#I’m sorry the fact NONE of these are Taylor Swift is insane to me

[ladyylesbian]

Put your music library on shuffle, then list the first five songs that come up in a poll to let people vote for which one they like the most.

tagged by @shrrpteeth 🫶

No pressure tags: @tothestarsinvelaris @haeva @lavendarneverlands @archerons-elain @youreatotalposer @yelenaslyubov

[jewishbarbies]

The fact that Swifties suddenly decided they love Tom H again after years of mocking and insults was driving me insane until I stumbled on a video that made me realize that they've decided for whatever reason that Midnight Rain is about him. Considering the song has a part that says "I broke his heart 'cause he was nice / he was sunshine, I was midnight rain" I guess they assumed he got the Royal Forgiveness from their leader herself and this is why they went from fantasy stories about how he must have a small d*** (no joking) because "Taylor has steamy songs about Joe but none about him so that must mean he was terrible in bad" (again, no joking, I've seen a whole discussion about this in a video + the comments of said video) and how he was a gold digger/famewhore to the fantasy version that he's going to dump his wife and kid for her because they were perfect and of course he still loves her.

I swear I'm losing a new braincell everytime I add a piece of reason behind their crazy reconstruction of events, especially being convinced as I am that 95% of what she claims happened is a straight up lie. I've learned from personal experience that if someone talks about their life as if everything that ever happened to them was Oscar-nominated movie material the reason is that most of what they say isn't true at all.

I’m sorry. THE TOM FUCKING HIDDLESTON. of loki avengers tumblr sexyman fame. dated…….taylor swift for clout?? WHY WOULD SHE HAVE STEAMY SONGS ABOUT HIM THEY DATED FOR LIKE 3 MONTHS. I’m gonna actually get an ulcer.

[aceduchessdragoness]

This was originally uploaded on tiktok by its_.sam.03 on Dec12,2023.

TikTok here vvv

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[id: video transcript – grammar/punctuation by me

snippit from the video its_.sam.03 is using to talk about Taylor Swift: […]- that if Tayolor Swift posted something that was pro-Palestine, the west would fall within the hour […]

If you follow me you’ll know that I’m a pretty big Swifty: I listen to all of Taylor Swift’s music, that I really love and really appreciate her lyricism and everything, I attended the eras tour – I know all about her, all of that kind of stuff, okay?

I 100% agree with the fact that Taylor Swift being silent on the literal genocide that’s happening right now in Palestine is absolutely atrocious, and that it needs to be spoken on, and that we can’t just give her an excuse of “oh, she doesn’t have to talk about it because she’s Taylor Swift.” We have to remember that at the end of the day she’s a person, she’s not some perfect idol, she has faults �� she has flaws. And one of them is the fact that she never speaks up for people of color, and one of the criticisms of Taylor Swift, that I definitely agree with, is that she is a white feminist. We all know that. And it is okay to appreciate an artist’s music, even appreciate the personal values of an artist, but you have to understand that her not speaking on something this big is an issue!

The Weekend donated over $2 million to Gaza, Hozier has been posting non-stop on his account, on his stories about what’s happening in Palestine. Countless other celebrities have spoke up. And before anyone says “oh, well none of them have as big of a reach as Taylor Swift,” I do agree that she is a huge voice and a huge influence, and just a few months ago when she had posted about registering to vote and thousands of people had registered to vote. That’s how big her influence is, just her posting, literally she didn’t even have to say the words from her mouth or put a video up of her saying it. Just her on her story: the words, the link. People did it. That shows that she has a huge influence and if she had used that influence, or still could use that influence, to help the people of Gaza, it would mean so much as a fan, who is a human being, who cares about people who are being killed and ethnically cleansed in Palestine.

This is not to say Taylor Swift is a terrible person, okay? I know she donated a lot of money elsewhere, all the people who have interactions with her say that she’s a kind person, all that stuff, okay? We’re not negating the fact of those things, okay? But, I am saying that she has to speak up – has to say something – in order for this to be right, because she was just named person of the year – Which, look, I’m proud of her for that, okay, like I said, I’m a Swifty; I think that’s great for her. But the fact that Palestinian journalists, Palestinian doctors, who have been saving lives, who have been documenting everything at the cost of their own lives and their own safety, were neglected in this award, and it was just given to her, is absolutely insane to me, and I will die on that hill.

As a POC Swifty, it is just to disappointing to time and time again never see her speak on important issues that are going on unless they align with her ideals of white feminism. And I’m sorry, but that is just the truth. You can like a person and still critique them. It’s the same thing, like, with politics, okay? I’m sorry; anyone who is a billionaire is going to have issues when it comes to morals and ethics, okay? You can like a politician, does that mean the politician’s ever gonna be perfect? No, and we know that.

I’m not comparing Taylor Swift to a politician, but I’m saying that at the end of the day she is a businesswoman, okay? And she knows what she needs to say, and what she needs to post, and what she needs to market that is going to bring her profit. And I think there have been situations where – I know, I’ve watched the Miss Americana documentary where she’s argued with her team, argued with her father, about what she wants to fight for. And her saying things against Trump back a few years ago, was – I will admit – very good of her, but, at the same time, you can’t just argue for white issues and not care about what people of color are going through, especially when it’s an issue that is this big. You can’t just stand silent on it. I will say though, that I disagree with people who are saying that all Swifties are just ignoring the fact that she’s being silent. There is a, I believe, Swifties of Palestine account that I saw on here, on TikTok; they’re demanding of Taylor Swift to speak out and donate and all that, which I think is very admirable, and I honestly hope that is reaches her, because she needs to see. If she sees – she is someone who listens to her fans, and I do admit that it’s sad that she needs her fans to tell her this in the first place, but if we communicate enough that we would like her to speak out on his topic, she might, okay? So, I highly recommend starting to call her out, starting to say that, you know, we respect you as an artist, and we love your music, but we want to see our ethics and our morals in your ethics and your morals. Because if you don’t care about people of color, if you don’t care about the genocide that’s happening right now enough to speak on it, or do something or donate at the very least, then I honestly will lose respect for her, so…  /id]

[spideyharrington]

Safe & Sound

summary: you help bruce when he has a nightmare

warnings: mentions of death, nightmares ofc, this got much more upsetting and angsty than i intended i’m sorry blame the music i was listening to. there’s fluff in there too tho i promise 😭

A/N: i am finishing this at 4am and i did not proofread so i’m sorry if there are mistakes. also sorry if it’s just generally bad LMAO thought i’d do a tiny blurb about y/n helping bruce after a bad dream as my first writing for him 🧍‍♀️partially inspired by Safe & Sound by Taylor Swift. also idk if Gordon has a daughter or anything in reeves’ world but i assumed he does (very very briefly mentioned)

word count: 1k

Bruce had a history of bad nightmares. Between his tragic past and the current horrors he faces on a nightly bases, it’s really no surprise. What was surprising to him however, was how they managed to almost come to a complete stop when you came around. He had less nightmares since you came into his life and he seemed to have none any time you stayed over, which was becoming a frequent habit. So when you felt that the familiar dip in the bed was no longer there, you started to worry. When you sat up you saw Bruce staring out the window. The sun was just beginning to rise which meant he had only been asleep for an hour or so considering he has a very long night out as the Batman. You slowly got out of bed and walked over to his side. You quietly grabbed his hand and looked at him. He turned to look at you and you could tell it was a nightmare. You could see the pain and confusion lingering in his eyes. You usually weren’t so concerned when he had a nightmare, you knew he would be ok after he got a few more hours of sleep. But what made you filled with concern was the fact that he hugged you. He hugged you so tightly that for a moment you were a bit concerned for your ribs.

“Bruce? Darling what’s wrong?” you tried to have a soft, steady voice but it was a bit trembly and laced with so much worry. Seeing him like this absolutely destroyed you. You’d been with him for roughly a year and half now and he’s only done this four other times. Each time after a truly horrific event. You began to wonder if something happened while he was helping Gordon late in the night that he didn’t wanna burden you with.

“I’m sorry,” he answered you, voice barely above a whisper as he started to pull away. You immediately pulled him back.

“Hey hey it’s ok. I’m here. We can stand here like this for as long as you want. I’ll never let you go. Unless you want me to…” you trailed off as you began to rumble on. Was he… Was Bruce Wayne crying? Now this, this has never happened. Now your heart was really pounding. Terrified as to what could’ve happened. Was it Alfred? No, no you just saw him before you fell asleep. Dory? No you heard her talk to Alfred. Did something happen to Gordon? Or his daughter? Oh god what if something had happened to you and you were just having some sort of death dream- Your insane thoughts were interrupted by Bruce’s startlingly upset voice.

“I had a nightmare. I lost you. It was all my fault. I brought you into a world I should’ve never brought you into. And the worst part is, I did it in real life too. I should’ve never gotten you involved with my… Other life.”

“Don’t say that, Bruce,” you respond in a much sterner tone than you meant, “I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t know about your ‘other life’. I would be worried sick about you either way, but at least this way I know where you are. I know what you’re fighting for. And more importantly I know you. Both sides of you. Which i love endlessly. And as for the part where you’re blaming yourself for my death, it was a dream. I’m right here, safe and sound. And part of that reason is because you’re here to protect me. If anything were to happen to me-“

“If anything were to happen to you I wouldn’t be able to live with myself!” He yelled as he finally pulled away from you, looking into your eyes with… Fear.

“Bruce you’re starting to scare me,” you start as you try to fight the tears, “I’ve never been very scared of death or leaving anyone behind. I haven’t had anyone to even leave behind most of my life. But now I have you. And I’m worried shitless that if something actually did happen to me, you would lose yourself. Or do something reckless. Something you could never take back. And I would never want that for you. I would want for you to try to move on and keep fighting and find love again and… And be here for Alfred. I’m not the only person you have y’know? Alfred is like your Uncle who took you into your care when you were so young…” these thoughts became too much and now you were the one crying.

Bruce just shook his head almost violently at your reply. He opened his mouth a few times, only to close it again. He had so much to say yet he couldn’t find any of the right words. You walk up to him and hold his face in your hands, forcing him to look you in the eyes again, “How about we stop thinking about these morbid futures and go bad to bed. I know we won’t fall asleep for awhile, but you need more than an hour of rest. We can just live in this moment right here right now. Instead of wasting our time on all these what-ifs. He stares into your eyes for a moment before kissing you. It was probably the most passionate kiss you’ve ever had. As if it was your last. But you knew it wouldn’t be and you knew he knew that too. Hell, you’ll probably both feel stupid for this in the morning.

You finally both lay back down and Bruce holds you so tightly, as if you’re just going to vanish from his grasp. You move his hair out of his face and smile at him, “We’re both going to be okay. You know that right?” He weakly smiles back and slowly nods his head.

“Just close your eyes. Come morning light, you and i’ll be safe and sound. I promise.” And so he did. With you tightly in his arms, knowing that as long as he was around he wouldn’t let anything hurt you. Knowing that you would never leave him behind.

[tealchameleon]

Hello. Do you understand the difference between an Awarded Doctorate from an Educational Doctorate? Probably not.

First, any earned Education Doctorate is much easier to earn and is not extraordinary feat since it has a followed curriculum. In fact, its a common feat. Additionally, an educational doctorate does not earn the recipient an Awarded Doctorate and an Educational Doctorate cannot be used under the Awards Section of a resume.

An Awarded Doctorate, is the opposite, it cannot be listed on a resume under Education and must be listed as an Award.

Furthermore, most people who have an Educational Doctorate (or any education) may never go on to receive an Awarded Doctorate in another field of study or receive the honorary award for their course of study or any other major Awards in their life because an Awarded Doctorate or Major Awards like a Nobel Prize or Grammys are Awarded for Extraordinary achievements. You can earn an Educational Ph.D. and never accomplish the achievements it requires to receive an Awarded Doctorate, Nobel Prize, or Grammy (Taylor has 11 Grammys, most Educational Ph.D.'s of Fine Arts have ZERO Grammy or many other fine art Awards).

Second, to understand what and how an honorary doctorate is received, you would have to understand all the extraordinary achievements to meet the requirements in the unconventional manner of performing those tasks as Taylor Swift has.

Third, you should not gripe about what you do not understand or respect when it comes to academics.

Taylor Swift earned her rarely Awarded Doctorate of Fine Arts for Extraordinary Achievements and met the requirements for the nearly impossible task of achievements to receive such an Award.

Finally, you can fuck off, forever, hater. — ME.

I’m sorry what has Taylor swift done that is extraordinary lol, besides writing extraordinarily generic music? I truly don’t give a fuck the specifics of how they work, and by taking it upon yourself to explain it you basically proved my point lmao so thanks. You said people with REAL doctorates never go on to get the honorary ones… yeah probably because they are not rich or famous… ergo, these “honorary” degrees are never given to people who’ve actually done the work, made real contributions, as they are purely publicity stunts for celebrities to further stroke themselves about how great they are, as if they can’t do that already without insulting all of academia by accepting a title they did nothing to earn. And if it’s so rigorous a requirement list, and so prestigious an award, what exactly are the requirements? Tell me the concrete, exact reqs that are needed for this pretentious award. Oh right, there are none, because it’s all made up and is given out based on popularity on not on competence or contribution or hard work.

And wow, an insanely wealthy cishet white woman won 11 awards from a predominantly cishet white group, a group that is literally based on excluding artists who do not fit their criteria of rich, famous, and profitable. How extraordinary! You’re a fucking moron lol. Learn some critical thinking before you try defending someone who deserves no defense at all. But then again, the vast majority of swifties are just rabid little minions who can never handle any sort of criticism when it comes to their mediocre goddess.

Finally, YOU can fuck off forever Bc youre the one that came after me for making a personal opinion post on my personal blog lol, how you gon deliberately search someone up to send them stupid shit and then tell them to fuck off? Again, you’re a moron lmao.

—ME, an unabashed taylor swift hater

[thebigbadbatswife]

One Single Thread Of Gold Tied Me To You

Summary - Everyone is tied to their soulmate with a red thread tied to their wrist. All except Y/N’s, who’s thread is gold. Tired of waiting for her soulmate to come and find her, she decides to go and find them. It doesn’t go quite how she expected it to.

Warnings - A little angst

[A/N] - This is a soulmate au where you and your soulmate are attached by an unbreakable red thread (or, in this case, gold), tied to your wrist. This was inspired by the song 'Invisible String' by Taylor Swift.

Word Count - 4k

As the early morning sun slowly filtered into your room, through your blinds, you carefully examined the thread attached to your wrist. Everyone had one; it was your link to your soulmate. Yours was different to everyone else though. While everyone had red, yours was gold. As you turned your wrist, it caught the sunlight and glistened a little.

Everyone you knew had always been fascinated by it. As was nearly every stranger you met. Why was it gold? What exactly made you and your soulmate so different to everyone else’s? Questions you had often asked yourself as well. Why were you two so different?

Your family had a theory that whoever it was, they were rich. Very rich. That was surely the reason it was gold. Nothing else made sense to them. Meanwhile your friends were completely convinced that your soulmate was some kind of God.

“Come on, Y/N! It’s the only thing that makes sense!” Tracey said before taking another sip of her third glass of wine. Her usually bright emerald eyes were glazed over from all of the alcohol. “Why else would it be gold?”

“You gotta admit, Tracey might be drunk right now, but she has a good point!” Skylar joined in. She took her brown eyes off the blonde and looked over at you before continuing. “Oh! What if your soulmate is like Wonder Woman or Superman or something! How cool would that be?”

You rolled your eyes and took a sip of your own glass of wine. “Stop it. You’re both being ridiculous,” you had told them because they really were being ridiculous. There was no way your soulmate was a member of the Justice League, let alone an Amazonian Princess or the Man of Steel.

You were, of course, curious of your soulmate yourself. Who wouldn’t be curious of the person they’re destined to end up with? But you didn’t think up the crazy theories your friends and family liked to come up with. Instead you wondered things like, what kind of hobbies do they have? What’s their favourite colour? What type of music do they listen to? Were they a cat person or a dog person? And other things like that.

Another thing about the thread that tied you to your soulmate was that, while everyone could see the thread around your wrist, only you and soulmate could see where it led. While you had always wanted to follow it, you had decided that it would be better to focus on having a decent job and place to live first.

During that time a small part of you had hoped that maybe your soulmate would come looking for you, but since they clearly weren’t, maybe you should? After all, you had a well paying job and a great apartment, so why not? Every job was legally required to allow people time off to go search, so that wouldn’t be an issue. It was paid time off as well so you didn’t have to worry about money. You also had a car so you wouldn’t have to spend a shit ton of money on travel. At least, you hoped you wouldn’t. In truth, for all you knew, your soulmate could be in a completely different country. Now that would certainly complicate things.

Shaking that thought away (because there was no way fate could be that cruel), you got out of bed and set about putting the wheels in motion that would allow you to start following your thread

‘ Welcome to Gotham City! ’ the sign read as you drove past it. When you had told those close to you, your plan, they had been super supportive. Now, if they knew where your thread had lead you, you doubted they’d be as supportive. Hell, even you were rethinking things now. Out of all the cities for your soulmate to be in, it just had to be this one.

How did you know it was this city that they resided in and it wasn’t just another stop along the way? It was hard to explain, but you had a feeling deep within your gut, almost like a sixth sense that just yelled “Yep! This is the place!”.

You felt extremely uneasy as you drove through the city. It was night-time as well which did absolutely nothing to help. Honestly, of all the times to arrive in Gotham, night-time was definitely the worst. Well, there was nothing you could do about that now, you just had to keep on going, so you did.

The golden thread snaked through the gothic city and went from the “posh” part of the city all the way to the worst part of the city. The buildings were run down and most of the windows were boarded up. Each turn you took there were shiftier and shiftier characters on every corner. You started to get the feeling that you really shouldn’t be here. Plus you were starting to wonder if you really wanted to know who your soulmate was if they were hanging out in neighbourhoods like this.

You brought your car to a stop in front of a particularly dark and sinister looking alleyway. A particularly dark and sinister looking alleyway that your golden thread lead straight into. Coming to this part of this city was already a bad idea. Continuing to follow that thread to what had to be your certain doom was even worse. Yet, at this point in your mission, you were pretty much committed.

You couldn’t help out a quiet and very nervous laugh as you climbed out of your car. ‘ This is fucking insane ,’ you thought as you stepped out of your car. Before shutting and locking it (though you doubt that would do much to protect it in this area), you grabbed your pepper spray. ‘ I really hope your worth all this .’

As you followed the thread down the alleyway, you heard a sudden loud bang. A gunshot. You stopped in your tracks and you could feel your heart pick up its pace. Your thread lead in the direction the shot had come from. ‘ I really hope you weren’t involved with that .’ Taking a deep breath, you continued down the alleyway.

The alleyway lead out onto another street. There was a small crunching sound as you stepped out onto the street. Taking a step back, you looked to the ground to see what you had just stepped on. The ground was littered with small shards of glass. Looking up, you figured the shards of glass were from the bulbs from the streetlamps. Something had broken them. It didn’t take you long to figure out what, or rather who ,was responsible.

Further down the street, taking on group of ten men, was none other than Gotham’s Caped Crusader. The Batman.

You quickly ducked back into the alley you had just left. You then carefully peered around the wall, so you could watch the fight. You were well aware of the fact that your thread was leading straight toward the fight. Which meant that your soulmate was involved.

You watched the fight intensely, both intrigued and terrified to figured which one of the men was on the end of your thread. There was a voice in the back of your head praying hardcore that it was the hero in the centre of the fight.

Batman was a blur of black and dark grey as he rapidly made his way through the group of men. With a variety of different punches, kicks and gadgets, he made short work of them. During his combat flow, you followed your thread with your eyes and a small gasp left you as you realised who the other end was attached to.

Holy fuck. You’re friends had, kind of, been right. While your soulmate wasn’t Wonder Woman or Superman, like they had suggested, he was apart of the Justice League’s ‘Big Three’. Your soulmate was Batman . At least now you knew why he hadn’t come looking for you. He’d been busy saving the world.

Now you had to figure out how to approach him before he ended up disappearing into the night.

Exiting your cover, you took your thread between your finger and thumb and gently tugged on it a couple of times.

Batman looked at his end of the thread curiously as your tugs had gotten his attention. Then his head drifted upwards, following where it lead till his eyes settled on you.

If he was shocked, he didn’t show it. He just stood there, his eyes never leaving you. Part of you wanted to cower away from the intense stare, but you willed yourself not to. He was your soulmate, and you weren’t a criminal,  you had no reason to be afraid.

“You shouldn’t be here,” he said, finally ending the silence between you. His voice was deep and almost robotic sounding. Probably some sort of voice modulator to help hide his identity, you figured.

“In Gotham? Yeah, this place really sucks,” you replied, thinking about all the things you had heard about this city, “but I came here to find my soulmate; to find you.”

“You shouldn’t have.” His voice was sharp and serious as he spoke. He also sounded irritated at your sudden appearance, which caused you to frown. That couldn’t be right… could it?

“What?” You hated how meek and pathetic your voice sounded, but you couldn’t help it. Wasn’t this supposed to be a happy moment? One of the happiest in your life in fact. Instead you felt like you were being scolded rather than meeting the person who was supposed to be your other half.

“I didn’t want to meet you. Now I suggest you go home. It’s not safe here.”

What? You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. There was pressure behind your eyes and your throat tightened. You took a shaky breath as you took a step backwards away from him. It quickly sunk in that the man you’d been destined to be with, the man you had thought about since you were old enough to understand the concept of a soulmate, wanted nothing to do with you.

“I-I’m sorry I disturbed you.” Your voice broke as you fought back the tears that threatened to fall. You weren’t going to give him that satisfaction. You then turned around and ran back toward where you had left your car.

As fast as you could, you started your car up and made your way to a safer part of the city. It didn’t take you long to find a somewhat empty parking lot to park in. Once the engine was off, you screamed and aggressively slammed against the wheel as you let the tears freely fall.

You felt like a complete and utter fucking idiot. Of course he didn’t want you. You’d probably just get in the way of him saving the world or something like that. Besides, what was that article you had seen a few months ago? Something about Catwoman and a relationship between the two? While it happened very rarely, some people in the world had been known to reject their soulmate because they had found someone they deemed better. Is that what had happened? Whatever the reason, you could feel your heart breaking.

You had used to think that, out of all the members of the Justice League, Batman had been one of the cooler members. Now all you could think was that he was a massive jerk.

Maybe it was your own fault for romanticising the whole thing and thinking that your meeting would be something out of a fairytale. Apparently fate was far crueller than you could have ever thought it to be.

Bruce watched as she ran away from him, back down the alleyway she had come from. A small voice in the back of his head told him to go after her. To grab her, hold her close and apologise, tell her that he hadn’t meant it. He ignored it and headed off in the opposite direction, back to where he had left the batmobile.

Over his comms, he heard a barely audible sigh and he could easily picture his butler and lifelong friend shaking his head in disappointment. No doubt he was going to get an earful once he got back to the batcave. Well it certainly wasn’t the first time.

As the batmobile pulled up in the batcave, he could see Alfred waiting for him. ‘ Here we go ,’ he thought as he got out of his car and removed his cowl.

“I don’t want to hear it,” he stated as he walked past him and toward the batcomputer. He set his cowl down on the desk. Even as the words left his mouth he knew he had wasted his breath. If there was one thing that Alfred had done consistently since Bruce had started down this path, it was letting him know when he disagreed with something he did.

“Was that really necessary Master Bruce? She’s come all of this way…” Alfred started, but ended up trailing off. There was a small moment of silence before he continued. “You know, I remember a small boy who couldn’t wait to go out there and find…” Before he could finish what he was saying, Bruce promptly cut him off.  

“What would you have me do, Alfred?!” His voice echoed off of the cave’s walls and disturbed some of the bats still hanging on the ceiling. Bruce gestured toward his equipment and the display cases that held some rather badly damaged batsuits. All of them testaments to injuries that had come far too close to killing him. “Would you really have me force this life on to her? The dangers, the no guarantee I’ll come home…” He took a deep breath and rested both his hands on the surface of his desk. “She deserves so much better.” His voice was quiet, but still easily heard in the, almost, silent cave.

“With all due respect, sir, I believe she should be allowed to make that decision, not you,” Alfred replied before leaving the batcave, not giving Bruce a chance to respond.

He looked in the direction of the stairs that lead up into the manor. The direction that Alfred had headed in. Was he right? Should he be leaving it up to her to decide what she wanted? But with all the dangers he faced nightly… No, it was better for him to stay far away from her.

Over the following week Bruce found himself distracted. It didn’t matter where he was, what he was doing, he couldn’t focus. And considering what he did once night fell over Gotham, to say being unfocused really wasn’t good was a complete understatement of the situation. He had been having far too many close calls recently.

He couldn’t get it out of his head. The way she had looked at him as he told her he didn’t want to meet her, that she should leave. Alfred’s words echoed in his mind and he found himself questioning the decisions he had made that night. Something that Bruce rarely, if ever, did. Everything he did was meticulously planned and there was never any doubt when he made a decision. Was this what happened once you met your soulmate and rejected them?

Bruce was sure that the rest of the Justice League had taken notice. With how off beat and slow to react to certain things, it would be hard not to. Of course, if they had, none of them had mentioned it to him. Apparently they knew better. For the time being, at least. He was sure it wouldn’t be long before they did try to pry into his personal life.

Which lead him here. On the roof of the building opposite of Y/N’s apartment building. He hadn’t needed to do any extensive research to find her, or learn her name, because he had been in this exact spot a couple of years ago.

Two years ago Bruce’s own curiosity had gotten the better of him. He blamed Clark and his soulmate, a reporter by the name of Lois Lane, for it. He had seen them one too many times in the Watchtower together and had found himself wondering who exactly his soulmate was and what they was like. As a result, he had gone looking for them. Not because he wished to finally meet them, but so he could make sure his soulmate was safe and happy. And she was, so he had left. Only ever checking up on her every now and then to make sure she had stayed that way.

He looked down at the golden thread that came out of his gauntlet and lead down toward the apartment he’d been watching. Both as Bruce Wayne and Batman he had made sure to keep it well hidden. With its unique colouring he couldn’t allow anyone to see it. It would be all too easy for his enemies to find her if they did see it.

He knew that by being here he was easily undoing everything he had done to keep her safe, but, then again, had she not done exactly that when she had tracked him down in Gotham? Besides, and while he would never say it out loud, Alfred had been right. It should be up to Y/N to decide whenever or not she wanted all the baggage that came with him being in her life. Baggage that had driven more than one person from his life…

He shook that thought from his head and got up from his crouched position on the roof. Bruce then leapt from the roof and allowed himself to fall for a couple of seconds before opening up his cape and let it catch the wind that was rushing past him. He silently glided over to her apartment’s balcony.

Y/N was in her apartment alone. She was sat on her sofa, the light from the tv was the only thing illuminating the room.

Bruce was unsure of how exactly to go about this. Back in Gotham he had originally thought of approaching her as Bruce Wayne, but quickly discarded it. Bruce Wayne showing up at an out of the way apartment building was sure to garner attention. As would Batman using the front door, so the balcony had seemed to be the best option. But now that he was here, he wasn’t entirely sure it was.

Should he just knock? That seemed like the best way to go about this. It was going to scare the everloving daylights out of her, but he could deal with that.

He gently rapped the glass of the balcony door with his knuckles. As he had expected, Y/N leapt up from her seat. A bowl and the contents of the bowl followed her and scattered across her carpeted floor. She spun around and when she saw him, the look of shock on her face quickly turned to anger. Her eyes narrowed and he swore that glare would be enough to make even the toughest of Gotham’s thugs would cower at its intensity. Maybe she would deal with his life better than he thought.

After a minute of glaring at him, she turned around and walked toward the lightswitch. At the same time, she gestured for him to enter.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?” she demanded as soon as he had entered the apartment and shut the door behind him. The rage in her voice was evident and Bruce was sure he could cut the tension in the room with a batarang.

“I came to apologise,” he said, his voice gentle despite how distorted his modulator made it sound. Y/N scoffed immediately. He didn’t blame her. If he was in her shoes, he wouldn’t believe him either. After all ‘Batman’ wasn’t exactly known for making apologies.

“Yeah right.” She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest.

“I’m being truthful. I… I shouldn’t have said what I said. It wasn’t right.”

“Then why did you say it?” A fair question and one he had an answer to. Before he even said it, Bruce was aware how cliché it sounded.

“I wanted to keep you safe. This life isn’t for everyone.”

“So without even meeting me, you decided that it wasn’t for me.” She shook her head. “That’s not your decision to make!” she yelled at him.

“I know. It’s been pointed out to me before.” In fact that night in the cave wasn’t the first time Alfred had told him that. “But that’s why I’m here now. To give you all the information you need to make that decision.”

You listened intently as Batman explained the dangers of the life he was leading. The dangers that effected the people in his life in one way or another. He also made it a point to reiterate the fact that when he left at night or was summoned by the Justice League there was no guarantee he would return. You asked the occasional question, but for the most part you just listened to him to talk and let his words sink in.

You got it. You understood the very clear concerns that Batman had about this whole thing, they concerned you as well, but you weren’t about to let it deter you. You wanted to know your soulmate. Even if it ended horribly, like he was saying it would, you felt it in your core that you would regret not knowing him, especially if the worst truly did happen. And you told him so.

“Even if you’re not wearing a mask, this life is dangerous. Anything can happen.”

“Anything could happen to me when I leave my apartment each day.”

The superhero life wasn’t special in that regard. As you spoke, your voice was a lot calmer than it had been earlier. In fact, as he had spoke and explained you had found your anger slowly fading. You still wanted to slap the jerk superhero before you, but that was a considerable downgrade from your overwhelming need to deck him when you first saw him standing on your balcony.

“It won’t be easy.”

“I’ve never backed down from a challenge before.”  

You admired his commitment to deter you, but it wasn’t going to work. You were too stubborn to let it. Something you were positive he was learning very quickly.

“There’s nothing I can say to convince you that this is a bad idea, is there?”  

“Nope.” You made sure to pop the ‘p’.

Batman sighed deeply. You watched as he looked away from you and toward the golden thread that linked the two of you together. You could almost hear the gears in his brain turning as he thought. Then he was looking back up at you.

“In that case then.”

You watched as Batman brought his hands up to his cowl. Your eyes widened and you couldn’t help the small gasp that left you as he removed the cowl and revealed his identity to you. Bruce Wayne. While you didn’t live in Gotham City, you were well aware of Gotham’s favoured son. You would’ve had to have lived underneath a rock to not know who he was.

And apparently your family had been right on the money, literally. Not that you cared about the money, you weren’t superficial like that. Personality was far more important than the material items someone may or may not have. In your eyes, at least.

You both stood in silence, his blue eyes studying you, probably trying to gauge how you were going to react. To be truthful, you weren’t entirely sure how to react. Except maybe…

“Well, it’s… it’s nice to meet you Bruce Wayne. I guess this is the part where we forget about what happened and start over?”

“If that’s what you want.”

“It is.”

Yeah, sure, this was probably going to end horribly, but you were looking forward to the adventure that lie ahead.

[1982brucespringsteen]

more spn riverdale au but this time it’s insane quotes

jack: and I’m not screwed up? I’m repressing memories of killing my pet snake

claire: so why don’t we do that girl thing were we braid our hair and mutually suppress our emotions?

alex: I’m sorry I called claire a hobo that one time. / jody: is that it? / alex: I’m really sorry I called claire a hobo that one time

kaia: babe I know you're upset that my evil twin killed me in front of you but this is so messed up

patience: it sounds insane but I remember her eyes so I’m going house to house to… / patience’s dad: stare into women's eyes?

max: I’m no expert but it doesn’t sound like dean is a serial killer. kinda just sounds like he’s a lonely gay guy

stacy: can’t we liberate ourselves from the tired dichotomy of prep/emo? can't we in this post taylor swift world be all things at once?

eliot: as the godfather of horror movies wes craven likes to say...

BONUS! parentnatural

dean: nightmare child what do you want from me?

sam: maybe I should stop drinking demon blood and start seeing a therapist for real

cas: is it true what they say about men who have just been released from prison? / dean: what do they say? / cas: that they’re incredibly sexually frustrated / claire: cas what the hell

jody: rest assured, none of my crew is a middle-aged white guy with green eyes

donna: hagstag dreamhunter is no more??

ruby: oh great. more teenagers

dean: my instinct is telling me that the culprit was rowena. my guess is maybe she grew the poison in her greenhouse / rowena: you don’t grow cyanide dean / dean: a fact that only rowena would know

[mightbewriting]

So I came to W&H and B&E in an odd way. I'm a long time Dramione fic reader who like many of us doubled down on in 2020 to find comfort in a bananas year. I kept seeing W&H on everyone's rec list, but for whatever reason kept putting it off. Then I heard about the prequel and decided to wait for that to be finished, read it, then do W&H. But once it was finished, I saw you recommended W&H first so I was like okay I'll do that. I struggle with impulse control but am trying to do better so when I saw the audiobook for W&H I was like perfect, I'll listen rather than read that way I won't gobble it up in a day. Ha well that did not work, I listened to the first 3 chapters (at that time those were the only chapters they had recorded) then instantly ran not walked to A03, reread said chapters, then continued on. At Chapter 4 of W&H, I thought hmm maybe I'll read them simultaneously. I continued that way maybe through Chapter 13 of B&E and Chapter 7ish then fully committed to W&H first. I cannot imagine reading these fics in real time because reading them in full, back to back was the most intense glutenous binge and it's taken over my life in the best way. I have been living in your fictional universe for the past two weeks. I started a list of all the parallels and callbacks and eventually had to call it because they are innumerable. I'm awed. In literal awe. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Your writing - the individual words of your vast vocabulary, the way you string said words together into hilarious, heart breaking, heart stopping, beautiful, and visceral feelings is astounding. It's hard to explain but even good writers (and/or an intriguing plot) sometimes do not create an overall immersive feeling. But the feelings your words evoke are all encompassing and truly universe building. Like it's not just the wording or the plot or the charters but all of it together come to make something even greater than the sum of their parts. Your writing, your universe of W&H, S&S, and B&E live in my mind and heart and in an embarrassing amount of screenshots of passages on my phone and in voice memos to myself as I don't have anyone irl to fan girl with. When I think of your words and the world you built, I'm reminded of a Taylor Swift lyric: "it cut deep to know you, right to the bone". That is how I'd describe your writing's effect on me, but in the best way.

Your brain's capacity to plot, plan, and flawlessly deliver W&H THEN B&E? Idk how you kept all the threads and plot points and moments and timelines in check. My head aches just thinking about how you wrote these stand-alone but also inextricable works of art. Like how does one's brain function in such a level? And it's especially telling in B&E because we knew where we were going but I still gasped, screamed, squealed, giggled, had to put my phone down, clutched it to my heart, fist pumped, stopped half way through just for a minute to breath and take it all in, and overall looked and acted as an utter idiot during each and every chapter because while I knew where we were going I also had no idea! I'm just floored you managed to keep us at the edge of our seats with a prequel? Who does that? You do!

The texts in the final chapter of W&H devastated me, literal chills. I think about that daily. It's exactly what H and we needed. Just like a reminder of what they went through. It reminded me of Chapter 41 of B&E. Like a summary of where they had been and where they are now.

The other thing that rattled in my brain is the motifs of choice and time, life kind of boils down to those two things huh? But choice especially. It's funny because choice is so prominent but at the same time how W&H and B&E give off soulmate vibes even though this is not a soulmate fic (also are the rumors true...?!) because despite time turners, breakups, and lost memories, they always come back together. But more on choice: it's just as Draco says - in a million scenarios he'll always choose her and he feels lucky she chose him just once. But of course with W&H, she does it twice. And she does it in both timelines of B&E, and of course that's the problem when Draco realizes he has not done the same hence heartbreak 1.0. And just god - he wants her to have a choice with the potion, a choice with her memories, and stops the timey wimey madness by realizing he's taking her choice (and in a way H started it by taking away his choice and leaving the first time). And then those parts about how he chose her, she chose him, but they could not chose each other. This motif, these callbacks. I'm flabbergasted. It's just hitting me now that you extend the choice to us as readers - we get to choose whether H get her memories back or not.

Theo in all your Wait and Hope universe, but especially S&S broke me. Blaise asking who is taking care of Theo when he's taking care of everyone else? Theo's literal and figurative demons? Yikes. Those were unpleasant looks in the mirror for me. I'm glad Theo has his Blaise. Where's mine haha? Also just shout to your underrated Blaise. The fact that he might be my favorite of the Slytherians in your stories says a lot since he doesn't say a lot haha. But he packs such a punch in all your works.

Okay, after singing your well deserved praises and fan girling and marveling at your works (god this is so long, I'm so sorry!), at long last my ask. I still cannot get this out of my head: what did Theo mean in Chapter 1 of B&E when he suggests to Draco “I know that. Maybe you could—tell her some of—” some of what? I zeroed in on this as soon as I read it and it's been rattling in my brain ever since.

um. hi? holy shit. i dont know how to process this. i am resisting the impulse to cringe away from the level of praise happening here because i really need to learn how to take a compliment but oh my god? i am not...this is just...wowzers. you are very literally too kind to me. i have melted into a puddle of feelings in my reading chair here. 

so, first things first: thank you. these are some of the nicest things i’ve ever heard about my writing and i can guarantee i will come back to this ask when I'm feeling like i suck and need a motivation boost. i can’t deny...it feels really nice to know that at least one person out there caught and appreciated some of the insane attention to detail i forced upon myself lol. so thank you. truly, thank you so much for saying such amazingly kind things that have short circuited my brain!

and im sure my friends at @etl-echo-audiobooks will be over the moon to know that their recording work was such a hit! your trajectory reading these stories is so fun and hilarious and probably the most unique reading experience i’ve heard so far xD

also, please be advised that your analysis on choice in these stories is probably going to live in my head rent free for the rest of my life. i feel seen, you know? you just...picked up what i was putting down and it feels really nice to know that it worked for you! 

and ok. your question. that little dash of ambiguity i was planning on leaving open ended. but let it be known i can be plied with compliments. i can’t just *not* give you something in return for such a lovely and kind and thoughtful dose of joy you had absolutely no obligation to give me today. 

so, in my mind, after draco’s house arrest ended and before he went abroad for his mastery, he and theo had an extensive (most likely drunken. also blaise was probably there too) night of reflection where they kind of just looked back at their childhoods and the war and the history of blood purity and just sort of went: “what the fuck?” i imagine draco probably confided in theo that when he went abroad, he planned to just try and pretend like none of it mattered, to see if that was really true. and draco probably kept him updated via owl (even though draco did not write enough and theo had feelings about that) so that by the time draco returned and we have theo asking that sort of trailing question, the implication at the end is “what if you told granger some of your realizations about it all?” so...not all that exciting? but there you have it!

in conclusion: thank you! you are too kind! i appreciate your thoughtful commentary SO much! i’m so happy you enjoyed these stories. and i hope the explanation of what theo was going to say wasn’t too underwhelming.

[welllpthisishappening]

Drew Stars Around My Scars

Hello, hey, hi there. It’s raining, I’ve already lost track of the number of times I’ve listened to Taylor Swift’s new album and haven’t written anything in weeks. Until now! Thanks, Taylor Swift. And @optomisticgirl​​​ who reblogged this post a few days ago from @initiala​​​ about how Killian holding Emma in 3x22 isn’t just that he’s trying to comfort her, but he’s trying to make sure she didn’t disappear. 

Which, like...ok, cool. Anyway, I have thought about this for far too long now and started slamming on keys when the kittens weren’t sitting on my laptop and here’s like 4.1K that may or may not make sense, but at least includes some scathing opinions of Back to the Future. Also, thanks to @shireness-says​​​ for always being like...yeah, I want to read that. 

-----

She sniffles. 

She can’t seem to stop. 

Tears stream down Emma’s face without much thought because thinking too much is a daunting obstacle that she can’t even begin to consider yet. Or ever. Definitely ever. Another sniffle, this one actually making her cough somehow, which is a bodily reaction she was not aware she was capable of. 

Until right now. 

When everything seems to be falling apart around her. 

God, she hates time travel. And magic. And evil queens. And parents who can’t recognize her. She supposes she should give them a pass. For a variety of reasons, least of all the magic that’s cloaking both her and Kill—no, that’s not right. Hook. Captain Hook. He’s Captain Hook and she’s still not a princess, but the dancing was almost nice and he hadn’t even slowed down before he was drawing his sword and the jacket spin was something even her muddled thoughts have been able to cling to, so—

He’d held onto her while her mother burned. Tightly. Almost too much. 

Emma nearly trips over a tree root. 

“Shit,” she breathes, pressing the pads of her fingers into damp cheeks. Her dress is too long. Maybe she’ll mention that to Rumplestilskin later. 

Once they get home. 

Back to Storybrooke. Those are not interchangeable words. None of this is interchangeable. 

Even the trees around Emma look different than the ones she only vaguely remembers from her last jaunt through the Enchanted Forest, taller and a little more imposing, like they’re also aware that she’s one good sniffle away from falling off the metaphorical edge. 

Directly into a chasm without magic or parents and she didn’t even get to talk to Mary—

“Nope,” Emma says entirely to herself. So, it seems insanity is looming just a bit closer than she realized. “Not here.”

Or ever. There’s that phrase again. Two words, technically. 

Two words probably don’t constitute a phrase. 

What does she know, she didn’t graduate college. Or high school, technically. 

“Literally,” Emma mumbles, and it’s almost impressive how that one word still manages to sound as loud as it does. As if it’s bouncing off the sides of those same tall and decidedly imposing trees. “Literally didn't graduate high school.”

Something snaps behind her. 

There are far too many twigs on this forest floor. 

Spinning on the balls of her feet, Emma’s hands fly up, only one of her wrists cracking in the process, and it’s difficult to make out the face moving towards her, but the set of his shoulders is exactly the same as always and that cannot possibly have any deeper meaning. 

“Swan?” “God, fuck what are you—” Emma is out of breath. That’s absurd. And a rather unfair commentary on her lungs ability to function. She’s had something of a day, after all. Running a hand over her face, she does her best to retain her higher brain functions, but that’s admittedly difficult when there’s moonlight gleaming from the point of Killian’s sword. 

Captain Hook. 

Captain. Hook. 

Maybe the state of her lungs is partially his fault. He really held on very tightly. 

“What are you doing out here?” Emma manages to get out, once she’s taken another pitiful breath. She hopes her lips don’t start to chap. There’s probably not an easy remedy for that in the goddamn Enchanted Forest. 

Hook gapes at her. 

She grits her teeth. And regrets the state of her knees. They keep wobbling under her, traitors to her emotional cause and the state of several body parts aside from her obviously failing lungs. Whatever’s happening in the general vicinity of her heart seems unstable. 

Erratic, even. 

“Making sure you’re alright,” Hook says like it’s obvious, and it almost is. Almost. What another piece of garbage word. “You’ve been—” Shaking his head once, the ends of his hair don’t move as much as normal, and Emma flinches when he sheaths his sword. “I just wanted to make sure you were alright, that’s all.” Emma is going to lie. She is. Has every intention of letting the word fine pass through her lips, but those lips open without any sound coming out at all and Hook’s eyebrows jump. 

“Thank you.” “Excuse me?” “Thank you,” Emma repeats, finally giving into the urge of her knees and, if nothing else, the length of this dress makes it easier to sit on one of these overly large tree roots. Hook’s eyebrows don’t move. “Should have, uh—should have mentioned that before, probably.” “Thanking me?” “What part of this is confusing for you?” “Quite a bit, in fact,” he admits, and he doesn’t sit, but he also doesn’t look away from her and Emma is pleasantly surprised to find she almost sort of likes it. Almost. Again. 

Letting out a breath that she wishes sounded more like a laugh than it does, Emma’s tongue darts out. “Shit, that..well, that sucks, doesn’t it?” His eyes widen. “That’s not a euphemism,” Emma adds. “Just out of place slang.” “You might have to be more specific, love.”

“That’s fair. I—ok, stuff sucking is...well, it just means that stuff is...not great. Like right now, you know...things are—” She shrugs. And tries to smile. It fails spectacularly. 

Emma sniffles again. 

“Not great?” Hook ventures, and he has to readjust his sword to sit next to her. 

“Less than ideal.”

“You’ve been gone for nearly half an hour. I was worried something had happened.” “Hence the sword.” “Never want to be too careful. And you’re—” “—At least capable of still punching people,” Emma argues, not sure why she’s doing that exactly, but it feels like a matter of pride at this point. She exhales loudly. “But, uh...it’s nice that you came out here. I’m sorry that you had to do that too.” They both hear the words for what they aren’t — vast and a little overwhelming, and time travel is so overrated. Emma can’t believe what a popular fictional trope it is. Snow White was never supposed to die. The ends of Hook’s lips twitch, but he doesn’t actually smile, and that’s actually nice and maybe that’s her biggest issue. 

Everything about him has been so goddamn nice. 

He was much better at dancing than she expected him to be. 

And he keeps following her. She doesn’t mind that. 

Might even—

No. Not now. Not yet. Or ever. Again. God. 

“It’s not a problem, love.”

Emma swallows. Nods. Tries not to fall over that ledge. “I just...needed some time to think, I guess. Is that dramatic?” “No. And suggesting it sucks does have a certain charm to it.” “And you know all about charming, don’t you?” His left eyebrow arches. Some things never change, she supposes. Emma focuses on that. And not how she’s fairly certain she can feel waves of heat rolling off him, even with the few inches between them. Possibly a foot. She’s not great at estimating measurements. 

Or much else, it seems. 

That’s a far too depressing thought, though. 

“I believe I’ll leave that particular moniker to others in the party,” Hook says softly, sitting down. “Would you like to talk about it?” “Which part?” “Dealer’s choice.” “That one crossed realms, huh?”

“Some sayings know no bounds,” Hook smirks, and whatever sound Emma makes at that is even closer to a laugh than the last one. She takes that as a positive. “None of this is your fault.” “Practice that a few more times and it might sound more legitimate.” “Swan, that’s—” “—No, no, no,” Emma objects, not standing up, but she shakes her head quickly enough that strands of hair slap at either one of her cheeks. A few of them stick there. Probably because of the tears she can’t seem to stop. “All of this is my fault. I—I should have waited for help with the portal and everything I’ve done here has only made it worse and—” Another sigh, dragging her hand over her cheek. “—Fuck Marty McFly. And Doc Brown. It was so weird that they were friends, why didn’t anyone ever explain that?” “Did they not?” “No, not once. We were just supposed to accept that Marty met some senior citizen inventor guy who was more than willing to steal dangerous chemicals—” “—And he wasn’t a wizard?” “No, he wasn’t a wizard. No magic in the real world.” Or me, Emma thinks bitterly, but that’s not going to help the situation anymore than her current rambling, and she can’t seem to stop rambling. “But Marty and Doc hung out all the time. And Jennifer didn’t even think it was weird.” “Who is Jennifer, exactly?” “Marty’s girlfriend, I guess, but it always seemed like they were just starting to date at the beginning of the movie and then they got married. Just like that. You think they went to the same college or something? Like once Marty left—shit I can’t remember the name of the town.” Hook hums, a sound Emma can’t actually cling to any more than she can hold the one positive thing that has happened to her in the last twenty-four hours in her hands. It is not lost on her that both of them have to do with the man sitting next to her. 

Or how quickly his fingers keep fluttering over the hilt of his sword. 

“How far do you think we are from Aurora and Philip’s...land?” Emma asks. “Is that the right way to say that? Did they have a land?” “I believe the word you’re looking for is kingdom.” “Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Should have known that.” “That’s not your fault either.” “You’re really harping.” “Playing a symphony, it seems.” She laughs. She does. It’s not that loud, and there’s a distinctly watery edge to it, the muscles in Emma’s face aching when she manages to smile, but she’s having a difficult time coming to terms with the dexterity of Killian’s eyebrows and her hand moves before she thinks about it. 

The metal is cool under her skin, a smooth surface that she can drag her thumb across. Which is exactly what she does, an attempt to ground herself and remind her that she’s still here when she isn’t entirely positive she’s supposed to be. 

Hook doesn’t move. Might not breathe, if the state state of his shoulders is any indication and Emma hadn’t realized she was in possession of so many opinions regarding Captain Hook’s shoulders. Or her ability to recognize them. 

No matter what, it seems. 

“While it may appear that I know everything—” “—Ok, I never said that.” Hook’s smirk grows more pronounced. “I was in Neverland for quite some time, and the boundaries of some of the Enchanted Forest kingdoms changed in the last hundred or so years. But,” he adds when Emma opens her mouth again, “we’re more than a stone’s throw from the land Aurora should be ruling. At least several days' travel.” “God, that’s confusing. And did all these kingdoms have separate laws and everything? Who came up with that? Seems like a garbage way to rule.” “I believe you’d have to file a complaint with several different monarchies for that, love.”

Emma scoffs. “It’s quieter here than it was in Neverland, though.” “Most places are.” “Colder too. I hate the cold. I’m always—can’t ever seem to get warm and my toes are always freezing, it’s...I’m a notorious blanket thief.” “Pirate of sorts, huh?” He grins as he says it and part of Emma wants to scream. Stand up and run, as fast as her feet and far-too-long hem allow. But that part is also smaller than usual, and she’s all too aware of the state her knees are in. “Something like that,” Emma agrees. “When I was a kid I used to live in this place. Snowed for months at a time and I—I hated it. Wanted to be anywhere else. Kept trying to find somewhere that was warm, sunny. Like that would chase away the shadows.” Hook is disarmingly quiet. 

And Emma can’t shut up. 

“But then I got some place where it never snows and it wasn’t what I thought it’d be. Dry heat, you know?” He shakes his head. That’s fair. Pirates with several-hundred years of experience under their belts should not be expected to understand meteorological cliches. 

“Anyway,” Emma mumbles, “it wasn’t what I expected or thought was supposed to happen and—” She scrunches her nose. Hook waits. Presumably for the rest of the sentence, but it doesn’t come and she finds it difficult to breathe again when he starts talking.

“Sunlight always seemed better on the sea. Would reflect off the surf. Could see the entire horizon if you wanted to.” “And did you?” Hook nods. “As often as I could. Even when I was lad. My father used to bring my brother and I—” This might be their best and least organized conversation. Gritting his teeth, his shoulders shift when he inhales sharply. “These stars are different from Neverland’s.” “Really? Weird.” “Mmhm, made navigating something of a challenge.”

“But you’re here now, right?” “Presently, you mean?” Another head shake. More moving hair and unmoving fingers. Emma’s knuckles are white around the hook, holding it like a lifeline and she might have to spend the rest of her life thanking him for this. 

It’s not as daunting a prospect as it should be. 

“I mean past you is here,” Emma says, “in the Enchanted Forest. Doing pirate type things and offering Mary—” Her tongue gets in the way. As disgusting a thought as that is, Emma knows it’s better than thinking about what is actually happening, feeling as if her throat is collapsing in on itself while her heart does its best to beat its way out of her chest. “Shit.” Killian shuffles closer, not stopping until his knee bumps hers. “That happened from time to time. Leaving Neverland, doing jobs for—” “—Pan?” “Sometimes. He couldn't leave the island, you see. Not without losing the magic as well. Jolly’s crew was his only option. Although we always managed to stay here longer than he wanted us to.” “Well, pirates hate rules, don’t they?” “I believe that’s in the bylaws, aye.” She’s got absolutely no idea what sound that one is. Shaky and a little wobbly and some dark, half-forgotten part of Emma’s brain believes it’s drifting close to giggle territory. That can’t be right. She can’t giggle while she’s still crying. 

The bylaws of the Universe probably frown on that. 

“Is that how you wound up with Cora, then? Stuck around longer and got a good deal?” Nothing. 

No answer. No jokes. Certainly nothing even remotely resembling a giggle. 

Just the muscle in Hook’s temple, jumping rhythmically and consistently and Emma really does try to stay patient. Her sniffling makes that difficult. 

“Something like that,” Killian repeats evasively, staring straight ahead like he can see through the trees. Maybe he can. What does Emma know. Some pirates probably have to have good eyesight. Make up for the eye patches and whatnot. 

She nods. No one asked a question. “Ok.” “Ok?” “Ok,” Emma echoes, “you’re a real shit liar and I’m real great at telling when you’re lying, but—” “—Me specifically?” Yes. The answer is yes, but she doesn’t give voice to that either and maybe she should be writing all these things down. The things she’s not saying. 

Should say. 

Emma can’t believe she time traveled and didn’t even get to talk to her mother. 

And that’s the first time she’s really allowed herself to think of Snow White as her mother. 

“Super power,” Emma continues, waving her free hand towards her temple. Her other one is still clinging to his hook. “But that’s fine. You didn’t pry, so I won’t pry, I just—” Collapsing throats, she imagines, are supposed to hurt more than this does. This doesn’t hurt, per se, just feels passably uncomfortable, like there’s a wad of cotton in her mouth, making it difficult to say anything and Emma is so bad at saying anything, but Killian is staring at her and—

Killian. 

She lets herself call him Killian. In her head, at least .

“I can’t come up with anything else to say except thank you,” Emma whispers. 

“You don’t have to.” “Still.” “You’re welcome,” Killian says, and maybe words carry more weight in the past. By default. 

“Can I ask you something, though?” He tenses. Noticeably. It’s another round of fair and understandable, Emma’s teeth finding her lower lip until she tastes blood. Another reminder that she’s still here. With her fingers wrapped around Captain Hook’s—

No, that’s not right. Captain Hook did not follow her into a time vortex. Or ask her to dance. Or wear the fuck out of that jacket. Although that last one could use a bit more work, at least when it comes to sentence structure. 

The point still stands. 

Captain Hook didn’t do any of that. Killian Jones did. 

And he—

“When we were watching everything in the castle and Regina was you know…” Killian lips go thin. Emma might be staring at his lips. Past him had been a very good kisser as well. Maybe she’ll mention that at some point. After this. “Well, I just,” she stammers, “I was terrified, for my mom and my dad and even Ruby—God, is that her name here?” “Introduced herself as Red when Snow White sent her.” “Weird.” “Perhaps the best word for the entire situation.” “Or shitty.” “Aye that too,” he smiles, which is not weird. At least not as weird as it should be. “I wasn’t sure what was going to happen.” “Yeah, me neither,” Emma breathes, not exactly the explicit truth, but at least several steps without moving. “I—you have very strong arms.” “A compliment?” “An observation.” Killian chuckles, and this hair really is unfortunate. Normally, that one bit that Emma has come to regard as her own personal torture device would artfully fall across his forehead, a metaphorical arrow towards eyes that always seem to get brighter when they’re looking at her.

As they often are. 

But while the hair is different, the distracting tendencies of his tongue are the same. The tip of it finds the corner of his mouth, a soft push on the inside of his cheek, and Emma’s not keeping a list — at least not acknowledging her want of a list — but the tongue thing is definitely one of Killian’s most telling tells. 

Seriously, her sentence structure sucks. 

“Although,” Emma adds, “it wasn’t that bad.” HIs tongue goes back in his mouth. She’s got to stop thinking about his tongue.

“No?” “No,” she says. “It was...nice.” So, off the top of her head, she needs to fix — sentences, her grasp of the English language, her tendency to repeat herself, and finding better adjectives for emotionally charged moments. 

Possibly. 

Emma still hasn’t called him Killian to his face, after all. 

“What did you think was going to happen?” No tongue, but an obviously tight jaw makes Emma’s stomach jump into her still-collapsed throat. “Like I said, love. I wasn’t sure. Just wanted to make sure you’re alright.” The lie feels like it reaches out, smacks her across the face and then backhands her for good measure. It leaves Emma’s cheeks tingling and something tugs at the base of her spine. Not magic, because she still doesn’t have magic, but maybe magic adjacent, like a memory or hints of a dream that keep lingering at the edges of everything, and she promised. 

She doesn’t push. She doesn’t prod. 

She doesn’t pry. 

And Killian has to move his sword again when he gets back to his feet. “We’ve got a fire going, if you’d like to warm up.” “Yeah, ok. Thanks.” Emma doesn’t let go of the hook, keeps her fingers curled around it as they move back through the trees and neither one of them stumble, a very small, but much needed victory because—

Well, everything kind of continues to suck. 

At least for a little while. 

Snow White isn’t dead, but she’s a bug, and then she’s not a bug and Emma has no idea where Ruby goes. She’s too busy worried about this nameless woman and wielding a branch gets her another laugh and a smile she’s going to think about for at least seventy-two hours straight. Then there are trolls, and tears of the less-pained variety. Rumplestilskin continues to be any forest’s biggest asshole, and there’s magic and another round of crying and—

Emma runs. 

Sprinting across Storybrooke, she ignores the ringing phone in her pocket, determined to hug her parents and hold her kid with her own display of impressive upper body strength. 

And it gets better, less suck-like, at least. Food and smiles and the way her mother’s hand feels when it rests on top of Emma’s. 

Until she’s sitting — tucked into the corner of a booth with her own face staring at her from the pages of Henry’s storybook and Emma can’t quite recognize the person there. The happiness on her face feels like...well, a story. A good one, but something that she can’t believe was hers or is hers or could be hers and she’s got to add tenses to that list she only kind of remembers. 

Glancing around, the muscles in her neck object to the stress she’s putting them under, because time travel is awful and exhaustion is starting to creep its way up her spine. 

“Looking for someone?” her mother asks, and Emma’s lips pop. 

That’s it. 

She understands. Fucking goddamn finally. 

Emma might nod. Or shake her head. It doesn’t really matter. 

There are no words. No explanations. Just clamoring back to her feet, the bottoms of her boots sticking to the linoleum near the door because one of the dwarves definitely spilled punch at some point and—

His head snaps up as soon as the door closes behind her. 

“So, do you think Rumplestilskin is right?” Emma asks, dropping into one of the wrought-iron chairs at the table Killian has commandeered. Pirate term. “I’m in the book now. He said everything, besides our little adventure, would go back to normal. Do you think that it is?”

“He’s right. Otherwise I’d remember that damned bar wench I kissed.” She smiles. Wide and honest and easier than anything has ever been. And Killian doesn’t flinch when she teases him, like that’s something Emma is allowed to do, but she figures once she uses his name and once they start making out like teenagers it’s fine, and this is her favorite kiss. 

By far. 

No sounds, no rum, nothing except the feel of his fingers in her hair and her knees bumping against his and she tries to claw her way into his space, a burst of colors behind her closed eyes that she knows is magic and him and them, a collective unit that—

“You came out here,” Killian murmurs, the words barely making their way through the haze of Emma’s post-makeout brain. 

She bumps her nose against his. “Turnabout and all that. I...I didn’t want you to be by yourself. And I had a thought.” “Which was?” “Did you think I was going to disappear? When Regina tried to kill my mom. I—you said you didn’t know what would happen, but that wasn’t—” “—Super power, huh?” “Not cool to interrupt when I’m theorizing.” “Well, you don’t like being cool, do you, Swan?” Her smile is going to get stuck on her face. That’s...nice. “Was that what it was?” “The thought had crossed my mind, aye.” “Smart guy.” “High praise.” “I’m an official princess now. In the book and everything, so favors from me hold a certain weight, don’t you think?” He smirks. She tries to memorize it. Every shift of his mouth, the spark in his eye and slight scrunch of his nose, what might be a few freckles there or a trick of the dim lights above them. 

Emma’s skin feels like it’s vibrating. 

“Thank you.” “You don’t have to keep saying that, Swan.” “Yeah, I know, but—I didn���t think about disappearing, but I did think about wanting something to hold onto and that’s...thank you.”

It’s not enough. Not really, but even the concept of holding her tight enough to ensure that she didn’t disappear in some fairy tale realm is a lot for Emma to wrap her mind around, so she’s going to give herself a pass on this one. 

And kiss him instead. Kissing Killian is quickly climbing to the top of a brand-new list of Emma’s favorite things. In every known realm. His tongue swipes her lips and she opens her mouth at the same time her eyes fall shut again, a tilt of her head and bump of their chins, and it’s not easy to deal with all of their assorted limbs at this angle, but that just ensures that this is a bit slower and softer and something that is, quite obviously, the start. 

Because she came after him this time. 

[notanacousticsetcal]

the way i loved you - calum hood

summary - based off of the song “the way I loved you” by taylor swift. 

warnings - none

word count - 2.6k (oops)

a/n - I have some of these planned for luke too tehe. go check out my other two in the song series “begin again” and “broken pieces” also, this is not in chronological order. there are 2 calum flashbacks during the first two choruses looking back at 2 moments in their relationship.

He is sensible and so incredible and all my single friends are jealous. He says everything I need to hear and it's like I couldn't ask for anything better.

“Damn.” You shook your head in disappointment at the marked percentage atop the crumpled white paper. He glanced up at you with a look of concern.

“What’s up?”

“I got an 82 on this math test and I thought I aced it.” Grabbing a nearby pillow and shoving it in your face, you fell back against your bed as he laughed at your dramatic gesture from his seat on the floor. 

He sighed softly. “An 82 is still a great score. I’m sorry. I know you worked hard studying for that test. How can I make you feel better?” He asked sweetly.

“Hmm,” you ran your pointer finger and thumb along your chin like you were pondering a big decision. “You could... grab me a chocolate bar from the kitchen?” You smiled innocently up at him and he returned it.

“It would be my honor.” As he left to grab your candy, you opened your phone to a new message from your friend, Katie.

She had just received the picture you sent her a few hours ago of the beautiful, expensive, bracelet James had just bought for you. 

Katie: holy SHIT! that must’ve cost an arm and a leg. what I would give to have a boyfriend who cares enough to get me gifts. hold onto that one, he’s a keeper.

Katie was right. He was a keeper. A total gentlemen -- smart, kind and gentle. He always knew exactly what to say to make you feel better. But when you looked at him, directly into his sparkling blue eyes… you felt absolutely nothing. And it killed you. Because you really, really wanted to feel something.

He opens up my door and I get into his car and he says “you look beautiful tonight.” And I feel perfectly fine.

“Hey! How are you?” You said, approaching the brunette leaning against the white SUV. 

“I’m great now.” He smiled. He reached over and popped the passenger door open, gesturing for you to step inside and you quickly thanked him, sliding into your seat.

He sat down next to you, starting up the car. 

“You look beautiful tonight.” 

You wished you could even conjure up a small blush but you just looked down and let out a meek “thank you.” Where were the damn butterflies? Weren't you supposed to be feeling those right about now?

All you wanted was to feel something -- anything -- when you looked at him. You wanted to dream about him, miss him when he was gone, long for him to hold you.

But you think all that is still reserved for one person.

The one you haven’t quite gotten over. 

But I miss screamin' and fightin' and kissin' in the rain and it's two a.m. and I'm cursin' your name. You're so in love that you act insane and that's the way I loved you. Breakin' down and comin' undone, It's a roller-coaster kinda rush and I never knew I could feel that much and that's the way I loved you.

“Cal, pull over.” You sat up from your seat in the car, tugging off your seat belt and laying a hand on the door handle. 

“What? Why, are you alright?” Calum grabbed your thigh and gave it a squeeze. His brown eyes looked clouded with concern.

“I’m fine, Cal, just pull over. Please?” You gave him your best puppy dog face and watched him give in like he does every time and you smiled, laying a kiss on his cheek. 

As soon as the car was securely in park on the side of the road, you started to get out. 

Calum wasn’t sure what he expected you to do, but it wasn’t that. 

“(Y/n)? What the hell are you doing, baby, it's pouring outside!” He called after you but you shut the door before he could protest further and ran out into the street. It was a warm summer night around 1:00am and you wanted nothing more than to run around in the rain with your favorite person in the world.

Calum got out of the car and chased after you, wrapping his hands around your waist and spinning you when you tried to run away. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” Shivers traveled up your spine at the sound of his voice in your ear. You could barely hear him above the sheets of rain bucketing down onto the street. 

The street light above you illuminated him slightly and you shifted in his arms to look at him.

Your hand reached up to move his damp hair off his forehead.

“Dance with me?” The question leaves your mouth before you can stop it. 

“I’d jump off a cliff as long as it was with you.” His eyes never left your lips.

Before you knew what you were doing, you were leaning into him and catching his lips over your own. It's like you were built for each other. Crafted to fit together perfectly. Like he was your missing puzzle piece. You pulled away feeling tingly and filled with butterflies like it was the very first time.

His smile said it all. 

He pulled you into his chest and you swayed together, feeling the cool water on every inch of your skin. You were appreciative of the rain in that moment because without it, you were sure you would’ve burst up in flames. 

He respects my space and never makes me wait and he calls exactly when he says he will. He's close to my mother, talks business with my father. He's charming and endearing, and I'm comfortable.

You sat in your parents’ living room next to James, awkwardly silent and letting him do the talking. Your parents gave you questioning looks but honestly, you were just sitting there trying not to scream at him for always being so goddamn perfect. 

Calum always pushed you past your breaking point. He constantly poked the bear and didn’t give two shits about how much he annoyed you. He would slip up on dates and cancel plans and forget to call. He wasn’t perfect. Far from it.

James, he backed off when you were tense and never forgot a single date. He always asked about your day. He made an effort to be there whenever he felt like you needed him. He was sitting here with your parents carrying a pleasant conversation. 

You should be in love with him right?

“I’m working under my father right now, actually. It's fantastic experience and he has a lot of great connections already which is super, super helpful,” James said. But you didn’t really hear it at all. Your hand was in his but there weren’t those tingles. It didn’t make you giddy.

You felt bored.

“That’s wonderful. Being in a sturdy, reliable position that young is rare in the industry,” Your father responded, looking extremely impressed.

“Thank you, sir. And Mrs. (y/l/n), how’s that garden you started been going?” He turned to your mother as an appreciative smile bloomed on her face. It made you happy to see them happy.

You should be in love with him.

But you weren’t.

Your heart still belonged to that stupid boy with the big brown eyes and the even bigger heart. 

But I miss screamin' and fightin' and kissin' in the rain and it's two a.m. and I'm cursin' your name. You're so in love that you act insane and that's the way I loved you. Breakin' down and comin' undone, It's a roller-coaster kinda rush and I never knew I could feel that much and that's the way I loved you.

“Don’t walk away from me, (y/n), goddamnit!” Calum shouted as you stormed out into torrential downpour, outside of Calum’s apartment building. The street lamps were the only source of light this late in the evening. 

“Don’t tell me what to do, Calum!” You tugged harshly on your hair, groaning in anger and frustration. “Leave me the fuck alone, I’m walking home.” You continued to walk down the sidewalk but Calum was persistent. 

“(Y/n) stop! Why the hell are you so fucking stubborn all the time?” Calum called after you. His shirt was clinging to him tightly and his hair was stuck to his forehead. How did he always look good?

You whip around at his insult, wagging your finger at him in fiery disapproval. “Oh I’m the stubborn one? Don’t act like you care about me, Calum. If you did, you would actually spend time with me. You wouldn’t forget the little things. You would be there.” You admit you were being harsh, but he always found a way to push you. Every. Single. Button. You had. 

He made you want to slap him and kiss him at the same time. He made your stomach heat up and your heart rate quicken and your mouth dry. 

He made your head spin and your heart hurt and your knees weak. He made you a mess and you didn’t know if you loved it or hated it. 

“Do you actually think I don’t care about you?” Calum asked. You noticed his bottom lip quiver slightly and wondered if the dampness on his face was tears or the rain. 

“Sometimes it feels that way, yeah.” You cross your arms over your chest, feeling soaked to the bone and so cold you couldn’t feel your toes anymore. You looked down at your feet, trying to hide the fact that you were really hurting. You hoped the hot tears streaming down your face could be concealed by the cool rain. 

Calum noticed and stepped closer to you, pulling you into him. You attempted to resist but he started moving the hair out of your face and you were putty in his hands, like always. It felt like that first time on that summer night, dancing in the street. That felt like a lifetime away. 

“You know I care about you. More than anything.” He looks broken.

“I know, Cal. But I don’t know if that's enough anymore.”

He can't see the smile I'm fakin' and my heart's not breakin' 'cause I'm not feelin' anything at all.

You welcomed James inside and he went in for a quick hello peck on the lips but you felt yourself awkwardly turning your head so he only caught your cheek. He pulled away, clear confusion written across his face but you just gave him a small apologetic smile and tugged him towards the couch. “I think we should talk.”

James was perfect in every way. He was perfect when he bought you flowers. He was perfect when he remembered your coffee order. He was perfect when he remembered your sister's birthday.

But he wasn’t perfect for you.

You wanted him to be. 

Fuck, did you want him to be.

But you couldn’t do anything to change the fact that when he kissed you, you felt nothing.

When he hugged you, you felt nothing.

When he called you baby, you felt absolutely nothing.

You wanted it to hurt when you broke things off with him. Truth be told, neither of you took it very hard. He wasn’t the one for you and you both knew it.

And you had a feeling you knew who was. 

And you were wild and crazy just so frustrating, intoxicating, complicated, got away by some mistake and now I miss screamin' and fightin' and kissin' in the rain. It's two a.m. and I'm cursin' your name. I'm so in love that I acted insane and that's the way I loved you. Breakin' down and comin' undone, It's a roller-coaster kinda rush and I never knew I could feel that much and that's the way I loved you

“Ash, what if he doesn’t want to try again?” You bit at your nails anxiously while you talked to the drummer. Your phone was tucked securely between your cheek and your shoulder. 

“(Y/n), I’ve seen him every day since you two ended things and I can say with utmost certainty, he’s a mess. He finds a way to bring you up in every conversation and he regrets how much he let you down. He tells me literally every single day. It's getting really annoying, actually. My point is, if you gave him another chance, he would absolutely take it.” Ash finished his point with a sigh. “I have to go, (y/n). I’ll talk to you later, alright? Hang in there, kid.”

You smiled. “Alright, Ash. See you later.” You hung up the phone and laid on the plushy couch for a few moments longer, contemplating as you stared at the ceiling. 

“Fuck it.” You sat up and pulled on your shoes, tugging a jacket over your pajamas, bolting out the door before you had a chance to change your mind.

Hands fumbling in nerves and eyes darting all around, you found yourself standing outside Calum’s apartment. You reached up hesitantly and made two, crisp knocks on the door. You stepped back in anticipation, concerned you might vomit any second.

You heard some commotion from the other side of the door. “Coming!” Calum called. You hadn’t heard his voice in so long. 

The door swung open revealing Calum, shirtless and in a pair of sweats. His hair was longer and shaggier, like he hadn’t cared much to maintain it. 

You could see the moment of realization in Cal’s face. His eyebrows scrunched in surprise and confusion. “(Y/n)?”

You cleared your throat. “Um. Hi Cal.” You gave him a small apologetic smile.

“Are you alright? What’s going on?” Calum’s face became concerned as the reasons why you might be here circled his brain. He wondered if you might be in trouble. 

“I.. I um. I don’t really know why I’m here.” You shook your head in frustration as all your thoughts jumbled together and you found it hard to explain what you were doing at his front door. “Alright. I’m just going to say what’s on my mind and I want you to listen, alright?”

Calum opened his mouth to protest but you continued on rambling before he got the chance. “I’ve been with James these past few months, as you probably know.” Calum’s expression turned sour but you kept going. “I broke things off between him. Like 2 days ago.” You almost wanted to laugh at how quickly Calum’s face lit up. “He was perfect in every way for me. Like, perfect. And you and I are so not perfect…” There's that sour expression again. “But when I was with him… When I was with him… I wished I was with you. I missed the way I got butterflies when you held my hand and the adventures we had together and I missed your stupid dumb brown eyes and your lips and no matter what I tried, I couldn’t stop missing you. I wanted to love James. I really, really did. But loving someone is not the same as wanting to love someone. I couldn’t love him… I couldn’t because I-- well, I… I’m still in love with you.” You huffed and began fumbling with your fingers again. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him.

“Are you saying you want to try again?” Calum asked, stepping past the threshold and closer to you.

You bit your lip as you pondered the thought. You didn’t really think about much past telling him how you felt. “I… I think I do, yeah.” 

You felt Calum’s hand tuck itself under your chin and pull your face up to look at him. He ran his thumb softly over your cheek and you found yourself leaning into his touch. 

“I love you, too. I never stopped.”

I never knew I could feel that much and that's the way I loved you.

[smallblueandloud]

fsk emotions: the playlist

(i’d like to apologize in advance for how long this is going to get. UPDATE: yeah, this is around 4k, i am So Sorry.)

in case y’all weren’t aware, i have fitzskimmons emotions ALL THE TIME. my poor friends have to deal with me texting them at 11 pm like “i’m freaking out about fsk again” embarrassingly often. so, i figured i’d try to share some of those emotions with y’all, in the form of songs from my private fsk playlist on spotify. 

that playlist is 63 songs long. hopefully i will not feel the need to talk about ALL 63, but i’m not going to make any promises. y’all know what i’m like about this. i’m planning on giving you a list of the songs for your listening pleasure, and then go into detail about the lines / vibes from each song that i think especially fit the ship. we shall see how this goes.

just a warning: my music taste is very all over the place. i associate the sound of 80s love songs with fsk, so there’s gonna be a few of those, but also some weird obscure indie songs and some pop and just... bear with me, okay? these songs are in no particular order, because i have no idea how to make a “”legit”” playlist or whatever the heck y’all are doing to make such good mixes. i’m just gonna stick a tracklist here and move on.

can’t fight this feeling // reo speedwagon

gravity // sara bareilles

new year’s day // taylor swift

don’t go breaking my heart // elton john & kiki dee

dancing in the dark // bruce springsteen

born to be yours // kygo & imagine dragons

i choose you // sara bareilles

ordinary people // john legend

carry on // fun.

blackbird // the beatles

thunder road // bruce springsteen

the long and winding road // the beatles

the archer // taylor swift

army of angels // the script

paper rings // taylor swift

lucky // jason mraz & colbie caillat

wonderwall // zella day

team // noah cyrus

i melt with you // modern english

cornelia street // taylor swift

coroner’s report // molly ofgeography

two // sleeping at last

fair // the amazing devil

arms unfolding // dodie

making love out of nothing at all // air supply

all the song explanations are under the cut, because this is going to get long. there’s also ten honorable mentions if you manage to make it to the end of this. let’s get started!

1. can’t fight this feeling // reo speedwagon

i felt legally required to put this one first because i literally named my magnum opus after it. i like this song a lot on its own, but it specifically reminds me of fsk because the idea of your partner(s) as the place you will always gravitate towards is peak fsk for me. also, these three are canonically each others’ reassurance and rock and i’m just... i love them a lot, okay? this song’s imagery and lyrics have come to be inextricably associated with fsk for me and i love it a lot.

important lyrics: “And even as I wander, I'm keeping you in sight You're a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter's night”

“And if I have to crawl upon the floor, come crashing through your door Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore“

2. gravity // sara bareilles

this one goes second because it’s probably my favorite song of all time. i play it on repeat whenever i’m feeling sad or anxious or pining or happy or just... anytime, lmao. but i also think it’s a very fsk song, and more specifically the fitzdaisy relationship! not only does it have more of that “gravitating towards each other” theme (more literally in this case), but the lyrics are also... very much fitzdaisy, i think, who are very much each others’ safe space and have been vulnerable with each other from the very beginning.

important lyrics: “ Oh, you loved me 'cause I'm fragile When I thought that I was strong But you touch me for a little while And all my fragile strength is gone”

(although really every single lyric fits really perfectly, so go and check out this song! it’s genuinely my favorite song ever and i think everyone would benefit from a listen or two)

3. new year’s day // taylor swift

the most underrated song from reputation, this song is probably the most INTENSELY fsk song i’ve ever heard. these three have grown up together, have changed together, have left their mark on each other in ways that can never be undone. the thing i’m most nervous for in the series finale is the show completely ignoring that impact (along with all three’s relationships with coulson and may especially!). no matter their romantic configuration, none of them would be the same if they hadn’t known the others. and new year’s day really articulates that, along with a really sweet feeling of trust and the image of them cleaning up together after a party - which makes perfect sense when you think about canon, and how they’d stick together even after leaving the life-changing experience of shield. even though there’s no more life-changing adventures, they’re still going to be together, and that means something. y’all, this song is really good and the best fsk song ever and you NEED to listen to it.

important lyrics: “Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you And I will hold on to you”

“Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere”

4. don’t go breaking my heart // elton john & kiki dee

look, just let them be happy, okay? also, i really love the trust aspect of this song, which i associate intensely with the fsk relationship. after all of the betrayal and pain and suffering they’ve experienced, i really love thinking about how much all three must trust each other, even in canon. also i wrote a fic where all three danced to this song and now i won’t ever get that image out of my head.

important lyrics: “Don't go breaking my heart I couldn't if I tried Honey, if I get restless Baby, you're not that kind”

“And nobody told us 'Cause nobody showed us And now it's up to us, babe Whoa, I think we can make it“

5. dancing in the dark // bruce springsteen

okay, this song is a bit darker than the others but i am a secret lover of springsteen, shh. also the mood works VERY well for three agents of shield who haven’t gotten a break since they left college. i really like the idea of them making their own happiness in the middle of the darkness together, because that’s part of why i’m so emotional about them! they are each others’ safe space and protector!

important lyrics: “You can't start a fire Sitting 'round crying over a broken heart This gun's for hire Even if we’re just dancing in the dark”

6. born to be yours // kygo & imagine dragons

heck yeah, let’s talk about the fact that no one in the ot3 would be the same if they hadn’t met the others! not just that, but the fact that they support each other and are a big reason why each of them have made it through the pain of the series with, like, less trauma then they could’ve. fitz was there for daisy when she developed her powers and is the one who talked her into coming back in s4, daisy was there for jemma when she came back from maveth (and in the framework), and jemma and fitz have been supporting each other since they worked things out in s3. also, they know each other insanely well and i think this song does a great job of expressing that!

important lyrics: “I never knew anybody 'til I knew you I never knew anybody 'til I knew you And I know when it rains, oh, it pours And I know I was born to be yours”

7. i choose you // sara bareilles

they! change! together! thank you for coming to my ted talk! also, i’m just... very obsessed with the idea of them choosing to be together, choosing to try to work through their problems, even when there have been so many. i am also obsessed with the idea of them spending their lives together. leave me alone.

important lyrics: “We are not perfect we'll learn from our mistakes And as long as it takes I will prove my love to you I am not scared of the elements I am underprepared, But I am willing And even better I get to be the other half of you”

8. ordinary people // john legend

i really, really love this song, actually? i’m a big fan of a lot of his music lmao. but i like this song specifically because it’s about how complicated love can be sometimes, and i think fsk’s love gets really complicated sometimes! and like, despite it all, they love each other and they’re trying to work it out. but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s really hard sometimes! (shoutout to the fic i titled with a lyric from this song that exemplifies that exactly)

important lyrics: “I know I misbehaved and you made your mistakes And we both still got room left to grow And though love sometimes hurts I still put you first And we'll make this thing work but I think maybe we should take it slow”

9. carry on // fun.

first off, this song has INTENSE post-framework fitz vibes. this is very much how i headcanon his relationship with violence works after they escape from the framework and fuck canon. but also, just, the idea of them all healing together? the idea of them moving on together after shield? poetic cinema. chef’s kiss. they’ve all changed SO MUCH since the show started, and yeah, not all of that change is good! but at least they’re still together.

important lyrics: “You swore and said we are not We are not shining stars This I know I never said we are Though I've never been through hell like that I've closed enough windows to know you can never look back”

10. blackbird // the beatles

i don’t know what about this song reminds me of jemma but something in this song reminds me of jemma, and fitz and daisy helping her heal. regardless, i am So Into them helping each other heal! mostly because the way that the show refuses to give them a break is SO FRUSTRATING. (also it tends to involve them being soft with each other and i am Weak.)

important lyrics: “Blackbird singing in the dead of night Take these broken wings and learn to fly”

11. thunder road // bruce springsteen

this is probably my second favorite song of all time. i am Absolutely Unbiased For Sure. regardless, i adore the imagery of this song, the contrast between the poetic feeling of it and the down-to-earth lyrics. this song, to me, is about people coming back to each other at the end of a long long journey. being in love while tired and recovering from a long, painful, messy life. and that just fits them... so well.

important lyrics: “Well now I'm no hero That's understood All the redemption I can offer girl Is beneath this dirty hood”

“With a chance to make it good somehow Hey what else can we do now Except roll down the window And let the wind blow back your hair? Well the night's busting open These two lanes will take us anywhere“

(y’all do not understand how hard it was to not copy All The Lyrics. you really really have to listen to this song.)

12. the long and winding road // the beatles

EXACTLY THE SAME THING THAT I SAID FOR THE LAST SONG. god this song works so well for them. they are never going to be able to leave each other because they’re so interconnected and yeah, part of that is circumstance, but so MUCH of that is CHOICE. they CHOSE to spend time together, they CHOSE to spend time together, i’m getting emotional over here.

important lyrics: “The long and winding road That leads to your door Will never disappear I've seen that road before It always leads me here Lead me to you door”

13. the archer // taylor swift

this is THE definitive daisy pov song. try to tell me i’m wrong. you can’t. daisy showing vulnerability is a BIG DEAL because of how easily she deflects things! she shows vulnerability to people she loves, most notably mack, coulson, fitz, and jemma! it physically pains me to think about how much she trusts them, y’all. there’s also this sense of melancholy throughout the song, because she’s never going to be the person that she once was. I’m Upset, Y’all.

important lyrics: “Combat, I'm ready for combat I say I don't want that, but what if I do? 'Cause cruelty wins in the movies I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you Easy they come, easy they go I jump from the train, I ride off alone I never grew up, it's getting so old Help me hold onto you”

14. army of angels // the script

this song is courtesy of @theclaravoyant, who recommended this as THE fsk song, and i think she’s very right! they fight TOGETHER, y’all. i’m very emo about it. their love is TRANSCENDENT and helps them OVERCOME their obstacles and i’m Really Upset About It, okay?? this song especially sounds like jemma’s voice, but it works so well for any of them and i Love It.

important lyrics: “When they got me cornered Close to giving in Oh I feel you round me like a second skin”

15. paper rings // taylor swift

*sobbing* i just want them to be HAPPY. i think part of my feelings about this song stem from, like, how fsk manages to find love during really, really dark times? and manages to be in love with each OTHER during the events of the show, which are VERY DARK as i think we can agree. and yet they managed to get together! and they managed to stick together! and idk, y’all, i’m just so soft for permanent partnerships and people being Married(tm) and this song brings that in SPADES.

important lyrics: “Kiss me once 'cause I know you had a long night Kiss you twice 'cause it's gonna be alright Three times 'cause you waited your whole life”

“I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings Uh huh, that's right Darling, you're the one I want, and I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this“

16. lucky // jason mraz & colbie caillat

this song just SCREAMS domesticity to me and no it’s absolutely NOT because i used a lyric from this song to title my collection of domestic fsk ficlets, i have no idea where you would get such a ridiculous idea. they are all BEST FRIENDS okay and they’re in LOVE and they come HOME TO EACH OTHER at the end of the day. they genuinely like spending time together. god, this song is so cute, i love it so much.

important lyrics: “I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend Lucky to have been where I have been Lucky to be coming home again Lucky we're in love in every way Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed Lucky to be coming home someday”

17. wonderwall // zella day

before you tell me i’m being stupidly cliche, look at the artist. and then realize that the artist doesn’t make a different for how cliche i’m being. first off, this is such a wlw song (google that one car commercial if you don’t believe me) and skimmons is kind of. my peak wlw song. but also this song is so lovely because it’s about people persevering through challenges to be together, even their own feelings, and that’s VERY good and VERY fsk. i’m just very gay, alright? leave me alone.

important lyrics: “And all the roads we have to walk are winding And all the lights that lead us there are blinding There are many things that I would like to say to you But I don't know how Because maybe You're gonna be the one that saves me And after all You're my wonderwall”

18. team // noah cyrus

this song is from @bobbimorseisbisexual’s fsk playlist (thanks al i love you) and it’s VERY GOOD for this ship. god, i have so many emotions about them being on the same team (which is part of why it’s so FRUSTRATING when the show tries to split them up-). especially because trust is such a big aspect of their relationship? look, these are three people who have been betrayed a lot, even by each other. it’s so IMPORTANT that they trust each other to be on the same team!! (also this song is one of the only songs i’ve ever heard that’s apparently singing to both a man and a woman, and i’m gonna ignore the fact that it’s a duet. let me have my poly songs.)

important lyrics: “Whenever you're winning I'll give you strength, boy And I'll share your name, girl 'Cause I'll always be on your, I'll always be on your team Yeah, I'll always be on your team”

19. i melt with you // modern english

this song is sponsored by @florchis, who not only was the person that first told me about this song but also named her entire fsk collection after one of the lyrics. she has very good taste. first off i love how high-energy and happy this song is. declaring your love for someone is a VERY fun thing to do in the best of circumstances! and i just love the idea of them taking time for each other in the middle of all of their shield business. i love them so much, y’all.

important lyrics: “Moving forward using all my breath Making love to you was never second best I saw the world crashing all around your face (let me hear you) Never really knowing it was always mesh and lace (c'mon)”

“I'll stop the world and melt with you You've seen the difference And it's getting better all the time There's nothing you and I won't do”

20. cornelia street // taylor swift

YES, i know this is the FOURTH tswift song on this list. she’s really good at songwriting, okay? also... y’all.. the VULNERABILITY. the LONGING. the idea of having to deal with the very real fear of loss fits VERY well for a ship where everyone involved is in mortal danger three times a week. also, the idea of never being able to separate the memories of a place from the people? that’s peak fsk. i know i keep saying this but they’re all HUGELY INFLUENTIAL on each other and it’s a BIG DEAL!! they’re never going to get over this relationship, this love, and I’m Never Going To Get Over Them.

important lyrics: “And I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends I'd never walk Cornelia Street again That's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend I'd never walk Cornelia Street again”

21. coroner’s report // molly ofgeography (aka @ofgeography)

first off, everyone should listen to this ENTIRE ALBUM because it’s VERY GOOD. secondly, i know this song is really sad but imagine this as steeling yourself for the series finale. canonverse fsk hurts SO MUCH, y’all, and i love them so much. the metaphor in this song is *chef’s kiss* and the guilt of losing love is.... yeah. i’m sad. please be sad with me.

important lyrics: “How do you bury love, and what gets carved into the stone? If I had waited by the window would love be safe and back at home?”

“We held hands in the procession, black and veiled and strange You said, ‘love was good when love was here,’ it didn't ease the ache“

22. two // sleeping at last

okay i definitely think that part of this is me being an extreme 2 and therefore considering this song the Peak of Romance. which is probably a little unhealthy but leave me alone. i don’t know enough about enneagram types to diagnose any of the ot3, but definitely this song resembles all of them to some extent, especially daisy. (i am in pain.) this song, to me, feels like daisy pining for fs in canonverse. (i am in PAIN.) she would ABSOLUTELY give parts of herself up for them and count on the fact that they wouldn’t notice. god, this hurts so much. i love this song so much. if it helps, i think in a happier universe they all also sacrifice parts of themselves for the others? which hurts too but in a good way.

important lyrics: “Tell me, is something wrong? If something's wrong, you can count on me You know I'll take my heart clean apart if it helps yours beat”

“I just want to build you up, build you up 'Til you're good as new And maybe one day I will get around to fixing myself too“

23. fair // the amazing devil

this song is CRIMINALLY unknown. GO LISTEN TO IT RIGHT NOW AND THEN MEET ME BACK HERE. this song just screams fsk at me. the humor, the depths of love, the good-natured resentment, the depths of love... god. it’s so good. i definitely think the strength of their emotions for each other overwhelm them sometimes. i think they find comfort with each other, i think they tease each other, i think they’re disgustingly in love all the time. god.

important lyrics: “She promises to fight them all when it all becomes too much And he, he curses at the world for Leaving him behind and he's falling out of touch And she is stronger than he's ever been he knows And she brushes her hand through His hair, he's got so much fucking hair”

“And he holds her close just to keep the world at bay And when they're sure no-one can hear them She'll turn to him to say, she'll turn to him and say It's not fair, It's not fair how much I love you“

(yes i DID copy more than i’ve been copying for the rest, because the songwriting in this song and album are PHENOMENAL and YES i will harass y’all until you listen to it because LOOK AT HOW GOOD IT IS.)

24. arms unfolding // dodie

i know, i know, this is a really short song. but it’s really pretty and i think it fits daisy, like, extremely well. think about daisy during early s4, specifically. she loves them enough to break down her walls. that’s what this song is about. and that’s what i’m gonna go cry over now. god this post is so long what the heck.

important lyrics: “Hope I'm not tired of rebuilding 'Cause this might take a little more I think I'd like to try Look at you And feel the way I did before”

“You know I could live without or with you But I might like having you about“

25. making love out of nothing at all // air supply

okay, so i admit it, i’m actually a HUGE fan of really cheesy 80s music. but i really love this song for them? especially jemma. i think it fits jemma really well. first off, it’s that good old vulnerability with admitting that she doesn’t know everything! and it’s admitting that she specifically doesn’t know what she’s doing with this relationship! and admitting how much she loves both of them even though she might not have wanted to! and i think she’s just... so amazed, so so amazed at the way that fitz and daisy are able to forgive and be loving even when they’re in the worst situations? which is definitely a big message of this song. (oh jemma, i love you and your violent tenancies. i see al’s valid criticisms and i am Loving You Anyway.)

important lyrics: “I know all the rules and then I know how to break 'em And I always know the name of the game But I don't know how to leave you And I'll never let you fall”

“And I don't know how you do it Making love out of nothing at all”

jesus CHRIST this got long. i actually also had a bunch more songs that i didn’t have a LOT to say about but i thought they fit anyways, so uh, honorable mentions:

can’t help falling in love // elvis presley (”wise men say only fools rush in / but i can’t help falling in love with you”)

the longest time // billy joel (they’ve influenced each other)

after all // peter cetera & cher (they’re never going to be able to forget the influence they have on each other)

leave a tender moment alone // billy joel (daisy pov for skimmons. that is all)

she // dodie (i am Soft and Gay and skimmons is also Soft and Gay)

bremen // pigpen theatre co. (honestly idk what to say here, it’s just The Vibe)

say something // a great big world (similar vibe to ordinary people)

saturn // sleeping at last (Science and also Influence On Each Other)

celeste // ezra vine (thanks to al for this one too, i REALLY want to write a fic about them and this song at some point)

 you’re the inspiration // chicago (i just love the sound of this song. also i think all of them - but jemma especially - are inspired by the others to be better)

[thtdamfangirl4]

1.) Who eats all the snacks?

kind of all of them but something inside me is saying it’s octavius? @harps-for-days can you confirm or deny?

2.) Most likely to break something?

obviously Reginald

3.) Most likely to steal something?

Octavius

4.) Most likable character to others?

ooooh. that’s tough. I think (no offense) it’s definitely not Reginald or Dorian. Reginald is insane and Dorian can be scary. I think people kind of wish they were Octavius but he can also be a lil intimidating and jealousy plays a part so some petty bitches probably hate him. I think Jasper can be kind of quiet and standoffish at first so he doesn’t always leave a lasting impression until you have a full conversation with him, which is when people realize he’s great. I think people generally like Archie but he can be like A LOT, so I wouldn’t say him, but he is definitely well-liked, and unless you’re a PTA bitch named Jessica, he is desperate for you to like him. But for most likeable, I’s say it is probably down to Eustace or Nathaniel. Eustace is kind and lovely and a little snarky when you get to know him and Nathaniel is so sweet and sarcastic and funny but terribly genuine at the same time and let’s be perfectly honest: he’s a himbo. I’d give the edge to Nathaniel, but it’s possible that I’m biased.

5.) Least likable character to others?

my first instinct here was reginald but like... I don’t think so. I think though Reginald is strange as fuck, we’ve discussed that people eat that shit up. Reginald is like human Gritty. I want to guess that it would be Dorian because he just does not give a fuck what anyone thinks. And I know the people on the HOA hate him, so. And that’s not to say people don’t love Dorian, he’s the best and I love him and so do lots. But I feel like he causes the most beef. My only other thought is the way basic blonde bitches who were bullies in high school probably hate Octavius (but secretly want to be his best friend) because he wears heels and skirt better than they do. Stay mad about it.

6.) Most talkative character?

Archibald. Quincy. Pemberton.

7.). Least talkative character?

dude they’re based on us and literally none of us ever shut up. Maybe Dorian? Eustace?

8.) Most likely to set something on fire?

how is this even a question. Rabbit Boi himself, Reginald Worthington.

9.) Who would/does own the most pets?

I think it’s Nate and Archie? They have four dogs at one point. Though I would not be surprised to find out that Reginald has an entire condominium simply filled with exotic birds that squawk furiously at him every time he shows up. 

10.) Most manipulative character?

oh god. Dorian? He technically manipulated everything and made the bois show up in 2020 to get out of marrying someone, and he’s the kind of guy who will do whatever it takes to get what he wants (read: he will do whatever it takes for Octavius or any of the bois or to spite bigots and the patriarchy) and we RESPECT it

11.) Most artistically talented?

i mean, archie can decorate baked goods and cakes so beautifully, but I’m gonna give this one to the obvious choice: Octavius Sinclair

12.) Which characters hate rain, and which love it?

I actually think all of them like rain? They’re largely (sometimes) depressed gays or otherwise very immature so like? For example, Reginald loves the rain because it’s sort of chaotic and also he likes to splash in puddles. Jasper likes the excuse to stay inside all day and work on writing or something. Eustace likes to pretend he’s in a sad music video while watching the droplets go down the window. Octavius likes to force Dorian to reenact the first proposal scene from Pride and Prejudice. Dorian likes to light candles and he loves thunderstorms (so does Octavius btw). Archie likes to drag Nate outside for kisses in the rain while playing Sparks Fly by Taylor Swift, and then bake all day. Nathaniel likes being dragged out for kisses in the rain and he loves drinking coffee and then switching to tea in the rain and reading on a window bench. They are all rain bitches, sorry not sorry.

13.) Which character is the hoarder?

Reginald is definitely the worst about this, but I also think Octavius cannot go to an antique store or estate sale without buying at least four things, and Dorian does the same thing with any sort of vintage weaponry or armor, so their household isn’t great about it either.

14.) Sweetest couple?

Natchie. No this isn’t bias, it’s just a fact okay? They are the sweetest!!!!

15.) Who loves reading the most?

Nathaniel. fuckin nerd.

16.) Who has the worst sweet tooth?

Archie. I mean, the man is a baker and he’s also me. So.

17.) Best and worst kissers?

LMAOOOOO okay.... so here’s the thing. I think kissing and level of skill comes into play to a certain degree, but past a basic level of acceptability, it’s mostly about compatibility? but I’ll give this a go in terms of what I think would be pure skill

from worst to best: Jasper, Reginald, Eustace, Octavius, Nathaniel, Archie, Dorian (once you get to Octavius, you’re at a fairly elite level of kisser though so the differences are marginal. but Dorian and Archie are the biggest hoes so they know what the fuck they are doing)

18.) Best and worst cooks?

from worst to best: Dorian, Reginald, Jasper, Nathaniel, Eustace, Octavius, Archie

19.) Who is afraid of the dark?

Jasper

20.) Most likely to fall asleep on their job?

I honestly only remember what Nathaniel, Archie, and Eustace’s jobs are for sure? and it’s none of them. But Reginald. MAYBE Jasper.

21.) Most commonly found drunk?

Octavius and Archie (often together)

22.) Strongest/most powerful character?

well, Dorian’s got some witchy stuff goin on which I love, but if we’re talking physical strength I like to think that Nathaniel is secretly jacked like Chidi on the Good Place lmao

23.) Most likely to be found in a coffee shop?

Nathaniel. This bitch drinks so much coffee, I swear. Plus he likes to grade papers there sometimes.

24.) Most clumsy character?

Jasper

25.) Most trustworthy character?

again, this is hard. I think it’s either Eustace or Archie. I think they’re all very trustworthy on like a friend level, but if you break it down to its base and you think about the most trustworthy in every situation, i’m thinking, who can you tell a secret to? Reginald might forget what you told him, which is a plus, but he also might tell any Doug who asks your juiciest gossip. Dorian and Octavius are not above blackmail and they LOVE gossip. Jasper is such a bad secret keeper, you immediately know he’s hiding something. It’s like Nick Miller on New Girl. Don’t do it. Nathaniel will try but his brain is always spinning at like 100 miles an hour so there’s a good chance he’ll tell people even if he didn’t really mean to. And then it comes down to Eustace and Archie, and I think I’m gonna give the edge to Archie. Cause Eustace won’t tell anyone your secret EXCEPT that  he will tell Tyler because he tells Tyler everything, and if it’s a good secret, Tyler can’t help himself, he’s such a gossip. But Archie knows that sometimes, he does not need to pass on the secret that was entrusted to him to Nathaniel, because this is the kind of secret that would probably hurt someone if Nathaniel accidentally told someone. He tells Nathaniel everything he needs to know, and if he doesn’t need to know and it’s not really their business, he knows to keep it to himself. So... Archie.

[florrickandassociates]

TGF Thoughts: 4x07-- The Gang Discovers Who Killed Jeffrey Epstein

What a weird episode. 

This episode is something else. The writers REALLY overestimated how much the audience (or at least the fandom) liked the pee tape and Melania divorce episodes if they thought this was a good idea.

My recollection of those episodes is that because everything was fake-but-real, the stakes wound up feeling lower and I stopped caring, and when I’m not on board with the plot, the surreal shit and the whimsy feel more annoying than innovative. This episode might fare slightly better in my opinion than the other two because of its central device (more on that later) but it’s (somehow!!!) even more audacious and wild than the episodes that came before. Not my favorite look for the show. 

I DO like the tributes to musicians we’ve lost to COVID-19 that play over the credits.My one quibble is that they could’ve used a little card to inform viewers what’s going on and why. Last week I caught the artist in the captions but this week I missed it (or it wasn’t there), though I figured out pretty quickly it was John Prine.

Starting off an episode with Liz is always a good choice. 

Liz and Marissa are, for reasons we’ll discover later, in New York and investigating Jeffrey Epstein’s “suicide.” 

It drives me INSANE that Marissa consistently has the sound on her phone on. I think we’d know she was taking pictures without it. 

Liz’s old boss, Wilbur Dincon, has tasked Liz to independently investigate what happened. If this case goes well, RBL will get more business from the DOJ.

I’m sorry, did you just say “S-H-U” instead of pronouncing it like “shoe”? I mean, I’m an expert on prisons because I watched Orange is the New Black so I know it should be said like “shoe.” (tbh i have no idea if one is more correct than the other)

This case has lots of details but it’s really only the thematic points that matter, so I likely won’t discuss any plot points… just what they’re going for. 

Good to know Liz was ahead of the curve on knowing Epstein was a dangerous creep. 

Liz is promised she can investigate anyone she wants and think outside the box. Sure. I believe this as much as I believe Diane is in charge of pro-bono stuff because STR Laurie has great intentions.

“Synergy” is such a great bullshit word. Has everyone ever said it for a reason other than the following three: (1) To mock the word synergy (2) as a euphemism for cost-cutting measures that will fuck over employees (3) because they think it sounds professional and want to cover up the fact they don’t know what they’re talking about?

In this case, “synergy” means that RBL needs to cut their payroll by 20%. Fun times.

Diane and Adrian (Liz is downstairs) are not happy about this, even when Mr. Firth reminds them it’s more money for them. They’d rather have less money personally but happier employees since they’re not soulless.

Mr. Firth says they have to do the layoffs. But if it’s any consolation, they get to hand pick who to lay off!

The dogs are still being walked through RBL, in case it wasn’t clear enough that STRL sucks.

The whole firm gets to work on sorting through the Epstein evidence. Liz tries to keep things organized-- murder evidence on one side, suicide evidence on the other.

Associates, however, immediately begin interpreting the word “evidence” loosely. Is there a photo of Epstein with someone they’d like to suspect of murder? Then it’s “evidence of murder”. Ok, Leah. 

As expected, this immediately turns into bickering over politics. Sorry Liz-- it’s going to be tough to keep your staff on target with this one. 

“No! No conspiracy theories. No insane charges. Everything we do, we need evidence, so let’s start here.” Ah, if only everyone could think like Liz.

The room focuses on evidence for about two minutes. Then they find a way to make it about conspiracies again. Go team! 

Also everyone at RBL thinks they have better knowledge than professional medical examiners of the marks left on someone’s neck after they hang themselves. They also all believe that pretending to strangle themselves is the best way to prove their point. It’s a hilarious sight for Diane and Adrian to happen upon.

Adrian and Diane immediately start seeing their employees as numbers and imagining the cost savings of laying them off. Marissa is making $89,000 a year with three years of experience. Jay is making $89,000/year with eight years. Damn, that is so unfair to Jay. (I could see it if Marissa is more vocal about wanting higher pay or if they’re more concerned with losing her… but being vocal about money is probably closely related to Marissa’s privilege and there is zero evidence Marissa is any better, more efficient, or more hardworking than Jay!)  I can’t remember how this plot ended last year, but I thought Jay ended up making more than Marissa after he complained?

Adrian seems to see Jay as the more disposable of the investigators, which is quite sad, especially since from what we see, Marissa and Jay seem to be equally skilled. 

I wish we got to see the salaries, rather than just billable hours, of the other associates. But I’m glad they finally get last names! 

Kevin Walker has been at the firm 7 years and has 2643 billable hours.

Diane imagines the red X over Marissa. I can’t tell if the Xs are to demonstrate who they think they should cut or just to show deliberations. 

Lucca has been at the firm for 4 years and has 2788. Her title is “associate” but shouldn’t it be “Head of Family Law”? 

Leah Davis has been at the firm for 3 years and has 2657 billable hours.

Jancie Muncy has been at the firm 11 years with 2456 hours; Micah Carroll has been there 5 with 2582 hours. John Danzette with 6 years and 2074 hours; Rosalyn Brock with 4 years and 1991 hours (we learn later she was on medical leave for part of the year). Josh Withers with 11 years and 2162. Linda Keller with 2 years and 2389; Mike Roberts with 3 years and 2147. So what I’m getting is that Lucca has the most billable hours of everyone? 

I wish it told us their salaries. How much do the billable hours matter if we don’t know how much $ each hour is worth?

I really like this device. It’s a good way of showing how tough this decision is and how dehumanizing the process becomes. 

Adrian jumps into the conversation and tries to convince everyone Epstein’s suicide isn’t a conspiracy-- it’s just incompetence. Apparently he has a sink that breaks every week and no plumber can fix it because they are all incompetent. I understand this analogy-- no one does their job perfectly 100% of the time-- but I am really concerned about Adrian’s sink. This sounds like a bigger issue than incompetence.

“People do just enough work to get by,” is a very true statement though. I have often thought that it’s kind of incredible the world is as functional as it is. 

If you have 4 or 5 conveniently incompetent breakdowns at once, though, I’m not sure I believe it’s purely incompetence. Feels a bit convenient. 

Diane jumps in and makes a case for why the conspiracy is also likely. This strikes me as counterproductive since what REALLY needs to happen here is for the associates to dig through the evidence. Why not go back to Liz’s original system where they look through the evidence and see where it leads them? 

Lots of news footage and photographs in this one.

Diane’s larger point seems to tie back into Memo 618: “We all have to obey the law. I mean, if we’re told we have to check into with the police every 90 days, we do it. But certain people don’t have to. They’re given special treatment.” Diane claims this is America-- “a special fucking off-ramp for the well-connected.” 

Isn’t it possible both are true? That there’s a lot of incompetence and also systems in place that protect the rich and powerful? Also none of this is evidence!!! 

(I do like this scene for showing Adrian’s POV (cynical about human nature) vs Diane’s (fed up with the government and the treatment of the ultra wealthy). And the show can’t really dig into evidence they don’t actually possess. But evidence-free speeches don’t seem productive!)

Liz is like, okay then… and splits the room into three groups to look at evidence. I am glad Diane and Adrian helped her so much.

Liz is NOT happy about the layoffs when Diane and Adrian loop her in. She’s opposed to cutting anyone. Diane says she could lose Kevin, but Liz sees Kevin as someone newer employees look up to. Adrian suggests Lucy (who?) and Liz says that Lucy actually should get a raise. Diane points out this will look bad to the clients. All good points. This seems like an impossible decision.

Case stuff happens. Lucca knows a “hairdresser to the stars” through Bianca.

And now for some scenes where Diane and Julius try to report Memo 618 to the government and do the right thing! The Kings have said these were intended for episode 8, and while they don’t really feel that out of place since there’s clearly a thematic link between 618 and Epstein’s connections, this bit of info explains two things: (1) Why this ep is 53 minutes long when it feels like it could make its point in less time and (2) why the Julius stuff that happens later in the episode feels a bit anticlimactic because so much else is also happening. My guess is in an episode where it’s more of the focal point it would feel like a much bigger deal.

Do you ever just see a shot of Diane and think, “Damn, Taylor Swift does really look like a young Diane?” Because I do. All the time.

Lucca visits the famous hairdresser and he makes time for her right away. And he gives her a letter from Epstein that he (a) has in his possession and (b) has in an unlocked drawer in his salon. Whatever. 

Lucca convinces him to let her have it, and RBL makes a video to establish chain of custody. I’m shocked we’ve never seen them do this before.

“It is Thursday, May 21st, 2020” Liz says. Nah. You’re in an office. It is not. 

The envelope contains a key, a secret code, and a letter that says “If I’m dead, watch out for BUD”. Welp, there goes any hope of this not turning into RBL chasing conspiracies! 

Rumors about layoffs (40%! Just paralegals! Everyone!) have spread, in case there wasn’t enough chaos. 

The partners are indeed discussing who to fire, and they can’t decide on anyone. So they decide it’s time to get out from under STRL and buy themselves out. It’ll take 20 million, but they can pull that together. 

This would play better if we knew why they decided to sell to STRL in the first place. Who WOULDN’T have seen this coming? 

Liz tells Adrian not to make any promises he can’t keep and he is like, this is like our marriage. Diane is still in the room which is awkward and funny.

Marissa finds “BUD” on a blueprint. A clue! Meanwhile, Lucca and Jay (really, Jay) figure out the code. 

This is the portion of the episode where I can leave the show playing on my phone and go check Twitter instead of writing any commentary. 

Julius gets arrested for speaking out about Memo 618! It feels less impactful than it should when it’s sandwiched between a bunch of scenes following the conspiracy. (Also I am a little surprised they didn’t have Julius and Diane go to the press before the government.)

The conference room squabbles again and Liz asks, again, to tone down the conspiracy theories. They instead begin fighting about even more conspiracy theories.

Unless there’s another conference room scene later, I think this was the moment I understood what the Kings were doing and started to like the episode more. As soon as I realized “BUD” was a Citizen Kane reference, I burst out laughing. This episode plays way better when you know the point they’re trying to make is that this is a lot of fuss that will ultimately be futile (though Marissa and Jay DO come close to finding BUD) than when you’re supposed to be riveted by watching people debate fake evidence. 

Why does Eli Gold have a cheerleader friend? Who knows! Who cares! 

Adrian suggests that he, Diane, and Liz involve their own homes in the scheme to getting 20 million dollars. Liz objects since she’s a single mom-- very fair. Adrian argues that they’ve done well in the past so they’ll get it back. Liz and Diane attack that idea before I can-- if that were really true, they never would have sold to STRL. 

Liz mentions losing ChumHum and the fallout from her dad’s scandal and then says “let us not forget why we joined STRL in the first place.” I feel like that line would work better if the “let us not forget…” came before the “we lost ChumHum”. Because we don’t actually KNOW why they joined STRL. And, as I said in a previous recap, I can roll with it for the sake of plot, but I can’t take lines like “let us not forget why we joined STRL” seriously when there was LITERALLY NO ON SCREEN DELIBERATION about it. 

Adrian says STRL doesn’t value them, their employees, their history, or their culture. To which I say, DUH. Why would you think they did?  

The only important thing about this cheerleader is that she’s played by the amazing Donna Lynne Champlin. Kind of sad she’s in this silly, non-recurring role. She’s so good. (Also she was totally on TGW playing a different role, shhhh). (Go watch Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, everyone!)

CONSPIRACY THEORIES! It’s another conference room scene. Maybe this is where I realized it was a Citizen Kane reference? But I think it was the earlier one.

Hey, it’s another Julius scene. Watching these and knowing they were meant for a different episode, I can’t help but notice that they do feel like pieces of the A plot of a different episode. The whole system is rigged, Julius and Diane realize.

Adrian, Liz, and Diane tell Mr. Firth they want out. Mr. Firth tells them they need to cobble together an impossible 80 million, not 20 million, because not all of the partners have been bringing in more revenue more than they used to. You see, Diane hasn’t been bringing in any money because she’s been in charge of the pro bono department. Ah.There’s the catch. 

I’m shocked they went up to Mr. Firth without reading every inch of that contract. Aren’t you guys partners at a law firm? I’m shocked Diane went ahead with taking charge of pro bono without looking for a catch. This sucks for the character and all, but how are these name partners at a liberal firm that’s seen more than its fair share of drama this naive about big corporations!? This plot twist is devastating… until I start to think about all the things they had to believe to get to this point. 

Still, it’s satisfying to hear Diane hiss “you fucker!” at Mr. Firth. 

Mr. Firth turns into a villain quite nicely. I wonder if we’ll see more of him next year. My guess is the remaining three episodes were going to tie together the corporate overlords plot and Memo 618 and wrap everything up more or less with a bow so they could do a new concept next year. I feel like they’ll either move on completely and tell us what happened, or do an episode like 2x02 (the one that wraps up all the Maia/Rindell Fund stuff in one go so it doesn’t hang over s2).

Dincon drops by unexpectedly and isn’t impressed with what Liz and the team have done, since all they’ve done is collect conspiracy theories (and possibly travel all over the country? Jay and Marissa go to the Virgin Islands; it is unclear if the architect and key maker and lawyer and everyone else were in Chicago…

In Dincon’s defense these conspiracy theories sound like complete nonsense. 

Dincon shuts the RBL team down, but Marissa and Jay are still off adventuring.

Diane asks Dincon what Memo 618 is because Epstein’s life was built on it. “Then you have your answer,” Dincon replies. This scene is another tell that those Julius scenes weren’t meant for 4x07. 

Aaaaand now we get the direct parallels to Citizen Kane, with some shot-for-shot remakes and even a sled (ha!).

There’s a secret door! Marissa and Jay are excited to investigate! Marissa references Parasite, which I haven’t seen yet because I’m awful at watching movies.

Marissa and Jay find nothing and leave. “I think we lost track of the real story: the underage girls,” Marissa realizes. Yup. That is the takeaway. Looking at all these conspiracies is fun but useless, and the most important truth has already been uncovered. 

After Marissa and Jay leave, we get to see what was in the secret room… BUD is Epstein’s penis. And… that’s a wrap on season 4? What a fucking weird way to end a season. 

[icefire149]

 tagged by @friedchickenangelwings 

Thank you so much!!! <3 I’m a scaredy cat to start chatting so I’m always stunned and happy when this happens <3

Okay. Let’s Gooooooooooooooooo

rules: answer 28 questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better.

1. name/nickname: Rachel

2. gender: she/her

3. star sign:  gemini sun, leo moon  (I’m sorry)

4. height: 5′1 &1/2 

5. time: about 9:23pm

6. birthday: 5/27

7. favorite bands/groups: (honestly just slap any pop-punk band at me and i’ll be happy) FOB, P!ATD, MCR, Green Day, Walk the Moon, Florence and the Machine, All Time Low

8. favorite solo artists: Hozier, Taylor Swift

9. song stuck in my head: It’s a tie between:  Hello My Old Heart  and Achilles come down

10. last movie: A Christmas Story 

11. last show: Supernatural. Just finished the mix tape episode. [yet AGAIN. i’M ASKING how did Cas know the colt was under Dean’s pillow]

12. when did i create this blog: Oh gods, I’ve been here since February 2012. I’ve never really left. My activity has skyrocketed lately though because it’s the only way I can process spn ending and my stressed out life. Also Cas being able to say I love you has given me permission to just reblog the fuck out of destiel posts instead of just lurking.

13. what do i post: These days it’s 99% spn, which is nice because I feel like I’m falling in love with the show again and I haven’t had time to obsess over it in years. Otherwise this is always a whatever is on my mind blog: movies, books, tv shows, video games, mythology.

14. last thing googled: The definition of a word I was second guessing myself on while I work.

15. other blogs: None at the moment. I absolutely should divide my insanity but alas here we are.

16. do i get asks: It’s rare. The ask box is always open so stop on by and tell me fun facts or what the new spn discussion is.

17. why i chose my url: It’s funny because most people assume it’s an ASOIAF reference because I’m obsessed with those books, but I’ve had this url YEARS before I read those books. It’s actually a warrior cats reference. Well the old website moons ago had a: plug in your name and something else thing and we calculate your warrior cat name. And I got Icefire. And obviously it stuck.

18. following: 1498

19. followers: 1068 (Hi everyone! I love you)

20. average hours of sleep: This is a loaded question. I have a lot of sleep issues. It honestly varies on the day but ideally I’d feel healthy if it was 8-11 hours. I’m lucky if I hit 4-6.

21. lucky number: 13

22. instruments: Drums and tambourine 

23. what am i wearing: brown tank top and old mickey mouse pj pants and there’s a huge tear down the side of the ass/thigh. I keep forgetting to sew it.

24. dream job: Being on a writing team for a cool high profile project. Otherwise I think dreaming of running a bookshop sounds lovely.

25. dream trip: Anywhere is fine as long as I have my best peeps with me.

26. favorite food: Garlic bread.

27. nationality: Northeastern USA

28. favorite song: I’m not sure if I have a 1 favorite song. It honestly varies on the moment / my mental state. Train’s 50 ways to say goodbye has been a mainstay on my playlists for several years (and I’m sure I’ve annoyed my old roommates in the past enough with it) so I’ll go with that.

29. last book read: Winds of Fury - Mercedes Lackey

30. top three fictional universes i’d like to live in: I’m really not sure. Supernatural I guess. Maybe if I’m lucky I’d get to share my body with a plucky angel needing a vessel. 

Thanks again ~

I’m tagging: @mandsand , @jingles-cosplay , @david-loves-simon , @heller-jensen , @demoncas 

No pressure to go through and do this ask game. Only if you want to and if anyone else not tagged that wants to do it, please go ahead. Tag me to let me know <3

[fatui-harbingers]

I really don't understand why Taylor Swift and Daenerys Targaryen get so much hate! Almost all of it is unearned too.

Taylor is hated for writing songs about her life and experiences? For dating people? Wtf? How is any of that wrong? I mean, other artists have actually done bad things (committed crimes!) and they're still loved and supported but Taylor just exists and people are hating on her lol. Like get a life already!

And people calling her a bad lgbt+ ally is so freaking annoying. She was not making it all about her. She was saying everyone should chill and celebrate themselves and each other. And I'm part of the lgbt+ community so my opinion is valid on this subject. I don't see many other celebrities celebrating this community, especially ones as popular as Taylor Swift! She's seriously using her platform to do right by this community and she's still not a good enough ally? Please! She's a lovely human being and is trying to help people so just relax! My gosh.

Daenerys freed slaves for no other reason than to help people bc she was once a slave, whether you think she was or not. She understands what it's like! And she doesn't want that for anyone, so, she uses what power she has and does what she can to help people with it. She holds privileged men accountable for their actions and their crimes, but she's the villain? Yeah, no. That's not what's happening here! I know none of us are used to seeing men held accountable for their actions or crimes but the fact that people try to say it's a bad thing for someone with the power to deliver true justice, to make rapists and slavers pay for what they've done, that's just messed up y'all. I prefer to see the privileged held accountable for the injustices they've committed than not, sorry not sorry.

And people thinking she's gonna go mad just bc her dad did (after years of trauma iirc and ya know, Varys)? That's a kinda dangerous way to think. Daenerys has two parents, like everyone else, just in case anyone forgot. Rhaella wasn't mad even after pretty much a lifetime of abuse.

These two women are just awesome and yeah, they've made mistakes but so has every other human being that has ever lived. They just seem to be hated bc they're confident young women with power and influence and are unapologetic about it. Almost every reason I've seen someone hate them for is so obviously rooted in misogyny, even coming from self-proclaimed feminists, it's ridiculous! It's 2019 and people are still afraid of powerful women. It's just crazy to me! I'll never understand.

Obviously, you don't have to stan or even like either of these women but to hate them for the most ridiculous reasons and try to paint them as something they're not just to try and justify your hate for one or both of them is just insane.

[lukeysgirl]

The Note Tree ❋ L.H. Pt.8

Part E I G H T 

Summary: A cherry blossom tree, residing at the farthest part of the schools courtyard. Nobody dwelled there, and you didn’t care much for it. Until you kept hearing one song played over and over, with lyrics changed to touch at your curiosity. They knew you were listening, and one day you gave in and made your way to the pink tree. Waiting for you, a series of notes tied to a single strand of string.

Word Count: 3.5k

AN: im so so so so so so fucking sorry for my absence. like seriously, i want to apologize. ive been so demotivated and my recent family loss has made me crash quite a bit. and for that im so incredibly sorry. thank you all who love it and support it so much. im going to try my very best to keep producing parts to make you happy, bc that’s all i want right now aha. so 100 notes please and ill be seeing you :) 

Parts: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty.

I M A G I N E 

Monday

“You were at a diner with Luke yesterday?” Savannah blasted into your ear, having you already dread this Monday morning. 

“Savannah, I haven’t even gotten the chance to eat a single bite of this here granola bar,” you began quietly, already vexed as you held onto your still-wrapped food. “It’s too early for this.” 

You walked down the corridor with the girls, still as exhausted and hungry as you are every day when you’re forced out of bed to attend institution. The girls were dreading it just as much, but once you told them of your small hang out with Luke, they declared it as a date. The squeals, the fangirling, the asking for ‘deats.’ It made you hesitate to tell them what happened between you and Nathan the night of the party. 

“But you were with Luke Hemmings at a diner,” Des began, grabbing your shoulder to halt you. The girls halted as well, guarding both sides of you as Des’ brown eyes gashed into yours. “‘Mr. Popular’ that you claim to dread ever so much. You wouldn’t do that with him if you despised him as much as you say you do.” 

“He was around and I was hungry,” you muttered, the easiest excuse you could think of. “He also had a car, so like, yeah.” 

“Wait.” Alexis grabbed your shoulder and tilted you to face her. “Does that mean he knows?” 

“No,” you responded. “I made him drop me off at a nearby super market and stayed there for a good 2 hours. In that time, I read the nutrition facts of every bread produce they had to offer. And I tell ya, all we eat are straight up chemicals.” 

“Subject changer.” Savannah, took your older shoulder and spun you to face her. You had unutterable words for this very situation. “The real question is how did you go home? You left a long while before we did.” 

“Hemmings didn’t tell you?” You began quietly, having Des quickly spin you. She stared at you, wistfully, her brown eyes attempting to burn into yours. But she’s too busy using fire with ice that cannot melt. You let out a shaky sigh before emitting words. “Holland took me home.” 

“Nathan?” All 3 exclaimed, having you wince from their reactions. It was awful peculiar how those 3 could react so in sync. If they looked similar to one another, you’d assume them to be triplets. 

“The one and only!” 

As if on cue, the blue-eyed stranger chimed behind you. You turned around to look into those eyes, seeing hints of gray playing in the weak blue. His chestnut hair had been messy, but somewhat contained, with a few flowers stuck in it. His salmon lips were lathered in Blistex (you guessed) and the bottom was unfortunately stuck between his perfect pearly whites. Nathan shot you a wink, and you were positive you were going to vomit. 

“This is proving to be a really shitty and cliche sitcom,” you groaned, your words right on time before the bell traumatized the corridors. Students began sprawling around, and that unfortunately meant bidding farewell to the girls. “See you guys later.” 

As Savannah and Alexis said bye and began rushing away, Des looked into Nathan’s eyes. She was glaring at him, which made you snicker. You hadn’t known why she was being silently aggressive, but it was amusing to see such a short entity attempt to be threatening to a tower tall man. But she skipped away, having you adjust your bag before sauntering down the corridor. 

“You’re not gonna tell me why my name was in that conversation just now?” Nathan hummed, walking beside you with curiosity evident in his eyes. You didn’t bother to glance, knowing that if you did, he’ll try to lock eyes and probably further to vex you. 

“If I tell you, will you keep shut about what happened that night?” You asked simply, not really in dire need to keep it a secret. You’d just rather not have people knowing so you didn’t receive obnoxious reactions. 

“Oh-- I don’t intend on telling anyone even before you asked this of me,” Nathan began, having you raise an eyebrow as he placed his hands behind his head. The two of you struggled to get through the crowd, but Nathan just kept spewing words. “It’s something I know and no one else does, so I want to keep this all to myself.” 

“Well, aren’t you a bit--” 

“Selfish? Yes,” Nathan continued and answered for you, having you roll your eyes. You were glad he’d be keeping shut, but now you had to suffer his presence more and more due to this fact. At least, that’s what you guessed. “I was also sorta hoping that we could talk about it.” 

“What the fuck is there to talk about?” You muttered, passing through the sea of students before you. “Anyways, you’re not the only one who knows. My best friends know, too.” 

“Does Luke count?” 

“No.” 

“Then I’m sated,” Nathan hummed, having you groan as you rushed over to find your locker. You fumbled to open the lock, struggling from the intense stare that Nathan had been giving you. But you managed it open and revealed several textbooks as well as photos all over the door. That’s when you noticed a small, folded index card on top of the stack of books. “Is that from the secret admirer?” 

“Stalker,” you corrected as you took the small note in your hands. “Also, why the fuck are you looking into my locker? D’you have any respect?” You slammed the shut and attempted to keep walking, but Nathan was just proving himself to be more of a bother than expected. 

He slammed his forearms against the lockers between yours, having you trapped between them. You had your back leaned on the locker, as that’s how cliche shows and movies do it. He attempted to get you flustered, pushing out his neck more to highlight his jawline more. His blue eyes locked on yours, dimming a bit in intensity. His black, V-collar shirt hung loosely as he had to bend a bit to meet head-to-head. 

“I have no respect,” Nathan growled, having you roll your eyes as you watched students shoot you with stares. You merely shrugged, looking discontent at Nathan as he tried boring his eyes into yours. “None for personal space, especially.” 

“You could be a fuckboy if you aimed for it,” you suggested, crinkling your nose a bit from a sudden itch. “Well, you probably already are if you’re so good at doing this. You must get all the girls and have them write petty songs about you.” 

“They’re good songs, too,” Nathan joked, having you snort quietly before letting out a sigh. Okay, Taylor Swift’s ex. He stared at you, seeming amused and almost satisfied. “What’re you doing for lunch today?” 

“Eating,” you replied simply. Nathan smirked at your respond, giving yourself kudos for your cleverness. 

“No, I mean are you gonna be in the lunch room or at the tree?” Nathan pondered, having you shrug. You played with the note on your right hand, feeling the corners jag into your palm. “Will it be determined by that note?” 

“I don’t know, I’d have to read it,” you huffed, finally reaching your irritated point. “Look, I don’t have math this period, so I’d really like it if you went away so I can use my study hall productively.” 

“But I also have study hall right now,” Nathan hummed, smirking as he bent his fingers a bit against the cool, metallic lockers. “We can spend it together. I think it’d be a good bonding experience.” 

“She said no, Nathan.” 

As predicted, you turned to your left to find the Luke Hemmings stood there. Of course, the lanky boy was in his typical all-black attire. This time, his shirt was a more ivory black with an Arctic Monkeys logo splattered there in a teal blue. But as you lowered your gaze, you saw his fists clench, seeming like he’s more than prepared to lunge at Nathan and break his nose. 

“Of course you came right on time, Hemmings,” you began, laughing to yourself as Nathan diverted his attention to the blonde a few feet away. Nathan stands up straight again, your small little prison cell broken. “Are you guys going to fight now or can I go?” 

“No,” Nathan began, smirking at Luke as he tightened his jaw in anger. “Lucas here is going to say a bunch of mushy gushy words and walk away with you because his insane jealousy cannot be contained for any reason whatsoever.” 

“And you’re going to walk away with that disgusting smirk on your face that I’d like to punch off someday,” Luke hissed. “Also: stop fucking calling me Lucas.” 

With that, Luke quickly shoved him while walking passed him to make his way to you. You watched as Luke stood in front of you, his arms to his sides as his blue eyes looked into yours. He was studying you, his rouge lips pursed together to keep from distraction. And this bothered you because every time Luke caught you in a moment like this, your cheeks feel much hotter than moments prior. So you took his chin and turned his head to look at Nathan. 

“Look at that dude, m’kay?” You hummed, having the two glare at one another. You took the opportunity then to open up the note. You noticed the intriguing H on the outside of one of the folds before opening in completely. 

Come to the tree at lunch. I have an I’m Sorry gift for you. 

You didn’t know what the apology gift was for, but if you had to guess, it would be for the drinks at the party. It was really creepy to think how observant he is on you. He truly is a stalker. Especially when you don’t feel any eyes on you and you have yet to see someone around that looks immensely suspicious. But you agreed to this, and hopefully it’ll be worth it. 

“You know, it’s good that you got rid of that lip piercing,” Nathan began, having you turn to notice the two still glaring at one another. “It looked like a thin piece of shit hung on it.” 

“You’re just mad that you can’t because your mommy and daddy said no,” Luke cooed, having you snort a bit at their immaturity. “If we’re gonna be acting like dickheads, how about don’t steal Ashton’s hairstyle? At least try to be original.” 

You giggled quietly at the connection, and Nathan gritted his teeth a bit. 

“Alright well.” Nathan let out a deep sigh, rubbing his eyes before stuffing his hands into his pockets. He winked at you, revealing a smirk to agitate Luke beside you. “Thanks for confiding with me, Y/N. See you later?” 

“What?” Luke asked, pure confusion evident in his words and face as he turned to you. You sighed, wanting to punch Nathan just as much as Luke did. But you gave Luke a small wink before looking back at Nathan. 

“Oh I didn’t tell you, Nathan!” You said a little loud. “I’m actually gonna eat lunch with Lucas here, but after school. He’s probably gonna take me to the diner we went to yesterday, so yeah.” 

Nathan glared at you a bit, obviously pissed that you sided with Luke this time. Luke chuckled, pointing at Nathan to taunt him a bit. But you were already wasting precious study time and you desperately yearned for at least a page to read. So, you grabbed Luke’s wrist with your free hand and began dragging him down the corridor and away from Nathan. But Luke didn’t fail to have his final word. 

“It sounds good when she says it,” Luke hollered, having you roll your eyes as you turned the corner to another hallway and dragged him away from Nathan’s view. As you managed to get Luke far away, you slowed down a bit but still kept your eyes forward. “So are you actually letting me take you out?” Luke asked quietly, having you look back at him with a glare. 

“Of course not,” you huffed as you let Luke go and walked over to a vacant classroom. The lights were on, and the door was wide open. These were one of the rooms allowed to be used to study, as a lot of students have study hall and need as much silence as they can get. Desks organized into rows, just like in a grid. Fern-green chalkboards, and written, yet brief, summaries of lectures and info. You could see papers left behind of homework or due assignments, having you pity those who left or forget them. 

You then realized this was one of the history classes for the sophomores. You noticed the paper ships hanging from the ceiling, voyages from important people sailing the seas to come on top. There were clay structures made, practically statues, ornate by the front. Models of Abraham Lincoln and John Locke, all with dignified faces but immensely large noses. Maps of the world, those of the past and the modern ones to exhibit change. Immensely dire changes, those that fascinated you very much about the worlds development as a whole. 

“You make me wonder a lot about you, Y/N,” Luke began, having you turn around to see him leaned on the doorway. A soft smile played at his rouge lips as those ocean eyes studied you. “Maybe because you’re so you that you’re wonderful.” 

“What’re you on about, Hemmings?” You began dully, unsure as to where he was getting this random sentiment from. Why was he creating a moment? 

“The way you look at all this stuff,” Luke hummed, walking inside to saunter over at the old, ripped up books-- artifacts from the past. “Your eyes glow, more brilliant than it ever is when you see these things. Your lips part, not a lot, but enough to show how trapped you are in a trance. You drown yourself in what you love, and I drown myself in you.” 

“You can’t be saying stuff like that!” You exclaimed, looking distantly down to the ground by his feet. It bothered you, these random jolts of flutters or heat that crawled into your cheeks. “You don’t make any sense.” 

“Love isn’t supposed to make sense,” Luke replied simply. 

“Luke, you don’t love me,” you dismissed, looking back at the chalkboard to see doodles done by the students. There were probably a few of them a bit prior to their arrival. “You just think you do because you supposedly like me.” 

“Whatever you wanna believe, Y/N,” Luke gave in, having you look up to see a smirk now crawled on his lips. He then started walking up to you, having you remain still. He didn’t scare you, and you weren’t prepared to let him back you into a desk or a wall. “As long as I know and feel it, it’s okay if you don’t believe me. Not yet, anyways.” 

“Once again, I have no clue as to what you’re on about,” you replied, watching as Luke was finally just a few inches from you. His tall, lanky being hovered over you, producing a shadow on you as he did. This was the sudden closeness that you couldn’t seem to ignore like Nathan’s. There was something about this peculiar idiot that makes your body react so strangely. 

“Again, you don’t have to,” Luke teased, bringing his hand up to your face. Suddenly, he poked your nose with the tip of his index finger, feeling a brief swipe of coldness before he flicked the tip of your nose up. “Are you going to the tree today? Do I have to cut myself again?” 

“That’s sounds incredibly fucked, Luke,” you muttered, shoving his chest to get him away. He erupted in laughter from this and you couldn’t help but wonder just as much about him. “What did I ever do to deserve this?” 

With that, you took yourself a seat at the cleanest desk you could find. You dropped your bag carelessly on the floor beside you. Rummaging through it, you revealed a notebook and a pen. You flipped the pages until you found the essay you had left off and went right in to continue it. As you did, you noticed Luke in your periphery and seeing him hop on top of the teachers desk. 

“August,” Luke muttered, having you flinch at the word. No matter what you did, he’ll never let up on that one day in August summers ago. “I don’t mind if you don’t care as much, but that is my favorite month, day, and year of all time. I’m at this point I always dreamed of being at, and I have you to thank for that. So that’s what you did to steal my heart and my annoying being.” 

Lunch time rolled in, and you found yourself sauntering over to the tree. 

You felt extremely disconnected from your stalker in this tree, even though it’s only been a few days with this mystery and only 2 days was the last time you got a note. But you weren’t too in a rush this time, not really wanting to go to your science class immediately. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to learn, but Luke was being too much for you today. 

He was such a bother. For an attractive boy such as himself, it surprised you to see the boy single. And yes, you were well aware of his proclaimed love to you in front of not only his friends, but yours, too. But it’s too difficult to believe, even with 2 years stacking on him bothering you and you allowing him to float around like small moons to your planet. 

Luke always made you wonder about him. He could have any girl he pleases, seeing as so many would like to throw themselves at him. Nadia is as desperate as a man stuck in the desert for water. It made you want to know what is it that Luke sees. It would seem he is basing the entirety of his feelings on the one instance that was August so very long ago. And yet it is fresh in his mind and, so long as he keeps speaking about it, it’s fresh in your head, too. 

As you slowly approached the tree, you noticed that the shadow as expanded a bit and you were quick to be swallowed up by its shadow. You looked around at the beautiful pink petals dancing to the wind and its lovely music. It made you ponder how this tree was surviving in such an ugly place like this schools courtyard. How is a lovely thing to thrive around hormonal teenagers and crabby teachers who for some reason hate kids though their degree was all about education. You had always guessed teachers were always pissy at teenagers because they were annoyed at themselves when they were young idiots. 

At least, it’s your own solid guess. 

Suddenly, your eyes finally diverted down to stare at a small, white box right in front of the bark. You slowly approached the cardboard thing, noticing how it looked more of an over-sized, cardboard shoe box that was spray painted white. But nonetheless, the container remained there, with yet another note sat on it lovingly. Once more, with the H initial on top. 

Looking around, you look back down at the box and bend down to take the note in your hand. Opening it slowly, you read the words with ease. 

I’m so sorry for buying you the drinks. I know you’ll try to blame yourself as you chose the drinks, but I gave you permission to and I’m ever so sorry. Here’s just a little something for you x 

Putting the note in your pocket, you bring your hands to the edges of the top, horizontal-wise, and lifted the box with ease. You quickly lifted and tossed away the wrapping paper that covered the gift and softened your eyes to see your well-crafted gift. 

The first thing you saw was a Blue-Ray DVD version of the Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience. You were in disbelief, truth be told. You couldn’t be bothered to admit it, but you fancied those boys when you were young. Though, you always pointed out how much of a tool Joe Jonas was, since at the time, he only played the tambourine. But then again, you couldn’t say shit: you’ve never even touched a tambourine. 

The next item you touched was some Adventure Time socks. One sock held human hero, Finn. And the other, infamous, orange, organ-stretching dog, Jake. They had looked so cute, seeing as their faces resided by the toes of your feet. It made you giggle a bit. 

Then, in a small box beside the pair of socks was transparent, and held a series of small pins in them. Opening them eagerly, you giggled at how many there were and the cute sayings on them. You saw a pin that said ‘Bernie Sanders 2020′ with the old man printed on it. Another had a small, purple container of fries that said ‘Fries Before Guys.’ You admitted that these pins were amusing and you were a little too excited to leave school to use them on your bag. 

You finally reached the bottom, where you noticed a black entity filling (practically) the entirety of the box. Carefully allowing the smaller items to fall down on the box, you lifted the entity into your hands and unfolded it. It finally revealed itself to you and you allowed a curt smile to play at your lips. 

It had been a black Linkin Park sweatshirt, the logo and the words white and fairly huge at the front of the sweatshirt. It felt so nice and smooth in your hands, having you bite your bottom lip. You had been eager to get band sweatshirts, and this had been one of the many you wanted. You hugged it tightly, allowing the scent of cologne and softener to intoxicate your nose. 

“You’re so sweet, stalker,” you whispered to yourself, looking up at the tree to see the lovely pink petals begin to fall all around you. “Thank you.” 

please tell me what you think right here, if you’d like. thank you for reading and i really hope you enjoy it. xx