#I’m not going to bc i hate driving it would be joyful for me

[jeezypetes]

Oh fyi i had a guy grovel to me today about his guilt over owning a tesla he was like “i got it before i knew elon musk was super evil my gf makes fun of me for it i feel so bad” and i was like its cool man its whatever and then i had to download the tesla app so I could unlock it and leave his keys in there when i was done dogsitting

[idontexistherebuticould]

Sometimes I wish I didn’t exist

But then I would miss out on the good things

Like kissing my girlfriend

Laying in the grass on a nice day

Taking photos with friends

Game nights

Cat snuggles

Excited dog butt wiggles when they see you for the first time in a little bit (esp when they make that air snort noise they make)

Learning a second language and being horrendous at it but keeping on anyways

Forehead kisses when you’re napping on the couch

Driving with the windows down on county roads listening to good music (bonus points if she’s there but I love it either way)

People who let you pet their dog in public

Farmers markets

Seeing joyful people in public who you can tell just seem to have something that powers them in a way not many do but the secret is one not even they know (I swear this makes sense in my head)

Women or Enbies who call me love or baby

Babes also works too

Especially when it’s a service worker (maybe that’s a product of working in the service industry but there’s something comforting about it)

People who stand by their convictions

Those who love me, every part of me, even the parts I struggle with, even the parts the world struggles with

Pride

Gay couples who aren’t afraid of being out in public

Queer media

Queer joy

Sparkles

Dresses

But also trans tape

And dressing like a “boy”

The euphoria of a good haircut

People who understand my pronouns even when I don’t (maybe not understand but they accept that we are all figuring it out together)

Love

Seeing little love moments in public

Like a couple giggling over a joke or moment no one else will ever get to experience

Or that conspiratorial smile when they are joking around

Seeing older couples still in love

Moving around a kitchen with someone you care for when food things have always been weird and cooking used to be like punishment bc it typically involved yelling and holding back tears

Having someone who understands your weird brain things even when you can’t explain them well

Being about to joke about things you once thought was a death sentence (even if you’re still a little sensitive and too scared to actually go get tested bc that makes it real)

Having someone who cares about you enough to suggest therapy

And going to the dentist

And offers to help you understand your insurance when you’re clearly an avoidance type of person who just won’t deal with it if you don’t understand it

Funny rituals even if you get the words wrong most of the time

When she understands what store I’m talking about even though I’m hopeless with the name of it (it’s the Amazon one. I swear I can get us there without the good why would I need the name)

Easy cook meals for when your brain doesn’t want to or can’t work quite right

When she turns on music you like even though she doesn’t like it quite as much to prove to you she doesn’t hate it bc you don’t use the right wording and she wants you to know she doesn’t hate it. (No really she will tell you)

Singing folk songs with god awful country accents

Writings stupid lists to make me feel better

Seeing little girls who don’t understand the weight being put on them by the world yet, running, yelling and having fun

Wearing pink

And wearing blue

Watching as the world slowly accepts more and more queerness and androgyny and gender nonconformity

The fight people put up for minority rights

Like black rights

Queer rights

Disabled individuals rights

Indigenous peoples rights

Seeing people stand up for those who need it is something I once thought I wouldn’t

Good music (I’m a lyrics person myself hbu?)

Video essays

Documentaries (I would say only the good ones but I’m a sucker for the bad ones too)

You😉 (no really you are a good thing I look forward to, every person I meet is someone who has so much love and potential and life that I will never know and that is such a good thing even if a bit daunting occasionally)

And lastly, myself, being out, being myself, trying my best to not be scared and put myself in the box that was built for me by my family and the society I grew up in.

I think that’s the good thing I try to look forward to most. I try to care about most. The joy of living as myself. Not the person I thought for so long I had to be.

[sinistershepherd]

Let's say, Instead of Gregory being stuck in the Pizza Plex, Just this random kid with HEAVY autism (Hi, I'm a kid with heavy autism 👍) is stuck. Description your choise! Now, let's say to the amount of stress and just the Pizza Plex's lights giving sensory issues, The child has an absolute meltdown. When being able to be outside the daycare, How do you think Moon would handle that? If or if not infected with that virus?

I SEE YOU MY BRAIN IS JUST EMPTY

Also the idea of Moon breaking past the virus’ hold to help a child in distress? Brilliant. Absolutely stunning. Doing it rn.

Another story format :D Will be shorter bc depression is kicking my ass rn

~~~

A kid, amongst all these killer robots, has broken down in a hallway without so much as a blanket to hide them. Moon has heard these cries before- a child, confused and scared, amongst many other, happy, joyful children. It’s unfair.

The vail that Moon has struggled against for months on end finally manages to recede. Purple dulls into pink, then fades altogether. He can think again!

All because this child in front of him started crying in a particularly panicked manner. His fists clench, then relax, clench, then relax. His thoughts finally become his own again. With it, comes concern.

Hesitance pries itself into his conscience, suddenly worried that he will somehow make this child’s distress worse. Though, from the way they hide their head and shut their eyes, he wonders if worse is even possible.

The lights from another hallway flicker, then steady, making the poor kid flinch back. Moon takes a step forwards, kneeling down beside the child.

“Little one? What’s wrong?” His voice is soft, but his anxiety churns. That ever-present urge to lunge, to sink his claws into this child’s throat and drag them to God knows where- all of it returns, just for a moment. An overbearing voice, chanting foreign commands.

The kid doesn’t speak, just turns fearfully towards Moon, hand coming out to shove at Moon’s pants- a sign to back away. Then, they stop. Their eyes focus in on the fabric momentarily, then…one hand, carefully reaching forwards, fingers curling into soft, warm textures that ease their state of mind. Their stare is vacant for a moment, entranced by the sensation, though, once they realize their current situation again, they pull back.

Moon simply smiles a soft, comforting sort of smile.

“It’s alright, little one,” He coos, “I’m not going to hurt you.”

It benefits him that they didn’t previously encounter him while his mind was not his own. Just the others, who have suffered from the same hands, the same breaks in code, the same violent urges that drive Moon more insane with each passing day.

The kid stares blankly at him for a moment, eyes unmoving, unblinking. Then, they scoot closer again, hand slowly reaching out to curl desperate fingers into Moon’s pants again.

“You’re…not like the others.” They murmur quietly, surprising Moon, as he was not expecting them to speak.

“I’m…not, yeah…they’re just…cranky…” He says softly, trying not to let his nervousness seep into his words.

They give him a knowing look, but say nothing. Moon shifts anxiously.

“Do you not like the lights?” He asks instead, making the child look down to the floor, avoiding his eyes.

“They’re too much.”

It’s a simple explanation- one that Moon has heard many times before.

“Where are your parents?”

They seem to sink into themselves at that question.

“Forgot me, I guess?” They answer vaguely, keeping their gaze downcast. Moon frowns, disappointment growing inside him. He always hates hearing that, especially from kids.

“How about you come with me? I can bring you to a room with dim lights, weighted blankets-“ At the mention of a weighted blanket, the child’s eyes flick back up to Moon. He simply smiles again.

“Promise you won’t hurt me?”

Moon would go pale if he could. He wishes he could promise that, but he can’t.

“Promise.”

Why did he say that? It’s a lie, an obvious, blatant lie! But…being around this kid feels different.

They need his help. And he has to give it. Because…helping them seems to be helping him, too. Maybe they can…help each other.

The child doesn’t seem to believe him, but they stick their other hand out anyways, asking to hold his own. Having finalized an escape plan in his head in the case that he does go berserk again, he gently takes their hand, stands up, and starts to guide them back towards the daycare.

[itstittycitybaby]

What is Lost is Once Found Again (Lin Beifong x fem! reader)

 A/N: this is the angst fic and i have finished editing it. been feeling down lately because of some things so whens a better time to write something angsty? also reader is a firebender bc i feel like firebenders do not get enough love. enjoy yall. 

warnings: angst, emotional/physical abuse, one homophobic slur.

You saw how happy they were. They couldn’t keep their hands off of each other. The bouquet of flowers fell from your hands. Its petals falling like the pieces of your heart that shattered. Though, this was your fault wasn’t it? You had introduced them after all and they hit it off. The rest was history. She laughed; Tenzin had made her laugh. Your vision became blurry from the tears in your eyes. You wanted to scream. You had been too late. Lin looked over and waved at you. There was a grin on her face, something you never really saw from her. You swallowed the cry that threatened to claw its way out. The urge to vomit was strong. You waved back weakly. Their attention turned from you and back to them. The fresh wild flowers you had picked for her were now damaged. It didn’t matter anymore. She looked so happy standing next to him. Lin’s green eyes looked a bit soft as she noticed the bouquet. It was a rare sight to see her so happy. Her voice sounded blurry and muddled. It felt like you were watching a movie play out on the big screen of a theatre. Tenzin looked concerned at your state of being. Here you were standing in front of them but you seemed gone. Lin’s voice snapped you out of your daze. 

Her strong features pulled in concern as she called your name softly. “Are you alright?” No, you weren’t. You couldn’t tell Lin how much it hurt to see how happy she was with Tenzin. You couldn’t confess your feelings that you’ve been harboring for a while. Tenzin was your best friend and you didn’t want to ruin how joyful he was. If he knew he’d step aside and let you have her. He’d swallow it all down just for you. Blinking, your lips quivered. “I-I was just going to visit my father’s grave,” you lied. Their faces dropped; they knew how important your father had been to you. “Is that what you were going to give him,” Tenzin asked gently, head motioning to the now ruined flowers on the gravel. At that moment you hated Tenzin. He was so soft and kind that you felt guilty about falling in love with his girlfriend. You nodded, “Doesn’t matter anyways. I-I gotta go...see you later.” They tried to stop you; they called after you but you ignored them. She was gone now. You were too late. They were so enamored with each other now it didn’t matter anymore. The ache in your heart was deep. You felt anchored in the cold icy waters of the ocean but you couldn’t reach out. Cement blocks held your feet every time as you dragged through the sand. The ache in your bones became numb with the cold and every time you screamed you’d choke on the water. He makes her happy, you told yourself. I was too late.

Neither of them really talked to you anymore. It was expected, though. They were a new couple in the honeymoon phase. That’s how your mother put it, the alcohol in her system making her words slur and her movements clumsy. Your father’s anniversary of his death had passed a couple days ago and your mom became even more depressed. You fought the urge to scorch the walls that night when she spat her venomous words towards you. They were a sharp blade but you didn’t care. It would sink its blades into your skin and blood would rise. Eventually, it all became numb. Her sharp hilt of words became numb once more. “It’s your fault he’s dead. It’s your fault he’s gone.” The words stung but she was right. Your father’s death was your fault. “You know,” Tenzin started, his legs swinging off the steps of your porch. “My family will always welcome you.” It was cold that night. The freezing air bit your fingers and the wind whipped your clothes around. Tenzin had come to check up on you. He always did every anniversary. “I know,” you said softly. “I know.”

“No wonder she doesn’t talk to you anymore. A handsome and kind man sweeps Lin off of her feet. I’d do the same.” Your mother was sober this morning. She was back to her usual jabs but the eggs in front of you helped drown her out. You clenched your fork tightly, your knuckles turned white. “Too bad you couldn’t get him first.” You slammed your fist down on the counter. Flames flickered in your hands. Its tongues threatened to burn the counter you sat at. Your mother whipped around, eyes growing wide at your burning hands. You could feel how scared she was. She didn’t bother you anymore that day.

Dammit Tenzin! Lin’s room was warm compared to your frozen house. You always envied her for it but not tonight. You held her tight as she vented about her boyfriend. Well, now ex boyfriend. The thought made you scoff. Pema was a sweet girl but she was selfish. Incredibly selfish. “Am I just unloveable?” You snapped out of your thoughts. Lin didn’t shed any tears but her voice sounded so broken. “No Lin no,” you said softly, rubbing her shoulder supportively. “Tenzin’s just a dumbass. Pema is selfish and wanted to break two people’s happiness. Tenzin was stupid to got for it. You are loveable Lin.” I love you. Lin swallowed thickly; you could see her fighting the tears. “It’s stupid to cry over.” “No,” you exclaimed, pulling her into your chest. “It’s something perfectly justified to cry over! If you wanna cry you should, it’s good to cry.” “Heh. Thanks.”

 You smiled softly. The moon shone on her pale features beautifully through her bedroom window. You had snuck out that night but your mom had drunk herself to sleep. You couldn’t help but think how selfish Pema was to break two people apart. While you had kept your mouth shut and swallowed the hurt, she paraded around with Tenzin. Lin’s bedroom window was open after she helped you in. You felt guilty about throwing a small rock near her window. But, when you heard Tenzin had broken up with her from some gossip in town, you made haste to Lin. The box of fudge from the bakery you had bought for her was almost empty from eating both of your feelings. “Please don’t hurt him,” Lin said softly in your arms. Her eyes were heavy and her breathing was more shallow. “I’ll try not to,” you joked. She laughed. For the first time that night she laughed and your heart swelled at the thought. “Night Lin,” you whispered, setting her gently onto the bed. She snored softly, causing your heart to swell. You kissed her head and ventured home. 

You swung your feet from Lin’s bathroom counter. Tenzin and Lin hadn’t talked in a little over a year. Being your best friend the two of you talked and you gave clipped answers when he’d ask about her. Anytime you saw Pema you felt the rage and felt flames in your palms threatening to burst. You had yelled at him for an hour about how stupid and selfish he was. Aang had to come outside and see what all the ruckus was about. “Fuck,” you said tightly. You came back to the present from the stinging pain of the rubbing alcohol. “Sorry,” Lin muttered. For being such a hardass she was gentle when she needed to be. The cotton ball was soft on your temple, giving you some relief. At least the nosebleed stopped, but your eye was beginning to swell. “She can’t be doing this to you anymore,” she said softly, her brows worrying. For being nineteen, Lin  looked pretty mature. Though, she had always been more stern and responsible even as a kid. 

“It’s fine,” you muttered, brushing it off. You winced at the alcohol again. “No it’s not,” she replied sternly. You could see her green eyes flare up but there was concern and worry underneath it. “If you need somewhere to stay you can stay with me. I don’t want you to have to go through this anymore.” You didn’t interrupt her rant. Interrupting Lin is the equivalent to poking a grumpy old bear/ “What happened this time?” You sighed. You really didn’t want to have this conversation. Lin was open minded about certain things but you weren’t sure about being attracted to the same gender. It was still something you yourself were coming to terms with. Your mother had found out and the glass bottle shattered on the wall. It was meant for your head. “Just her being her usual self. Getting mad at something,” you clipped. Lin could tell you weren’t telling the whole story but she let it drop, thankfully. “All done,” she said. “Thanks.” She nodded in reply. “Do you need to stay here tonight?” “I don’t wanna intrude. I can stay at Kiki’s.” Kiki’s was the bakery you had bought the box of fudge for Lin when Tenzin broke up with her. The owner was always kind to you and knew about your struggles. He was warm hearted and offered you a place to crash from time to time. He reminded you of your father. Lin shook her head. “You’re staying here tonight. Besides, I just got this place and I want to spend time with you.” Your heart warmed at her words. An unrequited crush, two years strong. How sad. Your mother’s words rang in your ears. “How could she ever love a fag like you?” 

It was raining that morning. Kiki’s had hired you as a baker and offered you the room upstairs. Even though firebenders were known to be ambitious, passionate, and more aggressive than others, you had no drive or ambition. You didn’t know what you wanted in life but baking was something you were passionate about. “I’m gonna be out,” you shouted over your shoulder. “Alright be safe,” Maro, the store owner, called out from the back. Swinging your satchel over your shoulder you grabbed the box of leftover donuts for Lin. You balanced the two coffee cups on the box and swiftly left the place. Your bright blue bicycle rested on the side of the bakery. As you mounted your bike you smiled, excited to see Lin today. The two coffee cups sat in the cup holders on the sides of the basket while the donuts sat safely in the basket.The wind whipped through your hair and the rain drizzled lightly. The rain was light but you peddled quickly so the food wouldn’t be ruined. Lin’s wasn’t too far Kiki’s either. It felt freeing to be peddling down the hills; your worries flew away with the sweeping wind. Her apartment came into view. The thought of seeing her made you peddle faster. You placed your bike on the side of the building and pounded up the stairs. You held the box of donuts tightly in your hands, shielding it from the now pouring rain. Your heart quickened as you reached her front door. You had left Kiki’s at eight so she had to be up by now. You knocked on her door. Faintly, you could hear her footsteps. Lin greeted you with a blanket on her shoulders and a white tank top under it. Black sweats hugged her body nicely. The dark circles under her eyes were prominent in the bright gray morning. “What a surprise,” she said, the corners over her lips tugging upwards. You chuckled, “Had some leftovers and decided to visit. It’s been a while.” Her eyes lightened up at the sight of coffee and the delicious pastries. Lin held the door for you as you balanced the goodies and stepped into her apartment.

“Talked to Tenzin finally.” You almost choked on the sprinkled donut you were eating. Lin held her coffee cup in her hands as she glanced down at her kitchen counter. Her plain glazed donut sat on a napkin untouched. You gulped your food down. “That’s..great. What’d he say?” Lin chuckled at your answer. “He apologized, actually.” She sipped her black coffee. “Oh…” you trailed off. You weren’t sure how to respond. He had broken up with her three years ago and now apologized? “I don’t feel anything about it anymore. I was surprised, honestly.” You hummed, sipping your hot chocolate. “Took him long enough.” Lin snorted, “It did. I just can’t help but wonder...why.” You shot a confused glance her way, digging into the box for another sweet. A chocolate donut, this time. You missed the smile Lin had as she saw your childlike wonder and excitement about something so small as a pastry. “No one seems to have any interest in me anymore. Can’t help but wonder if I’m going to die alone,” she joked, taking another sip of her drink. You could hear a bit of sadness in her voice though. Passion bubbled in your chest and before you could think better you opened your mouth. “You’re not gonna die alone Lin. You’re sweet and kind and compassionate. You care about the people you love and are fiercely loyal. You’re intelligent and observant and also snarky. You’re just so….perfect!” The creeping anxiety surged when the answer you met with was silence. Muffled laughter escaped Lin’s lips as she tried to keep a straight face. It was rare; her body shook and the giggles turned into laughter. It rang in your ears and your heart swelled at the perfect sound. Before you could stop yourself, you kissed her.Her lips tasted like coffee and mint. She smelt like earth, paper, and leather. Her lips were soft and plush. Your eyes widened and immediately you pulled back. “I-I’m so s-sorry I-,” you sputtered, scurrying away from her. Lin just stared. There was no expression on her face as she looked at you. You felt tears run down your cheeks before you had a chance to stop them. A heavy lump sat in your throat and you dashed to get your bag. You left without another word, slamming Lin’s door behind you. She didn’t even try to stop you. 

“I’m a fucking idiot,” you sobbed, the rain pouring, soaking you to the bone. You peddled faster, sobs unleashing from your throat. The road was hard to see from the rain and your blurry vision. You didn’t care, if something or someone hit you you would accept your fate. Hell, that would be a good one. Better than losing Lin for good. Once you wheeled your bike to it’s spot you dashed into Kiki’s. Customers sat at tables leaving the workers distracted so you bolted upstairs. You didn’t feel like having Maro interrogate your crying right now. As much as you loved the big jolly man, you couldn’t let him see you like this. You changed out of your wet clothes and threw on something comfortable. For the rest of the day you let your blankets embrace you and cried your heart out. Eventually, you drifted off to sleep.

It was five pm once you woke up again. The memory of kissing Lin and acting so stupid made you curse. Tears threatened to spill again and you trembled. A soft knock snapped you out of your thoughts. “Come in,” you croaked. Maro opened the door poking his head in. “Are you alright?” The dam broke loose. Instantly you were a sobbing mess again. The man who was almost like your father closed the door quickly and held you in his arms. “What happened,” he cooed, rocking you back and forth. You told him everything;about your mother, your father, and Lin. After you were finished he kissed the top of your head. “Give her some time. She’ll come around with an answer for you soon. She’d be lucky to have you.” “Thanks Maro,” you sniffled, wiping your eyes. A few moments of silence stretched. You didn’t believe his words, something told you that you pushed Lin away for good.“I think I’m gonna have to leave.” The giant man beneath you squawked. “I need to learn how to control my firebending still. I’ve shut it away for so long, I think it’s time now.” Maro sighed, “I knew this day would come. You’re sure of it? What if Lin comes for you?” You shook your head. “I don’t think she will Maro.” “Alright. When you come back, you have a home here at Kiki’s. Y’know that right?” “I-I know. Thank you Maro.”

The next morning Maro and his brother waved you off. Maro cried as he gave you one last hug and a box of sweets for the go. You felt tears well up in your eyes as you said goodbye to your only family. “T-thank you Maro for everything. I never deserved your kindness.” “Yes you do, you’re family. You’re my daughter,” Maro blubbered. Even Maro’s brother who was a stone faced man had tears in his eyes You smiled. Your lips quivered and tears streamed down your face. “I love you guys,” you choked out. “I-I’ll be back soon I promise.” With one last goodbye you made your way to Tenzin and his family for a farewell.Tenzin was sad to see you go but he understood. Some journeys were meant to be traveled alone. Aang wished you the best of your travels and sent a wool cloak with you. It was soft and the warmest thing you ever owned. Pema was there, and you were civil with her, but after what she had done to Lin you didn’t see her the same. Tenzin had given you an amulet he was keeping for you and it hung around your neck proudly. You hurried to the docks of Republic City. Missing the boat would certainly add to your already dampened spirits. As you swept through the streets you couldn’t help but think of Lin. The wounds were still fresh but you trudged on. Like a coward, you ran.

Your room was barren and cold. ‘Had it always been this cold,’ Lin thought. The baker, Maro, looked sad today. It was unusual for he was joyful and warm. But today his flame had been blown at, the smoke curling around his heart. Lin was paralyzed when you had kissed her. She couldn’t move until it was too late. A white envelope sat on your desk. Lin. She ran to the desk and ripped it open. As she read it, her eyes widened and her eyes felt watery. Dammit. She was too late. Lin flung the letter on the floor and bolted to the docks. The white parchment paper sifted through the air gracefully until it fell on the ground.

Lin,

I’m sorry. I did what must be done.

 Goodbye,

xx

“No!” Lin cried out as the boat sailed away from view. Tears spilled from her cheeks and her teeth clenched. Her fists were balled tightly and her face twisted in anguish. You were gone, forever. She stood on the busy docs;people went around her throwing dirty looks her way. She didn’t care. They went around her mumbling under their breaths. She had been too late. “Line five, ship is boarding, line five, ship is boarding,” the guy called out. Lin perked up. Were you still here? Quickly, she scanned the line. Her heart stopped. She recognized the familiar body and the wool cloak shrouded protectively across their shoulders. Lin bounded over to you. Her hand grabbed your wrist tightly and she pulled you out of the line. “Hey-” your eyes widened as you saw her. “Lin? What are you-” “You’re an idiot you know that?” You gulped. You didn’t think Lin would talk to you anymore but her anger wasn’t unexpected. “I-I’m sorry,” you said softly, averting her intense gaze. “I-I wasn’t thinking clearly and I admit that. But if you’ve come here to ridicule me-” Lin smashed your lips with hers. A muffled squeak in surprise left you but you melted into her touch. Lin’s hands held your face tightly and her chest brushed up against yours. You sighed into the kiss allowing her tongue to enter your mouth and gently sucking on yours. She pulled away;both of you out of breath. Your cheeks heated up at the realization that the love of your life liked you back. “How long have you loved me,” Lin asked softly. Her eyes shone with fondness as she looked at you. “You know when you started dating Tenzin?” She nodded. “I was gonna confess to you then.” Lin’s eyes widened in shock. “Why didn’t you tell me?” You smiled sadly, “You looked so happy. I didn’t want to ruin that.” Lin kissed you again. Her hands held your waist in a tight grip and she bent you lower. You giggled, grabbing her face for support. There were tears in her eyes as she looked at you. You felt your eyes start to water and you laughed softly. “I love you,” Lin whispered, tears threatening to spill. “Don’t you ever leave me again.” You smiled, you were crying again but these were happy tears instead. Gently, she wiped the spilling tears from your cheeks with her thumbs. They felt a bit rough but you couldn’t complain. You nodded, swallowing thickly. “I love you too Lin.”

[shiishki]

okay wait, i changed my mind. you should answer all of these questions as well, if that's what you want from me >:)

oof there's a lot of it, that's what i get for wanting to be ✨aesthetic✨

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

vowels (and the importance of being me) - hunny

honeypie - jawny

pretty young thing - michael jackson

mirrors - justin timberlake

sunflower - red orange county

paradise - rude-a

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

a therapist.

ok someone else.. uhh,, my grand grandma because i only have scratches of memories but i dunno if that counts since she passed away...

*rummages through ancient scripts* uhh ok someone who isn't dead.. uhm,, tommie? yeah I'd like to meet them if i could meet anyone on earth

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

ok, the closest german, english or polish book? nvm i have english

"suddenly was. So I just said thank you a few times too, and Mum" ironically this is one of the normal lines in this book

4: What do you think about most?

the fact that I'll have to do something after school. and I don't know if i want to go to college or get a job bc i have no legitimate idea on what to do with my life. it gets overwhelming, just the lack of knowledge about the actual experience.

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

Ok

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

with, tho i sleep with just shorts in summer

7: What’s your strangest talent?

not sure if it's a talent, but i can fall asleep anywhere

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

girls are pretty. boys are pretty

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

by me, yes. no one else has written a poem about me specifically. nvm, tommie wrote one and it shall rest on my wall, or desk, i need to find a place for it

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

uhh i think last month?

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

i don't think so, but i am hella afraid of the possibly gigantic, terrifying things in the ocean depths that humans haven't discovered yet

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

yep, beloved legos as a lil child

13: What’s your religion?

i can't ever remember the name, but i believe gods (from all religions) exist in some way or form. so i believe in different pantheons and etc.

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

walking my doggo, skateboarding, thinking about how to make the lives of my characters worse

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind it.

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

uhmm the arctic monkeys? or the strokes

17: What was the last lie you told?

i know what i want

18: Do you believe in karma?

yes, the rule of three specifically

19: What does your URL mean?

i don't know. it's something me and my sis came up with and that's just my whole identity now.

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

uhh greatest weakness.. i can't finish things. strength is that I'm very stubborn so maybe I'll finish that thing out of spite

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

i grew up thinking crushes were like unicorns. my ex was odd enough to argue with that i didn't love her if i didn't have a crush on her. but I think if i had to guess.. selena gomez, especially in the role of alex russo in wizard of weverly street

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

nope

23: How do you vent your anger?

i write angry letters. sometimes they're sad letters. i write a lot of letters. except i never send them out and no one made a movie about them :}

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

jars and witchy bottles, books? scented candles

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

phone calls are stressful enough as is, i don't need you to see my reading off what i frantically wrote to not stumble over my words

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

i think so, yes, but that won't stop me from becoming better

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

hate flies buzzing right by my ear, love cat purring

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

what if I'd been born in a place where it was illegal for me (nonbinary) to live, in a time when others thought of me as a curse?

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

they be chilling.

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

right arm, doggo, left arm, pillow

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

fresh air and doggo, because doggo is with me and I can't live without open windows

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

i dunno tbh

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

which one is less homophobic?

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

every gender is my opposite gender. selena gomez and justin timberlake

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

to make it easier for people down the line

36: Define Art.

make thing, thing goes woo

37: Do you believe in luck?

yis

38: What’s the weather like right now?

it's nice actually, very sunny, slight breeze

39: What time is it?

12.59 am

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

i don't, but i once crashed into a fire department vehicle with my bike. bike ded.

41: What was the last book you read?

Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

i legit ass don't know what gasoline smells like.

43: Do you have any nicknames?

many variations of my name, aka. Luce

44: What was the last film you saw?

i think it was Robin Hood: King of Thieves, but it might have been that half of spider-man homecoming i managed to watch with my poor internet

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

oh man i dunno... it's not an injury, but i was very sickly as a lil kid and almost died :)

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

once, years ago

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

hmmm horizon zero dawn i think

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

proud pansexual ^^

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

not really, i don't think they're big enough to be actual rumors,, meh

50: Do you believe in magic?

yis

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

meh. they suck, i know they suck, that's it.

52: What is your astrological sign?

cancer ♋

53: Do you save money or spend it?

i attempt saving. attempt

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

for my own money, sweets. i bought lizards for my cats so they can brush their teeth from my dad's amazon acc

55: Love or lust?

luv

56: In a relationship?

nope, i buy my own cookies

57: How many relationships have you had?

1, kinda toxic toward the end, very stressful, don't recommend

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

nu ><

59: Where were you yesterday?

on the fields walking my doggo

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

yep, a pastel pink hoodie in my closet uwu

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

yis, thicc warm socks

62: What’s your favourite animal?

cats

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

cuddles and food.

64: Where is your best friend?

bold of you to assume i have a best friend.

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

tommie-hildebrandt, kageyuji, nekomas-kuroo, joyful-soul-collector

66: What is your heritage?

I'm a demon boi from Poland tho that's not a thing to be proud of, i mean, look at the economy. awful.

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

sleeping, trying to sleep.

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

Pinkton. or Satan.

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

this is such an odd combination of words i had to look it up. yea.

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

a friend who won't laugh at me when i ask them to order smth for me because I'm too anxious to.

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

excuse me? i am saving the doggo wtf. f u boss, I'm gonna sell my tragic story to the news.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) i tell my parents. b) live the hell out of them uwu c) nope uwu.

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

trust.

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

history maker - dean fujioka :]

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

3332

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

communication, trust, some more communication.

77: How can I win your heart?

let's not pretend to be something else to please each other, and bring some bitter chocolate.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

maybe. it could. i don't have a say in it since my sanity is held by tape.

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

eat the pizza. stop caring about others not liking me/parts of me. just living for myself uwu.

80: What size shoes do you wear?

uh i dunno how the american sizes work and i don't wanna look it up so, 39, 40 fits too.

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

demon boi

82: What is your favourite word?

socks.

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

the bloody organ that sits in your chest and pumps blood into your body so you don't die.

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

uhm im not sure if that counts as a saying, but fake it till you make it

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

blinding lights - the weeknd

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

oh a normal question people use for ice breaking, sea blue and pastel variations of it.

87: What is your current desktop picture?

like my wallpaper? or the actual picture that sits on my desk? or how my desk looks like atm? it's ugly, a lot of papers and pens and schoolbooks.

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

donald trump. or the next asshole who'll try to take the rights of the lgbt and poc away

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

this. this is the question.

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

yo there's a pizza somewhere in the refrigerator, want me to heat it up? we can have a sleep over and talk about our feelings :3

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

telekinesis! or shapeshifting! i could do such fun things with telekinesis ^^ yeah I'd totally eat some radioactive veggies

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

that time my "friends" got me into shoplifting, half-hour is more than enough to punch some sense into my brain and develop good music taste

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

can i save this one? i don't think i have an experience horrible enough to be erased haha

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

sleep as in.. uh no thank u. but I'm down for a sleep over with sam smith ^^

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

just me? what about my pets? my fam? it's lowkey illegal for me to go just anywhere without them owO

uhhmm, greece. imma become part of the greek pantheon out of pure spite. and maybe toronto canada.

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

not any that i know of o.o

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

i think i may have but i honestly don't remember

98: Ever been on a plane?

nope, i dunno if i like planes, but I'd probably sleep if i were on one.

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

yeet.

[writingfortoomanyfandoms]

Shiver - Two

Pairing: Werewolf!Calum Hood x Reader

Summary: The seasons always have changed too fast

Warnings: Swearing(?)

Requested: Nah

Disclaimer: The idea of how the werewolves change form comes from the fantastic Wolves of Mercy Falls series by Maggie Steifvater, as does the title of the series, though the plot of this mini series is mine. But you should all totally go and check out this series bc it’s fucking awesome

A/N: sorry it’s been a bit of a break since I posted the previous part! I hope you enjoy this! Figured it would make sense to post the next part as the part of the 4K celebration I’ve got going on! Please remember to let me know what you think! Send me an ask, reblog or comment, I love this series and I love hearing what you guys have to say about it as well!! If you want to be tagged, then please send me an ASK - comments on this post or the series masterlist will be ignored and also remember what if you are already on the tag list and you don’t respond to this post (with a comment etc) I will be removing you out of the assumption you no longer want to be tagged :)

And if you wanna check out the other things that will be coming out for the Write Fest click here: 4K Write Fest

Prologue // One // Two // Three

Y/N paused outside of the nearly-closed door to her living room.

After going through the introductions and learning that the people who stood on her lawn were Calum’s pack members, Y/N had led the group of werewolves back through her house, leaving them in the living room to disappear and find them some clothes.

While she had been present, they hadn’t spoken much, instead acting rather aloof and closed off, despite Calum’s reassurances that she wasn’t a figure to be feared, making the point that if she had wanted to report him and his species to the authorities, she would have done it long before, rather than waiting for the rest of Calum’s pack to turn up - particularly since they were evidently far more fit than he currently was.

Even with those assurances, though, Calum’s pack was wary of Y/N. Ashton - who was clearly the leader - had surprisingly been the friendliest to her, even going as far as to thank her for looking after their friend in their absence.

Y/N had a lot of questions she desired to ask the pack of werewolves but, not only did she have no idea where she would start, she also had the inkling feeling that the likelihood of them being answered was slim.

She had a feeling, though, that Calum would tell her. 

Since their rocky meeting and the fear that had almost swallowed her whole after discovering who and what he was, Calum’s attitude had softened around her and he didn’t seem to mind her talking to him and asking him questions, despite his weak position.

So now Y/N stood just outside the door to her living room, piles of clothes in her hands for the currently naked werewolves to change into.

She could only hear murmurs of their conversation, the odd word sticking out to her: “control”, “cold”, “manage” and then finally “mate”. 

“Y/N? Are you going to stop listening at the door?” Y/N’s eyes widened at Calum’s raised voice which suddenly broke through the quiet murmurs of his pack, embarrassed at having been caught in the act, though she wasn’t sure how he had been made aware of her presence. 

Before she could think of what to do or say in response, the door was opened fully and she was met by the glowering stare of Michael, who had been the wariest of Y/N even despite Calum’s assurances.

“S-sorry,” she whispered.

“Are those for us?” Michael asked, voice seeping with contempt. Y/N shut her mouth quickly and nodded, swallowing thickly. Michael took them from her arms and went to shut the door on her but was stopped.

“Mike! Stop being a prick!” Calum snapped, he was laying on the sofa again, a grimace of pain on his lips as Sierra was tending to his wound better than Y/N had been able to. Ashton, Luke and Crystal stood nearby, watching. Ashton’s arms were folded over his chest and Luke’s expression was concerned. 

“Thanks for the clothes,” Ashton said, tearing his eyes away from Calum to give Y/N what was clearly a forced smile, his forehead was still lined, his worry for his pack member evident.

“It’s okay,” Y/N whispered, biting her lip, glancing nervously to Michael who was still glaring at her, his jaw clenched. She looked to Calum who was, in turn, glowering at Michael, pissed about Michael’s attitude towards her. “I’ll just…” Y/N began unsurely, gesturing over her shoulder that she was going to leave again.

“You can stay,” Calum told her, forcing his lips into what Y/N could only assume was supposed to be a reassuring smile.

“Calum,” Michael’s tone held a scolding worry. The two men glared at each other for a moment before both looked instead at Ashton who sighed, looking over to Y/N.

“Give us a moment to change.” He ordered.

Despite the softness, the weariness in his tone, it held a sense of command which Y/N knew she would never even think of doubting or going against. She gave an understanding nod, slipping out of the room, letting out a breath of relief.

Ten minutes later, an exhausted-looking but now-dressed Luke came to find her, entering the kitchen and giving her a small smile.

“Hey - thanks for… helping him,” Luke said to her as they walked back awkwardly towards Y/N’s living room.

“Why do all of you seem to think that I would have just left him out to die of hypothermia?” Y/N asked, laughing a little bit at the absurdity of that suggestion - she liked to think that anyone would have helped Calum had they found themselves in Y/N’s position, but the members of Calum’s pack seemed to have a far different take on it.

“Well I mean Calum was naked - and that’s enough to put anyone off helping him,” it took Y/N a few moments to realise that Luke was making an attempt at a joke, wanting to diffuse the awkward tension between them. Y/N laughed at his words, seeing the relieved smile that her actions brought to Luke’s face.

“So I’m sure you have some questions,” Ashton began once Y/N had re-entered into her living room and Y/N was hit once more with the surreal nature of her current predicament. Despite herself, she began to laugh, the usually joyful sound coming out helpless and unsure.

“You could say that, yeah,” Y/N agreed drily, her eyes passing over all the werewolves that were gathered in her room. To her surprise, when she looked at Calum, he seemed as though he was trying his hardest not to laugh at her.

“Calum thinks you’re trustworthy,” Ashton continued, though Y/N didn’t miss the doubtful look he shot to his injured friend. Y/N couldn’t help but feel a little flattered that Calum had read her in that way from just the short span of time which they had known each other in.

“Even though he’s known you all of five minutes,” Michael muttered bitterly. Y/N turned her gaze to him, hating the image of him wearing her brother's clothes. She didn’t want the hostile man who held a very clear dislike of her for no apparent reason to be wearing her brother’s apparel. 

“Thought we agreed you were going to stop being an arsehole?” Calum questioned, his voice dropping into a more dangerous tone.

“I’m just saying-”

“Just shut the fuck up, won’t you?” Luke sighed, falling into the armchair, rubbing his forehead.

“I’m confused,” the words broke out from Y/N’s mouth, but she immediately clammed up the moment she spoke them, clearly embarrassed at how obvious her statement was.

“I’d be worried if you weren’t,” Ashton responded, his lips twitching as he attempted to hide his amused smile.

“Sorry - I just… Calum said you change with the weather I just… I don’t see…”

“How we’re human now?” Crystal suggested and Y/N nodded, returning the smile offered to her.

“Well, what he neglected to mention is that it is possible to control it,” Ashton’s words were pointed, almost coming across as a warning to Calum who scoffed in response, moving his eyes away from where they had previously been meeting Ashton’s. Ashton rolled his eyes and looked over at Y/N as he offered her a further explanation. “After a while of being in our… situation, you can take the time to master it, to learn how to control yourself and your emotions and that gives some of us the power to control shifting back and forth. It takes a lot of effort to shift and remain in the ‘incorrect’ form for the weather but it’s possible. If you work at it,” the last sentence was once again aimed at Calum who was still avoiding looking at anyone in the room.

“Calum never-”

“Alright, I think she probably figured that much out for herself,” Calum cut Luke off, glaring at his friend, his cheeks tinted a little bit pink from embarrassment. 

“I think I’ve done the best I can from here,” Sierra spoke up, straightening up and stepping away from where she had been tending to Calum. She looked to Y/N with a gentle smile. “You did well considering Calum said you had no medical background.” Y/N returned her smile, trying not to let her embarrassment show. “But we need to get him back to the house.” She added, directing her words to Ashton this time who sighed and nodded, looking out of the window.

“Yeah… we should probably get back,” Ashton agreed slowly.

“But it’s late - and it’s snowing… how would you even get… wherever it is you need to go?” Y/N asked.

“That’s a good point,” Ashton murmured, sitting down on one of the sofas, rubbing his forehead.

“I can drive,” Y/N offered. “I mean… not tonight, my car wouldn’t last driving through snow… but… you can stay here, we’ve got enough beds, and then I’ll drive you tomorrow?”

“You don’t need to do that,” Calum told her but when she met his eyes she saw the warmth in them, conveying the idea that Calum was grateful for the offer despite turning it down.

“You wouldn’t mind?” Ashton asked, ignoring Calum’s words. Y/N shook her head. 

“Some of you will have to bunk together, though.”

///

“Sorry about… about Michael,” Y/N almost jumped out of her skin at the sound of Calum’s voice suddenly sounding through her kitchen. She turned to see him leaning heavily against the doorframe, watching as she prepared dinner for herself and a pack of werewolves.

“It’s understandable,” Y/N shrugged, forcing herself to smile at Calum, not wanting to show how scared she really was around all of Calum’s pack, but Michael in particular. 

There was something about Calum, though, that, since their initial rocky beginning, had comforted her and put her at ease, something she never would have expected to find from a werewolf’s company.

Not that she had ever put much thought into what a werewolf’s company would be like, considering that up until a few hours ago, she had no idea that they existed. 

“I thought Sierra told you you should be resting?” Y/N added, giving Calum an unimpressed look when he just laughed and rolled his eyes, pushing himself up off of the doorframe and slowly making his way over to her.

“It’s not really fair that you’re making us all food - let me help,” he said, finally reaching her and leaning heavily on the counter next to her.

“No part of me thinks that that would be a good idea,” she informed him, laughing.

“Hey! I’m a fantastic chef!” Calum complained. Y/N nudged him with her elbow playfully, not properly thinking through her action before she did it, too wrapped up in how familiar and cosy the whole situation seemed.

“I’m not disputing that - I’m just saying that you look like you’re about to kick the bucket any second and I don’t want a pack of five angry werewolves on my arse for letting you overexert yourself by helping me!” 

“I would not be overexerting myself!” Calum scoffed, nudging her back. “Let me help!” 

“No!”

“Ah, come on, Y/N/N, let me prove to you I’m not a total prick,” he pleaded. Y/N’s eyebrows raised at the nickname.

“Y/N/N?” She repeated. Calum shrugged and Y/N saw the pink tint his cheeks again. “Alright then, Cal,” he started to laugh at the defiant tone in her voice when she spoke the shortened version of his name, “but if any of your pack comes and gets pised at me for letting you help, you have to let them know that you were being a stubborn piece of shit.”

“But then I’ll get the blame!” Calum complained, feigning annoyance.

“Because you’re being a stubborn piece of shit!” Y/N reiterated, her cheeks beginning to hurt from how much Calum was making her smile. 

“Whatever you say,” Calum sighed, but Y/N knew that he wasn’t really annoyed. “So… how can I help?”

“Wanna do some chopping?”

“More than anything in the world - you know, since I first met you I have been hoping that you’d invite me to do some chopping, it has been my life’s dream to-”

“Shut the fuck up!” Y/N groaned, passing Calum a knife and he gave her a cheesy grin in reply.

“Just trying to show some enthusiasm.”

“God you’re annoying - if I was part of your pack I would not have come looking for you.”

“Fucking rude!” Calum exclaimed, but his words were laced with laughter, his eyes crinkled at the edges with a wide grin that Y/N was ashamed to admit set her heart racing. 

“For someone who said they wanted to help me cook tea you’ve done literally fuck all to do that,” Y/N informed him, nodding at the chopping board and the vegetables on top which still had yet to be touched.

“Sorry!” Calum rolled his eyes in fake annoyance, beginning to help her.

“Can I ask you something?” Y/N asked after a few moments of them working together in silence.

“Sure.”

“How come…” Y/N trailed off, shaking her head. “Doesn’t matter, actually,” she decided, ducking her head in an attempt to hide her embarrassment from Calum.

“How come I don’t have control of when I shift?” Calum offered, Y/N didn’t even need to look at him to know his eyebrows were raised.

“Yeah…” Y/N confirmed quietly.

“It takes a lot of time, and practice and… patience,” Calum told her. “And I don’t have much of that.”

“Which one?” Y/N questioned, looking at him and Calum gave her a wry smile.

“The patience.”

“Thought that might be the case.”

“Do I seem like an impatient person?” Calum asked in mock-offense.

“Oh no, not at all,” Y/N assured him, swallowing down her smile. “But you do seem like an impatient werewolf.”

“Fuck you.”

“What’re you guys talking about?” Ashton asked, coming into the room, his hair was wet from the shower he had just taken and he stretched out his arms. Y/N winced when she heard them crack, obviously unused to being used. Calum noticed her expression and grinned.

“We’re always a bit creaky after a shift.” He informed her.

“We were talking about how Calum’s a stubborn piece of shit,” Y/N said to Ashton, ignoring Calum’s remark. Ashton laughed at that, coming to join them.

“There another chopping board somewhere?”

“Cupboard over there,” Y/N nodded in the direction and Ashton got another one out, taking a knife and joining Calum in the chopping.

///

Y/N was certain that they must be lost.

She had been driving in the middle of nowhere for at least an hour by this stage, following Ashton’s directions to the ‘house’ that they were headed towards and she fully had no idea where she was at this stage.

But with five werewolves in the back of her car, another riding shotgun (who just so happened to be the leader of the pack), there was no way that she would ever dare to question them or ask where they were going.

She was fairly sure, however, that they had lost phone signal a while ago, so she was unsure as to how she was supposed to navigate herself back home.

She wondered how far they had left to drive. Despite having lived in the town her entire childhood and coming back multiple times a year from university in order to visit her family, all of whom still lived there, she had never ventured this far outside of the town’s borders. 

“We’re nearly there,” Ashton told her, almost as though he had known what she was wondering. “Just take a left here, straight down the road towards the woods and you’ll see it. It’s the only house down there.”

It was only then that Y/N noticed his shaking leg. It was bouncing up and down on the floor of her car and Y/N wondered what was making him so anxious. His nervous energy only seemed to increase with every second that they got closer to their house and Y/N used her centre mirror to glance back at the passengers in her car. 

Calum offered her a tiny smile and a quick wink when she caught his eye and Y/N bit her lip to stop herself from grinning. But that smile quickly faded when she saw Calum’s face drop into a grimace as they went over a bump in the road.

“Sorry,” she mouthed at him when he opened his eyes to meet hers again. He just shook his head though, his eyes soft.

“Where can I park?” Y/N asked Ashton when they reached the house, noticing no drive way for her to pull into.

“Just on the road - no one comes down here anyway,” Ashton was already half out of the car when he was answering.

It was then that Y/N got a proper look at the house, noticing how one of the curtains on the ground floor twitched just a little and Y/N felt the fear that had plagued her for most of yesterday come back and hit her full-force.

“Y/N/N? You good?” Calum asked as Luke placed his arm over Calum’s shoulder to support the injured werewolf as he climbed out of the car.

Y/N swallowed and nodded.

“Fine,” she croaked out, eyes still focused on the house as if daring the curtain to move again.

“Come in with us,” Calum instructed.

“No, no that’s okay,” Y/N rejected.

“Nah come on, come in and we’ll give you directions back to your place,” Sierra insisted, climbing out of the car to allow Michael out, who moved quickly over to Calum’s side to aid Luke in helping the injured werewolf walk towards the house.

“Are you sure?”

“Of course,” Crystal assured her. “Getting you a cup of tea and giving you directions is the least we can do after you saved Calum.”

“I would not have died,” Calum insisted. Crystal rolled her eyes at Y/N who giggled a little, taking out her car keys and joining the group of werewolves standing outside her car.

Ashton was already halfway up the long driveway to the house, practically running towards it. As Y/N watched, the front door slammed open and Y/N jumped at the sudden movement, ready to run but then a woman came running out of it. Y/N observed as she sprinted towards Ashton, who had paused, waiting for her with his arms out and she went barrelling into his chest.

“What… who’s that?” Y/N breathed the words, not quite having meant to ask them but the expressions on the faces of the other members of the pack left standing with her allowed her to understand that they didn’t much mind her questions.

“Kaykay. She’s… she’s Ashton’s…” Luke looked over at Calum, struggling to find the words.

“Mate,” Calum sighed. “Come on, lets go,” he insisted, not allowing for any further questions of the matter as he tried to move forwards on his own, only to stumble, Luke and Michael coming to his aid once more.

Y/N quickly decided that she liked Kaykay. While Ashton’s mate was also a werewolf, she had only been turned into one fairly recently, meaning that it took much colder temperatures for her to shift naturally than it did for the others in the pack. 

She was warm and welcoming to Y/N, getting her a cup of tea as Sierra busied about finishing tending to Calum’s injuries and the others went to change into some of their own clothes and light fires and the like.

Kaykay had a softer touch with the whole ‘explaining being a werewolf’ thing than the others did. 

Y/N found it somewhat amusing to see the pack leader around Kaykay. He followed her around almost like a puppy, eager to help her out in any way he could. Y/N had, of course, noticed similar traits in the other two couples, but there was something about seeing Ashton - who Calum had told her the previous night was to be feared amongst the pack - being so sweet and attentive to his mate.

She couldn’t help but allow her mind to wander and consider whether or not Calum had a mate - she supposed that he must have one, it seemed that all werewolves did (going off of what Kaykay had been telling her) but Y/N had seen no evidence of Calum having such a bond.

“You doing okay?” Calum asked her when Y/N walked into their living room, where Sierra had just left having finished doing her best to heal Calum. Y/N nodded at him, sitting on the edge of the couch that he was laying on.

“As alright as I can be - are you?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” Calum assured her. “Thank you.”

“Stop thanking me - it’s not like I saved your life or anything,” Y/N teased, which made Calum laugh a little.

“Are you heading home now?” He asked and if Y/N didn’t know better she would have thought she saw a glimmer of disappointment on his face.

“Yeah - my parents are back tonight so I need to clean up their house, make sure it’s void of evidence that I had six werewolves staying there.”

“We were pretty tidy,” Calum mused. Y/N couldn’t stop herself from reaching out a hand and brushing a few of his stray curls out of his eyes.

“Yeah, you could’ve been a lot worse - the tidiest werewolves I’ve ever met,” she agreed.

“Sorry that you had to drive all the way out here.”

“I’ve never been one to turn down an adventure,” Y/N shrugged, trying to make her words come across as truthful, having an inkling that Calum would appreciate the sense of spontaneity in her.

“Is that right?” Calum asked, raising his eyebrows with a smirk.

“No, I’d so much rather be in bed with my book right now,” she confessed. Calum joined her in quiet laughter.

“Hey, Y/N/N?”

“Yeah, Cal?”

“Would it… be okay for me to visit you… once I’m healed and all?” He asked. Y/N tried to hide her excitement at his suggestion.

“You’d… you’d want to do that?”

“Yeah, of course I could,” Calum chuckled, shifting just a little on the sofa to get a better view of her.

“Well… you know where I live,” Y/N said, hoping that he would take the hint. “But only come once you’re healed - I’ve saved your life once, Calum, don’t make me do it again.”

[savsfm]

madelaine petsch, twenty-three, cisfemale, she/her. —  SAVANNAH WALSH was just spotted out and about in los angeles with their signature VINTAGE DENIM OVERALLS. the paparazzi tried to be subtle, but the ACTRESS caught them snapping pictures and DARTED INTO THE NEAREST SHOP. they jetted off to A SECLUDED, PRIVATE BEACHFRONT before getting asked about HER UPCOMING SERIES FINALE this time, which kinda coincides with their notorious WARY attitude towards fame, doesn’t it? 

HELLO hello , i’m bay & this is my sweet lil savannah ! actress , sports fanatic , dog lover , confirmed adhd ball of energy ( as far as you know ) . if she had a label , it’d be the benevolent , and . . . well , let’s just get right into this ! 

·   ☆     .    𝚝𝚑𝚎  𝚋𝚊𝚜𝚒𝚌𝚜  !

full  legal  name :  savannah raine walsh . –– her mother had a hand in her middle name , and boy was that woman a hippie . age :   twenty  three  .   gender :   cis-female . nicknames : sav , savvy , little walsh ( when in context with her older brother )   pronouns : (  she/her  ) occupation : actress ; sophie turner career claim . inspiration : listen . . . there’s a reason i chose sophie . also jane sloane . details : growing up with just her father and her brother , for the most part , sav was very much the tomboy type , and despite her father’s history in the mlb , the walsh kids often spent time away from him and lived a relatively normal life . this made sav’s climb to fame a bit more of an adjustment , but people seem to love the down - to - earth way she has about her . after wrapping an iconic fantasy series ( think game of thrones ) and starring in a blockbuster ( think dark phoenix ) , everyone seems to be wondering what’s next for america’s favorite sweetheart .

·   ☆     .    𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚐𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍  !

micah “mickey” walsh came from nothing . he was a natural born athlete with the drive of a kid who had nothing to lose and everything to gain , and he could’ve stepped right out of high school and onto a minor league baseball diamond , but his parents –– loony as they seemed –– insisted he go to college first , and he spent four years playing for vanderbilt , where he met his wife marnie . they fell in love , hard and fast , and by their senior year , they were throwing together a shotgun wedding in order to say their vows before her baby bump began to show . 

the first few years were a whirlwind with mickey never giving up his dreams of having a family and having a professional baseball career. two years in , he was called up to the big leagues , and thus began the ICONIC career of mickey walsh , second baseman and a monster at bat . after three years in the mlb , the walsh family grew , and when SAVANNAH RAINE was born in chicago , illinois , wrigley field filled to capacity celebrated . 

three years later , mickey was traded to the boston red sox , and the walsh family moved again . for some time , things were well , and they appeared to be living the dream . mickey loved boston , and boston loved the walshes , so much so , that contract after contract was renewed at fenway . when savannah was five , however , tragedy struck and her mother fell ILL . by the time sav was six , she’d succumbed entirely to her illness , leaving her and her brother , luke , to grow up without a mother .

the walsh family was devastated , mickey taking indefinite time off from his career to be with his children . his parents moved to boston shortly there after to help out with things around the house . mickey tried to keep a happy way about him , but after a season out , everyone could tell he was itching to get back , if only for the DISTRACTION of the game . . . so luke & sav grew up darting around fenway park . they attended every home game , stayed up to watch all of the away games , and they genuinely loved it . babysitters chased after them in exhaustion , and their grandparents did the most they could to raise them right .

savannah was always a FIERY little thing , and it had nothing to do with the red locks she’d inherited from her mother . she was joyful and playful , kind and a lot for any one person to handful . she asked too many questions and had QUITE a knack for theatrics . most of all , though , from a young age , she was simply good . . . and she really never expected to get into acting .

all of that energy had to go somewhere , though , and seeing as she was dramatic as is . . . she was enrolled in dance classes and school theatre projects . she took a liking to acting , starring in school plays and toying around writing her own short films . in high school , savannah was everywhere . . . spread far too thin . but hey ! keeping busy is what this girl lives for ! 

at sixteen , she enrolled at an acting camp during the summer in los angeles , and this is when she found out that her family and friends weren’t simply full of shit ,  like she’d assumed .  she had talent , and she could make a career of acting . . . and unlike others , her rise was a bit too quick . she spent the summer going to auditions , and her BREAKOUT role was one of her first . . . v much a sansa on game of thrones type of deal .

sav finished off high school through a personal tutor and online schooling , but NOT going to college , for either of the walsh kids , was never an option . so she wagered a gap year from her father ,  so she could film seasons 2 & 3 of her show . other seasons were filmed during summer months , on breaks , and on long weekends . she SPED through her degree at new york university , and graduated in 3 , freeing up time to act full time .

there’s a GENUINE way about her that just . . . captures people , when she isn’t in character . in interviews , on talk shows , on red carpets . . . she’s just blatantly very soft , very sweet . skeptics think it’s an act , but anyone who KNOWS savannah knows that the only thing she fronts for the camera is constant energy . ya girl is tired . . . all the time , but will never admit to it ! 

after one of the most watched television series finales of all time and a franchise film –– along the lines of x-men/marvel –– stunning the box office , savannah is taking a moment to SLOW DOWN , because she’s never exactly done so . . . right now ,  she’s trying to figure out where to take her career next with a pile of scripts sitting at home and the world of the silver screen at her fingertips . 

·   ☆     .    𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢 & 𝚏𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚜  !

like i said , miss savannah is very outgoing , very bubbly . she’s good with people . . . but let it be known that she’s an introvert at heart . my girl is queen of leaving parties early . 

definitely the lost-in-a-daydream type , and she’s always been a bit of a QUIET hopeless romantic . less grand gestures and magnificent romantic adventures , more of just . . . a genuine believer in love . which . . . CERTAINLY lines up with the way her life threw her for a loop , just after nineteen , and one (1) nate carpenter absolutely turned her world upside down . it took all of one chance meeting , and sav was completely smitten . despite the fact that their dads kind of sort of ?? hate each other , they are happily planning on spending the rest of their lives together , dipping out of Famous People Things by 9:30pm at the latest .

painfully honest . . . maybe a little too honest. if she’s not careful ,  she can occasionally say too much and put her foot in her mouth . no amount of media training can REALLY rein it in . . . so her publicist is well paid and honestly . . . she has a hell of a time keeping spoilers to herself , so a lot of interviews regarding big plot lines are often with castmates aksdjfha

has a dog named hercules ! not named after the greek hero . . . or the disney movie . . . but rather named after the massive beast in the sandlot . her hercules is a mutt she rescued as a pup . they’re not really sure what he is . . . only that he’s kinda big and definitely has some german shepherd in him . 

sports fanatic af . her dad played professional baseball , and now he coaches for the new york yankees . her brother is a household name for hockey fans . . . and , well , catch her in a bright blue dodgers jersey with the name carpenter on the back , every baseball season !! 

she hasn’t TOTALLY grown out of her tomboy-ness . she still wakes up early to go surfing , still does far better in beat up converse than she does in HEELS , insists on the thrill of doing her own stunts , curses like a damn sailor , and loves a good worn in denim . queen ! of ! rocking ! overalls ! 

thinks about her mom a lot , but tries not to do to the fact that it just fuckin . . . makes her sad and anxious . the grief , she can handle , but the nerves ? her mother died of breast cancer , and savannah STUBBORNLY refuses to get tested to see if she’s got the genetic marker for it .

still visits her grandparents in boston often 

has a very .. . strange relationship with fame . she knows it’s fleeting , and she doesn’t really care for her private life being prodded into . in fact , that’s the worst part of it all . it’s taken a toll on her self - esteem , here and there , but for the most part. . . . she tries not to let it get to her . if she could do the acting thing without the fame , she honestly would . 

ok that is . . . my girl savannah . i hope y’all love her as much as i do bc i am vERY EXCITED ok !!  HIT ME WITH A LIKE & I’LL COME SWOOPING IN FOR PLOTTING !! 

[selkienicke]

Tune in for 'Jamie overanalyzes hockey players emotional states for twenty minutes' lmao

Someone called me out on this post for indirectly @ing Sidney Crosby, which I kind of was and kind of wasn't. I did talk about him a little more directly in some tags on Ovi carrying the POW trophy over to the team (i said this earlier off the cuff but like i genuinely think its very cool how excited (ovi) is for this. i feel like a lot of Hockey Culture is like ’you have to be humble and act like no honors matter’ which like! Has value! For sure! but also!!! Its nice to be excited you did a good job and alex is an EXTREMELY gracious winner. i can fucking tell you i would have been way less cordial in that handshake line. idk i like that alex is always excited about winning things small big w/e i like that he is like ‘I get to do what i love with ppl i love and that is pretty damn great’ and Not to be That Bitch but like! the whole team feeds off that energy stay loose stay joyful get another is what im sayin) That is still not super direct, but yes, a lot of what I mean by Hockey Culture is the worship cult of Sidney Crosby. (And not just him! I think Crosby also comes from a specific cultural tradition of Canadian hockey. I don't know enough about Gretzky or Lemieux to really speak to this, but I do know their personalities/ways of relating to hockey massively inform both Crosby as a person and the way sports personalities frame Crosby.) And like I said, I don't think that way of approaching sports is bad. I have a lot of instinctive, almost visceral, dislike of Crosby, in a way that is difficult for me to articulate. I think a lot of it is just pure emotion: I don't like that he is talented, and that he opposes the team I want to win. I think, though, that there is also an element of like...idk. I think sometimes the thing you hate the most is the thing that you would be if you were slightly more privileged? This probably isn't true for everyone, but there is something deeply unpleasant about being forced again to see that you do not like or love yourself. I would probably be a lot like Sidney Crosby, if I had his talent and his luck. I don't like personal accolades, or the spotlight. I can sympathize with the way he is under a vast and unimaginable amount of pressure, and has been so since a young age. I think that the way he copes with that is by overemphasizing luck and downplaying skill. I also think, as a Leo and a responsible person, you are incredibly prone to the massively egotistical and massively exhausting mental loop of: I center the world, the world out of balance is my fault, therefore I must fix it. I fix it, I have only done my duty. I fail, this is all on me. I think how intensely painfully superstitious and anxiety-ridden Sidney Crosby is is fascinating. I feel like he has an impressive level of respect and fear for the awful power of luck, a deep awareness of the fact that hard work and skill only takes you so far in life. Idk, I think all hockey players know that, and they all cope with it differently. Ovi, imo, tends to distance himself from that fear through select and intense compartmentalization. Part of why I like Ovi so much is that he is self-worshipful. He loves himself, and his skill. He named his dog after himself! He has an Ovi museum! And like, I think that can come off as self-centered and obnoxious but I genuinely don't think it is. (Mostly bc he is, as I said, extremely generous with praise and a very gracious winner). Idk, not to be overly simplistic but in a nutshell, the quote "Russian machine never breaks" is telling. I feel like Ovi, mentally, treats his talent as a separate and inhuman deity-being. Something to be fed, and trained, and appeased. Something to lay honors at the feet of. Something that may only favor you for so long, so love and appreciate it while you can, while you have it. I think, at the core, it is two divergent reactions to being in a massively high-stakes game that relies on both your effort and a huge amount of factors you have no control over. Do you brace yourself, lay low and be grateful for one more, one more, one more? Or do you charge out into the field with both arms open, determined to take as much as you can before you're shut out? I think the thing is, both of these reactions are going to rub someone the wrong way. For me, I desperately wish I could feel Ovi's fierce joy at his own success. I wish that everything I succeed at did not feel like another reproach for past and future failures. I wish that I didn't feel only relief at doing better than was expected of me. This is another reason I think the sort of...attempt to set up an Ovi/Crosby rivalry has always failed. Because the thing is, I think Crosby also kind of wishes he could lean into that raw joy a little more. I think that's why he likes Geno Malkin so much, because Malkin's emotions are close to the surface and because he insists that he will take space and that he has earned it. (I think also, that Ovi loves no one so much as weird hockey cats, who are good, know they are good, are never good enough for their own internal standards. I think he admires that relentless perfectionism, that drive to keep going as hard and as long as you can. That Nicklas Bäckström attitude of, “Okay that’s one. Get another.” It’s very Virgo-y, and Ovi is absolutely a Virgo whatever else he might be.) Idk, there are a loooooot of complicated threads to this that I simply don't know enough to untangle. Russian and Canadian hockey both have long and complicated histories. Both tend to produce a certain type of emotional response to pressure, to success, to failure. Both have their own rules and norms and problems. I'm also thinking a lot about the split reaction to Jonathan Marchessault's sort of over the top cocky confident celebration vs. what the reaction was to P.K. Subban doing something similar. (In a nutshell, it is okay and even praiseworthy for a white dude to be confident. It is not okay and egotistical/too self-serving when a black man is confident). This doesn't really apply to the difference in the way Ovi and Crosby are read, but I do think it is an aspect of NHL talk culture to keep in mind. Maybe by this I just mean, NHL sports reporting tends to be hypocritical, and to fail at acknowledging nuance, and that sometimes just because one thing is good does not mean its opposite is bad.

This is mostly just About Me, but this is also related to why I love Braden Holtby so much. I think he (and also Kuzy) balance these two extremes really well. I think they both manage to stay calm and collected (well, Kuzy is emotionally OTT lmao and I love that about him, but he also imo flows through emotions quickly, and does not dwell on failure/get stuck in the way I’m talking about with both Ovi and Crosby) and to keep going. Holtby and Kuzy both are excellent players and know it, are capable of being happy with how they have done and successes they have had, and are also capable of reorienting and moving forward once those successes (or failures) are in the past. I think in a lot of ways this middle ground is the healthiest, but I find the extremes more fascinating, and they tend to provoke much stronger negative/positive emotional responses from me.

Because like, I admire that ability to keep to the middle ground, but that ain't me kids.

[sophiarmando-blog]

hey hi loves! i’m hannah or han, either is great! i’m nineteen, love chipotle and netflix,  i use she/her or they/them pronouns, i’m still speechless that i’m here like holy shit!! i’m still quaking in my boots and i’m so so so much ah, so scared and so joyful to be playing my bb!  i just have no words and i’m simply an awkward anxious noodle who writes too much, always. i can’t believe i’m here, i’m literally so grateful, blessed and honored to just be amongst you all and i, ah, anxiety!! i’m so psyched and jazzed! i have to go see a show and then take down the set and possibly have rehearsal as well tonight so i’m gonna be really really busy but i’ll be on mobile all day and then will be back on my laptop for hours bc i have no social life outside of rp and homework. but here’s her long bio and um um her muse blog has a ton of stuff and all of those things with her connections but pls pls pls IM me while I cry tears of joy.

estates enclosed by iron gates, glamorous garments only fashioned by those of the highest caliber, and gilded lifestyles of unfeigned extravagance – this is the life you’ve always dreamed of – or at least some semblance of it. your parents, however, lived lives of utter deprivation. they were deprived of the financial stability they worked so hard to provide for you, and in their youth, they weren’t exceptionally well off but you wereit was your father who saw to your family’s content. and though at times he could be a hard and somewhat brutish man, he was an honest worker – never once succumbing to depravity in order to make a living. although, with all that he endured throughout his life, it wouldn’t have been outrageous if he had. he had enough of working part time to make ends meet and began to pick up acting gigs among his shifts at the station.your mother was once a woman who thrilled in losing herself to blissful displays of ignorance. she was like a feather forever floating in the wind, with no moral compass pointing her due north. no one ever expected she’d bear a child, let alone raise one. it was always presumed she’d flee, merely adhering to the whispered tales of her heart and its demands that she avoid responsibility – to always know full fledged freedom. nevertheless, she did settle down, and she found that having a family filled her life with monumental joy. it gave her a sense of purpose, something she had long felt her life was lacking.they were always two very different people, ramona and santino armando but they brought you into the world, thus many years ago, they found love despite their differences.  you inherited your father’s intense desire for control and your mother’s innate beauty (some of her more notorious traits as well, though they hadn’t yet developed). you used both feats to your advantage and sought to conquer the world around you – to flip it inside out and make it something better – prettier. however, it was always a question of whether you desired to make it better for yourself, or those around you.you inherited your father’s intense desire for control and your mother’s innate beauty (some of her more notorious traits as well, though they hadn’t yet developed). you used both feats to your advantage and sought to conquer the world around you – to flip it inside out and make it something better – prettier. however, it was always a question of whether you desired to make it better for yourself, or those around you. you found that it was easy to make things work in your favor with the unmistakable allure you possessed. still, your puppeteering endeavors were always innocent, as you never harbored any ill intent, and it was enough for a little while – making yourself out to be the victim so others might be like putty in your hands, or exaggerating your benevolent nature so they’d feel obligated to be at your disposal. unfortunately, as storm clouds loomed above, you began to shed your beautiful and vibrant, yet aged petals, blossoming anew. your desire and need for more heeded to the change of season as well; specifically your sense of self-righteousness. she, ramona was a dreamer – always had been, for her parents taught her to be – her father especially. santino relentlessly stressed the importance of perseverance and self expression, as such a thing was a commodity throughout the span of his youth. both of his parents were junkies, and he grew up not knowing love, for he was born out of hate into a painfully lonely existence. he might have been condemned to the same fate as his parents had it not been for his exceptional drive and meeting ramona.the tale of her father’s upbringing and her parents’ ultimate love story has always been sophia’s number one motivator. that’s why when she looked up at the stars in all their ethereal beauty, searching for clarity, and procuring an almost psychedelic sensation, she knew. knew that she was destined for greatness, for she was born only out of love, hope, and pure intentions. she was born to make her parents proud and affluent in wealth, happiness, and everything in between. not the struggling part time actors, waitress and cops, so as the world around  fell into a deafening silence, her “calling” came to her like a whisper in the wind – head conjuring up some hazy, crepuscular depiction of her name up in lights. she drank in that image like it was a tonic of bottled sunshine, for it was soaked in liquid, golden glory. that particular magical day marked the beginning of something new. something white and pure like winter snow, something that made her heart reverberate and swell with a deep and perceptible yearning.though sophia sent money back and forth to her mother as she worked part time jobs as a math and science tutor at the local elementary school in between classes at the local university. she didn’t move far but far enough away for a bit of space., alcohol and drugs warped ramona and sophia’s relationship,  fueled a habit of her own; a deep resentment, a fear, an anger she hasn’t gotten rid of. , in meeting the ones she connected with, sophia shed her newly developed exterior – the sad, angry, bitter girl and adopted a new one. or rather, a plethora of exteriors, as it didn’t really matter who she was, so long as she wasn’t sad sophia who everybody ignored. she hated it – feeling like she could simply disappear and no one would notice. she hated the world, she hated that her father’s affair  had affected her so greatly and transformed her world into an ugly, bleeding thing, and more than anything, she hated that she carried so much hate in her heart. maya didn’t want to be herself anymore, so she decided not to be.when you are made up of nothing but a series of plausible facades you lose sight of yourself, and everything you’ve ever been. you lose your moral values – and ultimately, you lose everything that ever made you you. so you pour yourself into work. find faith resolve, resistance and safety in the stars, in your best friend, your roommate. your softness, your tenderness, your care on display, the resentment, the pain, the bubbling underneath. that she could never get out, never express to those around her. so she writes, love letters to the stars, every night in her journal, thanking them for their presence, the space, the wide open spaces, the silence that inhabit the night. the moon and the stars ever present unlike all the things in her life. she is kind, gentle, careful, compassionate but there is sorrow, deep sorrow as open and bleeding as the stars in the sky. she is growing, feeling and changing as she works to find utter serenity and peace amongst her reality. so she pours herself into the unknown. but there is softness in her self-doubt.  i feel compelled to also share and include a brief poem by sophie bowen, written in 2014 to round out the section.

Suddenly, a hole opens in the year and we slip into it, the riptide pull of strange, lonely dogs and broken phone lines. You forgive me if I mistake hunted for haunted, but I do like to rearrange things in my body every few years. Take a can of gasoline to the frayed and ghosted. Lights out. All hands on deck. Still you wonder why I keep losing my shoes in the road and coaxing cats in the alley with cans of tunafish and a flashlight. Why my contentment is beautiful, but highly improbable, sort of like four leaf clovers or an ice cream truck in the middle of the night. This tiny thing breathing between us that aches something awful. By summer, I am slipping all the complimentary mints in my coat pockets while you pay the check. Gripping the railings on bridges to keep diving over. Some dark dog in my throat when I say hello. - the hole is space, and sophia is lost in the sky, content with its beauty.

[cbocstar]

sometimes i feel like i don even have a purpose in life.

like im trying to figure out why why i exist? Because i clearly I don’t have a purpose for my own self. like i was only born out of a petty game between my parents. Just a pawn to push over and manipulate and brag or bring both of themselves down by using custody as a factor.

I don’t really have much freedom and i’m 27 and i just feel so degraded.

i am staying at home with my mom. I help pay the mortgage, water, and electricity and our phone bill. and sometimes groceries, My mom is retired. she does drive me to work becuse she wont let me take a the fucking public transportation. bc heaven b forbids shes  just going to think “ im much better than her “LIke  sorry i just want to be a fiv eminute away from you. is that so hard? 

LIke i just need distance.

how bad is distance.

LIKE WE LIVE IN SAME HOUSE, we share the same bedroom, we in the ame car 24/7 we eat dinnner

the only time im away from her is my full time job and thats not even fun because im working and thats just 9 hours monday through friday. 

i keep telling my mom that she needs some friends or a dog or a new interest to sspend time with because i cant just be the only one bc shes driving me insane. and I just I dont know how to keep surviving r pushing htrough. 

i hate of how im so afraid of what happens next after death. if it wasn tbc of that fear maybe i would have done something by then. Im

im just so exhausted and so trapped  hat the thought of suicide just a little sescape seemed more joyful than anything. especially since i have chronic pain too. and hving chronic pain while living under a roof of a retired manipulative emotionally verbally financially abusive mother is really hard. lol 

im just so so drained and just emotionally so done with living this life. 

like I dont even know why im still here. LIke I feel like  my mom is living through me but still using my life as a schedule or a check list or just another body to control or punish because her life wasn’t fair. Idk I i just im so exhausted. I need a break. i just wn t to escape

and i cant even afford to escape. 

cant even talk to someone at work because how are they even going to help me. they cant. im just a burden. i cant even save money on  a separate account by how much privacy she’s been shoving her damn fafce in my life. 

and fighting back is now just disrespecting her now. 

[parkjiminships]

Hello! I saw that you are doing ships and I was wondering if you can do mine with exo k and m and bts! If you don’t mind! :) I can’t mask my feelings well and people can read me easily. I’m usually described as a shy and demure individual but once you get to know me i am bright, intelligent, 4D(quirky), joyful, & fun. My hobbies include drawing, listening to music, reading manga (japanese comics), watch anime, swimming, and driving around. I am also a very open minded individual as well.

I don’t wear too much make up even on special occasions and I always give everything a 110% :) My fashion is very simple but when i go out with friends i dress up more fashionably! I can get along with people and I always like to help them out if needed. I usually also have a mild temper and I have a very easygoing and quiet personality Because of my shy personality i can be socially awkward at first. I also blush really easily if i get nervous and shy and then i start to stutter a lot. I also get mistaken for having a cold personality when I don’t. I am half chinese and I have a slim body. I also have long wavy brown hair and a baby face known amongst my friends. Big brown eyes, long eyelashes, and alittle bit of tan skin but its going away. I’m also afraid of bugs and love boba. Former junior olympic athlete for swimming. I hate being a burden and say sorry a lot. I am also an INFJ and I like to cosplay and play video games. As well as I have the tendency of being too nice and not looking for myself like putting others before my needs and my friends always tell me to take care of myself as well and smile more often. In addition, for being half chinese i am also half latina (Ecquador and El salvador) and french descendent. In addition, i forgot to add in can i get a ship story? if that’s okay 

hello hello!! I apologise for doing this so late :(( I'm so sorry these are so short btw.

For EXO M I ship you with... Lay!

tbh im not rly sure why but yes. lay would love you. i think he’d find you rly adorable, with you being shy and socially awkward and all. tbh, if i think of what kind of person lay would want to be with, I always think someone thats shy and awkward and has their own little quirks. I think he'd rly enjoy your shyness and awkwardness and he’d always make fun of you (in a good way) and he’d be able to eventually bring you out of your shell. just look at him omgggkjabgd

For EXO K I ship you with... Baekhyun!

Again with this it’d be kinder similar to lay, but with Baekhyun, he’d embrace your awkwardness, just because he kind of is as well. he'd enjoy watching manga with you and he’d share your interests and you'd be that weird couple that everyone kind of wants to be :)

For BTS I ship you with... Tae! This one is pretty obvious and it is literally baekhyun and lay combined. He’d enjoy your shyness and awkwardness but he would also manage to bring you out of your shell (imo this one would be the best ship out of the three bc it’d be more balanced)

[cluebert]

rules┊tag 10 people you would like to get to know better

tagged by @workingboyz (thanks!)

name┊online I go by sid bc I Despise my actual name

birth year ┊2001

zodiac sign ┊libra

height┊5′9 and 1/2 i think??

⇢ put your playlist on shuffle and name the first four songs

something - across the universe (movie)

shock treatment - shock treatment

everything and more - twisted

a joyful noise - bat boy the musical

⇢ grab the nearest book, turn to page 23, line 17

the book is carrie by stephen king and the line is “Miss Desjardin chuckled unhappily” 

⇢ ever had a song or poem written about you?

not to my knowledge!

⇢ when was the last time you played air guitar?

probably yesterday ngl

⇢ celebrity crushes?

l a u r e n l o p e z

⇢ what is a sound you hate/love?

I love weather sounds like wind n rain and stuff and I Hate scraping noises, like basically anything scraping against smth else makes me actually nauseous 

⇢ do you drive? and have you ever been crashed?

I’ve only driven once and I hated it But I didn’t crash and I’ve never been in one

⇢ last book you read?

the miseducation of cameron post was the last book I actually FInished which is smth I’m Very bad at

⇢ do you believe in ghosts?

 yep, my family and i have had Multiple weird ghost experiences

⇢ do you believe in aliens?

hell yea

⇢ do you like the smell of gasoline?

uhh no

⇢ last movie you saw?

The new Halloween!!! It was super great and I was with my friend so it was like. double the fun 

⇢ do you have any obsessions right now?

starkid, tin can bros, also generally just musicals and horror but I’ve been into those for years so they’re not rly new

⇢ do you tend to hold grudges?

no, I’m Really bad at it which sucks bc I tend to let ppl off the hook too easily and that gets taken advantage of a lot :’)

⇢ are you in a relationship right now?

nah

tagging: I honestly can’t think of anybody off the top of my head who hasn’t already been tagged so if you wanna do it just? do it and say I tagged you asdkljf

[lookitsweird]

ship for otakupandasworld

Hello! I saw that you are doing written ships and I was wondering if you can do mine with BTS! If you don’t mind! :) I can’t mask my feelings well and people can read me easily. I’m usually described as a shy and demure individual but once you get to know me I am bright, intelligent, 4D(quirky), joyful, & fun. My hobbies include drawing, listening to music, reading manga (Japanese comics), watch anime, swimming, and driving around. I am also a very open-minded individual as well.

I don’t wear too much makeup even on special occasions and I always give everything an 110% :) My fashion is very simple but when I go out with friends I dress up more fashionably! I can get along with people and I always like to help them out if needed. I usually also have a mild temper and I have a very easygoing and quiet personality Because of my shy personality I can be socially awkward at first. I also blush really easily if I get nervous and shy and then I start to stutter a lot. I also get mistaken for having a cold personality when I don’t.  I also have long wavy brown hair and a baby face known amongst my friends. Big brown eyes, long eyelashes, and I have a fit body.

I am half Chinese, latina, and quarter french (European descendent) I’m also afraid of bugs and love boba. Former junior Olympic athlete for swimming and swimming for 7 years with 1 or two records at a community college for a high school swim meet. I hate being a burden and say sorry a lot. I am also an INFJ and I like to cosplay and play video games like final fantasy, kingdom hearts, resident evil, metal gear solid, and devil may cry etc.  As well as I have the tendency of being too nice and not looking for myself like putting others before my needs and my friends always tell me to take care of myself as well and smile more often.  

In my group of friends, I’m usually the little sister despite being older than some of the friends, I’m usually protected or taken care of.  I also make puns that are corny and bad haha.  I am also humble and modest, I do not give myself enough credit for what I do and when ppl give me compliments I try to look for something even if I do not know the person and I tend to get flustered, shy, awkward, and quiet about it.  I don’t really like being in the spotlight that much or gain attention, but my friends and from my observations they told me that I have this aura that attracts people even though I am not being an attention freak etc. My friends usually describe me as that i am similar to these characters personality wise: Yuna Final Fantasy X, Mikasa Ackerman Attack on Titan, Haruhi Fujioka ouran high school, and Touka Tokyo ghoul :-)

I ship you with...

Jungkook!

But wait, no, this is not just because you both have the same interests (actually it’s 70% bcs of it) but also because I feel like you’d have a really great dynamic? We know this he’s a little shy too and that’s probably the first thing he’d notice and find cute about you. Then the longer you two would know each other, the more you two would be comfortable enough to show your quirky sides (don’t deny it this boy’s a huge dork). You’d be that cute couple that everyone adores. One of the thing’s he’d find cute about you is when you’d get nervous. He’d def take full advantage of it and would find ways to make you flustered. ‘babe look’ ‘what-’ ‘*kisses you on the nose*’

Whenever you have time to spend with each other, it always includes anime and manga. Or you’d drive to stores trying out different flavors of boba and it would be just the two of you in the car on the road with 10 cups each comparing flavors and which ones are the best. He probs wouldn’t mind since it’s still spending time with you and that’s all that matters. ALSO PICS.You’d dress up and before leaving he’d already have like 20 pics of you and it’s just??? You don’t even know where he puts all those pics. Like it doesn’t matter what you were wearing if it’s for just hanging out with your friends, or if it’s cosplay. There would be pics.

SWIM DATES. He’d probably like that you’re also athletic and you’d go to the pool wearing matching swimwear and you two would find it so cool but everyone thinks it’s dorky but they don’t say anything because it’s so cute? Also when you swim he’d shout out scores of how cool you were (it won’t make sense tho, it’s always 10/10).

He’d be there to remind you that you’re never a burden, but also say that it’s normal to feel like it since he sometimes thinks that way too, but you should never let that thought control you. He’d definitely be the one to take care of you. He’d pamper you and make sure you were being healthy and happy.

Also, since you’re both seen as the youngest, other people would think that you two are in an immature and unstable relationship but it’s actually the opposite? Sure you’ll have bumps along the way but you just love each other so much that you get over it.

[runbybts]

BTS SHIP :-)

hi! @ otakupandasworld i’m putting this under a readmore bc it got a little long :)

Hello! I saw that you are doing collage ships and I was wondering if you can do mine with BTS! If you don’t mind! :) I can’t mask my feelings well and people can read me easily. I’m usually described as a shy and demure individual but once you get to know me I am bright, intelligent, 4D(quirky), joyful, & fun. My hobbies include drawing, listening to music, reading manga (Japanese comics), watch anime, swimming, and driving around. I am also a very open-minded individual as well.

I don’t wear too much makeup even on special occasions and I always give everything an 110% :) My fashion is very simple but when I go out with friends I dress up more fashionably! I can get along with people and I always like to help them out if needed. I usually also have a mild temper and I have a very easygoing and quiet personality Because of my shy personality I can be socially awkward at first. I also blush really easily if I get nervous and shy and then I start to stutter a lot. I also get mistaken for having a cold personality when I don’t.  I also have long wavy brown hair and a baby face known amongst my friends. Big brown eyes, long eyelashes, and I have a fit body.

I am half Chinese, latina, and quarter french (European descendent) I’m also afraid of bugs and love boba. Former junior Olympic athlete for swimming and swimming for 7 years with 1 or two records at a community college for a high school swim meet. I hate being a burden and say sorry a lot. I am also an INFJ and I like to cosplay and play video games like final fantasy, kingdom hearts, resident evil, metal gear solid, and devil may cry etc.  As well as I have the tendency of being too nice and not looking for myself like putting others before my needs and my friends always tell me to take care of myself as well and smile more often.  

In my group of friends, I’m usually the little sister despite being older than some of the friends, I’m usually protected or taken care of.  I also make puns that are corny and bad haha.  I am also humble and modest, I do not give myself enough credit for what I do and when ppl give me compliments I try to look for something even if I do not know the person and I tend to get flustered, shy, awkward, and quiet about it.  I don’t really like being in the spotlight that much or gain attention, but my friends and from my observations they told me that I have this aura that attracts people even though I am not being an attention freak etc.

i would definitely ship you with jungkook! i feel like you two have similar interests and temperaments. I think it would take a minute for you two to warm up to each other, but then it would turn into a really warm and solid friendship that naturally turns into a super loving relationship. He would love to goof around and play games with you, or snuggle up on the couch to watch some anime. He would totally take you on road trips to nowhere just so you two could talk and sing along to the radio with the windows rolled down :’) anyway u n jjk? super cute n sweet

- admin caro :)

[broomswept-thoughts]

I wonder if typing out my premed thoughts will help.

I'm feeling the biggest imposter syndrome ever. I don't know if being a doctor is the right path or if I'm doing it for the right reasons. I think my primary goal career-wise is to become a researcher who can translate research into medicine... But in all honesty I think even if I were to do research at all then it wouldn't be the biggest roadblock to me either. Am I good enough emotionally to be a doctor? I feel like maybe... I'm just too insular and bad with people. I enjoy taking care of people in general, but I don't have infinite patience... Or I don't know, I'm just not selfless or have the experiences of other people in MSF. Honestly being there makes me question if I belong. I don't... Proactively act like a premed? I don't have a burning desire to help that's more than a fear of hurting people. I hate premed culture with an undying passion (maybe this self-awareness is also part of the premed culture lol) but it was enough to drive me away to pursue other things in college. Is that a sign? In my life, I'm always going to have to be around these types of people maybe. I just want to be a professor in biology man. I'm interested in medicine, but... The people aspect makes me wary. Is this what I want to do???????? My ideal would be working in a research lab 24/7 and honestly not see patients... Or maybe a few that I'm close with? Or something??? I can't imagine myself dragging my way into a hospital for the rest of my life forever.com. I guess A said that there are many paths in medicine... Pathology seems kinda nice ngl. I think oncology would sort of grind me. But maybe ones that let me do a lot of research and teach people... That would make me happy. Ugh, idk, this makes it sound like I should just do a PhD. I feel like graduate school people are like. The ones I'd rather hang out with.

Umf, but at the same time, it's seriously so hard to get a professorship. Idk...

My other ideal would be working at the nih like the md phd people there. I think that would be really great, altho kinda eh mentoring wise it seems.

Goddddd I don't know!!! I guess I just feel alienated because I'm so much more of a research-skewed person. Medicine just makes me unsure of what I want to do in the people aspect. Like I'm not super outgoing or friendly or just a stellar human being like T or N. I really wish I was someone whose personality matches really well with medicine or who knew that they wanted to do medicine earlier.

Would I honestly be happier in grad school? Kinda get the feeling that I would. But I would definitely, SUPER NOT want to go to corporations after finishing my degree bc it was useless to me. If that were to happen, then I would want to go to medical school instead and sacrifice all those nice times for a longer-term happiness and satisfaction and greater chance to do research.

Maybe this isn't great because I see getting an MD as more of a career thing than purely a people thing... Maybe that's where I'm caught. It seems selfish and meaningless I guess, and like I'm trying to force myself into this idea of an ideal doctor to get what I want... So that gives some validity to my imposter syndrome I guess.

What's the truth? What should I do. I think research is a big risk, esp without an MD. I think I can go through an MD PhD program even if it hurts more than I can imagine rn. But idk if it's worth spending so long when I want to do what a PhD does in the end but with a higher salary. Is that a better option??? Ugh I sound like an asshole but.

I guess this is why I wanted clinical experience... I want to do things that help people and make them feel happier, but that's not the same as medicine maybe? You see people at their most vulnerable and in pain. I think it's a gift to be trusted to help them. But is that a gift I want? Or bluntly, care to have??? I think if I can use that experience to direct my research it would be ideal but...

Medicine... I can't even imagine how it can be a calling for some people. The toils and burdens to me seem so much for someone to handle. Why would anyone voluntarily want that? I kind of can't understand it tbh. But to me research is a calling so maybe it's like that. :/ That and music give me incredible joy. But I don't know medicine gives "joy" rather than... A sense of duty? Like how a soldier might feel duty (ignoring ramifications of war and shit) but it's not joyful. Maybe I just haven't seen enough... Although I do admit I liked the local clinic in New Brunswick, that actually made me really happy. But the hospital was just. Not inspiring lol. Idk, I really just didn't find the interactions to seem all that amazing in any way. More just passing through. But maybe it really is worthwhile if you see a patient recover? I can understand the joy in helping someone like that. I guess I wonder about the toil outside of that, and managing a bunch of patients and all. The bureaucracy too. But I guess academia has that plenty...

Anyway... I guess it's pointless to also compare myself to other premeds. I had a different path and that's that. I can only try now to learn more. I feel like I went backwards a little with taking the mcat first, but despite the exhaustion, it's still interesting to learn. I should feel a little more grateful to be learning stuff that's actually interesting and new haha. I feel like I have a lot more weird medical background now.

I don't know. I think... I think I still have some time. For now I think this is right. I like medicine enough and research a lot, and I think... Well, if I'm not sure I can ask my dad again. I think when I rationalize it, doing a MD PhD is a good plan for me. And I do have genuine research interest in translational research stuff and observations. I might also just be generally afraid of my life passing by so fast rn. I think it makes me excited but also very afraid... I feel so old. I think I've maybe always felt so old since like middle school. But everything just seems uncertain in the future, but the past feels so long ago. I guess that freaks me out a bit. Even a few years ago seems so long ago even though numerically it's small. I'm scared of dying a little, and also of not achieving or having certain things.... Whether it's a job I like, or a relationship or what... I guess that makes me kinda emo. I mean I might always be afraid of these things tho. So maybe I should just do more mindfulness thinking like O haha. It might calm me down to know that I have had good things happen to me, even when I didn't think they could.