#I’m still sad it was removed from the setlist

[rachlou86]

I was saving TTDS for December! It’s too early for holiday music Taylor smh

[lesbiancarat]

Tbh I’m really glad they cut the setlist down a bit. Because when I saw their schedule and it looked like they were going to do 3+ hour shows multiple times a week, for weeks if not months on end, I got really worried. Ode To You really showed us that that will make the members sick, so I’m glad they (seem to) have learned from it. And if a shorter setlist is what’s needed to keep everyone healthy, I’m all for it <3 Another thing is, if they want to be a group that does concerts and tours for a long time, when the members are well in their 30s, they need to lay the groundwork for it now. It seems like they’re looking further ahead now, good for them!

And I really don’t want this to sound Iike I’m guilt tripping people into feeling bad for the members or anything like that, or that no one can be disappointed about the shorter setlist or the songs they cut (rip boom boom </3), but I do think we should try to be more understanding when the members do something to take care of themselves, especially since they’ve shared their struggles of the last tour with us. Yes a 4 hour concert would be incredibly fun I would love to experience it too, but at what cost? It’s simply not realistic on tour. It was possible in Seoul mostly because of the ments (I rewatched my recording the other day and the ments take up at least an hour), as the members are more comfortable in Korean and thus more chatty, the super long encore, and in general they could ‘go all out’ because they weren’t traveling and had some time off right after - all factors that are completely different on tour. Not to mention that 3-4 hour concerts are NOT the standard (Seventeen were just too generous) and we should not push for it to be the standard, for the sake of the artists and everyone involved.

Same anon as last ask. So just to make it clear, what I said wasn’t directed at you, but was more so a general message because I’ve seen some carats be unhappy or confused about the setlist, so I wanted to bring that up. Ok that’s all have fun at the concerts everyone 💙

oh yeah, there was never a doubt in my mind that they would at least shorten the ments a lot even if they didn't shorten the setlist itself. a 4 hour show at every stop just isn't feasible, especially with how intense their performances are. and their ments are always shorter outside of korea since they have to either use a translator or speak english themselves, so it's harder to make jokes/banter with the audience. not to mention SVT know or expect that a lot of the audience in the US may be casual fans or ppl who primarily stan other groups so they aren't going to make as many inside jokes as they would in korea either. like you said, there are just a lot of reasons 4 hour shows are possible in korea but not elsewhere

it's totally understandable for ppl to be disappointed if a song they were looking forward to got taken off the setlist (personally I'm sad i won't get to see 24H 😔). and i also get being disappointed about the reduced concert length if you don't have much concert experience and genuinely weren't expecting it. and for the most part the ppl I've seen talking about it are just talking about their disappointment over a specific song. but I've also seen a small handful of ppl that are having extreme reactions to the setlist change, and i agree that it's really frustrating

i feel like those people do not consider the fact that SVT are people or realize how taxing their performances are at all. i get that people want their money's worth, but it's not like 2.5 hours is a short concert, and they only removed 4 songs out of a set that still has 30 songs. i feel like anyone who's concerned over (in my opinion) that little of a difference should have done a better job at asking veteran carats what to expect before they bought a ticket. it's not like there weren't people talking about it 🤷‍♀️

it's just so frustrating to see people who feel entitled to a 4 hour show when there is video evidence on htr of how taxing tour is on SVT's bodies. I'd like to see all of those people do cardio for 4 hours every day SVT have a concert and then get back to me lol

even western artists that hold like 1-1.5 hour concerts with little to no choreo often get fatigued and sick when on tour so of course kpop groups are going to have a heavy toll on their bodies... that's also likely a big factor why kpop acts tend to have very limited stops during world tours. it's just not physically feasible for them to hold 50+ concerts in one tour

[becaeffinmitchell]

Fic: what i have (is who i carry home) (1/1)

Summary: Chloe, as it turns out, loves Valentine's Day.

Of course she does. Beca can't say she's surprised in the least.

aka, five Valentine's Days Beca Mitchell's had.

Note: After ten thousand years, I’m free! Or, you know, after eight years, I’m finally posting my first Bechloe fic. Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone 🥰  Gif credit goes entirely to @evenstars​ (thank you so much again!)

Words: 4,954

Read below or on AO3!

--------

i. 2012, Freshman Year, Barden University

There are so many other things Beca would rather be doing.

Like go to the dentist. Actually show up for class. Spend time over dinner with her dad and the step-monster.

Okay, maybe not that last one. Nothing in the world would make her choose that.

But here she is, in that stupid red hoodie, holding that stupid bow and arrow, standing in front of people, refusing to sing that stupid song with Amy.

*

 Later, back at the auditorium where they have Bellas practice, Aubrey's voice is shrill and loud. (As always, Beca thinks.)

"Beca, you really need to be picking up the slack. We need every dollar that we can raise so that we have enough to cover our journey to the semi-finals, and you're dead last in our fundraiser right now."

Amy mutters something under her breath, soft enough for Beca to hear something about — the bus? The Trebles? She doesn't really know. Whatever it is, it's not something she wants to get in the middle of.

"Maybe we can think of something new to do." Beca's tone is dry, and she schools her expression into something neutral on her face, her head tilted slightly, knowing that Aubrey has to know she isn't just talking about the fundraising activity.

It's just — she can feel the potential of these girls, okay? And it's such a shame that they're stuck doing the same three songs, over and over. If she could at least try, show them her arrangements, maybe they'd have a fighting chance.

"I have the pitch pipe, and I say we do this exactly how we have been doing it."

Beca is about to say something snarky, something she knows is going to get under Aubrey's skin, when Chloe's voice rang out beside her.

"It's okay. I'll do it with Beca tomorrow."

She hasn't even noticed Chloe approaching them in the midst of this, so her head whips around so fast at the sound of her voice.

"Don't you have a class during that time, Chloe? That's the whole reason why we couldn't pair you up with Beca." There's something about Aubrey's clipped words that is super careful and controlled, like there's more that she wants to say but isn't.

Chloe shrugs, before turning to Beca with a beaming smile. "It's okay, skipping out on one Russian Lit lecture won't make a difference."

 *

 Chloe, as it turns out, loves Valentine's Day.

Of course she does. Beca can't say she's surprised in the least. She thinks she doesn't know anyone who's more enthusiastic about everything and anything.

There's something about Chloe that feels like embers starting at the base of Beca's dead, cold heart, warming it up and turning itself three sizes larger.

It's not a thing she wants to unpack right now; she's not the type to get attached to people, and especially not when she's going to go through with her plan, and leave at the end of the school year. It doesn't matter if her dad helps her or not.

"Do you have any plans for tomorrow?" Chloe's voice, melodic as it comes, breaks the silence as they walk towards the south quad. She looks ready to go through the entire residence hall, her angel wings bouncing behind them.

"It's a day corporations literally invented to convince everyone to buy cards and chocolates and flowers at jacked up prices, so..."

Chloe lets out a happy sigh. "Maybe so. But it's also a day to celebrate love! And love is so awesome. I love love. And I'm not just talking about romantic love, though that is nice. You can also celebrate the love from all relationships in your life. Like your best friends, or your parents, or your siblings."

Beca raises an eyebrow, because Chloe is just so goddamn earnest. She tugs at her hoodie. "Let me guess, you and shower guy have a date?"

"Who, Tom?"

"How many shower guys do you have?" There's a beat. "Actually, don't answer that."

 *

 So here she is, still in that stupid red hoodie, still holding that stupid bow and arrow, standing in front of people, and singing a duet with Chloe Beale.

 *

 The next morning, Kimmy unceremoniously drops a box at the foot of Beca's bed, a loud thud waking her up.

There's a sleeping mask, a whole clip of flash drives, two huge jars of peanut butter, and cans of Red Bull in the box. There's also a card, and her name is written carefully in the middle of an envelope.

Happy Valentine's Day, Beca!!!! I've said this before, and I'll say it forever: I'm SO glad that I met you. I LOVE that you love music like it's the one thing you can't live without. It's something that really resonates with me, too. You make us better. :) :)

xoxo,

Chloe!

 *

 Beca drifts off to sleep that night, the music still playing in her headphones. She's wearing that sleeping mask across her eyes.

 ------------

ii. 2014, Junior Year, Barden University

 The thing with Jesse is, he really loves these grand gestures of romance.

Sometimes Beca thinks that that's his favorite part. It's almost like he's in love with the idea of being in a relationship.

Worse still, in love with the idea of her, like she's this perfectly scripted character who exists for him.

Last year for Valentine's Day, Jesse had shown up at her dorm. Well, outside of her window actually, boombox on his shoulder. She'd tried not to wince, her lips pressed together into something resembling a smile (she hopes) to the strains of In Your Eyes, at the ungodly hour of dawn.

It isn't even that she had just gotten to sleep like, two hours before that. Or the very clear and enunciated "fuck off!" that her neighbor gave them, complete with a dramatic slamming of her window. At least she doesn't have to deal with that now, now that they've all moved into the Bellas house, newly renovated.

It was just a lot, right? And maybe she should have been a better girlfriend to anticipate it this year, or at least match some of that. Rise up to his level, or something. She just has a reservation to a fancy Italian restaurant in Midtown, and she made that way in advance. So maybe she gets points for that?

January rolls into February, and she dreads it. Every day is a countdown to The Fourteenth.

 *

 Here's the more pressing thing: Chloe seems sad. Not all the time, but Beca catches it occasionally.

She presumes she knows her best friend pretty well by this point, until she's doing things like failing a single class on purpose so that she doesn't graduate. For the second year in a row.

And Beca gets it, at least on an abstract level. If she starts thinking about what comes after graduation — and that's in a year and some — she gets nervous, too. But in no version of her reality does she get so paralyzed with fear, that she would opt to repeat her senior year like it’s groundhog year.

She wishes she could know why, for certain. She can't help if she doesn't know what's going on in Chloe's head, but for the first time, it's Chloe's turn to clam up and switch the subject.

So Beca doesn't push. She hopes it's enough to keep her afloat as she works through whatever it is. She doesn't really know what that entails, but music? Music she can do.

She pours her energy into putting together a really solid mix for Chloe; it's all the songs that remind Beca of her, and their friendship. She picks songs and arranges them and removes them before she puts them back in, because it has to sound right.

Beca feels like the world's biggest dork for giving it to her the morning of Valentine's Day.

Well, second biggest dork, because she intercepts Chloe leaving the gift boxes in the room, for her and Amy.

"Hey, uh. Happy Valentine's Day," she says, handing her the flash drive — one of the many that Chloe has gotten her over the years, like she's her supplier — and hoping she doesn't look as awkward as she feels. "It's not anything like your, like, super thoughtful gifts." She gestures in that general direction. "But you're my best friend, so... here."

She gets pulled into a hug, and Beca can't be sure, but it sounds like Chloe's 'thank you' is strained and she's about to cry.

Beca hopes it's enough.

 *

 "So, Jesse gave you just the one earring?"

Beca's back from the dinner. It was... nice? There was a string quartet and Jesse made them play John Legend's All Of Me, and Beca didn't actually die of embarrassment when he started singing along, so she'll chalk that up as a win.

"Yeah, it's like — symbolism, I guess. From the movie." Beca shrugs, chewing on the popcorn she's made that Chloe is currently stealing. She thinks about lightly smacking her hand away, but ends up shifting the bowl so that it's nearer to Chloe.

Does she regret putting Don't You (Forget About Me) in their setlist? Maybe.

Probably not, all things considered, because it worked well together with the other songs, and they did win the finals that year. But it elevated the movie to mythical and legendary status for Jesse, and if he does that arm raising motion one more time during squabbles he wants to get out of? Beca might lose it even harder.

"Is it symbolism or a metaphor? I could never tell the difference."

"I think it was a metaphor in the movie," Beca starts, a thoughtful expression on her face. "But more of a symbol for like, me and Jesse? Oh my god." She presses her free hand to her eyes. "You're such a nerd. Stop making me think deeper about this than I need or want to."

"I just think it's nice," she hears Chloe say.

Beca hums, tone neutral. "It's something, for sure. Wait." She whips her head to face her best friend. "You didn't go out tonight? Ms. 'I Love Love'?"

Chloe chuckles lowly, quietly. "I have all I need here in this house, anyway."

 *

 When Beca goes to the kitchen in the middle of the night for a glass of water, she thinks she hears the soft strains of her mix playing from Chloe's room.

   ------------

  iii. 2017, Brooklyn, NY

 It's apparently the warmest February in New York on record, but Beca is still fucking freezing.

The incessant chill envelops the air, and she pulls her coat closer to her. She's bundled under layers, but the radiator in their tiny little apartment is, as most things in it, almost completely busted.

Jesus Christ. It's cold.

 *

 Amy is convinced she's cold because she's moping, because she's sad about breaking up with Jesse.

Beca knows she isn't, and it's not just the long distance thing.

They'd given it a fair go, and it sucked that he got busier with classes and she tried to solve all of the music industry's problems as an associate producer, working hours trying to make tracks sound... sonically unrotten.

It's not just the long distance thing, because if Beca was honest with herself, it was probably a sign that when he told her that he was thinking of completing his studies in California, her immediate response was that of neutral indifference.

So, she is totally fine.

 *

 Beca hears Chloe singing softly before the door even opens, and she can hear it swing open too, and she knows Chloe is about to shrug her coat off —

"Don't bother, it's also cold in here," Beca says, from under the covers.

Then, her eyes track Chloe as she walks to the radiator —

"I checked, it's working. Supposedly."

"Aww." Chloe strides the distance — not that it's that long — and sits down on their shared bed. "You're so cute when you're grumpy."

"Aren't you freezing?" she chooses to deflect the comment, hugging herself petulantly. "Hey, how was your date with that guy at the clinic?"

Chloe hums noncommittally. "We went for coffee and he double-booked me with another girl."

"Dude. What a dick." Beca feels a flash of — annoyance? Chloe deserves the world. Chloe deserves everything she wants. "I'm sorry."

"I know. It's okay though." Chloe smiles at her. It's that smile that Beca catches that she thinks it's just for her, but she's also a logical person who knows that Chloe has that ability to make people feel like they're the most important person in the world. "I've got all I need right here."

Warmth pools at Beca's stomach, and honestly. It's a nice change from the freezing.

 *

 It's 2 AM, and they're cuddling, because of course they are; because Chloe is warm; because Chloe is an embrace personified; because... Chloe.

Beca stirs awake, and she feels Chloe's breath tickle at the base of her neck. She shifts, not uncomfortably. Then, Chloe's hand drifts sleepily, and lands somewhere on Beca's hip.

And then.

And then.

There is a sudden, startling clarity in Beca's mind, knocking the figurative breath out of her. Her eyes fly open.

She loves Chloe.

And not in the same way where she loves the rest of her found family in the other Bellas.

Oh no, a voice sounds in her mind.

Oh, this is very bad, she thinks.

She can't believe how still she is right now, feeling the entire weight of Chloe's body in contact against her. Feeling her slow, steady breathing against her back. She's not even cold anymore.

Okay. So she loves her best friend. Cool, cool, very cool. That's totally fine. She can handle this.

Chloe's been such a fixture in her life, at every turn; in every note in between the downbeat and upbeat that is her life. Music is in Beca's veins, her whole life, but music flows right through Chloe. She's tucked warmly in the melody, a motif throughout the entire song.

Holy shit, Beca thinks. She's been in love with Chloe for so long, she doesn't even know when it started.

 *

 Okay, so. There's a weird spot on the ceiling, right? And Beca just keeps staring at it, because if she closes her eyes, she will feel Chloe's presence so keenly, pressed next to her.

She can't do anything with this knowledge. She can imagine it now, Chloe giving her a comforting hug but tells her, sorry Beca, I love you but not in that way.

It's five whole years of friendship, of Chloe by her side no matter what, and that is the one thing that she's got that she doesn't want to risk, just because she had this stupid revelation.

God. It's so stupid. It'll pass. Right?

 ------------

 iv. 2018, Los Angeles, CA

 What is really fucking weird, even in the grand scheme of things, is journalists asking her if she's doing anything for Valentine's Day.

Which, like. First of all, Beca's not stupid, she knows it's a way to suss out her personal-slash-love life.

She's kept that pretty close to her chest for now.

But also, there's literally nothing to tell. She's not being defensive because there's something to hide away. Beca is knee-deep in work all the time, and she goes home to an apartment that feels too big for just herself. It's a big change from the entirely too cramped apartment in Brooklyn.

Sometimes she finds herself missing that very specific part of her life. Not the struggling and being unhappy doing work with no integrity, obviously. But Chloe is now a message and three hours ahead, instead of being a daily fixture in her apartment, and it leaves Beca feeling off-kilter.

But maybe that distance is a good thing, after... you know. Revelations.

Anyway.

Her work ethic doesn't stop rumors. She's linked to every guy available — and some not — every single time one of them likes her Instagram posts. She's pretty sure she's had at least two full relationships, according to the National Enquirer.

Theo gleefully sends her screenshots. She tells him to fuck off.

 *

 Chloe Look out, super star! I'm going to be in LA for a good friend's wedding in February!! If you think we're not going to hang, you're sorely mistaken.

 Beca is busy, but she sure as hell isn't going to miss Chloe coming to LA.

 Beca You have good friends outside of the Bellas? I am shocked, Beale.

 Chloe Don't be jealous 😉

 She's not. Not because of that, she catches herself thinking, and frowns at herself. Not because of anything, she decides. It's also exactly how she decides she doesn't have feelings for Chloe anymore, because Chloe is happy with Chicago, and Beca has work, and honestly? Best outcome out of every outcome possible.

Still, Beca offers up her apartment for the long-ish weekend that Chloe would be in town. She's not a monster, and Chloe has like, a mountain of student debt.

It's the least she could do.

 *

 (Beca thinks back to that first performance at the Citadel, just under a year ago. Thinks of all the nerves she's never felt before, while she's walking to the microphone. She's always had the girls on stage with her, but not this time. Her family would be seated in the front row, supporting her no matter how far she goes.

She gets to bring them up on stage this time, of course, but it's also a temporary balm and she knows it. But that's fine, she can figure that part out.

It's the after that smarts a little.

After the performance, after the event, after she feels that pit, growing and clawing from her stomach when she sees Chloe lock lips with Chicago.

After she walks away with Theo, trying her level best to carry on a conversation as if she's not affected by what she'd just seen; trying not to think of all the what-ifs.

After, on the plane back home, when she directs a small smile at Chloe's direction. If she's happy then she's happy for her.

It's the least she could do.)

 *

 Chloe's flight reaches the airport at 7 in the evening, and Beca's right there at LAX, waiting for her to emerge. She can see a couple of people with the big paparazzi cameras, training their lenses at her, but she doesn't care.

There's a flash of red as she sees Chloe running to her, and thankfully she catches her.

"Oh, I've missed you," Chloe says, so earnest and sincere as always; always, and Beca can hear her own heartbeat. She's almost worried that Chloe can too, like a traitorous Tell-Tale Heart.

"Yeah, well, regular sight for sore eyes, that's me." That's good, right? She hits jocularity right in the bullseye with that, as if she can't feel the top of her ears growing hot.

Chloe just laughs; like another kind of warmth. She draws her in again, hand rubbing up and down Beca's back.

Beca thinks she's stupid, for feeling like she's home.

 *

 They get to Beca's place, Chloe appraising the place appreciatively as she wheels her luggage in.

"This is already at least fifty times nicer than our little shoebox in Brooklyn," she observes, and Beca shrugs, a little embarrassed.

"I mean, the label's paying for it, and it's like, it's — it's ridiculous." There's a voice at the back of Beca's head repeating, our little shoebox, and she wants it to shut up.

But it is ridiculous. She has so much space, and two rooms; she sleeps in one and the other one is where she works. She's pretty sure she spends more time in the latter than she does the former.

"Anyway, uh, so here's my sort-of office, it's a bit of a mess right now." She waves her hand around (god, why is she using her hands so much) at the room with her equipment and instruments, before stepping to her bedroom door. "And here's the bedroom, which, like. You should take the bed. My couch pulls out and it's really comfortable?"

"Don't be silly," Chloe tells her, looking back at the king-sized bed. "We've slept in way more crowded spaces. This will be perfect."

Beca swallows, hard. Perfect.

 *

 Falling back into a routine with Chloe is scarily easy.

She's been here for less than three hours, and Beca's already back to being attuned to her. They put on some music in the background, she listens to Chloe talk so passionately about school and all the stuff she's learning, and Beca is so proud.

She brushes her teeth and changes into her pajamas after Chloe does, exactly like how they used to, and climbs into her bed.

"Oh, shoot, I almost forgot," Chloe's saying, and Beca cocks her head curiously to see what she's forgotten. Her best friend comes back with a box, and hands it over to her.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Bec. Also, I don't think flash drives are in fashion now," she winks. "So your Google Drive storage has been renewed, for all the audio files you need to back up. Don't worry, I didn't look at anything else."

"Wh — oh. Oh, right, Valentine's Day, gifts and all," Beca says, and looks at the box in her hand. "Wait, is this —"

"Chocolate from your favorite place in New York? Yessss," Chloe says, a laugh coloring her tone. She settles back into bed. "Not that you have a shortage of chocolate places here, but Amy reminded me of the time she ate most of the last box after how you were saving your favorite pieces, so I thought I'd bring some here for you."

Beca's heart clenches.

"Thanks, Chlo." She's pretty proud of how unwavering her voice is. "I miss it."

"It's been tough for me too, not having you in my orbit," Chloe says, bumping their shoulders together.

"Yeah? Must be extra tough, because Chicago's not around either." Then she's scrambling. "Not that I'm like, comparing myself to your boyfriend in any way."

She sees Chloe's mouth twist to the side. Beca's eyebrows knit together.

"Chlo?"

"He's not my boyfriend anymore." Chloe's words are slow, measured. Like she's afraid of setting something off.

Beca pauses, as she takes it all in.

"Oh. I mean — Are you okay?"

"Yeah. It's been..." Beca sees Chloe's furrowed brows as she thinks. "Three months, almost. Just right before Christmas."

Beca thinks back to Christmas; to the group messages, the online gift cards and food deliveries made in each other's names. Nowhere in her memory exists this piece of information, and she's pretty sure she's not been that shitty of a friend to miss this.

It feels a little bit like being hurt, actually.

"Oookay," she says, licking her lips a little, letting the air out of her slowly. "Okay. Well. Good night, Chloe."

 *

 Beca can't fall asleep, and she's pretty sure she knows why. It's been an hour of staring at the ceiling, and she tries to will her stupid mind to shut down for the night.

She thinks Chloe must be asleep by now; her body clock must be three hours —

"Bec?"

Beca pauses for so long that she thinks Chloe might actually think she's asleep.

"Yeah."

She feels Chloe shift. "I want you to ask me."

Beca wants to be obtuse and frustrating; wants to pretend she doesn't know what she's talking about. Instead, the confusion and hurt win out.

She pushes herself up on her elbows, then into a sitting position. It doesn't feel like a conversation that they should have lying down. She waits for Chloe to do the same, before finding her voice and words.

"Why didn't you tell me that you and Chicago broke up?" Dimly lit by the street lights outside, Beca sees her shift in place, and she feels Chloe's hand reaching for hers. "I thought — well. You know. That we tell each other things."

Which is slightly rich, coming from her, she knows. But still.

Chloe sighs, just quietly. "Because I have feelings for someone else."

Beca blinks, taking that in. It's a weird feeling because she's simultaneously crushed and hopeful, and maybe it's the hour, or maybe it's Chloe's hand in hers, but as her eyes sweep across Chloe's face, Beca is emboldened.

She leans in, and time feels like it's slowing down as she closes the distance and presses her lips on Chloe's, roughly and then temperately.

Beca's not the most impulsive person. In the moments, though, when she is, they always leave her wondering if she'd done something stupid — like punching creepy middle-aged a cappella guys, like leaving in the middle of a fight, like pulling the girls up on stage during her solo set.

Like kissing Chloe Beale in her bed.

So she pulls back suddenly, as quickly as she had started it, an apology already stumbling out. "Fuck, I'm sorry, I just assumed, I'm so sor—"

Chloe makes a noise; something that sounds like no, her eyes so startlingly blue even in this light, and Beca freezes. She's sure her brain is working out some sort of rambling apology or excuse, maybe pass it off as a joke somehow?

But Chloe pulls her back in, both thumbs lightly touching Beca's cheekbones as she meets their lips again.

This second kiss is deeper, slower, more connected. It takes her breath away, as her hand curls at the back of Chloe's neck. Chloe tastes like mint and sweetness and sincerity, and a little like hopeless optimism on Beca's part.

A soft gasp escapes, and Chloe pulls away this time.

Beca has a tentative smile on her face, as she takes in a breath heavily; the questions written so plainly on her face.

Chloe's eyes shine.

"It's always been you, Beca."

 ------------

 v. 2020, Los Angeles, CA

 Having your anniversary on Valentine's Day is good. And bad.

Mostly good, because it means that Beca has that to help keep herself honest and not forget it, because it's impossible to.

Also, she won't forget, but, you know. Just in case.

Bad, especially last year, because it fell right around the Grammys weekend, and apparently when you're nominated and win pretty much... every single category you're in, that's kind of a big fucking deal.

(It started with Best New Artist, and by the time she's on that stage a fourth time, she literally had no other words and nothing but so much gratitude.)

But yeah, so last year's Valentine's Day-slash-anniversary was overwhelming. People contacting her from all corners, wanting to congratulate her and get some sound bites; the internet pouring both support, and scathing critique on her and her music.

Beca wishes she could say she rose above it, that she was as cool as her publicist thinks her to be.

Instead, Chloe had to deal with her, a stressful human ball of anxiety and nerves. Amazing, wonderful, sweet Chloe, just happy to be around her during these exciting and utterly vulnerable times.

 *

 This year, though. This year she's older and wiser.

Hopefully.

This year, the day falls on a Friday, but they've decided to celebrate it the next day and through the weekend instead, because Chloe has a seminar she needs to attend for school, and Theo had packed Beca's entire day with a long meeting.

Key word: had.

At 7 AM, as she wakes up groggily and checks her phone, the invite has disappeared from her calendar, presumably rescheduled for some other time. She vaguely notes the message from Theo about entire teams not being available, and Beca's not going to question the reason why, because she's immediately looking up flights to Ithaca and books the first one out.

 *

 (I'm not private jet rich, dude. Also, carbon footprint. Text to Amy, because of course.)

 *

 Here's her plan:

She'll make a beeline to Chloe's apartment (Beca's been here plenty of times, in the past couple of years; met her friends here in Cornell, hung out with them, appreciated that they're her support circle while she's here), and she'll say something incredibly dorky, and Chloe will kiss her, and then, they will properly celebrate.

God, the things Chloe can do with her mouth; the sounds Beca can get her to make.

Beca doesn’t even bother squirming in the plane seat.

 *

 Chloe I have a surprise!!!

Whereeee are you? 🥰🥰🥰

 *

 Here's what happens instead:

Beca has to fly back home — noun, the place where she lives; noun, Chloe — because while she was spending six hours flying east, Chloe had done the same in the opposite direction; her seminar being canceled (something about the professor being sick?).

She can't believe it.

Okay, she can maybe believe it.

God, the Bellas are going to have a field day with this.

 *

 In the group chat, Chloe's taken a selfie of herself in Beca’s apartment and captioned it: I flew here a day early to surprise Beca, but she flew to Cornell instead to surprise me too 😂

 Emily OMAG YOU GUYS that is SO CUTE!!!!!!

 Beca reads Emily's text, shaking her head, knowing that this is the younger girl's version of restraint.

 Flo One time I thought a guy was going to propose to his girlfriend on the plane, but turned out he was having a heart attack instead.

 Jessica&Ashley #justsoulmatethings

 *

 Rush hour in LA is so horrible, and it's nearly 8 PM when she finally gets back to her apartment. She jogs all the way from the Lyft to her door.

Beca never jogs.

Her own door flings open, and she sees the smiling face of the woman she loves.

"Flying cross country for me is so romantic."

"You did that too," Beca points out, a small smirk on her face.

"Yeah, but you did it twice." Chloe beams, and kisses her again, and again.

[astranva]

i’m gonna rant really quick (it’s not about o dw)

i hate that harry played fine line on only two shows in the european leg. it is still the FINE LINE part of the tour. also i’m not complaining or anything i swear. like he’s been playing medicine at almost every show so why can’t he play fine line. (this is coming from someone who has never seen him live) i get that he can’t have another harry’s house tour there but like i think all deserved to hear fine line live.

no because same. taking out fine line from the setlist was such a sad move because that song is more than just a song to so many people. it’s literally the core of LOT and most people paid for the LOT setlist so it sucks that they didn’t get to hear it live.

the only reason why i’d think it’d be okay for him to remove it from the setlist is if he has some bad memories connected to the song or something but if he took it out just so he could start and end the european leg with it…then that’s just not it

[missmitchieg]

I.... Wanna talk about Bobby and his... Ehh, "friendship" with the boys, Bobby's feelings about his place in the band, and their feelings about him postmortem.

So in Whatever Happens, Luke was super dismissive of and straight up violent with Bobby for a while there and Alex and Reggie both took Luke's side in the Emily argument and were literally just casually betting on whether Luke was about to clobber Bobby, Reggie straight up said Bobby's not that good at guitar, Luke only sat next to him in the van not because he wanted to, but because with Reggie being Reggie, he had no other choice and he was ignoring Bobby for his journal, and with Bobby, who is probably the only one that can both drive and owns a vehicle, Sunset Curve looks like a "real" band. Bobby said he felt like he wasn't really a part of the band or their friendship and knew he wasn't as good as Luke at guitar.

In We Got The Music, Julie hates him for stealing Luke's songs and questions if they were really friends, Luke says Bobby sucks at rhyming and karma's going to get him, the guys made a list of haunting ideas, they all agree Bobby's unforgivable, and they drew devil horns and a tail on him.

In The Edge Of Great, Luke describes Bobby-Trevor as "greasy-haired" when they go to the mansion. He's doing the absolute most to mess with Bobby, traumatizing him in the process. Then when Julie shows up, Luke admits he's already more concerned with her and her happiness and trust in them than he is with anything else. But he still wants more revenge, so he asks Alex about Willie, who says he'll talk to him. At the club, Luke says they'll do whatever it takes to get back at him. After Julie quits, all Luke cares about is apologizing to Julie and getting her back in the band. Reggie just wants to go back to the club to eat pizza. When Julie does come back, they all care more about Julie and not messing up again than anything.

In Wake Up, none of them were like "aww, you don't have to get a hot dog. You can just hang with us." and they all just left without a second thought to Bobby and he was like "cool, I'mma hang out with the pretty girl". After they die, Julie never asked about the fourth member of the band and the guys never brought him up, either.

In Bright, (ooooohhh Bright) Alex put Bobby in an entirely separate category to both 'friends' and 'family' because he was neither a friend nor family to them. Now, an argument could be made for that meaning he was putting Bobby in a more important category, but an argument could also be made for Alex putting him in the least important category that was just an afterthought to friends and family. Also, Reggie entirely forgot that Bobby existed until Alex brought him up. Luke says with his whole chest "I'll tell you what we had. It's what we've had since the day we came together. Boys, we have us. We're the only family we're ever gonna need.", like, as if they're not literally missing 1/4th of their band. As if their not missing their other best friend. And then they just had a song about this band is back and were singing and dancing ll around the beach, and then they performed with Julie for the first time, with a Sunset Curve song they had planned to perform at The Orpheum together.

In IGTM, we find out that apparently, none of the boys have ever talked about Bobby to Julie to find out that he became Trevor Wilson and took a lot of Luke's music for himself and the gang only found out after... What, a week of knowing each other? Two weeks, at the most? So first, we hear Alex refer to Bobby as "our rhythm guitarist". Not, like, "our rhythm guitarist, our best friend", or like, "our little brother", just "our rhythm guitarist". Nothing more. Then Reggie says Bobby looks "old", Alex says he looks like "a substitute teacher", Luke instantly hates him for not mentioning them, and Reggie's pissed that Bobby didn't help their families with money and they go to revenge-haunt him. Reggie huffs and puffs and harrumphs about Bobby being the type that wears sunglasses indoors and says he can't stand him. Luke says it's "time for his past to haunt him." They moon him.

In The Other Side Of Hollywood, Alex introduces the guys to Willie who takes them to meet Caleb so they can get even more revenge on him. Instead of doing that, though, Caleb redirects their attention to food and music, doing Bobby a massive favor. Like, who knows what more those boys would've done in a wrath fueled second haunting of their most loathed ex guitarist?

In Finally Free, Reggie was pissed as all Hell at Bobby while Luke just completely stopped giving a shit about a large part of this fandom's favorite rhythm guitarist with a pretty voice, solely because Luke's insistence on getting revenge on Bobby made them miss a gig and it made Julie frown so he was like "Well, I never wanna be the reason for that happening ever again, so." and chose to remind Reggie, who calls Bobby a "jerk", to take Julie's words to heart and focus on the music they were making with her.

Then after that, the guys just kinda... Never bring up Bobby again? He's just kinda irrelevant to them and to the plot until the finale.

In The Edge Of Great, Luke's concerned with Nick's crush on Julie, finalizing the setlist for the garage party, cheering Alex up, and Julie. Alex is concerned that Willie suddenly changed his mind about him, and then sad that Willie broke up with him. Reggie helps Carlos prove a point to tia Victoria and then helps Luke cheer up Alex, then performs at the party.

In Unsaid Emily, Alex and Willie sort of make up, Reggie's just sort of bonding with Ray and he and Alex say they're gonna miss the Molinas, and Julie & Luke visit his parents to make things semi-ok again.

In Stand Tall, the guys commit some crimes to get the band to perform at The Orpheum and cross over. Reggie's mourning the Molinas and wondering if he'll still be with Alex and Luke in Heaven. Julie's morning her eventual inevitable loss of the guys. Then they perform and have the time of their life/afterlives and Julie removes Caleb's brand.

No one cares about Bobby Trevor anymore except for Bobby stans and, in a way, Bobby antis. 'Cause the stans are all like "wtf #JusticeForBobby!" and the antis are like "loooool the guys like Julie more than they ever liked Bobby. Sucks for him."

So now, Bobby is so far removed from the guys and so far from Julie that no one's thinking about him anymore. At all. They're only thinking about themselves and each other, like Julie and Caleb told them to. Even Carrie's more preoccupied with herself and Julie than her father. The only one thinking about Bobby is himself. Even then, he's also losing his shit because "The boys are back. Why are they back. They're supposed to be dead. What's going on. What is my life. Is this karma for taking Luke's music. I'm going to see my therapist, but first I need to lie down."

Every piece of canon content just constantly reiterates that Bobby was the guys' friend but the guys were not Bobby's friends.

[mosh-4]

listen (iii)

harry styles imagine mini series

part iii to listen - harry has a soulmate (soulmate au)

you had finally come to your senses after you had just launched yourself from your porch into the arms of your soulmate. With his arms wrapped around you and your blanket slowly slipping from your shoulders into the snow, you began to pull away from him.

             “not that I’m not happy that you’re here, but who gave you my address?” you asked.

he released you from his grasp and began pulling your blanket back over your shoulders.

             “I have my ways,” he laughed.

you squinted at him puzzled.

             “I’m kidding. Kath gave it to me.”

             “oh…honestly, it’s Kath. I’m not that surprised.”

you both let out a little laugh as you peered up at him. you blinked away the snowflakes that landed on your eyelashes. you reached up and gently brushed the snow from his hair.

             “we should probably go inside before we both freeze.” you suggest pulling the blanket away from your frame to peer down at your fuzzy-sock clad feet sinking into the snow.

             “oh god, y’er poor socks,” he laughed looking down at what you were looking at. “let’s go inside before ya get frostbite.”

             “come on, you can meet my dog.”

you grab his hand while his other hand held his snow covered bag that he had dropped in the snow when he caught you.

Harry smiled as he watched you turn toward your front door with your hand in his while your other hand held your blanket around your frame. you pulled him up your front steps to the door, opening it for him.

a big ball of fur bounded out the door and swarmed the both of you.

             “Marley,” you laughed pushing her down as she tried to jump on Harry. “down. we don’t jump on people.”

you led her back inside with Harry on your heels.

Harry gently shook the snow from his hair with his hand. He set his bag down by the door and waited for you. He smiled as he watched you talk to your dog like she was a small child.

             “be nice,” you said letting go of her collar to let her investigate Harry. “she’s not really aggressive. she’s just skeptical of new people. she’ll warm up to you in a second,” you told him.

Harry placed a hand down to let your dog sniff him. she advanced toward him sniffing him before backing away barking again. Harry peered at you to see if her reaction was okay. he watched as you bent down to her height gently petting her.

             “Mar, it’s okay. he’s a friend.”

you finally turned your attention to him. you looked at him from your crouched position. Harry took the hint and squatted down next to you. he put his hand out in front of him again. now that his towering height was gone, Marley approached him and sniffed his hand again before nudging her nose under his loose hand.

             “what is she doing?” he laughed, slightly nervous.

             “she wants you to pet her. she’s not much of a licker so this is how she shows affection,” you replied as you ruffled the fur on Marley’s back.

Harry moved his hand to pet the top of her head, and Marley began to relax.

             “thank god she likes you or this would have been over,” you laugh turning to look at him in the eyes.

his eyes met yours, and he smiled.

             “really? just like that?”

             “just like that.”

you both stared at each other for a moment with goofy grins on your faces.

             “come on, let’s get into something warmer.”

--

you laughed throwing your head into Harry shoulder as the two of you were curled up on your chase lounge. he had changed from his plane clothes into a pair of soft sweatpants and a sweatshirt. you had changed your socks and threw the other pair and your blanket into the dryer. you had FRIENDS playing in the background, but neither of you cared to watch.

             “when did you know I was y’er soulmate?” Harry asked brushing your hair away from your face.

             “when you and Kath called me?”

             “no, you had to have known before then. I don’t believe that you didn’t know until a few months ago.”

             “alright, fine,” you sighed taking his hands in your so that you could play with his fingers. “you remember when you were in one direction?”

             “vaguely.”

you both laughed.

             “so when you were on your take me home tour, I despised you guys.”

             “WHAT?” his eyes grew wide at your statement.

             “I thought your music was too familiar. I’m sorry. it wasn’t until I realized why it sounded so familiar. I heard it every night while you were on tour, and then I mentioned it to Kath and Eva-she’s our other friend. and, they thought it was weird that I heard your music every night in the exact order of your setlist, and they started planting ideas in my head that my soulmate was one of the guys in one direction.”

             “I was totally convinced you were a fan back then. you were listening to my music all the time.”

             “no,” you laughed. “that was Eva and Kath. they were obsessed. Kath had a cardboard cutout of Niall.”

Harry let out a loud laugh.

             “she gave me Niall-girl vibes.”

             “shut up,” you shoved him lightly. “don’t tell her I told you that.”

             “no promises.”

             “I swear. you can’t tell her that I told you that. she’ll skin us both alive.”

             “okay. okay. secret is safe will me. now tell me when you knew.”

             “okay, okay,” you said taking his hands back. “so after they were convinced that one of you was my soulmate, I looked you guys up. I went to youtube just as every new fan does, and I searched “one direction funny moments.” naturally, I found your video diaries-”

             “oh god,” he pulled his hand back to cover his eyes.

             “I watched all of them, and I started to fall in love you guys, but I wasn’t going to tell Kath or Eva that. I would have never heard the end of it. then, I came across your x-factor audition.”

you stopped talking to gauge his reaction. he peeked at you through his hand.

             “that was my favorite song when I was fifteen.”

             “I know. you listened to it a lot.” he removed his hand from his eyes.

             “I remember hearing that amateur sing it over and over again, right around the time you would have auditioned.”

             “amateur, excuse me, I am a professional,” he scoffed feigning offense.

             “you weren’t then, Mr. Harry Styles.”

             “so that’s when you knew? you’ve known since we were sixteen?”

             “well, not really. I had an inkling. it made sense for it to be you. the audition, then hearing the tour setlist every night, then later I heard you recording your albums. I had an idea. it wasn’t really solid until I actually went to your shows.”

             “god, my head hurt like hell the first time I played here.”

             “it was like a ringing echo crushing my skull.”

             “yeah.”

             “I have to admit, the last show I went to wasn’t that bad.”

             “hmmm?” he questioned peering over at you from where he had laid his head back.

             “Kath got us front row tickets to your Live on Tour show.”

             “ahhh, so that was you? I recognize you now. you were that pretty girl I gave that water bottle to. you were about to pass out.”

             “can you blame me? you had just announced to the whole arena that your soulmate was there, and I was standing right there, knowing that you were probably my soulmate.”

             “I tried to get you after the show.”

             “what?”

             “I sent security after you when the show was over, but they couldn’t find you. you left so quickly.”

             “that sucks.” you curled yourself into his chest.

he laughed running a hand through your hair.

             “that sucks? that’s all you have to say?”

             “mhmm,” you murmur nodding your head gaining another laugh from your soulmate.

             “wow.”

             “so now that I answered your question, you have to answer one for me.”

             “shoot.”

             “falling.”

             “oh.”

             “that’s my dad’s piano melody. you put it in your song.”

             “to be fair, it was a piece of you, and I was sad.”

             “so the song is about me?”

             “yeah, I wasn’t in a good place, and I wanted to find you. I messed up, and I didn’t know if you would love the version of myself that I was becoming. or, if I would love that person. it’s a conversation I imagined us having.”

you got up to look into his eyes while he was trying to look anywhere else.

             “and now? do you love the person you are now?”

             “I don’t know. I think I do, but I have my days.”

you ran a hand through his hair, and his eyes finally met yours.

             “I’m proud of you,” you said with love swelling in your chest.

you really wanted to admit that you loved him, but you didn’t want to be the first person to drop that bomb so instead you told him that you were proud of him. you were. you were so immensely proud of him and everything that he has accomplished. you were proud of how he managed to carry himself and to be mindful of his mental health. he had been through a lot, and he was still here, grounded, sitting on your couch petting your dog.

             “I’m proud of the person you have become,” you reiterated.

you stared into each other’s eyes for a bit. he played with the ends of your hair.

             “I don’t want to freak you out. I know we’ve only really known each other for a short while, and perhaps this is just my sleep deprivation getting to me, but I want to tell you that I love you.”

you laugh planting your face into his chest. your fists clutch the front of his sweatshirt as you practically lay yourself on him.

             “I’m completely serious.”

             “I know,” you said pulling away to looking straight in the face. “and I want to tell you that I love you too.”

             “good, good,” he said pulling you back to his chest. “glad we’re on the same page.”

             “yeah,” you hum. “it’s definitely due to sleep deprivation though. we might regret it in the morning.”

             “we might. promise you won’t regret it in the morning.”

             “I pinky promise.” you threw your pinky finger up to him.

             “pinky promise.” he entwined your pinky fingers together to lock in the promise.

you sleepily closed your eyes. you wrapped your arms around his chest. your head was laying in the nook of his neck.

             “are you falling asleep on me?”

             “figuratively and literally,” you murmur with your eyes closed.

             “please tell me you don’t have to work tomorrow.”

             “I do. I have to go in at eight.”

             “nooooo,” he whined wrapping his arms around you.

             “you and Marley can hang out and eat my food all day tomorrow. just save me something good.”

             “okay,” he murmured into your hair before kissing your head.

             “can we sleep here, or is it going to hurt your back?”

             “I’ll be okay for one night. go to sleep. I’ll set an alarm for you.”

             “okay, I need to be up by six.”

             “I got ya.”

             “thank you. goodnight. I love you.”

             “goodnight, love. I love you.”

you fell asleep in the glow of your christmas tree with Harry gently pulling a blanket over the two of you.

--

you made your way up the frosty front walk to the steps of your front porch. your briefcase loosely hung from your shoulder as you jostled through your coat pocket to find your house keys. after finally retrieving your keys, you unlocked your front door only to be greeted by Marley.

             “hi baby,” you greet reaching down to pet your puppy. “where’s Haz?”

             “hi,” he said pulling your attention from your dog.

Harry stood in the entrance way of your kitchen drying his hands with a dish towel. you practically swooned at how hot he looked. Harry had the sleeves of his sweater rolled up to his elbows. his hair was gently pushed back, probably from the amount of times he ran his hand through his hair.

             “hi,” you smile back at him before going to hang your bags up on the coat hooks by your door.

             “how was work?” he asked helping you take off your coat.

             “it was good. I started in on analyzing a new set of scans. it was interesting but busy,” you said grabbing your phone from your purse before turning around to face him. “what have you been up to all day?”

             “Ahh, the dog and I went for a run.”

             “you did?” you laugh looking up into his eyes.

             “yeah, ya didn’t tell me that she tries to eat the leash when ya go faster than a light jog.”

you laugh at him resting your forehead against his chest.

             “she does. I’m sorry. we’ll have to work on that.”

he wrapped his arms around you as you rest your chin on his chest to look up at him.

             “after our run fiasco-”

             “wait, aren’t the sidewalks partly frozen still?”

             “I was getting there if ye give me a chance.”

             “oh haz.”

             “so after I started takin’ her back to the house with a light jog, I bit it on an ice patch and fell into a pile of street slush-”

             “noooo, are you okay?” you asked trying to stifle your laugh.

             “you can laugh. I’m fine. my ego is a bit bruised though. so after that, I did laundry. then, I decided to make dinner for us so I went to the store.”

             “you made dinner?”

             “yeah, just a simple spaghetti. I hope that’s okay? I probably should have asked if you had any dietary preferences or issues.”

             “Harry, it’s fine. I like spaghetti.”

             “good, good. we should probably go eat then. hopefully, Marley didn’t help herself already.”

             “no, she’s right here,” you nod your head into her direction.

Harry turned his head to her.

             “oh hello,” he said to her before turning back to you. “come on, let’s eat.”

he led you back to your kitchen to your small breakfast table that he had decorated with candles and a pretty tablecloth.

             “you really pulled out all the stops.”

             “I had to impress a pretty lady,” he said pulling your chair out for you.

             “wine?”

             “yes, please.”

--

two plates and a bottle of wine later, you were both curled up on the couch together once more. you had worked together on the dishes, and whatever was left of your dinner was boxed up and placed in the fridge for leftovers.

             “do we tell people?” you murmur to him with your head resting on his shoulder.

             “people?” he asked moving his head to look at you.

             “yeah, like our families and friends.”

             “ah people. we should probably tell them.”

             “unless you want it to be just us for a while. until we really get to know each other.”

             “I don’t think it would hurt to just mention it to our inner circles.”

             “that sounds good,” you nod against his chest.

             “who’s in y’er inner circle?”

             “my parents and brother, probably. then, maybe my cousin-we’re pretty close-and maybe Kath and Eva.”

             “sounds like a solid inner circle.”

             “who’s in your inner circle?”

             “my mom, sister, and sometimes, dad. then, probably Mitch and Sarah. for work purposes, I would probably have to tell Jeff, but we can stall on that until I have to get back to work.”

             “ugh, please don’t go back to work,” you whine wrapping your arms around him. “I’m kidding. you can always go back to work. I’m just gonna miss you. I would sew myself to your skin if I could.”

             “creepy.”

you laughed. you had to admit you were a bit tipsy.

             “I work in criminology. you’re gonna get some gallows humor from me.”

             “I’ll take it. and, I don’t want to get back to work yet. I want to stay here as long as possible,” he said into your hair. “just you, me, and the dog.”

you giggle. yes, you’re giggling now.

             “yes, you, me, and our Moogie,” you repeat. “isn’t that right, Moogie?” you asked Marley as she watched the two of you from her spot on the couch on the other side of Harry.

she let out a soft sigh. she was getting tired of being the third wheel. you both chuckle at her before Harry got back to the conversation at hand.

             “should we text our families?”

             “you want to tell our families over text?” you ask him wide eyed.

he shrugged.

             “how would you do?”

             “a sober phone call tomorrow morning.”

             “oof, I guess that’s slightly better. would you chicken out if you were sober?”

             “maybe,” you shrug. “do you really want to do it now?”

he shrugged once more. he was a man of very few words when it came to big decisions. that’s what you were at least finding out now.

             “okay,” you respond whipping out your phone before downing the rest of your wine glass. you pressed a few buttons before putting the phone up to your ear. “mom, hi, how are you?”

you pulled yourself off the couch and started pacing around the family room as you talked to your mom on the phone. Harry stared at you with wide eyes, watching you to see what you’re gonna say.

             “so mom, the reason I’m calling-is dad with you?,” you flash Harry a nervous grin before you continue. “put me on speaker. no, everything is fine, just put me on speaker. okay-mom are you listening?” you brush a hand through your hair. “you’re listening? okay. the reason I’m calling is because I found my soulmate.”

Harry watched your expression as you listened to their response.

             “it’s a guy, yes,” you laugh. “oh my god, would it have been so horrible if it wasn’t. jesus, mom.”

Harry laughed at you before reaching his arms out to you. you took that as an invitation to sit in his lap.

             “he’s very nice…he’s staying at my place right now…WE JUST MET…yes, he is very respectful, and he’s been super good to me.”

you could feel Harry’s laugh against your back. you lean your head back to stick your tongue out at him.

             “you guys can’t meet him yet,” you say jumping out of his arms to start pacing again. “because I want to spend more time getting to know him before he has to get back to work. no mom, he’s not from (your hometown).” you meet Harry’s eyes, and he gives you a perplexed look. “he’s from out of state.” you shrug at him. “yeah, that’s probably why everything was so quiet.” you listened to her ramble before you figured this conversation needed to be over. “listen mom, I will call you later this week to tell you more about everything, but I’m tired and I have a busy day tomorrow…okay, I will talk to you later…thanks, I’m excited too…yes, I will tell you all about him later…okay, love you. bye.”

you hung up your phone before collapsing back into Harry.

             “I did my part. your turn” you pat his chest.

             “it’s 4 am in England right now. I’ll call in the morning,” he murmured into your hair while he wrapped his arms around you.

             “good,” you say burying your face into his sweater. “I want you to myself tonight.”

you could feel him laugh through his chest.

             “what did y’er mum say?”

             “she wants to meet you. they’re happy for us though. they were starting to think there was no hope for me.”

             “that’s good. I think my mum and sister will be happy too.”

             “I hope so,” you say looking into his eyes. “I hope they like me.”

             “they will. they’ll love you. I just hope your family likes me.”

             “oh, they love you,” you laugh running a hand through his hair. “they love The Harry Styles, from my many years of being a fan of one direction, they have to love you at this point. but, they’re gonna love just Harry too.”

             “oooo, risky question. who’s girl were yeh? were yeh a Liam-girl or a Niall-girl?” he smiled as you laughed at his question.

             “I’ve always been a Harry-girl.”

             “ye’r just saying that,” he said throwing his head back. “that’s such a cop out.”

             “I’m not,” you said sitting up. “it’s always been you.”

             “are you okay that I’m just Harry?” he blurts out biting his lip. you could tell that he had been thinking about this for a while. “you’re not in this just because I’m The Harry Styles.”

             “I love just Harry,” you say placing your hand on his cheek. “don’t get me wrong, The Harry Styles is pretty cool, but I would still love just Harry if he was still the boy in the bakery.”

             “I want to kiss ya right now.”

you stared into his eyes as he held your gaze. his eyes were filled with such admiration and love.

             “okay.”

with that, he placed a hand behind your ear and pulled you to him. he placed his lip against yours and kissed you. you placed your other hand on his cheek as you kissed him back. he kissed you again deeper as you moved to straddle him. he moved both of his hands to your hips as he pulled you closer.

you pull away to take a breath, resting your forehead against his.  

             “I love you.”

he reached up to tuck a piece of your hair behind your ear.

             “I love ya so damn much.”

you pressed your lips against his once more. you kissed him until you were breathless. he wrapped his hand in your hair while the other was around your waist. you continued to make out until you felt a cold, wet nose against your cheek.

you jumped pulling away from Harry to start at the culprit. Marley stared at you before letting out a small deep bark.

you start to laugh before collapsing into Harry’s shoulder. he wrapped his arms around you as he began to laugh with you. Marley let out another loud bark at the two of you. you began to pry yourself out of Harry’s arms.

             “she has to go out,” you tell him as you get off his lap. “let’s go Marley.” you pat your leg for her to follow you. in response, she jumped off the couch and followed you to your back door.

you stood at the back door as your watched Marley roam around your fenced-in yard for a minute. she seemed okay as she explored.

you made your way back to your living room before collapsing into Harry’s lap once again.

             “where were we?”

--

you woke up the next morning in your bed with Marley at your feet. with bleary eyes, you slapped your hand against the spot next to you to find it empty. you rubbed the sleep out of your eyes as you sat up. you listened for the shower, but you only heard a muffled voice coming from your living room.

you pulled the covers from your body before putting on Harry’s sweater from the night before. your bare feet padded through your hallway before you made it to your living room with Marley following behind you.

you found Harry shirtless on your couch with his phone pressed to his ear. you plopped yourself down next to him as he sent you a smile.

             “yeah, mum, she’s great, and I can’t wait for you to meet her.”

you smiled as you placed your head on his shoulder.

             “she’s awake now so I’m gonna call ya later, okay?” he murmured into the phone. “bye mum, love ya.” you waited a few moments as he hung up the phone.

once he was done, he wrapped an arm around you pulling you close.

             “how did ya sleep?” he asked before kissing your head.

             “good,” you murmur into his chest. “what did your mom say?”

             “she was happy. I called Gem before her, and they are both really excited. they were both skeptical at first, just wanting to make sure, that it was right. that I wasn’t being an idiot. once I explained the whole thing, they were really happy for us. they really want to meet you.”

             “yay,” you say turning to wrap your arms around his shoulders.

             “I see a trip to London for us in the future.”

             “yay for us.” you look up at his eyes from where you had your head buried into his shoulder.

             “do you want to tell Kath and Eva?” he asks meeting your eyes.

             “yeah, we can text them.”

             “oh, so you just want to text them? no phone calls?”

             “saves us from the screaming,” you say pointing at him.

he laughed pulling you closer.

             “true, true.”

             “let’s just send them a selfie. I trust them.”

             “you sure?” he raised an eyebrow at you.

             “absolutely. we can tell them to keep it quiet for a bit. that we want privacy and stuff. they’ll get it.”

             “okay, let’s do it.”

with that, you got up from his lap and padded back to your bedroom. you snagged your phone from its charger before making your way back to the couch. you slide back into your spot next to him. you held you phone up to take the picture, but he had other ideas. he pushed you back on the couch. you fell on your back laughing as he laid his head on your chest. you fixed your phone.

             “smile,” you laugh as you clicked the button to take the picture.

             “send it,” he murmured looking up at you. he wrapped his arms around you as you moved to type your message to the group chat with your friends.

you: keep it quiet, but I have acquired a soulmate.

             “I sent it,” you say putting your phone down to look at him. “do we want to make breakfast?”

             “yes,” he says getting off you to place a kiss on your forehead. he grabbed your hand to pull you up with him. “let’s eat.”

as you both made your way to the kitchen, Harry let Marley out the back door before placing himself at the counter.

             “y’er phone is blowing up.” he slid your phone across the counter to you.

             “oh boy,” you say opening your messages from Kath and Eva.

Kath: HOLY FUCK IT HAPPENED

Kath: tell Harry hi for me

Kath: I’m so happy for you both

Eva: OH MY GOD

Eva: is that Harry Styles?

Eva: OH MY GOD WE WERE RIGHT

Eva: YOUR SOULMATE WAS IN ONE DIRECTION

Eva: QUEEN I CALLED IT

Eva: I am also very happy for you both. Call us later with details.

you laughed before showing Harry the messages. he smiled as you typed back a ‘thank you.’

             “breakfast?”

             “breakfast.”

you and Harry made small talk as you made breakfast together. you were just happy that your small world was getting a bit bigger. you loved your little life with Harry in your small home, and you couldn’t wait for this to be the rest of your life, even if he had to get back to work eventually.

.

.

.

hi! i’m sorry this took me so long to write. this is the end of the official series, but if you want me to write one shots based on soulmate!harry let me know! i’m on my winter break for a while so i should have more time to write. anyway, i hope you enjoyed. feel free to send requests - mosh 

taglist:

@winchesterwife27​

@awesomebooklover17​

@2410slb​

@inmygardensuit​

@thefangirlsblog​

@swtxel​

i hope i got everyone’s tags! 

[nolongerironicteenwrites]

is it too late to have a naruto phase?

three years pt. 1 

message me and talk to me i have a lot of feelings 

also read this and other works i have on my ao3 

link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29640645/chapters/72872319

Kiba kicked the grass in front of him. He looked like a kicked puppy. You felt it in your heart. You were leaving your home, the place you spent the last seventeen years of your life, and everyone around you looked so sad for you.

    “Guys. I’m not dying. I’m just-”

    “Leaving.” Kiba finished.

    “Kiba come here.”

You pull him down to you and you kiss his forehead. Kiba smiled at you but he still looked sad. Akamaru even nudges your hand, making you drop to your knees, to kiss him and tell him goodbye as well.

    “Where’s your boyfriend? Waiting for him is such a drag.”

You looked at your childhood best, Shikamaru.

    “Shikamaru.” There was a tone of warning in your voice.

    “What? All your friends are here telling you bye and your boyfriend isn’t here? Our teachers even came to see you off.”

You flushed and punched him in the shoulder. He had a point. He fake winced then went back to a regulated deadpan expression.

    “If you must know. He had work. So we said goodbye already.”

Shikamaru tisked. Tenten and Lee took this opportunity to hug you with Neji. He just offered you a small smile and a side hug. You took it, you knew how he could be. Your heart squeezed at that.

    “We got you some gifts,” Neji spoke quietly. “We all kind of worked on it with Sai’s help.”

Choji and Shino handed you a bag. It caused you to sit on the ground to open the bag. First, you pulled out a small box. You unwrapped the box and opened it out to pull out a pendant and chain. Everyone produced similar things. It was a friendship pendant. Neji had it on his keys like Sasuke and Shino. Everyone else with the exception of Shikamaru wore them as bracelets. Shikamaru wore a necklace like yours was set to be. You smiled putting it on.

    “I love it. We all match.”

    “There’s more.” Tenten sang.

You couldn’t believe it, there was more. You pulled out a frame. Sai looked so excited and proud. You flipped it to see a picture. An adorable picture.

    “It’s a screen print but before we all took turns coloring each other,” he explained grinning ear to ear.

You smiled.

    “If you want to know who colored who, Sai and I colored each other along with Neji, Neji ended up coloring you since you couldn’t know. Shino and Naruto, Tenten and Kiba, Lee and Sasuke, Hinata and Choji and we even got Ino and Sakura to get along to make this for you.” Shikamaru explained.

    “I love you  guys.”

Everyone smiled and chimed “I love you too” all around. Giving you hugs all around Even your old teachers gave you hugs. You felt the love when you were given a college survival kit from the teachers. You smiled and waved. Shikamaru grabbed your wrist before you walked away.

    “Troublesome woman. Making me already miss you.”

    “What a drag.”

He hugged you tight. You felt him smirk against your temple. You felt your eyes get misty-eyed. The Leaf was your home, leaving it to go to school was hard for you since you were going nearly two cities away and had no friends. But this program was the gateway into your future, especially in music. You looked out over the town before going to your car, you’ll be back. You promised.

That was three years ago. You had made good, you would go home once a month and then again during the holidays. A lot for you has changed. You meet the greatest roommate ever and her siblings. You four started a band with them. You got cheated on about halfway through your freshman year. Released an EP with them. Graduated early. You know the works. It was a change.

Before the concert, you were scheduled to perform for your EP when someone knocked on the door. You were confused. Normally one of the members just opened the door. Temari and Kankuro just let themself in, Gaara never. You sighed and called for them to come in. Temari opened the door looking a bit annoyed holding, Shikamaru.

    “(Y/N)? Do you know this guy?”

    “Shikamaru?”

He pulled his arm away from her. She nodded and walked away. Once she was out of earshot Shikamaru looked at her go, almost like he was checking her out.

    “She is..”

    “My keyboard player…” You replied by getting up. “Why are you here? It’s like- we’re like two hours both from the show and home.”

    “We made the trip to come to see you?” he looked more confused than anything.

    “All of you?” You asked skeptically.

     “I got Neji to drive..” he responded

You snorted. It felt hard to believe. As you were getting ready to respond Kiba nearly smashed into Shikamaru and then Naruto over his shoulder.

    “(Y/N)!”

You tripped over yourself backward. But someone grabbed them by the collar and pulled them backward.

    “You two need to be leashed. Hey (Y/N).” Sakura smiled.

You waved and moved aside to allow others into the room. Soon all your friends were standing in your dressing room with you sitting on the makeup counter. Everyone was really interested in your new look.

    “Your hair..” Neji pointed out.

    “Yeah, um breakups will do that. You decide the time to change.” you felt the sides. You decided to pixie your hair before the release of the EP. “Do you like it?”

He nodded. Reaching out himself to tuck a part of your bangs behind your ear. You blushed a little and looked at him. His eyes were soft and very blue in stark contrast to his long black hair tied up in a ponytail and black shirt. You took in what he was wearing, he was dressed in a black t-shirt and light wash jeans, pinched and rolled with a pair of black hightops. He had on a bomber jacket and his hair pulled back. You caught the look of shock on Shikamaru’s face. You flushed more and looked at the time.

    “How I’m sorry I have to finish getting ready- I uh. Look come back here after the show- and I’ll introduce you to my bandmates.”

Everyone took turns hugging you before leaving. Shikamaru hung back to look at you.

    “What was that?”

    “I don’t know Shikamaru. I don’t know.”

He smirked and walked away for you to get ready. You were not going to think much about that interaction. Neji and you were just friends. That’s it nothing more, nothing less.

The show went off without a hitch. It was great. You haven’t felt this alive in years. You saw your friends out in the crowd. It’s been a long since you’ve done something like this, you never felt more alive in your moment. You danced and sang your heart out with Temari and Gaara. You worked the crowd. You caught Neji’s eye and sent him a wink just to see what happened and he flushed and continued nursing his drink.

You got backstage and rushed to your room to change. Then another moment passed while you calmed down a knock came. You opened the door to see Gaara. You smiled at him and invited him in.

    “Gaara you were amazing.”

    “You are too sweet. I wanted to run a different setlist by you for tomorrow before I left.”

Temari and Kankuro showed up too and the four of you were discussing what the next plan was.     “Uh (Y/N)?” asked Shikamaru.

You lit up and invited them in.

    “Guys these are my best friends I’ve told you about. Shikamaru and Temari meet. But Temari, Gaara, and Kankuro meet the leaf. Leaf met my band.”

One by one they all introduced themselves to one another and fell into quiet conversation with each other. You leaned on your makeup mirror and Neji jumped up on the counter with you and smiled.

    “You were great.”

    “Thank you.”

He smiled a soft, reserved smile for you and leaned against you. He asked you some basic questions and then he hit you with an unexpected conversation.

    “So you and Gaara have some really good um are you two well?”

    “No. God no. He’s gay as hell.”

Neji blushed and looked at the redhead. Who was engulfed in a conversation with Rock Lee. You smiled at him. Neji didn’t know what to say he just looked nervously at you. You didn’t need him to speak more, you knew why he was asking. You leaned your head on his shoulder, he tenses up a bit before relaxing with you. Hinta saw this and slapped Ino.

    “Finally!”

You both jumped and looked at each other before both of you flushed. You shrugged. You weren’t sure what was going on but you weren’t mad. You had a soft spot for Neji, always. Even when you were dating Koma. He kissed your shoulder and you laughed. Shikamaru smirked to himself. Everyone pretends not to see anything. Hinata was nearly vibrating in excitement for her cousin. He’s never shown interest so this was new for everyone. Neji has always had feelings for you, he always has even back when you were with your ex. And you two were going to figure that out. Everyone funneled out after an hour or so. Neji and you parted ways with a promise to talk more about whatever this will be when you get home but for now, you’ll settle for texting non-stop like you're in high school. And that made you happy.

You were packing up when your phone vibrated, you pulled it out to see two text messages. One from Neji and one from Shikamaru.

n. hyuuga

    I had a great night. I’ll have to come to more shows of yours. Thank you. <3

you

    be safe driving back please. i cant wait <3

s. nara

    im gonna date ur keyboard player

you

    pls no

s. nara

    ima date her harder now.

You groaned getting into your car beside Temari.

    “What?” she asked.

    “Just Shikamaru.”

She hummed, nodding crossing her legs. Kankuro was removing his makeup and looking at you too. Gaara fell asleep against the window.

    “I’m gonna date your best friend.”

You headbutted the steering wheel and she laughed at your reaction. You left grumbling you couldn’t believe this.

[thecoleopterawithana]

Your quote: "So perhaps, when in 1989 Paul asks “Did I ever take you in my arms, look you in the eye, tell you that I do” the part that he “never did” was the latter"( with John according to your perspective??)--I saw a video where Paul says he's talking about how the workaday life meant he sometimes took marriage and Linda for granted--like we all do our spouses at times--and that was why he wrote that song. Your take please? Respectfully inquiring--thanks!

Hello, anon dear. Thanks so much for your respectful request! Especially considering that every opportunity I get to talk about “This One” is a personal pleasure.

I believe the video you were referring to is this one (eheh), where correspondent Bernard Goldberg interviews Paul for the TV series 48 Hours. The episode follows part of The Paul McCartney World Tour, which marked not only his first major tour outing in ten years, but also the first time in his solo career that a substantial number of Beatles songs were included in the setlist.

Paul is asked about “This One” near the 8:30 mark of the first video and his answer continues in the second part.

Here is a transcription of the segment in question:

-

Q: Let me ask you about one of the new songs, “This One”. Is it about a marriage?

Paul: A relationship, yeah.

Q: And about, not expressing emotions and feelings?

[Paul performing “This One”]

Paul: You get those moments, sort of late at night or when you’re feeling good and you think, “Oh, you know, it’d be great to kind of— I hope I tell her I love her enough, and all that.” And then come the morning, when you’ve got to get off to the office and it’s [yawns] “Okay, goodbye, love you!”, and so on. And, you know, life’s like that. And there’s never kind of enough time to— If you like your parents for instance, to tell them, “God, just what you meant to me.” 

[Paul performing “This One”]

Paul: You always think, “Well, I’m saving it up. I’ll tell ‘em one day.” And what happens with a lot of people is— Something like John, for instance, getting back to that subject. He died. 

I was lucky. The last few wee— months that he was alive, we’d managed to get our relationship back on track. And we were talking and having real good conversations. Real nice and friendly. But George, actually, didn’t, I don’t think, get his relationship right. They were arguing right up to the end. Which I’m sure is a source of great sadness to him. And I’m sure, in the feeling of this song, that George was always planning to tell John he loved him. But time ran out. And that’s what the song is about. There never could be a better moment than this one, you know, now. Take this moment to say, [hesitates] “I love you.” [Laughs] It’s not quite the same. 

-

Now, about your question. I take you were wondering why in the post you quoted me on I used an excerpt of this song to hypothesize about a facet of Paul and John’s relationship. 

Allow me to begin by saying that, as the wonderful @amoralto pointed out in the aforementioned post, one should be cautious about what kind of information we’re extracting from an art form like songs. The sources of inspiration can be multiple, and the exact meaning of the piece elusive even to its author. So it’s probably best to be prudent about taking the lyrics too literally or extrapolating the entire song as to be about a single situation/person. 

Nevertheless, there are still certain patterns and themes that keep emerging, and I am curious about examining those. And being songs one of the places where they more openly communicated and truly laid bare their feelings, I believe the tumble down the rabbit hole of speculation might be worth it, just to see what we may find there. 

As Paul put it:

The idea is that what I’ll leave behind me will be music, and I may not be able to tell you everything I feel, but you’ll be able to feel it when you listen to my music. I won’t have the time or the articulation to be able to say it all, but if you enjoy composing you say it through the notes.

Of course, John also said:

When Paul and I write a song, we try and take hold of something we believe in – a truth. We can never communicate 100 per cent of what we feel, but if we can convey just a fraction, we have achieved something. We try to give people a feeling – they don’t have to understand the music if they can just feel the emotion. This is half the reason the fans don’t understand, but they experience what we are trying to tell them.

So maybe we can experience the emotion they infused the song with, but not always be able to understand the circumstances that gave rise to it in their own lives.

To find that last crucial piece of the puzzle, one has to truly contextualise the song. And that’s where all the other more tangible sources of information come in, such as quotes and timelines. 

Of course, drawing conclusions from any kind of data is, in itself, an interpretation. And an inescapably personal one at that. 

The only way to approximate objectivity is through critical thinking and emotional intelligence. Continuously question your own assumptions and those of others, and don’t be attached to any one answer. Be willing to change your views based on new information and be open to considering new perspectives. I find that input from others is invaluable in drawing my attention to an angle I’d previously missed. For if our personal experiences sometimes blind us to certain facets of the subject we’re examining, they also give us a more intimate understanding of other sides of it, as we’ve walked in those same shoes before and know precisely what it feels like.

What I essentially mean with this disclaimer is that this is my current interpretation of the information. And my answers are usually so slow and long (my apologies) because I try to provide the data so that you can draw your own conclusions.

That settled, here is how I interpret Paul’s explication of “This One”. 

The interviewer begins by asking if the song is about a marriage and Paul sightly corrects him that it’s about a relationship. 

Then Goldberg posits his theory regarding the theme: “not expressing emotions and feelings.” And Paul goes on to explain, in his usual inclusive and generalising fashion: 

You get those moments, sort of late at night or when you’re feeling good and you think, “Oh, you know, it’d be great to kind of— I hope I tell her I love her enough, and all that.” And then come the morning, when you’ve got to get off to the office and it’s [yawns] “Okay, goodbye, love you!”, and so on.

He uses the second person to emphasize how the reporter must share his feelings — ‘you know what I mean, right?’ — thus making his experiences not only more relatable and perceivable, but it also slightly removes the focus from himself. You put it best when you said, “like we all do […] at times.”

He does start by giving the example of an apparently marital routine. And though it could have been chosen as something the interviewer would more quickly relate to, it may also be that he had difficulty “expressing emotions and feelings” in his marriage with Linda. He has spoken of such hurdles in his relationship with Nancy, which he expressed in his 2013 hidden track “Scared”. 

Well, I’m just like anybody else, man! You know? You get those moments. I don’t normally write about them; but it’s a good thing to use. I was feeling it, as well. I was newly in love with Nancy, and I was finding it a little difficult to say, ‘I love you.’ Number one, I’m a guy, and that’s a big excuse, I know, but it is a bit true to form…

— Paul McCartney, interview with Miranda Sawyer for The Guardian (13 October 2013).

So I slightly disagree with your assessment that the song is about “how the workaday life meant he sometimes took marriage and Linda for granted”. I don’t think he took his relationship with Linda for granted as much as he was unable to openly express how much it meant to him. He got inundated by “those moments” of love and appreciation, but then kind of used the hustle and bustle of everyday life as an excuse not to dwell on the discomfort of having to confess them.

I think it’s perhaps more accurate to say that the matter of “expressing emotions and feelings”, particularly actually saying “I love you”, is something that Paul has struggled with all his life and pervaded most of his relationships.

He even goes on to give the example of his parents, and how he wished he’d tell them, “God, just what you meant to me.” Which is a similar phrasing to the one he uses in “Scared”, more than two decades later:

I’m scared to say I love you / Afraid to let you know / That the simplest of words won’t come out of my mouth / Though I’m dying to let them go / Trying to let you know […]I’m still too scared to tell you / Afraid to let you see / That the simplest of words won’t come out of my mouth / Though I’m dying to set them free / Trying to let you see, how much it means to me / How much you mean to me / How much you mean to me now

But the relationship in which this theme of not expressing emotions and feelings seems most stark, at least as Paul expressed it publicly and in his music, is in his relationship with John.

He puts it quite plainly in another quote about “Scared”:

Paul: You can actually say, “I love you,” to someone, but it’s quite hard. And so that’s why it’s usually easier when you’re a bit drunk. It’s like ‘Here Today’ [on 1982’s Tug of War], which was for John, and there is the line, (sings) “Du du du du du du du, I love you,” and it is a bit of a moment in the song. It would be a bit like Keith Richards saying to Mick, “I love you.” I mean he does, but I’m not sure he’s going to say it. I’m sure the Gallaghers love each other on some level, probably quite deeply, but that certainly isn’t going to get said soon. I think it’s quite an interesting subject and I felt it most recently with [wife] Nancy, I knew I loved her but to actually say, “I love you,” you know, it’s just not that easy.

— Paul McCartney,  interview with Pat Gilbert for MOJO (November 2013).

Note that even here, in a quote about a song he wrote for Nancy, he harkens back to his experiences with having difficulty saying “I love you” to John. 

Paul even mentions that it’s easier to do it “when you’re a bit drunk” — I want to tell her that I love her a lot / But I gotta get a bellyful of wine — which seems to be a reference to “the night we cried”. That night in Key West in 1964 was an “important emotional landmark”, not only because they exposed themselves emotionally by crying, but they also may have actually said the big ‘I Love You’.

One night, we got pretty drunk and argued and laughed, and it ended up us both crying, because it was, you know at the height of your drunkenness, when you’re all, “Hey man, I love you, man. No, I love you, man.” That was probably the only time we just got that kind of intimate with each other. It’s a male machismo embarrassment thing. I mean, you might say to a girl, “I love you”, but in my case, within the group, The Beatles, it would have been difficult, even though we all did love each other. You just all had to be guys to the full. We were all rough, tough cream puffs.

— Paul McCartney, interview with the Daily Mail (4 June 2016).

He attributes his difficulty to a “male machismo embarrassment thing”, and that he could say “I love you” to a girl but not to his mates. But in his 2013 interview for The Guardian, he also points to the fact that he is a guy to explain his difficulties verbally expressing his love Nancy. 

But adding to the “stiff upper lip” imposed on northern lads, Paul himself is especially guarded about his feelings:

It’s funny because just in real life, I find that a challenge. I like to sort of, not give too much away. Like you said, I’m quite private. Why should people, know my innermost thoughts? That’s for me, they’re innermost. But in a song, that’s where you can do it. That’s the place to put them. You can start to reveal truths and feelings. You know, like in ‘Here Today’ where I’m saying to John “I love you”. I couldn’t have said that, really, to him. But you find, I think, that you can put these emotions and these deeper truths – and sometimes awkward truths; I was scared to say “I love you”. So that’s one of the things that I like about songs.

— Paul McCartney, on the challenge of giving too much of himself away when writing meaningful and truthful songs. Asked by Simon Pegg and interviewed by John Wilson for BBC 4’s Mastertapes (24 May 2016).

More than the pleasure associated with creating something out of nothing — “songwriting is like sex” — music also offers the utter relief of unburdening Paul of his feelings, which he finds great difficulty in exorcising in a more direct way:

Songwriting is like psychiatry; you sit down and dredge up something that’s inside, bring it out front. And I just had to be real and say, John, I love you. I think being able to say things like that in songs can keep you sane.

— Paul McCartney, interview with Robert Palmer for the New York Times (25 April 1982).

There was an inescapable need to come out, be real, and say to John, “I love you”; even if he has to “write it to the great record player in the sky”. 

Because more than speaking of a fear of expressing emotions and feelings in Paul’s day to day life — like in “Scared” — “This One” is clearly about the regret of doing it too late:

[L]ife’s like that. And there’s never kind of enough time to— […] You always think, “Well, I’m saving it up. I’ll tell ‘em one day.” And what happens with a lot of people is— Something like John, for instance, getting back to that subject. He died. […] And I’m sure, in the feeling of this song, that George was always planning to tell John he loved him. But time ran out. And that’s what the song is about. There never could be a better moment than this one, you know, now. Take this moment to say, [hesitates] “I love you.” [Laughs] It’s not quite the same. 

Even with his usual emotional distancing by projecting onto George and using “we” instead of “I”, Paul plainly explains the song is about cautioning people to take this moment to say “I love you”, at the risk of having time ran out on them as it happened with him and John.

And one can see how determined Paul is to get this message spread, as he often reiterates it when introducing “Here Today” in concerts — a song written in part out of his need to clearly say “I love you” to John — a frequent presence in his live performances for the last 20 year.

Paul McCartney’s One on One World Tour in Detroit, Michigan, at Little Caesars Arena on October 2, 2017.

Paul: One of the other things I say on our shows is that sometimes you want to say something really nice to someone, or pay them a compliment, or you feel a bit shy and a bit embarrassed, so you think, “Ah, I’ll say it tomorrow.” You put it off to another day. You know, you can put it off. And sometimes that’s too late; you’re too late. I wrote this next song after my dear friend John who passed away. Let’s hear it for John! And you know, when you’re kids, particularly — I mean, when we first started the Beatles we were in our early twenties, kind of thing — and you’re a bunch of guys, up in Liverpool at that time… There’s no way you’re gonna say to each other, “Hey, I love you, man.” It just didn’t happen, you know. You just didn’t say things. But you know, when [unintelligeable] we didn’t say it, so when John died, you know, I wanted to kind of say it somehow. So this next song is in the form of a conversation we didn’t get to have.

The fact that Paul has often connected the theme of not verbally expressing his feelings, and in particular of being too late to do it, to his relationship with John, is what led me use “This One”, in that post and in others, as an expression of that dynamic between them. 

In the post you quoted me on in specific, I say that perhaps the part that they “never did” was outright “tell” each other “that I do [love you]”, given that they have embraced — “take you in my arms” — and made intense eye contact — “look you in the eye.”

The song is basically a love song – did I ever say I love you? And if I didn’t it’s because I was waiting for a better moment… ‘There could never be a better moment than this one…

— Paul McCartney, in “Club Sandwich 52, Summer 1989″.

Paul goes on to repeat this sentiment of emotional frankness in the rest of the verse: “Did I ever open up my heart / Let you look inside?” A phrase that, in my opinion, so aptly encapsulates the issues Paul brought to the relationship, that I use it as a title for Paul-centered posts in the Don’t Let Me Down | Trust Issues series.

But to be honest, the thing that really convinced me that song was about him and John, was a moment in this session:

After singing the lines “Did I ever touch you on the cheek / Say that you were mine, thank you for the smile”, Paul mimics one of John’s characteristic smiles, as the wonderful @vairemelde illustrated in this post.

With all that said, it appears that all there is to do is to appreciate this wonderful piece of music.

Did I ever take you in my arms, / Look you in the eye, tell you that I do, / Did I ever open up my heart / Let you look inside?

If I never did it, I was only waiting / For a better moment that didn’t come. / There never could be a better moment / Than this one, this one.

The swan is gliding above the ocean, / A god is riding upon his back, / How calm the water and bright the rainbow / Fade this one to black.

Did I ever touch you on the cheek / Say that you were mine, thank you for the smile, / Did I ever knock upon your door / And try to get inside?

If I never did it, I was only waiting / For a better moment that didn’t come. / There never could be a better moment / Than this one, this one.

The swan is gliding above the ocean, / A god is riding upon his back, / How calm the water and bright the rainbow / Fade this one to black.

What opportunities did we allow to flow by / Feeling like the time it wasn’t quite right? / What kind of magic might have worked if we had stayed calm, / Couldn’t I have given you a better life?

Did you ever take me in your arms / Look me in the eye tell me that you do? / Did I ever open up my heart, / Let you look inside?

If I never did it, I was only waiting / For a better moment that didn’t come. / There never could be a better moment / Than this one, this one.

The swan is gliding above the ocean, / A god is riding upon his back, / How calm the water and bright the rainbow / Fade this one to black.

-

Tangents

I’m Scared To Say I Love You

What About The Night We Cried

Did I Ever Take You In My Arms 

The Surrealist

[goodnight-socialiite]

What a Shark Puppy Concert is like (+ setlist of covers)

I have a FUCKTON of headcanons of what a Shark Puppy concert would be like, and i must eject them into the void before i go crazy. I sure hope everyone is still thinking about the clown movie and their shark band. I always imagine them doing something like Ninja Sex Party’s ��Under the Covers” albums.

Here’s my playlist of Songs that Shark Puppy totally covered

First and foremost:

Mike: plays the primarily drums and the trumpet (when songs call for it)

Beverly: plays primarily bass, but also lead guitar, rhythm guitar, acoustic guitar, and keyboard, when the other boys sing

Stan: plays primarily keyboard, but also rhythm guitar

Bill: plays primarily lead guitar, bass when Beverly sings.

Eddie: plays keyboard, rhythm guitar, bass, and lead guitar interchangeably, when one band member wants to sing without instruments (a real jack of spades). 

Richie: plays primarily rhythm guitar, but also drums.

Ben: I read a fic where he was their manager, and now i can’t see him as anything else, but he plays the acoustic guitar. 

These kids? multi-faceted. I like to think that they went to a music school, where they learn multiple instruments.. I also think them learning multiple parts for songs would help if one member is sick, or needs a break during the concert.

Since people are trading between instruments, there’s a lot of chatter and crowd interactions, it’s super lit. 

Set List and breakdown under the cut:

1. Killing Me Softly- Roberta Flack 

The concert opens with the boys all standing in a line, like an acapella group, with microphones on stands. Beverly is standing either by the side, or in the middle, with an electric guitar. They sing this beautiful cover of the song, with Beverly accompanying on the guitar; which seems like it wouldn’t work, since the song is so gentle, but it does. the fellas are singing their hearts out about a their man who’s killing them softly, while Beverly is shredding, and the crowd is losing their minds. The boys are doing this crazy five part harmony, and they can barely hear themselves over the fans.

2. No Scrubs - but the Wheezer cover

From “Killing Me Softly”, they immediately transition to No Scrubs. Everyone fucking books it to their instruments, while Richie and Bev go into the first verse. Mike on the drums, Stan on the keyboard, Bill on lead, Bev gets back to the bass, and Eddie on rhythm guitar. Richie really knows how to get the crowd riled up. He jumps around and has so much attitude, and the fans eat it up. Everyone is seriously eating up the gender bending of the songs.

3. Istanbul - They Might Be Giants

Possibly the most chaotic song they perform, Eddie takes over keyboard while Richie picks up rhythm, and Bill’s on lead. they belt out the lyrics, and dance across the stage. Stand and Richie do the answer and call for “Why’d they change it I can’t say,” “PEOPLE JUST LIKE IT BETTER THAT WAY!” it’s just... the drama, and the chaos, ugh, it’s a spiritual experience to see them perform it live. Stan and Richie get each other really hyped, and Stan is stand in between Bill and Richie while they play.

4. I Like (The Idea of) You - Tessa Violet

Beverly takes on the lead vocals, while all the boys do backup. She loves the bass part tho, and demands that she play it while singing. Stan takes back the keyboard, so during the song, Eddie doesn’t have an instrument, so he plays the tambourine, and dances like a 60′s backup singer (something like the Supremes) and it becomes a meme. like people captioning 240p pictures with “When the group leader doesn’t assign you any work” but they love it. the song itself is so fun, the band really plays with it.

5. Pieces of Us - Mark Ronson feat King Princess

Eddie takes center stage, and just fucking destroys this song. He has the range, he has the moves. The fans love it, because they didn’t start #moreeddieplease for nothing. and Eddie definitely doesn’t make the most intense eye contact with Richie through the whole song. When they perform this song more, Reddie likes to rile up everyone, and get particularly... creative. Especially at the line “the way you turn me on,” because Eddie can dance, he can move his hips, and he loves it when Richie’s jaw drops and he forgets to play. The crowd loses their minds.

Intermission: I Love You - Bill Wurtz

While the band takes a short break between songs (water, towels, and the fastest bathroom breaks), it’s just Stan, fucking shit up on the keyboard and singing, while wearing sunglasses. Before he even begins, he dedicates the sog to Patty, and the crowd goes fucking mental. it’s odd, but he makes it work, and the fans go fucking buck wild. It’s the wild card for sure, but the vibes are... off the charts. Stan would survive the vibe check. 

6. Baby I’m Yours - the Arctic Monkey’s cover

Everyone jumps back in, with Richie hangs back and plays the drums while Bill and Mike do this gushy duet with each other. Everyone pretends not to enjoy it, gagging and playing begrudgingly, but the crowd is swaying to the tune, and making heart eyes. Someone took a candid photo of Mike with his arms around Bill’s waist while Bill plays the guitar. Stan gets his designated break during this song, (No keyboard needed) and he is just watching the cheesy, romantic shit happen in the wings with Ben, while sipping a cup of water.

7. Everybody Wants to Rule the World - but the Ninja Sex Party cover

This is the song where they each sing different verses, and the way they sing lines extra loud, oof, it really resonates with the crowd. Sometimes its more screaming than singing, but they need that.

8. The Only Exception - Paramore

Ben joins the band for this song, because he and Beverly sit on chairs at the center of stage, and he plays acoustic while she sings, then the whole band joins in. This kind of display of love gets people a little teary-eyed, waving their phones an lighters in the air.

9. Starry Starry Night - Don McLean 

Sometimes they play one or the other. Bill always introduces the song, and dedicates it to Georgie. Georgie always encouraged Bill to keep drawing and creating art. They had gone to an art gallery together, and seen a print of Van Gogh’s Starry Starry Night. It means so much to Bill. If people weren’t crying during the display of Benverly, they were in fucking tears. The first time Bill performs Starry Starry Night, it’s just him and his acoustic guitar, and later, twitter is filled with support and messages of love. Every time he plays it, number one trending on twitter is #starrystarrynight. The occasional #fuckimcrying was thrown in.

10. Say my Name - but the Hozier cover, and a bit more metal.

Eddie nails this song, and he gets real playful whenever they perform it. He likes to antagonize Richie, always singing the verses to him, as though he were the man in question. Rich plays along, bless his heart, and they get the who crowd to sing along. 

11. Eddie my Love - The Teen Queens

This is Richie’s fucking pride and joy. Whenever he sings it, he tries to sing to Eddie (who’s trying to play Richie’s part on rhythm), while Eds tries not to blush and instead look pissed. The fans are screaming at this. One time, they had tricked Eddie into thinking “Eddie my Love” was removed from the set list, (he was equal parts happy and sad). When they started playing it, Richie got a chair, and sat Eddie in it, and was on his knees, singing so dramatically. Eddie covers his face, so people think he’s embarrassed, when actually, he’s so flushed with affection. The crowd is wild, and Eddie can’t help but peck Richie’s cheek as a reward. 

12. What the World Needs Now is Love - Jackie DeShannon

Mike opens on trumpet, and no one has ever seen a crowd get so hype with just a trumpet, but people begin to s c r e a m. There’s one point, where the band stops singing and playing, and the crowd is singing to them “What the world needs now, is love! Sweet love!” and it reminds them that maybe the kids are alright.

[selfcallednowhere]

March 8, 2018, Portland, OR

They opened with "Ana Ng," followed by "Damn Good Times." During the intro of the latter, when the band was already playing but Flans was talking before the vocal kicked in (which he is quite fond of doing, particularly when the song is one of the first few of the night), he said Portland is "the only town that counts." (I knew he was joking but I was still mildly bothered by this as a Seattleite dealing with the Seattle vs. Portland rivalry).

Afterwards, Flans was referring to the people who were around the edge of the room, which was blocked off by a barrier--he said they were in East Berlin. John: "We hope you'll think about what you did." Then he said that Flans hadn't said the thing about this being "the only town that matters" at any of the other shows they've done on this tour, and Flans said it's because a big percentage of the population of Portland is rock critics. Then he said that thing that keeps making me so sad, about how they have a new album and when they say they're going to play a song from it we should pretend to be enthusiastic about it.

After "I Left My Body" (great as always), "Your Racist Friend" (still meh on this song but I do love the trumpet-party-break section with Curt), and "Hey, Mr. DJ, I Thought You Said We Had a Deal" (causing me to rock way out), John got out his contra-alto clarinet. He said it's "lower than the bass clarinet and at war with the alto clarinet."

They played "All Time What," then Flans asked John what he'd done all day. He said he'd "wandered around and dodged the raindrops--apparently it rains in this town." Flans said he did not go to the record store (there's an Everyday Music very close to the venue that he's been known to frequent when they're in town), which meant he had more money than he otherwise would've.

There was some funny banter after that. Flans said they'd gotten to stay at an actual nice hotel the night before, which was unusual for them. Then John said they were wearing crooked top hats and saying "We're gonna make it some day!" Flans said the hotel looked like "a movie set from the '30s," and they took something off a tray of food that probably cost $40. John said they were going to escape on a luggage cart disguised as luggage, and Flans compared them to Harpo Marx. Then John said that next they'd be running and their feet would make bongo sounds. So silly!

They played "Turn Around," which was SO GOOD, much better than the night before when John hadn't used his accordion due to technical difficulties.

After "Spy" and "The Mesopotamians," Flans explained that they're playing two sets, and the second set was "all hits," but they were hits by other bands. John said they're not even good bands, and Flans said they're "under the thumbs of our management," who are really mean to them.

They played "This Microphone," and then Flans said it's on their new album. He said it just came out on vinyl, and that it's a gatefold sleeve, which you can "clean your Oregon pot on."

Flans introduced "Bills, Bills, Bills" by again explaining how they'd been to the AV Club to cover a song for them. He said they first did "Tubthumping," but they weren't going to be playing that tonight because "if you sing it once you'll be singing it all week." He said he was going to be Kelly, John was going to be Beyonce ("a role he originated on Broadway"), and "the members of the band not with us will be playing the part of Michelle." So then they played it, and as always I was completely enraptured by Flans's full-on diva-ness.

They closed out the first set with "Birdhouse in Your Soul," which is a perfect set closer cos there's so much energy in the room when they play it.

Second set started the usual way, with the "Last Wave" video (which I was really tired of at this point, I never really liked it much in the first place and this was like the millionth time I'd seen it) and then "Older" to kick off Quiet Storm. I've been enjoying it on the contra-alto clarinet so much that it'll be a bit sad to (presumably) go back to it on keyboard when all this is over.

Flans pointed out the balcony was really far back and said it was "a mistake." John said it was the section for nursing mothers, and Flans said they'd combined that with the section for cigar smokers.

Flans introduced "Tippecanoe and Tyler Too" by saying it was "one of the first songs we wrote," and then confessed that they're actually vampires (explains a lot!). John said not to post that on social media, but then said that it actually wouldn't matter because they wouldn't show up.

After they played it, Flans said not enough people were taking pictures with their phones, and he was "distracted by not being distracted."

Next was MY THEME SONG, still intense and special and emotional and wonderful every single time. It makes me sad to realize that this tour may be the only time I'll get to see it, but I'm just grateful to have been able to as many times as I have.

Flans said that the electronic drums have "all the power of EDM and all the musicality of not-EDM." Then he said the last song was from John Henry, and why don't they play more songs from that album? "Because it's not very good." (As someone for whom John Henry holds the elevated status of not only the album containing my all-time favorite song but also is tied for my #1 album overall, you can imagine what my reaction to this comment was.)

They played "How Can I Sing Like a Girl?," and then the rest of the band came back on stage for "Istanbul," including the crazy jam session at the end. Afterwards, John said he needed to catch his breath and he wanted them to talk for a minute before they played the next song, which made him sound like such an old man. Flans asked us how we were enjoying the sprung dance floor, then said maybe they should talk about some prostitution scandal (I'm not sure what he was referring to) or the "useless" tariffs Trump is proposing. John said he's divesting his money from steel and investing it in "Waynecoin. It's a psychedelic cryptocurrency. You feel like you're tripping, and then all your money is gone."

Then they played "Mrs. Bluebeard." At this point I took it as a foregone conclusion that John would screw up the lyrics since he had every other time I'd seen it, and sure enough he did. For the second time at the shows I've been to, he actually acknowledged the fact that he did afterwards. His excuse was that he'd been distracted cos he'd been trying to move the microphone with his lips so he could reach the higher part of his keyboard, but the crew had tightened it too much and it hadn't moved. Flans said that what he likes is when the crew sets up his mic stand so it's too tall for him, cos he's flattered that they think he's "of higher stature" than he really is.

Next came "Particle Man," "Wicked Little Critta," and "New York City." Then Flans said the next song features Dan on acoustic guitar. Dan played a little something, and Flans said it was from Dan's collection of "unreleased b-sides" and was entitled "Ah Fuck It." John said something about it reminding him of the Motel 6 commercials, and Flans went off on a classic hilarious Flans thing with him pretending to be Tom Bodett and saying "we'll leave the bugs out for you." Then he said if you're a rock band who wants to be sued you should just say that Motel 6 has bugs.

They played "Number Three," and then Flans went back to riffing on the Motel 6 thing (in character). He said if you're coming there and you have a dog with bugs/mange you should bring them and let them pee all over the carpet.

They played "When the Lights Come On," Flans introduced the band, and then they closed out the main set with the reliably superfun "Doctor Worm."

The first encore was the same spectacular duo as almost all the other shows on this West Coast trip: "Dead" followed by "Don't Let's Start." The second encore was "Man, It's So Loud in Here" and then "Fingertips."

It was a great set and a great show! A teensy bit disappointing because the setlist was nearly exactly the same as the previous night in Seattle, and the only reason it wasn't exactly the same was that they'd removed a couple of the particularly great songs they'd played, but otherwise no complaints.

After the show, I was hanging around the stage trying to get a setlist. I didn't get one, but I did snag something else really cool: a signed drumhead from Marty! That was a first for me. I think he might've given it to me because I told him I recognized his shirt as being from Out of Print Clothing, one of my absolute favorite shops (the one with the cover of The Metamorphosis that he's been wearing a lot lately), and we chatted about that a bit. Between that and him giving me a setlist a couple of days before, I finally felt like I could accept him as a full real member of the band--I've still been thinking of him as "the new guy" all this time. I feel silly saying that as he's been in the band for going on a decade and a half now, and it has nothing whatsoever to do with Marty's skills as a drummer or kindness as a person, both of which are clearly quite high--I just don't deal with change particularly well.

JL wardrobe report: a black pullover jacket, not too exciting, except for when he pushed up the sleeves for the second half of the show (I always love seeing his arms that way, it's much more exciting than when he's just wearing a t-shirt for reasons I can't really articulate).

[volume11magazine]

Elton John: Farewell Yellow Brick Road Tour (Live Show Review)

Hanna Leary

The year was 1998 and my parents had just given me The Lion King on VHS. As soon as I heard “Can You Feel The Love Tonight?” I knew that that movie was the single greatest piece of cinema ever created. Fast forward 20 (!) years later and I finally saw the man behind the magic, Elton John, at the Scotiabank Arena.

The show began with the 71-year-old taking his natural place at the piano, in a golden glitter trimmed tailcoat emblazoned with shimmering gold letters, “EJ,” on the back. As the tour was named “Farewell Yellow Brick Road,” golden yellow seemed appropriate, and it was plentiful. Davey Johnstone’s (John’s guitarist extraordinaire) glittered electric guitar, the golden bricks that lined the stage, and finally, the burst of gold glitter that exploded onto the audience during the finale.

Music wise, the setlist was brilliant. He opened with “Bennie and the Jets,” and thus began cleverly alternating between hits and lesser-known gems for the first half. Accompanying the performance, was cinematography from renowned photographer, David LaChapelle. Adding to the showmanship of which his tours are legendary, was a moving piano platform; allowing him to cross the stage while playing “Candle In The Wind.” A flood of smoke ushered in the second half of the night, led by “Funeral For a Friend/Love Lies Bleeding.” What followed, was a string of back to back smash hits from “Daniel” to “Sad Songs (Say So Much).” But the moment I (and the rest of the arena) lost it was when he concluded “Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me,” and dove straight into a fiery rendition of “The Bitch Is Back.” From that point on, the stadium was shaking. “I’m Still Standing,” “Crocodile Rock” and “Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting” closed the second half, building audience anticipation for what was to come.

Emerging from behind the stage in a black and red jogging suit (with signature glittering initials on the back), the singer took to his instrument a final time, to perform the encore. Inviting his Canadian family (his husband, David Furnish, is from Toronto) to the front of the stage, he performed “Your Song.” He concluded the show with the tour’s namesake “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road,” performed amongst an explosion of golden glitter. What followed was a final goodbye, as the artist descended to “the yellow brick road” shown on screen via rising platform.

No Elton John tour would be complete without over-the-top stage costumes and accompanying sunglasses. The artist’s full tour wardrobe was designed by Alessandro Michele, the creative director for Gucci. The looks debuted during the September 25 show, beginning with a gold-trimmed black tailcoat with sequined florals and initials on the back, shadowed by a red rhinestone encrusted sunglasses and matching brogues. Following, was a pale pink sparkling suit and trouser combo. The set was trimmed with pearl and featured a large light blue embellishment on the back, joined by silver rhinestone encrusted sunglasses and matching brogues. The final look; an ornately decorated black robe with red lapels and an embellished cat on the back, was removed to reveal a custom black and red tracksuit. The tracksuit was an homage to the look worn on the cover of the 1973 album, Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, featured “Elton John” in silver lettering on the back, heart-shaped rhinestone encrusted sunglasses and brogues.

Elton John is a showman you need to see perform.

[dustfromthestepsbefore]

Always been a low-key Gwen & No Doubt fan b/c I'm from Anaheim and hometown pride and all. But I never really delved into their discography until recently {shefani sucked me in}, but I find myself listening only to the hits and singles. Could you please recommend me some of their more underrated songs?

Oh gosh. This will be hard for me. I tend to listen to albums more than songs. So it’s hard for me to narrow down to songs. But I will try! (And not listing singles or hits and mainly from their 4 “main” albums.)

This is going to be a long post so let me put in a break. 😅

Tragic Kingdom - Okay this is one is extra hard for me because it’s one of my top 4 favorite albums of all time. I really think you should try listening to it fully, because it is great and I could probably list every song on that album. But here are a few of my personal highlights:

Different People - You have to go with this one. It’s the first song Gwen wrote and really shows her positive outlook towards people. It really helps me understand how she truly has seen the best in some people *cough cough* Gavin *cough cough*

The Climb - I think this is Gwen’s best vocals ever.

Happy Now - I’m not sure if you consider this a single. (It was a single but didn’t really chart.) But I love how angry this song is.

World Go ‘Round - I’m putting this on here because now that she is dating Blake this song amuses me to no end. The intro sounds so country to me and then transitions into the ska/Caribbean sound No Doubt is known for. Like it’s a perfect mix of Blake and Gwen to me. 20ish years before they started dating. 😂

Return of Saturn:

Six Feet Under - For some reason, this is one of the most common No Doubt songs to randomly pop into my head. I probably randomly burst into this song about once every 2 weeks. 😂 I’m not sure what that says about my inner psyche. 🤔

Magic’s in the Makeup - You purely need to listen to this for the fact that Gwen uses this hashtag and reference very often. Also, it’s an incredible look into her insecurities. 💖

Marry Me - It breaks my heart to listen to this one. Poor bunny valued marriage so much. And trying to make the ex fit into that is just painful. Bless her honesty with us.

Suspension Without Suspense - I think this song is so beautiful. Also another sad look into her and her ex’s relationship.

Staring Problem - The main reason I’m including this one is that I’m amused to no end that Gwen likes to spell in songs. When she is probably is the worst speller. 😂 Also, I love her weird vibrato. 😍

Rock Steady:

Making Out - Such a catchy song. Just pretend it’s not about the ex. 😉

Detective - Basically this entire album is so freaking catchy. But the lyrics in this one definitely hurt. Man, her ex was douche.

In My Head - It ain’t only in your head, boo. 😖 Okay. This album is literally Gwen outlining her problems with the ex on catchy beats. Man, her ex was an asshole.

Platinum Blonde Life - MY FAVORITE FROM THE ALBUM. I can relate to this song so much. I feel like Gwen and I would be great friends because we would just take naps and pretend that nothing wrong is going on in our lives or world. 😇 (Please drink enough water though, Gwen. 💖)

Waiting Room - You just have to include the Prince song. I sing this song a lot to myself at the hospital. For obvious reasons. But on a serious note, it is a very interesting song. And I love Prince’s backing vocals.

Push and Shove:

Easy - Gwen always talks about how hard this album was to write. With the pressure of wanting to make the guys in the band happy and stuff going on in her personal life. I always feel like this song kind of sums up that feeling well.

Undercover - I like to call this Detective 2.0. 10ish years later and her ex is still up to the same crap. 

Undone - One of the most beautiful and heartbreaking songs ever. Seriously, if you want to get emo, listen to this song. Man, her ex is a dick.

Sparkle - Might be about her brother, Eric? Either way. Another super emotional song. The lyrics are intense.

Dreaming the Same Dream - This is actually one of the most interesting songs to me when it comes to Gwen’s personal life. It closes out the album. And it repeatedly asks “Who taught you how to love?” Fast forward to 2015 and we get our answer in Used to Love You. “Nobody taught you how to love.”

Honorable Mention:

Total Hate (The Beacon Street Collection) - Because I’m a Gwen/No Doubt nerd, this song is interesting to me. In 2012, Gwen said in an interview that she removed this song from the setlist because she didn’t connect with it anymore and she isn’t in that place. She often said she was worried that Just a Girl would become that way but she still feels just as connected to it now as she did back then. So I think it’s interesting to listen to a song that Gwen totally feels disconnected from now. It’s also nice to hear Bradley Nowell’s (Sublime) voice. RIP.

This was probably more than you asked for. But I couldn’t narrow it down from these. 😂 This was fun. Thanks for this ask!

[dividetourstart2finish-blog]

SHOW ONE MARCH 16TH, 2017. PALA ALPITOUR TURIN, ITALY.

Castle On The Hill Eraser The A Team Starting off the show with castle on the hill. Holy hell the screens yas yas, damn I love the screen. I really like the lights as well. I have a feeling we are gonna be seeing a lot of these hoax shirts lol. I’m not sure if the crowd sang the wrong words or if ed did lol. Either way the crowd sound amazing. The audio isn’t great, it’s kinda hard to hear ed I know but the other eraser videos were worse. I was wonder if he was gonna the album version or the extended version he did for SBTV. I have missed ed live and his backing vocals. I guess he’s just gonna play the album version. The a team gets cut off a bit at the beginning but it was the best video. The stage set up is great and and the crowd sounds amazing. Don’t/New Man Lego House I’m A Mess This don’t/new man mashup should be interesting. The middle screen is weird, it’s like it’s not working or something. Haha the loop kinda glitches for a sec or ed came in to early lol. I like how ed is coming closer to the fans, and moving around more. These two songs actually go really well together lol. I’ve always said new man kinds sounds like don’t. Omg he said fuck yes haha. I like how he is jumping between the two songs. The Lego house lyrics aren’t on the video the whole time. So far the a team and lego house are the only two songs from the plus album. Yay everyone remembered the words lol. Yay I’m a mess, it’s so weird this song not being the show opener lol. His voice sounds even more amazing now on this song. I’ve missed seeing him perform this song as well. Damn, the screen are awesome here too. Happier Galway Girl How Would You Feel Like I said before happier is probably my favorite song on divide. It’s just so well put together and beautiful. It’s been more beautiful live. Dang there is a lot of looping action on this song. Ed’s getting that foot doing lol. He’s definitely practiced this galway girl guitar part since the album party lol. I absolutely love this song, thank you ed for fighting for galway girl. I wonder over the course of this tour how many times ed is gonna say using the beat for her feet lol. I love how happy he is to have people singing it back to him. There was a closer video for how would you feel but is wasn’t even close to the whole song. The guy playing the keyboard is Ashton Miranda. He is the keyboard player for Anne Marie. I’m not a fan of the album and live versions are beautiful. Human/I See Fire Photograph Perfect I’m kinda sad that he’s not mashing I see fire with feeling good. I like the song human by rag'n'bone man but it just doesn’t go with I see fire. Ed does sound so sexy singing human though. I really want him to sing a full version. The old video for I see fire would have been awesome on these new screens. However this video is really really nice lol. Ahh photograph. This crowd is seriously giving me chills. I like that he still singing that way he started singing it at the end of the multiply tour. Him singing photograph sounds as beautiful as ever. Aww he got a little bit emotional there at the end. Perfect is a perfect song but not quite as perfect as thinking out loud lol. I like the rose pedals on the screens, so beautiful. Bloodstream Thinking Out Loud Sing Yay bloodstream. The audio isn’t great but it was the best video. He’s killing me with these visuals. I love the storm brewing gah. Bloodstream just became even more my favorite to watch him perform live. Still playing thinking out loud on an electric guitar. Awww I wanted the thinking out loud video on the screens. Well see how long he continues to sing the right words hehe. So weird song not being the closing song. It’s now the the last song before the encore. Fuck these visuals on the screens. I don’t think this crowd can get much louder ed lol. They are actually jumping which is awesome. Encore Shape Of You You Need Me I Don’t Need You What Do I Know Oh what a surprise ed’s back lol. Ed playing the keyboard lol. I guess ed loves the shape of trees haha. I definitely like shape of you better live. So glad he’s still doing you need me. One show in and he’s already broken a string lol. I guess we really shouldn’t expect less. Not mashing you need me with anything hmm. I really like how much he’s able to love around. Well he forgot to take the picture haha. I’m really not a fan of what do I know, it’s better live but is not my favorite. I also don’t really like it for the closing song. Some didn’t walk off the stage, he stayed until the end another hmmm lol. Divide tour show one is in the books. I can’t imagine the emotions going through him. He’s been gone for a year and to see all these people there to see him much have been overwhelming. What a way to start the tour. I’m so in love with the new screens and stage setup. I love that he’s able to love around and get closer to the crowd. I’m completely blown away but how much his voice had changed and grown since the end of the multiply tour. Hearing him sing song from the multiply and plus album is awesome. I really like the balance of songs from all three albums. The crowd seemed to as well. They were on fire and on point lol. What a great crowd to kick off the tour with. I can’t wait to see where ed takes the divide tour. It’s gonna get even better and I can’t wait. There were several changes, one being him not walking off the stage while the crowd keeps singing. I liked it, not sure if it will continue but it was cool. There’s a bunch of questions about what will continue and what won’t. How many times he’s gonna remove and add songs to the setlist and how many times he’ll change the order of those songs. I can tell you one thing, I’m excited to find out and I hope you are as well. Ed had another night in turin, which I will post next week. I will hopefully meet you back here then. Have a fabulous day sheerios 💙💙💙.

[parkjiminsdeliciousbooty]

Exo’rdium in Newark!

Yesterday I went to Exo’rdium! It was super awesome!! My thoughts below the cut!

My friend and I arrived at the (now very familiar due to many kpop concerts, including Exo’luxion) Prudential Center around 6PM. And the weather was BAD. Rainy and windy. Of course the one day. Plus the concert was supposed to start at 7:30, but they had us waiting outside until about 7:15 in the pouring rain. Our clothes were soaked, but we made friends in line so it was still fun lol. 

The seats we ended up getting were great! Usually at the prucenter for concerts the seating is like a U-shape, and if you’re facing the stage, we were in the leftmost section. So even though we were about halfway up the lower seating section, we were still close to the stage because we were like facing the stage towards the side...does that make sense...lol...the Exo lightstick ocean was pretty impressive considering we’re not in Korea (I didn’t have one though...too expensive)

BUT anyway, let me talk about the actual concert. Because holy crap, Exo are such polished performers. They’re all super comfortable on stage. EVERY member is full of charisma and stage presence. And whoever creates their setlists, I don’t know if Exo themselves are involved or if it’s just management/producers, but they know how to create an entertaining show. My thing with concerts is, I want to feel like I’m getting a unique experience that I couldn’t have just gotten watching the group’s stages on music shows on a computer screen, and Exo totally delivered. SO much fan interaction and audience participation!

Now onto the members! Sadly, Yixing wasn’t able to come, which I was pretty disappointed by, since he couldn’t make it to Exo’luxion either. But the audience definitely screamed the loudest when he appeared on VCRs lol. So again, EVERY member has lots of stage presence, but the members that especially stood out to me were Kyungsoo, Baekhyun, and Sehun. 

Kyungsoo is my bias, but I was still surprised at how energetic and eyecatching he was during the concert! He was so smiley and jumped around and waved to fans a lot. He even waved in our direction, towards way up into the seats! With his beautiful heart smile of course :’) Kyungsoo is even squishier in person lol. All the Exo members are generally very thin and slender, but Kyungsoo is a little stockier. He’s absolutely adorable and super fun to watch. And his hair is growing out!!!

And Baekhyun, don’t even get me started on him, he’s pretty much my bias wrecker at this point. He’s also incredible to watch, this boy is always grooving to the music or playing around during parts where there isn’t strict choreo. And he was very cute and smiley as well! Though at one point, during Transformer, he was sort of bending over...we were thinking there was something wrong with his earpiece? Or maybe (I really hope not) he wasn’t feeling well? But then he jumped RIGHT back into dancing and singing. Baekhyun can really persevere. But of course I probably don’t need to explain how good of a performer he is, it’s pretty self explanatory lol. He’s become such a star over the years :) Not to mention he must eat CDs for every meal because he nailed every note. All of Exo’s voices sounded very nice and clear. 

But Sehun really surprised me! Like alright, I’ll admit...I’m sorry...don’t murder me but...I mean we’ve all seen that mr removed of shawty imma party till the sundown...I never really saw the huge appeal of Sehun in terms of artistic talent, but his dancing is genuinely really nice to watch live. It helps that he has amazing proportions which makes him stand out and draws your eye to him. But he’s really got a baby face on that tall body lol. Plus he sounded great while rapping! Especially during Do It Together!! I was pretty impressed. I’m sorry I doubted you Oh Sehun. Your talents have really grown. At the end when people were throwing plushies and stuff on stage, he collected two Vivi plushies lol it was cute.

Kai also really stood out to me! Because 1) His dancing is REALLY distinct, his moves are very dramatic and snappy. You could be watching one member dance, but out of the corner of your eye Kai will draw you in from his...over-ness lol I love it. And 2) He interacted with the audience so much! He was constantly pointing and waving at people and smiling, it was very sweet. Also he has very broad shoulders, but you probably know that already ;) lol

Chen was really interactive with the audience as well! Always hyping everyone up. And he especially sounds like his diet is exclusively CDs, because god damn does he have a set of pipes. Xiumin too was very lively with hyping up the crowd. And he’s great during Artificial Love haha...And Chanyeol is...well, Chanyeol lmao. Tall as hell so you notice him easily, FULL of energy, dancing a little cumbersome but makes up for it in his guitar playing skills and DJing. He didn’t really look up at our section though, I was sad lol. And last but not least leader Suho! Suho is adorable! He leads the ments, and spoke mostly English, and was really fun to listen to. He accidentally said Exo’luxion instead of Exo’rdium at one point lol.

In terms of moments I enjoyed during the concert...I really liked overall how the concert flowed. It transitioned very well from segment to segment, from the acoustic jam part to the LIT AS FUCK edm club part and everything else in between. I loved how they incorporated their older songs in the setlist and remixed them. I also really genuinely enjoyed the ments. I like that they had a translator so every member got to clearly convey their thoughts despite the language barrier. They even talked about what they did in New York the day before, from eating pizza to seeing plays to...going to the convenience store? Yeah, Kai said he went to CVS and was in awe at how huge pills are in America lmao. See I love stuff like that, when the artist takes a break from the music and just talks for a bit, even if it’s about trivial stuff like that. Exo seemed so comfortable and natural with that sort of thing, and it makes the concert feel that much more personal and intimate. The large amount of audience participation added to that too, like when they’re all “put your hands up!” or “sing along to this part!” Those are definitely among the most fun moments. 

I left the concert with a nice collection of goodies!

Thanks to 38___sr for the fanarts and reginaeve for the Baekhyun photocards and keyring! 

So yeah, that was pretty much my ~Exo’rdium experience~. If you’re a fan of Exo and have the chance to see them live, I highly recommend you do, you will definitely not be disappointed! 

[kareeraree-blog]

Rambol rambols

2017 was the year I planned to save money more seriously by primarily stopping vacationing in the usual places especially S.Korea. 2016 supposed to be that so called last hurrah - January Busan and southern areas, a solo Busan trip in April and the supposed to be last one trip in November in Seoul and the really last Taipei in December. Then Shinhwa came along. THEY deliberately wrecked my plan. Those wicked men. They knew exactly what they were doing. Tsk! November I had an inking how much “damage” they would cause but I so underestimated that damage. The rest is still ongoing history. Would have been less encouraged if their embassy was not too generous with their visa issuance. Now, if it is a yes and go I want the Tmoney package WE dvd Maybe a couple of Touch cds to give as presents to non-kpop listener hahaha!! A bag strap if different from Unchanging A Dongwan album, or Dongwan something from c-ent or liveworks(?) if I get to understand the procedure. Or remove the t-money package and just go for the hoodie. Yeh, something’s got to give. I also want The Return album but more reasonable to concentrate on the newer ones unless it is that famous nooood photobook 😁😁 The other Why’s? It is to be Finale of 2017 concerts (?) To be held outdoors? In a location I’m still not sure exactly To see Dongwan dance. With the others. As warm up to the 20th. Sad reality but if for whatever reason I can’t go 20th at least I got to go for the 19th. To try a solo Seoul trip Challenge notorious Incheon monstrosity airport. I don’t care if you’re #1 in the world! Try staying in Gangnam vicinity instead of forever in Dongdaemun/Myeongdong A teeny tiny part of moi curious to do a no layers trip. They just HAVE to perform TOUCH songs other than Heaven and Touch. Please? Surprise setlist different from Unchanging. Please? Then absolutely no more trips this year. I’ll just depend on the freezer to cool off. If they suddenly decide to go another nationwide tour later this year I’ll just have to be there with them in spirit. [Unless I win in a lottery or something 🐾] Truth. They need it. Promote and gain more attention and support. That’s it. In the meantime waiting for April 3 shipping and Episode 3 of V-live+. 4/1/2017

[minblush]

Can't read the korean words, what did Jimin say right before he logged off vchat? and omg, I feel really sad about the whole touring in Japan thing after reading your stuff. In a way, I sort of understand what they're doing so many tours in Japan, and all in 1 month too because they practically rehearse a new setlist (many songs in Japanese + choreo) so makes sense to earn more from all those hours rehearsing but still no excuses at how they're ignoring europe & other places!

ah it said what i translated -lots of talk about the tour-, i put in the screenshot cause i wanted to show how plainly he said it before leaving without saying goodbye ;; and yeah that tbh is the least important factor, they don’t really have many new japanese songs from when they did epilogue, ofc that is still hard, but it’s mostly the other things i talked about, the thing is i really understand why they are doing this, but i dislike it anyway… they are doing the usual thing for a k-pop group (trying to get a solid position in japan for the future, which is all the more important now that china is restricting korean activities), but i feel like bangtan are really unique with their popularity in the west and they could really change the status quo and set new grounds for k-pop, but instead they’re just doing the same thing and chasing japanese money instead of trying to get THAT and other places as well :x ah well

 I’m curious, what change in management? (regarding your tags to that ask about it basically being an Asia Tour)

they’re not under pony canyon anymore (now the last best of release they did in japan makes sense, companies usually do that as a last chance to make money off someone who is about to leave), they’re under ‘digital adventure’ now (which is under ‘key east’), it also explains why bae yongjoon attended their concerts in japan last time, they must have been negotiating by then already, they’re aiming for bangtan to promote in japan ‘more actively’ (as if it’s already not excessive enough, but anyway)

the more I think about it I realize you’re right and I’m just gonna prepare myself now lol. and I agree about the music. it’s not my style so I’m very :/ when groups release japanese songs (snsd has some pretty good ones tho). the idol culture worries me sometimes too because they seem much more strict from some incidents I’ve read ;; but they’re definitely getting money so good for them I just hope their health will be okay will all of those concerts..

i like some snsd’s too! but i’m worried because i used to be a shinee stan and them being shipped off to japan and releasing bad music there is what made me drift apart from them, and bangtan really try to cater to japanese taste with all their original japanese songs, and even though a lot of them grew on me over time most of them are still :x not to mention the fact that the lyrics aren’t really theirs either, so it’s just another thing removed from what i like about them as a group… and yeah i don’t like the idol or fandom culture in japan overall either, if you think it’s not ideal in korea.. yeah… japan… dear lord… idk about their health… 5 shows in 6 days at some point… i hope the money will be worth it -_-