#I’m making a lot less than I was at walmart but I’m still making enough to survive on easily

[peaches2217]

Aaaaaaaaah I’m SO happy at my new job so far! The park director loaded me up in her truck at one point and took an hour to just drive around and show me all of the nooks and crannies of the park, all the campsites, the trails, etc. I saw an owl taking up residence in an oversized birdhouse, and on the drive back up to the office, an adult bald eagle flew right over us! It was incredible.

The hours are gonna be a lot more consistent too! The park office is only open eight hours so I’ll be working open to close every day I work. Which means I have to learn to get to sleep earlier and stay asleep longer because I’ll now be having to get up at 6:30 every morning… 😭 But for everything I experienced today, and the promise of getting to do and learn even more? Worth it. SO worth it.

[bitterwaters]

Lacquer Brands

so one day I went to a fugue and wrote a 2000 word essay on nail polish brands

We got four tiers of nail polish brands: overpriced luxury bullshit, drugstore, boutique, and indie. 

Overpriced Luxury Bullshit

Don’t buy these! Just don’t! You’re paying for name, not quality. Chanel charges $32 for an 11 ml creme, the second cheapest polish type there is. That’s ludicrous. Every review I’ve seen of a “high-brand” from a real swatcher has been negative. Fuck ‘em all.

Drugstore

This is every other mainstream brand, whether it’s from CVS, Walmart, or Ulta. Wide range of price and quality. In general, you’ll probably get what you pay for. Sally Hensen Insta-Dry is classic and Acceptably Okay; if you don’t have the patience for a full manicure, just slap some of that on. Look for brands that are 3-free or 5-free--that means that won’t have a few nasty chemicals. Anything over 5 is fake and doesn’t matter.

My preferred drugstore brands:

Zoya: Jellies, glitters, shimmers. Tends to have a very thin formula--leave the cap off for a few minutes to thicken it up.

Orly: Cremes! The absolute best, well-pigmented, buttery smooth cremes. Persistent Memory is my perfect dark red. The bottles are generously sized, they have a nice paddle brush, and I love the big rubberized cap. They’re just really pleasant!

OPI: I only use their matte top coat but I use a lot of it. It’s the best! Get their matte top coat! I’ve seen recs to use their polishes over Essie’s, but I’ve never tried either.

Boutique

Now we’re getting into the Good Shit. There’s a price jump here, but there’s also a huge jump in quality. These are small- to medium-sized online-only businesses with semi-industrial production and ample stock. They’re big enough to ship within a few days. They use a LOT more pigment and glitter than drugstore brands, and have far more variety in finishes.

You might see them on Amazon or Etsy--skip it and go order from their sites instead. Shipping costs the same and you can save up reward points.

Charmed Lacquer: Brand new, recently announced, will open in a week or two. Started by a streamer named Janixa. I’m not familiar, but her followers seem excited enough to check it out.

Cirque Colors: CONTROVERSY! I like Cirque. I have a ton of their polishes. A little pricey, but they have frequent small sales and are high-quality. Best known for the jellies and some really stunning magnetics like Mood Ring and Black Swan (which have since been rampantly duped). So why the controversy?

Mystery bags: idk people get het up about ‘em. I kind of feel like if you gamble on a bunch of polishes you don’t choose, you risk pruglies.

Coronation: This is a purple polish with a red-green shift shimmer pigment called, I shit you not, Unicorn Pee. UP was made unavailable for public sale years ago (the suspicion is that it’s now used in some currency). Cirque keeps finding stashes and re-releasing Coronation. There have been complaints that it’s not the same shade as the original, that it’s over-priced ($18.50 is a LOT for a polish), and the FOMO marketing. It always sells out fast. I have a bottle. It’s okay.

Jaritos: The current teapot tempest. Cirque just put out a Jarito-themed line of jellies that’s FOURTEEN FUCKIN FIFTY a bottle. Their regular jellies are two bucks less because JELLIES ARE CHEAP. They have less pigment than other finishes. Cirque has also been caught editing pics from swatchers. Some of the Jaritos shades are outright dupes of existing Cirque colors--but when Cirque reposted swatcher pics that compared them, they changed things to make them look different. Little shady!

I still got Mxcn Cola

Holo Taco: I don’t go to this school. It seems fine. Owned by a YouTuber with a pretty big following, Simply Nailogical. The brand has devoted followers, but I’ve never been real impressed. I feel like I can get everything they do somewhere else for a buck or two cheaper. Lots of limited-time bundles.

ILNP: MY LOVE! Shimmers, glitters, holos. Their formulas are just fantastic. If you follow lacquer reddits you’ll see a TON of posts featuring Flower Child and Fairy Dust; they aren’t for me but I see why people love them. They’re really good with shimmers--Flicker glows like a candle in a dark window. I also like their flakie toppers and magnetics. You really can’t go wrong with anything from ILNP. 

One of the rare lacquer companies that doesn’t do FOMO. They never remove anything from their line-up. New collections get a 10% discount for a week at release, and they have an annual Black Friday sale.

KBShimmer: They’re pretty good! They don’t get as much love as I think they deserve--probably because they aren’t quite as flashy and highly-marketed as other brands. They also aren’t as heavily pigmented/glittered. Still pretty good though! I really love All Fired Up. They have big 15 ml bottles for only $12, no matter what finish. KBShimmer is a great place to start if you’re just dipping your toe beyond drugstore brands. Pick up their polish thinner (suitable for every brand except Orly) and glitter smoothing top coat. 

Lights Lacquer: Don’t. They have some nice shades, though they tend to be as subdued as drugstore polishes. I was really disappointed by their cremes--the formula isn’t at all self-leveling. That’s just weird in this day and age. And then I found out that black swatchers refuse to work with them because the owner has been openly racist. Her non-apologies did not improve relations. Skip it.

Mooncat: CONTROVERSY! I have over a dozen Mooncat polishes and do love most of them, but it's getting harder to recommend the brand. They specialize in intense shimmer/glitter/holo/flakie/magnetics--all the fancy stuff. They have a few unique polishes that I haven’t seen duped elsewhere. Their formula can be gloopy, especially their flakies; easily fixed by a few drops of thinner. Why controversy?

they’re fukkin expensive bro. Like $15 a bottle. I do feel that you get what you pay for--it’s good stuff. I’ve never been disappointed by a Mooncat. But part of what you’re paying for is brand aesthetic.

they’re fukkin annoying bro. Their site, marketing, and even customer service emails are all lower-case dramatic gothy stuff. Never “nails,” always “claws.”

Their bottles keep shattering. This has happened occasionally in the past, then become more frequent starting in April. Seems like there was some supply change that thinned the glass. Mooncat was also filling about 14 ml instead of the promised 12 ml. Temperature and air pressure changes during shipping started to cause a lot of bottles to break. One person ended up in urgent care to get her hand stitched. Mooncat has promised to make changes and has been quick to refund/replace broken bottles, but there’s still a lot of ill-will simmering in the community. I think we’re past the tipping point--I’m no longer seeing broken bottle posts, just love for their new Power Puff Girls collab--but if you like something, I would wish list and wait another month. That should be enough time to make sure the bottles are safe and the weather has cooled.

Indies

Every single indie nail polish company is one or two people working out of their basement. That is not a joke. They hand-makes every small batch, fill the bottles, pack, and ship by themselves. That’s in addition to designing and testing polishes, and just living their lives. 

That means that if you order from an indie, expect to wait. Most list a turn-around time of up to a month (they usually say 7-21 business days--people read three weeks but it’s a month). That’s padded to give them safety--nearly all will ship within a week, maybe two. But if they get hit with life stuff or a ton of orders, it really can take a while. My longest order took over a month arrive. It was entirely worth it.

Indies tend to have a big focus on fancy finishes. The biggest trend right now is sheer lacquers that are loaded with aurora shimmer. They’re color-shifty and glowy, and a lot of fun. That’s starting to stagnate a bit--every base color/shimmer combination has been done, so a lot of dupes are emerging--but it’s also starting to evolve. I’m seeing more and more shimmers that also have holo, flakes, or reflective glitter. I’m betting we’ll get some thermal shimmers as fall rolls in and temperatures drop.

Indies have some phenomenal variety and creativity. They’re doing the coolest stuff with the most love. Many also rely heavily on FOMO, and some are just plain not open much of the time. Instead, they have monthly or seasonal release windows. They usually drop a new collection and may retire old ones.

How do you keep track? The Reddit Laquerists (sic) Nail Polish Release Calendar. You can also subscribe to brand newsletters--most give a small coupon on your first order. A lot are on Instagram and Facebook.

There are at least two dozen indie brands, and it’s hard to know where to start. I highly recommend Lyn B. Designs. I love her lacquers, absolutely flawless formula. She has big bottles, fast turn-around, and lots of variety. Get her top coat! It’s the best. But most importantly, she has a 50% off code for ALL products every time she launches a new collection. You can get top-quality lacquers for $6 each, and the big top coat refill for $12.50. No brand of any size can match that value. You can either follow her on Facebook for the code or check the calendar on launch day.

Others I like, in no particular order:

Bee’s Knees, Dam, Polished for Days, Great Lakes Lacquers for fantastic shimmers and reflectives. Garden Path and Rogue Lacquers have great flakies. Lurid Lacquer is pretty new, and she’s doing some really interesting things with intense shimmers and color-shifty chromes. Sassy Sauce keeps a small, tidy line-up, but it’s all quality and creative stuff. She’ll also have some nice thermals once October hits--she doesn’t ship them during summer, which I respect. 

Cupcake is kind of a workhorse brand like KBShimmer: nothing too spectacular, but everything is solid and reasonably priced. Likewise, Glisten & Glow isn't too exciting but IS cheap and high-quality. Emily de Molly is Just Good. Drunk Fairy has really nice jellies and cremes. Wildflower Lacquers is closed for rebranding, back 09/06; I don’t have any from her yet but I gotta give props for big bottles, a fan brush, and surviving in Oklahoma. 

Death Valley Nails is a little pricey but they’re doing the weirdest, most absolutely unique shit out there. They’re making polish out of rocks and wildflowers. One looks like the sink after your boyfriend shaves. It’s great.

Clionadh gets some hype but IMO they’re overpriced and overrated. They definitely up the saturation on swatch pics. I’m unimpressed by Femme Fatale’s formula and teeny 9 ml size. Shleee polishes don’t self level at all. Stella Chroma still sells Harry Potter themed polishes and I'm very over that.

But really, the best way to check out indie brands is…

Indie Preorders

There are two big indie collabs every month that work on a pre-order basis: Polish Pickup and Hella Handmade Creations. They open for a week each month and feature unique, one-time only products from a ton of indie brands. They can cause major FOMO. If you feel that might not be healthy for you, stay away! But if you’re okay with the possibility that you may never be able to replace a bottle you finish off, you’ll find some great stuff. They’re an excellent way to explore new brands, and creators get to be a little experimental. PPU has fun monthly themes; HHC doesn’t have a general theme, but many creators do a series of fandom-themed designed. Indie polish creators tend to be pretty nerdy.

If you want to try non-US brands, go to Color4Nails.They’re a stockist that carries several brands, drugstore, boutique, and indie. They also have monthly pre-orders for a few Brazilian brands like Phoenix Indie Polish and Penelope Luz. I find the Brazilian brands to be a little pricey, with smallish bottles and fairly thin consistency, but they’re doing some interesting stuff. I’m pretty consistently impressed with Phoenix; PL less so.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I watched the TV show Hold the Front Page last week. It’s weird that it took me so long. A year or two ago, I’d have been all over that shit the moment it aired. Josh Widdicombe; one of my favourites from TV, no matter how boring his stand-up is; and Nish Kumar, one of my favourite wonders of the world; combined with local news, a thing of which I very much approve.

I saw the promos for it when it came out, and I thought it looked interesting, but not quite enough to watch it. TV shows like that have been somewhat spoiled for me, compared to a year or two ago. Not that I ever thought they were real. I knew that panel shows and shows where people off panel shows go and do shit like this were staged things where everyone prepares beforehand and then goes out and pretends they didn’t. But I didn’t mind. I enjoyed the interactions, I enjoyed the shoehorned bits of stand-up, it was still funny.

Now – I’ve said before that it reminds me of when you eat good quality chocolate for too long and then try to go back to Walmart chocolate. What once tasted fine has become too sweet and overprocessed. Is a quite tenuous and barely-working analogy for when I listen to enough live comedy, suddenly the editing and production in TV shows that I always knew was there feels more intrusive than before, even baseline-level panel shows feel over-produced. So I haven’t been picking up new ones the way I used to.

But this is one I should have done. I recently heard Nish Kumar talk about it in his stand-up, the bit where he almost gets to “meet” Boris Johnson and shouts a lot of things at him, and I wanted to see the TV recording to compare it to his story. Then I decided that if I’m going to watch that bit, I may as well watch the whole episode. And if I’m going to do that, I may as well watch all six. I can’t add a show to my spreadsheet unless I watch every episode.

It’s on my spreadsheet now. I have to admit that a couple of episodes in, I thought I probably wouldn’t get through it. The awkwardly manufactured feel was so off-putting that I just wanted to turn it off and listen to Nish Kumar talk shit on The Bugle with no script. I mean, scripts are fine. In scripted shows. But it does annoy me more than it used to to watch a show that pretends to be unscripted, while clearly being scripted.

There’s one time in an episode of Hold the Front page when they say that Game of Thrones is Nish Kumar’s favourite show, and therefore he was excited to meet someone who worked on the set. In the latest Bugle episode, Nish Kumar mentions that even though he seems like the sort of person who’d be into Game of Thrones, he’s never seen it. Someone’s lying, and obviously it’s the TV, he’s telling the truth on The Bugle. It’s fine. I don’t think it’s horribly unethical or anything to lie about whether Nish Kumar has seen Game of Thrones. It just makes the show less interesting to me, that it’s not real. Not that I think every word said in a stand-up show is true either, but at least it was made up by one person, not a faceless team of writers who based it on market trends.

Though there are times when I’m glad it’s not real. They set up this premise where Nish and Josh are trying to get on the front page of various local papers, and they’re competing with actual journalists to do it. And I always like a competition, I watch shows that aren’t supposed to be competitive and manage to find the competitive side. But still, with this, I kept wishing they hadn’t brought in the competitive angle. Just have them go into the headquarters of a local paper and find out how it works. The competitive thing makes them look like dicks, because they keep getting in the way of hardworking journalists who are trying to do their jobs, without some celebrities and their camera crews interrupting with harebrained schemes. I can get into the competition of things that don’t matter – Taskmaster is funny because it doesn’t really hurt anything. Two guys going into an important institution like a local paper and mucking around, wasting the time of people with proper jobs, is a shitty thing to do.

Having said that, luckily I know it’s not real. Obviously all six papers are happy to be included, and the thing we see on screen of them being annoyed about it is a lie, because overall they get featured on TV and that’s a good thing for them. Obviously it’s all edited to maximize the parts where we say “look at these scamps mucking around and getting in the way of proper journalists”, because I guess the people doing the editing thought that would make them seem endearing, not annoying.

Also, it’s weird that they at no point acknowledged Josh Widdicombe’s background in journalism. They kept making jokes about how these are clueless guys with no idea what goes into writing a news article, ignoring that Josh Widdicombe worked as a sports journalist for The Guardian before being a comedian.

That’s why he’s on The Last Leg. People make jokes about how it’s weird that Josh Widdicombe is there despite not having a disability, and the joke is usually that his disability is asthma or vegetarianism or some shit, but there is an actual answer. The answer is that he was a comedian who used to be a sports journalist. The Last Leg started as Channel 4’s coverage of the London 2012 Paralympics – those three guys covered it during the Games, and it was so popular that the next year, Channel 4 gave them their own weekly show.

When decided who would cover the Paralympics, Channel 4 wanted people who were funny, who understood journalism, who understood sports, and who understood disability. So they picked Josh, an able-bodied comedian who used to be a sports journalist. Adam, a comedian who was disabled and had a bit of a connection to Parasport, hadn’t covered it as part of his career but did attend the Paralympics in 2008 and did a lot of charity work for Parasport. And Alex, a sports journalist who wasn’t a comedian but was disabled.

Anyway. Hold the Front Page weirdly ignored all that, because it didn’t fit their contrived storyline, but I did find the episodes got better as the show went on. The last episode featured some of the 2022 Edinburgh Festival, and it was interesting to see that on display.

But none of that is the point of this post. The point of this post is the screenshot of what I'm fairly sure is, despite nothing on TV being real, Nish Kumar's actual laptop:

Awwwww!

I have a sticker on the back of my laptop (old picture of my old laptop, but the same sticker is on my new one too):

I have that sticker because of the laptop from which Nish read during the episodes of The Mash Report when he had to record from home due to lockdown:

But obviously, since nothing on TV is real, that's not his actual day-to-day laptop. But I think I believe that that one from Hold the Front Page is. Nish Kumar goes around in real life with a Bugle sticker on his computer. Fucking lovely.

I've been thinking for a while that once I have enough money saved so I feel slightly comfortable, I should go to the Bugle merch page and buy a sticker to put underneath the "This is less than ideal" on my laptop. The price of a sticker is the least I owe them after all the hours of free entertainment they've given me. Maybe this is my sign that it's time to do that.

[carryingthebanner]

Newsies as Things My Family and I Have Said

Crutchie: I’m cold.

Kid Blink: Go sit in the dryer and put it on gentle cycle.

*Finishes cleaning the couch*

Race: Ok I’m done, so this couch should be nice and lickable.

Albert: *Bursts into Pulitzer’s office*

Hello, old people! I hope your bones still work today.

Elmer: Is that eggnog?

Crutchie: No, that’s gravy.

Romeo: *starts crying because of gift*

Specs: And the Emmy for best actor goes to…*passes sparkling cider as if it were an award*

*another dramatic gift reaction, this time from Tommy Boy*

Albert: And the Emmy for best supporting actor goes to…

*Watching a movie*

Katherine: Oh look, it’s my favorite himbo!

Jack: …

*family member walks in that Henry somewhat recognizes and someone says her name*

Henry: Wait is that Hannah who makes the cakes?

Darcy: Yes, Henry.

Henry: Les, that’s Hannah who makes the cakes.

Les: What cakes?!

Henry: The fancy ones!

Les: *panicking* What fancy cakes?!

Race: *sighs.* When in doubt, just call her a cousin.

Henry: Fair enough.

Les: Ask Medda who her dad is.

*Hannah standing directly across from Medda talking to someone else*

Henry: Hey Medda, who’s-

Les: Shhh!

Henry: *lipsyncs* Who’s her dad?

*finds out she’s their second cousin*

Race: WHAT DID I SAY-

Katherine: Jack, say something to the baby!

Jack: What am I supposed to say?!

Katherine: You could recite the entire plot of an anime and he literally wouldn’t care.

Spot: *wakes up and comes to the kitchen at 5:50 PM* Can I have breakfast?

*Finch has been pacing around the kitchen and finally sits down*

Smalls: Enjoyed your walk?

Mike: How big is this baby, 25 pounds?

Ike: You, who lifts weights, think that this 5 month old is anywhere near 25 pounds?

Mike: …

Ike: This baby is literally only one pound less than the turkey.

Romeo: *Wearing a birthday button with his name on it*

Katherine: Happy birthday, Romeo!

Romeo *freaking out*: Jack, how’d she know my name?

Race: I am crying, shaking, throwing up over the lack of deep conditioner.

Elmer: Wait, really?

Race: No, but I feel like it.

Davey: Say goodbye to the baby!

Les: Um… bye little dude.

Davey: No, walk over to him and say it.

Les: No.

Davey: *calls baby’s mother* Make him say bye to the baby!

Bowery Beauty: LES, YOU BETTER SAY GOODBYE TO MY BABY!

Katherine: I’m going to rip my uterus out with my bare hands.

Sarah: *blinks*

Race: *talking to baby’s father* Goodnight, *baby’s name*.

Race: Wait no - my bad.

Mush: Yeah because when I had a conversation with Spot…

*silence with also a lot of confusion and awkwardness*

Hot Shot: It seems like there were some things that weren’t supposed to be said.

Spot: Yeah, that conversation was private.

Davey: I’m so confused - nothing has been said???

Race: THE TEA IS HOT.

JoJo: *grateful sniffles* I was going to go to Walmart and buy me this gift-

Crutchie: Then buy it and reimburse us then.

*gets the same exact gift when they also have a lot of the same stuff*

Buttons: Ahh! We get to be Bobbsey twins again!

Sniper: Please stop.

Medda: You were valedictorian in college.

Davey: Wow.

Katherine: Wait - what? You’ve never told me that.

Jack: I was valedictorian in junior high school, Medda.

Buttons: *cracks egg* It’s a boy!

[localtransdude]

Hi! I came across your blog because of an old post you made about transmasc outfits. I am very short (almost 5'2) and I'm also skinny, but my thighs are quite big (genetics, I think). Men's clothes are too big for me, but I feel awkward wearing boy's clothes, even though I can get away with it because I'm still a teen. Shorts are a nightmare because there are too loose on my waist and too tight on my thighs. Do you have any tips? (sorry to bother, as well)

Hey brother, so I’m also right around your height, and I can’t recommend wrangler enough. For pants, they have a lot of room in the hip and thigh area while still fitting the whole leg, but you’re best bet is going to be to get the tailored for the length (easy tutorials online, my mom worked in a fabric store so she usually helps me). Given our height, pants are hard to find for that reason. Shorts on the other hand can be more finicky as you said. I’ve found a lot of luck in Walmart shorts (George brand), they tend to run a little wider in the leg but don’t balloon like others.

Less fashionable, but honest life savers early in my transition were cargo shorts. They were always roomier in the thigh. My problem area has always been more my hips than my thighs, but these did wonders and I’d assume for you, they might hide your thigh bulk with the pockets, giving the illusion that that’s what’s making your thighs bulkier.

There’s no shame in wearing boys clothes, esp at your height. My dad wears child size beanies. I have pajama pants from the boys section and one of my favorite long sleeves is an XL in boys. I stayed wearing stuff in the boys section until I was well into 16. By then my body kinda bulked out.

With that figure and height and just being trans, we don’t have lots and lots of outfit options or clothes options, but when we find them, they’re gold. You just have to keep looking, and keep what you find so you can grow what you have. A little mundane but hey, it means we won’t fall into fast fashion right? Lmao, best of luck king, if you need anything else dw just send away

[callipraxia]

I am drowning in paper…I want to blame my addiction to back-to-school sales, but tbh…

1) I can only blame 3 of these on a back-to-school sale, and

2) I have a few more elsewhere, in odd sizes. (Not even counting the half-composition books I’ve decided to draft short stories in).

In my defense, I bought six of these (the purple ones on the far right and the first three red ones on the other side of the five pale blue ones) in threes on purpose; no part of FWJB perfectly fit a notebook (I wrote bits of two or three shorter pieces in the back of IV’s book, then tore out the perforated pages at the very back to donate to IE’s, which ran way, way over the length of the volume; the book for IG still has about 30 pages blank, as about half of it was only composed on the computer after I kept moving the order of scenes around, which made keeping them in a bound notebook…fun), but I got attached to the idea of writing in threes. Both the original three FWJB notebooks (3 is pictured in the foreground) and the purple ones are Leuchtturm’s; I got them half-price from a webshop that was no longer going to carry the brand, and this made them fall into the happy space between “nice enough to feel a bit special (and to handle the abuse of being lugged around in my purse for all that time), but not so nice or unique that I don’t feel like I can actually, y’know…write in them.” Four blue ones and four red/burgundy ones are from a Walmart brand, Exceed; same number of pages as the Leuchtturms, and share the fun trait of numbered pages, but a bit taller and broader and with heavier paper which is lovely to write on, even though they’re less than half the price of the Leuchtturms. Mostly got those on clearances too, though, as apparently I’m very odd in liking ruled notebooks and loathing dotted ones, so the ruled ones were cleared out. I don’t remember where the one with constellations on it came from, only what I had planned to use it for, but one of the two non-Exceed red ones came from a Tuesday Morning (a dumping ground for unsold upmarket materials at very low prices, like TJMaxx; I buy an odd amount of tea at those two shops, as they almost always have some of these really lovely English-blended Ceylons available, and I can’t find anything anywhere else quite like them). The constellation notebook was meant for a loose collection of short stories with Future Dipper that probably won’t happen; the purple ones were for another AU trilogy which also probably won’t happen…there’s 18 of them here. I wrote FWJB in about a year and a half, I think? So if I get back to writing at that speed again…geez, what, roughly ten years of workspace are currently in my kitchen? I gotta come up with another series idea…or, like, shake my head, point out to myself that the very idea of eventually writing 21 Gravity Falls novels is insanity, and dedicate myself to trying to write something original that I can at least attempt to make money with, but let’s be realistic, here. I’m probably a lot more likely to a) still be obsessed and b) still have an audience to inflict my obsession on when GF turns twenty than I am to straighten up and do something sensible. Not a terribly sensible person, me, as this hoard no doubt helps illustrate ;)

Moral of the story, though, kids: just because it is on clearance isn’t a good reason. Do what I was smart enough to do *before* I started my first trilogy, which was “only buy the notebooks when you have thoroughly committed to writing the book, have a plan already in place and etc.” Start thinking about the future and what you might do and next thing you know, you end up a) with a dragon’s cache of books to fill and b) eventually have an odd mood and decide confession is good for the soul and show said cache to the Internet at 11pm on a Thursday.

[andstilliam]

yesterday i went for a walk to the walmart to get my scientific calculator for chemistry. i have a graphing calculator which we are not allowed to use for tests and exams. i probably could’ve had accessibility give the green light but i don’t even know how to use the graphing function very well first of all. secondly, it was giving me the wrong answers for stoichiometry equations. by getting the calculator at walmart instead of the bookstore, i saved about $5-8.  

today i finished my psych quiz, bio lab and my part of my biology lesson. i wanted to get that out of the way so i can focus on chemistry all day tomorrow and over the weekend to prep for my exam but i did not finish my to do list. so i have to work on it tomorrow morning before starting chem. i accidentally completed the 2nd quiz for psychology before the 1st one and it was on neuronal signalling which i actually learned about over the summer with action potentials so that was cool to come across familiar terminology. repetition makes revision easier. unfortunately i missed the chem exam review via teams today. i totally forgot about it. but that’s okay. there’s so much stuff online. i might skip chem tomorrow morning because it's posted online afterwards anyway and i really need to finish this bio lesson because i can't let it pile up later. the notes are endless for that course.

i’ve been some having some nausea and dizziness lately. i still have some zofran left and i’m thinking of taking them again. 

honestly i can’t believe how easy life can be when you’re treated somewhat fairly. even just realizing i can easily access accommodations, like it changes everything. i can’t believe all that discrimination over the years was done just to make me skinny, depressed, hopeless and self destructive. that’s so fucked up, like just tell me to be skinny to access the basics and pleasures of life and i will… that’s a fantastic life if you ask me! in that case, i think a lot of us enduring anorexics are much happier having acquired that knowledge, the truth (at least those of us with a level of functionality). i will sacrifice my health and a deluded sense of “recovery” if it means i can get a degree, absolutely i will. no problem at all! anyway, all that matters is that i look the part. so that’s coming soon and i will never let it gooooo. 

aside from whatever may be brewing outside of me, on an internal level, it was always important for me to solidify my eating disorder behaviours away from the health adversities i faced. there’s such a difference between being in active crisis and finding solace within your disorder. i spent so many years in crisis and feeling like i required a lot of help and care to do the bare minimum. some of that is still true, but it’s not the same. i don’t feel lost without direction the way i once did. i don’t feel like i’m going to die unless i get an MRI— i got one already, like i went through my round of treatment and i feel like i can relax now. i can relax into my long awaited, preferred and perfected behaviours. i waited so long for this, to just be. it’s the external world that creates chaos. it’s the propaganada surrounding eating disorders that makes you perceive yourself as wrong, as less than, like “recovery” is this beautiful journey to embark on and none of that is true. it’s just not true. it creates so much trauma in our lives. i never would’ve felt less than, i never would’ve felt not good enough outside of myself if these sick eating disorder circles didn’t exist online. i would just be going my merry little way and i’d get medical care for any and every complication to occur throughout my life. because life really is that simple. so it completely ruined my mental health and my life and it did for many others too. i’m not alone.

i spent so long completely unable to control myself. it was progressive and i knew something was wrong with me. i waited so long just to get help. for me, this is not a teenage phase or rebellion, anorexia is about being who i am because i find peace in sameness. and i was unable to control my food intake and my response to it as well and that is the sole reason for my suffering here on earth, since i was very young. it’s distressing. and i am not distressed by accepting that i cannot eat regular portions of food like average people and i can even have fun with it and make a game out of it. for me, eating is pain. always has been. my darkest days come from 1) undiagnosed epilepsy and bartter syndrome and 2) believing in a false recovery narrative that was created for the purpose of toying with our mental and physical health. i’m fine exactly as i am. the real barrier is the lack of access to medicine. you can’t wilfully deny care to anyone. a lot of people struggle with their eating but only some of us with poor mental health are chosen to combat the system because we have the right connections, or because of tokenism. think about how much better my life could have been if i was just treated fairly by the medical system, if i was allowed to just be, if jennifer gaudiani never entered my life, if edtwt never existed… i would have been free. anorexic or not. bulimic or not. epileptic or not. i would have been free. the internet destroyed my life. i don’t want to be apart of this. i just don’t understand putting people through hell, children, literal children through hell because you want to prove a point. if i was a doctor and i found out that essentially i’m violating my oath by killing people and tainting the careers of other doctors, i would quit my job for the greater good. you’re just as bad as them. you ruined my life when i could’ve had the chance to move on, to be treated…….and the only way i can contribute to this is by starving myself. you don’t think that my life has more meaning than that? fuck you. and then it looks like i’m refusing to comply with a broken entity rather than the system refusing to work for/ with me. pathetic. how does it feel to be the devil’s advocate? you were better off hiding in plain sight, a wolf in sheeps clothing, because i still would’ve been free. what’s that saying again? oh yeah, misery loves company. as long as my family can protect me from these horrible doctors and help me get a job, well, that’s a fantastic life, i must say. i mean, i’m pretty mad….i’m still processing but also, like, this is the coolest thing i’ve ever been apart of in my entire life. i feel like i’m in a spy kids movie except the doctors are the evil sadists entrapping us and i don’t have cool intelligence gadgets to stop them. spy kids is way cooler. hopefully i can contribute in other ways aside from maintaining a low weight, but whatever works, i guess. ;) 

hopefully next year i can take stats and cs courses again.

mom saw a neuro hottie today, she said. my future hubby will definitely be a neurologist or at least a neuroscientist! :P

[one-without-fear]

25 Things Ep. II

26) Your idea of a perfect first date?

First? Hmm breakfast date or going to an arcade. Mornings tell you a lot about a person, and competition also shows you who a person is.

27) What is something most people don't know about you?

I’m terrified of deep water, doesn’t matter what or where. I still think a shark is going to get me in a public pool.

28) What makes you feel the happiest?

Watching tv and feeling my dog at the foot of my bed.

29) What store do you shop at most often?

Walmart or Target.

30) How do you feel about oral? Giving and/or receiving?

At first, tbh I despised it. There was no way my mouth was going there. I just didn’t want to, I had a girl do it and she sucked lol. Also, it hurt and that probably played a factor in receiving. Now? I’ll give all day long, I don’t like to receive because I’m afraid it’ll be bad or it won’t be done right.

31) Do you believe in karma?

I do.

32) If you had an hour left to live, what would you do?

I’d make a 20 minute goodbye video, if you’re on it, you were important. The last 40 minutes, I’d want to be having sex. Hopefully I just disappear once my hour is up lol. Not just cease to exist in the middle. Awkward.

33) Do you think flowers or candy are a better way to apologize?

Neither. Had written letter. Flowers are stupid, they die. And candy? Did you eat mine first and that’s why you’re sorry?

34) Are you a good swimmer?

I’d say so.

35) Coffee or Tea?

Tea.

36) Online shopping or shopping in person?

Depends.

37) Would you rather be older or younger than your current age?

Younger.

38) Cats or Dogs?

Dogs.

39) Are you a competitive person?

Yes.

40) Do you believe in aliens?

I believe in aliens more than I believe in ghosts.

41) Do you like dancing?

Nope, I don’t. I physically can’t lol.

42) What kind of music to you listen to?

Rock, country, emo, rap, all kinds.

43) What is your favorite cartoon character?

Tommy Pickles. He was a pretty smart baby lol.

44) Where are you from?

Vegas.

45) Eat at home or eat out?

Depends on what, and who’s cooking.

46) How much more social are you when you're drunk?

Far less. I don’t talk lol.

47) What was the last thing you bought for yourself?

Books?

48) Why do you think your followers follow you?

Depends on the platform tbh.

49) How many hours do you sleep at night?

Not enough.

50) What worries you most about the future?

That I don’t know what I want or need to get to who I want to be. I don’t even know who I want to be, or what I want to be when I grow up 😂

[advancedimagesblog-mel]

Blog Post #5

"Tell us about the last thing you purchased..." I would have discussed the real ‘last purchase’ I made, which is either a Venti Starbucks Iced Pumpkin Cream Chai (i’m extremely addicted to these…), or some shirts I bought from Urban Outfitters for my birthday, however, I connected with a topic that was said in class. In class we discussed shoes, and the possibility of someone being so connected to a pair of shoes they never threw them out. That was me, and I genuinely wore a pair of Vans for 7 years straight. I bought these shoes in the 7th grade, and lucky for me that’s when my feet stopped growing. They were a flat shoe, black with a white band, and were SO trendy on tumblr within the aesthetic I was going for; picture vic fuentes emo fans with their vans, cause thats all I wanted to be. I bought them with my own money after years of wearing Walmart knock offs, and I loved them. I wore them while finishing elementary school, all throughout highschool, and even into my year off of school where I just worked.  Originally, purchasing these shoes meant that I would be slightly trendy and cooler than I was. It also ‘symbolised’ fitting in, and showing I had the money to be able to afford something that wasn’t a knock off, even though I bought them on sale for less than $50 dollars. At the time, I was mainly focused on looking cooler, but all the points above still stand. I personally wanted to fit into a certain style and aesthetic and bought the shoes to match it; the shoes themselves are supposed to be skater shoes, but were adopted by emo kids as their favourite bands wore them. I absolutely loved those shoes, and I actually still have them. I wore them everyday and it became a kind of joke with my friends and family that I would never throw them away. After 7 years, the shoes became faded, turning a shade of brown from being sun bleached. I wore holes in the soles of the shoes, and yet continued to wear them. The band became a dull cream, and was beginning to separate from the black fabric. The symbol of self expression turned into a hoarder style problem I have; I keep literally everything and will use it until it’s broken, which makes me incredibly sad. They also became a symbol of being broke to literally everyone but me. I had more than enough money to buy a new pair of shoes, but I didn’t want to. I loved the shoes even though they were getting old. Eventually, my mom forced me to buy a new pair. The shoes were causing back pain and were genuinely eating holes in my socks. We were going on a trip to Italy and she said she wouldn’t bring me if I brought the shoes. I decided to not get another pair of vans, but instead, get a pair of Converse. The same genre of shoe in my brain, but something slightly different. It took a lot of arguing to get me to buy the shoes (AND FOR NO REASON, LIKE 7 YEARS IS GROSS…), but I eventually caved and bought the shoes I’m currently wearing. These shoes have lasted quite well, besides the laces needing to be replaced after a summer of working in a bar. Now I have hello kitty laces ;-) I still miss my old shoes and the life I had with them. They took me many places and were with me throughout my teenage years. But now I have new jokes with my converse; like how long it takes to lace them up, and how I’m always the last to leave because of it. I also have new experiences with them, like my trip to italy, and the first dates I had with my boyfriend. I hope I can keep my converse for the same amount of time, and maybe I just buy a new pair of shoes for every new phase of my life.

[diamond-coral]

The Heist- Part One

dark!Steve Rogers x Reader

You were just supposed to rob a government official’s apartment. Not Captain America’s. Right?

Series Warnings: Dark, Rape/Non-Con, kidnapping, strip club stuff, swearing

Chapter Warnings: Mentions of a strip club, swearing, committing crime ig, nothing much really.

You sure as hell weren’t a criminal. Well- your record would say otherwise, but it’s not like this was your dream profession. You wouldn’t call yourself a criminal. More of a Walmart Robin Hood; stealing from the rich and giving too...well...yourself. Fine. You were a criminal. But a girl had to pay the bills. At least you got to stick it to the man, right?

You let out a sigh while evaluating your life choices. It wasn’t every little girl’s dream to be breaking into houses and apartments for some cash or valuable possessions. Technically, you were an artist by day, going to art school in New York, living the aesthetically pleasing dream of student loans and a sky-high rent that your shifts at the strip club were hardly making a dent in. But hey, at least one time you got to dance for Captain America, even if he was reluctant and a bit shy. You were certain very few women could say the same.

And that’s how you found yourself in the elevator of a cozy apartment complex, traveling upward toward your new objective. Bella, your roommate, literal partner in crime, and the only good thing that came out of socializing with your coworkers at the club, had given you a new lead of a man who was supposedly loaded and yet lived in an accessible and modest living space. He was single, and worked some sort of political job that left his apartment constantly vacant, specifically on the day you planned for your heist. A perfect target. Some corrupt government worker who wanted to live a ‘low profile life’ yet was dumb enough to settle down in a complex who’s only security was a couple cameras and guards. Bella would easily be able to freeze the frames on the cameras for an hour, giving security the false pretense that the hallways were empty and giving you the perfect window to snatch some fancy watches and some cash.

The elevator doors opened right as you received a text message from Bella.

Cameras taken care of. Now go pay our rent ;)

You exited the elevator only to collide with a blonde woman carrying a laundry basket.

“Oh god, I’m so clumsy I’m so sorry!” she exclaimed while bending down to pick up the clothes that had fallen out of the basket.

You bent down to help her collect her clothing. “No, I’m so sorry! That was completely my fault!” You offered a smile as you stood back up, but was met with a calculating gaze as she studied you.

“I’m sorry, are you new around here?” She seemed to catch herself and her demeanor changed. “It’s just, I’ve never seen you around here before.” She gave  a small smile.

“Oh ,I’m just a girlfriend!” you replied. “Just stopping by.”

“Are you Steve’s girlfriend?” she asked while gesturing to the door at the end of the hallway with her head. It was your target’s door. So the political scumbag’s name was Steve. Lovely. “I don’t think he’s home right now.”

Your brain churned out a fast response. “Yeah, I know. Unfortunately for me, he’s always working. I just left my purse, and he gave me his keys to stop by and pick it up.”

“Well I’m just glad he’s found someone with all his work. I know it’s been hard for him.”

The two of you exchanged one last goodbye smile before she stepped into the elevator.

“I’m Sharon by the way. And you are...?”

“Olivia,” you replied, the fake name came out as a second nature as the elevator doors closed.

You let out the breath you’d been holding. 

“Well that could’ve gone worse,” you mutter to yourself as you approach the door at the end of the hallway.

You slipped the lock picker out of your sleeve before checking your surroundings cautiously. A minute after proceeding to insert the pick into the lock, a soft click resounded from the wooden door, and it easily swung open with a turn of the knob.

As you entered through the doorway, you took into account the little bits of vintage decoration that was dispersed amongst more modern furniture. A small Uncle Sam poster, a couple of war antiques, and some old photos with figures that remained unrecognizable in the distance. This government official seemed to have fought either in World War II or Vietnam, probably making him old. You shuddered at the fact you’d called yourself his girlfriend, but Sharon hadn’t seemed to bat an eye. Either way, you didn’t care for antiques, as much as they would have sold for a hefty price. They were probably personal to him and as you walked around, you realized there were quite a few personal items that were no use for you. As you walked into the bedroom a glint from the dresser caught your eyes, and your chest filled with giddiness and excitement as you neared. Three beautiful watches were on display under the mirror that sat atop the dresser. A Cartier that would probably sell for 8,000, a Rolex that would go for 10,000 easily, and then a beautiful older Rolex. With careful hands you snatched up the two newer watches and placed them into the small knapsack you’d been carrying. After consideration, you decided to leave the older one as it probably held a sentimental value and wouldn’t give you as much money as the other two.

You walked around some more, occasionally picking up valuables like solid gold tie clips and little pieces of Stark technology, which you were surprised he had. You had to be filthy rich to support, much less afford, anything made by that war profiteer. You picked up stashes of cash lying around, which seemed to be a lot. This man definitely seemed to use cash more than credit card which wasn’t as common around people your age. As you were rummaging around his study for any pieces of fine art (which you had already gotten two of) or government documents you could sell on the black market, you knocked over a picture frame which had landed on a file that read CLASSIFIED in red letters...right under the six letters that spelled S.H.I.E.L.D. This fucker was a S.H.I.E.L.D official. You were gonna kill Bella for the vague intel.

“Shit I need to get out of here,” you mumbled. Senators and representatives were fine targets, all usually too old and skeevy for you to care about, but a S.H.I.E.L.D. official was dangerous and could get you somewhere worse than jail. Hell, you could’ve accidentally broken into Nick Fury’s place. You were screwed. So screwed. And you needed to get the hell out of this apartment. As you went to put the picture back, you glanced at it, before doing a double take and squinting at it in the dark room. Oh. This was much worse than accidentally breaking into Nick Fury’s place.

The two men laughing with an arm around each other in war uniforms with an arm around one another was innocent enough until you could finally make out their faces. Steve Rogers an easy enough one to make out, especially considering you were on his lap a couple weeks ago, and James Buchanan Barnes looked practically unrecognizable without a murderous glare on his face.

“No,” you muttered before quickly placing the picture back down. 

You once again assessed your surroundings. It all made sense. The subtle 1940’s vibe, the war antiques. Bella had said he did work for the government and that wasn’t a lie. In the corner of the room you spotted a large circular leather case that was partially unzipped. Through the slight opening of the brown leather, the red, blue, and glinting bright silver was unmistakable.

“No, no, no, fuck,” you muttered frantically as you checked your watch. You still had 38 minutes before the security cameras in the hall unfroze. That was enough time to put everything you stole back. You’d much rather work open to close shifts at the club every day for three months straight than get fucked over by Captain Fucking America. 

You scrambled out of the study, moving to the living room first to put back the authentic paintings. You grabbed a stool from the high bar counter in the kitchen so you could rehang the medium sized work of art. Your mind was racing. This had to be karma for all the horrible shit you’d done in the past. God decided he had enough of your delinquent shenanigans and set you marching straight into the arms of America’s righteous hero. As you finished hanging the painting you spun around on your heel, completely forgetting you were on a wobbly wooden stool. Your heart stopped for a moment before you regained your footing. Carefully climbing down the stool, you almost missed the subtle turn of a lock coming from the door.

Oh you were so done for. Your limbs flew everywhere as you scrambled to the bedroom, sliding under the bed right as you heard the door open. The rumble of Steve Roger’s voice was clear as he talked on the phone and it cut through the walls from the living room.

“Well yea Buck, obviously Tony’s gonna be a little cold toward you. Not that I blame him. I’m just thankful he didn’t start an entire civil war over it. I guess it’s just a good thing we’re not war criminals.” He let out a chuckle before pausing. “Hey Buck? Yeah. I’m gonna have to call you back.” Another pause and you heard some rummaging around. “Why? I think my apartment was just broken into. I gotta go down to security. Yeah, thanks bud.” 

Steve hung up and you heard some angry muttering as he walked into his room. From under the bed you saw his tennis shoes and dark jeans as he paced at the foot of the bed. You covered your mouth to stop your anxious breathing, afraid he’d hear you from your hiding spot. 

The few minutes he spent in his room felt like eternity before he stomped out and you heard the opening and closing of another door as he exited the apartment. You crawl out from under the bed, your head spinning as you attempted to think of a way out of your predicament.

The window.

Quickly and quietly, you stood up and made your way to his bedroom window, looking out for a fire escape and letting out an annoyed huff when you saw none.

‘Maybe there’s one for the living room window,’ your brain chimed.

You rushed to the living room, scooping up the two watches and your empty knapsack on your way, and almost screamed with joy at the sight of the fire escape next to the window. Your fingers curled around the bottom of it and give it a sharp tug up, opening it just enough for you to squeeze through. 

Just as you were about to lift your leg over the ledge and climb down the stairs to sweet sweet freedom, being able to forget about everything that ever happened tonight, a large hand wrapped around the back of your neck and wrenched you back with such force that you tumbled backwards and landed on your butt.

He was massive. Six feet of pure muscle towered over you as you trembled from your position on the floor. He squatted down, resting his elbows on his knees as he took you in, blue eyes practically cutting through the darkness, and you let out a small whimper.

“Didn’t your mother ever tell you stealing is wrong?”

[ff7-has-taken-me-over]

So I watched all the animated resident evil films on a whim and they’re so stupid and horribly animated but they’re a really good watch. Not for like genuine movie watching purposes but because they’re something light and enjoyable to make fun of and have playing in the background.

But anyway! I watched them completely out of whack (same as the games honestly) so the latest one I watched ended up being Damnation and can I just say, Sasha x Leon? 👌 nice.

That’s not what I’m here for though! I was so fuckin sad they killed JD off after all of that. He was so adorable and loved Leon’s American ass and I just found it so cute. So I thought of a small trope that weirdly hasn’t been done. (It probably has honestly and I’m just looking in the wrong tags)

It’s super basic and just gives Leon a god damn proper break without Hunnigan calling him out for a mission. But in it it’s just him flying JD and Sasha over to America (because what else is he going to use his government pay on )and showing them around Washington and New York.

JD fucking loves it and looks like a literal child whenever he shows him anything new. He also turns into one of those cliche tourists that gets anything and everything that has the American flag on it, but it’s honestly adorable.

Sasha seems rather indifferent but it’s obvious how much he’s enjoying himself and how much he enjoys seeing his best friend so happy. Leon’s finding it quite fun as well, quite happily spending his money on them and doing whatever the hell they want.

They stay with him because his apartment’s big enough to host them. He made sure to buy a big one in case Chris or someone decided to come over or if his mission partner needed a place to crash and they lived too far away. It had come in handy more times then he could count honestly.

There was the slight issue of Leon actually being a room short because he had forgotten to clean it out after his last mission but after a lot of debate (and endless teasing from JD about it) Leon and Sasha ended up sharing his bed.

The latter had refused to let Leon take the couch in his own home and Leon refused to make Sasha sleeping in anything less than a decent bed after shooting him. So they compromised.

Shit slowly develops between the two and JD, the lovely guy that he is, simply smiles and tells them to hang out while he goes to Walmart for some food (something he seems unreasonably excited about)

You get the gist from there. But I just- ugh! Was so sad they killed JD off like that. I should’ve seen it coming because it’s Res and they always kill the best friend of whoever Leon’s partnering up with but still. It sucks.

[tiffyfoundsomething]

Alright! This is more in line with my usual reviews.

I’m working on a big batch of MLP including a good number of ponies to be deflocked, and like everyone else, I always need more monies. So here’s my deflocking kit, with some affiliate links. You can just as easily go to Walmart and Dollar Tree to get this stuff.

To get a pony from flocked to deflocked, it takes some hot water and elbow grease.

I use a Farberware electric kettle to quickly heat up some water.

https://amzn.to/3bUrm5O

That kettle is fine for cleaning water, but despite the main container being glass the water does end up smelling and tasting like plastic. No good for making tea or anything like that.

That doesn’t get the glue off, though, just most of the fuzz. Heat makes the glue let go of the flocking, and having it be wet helps keep it from going just everywhere.

I like to use a basic sieve and some paper towels to filter my deflocking water so it doesn’t all end up in the drains or in the ocean. It goes in the trash, instead.

Kind of gross.

To get the glue off, I use my bestest best friend L.A.’s Totally Awesome concentrate at full concentration/undiluted.

https://amzn.to/2OkjsKA

It’s like $13/gal on Amazon, and $4/gal if you go to Dollar Tree and buy 4 1-quart bottles.

I have tried skipping the hot water and rubbing part and going straight to T.A., but the flocking protects the glue from the cleanser, so you do still have to do the hot water part first.

Deflocking is not a fast process.

I put a little bit of T.A. in the bottom of a container and let the parts soak a while. The containers I use aren’t special. This one’s an empty Oxy Clean tub, and I also use the ones that lunch meat comes in.

The thing I like about L.A.’s Totally Awesome is that it will remove lots of annoying glues like MLP flocking glue and Mattel’s nasty head glue (like in some Monster High and Barbie dolls) but NOT remove the factory paint the way acetone will. I’ve watched a bunch of deflocking tutorial videos and it seems like everyone else uses acetone for unpainted areas and paint thinner for painted areas.

Skip all that and get some Totally Awesome. T.A. is also kind of stinky, but not harmfully fumey so you can use it indoors unlike the paint thinner I keep seeing being recommended.

T.A. is effective at dissolving the glue without damaging the paint, BUT getting the glue off still takes a good bit of elbow grease.

I scrub with a stiff, nylon fingernail brush, a hard toothbrush (bought at Dollar Tree, I think, might have been Walmart), and this little serrated sculpting tool that I don’t remember where I got it. I don’t want to post a link to another plastic sculpting tool set that might have a less suitable scraper that ends up damaging someone’s pony. This one has gentle, rounded teeth that aren’t sharp and is pliable enough that I can’t push hard enough to scratch the vinyl.

Sometimes I do have to go back with a cotton swab and some acetone to get particularly stubborn spots.

Important note:

Wear gloves. This stuff isn’t going to burn you if you touch it for a moment and then rinse it off, but deflocking takes time and you will get a chemical burn if it’s on you for a long time.

Mine are like these:

https://amzn.to/3kDBmEo

Get textured, reusable kitchen gloves. Sometimes the best tool for getting off the glue is rubbing with your thumb (same goes for the flocking in the hot water and scrub part), and textured gloves work a little better than smooth ones.

You can see I cuff my gloves. That keeps cleanser or dirty dish water or whatever from running up your arms if you raise your hands a bit.

Another important note:

While T.A. won’t hurt the factory paint USUALLY, it does dry out the hair. I don’t worry about that because every doll or pony I work on gets conditioner treatment regardless.

But, yeah! That’s my basic deflocking kit. I like that it’s only one chemical and that L.A’s Totally Awesome not only is safe for factory paint, but has other uses within my doll repairing hobby.

It’s also a pretty decent household cleanser, though I don’t care for the scent.

[bbhyeoliskooks]

I lovveeee your work!!! I have read like everything lol! You’re a great writer, can I request a slow dancing scenario??? Thank you have a great day❤️❤️

˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩ 𝐃𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 ✩•̩̩͙* ˚

➶ TXT’s Reaction to Slow Dancing with You

•̩̩͙*˚���‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩

Genre: literally 200 cups of fluff and maybe a pinch of angst if you squint

Warnings: Unedited, long cheesy stuff but other than that, none !

Song: Domino

(Ahhhh ><, thank you so much ~! This is so sweet of you to say and I hope you have a great day too 🥺💞 i’m so sorry that it took so long but I worked really hard on this one ++ got super carried away so you’d like it ! And since you didn’t request a member, I just decided to do all five in scenario format so you can have all princes hehe~~ anyway, i hope you like this ! ps i rlly popped off on soobin i swear 🗿🗿)

•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩

˚⁺‧. Yeonjun: ˚⁺‧.

Yeonjun was the sweetest boyfriend one could ever ask for.

You wouldn’t have believed it back then that the boy you met at a store as a soon to be fellow classmate would be your boyfriend in the future, the one who gave you surprise kisses out of nowhere just because he wanted to. 

Well ever since you were children, you’d been best friends thanks to your parents chatting it up a storm whenever there was a party or if they met up randomly in the food aisles of Walmart. It was so boring that you would just rather choose to run away into the toy section to find some amusing things like slime or mud perfume, for example. You always hated waiting for them to finish talking about school and children by yourself as you searched for something fun to play with, and when you saw a boy your age with wide, sparkling eyes gazing at you as if you were a nice toy- that was the start of the roller coaster you could call of being Choi Yeonjun’s best friend.

Two years later after that incident, you could vividly remember the way he asked you to be his wife in the future with a cherry ring pop in hand. It was during recess and most of the other children never bothered with him during that time even if he was one of the popular kids. He was always talking about you, talking about how cool you were even if the two of you found some dirt and cherries from the tree to make mud potions with. Adorable five year old Yeonjun took your tiny hand into his and asked you to marry him due to the times you experienced together like running away from the teacher because she looked like a scary green monster or getting yelled at home together since you wandered off by yourselves. Now you couldn’t lie- the only reason you said yes was to eat it later when you got home. But years later, both of you never took it seriously, you had just assumed it was something silly children did in order to act like grownups. Because of this, you could say you truly grew up together and it was so fond to see how the two of you were in fate stuck together, hip by hip. 

High school was so much fun with him, and college was just the same. Besides studying, Yeonjun always made all of your moments in school happy no matter how sad you were. He’d walk and pick you up generously, even waiting after every single chore you volunteered to do for the teacher plus the clubs you attended to. That didn’t mean he kept whining about how much stuff you had to do. The complaining he had when you dragged him along to the library was quite the endearing bunch though, but you wouldn’t be able to give up any second you had of him. He was always right there, right beside your side where you always wanted him to stay. 

And as inevitable as it was, there were countless people whom you loved and lost, but every single time Yeonjun would thankfully be there for you, handing you tissues when you were a mess in bed, spiraling out of control thanks to what love did. Likewise it was the same for you and whenever Yeonjun had a problem with his significant other- plus they eventually broke off- you would always care for him and give him the love that they failed to give. You both figured that life would be fine together as long as you had each other... and maybe that was the push that finally brought you together.

Every single date and argument you had with him only pressed you closer and there was never a dull moment when the two of you were together. You were deeply and irrevocably in love with him and you knew down in your heart that he clearly felt the same way. Choi Yeonjun, although he wore you out whenever he asked for mint ice cream at 1am on a weekday, was the best boyfriend one could ever ask for. 

There was no doubt about it; who wouldn’t give up their entire life just to marry him? Maybe you would ask him or maybe he asked you but knowing him, he would definitely surprise you with the big news whenever you were ready. 

You opened the door after shopping by yourself for a few gifts for Yeonjun- after all, it was your four year anniversary. The front door creaked when you did so, and you winced at the sound which gave your presence away. Great, now the surprise was ruined... however, Yeonjun standing there with a grin on his face was more than good enough- perfect enough that you were left breathless in awe.

He was dressed up, adorned in a black suit that immediately reminded you of the time he first took you out on a date for a fancy dinner. It was perfect. A spotless black tie and everything, you knew he really did his best with the outfit so you would like it. His messy hair was the complete opposite of his tidied up suit, but you weren’t complaining. He still looked as dashing as ever and it made your heart stop in place when he shot you one of those sweet grins, filling up your entire chest with pure love.

You hastily dropped the gifts on the counter, frowning at the difference between the two of you. In a rush to get the presents after a long day of work, you were in your uniform- something that definitely didn’t suit your liking at all. Your anniversary celebration was supposed to be perfect, but here you were ruining it all with your tardiness and clothing. 

In response, Yeonjun’s eyes fell upon the many wrapped up gifts you had taken upon yourself to amaze him with, and you thought he was going to open them due to curiosity. Instead he just took your hand and pulled you to the living room where there was more space, his hand shuffling comfortably to wrap against your waist. 

“Let’s open them later, right now I just want to dance with the love of my life.”

The living room showed how much effort he put into the celebration. You admired the scenery, wondering how long it took for him to do it. With lit, rose scented candles, red petals of the same gorgeous flower sprinkled on the carpet, a soft instrumental of the song “Can’t Help Falling in Love” playing delicately through his speaker, you came to adore the boy in front of you so much more. His words said a lot about loving you already, but when you looked at his actions, it sized up to merely nothing.

“Jjunie, I look like a mess. Won’t you allow me to prepare first before we dance? You put all of this effort for me and I don’t even look good for it,” you muttered quietly, too quiet that you were sure he didn’t hear it. Oh but he did, and he was left feeling a bit somber about your confidence. In that moment he wished he was able to see how much he loved you regardless of your appearance. 

In doing so he pulled you closer, letting you lean comfortably on his shoulder as the two of you swayed gently back and forth. You melted into his embrace, holding him just as much as he did. The chuckle from his chest almost sounding mocking, and he in turn slowly shook his head for the answer. You sighed, knowing how stubborn he was about things like this but at least you gave a try.

Now Yeonjun was pulling you flush against his chest but still rocking you back and forth with him to the rhythm of the song. You hid your face into any part of him you were able to find, feeling embarrassed that he could still make you feel like a teenager in love. Every day was like this with him trying to make you turn into a burning tomato, but gosh did it still get all the heat explode in your face. 

His breath hitched against your ear, practically nipping on it delicately as if you were the most fragile thing on Earth. You shuddered when his voice conjured up a whisper.

“And what makes you think that? To me, you’re the most beautiful person ever and I wouldn’t think any less of it. You’re perfect to me- I’m in love with the prettiest baby there could ever be and I’m glad to call them mine.”

You bit your lip at his words, knowing fully well that it was genuine. 

“I know you tell me this every second with me, but how can I be so sure? Growing up with you was such a blessing and I’m happy as well to be able to receive it, but I’m sure you would fall for someone better.”

“Please, Y/N,” he muttered with sparkles in his eyes, “I only see you. I only want you. And I need only you in order to smile like I do every moment we’re together. I wouldn’t ever be able to get on with life without you, can’t you see? I’m nothing without you and you’re the only person who’s made me this happy.

“Everyday I’m more than grateful to be able to be with you and I know I don’t deserve such a beautiful person like you, inside and out. I still remember chasing you around the playground one Friday and pulling on your pigtails to the point where you cried. I never told you this but I swore to myself that I wouldn’t make someone I loved like you cry ever again like that. How silly was I to not know that the love of my life was in front of me at that moment?”

Saying this he leveled to the ground, bending down on one knee as you gasped in shock. What was he doing?

“I don’t ever want to lose you- I wouldn’t be able to afford it if I ever did. I just want to be with the one and only person who completes me. The one and only person who I can count on whenever I’m sick with the flu. The one and only person who takes me out to mint ice cream at 1am. The one and only person I could really call mine. The one and only person who I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

His hand shuffled in his pocket before pulling a tiny box out and he opened it, showing a tiny sparkling, ring with a resplendent diamond on the top. Not a ring pop, but a real one. You covered your mouth with your shaking hands, feeling a tear fall against your cheek. His eyes were glistening just like the first time you met him and your eyes were the same as his, tearing up because of his sincere words that were nothing less of the truth. 

“So to the person whom I love more than anyone I’ll ever be able to and my true first love... will you marry me?”

He waited for your answer but you just jumped up and pressed your lips against his, showing how much you needed him in a passionate kiss. 

“Y-yes,” you gasped with all your breath, “I’ll marry you, Yeonjun.”

•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩

˚⁺‧. Soobin: ˚⁺‧.

Soobin was absolutely intolerable.

If teasing you in class in front of everyone even if it was something he viewed as lighthearted, calling you weird in front of a person that you really liked and proceeded to tell the embarrassing stories of when you were both in freshman year, and even picking you up- quite literally- when you were getting a bit too close with another person, then that was it. 

You were so tired of the tricks he was pulling, laughing when you talked back with a frustrated tone or pushing him on the chest whenever it got too much. No matter how many times you told him to screw off after a bad or good day alike, he wouldn’t listen. He must’ve been deaf or something, that’s for sure- because the amount of times you caught him staring at you was just exhausting. 

And you could imagine it- almost every day at school was like this, and you certainly had enough. When will he ever learn to leave you alone? Just a day, you prayed with all your soul throughout the years of high school. Just a day. Please...? However, a life without Soobin was too much of wishful thinking and you knew it entirely deep down. But jeez, was it enough for you to go one day of class without him bothering you incessantly?

As you slid your outfit on for prom, you thought of the first time you met him.

It was a lie to say he was the most grotesque, disgusting person you’d ever laid eyes on. It was totally a lie. So much of a lie that God wouldn’t allow you into heaven for saying something so wrong. 

Yes, you had to admit it: Choi Soobin, your one and only enemy was just the cutest. 

Well at first... you thought he was adorable. Puffy, mochi cheeks that reminded you much of like a bunny’s munching on soft bread at the table in front of yours, you swore you could say back then that he was the one you were waiting for all your life in your teenage mind that is. He always shot you a kind smile that only radiated warmth and maybe if you weren’t too shy to say something, then the two of you could’ve been great friends or possibly something more. But as always you stayed next to your friends, wanting hopelessly that he would be the first person to make the move. That saying by itself was too much though. If he wasn’t such a jerk, then you were sure you would’ve already fallen in love with him by now. 

Events like this piled on you every week and you found yourself staring at him every lunch as he did the same. The eye contact felt like electricity whenever it happened. You were entirely entranced by the boy before you, gazing wishfully that you two would actually get to know each other. You were dying to know what secrets lied under those doe eyes and fresh handsome face, not even able to eat your lunch from how concentrated you were of him. Plus he wasn’t intimidating in the sense many people think, it’s just that you were afraid he was going to judge you when you obviously liked him that much. Every now and then you would catch yourself staring at him during the classes you had with him, and that already said a lot. 

Now here comes the worst part. The absolute worst part that wrecked your very important first impression of yourself to him. 

The story goes like this. You weren’t watching your step after finishing your lunch tray, thoughtlessly bringing it towards the garbage can right across the corner. And with that you weren’t looking who was in front of you, trying to throw his trash away in the opposite trash can on the other side of the room. Unfortunately, with him coming right at you and with you looking towards the ceiling at the ball somehow lodged under the pipes, you crashed into him food and all flying everywhere... and at the boy you tried so hard to talk to. 

Okay, so maybe you deserved all of this torment.

Soobin’s cheeks were so red when the tray made a clamorous sound of a clunk and all of the people in the room slowly realizing, started to laugh at the scene in the middle of the room. The glare he sent you gave you shivers down your back as you kept profusely apologizing, trying to wipe away the food on his uniform shirt to no avail. It was like hell to you, and you had never felt so embarrassed in front of a boy your whole entire life.

Soobin just furrowed his eyebrows at your shaky apologies, bending down to hand you your tray. Like a fool, your heart was pounding in your chest when he pushed the tray into your arms as you murmured yet another sorry. The napkins were useless. Obviously he wasn’t able to take it but out of all the chaos, you could hear him whisper something of “meet me in front of the school gate after school” into your ears. 

And you being the worst person you were after spilling rice all over him just had to do it out of guiltiness. For sure you didn’t know what you were getting into as soon as he opened his mouth, giving you a list of chores just for the fun of it. Getting a can of coke for him at the very top school floor because the vending machine there was somehow better than the other ones, buying him a new shirt even when he was just kidding about it, letting him do your hair for a day to go to school in was all you needed to do on the list, but the torment kept coming. He never let you live it down and at this point you were 

What you weren’t expecting however, was for Soobin to be right there at the dance floor, searching around for someone who wasn’t there. Your heart skipped a beat when you saw him in his raven suit, looking as handsome as ever with his entrancing smirk and grinning eyes. You hushed it down, beating your chest down with a hand when you abruptly heard a familiar voice tug at your ears.

“Ah, Y/N! Thank gosh you look terrible today. I guess I have no choice to be your date today, 

Who else could it be?

“Oh, it’s you,” you deadpanned, rolling your eyes when that endearing chuckle rolled by. What were you expecting? It wasn’t as if he was going to stop making fun of you just because this was supposed to be one of the memorable nights in your entire life. You begged to differ though. Awkward and stiff, you hoped that you didn’t stick out like a sore toe in all this fun. Many other students looked like they were having the time of their life, but they were a bit... sweaty and stinky? Mostly the boys but you weren’t paying much attention when Soobin was right in front of you. 

“And me- being your date?!” You asked incredulously, looking as if he had committed a crime. “Why me when you literally have the attention of people all over the whole school?”

When you said this his cheeks turned red before he swatted the tint away. Looks like you had an effect on him. You were sure you hit a nerve because he was stuttering now, unable to look in your eyes as if avoiding them would do the trick. You wondered what he was thinking of before his eyes flashed with an unreadable mischievousness. 

“Hey, don’t you think we should dance? This opportunity comes only once in our life. And you don’t know what may happen,” he suggested, tugging gently on your hand. You hadn’t even realized he grabbed it but just the feeling of it made your ears turn hot. Anymore of this and you would faint by the end of the night.

In no time, Soobin led you to the dance floor where everyone else was dancing. The music changed little by little and it was finally the time that every couple was waiting for. Grant that you weren’t a couple, but maybe one time you’ll let it slide. He must’ve planned this- to ask you by now; the smirk said everything. You rolled your eyes and just admired the several colors of light reflecting off the disco ball, letting an ardent smile engrave your face. That is, until he spoke up,

“Oh wow, I can’t believe you said yes. I thought you’d slap me because I asked,” he teased, bringing you along the rhythm of his feet.

You scoffed at him, glaring down at the floor and at his polished shoes.

“Well, I should’ve. But I’m not that mean of a person and I wouldn’t want to embarrass you again.”

His hand slowly slid down to your waist almost as if he was teasing you while you just rocked awkwardly, feeling the breath in your lungs deplete little by little from how suddenly gentle he was. You were so caught off guard, almost paralyzed in your spot from how casual he did this, like he had done it every single day of his life.

“Listen, I know you hate me and all, but don’t be so stiff. You know I won’t hurt you,” he whispered gently, taking you into his arms. Your heart clenched at the forbidden feeling called ‘oh my gosh you’re turning into the naive freshman who didn’t at first know Soobin’s colors,’ but your burning throat didn’t allow yourself to say anything. He’d just make fun of you if you opened your mouth to say something.

Instead you swayed along with him, listening to the sweet music the person in charge put on. The voice sounded familiar, sweet and melodic, drifting through the room of many people who stopped to look at the person responsible. You, however, was completely blind to this, only focusing on the fact that you were dancing with your sworn enemy. 

Soobin’s hands danced to your waist and you shuddered, biting your lips when he suddenly spoke up.

“Isn’t it a nice song?”

Was he kidding? The more you listened to it, the more you fell in love with it. It sounded soft, so sincere that you were left wanting more. But you couldn’t put your finger on who was singing, although it sounded so damn familiar. 

You just nodded, looking at his chest more so than his face. You were too shy to look at him straight in the eyes, those eyes that seemed to smolder you every time you made eye contact with him. It reminded of you before the time you spilled that cursed rice on him, but you didn’t want to think about those memories anymore. It’d only remind you of how perfect everything could’ve turned out and that you wouldn’t have to deal with a boy like him.

Somehow Soobin pulled you even closer, letting his hand linger on your cheek where it stayed. He treated you with the utmost carefulness, cupping your cheek softly like you were the most fragile thing. You melted into it instantly, admiring his warmness and how he could act this way so as to not ruin your night.

“Believe it or not, I wrote this song for you... I asked the DJ to put it on today. It’s funny to me that you can’t even hear your own name in the song. I thought my own voice would sound familiar to you, you silly goose,” he choked out, letting a smile adorn his face when the realization caught onto you. 

Wait... 

That voice...

Was Soobin?!

And he wrote it for you?!

You instantly connected the dots together, looking at him straight in the eyes now. He was kidding. He had to be. But this...? You weren’t able to comprehend that it was written for you due to the fact you thought he hated you. He hated you, right? With everything he was doing, it was so obvious! You ruined his image in the beginning of the year and if you were put into his shoes, you would’ve hated yourself too. But... but why did the song have to be so loving with cheesy lyrics and the most important to mention, your name! 

All this tugging and pulling on your heart- you couldn’t take it! You couldn’t take the signals he kept sending you and then pushing away like you were nothing!

You stopped immediately, making him pause as well.

“Why are you acting like this? Do you genuinely enjoy seeing me frustrated like this? If you do, then it’s not funny. You’re just the worst,” You cried desperately, tearing up as the taste of frustration lingered on your tongue. Explaining yourself when you were mad at him was the worst-- especially when you couldn’t help sobbing along at how upset you were when he said unbelievable, sweet words.

You were about to start on your feet, away from Soobin- away from someone you tried so damn hard to hate after everything he’d done to you, pushing yourself away from his embrace when he grabbed your arm.

Looking at him you could see how genuine he was under those sparkling, doe eyes gazing at you intently with a somber frown. It had seemed like he acknowledged that fact already, but it only made matters worse. 

“Y/N, I just... look, it’s so hard for me to say but I... I really, really like you, alright? I’m so in love with you and everything you do for the time I get to see you whether that be in class or at lunch. The way you look, the way you act, the way you carry yourself when things get hard... gosh, don’t you know what you’ve done to my heart? Why did you have to steal it so quickly when we made eye contact for the first time?”

He started leaning in now, but you were standing too still at the confession. It was stupid, but the tears in your eyes were preventing you from saying anything. He must’ve been kidding- he had to be! He had to be lying... he just had to, right? But the heartfelt words being spilled from his lips proved that he was more in love with you than anyone else and he was showing it right now. 

And at the most vital moment- just before touching your lips with his- he stopped. Robbed you of whatever was going to happen. Took away what freshman and present you wanted most. He was just close enough that you could feel his breath fan across your lips, almost mocking you of how close you were going to get him. 

“Is this okay?” He breathed impatiently, almost glazing his lips against yours to the point where you were considering making the move yourself. 

“Yes, yes it is, stupid. And gosh you have to know how whipped I am for you too,” you shakily blurted out, letting him know how much you really liked him as well. Your hands almost covered your big fat mouth from saying much more, but what was done was unfortunately done. 

That was it. He knew it now. The whole truth you were dying to let him know. You finally said it and the prolonged silence between the two of you made you want to take back your words, but the way Soobin reacted the moment you said that-

it was enough for him to crash his lips against yours. 

•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩

˚⁺‧. Beomgyu: ˚⁺‧.

“My dearest Y/N, what are you doing out here? Please come back with me to the castle; it isn’t safe to be here, you know that.”

Wait... when did he show up here?

And d-dearest? You had to be hearing things! 

Immediately you stopped hiding your sullen face in your gloved hands, slowly looking up to see the boy you were thinking of the entire time. In all of his dashing presence, you couldn’t help but notice there was a deep frown on his face. It was almost as if he was disappointed in you leaving, and the remorseful tone in his words made it crystal clear. But it didn’t make any sense at all... how could he be in the secret garden you always came to whenever things got rough? He wouldn’t have known anything about it, not unless he followed you here. 

You instantly got up from where you were sitting on the white angel bench, struggling to speak loudly enough for him to hear.

“P-Prince Beomgyu...? Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be there trying to find someone good enough for your betrothed? I thought you didn’t see me... leave...”

Ardently the prince suddenly smiled when you said this, shaking his head in amusement while you scrambled to find words that would fill the empty, comfortable atmosphere. He seemed to be teasing you with his adorable grin, eyes filling with luminous sparkles as the eye contact he kept making with you wouldn’t come to an end. It reminded you of the stars you always wanted to see from up close, the beautiful ones you had studied a few months before with the old books the queen had received years ago when she too was a princess. Yet, you hated how nervous he obviously made you and eventually looked away from his enamoured gaze that held nothing but love.

“I was looking for you, and I guess I looked right. Mind telling me why you’re here now, prince/ss?”

His soft voice warmed your ears all the more, its velvet low timbre echoing through the moonlight as he took a few steps towards you. He reached out his hand easily, waiting for you to take it but you just weren’t able to, not with what happened back there. The look on your face must’ve been priceless when you sensed he was coming closer and you instinctively took a few steps back, unfortunately tripping onto one of the rose bush vines and falling backwards.

Preparing to fall to your ultimate demise, you shut your eyes tightly- not caring if you died right then and there. It wouldn’t matter much anyway, right? What a pretty way to die, right there in front of whom you wanted to call your beloved. 

“Hey, be careful!”

In a split second, you felt someone’s arms wrap around your torso, their hands holding tightly around your waist so you wouldn’t fall. It felt way too familiar to you and you opened your eyes, gasping once you saw who saved you. 

Filling your ears again was the warm, tender voice of Prince Beomgyu who stared right down at you with concern in his expression. You looked up to him with wide eyes, wondering when he was going to level you to the ground as expected. However, it seemed like he wasn’t going to do just that yet; you could see the mischievousness in the smug smirk he was wearing. Then to keep you secure, he brought you closer towards him but didn’t dare to let go of his comfortable position over your waist. 

“You just proved my point,” he murmured, “Why did you come out here when you know it isn’t safe here in the first place, dear?”

The moonlight glistened across his face, showing radiantly his beauty as the heart caged in your chest performed several flips. It was always like this whenever you saw him... wherever, really, at the balls or whenever his family made a trip to Amaryllis Kingdom. Before shuffling away from him on your own accord your eyes flickered to his lips, exhausted to see how much you were entranced by him.

“Why did I come out here? And you’re calling me, your dear?! With all due respect, will you stop acting like you do not know?” 

You scoffed tiredly at his words, dusting yourself off as you pushed him away from you. The pent up frustration was clear in your voice and you almost felt guilty for him, if not for what he did back there. What was he expecting to say when you were angry solely at his actions? An okay? An agreement to go to the castle again when he was more interested in what your best friend had to say?

He shot an incredulous look at you, furrowing his eyebrows until they knit sourly together. “What are you saying? I’m flabbergasted here! Tell me what’s been going on so I can make it better!”

You shook your head back and forth rapidly, pursing your lips as he inched towards you through little steps.

“If you wanted to make it better, then you shouldn’t have avoided me like I was the plague! It’s been such a long time seeing you after the last ball, and I- I miss you terribly... I just don’t understand why you had to leave me to seek out my friend.” Your voice became as quiet as a mouse squeaking when you neared towards the end of your words, holding back at yelling at him when it really wasn’t his fault for finding someone better for his betrothed anyway. It didn’t mean it hurt any less still, knowing that you were so close to the chance of loving someone so sweet and caring like him. 

Beomgyu reached out to you tenderly and this time you took it silently without complaint, watching as he pressed a few kisses on the top of your hand. How could someone cause you to feel so many things in a minute, making your anger vanish the second he let those words fly out of his lips? 

“That wasn’t what I meant to do, prince/ss...”

In a crumbling motion, the rest of your resentment dissipated and dripped into the puddle right beside you. It slowly became into a sadness that even his smile wouldn’t be able to heal, showing you how you should’ve never messed with the entanglements and matters of love. It only indicated how much you were doomed to accept the fact that he would never be yours. 

“Enlighten me, please,” you begged now, ignoring how his blossom lips trembled upon hearing your despondent request. 

Instead he just took your hand into one of his, squeezing tightly so that you would listen. His lace sleeve brushed up against your arm as he went to cup your cheek, making you shudder along with the breeze that flew by the two of you. The warmness of his hand made you lean against it, sighing in relief at how long the desire to at least touch him was finally satisfied. 

“That never was my intention, Y/N. I apologize for making you feel like that, I truly am a fool not to notice. I was talking to your friend to know the things you wanted in an ideal prince. I thought I wouldn’t ever be good enough for you so that took way longer than expected... And I guess I’ve missed you for so long too that I was a bit nervous to face you, but I know that isn’t an excuse either. I’m so sorry for my actions tonight. I’ll make it up to you once we get back to the ballroom.” His thumb rubbed softly against your cheekbone as the desperation in his eyes caught onto you, letting you know how much sincerity there was in both his words and lips.

And yet, you couldn’t help but smile. He was always so caring like this, despite making everything out of humor, and maybe that’s why you fell in love with him.

“You should’ve asked me first, Gyu.” He cringed at the way you seemingly forget to mention his title before you continued again. “You know that you’re more than good enough for me. You’re simply... perfect.” You let the word fall off your lip and the prince again shot you another charming grin that had your heart pitter-pattering in your chest. 

“I know that now,” he teased, pulling you closer to his arms in an embrace. You wallowed in it for a few seconds, hugging him back as well. He laughed at this, letting his chin drop comfortably on the top of your head.

“Now come on, didn’t I say I was going to make it up to you? Let’s head back to the castle now, my love.” He started to lead you out of your secret garden and into the royal pathway, much to your despise. 

You weren’t sure what happened... It seemed like the happiness you just experienced crashed on your shoulders in waves, and you screamed unfortunately right in his ear.

“No!”

You dug your heels into the dirt, forbidding him to go any farther than what he was hoping. He quickly turned back to you after wincing from the abrupt pain, checking up on you worriedly after your outburst. 

“I don’t want to go back there,” you whispered, looking into his eyes this time. It felt like electricity to you- to know that he was right there listening to you, listening to your worries in order to let you know that he cared.

“Why?” He let his hand trail down to tuck a fallen hair strand behind your ear, and you felt all the more guilty for bothering him like this. It was enough for yelling at him needlessly earlier when it wasn’t what he meant to do, but now this? You caught sight of the mud on your ankles, knowing that the king and queen wouldn’t be too happy about it.

“Because... I hate it there. I know we’re royalty- you’re a prince and I’m a prince/ss, but I don’t want any other people looking at you. They don’t know who you’re going to choose as your betrothed yet- it just makes me anticipate whoever you’re going to pick!”

The expression on Prince Beomgyu’s face was absolutely endearing as he ruffled the top of your head, finding entertainment at your embarrassment. You cringed at how your crown almost fell off, trying to slide it back on as Beomgyu did it for you. 

“You’re so cute,” he chuckled, making all the heat in your face become prominent. This effect he had on you was always surprising, and you were sure he knew that from the confession you just made. You internally groaned at yourself. Why should you be shocked when he never misses the chance to say stuff like this?

“Then... how about we slow dance here instead? After all, I’m sure you can hear the blasting music from here,” he suggested, lifting a curious eyebrow for your response. 

True to his words, you could hear most of the strings from the castle below to your secret garden. You weren’t that far from the castle and both of you wanted to give it a chance, so why hold back now? You let him take not only your hand into the melody of “Clair de Lune,” but also your heart. 

He just smiled nervously at you, allowing you to wrap your arms behind his neck. A rush of nostalgia passed through you, reminding you of the time when you first danced together last year at the ballroom. All too familiar, his hands slid towards your waist and you giggled at the tickling sensation, wallowing at how close he was- enough to press a kiss to his button nose. It was easy to follow his swaying movements back and forth, but you were cautious this time not to trip into the thorny rose bushes. 

Beomgyu carefully twirled you beside him, admiring the way your attire followed you along as well.

“Wait, you do know one thing, right?”

You tilted to your head to the side. What he was taking about- you weren’t sure at all. But you let him continue, feeling his arms bring you closer to his chest.

“You do know that... I love you. So much and entirely so. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Prince/ss Y/N. I want to treat you well and make that beautiful smile of yours become a main part of our life together. I want to have children of our own with you and watch them grow up into princes and princesses or whatever they choose to be themselves. I want to love you for the rest of our life and announce you mine.”

He stopped dancing this time, leaning towards you with hooded eyes. You allow him to, choosing to shut your eyes as well. 

“Now tell me,” he whispered, laying a chaste soft kiss to your lips breathlessly, “will you be my queen when the time comes?”

You only nodded back, melting into the kiss as you took him into an affectionate embrace. 

“Yes, of course, my prince.”

Finally... at last, you found your Prince Charming.

•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩

˚⁺‧. Taehyun: ˚⁺‧.

Needless to say, you were in love with Kang Taehyun. 

You were so in love with the way he made extra time for you in his schedule even if he was busy studying. You were so in love with how he would pick you up despite your protests because apparently he felt unsafe when you weren’t with him. You were so in love with the way he took care of you whenever things got rough and comforted you through the little things like mood swings and disappointment when the waitress forgot to bring out your favorite cake. You were so in love with how he never rushed you into the relationship, promising to wait for you until you were ready. You were so in love with how caring he was towards you; every single day you spent with him made you feel as if you were on top of the world. 

Even curled up in his arms now, you could feel the love you had for him swell in your chest as you looked at the mesmerizing him. He was holding you so gently, so sweetly, letting sweet words fall from his lips in order to make you smile. It obviously worked because you were nothing more than a giggling mess, watching him like a fool to get you to smile. Honestly, he wasn’t that much for public affection, but when it was the only two of you... you were allowed to say that he was clingy and wanted to hold on tight so that you’d never leave. 

The white blanket from beneath you fluttered a little in the breeze and you shivered from how chilly it was. You should’ve brought a coat earlier like Taehyun had said, but it was the summer so it couldn’t have been that cold! You wrapped yourself in your arms, trying to get up if not for the deathly hug of Taehyun. Instead it only encouraged him to hold tighter onto you all the more, squeezing your arms tight in his embrace.

“I told you to wear at least something warmer, Y/N. Now you’re clearly shivering and I don’t want to give up my coat just for you,” he teased and that caused you to hit him playfully on the arm. 

“I didn’t ask for a coat! I love the weather when it’s like this... especially when I’m with you,” you shut your eyes and stuck your tongue at him. The boy just pretended to gag and that made you laugh at his silly reaction.

The birds chirping from up above caught your attention, and you noticed how freely they seemed to be flapping their wings. As corny as it is, maybe one day you’d feel like flying with Taehyun. You weren’t sure how you were going to do it, but you want to make him the happiest he’s ever been in his whole entire life. Hmm... a nice moment of quiet would be good enough for you to think of a solution to that problem. 

Although the silence was nice after that moment, you wanted to do something fun. It’s true that you were already happy since you had the day to spend with him, but this could be the cherry on top before you had to go home. Earlier you went shopping for what he liked and paid for it while he wasn’t looking, despite all of his complaints and tired that definitely hurt your ears. Then the two of you went for ice cream and you teased him about mint flavor before deciding to get the cone. It gave you an idea to have a picnic date with him, minus the food since you already ate lunch together. But it was more than perfect to be with him, really! 

“Taehyun,” you whined, “I’m bored! Don’t you think we should do anything better for your birthday? 

“But it’s pretty,” he pouted, “I thought you liked doing weird stuff like this, you weirdo.”

Rolling your eyes, you picked at the blanket beneath you, kneading it between your fingers as you thought of what to do. “I do, but there has to be a much nicer thing to make your smile wider, you weirdo.”

He let out a huff of amusement, nodding his head along to your idea. “Then what do you think will do that?”

You snickered at his mocking words, swatting his arm away from you so you could get up. He let a grunt of refusal as he let go before you took his hand into yours. He got up soon after with a pearly smile you wouldn’t ever be able to erase from mind. Something like that every day would certainly boost your serotonin if you had to look at it 24/7.

“Hmm... how about we dance?” You shyly suggested, watching his face morph into a sincere smile. It was cheesy, you knew that, but you were hoping Taehyun would at least say yes considering it was his birthday and you wanted him to have fun instead of just looking out into the blue horizon. Not that you were complaining about that though.

“Dance?” He couldn’t help but laugh teasingly at your request, like you had spoken in a language he couldn’t understand. “I know you’re cheesy and all, but dance?! That’s way too-” he gasped when you took him by the hand and started to tug him into a round of slow dancing.

Thankfully you had already set on some light music going on earlier when you had arrived, and it played loud enough so only the two of you could hear it. The one that you heard currently- was it “Sakura Kiss” but the strings version? You recognized it as you watched Taehyun pretend to cringe when you wrapped your arms around him. 

“You’re really weird, I have no clue why I even agreed to do this in the first place.” He stepped towards the back and you were careful not to step on his feet accidentally. Although, that would be pretty funny- not that you’re admitting it!

You just giggled at his words, and he slid his hands to your waist. It felt like sparks to you, pure electricity coursing through your veins the moment he pulled you closer to him. Actually, he was debating whether or not he should start to tickle you, but it would just ruin the moment. Little did you know that he actually wanted to go along with it, guiding you through the music so that you wouldn’t be too stiff when dancing with him.

“But you’re in love with this weirdo, huh?” He wouldn’t answer this one, you were sure. He’d say something about how corny it was and how you could’ve said anything else but that. 

Instead he let one hand come away from your waist before slipping into one of yours.

“Yes, I absolutely am.”

Not only was Taehyun’s wish of being happy on that day came true, but he also got to experience really flying with you even when it wasn’t possible. 

•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩

˚⁺‧. Kai: ˚⁺‧.

“What are you up to on a late night?”

Well, that’s what you were going to ask your best friend Kai until he so rudely crashed into your house at 1am through the kitchen window despite all of your whines not to do that since he could hurt himself and even worse- break the window itself. You shouldn’t have been surprised at this point when he peeked his head through the door of your room, but how could you not be when there wasn’t any racket downstairs as a sign he was making his grand appearance? And don’t get started on how the door just randomly creaked loudly, giving you a major heart attack that a thief entered your house! 

All of your grumbling and rambling about how he should just go home and rest in his very comfy bed that you somehow accidentally slept in before wasn’t enough for him to leave and he decided to join you in your journey of rewatching Cinderella. You were pleased to have a partner who could make you laugh along the whole experience, but you weren’t sure what he was doing up so late. As it was mentioned above the time just reached 1am and once you were done with this movie, it’d probably be closer to three. Not to mention that it wasn’t safe to come out of his house during the night even if he lived a few houses away.

“Kai, what are you doing here?! Don’t you know how unsafe it is to just randomly pop in to my house at what gosh knows in the morning?” You threw one of the pillows you were laying on towards him, purposely knowing that it was his favorite whenever he came by. Obviously you weren’t going to say you cuddled it to sleep when you missed the boy who didn’t get the chances to visit you, and hopefully he wouldn’t notice how worn down it already was after a few months of use.

Kai just jumped into bed beside you, reaching out a hand to ruffle your hair. 

“Ooh, looks like someone is worried for me~ don’t worry, I brought my favorite plushy to protect me just in case,” he winked at you but you ignored it, focusing on getting the movie on the TV screen instead.

“At least tell me a good reason. I might forgive you this once but it doesn’t mean I condone your actions.” Every time you said this, you forgave him when you really shouldn’t have. It only encouraged him to come all the more, and you knew that through and through. But still! He should really know how worried you get whenever he spontaneously plans his visits to see you! 

Kai just sighed, and you could imagine the disappointed pout on his face. Stealing another glance at him, you weren’t shocked to find out he was doing the exact same thing like you expected. After all, you knew Kai for a really long time not to notice these adorable little habits about him.

“I’m just bored. And Tobin really wanted to see you this time!” He proudly showed the bunny plushy in front of you, and it made you smile a little bit before quickly wiping the effect off. 

“Okay, fine,” you groaned, beckoning him to come cuddle up against you like he always did, “you can stay as long as you like but next time if you aren’t careful, I’m saying no.”

He gladly took the offer, clearly staying in agreement to your words as he snuggled beside you to wait for the movie to finally initiate.

“Ah, thank you, Y/N! I knew I could count on you to be up this late!”

Not even ten minutes passed by since he supposedly broke in like you called it, and heavy rain started to crash down onto the roof. It was nice for moods like this and the white noise of raindrops always managed to calm you down as well, but you were worried for when Kai wanted to go home. How would he get to his house without being soaked? It’d definitely create a wet mess. Well that is... unless he wanted to- no, you shouldn’t get ideas like this, assuming he’s uncomfortable with it! 

But there really was no loss in trying, right? You braced yourself for the hard rejection you knew that was coming. 

“You know,” you bashfully offered, throwing him another fluffy pillow from across the bed so he could get more cozy, “you don’t have to walk out in the rain like that once the movie is done. It’s raining cats and dogs out there. You can always just stay... with me.” You absolutely hated how your voice shriveled up to the end, showing how embarrassed you were to even ask him in the first place. 

He caught it easily, holding it tight to his chest soon after. “You’re acting like I wasn’t going to do that. Why not spend a night with my favorite person in the whole world? Let’s have a sleepover, Y/N~!”

Didn’t he know what he was doing?! And oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, you couldn’t believe it- he actually said yes! But of course, with a few pitter-patter comments here and there. 

What were you thinking? You felt all the hot blood rush to your face and you hid it with another pillow close by. Hoping he would’t hear anything, you just muttered how embarrassed you were to yourself but boy oh boy, he caught it all and grinned in endearment at how cute you were. You wouldn’t be able to see that smile on his face anyway, unfortunately not with the pillow you hid yourself with. 

...

You had been so tangled in the story that you didn’t realize Kai was more focused on you compared to the movie. He would look up to the screen sometimes, however he couldn’t help but look back at you more than the film for some reason. It didn’t mean you didn’t check up on him from time to time to make sure he was feeling completely comfortable. You knew fully well that he was staring at you but you decided to ignore it. At first you thought he was just spacing out, but it was way too coincidental to be true. 

The scene finally got to the part where Cinderella was dancing with Prince Charming, glass slippers and all. As a kid you were always fond of this moment because one day you wanted someone in your life like that. Whoever it may be, as long as they love you for who you really are then you’d be happy to call them your significant other. And yet, every single time you would always be faced with Kai in your mind whenever you dreamed of this. 

“What are you staring at me for?”

“Oh, nothing,” he taunted with a mocking voice before taking your hand into his. Then without a warning, he tugged you up from beside him, pulling you in front of the screen. You laughed at how sudden it was, and cautioned at him a little bit. 

“Kai! Gosh, at least give me a warning before you pull me up,” you whisper-shouted, being careful enough not to create too much noise. Luckily the rain was able to replace the sound of both of you getting up from the creaky bed, serving as another distraction for your parents not to know your best friend was in the room.

As you watched him in confusion, he made no sound grabbing your hands so they’d wrap just below his neck. You asked him what he was doing quietly a few times when he simply shut you down like that, his hands naturally trailing down to your waist as if he was planning something.

When he was done with the finishing dances of preparing the both of you, he noticed you were distracted in Cinderella and the prince dancing and leaned your attention towards him again by grasping your cheek in his right hand. 

“Come on,” he shot you another charming grin that sent your heart into a mayhem, “let’s slow dance.”

You gulped instinctively, nodding your head slowly. 

“O-oh, sure...”

You couldn’t allow yourself to say no. How could you say no when your heart was screaming yes and with him so close to you than he’d ever been? You weren’t the best at slow dancing when you had to cooperate with a partner, but he made it quite easy for you. Although, it wasn’t a big surprise when he could do anything he put his mind to. Kai was simply an excellent musician- he got the hang of the beat so you just followed his lead, letting him sway gently to the sweet song. 

The moment was magnificently magical, enough so that you wanted it to last forever. Eye contact was a bit much for you- especially when you were starting to have forbidden feelings for a friend who most likely doesn’t reciprocate the same ones- but somehow, you found the strength to keep looking at him without quivering up into a nervous ball. As the song played, you memorized every detail of his face as you could, counting his eyelashes to sketching how perfect his nose was in your mind. You were so lucky to have him in your life... you really couldn’t imagine a day without knowing he was there for you.

The rest of the song finished, but you knew he didn’t want to let go just yet. No other words were spoken but with his eyes that followed yours, you were able to tell how much you meant to him. More than a friend or just a friend? You weren’t sure at all, but you knew one thing. With the way he gazed at you- and perhaps you were deluding yourself when you thought this- it was clear to see that his stare was fill of enamor and love towards you and you only. He could’ve been watching the rain fall from outside and race against the windows, yet it seemed like he never wanted to look away either.

Your heart swelled in joy with this, but... at the same time...

When were you ever going to tell him these growing feelings? When were you going to let him know before you inevitably fell in love even deeper? How were you going to do it with all these insecurities of whether he likes you back or not weighing down? There were too many questions for you to really take. In all of this thinking while beside him- you couldn’t be for sure, however you weren’t going to rush yourself because there was still an eternity to spend with him right by your side like he promised. 

•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩

Posted: 4/8/21- 2:15am 

(OKAY SO LIKE IK I WROTE 9k WORDS FOR THIS SO?? IM SO SORRY IF YOU GOT BORED 😭😭 I ACCIDENTALLY USED ALL THE BIG BRAIN WRITING FOR THIS REQUEST OMG 🧍🧍 also peep me posting this at 2am when i said i was supposed to sleep at 11pm)

Tags:

[aimmyarrowshigh]

Dark Greetings this Spooky Season Ms. V. Can we get a list of your favorite Halloween movies and specials? I know you have seen *everything* and I am trying to go beyond my usual rewatches this holiday month.

V. AIMMYARROWSHIGH’S CRITERIA FOR HALLOWEEN EPISODES

Does the Halloween element combine convincingly with the usual universe of the show (ex: Lizzie McGuire 2x09 “Those Freaky McGuires” is not good as a Halloween episode because it changes the rules of the Lizzie McGuire universe, whereas Community 2x06 “Epidemiology” is a GREAT Halloween episode because it manages to logically introduce zombies to the regular Community universe)?

Does the Halloween element advance the plot of the episode/series (ex: the reason Boy Meets World 5x17 “And Then There Was Shawn” is literally the best Halloween episode ever made is that it uses the horror movie tropes it satirizes to provide a CRUCIAL turning-point to the plot of the show)?

Is the Halloween episode in the forefront enough that it’s clearly a holiday episode (ex: HAVING ONE JACK-O’LANTERN ON A DESK DOES NOT A HALLOWEEN SPECIAL MAKE, LAW & ORDER 16x03 “GHOSTS”! You gotta go ALL-IN, like Bob’s Burgers 3x02 “Full Bars”!)?

Does the Halloween theme balance well between spooky and warm-n-fuzzy (ex: Criminal Minds 11x21 “Mr. Scratch” is too fucking bleak, but Criminal Minds 12x06 “Elliott’s Pond” has a joyous/celebratory tone to the ending despite being a genuinely scary episode)?

Is it generally a well-written, acted, and designed episode of television (ex: Saved by the Bell! 3x26 “Mystery Weekend” is seriously, not exaggerating, the worst thing I’ve ever watched in my life; Psych 1x15 “Scary Sherry, Or Bianca’s Toast” is a triumph of the medium)?

THE BEST, bar none, Halloween special ever made is Boy Meets World 5x17, “And Then There Was Shawn.” Period. There can be no argument, except MAYBE Community 3x06, “Epidemiology,” but I like “And Then There Was Shawn” better because the parody and homage as less… biting? And because I think it continues and addresses the emotional core of the regular BMW season better than “Epidemiology” does for Community s3. “Epi” DOES plant the seed (…heh) for the Season 3B major plot arc of Shirley’s pregnancy and Chang Deciding To Murder, but it gets some major minus points for mocking Yvette Nicole Brown’s weight with other characters’ responses to her costume, tbh. And “And Then There Was Shawn” is just fucking iconic. It is THE Halloween episode manual, IMO, if there were to be a textbook on how to write a perfect Halloween episode for your sitcom.

HOWEVER, I also have to give major props to Bob’s Burgers and Psych, as complete series, for their CONSISTENTLY excellent Halloween episodes. A lot of series that have multiple Halloween eps really phone it in after one or two, because they don’t have any more ideas for how to incorporate Halloween pastiches while maintaining the overall feeling of the series (tbh B99, while the Halloween Heists are excellent in general, is/has been coming very close to this line, and I think that if they HADN’T had to switch out the Heist to Cinco de Mayo in s6, they would have jumped their Heist Shark [and I think they know it, too, because it was lampshaded in the episode itself]) or they just straight-up don’t have any more ideas for what or how to have the characters they’re bound to parody or pay homage to a Halloween thing after they’ve already done one or two. And let’s be real: those one or two have probably been either The Shining or Rear Window, because those are pretty much the two that every show starts with.

Bob’s manages to make every Halloween episode feel very fresh and organic to the series, which I think they do have some leeway to do because of the nature of cartoons keeping the Belchers living a kind of loop of never aging, yk, but amazingly they’ve only done the “Tina feels too old to trick or treat, maybe? Nope, she’s not 14 yet, so there’s still time!” thing in a way that felt tropey once (in 3x02 Full Bars). They’ve been able to address Tina being 13/in 8th grade, and worrying about it being almost too late for her to keep trick or treating, in ways that were in-character and added to the overall episode in 4x02 Fort Night, 5x02 Tina and the Real Ghost, and 9x04 Nightmare on Ocean Avenue Street, without me rolling my eyes at the screen and going “TINA, EVERY SINGLE SHOW WITH A TWEEN IN IT HAS ALREADY DECIDED THAT THE AGE AT WHICH YOU MUST STOP TRICK OR TREATING IS FRESHMAN YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL, COME ON NOW” which… at this point, is a Feat. Because like, I’ve POSTED over a thousand Halloween episodes, right? But I’ve watched and screencapped ::checks folder:: 3,905 Halloween episodes since 2014. Which is, um, a. lot. The ACTUAL BEST Bob’s Burgers Halloween episode is 6x03, “The Hauntening,” which is just… achingly perfect television. I know I’ve posted about it before (probably a couple times tbh) but the way that it aired originally back-to-back with The Simpsons 27x04, “Halloween of Horror,” so that the evening of Sunday cartoons juxtaposed eight-year-old Louise whose family worked so hard to scare her like she wanted with nine-year-old Lisa’s family working so hard to keep her from being too scared and make sure that she felt safe… reader, I FUCKIN CRIED. Little girls being deeply loved while also Spoopy Things!!!!!! IS WHAT HALLOWEEN SPECIALS ARE!!! FUCKIN!!!!!! ABOUT!!!!!!!

Psych, though, has the benefit of not really having any, like… central tone to the series? Beyond “friendship” and “having fun with joking,” tbh? So it’s able to do what a lot of series get docked “points” for in my Foolproof Halloween Special Ratings System That Is Completely Subjective To My Tastes And Mood, which is really just run full-tilt into parody and homage without really worrying about overall tonal connection to the rest of the season or series. 1x15, “Scary Sherry, or, Bianca’s Toast,” while it DOES fall victim to the way-too-common Halloween episode trap of making mental hospitals into a Scary Thing (they are a medical normality and a necessary thing for health for many people and should not be feared), is delightful Spooky Fun AND has the benefit of having Shannon Woodward in it.* We all know by now that if an episode of any show has Shannon Woodward as the guest star, it will by default end up being one of the best, if not THE best, episodes of that series. It’s just how having Shannon Woodward as your guest star rolls. I also really like, with Psych’s Halloween episodes, that quite a few of them understand the underlying thematic scope of Horror, which is “The Monstrous Feminine Is A Thing And All Horror Tropes Are Actually About Women’s Interior Lives Because Men Can’t Write Women And Fear Women Always,” yk, in a way that is neither TOO Actual Horror, which I am too afraid of to Do, or too trite and demeaning, which is the other basic trap that Halloween stuff falls into A Lot. Like, Scary Sherry is very much about women villainizing other women, avenging other women, and being in very specifically-female pain, even though Shawn & Gus are still the lens through which we solve the mystery, and so are 4x04 The Devil Is In The Details And The Upstairs Bedroom and 6x03 This Episode Sucks. But they give their Monstrous Females dignity and breadth, which is impressive, ESPECIALLY since they’re one-off guest characters. Also, 3x15 Tuesday the 17th is just plain funny and well-done, like, just give it props for the title alone.

*(Speaking of Shannon Woodward, another amazingly good Halloween episode is Raising Hope 4x07, “Murder, She Hoped,” which is among my very favorite Rear Window homage episodes and has probably the funniest gag in ANY Rear Window ep, in Martha Plimpton floating across the screen in the Grace Kelly silk nightgown and peignoir and announcing that it was on sale at Walmart, can you believe?! and honestly, yes. Perfection.)

Also excellent:

• The Addams Family (1991) + Addams Family Values (1993) • Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School (RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU WERE GAY FOR SIBELLA AS A CHILD!) • Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost (RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU'RE GAY BECAUSE THE HEX GIRLS!) • Halloweentown + Halloweentown II: Kalabar's Revenge • Mom's Got a Date with a Vampire! • Z•O•M•B•I•E•S (to a lesser extent, Z•O•M•B•I•E•S 2) • Clue (1985) • Coraline • Corpse Bride • 6teen 2x00 Dude of the Dead • Arthur 21x00 Arthur and the Haunted Treehouse • Lamb-Chop in the Haunted Studio • Arthur 8x04A Fern-kenstein's Monster • Arthur 10x02 The Squirrels • WandaVision 1x06 The All-New Halloween Spooktacular (I KNOW YOU, SPECIFICALLY, DEAR @plavoptice, HATE MCU!WANDA AND I DON'T BLAME YOU, YOUR REASONS ARE VERY VALID! But this is a good Halloween special so I'm putting it on my list In General.) • Boy Meets World 2x06 Who's Afraid of Cory Wolf? • Ghostbusters (2016) • Gravity Falls 1x12 Summerween • Leverage 4x02 Ten L'il Grifters Job • The Loud House 2x40 Tricked! • Mockingbird Lane 1x00 Unaired Pilot • It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown! (Classic, etc.)

I'm SURE I'm forgetting some that I'll rewatch this year myself. I'm a big Halloween Baking Championship fan, tbh, which is on Discovery+ now so I recommend that if you like mostly-relaxing nice people baking cakes that look like bats and such.

I'm also IMMENSELY INTENSELY EXCITED for The Muppets' Haunted Mansion on Disney+ next week!!!

[katsukikitten]

Part 2! Here is Part 1 f you have yet to read it! I hope you enjoy my little Walmart brand of summer wars as much as I am writing it! Let me know what you think!

×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×

The two of you leave with a small bow before your grandmother answers the phone. 

The second you are out of the room Bakugou grabs you roughly by the wrist, pulling you down into the small dimly lit hallway to press you against the dark wooden wall, caging you in much like he did on the train. 

But this time with malintent. Small pops ring out from his forearms, one hand threatening to char the wood beside your head while the other grips your wrist harder. 

You could understand his anger, it's not as if you had been truthful to Bakugou. He detests liars and although you didn't necessarily lie to him you still told him a half truth. He was still figuring out which was worse. 

"Fucking fiance?!" He snarls close to your face, "Deal's off." 

You had planned to allow him to bitch and moan about the shitty situation you put him in without argument. 

But his refusal to act semi decent towards you for the sake of your grandmother's old heart had rage burning hot in your veins. 

It wasn't like you were asking him to fuck you. With a tick in your jaw you drop your precious Kimono. Grabbing onto his chin with your free hand, tilting his face closer to yours to have a better look at those stunning crimson eyes. They widen from both the force of your grip and the proximity of your lips. He swallows thickly, his glare slowly coming back. 

"Listen here Bakugou Katsuki. I'm asking you to pretend to be my fiance for two weeks. I'm asking for small shit like sitting close to me, maybe giving a small smile in my direction and at the most hand holding. I'm not asking you to fucking marry me or fuck me in front of my family. My grandmother is a bit old fashioned if you couldn't tell by the house or her demeanor, she has been hounding me about bringing a man to her for approval since I was 16. She wanted to make sure I had a man that deserved me, that I would be taken care of. So I've made up boyfriend after boyfriend since I've never really had time for more than a good fuck but my Uncle called me last winter to tell me her health was beginning to decline and rapidly at that. I called her immediately and told her I had just become engaged and she'd meet him on her birthday. So you've got two choices Katsuki." You let every syllable of his name soak in sugar coated venom, "Suck it up for two fucking weeks and be semi decent to me or break my grandmother's heart and earn a dangerous enemy." 

Bakugou's heart pounded in his chest the entire time you were ranting, unsure of why he was attracted to the hard set of your eyes and the ice in your voice. His stomach flips when you say his first name causing him to grind his teeth. He breaks away from your grip with his free hand, quickly pinning your arms above your head. Locking your delicate yet deadly wrists in one of his broad hands while the other presses against your hip bone. Thumb sliding through the loop of your too short shorts, bringing your pelvis to his.  The denim was barely able to contain your ass and thick thighs, he is surprised none of your elders have scolded you for such indecency if they were as old fashioned as you say. 

The faint blush on your cheeks and the defiant look in your eyes has his voice turn husky as he speaks.

"I should make you regret bringing me here. Maybe have you begging for something else." His lips a breath away as he presses his forehead to yours. Eyes molten with what you think is lust before he tilts his face. Amplifying the sudden magnetism between your plump lips and his own. Your chest tightens with mixed emotions as your eyes begin to flutter closed.

Suddenly he changes direction and gives you a harsh headbutt, hard enough your vision blurs at the edges causing you to growl in response. 

"This better not fucking bruise." 

He rolls his eyes, dropping your hands as he reaches down for the old Kimino. His heart racing from almost losing control of these odd feelings. 

Feelings that had never been aimed towards you until your grandmother stirred them up. 

"Would you die for my granddaughter?" 

The question drives him mad, mad enough that he places the kimono in your hands speaking the dark thought that he should have fucking kept to himself.

"Did you actually drag me along for your grandmother's sake or did you just want the kimono, Princess?" His voice is all bite, holding your gaze, your eyes widening. 

"Don't call me that." Your voice threatens to crack but he walks away before he can see the rest of your reaction to wander the house for his room until dinner. 

You're left standing there, eyes glued to the fabric, the deep navy blue and hand stitched cranes and lotus blur in your hands. Before fat droplets fall from your eyes. 

Why did you ever think Bakugou Katsuki would be a good partner, fake or not. 

You collect yourself quickly, angrily swiping at your eyes before you set to find your normal room. 

It doesn't take you long and you're honestly hoping Bakugou stays lost until dinner. His room should be on the opposite wing of the house. Opening the old tatami door to find Mei setting down your stuff and Bakugou's bag.  Mei follows your eyes to the well worn backpack with a skull pin on the strap. She knew exactly who it belonged to when she picked it up, having spotted the handsome devil from the hall. 

"Mei what's this you know he's supposed to be in the western wing!" You exclaim, trudging past her to hang your kimono on the old rack in the corner of the room. Mei scoffs, eyes glued to her phone as she speaks. 

"He was bound to sneak this way anyway. I'm doing you a favor." She rolls her eyes as if she knows everything at the ripe age of sixteen. 

You thought you knew everything then too. You sigh, rolling your own eyes. 

"What you call a favor I call a headache. Just take his bag to his room." You pass the straps to her, hating that it smells so much like him. Your stomach flips even as you look at the two person futon. 

"Just sleep with him tonight no one will know! Plus I hadn't cleaned his room. It's full of spider webs, the floor needs patching and his futon is gonna be dusty." She counters. 

"B..but one futon is not modest." 

"Wow please tell me you're not a virgin jushi. You're gonna get married anyway! I know I wouldn't have said no to a catch like that either!" 

Mei makes her way out of your room while you pinch the bridge or your nose. 

"Yea…. Why would I ever say no to such a great catch?" You fall backwards onto the futon hoping that that asshole was still lost for now. 

Someone would find him wandering and take him to the great dining room. 

×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×

Thankfully someone does end up showing Bakugou to the dining room but of course it would be Mei who also tells him where the SHARED room is. You bite your lip and choose to play dumb.  

"Oh good you found your way, babe." You smile sinking next to him on one of the many blue cushions. He grunts in response but pulls your cushion closer to his. Carefully pouring you some water before he yanks down your tank top that was riding up and trying to expose your midriff. His fingers feel like fire as they brush against your skin, igniting a dying ember in your stomach.

You quickly remind yourself of his nasty comment, as you're about to set him straight your cousin Haru walks into the room.  He sucks his teeth and sits further down the table across from his sister Mei as people slowly come in to sit or bring in food. 

"I don't know why you bothered to bring him here. Sobo is never going to approve of him." He cracks open his beer and drinks prematurely earning an eye roll from his sister. Bakugou and yourself both open your mouth to retort when Mei pipes up. Eyes still glued to her phone as her thumbs fly across the illuminated glass. 

"She already did stupid. She gave her the crane Kimono so get used to seeing his face." Mei rolls her eyes as your cheeks blush. 

Bakugou regrets his comment now more than ever but sucks his own teeth. An older gentleman sits to Bakugou's left commenting on the conversation as he does. 

"Wow the crane kimono! You know she's been holding onto that for quite some time. You must be very special. I'm Sozen, your lovely fiance's Uncle." He smiles, just as you're about pinch the blonde to make sure he answers he gives a small bow of his head. 

"Bakugou Katsuki." He introduces himself as aunt Mai rushes into the room.

"Wait, wait! I want to meet him!" She sinks next to your right, all smiles as her eyes are fixated on the young man, "Wow he is as handsome as you said on the phone last night." 

Fresh blush creeps onto your cheeks, remembering the phone conversation from when you were too nervous to sleep last night. Bakugou catches on and smirks in response. Everyone but Sobo takes their seats and you decide now is a good time as ever to get the formalities over with. 

"Let's just get through the introductions shall we?" You say as you run through the names of each family member on both sides of the three low tables shoved together. Introducing the hot head to well over 12 adults and their children and even children's children. For now Bakugou only makes an effort to remember the ones closest to him. 

Uncle Sozen who sits to his left and Aunt Mai who sits to your right. It's becoming quickly apparent that a lot of your family is either much older or much younger than yourself. He can understand why you could feel a little lonely at times. Being more of a black sheep than anything. Then he realises something very important.

"Wait, where are your parents?" He asks lowly to which you shrug. 

"They show up closer to grandma's birthday. They are both extremely busy and always have been. Soba more or less raised me." 

As if one cue grandmother comes in, looking over the table with the biggest and warmest smile she can muster. It reminds him of the summer sun lazily dancing across his skin in the late afternoon. 

And again it reminds him of you. He looks to you and sees you mirroring the exact same smile, happy for your grandmother's happiness causing his chest to tighten and butterflies to awaken in his stomach. He grinds his teeth in an attempt to calm them down. 

She sits at the head of the table, closest to Great Oba who he had the pleasure of meeting first thing, before grandmother holds up her small cup of sake. 

"To family." She announces, everyone lifts what cup they have, whether it was a kids small sippy cup, their o-choko, or even their cup of tea. 

"To family!" They roar back to her all taking a sip. 

"Let's eat." She says while the family cries out, "Itadakimasu!" 

The tables are loud and full of conversation. Although Katuski's family is not so big, the volume reminds him of his own family. A small smirk comes to his lips as he thinks of his mother and how she would fit in here. 

"So no Shoji?" Haru asks with a sneer, almost purposefully stirring the pot. 

"No surprise there." Someone else comments. 

"Shut. Up. Haru." You bite out, look fierce as if you were to devour him whole. He swallows thickly. 

"Great uncle Kodaka tell us about that battle we won here!" You change the subject and everyone groans as Kodaka starts the story they've heard thousands of times before.

"It was almost 150 years ago, when we were still a prosperous nation. Us samarai doing fine on our own. Hired by the wealthy or living by our own moral compass. It was like fish in a barrel…" 

The story continues on, mostly the children listen and your grandmother who smiles as she hears her youngest speak.

Sozen leans closer to Bakugou, as grey eyes hold onto scarlet. Bakugou remains quiet, glancing to you and then back to the uncle. Uncle Sozen takes this as an invitation to speak. 

"I guess since you're gonna be part of the family now I should tell you about Shoji. There was a time shortly before Grandpa died that he went down a dark path, gambling away majority of the family fortune and just when grams thought she had him under control then came Shoji.He was Grandpa's illegitimate child with a woman much younger than Sobo. But she loved Shoji fiercely anyway. She would take him through the field of wildflowers to the lake in the early mornings of summer. One hot day when he was small and the sun was rising, painting the sky in hues of red there was a crane. Our family's crest." Uncle Sozen points to the wooden crest above the door to the adjacent room that held the family's artifacts. A crane stands tall with a white lotus behind it in full bloom.

"It was the first time in decades that a crane had come to the lake and the lotus were in full bloom. He flew away, causing a gentle ripple in the lake and it was then Sobo knew that Shoji would bring fortune to our family." Sozen peeks your way to make sure you're not over hearing, he continues explaining softly as your loud laugh bellows out, "Everyone is so angry with him because he took the last of grandmother's savings and then ran away to America with no way to be contacted." 

"She is quick to defend him because she was too young to really remember how much it upset Sobo. That and she believed in him wholeheartedly. She looked up to him because despite his quirklessness he was exceptionally intelligent. She had faith that he would restore honor and fortune to our name." Sozen's chopsticks point to you as he speaks before he picks up a dumpling. Bakugou's eyes follow over you. 

"Hello Sobo." A deep voice calls from the engawa reducing the lively roar of dinner conversation to nothing more than the sad song of a lonely cricket.

"Uncle Shoji?!" You call excited, standing from your spot at the long table while the rest of the room holds animosity. 

Bakugou downs his sake to which Uncle Sozen silently refills. 

"I thought you were still abroad in the states!" You sink next to him and pull him into a crushing hug. He smiles, slowly separating the two of you. 

"What the hell do you want trash?!" Uncle Kodaka snarls, to which you produce a deadly glare his way.  

"Well yes I was in the states, thank you for asking Princess." He tucks a stay hair behind your ear before rising to speak with grandmother.

He does not address her properly nor does he bow. If anything he stands loosely with an arrogance about him that leaves majority of the room with a sour taste in their mouth. Bakugou watches Great Oba's chopsticks strain in her delicate hand, the distaste for him is becoming more and more obvious by the second.

And then he opens his mouth. 

"I made tenfold out of what you let me borrow, Soba." He pulls a stack of money and a check from his pocket as he speaks, "I made a drug to make people powerless and sold it to the highest bidder." 

Eyes around the room widen as news headlines flash in their heads about a new drug that made people quirkless. Villains shooting innocent bystanders and heroes in hopes of getting a leg up. 

Shoji tosses the money and the check onto grandmother's lap. Dark brown eyes stare into her lap for a long moment. 

Suddenly grandmother moves like an agile cat, jumping to her feet and grabbing for one of the divine naginata. She wields it masterfully before shoving the point towards him, fire burning in her eyes. 

"Mother!" Half the table shouts, as you begin to see red. You stand stepping next to Shoji, body shaking with rage as your heart drums in your ears. 

"I knew my Princess would save me." He says coyly to hide just how shaken he is, sweat dripping down his brow. Even ten years your senior he couldn't hide his fear of the fierce woman before him, shocked that a woman in her nineties could still brandish such a big and heavy weapon. 

Your hands land harshly on Shoji's chest as you give him a shove. Shocking the table into further silence. 

"YOU MADE THAT?!" Your voice echoes over the dining room, into the empty halls and out into the night but somehow the hurt in it does not reach Shoji. 

"Of course, it was going to be a hot seller. Governments offered me billions. Besides I made an anti...." But before he can finish you've got him by the collar. 

"HOW CAN YOU BE SO INTELLIGENT YET SO DAFT?!" Bakugou watches your knuckles turn white while your cheeks flush deep red. Shoji barely frees himself, his shirt crumpled but you press on. 

"Those were my friends!" A stomp of your foot has the dishes rattling on the table, Bakugou becomes more on edge, "You hurt my fucking friends!" 

You raise both of your fists above your head, ready to bring them down with all of your might. Too angry to control your gauge of power uncaring of the consequences. Katuski acts quickly, flicking his wrist to empty the shallow cup of sake high into the air. Igniting it into beautiful dancing fireworks, the kids oo and ah while he hopes to distract you if only for a moment. 

It works, slightly. You realize his plan as he jumps to his feet, running along the low tables as you try to beat him to the punch. 

Literally.

Bakugou barely makes it, shoving Shoji into the table, food and dishes fly into the air just to stain the freshly mopped wooden floors. The hot head holds out his other arm to take the brunt of your force. He let's off the smallest explosion to soften your blow but a small crack still rings out. 

Heated eyes watch as a black bruise blooms from the crease of his elbow to all the way to his wrist as the shock shakes the house behind him. Paintings and pictures fall from the walls in the wake of your force.

"Are you trying to bring down the house dumbass?!" He yells before his voice dips low, soft almost, "What if the roof had caved and Soba-san got hurt?" 

Your eyes widen at his words before they are locked with glistening scarlet pools. You look over Bakugou's toned arm, marred in angry shades of purplish black. Eyes darting over the family and the mess that lies beside you. Finally they fall on your grandmother behind your shoulder. Her own aged shoulders heave from the adrenaline, her graying white hair out of place with her lotus pin threatening to fall out. You spy Shoji, your once hero still squishing food beneath his torso and elbows, eyes filled with fear.

"Fuck this." You mutter storming off, leaving Bakugou to stand alone before your family. Shoji stands, rushing out of the house, moments later everyone can hear a car peeling down the gravel drive losing traction once or twice. 

After a few moments of silence grandmother fixes her hair and returns the naginata as she speaks. 

"This family cleans up their own messes. Now get to work!" 

And with that your family and Bakugou begin to pick up the shattered pieces of dishes, pride and family matters.

[rwhague]

Writing Characters with Anxiety

Writing anxiety in characters can be a challenge, especially for people who have never experienced a panic attack. I speak about this from experience--you can read my previous post for more information regarding this. Suffice it to say that I had a perception of what anxiety was and what panic attacks would look like--then I experienced one. 

Before I dive into this, I am going to explain a little bit about what anxiety/panic attacks are. Basically, the fight or flight system is triggered at an inappropriate time. The body is flooded with adrenaline as if a bear was attacking. It can make you feel like you’re going to die unless you do X. But X doesn’t exist. There is no threat, so there is no solution. Instead you’re overwhelmed with these hormones that do nothing but make you shake  and steal your breath, with no outlet. 

In fiction, we generally write about panic attacks in relation to characters who are experiencing a trauma or have experience trauma previously (PTSD). In cases of PTSD, there might be a smell, a sight, or a sound that triggers the flight or fight response. This is the body’s way of protecting itself from receiving another trauma. So a veteran might hear a car backfire in the parking lot of Walmart and hit the deck. 

One of the misconceptions that I had regarding anxiety/panic attacks was that they always had a trigger. If the trigger could be avoided, then the anxiety could be possibly resolved. This is not true always true--or the trigger is so subconscious that it does not register to the person experiencing it. Anxiety can wake you from a dead sleep with sweats, heart palpitations, nausea, and a tightness around your neck. 

Another misconception was that panic attacks are obvious. I assumed that if someone experienced a panic attack, the person would immediately know what was taking place. This is not true. In fact, people experiencing panic attacks often end up in the ER thinking they are experiencing a heart attack. 

Now let’s talk about perception of anxiety/panic attacks. 

Thankfully, the culture is starting to talk more about psychological conditions such as anxiety and depression, but there can still be a stigma related to these illnesses. So when you’re writing about anxiety, consider how your character feels about these things. Do they fear the anxiety and allow it to consume them? Do they know what’s causing it? Do they feel like a failure because their anxiety gets in the way of their life? (This one was a big personal feeling of mine. I am a stay-at-home mom and couldn’t take care of my son during the worst of my anxiety crisis. This had a huge impact on my self-perception). Or are they coping/trying to manage their symptoms through meditation, walks, breathing exercises, etc. Having a character go through the stages of acceptance with an anxiety disorder can be a good story arch. 

So what does a panic attack look like? I’m going to describe one of my typical panic attacks. Keep in mind that not all panic attacks are the same for everyone, but this will hopefully be a good starting point for you in your writing: 

Generally, it starts in the back of my mind, a little nagging feeling. Sometimes it’s proceeded by a headache (but mine are hormonally related rather than trauma based, so that might just be me). Then I get a tightness in my chest right below my throat. This stays throughout the panic attack and generally lingers for some time after. I get very restless--especially my hands. I start flexing my fingers, rubbing my arms repeatedly. Then I start clenching my teeth. Generally after this, I start pacing then try self soothing motions (hugging myself, rubbing my arms). Nausea generally sets in at this point. If it’s bad enough, I will throw up. There’s a third element to fight/flight and that is freeze. That’s what I do. I don’t want to go anywhere/do anything. I sit in my chair or on the floor rocking back and forth running my hands through my hair. I sometimes claw at the arm rests or carpet. I want to scream. 

So what’s going on in my head at that time? Well, my higher functions are turned off. More or less it’s a constant scream of ‘make it stop! make it stop!’ or ‘I can’t do this. I’m going to die. This is going to go on forever.’ It alternates between that and the TV show I watched last night. Seriously, sometimes it’s like my thoughts are completely separate from what’s going on in my body. 

Generally, panic attacks last 30 minutes, but not mine. Once again, mine are hormonally related, so that’s where the abnormality occurs. (I have low progesterone.) 

Thankfully, there are things you can do to keep panic attacks from getting that bad. A twenty minute walk kills mine. I no longer sit and rock--but the strange thing is my body rebels against this logic. When I first start walking, my nausea gets worse and I have to go to the bathroom. It’s like a part of my brain is telling me to do the opposite of what will help. It’s obnoxious. Deep breathing exercises work for some people, meditation, CBD, etc. The best thing is to remind yourself what is happening and to tell yourself that it’s just temporary and will go away eventually. 

Anyways, that’s my experience with panic attacks. I have greatly incorporated my personal experiences with my writing. I hope that my story helps you better understand anxiety so that you can write it more effectively. If you have any questions or would like to share you’re own experiences, please comment below.