#I’m still not over how he’s sooooo involved in every aspect of it now

[rickybaby]

another angle of blake and daniel. 😅

https://twitter.com/TimKraaij/status/1761053475419390447?t=7GBOMqzYL2Nc-qS7HF2Z9Q&s=19

Look who’s here at Turn 8 👀

[arabian-bloodstream]

Why in Angela Kang I Trust

Maybe because I've been bruised and battered by showrunners and exec producers when it comes to couples and have also been rewarded (very, very, VERY rarely -- OK, like once), that is why I'm feeling positive about Caryl with regards to the spoilers.

Lemme give a bit of my history.  I've had sooooo many couples, it's not even funny. I'm beyond a couple-girl.  I've been involved in Harry Potter, Game of Thrones, The Vampire Diaries, Veronica Mars, The 100, Star Wars, Buffy the Vampire Slayer fandoms (and many more). Yeah, so I've been through some ups and downs in the fandoms themselves and with the end result of the product/my couple preference.

Two of the things that these fandoms taught me were (a) critical analysis of the product taking *everything* into account and not just my couple, and (b) how to deal with spoilers to keep myself sane.

NOTE: This is how I deal. I'm not telling anyone else how to feel or deal. This is my bag and what works for me and why I'm personally totally, 100% positive about Caryl despite the recent spoilers.

In one of my fandoms, I was heartbroken by how an episode played out. It made no sense to me. I had analyzed everything, paid attention to all the road signs... how could I have been so wrong? How could she choose the other guy??! It took a few weeks, but I re-thought everything and realized that I had been so focused on analyzing MY couple that I had ignored the OTHER couple. I had ignored the other aspects of the show and that other aspect mattered. It was like a bomb went off in my head. Suddenly something so obvious was now so clear to me.  

From that moment on when I analyzed the show, I analyzed every character, every aspect of it and I gotta tell you all I just about nailed every character plot point. Not the twists/turns, but the emotional, character beats? I was right as rain on those. Because here's the obvious thing, no showrunner/headwriter is ever going to write for ONE character, ONE couple. They are going to write for every single character, every single couple.  And if they are good writers they aren't going to take fanfic-like shortcuts to get them where we would like them to be, they are going to dig deep and explore who they are as characters to bring them organically to where they belong.

So... The Walking Dead. Angela Kang. Daryl Dixon. Carol Peletier. Caryl. (FINALLY! Ya'll say.) Angela Kang is a GOOD showrunner/headwriter. She brought TWD back from the disaster that Scott Gimple had made of the show. Seriously, I think 3-4 seasons went by and only 2 months had passed in that time. It was mostly a slow-moving morass of nothing happening with most characters doing nothing, barely connecting. Blech! It was mostly just not good. She whipped this show into shape.

Kang also took a long look at Carol, Daryl and Caryl and realized that in order to get them where they needed to be... which was TOGETHER ROMANTICALLY, they needed a helluva lot of work because Gimple had done ABSOLUTE SHIT with them for about 4 years. They had barely a handful of scenes over that time period, had been mostly separated and both characters had been decimated in completely different ways.

Carol's grief, guilt and horrendous actions had been completely and utterly sublimated. She told no one (including Daryl) about what happened with all of the children she had lost by her hand or through she felt because of her.  So what did Kang do? She used the relationship that Gimple had begun with Ezekiel to create this fairytale fantasy that Carol could escape to since she couldn't be with her Alexandria family anymore because of that grief and guilt. She gave her that respite and escape until she was ready to live with the reality of all she'd done.

And then she opened the door to that grief and guilt with Henry's death, destroying that fairytale/fantasy so that she could finally begin to heal. And that is what we are finally getting now, a healing Carol. She's not whole yet, but she's stronger and she is healing. She's no longer hiding in some fantasy, she's no longer drowning in grief. And she's with her family again. She's come home.

I'm sure just as Kang looked at Carol, she also looked at Daryl and saw how Gimple had turned him into a monosyllablic follower. So, through the last two seasons, she's been building him up as the leader who's stepping up and also... HE SPEAKS! That's really the big thing, but it's such, such a big thing.

Finally, Caryl. To begin with, Kang's first episode made it perfectly obvious that it was a Zeke/Carol/Daryl triangle. However, because it's been sooooooooooooo long and the Caryl crowd has been battered for so long and the ABC crowd is so loud and even the media doesn't immediately jump to it despite the popularity of Caryl the obviousness of it just wasn't obvious. But the way Zeke proposed to Carol to which she did not say yes, his undying declaration of love to which she did not respond in kind to the way she curled up (yes, curled up!) against Daryl to tell him about said proposal and his response, clearly not happy about it, but willing to give her the go-ahead if she was happy was so obvious. I mean, DUDE! Yeah, that was textbook triangle material with the guy proposing being the clear loser in the equation in the long run. And that was Angela Kang's first episode as showrunner!

Everything that followed--the secret visits to him, her cutting his hair, her trust in him and vice-versa--to her leaving Zeke behind in Hilltop and going with Daryl to Alexandria, yeah, all of that was clearly going to be how that "triangle" ended based on that first episode.  But so many Caryl fans were heartbroken, upset, furious about the Carol/Zeke spoilers. Of course, they were. We had no idea what Kang had in store. We'd been burned and battered and used and ignored by TWD, AMC, Gimple, et al. How could we possibly know that Kang had a plan all along and that the Carol/Zeke relationship was about paying time and attention to Carol's character and establishing a subtle triangle with Daryl in which he would emerge the victor?

But that's exactly what Angela Kang did. And then in season 10 she made it clear numerous times that it--only her second as showrunner--would feature the relationship of Carol and Daryl at the heart of it. So I have a few points I want to make regarding the upcoming spoilers taking ALL of the above that I've written into account:

1. Spoilers are tricky things. You simply can not know what is what until you actually watch the episode and even see the full arc play out. When you have a good showrunner/headwriter who has a plan and knows the path planned for the characters--one who has proven they know what they're doing--wait until you see what they are actually doing before assuming the roof is falling in. At least that's my philosophy.

2. I mentioned how the obviousness of the triangle aspect set-up in Kang's first episode as showrunner was so missed and a part of that is because of the fact that there is too much ambiguity in how Caryl and Daryl see one another. Is it friendship? Is it a mother/son (pfft! So fucking ridiculous!) relationship? Is it a sibling-like relationship? Or is it romantic/sexual? (YES, IT IS!) This very well may be what answers that question. (It’s the last one. It’s definitely the last one.)

3. 10x18 is STILL a part of season 10. According to Angela Kang, the heart of season 10 is the relationship of Carol and Daryl.

Finally, there are two characters left from the first season of this ten (of eleven) season show. Carol and Daryl. There is going to be a spin-off featuring Carol and Daryl. A character that Daryl has some sort of history with when he thought he lost Carol when she was married to someone else (after he had lost Rick) is NOT going to suddenly, randomly become the ONE to come between Carol and Daryl.

It doesn’t matter that this character is coming back in the final season. Sorry, not sorry, but it just does not. Carol and Daryl are the ONE for each other. This character is just another Ezekiel, a part of their story. Angela Kang has been organically, effortlessly rebuilding Carol and Daryl, and Caryl back up from the neglect and abuse that they suffered (especially Carol and Caryl) under Scott Gimple.

This is why I trust in Angela Kang.

[rayofsunas]

haikyuu!! as dads (pt.2)

A/n: hello! this is the part two to the haikyuu!! as dads “series”. if I combined them they’d be very long.

Summary: haikyuu characters as dads/domestic living.

Pairings: Yuji Terushima, Akaashi Keiji, Yu Nishinoya, Tsutomu Goshiki

Warnings: some timeskip spoilers, fluff, parenting, angst (kinda, not really), swearing (maybe), crack, all characters are aged up

Word count: 2.2k

Part One!

Yuji Terushima

- childish man sigh

- he has a daughter and son, who he’s just as childish as, and it really shows

- boy has so much energy

- he’s ALWAYS chasing his son and daughter around

- he offers to take his kids to the playground, he says he’s doing it to give you a break, but really he has just as much fun playing on the playground as his son

- when he picks his sons up after daycare expect them to race to where you’re waiting by the sidewalk

- he will not let them beat him, he doesn’t realize it, but he gets caught up in having fun and will legit run off sprinting to you, leaving his kids in the dust

- has to repeatedly apologize and promise he won’t do it again, but it still happens everyday

- he’s an apprentice hair stylist so boy knows how to do hair

- you can find him playing with both of his kids hair if they let him

- it definitely puts them to sleep at night, so he does it often

- watches cartoons/movies with them because he also enjoys it

- his sons tries to say doing hair is for girls, and teases terushima about it

- BUT on the low everyone in the family knows he’s just joking and he secretly loves it

- would rather do something involving movement, boy can’t sit still for shit, so often he’s out and about with his kids

-adores his children so much

- he thinks they're so fun

- would rather hang out with them over adults

- “adults are boring” “I agree daddy”

- his children cling to him, and because he’s so close to them, they come to him to talk about anything

- wherever terushima is, his children were sure to follow when they were little

- despite being childish, after taking his now teen daughter to a soccer game, he managed to become famous amongst the mothers who called him “a hot dad with a tongue piercing”

- “I’m telling mom” his teen son said one day while his daughter was on the field still

- “what?” terushima lowkey was confused, doesn’t see the harm in the comments, as long as they don’t over step right?

- “why do you entertain them?”

- “it’s funny” he shrugged.

- “still telling mom.”

- because he’s childish, and his children come to him for everything, he has dirt on his kids that you don't know

- “if that's the case. i’m telling her what you did.” he smirks

- “what did I do?”

- "your boyfriend, last week, behind the bleachers...”

- “oh...”

- “yeah, oh.”

- “you know she supports your relationship, but she’s also protective, and she’ll wanna give you guys the talk.”

- “i’ll still tell her... she’ll beat your ass, childish old man.”

- his daughter still tells him things, but after her brother told her what happened during her game, she will keep certain things from him

- although terushima joked about telling you what went on between your son and his boyfriend, it accidentally slipped out at dinner

- “dad you promised!” “SORRY!”

- he was just having a nice convo with his family and then it slipped out, he doesn’t regret it lol, he thinks it's not a big deal, but when you began having the talk OVER dinner he regretted it oop

- your son claimed it wasn't an accident and therefore tells that he’s been allowing the mothers to flirt with him, but you're more focused on giving your son the talk

- “you know you always have to use protection. I know it may seem different, cause he’s a boy, but if you're doing an-”

- “BABE, SHHHH, I’M TRYING TO EAT!”

- “YOU SHOUDL’VE KEPT QUIET.”

- your daughter is so traumatized...

Akaashi Keiji

- when his daughter was born, he was lowkey stressed

- he wants everything to go smoothly and perfect, and it did, but he was stressed

- akaashi still to this day cannot say no to her

- he gives her that smile, and it just lowkey melts his heart, he doesn't show it though

- you would often come home to see them laying on the couch together, him reading a children's book to her, her pointing at the little pictures

- she’s wrapped around his finger and vice versa

- is in her life a lot more than other dads maybe but he also knows space is important

- he overthinks a lot, so he’s always worrying when his daughter comes home late

- he trusts her, but he knows how influenced teens can get when around with friends

- he’s the type of dad that seems scary cause his blank and serious looks, but he’s actually soft af

- he kinda strict though ngl

- he wants his daughter to do good in all aspects of life, school, careers, everything

- so he’s kinda the strict parent

- when his daughter was little, and even now, he makes sure she always eats good

- she can’t leave the table unless she’s cleaned her whole plate up, he’s very humble sooo

- he’s the one who helps his daughter through tough days or if she has mood swings lol

- he had to deal with bokuto and his ups and downs, so you best believe he’s skilled in that department

- he makes sure his daughter is always neat looking

- he’s not a clean freak by any means, but he always wants her looking presentable/neat

- when he learned his daughter had a boyfriend, lets just say he didn’t talk for hours after the first initial “oh...”

- “dad I want you to meet him” “who?” “my boyfriend- I just said that!” “oh...”

- “mom said you’d react like this, but he’s a good guy promise. “i’d only bring home the best for you to meet”

- doesn’t wanna accept she’s growing up and is sad about it

- isn’t gonna say he cried about it, but he probably cries in your shoulder when his daughter is out of the house

- it’s always been his daughter and him against the world, and it feels as if he’s letting her go, when in reality, he’s not

- she’ll still come home at the end of the day

- misses when she was a baby, because he could read books and tell her stories all day :(

-nonetheless he’s happy for her, just SHOOK

Yu Nishinoya 

- omg he loves his kids so much, he always does the most extra stuff for them

- throws over the top crackhead birthday parties

- has a football team of kids ngl

- 4 kids-

- and he wants more, but you said no :(

- it took him years to get over the initial shock that they also need your attention too- BUTTTTTT he got over it

- he has 3 sons and a daughter and keeps them so active lol

- he’s always going on adventures with them

- he’s the dad that would take his kids camping, in their backyard though (his youngest child is too young to go camping)

- but he sets up a cute little tent and bonfire and its so cute

- sooooo, nishinoya has grown since high school, and although he’s not the tallest or biggest man, he’s taller

- in old photos, his sons (if taller) make fun of his heigh, poor nishi

- will slap them silly

- if his sons are popular in school and get a lot of attention, they are the only boys he will accept who get attention

- he’d be like yes bitch, get them girls/guys

- anyone who looks at his daughter is going to face a rabid chiuaha

- he may not seem so strictly protective, but he doesn’t like when anyone flirts with his daughter

- it is his only daughter, and the youngest child at that

- he embarrasses his kids, A LOT. especially when they're older

- they didn’t realize as young children why the people would stare when they went to amusement parks or to get ice cream

- BUT NOW

- they see it :(

- when you decided it would be great for the whole family to go out for dinner, it resulted in your husband getting into an argument with a waiter for apparently “flirting with my daughter and my wife”

- simply put, the waiter was not flirting, he was just doing his job, taking your order-

- nishinoya is a rabid Chihuahua all the time, and results in his family getting kicked out of a lot of restaurants/places because he’s TOO LOUD

- if one of his kids got suspended from school, he legit can’t find it in him to punish them, he’s not strict at all and is a major goofball

- instead much to your dismay, he REWARDS them....

- two of your sons got into a fight with another boy, resulting in suspension? nishinoya takes them both out for dinner

- when he came home from said dinner, he had the largest grin on his face claiming to you, “they were standing their ground!”

- your son starts rumors about another boy? all nishinoya can say was that it was deserved

- your daughter bad mouths a fellow student and gets suspended for vulgar language? rabid chihuahua dad to the rescue!

- defends his daughter in front of you, the principle, and other child's parents while in the principles office

- the whole house is chaotic and a zoo, and you’re the only sane one tbh

- if not for you, they wouldn't be disciplined at all

- truthful, nishinoya means well and did mature (?) but overall he’s very crackhead chaotic embarrassing dad

Tsutomu Goshiki

- okay so goshiki as a dad is so cute uwu

- we all know he loves to show off, soooo

- he shows his son of every chance he gets

- when you three go to the grocery store, he’s always proudly holding his son on his shoulders, making sure people see him lol

- and when they do see him and comment how cute he is, goshiki just be like “i know” with the FATTEST smirk

- when he’s teaching his son how to walk, he’ll intentional take his son outside and walk him around on the strip of sidewalk in front of your house and a few of the neighbors houses

- he knows that your neighbor, a grandma who’s grandkids are all older and don’t visit much, will see it through her window and come out to gush at how cute your son is and how he’s a better walker than her grandkids when they were his age  

- goshiki couldn’t be prouder lmao

- brags about his kids to the Green Rockets ALL THE TIME

- will confidently and proudly say he has the cutest and smartest kid on the planet and will argue about it for hours to anyone

- “shiki, it’s not a debate, why’re you so defensive?” you asked one afternoon after picking Goshiki up from practice with the Green Rockets, one of his teammates sat in the back with your son beside him in his car seat

- you offered to take his teammate home seeing as though his ride wouldn’t be here for a while, plus he lived a street over so it was easiest and made more sense

- the whole way, Goshiki’s teammate was happily playing peek-a-boo with the three year old, your son was having a blast, and all you could hear were his loud giggles, it was adorable

- “i think he likes me” his teammate mentioned after fifteen minutes. your husband scoffed beside you in the passenger seat

- “i think so too. he’s shy because goshiki is always showing him off, but he really likes you!” you explained, eyes focused on the road

- the whole time gohsiki was glaring back at his teammate

- “look goshiki, he’s reaching for me! he wants a hug”

- “It’s just because you’re holding his favorite binky.”

- eye-

- “....whatever. I still think he like’s me.”

- your husband just coldly laughs and turns around to face the front, “no”

- goshiki spends a lot of time with his son in his early years, so they're very close and always do stuff together

- but on his sons first day of preschool he’s more nervous than his son is tbh

- he prideful, so he knows his son is going to make tons of friends and do alright, but he can’t help but feel bored and alone the rest of the day, since he’s so used to doing everything with him

- on his days off, he always woke up early with his son and spent the day together

- now he has to send him off to preschool for the WHOLE day...

- not gonna lie, the first week wasn’t as bad as he imagined it, but once the second week started, it kicked in for the first time that this would be an everyday occurrence until summer and it wasn’t something temporary

- on the second monday of preschool, after dropping his son off, he comes home sad and legit goes to find you to complain and whine

- “does he really need preschool?” goshiki whined.

- “yes, shiki, it’s important.”

- “homeschool is an option.”

-  you laughed. “who will teach him?”

- “me of course.”

- “what? NO!”

- an hour later...

- “i miss him.”

- “he’ll be back in two hours.”

- “two hours is too long.”

- probably cried in your neck a few minutes later because he was sad about it :(

- don’t tell his teammate though-

- he gets happy again though when you reassure him how much he misses goshiki too

- his response.... “well duh, I am his favorite.” prideful bastard...

- IS SO SO SO HAPPY WHEN HE GOES TO PICK HIS SON UP HUSH

- HIS SMILE IS SO HUGE UWUWUWU

10.21.20, rayofsunas

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #403

“ashes to ashes, watch me disappear”

If given the opportunity, would you like to star in a musical? Definitely not. I don't like musicals. Name one person you’d take a bullet for: There's honestly a lot, but Mom immediately came to mind. Any posters of a band on your bedroom wall? Yeah: Metallica and Marilyn Manson currently. I want lots more, especially an Ozzy one. Do you think you’ve already met your soulmate? I don't believe in soulmates. Do you share your bedroom with anyone? No, unless you include my cat and snake. Is your favorite color yellow? No, it's actually one of my least favorites. Were you born in a hospital? I was. Do you know the name of the person that delivered you? No, but Mom does. I think he delivered me and my two sisters, and I know Mom has seen him since for other reasons. Was your birth recorded? God no. Good call, Mom. Did you eat a peach this week? Would you believe me if I told you I had a small bit of peach pie for my sister's birthday? For some reason, I just really wanted to try some. It was okay, but the aftertaste sucked. Are you leaving the house tomorrow? Yes, for TMS therapy. Every weekday. Do you enjoy romantic movies, even when they’re cliche? I honestly do. If you could get free vocal lessons would you take them? Probably not. I don't like singing in front of anyone, and it's not like I wanna get anywhere with my singing, so. Is your mother diabetic? She is. Are you? No. Ever sang someone to sleep? No. Who do you stalk the most through Facebook? Nobody. Have you ever deleted your Facebook, then brought it back? No. What is your main responsibility each day? Be sure to take my medications. Do you feel like you fulfill those responsibilities? Yeah. There are rare mornings where I forget, but I almost always remember. I don't fw skipping out on meds that keep my mental health stable. When was the last time you used spray paint? Good question. Do you know the middle name of the last person you kissed? Yep. Who is the friendliest person you know? My mom, probably. Something that annoys you about summer: THE HEAT. THE HUMIDITY. UGH. Something that annoys you about winter: Hm. That's hard to say, given I love winter. I guess the fact it doesn't snow enough here. Are the doors of your fridge side by side or on top of one another? Side-by-side. If you’ve moved out of the house you were born in, do you know the people who live in that house now? Nope. Have you ever cried in a movie theater? Not sobbed or anything, but I've definitely teared up and gotten the sniffles because of multiple movies. Do you read comic books? No. Do you force your way into conversations in which you are not involved? No. Have you ever seriously pretended to be clinically insane? I didn't need to pretend; I'm pretty damn sure I was for a while. Might I add that it's EXTREMELY inconsiderate to pretend you're insane, btw. Insanity is not "cool." It's not "funny." It's not "edgy." It's a serious, confusing, heart-wrenching issue that can ruin lives. Do you know anyone with a stutter? Yes, myself included when I'm even mildly nervous. And sometimes just randomly. With a lisp? I don't believe so. What was the last board game you played? The Disney version of "Pretty Pretty Princess" w/ my niece and even my nephew, even though his sexist-ass dad didn't want him to. Like let your kid have some fun with his sister and aunt, goddamn. They had a blast. It was Aubree's birthday present from me, so I am SO glad she loved it. Did you win? Ha ha, no, I always let Aubree or Ryder win. I came super close once, but I let the kids bend the rules a bit. They don't like losing, and even though they definitely need to understand that just happens and is totally fine for it to, I wasn't about to be the one to make them sad about it. When was the last time you tried to speak with an accent? OH MY LAAAAAWWWWWWD. Also at Aubree's b-day party, at one point, I spoke in a snobbish British accent while I was winning at the aforementioned game. Ryder asked, "Why are you speaking Spanish?", and I fuckin DIED. Have you ever made up a word before? Yeah, I know at least a few instances for fantasy animals in writing. When was the last time you went to a museum? A couple summers ago when my brother and his son visited, we went to a science museum. My nephew was sooooo into it. Do you have a nice yard? If so, do you spend a lot of time outside in it? If not, where do you go when you want to relax outdoors on nice days? Our front and back yards are both small and honestly very boring. The grass is a pretty green, but that's the only nice thing about it. I don't go to sit outside here on any day. Do your parents enjoy any of the things that you enjoy? Do you bond over these things? My parents and I have very similar music tastes, so there's that. I also didn't know for the longest time that Mom likes to write, which I sure as hell do, too! She doesn't really write anymore though, and she's self-conscious of it anyway, like I am. She and I also love a lot of the same shows. What is the movie that you have waited the longest for/which film do you remember anticipating the most/are still anticipating? I think The Incredibles 2. I aaaalways wanted to know what happened after the end of the first film. Do you have any ideas for a story or movie you’re planning to write or you’d write if you had the time/had the talent? Please share a synopsis! I genuinely think some RP I've written is series-worthy, but I don't feel like re-writing the YEARS of RP into a book format, and I sincerely worry that the ridiculously dark parts could inspire people like serial killers and cause A LOT of controversy, crime-blaming, and just general hate. I don't want to be involved in that. What is something that an interested guy/girl could comment about you, that would make you instantly open to them (e.g., “That book you’re reading is from my favorite author”)? Compliment my Markiplier tattoo, obviously knowing it's a tribute to him, and we're essentially besties. Is there a person in your life (maybe barely) that you feel in constant competition with (even just in your imagination)? Maybe you feel they are consistently outshining you? Ugh... there's a local photographer that's much more successful than I am that I admittedly am very envious of. I swear to whatever god you may believe in that I mean it from a modest perspective, I really, really do, but I genuinely think my skills surpasses hers, and she's only more prevalent because photography REALLY is about who you know. She's talented, yes, but like... come on. If you are single, even if you are normally happily single, are there certain specific things you witness that make you wish you were in a relationship (e.g., people getting engaged)? I mean yeah. I miss cuddling, holding hands, kissing, just being cute together, and especially people getting engaged or having kids. It's such a trigger to me. Once upon a time, that's all I wanted with Jason. I wanted to be that beautiful couple that got married and had two or three loved-beyond-words children, but then he left so abruptly, and I feel like it was so brutally robbed from me. I don't want kids anymore like at all, but the point still stands that I felt like my dreams were just ripped away. Out of all your usernames for websites, which one is your favorite? Do you use it for more than one site? I use "Ozzkat" just about everywhere. Have you ever spent the whole day (or multiple days) just looking up one thing on the internet (e.g., videos of your favorite band, how-to videos, quizzes, etc.)? OHHHHHHHHHH YEAH. There have been a couple days or so where I was totally glued to looking up various tattoo designs, bingeing let's plays or conspiracy theory videos, etc. etc. If you ever think about getting married, what are some aspects of the wedding that you would like to see in a non-traditional manner (e.g., a different color dress or “partners” over “husband” and “wife”)? I WILL NOT get married in a church, first of all. I'm also not having the traditional vows, and I probably won't wear a white dress, but instead black. Salt & vinegar, barbecue, sour cream & onion, or cheddar? Ohhhh, I like all those options but barbecue. I think I've gotta go with sour cream & onion, though. Bow ties on guys, dorky or adorable? A D O R A B L E ! ! ! I think they're ordinarily geeky, but I mean, geeky is cute in my world. :^) Do you believe in demonic possession? How about ghosts? Angels? Angels, no. Spirits/ghosts, 100%. I don't exactly believe in demons, per se, but I do question if evil spirits can possess someone. What is one romantic movie that you enjoy enough to watch more than once? I've seen The Notebook numerous times. Name three countries you want to visit; why those three? South Africa to interact with meerkats at the KMP, somewhere up in Canada to see the Northern Lights, and Germany just because, really. I took German for four semesters, and the culture and all just interests me. Do you have a good luck charm? No, considering I don't believe they do jack. Do you use Skype to talk to your friends? Only Sara. Now that I have Discord semi-figured out now though, we'll probably use that for voice chatting. Are you allergic to any animals? I might be allergic to dogs. Do you usually spend your weekends out, or at home? I'm like... always at home. Do you think it’s wrong for people to say "retard/retarded" as an insult? Absofuckinglutely. Don't pull that shit when I'm around. Have you ever had to go to the police department? No. Have you ever lived through a hurricane? Plenty. Have you ever had a home-grown tomato? Yes, from my old friend's garden. We'd have delicious tomato, mayo, and bacon sandwiches. The only instance where I've enjoyed tomatoes. Have you ever held a real gun? The former friend I mentioned just before, her husband always carried a gun, and he just needed me to hold it for a sec for some reason I don't recall. I hated the feeling. Would you rather wear Converse or Vans? I like both, but I think I prefer Converse. Have you ever been called bipolar? Yes, because I clinically am. Have you ever made fun of a handicapped person? FUCK no. And like the "retarded" thing, don't you fucking DARE to do this in front of me. I WILL deck the shit out of you. Do you think it’s okay to have sex before marriage? Sure, as long as you're being safe and are very thorough in communication. Do you like to watch old sitcoms? I don't really watch TV as I say in like every survey it seems, but I do enjoy some old sitcoms I grew up watching with my mom, like The Nanny, The Golden Girls, The Munsters, etc. If asked, could you run a mile nonstop right now? Being completely serious, I don't even know if I CAN physically run right now. My legs are so incredibly weak, and I'm humiliatingly close to what my heaviest weight was back in 2016, so I can almost guarantee my knees would crumple if I tried. Do you wear those rubber wristbands? I used to. I don't really like bracelets nowadays. If a necklace/ring gives you green marks, do you still wear it? Nope. Have you ever driven an electric car? No. When was the last time you saw someone you went to high school with? Uhhhh idk. What breed was the last dog you saw? A fucking GOLIATH of a lab. I shit you not when I say my sister's roommate's dog Hudson is the size of a goddamn bear. How long have your parents been together (or how long were they together, if they no longer are): I wanna say they were together at the very least 20 years. What has been your most epic cooking failure? I once accidentally put something (I don't remember what) in the microwave for around 45 minutes I believe, and I walked away and completely forgot about it. I remembered a long while later, and safe to say, it wasn't edible, whatever it was, lmao. Have you ever been to Mexico? No. Have you ever had a parrot sit on your shoulder? No, but that'd be cool. Has anyone in your life ever treated you abusively? No. How long has it been since your last breakup? Somewhere around two years ago? My memory is so garbage nowadays. Can you concentrate well while listening to music, or do you find it distracting? It's distracting, usually. What’s something you’ve been struggling with lately? I've been pretty bad about drinking too much soda lately. :/

[pokeverse-amethyst]

Sooooo… this is gonna be a long one, strap in. What follows is a metric ton of HCs about every single evil team and how they have worked themselves into every aspect of daily life, as to make them way more difficult to get rid off than just with a couple of arrests. Timeline wonkiness when trying to explain what likely happened first is to be expected, I’m playing fast and loose with all of this stuff. I might be way off topic in some regards but HECK HERE GOES. ~~~

TEAM ROCKET: This is pretty much of a no-brainer. What we have here is a classical mafia structure, and you just need to look at countries with extensive mafia presence to know that they are baked into every single fucking thing. Giovanni has worked years upon years to cement himself straight into Kanto and Johto, consequently making it impossible for any of the other teams to even THINK about gaining a foothold there. No further explanations necessary. ~~~ TEAM AQUA / TEAM MAGMA: This one is a bit of a more difficult one. But then again, let’s presume that most of the teams recruit a mixture of people who fully believe in the team’s message, who misunderstand the team’s message, and who see themselves in the team, but not necessarily in the message (so just looking for somewhere to belong and to gain some kind of direction). Oh, and monetary gain. Can’t forget that. So in the case of both Aqua and Magma? I like to believe it started out with Maxie and Archie working together on a plan to give nature back to Pokémon. Like, with trying to get more protected zones established, kinda like Fiore has them? But they were hitting resistance too often. Now I’m not saying that they were on the wrong track from the start or developed into what is basically eco-terrorists, but… they probably saw way too much bad shit happening to Pokémon around them. Maybe they heard what Team Rocket was doing to Pokémon in Johto and Kanto. Maybe they heard rumors about what Cyrus nearly accomplished, what Lysandre almost triggered, what Ghetsis managed to fuck up with his whole power play madness (TWICE, too!), what the Aether foundation might have had triggered if not for the intervention of a Legendary, what Rose made possible in the GALAR REGION of all places… Suffice to say, they probably felt like they needed to seriously up their game… to make sure that the other teams didn’t fuck up the world beyond repair before THEY could make the world a better place. The only thing that finally broke Archie and Maxie up though, was an inability to settle on what would be better. More landmass, more sea? What would be the gentler way of resetting humanity? Suffice to say, their vision might have attracted way too many who nudged them along. So TLDR: Archie and Maxie mostly reacted to what the other Team Bosses were doing and were helped along by Grunts/Admins that were way too into the whole “we will be the only humans deserving this new, shiny world”. They were numerous enough and determined enough to turn into a slightly terroristic group, but until the ultimate use of Kyogre/Groudon, they never really registered that much on Interpol’s radar. And when Interpol learned of them stealing a whole ass sub? It was already too late stopping them in their tracks in time. After all, Interpol had all the other regions to monitor as well… ~~~ TEAM GALACTIC: So. Charon doesn’t need much of a head canon fuckery. He just did it for the money, that much he stated openly. And Jupiter, Mars and Saturn? They all admitted openly to being along for the ride because they believed in Cyrus and the world being fucked up beyond repair, thus needing a good ol’ divine intervention from the whole-ass creation trio. But I don’t think any single one of them fully understood what Cyrus’s goal was. The commanders (that are not Charon) squarely fall into the category of “misunderstanding the ultimate purpose of the team”, as do all the Grunts. And as mentioned above with Team Aqua and Magma, Galactic probably saw some of the stuff that was happening around them and ultimately decided (and this is mostly for the Grunts and the Commanders) that Cyrus probably wasn’t so far off with the human spirit being incomplete. But they made one crucial mistake (pretty much the whole team, even Charon). They thought that Cyrus’s assertion over the incomplete nature of the human spirit was a reason for the man to believe in a world that should be made whole, not in wiping the whole fucking slate clean and going Tabula Rasa on the whole of creation. Much to the annoyance of everyone involved (and with that I mean the Creation Trio and the big boss of them), he actually went far enough to step on everything just to gain the power to control the legendaries. Also, time to unearth an already yoinked HC of mine that Giratina mostly retreated into the Distortion World to get some good alone time in, only to be disrupted by Cyrus bursting in. On that point also: time not really working all that clearly in the Distortion World. Kinda like Narnia rules, in as there is no fixed constant for time moving forward in either one or the other extreme. Sometimes, time will move forward extremely fast, other times, you spend years and years in the Distortion World and only a few seconds passed. After all, everything gets a bit… wobbly in there. But around the time Cyrus entered, Distortion World time became… more orderly. And that was what prompted Giratina to go VERY UNAMUSED ON HIS ASS. Think of it as time being influenced by what is thrown into the Distortion World. BACK to the Team, though. Galactic honest to Arceus believed that what they were doing would give the world a much needed boost… and were unpleasantly surprised when they were later on all shown that Cyrus wanted to go destruction and rebirth on the world. But that is not to say everyone was unhappy about this revelation. ~~~ TEAM PLASMA & NEO PLASMA: What easier time to convince disparate beliefs than with the apparent reason that they were just helping Pokémon that would have been unhappy in the care of their trainers? Wether the Grunts believed that the Pokémon should then consequently be released back into the wild or that they THEMSELVES deserved the Pokémon way more than others? What easier way to convince them of Plasma’s ideals? And there was no real discussion amongst the Grunts over this dichotomy. Sure, a few were disputing the one or the other stance, but most were still agreeing that the trainers they took the Pokémon from did NOT deserve them. No matter how pure their reasoning was. No matter how reality really looked like. Sure, they were removing Pokémon from some really nasty trainers? But on the greater scale of things, they mostly took Pokémon from trainers who they loved being with. And Ghetsis had his thumb on this a lot. See, Ghetsis didn’t want N to sway too much, before he finally met the protagonist. So Ghetsis made sure that only obviously abused Pokémon removed from trainers were brought to N. …why, no, this doesn’t mean at all that they were usually just from the outside. Ya think Ghetsis only had his main team? Dream on. ~~~ TEAM FLARE: What is there to say about Team Flare? They are basically a mix of the worst of the self-viewed elite of the region. There is entitlement to being viewed as the best of the best (and you can’t tell ‘em otherwise), there is doomsday fans who would do the whole shit with bunkering down and then fighting in an apocalyptic wasteland and fancying themselves new leaders in that changed world, there’s the ones who just think they will be able to surpass even Lysandre… What about the Admins of Flare? They half share Lysandre’s views of beauty. But mostly, they are in too deep to quit, and also half about relishing the fact that they get to work on something truly unique and devastating. They want this whole power thing to work out for them because some time in their lives, they might have felt like they were owed power and didn’t receive it. They were owed recognition and didn’t receive it. They want to be the new top of Kalos without working TOO hard for it. Without anything laying rocks in their path. Without any obstacles telling them that, no. They fucked up. ~~~ AETHER FOUNDATION: The moment Lusamine found out about the Ultra Dimension, she ostensibly was lost to her goal of getting her hands on the power to change the face of the world. And to preserve beauty. In many ways, her goal was similar to Lysandre… to a degree. The Aether Foundation is half staffed by people who truly believe that conservation work is the most important factor in the Pokémon World, to preserve some of the more endangered species around the world, and half staffed by people who truly believe that the Ultra Dimension holds answers to problems humanity might not even have recognized as such. This latter half was unpleasantly surprised when they started to learn the truth from the Ultra Dimension researchers. Finding out that Necrozma had destroyed the natural light of that world and was now the only source of more light for the city? That was a shock. But that didn’t necessarily mean that the Aether Foundation would have been broken up by that. Because honestly? The part of the conservation enthusiasts who were not deterred by the Ultra Dimension incident made the Foundation bloom beyond what it was possible to become. So in short: this foundation survived its leader far better than many others, and actually managed to get accepted. ~~~ MACRO COSMOS: This is the team that shocked their region with just how far their influence had gone. And that is to say that they existed at all, right under the noses of the region. Rose’s whole deal is a big part why Leon would later be plunged into a crisis of conscience, despite everyone assuring him that he had no way of knowing just how far Rose was willing to go to show the region how wrong it was to not immediately acquiesce to all that he envisioned for the future. The mere fact Rose was UNWILLING to wait what would at most have been half a day for Leon, to celebrate with the others after another big Champion Tournament? That was what sat so ill with many in the region. It wasn’t so much the message that Rose felt everyone had missed (that was actually just his version of events - most of the Macro Cosmos Grunts were attached to him solely for the reason of having privileges that none other had, and when they saw how he was acting, only the most dedicated few could ignore what was going on). So we are dealing with another team that was shocked how far the leader would go, but even more so than the Aether Foundation, the members scattered when Rose enacted the Darkest Day right out of nowhere. There is still worries that remains of Macro Cosmos could be out there, trying to bust Oleana and Rose out of prison and actually finding another way with which to scare Galar into complicity. How well that would even go is a whole different question… because the new champ is even stronger than Leon, and THAT is real fucking bad news for anyone who would want to establish themselves.

[blackhatclubblog]

Top Ten Shows with #s in the titles

Because there are many ways to divide dramas, and this is one. XD The K2 Oh, yes, let's start with the one that should have been so much cooler. What should have been the core of the story: is it possible for a good, if terribly broken (kudos to the show for portraying PTSD), man to save a bad, and equally broken, woman with the power of his friendship? Unfortunately, they thought a ridiculous lot of action, a few good actors, and the potential for awesome could save an 11th hour gutting of the best parts of the drama in favor of an absolutely idiotic (and entirely inappropriate) loveline with a actress who could not hold her own against the other leads. It did not work. I will say the action scenes are still fun and the OST is one I still enjoy, though. Right along with the glorious speculation on what could have been. XD 7th Grade Civil Servant ...'k, and this was a DNF. It was a stupid, slapstick spy comedy that even fans of such (of which I am not one) did not enjoy. I was hoping, because it had Joo Won in, but...no. I could barely make it through the beginning. Two Weeks Okay, I liked this one. It is a drama not really for children or the undiscerning...but a good story in multiple ways. It’s one of those incredible redemption stories that I adored but that which is slightly harder to recommend to everyone indiscriminately. Basically, the MC made a terrible choice in attempting to protect someone he loved, and his life was destroyed. When the story starts, he is in a very bad place, and the story doesn't shy away from the depths to which he has sunk. When his ex-girlfriend finds him and tells him that she actually had the baby he demanded she abort, and that baby is now a young girl dying of leukemia who needs him donate stem cells...his life takes a different turn. Watching him fight step by step to believe that he can change, that he can become the person those he loves need so desperately, and come to a full understanding of what exactly he has done in the past...it's incredible. {There is a scene where he ends up helping a stranger deliver her baby, and the moment it truly hits him what he almost forced his girlfriend to do and that he might never have met his daughter if his girlfriend had followed through...gah.} This ^ scene, sure, might lose a few points for why is a man on the run from the police and the bad guys helping a random lady deliver a baby of all things? and is this too on the nose in forcing him to make up for not supporting his own family when he should have done so? But it all depends on how you feel about symbolism. XD Also, I just discovered, doing my usual fruitless search for a good MV of Two Weeks, that Japan has also done a version, which stars Miura Haruma. Which A) brb, watching that now, and B) that leads directly into: 5 Minutes to Tomorrow A man enters the twisting reality of a highly concerning pair of twin sisters...which one died and which one came home as his wife?  This also counts as a DNF, I guess, because I have tried to watch this movie 2-3 times and fallen asleep promptly every time, which is not a great recommendation for any kind of murder mystery. To be fair, the Chinese or Japanese movies I have watched have been few and far between. All of the latter, however have been the fault of the following drama: Bloody Monday 1-2 This is totally cheating and I really don't care. There are rare Korean or Japanese shows with seasons, so I'm utilizing that unique aspect. XD Anyway, it's been a while since I watched it, but I highlight it for 2 reasons: Miura Haruma and Sato Takeru.   Okay, just kidding. But I keep checking out and then dropping Japanese films and shows in hopes of one or the other of these two will be in another show as brilliantly addicting as this one. So far, Sato Takeru is the only one who has managed it. What made Bloody Monday so good? Plotting, pacing, characters. It is a j-drama/dorama, so be warned that compared to the k-dramas I tend to watch it is a little more graphic in terms of language, death, clothing choices, subject matter...but if you're looking for a fight-the-terrorist-save-the-world story utilizing a genius hacker and his best friends and a brilliantly charismatic villain..this is it. The villain subconsciously inspired a decent amount of my Contract to Time Travel character Ja-Il - his intelligence, his charisma, his relationship with his siblings...but one of the main reasons I love it is that the MC is so resoundingly true. When it comes down to saving his country or betraying his principles, what choice will he make? Tactically he may be stupid, but he's still practically a child, and the strength of his convictions matters to me. Also, I loved that season 2 did not pick up with everyone the same. It showed how people were hurt, how people were changed, how people grew up, from season 1. It hurt, but it felt real. Queen for Seven Days Speaking of watching new dramas because of who is in them...Park Min Young SLAYS in every drama I've seen her in (including rom com, which I DO NOT EVEN WATCH but which I have watched for her and pretty much died laughing over)...and Yeon Woo Jin (who...now that I think about it...I have watched a rom-com with him in it too...yikes...this is not me...) Maybe I'm an idiot for wanting to ruin the two rom-coms I've enjoyed in my life by seeing two of their leads in a tragedy, but...I have heard nothing but high praise for every aspect of this drama except the trailers, and once I get past my current stack of tragic historical dramas, I'm definitely going to watch this one. Five Fingers This one is on hold...to be honest, I only ever wanted to watch it because of the opening sequence of piano music, which I watched. All I know is it's about pseudo-brothers and revenge and pianos? And there's a fire in there somewhere? Which sounds like a fun combination, but I'm not sure as a story that has enough weight to pull me completely in. I might do better with my time to just learn some piano music for myself.... 38 Task Force Okay, for something not a revenge tragedy...this weirdly named show is for fans of Leverage and Seo In Guk. The relationships weren't quite so well done as I'd hoped, and the cons (which then became the point of it all) were minimally memorable. I remember one of them involved the main conman giving a speech at a fancy place...and another involved him coming up with a car out of thin air...and another had something to do with antiques and throwing money everywhere. So. I remember enjoying it enough to watch it...but not much else. Rating: Eh. School 2013 Aw...one more drama that is neither tragedy nor romance. It's a school drama about guilt, honesty, dreams, the impact of adult role models on troubled children, and a David-Jonathan friendship that went horribly wrong. As such it is a lot less weighty than most of the others on this list...yet while you're watching it you forget that the only thing at stake is the friendship of some high school boys and possibly their futures. Which I think is something Korean dramas sometimes excel at - is the tragic destruction of a friendship going to destroy the world? No, but when you're in the situation it might feel like it is, and the drama manages to pull you in so that you feel what they're feeling. Six Flying Dragons Sooooo....back to tragedies....*cough* Caveat: I have not yet finished this. But just the first few episodes plunged me into the founding of a nation and the creation of a man - I love how Korean dramas are not afraid to spend the time setting up the world and showing you exactly what choices were made to make someone the person they became. And maybe it’s a bloody mess of history but it’s tragic and fascinating and even if largely fictionalized there is so much to learn from history, let alone about story-telling. I’m looking forward to watching this one as a whole.   What is your favorite drama or movie with a number in the title? Which of the above have you watched? XD

[latina4bangtan]

Let’s Make a Deal pt. 8

“Go apologize to your wife for being an ass” 

Namjoon's POV

It had been a few days since the fight with (y/n) and somehow in those few days so much had changed. All she did was stay in the guest room and if by some chance you actually saw her she didn't even bother to look at you. Even when she did she had a blank look on her face.

As much as you hated to admit it.....you fucked up.

"So what do you think?"

"About?"

"Dude have you even been listening for the past 10 min?" Jhope said.

It was then that you remembered where you were and what you were suppose to be doing. The fog that had been covering your mind seemed to have lifted and you were now seated at the head of a table surrounded by your friends.

"I've got a lot on my mind" was all you could say.

"Yea well we all do so why don't we ALL try to focus. Besides aren't you the one who called this meeting" Suga had said slightly annoyed.

Namjoon began to take notice of all the men who sat beside him. All six of these men had a major role in the operation that Namjoon had been running for the past 5 years. More than that these 6 guys were the best friends he'd had for many years

Jin was in charge of the legal aspects of the operation making sure the law didn't interfere and when it did....let's just say everyone wanted Jin to be their legal representation. He had never lost a case and didn't expect to any time soon.

Suga and Jungkook were in charge of shipments that were to be brought in to the country and distributed. They both  made sure everything always went according to plan.

Taetae and Jimin always worked as a team when it came to security. They worked together to make sure everything was safe and secure.....their plans their money but most importantly their friends

As for Jhope he worked a little of everything. He was pretty much Namjoon's right hand man.

"You're right I did so I'm sorry for zoning out now let's talk. The other night at the party Samuel was there and as I was walking out he had said something that didn't sit well with me and I wanted to bring it to your attention."

"What was it?" Jimin said now looking straight at Namjoon .

"He had asked about (y/n) and when I told him that she wasn't any concern of his he said something about people  from LA sticking together."

"Wait what? No one is suppose to even know that she's from LA all they're suppose to know is that she's from the states." Jungkook said growing slightly irritated. He was one of the men who worked on making sure that no one knew more about (y/n) than was necessary.

"So I'm assuming now you understand my concern. I don't want him anywhere near her is that understood. Not him not any of his men.....no one......do whatever it takes to make sure this is accomplished. He's up to something and I've got a bad feeling he's going to use her to his advantage."

"How do you know she isn't involved?" Jin had been quiet for most of the meeting but it was his basic instinct that made him question every possible scenario. This is what made him so good in a courtroom.

"I just do. She wouldn't have sacrificed everything she knew by marrying me just to put her family in danger again. She's smarter than that."

"Well I've never had reason to question your judge of character so I'll let it go...." and that's exactly what jin did.

"Are there any abnormalities when it comes to our shipments with Samuel's group as of now?"

"No." Was all Suga said.

"Good let's keep it that way if he doesn't suspect us let's not give him a reason to until we have more information on what he's planning."

All of the men gave a slight nod in agreement.

"As always I appreciate all that you do. Please enjoy your weekends....as you normally do." Namjoon said with a slight smirk. He knew his friends all too well and knew they would be getting into some fun trouble.

"You used to join us in these fun weekends if I remember correctly. How sad you're not so wild anymore now that you're all married and what not." Tae said with a little bit of a giggle.

"Yea I guess some things change. You guys have fun though but please don't make me bail you out of jail again." Namjoon said as a smile threatened to spread across his face.

Just as the boys were heading out Namjoon noticed that Jhope had stayed back.

"Some things really do change don't they?" He said.

"What do you mean?"

"You're changing...Earlier when you said you had a lot on your mind it was her wasn't it."

"Come on Hobi I run a major operation 24/7 not to mention keeping you guys busy isn't always so easy ya know." You say with a small chuckle avoiding the question.

"Not saying that isn't true but it never caused you to be distracted from a meeting before. Only thing thats changed recently is (y/n) coming into your life. So stop being a bitch and avoiding the question it was her right? What you do??? Did you piss her off....again?"

Ugh you knew he wasn't going to let it go and if you couldn't talk with him then who?

"The other night at the party Brie showed up and caused some problems. Long story short me and (y/n) end up fighting about it....I said some fucked up stuff and....idk something's changed in her."

"What do you mean?"

"She's normally not one to back down...not even to me but now it's like she's lost that about her. She's just...different."

"You better watch that girl."

"Why?"

"I've known you for what seems like forever along with the rest of the guys. You've never let any woman get to you like this.....All I'm saying is you better watch it friend or you're going to end up falling for your wife."

"Whatever"

Jhope gave you a small laugh and on his way out yelled back you.

"Go apologize to your wife for being an ass!" ————————————————— (Y/N)POV

You were in the guest room trying to take your mind off of your situation but nothing was helping. Every time you tried to distract yourself you would end up replaying the fight you had had with Namjoon. You didn't know why but that fight was staying with you.

Maybe it was because you both had said some pretty harsh things.

Honestly you weren't entirely sure.

What you did know is that something had to change or you both were going to pay for it in the end.

You almost completely jumped out of your skin when you heard a knock on the bedroom door.

Opening the door you expected to see Seonhwa but to your complete surprise you actually saw Namjoon.

"Hey" was all he said.

"Hi"

"Can I talk with you?"

"Ummm yea" you say stepping aside so he could enter the room.

You watched him come in and sit on the bed. Once he had sat down he motioned next to him for you to also take a seat. Awkwardly you did.

"Sooooo what did you wanna talk about?"

"C'mon (y/n) we both know what this is about."

"Ok we'll go on" you say in the nicest way possible...you didn't want to fight anymore so you were trying to tone down the attitude.

"See this right here this is not ok."

What? He was being really confusing.

"What do you mean?"

"You're not acting like yourself.....you haven't been yourself since the night of the party."

"Im not trying to be a smart ass when I say this but Namjoon you don't really know me to say that I'm not acting like myself."

".....you're right I don't really know you. However what I do know is that you just locking yourself in the guest room isn't like you. Every time I've said something that's annoyed you or made you mad you've always had a smart ass remark and have always defended yourself. Now it seems like you're scared to even be in the room with me...like I said it's not like you."

".....I'm not scared of you....I just don't want to continuously fight with you....it's draining and honestly I don't think either one of us can keep this up for much longer...so I figured the best thing was for us to keep our distance from one another."

"You're right something has to change...but not you.....look that night I didn't handle the situation in the best way. Other things happened that night after you left that made me upset and unfortunately I took it out on you and said some pretty messed up things.....for that I'm sorry."

Did you just hear KIM NAMJOON apologize to you. You couldn't help the smile that took over your face.

"Who would have thought that Kim Namjoon was a softy." You couldn't help giving him a hard time.

To your amazement he gave you a small smile and also laughed.

"Ahhh there's the smart ass within you...I knew she was still there.....don't go tell anyone though."

"I am not a smart ass..lol don't worry though your secret is safe with me....but if we're being honest I shouldn't have kept pushing the situation all it did was escalate everything so I'm also sorry."

"We both played a part. Let's just move on from it ok?"

"Sounds good to me."

"Alright so now can you get out of the guest room."

"I can do that..."

"We have more to talk about but let's do that tomorrow for now let's get some sleep."

For the first time since you met Namjoon you finally got a little bit of hope that maybe you were going to be ok.

[gffa]

I know you love the sequels (you've said it before) but since you dont talk about it nearly as much as you do the prequles, do you mind me asking generally what you think about the sequels? Like, what you think of the characters and the ships, whether you ship anything or maybe everything, etc. Love to hear your (positive as always ofc youre great) thoughts on it and your love for sw! ❤

Hi!  Thank you for such a sweet message!  I’m definitely into some parts of Star Wars more than others, but I don’t think there’s any era that I’ve outright hated, even if I’ve had my troubles with them.I’m middling-to-frequently-pleased about the sequels!  They’re not really ever going to be the Star Wars of my heart, but I like them well enough!  Generally, I find that I like them more and more once the extended canon (novels, games, comics, etc.) starts coming out, even while the movies themselves are fairly low on my list of “favorite SW stuff”.  I do have a lot of issues with the writing not being that well-thought out at times (if we’re meant to see Holdo as a good leader, she should have realized the mutiny that was stirring under her watch, the lack of explanation about what the FO was in TFA, etc.), but my overall feelings towards the sequels are positive!For me, it comes down to:  I have spent a lot of time talking about TFA and TLJ, I’ve written a lot of meta, I’ve consumed a lot of the surrounding media, I’ve had a lot of thoughts and feelings about it!  But I don’t feel the urge to rewatch/reread much of it.  I wrote probably 15k worth of meta about TLJ overall, but I feel no urge to go pick the movie up again and see it another time, despite how thoroughly I combed through it, the novelizations, and the comic adaptations of it.  I don’t feel a driving need to seek out more understanding about the finer details of how things work, because I don’t feel that there necessarily is enough of that thought being put into it yet.In contrast, I am ALWAYS ready to go rewatch the PT and OT movies and TCW. I’m always picking up new things in the movies/tv shows themselves or just having more feelings about them!  Part of this is that those characters are my jam, but part of it is also that I think George’s overall story creation was more engaging for me, it kept me coming back to re-comb the stuff he was directly involved with, instead of always needing new material to keep my interest.This isn’t to say that I don’t love the sequels, because I very much do!  These characters are wonderful, getting to see any kind of progression (even if it’s not enough yet, I will still celebrate the steps forward we’re taking) is so meaningful to me, and I very much like a lot of the surrounding novels and games and the world they’re building.  It’s just not quite as solid-feeling to me as George’s was–though, I like to think that will change with time.  Already, TFA was made a ton better for me through the extended canon explaining what the First Order was.  Now, if we had any idea how the rest of the galaxy was dealing with the First Order (are they still outsiders coming in to take over? have they already done that? like, I don’t really get the relationship they have to the rest of the galaxy), I’d be more onboard!  If there was a stronger sense of the movies being connected to the established GFFA (see: my rant on the lack of pretty much any recognizable aliens in TLJ the movie), I’d probably feel less like they were disconnected.I definitely feel the crunch of how they can’t really do much with backstories and the spaces around the ST movies, because they’re presumably waiting for IX to finish so they don’t contradict anything.  Once we can actually know the arc of the characters’ lives (like what happened after Ben killed the Jedi apprentices and burned down the Temple? just how much was Snoke an influence in his life/when did that start? what’s Finn’s origin story or his point of view on escaping the FO? etc.) I’ll probably come around more!Rey is my favorite (I AM SUCH A JEDI NERD ♥), I want sooooo much of her interacting with pretty much EVERYONE, but especially her Jedi lineage!!  I also dearly love Finn and Rose as well, I’m hoping that they get further expanded stories once IX is out and they can really do more with their pasts and their futures, too!  I like Kylo well enough, I especially like his relationships with Luke and Leia (my faves from the OT!), and I once upon a time shipped Kylux and probably still vaguely do.  (I like my snarling villain ships sometimes. XD)  I ship Finn/Rey kind of a lot, but in a way that I’m content with whatever happens in canon happens.  I could be convinced to ship Rey/Rose and Leia/Holdo if someone did the heavy lifting for me in fic!  I’m fine with all the other ships, I hope people are having a good time with them, but they haven’t sparked an intense interest in me yet personally.After that, I’m probably most interested in the Rebels crew, I really came to care about them!  I ship Kanan/Hera as a diehard OTP but I’m content to be casual about it, Zeb/Kallus is one I get a hankering for every so often and deeply love, I’m super into Sabine/Ketsu but they’re such a quiet ship.  Ultimately, though, my heart is with Kanan’s path to finding his way back to the Jedi path and Ezra coming into his own and the difficult choices he faced and the found family aspect.I really loved Rogue One (I shipped Baze/Chirrut and Cassian/Jyn) but without deeper history on the characters (TELL ME ABOUT WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A GUARDIAN OF THE WHILLS, LUCASFILM???) or a stronger connection to the rest of the GFFA, I’m content to just remember how much I enjoyed it from afar.I loved Solo, it’s a movie that I don’t have a lot of deep investment in (maybe that will change with the novelization? those often do a lot for me) but I absolutely could watch it again!  I definitely shipped Han/Qi’ra for what it was, but they weren’t meant to be.  I like Han/Lando as a banter-filled ship along the way!  But Han/Leia is still an unbreakable ship for me.  I REALLY loved the new characters (Qi’ra and Enfys Nest especially) and all the tie-ins to the rest of the GFFA, oh MAN I want to know about Lando on Felucia or whatever happened with Beckett and Aurra Sing!  But I’m fairly low-key about that desire for more.TL;DR:  I don’t feel like the sequels have done as much to establish themselves and a fair chunk of what they did do felt like throwing the OT characters under the bus to promote their new characters (I have come around to how Star Wars is cyclical in nature, so the rise of the FO is part of the storytelling structure of SW, as well as Luke’s characterization in TLJ is built A LOT on the parts of the OT that we tend to forget about, like his impatience and anger, but there’s still a lingering bitter taste about how hard the OT worked for their happy ending and the only got to enjoy it for, what? 20 years? how I never got to see Mark Hamill as my Badass And Centered Jedi Master for more than just a couple of minutes) so they have an uphill battle with me, but that doesn’t meant they’re not doing it and that I will grow more invested as more and more connective tissue is put out in novels and comics and games.  There are many things I love about them, I’m glad to see fans who are so passionate about the things they love with them, a lot of the books and comics and games have been great, and I love the characters themselves!

[whopooh]

Play it again, Jack – fourth and final post of MFMM fics you love to reread

There is no thing as reading too many times, Dot. And of course I can read this on a public transportation if I want to! 

This post is the fourth and final of “Play it again, Jack” – posts that collect the fics we love to go back to and reread.

It has been so fun to hear about your thoughts and to put these posts together. Thank you to everyone contributing!

First I want to start with a comment from @bumblemama that fits perfectly to the spirit of this collection:

Aaaaand another thing... despite having read literally every story on ao3 with the mfmm tag, I realised I couldn't actually remember them all. So I've just gone back to the very start and am working my way through again. There are some lovely gems, and it's really cute to see requests for a season 3, or even a few 'wonder where s2 will go' comments. A good reminder of how perspectives change and stories evolve. There would be plenty that would fit into one or more of the year of tropes, but they somehow seem less consciously trope-ish, I guess because they hadn't been done in this fandom before. Anyway. No specific recommendations just the generalized advice to find page 82 (!!!!) of the fics and work forwards!

@chrismarieisme sent me several lovely recommendations I felt I couldn’t cut up and mix, so here they are all together:

This was difficult because I love so many of the fics, but here we go:

“Be still” by @flashofthefuse – very sweet glimpse of a moment between P&J the night before she leaves for England. It's exactly how I'd hope that moment would be.

“He Calls Her Beautiful” by @ladyroxie – simply exquisite.

“A Perpetual Feeling” by @missingmissfisher – so romantic! The intuitive connection between P&J.

“The Actor” by @ollyjayonline – Jack & Jane, Pride and Prejudice. What more does one need?

“Merciful Powers” by @scruggzi – Jack, tights, Shakespeare. Ngggh.

“The Wager” by @soupsouffle – fun, witty, deliciously, steamy URST.

@soupsouffle, “The Wager”. Reread by @kanste

A wager between Phryne and Jack about who gives into seduction first makes for great banter and flirting. I love how they both use every trick in the book to seduce the other. This fic has some of the best flirting/banter and some of the hottest smut scenes ever. Do I need to say more?

@omgimsarahtoo, “A Thief in the Night”. Reread by @rubycaspar

This story is just so much fun. I love the beginning, told from drunk!Phryne's POV, and then the lovely moment when Jack wakes up and finds her there in the morning. I love the characterisation of both of them in this fic, and the concept is so cute and so well-executed.

@ladyroxie, “The Sweetest Fruit”. Reread by @kanste

Can I just say I love Peach and this fic has a lot of it. It has no smut but it is sooooo sexy. I love to imagine Jack in the garden, especially on a hot day like today. The banter/feeding is just like them and turns up the heat some notches.

@jackphryne4eva, “Cafe Blend”. Reread by @omgimsarahtoo

I adore the meta nature of this fic – the story is of a female MFMM fanfic reader who needs to find a quiet place to read the latest chapter of a smutty fanfiction. Her anticipation is delicious, as is the small French cafe she finds! There's an element of all of us in how she is struggling against her impulse to hide her obsession with MFMM and its fic, and how she decides to read on, working to smother any shame she's been made to feel. It's got a million tiny moments that evoke the show, and so many spots that could be any one of the Phrack fangirls we know. I just love it!

@aljwritesphryne, “and stealing my heart...”. Reread by @rithebard

.... Sweet story. Jack takes Phryne home to escape her mean father and it is just such lovely touching story.

@evendale, “Finally”. Reread by @scruggzi

Set after “Unnatural Habits”, this was one of the first fics I read and I was fascinated by the exploration of phrack's developing relationship with a much more inexperienced depiction of Jack than in many other fics. Phryne in this is very much the teacher, ushering him into the modern world through their developing relationship. Their characters take on this nice point and counterpoint dynamic, with her representing the age of modernity and him a traditional approach that he's fairly eager to leave behind. It's mostly a very gentle story with some lovely banter and very sweet moments between the two of them and it's very much a comfort fic for me. Something I tend to re-read when I'm grumpy. Although I think I lean towards a more experienced version of Jack's character now, with its setting at the end of season two I think this one works as an interpretation and it fills me full of the happy feels whenever I go back to it.

@firesign23, “Grasping at Shadows”. Reread by @rithebard

Phryne and Jack go back to Paris after the war and are haunted by their past and have a hard time sharing it with each other. This is sweet and special because it touches on their vulnerabilities. And how their love bridges it. It is a lovely tale.

@aljwritesphryne, “A Collingwood girl for an Abbotsford Man”. Reread by @kanste

Phryne and Jack return to the footy field and it turns out very different then in the show. I love the flirting and how determined Phryne is to "win over" Jack.

There is desk sex too.......

@omgimsarahtoo, “The Power of the Feminine”. Reread by @kanste

Another series of fics. I love all the different aspects Sarah put into the fics. There is young Jack having sex for the first time and Sarah manages to make the life of the woman with whom it happens come alive. She also introduces us to all the different women who made Jack the man and lover he is today. Of course there is Phrack sexy time. She gives us a new family member whom I like very much and I hope makes a return sometimes.

What made me especially happy is the Happy End Concetta is getting after Jack. It is such a wonderful heart-warming story for a lovely minor character.

@phrynesboudoir/Sassasam, “Mirrors into Windows”. Reread by @scruggzi

This fic combines all my favourite elements of undercover phrackvestigation and resolved sexual tension. Phryne and Jack have been estranged since her return from London although Phryne doesn't know why Jack's not sought her out since she's been back. After being thrown together on a case involving slaughtered academics they renew their friendship and try to navigate a big change in Jack's life and what it means for their partnership. There are lots of lovely things I could say about this fic but basically Phryne as a professor was a kink I never knew I had and it made me spectacularly happy.

@promisesarepiecrust, “City that works” and "A Whole World in Here". Reread by @balticprincess

These are two of my special favourites. Unusual, but great!

There are three things that I love best in fics I like: Angst, Modern AU and a happy ending. And while the first two are not mandatory, I enjoy other fics as well, the last one is. As I watch only movies with happy endings, of course this goes for reading fic, too. "A Whole World in here" by @promisesarepiecrust is written as a play. Nevertheless you can suffer and rejoice with Phryne and Jack in this one. It is full of suspense and romantic. And angsty. So angsty. The epilogue is lovely AND it is M-rated, as I like it. So, an unusual one, but so good and well written.

"City that works" is a modern AU. Total AU: Jack is the free-spirited rich guy and Phryne the divorced policewoman with PTSD. It works so well, that one. Romance, suspense, will-they-won't-they, sex, love, misunderstandings, fun: all there. So, also unusual, but so worth reading!

lefaym, “Locked Rooms”. Reread by @whopooh​

I have probably read this fic more than ten times. It’s fun and lighthearted, and it captures awkwardness in such a wonderful way. Phryne is sure she is about to die in a cellar together with Jack, and she decides to kiss him, because she “had no intention of going to her grave without ravishing Jack Robinson at least once”. When they are saved by Dot and Hugh, they are found in the most compromising situation, and from this moment on the fic is all about delicious awkwardness, and Phryne not wanting to admit she feels awkward. She tries to push it away as not important but fails spectacularly. Here comes one of the funniest lines I’ve read: “Phryne was not going to be defeated by a small masturbatory lapse in judgment“. Finally, the people around her decides she needs a push in the right direction, and we meet the lovely concept of Aunt P ex machina. 

@omgimsarahtoo, “The Female Gaze”. Reread by @kanste

Why do I like that fic? Well, it has Jack in a shower (a lot). But that is not all. Every single reaction to Jack is spot on and lovely. Especially Elsie has a soft spot in my heart

YouknowmeasJ, “Before the World”. Reread by @scruggzi

I'm am absolute sucker for a fluffy reunion fic and this is one I especially like. Jack catches up with Phryne before she leaves Australia and they scheme together to get the Baron home without Phryne having to fly him because he's driving her up the wall. Some lovely funny banter, a little bit of smut and that nice 'you and me against all obstacles' aspect of their partnership really comes to the forefront.

@phrynesboudoir/Sassasam, “The Nearness of You”. Reread by @rithebard

I love pretty much everything Sassasam writes but I chose this one because it really touched my soul. Jack dies in 1929 on the way to meet Phryne and his ghost finds it attached to her home but no one can see him for years till her a new Phryne Stanley comes along. I love this story because you love Phryne's decedent and you feel so deeply for both Jack and Phryne Fisher's sadness and loneliness. Incredibly touching.

@gaslightgallows, “Creatures of Stillness”. Reread by @rithebard

Again I really love gaslightgallows's stories. But this one just really touches me. Jack becoming a merchant seaman to get to Phryne in a beard and dirty peacoat all he wanted to do was get to Phryne and she was delighted. She loves taking care of Jack and it is a very sexy story but it was what they discover about their feelings that really touches me.

@jeneenp/ CollingwoodGirl, "A Man in Need”. Reread by @kanste

This fic has so much going on. I love the PhrackAngst, how everyone works together to get our two idiots together, and the little glimpse in Jack's live. It has some of my favourite Phrack scenes in it. Phryne convincing Jack to let himself touch (in the train), Phryne being her goddess self and bathing in the forest lake and Phryne teaching Jack how to use his tongue. As a plus you have Dot in detective mode.

@olderbynow , ”Smoke and Fire”. Reread by @zannadubs23

According to my reading history it’s around five hits. I love this for a couple of reasons. It’s light and sweet, but still smoking hot. Phryne who is normally so wonderful at everything, just can’t handle the baking of the biscuits. I like that she wants to try, not because she’s goo-goo eyes for Jack (well, not only that—thought that’s clearly part of it) but because he challenges her. That’s it right there. It hits the essence of what makes them tick and lights our imaginations on fire with these idiots. He challenges her and she loves it. She challenges him and he loves it.

@ollyjayonline​, “For Fox’s Sake”. Reread by @whopooh​

This fic is such a happy place, it’s a fic that kind of sparkles with fun and companionship and teasing and love. Phryne and Jack are bailing out from a fox hunt to instead first save the fox and then ravish each other in a folly. The way they interact has such energy and at the same time lightness in it, Phryne’s teasing about Jack’s slightly higher levels of embarrassment is lovely, and it’s a delightful fic.

@omgimsarahtoo, “Romantic Overtures”. Reread by @kanste 

This is not a single fic but a whole series worth reading. I'm really, really fond of letters and Sarah writes some of the best letters out there. I love how Jack and Phryne get bolder with the letters and how in the later fics they keep up with the letters. I would love to have something like that in my relationship

Comeaftermejackrobinson, “Method in their madness” & Miss Templeton, Twelfth Night series (starting with “A Willow Cabin”). Reread by @rithebard

Reunion in England, "Method in their madness" is another favorite, so lyrical and poetic. It is really a story for romantics which I am and exploring the inner lives of our heroes. I also love Miss Templeton's Twelfth Night series on ff.net. She creates a fascinating arc in their romantic relationship while they professionally solve case after case. Also it is fun. And they both have their vulnerabilities with real understanding and though they don't say it out loud love.

DivineMissP,  "Impact" and "Pure Bliss". Reread by AnonM

Dark, well written hurt/comfort. Jack gets to be a reluctant hero without taking anything away from Phryne's strength.

@omgimsarahtoo, “The Breathings of Your Heart". Reread by @kanste

This is Sarathoo's take on the soulmate trope and one fic I've turned to many times. The concept of one soulmate is troubling but Sarah did it beautiful. I love that Phryne and Jack aren't really convinced of the concept (Jack marrying Rosie, Phryne is doing Europe) but when they need comfort turning to each other.  The picture of Phryne writing over her bruises without the ink gives me so many feelings. To balance it out, the conclusion and especially her last message made me laugh out loud.

@firesign23, “When I Sorrow Most”. Reread by @omgimsarahtoo

This is one of those stories that I go back to when I just need a moment to cry. It's short, but saturated with emotion, and just perfectly painful to read. It's like those movies you watch, knowing that they're going to tear your heart out and you're going to love every minute. It breaks my heart every single time.

@heavyheadedgal​, “Queen’s Gambit”. Reread by @whopooh​

This is only a ficlet, but I have found myself coming back to it agfain and again. Although Phryne and Jack are only playing chess in this fic, there is still so much happening and so much understanding flowing between them. I love the way they talk about themselves and their possibly developing relationship while they seem to be talking only about the game in front of them.

This was all.  Here are the earlier posts in the series: I ; II  ; III.

I hope I managed to include everything that has been sent to me -- if I missed something, please let me know and I’ll remedy it!

[littledonkeyburrito]

Some lint

1. Have you ever punched someone and broke their nose? Haven’t broken their nose but I’ve certainly hit a few in the face bc karate

2. What is the longest time you have gone without sleep? Forty-something hours without even a nap

3. Have you ever been someplace tropical? Several places

4. You see an ant on the ground, do you squish it? If it’s in my house, yes.

5. Have you ever baked a pie? I don’t think so.

6. What is your favorite social networking site? Instagram probably

7. Has anyone in your family fought in any of the wars? Dad’s dad was in WW2. Dad fought in Belfast in the 70s I think

8. Would you make any changes to your current bedroom? Yeah, I would like $100,000 to magically appear under my mattress.

9. Has a stray dog ever tried to bite you? Playfully. I stop playing with strays when they get boisterous bc rabies

10. When riding a bus, do you prefer to sit up front, down back or the middle? Middle-back generally

11. Have you ever been on a cross-country train ride? Yes, in a few places. I freaking love sleeper trains, I think they’re so fun with a group. On one of the sleeper trains I went on in China we accidentally taught the guy with the food/drink trolley the english word for beer because we bought more every time he went past.

12. Is there currently any caffeine in your system? No

13. Look around, are things organized? Yes, I keep my apartment very tidy.

14. Is there any TV show that ended that you wish hadn’t? Don’t Trust the Bitch in Apartment 23

15. Know what you’re planning to do after this? Attempt to kill time for a couple of hours until I can go to bed

16. How often do you update your Facebook status? I don’t really do statuses, just post photos from my instagram.

17. Do you even wear any jeans other than skinny anymore? All my jeans are of varying levels of skininess. From slim-fit to practically painted on.

18. Are you sensitive to caffeine? Yes. I would have a rum and coke right now but 1) I don’t have any coke, and 2) if I drank any it would take me a long time to get to sleep.

19. How do you usually get around? Walking or metro

20. Which languages do you wish you could speak fluently in? It would be nice to be fluent in spanish but if it happened magically overnight it wouldn’t be fun because I like the challenge. It would be cool to magically become fluent in arabic and/or mandarin.

21. Have you ever been accused of being too clingy? No

22. Can you speak any French? No.

23. Have you ever stayed in a hotel? Dozens. I travel a lot.

24. What is in your pocket? Some lint.

25. Is there a secret you’ve never told your parents? There are certainly some details of my life that I have omitted. Such as some experiences with sex, drugs and alcohol.  

26. Who was the last person to smoke a cigarette in your presence? People from that office I briefly worked at. Or probably more recently just random people on the street.

27. Have you ever lived with a friend? Yeah, a few.

28. What are a few of your favorite tv shows? iZombie, Brooklyn 99, Jane The Virgin, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Club De Cuervos, Parks and Rec 29. What kind of socks do you like to wear? Brightly coloured ones with wild patterns 30. Do you have your own house key, and how often do you actually use it? Whenever I need to get into my apartment. (This question must have been written by a teenager)

31. How often do you eat chocolate? Not actually that often. I don’t have as much of a sweet tooth as I did when I was younger. 32. How often do you wash dishes at your house? Every 1-3 days depending on how lazy I am.

33. How much sleep did you get last night? ~7 hours 34. When was the last time you went to a cemetery and why were you there? Last year on halloween myself and a few other drunk people from the party I was at decided to go wander around the nearby cemetery. 35. What were you doing when you heard about the attack on the twin towers? I don’t remember specifically hearing about it. I was only 7 so I wouldn’t really have cared anyway. Mostly what I remember is that they took cartoons off tv to play non-stop news for at least a week. 36. Doesn’t John Mayer suck? I have no opinions on him. 37. When was the last time you saw the sun rise? When I was in Colombia. One night in Cartagena I stayed up with a swedish and a colombian guy chatting in spanish while we watched the sun rise over the river. Then the cops came over and told us to leave.

38. What was the last picture you took? It was of my DS because I started playing pokemon in spanish and I was sending the picture to a couple of friends to say that the pokemon names are still the same in this language.

39. Are there many traffic incidents in your area? I don’t drive anymore so I don’t pay attention. 40. Have you ever been for a ride in the back of a truck? Probably at some point during travels. I’ve done a lot of weird shit 41. Are you currently downloading anything? No. 42. Does your father have any facial hair? No

43. Have you ever played golf? My mum attempted to get me into golf when I was a kid (maybe young teen?) and I absolutely hated it. It was the most infuriating game I’ve ever played.

44. What was the last tv show you watched an episode of? The Defenders 45. Do you like beer? If so, what’s your favorite brand? Beer is fine. I’m pretty used to Moritz and Estrella Damm because they are common local brands. The fucking worst beer is Balboa in Panama. God it was so awful. Also not a fan of San Miguel which is common across all of spain. 46. Do you feel bad when you throw food out? Yes 47. When was the last time you waxed anything on your body, if ever? I’ve never waxed. I just shave. 48. What’s your favorite fast food place? I don’t have one. I don’t really eat takeout here. 49. When was the last time you went out for a meal? A few weeks ago. 50. Have you ever been in a car accident? A few minor ones but not while I’ve been driving. 51. What colour shirt are you wearing right now? Navy blue

52. Have you ever had a bonfire on the beach? Y’know I actually don’t think I have... I should get on that.

53. Are you skilled when it comes to working in the kitchen? I don’t burn anything. That’s a skill, right?

54. When was the last time you went to a campground? That would have been back in April, camping in the Sahara Desert.

55. Do you listen to music while driving? Yes, and I sing along Very Loudly.

56. When was the last time you hung out with people younger than you? I have absolutely no idea. 

57. What is the closest blue object to you? Box of tissues on the coffee table.

58. How much did you spend on your last shopping trip? Probably about 25 euros at the grocery store

59. Have you ever gone over your cell phone plan by accident? I used to go over my data limit pretty regularly at my old job.

60. Can you honestly say you’ve been drunk before? Very, and many times. (this question must have been written by a teen)

61. Where did you get your last bruise from? Probably that mystery bruise I got in my armpit in central america. I’m pretty sure I got roofied that night so I don’t remember anything at all but I am still sooooo curious how I got that bruise. Nobody I was with knew how it happened either but then again they were all pretty trashed anyway so even if they saw they might not remember.

62. Are you a person that likes to take chances? Depends. Sometimes I take calculated risks.

63. Would you consider your life to be great right now? Right now it’s pretty mediocre but a month ago it was freaking awesome.

64. Do you remember the dream you had last night? Not exactly but I think it involved me getting tattoos on my arm

65. Do you get emotional easily? I don’t really have emotions tbh

66. Do you get obnoxious when you’re drunk? Nah, I get fun when I’m drunk

67. Who was the first person to ever give you flowers? I’m not sure anybody has ever given me flowers.

68. What was the last thing you heated up in your microwave? Chicken and veggies to go with my baked potato the other day

69. Were you born somewhere other than a hospital? No.

70. What was the last flavor of ice cream you had? Mango. It was homemade by a woman in Comuna 13 in Colombia 71. When you go out drinking, what do you prefer to drink? Beer or rum and coke 72. Is there a trash can near you? Yeah

73. When and where was the last time you took a picture of yourself? I think I took a selfie in my kitchen a few days ago 74. When was the last time you stayed up throughout the entire night? Cartagena, Colombia. ~8 weeks ago. But I stayed up until 2 or 3am a few times after that.

75. Have you ever considered a foreign-exchange program? No, I just fucked off overseas on my own accord.

76. Are sex and sexual activities something you enjoy? Yep 77. What’s an interesting fact about the state in which you were born? I know literally nothing about the region I was born in.

78. What’s one aspect of your life that did not turn out as you expected? Well I definitely didn’t expect to learn spanish 79. Is there a subject about which you know a great deal? Probably, but nothing immediately comes to mind 80. What was the last thing that you put off doing? I should probably vacuum and mop my apartment 81. What did you do instead of that activity? Anything else.

Before and after: 3 years ago, today

82. What size is the last bed you kissed on?  - Double.  - A single bed in a twin room in a hotel. Tbh I probably could have swapped to a double room but at that point I didn’t realise he’d be staying with me

83. When was the last time you were sick? - I got the flu pretty bad in 2013. Probably should have gone to hospital but instead I only took 2 days off work. - I had a mild cold when I got home from my last trip. 84. Do you have any summer plans yet? - I ditched summer in favour of going skiing in Japan - Summer just ended. I don’t know whether my next summer will be here next June/July, or back in Aus in January. Will depend on whether I find a job 85. When was the last time you shaved your legs? - Probably within 2 weeks - Earlier today 86. Is there someone you wish you were closer with? - I think I had just started developing a crush on a guy that I later dated briefly and then he cheated on me, lied about it and broke up with me by facebook message while I was on holiday overseas. So, not the best idea really. - I’m all g. 87. Do you tend to waste a lot of money? - I made 1 or 2 poor decisions with money but I was earning enough to cover my ass. - It’s not a waste when it’s something I actively want to spend the money on. 88. What did you last drink? - Probably pepsi - Orange juice 89. Have you ever received an injury from a hook up? - Uhhh no? - Not unless that’s how I got that mystery bruise in my armpit. 90. Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? - Yes - Yes, the same ones 91. When was the last time you had a crowd at your house? - Probably around this time 3 years ago was my housewarming - I have never had more than 2 people visit this apartment at a time. Last time I had a crowd would have been my moving out party (from the place I just moved into 3 years ago) which was a bit over a year ago.

92. How many cell phones have you had? - 5 - 7, if you include the work phone I had 93. Where do you get all your clothes? - JayJays - H&M, C&A, Mango etc 94. Have you ever regretted kissing someone? - Nah - Nah 95. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket? - No. - I got one just under 3 years ago 96. Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? - Alone - Depends. Sometimes I wouldn’t mind having someone here 97. Do you think age matters in relationships? - To an extent - Not really 98. Have you ever lived with a girlfriend/boyfriend? - No. - No 99. When will your next kiss be? - Probably the next party I went to. I made out with a lot of people that year - No idea 100. Add up all the digits of your cell phone number. What do you get? - 40 - 50 101. When you lost your virginity, do you honestly feel like you were ready? - I didn’t regret it but I probably wasn’t emotionally ready for it. - Same as above I guess. You only lose it once.

102. Was the person you lost your virginity to younger or older than you? - Older. - ^^

103. Were you sexually experienced whatsoever when you lost your virginity? - Not at all - ^^

104. Have you had sex with more than one person? - Yes - Yes by a larger amount

105. Have you ever had sex with the lights on? - Yes. - Yes

106. Have you ever had sex on a floor? - No - Yes

107. When is the last time you had sex? - Probably like at least 6 months before - About a month ago (can’t believe my trip ended so long ago)

108. Do you care for that person? - Eh - I guess

109. Is this your boyfriend or girlfriend? - No - No

110. The first time you got drunk, how old were you? - 16 - ^^

111. Where were you located the first time you got drunk? - The afterparty of my highschool formal. It was in the backyard of a girl in my grade - ^^

[anexperimentallife]

Going through some of my older work, and started re-reading the first story I ever sold...

There are some embarrassing things about it (the obligatory cishet romance is unnecessary and comes off forced, for one thing, and I tied things up into much too neat of a package at the end, plus there are some other aspects I think I need to redo), but overall it reminds me that yeah, although I need to up my game, I DO have chops. I can do this. This isn’t bad at all, IMHO, but I can do SOOOOO much better now. If you want the entire anthology it’s in, grab yourself a copy of The Crimson Pact Volume 2. (It’s also available at Amazon and so on, but when you buy directly from the publisher, you get all formats, DRM-free--whether you buy the hardcopy or just the ebook version--and I get a bigger royalty cut.)

And I am going to do better. Now that I have  the rights back, I am going to rewrite the fuck out of this,,especially now that I have better ideas about how to fit it into my revised Quiet World setting.

I’ve posted a little of the beginning before, but here’s a much bigger chunk:

Karma (story excerpt)

by D. Robert Hamm

We hit the interstate like an unguided missile. Needles of frozen rain and jagged blades of wind beat my face numb and turned what was left of my dress into a full-body ice-pack. Even with the heater on ‘incinerate,’ I couldn’t stop shivering, but the outside air was all that kept me from gagging on the smell of my own puke and the rusty stench of blood, so the window stayed down. Between the black pavement and blacker sky, the air was wet and gray. It sucked the vitality from my headlights well before their natural time, but that was okay. I wasn’t paying much attention to the little they revealed anyway.

The man in the passenger’s seat either didn’t feel the cold or was too stoic to show discomfort. The dashboard glow turned his short white beard to green and deepened the age lines in his face. Gods, I’d loved that face growing up. It was my grandfather’s face. But right then, I could barely look at it, because this wasn’t my grandfather, just a sad, confused spirit wearing his body. And even though he was one of the good guys, that didn’t mean it was easy to take.

“You’re going to catch cold,” Not-Grandpa shouted over the storm.

“I’m . . . what?”

Since last night I’d been shot at, whipped, and electrocuted. I’d watched a good man beheaded and disemboweled before my eyes, and learned things about myself, my family, and especially my past, that had already driven other people into padded-room territory. I was marinated in a vile concoction of blood and various other body fluids, quite a bit of it my own, and had spent the last however-many hours fighting horrors that should never have existed. In the middle of all that—because I’m an overachiever—I took time out to kill a man I loved.

And this guy was worried that I’d catch a fucking cold?

Once I started laughing, I couldn’t stop. The kind of deep, full-body laughter that doubles you over and makes your stomach muscles ache for days afterward. The kind that shreds the lining of your throat and rises in pitch to rapid staccato squeaks, like sneakers on a hardwood floor. I held back the worst long enough to wrestle the car onto the shoulder, then let go. The laughter turned to howling, the howling into screams, the screams into sobs, and the sobs into a quiet whimper that finally, gods finally, tapered off, and I could breathe again, in great, ragged gulps. I wiped away a rope of snot hanging from my nose and sat hunched over with my eyes closed and my forehead against the steering wheel, shaking, while the rain pummeled my back with tiny, ice-cold fists.

In shock? Probably. Hysterical? Definitely. Look, I make sandwiches at my family’s restaurant for a living, okay? Sandwiches.

Not-Grandpa waited until I quieted down before speaking. “I’m sorry,” he said. It was the dozenth or so time he’d said it. The line of his mouth stayed hard, but his eyes and his voice were soft and broken. I believed him. Had to believe him.

“I know.” I didn’t mean for it to sound bitter. He’d saved my life after all, and he deserved better than that. I just didn’t know if I could forgive him for not being who I wanted him to be.

* * * * *

A little too “in media res” for you? Yeah, me too.

So here are the vitals: My name is Karma Miranda Rodriguez. I’m twenty-three years old, five foot six, with brown eyes, light brown skin, and dark brown hair that I keep boy-short. I claim to be a size five, and I dare you to say otherwise. I like strawberry daiquiris, support equal rights for supernaturals, am indifferent toward long walks on the beach, and . . .

And oh, yeah—Apparently, I kill demons.

* * * * *

Eli’s Borderland Station, my family’s restaurant, has been the only twenty-four hour eatery on the Kansas City Plaza since back before the Jasonites outed the supernatural community (aka, “The Quiet World”) and we had to coin the term ‘daylighter’ to differentiate plain vanilla humans from those touched by the paranormal. During the riots that followed the Jasonites’ little party, and all through the Apocalypse Wars, my Grandpa Eli and Uncle Garston kept the restaurant open as a free kitchen-slash-aid-station for refugees and emergency workers, and turned the upstairs apartment—which is mine, now—into a de facto headquarters for various peacekeeping forces.

So alongside our Absolutely Killer Turkey Sandwich (made from, according to the menu, genuine killer turkeys), we serve up a mean side-order of history. Obviously, a lot of things have changed since the AWs; for instance, the Plaza, always an upscale shopping district, is now a level four Private Patrol Zone with the best law enforcement money can buy. As you’d expect, our main business is well-heeled shoppers whose sidearms are more fashion statement than personal defense, but we try to keep prices reasonable enough for the average college student, too.

No amount of money will buy you a table or a bar stool in our VIP lounge, though, even if every other seat in the house is taken. The lounge is permanently reserved for veterans, proxies, bounty hunters, elites, and so on. It’s where people with code names like Halloween Jack, Lucy D.T., HalluciNathan, and so on come to catch up with one another, trade information, or just relax. Grandpa and Uncle Garston are technically civilians now, but a lot of the VIPs still use their call signs from way back when, so if someone in armored leathers with notched weapons and a stare that looks like they’re counting the ways they could kill you with one finger says they’re going to see The General and Body Mass, they’re not talking about some secret mission, it just means they’re headed our way for the lunch special.

On Tuesday nights we lock up for a few hours of uninterrupted cleaning with my special patented Karma Rodriguez closing procedure. This involves, among other things, lots of dancing around with brooms and mops, and other Weapons of Mess-Destruction, and me in a casual dress singing along with loud music at the top of my lungs. It’s effective. The more I can make work feel like play, the faster and more efficiently I get things done, and as proof of that, what used to take three people on Tuesday nights now requires only two.

At thirty seconds to zero-dark-thirty on a drizzly February evening, when my grime-fighting partner Jayden and I were the only ones left in the restaurant, I locked the front door and hit the music. My mix for the night was weighted heavily in favor of pre-Apocalypse rock—music that was old before I was born. It was a minor tragedy when it cut off about ten minutes into the shift, right in the middle of David Bowie’s Rebel, Rebel. Jayden and I both trailed off a cappella.

“I didn’t hear you singing if you didn’t hear me,” Jayden said. “We stick together, and nobody can prove anything.” He fixed me with what would have been a deadpan stare if not for that quirk at one corner of his mouth that I thought of as his, ‘our little secret’ smile.

I put on my best film noir ‘tough dame’ voice. “It’s always secrets with you, isn’t it? Fine, I’ll play your game.” Staying in character, I headed upstairs with an over-the-top hip-swaying sashay, to reboot the router while Jayden kept cleaning.

I can’t be objective about Jayden, so I won’t try. He was one of a kind. Literally. Part Aosidhe, part Graealfinsidhe, and part daylighter, Jayden was a medical miracle, and he got the best from each branch of his ancestry. Six and a half feet of lean muscle, flawless skin, hair like pale gold silk, and . . . you get the idea. His ears were only slightly pointed, and with his hair down, he could pass for an exceptionally pretty daylighter, if not for his eyes. Whiteless, and bright turquoise in color. They suited him.

And yeah, I know. If only I wasn’t his  boss. Jayden had something of a ‘mystery man’ air about him that only added to his status as local lust-object. Among other things, the way he dressed like a wastelander (only cleaner) but acted like a gentleman fueled speculation. He kept his past and his private life just that, though—past, and private. It was like the world was in love with Jayden, but Jayden wasn’t sure how he felt about the world and didn’t want to lead it on.

When I got back from confirming that the router was indeed fried, those exotic eyes of his were fixed on the big screen in the main dining area. I came up behind him and stopped, gaping. “What the . . . ?”

Just north of us, people were fighting in the streets and looting, while Rushville—Jayden’s neighborhood—burned.

“Short version?” Jayden said without turning around, “They busted the wrong guy for the Taylor murders, so they released him. He lasted a whole three hours.”

“They didn’t give him police protection?”

“He was under police protection when it happened. Now everybody has a conspiracy theory, and apparently with every conspiracy theory this week, you get a free Molotov cocktail kit. Speaking of which . . . ” He rewound a few seconds and paused on a burning apartment building that I recognized as his. “Great firebomb, huh?”

“Wow. I’m sorry.” I put my hand on his shoulder. “Are you okay?”

He shrugged, his back still to me. “I carry everything really important with me.”

“You want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“Want me to leave you alone?”

He paused, as if considering. “No.”

“Okay. But know what? Fuck cleaning. Help me get the trash out, then haul your duffel bag upstairs. You’re staying at my place tonight.”

Jayden turned and looked at me as though I were speaking Swahili. “Your place?”

“You just lost your apartment to a xenophobic asshole with a fire fetish, and you need crash space. Friends do that kind of stuff for each other.”

That earned me a confused look. “No, I just . . . Yeah, that’d be great. Thanks.” He seemed utterly bewildered. So much for his famed stoicism and unflappability. Ah, Jayden. Such a strange, strange boy. I ran up to get my coat and pull on a pair of jeans under my dress, and Jayden and I dragged the first can out into the alley.

I remember the air tasted of cold grease and wet pavement. I remember the electric buzz of the street lamp, and the way its dirty light turned the drizzle into sparse gray streaks like anime rain. I remember the exact cadence of the trash can’s scraping and banging as we dragged it toward the dumpster. How screwed up do things have to get before taking out the trash is a fond memory worth replaying in your head?

We didn’t hear the patrol team until they entered the mouth of the alley, running hard toward us, shouting at us to get inside. The woman’s name was Lawson. She’d lost her helmet, and a sheen of blood covered the left side of her face. Her partner, Hall, had a crack running down the side of his faceplate, and his body armor was shredded in places. They both carried their weapons at the ready, scanning the roofline as they ran.

Before they’d even finished their warning, a clot of shadow and sickening angles detached from the rest of the dark. The Kasu-Hurun slaughter-spider—How did I know that?—dropped from the roof and—The Kasu-Hurun and the bad people are making us walk a long way again. I don’t say how tired I am because I am almost eight years old, and that means I’m a big girl, and because it would make Mommy feel bad that she can’t carry me that far. Mommy and me are in our nightgowns because we were asleep when they—Where were these images coming from?—landed in the alley behind them. It was an impossible thing, eight or nine feet tall, all mottled ochre-and-black chitin, with eight spiked and bladed spiderlike legs from which it took its name, serrated mandibles beneath great protruding compound eyes, and short, thick, writhing tentacles suspended from the underside of a bulbous, misshapen central body.

I shouted my own warning, but Hall was already emptying his magazine at the thing as he backed toward us. Lawson either tripped or dove in our direction, twisting in mid-air to land on her back. She raised her shotgun, and—grabbed us, and it was really late because both moons were out, but they let us put on our boots before they made us start walking. Mommy tried to fight them and she shot one of them but they beat her up and cut her cheek really bad. But she is still the prettiest lady in the whole wide world. It was real people, not Kasu-Hurun, but they don’t act like real people. Mommy says they have bad things inside them called Qlippoth. I think they are telling the Kasu-Hurun what—made it roar as she hit the pavement.

The monster’s cry was like a foghorn made of cats and feedback, a spike that shoved through both eardrums. Lawson had hurt it, taken out one leg, in fact, but it wasn’t enough, and Hall’s automatic gunfire cut off with a sickening, meat cleaver sound as the spider sliced through his neck. Hall’s head flew from his shoulders and bounced against the alley wall while the spider eviscerated his body before it could hit the ground, as if he weren’t–to do. A man tried to run away today, but they caught him, and instead of shooting him a Kasu-Hurun stuck one of its sharp arm/leg things in him and cut him open and played with his insides until he stopped screaming, and I cried, but I won’t cry anymore, because I’m a big girl, and—dead enough already. Even as far back as Jayden and I stood, hot, sticky wetness splattered our faces.

The monster tried to leap toward us, but its missing leg threw it off balance. Lawson’s shotgun was out of ammo, so she fumbled out her .45 and taunted the slaughter-spider while edging toward the side of the alley opposite the door. Sacrificing herself—big girls don’t cry. The demons usually kill everybody, but now they only kill people who try to run away or stop walking before they tell us to stop or people who fall down and can’t walk anymore, but sometimes when somebody falls down they let somebody else make a travois, which is a kind of sled thing that you drag—to give us a chance to get away. My gun was in my purse inside, but even if I’d had it on me, I couldn’t loosen my grip on the trash can, let alone force myself to move.

I caught Jayden’s eye. I’d never before realized–when I feel like crying I think about Daddy. Daddy is a general, which is a kind of soldier who tells other soldiers what to do. He is a long way away fighting other Kasu-Hurun, but when he comes to save us, the Kasu-Hurun and the bad people are going to be sorry. I am going to be a soldier like Daddy when I grow up and—how much he and I communicated without speaking, but with that look, I knew we’d done the same math. One of us might—just might—make it to the door. If we left the other one to die along with Lawson.

Fuck that.

Once I’d made the decision, the tension drained from my body—I am nine years old, and I have been in the prison camp for a over a year. They tell me it is time for the laboratory again, but if I pick someone else to go, they will leave me alone today. If I choose my mother to go they will leave me alone for a month. They seem surprised when my answer is to hold out my wrists for the cuffs. I am the daughter of a general and a hero. I do not run, or let others take my pain. And no matter what they do to me, I won’t let them see how scared I am—the way the fear had, sublimating into the night and leaving me perfectly relaxed. Jayden gave me that ‘our little secret’ smile, and I knew he got it. He understood. Not just what I was about to do, but why.

When anything you do will end in death, make your final act one of defiance.

And so it was that we, about to die, in the most futile and ridiculous gesture in the history of futile and ridiculous gestures, screamed our defiance in the face of death, and charged the monster that would surely kill us.

With a fucking trash can.

We slammed into the slaughter-spider and fell hard, with the trash can bouncing between those giant legs and spilling its slippery contents out onto the already-slick blacktop. The slaughter-spider screamed at the impact, even louder than when Lawson had shot it, and nearly toppled. A serrated leg missed me by inches, and I rolled away, but I’d only be able to dodge for so long. My only regrets were that since I hadn’t properly prepared this body, I would die along with it—again, where the hell did that thought come from?—and that so many things would go unsaid between me and those I cared about. Including Jayden, if I was being honest.

Something hard in my coat pocket bit into my side as I rolled. I’d forgotten about the taser I almost always took with me when I left the restaurant. Even if it was still charged, it wasn’t salvation, but at this point salvation wasn’t an option. Victory was what mattered, and victory was nothing more nor less than continuing to fight until the inevitable happened. I pulled out the taser, flipped off the safety, and sent 50,000 volts into the center of that mass of tentacles, along with all the fury I could muster. The slaughter-spider jerked momentarily, and Lawson took advantage to pick up a piece of steel rebar from the junk pile in the alley and plunge it glove-deep into one of the slaughter-spider’s faceted eyes. Jayden followed with a sharp piece of broken two-by-four into the other.

And as though someone had flipped a switch marked ‘alive/dead,’ the slaughter-spider fell . . . in slow motion, like those television broadcasts of building demolitions. After one final spasm, it was still, and the alley was silent for several seconds except for the buzz of the streetlight. After barely long enough to begin to accept that we weren’t dead, answering cries to the spider’s death scream split the night.

We staggered inside the restaurant as the first new creature hit the pavement, and got the bars across the door just before another slammed against it. I slapped my palm against the ward sigil and spoke the syllables to activate it, then ran to the front and did the same there. After grabbing my gun and other weapons from upstairs and activating still more wards, I hit the ‘dim all’ switch and met up with the others in the kitchen. Lawson used a cabinet as cover, her shotgun aimed at the door, and Jayden . . .

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

I’d been gone perhaps two minutes, but when I returned, Jayden stood transformed, a grim-faced cross between a modern wastelander and a wild warrior from legend, in a combination of armored biker leathers and Fay armor. The hilts of two matching blades extended over his shoulders, and his jacket sleeves were pushed up to reveal Sidhe archery gauntlets—the real kind, not the department store knockoffs. Other weapons clung to various parts of his body, strategically placed so as not to impede movement—blades, throwing disks, bolas, and quivers and bandoliers of bolts and arrows for the quick-load mini-crossbow in his hand and the compound bow housed in a slender case across his back. He shrugged bashfully—Jayden? Bashful?—when he caught me staring. So this was what he meant when he said he carried everything important with him.

The booming of another hit on the door jerked my attention away from Jayden. After a few more tries, though, the spiders seemed to realize that it was futile, and ceased their efforts.

Now that we had stopped racing time, time slowed to let us catch up. Whether from the endorphin rush or something else, I felt disconnected, an observer watching from inside myself. In the dimness, Lawson and Jayden were pale, oh so pale, and heartbreakingly beautiful against the gray and charcoal shadows. I stood with chest heaving alongside them, seeing and feeling and hearing everything as though for the first time, in love with it all. Because we, who moments before had been dead, were alive and more than alive, were filled with life until we could burst from the pressure as it strained against the insignificant scraps of skin and flesh that could barely contain it.

A single glossy drop of blood formed at the tip of Lawson’s finger, creating itself until it was real enough to float downward and finally join its comrades who had already emigrated to the floor to form a puddle, and Lawson was falling, falling, falling behind it as if to join the puddle herself.

I shook out of my trance barely in time to help Jayden take Lawson’s weight. She was conscious, but weak. “It’s okay,” I told her, “We’re going to get you taken care of. Did you call for backup?” Lawson shook her head weakly, closed her eyes, and made a sound between a chuckle and a sob. “Nobody left to call. Even if the radio worked, nobody left to . . . ” she trailed off and seemed to fold in on herself. I’d seen what that thing did to Hall. I didn’t need her to tell me what had happened to the rest of her squad.

[phoneboothcapn]

10 Facts: A Look in the Mirror

Four years ago, according to the "On This Day" section on Facebook, I was tagged and asked to give 10 facts about myself, and I evidently used it to dig pretty deep into myself. I've done so much growing in the last year or so, I was surprised to see that this four year old list was very insightful, well-thought-out, and mature. I decided to do an updated version of that list, just for myself and whoever's interested. Some of the facts on the original list are outdated and would probably be too uncomfortable for other people in my life to make public again. I have no problem being open about myself, but that list contains information and ideas about another person who is not involved in my life the same way as back then, and to open that chapter of my life up again in a public forum would probably be a bad idea. Just take my word for it that this new list is based on the original.

1. I have known how to play the drums since I was 9 years old. It's a skill and a passion that I unfortunately have let stagnate for a few years now, but I'm ready to jump back into it.

2. My favorite movie is Clerks, because it reminds me that the only thing stopping you from living the life you want, is you. Both in the movie itself and in its production, this message is made crystal clear. Dante Hicks is a character who makes every excuse in the book as to why he can't be happy, only to realize by the end that HE has to get out of his own way. And director Kevin Smith used his own money and resources to shoot the movie, the smallest budget imaginable, only to have it go on to be a huge cult classic.

3. I may pick on music genres such as country or pop, but I have yet to find a genre of music that does not contain at least ONE artist that I love. I've mostly been a metalhead up until now, but recently I've rediscovered my love for classic rock.

4. I have a Bachelor's Degree in Film Studies, and despite all of the hard work to get it, I'm no longer confident that it's going to be my actual career path. I know I want to be involved in the arts somehow, but film is starting to take a backseat to other ideas, at least at the moment.

5. Coming off the last fact, I love studying entertainment/the arts. Film, TV, music, literature...it's all art, and it's the best way humans have to convey ideas about life and existence. That's why I love the arts. It's not because of any illusions about fame or money. I just have a love for people telling their stories, in any medium. It's what I live for. It bothers me when people say “It’s just a movie/show/song”. It’s a window into someone else’s worldview, and to me, there is nothing more valuable. Even if it’s bad or stupid, someone, somewhere, worked hard to get it made, and that deserves respect no matter what.

6. I tend to think more in a "bigger picture" sort of way. It's great because I'm always questioning the world around me and it causes me to discover new perspectives constantly. I'm not a "nuts-and-bolts" kind of person. It's not easy for me to pay attention to the little details, and in some cases, that can lead to trouble. Sometimes major issues can develop out of it. But I find living as a free thinker to be worth it.

7. I live with depression, and it manifests itself as a voice in my head that is constantly trying to get me to assume the worst outcome in any situation. In the past, it's convinced me that I'm annoying, that people only hang out with me out of pity, and that I don't deserve love or happiness. These are thoughts I still have to fight every day. The difference now is, I've been down this road enough to know it's not true. Even if some days I'm weak enough to give in to it, it never lasts very long anymore.

8. I've come to terms with being an introvert. I always thought I had to force myself to socialize because that's what a normal person does, but now I realize I don't have to, and it makes my social interactions better, ironically, because I only socialize when I want to. It hasn't gained me a huge number of friends, but it's given me the right friends.

9. Sometimes, my depression convinces me that I'm better off going it alone. What pulls me out of that are my friends and family. After spending time with the people I love, the notion of "going it alone" seems remarkably silly. It's when I'm by myself that it's easy to feel like the best way is not letting anybody in. But all it takes is one day with the right people to turn that around.

10. I've been single for over three and a half years. I thought I had come to terms with it a while ago, but still I found myself pushing away even the slimmest chance of getting involved with someone. So after a while I realized I still have growing to do, and I don't feel like I'm done with that aspect. This last year has brought with it some incredible revelations, and although I certainly feel MILES ahead of where I was when I wrote out this list four years ago, my issue right now, ironically, is living in the moment. In the past, I thought to better myself in order to get to the next great point in my life; to meet the next “special someone”, or to be perceived in a more positive way by others. Now I know I have to do it for me, so I can simply enjoy living, and not constantly be waiting for that next big thing.

So, that's my list. If it's too personal for you, I'm sorry. But I felt inspired to write this because seeing what I wrote all those years ago made me more aware of my progress. I see no reason to hide it. I enjoy living a life of love where I can just be an open book to people. That's how we truly learn about each other. Hell, even with these ten, I still feel like there's more I could say, but this is already really fucking long. Sooooo yeah. Make your own list if you feel like it! It feels good!

[mrsmyranda-blog]

People I'm Jealous of.....

On the spectrum of jealously I wouldn't put me at one extreme or the other. I certainly wouldn't turn down the fortune some people have stumbled upon, but I also know I've been pretty blessed so far in life.

But sometimes, jealously rears its ugly head in unexpected circumstances. Here's a brief listing of the type of people I'm jealous of.

Disclaimer: I in no way, dislike these people - in fact if they'd care to share insights on how to achieve what makes me green with envy I'd be happy to repay them. Likely with wine because I'm usually pretty stocked up.

1. People who meal prep.

How?! How do you decide weeks, hours, even minutes before you're forced to feed the screaming small people what you're having. I consider myself a PLANNER. Probably to the point of annoyance with some people in my life (ahem, co-workers). But meal prep is not my strength. It's not even on the radar of things I'm bad at, because I'm beyond bad at it.

This summer my sister invited me to come along to one of those parties where they provide you all the ingredients in a box to prep 10 meals. Genius. But I'm the person who made the meals and then threw them at the bottom of my deep freeze where I'll like throw them out in 15 years when the thing dies. God bless those of you who plan out healthy, hearty meals for your families. So far mine are still doing ok surviving on cereal at least a couple nights a week.

2. People who wake up looking great.

I realize this crowd is probably slimmer than imagined. But I've seen some of you moms at school drop offs - you're face exudes the "I woke up like this look". That's the look I'm usually going for as well, but I'm getting up at 4:45 to be only semi-successful. The days where I decide to go for a more "natural" look, all I hear all day is people inquiring if I'm tired. Word for the wise: my children literally sleep in shifts, there is NEVER a single moment in my home where someone is not stirring, screaming, or climbing counters to get himself a banana. So looking tired is probably my go to look for the next 20 years.

3. People who love to excersise.

I want to be this person. I want to be this person SOOOOO bad. But again - not me. I've gotten on the yoga train - but let's be honest- I mainly choose the restorative classes where they let you lie down and massage your face and we all know why I'm really there. I've tried to force the excersise habit. I actually was determined that by the time I turned 30 I would run a half marathon (and had decided that if I didn't I would order one of those 13.1 stickers off Amazon so people think I did). I got new shoes, I downloaded the running app that reminded me how slow I was every 5 minutes, I was committed. Then I went to visit my sister one weekend, stepped in dog poop with my running shoes, and I've never taken them back out of the target bag I tied them up in to drive home. I'll be researching the sticker shortly.

4. Moms that love to take their kids out and actually do things!!!!!

This credit goes to my bestie, Renee. First of alll, she's a saint, but second of all the girl does not let anything slow her down. She's one of those moms at the park, at the library, doing the apple picking festival. I get exhausted just scrolling through her news feed! I hope as the kids continue to get older these outings become less likely to implode upon themselves, but for now we're kind of hermits and we'll roll with it.

5. People who have taught their children grace and proper social behavior.

If you remember WAY back to one of my early blog posts I made mention of a few things in relation to my dear sweet Colby. (He no longer pees in my pantry - mom win!!!!!!) but he still is my child that makes me put my hands over my eyes and just go ohhhhhh Colby. A few examples to share with you: Colby does now wear clothes (sometimes) but he's very particular. He only likes clothes that he deems make him fast. If we put him in a shirt without a lightinening strike, or a fast runner on it - he's convinced he's now been cursed to move at turtle speed throughout the day. And pants- no pants allowed, only shorts. Pants make him slow - I assume it's something to do with the air/friction aspect.

We're still trying to enforce acceptable social behavior for our dear 4 year old - his biting has decreased! Hasn't been sent to the principals office one yet this year. Now we are working on not having to get completely undressed to go to the bathroom, and if you feel it's a non- negotiable - just stick your HEAD out to ask for help from your teacher - don't just come on out asking for assistance in getting those boxers back on

And finally - remember that little lie I used to tell Colby to try and deter him from "rearranging" himself constantly? It caught up with me.

The first week of school we received an email from his amused teacher who told her, with a look of pure seriousness..... "my mom says if you play with your wiener, it falls off". Insert mortified mom. Whenever I share this people always ask In between laughter, do you actually tell him that? And I think my blog post from years ago just reaffirms that yes, yes I do. Again - just trying to reinforce acceptable social behaviors.

So to all you people out there that I'm jealous of - please consider it a form of flattery. I wish I could get my crap together to do one of these things - but so far I'm still just aiming for boys whose wieners don't fall off.

Until next time ❤️❤️❤️

Thanks for all the love and support I got on my last post. I plan to continue to keep everyone involved as journey through recovery. I know it's a lifelong process and the support from those near and far makes it seem a little less daunting. Much love.