#I’m truly heartbroken for the author and their friend

[blood-teeth]

I'm scared of everything. one of my favorite authors on here is saying she might kill herself because her friend committed after the results of the election....

more than 3 thousand people have taken their own lives today as a result of this election and i am so sorry to you, to your favorite author, to their friend, to everybody. this day we woke up to was very bleak and hopeless. It has sounded, and continues to sound, like a death knell for many, myself included. I am so heartbroken for the souls we’ve lost today because of hate, because America voted against them, because of the threat to democracy.

I would encourage you to send that author some resources that might help them through these dark moments. I lost my mother and my brother to suicide: I know how that devastation rings through and how impossible it is to take the grief, step by step.

there is a light at the end of this, but we have to fight for it. God dammit we have to fight for this. We have to stay alive to fight. We have to stay alive for tomorrow. If we die, Trump and his cult wins. This is what they want, this is what they do.

We stay alive. We fight. We stay alive in spite and to see a better tomorrow. Like Kamala said today, sometimes the fight takes a long time. We have to see it through the end.

I’m sending that author love. I’m sending you love. To everyone who might be thinking about taking their own lives tonight, please don’t. Please stay. We cannot afford to live without you

[hearts4hughes]

WASHING MACHINE HEART | JACK HUGHES

fem!reader x jack hughes

summary: in which your entire heart was never enough for jack. (4.5k words)

author note: this is one of, if not my longest, writing pieces. it is very loosely based on washing machine heart by mitski. this took like two weeks to write and forgive me, i am NOT proofreading!! this is incredibly angsty so buckle up!

"jack?" your brows furrow, eyes squinting in confusion. "what are you doing here?"

he never showed up unannounced. did you miss his text or call? who are you kidding? you’d never dare to miss one of his calls.

you were in love with jack hughes. every single ounce of your body was drowning in your love for the brunette boy. you memorized every facial feature, mannerism, and breath he had. nothing about him went unnoticed to you.

if only he held mutual feelings. he loved you, he truly did. but not in the way you yearned; not in the way you craved. while your eyes followed him, it seemed like he followed every other girl.

you and jack met in the ninth grade. he was failing in every class possible (besides physical education) and you were excelling in every class possible (including physical education). in jack’s mind, he didn’t need school or an education. he was going to the nhl in a few years, so why did it matter if he was smart or not? the only iq that mattered on the ice was hockey iq.

the only problem was school rules and regulations. if he wanted to continue playing on the high school hockey team, he needed to step it up academically. with a stubborn attitude, he signed up for tutoring and was assigned you as his tutor.

you were roped into becoming a tutor by both your parents and your teachers. the school was running low on anyone willing to sign up for after—school tutoring, and you needed a little extra cash.

every tuesday and thursday, you went to jack’s house and studied with him for hours. however, as days passed into weeks, you began going over to his house every day. with his charming personality and your shyness, you quickly fell into the best kind of friendship. it only took two months before you fell in love with your best friend, and you’ve held those feelings for nine years.

"y/n, i’m sorry i didn’t call before," he apologized, his face flushed. "i have a problem," he huffed out, taking a seat on your couch.

"what are you talking about?" you scratch your neck in confusion. "and did you run here?"

when you and jack both moved to new jersey, it wasn’t a surprise when you moved into apartments within six minutes of each other.

"yes, i ran here," he answered. "but that doesn’t matter. i ran into lola at a coffee shop this morning.”

lola was jack’s most recent girlfriend. that was until she broke up with him because he wasn’t mature enough. he was heartbroken and devastated, and like the good friend you are, you held him during the hard nights as he cried and ranted about how he missed her. you ended up helping him move on after a month or two, but what made him stronger only destroyed you more.

you sighed, "jack, i don’t want to hear this—"

"no, i promise this is going somewhere," he interrupted. "i saw her and we began talking about my cousin, natalie’s wedding. she’s known natalie since high school and is attending the wedding. when she said that, i got nervous and said i was also going and i was bringing you as my date."

your heart plummeted. "what?!" your eyes widened and mouth hung open.

he squinted his eyes, lips pressed tightly together. “i’m sorry.” he said with doe eyes. he knew exactly how to make you fold. “you know how she is. she was all over me and acting flirty, like she wasn’t the one to break up with me. she thinks that i’m still not over her.”

“well, are you?”

“i think so.” his voice was unsure. “will you help me, please?”

“i don’t know—”

“before you say no, remember when i drove over here at 2am with ice cream?” he says.

your shoulders slouched. “yes,” your voice was quiet.

“remember how i said you owe me one?” you shook your head as you replayed the past interaction in your head. “well, consider this me officially cashing in my favor.”

you rested your head in your hands. “what does this entail?” you asked.

his eyes lit up like a child’s on christmas day. “you pretending to be my girlfriend for a day.”

you exhaled loudly. every bone in your body was saying— screaming— no. your brain knew it wasn’t a good idea. it would only draw you deeper into jack’s web when you were beginning to unravel from it. but your heart said otherwise.

“fine.” you said as you rubbed your temples.

jack shot to his feet with a bright smile on his mouth. “yes!” his voice was an octave higher. his arms wrapped around you in a warm embrace. your stiffened body molded around him.

“fuck, i love you so much for this.”

he doesn’t mean it in the way you want him to, but you’ve learned to ignore the twinge in your heart when he says those magic words.

you don’t realize how fast your heart is beating until he pulls away from the hug. your body aches for him as he removes his arms from around you.

“since, i’m already here movie night?” he asks, his brow quirking upwards.

a giggle escapes your slouched body. for the first time since he got there, you smile— genuinely. he seems to notice as well because he mirrors your features, allowing his tense shoulders to drop.

you nod, plopping down on your couch with him. you hand him the tv remote, allowing him to put on whatever action/mobster movie that he usually did. your head rests on jack’s shoulder, an intimate action that meant more to you than it did to him.

this is what you wanted. this is what you’ve wanted since ninth grade. you’re finally getting what you’ve wanted. does it matter if your relationship with him is real or not? the more you think, the bigger the pit in your stomach grows. you ignore all impending thoughts and enjoy the feeling of your head resting against the love of your life’s shoulder.

you fall asleep against jack, soft snores falling from your pouted lips. when you wake up, you’re tucked in your bed, your alarm clock reading 2:30am, and a note with jack’s sketchy handwriting on your bedside table. you smile, a content feeling masking your earlier anxieties before you fall back into a deep slumber.

~

after an hour of painstakingly going over wedding details and weaving elaborate fake relationship stories, a dull ache pulses behind your temples, and the confines of your clothes suddenly feel suffocating.

“are we done yet?” your voice was whiney as you dramatically sat back in your chair.

jack giggled. “who knew that relationship talk would bore you?” you rolled your eyes. “if my family wasn’t so nosey, this would be a walk in the park,” he begins, “but they are and that means we have to tie up every loose end before they ruin our entire plan.”

you groaned. “we have enough chemistry for them to believe it, jack.” you said pointedly, your leg bouncing up and down under his dining room table.

“i guess.” he shrugged a smirk on his face. “but what we have is platonic chemistry. we need romantic, honeymoon phase chemistry.”

your fingers picked at the skin around your painted nails. blood pooled in your cuticle but you paid no mind to it, subconsciously wiping it against the denim of your jeans.

every muscle in your body tensed. platonic chemistry— the only thing you and jack possess. the subtle comment twisted your stomach— the contents from the meal before threatening to spew out.

“i, uh, have to go to the bathroom.” you blurt out, quickly leaving the seat and entering into his bathroom.

his brows furrow at your abrupt exit. “ok…”

his bathroom was cold and plain. you stare at your reflection in the mirror as you swallow harshly.

why were you doing this? why put yourself through the emotional turmoil only for jack to pretend to be in love with you? were you this desperate?

you raked your brain for any coherent answer—one that you would never find.

turning on the faucet, the icy water coated your shaky hands. you splashed some water on your flushed face—good thing you wore waterproof mascara today. quickly, you patted yourself dry, hopefully appearing more relaxed than before.

as you walk back into his dining room, jack’s faint laughter fills the room. it bounces off of the walls in a symphony of beauty. you crave his laughter like a bee craves honey. jealousy courses through you as he isn’t laughing at your joke.

he sits at the table, his phone in hand as he types on his screen. his lips are pulled upwards into a boyish grin, a pink color coating the apples of his cheeks.

his gaze adverts from his phone to you as you awkwardly stand, almost as if you were waiting for his approval to sit. “sorry, it’s just lola.”

your shoulders slouch.

you’ve met lola before. she never seemed humorous to you. she couldn’t have possibly said something that funny that he’s laughing out loud.

then it all became clear. you were merely a scheme to get her back. he wasn’t over her— he never was.

“can i ask you something?” you said while sitting in the chair beside him.

“mhm.” his attention isn’t even focused on you. silently, you scoff.

“you know what, i’m just going to head home.” you said, your voice sharp. immediately, jack put down his phone.

his forehead was creased from the furrow of his brows. “are you ok?” he mirrored your actions, standing up alongside you.

you mumbled in response, collecting your things and heading towards his front door. his hand clasped against your wrist, halting your movement. you huffed, looking back at him.

“did i do something?”

“no, jack.”

“then why are you acting like this?”

“i didn’t sleep well last night. i just want to take a nap.” you said simply. his face contorted. you were never the best liar.

“worm,” the nickname rolls off of his tongue like silk, but pierces your skin like shattered glass. it was short for bookworm— something classmates would teasingly call you. you never liked it when people said it, not until jack did. “just tell me what’s wrong.”

“are you using me as a pawn to get lola?” his face paled as the words left your lips. his hands clasped into fists and he cleared his throat.

“no.” his eyes avoided yours. “why would you think that?” he asked.

“i just want to make sure that we’re still going to be friends after this.” you spoke. “after all, i don’t think lola’s going to want me to be close with you after this.”

“good thing we aren’t together anymore and it will stay like that.” he mustered up the fakest smile. “see you on saturday, yeah?”

you sighed, “yeah.”

~

kissing wasn’t something foreign to you. your first kiss was in tenth grade with jake hopkins. he had blue eyes, curly brunette hair, and a similar name to jack. your kiss with him was enough to distract you from jack’s newest conquest with gina— an eleventh grade blonde who resembled a real life angel. she was older, which jack didn’t always like, but he made an exception for her.

kissing was something you were used to doing. you hadn’t been in a lot of serious relationships, but you kissed people often. however, the thought that you and jack might kiss today made your stomach do a somersault. suddenly, you knew nothing about kissing. it was as foreign to you as an alien to earth.

swiping on the darker shade of lipstick, you hoped for a confidence boost. you don’t usually wear this lipstick shade. holly, your best friend and roommate, convinced you to buy the overpriced makeup a few weeks ago. she said it would make you look sexier, more mature. you wondered if jack would like this shade. lola often wore darker lipstick. it looked good on her plump lips, but maybe a little less once left on jack’s cheek. it always made you cringe when she would press her lips against his, leaving a smudged lip print. jack knew it was there and he didn’t mind. if wore it proudly like a badge of honor, not caring what teasing remarks his teammates would make.

“i can’t believe you’re doing this for him.” holly said. she was clad in your pajama bottoms and sweatshirt, sprawled out across your bed.

“well, he is my childhood best friend.” you reply as you grab towards your perfume, spraying it across your body. you stood up, looking at yourself in the full length mirror.

you wore a maroon, silk, maxi dress. it accentuated every curve on your body, fitting you like a glove. the deep colored dress was captivating with a slit going up your lower body, showcasing your legs.

holly mutters something incoherent under her breath— you can’t quite hear what she said, but you can only imagine.

“you look like a fucking goddess.” she stood next to you, holding your arm up and twirling you around. giggles escaped your lips. “i just wish you were going out with a guy who actually appreciated you. not one who used you like this.” the corners of her lips turned downwards into a frown.

you turn to respond to her, to defend jack, but as you do, the doorbell rings.

“that’s him.” you waste no time running towards the door and opening it for him. he wore a maroon tie that matched perfectly with yours, his hair touseled, and his face clean shaven.

“hi.” you smile, your eyes trailing up and down his body. he looked godlike. “you look great.”

“thank you.” his cheeks blushed red. “you look beautiful, worm. i mean it.”

your entire body felt warm. you hadn’t even touched him and yet sparks traveled through your body. he knew you were beautiful— he even thought it— but he still didn’t want you.

holly trailed behind you, watching the interaction from the kitchen. she shook her head before returning to her room.

“we should get going.” jack clears his throat.

"yeah, we should," you reply, trying to keep your voice steady despite the storm of emotions swirling within you.

jack leads you to his car, a black range rover that’s evident he takes proud in. he opens the passenger door for you, a small gesture that makes your heart flutter, and then quickly hops into the driver's seat. as he starts the engine, you can feel the tension in the air.

"so," jack begins, glancing over at you, "let's go over the details one more time."

you nod, pulling out your phone to check the notes you had made earlier. "okay, so we've been dating for six months. we’ve always had feelings for each other,, and it was kind of a whirlwind romance," you start, reading off the fabricated history you both had created.

jack smiles, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "right, and we decided to keep it quiet because we didn't want to make a big deal out of it."

"exactly," you continue, "and we've spent a lot of time together, just not always in public. but your family knows me very well, so it shouldn't be too hard to convince them."

he nods, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. "and we're really happy together," he adds, his tone softening. "like, really happy."

your heart clenches at the sincerity in his voice. a part of you feels it’s real— though you know it's all part of the act. "yes," you agree, trying to keep your voice light. "happier than i've ever been."

jack glances over at you, a genuine smile spreading across his face. "you're a great actress, you know that?"

you laugh, a sound that feels both forced and genuine at the same time. "thanks."

in a way you were an actress— well, most of the time. in your everyday life with jack you played the part of a best friend who only held platonic feelings. you had mastered that part. here, now, however, there is no acting. you are entirely devoted to jack. anything you say, any touch you bestow, will be a look into your heart.

the rest of the drive, you both fall into a comfortable silence, each lost in your own thoughts. the gps guides you to a large, elegant house adorned with white ribbons and flower arrangements.

"we're here," jack says.

you take a deep breath, trying to calm the fluttering in your stomach. "okay, let's do this."

jack steps out of the car and quickly comes around to your side, opening the door and offering you his hand. you take it, your fingers curling around his as you step out of the car. his touch is warm and reassuring, and for a moment, you allow yourself to savor the feeling.

as you walk towards the entrance, jack squeezes your hand gently. "ready?"

you nod, your heart pounding in your chest. "ready."

the moment you step inside, you're greeted by a flurry of activity. guests are milling about, chatting and laughing, the air filled with the sounds of celebration. jack's family members quickly spot you and rush over, their faces lighting up with genuine happiness.

"jack! y/n!" ellen exclaims, pulling you both into a warm hug. "it's so good to see you two together!"

you smile, slipping into the role effortlessly. "it's great to see you too," you reply, squeezing her hand.

as more family members gather around, asking questions and showering you both with affection, you can feel jack's hand on the small of your back.

throughout the evening, you and jack move seamlessly through the crowd, sharing inside jokes, laughing at shared memories, and playing the part of the perfect couple. there are moments when you catch his gaze, and for a split second, you allow yourself to believe that maybe, just maybe, this could be more than just an act.

but then you see lola, standing across the room, her eyes locked on jack. her presence is a stark reminder of the reality of your situation. jack's smile falters for a moment when he sees her, and you can see the conflict in his eyes.

it’s not long before lola stalks over in your direction. she stands tall in a yellow maxi dress, matching with the rest of the bride's maids. the color makes her tan skin shine. she’s the epitome of sunshine.

she greets, “jack.” her gaze lingers on jack, the corners of her lips curving into a devilish smirk.

suddenly, he drops your hand. you suck in a sharp breath, looking down at his hand besides yours. his hand is flexed. you attempt to steady your breaths.

“hello, lola.” he replies. her name slides off his tongue so perfectly. he says it seductively and yearningly. his eyes brighten and cheeks gain more color. he stares at her like she hung the stars in the sky. “you remember y/n, don’t you?”

as he says your name, neither the glimmer in his eye or the blush on his cheeks intensify. it falls off his tongue in a casual way, with no clues or cliffhangers left behind.

she chuckles, the sound bouncing off of the walls and reaching your ears like both a blessing and a curse. “i remember her very well.” she doesn’t leave it there. “though, last time i saw her, she was your friend and i was your girlfriend. funny how the tables turn.”

as if on cue, both of your bodies stiffen, the action obvious enough for her to stifle out a laugh.

“calm down, i’m just joking.”

“it’s nice to see you again.” you say, ignoring the burning sensation in your stomach. she looks you up and down, a look of indifference placed on her perfect face.

it’s almost like she can read you. she looks so majestic, you wouldn’t put it past her to behold a supernatural ability.

“it’s a pleasure to see you always, y/n.” she grins. in the background, the dj changes the upbeat music to a slower, romantic song. the atmosphere around you shifts to the music. “slow dances are starting! i want to see you love birds on the dance floor.” her comment comes out snarky, but jack is too captivated by her to notice.

lola’s small figure disappears in the sea of people on the makeshift dance floor.

“wanna dance, worm?” jack asks with a sly grin. his hand picks up yours again.

“i thought you’d never offer.”

he tugs at your hand, pulling you towards an open spot on the dance floor. as you step onto the dance floor with jack, the soft melody of lover by taylor swift fills your ears. jack's hand feels warm and reassuring in yours, but as you glance up at him, you can't shake the thought of how he dropped your hand.

"this song... it reminds me of lola," jack murmurs, his voice tinged with a hint of sadness. “it’s stupid, but this song was playing when we met, so it’s always resonated with her.”

you nod, swallowing past the lump in your throat. "yeah, i can see why. it's a beautiful song," you reply, trying to mask the ache in your chest.

it was like the universe was playing a prank on you. lover was your song, not theirs. the second it was released you fell in love with it. it was the very song you listened to when you still had hopes of a relationship with jack.

as you dance, jack's gaze keeps drifting towards where lola dances. she sways back and forth with the groom’s best man. everytime she laughs, jack’s jaw clenches.

you try to push aside the rising tide of emotion, focusing instead on the feel of jack's arms around you and the gentle sway of your bodies. but with each passing moment, the resentment grows, threatening to consume you from within.

“jack, can you at least pretend you want to be here with me?” your voice was sharp.

pity spread on his face like a wildfire. “i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to-”

“it’s fine.” you mutter through your teeth.

he didn’t respond, although the dim glimmer in his eyes revealed his guilt.

from the outside looking in, this seemed like a romantic, loving dance between the perfect couple. but that couldn’t have been more wrong.

as the song comes to an end, you reluctantly pull away from jack, your eyes meeting his with a mixture of hurt and anger. "you lied to me, jack." you accuse, your voice barely above a whisper.

jack's expression softens, his eyes clouded with regret. "y/n, i'm sorry," he begins, but you cut him off with a shake of your head.

"i don't want to hear it," you say, your voice trembling with emotion. "i thought... i thought you cared about me. the only reason i’m here is to make her jealous.”

jack reaches out to touch your arm, but you pull away, your heart heavy with disappointment. "i know," he says softly, "and i'm sorry. i just... i can't help how i feel."

you take a step back, your eyes brimming with unshed tears. "i understand," you say, your voice barely a whisper. "but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.”

“you shouldn’t have fallen in love with me, y/n. we’re only friends.”

the words hit you hard because it’s the truth. you and jack are only friends.

with that, you turn and walk away. you hear jack yelling your name as he races after you, but you ignore it. you get as far as the parking lot before his hand clasps around yours, pulling you back into his chest.

“what do you want?” you shouted. “what do you want from me, jack?”

“i don’t know.” he admits.

“exactly.” you point your finger at him. “you don’t know what you want, so you play with my feelings; you manipulate me; you flirt with me, tell me you love me, but then somehow remind me that we’re only friends.”

he stands there, speechless and guilty. his gaze stays glued to the concrete.

you let out a sharp, bitter laugh, your eyes flashing with anger. “you’ve known this entire time that i love you, and you still invited me here.” your eyes are dark with rage. “you have known your motive since before we got here and completely disregarded how it would break me.”

“worm,” he softens his voice.

“don’t call me that.”

“c’mon, don’t be like this.” he says. his hand reaches out to intertwine with yours, but you pull away.

“jack, i would do anything for you unbiased to my feelings because i thought you cared.” your voice grows weaker. tears flood your eyes and stream down your face. “but now i’m seeing the real you and it fucking sucks.”

you step back from jack, tears streaming down your face, as he stands there speechless, his guilt palpable in the air. the weight of his actions hangs heavy between you.

"i hope you're happy now because you have finally pushed me away," you choke out, your voice trembling with emotion. “goodbye, jack.” with that, you turn and walk away, leaving jack standing in the parking lot, his mouth hanging agape.

as you make your way to the street, you pull out your phone and quickly hail an uber. the car arrives, and you climb in.

as the car pulls away from the curb, you can't help but feel a sense of relief wash over you. you did the unthinkable.

you untangled yourself from jack’s web.

[cieloclercs]

what would you say (if i told you i love you)? — charles leclerc

PART: 7/7 (read part 6 here)

summary. in which childhood best friends blur the lines between what they’ve always known, and something more

warnings. angsty but with a lil catharsis at the end (yes it’s a happy ending i’m too weak to keep the angst up 😔) swearing as per, your bestie and charles SCHEMING, y/n being a teenyyy bit annoying but it’s fine she’s heartbroken we accept it 😚

pairing. charles leclerc x artsy!reader

face claim. tara michelle

author’s note. FINAL PART!! it’s been a long time coming (sorry about that sixth form’s been kicking my ass 😔) but thank you to everyone that has been interacting with this series! i love and appreciate you all sooooo much!! 🫶 anywaysss i hope you guys enjoy the finale of what would you say (if i told you i love you)? 💗

liked by charles_leclerc and 37,846 others

yourusername happier than ever 🩶

view all comments…

username me when i lie:

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leclerc_pascale ma fille pour toujours / my girl forever 💗

yourusername 🫶

username hey y/n! if you are truly happy then i am so proud of you <3 but i know that sometimes say things to hide the pain they’re actually feeling. what i’m trying to say is please don’t think you need to act as if you’re doing great all the time! we all love and support you no matter what, and all we want is for you to be happy! 💗

yourusername i think this is the sweetest comment i’ve ever received?? 🥹 thank you so so much for your kind words and for checking in! i love you ❤️

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*yourusername liked this comment

charles_leclerc all i want is for you to be happy.

*charles_leclerc deleted this comment

username CHARLES WE SAW THAT

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liked by formula1updates and 107,837 others

f1gossip BREAKING! Charles Leclerc and Y/F/N, best friend of Y/N Y/L/N spotted together in Monaco! Do we smell a backstabber? 👀

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username YOU WHAT NOW

username THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING

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username yes!! first of all no one knows the full story, and second y/f/n has been nothing BUT supportive of y/n throughout this whole situation! switching up on her now is really unfair ☹️

yourfriend this is unbelievable. f1gossip you have no right to post this without any understanding of the full story.

username yourfriend stop trying to play innocent we all now you’re a fake backstabbing skank 🤮

username username if you can’t think for yourself without trusting everything the TABLOIDS tell you then just do us all a favour and shut the fuck up 🥰

yourusername

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responses:

yourfriend thank you, y/n

liked by formula1updates and 22,736 others

f1gossip Charles Leclerc spotted with a HUGE bouquet of flowers outside Y/N Y/L/N’s apartment in Monaco! Is reconciliation on the cards? 👀

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username OH MY GOD IT���S FINALLY HAPPENING

username CODE RED 🚨🚨 THIS IS NOT A DRILL GUYS I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL

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username have you not seen him grovelling AT HER FEET for the last six weeks 😀

username tbh if charles leclerc turned up at my door with flowers i’d melt. no matter how angry i was 🤷‍♀️

arthur_leclerc FINALLY

username ARTHUR 😭

username arthur bestie what are you doing here 😭

username he’s so us

username he stans charlesy/n just as much as we do 🫶

one week later…

liked by charles_leclerc and 647,937 others

tagged: charles_leclerc

yourusername i’d say i love you too ❤️‍🩹

view all comments…

charles_leclerc thank you for giving me a second chance, mon amour ❤️

yourusername always 💫💗

charles_leclerc i love you so so much

charles_leclerc i’m the luckiest man in the world

yourusername aw charlie 🥹

username such a SIMP

username simp charles is my favourite charles

username oh he IN LOVE in love 🫠

username hold up so everyone was talking shit about y/f/n but the whole time she was actually plotting to get charles and y/n back together… 😳

username yep…everyone say sorry and thank you y/f/n right now!

username sorry yourfriend and thank you for doing god’s work 😔🙏

yourfriend you’re welcome guys ☺️

arthur_leclerc DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT

arthur_leclerc ELEVEN FUCKING YEARS

arthur_leclerc I DESERVE COMPENSATION FOR EVERY TIME I’VE HAD TO LISTEN TO YOU TWO PINE OVER EACH OTHER BUT NEVER DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT

yourusername way to expose us arth 😔

charles_leclerc sorry? 😃

username CRYING ARTHUR IS SO DONE WITH THEIR SHIT

username arthur is the true winner in this situation 😭

username bless his poor charlesy/n heart 😔

username yourusername charles_leclerc LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO THE POOR MAN. YOU’VE BROKEN HIM

joris_trouche it’s about damn time

yourusername ok lizzo

username THIS IS SO ADORABLE IM SOBBING

username FINALLY

username THIS IS ALL I’VE EVER WANTED. THAT’S IT MY LIFE IS COMPLETE

username ok but did you NEED to put us through all that pain? 😅

username it’s called character building bestie! we survived the charlesy/n friendship breakup so now we can get through anything! 😃

username the first picture 🥹🥹

leclerc_pascale Ma belle future fille / my beautiful future daughter 💗😉

charles_leclerc maman 🤦‍♂️

arthur_leclerc just propose already you’ve been saying you want to marry her since you were sixteen

charles_leclerc ARTHUR

yourusername CRYING 😭

yourfriend ARTHUR YOU DID NOT 😭😭

username IM SCREAMING ARTHUR WHY WOULD YOU EXPOSE HIM LIKE THAT

username poor charles can’t say anything without arthur exposing him 😔

landonorris i better be invited to the wedding 😏

carlossainz55 me too! 😘

charles_leclerc absolutely not.

yourusername landonorris carlossainz55 ignore him! of course you’re invited 😃

scuderiaferrari Our favourite couple ❤️

yourusername 🥰🫶

username even ferrari’s a charlesy/n fan

scuderiaferrari username *Biggest fan 😉

lorenzotl congrats to my favourite sibling (and charles) 😚

yourusername love you enzo ☺️💕

charles_leclerc rude??? 😒

username i love how they left us in suspense for a whole week after that gossip post and only NOW decided to confirm it ☺️☺️

username ROLL THE DAMN CREDITS.

taglist: @cxcewg @incoherenciass @formula1mount @allywthsr @meabhcavanagh @driveswiftly13 @zzblooda @gaslysainz @be-your-coffee-pot @siovhanroy @hwienv @xoxozoedagyal @alireads27 @glow-ish @eviethetheatrefreak @nmw-am @buendiabebeta @laneyspaulding19 @imthebadguyyy @marialovesf1 @f1wintermoon13 @topaz125 @aundercover @sainzluvrr @sunny44 @justdreamersdream @lordperceval-16 @needtokeepfeelingsincheck @midnightappleade @remuslupinsbitch @taylorslovesswifties13 @raizelchrysanderoctavius @lillianacristina @lifeless-firefly @bbygrlllllll @405rry @1655clean @drthymby @ang-26 @dhe3reads @mishaandthebrits @caitdaniels @missenclod @lovely-blackinnon @smnthnclj @sofs16 @dark-night-sky-99 @c3leste888 @christcat @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @cixrosie

thank you all so much for the love on this series! i’m going to miss it 🥲

[queenofthekings]

𝐼 𝓂𝒾𝓈𝓈 𝓎𝑜𝓊.

Summary: Long after you and Eddie break up, it's still affecting both of you.

Author’s note: I know I keep posting so much angst and I'm sorry lol. I asked some friends if they'd be interested in reading my Edancy fics reworked as Reader fics and they said yes! It felt like such a shame those fics didn't get the love I thought they deserved so I hope they can get a second chance as Reader.

CW: Mentions of drugs and smoking.

Word count: 1k

Any hate will not be tolerated, constructive criticism is welcomed.

The first few weeks after a breakup are the worst; the depression of missing them, the uncertainty of if you made the right choice in ending the relationship, the regret of not doing or saying something you wish you had. That’s how you had constantly been feeling. You’d felt so anxious you could barely eat, sleep, or concentrate on any of your schoolwork and frankly, you looked terrible.

Even though you had been the one to break it off, you regretted it almost instantly. You still loved him; you were still hopelessly in love with him, but you knew the relationship could never work. You both came from two completely different worlds, the likelihood of you working out and lasting longer than high school was slim. And you didn’t want to prolong the inevitable or put him through any unneeded pain.

Anytime you saw Eddie around school, your heart ached. While on the outside he was laughing and joking with his friends, you knew on the inside he was just as heartbroken as you were – probably even more. The breakup had destroyed him, he’d spent several days in his room, smoking all the drugs he had and drinking until he couldn’t even remember what day it was.

From across the lunchroom, your eyes met and in that moment, it was like you’d never broke up. He still looked at you like you were the centre of his universe and the whole would didn’t matter when he saw you, and it almost made you cry. He still looked at you with so much love and care, but you couldn’t accept it anymore.

You looked away, certain if you looked too long, you truly would begin to cry. Hastily, you packed up your things and rushed out of the room. You tried your best to keep your composure as you powerwalked down the hallways towards the bathrooms, but you broke down in controllable sobbing. Leaning against a wall, you slowly slid down it until you were sat on the floor with your head in your hands.

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t stop crying. And it wasn’t her normal “pretty” crying, this was full on ugly, gut-wrenching sobbing. It felt like all the weeks of keeping it inside her, seeing his eyes made it impossible to hold anything back.

You heard footsteps slowly approach and stop right in front of you, but you were so blinded by your tears you could barely make out whose shoes they were. It wasn’t until you felt arms around you, bringing you into a warm chest that you tried to see who it was.

Eddie.

Who else could it have been?

You shook your head, trying to get away from him as you wiped your tears as best as you could with your hands and the sleeve of your sweater. “I’m sorry, you should go.”

It was Eddie’s turn to shake his head, refusing to let you go. “No, I’m staying.”

You looked up at him, tears still falling down your cheeks, even after all your efforts to stop them. “But why? I broke up with you, I completely broke you. Why do you care that I’m suffering?”

Eddie let out almost a bitter chuckle, his own eyes watering a little as he held back his own tears. “Sweetheart, do you think I care for you so little that breaking up with me would make a difference?”

You blinked a few times, almost unable to speak without stuttering. “What? I don’t-”

Gently hushing you, he cupped your cheek, his thumb drying your eyes. “I’m not gonna lie, you fucked me up pretty badly by breaking up with me. But I know why you did it, and don’t lie to me by saying it was because you stopped loving me. I can see it – I know you still love me, I still love you, too. But you know I’m no good and you wanted to save me the pain for later.

“I fuckin’ miss you, sweetheart. You were the best thing that ever happened to me. When you were there, I didn’t need drugs or alcohol to feel something, you could just hold my hand, and it would give me the same rush. Whenever you’d come to The Hideout, you were the only person who mattered, even if a hundred people were there, as long as my girl was there, it would be a great show.

I’d give anything to have you back, but I know we can’t, and I,” he paused to catch his breath, “I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you needed me to be.”

You almost started crying again when you saw him upset, you pressed your forehead against his and closed her eyes, with him doing the same. “You might not have been my first love, Eddie. But I wanted you to be my last… I still do, I still want you to be my last. I still want a forever with you, but we can’t have it anymore and I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I can’t give you that.”

The pair of you held each other in silence after that, the floodgates finally opening for both of you, and the tears freely came down. The bell rang to signal the end of lunchbreak, causing you both to laugh through your tears and clamber to your feet, your hand automatically sliding into Eddie’s.

Once you realised what you had done, you quickly let go of his hand. You both did your best to wipe your eyes and try to make it less obvious that you’d been crying but your spoiled makeup and Eddie’s puffy eyes gave it away pretty quickly.

You stared at each other, trying to figure out what to say and where you should go after the words you’d exchanged. You knew you couldn’t get back together, but you couldn’t go back to never speaking to each other, either. So, the obvious third option would be to become friends but even that would be a difficult idea.

“So, what happens now?” Eddie asked.

“I don’t know,” you answered, shrugging your shoulders. “I guess we take things a day at a time.”

[firstdegreefangirl]

Four months of reading wrap up!

It's fine, I'm a mess, life has been a lot, but I HAVE been reading! I just ... haven't been keeping up with the mini-reviews, but I finally sat down and did them all, so you get them in a dump! February, March, April and May below the cut, all in one fell swoop.

Godspeed.

Feb 2024 Reading Wrap-Up 

Total books read: 7  Total pages read: 2,038  Days read: 28/29  Average star rating: 4.14  Bookcase Roulette Books: 2  DNF: 1 

Mermaid Inn by Jenny Holiday  ⭐⭐⭐⭐ ⭐  I LOVED this one! It was a Roulette pull to start the month, and within the first 20 pages, I was bullying my friends into reading it too (you’re welcome, Daisy!) The story absolutely captivated me, everything a small-town romance should be. She left town a decade ago, heartbroken over her high school sweetheart. Now she’s back, unwillingly, and he’s the chief of police. I mean, truly, every small-town trope, right down to bickering between the hardware store owner and the drugstore owner. And it. Is. Perfect. There are at least two more in the series, and I WILL be back for them. I can’t say much more without spinning into a detailed breakdown of the plot, but trust me. Go read this one. 

The Wakeup Call by Beth O’Leary  ⭐⭐⭐⭐(¾)  Listen. I didn’t set out to read two hotel romances back to back this month. But if Beth O’Leary writes it, and I see it at the local library, I have to find out what it is. And what it is, is delightful! This was laugh out loud funny, just the right amount of emotional, and so so so accurate for hotel work (except that their ceiling cave in was literal, and mine are almost always metaphorical). The only thing I didn’t absolutely love was how heavily it leaned on miscommunication to make the plot stick. If at any point, the two MCs had sat down for even one honest conversation, the whole story would have gone differently. Personally, I can’t stand that level of communication breakdown as a plot device, but everything else was good enough that I’d still absolutely recommend it as a solid read. 

Real Men Knit by Kwana Jackson  ⭐⭐⭐(¼)  I ... I wanted to like this one more than I did. It should have been perfect for me. I mean, c’mon; romance novels, knitting, and an author I love? Sign me up. Or, actually. It was fine, I’m not mad at the story or anything. I wanted to finish it, I was interested to know what happened next, and then it was all perfectly fine. It’s cute enough, it has a happy ending, but very little really stood out to me.   

In a Holidaze by Christina Lauren  ⭐⭐⭐⭐  Christmas in February! I’ve been excited to read this one for a few months, and finally pulled it off of the shelf. I’m not usually one for time-loop romances or love triangles, but this time loop romance with a love triangle is the exception. It’s fun, it’s funny, it’s festive, I had a blast reading it. What more is there to say? 

The Exception to the Rule by Christina Lauren  ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐  I picked this off my Kindle on the criteria of “it’s got to be short,” because I had tickets for an author release party the same night I started it and wanted to make time for the book I was going to get there (more on that later). It was adorable and perfect, and I wanted a full-length novel so badly, but I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t have worked as well if it were that long. It’s an e-mail romance that spans for years, in the slowest slowburn timeline that’s ever flown right by.  

Drop, Cover and Hold On by Jasmine Guillory  ⭐⭐⭐(¼)  This one came from the same series of Valentine’s Day shorts as the last book, the same day, still trying to finish up my shift before the book event. It was cute enough, but I was perfectly satisfied with it as a short story, I didn’t feel particularly interested in getting more of the story. 

Black Ties and White Lies by Kat Singleton  ⭐⭐⭐ ⭐ (½)  So what happened was that my favorite bookstore hosted an author event from a local romance writer. I’d never heard of her, but I LOVE my local indie, so of course I bought a ticket and went (this review is not about the event, but I will say that she says her grandma is her most loyal reader, even for the smut scenes, and I still haven’t recovered from thinking about MY grandma reading MY smut, even though I’m writing this in May). The release party was for the second book in this series, but of course I had to buy the first one too. I’m not usually a billionaire romance girly, but this one was FANTASTIC. Fun fact: it originally got 3.25 stars, but I’m still thinking about it all these months later, so I had to move it up a little bit. 

DNF: A Desirable Residence

March 2024 Reading Wrap-Up 

Total books read: 8  Total pages read: 1,926  Days read: 20/31  Average star rating: 4.03  Bookcase Roulette Books: 3 

The Rom Con by Devon Daniels  ⭐⭐⭐⭐  I grabbed this one from a library display before I realized it’s the same author as Meet You in the Middle, which was one of my favorite reads last year. It’s super cute! I loved watching Cassidy try to push against the vintage dating tips, even as they worked to keep her and her rival in orbit with each other. The funny parts made me laugh out loud, the heartwarming parts brought a tear to my eye, and in between I just wanted to know what would happen next. 

Up in the Air: A Millionaire CEO & Single Mom Romance Novella by Eden Webber  ⭐⭐⭐(¼)  Look. I was at the laundromat, I finished the knitting I had brought and my laundry was still in the dryer. So I ran a quick round of virtual bookcase roulette and it turned up this. I wanted to know how the story ended, so I kept reading, but the characters grated on my nerves a little bit. If you like pushy, overly assertive male LIs, this might be more your speed than it was mine. 

Cowboy in Her Classroom by Pam Pantovani  ⭐⭐⭐⭐(½)  This was such a sweet delight to read! I loved the characters, I loved the premise. The kiddo felt so authentic (which is absolutely a pet peeve of mine – kids need to feel like kids, not infants or short adults) and I was genuinely just as invested in her relationship with Presley as I was her dad’s. Absolutely cannot wait for the right mood to reread and enjoy this one all over again! 

Make the Bread, Buy the Butter by Jennifer Reese  ⭐⭐⭐⭐  I don’t usually “read” cookbooks, but this one is almost as much personal essay as it is recipes. A Tumblr post pointed me toward the author’s essay about bagels and cream cheese, which got me placing her cookbook on hold at the library. I love how the focus is on the balance between things that are worth making from scratch versus things that are easier/better to just buy yourself (the dichotomy between hotdog and hamburger buns was particularly fascinating). And the author includes a metric for effort with each recipe, not just cost-effectiveness, which excites me as someone who loves to be in a kitchen but is short on free time. I can make the things that are truly worth it, and fit with my schedule, but she reminded me that there’s no shame in buying things at the store either (unlike some other cookbooks I’ve read). Some of the recipes require specialty equipment or ingredients, but there’s an appendix at the back to help with sourcing, There aren’t enough recipes I’d use to justify the space to own a copy, but it’s definitely reframed how I think about the time I spend cooking and preparing food. 

The Charm Offensive by Alison Cochrun  ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐  I was stressed, I needed a comfort read, it’s just as good now as it always is, if you haven’t read this book yet you should go do that. 

Final Shot by Stacey Lynn  ⭐⭐(½)  How bad can a hockey romance be, really? Especially a friends-to-enemies-to-lovers hockey romance? But this one sure pushed the line. As with most of my least favorite romances, the whole thing would have taken three pages if the MCs had just sat down and had one single conversation about their feelings. And when they did have that conversation, the story ended. For the love of god, talk to each other!  

Jingle Ale the Way by Sarah Everly  ⭐⭐⭐⭐  I’ll admit it: I was hustling toward the end of the month and SUPER BUSY so I was looking for something short and sweet. And this fit the bill! I’ll take Christmas vibes all year round, and while it had a little bit of the Little Women hair pin/tie clip energy, it fueled the conflict well enough that I didn’t mind too much.  

Just for the Summer by Abby Jimenez  ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐  I scored an ARC (thanks, Facebook reading group!) and had been holding onto it until I had time to enjoy it properly. Which ended up being on a night audit I didn’t want to work, when I could sit down and read the whole thing cover to cover in almost one sitting (I was 30 pages from the end when I got off work, so I went home and read the ending before I went to bed). It’s THAT GOOD. I haven’t read any of her other books, even though this one is third in its series, but I didn’t feel like I was missing any context for anything. There are Easter eggs, I know (again, thanks Facebook), but I could absolutely enjoy the story outside of them. And now I’m waiting for just the right moments to read everything else she’s ever written. 

April 2024 Reading Wrap-Up 

Total books read: 5  Total pages read: 917  Days read: 18/30  Average star rating: 3.35  Bookcase Roulette Books: 3  DNF: 1 

Lizzie Blake’s Best Mistake by Mazey Eddings  ⭐⭐⭐⭐  Those of you playing along at home might remember how much I enjoyed A Brush With Love, so I was super excited to get to the next book in the series! It was a fun read, but a little bit less my speed. Pregnancy trope is never going to be my favorite, and in places I found myself frustrated by how the characters were pushing themselves together because of the baby. That said, Lizzie and Rake were well-written, rounded characters, and I wanted to see them figure it out. I was definitely less invested in this one than I’ve been in other books, so it took a while to get through, but I did enjoy it. 

Falling For the Best Man by Ally Decker  ⭐⭐(½)  April was a Kindle-heavy reading month, while I worked toward getting all of my books unpacked in my new house, starting with this shortie that I drew at random. It was ... not for me. When I wasn’t reading it, I wasn’t that curious about what I was missing in the story. The MCs didn’t communicate well enough – it's hard for me to enjoy a book where the entire conflict could be solved by just one adult conversation, and this story would have ended immediately if they had discussed their feelings honestly.But it did pass some time at work, so I guess there’s that. 

Hearts on Fire by Christina Berry  ⭐⭐⭐⭐(½)  Oh, this book was DELIGHTFUL! I mean, a small-town, firefighter, cat dad romance novel? What’s not to love? I was invested, I was entertained, I was absolutely along for whatever this story had to offer. It gets into some heavy portrayals of loss, anxiety and PTSD, along with tangential mentions of alcohol abuse, so read at your own risk, but everything is handled with empathy and love. Truly, my biggest complaint is just that the story ended at all.  

Lovers at the Museum by Isabel Allende  ⭐⭐(¼)  Listen. They can’t all be winners. And maybe if you like paranormal-type stories more than I do, this might be a better read. As it is, I would have DNF’d if it were more than 25 pages. The story didn’t engage me, and I couldn’t figure out how it was supposed to work. You might like it, but I did not.  

Claimed by the Mountain Man by Carly Keene  ⭐⭐⭐(½)  This was fun and cheesy and predictable and who doesn’t love a mountain man falling for the pretty girl who runs the cupcake food truck? I usually end up reading novellas at the end of the month, when I’m busy and trying to squeeze reading time in, but they’re just less exciting for me because the stories have to move so fast, and that was absolutely true here. It felt rushed, but that’s fair for what it is. My personal tastes just lean a little more toward slow burns and/or detailed, drawn out romances. With a couple hundred more pages, it might’ve been a 4 or 5 star. 

DNF: 24 Hours in Paris. I read one chapter and I was bored, so I stopped. 

May 2024 Reading Wrap-Up 

Total books read: 5  Total pages read: 1,490  Days read: 18/30  Average star rating: 4.45  Bookcase Roulette Books: 2  DNF: 2 

Kissing Bandit by Margaret Rose  ⭐⭐⭐⭐(¾)  I bought her first book on Indie Bookstore Day last year, and I haven’t stopped thinking about it. So when Margaret Rose was doing a signing at my favorite indie this year, it was a no-brainer. I’d put it off for a bit because I wasn’t sure exactly what it would be about, but I can’t pass up a signed, personalized copy. And I’m SO GLAD I did, because this was fantastic! There’s a perfect balance of the romance between the MC and the LI, and strong friendships between her and the other ladies in town. It’s cute, it’s fluffy, it wasn’t quite as perfect for me as Sink or Sell, but still an absolutely incredible read. 

The Burnout by Sophie Kinsella  ⭐⭐⭐⭐ (¾)  I’ve seen this one on shelves quite a bit lately, but hadn’t read it ... mostly because I wasn’t quite ready for the book to read me right back. But I was finally ready (for the book, and some changes in my own life), and I picked up a copy on an impromptu walk to the library near my house. It’s been a MINUTE since I read Sophie Kinsella, but the Shopaholic series are some of the first books I remember reading from the adult side of the library. This one absolutely lived up to my expectations. Her books are so honest feeling, without shying away from character flaws or the hard parts of real life. It was laugh out loud funny, and yes, absolutely did call me out on my own bullshit in a few places. 

The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton  ⭐⭐⭐⭐  I read this in middle school – didn't we all – and honestly it hadn’t crossed my mind to reread for years. But the Broadway musical opened recently, and everything I’d seen about it was incredible. I mean, just ... this isn’t a musical review, but y’all have no idea how long it’s been since I listened to a cast album and didn’t want to skip a single track. The week before it came out, I decided to reread the book because I didn’t remember much about the story itself. This is now the second time I’ve revisited something I didn’t love in school and come to really appreciate it as an adult (and the second time that book has been turned into a musical ... stay tuned to see if I reread Gatsby next!). There’s SO MUCH about this book that was lost on me as a 12-year-old, from plot points to the sheer impact it had on me. I hadn’t realized how quickly it all happens: from the drive-in to the church to the rumble and the convenience store, it’s the span of like ... a week. And these characters ... they’re kids. The oldest brother is 20, trying to keep up with 14 and 16-year-old siblings while they figure out lives without their parents on the wrong side of Tulsa. It wasn’t the most gripping story I’ve ever read, but the more and longer I think about it, the more it all sinks in. And yes, the opening/closing line is even better than I remembered it being, in terms of setting up the entire book as the theme. 

You, With a View by Jessica Joyce  ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐  This was a blind date with a book from the above-mentioned favorite indie last summer, but I’d been waiting for the perfect time to read it. It’s FANTASTIC, probably top five for the year so far. There’s romance, there’s grief, there’s family real and found (and we all know I LOVE found family), and there’s a cross-country road trip. It’s spicy, delightfully so, funny and heartfelt, and gave me a wonderful escape from a few long days. (and no, they’re not cousins, which was never my working theory, but apparently warrants clarification). 

Unfollowed by Megan Phelps-Roper  ⭐⭐⭐(¾)  I added a nonfiction book to my reading goals for the month, and then the month was basically over. So I roulette’d something from my shelf and landed on this. I was interested in it, but a little worried because it’s LONG (and was right to be worried, I finished it at like 9:30 p.m. on the last day of the month, in a final push to hit my goal). Every word was well-selected and thought-provoking, and shined light on a story I thought I knew. It was a pretty far jump from the light and fluffy reading I generally trend toward, and also particularly difficult for me personally having grown up so geographically close to the church. I know the landmarks, I know the streets Megan is talking about, and I know exactly what it looked like to drive by a protest. What I didn’t know, though, was the context surrounding some of them, and I’m really glad I finally made time to get through this one, even though I don’t see myself reading it again. 

DNF: Parents Behaving Badly, Hotel Scarface 

[hazardworld]

Hey Tumblr friends! One of my Ao3 fics “Dustin’s a Damn Good Ally,” got somewhat popular. However, every time I read it, I can’t help but note all the grammatical/spelling errors, the simplicity of text, and sheer lack of description.

I don’t want to completely change and destroy it though, because even with all its faults, it did make people happy.

Therefore, I’ve decided to preserve it before I edit it. On here, I’ll be posting the ORIGINAL chapter-by-chapter, with a link to the EDITED one on Ao3 (when it goes up).

———

Chapter 1— Confessions by the Dumpsters

Ao3 Link

Originally Posted 1.1.23/Edited 9.1.23

Summary: Dustin's dad sucks, and Will is heartbroken

(Queer author saying queer is used both positive and negative here)

———

On Dustin’s first day of 6th grade, he was called 'toothless.' That was a generic, appearance-based insult, something similar to insults he’d gotten in the past. It didn’t hurt him, he knew it was just a name.

The same people who called him toothless called Will 'a queer.'

Dustin knew what that meant.

When he was 7, his dad had called him 'a queer' and other words he wouldn’t repeat, and he and his mother had quickly left their small Minnesotan town for Hawkins, Indiana.

Dustin knew the effect that word had on people.

So, he kept defending Will. It didn’t matter if will was actually gay or not, the word still hurt, and he made sure the other two in their squadron of 4 knew how bad of an insult it truly was. Mike didn’t really get it.

That school year, he kept Will under close watch, making sure to always have a snack and some tissues on hand, keeping an eye on his emotions and the people around him.

That’s when Dustin noticed something interesting: Will’s body language always showed shyness around Mike, and Dustin would’ve been damned if he didn’t catch the small smiles and pinked cheeks Will got when talking to the other boy.

So maybe Will was queer, after all.

Not that that was a bad thing!

Obviously!

Duh.

But obviously, that insult had merit to it. Merit confirmed the night of the Snow Ball, when Dustin watched as his good friend forlornly watched Mike slow dance with their new friend El, and decided to make his way over, linking his arms with the other 8th grader.

"Dustin? What—"

"Shhhh…" Dustin put a silent finger to his lips, "Wanna head outside and talk for a bit? It’s not like any of us are getting the dates we want," Will’s brow furrowed, obviously confused at Dustin’s specific wording, but he nodded, and Dustin led the way to the back parking lot, where he knew no one would be there to listen.

"So…" Will said after the door closed, "What’s up? Here to complain about…girls?" Dustin smiled warmly, sitting on the concrete steps below, patting down a space next to him. Will sat.

"Will, I want to ask you something, and I need an honest answer, ok? No judgement." Will’s eyes went wide with panic, as if he knew the question Dustin was about to ask. He probably did, if Dustin was gonna be honest.

"I’m—I’m gay," He whispered the term hurriedly, tears starting to form on his cheeks, "if that’s what you’re asking." Dustin grinned.

"I was gonna ask if you like Mike, but sure, yeah, that works too." Suddenly, Will just started sobbing, and Dustin pressed him into a deep hug, not realizing that he was starting to cry softly, too.

"Fuck, Dustin, I like him and he only likes her and it hurts!" Dustin used his hand to rub Will’s back in circles, something Ma did for him whenever he needed a good cry.

"Well, Will, Mike’s kinda a douche, ok? He’s a well-meaning douche, but a douche.” He felt Will nod beside him, and he kept rubbing his back. Suddenly, Will drew away from Dustin, putting his hands on the older preteen’s shoulders.

“So you don’t hate me for being…’a queer’?” Will whispered the term, and off of instinct, Dustin grimaced. This instantly sent the wrong message, as Will backed away quickly, panic streaking across both boys’ faces.

“Shit, Will, oh my god, I didn’t mean that like that!” Will’s face still reeked of fear, but now with the added dose of confusion, “I could never hate you for being queer dude, that’s a dick move!” Dustin watched Will sigh in relief, the confusion still there.

“So then…why’d you make that face?” Dustin sighed, looking down.

“I dunno. Just the way you said that…didn’t hit right for me. Felt like you were hurting yourself. It’s stupid, sorry,” Will grinned, pulling Dustin in for another brief hug.

“Don’t be. It’s cool. Thanks for…being cool with all this.” Dustin grinned, “I haven’t exactly come out to anyone yet, but I think my mom and brother know.” Dustin nodded. He wouldn’t say how or why, but he knew they did, and that they were safe. Really, that’s all that mattered.

“So…enough talking about my shitty love life, how’s yours?” Will grinned, and Dustin rolled his eyes.

“Dude, Steve taught me all his popular jock boy tricks and none of them are working!” Will laughed, “I thought I’d be a chick magnet tonight, but here I am with you talking about unrequited love.” He groaned lightly, pinching his hand to the bridge of his nose, and Will patted him on the back.

"Shitty love lives together, eh?"

They chatted back there until Lucas grabbed them 20 minutes later, saying Steve was there to pick them all up.

Later, Dustin realized he became Will’s crush confidante: he was the only person who explicitly knew, so Will would come to him or walkie him asking for advice, or to rant, or to even just ponder.

It was nice to have that relationship: partner work was almost always Dustin-Lucas and Will-Mike, so it was great getting closer to another member of the party he didn't spend as much time with. Will was kind and thoughtful, and also a real snark when he got into it.

Truly, Dustin thought it was all pretty bitchin'.

———

It is my firm belief Dustin is the first one to clock Will at the Snow Ball, and everyone's better for it.

Also, the kid has absolutely no social cues. This will be a reoccurring theme.

Chapter 2/6

[twilightmalachite]

Altered - Heaven and Hell 22

Author: Akira

Characters: Tsumugi, Rei

Translator: Mika Enstars

"I suppose I’ve become emotionally unstable after everything that’s happened to me. My mother would also cry or lose her temper without warning if things went badly, am I like that too?"

Season: Winter

Location: Yumenosaki Academy Library

⚠️ This is an import from a unproofed Twitter Livetweet!

2 years ago in the winter. Shortly after the subjugation of the Five Eccentrics that marked the end of the war…

Tsumugi: —and then everyone lived happily forever.

Happily, ever after.

… …

Rei: O~i, what’s up, Aoba-kun? You’re looking rather melancholy.[1]

Rei: Hold on, could it be that you’re crying?

Tsumugi: I-I should be the one saying "what’s up". Whats up with that grandpa-like way of speaking, Rei-kun?

Rei: Just thinking about retiring for a while, so I’m searching for a suitable character for that.

Rei: I’ve gotten real bored of this “Superstar Sakuma Rei” character.

Tsumugi: The incongruity is amazing.

Rei: Yeah. I feel surprisingly at ease with it, I like it.

Welp, I guess it’ll take some time t’ease into. I cant help but feel uncomfortable in the end, ‘specially in front of people who already know me.

Tsumugi: Mhm. Your typical tone of voice suits you better, Rei-kun.

When you use such a grandfatherly tone like that, it’s like I’ve suddenly become a stranger, and I feel uneasy.

Rei: Hmm~. It sounds like you’re sayin’ that from the bottom of your heart.

What’s goin’ on with you, Tsumugi? You’ve become quite the emotional person, havent’cha? Even now, it looked like you were cryin’ from gettin’ emotionally involved in that book!

Tsumugi: Yeah… I’m a little surprised, myself.

These days, I’ve been really enjoying reading.

Rei: Oh?

Tsumugi: I’ve been very captivated by books that before I’d simply skim through. I feel thrilled by the adventurous tales within, feel heartbroken by the tragic loves, and cry.

I wonder why. I don’t know why, but all of a sudden I’ve been like this.

I suppose I’ve become emotionally unstable after everything that’s happened to me. My mother would also cry or lose her temper without warning if things went badly, am I like that too?

Rei: Nahh. You, emotionally unstable?

That ain’t it. You’re just finally startin’ to experience those emotions.

Tsumugi: … …

Rei: Typically, humanity is learned naturally through contact with your parents and friends when you’re a child.

You’ve finally got yours after a miserable war.

Babies learn the concept of “laughing” when their parents laugh at them.

You were never able to have that opportunity, though. Your family ain’t a functioning family.

Yet, despite such an environment, you’ve been playin’ the role of the big brother at a training school since you were young, and had to be always takin’ care of lil’ kids.

Ya don’t need emotion in that work. As long as you fulfill your function, that’s all that matters.

So ya continued to operate solely as a convenient machine, while you, who should’ve been at the back of it all, were ignored.

But, at Yumenosaki, even someone like you has to expose yourself.

Inspired by those who truly live, you’ve been forced to pull yourself out.

During the war, you’ve had many upon many heart-to-heart clashes with others. You cried, laughed, and got angry together with everyone…

Those emotions sprouted, grew steadily, and took root inside of you.

Now you’re able to laugh and cry, and empathize with the tragedies and comedies in stories that never resonated with you before.

Since it’s somethin’ you experienced before, somethin’ you felt before, you can understand it from experience.

The reason we are moved by a story is because we can connect it to our own experiences.

And you’ve had quite a lot of those “experiences” through just the short duration of the war.

That’s why these stories are able to move ya.

That’s all there is to it, Tsumugi.

You were finally born as a human being, after becomin’ a highschool student.

…Congratulations on your birth, my friend.

Tsumugi: ? It’s not my birthday today, though~?

Rei: Hahah, guess you’re not quite there yet. Take your time growin’ up, lil’ baby.

Tsumugi: Hah… Anyways, Rei-kun, do you have something to do with me? Or, did you just happen to be passing by?

Rei: Right, I’m jus’ here to check up on the school.

There’s been a strange rumor goin’ around lately. That the Five Eccentrics are gatherin’ and are plannin’ to strike back at the student council.

Tsumugi: Ah, there is a rumor like that, yeah.

Something about… the Five Eccentrics forming a unit, so they can challenge and defeat the fine that had subjugated them.

But… You’re clever, so I’m sure you already know this, Rei-kun, but it’s just a baseless fabrication put out there by the student council.

Rei: I figured it would be somethin’ like that but… Hm~, is that true?

Glad to hear. There was the possibility of Natsume seriously considerin’ a plot of revenge. So I came all the way over here, just in case.

Seems I was worryin’ for nothin’. Good, that’s a relief.

Tsumugi: Natsume-kun does seem to be in a bit of a dangerous spot. I can’t help but worry about him.

We had a bonfire together the other day, and he was looking like he had reached his limit. I tried to tell him this and that for the time being, but…

After hurting him, I feel anything I say will only add fuel to his fire.

Rei: The fact he feels bothered by your words I’m sure just means that he feels your presence has weight to him.

If it were anyone else sayin’ it, he would ignore it.

Tsumugi: Is that so… I wonder if my existence is still at least a bit significant in his mind, then.

If so, it’s a terrible thing to say, but, it’d make me kinda happy.

Because I like him. I really do.

Rei: You seem to really like him, despite the fact he keeps hittin’ and stompin’ on ya mercilessly for some reason. It’s kinda unnervin’, he your abusive boyfriend or somethin’?

If ya don’t correct those sorts of misaligned feelings, you’ll have a hard time livin’, ya know.

Tsumugi: Hmm~, I guess that’s a part of myself even I don’t know what to do about.

It’s something that’s not easy to do right away.

Rei: Welp, it’s fine to take your time growin’ up, lil’ baby.

Tsumugi: I’m not exactly red though, if anything, I’m blue~?[2]

Rei: Ahaha, that misalignment of your personality there is exactly what makes ya so both so interestin’ and so irritatin’!

← prev | story directory | next →

Rei’s speaking in the “grandfather”-esque fashion that we’re used to in this and the following line here. He drops it after that.

A difficult one to translate smoothly here; the word for baby is “akachan” (赤ちゃん), the “aka” meaning “red”. It’s derived from how red appears. Tsumugi jokes that he’s more of an “aochan” (青ちゃん) here. He just swapped “red” out with “blue”. It’s the same ao as in aoba, or aotori (bluebird).

[booklr-nova]

IT END WITH US

Book Review

Want the naked truth about It Ends with Us? Reading this book will change your life. It’s so different from any of Colleen Hoover’s other books. You can tell it’s heavier, more personal, just more. This book is deep. It’s profound. It’s a book that needs to be read. I'll repeat: THIS IS A BOOK THAT NEEDS TO BE READ!

This story is moving. It will make you think about things that are uncomfortable to think about. It will lift your heart, devastate you at times, make you proud, fill you with sorrow and make you smile. It will move you. It’s powerful and intense in the best way, but also has hopeful and lighter moments. The story itself is one that has been heavy on my heart from the moment I finished it.

Sometimes, I read a book and it’s so beautiful, influential and emotional I will cry just thinking about the characters and their story. Not in a bad way necessarily, I just get that moved and that emotional while thinking about it. That is this book. Trying to find the words for this review is bringing me to tears. It’s hard to explain the story completely spoiler free, but this isn’t a ‘sad’ book. It’s a strength book. Because dealing with the issues in this story took so much strength.

I’m not going to talk about the actual story at all, but I will speak a bit about the characters. Lily. Speaking of strength, Lily may be the strongest heroine that I’ve read about. Your strength is really tested when you are put in a hard situation where your choices are impossible. I loved Lily so much. I was proud of Lily and the choices she made. I want to be Lily when I grow up.

Fifteen seconds. That’s all it takes to completely change everything about a person. Fifteen seconds that we’ll never get back.

There are two men in this story, but please don’t think this is a triangle book. It’s not. It’s hard to explain, but it’s not. Ryle is a charming guy. He’s a giving person. He’s got a lot of great attributes. I’m not sure if I’ve ever felt so conflicted over a character as I did him. Atlas is the type of man I always have a soft spot for as a reader. His story gutted me at times, but he is also a character with a lot of strength and so much beauty. I loved Atlas from the second I met him and that love never stopped throughout the book.

“Lily?” he whispers, looking at me sincerely. “You just might be the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Aside from the three main characters in the story, Lily’s mom played a prominent part. Their relationship played an even bigger part. Ryle’s sister and Lily’s best friend Alyssa was one of my favorite characters in this book. When things got hard, she was there. One line she said in the book, to Lily just solidified the type of woman she was. Coleen always writes that one side character that you love so hard in her stories, and Alyssa was that character for me. I can’t not mention Ellen, because, well, it’s Ellen. That part was brilliant. It made me smile every time Ellen was mentioned.

When reading this book, there were moments I struggled between not being able to tear my eyes away from the page, and others I had to take a breather because I couldn't handle what was going on. Parts of this story left me so heartbroken, and others lifted me up so high. There are some parts that are just so powerful I could only read them in awe. This is it. This is why I read. Books like this.

All humans make mistakes. What determines a person’s character aren’t the mistakes we make. It’s how we take those mistakes and turn them into lessons rather than excuses.

Colleen Hoover is an author who truly has a way with words. She killed this book. I’ve read and loved all of CoHo’s books. Some of her earlier books are some of my all-time favorites. I’ve enjoyed all of her latest books, but this is by far the best book she’s ever written. And it’s tied with Hopeless as my own personal favorite book by her. And that is saying a lot, because Hopeless is one of my top books ever.

If you only read one book this year, let it be It Ends with Us. Everyone needs to read this book. 5+ star favorite. Completely unforgettable and highly recommended!

“It stops here. With me and you. It ends with us.”

PURCHASE HERE

[arielleej]

Why I’m crying over Bumbleby

I was originally thinking about doing this on Twitter but after spending several hours browsing both it and Tumblr I came to the conclusion that Tumblr is just better for long-form content. Plus a huge number of the RWBY content creators (be they artists, fanfiction authors, or otherwise) that I follow or whose work I consume are here anyway, so I figure they must know something I don’t.

Anyway I wanted to talk about why I was so emotionally affected by Bumbleby finally getting their moment, and why as a member of the single most over-represented demographic in “western” media (i.e. a Caucasian cishet male) that I found it mattering to me.

For most of my life I’ve been bombarded by cishet romances in media. And like, that’s fine, but they start to lose any kind of meaning if they’re in literally everything you consume. I think the last one that I really felt emotionally connected to was Yennefer and Geralt in Witcher 3. Coming into that game with no prior experience left me with no biases towards any of the potential love interests, and their journey to reconciliation while trying to find their missing kid was something I found truly special.

Other than that one, most of the relationships I really felt connected to in media I’ve consumed have been gay. I think - and I have no idea if I’m right about this or not - that the reason for this is gay romances have to try so much harder to be valid and real than straight ones do. The lengths the characters go through to show how much they care for each other is just mesmerizing.

That’s the kind of love I want to have in my own life.

The first example of this to me was Femshep/Liara in Mass Effect. When I finished Mass 3 for the first time I was a depressed, sobbing, mess. I spent almost an entire weekend in my bed crying. I recognize that a lot of the lines Shepard uses are similar no matter what relationship you choose to pursue, but something about Jennifer Hale and Ali Hillis’ line delivery was incredible. I suspect that no small part of my attachment was a result of Liara being the only character you can have a relationship with spanning all three games.

A more recent example was Bill and Frank from The Last of Us on HBO. We were only given one episode (a long one, granted) but was enough to get me hook, line, and sinker. Doing domestic shit like secretly planting strawberries as a surprise gift, or establishing a trade network through some friends made on the radio (or online, to use a current day analogue) is what I live for. As for the ending, I would’ve done exactly the same in Bill’s place. 

Which brings us back to Blake and Yang.

I’ll be the first to admit that it took me until V6 to figure it out. Specifically it took Arryn Troche (https://twitter.com/dontyoudarryn) pointing out in their V6 reactions that the interactions between Blake and Yang are clearly romantic in nature. Specifically the scene where Yang is dropping Blake off to go sabotage the radar tower, and Yang says “Go” in the softest voice fucking imaginable. After that point, it all made sense.

Yang trying her hardest to coax Blake out from behind the anti-social defenses she had built up in V1/V2. Yang being the one to knock Blake out of her self-destructive spiral in V2. How heartbroken Yang was when Blake didn’t believe her story about the match with Mercury. Yang stepping in to protect Blake from Adam without a moment’s hesitation.

And then in V4 (and subsequently the comics) Yang is utterly heartbroken because this girl that she felt something for - even if it’s clear she didn’t know what it was exactly - just vanished after the most traumatic event of her life. Again it wasn’t until after V6 that I realized “A part of me is gone and it’s never coming back” was not only talking about her arm, but also the fact that Blake took her heart when she ran.

It’s pretty clear from the comics and V4/V5 that Blake realized what Yang meant to her while she was in Menagerie. But Yang wasn’t there and in order to get back to Yang to fight for her again, she first needed to fight for herself and what she believed in. She fights to win her parent’s love again (easy), she fights to convince the people to help her stop Adam (medium), and she fights to redeem one of her oldest and closest friends (hard). Only then is she able to take on the most difficult challenge in V6 - fighting for her future with Yang.

By the time we get to V7/8 it’s pretty clear that Blake knows how Yang feels about her, even if Yang doesn’t understand it herself. She laughs at every stupid joke Yang makes, makes a fool of herself dancing just so she can spend time with her, and spends time putting on makeup - all to try and coax Yang into giving a voice to their feelings. Honestly one of their best scenes is in V7 discussing how to talk to Robyn. They initially disagree on the approach but talk it out, and Yang is the one to come up with the solution based on Blake’s feelings.

It’s obvious to us as the audience that Yang is a total goner for Blake, and that’s even more true in V8 when they disagree about the best way to help Mantle and in the aftermath the thing that Yang is concerned about the most is if she somehow hurt Blake’s feelings.

Which brings us to V9C6.

To me the most beautiful thing about that scene is how all Blake did was give Yang the safety to talk about her feelings, and immediately validate them once they were given voice. Blake knew what she wanted and never doubted for a second what Yang wanted, even if Yang doubted herself. 

Just like Yang said, Blake never gave up on them.

That’s the kind of shit that makes me cry.

[graveyardparty]

The Bard and the Dungeon Master

summary: Tommy Morrigan did not want to die like this. Not now, not here, and not in-front of him.

warnings: angst, mentions of blood, death, self-destructive thoughts.

pairing: Eddie Munson x male!oc

word count: 2.7k

authors note: this isn’t the first thing I’ve ever written, but it is the first thing I’m posting! I'm actually quite proud of it :)

-----------------------------------------

Under any circumstances that could ever come to be: Eddie Munson and Tommy Morrigan are not to be separated.

Except just this once, and it’s through a series of truly unfortunate events that it’s come to this.

Because now Tommy Morrigan is laying on the ground in a place he only learned the existence of days ago. Just days ago he was sitting in his best friends trailer and his biggest worry was the next Hellfire meeting and if Eddie would like the additions he’s made to his character and—oh god. Eddie. Tommy is wide awake now and painfully aware of the gashes across his body the demobats had created and just for a second his life flashes before his eyes and he’s terrified that that's all it lasts. He thinks it should’ve been longer. Thinks he should’ve listened to more music, listened to more music with Eddie, Graduated with Eddie, spent more time with Eddie. All he is doing and all he can do now is think about his idiot of a best friend and the thought that immediately follows is how he has no right calling Eddie the idiot when he was the one who made him and Dustin go through the gate first because he knew, he knew, that if Eddie was the last one to go he would’ve made a stupid impulsive decision,

The same stupid impulsive decision Tommy himself had just made.

He tries to convince himself that there wasn’t enough time. That there was only just barely enough for two people to get through, that the creatures clawing their way through Eddie Munsons bedroom door wouldn’t be held back for much longer, and that if he hadn’t ran from that trailer he had spent so many days in at this point that they probably added up to years by now then the demobats would have gotten through and gotten to the surface, they would have gotten to Eddie.

So Tommy ran. He ran, and he ran, and he ran until he tripped over a rock. A rock of all things is going to be the thing that ultimately leads to Tommy Morrigans death. To the death of a kid who refuses to play as anything but a Bard in DnD because it goes against his entire being to do anything except play music even in fiction. Tommy is heartbroken that his character he spent hours creating and building is going to be left all alone now despite logically knowing that he isn’t real and that he is simply a persona he takes on every Friday evening around a table with a friend in every seat and his favourite person at the head sitting in a chair he called his throne that he had actually went to classes for in order to build. He almost laughs at how he’s thinking of Dungeons and Dragons right now when he’s bleeding out on the grounds of a place that looks like home but isn't home and he doesn’t understand how that can be more confusing to him than the fact that he was just being eaten alive by outlandish creatures he is sure should not exist.

His thoughts don’t calm down until out of the corner of his slowly blurring vision he sees the person all of his thoughts in the past few minutes have been about sprinting towards him with a shorter figure following behind. Eddies at his side now and desperately pressing on his wounds trying to make everything stop and keep him together just a little longer but Tommy doesn’t think he’s fully grasped just how much blood he’s lost, how much is on the ground, staining his clothes, how much is on Eddies hands, staining his clothes as well. He doesn’t register when Dustin Henderson lands on his other side but he knows it's only a few seconds later that Eddie is crying out and loudly telling him to stay awake and how all they need to do is “just get out of here” and Tommy would cry too if he didn’t think all it would do is kill him faster. He’s realizing that he’s starting to choke now and that all he can taste is iron. He can’t even speak anymore but he knows Eddie can see the panic in his eyes anyways. He takes a second to glance over to Dustin and it’s only when he sees the kids dazed look that it all really starts to set in for him. He isn’t quite ready to die. He’s thought about how he might die, but he always figured and always hoped it would be too far ahead of him for it to be a thing he worries about in the present. He looks back to Eddie with the new revelation that this is happening now and nobody could stop it even if they wanted to. Tommy makes an attempt to grab onto Eddie's hand and the boy takes it because he’s coming to the same realization as well and has never felt more sick to his stomach.

There's not much time to go now. The pain has started to ease and he knows that's not a good sign so he continues to cling onto Eddie and the other boy clings onto him too. He doesn’t feel calm. He’s read other people's recounts of their own brushes with death and wants to call them all liars for making him think that a sense of peace would reach him all the way down here. The only thing that reaches him now is Eddie's loud crying and quiet whispers of “you’re gonna be okay” against his head and he can’t remember at what point Eddie started to cradle him like that but he’s silently thankful for it.

As the last of Tommy’s life slowly drips away from him and Eddie's broken wailing grows in volume, Dustin has to look away. He’s never seen him like this before, only ever witnessed him as the overly-confident expressive man who stands on tables and shouts at the popular kids, but he always did it with Tommy. Dustin doesn’t have to see it to know it’s finally happened, the anguished scream Eddie lets out is enough for him to start crying too. He knows of the duo’s reputation, the general public had self-declared the two insane for simply being themselves without even making an attempt to get to know them first. It would have been so easy, you could never seen one without the other. Tommy was always following Eddie into whatever troubles he’d gotten into that day and Eddie was doing the same for him. Now no one would get the chance to know the Morrigan boy ever again. Sweet Tommy who had no problem joining Dustin's ever-expanding group of older brothers that he’s built around him to replace the pit his father had left in his life. He was a good brother, and Dustin is going to remember him for that.

Eddie on the other hand only seemed to be getting more haunted by the second. He never got to tell him how much he loved him. All those songs he had written were for him, everything Eddie did was for Tommy and he’d never know that. All Eddie wants is to stay in the upside down and rot. Maybe if he stays down here long enough, he can convince himself that he’ll wake up in his own bed and Tommy will be sitting there going through his vinyls and telling him his favourite songs from each album. Eddie would trade his life and more if it meant he could hear him ramble about music again. He remembers how he had begged the man to teach him guitar in 6th grade and how no one ever found out that Eddie was not the one to teach Tommy guitar, but the other way around. He doesn’t know how he can go back to that place now. If he had known that the last time this poor dead boy played his guitar was actually going to be the last time, he would’ve been doing whatever he had to do to get him to just keep playing.

With the seemingly endless darkness around them, it’s easy to lose track of time. Eddie doesn’t know how long they’ve been there and he really does not care. He doesn’t care about anything right now, the man he was—is— in love with is laying there dead on the ground, like he had never had any life in him to begin with. At some point he feels Dustin tap his shoulder, trying to get him to leave but he can't stand the thought of walking away from Tommy and leaving him down here alone.

But he has to get up at some point.

Eddie doesn’t speak when he gets the surface

He doesn’t speak for a long time.

And all his uncle has to do when he sees him next is look at him, and the empty space beside him where Tommy is supposed to be standing, and he knows that something has gone horribly, terribly wrong.

Eddie Munson doesn’t believe in a god or a higher power, but he curses every single one that even has the chance of existing for playing a part in him losing his life that day in the Upside Down. He knows Dustin visits him after, he was like Tommy in that way, only wanting to help people in any way he could. Steve shows up as well, Robin too, the following days after everything has happened are simply a revolving door of people trying to get some form of a reaction out of him to let them know that he was still in there somewhere. Eddie doesn’t think he’s really even here anymore himself and he’s not sure he can ever come back, he was a walking corpse as soon as he stepped out of the gate.

He didn't think his heart had the ability to break any more but when he sees Tommy’s mother take down her sons vandalized missing persons poster that had “psycho!” written across it in red marker, only to replace it with a brand new one, well he’s pretty sure his heart has been fully shattered by then. Knowing that his mom is still looking for him, and Eddie can’t tell her what happened, can't tell her that her son that she had been so proud of saved lives, saved his life, is making him dig his own grave.

She is going to spend the rest of her life searching for a son that no longer exists.

He has to say something. He can’t let her go on like this, continuing to take down the defaced posters and put up new ones when he knows that the one being looked for is never going to be found. Tommy always spoke so highly of Sally Morrigan, and Eddie at least owes her this, even if it's not the full story.

He walks up to where shes standing staring at the picture she used for his poster. It was taken on his 19th birthday and Tommy had been so happy just to be there, the concert tickets Eddie and his mom had chipped in to get him were his only gift and he swears he had never seen him grin that widely before. ‘Munson! You’re coming with me, right?‘ Tommy had asked him, and of course he would go with him, he would follow him anywhere he could.

There was just some places he couldn’t follow him yet. Not right now.

Eddie takes a few seconds to work up the courage to finally get Ms. Morrigans attention and when she turns around he realizes he doesn’t know what to say. He can't jump straight into telling her that her child is dead, not only that but had been killed and butchered by creatures from a dimension that she is blissfully unaware of.

All that comes out is a choked “I’m sorry. I'm so sorry, he—'' while gesturing to the poster and Eddie has to stop speaking before he starts crying again and he cannot do that right now, not when he’s trying to tell Tommy’s mother something this important.

Sally Morrigan doesn’t push him. She knows how close her son was to the boy, he never stopped talking about him. She didn't think she had ever felt more happy for her kid than when he burst through the front door after the first day of grade three practically bouncing off the walls and exclaiming “Mom! Mom! I made a friend and he’s cool!”. Eddie Munson had been at the top of her ‘good list’ ever since. Seeing him so defeated in front of her puts a sinking feeling in her stomach, already guessing what he’s about to say. She refuses to speak first, she doesn’t want it to become real. It would mean that he’s gone and perhaps somewhere inside of her she already knew this fact but she had told Tommy once that she was never going to give up on him and she was determined to keep that promise until the very, very, end.

Eddie takes a shaky breath before he speaks again, nearly whispering,

“I was with him, when everything was happening i mean, when he—he got caught on something and then he just—“ Eddies crying through his speech when he finally says the words he’s been dodging for the past few days “he's dead. I'm so sorry, I couldn’t help him, i tried, but he was too far gone. I’m sorry, he made sure me and Dustin got to safety first and then he—I'm sorry-“ he would have never stopped apologizing if Ms. Morrigan hadn’t interrupted him with a hug.

Now they’re both crying and over her shoulder he can still see Tommy’s missing persons poster looking back at him and he’s so focused in on that he almost doesn’t hear when Sally thanks him. She thanks him for being her son's friend and Eddie has to hold himself back from saying that he wanted to be so much more than that. He nods and says “he wasn’t in pain for long, you know? He went—he went quickly”, he knows that's a lie. Tommy’s last few moments of life were spent in excruciating agony, but it’s not like he can say that to his mother.

Neither are sure what more there is to say. Tommy Morrigan is dead and nobody knows how they are going to survive this without him. Sally's whole life revolved around her son. Wake up, check on Tommy, go to work, come home, check on Tommy, make dinner herself because while Sally has tried to teach her son how to cook before the boy has had no hope of being a chef, go to bed, and do it all over again. She assumes all that's left to do now is plan a funeral for a kid that never reached the stage, something that he was so close to doing, he had almost made it. Sally thinks of the fans that would have been at his shows if things had only gone differently; poor kids, what a performer they lost out on.

Sally leaves Eddie with one last sentiment of “whatever you’re blaming yourself for, he would have forgiven you” and an invite to stop by the Morrigan trailer any time.

…

Forgive him?

Forgive him?

How could he, or anyone else, forgive him for what he let happen to blameless Tommy? The kid had never done a single bad thing to anyone in his entire life and Eddie really cannot wrap his head around how the town has such a burning hatred for an innocent boy.

Officer Callahan had tried explaining to him that it was simply a “wrong place, wrong time” and that nobody was at fault, but Eddie knew.

The phrase “Wrong place, wrong time” can't push the air back into Tommy’s lungs, it can’t stabilize Eddie's breathing or make the room stop spinning—when did it start doing that?—Every word Tommy’s ever said is flashing through his mind and it’s just so loud he just wants it to be quiet for just one second—

He’s heading towards the floor before anyone can process that he’s falling. When he finally hits the ground and everything goes black and distant, he’s still thinking of Tommy.

He just wishes he was six feet under with him.

[lellokitty]

CHAT HOLY FUCKING SHIT HOLY FUCKING SHIT OH MY FUCKING GODDDDDDDD. thoughts below the read more:

first of all let me drop these two images because they are EXACTLY HOW I FUCKING FEEL RIFHT NOW. i tried to avoid reading this chapter because ive been so emotionally vulnerable recently and ive felt like absolute shit that i was sooooooo scared to read. like saint, your writing has SUCH an effect on me. like im always seated or on the edge of my seat. like you’re such a good author and i truly love reading your works even if they leave me feeling empty afterwards.

so to start off, i read this at work clocked in. i forged if it emotionally wrecked me, at least i could fill that hole by throwing myself into work.

this fucking wedding bruh. i’m so glad suguru and shoko are happy but jesus christ… like just jesus christ.

1. satoru is literally egging her fucking on why did he SEEK HER OUT??? just to say sachi calls akemi mom… like why are you starting shit??? she was on her OWN like she went for alone time and you sought her out for what???? to antagonize??? especially after you ignored her for the first dance. like nanami stepped up because YOU chose to invite akemi. you couldn’t take your eyes off yn when she walked in to the point suguru made a comment about how you lost your chance. why antagonize??

2. i’m glad that suguru came around and understands yn’s viewpoint AND said that she should tell satoru because he still loves her. like how did suguru go from hating her guys to being like yeah you need to tell him because you guys still love each other. he also just listened to her MOH speech and apparently was moved by it.

3. third wheeling again…. fucking bora bora all over again (but i do agree this was worse than bora bora)

4. that trifling friend at the campfire asking yn if she’s single… i wish she would’ve answered there so everyone would’ve seen gojo’s reaction, instead NO we have to watch him and akemi be fucking all over each other like i’m not heartbroken and in love with gojo. and then ‘kiss the hottest girl here’ and he does akemi… like does he choose her because it’s expected of him…? like that made me want to rip my fucking hair out. it’s like perks of a wallflower but this one was much much worse. like why would you ask that are you TWELVE.

4. the bora bora parallels… her being the third wheel and not saying anything for the sake of everyone else’s happiness (SOMETHING GOJO RECOGNIZED!) the lake. the necklace. i need yn to stop thinking everyone would be better off without her because that ISNT TRUE!!! like it’s obvious those around her love her so much.

5. gojo saving her from drowning this time, because suguru revealed she’s single. and gojo knows her fear of the water. i want to know what was going through his head when he got to the lake and saw her trying to drown herself.

6. throwing the necklace into the water… throwing his love away the way he threw his wedding ring and her love away in bora bora. and he searches for the necklace the way she searched for his ring. except the ring was found and the necklace wasn’t…

7. them sleeping together… akemi finding out and HITTING HIM?????? HE WAS ABUSED AS A KID WHY WOULD YOU HIT HIM???? and saying he was cheating when suguru literally said earlier that gojo hasn’t wanted to label their relationship as exclusive like GIRLLLLLLLLLLL. open your EYES. he’s clammed up at the thought of kids and marriage with you, he hasn’t labeled the relationship as exclusive. this is a situationship. and her yelling at yn like girl are you fucking kidding me. i get you’re upset but holy fucking shit talk about karma, you literally are experiencing karma

8. him going after akemi though…. i wonder why. breakup era?

other mentions: nanami the GOAT!!! offering to dance with yn like KING!!!!! the fact that even though he kissed akemi at the fire pit, he was watching yn…. the way sincerely yours is lowkey just gojo experiencing what went through in sincerely not… how will gojo react if he finds out his mom hit yn earlier on…. the “your memories were of me but you still feel in love with her” should i kms… like seriously should i. and the fucking miscommunication like SHOULD I KMS??????? SHOULD I ????

like saint im so scared for the ending. i just don’t want yn to die or for gojokemi endgame.

sincerely yours. (11)

↳ gojou satoru/reader

when a twist of fate led their marriage to the path of a quintessential tragic romance, two past lovers go through another series of experiences on love, heartbreak, identity, illness, and trauma along the road to a happily ever after. 

genre. heavy angst, amnesia, modern au, 18+ 

tags/warnings. depression, cheating, trauma, implied suicide attempt, toxic relationships

notes. 12k wc. we're so close to the finale <3 thanks so much for the continued support and for the patience you guys have with this series :')

series masterlist -> episode twelve

For better and worse. 

Weddings are funny things. Despite the strict adherence to ceremonial traditions, they didn’t guarantee a happily ever after. Exchanging vows and the signing of marriage certificates could become meaningless when a couple faces challenges that would drive them apart. Consider the high-profile divorces of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck, or Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise. Divorce had become so common that it almost seemed inevitable for many couples, even the ones with the most fairytale-like relationships. No one was safe from the idea of a divorce. So, was having a wedding really that important? Would it really define the quality and longevity of a relationship?

Satoru might have been thinking bitterly about it, given that his own marriage wasn’t exactly a shining success. However, he was also being rational when he said that weddings weren’t necessary to prove your love for each other. Early in his marriage, he certainly wasn’t the best husband, but over time, he learned to genuinely become a good partner to his ex-wife. There was no specific time frame for loving someone. You could be together for weeks, months, or years, yet the depth of love you share might remain unchanged. This constancy can be either a blessing or a curse, depending on how deep your love was from the beginning.

Well… On the topic of marriages, Satoru had no good thing to say. But that didn’t mean he shouldn’t participate in it. Weddings were still considered a special celebration for families and close friends, and He would be selfish not to share in such a beautiful event with his best friends. Besides, wasn’t it always expected that Suguru and Shoko would end up marrying each other? They were lucky—fortunate because their marriage was built on a foundation of genuine love. In contrast, Satoru’s marriage began out of convenience, which ultimately led to all the terrible things that followed.

As the best man, Satoru strode confidently alongside Suguru down the aisle, both adorned in princely tuxedos, drawing the eyes of the guests as they followed their procession. There were teasing remarks, smiles all around, and even a comment from one of the groom’s female cousins about how handsome they both looked. Despite the gentle commotion, Satoru understood why Suguru remained nervous as they reached the end of the aisle. He comfortingly stood by his side, offered a reassuring pat on the back, silently communicating to his best friend that everything would be alright.

“Don’t tell me you’ll back out now,” Satoru jested, whispering in Suguru’s ear as they observed the guests entering in accordance with the processional order.

Suguru, with his once long hair now neatly trimmed and slicked back, cleared his throat in an attempt to appear less anxious. “What if she gets cold feet?” 

Gojou couldn’t help but tease. “Shoko? You really think she’d have cold feet?” he chuckled. “She’d be the one dragging your ass back to this garden if you tried to run away.”

“Fair enough.” 

Just the night before, they had checked into the Hoshinoya Fuji to celebrate Suguru's last night of freedom. While there was drinking involved, one of the groomsmen insisted it wouldn’t be a proper bachelor’s party without some female company. So, inevitably, there were women in the hotel room, one of whom even gave Suguru a lap dance even though he showed no interest whatsoever. It was amusing to Satoru, considering his best friend used to be the biggest casanova, and now he was a committed and loyal man who, not only was terrified out of his wits on his wedding day, but was also afraid that the one woman he loved might run away from him.

Such genuine, pure love. 

As Satoru pondered, his gaze landed on Akemi, who was seated a couple of rows back among the other guests. She had just arrived, her hair tied elegantly in a low ponytail and her silky sage dress accentuating her womanly figure flawlessly. She was wearing the diamond Tiffany & Co. earrings he had gifted her, which made her stand out among the rest of the people in that garden. Their eyes also met at the perfect moment, her gaze sparkling upon seeing Satoru in his tuxedo. He offered her a smile, one that silently conveyed ‘I’ll be there with you later,’ and she immediately understood. 

How fortunate was Satoru to have her? Perhaps the reason for her late appearance was because she had been looking after Sachiro back home, fulfilling the duties that his ex-wife should have been doing. She was truly a mother who stepped up, especially during a time when both he and his son felt most abandoned.

And what about you? Who knew if you would even attend the wedding? You were meant to be Ieiri’s maid-of-honor, yet you were conspicuously absent. Perhaps you were still in Monaco, enjoying your time playing house with Toji, making a wedding like this seem insignificant to you. You would have informed Miwa in advance and picked up Sachiro if you had returned to Tokyo, right? Suguru also hadn’t mentioned anything about your arrival at the accommodation, hinting that someone else would have to step in as Shoko's maid-of-honor.

But who would it be? Shoko’s cousin? One of her other female co-workers? Her high school friend? 

“Look, mom! She’s beautiful~”

Satoru was rendered speechless, utterly captivated by the sight before him. His fingers tingled with anticipation, his heart raced in his chest, his feet felt rooted to the ground, and his eyes remained fixed on the next lady gracefully making her way down the aisle. He couldn’t quite pinpoint what struck him the most: was it the sight of you in a stunning light green dress, resembling an angel descended from the heavens, or was it the haunting reminder of his own wedding day, when you walked down the same aisle as his most beautiful bride?

His breath caught in his throat, his chest tightening with each step you took down the aisle. Satoru felt like a statue, frozen in place, unable to tear his gaze away from you. You had become the sole focus of his attention, the rest of the world fading into a blur around him. He couldn’t comprehend it. Why was it so effortless for him to let his guard down around you?

This woman, he thought. This woman is Sachiro’s mother. This was the same woman that carried his flesh and blood for nine months, now appearing as radiant as a freshly bloomed flower, as if untouched by the stresses of unexpected motherhood. What had transpired in Monaco to transform you into this vision of beauty?

“You’re drooling.” Suguru nudged him on the chest. “This isn’t your wedding. You had your chance.” 

Yes, he was well aware. This wasn’t his wedding, and he needed to maintain composure. Yet, it felt as though he was being drawn inexorably towards the mesmerizing goddess before him. With each beat of his heart quickening, he struggled to remind himself: No, Satoru. She's nothing to you now.

And because he was lost in a trance, he remained oblivious to the bride’s entrance and even Suguru’s emotional reaction to seeing his bride. His attention was solely fixated on you as he stole glances your way whenever he could. It wasn’t until the exchanging of rings, when you two had to stand side by side to assist the bride and groom, that he snapped back to reality. With you so close yet seemingly distant, Satoru felt a pang of disappointment as you never returned his gaze. The whispers and side comments from the guests also added to his discomfort, making him acutely aware of the scrutiny placed upon the best man and maid-of-honor.

“Aren’t they divorced?”

“Yeah, their marriage was a wreck.” 

“They’re bad luck. I hope they don’t pass it onto the couple.”  

For the first time in a long time, Satoru was gripped by an unprecedented desire to retort, to refute the misconceptions surrounding his marriage. Yet, he knew it was futile. Engaging in a verbal sparring match with another guest would only ruin his best friends' special day. Moreover, he might risk causing unintentional hurt to Akemi by defending a marriage that had long ceased to exist. So, despite the internal turmoil, he remained silent, allowing the whispers to persist unchecked.

And, with that, the wedding ceremony ended. Shoko and Suguru were now declared husband and wife. 

— — 

The reception was a time for socializing, enjoying drinks and hors d’oeuvres, and congratulating the newlyweds. For Suguru and Shoko, this part of the celebration felt effortless and their energies were seamlessly complementing each other’s. Unlike arranged marriages, there was no sense of haste or coercion; theirs was a union born of genuine affection. You couldn’t help but feel foolish for ever entertaining the notion that this was merely a conventional wedding experience. Here, before your eyes, unfolded a true celebration of love between two people.

Did Satoru share the same sentiments? You wondered what thoughts raced through his mind during the proceedings. Did the event trigger memories of his own past, or stir feelings of longing for what could have been?

You refused to subject yourself to the torment of dwelling on your past. If anything, your time living alone in Monaco had been a crucial step in your healing journey. While the process was far from complete, that solitary retreat had provided a much-needed respite from the source of your stress. It afforded you the opportunity to contemplate the life you were destined to lead, albeit alone for the foreseeable future.

By allowing Sachiro to spend more time with his father, you not only facilitated the rebuilding of their fractured relationship, but also acclimated your child to your absence. It was a necessary adjustment, one that would prepare him for the reality of your impending solitary existence. At least, Sachiro had a chance to live in a loving household with Satoru and Akemi, instead of a miserable and lonely way of living together with you. 

In the end, it was all for your child. 

As for the potential emotional minefield of attending this wedding, you were there for Shoko, who had always been a steadfast and understanding presence in your life. Her genuine friendship meant more to you than mere familial bonds ever could. Even at the risk of stirring up unhealthy emotions by being in a room full of people who hurt you, you couldn’t bear to disappoint Ieiri. 

Admittedly though, navigating the wedding crowd was a delicate balance of warmth and formality. Ieiri’s side of the family, who were doctors heavily acquainted with your family, greeted you with genuine warmth. While Suguru’s relatives, who were more closely tied to the Gojou family, maintained a polite distance. Although there were occasional moments of discomfort, you knew how to maintain composure throughout. 

As for Toji’s absence, while a part of you wished he could have been there as a supportive presence, you also recognized the value in learning to handle situations involving your ex-husband independently. He had an unavoidable business trip, but that also provided an opportunity for you to stop relying on him and navigate such occasions like these on your own. He was nothing more than a friend now. 

While that ex-husband, Satoru, was here with your best friend. It didn’t surprise you that he had brought Akemi as a plus one. In fact, you had expected it to happen. It just wasn’t the best feeling to be the maid-of-honor when the best man clearly had another lady for it in mind. 

It was quite amusing, too. Not once had Akemi approached you during the reception. You understood that she wanted to keep her distance, but you found it disrespectful that she was ignoring your existence. Was she scared to talk to you? Scared of what you had to say? You had heard over a million hurtful things from other people, yet she was afraid to hear a few pieces of advice from you?  

Forget it. Forget her and Satoru. Focus on the reception, Y/N. 

But really, how could you? As the moment arrived for the newlyweds’ first dance, tradition dictated that the best man and maid-of-honor should also take to the floor. You sensed the tension in the air as Satoru hesitated, surrounded by urging groomsmen, deciding whether or not he should ask you for a dance. He looked like he was battling with what was right and wrong in his mind, yet ultimately he chose to pass by you, extending his hand to Akemi instead.

It wasn’t feelings of shame that slapped you to reality. It was seeing Satoru holding Akemi’s hand, another on her waist, as they slowly danced to Can’t Help Falling In Love, a song that was played on your wedding day. 

Take my hand

Take my whole life too

Oh, for I can’t help

Falling in love with you

It shouldn’t hurt anymore. You were doing better. You were doing so good, you were doing… you were okay. You should be okay. Or did you overestimate your emotions a little too much? Because this, seeing the man you loved with all your heart holding another woman in his arms, was tortuous to your soul. You could feel the pains of your past tugging at your heart, wondering why he never danced like that with you on your wedding day? Why he never stared at you like you were the most beautiful girl in the world, why he never showed you off in a room full of curious people, why he never respected you enough to treat you with such… with such love. 

“Everything okay?”

You didn’t expect Nanami, out of all people, to be offering you a handkerchief. You hadn’t even realized that your eyes were already pooling of the tears if he had not cut you out of trance, offering a comforting and sympathetic smile. You had to blink multiple times just to push your tears back in. 

“Yeah,” you answered with a grateful expression. I’m strong. I’ll be fine. “Thank you.” 

Nanami took that as a sign to offer his hand. “Care for a dance, then?” 

Wiping your eyes, you nodded, smiling at the man. “Why not?” 

After the dance, the reception continued as follows. The cake cutting, the dinner service, then the toasts and speeches. If it wasn’t for Nanami, you wouldn’t have been able to pick yourself back up after the humiliation of seeing Satoru and Akemi dancing together. You just needed a decent amount of air to breathe and gather yourself together again. It was a nice help from someone who wasn’t a personal acquaintance of yours, that despite being Satoru’s right hand man in the company, Nanami still had some kindness in him that you would forever be thankful for. 

And when it was time for you to do your speech as the MOH, you didn’t let a single vulnerable emotion slip out of you. For that short moment, you tried not to think about who was in the audience, about what they thought of you, and about what other preconceived notions they had of you. You focused on the newlyweds as you stood in front of the mic stand, eye-to-eye with Shoko and Suguru, who were holding each other’s hands. 

“Shoko,” you began, smiling genuinely at the couple, “Through the laughter and tears, you’ve been my constant, my confidante, my rock. And today, as I watch you embark on this new chapter of your life, I’m honestly a bit overwhelmed with emotion.” 

The bride returned your smile, and you can tell Shoko was holding back tears of her own as she glanced between you and Satoru. 

You continued your speech, observing Suguru’s supportive gesture towards his wife as you spoke. “Shoko, I recall our late-night conversations, the tears shed over broken marriages, and the pain of shattered relationships. Yet, through it all, you’ve remained steadfast in your belief in love, in hope, in the possibility of a happily ever after.” Turning to Suguru, although he still had that lingering discomfort around you, you offered him nothing but heartfelt words. “As I look at you and Suguru, I’m reminded that true love exists—a love that is patient, kind, and enduring. My wish for you both is a lifetime filled with laughter, joy, and unwavering support for each other. May you cherish each other’s hearts, protect each other’s dreams, and weather life’s storms together, stronger in your love. Suguru, during your challenging days as a married couple, I pray that you always look at Shoko and remember why you love her. I pray that you will always have the capacity to cherish and respect her as your wife and the future mother of your children. May you keep her in your heart, no matter what challenges may come your way.”

As tears welled in Ieiri’s eyes, your voice faltered, the magnitude of your wishes for their marriage weighing heavily on your own unfulfilled desires. You weren’t trying to make this about you, and you hoped they thought that, too. 

“As I raise my glass to toast this beautiful union,” you said, raising the champagne glass on your hand, “I do so with a heart full of love and a silent prayer—that your love story will be one of triumph, of healing, and of endless happiness. Congratulations, Shoko and Suguru!”

— —

Satoru was deeply affected by your speech. Both in good and bad ways. On one hand, he was touched by the sincerity of your words and the genuine wishes you extended to the newlywed couple. On the other hand, he couldn’t shake off the pang of guilt and remorse that accompanied your words, knowing all too well the history behind them. When you expressed your hopes for Suguru to always cherish and respect Shoko, Satoru couldn’t help but reflect on his own behavior during your marriage and the ways in which he may have fallen short.

Each action he did definitely had a lasting impact on you. 

But what about the good ones? Had you forgotten about the times he treated you well? Had you forgotten the lengths he took just to prove to you that he was a changed man? That at one point in his life, he would do everything in him just to show you how much he loved you? 

It was unfair. Why did you only ever look at the bad things he did and never the good ones? Why did you still see him as a villain in your marriage when he knew he had paid his dues after he lost you?

It was truly, honestly unfair, that you get to be happy with Toji, but he ought to feel guilty for being with Akemi. 

“I think they’re about to do the bouquet and garter toss,” spoke Akemi, tugging at Satoru’s arm while they sat on their designated table. She held a napkin on her other hand to wipe her partner’s chin, smiling in excitement. “You should go and join.” 

Where were you? After your speech, Satoru couldn’t seem to find you anymore. Where had you gone off to? Did you leave already? 

“Y-Yeah,” Satoru answered, looking around the venue before turning to Akemi. “What about you? Won’t you join the bouquet toss thing?” 

She shook her head, hesitantly. “Isn’t it only for bridesmaids?” 

He grabbed her hand and urged her up. “No, it’s for all unmarried female guests. Come on.” 

The reason Satoru dragged her along was because Akemi loved weddings, and she especially enjoyed the traditions that came with it. She herself once dreamt about the picture perfect wedding, but never got to fully have her own, so attending such occasions made up for the lack of personally experiencing it. 

Gojou couldn’t exactly remember if he did the garter toss in his own wedding. If so, who had caught it? Who had caught your bouquet? His eyes swept across the entire venue once more, searching for your familiar figure among the guests. He was too occupied to realize that Shoko had already tossed her bouquet, and the frenzy of eager ladies ensued until it landed in Akemi’s hands.

He genuinely felt happy for Akemi. The joy in her eyes upon catching Shoko’s bouquet was unmistakable. Yet, as the playful teasing about a potential wedding for him shifted in his direction, Satoru couldn’t help but feel a twinge of pressure. It wasn’t supposed to weigh on him like this. It was too soon to have that expectation of him. 

“Looks like someone’s getting married next!”

And while he was feeling suffocated from the pressure placed upon him, the receiver of the tossed garter happened to have been Nanami. 

Immediately, the teasing ensued, with the other guests urging Nanami to wear the garter on Akemi’s leg. Out of respect, Nanami looked at Gojou for permission, but honestly? He was just grateful he didn’t have to do all that and be pressured about another wedding that he had not yet thought about. Fuck it, thank God Nanami had caught the garter because Satoru was sure as hell starting to feel uneasy there. 

“Go for it,” was the only thing Satoru said to Nanami, gesturing his chin at Akemi’s direction. 

While everyone was focused on the situation between Nanami and Akemi, Satoru took that opportunity to escape from the crowd and find his peace at the balcony. He hastily made his way out of the reception hall, feeling a sense of relief as he could finally breathe. 

And there you were, standing alone, lost in contemplation, and your gaze fixed upon the tranquil expanse of the lakeside. The chill breeze caressed your hair softly, as if mirroring the calm that enveloped your countenance. In another universe, this would have been an opportune moment to hug you from behind, sharing the warmth of his embrace around your figure. But he was living in a universe where you and him weren’t meant to be together.

In fact, you were probably thinking about another man as you stared at the lake, hoping that he was there with you. 

“Did you have fun in Monaco with Toji?” Satoru was crazy for going straight to the point, and he knew it was a blunt inquiry, bordering on intrusive, but it tumbled out nonetheless, revealing the thoughts that had been plaguing in his mind. His words spilled out before he could rein them in, a question born of curiosity and perhaps a touch of jealousy.

As for you, with your peace in the balcony now ruined, you briefly opened your mouth to respond, but held back against it as you met Gojou’s eyes with a distant stare. You were even quick to look away and sigh, like he was not worth the conversation. You had not spoken a word to him since the wedding ceremony and you were definitely going to keep doing it. 

And man, did that hurt his ego. 

So, for a very stupid reason, he felt the need to hurt yours in return. “Do you know Sachi calls Akemi ‘mama’ in his sleep?” 

Your eyes remained empty. “Good for you, then. You won’t have a hard time getting him accustomed to it.” 

“Y/N.” Satoru’s voice came out as a warning, and he was about to start an argument on why you were abandoning him and Sachi over Toji, but he was interrupted at the appearance of Akemi carrying Shoko’s bouquet as she tried to search for her lover. This meant that the conversation with the ex-wife was over.

But as he glanced between you and Akemi, his bitter past and his sweet present, why did Satoru’s heart still lingered with you when it shouldn’t?

“You should go,” you briefly muttered, walking in the opposite direction, “Your future wife’s looking for you.”

Satoru’s sudden grip on your wrist halted your steps abruptly. His voice carried a bitter edge as he reminded you of the agreement you had made. “Y/N, we agreed to co-parent Sachiro properly. Why are you choosing Toji over your own son?” 

The accusation left a tense atmosphere, eliciting a sharp response from you as you yanked your hand away, a flash of anger igniting in your eyes. “You have no idea what you're talking about, Satoru.”

— —

“Welcome to Hoshinoya Fuji, Ms. L/N!” 

You stepped out of the car, taking in the serene beauty of the lakeside cabin that would be your sanctuary for the next three days and two nights. Nestled among towering pines and sturdy oaks, the cabin exuded a rustic charm that blended seamlessly with the natural landscape. Its weathered wooden exterior, adorned with a green tin roof, seemed to have grown organically from the earth itself.

The cabin sat on a gentle slope that led directly to the water’s edge. A wooden deck wrapped around the front, offering a perfect vantage point for gazing out over the tranquil lake. Your room also had the best view of Mount Fuji, which you thought was the highlight of this luxurious accommodation. 

After the newlywed send-off, you were quickly ushered in by Shoko and Suguru’s staff, who were in charge of attending to the special guests staying a few extra days at the cabin. Though the couple wouldn’t start their proper honeymoon until their 6-month long cruise trip in two weeks, they wanted their guests to enjoy the accommodations they had arranged. You were relieved to hear that, despite Satoru and Akemi also being among the friends staying, each guest had their own private cabin reserved.

The thing was, you could leave any time if you wanted to. Shoko also reassured you that it would be okay and that she would understand if you wanted to go home right away. She knew that the situation may be uncomfortable for you, and that she felt bad you even had to deal with it during the ceremony, but you made a promise to her. You were her maid-of-honor for a reason, and part of your duty was to help with the post-ceremony tasks to ensure that Shoko can focus on enjoying her pre and post-wedding activities. 

So, in some ways, you felt obliged to stay. You didn’t need to interact much with others during your stay, anyway. You were content staying in your room, perhaps taking some occasional walks outside. Satoru could do whatever he wanted with Akemi; you were determined to avoid crossing their paths.

Besides, inside the cabin was a cozy retreat. The main living area featured large windows that framed the picturesque view, allowing moonlight to spill in and illuminate the space. A stone fireplace, complete with a rustic mantel adorned with pinecones and candles, stood as the centerpiece of the room. Plush armchairs and a worn leather sofa invited relaxation, while a handwoven rug added a touch of warmth and color.

As you moved towards the bedroom, you found a comfortable queen-sized bed covered in a soft, plaid quilt. The scent of pine mingled with the faint aroma of fresh linens, creating an atmosphere of peaceful haven. An old-fashioned dresser and a bedside table, topped with a simple lamp, completed the room. The windows here, too, offered a glimpse of the sparkling lake, ensuring that the beauty of nature would greet you each morning.

Stepping outside, you walked down a short path to the water’s edge, where a small wooden dock extended into the lake. A pair of Adirondack chairs sat invitingly at the end of the dock, perfect for soaking in the sunset or stargazing at night. Nearby, a fire pit surrounded by stones and logs as seating promised cozy evenings under the stars, with the gentle sound of lapping water providing a soothing backdrop.

On your first night there, you ended up falling asleep right away. The physical and emotional exhaustion, combined with jetlag, knocked you out. However, the next day promised a few tasks to complete the post-wedding cleanup. 

The second night, however, was a different story.

When you returned to the cabin, the cool evening air was crisp against your skin. The temperature went down a couple of celsius compared to yesterday, so as you walked down the path toward the lakeside, you were drawn to the flickering glow of a fire pit illuminating the area near the water’s edge. Drawing closer, the soft sounds of laughter and conversation reached your ears, mingling with the gentle crackle of burning logs.

The fire pit was surrounded by a group, their faces lit by the warm, golden light of the flames. They sat on a circle of logs and foldable chairs, leaning in to feel the comforting heat. Some held mugs of steaming cocoa, while others toasted marshmallows on long sticks, their tips glowing bright orange before transforming into gooey, sugary treats.

You paused for a moment and took in the scene. Was it a safe space for you to be in? You noticed familiar faces among the group—some of the couple’s old friends from the wedding, now relaxed and enjoying the peaceful night. One of the guests strummed a guitar softly, the melody adding to the cozy, inviting atmosphere. Another guest told a story, their animated expressions and gestures causing bursts of laughter from the listeners.

There was no sight of Satoru and Akemi. Perhaps, it might be okay to join in.

As you approached, Suguru emerged from a nearby cabin, smiling in a way that felt unusual. Why was he being friendly all of a sudden? Last time you checked, he still held a grudge against you. But now, he showed no signs of antagonism, and was even approaching you with his usual friendly demeanor.

“Y/N,” he said, the fog of his breath visible in the cold air, “I never got to thank you properly for helping us with everything here. I didn’t think you’d make it last minute.”

You wrapped your shawl tighter around yourself to ward off the chill. “It’s no trouble. I’m glad to help out and be here for you guys,” you replied warmly. And while glancing around, you noticed the absence of Shoko. “Where’s the missus?”

Suguru’s smile took on a mischievous edge. “Sleeping. She’s still pretty tired and…”

You interrupted him with a laugh, catching onto his suggestive tone. “Alright, you two. You’re wild.”

His grin softened into a sincere expression. “No, seriously. I never got to properly thank you. I never got to apologize to you either.” Suguru looked down with guilt. “I’m sorry for being an asshole to you. I was focusing too much on Satoru’s point-of-view, dismissing how it must be like to be in your position amidst all that mess. Shoko helped me understand why you made certain decisions, why you had no other option. She helped me see things from your perspective, to realize the extent of your suffering. We all knew that, I guess. We all knew you were constantly dealt a bad hand, yet you remain kind and resilient. You continue to show empathy to others, even when the world hasn’t been fair to you.”

In the ensuing silence, your heart seemed to thunder in your chest. His words carried weight far beyond what he might have intended, and you genuinely appreciated his apology. Even if he didn’t need to say them. 

“I guess what I’m trying to say is, you’re a gem, Y/N.” Suguru gave your back a gentle pat. “You deserve to be happy in your own special way. And just like how you wished us well with our marriage, I hope you’ll find your own path to a happy marriage, too.” 

“Thank you,” you mumbled, looking down with a forlorn smile. 

“We’re here for you, okay?” he offered, “Shoko and I. You can count on us if you need us, if you need help with Sachiro, if you need help with life in general.” 

“I appreciate it, really.” 

And by then, he cleared his throat, opening up a topic that caught you off guard. You didn’t expect it from Suguru out of all people. “Y/N, I know why you were in Monaco.” 

Of course. He’d know it from Shoko. 

“I also know,” he continued, dark narrow eyes staring straight at yours, “why you left Sachiro with his father.” 

You were a deer caught in the headlights. You wouldn’t say it felt invasive to have someone be aware of the reasoning behind your personal decisions, but it was just an altogether different feeling to know that it was your ex-husband’s best friend who knew. 

“Why didn’t you tell him?” he asked, referring to Satoru, “That you broke up with Toji?” 

You took a deep breath. “I don’t see the point of telling him.”

“What if I were to tell you that he’d come running desperately to you the moment he finds out?” he posed another burning question. “You still love him, right? You and him would likely get together without much difficulty if he were aware. So, why hesitate?”

“Because I don’t want that,” you answered, feeling words caught in your throat in a moment of vulnerability. “Because I’m scared to get back with him. Because he has Akemi now. Because I don’t wanna keep ruining the lives of the people around me. We’re better off this way, Suguru. I don’t want to mess up the second time around, and I definitely don’t think Satoru would be able to fully move on with his life with me still in the picture. He seems to be happy with Akemi already.” 

Suguru smiled sadly. “You don’t even wanna get your revenge? Don’t wanna get back at your best friend for dating your ex?” he paused to correct himself, “Well, dating is the wrong term. Satoru insists they’re not exclusive, you know?” 

You shook your head, sighing. Satoru, you haven’t changed. “It doesn’t matter. I’m fine with the way things are.” 

He was on the verge of continuing, poised to persuade further, but the arrival of the very individuals in question brought an abrupt halt to his words. Descending the cabin steps was Shoko, trailed by Satoru, who, in a gesture of warmth, had draped his jacket around Akemi, with his arms encircling her.

All five of you found yourselves in an awkward situation, now faced with two couples, one of which was at the core of your distress. The tension was palpable, and it didn’t help that Satoru’s vivid blue eyes met yours, seemingly trying to decode the conversation between you and Suguru. That was none of his business. He could continue his affectionate display with Akemi, while you had other matters to attend to than be part of an awkward quintet.

“I should go,” you declared, avoiding eye contact with everyone, unwilling to play the fifth wheel. You were hoping to evade Satoru and Akemi’s presence, but both Shoko and Suguru already caught your arm. 

“Y/N, please,” Shoko urged, her arm reaching out to you. “Don't isolate yourself tonight. Come join us.”

The memory of Bora Bora flooded your mind, a painful reminder of a similar situation when Shoko had extended the same invitation, leading to the discomfort of witnessing Sera’s closeness with Satoru. You knew that wasn’t Shoko’s intention, but it was your ex-husband who couldn’t stop catching himself in these situations. 

This was a bad idea. You knew that. 

So, why did you agree? 

Despite your reservations, curiosity got the best of you. You would vehemently deny it if asked, but deep down, you pondered whether Suguru’s words held any truth about Satoru’s lingering feelings for you. It wasn’t out of pettiness, but rather a desire to confirm if Satoru was truly committed to Akemi. You knew this could potentially hurt you, but after enduring so much pain, you couldn’t imagine anything worse.

“Hey, you guys!” 

“It’s nice of you to join us!” 

“What’s up newlyweds?” 

Upon joining the group at the fireplace, you were partly grateful that you weren’t exactly a fifth wheel in the situation. There were about ten or twelve people in total, with the earlier group still remaining in their seats. It just so happened that you were seated right across your ex-husband, who was too busy trying to keep Akemi warm and cozy. 

“So, Y/N…” spoke a man from the group, who appeared to be Suguru’s colleague. “Are you single?” 

The unexpected question caught you off guard, especially the tension it seemed to create, particularly with Satoru who sat stiffly next to Akemi. Even Shoko and Suguru seemed apologetic for their friend’s behavior, but you brushed it off, recognizing that he had probably indulged a bit too much with beer. He was harmless enough when sober.

“Don’t be asking questions like that,” Suguru intervened, tapping the back of his friend’s head in a playful scold. “That’s rude.” 

The friend protested, still oblivious to the discomfort he had caused. “I was just asking! She’s attractive. I have the right to know.”

You forced a smile, accepting the can of beer he had offered. “Thanks, but I—”

“Even if she’s single, she’s not interested in you,” Shoko chimed in, keeping a casual mien. She had to keep things cool, especially with an explosive Gojou around. You were just thankful that she didn’t exactly reveal the status of your relationship with Toji, and that she was doing her best to divert the attention away from you. 

In this little scene, you caught a glimpse of Akemi tugging at Satoru’s arm, like she was uncomfortable with the conversation. Why? Did it trigger an insecurity within her? She couldn’t even return eye-contact, constantly avoiding your eyes and reacting to any conversation remotely related to you. But Satoru was there acting like a concerned boyfriend, whispering reassurance into her ear, and rubbing her knee in a comforting fashion. 

“You two make a lovely couple,” remarked one of the girls, directing her compliment to Satoru and Akemi.“Weren’t you the girl who caught the bouquet? Looks like there might be another wedding on the horizon.”

“Oooh!” 

“They’re an attractive couple, too.” 

“You guys planning for any children?” 

Just like Bora Bora. A bitter smile lingered on your face, but you decided not to look at Satoru anymore. He must be enjoying this. 

Shoko leaned in and placed an arm around you to whisper her apologies. “I’m sorry, Y/N. This was a bad idea.” 

“It’s okay,” you assured, not wanting to ruin the moment. “I’ll leave after I finish my beer so it won’t be awkward.” 

As the night wore on, conversation flowed easily at first, with everyone exchanging stories and laughter, and eventually more beers and liquor were passed around. Shoko and Suguru were lost in the glow of newlywed bliss, while you found yourself increasingly uneasy as memories of the past mingled with the present.

Satoru’s presence beside Akemi was a constant reminder of your failed marriage, and you struggled to suppress the weakness in your chest that threatened to surface. They held hands and watched the fire together, her head resting on his shoulder, his lips on top of her head. She was trying to voice out a specific concern to him, and he was sweetly listening to her. Did they even realize the ex-wife was in the same area with them? It was insensitive. You never knew Satoru could be this insensitive around you, no matter what his reasons were, his romantic gestures towards her was a clear slap to your face. And he succeeded, because you would be foolish not to admit that it broke your heart in half to witness him choosing another woman over you. 

Again, Satoru. Here we go again. You tried to stop the pounding on your chest. Here we fucking are the second time around. 

Desperate to ease the tension, Shoko and Suguru attempted to steer the conversation toward lighter topics, but their efforts only served to highlight the underlying tension in the air. You forced a smile and nodded along with the conversation, but inside, your heart was heavy with unresolved emotions.

And then someone had to bring up that stupid truth or dare game. 

“Satoru-kun, I dare you to kiss the prettiest woman in this group.” 

“Whoo! Do it! Do it! Do it!” 

Satoru was initially hesitant as he clearly found himself at a crossroads. He had two options here. Should he risk hurting Akemi by refusing to kiss her? Or should he risk hurting you by kissing another woman in front of you?

The clear winner was Akemi, because as soon as Gojou pressed his lips onto hers, you were already walking out of there. You had already excused yourself from the group, your footsteps as heavy as your heart. And unbeknownst to you, Satoru watched you go with a flicker of remorse in his eyes, but it was too late for apologies or second chances. The fire continued to crackle and pop as you left, its flames casting long shadows across the empty space where you had sat.

It was game over. Satoru had won his game. 

— —

Satoru was puzzled by your behavior since the wedding. You seemed determined to avoid him, which made sense with Akemi constantly by his side, but there was also an air of desperation to your avoidance. What baffled him even more was the jealousy you exhibited, as if you weren’t involved with another man, to the point where you even flew to another country just to spend more time with him. 

Like you said, you two were no longer married. It was about time you moved on. Yet, how come you were acting heartbroken over seeing Satoru with another woman?

Did you really think leaving the fire pit so abruptly had gone unnoticed?

Did you really think he had taken his eyes off you?

If not for Akemi telling him that she was having pelvic cramps, Gojou would have run off to follow you the minute you left the fire pit. Clearly, you still had an issue seeing him with another girl and he wanted you to voice it out. But if there was anything he learned during your time together, you would never be the first one to admit that you were jealous. Heck, didn’t you even allow him to bring Sera to Bora Bora that one time?

Look, he didn’t want to hurt you all over again. And if you had walked up to him and called him an asshole for having Akemi around, he would even agree with you. But it was your decision to choose Toji, it was your request for Satoru to find someone else, so why did it seem like you were suddenly changing your mind?

“I’m sorry for being a party pooper,” Akemi groaned in discomfort as Gojou helped her back to their cabin. He quickly refocused on their conversation, reminding himself not to dwell on thoughts of you when Akemi needed his attention—it wouldn’t be fair to her. She was suffering from a terrible illness that he wouldn’t wish upon anyone and he had to be her rock. “It’s been hurting quite a bit lately. I really should start with my treatment.”

Once inside their room, he swiftly settled her into bed. “Where does it hurt?” He applied a gentle touch to her pelvic bone, massaging the area to alleviate her discomfort. “Here?”

“Mhm. Thank you,” she lightly spoke, her soft hand caressing his cheek. “I’ll be fine.”

“You look really pale, though. I’m worried,” he remarked, sympathizing with her. Her complexion betrayed the pain she was holding back, though she likely hesitated to admit she wanted to go home and rest. “Do you wanna go home? Even if it’s in the middle of the night, I can have my driver pick us up.”

She shook her head quickly. “No, no. Please, I'll be fine. You won't get to see Shoko and Suguru for a while once they’re on their honeymoon, so I want you to spend time with them here.”

“You sure? But you always come first.” 

“I’ll be okay.” 

As Satoru continued to massage the area where Akemi felt pain, his thoughts inevitably drifted to you. He recalled the time when you were pregnant with Sachiro, experiencing frequent lower abdominal pain as your body adjusted to the baby. Each night, Satoru stayed up, gently rubbing your belly until you drifted off to sleep. It was one of his happiest memories during your marriage—the domestic bliss of being your husband and the memory of him caring for his wife. He wasn’t sure if he was missing it, or if he was just recalling a past memory, but looking at Akemi, Satoru wondered if he was prepared to have all that again but with another woman. 

He couldn’t give himself an answer. 

“I’m such a terrible person.” 

He should be telling himself that, but it was Akemi who said those words out loud as her brown doe-eyes stared at him solemnly, an expression that reflected guilt and remorse in equal measure. 

“How come?” Satoru’s voice was barely above a whisper as he asked, gently tucking the sheets around her while perching on the edge of the bed.

Her smile held a touch of sorrow, yet there was a glimmer of relief in her eyes. “I feel like I’ve failed Y/N. She treated me like family, like a sister, and now I can’t even face her properly. I’m just terrified, you know? I don’t want to keep letting her down. I never meant to cause her pain.”

For a moment, Gojou fell silent at her admission. “It’s all my fault. You two never would have been in this position if it wasn’t for me.” 

“Absolutely not,” Akemi persisted before leaning in to plant a tender kiss on his cheek. “Tonight, you’ve shown me that you’ve truly moved on from her. I was starting to worry, afraid that I could never fill the space she held in your heart. But since the wedding, you’ve never sidelined me or made me feel like an afterthought. You’ve never made me feel like second best. You’ve always prioritized me. I understand it’s hard seeing your ex-wife, but I appreciate your efforts more than you know. You make me feel incredibly special.”

Satoru swallowed hard. The mention of your name sent a pang of guilt coursing through his chest. He knew he had hurt Akemi with his lingering attachment to his past and his inability to fully let go of the woman who had once held his heart in her hands. He wanted to agree with Akemi, to reassure her that he had chosen her, but the truth remained elusive, buried beneath layers of denial and self-deception. He even had to close his eyes for a minute, unable to meet her gaze as a tumult of conflicting emotions swirled within him. He wanted to tell her the truth, to confess the depth of his feelings for his ex-wife, but the words were caught in his throat.

In that moment, Satoru felt more lost and alone than ever before, trapped in a web of his own making, and unable to confront the truth behind his true feelings. Moved on? Had he truly moved on from you, or had he simply buried his feelings beneath a facade of indifference?

“You should rest your eyes,” was the only thing he could tell her, planting a kiss on her forehead before he had turned off the lights. 

With the clock ticking past 11 o’clock and their recent conversation still echoing in his mind, Satoru felt an urgent need for clarity. He knew he had to confront his thoughts alone. So, without disturbing Akemi’s peaceful slumber, he quietly slipped out of the cabin, seeking solace in the night air. Immediately, as he got out, he was met with the apologetic eyes of his best friend. 

“Hey,” Satoru greeted, confused by the urgency in Suguru’s expression. “What’s up?” 

Suguru took a deep breath before he rubbed the back of his head. “There’s something I ought to tell you.” 

— —

You had been standing at the edge of the lake for a while now, the cool night air sending shivers down your spine as you gazed out at the shimmering expanse of water before you. The moon hung low in the sky, casting a silvery glow over the tranquil scene, its soft light dancing on the surface of the lake like a thousand tiny stars.

The temptation to dive into the dark waters below tugged at your heart like a siren’s song, beckoning you to leave behind the pain and sorrow that had plagued you for so long. You longed to feel the icy embrace of the lake envelop you, to lose yourself in its depths and wash away the memories that haunted you every waking moment.

Is this how it feels like to finally let go? 

As you stood on the shore, your toes just inches from the water’s edge, a wave of despair then washed over you, threatening to pull you under like the undertow of a riptide. You thought of Sachiro, your sweet, innocent son, asleep in his bed back in Tokyo, his laughter and smiles serving as an antidote to the pain in your heart.

And then him… 

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes as you thought of Satoru. Despite the pain he had caused you, it was impossible not to yearn for him still, because his memory was a ghost that haunted you in every waking moment. But you knew that you couldn’t continue to live in the shadow of your past marriage. You had to escape being trapped in a cycle of longing and regret. You owed it to Sachiro to be strong, to find the courage to let go of the man who had once been your everything.

With your empty gaze, the calm lake shimmered in the moonlight like a blanket of liquid silver. You had come to the lake seeking solace, seeking escape from the unbearable pain that gnawed at your heart like a relentless tide. But as tears left your eyes, your emotions threatened to drown you in a sea of despair. 

Without hesitation, you dropped your shawl to the side, shedding yourself off of the cloth with a sense of reckless abandon. The fright of swimming in open water, especially at night, could have you passed out in a matter of seconds, but you paid it no mind as you waded into the water. 

Is this how it feels to finally give up? 

The lake embraced you like an old friend, enfolding you in its cool embrace as you swam out into the darkness. Each stroke brought you closer to the center of the lake, closer to the heart of your pain, and yet you felt strangely at peace, as if the water itself held the key to your salvation. You took time floating on your back, staring up at the stars that glittered like diamonds in the night sky, you felt a sense of clarity wash over you. You knew that your love for Satoru was a burden you could no longer bear.

But more than that, you knew that you couldn’t let your own pain dictate the course of your son’s life. Sachiro deserved better than a mother consumed by sorrow, better than a life overshadowed by the ghosts of the past.

With a deep breath, you let go of the pain that had held you captive for so long. You submerged yourself into the depths of the lake, watching as the night sky vanished beneath the surface like a wisp of smoke in the wind.

In that moment, you felt a sense of freedom unlike anything you had ever known. You just had to stay still. You had to keep yourself underwater, hold your breath until you no longer needed it, and… 

And…

You struggled to breathe, your mind consumed in panic telling you that you would die if you had kept yourself submerged for another minute, but you were adamant on staying there. You fought battles in your own mind, despite your body fighting back to keep you alive. 

At least soon, you would finally meet your mom again. 

“...”

“......”

“....Y/N!” 

“.......Y/N!” 

Feeling your vision blur and your limbs growing limp, you surrendered to the natural sway of the water. Bubbles escaped from your nose, your mouth tightly sealed shut. And the next thing you knew, you were back on the water surface, drawing breath like a fish out of the water. You could feel someone tugging at your arm, could feel the presence of another person dragging you out of the water, his arms pulling you into an embrace. 

“Y/N! What the hell are you thinking?!” 

You sobbed uncontrollably, your heartache pouring out as Satoru cradled you in his arms, his white hair damp from his efforts to rescue you from the water. How and when did he arrive? Your mind couldn’t process the details amidst the turmoil. All you could do was surrender to the flood of tears, feeling paralyzed from head to toe as you cried into his embrace.

Is this another dream? 

Is this another hallucination? 

You released a bitter laugh. Please. You closed your eyes, laughing and crying like a mad person. Please stop the pain. 

“Y/N, please,” his whispers were tender, yet tinged with a sorrow that amplified your heartache. “What about Sachiro?” He, too, shed his own tears, his ocean-blue eyes shimmering in the moonlight as they filled with tears, his voice breaking. “What about me?”

Your face was pressed against his chest, anguish coursing through you, feeling as if your very soul was being torn asunder. “Th-That’s the... the same thing... I’ve been asking myself,” you managed between sobs, struggling to draw a steady breath. “I’m... I’m always th-thinking about other people... and never myself.”

He fell silent, his response lost in the weight of your words, perhaps laden with guilt or his own sorrow. But his presence there, holding you close, as if he still harbored love for you, tore another piece from your already battered heart. He shouldn’t be here. He should have been with Akemi. He should be anywhere but near you. With a surge of adrenaline, you began to push him away, propelling yourself through the water, racing toward the shore despite the weakness in your limbs. Satoru called out your name, his voice a desperate plea, as he followed after you, his movements slower but filled with urgency.

“Stop!” Your voice rose, echoing against the night as you stood on the shore, water cascading from your body in sync with the tears streaming down your face. “L-Leave me alone... Please. Why are you here?”

You knew Satoru well enough to understand what had driven him to chase after you. Perhaps he had grown concerned, either from noticing your absence or from someone informing him of your uncharacteristic nighttime swim. His actions were undoubtedly unusual; he knew all too well of your fear of open water, prompting him to leap into action to rescue you.

But you didn’t need him to be here. You didn’t need him anywhere. He wasn’t yours anymore. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, his voice carrying the weight of confusion and concern, his steps cautious as he approached you. He looked at you with tears in his eyes, his expression vulnerable and pleading, like a child seeking comfort, desperately hoping to be understood, to be heard. “You’re not with Toji anymore.”

“Why should I?” You struggled to compose yourself, wiping away the tears that blurred your vision. “It doesn’t matter—”

“It fucking matters, Y/N!”

“It shouldn’t matter!” Your voice cracked with emotion, your heart pounding painfully against your ribs. “Why should it matter, huh?”

“Because I love you!” His words echoed through the night, raw with emotion that had never been confronted until now. “Because I can’t fucking get over you. Because I’m a fool for you!”

You pushed him away, a surge of anger and hurt rising within you. “H-How dare you,” you choked out, your fists trembling as you struck his chest. “How dare you say that to me when you’re with someone else! You n-never truly loved me, Satoru. Y-You never did!”

“You wanted me to find someone new, Y/N,” his voice cracked with emotion, pained by his own words, “I just did what you asked me to do, even if that wasn’t what I truly wanted.” 

You vehemently denied his assertion in your mind, shaking your head in refusal. “Stop saying that. Just stop. Please.”

He already had his grip on your hand, pulling you closer. “Y/N—”

You jerked your hand away sharply, but then a wave of despair washed over you. “Every time I see you with her, I convince myself that I’m fine with it, that this is what I wanted, what I chose.” Tears welled up in your eyes as you recalled every heartbreak. “I tell myself that I deserve it, that you deserve to be with someone who can make you happier. But then I remember our past…” You paused, closing your eyes to stem the tears. “And then I compare it to your relationship with her now. I can’t help but wonder, why didn’t I receive that kind of love and respect from the beginning? Why did it take me nearly drowning in an ocean for you to realize and try to make things right three years ago?”

His grip on your hand tightened, as if he wanted to hold onto you and never let go, as if he wanted to reassure you with his touch that he was there, listening, understanding, feeling every word you uttered.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice barely audible amidst the crashing waves and the heavy weight of your emotions. “I’m sorry for everything I did wrong, for every moment I failed to show you the love and respect you deserved, Y/N.”

You hated it. You hated hearing his words now, because it was three years all too late. You had already gone through so much suffering, so much anguish that you didn’t deserve, just because you wanted a happy marriage. Just because you wanted to love and be loved. By him. By the person you married. 

“It d-doesn’t change anything,” you murmured, your voice breaking with sorrow. “I can’t undo the pain, the heartache. I can’t erase the memories.”

“I know,” he replied softly, his eyes filled with remorse. “But let’s try again. Let me try again, Y/N. Please.”

You wanted to believe him, to believe that he meant every word, that he was sincere in his intentions. But the wounds of the past were still fresh, and the memories of betrayal were still lingering in your mind.

“You know what hurts me more?” you asked, “It’s the fact that you didn’t lose your memories of me, but you still ended up falling for her,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper.

Satoru’s silence felt like a confirmation to you. Perhaps he had indeed fallen in love with Akemi, and you were the obstacle standing in the way of his complete commitment to her. You were just a relic of his past, a piece that he needed to discard in order to embrace his future with Akemi. It seemed that fate had already decided that you and Satoru would never find happiness together, and this should serve as nothing more than a closure. 

But god be damned, it was tearing you apart. 

You tugged at the necklace around your neck, the pendant bearing half of his heart, and in your trembling hand, you ripped it off. As painful as it was, your next action was to hurl it into the darkness of the lake, discarding the last remnant that linked him to you, watching as it disappeared beneath the surface of the lake with a soft splash.

You know the difference between us, Satoru? You thought silently. I dove into the ocean just to find our wedding ring, but you would never plunge into that lake to retrieve that necklace.

With determined steps, you turned away before he could react, walking away from that place, walking away from him. You resolved that this would be your final encounter with Satoru Gojou in your lifetime, because there was no need for him in your life, just as he no longer needed you in his. You two would remain in the past, a memory best left behind.

This was you letting him go. 

But then, just as you were about to walk away, you heard a faint noise from the darkness behind you—a splash, followed by the sound of another frantic splashing.

Your heart pounded heavily in your chest. You turned back toward the lake, your eyes widening in shock as you saw Satoru thrashing in the water, his arms flailing as he searched desperately for the necklace you had thrown away.

“Satoru, you idiot!” you cried out, your voice filled with disbelief and concern and pain and overwhelming heartache. Without a second thought, you ran back to the cold water, your feet sinking into the soft sand as you waded into the lake. “Satoru, what are you doing?!” you called out again, your heart racing as you reached out to him, your fingers brushing against his arm as he struggled to stay afloat.

“I have to find it,” Satoru gasped, his voice strained with exertion. “I have to find the necklace you threw.”

Your breath caught in your throat as you looked into his eyes, seeing the desperation and determination that burned within them. You knew then that you couldn’t let him risk his life for a piece of jewelry, no matter how sentimental it may be.

“Satoru, please,” you pleaded, your voice trembling with emotion. “It’s not worth it. Let it go—”

But Satoru shook his head, his gaze fixed on the dark waters below. “I have to find it," he insisted, his eyes tearful. “It’s my heart. I gave it to you.”

 I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. 

The tension between you crackled like electricity in the air. In that moment, all of your walls came crashing down, your heart laid bare before the man you had once loved with all your soul.

With tears streaming down your cheeks, you reached out and pulled Satoru into your arms, your lips meeting his in a desperate, longing kiss. It was a kiss filled with years of pent-up emotion, a bittersweet union of love and pain that left you both breathless and raw. Your lips moved together in a tender dance, each kiss a silent plea for forgiveness, for understanding, for a second chance at the love you had lost. It was a kiss that spoke of regrets and what-ifs, of dreams left unfulfilled and promises broken.

For years, you had been strangers, your hearts closed off to each other in an attempt to shield yourselves from the pain of your past. But in that moment, as you clung to each other in the darkness, you couldn’t deny the truth that still lingered between you—that your love for each other had never truly died.

As you finally pulled apart, gasping for air, you looked into Satoru’s eyes, seeing the depth of his pain mirrored in your own. “I hate you,” you whispered, your voice laced with grief and surrender, "so much."

Satoru reached out and brushed a tear from your cheek, his touch gentle and tender. “I hate me, too,” he murmured, his voice thick with emotion, his eyes shining with guilt, “for hurting you.”

You couldn’t erase the past, nor could you predict the future. But as you stood together in the middle of the lake, your hearts entwined once more, you found solace in the simple act of being together, of sharing your pain and your love in the darkness of the night. And as you held each other tight, the gravity of your connection pulled you to kiss him again. 

Once more, you met his lips in a deeper kiss. His lips moved in perfect sync with yours, and the taste of his tongue was met with the familiarity you two shared. It was as if your bodies were moving on its own, and you allowed it to dictate whatever action it desired. Forget everything for now, was all you could think of in your head. In your mind, it was all Satoru. It was the man you love. The man you married. The man you share a child with. 

You were too engrossed with the feeling of his lips that you didn’t even realize he had your legs wrapped around his waist. And with your arms around his neck, you could feel him lift you up, never breaking the kiss as he carried you out of the lake. With each step he took, your kiss only got deeper and deeper. You had never felt such intensity throughout your marriage, and you were intoxicated by the feeling of kissing him again. 

Of feeling his lips around your jawline. Your neck. Your chest. You were gasping on his mouth, had his lips completely enveloped with yours, not realizing you were stumbling inside your cabin, desperate to find somewhere to lay on. 

And before you knew it, the night had played way differently than expected.

Both your wet clothes were on the floor in a tangle of fabric, forgotten in the heat of your passion. And now, with your bare body on top of him. His arms caressed the smooth skin of your back, his lips feathering kisses along your bust. As you moved your hips slowly, you couldn’t stop the moan that escaped your lips. Satoru’s member was warm inside you. Your bodies were tingling from the intensity of your lovemaking in the dimly lit room. And when you pulled away, your eyes were locked in a silent exchange of yearning.

Without a word, Satoru reached out and gently cupped your breast, his touch sending electricity down your spine. You leaned into his touch, your breath coming in shallow gasps as you felt the heat of his body pressing against yours.

Your lips met once more, a tender exploration of each other’s mouths, and he was taking that chance to shift the position you were in. Slowly, almost hesitantly, he began to enter you again. You were whimpering under him, melting into his passionate movements. You have had sex with Satoru multiple times before, but it was never this emotional. It was never this passionate. You could feel the difference with the way he kissed you, with the way he looked at you, with the way he touched you. 

“S-Satoru—!” 

“Mmm… I missed you so fucking much, Y/N.”

And then, finally, you came together in a flurry of hands and lips and skin, your bodies melding into one as you gave yourselves over to the exquisite pleasure of your lovemaking. 

At that exact moment, as you moved together in perfect harmony, you knew that you were home.

— —

When Akemi woke up, she could tell something felt wrong. 

It didn’t help that Satoru was not by her side as she opened her eyes, blinded by the sunlight that peeked through the window. Was he out for a morning run? Or perhaps he was indulging in a leisurely bath? She entertained the idea of joining him, wanting to express her gratitude for his care and support.

Her heart swelled with love for him, despite all the risks and uncertainties. He was her rock, her confidant, her everything. In him, she found solace and strength, and she couldn’t imagine her life without him. Despite the troubles of his past, she felt blessed to have crossed paths with him. She longed for the kind of deep connection and lasting commitment that she saw in others’ marriages, a dream she harbored for her own future. And in Satoru, she saw the perfect partner to share that dream with, to build a family and a life together that she had always yearned for.

Akemi wasn’t ashamed by how smitten she was with him. In fact, she was beginning to have more confidence in her decision to pursue a relationship with him. She just hoped you would understand, that you would eventually let go of the grudge in your heart. At the end of the day, she wasn’t trying to hurt you. She was only trying to pursue her happiness. 

And the exact source of her happiness was someone she endeavored to find that morning. She put on a robe and searched every room in the cabin, calling out for his name, wondering why she couldn’t hear his voice. 

With no response forthcoming, Akemi decided to exit the cabin in search of Satoru. Assuming he had likely been with Suguru all night, she scanned the vicinity, expecting to spot his tall, white-haired figure. Yet, after several minutes of fruitless searching, she couldn’t find him and instead, encountered a hotel staff member. That was when she decided to finally inquire about his whereabouts.

“Excuse me,” she began, halting the staff member’s stride, “Have you seen my boyfriend? He’s tall, with white hair and blue eyes.”

“Ah, Mr. Gojou?” the hotel staff responded, scratching her head as realization dawned. She then gestured toward the last place Akemi wished him to be. “Um, I think he’s in there.”

Akemi’s heart raced as if she had seen a ghost. Her complexion drained of color, her heart pounding in her chest as she realized that the cabin she had been directed to was yours. And in a twist of fate, just as she stood there in shock, the man she loved emerged from the cabin, equally wide-eyed.

“‘Kemi…” he began, frozen in place, “Let’s talk first—”

But she cut him off with a scoff. Her hands trembled with a tumult of emotions—anger, pain, and betrayal—threatening to overwhelm her. She was on the verge of collapse, her mind reeling with questions. Was he going to explain his actions? No, there was only one question that demanded an answer.

“Did you… did you do it?” she asked through gritted teeth, her voice laced with accusation.

Satoru didn’t need to respond. As Akemi pushed the door open, her worst fears were confirmed as she saw you standing behind him, draped in nothing but a blanket. Tears welled in her eyes, and before she could think, her body reacted, her hand connecting with Gojou’s cheek in a resounding slap.

“You never changed!” she cried out, her voice cracking with anguish. “You’re still a cheater!”

Satoru struggled to deflect each fist she hurled at him, but her rage and despair overwhelmed any attempt to reason with her. She was consumed by her pain and the looming betrayal she anticipated, unable to comprehend that her worst fears were coming true before her eyes.

“‘Kemi, please,” Satoru pleaded in vain.

“...Akemi, I'm sorry,” you interjected, your voice heavy with remorse as you wiped your tears. “It’s not his fault. It’s mine.”

Upon hearing your words, Akemi erupted. She disregarded your friendship, cast aside your shared memories, and denied that she had ever considered you a friend. Her tear-filled eyes bore into you with accusation. “Y-You,” she began, her voice choking with sobs, “You’re a hypocrite, Y/N!”

You remained silent, absorbing her words.

Akemi pressed on with her onslaught. “You’re a hypocrite! You’ve become the person you despised the most when you were married,” she accused, recalling the anguish you endured during Gojou’s affair. “You’re no better than Sera! And that’s why you’re miserable, and you’ll forever be miserable! If this is your way of getting back at me,” she paused, betrayed by the anguish in her voice, “Then jokes on you, because Satoru will never be faithful to you. He’ll keep cheating on you, just like he did now with me! You two belong in that cycle!”

She fled before she could hear your response, but Satoru’s whispered apology lingered in the air, unclear of who its intended recipient was. At that moment, she didn’t care anymore. She raced back to her cabin, tears streaming down her face as she hastily packed her belongings.

She moved mechanically, tossing her belongings into her luggage while grappling with the overwhelming pain of his infidelity. Try as she might to focus on the task at hand, her tears flowed freely, and she surrendered to her grief, cradling her face in her hands.

Amidst her anguish, she couldn’t ignore the escalating pain in her pelvic region, a physical echo of the agony in her heart. Each sob seemed to intensify both sensations, leaving her feeling utterly shattered.

With that confrontation, Satoru faced a pivotal choice: to stay with you or to pursue Akemi. 

While Akemi had anticipated that he might choose you, she was taken aback when she swung the door open,

bags in hand, 

only to find Satoru Gojou standing on her doorstep.

[theosmanuscript]

blowing smoke

theodore nott x reader

"i know everything, they don't"

warnings: theo x gn!reader, angst, no comfort, details of kissing

word count: 1k

synopsis: after your breakup with theo, he seems like he is moving on fine, to everyone else. you however, know him too well.

author's note: hi guys! this is my first ever fic i've written for theo. please let me know if you like it or not! i'm always open to feedback :) i dont think i included any pronouns for the reader but do let me know if i did!

You know him. Of course, you do. After all, you spent two years of your life with Theodore Nott. You knew how the murmurs of your housemates set him off. You knew that their silent judging stares took a toll on him. You knew that when he was quiet, he was overthinking every little detail. You especially knew how he would tuck the hairs that escaped your clip’s hold behind your ears. You knew how he acted when he was utterly and truly in love. 

Theo sat next to the pretty Slytherin girl. To everyone else, they would’ve thought he was enamoured by her smile. How could he not be? Who could resist her charm that drew everyone in? There was a reason why she was the “It Girl” in your year. Scratch that, in Hogwarts. 

You watched them across the lake. You clutched your assigned reading that Professor Flitwick gave to your class. The lake was a place where the fresh air took away all your troubles. Theo knew that too. Of course, he would bring her to your special place. Your sanctuary. 

Yet, you knew deep down that they wouldn’t last. None of his relationships after you did. Theo’s eyes didn’t light up when they talked about their day. Theo’s heart didn’t pound every step they took closer to him. Theo’s stomach didn’t swarm with those pesky butterflies whenever their lips left his. 

Every kiss after you wasn’t the same. No longer could he taste the flavour of your strawberry and vanilla lip gloss. Gone were the lingering touches on his chest that made his guts do somersaults. Your absence left a hole in his heart. No, his soul. Your name almost left his lips countless times. The kisses weren’t from you.  

Rage filled your veins as you gripped your book tightly, knuckles turning as white as the pages within. Theo wasn’t in love, you knew that, but how could he share such an intimate moment with someone else other than you? 

Your breakup was far from amicable. Everyone knew how heartbroken you were after his abrupt departure. You spent days cooped up in your dorm. Even Fred and George didn’t try to disturb you. Hermione had even helped you with your accumulating pile of work that has yet to be touched. Harry and Ron had tried to pull you out of your depression with Quidditch games. Luna had listened to your rambling about how it all went down. You knew your friends weren’t the biggest fans of Theo. Hell, even Draco and the rest of his friends left you a place at their table every day for breakfast in the Great Hall. 

So, how could Theo pretend that bringing her to the place where you first met him didn’t hurt? Seeing her hand on his made you green with envy. How could he let her touch her? 

Jealousy coursing through you, you took off. Dusting the dirt off your jeans, you left with tears threatening to spill from your eyes. You wiped them away with the sleeves of your sweater. The sweater Theo had gotten you from that time when you two explored the thrift shops of Florence. 

You had fallen in love with this particular blue knitted sweater. It embraced you in its warmth. 

“I’m not sure why you love it so much. It’s not even brand new,” he spoke. “I love it because you bought it for me,” you said looking up at him. He laughed and put his hand on your waist which was sheathed by the warm cloth, pulling you closer to him. “And I love you,” he said as he planted a kiss on your forehead. You never left home without it, taking it with you to Hogwarts. 

You scowled at that memory as you stomped towards the castle. You just wanted to take his damned lighter to set fire to your brain, burning that memory out of your mind. 

What you didn’t know was that when she touched him, Theo tensed up. She isn’t you, he thought. 

“I need to go,” Theo muttered. 

“Wait, but you said-” 

“Sorry, I forgot that I told Mattheo I would help him with… his homework.” It was a lie, Theo just couldn’t bear letting someone other than you touch him again. Every other time he let another girl kiss him, he was so out of his mind. He was so guilty and ashamed. He knew that you both weren’t together anymore. It still felt like infidelity each time. Theo just wanted to rid you from plaguing his mind. 

What was his rationale for making you feel so jealous? 

Theo knew how people perceived him. He was notoriously known throughout your year as the handsome, quiet Chaser on the Slytherin team who was always surrounded by his usual cloud of smoke. His grades were impressive for someone who barely attended lectures. He was intelligent. Yet, his negligence toward his attendance caused Slytherin many points. He did earn those points back with his talent on the field. However, everyone was thinking the same thing, how could someone like you be with him? 

You were practically on top of your studies, challenging Hermione’s position for each subject you two shared. You were kind to everyone, and so willing to help people out. Respectful to both teachers and students, caring to every creature, and so painfully beautiful. 

Theo knew that he was dragging you down with him. After all, how could someone as perfect as you be with him? At least that was what he thought.

Breaking up with you was the most painful thing he had ever done. He knew that you would blossom without him. He knew you would move on from him sooner or later. He cared too much about you to pull you down straight to the abyss with him. To Theo, to love was to make sacrifices, even the ones that took his soul and ripped it into pieces. It was all for you.

© 2024 theosmanuscript. All rights reserved.

[justaaveragereader]

I’m Not The Only One // WY

You’ve been attached to the hip since the age 10 and got married at the age of 20. Three years into marriage you realize that your husband has his eyes on another woman. You and a close friend of his hatch a plan to get even.

“You say I’m crazy. Cause you don’t think I know what you’ve done.” - Sam Smith

🌹Pair: Wooyoung x Reader, Hints of Yunho

🌹Genre: Angst, Slight Thriller

🌹Word Count: 2.7k

🌹Warnings: Cheating, Emotional Breakdown

🌹Authors Note: This is my first EVER fic, so I’m nervous! I love me some Ateez they are definitely my #1 group (multi stan) but they are for sure my favorite! I’m going to make this a two parter. Both parts will be based off of a song. I HIGHLY recommend listening to Sam Smith - Not The Only One while reading as this fic is what it is based off of. I really really hope you enjoy it! Part 2 is now up💗🌹!

There you stood..tears slowly pouring into the cupcake mix. Curious as to how this even all started between them, yesterday was just extra confirmation. The way he looked at her..he used to look at you like that. So much care and love in his eyes, laughing at every joke she said even when it was not funny. You couldn’t help but feel envious, heartbroken and slightly amused for what was yet to come. You gave Wooyoung the best years of your life. You both had met when you were ten years of age. Thick as thieves, No one was shocked when he kneeled down and proposed at the age of twenty and here you were, three years later..in your big house that constantly felt empty. He said she met her at the gaming lounge with Sannie. “Just gaming friends babe” is what he constantly told you. Naive at first you believed it. You ignored all those red flags. Until Yunho was tired of watching from the sidelines, the constant flirting between the two in front of him constantly made him physically ill. You will forever be grateful to Yunho for making you take your rose colored glasses off and showing you what was truly happening. Woo always shook it off denying anything going on between the two of them, calling you crazy but he couldn’t make it anymore obvious.

Tilting your head back to swallow the tears you had been pouring out the last hour and a half. Forcing a smile on your face. “Hello!” you answered cheerfully like you had not just been crying so hard your chest had hurt. “Baby! I am going to be a bit late! San decided to stop and get flowers for his mom.” You know he was with her. You weren’t dumb.. Once upon a time you were hopelessly in love but not dumb. His voice spewing out lie after lie was driving you up the wall, physically making you ill. You let out a soft chuckle, amused by the lies he constantly loved to tell you. “That's no problem. I am just baking.” you replied while leaning on the kitchen counter, exhaling and rubbing your hand over your forehead. “You are the best gorgeous. I love you.” “I love y-” He had hung up before you could even finish your sentence which you were happy that he had. You couldn’t possibly choke down another fake i love you to him. It was emotionally draining , you tightly gripped your phone, taking a deep breath in. Staring ahead to the living room remembering all of yesterday, the sparks between the two, anyone could feel it. Yesterday was just extra clarification to let you know what you truly needed to do.

“San grab the damn platter!” Woo yelled. While trying to balance board games in his hands. “No one told you to grab twister and Yahtzee! No one likes Yahtzee Woo!”  With a smack of his lips San grabs the meat platter and trails behind Woo. Y/N looked up from the current conversation she was holding with Yunho and her eyes trailed over to Woo who walked in sporting the biggest smile, like always. Yunho looked down at Y/N and his eyes flickered over to Woo. Everyone but Mingi knew what Woo was doing to Y/N but yet no one but Yunho had the nerve to even attempt to save her. Yunhos smiled faded once he realized Woo wasn’t even glancing your way. His eyes trailed over to Mila the girl Woo was now head over heels for. Yunho saw your armor cracking day by day while your armor was cracking his heart was breaking for you. Gritting his teeth, he tapped your shoulder “Should we join everyone on the floor?” He said while flashing his pearly teeth. You drew your attention back to Yunho..”Oh..of course!” You tried to put on a genuine smile but it was so hard you had watched your husband fall for another girl right in front of your own eyes, getting the extra clarification was just the stamp of approval for everything. Plopping on the floor next to Yunho..trying to muster up the best smile you could.

 “And that’s when I said! You can’t swim with sharks Woo!” Mila barked out gripping her stomach laughing. Woo doubling over letting out his squawk of a laugh. While everyone looked at you, letting a pity smile through, San letting out an awkward chuckle. While Yeosang played with the string on his sweatpants, Hwa was layering cheese on his crackers, avoiding eye contact with everyone. Hongjoong looked back and forth between Woo and Mila, slowly his gaze fell upon his slightly chipped painted nails. Jongho nervously flashed his gummy smile..”That's my Hyung thinking he can swim with sharks.” He chuckled nervously. Yunho looked down at you, stone cold dissociating from the current events taking place right in front of you. It’s like Yunho could see the wheels turning in your head. “Y/n Y/n...? Y/N!” You faded back into reality, looking up and smiling at Mingi. “Yea Mingles?”. “I just wanted to see if you were going to be going to the gaming lounge with us tomorrow?” It got deadly quiet...you were positive you could hear everyone's heart beating at how quiet it was. Your eyes flickered to Woos and Milas..they both stared at you so intensely. You flashed your eyes over to Yunho who was staring Woo down, he let out a small chuckle. You put on the biggest fake smile you could.

 “No sorry Mingles. I have loads of chores to do around the house.”  He frowned..”I have an idea! Why don’t we help out! That way you can come!” He smiled so big his eyes shut. You noticed Milas hands had shook like she was nervous hearing Mingi confirming whether or not you would be coming along. “NO!” Woo shouted. Everyone turned their heads, staring at him. Woo slightly coughed, desperately trying not to look suspicious but failing miserably, clearing his throat. “You know how OCD she is about her cleaning! She knows she can always catch up with us another day. Right baby?” He flashed his smile at you. Milas jaw tensed up at hearing him call you baby. Mustering up the best smile you could..you looked him in the eyes, slightly tilting your head to the right “Of course Woo.” Mingi slightly nudged you with this elbow “Please?” He said with such a sad look on his face. His eyes flashed up to Yunho then back down at you. “It's been so long since we’ve all hung out..it's been six months now..you are my friend too.” Yunho let his eyes roam over Woo staring what felt like straight into his soul “Y/n is a friend to everyone here. No one could replace her. If she doesn’t attend I might not even go. Hate to have someone in our friend group not come.” He spoke with a passive aggressive tone. Mingi looked up at Yunho, following where his eyes were occupied. Mustering up a smile, you patted Mingi on the back “I promise next time.” Sticking your pinky out and smiling genuinely at Mingi. He started pouting and held up his pinky to lock with yours. “Next time! You promised, so don’t forget or I will cry.” “He means that too!” Yeosang spoke up, flashing a half smile your way.

 “A promise is a promise..I would never break one.” You silently whispered to Mingi. “Aww that sucks! I was really hoping us girls could be closer!” Mila suddenly spoke up with a fake sad pout on her face. Woo smiled as soon as she spoke, instant reaction. If anyone told you that you would be sitting in the same room as your husband's not so secret, very obvious mistress, you would’ve told them that they obviously don’t know your husband well enough..but as those thoughts clouded your brain you realized you didn’t even know your own husband well enough.

  You slightly tilted your head to the side smiling at her “Anyone need something out of the kitchen? I’m a little thirsty.” Y/N said while getting up and dusting off their pants. Everyone quietly refused. Yunho watched you walk away with your head held high and even though he knew you were cracked on the inside, not broken, you would never let anyone notice. As soon as you were out of earshot. Yeosangs hand swiftly came up, thumping Woo in the back of the head. Wincing slightly Woo rubbed his head shooting daggers at Yeosang. Yunho's face shriveled up, shooting daggers at Woo, while Hongjoong rubbed his hands over his face. Jongho looking down and picking at his nails, Hwa stuffing a cracker in his mouth while looking between Woo and Yeosang, San looking anywhere but his members. Mingi looked at his group of friends folding his legs up to his chest, feeling the shift in the air, making himself feel small. He could feel that something was going to change within their group dynamic..but he couldn’t exactly place his finger on what it was. He knew something was brewing, now he was just waiting for everything to boil over.

The pre heated oven beeping had brung you out of your thoughts. Blinking rapidly..you let a small smile creep on your face while wiping your tears. Only if Woo knew that you knew not only did Yunho and Mingi not attend the gaming lounge after yesterday's events, none of the boys did. You knew he was with her, the long nights of him coming home, you could smell her on him. Did he really think you were that blind...naive at times? Yes, stupid? Not in the slightest. You let out a small laugh which turned into you hysterically laughing, laughing so hard tears were pouring out of your eyes..you don’t know if they are tears of laughter or tears of pure heartbreak and realization. You let your hands run over your hair. Looking into the glass on the oven door...looking at your current state..eyeliner running down your cheeks, mascara smudged, your wicked smile painted on your face, truly looking like a scorned lover, insane. While continuing to look in the reflection. You decide you are in the mood for a much needed drink you waltz to your liquor cabinet. Sipping straight from the tequila bottle. Slowly the liquor was doing wonders on your body and giving you liquid courage. You push yourself off your kitchen counter...eyeing your and Woos wine glasses, the ones you sipped from on your wedding night, the ones you vowed over, promised over. A blind rage mixing with the liquor pumping in your veins. You grab your wine glass and pour Tequila in it. “For better or for worse! Sickness and health! For rich or for poor! You yell while raising the glass in the air, pouring the liquor from your glass in your mouth, suddenly you throw your wine glass at the wall screaming, letting out the pent up anger in your body surface. You shove all glasses from the cabinet, hearing them crash at your feet, sounding like the most beautiful music. Smiling wickedly, you open more cabinets as you throw all your wedding glass dishware that you saved from that special day on the kitchen floor. Letting out screams of frustrations, screams of being heartbroken, screams of defeat because you dedicated so many years to him.

 Opening every cabinet, you can in the kitchen and throwing the glass on the floor. Tears are pouring down your face, while you laugh menacingly. The glass crashing, while letting out heart wrenching sobs, You saved his wine glass for last..reaching up to grab it. Looking at an object with so much hate and disgust, you drop it hearing the glass shatter sends shivers up your spine. It's all sounding like the most beautiful symphony you have ever heard. The sweet symphony is cut short when you hear your phone ring. Pulling your head out of the current events you answer without even noticing who was calling. “Hello?” you answer, trying to catch your breath. “Baby! I will be home in about 30 minutes. While I was coming back from picking up dinner I got a flat. Don’t worry though, it's fixed! Also I picked up dinner!” He says with a slight laugh in his tone. Woo goes on talking in that loving voice which you have grown to realize that you hate. Your eyes flash to the clock on the oven realizing that almost two hours have passed by. You smile “Oh how generous of you Woo.” you say while rolling your eyes. First it was San who was getting flowers. Now it’s coming back from picking up dinner? “Well love, I will see you in 30 minutes.” you quickly hang up. Looking at the glass on the floor...you wickedly smile again. Waltzing over to grab the broom you start cleaning with the biggest smile plastered on your face. This was it you thought, your armor has finally cracked, your mental state is now in shambles, you’ve officially lost your mind you think while a smile continues to break across your face. You spin the broom around like it is a person while silently laughing. Catching another glimpse of yourself in the oven door. You realize you have to clean up your face, quickly you rush off to the bathroom and fix your makeup, reapply your perfume, while taking a long swig from the tequila bottle, and brush your teeth to get rid of the liquor smell that was heavy on your breath. Just as you were making your way to the kitchen while adjusting your shirt.

You hear Woo pull into the driveway. Putting up the tequila and grabbing your mixing bowl and whisk which you had neglected for hours. You make your way to the front door, flicking on your front porch light to greet Woo. Opening the door slowly with a huge smile on his face “Hello baby!” He greets you with open arms, bags of take out in one hand and his bag in the other. You forcefully smile “Welcome home my love.” you place down the mixing bowl full of cupcake batter, slowly lifting your arms to put around his neck. While leaning in you notice the slight foundation smudge on his collar, rolling your eyes you hug him back. “I’ve had the longest day!” Woo says while placing his bag down and carrying the takeout to the kitchen. Hearing his voice get smaller and smaller as he walks away. You walk up to the front door, looking across the street, locking eyes with Yunho who is sitting in his car. You give him a thumbs up. He throws his head back on his headrest and lets out a chuckle, eyes dragging back over to you slowly. 

The eye contact between the two of you darkens and you both let a wicked smile grow on each other's faces, smiles so big it resembles the Cheshire cat. “Honey, are you coming?” Wooyoung says while walking towards you, he puts his hands on your waist. You throw him a simple and breathless yes, while smiling and staring at where Yunho was parked. Wooyoung looks down and notices your big bright smile. 'What's got you smiling so big baby?’ he questions while internally you want to vomit. “I’m just happy is all.” You say while letting out a soft sigh, dropping the smile you were giving Yunho and settling for a more subtle smile. “Come on, let's go eat.” He says with a small tug to your waist retreating to the kitchen again. You step back in the house, before flicking off your porch light. Yunho starts his car, before he drives off he throws a wink your way. Flicking off the porch light..you can still make out his eyes in the darkness that are staring straight at you. He starts to pull off, while he’s driving off down the street you hear his menacing laugh in your ears echoing down the dark street, resembling the laugh you were letting out earlier in your kitchen. You step back in your house silently humming to yourself while walking to the kitchen with a wicked grin on your face.

“You say I'm crazy

'Cause you don't think I know what you've done

But when you call me baby

I know I'm not the only one.”

I love the thriller vibe of Yunho😭💗! I swear I can see him playing a villain/bad guy in a drama! So what are we thinking, what are our thoughts? Who do you think in Ateez would be the perfect villain/bad guy in a drama?

Thank you so much for reading🫶! Part 2 is now up and posted!

👇 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇

I’m Not The Only One // YH Part 2

DO NOT REPOST OR MODIFY.

[gatorprompts]

𝐋𝐎𝐊𝐈  𝐐𝐔𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒 .

from  the   disney+  series .  mentions  of  death  present .

“ i  beg  your  pardon . ” “ on  behalf  of  the  time  variance  authority ,  i  hereby  arrest  you  for  crimes  against  the  sacred  timeline .  hands  up ,  you’re  coming  with  us . ” “ get  out  of  my  way . ” “ can  you  at  least  tell  me  what  it  is ? ” “ it  sounds  dumb . ” “ know  this .  you  cross  me ,  there  are  deadly  consequences . ” “ please  sign  this  to  verify  this  is  everything  you’ve  ever  said . ” “ oh ,  this  is  absurd . ” “ do  a  lot  of  people  not  know  if  they’re  robots ? ” “ this  is  a  mistake !  i  shouldn’t  be  here . ” “ who  actually  believes  this  bunkum ? ” “ i’m  sorry ,  my  friend  is  an  imbecile . ” “ madam ,  a  god  doesn’t  plead . ” “ look ,  this  has  been  a  very  enjoyable  pantomime ,  but  i’d  like  to  go  home  now . ” “ no  one  bad  is  ever  truly  bad ,  and  no  one  good  is  ever  truly  good . ” “ can  you  hear  me ?  are  you  a  recording ?  or  are  you  eve  alive ? ” “ love  is  a  dagger . ” “ i  thought  perhaps  we  could  work  together ,  but  now  i  see  you  lack  vision . ” “ come  any  closer  and  i’ll  kill  him . ” “ you’re  not  the  only  tech  savvy  loki . ” “ i  don’t  know  what  that  means ! ” “ i’m  sorry ,  madam .  didn’t  exactly  have  time  to  scan  the  brochure . ” “ by  the  way ,  i  thought  you  wanted  me  dead . ” “ so  we’re  a  team  now ? ” “ welcome  to  the  real  world .  down  there ,  we’re  awful  to  one  another  to  get  what  we  want . ” “ you  could  be  whoever ,  whatever  you  want  to  be ,  even  someone  good . ” “ every  moment  those  variants  are  out  there ,  we’re  all  in  danger .  find  them ! ” “ and  so ,  that’s  where  i  grew  up .  the  ends  of  a  thousand  worlds .  and  now ,  that’s  where  i’ll  die . ” “ do  you  think  that  what  makes  a  loki  a  loki  is  the  fact  that  we’re  destined  to  lose ? ” “ we  may  lose ,  sometimes  painfully .  we  don’t  die . ” “ we  survive .  i  mean ,  you  did . ” “ you  did  it  on  your  own .  you  ran  rings  around  them .  you’re  amazing ! ” “ well ? ” “ i  know  you  have  some  quip  you’re  dying  to  say . ” “ oh ,  i  don’t  have  a  quip .  i’ve  nothing  to  say  to  you . ” “ when  you  think  the  ends  justify  the  means ,  there’s  not  much  you  won’t  do . ” “ what  is  this  place ?  where  are  we ?  who  are  you ? ” “ this  is  the  void ,  that’s  alioth .  and  we’re  his  lunch .  come  on ! ”  “ i’m  as  in  the  dark  as  you  are . ” “ your  whole  reality’s  been  destroyed .  tell  me ,  how  does  it  feel  to  be  on  the  other  side  of  it ? ” “ this  is  it ,  isn’t  it ?  this  is  where  you  dragged  me  after  you  stole  my  life .  a  fitting  place ,  then ,  to  take  yours . ” “ and  what  if  i  said  loki  wasn’t  dead ?  not  yet ,  anyway . ” “ i’d  say  you  were  lying . ” “ maybe .  or  maybe  we  want  the  same  thing . ” “ i’m  telling  you  this  willingly . ” “ i  want  to  know  who  lied  to  me . ” “ that’s  nice .  super  believable . ” “ i’d  like  to suggest  we  take  a  quick  breather  so  i  can  ask  several  thousand  questions . ” “ it’s  been  a  very ,  very ,  very  trying  past  few  days .  ” “ all  i  know  is ,  i  got  pruned  and  i  woke  up  here ,  and  now  i’m  surrounded  by  variants  of  myself ,  plus  an  alligator ,  which  i’m  heartbroken  to  report  i  didn’t  even  find  all  that  strange ! ” “ tough .  got  to  keep  moving  so  we  don’t  die . ” “ why  the  hell  is  there  an  alligator  in  here ? ”  “ okay ,  but  what’s  your  plan ? ” “ don’t  die . ” “ don’t  die  isn’t  a  plan .  it’s  a  general  demand  of  living . ” “ we’re  all  villains  here .  we’ve  all  done  horrible ,  terrible ,  horrific  things . ” “ all  i  know  is ,  i  don’t  want  to  hurt  you .  i  don’t  want  a  throne .  i  just  want  you  to  be  okay . ” “ well ,  if  you  think  it’s  a  bad  idea ,  i  prefer  you  to  speak  your  mind . ” “ we  write  our  own  destiny  now . ”

[lycheedr3ams]

I want to follow up to this. I wasn’t going to go into detail about it, but after learning everything that came out, I have to because I am heartbroken. I do not have all the details but the baseline story is clear enough

Before I go on about this, DO NOT DM ME ABOUT THIS! I’m not going to say anything more than I do in this post.

Remember always that there is a human behind the screen.

BLOCK ME IF YOU ARE A MINOR. MINORS ARE NOT WELCOME ON MY BLOG

TW: suicide, false accusations

Inquisitor was an Italian Ghost cosplayer. He was accused of being a pedophile because he once had a convo with a 17 y/o who was posing as an adult. Once he found out this girl was 17, he blocked her. But people kept accusing him of being a pedophile and the issue just snowballed.

The details are a bit confusing from here, but apparently a famous tiktok cod cosplayer pressured his girlfriend into flirting with Inquisitor for them to gather more “evidence” against him. There were 3 girls involved in this whole thing I think, and they all admitted that they made up everything about Inquisitor being a pedophile. These were rumors.

Suicide mentions ahead

Yesterday, Inquisitor ended his life on a tiktok live. This human being, who made fun cod cosplay, was painted to be a monster because people - minors especially - made up the accusations of him grooming minors for attention. There is no evidence of Inquisitor doing this, AND THE GIRLS ADMITTED THAT THEY MADE ALL THIS UP!!

While I am usually always on the side of the victim, this is just a whole different thing. There was no evidence for Inquisitor doing this. He blocked the girl as soon as he found out she was 17.

But what’s even worse was that these girls made up these accusations for attention. Then the cod community on TikTok bullied and harassed him to the point where he stopped posting, and later took his own life. Do you understand the gravity of this? A human being took his own life because he was bullied and harassed over false accusations.

Please just sit with that for a moment.

When it comes to online communities like this, you need to be very careful about accusations, especially when there is no proof. And it is never okay to online bully someone, ever. If you suspect someone of being a pedophile, rapist, etc., report them to the authorities. Inquisitor didn’t take his own life. The cod community on tiktok who harassed him did.

I never knew about Inquisitor before all this. I looked at his tiktok and he was just having a fun time with ghost cosplay. And now he is dead. All because of some minors who wanted attention. I have felt physically sick for most of today and I am on the verge of crying. I don’t care that I never even knew about his account or interacted with him. We have lost a human life because of online bullying and false accusations.

I am truly just at a loss for words. I am deeply hurt for Inquisitor. I have some male friends who have expressed the fear of having false accusations against them for these sorts of things. I know a lot of women get up in arms when men say this, but from having male friends whom I have known for a while and are good people whom I trust completely, and with what happened to Inquisitor, this is a valid fear. If you don’t like this take, then just block me. I’m not about to argue with terfs or shit about this. While I usually always believe the victim, it’s completely different with situations like this. And it was all. Fake. All. Fake. And there are many people on tiktok who are proud of this. Go to fucking hell

This has been on my mind all day. I am so so deeply hurt. My heart is breaking. I cannot describe how I am feeling. But this needed to be known: Inquisitor was innocent, and was driven to take his life because of false accusations.

If you disagree, don’t harass me and shit. The entire cod community across all platforms knows this is fake. There are articles online about it if you want to look it up.

And that’s all I’ll say on this issue.

Rest in peace, Inquisitor

Serious talk about COD cosplay community below the cut

PSA: seriously please do not interact with the COD cosplay community on tiktok or insta. It’s a very toxic community and I don’t want to get into the details of what happened. I’m not going to discuss it either, I myself figured it out from other people’s posts about it on other sites.

A lot of cosplayers are leaving the community because of this. Please be safe, and really be mindful of who you’re interacting with online. If you don’t like someone, block them and be done with it

[blog-of-a-multitude-of-fandoms]

My Heart - Robbie Jennings (1)

Pairing: Robbie Jennings x Reader

Characters: Robbie Jennings, Tom Jennings

Warnings: N/A

Request: Anon: “Heyy love can you write an imagine of Robbie Jennings, that he is super affectionate, but he is very popular and some girls flirted a lot with him and the reader couldn’t take it and it ended because the reader thought it was not enough for him, but he makes a surprise for them to come back, the rest you decide, thank you.”

Word Count: 684

Author: Hannah

School was often brutal, sometimes you liked being there and other times it was the last place you wanted to be, but that’s the same for every teenager, surely.

The only downside to your school day most of the time is that Robbie had no shortage of admirers, of course you couldn’t blame them, but it did get grating.

Robbie had never given you a reason to doubt him or not to trust him; the two of you had been together for a little under a year, and in that time he had been the most amazing boyfriend to you, a part of you truly felt you’d found your person but then the other part of you still had worries.

You saw the looks the other girls gave you at school as you walked down the corridor holding Robbie’s hand, the looks they’d give you if they saw you helping at his Mum’s store, the looks you’d get if they saw you two out on a date together – they were endless, and always judging.

The rational part of you knew that you should have said something to Robbie about it all, but it always felt so petty to complain about some looks you got from a few girls.

In the end, your doubts got the better of you, and your heart hurt at the heartbroken look on Robbie’s face as you spoke to him by the sea.

“But I thought we were good? We’re happy?” he questioned you, sounding both hurt and confused.

You sighed, crossing your arms in an attempt to shield yourself. “We are Rob, but I don’t think I’m enough,” you admitted to him. “Those girls at school, the ones that are your age, they’re much more suited to you than I am, they can do a lot better than I can.”

Robbie was shaking his head as he paced on the beach. “Why can’t we talk about this? Why can’t we work through it?”

You sighed again, deciding to walk over to him in an attempt to stop the pacing. He stopped as soon as you were in front of him, his hands going to your waist and his forehead resting on yours.

“Please Y/N,” he pleaded with you. “Those girls at school, they have nothing on you, you are it for me,” he rambled as he kept his forehead against yours. “Remember all those plans we made? Moving to Brighton after we finish, going to college there, getting our own place,” your heart hurt more as he reminded you of everything you’d promised each other.

It took a lot for you to leave Robbie on the beach that day, but the whole way home you told yourself that it was for the best, and he’d be better off.

That’s what you told yourself for the next two weeks. Robbie wasn’t himself at school, that much you knew, and neither were you – it was hard to see him walking down the corridor looking so hurt but trying to smile for his friends, it hurt to see him in general if you were being honest with yourself.

Even Tom had tried to come and speak with you at lunch, trying to convince you to speak with Robbie.

“Come on Y/N,” Tom begged you as he walked alongside you in the corridor. “Rob doesn’t know what to do with himself, he’s a wreck.”

“What do you want me to say Tom?” you sighed as you spoke, shifting your bag back onto your shoulder. “That I hate that I’ve done this to him? That I can’t stand how heartbroken he looks? That I wish I could fix whatever I’m feeling?”

Tom chuckled but ultimately nodded causing you to roll your eyes.

“It’s not that simple Tom, I can’t change how they look at him, I can’t change how it makes me feel, and I don’t want to be a burden on him.”

It was Tom’s turn to roll his eyes, as he then caught your arm before you went to storm away. “Look, come to his gig this Saturday, he’d want you there.”