough air in and as your eyes began to sting from fear you couldn’t help but let out a frightened whimper.

‘No can do, everyone needs to go for a swim or you can’t say you’ve had a proper holiday’ he laughed, swinging you back one final time before launching you into the water.

Everyone’s laughter and cheering was suddenly silenced, all you could hear was a rushing noise as you tried to fight your way to safety. You didn’t know what way was up and what was down and the more you struggled the more lost you became. Your lungs burning as you resisted the urge to open your mouth and scream but you were so frightened you didn’t know what else to do.

I’m gonna die, the only thought that was rushing through your head but the sudden feeling of someone’s arms around your waist as they dragged you up and back to the real world knocked the wind out of you.

You were gasping for breath instantly, your hands gripping onto someone’s strong shoulders as you tried to calm your aching lungs before you felt their hand on you back so they could pull you into them. Your arms snaked around their neck as you hid your head into them and they rubbed up and down soothingly to try and relax you before pulling you flush against them with their lips to your ear.

‘It’s okay, you’re safe now. I’ve got you, yeah? I promise it’s alright’

‘Mase’ you whimpered, booming coughs erupting from you as you clung to him even tighter. Wrapping your legs around his waist as he held you to his chest tightly and you knew you were going to be fine.

‘I know, Muffin. I promise I’ve got you’ he told you gently as he slowly walked you to the steps of the pool, gently walking you out whilst you clung to him like a koala and once you were up the steps and on the side you let yourself slide down his body so you could stand on your own. You could feel him start to pull back, probably wanting to check you were okay but you were having none of it. Small sobs now poring from you as you realised you were okay, the shock of it all finally hitting you and the embarrassment of everyone having seen you flapping about like a wet fish made you hold him even tighter as you cried into his neck.

‘Y/n I-‘ Ben started from behind you but Mason was quick to cut him off for you.

‘Don’t, Ben. Just don’t’

‘I didn’t-‘

‘Ben I swear to god if you don’t fuck off right now’ Mason growled, his body going stuff as he pulled you impossibly closer to his body. ‘I mean what the fuck were you thinking?’ He roared, but you didn’t want to start and argument so you pulled back in the hopes he’d look at you. He looked furious, cheeks flushed as his brows pitched together and you could feel the anger pouring from him but you watched his expression soften at the sight of you.

‘Can we just go inside’ you whispered through your tears and without so much a look in Bens direction, Mason lead you into the kitchen and away from everyone else before picking you up by your thighs and placing you on the counter.

‘Are you okay?’ He whispered, holding you by the jaw so she could get a good look at you and even though you were still crying and taking in strangled breaths you nodded your head. ‘What happened?’

‘H-he threw me I-in. I p-panicked’ you stuttered out before he pulled you back into his chest so you could calm down. You knew you were fine but your heart was still beating out of your chest and you were thankful you had Mason to grip onto.

Once you were calm again you pulled back to look at him, a soft concerned expression on his face as he placed a soft kiss to your forehead and you couldn’t ignore the goosebumps that traveled over your arms at the gesture. His touch was grounding you more than you thought it would but the feel of his lips on your skin made you feel even better.

‘You really don’t like the water do you?’ He asked softly, a small smile on his lips and you shook your head softly as you rubbed at your eyes. ‘Can you swim?’ He questioned gently and you took a nervous gulp before answering.

‘No’ you whispered, wanting to look away out of embarrassment but his non judgemental stare settled you and your carried on looking into his gentle eyes.

‘Y/n’ he sighed, but you could tell there was smile behind his voice as he slightly scolded you. ‘You need to tell me things like that. How am I supposed to look after you if I don’t know?’

‘Sorry’ you chuckled but he just shook his head before pulling you back into his embrace.

‘It’s alright. Just as long as you’re okay’ he mumbled, pulling back to look at you and you sent him a reassuring smile.

‘I’ll be fine’

‘Good’ he laughed before dropping his head to press a light kiss to your lips.

You froze, that’s against the rules being your first thought but he didn’t seem to be reacting in any way so you kept your cool and acted like what he’d just done was normal even though it was anything but.

‘Do you fancy going out for a bit? We can head to the beach rather than hanging here, I just know if I see Ben I’m likely to throttle him’ he joked, squeezing your waist lightly and you agreed, still a little embarrassed about the whole thing so you let him help you down so you could quickly leave.

You tried to be quick, drying yourself off and changing into a new bikini and a pair of shorts before chucking on an over shirt and trainers snd meeting Mason in the hall outside your rooms.

He was dressed in shorts and a tank, clearly throwing his own outfit together pretty hastily but looking at him still made your knees weak. The fact he’d have his tattoos on show for you today too made your tummy flip so when he held out his hand you took it straight away before he led you outside and thankfully you didn’t see anyone on the way out. Following Mason with your head down and once you were out he steered you towards the main town.

‘Thought we could have a walk on the beach maybe? Or look round some shops?’

‘Sounds perfect’ you smiled, squeezing his hand gently as you followed him down.

You arrived at the shops first, the pair of you looking at all the trinkets and souvenirs before Mason asked if you’d like to play a game and you looked up at Mason with a confused expression.

‘Whenever me and my family go away we get each other a magnet’ he told you, head motioning inside one of the tourist shops at a giant wall of magnets. ‘You go in here, I’ll go into the shop opposite and we can buy each other one. You know, one that reminds us of the other’ he explained but your silence made his face falter. ‘Or if that’s weird we can just-‘

‘No Mason I love it’ you giggled, squeezing his hand before letting go. ‘I’ll meet you out here in a sec yeah?’

‘Okay’ he nodded shyly before you both went in separate directions. There were a few you were considering but in the end you picked up one that looked like a rooster as it reminded you of Nando’s and you’d seen them everywhere this week and once you’d picked up a few more things for people back home, you felt your phone buzz in your pocket. Carly’s name flashing up on your screen and you felt nervous instantly. She wasn’t around when the pool fiasco happened and you knew she was probably worrying where you were.

You met him outside where he was looking at you with a cheeky smile before quickly swapping the little paper bags they were hidden in, both bursting into fits of giggles when you saw you’d bought each other the same one.

‘You fancy a walk on the beach? We can stay away from the water if you want’ he smiled but you just laughed and took his outstretched hand. Walking along the shore as he intwinted his fingers with yours.

It all felt so surreal, getting caught up in the moment even though you know you shouldn’t have, but the way he was acting so soft and caring with you made your heart flutter and you had to remind yourself often that he was still just your friend.

He stopped suddenly, pulling his phone out his his pocket before seemingly trying to take a picture of the sand in front of you and you were confused as to what he was doing until he threw a peace sign up in the air, looking down to see his shadow on the sand so you joined in as he took a few more. Both giggling away until he placed his arm around your waist and pulled you flush against his side before popping a kiss on your forehead and snapping a picture.

You looked up at him carefully, his bright eyes looking down into yours and the urge to kiss him was stronger than ever. He beat you to it though, planting another illegal kiss on your lips softly before taking your hand again so you could carry on walking.

‘You feeling better now, Muffin?’ He asked quietly, a hint of worry still in his eyes but it needn’t be there.

‘Much better. Thank you for looking after me Mase’ you told him sincerely, wrapping your arms around his waist so you could hold him close. ‘Sorry for ruining your peaceful afternoon’

‘Don’t be silly, I’d rather hang out with you anyway. I was thinking, maybe we could grab some dinner out? Unless you wanna go back, we can do that too’ he told you, rushing at the end like he thought he’d overstepped but you were enjoying your alone time with him so you sent him a reassuring smile.

‘No I like the sound of that. Maybe we could have a little picnic on the beach? I don’t think I’m looking too presentable to be sitting in somewhere’ you laughed, looking down and your thrown together outfit and still damp hair but the soft smile on his face relaxed you.

‘I mean I think you look great but whatever you want’ he winked, squeezing your sides playfully.

After another quick walk around the town, Mason pointed out a take away pizza place and put your order in before you popped into the small supermarket opposite to grab some drinks and sweet treats before taking your food back to the beach so you could eat and watch the sunset.

Even though you didn’t like the water, there was something about sitting by the sea and the sound of the waves that made you feel at peace. And sitting with Mason as you spoke casually about future plans and how he was looking forward to the rest of the season made your heart sing.

‘I know we haven’t known each other too long in the grand scheme of things, but you know I’m really proud of you, don’t you?’ You told him softly, watching the most heartwarming smile stretch across his face before he patted the space in front of him so you’d sit in between his legs. Once you were comfortable his arms snaked around your waist and you placed yours on top of his as he pulled you as close as he could to him. His lips by your ear so he could speak to you quietly.

‘I’m proud of you too, Muffin’ he whispered, the smile in his voice evident but you both started giggling as he kissed the side of your head. ‘I’m serious. You’ve got your own thing going on and you’re so successful and like I’m just so happy for you, you know? No one deserves to be happy more than you’

‘You deserve to be happy too’ you told him, moving your shoulders round slightly so you could look at him and you almost melted when his hand came to rest on your cheek so he could stroke it gently.

‘I am happy’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah, I know it was a big choice to go up there and have everything change. And yeah maybe there are certain things I would of liked to of kept the same but I think it’s worked out pretty well’

‘I think so too’ you whispered, your smile mirroring his as he continued to gently stroke your cheek. ‘Though I miss having you around’

‘I miss you too’ he smiled

‘Hmmm me or my cakes?’

‘Your cake’s obviously’ he laughed, making you roll your eyes playfully as you looked away from him but he was quick to hold you closer and scatter kisses on top of your head until you looked back. ‘I’m kidding. It’s mostly you’

There was that feeling again, wanting to kiss him more than anything and you knew he felt the same because his eyes kept flashing down to your lips as they flickered all over your face. You figured you’d just take the plunge, he’d kissed you twice already today so you reached up and thankfully he caught on and met you in the middle.

Kissing Mason like this made you feel giddy. You were breaking every rule in the book but there was no intent behind it, just two people showing the other how they felt and you hope Mason could tell how much you appreciated him for everything

‘Thank you for this week, Mase, I was really worried about coming but I’m so glad I did. I’ll never be able to repay you’

‘You don’t have to thank me or repay me’

‘But I do. I really appreciate everything you do for me’

‘Well do you send me cakes a lot’ he winked, ‘and you're always there for my games, good times and bad you're by my side so I appreciate you too. More than you know’ he told you softly. A warm fuzzy feeling spreading over your skin and you didn’t have the confidence to look at him anymore so you faced forward as the pair of you snuggled closer and listened to the sound of the waves crashing on the shore.

‘Shall we head back? You’re starting to get cold and I don’t have anything for you’ Mason asked after a little while and even though you were content in his arms you knew it was getting late and you’d have to head back soon so you begrudgingly nodded.

‘Okay’ you whispered, taking a slow walk back with his hand in yours the whole way. When you got back, the house was silent and you weren’t even sure if anyone was in so you made your way down to your rooms after putting your leftovers in the fridge. Standing awkwardly outside your doors as he scratched the back of his neck.

‘You wanna come in here for a bit?’ He asked, making you raise your brows at him suggestively but he was quick to settle you. ‘Nothing like that, I just thought we could hang out for a bit. Watch a movie before bed?’

‘You sure?’

‘Yeah I just… I don’t wanna leave you yet like it feels weird to me’

‘It feels weird to me too’ you admitted shyly and your heart stuttered at his soft smile. ‘Listen, I’m just gonna have a quick shower, get changed and run upstairs for a water. You want me to get you anything?’

‘Why don’t you get us some snacks, I’ll let you pick’ he told you and with a final kiss to your forehead he let you go.

After your shower you found one of your nicer sets of pjs and you made your way upstairs but the sight in front of you made guilt rush through you. There was Ben, his face sat propped up on his fists as he leant against the counter and you could see how miserable he looked just from a glance.

You felt awful, you knew he hadn’t meant anything in a mean way earlier and when his eyes flickered over to yours you sent him a sympathetic smile.

‘You’re back’

‘Yeah we got back about fifteen minutes ago’ you told him as he sat up but he kept his eyes glued to the counter as he nodded his head and chewed on the inside of his cheek.

Without another word you made your way over to him, touching his shoulder so he’d turn a bit before pulling him into your arms. You felt him relax immediately as he held you tightly and you rubbed his back gently hoping to let him know everything was fine between you.

‘I’m so fucking sorry, y/n’ he told you quietly but you could hear the emotion in his voice and it was breaking your heart. ‘I honestly had no idea, I was just trying to have a bit of fun’

‘I know Ben. I know you didn’t mean it horribly and I’m fine I promise. I don’t tell people I can’t swim cause it’s a bit embarrassing but you didn’t know that’ you reassured him as you pulled away but kept your hands on his shoulders. ‘As for Mase I think he just got a bit scared but I’ve had a word with him. There wasn’t any need for him to speak to you like that’

‘It’s fine I deserved a telling off’ he smiled shyly and you couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. ‘You promise you’re alright?’

‘Fit as a fiddle’ you winked before walking over to the fridge. ‘I was more embarrassed than anything else. Like me, a full grown woman who can’t swim?’

‘Well if you fancy a lesson I can try and teach you. We can call it part of my apology’ he offered and even though you were petrified you wanted to do something to make him feel better.

‘You know what, I’ll take you up on that’ you laughed, shutting the fridge as you gathered your haul in your hands. ‘Let’s start in the morning’

‘It’s a deal’ he winked, a bright smile on his face and you felt better than you had all afternoon knowing you were fine.

‘I better take these down to his majesty’ you joked, motioning towards your full arms. ‘I’ll see you in the morning though, yeah?’

‘Course. Have a good night y/n’

‘You too’ you smiled and with a quick kiss to your cheek you both made your separate ways to your rooms. You didn’t bother knocking when you got to Mason's room, walking in so you could drop the snacks and drinks straight onto the bed but after you’d shut the door and finally caught sight of him, your mouth went dry.

He was lying horizontally across the bed on his side, flicking through the channels to find something to watch clad only in a pair of tight black Calvin’s. As soon as you made eye contact he sent you a sweet smile, shuffling up a bit straighter before patting the space in front of him and it felt like your heart was going a mile a minute as he helped you get settled. His warm skin pressed fully against yours as he tangled your legs together and wrapped his arm around your middle, but it was the light kiss pressed against your temple that made you blush harder than anything.

‘Comfy?’ He asked softly, lips right by your ear casing goosebumps to erupt all over your skin, you just hoped he wouldn't notice and when he didn’t say anything you just nodded and let him hit play.

It was a comfortable silence, but then again you were always comfortable around Mason. The pair of you munching your way through your snacks as you absentmindedly watched the film that was on until you felt him reach for his phone. Tapping away for a few minutes before he placed it back on the bed until you felt your own phone buzz on the side table.

‘I’d get that if I were you’ he told you quietly. Eyes not leaving the tv and you thought it was a bit weird of him but you didn’t question it. Reaching for it to see who it could be but you were surprised to find it was Mason trying to airdrop you something. The first thing looked like a picture of you taken from behind at a beach bar the other day and you felt your heart race as you pressed accept.

You weren’t prepared for what was coming through to you though. A full album of candid shots of yourself from nights out and day trips that Mason must have taken sneakily and you felt your whole body flush as you flicked through them. Seeing yourself through his eyes a little and you’d sworn you’d never felt more beautiful than right now.

‘Mason? What the hell is all this?’ You asked, looking up at him with a wide smile and you watched his cheeks turn the same shade of pink yours probably were.

‘Just some pictures I’ve taken this week that I thought you might like’ he told you. Trying to shrug it off but you knew he knew what he’d done was special to you. ‘I thought maybe you could use some for your daily instagram dumps you seem to love. Do you like them?’

‘I love them, thank you’ you told him. Pulling him towards you tighter and you shivered as he kissed your shoulder.

‘That's okay. I know the others were constantly asking the boys to take pictures and I didn’t want you left out. I’ve kept a few for myself though’ he teased. Making you laugh as you looked back up at him.

‘I suppose I’ll allow it’ you smiled. Reaching up to kiss his jaw before your eyes went back to your phone so you could look through them again and try and find your favourite but it didn’t take long for your eyes to go heavy. It had been a long and slightly stressful day and the warmth of Mason's body and the calmness that you felt about being around him was sending you to sleep quicker than anything. He must have felt it, moving you round so your front was now pressed against his chest with your head in his neck but you knew you couldn’t get too comfortable. Sleeping in the same bed was against the rules.

Not that you’d stuck to the rules at all today.

‘Just gimme five minutes and I’ll go to my room’ you told him quietly, the rumbling of his chest as he laughed waking you slightly but not too much.

‘Don’t be silly, stay here tonight’

‘But Mase-‘

‘But nothing. Just go to sleep, Muffin’ he whispered into your hair and you knew your skin was covered in goosebumps.

You didn’t say another word, just snuggled down further into him as he held you even closer. His hands absentmindedly stroking over your skin and lulling you further into sleep, the last thing you remember being his lips on your forehead as he pressed feather light kisses to your hairline.

When you woke up, you knew it wasn’t morning yet. The sky was a little lighter than when you went to sleep but your thoughts were confirmed when you quickly checked your phone and the time read 03:47am. You weren’t sure why you were awake but you quickly dashed to the loo, carefully untangling yourself from Mason as to not wake him but you saw his eyes open when you returned. You had been contemplating going back to your room but he opened his arms for you as you stood awkwardly and you couldn’t deny him.

‘Sorry, Mase. I didn’t mean to wake you’ you whispered, crawling back into his arms but you let him spoon you this time, smiling at the feel of his arms around you and his lips pressed to the base of your neck.

‘S’okay’ he whispered back, continuing to press small kisses over the bottom of your neck whilst he let his hands wander your body carefully and before long you could feel yourself getting turned on.

You weren’t sure if this was his intention or if he just wanted to feel you but you knew your breathing had gotten deeper as he began to massage over you waist and hips before finally taking your bum in his hands and you couldn't help but moan a little bit. Yes the pair of you had been touchy all day but you’d missed his hands on you like this and once he could hear how he was making you feel he started taking things to the next level.

It was your thighs next, hands reaching forward to massage them softly whilst he littered your neck with kisses and it wasn’t long before you felt him prodding you in the back which caused you to let out a little chuckle. ‘Shhhh’ he laughed, letting his hands travel inward to part them before hooking one up and over his body. Leaving you open for him to do as he pleased.

You felt you hips moving before you’d even realised, grinding your bum down onto him and the chuckle that left his lips would have almost left you embarrassed but you didn’t care. You just wanted to feel him again.

‘You just can’t wait can’t you, baby? So needy for me’

‘Please Mase’ you whimpered. Your spine tingling at him calling you baby but thankfully he didn’t want to make you work for it. Just as needy as you it seemed as he pulled your shorts from you and freed himself just enough to be able push himself into you. One arm wrapped around you to hold you close as the other hooked under your thigh to hold it up as he bucked his hips into you from behind and the kisses he was pressing to the back of your neck were driving you wild.

It was lazy and delicious, the pair of you taking it as slow as you could so you could just feel each other rather than chase your highs. Not having sex for the aim of getting off but just because it felt good to be pressed up against each other, to feel him rock his hips in and out of you just like he knew you loved whilst whispering the most heavenly praise in your ear.

You look so fucking beautiful

Feels like you were made for me, you know that?

Let me hear all those pretty noises you make. I don’t care if anyone hears us I wanna know how good you feel

You’re doing so well for me sweetheart

I’ve got you, let go for me gorgeous

When you’d finally come down from your high, you could still feel him pressing the most delicate kisses to the back of your neck until he was burying his face in there. Taking a huge breath like he was absorbing you in and couldn’t wipe the smile off your face.

The pair of you didn’t move, Mason just feeling heavier and heavier as he sunk into you even more. Falling straight back to sleep so you joined him knowing you’d hadn’t felt this content in the longest time.

y/n

liked by masonmount, carlywlms_, benchilwell and others

Y/n a day well spent 🩷

view comments

masonmount ✌🏻

y/n ✌🏻

declanrice that pizza look insane

y/n It was 👩🏻‍🍳😘 there’s a few slices in the fridge if you want some

carlywlms_ missed you this afternoon 💜

y/n I’ll be there to annoy you tomorrow 💜

okaylaaa omg the magnets 😩 @woody_ we need to get some before we go

y/n they had so many, it’s hard to choose 😭

woody_ I’ll take you tomorrow 😉

benchilwell 💛

y/n 💛

laurenfryer_ you didn’t want to show everyone your Spider-Man mug, no?

y/n I didn’t want to embarrass everyone else with my skills

lukeshaw23 tell Mase that’s not part of his meal plan

y/n It’s a one off treat 😉

masonmount let me tell you, I’ve had many treats this week 😌

__nads hope you’re having the best time 🩷 everyone’s asking after you 🥺

y/n thank you, i hope it’s okay going okay 😂

__nads sugar mumma is still standing 😉

masonmount can you post me up some brownies for when I get home please? Or just whatever’s left over tomorrow, I’m not fussy

y/n @__nads ignore him please 🙄

masonmount no no, she owes me

__nads I’m not getting involved in your domestic 😭

Tagged: @footiehoemcfc @prideofpd @yoursselo @chelseachilly @willow-writer-ivy @mm-vii @katharinanadiaa @mmountseb @carlottawllms @saltyheartnightmare @masonmtxo @harvestmount @chillymountsjess @treblebluesblog @pulisicsgirl @bluesswift @feelinglikeineedlotsofnaps

[maryleclerc]

𝐫𝐨𝐲𝐚𝐥, 𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐲/𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 — charles leclerc

prince!charles leclerc , princess!reader ; already divorce

summary: in which princess y/n decided to interview with royalty: in their own words after her divorce with prince charles leclerc. and her life after the divorce

au: this just an extra part of 𝐫𝐨𝐲𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐲, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭

warning: english is not my native language, use google translate. this is just a fanfiction, please do not take it seriously!

read all my royal series here

yourusername

Liked by lewishamilton, charlottesiine, arthur_leclerc and others

yourusername Spending the best time of my life with my bestiee, love you charlottesiin

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charlottesiine Love you too my bestie, wish you always be happy

⤷ yourusername 🥹❤️

vivianawllms Happy look great on you Y/n

finnhenry_ She looks so great after her divorce with Prince Charles Leclerc

hachii__ How are you feeling right now Y/n?

⤷ yourusername I’m feeling WONDERFUL ✨ thank you for asking 🤗

charles_leclerc

Liked by arthur_leclerc and others

charles_leclerc Although the issues between me and Y/n have been resolved amicably, I myself have been a husband, close friend and an important person to you and you’re also an important person to me. I want to write this letter to expressing gratitude and apology to you, Y/n for the hurt and loss during the past time. First of all, I would like to sincerely thank you to you for everything that you’ve done for me, our family, and secondly I want to sincerely apologize not being able to be there to support you while you was suffering from postpartum depression, and I also feel very sorry for having a relationship behind your back. Now to think back, I really didn't know what I was thinking back then at that time and did these illegitimate things, maybe I really didn't deserve the love and affection from you. In the end, the person who was hurt the most was Y/n, once again I would like to apologize to you from the bottom of my heart. And I also want to wish you a very happy life, Christian and I will always be there to support you in every decision you makes. You’re the best things that ever happened in my life, It’s my fault to not knowing how to kept my own happiness save. I still really love you 🤍 yourusername

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yourusername Thank you to you too Charles, I had alot of happy time with you…

penelope_jamess Well atleast he knows he has done a wrong things

charles_myprince Y/n, she does not deserved all of this shit to be happen to her. Even though I’m a Princes Charles Leclerc fan but I’m cannot believe what he had done to her.

hrhcharlesleclerc I just hope he truly realise what he had done

yourusername

Liked by charles_leclerc and others

yourusername It’s Christian time ✨

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billyjonas Are you with Prince Charles Leclerc?

⤷ yourusername Yea we decided to take Christian and his cousin to visit a strawberry farm today

arthur_leclerc Christian and Constantine, when did they get so close?

jeniferr They looks so cute together

montecarlo.royal

34,819,441 likes

montecarlo.royal Princess of Monte Carlo today celebrate The Monte Carlo Day. She wearing this elegant long brown dress, more attention to her earring belong to the late Queen Mother, Queen Mary to to commemorate the passing of the late Queen Mary of Monte Carlo.

They both seem very happy together at today ceremony after 2 years of their divorced.

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annafashion I really like the way she dresses, elegantly, luxuriously and aristocratic, always showing a pure beauty while exuding feminism.

y/nleclercc I wish that Y/n and Prince Charles Leclerc can be back together :(((

herikson_ She’s glowinggg 😩🥹

lillyhana This felt like a Princess Diana and Prince Charles, but it’s a Monte Carlo version of it

yourusername

Liked by pierregasly, charles_leclerc and others

yourusername Hello! I wanted to write this post to just to update some new things in my life after everything had happen. May some of you curious about the situation between me and Charles, and everything between us are fine now. Also there’s some rumour about my new relationship with Pierre.. How excited it is to confirm that I am now in a relationship with F1 driver Pierre Gasly, so it’s not a rumour anymore.

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gomezriiaz She’s dating Pierre Gasly, this is so insane 😩

jaqueengg Y’all stop talk shit about this relationship

kookook Look how happy she is, so freaking prettyyyy

philpp I don’t know how does Christian feel about this

wgebbn Cannot believe she’s move on this fast, just after 2 years?

⤷ mckayly wtf? What do expect? Wanted her to be crying her eyes out and begging Charles to take her back? 🙄 Y/n’s a strong women :))))

4 years later

royalbreakingnews

49,025,421 likes

royalbreakingnews [BREAKING NEWS 🚨] Today, the media discovered that after 6 years of divorced, Princess Y/n and F1 driver, Pierre Gasly also as known as the closest friend to Prince of Monte Carlo are now officially engaged and expecting their first child together. The couple appearence today at Prince Charles Leclerc of Monte Carlo niece infront of the palace where the Royal Ceremony held. Being ask about Christian felt about Pierre, Y/n said “He like Pierre alot and he also felt comfortable around Pierre, which make me so relief” Prince Charles also said if Y/n’s happy with him then he’s 100% support her relationship with Pierre.

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katherine Pierre Gasly, what?!!!.

f1pierregaslyy Hope he’ll not treat her the way Charles did, but still I don’t think it’s possible

yourusername

Liked by pierregasly, charles_leclerc and others

yourusername Welcome Agatha Perrie Gasly 🤍

Comments are limited

charles_leclerc Congratulation Y/n, Christian are so excited to meet his baby sister

⤷ yourusername Yea, he’s all excited like a fluffy ball running around with happiness haha

arthur_leclerc What a pretty name

⤷ yourusername Thank you to you for help us chose a name

pierregasly

Liked by yourusername and others

pierregasly My life would not be complete without you

Comments are turn off

[lolasimms]

a lots gonna change pt.9

Summary: Married life isn’t great, infidelity ensues, and things change

I’m all of you guys’ mother and I will continue to feed you, also please don’t hate me :)

next chapter

The past four months and a half had been torture for you, it was as if there was an ongoing battle occurring in your brain. You were stuck between a rock and a hard place. The question; "Should I stay or should I go" engrained itself in your head. When finally you'd decided to go through with the divorce.

You'd had the support from your family and friends who assured you that you were doing the right thing. You'd gotten yourself a place not too far from your ex, to ensure Lila wasn't far from her. You had Lila during the week, with Ellie occasionally taking her for weekends, just until your custody date was settled. You'd both come to a mutual agreement that the best thing for the two of you was to seperate. However Ellie still had moments in which she would spiral and try and get you to take her back, but you never complied.

Your sister Nara took it upon herself to fly out to come support you and you couldn't have been happier to have her with you. With the support of her, Joel, Dina and Jesse you felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders,like you wouldn't have to be doing it all alone anymore. You also began seeing a therapist, except this time it was on your own, her name was Francine, and she was the best piece of solace you'd had. She'd truly made you feel like you'd be able to heal from all the damage that had been done.

Work was a great distraction, at first Abby had kept her distance and respected your need for space. Until you'd realised she only wanted to be there for you. You'd let her in, little by little only wanting to take things slow. Nothing sexual had happened between the two of you, as you still didn't feel right being touched by anyone other than Ellie. For years she was the only person you'd grown accustomed to and it frightened you to think about letting anyone other than her in.

Going through with the divorce was difficult but you only wanted what was best for Lila, and that was ending the relationship between you and Ellie and beginning a healthy co-parenting one. You knew getting back with Ellie would only mean you'd be in a relationship where you struggled with trust issues and insecurity. You just wanted the two of you to remain civil. That was exactly why you had decided not to fight Ellie for full custody, you'd give her an equal opportunity to bond and build a relationship with her daughter.

-

You can just take a seat over here Ms. Y/LN."  You we're still growing accustomed to not going by Ellie's last name, yours sounding foreign. The attorney as motions to the chair on his right. You hesitantly take a seat, then steal a quick glance at Ellie who is sitting across from you, her lawyer is seated to her left.

"Alright, we may start the proceedings now, Mr. Reynolds would you like to start" her defence asks, as he looks up at your lawyer.

"Sure, as displayed here my client is set on joint custody, with no asks for alimony or spousal support, she want's this to be fair and easy"

Ellie looks up at you in relief and visibly relaxes in her seat. You steal a glance at her but quickly look to the floor, to avoid making any further eye contact. You were a nervous wreck, the lump in your throat making you feel the need to scratch yourself, bite your nails, anything to make time pass.

"Ok, well if that is the case, Mrs. Williams would like to have her daughter on Friday to Sundays, due to work scheduling, is that okay with the defendant?" You nod your head at your lawyer, and he proceeds.

"Yes, my client is okay with that, however I'd like to discuss the deeds of the house. The two of them bought this house with the intent of sharing 50-50 assets, her name is on the papers so how would the defendant like to settle that?" You finally bring your gaze up to see Ellie, who's eyes were already on yours. She was fidgeting with her wedding ring, which she was still wearing despite your divorce being finalised weeks ago.

"My client doesn't mind, Mrs. Williams says Y/n can have the house, after all she will be the primary caretaker of their daughter" her lawyer says and you finally take it upon yourself to be vocal.

"I don't want it" you say, voice low and barely above a whisper, and your attorney turns to you with a glare. "We talked about this Y/n, this is a great deal for you" he whispers and you shake your head.

"No, I'd like for her to keep it, and I want my name off of the papers" you say aloud, and Ellie's hands visibly tense. It was the first time in months she had heard you speak more than three words. You try fighting back tears, but of course they come, flowing freely down your face and you wipe them in embarrassment.

"Alright, then that's settles it, anything else you'd like to discuss?" Her defence asks and your lawyer shakes his head no. The both of them stand up and shake hands, and your lawyer walks you out of the room, to congratulate you.

-

"Thank you Mr. Reynolds, I'm glad you were able to make it as easy and as fast as possible" He smiles and pats your shoulders.

"Please, call me Matt and its what I do, I'm just glad you got your clarity" his phone begins to vibrate and he picks it out of his pocket to respond.

"Im, sorry Y/N but it's my sons school I've got to get going, but I'm glad everything worked out in your favour"

"Thats fine, and once again thank you so much for everything" you wave him goodbye as he speed walks down the steps of the courthouse and you are left standing there in the heat, as you wait for your sister to come pick you up.

"Y/n?" you know who's voice it is, never in a million years would your forget her voice, and immediately you tense up at the touch of her hand that was on your shoulder.

"Can we talk?" Ellie asks, and you promptly remove her hand from your shoulder, leaving her red from embarrassment.

"I said everything I needed to, inside there Ellie" you refuse to make eye contact with her and she sighs desperately. She wears a simple black suit, the button of her blazer was left unopened and she had cut her hair a tad bit shorter than usual.

"I'm sorry, I don't know how many times I have to say it but I truly am sorry, I love you Y/n" she whispers, with tears in her eyes.

"You lied to me Ellie, we went to therapy and the whole time you were lying to me, you made me feel like a fool"

"I was doing it for your own good, I thought what you didn't know couldn't hurt you" You scoff and take a step down the stairs, desperately needing some space.

"Yeah cause it was 100 times easier to hear of your infidelity from Amelia" you spit, with sarcasm, the disdain for her ex-lover evident in your voice.

"I- Y/n she didn't mean anyth-" she tries but you cut her off swiftly.

"Don't fucking lie to my face and tell me she meant nothing, cause I know she did" Ellie sighs in frustration and runs a hand through her hair.

"I'm sorry" she whispers again, for what felt like the 1 millionth time.

"You can say sorry as many times as you'd like but I won't forgive you. You got the house, you've got your sanity and you get to see Lila, just let me be." You say and before she can continue, you get a message from Nara telling you she was here.

"I'm leaving now Ellie, I hope you're happy"

-

"Why the fuck, did you let her take the house?" Your sister was grilling you as the two of you sat on the balcony of her hotel room, sipping on red wine.

"Nara, that house, I couldn't take even if I wanted to, the memories are just too much." You confess, as you glance at the view of the waterfront. Her words are tuned out as you gaze at the sailboats, as they paraded down the canal. One by one, they went and you watched in awe as the catamaran's glided on the dark blue body of water.

"Y/n?"

"Y/n?" Nara calls a second time, but you are entranced by the sailboats.

"I think I wan't to buy a catamaran" you blurt out, as you are broken out of your trance and she stares at you in disbelief.

"You hate the water" she laughs as she pours, more wine into your half empty glass and you bring it to your lips, taking a sip.

"People change" you mutter under your breath, she proceeds to put her hand in yours and the rest of your evening is spent in comfortable silence, indulged in glasses of wine, and the sound of crashing waves and friendly chatter from the hotel bar.

-

"Momma, when is mommy coming back?" Lila questions, from the sofa, where she was seated with a small brown doll in her lap.

Ellie looks up from her laptop, where she was completing some documents from work and swallows thickly. This was the part that you and her hadn't discussed, the part where you find the right thing to say to your 3 year old kid.

"Mommy's not coming honey, she'll come pick you up tomorrow" she shuts her laptop lid, and walks over to the sofa to sit with her.

"But mommy and momma sleep together and I sleep in my bed?" She mumbles, the young girl trying to piece together why her mothers had stopped sleeping in the same house and bed.

"Now mommy and momma sleep in their own beds, my love" Ellie soothingly rubs her back and lifts her into her lap. Where the rest of the movie they watch is complete in sheer silence. Lila falls asleep, on the sofa and she takes her up to the room, to sleep with her as she couldn't bare the feeling of being alone.

"I love you honey, when I'm awake and when I sleep, I love you" she whispers into her daughters hair, as she kisses her goodnight.

-

"Pink please, momma" Lila says as she holds her hand out. The two of them had been playing all afternoon and she couldn't have been happier. If it weren't for the time she got to spend with her daughter she wasn't sure she'd survive the separation.

"Here you go baby" Ellie immediately grabs the thick crayon and places it in the toddlers hand and she accepts it graciously.

"Ok, almost done, don't look yet" she says in a serious tone, and she knows to not look, as the last thing she needed was a tantrum from her sassy daughter.

"Pleaseee, can I look now?" She asks and Lila sighs dramatically and lifts the paper quickly to her chest.

"Ok fine, ready?" Ellie nods and when Lila turns the paper towards her with a nervous giggle.

"Wow... it's beautiful honey" She can feel tears brimming from her eyes and she has to fight to keep them from spilling. She had drawn a messy yet clear picture of the three of you holding hands. With the labels "Momma" "Mommy" and "Me".

"Do I get to keep it, baby?" She asks as she lifts her from the stool and pulls her into her embrace and she nods with a wide grin on her face.

Shortly after she had packed up the crayons and began to pack up her toys, Ellie was startled by a few knocks at the door. Lila perks up from the couch and runs over to the door and she has to speed walk to stop her from answering it.

"Mommy!" The toddler screams as she reaches her hands up for her mother and you instantly pick her up, showering her in kisses. She then notices her aunt and does the same, to which Nara pecks her cheek and smiles.

"Hi Y/n, Nara good to see you again" Nara ignores her and you mutter a simple "Hi" as you avoid eye contact, something you had started doing ever since the day you had found out about her cheating.

"Is her bag packed?" You ask and she mentally curses herself for forgetting that you'd be coming to pick Lila up so soon.

"Uhhh no, but I can do it real quick"

"It's fine, she'll get them next time" you trail off as you nervously look too your sister who nods. She looks at the both of you and you hand Lila to Nara.

"Lila say bye to your mom" Nara finally speaks and the young child kisses Ellie goodbye and is led off to the car by her aunt.

"Can we talk Ellie?" You ask and her heart rate speeds up, she's not sure if you had forgiven her, or if you had changed your mind on the divorce but she had positive hopes, as this was the first time since the split that you had asked to speak to her alone.

-

"So you bought a house?" She tries to make sense of your words.

"Yeah, it's not far from here so we don't have to drive too long and it's close to her preschool." She nods at your words and shifts uncomfortably, the silence killing the both of you.

"So I'll be coming back tomorrow to come pick up all my stuff, her stuff can stay here, I'll buy her new shit that'll stay at my place" you say.

"I wish you didn't have to do all of this, Y/n" she finally breaks her silence and you're left scoffing.

"I did this? That's rich coming from the person who cheated on me" you laugh maniacally as she looks at you in disbelief.

"I know, it's my fault. I can't even apologise because I know it won't make a difference but I won't stop fighting to get you back." You shake your head and get up, having had enough of her words.

"I mean it Y/n I'm not going to stop until I get you back"

"Good luck with that Ellie"

-

Abby was in her office when she'd gotten a text from your personal contact. You'd never texted her from your personal phone before so she was surprised. The past few months the two of you had spent friendly time together. She knew you'd wanted space, to take things slow, so she gave you exactly that. She didn't want to screw her only chance up.

'Can you come to my office please, it's urgent.'

She was worried something had happened so immediately she got up and rushed to your office down the hall. She knocked on the door and heard a light "Come in" As soon as she entered you'd gotten off of your seat walking towards her. You grabbed her face down towards yours and began kissing her fervently. She was stuck in place, not believing if this was real or she was dreaming. You were desperately clawing at her biceps, pulling her towards the sofa that was against your office wall.

"What's this about?" She mumbles into your mouth as you push your tongue into her mouth, grinding against her vigorously.

"It's a celebration, I'm a free woman and I think it's time I let you fuck me" Her stomach lurches at your words and she can't help but let out a hard moan.

"Should we be doing this here, what if someone comes in" she smiles as she unbuttons your satin blouse, peppering kisses against your neck.

"We can discuss all the ways that this is wrong after you've thoroughly fucked me" you don't know what's gotten into you, but you needed to feel her inside you or else you’d combust.

You were tired of waiting. Ellie had had her fun for five months straight, so why couldn't you? You'd waited until your divorce, kept Abby hanging but that was not how things were going to go now. It was finally time you focused on what was good for you.

taglist;

@moonlightdivine @maybe-cece @macaroni676 @sawaagyapong @katiemars @ellieseater @dakota-dream @joliettes @hebrokeimup @bratydoll @wakasaaa @catostrophiclesbian @l0v3e1i @dinas-a-bird

[thefallennightmare]

Arranged-twenty one[end]

credit to whoever made the gif. found on google/pintrest.

Pairings: Mob!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: language, smut, angst, fluff, mentions of death.

Summary: Reader would do anything to make her parents happy and that included agreeing to an arranged marriage. She never expected it to be to one of New York's most feared Mob Boss: Bucky Barnes. He is anything but loving towards Reader however when her parents are mysteriously killed, Bucky makes it his mission to find out who were at fault. And in the process, ends up coming close to losing Reader.

Authors Note: WOW! I truly cannot believe how huge this story was going to get when I first started to write it weeks ago. It brought me a huge following and some lovely lovely people I can see calling friends. Thank you everyone for every amazing thing you've commented or reblogged. One mob story end, another begins!

Tags(closed): @alexxavicry @mdpplgtz03 @broadwaybabe18 @samsgirl93 @cherryflavoureds-blog @findthebeautyinbreakdowns @capsgrantrogersclqrosmgc @loumaaria-blog @queerqueenlynn @pampeop @cjand10 @purplerain85 @savannahcole99 @evanstanhoney @sebastianstansqueen @portrait-ninja @honeyglee @saranghaey @almosttoopizza @lilya-petrichor @valsworldofcreativity @buckycallsmeaslut @romanoffjohansson @themayzittcha @sapphiredreamer26 @buckybarnessimpp @itjustkindahappenedreally @mavrellover91 @esoltis280 @playboystark @legendarytrashcopeclipse @pansexual-4-all @elizacusi-blog @dnc331 @tee-swizzle @lovsalpkn @yourfavunsub @madebylilly @cerberusmybeloved @lclove2012-blog @onelmstreetett @tesseract69 @monique2281 @wayward-gypsy @wholesomewhorelol @ozwriterchick @pono-pura-vida @bogwaterswamp @s0urw00lf @daydreaming-mood @maggiemae5 @big-heart-ninjasblog @alexa4040 @screaming-les-bean @loustan90 @buckys2lut​ @marnle

Arranged Masterlist

I sat on the front porch of my home, slowly rocking the in chair, a blanket and book perched on my lap. The noises of the waters slamming against the rocks from the river in front of me and the birds singing their nightly songs had brought me a sense of solace. Even if it had been like this for some time, it never got old. 

For the first half during my time here, I ended up bouncing from hotel to hotel but needed a sense of stability and with some of the money I earned from my parents' will, I bought a decent sized cottage on a large piece of land in Washington. 

My soul felt happy, at peace, here while my heart would break even more with each day that passed, knowing that Bucky was so far away. 

It was my own choice but that didn’t make it any easier. 

Almost every day, I wondered what he had been up to or who he had been seeing. We both decided that we would stay married during this time apart but I couldn't help but question what he did when he felt lonely. I never thought he would find himself in the arms of another, there were moments that proved to me I was the only one for him; the ring of my left hand was one of those. 

But that didn’t change the fact that he couldn’t tell me the three words that I had been silently begging him to say. 

I thought that with my time away that it would be easy to not think of Bucky but he would be my first thought when I woke up and last thought before my eyes fluttered shut for the night. 

There had been many times that I thought of going back to see him but knew that I would revert back to who I was before. The move to Washington was the best decision I had made and no one or nothing could make me go back to New York. 

The last time Bucky and I spoke had been a few weeks ago where he offered to send Steve out to make sure I was safe. The two best friends couldn’t help but worry about my safety out here because we were unsure if some of John’s mens who survived that night would seek revenge for me killing him.

It had been six months and I had yet to run into any issues. 

At the thought of Steve, I couldn’t help but frown as I checked my phone to see if he had returned my text. 

I’m glad you’re safe. There had been some talk about someone else taking over John’s position. No word on revenge or not. 

With a sigh, I quickly typed my response back to Steve. 

Wonderful. Keep me updated?

I sat up from my chair with a groan, bones cracking back into place, and decided to turn in for the night.

Footsteps echoed on my porch, the old wood creaking with each step. I woke with a loud gasp and sat up in bed, sweat clinging to my body. I hadn’t had that nightmare in so long but since Steve had mentioned someone new had taken over John’s position, I could help but fear revenge coming to take my life. That nightmare wasn’t what woke me up tonight; those footsteps were. 

Flash images of John’s lifeless body at my feet clouded my vision and I squeezed my eyes tight, hoping that would block it out. 

I held the blanket close to me as I strained my ears to hear if there were any other movements coming from outside of my front door. Heavy footsteps pounded right outside my window and I slipped deeper into my bed, phone clenched tightly to my ear. 

He picked up in the middle of the first ring. 

“Doll?” 

His thick, tired, voice brought a sense of comfort, only for a moment because I felt guilty for waking him. It was only eleven in the evening here which meant it was two in the morning in New York. 

“I think someone’s trying to break into my house, Bucky” I whispered. 

There was some rustling on his end. “Are you alright?” 

I nodded even though he couldn’t see. “Yeah but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t freaked out.” 

“Look out the window and tell me what you see.” 

I took a deep breath and quietly trekked over to my window and as I peered through the curtains, the culprit of the heavy footprints had its back to me as it was digging in the trash. 

I mentally smacked myself when I realized that I had been scared of a bear that had made its way to my house because of the garbage I had forgotten to throw away. 

“Y/N?” 

Bucky’s worried voice brought me back and I sighed into the phone. 

“It was a fucking bear,” I grumbled. 

He chuckled deeply and it caused the corner of my mouth to curl in a smile. 

“Well, I’m glad that I brought you some hilarity in the middle of the night. I’ll let you get back to sleep,” I sighed, ready to hang up. 

“No, wait,” Bucky seized his laughter. “I want to talk.” 

I climbed back into my bed. “Really?” 

“Yeah, how have you been?” 

“Good,” I nodded. “Besides getting woken up by a bear eating my trash.” 

We shared a laugh now. 

“I miss hearing your laugh,” Bucky admitted. 

I bit my lip. “I miss you.” 

Bucky’s breath caught in his throat. “I miss you too, doll.” 

My fingers began to pull at a loose string that had started to become undone on my blanket. 

“I would love to see you soon. If that's alright? I can send my jet to fly you back home.” 

Home. 

I didn’t want to tell him that this was my new home now. I wasn’t going to leave it yet. 

“You’re not mad at me anymore?” I wondered. 

“I was never mad at you, Y/N. I understand why you wanted to leave but I wish I could have done something to make you stay.” 

“There was something you could have done. I even asked that of you,” I reminded him. 

With the deep sigh that came through the phone, I could almost see Bucky pinching his eyes shut. 

“I can't leave. This gang has been in my family line for generations.”

“What about me?” I shrugged. “Don’t I matter enough to you?” 

“Of course you do.” 

I scoffed. “Just not enough to love me.” 

“Doll,” Bucky started. 

“I don’t even know why I’m wasting my breath on this anymore. You know I love you and I guess that’s all that matters. I really hope that you realize how you feel soon otherwise tell me so I’m not being strung along.” 

“We’re married, aren't we?” 

“That doesn’t mean you love me, Bucky.” 

More rustling on his end with some whispering in the back. My brows knitted in confusion while my heart fell to my ass, afraid to ask. 

“Is someone there?” 

“Steve. He’s been staying here lately.”

“Oh,” I breathed.

Before I could question it even more, Steve’s voice came through the speaker. 

“Bucky doesn’t want to admit it but he’s afraid to sleep in this giant house by himself.” 

I smiled. “So you two have been having sleep overs? How cute.”

“Except Steve’s a blanket hog.” 

Steve’s remark shouted through the phone. “At least I’m not an ice box.” 

“Wait,” I sat up straighter in bed with ears perked at the mere thought. “Have you two been sharing a bed?” 

Bucky scoffed. “We’re joking, doll. What were you thinking?” 

Heat flushed over every inch of my skin at the suggestive tone from Bucky. 

“Well now that I’ve embarrassed myself once again, I’m going to sleep.” 

“When can I see you?” Bucky questioned.

I sighed. “I don’t know, Bucky. I’ll admit it was nice talking to you tonight but it’s not on my shoulders to fix things.” 

“I’m sorry for all the lies, Y/N. I really am.” 

“I know. But apologies only go so far.” I reiterated. 

Bucky sighed and I knew he wanted to talk about this more but I had said everything I needed to. It was up to him now. 

“Maybe I’ll call you tomorrow night. Who knows, there could be a racoon that's eating my trash this time,” I joked.

Bucky laughed at the sound of it, my heart fluttered and I couldn’t wipe the stupid smile off my face. 

“I’d like that.” 

“Goodnight, Bucky.” 

“Goodnight, doll.” I could hear the smile in his voice. 

I wheeled the suitcase to the front door, triple checking I had everything I needed for this weekend trip. My feet scattered throughout the house when I realized that my keys were missing, the fear of missing my flight being etched in my bones. 

This was a last-minute decision. I had bought the plane ticket two hours ago after ghosting my computer mouse over the ‘purchase’ button for what seemed like forever. There were so many reasons why I shouldn’t go and I considered every single one. But the one reason why I should go is what made me finally click the button. 

I love him and miss him. 

Two days.

That’s all I allowed myself to stay with Bucky before returning back. Secretly, I hoped that this time together would make him realize how much I meant to him. 

It might have been selfish of me to leave by Sunday night but I didn’t care. After our phone call last night, I couldn’t stop thinking of him. I needed to see him, feel him, smell him. I didn’t care what; I just needed to be around him. 

I kept telling myself that it was love, which it was, but there was a small sliver of it being lust. 

“Fucking finally,” I beamed after I found my keys in the couch. 

I threw the door open, ready for the weekend ahead, but my feet came to a halt when my eyes landed on the man who stood in front of me, hand raised ready to knock. 

My pupils widened with surprise, not expecting to see him in front of me. 

“Hey, doll,” the corners of his smile reached his eyes, the skin around them crinkled. 

“Bucky,” I breathed. “What are you doing here?” 

His hair had grown a bit since I left and the ends of it blew in the wind. I had the urge to walk into his embrace but held it at bay. 

He looked at me with desperation in his eyes as he let out a deep breath. “You wanted to know how I feel about you, right?” 

My heart soared but I didn’t allow it to get ahead of itself, not knowing where Bucky was leading with this so all I did was nod. 

 “I gave it up,” he shrugged.

I tilted my head with confusion. “Gave what up?” 

“The mob, the mansion, everything.” 

My eyebrows reached the top of my forehead. “You did?” 

Bucky nodded. “After we hung up last night, I couldn’t stop thinking about you and how much I fucking missed you. I needed to see you.” 

His eyes landed at the suitcase in my hand and looked at me with something glimmering in his eye. 

“I was coming to see you.” I admitted. 

He chuckled. “I’m glad I made it here when I did.” 

I shifted on my feet. “So you gave everything up? For what? I thought it was important to you because of it being in your family for generations.” 

“You,” Bucky admitted. “You're my family now. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize but the only thing I need is you, Y/N.” 

I sighed, ready to explain that I already knew this, but he cut me off by crashing his lips to my own. Instantly I melted into his embrace, the familiarity of how he tasted made me moan into his mouth, which caused Bucky to wrap his arms around my back. My hands snaked behind his neck and my fingers began to play with the new length of his hair. 

His tongue brushed against my bottom lip and I parted my lips so he could deepen the kiss. I gave his bottom lip a little nip and tug which caused Bucky to grasp my hips, vibranium fingers leaving little love bruises. 

As we pulled away, he rested his forehead against mine and stole another quick kiss. 

“I love you.”

My heart leaped and my insides exploded at hearing those words. 

I leaned back slightly. “What did you say?” 

Another deep but quick kiss to my lips. “I love you, doll. I knew it from the second you barged into my office that first day. I never wanted to admit it to myself because I never thought I was worthy of having someone love me the same, given who I am.” 

I cupped his cheek, the pad of my thumb brushing across his bottom lip. 

“In our short time together, you made me realize that I am worthy of having someone to love and I’m so glad it’s you.” 

“I know that in the beginning it seemed like it was only for this agreement between our fathers but trust me when I tell you that I never thought of it since that first day,” Bucky said.

He continued. “I wanted to tell you six months ago when you were packing to leave but I knew how selfish that would have been. You needed this time away to mentally heal from what happened with your parents and John. I couldn’t hold you back from that.” 

I placed a chaste kiss on his chin. “Thank you.”

Bucky responded with another kiss to my lips. “I love you, Y/N Barnes.” 

The butterflies in my stomach fluttered to life, hearing him say those words for what felt like the first time again, and I wrapped my arms tighter around him in an embrace. 

“I love you too, Bucky.” 

He left a kiss on the top of my head. “So, are you going to show me around our new place?” 

I looked up at him with a hopeful gleam in my eyes. “Does that mean we’re staying in Washington?” 

“Doll, I’ll stay with you wherever you want to go.” 

We sealed that promise with another fiery kiss as I allowed Bucky to lead me into our house, the door closing behind us. 

[egirling]

one direction.

i think i’m still grieving what happened; ever since liam has passed there’s not been a single day where i haven’t thought about the 5 boys that overtook my life when i was 12. i was a diehard fan, still am. if it wasn’t for them; i wouldn’t of met my closest friend. they had such an impact on my life and i genuinely cannot process what happened.

i never thought that i would be this sad at a member passing; but i also think that i never ever thought to fully understand that it’ll happen one day. i handle death well but for some reason this death has struck me.

as a 24 year old, i feel for the 12 year old girl who started liking them. who had her walls covered in posters, wrote fanfiction, ran a 1D fan page on facebook and twitter, the one who cried when zayn left and when they all unfortunately split away from the band. i remember the little girl who would get salty when people typed ‘1d’ instead of of ‘1D’, the girl who stayed up late to watch songs be released, the girl who truly thought these 5 guys were the best thing to happen to her.

i remember listening to up all night and getting sad when stole my heart came on; because i knew the album was ending. but luckily i was fortune enough to own the physical album so i could just rewind it. i did that for years since i never owned another album on cd.

i also feel for that little girl; i remember being sad when i saw people attending 1D concerts knowing i never got the opportunity to as a child. as an adult; sure but… a reunion is unspoken for currently. i get sad when i realize that i’ll never see 5/5 live, but i saw a tiktok comment saying that i at least experienced the fandom at its prime and that i lived during it, and that’s enough for me to feel a connection to them. it makes me feel better.

i know that death is natural and happens to everyone, but i was not expecting to handle the loss of someone i worshiped as a child. i know he’s just a celebrity, would never know i existed and all of that but genuinely this has struck me in a way i never expected. it’s like part of my childhood has been torn away from me; like my younger self is heartbroken by liam and what happened. (maybe this has to do with the trauma ive dealt with in my life? but that’s something i gotta discuss with my psychiatrist.)

1D and all the members will always have a spot in my heart and soul for the chapter of my life that they were in, i’m genuinely so grateful for them in multiple ways. i remember when little things came out and that was in my peak of my self harming, and hearing them sing about things i hated about myself struck me when i was younger. obviously, when i was a child it felt more personal compared to being an adult, but it still helped. i don’t think i self harmed for awhile after that song.

i love the fact that i got to experience them as a band, and the fact that im living in a life with their solo careers as well. i’m ever so proud of them and how they’ve grown.

as for liam, i do miss him as weird as it might be. i never knew him, never would but he was … almost a positive influence on me and my younger self. i didn’t have much direction growing up, but i knew listening to their songs or watching videos of them that i would feel content. an escape maybe.

i don’t know. i can’t sleep and it’s almost midnight and i needed to get this off my chest. i think i just needed to vent and say my peace and words to accept what’s happened.

this blog started as a 1D blog 💀

i know there’s millions of fans who are deeply affected by this as well, and if anyone even reads this i just want you to know your feelings and thoughts are completely valid, grief affects everyone differently. he was a huge part of life for MANY people out there. take care of yourself. listen to some songs and cry; everything will be okay.

(i don’t think i can do this 4 more times)

there’s a day i’ll be older than him and that’s weird… i don’t like that thought. it was never supposed to be that.

i would like to believe that liam is content wherever he is right now.

all the love, sarah / egirling

[stuffeddeer]

hello deery, back like i promised lmao

as much as i love silly goofy buddy dazai, deluded possessive and lowkey scary dazai is my fav 🙏 he's such a silly guy with reader, then turns right around and destroys their entire life. then hes like :O omg thats so horrible, so what im hearing is you have more time to spend with me? seeing as all your friends left for reasons unknown, your family wont even look at you. but dw, i'll never leave :)

BWHAHA im not good at this stuff, but your characterization of dazai is my fav in general, such versatility, we love to see it

have a great day :D

-🩵 anon

HES MY least FAVE TOO ugh 🩵anon you get me

“I’m sorry, lovely. That’s so horrible…” Dazai’s knuckles softly rub against your jaw, his skin soothing you as you try to halt your tears.

“It just— ” you hiccup, “ —just feels like everyone’s leaving me!”

The brunet pulls you closer, practically sitting in his lap as his hands move around your torso. “Shh, shh…” He gently wipes away your remaining tears, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “I’m here, aren’t I?”

You let out an embarrassed chuckle before nodding. “You’re the only one. Not even my boss wanted me around, I can tell. It’s like she was waiting for me to mess up so she could fire me.”

“That’s not true…”

“How would you know?” The words were genuine, like you were looking for him to explain that it was the work of fate or your shitty coworker you always complained about.

Well, it's because Dazai was the one to get you fired. Your boss was too fond of you, something he simply couldn't have. Plus, work hours always took up your time, time that should be spent with him. Honestly, you didn't need a job, anyway: Dazai would be happy to provide for you and make you dependent on him.

Instead of explaining any of this, he pressed another kiss to your head before pulling you in for a tight hug. “You’re a hard worker. And you’re a wonderful person. If none of your friends want to be in your life, well, I do. So I guess you’ll just have to spend time with me.”

It’s his attempt at lightening the mood, you’re sure of it. A chuckle passes your lips before you can stop it, shifting in his hold so you can hug him back just as tightly. “You’re all I have, so now you’re stuck with me.”

“That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

oh he’s the worst i need him

he’ll cradle you so sweetly, telling you alllll the good things about yourself!!!

n when you get all confident and hey! maybe you are good enough, maybe you should look into making new friends! ones that won’t leave you so easily 🙄

well,

he’s there to remind you just how heartbroken your last ones left you. your very own flesh and blood cut you out so easily! maybe dazai is the only one who can truly love you for who you are.

he’s not saying it to be mean! he just wants you to know what you’re getting yourself into. he’s always been so smart, too…. well, you guess he’s right.

if you’re a bit more stubborn or masochistic, maybe you don’t gaf!!! put you back in the ring you wanna try again!!!!!

ugh. okay. i mean, dazai did so much for you... y’know, when you lost your job and he insisted let you move in with him, dazai was trying to be a good friend, but... whatever, if you don’t need him anymore than you can just get your own place. oh, you still haven’t found a job? well, since you’re so sure of yourself, you can just get a new one. you can be out by tomorrow, right? you know dazai would’ve liked to go out and make friends during the time he’s been working to keep a roof above the both of your heads and keeping you company after everyone left you. maybe he’s starting to see why they did, since you’re so selfish— 

...

you decided not to go out!

that’s probably when he realizes he should begin moving your relationship along a bit quicker. he’ll flirt with you in the exact way he knows you respond to best (whether that's words of affirmation, teasing, physical touch, etc); he'll bring you back pastries and cute trinkets he saw on his way home from work… his courting is a little eerie, bc he also acts like you two are already dating???? "you're staying in my home, of course i assumed we'd be having dinner tonight. i even learned to cook your favorite— " like he 100% just assumes shit but it always works out bc . well, what else were you doing?

this includes sharing a bed btw. he probably started w having you take his and he takes the couch (a true gentleman) and then maybe he gets another bed and makes a guest room for you... but, well, since you both are so close and it's so cold in his apartment, maybe you can just spend one night with him? It Was Not One Night

if you catch on and reciprocate, oh he's over the moon!!!! his love giving him affection? oughhh.. you're staying in his room in his arms and he's just breathing you in, reminding himself you're still there... it'd be actually kinda sweet if he didn't orchestrate this whole thing

if you catch on (or don't lmao) and deny him? .............

desperate times desperate measures or whatever they say

he locks you in his room for mandatory cuddles, will not give you food if you stick to one side of the room and refuse to let him hold you, he starts pulling away and spewing words he knows will hurt you so you feel so alone and unloved only to turn around and love bomb you.... it's horrific tbh

i'm so sorry . just... go along w it for now pls ❤️

also i mentioned that he'd bring up how you don't have a job and he's the one working hard to pay for your expenses but he's just being a brat. he caught you looking at help wanted ads one time and pretty much cried in your lap about how upset he is that you don't feel his care is adequate enough and only stopped when you promised not to get another job

he's gross :( get out of there

[pedroscurls]

chance encounters | pt 6.

character(s): Benny Miller, Will “Ironhead” Miller, Santiago “Pope” Garcia, Frankie “Catfish” Morales, fem!Reader summary: During your unconsciousness, a familiar face visits you and helps you come to your senses. word count: 2k a/n: Thank you to everyone that's stuck around and invested in this story. It truly was very cathartic for me and helped me deal with my own grief. Hope you all enjoyed. warnings: Brief mentions of drug use. series masterlist | ultimate masterlist

“You got your ass kicked.” Your best friend is smiling at you, arms crossed over his chest and with a knowing look. You don’t know if this is real, but it certainly feels like it is. You feel tears sting your eyes because he’s right in front of you and you want to reach out to him, but afraid that if you do, he’d be gone. That whatever this is will disappear and you’ll wake up, disappointed and alone.

“You– You’re not here.” you whisper, looking up at him. “You died and–”

“Well, no shit.” He chuckles. “You passed out. Why didn’t you just tap?”

It feels so real. He looks so real. 

“I didn’t want to quit.”

“But having someone choke you out was better?”

“You left me!” you shout, lower lip quivering as all of the pent up emotions begin to surface. “Y–You promised we’d grow old together, have families… You weren’t supposed to leave.” 

You can see his eyes soften, can see his arms begin to reach out for you, but you take a step back. You don’t want this to end so fast. 

“I’ve been a goddamn mess since you died.” Tears begin to stroll down your cheeks and you’re so overwhelmed with emotion that you feel your body shaking. Whatever this is has got to be your subconscious making this feel like it’s real when it’s not. 

“I know…”

“I can’t– I can’t move forward. I’m fucking stuck. Everywhere I look, I’m reminded that you’re no longer here. I can’t…”

He calls your name so softly that it makes you stare up at him. Then, he reaches out to pull you into a hug and you let out a shaky breath when you feel his arms wrap around you. It feels so goddamn real. 

“I don’t blame you,” he whispers. “What happened was meant to happen.”

“I should’ve–”

“Stop,” his arms tighten around you. “Stop dwelling on what happened, what didn’t happen. I’m sorry…”

“I should be sorry,” you interrupt him. “I should have been there for you. I should have–”

He sighs and pulls back to look down at you. Whatever this is, wherever you are, you don’t want to leave. Right here, with him, is where you’re supposed to be. You can’t fathom the idea of waking up only to realize that this was all a dream, that this was just a figment of your imagination, that this wasn’t real.

“No,” he says. “I wasn’t the greatest friend and I chose someone else over you. I shouldn’t have done that, and I’m sorry. I know you were just trying to look out for me. I’ve never once blamed you for keeping your distance, for putting up a boundary.” Then, he touches your cheek and you lean into his touch, tears stinging your eyes again. “You can get through this… You’re the strongest person I know.”

“But what if I can’t? What if I don’t want to?”

“You can, and you do.” He says matter-of-factly. “You have those group of guys… They seem like great guys. Stop pushing them away. Especially the one with the curls.”

“Frankie,” you whisper. 

“Yeah, him. But all of them seem to want to be there for you, but they don’t want to push you. Why can’t you let them in?”

“Because I don’t want to lose anyone else,” you admit. 

“That’s part of life,” he sighs. “It was my time to go… Everything happens for a reason–”

“But what the fuck?” you interrupt. “I can’t find a reason why I had to lose you.” 

“Maybe you don’t need to. Maybe you shouldn’t.” Your best friend pulls you back into a hug and yet again, it feels so real. “You will be okay. I promise. You will get through this.”

—

You start to come to, slowly blinking as you stare up at the ceiling. The lights are dim, but you can hear the beeping from the machine next to you. You look down at yourself, noticing that you’re in a hospital gown and then immediately feel the pain across your body. You begin to sit up, only to be stopped by Frankie. He’s gentle, eyes so soft and yet filled with concern. 

“Is he– Where is he?” you whisper quietly, looking around the room and seeing Benny, Will, and Santiago sitting in the corner. You don’t see your best friend and your heart breaks all over again. You shut your eyes, trying to force yourself back to sleep, trying to force yourself back to where he was. 

“Where’s who?” Frankie asks.

You shake your head slowly and look down at Frankie’s hand resting on yours. “I got my ass kicked,” you say, changing the subject. 

“You did,” Benny says, standing up and walking towards your bed. “You didn’t tap. Why didn’t you fucking tap?” 

“I don’t give up.”

“Well, that’s a shitty reason. You passed out because you chose not to tap. You’re not fighting for a while.”

“Okay.” 

Benny’s taken aback. He didn’t think that you would agree so easily and he was expecting some push back, but is surprised that you didn’t have at least something to say. 

“Doc said you’ll be okay,” Santiago says with a sigh. He walks over to you, eyes just as soft as Frankie’s. “But, are you okay?”

“No,” you mumble. “I’m not,” you admit. Tears begin to sting your eyes and you turn your head to grip Frankie’s, tightening it ever so slightly. “Can I– Can I have some space?”

The guys, including Frankie, nod and begin to walk towards the door but you keep a tight grip on Frankie’s hand. “Can you stay?”

“Yeah,” he says softly. “Of course.” 

“We’ll be right outside,” Will calls out, the rest of the guys giving a single nod in Frankie’s direction. 

Once the door shuts, Frankie sits at your bedside and keeps a tight hold on your hand. You don’t look in his direction yet, eyes still staring up at the ceiling as tears begin to trickle at the corner of your eyes and strolling down your cheeks. “I saw him.” 

“Him? Who?”

“My– My best friend. I’m not sure it was real, but it felt like it.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Frankie hesitantly reaches out to wipe the tears that had fallen, his thumb grazing your cheek. 

You lean against his touch and nod slowly, turning to face him. “I feel stuck,” you admit quietly. “I don’t– I don’t know how to move forward. I don’t know how to continue this life without him and I’m having a hard time. I thought I saw someone that looked like him a few weeks ago and my entire world stopped… I knew I shouldn’t have taken that fight, but I just felt–” you take a deep breath and grip his hand. 

“I know,” Frankie says quietly. “I know, hermosa.” He sighs and leans forward, bringing your hand gently to his lips, letting it rest against the back of your hand. “I’ve been where you are right now. Shit, we all have, but I struggled the most.” He begins, moving his eyes away from yours and staring down at the bed. “I– I used drugs to escape, to not have to deal with what I was feeling, to just… To just not be here.” 

Your eyes immediately shift over to him and you slowly move to your side, eyes staring at him. You knew that he and the guys had dealt with a lot of loss, a lot of grief and you always envied their ability to just continue living their life, but you didn’t realize that they had worked through it. But hearing Frankie admit his unhealthy habits, it doesn’t take you by surprise. You used fighting to escape. You took a fight that you weren’t ready for to punish yourself. 

“Frankie…”

“I’m okay. I’m okay now,” he continues. “But for a while there, I was lost. I was stuck,” Frankie looks up at you. You can see the vulnerability in his eyes; he was baring his entire soul to you. “It took me a while to accept the help, but in the end, I’m where I’m at now because of those guys. We don’t ever want to push you, but you have to know… You have to realize that we care about you, so fucking much.”

“I don’t– I don’t know how to accept the help, Frankie. I can’t lose anyone else…”

“I can’t promise you that we’ll live forever.” The corner of his lips lift slightly. “But I can promise that for the time we have, we’ll be right here. I will be right here… And just know that we’ll be here when you’re ready. You’re our girl, hermosa…”

You then sit up in your hospital bed and release his hand, only to wrap your arms around his shoulders. When you feel his strong arms wrap around your frame, you bury your face against the side of his neck and quietly sob into him. Frankie tightens his hold on you, using one hand to rub your back as he allows you to let out all of the pent up emotions. 

“You’ll be okay, hermosa,” he whispers. “You’ll get through this.” 

“Can– Can you call the rest of the guys in here?” 

Frankie nods, pulling away to look down at you. “Of course. Be right back.” 

You sit up in bed and let out a quiet sigh. After a few seconds, Frankie walks back inside with the rest of the guys in tow. Santiago, Will, and Benny all walk towards your bedside and it’s Benny that breaks the silence first. 

“I’m sorry,” he says with a sigh. “I should’ve been more stern and not let you take that fight. I knew you weren’t ready and–”

“Benny, stop. It was my fault. I threatened to go to a different gym. I know– I know you were just looking out for me.” You look up at him and see his blue eyes staring deeply into yours. You can see the guilt written all over his features, so you reach out and take his hand. “I’m sorry for… everything.” 

“You don’t have to apologize–”

“Just,” you sigh quietly. “I wanted to feel the pain, wanted to hurt because I felt like I abandoned my best friend. That maybe if I didn’t abandon him, he’d still be alive,” you whisper, looking around the room to the rest of the guys. “You’ve all been patient with me… You’ve all been there by my side and–” You feel your breath catch in your throat as you shut your eyes, releasing Benny’s hand to place your own on your lap. 

“I’m too scared to lose you guys,” you admit out loud. “I don’t– I don’t want to lose any of you.”

“You won’t lose us,” Santiago replies softly. “We’re here. We’re not going anywhere.”

“And we understand your fear,” Will adds. “Understand that getting close to someone opens up to the possibility of getting hurt if something happens, but we can’t… That isn’t a way to live.” He looks down at you and bites the inside of his cheek. “We all found our way back,“ he continues. “And we’ll be here to help you find yours.” 

Tears continue to trickle down your cheeks and you look between the four of them, a sense of security and safety and love washing over you. 

“You’re our girl,” Benny repeats. 

“That’s right,” Santiago says. 

“We won’t let you fall,” Will adds.

“And we won’t ever leave your side,” Frankie finishes. “As long as you’ll have us.” 

You nod, finally feeling the walls you set up around yourself beginning to break down. The four of the guys lean down to give you a hug, feeling their strong arms around you. 

For the first time since losing your best friend, you feel like things can be okay. It may take a while, but you feel like you can get there. 

With Benny.

With Santiago.

With Will.

And with Frankie.

—

END.

[expatesque]

Monthly Recap - Nov

Second round of this, under the cut

Read

Mansfield Park, Jane Austen - Do not recommend, was decent in the start but a slog by the end. Fanny is the most insipid protagonist I’ve come across in Jane by a mile, truly wishing her the worst.

Death in the Clouds, Agatha Christie - a top notch Poirot, very fun and twisty.

The absolute drama around Yellow Bittern has been so jokes, Vittles as ever had a great take

Ann Helen Peterson on how to show up for friends (meh, some interesting suggestions, very American oriented) and whether the kids are too soft (oriented towards journalism but a good question to be asking in any industry).

So much about the last 6 months of the economy (tuned out for my gardening leave, now have to catch up).

Watched

This month included Halloween so we had Practical Magic (an absolute must watch for the season for me), Beetlejuice (first time watching, more entertaining than I thought it would be), and I Married a Witch (the second you see Veronica Lake in this you understand why someone would risk their eternal soul and stay married to her)

A lot of West Wing - election season always gets me back to here, one of the best shows ever

Drop Dead Gorgeous - a fun one for a wine-filled night in with a friend

A hungover binge of Man on the Inside - sweet and cute and sad, especially if you know people who've had memory issues.

I am continuing to watch Charmed at night before bed, which is low stakes and amusing enough. Also watching Vampire Diaries, which is terrible but great fun mainly because I live text my reactions to my friend who’s already seen it while I watch, so it’s really half a friendship exercise.

Did

Attended: The ballet! Saw Encounters: Four Contemporary Ballets at the Royal Opera House which was largely eh but (1) the Royal Opera House is amazing, worth seeing anything there for the venue (and esp the bar), alone, and (2) the final piece, The Statement by Crystal Pite, was absolutely mind-blowing, one of the best things I’ve seen in a long time.

Went to three V&A Young Patrons things: Portrait Miniatures handling session (v cool), opening party for the Great Mughals (v fun), private viewing of the Great Mughals (v good, see below).

Learned to: Use hot rollers. Really recommend, they're a super easy way to look way more polished and genuinely take <10 min start to finish. I used this tutorial (and can confirm the volumizing spray she talks about is very good).

Made new friends!: Ana I think is going to be a good one, maybe Parker too. And Beatrix is a perfect tennis friend, not sure if we'll graduate beyond that.

Revarnished my outdoor furniture: trying to help it survive this winter better than last.

A lot of soaking in oxygen bleach of towels, tea towels, stained shirts, etc: getting things into shape for when I go back to work.

Went to a Thursday singles event and went on a date off the back of that: event was scary and kinda meh but I met someone so, worth it.

Found someone to play tennis with during the week (and played twice outside of drills): a big accomplishment, she’s lovely and a good player and available the same kinds of times that I am. Jackpot.

Last Month’s Goals

☑️Use all class pass classes: Actually had to buy more passes, did a lot of F45 and Qigong this month.

☑️Read a book: see Read section above.

☑️New Recipes x4: (1) Confit Chicken Legs - so good and how amazing that they keep for months, (2) Rick Bayless Slow cooker mole - a really good mole recipe (available on YouTube) with a huge amount of depth for (relatively) little work, (3) Brazilian Stroganoff - made this for the Brazilian GP (I try to make themed food for every GP) and it was decent but not my fav and I’m unlikely to make again, (4) Not proper recipes but did a lot of making my own condiments and syrups, e.g. rosemary simple syrup, pickled chillis, slow roasted cherry tomatoes.

☑️Go to a new museum: The Wallace Collection, can’t believe I haven’t been before, it’s free and lovely. The Swing is actually very cool in person, I hadn’t realized how small it is. And the recently completed conservation is wonderful, the colors are really stunning. There’s also a nice cafe. Recommend!

☑️☑️Go to an Exhibition (x2): The Great Mughals at the V&A (very interesting, lots of little details, was glad to go to private viewing with two of the curators as that added a lot), Silk Roads at the BM (incredibly good but also incredibly packed. Try to go first thing in the morning). Note: This one means a major exhibition at a museum I’ve been to before.

☑️Go to the theater: See above, Did section.

🟧Crochet: Making progress, still want to get better about doing this more regularly at night.

❌Write More: Total fail here, need to reconsider how to prioritize this and figure out what the main blockages are.

❌Lay morning foundation: Also total fail on this, probably should reconsider what's realistic for these colder months.

☑️Budget: Barely, was tougher this month. I'm ready to have income coming back in.

🟧Memorize a poem (x2): okay really this is a fail but I had to memorize a rap for Russian class so I'm counting that as a half tick.

☑️Russian flashcards: This is going better and my vocab is improving.

🟧Screen time: Better but still not good. May need to think about how to cycle this through the week / month vs blanket bans/reductions.

🟧Job prep: Unlikely to have any interviews until Jan so this has slowed down but is in progress.

Next Month’s

Carrying Over

Use all class pass passes (I expect to use less because I got home for Xmas midway through the period)

Four two new recipes (shrinking this as I will be doing less regular cooking and more holiday cooking)

Read a book

Visit a new musuem

Go to an exhibition

Go to a show (off for this month, busy start to the month and then I’ll be home)

Crochet

Write more

Morning foundation

Budget

Memorize a poem

Russian flashcards

Screentime

Job/interview prep

New

Quality time with people at home (grandmama, gran and pa, Jack, parents, Grace, Anna, M&M)

[bunisher]

frank castle, grief, corruption, choice, and the mess that is the punisher season 2

been having some thoughts, and in my opinion, the worst part about the punisher season 2 is that season 1 ends with this:

“You know as long as I was at war, I didn’t really think about what when it was over. I think that might the hardest part. The silence. The silence when the gunfire ends. How do you live in that? I guess that’s what you try to figure out, huh? That’s what you guys are doin’. You’re working on it. I respect that. I just… um… But when you’re gonna look at yourself, truly look in the mirror, you gotta—yeah, you gotta admit who you are, but not just to yourself, you gotta admit to everybody else. First time in long as I can remember, I don’t have a war to fight. I guess, if I’m gonna be honest, I just… I’m scared.”

….. and then they do absolutely nothing with it in season 2.

no, seriously, they do absolutely nothing with frank castle and his fear of sitting with the fact that he is alone, a widow, a childless father, with a new name and an entire life ahead of him. and i’m going to rant about it.

we leave S1 in group therapy. we pick up across the country, in michigan, in S2. he hooks up with a woman named beth while wearing his wedding ring on a chain next to his heart and getting ridden, playing house with her kid the next morning, and we as an audience are led to believe that frank castle, a man who daredevil rightly clocked a year ago as being unable to grieve, is able to do this with having no little to no difficult feelings. how much time has passed? not even two years. and then, while he is sitting at the bar, he finds another war to fight. as the season progresses he just decides after saying the above that this is who he is and who he has always been. he kills his ex best friend who could’ve helped him prevent everything and ships off the teenage girl he spent an entire season bonding with. he loses his one remaining friend and in the end, we see him tell madani that he’s already busy with his own stuff, and during none of that besides his talk with maria’s headstone does he reflect, despite them being his motivation for everything in S1.

except… he was thinking about after, and how he didn’t know how to have after. he was looking at himself in the mirror and fully admitting his fear to everyone. so what happened? frank was doing everything except trying to sitting in the grief, sit in the shit, and the silence. even him traveling is him doing something to distract himself, an act of avoidance, but it only serves as a plot device so that something else happens to him and he has to react. he’s just in the wrong place at the right time. the role of the punisher is again thrust upon him.

let me explain why i really feel this is due to the inability to write grief and why TPS2’s bad story and writing is a side effect of it. in every “superhero” movie in the mcu, death is simply a motivator for something, and they do it again in punisher season 2 after leaving us with the uncomfortableness that is the reality that vengeance will not solve grief. but instead of sitting with it, we have another death that desensitizes us as the audience once again and is used as a plot device. that’s literally how his and amy’s dynamic is introduced. he just reacts to everything around him, and yeah he could choose to not help, but he doesn’t. and as much as i love some gratuitous violence with punisher, damn would it have been to good to not just having something happening in his vicinity that causes him to react. to instead see the conscious choice of frank actively choosing to use his grief as something to continue his war until that’s all that he is, until it’s not even about his grief anymore.

his family’s death in the comics is framed as a tragedy even that just happens, and frank’s decision is to ignore the process of grieving, not go to the cops, and take matters into his own hands. by the time we meet frank in his first appearance, he isn’t even named. he is only known as punisher. the nmcu changes his origin into something that he has direct ties to, and similar but completely different to the comics, he ultimately, probably, could not have prevented their deaths because he didn’t have power or knowledge. it was him vs not only his former second family of the marines, but also the cia and elected officials such as reyes. yet, frank is the one who feels guilty and responsible, as if he could’ve prevented it, and we see this though his nightmares that people hate. to him, by just existing and his family choosing to love him, he feels he killed them. this is his own issue. he feels guilty for surviving when they did not, and chooses to stay alive in order to seek his revenge. this is the choice that leads him to cross paths with daredevil.

however, the context of the series in punisher season 1 also tries to go against the fact that it is not his fault and say that it actually is his fault, because frank is an unreliable narrator, and despite him being under the impression that what he was doing was completely legal and approved, he was somehow in the wrong and deserved to be punished for what an entire squad of people participated in. he even asked if it was and was lied to. and since he couldn’t have been behind the video because he was who pulled the trigger, the entire season drives into him taking accountability for what he perceives as his fault for his family’s deaths, and then because it wasn’t actually his fault, the government rewards him out of both fear and apology. and then what? we have no clue other than madani quitting and joining the cia with a chip on her shoulder because the report was changed so they could be protected. however, she still chooses to work for this system and uses her power in order to try and recruit frank, which he rejects because he does not want to do the pointing and shooting for someone else under orders like he did in operation cerberus and in war.

this is part of the problem. they don’t go into that and then proceed to refuse to go into grief or talk about who frank is besides that. the fatal flaw i believe mcu makes is that when they go with the idea of corruption, they also then proceed to place the issue onto individual characters. with DD S2&S3, we see that the ones who need to be put in prison are the ones enforcing it and getting away with crimes. schoonover is the blacksmith, reyes tried to kill frank in order to cover up her mistake, fisk uses the law to his advantage by manipulating people and holding leverage, by using his money as power. in TP S1 it is agent orange, who is revealed to be a part of the cia and comes from old money dating back to the first colonies in the usa, and he was funding cerberus with drugs, slipping right under homesec’s nose and when threatened with exposure, attempting to kill everyone to maintain his power. and while this theme of money and corruption is a good one, they fail to acknowledge that other characters like fisk or rawlins exist, and we as an audience have no idea about them simply because they’re not tied to our protagonists. just like reyes or the fbi agents or rawlins are tied to them, they are also characters that existed prior, and there are characters similar to them that exist after with no ties to them, or very loose ones that are still corrupt.

going back further, we see this with roxxon corp in daredevil S1. the old man with cancer who is fighting against the NDA who was being sued by the company because he shared information with his oncologist, and foggy is the one who suggests, “well he broke the contractual agreement.” matt on the other hand states that it isn’t okay, that maybe what the law says isn’t always right, that maybe they’re not fighting for the right side. but again there is this idea that it’s an individual problem instead of a systemic issue, and while they hold up a glaring light to it, ultimately the writers don’t really go into it. matt and foggy leave their old firm and then later matt and elektra fight the hand, killing the leaders, more individual characters.

and they do the same thing in TP, but worse because of how S2 is written as a follow-up. they ignore the corruption and ignore the grief. it would’ve been interesting to see a punisher who chooses to eliminate corruption like what was done to him in his fashion, aka, with a lot of murder. it would’ve been an interesting story for the first episode to show a frank castle who acknowledges his grief, acknowledges the silence, and basically says without saying that he can’t do that, that he’s making the choice to actively seek things out because he can’t handle the silence, because he is terrified of it. this would allow us as an audience get to see the lack of justification to others, that it’s wrong, that he is unleashing a war, but he justifies it because he nothing else to live for, and believes what he is doing is right since nobody else will and he has nothing else to lose. and it is, above all else, his choice to fight a war for innocent people that the law does not help.

we see in daredevil s2 that there are people who he effects (the boy who cries about his dad in the courtroom) and that not only does frank care about the impact he leaves to innocents, he does care about the lives of them as well. we see this TPS2 when he thinks he’s killed children, when he prioritizes saving the teen couple over killing billy at the carousel. these are morals that define what he does and serve as motivation for who his targets are, and they should be important. frank is a character in the comics that only maintains rapport with heroes because he cares about innocent people. he does not kill without reason. that’s how he maintains his status as an antihero. otherwise he wouldn’t be allowed to do what he does, he would be locked away by shield or the avengers or killed.

we see in certain issues that he goes after corrupt cops, politicians, high up enemies that think they’re safe because of money and power. nmcu tries to do this and then ends the series by killing gang members at the end of s2 after a whole story about corruption that couldn’t be solved any other way besides murder that was hidden by the govt. he started off killing the irish gang members and then ended with killing…? yeah. it only to put him back to where he started in s2 of daredevil. that’s right.

in my opinion, it falls flat because the whole thing ignores not only the source material (did y’all know amy is mentally disabled and her dad is a cop in the comics?) but also ignores what they did prior. all in order to lead to an underwhelming ending that could’ve left him in the same place as he was in season 1 if he had chose to keep going with his war. all of this is only part of the reason why the entirety of s2 doesn’t feel the same as s1. and it might be part of the reason frank sometimes hardly even feels like who we meet in that pawn shop in s2 of daredevil at times (ie: many people have pointed out him leaving That Guy in S2 was ooc and them going there was fairly pointless filler). we don’t have any character development or growth, and instead of him choosing to continue his cycle, he is more of a passive character besides his choice to go after people following the inciting incident. things happen and he reacts. he does not have an impact on the city at large or really outside of the people who are tied directly to him, situationally or by others. he does not become the lone wolf that he is foreshadowed to be after leaving micro and his family, he takes in amy for the entirety of the season, accepts curtis’ help despite it being reluctantly, and the only way his downward spiral is viewed is as someone who he has always been. he’s justified in his hunt for billy because it’s personal and frank’s mistake is seen as him leaving him alive, so again there’s this angle of guilt and the inability to grieve, but nothing is done. he unceremoniously kills billy and then everything is wrapped up. amy leaves, curtis leaves, frank is alone, and then he becomes all of the things we are supposed to think of him as off screen just so he can be brought back in DDBA.

so why even end that way in S1? why even have S2? idk. all i know is, i started S2 and stopped. i read up on it and know pretty much everything that happens, but it didn’t interest me then and doesn’t now. i worry a bit for how these topics are going to be written moving forward, and honestly i won’t even get into daredevil’s writing issues with grief, but i expect to see some form of loss in DDBA that’s brushed off either at the very end (like with elektra and father lantom) or at the beginning of the show so that there can be some action. because to prove my point, mcu was originally going to lead the show with foggy being killed off, pretending that karen doesn’t exist, and—what?

so, yeah. frank’s choice? that’s only a title of a song. corruption using money? it only matters in these instances and is not a problem in any other context. the law? the definition of good and moral and works for everyone. justice? will always prevail because everyone is equal under the law despite the amount of times we have seen otherwise. death? oh, it has to mean something and/or be a plot device for the protagonist. grief? doesn’t exist and can’t be shown on screen because it’s too real. i think mcu’s problem with this stuff is glaringly obvious in the storyline of punisher S2 despite the good set up of S1. i think it’s hinted towards in daredevil, not super bad in the defenders, but is pretty obvious if you look at mcu collectively. if you don’t believe me, here’s a video essay on catharsis and grief in regards to nwh that inspired this post. go give it some love if u can. it only has 3k views plus a couple hundred likes, but it is wonderfully made and helped put into words some things i wasn’t able to before.

[jorogumohime]

“I swear to you, with my body, life and soul, that I will return.”

Pairing: Ace x Fem!Reader

Warning: Ace and reader having a kinda big argument over him leaving to find Blackbeard, Ace almost burning reader

Important Note: first time writing angst so it’s not really sad, at least what i think 🤷‍♀️

Spoiler warning.

“Ace.” You said with a cold and almost harsh tone. No words could describe the rage and sorrow you felt this very moment, within every minute that passed, you felt the irritation grow. Why didn’t he say anything? Why didn’t he tell you about any of this? Why was Marco your information source?

“Y/N.. You probably know about it already, right..?” The disappointment from his side was heard in his voice, it was almost trembling. A feeling of guilt rushed over you before you realized ‘No, I’m not supposed to feel bad.’

“Ace.. I don’t even know what to say.. Why.. Why didn’t you tell me..? You told everyone on the ship but not me.. is that why everyone has been acting so weird around me lately..?” Sadness was sprinkled in your voice like sprinkles on a cupcake, except this time, it wasn’t as sweet.

“Y/N.. I.. I wanted to tell you I just.. I didn’t..” He started stammering over his own words, avoiding eye contact with you while trying to find the fitting words. “I didn’t want you to worry about me. I.. I know you would call me reckless and get really mad at me if you found out… which is why I didn’t wanna tell you.. I’m.. sorry.” You felt rage run through your bloodstream and enter your head.

“Ace, do you not see.. How serious this actually is!? Seriously? I know I’m proving your point right now but did you just plan on not telling me and then just disappear like it’s no ones business!!?” You tried to avoid shouting as much as possible, you really did, but with what was happening right now, you weren’t sure that was an option.

“Honestly! You said that you didn’t want me to worry about you but how was I supposed to do that either way!?” He looked at you with guilt and knew you were right. “Y/N.. I-“

“NO! Listen to me! Why are you always..” You felt tears gathering up in your eyes, why was he so careless? Only a gaze of rage, disappointment and sadness could be shown on your face. “Y/N, you don’t get it.. How the hell do you expect me to just sit and watch while my crewmate got KILLED by him!?”

Now it was your turn to realize he was right. “Y/N I know you’re upset right now but… you’re making it seem like you seriously don’t care about this crew or no.. not even a crew.. this family! at all!” Why would he say that? You loved this family, you loved everyone in it. Your love is why your arguing with him right now in the first place and he has the audacity to accuse you of not caring.

“Y-you’re… DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHY I’M HERE, ARGUING WITH YOU RIGHT NOW!? YOU’RE ACCUSING ME OF NOT CARING LIKE YOU DIDN’T AVOID TELLING ME THIS AND JUST PLANNED TO DISAPPEAR WITHOUT ME EVER KNOWING WHERE OR WHY YOU LEFT!”

At this point you started crying, full tears spilling through your eyes, reminding you of your drunk nights together when you would spill sake everywhere while having so much fun. Only realizing that there’s a big chance of you two not experiencing those fun nights again if he left.

Ace got upset as well, realizing he also had the right to be upset and not just you. The dim light shining through during these late hours, you both eventually stopped caring about your volume. “IF YOU WOULD ACTUALLY CARE THEN YOU’D SHUT UP AND LET ME DO THIS!” Rage hugged you as if it were your best friend, and in this moment, it felt like it was the only best friend you had right now.

“DO YOU EVEN HEAR YOURSELF RIGHT NOW!?” You glared at him in shock and rage, having so many words you wanted to spill before his ears. “I CARE A LOT ABOUT YOU AND EVERYONE IN THIS CREW, I TRULY FEEL TERRIBLE FOR WHAT HAPPENED TO THATCH AND IT ALWAYS KEEPS ME UP AT NIGHT BUT YOU JUST.. You just.. can’t leave me here alone..”

You lost your ability to yell. You just wanted him to stay here, or at least let you go with him. “If you’re gonna go.. at least let me go with you, Ace..” Your voice was trembling, tears were spilling, eyes and limbs were shaking. He came closer, and held you in his arms to comfort you.

“Y/N.. I.. I c-can’t.. I.. I care about you so much. I know I’ll probably die during this but at least you’ll live. That’s what I want..”

You looked up at him, feeling the rage return. Your gaze darkened and got more serious. “What you want..? W-what about what I want..? I don’t want you to die..” You were both at loss for words, both extremely exhausted, only relaxing against eachother in your arms for a solid five minutes before you spoke up again.

“Ace.. if we both go.. There’s a higher chance we’ll live.. both of our powers combined.. we can do it.. I promise.. And if we can’t.. at least we’ll die together..” Your voice was calm yet trembling. Slow tears slipped through your eyes and down your cheeks.

“Y/N.. Please understand.. You can’t come.. I’m begging you, please understand why I’m doing this.” You moved away from him, putting the same distance as before between you two.

“If you die, then I’ll be alone. If I die, then you’ll be alone. If we both die.. let’s just hope heaven would let us be together and if we both survive.. we’ll still have eachother.” Somehow he still didn’t understand.

“Y/N.” He began with a more stern and serious voice. “I won’t repeat the same point again. End of conversation, I will go, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.” You realized he was genuinely annoyed, but this is his entire life he’s risking. You didn’t take that lightly and neither should he.

You glared at him with a neutral, cold expression and opened your mouth. “This is your entire life your playing with. I don’t care if you’re tired, you go to sleep when you remember you’re a human, with an entire life you’re about to throw away.”

Cold expressions were taped on both your faces. “I told you already, I’m not gonna argue about this anymore. Enough Y/N. I’ve made up my mind, so did pops and the rest of the crew. Go sleep, it’s late.” You’ve never heard him talk with such a monotone and cold voice before, and honestly, it scared you.

Despite being scared, you needed to get your point across. He started walking out of the room, and you sprinted to him and gripped his wrist tightly. “Ace! Don’t ignore me! Seriously! Please just listen! I’m not the one who needs to understand, you are! How can you throw your life away like this! You’re not alone Ace just please let me at least help you if you’re not gonna stay!”

You continued, “You mentioned the crews mind is already made up, but mine isn’t! Am I not part of the crew!? Do I not have a say in this as your crewmate, best friend and even girlfriend..?” He didn’t even bother looking at you, his mind raced and a soup with the ingredients being multiple different emotions was cooking in his head.

“Y/N, enough.” He said with a dark and low voice.

“NO! YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT WHAT I HAVE TO SAY, PLEASE ACE JUST PLEASE REALIZE THAT YOU’RE ALSO IMPORTANT! WHAT DOES THIS CREW WIN IF WE LOSE ANOTHER CREWMATE OR FAMILY MEMBER!?” Your tears slipped out again, this time, not being as slow and calm as when he held you in his arms.

He knew how much you cared, he knew everything, but for the sake of this situation, he didn’t say anything. Only waiting until your arguments died out and you eventually calmed down. Except, you didn’t.

Words kept bubbling up and your voice got higher and higher, he felt rage course through his veins and at this point, he saw red. He moved away from you and pulled his arm back from your grip forcefully and roughly.

“ENOUGH ALREADY! YOU KEEP MAKING UP STUPID ARGUMENTS AND BENDING MY WORDS TO MAKE IT SEEM LIKE YOU’RE IN THE RIGHT! BE QUIET ALREADY!” He waved his arms around in rage to show his body language, accidentally lighting them on fire and almost hitting you.

You stumbled back in fear trying to avoid the warm fire, flinching away quickly almost tripping over before catching yourself. He quickly collected his flames, now regretting how far this argument got.

He saw your legs slowly backing away and your expression being one of fear and regret. You were both at loss for words. You kept moving until your back landed against the corner of the room. Not daring to move, you stayed there and observed him carefully.

“I-I..” He stuttered. Wanting to get closer to you but knowing it’s probably best if he stays at the distance he is right now and waited a moment until you’ve both calmed down. You felt your eyelids get tired and your energy fading away, only wanting to lay down with him while holding eachother delicately like the loving couple you were just a few hours ago.

“Y-Y/N I.. I’m..” He was trying to find the right words to apologize, you both went too far and you knew a simple ‘I’m sorry’ wouldn’t fix it. You got the courage to move and fixed your posture to walk over to him and quickly leaned onto him, placing your head on his chest and hugging his waist tightly like a koala on a branch.

He waited a few seconds to test the waters and wrapped his arms around you carefully and gently. “I-I went too far.. I.. Y/N I didn’t m-mean to-“ You quickly hushed him and replied before he finished his sentence. “No, Ace, I went too far. I didn’t mean to do all that or say all that.. I was upset.. I know were both tired of hearing ‘I care’ and ‘you care’ over and over again but genuinely.. I really care about you. Honestly..”

You both felt your eyes starting to feel a bit sour while you continued. “Since the day I met you I knew we would get along.. but I never thought we would come to this point in our relationship together.. A-and..” You started to cry in his arms, but it felt comforting almost.

“I-I’m sorry for everything.. I never w-wanted for us to.. argue like this..” You sobbed into his chest and his arms only tightened around you. “Y/N.. I know you care.. I was also upset and.. I guess when you get mad you say stuff.. you don’t really mean..”

“But please promise me this.. none of this will affect anything between us.. please..” He said with a trembling voice. “I promise, Ace.”

You kept hugging eachother and stayed like that for a while until he opened his mouth again. “You can’t change what I’m gonna do.. I’m sorry but I won’t let Blackbeard get away with this.”

“There’s a chance I might die, but, I’ll get rid of those chances. I promise you, Y/N.” You stayed in his arms, too tired to move and waited until he was finished. “I.. I swear to you.. with my body, life and soul.. that I will return.”