#I’m sorry if this isn’t how you imagined my scene I STRUGGLED WITH THE POSE SO MUCH IM SO SORRY

[stinkytrashfly]

[noaltbruh]

Il mio fato

Chapter two: Benvenuta nella squadra!

Feeling her arms and legs shaking, the newbie desperately hoped for someone to open their mouth to speak, or just... Acknowledge her presence. She didn't dare to look past her feet, her hands glued together like those of a servant. The others exchanged some confused looks, they were used to Bucciarati bringing a new member by now, and it wasn't much of surprise that Giorno would do the same, but this? They were mafiosi, what was a little girl that could barely articulate a phrase without panicking doing among these people? She looked like she couldn't have kept up a fight with a butterfly (Which wasn't false).

While he knew that it was what Eleonora wanted, Giorno refused to interfere immediately. He trusted her, and he was sure that she could keep the situation under control, there was no need to push her any further.

The uncanny silence that seemed to be lasting for an eternity, was finally interrupted by the sound of some of the chairs moving, but she couldn't make out whose they were, exactly. "Fine, if you all are just going to be jerks and not even say hi, I'll handle this" "Trish, what the heck are you doing?!" "What? Can't you see she's terrified? She's one of us now, we gotta make sure she feels at home here!" "You shouldn't trust her in the moment y-" "Ya know what's up? I'm with Trish on this. Come on guys, we were all super awkward when we first met the others, let's give her a little help" Narancia added, as he stood up, and approached the the young girl together with his friend.

"Heya, it's nice to meet you too! My name's Trish Una, even though you've probably already figured it out by now, haven't you?" She began, putting both of her hands on her hips, like she was striking a pose...She always found a way to be 'extra', somehow.

"Sup girl? The name's Narancia Ghirga, but you can call me Narancia, everyone calls me by my first name here" The boy smirked, and accidentally dropped the pencil in his pocket. While he was genuinely curious about meeting her, it was no secret that it was partially an excuse to get distracted a bit from his homework. "Now that I think about it, though...Why do you keep on calling me like this?! I'm almost eighteen! You should bring me more respect"

The girl with pink hair let out a small laugh. "Pffft...Please, I could NEVER call you Ghirga, it sounds too weird!" "Said the person whose surname is Una, is that why you're wearing a skirt with Maths on it?" "Well...I don't tell you to call me by my surname!" "But I'm older than-" "I-I'm sorry to interrupt you b-but...Could you slow down a-a little bit? I...Can't keep up"

Their sudden approach had caused the other to instinctively take a step back, they had gotten so invested in their argument, to almost forget who they were introducing themselves to in the first place.

Trish's smile disappeared for a brief moment, then she continued. "Oh Gosh! No no dear, we should be the ones apologizing, this isn't about us" Narancia crossed his arms, his smug grin had no intention to leave. "Even though...If you're gonna stick around, you better get used to all this noise!"

A similar amount of energy was not something the brunette was used to, she was not prepared to see them getting so close to her out of nowhere; despite this, a little smile formed on her face. While she wasn't good at showing it...Having them so eager to get to know her filled her with joy. With a bit of reluctance, she extended her arm in their direction, fixing her glasses with her other hand. "Thank you for your welcome...I really appreciate your kindness"

Narancia energetically took her hand with both of his, and shook it so hard to make her entire body shake. "It's no big deal! Sorry if I scared ya" "But...Uh...Can I ask you a little favor?" "Mh?" "Can you...Well...Show your face a little more? I can't even see your eyes, besides, I think I'm prettier than the floor!"

As her cheeks turned red for the embarrassment, she raised her head, allowing them to take a better look at her. She didn't like the feeling of their green and purple eyes staring at every centimeter of her body, but she wouldn't even think about letting it show.

"Come on! No need to be all tense and dense, we don't bite" "Narancia's right, how about you sit next to us?" Before even receiving a response, the latter had already picked up a chair from a nearby table, holding it proudly in the air like it was an heavy boulder. The girl timidly approached him, volunteering to carry it, but he declined her help, insisting that he was perfectly fine. "Please...Give it to me, there's no need for you to-" "Nah, I got this, don't cha worry about me" "Are you sure about this? There's barely enough space for you guys already, maybe I-" "Oh please, don't make us beg you! I'm sure we can find a place for you with no big troubles"

Suddenly, Fugo, who wasn't bothering paying attention to "Whatever those two dumbasses were doing", felt Narancia touching his head from behind with the chair. "What the hell do you want now?!" "Move your butt a little, or I can't make this thing fit here" "So what? That's not my problem, put it somewhere el-"

Before he could finish his sentence, something else pushed him aside, almost making him fall from his chair: it was Trish's Spice Girl, who gave a thumbs up to her master before disappearing. "ARE YOU HIGH OR SOMETHING? Why are you so damn excited about this whole thing?!" He said, nervously picking up a wrinkled piece of paper from the table, and scrapping it to smaller pieces, as a way to calm himself. "Why?! Oh...Excuse me, but being surrounded by SIX BOYS gets lame after a while. Thank you, by the way~" Narancia giggled, trying not to let Fugo notice, hearing someone talking back to the blonde like that was satisfying. He put the chair down, and sat once again.

"Cut her some slack, the little girl just wants someone to talk with about all that cheesy stuff" "I'm talking to you as well, Narancia" "Oh? Sorry, I can't hear ya, I'm WAYYYYY too invested in this homework that you've given me" He took the pencil that had rolled under the table after falling from his pocket, then went back to stare at his own piece of paper, having no clue of what to do next with the operations in front of him. Seeing him struggle, Eleonora felt the need to step in, she couldn't stand watching someone having troubles with school work, it was one of the few things she considered herself actually good at. However, her attempt didn't go as she hoped it would have had.

"Uhm...Please, forgive me for interfering, but maybe I could-" "Narancia is ok, he doesn't need your help for something as basic as this, he's not a child"

Fugo brutally cut her off, impeding her from even pointing out a single wrong calculus. She immediately looked away, feeling bad for the older boy, but knowing well that if she insisted, she would have put him in troubles as well. "O-ok...I'm sorry"

Trish, who was sitting on her right, whispered to her ear, making sure that the boy in green couldn't hear her. "Hey, don't let Fugo intimidate you, just let them do their things, don't worry about them for now" "But...Narancia was being so nice to me...I wanted to pay him back" "You'll do it another time, it's better like this, trust me" She sighed, feeling disappointed for not being able to do more. She tried to put that thought aside and focus on the other, eventually managing to distract herself a little.

Giorno sat at the table as well, observing the scene like it was a theatrical spectacle. He couldn't help but smile seeing her already bonding with someone, and in reality, he had already imagined that something similar would have happened, he was very familiar with Trish's discontent about being the only female member of the group. Similar to him, Bucciarati also saw it as an opportunity to analyse the newcomer, seeing her interactions with the others was fundamental in his eyes, he would have had other opportunities to talk to her directly.

Abbacchio was silently sipping some tea, all that noise was hurting his head, and he couldn't stand the thought of 'having to look after another one of those things'.

That damn brat...It was bad enough when Bruno brought here random children from the streets, but this is simply ridiculous. I swear if he wasn't the Boss, I'd-

"Abbacchio, you alright? What are you thinking about?" Mista said, swinging an hand in front of his face, making him snap out of those spiteful thoughts and bringing him back to reality. "None of your business" He simply answered, staring at his half-empty teapot. "Nice as always, I see" "What do you want?" "Are you...Uh...Planning on giving her the 'Giorno treatment'?" "...No, not this time"

At first sight, one would think that the man was the kind of person that wouldn't let nothing nor no one intimidate him, and while that was mostly true, it couldn't always be like this. He knew his limits, his place, and most importantly, he knew better than to directly mess with someone under Giorno's protection. While everyone treated him like a normal member of the team, Abbacchio thought that it was better to play it safe.

"But that doesn't mean that I'm just going to sit here and watch" "Uh? What do you mean?" He put his earphones down, turning in her direction with a killer look.

"Kid, let me ask you something"

His deep voice caught everyone off guard, nobody expected him to speak up out of the blue. Everyone knew the drill about Abbacchio and his behavior towards the 'newest member', but sadly, it was something that you had to endure if you wanted to become a part of them.

The brunette knew about this too, and most importantly, she knew about the way he treated Giorno when he first joined the squad. With a neutral expression, she stared back at him.

"...Yes?" "Why did you come here? What did you expect to find? Are you planning on fighting? Putting your life on the line?"

She hesitated for a brief moment, unsure of how to answer. Was this a test? She had already thought beforehand that he would have tried to put her under pressure, but she assumed that it would have been something a bit more...Explicit. On the other hand, due to her...Ahem...Introduction, perhaps it made more sense like this, he wanted to see if she could talk back to him, she couldn't let them walk all over her.

"That is...Something that I'm willing to do" She replied. The Albino let out a small laugh, shaking his head slightly. " 'Willing to do'? I don't think you understood how things work around here, brat. It's not something 'optional', this is our normality, people respect us, because we make them respect us, because we scare them. But you? You couldn't even scare a child with that baby face. I really hope that you're going to change this behavior of yours, or else...Your little heart might break, both literally and figuratively"

"Abbacchio, I think that's enou-" Bruno tried to interfere, but he was stopped by Giorno, who put an hand on his shoulder. "Bucciarati wait, let's see what happens first, give her the chance to defend herself" He concluded, with a stoic expression.

"My...Little heart?" Eleonora began, moving her bang to the side. "I'm n-not nearly as strong as any of you...Do you think I don't know that? But if Giorno recognised me as a worthy member of the team, it means that I've earned my place here, I think. I'm...D-Disposable, but I want to change, is that good enough for you? She put her right elbow on the table, clenched her hand into a fist and rested her cheek on it. "Sorry if I'm not scary enough to wear dark makeup and clothes at any hour of the day"

The whole table went silent for an entire minute, as the girl with the chemise felt everyone's eyes on her. She hadn't even realized she's talked so much, and that she probably shouldn't have added that last comment. It was a bad habit of her, when she got carried away, she'd end up forgetting to pay attention to what she was saying, without thinking about the words that came out of her mouth.

A small "oof" could be heard coming from Narancia's direction, as Mista and Trish tried to contain their laughter. Bruno's face looked like one of a worried mother after hearing her child swear for the first time, while Fugo just sat there with an expression of slight shock. Giorno was smiling in a smug way, the scene reminded him of how everyone reacted after "his own test".

The most surprising one, however, was Abbacchio's reaction. He didn't look pissed, not in the slightest; he was wearing a provocative smirk, and his arms were crossed.

"Oh yeah? Is the kitty trying to get his claws out? How terrifying...Buona fortuna ragazzina, ne avrai bisogno" He put his earphones back on, acting like nothing had happened.

Narancia patted her on the shoulder, smiling satisfied.

"Dude, what in the world was that?!" "I'm s-sorry...I kinda lost track of my words...A-and-" "Girl, chill a little! We're not mad at ya, he always acts like an a**hole with the newcomers" Trish added, pointing one of her finger in his direction, before winking at her. "And let me say something, you've got some guts talking back to a dude like him in that way" "B-but I..."

Their conversation was cut off by the waiter, obviously looking distressed for having to serve such group of people. "F-Forgive me for interrupting, but would you like me to bring you the bill?" "Yes, thank you" Bruno replied.

After they were done paying for everything, they quickly left the place with the intention of heading back home. Bucciarati loved that restaurant, he had lunch there with his companions almost everyday, but he hated to remain there after he was done eating. He didn't think it was respectful to occupy a sit that he didn't need anymore, while somebody else actually did. What he didn't know, was that no one ever sat at their table, even when they weren't there. It was a silent agreement that it was their place, nobody would even consider "taking it away from them".

"Well...I'd say that this new arrival went surprisingly well. Things are usually a bit more...Lively around here, wouldn't you guys agree?" He commented, opening the front door, as the rest rapidly followed him outside. "I must say that you're right, Bruno, but that doesn't surprise me. Eleonora has always been a calm person, ever since I've known her, her introduction to all of you couldn't have been much different" Giorno responded, when he noticed that the girl was shyly walking at the end of the group, quite far away from him, who was leading the way. "Would you mind walking next to me? I'd prefer to keep you under my watch" He said to her, turning his head a little. "Ah, uhm...Of course! I'm sorry...I thought it was fair for me to stay here behind, since... Well..."

She interrupted the sentence there, realizing that it was probably for the best not to finish it, she didn't want to bring herself down too much in front of the others. She quietly walked up to him, luckily the sidewalk was wide enough for her to move without accidentally bumping into anyone else.

"I'm sorry if I'm stating the obvious but...We're heading to your house, right?" "Precisely, it's not far away from here, we should reach it in a couple of minutes" "I...I see. Uhm...Would it be okay if I went to my hotel after all of you arrive home? I'd like to pick up some of my...Well...Properties" "Of course, but perhaps I should accompany you" "T-there's no need to! I remember the way...I hope"

One could see from miles away that she had no idea of how to go back to that building, but that wasn't the only reason why Giorno didn't want her to go alone. He didn't feel safe letting her wander on her own in a city like this, she still had a lot to learn, and she might have gotten into troubles, people around there...Weren't always honest as they may have seemed at first.

In no time, they reached their destination. The villa that erected in front of her was even more majestic than how she had imagined it in her mind. It was a two-storey house, with white walls and a roof made of glass and wood. It was surrounded by an immense backyard; while it couldn't be seen clearly, the young one could already spot some fruit trees, small flower beds and bushes. A multitude of windows revealed certain areas of the house, but it was almost impossible to see through them, as they were too high for one to reach them. The front door was decorated with some golden and green ornaments, it seemed wide enough to allow two people to pass through it at the same time. Its boundary was defined by a white railing, with some colourful stains of...Something... scattered here and there, they were probably someone's doing.

"Well, here we are" The boy with green eyes commented, tilting his head to look at Eleonora's face. Her expression exuded an aura of wonder and incredulity, her eyes shined brightly with excitement, and a smile was printed on her lips.

"Look at your face, I've never seen you look like this before" His words didn't reach her for how amazed she was, she felt like time had stopped flowing for a few seconds. "So, what do you think?" He put an hand on her shoulder, remembering her of the world around. "I...D-Don't know what to say...It's just...It's so...Breathtaking" "It's alright to be nervous, we all were when we first arrived here. Take your time, I know that a new territory can be threatening"

The girl took a step forward the mansion. "Do you think...I could really belong here?" "You can, and you already do, you don't need to doubt it even for a second"

Seeing such genuine and pure happiness on her face was not something to take for granted, he wanted to cherish it as much as he could.

"Benvenuta nella squadra"

[nudesmut]

The Naked Bum, Ch. 3 (M)

Pairing: Jaebum x Youngjae

Genre: Smut

Warning: Exhibitionism, nudism

Word count: 2983 words

The Art Class

Jaebum read on the local advertisment that someone needs a nude model for their art class. This gave the horny man some ideas on how that fantasy will work out. He could imagine just them drawing out his well-built body in whatever position they put him in, while they draw out his huge, thick dick onto their canvas. It turned him on, as he stood there, in front of the bunch of ads posted on the pedestal wall in the middle of the park. He was stroking himself and was releasing small groans from the thought of it.

He wasted no time but to head to the campus the next day to see what it looked like. It was filled with students, most were fast walking to their next classroom. Some were gossiping and others sat and ate their lunch. The naked man had already entered the vicinity, allowing his huge erection sprung free. A few of the girls were eyeing on him, blushing at the sight of Jaebum's body and ass. The guys were laughing to themselves, seeing how such a bold man would walk around campus nude. This kind of sight aroused him even more than usual. He couldn't take it anymore as he went towards the middle fountain and got on top of the platform.

There, he was standing all in his bare glory against the morning sun. He grabbed a hold of his huge prick and starts to rub himself in front of the entire campus. The students were all gazed at the nude man, shamelessly masturbating to them. A loud moan escaped him, as his messy dark hair slightly pushed themselves back while tilting his head. His bicep slapped against his muscular pec, while he continiously beating himself. The sound of his precum now lathering over the big shaft is all that was echoing.

The students watched in awe, while many were taking out their phones and recording the scene before them. As much as some would report to the teachers, they couldn't. Who would resist Jaebum's exposed body and who wouldn't be infatuated by it?

"Oh yeah... So good when my big cock is hard... And throbbing..." the horny man panted in between breaths. The ladies were on the front row, while the guys tried to look away from the sight of that dick. Another groan escaped him, as he looked up to his audience where were staring right at his rigid big dick. He smirked to himself, now beginning to fuck his hand. Hips thrusting and his shaft sliding against his palms. "Fuck... My balls ache..." he shudders another moan.

It was a hot sight to behold indeed. The students slowly began to cheer for him as he continues to jack off in front of them. The pleasure and the amount of spectators made his blood course down to his angry erection. "I'm gonna cum....!!!" he shouted before making one last thrust against his hand and spurted more than seven cumshots towards the girls direction, only to land in front of them. "Fucking god...!" he loudly grunted, unloading another stream of massive cumshots at the platform, causing a small pool of semen beneath them. One hand roam around his big chest as he finally empties himself. He then grins and looks over to the crowd and hear them applaud. It satisfied him as he got off the platform and went his way inside the school.

Going down the hall, he saw the front desk. A woman looked up and was shocked to see the naked man standing before her, except the counter only covered the lower half of his body. "M-May I help you?" she asked in a stutter.

Jaebum tilts his head, placing his one hand against the desk while the other massaged his sacs. "Looking for the art class that is need of a nude model?" he responded, his voice sounding husky from all that jerking from earlier.

"Uh... Down the hall. Should you need a towel, sir?" she asked nervously, trying to hide her blush while glancing her eyes down to his abs then back up to him.

Jaebum shook his head and winked at her. "Nope, thanks, cutie." He walks away, as the other side of the front desk is elevated lower than the front side. The horny man walked around it, as the front clerk watched and saw that his dick is hard and big! She clears her throat before resuming back to her notes and pretends to not see the naked man.

The students were already in class by the time Jaebum had arrived, so he stood beside the door, waiting to be called. He told the teacher that he will come in before class started. He leaned against the wall, jerking himself, as he waited.

"Class, we are going to do some nude painting today. What better way to get our class started than to bring in our model. Be respectful, and do not touch him by any means. Come on in!" said the art teacher.

The nude man heard the teacher and walks inside the classroom, holding his huge erection and looks over to the teacher before him. God he was a hot teacher. How old was this teacher? If he were in his early lates 20s, he'll gladly fuck him good. But Jaebum kept himself together and looks over to the class, which he can see a couple of familiar faces from his earlier stunt at the fountain.

The art teacher and the class were a little dumbfounded yet surprised, mostly the art teacher overall. Some of the students were whispering how the rumors of a naked man with a big cock is true. Jaebum stood beside the teacher, casually stroking himself like its no tomorrow. The teacher chuckled to the class before finding words again as the nude man stood there, giving the girls a wink and the guys a seductive smile. He wouldn't mind a class orgy.

"This is Im Jaebum. You.. uh," he glanced over to the naked male before Jaebum exchanged his gaze back before turning to the class before him. "W-Will paint him. Okay?"

As the students struggled to be in front of their canvas, the teacher whispered over to Jaebum's ear.

"Don't masturbate in my class, Mr. Im. This isn't sex ed. Take care of that erection."

"I would, but... then your class will be over, no? Besides, having a hard on increases value in art."

The teacher didn't believe it, but he decided to not argue in the middle of class. Jaebum got on the podium, and was asked to do a few poses and he followed. The students carefully painted him, as an hour gone by. The nude model didn't complain, and just stood there motionlessly. The art teacher couldn't help but stare at the huge hard on, which causes a stir in his pants.

After forty-five minutes has passed, the students finished their work and tried to not stare at the naked man before them.

"Good job, class. I will inspect your work right now. Jaebum, you can sit in the back, okay?" The art teacher requested as Jaebum nods, and walks off the platform before heading to the back and sat down on the chair. He placed his legs up on the table in front of him and spreads them, openly pumping his big dick. Soft moans were heard. "Ah, yeah, baby... I'm gonna fuck you in front of the class... They will watch you moan and writhe under me... Gonna fuck that ass, make you scream in the entire school... Ungh..." thought Jaebum, licking his lip. A swallow was heard from the art teacher when he glanced for a split second at the nude model. He wanted to facepalm.

When class was done, Jaebum was about to leave. The art teacher stood in front of the door and folded his arms.

"What were you thinking? This is absolutely inappropriate to the class. You are a nasty naked man. And put some clothes on!" scolded the teacher, struggling to keep focus on eye contact.

A laugh was heard from Jaebum, showing off that eye smile. He then leaned against the edge of the teacher's table. "Sorry, but I'm a nudist. And I did my part. What's so bad about it?"

"You were masturbating in front of the whole class! And you aren't bothered by it?" his face beginning to fluster.

Jaebum shook his head. "I'm always hard. And horny. So no harm done. Bet you like that little show after the students painted me, eh?" he made a sly smile.

The teacher blushed in redness and cleared his throat. "N-No... I..."

"Admit it... You cannot resist me... And you just want to get fucked by my hard cock..." Jaebum was already off the table and walked closer to the other man, his erection swayed back and forth. The more Jaebum walked closer, the more he reeks of sex and lust. He smelled a little musky, but the teacher felt so much warmth from the other man.

The naked man leaned forward for a deep kiss, pressing the teacher against the door. His hands roam around the other man's clothes. Their mouths locked and hot wet muscles lathered into each other's inner caverns. The teacher blushed feverishly, wanting to push the nude model back, but Jaebum proved to be the stronger one. His hands pinned above the man's head, as Jaebum pulled away and leaned forward to kiss his exposed skin of his neck. A moan escaped the teacher's lips. Jaebum's leaking hard was rubbing against the teacher's tent. "I-I'm getting hard... S-Shit..." cursed the teacher, forming a tent within his slacks.

Jaebum left small spots of purplish blue marks upon the skin, sucking and licking around the small harmless color behind. He finally released both of the teacher's wrists and lowers them down to begin unbuckling his belt, following his buttons. Within a few seconds, he pushed both the slacks and the underwear and knelt down. He saw the teacher's erection, and took the length with his hand and dives down to start sucking the teacher off without hesitation. A surge of pleasure began coursing around the man's pelvis, taking both of Jaebum's sides of his head with his hands, then raked them into his already messed hair.

The nude model didn't want to wait, beginning to pull back and pushed forward with his skilled mouth. It felt full within his mouth, skillful enough to pleasure the man before him. Jaebum's naturally a dominant, and how he treats sexual encounters is by giving them what they want and then overpower them by fucking them in the ass.

However, the teacher was already nearing his climax. His head leaned back against the door's surface, groaning and moaning which made Jaebum thrilled in excitement. He could imagine the students listening, but the door was already locked. "O-Oh god... Yes... Suck me good..." murmured the teacher, biting his lower lip. Jaebum used his other free hand to stroke the base, while the other massaged his sacs. The teacher couldn't help himself much longer and starts thrusting his pelvis forward, causing Jaebum to gag. But the naked man recovered and took control once more, and soon, he felt that sting of orgasm from the teacher. In a loud moan, the teacher pushed one last time and finally came inside of Jaebum's mouth. It was a good amount which Jaebum had no problem swallowing it all down. Pulling back, he licked his lips and soon stood up and leans in for another kiss. A soft hum was heard from the other man.

Pulling back, a devious smirk lifted the corners of Jaebum's lip. He then pulls the teacher away from the door and swung him around before having him turn towards the table. He parts his legs and allowed his ass to be exposed. "Now I get to fuck this ass..." the nude model said, spreading both flesh globes with his hands and massaged them. His massive shaft was rubbing against the tight hole, squeezing the teacher's ass against his big dick. He used the side of his thick shaft to slide up and down, and ilicited a small moan.

"How about it, teach'...? I'll give you some extra credit for being a great teacher of the year. Ungh... Ever gotten fucked before...?" Jaebum growled in lust.

The teacher was already weak by the legs due to that last orgasm that hit him. He shook his head in response. Who knew someone this hot of a nudist was this horny. "N-No... I want your big cock... Please, give me that huge prick inside me..."

This was beyond Jaebum's expectations. When the teacher said those words, a stream of cum already ejaculated all over the man's striped dressed shirt, soaking it. He didn't stop rubbing himself using the man's ass.

"You like it raw... Huh...? Alright, you asked for it, teach'..." Pulling his large erection away, he held the base of it and pushes himself in. The rings of muscles constricted around his already huge size. The teacher moaned out loud, causing the room to echo. Jaebum hissed and tilts his head back. "You're taking my cock so well... You earn a golden star..." when he said those words, he begins to move, stretching the teacher's hole further. The desk creaked beneath them.

Jaebum is known to be rough and raw when it comes to sex. And this was no exception. His muscles bulged once more. Both biceps were defined, his abs more pronounced, and his ass flexed too.  The heat was collecting in the room, the passion only grew between the two of them and Jaebum was finding it harder and harder to keep from coming too soon. But he managed, because he wanted this to last as long as possible. That was how much of a talented bottom the teacher was. Jaebum’s hands grasped onto the sides of the male’s hips. Then they traveled towards the flesh, groping to intensify the teacher's pleasure. “That’s it, baby… Moan for your daddy like you mean it,” he grunted, feeling up the teacher as he would move his sweet ass on his big dick.

The teacher couldn't handle this amount of pleasure. All of that movement made his own cock swell in hardness again, reaching down to stroke it in time with Jaebum's hard thrusts. His other hand was clinging onto the edge of the table. "Fuck, daddy... Yes, please I love your big, fucking cock inside me...!"

The nude man found this to be a fetish, having his bottom boys be wearing a shirt or a tie while he remained naked and fucked them until they exhaust themselves. He leaned forward, allowing his hips to continue thrusting upwards and hits that sweet spot.

"Ahhh!!!" the teacher groaned out loud, his forehead a bit sweaty. Jaebum chuckled and panted in hot breaths, whispering into his ear. "I'm about to bust a load... get ready..." And after a few more jerky thrusts, he finally came inside the man. A huge burst of cum finally shoots out from his huge tip, and shot onto that sweet spot. A growl of lust emitted from the dominant's chest.

"H-Holy shitttt...!!" the teacher groaned out loud, as the streams of sticky, thick cum continued spurting out into his ass, finally exploding outward and landing on top of the his ass. At the same time, the teacher strokes furiously, and also shot his orgasm directly onto the floor beneath him. Jaebum pulled his dick out halfway, allowing two more heavy shots within his ass and pulls out. A soft kiss pressed onto the teacher's neck and pulls away. The other man was laying against the table, already spent and his legs shook from that amount of pleasure.

Upon turning his body around, he saw Jaebum standing there, his huge cock still rock hard and covered in his cum. It was throbbing, as it was leaking out semen from the tip and trickled down to the floor. "What the..." muttered the teacher in a weak voice.

Jaebum could only grin. His body had a thin sheet of sweat. But that gorgeous body radiated against the sun's rays.

"I'm not done yet... Legs up, teach'. I'm gonna fuck you again... This time, I'll carry you while you bounce on my fucking cock..."

The teacher was already in a trance, and nods at his command. He spreads his legs as the sound of Jaebum's dark chuckle was heard from his lips.

After a few hours, Jaebum exits out from the classroom, and turns his head to the teacher's direction. "Thanks for having me, teach'... Hope you had a good fuck-- I mean, day." Jaebum was reeking in sex and didn't mind it. His big erection flopped, already forming precum at the tip. As he left, the entire classroom was nearly at a mess. The floors and some of the tables were covered in so much semen and white liquid. The teacher was on the floor, exhausted at the amount of sex the two have shared. There was no mistake, he was already smelling like Jaebum. And he will never forget it.

Jaebum left campus grounds, while holding onto his large dick and strokes it as he heads back home.

[wesleyhill]

A New World of Wedded Bliss

A homily on Mark 10:2-16, preached at Trinity Cathedral, Pittsburgh, on the Nineteenth Sunday after Pentecost 2021

In the Name of God, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, Amen.

One of the things I like about preaching in the Episcopal Church is that we preachers don’t get to choose our own Bible passages. They’re decided for us by the lectionary, the schedule of readings or “lessons” that we share with a lot of other churches, including the Roman Catholic Church. The good thing about that is that it keeps you from being subject to my particular whims as to what to preach on. And it keeps me and the other preachers here honest: we are forced to confront passages we’d maybe rather not talk about. We’re forced to grapple with what St. Paul referred to as “the whole counsel of God” (Acts 20:27) — the entire sweep of what God has spoken, even the bits we’re confused about or resistant to or scared of.

I confess, I would rather not have to preach about Jesus’ challenging words from our Gospel reading today. And, truthfully, I could wriggle out of it by choosing to preach on one of our other readings for this morning; that’s always an option. But I remember what I once heard a great preacher say: if your preaching is consistently failing to address the questions that your congregation has about the Bible, then you’re going to frustrate your congregation. I know many of you were paying attention as the Gospel was read just now, and I know you were probably struggling to relate Jesus’ words to your own histories and families and relationships. How do we make that connection? — that linkage between what Jesus says and the lives we’re actually living? That’s what preaching is meant to help you do, and so, with God’s help, I’m going to try this morning.

As I was thinking about our Gospel lesson this week, I came across an article in the New York Times, published this past Thursday. Written by Lara Bazelon, it was titled: “Divorce Can Be an Act of Radical Self-Love.” The author talks about how she felt her marriage was keeping her from living fully into her sense of purpose and gifting. She says upfront that there was no emotional or physical abuse and that she is still in love with her ex, even after the divorce. Then she says: “I divorced my husband not because I didn’t love him. I divorced him because I loved myself more.” And here’s how the article concludes: “I no longer think of divorce as shameful or feel sorry for people who tell me that they have decided to end their marriages… My divorce spared my children… pain and let me live the life I was meant to. I view that as an accomplishment.”

I am fully aware that, in our fallen, broken world, divorce is sometimes necessary, sometimes best. But I think the way this article frames the matter — that divorce isn’t something to feel sad about, to mourn over — doesn’t do justice to the way many of us experience divorce. We may feel that our marriage had to end, but that doesn’t take away the ache we still feel, the wistfulness and sadness and self-doubt that can still stab us at odd moments. We may feel that we made the best choice, given the circumstances, but that doesn’t stop us from feeling like we let ourselves down — or let our ex-partner, or our children, or our parents, or our priest down.

One of the gifts our Gospel reading gives us this morning is permission to mourn divorce. If you still lament the divorce you went through, or your parents went through, or your sibling or best friend went through — if, no matter how many positive self-help podcasts you’ve listened to or therapies you’ve invested in, you still feel somehow that divorce is a tragic thing — then you can take some comfort in our reading this morning. Because the main message of it is: It wasn’t supposed to be this way.

Let’s rehearse the details. Some religious leaders come to Jesus, who himself is a publicly recognized religious teacher and authority, and they pose an ethical question. They ask him whether it’s a lawful to divorce one’s wife (notice, they, who are men, don’t ask anything about the wife; her perspective and protection don’t seem to matter to them). Secretly, they’re setting a trap for Jesus. They themselves aren’t in agreement about the religious legality of divorce, and by trying to force Jesus to pick a side in their debate, they expect he’ll embarrass himself with a large segment of his audience, one way or the other, and that’s exactly what they want. In short, they’re using a debate about divorce as an opportunity to try to drag Jesus down into a partisan spat and thereby discredit him.

True to form, Jesus doesn’t take the bait. Instead, he turns the question back on them: “What did Moses command you?” In other words, what does our shared Scripture have to say about the matter? Jesus asks. And they point out, rightly enough, that the Jewish law allows a man to divorce his wife. And then Jesus takes them off guard and reorients the entire conversation by reminding them that in the same law — the Jewish law, the Torah, that permits divorce — there’s the story at the very beginning, in the very first two chapters of the Bible, before any evil has marred the story, of God creating a man and a woman and blessing them to become “one flesh,” one new indissoluble pair. So, Jesus says, it must be because we are fallen and diminished and rendered incapable of keeping even the commitments that we most want to keep — that must be why divorce happens, because in the Bible’s depiction of the bliss of human life as God wants it to be, divorce isn’t part of the picture at all. “Because of your hardness of heart,” Jesus says, the law of Moses permitted divorce. “But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’” In the world as God wants it to be, there simply are no autonomous selves in a marriage to tweeze apart in divorce.

Jesus, in other words, is simply refusing to be drawn into a debate as to when divorce is appropriate or inappropriate, when it may be justified or merely frivolous. He’s calling us to imagine a world without divorce on the table as an option at all. He’s inviting us to imagine existing in an atmosphere where love really is everything it’s cracked up to be, where promises really are kept, and violence and indifference and cruelty and boredom and spite really are nowhere to be seen. He’s calling us to imagine a world that doesn’t exist, in other words.

Except… maybe it does.

One of the scarlet threads that runs through the entire Bible, both Old and New Testaments, is that God has a spouse. God’s spouse is you and me. God’s spouse is Israel, His chosen people. God’s spouse is the church of Jesus Christ, Jesus being portrayed as the Bridegroom and we, His people, as His bride. And in the story Scripture tells, from beginning to end, God does not divorce us. No matter how many times we rebuff God, or thumb our noses at God, or give God the cold shoulder, or storm out and slam the door in God’s face, God goes on loving us. God loves and loves and loves us, all the way to whatever miserable end we find our path to, and then God loves us beyond that, opening up a future for us, forgiving us of all the ways we’ve turned our backs on God and others, and promising us a new creation in which there will be no more grief, despair, loneliness, resentment, abuse, neglect, or anything else that would try to undo our bonds with each other. In Jesus Christ God goes all the way down into death for us, and in Christ’s resurrection on Easter Sunday morning we see the ultimate triumph of God’s covenant love for us. From now on, nothing “in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:39).

The new world imagined by Jesus is here. It has arrived already. It has broken into our present, and it is remaking us. We can even now, stumbling attempt after flawed stumbling attempt, begin to live in light of it, to embody its promise, to partake of and revel in its audacious wholeness.

In the one of the very last scenes of the Bible, one of the early Christian prophets says that he saw a vision of us, the church, the people of God, appearing before God as God’s bride. And then he hears a heavenly voice that says this:

See, the home of God is among mortals. He will dwell with them; they will be his peoples, and God himself will be with them; he will wipe every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; mourning and crying and pain will be no more, for the first things have passed away.

May that new world, which is here right now among us in and through our risen Lord Jesus, come in all its radiance and wonder and fullness. And may we taste the promise-keeping, covenant love of God in the supper of the Lamb which we’re about to eat.

Amen.

[nothisis-ridiculous]

Take Me Home Now: Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven: To The Place I Belong

Set after the events of ME3.

A rewrite. Ao3.

FemShepxKaidan

Evelyn ripped around the Recruit; the endless stream of energy the kid displayed was a thing of envy. She was an old soldier indeed- growing exhausted from just watching the child play about excitedly. Once she swore never to become that person, but it had progressed subconsciously. It was far more than a physical tired; emotionally and mentally, she was a strange form of exhaustion that taxed her brain to move on a typical day- on the worst days, it was immobilizing. "Please, just one more lift," the mousy-haired girl begged. "You're going to get me in trouble again." Evelyn pouted, "she's not watching right now. Plus, Rahna said she isn't mad it just makes her sad, which makes her act mad." "So you want to make her sad?" "No," but there was still a little bit of defiance in the utterance. "Plus, don't you want some of that energy for Pater?" "Ugh, we won't be there for  forever ."

"You could try napping in the Mako," Jane retreated as the kid threw her a cross look, "or you could write another log." The kid was precocious, but Jane liked that about her. She was only privy to the existence of the log because of her Spectre status. Evelyn had believed what all others would take as a lie at face value. Claiming a secret mission, the kid was more than onboard to keep mum about the existence of a previous life. Though Evelyn may begrudge her later, Jane hadn't utterly lied to her. "But, you're doing dangerous things," Evelyn whined. Super dangerous if they allowed the seven-year-old to bother her, no doubt, "I suppose I am. How about you help me keep an eye out for any baddies?" It kept her entertained for a while, at least until Jane started to recognize some of the roads again. Her detail was ornamental at this point the route had been quiet. Who would disturb a company of Makos and Kodiak shuttles? Having boots on the ground was only required because of the state of chaos the city was under from reasons that ran from collapsed structures to faulty ordinances. The medical equipment was worth far more than creds; it was a step toward rebuilding. Jane paused once the building crested the horizon, the corpse of Harbinger in rest behind it. Her hand raised, bringing the caravan to an immediate halt. "What's the holdup?" the 2nd lieutenant buzzed over her comm. "I want a scan of this area, "Jane couldn't quite place the exact threat, it was an absurd tingle that whispered caution, "get behind me." The woman's demeanor bid the child to comply. "Mec-" Jane's pistol fired a split second before the comm's warning, blasting the processing 'head' clean off the LOKI unit. "Woah, Woah, Woah," a figure shouted from between the buildings, the white-haired figure raised his hands, "just mechs, Recruit." "Pater!" Evelyn cried, running from her side without a hint of caution. Half tackling the man with the ferocity of her joy, but he recovered quickly, spinning the girl around before setting her down. Holding her hand for the rest of the trip to the convoy. Roy's forehead knocked against her's, hands holding her face, "fucking hell, Recruit." "LT." "Jane, you-" his voice quivered before it left, pushing her aside with unintended belligerence. His steps were wobbly as he approached the short woman wearing a sour expression. They stared at one another. He stopped just out of arms reach from the woman. "I'm not going to smack you, you old geezer." The LT muttered something unintelligible as he swept the woman up into his arms. Cue the crying and all the grotesque cuteness one could endure from the scene. Jane had to look away; it was like watching her parents kiss. It was something better left unimagined and unseen, and sure it happened just somewhere else. The pang of envy was also unbearable, despite how happy she felt for them. It was time to look for an exit. Apparently, after trouble ran into her- "It's nice to see some of the Alenko family reunited." "Is this a joke to you?" envy helped pull a simmering anger into a seething mass of it. Rahna remained gentle, undaunted, "it would be good for all of you to have some closure." Logic bid that Strawberry couldn't have known that her Roy was the Major's father. While she knew who Helen was, Jane hadn't been exactly willing to spend any time with another person during her recovery. It all seemed obvious now if she hadn't been so clouded with grief and self-gratifying misery. "Please, let me go," Jane begged. ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ Harbinger's warm (for London) breath collided around her form. They sat in a prolonged stalemate of silence, the Reaper judging the creature before him. What was a flawed creature of flesh compared to a collective intelligence? This ant was pathetic, hardly able to pose a threat to itself. Yet here it sat, thinking it was worthy of words. But it wasn't without pithy for the small things. "Death wouldn't claim you." Why would it? The real punishment was surviving. Reliving the guilt without a

barrier to stop the whole barrage of the tide. While she fought and campaigned against forces that seemed impossible, she had a way to hold back the pain. A reason to forget, a goal that kept her focused on what was forward and not on the past. The failure of losing one homeworld seemed small compared to the loss of all advanced life in the Milky Way. But now, with time, without a goal to keep her focus forward the weight of Thessia, Earth, The Citadel, Palavan, and countless untold colonies compounded together. Her personal failures insult to the injury. If only she could have provided more evidence about the Reaper threat. If she had tried harder, been louder, would they have listened to her? Was it a mistake to abandon Cerebrus? They were evil, no doubt, but could those resources have made the difference? If they had managed to find the Catalyst earlier, the galaxy would have suffered less loss. Instead of the Illusive Man needing to make her an enemy, would her compliance have stopped the indoctrination of the organization? Had she pushed them to that extreme? Was it a mistake to not take the Dalatrass's deal and fool the krogan? Even if for a short while. Was her moral qualm worth the lives and time it took? There was always more she could have given. Her repentance must be witnessing the Galaxy struggle to rebuild after what she had brought upon it. "Who would believe you were Shepard?" Just another facet she wanted to forget. How could she face his parents? Was it wrong to stick around? Helen was a nominal presence in her life, but the LT... him she couldn't forsake. Roy's company brought her peace, likely out of familiarity, a brief reprieve from the current of guilt that swept her under. Guilt she didn't want to bring into their relationship, shame that her attempt to save his son had failed. She wasn't ready to talk about Kaidan or the Normandy. It was still too much of a burden, the force petrifying her humanity. What would it change between them? Or the way everyone looked at her? Would they shun her for what she could no longer be? Couldn't she steal a little light? At the time, she hadn't saved the man for Kaidan, but at least she could protect them now. Or try her damnedest as Jane, as much would not be expected from her. "I see we found Harold again," a graveled voice chided disapprovingly. Jane flinched at the physical contact, finding her words to come out in a tumbling mess, "shouldn't you be shacking up with your old lady?" "Who's to say I haven't." Now, this was super gross, "you picked a fun one." His eyebrow raised, but he otherwise ignored the undertone of Jane's statement, "Alenko men always pick a partner far out of their league. I think my son really took the cake, though." Jane tensed, waiting for the inevitable. He knew. He had to. Rahna wouldn't keep quiet, not now. Why else would he leave his wife? Nearly two years' absence was nothing compared to a stranger disappearing for a month. "A Spectre is a Spectre, and never for an arbitrary reason," she retorted defensively, no longer waiting for the blow to come. It was also a little personal- she loathed whenever someone implied Kaidan simply rode her coattails. Yes, he was monumentally important in her crusade, but the man was his own force to be reckoned with. He was capable, intelligent, level-headed, and most of all kind. It was rare to have someone never ask anything of her, as he had. Rarer to not be put on a pedestal, the Major had always seen her as human. As a person and not the title. Despite how challenging the distance between them had been, she would always respect that he never wavered on his choice to act independently from her. "Heh, did someone have a celebrity crush?" Roy shook his head, "I didn't come here to reminisce. I wanted to speak with you about something." "Okay, let's have it." He took in a deep breath, folding his arms in a manner that made her question how she had missed the resemblance, "about that day, the raid. Look, I appreciate what you were trying to do for me, but never do

that again." "I can't promise that," she returned flatly. "You know," he drew in a steadying breath, his tenor turning into a heartbreaking rumble, "it's possible you have people out there that care about you. You're a stubborn shit, but you're becoming like one of my own. Maybe you can't imagine someone coming back for you, but one day someone's going to thank me for keeping your sorry ass alive for them." "You can lecture me all you like then," she quipped, but the hot tears slipping out from the corners of her eyes betraying her true feelings. Roy's hand returned to her shoulder, letting the woman release in complete silence. He waited a few minutes after her shaking had stopped to speak again. "But you should come inside, there may or may not be a banner with your name on it awaiting you," he said wryly, "while I think Evelyn may not mind all the attention on her, she does not need that much cake."

[chatonne-rousse]

The Pole Kit and Kaboodle

Written for @smutember, Day 3: Striptease

@tsuki-chibi, I owe you one for all your encouragement and the great ideas you provided.  You’re the best!  ♥

This can also be read on Ao3.

They break apart for air, heaving breaths amplified in the silence of Adrien’s cavernous bedroom. Marinette’s hands still clutch at his back beneath his t-shirt; he lowers his head to her bare shoulder and sucks a possessive mark into her skin.

Her sundress is long gone, unbuttoned an hour ago by eager yet careful hands and parted reverently to reveal the lacy bra that now hangs from one shoulder.

Lips and tongue and teeth explore that same shoulder now, claiming every inch of skin up, up the curve of her neck and oh! The jolt of arousal that zings down her spine has her hips pressed to his of their own accord, while he soothes the spot his teeth have just nipped.

“You like that, Mari?” He purrs, huffing a pleased laugh against her skin before dipping back down to do it all over again just behind her ear.

She can practically hear the smug grin in his voice, but imagining it on Adrien’s sweet face seems wrong somehow. It’s a look more suited to a certain black cat, whom Marinette has no intention of thinking about while her boyfriend tugs her bra strap further down her arm and follows its path with kisses.

This is wonderful, of course, and her senses sing with delight at the smell of his shampoo, the taste of his minty lip balm still on her tongue, the delicious weight of his body between her legs and his soft skin beneath her fingertips. But when her bare thighs rub against his jeans as her hips search for more friction, it’s not difficult to notice the disparity in their states of undress.

He’s just freed her breast from its confines when she decides they need to even the score a bit.

Her hands glide whisper-soft down the plane of his back, and she’s gratified by the surprised gasp she hears (and feels) at her chest. She takes a quick detour just below the waistband of his jeans to feel the warm skin and tight muscles there before grabbing his t-shirt hem and starting to pull it up so it can join her dress on the coffee table.

It’s a shame he has to pause the magic his tongue is working right now, but the sacrifice will be worth it when she can feel their bodies pressed skin to skin, a pleasure she’d imagined in fantasy but still hasn’t gotten used to the wonder of in real life.

When he realizes what she’s trying to do, he makes a noise of disapproval against her skin before quickly sitting up and tugging his t-shirt back down.

It happens so fast that Marinette is left wide-eyed in surprise, the cool of the room making her still-wet nipple harden further.

This does not go unnoticed.

“I’ll be back for you,” Adrien reassures her bare breast, pointing a finger at it, “And I haven’t forgotten you,” he reminds the other, still tucked behind lace.

It’s one of the most ridiculous things she’s ever witnessed in her life, and she can’t stop the bark of laughter that bubbles up in her chest, cutting through the sting of his sudden retreat.

She quirks an eyebrow and gestures between them. “I'm feeling underdressed. Care to even things out?”

“Uh uh uh,” he sings, wagging his index finger dramatically like a ticking metronome. At the confused furrow in her brow, he deflates a little, his hand moving instead to the back of his neck.

“I, um, had an idea,” he says sheepishly.

“O…kay?”

His answering grin is pure elation, his playful swagger returning as he leaps from the sofa.

“I think you’ll love it!” She hears him call from the vicinity of his desk.

Her heart swells, her smile returns.

Oh, this boy.

She pulls her wayward bra strap back up onto her shoulder and resituates everything comfortably. Whatever he has planned will probably lead them back to the sofa - or the bed, or his desk, or the skate ramp - and her underwear will be added to the clothing pile in a few minutes anyway. At least, she hopes so.

Intimacy isn’t brand-new for them, but it’s still as thrilling as it was those first few times they’d explored each other’s bodies and discovered just how euphoric it could be to fall apart against the fingers and tongue of another, turning love into something tangible by way of racing hearts and trembling hands. Alone time in the quiet of her loft was eclipsed forever the first time she saw his climax cross his face at the same moment she felt it inside.

They’re still clumsy sometimes, still learning about sex and each other, but the shine hasn’t worn off yet, and she hopes it never does.

Peeking over the sofa, she finds him holding his desk lamp in one hand and scrolling frantically through his phone with the other. She smiles to herself when his face lights up upon finding what he was looking for. He lifts his head and finds her watching him, his eyes going soft with adoration at the same time his lips quirk in a sly grin.

Seriously. This boy.

He pushes the foosball table toward the corner with his hip before tucking the base of the lamp between the rows of players and setting his phone on the turf beneath their feet.

Looking around for a nearby plug, he has to push the table back in the other direction until he can find a spot the cord will reach. He finally switches on the lamp and maneuvers the adjustable neck to create his own spotlight as Marinette watches with amusement as the scene unfolds. That is, until he fumbles it and shines the bright light directly into her eyes.

She shrieks and hears him curse before running over to her.

“Shit!” he mutters again, placing a finger under her chin and tilting her face toward his. “I’m so sorry, Marinette.”

It takes a few blinks to clear the blinding spots from her eyes, but the relief in his gaze is a sweet consolation once her vision clears. She rises just enough from the sofa to press her lips to his and delights in his sigh against her cheek.

“I’m fine, Adrien,” she assures him as she settles into the sofa, tucking her legs beneath her and propping her elbow on the back cushion. She shoots him a cheeky wink. “You certainly have my attention.”

His lips quirk in a crooked smile and he rubs the back of his neck as he returns to the foosball table, reaching down and pressing play on the song he’d chosen earlier. A slow and sultry melody begins as he takes his place and strikes a pose that makes her giggle.

“Are you ready, Mari?” He asks with an eyebrow wiggle.

“You have the floor. Seduce me, beau gosse.”

His cheeks pinken but he catches the rhythm of the song’s intro and starts to sway his hips with the music. A moment later, he bends down to quickly untie his shoes, still punctuating each beat with a shake of his behind, even as he struggles with the laces.

Marinette bites the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing, thankfully keeping the warm smile on her face when he pops back up to meet her gaze again.

He shucks one shoe, which she watches sail toward his desk before landing with a thunk. The other shoe is kicked off just as the words to the song begin, but neither of them pay attention to the English lyrics as they watch the orange plimsoll head straight for the television. It clips the top edge before tumbling to the floor behind, leaving the giant television rocking precariously for several long, long moments until it finally settles back in place, unharmed.

Crisis averted, Adrien continues unfazed.

His socks are quickly discarded, mercifully without incident.

Next comes his t-shirt, which Marinette doesn’t think will be any trouble since she’s watched him tug it over his head by the back of the collar numerous times in their haste to undress and come together again.

She is wrong.

In the momentary struggle to remove his shirt from where it’s somehow become stuck on his head, Marinette is treated to the sight of his very, very chiseled abs, muscles rippling as he flails his arms above his head. She’s always wondered how on earth he got so ripped - when does he have the time? - but she’s definitely not complaining.

Finally free, Adrien gleefully throws the shirt to his solo audience member, who catches it with a laugh and clutches it to her chest like the prize that it is.

This striptease is proving two facts she already knew: One, he is an absolute doofus, and two, she loves him beyond measure.

Refocusing on her beloved doofus while shamelessly inhaling the familiar scent of his t-shirt, she watches him begin to unbuckle his belt and feels a little fluttery all of a sudden.

When a few sweet kisses while watching an anime an hour ago had led to roaming hands and discarded clothing and his body pressing hers into the sofa, the destination was clear. However, the entertaining detour of the last few minutes got her sidetracked. Suddenly, the clink of his buckle has her very much looking forward to the removal of those last few articles of clothing.

Buckle undone, hips still swaying languidly with the beat, he takes a moment to unbutton and unzip his jeans before whipping his belt from its loops with a flourish.

Just as the singer croons, “Throw your clothes on the floor,” Adrien’s jeans fall to the hardwood.

Marinette’s jaw is clenched, lips pressed tightly together, practically vibrating with her attempt to keep from laughing.

Undeterred, he steps from his jeans to the tune of “I’m gonna take my clothes off, too” and promptly trips, falling toward the armrest of the sofa and just barely catching himself with one hand instead of his handsome face, though his knees hit the floor with a heavy thump.

Marinette jumps up, nerves alive with adrenaline and worry, and rushes around the sofa toward him.

“Oh my god, Adrien! Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

He’s clearly mortified, blushing from the tips of his ears to the top of his chest.

“No, no, I’m fine,” he hastily assures her as he gets to his feet again and kicks his traitorous jeans under the foosball table, sending a withering glare in their direction.

Marinette perches on the sofa again, but she’s still wound tightly after watching him fall.

The song nears its end, trailing off in a medley of warbling voices. After a pause, the slow and sexy intro builds again as the song repeats.

Adrien matches the rhythm with his hips once more, now clad in only black boxer briefs, and dance-walks to the fireman’s pole.

"No..." she whispers under her breath.

"Yes!" he sings, drawing out the vowel on a long, dramatic vibrato.

He grabs the pole with one hand and leans away, letting gravity take over as he spins once, then twice around it.

In the next moment, he's shimmying to the top, only his bare feet visible beneath the mezzanine floor. Suddenly, his upper body drops through upside-down, his head missing the metal by inches. Right knee wrapped around the pole, his right hand grips loosely as he slides slowly toward the floor.

The look of sheer joy on his face is contagious. Marinette squeals with laughter and applauds his showmanship when he unhooks his knee and flips to the floor, throwing his arms in the air like an Olympic gymnast who's just landed a perfect dismount.

Clearly soaking up her approval, Adrien spins lazily around the pole, this time locked around it by the crook of his elbow.

Soon he scrambles up the pole again, calling down to her, "Hey, Marinette! I'm Père Noël!"

When he pops up against the mezzanine railing, he finds her face looking up at him scrunched in confusion.

"I'm at the North Pole!"

"Boo!" she heckles, rolling her eyes. "Two out of ten. You can do better."

He's still laughing on his next descent, this time going for a "Look Mari, no hands!" approach. He leans his entire body away from the pole and slides down on one hooked knee, using the core strength that must be hidden in those sculpted abs she enjoys so much to keep his torso nearly perpendicular to the pole.

Now, that's at least relatively impressive.

Marinette whistles her appreciation, judiciously ignoring his crash landing.

"Bravo, bravo!" She blows him a flurry of kisses as he bows. "You make a great case for why every child should grow up with a stripper pole in their bedroom."

His face falls into an indignant pout. "It's a fireman's pole and you know it," he huffs.

She waves her hand. "Semantics."

This is quickly devolving into a nearly-nude comedy routine punctuated by feats of strength and agility, but the sultry music still plays in the background, the song now entering its third encore.

Adrien shakes his head at his girlfriend in mock solemnity.

"I should've known you weren't ready for the pole shebang."

She bites back the immediate and obvious retort that comes to mind on a wave of red and black and green déjà vu. There's no way she's heard that awful joke before...right?

Marinette shakes the thought of her superhero partner from her mind and focuses instead on watching - okay, appreciating - Adrien's delicious backside when he bends forward and grips the pole with both hands. Although this current view of a muscled back, strong thighs, and black-clad ass that could've been carved from marble by a Renaissance master is eerily reminiscent of her longtime partner, she is absolutely not thinking about Chat Noir right now.

No. Way.

Except she is. She can't help it.

Because when Adrien hops from the floor and uses the strength in his upper arms to hold himself upside down, knee hooking around the pole, she knows she's seen this before.

Long ago, on a dark rooftop in La Défense, high above the city, two teenage superheroes out way past their bedtime talked and laughed and ate day-old pastries, sharing a thermos of hot tea.

"Hey, Bugaboo! Watch this!"

Famous last words, she thinks, giving him an amused half-smile and shaking her head at the disaster that's certainly to come. He's such a try-hard. Such a dork. No one could be a better partner than he is.

Chat Noir walks to a spot beneath an air duct that crosses the roof about fifteen feet overhead. He presses the button on his baton, and it creates a vertical tension rod between the ground and the metal above. He tests its sturdiness before cracking his knuckles and grinning at his partner.

It's almost impressive, watching him climb upward using only his hands and his Miraculous-granted strength, back and legs perfectly parallel to the pole until he gets to the top and slides back down in a curving arc to the roof below.

Ladybug claps politely when he bows but can't hide her grin.

"Well, what else can you do, Acrochat?"

"Ha! Good one, My Lady! Prepare to be amazed." He claps once to psych himself up before taking to the pole again, this time holding on with only one hand as he kicks out from the ground in a spin, whirling around the pole like a superpowered human tetherball. He catches the pole with his other hand after a few rotations and uses the momentum to bring his legs up over his head to hook one knee around the pole. Dangling upside-down, he spreads his arms wide with exuberance.

She giggles at his antics and claps again, this time adding a little cheer for good measure. It was a pretty cool trick, after all.

"That, Bugaboo," he says cockily, shooting her upside-down finger guns, "is the pole kit and kaboodle."

Ladybug rolls her eyes and groans. "That was bad, even for you, Minou."

She wonders how he'll get down from that position, but isn't left wondering for long. He grips the pole with both hands close to the roof above his head. This looks...precarious. When he unhooks his knee, he tries to hold himself up with his arms, but gravity is too strong for even a superhero sometimes.

He flops to the ground, then konks his elbow on the baton when he tries to stand up. He shakes out the tingles and grabs his staff with his other hand, shrinking it to its stowable size.

Howling with laughter, Ladybug whips her yo-yo from her waist and opens the communicator, typing the number 10 in a large font on the screen. When he turns to face her, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck, she holds it up high, hollering, "Woohoo!"

The true, celestial stars really aren't visible above major metropolitan cities like Paris. But tonight, Ladybug sees them in her partner's eyes as he laughs along with her. Moments like this with your very best friend don't come along every day, especially for two 16-year-old superheroes carrying the weight of the world.

"You might want to practice that dismount, Chaton," she wheezes.

"You know what, My Lady? I think I can do that."

It's a precious memory, and Marinette is reliving it right now.

Adrien's knee is hooked around the fireman's pole that's inexplicably part of the decor of his bedroom and not a superhero's baton wedged beneath a commercial air duct. But it doesn't matter. The sheer joy on his face, the way he spreads his arms wide and gazes at her upside-down - it's Chat Noir through and through. She didn’t know it two minutes ago, but she knows it now with an ironclad certainty.

And she knows exactly what he'll say next.

"That, my love," he declares, finger guns and all, "is the pole kit and kaboodle."

Marinette laughs because there's nothing else she can do.

When he grasps the pole above his head to prepare the dismount, Marinette reaches for her phone on the coffee table and opens the text app. This time, he lands on his feet, though he still konks his elbow on the pole as he stands up.

"Why does that always happen?" He mutters under his breath as he shakes the tingles out of his arm.

Adrien turns toward the sofa but stops in his tracks when she holds up her phone, a large-font perfect 10 lighting up the screen.

"You might want to practice that dismount, Chaton," she says softly, voice trembling with both nerves and the hysterical laughter she can barely suppress. "You did better than last time, though."

She watches the emotions cross his face one at a time - surprise, confusion, shock, and a dawning incredulity - before he looks from her eyes to her phone and back again.

"My...Lady?"

She nods, wide-eyed, blushing, her pulse roaring in her ears. There's no way this is happening. There's no way she's sitting on Chat Noir's sofa in her bra and panties.

Adrien stares at the floor and rubs the back of his neck. (Of course he does. In all these years, how did she not see it? How did she not see it in every little thing he did?)

"I..." he trails off, taking a deep breath. "I forced myself to get over you...because I'd fallen in love with you."

Marinette nods again.

"And I turned you down over and over because I was in love with you."

Forget him talking to her chest. This exchange is the most ridiculous thing she's ever witnessed in her life. Wild laughter bursts from her again unbidden, and this time she can't stop.

Hundreds of moments and memories of the past five years crash over her, friendship and love and heroic duty, anguish and joy and everything in between. Four separate lives become two before blending into one incredible relationship.

Holy shit.

She’s been dating Chat Noir for more than a year. She’s been sleeping with Chat Noir for six months! She is, in fact, intending to have sex with Chat Noir in approximately the next ten minutes.

She’s...truly, wildly, deeply in love with Chat Noir.

Of course she is. Of course.

Tears spring to her eyes even as she laughs herself toward hyperventilation.

Adrien - Chat Noir! - kneels on the floor in front of the sofa, his beautiful features painted with worry, and takes her shaking hands in his.

“My Lady? Marinette? Talk to me, please. Are you--?”

“I’m fine,” she manages to croak. “I promise.”

Several deep breaths later, she’s almost gotten herself under control. Her pulse is racing, but that’s probably not going to settle for quite a while, especially if he’s still amenable to what she’s now nearly-desperate to do in the next few minutes.

The relief in his eyes when she smiles and reaches out to caress his cheek makes her heart ache.

“I love you so much,” she whispers. The words are spoken without thought, as though they’ve come straight from her heart and bypassed her brain entirely, but the statement shines with the same truth it held the first time she said it to him and every time since.

“Still?” He asks quietly.

Oh, Minou.

“More,” she answers. “Always.”

He surges up on his knees, wrapping her in his arms and pressing his lips to hers in a kiss so full of passion it sends a shiver down her spine.

Marinette responds in kind, willing him to feel every bit of love she has for him, no matter what name he goes by.

This is beyond her imagination, and she'll undoubtedly freak out about it later, but right now, in Adrien's arms, it's shockingly easy to slot the two together, her partner and the love of her life. Of course they'd been in love with each other all this time. They're meant to be partners in every facet of life, it seems.

There is a very important discussion in their future, but it's already waited five years, and it can wait until they show each other exactly how much they love one another. Moments like these don't come along every day, especially for two young adults in love, who also happen to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders.

The blissful, lovestruck look on his face as he enters her is stamped on her memory anew each time they find themselves entwined like this. It’s so beautiful, and only, ever, always for her. Tonight when he fills her and she gasps, “Yes, Chaton!” against his lips - oh, his expression is priceless.

From the other side of the room, Boys II Men quietly sing “I’ll Make Love to You” on an endless loop. And Marinette delights in letting Adrien do just that.

[roseofithaca]

First Strike

One last mini-fic before it’s back to work for me. Inspired by something @cecret-with-c said months ago about if Chris revealing himself had been more intense. It’s been a while since I wrote some whump as well.

What if Chris had done more than punch Eleanor in the face? (Sort of a sequel to Let Me In).

Once again, Michael is grateful that he was given a human suit with such long legs to help him sprint in such far strides. He’s had to do more running than he ever expected to do in the past couple of years and the only time he was ever ‘caught’ was when he willingly gave himself up, not that he counts that time as a loss.

He races across the town, ignoring the heads of the Janet babies who turn in his direction out of vague, programmed curiosity, making his way towards the most dull-looking beige bungalow on the corner. It’s the house of the grandmother no kid ever wanted to visit because all she did was sit in her armchair and forbid laughter while she ranted about the noisy ‘illegals’ living next door.

The door is closed. From the outside, there’s no obvious sign of distress. 

And of course, every resident’s home is made to be sound-proof in the interest of privacy (a feature Tahani pushed on when Janet revealed the ‘surveillance’ feature of Michael’s previous experiment. They weren’t happy about that). It explains why the others are all going about town as normal despite being close enough to hear any sort of ruckus.

He braces himself before rushing forward, finding the door unlocked as he turns the handle.

“Eleanor?” He calls, immediately. 

What awaits him inside is as bad as he predicted, furniture turned aside, a few smashed vases and torn, hideous flowery wallpaper. But at least nothing is on fire. Michael feels that’s always a plus to be counted in most situations.

He stumbles in, almost tripping over the leg of an upturned side-table. 

“Shirt...Eleanor?!” Michael tries again, looking down the hall, the house seeming like a small bull just charged through the place.

“I’m here.”

He follows the dejected voice to the living room, finding her sat on the one half that remains of broken sofa. The tiny bit of relief he feels at first to see her in once piece shatters when she raises her head up from her hands.

An uneven pattern of swollen bruises decorate her face, tearful eyes shining between the puffy lids, blood still dripping from a cut on her lip and to the side of her left eyebrow. There’s marks on her throat, her hands and where her jacket has been torn on her arm as well.

One would think Michael had seen enough beaten up humans in his existence for it to no longer affect him, but the sight of Eleanor in this state cuts deep.

“Shirt...”

She braves the smallest smile; “You should see the other guy.” She then winces, possibly regretting speaking.

“Linda?!” He still can’t believe it. It doesn’t make sense!

He’d been leaving his office to head over to Tahani’s when he’d bumped into a furious Janet, frog-marching a pissed off looking Linda in her grip. Before Michael could ask what the fork she was doing, Janet simply ordered him to get over to Linda’s house, for no other reason than ‘Eleanor is there’. He didn’t need more than that.

It was only after he’d left he smelled the blood on Linda’s hands. Eleanor’s blood. The same that is sprinkled around the room in its destruction and still leaking from her fresh wounds.

“Turns out Linda’s not as boring as we thought.” Eleanor scoffs, raising one of her blackened hands and cringing in further pain; “Fork...”

He puts aside the issue of Linda for a moment as he goes to kneel in front of her.

“Here...” He gently takes her wrists, cradling what looks to be an almost crushed set of fingers, delicately; “It’s okay...”

He snaps his fingers.

Eleanor hisses again, in discomfort more than pain this time, as the bones reset and fuse, her cuts seal up and the bruising settles down, hopefully taking the pain away with it. She lets out a deep sigh, now simply looking pained with exhaustion. 

“Thanks, bud...” 

He stays kneeling before her, eyes full of concern.

“What happened?” He asks, carefully; “Why didn’t Janet do that?”

Eleanor shakes her head, “Y’know what? It’s crazy. I don’t even remember...I just came here, wanting to try again with Linda, see if I could have a talk and understand her...For a few minutes she was just quiet, sitting and sucking on her mints while I did all the talking...And then out of nowhere...she got up and...”

She clenches her fingers on her lap, clenching her jaw to the point Michael hears her teeth grind.

“Take your time.” He tells her; “What did she do?”

“Not she...He.” Eleanor smirks again, annoyed; “Suddenly Linda was speaking in a guy’s voice...Calling me an annoying little bench, raging at me about how he got so sick of having to ‘play nice’ around me, and put up with me, when all he wanted to do whenever I opened my mouth was...Well. You saw for yourself.”

Michael takes a breath. He saw the result. He dreads to imagine what actions the clearly-not-human took to leave Eleanor looking like that.

“I just kinda blacked out, I guess. At first it was almost funny...this little old woman picking her chair up and throwing it at the radio, that was kinda neat. Then he started throwing things at me and I wasn’t ready to get out the way. And then, when I tried to call for Janet...his hands were on me and...” 

It might be more terrifying than the scene he walked in on, to see Eleanor Shellstrop this shaken and struggling to form a sentence. 

He flips the coffee table back upright and slides it close so he can sit and take Eleanor’s healed hands in his. He cages them safely in his own, rubbing them warm.

She laughs again, tears spilling; “Fork, Michael....I dunno what’s wrong with me!”

“You just took ten rounds from a demon, no one is going to judge you for not being yourself.” At least, that’s what he’s assuming. If Linda isn’t a human then angel is also very improbable, which leaves one last option. 

“I’ve dealt with ashholes on Earth trying to cup a feel when I wasn’t interested and I had no trouble handling myself or knowing how to get help. But this...” She trembles in his grip; “I was so....frozen. Like I couldn’t do anything! It was only when I thought he was gonna throw me through the window, I managed to call for Janet. She did offer to fix...” Eleanor gestures to her face; “But I just told her to get that motherforker out and somewhere secure...And I asked for you.”

She...wanted him? That causes a selfish little ball of light to glow inside of him, that he was the first one she wanted, out of the others. 

Then he reminds himself that he’s the only one out of them with magic to heal.

“You said this guy talked about having to put up with you before?”

She nods; “Yeah, I can’t remember if he was in those memories I saw...He might have been at that bar in Canada, I don’t remember. Might be the concussion.”

“Ah...I think I know who Linda might be underneath. I...put you with a lot of demons who posed as your fake soul mate and...one of them kept coming to me with a lot of complaints by the end because he was sick of it. It was only because he had the most handsome skin suit out of them all, he claimed I was being objectifying.” Michael waves off that bit; “His name was Chris.”

If he was working for Shawn to infiltrate them, posing as one of the humans, did he agree to it purely for the chance to finally get to physically hurt Eleanor like he always begged Michael permission for? He feels sick at the idea that he contributed to this in a way. 

“Well I’m glad Chrissy got it out of his system, now I know how guys really feel after having to put up with me.” Eleanor lightly jokes.

“No guy who’s been close to you would ever dream of hurting you like this.” He says that, earnestly.

Even before he changed sides, no matter how crazy Eleanor drove him, no matter how often she foiled his designs, he never wished physical hurt on her. Just to make her miserable by pranks and mind games. Nothing like this.

This was the last thing he ever wanted.

“I’m so sorry, Eleanor.” He brings one of her hands to his lips, “This is my fault.”

“No it’s not, dude.” She says, tired; “I should’ve waited for you to be done at Tahani’s before we checked on Linda...We agreed to do these things together...”

Damn, will he and Janet have to chaperone all the humans now until this is over, in case something else threatens them?

“I’m just pissed that we didn’t see through Linda’s whole boring schtick. Tahani even said something was up with her but I ignored it.” She groans and rubs her head.

“Does it still hurt?” Michael frowns. It shouldn’t do, if he did it right.

Eleanor shakes her head; “No...Not from the fight, just...all of this. I was so sure I could handle it but this...I wasn’t ready for...”

“Blame me. You wouldn’t be in this position if I hadn’t had that break down at the start.” Michael tells her, feeling twisted with guilt.

“You didn’t make me choose to take this on, Michael. Stop it. None of this is on you...I’m just glad you’re here now.”

“Of course.” He gets to his feet and offers her his hand; “C’mon. I think we better call Shawn and tell him we’ve got something of his. And the Judge too while we’re at it.”

Eleanor looks up at him and gives a smile, then a nod, before taking his hand and standing up.

They’re half-way to the door when there’s a sudden tug on his hand.

Michael turns, frowning, seeing Eleanor standing motionless behind him. Her fingers are gripping his with such ferocity, his fingers would probably crunch if he was human, while her shoulders tremble, the smallest wince of panic on her face.

“What is it?” 

Her bottom lip wobbles, her eyes on the ajar pink door; “I...I dunno, I just...I d-don’t wanna go there yet.”

“Eleanor, he’s restrained. Janet’s way stronger than any demon, remember? And I wouldn’t let him touch you agai-.”

“I know that, dude, all right?!” She raises her volume, frustrated; “I don’t need your forking rational argument - I know that he’s all chained up and I’m safe and, whatever, because I’m a sexy badash who doesn’t get scared of anything so, fork you, this isn’t because I’m scared because I’m not! I’m fine! You’re the one who’s scared, I’m just protecting you, got it?! So lay the fork-.”

Once Michael has pulled her into his arms, she shuts up. It’s hard for her to keep babbling once her face is smothered into his chest. He waits for the resistance, to be shoved back, but nothing comes. Instead she stills, before her knees buckle, and her arms slip around his middle to cling to him. He places one hand on her neck and the other on the top of her head, stroking gently.

He just holds her tight for a moment, closing his eyes to stop his senses from seeing all the clear signs in the mess around them of what that deckhead did to her. How there’s a dent on the wall from where she was clearly thrown, or how that particular drop of blood stained on the carpet must have come from a blow to her mouth.

“Michael...Bit too tight, bud, you just fixed these ribs...” Eleanor sniffs against him.

“Sorry, sorry.” He loosens a little, still keeping her close, for as long as she clings to him. He pulls back after another minute to touch her face, searching for those green-blue eyes; “Listen. I know you, remember? No one’s aware of what a badash bench you are more than me, okay? But I also know you’re still human...And humans break, that’s what you guys do, it’s what makes you so amazing. That you can be so spunky even when you’re so stupidly fragile.”

And the more vulnerable they are, such as the small woman in his arms, the more courage they seem to hold to compensate. 

“I know how often you’ve wanted to break down when things got tough but you always had to put up a front to save face. You don’t have to do that with me, remember?” He whispers, softly, his thumb brushing a tear from her face; “You were there for me when I collapsed like a Tahani being told she has to fly economy. You trust me to be still be there for you if you do the same right?”

She sniffs again, nodding.

“It’s not just you, bud. God can’t be seen weeping, can she?” She japes.

With a wave of his hand, the blinds close and the door shuts.

“God can have some privacy. You’ve earned it.” Michael smiles at her and brings her back in again, letting her curl into him, one of her hands grabbing at his jacket; “Take as long as you need. I’m sure Janet can have fun with Chris while he waits for us. Make him sweat. We’ll go when you’re ready.”

Perhaps he’ll ask Janet to have some ‘time alone’ in a quiet room with Chris, even after they’ve called Shawn and the Judge. He might not be Chris’ boss anymore but he still feels the need to offer some ‘managerial feedback’. Which is a euphemism, by the way, he plans on eviscerating the forknut.

He hears the smallest hum.

“Thanks, bud. I dunno what I’d do without you.” Eleanor whispers, still shaky, clinging onto him; “We should’ve known they’d be too dumb to use something like a Michael-suit and instead they pull a stunt like this that gives them away. Forking idiots.”

He chuckles with her, resting his cheek on her head as he keeps her close.

“They’re no match for us. Say it with me...We’ve got this.”

“That’s my line.”

“Our line.” He jostles her a little, delighted by the sound of her laughter, more so when she smiles up at him, that fire slowly starting to ignite in her eyes again. 

Michael moves a strand of her hair away before planting a kiss on her forehead. Only fair, as she kissed his cheek last time, and it had felt...oddly pleasant. 

She sighs, “Fine. We’ve got this.”

He looks down at her, feeling ready to burst with admiration. There she is. Eleanor Shellstrop. Holding it together after taking a pummelling from an immortal being. 

Unstoppable, as always. 

Better luck next time, Shawn, old pal. But try to lay a finger his humans again and there will be Here to pay.

[kiwispideys]

Manly (Peter Parker X Trans Male!Reader)

A/N: Hi all! Sorry I haven’t been writing, as a lot has changed in my life and I’ve been focusing on making my final year of high-school the best I can before I have to go off into the real world and have to actually adult. But a hope you all are doing okay with COVID going on and feel free to message me if your anxiety is really high or anything like that :)

Peter Parker X Trans Male! Reader

note: REQUESTS ARE OPEN! I DON’T DO SMUT!!! IF YOU’RE NOT SURE OF A CELEB/FANDOM JUST ASK ;)

@eat-moar-veggis​ asked:  hi, could i request a spider-man imagine where Peter and Ned are trying to help the trans boy reader act/look more like a guy? it could be serious or funny, your pick. thanks in advance!

Summary: When you ask a question out of the blue, Peter and Ned try their best to make you feel better

It was a usual Friday night for you, Ned, and Peter. Ordering takeout and staying home playing video games or having a movie marathon of whatever series you felt like… Although, it usually ended up being Star Wars.

That was until you asked, “I’m not manly enough am I?” out of the blue. So out of the blue, Peter was shocked you even asked the question.

As a trans male, Peter knew your struggles to be accepted by others was a lot harder than his. Even though you looked like your everyday teenage boy, people would still find out and judge. Often vocalising them at school, with statements such as:

“Your walk isn’t manly.”

“Your voice is too high.”

“No matter how many surgeries you have, you’ll still be a girl.”

Most of the time you ignored these comments… most of the time. But Peter could tell that some things had been bothering you lately, you hadn’t been as happy as you usually were. Not as many witty remarks, looking tired all the time, not up for any of your trio’s usual shenanigans. Peter didn’t know what had happened or when throughout the day it had happened but he was determined to get you out of this mindset.

“Y/N, there isn’t such a thing of being manly enough.” He said.

“You know what I mean, I don’t pass enough. Everyone just thinks I’m a butch lesbian which I’m not!”

“Ok alright! You stay right there. We’re giving you a lesson.” Peter said standing up from the beanbag, turning the video game off that you guys had previously been playing, and dragging Ned along with him. Five minutes later he and Ned returned dressed up exaggerating their “manliness.” Peter was in baggy sweatpants, a cap on backwards, had a fake tattoo sleeve, a white tank top and a grey hoodie. With Ned was in similar attire while flexing his arms and posing like a bodybuilder.

“I’m Max,” Ned said, lowering his voice.

“And I’m Aaron.” Peter also had lowered his voice.

“We heard you wanted to know how to be more manly. Did you not?” Ned asked you.

You laughed and nodded.

“Well, you came to the right people because we are the manliest people you could find.” Peter continued. 

“Right, Y/N, stand up and show us your walk for us.” You laughed once more and stood up and walked around the room.

“No! No! No!” Ned said, shaking his head. “You’ve got a package in here, No?” He said gesturing to the pelvic area. “So you’ve got to walk a little wider with your feet. Like this.” Ned walked around the room with wide feet. The picture of Goofy came to mind as you watched him walk, making you laugh once more. “Now you try!” So you did what Ned had said and walked exaggeratedly around the room, earning a massive round of applause from the two boys.

“Now that we’ve solved that part, now with sitting in a chair,” Peter said pulling up a chair and plonking himself in it. “You see...” He said preparing to sit down. “-when you sit down you take up as much room as humanly possible.” He said stretching himself over the chair, taking up as much room as possible, no matter where his limbs were at. Following Peter’s instructions, you sat down in the beanbag behind you and stretched over the beanbag. Taking up as much room as you could, not caring what silly angles your legs and arms were at. The two boys chuckled at the sight of you genuinely enjoying yourself, a scene they hadn’t seen in a little while. 

“Y/N,” Peter said, sitting down next to you. “- just remember, being “manly” is just some dumb social construct. You can be anywhere on the scale of masculinity but that doesn’t define who you are as a man.”

“It kinda does Pete…” You murmur.

“You know what I mean!” He laughs, gently pushing you with his shoulder.

“Yeah, like look at us! We’re just a couple of nerds but we’re still men.” Ned pipes in.

“Thanks guys, you’ve definitely put me in a better mood.” You say hugging the two of them.

“Now, who’s ready for a Star Wars Marathon?”

[ladyartemisia28]

Say Amen (Saturday Night)Chapter 4

Pairings: Prinxiety, side Logicality, Platonic Moxiety, Platonic/Family Logince.

Warnings: Cursing?

Words:4179

Summary: Sanders Sides Human College AU

Chapter 4- Nine in the Afternoon

~

Author’s Note- Very advised to get a hold of the song Welcome to the Black Parade- by My Chemical Romance.

~

After they finished gathering their things, Roman led Virgil out to the parking lot.

He slowly shuffled his feet as he caught up to Roman who walked up to open the trunk of a very nice red car. The symbol on the front of the car was a large L.

Virgil raised his eyes up from the ground to look at the vehicle with wide eyes.

“This is your car?” he roughly tossed his bag in the back set

“Yeah, I was hoping for a Lamborghini.” Roman joked with a wink as gently placed his bag in the trunk.

Virgil attempted silence small bitter voice in his head.

“When I was 14 and my cousin, Adora, got her Quiñceanera. She chose me to be her chambelán de honor or chosen escort. I was SOOOOOO JEALOUS!” He dramatically flourished with his hands as he grabbed the trunk lid and closed it shut. “So to bribe me my parents told me that they'd get me a car a year early.”

“Sorry but I have to ask, but I...I'm not sure what it is?” Virgil asked

“Oh uh, sorry” Roman apologized with a smile.

Virgil hummed as a response.

“It's the big birthday that Cis Latina girls get when they turn into 'women'. Silly and patriarchal, I know!” Roman added with a open palms gesture when he saw the eyebrow raise that Virgil gave. “But it was so fun, so fancy and beautiful!”

Roman pushed the key fob to unlock the car and they got themselves settled in.

“It's fucked up that other genders don't get anything like that.”

“Yeah I even stole the catalogue that she picked her dress out of. I cut out my favourites and glued my face on them. Put them all up and down my mirror.” Roman said with a proud smile remembering the happy memories.

Images of Roman in slinky cocktail dresses rushed into Virgil's mind. His face dropped to a small frown as he struggled to stop that particular train of thought.

Roman was unsure if he had said something that upset Virgil to make him clam up again.

"Uh you can pick the music if you'd like?” Roman offered as a break in the sudden silence. “CD's are in the middle.”

He waited for Virgil to buckle himself in before he pulled his car out of the parking lot. Virgil went through all the preset radio stations before opening the middle console.

“CD's? I would have thought that you would have your car set up with Spotify or Pandora or something like that?” he said as he opened opened the console and looked through the collection

“Eh, CD's are great. No commercials for long car trips. ”

All of the Cds were for musicals, a few that he had heard of like Phantom of the Opera, Wicked, and Guys and Dolls. And some that Virgil didn't know, Dear Evan Hanson, Six the Musical, and...Legally Blonde? He did not know that that was a musical.

Then he spotted one that Roman had mentioned.

“Um, any suggestions from Heathers? You said that I might like this the 7/11 song?”  

“I usually go through the whole thing in order....but I suggest for you, Track number 4.”

“Could I get some context?” Virgil asked as he pressed the button for the track number.

“The uh, 7/11 scene in the movie...But in song.” Roman offered with a bit of a smug smile.

“I probably should have guessed that.” he admitted with a grumble.

Virgil closed his eyes as he listened to the song and imagined the scene in his head.

Just like in the Heathers movie JD was recounting to Veronica how he travelled all over the place because of his father. And because of that he didn't feel like he was able to connect to the people and places. No place felt like home, except for 7/11.

It was always a weird scene in Virgil's opinion. Like JD is just opening up to this person he just met and telling her his very strong feelings about a convenience store and Slushies.

Even though it was strange Virgil had to admit, it was a good song. Parts of the song were a little to close to home, like “When the voice in your head says you're better off dead”.

“So what do you think? ”

“Yeah I get it. Its good.”

“That's all?”  Roman asked exasperatedly

“I guess I was expecting something different???”

“Like what?”

“I just thought that JD was going to be a little more intense. Like crazy sounding or something?”

“Ah what YOU are searching for is 'Meant to Be Yours' number 17.”

He pressed the button until he reached the number and sat back in his seat to listen.

~

“So is that was you were expecting?” Roman asked as they exited the car after arriving at the store.

“Yeah, it was” Virgil smiled “Real Intense.”

The pair stopped after they reached to threshold to get their bearings.

“I get so lost in here.” Roman complained with a slight whine to his voice. “I don't usually do the grocery shopping.

Before Virgil could comment Roman continued.

“Lo likes to go to make sure that the budget is kept tight, but he's been so busy with his job. He just got his a new taker for his math tutoring.”

“So Logan's your brother?” Virgil

“My brother, well Step brother. My Mama married his Papa. When I was old enough to remember that I was getting a new family, but young enough that it's no longer weird.” Roman offered a little bit more information than necessary.

Roman briefly considered mentioning that he was at the party and Virgil had briefly seen him, but he didn't want to bring up the previous night.

At lest he didn't want to bring it up first.

They were getting along so well that he didn't want to make Virgil uncomfortable.

“Really, I grew up with him so he is my brother. Soooooo do you have any siblings?” Roman began to play with the sleeves of his jacket as he attempted a more personal question.

“Uh yeah, a older sister” he muttered.

“And her name is...?”

“Melantha,” he responded with little inflection “she prefers to be called Missy.”

“Melantha?! WOW, huh! Did your parents just grab a baby name book and open a page at random for ALL their kids!” Roman teased with a mocking laugh as they arrived at the Dairy and Juice section.  

“Yeah haha, Virgil's got a weird name. I've NEVER heard that before.” Virgil rolled his eyes as his tone changed from frosty to salty. “You know Roman isn't really the most common name either.”

“I am far from COMMON! Besides I wasn't saying your name was BAD! It is 'strange and usual like you'.” Roman winked as he tried to steer their conversation back to more friendly waters.

“Quoting Beetljuice at me? You'll have to do better than that.” Virgil grinned in spite of himself as he grabbed a six pack of orange drink and placed it in the cart.

“Come on you gotta give a guy some credit for remembering what your interests are right?”

“Yeah I guess” he said with a reluctantly happier tone.

“Hey do you see the Almond Milk?” Roman asked after he finished his scan bottles and cartons.

“Uh no, I think that might be over in the Organic or like Vegan section. Why does your brother have you on a specialized diet as well as his, what was it? His extremist water agenda? What does that even mean?” Virgil chuckled as he took the cart from Roman and led him toward the other end of the store.

“It's just what I call his super weird thing about getting enough water everyday. And yeah he does keep our kitchen stocked with a lot of green veggies. Also he checks to sure I kept up a sleep schedule”

Virgil's eyebrows rose in surprise at hearing all things.

“Yikes, he sounds like a bit of a control freak...”

“Yeah he is sometimes. Like I have hide my Butterfinger stash from him.” Roman complained. “He's not as bad I make him sound...NEVER tell him I told you that.”  

Roman went over to the shelf and looked over the choices, Soy, Almond, Lactose- Free lined the shelves.

“Oh and to answer why the special milk, I'm THINKING of starting the Paleo diet right now. My brother has no influence on this though, just want to try and see what works. I might try Keto if this one doesn't work for me.

“ah right.” Virgil nodded eyes slightly widened hoping that the look on his face didn't betrayal the fact that he did NOT know what the heck a Paleo or a Keto diet meant.

~

Virgil felt heard a chime from his pocket so he pulled out his phone.

“Hey I'm going to get this.” he shook his phone up to show Roman before he stepped away from the cold of the meat section.

Roman nodded in return as he turned to look at the selection of skinless chicken.

Virgil got a message from Green_Tea_Gay on his Instagram account, Anxious_On_Main.

'Hey so that “Study Partner” is a hot piece!'

'Remy do you have a point' Virgil replied

'Gurl do you know? have you seen his pics? HOW is he Single!!'

After the three little dots disappeared in their place were several pictures

His face reddened as he looked at the pictures of the previously mentioned selfies. Roman wearing tight jeans in front of a mirror with his backside captured on the camera. Another with him laying on his stomach caught at an angle getting his short clad behind in shot.

He quickly glanced over to Roman, who was still distracted.

He looked back at him phone and quickly texted back.

'Don't send me those!'

'They are posted to the public! I didn't hack his phone'

'I don't care, no more pics of his butt'

'K'

Just about the time he was going to put his phone back into his pocket another chime stopped him.

The next series of pictures were of Roman exercising posing with a dumbbell doing a curl, stretching, and other gym activities,  

And the last was Roman in swimwear that exposed more skin than he thought was allowed outside of certain websites.

His body felt instant heat and he looked and took a few calming breaths before returning to message Remy.

'I said no more pics!'

'Sis you told me no pics of his ass'

'DO NOT SEND PICTURES OF ROMAN SANDERSON!'

'Easy there Baby! No need to get your knickers in a twist. I'm just trying to help. Look at what you will be missing if you don't Snatch. That. Up!'

'What the hell Rem! We are NOT getting together! He is not into me.'

'Nah sweetie, you should have been paying more attention. That is totally a smitten kitten'

'You are the worst'

'No I am literally the best and you two are soooo getting together. Don't worry I know I made my point.'

'You asshole'

'Enjoy the pictures ;)'

~

Roman noticed that after he returned from his handling of his phone business Virgil had gotten quiet again and seemed to shift his gaze away from Roman.

'Did I spent too much time with the chicken?'

They walked down to the breakfast aisle.

As Virgil picked up some a box of Count Chocula cereal Roman slowed the cart to a stop behind him.

“You can only get this one around this time of year” he looked at it with a fondness that made Roman's stomach flip.

“So what are you planning on making?” Roman asked as he leaned his arms on the handle bar of the cart.

“Making? Uh, nothing, just like a bowl of cereal.... like with milk...from a cow” Virgil tilted his head to one side.

Confusion on his face as he held up the box and gave it a shake.

Roman could feel heat creep over his face, he was very caught off guard by the unexpected softness on Virgil's face.

'Shit!...now he thinks I'm an idiot who doesn't know how to eat cereal!'

~

Virgil turned around and did not see Roman's flushed face as he hide his own.

Basic cereal... I guess I could be making something with it like a cereal bar or something? A cake? Maybe? It isnt very impressive...and it's probably not on the platleo diet or whatever it was...

They stood in awkward silence until Virgil turned back around.

“I guess that cereal isn't something that YOU would be eating.” he looked at the cart. “From what I see here, you eat like you are going to be in the next Avengers movie or something.”

“Thanks, I mean I try.” Roman said with his eyes downwards as his body did an uncharacteristic shy sway.

“Yeah, I gues if you workout half as much as you take all those pictures, you could get away with more than the occasional  Butterfinger.” Virgil's eyes widened as he realized what he had said.

'.. shut up! shut up! shut up!'

Roman's head snapped up to look at Virgil.

“You've seen my gyms pictures?” Roman asked in a whisper.

“Ah Yeah that's like all over your Instagram page,” he attempted to sound super casual

He did not sound casual.

Like at all

They felt a charged moment between them and the longer it went on the longer they were unsure of who was going to break the silence.

Roman took it upon himself to interrupt the quiet as he tool the box of chocolate cereal in hand.

“I like the marshmallow bats.” he said with sheepish smile.

~

When they returned to the car they loaded Roman's groceries into the trunk and Virgil's bags into the back seat. Then they got themselves settled in their seats.

“SO where am I uh dropping you off?” Roman asked as they pulled out of the parking lot.

“I live in the dorms," Virgil asked as he started his usual habit of checking all the radio stations. “You don't?”

He found a song that he seemed to like on one of stations, Roman recognized it as a song by Imagine Dragons.

“I live in a apartment a little bit away from the college, with Logan.”

“Um, I live in the north dorms.” Virgil said as he a small bit of nervousness as took his thumbnail between his teeth. “With Patton, my best friend.”

After that song ended, a G piano note began the next song. Roman vaguely recognized it from somewhere he couldn't place. He figured when it got to the singing part he would be able to identify it.

~

Virgil tensed out of both excitement and fear.

He was about to embarrassed himself in front of Roman.  At lest Roman was driving so he wouldn't be stared at. So he took a breath and let himself focus on the lyrics.  

“When I was a young boy, my father took me into the city” Virgil sang out beautifully. “To see a marching band”

Roman's jaw dropped and his breath stilled. He felt like he was going to swoon.

He was so very grateful that they were at a red stoplight.

“He said, son, when you grow up Would you be the saviour of the broken The beaten, and the damned? He said, will you defeat them Your demons and all the non-believers?”

Virgil sang with closed eyes losing himself in the song. While Roman's heart thumped hard in his chest and he felt an assortment of warring emotions.

“The plans that they have made? Because one day I'll leave you A phantom to lead you in the summer To join the black parade”

As the song picked up in tempo Roman realized where he had heard this song before. He remembered that he had a few friends who were into My Chemical Romance, it was 'Welcome to the Black Parade'.

“When I was a young boy My father took me into the city To see a marching band He said, son, when you grow up Will you be the savior of the broken The beaten, and the damned?”

Virgil continued a little more intensely. As the song got more upbeat Roman joined Virgil in singing and continued his drive toward the dorm.  

“Sometimes I get the feeling She's watching over me And other times I feel like I should go”

Virgil eyes popped wide open and he smiled.

“And through it all The rise and fall The bodies in the streets And when you're gone, we want you all to know

We'll carry on, we'll carry on And though you're dead and gone, believe me Your memory will carry on We'll carry on And in my heart I can't contain it The anthem won't explain it”

As Roman turned a corner they continued to sing together

“A world that sends you reeling From decimated dreams Your misery and hate will kill us all So paint it black And take it back Let's shout it loud and clear Defiant to the end We hear the call”

Roman followed the music with dramatic hand gestures as he continued driving with his left hand. Even Virgil joined in with less dramatic the hand motions.  

“To carry on We'll carry on And though you're dead and gone, believe me Your memory will carry on We'll carry on And though you're broken and defeated Your weary widow marches”

Virgil sang with a full grinning face, his relief at Roman joining him in singing the song had caused him to relax and he was able to sing louder with more feeling.

“On and on, we carry through the fears (Oh, oh, oh) Disappointed faces of your peers (Oh, oh, oh)”  

Take a look at me 'Cause I could not care at all”

Roman held onto the note at the end for a bit. Virgil continued on with the lyrics

Do or die, you'll never make me Because the world will never take my heart Go and try, you'll never break me We want it all, we wanna play this part I won't explain or say I'm sorry I'm unashamed, I'm gonna show my scar Give a cheer for all the broken Listen here, because it's who we are I'm just a man, I'm not a hero Just a boy, who had to sing this song I'm just a man, I'm not a hero I don't care

They arrived at the dorms parking lot and Roman parked.

We'll carry on We'll carry on And though you're dead and gone believe me Your memory will carry on You'll carry on

And though you're broken and defeated Your weary widow marches on

Roman contuined his singing the longer held notes as they song concluded.

Do or die, you'll never make me Because the world will never take my heart Go and try, you'll never break me We want it all, we wanna play this part (We'll carry on) Do or die, you'll never make me (We'll carry on) Because the world will never take my heart (We'll carry on) Go and try, you'll never break me (We'll carry) We want it all, we wanna play this part (We'll carry on)

“We'll carry on!”

They both sang as the song ended to the sounds of drums.

At the conclusion of the song both Virgil and Roman were out of breath and grinning.

~

Roman felt his heart race.

He had thought that he had experienced maximum attraction that morning toward Virgil. But he was very wrong.

'Damnit Virgil why does your voice have to sound like sexy melted chocolate!'

He fought every instinct to just lean over and initiate a vehicular makeout session.        

Roman caught a brief glimpse of Virgil's eyes peak out from underneath his bangs and he gave him a very full smile.

~

Virgil nervously took a glance at Roman from underneath his dark hair.

Roman had the brightest and most authentic smile that Virgil thought he ever saw on his face.

It wasn't like Virgil thought that Roman faked his other smiles, the feelings of joy and friendliness were not false. But it seemed a lot of the other smiles that Roman gave seemed too perfect, Virgil guessed he practised his expressions in front of a mirror.      

This smile was of shear amazement, it was pointed in Virgil's direction. Like he could not believe what he heard, it caused Virgil to feel an annoying sensation in his chest.

“I didn't know you could sing” Roman spoke softly breaking the silence.

~

“Uh sure I guess I can sing a tune here or there.” Virgil shrugged with a dismissive sigh.

“I think its more than that!” Roman attempted to offer him a very sincere compliment.

“Yeah I'm not about to sell out stadiums anytime.” Virgil chuckled at the thought.

'I wish you were in a band. I'd buy all your albums. Be front row in your concerts, I'd....shit I can't tell him any of this!'

“So My Chemical Romance huh?” Roman said with a wide smirk.

“What about it?!”

“They are like the most cliché Emo band ever.” Roman snickered.

“Ah cliche? Really YOU want to go there do you?!” Virgil said

“Whatever do you mean by that?” Roman asked with a raised eyebrow.

“For a theatre kid you would think you'd dress a bit more stylish or something?” Virgil attempted to say with an indifferent air.

“What like take the costume from Hot Mikado out around the quad?”

“Absolute no clue what that is.” Virgil laughed as he exited the vehicle.

“It's....never mind that. I have only dressed subtly to spare those around me. ” Roman responded as he walked to back of the car. “How would anyone be able to concentrate on their schooling if I were to show up in full regalia?!”

“Full Regalia, huh, you sure think highly of yourself don't you? I'm not sure you should be bragging quite so much.”

“Is that a formal challenge?” Roman felt his racing heart in his chest in the midst of their back and forth.

“Not sure how impressive you'll actually be, but I'll keep an open mind, I guess.” Virgil shrugged with a small smirk as he began to take out the bags.

'I'll show him'

Roman noticed a few heavier bags that he could chivalrously offer to help him with.

“I can help you carry some of your groceries to your dorm?”

“Ah you just want an excuse to come to my room.” Virgil teased in a deep low voice  as he waited for Roman to banter back.

“YES YOU BET I DO!!!!....play it cool, Roman play it cool!'

“N...no...! I uh... as a gentleman I ... have to help anyone I see that is in need...” Roman sputtered out before he took ahold of small package of bagels “You ...you have... you have to carry..lots there.”

~

Virgil read his flustering as a rejection of his flirtation.

“No thanks! I got it! ” he quickly and loudly shouted in a panic as he took the bag out of Roman's hands.

Virgil thought that he and Roman had just shared a moment together.

'You just were imaging it! You shouldn't have believed Remy, you complete moron! ' He sling his messenger bag over his shoulder.

Then he draped the loops of the several other bags onto each elbow crook. And then took another bag into his left hand.

As he struggled to stuff the bagel bag into an already full bag, Roman again attempted to offer help.

“It's not a problem!” Roman gestured to the bagels.

“NO! I got it” Virgil just wanted to disappear as quickly as he could. He then placed the plastic of the bag in between his teeth.

“Cee Ou ENESAH.” Virgil shouted through clenched teeth as he retreated.

“Uh yeah.” Roman spoke to an empty damp parking lot. “see you”

~

Author's Note

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR PATIENCE SO SORRY for the long wait!

The long pause was due to new job and lack of constant access to a working computer.

I think I will still have a job later after the situation clears, but I am unsure....

I

ANYWAYS!

What do people think of me backtracking and converting all of the mentions of DEE to JAE? It won't be too much trouble as he has not even appeared yet.

~

Taglist: (PS YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING!)

@tatesinclairr

@love-is-the-fear-of-loss

@misslilidelaney

@ishoulddyemyhairthatcolour

@dwbh888

@violetshovel

@sadgayisme​

[hearttstopper]

“i have a lot of thoughts about this too especially with the whole watermelon sugar/nameless thing” pls miss britt share ur thoughts id love to hear them

This got so long. I’m really sorry. My thoughts about HS2/In Watermelon Sugar/a bunch of other random stuff under the cut.

These are all thoughts that are only vaguely connected, and stuff that I’m sure has been said a hundred times before mixed with a ton of my own personal conjecture, so please bear that in mind… This is just like total rambling from me. 

But I have been fascinated with Harry’s connections to In Watermelon Sugar since we first heard the stupid rumors about the song. Especially the quote from the book about the narrator’s name. That quote got me thinking about how when it comes to Harry, tons of people only see what they want to see based on whatever ‘version’ of Harry is most appealing to them.

Read these quotes from the book with that in mind:

My Name

“I guess you are kind of curious as to who I am, but I am one of those who do not have a regular name. My name depends on you. Just call me whatever is in your mind.

If you are thinking about something that happened a long time ago: Somebody asked you a question and you did not know the answer.

That is my name.

Perhaps it was raining very hard.

That is my name.

Or somebody wanted you to do something. You did it. Then they told you what you did was wrong—“Sorry for the mistake,”—and you had to do something else.

That is my name.

Perhaps it was a game you played when you were a child or something that came idly into your mind when you were old and sitting in a chair near the window.

That is my name.

Or you walked someplace. There were flowers all around.

That is my name.

Perhaps you stared into a river. There was something near you who loved you. They were about to touch you. You could feel this before it happened. Then it happened.

That is my name.”

and:

“My Name. I do not have a regular name. I am a mystery to you. I wished Margaret would leave me alone…”

— Richard Brautigan, In Watermelon Sugar

The narrator of In Watermelon Sugar isn’t just a nameless figure, he actually invites the reader to give him whatever name they find most fitting for him. A positive connotation, a negative one, a nonsensical one… whatever you, the reader, decides. And that feels like a very apt description of Harry and the various ways fans have perceived him from the very beginning… by now, so many people have projected so many different images onto Harry that over time it has completely blurred all lines as to who Harry actually is. 

Here’s a review I found of the book that summarizes the world within In Watermelon Sugar better than I can (as well as somehow still aligning perfectly with the concept of struggling with fame and identity, etc): “Much of the sense of disparity in [in Watermelon Sugar] results from the incongruity inherent in the person of the narrator, who insists that everything in iDEATH is exactly as it should be—the people gentle, pleasant, and tolerant. Despite the narrator’s insistence that iDEATH is a stable Utopia, however, many of the things that happen are fraught with pain and violence. Balancing the easygoing and vegetarian people with their light chores and flower-filled parades are the man-eating tigers, the burning of the mutilated corpses of inBOIL and his gang, Margaret’s suicide, and the emptiness felt by the narrator but never named.” 

So essentially within In Watermelon Sugar, we’re shown that in the surrealist, post-apocalyptic setting of iDeath, things are only perfect on a surface level. Everyone in this world appears to be happy (or at least, they should be), but a closer look reveals the true nature of iDeath: it’s beyond grim. And so despite the happy, shiny surface, being a part of that happy, peaceful commune is unable to cure the narrator of the inexplicable emptiness he feels inside of him. (‘All the lights couldn’t put out the dark running through my heart.’ ‘Having sex and being sad.’)

The sadness that Harry has already admitted is very prevalent in HS2 has already been implied to be about a ‘breakup,’ but it’s clear to me that Lights Up is anything but a breakup song… (“[Lights Up is about] freedom, self-reflection, self-discovery, things that I had thought about and wrestled with…” + “For me, it’s a very uplifting song. In some places, it’s kind of dark, but to me, it’s like, very liberating. I think, you know, over the past couple of years… It’s about self-reflection, and freedom. It feels very free to me, which is I guess things that I’ve been trying to process… I guess, kinda wrestled with a little over the last couple of years. It’s kinda like, about accepting all of those things.”)

His sadness/whatever emotions and problems he’s been wrestling with have seemingly spanned the course of a few years, and are very personal to him… which is why I feel that releasing Lights Up as the first single sets the tone for the rest of his album centering around his own identity. The line “Lights up and they know who you are, know who you are… Do you know who you are?” poses the question - who is Harry? - and then, “Shine! Step into the light… Shine! So bright sometimes. Shine! I’m not ever going back.” shows us Harry having the strength and bravery to overcome his fears (stepping into the light, although it’s ‘so bright sometimes’ - overwhelming) and reclaim/express his own misunderstood identity.

A lot of people have been trying to tie the In Watermelon Sugar thing back to someone else, but at this point I completely disagree. Not only have we seen him make literary references in the past (the Charles Bukowski reference in Woman), but… given everything that he’s said about Lights Up so far – which was surprisingly a lot – I think that Harry genuinely just took a lot of inspiration from the book because it seemed to hit close to home with his own feelings about self-acceptance and living an authentic life within the public eye. 

I think a lot about the scene we’ve yet to see from the directors cut - a room full of many different iterations of Harry.

“My name depends on you… Just call me whatever is in your mind.” 

Which leads me back to more total conjecture on my end, but I think that when Harry initially set out on tour / kicked off his solo career, he seemed determined to continue performing within the safety of the walls that had been built around him, so to speak. In one of the interviews he did earlier, he talked about tackling his first album from the perspective of ‘bowling with the bumpers up’ - he wanted to play it safe. He didn’t want to veer too far out of his own comfort zone and fuck it all up… and in doing so, he seemed to hold himself back quite a lot. “I wanted to see if people would enjoy an album without knowing everything about me.” 

I think that heading into writing with that mindset explains songs like ‘Complicated Freak’ and ‘Medicine’ being scrapped and excluded from being released on HS1. In retrospect, all of his tour - and especially Medicine - seem a lot like Harry dipping his toes in the water. Being totally presumptuous again, but I find it likely that Harry has had it ingrained in his mind for a long time that he needs to fit certain molds and keep certain narratives alive in order to continue to be successful. And I imagine that this idea is not his own, but instead something that has been hammered into his head over and over from a young age. And I would guess that a lot of anxiety and doubt has stemmed from that - go back and watch that shaky first performance of Medicine and tell me what you think he was likely feeling in that moment. But again, it circles right back to the strength and bravery of doing what he knows needs to be done to expel all of the darkness inside of him - stepping into the light. (“Never going back now / Be so sweet if things just stayed the same.” It’d be so sweet if he could live in that fantasyland forever.)

Anyway. I really don’t think Harry was at all prepared for just how many people would show up to support him in that sense… but his own community just rolled up in droves, bringing a total outpouring of love for him every single night. He had entire arenas lit up in rainbows, people bringing hilarious and heartfelt signs, flags after flags after flags after flags… all in celebration of him and the feelings of safety, strength, and bravery that he has continuously imparted back onto his fans. It was such a queer lovefest that even other artists likened his tour to “pride parades every night.” That’s so unbelievably powerful? I can’t think of any other artist who’s crowds do that for them… not even gay icons like Elton John? I still maintain that one of the most incredible things to have come out of HSLOT was the safe spaces he + his fans created for one another. It meant a lot to us, and it clearly meant a lot to him:

“The tour, that affected me deeply. It really changed me emotionally. Having people come to sing the songs… For me, the tour was the biggest thing in terms of being more accepting of myself, I think. I kept thinking, “Oh, wow. They really want me to be myself. And be out and do it.” That’s the thing I’m most thankful for, of touring. I feel like the fans in the room — it’s this environment where people come to feel like they can be themselves. There’s nothing that makes me feel more myself than to be in this whole room of people. It made me realize people want to see me experiment and have fun. Nobody wants to see you fake it.” 

I think that going on tour, and seeing the reaction and the acceptance of his audience, definitely made him want to take the bumpers down… to ‘be out and do it’ because ‘nobody wants to see him fake it.’ It seemed to help him massively in terms of his own ‘self acceptance and the things he’s been wrestling with’ and to make an incredibly, incredibly long winded answer short, it’s why I STILL do not think that releasing Lights Up on National Coming Out Day was in any way incidental. I think that was a big part of what Harry meant when he said that no one wanted to see him ‘faking’ things.

And… that’s basically it, I think, for now. I’ve just been sitting here nodding along at everything he’s been showing us the last few weeks… Impressed by the direction that he seems to be heading. And taking notes. I’ll go ahead and shut up now because I KNOW it’s still too early to draw definite conclusions on his intent for this new ‘era’ (and this new song could be about choking on literal fucking watermelon seeds for all I know, nothing Harry does ever makes any kind of sense does it), but I can’t help but come to my own conclusions based on what I feel he is sharing with us.

[starrymothwings]

Fate 21, 22, 23

Now because of the very nature of Fate and Fate Grand Order in particular, you can make the arguments that there aren’t a whole lot of crack ships in general? Now if we’re talking about the regular ol’ human and mage characters then that’s one thing and I don’t have any strong opinions on that. Ship what you want as long as it’s not, like, incest or pedophilia.

However if we’re talking servants or ships that involve servants?? Understand I’m going to mostly talk about FGO because that’s the part of the franchise I’m most familiar with, but

One of the most popular ships is literally between the alternate darker versions of Jeanne d’Arc and King Arthur who is also a woman in this.

Now there’s context for this but that doesn’t make that sentence not buck wild, right? Another ship the game teases is between Martha (like, Saint Martha) and Sasaki Kojiro who is technically one of many possible nameless swordsmen who can take up the mantle of Sasaki Kojiro by taking up and mastering his techniques. As far as ships I’ve seen art of, there’s Semiramis and Amakusa, Gilgamesh and Arturia (King Arthur but woman, also this ship is one of divided opinion for very good reason), and even Tesla and Thomas Edison. You know, Tesla and the guy that stole his inventions--oh but let’s not forget that in the Fateverse Thomas Edison is merged with all of the American presidents which for some reason makes him a fucking buff punch wizard with the head of a LION.

I’m rambling, but my point is: by the very nature of Fate, there aren’t a whole lot of characters you can stick together and properly call it a crack ship. It’s one part of the ridiculous that I love about Fate, which is that you don’t have to go out of your way to imagine any number of scenarios between all sorts of colorful characters.

This is....Hard for me to answer. Very hard.

So, the thing is, there aren’t any popular characters I can say that I hate. Either because the popular characters in the Fateverse tend to be popular for more reasons beyond the fact that they’re pretty (The original VN was an eroge, yes, but that was because of marketing. You take out or ignore the eroge scenes and you have a well-written, interesting visual novel) OR it’s because I just simply don’t have enough context for that character.

For the latter, let me use Tamamo and Nero for example. These are two characters that I KNOW are popular. They’re also characters I’m not super fond of--however, that’s possibly because I don’t know them well enough. I’ve played through Fate Grand Order and Fate Extella Link. I’m currently playing through Fate Extra for the first time, but I’m on Archer’s route. I have not played Extella Link or the other two routes in Extra, I have not watched a playthrough of CCC yet, I have not watched Last Encore, I have not read Foxtail, I have not played through Extella. 

That’s a lot of context, story, and character for those two that I haven’t experienced yet. I don’t like Nero’s character in FGO because they try to erase everything she did wrong in life, or just sweep it under the rug. However, I’ve heard that she’s written much better in the game that she debuts in, Fate Extra, and that the loose anime adaptation of it, Last Encore, has something good too.

Tamamo just...Bores me. But! I know even less of her character than Nero. It’s way too soon for me to say whether or not I dislike her when I’m only taking her at face value.

I may not like the two of them for now, but my answer may change once I have all the information.

Again, I can’t say that I there are any popular characters I hate, however...

Robin Hood (pretty sure he’s at least fairly popular) is one character that I do like, but not nearly as much as I’ve seen. I just...Don’t really get the hype? Again, haven’t played through Extella or watched someone play CCC but I HAVE played past his roles in Extra and FGO. Like I like him but I can’t say he’s a favorite of mine, or even near that spot.

Nightingale, however...Nightingale I don’t like. I don’t hate her but I don’t like her either. There were spans of time in the America singularity that I was either bored or annoyed with because of her. Does she make good points and say some dope shit occasionally? Yeah. Most of the rest of her dialogue however felt very very repetitive. Like yes I know that your shtick is that you’re a nurse and you’re here to treat the illness and disease in the singularity and Cu Alter is a prime candidate for treatment because his character as he is in that current iteration is diseased, yes yes yes. But there’s only so many times I can read her talk about illness and disease before it starts to get on my nerve. Yeah she has Madness Enhancement EX, but you know who else does? Saber Gilles. Cu Alter has it too, and they’re both coherent. Also, and more importantly, I fucking hate her pose. The art in her ascensions is fine, but the pose?? I get what it’s supposed to be but it looks so stiff. It’s an insignificant detail but she looks like a balloon person and it’s upsetting.

There are...A few. But I’m gonna talk the most in detail about one of my earliest favorites when I first got into Fate. I just mentioned him, actually.

Saber Gilles. I need to specify the class because his Caster self and Saber self are completely different (well, no? It’s complicated) and Saber is the one that’ll always hold a place in my heart.

Because I have a very soft spot for pious people who are goaded by a darker side and struggle with that darkness. Saber Gilles de Rais is not the infamous Bluebeard. Saber Gilles de Rais is the man that came before Bluebeard, the one who was known for fighting alongside Jeanne d’Arc. Saber Gilles is lawful good while Caster Gilles is Chaotic Evil. At a glance, these two are completely different, but the horrifying (and there’s beauty in that horror) truth is that he’s not. And nobody feels that horror quite like Saber Gilles himself.

Fate Grand Order tells of Gilles’ struggle not through words, but through visuals.

In his first ascension, you have him in his ‘purest’ state. You can literally call him a knight in shining armor. This is the honorable man that fought alongside Jeanne, plain and simple.

Then you have the second ascension, and you can immediately tell he’s been tainted. Something isn’t right. His cloth is bloodied, some of his armor has been stripped away and you can see a bit of a dark cloak resembling what he wore as Bluebeard--having replaced that white cape. In his hand he holds a sword. His armor has become sharper, more detailed. He is still a general, yes, but something in him has changed.

Then, the third ascension. It’s a dramatic change. One thing to note is that when servants ascend, they generally gain something in appearance, but Gilles? Gilles has lost. More than half his armor is gone, and now you can very plainly see that Bluebeard-esque garment underneath. The chestpiece bearing a cross? Gone. Every piece of white cloth? Gone. And in his left hand he holds Prelati’s Book. For context, Prelati is the being that convinced Gilles to give into his darker impulses and that led to Bluebeard, or Caster Gilles. That book is also what Caster Gilles wields. In this third ascension we finally see the man who struggles with and fears what he knows he becomes. 

Again, Saber Gilles is not Caster Gilles, cannot but Caster Gilles, but the two are not so different. Caster Gilles is not an alter of Saber Gilles, after all, but rather the two are the same man at different points in his life. As we ascend him we see him transverse the point between when he is a man with strength in his convictions, to a man fighting an inner conflict and change that is coming but will never come to him. Servants generally don’t change much because they are aspects of heroic spirits, but Saber Gilles has to change.

It’s even reflected in his battle sprites. Notice the change in the third sprite? His smile and optimism: gone.

Then, we get to his final ascension art.

THIS. This is still one of my favorite final ascension arts if not my favorite. I’m pretty sure I can’t say anything about it that I haven’t already said above, so I think it’s okay to let the image speak for itself. It’s so fucking beautiful and telling all on it’s own. The angel and devil over your shoulder imagery. Note how it’s not the side with the angel that’s closer to the viewer, that’s in the foreground. I love everything about this piece and if I could buy this as a big poster to hang up in my room I would do that in a heartbeat.

I just love Saber Gilles so, so much. The way he’s written has me smitten. I know it likely won’t ever happen, but I desperately wish he gets another interlude in the future, or a serious role in an event.

...Okay, so I did want to discuss some others but this post is long enough, so I’ll just say some other unpopular characters I love are Fionn Mac Cumhaill, Amadeus Mozart, Fergus, Yagyu (more underrated than unpopular), CALIGULA, Mephistopheles, PHANTOM, Gilgamesh (NOT unpopular just decisive and one of my big favs so I have to mention him), and Salieri if he counts. Really tried to get a lady in there but I can’t think of any that are unpopular. I’m only thinking of the FGO cast because the roster is already so long.

I wouldn’t mind (read: I would LOVE) if someone asked this question again so I can go into detail about some of my other unpopular favorites. I have more that err on the more popular side too, because my heart is big and full of love. OR just straight up send me an ask, anon or not, because I have a lot to say.

Sorry about the long post and thank you for the questions!!

[nandalorian]

So. I wasn’t going to post about Roswell, but now I am, so buckle up because this is going to be a long one.

A lot of people on Tumblr, Twitter, and the wider internet have, over the last few days, very intelligently posed criticisms of Roswell’s representation of POCs and queer characters in the context of Malex. While I have to be upfront about the fact that the problematic writing has made me apprehensive of seeing the show through to its next season, I’ve been pretty quiet on that front as I gather my thoughts and figure out what I need to say. As a white woman, I am upset and dismayed by the token and tone-deaf representation, but I feel like that’s not mine to speak to when there are a lot of people of colour in this fandom who can and should take this opportunity to explain, criticize, and educate the rest of us on how the show has failed and how it must do better. In that regard the most worthwhile contribution I can make is to listen and amplify those voices and their thoughts, feelings, experiences, and insights about the negative and at best lazy representation of people of colour on the show.

But as a bisexual woman and a professional writer and editor, I am in a position to criticize the queer representation from a political and social standpoint, but also a creative one. I am going to break this post up into two parts because there’s a lot I want to address about two separate issues, and I think the waters will get muddied if I try to combine it into one post. So let’s talk about Malex first, which is the subject about which, oddly enough, I feel the most calm. Depressed af, but mostly calm.

More under the cut.

A lot of people have already written about Malex or Tweeted Carina and the production team far more eloquently than I can manage, but the thing is, while I do have issues I’ll get into in a sec, I... actually think they have done a good job of writing Michael as a bisexual man and Alex as a gay one. That isn’t a popular opinion at the moment, but hear me out, because I have a lot more to say on the subject of bisexuality that doesn’t concern Michael Guerin. The show’s struggle isn’t entirely that their politics are bad. I do think the intentions are mostly good--mostly--but what I want to speak to is the breakdown between intentions and how those intentions translate to the screen through the medium of writing, direction, and the actors’ performances.

I don’t want to dismiss or disregard anyone who feels differently since that view is also totally valid and a lot of people have raised very fine points to that end. This is just my interpretation, so take it with a grain of salt and feel free to disregard or not. But my take is we can’t boil down the show’s issues to saying oh it’s biphobic or homophobic where Michael and Alex are concerned. I don’t think it is, not inherently.

The show’s struggle is that the writing is often so sloppy, rushed, and disjointed that it’s impossible to tell whether they don’t fully understand what positive queer representation is and what it isn’t, or if they just don’t know how to do it justice on TV. Perhaps it’s a combination of both, and right now I’m not writing off either possibility.

But I’m inclined to think it’s the latter. To be clear: the Malex/Maria triangle is shitty writing because love triangles frequently are, and they’re really, really difficult, if not impossible, to get right. The reason I think so many of us are up in arms about it is because the show rushed and stumbled its way through a 30-second supercut of Alex and Michael’s relationship from the word go, just enough to get us hooked before abandoning it for something else.

We’re pissed because it’s like they got us addicted to black tar heroin and then took away our fix just as the night sweats and shaky hands started to kick in, and at this point my life since episode 1x11 has been like a bad Trainspotting withdrawal montage. I don’t think they have intentionally baited us, although that is what it feels like. It’s taken a lot of angst and going back and forth on my part to arrive at this conclusion, and I will say I still waffle about it some days. But bad writing is bad because it pulls unintentionally negative reactions from people due to being misunderstood, or from creating all these wild implications the writers didn’t necessarily intend or realize were present in the final product.

The fact that Carina has to take to Twitter to explain each episode to viewers shows the quality of the writing or lack thereof. If it were stronger, she wouldn’t have to do that, but the show suffers from chronic exposition, incredibly bad pacing, and an overreliance on plot devices to advance the story rather than gradual and necessary character development. Sorry if that’s harsh, but the editor part of my brain sometimes wants to weep during episodes of Roswell. Oftentimes a bunch of shit will happen in an episode that doesn’t even progress the story, leaving us or the characters at exactly the same place they started off.

In short, everything happens too much. The characters feel like they have no agency because they are always reacting to one thing after another every episode, not even a second for them to breathe and be and let us see who they really are when the world isn’t on fire. And that’s all the characters, not just Alex and Michael, although arguably we have a bit more insight into the primary characters like the Pod Squad and Liz. But really, everything suffers as a result. The characters seem thin or underdeveloped and the sense of urgency, tension, and risk disappears even from theoretically high-stakes scenes like a live shooter at a hospital because we don’t get to see who the characters are in their normal lives. We don’t fully know what’s important to them before the next explosion happens.  

Adversity is a helpful writing tool because it can show us who characters are under a certain set of high-pressure circumstances, but boredom and normalcy is just as important for character development. You can’t tear down what we don’t know exists. Star Wars: A New Hope wouldn’t have been half as effective if we hadn’t seen Luke Skywalker in his day-to-day life before that simple life was upended and he got the call to adventure. The first stage of the hero’s journey is necessarily the boring part because we can’t cross from the known to the unknown world without seeing what the known world is.

We never really… get that with Roswell. Not even for a second. So of course we feel cheated of bisexual or gay representation in the show because we never actually get to see Michael and Alex in any kind of sustained relationship, healthy or not. It’s just conflict conflict conflict with a bit of sex and longing gazes thrown in, followed by more conflict and then the relationship ending in favour for a new one. All hat, no cattle. (Literally.)

With Michael we get to see some of his routine and him being himself with his family, etc., and a lot of that has to do with the incredible performances Michael Vlamis delivers week after week, although even then, that suffers. Rather than start us off slow and building relationships from the ground up, the season begins in conflict, so that it has the effect of it seeming like the town of Roswell has been vacant for 10 years and everyone moved back in the same day and started catching up on each other’s lives after a decade apart. You don’t get the sense that anyone really talks to each other, even though most of them have been living in the same place their whole lives. Every single relationship, from Isobel and Michael, Max and Michael, Max and Isobel, even Maria and Michael, could have been strengthened if they’d taken more time to lay that groundwork ahead of the conflict. Especially Maria and Michael! Imagine how much better this season would have worked if they’d had an existing relationship, friendship, or flirtation before Alex got back. By this point we’d be nodding and probably going, “Okay, I get it. I might not like it, but I get it.”

Alex by comparison is a total cypher where his background and his day-to-day life is concerned. We know almost nothing about him outside of his history of abuse, his tragic backstory with Michael, and his role in helping to uncover the mystery about the fourth alien. Yes, we’ve gotten to see that he is blunt and fiercely loyal to his friends, and he has serious issues with needing to be in control, which are all valid from a character development standpoint. I have come to desperately crave any and all scenes with him and Kyle because that seems to be when we get the most significant moments of character insight like that wonderful “I’m talking about a conversation, not a war” moment. But how much else do we know or understand about him that is canon, not fans’ headcanon?

Furthermore, the lack of context and representation around Alex’s disability as a veteran, amputee, and potentially as a PTSD-sufferer is really dangerous and feels like tokenism. The way they’ve written the existence of his injury feels inconsistent, and while showing his residual limb during a love scene was significant, they ruined any goodwill we might have developed toward them for that by simply never engaging with his disability again. Same with the fact that he is of Indigenous heritage, which we know FROM A TWEET but which the show has never actually engaged with explicitly, in a move taken straight from the J.K. Rowling Book of Bogus Representation. We don’t quite have enough information to know yet whether this is tokenism or bad writing, in Alex’s case, although I sincerely hope it isn’t the former. Based on everything I’ve seen so far, though, my hopes aren’t high, because it kind of feels like the writers want credit for representation when they haven’t actually done the legwork (yet?).

Maria suffers a similar lack of character development, and what started off promising when we got great scenes with her, Liz, and Alex and then met Mimi has quickly deteriorated to her being nothing more than Michael’s new love interest. As a woman of colour, that is lazy and shitty on multiple levels, and I just about hit the ceiling in 1x11 when they not only showed a black woman being drugged and her body used against her will--could you be more tone-deaf to those implications?!--but had two white women (Jenna and Isobel) accusing Maria of being a murderer to another WOC (Liz). Maria’s very thin character development in the latter half of the season has had the dual effect of making us feel like we’ve been cheated out of a relationship we have gotten attached to but haven’t been given time to fully appreciate or understand (Malex) and thrust into a new one that feels weak, arbitrary, and rote by comparison.

I actually don’t object to the idea of Michael and Maria as a couple. They have great chemistry. But I do object to the lack of development they’ve given us on either front, either Michael/Maria or doing serious justice to Malex as a ship. To think all of that could’ve been solved if the writers had slowed down the show’s pacing and actually given themselves and the characters time to breathe and get to know each other, and us them.

What I feel a lot of straight/white/cis/able-bodied writers don’t seem to understand is that representation takes care. It’s great to say you’re going to write a diverse show and have lots of representation, but it’s for naught if you don’t also understand that you can’t write diversity in the same way you’d write a character coming from a place of privilege, be it racial, socioeconomic, gender, sexuality, ability, etc. Part of that privilege is having a lot of generally positive understanding and assumptions about those characters already built in, especially from your viewers who share that privilege. Writing diversity takes WORK, a lot of attention to detail, sensitivity, and most of all the ability to listen. It takes a lot of consultation with people who have those experiences and know what they’re talking about, because the experiences, assumptions, and biases of nondiverse writers just can’t fully capture what minorities know and live every day of their lives. To do otherwise is how we arrive at whitesplaining, mansplaining, straightsplaining, etc. If you’re a white/straight/cis/able-bodied person and think you’ve done enough to positively represent your diverse characters, that probably means you need to do more. It’s not for you to judge how much is “enough.” That’s for your consultants and, most importantly, your viewers. And if those people are telling you you’ve missed the mark, the next best thing you can do is stfu and listen to them and try to learn how to do better, not get defensive or start patting yourself on the back for everything else you’ve done.

I think those principles can be applied to all the representation on the show, including that of POCs, the differently abled, and the queer characters. I think the writers have done enough with Michael and Alex as queer characters on their own, but they’ve missed the mark on doing enough with them together. Because--and I know this will come as a shock--part of writing queer characters is also giving us well fleshed-out queer relationships. They started off down that road, but at some point the road abruptly ended and left us as viewers feeling stranded in the middle of a desert. That’s uneven writing that results in a feeling of uneven representation, and as far as viewers are concerned, it amounts to the same thing.

Carina’s attempts to explain why they’ve done nothing wrong to viewers via Twitter and social media is sheer intentional fallacy. And while we’re at it, I’ve spent a lot of this season wanting to take Twitter away from her and throw a copy of “The Death of the Author” at her head instead. It’s not enough, Carina. What you intended isn’t enough if it’s not there on the page or visible to us on the show. As a writer she should understand that, but instead she is getting defensive of her abilities as a screenwriter and showrunner when fans pipe up to say whatever she intended isn’t translating properly. We aren’t seeing that representation, which means the writers need to do more than what they think is “enough.”

Add into that a rushed, arbitrary love triangle with an underdeveloped black female character and an underdeveloped gay POC with a disability, especially when those two characters are also best friends whose relationship is severely threatened as a result, and there’s no wonder why viewers are up in arms about this. I don’t think the love triangle makes Michael seem like an indecisive or promiscuous bisexual--and anyway, since when is being promiscuous a bad thing. It just makes him and Maria seem careless of Alex’s feelings and like Alex is the victim, which they could have avoided by taking their time with the characters/relationships, especially the vulnerable ones, or by avoiding such a lazy and unnecessarily dramatic trope in the first place, or at the very least establishing the characters and their relationships enough that our current situation felt more organic.

So really this kind of leaves us at an impasse, I think, as fans. I think people ought to keep speaking up to Carina if they think that will help, but I think it’s also important for us to be able to separate bad politics from bad writing, or at least be able to engage with them as separate things that occasionally (or frequently) overlap with disastrous consequences. I’m sure there are a lot of people who will disagree with this utterly, and that’s fine. Could be I’m totally wrong, and I am aware that I’m probably giving the writers too much credit about what they may or may not have intended.

But with regards to Alex and Michael, maybe it will help to understand what’s happening from this standpoint and tailor our approach accordingly. We really can’t take it upon ourselves to make demands upon the show in terms of what story they want to tell, but we can certainly complain when they aren’t telling that story effectively or when it alienates viewers, especially on points of diversity and representation.

But I don’t know. It could be the only way to make ourselves heard, to tell the writers when they are and aren’t doing “enough,” is to vote with our time, attention, and viewership, whether that means continuing to watch the show or stopping altogether. And that’s kind of a bummer, because there was a lot of potential. But if the quality of the storytelling is unable to make heard the voices and experiences it ought to, especially with such a receptive, enthusiastic audience, then maybe it’s time we start looking for other shows that do a better job, or better yet, continue to keep telling and creating our own.

Those are just my thoughts. Please feel free to discuss with me in the comments or via DM, because I’m still talking through this stuff and welcome the conversation and any alternate or opposing viewpoints.

I’ll be back in a bit to share a second post with my far less forgiving thoughts about Roswell’s representation of queer female sexuality, because that one’s a doozy and the gloves come off. Sorry not sorry in advance.

[such-fun]

Fic: You Should See Me In A Crown (Michael Langdon x Reader) Part Two.

You Should See Me In A Crown

Fandom: American Horror Story

Pairing: Michael Langdon x Reader

Summary: You can see the future, but you didn’t see this coming.

Notes: In this story, Queenie never got trapped in the Cortez.

Tags: @sweetcredence

2: 

You stared at Cordelia, willing her to wake up.

 The warlocks had gathered around her prone body after the Supreme fainted rather dramatically. Not that she didn’t have good reason to; it wasn’t every day a dead student came strolling back into your lives.

 And Michael—that was his name, Michael Langdon. He looked so…pleased.

 John Henry helped carry Cordelia back inside. For a moment in the elevator everyone stood silent.

 “How?”

 “I wanted to get your attention,” Michael stated boldly when Myrtle finally managed to find the words.

 He succeeded.

 The men had left you all to your reunion, unable to hide their enthusiasm at Michael’s display of power. Only John Henry showed some reservation. The others were too consumed by the very thought that the Alpha had arisen. That true power was nearly in their grasp.

 You let out a sharp breath of relief when you saw Cordelia’s eyes begin to flutter. Myrtle continued to stroke her hair as Zoe hovered nervously and Madison stared impatiently.

 Cordelia came awake with a gasp and upon seeing Madison she murmured, “It wasn’t a dream.”

 Before any of you could react, she stood, pulling Madison into a tight hug.

 “Maybe you forgot,” Madison croaked, “I’m not much of a hugger.”

 “You’re alive,” Cordelia whispered, voice watery from unshed tears.

 She pulled back, stroking the young girl’s face reverently.

 “The boy,” Cordelia began, causing you to tense and Myrtle to grimace.

 “He is with those presumptuous charlatans,” Myrtle sniffed.

 “I need to see him,” she declared, much to the redhead’s dismay.

 “Cordelia—”

 “I had a vision,” she stopped all of your protests.

 Her eyes fell on you and your breath came quick and shaky.

 “For months our sister has dreamt of our destruction,” she revealed as Zoe turned to you in concern. “And now I have seen it myself. It is no dream.” Cordelia looked to Myrtle, “I must see the boy.”

 “So be it,” Myrtle said in resignation. “To the lion’s den,” she murmured as she took Madison’s arm, then Zoe’s, and led them out of the study.

 “Cordelia—,” you stopped the blonde with a hand on her elbow. She gazed down at you sympathetically.

 “I’m sorry,” she offered graciously, “I should have known. The Sight would not be so fickle as to bend to imagination. He is real—the white-faced demon.”

 You swallowed nervously.

 “You saw him too?” You gnawed on your bottom lip fearfully.

 “I saw him gleefully destroy us all,” she admitted, eyes glazed as she mentally revisited the scene in her mind.

 “I will not see you girls hurt,” Cordelia was resolved as she gripped your arms reassuringly.

 “My inaction has kept us on this path,” the guilt clear in her voice. “But I am not my mother. I will not allow my own selfishness get in the way of your safety.

 “I…I am losing strength,” she confessed, and it felt like a physical blow to your stomach. “The Sight…I am not enough to stop what’s coming. I know that now. But if there’s a chance, if Ariel is right, if Michael is the new Supreme—”

 “No,” you interrupted her sharply. “Michael, he can’t—he’s not the one to lead us. He’s not you. I, when I saw him just now,” your babbling got Cordelia’s attention and her hands rubbed soothingly up and down your arms to calm you.

 “I felt,” you struggled to put your feelings into words. “Something inside me is drawn to him. My power—everything, it reacts to him. Like there is something inside me, demanding to be heard. It’s not right, it’s not—natural,” you pled.

 Cordelia smiled sadly, leaning forward and resting her forehead against yours. “That kind of response,” she considered solemnly, “it is wholly natural but unbelievably rare. Oh my girls,” she crooned sweetly, “you all have so much to learn.”

 You were all confusion as she took a small step back.

 “There are times when two souls are bound so tightly together that they recognize each other before our selves do. Michael is…extraordinarily gifted. And you,” she confided, “your power is growing every day. Your visions are more powerful than my own. It is possible that you are—connected.”

 Cordelia frowned, “I haven’t experienced anything like you describe. I don’t know if I’d even wish to. People think of it as Soulmates. Such a trite word. But feelings are just that—feelings. You need never act upon them.

 “You will see,” she grinned in determination, “we will not simply succumb to fate. Our destiny is ours to create. You’ve seen it, so have I, what fate has in store for our coven. I will see that it never comes to pass.

 “Whatever your connection to Michael, you are free to make your own decisions. As am I.” Cordelia’s smile faded as she forced herself to stand tall, her gaze shifting to the closed door and the men waiting beyond it.

 The Supreme strode past you, not looking for a moment as if her power was fading, and you found yourself following in her shadow. You only hoped to portray a mere hint of the confidence that she exuded.

  You rejoined the members of your coven who looked rather dour in the face of the smug faces of the warlocks.

 Michael stood beside Ariel, appearing deceptively innocent and far too happy with himself.

 His eyes flicked to you but you kept yours locked on Cordelia. Whatever this supposed connection was, Cordelia has assured you it was entirely your decision whether or not to acknowledge it. And in this moment, as your Supreme stood weakened and the end drew near, the last thing you cared to think about was some cosmic link to a mysterious boy.

 Eventually Michael gave up, turning his attention to her as well.

 She gifted him with a genuine smile and he practically preened.

 “I want to thank you for bringing her back.” Ariel patted Michael on the back, all the while wearing a shit-eating grin. Michael ducked his head in appreciation.

 “I’ve been presented with something,” she continued, “A vision.”

 Her hand reached out blindly, finding Zoe’s and holding it tight.

 “I believe I saw the future. A terrifying future.” Michael remained stoic at such a revelation, but John Henry fidgeted anxiously. “Cataclysm. Fire. Death. I saw a man, but not a man. A white face. Demonic. He was laughing. Our academy, sisters, I saw it reduced to cinders.”

 Myrtle looked ill at the thought.

 “A warning.” Cordelia closed her eyes for a moment, steeling herself. “But something in my blood is telling me that the only hope we have of surviving depends on what I do next.”

 Michael perked up, and you watched closely as his muscles bunched slightly in anticipation.

 “In two weeks time, at the rise of the Blood Moon, you will take the test of the Seven Wonders.”

 The shouting was instantaneous, from both sides.

 Ariel, Baldwin, and Behold were unable to hide their elation. Michael appeared studiously humble. Myrtle, on the other hand, was furious.

 “Cordelia, this isn’t done!” she cried, but the Supreme merely shook her head.

 “I’ve made up my mind.”

 And that was that. There was no swaying her. It was shortly after that you left Hawthorne’s, and the rather intense gaze of Michael Langdon.

 Myrtle tried her best to reason with Cordelia on the car ride to the airport, on the plane, even as you all walked into the house in Louisiana. But there was no changing course.

 Cordelia was determined to alter the course of the future. You hoped she was doing the right thing. Still, you dreaded the thought of sleep that night and what things you might see.

 But Cordelia was the Supreme, you tried to comfort yourself, and it didn’t do well to dwell on dreams.

   As the girls settled into bed, night had only just begun in California.

 It wasn’t difficult for Michael to sneak out of Hawthorne’s. His teachers were too busy congratulating themselves on their supposed victory over Cordelia Goode to even notice he was gone.

 John Henry and his determination to find proof of Michael’s nefarious intentions was only a minor bump in the road. And one that had hopefully been handled.

 Looking off into the tree line, he beamed when he saw her waiting in the shadows. He took off running, letting out a delighted giggle when she was finally close enough to pull into a big hug.

 “Oh, my dear boy,” Miriam Mead cooed as she smothered him in a motherly embrace.

 “Oh! Oh, look at you. You're skin and bones,” she tsked, standing back to take in the sight of him. “You're wasting away. Don't these people feed you?”

 “I'm fine,” Michael assured her, basking in her presence before his mood shifted. “Just tell me you took care of the problem.”

 “The problem,” she smirked, “is now a stack of overcooked country barbecue. They can bury him in a shoebox.”

 “Good,” he was relieved. John Henry was a potential roadblock that had needed to be dealt with. She was the only person he truly had faith in to accomplish the task. “These people are the only ones who could pose a threat to me. Once I become Supreme, I can destroy them from within, eliminate their whole fucking coven. Then the road will be clear for me to do what I was born to do.”

 “So stop worrying,” Mead chided. “Look how easy it was for you to win their trust, to get into their school. They may be wizards, but they're not exactly wizzes. Everything is going beautifully.”

 “I still have to pass the Seven Wonders,” he reminded her, and she rolled her eyes. He envied the faith she had in him. There were days when doubt plagued him, but Ms. Mead was relentlessly optimistic. In her eyes, he could do no wrong.

 “You will own the Seven Wonders, and then all of their covens, and then the world.” Michael smiled from ear to ear at her unwavering certainty.

 His mind strayed for a moment and then he graced her with a thoroughly pleased half smile.

 “I saw her today,” he mused. “With the other witches. She wanted to come to me, I could feel it, but she fought the instinct.”

 Miriam clapped her hands in delight. “Give it time,” she reminded him. “She’s spent too much time with that Supreme of hers. She doesn’t know her place. At your side,” she declared proudly, smoothing down the collar of his shirt. It was only a matter of time until he found her. The one who would help him usher in a new age and a new world made in his father’s image. The girl didn’t know how special she was, the honor that had been bestowed on her. But it was only a matter of time. Michael would become Supreme and all would fall into place.

 “What would I do without you?” he sighed contentedly, wishing he shared her complete conviction.

 Mead pinched his cheek teasingly, the happiest she had ever been. “Now that’s something you’ll never have to worry about.”

[mellz117]

Mellz plays KH Re:Com on PS2, Reverse/Rebirth (Riku’s campaign) Part 2

Yeah I hate Larxene. She’s mean for the sake of being mean, she has no redeeming qualities. Xemnas at least has a goal, Larxene is just an asshole just to be so. She reminds me of Agent South from Red vs Blue, whom I also can’t stand lmao.

Now that THAT’S out of the way....

Check out part 1 of Riku’s campaign if you’re joining me for the first time! Also linked there is the beginning of my time with Sora’s part of the game. Otherwise, let’s continue.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Snibbs shout out to you for warning me about Wonderland. LETS GO THERE RIGHT NOW!

Ok I think I know that you meant. I have like 20 cards but only 9 show up in battle.

Oh wow ok. I only ever have 9 cards to work with in Wonderland which sucks against the boss. So I died.

I'm getting so mad right now. I died 4 times. Ok. After reaching the next floor a cut scene plays and Lexaeus tells Zexion that Vexen is dead, which he already knew because "his scent is gone". Some convoluted bullshit gets talked about, if the hero of light loses his path the Organization might find use for the hero of darkness. If the hero of light goes astray YOU STILL HAVE ROXAS.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

So I'm at the Olympus Colosseum and after a while I started wondering out loud

"Can Dark Firaga heal Hades?"

And my sister, who's been eating Ferrero Rocher says "Dark Ferrero?"

Thanks, Rose. Do they make Ferrero Rocher with dark chocolate? I kinda want that.

I do not struggle with Hades at all. Ever. Especially when I don’t have a stupid DUCK casting fire spells.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

When we finish the Colosseum Riku meets Lexaeus, who's already got his tomahawk out. He's ready to kick ass and take names. Nobody here has any time to stop and smell the white, ceramic roses do they?

He calls Riku an infantile coward (a wussy baby) and battle ensues.

Oh ho-ho on battle attempt number 5 we both had one hit left in our HP bars. Guess who won!

NOT ME!

Death count with Lexaeus was 6 after a bunch of grinding. My card count wasn't a problem it was my HP.

Jesus christ, Lex. Hes 15, give him a break. No, not shatter his back on the ceiling...

Well now you done it. Ansem took over and kicked your ass for Riku.

Rose: "Sorry, Ansem, I don't think you're his type"

Please stop talking. Seriously. Someone call the feds omfg

Zexion laments Lexaeus’s defeat. He sounds so sad about it. Were they close?This melancholy mood is quickly shoved aside when Axel appears. They both casually discuss who of the remaining Org13 members in this castle is gonna die next. Zexion leaves to confront Riku himself.

It doesn’t take long before Marluxia's dead, which is enough power to SHAKE THE WHOLE CASTLE and Zexion shows himself to Riku. "Sora's destiny is to fight the darkness, including you, Riku". he says and peaces out until we get the Destiny Islands.

Poor Riku, constantly being bombarded with reminders of his mistakes. These bad guys REALLY like to give him a hard time. LET HIM LEARN WITHOUT HURTING HE’S TRYING HIS BEST.

The Darkside is also a super easy boss. Especially at this point in the game. It's like a bull against a mouse, and the mouse wins. The mcguffin card showed up at the end when it wasn't necessary but I used it anyway.

There’s a door. Oh I get a choice? I don't remember that door. I always just went up to "Sora". What happens if I pick the door?

God damn imagine how BEYTRAYED Riku feels, thinking Sora has turned against him. Hm, well Sora sure knows how it feels now Riku does too!

He looks so sad...

A figment of Kairi appears before Riku. “There is no power than can defeat you” she says. So Riku is OP? She means like, one nor the other has to be his downfall. She tells him the darkness will make him stronger but that’s what ANSEM has been telling him this whole time. And Riku just believes this illusion of Kairi… why? She’s parroting Ansem and Riku’s like “...Yeah that sounds legit”

……………………………………………………………………………………………

What does darkness smell like? Like a damp towel? Stale potatoes?

Battle ensues. So I didn't realize Zexion was stealing my cards to use against me. So what a surprise when I paused to do something and he's got Soul Eater in hand!

Upon exiting the Destiny Islands a cutscene in the darkroom plays. Zexion is scared half to death by Repliku before he realizes Axel is there too. Oh how short that wave of relief lasts... Axel manipulates Repliku and has him kill Zexion. Axel is a bastard. How would killing Zexion help Repliku? What does he know too much of? Isn't he still loyal to Xemnas? Or did he defect like Marluxia and was considered a traitor? Is AXEL even still loyal to the Organization at this point?

Poor Zexion.

The disembodied voice of Ansem Seeker of Darkness calls out to Riku. "Who's there?!" Riku asks, totally forgetting the fact he has seen this man talk with this voice. Canonically it's the same voice. It may be different to the audience but in canon it's the same!

Mickey is at full opacity.

I really like seeing this side of Riku, more silly and cute.

Riku just really needs a hug.

Riku is just completely overcome with relief and his legs give out on him. He’s not alone anymore. When did they get the time to bond between the end of KH1 and CoM?

I'm reading this aloud and Rose says, when I'm done. "No, no, you have to do the voice”

Ok so I went back and reloaded the save before the Darkside fight and the door just leads you to the previous room in case you want to save. Now with that over with, we go to Twilight Town

……………………………………………………………………………………………

DiZ tries to be all "ooh Im evil, I’m Ansem, be very afraid Riku". They battle pose and nothing happens for a too long an awkward moment of time and Riku sees right through this farce.

"You're not the true Ansem" ACTUALLY HE LITERALLY IS THE TRUE ANSEM THE ANSEM YOU KNOW IS TERRANORT’S HEARTLESS LMAO. Look if any of you reading this don’t know Diz and Ansem the Wise (not seeker of darkness) are the same person, what are you doing here?

Oh look it's that ho. I know I keep dragging Repliku but I'm just remembering his death scene and I'm really sad again. I honestly feel so bad for him. He needs a hug. He's super distressed and it's just so heartbreaking. Help!

“Your own darkness doesn’t scare you anymore”

“How can you tell?”

How many of you have played Sonic Adventure 2?

Repliku’s feelings of existentialism hurt me. 

I stop feeling bad for him with every death I face

I was grinding for level ups and this happened

I’m barely within its despawn range lmao

……………………………………………………………………………………………

I did it! I don't know how but I beat Repliku! Guess a lot of dueling is the technique? Because I ended up doing that a bunch.

So Repliku is dying. I gave him a lot of crap and drug him through the dirt but the fate of Repliku is a heartbreaking one. He's just laying there and accepts his fate. HE DIED SO YOUNG.

I’m suddenly reminded of this omg

Let’s get back on track.

What DOES happen if a replica dies? Riku ponders as well, perhaps they go to the same place as a normal person. THIS SCENE MAKES ME SO SAD [video]

After all this anger and drama I'm glad that Riku feels pity the replica. He's not heartless. We now enter the mansion and into the... Basement? Is the pod room in the mansion’s basement?

Omg shes so cute.

She shows Riku the pod Sora’s in and Riku's wigging out, thinking Namine's done something wrong with him. Riku, you’re scaring her!

She explains what he's doing there and offers to use her power to make Riku forget the darkness. Riku is concerned he could forget his loved ones as a result. 

Riku is king of sass

God damn I love this kid. Little shitlet half the time but I love him. My son. My boy. That stupid finger waggle

DIZ! YOU'RE 3 FEET I FRONT OF RIKU. JUST HAAAANNND HIM THE CARD LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING. THIS AIN’T YU-GI-OH!

GEE I WONDER! Think back what, 10 years ago? Is that when BbS took place?

Riku is ready once and for all to fight Ansem and tells Mickey to stay behind because there’s no point in fighting him if Riku can’t win with his own power.

He’s like “Hey do me a solid? if I don't defeat Ansem, just kill me.” 

Riku-interrupting Mouse interrupts him “Sure I’ll save you if that happens”

“No, no. If I lose, DESTR-”

-”Nope!”

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Here’s [part 3] of Reverse/Rebirth, as well as my final thoughts.

[lightsandlostbells]

Skam France season 3, episode 5 reaction

The opening clip gave me flashbacks to this SNL Totino’s commercial, another classic of gay cinema, so I FULLY expect to see some hot pizza roll action later this season. 

Episode 5

Clip 1 - Still no yellow curtains???

Dramatic music. Lucas and Eliott are passionately kissing. The camera swoops over parts of their bodies. Eliott is smiley, Lucas gets in a kiss to Eliott’s nose. The level of intimacy is very strong, that shot of their legs tangled together is nice. I think it’s great that they didn’t back down from the kissing and physical contact in this scene; it’s not that it needs to be very explicit, just respectful and on par to what they’d give for a het couple, and they filmed Lucas and Eliott about the same as they did Charles and Manon last season. Skam was so good in how it depicted intimacy between Isak and Even; I consider it one of the defining features of S3, setting it above other gay romances in media for its lack of skittishness and double standards, and it’s been a consistent concern of mine that the remakes will be a step back in that regard. This clip was definitely reassuring. 

Eliott asks Lucas if he’s his first guy, and Lucas just snorts so Eliott takes that as a yes. Lucas asks the same question and Eliott replies with this Even-worthy eyebrow raise, so Lucas is like, oh, I see! They laugh. So I that wasn’t an actual answer, lol? But I took it as Eliott having some experience with dudes. Could be a variety of things from kissing a boy to hooking up with one to a full-fledged relationship with a guy. Or the Mikael incident, if they include that in S4. They’ve apparently changed a huge amount, but that’s actually one detail that doesn’t need to be changed the way the bus storyline has to be, for instance.

We get some whispery voiceover as Eliott asks Lucas what he thought of him when he saw him the first time in the common room. We cut to them lying shirtless, so this is later in the day, after things got more heated. The lighting is very warm and golden, it’s a very romantic staging. Like there might as well be white curtains billowing in the breeze. (The curtains are white, but not billowy.)

Eliott volunteers that the first time he saw Lucas wasn’t in the common room, but on his first day in the corridor. Basically he describes the trailer to Lucas. Lucas didn’t see him but he was all Eliott saw. So that revelation happened fast. Not a surprise to anyone who saw the trailer (or you know, saw OG Skam) but it cuts out some of the mystery for Lucas - like Isak was doubting Even’s interest through much of the season, especially in this episode and afterwards, and when Sonja said the relationship was fake. Isak was so taken aback by Even revealing it in the last episode in part because he (and the audience) had doubted it so often. But Lucas has this reassurance from Eliott right from the beginning. Lucas just has so much more to go off from Eliott at this point: Eliott is more upfront telling Lucas how great he is, Eliott has said he wants to break up with Lucille and have a relationship with someone else who’s not necessarily a girl, Eliott didn’t choose plans with Lucille over a day with Lucas, Eliott told Lucas he wanted the double date to be just the two of them. Even when Eliott disappeared for a few days, he followed it up by apologizing to Lucas and saying he was sick. And that’s nice for Lucas, that he’s not doubting himself as much, but I have to wonder how this will affect the story? Or their relationship trajectory? When Eliott cuts off their relationship, it will come out of nowhere even more than in Skam. 

Lucas whispers about what Eliott would have done if he didn’t go to the common room, or Lucas came to the bus earlier or later, as they lay there in their underwear with Eliott on his back, in between lots of kissing. The camera keeps cutting back and forth between kissing and talking, different angles, lots of pans, etc.

Eliott saying that he imagines two paths when he has a choice to make, but it drives him mad when he doesn’t know the outcome of the one he doesn’t take. So Lucas brings up parallel universes. (Piano music starts playing at this point, which seems to happen at significant Lucas/Eliott turning points, like the first time Lucas saw Eliott, or when Lucas played piano for Eliott. Like in OG, this conversation might have a huge effect on Eliott and how he sees himself and their relationship.) When Lucas makes a choice, there are all these other Lucases making other choices, like he’s surfing in Bali or in he’s in a NYC skyscraper signing a deal. I don’t know if these are things Lucas actually would like to experience in his life, or of they’re just examples of things that are so far and distant from his present reality, fun fantasies. 

Eliott asks if maybe New York businessman Lucas didn’t jump off the building because he burned out. Lucas says that’s awful, Eliott asks if he’s ever thought about it? That’s good foreshadowing, a good hint as to Eliott’s state of mind.

Eliott says he doesn’t believe in parallel universes, though he doesn’t explain why (like Even say it made him feel lonely). Lucas says there are Lucases and Eliotts in other universes who are together right now. Lucille calls and Eliott groans, then says Eliott #425 can go talk to her, heh. Lucas #1 is very happy with that decision. They lie on each other and it blurs as the clip ends, as they fall asleep.

This is one of those clips that I completely get why people would love it, it’s very apparent, and I don’t think it’s bad, not at all, but at the same time it’s just personally not my thing. I’m sorry! Again, I understand why this clip blew up. It’s just ... similar to how I feel about cupcakes. People love cupcakes. I love some cupcakes! But I don’t care for a lot of cupcakes, like the really fancy ones with tons of frosting, because most frosting is too sugary for me. Do I get why people like the cupcakes with mountains of frosting, though? Or why people prefer the frosting to the cake itself? Absolutely. 

Most of my issue is with the editing. There had so many cuts and jumps and I don’t think it served the mood or purpose of this clip. Actually, I found it really distracting. I could never just relax into the moment because of how the camera was spinning and panning and cutting between different points in time, something that has been done in various scenes in Skam and the remakes, but not usually with weighty dialogue happening at the same time? I found it hard to focus on what they were saying. 

On that note, I don’t think the way it was shot was the best way to demonstrate to their chemistry. I think they have quite good chemistry! But there was so much moving around and cutting between moments that it began to feel like a series of poses rather than two actors working off each other, if that makes sense. 

It just felt a bit too much like this clip was a perfume ad, lol. It’s very heavy and sensual and romantic, and it’s beautiful, but it’s not what I prefer from the Skam universe. It takes away some of the rawness and vulnerability of this kid’s coming out story - something that they’re still integrating into the show by keeping many of Isak’s struggles in Lucas - and makes it more full throttle OTT mature romance. Like - this feels like a romance between adults, not teenagers, and I don’t mean because of the level of intimacy/shirtlessness, more like the level of confidence, the way it doesn’t feel like they’re figuring things out, but that this is familiar territory (and for Lucas at least, it is not). And well, another some of that is because the actors are adults, too. 

There’s some more stuff I can say but again, it’s just not my style for this material. In other contexts I would eat up this hardcore French romanticism, lol.

Clip 2 - Guess Who(’s not staying for dinner)

Lucas wakes up alone at 14:34 on Saturday. It’s later that day, so what’s his excuse for missing Basile’s party? Eliott is not actually there to keep him occupied. Is he just going to lay in bed and smell Eliott’s pillow or something? I realize he’s distracted but isn’t he going to be receiving texts from the guys?

Eliott left him a note on the pillow. It’s a hedgehog in bed, but when you open the note it’s a raccoon and a hedgehog in bed together with a little heart. AWWWW. That’s so cute. It’s so cute I won’t make any interspecies erotica jokes. The note says “Eliott number 3546 is a lucky guy” and that Lucas is handsome when he’s sleeping. Lucas looks bummed, though. I mean, I would be if I went to bed sleeping beside someone who looked like that and I woke up alone.

Lucas goes into the kitchen where everyone else is. Manon has been up early cooking, because she slept on the couch and got woken up by the neighbors. Lucas is like, oh sorry, forgot I’m not in my room anymore. WHY ARE YOU APOLOGIZING, IT’S YOUR ROOM. SHE HAS NEVER LIVED IN IT. (Also, I don’t think she meant anything by it, but her mentioning that she woke up early hearing the noise from the couch comes across as oddly passive-aggressive.)

But Manon is OK with it, because Lucas needed his room more! Eliott seemed super cool! UMMMM this is kinda weird. I know Eskild said the same thing but the situation seemed less pointed, like Manon’s borderline suggesting I know you needed the bed more than I did, Lucas, because of all the gay sex you were having last night.

The roommates all met Eliott when he left and Lucas covers by saying he’s a good friend who got too drunk so Lucas offered him a place to sleep. Manon is all “OK!” in a way that is too casual to be truly casual, if you know what I mean. Lucas gets on the defensive and says what, we can’t bring friends over here now? Now Manon is all, “OK...” in a way that says calm down, dude.

Mika eyes Lucas as he leaves. I don’t think they’ve really built that relationship in a substantial way, but at least they added that brief glimpse to show that Mika has Lucas on his mind?

Clip 3 - Cake!

Lucas and Manon walk into school, Lucas carrying baked goods made by Manon. Manon gets a call from Charles and ignores it. There needs to be a substantial Lucas and Manon heart-to-heart at some point. They’ve set up too much between them - I feel like their dynamic is more developed than Lucas and Mika, or Lucas and Yann this season.

The girl squad + Lucas sit around and eat cake. Well, the girls eat cake, Lucas is sitting back in his seat with his arms crossed. I know you are thinking about Eliott, dude, but there’s this thing people do called “eating our feelings” that works ... not very well in the long-term, but provides short-lived distraction and satisfaction. I recommend it!

There’s a mattress in the common room now and Manon asks, “Don’t you stop napping after kindergarten?” and I like Manon fine but she must have put some crack in that cake. Lmao, what human being is going to be like NAPS??? AN ABSURD TRADITION MEANT FOR TODDLERS. Like when you’re a little kid, you don’t want to nap, you want to run around and keep being an asshole; it’s when you grow up and become miserable that you start to appreciate the art of shutting your eyes in the middle of the day. Anyway, Daphne said the headmaster gave the students the right to nap in the common room. You know, that is a legit quality use for the common room, tbh. Everyone would use the nap room.

The downside is, as Lucas accurately points out, people are going to bang on that mattress. Well, I guess they could like … require the door to the room to be open at all time or something. Or put up a giant sign saying THERE ARE SECURITY CAMERAS IN THIS ROOM AT ALL TIMES. They don’t need to install security cameras for real, just use the sign to dissuade people. (Who am I kidding, none of that will stop the students from banging on that mattress.) Daphne is incensed at the notion, but Imane’s like, hookup-land is what’s gonna bring people here. LMAO. Again, not wrong.

They talk about the ugly mural some more (God I still do not get why everyone treats that mural like it’s a nude painting of one of the orcs from Lord of the Rings, it’s just a somewhat outdated mural, my eyes would glaze right over it). Lucas says he’s waiting for Eliott about the mural and Manon does a little “mhm” so he hurriedly changes the subject (good subtle detail). 

They discuss getting WiFi in the room and one of the nerd dudes who showed up to the first meeting, who has been sitting in the corner, starts talking about how they can get set up WiFi. The nerd dudes have the password. Everyone is happy! But nerd dude says he would like compensation. Daphne assumes they are talking about her breasts as she is showing ample cleavage. Nerd dude says no, they were talking about the cakes. LMAO. I like this guy. Manon hands over a cake, the other girls are sad at the loss of cake. Understandable, but it seems like a fair trade to me. Also, there are multiple cakes and baked goods on that table, just scarf it down before the nerds come back for more.

Manon signs off with, “Bye, bitches!” The others talk about how weird she’s being. Well, yeah, but I’m wondering how her Charles-related sadness translates into her saying, “Bye, bitches!” Trying to put on a super happy and lighthearted facade? Would go along with all the baking.

This scene is cute and all, and I assume there will be relevance to something in the plot later on but ... what does it have to do with Lucas’ story or his POV? Other than a brief look at his closed-off body language (which didn’t last long since he was very engaged in the conversation) and a brief mention of Eliott and the mural, something that has happened before? There just didn’t feel like a point to his story in this clip, whereas every scene in Skam S3 felt like it had a point to Isak’s POV and advanced his storyline, telling us something about his mental and emotional state. I know that the other seasons of Skam didn’t have such a narrow focus, but usually there was some tie-in to what the protagonist was feeling. IDK, is this to foreshadow him and Eliott fucking on the couch? More hinting at Manon being off her game and having Charles problems? My guess is that they felt like they needed a girl squad scene sometime this week. If they had unlimited time for these episodes, I wouldn’t care if they had clips like this, but they do have a time limit, and so I think it’s fair to question if they’re making the best use of it.

Daphne is by no means required to have a boyfriend, I still root for lesbian Daphne at the end of the day, but that nerd dude who asked for cake instead of cleavage is already a better option than Basile.

Clip 4 - Lucas out of the loop

Lucas waits for Eliott outside of class, but instead it’s his bro Raptor Alex who exits. Lucas asks if the guy in his class is there. You know, the guy. Clearly the only guy who matters in Alex’s class.

Alex says Eliott isn’t there much, he freaked out in class the other day and doesn’t go anymore. Oh no :( I wonder what he means by “freaked out” though, like hopefully people weren’t gossiping about whatever happened? It didn’t make its way to Lucas, in that case.

The boy squad comes around the corner. Lucas completely phones it in when he apologizes to Basile. Not that I care about hurting Basile’s feelings, as my opinion of him is well-documented, but Lucas does, and he’s not even trying to sound sorry. And the family excuse is lazy and not believable at all, like with Isak it was also predictable but he put a smidge of effort into it. Lucas says the excuse like he’s on auto-pilot. The boys just let the excuse roll by, uninterested.

Lucas asks what happened at the party and Arthur says Basile went into the bathroom with Daphne and he won’t tell them what happened. Basile say she stayed on her knees in front of him for a long time. Which I take to mean she was barfing and Basile was holding her hair back. Also her hair smelled good according to him. SIGH. I’m sure this is the start of Basile/Daphne or whatever, but you know, it would be easier for me to buy that Basile is really a good guy if he did not describe Daphne in such an objectifying way. If you’re a fucking gentleman, why are you making it sound like she sucked your dick? I know toxic masculinity, ~it’s realistic, blah blah. They could’ve had Yann and Arthur make the crude jokes and Basile get serious and tell them not to talk about Daphne that way, it would’ve been character development. (Actually, now I’m wondering if there will be a moment like that later in the season. I can’t support Basile/Daphne at all at this point, but I feel like if they want to make him worthy of her in the slightest, he’s going to have to renounce his sleazy, perverted shtick very clearly.)

Lucas looks back after the boys as they leave him behind, not interested in telling him more, barely caring about his absence. He’s just not part of the gang right now. IDK, I think they should’ve directed Axel to play this more remorsefully - not his fault, I feel like they rushed this scene for time reasons? For instance when he sees the boys and apologizes to Basile, there wasn’t time for anything to land, like he didn’t care much, not even that he was disappointed in himself for forgetting. Just this look from Lucas at the end signals what he might be feeling.

Also, very weird choice to put this clip on Tuesday and the one with the girls on Monday? It makes way more sense to switch the two, because basically Lucas must not have interacted with his friends at all yesterday. Even though we’ve seen he has a class with Arthur and we’ve gotten a clip of that class on a Monday (although I don’t know how French class schedules work). 

Clip 5 - Argh

When I started to watch this clip, I noticed it was 2 minutes and 43 seconds long and was like … are you kidding me? If this is the scene, we’re going to just fly through it? What in the fresh hell?

For comparison, the OG clip was 4 minutes and 36 seconds. And it didn’t have the end credits as this scene does, and it didn’t have this opening part with Lucas and Imane (or Isak and Sana).

Without the credits, this clip goes to 2:22. Eliott and Lucas meet outside starting at :55. Meaning there was about a minute and a half for the conversation that defines that second half of the season. Yikes.

Lucas and Imane are in class, I think they’re taking a test. She helps him out when he forgets something. There’s a lot on his mind and he’s not doing the best he can, I guess. Anyway, thoughtful of Imane to help him cheat (if this is a test)? 

He gets a text from Eliott - is this a test or not? It’s not terribly important but LMAO at this teacher who (correctly) notices two of her students passing drugs under the table before class, but fails to notice the same two talking during an exam and one of them whipping out his phone during a silent class period. Cheating must not be a main concern of hers. Eliott is waiting outside the room, grinning at him through the window. So we have students talking to each other, looking at their phones, and non-verbally communicating with other students through the window. Now I’m really surprised that the teacher noticed the weed.

Lucas gets up to meet Eliott outside. Lol, really, dude? He’s going to get a bad grade just because he can’t wait a few minutes. I mean, the desperation is funny, but Lucas is not the brightest here.

Although I laughed a lot when Imane said he wasn’t done and Lucas was like, “Minimalism, Imane. Minimalism.” That might be the best line he’s had on this show.

Imane seems concerned but I’m not sure if she suspects anything’s up with him or if she’s just like how did I get partnered with such a dumbass.

So this clip was ... not good. Bad. It was bad.

This is the kind of content I feared we would be getting from Skam France based on the first two seasons. Luckily it’s been better than this on average, I really do think the show has improved! But not here. It’s such an important scene that I’m disappointed this is the one they bungled. There are multiple things that are ill-advised or underwhelming about it.

I’m aware that I can be harsh/nitpicky/critical about these remakes, but I really don’t intend to come from a place of default negativity, or like, FUCK THIS SHOW FOR EXISTING. And I don’t want to crush people’s buzz if they enjoy something! The reason I get so nitpicky is because I feel like it helps me better understand film-making overall. If a clip just doesn’t feel right, then I want to try to parse out why it didn’t work for me. 

For starters, choosing to place this extremely intimate, private, honest, confessional scene outside. And not in some isolated space, but where tons of people are. You can fucking see students walking around behind Eliott when he’s glancing in the window at Lucas. As Lucas exits the classroom, you can see a girl headed in the same direction as him. I mean … what?? They are not remotely alone? Not only does it ruin the atmosphere of the scene, it tanks the plausibility of it.

Because Eliott’s waiting for him outside, and holy shit, gives Lucas a kiss on the mouth. Dude! People will definitely see you. He knows that he’s Lucas’ first boy(friend) per their conversation in bed, so what is he doing? I guess it’s cute but also, not a great idea to out Lucas like that Lucas hasn’t been with a guy before, Lucas has been deliberating no-homo-ing their interactions in front of his friends, Lucas has been trying to play up his relationship with Chloe (for instance slinging that arm around her when Eliott came to talk last episode, not to mention, you know, dating her while flirting with Eliott) so it’s a completely reasonable and likely assumption that Lucas is closeted and doesn’t want people to know he likes guys. I don’t think Eliott is a bad person for doing this, but it seems weirdly insensitive of him. (Even tried to kiss Isak in public in episode 8, but it was while he was manic, and I don’t want to make that same assumption of Eliott here.) 

Eliott wants Lucas to leave with him but Lucas says he can’t ditch classes. Eliott says he’s told Lucille. He’s really brimming with confidence here, like he just swoops in for the kiss, he brings up Lucille without hesitation, he seems completely sure of himself. Lucas looks a little uncomfortable, though. Eliott is like, doesn’t that make you happy? Lucas says it does, although he doesn’t look that happy. 

Lucas: “I just don’t want you to be sad if it’s my fault.” No offense because this is a tiny thing but this is one of Skam France’s typical flaws from S1 and S2, which they have largely improved on in S3, but here it creeps up again: adapting something from OG without retaining the context that makes it effective.

That’s a line from Isak, and it made sense in context for him, because Even was looking and acting very, very vulnerable when he said that he had told Sonja about Isak. Nervous eyes, hesitant voice. Holding back on his normally demonstrative body language - Even is very tactile but you can tell he’s very restrained at the start of that conversation. He speaks slowly and is very focused on Isak’s reaction, because he really didn’t seem to be sure what Isak would say. It was when Isak said, “Cool,” that Even started to relax, his eyes start to light up, because Isak responded positively. And when Isak said, “I hope you’re not sad,” it was to fish out what Even was feeling, because he needed that confirmation of how Even felt. Isak wanted to know Even wasn’t sad as a way to determine that Even really truly wanted to be with Isak. It’s a nice, subtle bit of dialogue.

Which makes zero sense here because Eliott is radiating happiness. He kissed Lucas on the mouth as soon as Lucas came outside! He’s smiling, his eyes are shining! It’s not subtle! LMAO WHAT. I guess you can take this as Lucas being insecure, but it just feels so bizarre and dense for a character to project joy as strongly as Eliott does and to ask whether he’s sad. However, maybe we’ll assume that Lucas really is just fishing for confirmation. The thing is, Lucas also has little reason to think that breaking up with Lucille would make Eliott sad. Eliott hasn’t said anything about not being able to break up with Lucille; he has made it clear that he would like to move on and have a relationship with someone else, not necessarily a girl. (Compare to: Even talking about how he felt like he was growing apart from Sonja, but saying he could not dump her, as well as not hinting nearly so heavily that he wanted to get into an actual relationship with Isak.) Eliott didn’t choose Lucille over Lucas the other Saturday when Lucas wanted to hang out, he was just busy, not necessarily with Lucille. (Compare to: Even saying he had plans with Sonja, essentially choosing her over Isak that day.) Eliott straight up told Lucas that he hoped their double date was just the two of them, that was his plan. (Compare to: Even feeling basically the same way, but not telling Isak outright in words.) 

And throughout the season, Lucas has been even bolder in some ways than Isak was. He’s done more to go up to Eliott and try to chase him, he’s stolen a class register to find him. On Saturday he felt very confident about making out with Eliott and taking their shirts off. So you could take this as Lucas being insecure, but it doesn’t make a ton of sense even with Eliott ghosting the past few days. I don’t think it matches with the characterization. I think it’s just lazy writing, sorry, especially since much of the other dialogue in this scene is copy+pasted from OG. Or maybe more vulnerability and uncertainty was meant to come through at the beginning of the scene, but the directing and acting didn’t match up with that intention. Whatever happened, this is just an example of why this scene wasn’t very well-adapted. (Also, if Lucas is so insecure he can’t notice that Eliott is smiling happily and kissing him, then how did he get so confident within like 30 seconds to move in for a kiss in public? Overcoming both his internalized homophobia and his doubts to that degree in that short of a time?)

I do want to acknowledge that in Julie’s original script, the scene played out more like the one here, with Even kissing Isak at the very start and having his happiness and desire for Isak more visible. But in Julie’s notes, she also acknowledged that it was a hard scene to figure out and that the changes from script to shooting benefited the scene. Ultimately, this line felt right and fitting to the tone of the OG scene as it was filmed, but here it felt off. I didn’t get why Lucas was asking except because it was in the original show.

We get Eliott asking if Lucas would tell his parents, and at this point I was flabbergasted that they really were going to rush this hugely important, amazing scene to this degree. No room for buildup or mood, just cranking out the dialogue as if it’s obligatory. We get this conversation similar to OG where Lucas explains his dad feels guilty for leaving so he’s not going to say anything, and his mom is crazy so he doesn’t care. There is one nice moment where Lucas tells Eliott not to worry and Eliott says he’s not worried, but immediately asks why Lucas doesn’t talk to her. So you know, he is worried. That was a good, subtle moment. Eliott has a clear sad reaction to Lucas saying he doesn’t need crazy people in his life, and IMO it’s pretty obvious to viewers (though not to Lucas) but I still think Maxence did a decent job here.

Lucas is pulls out the drawing made for him, but Eliott just says Lucas is going to be late for class, all his warmth gone. When Lucas goes in for a kiss, Eliott ruffles Lucas’ hair instead. LMAO. Well, it’s not really funny at all in context of Eliott’s feelings, but it’s also just such a clear shutdown that I can’t help but find it amusing. Lucas does not find it amusing, stands there in surprise and confusion, looking down at his drawing. 

Also, Eliott ruffled Lucas’ hair in episode 2, at the end of their lovely evening together, with a lot of sexual tension between them, so this is an unpleasant reversal. That moment felt like a “hello, I’m looking forward to getting to know you.” This moment is a goodbye.

Anyway, this scene was a mess!

Was there a reason why they were outside? Did someone see them? Is there going to be gossip? Why did Eliott kiss Lucas outside when he knows Lucas is closeted? Why did Lucas go in for a kiss at the end (more on that in a minute)? If there is a bullying/rumors storyline as people suspect, that could just as efficiently be done with, for instance, having them meet in an empty classroom and someone walks in on them or spies on them, or secretly takes a picture of them looking close. Maybe they don’t even see the person in the clip themselves, or they hear a noise but by the time they turn around, the person is gone. That way it would be more believable that they would kiss when they think they’re in total privacy, but could also lead to a storyline where the rumors get out. Or, you know ... there were rumors in OG because of Emma, so just have that escalate with Chloe. She fucking yells that Lucas is gay at the end of the episode. There’s just no need for this scene to be outside, it defies logic, and it kills the mood of the clip. It destroys the feeling of Lucas and Eliott having a secret relationship, it ruins the intimacy of making their feelings so clear to each other and of Lucas’ confession about his mom. It’s a really big deal for Lucas to tell someone about his mom! Overall the setting should reflect the content of the scene and this was just strange. Lmao, they didn’t even seem to go very far, weren’t they talking right outside the classroom? Is Imane going to look up and be like, hmm, there’s Lucas and Eliott having a conversation through the window?

I saw people be happy that Lucas moved in for the kiss at the end, and I mean, I get it, that’s the ideal outcome, for Lucas to be out and proud and comfortable with himself. I’m not going to rag on people for being happy about that. But I don’t buy it. He’s startled Eliott kisses him at the beginning of the clip. Then 60 seconds later he’s moving in to initiate a kiss. In public. Like … what is that doing for Lucas’ character arc? Is the only reason he didn’t want to kiss at the beginning of the clip because he didn’t know what Eliott had been doing, and not because of his internalized homophobia? How did he become okay with kissing him outside where people could see in just a minute? It just seems terribly weak for his characterization, and unrealistic that someone who’s so deep in the closet that he goes around flinging homophobic slurs and romancing girls can undo part of that in such a short time. (Especially combined with the Pride clip the next day.)

On that note, Lucas did not ask Eliott where he had been the past few days, there was no acknowledgment of all that Eliott had been gone, so if that was a problem for Lucas, it got swept away. Not as big of an issue as others, but it seemed odd that it went unmentioned when Lucas spent time looking for Eliott and trying to talk to him.

Why was this scene so short? I know there are time restrictions for the episodes, but why in the world was the cake clip necessary over more time allotted to this incredibly important clip? Just because they’re required to include the girl squad? Does the entire squad have to be in every episode, and was there no better way to include them? For example, instead of this clip, what if we opened with the girls eating cake and talking about the common room, but Lucas gets a text from Eliott and excuses himself, then meets and talks with Eliott? If there was anything relevant about the cake clip for future episodes, start with the girls talking about that, then Lucas gets the text and leaves. Seems like a way better use of time.

I don’t mind Eliott being frostier with Lucas at the end, turning away from the kiss, but he does such a complete mood change in such a short time span that it feels a little ridiculous that Lucas didn’t notice. Eliott up until he asked about Lucas’ parents: smiling his ass off. Elliot when Lucas said that thing about his dad: still a tiny smile, receptive to what Lucas is saying. Eliott when Lucas goes in for a kiss: not having it. There is one thing that they talked about in between Eliott’s mood change (or two, I guess, with Lucas mentioning hedgehogs). The mystery element is made less, well, mysterious and more obvious for both viewers and Lucas. Even still gave Isak a goodbye kiss, a parting affection, meaning that it’d be harder for Isak to immediately trace the source of the breakup to that conversation; Eliott is done with Lucas right that fucking second. I get that Lucas isn’t the brightest, but I’m also like … he’s really not going to connect the dots even a little? Even if he doesn’t understand the whole scenario, doesn’t that stick out to him? (Even when Raptor Alex said something like Eliott freaked out the other day?)

Eliott asking about Lucas’ parents was such a jarring transition, and it’s because of pacing. Even just asks it of Isak, too, in a way that could be jarring, but because of the slower pace, the more vulnerable atmosphere, the acting, it doesn’t feel like a 180-degree scene change, it feels more like a natural direction for their conversation to take. The boys tentatively began the scene and were somewhat walking on eggshells toward each other; Even’s question therefore has a kind of fragility that’s in line with the atmosphere, he’s testing out whether Isak will be OK if they date. There’s a lack of vulnerability in this scene, at least up until that point: Eliott is perfectly fine and dandy, Lucas is apparently conflicted but it doesn’t really land. So the transition of topic just feels sudden rather than fitting the mood. It’s just a hugely weird execution.

Stuff I feel bad about saying but I’m going to say it in the interest of honesty: I think Axel has improved a huge amount from earlier seasons and has done good work in other scenes this season. But it felt like Lucas was bored during this scene. I got zero sense of say, wistfulness from him talking about his mom. He didn’t even seem that happy once Eliott told him things were off and they were bumping foreheads? It could have been a much more layered performance. Like … I just don’t feel happiness for Lucas once Eliott tells him it’s off with Lucille, because Lucas himself doesn’t seem to care. I think his parting look of confusion was good, but during the conversation itself, it was lacking. Is it just because Lucas is putting up a front and not trying to show how much he cares? Then how does that work with him trying to go in for a kiss at the end? Like with the previous clip with the boy squad, I blame this a lot on the clip being rushed and not having time to really sink into Lucas’ emotions. But it was just unfortunate because the material in this scene is so complex. 

Another thing I feel bad about saying but have to admit: Their chemistry has been good so far, but in this scene, it felt off. Like when Eliott went in to bump foreheads? Super awkward. He’s beaming and Lucas is not into it. And you can say that’s because he’s still not sure what’s going on, sure, but there’s no sense of like … wanting to lean in to the touch but feeling conflicted, or the gesture calming him or convincing him, it’s like Eliott is on a completely different plane than Lucas, and that doesn’t really make sense before Lucas drops the bomb about his mom. You can’t avoid that this scene between Isak and Even made such an impact because the actors were so in sync with each other. That scene felt overwhelmingly intimate, like we were spying on them in a private moment (which it was). The lack of intimacy here in what’s essentially a soul-baring moment is disappointing.

Just. Not good.

Clip 6 - Pride

Lucas is lying on the couch, his new home. Mika plops down and talks about how awesome the couch is, especially if someone like Eliott sleeps over again. Again, it feels jarring because there is zero buildup to this conversation, Mika says it right away, no easing into the conversation (and again, I know that there are time restrictions with the episode, and I’m sympathetic but that doesn’t make it feel less weird - not to mention I have quibbles with how they’re allotting their time). However, Lucas is like “seriously?” and Mika does seem to reconsider, saying that he’s there if Lucas wants to talk and getting up to leave. It works in the sense that Mika’s not been portrayed as sensitive to Lucas as Eskild was to Isak, so I can buy him being inelegant with bringing it up, but still, feels more like a necessity of them having to cram in this scene rather than a conscious character choice.

Lucas does decide to tell Mika about Eliott, and Mika seems pleased. Lucas wants to keep it under wraps, though, saying he doesn’t want to scream that he’s with Eliott or walk hand in hand with him. Which feels off considering he was ready to kiss Eliott on the mouth in public yesterday, which would scream he was with Eliott to anyone watching - again, why I feel that moment was inconsistent. Mika compares it to when Lucas was with Sarah, and Lucas says it was fake with Sarah. I like this bit comparing the two relationships. Mika is chill and happy for Lucas. Despite their relationship not being depicted in the strongest way IMO, it’s a nice moment.

Lucas says this doesn’t mean he’s gay, it’s fine to be proud of being gay, but he’s not gay as in camp. When Mika asks what he means, Lucas says he’s not going to tell people how many dicks he sucked over the weekend, or dance to pop music, or post naked pics on Grindr (especially damning since we saw Mika do just that a few weeks ago). Mika of course connects it to himself. Lucas tries to backtrack but puts his foot in his mouth further, saying he’s never going to Gay Pride and throw dick-shaped glitter on people just because he liked a guy. Mika gets pissed and the scene happens much like the OG Pride clip, talking about how the guys Lucas is talking about are suffering for just trying to be themselves. Mika gets pissed and walks off.

I’m fine with Mika’s reaction being more focused on anger whereas Eskild seemed more hurt and betrayed. Eskild and Isak were closer so that made sense. Mika seems more distant from Lucas so it works that the focus is more on his anger, less than someone he considers part of the family is degrading him.

This scene is so important in all contexts, all cultures, that I am really glad it’s here. Of all the things I hope that the remakes do include, the Pride clip is one of them - even if it’s not the exact same speech or dialogue, then a similar sentiment or lesson is really needed.

That being said, I do think they could have done this scene better from a storytelling standpoint, just by building up Mika and Lucas’ relationship and by not rushing the conversation. There are some nuances in the OG that did not come across here - like I think part of the reason that Isak started running his mouth about not being gay was that he noted that Eskild didn’t seem surprised, and Eskild didn’t deny it, saying he met Isak at a gay bar, and Isak was feeling some insecurity over being so transparent. That’s just my interpretation, though. However, Lucas also has not been dealing with the issue of stereotypes and generalizations to this point? His “gay test” was over something else, he didn’t call out the dance teacher for being too gay, etc. so this is like the first time he’s brought up this topic. I know we had the issue of generalizations mentioned by Alex and Imane but Lucas barely seemed affected by that incident. They could have built that up more, or preferably, re-wrote this scene to be more about Lucas’ behavior in past episodes, like him throwing around homophobic slurs just to distance himself from being gay. Have Mika call him out on that (like instead of focusing on stereotypes, Lucas says, “I’m not a [slur] just because I like a guy” and that’s why Mika gets pissed).

Side note, but it occurs to me that I don’t think we’ve heard about Mika and Lucas’ backstory at all? Like how Mika came to let Lucas hide in the basement before Manon invited him to take her room. I hope we hear about it in a future episode, because even if their relationship isn’t as important, it’s still something of an unresolved plot issue how Lucas came to live in the cellar last season.

Also, not to make light of this, but kind of awkward now because Lucas is living on the couch and can’t hide out in his room from Mika after this conversation.

Lucas texts Eliott that he told his roommate. I wonder what he was expecting from Eliott - probably support? Happiness? Eliott wanted to know how Lucas’ parents would react, and Mika’s not a parent but he’s someone in Lucas’ life, who lives with him, so it would be important. Instead, Eliott texts back, “That’s cool, I’m happy for you” which is frankly rather cold and detached, especially considering he follows up with the spiel about needing more time and them going too fast. This makes Lucas angry and he smacks the cushions. I think this is a good reaction, different from Isak who seemed just in disbelief that Even could be calling it off after asking to be his boyfriend the previous day. It fits with Lucas being more hot-headed and feeling out of control. He texts the guys about their plans for tomorrow, then throws his phone aside and sits back. Again, more like he’s pissed rather than stunned.

Clip 7 - Really bad night

The other three boys are playing a video game (not FIFA!) and Lucas is sitting there dejected, staring at Eliott’s last text message. The sound goes from happy fun-time boy party to sad droning despair when we cut from the others to Lucas, like he’s so checked out he doesn’t hear his friends, or the game, or anything, he’s just so focused on that one awful text message.

Yann, bless him, notices Lucas is in a bad mood, and has him get up and go to the kitchen with him. Lmao but also OUCH at Lucas wearing a hoodie that says “romance” at the worst possible time.

Lucas is super snotty about Yann not being able to find one of the many beers in the fridge, but of course Yann just wants to talk about what’s clearly bothering Lucas and why he’s avoiding them. Lucas denies there’s a problem, but Yann wants to know whether they’re friends or pretending? Lucas keeps denying and says if there was a problem, he’d tell Yann, and he just wants to enjoy the night. Curious way of showing that, sitting there completely checked out from everyone else and snapping at them.

I’m so, so glad they had this scene, because I think they’ve done Yann a disservice this season. They’ve cut out some Jonas moments, such as Jonas calling out Isak for his comments on the dance teacher (the French boys didn’t call out Lucas to nearly the same degree, nor single out his bad mood of late) and the scene where Jonas talks to Isak at his locker in episode 4 was not there. Basically, other than the scene in episode 3, there haven’t been many clips to this point that indicate Yann has been watching Lucas and growing concerned like Jonas was for Isak. This part is a great addition and I’m happy they had a moment to build up this relationship.

Arthur and Basile run in and say they got a text about a party at Chloe’s tonight, Basile thinks it’s his night to hook up with Daphne. GOD WHY. SHE SAID NO TO YOU. WHY MUST THIS TORTURE PERSIST.

They want Lucas to get them into the party, Lucas says Chloe is mad at him, Arthur says she’s not and it’s all in his head. How would he even know? They haven’t even been talking to Lucas lately. They just want to go to the party. Yann seems to be realizing that the situation is not good, but Basile says Lucas can’t do that to him, Lucas missed his birthday

Lucas agrees to go with zero enthusiasm, Basile wants a high five but everyone ignores him, thank God. Yann seemed happy when Lucas agreed to go, so I guess he thought Lucas was trying to have a good time instead of moping all evening, but Lucas was so blatantly not into it and peer pressured into going that IDK how you can think Lucas is anything but miserable.

The boys show up to Chloe’s house and Basile is already screaming and being obnoxious with people staring at him, but there’s a guy at the door who shoves Basile back and won’t let them in. In Skam, that guy at the door seemed like a total tool, but this guy? This guy is my hero.

Daphne comes down the stairs and Basile yells at her to tell the guy to let them in. Maria sees him and is all, hey, you were the guy who held my hair at the last party! Daphne is like, oh, so you hold any girl’s hair? And she walks off. Oh, fuck you, Skam France. Of course they’re going with Basile and Daphne. Lol at them trying to pretend Basile is a totally new character and not French Magnus when we get this subplot.

Basile is dismayed. Arthur says jealousy is a good sign. GODDAMMIT. This pairing is fucked up, I don’t care if I sound like a humorless uptight meanie SJW. It’s full of sexist tropes. Basile does not take no for a fucking answer, he’s disgusted and bothered Daphne over and over again, but she’s going to fall for him because he held her hair back one time. We’re just going to reward creepy male behavior because the creep didn’t actually rape her, I guess.

Lucas sees Eliott inside the house and shoves his way inside past the bouncer dude. No convincing the guy like Isak did, just shoving, which goes with his larger temper and sourer attitude. He sees Eliott talking to Lucille. But before he can get any farther, Chloe comes up and says he has no right to be here. Lucas starts to apologize for last time, and Chloe says she’s not mad about that, she’s mad that Lucas used her and treated her like a fool when he’s gay.

She outright yells, “You’re gay, Lucas!” in the middle of a crowded room so I wouldn’t be surprised if someone heard. JFC, Chloe. She is understandably pissed considering the way Lucas has played with her, but it is not okay to out someone like that. She’s being extremely careless. He seems like he’s not even totally present or hearing what she’s saying, like he seems in disbelief that she’s saying what she is. It’s a good reaction, like he’s overwhelmed by everything, and numb that she’s calling him out on what he’s denied to himself and others.

I actually could not tell if Eliott and Lucille disappeared, or if Lucas noticed that they were gone before he left the house. The way it’s filmed makes it seem like he was so rattled by Chloe that he just decided to leave. Eliott was already with Lucille so Lucas didn’t seem about to confront him (compared to Even who was not with Sonja until right as she showed up and kissed him).

So Lucas walks out and shoves Yann out of the doorway. Then shoves Basile. Then Arthur drops a comment about Lucas having a family issue, which seems … out of character, kinda. Mahdi and Isak had more of an established friction than Arthur and Lucas, AND Arthur was very supportive when Lucas first told them about his mom in episode 3. Basile was the one throwing a fit that Lucas canceled the party with the girls. I’m pretty sure that’s why people were speculating(/hoping) that Basile would be the one to get punched, because it was Basile with the prior issue. (But honestly, I feel like Arthur hasn’t been given a ton of characterization in the gang, and his primary role has been to egg on Basile’s pursuit of various women. For all people say Mahdi is underdeveloped? We still knew more about him at this point than Arthur, actually. We had more of a sense of his role in the group, and it didn’t seem out of nowhere that Mahdi would say that thing about Isak’s family.)

Lucas shoves Arthur against the side of the house. Yann jumps in, Arthur manages to hit Lucas in the head, which is shitty but tbh, I can’t get too mad at him since Lucas came out shoving everyone for seemingly no reason. Obviously Lucas is going through tons of shit but the boys don’t know the context, only that he’s lashing out at all of them. 

And as a final blow, as Lucas walks away from the house, he sees Eliott and Lucille kissing against the side of it. Eliott seems happy and initiating the kissing with Lucille, unlike Even who seemed to only respond and get into the kiss after Sonja initiated (and IMO, had a twinge of sadness in his reaction). So Eliott seems way more suddenly OK with Lucille and satisfied with choosing her. Which is kind of interesting because Even was the one giving more mixed signals to Isak, while Eliott seemed so much more sure he was done with Lucille and ready to move on with Lucas.

Meanwhile, Arthur is yelling about how he wants to slap Lucas and how he’s been acting like an asshole for several weeks. Would’ve been good if we got some clearer signs that Arthur was upset about it? Not super obvious, but IDK, more focus on Arthur’s reactions, or being more passive-aggressive. Obviously he could have been bottling up his resentment toward Lucas, but from a narrative perspective, it feels like there should have been more of an indication. (There is some passive-aggressiveness from him in the SM content but I didn’t feel like it really carried into the clips themselves.)

Lucas storms home alone, then starts punching a door and yelling before clutching his fist and sliding to the ground, crying. His fist is bleeding. Again, way more rage, and it seems like the full extent of all that’s happened sinks in only at the end.

Social Media/General Comments

Eliott posts a drawing of rain on his secret IG with the caption “not scared” on it. No prize for guessing what that’s about, but still, very sweet! Not just in a romantic way but a nice moment for himself, not being afraid to take his life in a new direction.

Also, Lucas posts that he’s listening to a song called “Over There, It’s Raining” which is touchingly sentimental, heh.

Chloe is PISSED and is mad about being stood up alone with a crying Lucille and says she’s not going to forget it this time, he’s taking her for a fool. Which is ominous as hell and makes it seem like her outing him is going to be more deliberate, tbh.

Basile’s party was a busy night.

The boys ask “Where’s Lucas?” on IG and document their booze/grocery shopping trip, noting from time to time that Lucas isn’t there. Dude, why isn’t Lucas there? Eliott left in the late afternoon. Anyway, Yann in particular seemed annoyed about it since he seemed to bring it up. Although they were ready to buy Lucas ice cream.

I mentioned this in the last reaction post, but I have ZERO idea why the girl squad showed up to Basile’s party when Basile has been actively creepy to Daphne and when the boy squad was just shitting on the girls a few days ago when ranking them on IG. Not just being gross and sexist in general, but shitting on Alex and Daphne and Manon in particular. I’m serious, why would you even bother with these dickheads?

Sure enough, Basile tries to get a kiss from Daphne in an IG story and she goes for Alexia instead. Why. Why. (Not her giving Alex a kiss, that’s great. Why must I watch this other nightmare of a pairing happen.)

Basile said his hot cousin was supposed to be there, but it looks like just the boy and girl squads showed up, lmao.

The absence of Lucas is so well-documented in the IG stories from this party that it goes from passive-aggressive to just plain aggressive.

NO, do NOT let Basile and Daphne leave together. Daphne is really really fucking drunk. They’ve been gone for like 30 minutes…. Daphne’s friends just let her wander off with Basile when she’s super drunk and has made it clear she doesn’t want him? JFC.

I did not worry that Basile was actually going to rape Daphne or something, because that would be way too extreme for this show in this season. I did worry that we would maybe get more “comic relief” sexual harassment that the SkamFr crew doesn’t seem to realize is harassment. Plus, in-universe we have had Basile touching girls while drunk, we’ve had him being creepy. So while my knowledge of genre/TV prevented me from thinking he’d assault her, there are completely valid reasons to be concerned for Daphne in this moment. 

The Skam France must have seen people’s horrified reactions to the Basile and Daphne content, because they broke Lucas’ POV to have a text message between the two of them. Daphne says “thanks for your help last night, you’re not so dumb (don’t tell anyone I said that)” and Basile is like, you’re welcome, hope you’re feeling better! And like … I’m relieved that this was all it was between them, but I’m still pissed this is where they’re going with it. I hate that Basile “not being so dumb” after all is going to be his redemption or whatever. This dude has been gross enough that it’s a meager consolation. It’s as if I kicked you in the face and knocked you down and then helped you stand up. One nice deed doesn’t make up for everything else.

Not to make generalizations, but: I have lots of problems with Noorhelm/William, in terms of sexist tropes, but there’s something about that storyline and his character that feels specifically like a female fantasy. I can tell a woman wrote it. Taking the bare bones of that romance: handsome rich bad boy falls for strong independent girl and changes his womanizing ways? Classic romantic trope. At its core, it’s not so different from something like Twilight, the “dangerous” guy and the one girl who’s special enough to break through his walls. It’s something that is appealing to women (not all women, obviously, but it’s disingenuous to pretend this isn’t a popular romantic dynamic.) It is appealing to women because the love interest is someone desirable.

The Basile/Daphne thing, though? Male fantasy. I can tell men were behind the camera (even if those dudes are not straight). Because I don’t think women particularly enjoy this dynamic. A gross dude who pursues a girl despite her being uninterested? Not really a fantasy that women have, that their nasty classmate or co-worker will keep trying to romance them until they’re worn down. In fact, many women have to live through this so-called fantasy and know it’s not pleasant. Basile is not portrayed as romantically desirable, and that’s not a value judgment on his attractiveness or anything, just a fact about his characterization. What I feel is that we’re supposed to align our empathy with Basile more than Daphne: the poor unlucky awkward loser who has a good heart, really, he’s just not the most skilled with girls. And that’s why it seems like it’s a male fantasy. The unlucky-in-love guy is the one who will get the girl at the end of the day. It’s funny and relatable to the male writer/director/crew because, no offense, perhaps they don’t get the girl’s perspective. The societal pressure and media characterization is not the same with the genders reversed. Men are socialized not to take no for an answer, to think that they are entitled to women’s affection.

Anyway, I really don’t think they expected some of the backlash to Basile and to Basile/Daphne, they probably figured it would be funny, like Magnus/Vilde, ignoring that Magnus/Vilde did not have the same consent issues and harassment. So in S4 it’s likely we’ll get more wacky Basile/Daphne antics and TMI, since they don’t have time to take the viewer feedback into account before they film the season.

Lucas trying to get Eliott’s attention by sending him a picture of a baby hedgehog is really cute. He also embraces that hedgehog motif by posting a pic of one on IG. I find that really endearing, like he’s latching onto something Eliott said about it, he’s making it meaningful. It reminds me a lot of Even latching onto every single thing Isak did and making it a Thing between them.

Meanwhile, Eliott had a shit time - he didn’t reply to Lucas at all, it seems, although Even replied briefly to Isak after he left, even though he didn’t give clear answers to why he’d gone. Eliott is instead posting pics of My Own Private Idaho alluding to his rough situation, saying everything will be all right, and then showing his raccoon fursona behind a brick wall after Lucas tells him that crap about not wanting mentally ill people in his life. Which is way too sad than anything involving a cute cartoon raccoon has the right to be.

There’s an IG story of Mika and Manon book shopping, referring to their “common passion” and mentioning a gay author, which makes me think they went shopping for LGBT-related books in relation to what’s happening with Lucas. I mean I guess their common passion could just be books in general, but I like the idea of them trying to find ways to help Lucas.

Mika also makes an IG post after the Pride clip about respecting “queens” and LGBT elders for their sacrifices and all the shit they’ve had to go through. It’s a more structured way of what he was expressing to Lucas in the clip and would have made for a great speech, although I think it makes sense for him to be angrier in the heat of the moment, and then this is him gathering his thoughts afterward, when he has more time to think about what to say. Great post, though.

After the end of the episode, Eliott posts some sketches of his raccoon and Lucille the cat being all cuddly, which I think were deleted later because I can no longer see them? But I think they’re the same sketches he had done earlier in the season, pre-Lucas, so it’s like him going back to the status quo, same as before, by getting back with Lucille.

Yann posted a pic where Basile and Arthur are happy and Lucas is so blatantly miserable that it feels like a parody, why the fuck would Yann even post that if he’s concerned about Lucas’ well-being. 

I’m not French so please feel free to clarify or correct me if I missed something.

If you got this far, thank you for reading!

[beatlejuice64]

Destiel Season 11: A catalog of Supernatural episodes

A catalog of each episode in Supernatural that features scenes related to Destiel. This includes scenes between Dean and Castiel, scenes with other characters that address their relationship with each other, and scenes that allude to Dean’s bisexuality.

Season 11 Summary Analysis

Cas experiences intense PTSD after being brutally beaten by Dean (who was influenced by the Mark of Cain) and after brutally beating up Dean (while under Rowena’s spell). Dean feels more and more drawn to Amara over the course of the season, and it makes him uncomfortable. Cas lets Lucifer possess him in a last-ditch effort to help defeat Amara. Dean tries to save Cas from Lucifer’s possession but fails, and he obsessively searches for him when he’s taken by Amara. Dean is relieved when Castiel resurfaces and tells Cas he’s the best friend he’s ever had.

My interpretation: Dean feels intense guilt for brutally attacking Cas at the end of the previous season, and Cas feels the same guilt after beating up Dean while spellbound. Cas feels useless while he’s paralyzed by PTSD, and he lets Lucifer possess him out of a sense of desperation to be helpful—he sees self-sacrifice as the best option because he can’t face the possibility of hurting Dean again. Dean is incredulous that Cas would let Lucifer posses him willingly—at first, he can’t believe it because he believes so staunchly in Castiel’s goodness. Dean tries hard to save Cas from Lucifer’s possession because he can’t stand seeing the man he cares for behaving like the Devil, and he‘s not willing to risk Castiel’s life for the greater good. Dean’s attraction to Amara freaks him out, partially because he doesn’t want it to interfere with his closeness to Cas. Experiencing Castiel’s absence for an extended period of time helps Dean see how much he values Castiel’s company, and he feels bad for not being there for Cas earlier in the season when he was struggling with trauma. Dean makes sure to tell Cas how he feels after Lucifer is expelled from him. Cas is touched by Dean’s sentiment, knowing how rare it is for Dean to let others get close to him. Cas appreciates Dean calling him a friend and brother, knowing that brotherhood is the highest compliment Dean can give to someone. As Dean is gearing up to sacrifice himself to defeat Amara, Cas is distraught and does not want to leave Dean’s side.

11.01 Out of the Darkness, Into the Fire

When Cas calls Dean, he urgently wants to know whether the Mark of Cain has been removed from Dean.

11.02 Form and Void

Castiel’s angel torturers recognize his consistent prioritization of the Winchesters over heaven: “What are you?” “What? I’m an angel of the Lord.” “That so? ‘Cause near as I can tell, when you have to choose between heaven and the Winchesters, you choose them. Every time.”

Cas refuses to give Sam and Dean up to the angels, even to Hannah.

11.03 The Bad Seed

Dean and Sam try everything they can to find Rowena to help cure the spell she put on Cas.

When Sam insults Castiel’s car, he’s offended. Dean tries to make him feel better: “You think it’s crappy?” “Eye of the beholder.”

After Cas feints, Dean puts him back in his chair and wraps him in a blanket.

Dean is able to help Cas resist his compulsion to kill a someone while under Rowena’s spell.

Cas starts seizing when Rowena lifts the spell, and Dean cradles Castiel’s head in his hands.

Cas apologizes to Dean for beating him up while under the spell: “Dean, I... there aren’t words.” “You’re right. There aren’t words, Cas, ‘cause there’s no need. You were under a spell. It’s fine.”

Dean declines Castiel’s offer to heal him because he feels bad for beating up Cas while under the Mark of Cain’s influence: “Dean, I can fix that.” “No, no no, it’s fine, Cas. Besides, I had it comin’.”

11.04 Baby

Sam asks Dean if he ever wishes he could have something more meaningful than a one night stand: “You don’t ever want something more?” “I’m sorry, have you met us? We’re battin’ a whopping zero in domestic life, man. Goose eggs.” “You don’t ever think about something? Not marriage or whatever, but something? You know, with a hunter, somebody who understands the life?” “Have you not heard a single word Bob’s been singin’ about?“

11.06 Our Little World

Dean tries to keep Cas out of the hunting scene out of sense of protectiveness: “Oh, what? You think he’s ready? He’s had a pretty rough go of it lately.” “Which one of us hasn’t? Seems insane to leave our one and only angel friend on the bench.”

Dean shows concern for Castiel’s mental health when he finds out he’s been binge-watching tv: “You sound weird, okay? Bad weird. Now, I’ve been down that road before. I’ve heard the siren song from the idiot box, and I’m tellin’ you, whatever you’re lookin’ for, you won’t find it in there. So do me a favor—turn off the tv, go outside and get some air. We’re in the dark here, pal. I need you back in the game, okay?”

Castiel tries to follow Dean’s advice to get out of the bunker, but he can’t bring himself to do it because he’s traumatized by the violence and mind control he’s experienced recently. The two most prominent flashbacks he has are of him beating up Dean while spellbound and Dean beating him up when he had the Mark of Cain.

Sam jokes about Dean’s relationship with Crowley: “Oh, right. I keep forgetting about you and Crowley’s summer of love.”

Metatron recognizes Castiel’s trauma: “You have gone full wuss. Now, I dunno what it was that happened, but whatever it was, you are scarred deep, paralyzed by trauma, by fear. I mean, look at you. You can’t even hit me.”

Crowley brings up the closeness that occurred between him and Dean the previous season: “Do you know how disturbing it was to realize that I couldn’t bring myself to kill you? I’ve had tons of chances over the years, some you don’t even know about, but still, I made my peace with it, embraced my softer side, learned to accept that there was just too much going on between you and I—bromance.”

Dean lies about not killing Amara, and Cas looks skeptical about the truth of his claim: “You said you were close. Dean, how’d she get away?” “I’m sorry, what part of ‘God’s freakin’ sister’ did you not understand? She overpowered me. End of story.”

11.08 Just My Imagination

The flamboyance and expressiveness of the Zanna make Dean very uncomfortable. He has difficulty taking them seriously at first, but he later tells Sully that he and his kind are a “good weird.”

11.09 O Brother Where Art Thou?

Amara kisses Dean, and he kisses her back. Then he pulls back suddenly, weirded out by it. Amara says the two of them are “bonded” and that they belong together, but Dean rejects the idea.

11.10 The Devil in the Details

Cas gets up in Dean‘s grill to diagnose his smiting sickness, but Dean pushes him away when he offers to take Dean’s temperature with his finger.

Amara recognizes Castiel’s lingering trauma: “You think I’m afraid to die?” “I know you are. You reek of fear and self-loathing.”

Lucifer is on the verge of killing Dean, but Cas tackles him before he can. He then lets Lucifer possess him.

Dean checks on Cas after they leave hell to make sure he’s alright.

11.11 Into the Mystic

Dean confides in Cas (Lucifer) about his failure to kill Amara. Casifer asks Dean if he’s drawn to Amara out of attraction, and Dean admits to it: “I know, okay? Whatever it is—attraction, connection—I gotta tell ya, man, it scares me. I don’t know that I can stop it. I don’t know that I can resist it.”

While Lucifer is posing as Cas, he performs a high level of affection toward Dean.

Dean notices that there’s “something off” about Cas, but Sam doesn’t pick up on it.

Dean feels so disturbed about his feelings toward Amara that he can’t sleep.

11.13 Love Hurts

Dean is cursed with being hunted by a qareen who takes the form of its victim’s deepest darkest desire, and for Dean, it takes the form of Amara.

Sam helps Dean understand that he doesn’t have to feel guilty about his attraction: “It was Amara.” “That surprise you?” “That doesn’t surprise you?” “Honestly?” “Honestly. What, you seriously think the sister of God is my deepest, darkest desire?” “She isn’t?” “No! She can’t be.” “Why not?” “Why? Because if she was, then that means I’m...” “Means you’re what? Complicit? Weak? Evil?” “For starters, yeah.” “Dean, do you honestly think you ever had a choice in the matter? She’s the sister of God, and for some reason, she picked you, and that sucks, but if you think I’m gonna blame you or judge you, I’m not.”

11.14 The Vessel

When Lucifer threatens to kill Sam, Cas resists his control, but he won’t eject Lucifer because they need him to bring Dean back from the past.

Dean refuses to believe that Cas would willingly let Lucifer possess him, even though Sam does: “Lucifer may be in control now, but Cas may not come back willingly. I mean, he chose it.” “No. No, not possible.”

11.15 Beyond the Mat

Dean is adamant about saving Cas from Lucifer, even though Sam isn’t convinced that’s what he wants: “...if he wants to be saved.” “He does. Even if he doesn’t know it yet.”

Dean feels extra “burnt” after finding out Lucifer is possessing Cas, so he takes Sam to a wrestling event.

Dean is disturbed by seeing a childhood icon sell his soul, and he doubles down on his determination to save Cas and win the day: “Dean, you know what? He made a bad decision. We’ve been there.” “Yeah. Yeah, you, me, now Cas.” “Dean, we’ll get him back. We will. We just gotta...” “Keep grindin’. No matter how much it hurts, no matter how hard it gets, you gotta keep grindin’.” “Right.” “And that’s how we’re gonna win. And we’re gonna win. We’re gonna save Cas, we’re gonna ice the devil, and we’re gonna shank the darkness. And anyone that gets in our way, well, God help ‘em.”

11.17 Red Meat

When Sam presents a case possibility and Dean doesn’t want to go, Sam recognizes that Dean is obsessing over finding a way to save Cas: “We’ll get him back.” “How?” “I don’t know, but we’ll figure it out. Meantime, we gotta get outta here, clear our heads. This is a case. Let’s do what we do. Let’s work it.”

11.18 Hell’s Angel

Dean prioritizes Castiel’s safety when planning to take down Amara, but Sam disagrees with him: “Priority is to put the Horn in Lucifer’s hands and set him loose on Amara.” “After we exorcise Lucifer out of Cas and put him into a new vessel.” “What? Really?” “Yes, really. I’m not gonna send Lucifer into battle inside Cas. What if he doesn’t make it?” “Dean, it’s a strong vessel. It’s held Cas for years, and we know what he’s been through. I’m guessing it can hold Lucifer.” “It? It’s not an ‘it’, Sam. It’s Cas.” “And Cas wanted to do this.” “Yeah, well, there’s times I want to get slapped during sex by a girl wearin’ a Zorro mask. That don’t make it a good idea.” “Dean, this is exactly how we screw ourselves. We make the heart choice instead of the smart choice.” “Oh, okay. Thank you, Dr. Phil. Cas is family.” “Yes, and his choice deserves to be respected.” “Even if it kills him?”

Dean is distraught after failing his attempt to talk to Cas without Lucifer hearing. Dean is taken aback when Lucifer mocks him for yelling out for Cas.

When Crowley enters Castiel’s mind to convince him to expel Lucifer, Cas is only willing to consider it after realizing it’s what Dean wants: “Wait, that was Dean I saw a minute ago, wasn’t it?” “Yes.” “And he wants me to expel Lucifer?” “Yes!” “Well, he may have a more objective view of the situation. Maybe I should.”

Even after realizing that they can’t get Lucifer out of Cas, Dean still calls out to him before Amara leaves with Lucifer.

11.19 The Chitters

Sam is concerned about Dean losing sleep during his obsessive search to find Cas: “Dean, we’ll find Cas, okay? He’s stronger than he looks.” “You know, we gambled with Cas, and now Amara has him.” “For a reason, which means he’s still alive.” “I’ve been with Amara. Her beef is with the big guys—with God, with Lucifer. The small fries, even an angel like Cas, doesn’t even register. And if it meant hurting Lucifer, killing Cas would mean nothing to her.”

When Dean finds out the two hunters they’ve met are a romantic couple, he takes an interest: “What’s it like settling down with a hunter?” “Smelly, dirty. Twice the worrying about getting ganked.”

Dean is tempted to ask the couple to help them find Cas and defeat Amara, but he doesn’t have the heart to pull them out of retirement: “Two hunters who make it to the finish line?” “Yeah, you leave that alone.”

11.21 We Happy Few

Dean continues to worry about Cas while the gang is gearing up to take on Amara: “...After that, it’s Lucifer’s turn. Physical attack, one on one.” “What about Cas?” “Oh, don’t worry. Your pet’s safety is my highest concern. Trust me, he’s on board.”

11.22 Alpha and Omega

As soon as Amara leaves, Dean goes to check on Cas, and he’s relieved to see that Cas is himself again.

Dean recognizes Castiel’s distress and tries to make him feel better by telling him how much he values him: “How you doin’? Good? I mean, you know, the whole Lucifer thing...” “I was just SO stupid.” “No, no, no. It wasn’t stupid. You were right. You were right to let Lucifer ride shotgun. Me and Sam wouldn’t have done that.” “Well, it didn’t work.” “No, but it was our best shot, and you stepped up.” “I WAS just trying to help.” “Well, and you DO help, Cas. You know, sometimes me and Sam have got so much goin’ on that we forget about everyone else.” “Well, you do live exciting lives.” “Yeah, that’s one word for it. But you’re always there, ya know? You’re the best friend we’ve ever had.” “You’re our brother, Cas. I want you to know that.” “Thank you.”

Cas is worried about Dean after Rowena puts the soul bomb inside of him: “Dean, are you okay? How do you feel?”

As Dean is getting ready to go sacrifice himself, Cas gives him a giant hug, and Dean hugs him back. Cas also offers to go with him. Dean demonstrates the trust he has in Cas by asking him to look out for Sam. Cas agrees, and Dean thanks him “for everything.”

Dean tries to be macho, but Sam calls bullshit on him: “No chick flick moments, come on.” “Yeah, you love chick flicks.” “Yeah, you’re right. I do. Come here.”

When the gang sees the sun getting brighter, Castiel’s first thought is whether Dean survived.