#I’m just kinda in a spiral alllll day

[rozicheeks]

🤦🏽‍♀️

[venuscribble]

No open cars, no open bars — Kim Namjoon

A/N: Hello again! Sorry I will do everything but follow the laws of grammar in my writing, I'm working on it... Grammarly hates my guts. Anyways, please do enjoy!

Summary: Joon takes his most favourite person to his most favourite spot in Seoul. He even gains a new friend on the way, too.

Fluff, hints of idol!Joon, gender neutral reader, bullying in a very romantic and charming way

It feels like I’ve lived for this little moment

On the two wheels, everything is just a trivial daydream

“Nearly there!” calls out Namjoon, riding ahead of you with his navy denim jacket billowing slightly behind, spanning out to meet the push of the wind like the wings of a dove. As the same gust pushes itself through your hair and makes waste to the careful styling you had applied to it, you can't help but realise it doesn't treat you half as nice as it does to the man before you. The gentle breeze makes his every movement elegant as he peddles along, head turning side to side to make sure every inch of the scenery around him is taken in. Intently, Namjoon soaks every little detail of his ride up and leaves nothing to be ignored. There’s not a single thing his pensive mind cannot see the beauty in, as his legs continue their steady push of the pedals below him. Nothing is minute, and to Namjoon, everything has its unique charm. It makes perfect sense for Namjoon to demand that the physical embodiment of everything he loves most about biking should accompany him on his next excursion. Despite your feeble argument against it, you knew how much accompanying Joon meant to him, a signal of trust and love which such a small gesture revealed to you. “It’ll be absolutely perfect,” he gushed as you agreed. “My baby and my bike. My two favourite things.”

You’ll do almost anything to see the bright beam of a smile Joon emits when he hears any good news. Even, it seems, deal with the gradual pain in your calves as you carry on peddling your bike along the smooth concrete path. Casting your gaze around, you understand with full clarity why Joon comes here to think - the world around you feels nothing less than idyllic. With the golden light of the sun meeting the greenery on either side of the road which you and your partner now inhabit, it feels like nothing of the cold concrete world you’re used to. Saturated and delicate, the air of perfectness is almost confusing in a sense of unfamiliarity to you. Even the daisies along the path's edge which greet you with a bow as the wind hits them feels closer to a Ghibli movie than your admittedly average life. It feels so unlike bustling Seoul, unlike unforgiving earth, unlike any dimension you could conjure up. This moment between you and Namjoon is so intimate that you conclude the space belongs to both of you and you two only. Only yours and Joon’s reality to feel the sunlight warming your cheeks and to think back on in future days.

“You look so peaceful.” You call out to Joon, hoping your voice carries through the whirring of your wheels and your backpack which audibly jiggles under your peddling. Namjoon smiles to himself, head ducking slightly in bashfulness. Accepting compliments from such a deity as yourself…he knows that will never be his forte. Alas, something his high IQ falters at - the praise of his loved one. He doesn't have a moment to string a reply together when along the path ahead he spots something that has him squeezing his brakes.

“Ah, check it out!” He exclaims happily, dismounting his bike as you brake to find...a traffic mirror? As you settle your own bike out the way to walk to your boyfriend, your head comes to rest on his shoulder from behind, looking up to the circular shape. It gives off an almost fish eye effect, the sky which is gaining an orange hue curving around your interlocked figures. A strong arm moves to hook around your waist, as Joon pulls you into his side. Seizing the opportunity to finally have you close once again, his lips plant a small kiss atop your head.

You give a small puff of a laugh. “Yknow, stopping to look at your reflection is a little vain.”

“Stopping to look at our reflections,” Joon jokes with a soft squeeze to your hip. “Me and my love.”

Your head turns to find where Joon had left his bike - of course, rather half-hazzardly abandoned in the middle of the path.

“You just left your love in the middle of the road.”

Namjoon can only let out a long and disapproving aish at your joke, releasing the hand on your waist only to engulf you in a gentle hug. Your head rests against his chest, finding solace in the familiar deep scent of his cologne. His arms wrap around your frame and rest on your hips, chin resting atop your head as he begins to rock your bodies side to side.

“Stop that.” He whines, rather than scolds. “You know I’d choose you above anything alllll day. Even if it was some kinda super cool mountain bike with an engine built in so I don't have to pedal. I’m still choosing you, okay?”

“Even above a super cool bike with engines?” you pout up at his face. He’s starry-eyed staring down at you, love pouring out of his gaze.

“Even then, and always.”

Content, you allow yourself to settle back into the comfort of his chest. What a sight, you wonder. Two lovers swaying to a melody no one can hear. You hear some chatter in the distance which only becomes a murmur once your senses tune to the soft rise and fall of Joon’s chest. His eyes smile down at you until flicking up to the mirror once more, and the sight of your frame resting upon his as the sunset casts a golden beam over you makes something tug at his heart. "Why me", he puzzles. Why him of all men in this lifetime, granted a gift so precious as yourself. He closes his eyes. His mind spirals into self-reflection. Why should Joon be the sole person granted such a harmonious moment as the one happening in front of his very eyes? What makes him so lucky? He doesn't have too long to analyse what karma he has, as he feels two paws plant themselves above his knee.

“Yeong-Won! We don’t jump at strangers!” ashamedly orders a woman as you turn your head and deduce to be in her mid-30s, whilst she and another older lady pry the golden retriever from hopping up your boyfriend’s leg. Not that Namjoon would care at all. Joon loves animals, and your many days having him give Moni just a few more kisses than you can attest to that.

“Hey, buddy!” coos Joon as he bends to meet the dog’s level. It’s slightly more grown than a puppy yet reaches to kiss Joon’s face with ease as he sinks to greet the boisterous dog. He rakes a hand over its head, running through its golden fur and ruffling his slightly floppy ears. “Nice to meet you, Yeong-wonie. What a handsome boy, eh?”

“He never does this to strangers,” offers the older of the two women to you. “Looks like he needed to say hello!”

You smile in return, shaking your head as Joon and the dog carry on playing as if the world around them has dissolved away. “What a lovely dog, he’s adorable!” You giggle. Joon rises to stand once again, not without ruffling the golden fur one last time.

“So sorry about that, again.” The younger woman adds as her eyes seem to pause on Joon’s face. Not something you're entirely foreign to.

“Wow, I feel like I recognise your face, mister. Dayeon-ah, doesn't the nice man seem familiar?”

The elder, now identified as Dayeon in your mind, furrows her eyebrows together as she thinks. Namjoon all but turns red.

“Ah, my mother tells me I have ‘one of those faces' all the time. It was nice to meet you! See ya, Yeong-wonie!”

After a quick goodbye, you both share an embarrassed laugh together and settle to resume biking once more. The sunset is in full swing now, casting shades of neon pink and blood orange against the cloudless sky like lazy brushstrokes of colour overlapping.

As Joon promised, it only takes a quick 2 minutes of peddling until you rear a corner and the greenery which followed your left side on the path is replaced by the apricot shade of the Han River. The sight makes your stomach stir - it's like nothing you could ever imagine. The setting sun reflects so perfectly, an oil painting brought to life in front of your eyes. You know Joon meets your level of adoration as the wind carries the sound of his small “Wah, so pretty” to you. Joon, your self-proclaimed bike guide during this trip, guides you along the path beside the river further, the atmosphere tranquil with the sounds of birds chirping and your wheels spinning.

“We’re here, babe.” Joon announces, once again dismounting his bike and prompting you to follow, resting your bike beside his. He is, of course, your guide. Your personal guide pauses to stop at a flat square of concrete just aside from the main path, facing the river which grows more and more picturesque by the minute. Your perfect picnic spot, you realise, pulling the backpack off your body and spreading the soft brown blanket kept inside. Joon gives a soft sigh as his body all but collapses down onto the square. The man is uber-fit, almost shockingly buff these days, yet he groans groggily after your short ride.

“Someone tired?” you tease. “Maybe you should be hitting the gym some more than you already are.”

“You're so mean to me. I bring my favourite spot and you make fun of me like this.” Huffs Joon, leaning back with his hands behind him supporting his body. “You’re lucky I love you as much as I do,” he adds with a small laugh.

“I know,” you reply, rapidly. You know you are, you might just be the luckiest person on earth. The one feeling the warmth of Joon’s unconditional love and companionship every single day. You feel like the moon and Joon is the earth itself, only you are blessed to be in his orbit despite the unfathomable size of the universe and countless other people living as you are.

“Hey, you know I'm kidding, babe.” Joon softly argues, hand running through your hair, ruffling it slightly. A blush creeps up to warm your cheeks, nuzzling into the large hand currently entwining it’s fingers into your hair. After a slight pause to collect his thoughts, Namjoon’s voice becomes more gentle as he replies, “Having you...it's like having this one treasure no one else can find. Like, I dunno. Like everything good you’ve done in life is being repaid to you. Does that make any sense?”

“Of course it makes sense, babe.” Your hand pries the one resting on your head to lock your fingers together, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. “You feel like that to me, too. I promise. You feel like everything good.” You take a quick look around your surroundings. You catch Joon’s eyes locking onto yours, gazing adoringly at you as if some sort of heavenly body had taken form, moulding into you. “You feel like the sunset and the trees... The wind, the flowers, all of it. You feel like nature to me, Joonie. Just tranquil and loving,” you turn to meet his eyes, “always so loving.”

“Ah, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Didn’t think taking you on my ride would make me so…”

“Gross?” you intercut with a smirk.

“Emotional, Y/N. But, this is the most romantic place in Seoul, I suppose. Doesn't help that I'm here with my angel. It’s human nature to be all soppy.”

You shuffle down to rest your head on Joon’s thigh, the extra bulk recently gained there making for an excellent makeshift pillow. He looks down at you with a tender smile which makes your most favourite pair of dimples on earth take form.

“I’m just waiting for someone to pop out that bush and say ‘Hey, got ya! Look at you being all mushy!’” you joke, the laugh it emits from Joon slightly rocking his thigh and your head in return.

“It’d probably be Jin-Hyung. I would go investigate myself if he didn’t have a schedule after we left. Still, not that I think anyone else can be trusted.” He huffs.

“Mm, definitely not.” you agree, nuzzling slightly into his thigh below you.

“I could stay here forever,” Joon begins after a tranquil minute, “just frozen in this moment.”

You want nothing more than for that to happen. For the laws of time to grant you this never-ending memory, to encapsulate it forever and never again worry about the minutes passing you by.

Joon’s lips press another soft kiss upon your head, lingering there for a while, basking in your warmth and the smell of his favourite green apple shampoo you keep using. Above you the sun gives its last fleeting moments of illumination, sinking to be doused in the Han River. He stays there, engulfed in bliss for a short second, nothing worrying him on Earth. That is, until his eyes widen and his head whips from atop yours to rapidly look at your puzzled face.

“How’re we getting home?” He all but exclaims. He’s right, you're both clearly slumped and what little sunlight that is left quickly fades. You think for a second, then, nothing.

“Shit!”

[dayseternal-blog]

Hey, just wanted to say thank you for replying to my ask. Btw I didnt really hate the angst in 21 days it was actually quite compelling. I loved experiencing hinata’s inner conflict and how naruto learned his faults in treating her throughout their fight. Their getting together part was out of this world really. Anyhow, thanks for replying.

(Sorry if asking anon is annoying to you in anyway, its just I am kinda shy, anxiety and whatnot. I know it bothers some people so sorry)

Yes!!  While the angst was enjoyable the fluffy parts were, like, really 🥺🥺 Like when Naruto and Hinata were riding the bus together in the flashback imagining being stuck on a ferris wheel together, or when they’re talking about the world ending, and how Hinata tells him that she would watch him saving it 🥺🥺🥺  And when they’re listening to music together with snacks on a picnic table at night when they’re definitely not supposed to be outside, but they’re just casually breaking the rules like no big deal, and Hinata just holds his hand to keep him from running anywhere when the teachers find them 🥺🥺🥺  Or at the beginning when (despite all of the angst going on at the exact same time by his own idiotic doing) Naruto just shamelessly declares to a rando stranger that Hinata’s his precious friend! 🥺🥺🥺🥺

AND THEN this line as Naruto’s spiraling into his first time: “She's that exclusive dessert on the menu, the kind you have to order in advance because they don't keep her ingredients in stock. A girl like her isn't mass produced; she's created precisely with him in mind. And she looks even better than the picture.”

AHHHHHHHHH

SO yah.  yahh you know, I can keep going, I’m thoroughly enjoying this opportunity to talk about “21 Days” by @bunny-hoodlum, just any chance to remind myself and anyone else that no one writes like bunny.  Bunny has her own very distinct style.

UGHH rereading and alllll the things!!!  All the things in this story!!!!  

It’s not even just the NaruHina parts, you know??  Every single scene is worth reading!!  And all the parallels between past and present!!  And how they’re close and know so much about each other and yet somehow they don’t know anything about each other,,,

Okay I’ll stop now, I’ll stop for now.

[foxtophat]

i started writing this au idea out and it was gonna be like 2 lines but now here’s a whole baseline plot which means i’ll have to write this at some point but it boils down to:

au where nick’s childhood crush comes back into town after he gets married, and it’s john, and also kim is a good character and not fridged for manpain

john is nick's on-again-off-again rival from summer camp as a kid. there were a good few years where they would interact every summer, sometimes even in spring, and their relationship was something adorable and also dreaded by every camp counselor.  if a kayak went missing or a fire blew out of control, you could bet it was probably because john and nick got into a stupid argument about something being impossible. but they would defend each other's actions any time they got in trouble because it was THEIR argument to deal with, butt out

after a few summers though, john stops showing up and nick stops going after that because it was already kind of for babies anyway. let's be real though, john disappearing right around the advent of instant messaging SUCKs, especially because nick doesn't get online reliably for another couple of years.  over time, john becomes more or less a fixture in his memory rather than a real person.

but you know, time... heals all wounds

nick meets kim (likely on vacation during college) and the two of them immediately hit it off.  kim likes nick's honesty even if he puts his foot in his mouth a lot, and nick likes how quick she is to pick up literally everything.  nick, who definitely doesn't ever think about john except for, you know, sometimes during summer, doesn't let kim go without getting all the contact info necessary to keep talking.

GOOD JOB NICK, because the smart, college-educated Canadian whose parents think your dad's gun collection is weird and not just "on the small side" actually digs the communication!  they talk long distance for a while.  when kim wonders "what am i gonna do after college" nick wants to say "you could marry me and we could hang out all the time" but you know, that's forward as fuck!

eventually though they do get married, after some living apart and living together.  there's nobody in the world that nick trusts more than kim, and they tell each other pretty much everything.  it's a no stone unturned sort of relationship.  kim tries not to over-analyze things, but nick is always eager to try and figure out the root cause of a problem.  communication between them is nearly perfect.

so you know, when nick occasionally admits to finding "the odd guy here and there" "sorta attractive, in an abstract sorta way," kim makes sure it's no big deal and tries hard to remind nick that she went to a liberal college, and him being curious isn't going to lose him any points with her.  he's not an experimenting type of guy by any means, but kim's acceptance does wonders to ease nerves nick didn't even know he HAD.

aaaaand then somebody buys the ranch a couple miles up the road.  construction, alllll the time.  there's plenty of distance between them, but nick still hears lots of work going on at all hours.  he sees nice cars coming and going down the road.  rumors start to fly about some hotshot city lawyer looking for a vacation home.  nick really doesn't want his whole county turned into some millionaire's retreat, but what's a guy to do???

kim's the one who suggests they go see what's up.  after all, neighbors are vital lifelines out here.  besides, all they've heard are rumors, and kim is tired of rumors!!! she likes cold, hard facts.  like, maybe a name that she can look up online, or something.  nick can't help but be worried because he's DEFINITELY seen them working on the hangar and a competitor could be bad news for their small family business.

so of course they go, rolling up on the construction site on a sunday to find it mostly empty.  the house looks great.  everything looks... nice.  nick is extremely worried about the lack of signage, because CLEARLY that means the business here is still constructing them.

kim and nick are looking around the hangar which is wide open and empty, just kinda lookie-louing, and they get caught by the presumable owner of the ranch, dressed in an expensive suit, sunglasses and haircut.  no doubt about it, he's the guy everyone's been muttering about.

the guy takes off his sunglasses in the hangar and nick  is like... sledgehammer-struck by the color.  it's like a shock to his system to see them, recognizing them immediately even if it takes his brain a few catastrophic seconds to dig out the appropriate memories of john's cocky grin.

nick almost feels embarrassed when he points out they've met already, especially when John stares uncomprehendingly at him.  but john caves, calling nick by name and exchanging a few generalized comments about "how long it's been."  nick nearly asks what the hell happened, why john disappeared and just now showed back up, and part of him even starts to get angry, like, how dare john decide to just come back NOW of all times!

but john does not seem interested at all in that conversation and nick really doesn't want to get into it right here in front of kim, especially over literally NOTHING, so they talk about planes for a bit before kim disengages the two of them from their small-talk death-spiral.

kim knows immediately what the hell that was all about.  nick might not recognize the type he's developed based on one single, unrealized crush from when he was a kid, but kim sees it plain as day in john's over-confident smile and his aggressive posturing.

when she suggests the possibility, nick can't even stand to hear it.   "come on, what? i was just a kid.  i barely even cared about GIRLS." "why would i like arrogant jackasses?  look at you, you're the opposite of him, how could he even possibly be my type?" "i never had crushes on guys, ever.  i still don't!"

and later, "even if it was a crush, it was years ago, it's not like i should have that kinda reaction NOW! i'm happily married, to a hot, NICE, LADY.  i don't got time for stupid childhood crushes coming back to bite me in the ass!"

unnnnfortunately for nick, admitting to the potential is just step one in a very long, weird journey to process his emotions.  THANKFULLY for nick, he has a loving wife who's not about to let him just bottle that shit back up for another fifteen years!!!!

you can see where this is going don’t even fucking lie and don’t even pretend i don’t want to write it, because i do, very badly, all the time

[tellywoodtrash]

ishqbaaz 09 - 13.04.18 lb

righttttttttttttt, so the inbox is fulllllllllllllllllll of ppl asking me to lb this week, which got me kinda sorta intrigued as to what was so great.... anyway, here we go... let’s see if i still remember how to do this ish!

09. 04. 18

jfc literally not 10 seconds into the ep and in mahoday ki hamming shuru. yougaiz y u do this to me??????????? 😫😫😫

idk if it’s that i haven’t watched this show in so long or what, but my god the level of ~draaaaaaaaaaaaaamaaaaaa (from nakuul’s acting to everyone’s reactions, to the frantic close ups, to the crazy music) is fucking killing me of second hand embarrassment. 😖😖😖

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO WHAT EVEN IS THIS ~~~~~ACTING HE’S DOING, WITH THE WEIRD HEAVY BREATHING EXHALING THROUGH HIS TEETH I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING 🤣🤣🤣

lololololol shakti and jhanvi and tej’s overwrought lamentations.

and they have the audacity to call pinky dramatic and tell her to shut up all the time. 😑😑😑

“jo maine apni aakhon se dekha hai, uske baad mujhe kisi explanation ki zaroorat nahi hai!” - the credo of every dumbass male lead in tellywood. 🙄🙄🙄

same, shaktiji, same. this is my face rn too, watching this hot mess.

lmao who the fuck told you to have so much bharosa and guroor on these ppl when they’ve always proven to be shadyass fuckers who were always out to fuck ppl over in some way or the other????? like your own damn mom tried to screw you over. honestly shivaay, you’re dumb as a bag of hair.

no really, from like episode 3 onwards my boy om’s been trying to tell your dumb ass that this family was shady af, but did ya ever listen to him? nooooooooooooooooooo. fucking idiot.

OK HIS HAMMING IS KILLING ME YOU GUYS I CAN’T DO IT I CAN’T. *fwds*

honestly pinky is me. just suffering through this in silence, kyunki kehne ke liye baaki hi kya hai??????????/

oh. spoke too soon. mummeh has had enough of beta’s ainvayiiiiii ke accusations and like OMG STFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

mummeh, bachpan mein hi chaar daant aur critical thinking sikhaaya hota bete ko, toh aaj yeh din dekhna hi nahi padta.

meanwhile some randomass “comedy” is happening here with ruVya and anika and i honestly dooooo notttttttt give a fuckkkk *singing it like jean ralphio from parks and rec*

jfc, it hurts me physically to see how skinny surbhi’s become, just look at the fucking bones jutting out on her chest. girl, what are you even doing, eat something!!!!

second time poor om’s had to take the heat for shivaay. sigh.

ugh ok i really don’t care for this “comedy”, which is not even funny, but i’m here for anika regretfully yet affectionately trying to wipe the water off om’s face.

sigh the crumbs i’m resigned to as an aniKara lover.

OMFG ISKI OVERACTING IDHAR KHATAM NAHI HUI???? DON’T YOU HAVE A PLANE TO JAPAN TO CATCH AND SOME CULTURE TO APPROPRIATE?????? CHAL HATTTTTTT YAAAAAAAAARRRR, JAAAA NAAAAAA.

same, tej. #same.

god i honestly am dyingggggggggg. it’s actually physically painful to watch this. i should pop a klonopin or something.

matlab, om ka puraana “sachchai” waala bhoot shivaay ke andar ghus gaya hai kya? i find it extreeeeemely rich that he’s allllll about truthfulness now when alllll he’s done throughout this show is use his money and power to cover up his family’s shady BS on a daily basis. suddenly he’s raja harishchandra.

god mamta ka vaasta and all that shit. [mais voice] aye chal naaaaaa. 😑😑😑

ok already shivika have a fuckallllll marriage, where he doesn’t tell her shit. uske upar se this toliiiii of naraad munis is lagaaofying more aag. fuck y’all. fwding this nonsense.

LMAO JHANVI BEING LIKE MERE LIYEEEEE OMKARA RUDRA AUR TUM MEIN KOIIIIIIIIIII FARAQ NAHI HAI, don’tttttttttttttttt you evennnnnnnnn go there b. don’t you evennnnnnnn!

lel bua ki slow clap waaali entry.

abbe bas kar na. stop after the third clap, yeh kya 5 minute tak taali bajaaye hi jaa rahi ho??????

i really fucking hate this bua more than any character i’ve ever hated in this show. ever.

ugh om you were supposed to the be voice of reason in this group of deranged monkeys. why are you like this???????????? 😣😣😣

waise maaannna padega, bua has killer jawline. i also want such defined jawline. my jawline is like a ball of goonda hua atta, sigh.

LMAOOOOOOOO her reaction at being yelled at by allla them. someone teach me how to be this calm and composed and not instantly dissolve into tears the moment someone raises their voice at me.

PHOTUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUS 😱😱😱

thank the lord over here this clown posse has finally wizened the fuck up. dumbasses.

hahahahahahaha tej finallllllllly realizingggg that roop is a taylor swift level 🐍🐍🐍🐍

oh daaaaang. roop’s finally snapped. thookna and all. 😬😬😬

meanwhile, this one here has gone into catatonic shock. abbe at least use this time to excuse yourself and go return your wife’s call, she’s worried sick outta her mind.

oh damn she spilled that veer’s her baby.

now everyone here is just like goddamnnnnnnn roop, what mountain giant did you have sex with to create that hagrid type half-giant???? 😶😶😶

lol she used the word baaaaaaaaaanjh. remember the good old days when anika used that word repeaaatedly to scare the f outta shivaay? sighhhh, good old days.

yup. stillllllllllllll in shock. someone call anika to come throw some water at him and snap him outta it.

oh no. he snapped outta it. it’s worse. go back into shock, plz. ugh.

OH GOD HE’S BACK AT IT WITH THE “MERE LOG”

daaaaaaaaaaaayum rooop at it with the logiccccccccccc “tab nahi maara tha toh ab kyun laash ko nikaalne aa gaye??”

“oh fucks yeh toh maine socha hi nahi. yeh toh shits ho gaya.”

lmaoooooooooooooooooooo she exited while clapping too.

WTF HOW IS IT “CLEAR KI MR. KAPOOR KO AAP LOGON NE NAHI MAARA”??????? HOW? EXPLAIN YOUR TRAIN OF THOUGHT TO ME RN, SON. COZ I DON’T GET IT. ALL YOU HAVE IS THEIR WORD AGAINST HERS.

naaaaaaaaaaaaaam kyaaaaaa thaaaaaaaaa

god please don’t tell me this dumbass sends them and covers up mr. kapoor’s skeleton on his own. please!

WHAT HE’S TRUSTING KHANNA WITH THIS FUCKING WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

callllllllllll abhayyyyyyyyy back you dumbassssssssssss. at least he was useful to dig up the old tapes and shittttttttt. khanna can’t even be trusted with buying paper!!!!!!!!!

i don’t get it. why is roop so determinedly behind shivaay and anika’s relationship. like focus on killing the shady 4 na, or destroying the fam as a whole, embroiling them in scandal and bankrupting them....... this focus on shivika is so random and contrived, just like when svetlana was behind them. KUCHHHHHH VIIIIIII AINVAYIIIIIIIIIIIII

OMFG DID SHE REALLY SAY DAANTON DAANTON MEIN?????? IS THIS SOME META JOKE ABOUT HER TEETH WHAT EVEN IS THIS SHOW AND IT’S WEIRDLY HELLA ON POINT META JOKES THESE DAYS??????????????

anika is in a rightttttttt paniccccccccccccc

dang khanna’s hair on pointttttttttttttttt

WHUT SHIVAAY JUST DID THE THOONK SE PAGE PALATNA THING WHICH IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT SOMETHING HE’D DO

aaaaaaaaand we have an address!

10. 04. 18

explain to me how he looks like THIS after a sleepless night where half of it was spent standing around in rain and a muddy dilapidated factory, while i look like something that the cat dragged out the gutter even after 10 hours of sleep and some masterful eyeliner.

murder and being shady got the shady 4′s appetite all down. hota hai, hota hai.

god, shivaay, you’re the fucking worst. look how worried this poor girl is for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAN’T YOU JUST FUCKING TEXT BACK??????????????? GOD. MEN REALLY AIN’T SHIT.

thank god for pinky being calming and motherly to anika FOR ONCE.

omg jhanviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii stfuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu i hate you soooooo muchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. remember when i was like i hate roop most. naah, i hate jhanvi the most.

how the fuck is a house abandoned for over 25 years in INDIA, only this dirty? like, this is the haalat of house if you don’t do jhaadooo pochchaa for like 3 days. 25 years, this place would have been infested with rats and snakes and giant mutant pigeons and every surface would be a goddamn tetanus risk.

lmao anika and her CHA waale names for everything.

GOD SHIVAAY STOP TOUCHING EVERYTHING. UGH.

oh and the cassette tape is perrrrrrrfectly fiiiiiine and playable and waah, like @jobless-n-aimless said, electricity bhi chalta hai. kamaaaaaal. seems like this house had some kinda protective charm bubble around it.

lmao yeah ok shivaay, that’s ALLLLLLLLL you’re getting to know from this. all the chaaaa names and CHUTKI absolutely don’t ring ANYYYYYYYYYYYY other bells.

BRO THE VOICE LITERALLY CALLED HER ANIKA, LIKE.... ARE YOU STILL NOT GETTING IT?????? HOW THE FUCKKKKK YOUR SLOW ASS GOT INTO FUCKING CAMBRIDGE, I’LL NEVER KNOW

lmao the burden of the truth deflated his hair kekekekeke

OMG LOOK AT THIS PERFECT GODDESS GOD SHE IS SO PRETTY *kisses the screen baar baar*

as per usual, tia proves that she’s the best person in this godforsaken show’s universe and that we, and especially these fucking oberois, are unworthy of her grace and magnanimity

um shivaay, learn to read the expression of the person in front of you before going into this gleeful-manic-spiral

um yeah. good. connected the dots. finally.

his hair is back inflated again. you know why. (because it’s full of secrets.)

lmao wifeeeeeee is about to fucking slug him, that’s how fucking mad she is.

that’s a reaaaaaaaaaaaal guiltyyy face my friend. like you literally look like you came back after having affair.

lol that burnt roti tho. points for consistency. i just recently watched that clip of sahil eating his burnt waala tiffin; “yeh jalaa hua nahi hai, bohut tasty hai!”

(shivaay: jalaa hua khaate hai, isliye dono bhai-behen jale-bhune rehte hai!!!!)

LMAO HER FACE EVERY TIME SHE STRUGGLES WITH THE BURNT TO A CRISP ROTIIIIIIIII

aur yeh bechaara hai ki khaaye jaa raha hai, bina complaints. truly haqdaar of SPA 2018 best pati.

yes that was sarcasm/hyperbole. clarifying before y’all clog up the inbox with outrage.

oh ho ho ho, do they regularly trade massages? DO SPILL! 😏😏😏😚😚😚😘😘😘

aw okie, slight heart melt at this. 😭😭😭😭😭😭

baaaaaaaaaaad cover uppppp. she knows something’s up. 

LMAO HE’S FULLY PARROTING SAHIL’S WORDS “JALA HUA NAHI HAIIIII, BOHUT TASTY HAI!”

the boys in anika’s life know that key to happiness is lying about how much they love “well done” food. 🙈🙈🙈

aw man, his face is kinda killing me.

GOD WHY DON’T THEY REALISE THAT THIS MAN’S BEST ACTING IS ALWAYS WHEN HE IS SILENT AND MADE TO EXPRESS, AND WRITE ACCORDINGLY? NO. LOUDDDDDD LOUDDDDD OVERDRAMATIC MONOLOGUES. OUFF. KUNAL IS THE ONE GOOD AT THOSE. GIVE HIMMMMMM THOSE. *sets the whole writers room on fire* 😣 😣 😣🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

THANK GOD FOR ONCEEEEEEE SHIVAAAY’S AT LEAST TELLING THE BROTHERS INSTEAD OF FUCKING ACTING LIKE A MARTYR WHO HAS TO HANDLE EVERYTHING ALONE

bruh have you met anika? she’s handled a lot more in life, namely you and your hellspawned family’s presence in her life, to break from THIS kinda news. but like ok.... whatever keeps the show running.

gotta say i’m on #teamRudra.

god om, since when are you like this????? you were always for total transparency and truth and blah blah blah. i guess all that was just a phase, huh???

lol @ omru’s dramaaaaaaticass fight as shivaay dissociates again. 

.... um you don’t know shit about her family situation tho? all you have is a name and address? how you know if her maa baap pyaar karte the or whatever. like honestly, you jump from A to Z dontcha????

.... it bothers me how they keep saying Anika Vardhan Trivedi, instead of Anika HARSHVARDHAN Trivedi. coz like.... harshvardhan is usually a single name, not split up? ok whatever.

“jinki beti anika ho, koi galat nahi kar sakte”

that’s the most dumbass thing i’ve heard. there’s plenty of perfectly good children in the world with absolute psychos as parents. many examples of which are living in your own damn house. but go offfffff i guess.

“main kya aise hi gaandhaari banke ghoomti rahoongi?”

pffffffffffffffffft.

lol that lil sassy face she made at him after he took the patti off.

why are their cobwebs across the door, even after shivaay (and presumably omRu) have opened it and gone into the house?

god the look of foreboding on his face is KILLLLLLLLLING ME.

11. 04. 18

i love this song and all but ugh it’s so cliched and overdramatic. i would have just preferred the sad anika theme with the violins.

ah man. my heart. there’s anika, who’s experiencing all this, memories coming back to her, all strange and fuzzy, but then there’s also shivaay experiencing them through her, but filled with SO MANY MORE FEELINGS: concern, trepidation, guilt.

aaaaaaaaaah fuck. it’s all coming back to her nowwwwww.

but like... idgi. she remembered chutki, but just specifically forgot her dad and his name? seems like some kinda weird nonsense made-up-for-tellywood kinda amnesia, but okay?????

again, i’m just so struck by how nakuul’s best acting comes when there’s no/minimal dialogue, and he’s just made to REACT in a passive role, rather than taking the lead. like honestly gulneet, if you love him sooooooo much, why wouldn’t you write to his best abilities, rather than forcing him into scenes and situations where he comes off looking like a bloody amateur? LEARN TO UTILIZE YOUR FUCKING CAST BETTER, FOOLS.

ok fully i’m fully sobbing like a damn fool up in here, at her both laughing and crying. fuck will this fucking show never let go of me?????? when will i stop being affected by these damn characterssssssss.

aaaaaand his hamming’s started. ouff. chup reh na yaar. 5 second pehle hi toh maine taareef ki thi. let me at least have some more time to genuinely mean it.

this house is genuuuuuuuinely too clean to have been abandoned 25 years. i’m sorry but i cannot get over it.

..... no someone srsly explain to me from a medical/psychological point of view what exactly anika’s mental situation is/was? like, she didn’t remember anything about her father or home for 25+ years and now suddenly she even remembers what songs dad used to play on the radio and how good her dad’s cooking was? she now remembers that mom died giveng birth to chutki, but there was a moment where she thought nayantara could genuinely be her mom. is this some kinda PTSD/retrograde amnesia combo or what?

his slight smile at her happiness at memories tho. sigh.

aaaaaaaaaand the guilt is back. in fullllllllllllll force.

oh no. truth time. dun dun dunnnnnnnnnn.

oh bb girl. oh honey.

also, verrrrryyyyyyy interesting: callback/parallel to the pose they assumed when she FIRST revealed about not ever knowing her family and the hardships she’s fought against because of it.

WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU TURN THE LIGHTS OFF FOR THE SURPRISE WHEN YOU KNOW SHE’S DEATHLY SCARED OF THE FUCKING DARK YOU MORON

chalo achcha hai, omRu have SOME skillz at least.

god i want cake now.

ONE MORE MOTI JOKE OMFG I WILL FLY MY ASS DOWN TO MUMBAI AND FUCKING BURN THIS WHOLE FUCKING SHOW DOWN I SWEAR TO THE LORDS ABOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

yeah okay sappy cute. this shit does nothing for me anymore. either break my fucking heart, or give me the tharak. this cute bullshit don’t work on me no more.

lmaoooooooooooo oh man

this would be an excelllllent meme image for this show.

“me looking for sense and logic in this show”

“rikara fans looking for rikara in this show”

so on and so forth....

these two’s babies would have very nice smiles. just saying.

lmao this buaaaaa sooooo damn bittttterrrrrrr. bua get a damn hobby, man. like maybe hairstyling or something.

OMFG WHAT A FUCKING WASTE OF CAKE I HATE YOU PPL THERE’S CAKELESS PPL DYING IN THE WORLD (me)

“haye haye, itne gusse mein kyun hai???” lmao bua have you met him? his default factory setting is gussa. you have to be at least lvl 4 to unlock amicable feelings.

daaaaaaaaaaaang, bua just went straighttttt to the point.

this buaaaaa keeps spilling secrets soooooooo insouciantly.... like so casually she dropped that veer is her son. now she’s dropping that she has HVT’s suicide note. like surely it would be better to just keep these things to yourself and use them as fucking bombs? why would you give them away?

LOL SHIVAAY’S DRAMATIC READING OF THE LETTER AS IF HE’S PERFORMING SHAKESPERE ON THE STAGE.

aur bg mein bua ke reactions. too gooooood. overdramatic chutiyaapa runs in the oberoi blood.

i reaaaalllllllllly don’t understand his belief of HVT’s innocence. based on fucking what? this is as nonsensical as anika’s belief that shady 4 didn’t set the fire, despite all proof being against them? like, JUST coz these ppl birthed your boo thang doesn’t mean that they’re innocent of shit they’re being accused of????????

LMAOOOOOOOOOOO SHE JUST KEEPS PULLING OUT COPY AFTER COPY AND THIS DUMBASS KEEPS DESTROYING IT AS IF SHE WOULDN’T HAVE MORE COPIES.

lel same, roop. #same.

WHY DOES THIS BUA KEEP TELLING SHIVAAY ALL HER SECRETS????? LIKE.... IS SHE JUST REALLY LONELY, AND SHIVAAY’S THE ONE PERSON WHO LISTENS TO HER THESE DAYS?

that signature they showed in the fb looks nothing like the one in the letter shivaay was reading.

daaaaamn khooooooni bua just killed two of shivaay’s girls’ dads. in one nightttttt.

DUDE I LOVE BUA’S CONFIDENCE. DID SHE RAISE SVETLANA OR WHAT? ONLY ONE STRONGASS CRAZY BITCH COULD HAVE SPAWNED ANOTHER ONE. maybe that’s why svetlana calls veer her bro!

fully subscribed to this headcanon!

the face of a man who knows he’s thoroughly and absolutely FUCKED.

12. 04. 18

i say send the khud ke maa baap to jail. they could use some jail time to get their heads screwed on right.

OK TOO FAR BUA. TOOOOOO FUCKING FAR.

oh ho ho ho jo karna hai kar lijiyeeeee and all. i like my man’s (misplaced) confidence.

BUT MORE THAN ANYTHING I LOVE BUA’S CONFIDENCE. FUCKKKKKKK HOW TO GET SOMEEEEEE

TELL ME GAURI WALKS IN SEES ALL THIS STUFFFFFFFFF AND FUCKING BRINGS OUT HER PICCCCCCCC AND THEY REUNITE OMG JUST GIMMMMME THIS ALREADYYYYYYYYYYYY

god shivaay just fucking tell them....

WHATTTTT THIS IS THE MOST LAMEASS DIVERSIONNNNNNNN COVERUPPPPPPPPPP

OH GOD SHIVAAAAAAAY COULD YOU BE MORE SHADY YOU DUMBASSSS

onceeee they find out they’re soooooo gonnnnna fuckkkkkkk anika over oh godddddddddddddddd

like ok however powerful shivaay is, i find it hard to believe he can get everything erased from the damn internet. bitch, plz.

someone’s in a loveyyyyyyyyy mood.

lol look at her jankyass but cute little label with her name on it.

cute belly poke!

“yehi meri naam, khoon, khandaan, aur pehchaan hai. bohut saal bitaaye hai maine is naam ke bina.”

AAAAAND THEY RUINED IT WITH THE FUCKING “YEH TOH AAPKA BADAPPAN HAI” BS. GIRL HONESTLY HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN HOW THIS MARRIAGE STARTED OR WHAT???? LIKE.... WHAT KINDA FUCKERY...... (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

........ AGAINNNNN EXPLAIN TO ME HOW SHE SUDDENLYYYYYYY REMEMBERS ALLLL THESE DETAILS ABOUT HER DAD. LIKE....

ugh maaaaaaaaan the angggggggggst. FUCKING DO YOUR JASOOSI QUICKLY ALREADY SHIVAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY

god now what’s fucking bhavya’s deal nowwwwwwww.

UGH THIS FAM AND IT’S EXTRA AF BS

aw, shivaay’s as choked up as she is.

THE SHOW IS FINALLY REDEEMING PINKY PROPERLY ITS FINALLY REDEEMING PINKY SDLFKJSDLFKJSDLFJSLDJFLSD THIS IS NOT A DRILLLLLLLLL

the scene’s being ruined for me with the frequent cuts to jhanvi. i really hate her. at least gimme more of rikara’s beautiful faces in these scenes rather than these other waste characters.

ok us baat par, obligatory beautiful faces waala break:

jfc. an angel. an actual fucking angellllllll sent from heaven above.

ok back to regular programming:

THIS IS ALLLLLLL IVE WANTED FROM THIS SHOWWWWWWWWWW AB JUST GIVE ME ANIRI AND KHATAM KAROOOOOO PLEASEEEEEEE LET ME JUST LIVE IN PEACEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE BAS KHATAM KAROOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

GOD I’M JUST WAITING FOR THE OTHER SHOE TO DROP THOUGH, FOR WHEN THEY FIND OUT SHE’S THE FOREMAN’S DAUGHTERRRRRRRR THEY’RE GONNA TURN ON HER SOOOOOOOO FASTTTTTTTTTTTT

only took two weddings and both of them taking bullets for each other and drowning and being buried alive and jumping out of a plane and vanvaas and god knows what other hell, for finally getting mom’s acceptance. such is the life of a raja beta.

FINAAAALLLLLLY WE HAVE THE AUNTY NAHI, MAAAAAAA BOL TROPEEEE

jfc is pinky dying after hearing MAA or what????? is she ok?????

ok this scene just became hellllllaaaa overdramatic for NO reason?????

SHAKTIJI IS LIKE OK I ALSO WANT TO BE PART OF THIS TIME FOR ME TO REMIND YOU I’VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU MORE THAN ALLLLL THE REST OF THESE FUCKERS.

...... god i’m dying of cringeeeeeeee at these fuckers realizingggg who her dad issss. please god let them be decent human beings and not turn on her. please. PLEASE!!!!!!

I CAN’T BELIEVE SHIVAAY STILL HASN’T PUT THE GAURI IS CHUTKI CLUE TOGETHER YET. DUDE, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YO DUMB ASSSSSSSS

oh no they’re realizing, they’re realizingggggggg

GOD SHIVAAAAY YOU’RE SO FUCKING SHAAAAADY AND BAD AT THISSSSSSSSSSS

god this kul patri garbage again

my baby looks soooooo happy though. and alll my other happy babiessssss. 😭😭😭😭😭😭

FUCKING GIMME ANIRIIIIIIIIIII ALREADYYYYYYYYYYYYYY 😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫

ab toh billu ka 34th bday bhi aaa gaya (chala bhi gaya kya?) will they now finally do that kulgothra poooja or whatever to make his life lesssss chaotic and messy???/ please do. please fucking doooo. 

13. 04. 18

ok finally. the fucking episode i sat through all this other garbage for. GIVE ME THE SEXXXXXXXXX!!

poor billu can’t enjoy cuddles from happy lovey wife because of manhoos bua. keede pade tujhpe bua.

ugh you’ve promised her this khushi BS like 40 times already and always fucked up. maybe just promise it to yourself this time, so at least she isn’t heart broken when you break it. again.

first of all, it’s a stupid fucking promise in the first place. you can’t reasonably promise over shit you have no control over. I’M SORRY FOR BEING SUCH A CYNIC BUT THEM’S THE FACTS OK

lelllll, wife is in The Mood™. that is patent boy-you-about-to-get-realllllll-lucky face.

OK I’M SORRY TO INTERRUPT AND RUIN THIS, BUT I GET SO ANNOYED WHENEVER THERE’S A KISS AND SHE LEAVES HER LIPSTICK/GLOSS ALL OVER HIM. LIKE Y’ALL TOO CHEAP TO SPRING FOR THE TRANSFERPROOF STUFF FOR THE ONE SCENE EVERY 6 MONTHS OR WHAT???? ffs. ek toh this man’s skin is so pale ki he’s almost translucent. light theek na ho toh bhoot lage. uske upar se yeh alag chutiyaaapa.

ok sorry. back to the sex.

THOSE SOME PRETTY SULTRY FUCK ME EYES ANIKAAAAAAAA

uhhhhhhh huh, get it billllllluuuuuuuuu. you kisss that neck. kiss it gooood.

OUFF YAAR KOI YEH MANHOOS DUPATTA TOH HATAAAOOO, WHO THE F WEARS DUPATTA IN BED????????????

finally. it’s slipping off!

AND IT’S OFF. HALLELUJAH. JAI MATA DI LET’S ROCK!!! 

OH HO HO HO HO PLOT TWIST, SHE SHALL BE DOING THE NECK KISSING TONIGHT. WIFE’S IN CONTROL TODAY. HOLD ON BILLU!!!!!

lmao, A+ sanskaari sex face, shivaay.

billu’s long-forgotten hand fetish has also come out to play tonight!

OHNOEOHNOEOHNOE BONER KILLING BUA THOUGHTS NO NO NO DON’T RUIN THIS FUCKING NO GET YOUR HEAD BACK IN THE FUCKING GAME OBEROI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(literally, “the fucking game” kekekeke)

phew thankfully wife takes controlllllllllllllllll and seals the deallllllllllll

THIS WAS THE SEX SCENE WE DESERVED, instead of whatever the fuck laal ishq was. it mighhhht have just unseated the pool waala hotness for me because yaaaas, this scene had female agency and desire and taking control and just a refreshing lack of  “shivaay yeh aaaap KYAAAA kar rahein haiiiii?????” THANK YOU. AT LEAST THE ONE GOOD SEX SCENE FROM THIS GODFORSAKEN SHOW. NOW GIMME RIKARA SEX

NOW ALL I ASK OF YOU IS THAT THEY USED PROTECTION THIS NIGHT; COZ THESE FOOLS STILL NOT READY TO PUT A BABY IN THE INSANE ROLLERCOASTER THAT IS THEIR DAILY LIFE. PLEASE LORD, DON’T LET HER BE PREGNANT. PLEASE I BEG OF YOU.

LMAOOOOOOO MAYBE IT’S YOUR FAULT FOR TRUSTING A SECURITY GUARD WITH THIS INSTEAD OF A REAL PROFESSIONAL???

ouff this damn buaaaaaa.

lmao, i’m just checking his neck for hickeys. anika seemed pretttty into the neck kissing last night.

how the fuckkkkk is that suicide note even credible? like that signature was very obviously obtained under duress. matlab kuch bhi.

lolololol “bore ho rahi thi” - villains who fuck shit up justtttt for shits and giggles are my faaaaaav.

lmao what the fuck do you mean saari media ko khareeedna pade????

WHAT THE FUCK EVEN IS THIS MAN, HE CALLS THE POLICE AND IS LIKE YOU’RE GONNA GET SOME EVIDENCE. IT’S FAKE. *I* WILL TELL YOU WHO THE CULPRIT IS IN A BIT. LIKE...........

LMAO MY GOD ALL THE DAANT JOKES I CAN’T HANDLE. FROM HIS DAANT PEESNA TOH DAANTON MEIN BEAUTYYYYY!!!!! WHOEVER IS WRITING ALL THESE META JOKES IN, +10 TO YOU AND ONLYYYYYYY YOUUUUUUUUU.

again...... why the fuckkkkkkk would you TELLLLLLLLL him this roop??? like, wouldn’t it have been better to let him think he’s won, and then have this as a backup plan?

SHIVAAY YOU DUMBASS WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DRIVE ALL THE WAY BACK FOR THIS INSTEAD OF CALLING OMRU AND TELLING THEM TO INTERCEPT

jfcccccccccccccccccccccccccc. in the nick of fucking timeeee.

... ok that’s the lamest reason possible.

wife knows something’s up. alllll the way back for a hug? not even a kiss with some tongue? seems like a raw deal.

STOP BABBLING SHIVAAY. GOD YOU’RE THE WORST LIAR EVER. EVER.

not amused. not fooled. that face is just screaming fuckkkkkkk youuuuuu.

ok that was most contriveddddd drop of MS ever; but call me a sucker. i fucking love this trope in this show ok. i just do. whenever this happens it’s like.... reassuring, ki ultimately they’ll make it through okay.

guh. i’m not in the clutches of this show and couple like i used to be, but stilllllll, some moments reallllly fucking get to me man.

oh ho ho ho, look who went from not being able to physically spit out the words “i love you” to freely saying “main tumse bohut pyaar karta hoon”! good on you billu. +10 points to slytherin!

goddamnit billu you’ve got her thinking you’re fucking dying or some shit. stop scaring a girl like this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JFC SHIVAAY. LIKE ANIKA’S A WAY STRONGER WOMAN THAN ME COZ THIS WHOLE SPEECH WOULD HAVE MADE ME COLLAPSE IN A FUCKING PANIC ATTACK TO RIVAL ALL FUCKING PANIC ATTACKS. THIS IS NOT HOW YOU FUCKING BREAK NEWS TO PPL.

AND @ ALL THOSE PPL WHO’RE LIKE OH SHIVAAY’S AN AWESOME HUSBAND (ESP. COMPARED TO OM) LOOK AT ALL HE DID, THIS IS WHY I’M LIKE NAAAAAAH. LIKE, I’LL RESPECT THAT HE WANTS TO PROTECT HER. BUT IT PALES IN THE LIGHT HE’S STILL WITHHOLDING STUFF FROM HER, STUFF THAT SHE IS ENTITLED TO KNOW BECAUSE IT’S PERTAINING TO HER LIFE. THIS IS ANIKA’S FIGHT TO FIGHT.  NOT HIS. HIS JOB IS TO SUPPORT HER IN THAT FIGHT, NOT FIGHT IT FOR HER. MAN, JUST TELL HER THE FUCKING TRUTH, HOW MUCH EVER YOU KNOW. ROOP BUA IS VEER’S MOM. SHE MURDERED TIA AND YOUR DADS’ AND SET THE MILLS ON FIRE COZ SHE’S A CRAZY BITCH. THERE. DONE. HONESTLY. INSTEAD, AS ALWAYS, THIS GUY IS INFANTILIZING HER AND KEEPING STUFF FROM HER AS IF SHE’S SOME CHINA DOLL. HAVE YOU MET ANIKA? SHE’S THE STRONGEST EVER. YOU FUCKING FALL APART TO PIECES EVERY TIME YOU GET SOME SHADY NEWS ABOUT YOUR FAM. WHO THE F GAVE YOU OF ALL PPL THE RIGHT TO KEEP SHIT FROM HER??????

never thought i’d say this, but in this matter even rudra proved to be smarter than shivaay (+om.) gawd.

she’s also a dumbass, promising based on knowing fucking nothing.

OMFG I CANNOT BELIEVE RUDRA IS YET AGAIN BEING THE FUCKING SMARTEST ONE HERE WITH ALL THE CORRECT ANSWERS AND EVERYONE IS JUST IGNORING HIMMMMM. 

oh ho ho ho ho billu picking anika over family.

only in name tho. warna let them go to jail na.

blah blah blah dono bhai blah blah blah who will aid and abet in lying and concealing the truth fuck y’all

lolololol i read on IF that apparently bua’s “pasand ki ladki” is gonna be........ SVETLANA, and tbh, i cannot stop cackling and clapping in delight. this is going to be fucking hilariousss and funnnnnn.

LMAOOOOOO BUA’S SASSY INCREDULOUSNESS AND STRAIGHT UP “WHY THE FUCKKKKKK WOULD I MAKE THIS DEAL WITH YOU”

LOLOLOLOL WHO’S CHARLIEEEEEE, AND MY GOD EVEN HEEEEE KNOWS ALL THE SECRETSSSSS LIKE.... AT THIS POINT ONLY SHE DOESN’T KNOW.

damn shivaaay, what a kachcha khilaadi you are if you think she’d give you the folder right then. like what kinda piss poor business man are ya???????

 mannnnn, bua’s really growing on me. like really really.

also oh ho ho ho ho. achcha write in to have shivaay disappear for a few days while nakuul’s on break. good. you can keep him bua. i guarantee ki kuch ghante baad aap hi khud usko khulla chod dengi, coz the man is insufferable. 

MEANWHILE THESE DUMBASSES ARE SHOUTING ABOUT THEIR PLANS IN THE LIVING ROOM LIKE OMGGGGG WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING STUPIDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD ITNE DINO BAAD DIALOGUE AUR FOOTAGE MILA HAI, FUCKING ABHI TOH AKAL SE KAAM LO

[partynthem]

i was tagged by @midsummersky !! thank u yasmin this was wild

rules: list 10 artists you like before answering these questions:

arctic monkeys

sza

lorde

dua lipa

hozier

the last shadow puppets

banks

miguel

alexandra savior

haim

what was the first song you heard by 6? (the last shadow puppets) i think it was either standing next to me or my mistakes are made for you, i don’t really remember which exactly cos i just started shuffling their spotify profile and somehow ended up here

what is your favourite song by 8? (miguel) oooh right now it’s probably told you so but overall i’d say adorn or caramelo duro

what kind of impact has 1 left on your life? (arctic monkeys)  what an appropriate artist for this question to be for.. well. arctic monkeys are my absolute fucking loves and i would in all sincerity die for them at any moment. they mean sooo so so so soooosososoosso much to me and listening to them always feels like coming home in a way cos even tho my music taste has kinda grown in a different direction than the genre they technically fall into they’re still my eternal favs and honestly always will be regardless of other artists i get into. i ofc looooove their music itself (and god their fucking lyrics alex is SO talented and creative and intelligent and fascinating i wanna die) but they’ve also been such a significant part of a lot of my relationships in the last few years which sounds kinda weird but one of my closest friends and i only started bonding in high school bc we both liked am (and now we’re seeing them together over the summer! we’ve come so far) and then my ex girlfriend and i used to watch am livestreams together as an Activity (peak romance tbh) and now w this blog i’ve met so many lovely people and it’s just... they did that. they make me so happy and feel so warm and i just LOVE them. so . so so much.

what are your favorite lyrics by 5? (hozier) “there’s an art to life’s distractions” / “innocence died screaming, honey ask me i should know” / “you don’t understand, you should never know how easy you are to need”

how many times have you seen 4 live? (dua lipa) i have never seen her live!!! very sad i wish i could :’(

what is your favorite song by 7? (banks) ALIBI oh my god i fucking LOVE that song so much. banks in general kinda makes me sad/feel how i felt when i used to work at this restaurant where all the managers hated me and one of my coworkers tried almost every day to get me to drive her across dc to her dealers so as you can imagine it’s kinda weird. listening to her first album feels like diving into my past life cos i was super into her the summer before my second year of college (which is when i transferred to w&m and when my life as it is now began) so.. it feels a lil strange. but to be completely real .. alibi is in my top 5 favorite songs of all time

is there any song by 3 that makes you sad? (lorde) the question should be are there any songs by lorde that DON’T make me sad lmao. it’s mostly bc i listened to melodrama nonstop last summer when i was Crazy Depressed so now whenever i listen to that album it makes me feel like i’m in that place again cos unfortunately that happens and not even lorde is safe from the claws of my depression. anyway tho. hard feelings/loveless makes me super sad (but additionally cos my ex and i were talking a bit last summer around the same time as my depression spiral and i was Stressed and Having Emotions and Relating to that song lol) and also notably ribs. i can’t explain why but that song makes me so sad

what is your favorite song by 9? (alexandra savior) cupid!!! easily. i love her whole album though every song is SO good

how did you first get into 2? (sza) one of my friends played child’s play in her car ALLLLL the time when we first became friends and eventually i looked sza up and started listening to her other songs and literally fell in love. wild cos i didn’t vibe w ctrl when i first listened to it and was all ‘mmm i like her first album more’ but then idk some switch in me flipped and i woke the fuck up and now it’s honestly… maybe.. my favorite album of all time. maybe. hard to say. but i love sza so much and i owe my friend my life for introducing me to her

how did you get into 10? (haim) one of my close friends in high school showed me the if i could change your mind video cos she’s gay af and was like ‘pls look at these beautiful women’ and cos of that i started listening to their first album which is a literal masterpiece 10/fucking10

anyways i tag @thaknows @alexturner @upthebrackets @alexturntable @theyreinsensibleshoes and @alexturner2005 if u want! 💞

[belarath]

so I've finally figured out how to vent on here again without falling into a panic spiral which is lovely  :  and I’m just going to spam myself here cause I really need to let something out   :   I’m dying, I'm just straight up dying in here   :   I’m so empty, in many ways   :   I’m wrecked physically, I couldn't walk up a hill 2 weeks ago without sitting down halfway though, and I don't mean a big hill I mean the side of a lightly inclined large road   :   I barely can make it to eat anymore, sitting up is a challenge, any you can forget any kind of maintenance   :   I got better yesterday only just so I could wash my hair enough that after washing it again today its not riddled with dandruff enough to clog up my comb anymore   :   I finally shaved which I like, but i’ve only been able to enjoy that at home. I step outside and its not good for how anxious I am. I had a fake lining of protective masculinity that I relied on to convince me I’m safe. I still felt uncomfortable going places especially at night but it wasn't to bad. now though I’m double as certain every person I see will shank me. I’m constantly looking over my shoulder which panics me cause every time I do that I'm certain that makes me look afraid which makes me a better target   :   though shaving has made me feel better physically   :   I hate my body so much, but shaving makes me feel a bit better which is a relief, the constant loathing of how I look is very very draining   :   you'd think that like after alllll this god damn time it'd get a little easier to live with such a retched self body image but its just so heavy feeling still   :   I worry   :   I’ve always been a very sad person   :   and like I acknowledge that Its probably not healthy how sad I am all the time but   :   I’ve been like this my entire life   :   I’ve never felt happy for longer than like, maybe more than a month or 2 straight   :   I’m so confident in how well I can endure the deathly long expanses of numbness and hyper draining lack of energy   :  the lack of passion for anything the tastelessness of food   :   the contentment to not move the endless wishing for god damn peace and quiet   :   I have that thing where you really just don't want to exist, I just don't want to have to live in this body and be this mind, I acknowledge I don't have a fear of death because I day dream about not being alive in the sense that being alive is very very very heavy   :   not all the time but,,  so much of the time and that not needing to feel the desire to not want to feel heavy anymore is lovely   :   like I’ve lived like this for my entire memory and so just continuing to live has been my jam   :   I know that if I did die, my Mum would not cope, she’s die   :   I’ve watched her claw her way through things, I swear she doesn't know how hard she’s had it, and I cannot take any joy she's gleamed from this life she's sacrificed so much to reach by selfishly dying   :   death is out of the option until my Mum dies   :   and its likely that death will be out of the option until my close friends either drift away or die as, well, they’ve gone though too much, one specifically I worry about, and I think that dying would be rude to say the least   :   and again its just very selfish   :   one of the virtues of having been programmed to treat myself as lesser is that this instinct has prevent my death which is cool   :   it does make for some suffering though   :   but anyway i’ve drifted   :   I wasn't worried about myself and my sadness until this week   :   I think wednesday? I think I had a moment, I’m certain I had a moment where I fantasied about self harm, and the thing about this is that fantasising about it made me feel better, which really is the part I’m scared about   :   funny thing is though that I have a friend who did self harm but they used like a cutting tool and in my head I was like “ugh no thats just not the way to do it stabing is a way better idea!”   :   my friend told me about their experience and they said they knew it was dumb thing to do cause they had people they knew that did it but they still did it, I forget the reason why. but they regretted it and for some reason it made me thing that I’m way more reasonable because I learnt from them and decided that using like cork board pins seems like a way better idea XD   :   I didn't self harm because the pin I had on me I’m sure wasn't clean and I didn't have the energy or the free break to go get a clean one, and going through the rigamarole of sterilising and then trying to hide it was just,,, to much for my stamina to think possible.  : luckily again another piece of programming “gifted” to me by good old paterna saved me from this moment of self harm as I believe everything has to be done by the book! not by like a real book but the book he taught me to make for myself. what a lovely instinct! to have half my brain assigned to making rules to punish and contain my self which is completely SELF SUFFICIENT   :   I’m being sarcastic btw   :   to the core of me tip to toe I hate it with a fucking passion   :   one of the few passions that I do have XD   :   but again I drifted though   : the moment passed and I haven't wanted to self harm again since then which is good but I’m still unnerved   :   I’m so scared   :   I’ve been dying on the inside for a little bit now   :   I think i have anxiety, and i think I may have a little paranoia though I haven't googled it so I may not   :   but gosh its been put into perspective how self destructive I am   :   there was a post which listed a bunch of self destructive behaviours 28 in total, I had 21 of them and the other 7 involved sexuality which I don't have much of being mostly ace   :   I remember thinking “its a fairly good list” but it kinda highlighted somethings    :   it made me think    :   maybe dressing in wet clothes because you couldnt be bothered to keep your body clothed cleanly and then going out in cold windy weather even though you know you’re going to shiver and probably chafe a bit and then be super hungry cause your cold so you decide to eat out and berate yourself for spending or get home and eat and berate yourself for not making something better and getting fatter or not eating just cause who cares.   MAYBE THATS SELF DESTRUCTIVE   :   or maybe staying at public dnd games which a bunch of people who unnerve you and sap you of energy for sometimes chunks of 3 to 5 hours because you “don't want to offend people” or “don't want to mess up anyones schedule” while also not eating or drinking enough MaYbE ThAtS SeLfDeStRuCtIvE Too   :   maybe its knowing you will get horrific migraines or want to throw up from lack of sleep and maybe that will spike your anxiety about being fired from your work because you can't shake the feeling everyone wants to fire you but you don't mention anything because you'd feel bad about leaving or something and because some of these people you actually like you'll degrade yourself more because they are worth it and you’re not MAYBE THATS FUCKING SELF DESTRUCTIVE   :   I WANT TO SCREAM BUT I DONT   :   I NEVER FUCKING HAVE AND IM DYING INSIDE   :   god I get so mad and I scream so loud in my head my head hurts   :   I’m so broken in so many intricate ways and I know I could feel so much better but, theres so much in the way! and most of its me thats in the way! I’m so close to not even just like help Im so close to comfort! I just want be held by people I like, I’m sure I could ask for like more hugs or to cuddle or to hold hands or for people to play with my hair or for just in general human contact of any kind but, theres so much social anxiety to even begin to ask something like that and that even if I were to get consent how the hell could i learn to initiate!? I”M SO FUCKING SCARED to like ask for physical contact from yet another trauma as a kid. If it weren't bad enough that I’m hyper petrified about getting consent for any kind of physical contact but I also believe that if i were to touch people it would be automatically labeled as predatory because I’m male. I’m starting to think maybe sexual trauma as a kid has had a bigger effect on my psyche than I think? which in all honesty is just, its just exhausting to hold in my head that idea.