#I’m not tagging cause they’ll find me either way

[bethannangel]

I was saying how short n’ sweet was doing a digital variant for $5 and how great it was and my sister was like yeah, it’s great for like 13 year olds. And I’m like no, it’s great because it’s a one time payment for 1 song while in comparison to how ttpd comes out with a variant with 2-3 songs every 3 weeks for $20+ and my sister was offended.

She was like “you don’t have to pay that every time, you can just wait for it to hit YouTube…

Yeah. Same with Sabrina. But hers is $5 for 1 song. While the other is handling it with an average of $7-10 a song and that’s continuously happening.

[romanarose]

If You Wanna Be Wild: Chapter 8

Co-written with @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction my beloved Fen, who I could not do this without. Thank you for being my emotional sounding board, my dear friend, my wonderful cowriter and helpful beta reader. I adore you.

Javier Peña x Latina!Reader/oc x Santiago Garcia

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Summary: Santi wallows and Candy is hurt.

Content and warnings for whole fic, not chapter by chapter unless something is added: Sex work, drug trade, some drug use/pressured used, sex workers and the mistreatment/stigma surrounding them specifically in the 70’s (my blog is sex worker positive) but ima put potential dub con depending how you look at it as a sex worker who works with dangerous men, some action surrounding reader and the guys and the drug trade, SMUT HEAVY, corruption kink (were corrupting santi here, he’s young, 25), no loss of virginity tho, threesomes, some slight m/m smut but that’s not the focus here, but as you know this blog is an lgbt blog so I’m always open to gay shit. Talk of war and some PTSD but I won't be going a whole lot into it. Covert/emotional incest in the past, Santi's mommy issues, m/m dynamics, internalized bi/homophobia

Reader speaks Spanish and has hair. I've decided Candy is just latina bc she's a sex worker in Colombia so this is what I'm doing. Reader also has curly hair and dark skin.

ADDITIONAL WARNINGS!: Deep internalized homophobia

Amazing smut by Fen as always!!! send love their way!!!

2.3k words

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Santi flinched when he heard another plate crash against the wall, thrown by mamí’s hand and hurdled towards his sister. They were screaming at each other again, and it was bad this time. Elaina had been caught by a neighbor boy's mom, naked in bed with that neighbor boy and brought her to mamí for punishment. Santi had woken from his sleep to the knock, and when he opened his eyes to see Elaina’s bed was empty, he knew it was her. It was always her. Why couldn’t she listen? Why couldn’t she just behave? She caused mamí so much stress when she already worked so hard. Look where they were, the three of them living in a small 2 bedroom apartment, the two siblings were still sharing a room at 14 and 10. She needed to do better for mamí.

“Libertina!” Mamí shouts, slapping Elaina across the face. “How dare you disrespect me! How dare you embarrass your brother!”

Santi didn’t feel embarrassed. Should he feel embarrassed? Mamí said it was embarrassing. Yeah, yeah he felt embarrassed. Humiliated even.

“Mamí! Just listen! I’m trying to talk to you!” Elaina is crying, crumpled clothes had noticeable tearing at the collar. 

“Callate!! No quiero escuchar a una puta fea!” Mamí reaches for her shoe. Santiago closes his eyes, clenching his little hands up into fists, squeezing them every time he hears the smack.

*

When it was all said and done, Elaina was sobbing in her bed, and Santiago was pulled onto his mother's lap. He had the distinct feeling he was too old for this, but he didn’t protest. Mamí didn’t like when he said he was too old for something, or grew out of anything. He outgrew a pair of jeans last week and she cried about how soon he’d find another woman and leave her. She said he was hers. Her little man. Her esposito. Her Santito.

Mamí held him close, arms wrapped around his body as they watched TV, up past his bedtime, telling him how good he was, how he could never leave her.

“Don’t you ever leave, Santito, bueno? No woman will ever love you like I do. They’ll only hurt my baby. They won’t cook for you, women anymore don’t take care of their men. They don’t clean either. I’ll take care of you, always, just never leave me for another woman. As long as you are my good esposito, I’ll take care of my Santito.”

*

Santi would leave, eventually, but not for another woman. He left to join the military to pay for his mom's bills when she wasn’t making ends meet as she got sicker. Elaina took care of her, despite everything she put Elaina through. Elaina became someone Santi admired deeply, seeing her for who she was. She wasn’t the problem child. She wasn’t a menace. She was a normal kid. It was Santi that was strange. The guys in the force razzed him over his relationship with his mom, telling him his wife wrote him when a letter from his mom came. They also made fun of him for going to mass weekly or more, for praying even in the field, for not fucking the local women they encountered, but being called gay wasn’t anything new to him. He was called that in high school, along with a myriad of racial slurs.

Frankie never made fun of him, neither did Will. Ben did, but it was just friendly, nothing mean. Nothing like Tom. Will was religious, raised baptist and respected Santi’s ongoing commitment. Ben was a bit of a mama’s boy too, just not as bad as Santi. Frankie didn’t have a relationship with his family, so he thought it was sweet.

Santi thought it was normal. It was normal to constantly worry what your mom thought, whether or not you acted on it.

When Santi finally left his mom's grasp after she fell asleep on the couch, he felt a tightness in his chest. There was a sense that something was deeply wrong for laying there with his mom, a feeling that he was too old, that he didn’t want to do that anymore… but then a deep guilt for leaving her for the comfort of his own bed. He never knew what the right choice was, constantly second guessing every move he made when he went to war with his own wants and his mom's. Cracking the door to the room he shared with Elaina in their small apartment, he heard her crying. At first, he considered going back to the couch where mamí lay… but in addition to being mamí’s esposito he knew he needed to be there for Elaina too.

When he lay in his bed, Elaina eventually spoke. “She didn’t even ask what happened.” She sobbed. “I didn’t want to… I didn’t, but he- he- he, and his friends…” She broke down in heavy heaves once again, crying as the welts mamí gave her began to show in the moonlight and Santi began to realize what had happened to her. When she began to calm down, Elaina turned to him, her face set in anger he didn’t think was directed at him but he could never tell.

“Don’t you ever do that to a woman, do you hear me? If I ever catch you acting like that, I swear to god Santi, I swear to god…”

She never did finish that sentence, and Santi didn’t sleep that night, but he promised. He would never disrespect a woman, never. He would be a better man than their dad, than the men who did that to his sister. He’d make mamí and Elaina proud, he’d follow the word of God. He’d be good for his mamí. He’d make her proud. He’d be her good Santito.

*

“Good boy, Santito”

Cold ran down his back, through his torso and into his heart where it pumped the icy anxiety into every vein. He felt sick. Santi thought of his mom, thought of what she must think of him right now, what Jesus must think of him… in bed with a woman who isn’t his wife, kissing a man, feeling his erection in his pants as their bodies pressed into each other… and Elaina, what would she think of soliciting a prostitute?

He needed to go. He had to go. He had to get out of this room and maybe throw up and maybe switch jobs and go to confession and punish himself… he caused Candy to sin, he caused Javi to sin, if they go to hell it’s his fault, he’s going to hell, he’s going to burn in hell now and-

Santi realized he was already walking down the street, not remembering how he got there. He paid her right? Did he? Great now he was a sexual sinner and a thief. What was wrong with him? So many things… so many things…

Tucking himself into an ally, he doesn’t make it far before he starts throwing up, the little food he’s been able to get down coming back up. This is why his pants were falling off. He was a fucking disaster. He was a failure to everyone around him, he couldn’t even catch Lorea. There was no stopping the tears that came as he laid down on the disgusting floor. There was a needle by his leg and Santi was pretty sure someone had defecated nearby but he wasn’t in control of his own body anymore. The guilt was crippling, the sadness exhausting… He wanted to call Javi, Javi would make it better… but there was no better, was there?

It wasn’t going to be better.

Santi laid there until the sun set.

Javi opens his front door on the fourth knock, not bothering to check who is there before he flings it open, a scowl plastered to his features. 

His expression quickly softens when he sees you. Sees the redness to your eyes. 

“Cand-”

“Can I come in?” You cut him off quickly, you don’t want to see that sympathetic look, you don’t want to see worry in his eyes. This isn’t about that. 

You swallow down your emotions, force them down. Don’t think about Santi, don’t think about Santi, don’t think about Santi. 

You push past him before he can even answer, ducking under his arm that is holding open the door. 

“I… yeah?” He turns, shutting it and following you as you walk into the room. “What-”

Enough questions. You don’t need questions. 

You kiss him forcefully, slipping your tongue past his lips and lightly walking him backwards. 

Taken by surprise, he goes with the kiss, groaning softly. Your lips only break apart as you push him back onto his sofa. 

He tries again to speak. Tries to break through the shield you’ve put up. 

You don’t let him, dropping quickly to your knees between his legs and palming him through his joggers. 

He bites back a moan, eyes closing for a second as his body reacts on autopilot. His cock twitches under the warmth of your hand.

You don’t let him compose himself, pulling his soft dick from his clothes and quickly lean forward and take him into your mouth. 

He hardens quickly, growing as you swallow and bob until he nudges at the back of your throat. You groan, swirling your tongue as you deep throat him, taking him deeper. 

Javi’s moans grow in volume, mutters of praise slipping past his lips as the sounds rumble in his chest.

“Santi…” you whine as you come hard against him.

 “I wasn’t finished.” He smiles cheekily.

“Good boy, Santito.”

You choke, spluttering for a second as you breathe at the wrong time. 

“Baby,” Javi pulls you off him, salvia drinks down your chin as he takes your face in your hands. Worry in his eyes. 

That fucking look again.

“What’s wrong?” 

“I was just wondering if you… wanted some company tonight…” You say softly. “Free of charge?”

You hold his gaze as he looks over your face. You know that expression too. The one of a detective. You just wanted a distraction, and he could give it.

But after a moment he nods and doesn’t press further. 

You pull off your clothes quickly and climb into his lap when Javi has barely taken off his t-shirt. You waste little time, taking him again in your hand and pumping twice between you line yourself up with him and sink down. 

He groans, screwing his eyes up tight. 

You shiver. He’s big, and even though you’re used to him your body still reacts a little in surprise, clenching and hampering your intentions. 

You frown, wriggling, trying to take more and more even and fight the resistance. 

When Javi’s eyes meet yours you want to scream. To cry. 

You don’t want those soft eyes. You don’t need them.

Oh god, how much you need them. 

He doesn’t speak, doesn’t push. Simply rubs his thumb against your clit while his other hand holds your hip and stops you from trying to sink further down. 

It takes less than a minute for a spark of pleasure to run along your skin, for your hips to rock and for you to throw your head back in a soft moan. 

He gently pushes you down onto him, filling you and stretching you wide before he moves and flips you onto your back on the sofa with him above you. 

He thrusts slow and deep until you're digging your nails into his back and sobbing his name as he sucks bruises into your neck in time with the rapid rock and grind of his hips. 

“Javi…” You tense, gasping as your pleasure crests suddenly, overpowering and relentless. Robbing you of thought for one blissful moment. 

“That’s it, bebé, that’s it…” He whispers into your ear, slowing his thrusts but not stopping completely, letting you breathe and recover for a minute before he starts to build up again. “I’ve got you.” 

When you’ve settled, naked on his chest, Javi holds you close. He has a way of sensing when you need him, of when you need the extra touch and he’s there to give it.

A gentle kiss to the tip of your ear. “Do you wanna talk about it, Candy?” His voice was soft, letting you know you don’t have to answer. But you did, because it was Javi, your Javi, and you needed him.

“Santi’s mad at me.” You sniffle, clinging to him as the tears come for the hundredth time. “I- I don’t know what I did, but he just left- he left right after we… he wouldn’t even look at me, and he won’t talk me and it’s stupid, Javi I know it’s stupid because he’s a client, he’s just a client but, but-”

“Candy.” Long fingers tangle in your hair. “I know hes not just a client. It’s okay. You’re human. It’s normal for you- for us- to feel things… and I know how it feels to… feel… for him…”

You pause at that, then finally pull yourself off his sticky skin to look down at him. Your hair falls around, closing off the two of you to the world. “You… do?”

The look Javi gave you made your heart clench tight, something you’ve never seen in him. Worry. 

He gives a small nod. “He’s um… not talking to me either. I… kissed him… on friday. And he ran away so… I don’t think this is about you.”

You regard him curiously. You weren’t stupid, you were aware that those two were making goo goo eyes at each other for months, so this wasn’t a huge shock, and you and Javi were both on the same page of who gave a shit if someone was gay. You’d fucked plenty of girls during threesomes and group sex, and Javi…. Well, live and let live sort of man. But you didn’t expect the kiss at all.

Rolling over, you flop onto the bed beside him.

“You know how he is… guilt over everything… just a ball of anxiety. I wish… I wish I could take it away from him. I do. I wish I didn’t feel the way I did, but I do. It’s all gotten so… complicated.”

Javi’s hand takes yours, giving you a squeeze. “Yeah. it has.”

***************

thanks so much for waiting!!!!! it's been 5 ever, but not for lack of trying on my part. its been one thing after aother and then all of a sudden its been like 6 months????

anyway thank you to fen for everything, y deepest love to you always!!!!!!!

2 chapters left!!!!

love santi? want him dark?

Love Santi? Want him soft?

Joel handmiads tale au?

Want some dark logan howlett?

@runa-falls @lunar-ghoulie @campingwiththecharmings @whatthefishh @persephone-girl @criticalarchitecture @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @beelzebeth87 @pimosworld @millerscoffee @heareball @thatwonderouswoman @poolboydivision @meveispunk @lovable-liar @millllenniawrites @read-and-wip @missdictatorme @the-fox-den @milkymoon2483 @k-ra @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @rosellacwrites @legendary-pink-dot @dreamingofbucky @englandsgray @starsthatwatch @fairlyang @alwaysmicado @theywhowriteandknowthings @casa-boiardi @lostfleurs @ninebluehearts @puglover12 @sub-aro @laiisleiite @itspdameronthings @heareball @comfortlessjoy @csarab615 @calaveramangonda @bit-dodgy-innit @stevngrant @kirsteng42 @mrsjavierp @nanfafnan @lovable-liar @axshadows @cookielovesbook-akie @reallyrallyauthor@solar-fics

[tojisparasite]

TW- feet, God, power imbalance, kidnapping, dub-con, master/slave dynamic

A/N- Hiii (´∀｀) !! just wanted to quickly tag @naoyasgf for the foot idea AND giving me her thoughts on this imagine. i hope whoever reads this enjoys it as well <3 Thank you! there is one typo here that i missed and can’t seem to find so sorry abt that! ^^

𓆩My god, my tourniquet𓆪

a world where your f/o is a god(dess) amongst men and has been for well over a thousand years…

the people adore them, their preachers are considered enlightened and stand within their good graces! but your f/o seems almost bored of all the devotion and never-ending attention. some prayers are being answered depending on how merciful they want to be that day or they even cause disaster to happen within your mortal world. they did what they wanted and they indulged in that every second of each day.

all this peace and destruction they bring into the world and they still feel a sort of emptiness, someone as highly thought about and well-loved should never feel empty or dissatisfied! it irks them greatly because no matter how many souls they reap out of their own pure selfishness or how many miracles they cause nothing feels fulfilling.

they decide to go into the human world to go searching for what this could be the cause of, perhaps there were people fighting against their word?

as they walk the streets everything seems to be in order, there are more worshippers than non-believers… thankfully.

then you bump into them, you must have been running late or running from someone or something! either way, you didn’t even notice the figure in front of you—how careless of you to not feel the essence of your own god(dess) up close.

when they took a look at the person who so rudely ran into them they felt something they have never felt since their creation… they don’t know what it is yet it disgusts them, or so they think.

“I’m sorry!” you shout as you returned to dashing down the crowded streets in the middle of the day. where you were going, they didn’t know; not yet at least.

they spent the most of their day in the mortal world deep in thought, what was it about you of all humans that made them feel so… odd?

eventually they go back to their kingdom that was light years away from your world, their personal servants ready to serve as always. your f/o dismisses them, they didn’t want lowly servants to serve them any more…

they wanted you to serve them.

it could only make sense! they were so empty because they were in need of a new servant, and you were so cute, absolutely clueless of the situation you got yourself into. it made them desire your presence and your servitude even more.

your f/o wasted no time to appear into your home—finding you was not at all difficult, they simply had to think of your clueless little face and now know everything about you.

“you poor thing, not at all meant for the human world.” they lowered themself to coo into your ear, you were in such a deep sleep. you must’ve been comfortable knowing your god(dess) was coming to rescue you from the mortal world, you were so willing already and that made something in them feel alive—this was as close as they could get to feeling what a mortal felt when they saw the thing or person they adored.

without hesitation they cradled you, keeping you in a protective embrace. before you could open your eyes, there you were. in the holy kingdom, the world you only heard about in scriptures and sermons.

“did i… did i die?” your voice was so soft it was hardly audible had you not been in the arms of your f/o.

your f/o chuckled and shook their head, reassuring you that you are not quite dead—but you won’t be returning ‘home’ anymore. home was with them! aren’t you grateful?

you seemed to have adjusted as well as you possibly could, learning you duties as a servant. but when your f/o was bored they’ll pull you onto their lap, saying it was an order that you had to stay put right their with them.

your new life didn’t seem too bad, you were the beloved companion/servant for your f/o. no one bothered you and you didn’t bother them, you remained at the side of your god(dess).

eventually, all your thoughts turned to pleasing them and only them. some days you fulfilled their wishes, no matter how strange it was—be it kissing almost every crevice of their body, bathing them, feeding them. occasionally they would force you to be doted on by them, they would claim you’re terrible at taking care of yourself.

months pass (at least you’d assume so), and your f/o has a peculiar request for today.

“get on your knees and kiss my feet.”

“what?”

your f/o had a small sneer forming already, irritated by your question. you never dared question them till now. why now? why not when you had to bathe the body of a thousand year old being? you genuinely drew the line at kissing their feet?

“did i stutter? grovel beneath me and kiss my feet.” they spoke firmly while gripping the back of your hair, pushing you downwards till you were on your knees at last. they sat back down in their seat to watch as you stared up at them with glossy eyes and flushed cheeks—you were humiliated and they loved it.

“you look pathetic here stop looking at me.” they rolled their eyes and tapped their shoe against your lips, “go on.”

your hands trembled as you took hold of their ankle, pressing a small kiss to the material.

“you can do better than that,” they scoffed and rolled their eyes, “you don’t kiss the rest of my body like that. are you basically saying you don’t love your god(dess)?” they questioned. they felt almost insulted by your reluctance but managed to keep their cool. see how benevolent they could be towards you?

“no! but—” your voice crackled whilst you tried to explain yourself.

“then properly kiss it.” they pressed the shoe against your lips harder this time, your teeth indenting on the insides of your mouth. they refused to hear any pathetic excuse you tried to muster up.

you swallowed a thick pool of saliva before obliging and kissing their shoe better.

you couldn’t even begin to think about why they wanted this. there was never no reasoning or explanation for their desires, if they want it they got it. no questions asked.

you pressed a more meaningful kiss to the tip of the shoe, then another, then one more for good measure; all while keeping their ankle in your grasp.

they loved how obedient you were, how eager you were to please them. they loved you so much in their own twisted little way.

you took it up a notch slightly and removed their shoe, then their sock. pecking the sole of their foot. warm, wet trails were being left behind from your soft and delicate lips.

“you love this don’t you? worshipping your god(dess). kissing my foot that graces the ground you and i share? this is the closest you’ll get to feeling like my equal, pet.” they let out a soft chuckle. they were amused by your seemingly innocent obedience. no matter how much time has passed to them you’ll always look like their clueless pet.

meanwhile, all you did was press more kisses all around their foot. humming in response as a way to signal that you agreed with them. how could you disagree with someone who could end you without a second thought.

seeing how well you responded to this command, they looked forward to pushing you for the sake of another disgusting desire.

- Cherub 🐾🍡

[carangel]

LISTEN

This is so damn specific I find it hard to even IMAGINE it in an X reader because when u play with reader aus we all know they’re basically ocs

And I don’t play with the whole X reader in the tags and it’s actually an oc

BUT IMAGINE AN ANTIHAREM:

Where it’s the basic, you’re the ‘friend’ who gets invited in and everyone dogs on u cause little miss liar can’t stop making herself look good.

Like geez narc much

But I want to expand more on the aspects of souls, soulmates and aus

Listen, I’m a firm believer in the whole ‘soulmate = compatibility not destiny’

and somehow this woman matches the soul frequency of ALL the boys

But like LISTEN, y’all ever like been listening to music and like, you’re imagining AMV’s and animation memes for your oc??

I’d like to think here, soul frequencies are just instrumentals, or at least one HALF is

Example: I HEAR A SYMPHONY

One soul is the lyrics, one soul is the instruments

Or yk, instrumental that flows well together

Like, they come together to make a full SONG

EITHER WAY

Ik I’m getting a lil ahead of myself but stay with me even tho I’m realizing how delulu this all sounds

Some how this miss is copying every, single, one

It’s almost as if she already knew the song and knew what to copy

But you can’t do that right? Your soul frequency is your own, right???

But like, what if there was some multidimensional changeling shit going on and she like-

Idk man

Locked away all the au versions of the reader/oc to copy the songs and she switches up when needed

Cause if yk MLP shit yk how changelings copy

And if I was a changeling, having a whole harem that loves and spoils me without question 👀

Seems like a buffet to me

You might be wondering

Cara, Carangel, Ciao (if ykyk)

How would you even set this up? How would the changebitch capture all the alternate yous/mes?

What about the main reader/oc? Wouldn’t they put a wrench in the plans??

Idk

Maybe they figured out in another au and traveled to one where you hadn’t met the boys yet

Unknowing that you were in existence but when they did changebitch was like

Oh if I make them hate her they’ll never know

Idk man

I’m just here for the climax

Where it’s revealed that the ladi is a FRAUD

And I’m not opposed to murder as a punishment

And yk, maybe after the au counterparts are released everyone goes back to their au.

I DO KNOW

End goal would be swap x swap!reader/oc, tale x tale!reader/oc

Ect

[she-karev]

Gender Reveal (Andrew DeLuca x Alex Karev’s Sister)

Age Rating: 12+

Chapters: One of One

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

Ship: Andrew DeLuca x Amber Karev (Alex Karev’s Sister)

Summary: Amber has her 22-week ultrasound with Andrew where they find out the sex of their baby.

Words: 1419

August 3rd, 2022

“Life at The Burrow was as different as possible from life in Privet Drive.” Andrew reads out loud Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets in bed leaning down face to pregnant stomach. Amber is sitting up reading a fetal development book while her husband tries to get their unborn child to sleep inside her womb for the night.

Ever since the baby started kicking two weeks ago Amber has grown restless due to the baby kicking at all hours of the night. She found out quickly that Andrew speaking to the baby helps put it to sleep. So, every night she gives him a book for him to read to the baby which he does without hesitation knowing his wife gets crankier when she doesn’t get her beauty rest.

“The Dursleys liked everything neat and ordered; the Weasleys’ house burst with the strange and unexpected. Harry got a shock the first time he looked in the mirror over the kitchen mantelpiece and it shouted, ‘Tuck your shirt in, scruffy!’”

“Did you know that at 22 weeks the baby’s hair starts to form?” Amber says intrigued from reading her book, “So there is someone else’s hair inside me right now. Along with lungs, ears, a head and a tiny body. It’s freaky. I wonder if this is how most mothers think or I’m just uniquely morbid.”

“Do you want me to answer that honestly?” Andrew asks causing Amber to raise an eyebrow down at him, “Has the baby finally gone to sleep?”

“For the moment.”

Andrew sighs in relief closing the book, “Thank god I was getting worried I was gonna have to read till birth.”

“You should be so lucky Chamber of Secrets has a twist you and the baby will never see coming.” Amber closes her book to get ready for sleep placing a pillow between her legs while lying on her side, “My ultrasound is tomorrow, are you gonna make it this time or am I gonna have to tweedle my thumbs impatiently again?”

“I will make it this time I swear.” Andrew moves to spoon Amber from the back looping his arm around her stomach and kissing the side of her head, “We get to find out the sex, do you want to?”

“Of course I do, gender neutral paints are ugly and they’ll probably make the baby vomit. Do you have a preference? Boy or girl?”

“Healthy will do.” Andrew says with conviction, “What about you? Are you hoping for a girl to play dolls with or a boy to do laser tag with?”

“Who says girls don’t like laser tag? Keep up with the times buddy.”

Andrew chuckles, “Still are you secretly hoping for one or the other?”

“Well I grew up with two brothers so that made me eager to have a girl to play with.” Amber scrunches her face as another thought comes to her, “But I’ve had practice handling boys too so it should be a breeze if we have a little Theo.”

Andrew furrows his eyebrows, “Theo?”

“Yeah, Theodore was like family to me and naming kids after beloved family members is the way to go.”

Andrew chuckles, “Yeah but Theodore’s not a family name, Theodore was the name of a stray cat you fed scraps to from time to time.”

“I didn’t have any grandparents.” Andrew grins caressing his wife’s pregnant belly, “What about you? Any good grandfather names?”

“Um Michelangelo and Leonardo?”

Amber raises an eyebrow at him behind her, “So we’ll name our kid after a teenage mutant ninja turtle?”

Andrew rolls his eyes, “5 years together and you still don’t know the names of famous Italian artists? How did you get me to marry you again?”

“It was either you or a random resident.” Amber snaps causing Andrew to mock groan.

“Wow those hormones make you more capable of kicking a man down. Maybe I should have invested in a bomb shelter after all.”

Amber chuckles before folding her hand into Andrew’s that is spread out across her stomach. They fall asleep in each others arms cocooned into the lull of the night anxious for the ultrasound tomorrow and how the baby is doing.

The Next Day

“Have you been taking it easy at work?” The OB, Linda, asks Amber DeLuca who is laying down on the table in her bright pink scrubs that are stretched out due to her pregnant belly. Since the residency program is shut down Amber has decided to take up Jo’s offer to transfer to the OB department for the time being.

She feels it’s not as challenging as surgery, but Amber acknowledges that it’s a relaxing position for her while she is pregnant. Also she can see up close how other parents prepare for their impending baby that proves to be helpful due to this being her first.

However, she finds it annoying that she has to wait for Andrew at every appointment due to being held up at surgery. She is both envious that he gets to cut and peeved that he can’t find the time to go to these appointments with her even though he insists she schedules them every time. As if he heard her thoughts he rushes inside with a remorseful look.

“Hey, I’m sorry I’m late, the nurse took too long to prep without a resident, but I am here and I swear this is the last time I will be late.”

Amber purses her lips, “Yeah, I heard that at the last ultrasound. I’m telling you right now if you show up late to the birth I’ll throw the amniotic sac at you.”

Linda clears her throat and they turn to her, “As I was saying to your wife, have you been taking easy like I suggested? Less hours? Less stress?”

“OB isn’t surgery, so it’s pretty laid back, all I do is show up hold my hands out and catch. I’m essentially a football player in horribly colored scrubs.” Amber says bitterly causing Andrew to grin down at her.

“Well, I think you look good in pink, better than either of our sisters. Don’t tell them I told you that though, next to you they scare me the most.”

Amber grins shaking her head, “I can already see which one of us is gonna be the disciplinarian. Can we get this show on the road? I’m dying to know if I’m carrying a little Andrew or Andrea.”

“Andrea is a very popular boys name in Italy for your information. But yes we want to know so we can get to work on baby names.” Andrew stands by watching as the OB squeezes gel on Amber’s exposed stomach before waving the wand around. They watch the screen to their right that Linda operates excitedly as a visual of their baby shows up on the screen.

The blurry black and white images would look nonsensical to a normal couple. But for doctors like Andrew and Amber they immediately recognize all of the parts of their baby that appear in front of them. Andrew looks at the image amazed as does Amber who smiles at it.

“Okay I see a head, there’s only one.” Amber confirms inspecting her child, “How’s the heart?”

“BP is normal, you can even see the little heart beating right there, do you see it?” Linda points it out.

Andrew sees the little heart, “Wow, look at that. Hey, I think I can see the liver, stomach and kidneys.”

“Yes, and they are functioning very nicely but that’s to be expected from having a general surgeon daddy.” Andrew grins holding Amber’s hand.

“Everything’s okay? Everything’s in the right places and working perfectly?” Amber asks Linda.

“Yep, your baby is perfectly fine, and she is perfectly happy given how much she’s kicking in there.”

Amber and Andrew widen their eyes at that with Andrew asking in a low voice, “She? We’re having a girl?”

Linda smiles at their expression, “Yep, that’s your daughter in there.”  

Amber gasps looking down at her gorging belly overcome with knowing she is carrying a girl. Andrew chuckles lightly spreading his palm across her belly happy to know he’s having a healthy daughter with the woman he loves.

Amber smiles at the news, “We’re having a girl, oh wow we’re having a girl.” The couple laugh in unbridled joy before he kisses her, and she responds holding his hand over her belly that is carrying their daughter who keeps kicking as if she is celebrating with them.

[sleepyowlwrites]

writer positivity tag

a tablet engraved in a language I don't know from @365runesoftheamalgamations

What motivates you to write?

literally anything. overall, it's because I have the stories in my head and they're taking up brain space! I need to get them out! and it's fun! and in the moment to moment of it, it's that one singular idea or emotion that was tumblr through my brain spaces and I really want to capture it in THIS story, with THESE characters. so I do that. I like taking things that I couldn't previous convert from wispy colors and spiky feelings into sentences that can impact people, whether in such a way that it makes them giggle or it sucker punches them or whatever. I like to do the thing. and! bonus for me, 'cause at this point, after all these years, I'm really good at it. so that helps.

A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not, maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them):

there's not a thing I'm most proud of. I keep improving, you know, so I keep writing things I'm newly most proud of. but then also, I'm still really, really proud of things that I don't think are that well written anymore, but that represent something for me, some part of who I was or what I was going through. I don't know about "most" but, here's something.

a sketch, bold lines, chromatic (2021)

do you want a self-portrait? I can give you one.

my heart is here, on my sleeve, right next to my elbow. I keep it in a plastic bag so it doesn’t get wet, but you can see it. it’s real, and pulsing, and the love can come out of it just fine. love is not tangible, you see, unless it has already left the heart in which case I can put it in my hands and lay them on your cheeks and then it is very tangible in so far as you will allow yourself to feel it.

I wear my shoes with the laces double knotted and I rarely untie them. I slip them on for work and kick them off when I get home. they fall haphazardly by the door, but they are by the door, kept, not lost, and are ready for use when I need them.

my hair is large around my head until I tie it back, but it curls as it will and I let it, because that is what my hair does. it is mine, and I intend to keep it, no matter what color it is or if it’s only half-braided because I slept on my side. my freckles go away in the winter, but I don’t miss them because I know they’ll return. there’s a small scar beside my eye. it shows more when I’m tired, and it hangs there like a mark on the moon and I’m not ashamed of it. it does not say that I am shadowed, it just means that I fell down as a child.

I drape myself in the colors I like, not the colors I think I appear to be. others will see me and hear me and decide what I am, and I like that I am more than shades of purple to the people outside of my head. I am purple to me, and that’s the most important, but if you see me as yellow and it makes you smile then I accept it with honor, I wear it like a pin beside my chest cavity, a souvenir for when I’m sleeping and my heart has crawled back home.

I can go on. but I know you’re not listening, or seeing, either. I hold out my arm so that my heart beats directly in front of yours and yet you are empty and walled and distant. I can wait outside for you but if you won’t open the door I can’t force my way in. and I won’t try, either.

I wear my heart on my sleeve but it’s up to you to choose to see.

Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them, and what are they like?

I have too many ocs for this, but here's my main guys:

R - dramatic, flirtatious lad, always on the verge of self-destruction until someone pulls him back by needing him. he's 17 and lives like it, one quip at a time. his heart is large and melty, and he just wants to be good, and is learning how to put in the work.

Jet - angry, tired, needing something to live for but unwilling to find it himself. he'll punch all your demons before confronting his own and finds too much exultant delight in the act. he doesn't want to experience emotions but he'll do it for you. and maybe, maybe for himself, as a result.

Nyks - sunshine child. delight of everyone's lives. he's lost his memory and his family but he has friends who love him. is always in need of cuddles and always gets them. encourager extraordinaire. a guardian angel, a baby.

(all my ocs can be found through a handy link in my pinned post if you wanted to hear me talk about some girls, maybe)

What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

draft 0. just writing whatever story comes out first and running with it. is it coherent? is it linear? is it on track to end? who knows! finding out is part of the fun! it's so enjoyable that I spend all my time here.

What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

dialogue is an easy answer. but also setting the tone, showcasing a particular dynamic in a short amount of time, and summarizing a very specific vibe or emotion with one pointed metaphor or paragraph. I do sensory emotion really well, and create whole atmospheres in just a few lines. maybe I don't mention where the heck the characters are but you definitely know what they're feeling (or what the pov is, anyway)

What is something in the writeblr community that is most enjoyable?

having friends! that I don't even just talk about writing with. we have random and strange and wonderful conversations about anything and develop inside jokes and I adopt a lot of them. it's great! and also I love tag games. I'm so slow about doing them because I am *rolls eyes* advancing in years and it takes so much more energy to do stuff *rolls eyes again* but I love them. I hoard them.

A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

scrivener is the best thing. I literally just updated to version 3 today and it's cleaner and smoother. I used onenote all through high school and beyond but then I just stopped? something about it didn't click with me anymore but I needed something with organization. I refuse to write in word or googledocs. so three? years ago I bought myself scrivener for my birthday and it's been amazing.

I do also keep a writing journal (I say journal very loosely) and sometimes bring it with me places and there's all kinds of random thoughts and snatches of scenes and what have you in there. I used to never write by hand because it's so slow, but my brain has changed a bit over the years and now I can write up to like, 4k by hand before I just can't anymore. I usually just do between 400-900 words though.

A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law, etc)

I love that the kids in Youth Story have superpower for literally no reason. I just stuck them in there and they just have them. it turns the slice of life into slice of surreal life and I love it.

and I love the cities in my stories. Sinderport and Rasterpool are the only ones with names at the moment but I have a bunch and they all have character and layouts in my head and specific attributes like being on a river or the gangs or the street slang. for being not a city person I really like to write about them.

and I love the magic in Guild Story. it's unwieldy and tricky and doesn't just "solve problems" and also I just love the three guild houses. they just came to me! and I was like "really, the ya x of x format" but c'mon. House of Favors sounds cool. anyway I gotta write more of this wip it's really interesting.

Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters:

Maybe Sorcery @akindofmagictoo Ember @ashen-crest (buy her books! so good!) Ghosty @zmwrites Idea @oh-no-another-idea Breezy @blind-the-winds Celadon @abalonetea (buy books!) Klaus @kaiusvnoir Klove @klywrites Rainstorm @avrablake Moonink @drippingmoon Stars Books @vellichor-virgo Cozy @ink-fireplace-coffee Glowstick @ellatholmes Ren-rill-ren @ren-c-leyn Rarity @uraniumwriting Sounding @diphthongsfordays Ocelot @ambiguouspuzuma Bender @writing-is-a-martial-art Tangerine @the-orangeauthor and everybody else on the nickname list

but also I love all of my Sleepyheads.

^people feel free to do the tag, and anybody else who sees this, and also maybe @crypticcodexcreations @thegreatobsesso @sarahlizziewrites @thetruearchmagos @sam-glade

[sirenascelestiales]

Honestly, considering the show/writers never acknowledged Daphne’s marital rape of her husband, and they only had a slight acknowledgment of Edwina’s feelings on Kate x Anthony, like I don’t think there will be a satisfactory resolution to Pen’s betrayal of the Bridgertons (Marina/Colin and Eloise/Theo) or of Eloise’s “friendship” with Cressida (and anything else she might do as “revenge”).

I think they’ll blow over the latter “I said I’d rather die than be her friend and I still mean it” and hugs all around or some other scene like that (which I know is simple and that’s my point). And Pen will apologize and confess that cause she’s so in love with Colin and she wanted to be noticed and she’ll be forgiven without much else from Colin. And maybe a little more for Eloise, if that.

(Spoiler’s for the books in case people care about that).

They forgive her for Whistledown in the books, Colin is worried more about her being revealed as Whistledown than her writing shit about him (tho nothing she writes is like Marina/Colin is not in the books. Daphne basically forgives her for anything she wrote about that but tbh she doesn’t seem to mind anyway). And, they like sorta acknowledge it as “wtf” thing, but it’s blown over quickly imo. “Oh well that’s nice dear” sorta reaction. And Eloise does have even more of a backbone than in the books but idk I just don’t see why and what people seem to want out of Bridgerton.

Eloise is going to somehow befriend and fall in love with Crane! You’re telling me the girl running around with Theo and “radicals” will suddenly fall for the guy boring the fuck out of Marina?

Like, I’m sorry but Bridgerton is pretty people hooking up with a regency background. They will not “do right” by most people’s standards of how the characters should act and how to apologize (Daphne and Simon make up after professing deep love in the rain! Anthony is shocked into confessing for real cause Kate fell of a horse! It’s for DRAMA, and then it’s resolved kinda easily?)

I’ve seen some more of nuanced takes against Pen, at least these people aren’t reducing her to a fat villain (cause when they did that I could not take them seriously 😒). And honestly a lot of it is fair, that’s good! The writers don’t care.

But now I keep seeing people hating Eloise to the point that they want a comeuppance that is not proportional to her “revenge”…and like… it won’t be as serious as y’all are making it to be. This “revenge”. Like please, the writers aren’t going to suddenly take this world seriously. See above and those are just 1 example for each season!

If they wanted to acknowledge all the hurt Pen put people through and make her work to become a better person, they could! I just don’t think they will because it’s 8 episodes per season and in this season they’re trying to find a way to get Colin and Pen together and Eloise and Pen as friends again by end of season. I don’t think they’ll extend a conflict into Ben’s season (I actually hope they don’t, I like Ben and Sophie’s story for the most part and while I love Anthony and Kate they shouldn’t be the focus either).

Idk what people expect I guess. if you’re watching it for Pen to be taken down a notch… might not be the season for you. If you’re hate watching I guess tag it with “anti” whatever and not the regular tags?

I’m sorry if you think she does not deserve an happy ending, I don’t necessarily disagree that she’s undeserving of some crow eating for what she’s done. However, I don’t think the writers care to make her go through that. And I don’t watch Bridgerton for brilliant character development that I think some of y’all want.

That being said I’m curious about how they’ll manage LW post Colin x Penelope marriage. In the books it basically disappears, and maybe they can use that to have a build up to Pen! However that means to me making their relationship last longer than as season and I do not want that for any of the couples.

[nekoannie-chan]

Different escape plan

Pairing: Steve Rogers X Mutant!Avenger!Reader.

Word count: 872 words.

Summary: You have a different plan to escape from the Accords.

Warnings: Canon divergent

A/N: This my entry to @incorrectmarvelquotesss‘ 1000 Followers Celebration with the incorrect prompt #3:

"Why are you still here?"

"Because I care about you, you asshole."

@saiyanprincessswanie

My native language is Spanish so I wanna improve my writing skills in English if you notice any mistakes, please let me know and I will correct them.

I don’t give any kind of permission that my fics to be posted on other platforms or languages (I translate myself my work) or the use of my graphics (my dividers are included in this), I did them exclusively for my fics, please respect my work and don't steal it. There are some people here who make dividers that anyone can use, mine is not this type, please look for the other's people. The only exception is the ones I gifted 'cuz now belong to someone else. If you find any of my works on a different platform and are not one of my accounts, please let me know. Reblogs and comments are always welcome.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Marvel's characters (unfortunately), except for the original characters and the story.

Add yourself to my taglist here.

My other media where I publish:  Ao3, Wattpad, ffnet, TikTok, Instagram, Twitter. 

If you like it, please vote, comment, and give me feedback to improve my skills and reblog.

Tags: @sinceimetyou @unnuevosoltransformalarealidad @navybrat817 @angrythingstarlight @shield-agent78 @charmed-asylum  @pandaxnienke @real-fbi @smokeandnailz @white-wolf1940 @tenaciousperfectionunknown @xoxonotme @bluemusickid @leyannrae  @harrysthiccthighss @marvelatthisone @caplanbuckybarnes @sapphire-rogers @lizzieolseniskinda @notyourtypicalrose  @hallecarey1 @nana1000night @talia-rumlow @writingshae @alexxavicry​  @azulatodoryuga @daemonslittlebitch   @chaoticcollectivenightmare​ @ @endlesstwanted @chemtrails-club​  @marigoldreamer​

You dropped the notebook you held in your hand. One of the disadvantages of your powers was that you couldn't control when you were going to have a vision.

You weren't going to let Steve make a mistake, and you weren't going to give Ross the nod either. Of course, there was another way, one they evidently hadn't thought of.

In fact, no one knew that man was going, apart from Tony, and you had never trusted him. Of course, you had seen a lot of things.

Having visions meant that you were not always going to heed them all, as it was very easy to change the course of what would happen; however, sometimes it gave some advantages.

"Do you know what it comes to?" Steve asked you, and you were just about to inform him when Vision told them.

"To something that won't suit us," you answered dryly.

Steve signaled to Wanda and Vision to continue, but he stopped you. "What exactly do you mean? "he questioned, mortified.

"Well... it has to do with the Sentinels and all that stuff I lived on the run from for a long time," you said, looking him in the eye.

Steve nodded; he understood, but that didn't mean he was going to let it happen.

Sitting there while that horrible man told lies was one of the hardest things you had ever done in your life.

Not to mention the pressure they wanted to put on you afterwards to sign the Accords.

"I have to save Bucky," Steve told you after the discussion you had with Stark.

"I know, and you also know that I can help you," you replied.

"I don't want you to be in danger...

"You know I'm not going to sign them," you interrupted him.

"I know, but I need you to be safe. I'll get you... as soon as I can. You know they'll be looking for me.

"Uh, the right Captain America is going to break the rules," you scoffed.

"Y/N," Steve scolded you.

"Don't worry about me, Steve; I'll be fine; you know I have my contacts." You smiled; you knew what was going to happen, but you wouldn't let it.

You had your own plan, and this was where you would cause the future to be different. In your vision, you had gone with Steve to rescue Bucky and ended up fighting Stark and the others at an airport.

Now you would go ask the mutants you knew for help. Erg could help you escape; he knew everything to do with the subway, while John could warn you in case they were chasing you, and as an additional plan, Clarice could give you a way out through a portal.

You hadn't said anything to Steve either; you knew he didn't want anyone else involved, but you weren't going to let the Accords ruin their lives either.

Getting the help of the other mutants was easy; you simply had to tell them what was going on and show them the Accords document that Ross had given them.

No mutant was going to sign the Accords, so you told them your plan, and they all agreed to help you. Esme had even told you of a place they could not enter if you were chased and would shelter you.

You saw the old factory; you had to get them out of there. Bucky in a few minutes was going to wake up.

"Who's in there?" Sam asked.

You grimaced; Steve wasn't supposed to involve any more people, but there was Sam, who was supposed to have nothing to do with it and should be out of danger.

"Y/N? I told you to take shelter. Steve scolded you as soon as he saw you, and Sam was perplexed.

"Why are you still here?"

"Because I care about you, you asshole."

"I don't want to put you in danger."

"You won't.   I have old friends, so Steve, we have the plan to escape.

"We're going to be on the run," Sam said.

"We mutants know a place where the authority Ross has can't do anything; they'll take us there." I talked to my contacts, and it's all arranged.

"Did you know what was going to happen and not tell me?"

"If I told you, you would surely do everything to make it happen; I got a way out; don't worry, Lorna and Marcos will take care of getting Wanda and Clint to safety... "

"How do you know...?"

"Steve, I know a lot of things—more than you think." We have to hurry; they will be waiting for us at the airport, but they will be bored, and by the time they realize we won't arrive, it will be too late.

"Bucky... "

"You can come with us; they will help him there too."

"How do you know these people?" How do you know we can trust them? Sam questioned.

"It's a long, old story from when the Sentinel program was active."

"How much longer will we wait?" Rhodey complained.

"They should be here by now," Tony replied. He didn't know what he would tell Ross; no one knew where the others were.

[aziraphales-library]

hello ! do you happen to know of any hurt!Crowley fics that focus on all the little hurtful things Aziraphale has said to him throughout the years ? like examples from the show would be all the "foul fiend" stuff or "you do something, im the nice one !"

or maybe like how A always seemingly expecting the worse of C or constantly is reminding him of his demonic status as a sort of insult

hope i described that well ? basically aziraphale hurting crowley with little comments throughout the years (even if he didnt really mean them) and that building up

Hi. We have a bunch of fics like this on our #apologies tag, in which Aziraphale acknowledges and apologies for how he’s talked to and treated Crowley over the years, so do check those out. Here are some more fics along the same lines...

Worst Case Scenario by EdosianOrchids901 (T)

Aziraphale keeps insisting that a Heavenly victory will be “rather lovely”, and Crowley is sick of hearing it. If Heaven wins, they’ll either destroy or torture all demons. How can Aziraphale think that’s lovely? Crowley confronts him with reality.

Loose feathers by tenebi (T)

Situation: Crowley and Aziraphale have been drinking, Aziraphale yet again mentions Crowley's nature and his “ incapacity to love ”. “I mean it’s not like you have been treating me like I am always here to personally attack you or it’s not like you have been putting every fucking problem of this earth on my back just because I happen to be there, and yeah I know I know that what demons do but I was expecting you to understand after a bit… or when you keep telling every soul that we meet that we aren’t friends” Crowley's voice began to crack, but he didn’t care anymore.

His glasses were giving him enough protection to hide the pain in his eyes and the literal pain caused by the liquid that had started to gather up in his eyes.

“ but the worst the worst is that even after everything, the 6000 years, the armageddon and the trial.. you still think I don’t-”

Six Thousand Years by Ilovecastiel18 (G)

Post-canon. Aziraphale explains to Crowley that he has loved him for a long time, he was just scared of what Heaven would think. Crowley gets angry because Hell would have done worse, but he never hid his love. He leaves to think things over and comes back with a gift for Aziraphale and an apology. Hurt/Comfort, angst, romance, fluff, love confessions.

Let me be that I am, and seek not to alter me by elf_on_the_shelf (M)

The World didn't end but that doesn't mean there aren't quite a lot of things to be addressed yet. Especially between an angel and a demon and especially after they have avoided talking about them for so long.

Looks like I am finally doing a "night at Crowley's flat" fic, two years too late :)))

Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy by prongsredconvers (G)

“I’m not angry, Aziraphale” Crowley interrupted him, his tone somewhere between a sigh and a mumble “I was never angry at you. I just don’t want to have dinner with you” “But if you are not angry, then why?” Crowley slowly rocked on his feet. “Because I’m tired, angel” Aziraphale stared at him. There wasn’t irritation in his voice. Nor anger. It sounded void, emotionless. Maybe a little resigned. “Tired of what?” “Of everything” the demon replied

Or: After a fight, Aziraphale understands how much he's really hurt Crowley and tries hard to fix it. Also, Crowley finally takes care of himself.

Warmth by indigo (E)

Friends with benefits really had to be the very best solution there was for any self-respecting immortal being on Earth. Handy. Convenient. The perfect way to de-stress with none of the hassle of trying to find a human willing to overlook the more demonic parts of appearance. It was reliable. Comforting even. Dependable, emotionless relief.

Perfect, Crowley thought.

Right up until the point when, well, it wasn’t.

Be warned - that last one is super angsty!

- Mod D

[ireadwithmyears]

Get to Know Me Tag Game 

79s edition

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//Rules// copy this post and answer the questions below + tag people you would like to see at 79’s!

What a fun and creative idea. Thanks for the tag @clonethirstingisreal

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So, imagine that all of us are living on Coruscant during the Clone Wars. Obviously, we would all be going to 79’s, right? Now I’m wondering what everyone is gonna wear the first time you’re going? What kind of drinks do you order? What will you be doing? Who will you be flirting with?

What to Wear: depends on what vibe I’m going for, TBH. If I want sexy, Maybe like a cute bodysuit paired with a nice pair of jeans that shows off my ass. My ass is small, but she can show off with the right pair of jeans. If I just want to feel pretty and authentically me, a nice dress, preferably one with a twirly skirt that I can feel as I move around cause it makes me feel like a princess. I know I look good in teal/green or blue, and maybe match it with a small pair of heels, because even though I’m 4 feet 11 and a half, I’m not willing to kill my feet just so I can be taller. As for my hair, I have really nice, really soft blonde hair, and it’s one of the few things that I’m rather vain about. I might just leave it down, because I like how it feels against my shoulders as I walk. Or, depending on the outfit, put it up in a nice and high ponytail because I like the way it swings. It’s just fun to me I don’t know why.

What to order: I find the taste of any alcohol really disgusting and intolerable, so probably just water. This would mean, under normal circumstances, that I’m the designated driver. However, because I’m blind, I am exempt, and I am therefore the designated viber, just here for the vibes and to spend some time with my friends. If I want to achieve the sensation of feeling pleasantly buzzed, I’ll go out and steal a few hits off of my friends weed, as that usually turns me into a social butterfly for the rest of the night, and God knows I could use the boost around new people.

What to do: as mentioned before, I’m a pretty anxious person when it comes to being in these environments. As a blind person I find them really loud and overstimulating. So if one of my friends has even successfully managed to drag me out here, that’s a feat within itself and deserves to be celebrated. I’m probably sticking really close to them, because I know that they are a group that will make sure I’m safe and won’t just leave me stranded somewhere. Don’t get me wrong, with my friends, we’ll talk and have fun and one of them might even drag me out to dance. But if a new person approaches our table, I might become a little bit more shy, and might need breaks throughout the night to go outside and breathe because of the overwhelming environment.

Who to woo: guys... this is really haaard😩 for starters, I think I’m horrible at talking to new people. Starting a conversation makes me want to crawl under the pit table and hide, and the idea of actually having to keep up the conversation makes me even more anxious. For this, I need an excellent wing woman to make introductions, and continuously push me to keep talking. If I’ve got that, then realistically, I think I’m making my way over to Echo. He’s on the quieter side, but I don’t think he’s shy. He’s got confidence and charisma that I find insanely attractive and I feel like, if we got to talking, we’d hit it off. By the end of the night, he’d be policing all of his brothers around him to respect the rules of not engaging with my guide dog, and I will have opened up to the point where we could switch from really deep conversations, to mindless chatter to just, comfortable silence that doesn’t feel awkward for either of us. When I go home, my friends will tell me about the way he was looking at me the whole night, and they’ll describe to me how he smiled and couldn’t bring himself to look away every time I spoke.

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Tagging anyone who would want to do this. If you see this and feel so inspired, please do!!!

get to know me tag game 79s edition

[luvuomi]

inazuma interlude: sethos goes to inazuma and kazuha starts another civil war at a much smaller scale ( he's jealous )

AAAAAA THIS DESCRIPTION YAME IM CRYING😭kazuha is indeed the kind to go to war for his love ong

sigh…the idea of jealous kazuha has been being fed to me for the past few hours now ( from yame & èl ) and safe to say…my brain rots have finally manifested themselves into a short scenario i decided to write out hehe 🤭

enjoy this self indulgent delusion of mine while i figuratively pass away

unlike kazuha, i seldom find myself wandering about traveling from place to place. while this can be due to the fact i prefer to stay indoors, it mainly stems from the fact that my job — which is being a columnist for the steambird — occupies most if not all my free time.

as for what i write specifically, well i just imagine it to be silly little short stories huhu

in reality, writing for the steambird is just a small stepping stone of mine for the ultimate end goal of eventually becoming a published author for yae publishing house in inazuma. kazuha would, of course, naturally come to learn of this interest and — whenever time granted it — would sometimes offer to take me to inazuma via the alcor so that i could get acquainted with the business and it’s employees. building relations essentially .. yk cause he’s such a considerate man like that :’)

small tangent aside though-

on this particular day, after managing to find some free time for myself from work, i decided to spoil kazu with a surprise visit hehe

now, due to the fact i reside in fontaine, the journey to inazuma is an exceedingly long one especially since i first need to get to liyue to catch a ride from beidou ( duh ). the journey can go one of two ways: i either go through chenyu vale or sumeru. most of the time i stick to the former since my dumbass somehow always manages to get lost in the dessert or rainforest ( clumsy yuomi confirmed + tighnari is lowkey done with my bs ) but oh ho ho i decided to be bold today and go through sumeru # copium moment

even when i finally meet up with kazu at ritou and recount all the details about my voyage to him, he’s surprised to hear it all went smoothly while also showing a bit of concern for my safety. yes, even he’s well aware of how much of a klutz i tend to be lmao

“i’m glad to hear your travels went well for you, though im surprised to hear you didn’t end up getting lost again as you usually do. i take it tighnari and cyno helped you out?”

“hm? oh, that! i forgot to mention — someone else actually helped me along the way and even decided to tag along. in fact, i’ve actually been wanting to introduce you to him for a while now! he should be around here … ”

“i’m here, i’m here, no need to panic.”

“ah! kazuha, meet sethos! he’s someone i became friends with not long ago in sumeru during my last visit there and the one who helped me navigate through the desert this time.”

“ahh, so you’re the friend yuomi’s mentioned to me before … a pleasure to meet you.”

friend? did he really just call kazuha a mere friend? had it been said in any other way, the samurai wouldn’t have paid it much heed, but there was something about this guy’s tone of voice that just didn’t sit right with kazuha — along with that complacent look on his face…

they’ll do that kind of handshake where it’s clear as fucking day neither of them even want to be in each other’s presence, let alone look at each other, with kazu giving a subtle squeeze in return like some kind of warning sign😭

sethos ofc would notice right away but wouldn’t say anything and just smile knowingly ( he knows wtf he’s doing )

“so yuomi, about that tour around inazuma. does the offer still stand?”

“of course! it’s your first time here so where should we begin? hmm … how about — ”

“i can handle it on your behalf yuomi. why don’t you take a short rest first and in the meantime, i’ll show our .. guest around ritou.”

“oh, sure! sounds good to me. you two have fun!”

and once clueless yuomi is out of the scene, sethos and kazuha fist fight in each other through bombastic side eyes and glares ( credits to yame for that description cause i love it ) for a solid 5 minutes

just saying it now, that tour around ritou never happened LMAO

[dr-lizortecho]

Thanks for the tag @crepuscularqueens! This was a whole lot of fun (I might love talking about writing- but reading is so much more fun to discuss)

Rules: generate ten tags (here) and rate them according to how likely you are to read them

-10 -> very dissuaded

0 - don’t care either way

+10 -> very enticed

nope -> if it’s a hard no and you’d never click on a fic with that tag or or you even have the tag blocked or you’d insta click out of the fic if it wasn’t tagged

1) Vaginal Sex: +10, if I’m looking at something with explicit sexual content there’s nothin not to like about this particular tag, though ngl it tells me almost nothing about the content itself

2) Robots: -8, unless robots are like super crucial imma not walk through the door- cause they’re just not my thing

3) Overstimulation: +10, it’s sexy and that’s all

4) Banishment: +5, as long as it’s got a happy ending for the character(s). Cause thematically it’s so much fun- like where do they go when they’re removed from home? Who do they go to? Who do they become untethered by duty and loyalty and obligation???

5) Bittersweet Ending: -10, my friends would have to have wrote it, I’m a hardcore happy ending girlie

6) Royalty: 0, depends on the story focus/set-up

7) Pegging: +5, soooo this is difficult cause sexy wise it’s very high, except if it’s m/f there’s a good chance some sort of misogyny or misandry at play

8) Exhaustion: 0, idk truly, my brain would just skip over it probably

9) (Character) is an Idiot: +10, so long as said character fits that within canon, like truly this describes one part of my of my ships

10) Implied/Referenced Child Abuse: 0, okay, so I’m very very particular and sensitive about this topic, and fan fic is so bad about it tbh, everyone was beat by their dad and emotionally tortured when it comes to fanon and even more so if they actually suffered abuse in canon. So I’m kinda weary about anything tagged as such even though I find it an important conversation to be broached by fiction. All in all it depends on the amount of nuance by the writer, if they even subconsciously try to apply levels to abuse and attempt to create apologies and excuses for anything not physical, the writers overall understanding of the affects of said abuse on the psyche and that it’s not just 🥺 “I have trust/daddy issues, fix me” 🥺 because time in and time out that is the narrative, that abuse doesn’t wire a child’s brain- that they’ll just get fucked perfect by some guy™�� and their trauma responses (which they’ve usually depicted as evil and gross) will just melt away, and then there’s the whole ptsd cropping up during bdsm but that really like makes me want claw my eyes out (sorry- I have FEELINGS about this subject as it pertains to fanfic/fandom)

No pressure tags @shipperqueen6 @13shadesofanni @ajna-eye-cogitations and anyone who wants to!!!

[acergi]

Okay I’m gonna try and put together my prediction for a timeline:

I HAVE NOT WATCHED FOR THE FUTURE YET PLEASE DO NOT SPOIL IT IN REPLIES!!!!

Also, this only has stuff in the trailer, so I’m tagging it with spoilers, but there aren’t really any. I’m putting it under the cut because it’s super long stjrsjsrs

First off, the link to the trailer if you haven’t seen it yet:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIurNjdV-X0 

And the promo stuff (cause I mentin them a bit):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_qUdLeKQA8

Episode opens similarly to TTT 

So we go back to the DOU. The Collector goes and does whatever they did to the coven heads next. There may be a brief fight (I doubt they could fight for long in that condition), or they never even wake up from the spell and wake up to being used as a puppet. 

Based on King’s outfit (by which I mean not wearing those robes), I think this also happens on the DOU. The Collector recogonizes Eda/The Owl Beast, and doesn’t put the weird mind control on her (or tries and it doesn’t work, which could be why Collectors are supposed to lock up all Flying or Swimming things so they last (I think that’s what the book said)). Eda doesn’t win, maybe because she too, was weakened by the spell, and lost an arm (and the collector is crazy powerful), or The Collector vaugely threatens King (or Eda thinks he does and wants to keep King safe). She either ends up locked up by where the coven geads are later seen, or is able to barely escape, but not save King.

Lilith gets away somehow. Maybe the BATTs do too, and I think Hooty? Lilith has a different outfit and way shorter hair, so she must be able to originally get away. Since Eda also does it’s possible she initially gets away. Not many others get away from the DOU.

The parents of the Hexsquad may think the kids are either dead or under the Collector’s influence, since they were last known to be in the area. 

Side note: The Collector being called a collector and being trapped in something strongly resembling a pokeball is hilarious to me rn.

Anyway, credits play (or just the show name), and it cuts to the Hexsquad. They do they’re little thing in the forest from all of the New Years promo stuff. If the palisman thing is a trick of the Collector, this happens now, letting the rest of the hexsquad understand the situation a bit better. Since I think they’ll be by the Clawthorne ruins at first, they are in the forest, so all the foresty stuff happens. If the palisman is actually hatching, it won’y happen in the beginning of the episode because that makes absolutely no sense. 

I think this is the first place they would go, just to see what’s left and regroup. Some of them may need medical attention *cough* Hunter *cough*. Amity and Luz talk about what happened in the Human Realm/Amity tries to comfort her, maybe Willow finallly does something since she was barely in the last episode. Maybe Gus and Hunter can finally have the Grimwalker/Belos’s memories talk? They decide to go see what’s happening in Bonesbourough/see who they can find/see their parents. I think Willow and Gus live in town, so their parents would be there.

That being said, Amity and Camila are fighting someone in a cave, which could happen more towards the beginning if they are tracking Belos. 

Belos has a head start, so he goes back to his stupid cave that he used to live in 300 years ago. He opened it with a glyph combo so I think its his old cave. Can’t exactly have people coming across your genocide plans. I think this episode will be more about the Collector and King, while Belos plans for the finale. I know the blurb says he is also going after the collecor, so maybe this is him regrouping. idk what he’s doing. Maybe he’s hoping he left a palisman in the freezer a couple hundred years ago before he moved out. 

Okay the next couple of things happen some time in the middle but idk in what order:

King reads the story to The Collector/we get Collector lore. It seems like there are a bunch of them. 

From the handwriting at the bottom, it seems to me like The Collector does not exactly fit in with the other Collectors/disagrees and just wants to play. Also, the last line about wiping everything really concerns me.

Whatever happens to Hooty happens. This could have happened in the beginning and Lilith is just seeing it now which could be for a few reasons:

1. King, who has Hooty manages to escape with Eda

2. Eda gets a hold of him and shows her

However, it is also very possible that this happens now. What’s interesting is that King has Hooty in this shot:

which seems to be Eda trying to rescue King or escape. I would imagine this happens later in the episide as almost a penultimate fight, or a secondary fight while the main fight at hexside is happening, but it’s hard to tell. Either way, I think Eda and Lilith have been camping out somewhere together and this is their daring plan to save King (and maybe the kids if they don’t know where they are). Also, Eda’s curse is starting to come out. And short hair!!

Also, it lowkey looks like the grom tree in the background, so maybe grom is here? The goop thing in the poster looks a lot like grom, and there’s a picture of grom in the memory room later in the trailer. 

They go to Hexside where everyone is hanging out.

They look through Luz’s memories for knowledge of Philip Wttebane. I think I saw someone say that they could be looking for that glyph combo he used to get them into the Titan’s skull, where The Collector’s castle seems to be. This gets interrupted by whatever the Collector’s doing. Also, that spider is slitghtly concerning. 

Callback to grom, with the grom monster, who I think is going to make a callback in this episode in some way. Maybe in the end of the episode?

Meanwhile, Hunter and Willow are out and about doing some Huntlowy things. They seem to be in town when The Collector and King arrive, so idk what they’re doing. 

They arrive in Bonesbourough. Idk why King looks sort of mad. Bump tries to hold them off, but fails, Boom attack, something happens that totally changes things, idk. 

I also have no idea what Belos is doing this whole time. Idk what his next plan is, or litterally anything about what the hell he’s trying to do at this point. 

[if-confessions]

Hey :) aspiring author here… or hopefully some day. So i posted a demoless intro before i really started writing and the reception has been really nonexistent. I don’t get any asks and i’m sadly a person that needs at least a little validation for motivation. But i have been writing even though there’s not much encouragement but it’s been a slog to get through. I just wanted to ask, do you think once my demo is out i’ll be able to get more people interested or excited? Kind of like a catapult? I’ve been really annoyed at myself for posting this intro cause maybe more people would have been interested if i structured it differently. I hope this doesn’t sound conceited or anything but it’s really affecting me seeing all these other demoless intros blow up with 1000< likes and constant interaction and asks. I’m getting sad just thinking about it right now… I know i can’t force anyone to like my stuff and maybe my story is just bad i don’t know… It just feels like everyone is starting their wip at a massive advantage with an audience that’s already there and excited and i’m right at the bottom looking up. Was this how it used to be a few years ago? Did everyone start at the bottom? I’m trying to tell myself once people see my world they’ll fall in love with it just like me but seeing new intros come out left right and centre, all achieving things within days that i’ve been trying to do for many months makes me want to cry.

Hey Anon,

I don't want to give you any false hope or promise you that when you do publish your demo your blog will be catapulted into stardom. It could, but it also might not... Honestly, I really don't know what combo of action makes a popular project (see demo/no demo debate). Maybe your intro post is the issue, maybe it is not. Maybe your story is bad, or maybe it's just fine and the people who would click with it just hasn't seen it yet. I tried listing things that could affect a project becoming popular (and it's not even an exhaustive list), but even then it doesn't ensure results. There really are a lot of factors at play... and luck and timing.

I'm not even sure whether it was easier a few years ago or if everyone started at the bottom. There were less people working on/starting massive/epic IF projects, so it was easier to stand out from the crowd. But there were also less people in the community, so less readers, which might mean less interaction overall compared to now. But maybe it was the same as now, with a few project blowing up overnight and many staying at the bottoms for a while, and the difference is much striking than it used to be. Also, the IF Tumblr Scene in the early 2010s looked very different to now... But to get a clear answer on that, it would be easier to ask long-term IF creators whether they've seen stark differences. I wonder if COG creators opening Tumblr blogs had an effect on this too...

So what now?

Well, you really are not alone feeling this way (author tag).

But I don't also have a magic answer either to wash away those worries (if I did, I would probably be also in the super popular group of author). Here are some options?

Join a writer's group or an IF author one

Interact with other authors outside of those groups (asks, comments, regular conversation...)

Post your project on directory blogs and IF communities (discorgs, forums, other social media)

Join jams and competitions to get your name out there and receive some feedbacks

Or my favourite one that's been working for me personally:

Write for yourself, because it's fun as a hobby by itself; find the reason why you are doing this (it was learning new stuff for me); stop putting the numbers centre stage (because they are meaningless); take breaks from the internet...

That one is not easy. You are kind of forced to look inward for motivation and pushing yourself to continue. Do I slip up sometimes? Yeah, I get a but envious of other creators getting more attention that me, and I still check my stats often. I still get frustrated when only one person react to an update I worked so hard on, or even get absolutely nothing about the stuff I really enjoyed doing (sorry Detective Rye...).

But it's been less frustrating and stressful overall. I get to share the stuff I want to share when I want, and have grown a lot more over the past 6-8months than I did since I started working on it*. I feel like I've done my best writing because I'm just having fun. *I did start with an I don't care attitude when I got into IF, but when CRWL got some momentum, that didn't last...

Sidenote: the massive advantage of getting a lot of notes/followers also often comes with a lot of expectations and pressure.

[movedtodykedvonte]

More Glittergolf HCs

Monty and the daycare attendant are holding me at gun point to write these:

DA knows Monty finds their bells really cute, so when they want his attention or rather to keep it, they’ll be extra bouncy and expressive cause Monty always caves when he hears them

it’s like Pavlov dog but Monty hears bells and thinks “Oh boy smooching time!”

DA has a giant Monty plush they “borrowed” from the storage area and cuddles it on the nights Monty can’t stop by

Monty picked up on the fact Moon and Sun can still hear him when they are active and sometimes he’ll send a compliment their way so when they are active they’re extra blushy

Monty has his and both DA’s plushies laying next to each other in his room

Monty actually can’t see to well with out his shades (i picture the light affects him the worse) so when he misplaces them DA will piggyback and act as his eyes while they look for them

they fall over a lot but its cute

Going off the last point, Monty will still stare at them and if they ask what exactly he’s looking at he’ll just be like “I don’t need the shades to help me see how cute you are.”

This happens every time he loses them

You bet your ass it works on DA every time too

Sometimes Monty forgets DA isn’t technically a glamrock and brings them to band meetings

DA spends the whole time whispering in Monty’s ear nonsensical compliments and flirts

It’s the one time Monty looks almost sweet so the band doesn’t mind

DA constantly gives Monty their candies as little gift treats, Monty cant and doesn’t eat them but he puts them in a jar as keepsakes

Monty gets dinged up a lot due to being Monty and DA likes to play doctor and cover them with their themed Band-Aids

Monty jokes that they literally patched him up every time

DA also does it as a sorta of “he’s mine, losers” thing (jealous much?)

Moon gets very territorial over their books and lullabies, so no one else is allowed to touch, play read or sing them, even Sun

One time they went to read to Monty but Monty insisted he be the one to do it instead as yknow Moon’s never been read to

Lets just say Monty has a very good reading voice

Monty is the only other individual who is allowed to read or touch Moon’s stories and Moon will chase him down to do so

Sun likes to put stickers and glitter on Monty when he’s recharging so when he wakes up he’s all decorated

Also Monty chases him to “get back” at him and Sun loves a good game of “tag”

Monty got stuck once in a play tube following DA inside and DA took that opportunity to cover Monty in kissy marks and affection before helping (lets imagine they have a fully functional face for this one okay, i flip flop)

Sometimes Moon and Sun have silly fights over who gets to cuddle with Monty that night, it’s one of the few times the other tries to come out with the wrong lighting

sometimes the fights are not so silly...

Monty’s voice box acts up during his rest mode (plays his audio and lines like sleep talking) DA likes to listen cause sometimes lines mix for really outcomes

One time Monty mumbled something that sounded like their names and they brushed it off

another time Monty mumbles something that sounded like their names and i love you and it was very hard to brush off

DA needs to be very calm to enter rest mode in either state, they had never been in it due to the stress of their job until they started spending nights with Monty.

They initially panicked thinking their core was dying until Monty explained they just fell asleep

Monty’s nicknames for DA are Sunshine and Moonlight respectively

I’m no longer at gun point cause they’re kissing now goodbye

[starsscribble]

Stick Shift

Summary: Rick thinks he freeing Y/n. Y/n thinks she's the problem.

Tags: Angst, No comfort, Age Difference, Reader is 25 Rick is in in 40.

A/n: This was when I was on my Walking Dead kick. Finally got it edited.

But today I drove through the suburbs

Crying 'cause you weren't around

  You pulled into the post-apocalyptic suburbs; in a separate car than what Glenn and you left in. Your earlier pride of find and driving said care was gone. Now in it place was a numb type of sadness. It was stupid. You know that. Getting worked up over the fact you were driving a stick shift. All on your own. But Rick. Your boyfriend; ex-boyfriend now. He had been the one to teach you how to drive a stick shift. Before Virginia. When the group was still in the prison. When you were both still happy.

  “Come on,” his southern drawl was clear as day. You let out a puff of air. Head pushing against the headrest. “This was your idea. You gotta confess something.” You started to hate that you suggested this game, but the drive was so damn long. You didn’t have the radio to help distract you. No, it was just you, Rick, and a long stretch of Georgia backroad. The former sheriff’s right hand shifted off the steering wheel. Moving carefully as not to catch your attention. You were still racking your brain for a secret to tell. Then a yelp left your mouth. You jumped in your seat making the older man laugh. Hand retreated to the wheel.

“That’s what you get for taking so long pumpkin.” He grinned; eyes shifted from the road onto you. A hint of playfulness in those ocean blue eyes. 

“I was thinking of something!” You shot back making him chuckle before looking back to the road. 

“There’s gotta be something you have never told anyone.”

“Well,” you hummed. Readjusting in your seat. “I don’t know if this would count because I’ve never told this to anyone in the group.”

“I’ll count it.” He glances at you quickly, still smiling. Which makes you smile.

“Alright. I don’t know how to drive a stick shift.” You feel the jerk was the car spot. Rick looked at you as if you just told him the undead are all gone. Eye full of disbelief. 

“You’re joking.” He speaks after a beat and you shake your head. Nope, you couldn’t drive a stick to save your life. And with how the world was it just might. Rick took off his seatbelt as you questioned just what he was doing. “I’m gonna teach you how to drive stick. You might need it.”

“We are on a run.”

“Yep and this is the perfect time. Now get into the driver’s seat.”

  Slowly you parked next to Glenn. Killing the engine you got out as Glenn moved over to your vehicle. He smiled at you. Today was a good day. Got more food, medicine, and another car. The possibilities for cars were endless. Used for parts. Set up at protection. Used as traps. Daryl Dixon the town resident mechanic would have a field day with this car.

“I’m gonna check in with Rick,” Glenn says. You see him playing with his wedding band. Maggie’s baby bump had started to show and Glenn didn’t like being away for too long. Patting his shoulder you speak.

“Go see Maggie and your baby.” You slammed the driver’s side door shut. The dark-haired man stares at you. Willing to argue with you on this.

“Really it’s-” You raised your hand stopping him.

“If you don’t go check up on Maggie. I will and I’ll tell her how you screamed like a girl.” His eyes widen at the threat. 

“I didn’t know a group of bats would be in there!” He defended himself only making you grin at him. You both head away from the parking area. Back towards the stretch of cookie-cutter homes. You nudge his shoulder with yours.

“First it’s a colony of bats. Second, not only was the scream funny, so was your face.” You teased him. Glenn shoved your shoulder playfully. Before mumbling that he was going to check in with his wife. Leaving you with the task of checking in with the community’s newly appointed leader Rick. 

  Jogging onto his porch you knocked on the door. Eyes looking everywhere but the door until it opened. Sadly it wasn’t the male you were looking for. Carl greeted you with a soft smile. The bandages that once covered his right eye socket had been replaced with a custom-made eyepatch.

“Ahoy captain.” You tease the teenager who rolled his remaining eye. “Your dad here? Just checking in since Glenn and I got back.”

“Nope. Haven’t seen him since this morning.” Carl tells you, making you nodded. “When I see him…” He trails off because he knows you will just hunt his dad down. “I don’t know where he is.” He's lying. You know it. He knows that you know. But you just nod and quickly thank him. Tell him to kiss his sister for you before turning off the porch.

  And you're probably with that blonde girl

Who always made me doubt

She's so much older than me

She's everything I'm insecure about

  You know where Rick Grimes is. Feet carrying you down the still blood-stained street. Streets that just weeks ago were covered with the undead. You wave kindly to the people passing by. It is a mix of your group, older residents, and new people. You still feel out of place. Maybe you always will. Maybe you won't. You wonder quietly to yourself. A nice distraction. Because if you thought about where you were going. Where you had to go. You might just break. So you let your mind wander. Let your feet carry you to the destination. Everything seemed to be on autopilot. Until your using the knocker of the baby blue house. Her house.

“We should end this,” Rick says matter-of-factly. You stopped brushing your hair to look at him. He’s not facing you. Back facing you as he pulled his jeans on. 

“What?” Maybe you misheard him. Maybe it was your ear playing a trick on you. Because Rick couldn’t be breaking up with you right now.

“We should break up.” He rephrases. The words take the air from your lungs. Your mouth opened to say words that your mind can’t even come up with. The silence in the room grew by the seconds. It finally became too much for the man as he turned to face you. Jeans zipped up but not buttoned. Belt lay next to his shirt on the bed but his eyes fell on you instead. 

“Say something.” He requested of you softly. That same soft voice that he used when he said he loved you. Tears that formed in your eyes finally fell as you blinked. Once. Twice. Three times. Before you looked him in the eyes.

“Is it me? Did I do something wrong?” Getting shot was nothing compared to your question to him. Because he knew you honestly thought you did something wrong. You always doubted yourself. But you were perfect. So goddamn perfect. And amazing. And young. 

“No sweetheart. It’s just…” He stops himself from going over to embrace you. Tell you to forget about it. Because this has to happen. You're 24. His 39. Even if the group. His and your family were ok with it. He heard the whispers around town. The other weren’t as supportive. 

“I think we should end this. We had an amazing run. And you're young. You’re gonna find someone else that will love you more than I ever could.” He breaks his own heart with his words. Because he doesn’t want you to find someone else. He wants to be with you until the end. When and where ever the end was. But you deserve better. You deserve someone around your age. Not an old man with two children like him. 

“I…” you stare at him. Cheeks strained with tears he caused. “I don’t want someone else.” You grab the comforter. It gets balled up as you tighten your grip on the fabric. Your mind running over everything you had done in the last weeks to get to the point. You had snapped at him a few days back because of Jessie Anderson. The blonde woman in her thirties that lived up the street. You didn’t hear what they were talking but her body language told you everything. She was flirting with Rick. And either he didn’t notice or didn’t care. Doubt played in your mind the whole day after seeing the interaction. Because Jessie was around Rick’s age. And you weren’t. You didn’t really have any life experience before the world ended. So it made sense if Rick preferred a woman his own age. As opposed to you, a 24-year-old kid in his eyes.

“I can get you a brownstone to stay in.” He said. Brushing off your comment. Which broke your heart even more.

  The door opened showing the blonde that lived there. A smile and questioning look on her face. 

“Is Rick here?” You asked, watching as she turned her head and yelling the man’s name into the home. He comes out from the kitchen; questioning who it was. The question dying in his throat when he saw it was you. Jessie excused herself leaving you and Rick alone. The former sheriff stepped onto the porch, closing the door behind him.

“Hey,” he gives you a tight-lipped smile. Which you return.

“Just came to tell you Glenn and I are back.”

“Right,” he nods. “You guys went on a run. Get anything good?” You nodded before listing off some of the supplies you got. Including the stick shift car. You heard him chuckle. Looking into his eyes you saw that same playfulness as the day he first forced you to drive a stick. 

“You didn’t flood the engine this time right?” He teased and you scoffed, punching him in the shoulder. 

“I was amazing.” You boasted. The older man stared at you and you swear you heard a quiet. ‘Ya, you are.’ 

“You don’t mind if I asked Glenn?” You roll your eyes but smile.

“Go ahead. He's gonna tell you the same thing.” He nodded. Hand going on his hips. You watch as he licks his lips. Your breath hitching as you feel your stomach twisting in knots. “I should go. Need a shower desperately.” You don’t wait for him to say goodbye or stop you. You're off the porch and down the road heading home in a few steps. 

  And all my friends are tired

Of hearing how much I miss you, but

I kinda feel sorry for them

'Cause they'll never know you the way that I do

  Maggie can’t drink. But that doesn’t mean you and Sasha can’t. Sasha, Abraham, and Rosita had come back later in the day from another run. They had been the unlucky ones not finding much of anything. But Sasha apparently found some top-tier booze in a rundown bar. The trio split it up between them. So here you were. Snacking on fresh strawberries drinking booze that would have been at least $100 for a bottle; straight out of the bottle. The three of you resting against the metal wall that protected the town from the nasty world outside.

“So,” Maggie started as she threw a strawberry stem into a bowl filled with them. “Heard someone talk with Rick.” Sasha and her eyes went to you as you grabbed the glass bottle of auburn liquid. Taking a healthy swig you felt the burn as it went down. You were far too sober to be talking about this. Talking about him. Because no one in the group knew why you guys ended it. Just one day you were a happy couple and the next you were packing up and moving into your own brownstone. Sasha took the bottle from you, making you whine. As you tried to reach for it but the former firefighter held it out of reach. Her hand on your chest also keeping you away from it.

“You can get some when you tell us what happened.” She landed down the rule and it makes you groan as you move to lay against the wall. You don't want to talk about it. You just want to wallow and let the scar form on your heart in peace.

A crack of thunder sends the trio onto the back porch of Maggie’s home. Lucky for you guys because moments after; the dark clouds opened up letting down heavy droplets that ping off the porch’s roof. Sasha is distracted by the rain. Asking Maggie if the crops will be ok. Allowing you to snatch the bottle from her hand and take another big glug. The bottle is half gone now. And honestly so are you. The alcohol works fast as your brain starts to go fuzzy. Sasha takes the bottle back slightly annoyed. But it clear the break-up has been hard. So she lets it go.

“You got your drink.” She says putting the cap back on and sitting it to the side out of your reach. “Now tell us what happened.”

“I don’t know.” You sob. You weren’t normally an emotional drunk. But with everything going on with Rick. Tonight you were. 

  And I know we weren't perfect

But I've never felt this way for no one, oh

And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay, now that I'm gone

  Maggie held you as you drunkenly cried. Sasha joined you on the other side, rubbing your back. You finally opened up about your breakup with Rick a month ago. You weren’t sure how much they understood because of the loud rain and your blubbering. But either way, they consoled you. Trying to help the only way they could. And the only way they knew how. Simply being there. Because for a month you kept this end. Kept this to yourself. So those outside of the group saw you were fine. The break-up didn’t seem to affect you. You carried on with work. Talked with Rick when it was needed. You acted fine. 

But the group knew it. Of course, they knew. It was an act. Because they saw how you were breaking. How you had a longing in your eyes when the cowboy boots-wearing man walked by. The smile that rarely reached your lips. You were faking so much of your joy because your heart was broken. 

“I just don’t get how he is so ok. Did I mean nothing?” The two women share a look at your question. Because they also know that Rick isn’t ok. Like you, he is acting. Because he is the leader and can’t break down. But the man isn’t ok. They don’t say that. Rick was the one that ended it. That was on him.

“I don’t know,” Maggie says softly as you rest your head onto her shoulder. “I wish I had the answer for you. But only Rick does.”

  Red lights, stop signs

I still see your face in the white cars, front yards

Can't drive past the places we used to go to

'Cause I still fuckin' love you, babe

  The street lights are now on. It’s still raining when you tell Maggie you were going home. Sasha and her try to get you to stay the night. Or at least until the rain lets up. But the rain isn't letting up. It was so heavy you could barely see a few steps in front of you. But you step off the back porch and disappear down the alleyway of the lined-up homes. You walk. Just walk because you don’t want to go home just yet. If you go home you’ll be lonely. And you don’t want that. Because for a month you have been lonely in that damn brownstone. Rick wasn’t lonely. He was with Jessie. His arms wrapped around her body. Damn your brain. Just because you didn’t want to be lonely didn’t mean you wanted to think about them together. 

  The rain started to ease up as you found yourself passing Rick’s house. The lights upstairs were on. As you quickly looked away from the cookie-cutter home. A shiver ran through you and shoved your hands into your soaked jean pockets. Maybe now was a good time to head home. You haven’t even turned when you heard your name being shouted over the rain. Looking back at Rick’s home you see him rushing off the porch and over to you. His dark brown jacket acting as an umbrella. He puts it mostly over you shielding you from the rain.

“What are you doing out here? You're going to get sick.” He frets because he knows how likely that is. Because after the rainstorm when the group was on the trek through Virginia you had gotten sick. “Come on.” He orders and you walk with him toward his house. 

  Sidewalks we crossed

I still hear your voice in the traffic, we're laughing

Over all the noise

  You smile at him lightly as he places a cup of peppermint tea in your hand; you're favorite. You're in one of his white t-shirt and pajama pants. Your hair, no longer wet from the rain but a hot shower. The alcohol is still in your system. How much you don’t know. 

“What were you doing walking in the rain?” He questioned taking the seat next to you. His own cup of tea in his hand.

“Was drinking with Sasha and Maggie.” You look towards him as his eyebrows knit together as the mention of Maggie and drinking. “Maggie was moderating us. She wasn’t drinking, come on. She knows better.” Rick nods bowing his head because he does know better to think that about Maggie. But his time as a cop taught him that some people just don’t care. Not about themselves. Not about others. And sure as hell not about kids. 

“Where did you get the booze from? Daryl?” You snort at him before blowing on your tea taking a careful sip. Sitting the cup down you look back towards him.

“I ain’t no rat officer.” He chuckles. You both do. A little inside joke between you both. And then the silence fell. The awkward uncertain silence of two people who didn’t know what to say next. You chew on the inside of your cheek as you stare into the tea. Rain still going strong outside, trapping on the roof of your former home.  Rick shifts beside you clearing his throat.

“Judy trying to walk.” It makes you smile a bit. 

“That’s good. Soon she’ll be running over you and Carl.” The older man chuckles nodding in agreement but you don’t see it. Head still bowed. Turning your mug as you watch the tea shift with each motion. 

“Seeing anyone?” He was trying to keep the conversation going. But there had to be another question to ask that wasn’t this. You still answer it by shaking your head.

“No. But you seemed to have moved on.” It has some bite to you. You're bitter. Of course, you are. The man you were in love with. Seemed to easily move on after he ended it. You lift the ceramic mug and take a huge glug of your tea. The warmth fills you but it’s not enough.

“Ya. Jessie, she’s…” He doesn’t know what to say. Jessie is ok. Good to have around. Doesn’t make him feel as empty. But she is just not you. All her touches. All her kisses. They feel off and he knows why. Because the hands touching him aren’t yours. Neither are the lips that kiss him. But Rick is stubborn. Even if it hurts you both, he knows you need better. You deserve the world and he just can’t give it to you.

“She’s perfect.” You looked at him. Sadness, rooted so deeply in your eyes. He wants to pull you into him. Tell you that he is sorry. That he will end it with Jessie. Come back to you. And try to make all of this right. But he already drew his line in the sand and he won’t cross it. Because the moment he touches you he knows it will be his undoing.

“She has her flaws. No one is perfect.” Except for you. He wants to add. He hears a quiet 'ya' then it silence once again.

  God, I'm so blue, know we're through

But I still fuckin' love you, babe

  You were gone when Rick woke up. His clothes lay on the guest bed since you were dried. He wondered just when you left. He wondered if you slept at all. Because he didn’t. Knowing you were in the house but not in his arms. He was restless the whole night. He sighs. Picking clothes up. It was sad that he hoped this wouldn’t be the last time. But it most likely was going to be the only time. Because how often are you going to walk in the rain drunk? He takes the clothes to the laundry room. Before he throws the shirt in the basket he lifts it to his nose. Inhaling the flowery body wash scent from when you shower last night. You must found where he hid the body wash you left behind. 

“Hey, dad!” Carl called out from the kitchen forcing Rick to dump the clothes in the basket. Entering the kitchen he smiled at his son. Judith was already in her high chair waiting for breakfast. Carl stood at the counter. The box of peppermint tea in his hands. Shit. He meant to put that up. Carl’s eye shifts from the box towards the sink. Where the mugs from last night sat unwashed. Then the young man turns to his father.

“Y/n was here wasn’t she?” He questioned but it was really a statement. It is the only reason for this tea to be out with two mugs in the sink.

“Ya,” He replied, moving towards his son and taking the box of tea from his hand. The young man sighed watching his father place the tea on a high shelf so only he could get to it.

“Why?” Carl asked.

“It was raining-”

“No,” he cut his father off. “Why did you break up with her?”

“Carl,” Rick sighed. As he pinched the bridge of his nose. If he didn’t want to have this conversation with Daryl or Michonne. He sure as hell didn’t want it with his son. But like Rick the young survivor was stubborn. He stepped into his father's past every time he tried to move around him.

“Carl,” Rick warns but the boy isn’t back down.

“No. You were happy with Y/n. Happier than I have ever seen you. Even with mom. Even before all of this.” The boy gestures at nothing but Rick knows what he means by that. Because he didn’t want to admit it. But his and Lori’s relationship was at rock bottom before the world ended. 

“So why? What happened?” Carl pressed, making Rick sigh. He wondered. Only for a second. If Michonne had put Carl up to his. But he shook that from his head. Michonne won’t do that. This is purely Carl. Because Carl loves you so much. The both of you had apparently clicked before Rick had gotten to the quarry. And that bond only grew over time. 

“It’s complicated, Carl. Now please,” Rick needed him to down the subject. And the young boy seemed to understand but is still pissed. He turns from his father. Feet carrying the young boy towards the door. “Where are you going?” He called out.

“Out!” And the slamming door let Rick know that Carl was gone. He sighed. 

  He knew everyone would move on. You would. Carl would. He would. In the far future, all of this will be just a bad memory. But right now. In the present, it hurt so fucking bad. Tears leaked from his eyes as he sucked in air. He did it to himself. He deserved this pain. And if he could he would take your pain. Allow you to be happy. To find love in someone else better than him. Because you're one of the good things in this ugly world. 

  I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one