#I’m making a lot less than I was at walmart but I’m still making enough to survive on easily | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jodilin65 · 21 years ago

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SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 30, 2003 On this last day of November, I sit and think about how I am not looking forward to December. It could very well be a pretty shitty month. Why is something doing this to us? Just what is it that wants us out of here so badly, and is it something that’s against us being here, or against anyone being here? Well, if it’s a restless spirit of some kind that may’ve died here many years ago, then the next people will get shit, too. As for our breakage curse (now the fuser on my laser printer’s acting up); that follows us wherever we go, so even if we get out of here before the well breaks again there’ll only be trouble with the next one.

There goes the renters to haul water. Their place looks shitty as usual, but their dog’s been quieter at night. That’s because it’s so cold, so the poor thing’s probably using up all its energy shivering in the cold and has none left over for barking. As soon as the sun comes up it starts up, though. It does its thing when it sets, too.

Anyway, I’ve been a little bummed and anxious with all this uncertainty going on. Tom said not to worry about us ending up homeless and that if worse came to worse, we could get an acre right here in Maricopa and put a piece of shit on it, but I’d hate to have to do that. No, it wouldn’t be Brattleboro, Valleyhead, Estrella Jail, a house in the city or an apartment, but it’d be plenty noisy enough. In a place as open as this where everyone’s dogs are kept outdoors 24/7, the barking would be pretty obnoxious. If we can’t get more land, I really don’t want to have to get any less than what we’ve already got, but as Tom pointed out, if we do, it’d be easier to fence. Maybe even put up a block wall if it’s going to be just an acre.

A part of me is wondering if another reason we may end up being forced out of here is to prevent us from making a lot of money off this place in the future. If that’s the case, then we’re wasting our time trying to make money with websites.

So many questions, never any answers! See, I knew God would replace my old freeloader problems with new ones, but I’d certainly rather this over the array of past problems I’ve had.

Here goes the renters again. I swear we’ve had more traffic on Ralston in just the first year they lived here than in all the time we were here before they arrived. Last night alone, as I was drifting off to sleep, I heard them go by 6 different times. They all might not have been coming/going from their place, but I’m sure most of them were. I’m sure it’ll be like this when we move too, and that we’ll be next to rentals with virtual junkyards and tons of people and dogs that are home constantly.

Anyway, Tom checked for me and Walmart sells 25-packs of incense for just 84¢ while they’re $1.75 for a 20-pack at Incense Galore. I’m still going to buy from Incense Galore, though, as they have a huge variety. Walmart incense will be good for in-between orders.

I haven’t worked on my current story, A New Life, a New Love in several days. There’s no hurry. I’ll get to it when I get to it.

I have one thing to look forward to in the midst of all this shit and that’s that tomorrow we’re going to the bookstore. I just hope it exists! We’ll call them first to make sure they haven’t moved so we don’t end up going out for nothing like we did the last time, though we wanted to get pets that day, too. I also hope we can sell some of the stuff we want to sell, too.

Lastly, I hope to get a letter from Mary. That’d cheer me up and take one more worry off my shoulders. I mean, it’s not like her to not respond about my last book, the photo contest and all that’s been going on with us.

There’s now just one mouse left.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 29, 2003 Well, I’ll be damned. Netflip actually credited me the rest of the money owed to me which is a total of $23.90. The next step is to get them to send the damn check.

After this year, I don’t think I’ll bother printing out journals anymore. I figure there’s no need to waste paper and ink when I have them on two hard drives, one floppy disk and one CD. It’s not like Tom and I are ever going to “break up” where I’ll need to print copies to take with me.

I skipped my walk yesterday, but am down a pound because I watched my cals yesterday. I had roughly around 1400 and so now I’m 127. The problem is that this is as low as I seem to be able to get, so I won’t count on dropping any more. I can’t even remember the last time I was 125. I know it was over a year ago because it was last New Year’s when I discovered I could no longer lose weight but a few measly pounds. I can pull myself down to 127 from 130, but not to the 100-110 I used to be able to pull myself down to.

I hope I finally hear something from Mary today if Tom stops at the PO, but either way, I should mail her Christmas card off on Monday. That way, if there’s any delay with the increase in mail volume, it will still get to her on time. With Christmas being her favorite holiday, she’s bound to love it.

I don’t know why New Year’s Eve was always my favorite holiday. We never got presents at that time. Perhaps it’s because most of my life was so shitty that each new year presented a ray of hope if only a teeny weenie bit and even if it was usually false hope in the end. Also, it was the only real time I felt “free.” Free from Dureen’s wrath and control. Being able to stay up so late was quite a big thrill, too.

I’m especially looking forward to this new year despite the fact that it’ll be filled with lots of uncertainty. This will be our first year without the welfare bums being a part of our lives since 1996.

Later…

I just walked a mile in 20 minutes and Tom’s out doing one of God’s favorite things he stuck in his cards for him to do – fixing the truck.

What a strenuous workout I had, yet it makes me feel good! It’s easily the equivalent of Mary running up and down the stairs like she says she does. I don’t think you can find a much harder workout than this. I can only manage a few quick scattered spurts of jogging. For the most part, though, I can’t go much faster than 4 MPH on this thing. One really needs to already be in good shape in order to handle this thing.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 28, 2003 The renters, who add more and more junk and vehicles to their yard “décor” each month, are back to trashing us again. I see at least a few clumps of their shit towards the back of our land, but it’s okay. We’ll be moving in late February, from what my vibes and logic tell me (to northern Arizona or Nevada). If I’m wrong and we stay, we’ll just fence up and make it harder for their shit to blow over here.

I got a really cool paper sample in the mail today. It’s this super high-gloss paper that makes the pictures you print out look like actual photographs.

I decided to send Paula tons of samples, too. I know she’ll dig them.

I had a bad truck vibe the other day, and sure enough, the water pump blew, so now he’s got to replace it, using the one from the green truck. I’m just so glad we’ve got two vehicles so that when one craps out on us like it does every other day, we can at least use the other one. Anyway, the breakage curse just never ends. It never fucking ends. I don’t know how we’re going to get the time to try to get ahead in life when all we do is get set back over and over and over again.

We talked about it, and we both agree that since we have no respect for our so-called “fellow” human beings what with the way there are so many sick, evil people out there, to take advantage of their stupidity and vulnerability. They’ve taken from us and fucked us over, so why not return the favor? Maybe that’s why God never punishes our perps. Maybe he’s just waiting for us to give them a taste of their own medicine on our own, and so we’re thinking of running some sort of online scam. There are a variety of things we can do that are considered wrong by most, but still legal. I won’t write much more about it till we come up with a more concrete idea, but one idea is to be an online psychic. I’m the real thing, unlike most of the quacks out there, but when I don’t get any vibes, I’ll have to make them up. There’s also the possibility of the popular “get rich” thing where you spend money to work instead of making money from working. There are a lot of desperados out there who believe they can turn the tables eventually and make some of the money they’ve been spending, but meanwhile, they’ll pay to work.

Tom finished my third book and agreed that it’s the best one so far and that I’m getting more and more professional with my writing.

Still nothing from Mary. I’m surprised, too. I mean, I know she’s had her spells where she didn’t write for a week or two, but she’s usually pretty good with feeling what I feel and quickly responding to it when something good or bad comes up. In other words, I thought she’d have been psyched right along with me about the photo contest and quick to say so, as well as eager to send words of encouragement over the well crisis and hard time we’re having. Certainly, my book didn’t scare her to death which I haven’t even heard about yet. Nah, she’s tougher than that. I guess she’s just broke herself and isn’t able to write because if something were wrong, I’d think her aunt would’ve notified me.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 27, 2003 Last night’s wake-up call was a round of sonic booms. That’s twice in less than a week that I’ve been woken up in rural Maricopa! I’m so sick of being punished with this house. The question is, though, am I really being punished for living in a luxurious house, by an evil spirit that lurks here, or for leaving the city? Well, I started getting slight moving vibes last night (to northern AZ?), so maybe I’ll find that out soon enough. Unless Tom finds a job that pays tremendously well right off the bat, we’re definitely out of here. I look forward to change. Especially if the changes are good ones or at least going to lead to good ones, but I have my fears about it, too. Will we get stuck in the city during the transition? Will there be more sonic booms where we move to? Will other bad things happen if we move? The unknown can be both frustrating and scary at times. I just wish I had somewhat of a sense of what’s going on! Meanwhile, I’m going to try to stay on days if they’re going to return to flying every day.

Yesterday, in 3 or 4 spurts, I walked 2 miles in 40 minutes. I’m walking further in less time now that I’m getting used to this thing, but because it’s so damn strenuous, I can’t really go faster than a 3- or 4-MPH pace.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2003 Now I’m in the 2000s on Memolink.

My last letter to Mary was returned saying that the word puzzle I sent wasn’t allowed and I’m like fuck this shit with things being sometimes allowed and sometimes not allowed! It doesn’t seem to be a matter of what is/isn’t allowed so much as it seems to be a case of whether or not the receiving officer wishes to okay it. It all depends on the officer. From now on, I’m not sending anything other than letters, journals and drafts. I’m not even sending graphics because, for all I know, the pictures of dolls that were always acceptable may suddenly not be acceptable should they be received by an officer high on control.

Anyway, I still haven’t heard from her, so I don’t know what’s going on. If there’s anything new going on with the case, I don’t know. I never bother to check because I figure she’ll tell me about it herself when something comes up.

I got a letter from Paula yesterday which was nice. I even spoke to her because I wanted to know if the incense stick I sent made it to her in one piece, but she hasn’t been to her box. She has a cold, she says. I told her I’d concentrate on putting a spell on her to make it better and that I’d call back to find out if it worked.

She still wants me to make her CDs of people like Ashanti, Nsync, R. Kelly, Madonna, Mariah Carey, TLC and stuff like that, but like I told her, my burner’s broken and we’re broke, too. I’m also sick of giving to those who won’t give to me. The least she can do, for example, is send me the money to ship her the incense I don’t want when it comes time, though as I told her, she may as well wait till I’ve sampled all the ones I want to sample first.

She mentioned getting settlement money from the bus accident she was involved in, but whether or not she really will, I don’t know.

All I know is that Tom and I wasted yet more money. The money on the mice was a waste since they’re all going to end up dead, and the cages were a waste too, because they’re really not all that great. I like these tubes better, though, cuz they’re smaller and they make climbing easier for the smallest rodents like mice.

Tom’s family really are such shits. Although we’d say no thanks because we’re not social butterflies or big fans of turkey, the decent thing to do would be to call to see how we’re doing, especially since they know we’re having a hard time, then to invite us over for Thanksgiving, offering at least to give us gas money.

I only have 55 incense sticks left because I’ve been burning them like crazy.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 24, 2003 So much for the power of prayer. I should know better by now, I swear! I had hoped that God could put aside his hatred momentarily to grant my request for him to lead Tom to a decent job, but as always, he’s going to do what he’s going to do anyway, so why bother asking for help?

The renter’s dog is getting on my nerves on and off throughout the night. Since coming to Arizona I have been so annoyed by other people’s dogs that I don’t think, regardless of where we are or where we stand financially, that I want to bother getting our own dog. I wish someone would start shooting these loose dogs and teach their owners just what’ll happen to them when they let them run loose. I didn’t come out here to Maricopa for this shit or to be woken up as much as I get woken up out here. Tonight’s wake-up call was a huge explosion somewhere. I was close to getting up anyway when it happened at 9 PM, so I wasn’t in that deep of a sleep. Still, I thought it was a dream until Tom confirmed that it was real when I got up. He said he went out and checked things out, but didn’t see anything and that it was probably a transformer that blew, reminding me of the one that blew when we were in Phoenix. Oh yes, I remember it quite well and how the blast blew the mail slot open.

I told Tom I thought we ought to sell the Bowflex or try to anyway, but he said he likes having it around. Why? So he can use it twice a year and I can use it just to stay fat?

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 23, 2003 It’s not even midnight yet and it’s already down to 35º. Maricopa really is colder in the winter and hotter in the summer than Phoenix. Even the floors get cool along with our 6” walls! Especially because there’s no cellar or concrete slab for the house to rest on.

I was able to psych $15 on the last Slingo ticket and I’m going to keep on plugging away at it. I’m just sick of God punishing us for every little blessing he does give us. Things were running smoothly for months and now we gotta pay for it. Lovely. Just lovely.

Anyway, we talked about the possibilities of both staying and leaving. We definitely agree that if there was a way we could’ve fucked up when leaving Phoenix, we definitely did. We should never have gotten the well or a big fancy house. The nearly $1000 payments are a real killer. Like I said before, I don’t like the idea of trading this place in for a single-paned, thin-walled, tiny piece of shit, but I’m sick of struggling and I’d like more land and fewer people. Moving here and the way we went about it was definitely a dumb mistake, but we were fated to fail. Again, what would be the point of cursing us with psychotic neighbors if we were only going to know how to escape it 4 years sooner than we did? There was no way God was going to let us stumble onto the fact that we could’ve gotten out as soon as the shit hit the fan, and done so without suffering as much as we did. We didn’t have to spend 4 months in trailers and motels and we didn’t have to lose so much money. But like I said, why curse someone, then show them the way?

Another mistake was these mice because they’re dying off one by one. As Tom pointed out, feeder mice that have been inbred so much tend to be more diseased. If they all die off (there are 4 left) I’m not going to replace them with anything new till we know for sure what’s going on. I’d say we’re going to end up staying for a few more years because I’m getting to like the idea of leaving more and more. Like I said, it’s only the house itself I’ll miss. I’m just glad that for however long we end up here we’re not stuck in a desperate situation like we were before with seemingly no way out.

I’m also not going to miss the waves of foul smells we get in here. Tom can’t smell them as much, but when you’ve been cursed with a nose just as keen as any bloodhound’s, you smell all kinds of shit. Most of the smells are from the septic, but I’d only have to put up with this in the next place too, because there’d be a septic there as well.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 22, 2003 There’s a tractor in front again, so maybe they are going to level the second house after all.

It’s not even 8 PM yet it’s cold. It’s in the 40s which means it’ll probably be in the 20s come 5:00! It hadn’t been that cold this year till it got windy early this morning, causing a cold front to surge through.

Well, I guess I’ll go trim my bangs now which need to be trimmed for the third time this month.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 21, 2003 Today was Tom’s last day at the proving grounds. He’s going to sign up once again for unemployment, though he hopes to be paid by his next job, whatever that may be before he has a chance to receive unemployment. He’s going to take anything he can get, he said, and I was like, but you just had anything you could get, so why go from one shit job to another? Because he needs to be on nights, he told me, so he can have the days open for interviews. He has a point there. I always did tell him that first shift sucks for a reason. When you work during business hours, that leaves hardly any time for appointments, shopping, etc.

We were talking about the pros and cons of moving. We both agree we don’t want to be forced to sell, but we don’t want to stay either. I hate it when fate or others go and make our decisions for us, yet if moving means moving on to something better, then why not? On the other hand, if the price of moving again is going to be another half a year in jail, then I’d rather stay put. It’s one of those things we won’t know until and if it happens or until I get any vibes, but one thing that’s comforting to know is that we know more now than we did the last time around. A lot more.

I have no vibes either way at this time, but I keep seeing a brown building with an elevator in it, whatever that means. There is one thing I do know and that’s that no, we won’t always be in Arizona for the rest of our lives. Where we’ll end up, beats me.

Since a journal is a place for honesty, then I’ll say that I’m wishing once again that his mom would go belly up. We could really use our inheritance right about now, and of course it’d really put a stop to whatever she may be sending Doe and Art, though they’d just get Mary to pick up where Marge left off to play spy and report with. Well, while I may not be able to put a clamp on Marge and Miss Prefect’s big mouths, I can at least make sure they never get another picture of me, just in case they are exchanging a bit more than Merry Christmases and Happy Chanukahs, and every ounce of my gut instinct says they are too, just like it said that they were paying Kim to keep tabs on me. I doubt they’re paying Marge, though.

What I don’t understand is why my life is so important to Doe and Art. Okay, so I’m their daughter, but at the same time, I’m not their daughter and I haven’t been their daughter for years now and I never will be again, so what’s the point? Just what do they get out of it?

Since there’s never going to be a “judgment day,” which I’ll explain in a minute, I can now write all the therapeutic stories of revenge on the blacks and Mexies I so desire. I always knew deep down there’d never be a judgment day anyway and that Tom was probably just saying there would be to make me feel better, even if he might’ve truly meant it at the time, and I also knew that God would forever protect my perps.

Anyway, judgment day was going to be just what it says; we were going to hunt down as many of my perps down as we could and punish them for trashing my life be it by laser guns or whatever. We wouldn’t have done the same thing for all of them so that a common denominator wouldn’t have stood out like a sore thumb. We would’ve also made sure to leave no evidence and make their tragedies look like accidents. A laser gun burns itself up and would’ve appeared like their house caught fire for no apparent reason. In the end and in reality, revenge, punishment, torture, pain, suffering and ultimately death, will never be mine for these people except for in my fantasies. So much so that a state like Arizona would surely arrest me if they could read and display an eighth of the deadly fantasies I have in regard to these subhuman parasites that God so dearly blesses!

I’m still enjoying my incense. I don’t care about it staining furniture, walls or ceilings, but I worry about it staining the dolls and their clothes in time. I hope it won’t, though. I did online research about it and couldn’t find anything that says it will, but if I see any discolorations appearing around here, I’ll stop using the stuff.

As my writing continues to improve with time, I may one day rewrite the story of my life. I can’t make it any less sad, but I can make it better written.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 20, 2003 Just thought I’d jot down some thoughts before I go work some more on my story. Well, I’m filled with a bit of anxiety, stress and trepidation right now, though it’s nothing compared to what the freeloaders put me through. Not even a microscopic fraction. But it’s there, nonetheless. I always knew that once God finally cleansed my life of the freeloaders, He’d replace the problem with a new one. The question is how bad will it get and how long will it last?

I know Tom will ultimately end up making good money again and that we could always find some other place to live. That’s not my main concern. What worries me is us struggling indefinitely and or being forced back to the city that never wanted to let me go. This is the worst state for city living. The houses are too close and the apartment walls are paper thin. It’s way too noisy and chaotic for me. I couldn’t stand to deal with it all over again – the slamming doors, the loud stereos thumping, the screaming kids, the endless ball-bouncing games, the barking dogs, etc.

As of yesterday, I got used to the treadmill again. I could walk on it indefinitely, but not only is more not better, but I also don’t want to walk too much because it’ll just make me hungry and I’ll just end up replacing the calories I burned. If I’m going to stay 30 pounds overweight and not become 40, 50 or even more pounds overweight, I need to do something, but it doesn’t have to be a case of overkill either. I’m only walking 20-30 minutes a day, along with my arm and ab exercises. I’m 127 and I’m determined to stay there. I’ll never be the 100, 105, 110 or even the 115 I’d settle for, but I’m going to fight one last time to keep from comfortably settling into the 130s, then the 140s and so on and so forth. It’s my body, damn it, and I should be the one driving it!

Later…

Wow, I just felt and heard a huge sonic boom. They don’t usually do that at this hour either. I’m glad I was awake when that one hit. See, I worry about that as far as moving further out goes. If they can still fly over a rapidly growing community, even if it’s not that often anymore, then they certainly can fly over Nowhere Land.

I found one of the 7 mice I now have dead and one sick, so that’s not good. Hopefully, the rest will pull through.

Still no mail from Mary, though I decided to send both her and Paula letters. I even enclosed one of the incense sticks I didn’t like in Paula’s letter. Hopefully, it’ll get to her intact. I’ll call to find out at some point.

I was teasing her on the phone the other day and insisting that she’s suffering from “Ricanitis” because of how she likes PRs.

Incense Galore had always been good about answering my questions, but when I asked if the stuff leaves stains or soot over time, I got no response. This makes me think the answer could be yes. The stuff still hasn’t bothered my lungs or nose, but it sometimes irritates my eyes. Last night they felt like I’d been crying.

Michael Jackson’s being charged with child molestation again. This doesn’t surprise me. He’s quite a dedicated little pedophile. However, he has the 4 most important things in his favor and that’s his color, his gender, his fame and his fortune. He’ll get off even though he claims that he had been helping this family for a while and the more generous he was, the more they took advantage of him, so he cut them off and now they’re spiting him.

Tom agrees with me that guilty or not he’ll get off, but he also reminded me of the fact that we’re going through a time where they’re really cracking the whip on crimes against children, which led to a discussion about the cycles and trends society seems to go through. While people’s priorities may fluctuate over time, one thing sadly remains the same and that’s that everybody wants everybody else to be just like them. In other words, they may not be so quick to drug up minors like they were in the past, thinking that some magic pill would solve all their problems, but they’re on a big kick right now to dope up adults with ADD. As Tom pointed out, people are supposed to be different and they just can’t seem to get that through their thick skulls. You simply can’t make people take pills to get them to be carbon copies of one another. I can see drugging or punishing those who hurt other people, but it’s like me and blacks for example. I hate them in general and I’m sure I always will. However, I don’t go around insisting that something be done to make them just like me. I simply do my best to avoid them as much as I can instead.

Having the kind of parents I had, I can truly say that I was definitely a kid in the wrong era. It was perfectly legal to beat your kids on up till around the 90s. My mother could’ve slapped me silly in front of a cop and nothing would’ve happened. Especially in a town like Longmeadow. How I wish someone had cared enough about me to help me! So many people knew what was going on, too. It was no secret. Then again, what difference would it have made? I’d just have ended up in foster homes, funny farms and schools that were even worse sooner than I eventually did.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 19, 2003 Tom was able to get a cheap ash-catcher at Walmart when he did the grocery shopping today, so that’s one less thing to order if I ever order more incense online and if I ever get the $88 I now have.

I guess our new neighbors are spending the night at their old place. There are no lights on over there tonight.

Friday’s going to be his last day at the proving grounds. Once again they tried to pull their bullshit “Oh, but we have a good position opening up real soon” line on him, but he told them that if it didn’t open up by Monday, he was outa there. He’s only taking home $275 a week. Meanwhile, our house payment is something like $900. That leaves shit for food, electricity, plus extras like phone time and internet access.

I still think this struggling is going to go on for many more months. I mean, I just can’t imagine him finding a really good job just like that. It takes years to work your way up to really good pay. Jobs that pay really well from the get-go are few and far between. God wouldn’t be that nice to us anyway, and lead him to a good job right off the bat. Like I said before, though, what’s the point of a good job anyway if things are going to come up to set us back? Any extra money we do have only ends up going to repairs half the time.

I’m just so pissed at God for letting this happen! As if we haven’t been screwed over enough? As if we haven’t struggled enough? Setbacks are almost always a bitch to overcome. It may take no time at all to get set back, but it doesn’t take just a few weeks or a few months to climb back up. It usually takes a lot longer than that. I don’t think things will improve (if we don’t lose the house) till between April and June. I just hope to hell that this is one of those rare cases where I’m wrong. What’s discouraging is that so far the only thing I was wrong about concerning money is when the stocks would sell. I didn’t think they’d sell before ’03, but they did. That’s the only financial screw-up I’ve vibed so far so that track record alone is not encouraging.

So, he got in pretty late today what with having to go all the way out to Casa Grande for groceries, so he ate, spent quality time with me and the lovable family vermin, then off to bed he went.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 2003 Of the first incense order, my favorites have turned out to be honey, fruit, obsession, baby powder, joy, escape, watermelon, grape, butter rum, bump & grind, hot love, and sexy. Who knows how long it’ll be before I make another order? There are something like 180 more scents I’d like to try, so I’ll probably sample 90 of them next time, then the other 90.

In a couple of weeks or so we’re going to hope to get Little Fella a friend since rats don’t like living alone. I also hope to sell books, CDs and a couple of old Gloria videos in exchange for books at a place in Mesa.

I’m surprised there hasn’t been any mail from Mary so far this week, but I did get a lot more samples. A few tooth-whitening toothpaste samples and lots of skincare ones. One of the skincare companies sent what almost amounted to a small order. I got 4 little jars and 2 little bottles of stuff. I also got lots of toothpaste coupons as well as all-natural sweetener samples that contain fiber.

Later…

So much for hoping it’d be a while yet before people started moving in in front. Someone’s moving into the house closest to us. I can see lights on over there. That really sucks. That’s all the more noise we’ll have to put up with and dogs that will traipse through here. I just hope it’s nothing more than screaming kids and barking dogs because most of that can only be heard outdoors, but if they turn out to blast either car stereos or indoor stereos with doors and windows open, then we’ll hear the thumping in here with no problem. Same goes for loud motors. I hate it when people sit with loud engines idling or when they gun the damn thing. If they don’t have a dog yet, then I guarantee you they will within a week or two. No one lives out here without dogs and guns except us. I’m just glad they’re not just a few feet away!

I still really like this Delaware mannequin site and the way they add new ones quite often, but I don’t like how they never answered my email when I inquired about availability a few months from now on a particular model named Robin. I know there could be a million logical explanations as to why they haven’t responded, but until I know of any, I always think it’s an incompetence thing.

Later…

I heard car doors and an engine idling and looked out front. The lights are now off over there and there’s a van of some kind leaving the property. Perhaps they’re not all moved in just yet which would explain why I haven’t heard new barking yet. I know they’re more than just a few feet away, but I really hate having a house this close to us. When I envisioned us moving here, hearing car doors and barking as well as being able to see over a dozen houses from ours, was not part of the plan. Well, hopefully, hopefully, they won’t come and go so many times a day and they won’t always be home. The more people are home, the more it seems to stir up the dogs, no doubt because they want to come in and be part of the family. It’s so mean the way so many people don’t pay their dogs any attention. I think it’s wrong to either never allow a dog indoors or never allow them outdoors except to piss and shit.

Anyway, as soon as the dog(s) get over there, I’ll probably have to use the sound machine in my office to drown it out so I can concentrate, and just use the fan for sleeping.

They still haven’t put the other house level with the ground and I doubt they ever will. Of course they just had to level the one with the trees blocking it. Meanwhile, why not keep the one in perfect view in even more perfect view by keeping it elevated?

I asked Tom and he said all we could get for this place right now would be $140,000. With property-splitting becoming such a popular trend, that’d make this place all the more valuable in time as sooner or later there won’t be many 10-acre parcels left. I just hope God lets us decide when to move and doesn’t make up our minds for us, but I know better than to count on him for free will or any other kind of freedom of choice. I almost have to laugh when I hear those who say they “gave their lives to the lord.” Meanwhile, I’m always trying to get mine away from him! I’d really, really prefer it if we could make our own decisions most of the time and not have him, fate or others make them for us!

I was watching a talk show earlier about poor women having kids. I know love is more important than money, but it still bugs me to see women have kids who can’t afford them. All they end up doing is putting the responsibility on others or mooching off the state when they do that. If they have an accident, though birth control used properly should very rarely fail, it’s okay if they’re against abortion, but at least give the poor kid up for adoption or to a friend or relative and don’t have any more till you’re financially set. People just don’t think before they act a lot of the time. I guess we’re only human, though. I’ve done some pretty dumb things myself in life.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 2003 I decided to call Paula and use some of these minutes up before they expire. She says they put a long-distance block on her phone and so she can’t call me. She asked about the incense, but again, I’m sick of doing for others who won’t do for me so the incense I don’t like is either going to sit here on a shelf or get thrown out. I’m not going to let her keep taking advantage of my generosity. Besides, we’re too broke right now for me to go sending packages. She says she’ll send a letter and $5 to send it, but I know better. Especially the $5 part.

My quads are sore today, that’s how strenuous this treadmill is. I should give my legs a rest today and work on my arms and abs. I’m down to 127 and I had been bouncing between 129-130 for days. I’m really surprised I’m not well into the 130s yet, but I probably will be sooner or later. People don’t just tend to gain weight upon entering their 30s and that’s it. They also tend to gain in 1- to 10-pound increments throughout their lives every 5-10 years.

A bang of some sort woke me up at 9:30, then again at 12:30, but I was ready to get up then anyway. Still, I’m sick of the periodic wake-up calls, and I’m sick of the renter’s fucking dogs having free rein in this place as well!

I guess it’s two to three. The two things I’d miss if we moved would be this house and having a decent convenience store 13 miles away versus the 20-30 it’d be if we moved. However, I still do like the idea of more land, being further away from civilization, and the extra money.

I’m back to thinking I’d prefer outer fences versus inner ones if we stay. We can still do inner ones, but with outer ones, we could be anywhere on the land we wanted to be and not have to worry about dogs. I know, for example, we’re seldom out by the well, but when we are, I’d want to know no dogs could run up to us.

These surveys have proven to be as much of a waste of time as I figured they’d be. On the rare occasion that I do get an offer for a survey in exchange for points or money, all I get is “Sorry, you don’t qualify for this survey.”

What’s going on with us right now is a prime example of why I totally disagree with those who believe we’re in control of our own destinies. Like Tom chose to spend all those years building himself up to where he was just to have someone come and tear it all down for him? Yeah, right! If that’s what people believe, then they might as well also believe I chose to get fat and to have asthma.

So much of my life has been out of my control, that in a sense, I’m surprised God didn’t make a kid part of my plans because then I’d really have no life I could call my own. I really truly believe that life ends with children and so many mothers have told me so. Not that some of them necessarily mind the trade-off, but once you have kids, your life belongs to them and not you at least till they’re on their own.

How strange it would be to have first thought we would lose the house to the welfare bums, then end up losing it to lack of money. I’m just sick of this up-and-down rollercoaster shit. It’s not fair! Each time we get kicked down I’m more afraid to pull back up because we always, always lose whatever we achieve. I’m sick of this ‘sometimes we have money, sometimes we don’t shit. No matter what we do, we just can’t seem to ever get ahead, and when we do, it’s always temporary.

Later…

I didn’t have the power to work my magic on the last 4 tickets, but it seems I’ve warded off cold number two of Tom’s. The morning should tell us for sure.

I told him about the bangs that woke me up, explaining that each time it was one quick bang. This is why I doubt it was a sonic boom. It didn’t have the rumble a sonic boom has and there was no vibration to go with it. Then he told me he heard bangs this weekend when I was sleeping with the fan on and he went out and checked to find it was coming from one of the farms several miles away.

I’ve got to start either sleeping with the fan on at least medium or a lower-pitched sound on the sound machine. It’s usually the low-pitched sounds that wake me up, so I have to match the pitch with the low rumble of the box fan or certain other sounds.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 16, 2003 I did some more research concerning weight loss and exercise, but I really didn’t learn anything new. They talked about how one could be fat and fit at the same time as well as skinny and out of shape. Also, one would probably end up disappointed if they thought exercise alone would cause them to lose weight like I did when we first got the Bowflex, and how cutting calories is most important, but that adding exercise should help with the process. Jogging and very brisk walking for an hour should burn roughly 500 calories. Well, I still don’t think I could lose a pound a week like most people probably could by walking an hour a day and watching my calorie intake, but I am going to walk every day for as long as I can stand. I prefer to break it up into multiple spurts rather than do it all at once, though, as working out for long periods of time tends to make a person quite hungry.

Speaking of hunger, ironically, ever since I first took those appetite suppressants I haven’t been hungry all the time like I used to be. In fact, it’s been a week now since I’ve even taken any.

Anyway, I dragged the treadmill out into the living room so I could walk under the ceiling fan. I hate the damn thing and it really, really kicks your heartbeat up like crazy, but little by little I’ll build up the stamina for it like I’ve done before. I’d still prefer a motorized flat treadmill so I could walk steadily, rather than this thing that makes you feel like you’re climbing up a steep hill with a 40-pound sack on your back, but it’s better than nothing. I can’t jog in place as long as I can walk because my feet end up killing me after a while.

Although I don’t have any bad vibes in particular, I still fear we may end up being forced to sell this place. Not just because something doesn’t want us here, but because something likes me to be stuck in places I don’t want to be in, and cities are one of those places. That could happen in between moving to the next place like it did when we moved from Phoenix, although as Tom pointed out, we know more now than we did then.

On the other hand, I really do like the idea of moving to a bigger piece of land further away from people. The only thing I’d miss would be this house, but I know that in time we could build one just as nice if not nicer.

Tom’s going to be looking for jobs as aggressively as he can, then we’ll weigh the pros and cons of all our options and make a decision then. I mean, if he could get a good job soon enough, then maybe we’ll finally, finally, get the damn fences as well as more olies and stay here for another 5 or more years. I asked Tom what his guess was as to whether or not he thinks we’ll move or stay here and fence up, but he hasn’t got a guess. I think we’ll be here a while yet, but I can’t imagine us getting fences anytime soon. We haven’t yet and he was making great money, so I don’t see why we would ever fence this place, particularly the outer perimeters.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 15, 2003 Walter and his son finally came to get their damn rig. Good. Now I don’t have to sleep with the fan on high, which I don’t like to do in the winter as opposed to the sound machine with hopes of it drowning them out but they came after I got up. He left the rig here for a week the last time too because they finished at night and the old junker has no lights.

Typical people, though, not putting their actions where their mouths are. They said they’d haul the metal pipes that were replaced up to the house but didn’t. So like always, we were left to clean up after others. Fortunately, there weren’t too many of them. Tom’s thinking of using them as supports for a carport.

At least I managed to rig one of the two Slingo tickets we got today for $20. I don’t think I’m going to be able to win big for a while, if ever, because we were meant to struggle. What would be the point of God allowing us to win big if he wants to curse us financially like he obviously does? As it is, we’re going to have to use the pennies I’ve been saving up as well as the state quarters we’ve been collecting. It is so, so unfair. Especially at our age and with how hard Tom works.

Imagine how good I could do at psyching winning tickets for others, though, since I’m so good at making money for others. Yes, God definitely sees me as a profit to others. I wouldn’t mind helping a friend like Mary out, though. I mean, why not? If the least I can do is help others, then fine. It’s not like it’d be done at my own expense if she bought scratch tickets and had me try to do my thing. We can try it when she gets out if she wants me to. A lot of people get spooked by the thought of psychics, so I don’t know if she’d want me to try to do it. We’ll see. Unless she’s not meant to have money herself, I really think I could do it.

In other news, my testimonial is now on Incense Galore’s testimonial page. I emailed them and told them I had gotten to like most of the incense and was glad I gave it another chance. Bob, the owner, wrote back saying he was glad to hear it, it meant a lot to him, and could he get me to say something about it for other people with my medical condition? So I provided positive feedback. This ought to get him more business. As I said, I’m a real profit to others, but at least I’m worth something to someone!

I now have $68 that I don’t have.

Tom sealed up the bathroom wall. Once we put joint compound on it, plus the little mini mural, no one will ever know it was cut open.

As for the diet, I never did do it. I figured it’d be pointless to set myself up for failure. I mean, why do something I know I can’t do? Besides, the longer you’re fat, the more you tend to get used to it.

Anyway, I guess I was a real fool to think for even a second that maybe, just maybe, the cock that fired Tom was doing him a favor since he was too nice to put his foot down about all the free work he was doing. Yet he was making more money working for free half the time, as funny as I know that sounds! I always said that something never wanted us here, so this will be a good test to see just how right I am about that one, because if his pay doesn’t increase significantly by February, then we’ll lose the house. He doesn’t think we will, but Tom’s always been an extreme optimist. He always thinks everything will work out. I don’t exactly have any vibes about losing the house myself right now, but it wouldn’t surprise me if we did.

He’s thinking of hooking up with one of the temp agencies to see what they can come up with. That’s how he started at the bank, but the bank cut his pay once he was assigned a permanent position. Either way, he’s probably going to have to quit where he is now to be available for interviews.

When I told Tom just how much I’d miss this house he said we didn’t have to move and that there are other options, but I can’t see any right now. I won’t live here more than a couple more years without fences and plants for privacy and we can’t afford either of those, so I don’t know that staying here will be an option. Besides, as much as I’ll miss this house, I still think we’re a little too close to people. I hear the fucking renter’s dogs barking all night long, and of course those themselves are always hanging out there and it steals my sense of seclusion and peace. I mean, don’t get me wrong; it’s nothing, absolutely nothing compared to the hell we went through in Phoenix, but I still like the idea of our closest neighbors being 20-30 miles away. Then God can stick the always-at-home Mormon family with 20 kids and 10 dogs closest to us and we’ll never know it! As Tom pointed out, most people don’t realize you can make your own electricity and they tend to want to go where there are power lines. I asked him if he thought they’d conveniently figure it out once we moved and come out to join us, but he said it’d be a good 50 years or so before they caught on, and described other things as examples. Things that were possible long before general society realized it, so this is a case where people’s stupidity can be to our advantage. Usually, it’s the other way around because we’re the ones stuck having to pay for stupid people’s mistakes and do the work that they were too stupid to do themselves. I know I may sound conceited, but most people just aren’t like us.

Anyway, Tom says most of the people who buy land in these super remote areas do it as an investment, thinking it’ll make big money down the road.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 14, 2003 I could easily walk outside for 20 minutes every day if my schedule and the weather would only permit it. It may not ultimately prevent me from gaining any more weight, but it sure does make me feel good. If I don’t exercise at all I feel like a lazy wimp, so I need to do this to at least stay in shape. I don’t have much privacy what with having to walk to the tune of half a dozen adults yacking and half a dozen kids screaming, but at this distance, it’s no biggie. However, I’d still like to see the day come when our closest neighbors don’t have so many damn people and dogs within their household and are out during the weekdays, but this hasn’t been the case since ’92 and I don’t think it ever will be again.

Since Mary likes word finds and I know how boring jail can be, I took one of my Word Find books and made puzzles for her using the words from it.

I have now sampled all of the incense. Of the 80 scents I got, 15 were bad, 11 were great, and the rest were okay. If I order any more, I’ll get the favorites in bulk quantities. I’m really surprised at the ones that I ended up liking best like the fruity one, for example. It was strong, but not overwhelming and smelled oh so good! Same with the honey.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 13, 2003 Today is such a beautiful day, as in shorts and no sleeves. After I fed and petted the cat, I walked for about 15 minutes around the house and the combination of the warm sun and a cool breeze was perfect.

Yesterday, all the pet supplies we ordered arrived. We decided not to send anything back, though my book shopping is going to have to wait. As it is, I have $61 that I don’t have, so to speak. I still hold out the hope that our financial problems will be solved soon enough, but our problems are never short-term. Whenever we’re set back like this it’s usually for months if not years. I know it won’t be years, though, because if we just can’t get ahead and it starts looking like we’re going to lose the house, we’ll just sell it and go on with our plans of more land with a shit trailer and skip the house payments.

Anyway, the cages are really cool, but I don’t know if cleaning them will be that simple. There are a lot of pieces that will need to be taken apart. The one with the glowing wheel isn’t all that impressive, though it’s still a cute cage. It’s just that it doesn’t glow very much, and the cage is very small. The cages are perfect for mice, though.

I also got a slew of beauty samples in the mail and a letter from Bob. He said my jailhouse journals make for good reading, but it’s going slow for him because his eyes are bad.

As is the case with most controlled environments, there are always new rules and changes occurring where he is. The latest one is that they can no longer receive envelopes or stamps, so the 3 envelopes I sent him will go to waste.

I decided not to bother getting the trimmer because I so rarely cut my hair and when I do, I like to cut a few inches. It also needs evening out periodically and the trimmer couldn’t do that.

Later…

Shiny finally got brave enough to enter the house, but he didn’t go very far. I’m sure he’ll go farther and farther each time, and that’s fine with me since he’s declawed and seems to be a gentle, harmless cat, but he’s often filthy with the dirt and weeds he rolls around in. He seems to be getting bigger now that we’re feeding him. His lack of claws would explain why he was so skinny; because he couldn’t kill anything. Anyway, he was in and out a couple of times. Whenever he’d lose his nerve and turn towards the door, I’d let him out so he’d know he’d never be trapped in here. Then, at one point, he saw something outside that I didn’t see and went charging after it. Whatever it was (probably a rabbit) was down towards the utility end of the house and we were in front at the time.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 12, 2003 It’s hard to believe it’s the middle of the afternoon. It’s so cloudy and rainy out there that it looks like early morning.

I did it again. Tom got a crossword ticket for him and a Slingo for me and they both won a total of $17! I won lotto points too, and am now up to 1803!

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 11, 2003 The well work ended up costing $520. I am so, so mad at God. Utterly furious! How could he let this happen to us? Now’s not the time to be picking on us. Not with his shit job. I can’t stand this regular destruction of our property! I’m so fed up with the fucking setbacks! If he can’t let us get ahead in life, can’t he at least quit kicking us back down? And to let us be kicked down like that at this time is really mean, hateful and compassionless.

Tom said that despite how bad it is being cursed, and he’s always believed there was a curse on him just like I’ve always believed there was one on me, there is some consolation in it. The consolation is knowing he’s not going to be killed in a car wreck or get cancer and die, because what would be the point of killing someone you can’t curse? Something definitely wanted us to live to suffer, though we may not suffer nearly as much as we used to, especially me. I mean sure, paying $520 when we’re broke may be bad enough, but living with Dureen and Art O. was a much greater curse. So was living in the Brattleboro Retreat, Valleyhead, the NHA and Estrella Jail, to say nothing of the nearly 4 years we had to spend living next to the human parasites in Phoenix.

I can relate to what he’s saying, in a sense. There have been times when Tom would be a little late getting home and I’d start getting nervous, reminding myself of how much God hates me and that he’s both capable and cruel enough to take one’s loved ones from them in a heartbeat. Then I think to myself, yes, he hates me. With a passion, too! However, he doesn’t quite hate me that much. Then I see Tom’s car pull in and I breathe a deep sigh of relief.

While we both believe in curses as much as we believe in blessings and the supernatural, we disagree on the cause. Tom thinks he’s cursed just because, but I believe there’s a reason for everything. I don’t know what to think as to why we could be so cursed. Some say we’re being punished for the sins of our forefathers which would be so unfair, though nothing in life is fair anyway. Others say there is such a thing as reincarnation and would suggest that we weren’t very nice people in our past lives and so we’re paying for it in this one.

I don’t know about these theories. I mean, anything’s possible. One thing I do know is that God has a deep hatred toward Jews. That’s been way obvious to me. Why else would he have allowed 6 million of us to be tortured and murdered? No, he definitely likes to pick on the Jews, but why I don’t know. I’m not even Jewish, as far as I’m concerned. Just because my parents were Jewish, doesn’t mean I have to be. I’ve always been as religious as a doorknob and I plan on staying that way, too!

I hate to do it, but I probably am going to put my allowance money towards a little repair fund. We can’t even go 3-6 months without some major breakage, and I want us to be prepared so we won’t have to be so tight when these multi-hundred-dollar repairs are needed.

Walter and his son worked on the well from 9:30 to 7:30. After they left we went to Circle K for some treats because we felt we deserved it. I even got myself a $3 beanbag Gila Monster with bright metallic colors.

On the way there Tom said that he overheard how much Walter pays his son. He gets $2 a link. We have 38 pipes, so that’s $76. I’d say the kid made out really good at our expense. I wasn’t kidding when I said we do a damn good job of making money for others. We’re definitely, definitely a financial asset to anyone but ourselves. If God could’ve spoken to others in regard to me the day I was born, he’d have said, “Use her, abuse her, and make as much money as you can off of her.”

The problem did turn out to be a hole caused by corrosion. It occurred in the very last pipe right above the pump. This pipe was replaced with one of the old plastic ones which aren’t supposed to corrode like metal ones do. So just like the last time, instead of the water being pumped straight up through the pipes, it’d be pumped up out the hole and back down into the ground again. The further down the pipes are, the more susceptible to corrosion they get as there’s more water the further down you go.

These are one of the many catastrophes in life where I’m glad we don’t have kids to make things twice as hard and twice as expensive. I’m also glad, as funny as it may sound, that God isn’t in the habit of answering my prayers. If he had taken Marge when I wanted him to, then who would we run to for money? If this woman doesn’t have empathy enough by now to give us a Christmas bonus this year, she never will.

Tom suggested I try putting a general spell on us and see if it’ll help ward off whatever evil haunts and harasses us, but I doubt I can do that. God’s not going to allow me the powers to do things he doesn’t want done, and again, what would be the point of cursing someone if they’re either dead or able to ward it off?

Sometimes I wonder why we bother to forge ahead when something up there is only going to come and tear down what we’ve achieved. I want so bad to have 5 minutes alone with the cock that fired Tom, but I know that if I ever even so much as thought of fighting back against those who have wronged us, God would punish me all the more, so I’m forced to simply grin and bear it.

Both Tom and I agree that I’m getting better and better at rigging scratch tickets with my mind, but to remove the curse in general? I just can’t imagine being able to do that. Rigging tickets is hard enough as it is because there’s so much I have to mentally alter. I have to rig the call letters/numbers, then the game board part itself, then the barcode where winning tickets are scanned for verification.

I’ve gotten to like some of this incense, though I’m still not sure I’ll ever reorder. Especially not if I’m going to turn my fun money into a repair savings account. As much as I wanted the mannequin, the dolls, the DVD, the trimmer, I know I can do without them. Shopping is fun, but material things aren’t the most important things in life, surviving is. Mary’s stamps are all gone now, so I’ll probably make a point of mailing out just one envelope a week.

I just hope we’re out of here before the next scheduled attack on the well. They’re going after it again in late ’06 or early ’07 and I totally trust my vibes on that one after being right on everything else, including this latest attack which I predicted nearly to the day. On the other hand, this shit will happen to us no matter where we go, and if we go to a place even more remote than this, then that’s all the more reason we’ll have to have a well. We can’t haul water if there’s no one around to get the water from in the first place.

I have to wonder if another possibility I’m cursed like this could be because of the spells I’ve put on those who’ve crossed me or those I care about. But I wasn’t always able to curse others so maybe the reasons for my being cursed fluctuated. Even so, there’s a good possibility that I’ve harmed many people on account of my spells. What goes around really does come around. An example of that is that for years I’d bitch about how my parents were never going to pay for their abuse towards me, but when you think about it, really think about it, you see that they are paying. They lost their daughter forever. For the rest of their lives, they can only wonder about me and hear gossip which they’ll just have to sort through and decide for themselves whether or not what they hear is true. Never again can they know what’s true for real, see me, hear me, etc. I’m forever a memory of theirs. A face in a photograph, a voice on tape, an image on video. That’s all I am. I’m like an intangible entity for them that can never really truly come to life.

Anyway, I really wish I knew what was causing this curse. I kind of think that knowing might be the key to actually doing something about it for a change. Right now all we can do is bitch about it. Still, this is why I constantly analyze the past. We can learn a lot from the past, even if it means we still can’t necessarily change the future. Looking at past curses, like the things that broke and the things I didn’t achieve that I once wanted, helps me to see and recognize any patterns that may be of whatever significance in the end.

A lot of people choose to forget the most depressing, frustrating times in their lives, and that’s all well and good. I’m all for moving on and living for the future. However, I don’t think we should completely forget the bad times because it makes us appreciate the good times all the more. This is why every Wednesday that Maricopa’s supposed to report (I’m sure that will change at some point), I’m thankful I’m not one of the ones who has to report. Every other weekday during the hours of 10 AM-3 PM, I delight in the fact that Scot won’t be stopping by.

The more I think about moving, the more I like the idea, despite the pros and cons I see in it. I don’t like the idea of living in an old dump again, I worry about sonic booms and punishments for moving, but I really like the idea of having no house payments while we build our own castle that we’ll hopefully live happily ever after in till we’re too old to live so far out. I swear, though, if we ever live in the city again it’ll be in a retirement community. I also like the idea of having more land and more spending money. How fun it’d be to have at least $100 a month to play with on top of an unlimited grocery budget!

Later…

It’d be a bizarre sort of karma if Little Buddy’s picture won money. The welfare bums cost us thousands of dollars, yet if it wasn’t for them, there’d be no bottles and this picture wouldn’t exist. I know it’ll never happen, though. Not in a million years. I may win a medal, but that’d be only because I couldn’t do anything with it.

I told Tom I think we should return the cages as soon as we get them and save the money. I can make do just fine with what we’ve got. I still have one Play City cage, 3 tanks, the maze, tubes galore, plus other accessories.

The renters, who were amazingly out of sight and sound all day yesterday, were out burning this evening. They’ve been burning almost every day, though if we had that many people in my household, we’d have to burn that often, too.

I still like to walk outside when it’s too hot for the renters to be out, but I’ve tightened my walking trail. Instead of venturing far out on the sides, I walk around the house, staying pretty close to it. That takes about a minute, that’s how long the house is. So I’d have to circle it 20 times to get 20 minutes of walking put in. Tom recommends walking every other day. That’s what I figured I’d do when my schedule calls for it (I’ll jog indoors when I’m on nights). The question is, do I walk 20 minutes, 30 minutes, 45 minutes or an hour? I guess I’ll just base it on how I feel.

While I was out there, I kept the front and side doors unlocked in case any strays got a little too friendly. It wouldn’t have made sense to open the back door as there are no stairs by it right now. Tom took those stairs and replaced the old, rickety side stairs with them before one of us could fall through and break a leg like I’ve been fearing.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 10, 2003 I haven’t written for a few days because I’ve been too pissed off to do so. Let’s just start off by saying that I knew the quick fix on the well was too good to be true. Whatever the problem is this time, I better not find out that this is their fault (the same people that we called out the last time) or else they’re not getting a dime. I told Tom this, too. No more paying for other people’s mistakes. I’ve had enough of that shit. If this is their mistake, then it’s their responsibility to pay for it as well as to correct it.

I’m surprised no nosybodies have come to butt into things as of yet.

I’m just so sick of the setbacks and the breakage!!!!! Why can’t we ever go more than a few months without having to lose time and shell out money to stop and play fix it? I’m seriously considering saving my money and not buying things with it anymore. Too much of our stuff breaks too often and we could really use the money for all these fucking repairs.

Anyway, the well crapped out on us early yesterday morning. The well guy came out late in the afternoon to check it out, thinking the pump had malfunctioned, but Tom was sure it was a short that caused a hole in the pipe. It took two hours to pull up the 760-foot-deep pump. They’re at lunch right now.

The renters just may not be so musicless after all. I can’t swear to it that the music we heard yesterday was theirs and not the middle or furthest rental, but it probably was theirs. We couldn’t hear it inside, but it was annoying while we were out trying to talk to the well guy, Walter. Maybe that’s why they played it; because they saw us standing out there, and if people who like to get other people’s attention see people hanging out and about, then of course they’re gonna make a commotion of some kind. Dan may’ve truly repaired those trucks in which engines he used to gun, but what better way to let the world know you exist? I wasn’t the least bit surprised when he moved. I could tell that anyone who felt the need to get attention that bad where they had to blast their music and gun engines for hours at a time, was a very lonely, isolated person and they needed to be in the city with people.

Anyway, the renters may not be the neighbors from hell like what we had in Phoenix, but they really are annoying at times. Let’s see… they’ve trashed our land, their place is a hell of an eyesore, their dogs are set free to traipse all over our land even though they do have fences in front, and now they’re blasting music. And of course they’re out and about constantly. Another thing that bugs me is the traffic back there. They seem to come and go an awful lot and they don’t just simply do it. They creep in slowly in a vehicle with a loud motor, then they just sit there for a few minutes before turning the damn thing off. I guess the music and extra traffic are connected to whoever the hell they’ve got living in that trailer back there, but it’s really getting old. Their fucking dogs ran up barking to Tom and Walter yesterday when they were out by the well, and while these dogs may’ve been friendly, they’re big scary dogs, too! I’m sick of everyone’s dogs having a free run of our land. See, that’s the problem with so many people out here. They act like they’re the only ones around or like they own the neighborhood. It’s like their land is their land, your land is their land and so is everyone else’s. I just wish they’d settle down, spruce their place up a bit and keep their damn dogs to themselves!

And what about George? He’s got to know it’s illegal for someone to be living in a trailer back there like that. What would it take for him to complain or evict a tenant of his? For them not to pay their rent for a whole year?

Anyway, since we had to stop and play well for the 10th time, the bathroom wall did not get sealed up. He doesn’t like to do much of anything during the week but come home from work, eat dinner by the TV, then do a little computer work before bed, so the wall will have to wait till next weekend.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 8, 2003 I was going to return the incense. They even said I could. But then, remembering how bad mice smell as opposed to any other rodent in the world, I decided to keep it. Especially since we got 10 mice today! We’re just not so sure that the small rats we saw will stay small enough for the cages/tubes that should arrive next week, so we got the mice instead. I got 3 Fancy mice and the rest are common mice. They’re all males and all are white, except the Fancies have some grays and tans mixed in. The commons were a little over a buck and the Fancies were 4 bucks, but she let me have them all for the common’s price. If they were all plain white, I’d still be able to tell the Fancies from the commons, as the Fancies are noticeably bigger. I just wish they’d quit fighting!

For now, I have them all set up in one of the old big tanks and the only Play City cage I still have. As always, there’s a Fancy bully in the trio of Fancies. One of them gets picked on pretty badly, but it’s really nothing serious. They won’t kill each other. I hear quite a bit of squeaking, though.

I would still love to have a super jumbo rat, but we can’t seem to find them around here. They do have these giant pouched rats that get up to 17” long, excluding their tails, but they don’t seem to be legal in the US. They’re mainly in Africa.

The only bummer was that the bookstore we went to didn’t exist anymore, so sometime next week we’re going to go to a place in Mesa that says they pay cash for books, tapes, videos, DVDs and CDs. We’ll have about 30 CDs for them, 20 books and 2 Gloria videos.

I love these new Slingo scratch tickets which are a form of bingo. I won $30! I was wrong when I said the most I’d ever won was $25, not just because I won $30 today, but because I also remembered that I won $35 playing bingo in Florida in ’89 on my 24th birthday.

Shiny comes up to me every day now. I’m glad I saved his life like I did. Had I not opened the door when I did, those damn dogs that had him boxed in by the door would’ve killed him for sure.

I’m surprised and glad to have discovered that he’s both neutered and declawed. So he once belonged to someone after all.

I got a letter from Mary yesterday. Now when am I going to hear from Bob? Anyway, Mary said she loves the Red Hot Barbie and that even one of the officers commented on her picture which I had printed on the back of the envelope. She loves the word find puzzles too, so I made her up one with words she requested, plus a few of my own with subjects like animals, recreation, and food and beverages.

I noticed my computer was sounding funny and it smelled like burnt plastic in my office. Well, it turned out that my fan died, so Tom replaced it, along with a new power supply box.

Tomorrow, since there have been no more leaks, fortunately, he’s going to seal up the bathroom wall.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 7, 2003 Gosh, I really wish I could get some weight off! 10 pounds, just 10 pounds. I’d gladly settle for just that at this point. I had 3 pairs of long pants that fit, but one’s now too tight and the elastic around the other ancient pair stretched out and broke. So now I have just one pair of winter pants. I’m going to try again to make one last attempt to lose weight, but I just don’t know if I can do it. I haven’t been able to lose weight for 2 or 3 years now. I’m going to try to keep myself on a day schedule for as long as I can and walk outdoors for a half-hour to an hour every day while I limit my calories to about 1200 a day, excluding coffee and gum. The walking should burn anywhere from about 100-350 calories. I wish I could walk outside year-round at any time of day or night, but with no moon, I could never see where I was going and it’d be too dangerous to walk during the summer nights when it was cooler because that’s when the rattlers are most active.

When I’m done with the laundry and exercising, I’m going to run through the final proofreading of my story which is now done. It’s a short story, but I think it came out well even so. It’s quite suspenseful. There’s more murder and less sex in this one, I suppose you could say.

I don’t know if Mary will like it. She strikes me as the type to prefer romance over murder mysteries and suspenseful stories such as I tend to write.

My nose treats came yesterday, but so far they all seem to smell the same. The grape one does sort of smell like what it’s supposed to be, but for the most part, they seem to smell more like smoke, like incense, than anything else. Nonetheless, this glorified cigarette smoke is okay, I guess. It covers any foul odors and I’ll definitely use them all up. I just don’t think I’ll ever make a second order. The things smell better unlit than lit. I guess they are breakable too since they’re such flimsy sticks. That’s why they wrapped them in newspapers.

Now for the best and most shocking news of the day. Little Buddy’s picture, “Hiding Amongst the Bottles,” made the finals in the photo contest!!! This is the picture of him peering up from inside a box of bottles when I was doing community service. I photocopied the letter for Mary, though I don’t know if it’ll make it in to her. If not, I’ll just tell her about it, but anyway, it was cool to see the picture’s title with the copyright symbol and my name along with it. I guess within the next month the judges are going to make their final decisions. One person gets the $1,000 prize while 40 people get a silver medal and 73 get a bronze medal. Then someone gets the annual prize of $10,000.

So my Little Buddy, now dead almost a year, shines on from beyond the grave. How I still miss him so! I remember I cried hysterically when I was around 14 and I lost my first guinea pig, Penny, yet I quickly got over it. Never has a pet touched me so much that I can still shed tears for him a year after his death. Meanwhile, I couldn’t cry for Scuttles, Houdini or Ratsy no matter how hard I tried and I loved those rats dearly. Same goes for Piggy who we had for 4 of the 6 years we lived in the Phoenix house.

I’d be both surprised and not surprised to win a medal because it’s not money. However, I can’t imagine God allowing me to win any of the money prizes. The most I’ve ever won was $25, so $1,000 or more would be quite a jump from that. I’d think it’d count as me making money and that’s an obvious no-no.

Later…

Now I have the vanilla nut burning. Once again, I’d never have guessed that that’s what’s supposed to be burning. It just smells like fancy smoke to me. So far the only one that had a subtle smell of a distinct kind was the grape.

My tight pants are good for walking. That way I know they’re going to stay put. I take the mace with me just in case a big dog decides to get a little too friendly on me, but neither of us has had a problem yet with vicious dogs, so I doubt we ever will. If you go onto a dog’s territory, that’s one thing, but when they come onto yours, it’s another. I counted this time and determined that it took 4 minutes to make a rotation and not 3 which means 15 rounds would equal an hour of walking. Damn, it’d take close to 10 minutes to walk around the land’s perimeters!

Anyway, I’m making one last try to get down to 120 pounds which is just 7 pounds away. You think to yourself – 7 pounds? That’s nothing. But it most certainly is when you have no metabolism and are my age. I’m worlds away from 120, trust me. I may as well be asking to lose 70 pounds and not 7.

In a week or two Tom will be quitting his job. He’s going to have to in order to be available for job interviews for jobs that pay better. At least, like he said, this is the prime time of year for finding jobs, and I did have positive money vibes between November 23rd and December 27th, but I’m not a fortune psychic, so I don’t know if I trust my vibes. I didn’t sense making the finals, that’s for sure! I’m only sensitive to grim happenings, so it seems. That affects people’s health and seeing past events and places I’ve never been to.

Later…

So far the only incense sticks that are okay are strawberry, grape and sexy. I think I really would prefer the perfume bottles, sprays and scented cartridges. That way I can have the smell without the smoke. In fact, I emailed them and asked if I could return what I haven’t used, but I doubt they’ll go for it. I think they’ll only take things back that are damaged.

Meanwhile, I found a small gift set for $19 at Walmart with White Shoulders perfume, body lotion, and some other little bottle of cologne. I hope I can get it in person. That way we can get out of the shipping costs. See, this is why I wish I weren’t a doll collector or was getting more spending money per month. Think of all the new clothes, perfume and other items I could get if I didn’t have to tie up so much of my money with dolls because of how expensive the ones I like are.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 6, 2003 Not surprisingly, kids and adults are parading around in back right now, but they’re quiet. Especially since I’m indoors and on the other side of the house. I’m glad they’re quiet, but I still wish there were only one or two childless, dogless adults over there with one or two vehicles that were always parked in front and not at the sides or in back as well. I also wish there wasn’t someone home all the time, too.

I wish I could get up early every morning. At least throughout the cooler months. That way I could do what I did this morning and exercise outdoors. I walked briskly along the front wash, down by Meadow Green, up along the back wash towards next door, then circled around again. I calculated that it takes about 3 minutes for each round, so 10 rounds would make a half-hour of walking.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 5, 2003 I’d say that the water pills weren’t affecting my metabolism, after all. I’m not surprised either. I think I’m just nearly 38 years old and that’s what’s affecting it. What’s more of a surprise is how much more energy I’ve had since quitting the vitamins. I never would’ve thought they’d cause such sluggishness if Tom hadn’t mentioned the fact that vitamins do that to him. So I decided to increase my workouts now that I have more energy. I know it won’t cause me to lose weight, but why not make myself even healthier and even more fit? One thing’s for sure and that’s that I may be fat, but I sure am fit! I can jog for quite a long time. I’m going to alternate between jogging and brisk walking for a half-hour a day, plus do my crunches.

Mr. Predictable read more of my story on Sunday. He agrees that the third-person style is better. First person is better for true stories like in Mary’s book.

Speaking of Mary, I got a letter from her a couple of days ago along with drafts. When I wrote back to her I gave her Paula’s address and explained to her that although I think she’s beyond help, maybe she can write about her case. After all, she did say it’d be worth it if she only helped just one person. I told Paula she may write, too. Normally, I don’t buddy mix, but because we don’t all live in the same town, it’s okay, and Paula’s someone I’ll never see again. She’s just a voice on the phone. One I spoke to yesterday. She too, says my haircut makes me look younger.

Mary’s got me confused as to why Jose’s in prison. Or as to which story José told her, that is. I thought he was supposedly in for a murder connected to a drug deal gone bad. I thought the story was something about him witnessing a drug-related murder that he didn’t report, but now he’s supposedly in for killing a man who raped him. Tom and I both are very skeptical about that one. I think he just killed someone, plain and simple. I think he didn’t get what he wanted, he got pissed, and so he killed the dude. He was probably either buying or selling drugs and felt he was being ripped off somehow.

I wonder how Mary can be so damn naïve, but I don’t think it’s so much that she’s naïve as it is that she needs someone to believe in, and again, I don’t have to repeat what kind of man attracts her. It’s a form of masochism, so I read. They seek abusers because they either feel that’s all they deserve or they like the thrill of living on the edge. This is what I think is more Paula and Mary’s case. People like Tammy, on the other hand, seek abuse and misery to be pitied and or to be admired for forbearance.

This Saturday we’re going pet hunting and to the bookstore to hopefully sell some books and CDs and get some new books. Maybe, if I’m extremely lucky, I’ll find the Charlie’s Angels DVD there, but I doubt it.

I can’t wait for my incense! It was shipped on Monday. There’s a slight possibility that it could come today, but I think tomorrow’s more likely. At least it’s not something I have to worry about being broken and they seem to be reliable as far as not misdelivering things.

Not surprisingly, Netflip ripped me off. They keep saying they’ll “look into it,” but never do. And I’m sure they got a little help from above, too. It’s what I get for trying to make money.

I found a definite split end in one of Bailey’s hairs which confirms my suspicions…her hair is human.

We decided that if we were going to move, we might as well hunt for land in one of the states that allow internet gambling. Right now my guess is that we’ll move within the next 5 years to either somewhere in Arizona, Nevada, New Mexico or Texas, probably Nevada.

The renters are being annoying right now. Yeah, it’s that time of year again. Someone back there’s decided to take up Dan’s old job of engine gunning.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 3, 2003 Yesterday was a fun day. We each flew one of the Barbie kites. They flew quite well and for quite some time, too. I hooked mine to the well and he hooked his to the house and they flew themselves for a while.

We also both won two different scratch tickets. He won $2 and I won $15.

Tom normally does the grocery shopping early Saturday morning, but since we went out Saturday morning, he did it yesterday morning and we got Shiny some cat food. He sure is skinny.

I asked myself what I wanted more, another really nice doll or a mannequin and the answer is a mannequin. I have other nice dolls, but no mannequin yet, so I decided this is it, I’m going to save up for one for once and for all, but definitely won’t get one from that Bay area place. They’re just too expensive there. There are 3 possibilities - the place in Colorado, the place in Delaware, or the Netherlands. I could save money by getting one with molded hair that Tom could sand down so I could throw a wig over it, but I’d rather not have to do that. I’m hoping the Delaware site will have something by the time I have the money saved up. Their used wigged mannequins are pretty comparable to the Colorado site’s new molded-haired ones (they don’t have any used ones).

I already have $28 saved up, plus the $138 I’ll be getting in Christmas and birthday money. I’ll need about $300, so I need to save up $140 more.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 2003 I only slept 5 hours yet woke up feeling as refreshed as ever. I can’t say that quitting the vitamins necessarily makes me need less sleep, but it does give me more energy. I’m sluggish a lot less often.

Two days ago it warmed up enough that I needed to put the AC on for a few hours, but now it’s cool again.

If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear the renters were Mexican welfare bums. The only thing that reminds me that they’re not is the lack of music, but they sure know a lot of people. I still think they’re Mormons and so they have large families. Anyway, someone’s been living behind them in a trailer similar to what we stayed in for about a week now which is supposed to be illegal unless you’re setting up a house you’re going to move into like our case was, and of course, George won’t complain about it. I haven’t heard or seen them and they’ve done a better job at keeping their trash to themselves, but the place really does look horrible.

However, we did some talking and now I don’t know if we’ll bother planting more things. I think we may be moving sooner than we first thought. They’re offering 160-acre parcels an hour north of Phoenix for $80,000. The idea is to get something like that and an old $20,000 piece of shit to live in while we built our own house. If we did this, we’d have no house payment. All we’d need to really pay for would be food and fun stuff. This would certainly eliminate the stress of having an $8-an-hour job, and we’d be able to put away money and save it for emergencies.

I like the idea of moving more and more, though I’ll probably feel a twinge of sadness when we do like Tom did when we left Phoenix because there are happier memories for me here than there were there. There, he didn’t have bad asthma and the need to struggle to quit smoking like I did. He also wasn’t as affected by next door’s shit as much because he was a heavier sleeper. Lastly, whether or not he was truthful about wanting a kid, he didn’t want one as bad as I once did. Plus, that house was an old dump, and like most guys, I don’t think he cares as much about size, age and appearance as we ladies tend to. Either way, this house isn’t completely untainted. Seems to me I remember a certain black pig tainted this house 4 years ago, along with 11 visits from Scot, to say nothing of the stress the blacks and Mexies caused us.

Surprisingly, my weight’s holding steady. The suppressants really help. I mean, I’m too old to lose weight and I know that, but they seem to be keeping me from gaining any more. Tom and I both agree that the suppressants they sell in the grocery store are pretty comparable to this overpriced stuff I’ve been getting. After all, if it were that much different, then you’d need a prescription for it.

Anyway, yesterday turned out to be rather fun. We were pretty productive, and for once I felt like things were finally starting to get done around here. First we went to Denny’s for breakfast. It was mobbed yet the people were civilized enough. We didn’t have any little kids screaming in our ears or throwing food at us. I got the steak and egg dinner and he got an omelet.

Then we went to Home Depot where he showed and explained to me why the porches shouldn’t cost a fortune or take forever to build. We also browsed through the nursery section and we both agree that 5-gallon plants are a little small for this place, so we’ll probably go with the 15 or higher when we go to get palms and olies. They had some huge queen palms for $149. We didn’t get any outdoor plants, but for just $10, I got an indoor palm! For just $5, I got a cheap black plastic pot with an attached drain pan and I sort of wish I’d gotten all plastic pots. They may not be as nice looking, but they sure are cheaper and they sure do make moving the plants a lot easier, too. However, the ceramic ones do provide more stability for the heavier ones.

Anyway, it’s so cool looking and is nearly 7’ tall. I’m glad I didn’t get the $50 fake one. I was surprised as I didn’t know palms could live indoors. The guy there said they’re good for indoors as well as patios and are slow-growing plants. All the tropical ones seem to grow slowly. I’m surprised it’s a majesty palm. I thought it looked more like a queen or a date palm.

I saw an older big-leaf plant and was like – wow! You mean mine will get that big someday? It was huge! Its leaves were easily comparable to a beach towel. I could cover this big old body of mine with some of the bigger leaves easily. The stems and leaves arched way up over my head. I realize, seeing how slowly mine’s grown in the 6 months I’ve had it, that this plant I saw must’ve been many years old. Like maybe 6 and mine’s probably about 3.

We also picked up 4 60-pound bags of cement to finish putting the posts up with.

The only disappointment was at the pet store. In the past they’ve always had a good selection of various-sized rats, but not this time. All they had were a few jumbos and a pile of albino feeders. We ordered the cages and accessories, but we’ll have to wait and get the rats at another store next weekend.

The best news of all is that we fixed the master bath’s shower leak. Amazingly, Tom found and fixed the problem within minutes of cutting away a couple of panels with a big sharp razor. Our first thought was that we screwed it up when we increased the pressure, but no, as always, it’s someone else’s mess we gotta clean up after. The stupid Mexicans ruptured the plastic pipe with a nail at the factory, so little by little, it’s been leaking ever since. Using a special glue along with a rubber clamp, Tom sealed it up.

The original plan was to wallpaper that bath, but then I came up with a better idea that would cost us a lot less and save Tom a lot of extra work, too. That monster bath is 8x14 and would need 18 rolls of wallpaper which would cost around $200. If we throw a little door-size mural over the area he cut out and is going to patch up so long as it stays dry for a good week or so, then that’d be just $20. I was thinking of a beach scene for in there and horses for the bedroom and retreat doors which would look great from the bed when those doors are shut. There’s a scene with a brown horse staring out of a stall in a barn, then there’s one with a white horse.

As for the very screwed up living room mural – that will get redone too, and so the whole thing will cost about $120. There’s a large garden mural I like for that wall.

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one-without-fear · 1 year ago

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25 Things Ep. II

26) Your idea of a perfect first date?

First? Hmm breakfast date or going to an arcade. Mornings tell you a lot about a person, and competition also shows you who a person is.

27) What is something most people don't know about you?

I’m terrified of deep water, doesn’t matter what or where. I still think a shark is going to get me in a public pool.

28) What makes you feel the happiest?

Watching tv and feeling my dog at the foot of my bed.

29) What store do you shop at most often?

Walmart or Target.

30) How do you feel about oral? Giving and/or receiving?

At first, tbh I despised it. There was no way my mouth was going there. I just didn’t want to, I had a girl do it and she sucked lol. Also, it hurt and that probably played a factor in receiving. Now? I’ll give all day long, I don’t like to receive because I’m afraid it’ll be bad or it won’t be done right.

31) Do you believe in karma?

I do.

32) If you had an hour left to live, what would you do?

I’d make a 20 minute goodbye video, if you’re on it, you were important. The last 40 minutes, I’d want to be having sex. Hopefully I just disappear once my hour is up lol. Not just cease to exist in the middle. Awkward.

33) Do you think flowers or candy are a better way to apologize?

Neither. Had written letter. Flowers are stupid, they die. And candy? Did you eat mine first and that’s why you’re sorry?

34) Are you a good swimmer?

I’d say so.

35) Coffee or Tea?

Tea.

36) Online shopping or shopping in person?

Depends.

37) Would you rather be older or younger than your current age?

Younger.

38) Cats or Dogs?

Dogs.

39) Are you a competitive person?

Yes.

40) Do you believe in aliens?

I believe in aliens more than I believe in ghosts.

41) Do you like dancing?

Nope, I don’t. I physically can’t lol.

42) What kind of music to you listen to?

Rock, country, emo, rap, all kinds.

43) What is your favorite cartoon character?

Tommy Pickles. He was a pretty smart baby lol.

44) Where are you from?

Vegas.

45) Eat at home or eat out?

Depends on what, and who’s cooking.

46) How much more social are you when you're drunk?

Far less. I don’t talk lol.

47) What was the last thing you bought for yourself?

Books?

48) Why do you think your followers follow you?

Depends on the platform tbh.

49) How many hours do you sleep at night?

Not enough.

50) What worries you most about the future?

That I don’t know what I want or need to get to who I want to be. I don’t even know who I want to be, or what I want to be when I grow up 😂

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advancedimagesblog-mel · 1 year ago

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Blog Post #5

"Tell us about the last thing you purchased..." I would have discussed the real ‘last purchase’ I made, which is either a Venti Starbucks Iced Pumpkin Cream Chai (i’m extremely addicted to these…), or some shirts I bought from Urban Outfitters for my birthday, however, I connected with a topic that was said in class. In class we discussed shoes, and the possibility of someone being so connected to a pair of shoes they never threw them out. That was me, and I genuinely wore a pair of Vans for 7 years straight. I bought these shoes in the 7th grade, and lucky for me that’s when my feet stopped growing. They were a flat shoe, black with a white band, and were SO trendy on tumblr within the aesthetic I was going for; picture vic fuentes emo fans with their vans, cause thats all I wanted to be. I bought them with my own money after years of wearing Walmart knock offs, and I loved them. I wore them while finishing elementary school, all throughout highschool, and even into my year off of school where I just worked. Originally, purchasing these shoes meant that I would be slightly trendy and cooler than I was. It also ‘symbolised’ fitting in, and showing I had the money to be able to afford something that wasn’t a knock off, even though I bought them on sale for less than $50 dollars. At the time, I was mainly focused on looking cooler, but all the points above still stand. I personally wanted to fit into a certain style and aesthetic and bought the shoes to match it; the shoes themselves are supposed to be skater shoes, but were adopted by emo kids as their favourite bands wore them. I absolutely loved those shoes, and I actually still have them. I wore them everyday and it became a kind of joke with my friends and family that I would never throw them away. After 7 years, the shoes became faded, turning a shade of brown from being sun bleached. I wore holes in the soles of the shoes, and yet continued to wear them. The band became a dull cream, and was beginning to separate from the black fabric. The symbol of self expression turned into a hoarder style problem I have; I keep literally everything and will use it until it’s broken, which makes me incredibly sad. They also became a symbol of being broke to literally everyone but me. I had more than enough money to buy a new pair of shoes, but I didn’t want to. I loved the shoes even though they were getting old. Eventually, my mom forced me to buy a new pair. The shoes were causing back pain and were genuinely eating holes in my socks. We were going on a trip to Italy and she said she wouldn’t bring me if I brought the shoes. I decided to not get another pair of vans, but instead, get a pair of Converse. The same genre of shoe in my brain, but something slightly different. It took a lot of arguing to get me to buy the shoes (AND FOR NO REASON, LIKE 7 YEARS IS GROSS…), but I eventually caved and bought the shoes I’m currently wearing. These shoes have lasted quite well, besides the laces needing to be replaced after a summer of working in a bar. Now I have hello kitty laces ;-) I still miss my old shoes and the life I had with them. They took me many places and were with me throughout my teenage years. But now I have new jokes with my converse; like how long it takes to lace them up, and how I’m always the last to leave because of it. I also have new experiences with them, like my trip to italy, and the first dates I had with my boyfriend. I hope I can keep my converse for the same amount of time, and maybe I just buy a new pair of shoes for every new phase of my life.

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carryingthebanner · 2 years ago

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Newsies as Things My Family and I Have Said

Crutchie: I’m cold.

Kid Blink: Go sit in the dryer and put it on gentle cycle.

*Finishes cleaning the couch*

Race: Ok I’m done, so this couch should be nice and lickable.

Albert: *Bursts into Pulitzer’s office*

Hello, old people! I hope your bones still work today.

Elmer: Is that eggnog?

Crutchie: No, that’s gravy.

Romeo: *starts crying because of gift*

Specs: And the Emmy for best actor goes to…*passes sparkling cider as if it were an award*

*another dramatic gift reaction, this time from Tommy Boy*

Albert: And the Emmy for best supporting actor goes to…

*Watching a movie*

Katherine: Oh look, it’s my favorite himbo!

Jack: …

*family member walks in that Henry somewhat recognizes and someone says her name*

Henry: Wait is that Hannah who makes the cakes?

Darcy: Yes, Henry.

Henry: Les, that’s Hannah who makes the cakes.

Les: What cakes?!

Henry: The fancy ones!

Les: *panicking* What fancy cakes?!

Race: *sighs.* When in doubt, just call her a cousin.

Henry: Fair enough.

Les: Ask Medda who her dad is.

*Hannah standing directly across from Medda talking to someone else*

Henry: Hey Medda, who’s-

Les: Shhh!

Henry: *lipsyncs* Who’s her dad?

*finds out she’s their second cousin*

Race: WHAT DID I SAY-

Katherine: Jack, say something to the baby!

Jack: What am I supposed to say?!

Katherine: You could recite the entire plot of an anime and he literally wouldn’t care.

Spot: *wakes up and comes to the kitchen at 5:50 PM* Can I have breakfast?

*Finch has been pacing around the kitchen and finally sits down*

Smalls: Enjoyed your walk?

Mike: How big is this baby, 25 pounds?

Ike: You, who lifts weights, think that this 5 month old is anywhere near 25 pounds?

Mike: …

Ike: This baby is literally only one pound less than the turkey.

Romeo: *Wearing a birthday button with his name on it*

Katherine: Happy birthday, Romeo!

Romeo *freaking out*: Jack, how’d she know my name?

Race: I am crying, shaking, throwing up over the lack of deep conditioner.

Elmer: Wait, really?

Race: No, but I feel like it.

Davey: Say goodbye to the baby!

Les: Um… bye little dude.

Davey: No, walk over to him and say it.

Les: No.

Davey: *calls baby’s mother* Make him say bye to the baby!

Bowery Beauty: LES, YOU BETTER SAY GOODBYE TO MY BABY!

Katherine: I’m going to rip my uterus out with my bare hands.

Sarah: *blinks*

Race: *talking to baby’s father* Goodnight, *baby’s name*.

Race: Wait no - my bad.

Mush: Yeah because when I had a conversation with Spot…

*silence with also a lot of confusion and awkwardness*

Hot Shot: It seems like there were some things that weren’t supposed to be said.

Spot: Yeah, that conversation was private.

Davey: I’m so confused - nothing has been said???

Race: THE TEA IS HOT.

JoJo: *grateful sniffles* I was going to go to Walmart and buy me this gift-

Crutchie: Then buy it and reimburse us then.

*gets the same exact gift when they also have a lot of the same stuff*

Buttons: Ahh! We get to be Bobbsey twins again!

Sniper: Please stop.

Medda: You were valedictorian in college.

Davey: Wow.

Katherine: Wait - what? You’ve never told me that.

Jack: I was valedictorian in junior high school, Medda.

Buttons: *cracks egg* It’s a boy!

#half of this was said over the holidays #the other half has been sitting in my drafts for god knows how long-#newsies #incorrect newsies quotes #newsies incorrect quotes #jack kelly #fansies #katherine plumber #david jacobs #racetrack higgins #crutchie morris #celeste’s posts

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localtransdude · 2 years ago

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Hi! I came across your blog because of an old post you made about transmasc outfits. I am very short (almost 5'2) and I'm also skinny, but my thighs are quite big (genetics, I think). Men's clothes are too big for me, but I feel awkward wearing boy's clothes, even though I can get away with it because I'm still a teen. Shorts are a nightmare because there are too loose on my waist and too tight on my thighs. Do you have any tips? (sorry to bother, as well)

Hey brother, so I’m also right around your height, and I can’t recommend wrangler enough. For pants, they have a lot of room in the hip and thigh area while still fitting the whole leg, but you’re best bet is going to be to get the tailored for the length (easy tutorials online, my mom worked in a fabric store so she usually helps me). Given our height, pants are hard to find for that reason. Shorts on the other hand can be more finicky as you said. I’ve found a lot of luck in Walmart shorts (George brand), they tend to run a little wider in the leg but don’t balloon like others.

Less fashionable, but honest life savers early in my transition were cargo shorts. They were always roomier in the thigh. My problem area has always been more my hips than my thighs, but these did wonders and I’d assume for you, they might hide your thigh bulk with the pockets, giving the illusion that that’s what’s making your thighs bulkier.

There’s no shame in wearing boys clothes, esp at your height. My dad wears child size beanies. I have pajama pants from the boys section and one of my favorite long sleeves is an XL in boys. I stayed wearing stuff in the boys section until I was well into 16. By then my body kinda bulked out.

With that figure and height and just being trans, we don’t have lots and lots of outfit options or clothes options, but when we find them, they’re gold. You just have to keep looking, and keep what you find so you can grow what you have. A little mundane but hey, it means we won’t fall into fast fashion right? Lmao, best of luck king, if you need anything else dw just send away

#ask #ftm

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diamond-coral · 4 years ago

Text

The Heist- Part One

dark!Steve Rogers x Reader

You were just supposed to rob a government official’s apartment. Not Captain America’s. Right?

Series Warnings: Dark, Rape/Non-Con, kidnapping, strip club stuff, swearing

Chapter Warnings: Mentions of a strip club, swearing, committing crime ig, nothing much really.

You sure as hell weren’t a criminal. Well- your record would say otherwise, but it’s not like this was your dream profession. You wouldn’t call yourself a criminal. More of a Walmart Robin Hood; stealing from the rich and giving too...well...yourself. Fine. You were a criminal. But a girl had to pay the bills. At least you got to stick it to the man, right?

You let out a sigh while evaluating your life choices. It wasn’t every little girl’s dream to be breaking into houses and apartments for some cash or valuable possessions. Technically, you were an artist by day, going to art school in New York, living the aesthetically pleasing dream of student loans and a sky-high rent that your shifts at the strip club were hardly making a dent in. But hey, at least one time you got to dance for Captain America, even if he was reluctant and a bit shy. You were certain very few women could say the same.

And that’s how you found yourself in the elevator of a cozy apartment complex, traveling upward toward your new objective. Bella, your roommate, literal partner in crime, and the only good thing that came out of socializing with your coworkers at the club, had given you a new lead of a man who was supposedly loaded and yet lived in an accessible and modest living space. He was single, and worked some sort of political job that left his apartment constantly vacant, specifically on the day you planned for your heist. A perfect target. Some corrupt government worker who wanted to live a ‘low profile life’ yet was dumb enough to settle down in a complex who’s only security was a couple cameras and guards. Bella would easily be able to freeze the frames on the cameras for an hour, giving security the false pretense that the hallways were empty and giving you the perfect window to snatch some fancy watches and some cash.

The elevator doors opened right as you received a text message from Bella.

Cameras taken care of. Now go pay our rent ;)

You exited the elevator only to collide with a blonde woman carrying a laundry basket.

“Oh god, I’m so clumsy I’m so sorry!” she exclaimed while bending down to pick up the clothes that had fallen out of the basket.

You bent down to help her collect her clothing. “No, I’m so sorry! That was completely my fault!” You offered a smile as you stood back up, but was met with a calculating gaze as she studied you.

“I’m sorry, are you new around here?” She seemed to catch herself and her demeanor changed. “It’s just, I’ve never seen you around here before.” She gave a small smile.

“Oh ,I’m just a girlfriend!” you replied. “Just stopping by.”

“Are you Steve’s girlfriend?” she asked while gesturing to the door at the end of the hallway with her head. It was your target’s door. So the political scumbag’s name was Steve. Lovely. “I don’t think he’s home right now.”

Your brain churned out a fast response. “Yeah, I know. Unfortunately for me, he’s always working. I just left my purse, and he gave me his keys to stop by and pick it up.”

“Well I’m just glad he’s found someone with all his work. I know it’s been hard for him.”

The two of you exchanged one last goodbye smile before she stepped into the elevator.

“I’m Sharon by the way. And you are...?”

“Olivia,” you replied, the fake name came out as a second nature as the elevator doors closed.

You let out the breath you’d been holding.

“Well that could’ve gone worse,” you mutter to yourself as you approach the door at the end of the hallway.

You slipped the lock picker out of your sleeve before checking your surroundings cautiously. A minute after proceeding to insert the pick into the lock, a soft click resounded from the wooden door, and it easily swung open with a turn of the knob.

As you entered through the doorway, you took into account the little bits of vintage decoration that was dispersed amongst more modern furniture. A small Uncle Sam poster, a couple of war antiques, and some old photos with figures that remained unrecognizable in the distance. This government official seemed to have fought either in World War II or Vietnam, probably making him old. You shuddered at the fact you’d called yourself his girlfriend, but Sharon hadn’t seemed to bat an eye. Either way, you didn’t care for antiques, as much as they would have sold for a hefty price. They were probably personal to him and as you walked around, you realized there were quite a few personal items that were no use for you. As you walked into the bedroom a glint from the dresser caught your eyes, and your chest filled with giddiness and excitement as you neared. Three beautiful watches were on display under the mirror that sat atop the dresser. A Cartier that would probably sell for 8,000, a Rolex that would go for 10,000 easily, and then a beautiful older Rolex. With careful hands you snatched up the two newer watches and placed them into the small knapsack you’d been carrying. After consideration, you decided to leave the older one as it probably held a sentimental value and wouldn’t give you as much money as the other two.

You walked around some more, occasionally picking up valuables like solid gold tie clips and little pieces of Stark technology, which you were surprised he had. You had to be filthy rich to support, much less afford, anything made by that war profiteer. You picked up stashes of cash lying around, which seemed to be a lot. This man definitely seemed to use cash more than credit card which wasn’t as common around people your age. As you were rummaging around his study for any pieces of fine art (which you had already gotten two of) or government documents you could sell on the black market, you knocked over a picture frame which had landed on a file that read CLASSIFIED in red letters...right under the six letters that spelled S.H.I.E.L.D. This fucker was a S.H.I.E.L.D official. You were gonna kill Bella for the vague intel.

“Shit I need to get out of here,” you mumbled. Senators and representatives were fine targets, all usually too old and skeevy for you to care about, but a S.H.I.E.L.D. official was dangerous and could get you somewhere worse than jail. Hell, you could’ve accidentally broken into Nick Fury’s place. You were screwed. So screwed. And you needed to get the hell out of this apartment. As you went to put the picture back, you glanced at it, before doing a double take and squinting at it in the dark room. Oh. This was much worse than accidentally breaking into Nick Fury’s place.

The two men laughing with an arm around each other in war uniforms with an arm around one another was innocent enough until you could finally make out their faces. Steve Rogers an easy enough one to make out, especially considering you were on his lap a couple weeks ago, and James Buchanan Barnes looked practically unrecognizable without a murderous glare on his face.

“No,” you muttered before quickly placing the picture back down.

You once again assessed your surroundings. It all made sense. The subtle 1940’s vibe, the war antiques. Bella had said he did work for the government and that wasn’t a lie. In the corner of the room you spotted a large circular leather case that was partially unzipped. Through the slight opening of the brown leather, the red, blue, and glinting bright silver was unmistakable.

“No, no, no, fuck,” you muttered frantically as you checked your watch. You still had 38 minutes before the security cameras in the hall unfroze. That was enough time to put everything you stole back. You’d much rather work open to close shifts at the club every day for three months straight than get fucked over by Captain Fucking America.

You scrambled out of the study, moving to the living room first to put back the authentic paintings. You grabbed a stool from the high bar counter in the kitchen so you could rehang the medium sized work of art. Your mind was racing. This had to be karma for all the horrible shit you’d done in the past. God decided he had enough of your delinquent shenanigans and set you marching straight into the arms of America’s righteous hero. As you finished hanging the painting you spun around on your heel, completely forgetting you were on a wobbly wooden stool. Your heart stopped for a moment before you regained your footing. Carefully climbing down the stool, you almost missed the subtle turn of a lock coming from the door.

Oh you were so done for. Your limbs flew everywhere as you scrambled to the bedroom, sliding under the bed right as you heard the door open. The rumble of Steve Roger’s voice was clear as he talked on the phone and it cut through the walls from the living room.

“Well yea Buck, obviously Tony’s gonna be a little cold toward you. Not that I blame him. I’m just thankful he didn’t start an entire civil war over it. I guess it’s just a good thing we’re not war criminals.” He let out a chuckle before pausing. “Hey Buck? Yeah. I’m gonna have to call you back.” Another pause and you heard some rummaging around. “Why? I think my apartment was just broken into. I gotta go down to security. Yeah, thanks bud.”

Steve hung up and you heard some angry muttering as he walked into his room. From under the bed you saw his tennis shoes and dark jeans as he paced at the foot of the bed. You covered your mouth to stop your anxious breathing, afraid he’d hear you from your hiding spot.

The few minutes he spent in his room felt like eternity before he stomped out and you heard the opening and closing of another door as he exited the apartment. You crawl out from under the bed, your head spinning as you attempted to think of a way out of your predicament.

The window.

Quickly and quietly, you stood up and made your way to his bedroom window, looking out for a fire escape and letting out an annoyed huff when you saw none.

‘Maybe there’s one for the living room window,’ your brain chimed.

You rushed to the living room, scooping up the two watches and your empty knapsack on your way, and almost screamed with joy at the sight of the fire escape next to the window. Your fingers curled around the bottom of it and give it a sharp tug up, opening it just enough for you to squeeze through.

Just as you were about to lift your leg over the ledge and climb down the stairs to sweet sweet freedom, being able to forget about everything that ever happened tonight, a large hand wrapped around the back of your neck and wrenched you back with such force that you tumbled backwards and landed on your butt.

He was massive. Six feet of pure muscle towered over you as you trembled from your position on the floor. He squatted down, resting his elbows on his knees as he took you in, blue eyes practically cutting through the darkness, and you let out a small whimper.

“Didn’t your mother ever tell you stealing is wrong?”

#dark!steve rogers #dark!steve x reader #steve rogers x reader

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ff7-has-taken-me-over · 3 years ago

Text

So I watched all the animated resident evil films on a whim and they’re so stupid and horribly animated but they’re a really good watch. Not for like genuine movie watching purposes but because they’re something light and enjoyable to make fun of and have playing in the background.

But anyway! I watched them completely out of whack (same as the games honestly) so the latest one I watched ended up being Damnation and can I just say, Sasha x Leon? 👌 nice.

That’s not what I’m here for though! I was so fuckin sad they killed JD off after all of that. He was so adorable and loved Leon’s American ass and I just found it so cute. So I thought of a small trope that weirdly hasn’t been done. (It probably has honestly and I’m just looking in the wrong tags)

It’s super basic and just gives Leon a god damn proper break without Hunnigan calling him out for a mission. But in it it’s just him flying JD and Sasha over to America (because what else is he going to use his government pay on )and showing them around Washington and New York.

JD fucking loves it and looks like a literal child whenever he shows him anything new. He also turns into one of those cliche tourists that gets anything and everything that has the American flag on it, but it’s honestly adorable.

Sasha seems rather indifferent but it’s obvious how much he’s enjoying himself and how much he enjoys seeing his best friend so happy. Leon’s finding it quite fun as well, quite happily spending his money on them and doing whatever the hell they want.

They stay with him because his apartment’s big enough to host them. He made sure to buy a big one in case Chris or someone decided to come over or if his mission partner needed a place to crash and they lived too far away. It had come in handy more times then he could count honestly.

There was the slight issue of Leon actually being a room short because he had forgotten to clean it out after his last mission but after a lot of debate (and endless teasing from JD about it) Leon and Sasha ended up sharing his bed.

The latter had refused to let Leon take the couch in his own home and Leon refused to make Sasha sleeping in anything less than a decent bed after shooting him. So they compromised.

Shit slowly develops between the two and JD, the lovely guy that he is, simply smiles and tells them to hang out while he goes to Walmart for some food (something he seems unreasonably excited about)

You get the gist from there. But I just- ugh! Was so sad they killed JD off like that. I should’ve seen it coming because it’s Res and they always kill the best friend of whoever Leon’s partnering up with but still. It sucks.

#resident evil #resident evil damnation #Leon Kennedy #alexander kozachenko #JD #the American tour JD wanted #JD is adorable #Leon gets a break #Sasha is reluctant #JD ships it #Leon x Alexander #Leon x Sasha #leon is a twink and you can’t tell me no #what a tag

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tiffyfoundsomething · 4 years ago

Photo

Alright! This is more in line with my usual reviews.

I’m working on a big batch of MLP including a good number of ponies to be deflocked, and like everyone else, I always need more monies. So here’s my deflocking kit, with some affiliate links. You can just as easily go to Walmart and Dollar Tree to get this stuff.

To get a pony from flocked to deflocked, it takes some hot water and elbow grease.

I use a Farberware electric kettle to quickly heat up some water.

https://amzn.to/3bUrm5O

That kettle is fine for cleaning water, but despite the main container being glass the water does end up smelling and tasting like plastic. No good for making tea or anything like that.

That doesn’t get the glue off, though, just most of the fuzz. Heat makes the glue let go of the flocking, and having it be wet helps keep it from going just everywhere.

I like to use a basic sieve and some paper towels to filter my deflocking water so it doesn’t all end up in the drains or in the ocean. It goes in the trash, instead.

Kind of gross.

To get the glue off, I use my bestest best friend L.A.’s Totally Awesome concentrate at full concentration/undiluted.

https://amzn.to/2OkjsKA

It’s like $13/gal on Amazon, and $4/gal if you go to Dollar Tree and buy 4 1-quart bottles.

I have tried skipping the hot water and rubbing part and going straight to T.A., but the flocking protects the glue from the cleanser, so you do still have to do the hot water part first.

Deflocking is not a fast process.

I put a little bit of T.A. in the bottom of a container and let the parts soak a while. The containers I use aren’t special. This one’s an empty Oxy Clean tub, and I also use the ones that lunch meat comes in.

The thing I like about L.A.’s Totally Awesome is that it will remove lots of annoying glues like MLP flocking glue and Mattel’s nasty head glue (like in some Monster High and Barbie dolls) but NOT remove the factory paint the way acetone will. I’ve watched a bunch of deflocking tutorial videos and it seems like everyone else uses acetone for unpainted areas and paint thinner for painted areas.

Skip all that and get some Totally Awesome. T.A. is also kind of stinky, but not harmfully fumey so you can use it indoors unlike the paint thinner I keep seeing being recommended.

T.A. is effective at dissolving the glue without damaging the paint, BUT getting the glue off still takes a good bit of elbow grease.

I scrub with a stiff, nylon fingernail brush, a hard toothbrush (bought at Dollar Tree, I think, might have been Walmart), and this little serrated sculpting tool that I don’t remember where I got it. I don’t want to post a link to another plastic sculpting tool set that might have a less suitable scraper that ends up damaging someone’s pony. This one has gentle, rounded teeth that aren’t sharp and is pliable enough that I can’t push hard enough to scratch the vinyl.

Sometimes I do have to go back with a cotton swab and some acetone to get particularly stubborn spots.

Important note:

Wear gloves. This stuff isn’t going to burn you if you touch it for a moment and then rinse it off, but deflocking takes time and you will get a chemical burn if it’s on you for a long time.

Mine are like these:

https://amzn.to/3kDBmEo

Get textured, reusable kitchen gloves. Sometimes the best tool for getting off the glue is rubbing with your thumb (same goes for the flocking in the hot water and scrub part), and textured gloves work a little better than smooth ones.

You can see I cuff my gloves. That keeps cleanser or dirty dish water or whatever from running up your arms if you raise your hands a bit.

Another important note:

While T.A. won’t hurt the factory paint USUALLY, it does dry out the hair. I don’t worry about that because every doll or pony I work on gets conditioner treatment regardless.

But, yeah! That’s my basic deflocking kit. I like that it’s only one chemical and that L.A’s Totally Awesome not only is safe for factory paint, but has other uses within my doll repairing hobby.

It’s also a pretty decent household cleanser, though I don’t care for the scent.

#mlp #my little pony #deflocking #doll repair #product review #affiliate links

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bbhyeoliskooks · 4 years ago

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I lovveeee your work!!! I have read like everything lol! You’re a great writer, can I request a slow dancing scenario??? Thank you have a great day❤️❤️

˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩ 𝐃𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 ✩•̩̩͙* ˚

➶ TXT’s Reaction to Slow Dancing with You

•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩

Genre: literally 200 cups of fluff and maybe a pinch of angst if you squint

Warnings: Unedited, long cheesy stuff but other than that, none !

Song: Domino

(Ahhhh ><, thank you so much ~! This is so sweet of you to say and I hope you have a great day too 🥺💞 i’m so sorry that it took so long but I worked really hard on this one ++ got super carried away so you’d like it ! And since you didn’t request a member, I just decided to do all five in scenario format so you can have all princes hehe~~ anyway, i hope you like this ! ps i rlly popped off on soobin i swear 🗿🗿)

•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩

˚⁺‧. Yeonjun: ˚⁺‧.

Yeonjun was the sweetest boyfriend one could ever ask for.

You wouldn’t have believed it back then that the boy you met at a store as a soon to be fellow classmate would be your boyfriend in the future, the one who gave you surprise kisses out of nowhere just because he wanted to.

Well ever since you were children, you’d been best friends thanks to your parents chatting it up a storm whenever there was a party or if they met up randomly in the food aisles of Walmart. It was so boring that you would just rather choose to run away into the toy section to find some amusing things like slime or mud perfume, for example. You always hated waiting for them to finish talking about school and children by yourself as you searched for something fun to play with, and when you saw a boy your age with wide, sparkling eyes gazing at you as if you were a nice toy- that was the start of the roller coaster you could call of being Choi Yeonjun’s best friend.

Two years later after that incident, you could vividly remember the way he asked you to be his wife in the future with a cherry ring pop in hand. It was during recess and most of the other children never bothered with him during that time even if he was one of the popular kids. He was always talking about you, talking about how cool you were even if the two of you found some dirt and cherries from the tree to make mud potions with. Adorable five year old Yeonjun took your tiny hand into his and asked you to marry him due to the times you experienced together like running away from the teacher because she looked like a scary green monster or getting yelled at home together since you wandered off by yourselves. Now you couldn’t lie- the only reason you said yes was to eat it later when you got home. But years later, both of you never took it seriously, you had just assumed it was something silly children did in order to act like grownups. Because of this, you could say you truly grew up together and it was so fond to see how the two of you were in fate stuck together, hip by hip.

High school was so much fun with him, and college was just the same. Besides studying, Yeonjun always made all of your moments in school happy no matter how sad you were. He’d walk and pick you up generously, even waiting after every single chore you volunteered to do for the teacher plus the clubs you attended to. That didn’t mean he kept whining about how much stuff you had to do. The complaining he had when you dragged him along to the library was quite the endearing bunch though, but you wouldn’t be able to give up any second you had of him. He was always right there, right beside your side where you always wanted him to stay.

And as inevitable as it was, there were countless people whom you loved and lost, but every single time Yeonjun would thankfully be there for you, handing you tissues when you were a mess in bed, spiraling out of control thanks to what love did. Likewise it was the same for you and whenever Yeonjun had a problem with his significant other- plus they eventually broke off- you would always care for him and give him the love that they failed to give. You both figured that life would be fine together as long as you had each other... and maybe that was the push that finally brought you together.

Every single date and argument you had with him only pressed you closer and there was never a dull moment when the two of you were together. You were deeply and irrevocably in love with him and you knew down in your heart that he clearly felt the same way. Choi Yeonjun, although he wore you out whenever he asked for mint ice cream at 1am on a weekday, was the best boyfriend one could ever ask for.

There was no doubt about it; who wouldn’t give up their entire life just to marry him? Maybe you would ask him or maybe he asked you but knowing him, he would definitely surprise you with the big news whenever you were ready.

You opened the door after shopping by yourself for a few gifts for Yeonjun- after all, it was your four year anniversary. The front door creaked when you did so, and you winced at the sound which gave your presence away. Great, now the surprise was ruined... however, Yeonjun standing there with a grin on his face was more than good enough- perfect enough that you were left breathless in awe.

He was dressed up, adorned in a black suit that immediately reminded you of the time he first took you out on a date for a fancy dinner. It was perfect. A spotless black tie and everything, you knew he really did his best with the outfit so you would like it. His messy hair was the complete opposite of his tidied up suit, but you weren’t complaining. He still looked as dashing as ever and it made your heart stop in place when he shot you one of those sweet grins, filling up your entire chest with pure love.

You hastily dropped the gifts on the counter, frowning at the difference between the two of you. In a rush to get the presents after a long day of work, you were in your uniform- something that definitely didn’t suit your liking at all. Your anniversary celebration was supposed to be perfect, but here you were ruining it all with your tardiness and clothing.

In response, Yeonjun’s eyes fell upon the many wrapped up gifts you had taken upon yourself to amaze him with, and you thought he was going to open them due to curiosity. Instead he just took your hand and pulled you to the living room where there was more space, his hand shuffling comfortably to wrap against your waist.

“Let’s open them later, right now I just want to dance with the love of my life.”

The living room showed how much effort he put into the celebration. You admired the scenery, wondering how long it took for him to do it. With lit, rose scented candles, red petals of the same gorgeous flower sprinkled on the carpet, a soft instrumental of the song “Can’t Help Falling in Love” playing delicately through his speaker, you came to adore the boy in front of you so much more. His words said a lot about loving you already, but when you looked at his actions, it sized up to merely nothing.

“Jjunie, I look like a mess. Won’t you allow me to prepare first before we dance? You put all of this effort for me and I don’t even look good for it,” you muttered quietly, too quiet that you were sure he didn’t hear it. Oh but he did, and he was left feeling a bit somber about your confidence. In that moment he wished he was able to see how much he loved you regardless of your appearance.

In doing so he pulled you closer, letting you lean comfortably on his shoulder as the two of you swayed gently back and forth. You melted into his embrace, holding him just as much as he did. The chuckle from his chest almost sounding mocking, and he in turn slowly shook his head for the answer. You sighed, knowing how stubborn he was about things like this but at least you gave a try.

Now Yeonjun was pulling you flush against his chest but still rocking you back and forth with him to the rhythm of the song. You hid your face into any part of him you were able to find, feeling embarrassed that he could still make you feel like a teenager in love. Every day was like this with him trying to make you turn into a burning tomato, but gosh did it still get all the heat explode in your face.

His breath hitched against your ear, practically nipping on it delicately as if you were the most fragile thing on Earth. You shuddered when his voice conjured up a whisper.

“And what makes you think that? To me, you’re the most beautiful person ever and I wouldn’t think any less of it. You’re perfect to me- I’m in love with the prettiest baby there could ever be and I’m glad to call them mine.”

You bit your lip at his words, knowing fully well that it was genuine.

“I know you tell me this every second with me, but how can I be so sure? Growing up with you was such a blessing and I’m happy as well to be able to receive it, but I’m sure you would fall for someone better.”

“Please, Y/N,” he muttered with sparkles in his eyes, “I only see you. I only want you. And I need only you in order to smile like I do every moment we’re together. I wouldn’t ever be able to get on with life without you, can’t you see? I’m nothing without you and you’re the only person who’s made me this happy.

“Everyday I’m more than grateful to be able to be with you and I know I don’t deserve such a beautiful person like you, inside and out. I still remember chasing you around the playground one Friday and pulling on your pigtails to the point where you cried. I never told you this but I swore to myself that I wouldn’t make someone I loved like you cry ever again like that. How silly was I to not know that the love of my life was in front of me at that moment?”

Saying this he leveled to the ground, bending down on one knee as you gasped in shock. What was he doing?

“I don’t ever want to lose you- I wouldn’t be able to afford it if I ever did. I just want to be with the one and only person who completes me. The one and only person who I can count on whenever I’m sick with the flu. The one and only person who takes me out to mint ice cream at 1am. The one and only person I could really call mine. The one and only person who I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

His hand shuffled in his pocket before pulling a tiny box out and he opened it, showing a tiny sparkling, ring with a resplendent diamond on the top. Not a ring pop, but a real one. You covered your mouth with your shaking hands, feeling a tear fall against your cheek. His eyes were glistening just like the first time you met him and your eyes were the same as his, tearing up because of his sincere words that were nothing less of the truth.

“So to the person whom I love more than anyone I’ll ever be able to and my true first love... will you marry me?”

He waited for your answer but you just jumped up and pressed your lips against his, showing how much you needed him in a passionate kiss.

“Y-yes,” you gasped with all your breath, “I’ll marry you, Yeonjun.”

•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩

˚⁺‧. Soobin: ˚⁺‧.

Soobin was absolutely intolerable.

If teasing you in class in front of everyone even if it was something he viewed as lighthearted, calling you weird in front of a person that you really liked and proceeded to tell the embarrassing stories of when you were both in freshman year, and even picking you up- quite literally- when you were getting a bit too close with another person, then that was it.

You were so tired of the tricks he was pulling, laughing when you talked back with a frustrated tone or pushing him on the chest whenever it got too much. No matter how many times you told him to screw off after a bad or good day alike, he wouldn’t listen. He must’ve been deaf or something, that’s for sure- because the amount of times you caught him staring at you was just exhausting.

And you could imagine it- almost every day at school was like this, and you certainly had enough. When will he ever learn to leave you alone? Just a day, you prayed with all your soul throughout the years of high school. Just a day. Please...? However, a life without Soobin was too much of wishful thinking and you knew it entirely deep down. But jeez, was it enough for you to go one day of class without him bothering you incessantly?

As you slid your outfit on for prom, you thought of the first time you met him.

It was a lie to say he was the most grotesque, disgusting person you’d ever laid eyes on. It was totally a lie. So much of a lie that God wouldn’t allow you into heaven for saying something so wrong.

Yes, you had to admit it: Choi Soobin, your one and only enemy was just the cutest.

Well at first... you thought he was adorable. Puffy, mochi cheeks that reminded you much of like a bunny’s munching on soft bread at the table in front of yours, you swore you could say back then that he was the one you were waiting for all your life in your teenage mind that is. He always shot you a kind smile that only radiated warmth and maybe if you weren’t too shy to say something, then the two of you could’ve been great friends or possibly something more. But as always you stayed next to your friends, wanting hopelessly that he would be the first person to make the move. That saying by itself was too much though. If he wasn’t such a jerk, then you were sure you would’ve already fallen in love with him by now.

Events like this piled on you every week and you found yourself staring at him every lunch as he did the same. The eye contact felt like electricity whenever it happened. You were entirely entranced by the boy before you, gazing wishfully that you two would actually get to know each other. You were dying to know what secrets lied under those doe eyes and fresh handsome face, not even able to eat your lunch from how concentrated you were of him. Plus he wasn’t intimidating in the sense many people think, it’s just that you were afraid he was going to judge you when you obviously liked him that much. Every now and then you would catch yourself staring at him during the classes you had with him, and that already said a lot.

Now here comes the worst part. The absolute worst part that wrecked your very important first impression of yourself to him.

The story goes like this. You weren’t watching your step after finishing your lunch tray, thoughtlessly bringing it towards the garbage can right across the corner. And with that you weren’t looking who was in front of you, trying to throw his trash away in the opposite trash can on the other side of the room. Unfortunately, with him coming right at you and with you looking towards the ceiling at the ball somehow lodged under the pipes, you crashed into him food and all flying everywhere... and at the boy you tried so hard to talk to.

Okay, so maybe you deserved all of this torment.

Soobin’s cheeks were so red when the tray made a clamorous sound of a clunk and all of the people in the room slowly realizing, started to laugh at the scene in the middle of the room. The glare he sent you gave you shivers down your back as you kept profusely apologizing, trying to wipe away the food on his uniform shirt to no avail. It was like hell to you, and you had never felt so embarrassed in front of a boy your whole entire life.

Soobin just furrowed his eyebrows at your shaky apologies, bending down to hand you your tray. Like a fool, your heart was pounding in your chest when he pushed the tray into your arms as you murmured yet another sorry. The napkins were useless. Obviously he wasn’t able to take it but out of all the chaos, you could hear him whisper something of “meet me in front of the school gate after school” into your ears.

And you being the worst person you were after spilling rice all over him just had to do it out of guiltiness. For sure you didn’t know what you were getting into as soon as he opened his mouth, giving you a list of chores just for the fun of it. Getting a can of coke for him at the very top school floor because the vending machine there was somehow better than the other ones, buying him a new shirt even when he was just kidding about it, letting him do your hair for a day to go to school in was all you needed to do on the list, but the torment kept coming. He never let you live it down and at this point you were

What you weren’t expecting however, was for Soobin to be right there at the dance floor, searching around for someone who wasn’t there. Your heart skipped a beat when you saw him in his raven suit, looking as handsome as ever with his entrancing smirk and grinning eyes. You hushed it down, beating your chest down with a hand when you abruptly heard a familiar voice tug at your ears.

“Ah, Y/N! Thank gosh you look terrible today. I guess I have no choice to be your date today,

Who else could it be?

“Oh, it’s you,” you deadpanned, rolling your eyes when that endearing chuckle rolled by. What were you expecting? It wasn’t as if he was going to stop making fun of you just because this was supposed to be one of the memorable nights in your entire life. You begged to differ though. Awkward and stiff, you hoped that you didn’t stick out like a sore toe in all this fun. Many other students looked like they were having the time of their life, but they were a bit... sweaty and stinky? Mostly the boys but you weren’t paying much attention when Soobin was right in front of you.

“And me- being your date?!” You asked incredulously, looking as if he had committed a crime. “Why me when you literally have the attention of people all over the whole school?”

When you said this his cheeks turned red before he swatted the tint away. Looks like you had an effect on him. You were sure you hit a nerve because he was stuttering now, unable to look in your eyes as if avoiding them would do the trick. You wondered what he was thinking of before his eyes flashed with an unreadable mischievousness.

“Hey, don’t you think we should dance? This opportunity comes only once in our life. And you don’t know what may happen,” he suggested, tugging gently on your hand. You hadn’t even realized he grabbed it but just the feeling of it made your ears turn hot. Anymore of this and you would faint by the end of the night.

In no time, Soobin led you to the dance floor where everyone else was dancing. The music changed little by little and it was finally the time that every couple was waiting for. Grant that you weren’t a couple, but maybe one time you’ll let it slide. He must’ve planned this- to ask you by now; the smirk said everything. You rolled your eyes and just admired the several colors of light reflecting off the disco ball, letting an ardent smile engrave your face. That is, until he spoke up,

“Oh wow, I can’t believe you said yes. I thought you’d slap me because I asked,” he teased, bringing you along the rhythm of his feet.

You scoffed at him, glaring down at the floor and at his polished shoes.

“Well, I should’ve. But I’m not that mean of a person and I wouldn’t want to embarrass you again.”

His hand slowly slid down to your waist almost as if he was teasing you while you just rocked awkwardly, feeling the breath in your lungs deplete little by little from how suddenly gentle he was. You were so caught off guard, almost paralyzed in your spot from how casual he did this, like he had done it every single day of his life.

“Listen, I know you hate me and all, but don’t be so stiff. You know I won’t hurt you,” he whispered gently, taking you into his arms. Your heart clenched at the forbidden feeling called ‘oh my gosh you’re turning into the naive freshman who didn’t at first know Soobin’s colors,’ but your burning throat didn’t allow yourself to say anything. He’d just make fun of you if you opened your mouth to say something.

Instead you swayed along with him, listening to the sweet music the person in charge put on. The voice sounded familiar, sweet and melodic, drifting through the room of many people who stopped to look at the person responsible. You, however, was completely blind to this, only focusing on the fact that you were dancing with your sworn enemy.

Soobin’s hands danced to your waist and you shuddered, biting your lips when he suddenly spoke up.

“Isn’t it a nice song?”

Was he kidding? The more you listened to it, the more you fell in love with it. It sounded soft, so sincere that you were left wanting more. But you couldn’t put your finger on who was singing, although it sounded so damn familiar.

You just nodded, looking at his chest more so than his face. You were too shy to look at him straight in the eyes, those eyes that seemed to smolder you every time you made eye contact with him. It reminded of you before the time you spilled that cursed rice on him, but you didn’t want to think about those memories anymore. It’d only remind you of how perfect everything could’ve turned out and that you wouldn’t have to deal with a boy like him.

Somehow Soobin pulled you even closer, letting his hand linger on your cheek where it stayed. He treated you with the utmost carefulness, cupping your cheek softly like you were the most fragile thing. You melted into it instantly, admiring his warmness and how he could act this way so as to not ruin your night.

“Believe it or not, I wrote this song for you... I asked the DJ to put it on today. It’s funny to me that you can’t even hear your own name in the song. I thought my own voice would sound familiar to you, you silly goose,” he choked out, letting a smile adorn his face when the realization caught onto you.

Wait...

That voice...

Was Soobin?!

And he wrote it for you?!

You instantly connected the dots together, looking at him straight in the eyes now. He was kidding. He had to be. But this...? You weren’t able to comprehend that it was written for you due to the fact you thought he hated you. He hated you, right? With everything he was doing, it was so obvious! You ruined his image in the beginning of the year and if you were put into his shoes, you would’ve hated yourself too. But... but why did the song have to be so loving with cheesy lyrics and the most important to mention, your name!

All this tugging and pulling on your heart- you couldn’t take it! You couldn’t take the signals he kept sending you and then pushing away like you were nothing!

You stopped immediately, making him pause as well.

“Why are you acting like this? Do you genuinely enjoy seeing me frustrated like this? If you do, then it’s not funny. You’re just the worst,” You cried desperately, tearing up as the taste of frustration lingered on your tongue. Explaining yourself when you were mad at him was the worst-- especially when you couldn’t help sobbing along at how upset you were when he said unbelievable, sweet words.

You were about to start on your feet, away from Soobin- away from someone you tried so damn hard to hate after everything he’d done to you, pushing yourself away from his embrace when he grabbed your arm.

Looking at him you could see how genuine he was under those sparkling, doe eyes gazing at you intently with a somber frown. It had seemed like he acknowledged that fact already, but it only made matters worse.

“Y/N, I just... look, it’s so hard for me to say but I... I really, really like you, alright? I’m so in love with you and everything you do for the time I get to see you whether that be in class or at lunch. The way you look, the way you act, the way you carry yourself when things get hard... gosh, don’t you know what you’ve done to my heart? Why did you have to steal it so quickly when we made eye contact for the first time?”

He started leaning in now, but you were standing too still at the confession. It was stupid, but the tears in your eyes were preventing you from saying anything. He must’ve been kidding- he had to be! He had to be lying... he just had to, right? But the heartfelt words being spilled from his lips proved that he was more in love with you than anyone else and he was showing it right now.

And at the most vital moment- just before touching your lips with his- he stopped. Robbed you of whatever was going to happen. Took away what freshman and present you wanted most. He was just close enough that you could feel his breath fan across your lips, almost mocking you of how close you were going to get him.

“Is this okay?” He breathed impatiently, almost glazing his lips against yours to the point where you were considering making the move yourself.

“Yes, yes it is, stupid. And gosh you have to know how whipped I am for you too,” you shakily blurted out, letting him know how much you really liked him as well. Your hands almost covered your big fat mouth from saying much more, but what was done was unfortunately done.

That was it. He knew it now. The whole truth you were dying to let him know. You finally said it and the prolonged silence between the two of you made you want to take back your words, but the way Soobin reacted the moment you said that-

it was enough for him to crash his lips against yours.

•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩

˚⁺‧. Beomgyu: ˚⁺‧.

“My dearest Y/N, what are you doing out here? Please come back with me to the castle; it isn’t safe to be here, you know that.”

Wait... when did he show up here?

And d-dearest? You had to be hearing things!

Immediately you stopped hiding your sullen face in your gloved hands, slowly looking up to see the boy you were thinking of the entire time. In all of his dashing presence, you couldn’t help but notice there was a deep frown on his face. It was almost as if he was disappointed in you leaving, and the remorseful tone in his words made it crystal clear. But it didn’t make any sense at all... how could he be in the secret garden you always came to whenever things got rough? He wouldn’t have known anything about it, not unless he followed you here.

You instantly got up from where you were sitting on the white angel bench, struggling to speak loudly enough for him to hear.

“P-Prince Beomgyu...? Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be there trying to find someone good enough for your betrothed? I thought you didn’t see me... leave...”

Ardently the prince suddenly smiled when you said this, shaking his head in amusement while you scrambled to find words that would fill the empty, comfortable atmosphere. He seemed to be teasing you with his adorable grin, eyes filling with luminous sparkles as the eye contact he kept making with you wouldn’t come to an end. It reminded you of the stars you always wanted to see from up close, the beautiful ones you had studied a few months before with the old books the queen had received years ago when she too was a princess. Yet, you hated how nervous he obviously made you and eventually looked away from his enamoured gaze that held nothing but love.

“I was looking for you, and I guess I looked right. Mind telling me why you’re here now, prince/ss?”

His soft voice warmed your ears all the more, its velvet low timbre echoing through the moonlight as he took a few steps towards you. He reached out his hand easily, waiting for you to take it but you just weren’t able to, not with what happened back there. The look on your face must’ve been priceless when you sensed he was coming closer and you instinctively took a few steps back, unfortunately tripping onto one of the rose bush vines and falling backwards.

Preparing to fall to your ultimate demise, you shut your eyes tightly- not caring if you died right then and there. It wouldn’t matter much anyway, right? What a pretty way to die, right there in front of whom you wanted to call your beloved.

“Hey, be careful!”

In a split second, you felt someone’s arms wrap around your torso, their hands holding tightly around your waist so you wouldn’t fall. It felt way too familiar to you and you opened your eyes, gasping once you saw who saved you.

Filling your ears again was the warm, tender voice of Prince Beomgyu who stared right down at you with concern in his expression. You looked up to him with wide eyes, wondering when he was going to level you to the ground as expected. However, it seemed like he wasn’t going to do just that yet; you could see the mischievousness in the smug smirk he was wearing. Then to keep you secure, he brought you closer towards him but didn’t dare to let go of his comfortable position over your waist.

“You just proved my point,” he murmured, “Why did you come out here when you know it isn’t safe here in the first place, dear?”

The moonlight glistened across his face, showing radiantly his beauty as the heart caged in your chest performed several flips. It was always like this whenever you saw him... wherever, really, at the balls or whenever his family made a trip to Amaryllis Kingdom. Before shuffling away from him on your own accord your eyes flickered to his lips, exhausted to see how much you were entranced by him.

“Why did I come out here? And you’re calling me, your dear?! With all due respect, will you stop acting like you do not know?”

You scoffed tiredly at his words, dusting yourself off as you pushed him away from you. The pent up frustration was clear in your voice and you almost felt guilty for him, if not for what he did back there. What was he expecting to say when you were angry solely at his actions? An okay? An agreement to go to the castle again when he was more interested in what your best friend had to say?

He shot an incredulous look at you, furrowing his eyebrows until they knit sourly together. “What are you saying? I’m flabbergasted here! Tell me what’s been going on so I can make it better!”

You shook your head back and forth rapidly, pursing your lips as he inched towards you through little steps.

“If you wanted to make it better, then you shouldn’t have avoided me like I was the plague! It’s been such a long time seeing you after the last ball, and I- I miss you terribly... I just don’t understand why you had to leave me to seek out my friend.” Your voice became as quiet as a mouse squeaking when you neared towards the end of your words, holding back at yelling at him when it really wasn’t his fault for finding someone better for his betrothed anyway. It didn’t mean it hurt any less still, knowing that you were so close to the chance of loving someone so sweet and caring like him.

Beomgyu reached out to you tenderly and this time you took it silently without complaint, watching as he pressed a few kisses on the top of your hand. How could someone cause you to feel so many things in a minute, making your anger vanish the second he let those words fly out of his lips?

“That wasn’t what I meant to do, prince/ss...”

In a crumbling motion, the rest of your resentment dissipated and dripped into the puddle right beside you. It slowly became into a sadness that even his smile wouldn’t be able to heal, showing you how you should’ve never messed with the entanglements and matters of love. It only indicated how much you were doomed to accept the fact that he would never be yours.

“Enlighten me, please,” you begged now, ignoring how his blossom lips trembled upon hearing your despondent request.

Instead he just took your hand into one of his, squeezing tightly so that you would listen. His lace sleeve brushed up against your arm as he went to cup your cheek, making you shudder along with the breeze that flew by the two of you. The warmness of his hand made you lean against it, sighing in relief at how long the desire to at least touch him was finally satisfied.

“That never was my intention, Y/N. I apologize for making you feel like that, I truly am a fool not to notice. I was talking to your friend to know the things you wanted in an ideal prince. I thought I wouldn’t ever be good enough for you so that took way longer than expected... And I guess I’ve missed you for so long too that I was a bit nervous to face you, but I know that isn’t an excuse either. I’m so sorry for my actions tonight. I’ll make it up to you once we get back to the ballroom.” His thumb rubbed softly against your cheekbone as the desperation in his eyes caught onto you, letting you know how much sincerity there was in both his words and lips.

And yet, you couldn’t help but smile. He was always so caring like this, despite making everything out of humor, and maybe that’s why you fell in love with him.

“You should’ve asked me first, Gyu.” He cringed at the way you seemingly forget to mention his title before you continued again. “You know that you’re more than good enough for me. You’re simply... perfect.” You let the word fall off your lip and the prince again shot you another charming grin that had your heart pitter-pattering in your chest.

“I know that now,” he teased, pulling you closer to his arms in an embrace. You wallowed in it for a few seconds, hugging him back as well. He laughed at this, letting his chin drop comfortably on the top of your head.

“Now come on, didn’t I say I was going to make it up to you? Let’s head back to the castle now, my love.” He started to lead you out of your secret garden and into the royal pathway, much to your despise.

You weren’t sure what happened... It seemed like the happiness you just experienced crashed on your shoulders in waves, and you screamed unfortunately right in his ear.

“No!”

You dug your heels into the dirt, forbidding him to go any farther than what he was hoping. He quickly turned back to you after wincing from the abrupt pain, checking up on you worriedly after your outburst.

“I don’t want to go back there,” you whispered, looking into his eyes this time. It felt like electricity to you- to know that he was right there listening to you, listening to your worries in order to let you know that he cared.

“Why?” He let his hand trail down to tuck a fallen hair strand behind your ear, and you felt all the more guilty for bothering him like this. It was enough for yelling at him needlessly earlier when it wasn’t what he meant to do, but now this? You caught sight of the mud on your ankles, knowing that the king and queen wouldn’t be too happy about it.

“Because... I hate it there. I know we’re royalty- you’re a prince and I’m a prince/ss, but I don’t want any other people looking at you. They don’t know who you’re going to choose as your betrothed yet- it just makes me anticipate whoever you’re going to pick!”

The expression on Prince Beomgyu’s face was absolutely endearing as he ruffled the top of your head, finding entertainment at your embarrassment. You cringed at how your crown almost fell off, trying to slide it back on as Beomgyu did it for you.

“You’re so cute,” he chuckled, making all the heat in your face become prominent. This effect he had on you was always surprising, and you were sure he knew that from the confession you just made. You internally groaned at yourself. Why should you be shocked when he never misses the chance to say stuff like this?

“Then... how about we slow dance here instead? After all, I’m sure you can hear the blasting music from here,” he suggested, lifting a curious eyebrow for your response.

True to his words, you could hear most of the strings from the castle below to your secret garden. You weren’t that far from the castle and both of you wanted to give it a chance, so why hold back now? You let him take not only your hand into the melody of “Clair de Lune,” but also your heart.

He just smiled nervously at you, allowing you to wrap your arms behind his neck. A rush of nostalgia passed through you, reminding you of the time when you first danced together last year at the ballroom. All too familiar, his hands slid towards your waist and you giggled at the tickling sensation, wallowing at how close he was- enough to press a kiss to his button nose. It was easy to follow his swaying movements back and forth, but you were cautious this time not to trip into the thorny rose bushes.

Beomgyu carefully twirled you beside him, admiring the way your attire followed you along as well.

“Wait, you do know one thing, right?”

You tilted to your head to the side. What he was taking about- you weren’t sure at all. But you let him continue, feeling his arms bring you closer to his chest.

“You do know that... I love you. So much and entirely so. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Prince/ss Y/N. I want to treat you well and make that beautiful smile of yours become a main part of our life together. I want to have children of our own with you and watch them grow up into princes and princesses or whatever they choose to be themselves. I want to love you for the rest of our life and announce you mine.”

He stopped dancing this time, leaning towards you with hooded eyes. You allow him to, choosing to shut your eyes as well.

“Now tell me,” he whispered, laying a chaste soft kiss to your lips breathlessly, “will you be my queen when the time comes?”

You only nodded back, melting into the kiss as you took him into an affectionate embrace.

“Yes, of course, my prince.”

Finally... at last, you found your Prince Charming.

•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩

˚⁺‧. Taehyun: ˚⁺‧.

Needless to say, you were in love with Kang Taehyun.

You were so in love with the way he made extra time for you in his schedule even if he was busy studying. You were so in love with how he would pick you up despite your protests because apparently he felt unsafe when you weren’t with him. You were so in love with the way he took care of you whenever things got rough and comforted you through the little things like mood swings and disappointment when the waitress forgot to bring out your favorite cake. You were so in love with how he never rushed you into the relationship, promising to wait for you until you were ready. You were so in love with how caring he was towards you; every single day you spent with him made you feel as if you were on top of the world.

Even curled up in his arms now, you could feel the love you had for him swell in your chest as you looked at the mesmerizing him. He was holding you so gently, so sweetly, letting sweet words fall from his lips in order to make you smile. It obviously worked because you were nothing more than a giggling mess, watching him like a fool to get you to smile. Honestly, he wasn’t that much for public affection, but when it was the only two of you... you were allowed to say that he was clingy and wanted to hold on tight so that you’d never leave.

The white blanket from beneath you fluttered a little in the breeze and you shivered from how chilly it was. You should’ve brought a coat earlier like Taehyun had said, but it was the summer so it couldn’t have been that cold! You wrapped yourself in your arms, trying to get up if not for the deathly hug of Taehyun. Instead it only encouraged him to hold tighter onto you all the more, squeezing your arms tight in his embrace.

“I told you to wear at least something warmer, Y/N. Now you’re clearly shivering and I don’t want to give up my coat just for you,” he teased and that caused you to hit him playfully on the arm.

“I didn’t ask for a coat! I love the weather when it’s like this... especially when I’m with you,” you shut your eyes and stuck your tongue at him. The boy just pretended to gag and that made you laugh at his silly reaction.

The birds chirping from up above caught your attention, and you noticed how freely they seemed to be flapping their wings. As corny as it is, maybe one day you’d feel like flying with Taehyun. You weren’t sure how you were going to do it, but you want to make him the happiest he’s ever been in his whole entire life. Hmm... a nice moment of quiet would be good enough for you to think of a solution to that problem.

Although the silence was nice after that moment, you wanted to do something fun. It’s true that you were already happy since you had the day to spend with him, but this could be the cherry on top before you had to go home. Earlier you went shopping for what he liked and paid for it while he wasn’t looking, despite all of his complaints and tired that definitely hurt your ears. Then the two of you went for ice cream and you teased him about mint flavor before deciding to get the cone. It gave you an idea to have a picnic date with him, minus the food since you already ate lunch together. But it was more than perfect to be with him, really!

“Taehyun,” you whined, “I’m bored! Don’t you think we should do anything better for your birthday?

“But it’s pretty,” he pouted, “I thought you liked doing weird stuff like this, you weirdo.”

Rolling your eyes, you picked at the blanket beneath you, kneading it between your fingers as you thought of what to do. “I do, but there has to be a much nicer thing to make your smile wider, you weirdo.”

He let out a huff of amusement, nodding his head along to your idea. “Then what do you think will do that?”

You snickered at his mocking words, swatting his arm away from you so you could get up. He let a grunt of refusal as he let go before you took his hand into yours. He got up soon after with a pearly smile you wouldn’t ever be able to erase from mind. Something like that every day would certainly boost your serotonin if you had to look at it 24/7.

“Hmm... how about we dance?” You shyly suggested, watching his face morph into a sincere smile. It was cheesy, you knew that, but you were hoping Taehyun would at least say yes considering it was his birthday and you wanted him to have fun instead of just looking out into the blue horizon. Not that you were complaining about that though.

“Dance?” He couldn’t help but laugh teasingly at your request, like you had spoken in a language he couldn’t understand. “I know you’re cheesy and all, but dance?! That’s way too-” he gasped when you took him by the hand and started to tug him into a round of slow dancing.

Thankfully you had already set on some light music going on earlier when you had arrived, and it played loud enough so only the two of you could hear it. The one that you heard currently- was it “Sakura Kiss” but the strings version? You recognized it as you watched Taehyun pretend to cringe when you wrapped your arms around him.

“You’re really weird, I have no clue why I even agreed to do this in the first place.” He stepped towards the back and you were careful not to step on his feet accidentally. Although, that would be pretty funny- not that you’re admitting it!

You just giggled at his words, and he slid his hands to your waist. It felt like sparks to you, pure electricity coursing through your veins the moment he pulled you closer to him. Actually, he was debating whether or not he should start to tickle you, but it would just ruin the moment. Little did you know that he actually wanted to go along with it, guiding you through the music so that you wouldn’t be too stiff when dancing with him.

“But you’re in love with this weirdo, huh?” He wouldn’t answer this one, you were sure. He’d say something about how corny it was and how you could’ve said anything else but that.

Instead he let one hand come away from your waist before slipping into one of yours.

“Yes, I absolutely am.”

Not only was Taehyun’s wish of being happy on that day came true, but he also got to experience really flying with you even when it wasn’t possible.

•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩

˚⁺‧. Kai: ˚⁺‧.

“What are you up to on a late night?”

Well, that’s what you were going to ask your best friend Kai until he so rudely crashed into your house at 1am through the kitchen window despite all of your whines not to do that since he could hurt himself and even worse- break the window itself. You shouldn’t have been surprised at this point when he peeked his head through the door of your room, but how could you not be when there wasn’t any racket downstairs as a sign he was making his grand appearance? And don’t get started on how the door just randomly creaked loudly, giving you a major heart attack that a thief entered your house!

All of your grumbling and rambling about how he should just go home and rest in his very comfy bed that you somehow accidentally slept in before wasn’t enough for him to leave and he decided to join you in your journey of rewatching Cinderella. You were pleased to have a partner who could make you laugh along the whole experience, but you weren’t sure what he was doing up so late. As it was mentioned above the time just reached 1am and once you were done with this movie, it’d probably be closer to three. Not to mention that it wasn’t safe to come out of his house during the night even if he lived a few houses away.

“Kai, what are you doing here?! Don’t you know how unsafe it is to just randomly pop in to my house at what gosh knows in the morning?” You threw one of the pillows you were laying on towards him, purposely knowing that it was his favorite whenever he came by. Obviously you weren’t going to say you cuddled it to sleep when you missed the boy who didn’t get the chances to visit you, and hopefully he wouldn’t notice how worn down it already was after a few months of use.

Kai just jumped into bed beside you, reaching out a hand to ruffle your hair.

“Ooh, looks like someone is worried for me~ don’t worry, I brought my favorite plushy to protect me just in case,” he winked at you but you ignored it, focusing on getting the movie on the TV screen instead.

“At least tell me a good reason. I might forgive you this once but it doesn’t mean I condone your actions.” Every time you said this, you forgave him when you really shouldn’t have. It only encouraged him to come all the more, and you knew that through and through. But still! He should really know how worried you get whenever he spontaneously plans his visits to see you!

Kai just sighed, and you could imagine the disappointed pout on his face. Stealing another glance at him, you weren’t shocked to find out he was doing the exact same thing like you expected. After all, you knew Kai for a really long time not to notice these adorable little habits about him.

“I’m just bored. And Tobin really wanted to see you this time!” He proudly showed the bunny plushy in front of you, and it made you smile a little bit before quickly wiping the effect off.

“Okay, fine,” you groaned, beckoning him to come cuddle up against you like he always did, “you can stay as long as you like but next time if you aren’t careful, I’m saying no.”

He gladly took the offer, clearly staying in agreement to your words as he snuggled beside you to wait for the movie to finally initiate.

“Ah, thank you, Y/N! I knew I could count on you to be up this late!”

Not even ten minutes passed by since he supposedly broke in like you called it, and heavy rain started to crash down onto the roof. It was nice for moods like this and the white noise of raindrops always managed to calm you down as well, but you were worried for when Kai wanted to go home. How would he get to his house without being soaked? It’d definitely create a wet mess. Well that is... unless he wanted to- no, you shouldn’t get ideas like this, assuming he’s uncomfortable with it!

But there really was no loss in trying, right? You braced yourself for the hard rejection you knew that was coming.

“You know,” you bashfully offered, throwing him another fluffy pillow from across the bed so he could get more cozy, “you don’t have to walk out in the rain like that once the movie is done. It’s raining cats and dogs out there. You can always just stay... with me.” You absolutely hated how your voice shriveled up to the end, showing how embarrassed you were to even ask him in the first place.

He caught it easily, holding it tight to his chest soon after. “You’re acting like I wasn’t going to do that. Why not spend a night with my favorite person in the whole world? Let’s have a sleepover, Y/N~!”

Didn’t he know what he was doing?! And oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, you couldn’t believe it- he actually said yes! But of course, with a few pitter-patter comments here and there.

What were you thinking? You felt all the hot blood rush to your face and you hid it with another pillow close by. Hoping he would’t hear anything, you just muttered how embarrassed you were to yourself but boy oh boy, he caught it all and grinned in endearment at how cute you were. You wouldn’t be able to see that smile on his face anyway, unfortunately not with the pillow you hid yourself with.

...

You had been so tangled in the story that you didn’t realize Kai was more focused on you compared to the movie. He would look up to the screen sometimes, however he couldn’t help but look back at you more than the film for some reason. It didn’t mean you didn’t check up on him from time to time to make sure he was feeling completely comfortable. You knew fully well that he was staring at you but you decided to ignore it. At first you thought he was just spacing out, but it was way too coincidental to be true.

The scene finally got to the part where Cinderella was dancing with Prince Charming, glass slippers and all. As a kid you were always fond of this moment because one day you wanted someone in your life like that. Whoever it may be, as long as they love you for who you really are then you’d be happy to call them your significant other. And yet, every single time you would always be faced with Kai in your mind whenever you dreamed of this.

“What are you staring at me for?”

“Oh, nothing,” he taunted with a mocking voice before taking your hand into his. Then without a warning, he tugged you up from beside him, pulling you in front of the screen. You laughed at how sudden it was, and cautioned at him a little bit.

“Kai! Gosh, at least give me a warning before you pull me up,” you whisper-shouted, being careful enough not to create too much noise. Luckily the rain was able to replace the sound of both of you getting up from the creaky bed, serving as another distraction for your parents not to know your best friend was in the room.

As you watched him in confusion, he made no sound grabbing your hands so they’d wrap just below his neck. You asked him what he was doing quietly a few times when he simply shut you down like that, his hands naturally trailing down to your waist as if he was planning something.

When he was done with the finishing dances of preparing the both of you, he noticed you were distracted in Cinderella and the prince dancing and leaned your attention towards him again by grasping your cheek in his right hand.

“Come on,” he shot you another charming grin that sent your heart into a mayhem, “let’s slow dance.”

You gulped instinctively, nodding your head slowly.

“O-oh, sure...”

You couldn’t allow yourself to say no. How could you say no when your heart was screaming yes and with him so close to you than he’d ever been? You weren’t the best at slow dancing when you had to cooperate with a partner, but he made it quite easy for you. Although, it wasn’t a big surprise when he could do anything he put his mind to. Kai was simply an excellent musician- he got the hang of the beat so you just followed his lead, letting him sway gently to the sweet song.

The moment was magnificently magical, enough so that you wanted it to last forever. Eye contact was a bit much for you- especially when you were starting to have forbidden feelings for a friend who most likely doesn’t reciprocate the same ones- but somehow, you found the strength to keep looking at him without quivering up into a nervous ball. As the song played, you memorized every detail of his face as you could, counting his eyelashes to sketching how perfect his nose was in your mind. You were so lucky to have him in your life... you really couldn’t imagine a day without knowing he was there for you.

The rest of the song finished, but you knew he didn’t want to let go just yet. No other words were spoken but with his eyes that followed yours, you were able to tell how much you meant to him. More than a friend or just a friend? You weren’t sure at all, but you knew one thing. With the way he gazed at you- and perhaps you were deluding yourself when you thought this- it was clear to see that his stare was fill of enamor and love towards you and you only. He could’ve been watching the rain fall from outside and race against the windows, yet it seemed like he never wanted to look away either.

Your heart swelled in joy with this, but... at the same time...

When were you ever going to tell him these growing feelings? When were you going to let him know before you inevitably fell in love even deeper? How were you going to do it with all these insecurities of whether he likes you back or not weighing down? There were too many questions for you to really take. In all of this thinking while beside him- you couldn’t be for sure, however you weren’t going to rush yourself because there was still an eternity to spend with him right by your side like he promised.

•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩

Posted: 4/8/21- 2:15am

(OKAY SO LIKE IK I WROTE 9k WORDS FOR THIS SO?? IM SO SORRY IF YOU GOT BORED 😭😭 I ACCIDENTALLY USED ALL THE BIG BRAIN WRITING FOR THIS REQUEST OMG 🧍🧍 also peep me posting this at 2am when i said i was supposed to sleep at 11pm)

Tags:

#txt fluff #txt angst #txt imagines #txt scenarios #txt reactions #txt oneshot #*｡『 keah’s requests !』｡*

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aimmyarrowshigh · 3 years ago

Note

Dark Greetings this Spooky Season Ms. V. Can we get a list of your favorite Halloween movies and specials? I know you have seen *everything* and I am trying to go beyond my usual rewatches this holiday month.

V. AIMMYARROWSHIGH’S CRITERIA FOR HALLOWEEN EPISODES

Does the Halloween element combine convincingly with the usual universe of the show (ex: Lizzie McGuire 2x09 “Those Freaky McGuires” is not good as a Halloween episode because it changes the rules of the Lizzie McGuire universe, whereas Community 2x06 “Epidemiology” is a GREAT Halloween episode because it manages to logically introduce zombies to the regular Community universe)?

Does the Halloween element advance the plot of the episode/series (ex: the reason Boy Meets World 5x17 “And Then There Was Shawn” is literally the best Halloween episode ever made is that it uses the horror movie tropes it satirizes to provide a CRUCIAL turning-point to the plot of the show)?

Is the Halloween episode in the forefront enough that it’s clearly a holiday episode (ex: HAVING ONE JACK-O’LANTERN ON A DESK DOES NOT A HALLOWEEN SPECIAL MAKE, LAW & ORDER 16x03 “GHOSTS”! You gotta go ALL-IN, like Bob’s Burgers 3x02 “Full Bars”!)?

Does the Halloween theme balance well between spooky and warm-n-fuzzy (ex: Criminal Minds 11x21 “Mr. Scratch” is too fucking bleak, but Criminal Minds 12x06 “Elliott’s Pond” has a joyous/celebratory tone to the ending despite being a genuinely scary episode)?

Is it generally a well-written, acted, and designed episode of television (ex: Saved by the Bell! 3x26 “Mystery Weekend” is seriously, not exaggerating, the worst thing I’ve ever watched in my life; Psych 1x15 “Scary Sherry, Or Bianca’s Toast” is a triumph of the medium)?

THE BEST, bar none, Halloween special ever made is Boy Meets World 5x17, “And Then There Was Shawn.” Period. There can be no argument, except MAYBE Community 3x06, “Epidemiology,” but I like “And Then There Was Shawn” better because the parody and homage as less… biting? And because I think it continues and addresses the emotional core of the regular BMW season better than “Epidemiology” does for Community s3. “Epi” DOES plant the seed (…heh) for the Season 3B major plot arc of Shirley’s pregnancy and Chang Deciding To Murder, but it gets some major minus points for mocking Yvette Nicole Brown’s weight with other characters’ responses to her costume, tbh. And “And Then There Was Shawn” is just fucking iconic. It is THE Halloween episode manual, IMO, if there were to be a textbook on how to write a perfect Halloween episode for your sitcom.

HOWEVER, I also have to give major props to Bob’s Burgers and Psych, as complete series, for their CONSISTENTLY excellent Halloween episodes. A lot of series that have multiple Halloween eps really phone it in after one or two, because they don’t have any more ideas for how to incorporate Halloween pastiches while maintaining the overall feeling of the series (tbh B99, while the Halloween Heists are excellent in general, is/has been coming very close to this line, and I think that if they HADN’T had to switch out the Heist to Cinco de Mayo in s6, they would have jumped their Heist Shark [and I think they know it, too, because it was lampshaded in the episode itself]) or they just straight-up don’t have any more ideas for what or how to have the characters they’re bound to parody or pay homage to a Halloween thing after they’ve already done one or two. And let’s be real: those one or two have probably been either The Shining or Rear Window, because those are pretty much the two that every show starts with.

Bob’s manages to make every Halloween episode feel very fresh and organic to the series, which I think they do have some leeway to do because of the nature of cartoons keeping the Belchers living a kind of loop of never aging, yk, but amazingly they’ve only done the “Tina feels too old to trick or treat, maybe? Nope, she’s not 14 yet, so there’s still time!” thing in a way that felt tropey once (in 3x02 Full Bars). They’ve been able to address Tina being 13/in 8th grade, and worrying about it being almost too late for her to keep trick or treating, in ways that were in-character and added to the overall episode in 4x02 Fort Night, 5x02 Tina and the Real Ghost, and 9x04 Nightmare on Ocean Avenue Street, without me rolling my eyes at the screen and going “TINA, EVERY SINGLE SHOW WITH A TWEEN IN IT HAS ALREADY DECIDED THAT THE AGE AT WHICH YOU MUST STOP TRICK OR TREATING IS FRESHMAN YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL, COME ON NOW” which… at this point, is a Feat. Because like, I’ve POSTED over a thousand Halloween episodes, right? But I’ve watched and screencapped ::checks folder:: 3,905 Halloween episodes since 2014. Which is, um, a. lot. The ACTUAL BEST Bob’s Burgers Halloween episode is 6x03, “The Hauntening,” which is just… achingly perfect television. I know I’ve posted about it before (probably a couple times tbh) but the way that it aired originally back-to-back with The Simpsons 27x04, “Halloween of Horror,” so that the evening of Sunday cartoons juxtaposed eight-year-old Louise whose family worked so hard to scare her like she wanted with nine-year-old Lisa’s family working so hard to keep her from being too scared and make sure that she felt safe… reader, I FUCKIN CRIED. Little girls being deeply loved while also Spoopy Things!!!!!! IS WHAT HALLOWEEN SPECIALS ARE!!! FUCKIN!!!!!! ABOUT!!!!!!!

Psych, though, has the benefit of not really having any, like… central tone to the series? Beyond “friendship” and “having fun with joking,” tbh? So it’s able to do what a lot of series get docked “points” for in my Foolproof Halloween Special Ratings System That Is Completely Subjective To My Tastes And Mood, which is really just run full-tilt into parody and homage without really worrying about overall tonal connection to the rest of the season or series. 1x15, “Scary Sherry, or, Bianca’s Toast,” while it DOES fall victim to the way-too-common Halloween episode trap of making mental hospitals into a Scary Thing (they are a medical normality and a necessary thing for health for many people and should not be feared), is delightful Spooky Fun AND has the benefit of having Shannon Woodward in it.* We all know by now that if an episode of any show has Shannon Woodward as the guest star, it will by default end up being one of the best, if not THE best, episodes of that series. It’s just how having Shannon Woodward as your guest star rolls. I also really like, with Psych’s Halloween episodes, that quite a few of them understand the underlying thematic scope of Horror, which is “The Monstrous Feminine Is A Thing And All Horror Tropes Are Actually About Women’s Interior Lives Because Men Can’t Write Women And Fear Women Always,” yk, in a way that is neither TOO Actual Horror, which I am too afraid of to Do, or too trite and demeaning, which is the other basic trap that Halloween stuff falls into A Lot. Like, Scary Sherry is very much about women villainizing other women, avenging other women, and being in very specifically-female pain, even though Shawn & Gus are still the lens through which we solve the mystery, and so are 4x04 The Devil Is In The Details And The Upstairs Bedroom and 6x03 This Episode Sucks. But they give their Monstrous Females dignity and breadth, which is impressive, ESPECIALLY since they’re one-off guest characters. Also, 3x15 Tuesday the 17th is just plain funny and well-done, like, just give it props for the title alone.

*(Speaking of Shannon Woodward, another amazingly good Halloween episode is Raising Hope 4x07, “Murder, She Hoped,” which is among my very favorite Rear Window homage episodes and has probably the funniest gag in ANY Rear Window ep, in Martha Plimpton floating across the screen in the Grace Kelly silk nightgown and peignoir and announcing that it was on sale at Walmart, can you believe?! and honestly, yes. Perfection.)

Also excellent:

• The Addams Family (1991) + Addams Family Values (1993) • Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School (RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU WERE GAY FOR SIBELLA AS A CHILD!) • Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost (RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU'RE GAY BECAUSE THE HEX GIRLS!) • Halloweentown + Halloweentown II: Kalabar's Revenge • Mom's Got a Date with a Vampire! • Z•O•M•B•I•E•S (to a lesser extent, Z•O•M•B•I•E•S 2) • Clue (1985) • Coraline • Corpse Bride • 6teen 2x00 Dude of the Dead • Arthur 21x00 Arthur and the Haunted Treehouse • Lamb-Chop in the Haunted Studio • Arthur 8x04A Fern-kenstein's Monster • Arthur 10x02 The Squirrels • WandaVision 1x06 The All-New Halloween Spooktacular (I KNOW YOU, SPECIFICALLY, DEAR @plavoptice, HATE MCU!WANDA AND I DON'T BLAME YOU, YOUR REASONS ARE VERY VALID! But this is a good Halloween special so I'm putting it on my list In General.) • Boy Meets World 2x06 Who's Afraid of Cory Wolf? • Ghostbusters (2016) • Gravity Falls 1x12 Summerween • Leverage 4x02 Ten L'il Grifters Job • The Loud House 2x40 Tricked! • Mockingbird Lane 1x00 Unaired Pilot • It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown! (Classic, etc.)

I'm SURE I'm forgetting some that I'll rewatch this year myself. I'm a big Halloween Baking Championship fan, tbh, which is on Discovery+ now so I recommend that if you like mostly-relaxing nice people baking cakes that look like bats and such.

I'm also IMMENSELY INTENSELY EXCITED for The Muppets' Haunted Mansion on Disney+ next week!!!

#halloween #**halloween

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katsukikitten · 5 years ago

Text

Part 2! Here is Part 1 f you have yet to read it! I hope you enjoy my little Walmart brand of summer wars as much as I am writing it! Let me know what you think!

×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×

The two of you leave with a small bow before your grandmother answers the phone.

The second you are out of the room Bakugou grabs you roughly by the wrist, pulling you down into the small dimly lit hallway to press you against the dark wooden wall, caging you in much like he did on the train.

But this time with malintent. Small pops ring out from his forearms, one hand threatening to char the wood beside your head while the other grips your wrist harder.

You could understand his anger, it's not as if you had been truthful to Bakugou. He detests liars and although you didn't necessarily lie to him you still told him a half truth. He was still figuring out which was worse.

"Fucking fiance?!" He snarls close to your face, "Deal's off."

You had planned to allow him to bitch and moan about the shitty situation you put him in without argument.

But his refusal to act semi decent towards you for the sake of your grandmother's old heart had rage burning hot in your veins.

It wasn't like you were asking him to fuck you. With a tick in your jaw you drop your precious Kimono. Grabbing onto his chin with your free hand, tilting his face closer to yours to have a better look at those stunning crimson eyes. They widen from both the force of your grip and the proximity of your lips. He swallows thickly, his glare slowly coming back.

"Listen here Bakugou Katsuki. I'm asking you to pretend to be my fiance for two weeks. I'm asking for small shit like sitting close to me, maybe giving a small smile in my direction and at the most hand holding. I'm not asking you to fucking marry me or fuck me in front of my family. My grandmother is a bit old fashioned if you couldn't tell by the house or her demeanor, she has been hounding me about bringing a man to her for approval since I was 16. She wanted to make sure I had a man that deserved me, that I would be taken care of. So I've made up boyfriend after boyfriend since I've never really had time for more than a good fuck but my Uncle called me last winter to tell me her health was beginning to decline and rapidly at that. I called her immediately and told her I had just become engaged and she'd meet him on her birthday. So you've got two choices Katsuki." You let every syllable of his name soak in sugar coated venom, "Suck it up for two fucking weeks and be semi decent to me or break my grandmother's heart and earn a dangerous enemy."

Bakugou's heart pounded in his chest the entire time you were ranting, unsure of why he was attracted to the hard set of your eyes and the ice in your voice. His stomach flips when you say his first name causing him to grind his teeth. He breaks away from your grip with his free hand, quickly pinning your arms above your head. Locking your delicate yet deadly wrists in one of his broad hands while the other presses against your hip bone. Thumb sliding through the loop of your too short shorts, bringing your pelvis to his. The denim was barely able to contain your ass and thick thighs, he is surprised none of your elders have scolded you for such indecency if they were as old fashioned as you say.

The faint blush on your cheeks and the defiant look in your eyes has his voice turn husky as he speaks.

"I should make you regret bringing me here. Maybe have you begging for something else." His lips a breath away as he presses his forehead to yours. Eyes molten with what you think is lust before he tilts his face. Amplifying the sudden magnetism between your plump lips and his own. Your chest tightens with mixed emotions as your eyes begin to flutter closed.

Suddenly he changes direction and gives you a harsh headbutt, hard enough your vision blurs at the edges causing you to growl in response.

"This better not fucking bruise."

He rolls his eyes, dropping your hands as he reaches down for the old Kimino. His heart racing from almost losing control of these odd feelings.

Feelings that had never been aimed towards you until your grandmother stirred them up.

"Would you die for my granddaughter?"

The question drives him mad, mad enough that he places the kimono in your hands speaking the dark thought that he should have fucking kept to himself.

"Did you actually drag me along for your grandmother's sake or did you just want the kimono, Princess?" His voice is all bite, holding your gaze, your eyes widening.

"Don't call me that." Your voice threatens to crack but he walks away before he can see the rest of your reaction to wander the house for his room until dinner.

You're left standing there, eyes glued to the fabric, the deep navy blue and hand stitched cranes and lotus blur in your hands. Before fat droplets fall from your eyes.

Why did you ever think Bakugou Katsuki would be a good partner, fake or not.

You collect yourself quickly, angrily swiping at your eyes before you set to find your normal room.

It doesn't take you long and you're honestly hoping Bakugou stays lost until dinner. His room should be on the opposite wing of the house. Opening the old tatami door to find Mei setting down your stuff and Bakugou's bag. Mei follows your eyes to the well worn backpack with a skull pin on the strap. She knew exactly who it belonged to when she picked it up, having spotted the handsome devil from the hall.

"Mei what's this you know he's supposed to be in the western wing!" You exclaim, trudging past her to hang your kimono on the old rack in the corner of the room. Mei scoffs, eyes glued to her phone as she speaks.

"He was bound to sneak this way anyway. I'm doing you a favor." She rolls her eyes as if she knows everything at the ripe age of sixteen.

You thought you knew everything then too. You sigh, rolling your own eyes.

"What you call a favor I call a headache. Just take his bag to his room." You pass the straps to her, hating that it smells so much like him. Your stomach flips even as you look at the two person futon.

"Just sleep with him tonight no one will know! Plus I hadn't cleaned his room. It's full of spider webs, the floor needs patching and his futon is gonna be dusty." She counters.

"B..but one futon is not modest."

"Wow please tell me you're not a virgin jushi. You're gonna get married anyway! I know I wouldn't have said no to a catch like that either!"

Mei makes her way out of your room while you pinch the bridge or your nose.

"Yea…. Why would I ever say no to such a great catch?" You fall backwards onto the futon hoping that that asshole was still lost for now.

Someone would find him wandering and take him to the great dining room.

×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×

Thankfully someone does end up showing Bakugou to the dining room but of course it would be Mei who also tells him where the SHARED room is. You bite your lip and choose to play dumb.

"Oh good you found your way, babe." You smile sinking next to him on one of the many blue cushions. He grunts in response but pulls your cushion closer to his. Carefully pouring you some water before he yanks down your tank top that was riding up and trying to expose your midriff. His fingers feel like fire as they brush against your skin, igniting a dying ember in your stomach.

You quickly remind yourself of his nasty comment, as you're about to set him straight your cousin Haru walks into the room. He sucks his teeth and sits further down the table across from his sister Mei as people slowly come in to sit or bring in food.

"I don't know why you bothered to bring him here. Sobo is never going to approve of him." He cracks open his beer and drinks prematurely earning an eye roll from his sister. Bakugou and yourself both open your mouth to retort when Mei pipes up. Eyes still glued to her phone as her thumbs fly across the illuminated glass.

"She already did stupid. She gave her the crane Kimono so get used to seeing his face." Mei rolls her eyes as your cheeks blush.

Bakugou regrets his comment now more than ever but sucks his own teeth. An older gentleman sits to Bakugou's left commenting on the conversation as he does.

"Wow the crane kimono! You know she's been holding onto that for quite some time. You must be very special. I'm Sozen, your lovely fiance's Uncle." He smiles, just as you're about pinch the blonde to make sure he answers he gives a small bow of his head.

"Bakugou Katsuki." He introduces himself as aunt Mai rushes into the room.

"Wait, wait! I want to meet him!" She sinks next to your right, all smiles as her eyes are fixated on the young man, "Wow he is as handsome as you said on the phone last night."

Fresh blush creeps onto your cheeks, remembering the phone conversation from when you were too nervous to sleep last night. Bakugou catches on and smirks in response. Everyone but Sobo takes their seats and you decide now is a good time as ever to get the formalities over with.

"Let's just get through the introductions shall we?" You say as you run through the names of each family member on both sides of the three low tables shoved together. Introducing the hot head to well over 12 adults and their children and even children's children. For now Bakugou only makes an effort to remember the ones closest to him.

Uncle Sozen who sits to his left and Aunt Mai who sits to your right. It's becoming quickly apparent that a lot of your family is either much older or much younger than yourself. He can understand why you could feel a little lonely at times. Being more of a black sheep than anything. Then he realises something very important.

"Wait, where are your parents?" He asks lowly to which you shrug.

"They show up closer to grandma's birthday. They are both extremely busy and always have been. Soba more or less raised me."

As if one cue grandmother comes in, looking over the table with the biggest and warmest smile she can muster. It reminds him of the summer sun lazily dancing across his skin in the late afternoon.

And again it reminds him of you. He looks to you and sees you mirroring the exact same smile, happy for your grandmother's happiness causing his chest to tighten and butterflies to awaken in his stomach. He grinds his teeth in an attempt to calm them down.

She sits at the head of the table, closest to Great Oba who he had the pleasure of meeting first thing, before grandmother holds up her small cup of sake.

"To family." She announces, everyone lifts what cup they have, whether it was a kids small sippy cup, their o-choko, or even their cup of tea.

"To family!" They roar back to her all taking a sip.

"Let's eat." She says while the family cries out, "Itadakimasu!"

The tables are loud and full of conversation. Although Katuski's family is not so big, the volume reminds him of his own family. A small smirk comes to his lips as he thinks of his mother and how she would fit in here.

"So no Shoji?" Haru asks with a sneer, almost purposefully stirring the pot.

"No surprise there." Someone else comments.

"Shut. Up. Haru." You bite out, look fierce as if you were to devour him whole. He swallows thickly.

"Great uncle Kodaka tell us about that battle we won here!" You change the subject and everyone groans as Kodaka starts the story they've heard thousands of times before.

"It was almost 150 years ago, when we were still a prosperous nation. Us samarai doing fine on our own. Hired by the wealthy or living by our own moral compass. It was like fish in a barrel…"

The story continues on, mostly the children listen and your grandmother who smiles as she hears her youngest speak.

Sozen leans closer to Bakugou, as grey eyes hold onto scarlet. Bakugou remains quiet, glancing to you and then back to the uncle. Uncle Sozen takes this as an invitation to speak.

"I guess since you're gonna be part of the family now I should tell you about Shoji. There was a time shortly before Grandpa died that he went down a dark path, gambling away majority of the family fortune and just when grams thought she had him under control then came Shoji.He was Grandpa's illegitimate child with a woman much younger than Sobo. But she loved Shoji fiercely anyway. She would take him through the field of wildflowers to the lake in the early mornings of summer. One hot day when he was small and the sun was rising, painting the sky in hues of red there was a crane. Our family's crest." Uncle Sozen points to the wooden crest above the door to the adjacent room that held the family's artifacts. A crane stands tall with a white lotus behind it in full bloom.

"It was the first time in decades that a crane had come to the lake and the lotus were in full bloom. He flew away, causing a gentle ripple in the lake and it was then Sobo knew that Shoji would bring fortune to our family." Sozen peeks your way to make sure you're not over hearing, he continues explaining softly as your loud laugh bellows out, "Everyone is so angry with him because he took the last of grandmother's savings and then ran away to America with no way to be contacted."

"She is quick to defend him because she was too young to really remember how much it upset Sobo. That and she believed in him wholeheartedly. She looked up to him because despite his quirklessness he was exceptionally intelligent. She had faith that he would restore honor and fortune to our name." Sozen's chopsticks point to you as he speaks before he picks up a dumpling. Bakugou's eyes follow over you.

"Hello Sobo." A deep voice calls from the engawa reducing the lively roar of dinner conversation to nothing more than the sad song of a lonely cricket.

"Uncle Shoji?!" You call excited, standing from your spot at the long table while the rest of the room holds animosity.

Bakugou downs his sake to which Uncle Sozen silently refills.

"I thought you were still abroad in the states!" You sink next to him and pull him into a crushing hug. He smiles, slowly separating the two of you.

"What the hell do you want trash?!" Uncle Kodaka snarls, to which you produce a deadly glare his way.

"Well yes I was in the states, thank you for asking Princess." He tucks a stay hair behind your ear before rising to speak with grandmother.

He does not address her properly nor does he bow. If anything he stands loosely with an arrogance about him that leaves majority of the room with a sour taste in their mouth. Bakugou watches Great Oba's chopsticks strain in her delicate hand, the distaste for him is becoming more and more obvious by the second.

And then he opens his mouth.

"I made tenfold out of what you let me borrow, Soba." He pulls a stack of money and a check from his pocket as he speaks, "I made a drug to make people powerless and sold it to the highest bidder."

Eyes around the room widen as news headlines flash in their heads about a new drug that made people quirkless. Villains shooting innocent bystanders and heroes in hopes of getting a leg up.

Shoji tosses the money and the check onto grandmother's lap. Dark brown eyes stare into her lap for a long moment.

Suddenly grandmother moves like an agile cat, jumping to her feet and grabbing for one of the divine naginata. She wields it masterfully before shoving the point towards him, fire burning in her eyes.

"Mother!" Half the table shouts, as you begin to see red. You stand stepping next to Shoji, body shaking with rage as your heart drums in your ears.

"I knew my Princess would save me." He says coyly to hide just how shaken he is, sweat dripping down his brow. Even ten years your senior he couldn't hide his fear of the fierce woman before him, shocked that a woman in her nineties could still brandish such a big and heavy weapon.

Your hands land harshly on Shoji's chest as you give him a shove. Shocking the table into further silence.

"YOU MADE THAT?!" Your voice echoes over the dining room, into the empty halls and out into the night but somehow the hurt in it does not reach Shoji.

"Of course, it was going to be a hot seller. Governments offered me billions. Besides I made an anti...." But before he can finish you've got him by the collar.

"HOW CAN YOU BE SO INTELLIGENT YET SO DAFT?!" Bakugou watches your knuckles turn white while your cheeks flush deep red. Shoji barely frees himself, his shirt crumpled but you press on.

"Those were my friends!" A stomp of your foot has the dishes rattling on the table, Bakugou becomes more on edge, "You hurt my fucking friends!"

You raise both of your fists above your head, ready to bring them down with all of your might. Too angry to control your gauge of power uncaring of the consequences. Katuski acts quickly, flicking his wrist to empty the shallow cup of sake high into the air. Igniting it into beautiful dancing fireworks, the kids oo and ah while he hopes to distract you if only for a moment.

It works, slightly. You realize his plan as he jumps to his feet, running along the low tables as you try to beat him to the punch.

Literally.

Bakugou barely makes it, shoving Shoji into the table, food and dishes fly into the air just to stain the freshly mopped wooden floors. The hot head holds out his other arm to take the brunt of your force. He let's off the smallest explosion to soften your blow but a small crack still rings out.

Heated eyes watch as a black bruise blooms from the crease of his elbow to all the way to his wrist as the shock shakes the house behind him. Paintings and pictures fall from the walls in the wake of your force.

"Are you trying to bring down the house dumbass?!" He yells before his voice dips low, soft almost, "What if the roof had caved and Soba-san got hurt?"

Your eyes widen at his words before they are locked with glistening scarlet pools. You look over Bakugou's toned arm, marred in angry shades of purplish black. Eyes darting over the family and the mess that lies beside you. Finally they fall on your grandmother behind your shoulder. Her own aged shoulders heave from the adrenaline, her graying white hair out of place with her lotus pin threatening to fall out. You spy Shoji, your once hero still squishing food beneath his torso and elbows, eyes filled with fear.

"Fuck this." You mutter storming off, leaving Bakugou to stand alone before your family. Shoji stands, rushing out of the house, moments later everyone can hear a car peeling down the gravel drive losing traction once or twice.

After a few moments of silence grandmother fixes her hair and returns the naginata as she speaks.

"This family cleans up their own messes. Now get to work!"

And with that your family and Bakugou begin to pick up the shattered pieces of dishes, pride and family matters.

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