#I’m planning on adding to this later but I just wanted to post something tonight

[cherrys-side-bitch]

Considering that the Great 7 are ghosts means that Yuu is very touch starved. Sure, Yuu likely had friends or acquaintances from their word, but they’ve never had the true feeling of the warm, loving embrace of their parents. Even if they have, it was only a ghost of what could’ve been. All they can do is take it with a sad smile, knowing that no matter how hard they try, they can’t return that love.

Sure, it hurts, but it's a sad truth they’ve gotten used to.

That being said, the first time that one of the first-year gang hugs or puts an arm over their shoulder, Yuu looks at them with an almost… confused expression. Unused to the warmth of another’s touch, they freeze, unsure what to do or say.

[theonottsbxtch]

it's ok im ok | LN4

an: it's ok im ok by tate mcrae is out and i had this idea the minute i heard it the first time so i've been writing this the last two hours. this was very rushed so please be nice, slight oscar x yn (no use of yn)

written and smau

face claim: pintrest and queen t8

newgirlfriend just posted

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oh he's so perfect

**coments have been restricted**

When she’d first broken up with Lando, she’d been distraught. He was the love of her life, or at least she’d thought. For over a month, she’d spent every passing moment reminiscing on all the good parts she could remember of the relationship, but as that month came to a close, the fog began to lift. 

There was no good.

At first there was, there had been the dates, the gifts, the flowers and the continuous travelling alongside her. The texts of ‘I miss you’ and ‘I love you’ at least once a day had diminished into a ‘gn’ and ‘gm’ eleven months into the relationship. 

The affection that once felt so constant had turned into something routine, something obligatory. She’d ignored the signs at first, brushing off the growing distance as just a phase, believing things would eventually go back to how they were in the beginning. But they didn’t.

She remembered the nights when he would cancel plans at the last minute, claiming he was too tired from work, yet his social media was filled with stories of nights out with his friends. The times he’d forgotten important moments — her promotion at work, her 21st birthday, their anniversary. Every time, he had a perfectly reasonable excuse that she had willingly swallowed, desperate to hold onto the image of the man she’d thought he was.

The excuses, the half-hearted apologies, and the lack of effort slowly chipped away at her, until one day, she woke up feeling emptier than ever, wondering where she’d gone wrong. She’d blamed herself, convinced she was being too demanding, too needy.

But now, with some distance, she could see it all for what it was: she’d been in love with an idea of him, a projection of her own desires. The real Lando was far from the prince charming she had made him out to be. He was just a guy who knew how to charm his way through life, good at saying the right things but never following through.

She realised now that the man she’d loved never truly existed; he was a mirage, built from wishful thinking and her own desperation to be loved.

So when Mclaren invited her to celebrate the new season, she took it knowing she was a mature adult, after all he’d moved on. So could she.

“She’s posted him again,” Her best friend spoke from the sofa where she’d been waiting for her to touch up her makeup. “Caption is ‘Oh he’s so perfect’ with some flowers and a teddy bear.”

“Poor girl.” She muttered to herself as she applied some gloss. “She’s still in the honeymoon phase,”

Her best friend hummed and laughed as she continued to scroll through the photos.

Unlike many ex girlfriends, she didn't hate the new girl, no if anything she pitied the next girl and the inevitable one after that, it wasn’t their fault that he acted like the perfect gentleman at the start.

She sighed, putting the lip gloss down and meeting her own eyes in the mirror. "I mean, she’s just like I was," she added, more to herself than to her friend. "I remember thinking he was my perfect match, too. All those little gestures, the compliments, the way he always seemed to know exactly what I wanted to hear. I fell for it, hard."

Her friend glanced up from the phone, a knowing look in her eyes. "Yeah, but you saw through it eventually. And you got out."

She nodded, a small smile tugging at her lips. "Yeah, I did. And I’m not gonna pretend that was easy, but I did it. I’ve just gotta hope she figures it out sooner rather than later."

Her friend grinned. "I bet you’re dying to go up to her tonight and give her a friendly warning."

She laughed at that, shaking her head. "Oh, no. I’m not getting involved unless the opportunity comes up . She won’t listen anyway; no one does when they’re in the thick of it. Besides, it's not my place."

Her friend tilted her head, watching her closely. "You’re really okay with all this?"

She paused for a moment, considering her answer. Was she really okay? Seeing those photos had stirred something in her, but it wasn’t jealousy. It was more like a dull ache, a memory of a wound that had already healed. "I think so," she said finally, smiling a little. "I mean, it still sucks to see, but not in the way it used to. I guess... I’m more relieved than anything. Relieved that it’s not me anymore."

Her friend nodded in approval. "That’s growth, babe. And tonight, we’re gonna celebrate that growth with some champagne and dancing. No thinking about exes, just fun."

She laughed, grabbing her bag and turning to face her friend. "Deal. Now, let’s get out of here before I change my mind."

They headed out the door, a cool breeze greeting them as they stepped into the evening air. As they walked to the car, she glanced at her phone one more time, catching a glimpse of Lando’s face on her social media feed. His arm was around the new girl, that same easy smile on his lips, the same charm in his eyes. But this time, it didn’t sting. It didn’t make her chest tight or her stomach drop. She felt...nothing.

“His teammate was fitter anyway,” At first she hadn’t heard it but when she did, she turned to face her friend, “What? I’m saying what we all saw.”

“I’m not stirring that pot.”

“You’re not but I am.” Her friend laughed as she pulled out of the parking lot, “Think about it, he’ll be there tonight, freshly broken up. Maybe you two can bond over that.”

Her eyes widened as she looked at her friend, “He broke up with his girlfriend?”

“I knew you were interested!”

She rolled her eyes, feeling a flush creep up her neck. "I’m not interested," she insisted, but the hint of a smile played at the corners of her lips, betraying her. "It’s just… surprising, that’s all."

Her friend shot her a knowing look. “Oh, come on. I’ve seen how you look at him. All those race weekends, sneaking glances when you thought no one was watching. You can’t deny it.”

She laughed, a light, genuine sound she hadn’t heard from herself in a while. "You’re imagining things. Besides, just because Lando's teammate is single doesn’t mean I’m ready to jump into something new."

Her friend raised an eyebrow. “Who said anything about jumping? Maybe just dip a toe in. Have fun for once. You deserve it."

She hesitated, biting her lip as the car sped through the city streets. "I don’t know… it just feels too soon."

"Too soon? Or maybe the perfect time?" her friend challenged. "It’s not about replacing Lando. It’s about letting yourself feel good again."

She stared out the window, watching the city lights blur into a kaleidoscope of colours. Her friend was right. She had spent so long grieving over Lando, replaying every mistake and wondering where she went wrong. Maybe it was time to let someone else in, even just a little.

“Okay," she finally said, her voice steady. "If I see him tonight, I’ll talk to him. No expectations, no pressure. Just… a conversation."

Her friend grinned. “Now, that’s the spirit. And who knows? Maybe you’ll find out he’s more than just a pretty face.”

She laughed again, this time with more ease. “Or maybe I’ll find out he’s just another disaster waiting to happen.”

Her friend chuckled, “Only one way to find out.”

By the time they’d pulled up to the club and handed the keys to the valet, there was a solid blush on her cheeks. After all, she had spent the rest of the car ride looking at Oscar’ photos. 

She felt the bass of the music underneath her feet as she and her friend handed their ID’s to the bouncer, waiting as he checked their names off the list.

“Right let me find some virgin cocktail, you go find Oscar.”

“Absolutely not, I’m getting a drink first.”

When they reached the bar, they eyed up the drinks board, everything seemed so tempting. Starting easy she ordered herself a vodka coke. No point trying to talk to Oscar if she was sloshed. 

“Your replacement, 12 o’clock.” She heard her friend shout over her drink.

She turned around, subtly glancing in the direction her friend had pointed. There she was, the new girl — bright-eyed, smiling, and looking like she had the world at her feet. Her heart clenched for a moment, a tiny pang of something she didn’t want to name, but then she felt it ease just as quickly. It wasn’t jealousy; it was almost… nostalgia.

The girl was everything she remembered herself being — full of hope, dressed to impress, standing a little too close to him as if she needed to mark her territory. And there he was, Oscar, just as charming as ever. Leaning in, whispering something that made the girl laugh loudly, the kind of laugh that begged for attention.

Her friend nudged her side. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” she said, swallowing a sip of her drink. “Just feeling pity, really.”

“Well,” her friend prompted, “you gonna say hi or what?”

She took a deep breath. “I think I’ll let them have their moment. Besides, I’m not in the mood to play the ex-girlfriend card tonight.”

Her friend snorted. “What, you don’t want to ruin their Instagram-perfect night?”

She grinned. “Tempting, but no.” She took another sip, feeling the warmth of the alcohol begin to relax her nerves. “Let’s dance, yeah?”

“Don’t have to ask me twice.”

Grabbing her phone off the bar and shoving it down her bra, she took her friend’s hand and brought her to the middle of the dance floor, some Flo Rida song making the walls shake. 

Moving to the beat of the music, she looked as her friend began to dance on her, pulling her hand on her hip as they danced in sync enjoying the moment and ignoring the fact that she could see Lando looking at her and not his new girlfriend.

She felt the bass thump through her chest, each beat syncing with her pulse as she lost herself in the music. Her friend’s laughter was infectious, and she couldn’t help but grin, the tension in her shoulders easing as she swayed to the rhythm.

Lando’s gaze was heavy on her, almost burning through the crowd. She could feel it, a mix of curiosity and maybe a hint of regret. She didn’t look directly at him — not yet. Instead, she let her movements become more carefree, twirling with her friend and raising her arms in the air as the chorus hit. The whole room seemed to pulse with the beat, and she revelled in the feeling of letting go, if only for a moment.

Her friend leaned in, her voice barely audible over the music. “He’s staring,” she said with a sly smile.

She shrugged, flipping her hair back with a casual flick. “Let him,” she replied, her voice loud enough to be heard over the music but still cool and collected.

And then, on a whim, she spun around, facing him across the crowded room. Their eyes met, and she held his gaze for a heartbeat longer than she intended. His expression was unreadable — a mix of surprise, maybe a flicker of something else. But she didn’t want to decipher it; she didn’t care to.

Instead, she raised her drink in a mock toast, a sly smile playing at her lips, before turning her back to him again. She felt a surge of confidence, a quiet thrill in knowing she no longer needed his validation or attention. She was here to have fun, to enjoy the night, not to relive old memories or make a scene.

Her friend noticed the exchange and leaned in again. “You sure you don’t want to give him a piece of your mind?”

She laughed, a real, genuine laugh that felt good in her chest. “Nah, he can watch if he wants. It just shows he’s not as over it as I am.”

She turned her attention back to her friend, giving her a playful spin. “Anyway, I have a much hotter date.”

This time her friend laughed loudly, “Uh huh you do, I’ll go get us refills.”

“I’ll come with,” she offered, even though she was beginning to feel herself in the middle of the crowd.

“No, you just stay here.” Her friend gave her a final wink before disappearing into the crowd, leaving her alone on the dancefloor. The bass of the music pulsed through her, making her heart race in time with the beat. That’s when she spotted Oscar — tall, confident, with a warm smile that seemed to cut through the throng of people. He was one of the few people who had been genuinely kind to her since she’d met him, and there was a sense of magnetic energy between them.

He extended his hand with a charming grin. “May I have this dance?”

Without missing a beat, she placed her hand in his, feeling a thrill of excitement. They moved closer, the heat of their bodies melding together as the music swelled. He guided her into a slow, sensual dance, their movements smooth and synchronised. His hands rested lightly on her hips, and she could feel the tension of his touch, a mix of confidence and tenderness. Overlapping her hands on his, she tightened his grip on her hips.

As they danced, she felt a rush of freedom, the worries and old feelings from earlier dissolving into the rhythm. She glanced to her side and caught a glimpse of Lando across the room. He was watching them, his expression a mixture of surprise and frustration. For a moment, their eyes locked, and she saw the flash of jealousy in his gaze. She raised an eyebrow slightly, a smirk playing on her lips as if to say, “Look at me now.”

Returning her focus to the Oscar, she let herself be completely immersed in the moment. His touch was intoxicating, his eyes locked on hers with an intensity that made her feel desired and cherished. They moved together effortlessly, each step and sway adding to the intimate connection they were building on the dancefloor.

Oscar leaned in, his breath warm against her ear. “You look amazing tonight,” he murmured, his voice low and husky. “I mean you always have, but tonight things are different aren’t they?”

She shivered at his words, the tension between them palpable. She responded with a soft laugh, her fingers trailing up to his neck as she whispered back, “They are, aren’t they?”

As the song reached its climax, they pulled closer, their bodies pressed together in a way that felt both exhilarating and soothing. She let herself be lost in the sensation, feeling a newfound sense of liberation and sensuality. The world outside seemed to fade away, leaving just the two of them in their own private dance.

The song ended, but they stayed close, their breaths mingling. “I’m going to the bathroom, but I’ll see you here for round two?” she said, trying to be heard over the music.

“I won’t go anywhere,” he replied with a teasing smile, his voice like velvet. She wanted to linger in his warmth a moment longer, but she knew she needed to regroup. The minute she snapped out of her trance, she found the bar and her friend, dragging her to the nearest bathroom.

Finding the handicap stall, she pulled them inside and slumped against the wall, grabbing her drink out of her friend’s hand.

“Fuck me,” she whispered, her voice a mix of exhilaration and happiness.

“I am not Oscar, but I’m sure he would if you asked nicely,” her friend quipped, trying to lighten the mood.

She let out a tired laugh, shaking her head. “Not what I meant. I just… I don’t know. It’s weird being back in this place. Wow. That dance - I.”

Her friend gave her a knowing look. “At least give me a heads up if I’m going to drive home alone tonight.”

As she took another sip of her drink, she heard the bathroom door swing open, followed by the sound of animated giggling. It was Lando's new girlfriend, chattering excitedly with a friend. Her voice carried through the thin bathroom walls, brimming with admiration.

“Oh my god, he’s just so perfect!” she gushed. “I can’t believe how lucky I am. He’s got everything—charm, looks, and he’s so sweet. I feel like I’m in a dream.”

Her friend raised an eyebrow, glancing at her. “Are you okay?”

Suppressing a laugh, she stood up and pushed open the door to the cubicle. As she emerged, she locked eyes with Lando’s new girlfriend in the mirror.

“Hey there,” she said, her voice smooth yet edged with cool detachment. “So, which version of him is perfect, the off-season version or the regular season?”

The new girlfriend blinked, visibly startled. Her smile faltered, and she looked momentarily confused. “Uh, I don’t really understand what you mean.”

She could sense her best friend trying hard not to laugh behind her. Shrugging lightly, she maintained a mix of sympathy and detachment in her gaze. “Just a thought. Sometimes people have different sides to them, you know? What you’re seeing now might not be the whole picture.”

Before the new girlfriend could respond, her friend besides her chimed in . “You’re just jealous.”

She turned, a knowing smile on her lips. “Oh, sweetie, it’s okay. I’m perfectly fine. After all, I had him first.” Without giving the new girlfriend a chance to reply, she gently but firmly guided her friend out of the bathroom and back into the club.

As they re-entered the lively atmosphere, her friend grinned at her. “That was hot.”

She chuckled, feeling a sense of empowerment and closure. “Glad you think so. Let’s enjoy the rest of the night.”

ynprivate just posted

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it's ok im ok

**comments have been restricted**

[httpscomexe]

No, You Don't

Day 3 of Kink-Tober - Bondage

Summary: You knew he was crazy for you, but not that crazy.

(Find What I’m currently writing by checking my pinned post)

Parings: Peter Parker x Reader

Warnings: (Lmk if I missed any) Stalking, implied murder, blood, revolution, pv (Not very long), intruder, drugging, language, cheating, and finally, bondage kink. (I absolutely hate this, but lmk how you guys feel).

Main tags: @cellyx33 @shybluebirdninja

Word Count: 3295 (Find my Kink-Tober list here)

P.S. If you would like to be added to the Kink-Tober tag list, just let me know.

He had everything figured out. It was the perfect plan to ask you to Prom. Everything was going to plan, at least on his side. He had already bought some flowers, and he made a poster all by himself (with a little help from Ned), so now all he needed to do was find you, ask you. Tell you his lines, the ones he rehearsed in front of the mirror about a thousand times. He knew exactly where you were right now. As soon as he turned the corner, he knew you would be standing at your locker. But he pauses. His eyes glued on you and…

Flash…?

What were you doing… his hands on your waist, and his lips connected to yours. Peters turns back around, using the wall as his shield.

He thinks about it. He wasn’t sure whether or not it was even true. It made no sense to him, he never expected you to kiss Flash of all people. But he knew he would have to do something about it. Something to ensure you were only his…

“Hey!” You hear his footsteps behind you before he stops in front of you, a huge smile on his face as his body keeps you from walking any further. “Hey, where are you going?”

“Home, Peter. I’ve had a long day.”

“Yea, I heard what happened, I’m sorry.” He steps aside, and starts walking next to you. He’s been rather clingy this week.

“It’s not that big of a deal, why are you apologising?”

“Well I know how bad you wanted to be in the play.”

“Not bad enough to care.”

“Then what’s bothering you?” You.

“I’m just tired, exams really snuck up on us this year.” You throw him a lame excuse, hoping he would just leave you be.

Obviously you didn’t hate him, but you weren’t exactly close to him either. You had no fucking idea who he was until he randomly decided to start popping up behind you in the halls, asking you random questions, or telling you random things about yourself, then the second Flash showed up, he shuts up, and leaves. It was weird, and you didn’t think much of it. You had even told Flash about it, which he wanted to kick Peter's ass, but you easily made him drop the situation, deciding it would be best to ignore it.

“Yea…” His voice goes quiet, and you know Flash is nearby.

“Hey baby…” Flash wraps his arm around your waist and presses a kiss to your forehead. “Hey loser.” He nods towards Peter, who offers him a half-witted smile and nod.

“Sup Flash.” He shuffles awkwardly on his feet. “I’ll uh… I’ll catch you later Y/N, nice seeing you.” Peter turns, walking in the opposite direction from the exit.

“He’s so weird.”

“Hey don’t mean!” You smack his arm jokingly, his arm moving to go around your shoulders and press another kiss to your head.

“What? I’m not wrong. You know he’s fucking weird. He follows you everywhere you go.”

“I know… I think he’s just lonely.” You shrug, walking out the door as he holds it open for you.

“I’m still taking you home right?”

“Yes Flashy.”

“And date night tomorrow?”

“Of course.”

Well shit… You groan, rolling onto your back, letting the outfit you had planned for tonight fall onto the ground for you to pick up later.

It didn’t bother you much that he cancelled the date the first time. Then there was a second time, then a third, and this was the fourth time. You were starting to get annoyed. It was a different excuse every time. There was first studying for an exam, he didn’t even show up to school the next day for the exam, then there was his dad in the hospital for breaking his arm, the next day you saw pictures on his facebook of him playing golf, last time is was his car broke down, and he didn’t want you driving because your car was in the shop, and now this.

Of course, you didn’t believe him. His mother always got back from work at 7PM, and the date was planned for 8. Also, you knew there was Saturday school today because your bestfriends little brother went there every Saturday. You are honestly debating just ending the relationship.

But he’s so sweet. You think to yourself, turning onto your side and hugging a pillow as you keep yourself from crying over some stupid boy. You’d been with him for three years now, and he wasn’t such a jerk in the beginning.

When you first started dating, he would show up randomly at your house while you were in your pyjamas and minion slippers eating pizza for breakfast, a beautiful set of flowers in his hands, a new one every week to replace the old ones. Now he doesn’t even buy you water. You knew something was up when he stopped throwing his arm over your shoulders in public. He’s only been doing it since Peter has been hanging around you.

Peter.

God he was annoying. Where did he even come from? You were just chilling in the halls looking through your locker like it was a fridge and some random snack would eventually appear, then he was there, with that stupid smile on his face that made him look like the most innocent puppy, the most adorable stupid smile, and all he said was ‘hi.’ before awkwardly walking away, you could swear he was sweating bullets.

You knew he liked you. He couldn’t possibly make it more obvious. With his daily goodmorning texts that you’ve only responded to about 3 times in the past two months, and nightly goodnight texts, and the three times a week good afternoon text when he wakes up late. You haven’t even put his name as a contact in your phone, you know that would only piss off Flash when he does his weekly “Do you have any boys in your contacts?” check every Monday.

Wow.

You lie there, staring at the wall.

How stupid were you? You were in one of the most toxic and un-trustworthy relationships possible and you’re only just now noticing it?

You put your all into Flash, making sure he was okay every second of the day, always the one planning days out. You were even expected to pay for the dinner tonight. Stupid considering he was the rich one in a big house.

You pick up your phone to check his location, he was home, and his little brother was at school. His parents were working.

You sigh. His little brother is at school. A bing comes from your phone, your friends name popping up as a notification: Hey, still going out with Flash tonight?

You toss your phone to the foot of the bed and sit up, not caring when it bounces off the mattress and falls to the floor and under the bed. That piece of shit. He was cheating on you. It was obvious, and you’ve deflected that thought a thousand times, you’ve never wanted to believe it, so hearing it was enough for the waterworks to break, thanking God you were home alone so you could cry as loud as you want, which you do.

Leaning back against your headboard, your hands move to your eyes as tears begin to fall down your cheeks, an occasional sob coming from your throat as you stand up. You were so fucking done. You take some jewellery from your desk, necklaces and bracelets he had bought you when you first started dating, and you throw it into a bag, then you storm over to your wardrobe and you find two hoodies that you had borrowed from you, tossing those next to the little plastic bag, your tears still falling from your eyes and clouding your vision as you curse profanities and complain about what’s happened. Then you freeze.

Your parents weren’t supposed to be home, but the sound of the floor creaking just outside of your room has your heart stopped. You were never a fan of being home alone, making every little sound scare the shit out of you.

But this wasn’t just a little sound. It was the creak of the floor, just a few inches from your door on the right most piece of wood that had made the sound, and that only happens when it’s been walked on. So yea, you were scared, and confused. Someone was outside your door.

“Layla?” You shout out, thinking maybe your sister got home from school early, but there’s no response. “Mom…?” Your voice begins shaking, and you reach back inside of your wardrobe, gripping the neck of a metal bat before approaching your door. “Is that you Hank?” You call another name, your dog's name, then your heart skips as you head quick heavy steps running down the hallway, and back down the stairs. “Alexa, lock the front door!” You shout, not sure why. You want them to leave, but you just lock the door and you dart down the stairs, following the sound of your dogs growling. You turn the corner and there Hank was, his hair standing on his back and his ears pinned to the back of his head. He was a big dog, a German Shepherd with a damned strong bite force. Something your moms ex found out the hard way. But Hank wouldn’t attack without a command, so he stood there, blocking the exit as he stared up and the man dressed in all black, a hoodie over his head. “Who are you?” You shout, gripping the bat harder as you prepare to help your dog fuck this dude up.

“I uh… I don’t want any trouble. I tried knocking but you didn’t answer, and the door was unlocked.” It was true, your mom never locked the door behind her when she left to work.

“So you think it’s okay to just walk in?” Your voice is stern, and you approach him, his eyes landing on your bat “Hank, go lie down, good boy.” You tell your dog, and he hides his teeth before leaving the door, giving the man a little side eye before walking away.

“I don’t want any trouble, I was just worried…” His voice cracks mid sentence, and you swear you recognised the voice. “P-Peter…?” He’s silent as he drops his hands and stares at you. He looks back at where your dog was standing before removing his hoodie. “What the fuck are you doing in my house?” You shout as he walks towards you.

“You weren’t answering me texts, and they weren’t going through. I was worried.”

“So you come into my home uninvited?” He doesn’t say anything again, and his eyes drift down to the metal bat in your hand, which you keep a nice grip on.

“I’m sorry…”

“Get out.” You tell him, pointing towards the door he came in through.

“I just wanted to talk.”

“Well I don’t, get out.”

“I have a gift for you.” Of course he did.

“Look, I get you’re trying to be friendly, but I have a boyfriend, Peter.”

“No, you don’t.” His voice lowers, almost sinisterly as he approaches you, a little too close for comfort as you take a single step back. “Can we go to your room? Your dog is…” He turns around, his eyes landing on the dog who’s cautiously watching him. “A little paranoid.”

You think about it for a moment before sighing. What harm could he possibly do? You wonder, then turn towards the stairs as you lead him up to your room, the rightmost piece of wood creaking under your weight, and he closes the door behind him for you.

“What’s in it?”

“It’s a surprise, but do you have a restroom I could use first?” He asks, and you look him up and down, not sure you trusted him enough to even use his restroom, and you notice his gloves.

“Yea, it's over there.” You nod your head towards a closed door in your room, and he goes into it quickly after he places the box with a little pink bow on your desk.

What could he have possibly gotten you? You trail your fingers over the little pink bow on the white box, and curiosity gets the best of you, your index finger and thumb pulling open the bow, and then you open the box. The item inside is covered by black feathers, so you push them aside, and the second your eyes catch what's in the box, you’re horrified. An immediate sick feeling bubbling up through your stomach as you cover your mouth and involuntarily gag. That was a fucking finger. You tell yourself, sickened, but it wasn’t the worst part. The promise ring on the finger was Flashes. It was a little cold band, adorned with a little pink heart, and cute diamonds curling around the band itself. You had the same one on your ring finger.

You had to get the fuck out of there. You tell yourself, but your hand pauses just before you touch the door handle, which was covered in some sort of white shit. Spider webs? You tilt your head in question. Your phone. Where was your phone? You quickly make your way to your bed, tossing the sheets around in search of your phone, then the bathroom door opens. Peter stepped out, his hoodie off in place of a grey shirt you’ve seen him wear often, but it never had the dark stains on the front that it did now, and his presence immediately makes you back away from your bed, and to the other side of the room to create distance.

“I said it was a surprise.” He sighs, tossing his hoodie to the floor before reaching up and removing his shirt, leaving his chest naked. He was fucking built.

“You need to leave, Peter.” Your voice shakes, but it’s confident.

“Come on now, he was cheating on you. He deserved it.” His voice lowers as he stalks towards you, only stopping when your back hits a wall. You hear your phone buzz, and behind him you see the screen light up with a text from under your bed. You had dropped it earlier.

“Peter-”

“Shh…” He shushes you, pushing his lower body against you, still dressed in your pyjamas. “You deserve so much better than him.”

“Peter, leave. Now.” You whisper, your intent was to shout, but you can’t seem to with his proximity. It made you nervous.

“I just wanna touch you…” He tells you, one of his hands reaching to gently touch your waist.

“This is your last warning.” He chuckles, he thinks you’re joking. Fine. You tell yourself. I warned you. Your knee comes up, striking him in his stomach and he groans and curls over in pain as you rush over to your bed, your fingers an inch away before some sort of white string, the same on the handle of your door, shoots out and grabs your phone, looking back, it was now in his hand, the little white web connected to it.

“I tried to do this the easy way.” He squeezes your phone, and it crushes in his hands. “But I’m done waiting.” He growls, moving back towards you as you try to crawl away, but he grabs your ankles and yanks you back before reaching down and pulling you up by your hair. “You don’t want to behave? Fine.” He tosses you onto the bed, moving you and manhandling you with his strength as he moves you to take off your shorts and top, leaving you in your red lace set. “See how pretty you are? Fuck.” He groans a little before bending down, leaning to lick a place between your thighs.

“Peter!” You shout, attempting to back away, but his grip moves to tighten on your waist.

“Just stay still…” His voice shakes with urgency, “I need to have you, I can’t wait any fucking longer…” He groans, pulling you close and forcing you to wrap your legs around his waist before pushing his lips to yours, your hands instinctively pushing him away, but his hand just moves up, wrapping around your throat to keep you close, and you continue batting at him, but he seems locked onto you. “Stop fucking fighting me…” His voice shakes more, he’s desperate, you realise as he starts to hump you, your centre still covered by your thin lace panties, you hated to admit it, but it was turning you on. “Take these off…” He demands, but begins to do it himself, leaning back to hook his fingers through the lace of your panties before tugging them down your thighs, your hands swatting at him the entire time. “That's enough…” He growls, lifting you by your thighs as he throws you further back onto the bed, then he grabs your wrists and pins them against the bed frame.

“Fuck- Peter-!” Suddenly, your mouth is covered by more of the webbing as it shoots from a device on his wrist, then your wrists are also covered by the thick webbing, making it impossible to move your arms at all.

“Just stay still… We both need this.” You groan, the sound stifled by the webbing on your face. “You’ll love me when you feel how much better I am than him…” He reaches down and undoes his jeans, the sound of his zipper seeming to cloud your head before he slides the jeans down with his boxers, his cock springing free from it’s confinement, and he gives it a few strokes before inching closer to you, the sound behind the webbing on your face becoming more desperate. “God girl, staying so still…” He presses a kiss to your head as he lines his cock up with your pussy, seemingly admiring it as he strokes his dick. “Such a pretty pussy…” He whispers against your ear, then he slowly begins to slide his cock inside of you, not wasting any time in pumping in and out of you as he fills you perfectly. “Feels so good…” He groans, but it turns into a moan as you feel him already leaking inside of you. That was fast. You look him in the eyes as he pulls out faster than he’d gotten inside of you, his eyes meeting yours. “Fuck I’m sorry… You just feel so fucking good…” He groans, leaning down to press kisses to your throat and down your collar bone, and you’re frozen in fear, and in second hand embarrassment.

He reaches up, and tears the string off of your mouth, a whine coming from your lips as it painfully pulls on your skin, and you part your lips, short breaths leaving your throat as you sit with him between your legs, not sure what to do.

“I’m sorry baby I-”

“Get the fuck off of me…”

“Don’t talk to me like that…” He warns, pulling his pants back up with his boxers before reaching into his back pocket.

“I said get the fuck off of me Peter-” Your voice catches in your breath as he holds two little capsules in his hands, tearing one of the plastic things open with his teeth before attaching the needle to the bottle in his other hand.

Oh shit, oh shit.

“Won’t be such a smart mouth after this, will you?” He takes the lid off the needle with his teeth, then sticks it into the side of your neck, making you yelp, and of everything that’s happened today, that had to be the worst part.

 You fucking hated needles.

[mrs-starkgaryen]

Meet me at the Corner (Shop) teaser

Modern! Aegon Targaryen x Reader

Teaser 2, Teaser 3

✍️ (My other writings) ✍️

You keep meeting a certain silver-haired man at the local corner shop and whilst you only came in for a snack, you leave with a whole lot more.

Warnings: Will post more with the whole ones-shot later, but for now- Rude Aegon, British corner shop life, missing punctuation and grammar, probably

A/N: This is my first fanfic. I don't know why I wrote this, I just wanted to get me started. THERE IS MORE TO COME TO THIS ONE-SHOT IF PEOPLE LIKE IT (or even if they don't)!

I just love my man, Aegon, and you know what they say- if there isn't a fanfic you want, write it yourself so tada!

Please like, reblog and leave constructive comments (or any) :D

The bell dinged when I pushed open the heavy door, announcing my entrance to the shop’s inhabitants. I hated the thing. I’d rather slink in, grab what I want and leave, like a snake slithering in the long blades of grass, pouncing on its prey and disappearing. But now, I had to endure walking around the shop as the only cashier available had his eyes fixed on my movements.

He was an older man, probably mid-fifties, greying hair and even though he was always behind the till, he had a noticeable belly, like a balloon shoved underneath his shirt. There is nothing outwardly wrong with him but he always makes me feel uncomfortable, from how he would watch me wonder or judge me for what I buy. The latter probably wasn’t true and the former… well the former was probably him watching for shoplifters- which I don’t blame him for. Corner shops were prime targets for theft.

As the embarrassment of the bell’s acknowledgment evaporated, I make myself look up begrudgingly to him, to acknowledge my arrival with a nod or a smile. But upon looking at the man behind the till, instead of the sides of my mouth lifting upwards, they went down. For in the place of the typical man, was a much younger one. He had scruffy hair in the shade of ice dripping down his head and sported snow-sprinkled stubble which he was scratching absent-mindedly as he scrolled on his phone.

He was leaning over the counter as I made my way past the magazine section next to the door but he must have been too engrossed in whatever was on his screen for he didn’t once look up at me. I was grateful for it but it was odd, coming into a corner shop and not being watched. With this new revelation in mind, I made my way around the aisles, looking for the items that I came in for: cookies, a Cadbury bar, a bag of Doritos, a can of Monster and a milkshake. I was planning on watching the new season of my favourite TV series in its entirety tonight and I was planning on having a good time. I navigated the thin aisles, trying not to bump into the products that hung off the shelves, adding the necessary items to the growing pile in my arms.

Trying to balance the unknown brand of cookies on top, I position myself to hold the items better with this new addition. However, the packet falls to the floor with a crunch and I wince at the sound interrupting the silence of the shop. Heat blooms in my cheeks as I peer over the pile of food to the cookies on the ground before tentatively turning my eyes to the man behind the till to see if he noticed. Oh man, oh man. He is going to think I’m a pig who can’t resist all these snacks

Fortunately, the man was still flicking through his phone and not paying attention to the happenings of the shop that he oversaw. A brief idea of me just walking out with the items flashed through my mind but I banished it away, heading my way towards the cashier. I stood in front of him, waiting for him to notice that he had a customer.

But the white-haired man seemed intent on pretending he was not here, and that was something we had in common. I started to wish the creepy older man was back. At least he was aware of the people in the shop. My arms were beginning to ache, so I had to break the silence we both were unwillingly in; I let out a small cough.

His eyes flick up from the screen and land on me. He rolls his eyes and slowly puts his phone in the back pocket of his jeans. He wasn’t wearing uniform, but instead a short-sleeved checkered shirt that was open to reveal a t-shirt with a quote on, underneath. I tried to get a glimpse but after reading the top three words, ‘Sorry I’m late,’ he moved to cross his arms, blocking the rest of the words. He waited for me to put my items on the till.

Noticing his disgruntled face, I smile shyly as I empty my arms. “Hi. Just these please.”

He grabs the items and starts to scan. Beep, beep, beep. I stand there, swaying on the soles of my feet as I waited. He places the stuff in a blue-lined bag and places it in front of me. Then we go back to the silence, staring at each other. Why is he staring at me? My eyes start to look around, trying to avoid his intense gaze, especially as his eyes are a weird colour, like an amethyst cracked open, gems being disrupted from their rocky slumber.

Nervously, I flicker back to his shirt. ‘Sorry I’m late- my alarm didn’t go off. Because I didn’t turn it on. Because I didn’t want to be here.’ A puff of unwanted laughter escapes my mouth; the shirt is appropriate for the man in front of me. Who was still staring at me.

Maybe he was waiting for me to say something. I open my mouth, “So how- “

“Do you want the cookies or not?”

“Huh?”

He nods towards the pack that I dropped on the floor earlier, the ones that I forgot to pick up. “Oh,” I rush back to grab them and plonk them on the till, smiling, “Yes please, wouldn’t be a movie night without them.”

The man doesn’t say anything to attest if that was true but scanned the biscuits and shoved them into the bag with the rest. Not talkative, I see.

“£5.48.”

I nod, pulling out my purse, searching for the change. 25p, 32p, 46p. Oh for the love of- the one time you need to be drowning in copper coins-

Realising that I am delaying this man returning to his favourite pastime, I start to panic. “Sorry” I say.

Oh, he isn’t going to like me. I need 2p, where is it? I finally find one stuck in the crevices of my purse, I pull it out. Huzzah! I happily extend my clenched fist over his, “I knew I had it.”

I drop the money and wait for him to count it. He nods and hands the bag over to me, before pulling his phone back out. I take it business was done.

I shuffle on my feet, eager to patch up the bad taste I must have left in his mouth, “Thank you!”

He doesn’t respond, I fidget with the plastic straps, “Sorry about the wait,” I realise he still hasn’t moved from watching his phone. Well, okay then… I head for the door, tugging it open with my free hand. Before I exit into the cold night, I look back but he’s still not looking, I stretch out one more olive branch, “Have a good night.”

He was as stoic as ever. I huff and let the door close between us. As I trudge home, I ponder about the weird man and for once, I start to hope that I’ll see the old one the next time I go into The Hightower corner shop.

More to come (only a few thousand words left)

[theyhavetakenovermylife]

Hi!! I loved your post about Leo's sons sneaking out lol! I'd love to see how the other brothers would react to their kids!!

Children Of Raphael (Fluff)

Bayverse!Raphael x reader

A/N: My nap did wonders, and I managed to write this! Anyway, I’m glad you liked it❤️ This time it’s Raph’s turn! Joan, Minerva and Ragnar out trouble making behind you and Raph’s backs❤️

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Warnings: Spelling, you and Raphael’s kids being sneaky and cute❤️

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It had been Joan and Minerva’s idea, because of course it had. Who else would come with an idea that surely their mother and father wouldn’t like. And little unsure Ragnar did not like what he overheard his sisters talk about. They would go topside without their father and mother knowing, and see the city of New York for themselves, and maybe even get some pizza. Something you and Raph’s two oldest kids always had wanted to do. But not your youngest. He was so young and did not like it. The thought of his sisters leaving the lair without his parent’s knowledge, made him jump uneasily on the spot. To 6 year old Ragnar, everything outside the lair was big and dangerous, and therefore the world above was a scary place. But his sisters had made their minds up. They were leaving tonight when you and Raph had gone to bed, whether or not Ragnar was coming along.

So that night, after Raph had gone out on patrol and you had tucked Ragnar into bed and kissed him goodnight, the young boy did something he never had done before. He changed the time on his alarm clock, just like he had heard his sisters say that they would do. And just to be sure, he added an extra alarm, should he accidentally sleep over the first one.

A few hours later, Ragner woke up to the sound of his first alarm, quickly turning it off before you would be able to hear it. He quickly gets into his clothes, before hurrying out into the big open living area, where both Joan and Mini stood, waiting just to see if their little brother would come along.

“Great”, 13 year Joan said, uncrossing her arms and letting them rest on her hips. “Now that we’re all here, let’s go”.

Mini jumped with a smile at her sister’s words, skipping towards the exit. But Ragnar on the other hand, still wasn’t too sure about their plan.

“I still don’t know if it’s a good idea”, Ragnar said, playing with the hem of his oversized sweatshirt.

Joan sighed loudly and frustrated, exercising her oldest sibling's power to the fullest. “Did you just wake up only to tell us that?”

“No…”, the small boy muttered.

“Then shut it, and let’s go”, she said, turning towards the exit. But Ragnar did not shut it, like his sister had told him to.

“But what if mom and dad notice we’re gone?...”

“You see this?”, Joan said, turning towards her little brother in a sharp swing, one hand in the air, moving like a mouth, the other pointing to the moving hand. “This is your mouth, and it keeps jabbering. Now shut up and get moving, or keep it jabbering and stay here”.

Joan turned and started walking toward the exit once more. Ragnar placed his hands on his hips, crossed his eyes, and moved his lips in an animated way, mucking his big sister’s words. Mini saw this and giggled.

“You coming?”, Mini asked, reaching out a hand. Ragnar nodded at her, still somewhat unsure of the whole situation. So his took his sister’s hand and followed Joan out of the exit, finding her waiting with a soft smile just beyond the doorway. Sure, she could be harsh on her siblings sometimes, but she would always come around, making sure that they were okay.

The three half human, half turtle kids wandered through the tunnels of the sewer, following the path their father had taken so many times, before he had the uncles would start their patrol. Mini led the way, remembering the route for all the times you had brought her to wave goodbye to Raph, hoping that it would calm her childhood temper tantrums down whenever Raph left.

Ragnar now clung to the arm of Joan, watching every shadow around him with worried eyes. In his young mind, they all looked like monsters lurking in the shadows, ready to jump at them at a moment's notice. Ragnar thought of his father taking this route to the topside almost everyday, and how brave he had to be to do so. There was no doubt in Ragnar’s mind. His dad was one of the bravest men alive.

Finally, the three kids of you and Raphael came to the ladder that led to the world above. To Ragnar, it had seemed like several hours through the dark sewers, but in actuality, it may have taken less than a few minutes. But with all those shadows and monsters that continuously caught Ragnar’s attention, it felt like forever.

“It is this way", Mini said, pointing up the ladder. “I’ve seen dad go this way each time”.

Ragnar stared up the ladder, feeling a new fear wash over him. “That’s a long way up”, he said, mouth agape.

“It’s not that far”, Joan said, sending her brother over to Mini, before grabbing a hold on the ladder steps in order to start climbing.

As Joan climbed to the top of the ladder, pushing the cover of the manhole off, Ragnar stood uneasily and looked around. It was like watching something he wasn’t allowed to see. And even as Mini wrapped an arm around him, he still didn't feel fully safe.

Once the cover was off, Joan called down to Mini, asking her to send Ragnar up first, not wishing for him to be alone in the sewer. Though Joan sometimes found her siblings to be whiny, she did not like to make them feel more unsafe than necessary, which was the reason why she stood over the hole, smiling at Ragnar as he made his way upwards, Mini following closely behind.

Once at the surface, Ragnar looked around with wide eyes. He had never been in an alleyway before, nor had he ever heard the constant noise of the city at night. The blaring sirens somewhere beyond the low rise apartment buildings, and the occasional hunk of a car horn. For a moment Ragnar wondered if this was how his father felt whenever he crawled to the surface, in order to help the NYPD catch the many criminals Ragnar so often heard about. But it was the thought of his father that suddenly caused the boy to look around in fear.

“What if dad sees us?”, Ragnar asked as Joan pulled the cover back over the manhole.

“He’s on patrol for the next few hours”, Joan said, dusting off her hands. “The city is big, so the chances of him being around are less than small. We will be home before him and before mom wakes up. They won’t notice a thing”.

“But dad is a policeman”, Ragnar muttered. “He will notice”.

“Dad is not a policeman”, Mini said, giving Ragnar a sudden nuggie over his bald head. “He’s a ninja. That’s different”.

“Doesn’t matter”, Joan said. “We’re not here to discuss dad’s profession but to see the city. Come on!”

The three kids hurried to the mouth of the alley, watching the street from a hiding spot in the shadows. They watched people walk up and down the street. Business men and women on their phones, walking with hurried steps, stressed over the conversation about money. Teenagers was laughing on the street corner, and a couple stood under the street light with their arms around each other. Mini wondered if that was what you and Raph used to do before you had kids. Just standing out in the open or on the roof with your arms around each other, looking deeply into each other.

“Where do you think dad is?”, Mini suddenly asked, looking up towards the roof at the thought of you and him in your young years.

“Right here”.

Joan almost pushed over a trash can at the sound of her father’s voice. Mini felt her soul leave her body and a shiver run down her spine. But Ragnar felt relief, running to his father with his arms open, hugging the lower half of his torso, even if Raph looked furious.

“Daddy!”, the young boy shrieked, hiding his face against Raph’s hip. Raph placed a hand on his son’s head in a comforting gesture, but his expression did not change, his other hand on his hip.

“How did you know we were out?”, Joan asked almost in disbelief.

“Your mother texted me”, Raph said. “Someone forgot to turn off their second alarm. It kept beeping until she went in to turn it off”.

Ragnar’s eyes widened. He looked up to find his father looking down at him, his sisters realizing what Raph had just said. The sound of Joan’s facepalm echoed in the alley.

“Ups”, Ragnar smiled sheepishly.

“Ups indeed”, Raph said.

Mini moved some dirt on the pavement with her foot, playing nervously with her hands. “Are we in trouble, dad?”

“Oh, yes you are”, Raph said. “All of you are grounded”.

Mini and Joan complained loudly, asking their father if he was serious. Ragnar, still too young to feel or understand the frustration of being grounded, continued to bury his face against Raph, a content smile spreading over his face.

“No complaining. Masks, now”, Raph said, holding out his hand. With a sigh the girls relented, handing their bandanas to their father. Ragnar, who was still glued to Raph’s side, did not fight nor complain when Raph took his bandana off.

Lifting Ragnar up in his arms, letting the boy hug him around his neck, Raph went to the manhole and pulled over the cover with one hand, turning to the two girls as he pointed down the black hole with a snap of his fingers. “Lair”, he said, watching as Joan and Mini dragged themselves towards the ladder, knowing fully well that you were waiting back home. Ragnar on the other hand was happy. He was going home to his mother while being carried in his father’s arms, and nothing bad had happened. At least nothing bad in Ragnar’s eyes.

[luvonmes-blog]

slow

just, slow down.

warnings/labels - MDNI!!, decided to switch the narrative of a guy actually taking women into consideration (omg!! men who care😱) and decided gojo needs a lil love aka, reader takes gojo into consideration, fem! reader, fluffy smut, pnv, pwp, lil bit of nipple play (i wholeheartedly believe gojo has sensitive nipples, fight the wall), gojos in love, reader shows him how to love (fuck) her.

authors note - you know when people post and say “this was supposed to be a drabble but i got carried away” i always questioned if they were serious or not but now?? i understand. i’m so in love with the idea of being in love

————————————————————————

when gojo first met you, he didn’t think anything would come of it. he just assumed you’d be another colleague of his but you quickly proved him wrong.

it started with quick, shy glances. those quickly because fleeting touches which would burn his skin and leave a mark ingrained in his brain of where you placed your hand. looks became less shy, touches became more certain and then you asked him out. you asked him out and that day he knew he was hooked. the moment he kissed you, he knew he was going nowhere, his brain already planning your future together. your lips met and he wanted to devour you but before he could go any further you pulled back and murmured something about taking it slow.

“d- did you not like it?” he asked nervously, face burning red.

“no, satoru.” you laughed and his face paled. “i liked it i promise but could we slow it down?” it came out as a question and he was confused on what you meant.

“slow it down?” he repeated, trying to understand what you meant.

“yeah, like…” you didn’t finish your sentence instead leaning in and pressing your lips against his. he let you take the lead, wanting to see what you meant. and he finally understood. your lips moved slowly against his, parting just a bit and breathing him in. you meant slow literally and gojo likes this more. he was used to being rushed, everyone around him expecting him to do any and everything quickly but you didn’t. you let him do things on his own terms and now he was doing them on yours. slow. he was used to women rushing him, just trying to get him into their beds, lips moving hurriedly, all teeth and tongue as they stripped him.

but you, you took your time. when you parted your lips enough to slip your tongue into his mouth, he groaned. your hands trailed down his abdomen and met his, moving them from the harsh grip on your hips to up your back, cradling your body and allowing him to pull you closer. the two of you now flush against each other as gojo hunched over to keep his lips against yours. you licked into his mouth moving your tongue against his, tasting him and taking whatever he’d give to you. you finally let go as you felt light headed from the lack of air and looked up to gojo. for your date tonight he opted for glasses instead of his usual blindfold, he had taken them off when you reached your door and as you stared into his beautiful blue eyes, they were sparkling.

“like that.” you finished your earlier sentence. all he could do was nod dazedly, too entranced by you to actually respond with words. “so i’m gonna go inside now…” you backed away slowly. “you’re welcome to come in if you’d like.” you added.

“god you have no idea what you do to me.” he sighed breathily so caught up in you. “but i can’t. i have um, paperwork.” his voice was raspy and breathy as he panted.

“oh, ok.” you sounded disappointed. and he grabbed you just a bit tighter before you could slip away.

“please don’t think i’m shooting you down.” he was quick to explain himself. “trust me, there is nothing i’d like to do more than come in there with you but if i’m late on my assignments one more time, yaga will be on my ass.” he clarified.

“satoru, you’re fine.” you smiled at him. “i understand, i don’t want you any later on more work than you already are. we can just continue this another time.” you smiled at him. he went in for another kiss and as your lips met you let out a satisfied hum.

“another time.” he agreed. he watched you enter your apartment and then made his way back to his car, when he finally took a seat and looked down, it was exactly as he thought. there he was, sporting a semi in his slacks and he wanted nothing more in the world than to go back to your apartment and ravish you. but he had already promised, another time.

- - -

for a while gojo wasn’t sure another time would happen. curses had been popping up more and more out of nowhere and when he finally got to the bottom of it, it was weeks later and he was scared you wouldn’t be interested in him anymore. but after you reassured him you still wanted to go out with him and understood how important work is he finally got you where he wanted you for weeks.

you were under him in his bed, completely bare for him. he was kissing you slowly, just as you taught him and your hands were all over him. trailing from his back to his chest and you rubbed your thumbs over his nipples jokingly but he had whined into your mouth and you laughed. giggles escaping your mouth and flowing into his. he pulled back to look at you with one of his eyebrows raised. “you like that?” you questioned.

“lil’ bit.” he murmured, his face completely red from you finding out he has sensitive nipples. you laughed some more before gripping his hair and pulling him back down to you.

“you don’t have to be embarrassed, i like that you let me touch you, let me figure out what makes you squirm.” you brought his lips back to yours and bucked your hips, his cock soaked in your wetness gliding against your heat and he moaned. he reached over to his nightstand, searching for a condom, pulling back from your lips to look at what he was doing. he finally found the foil packet and tore it open, ready to slide the rubber onto his cock but you stopped him, taking it from him and gliding it onto him instead. he groaned, your hand moving up and down his shaft as you finally got the condom on.

“fuck. fuck, stop.” you looked up at him. “you gotta stop or i’m gonna cum.” his voice was breathless, panting as you continued to move your hand.

“what if i want you to?” you challenged. he shook his head.

“can’t.” he grit his teeth. “fuck, i can’t. when i cum, i wanna be inside you. and it’d be a waste of a condom.” he laughed, you finally took your hand off him and he sighed. he lined his tip up with your entrance, circling it, smearing your slick over the condom and your pussy lips. your hole was clenching around nothing as he teased you.

“please ‘toru. don’t tease me.” you pouted at him and he thought that if you kept looking at him like that, he’d give you the world. he finally pushed in, stretching you open and settling so deep within you. you moaned in bliss as he buried himself to the hilt, pressing against all the spots that made you squirm. he choked on a groan when he finally settled all the way in, you’re so warm and he had to stop moving or he’d be damned to cum too early. he gave you time to adjust to his girth and length and for himself, staving off his orgasm. “you can move now, ‘toru.”

“fuck, just give me a second, please baby, just a second.” he moaned into your neck. you simply rubbed his back as he pressed his entire body flush against yours. he finally felt he was in the clear as the orgasm settled. he sat up, resting his arms beside your head and he started moving, setting a quick rhythmic pace. your nails dug into his lower stomach and he whined, face falling back into your neck.

“‘toru, ‘toru, slow down.” you sighed out, tits bouncing up and down from how fast he was going. he pulled his head up to look into your eyes. “slow down.” you said lowly, not a command but he followed your direction anyway. “i like it slow. like when you take your time.” you told him. you moved your hands from around his neck to his hips, gripping them as you showed him how to move. “l- like that.” you stuttered as he moved at the pace you enjoyed. your back arched, chest pressing against him as his cock rubbed against your walls. your moans were so soft and gentle in his ears. with the way you’re guiding his hips and how slow he’s moving he can really feel you and while he’s used to the fast pace of sex this is different. good different.

every time he pulls out and pushes back in he can feel you clenching around him, every twitch and clench of your pussy, he can feel and it has his head reeling. he’s never felt this good and he can feel his orgasm building again. his stomach is clenching and his hips are twitching with his every movement. your moans spur on his own and he’s whining into your ear. his hand moves to rub your clit causing your eyes to roll back and choke on a moan. “‘toru,” his name falling from your lips has a visible affect on him as he caves in on himself. “‘toru, i’m gonna cum.” your voice is high pitched, your knees locking around gojos hips as he keeps pressing into your sweet spot and rubbing your clit. your thighs are twitching and you clench so tightly around him he has to grit his teeth.

your back arches as your orgasm washes over you and you go completely silent. it takes you in waves, starting from the pit of your stomach and flowing throughout the rest of your body. your mind is completely blank, all you can see and hear is white and you don’t notice you start crying out for gojo, pulling him down into your grasp. he falls into you as your entire body trembles, shaking as you cum. your chest is heaving as you come to, body shaking as gojo keeps thrusting and rubbing your bundle of nerves. you feel his hips stutter against yours and his back tensing, he’s trying so hard to not cum yet, wanting at least one more orgasm out of you. he’s shocked he made it this far and he’s determined to keep going but you have other plans.

you grip his hair and turn yourself towards his ear nibbling at it and your other hand comes up to his chest and rubs over his nipple. you suck and bite at the skin behind his ear, the sensitive part you found earlier. your thumb and index finger tweak his nipple, pinching and twisting it. “want you to cum ‘toru. want to see how pretty you look when you cum in me.” he whines loudly into your ear. he’s trying so hard to not cum but when you play with his body they way you are and whisper in his ear so prettily, who is he to disobey you? his hips slam into yours one more time and he buries himself in you, trying to get as close as possible.

just as yours, his orgasm starts in his lower stomach but he swears he can feel it in his soul. he’s moaning and whining loudly in your ear as you continue to lick and prod at his body and he shakes. he’s stuttering over words, trying to tell you how good he feels but fails, his body won’t let him. his hips are grinding into yours, grinding into your clit and his cock is twitching as he shoots his load into the condom. he cums so hard for the first time in his life since he was a teenager, he swears he’s going to pass out. you’re still pinching his nipple and biting his ear, dragging his orgasm out as rope, after rope, after rope, leak from his over sensitive tip. he’s crying now, tears falling onto the skin of your neck as he keeps cumming. there’s so much of it he fears it will leak out of the condom but is that so bad? to see his cum leak out of your clenching hole and he wishes that you would have let him go bare. he prays to god you’ll let him fuck you without a condom next time.

his body finally calms down and he falls slack on top of you, cock still twitching deep in you. he’s panting heavily, his chest finally filling with air after holding his breath for so long. you move slightly, just trying to get comfortable and he cries out. “fuck don’t move, ‘s sensitive.” he sobs, voice so high he barely recognizes himself. you freeze in your spot and murmur apologies, kissing wherever you can reach and rubbing both your hands up and down his back. he’s still shaking and you fear it won’t stop.

“satoru.” you say worriedly. “are you ok?” you’re concerned, so concerned. you hadn’t meant to harm him, you really hadn’t but now you’re afraid you had. he laughs but stops almost immediately when it causes his hips the slightest movement.

“m’ ok.” he mumbles. “jus… i’ve never cum that hard.”

“oh…” you’re surprised, to say the least. while you know gojo isn’t the most popular with girls - he’ll never actually admit it out loud but he’s too afraid to actually approach a woman, past relationships and flings were initiated by the female counterpart - you expected him to have better experiences than you. he finally pulls out, mustering enough strength from his body that feels like jelly, pulling off them condom, throwing it to where he hopes the trash can is and collapsing beside you. he falls onto his stomach and places his head on a pillow to look at you.

“are you ok?” he mumbles sleepily, he’s never usually worn out after sex but you’ve gotten to him and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

“i’m ok.” you move closer to him, resting your head on your hand that was supported by your arm and trailing your fingers up and down his back, tracing the freckles and blemishes there.

“i really like you, y’know.” you blush at his words.

“i really like you too.”

“i was being serious.” you raise an eyebrow at him, questioning what he meant. “i’ve never cum that hard. i don’t think anyone’s ever taken their time to see what i like. but you did. you always see what i’m ok with before anything. thank you.” his eyes are falling shut.

“you’re welcome.” you whisper leaning over to press a kiss into his hair, ready to turn on your other side and fall alseep but gojo wraps his arm around you and pulls you into him. tangling his body with yours before pulling his comforter over you two and passing out. you look at him and giggle. just as him, you could get used to this.

of course you two don’t always take it slow over the course of your relationship. you both have your moments when you’re begging for more, faster but gojo likes when you’re like this and he enjoys taking his time with you and slowing down.

————————————————————————

i’m in heat. (it’s ovulation week.)

[harlowsbby]

Request: jack and fiance yn get into an argument over children. Jack wants to get her pregnant, but still live his rapper life. Yn doesn't want to raise the baby alone while he tours. Jack says he understands, but yn fears Jack may become disappointed with time. Yn considers breaking-up, and Jack is heartbroken.

One last time

“I understand you want a family Jack but I also want you around I don’t want to be the only one raising a baby.” You were exhausted mentally and physically you didn’t have the energy to argue with him right now.

“I am going to be around but at the same time you need to understand my career is what’s going to be putting food in the babies mouth as well as clothes.”

You of course understood that but at the same time he was the one that begged and suggested that you quit your job and let him take care of you, which you sadly did. You didn’t mind staying home and relaxing but you missed being independent.

“I understand that Jack and I want a baby with you and to start a family but you have to look at things from my perspective.” You cried out as tears started to prickle the corner of your eyes.

Jack understood where you were coming from but at the same time he wanted to still do what he loved and had a passion for he already had people in the news and blogs saying he was some one hit wonder rapper and he so badly wanted to prove them wrong.

“So what are we going to do Y/N?” It was quiet for a few minutes the only sound coming from the clock that hung on the wall. “I just think it’s best we wait till you’re off tour and talk about this conversation again.” You shakily told him.

His jaw clenched and unclenched before he nodded. “Alright, that’s fine but I have to go to Nemo’s for a few days so I’ll see you when I get back baby.” Jack was going to Nemo’s for a bit to get things ready for tour and go over the set list and since Nemo recently moved he lived too far away to only make a day drip so spending a few nights was the only option.

“Are you upset with me?” You timidly asked him. He frowned sadly and caressed your knee and placed a soft and sweet kiss on your lips.

“I’m not mad baby girl we can talk about this when tour is over so don’t even sweat about it.” Jack always had this way of reassuring you but you just had this gut feeling that he’d be disappointed with time.

“I love you baby I’ll see you soon.” “I love you too Jack.”

____________________________________________

“I mean maybe you’re being a bit rational Y/N, I don’t think he’s ignoring you.” Your friend Mariah said as you flickered through all of Jack’s Instagram stories.

“Okay but explain how he can’t text me back but he can post on his Instagram? The math isn’t adding up at all Mariah.” You we’re beyond stress after Jack left he talked to you for a few days but eventually his answers got shorter and he stopped texting you back completely.

Now you knew he got busy and he had a tour to get ready for but a simple good morning text or a quick little voice note would do.

“I mean you’re right but doesn’t he come back home later tonight? Just confront him about it then.”

That was the thing you were thinking about breaking things off between Jack and You mainly because you felt as if you couldn’t give him what he wanted in life which was a family.

I mean there wasn’t anything wrong with you but you just had that fear of raising a child alone you wanted Jack to be there for all of the big moments, you didn’t want your child to have a absent father.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Mariah raised her left eyebrow waiting for an answer. “It’s nothing Mariah don’t worry about it.” She knew better than to question you further or keep bugging you but she knew you had something planned and it wasn’t anything good.

“Whatever you’re thinking about don’t even think about doing it.” She said. “Mariah, I just have to do what’s right for me and what I think is best for Jack.”

Mariah didn’t know much about Jack but she did know that he loved you very much and he’d do anything for you, Mariah knew you were over stressing and overthinking like always so she didn’t push the conversation any longer.

“Just promise me you won’t do anything you’ll regret.” Mariah didn’t want you to end things with Jack but she had this feeling that you might.

“I can’t promise you anything Mariah but let’s just enjoy the rest of the day.”

After you dropped off Mariah you started driving back home the entire time your mind was just flooded with Jack and what he was doing or how he was feeling. The last conversation the two of you had was about starting a family and you knew it hit a nerve for him.

Turning on the radio wasn’t helping so you tried singing along to the music but eventually just turned it off. Your anxiety was at an all time high and being with Jack and in his arms would be the only thing to heal it.

Once you arrived home you kicked and walked through the door you were greeted by your dog Charlie, going to give him some air kisses and a little belly rub is when you noticed the kitchen light was on, your eyebrows scrunched up in confusion because you could’ve swore you turned them off before you went out.

“Hello? Is anybody in there.” You mentally cursed you should’ve known better then to yell out randomly when someone could’ve been in your house with a weapon.

“Baby? Is that you.” “Jack?” When Jack came around the corner you immediately ran into him arms. “Jack I missed you so much.” He chuckled and brought his arms under your ass to help support you before leaning back onto the counter. You smiled softly and leaned into him before pressing your lips onto him, he happily returned the kiss.

You both eventually pulled away when you needed some air. “Where have you been? You haven’t been answering any of my calls or texts and your location is off.” You scolded him, Jack raised his hands in defense. “I was trying to surprise you baby but now that I’m here I think I need some much needed love and affection.”

He wiggled his eyebrows and started kissing your lips all the way down to your neck and even though you were enjoying this you also knew you had to bring up the whole baby conversation.

“Before we do that I think we need to talk.” “What’s up baby?” He smiled sweetly and it just made your heart sinker even more.

“Well I’ve been thinking about what we talked about the other day and I don’t want to be the reason as to why you don’t have the family you want and deserve.” With every word you spoke Jack’s face fell even more once the realization started to him.

“What are you trying to say Y/N?” He whispered, you couldn’t bare to look at him. You knew he was looking at you but you couldn’t bring it to yourself to look up and meet his burning gaze.

“I think I- I feel like it’s best that we maybe breakup I just don’t want to hold you back from having a family. I know how badly you want kids and I just think it’s best we end this.” Your voice cracked with every word spoken. Jack had tears of his own threatening to spill.

He wasn’t much of a cryer he didn’t want to seem weak in front of you but hearing these words coming out of your mouth was breaking his heart.

“This is what you want? And look at me Y/N.” It took you a minute but you ended up looking at him, Jack’s eyebrows were low and the once smile he had on his face earlier was replaced by a frown.

“I mean it’s not what I want but I just think you need to be with someone who will be able to give you what you want. I don’t think I can give you what you want Jack.” You whispered.

Jack didn’t do anything for a few minutes but you could tell he was thinking long and hard.

“Alright.” With that you watched how Jack took his keys and wallet and walked out the door. Once the door was slammed shut you lowered yourself to the floor and just cried, you didn’t want things to end like this but you wanted Jack to have the life he’s manifested and talked about.

While you were inside crying Jack was inside his car crying, he loved you so much but he figured the two of you just needed some much needed space for awhile at least until he cleared his mind. He put the car in reverse before driving off leaving you alone with your thoughts and the terrible decisions you just made.

taglist

@heavyhitterheaux @hoodharlow

@jackmans-poison @jackharloww

@mortirolo @awhore4moree

@a-moment-captured @itsyagirljaz

[emo-cosplayer]

What The Hell Happened?

Chapter 1: The Beginning

| Hello, this is my first ever story I'm posting here, so please let me know what y'all think! |

When Y/N first came into South Park, she could honestly care less. She was already upset at the new hairstyle, change of clothes, and change of weather—from California's hot, humid air to five inches of cold snow in Colorado. She wasn’t ready for it.

"Come on sweetie, get all your boxes out of the truck," called her mom. Stepping out of the car, Y/N feels the speedy wind hitting her round face. Her cheeks reddening at the instant touch, “Y/N put your coat on, it’s freezing,” calls her mom. She sighs, grabs her jacket, and hurriedly grabs a box to head to her room. After an hour, all the boxes were in the house, and Y/N immediately went to her room to sleep, however, her parents had other plans, “Uh, sweetie, we want you to have lots of fun here. Why don’t you go outside and make some friends?”

“Right, get outside and PLAY, son like normal kids,” her dad says skeptically. That’s when everything changes for her, years of fun, friends, wizardry, and superheroes.

It was a cold Friday afternoon when she heard a whiny shout coming from her window. “Hey Butthole, get out here!” Y/N looks out her window to look down to see Cartman yelling.

“Dude, why didn’t you just call him?” Stan questions Eric.

“Well… asshole I can do whatever I want” Eric responds with a voice crack to him. Before they could finish their argument, Y/N left her house in a huge dark green parka and black winter coveralls. “See, it worked didn’t it, come on we need to get Kyle too.”

“Dude, we can’t remember, he’s babysitting Ike tonight.”

“God Dammit, fine, we’ll just go and get Butters, come on Coon Friends.” Stan just rolls his eyes while following Cartman with Y/N right behind him. Even after three years, Cartman has to remind them both of their times together.

Knocking on Butter’s door, his dad answers with a gruff. “Butter’s your friends are at the door.” Butters runs down the stairs with his iconic huge smile. “Oh, hey there fellas, how are you guys-”

“Just fine, now look, we need to head to Casa Bonita right away!’ Eric cuts Butters off.

“What, no, we need to finish that stupid project for Miss Smith-” Stan intervenes but Cartman wasn’t having it.

“But there is something evil happening at Casa Bonita, we need to save all those burritos, tamales, and Sopaipillas! C’mon guys, don’t you care!” Silence was heard all around, which only built the fire in Cartman’s stomach. “C'mon guys, all of the food is going to be gone!”

“Why are you saying all this fatass?” Stan asks?

“They are having a free food sale, they are just giving it away like a whore!look, it’s an ad in the newspaper!” Everyone then looked at the newspaper in Cartman’s hand to see a white piece of paper with “FREE FOOD,” written in crayon.

“Dude, you just made this,”

“No, I didn’t!”

“Yes, you did, no restaurant would make this a sale, c’mon Butthole, let’s just go to my house and get this stupid project done.” Stan motions Y/N.

“Hey asshole’s, we need to go to Casa Bonita now!” However, the two just ignored Cartman’s wishes and hurriedly left to go to Stan’s house. “C’mon Butter’s, we can go by ourselves, more food for us!”

“Hurray!” Butter’s shouts with joy.

* 5 minutes later *

Y/N and Stan arrived at his house to see Randy in his underwear (as per usual) with a huge blunt in his hand. “Oh hey son, c’mere, I gotta show you something.”

“No thanks dad, me and the new kids are just gonna go upstairs to finish a project for school.”

'Y'know burps that girl has been here for three years, she isn’t new.’

“What do you mean by her?”

“Son, she’s clearly a girl, look at her boobs!”

“Ew gross dude, we're just gonna go upstairs”

“Leave that damn door open!” Stan, of course, doesn’t listen to his dad. Closing the door behind him Stan immediately stared at Y/N in her eyes.

“New Kid, you are a girl?!” She answers with a nod. “Why didn’t you say anything? I’m sorry it took so long for me to realize it, well more of my Dad saying something, but why didn’t say anything?” That’s when Y/N told all of her secrets to Stan, the years of pretending were finally over.

The next day, Y/N contacted everyone in Tolkien’s mansion, as she knew it was finally time to come clean. At first, everyone was skeptical, not believing in what she said but it all came down when the boy’s past comments came to light. However, all the girls there knew already.

Cartman: You know, you have kind of pretty hair for a boy. You better not be a hippie or something.

Jimmy: I thought feminine-looking guys went out of style in the 80’s, but the new kids pulled it off.

Clyde: You kind of have big raisins for a boy, New Kid.

Scott: I’ve never seen a boy with such soft skin, what’s your secret?

Butters: Hey, Butthole. Anyone tell you for a boy you’re kinda pretty?

Kenny: You kind of remind me of my sister—I have this weird urge to protect you.

Stan: You know, for a boy, you’re kind of feminine New Kid.

Kyle: There’s nothing wrong with a boy being feminine, be true to yourself.

That day, Y/N finally felt normal.

Senior year finally comes ahead! Y/N and Stan are outside of South Park High waiting for Craig and Kenny to get out of detention. “How in the hell are these already in detention, it’s the first fucking week, dude!” Y/N just shrugs at Stan’s comment, “like c’mon man, I’m just ready to smoke already.” She looks over to the black hair man, his gray jacket clinging to his skinny figure with ripped blue jeans and red converse. “What, you acting like you’ve never smoked before,...unless you haven’t.” Y/N just nods. “Holy shit, you should come with us, y’know my dad, he grows his own, it’s a lot of fun, I promise.” She, at first, stares at Stan with discouragement. She was kinda scared to do it, but she already drank before, what could possibly go wrong. A half an hour later, Kenny races towards her.

“Hey beautiful, you gonna come over with us?” Kenny was a classic pothead, constantly reeking of weed, with bloodshot eyes, and a no-care attitude but he always cared for Y/N. He always took care of her, even when stoned, he would walk her home after any party, stay beside as she needed to vent. “C’mon, it will be so much funnnn” he longs out the n. She stares at his brown eyes, pale skin, and blond hair. She couldn’t help herself and nodded a yes.

“Sweet, cmon. Let’s head to my house, “ exclaims Stan. Y/N, happily walks beside the two, if only Y/N knew all the fun that would happen.

[tuttle-4077]

First(ish) Draft, Chapter 1 of untitled Post-War Story

I don't actually want to post this on FFN/AO3 because I don't know if it will actually go anywhere. My plan was to write the whole story and post it all at once but I did that with JOALD and it nearly killed me.

So, I'll post it here-- my nonserious place-- just to get it out in the open and if I have to rework/rewrite it, I will. This is like my sandbox, I guess. The story isn't set in stone and I can change it up whenever I want before I bring it all together for an actual story that I for reals post.

Make sense? Okay. Let's go.

May 8th, 1945

The cozy British pub was alive with the sounds of music, laughter, and general revelry. Yesterday, news of victory in Europe had spread like wildfire across the nation and, today, the whole country came together to celebrate. Kinch wouldn’t be surprised if half of said nation was in this one room alone!  Despite the cramped space, people packed into the pub, creating a bustling and lively atmosphere. As someone who usually preferred a quieter setting, he found himself surprisingly content amidst the rowdiness. After all, they had all earned this moment to let loose and enjoy themselves. It was a hard-won victory in which he liked to think Papa Bear had played a major role.

“Another round over here!” Newkirk called to no one in particular. He and the rest of their group were crowded around a table that was littered with empty bottles, mugs, and mostly untouched food.

“Less drinking, more eating!” Mavis, Newkirk’s sister, scolded. “All of you!”

“There’s enough time to eat later. Today, we celebrate!” Newkirk declared.

Mavis furrowed her brow. Ever since they had arrived in England two weeks ago, she had been harping on all of them to eat. She had been positively relentless. Kinch didn’t blame her; they were all in terrible shape. The last few months of the war had taken their toll on them. Drops from London had all but stopped, forcing them to rely on the Germans and LeBeau’s pantry– which was hardly sufficient to keep all the prisoners in tip-top shape. As a result, they had all lost weight. Although, honestly, the lack of food had been the least of their worries near the end.

Either way, they all were still supposed to be in hospital. Hogan must have either pulled some strings or bullied someone to let them out for tonight. LeBeau and Kinch, though underweight and exhausted, had made it back to England relatively unscathed. The colonel, on the other hand, was still fighting off the vestiges of pneumonia. As for Carter and Newkirk, Kinch thought that they should still be in bed for another week or two, national celebration be damned.

All in all, Mavis’ concerns were warranted.

“Newkirk, listen to your sister,” Hogan scolded.

“Yeah, eat something,” Carter added. 

Newkirk offered a salute with his bandaged and splinted hand. “Sirs, yes sirs.”

Carter rolled his eyes and Kinch hid a smile. Carter had recently gotten his lieutenant’s bar back. It afforded him a level of respect which had been forgotten in camp, and he didn’t seem to be enjoying it too much.

“Oh, Mavis, please, do not make him eat,” LeBeau pleaded as he reached over and took Mavis’ hand. “He is no longer used to your English gruel after all my delicious French cooking.”

Mavis smirked. “I have some letters to show you about that French cooking of yours, mate.”

“Oh, tell me about them now, ma chérie.” With her hand still in his, LeBeau stood and led Mavis onto the dance floor.

“Better be careful,” Hogan said to Newkirk, jerking his thumb towards them. “He’s liable to fall in love with her and then you’ll never get rid of him.”

Newkirk laughed. “If he can convince her to fall in love with him, then he deserves her. But I’m not worried; she’s far too clever for that.”

“Let’s hope so!” Hogan laughed.

Beside Kinch, Carter checked his watch. “It’s barely past 1900 hours and I’m already beat.”

“Beat, or drunk?” Newkirk asked.

Carter tilted his head to consider the question. “Both.”

In a familiar gesture, Kinch clapped him on the shoulder to shake him, but the action made Carter flinch and hiss. Kinch quickly removed his hand. “Sorry,” he quickly apologized.

Carter rolled his shoulder and reached under his coat with his good hand to readjust his injured arm. “S’okay.”

“I was going to say, you gotta at least make it to roll call, Lieutenant. One more hour. We can make it that long and then maybe I’ll join you.” 

Hogan tsked. “You’re both slowing down. We’d just be getting to business about now back in camp.”

“Come to think of it,” Carter said, “we’re an hour behind here. So it already is time for roll call.”

“This is no time to be sleepy, Andrew!” Newkirk exclaimed. His exuberance forced him into a cough. He cleared his throat and continued without tempering his enthusiasm. “We’re celebrating! Mavis! Mavis come here, luv!” Over on the dance floor, Mavis untangled herself from LeBeau’s grasp and made her way to the table. As for LeBeau, he smoothly swept a new partner into his arms. “Mavis, take Andrew onto the dance floor and liven him up a bit, would you?”

“Whew, I think I may need an extra dance card tonight,” Mavis laughed. She took Carter’s hand. “Come on then, Lieutenant.”

“Oh, you can call me Carter. Or Andrew, I guess. Andy?”

Mavis gave him an amused smile. “Come on, Andrew.” She pulled him from his seat and together they disappeared into the crowd.

The three men left at the table leaned back in their chairs. A server came over with more drinks and dropped them off. Kinch grabbed a mug of dark, warm beer and took a sip. “VE-day. I gotta admit, there were times I didn’t think this day would come.”

Hogan let out a long, tired sigh and scrubbed his face. “You and me both, Kinch.” He brought his mug up and Kinch clinked his own against it.

“Count me in for that,” Newkirk said, awkwardly bringing his own mug into the toast. “Bloody hell, even if I thought it would come, I didn’t think I’d see it. I thought for sure we were going to cark it at the end there.” Newkirk’s face darkened.

“Hey, hey.” Hogan reached across the table and grabbed Newkirk’s arm. “Not now.”

Newkirk nodded and gulped down his beer. Kinch slowly took a sip of his own.

With everything falling down around him and time running out, Major Hochstetter had still been hell-bent on finally capturing Papa Bear. And, of course, he was convinced that the man hiding behind the code-name was Hogan. In a desperate attempt to prove his theory, he had taken Newkirk and Carter out of camp for interrogation. Kinch didn’t know exactly what Hochstetter had done to them– neither would talk about it– but he had seen the aftermath. He felt a pit form in his stomach, knowing that the memories of their harrowing experience would likely haunt them for some time.

Kinch’s own thoughts darkened. That rat Hochstetter had managed to escape. Somehow, he had slipped through the cracks when the Allies had finally broken through to Hammelburg. It galled him. And he knew it made Hogan furious. Once they were discharged, or at least relieved from their active wartime obligations, Kinch had no doubt that Hogan would stop at nothing to track Hochstetter down and bring him to justice.

The music swelled and the song ended. A slow song took its place. Kinch glanced over to Mavis and Carter. Carter’s cheek was resting on Mavis’ head as they shuffled close together. Kinch quirked an eyebrow. 

“Say, I don’t think LeBeau’s the one you have to worry about, Newkirk,” Kinch said as he elbowed Newkirk and pointed.

“What?” Newkirk followed Kinch’s finger. Both eyebrows shot up. “Well, what do you know!”

“Wait.” Hogan held up a hand. A moment later, Mavis started towards them, practically dragging Carter along. She finally made it and dropped Carter into his chair. Carter’s head fell back and he let out a mighty snore.

“He fell asleep on me!” Mavis exclaimed. She looked like she wasn’t sure whether to be amused, insulted, or sympathetic.

The men burst out laughing. Carter snorted and woke up long enough to slump forward and rest his good arm on the table. He laid his head on it and went back to sleep.

“Seems a shame to waste this dance,” Hogan said. He stood and took Mavis into his arms. “My turn to put my name on that dance card of yours.” The two danced away from the table, Hogan holding Mavis close.

“He’s the one I’m worried about,” Newkirk said.

“Well, like you said, Mavis is a clever girl. She’s not going to fall for him.”

“She better not!”

Kinch chuckled and nursed his beer a little more. He swayed to the music in his chair.

Newkirk blew out a breath. “Cor, I must be slowing down too,” he said as he checked his watch. “I’m bloody knackered.”

“You can always go to bed,” Kinch told him. “I’m sure the doctors won’t complain if you headed back early.” 

“If I go to bed now, the Nazis win, mate.”

“The Nazis have already lost,” Kinch replied.

“In that case…” Newkirk rested his chin on his chest. But then he snapped awake. “Can’t do it. I’m not letting tonight go to waste, no matter how tired I am, or how happy it’ll make those doctors” He smacked his cheeks a few times with the palms of his bandaged hands, and then sucked in a breath. “I’m off to find a partner.” He stood and staggered to the bar. Kinch watched as he slid up to the closest pretty girl and soon they were dancing together.

Kinch sipped his beer and looked over at Carter, who was still snoring away. Kinch sighed and patted him on the back, gentle enough to not wake him or aggravate his still-raw injuries. Then he let his mind wander.

Tonight they could enjoy themselves. But, tomorrow, it was back to the hospital for more recuperation. And after that…

He was surprised they had been allowed to rest for as long as they had. No doubt Intelligence was champing at the bit, eager to interrogate them on every aspect of the operation. A few intelligence officers had been posted at the hospital but, as of yet, they hadn’t questioned any of them beyond how they were recovering. But their hospital wards were heavily guarded and, even now, there were guards around the pub, keeping an eye on them. Kinch supposed they were too valuable to let out of sight. It was only a matter of time until they were hauled off to London.

But there was more to his thoughts than the upcoming interrogations. Those had to end– eventually. The merriment around him reminded him that the war was over. And one day he’d be sent home. 

And then what?

He had been so consumed with survival— of just making it from one day to the next— that he hadn’t given much thought to what came after. Oh, sure, they all had their little dreams; it was what kept them sane. But now, with the future right on the horizon, those dreams seemed nothing more than illusions. Reality was quickly overtaking those dreams, and he wasn’t sure the two could co-exist.

“Thanks for the dance.” 

Kinch hadn’t realized that the colonel and Mavis were back at the table. Hogan gave Mavis a kiss on her cheek. Then he turned his attention to Kinch. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” Hogan said. 

Kinch tilted his head. “Leaving so soon?”

Hogan gave him a cryptic smile. “I’ve got someone else I need to celebrate with.”

Kinch assumed Hogan had a girl waiting for him somewhere. He wondered if their security escorts would allow any of them to go off alone with female company, but if anyone could sneak past the guards, Hogan could.

“Be safe.”

Hogan nodded. “Bye honey,” he said to Mavis. 

Mavis rolled her eyes. “Good-bye, dear,” she replied. Hogan smirked and left. Mavis took her seat at the table. “Have you eaten anything?” she asked.

Kinch laughed. “Yes.” He held up a half-eaten sandwich. Mavis eyed it skeptically.

“It doesn’t look like you’ve taken another bite since I left.” 

To satisfy her, Kinch took a big bite. He quickly swallowed it down and then took another. Mavis nodded. “Good. Now–” Mavis stood– “I believe it’s your turn for a dance.”

Kinch nearly choked. “Mine?”

“Of course.”

Kinch hesitated, suddenly very aware of his heartbeat. He knew the English weren’t as uptight about race, but dancing with a white woman still made him nervous. A buddy of his had wooed an English girl back when Kinch had first arrived in England at the start of the war. It had led to more than one confrontation with their white counterparts. And while he didn’t think he would run into any problems with the men in the pub— most of whom had been his comrades at Stalag 13— he couldn’t shake the possibility of judgement and reprisals.

Mavis either didn’t notice his hesitation, or ignored it. She grabbed his hand and led him to the floor. Turning to him, she went to put her hand on his shoulder but he stepped back. “You know how to dance, don’t you?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he mumbled.

“Well then?”

Well then…

Kinch put his arm around her waist and held her other hand. He felt her hand move to his back and he closed his eyes and imagined there was no one else there— no one else to see this social crime that, in other places, could land him in jail, or worse.

“You know, I should have known it was you,” Mavis said.

Kinch opened his eyes and looked down at her. “What?”

“I should have known it was you on the other side of the radio,” Mavis said. “Once I knew what I knew, I should have known.”

Kinch tilted his head and grinned. “Was that supposed to make sense, or are you talking in code?”

Mavis laughed. “It’s just Peter wrote about all of you all the time. He always said you were the one that kept everyone sane. That you were always so level-headed. And so I should have guessed I was speaking to you on the radio. You always seemed to make even the most ridiculous requests seem reasonable! Not like him. I always thought he was having a laugh. But I trusted you.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Kinch said. “Don’t tell the other girls, but you were always my favourite.”

“I was?”

Kinch shrugged. “There was just something about you.” 

“Maybe it’s because there was already a connection between us,” Mavis speculated. “If you can be friends with Peter, I suppose that means you could easily make friends with me.”

“Don’t think it was easy making friends with him,” Kinch laughed. “It was much easier to make friends with you, even if we did have to do it through code!” While communicating as Papa Bear and Goldilocks, they generally kept to their jobs, but every once in a while, they would sneak in some harmless small talk. Nothing that would compromise their identities, but enough to become friendly.

“I’m surprised he made any friends at all!” Mavis exclaimed. “But I’m glad he had you. All of you.”

“We were lucky to have him,” Kinch replied. 

Mavis hummed and they continued dancing in comfortable silence. 

“I guess it’s a good thing we didn’t know who you were,” Kinch said after a few moments. “We wouldn’t be able to keep Newkirk, er, Peter, from the radio if we did. But after we did find out… after… well, after that happened, we definitely couldn’t tell him.” 

Kinch still felt sick thinking about that moment on the radio when, after warning them of a trap, Mama Bear’s voice was cut off by an angry German. An angry German who had yelled her name. Wrong choice, Miss Newkirk. And then there were gunshots. And then… static. Kinch had panicked, but when he realized what that name might have meant, he had really panicked. He and Hogan had vowed to keep it between themselves because if Kinch could panic over it, Newkirk would have gone absolutely insane.

Mavis cast her eyes down. “I’m sorry about that,” she said. “I’m so terribly sorry. I was selfish and cowardly and–”

“Hey.” Kinch stopped dancing and she looked up at him, tears in the corner of her eyes. “We’ve all been scared, and we’ve all made mistakes.”

Mavis nodded. “I know. I just…”

“It all turned out,” Kinch said and, despite himself, held her closer as he started dancing again. “Just look around. It all turned out.”

Maybe it was just his imagination but it felt like, as she relaxed, she snuggled into him. “Yes. Yes it did.”

[tenrousei-kuroi]

i came to ask if you’re planning on posting the sequel rapture on the lonely shore but now i’m desperate to hear about the remus/regulus fic!!!

Yes! I am just going to post it. I was originally emailing copies to people but 1. I think I missed a few emails along the way, which is embarrassing, and 2. That was soooo long ago when I thought that what I'd written was too scandalous for the public world and meanwhile I've sailed *way* past that point now, so I think it can just be posted lol. Just gotta' dig it back up out of whatever folder it was festering in on my old laptop. Might should clean it up a skosh, too, that was teenage-me writing, who knows how well it's aged TT.TT

...In regards to the other fic, I too am desperate to hear about my Regulus/Remus story, because my brain's been cockblocking my progress on the very final chapter ೭੧(❛〜❛✿)੭೨ (I kid, I kid, it's getting there. The finish line is in sight, I'm just moving at a snail's pace lately and I'm trying to train myself not to post so many WIPs until they're closer to *done*...)

But here's a snippet of the general vibe, if you're interested:

┏━•❃°•°❀°•°❃•━┓

On the last day of term, Lupin found him by the lake.

“Oi, Regulus, get through potions all right? I heard you were a mite nervous about that one.”

Regulus looked up from his sandwich. “Who told you that?” He’d been relaxing beneath one of the somber willow trees by the water with a few of his classmates, but they’d both taken off to swim, leaving him alone when Lupin approached.

“Just something I heard,” Lupin said. “So...did you survive without too much strife?”

“Yes, thank you,” Regulus said with a curt nod. His skin tingled warily as Lupin sat down beside him. Regulus looked around nervously.

“Relax,” Lupin assured him, tossing his bag next to Regulus’s and stretching out, arms behind his head on the grass. “I’m not about to start snogging you in public, just visiting. Nothing suspicious, I swear.”

Regulus coughed, choking a little on some bread. “Not as if—I mean, you’d not want—you’re not here to ask that of me, are you?”

Regulus averted his eyes. Lupin chuckled lightly beside him, leaning up onto his side. He tapped his fingers rhythmically against Regulus’s crossed legs. “I don’t know, what would your answer be?”

Regulus sighed deeply. “I suppose yes.”

Lupin sat up fully, looking at him curiously. “You suppose?” he asked.

Regulus shrugged. “Well I’ve not got much choice, have I? Given everything you overheard in the library between me and my brother...I suppose I’m not really in a position to refuse you anything, am I?”

Lupin frowned. “I didn’t overhear much of anything, Regulus. Sirius told me.”

“He...he did?” Regulus gasped, a hotness prickling at his eyes.

“Yes,” Lupin insisted.

“I can’t believe it,” Regulus muttered, dejected. “He swore…”

“And you believed him?” Lupin laughed pityingly. “Poor thing,” he carded a hand through Regulus’s hair, and Regulus merely swayed back and forth from the force of it, a blank look in his eyes.

“O—okay,” he said shakily.

“Okay, what?”

Regulus sat up a bit straighter. “Okay l—let’s do your suggestion. But later somewhere. Send me a note or something and let me know where to find you,” he added a bit more confidently.

“Do wha—oh, you mean kiss?” Lupin was smiling fondly.

“Yes,” said Regulus firmly. He stood up and began to gather his bag and cloak. “And...and whatever else that we’re supposed to do.”

“Great then,” said Lupin. “I’ll send for you tonight.”

“I’ll come,” Regulus promised recklessly. Then he dashed away before he could change his mind.

[emilieautumnarchives]

On Vandalism & Fan Entitlement (aka “Sharpie Bus” Incident)

Posted: March 8, 2011 Archived from Wayward Victorian Confessions, circa 2013

[Admin Note: I added paragraph breaks to make Tumblr play nice.]

The Best Way To Start Your Day: Noticing this message in Sharpie written across your tour bus, “I waited 5 years to see you and all I wanted was my violin signed.”

Nice.

Allow me to share some details with those moderately interested. We arrive in El Paso, Texas on the morning of the 6th. We spend the whole day preparing the set, the stage, ourselves, rehearsing, soundchecking, etc. 2 hours before the show, I give an hour-long VIP session where I play a violin recital, meet Plague Rats, tell (bad) jokes, sign posters, CDs, and body parts, and pose for pictures with every living breathing thing I can wrap my arms around, one of which freaked the fuck out and started yelling “FUCK YOU!!!” at me as we were being photographed, at which I had to call for security. Then, it’s back to the bus for us all to get ready in a panic, because our venue has no dressing room, i.e. backstage. 1 hour later, and we board the stage to perform a sweaty and physically/emotionally draining show just exceeding 2 hours in length. After the show, we rush through the crowd to get to our tour bus so that our small crew can break down the stage as soon as possible and load the trailer in time to get us on the road to the next city in time for tomorrow’s show to do the same thing all over again. Fans are waiting outside the bus as the girls and I are inside changing and taking “showers” with baby wipes, and they sometimes pound on the door, but we expect this by now.

Our amazing tour manager, Melissa, who tries to take care of every fan and aids me in my desire to give everyone everything they want all the fucking time, comes to the bus to see that we are alright and meets a “Plague Rat” just outside our door. The girl wants her violin signed. I am touched by this — I always am. Melissa comes in to ask me if I will sign it. I tell her that of course I will as soon as we are changed and ready to meet the girl. Melissa plans to bring her on the bus, which is something we never, ever do, but the girl seems sweet. Melissa asks the girl to wait with her violin outside the bus until she comes back and tells her that I’m ready.

You’ll never guess what happens next, because I sure couldn’t have.

Contessa and Maggots are sitting on the couch on one side of the bus, changing out of their costumes. Veronica is sitting on the couch on the other side doing the same. The window behind Tessa and Maggots is open just a crack to let some air in, but that’s not all, because, right behind their heads, a long, sharp object is shoved through the window, making stabbing motions and flailing around, just barely missing the backs of their skulls. As far as they know, It could be a gun, a knife, any number of things. VV sees it first — it’s a fucking violin bow. She screams and pulls the girls away from the window, Contessa screams as she is nearly stabbed, and Maggots is just trying to calm them down and make sure nobody is hurt. I am in my bunk, asking what the fuck just happened. The girls are terrified, and I want to kill somebody for this outrageous breach of the tiny personal space we have while on the road and attacking my girls. One of my crew comes to the bus and we inform him of the shit that just went down. He can’t even believe it. I ask him if this girl with her violin (and bow apparently) is still waiting outside our bus. He looks out and says that she is. I ask him to let her know that she needs to step away immediately, because no one will be signing anything tonight. She was as good as on the bus, her violin was as good as signed, and all she had to do was wait until we were changed, but this wasn’t enough for her, and she had to come up to our window, find an open crack, and shove her bow inside, and now, she needs to leave. It’s over. She ruined it. Good night.

So, when Melissa comes to me first thing this morning with the new the aforementioned message was scrawled in permanent ink all along the side of our bus that night (which I now need to pay to have removed because this bus is rented — I do not own this), I ask myself again why I even bother. To this girl, and to other “fans” such as this, of which there are, sadly, MANY, thank you for once again reminding me that you are entitled to everything, I am obligated to give you everything, that my personal space is nothing, that your petty wishes are all that matters and that, if they are not fulfilled to the last detail, my personal property, or that which I rent, may be destroyed in an act of obviously justified revenge. Thanks for making me, once again, consider just saying “Fuck this,” and going home. And thanks for ruining it for everybody else, whom I now will not trust within a mile of my bus, my girls, myself, or anything I hold dear (or have to pay for). So, for any true Plague Rats or simply decent human beings who see such acts as this being committed, you know what to do. To any who see this girl posting about the cruelty of myself and my crew for not allowing her fucking violin to be signed, you know what to do.

But the true tragedy of my morning? That my gluten free oatmeal just exploded all over the bus microwave. Now THAT sucks…

[madsworld15]

New #Britin fic in my Diabetes Universe: I know you’ll be a beautiful surprise (Reposted with Edits)

So, recently I added a fic to my Britin Diabetes universe on AO3 in which a middle-aged Brian and Justin discuss the idea of having kids together. I thought that was the end of it for me and my creative brain. But, then a few days ago an idea entered my head and I was compelled to write it up. 9.2k words later I'm convinced this might be a cool idea to expand into a full multi-chapter fic idea for the universe. As of right now I only plan to post it here.

The premise is this: It's March 2018. Gus is a freshman in college and still living at home with Brian and Justin. It's been almost a year since they discussed the idea of kids. Then, Justin starts feeling sick and Daphne jokingly asks him if he could be pregnant. Which leads Justin to take a test. That is where we find ourselves at the start of this.

BE WARNED THIS FIC IDEA IS MPREG. (Don't worry about the explanation of how it's possible just believe it lol)

This isn’t a trope I write for so any feedback would be great!

Chapter 1.

Justin stared at the test in his hand. On the display screen were two distinct lines.

Fuck.

Justin rubbed his hand across his mouth. He had taken the test after Daphne had joked that he could be pregnant. They’d been hanging out the day before on their mutual lunch break when Justin had suddenly vomited. He figured he was just catching something from one of his students. Daphne, the doctor that she is, asked him if he was pregnant with laughter in her eyes.

Sure, male pregnancy was a thing, but he and Brian always used condoms. He guessed a condom must’ve broken in the last few months. But, he didn’t recall Brian mentioning it. He had no idea what they were going to do. It wasn’t as if they had wanted this. In fact, just last year they’d had the conversation about kids and decided it wasn’t something in the cards.

Gus was a freshman in college, Brian had been struggling to keep his blood sugars steady for months now resulting in a few ER visits, and Justin had just switched from teaching high school art to elementary school art. In short, it was not a good time for an upheaval such as this.

Fuck.

Justin slipped the test into a wad of tissues and walked it from the bathroom to their bedroom. He opened the drawer of the end table on his side of the bed. Justin glanced at the test once again before shoving it inside and shutting the drawer. One glance at the clock told him it was almost 6 pm. He needed to get dinner started.

Justin was standing in their kitchen, his thoughts on the test hidden in their bedroom, while he chopped up veggies for a salad. The lasagna he’d pre-made over the weekend was in the oven heating. His phone rang pulling him out of his thoughts.

“Hey, Gus. What’s up?” Justin wiped his hands as he cradled the cellphone between his ear and his shoulder.

“Hey, I am going out with some friends tonight and then I plan on crashing at Isaac’s dorm.” The teen practically yelled, loud noise in his background making it hard to hear.

“Alright, I’ll let your dad know you won’t be home. Have fun. Be safe.” Justin hung up.

He stared at his phone again, contemplating his next move. He should probably get an official test done before telling Brian, just to be sure. With that he dialed his best friend.

“Hey, Daph.” Justin bit his lip.

“Wow. Twice in as many days. What’s wrong?” Daph laughed.

“I took a test.” Justin muttered, pausing to gain the courage for what came next, “I’m pregnant.”

“Holy Shit! Are you sure? Have you told Brian?” Daphne asked her questions calmly despite her obvious surprise.

“Not yet. I was wondering if I came by the ER tomorrow during your shift if you’d run a blood test so I can be sure. I don’t wanna freak him out too if it’s not real.” Justin ran a hand through his blond hair.

“Of course. I could also get the lab to rush it so you’d know by the end of the day if you come in before you go to work.” Daphne reassured him.

“What if it’s also positive?” Justin was back to being worried.

“Then you and Brian will have a decision to make. Justin, you're only 35. It's not as though it’s physically dangerous. And you and Brian are financially stable. It will all work out.” Daphne answered him. She always knew how to keep Justin from spiraling.

He heard the key turning in their lock. Brian was home. Justin needed to pull himself together so Brian wouldn’t suspect anything.

“Thanks, Daph. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Justin replied and hung up just as Brian’s arms wrapped around Justin’s shoulders from behind.

“Hello, honey.” Brian teased as he nipped at Justin’s ear before kissing his neck.

“How was your day?” The older man added, pulling away from physical touch.

“Fine. The kids wore me out though. I’m exhausted.” Justin rubbed his face as if to prove a point. Then he pulled the lasagna out of the oven.

Just then, the smell of bubbling cheese hit his nose and he felt nauseous. He tried to hide it by breathing through his mouth and drinking some water, but Brian was watching him closely.

“Still feeling under the weather? I told you to stay home today and sleep it off.” Brian braced his arms around Justin, locking him in against the counter next to the oven.

“I’m fine, Bri. Nothing a good night of sleep won’t solve.” Justin smiled despite the rolling feeling in his gut, and kissed his partner on his cheek.

“Well why don’t you rest. You don’t need to stay up on my account.” Brian reached up and cupped the back of Justin’s head.

Justin decided to take Brian’s gentle out and headed to bed. He nodded against Brian’s cheek as they embraced.

“I’ll drink some ginger ale and sleep.” Justin could feel his bone deep exhaustion more acutely now that Brian gave him the permission to.

Then, just as he reached their bedroom door he remembered Gus’ call.

“Oh and Gus called. He said he’s crashing at Isaac’s dorm tonight.” Justin yelled over his shoulder. Brian didn’t respond, but he knew the man had heard.

Hours later Justin realized he must’ve fallen asleep when Brian getting into bed brought him back to consciousness. The brunet apologized, placing a hand on Justin’s back as the blond drifted back to sleep.

—————

“Alright, I will get this over to the lab and call you when I have the results.” Daphne pulled off her gloves and put the vial of blood into a canister to take it to the lab once she’s done talking to Justin.

“Do results usually take a long time?” Justin was so nervous to know the answer. “I don’t end up in the hospital very often so I’m not sure how all this works.”

“After years of dealing with Brian’s diabetes I would’ve thought blood work would be old hat for you.” Daphne smiled and rubbed Justin’s shoulders, “Usually blood work takes a few hours when sent from the ER, but since you didn’t officially register as a patient it will be run at the typical speed.”

Justin nodded, staring at his hands. Daphne stepped closer and placed her hand on his shoulder.

“Justin, are you okay?”

Justin looked up and took a deep breath. “I just worry this will ruin things with Brian or he’ll be angry.”

“When was the last time Brian got angry instead of talking things out?” Daphne gave the blond a knowing look. “Sure, when we were young and you guys were first starting out he wasn’t likely to communicate, but he changed all that years ago.”

“I know.” Justin bit his bottom lip and shrugged, “But we also had a discussion about a kid of our own when Gus was about to graduate high school. So, not even a year ago.”

“And? How did that conversation go?” Daphne sat down in the chair next to Justin.

“We agreed we didn’t need a child. We had Gus and Isaac.” Justin shrugged. At this point he was nearly in tears and trying to hide it.

“Doesn’t sound to me like he’s fully opposed.” Daphne shrugged and pulled Justin to his feet as she stood up.

“He’s not officially for it either. You remember how he was when Gus was a baby. Brian doesn’t do well with small children.” Justin grabbed his coat and put it back on, “Anyway, I gotta get to work. Thanks, Daph.”

“Jus, this isn’t the end of the world.” Daphne tried to reassure him.

“So you say.” Justin mumbled on his way out.

For the rest of the day, Justin volleyed between being stressed about the results of the blood test and worrying that the relationship he’d spent half his life in was coming to an end. He was in his final plan period of the day when Daphne called him.

“Hey, please tell me I’m worried for nothing and that I’m not pregnant.” Justin answered the phone without any preamble.

“Let’s talk about this in person. I’m almost at your school. Meet me outside and I will buy us some coffee and we can talk.” Daphne responded. “See you in about 5.”

Justin walked out of the school after informing the principal he was leaving a bit early. Daphne was waiting for him on the sidewalk. She was wearing a purple peacoat and matching hat, scarf, and gloves. Justin rubbed his hands together regretting that he’d accidentally left his gloves in his classroom in his rush to leave. Daphne immediately wrapped him up in a hug.

“Here.” She handed him a computer printout of his test results.

Justin’s eyes scanned the page until he found the word, “Positive” toward the bottom.

“Shit.” Justin crumpled the page up in his fist as he stared, stricken at Daphne. “What am I going to do?”

“First, you are going to walk with me to the bodega we both love, grab a coffee and a pastry. Then, we are going to talk about this until you feel comfortable to face Brian.” Daphne wrapped her arm around Justin’s and led him up the block.

“What would I do without you?” Justin breathed a sigh of relief. Caffeine and carb loading sounded like the perfect antidote to his current anxiety.

“You would’ve had multiple mental breakdowns at this point.” Daphne giggled then laid her head down on Justin’s shoulder.

Half an hour later, Justin and Daphne had their hands full with pastries and coffee. Daphne was unlocking the door to her apartment and leading her best friend inside. After ordering, they had both decided it was much too cold for them to eat in the park. So, Daphne told him they could go to her apartment. Her husband and two kids weren’t home so it would be just them.

Once they were settled on the couch, Daphne spoke first. “Just think. If you go through with this Leo will get to grow up with a best friend.”

“Daph.” Justin gave her a warning look.

“Right, I promised I wouldn’t try to sway your decision.” Daphne put up her hands in defense. “I still think this isn’t the end of the world. How many times over the years have you mentioned kids to me?”

“Alright, so I’ve always loved kids. It’s part of the reason I took up teaching. But, Daph, Brian and I have a life we love and a baby doesn’t fit into that.” Justin looked panicked, he was sure of it considering how panicked he felt.

“Maybe, but you guys have Gus.” Daphne tried to point out, always the voice of reason.

“Taking care of a teenager is not the same thing as a baby and you know it. We didn’t have to adjust much when Gus moved in because he was already independently taking care of himself. He just needed guidance.” Justin leaned back against the couch cushions and closed his eyes. His stomach was aching like it wanted to turn itself inside out.

“You’re right. 14 is different from a newborn. However, do you think Derek and I were ready for a baby when we got pregnant with Ella? We’d been married for 5 years at that point. We had an established routine and we had to adjust. You and Brian will too.”

“Brian’s been struggling with his health for the past 6 months. We haven’t really told anyone because he doesn’t want people hovering, but I’m not sure now is the time to be making major adjustments.” Justin sighed. If he was being completely honest with himself this fact was holding him back the most from accepting this pregnancy as a good thing.

“Has it been serious?” Daphne leaned over and grabbed Justin’s hand to hold it.

“We’ve ended up in the ER a few times for both low and high blood glucose levels. What has been working for him for years is no longer a safe option.” Justin used his other hand to pick at the stitching of the couch cushion. “He’s been struggling with more migraines and Diabetic neuropathy.”

Daphne was quiet for a moment and so Justin took a deep breath to calm himself. There was just too much happening to him all at once and he wasn’t handling it well. Normally he’d be all for talking it through with Brian, but this time he hesitated because bringing it into the open with his partner made all of it more real.

“All the more reason for you to discuss it with him. Brian’s always been able to dictate what he can and can’t handle. Don’t take this decision away from him because you’re afraid.” Daphne gave Justin a knowing look.

“I’ll consider it.” Justin curled on himself, bringing his knees up to his chest. It wasn’t as easy a position as it had been when he was younger, but he was still nimble enough to do it for a short period.

“Wanna watch some cartoons?” Daphne gently shoved his shoulder. Justin nodded.

The two friends settled into comfortable silence while watching reruns of the cartoons they lived to consume when they were kids. Before he knew it, Justin had dozed off on Daphne’s shoulder only to be shaken awake by his best friend when her husband and kids made it home.

“Uncle Justin!” Ella screamed as she ran across the room and launched her little body into his arms.

“Oof. You have grown a whole foot since the last time I saw you!” Justin laughed, squeezing his goddaughter close to his chest.

“What do you mean? I only have 2 feet. Same as always.” The five-year-old looked down at her legs just to be sure.

Justin laughed, “I meant you’ve gotten taller, little munchkin.” Then he tickled the little girl as Daphne grabbed her one-year-old from her husband’s arms.

“You staying for dinner, Justin?” Derek asked as he pulled a rotisserie chicken out of a grocery bag along with the makings of a salad and a to-go container of macaroni and cheese from the deli down the block.

Justin put Ella back down and reached for his coat. “No, I should go home. Brian’s probably wondering where I am.”

“Tell him.” Daphne squeezed his arm as he passed by her. “Please.”

Justin leaned over and placed a kiss on her cheek. “I will.”

But, instead of going straight home, Justin paid a cab to drive him around Queens for a bit before heading over to their brownstone. He still wasn’t sure what he wanted to do about the wadded up test result in his coat pocket. An hour passed between him leaving Daphne’s and arriving back at the home he shared with Brian. He knew for a fact Brian would be wondering where he was, if not already calling local friends to find him.

Just as he was coming to the front door, Gus approached from down the street. Fuck. Justin hadn’t factored in Gus being home. The teen had a backpack slung over one shoulder and a red tint to his cheeks as the wind blew his brunet hair around his face.

“Hey, Jus. Just getting home? Isn’t it a bit late for you?” The teen smirked, morphing his face into an exact replica of a younger Brian.

“Not that it's any of your business but I spent some time with Daphne and her family this afternoon.” Justin unlocked the door and held it open for his stepson.

“Hey, Dad! Justin and I are home.” Gus hollered the moment they were both in the foyer.

Brian came from the direction of the kitchen, his face morphing from concern to relief. He immediately wrapped Justin up in a hug, ignoring Gus. He kissed the side of Justin’s head and breathed him in.

“I was so worried something happened to you. When I got home and you weren’t here I called Daphne to see if you were with her. She then told me that you had just left. So, I assumed you’d be home ages ago.”

From over Brian’s shoulder Justin saw Gus roll his eyes. Then the teen trudged toward his bedroom and closed the door with a loud thump.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you. I needed some time to think so I had a cab drive me around Queens before dropping me off here.” Justin pulled out of Brian’s arms and shrugged off his coat. He made sure to grab the crumpled up paper from his pocket.

Staring down at it, Justin let out his breath and forced himself to take another deep one to replace the air in his lungs.

“Good to know my money is being put to good use.” Brian teased, but there was still a hint of concern lacing every word. “So, what did you need to think about?”

Justin closed his eyes, took another deep breath, unfolded the paper and handed it to Brian. “This.”

Then he walked toward the kitchen, not waiting around for Brian’s reaction. He was terrified of what that one little word was going to do to the world they had built together. From an honest standpoint, Justin would never be upset about having a child, but he knew Brian was much more complicated. Justin had just poured himself a glass of orange juice when Brian joined him in the kitchen. His face was completely unreadable, not calming Justin’s nerves in the slightest.

“Is this why you’ve been distant this week?” Brian reached out to place his hand on Justin’s arm, getting the blond to look him in the eye.

“At first it was because I really did think I was sick. But then…” Justin stopped trying to catch his breath as tears spilled from his eyes. “Brian, I’m sorry.”

A moment later, his partner’s arms were wrapped around Justin, pushing him against Brian’s chest. Brian’s hand went up to cup the back of Justin’s head. He kissed him on his temple.

“Justin.” Brian whispered, pulling back a bit, “Justin, please look at me.”

Justin wiped his eyes, “I know this isn’t exactly something we are prepared for. It’s not like we wanted this to happen. I mean our lives are not equipped for a baby. I’m 35. You’re 47. We can’t do this.” Justin started to hyperventilate.

Brian rubbed his shoulders as Justin tried to gain control on his breathing again. “You done?”

Justin nodded.

“This is unexpected and that can be unnerving. And you’re right, our lives are not currently equipped for a baby. But, we can adjust. If that’s what you want.” Brian continued to rub Justin’s shoulders as he fell silent once more.

“What about you? I’m not the only one in this situation, Brian. You’ve never wanted kids.” Justin sniffed, a few more tears falling down his cheeks.

“Do you remember what I said when we talked about this a few months ago?” Brian moved a hand to Justin’s cheek and cupped it. “I said if that was something you wanted we would make it work. I don’t ever do or say anything I don’t mean.”

“Do we really want to even consider this? It’s a huge change?” Justin bit his lip. He looked into Brian’s eyes and only found gentleness there.

“Ignoring everything going on in our lives right now, what is your gut reaction to this news?” Brian dropped all physical contact with Justin and stepped back. It was as if he was giving Justin the space to independently assess his feelings.

Given the time and space to search his heart for his real feelings about it, Justin found the answer right away. His hands gravitated to his abdomen and he imagined eventually feeling the baby move inside him. He smiled despite himself.

He stepped up to Brian, who was now leaning against the counter. Placing his hands on either side of Brian, boxing him in he stared up into the older man’s eyes.

“I love you. I have loved you since I was 17. The idea of having a child that is a part of both of us is beautiful.” Justin leaned forward and kissed Brian, who closed his eyes and moved his lips against Justin’s.

“Does this make us heterosexuals?” Brian finally spoke, his joke indicating he wanted this as much as Justin did.

Justin backed away completely and laughed out loud. The stress of the last few days disappeared entirely. He was going to have a baby. Holy shit.

“What are we going to tell Gus? The family?” Justin finally responded.

“That is up to you.” Brian shrugged. “Let’s eat some dinner and worry about the rest later.”

Justin smiled and nodded his head. Brian rarely cooked, stating he didn’t prefer it. So, naturally, Justin was shocked to find that while he had delayed coming home, Brian had taken the time to cook up a chicken and potato dish. Justin was grateful his stomach decided to stay calm for this. Now that he knew for sure he was pregnant, Justin wasn’t looking forward to dealing with nausea for the next few months.

“You know my mom is going to flip out. She’s always wanted us to have a kid together.” Justin commented as he and Brian dug into their meal.

Brian smirked. “Well, she can save it for when it’s just the two of you.”

“You love when she showers you with mom love, don’t deny it.” Justin chuckled at him. Then, remembering that they had a teen in the house he hollered, “Gus? Are you joining us for dinner?”

After a few minutes of silence, Gus opened his door and stuck his head out. “Nah. I grabbed pizza with Isaac while we were studying for tomorrow’s chemistry exam.” Then without another word he closed his door once more.

“I swear your son never eats dinner with us anymore.” Justin pointed his fork at Brian accusingly.

“I love how he’s my son when it’s about something he’s not doing.” Brian chuckled and then with a cheeky grin added, “I’m going to do the same when this kid gets a little older, see how it makes you feel.”

A few hours later, Justin was sitting up in bed, scrolling through various websites on his phone. He was nervous about what pregnancy meant for his body. Now that he knew Brian was okay with the turn of events, Justin had found his anxiety switching to the physicality of being pregnant. Brian came into their bedroom from the bathroom, having just finished his nighttime routine.

“So, I’ve been thinking.” Justin started, placing his phone screen down on his chest, giving Brian his full attention.

Brian pulled back the blankets on his side of the bed and climbed in next to Justin before replying. “I’d say that’s a dangerous sign, but really you thinking is never a bad thing.”

“I’m trying to pinpoint when this could’ve happened. We always wear condoms and you tell me if one breaks because we get tested for HIV right after.” Justin assessed Brian trying to read his face.

The older man pinched his eyelids and sighed, “I was thinking about this while I was in the bathroom. The only thing I can think about was when we got trashed on New Year’s Eve at Daphne’s party. You and I don’t drink that much anymore and we kind of went overboard, who’s to say we didn’t make mistakes that night.”

“We also smoked a joint together when we got home that night.” Justin reminded Brian. “Yeah, I’m thinking this was a New Year’s misstep.”

“Which means you are probably almost two months. Shit.” Brian rubbed his temple again, signaling he was suffering from a headache.

“I will talk to Daphne tomorrow about finding a proper doctor to find out for sure.” Justin put his phone on the charger and turned off his lamp, cloaking them both in darkness. The two men end up in each other’s arms.

“I love you. We will get through this.” Brian muttered against Justin’s head before giving him a kiss.

—----

The morning of their first appointment with Dr. Savarese dawned bright and warm despite the layers of snow still on the ground from last week’s snow storm. It had been a few days since Justin officially confirmed that he was indeed pregnant at 35. Their appointment was at 4 pm, in the hopes that Brian would be able to pull away from work more swiftly than if it were in the morning or middle of the day.

Justin was nervous that there would be something wrong or worse all this had been a lie and they’d find out he wasn’t pregnant at all. Since telling Brian, he’d allowed himself to think about their future as dads to a new baby. It had been both nerve wracking and exciting, mostly exciting if Justin was being honest with himself.

“Morning, Sunshine.” Brian muttered, rolling over to place a kiss on Justin’s cheek before he got up and headed to the bathroom.

Justin smiled to himself and placed his hands on his abdomen. Today was the day they would see their baby. He heard Brian turn on the shower and knew he needed to get up soon. They usually showered together to save time on getting ready in the morning. But, also because it allowed their world to be a small bubble of just them for a little bit longer. Once they were showered, the responsibilities of parenting Gus and getting to work came crashing in and making their world a little bit louder.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Justin asked Brian nervously as he washed the older man’s chest.

“Justin. While kids were never my top priority in life, I don’t hate them. Besides, the idea of a little you running around sounds kind of nice. I always regretted not being around more for Gus when he was developing into the kid he was by the time I stepped up.” Brian smiled at Justin and nonverbally prompted him until Justin smiled back.

“You’re a great dad to Gus. Don’t ever question that. You’ll be an even better dad to this one.” Justin searched Brian’s face for a reaction.

“Okay, I’ll bite. Why?” Brian’s eyes were alight with mischief.

“Because when Gus was born you were bound and determined to never let another heart touch yours. You had these steel paneled walls up around you that kept even your closest friends at a distance. But, now, you are open and loving and communicative. You’re already more involved in this surprise baby than I ever saw you in the first two years of Gus being in this world. Just ask Lindsay and I bet she’d say the same.” Justin replied, playing with Brian’s ear.

Moments later, they were both dressed and ready for work enjoying some eggs and toast while standing in the kitchen. Pretty soon, Gus joined them, talking on his phone.

“Don’t worry mom. I’m getting enough sleep, enough food, and I’m focusing on my classwork.” Gus sighed and rolled his eyes at Justin who smirked.

Then, suddenly, Gus’ phone was extended between Brian and Justin.

“Mom wants to talk to you.” Gus directed at Brian. “She’s convinced you’re letting me live a life of debauchery.”

Justin choked on the juice he just swallowed and had to turn around to the sink as he laughed and coughed in equal measure.

“My goodness, Wendy. Are you trying to take away everything I hold dear in my life?” Brian took the phone from Gus and spoke into it after placing it on speaker.

“What?” Lindsay’s voice sounded utterly confused.

“Dad’s only saying that because Justin choked on his drink when I said you think I’m living a life similar to the one he was living when I was born.” Gus laughed and reached over to pat Justin on the shoulder now that he’d returned to his spot next to Brian.

“I did not say that! Gus, I swear to God.” Lindsay huffed. “Justin, are you okay? I’m sorry my kid is a carbon copy of his father.”

“He’s fine, Wendy.” Brian said as Justin turned back to the sink once more to vomit around another cough. “Now, what do you need to speak with me about? I need to get to work and the lad needs to get to school.”

“I just wanted to be reassured that Gus is in fact going to school and doing his best. I worry about him.” Lindsay’s voice was laced with a level of concern that only a long distance parent could have.

“Linds, don’t worry. Even if we wanted to, Gus could never be convinced to skip school. He’s as big a geek as Bri and I were in school.” Justin returned and reassured Lindsay.

“Okay, if you are sure.”

“We are.” Brian cut in, somewhat exasperated. “I swear it’s as if you don’t trust me to monitor my own kid.”

“I do. I just worry. Like always.” Lindsay muttered. Even though they couldn’t see her, Justin knew from experience Lindsay would have a pinched look on her face as she tried to work through her mom guilt.

“Oh, Linds. Speaking of Brian’s parenting.” Justin added, as Brian tried to physically shut him up. But, Justin persisted and wrestled the phone into his hands. “Do you think Brian would be a better parent today if we were to adopt a baby tomorrow?”

“Are you guys thinking about adopting?!” Lindsay screeched.

“No! We were just having a hypothetical conversation this morning and Brian doesn’t think he’d be much different as a dad than he was 18 years ago. So, I told him he should ask you because you aren’t biased by being with him and you’d know.” Justin was quick to shut down any rumors Lindsay might want to spread. They didn’t want people to know yet.

“Shit!” Lindsay exclaimed through the speaker. “Sorry, I gotta go. J.R. just threw up everywhere.”

“Why are you two being weird?” Gus asked his dads after he took his phone back and watched them silently for a moment.

“What? We aren’t being weird.” Justin squeaked. Brian just shook his head and smirked.

“That’ll convince the CIA.”

“What is really going on? Are you guys adopting? It’s definitely strange you bring up kids now after all these years.” Gus shrugged with a knowing look on his face. “Don’t tell me. I’m sure I’ll figure it out on my own soon enough.”

“Have a great day, Sonny Boy.” Brian replied, subtly rushing Gus out the door. “You will probably beat us home tonight. So, just get whatever you want for dinner.”

Once Gus was gone, Justin turned around and gagged into the sink once more. This time nothing came up. Brian rubbed his back, roaming his hand up and down.

“Sorry. The juice must not have agreed with me. Shit that acid coming back up really sucks.” Justin stood up and wiped at his mouth. “We should tell Gus sooner rather than later. He’s right, he’ll figure it out on his own.”

Brian held the back of Justin’s head, running his fingers through the blond hairs.

“Yeah we should. I’ll see you at the appointment. Have a good day.” Then Brian kissed Justin on the lips and was gone, off to work.

—---

Of course, Justin arrived at the appointment only to receive a text from Brian informing him that he’d be a bit late and to not wait on him. Justin was already back to being nervous about everything so finding out his partner wasn’t going to be there on time wasn’t helping him. Justin’s name was called a few minutes after he handed the receptionist back his medical history questionnaire.

“Justin Taylor?” A young woman wearing scrubs with flowers all over it called from across the waiting area. She had a short bob haircut that framed her face and made her look like a pixie.

“Yeah.” Justin stood up and walked toward her. “My partner is running late, could you let him in when he gets here?”

The nurse nodded and leaned over to mention it to the receptionist. Afterward she led Justin beyond the doors toward the doctor exam rooms in the back. They stopped at a scale where Justin’s weight was recorded. He was shocked to find he’d gained 5 lbs since the last time he’d had his weight recorded six months ago. Justin didn’t really ever fluctuate on his weight so even a small amount such as that further proved he was pregnant.

Once they made it to the exam room, Justin sat down on the table as the nurse pulled out the blood pressure cuff. He was used to all after years of follow up neurological appointments thanks to his persisting TBI. Speaking of which, as she tightened the cuff on his arm it triggered the spasm in his hand and Justin grunted from the sharp pain of it. Just as she was loosening things and recording his BP, Brian came rushing in.

The moment he sat in a chair next to the table he clocked Justin’s spasm and reached for his hand to massage it. Justin crossed his arm across his chest to give Brian better access. The nurse finally noticed his hand and looked terrified.

“Oh my goodness. Did I do that?” She pointed at Justin’s hand, her eyes overly apologetic.

“Sorry, I wasn’t thinking. I usually stop you guys at the head and instruct you to check things on my left arm instead. I have a TBI that permanently affects the function of my right arm.” Justin gave her his prize winning smile and she relaxed.

“I should’ve asked if you had a preference. I apologize.”

“Seriously, no sweat. This happens at least once a day without a blood pressure cuff.” Justin shrugged and chuckled.

“Everything else seems to be in order. Dr. Savarese will be in to talk with you shortly.” She then exited the room, closing the door, and leaving Brian and Justin alone.

“Sorry for being late.” Brian muttered as he continued to massage Justin’s hand.

“It helps that they were delayed pulling me back here too. I hadn’t been in here with Nurse Ratchett more than ten minutes before you came in.” Justin smirked at his joke.

“Unfortunately, I was late because there is a small Kinnetik fire that I will have to travel to Pittsburgh tomorrow and put out.” Brian sighed. Justin’s fingers flattened out and so the older man dropped the contact.

Justin didn’t mind, it was uncomfortable to keep his arm crossed over his chest for an extended period of time anyway. He fell silent. Brian went back to Pittsburgh all the time for work, but this time his chest hurt at the thought of Brian being gone for a few days. He couldn’t understand why he was reacting similarly to how he had when Brian left him alone right after his bashing.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Brian gently nudged his shoulder, but Justin gave him a small smile and shook his head as the door opened to reveal Dr. Savarese.

“Hello, Justin. I’m Dr. Savarese. I see here you believe you’re pregnant.” Dr. Savarese read from his file before looking up and giving him a smile.

They shook hands and then Dr. Savarese took a seat at the desk.

“My best friend is an ER doctor. She took my blood for some blood work a few days ago and it came back positive for pregnancy.” Justin brought his hands together in his lap and fiddled with his fingers.

“Have you been experiencing any symptoms?” Dr. Savarese looked at Justin. The man was older than even Brian and on the petite side. His eyes were dark brown but filled with warmth.

“I have vomited a few times a day. A few more than that if I find a smell my body can’t handle.” Justin shrugged as Brian smirked.

“Like the orange juice this morning.” Brian commented.

Justin shuddered at the memory of the acidic beverage coming back up. “Plus, I’ve been extremely exhausted.”

Brian didn’t flinch hearing that. Justin had been hiding it extremely well, but he knew that Brian had probably still noticed he wasn’t as energetic as usual.

“Have you noticed a change in your emotional reaction to things?” Dr. Savarese took some notes on his tablet.

“Not particularly.” Justin muttered, turning to look at Brian. The older man shrugged.

“I haven’t noticed anything major.”

“Before we do an ultrasound to attempt to see what’s going on I’d like to go over your medical history.” At the doctor’s words, Justin reached for Brian’s hand.

“You want his book of allergies now or later?” Brian attempted to joke.

“Brian, please take this seriously.” Justin sighed, his anxiety was ramped up and he couldn’t pinpoint why. “They have all that in my patient file because of the forms I had to fill out as a new patient.”

“Yes, it seems you are allergic to quite a few medications, Mr. Taylor. It also says here that you are on an anticonvulsant?”

“Umm. Yeah, I was injured when I was 18 by a bat to my head. I still get minor seizures to my hand. I take the medication to prevent more significant problems.” Justin bit his lip.

“Have you ever had a major seizure?” Dr. Savarese’s face turned pinched and concerned. “I ask because if you are pregnant anticonvulsants can cause problems with the baby. We’ll want to assess the risk of taking you off them for the duration.”

“He had a significant seizure right after his injury occurred and then once more a few years later when he had an extremely high fever due to the flu. That was when he started the medication just to be safe.” Brian supplied as Justin struggled to find his voice.

Just then, Justin’s hand spasmed up again. This time the pain was so sharp Justin had to cradle his hand against his chest. Brian stood up and moved in place against Justin so he could lean on him while Brian massaged his hand again.

“Does that happen often?” Dr. Savarese pointed to Justin’s hand.

“Only when he’s using his hand too much or gets stressed. This is the second one in the past half-hour because the nurse wasn’t aware and checked his blood pressure on this arm.” Brian supplied and Justin breathed through the pain.

“Alright, I would like to confer with your neurologist after we are finished here today.” Dr. Savarese gave Justin a half-smile and turned back to his tablet, scrolling through Justin’s patient file.

“Aside from the TBI and your allergies, are there any other chronic conditions we should be aware of? Heart condition? Diabetes?” Dr. Savarese looked up again and waited for Justin to have the focus to answer.

“No, but Brian is a Type 1 Diabetic and Cancer Survivor.” Justin finally muttered. “Here’s hoping you don’t pass on those genetics.”

“Kid’s got jokes.” Brian commented, his hand squeezing Justin’s shoulder in comfort.

“It is important to note things in your medical history as well, Brian. After all, this child is a mix of both of you.” Dr. Savarese smiled at the couple. “Alright. Now, Justin, I need you to lie back and lift up your shirt.”

Justin did as Dr. Savarese asked. He looked over at Brian who moved with Justin so as to stand near Justin’s shoulder. The two watched each other in silence, the reality of the situation fully sinking in as a monitor was brought over. They were going to see if the blood work was accurate.

“Do we have an idea of when this might have happened?” The doctor asked as he grabbed a squeeze bottle of gel and warmed it up in his hands.

“We always use condoms, but on New Year’s Eve we were extremely inebriated so we don’t remember the state of things as it were.” Brian responded before Justin could even process the question.

“So, we’re thinking it’s around 10 weeks.” Dr. Savarese nodded and squeezed the gel onto Justin’s abdomen. Justin hissed as the cool substance hit his skin.

“Sorry, it’ll warm up shortly.” The doctor apologized, “If the calculations are correct we should be able to see the fetus just fine.”

Justin and Brian smirked at one another as the doctor mentioned the gel warming up. They were well aware how quickly gels could warm up. Then, Dr. Savarese was telling them their child was up on the screen and Justin’s breath caught in his throat.

There on the screen was a tiny little blob that had a clearly defined head and stubby limbs. He squeezed Brian’s hand even tighter.

“Bri…” Justin muttered in a breathless voice. “That’s our baby.”

“Holy shit.” Brian muttered.

“Would you like to hear the heartbeat?” Dr. Savarese’s voice floated through their amazement at the image of their baby on the screen.

Justin tore his eyes away and stared at the doctor. “Can we really? Already?”

The doctor nodded, “You are measuring at 10 weeks exactly.”

Then he pressed a button and the room was filled with the sound of their baby’s heartbeat. Justin couldn’t believe the extremely rapid whooshing sounds were his child. The child that he was carrying inside him. He turned to look at Brian and saw the man had tears in the corners of his eyes. Justin smiled up at him and squeezed their hands again. Brian smiled at him and wiped at his tears.

“Guess this is really happening then.” Brian finally muttered. “Part of me thought this was all a hoax.”

“Me too.” Justin whispered. “But, that’s very real.”

—---

An hour later, Brian and Justin were sitting in the back of a cab headed home. Justin held the ultrasound in his hand. He couldn’t stop running his finger over the lines that made up the shape of their child. Holy fuck they were having a whole ass child.

“We should tell Gus.” Justin stated, his voice hushed, still in awe of everything.

“We should. Do we want to do it tonight or in a few weeks when you hit the second trimester?” Brian asked, wrapping his arm around Justin’s shoulder allowing his hand to come and rest on Justin’s abdomen.

“I think we should do it tonight. We are going to Pittsburgh this weekend. And the family is bound to realize, considering how often foods make me nauseous.” Justin shrugged.

“Oh, we are going are we?” Brian smirked. “I didn’t know you were tagging along. Don’t you have work next week?”

“Nope. Spring Break. I told you two weeks ago I would be off the third week of March.” Justin finally looked up, making eye contact with Brian.

“I didn’t know we’d discussed this.” Brian replied.

“Do you not want me to go?” Justin’s voice wobbled as tears pricked behind his eyes.

Brian saw Justin was on the verge of tears, so he gathered the man up in his arms. “No, not at all. I’d love for you to come. We just hadn’t officially discussed it.” Then he placed a kiss on Justin's temple.

Just then, the cab pulled up to their brownstone. The two climbed out and Brian handed the driver a few bills to cover the charge plus a hefty tip. Justin waited for him on the stoop to avoid going inside and immediately coming in contact with Gus. Brian wrapped his arm around Justin’s waist and they both entered their home. Justin couldn’t help the mushy smile that graced his face at the intimacy Brian was showing him now that they’d officially seen their baby. The sound of someone in the kitchen let them know that Gus was indeed home before them.

Turning the corner, Brian and Justin came face-to-face with not only Gus but Isaac as well. Justin couldn’t wipe the smile off his face fast enough. Gus clocked it immediately and approached them.

“Hold on mom, Dad and Justin just walked in.” Gus turned his phone around to show that Lindsay was on FaceTime with their son.

“Hello, Wendy!” Brian smiled and then moved toward the bathroom, officially leaving Justin to deal with Lindsay and Gus on his own.

Justin shook his head and ducked to hide his knowing smile. “Hey Linds. How are you guys doing?”

“Mel and I are great. J.R. is feeling better than she was this morning. I was just checking in with Gus.” Lindsay looked as though she wanted to ask more questions, but surprisingly Gus cut her off.

“Alright, ma. I will talk to you tomorrow. Love ya.” Then he hung up before she could say more than just her sentiments of mutual love.

Justin walked to the refrigerator and opened it looking for something to whip up quickly for himself and Brian. He called over his shoulder to Gus and Isaac who were still hanging around the kitchen.

“Hey, did you guys eat?”

“Depends. Are you asking because you just want to know or because you’re trying to decide how much to cook?” Gus quipped back, coming to stand next to Justin.

Justin rolled his eyes, turned completely around to face Isaac, “Did you guys eat and are you still hungry?”

Isaac awkwardly looked down at his lap and shrugged his shoulders. Justin smiled and pulled out enough chicken to feed four people. His mind wandered as he cooked. They hadn’t discussed it, but Justin really wanted to tell Gus and Isaac together about the new development in their lives. The chicken was almost done cooking in the oven when Justin’s stomach rolled. He decided to step out of the kitchen until it calmed down.

“Hey, Gus, could you finish the potatoes and take out the chicken when the timer dings?” Justin looked at the younger brunet.

Gus looked at him quizzically, but didn’t say anything as he nodded. Isaac stood up and smiled.

“I’ll help!”

Justin smiled at the teen and squeezed his shoulder as he passed by the blond. “Thanks, Isaac.”

Justin trudged back toward the bathroom where Brian had disappeared. He knew Brian was probably processing everything they’d learned today. The younger man wanted to give his partner the time and space he needed, but they also needed to discuss how they were going to handle everything. With a soft knock, Justin opened the door to the bathroom. He found Brian sitting on the closed toilet, staring at his hands as his fingers interlocked and came apart in a nervous motion.

“Hey,” Justin knelt down to be on Brian’s level. “Talk to me.”

A silence hung in the air as Justin waited for Brian to respond. After what felt like hours, Brian finally looked up and Justin saw his eyes were stormy, but not in an angry way.

“I never wanted kids. I never wanted to risk becoming the drunk asshole that my father was.” Brian whispered.

“I think Gus is proof that you aren’t him. But, if this isn’t something you want…” Justin couldn’t even voice the quiet part out loud.

Brian reached forward, bringing his hand around to cup the back of Justin’s head, “No. I meant that I never wanted kids, but now I can’t imagine us not having this kid. It’s crazy. I hadn’t felt anything one way or the other about you being pregnant until the doctor turned on their heartbeat. It suddenly hit me that I wanted nothing more than to have this baby and raise it with you.”

“Bri,” Justin didn’t have words for the emotions suddenly coursing through him at Brian’s words. Here was a man who for so long dug his heels in about being reminiscent of happy, married heteros and now he was embracing the prospect of having a family with Justin wholeheartedly. Sure, they’d helped guide Gus in his teenage years, but before that Brian had been able to prove his queerness by reminding Justin they weren’t a typical couple.

Brian leaned forward and kissed Justin on the lips. When he pulled back he was smiling. “I hope they are just like you.”

“Considering we have our hands full with your mini me, I’d have to agree.” Justin laughed. “Speaking of which. I want to tell them both.”

Even though Brian didn’t say it, Justin knew he was terrified as hell at the prospect of this new life. Sure, he wanted it, perhaps even as much as Justin, but there was something still scaring him about it all. Brian’s tight hold on his hand as they walked back toward the kitchen proved that.

“Should we do it tonight, over dinner? Or wait?” Brian whispered as they walked.

“I think tonight. We never know when Isaac is going to come around these days.” Justin replied, reaching up to kiss Brian on his cheek.

As they stepped into the dining area just off the kitchen, Justin saw that the boys had set the table and everything was ready to be served. Justin smiled at Gus and Isaac alike. The latter was putting food portions onto four different plates. So, Justin walked up behind him, ruffled his hair, and complimented him on doing a great job. Despite having spent many days at their home over the past 4 years, Isaac still felt insecure whenever he attempted to do something nice for others.

“Wow, dinner looks great. I’m a lucky man.” Brian smiled at Justin, Gus, and Isaac.

“Who are you and what have you done with my father?” Gus looked at Brian’s cheerful demeanor suspiciously. “I thought it was bad enough when you both came home smiling but chalked it up to you probably having a quickie in the cab. But, now it’s just getting weird.”

Justin choked on the water he had just started to sip. Brian snorted and then laughed. “I guess we deserve that. After all, Gus has walked in on us many times.”

“Yeah, but now it’s just weird. You are never this happy. Or if you are, you never show it. Please extract the pod person from your brain so we can go back to normal.” Gus looked between Brian and Justin as the two held hands and smiled at one another.

“Actually, Sonny Boy, there is something Justin and I need to tell you.” Brian muttered, his eyes still on Justin.

Isaac stayed quiet, but started to look nervous. So, Justin let go of Brian’s hand and gave the other teen his full attention. “We wish to tell you as well. After all, you’re part of this family too.”

Isaac smiled a bit at that comment. It warmed Justin’s heart knowing that the love and care he and Brian had given this boy over the years was very much appreciated. He reached over the table and squeezed Isaac’s hand.

“Okay. What’s going on? If you guys were splitting up you wouldn’t be smiling about it. Same goes for if Dad’s cancer was back. So what is it?” Gus wasn’t going for patience.

Justin took a deep breath and looked Gus squarely in the eyes. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the sonogram picture. He quietly handed it over to Gus, who immediately grabbed it. Isaac and Gus poured over the image in silence while Justin nervously watched them.

“So, you’ve hired a surrogate? I mean, that’s what Uncle Mike and Uncle Ben did when they had Violet.” Gus glanced from Justin to his Dad. “Why didn’t you tell me you guys were thinking about having a baby?”

“It’s not a surrogate.” Isaac mumbled, then he pointed to the top of the image so that Gus could see. “It’s Mr. Taylor.”

Gus’s face turned from intrigue to shock and back to intrigue in a matter of seconds. He looked up and passed his gaze between his two dads. Justin wished he could tell what Gus was thinking, but much like his father, the teen was adept at hiding his emotions from his face.

“What do you think?” Justin squeaked out. He nervously squeezed Brian’s hand.

“You’re pregnant? That’s a thing?” Gus asked in shock.

“How are you a chemistry major and you don’t know about male pregnancy?” Isaac added his two cents before turning to Brian and Justin. “I’m happy for you guys.”

“Thank you, Isaac.” Justin whispered.

“Look, I know it’s a thing. I just didn’t think my dads could be part of that.” Gus shrugged.

“Why not. They are male, therefore part of the phenomenon.” Isaac shrugged once more, turning back to the food in front of him.

His utter lack of shock or surprise eased a bit of the tension in Justin’s shoulders, but not all of it. After all, Gus had yet to say how he felt about it. Justin bit the inside of his cheek and watched as Gus continued to stare at the sonogram picture.

“Cool.” He shrugged and handed the image back to Justin. Then he dived into his food without another word.

Justin got up from the table. Gus hadn’t outright said he hated the news, but he also hadn’t been enthusiastic for it either. The blond needed some time to himself. Besides, his stomach was resisting the idea of eating anything at the moment. As he sat down on his and Brian’s bed he casually wondered how Brian was handling his sudden departure from the table.

His mind wandered to his own experiences with his father. Justin had always wanted to have kids and to be the best father he could be. When he was younger he’d thought he would emulate his father because the man had always been wonderful toward him. But, then he’d come out and things devolved quickly, forcing Justin to realize he needed to emulate someone else if he ever wanted to be a dad. Then, when things got serious with Brian he knew fatherhood was never going to be anything more than part-time thanks to Brian’s lack of interest in having a child outside of the one he fathered for Mel and Linds.

Justin is pulled from his thoughts by the feel of Brian’s hand on his shoulder. He looked up and saw the older man with concern all over his face. Justin pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, took a deep breath, and forced himself to smile up at Brian.

“I’m sorry.” Justin heaved, trying to avoid the emotions threatening to boil over.

Brian sat down next to him. He pulled Justin against his chest. “Sorrys are bullshit. You’re allowed to be upset.”

“But, Gus didn’t do anything wrong.” Justin mumbled against Brian’s chest. “Besides, he has every right to resent this baby. Considering the evolution of your relationship with him.”

“He can feel how he feels about it, but he still should’ve been more considerate in how he reacted.” Brain rubbed his hand up and down Justin’s back.

“Brian, he didn’t exactly react at all. I’m just being overly sensitive. I’m happy about this so I hoped everyone else would be.” Justin nuzzled his head into Brian’s neck.

“Just give him time. He will come around. You can’t forget he’s still cagey sometimes about the whole arrangement you and I have. He’s a teenager.” Brian shrugged.

Justin pulled back in surprise. “When did you become the logical, steady one in this relationship?”

“I’ve always been mature and logical.” Brian smirked, knowing full well he used to be a petty mess when he didn’t get his way.

“Sure,” Justin chuckled and then stood up. “I’m hungry. Don’t wait for me.”

[fayes-fics]

*slides in late in my socks across the wooden floor* AMA Night you say?!

No, no, I don't think my ask is too bad. You write mostly requests but if you could ever revisit any of your earlier fics, are there any you would want to redo or write a remix of?

Also, any new snippets from upcoming Anthony fics you'd be ok with sharing? Love ya!

Hi lovely (sock sliding) friend! 🫶

Bwhaha never too late to do ama!

Hmm what a great question, Dr Evil lol. 🤔

Do you know what? I don’t think so. Every fic I write is a product of its time and I sort of like that. Some of my early stuff might be a bit cringe, but I haven’t re-read the vast majority to be sure tbh. Once something is posted, it’s rare I reread. How about you? Any of yours that you would want to redo?

The only x reader remix I’ve done so far was a suggestion/request. I’d be open to receiving remix asks when I reopen to requests.

There are certainly universes I’d like to revisit - not change the existing content, but adding to it. Most recently, Mrs Bridgerton has gotten under my skin in a way I can’t quite explain. I get the feeling one day I would like to revisit that world, even if I’m not sure what or how.

In terms of older fics, I don’t know that I’ll ever be done with the Moments one-shots. That family is just too precious to me lolol.

And, as you know, I’m planning to revisit the Are We Friends? world soon 😁

Speaking of Anthony fics, gosh okay. a snippet. Errr a lot of what I have is too spoilery tbh or not even remotely polished enough to share. I’m so so sorry about that, I will get on more right away 🫣 I will try to share a snippet later tonight

Thank you for your ask and my apologies 🥹😁🧡🧡

[hananzaki]

Mik, Madi and Hanan chat and plan for a slice of happiness post doppelgängers trauma.

@stranded-mik @madibyrd

Mik wandered over to one of the bonfires, eager for some easy conversation and an extra warm night. At least the glowing sand made it easy for him to move around at night, like a neon highway from their tent to the main settlement. Mik slipped into an easy jog as he got nearer and nearer, spotting two familiar figures near the fire.

"Hey, if it isn't my favourite ladies," Mik grinned as he approached. "Little jungle reunion, huh? The dream team!" he beamed, looking around to see if Harry was lingering around as well. No sign of her, probably for the best. He offered out his fist to the ladies to tap, if they wanted. He would make the fistbump take off on this damn island.

Mik looked between the two of them, wondering too late whether he was interupting them. If maybe he was shooting himself in the wing. "Unless... I can leave if you two are..." Mik looked between them suggestively, proudly, as if he was the minister asking them to take their vows.

–

Hanan had taken to sitting out each night, either chatting to people over dinner or simply listening to their stories. Now more so than ever she wanted the company of others to help blitz the time away. Madi was easy to talk to, and Hanan didn't necessarily feel the impetus to be overly polite.

In-fact just before they were interrupted she'd been asking Madi, 'how she was diddly doing?' but the question fell to the wayside as a bright, and welcome face loomed. Hanan immediately leapt at the chance to fistbump Mik. "Hey! No totally chill you can come sit with us."

"How is everyone? Post la jungle drama?" Hanan scooted over so there was space for Mik to plop himself down, and turned so she could sit with her legs crossed and face them both. "The sand is real cool huh? I'm obsessed it's the coolest thing to happen out of all of this!" They had to look for silver linings.

–

Madi wasn't really one to sit out by the fire where a lot of people gathered just to hang out and chat with them - she was more comfortable with the people she was close with or just spending the night alone. But she was trying to change that so when she found Hanan, she decided to stay out.

They already interacted before, was in the jungle together, so there was a certain kind of comfortable but also new since they really didn't know each other. "I'm doing--" she started to reply to Hanan when Mik appeared.

Madi quickly turned all red at his words. "What? No, you can join, there's nothing-- nothing like that." She was absolutely not looking at either of them now. "I'm-- doing okay, I guess. Been better before, but-- getting there. What about you guys" And then she added, "The sand is kinda new, not really sure how I feel about it yet."

–

So apparently Mik could join in with them. He sat down in the place Hanan cleared. Hanan seemed very cool about it, while Madi turned red like a cute cherry tomato. He saw her. A little flustered around Hanan. He'd have to corner her alone later and ask her whether she needed any help with wooing Hanan. "Great, it sounds like we're all doing well," Mik smoothly said, choosing to live and believe that tonight. He'd been morbid enough about what had happened. So much so he neatly ignored that Madi had been better, and that Hanan hadn't answered.

"I think the sand is pretty cool, yeah. It makes me feel like we should be throwing an island moon party every night!" Mik grinned, busting out some chill dance moves. He nudged Madi's shoulder, laughing at himself. "You guys ever go to Thailand? The moon parties sure were something. What do you guys think? We could charge admission fees. Like a coconut per entry?"

–

Between Mik’s impending arrival, which then turned into a bright and bubbly golden ray of light, and Madi’s quiet admission of being okay but not quite. Hanan was lost. She blinked between them both feeling a little bamboozled and overdosed as Mik shifted in the sand to get comfortable and Hanan felt every grain do a little dance.

Mik had decided for her that she was okay, which was fine cause honestly Hanan didn’t really fancy opening that topic up! “No, wait what’s a moon party?” She leant forwards, wrapping her hands about her ankles not sure but eager regardless. Though she’d never really been one for parties. “Maybe we need a distraction?”

“I bet we could bottle up the sand! Turn it into island-friendly fairy lights? I uh, I don’t know how we’d get the bottles though.” Hanan pursed her lips, losing her train of thought to this one specific silly unimportant detail.

–

At least Mik didn't press the thing further and Madi felt like she could relax a bit. That was what she wanted - the chance to relax and hang out with people, make some friends. They were already bonded by the Labyrinth and both of them seemed great and fun, just in their own different ways.

"Never been to Thailand before. Never really been outside of the States before getting here, actually," Madi admitted. "But yeah, what is a moon part?" There was something about miners that Madi knew, something about miners' bare backsides up in shafts being called something moon related, but this couldn't just be like that, a naked party, right?

"The bottling up is a good idea, though yeah, not a lot of bottles anymore. I was wondering, though if maybe... I don't know, what if we could make glass out of this sand. Would the glass glow as well? Or it would be just a simple glass?"

–

The dream team was united! Mik beamed happily, grateful for the good vibes that were already brewing up between the three of them. "A moon party is like, these raves they host on Thailand on the beach during a full moon, yeah? I want you to picture like sparklers, glowsticks, fairylights, fire skipping ropes, walking on coals. Like, we've got the beach, we've got the moon..." Mik waggled his shoulders, all big ideas and never one to say no to a party. If he didn't mention the shitload of E and coke he had at his last moon party, or the buckets of alcohol that other people tended to gorge themselves on, who could blame him.

"Hey, hey, hey..." Mik started, as Hanan and Madi rapid fired off two great ideas after one another. "Our own moon party yeah. Hanan, I love the thoughts of glowing sand fairylights. And Madi..." Mik clapped his arm around her shoulder, squeezing her tight as he barked out a cheerful laugh. "You know I run the forge, yeah?" He didn't know that melted sand formed glass, but if she said it did, he'd give it a shot. "We should try it," he suggested, spotting an empty coconut shell. He let go of Madi and grabbed it, scooping it full of sand. "Let's go ladies!" he grinned.

–

“Glowing glass…” Hanan echoed, the thought was super exciting. Would it be reminiscent of radium glassware? She’d only discovered that people had done that fairly recently. Which had inspired an all-night binge consuming everything she could come across for the neon green goblets. “Wait you run the forge Mik? That’s super cool! Did you do smithing before you got here?” Which, given he was from the same era she was meant he was even nerdier than she thought.

“I’ve been making little coconut sugar treats! Could totally make some moon shaped? Keep up with the theme.” That the sort of thing Mik was thinking of for their party? More direct to Madi she asked, “whereabouts in the states where you from? I totally get it. I don’t think I would’ve ever left either if hadn’t have needed to for comps.” That and family, but it wasn’t worth delving into that here and now.

Hanan put a hand to Mik’s shoulder. “Okay, so like maybe we do a test run? Melt the sand down and see if it still glows? This could be so, so cool! Imagine glowing cups for everyone to drink juice out of. Better yet think of the creative opportunities! I never watched that glass Netflix show but someone who’s totally more into all the cool funky art stuff could make some totally cool sculptures.”

–

Okay, so it wasn't a naked party, that was a win, that was good. And really, it could be fun. Fun was what she needed. Granted, at parties usually alcohol came out, but there was a shortage and anyway, she could stay away. Hopefully.

"Oh, I'm from Boston, what about you? Did you move around a lot?" she asked back from Hanan. She wasn't quite sure what comps were, but that wasn't really the point hopefully.

And then Mik was there, announcing he was running the forge and Madi really has been gone from the farm a long time because she had no idea Mik was running the forge. But she was glad to not focus on that, instead focus on the plans. "I don't know much about glass making either, I just know it has to happen at a really high heat. But yeah, we have a forger in our midst, we should do tests and see what we can make happen. It could be fun and soooo pretty. Not that this place needs more things to be pretty, it's already gorgeous, it's just-- you know what I mean. It could be really cool."

–

Mik beamed as Madi called him the forger, that title enough to keep the dream of glowy glass to decorate the festival alive. "That's right ladies, you're talking to the owner-operator of the Hot and Hard forge right here," Mik said with all the pomp and pride of a peacock, jutting his thumbs into his chest. "Darling, you think I ever did something as butch as forging out in the real world?" Mik teased Hanan in his most camp voice, winking at her. "That's the good thing about this place, you know? Get to reinvent yourself, do all sorts of new things." It was a silver lining Mik clung to.

He let the ladies do their little yankie-doodle networking as they walked to the forge, his favourite pet project now that BeachFit was on a hiatus. Mik pulled out the ceramic pot he used for melting metal and started to stack the firepit with wood. "I like the thought of melting shit and seeing what happens, yeah?" Mik asked the women, pulling out his rather newly acquired lighter and getting the fire going. "The way I see it, Madi, you help me make the fire burn real hot, yeah? Hanan, do you think you could like, control the melted glass?" It was a question that had been rattling around Mik's head, whether he could rope in an earth-attuned to help with the metal shaping. "Like, sand is earth, right? And this is just going to be hot, sticky sand?"

–

Even Hanan couldn't help but giggle at Mik's attempt at an ever so camp suggestion over the forge. "Hey! I don't really know what you did or didn't do." Though she had an inkling because she'd listened to a podcast about him. She turned to Madi, her smile flowing into something a little warmer and less over exaggerated. "Oh! Boulder, sorta technically." If it was a question of where she'd grown up, which usually was what people wanted to know. Place of birth wasn't so-so exciting when she'd scarcely ever spent time there.

"I have nooo idea if I can control the sand but hey! It's worth a shot isn't it? I'm still so new to everything, every time I think I'm making improvements something totally unexpected happens!" Hanan smiled, happy either way to help out though she imagined Mik and Madi would be more in tune with the forge. The real dream team.

[apatchedupdoll]

There’s a lot on Tumblr that I didn’t know I needed in my life. It gets distracting, but then sometimes it flares me up into wanting to make more. It drives me to want to make, either the art style, the ideas, the stories, or something else that makes me want to create. Even if it’s not drawing it could be writing or something else. That being said! Here’s todays art dump <3

This is pretty much finished, I may add some detail and touches later, but so far I’m happy with it.

The Komoraku or whatever I’m gonna call it is also going okay. I’ve colored everything, I just need to start adding detail, maybe a little more color differations but it seems to be going on fine. I’ll probably finish this tonight after I work.

Oh look! Turtle ocs? Nah it couldn’t be. Totally not a bunch of characters I made for the Prisoner’s Bale story. But seriously this is a lot of fun. This is pretty much the first iteration of the family so things could massively change before anything is set in stone. I’ve already changed Tobi’s age like 3 times already. I’m not totally convinced by Sophie’s design and Alex’s patters need some work for sure. There are a few other things I’m thinking about but you’ll have to wait for those changes to find out.

So why am I showing off the characters of Prisoner’s Bale? Well if I haven’t said or made it clear in my last posts (idk man sometimes I don’t make things easy) I’ve decided I’m going to make a comic for the story. Unlike Oh, Where Have You Been Brother? this one will be thought out very extensively. Think of this as sharpening my blade before I even try the Mother’s Land comic. ‘But wait, if you’re making two stories for rottmnt, then why are you making something that doesn’t relate at all?’ I hear you ask curiously while trying to get the cookie jar from the top of the fridge while I start to monologue. Ah, well I really like rottmnt and (as much as I’m happy we’re getting a new movie) I really don’t want to let it go just yet. I find fanfictions are the perfect way to help skills develop. If you’ve seen my Oh, Where Have You Been Brother? you may notice my writing skills are shit. I’ve also realized I tend to write myself into corners without realizing it before the last minute and have to rewrite almost everything, in fact I had a plan and when I posted the latest chapter I realized, oh wait oh shit fuck that means that this won’t work so that means oh god oh fuck shit fuck! I’ll let you guess what I fucked up lol. The point is I’m using my love of TMNT to help me develop better skills for projects that don’t need and can’t have the crutches fanfictions give. Does that mean all TMNT fanfictions do this? No, but this is what I use it for. I just feel like acknowledging it is good and something I shouldn’t be ashamed of.

So that’s my ramble. I hope y’all like the art. Maybe you found something useful and relatable hehehe. Oh and chapter 5 of OWHYBB is on its way. I can see it being finished around Thursday, but spring break is also over tomorrow so bleh! Things will def slow down when writing, still will have daily art uploads. Have a good day! I hope y’all remember not to eat too many cookies!

[abusedandromeda]

Speaking of my current mom

I know I’ve been gone for a bit, but I’ve been pretty busy recently so before I get more busy, I’ve decided to write about a memory that’s been popping up tonight. Recently, my PTSD has been pretty chronically bad lately (not really ramping up, but I’ve been having flashbacks daily) and with my depression combined, it’s been hard to write but I’m feeling a bit better today for reasons I’ll go over later in this post, but this post will have something more positive at the end, but trigger warning for temporary abandonment at the beginning. Anyway, let’s get into it!

I think I’ve referencing the fact that I ran away in 7th grade. Many parents assume that when kids run away that “they think they know better” or “they think they can live on their own” and although I can’t say ALL kids have the same reasons, the reason I ran away was to basically die. I knew I wouldn’t make it out there. It was December and it was actually pretty cold. I had no plans to go to a shelter, I just planned on going out to a field and starving to death or whatever I thought I had planned. Unfortunately, I never explained to my birth parents that due to the fact that I knew they’d twist it around on me. My birth father threatened to kick me back out into the blizzard (that was just starting) while my birth mother just told me I was so ungrateful and “grown”.

I won’t go into what happened while I was running away because it’ll be a bit much for me right now, but for weeks after that, my birth mother gave me the silent treatment. The only time she spoke to me was to basically yell at me. Not once did she say I love you back (while I was basically forced to say it because it would be “impolite” and “ungrateful”). I remember her yelling at me one day while dropping me off at school, insinuating that I ruined her marriage. She said basically that she and her husband couldn’t sleep in the same bed anymore “because of what I did”. And the only other time she spoke to me was to yell at me for not saying good morning to her (even though, when I did, she wouldn’t even say anything back).

There’s another post about what happened when she tried to give me the silent treatment a second time, but unfortunately, it was nothing like that post. I was distraught. I wanted her to love me again. I tried to give her what she wanted. I tried to act happy, told her good morning, good night, and I love you. I know I was only a teenager but I still get irritated with younger me around this time like c’mon. Did you really need her love THAT much? :/

Regardless, this only went on until my grandparents came for a visit for winter break, then the bitch had the audacity to go on like she didn’t treat me like shit because I literally was planning to end myself.

The memory that sticks with me along with others during this time was after school. I had no clubs, and I was just waiting on a bench near the door of my middle school. The entrance was full because it was chilly even though the sun was out. People left. I waited an hour. I had adults come up to me and ask if my parents were coming to get me. I said yes. Because I genuinely thought there was no way she’d just abandon me. I honestly thought the whole reason, at the time, that she was angry at me for running away was because she was worried for my safety. I mean, the world isn’t safe for a lonely black girl, right?

So I kept waiting. The adults were getting worried. I waited for two hours. I wanted to text or call her, but I was terrified. Scared that I’d finally get my answer that she didn’t care about me, or scared that I’d get in trouble for bothering her. But, looking back, I think my waiting was an answer enough. Her angry and need for control was more important than her love for me and my own safety. Like I knew she hated me, she literally told that to me to my face when I was 9 but damn, it still hurt. So, after two hours, I just called my birth father. His shock only adding more hurt, because I think it just confirmed it. There was no way I’d be left there without it being deliberate. She was watching tv on the couch when I came home. My brother was already home too. That was actually the only time I was left at school. Because even when she was busy with work, she’d ask the school to allow me on the school bus or one of her friends to pick me up.

To this day, I don’t know how this wasn’t a wake up call. I get angry thinking about myself clinging onto her, begging her to understand and love the real me when I didn’t need it at all. But, hind site is 20/20, and some people don’t realize it until way later in life. This shit stuck with me too. My birth mother was once an hour late picking me up as a freshman during highschool and I nearly had a panic attack. I had to be comforted by my alters by them saying “well you didn’t do anything wrong this time” and it fucking sucks when your safety is dependent on how they feel about you.

Even though I’ve been having this flashback all day, I think the only break I got from it was with my current mom. I got done cooking with her earlier this evening. It was nice. Have you ever had a parental figure that you could tell anything to and not have it used against you? Have you ever had a parental figure worry about you not just physically, but mentally? With my mom, I can just talk about anything. Plans for body modifications, plans for the future, just anything and she’d always be so supportive.

When I fall off of diets, she tells me there’s always next time. When I want to try new foods, she says it doesn’t hurt to try. When I want to cut myself, I can tell her and she’d offer to spend time with me while walking outside or playing video games. If I ever have a problem with her, I tell her. And she’d always take my concerns into consideration. When I talk about me being worried about the golden child amongst my siblings because of my mental health, she’s never called me ungrateful. She always been patient with me, reminding me multiple times about appointment or small things to do when I forget due to my mental illnesses even when it’s exhausting. She doesn’t baby me, but she doesn’t just leave me alone. She gives my siblings and I the same amount of love and attention even though she’s a single mom of three. And she never once compared us to each other. She said she’ll never marry because her last girlfriend emotionally abused us so my mom gave her a black eye and a broken arm.

She always says I’m a handful, but she says she’ll never stop being my mom. She always says she’s in it for the long hall. And, honestly, when grow up with a birth mother whose love is dependent on how good you’re doing in school, if you have a mental illness, if you’re queer, etc. you start appreciating the mom that not only accepts and loves you, but sees you. Like I have someone doesn’t see me as a “smart black female future engineer” when I get an A or a “selfish, prideful, dramatic, attention seeking princess” when I self harm or get a C in class, I have someone that ALWAYS just sees me, whether it’s good or bad.

Anyway, sorry for rambling and getting all mushy near the end. It just feels nice and I just feel like I don’t appreciate my mom enough. And I know it probably looks like the bar is literally on the floor, but I also want to be grateful for what I have and not always focus on what I don’t have. So, thank you so much for reading and good night.