#I’m so freaking tired today
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I drew my main fursona.
#fursona#furry art#my ocs#my art#I’m so freaking tired today#my alarm didn’t go off#CandyCottonRaptor
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it’s almost like you’re swimming w me !🥰
free OF / $7.77 - no PPV
#and then i drowned you:))))))#lol sorry btw#i was using my arms to swim & didn’t really think about it lol❤️#i’m so tired after being in the pool today 0:!! it was so freaking hot !!!#it’s me !
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today’s post-TF is: This Counts, Right?
#friendship ended with EEnE TF now Punch-Out TF is my best friend#I could definitely find something better for today but I’m so freaking tired I need a nap#daily post tfs
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the worst part of anxiety is that it feels bad before you do the thing, while you’re doing the thing, AND after you’re doing the thing, but if you ever stop doing the things it gets WAY WORSE!!!!
#so your job is to fight through it every time and every once in a while you notice it’s not as hard as it used to be#which yes is progress! but also i’m very tired of feeling like this!#today is supposed to be a fun day and i’m shaking with anxiety already and it’s so irrational#i am going to read books to children at a fun winter event and then go to the nutcracker ballet#and i’m weirdly nervous that the kids won’t like me. my entire job is getting kids to like me. i think it’ll be ok#it feels like there��s a panicking kid in my brain and also a world-weary adult sighing every time the kid freaks out like ‘this again?’#i don’t know there’s not rly anything to be said or done#i just wanna vent and i feel like my irl friends are gonna get sick of me having a bad time 🤪
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L’shana Tova!
#mine#me#I just bawled on the phone to my mom for an hour because I was a bit snippy after the beautiful dinner I made for everyone#but I couldn’t help it because my uncle all of a sudden is very….trumpy adjacent#and I also just got snappy at my mom#and when everyone left I started crying#I was sad about Nick#and I texted my sister just being like hey sorry if I was snippy just had a long week#and I was already planning to call my mom#but my sister was like you did great today just extend the same courtesy to mum#so that just made me feel worse#so I called my mom crying which she hates#and I apologized and then we talked about some other things#I think I’m tired#my brother and his fam was supposed to come#but they all have a bad cold so they didn’t come and we were all bummed#oh and my sister was annoyed with Henry#but babies freak him out#so the poor thing was in my room all day#but her dog acts up all the time when people come over and he’s EIGHT#I had a nice phone call with my Nannie though#rosh hashanah
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Driving home at night so scary :(
#not transformers#it’s mostly because I’m super tired that it’s scary#night driving itself isn’t scary#but when you’re sleepy it is#luckily it’s so freaking cold and cold#my teeth chattering the whole way down#also I said to me parents ‘don’t lock the door because I need to get in’#guess what they did#that’s right#locked the fucking door#then he got mad when I rang the doorbell a bunch#like why didn’t you just listen ;3#anyways I’m so eepy waaaa#stardew valley was so fun tho#ugh and I went to TOWN today#so scary :(#I went to a restaurant and the waitress wasn’t nice#I don’t like going out#I don’t even have money for it ugh#bad restaurant experience#honestly today was kinda mid#ugh
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bath + asparagus time
#I did some cleaning and my day’s gotten slightly better#long story short I’ve had a fucking weekend lmfao#last Thursday I had a complete breakdown on my way home prompted by like the smallest comment u could think of#nevertheless it made me sob violently#like picture florence pugh in midsommar but more hysterical#on Friday I had a good day!! but it was fuckin busy man and I didn’t get around to#half of the stuff I needed to#Saturday was also busy and on the way home from work my car started SMOKING!!!! from under the hood#nothing was on fire but it freaked me the fuck out and I couldn’t get it to the mechanic until today so I had to find rides everywhere#and that was stressful#I only got like 3 or 4 hours of sleep Saturday night bc I had a (fun!!!) thing that went really late and then had to get up at 5 for work#on Sunday#so Sunday afternoon I got home and napped from 2-6pm and then just went to bed at 8 so I STILL didn’t get any shit done#and then this morning I opened again and I spent my sh#ift w people who are even newer at my job than I am so I was like training them/doing everything they couldn’t do yet and it was just#a weird day and my boss was acting weird and I didn’t like it at all#and then this afternoon I take my car to the mechanic FINALLY and he says the radiator’s busted and leaking coolant everywhere and also#one of the tires is fucked so we have to get them all replaced#and that’s gonna be several hundred dollars which is fine it’s all fine but I’m fucking tired#and when I got home there were still dishes to do😭😭😭#I need someone to baby me and clean my house#gawd#valkyrie talks
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my brother and I are both rly suicidal at the same time. sibling connection
#but fr it’s been so bad I’m really really worried about him#after he somehow miraculously survived last night after all the shit I texted him today n said I love you#and he responded “I lost everything that mattered”#then “idc anymore“ then he said he loved me too#i said please don’t do anything I understand how u feel bc I feel that way all the time but you’re here for a reason#and he said “sick and tired julia“#it’s freaking me out I can’t lose my only sibling like what the fuck I do not understand what my family did#to deserve to go through constant horrible things#we’re not bad people we’re all just really struggling
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i love that i didn’t wanna work today bc i’m tired and don’t have to energy to emotionally regulate the way i know i’ll need to (i was supposed to have two very reactive, nervous dogs and a very high stress cat today) so i was not looking forward to it but whatever it’s work i’ve done it before. except the universe decided to take that vibe and run with it and decided having my assistant get pulled over on the way to come pick me up and have their vehicle towed bc their insurance didn’t auto renew like they thought it did!!!!!
thanks universe but that’s not even vaguely remotely close to the help i was looking for
#i wanted to either be not tired#or the dogs to vibe wtih me#that’s it that’s all i wanted#why did ya have to go and do this#man#i was supposed to see jeff today too i love jeff#he’s such a gremlin kitty and now i gotta reschedule them all#i’m so annoyed#and now my cousin(who is my assistant) is all stressed#cause she’s gotta deal with her freaking car being towed#ugh#bad start to the weekend#this sucks#ignore this#rants#personal rambles#grooming#work#not stargate
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can’t sleeeeeep too many thoughts
#i scheduled a surgery today#it’s for my foot and i will have to get surgery on my other foot too once the first one is healed enough#and it’s kinda freaking me out#it’s not for a few months so i can get stuff i have planned done#in the meantime i just have to manage the pain that i’m already at my breaking point with#i had to stop going to grocery stores bc walking that much bothers my feet too much#i’m able to rally for stuff i really wanna go to but i do that knowing i’m gonna have to spend a couple days after recovering from it#and in the moment i am just Suffering#even lying in bed rn if i flex my foot too much or brush against it wrong it hurts#i’m just tired
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#i’m so freaking exhausted#worked a 15 hour shift today#no break#so much happened all at once while i was helping other ppl as well#i’m just tired 😞#this is basically day 5 of work
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My cramps are actually so BAD girl help
#i’m not really getting it in my thighs for once and the back pain is relatively easy to ignore as long as i don’t try to do much#but girl my entire midsection is killing meeeeeeeeee#feels like my uterus has just taken over my whole abdomen and stomach area#and dear god i am having the worst lightheadedness of my life. i feel so deeply sick#i feel empty like i’m hungry even though i’ve eaten a normal amount today#i’m having fish and chips with my mum and stepdad tonight so i’m trying to hold out but dear god i want to EAT#i just know it won’t help and will make me gassy and give me new abdominal pains to worry about#i’m so tired and lethargic my watch actually saw fit to warn me that i had a low heart rate#it dropped to 48-49bpm for like five minutes straight#then my water flosser arrived and i jumped up to answer the door so that took me to like 60#am i fucking dying or something??? like should i be concerned#i take all my vitamins and try to stay moving.. surely my body cannot just randomly decide to flatline like that#i’ll just keep an eye on it i guess. i saw somewhere it’s not a severe cause for concern unless it’s regularly dropping under 40#while you’re awake (and you’re not some kind of endurance athlete who adapts to have a ridiculously low resting heart rate)#i mean my heart is generally going like a bunny rabbit so that’s why i was a little weirded out by the notification#we’ll keep an eye on it! and probably do exercise bike tomorrow because i’m supremely freaked out now#personal
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nightmare saga part idk too many
#this sleep is ruining my day-to-day life atm#with my waking up screaming nightmares I am exhausted the entire day and can barely do anything#the nights without those I get just enough rest that I’m in a bad mood and short-tempered bc I’ve gotten too little sleep#but enough so that the energy to be in the bad mood is there#and like i try my very best not to be in a bad mood and let it affect everyone around me and myself but it’s just so hard#bc I’m so freaking tired and exhausted and just want to sleep#I want a good night’s sleep#I can’t remember the last time I actually had an entire night worth of good sleep#July? or August maybe#I’m so exhausted and tired and I just want to sleep#now I’d settle with enough sleep so I can manage my mood and not be snappy with everyone#that’s all I’m asking for#I can sleep terribly as long as I have that much energy#well no my home is falling apart it’s so messy#I’m eating way way too much sugar to just to try and get through the day which is not good#I’m running out of finished meals in my freezer as well#so I really should cook before I’m standing here without anything bc I’m too tired to cook#but I did do laundry today so at least I’ve got clean underwear and socks now for another three weeks which is always something#oh and we’re not even gonna touch on the pain aspect of it all bc who has the energy to care about that
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do you ever get worried you’re not cut out for something you’ve wanted for so long and worked so hard for?
#it’s only been a week and maybe i’m just freaked out or something#but i’m so scared that im not cut out for college#i’m not even at the point of quizzes and tests#i’m barely past reading syllabi and class introductions#and i’m so tired and overwhelmed literally all the time#getting around campus is manageable but my legs are constantly aching or are straight up in pain#idk. i think im just spiraling a bit. today kinda sucked major ass#might delete in the morning#after i get some sleep and stop having a breakdown#goose rambles
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Ya know you’re in another depressive episode when you start to romanticize smoking cigarettes
even tho you tried it for like a few days years ago and didn’t like it
but the thought of a quick remedy
to what’s bothering you is just
too inviting
:/
#I’m also very tired and it’s late rn#I was also extremely anxious today like physically avoiding the thing#I’m tired and spacing out sentences helps me read better#and my anxiety hasn’t been that bad in so long#it freaked me out#and fucked w/ my depression even worse#so bad that I had every intention to go and buy cigs today but circumstances prevented my doing it#lizard-talks
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Lego is so homophobic
#I was super excited to build my Monkie Kid lego set today but I’m missing a sticker sheet .(#and it won’t arrive for two weeks so I can’t build it for a while#AND I got a different Lego set because . to take my mind off it I guess but the technic bits were freaking impossible and uhh I cried#I’m tired of being disappointed by Lego smh
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