#I’m literally so normal about this cutscene I swear

[flaskbottomfrog]

Girl really looked back at us like THIS

AND EXPECTED ME TO BE OKAY AFTER THAT???

My girlkisser ass has still not emotionally recovered from THAT cutscene ough

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Burt the Ball

Debut: Yoshi’s Crafted World

Today’s post is very special, because we have a very esteemed guest joining us in the audience! Spikey’s very own grandmother is here, having heard so much about our posts, and she is delighted to attend this live post viewing! Everyone, it is my pleasure to introduce Mrs. Spikeworth!

“Oh, why, thank you, dearies! You’re too kind.”

(Now, just between you and me, I made sure to choose one of the most innocuous enemies I could, from an extremely family-friendly game. We need to make a good first impression! Anyway, on with the post!)

We all know and love Burt the Bashful, he is such a silly guy! A round guy with a big ol’ nose and funny striped pants. That’s our Burt! The poor guy is shy, though, so let’s give him his space. He is sheepish. Burt the Baaashful!

“Oh ho ho! How droll!”

Thank you, ma’am. Where was I? I wonder if people are tired of big Burts as Yoshi bosses. They sure do appear often! I think it’s good, because they are funny, but maybe there are some no-nonsense Yoshi fans out there who sigh and roll their eyes upon seeing the goofball pictured above. Oh well. Too bad. Yoshi’s Crafted World makes history by having a Burt boss NOT in the first world! And this one is a literal goofball!

Normally, a boss Burt is a small one enlarged by Kamek’s magic, but this case is a little different! Burt the Ball begins as a fresh, deflated beach ball, and is dropped into these big ol’ pants that were just hanging here. Are these even his? I don’t think we have conclusive evidence! It must be bad enough to be made aggressive against your will, but it’s downright insulting to get put into somebody else’s pants. What if they saw?! So embarrassing!

“My, I do like that the kids still get to see clothespins in their games today. My grandson is always trying to get me to use that new drying machine, but I swear my petticoat shrinks unless it’s dried the old-fashioned way!”

Yes, Mrs. Spikeworth, thank you for the, um, timeless wisdom.

I think Burt the Ball’s transformation is quite a sight, as we get to see him inflate his appendages one by one, and he is rendered so realistically! Get a load of those seems! I can feel him. I imagine holding his hand. It is so easy and you should imagine it too, and we will all be connected through our bond with him!

In true Burt fashion, though, he needs to pull his pants up! Silly fellow, but it happens to the best of us. Maybe he needs to buy something to hold those pants up. Burt the Belted would be unstoppable! Anyway, we’ve dwelt on this silly cutscene long enough, let’s let the poor guy get his pants up already!

Oh! Oh. Oh my. I swear this game is rated E. Can we, um, get that off the screen, please?

“What’s that, dearie? Dreadfully sorry, I’m just wiping off my glasses, I’ll look in a jiffy!”

Nothing, nothing! Just a, bug on the screen. NEXT SLIDE PLEASE

Here we have Burt the Ball and his adorable little apprentices! These are the Beach Burts, and they are in fact the only “normal” Burts in the game, as Burts only appear in this context! Not only that, these are the first ever Burt Variant. Big win for Burt fans!

As with all big Burts, the pants recede as he takes damage. Unlike other Burts, though, they for some godforsaken reason decided to actually depict- oh? Oh, it’s not there? Thank goodness. I do wonder where it went, but at least I don’t have to try to explain it now!

“I’m sorry, sweetie, explain what?”

Oh, just that... bug again, it’s, um, an invasive species, a lot to get into, wouldn’t be on-topic.

Anyway, that’s all today, and everyone please give a big hand to our special guest, the lovely Mrs. Spikeworth! We are honored she made the time for us on her way back home to the naturist resort!

[wasabioverdrive]

tumblrless pmmm au anon again. SCREAMING clapping my hands throwing flowers on stage tears in my eyes ohhh I love this shit smmm. wish I saw it sooner sobs ANWAY YEAHHH FUCK YEAHH WHOO ive thought about white lily being in a pmmm au as well because like. come on it’s obvious. also I think her deisgn lends well to older magical girl outfit designs. SUCH a fan of lotus being the fuckhead behind all this. good for them. the idea of the attendents is so neat as well… fuck yes (1/?)

anyway this is a kind of canon ambiguous idea but like. what if lotus sort of acts like multiversal kind of figure? like they got so high off of anyones dreams and silly magical girl shenanigans they just sort of clipped out of reality or smth. and like they’re in a semi dragony witch form 24/7 (<thinking too hard). (2/?) that could probably explain how the attendants can be anywhere at anytime and that could probably concern the tbd (well maybe tk knows but isn’t telling anyone bevause ahah funny). broo whag if hydrangea is in witch form. im normal about lotus i swear - croissant catching onto string gummer doing all the timeline bullshit that once again surrounds her. peep into the horror once again (3/?)

would probably be interesting if wasabi catches into all this bs from mustard ans being like Oh Fuck and then contacting the tbd or smth. i have a mini mustard wasabi tbd au anyway I think theres potential for smth there. wasabi would just throw herself right into the horrors tho lmao. but ANYWAY I love this au i am getting thoughts for it as well now we are speaking telepathically thank you thank my crops are growing my skin is growing life is beautiful. (4/?) sorry if the formatting is weird or hard to read btw. I just copied pasted from a discord dm and am using the hell fuck that is mobile web browser tumblr. anyway have a nice day :]] (5/5)

UR SO RIGHTTT this is LITERALLY US RN:

lotus being a multiversal figure is SO COOL LOVE THAT...i need to draw a fucked up dragon-witch form for them omg...thats also kind of funny too like. pitaya, seeing lotus noclip through reality: huh

actually now this has me wondering how the other dragons would think of lotus becoming some kind of multiversal mf. ik lychee has tension w them from their ob relationship chart so maybe they could be like “hey what the hell” but i need to watch more dragon event cutscenes so i can formulate my thoughts better. & yeah tk probably wouldnt be helpful except for giving a hint or two LOL

omg witch form hydrangea YESSSSS...hmmm would that mean the other lotus attendants are under contract & could turn into witches too?

HELPP string gummy starting the madoka timeloops after the events of this au’s version of save the future event is kind of hilarious the horrors never EVER end.

also HOLY SHIT u have a mustard and wasabi tbd mini au? i’m looking so hard rn. wasabi contacting the tbd/maybe working w them bc of the contract fuckassery....YESSSS

TYSM im glad u enjoy the AU :-] you’re enabling my AU insanity so much rn i have to go draw white lily/denchantress witch form and hydrangea witch form and lotus au design and and and and a [EXPLOSION]

[darkmetaknightspussy]

Pardon me, if you have the time may I ask for some kirby headcannons? Anything really. I love to hear about you're headcannons so much!

-Leaf Anon

LEAF ANON I AM SO SORRY THIS GOT BURIED AND ITS A MONTH LATE. tysm for being patient with me ;;o;;

⭐️ they’re a native of popstar but (as in canon) not one of dreamland. they’re not entirely sure where they came from or what their origins are, but they don’t really think on it much - as far as they’re concerned dreamland is their home and the friends & family they’ve made there are more than enough for them.

⭐️ if a good 80% of cutscenes are to be believed kirby is. clumsy. they are a walking disaster who breaks everything they touch (sometimes on purpose and sometimes not.) 

⭐️ kirbo trips over their own feet constantly, accidentally eats a fishhook, bonks his head falling down a hole, gets thrown out of an apple tree, is beaned in the face by a c*terpillar in the middle of a nap, gets caught in a tidal rip trying to skip stones in front of their crush etc. etc. 

⭐️ the ultimate downside to being a powerful being of space dust and Matter Most Dark is that the universe ends up declaring you its unfortunate slapstick chew toy.

⭐️ they have low/hypoempathy but are very compassionate - reading emotions doesn’t come naturally to him and while they may not be able understand how their friends are feeling, they have a strong sense of pathos and will do anything to cheer them up in a crisis.

⭐️ sharing food is the ultimate love language to him because a good 80% of the time they absolutely loathe entertaining the mere idea of such a thing, much less Actually Doing It. 

⭐️ when they do it’s a huge form of affection (whether platonic or otherwise) for them and should be treasured. love is stored in the strabebbie shortcake :]

⭐️ they’re very sweet and kind and caring. buuut drawing a little on their avalanche + light novel characterization, they can be kind of brash and feisty and also..... just....... the tiniest bit of a jerk, sometimes, maybe. 

⭐️ most of the time they don’t mean to be! they’re just blunt, have little impulse control and just don’t really think stuff through before talking. or acting. if they’ve accidentally hurt someone they’ll be very quick to apologize and make it up to them

⭐️ when it comes to their friends and other folks they tend to hang out with a lot they’ll unconsciously copy/absorb mannerisms like a sponge. like susie’s humming or taranza’s careful preening or magolor’s tendency to clap/fiddle with his hands. I Prommy I’m Not Making Fun Of You It’s Just A Thing I Do, Can We Still Be Friends :(

⭐️ kirby’s relationship with marx is something along the lines of Kids That Try To Beat Each Other Up On The Playground (Except They Both Have Literal Actual God Powers). 

⭐️ as of ksa they’re on neutral terms but (as the opening skits can attest) they still get hissy at each other a lot. marx griefs kirby’s minecraft house and puts up signs that say Poo Poo Hut because they like building with dirt

⭐️ as an adult, the appearance of kirby’s wings changes depending on what copy ability they happen to be using at the moment (much like the friend star!). in their normal state they have feathery pink bat wings, with a dark blue-black membrane speckled with starry patterns like the night sky.

⭐️ they don’t swear OFTEN at all because it’s not really in their nature but they are perfectly capable of doing so once in a blue moon and giving everyone in a 50km radius a heart attack in the process because they didn’t think it was physically possible for them to do that. 

⭐️ if you say anything along the lines of “kirby would never say fuck” they will automatically gain the ability to do just that. I Am Your Friend And You Have No Say Over How Many Swear Words Are In My Vocabulary

[reflectionsofacreator]

Boy howdy, here we go. Desmond gets desynched out of Haytham’s memories after witnessing Charles’ initiation, and hoo man he’s not taking it well. 

So my very first thought upon witnessing this scene was to wonder if the conversation Desmond had with William was supposed to take place after this, instead of where I found it in sequence 2. I kinda feel as though there’s enough weight to place it both before and after this scene, and it makes me wonder. I’m tempted to lean towards “no, it’s not supposed to take place after this” because of how caviler Desmond tried to be with his father at the start of that conversation, which doesn’t exactly mesh well with after this mess of a convo. However, it’s no secret that ac3 is buggy as hell, and it wouldn’t surprise me that I managed to trigger a conversation early. 

Tbh like. Desmond has every right to get this pissy or fed up. Maybe he could’ve gone about it a better way, but god damn his life kind of sucks, and has sucked ever since he got grabbed off the street. He may have resolved to see this through to the end at the end of Revelations, but that doesn’t mean that he has to roll over an accept everything without so much as a peep. What really interests me is how he chooses to phrase it though, especially with regards to Lucy. “Templar plot twist” is a hell of a term, both in word choice and how he chooses to distance himself from the fact that he was closer to her than to Shaun or Rebecca. I think it’s the only real mention that Desmond’s made about Lucy’s allegiances and the fact that she was going to betray him. 

I find it fascinating how he talks around Lucy, instead of actually trying to talk about her, including speaking “as” her. It kind of reminds me of grief or coping mechanisms, because he’s still not okay with what happened. I also take great interest over the fact that he takes responsibility for her murder, even if he was being controlled by “a magic space wizard”. Because normally that would absolve people of responsibility, but... I don’t think he does. Not at all. He blames himself for Lucy’s death, even if it wasn’t him “pulling the trigger” so to speak. Admittedly, I’m surprised it took him this long to actually have any form of breakdown over her death, and even then, this is pretty damn understated. Even when Subject 16 told him about it, he collapsed to his knees, but didn’t have a violent reaction like this. 

Anyways William’s continued insistence that he knows better and that Desmond’s being a petulant child is ... Very. Irritating. Where’s my bat... 

Also, this is the first time we’ve really got an extended look at William’s face while he’s talking, and I wonder at the significance of that. Sure, we’ve heard him do voice overs, or seen him here and there, but this is the first major cutscene with him. I also can’t shake the feeling that he looks too pale -- I was always under the impression that he and Desmond were PoC, given their vast and varied heritage. 

My next thought is just... Why is Rebecca so quiet? She literally doesn’t say anything, and it feels odd. She’s always been pretty vocal before, but I swear, I’ve only heard her talk in the convos you can trigger outside in the world, not in the cutscenes. There’s a number of reasons why that might be the case, and I feel like the biggest one is likely just. Pure sexism, and the devs not knowing what to do with her. That might just be me being a pessimistic ass though, but considering the recent shit that’s come out about Ubisoft’s in house sexism/misogyny and how female protagonists were shafted... [waves hand] It’s possible, and I won’t discount it. But for an in story reason, it could just be that she’s still grieving Lucy, or that she doesn’t exactly want to cause a fight with her boss, considering that William is the Mentor of the Brotherhood, even if Desmond is her friend. Also like -- it’s fucking awkward to get between a family fight, man. 

I appreciate, however, that Shaun was willing to intervene. Even if said intervening just amounts to “hm let’s just not c:”. It’s still something, I guess. Also perfectly IC. Shaun just does not do emotions, either well or at all, so it makes sense that he’d give them a goal to try and work on instead of letting this fester and try and blow up into a fight. He brings up the power source that Desmond found upon first entering, and lo and behold, I knew we’d have to gather more. Admittedly it’s a problem for later, as they still need to find the Key. 

You’re prompted to wander around the Grand Temple, and then you can see what looks like a glowing ghost off in the distance, not exactly dissimilar to a Bleeding Effect. 

[devil-kindred]

death stranding adventures- final

I finished Death Stranding!

A recap on the events through the end of the game + my thoughts as they occurred below the cut! Beware spoilers if you haven’t played the game!

- left port knot with the order for fragile and found myself looking at a sea of the blob BTs- not exactly a joyous moment. I finally figured out why they look familiar though! They resemble the Portuguese man o’war! Which makes sense in keeping with the beached/aquatic creature theme given: the fish that show up after you defeat the catchers, the catchers themselves, THE WHALE, the little floating crabs, etc. The lions don’t fit the theme obviously, but I chalk that up to them being more of a Higgs thing? Since he’s the reason you encounter one in the first place.

- I got Sam through the floating BT minefield without too much trouble by hugging the moutainside and using the rifle to take out the ones that were closest to make a path. After that, there was a brief reprieve and then I had to fight a catcher BT. Did that then the normal BTs appeared once I progressed a little further. Made it past that, then rushed through mule territory and then, more BTs. This time 4-5 lion BTs (i don’t remember which but I know it was more than 3 because I thought I was done and then about got Sam stomped on by the one that I missed). Finally finished that and got a TON of chiral crystals for my trouble which was admittedly kinda nice, though my thoughts were mostly “please just let me finish this delivery T_T” by that point.

- Continued the trek to the Capitol Knot City and noticed the sky had changed from a color I refer to as “tornado green” to this very ominous red shade. Not a good sign, followed by rumbling noises that made a even worse sign. Nearly to the city gate (as in maybe the length of one of the bridges you can build level close) and then. A whale. Falls. Out of the sky. ._. Guessed it was time for round whatever number I was on at this point and once again, Sam with the standard reaction to weird BTs goes “what the fuck”. My thoughts exactly at this point.

- Climbed onto whatever thing that emerged from the tar was closest and then clambered onto a building that appeared. Was helped once again (as I was with the previous fights) by a ghostly Sam that lobbed all sorts of neat useful things my way, most importantly two grenade launchers and a multi rocket launcher. Thank you ghostly Sam! I would’ve been doomed without your help. Defeated the whale, collected more chiral crystals, then FINALLY made it to capitol knot.

- Delivered the items to Fragile who looked... really not well. I was concerned there was going to be another loss, but Sam waved a cryptobiote in front of her face and she woke up. Prior to Sam walking up to he, Mama/Lockne ran over and tried to hug him which Sam was (understandably) having absolutely none of but at least he was kinda gentle when he stopped her.

- They explained the whole thing that happened and how Fragile was essentially bounced back from Amelie’s beach and that she wanted Sam to go to her. So they have a long convo about how Sam needs to go and has to find a way to stop her, but also understand that he might not be able to come back. Pretty sobering, but ok. He and Fragile do the forehead touch (which I know helps but it’s so cute, I can’t) and she tells him to picture Amelie’s beach and feel the connection to her. Fragile does the same “I know you love her” thing as the first time and Sam gets sent over to the beach. Fragile looked very sad, chiral allergy tears aside. Which, given that she probably considered him a friend by this point, fits since there’s no guarantee he’ll come back let alone be able to stop Amelie.

- Elsewhere, on Amelie’s beach things are... not looking good. There’s dead sea creatures everywhere, the water’s red, and the sun thing looks like it’s going to turn everything on the beach into smoldering ashes any second. Sam finally finds Amelie after running around for a while and she reveals she’s an EE, which he already technically knew thanks to Higgs. Amelie explains a bunch of stuff and tells Sam to make a choice: stay with her and watch the world end (no thanks) or stop her. Sam pulls the gun which does no good and upon following her, gets a prompt to hug her. He does and they both get super emotional (which is in turn making ME get emotional) and then Amelie shoves him away.

- Sam plummets into the ocean and somehow gets bounced back to his own beach. Where he’s blue? For some reason. I don’t think it’s a tint because everything else on the beach looked the same colors it always was in prior sequences. He’s the only thing that’s not. Which, there is a reason for I’m sure. Anyways.

- Cue running along the beach for eternity a good while with Sam stopping every so often to sit down and catch his breath as well as reflect on what Amelie told him. Which was a lot. She explained that she and Bridget are one and the same, a separation of Ka and Ha that managed to coexist. She also says she got bored of waiting for the end and decided to bring about the extinction early and, while I can understand that’s her purpose as an EE, way to say fuck humanity I guess.

- In between more running and resting, it’s revealed that Sam is the BB Cliff (aka Mr. Combat Veteran) was looking for. His son. (Which you find out kinda after fighting him for the third? time.) Sam was apparently an experiement and a potential sacrifice (man this game gets dark fast) for something. Die-Hardman- aka John- told Cliff as much in less words and instructed him to take his son and run. Cliff does and bad things ensue when he gets cornered. John/Die-Hardman was given the order to shoot Cliff and when he refused to Bridget/Amelie made him, quite literally, by grabbing his hand and making him pull the trigger. My thought process during these has bacially centered around “wow Bridget is awful” but add the swearing of your choice to that sentence. Basically, I do not feel charitable towards Ms. Extinction Entity.

- Cliff took BB Sam out of the pod at some point and when Bridget shot him via using John/Die-Hardman as a puppet, she also shot BB Sam. Upon realizing this, she freaks out. Which is understandable given that she just killed a man and a baby. But what did she think was going to happen? That Cliff would throw his teeny baby son across the room when she pulled the trigger? What exactly was her expectation here?

- So BB Sam died and went to the beach. Or was it his own beach? They all start to blur together a little after a while. Amelie finds the BB, which is blue because it’s not breathing (ooh hey maybe that’s why adult Sam is blue? ... but my understanding is when Fragile jumped him to Amelie’s beach, all of him went— not just his soul. So maybe not? Is it symbolic? Am I just looking too hard into this?) and does infant cpr (I think?) and lo and behold, BB Sam is brought back to life! She tells him she knows the way home and puts him in the ocean. & in upsetting the balance of life and death, she made him a repatriate

- Once again back on the beach, Sam decides he’s had enough of being stuck there and remembers the gun and Amelie’s words that “a gun won’t help you here but it still has a role to play” and decides to use it as a way to end the beach cycle. There’s a click and then the title “Death Stranding”. I was very confused at first and just kind of stared at the tv like “that’s it? All that for—“ and then a little button prompt showed up on the bottom with the words “reconnect with the living”. Push the button and oh look, Sam’s still alive (Which is very much a joyous moment for me as a concerned player)! He tries again a few times and realizes it doesn’t work, then hears a very familiar song. Following the sound he finds little BB handprints in the sand and following those leads him to some familiar voices.

- Amelie/Bridget shows up again, this time in white as opposed to her signature red (i know there’s symbolism in that change, maybe rebirth? or just signifying that she’s trying to be on humanity’s side of things this time around?) and tells him that he still has ties to the living and then points at the five figures floating in the sky⏤ presumably meant to represent Deadman, Mama, Lockne, Heartman, and Lou. Or is it Deadman, Mama/Lockne, Heartman, Lou, and Die-Hardman? Following that, various voices belonging to those mentioned above remark that they can see him and just need to bring him back. Sam winds up in the ocean again (i’m finishing up this post almost a week after beating the game so my memory is tad iffy on the exact way things happened) and is greeted with the sight of Deadman holding Lou in her little pod while he’s got his hand around Sam’s ankle.

- They manage to bring him back to the land of the living and what follows is a fair amount of cutscenes. In the absence of Bridget/Amelie/Samantha ‘America’ Strand (the woman who never existed), Die-Hardman takes up the mantle of president (good for him!). He reveals his face to the crowd (and presumably everyone watching from... wherever they may be) and starts talking about the unsung hero none of this would’ve been possible without... which is about the time Sam, who’s been hanging out in the very back of the room (mood), decides to bail (also a mood). He slows a little when Die-Hardman says the hero doesn’t need to be named, they all know who it is and they’re all for grateful for their efforts. He keeps walking and exits into the hall and wow, BRIDGES buildings are a lot bigger than you’d think from looking at the outside which is large in general but inside is... a lot.

- Deadman catches up with him and drops some information about Die-Hardman aka John. Which I think Sam already knew due to the sequence while trapped on the beach but oh well. Sam continues down the hall and tries to pass Die-Hardman who appeared from somewhere? I’m going to guess parts of the facility loop or there was a change in scenery and I just wasn’t paying enough attention. He confesses information about his past, including how he got his name, and kinda has an emotional breakdown which made me very sad for him and increased the number of times i cried while playing this game. Sam gives Die-Hardman/John back his gun and repeats Amelie/Bridget’s words and leaves.

- Sam goes to leave the building and runs into Deadman again who hands over Lou’s pod and... Lou’s dead. Which was very depressing and the knowledge of which hurt. A lot. Deadman tells him to take Lou to the incinerator and takes Sam’s cuffs offline while giving some useful information: his location is undetectable by BRIDGES while his cuffs are offline and they will automatically reconnect to the network when he uses the incinerator. Sam nods, gives Deadman a hug and tells him “thanks for everything”. Which is more than a thank you, it’s a good-bye and kojima has now broken my heart into five billion pieces. Sam departs, gets out the big door, and... oh hey, Fragile!

- They chat briefly, during which she reveals that she’s carrying on her father’s legacy and that Fragile Express now has a private contract with BRIDGES and they’re the first independent company to have it. Good for them! She comments on Lou (I think) and remarks that he at least shouldn’t need an umbrella. Then asks him if he’d work for her. Sam says no and explains how he felt when he first began his journey and reveals he still feels that way (and now i’m even more sad! let’s take the five billion pieces that are my heart and just shove them in blender at this point, why not!). Fragile is upset and I think she tried to stop him again but he left anyways. 

- Thus begins the trek to the incinerator with BB’s Theme playing on the way there (it’s a wonder i could even see the tv at this point as the ending just keeps hammering the sad nail home). Finally made it to the incinerator taking the same path I did on the first visit (thanks Igor for the tools!) and Sam enters the building, takes off his cuffs and sets both those and Lou’s pod down on the incinerator before he remembers Deadman’s words. He snatches Lou’s pod back just in time and the slab descends into the floor, the doors seal shut, and turn his cuffs into ashes. It’s revealed that Sam took Lou out of the pod and not much has changed. He tries infant cpr and hearing his words the entire time literally had me sobbing. Sam says “come on baby’ and he’s crying (i’m crying and now the blended pieces of my heart are being run over by a steam-roller) until he finally gives up... and then... Lou lives! There are a bunch of baby BT’s floating nearby in the incinerator which is a little concerning, but hey Lou’s alive! Sam cradles little Lou to his chest and she’s so tiny⏤ her little skull is barely the size of his palm! Anyways, Sam and Lou walk outside and it starts to rain... but the sun is shining, the rain causes no harm to him or Lou (or Sam’s clothing) and a rainbow appears. The first normal rainbow in the entire game. Which is a good sign, I think? The title screen appears once more and woo! I beat the game!

This was a very unique and fun game, and I can honestly say I enjoyed every minute of it. Between the music, the environment, the characters, and all the lore you can uncover by reading Sam’s mail... it was an amazing experience. I still have some trophies I’m missing and I think I only need 10 more to platinum the game so I’ll be playing chapter 15 for a little while longer. Plus I want to rebuild all the roads + find all the memory chips. I do want to replay the game in it’s entirety sometime just to see what i pick up on ahead of time the second go-around. And, while I may have beat the game, this is going to be another one of my forever fandoms. I don’t have much contributed right now, but I hope to have more things posted soon now that I know the whole story. if anyone ever wants to chat about the game, fic, or anything, feel free to send me a message!

[zeldauniverse]

Fitness games have had an interesting journey through the annals of video game history. From the Power Pad on the NES to Dance Dance Revolution’s dance mat, they have seen a lot of ups and downs. It wasn’t until the launch of the Wii and Wii Fit when fitness games became a huge deal. Why just play video games or just go to the gym when you can do both at the same time?! That proved successful as Wii Fit (and its enhanced version Wii Fit Plus) sold a combined 43.8 million units, making it one of the best-selling games of all time, even beating out games like The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim.

Since then, everyone has tried their version of a fitness game, but nowadays fitness games are becoming less common. Once people started getting tired of that type of game, most companies and developers changed course and began work on other things. Not only that, most fitness games present themselves as exactly what they are. “Oh you’re called ‘Fitness Boxing’? So you box to the beat and do fitness? Cool.” They stay in their lane and don’t try to be anything else.

This is where Ring Fit Adventure, the latest game from Nintendo EPD, tries to break the wheel. From the initial teaser in early September to the announcement trailer, we saw people having fun with a ring and a strap, and then we found out it was an RPG. It feels like someone went, “Final Fantasy, but Wii Fit?!”

It’s not exactly a combination you’d think were synonymous with each other. However, Ring Fit Adventure manages to blend them well enough to harbor an enjoyable experience while also making you sweat.

Full Disclosure Nintendo of America graciously provided us with a review copy of Ring Fit Adventure for the Switch. This review is based on version 1.1.1. As such, the new additions will be accounted for.

Meet the newest Switch accessory

What’s interesting about Ring Fit Adventure is that it markets itself as an adventure game. You fight monsters, explore fictional lands, and collect items on your quest. It just so happens to be an adventure game that you control with your body.

Ring Fit Adventure’s centerpiece is the unique pair of controllers you use: the Ring-Con and the Leg Strap. The Ring-Con is a heavily modified Pilates ring. The main difference is that Pilates rings normally have two hard plastic handles with concave sides with padding so it can be comfortable when doing thigh workouts. The Ring-Con replaces those handles with some small padding for your hands. As someone used to a normal Pilates ring, it feels a little strange, but it’s something you get used to. Then there’s the Ring-Con attachment itself, where you put the right Joy-Con. The Joy-Con’s accelerometer and gyroscope detect the Ring-Con’s position, whether you’re pushing in on the sides or pulling them away from each other. The IR sensor also tracks your heart rate by placing your right thumb over the sensor. It seemed to be fairly accurate, as it was within a 1 or 2 bpm difference when compared to my Apple Watch.

The Leg Strap is far less high tech — it’s literally a thing that you strap to the center of your left thigh and put the left Joy-Con in. That’s it. The Joy-Con itself does the work of making sure your leg is in the right position for the exercises thanks to its gyro and accelerometer.

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Admittedly, the story doesn’t try too hard to immerse you, but it still tries.

At the end of the day, however, the technology is nonetheless impressive.

One thing I do appreciate about the game is that Nintendo tries to make this game a circular experience. When you load into your file, the game asks if you want to warm up with some dynamic stretches before you jump in  so you can get your body ready and avoid straining or injuring yourself. During the game itself, it’ll ask you after a while if you want to keep going or cool down. When you decide you’re done for the day, the game asks if you want to do some static stretching as a means to cool down. This structure gives a nice arc that, as someone with a movement background, I appreciate.

I’m going on an Adventure!

The story is fairly standard. You control an athlete who meets a sentient ring, and together you explore the world and fight a bodybuilding dragon named Dragaux (yes, you read that correctly). You explore many worlds, help people along the way, and gain new abilities by constantly butting heads with Dragaux.

The plot is cookie cutter, but it also doesn’t try to be anything it isn’t. The basic story line works here. It’s moderately self-aware in parts, and it’s mostly enjoyable. It’s a tad basic at times, and Ring (the only character who is fully voiced) tends to repeat lines a bit, but it’s not enough to ruin the experience.

Expecting too much from the story would be a mistake, but it will help you pretend it’s not just exercise.

The game itself is very straight forward. Levels consist of two different modes — exploration and combat. The exploration is on rails, which makes sense because you move in one of two ways, either jogging or running in place or by doing small bends (what Nintendo calls “silent mode”). Silent mode is supposed to be a way to play the game without disturbing people by running in place. It was also the mode I used more because I dislike running.

As you traverse the levels, you can pull and push the Ring-Con to release gusts of air to hit boxes and suck up coins. Additionally, you can use the Ring-Con in other positions for specific actions, like pointing it down in order to jump, twisting it from side to side to row across a river, or pushing inward with your abs to destroy rocks blocking your way. You’ll gain experience as you continue, making you more formiddable in combat.

Speaking of combat, it plays out like a traditional turn-based RPG. You attack by doing various exercises from one of four different groups: Arms (upper body), Stomach (core), Legs (lower body), and Yoga (dynamic poses). The game telegraphs how long you hold the pose and then the release of it triggers the attack. Some of the exercises make you hold position for a while (the squats are rough), while others have you move to the beat. Certain enemies are affected more by specific moves; for example, red enemies are susceptible to exercises focusing on upper body. You get to decide what exercise to use, or you can shuffle the exercises, so there is a variety. The game also aids you in combat with lots of outfits and smoothies, Ring Fit’s equivalent to potions. Outfits have a set attack and defense stat like any armor in a typical RPG. There are also smoothies to consume, which have various effects ranging from from healing damage to boosting attacks of a specific type.

You face Dragaux multiple times through your adventure, and he does have some variety in his attacks. He’ll occasionally throw boxes at you that you have to shoot with the Ring-Con, in addition to just flat out attacking you. The game also doesn’t penalize you should you die in boss battles either — it will let you just skip right to the boss fight if you want to. That choice is nice.

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Ring Fit Adventure sticks fairly well to many traditional RPG elements.

That includes the nemesis that monologues and swears this meeting will be the last.

It’s not as complex as franchises like Final Fantasy or Pokémon, but it does enough to be enjoyable. And with 20 worlds to explore, there is enough content here to last you at least 20-30 hours of just adventuring alone. Additionally, during your quest, you’ll come across certain minigames. These minigames, like trying to get points by tilting your body side to side, add an extra bit of variety to the overall gameplay.

Ironically, where Ring Fit Adventure drops the ball a bit is in its overall design and music. When I think of an adventure game or an RPG, I expect a vast array of beautiful trees, vistas and dungeons. Ring Fit sets its levels in one of three locations — a trail through nature, where you explore vistas and go through caves; a wooden obstacle course built in a dojo-looking area complete with treadmills, hoops, and more; and a ruins area for the boss fights. It got to a point where I noticed how often the areas cycle between each level. After a while, it does start to feel stale.

Ring Fit Adventure’s music is pulsing, upbeat, and modern to pump you up, but most of it is also forgettable.

Music is vital to how RPGs and adventure games create the mood you should experience in combat and cutscenes. Ring Fit’s music is pulsing, upbeat, and modern to pump you up for the exercises you perform. This is great for a fitness-centric game; however, most of the music is a bit forgettable. The music often gets drowned out by the sound effects and Ring’s lines, and, when you do hear it, it doesn’t really feel like I’m a hero exploring the world and fighting monsters. I feel like I’m in a fitness studio. For a game that’s marketed to be an adventure game first, it feels like they came too short.

Additional fun to be had

Of course, the adventure is only one part of Ring Fit Adventure. The game also provides some additional modes if you don’t have time to spend on the main campaign. The Quick Play mode has a fairly robust set of minigames and exercises you can do, separated into three categories: simple challenges (where the goal is to get the highest reps possible); minigames (more specific exercise with concrete goals, like making pottery while squatting to raise and lower the hands); and sets (consisting of pre-selected exercises from upper arms to glutes or from aerobics to flexibility). You can adjust the strength setting to make things easier or more challenging depending on your ability, and these modes are a very good way to quickly target a small set of muscles.

Your scores for these are also put online to see how well you stack up against other players. At this point, the rankings are all that online is really utilized for. It’s sort of disappointing that Nintendo didn’t add a way to play the adventure mode with online co-op, but maybe that’s just me.

There’s also Custom Mode, where you can make your own workouts using all sorts of different exercises. They have some preset options, or you can pick and choose from the standard Upper Body, Core, Lower body, and Yoga menus.

At least the devs acknowledge you’ll be binging Netflix at some point. “Multitasking,” indeed.

Lastly, there’s Multitask Mode, where you can work out using only the Ring-Con while you’re not playing the game. Basically it records the number of presses and pulls you do with the Ring-Con while the Switch is in sleep mode or turned off. Once it’s enabled with the right stick, you can continue doing other activities, like watching The Mandalorian on Disney+ (at least that’s what I’m doing) and exercise while you do it. The next time you boot up the game, you’ll get a bonus in the Adventure Mode according to how many presses you did. It does limit you to 500 reps, which seems low to me, but considering that most people are going to just sit and watch a movie or a TV show for more than two hours while exercising, I understand.

A nice way to gamify exercise

Despite the story falling a bit short, Ring Fit Adventure is still a very enjoyable experience with a lot of replay value. It has several different modes to play, a terrific variety of exercises, and is great if you want to get some workouts in when you don’t feel like leaving the house because of bad weather. If you’re a fan of the hardcore mechanics of RPGs like The Elder Scrolls, Final Fantasy or Pokémon, Ring Fit may be basic, but that’s not what it places its emphasis on. The mechanics are accessible so that anyone can pick it up and enjoy it, and maybe It’ll get people into traditional RPGs. The only thing holding it back is not doubling down on the adventure/RPG genre in terms of scenarios and music.

Score 7.5/10

Review: Ring Fit Adventure may be basic, but it nevertheless makes exercise fun Fitness games have had an interesting journey through the annals of video game history. From the Power Pad on the NES to…

[secretsfromwholecloth]

Dragon Age: Origins, day 12.

Crashing while I’m trying to load up last night’s save? That’s new.

Anora, dear, Alix would really just love it if you’d stop this nonsense and vacate her boyfriend’s chair. No? Ah, well, she tried.

I could listen to Riordan all day. All. Day.

Alistair, sweetheart, of course Alix remembered. You’re not the only one who had Duncan (and his war gear) there at a big time in their life. Do you, ah, recognize the dagger strapped to her left shoulder at all?

So. Party for the Landsmeet. I have a decision to make. Alistair is obviously necessary, but I have two more slots after that. It looks like the only combat is going to be the one-on-one duel with Loghain, so Wynne isn’t a no-brainer like she is normally, though I don’t know, she might want to be there for her new son’s big day. Sten makes in-character sense for “scary bodyguard” reasons. So Sten and Wynne it is, I think.

Alix would really rather not fight Cauthrien again, not after how last time went, but if this damned woman keeps refusing to see sense...whew, she stood down. There’s a good ser, now stay well out of Alix’s way.

Ooh, rousing speech time! I love rousing speech time!

Loghain characterizing Alix as Alistair’s “puppeteer” is deeply uncharitable, but it’s hard to call him wrong. If you ask her, she’s merely sheltering him until he has time to grow into someone who can rule effectively on his own and doesn’t need her whispering in his ear every second, so that she can get on with her own work, of which there’s sure to be quite a lot—rebuilding the Ferelden branch of the Wardens on top of all the usual queen stuff like maintaining relations outside the palace, seeing to the royal household, and eventually either popping out a kid by some miracle or finding some other way to secure the succession.

I’d almost forgotten what game I was playing, but then Loghain yelled about rape and insulted Eamon for apparently being fat. Thanks for the reminder!

OK, duel time. Another decision to make: In-character, it makes sense to either have Alix fight herself or have Alistair do it. Or even Sten, who’s there specifically as muscle.

Alix took down Howe, it’s only fair to give Alistair a go at the man who played a similar role in his life.

This is going to be fiddly—I’m used to letting the AI deal with him unless he’s in immediate danger, so I’m less familiar with the use of his abilities than I might be. Lots of pausing, lots of poultices. Come on, kid, we can get through this.

Welp, that’s that taken care of. Alistair, kid, I’m sorry, I could really have gotten you here in a better way, but rest assured that Alix loves you and takes her responsibility to you as (literally) the poor bastard she dragged along on her revenge coup very seriously. You’ll have all the help she can give you in adjusting to being king.

Yes, this is the sound of me desperately headcanoning my fuckups to be less bad and swearing to redo this route one day, because I absolutely owe Alistair some nice things after all this.

And now, we level ‘em up, kit ‘em out, and pray.

...oh, this is that bug where Leliana thinks you were dating and gets hurt and shocked by your engagement to Alistair, isn’t it. Come on, Leliana, I don’t appreciate having to get sharp with you for no reason.

Ah. Here we go. Morrigan is making her offer of the dark ritual. Now, look, considering who perpetrated this bit of writing, I do wonder if the idea was to translate the emotional impact of compulsory heterosexuality for a presumed straight audience. If it is, I am 100% not the person to critique it on that level; as far as the outside world is concerned, I’m a cishet woman slinging strange words around to seem special, and this is very much not my lane. But the particulars launch it into the realm of simple misogyny and rapeyness, and those are things I can speak on. So. I don’t like it. Maker spare me from white dude writers who find the violation of others’ boundaries and bodily and mental integrity absolutely fascinating. Someone please tell sir that this isn’t edgy and cool, it’s creepy.

You know, I’ve said the same thing about Av*ll*ne more than once during Pillars or KotOR playthroughs. But at least he’s subtle about it and tucks the rapey stuff away in backstories or behind metaphors! Never thought I’d be pining for that guy, I swear to God.

The “It must be him, and it must be tonight!” bit—OK, we’re clearly playing a fun game of How Much Creepy Can We Load Into One Conversation. Yaaaaaay.

So. We’ve got the dodgy consent thing, we’ve got the “women are scary witches after men’s precious bodily fluids” thing that’s been going on the entire time with Morrigan, glad to see it all in the fucking open. So to speak. *sigh*

Anyway. In-character: Alix has asked a whole hell of a lot of her fiancé over the last few days. Maybe not been too considerate at times. Now there’s one more thing. It’s a big one. He’d be within his rights to hate her for it. Please let him not hate me, she thinks. I only want him to live. I only want us to live.

And yes, she was absolutely mortified to explain the whole thing to him. Pretty much ready to have a panic attack the whole time.

...does Morrigan think the issue here is jealousy? Oh, honey, no. Alix had her whole life to get used to the idea of her future husband potentially having a mistress, a one-off sexual encounter with someone he has no desire to go back to is nothing. No, her worries are a. that this is hurting him and b. that you could wreak all sorts of havoc with a child housing an Old God even if he never presses his claim to the throne. In that order.

I can’t speak for anyone else, but I did not need that cutscene in my life.

Headcanon: Alix and her various boyfriends have had a thing for bathing each other since she was a teenager. It’s a way to fuss over each other and have physical contact that’s only as sexual as you want it to be. So while there wasn’t time for a proper bath, you bet your ass that before she sent Alistair off with Morrigan, she told him she’d be ready with a basin and a rag if he could still stand the sight of her afterwards.

Aw, Alistair’s rousing speech before the battle is rather sweet.

Final party: Alistair and Wynne, my usual undroppables, obviously. I think I need another combat wombat, but does that mean someone tanky, or does it mean a second rogue? Hm, I think I could do with Shale, she picked up some pretty sweet skills at her last level-up.

Aww, mama Wynne is proud of her new daughter.

Really, all of the goodbye speeches are sweet.

And with that, it might behoove me to go get some sleep and finish up tomorrow.

[thedarkestdragonknight]

Jacques Headcanons: Dragon Information

Thanks to @talechaser-ffxiv​ who sent me this so that I can share it here finally! Hope this helps with Jacques and once I get his backstory and history/what have you done so people have the general idea of where he has come from and what he has suffered through! Seriously this woman is too good for me I swear

1. Dragons have been shown to be able to change their shape, as well as their size (Midgardsormr).

2. Dragons have been shown to be able to fall in love with mortals under certain circumstances (Hraesvelgr).

3. It seems to be possible for Spoken races to turn into some form of dragonkin, though there mostly seems to be a prerequisite for them to have consumed the eyes of a dragon or be descendants of people who have (everyone in Ishgard).

4. Ishgardians who drink dragon blood do eventually change back into their normal form but develop an addiction to the dragon blood.

5. The Allagans are known to have been doing experiments in regards to cloning (Solus), creating life (Ixals), and dealing with Primals (Bahamut), as well as having had Tiamat restrained for a long fucking time, providing a sample of Dragon that is readily available for experimentation.

6. The Garleans have been shown to be replicating the experiments and technology of the Allagans.

7. There are Garleans out there who actually want to find a way to harness the Primals (Zenos), meaning that it’s quite possible for there to be others (likely bankrolled by Zenos himself, or others with the power to do so) interested in this technology

If a detailed history is needed to make this more lore-friendly: it’s quite possible that Jacques has someone in his bloodline from ages and ages and ages ago who had the ability to become a dragon, and possibly in said form ended up conceiving a child, making the dragon blood more potent in the bloodline.  This bloodline (if Ishgardian) then somehow ended up mixing with Xaela blood until the Elezen blood was minimal, leaving predominantly Au Ra features and a smattering of dragon blood.  The Garlean experiments likely made the dragon blood more potent.

This is something I sorely needed because I am always terrified of all the things involving Jacques’ past and his history. For the most part he was thirteen when his parents were killed in a Garlean invasion and then he found himself at the mercy of people in the labs where he suffered through a lot of experiments that were done to him for twenty years more or less canonly. 

I’m always scared to just... bring anything like this up in any form (Asks, RP, etc.) because I am scared people will well attack me (like people did from my past) because of it. It’s why much of Jacques’ information at times is kept private or is literally non-existant at the moment save for details scattered about through the blog itself (that I likely forgot about). I’ve slowly been getting better about sharing more and more about Jacques, but I continue to have this fear of what might happen or what could happen if people do not like it.

I’m just bad at these things these days I suppose. I want to share but I’m always too scared to share if you know what I mean. So thanks again to @talechaser-ffxiv​ for helping me with these little points and hopefully I’ll actually get to writing that story of Jacques getting out of the Praetorium. Now to decide if I want to run through the damn thing to get screenshots or if I want to avoid that because the unskippable cutscenes now.

[heartofhryule]

Breath of the Wild: Captured Memories - Chapter 6

First and foremost; SPOILER WARNINGS. If you have not played The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, or completed the Captured Memories Quest and want to stay unspoilered for it, DO NOT READ. Keep Reading link provided for that reason. So I am writing these as I play through BotW for the first time - which means they probably won’t be ‘one-a-day’ consistent - I have finally gotten all of the memories, but not yet gone for the final fight at Hyrule Castle. #Soon. I will post them as I can though! Promise! I also plan to include links to the cutscene for you to watch at the bottom, if so desired - at least for the ones I can find. Any other warnings that become necessary, I will add for content as I go. For now, enjoy!

Hot hot hot! lol

I really like Daruk in all the cinematics. Optimistic, forthright, stalwart, devoted to his land and kingdom, and ever in support of the Hero - he's a solid dude, no pun intended. While EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THIS GAME is hard to write, this one was less hard just because Daruk is such a cool character. I predict Urbosa will be similar. I. Love. Her. #UrbosaIsBestChampion #SaltyBirdRivaliTakeNotes

One thing I try to do with the cinematics from the games, is not add too much if any dialog for Link - since of course in game he doesn't speak. If I continue with a scene after the cinematic ends in the game, that's one thing. When we get to the Silent Princess memory with the frog, trust me, there will be more. But there are times where at least when writing, its a little awkward that Link says literally nothing - so, while I don't want to add TOO much, so that you basically can watch the cinematic (links provided at the ends of chapters) and then read this for "a little bit more", I did add a line or two in a few chapters now, and I foresee this trend continuing. Nothing extreme, but I felt it needed acknowledgement.

Speaking of Rivali the Salty Bird... his chapter will be next. I swear to Hylia, I wanted to strangle that stupid parakeet. He's a badass... but so, so obnoxious. So, here we go! I'll try and have Salty Bird up as soon as I can, and thank you for staying tuned!

Chapter 6 - Daruk’s Mettle Hot. Hot hot hot. Volcanos were hot. Sure, his Flameproof armor bought in town, and his elixirs helped. But it was still hooooot. Things were looking more familiar nowadays. He didn’t remember faces or names, but things were feeling… familiar. Like he knew he’d been to Goron City before in more than just his memory of Zelda saying they would be heading there. He’d had a feeling he knew where the shop was, and had been right. 

He felt as though it had already been a lifetime since he’d awakened in the Shrine of Resurrection feeling lost, drifting outside of time, detached, frustrated and alone.

But then, he’d never truly been alone.

Zelda’s voice had awakened him. Zelda’s voice spoke to him, to warn him of the Blood Moon each time it rose, or when he needed to know something very important. Her voice called his name in his dreams, and he had begun dreaming of her - from before. Snippets here and there. A white dress, a spring, her tears. Things that when he woke slipped through his fingers if her tried to grasp too hard, but it was enough to fuel him forward. Landmarks were familiar now - perhaps not why, but sometimes, it came to him.

Like looking at the carving of Daruk in the side of Death Mountain, he’d known it, and the memory had come rushing back.

***

They had been standing atop Vah Rudania, traversing the side of Death Mountain in the great, hot wind of the mostly quiet volcano.

“Yeah! I think I’m finally getting the hang of controlling this Divine Beast!” Daruk exclaimed proudly. It wasn’t a boast of vanity, but rather an honest statement of pride and hope from a Goron of integrity. Link knew that, he could feel it. He remembered Daruk, and that he liked him a great deal.

“I’ll tell you what… it sure is a blast piloting a toy like this around!” Link smirked incredulously at his friend and shook his head. A lumbering, enormous piece of ancient technology that they barely understood… and Daruk called it a toy. That was the Goron Champion in a nutshell.

“Let those other champions know,” the rock eater continued, “They’ll have to eat their gravel if they want to keep up with Daruk!” The Goron looked around them, drawing Link’s eye and smile to the scenery. “Speaking of which, can you believe this view?” Just look at all those delectable rocks sprinkled on those mountains… Mighty tasty.”

Link chuckled and cut his eyes to Daruk, knowing the Goron sometimes forgot other races didn’t eat rocks. He would have to take the Champion’s word for it. “It really is a great view, my friend.”

Sharing a few moments of companionable silence, Daruk was the next to speak. “I may not know a whole lot about the Calamity Ganon thing… but mark my words: I will protect this land of ours to the death.” Fist clenched with the vigor of his oath, Daruk grinned and raised his other hand saying, “Right, little guy?”

It happened too fast for Link to dodge or mitigate, and when Daruk slapped him on the back in friendship, it knocked the wind right out of the Hylian Knight. Link gasped and leaned forward, eyes bulging a little as he reached up to what would no doubt be a great bruise on his back by evening.

“Hey, by the way…. Congrats on becoming the princess’s appointed knight. That’s a really big deal! Protecting the King's daughter,” Daruk chuckled, “No pressure.” Still trying to catch his breath and recover from the Goron’s platonic affection, Link winced and nodded but looked to the sky.

“Seriously, though. The Princess is a strong personality - so strong she can’t quite see the range for the peaks,” the Goron Champion added with a scratch of his head. “Remember that, and you’ll be fine.”

No sooner had Daruk finished than a great rumbling started around them. “Huh?” Daruk said and turned his eyes to the mountain. Link thought at first in might have been Vah Rudania beneath them. But when the ancient, mechanical salamander had stopped and seemed to be as it ever was, he too looked to Death Mountain.

Daruk was frowning now. “What the-?”

As they watched, boulders came flying from over the peak of which they stood in the shadow. One, flew directly at them, like a meteor plummeting to the earth. With a great cry, Daruk spread his large arms, balled his hands into fists, and smashed his knuckles together. Just as the boulder would have struck him and also Link, a great angular barrier of red-orange light - like the fires of Death Mountain itself - appeared around them, deflecting the wayward and deadly debris.

“Alright, so what was I saying?” For a moment, Daruk seemed nervously dismissive until he saw the serious and concerned look on Link’s face. That had not been normal, and if Link understood that, Daruk had to know as well.

Turning back to the mountain, Daruk’s voice was a touch softer as he said, “That was a little strange…” They both observed their surroundings and the volcano about for a collection of heartbeats. When it seemed no other boulders were to become airborne, Daruk looked down to Link. “As far as I know, Death Mountain has been quiet for decades. But if the mountain is shivering enough to send down boulders that size, then--”

The Goron paused, and Link turned to raise an eyebrow at him. Daruk just kept his eyes on the volcano. “Nevermind. Forget I said anything.”

With a look of incredulity, Link crossed his arms. “Then what, Daruk? Do we need to leave the mountain, is there fiery death coming for us all and I need to get the princess out of here yesterday… what?”

Daruk was silent as the stones for a long, breathless moment as his blue eyes beheld his beloved mountain. “I don’t know, little buddy, I don’t know. And that, is what worries me.” The sense of foreboding Link felt at those words should have told him then, things were going to go wrong…

***

As the memory faded, Link scrubbed both hands over his face. Daruk; strong, honest, proud, brave Daruk. His friend. They couldn’t have known, not really. It was not as though a few wayward boulders screamed, “Run from the hills! Ganon is coming!”

But a part of him still felt like he should have known.

There was nothing for it now. Like Mipha, Daruk’s spirit was trapped inside the corrupted Vah Rudania. Yes, Link needed the Divine Beasts to aid in his assault on Hyrule Castle and Ganon. More to his immediate point, he wanted to free Daruk. It was the least he could do for his old friend. But, he was going to need help. All he had to do was find this Yunobo and get up the mountain.

Somehow, he had a feeling that was going to be much harder than it sounded.

---

Once again, Link found himself standing over the main control panel of a Divine Beast, knowing that once activated, he would not be coming back. The Fireblight Ganon had been trying, and he was hot, tired and covered in ash. But one thought had bounced around his mind the entire time he fought - he was fighting for a friend he had failed 100 years ago. The knight hoped that, like Mipha, perhaps he would get to see Daruk one last time.

As the Main Control came alight under his Shiekah Slate, the plant like structure of the ancient controls turned blue, Link heard a cheer from a familiar deep voice. “Great work, little guy!”

Turning, Link smiled to see Daruk, mostly intangible, but no less a present force than he had ever been in life. Arms out in victory and gratitude, he took a step forward. Link squared up to greet him, swallowing against the rise of emotion in his chest. “I owe you big for this. Because of you, my spirit is finally free. Can’t thank you enough!”

The Goron Champion scratched his head in the gesture Link had come to remember meant Daruk was nervous, confused, or apologetic. “I feel like I should apologize. I was doing all I could to protect Hyrule when that thing got the best of me. Sorry that me resting with the rubble caused such a mess.”

The knight nodded, and took a breath to assure his old friend that it wasn’t his fault, but Daruk continued. “The good news is, is that Rudania is now back under our control! That means that our century old Ganon beat-down plan can finally go into effect!” As the embers flickered in their ever ascending dance around them, Link had to drop his eyes at Daruk’s optimism. He felt responsible somehow, if not for the cause then at the very least for the resolution. He owed that to Daruk, and Mipha… and Zelda.

“I’m gonna take this thing down the mountain. I’ll have a better shot from there. And then, once you’ve made your way into Hyrule Castle,” Daruk clenched his fists in front of him, “We’re gonna light that thing up!” Slamming one fist in to the palm of the opposite hand, Link nodded, not trusting his voice.

“I wanna give you something. It’s a special power of mine called Daruk’s Protection. It’s no good to me now that I’m a spirit… but it might be useful for you.” Slapping his hands together, even in spirit Link felt the tremor in Vah Rudania from the great Goron’s strength. “Here it comes!”

Pooling energy grew between the Champion’s hands as he drew them apart, and when the red orb entered link this time, it was warm, and fire licked throughout his aura. He instantly knew how to summon the power. Planting his feet and punching his fists together in front of him, the angular-sphere encompassed him as he had seen it around Daruk over a century ago.

Looking up to Daruk with deep gratitude and sadness, knowing their time was drawing to a close, Link worked his hands as the tingle of magic faded. Daruk just smiled. “From this moment forward, the power of protection, from the depths of my soul, now lives in you.”

Link wanted to, felt he should say something, but the glow of golden energy around him heralded that Daruk was sending him to safety. Looking back to his friend, Daruk nodded. “Good luck, little guy. And… give my regards to the princess!” With one last flash of light, Link was gone.

Daruk’s Mettle - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UzrJlTjHjag  Freeing Vah Rudania - https://youtu.be/IFvkz_oA-m8?t=335 

[askdarus]

Important Cutscene: The Big Change 2.0

“Bab,” Judith cooed.

“Yes, he’s a baby,” Paul smiled, sitting in the grass with Judith as Richie sat in his lap, leaning his little back on his chest. He kissed Richie’s head softly, “He’s me and Uncle Daryl’s baby.”

Richie grabbed a fistful of grass and pulled it out of the ground, looking at it with interest and causing Judith to giggle.

Paul smiled softly at them and a chill went up his spine when Eduardo yelled from the gate.

“WE GOT COMPANY!” he called.

Paul immediately stood up, picking up both Richie and Judith easily and getting ready to turn to take them to Barrington.

“It’s Carson!” Kal added, “And Father Gabriel.”

Paul’s face broke out into a grin and he looked at Jerry, who was nearby, “Jerry, can you-”

“Go ahead, man,” Jerry laughed, “It’s a big reunion,” he said, taking Richie and Judith from Paul’s arms.

Paul kissed Richie’s cheek before hurrying over to the gate. He immediately threw himself into his friend’s arms.

“Christ, Jesus,” Harlan grunted, but hugged him back.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” Paul breathed out.

“Well, sort of,” Gabriel said from beside him, gesturing down.

Paul pulled away and his eyes widened when he saw Harlan’s leg. He immediately supported Harlan’s other side, starting towards the trailer, “ALEX! SIDDIQ!” he called.

“Got another replacement already?” Harlan laughed weakly.

Paul rolled his eyes and continued towards the trailer, “Could never replace you, doc.”

“How is Maggie?” Harlan asked, lying back on the table, “Oh and Richie? He’s been growing properly, right? What about Ms. Maitlin? She has asthma and she’s on her feet all the time-”

“You’re literally getting stitches in your leg, doc,” Alex sighed, “I’ve been taking care of everything, don’t worry. And with Siddiq here, it’s been great,” he threw the other man a smile, “You should see some of the things they were showing new medical students, man.”

Harlan just rolled his eyes, “Don’t think we’re going to try anything new. I have specific charts-”

“You aren’t doing anything for a while,” Alex told him, “You have to stay off your leg to avoid infection, doc. We’re lucky we didn’t have to…” he trailed off, shaking his head, “Stay here, I’m going to go get some of those antibiotics you brought back.”

“Wait,” Harlan said quickly, “What about Gabriel?”

“Out cold,” Siddiq told him, “For good reason. He needs rest. He’ll be fine.”

“You could have lost your leg,” Paul said bluntly, leaning by the door, “And you’re worry about everyone else.”

“Part of being in the medical field,” Alex threw him a smile.

Paul just rolled his eyes, “In your professional medical opinion,” he said, exaggerating his words, “Is he going to be okay? We have about three communities of people outside waiting to know.”

Alex smiled softly, “They’re both going to be okay,” he said before heading outside.

“How are you feeling?” Paul asked quietly, walking into the bedroom.

Daryl just grunted.

“Sorry you got your feet wet,” Paul gave him a smirk as he sunk down onto the bed, rolling so he straddled his hips, “I know getting anything close to a bath makes you all grumpy,” he said, giving him a teasing look.

Daryl snorted out a laugh and rolled them before Paul could get the jump on him. He pinned his arms down and kissed his neck quickly.

Paul laughed weakly, “Missed you too.”

“Brat,” Daryl grunted against his neck.

Paul just smiled up at him, “Daryl?”

“Hm?” Daryl asked, looking down at him.

“We had a good day today,” Paul said softly, pulling his hand out of his grasp easily and touching his cheek softly, “Wanna go for a walk?”

Daryl started to shake his head.

“C’mon,” Paul said softly, “Just the two of us, Vi is here and has a monitor for Richie...it’ll be fine.”

“Ain’t-” Daryl started.

“We’ll be safe,” Paul told him quietly, “I just...I want to spend time with you; normal time. Just the two of us,” he whispered.

Daryl took a deep breath and shook his head, “Nah,” he sighed, flopping down beside him, “Ain’t worth the risk. Just got back.”

Paul sighed, “Daryl, come on-”

“No,” Daryl snapped.

Paul raised an eyebrow at him.

“Sorry,” Daryl grumbled, “Just...place is crawlin’ with Saviors all over the damn place. Don’t need to take no risks or-”

“And we’re smart,” Paul said, rolling over so he was lying on his chest, “C’mon...me and you...let’s go out and climb a tree. We can get outta here for a while.”

Daryl sighed, flopping his head back on the pillow, “You’re a real asshole, y’know that?”

“I know,” Paul smirked, kissing his cheek softly, “I’ll get my boots.”

“This is nice,” Paul said softly, “Look at the stars, Daryl.”

Daryl just grunted, not looking away from the path in front of them, his hand on his gun as they walked. His free hand was linked with Paul’s, keeping him as close to him as he could.

“One day,” Paul told him, “We’ll be able to do this all the time.”

Daryl didn’t ignore him, per se. He was listening, he just decided not to respond and tell Paul that the idea of that was delusional in their world.

He didn’t want to ruin Paul’s little bit of happiness.

“Should go back,” Daryl said already.

“I want to check the convenience store up the road,” Paul told him, “We’ll go there, then go back,” he gave him a pleading smile.

Daryl just rolled his eyes and tugged him closer.

Paul pressed a kiss to his cheek, smiling at him.

“Y’know, m’gettin’ real sick of you gettin’ me to do whatever ya want,” Daryl grumbled.

“I’d do whatever you want as well,” Paul told him, smiling.

“Be safe?” Daryl snorted.

“Well, within reason,” Paul laughing quietly.

Before Daryl could say anything back, they heard a scream from the convenience store, followed by the sound of crying.

Before Daryl could stop him, Paul ran.

So Daryl ran after him.

“Stop!” Daryl called, but his husband ran straight into the store.

There, inside the store, was a family. There was two women, a man, and a baby. Walkers were feasting on what was left of the man and the two women had bite marks on them, completely visible to them both.

“TAKE HER!” the woman screamed, thrusting the baby into Daryl’s arms, “THERE’S TOO MANY, GET HER OUT OF HERE-“ she started, but the back door had busted with a sickening creak.

“Go, out the front,” Daryl told Paul, grabbing his arm and dragging him out, keeping the baby close to him.

Paul winced when he heard a woman’s scream, but he was more focused on getting the hell out and getting the baby back to Hilltop.

“WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!” Maggie demanded, pacing back and forth in her office.

“We went for a walk,” Paul told her softly, “That was it. We didn’t go looking for trouble-“

“Daryl,” Maggie pointed to the door, “Get out, go see how the kid is doin’.”

Daryl looked between the two awkwardly before slipping out and closing the door behind him.

“Look,” Maggie said, leaning on the desk, “I-I get it, ya need out. But...not right now, okay? Ya just can’t, Paul.”

Paul looked down, “Maggie...it had to be fate. That baby would have died-“

“I don’t care what you call it,” Maggie snapped him, “Swear to me that you won’t do that again. I’m not losing anyone else, especially you.”

“Maggie-“ Paul started.

“Swear it,” Maggie told him.

Paul sighed, looking down, “I swear. Can I please go check on the baby now?”

“Yes,” Maggie told him, “And you’re on inventory for the next week.”

“That’s not f-“ Paul started but cut himself off, sighing, “Okay, it’s a little fair.”

“How is she, doc?” Paul asked quietly, walking in with Daryl.

“Scratches,” Siddiq breathed out.

Everyone in the room went silent.

“I-It could have been from the fight or something,” Paul said quickly, “We don’t know that-”

“Paul,” Daryl shook his head.

“We don’t know that she’s infected,” Paul told them quickly, “We-”

“We need to wait it out,” Harlan told them all from where he was sitting at his desk now, going over papers, “She’ll stay here for the next couple of days,” he looked down at the paper and then looked up at Paul and Daryl, “Did you guys get the baby’s name by any chance?”

“No, they were…” Paul trailed off, shaking his head, “There wasn’t time.”

“A Jane Doe then,” Alex sighed, “Until we come up with a name...and what to do with her.”

Daryl shuffled his feet, “If we’re namin’ ‘er...how about Meredith?”

Paul looked up at him.

“M-E-R...like the beginning of my brother’s name,” he explained, his cheeks heating up slightly.

“If she makes it...Meredith,” Harlan told them, a small smile on his face.

“She’ll make it,” Gabriel called from his place on the cot, weakly.

Harlan just rolled his eyes, going back to his paperwork.

“He’s right,” Paul said, kneeling down and looking at the baby in Siddiq’s arms, “She’s a fighter...I can feel it.”

[dlamp-dictator]

Allen’s End of the Year Rambling: Fighting Games

So now we get to the part of my End of the Year Rambling where I actually Ramble. This... this is gonna’ be a long one, and I haven’t even gotten to the RPGs yet... Lord help when I do. 

So yes, video games. I can’t just talk about everything in one go, I’ve played so much, played too much to be honest. So for the sake of my sanity I’ll be breaking this into genres, starting with fighting games.

I’ll be honest here, I’m not the best at fighting games. As much as I love a lot of the characters, as much as I enjoy writing lyrics to the character themes and fanfics for the lesser known  fighting games, I really couldn’t play at a competitive level for my life. My best game is Blazblue, and I can barely keep a 10% win rate on rank. 

No, my love of fighting games comes from the aesthetics and the animations.

Fighting games just tend to look very pretty in motion, and as someone that loves action and shounen and all that, games like these are right up my alley in terms of hitting those aesthetics. I don’t mind trying to learn how to play the game, but... well, “Git Gud” is a phrase that will forever haunt me for a reason. 

But yeah, I gave just about everything a shot as far as fighting games go this year. I played 2D fighters, 3D fighters, Brawlers, Side-Scrolling Beat-Em-Ups, and so on. If it went on sale on PSN or Steam, I tried it out. So here are some of the highlights and my general thoughts on some of these games.

So first I gotta’ talk about Guilty Gear Xrd Rev 2, Blazblue’s older brother in a way. I’m not gonna’ lie, my opinion of Guilty Gear is a tad... negative due to a lot of Guilty Gear fans putting down on Blazblue fans in the early years of Blazblue’s rising as a fighting game. I know I shouldn’t let that color my view of the game, but it does make it harder to make posts like this, and I can’t help but compare so many things in terms of characters and aesthetics. I tried a bit of Xrd when it came out, the original Xrd back in 2014. I mainly played Chipp and Ramlethal, then mostly Ramlethal since she was a bit easier than Chipp (online anyway). I liked a lot the visuals and animations, it was a bit grittier than Blazblue, and had a much easier story to follow despite being the 3rd (major) game in the series than the time-traveling, multi-dimensional, quantum-mechanical science-meets-magic craziness that was Blazblue. Hell, the voice casting was actually pretty good, even if it felt like they used literally 10 voice actors at times (I swear every English voice actor was playing at least 2 characters). I put it down after awhile and went back to Blazblue and Under Night In-Birth. 

What brought me back to Guilty Gear was actually Answer, and not Baiken to everyone’s surprise. As much as I love samurais and tough girls, Answer hit every single Ninja aesthetic I could ask for in the world of Guilty Gear. His suit, his style, how he talks on the phone while he fights, his theme, oh lord, his theme. I bought Rev 2 with every intent on Maining him.

Then I realized I had to learn how his scrolls worked to do that, and went right back to maining Ram.

As far as the story of Rev 2 goes, I... I really don’t care for it. I honestly didn’t bother with it after chapter 2. And honestly, it was because this game didn’t get dubbed. 

Yeah... sorry if I’m bringing up an old point of complaint, but when games have visual novel-style cutscenes, or a CG movie in the case of Guilty Gear, to showcase their story I’d really prefer a dub. It’s just easier for me personally to follow the information a bit more. The Japanese voice actors sound fine, and I do prefer Ramlethal’s Japanese voice as a oppose to Erin Fitzgerald if I’m being frank, but... I need a dub for these kinds of story scenes, hearing it in a language I understand helps me. There are exceptions, but they are few and far between, and I’m especially not cutting Guilty Gear a break because of that. The only reason I tolerated it in Blazblue is because it was the finale to Ragna’s story, and I was personally invested in Ragna’s character after 3 games. Sol and the cast of Guilty Gear... don’t get that advantage with me since was my first time really caring about the story. I played a bit of Guilty Gear XX beforehand, but not enough to care.

In terms of how it plays, it’s fine. Personally, I think Guilty Gear is way more strict with inputs. You can’t just fumble around with joystick and expect to combo into a DP like in Blazblue, you need to be accurate. You also have to account for close and far-ranged normals like with Slash and Heavy Slash. Guilty Gear is... just a different animal for me. A more strategic and precise one that punishes mistakes heavily.

I do like a lot about it though. It’s music definitely surpasses Blazblue in terms of quality, my favorites of the Rev 2 track is One Dawn, Dizzy’s theme, and Enough is Enough, Answer’s theme. I’m... trying get lyrics together for those songs, but... eh, it’ll take some times.

Next up, we’ve got Street Fighter 5. Admittedly, I’m not a huge fan of the Street Fighter series, but I do like a handful of character in the sense of aesthetics. Makoto and Ibuki are my favorites, but yeah, I actually bought this game since it was real cheap at the time and I wanted to see if I could actually get into it despite it’s focus on competitive play. I heard this game wasn’t for those looking for a single-player experience, but I needed to see that for myself.

And man, this game is actually tough. Sorry, for the sudden segue, but mechanics of Street Fighter so different to the fast-pace style of an ASW fighter. Doing combos is so hard for me. I know Guilty Gear was tough and punished mashing, but Street Fighter is so much slower paced with how you need to approach it. This game does not want you to button mash for combos. Like, at all. In fact, the main reason I like Ibuki so much is because she one of the few characters who has a handful of combos that you can mash. You need to time things carefully, and that makes things a nightmare for me in netplay sometimes.

But, back to my time with the game. I know I’m beating a dead horse with this critique, but the lack of a true arcade mode or any really single-player experience outside of Survival Mode really bugs me. As someone that isn’t good on a competitive level, nor has an interest in the competitive scene of Street Fighter, I feel like there’s nothing keeping me around. Maybe I could find a group of beginners like me and just pal around with them and improve, but... I don’t know, I don’t think it’s worth it.

In terms of good things about this game, I like the presentation very much. We can... talk about character models and their hair another time, but I like a lot of the outfits and style of the characters. Certain outfits I just had to get for the aesthetics of them. Like I said before, Street Fighter has aesthetics, but... not much outside that is keeping me playing it. Eh, maybe I write a fanfic about the series, who knows?

Alright, next is something I was meaning to get to for awhile, King of Fighters 14. Between this and Street Fighter, I much prefer this one. The inputs took me a minute to get use to, realizing that special inputs could be combined into super inputs and all that, but I like the combo system in this game. I find it a little faster paced than Street Fighter, but not as fast as something like Blazblue. It’s a nice middle ground given my experiences, something I’d be willing to stick a little bit more time into. 

I had to uninstall this due to... certain events happening this year with my PS4, but I’m hoping to buy a physical copy of this game at some point in 2018 and try this out in earnest. My favorite characters to use were Mian, Luong, and Mui Mui. I messed around a little with Alice and Vanessa too at the time before... the event. I’m just hoping there’s still a community afterwards when I get this game later.

And last one my fighting game highlights, I tried to get into Tekken 7. I really tried too, but there’s just a lot that’s dissuading me from it. Much like Street Fighter, I feel like the focus was on online and competitive play instead of making a single player experience. Story mode I didn’t care much for since I’m apathetic to Tekken’s storyline as a whole. Arcade mode... is barely there. There’s Treasure battle, but it doesn’t feel like much of a game there. Honestly, I think Tekken 6 was a little better at this. I feel like a lot of previous fighting game titles did more for the single player experience to be honest. I mean, it’s fine if they want to focus on multiplayer and online,but that just didn’t keep my attention. I’m not really interested in reaching a higher tier of playing a fighting game unless we’re talking about Blazblue and Under Night In Birth.

Now if there’s one good thing I can say about Tekken, it’s the animations. If there’s any reason I get 3D fighters, it’s for how fluid all the characters look and move. It’s why I like Virtua Fighter, it’s why I like Dead or Alive, and it’s why I like Tekken. Your character just does cool stuff when playing them, and unlike 2D fighters, it really feels like you’re doing all the crazy martial arts action. Spectacle is probably the main reason I love Tekken so much, and even if I feel this game is lacking, I’ll probably come back to it eventually... eventually.

Honorable Mentions

Blazblue Central Fiction 2.0: I’ll talk about the Blazblue series in depth another time, but I do want to at least finally welcome Jubei to the cast, it’s nice to have you here Cat Person, here’s hoping we can see you in Cross Tag Battle.

Dead or Alive 5: I actually played this a bit more often over this year, not enough to talk about it in depth, but I’ll admit there’s more to this game mechanically than the breast setting... plus I... spend roughly $100 on cute outfits for the girls... hehe... what can I say, I’m a bit of a shameless pervert.

Absolvers: While technically not a fighting game, there’s enough fighting and martial arts in this game for me to give it a quick mention. I liked it well enough, I just wish it ran at a higher frame rate on the PS4 though.

The Plethora of Small-Scale Fighters/Old Re-Releases I Bought This Year: If I talked about all the fighting games I bought and I’d be here all day, so I’ll just list them off here.

Brawlhalla

Chaos Code New Sign of Catastrophe

Garou: Mark of the Wolves

The Last Blade

Melty Blood

Blade Arcus from Shining: Battle Arena

Arcana Heart 3 Love Max Six Stars

And that’s it for fighting games. Again, I care more about fighting games in terms of aesthetics and animations, something I’ll probably Ramble about in the future, but for now... I’ll see you all when I talk about the Fate series... yeah, I’m really hesitating to talk about RPGs guys, just... give me a week at least.

[dulltwig]

So I’ve been playing God of War (the new one) for a while now and I wanted to share my thoughts on its gameplay, its themes, and how holy cow guys how did it go so wrong? Also be warned this 100% contains spoilers from all parts of the game so here we go!

So before i dive into the message of the game or anything i wanna jsut put it out there ive played the first GoW, some of the third, I’m halfway through this one and ive watched a playthrough of the full main story line of the the newest installment, anyway! So the game is fucking pretty, let me tell you that much. You can tell a boatload of time was put into so many meticulous details there’s literally no way youll see half of them. not kidding. like, i find it to be RIDICULOUSLY contradictory that this game is going for some cinematic experience, and then wants the gameplay to be fast paced and destructive! Like, wow these norse ruins filled with symbols and statues are neat -HEY KILL MORE DRAUGR THAT YOUVE ALREADY KILLED 3000 OF- ok but i want to look at that -YOU NEED TO BLOW UP THIS THING SO YOU CAN MOVE ON- ok but like this room is really neat -HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE HERES EVERY MINIBOSS IN THE GAME RESKINNED FOR THE FIFTH TIME THAT YOU NEED TO BEAT ALL OF IN A REALLY SLOW SET OF BATTLES ONE AFTER EACH OTHER- alright god fine i wont look at your fucking game ill just mash r1 and then r3 to tear open the same guy in the same way for god knows what number time!! it’s just, its fucking stupid. there’s so much attention to detail that you’d expect it to be a more narrative driven game, which it tries to do, but the fucking core gameplay is so opposite everything that it builds that you dont notice jack shit going on in the environment unless theyre like forcing it to be a part of how you need to progress. Also, with the game’s little hide and seek for what are in my opinion relatively necessary health and rage upgrades, it makes the player 1000x less concerned with the actual environment and instead like theyre parsing a 3d where’s waldo book to destroy the 6TH FUCK C URN WHERE IS THAT MOTHERFUCKER I SWEAR TO GOD! like hm cool these statues definitely have a story but god fuckin damn do i not give a shit unless theres an urn i need to break to get the next ibunn apple!! its just, i feel bad for all those people who put all this work into making it look gorgeous and needed to resort to a game of i spy to make the players actually look at it. its a fucking shame. Also, i mentioned reskinned enemies? let me tell you! theres a lot of those! i mean, like, with the exceptions of the valkyries (and even then ive only fought one so i might be mistaken) youre essentially fighting the same enemy with one or two moves added since you last faced it for the entire game. even the final boss of the game is the first boss fight but with added moves!! its repetitive as shit! and most of the difficulty that the game does have, coming from someone who plays video games probably too much, is super fucking artificially added through bullshit enemy levels and OHKO’s if you dont spend hours grinding side content. WHICH LEADS TO MY NEXT POINT!

It also makes this weird rift in gameplay where its super punishing to go after side content and explore the world because the difficulty of side content is DRASTICALLY different from the main quest. At the time of writing this, im taking on level 2-4 enemies in the main game, just about everything has a green health bar (indicating it should be an easy enemy) or a yellow health bar (indicating it should only be a little difficult), but the side content im running into enemies that are consistently level 5-7, and even at max health and equipment that puts me at level 4, i can still get killed in two or three hits on normal mode. Maybe im pushing too much into side content early but for a game that wants the player to get immersed in the world and yadda yadda i feel its really offputting that the player essentially gets punished (gasp!) for exploring (bigger gasp!) its so dumb and just a totally unnecessary thing to do, especially when you go for a realm tear and it can either drop like 2 level 3 guys or 3 level 8 guys and there’s literally no indication as to what itll be until youve already activated it! its dumb! NOW ITS TIME FOR THE NARRATIVE THAT I DONT HAVE A SMOOTH TRANSITION FOR! OH BOY DO THEY TRY TO REDEEM KRATOS!! like, wow, this dude fucking singlehandedly killed the entire greek pantheon and then some! oh, and his own family! and, like, im not sure about this but im pretty sure he kills like a whole fuckin civilization of innocent people? but like yeah, sure, let him learn how to be a father, thatll redeem him sure! NOPE! they didnt even do that right! kratos was singlehandedly responsible for fucking ruining atreus. i mean, the guy just doesnt fucking know what a child is, in like a really just fucking dumb, toxic masculinity kinda way. like, kratos fucks up. even when atreus learns hes a god because kratos is a god and yadda yadda, kratos isnt even like “HEY BOY STOP ACTING HIGH AND MIGHTY, JUST BECAUSE YOURE A GOD DOESNT MAKE YOU ANY BETTER THAN THESE MORTALS”, he jsut fucking lets the kid parade around on an altar of superiority and tomfuckery. it even goes so much to his head he just fucking kills Modi because he can and modi shit talked once, like if i killed everyone that shit talked me id be in jail for the death of hundreds, you cant just do that shit and have it be ok. kratos is just fucking dumb and the violence of the game really, uh, goes against the whole, like everything theyre trying to do to be like “aw kratos isnt so bad and atreus isnt gonna kill him for being a dick”! i can seriously only see two routes for the next game that they set up REALLY. HARD. AND IN YOUR FACE. 1) atreus (now known as loki because itll be the next game and thats the end of game reveal) kills kratos at some point because he learns of everything that Kratos has done in greece, because, idk hes loki he’ll figure some shit out, or 2) Kratos dies trying to protect Loki from Thor because Thor is the Next Big Baddie and we need a reason to continue using God of War in the title and what better way than to make Loki a rage filled hateful character that needs to exact revenge on an entire branch of mythology because they killed his dad, who wasnt even that good a guy, but he was still his dad so fuck them all, you know? It’s gonna be fuckin dumb whatever it is, but there’s no way Kratos survives the next God of War, assuming that’s what it’s gonna be called, like jsut from a sheer narrative standpoint, and the fact its teased in one of the final cutscenes of the game that he’s gonna die in loki’s arms, but i dont know what the fuck that snake looking shit it so im not gonna try to guess u feel me i dont know norse mythology. but uh, yeah. also the whole ragnarok thing, that’s, uh, next game i guess? but i dont mean to be here talkign about whatll come sooooo... i swear i had more to say but quite frankly ive been typing this for more that 30 minutes and im not spending more time figuring out what it was gnight yall but yeah this game fucking doesnt know what it wants to be thats the tldr for ya

[discomfort-food]

Mass Effect Andromeda review/notes/whatever

So I just finished the main quest of MEA, the latest installment in my number one favorite game series of all time. Whew. There’s a lot being flung around the internet about it, and I know this probably will be little more than a drop in an ocean, but whatevs. My thoughts. 

There are spoilers, so don’t read this if you don’t want to be spoiled (duh).

First off, I played it on a PS4, so I can’t comment on performance on other systems. It ran fine, only had one crash/freeze, and that was right after I started playing and it was still installing stuff. There was some frame stuttering in heavy combat zones and in some areas, but I’m not picky about that stuff on consoles, plus it will likely get patched.

Also note, I am a huge BioWare fan, so my review will definitely be biased towards those who have played the Mass Effect and/or Dragon Age series. I have greatly enjoyed all the entries in these series, although I am aware of the many flaws in all of them. Also I’ll let you in on a probably unpopular opinion: my least favorite ME game is 2. Despite having my absolute favorite opening to a game, the rest of the plot just didn’t make much sense within the trilogy. Take that info and do what you want with it. I like 1 for the story, 2 for the character quests (that’s all the game is though) and 3 for the combat.

Okay! Finally to my thoughts on Andromeda. I broke them up into good stuff, bad stuff, and other stuff/random observations.

The Good!

- The scale and sense of exploration! I love space. I love the sense of exploration into the unknown. When I heard they were planning on taking the planet exploration concept from 1 and make it good, I was ecstatic. There aren’t nearly as many planets to explore as in 1, but they’re all interesting worlds with quests and things to explore, not just empty husks (ha). I do wish there were some more worlds that I was actually the first to discover and not have to worry about raiders or abandoned prefabs over the next hill.

- The characters! Characters are BioWare’s bread and butter, and Andromeda is no exception. All of my squad and crew are interesting and believable, and although I have my favorites, there wasn’t one of them that I found myself never wanting to take into combat. I’ll get into my thoughts on each of them later. I see people complaining about how there’s “only” six companions and compare it to 2′s hundred million. Well, sorry, but at least a third of 2′s companions were boring or unnecessary. Ryder’s squad all had excellent chemistry together, and constantly surprised me with their banter dialogue or conversations around the ship. Which brings me to my next point:

- The ship! The Tempest is beautiful, inside and out. There’s lots of nooks and crannies to explore and appreciate. Although it’s not as big as the Normandy SR-2, it doesn’t have any annoying, impossibly long elevators to take between decks. Your crew actually move around the ship and have conversations with each other from other rooms or over the comms. I do love that your quarters are absolutely bonkers compared to the five beds and a couch shared between the rest of your squad.

- Ryder, Ryder, Ryder.Ryder is a solid protagonist. The dialogue mechanic is much more natural than Shepard's paragon/renegade business, and I felt like I could put more of myself into her. Also, you don't have to worry about putting enough points into certain types of dialogue to get access to certain objects. Lexi keeps tabs on your general conversational tone, and other characters will react differently to you depending on how you have talked to them in the past. Plus, Ryder swears a lot more than Shepard, so that's pretty fucking cool.

- The combat! I’ll be honest; I play most video games for the story. I don’t mind combat in most games, but I rarely if ever bump the difficulty up past normal. The combat in Andromeda was quick and responsive. The last game I played was Witcher 3. Fucking amazing game, but I swear Geralt was drunk half the game due to how many times he got stuck in the landscape or stumbled or didn’t move in the way I expected. I’m not going to get much into it, pretty much the only universal positive point most reviews have about the game is its combat, go read one of those.

- Peebee. just. heart eyes. my beautiful blue gf. everything about her. swoon. Her and my smartass Ryder better tear up the galaxy in the sequel or I’ll riot.

- The actual cutscene animations. I’m talking about the full body motion capture shots, not the facial animations, I’ll get to those in a minute. They’re nicely done, and I didn’t really notice anything that stuck out or was reused like a lot of shots in the OT. There weren’t things like awkward hand waving during dialogue or the ol’ BioWare Turn And Walk Out of Frame.

- The armor design/clothing options. I really liked the way most of the armor looked on Ryder, definite improvement over the OT (no boob cups, yay!) Being able to choose the color was pretty neat too. Here’s my soft butch Ryder rocking NASA-levels of orange.

- my bro! I love him. It’s always neat when you have family members in an rpg and you aren’t conveniently an orphan. I freaked out when I got to play as him in that scene near the end! I hope our sibling will be on our ship with us in the sequel.

- post-ending content - you can do most of the stuff after the main quest is over without worrying about being locked out. Plus, your squad actually acknowledges that the main quest is over and don’t give you the silent treatment.

- Remnant design. Love it. It’s got that huge, unfathomable-ness to it. The first vault you unlock on Eos, wow. That’s the sci-fi I like.

The Bad

- The facial animations. Let’s just get this over with. They’re bad. Well, the upper half is bad. The bottom half of the faces are usually passable, and the teeth detail is actually pretty good. But the eyes. The eyes are the windows to the soul, and I just don’t understand why they are so lifeless. It’s not even like BioWare doesn’t know how to make eyes, they were fine in Inquisition. I don’t see why they couldn’t just port over those eye textures/shader? Everyone’s whites are blindingly bright, and their irises don’t reflect any light, making them look unnatural as fuck. The eyes are the first thing humans instinctively look at, and I don’t see why they didn’t prioritize that over other things. 

- The character creation. Yup, another one everyone knows about. So bad. I honestly don’t know what the fuck they were thinking. Inquisition’s CC was solid. Guys, nobody would have complained if you had just copied and pasted it. At least, not as many as there are now. Also, DON’T USE SARA’S DEFAULT FACE. Holy shit. Like, anatomically, her face is fine, but for whatever reason, they baked a small smile into her “resting face,” so she just looks fucking stupid in a serious scene. You all know that one. And what’s the point of having a default face anyhow if all the other faces are facescans anyway? Literally the only good thing I can say about the CC is if you want to play as a non-white Ryder, you actually have realistic-looking options this time.

- The kett. Boring. Cliche. Absolutely predictable. I figured the main grunt soldiers were Angaran pretty early on, their face shape and eyes are the same. I’m down with despicably evil characters, as long as they have some sort of motivation or charisma. Not the kett or the Archon. Just pure “I will eradicate your species because we are better” Typical antagonist who’s unhealthily obsessed with the protagonist to the point of his underlings pointing it out to him. I guess the only ok factor about the kett is their physical design? I hate their technology design though, it looks like something from a 90′s scifi show.

- Attack of the Asari Clones. Whyyyyyy do all of the asari, sans Peebee, have the same face??? It’s infuriating because you would think it’s such a simple thing. They have a fucking human face, they didn’t seem to have a problem making different human faces??? I also take issue with the other species not being different enough, (although this was a problem in the OT too, I guess Saren had a facial deformity for turians). They did brag about being able to have a higher variation in alien species in one of those boring “previews” of the devs sitting at their computers, so what happened??? All the Krogan have three facial models: female, wrex, or wrex with chin spikes (I guess Grunt had a facial deformity too).

- The rest of the romances? I enjoyed Peebee’s romance but from what I read about the rest of them, unfortunately I think she got the “default sex appeal romance” treatment that Liara had in the OT; an unequal amount of scenes/effort into her romance because that’s who straight men will go for.

- dialogue constantly cutting out/ending because of another dialogue line.  Oh sweet, I’m getting some good party bant-HEY PATHFINDER IT’S A LITTLE BIT WARM OUTSIDE ON THIS DESERT PLANET, THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW. hopefully this gets patched.

- the inventory. There’s no sorting of anything, just alphabetically. It would be awesome if my crafting materials were in one section and my weapons, armor, mods, etc, were in their own. nope. also there’s no storage locker anywhere so have fun carrying all of that.

The Other

- There are a lot of unsolved/open-ended plot lines. The origin/rest of the Kett, the Remnant/Jardann and the Angara, Ryder’s mom, the Benefactor and Jien Garson’s murder. The Quarian ark mentioned in the epilogue will probably be DLC. I’m hoping this means a sequel is definite, but we’ll have to see how the negative press affects sales.

- I’m kind of neutral on the angara. Jaal is awesome, but the rest of the angara are just kind of boring. I like their whole family dynamic thing, but meh. I also don’t really dig the female designs, I think it’s the eyebrow ridge thing? They’re too different from the males.

- I wish there was more “first contact” stuff. During the marketing of the game, they emphasized how much the Milky Way species were the aliens. It didn’t feel much that way to me. The first meeting between Ryder and the Angara was cool, with them all crowding around to see. It sounded like this was the first time they had known about us? But immediately after Aya suddenly there are angara everywhere and integrating with our society?

- They tried going straight for the Citadel DLC tone without having three full games to back it up. I like joking around and lightheartedness, and I can definitely understand going for a lighter tone than the original trilogy, but I really feel like they saw the positive reception of Citadel, and just tried to force the mood to be the same way. We had the whole trilogy to build up relationships with the crew before we could unwind in Citadel, and they missed that. It’s like eating dessert first.

- Whyyy did they ruin Allegra Clarke’s awesome voice on Kesh? 

- Gay turians are pretty cool

- Why did I have to specify Shepard’s gender? All the Shepard references I found (do the SAM memories questline) didn’t mention Shepard’s gender. Unless I missed something?

- Can I wear my under-armor(?) around non-combat zones outside the Tempest?

Seriously, nobody would walk around Kadara in a hoodie and sweats or a fashionable scarf. As far as I know I only get to wear this during the final mission.

The Squad (most to least favorite)

Peebee. My love. Write off anyone who says she’s just Sera from Inquisition. I don’t think they played either game. And her dad’s an Elcor??? I need to know more. I liked how they didn’t even try to make her a Liara clone.

Vetra Oh my god. First time in a Bioware game I actually had trouble deciding who to romance. She’s just so… competent. I will climb that tree next playthrough for sure. She’s the team’s Cool Mom.

Jaal I honestly thought he would be way different. Angsty like Thane or arrogant like Javik, but nah, he was such a bro. His voice and dry humor quickly took him off my shit list. I guess he gets together with Peebee if you don’t romance either of them, and I’m ok with that.

Kallo pure cinnamon roll, too good, too pure.

Lexi even though she broke my Ryder’s heart, I still love her. Mostly because I love Natalie Dormer. I hope she comes back if there’s a sequel.

Suvi Her banter with Kallo was good. And the first time you can flirt with her as Sara was absolute gold. As soon as she brought up religion though, I peaced out.

Drack Guys, he’s old. And he’s a krogan. Did we mention that he’s really old? He’s funny, because he’s a krogan. Krogan just like to shoot stuff. Drack does too, but he’s old so he’s really good at it. I didn’t not like Drack, and he honestly has some of the funniest dialogue, but he’s basically Wrex if people constantly mentioned how old he was. Also I guess I was supposed to know he has a bunch of prosthetics? He’s literally cocooned in armor 24/7 so that plot point didn’t have as much impact as I think they were going for. I hope if they ever make another Krogan squadmate in the future they’ll try to make a new character.

Cora oh my god girl shut up about the Asari. She’s the team’s Awkward Mom. Basically Cassandra. Totally reads Fifty Shades of Grey.

Liam His loyalty mission was actually one of my favorites, but I just didn’t like his character. For a crisis specialist, he wasn’t very good in a crisis. Probably my favorite Generic Starter Male Human squadmate though.

Gil I’m sorry that he’s the only option gay male players get.

The End

Shit, that went on way longer than I’d intended. In conclusion, I would rate Andromeda a 7.5 out of 10. It needed a lot more polish before release, and I don’t understand the reasoning behind giving your most popular franchise to a team that has yet to make a full game. Still, it’s got good bones, and it was a nice clean break from the baggage of the OT. Hopefully they release some good patches and quality DLC, then I could see me bumping my score up to an 8. I hope the game will be looked back on like DA2 is now, people have realized it’s a decent game despite it’s serious flaws.