#I’m her housewife y’all

[robilover]

oh, to be on robin’s lap and being held by her with her wings wrapped around your body. I know it’d be so soft and warm! the way she’d hold you close to her body while planting little kisses on your face, whispering sweet nothings while smiling ever so softly to her loving girlfriend.

or if you’re cooking or washing the dishes or doing anything at all, she’d come up behind you and wrap her arms around your waist, gently pulling you into her loving embrace. her wings wrapping around you as well because she trusts you the most. you’re her girlfriend and she wants to let you know that you’re loved and cared for!

despite her tight schedule due to her rehearsals and tours, she’d never forget about you!! expect her to send you messages, updating you about how she’s going and asking how you’re doing. she’d even start a video chat because she misses her darling! she’d tell you how much she misses you, how much she misses your voice, your touch, your cuddles—and of course, your kisses! oh, how she misses your kisses </3 she wants so much to be home quick, to be in your arms once more and to bask in your scent. she thinks about you daily!

and, once she’s done with her tour, her mind immediately goes to you. she’d bring souvenirs just for you; may it be sweets, clothes, accessories—anything that reminds her of you, she’d buy it!

after a long day of travelling back to your home, she smiled the whole time. she may be the big spoon most of the time, but when she’s tired, she just wants to be held by you! that’s how much robin loves and trusts you <33

[5sospenguinqueen]

Emotional Range Of A Teaspoon | Pierre Gasly

Summary: What right does he have to feel angry at the sight of Y/N and Charles? The answer is none. After all, she's only his best friend. Isn't she?

Warnings: Swearing. Angst. Fluff. Jealousy. One suggestive comment

No faceclaim but British reader. 2024 timeline

F1 Masterlist

Requested: Yes (sorry it's a little late)

This one actually comes with a tiny text paragraph mid-way through

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Replies to @ PierreGASLY

Charles_Leclerc c’mon mate, it’s only been two days 

→ PierreGASLY a whole lifetime 

→ ItsYN i can’t even remember what you look like 

→ Charles_Leclerc and the people say that i am the dramatic one 

AlpineF1Team think you can channel that pain into some points this weekend?

→ PierreGASLY why aren’t you taking my pain seriously 

→ AlpineF1Team do you want us to schedule you an appointment with the counsellor?

→ ItsYN i don’t think that counsellor gets paid enough to listen to him

User1 ouch, talk about friendzoned 

→ User2 no, no, they’re in the denial stage of their friends to lovers arc

Replies to @ ItsYN

PierreGASLY i can still hear your voice

→ PierreGASLY although i’m glad you’re not making me suffer through the lost boys again

→ ItsYN okay first off, you love that movie. and second, because of that, i’m telling everyone you cried watching cars 3

→ PierreGASLY traitor!

→ LiamLawson30 as any man would!

Charles_Leclerc don’t worry y/n, i’ll have movie night with you 

→ ItsYN are you going to make me watch harry potter again?

→ Charles_Leclerc yes..?

→ ItsYN @ PierreGASLY come back please 

Replies to @ Charles_Leclerc

User3 not charles tweeting this the day after the canadian gp. y/n missed the canadian gp and you can tell poor charles had to hear all about it 

ItsYN we all know i would be the soldier and pierre would be the doting housewife crying on the platform 

→ PierreGASLY and i would look radiant doing so

Max33Verstappen he wouldn’t shut up about her during the driver’s parade. i tried to walk off and he followed me!

→ PierreGASLY i was in the middle of a sentence!

→ danielricciardo mate you know it’s bad when yapstappen needs you to stop talking

ItsYN stop talking about me. you're making it sound like we're friends

→ Charles_Leclerc excuse me but you know you want to be my bestie

→ PierreGASLY you can’t have her. she’s mine. i saw her first. shotgun or whatever you monagasques say for dibs 

→ GeorgeRussell63 actually i saw her first; her brother was my teammate when we were kids so 

→ PierreGASLY and just for that, i’m unfollowing you 

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Replies to @ CHICKEN!!

User4 whoever took this photo needs to go straight to jail. not y’all making it seem like charles and y/n are a sneaky item

User5 i knew she was shady, talking about how she couldn't make it only to end up in the winning driver’s garage 

PierreGASLY oh 

→ User6 wait no, pierre, come back. look at other tweets about this please

User7 stop being a shit stirrer. he’s literally got his other arm wrapped around alex ‘cause he was guiding the two of them through a ton of fans but that’s conveniently been cropped out 

Replies to @ BRAKKEEE

User8 i can’t believe people were trying to convince us ynarles was real when it’s clearly ynex

User9 love that charles was literally only there to keep them safe from fans and after that they were like ‘you’re done babe. now we run off into the sunset’ 

User10 watching him chase after them was so funny tho because he was literally yelling “let me play too” 

Replies to @ ItsYN

User11 oh no, we’re so sorry. we were just so happy to see you 

→ User12 yeah and pierre would’ve been happy to see her as well if you hadn’t blasted her all over the internet 

→ User13 pierre didn't exactly look all that happy though. he wouldn’t stop glaring at poor charles  

→ User12 maybe because you guys made it seem like his best friend lied to him to be with charles

Thumb aimlessly swiping at the screen of his phone, Pierre scanned the tweets as they passed, making note of a cute waffle shop in Monaco that he knew Y/N would love. Nothing of note appeared to have been posted as most of the Grid were waiting to hear where Sainz had signed. Hand halting, Pierre’s eyes flickered across the screen once. Twice. And then a third time just to be sure. His last message to Y/N had gone unanswered and now there was a picture of her on Twitter, claiming to be from today. With Charles’ arm around her. His teeth sank into his bottom lip, and a derisive scoff filled his driver’s room. What happened to being unable to book the time off work, he thought bitterly to himself. Instead she was in the Paddock with a red-clad arm wrapped around her. Before he could restrain himself, he had clicked on the ‘reply�� button. A knock at the door pulled him from his downward spiral, preventing him from looking further into the comments gushing about how cute his best friend and closest F1 friend looked as a couple. 

“Pierre, time to warm up.”

“D’accord.”

He locked his phone before dumping it onto the massage table, storming out of his driver’s room, unaware that if he had scrolled down another two posts, he would’ve seen a picture of Y/N with Alexandra and a tweet from the woman herself. 

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ItsYN just posted

liked by alexandrasaintmleux, estebanocon and others

ItsYN an amazing weekend in barcelona watching my best friend do his thing and achieve some well-deserved points. a huge thank you to charles and alex for helping me sneak into the paddock last-minute tagged: pierregasly, charles_leclerc and alexandrasaintmleux 

553 comments

alpinef1team our favourite things rolled into one post 

→ ItsYN mine too! 

→ User1 sis, get off the floor 

estebanocon should i be offended that you wearing my cap didn’t make the post 

→ ItsYN shh i can’t have my people thinking i have friends other than pear 

danielricciardo PIERRE GASSLLLYYYYY

→ ItsYN go thirst over him on his posts. my insta is a 310 free zone

→ danielricciardo just admit that you’re jealous of our love and move on

→ ItsYN was he publicly crying over missing YOU? i don’t think so 

→ danielricciardo that’s because i’m a better friend than you and i’ve been here the whole time

→ ItsYN blocked 

alexandrasaintmleux thank you for trusting me with the surprise! 

→ ItsYn thank you for being so wonderful and helping 🩷 (and stopping charles from throttling me)

→ charles_leclerc it’s because you wouldn’t stop saying thank you and asking me if i was “sure that it’s no bother” to help you 

→ It’sYN sorry for being considerate! 

User2 not to be that person but has anyone else noticed that pierre hasn’t commented?

→ User3 i'm getting the feeling that, despite all his online complaining, he wasn’t overly excited to see his best friend this weekend? 

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User4 not the f1wags posting her, they know the truth

→ User5 what truth. it doesn’t look they’re even friends anymore

User7 it’s the way she looks like she’s trying to explain/talk to him and he’s just yelling at her 

→ User8 i used to root for them to get together but now that he’s yelled at her :/

User9 y/n is stronger than me because if a man pointed his finger like that at me, i’d savagely bite it off 

User10 uh, who does he think he is talking to y/n l/n that way

User11 i bet it’s because he thought y/n was there for charles and got jealous 

→ User12 i’ve connected the dots

→ User13 you ain’t connected shit

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User14 idk which one i want to be more

→ User15 that’s because you want to be their third instead 

User16 i’m thirsty. anyone else thirsty

LandoNorris oh god my eyes

→ danielricciardo this is why you should stop looking at x rated things on the internet 

→ User17 what happened to your pr training?

→ Charles_Leclerc what happened to pierre’s?

User18 if only he could transfer this kind of passion onto the track 

User19 uh, the clarity of the third one?? did admin take this and then leak it online? 

→ AlpineF1Team i'm afriad that we’re finding out along with you guys but we’re not gonna pretend like we weren’t rooting for this 

ItsYN why am i trending on twitter?

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ItsYN just posted

liked by alexandrasaintmleux, lilymhe and others

ItsYN my little pain au chocolat 💕

845 comments

pierregasly we talked about you calling me pastries 

→ ItsYn yes, we did. and i didn’t take into account anything you said

→ pierregasly you are very lucky you're cute

→ ItsYN it's gotten me far in life

User1 talk about a hard launch

→ User2 they weren’t really given the choice considering they were caught snogging all over barcelona last weekend

alpinef1team pierre repping the alpine colours 

→ ItsYN release your chokehold on my man

→ alpinef1team no, you release your chokehold on our man 

→ ItsYN what happened to being supportive of this?

→ alpinef1team that was before all he did was yap about you!

lilymhe babe, this isn’t you. get up and come back to me 

→ ItsYN i’m sorry but i don’t think i can come back from this 

→ lilymhe what about us, what about everything we’ve been through

→ ItsYN you know i never wanted to hurt you

→ alex_albon @ pierregasly guess i’ll be seeing you at the next karaoke marathon 

→ pierregasly only if you sing breaking free with me

→ ItsYN this is why i love you

landonorris let’s take a moment for our fallen soldier… we lost an honourable brit to a french man

→ pierregasly it’s not my fault that i have charm and you don’t 

→ danielricciardo i didn’t realise charm meant having a tantrum when she asks your friend for help to surprise you 

→ pierregasly we agreed not to speak of that! 

→ ItsYN i don’t think you’re living this one down, macaron

charles_leclerc can you tell him to put his clothes back on, please

→ ItsYN i tried but he seems incapable of keeping them on around me

→ pierregasly charles is just jealous of my amazing physique 

→ charles_leclerc best you not talk about jealousy 

User4 @ ItsYN i love that they’ve not had a chance to pr train you yet

→ ItsYN never! 

User5 and they called me crazy when i said friends to lovers! 

→ ItsYN tbf hun, so did we. it took us a minute

→ User6 so pierre is slow on and off the track 

→ pierregasly hey! 

pierregasly just posted

liked by charles_leclerc, yukitsunoda0511 and others

pierregasly from movie nights to drunken karaoke, i would go on any adventure with you 

1,454 comments

ItsYN my best friend and my love 

→ alexandrasaintmleux i thought i was your best friend 

→ ItsYN i’m not allowed to post shirtless pics of you online though

→ charles_leclerc no you are not! 

→ User7 i hope pr never got ahold of her

→ alpinef1team she has an appointment with them on thursday

yukitsunoda0511 is this what they call simping?

→ pierregasly no

→ ItsYN yes

maxverstappen1 does this mean you’ll stop talking about her during driver’s parades?

→ pierregasly no 

→ yukitsunoda0511 he’ll just stop talking about whether she’s interested in any of us 

→ ItsYN he did that?

→ pierregasly no!

→ maxverstappen1 yes, the latest victim was logan

→ charles_leclerc actually i was the latest victim, and i will remain the most famous. my jealousy era is forever captured on the internet 

→ logansargeant @ pierregasly is that why you kept asking me what i thought about her?

landonorris you guys are kinda cute when you’re not yelling at her 

→ ItsYN please stop saying this. i'm the one who has to listen to him apologise over and over for the millionth time

→ pierregasly because i feel bad! 

→ ItsYN omg i know! 

danielricciardo mate, we get it. she’s your girl now but you can let go of her for two seconds. she’s not going to disappear

→ pierregasly it’s called a healthy attachment

→ ItsYN he says whilst cuddled into my neck and following me to the bathroom

lilymhe she’s so hot, drop me her @ please

→ pierregasly back off

→ ItsYN i’m right here bby girl. let me take out on a date 

→ charles_leclerc careful lily or he might start yelling at you next 

alpinef1team we’ve been asked by an anonymous source that you all refrain from discussing previous events. reparations have been made and it’s been advised that such an event remain in the past 

→ danielricciardo lol he ran to mom

→ landonorris anonymous source, my ass. just tag him

→ georgerussell63 this is so lame

→ alex_albon mate, this is more obvious than pierre’s jealousy 

→ charles_leclerc even i cannot support him through this 

→ ItsYN i love you, my little croissant, but i cannot pretend that this is normal

→ pierregasly ultimate betrayal

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Sorry if this wasn’t angst enough. Humour and fluff are more my forte.

As always, F1 requests open for the current grid and retired drivers.

Tag list

@peachiicherries @rosecentury

(A huge thank you to both of you for wanting to be added to all f1 posts. It means a lot)

[the-thing-withfeathers]

exceeded caution part 2

first time for everything

series masterlist | next part

a/n: heyy y’all!! so this is part 2 of exceeded caution. a lot of it follows the actual movie because i needed set-up for ghostface. there’s still a lot of interaction between the reader + sam & tara but some of it is from the first 30 minutes of scream vi essentially.

warnings: violence (gun usage, knife usage), cursing. he/him pronouns for ghostface. 5.8k words.

𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩

a few days ago, sam was nowhere near the forefront of your mind. you had stayed with the group as they navigated their way through accepting that ghostface might be back.

you hadn't spoken to tara much, you felt like you wouldn't be any help to her. she didn't need her ex-girlfriend that she only dated out of convenience around her constantly.

instead, the other carpenter sister started to find solace in your presence.

you found yourself over quite a bit, you noticed that they valued strength in numbers. you even all set a rotation between the group for who would cook that week.

during your week to cook, sam insisted on joining you when grocery shopping. as you promised her that she wouldn't be alone, she mentally promised you the same thing.

"it's just a simple beef stroganoff recipe, sam. you really don't have to come." you smiled sheepishly as you pulled up outside her apartment, she was hopping into your passenger seat.

"ghostface won't let a grocery store stop him from taking lives." sam was firm in her words, you sighed in defeat and drove off towards the shops that were only a couple minutes away from her place. you wanted her to feel safe still.

she pushed the cart while you took ingredients off the shelves, mumbling to yourself as you chucked them in the cart.

"tara used to say your food was amazing. where did you learn to cook?" she asked you, you looked away from your list to smile at her.

"my mom, she's amazing at cooking. she gave up her career to support my dad and become a fulltime housewife." you explained. "i used to help her cook all the time."

"that's pretty cool. i find myself never having the time for new foods. i should probably get on that."

"i can teach you some. or make some for you, i like cooking for people." you shrugged, taking another ingredient off the shelves.

sam would normally decline if you were anyone else, but she felt the urge to accept.

"sure. that would be nice." she nodded at you.

sam had enjoyed you being around more often and getting to know you outside of tara. she even found herself calling you a friend.

or rather, she tried to keep it at friend. she was trying to hide the fact that she felt a pull to you, she didn't know how to explain it. although, one thing was sure, there was an element of guilt to it.

she wasn’t the only one feeling guilty. you felt almost dirty with how much you thought of sam. because of the frequency of your contact, you found yourself wanting to see her more.

was this against some form of girl code that you shouldn’t want to hang out with your ex’s sister?

“um… how are you?” she could see that you were nervous to ask her that. “i know you probably get asked that all the time but i never ask… and i want to know.”

“that’s fine. i figured you would get curious. you always seem to be.” sam commented.

“is curiosity bad?” you teased a little, noting her phrasing.

“no! not at all.” she perked up, shaking her head.

“don’t worry sam, i’m joking.” you realised that the carpenter sisters weren’t used to bantering with someone they weren’t extremely close to— or someone they didn’t love.

“right.” she bit her lip. “but no? it’s not bad at all.” she chuckled. “but i’m… not okay?”

you nodded, respecting her answer and silently thanking her for being honest.

“i hoped that we would escape this when we moved. and i’ve been doing everything to protect tara but it didn’t end for sidney prescott— so i assume that it won’t end for us.” she scratched her brow, the stress getting to her. “i’m sorry you got involved.”

“it’s okay, sam. i knew what i was getting into when i dated tara.” you nodded. “if it happened again, i already knew i’d stick around.”

“that’s admirable.”

you felt your heart clench a little when she said that. nobody had ever told you that your desire to stick around was admirable. you always got “clingy” or “overbearing.” that was the first time you’d ever gotten a compliment on it.

“oh! um… thank you.” you stuttered out, a blush flooding your cheeks. you knew that sam meant it too, she wasn’t just saying it to make you feel better. she was genuinely saying it.

“it’s true.” it was.

you tried to push your flustered down into the depths of your mind as you struggled to reach the top shelf with the last of your ingredients. you were definitely taller than tara— everyone was. but not tall enough to face this eight layered shelf.

sam was.

sam was taller. and she made that perfectly clear when she basically pressed up behind you to grab this damn dijon mustard for you.

oh no… oh no… you had to stop those thoughts. you had turned around too quickly, basically coming chest to chest with the girl. she didn’t seem to mind— and you refused to mind.

you had never been this close to her before. your eyes trailed over all her features, taking them in. she looked just like tara… maybe that’s whats got your heart beating at the speed of light.

but she wasn’t tara. no, she was sam. and you found that to be what sealed the deal for you.

you found her pretty.

you remained silent as you finished off the last of the ingredient collection. you walked over to the self check-out, scanning the items as the blush continued to make its presence known as sam hovered.

you shuffled some things around in your pocket to try and find your card but before you knew it, sam was paying for your groceries.

“what—“ you tried to protest but the transaction had gone through already.

sam didn’t know what overcame her.

it was her way of taking care of you.

it was even her way of apologising to you.

"sam, you didn't have to do that." you shook your head at her.

"my treat, i didn't get to cook for everyone so this is my way of contributing." she shook you off. you knew that was a lie because mindy sent you a photo of meals you missed, one being sam's.

there was no undoing it now. you sighed and reached for the bags, but sam was one step ahead of you, grabbing them and walking out of the store.

you wished you could wash the blush off with soap.

𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩

when you arrived for dinner with your groceries. everyone was already at the carpenter’s apartment. they were spread out across the entire floor, conversing with each other.

you got to cooking almost immediately, knowing that everyone had potentially been there for a while. sam left your side to talk to quinn.

you kept feeling eyes on you.

the shorter carpenter sister was talking to mindy when she felt her attention turn away from her and onto you. she watched you cook, she actually always loved your cooking.

she loved when you would make a dinner catered just to her. she actually missed how lively the kitchen used to be when you were in it. you were even dancing around now, your headphones tucked over your ear.

she smiled a little at how you shook your waist to the music. everyone knew not to bother you so you could get it done quicker.

but tara wanted to bother you. she wanted to approach you and say something, anything to break the silence.

you were friends before everything went down. she thought that maybe she could at least salvage that, that would be her way to redemption.

mindy kept talking and talking before cutting herself off suddenly, realising that tara was no longer paying attention.

“tara, don’t.” mindy said, disappointment clear in her tone. “this is something you need to give time to.”

“there’s been a lot of time.” tara muttered, glaring at mindy.

“you can’t just break her heart and expect her to let you back in so quickly.” mindy held her shoulder back.

“i know it won’t be quick, but i have to try.” tara said through her teeth, pulling her shoulder out of mindy’s grasp and starting to make her way towards you.

tara stopped on her heels when she saw her sister already take your attention. she thought that she’d better not interrupt you.

“whatcha listening to?” sam asked you, her arms crossed over her chest.

you pulled your headphones back a little.

“sloppy jane.” you said.

“sloppy jane? what kind of name is that?!” sam laughed.

“she’s cool! i promise!” you raised your hands up in defense. you took your headphones off your head, you gently placed them on sam. your hands nicking strands of her long hair before you pulled them away.

she held eye contact with her as her head bobbed to the music, you matched the bobbing, knowing which part of the song she was on.

a smile formed on her face while you two were in sync. your eyes started to crinkle up with a smile as your hair started getting in your face when you headbanged. she joined you until the kitchen was filled with laughter.

“okay… okay. i see it now. she has a good sound.” sam agreed with you, placing the headphones back on you but leaving an ear open.

“thank you.” you chuckled, moving the beef strips into the bowl you intended to serve it in.

“this smells soooo good.” sam practically moaned out, you laughed at the noise she made.

“well, you’re gonna have to wait like everyone else!” you teased.

she groaned and rolled her eyes. you liked seeing her loosen up a bit more, you were grateful she was getting more comfortable around you.

as you two laughed, tara stared on.

she remembered when she was in sam’s place. she even felt herself grow jealous at her sister. why did she ever think that what she was doing to you was okay? your heart was gold and tara thought she had turned it dark— she realised your golden heart’s integrity never faltered. you were still just as good.

she was cruel and she broke your heart. she didn’t think she would regret it— until she suddenly felt all that guilt wash over her. was she regretting it?

you enlisted sam to help you bring all your dishes to the table.

“beef stroganoff, pasta, and rice. choose your carb to go with it and enjoy!” you presented your meal to the group.

everyone admired your work and sat down at the table. you ended up sitting beside mindy who talked your ear off about some pottery class that she and anika took.

you glanced over at sam first, her eyes meeting yours during her conversation with ethan. you two exchanged heartfelt smiles, you had a good day because of each other.

then you looked at tara, who was already looking at you. her first serving was practically gone. you knew that she loved one thing about you, and it was your cooking. she held a sadness behind those eyes, you saw into it, but you had your doubts that it was sadness.

when you noticed her plate, you felt yourself flash her a smile too. she returned it, it was shy but still genuine. her plate was cleaned up just seconds after everyone served themselves.

crumbs of you, tara would take. she cherished that smile you gave to her, even if it was forced or accidental. it filled her brain.

𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩

washing up had to be done, you wanted do it yourself, saying how you were on a roll from cooking that you wanted to do the cleaning too.

sam was about to speak up but suddenly, tara found her voice.

“i’ll help!” she said, chirping up. everyone looked at her with confusion. they didn’t expect that she would do that for you.

“oh… okay!” you said, making your way over to the kitchen.

you scrubbed the plates and handed them to her to dry. it was a good system that worked.

“you did well with dinner today. your cooking is always good.” tara smiled at you.

“thank you, tara. i appreciate it.” your lips pressed into a thin line.

“i just wanted to say that.” she put the plates onto the drying rack. “we haven’t spoken in a while.”

“i know. i just wanted to give you space. i felt like i wasn’t much help to you ever. and i felt like i wouldn’t be much help now.” you confessed. “but i want to stick around, i would be a pretty shit person if i didn’t.”

she felt horrible that you thought that you wouldn’t be help. in fact, there were some nights that tara found herself longing for you.

“we were friends before this, do you think we’d be able to get back to that?” she asked, searching your face for hope. but all she saw was doubt.

“maybe, tara.” you turned to her, handing her the last of the dishes. you saw the dejected look on her face and sighed. you wanted to go back to that too, you missed the tara that was a good friend to you. “but we can try.”

tara’s face lit up, a bit of shock also hidden between the lines. “okay! yeah… let’s try.” she put the dish away and held her hand out, you chuckled but you shook it.

what you failed to see was your maybe friend’s sister staring at you both from the living room, her jaw tightened as tara touched you.

sam zoned back into the conversation, realising that the show they were watching was long gone and replaced by the news again.

there was another death.

sam erupted in her anger, suddenly storming into the kitchen, grabbing the sharpest knife that she owned.

you had no idea what just happened, tara followed her sister back to the living room, the commotion having everyone sit up.

“sam! slow down!” tara yelled after her sister, you joined them after putting the dishes away. “can we please think about this before you decide to abandon my college education?!”

you couldn’t blame sam for wanting to leave. this was something that she just wanted to escape. as much as you would be upset, you would understand. you’d help, even.

you would help them pack up if it meant they were away from everything. you were prepared to never speak of the carpenter sisters again, in hopes that they would never have to go through this again.

“this can’t just be a coincidence, tara!” sam yelled back at her. today was the day where you saw the genetic stubbornness displayed by the carpenter sisters.

“quinn, can you please call your dad?!” tara asked their roommate, quinn immediately nodded. you could tell she didn’t want to get yelled at by sam but it was a reasonable point of action.

ring!!!

everyone flinched. you didn’t. it was just a phone ringing to you, but to everyone else, it was so much more.

sam’s phone blared on the table, she walked over only to see that it was gale weathers, she declined the call without a doubt.

you watched as quinn travelled across the room, telling sam that her father wanted to speak to her. you heard the muffled voice of mr. bailey from where you were standing.

“okay, thank you. i’ll be right there.” sam hung up. “he wants me down at the station.”

“i’ll drive you.” you said, grabbing your keys. “i live close to the station.”

“you shouldn’t have to—“ you cut sam off.

“no. i will. no man left behind, remember?” you said, firm in your decision. sam sighed but nodded.

𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩

you, sam, and tara made it out the door and started to walk to your car.

suddenly, sam’s phone rang again. the two girls stopped when they saw the name displayed on the screen.

richie kirsch.

richie? you recognized that name. you huddled closer to the sisters, closing your eyes to rack your memory for where you knew that name.

no. wait.

it couldn’t be. he was dead, wasn’t he?

“don’t pick that up.” tara said, looking up at sam.

sam hesitated, but it could be important. these calls were life or death for them. she picked up.

you looked at your surroundings. you suddenly felt so exposed, like anything could happen to you now that you weren’t in the comforts of your own home— or anyone’s home.

“who is this?” sam asked into the phone. you couldn’t hear the responses, only sam’s facial expressions changing as time went on.

her eyebrows furrowed, her eyes changed. you saw woodsboro glaze her pupils, you knew she was thinking back to her life before the city. everything was resurfacing.

“i want you to think long and hard about whether or not you wanna do this because the last two people that fucked with us ended up dead.” she said, planting her feet down with determination.

your eyes started to tear away from sam, not absorbing the conversation.

bad gut feeling.

you had to stop ignoring those.

“you better watch your back, asshole.” sam said.

and tara yelled.

a cloaked figure sporting a ghostface mask suddenly grabbed tara, you sprung into action. tara elbowed the figure and you shoved him into the bike rack.

“go!” you said, running just behind the two sisters.

“there!” sam redirected you into a little corner store. you stood with your front to the door while the girls yelled at the cashier to help them, starting a fight with someone in line.

suddenly ghostface walked in.

you backed up into sam, pushing her backwards a little bit while one of the customers stood tall in front of the infamous killer.

you watched as ghostface drove their knife into the man, multiple times.

you gasped, your hand flying to your mouth. you had never seen anyone get killed before. you thought ghostface had specific targets, this wasn’t just an ordinary killer, this killer wasn’t afraid to take any life that stood in his way.

you turned around and the three of you flooded into the back of the store as the clerk wielded his gun.

when the first gunshot rang, sam’s arm flew to cover you as chips flew everywhere. tara was crouched just beside the two of you.

suddenly, there was a second gunshot. but only after you heard the clerk start begging for his life.

you tried to stay quiet, you didn’t realise where parts of your body were. you had a hand on sam’s abdomen, bunching her shirt into your fist. you were terrified, you had never gone through this before. you couldn’t imagine what sam & tara were feeling.

you couldn’t move— or else he would know where you were.

the corner store was quiet, it was like a cruel game of cat and mouse. you heard crunching as the sound of boots got closer to you.

all three of you rounded the corner to avoid detection. sam hid behind a freezer while you and tara hid behind the shelving. you saw sam’s eyes flicker to a can on the ground and you knew what she was trying to say.

carefully, you reached out and picked the can off the floor. it was disgusting and sticky. was this what they had to result to when defending themselves? putting themselves in disgusting situations? you felt twisted picturing them going through this once— now twice.

you threw the can across the corner store, hearing boots walk in the other direction. it was a successful distraction. the three of you started crawling towards the exit.

when you heard the boots stop moving again, you paused. sam leaned forward, you could tell that she could see a lot clearer than you. she slowly inched towards the shelving, then she suddenly shoved it with her shoulder, knocking it down.

god, she was strong.

had she been training herself to get stronger? in case this happened again?

the three of you hauled ass to the exit, being met with cop cars and their sirens.

the three of you were escorted into the cars. the sisters rode in one while you went in the other. you fidgeted with your fingers. then it was daunting on you.

baby’s first ghostface attack.

𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩

you sat in an interrogation room at the precinct. the walls were closing in on you.

you had been close to death before. you remember when you and your parents got into that gnarly car accident that had you coming out with several broken bones and whiplash. you cradled your arm, feeling the after-effects of the worst injury you sustained.

but this wasn't a car t-boning yours. this was a killer.

and you felt like death was kissing your cheek.

you didn't know where sam and tara were, you assumed a different interrogation room. you were waiting for ages, you thought that maybe someone was attending to them first.

you sat in silence for about ten more minutes, trying to decompress the situation.

the lock clicked and the door swung open, revealing detective bailey. you had met quinn's dad in passing, never really speaking to him.

"mr. bailey. how are you?" you asked him, sitting up in your chair. you noticed he had files in his hand. this was going to take longer than you wanted.

"i'm good. thank you... how are you doing? you weren't around for woodsboro, i'm sure it's a bit of a shock to be involved now." straight into it.

"a bit is an understatement, sir." you let out a dry chuckle. "i'm assuming you're going to be asking me more than just 'how are you' though..."

"i'm sorry. i know you're probably tired." he sighed, you nodded. you were trying to hold back a yawn.

"it's fine."

he sat down across from you, opening the file and putting its contents in front of you.

"you're the newest addition to the group, quinn has talked about you. i know you and tara had a past relationship. were you frequently in and out of their apartment?" he asked.

"yeah... tara and i were together for a bit. i usually visited her and i also hang out with mindy and chad, so yes, i was frequently at theirs." you nodded, you often found that honesty was the best policy with these things.

"i know that your relationship with her ended badly." he stated, you scoffed.

"surely a bad break-up isn't enough motivation to go on these killing sprees, right?" you asked, a bit offended.

"sometimes it might just be."

"did you have access to sam carpenter's belongings?" he followed up. what did sam's stuff have to do with this?

"um... no. not really. i never really interacted with sam until ghostface was rumored to resurface. and even then, i don't really have that access." you crossed your arms across your chest, your eyes scanning the photos on the desk. you spotted a photo of sam's license, bloodied and dumped at the scene of the crime.

someone was trying to frame her.

"we found sam's license next to the body."

"well she was with me all day. we went grocery shopping and i cooked everyone dinner." you quickly jumped at the chance to defend her. "tara was there too."

mr. bailey nodded at you confirming their alibi.

"sam said the same thing." he reassured you. he leaned in a bit closer to you. "although, i'd be cautious about those sisters. especially sam. i wouldn't get too close."

your brows furrowed in frustration.

"i'm sure i have nothing to worry about. they're good people." you didn't want to speak any further on the matter.

you hated that the thought of either of them being responsible for these deaths even crossed the detective's mind. he was supposed to be helping them.

two knocks against the door turned the detective's attention to another officer walking into the room.

"the fbi is here." the officer said. detective bailey looked confused.

"the fbi? where?" he stood up then turned to you. "you're free to go. i think sam and tara are waiting for you."

you stood from your seat and followed him, making your way over to the two dark-haired sisters. tara was the first to spot you, nudging sam until she turned around.

you sped up, you didn't know what it was. you just had to make sure she was real.

you wrapped your arms around sam. you felt her tense up out of shock but return the gesture.

"i'm sorry." you apologised for the sudden hug.

"it's okay." sam smiled warmly.

you turned to tara and put a hand on her shoulder, squeezing softly.

tara's eyes met yours. those pleading doe eyes, they wanted more than just a squeeze on the shoulder. she wished she was sam in that moment.

"i'm really glad you two are okay." you cleared your throat. sam smiled at you, even if it was forced, it was nice to see.

you heard two voices chatting just a little bit aways from you. sam started moving towards them, you and tara followed behind.

"kirby?" she spoke, getting the attention of a blonde woman.

"hey sam." kirby replied, moving to hug sam as well.

"do you know each other?" bailey asked.

"yeah... we went to woodsboro high together. she was a senior when i was a freshman." sam clarified. you studied the woman in front of you.

all you could say was that she looked cool. she was an fbi agent that had been monitoring the sisters for a little while. you realised that this had been the kirby involved with the killings too. they shared a very unique experience between each other.

you stayed behind sam while they conversed. kirby was handed the mask that was left at the scene. the mask used in the 2011 killings. kirby lifted her shirt to show the scar that charlie walker gave her.

sam looked uncomfortable. she realised then that this was bigger than just a killing spree, they were trying to send a message.

kirby proposed you all worked together but sam interjected, not giving her the chance to finish.

"we're getting out of town." she pushed through kirby and detective bailey.

"i'm sorry, that's not possible. you're both persons of interest. all three of you are." bailey warned.

"are you serious?" tara stepped forward, the growing frustration evident in her voice.

"he's right." kirby confirmed. "but if we work together-"

"we're going." sam basically barked an order at you and tara.

"my car's back at your place." you said. sam nodded. a small part of her brain was happy that you would be around after that.

𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩

when the three of you made your way out of the precinct, you had never seen so many cameras before. reporters swarmed the three of you, immediately asking sam questions like if she had an alibi or if tara felt safe with her sister.

they didn't pay you any mind, how could they? you were fresh meat to the group, they didn't care about your story. luckily, it allowed you to mercilessly shove them back, helping make space for sam and tara to walk through the flood.

you found yourself holding onto sam's waist, pulling her towards the open spots you've created with your body pushing against the reporters.

"gale weathers." a voice sounded out in the crowd, causing the sisters to stop in their tracks. you knew that name too, it felt like an endless revision on who was who, if you had studied well enough. "do you ladies think that you're the reason that the ghostface killer has come to the big apple?" she asked.

you saw it in sam. she snapped. she'd had a long night, she nearly lost her life. she nearly lost her sister. and her... friend.

she swung with her fist out.

"sam!" you exclaimed as gale ducked, avoiding the punch. you pulled sam's waist back, you knew she didn't need another video of her going viral. she put her hands over yours, allowing you to hold her back. you had to admit, it felt nice knowing you had a bit of pull on her.

although, you failed to account for the shorter carpenter sister. you failed to catch her pulling her elbow back and swinging at gale with a force of her own.

you jumped at the noise made by the contact and had to hold back a laugh at gale's shocked face. sam cracked a smile, she couldn't help herself.

"stay away from us." tara spat at gale.

you two turned to walk towards a cab that was parked outside the station. you pushed sam slightly by her waist, hoping she wouldn't turn back around.

but gale weathers just had to say something.

"are you two seriously still mad about what happened?"

"you wrote a book. about them." she didn't expect you to say anything. she didn't know who you were or what you were to the carpenters. she looked at you as if you were irrelevant, like another body that ghostface could dispose of just to raise the numbers.

"and who are you?" she asked, a snark in her voice.

"doesn't matter. you took advantage of them. of the fact that they lost their friends, they nearly lost each other." you shook your head. "i remember you, from tara's stories."

tara watched you fight back. how could you still do that after she hurt you? you were full of surprises. she had never seen your tongue so laced with venom before.

"you lost someone too. dewey... if someone kept shoving that down your throat, how would you feel?" you asked, glaring her way as sam and tara entered the cab. gale's stance shifted, she was uncomfortable with a stranger knowing so much information about her personal life. but then again, she put the carpenter sisters' life out there for the whole world to see.

"i remember your book too. you called sam unstable, you painted her in the worst light possible. and i thought you had been through enough with her to know that that's not true." you turned back to the two girls, opening the door to the back of the cab for them.

sam's face was unreadable as she hopped into the car. she stared at the back of your head, or more like the back of your seat. you stood up for her, breaking your kind and golden-hearted demeanour. she was worried that being in this situation would change you for the worst.

you sat in silence after telling the driver where to go. leaning back into your seat, you tried to keep your eyes open. you hadn't gotten any sleep since last night, your time divided between the carpenter residence and the station.

there was so little to say and yet so many words were jumbled in your brain.

when you arrived at the carpenter's apartment, you yawned as you exited the cab. sam caught you do so and stopped you before you could unlock your car. her hand covered yours, gripping it in her own.

"you should rest here for a little bit. you're too tired to drive." she said, looking down at you. you wanted to get home and sleep in your own bed but you knew she was right.

you put your car keys away and walked upstairs with them.

tara immediately made a beeline for the bathroom. she always showered after coming home, she couldn't go a day without smelling like vanilla.

sam put pillows and blankets down on their couch and walked into her room, coming back out with some clothes.

"you can change into these for now, you might as well make yourself comfortable. and you can sleep for as long as you want." she said, you took the clothes and nodded at her.

she sat down on the couch and pulled the blanket up slightly to cover herself, you grabbed the blanket to stop her.

"what are you doing? i'll take the couch." you said, furrowing your brows.

"no. you'll take my bed." she looked up at you from the couch.

"it's your damn bed, sam." you didn't mean to sound so ill-mannered but the tiredness was getting the best of you.

"i know. so i'll do with it as i please." you know it was just her trying to show that she cared. "so you're taking it."

you sighed sharply, you were about to take a massive risk.

"share it with me." you said, holding your ground. you didn't want to kick sam out of her own bed.

she saw the determination on your face. you two were going to sit here and bicker if she didn't give in now. she nodded, standing up and making her way back to her room.

you changed into sam's clothes, her scent wafting as the shirt fell over your figure. then you cracked the door open enough to slip yourself into her room.

just as you entered sam's room, tara came out of the bathroom. she had the look of a shattered woman on her face, you should have been going into her room. she should have offered first.

you shut the door behind you, walking towards the bed where sam was sitting. you spotted her nursing her hand, spotting a deep cut from crawling on glass at the bodega.

"sam, you should've gotten that taken care of." you scolded her a little, walking to her bathroom and grabbing a medkit you knew was there. tara had told you that she put one in every bathroom.

you knelt in front of sam, unpacking the kit to grab the antiseptic and a bandage.

"it's fine, it's only a cut." she protested.

"if ghostface doesn't get you, an infected cut will. and i think that's extremely embarrassing." you tried to make light of it, your exhaustion washing over you. "this'll hurt."

you dabbed the antiseptic into sam's cut. she hissed at the sting. but the sight in front of her was better. you, in her clothes, patching her up. this was probably the worst time for her to form a crush, and probably the worst person to form it on. her sister's ex-girlfriend, who was now involved in the ghostface killings. but your soft features, your concern for her, it was hard to resist you.

she chalked it up to exhaustion, maybe this crush would fade away when she was in her right mind.

but when you situated yourself next to her in bed, your respectful nature forcing you to leave ample space so you two weren't touching each other, she hoped that she would one day earn the honour of closing that gap.

as she closed her eyes, she listened in to your soft breathing. and even when you accidentally ended up shoulder to shoulder in bed,

sam refused to move.

𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩

author's journal okay i actually spent way too much time on this chapter, i had to write out the first 30 minutes of scream vi with a reader insert so it was a little bit more cohesive with the storyline. i don't know how i feel about this one chapter in particular but i'm starting to see the vision for the rest of the series teehee. i promise it wont just be the whole movie written down but it'll definitely have canon events. next chapter is most likely going to be non-canon as much as possible just cause this is a romance fic at the end of the day.

also this is the song i intended for the reader to be listening to with sam

[alientee]

This is a 3 shot series inspired by the amazing writer @gyoongim. They did amazing with my ask and I’m in love with Alastor x Jessica rabbit .🤣

Fun fact It’s said that Jessica rabbit is also asexual!

Charlie felt defeated, she tried her hardest but there wasn’t shit she could do against that damn Adam or the council. Sera took pity on her stopping her for a moment “Charlie…… while you were not successful maybe we can come to a compromise?”

Charlie looked back up with her with hope in her eyes while Vaggie continues to glare.

“How about this we send an angel down with you, they spend a day in your hotel and we get to learn about all your progress. Maybe that will help sway the masses and myself.

Charlie instantly nodded thanking them over and over again. “So where’s the angle joining us”

“Emily has gotten her….. ah there they are”

Emily bounced forward happily introducing you

“Charlie this is y/n she’s one of the angels that actually believe In your cause!”

Sera looked down at you giving you a stern look.

“You’ll stay there for 1 day and then come right back y/n. Stay safe and good luck”

You walk into the portal with Charlie and Vaggie leading to the hotel. The demon princess didn’t stop talking about how she was going to give you a tour, show you everything they have to offer, even take you to the few nice places in hell. She started to ask you questions. She seemed really sweet and excited to get to know you. “Can I just say you look absolutely gorgeous, you’re like wow!”

You giggled. “Thank you hun I used to turn a lot of heads when I was alive. Too bad I only had eyes for one man.”

Charlie looked even more excited “ Oh my gosh tell me everything!”

You went on and on about your past, how you were a singer and a model, how you were married to a radio host. How you got married and ended up retiring to be a housewife. You stopped your story when you ended up in front of a hotel looking around shocked.

“So this is hell huh? Now tell me more about the hotel”

Charle links her arm with yours pushing the doors of the hotel open. “This is the hazbin hotel! Were we have 2 residents ready to rehabilitate and reform there life into good! It may not look like much but I garuntee you everyone here is dedicated to making there life better!”

Vaggie scoffed “not everyone”

“Okay almost everyone hehe” Charlie rubbed her neck nervously.

You look around and see the interior with a scary looking bar there were a couple of demons one looks like a spider the other a snake, two cyclops and the last one was…. a bird cat?

“Everyone this is y/n! She’s gonna be staying with us for the day to prove to heaven that demons can change!”

They all introduce themselves and the spider named angel comes up to you, looking you up and down. “ Beautiful and Busty they should’ve never sent you down here toots! Now you can give me a run for my money”

You laugh it off giving him a wink “I’m a tough lady I can handle myself. It’s nice to meet y’all”

Charlie gives you a tour of the hotel and you meet up with group once more “So what do you think y/n!”

“I think y’all have something really nice going on here”

“Thank you-“

“Charlotttttteeee~ why is there an angel in our premises didn’t I tell you the couldn’t be trusted”

You turned around at the sound at the static like voice.

“Y/N… is that you?”

Alastor still keeps his signature smile but his eyes are wide with confusion. He walks up to you pulling you into his chest. Alastor kisses both your cheeks putting his forhead against yours. “It’s me mon amor”

“Alastor!? Honey you look so different and your smile is even bigger than I remember”

“Well you know you’re not fully dressed without a smile. Y/n darling what are you doing here? Someone sweet as you doesn’t belong down here”.

You hold him close snuggling into his chest “oh Al it’s alright I’m just here to see the hotel on behalf of the council. I missed you so much ! What are you doing here honey ? I was so confused when I never met you in heaven what on earth got you down here?”

Alastor looks away sheepishly “Well about that-“

“UM EXCUSE ME!”

You both turn around to see everyone looking at you both in shock. After a long silence Charlie speaks up.

“So you two know eachother huh”

You looking at everyone shyly “You remember how I said I was married to a radio host”

Alastor smirked pulling his arm around your waist. “This gorgeous gal has had my heart since I first laid eyes on her” He kisses your forhead

None of them could believe it! You were Alastor’s wife?!

Vaggie moves forward while everyone else is looking at you in shock. “Hold on, wait a minute let me get this straight. You! A gorgeous, kind hearted, helpful angel…… are married to that thing?!”

Alastor squints his eyes his static going off “what are you trying to say Vaggatha”

Angel interrupts her before she could speak

“ it means she’s waaaayyyyy out of your league smiles. I mean Vaggies right, she’s hot and your….anyway, how and the hell did a dame like you end up with old freak face anyway?”

Alastor rolls his eyes “ I won her affections with my charm and manners. Something you clearly don’t have my feminine fellow”

Angel looks at him uninterested “yea I ain’t buying that. Toots why you with this stuck up prude?”

You hold alastor arm cuddling up to his side “He makes me laugh, how could I turn him down when he always put a smile on my face” you giggle softly

Everyone was still shocked by your answer none of them could really see someone like you with someone like alastor but decided to accept it (everyone accept Angel and Vaggie) Angel smirks

“Ok so I was right it definitely wasn’t for his looks”

“Well beauty isss in the eye of the beholder, I guesss he jussst got lucky”

Alastor rolls his eyes “Are you miscreants quite done”

“Now we always know why Mr fancy talk creepy voice is always smiling. Thinking about his busty wife gets him through the day haha”

“Angel dust if you wish to redeem your soul and make it into heaven I suggest you watch your mouth before I end your life.”

“Oh Al leave him be he’s just joking, now tell me why your down here”

Alastor sighs giving you his arm. You grab it not questioning it as he walks you both to the door. He doesn’t even look back at the others .

“I’m talking my wife for a walk we’ll be back shortly”

As the two of you walk out everyone stays silent until Angel speaks up. “I don’t care what any of you’s say, he was definitely not hitting that right”

As you both leave Alastor stays silent. You don’t rush him to talk, you never did. You two never fought when you were alive you always talked it out and took it one step at a time.

“You should know that I didn’t tell you this because I didn’t want to hurt you or scare you. You were the only good thing I had left after my mother. So I hope you can forgive me for keeping it from you.”

“Go on hon I’m listening”

“The bayou serial killer, that was me doll….i died getting shot in the head with a rifle, being mistaken for a deer while I was burying a body. And I may of…. ate a few people, but they were never in your food!”

You looked at him in shock but you never let go of his arms. “Oh my gosh….. that’s what you were doing out there, they never told me, just said it was a hunting accident….. I should’ve known! You would always go one these nature trips at night when ya barley had friends plus I shoulda known someone like you doesn’t like outdoor activities like that! How ya wouldn’t let me in your tool shed because it was to much “dangerous” stuff in there. How you’d come home from the radio tower early hours in the morning. I thought you were stepping out on me for a time but you still showed me all the same amount of affection so I pushed that thought out the window”

Alastor laughed a laugh track playing in the back ground “Oh daring why would I ever step out on the most beautiful woman in the world. I’d be a fool to have eyes for anyone but you”

He squeezed your hips pulling you into a hug “Do you regret marrying me, please tell the truth?”

“Oh Al of course not, even if you are a killer you were so sweet and gentle with me I’ve never felt safer than when I was with you. Your a wonderful husband I’ll never regret you honey ”

Alastor pulled you close his smile getting wider. “How about I make it up to you darling let me take you out on the town, it’s been a while and you deserve to be spoiled doll.”

“I’d love that Alastor”

You both walked down the street in silence with you both linked arm and arm as always. Until Alastor spoke up again”

“And by the way sweetheart Tu portes l'enfer hors de cette robe, j'ai raté ces courbes”

You blushed “Still a charmer I see”

Part 2 comming soon~

[handofmidas-writes]

I didn't hate season 4. Or the love triangle. Let me explain.

Okay. Listen. Listenlistenlisten.

I know everyone is pissed about season 4. I hear you. I get it. I don’t think anyone is thinking that this was a well-executed season. Not by any stretch of the imagination.

But hear me out.

The bones of the thing are good in principle. The arc makes sense at the heart of it. Again, hear me out.

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

The entire series is about saving the world by stopping the apocalypse. And as all the Fives in the deli have shown, the apocalypse is due to the Hargreeves siblings’ very existence. Reginald has fucked over every iteration of the kids to bring back his wife who died as a result of her own actions in creating marigold. He couldn’t give her up, and he was willing to rip universes apart to get her back. Five has tried time and time and time again to save his family, ad infinitum. He knows how to solve the problem, but he can’t bring himself to do it. Until this Five. They are, as we here on tumblr love to say, doomed by the narrative.

Five also says the universe loves balance. We saw this in season 3 with the kugelblitz. They were an impossibility in the universe and the kugelblitz formed to solve the problem by eliminating them. Impossibility for impossibility.

One of the Fives founded the Commission to solve the problem. It happens every time.

Abigail’s purpose through the whole season is to ensure the Cleanse, to reset the universe to the correct timeline. She shouldn’t be there. The kids shouldn’t be there. They are a direct result of Reginald releasing marigold into the world to enact his plan of resurrecting Abigail. The universe is trying to return to homeostasis, balance itself. And in every iteration, it needs to rid itself of the marigold, the substance that shouldn’t exist in the first place.

Ergo, the principle is sound, in my opinion.

The execution was shit, as I’m sure we all can agree.  I don’t like that they cease to exist, necessarily, and I think there were other avenues they could have taken to avoid that. But I can stomach it.

The shit storm is certainly in the characterizations. They did almost everyone dirty in some way or another. I think it could have been saved with a few more episodes, but we know that Netflix sucks like that and the season definitely suffered after the strike. I won’t be going into all of the characters just now since I’m apparently a loquacious bitch and don’t have the space. (And I know this is all being screamed into the void anyway. None of y’all will be reading any of this lol.)

Here’s where I’m going to ruffle feathers. I buy into the whole Diego/Lila/Five thing. And here’s why. (Cut here because this bitch got real long. Like 1.5k words long. Oops.)

The first episode is called “The Unbearable Tragedy of Getting What You Want.” Is it a slightly contrived Now That We’re Not Superheroes Our Normal Lives Kind Of Suck thing? Absolutely. Has it been overused in basically everything ever? You bet. Does it kind of work here? Yeah, actually.

These people legitimately don’t know what to do without powers. They’re coming fresh off the heels of trying and failing to save the world 3 different times. That takes adjustment. A lot of adjustment.

Lila and Diego fall into parenthood, which is a huge thing in and of itself. It’s not surprising that Diego turns into the stereotypical suburban dad, the breadwinner because that’s what he thinks his role should be. It doesn’t fully make sense that Lila turns into a housewife, but I can see her trying to throw Diego a bone and trying to make up for how she’s treated him in the past. Not to mention proving herself as a mother.

It makes sense for Lila to want to get out of the house and do her own thing, without her kids and her husband. It makes sense for Diego to resent his low level job when all he’s wanted to be is a badass and a hero.  Their frustration about their family life is understandable. Being a family is a lot of effort. There’s a loss of freedom when people become parents. And these are two headstrong people who have things to prove to themselves, to make sure they show up for their kids. Which leads to breakdowns in taking care of themselves and their relationship to each other.

Now, the sticky bit comes in with the whole love triangle. I know folks hate the subway subplot. Here’s the thing, despite how it was executed, it makes sense, too.

It’s an interesting way to portray the Many Worlds Theory and it’s plausible enough that Lila and Five connect in this way because of their shared knowledge of the Commission. It makes sense that they explore it together.

Which leads me to this: Five is incredibly lonely. He spent 40 years alone in an apocalypse and tried everything in his power to get back. He fell in love with a mannequin because she was the only thing keeping him tethered and sane-adjacent (sweet Dolores, we’ll never forget you, queen). He was desperate and alone and persisted because he had to.

He joined the Commission to try and stop said apocalypse and then inadvertently ended up in another. He’s tired of trying to save his family over and over and now he’s not sure there’s anything he can do to save them this time. And now here he is, stuck in the labyrinthine Subway of Fuckery with Lila and they can’t get out. Lila who has the same training as him, the same knowledge base, who went with him to the remnants of the Commission in season 3 and tried to save them all. Let’s call them frenemies, I guess.

And now here they are. Stuck together and feeling helpless. Enduring every fucking thing under the sun, watching each other’s backs, and they only have each other. And they’re tired. They’ve been searching for a way home for six fucking years. So, they decide to stop running and catch their breath. I won’t say it’s an inevitability, but Five is so lonely and scared. And Lila is lonely and scared and without her children. But they’re safe with each other, and they take comfort in each other, and it’s so easy to blur those lines.

So yeah, they end up together in the now infamous cottagecore greenhouse with the strawberries. And they try not to think about Diego. Is it right of them to do this? Well, no. But are people messy as hell? Yes. And are their actions understandable? Also yes.

So, to me, when Five finds the notebook and keeps it hidden from Lila, it tracks. Because he’s so fucking scared of what’s going to happen now. What if they still can’t make it back? What if they can’t save the world this time? What if it all comes down around his ears again? So he hides in easy domesticity and thinks about the solace they’ve found in each other.

And Lila, understandably, blows up when she realizes Five has hidden this from her. Because for her, this was a way to cope. To survive, as she says. She loves her children. And she loves Diego. She didn’t stop loving them. She couldn’t stop loving them. But she might just love Five, too. And isn’t that scary as hell?

People are many faceted, my friends. Does it make what she did morally right? Of course not. But does it make sense? I truly think it does.

The limited number of episodes is one of the largest contributors to the half-baked-ness of it all. There’s not enough time to flesh out a proper resolution to the whole thing. Which led to Diego’s hunch from episode 2 of Lila cheating with Greek guy/Five accidentally being correct foreshadowing. Which then resulted in a heavy confession from Lila in front of the entire family (which I was digging, just like the siblings, tbh). And then the boys started throwing punches and the whole love triangle thing went completely down the shitter (a dubious and debatable statement, I know).

So, that leaves us with Lila who is now in the middle of two brothers. Said brothers are now physically fighting out bad blood and pent up frustration. And only part of it is due to Lila.

Diego’s character is criminally underdeveloped. He was always halfway between the underdog and class clown and his characterization in this season falls spectacularly flat in all aspects. He’s a character who has fought to prove himself over and over again, and is still trying to do that here, but nothing really lands. Diego and Luther are comic relief mostly. And Diego’s role, unfortunately, ended up being a stick in the spokes of a sloppy love triangle and pretty much nothing else.

Five is obviously the favorite in Blackman’s eyes. Five is knowledgeable. Five always has an idea. Five is the one the family looks to for answers, more often than not. Five is the one who almost always opts to save his family in some way, shape, or form. And this has resulted in Five being sad and helpless, in a way. He has been building this emotional bomb for decades and across timelines without any real release or acknowledgement. So Blackman chose to have Five get his emotional release in the form of “a love story” with Lila. Doing it this way, with the limited number of episodes, left Diego’s part woefully inadequate.

No resolution really takes place here. Diego kind of “wins” insofar as he convinces Lila to take their family to the subway and she takes his hand first when they all say goodbye. Five gets the teary “I hate you for this,” after she ends up choosing self-sacrifice with the others, which we know means “I am so incredibly sad and I hate that you told us the truth because it means everything ends for real this time and I’ve had to let my family go.” Then she holds his hand, too, showing that all is forgiven, here at the end of all things.

There’s definitely not a resolution for Diego, and it can certainly be inferred that he still pretty much hates Five’s guts. I get the feeling that Five is just resigned to finally ending the cycle. He knows he’s hurt Diego badly and I think he does feel bad for it, but it’s not translated into the final scene, which leaves the whole situationship hollow and earned it the well deserved hate for hilariously poor execution.

So that’s it, friends. That’s my unpopular opinion and way too many words justifying it. I surprisingly have more I could blather on about, but I’ll spare y’all from including any more in this post. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

And for a final palate cleanser for those of you who do not care about any of this: I think we deserve a side plot of Five and Derek the Twink from the CIA. The true OTP. (Also Brisket Five, who is the real MVP.)

[milllersfae]

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ cottage!abby headcannons

content warning: housewife-ish!reader, petnames, strap usage, slight(?) perversion, dom!abby, ooey-gooey lesbianism, sfw and nsfw content. minors do not interact.

a/n: thank y’all for 120 followers! this little blog has been growing so fast in under a month. experimenting with different writing styles and such!

sfw

❀ tends to the garden a lot. loves when you watch her from the window and admire her hard work. sometimes she’ll flex her arms when she knows you’re watching, a warm flush flooding your face.

❀ abby is deeply in love with your baking. she grows you tons of fruit to make into little tarts and pies, “brought you more of those fijis you like. can you make me another apple crumble baby?” after long days in the field you leave her a little slice on the patio with a hand written note.

❀ she often gets nervous when you’re in the garden by yourself, worried you’ll trip or get hurt. “be careful out there okay? i don’t want you to get dirty. give me a holler if you need anything!” one day she accidentally leaves a potting hole open, your foot hitching inside. you tumble as abby rushes outside to catch you. “i’m such an idiot—i’m sorry baby. i didn’t mean to hurt you.”

❀ oh how she loves to gift you frilly dresses for your weekly picnics. she loves the way a smile fills your face as you lift up the fabric to your body. abby smirks and wraps you from behind. “does my pretty girl wanna try it on?”. you nod in response and go and change in the bathroom. you come back out, waiting for her reaction. “do a 180 f’me.” you get excited as you turn around and watch her gaze grow in amazement.

❀ she comes in from the yard, jeans splattered in dirt and sweat glistening on her brow. she sheds her gloves and kisses you on your forehead as she walks by. you can’t help but stare at her biceps as she passes you.

❀ it’s comforting how she lets you live a carefree life, and does a lot of the heavy lifting. abby doesn’t take it too far, she lets you have her freedom of course. you have your own little private room, full of books and stuffies and collectibles. she comes by sometimes and gives a soft knock at the door. “it’s me honey, may i come in?” you give ampt response and with a turn of the handle she meets you with a warm smile. you cuddle together to read a book, her hands in your hair as you read to her.

❀ after a long day you’ll come over to her, sitting on her lap to help her relax. she had undid her signature braid, hair falling in blonde strands over her shoulders. your hands combed through them, as you placed a gentle kiss against her temple. her eyes meet yours, smirk placard on her face. “you’re such a sweetheart, thank god i found you.” she sleepily mumbles, hand resting on the small of your back.

❀ you feel so grateful for all the work abby does for the both of you. you clean the entire living room, tidying up the little cottage the best you could. as dawn set, abby finally arrived back in, a small gasp exited her mouth as she closed door. “damn girl, what made you do all this?” she said, hands on her hips as she surveyed the area. you walk up, throwing your arms around her shoulders. “you do so much, i had to show my thanks.” her eyes settle on yours, smile filling her face. “i have to find a good way to repay you, baby.”

nsfw

❀ god she did fucking repay you. with a firm push onto your bed, you land on your stomach, your heat spreading at her touch. you arch your back, smothering your face into a satin pillow. abby puts a hand under your dress, making contact with your unclothed slit. she teases between your soaked lips, humming at the sweet squeals you began to make. she enters you with her index and ring finger, pressing fast strokes inside of you. she held you around your stomach, keeping your body from escaping her touch.

❀ sneaking her hands under your dress is her favorite pastime. she purposely drops silverware in hopes you bend over so she can reach her fingers to rub at your clothed pussy. you jump slightly at the touch, hips pushing into her knead into your aching clit. “oh you needy girl, you’ll take it any time huh?” she taunts, pulling your thong to the side of your leg.

❀ in her routinely attempt to drift into sleep, she fondles your tits in bed. she reaches under your nightgown, gentle kisses right behind your ear while spooning you. her sleepy groans crawl into your heat as she squeezes and soft flesh, thumb pinching your nipples.

❀ she loves picking out tight little outfits you to wear around the house. she raises up two options for you to wear, holding them up against you. “this pretty pink slip makes your titties look perfect, but this white skirt shows off that pretty ass.” your face ran warm as she surveyed you against the cloth. “what do you think baby? you have a say.” she continues. “um…the white skirt.” you reply, holding it pleasingly against your hips. abby smirks, hand groping your ass. “great choice.”

❀ she loves putting in your back, making you squirm against the strokes of her strap. you force your body to hold itself up, feeling yourself go weak at the pressure in your heat. “stay just like that, let me stretch you good.” she praises. abby puts a cool hand on the middle of your back, other hand holding you still against the pumps of her silicone into your heat.

❀ abby has had her pillow princess moments. she shed her outside clothes, laying on her back waiting for your entrance to the bedroom. “could you ride it baby, just for me?” she asked, patting a hand at her hips. you nod submissively, moving yourself over to straddled her. you lower yourself onto her as she entered slickly into your cunt. you move slow, bucking onto her dick. you shallow your whines as you fuck yourself into abby as she bit her lip to cower her own pleasured groans.

[firegiftlouis]

Actually fuck it, I got that person blocked now anyways lol.

Anyways, what the ever loving FUCK did Louis do to Armand last season that justifies all the things Armand did to him, which included but is not limited to; Gaslighting Louis on multiple occasions, letting him convalesce in agony post suicide attempt for nearly a week, threatened to give his former abuser his location while in an incapacitated state, non consensual memory alteration (we have literally no reason to believe Louis asked for it 3 days later in my opinion idc), and literally EVERYTHING that happened during the Trial, the Trial he directed btw and was perfectly ok with letting Louis DIE in.

Like please, explain to me like I’m 5 years old what Louis did to Armand over the course of this season that was so fucking “vile” that he deserved even half of that shit??

And stop me if I’m wrong but is anyone framing Armand as the “Uber bad guy” out here? Or are people just acknowledging that while Armand is a deeply flawed and traumatized character, that doesn’t suddenly absolve him from continuing the cycle of abuse over his partner who, in almost every conceivable way, has significantly less power than him (Armand is older and outside of the human implications of that, that means he’s literally significantly more powerful Vampire powers wise, Armand has more money in Paris, he’s literally in charge of the Coven which means societally he is also more powerful, and while they both aren’t white that didn’t stop Armand from weaponizing the audiences Antiblack racism against Louis and Claudia during the Trial).

Not sure why they even brought up “feminizing” Louis as one of the ways people supposedly try to absolve him of all wrongdoing because if anything that’s what people do with Lestat and Armand, meanwhile analysis of the show acknowledging the gendered roles Louis serves both during the Rue Royale era and later on in Dubai only serve to meet the narrative where it’s at. Season one didn’t go out of its way to call Louis a housewife on multiple occasions and Armand didn’t spend all this season treating Louis in Dubai like his hysterical wife he’s .5 seconds away from shoving back in the attic just for us to ignore these aspects of the show because it makes some of y’all uncomfortable or lack the nuance to understand that a feminized character can still do bad things (and again, the worst things Louis does this season are towards Claudia but despite the lio service at the end, y’all don’t actually fucking care about her.)

[dawnagustd]

the naughty sheriff || kth

The queen has made her list and checked it twice. She’s visiting those who have been naughty, and punishing them in ways that are oh so nice.

- Part of the Unholy Night Series.

➻ title: the naughty sheriff ➻ pairing: sheriff deputy!taehyung x f!reader  ➻ genre: fantasy | holiday | magic | smut  ➻ word count: 1.7k  ➻ rating: 18+    ➻ warnings: unprotected sex | creampie | breath play | taehyung has a massive cock | degradation | dom!taehyung | sub!reader | consensual gun play (graphic) | restraints(hand cuffs) | hair pulling | doggystyle | car sex | rough sex | intense orgasm | Sir kink | cervix touching | spanking | power play dynamics | oral sex with an object | abuse of power | spit play | manhandling | mentions infidelity | mentions theft and crime | more cameo from the boys | the ending is a cliff ➻ author’s note: Please read the warnings carefully for this one guys !! And y’all please don’t judge me. I haven’t opened this doc since 2021 lol. It’s unedited but I will edit it later. If you’re following the little bit of story hidden in this filth, you will need to read the epilogue to understand the ending and the point of all this.

“Get moving.”

“Yes, Sir,” you sing.

The two of you march to his car, and that’s when the sheriff turns your body towards him.

“I want you gone, understand?”

“I will leave,” you giggle. “Once I’m done.”

“Well,” Taehyung tsks. “You can’t leave without saying goodbye, can you?”

You shake your head in denial.

You assumed that you two had a nonverbal agreement. You’ll look the other way if he did the same. He’s been in every window you’ve bypassed, kissing some rich housewife under the mistletoe while their husband slept peacefully.

What they don’t know is that they're just a part of his twisted game. While his lovers are busy cutting him a slice of something sweet, he’s robbing them of anything that sparkles. The expensive jewelry their husbands have bought goes into his pocket and is never seen again.

On Christmas morning, he’ll smirk knowing they won’t be able to say a word about who may have taken it to their husbands. Those same men will pay him big money to arrest the thief, and he will arrest a thief. Just not the one responsible for the actual crime.

“I guess I can’t, but um… Weren’t you busy just now?” 

You recall his security patrol of the hospital earlier and wonder if he’s still on duty.

“I already snatched what I came here for,” he says with a wink. Taehyung guides you closer to his vehicle. He stops walking once your back hits the ice-covered glass. “Now, what should I do with you?”

Your smile grows. 

“Anything you’d like, Sir.”

“Damn. Any requests?” he asks.

You look over your shoulder at his car and nod your head.

“Throw me on your backseat and fuck me like you’ve had a bad day.”

And the sheriff does not decline. He opens his door and shoves you inside, still bound in his cuffs. Your back hits the cold interior with a thud. You try to spread your legs, but Taehyung has other plans. He flips you over on your stomach and raises your hips in the air.

“I’ve been watching this ass sway through my town all night, and you didn’t think I’d want a piece?” he growls, tearing your flimsy clothing off.

You hear him fidgeting with his belt until he’s able to pull his pants down to his thighs. Your wiggle to give him an eyeful while he aligns his dick with your opening, but he slaps your ass and tells you to stay still.

“I’m in charge,” he informs. As if that’ll do him any good.

Your wetness allows Taehyung to enter smoothly, and his deep voice moans once he’s buried inside. He grabs your waist and starts pulling you back on his dick. Each time he thrusts into your guts, the breath leaves your body. You don’t have to see him to know his cock is monstrous. 

Your hands want to reach above you to stop your head from banging into the door, but they’re secured behind your back. The pressure building inside of you distracts you from the discomfort, so the banging is forgotten about rather quickly.

“Sir, this feels so good.”

Your words are muffled as a result of being face down, but Taehyung understands clearly. His palm slaps your ass again and your pussy squeezes around him in response.

“Say thank you, whore,” he commands. “Tell me how much you appreciate my services.”

His laughter fills the vehicle and gives you a sea of goosebumps. Its volume penetrates the seating and sends vibrations through your body.

“Fuck! Thank you, Sir!”

But your response isn’t good enough for the sheriff. He grabs you by the hair and snatches you up before leaning over to whisper in your ear.

“You’re gonna have to do better than that,” he grunts. “You’re sounding like an ungrateful ass whore, right now.”

“Sheriff! Thank you for giving me your cock,” you sob. “I’m not worthy.”

“Goddamn right, you aren’t.” He pulls out his pistol, and the sound of it clicking only adds to your adrenaline. “Tell me where you think I should put this.”

He twists your head to look you in the eyes, but the only thing you can focus on is what’s in his right hand.

“In my mouth, Sir.” Taehyung hesitates, and you grow impatient. “Please.”

“Say less,” he answers. You open your mouth, and Taehyung doesn’t wait any longer. You don’t realize how heavy it is until it’s resting on your tongue. “It’s not loaded, okay.”

Not that it would matter in your case. You can swallow bullets and shit them out, but you appreciate the courtesy. You thank him the best you can with a mouth full of steel but it only results in you getting your saliva all over the muzzle.

“Fuck.”

Taehyung doesn’t miss it either. His cock twitches inside of you when he observes the way your lips wrap around his gun, just like…

“I bet you can suck the hell out of a cock,” he comments.

“Mhm.”

So you prove it. While Taehyung thrusts into your pussy, you treat his gun like it’s just another dick and proceed to give it some head as his owner watches in awe.

You’re careful with your teeth, and you make every noise you’re capable of making to mimic the sound of some sloppy cock sucking. You take in more and more until your chin touches the trigger guard. You then pull off of it, leaving a slick sheen behind from where your mouth coated the metal.

“Shit!” Taehyung’s mind could not handle an image so lewd while he’s balls deep in pussy. He sets his weapon on the floor and brings his hand around your throat instead. “...Gonna make us come so hard.”

And he doesn’t break his promise. He squeezes your neck until no air can slip through. He wraps his other arm around your body and uses his hand to give your throbbing clit some attention. 

The feeling hits you all at once. The pressure finally comes to a head and sends you soaring. You feel as high as the clouds, floating unsure of when you’re coming down. You want to scream, but it’s impossible to do so with the lack of air.

At some point, Taehyung spills his cum deep into your womb, but your body isn’t aware of it in its state. A minute goes by before Taehyung relaxes his grip and slowly grants you air. 

Your body falls forward, and then you feel the sheriff uncuffing your wrists one by one. You sigh once you’re able to move your limbs.

“Take a minute if you need to,” Taehyung says after you’ve both steadied your breathing. 

But you don’t have a minute, and neither does he.

“You should drive.” Your face is buried in your forearm, trying to hold your giggles.

“What?”

You reposition yourself to a sitting position so the sheriff can hear you clearly.

“I said you should start driving,” you repeat. “You said you’d take me home.”

“Not exactly,” he reiterates. 

You look at him with a brow raised. “I see.”

“I said I’d take you out of town. How you get home is none of my concern.”

You nod your head. You expected this, and you were anticipating it. 

“Well, I'll see you soon I guess.”

Taehyung scoffs. “Better not.”

“We’ll see,” you mutter.

You step out of the car dressed in attire a little bit more presentable for the occasion. It’s morning and the Heauxville residents gather around, waiting patiently for answers. And you shall provide.

“I know everyone is hurting right now. I could not imagine waking up on Christmas morning with nothing under the tree. But I’ve captured the culprit and interrogated him thoroughly. Unfortunately, the criminal is one you’ve all trusted.”

Just as you’re concluding your speech, Taehyung appears. He’s confused, but not for long.

“Wait a minute! Don’t listen to her,” he demands.

Unfortunately for him, no one wants to obey the orders of a crooked deputy.

“As I was saying… I know nothing will replace the joyous feeling of waking up to a home filled with goodies from the big guy, but I have sent a member of my staff to the residence of each and every one of you to replace everything you’ve lost. They’ll be waiting for you when you arrive,” you inform.

The crowd cheers, and two other deputies come to detain the ego-bruised sheriff. Once your job is done, they part ways and allow you to depart. The queen has saved the day yet again.

You never stay for the glory or the praise. The satisfaction comes from knowing that karma did its job. There’s no need to thank you.

“Hey!”

You hear a familiar voice call out to you once you’re nearly out of the thick crowd. Everyone grows silent, and your frantic baker appears, and he brought some friends.

“Can I help you?” you ask.

“So you’re just leaving?... We need to talk.”

You cackle. “No, love. We don’t.”

“But that’s bullshit. You can’t just fuck with people’s emotions like that,” Jungkook argues, stepping in front of him. 

The men surround you, but there’s nothing you can do. They made their own beds, now it’s time to lie in it.

“Jungkook, you’re absolutely right, and all of you should start taking that into consideration. Now, if you all will excuse me—”

“So it’s just fuck us, right?” the sheriff chimes in. “Regardless of how good we made you feel.”

“Or how we welcomed you,” Hoseok adds.

The next person to speak is the toymaker and he seems more disappointed than pissed.

“You shouldn’t have made promises you weren’t going to keep,” he tells you.

“Are you serious?” You can’t help but laugh at that. “Listen, I came here to give you a dose of your own medicine. Get over it.”

With that, you sashay away, but this group is persistent.

“What if we can’t?” Jimin shouts.

You turn around, clearly confused. As if on cue, the doctor breaks through the crowd.

“What if we can’t get over it?... Over you,” he explains. “What happens then?”

“What if I can’t get you out of my mind?” the sheriff speaks up.

You look at each of them and sigh. There is no room in your heart for anyone. Their emotions mean nothing to you. The sooner they realize that they’re the problem, the sooner they’ll realize you’re only here to cause pain. 

Until then…

[annimator]

I have not had this much cuteness aggression over gay fictional ships since like, last May, holy shit-

(aka, i react to tomjake episode 2 via a rambling tumblr post. I’m spoiling the episode, so everything’s under the cut)

• OH WE ARE STARTING OFF STRONG. ELLIE’S SLEEPING ON GABBY’S SHOULDER

• omg they’re much smiling so much at each other :>

• I feel like I should’ve mentioned that a clip of gabellie’s first kiss from S1 ep8 also got me into disventure camp in that other post I made. whoops :P

• HELP. AFTER ELLIE COMPLAINS ABOUT LOUD SNORING, IT IMMEDIATELY CUTS TO TOM SNORING-

• Tom, you’re canonically in your 30s. why the fuck are you going “ *snore* mimimimi” in your sleep. AND HOW THE FUCK IS JAKE STILL SLEEPING, HIS EAR IS SO FUCKING CLOSE TO TOM’S MOUTH- wait that sounds kinda wrong lmao

• anyways besides that, THE WAY JAKE AND TOM ARE HOLDING EACH OTHER WHILE THEY’RE SLEEPING IS JUST SO FUCKING ADORABLE BRO

• the spinoff intro never gets old, I love it so much

• WAIT THIS MORNING ROUTINE SCENE THAT PLAYS AFTER THE INTRO SONG PARALLELS THE ONE FROM LAST EPISODE, I LOVE HOW TOM LOOKS SO MUCH HAPPIER WITH JAKE

• THEY DID NOT HAVE TO ANIMATE A SCENE WHERE TOM LOOKS AT HIS SCARS IN THE MIRROR WITH A SAD FACE, ONLY FOR JAKE TO LOVINGLY KISS HIM ON THE CHEEK, AS A WAY TO SAY THAT HE LOVES HIM WTF (/pos)

• Awww, Jake’s looking for a job :D

• “Money can’t buy taste. Y’know, you’re lucky you’re cute.” “Aw, and?” “And lucky to have me” holy fucking shit (/pos)

• Physical touch and words of affirmation are definitely Tom’s languages. he cannot take his hand’s off of Jake, and that’s fucking adorable.

• “You’re persevering, that’s all anyone can ask. “I’m sorry you have to deal with me.” “Seems like the best deal ever.” WORDS. OF AFFIRMATION

• I can relate to Jake worry about finding people at the Pearson airport. There are so much godamn people there

• I LOVE TOM AND GABBY’S FRIENDSHIP SO MUCH. THAT HUG SCENE WAS ADORABLEEEE

• I shouldn’t have laughed so hard at Gabby saying that she and Ellie have no friends-

• THE WAY ELLIE’S CUPPING GABBY CHEEKS IS SOFQWOFNASBSV

• “THE GAYS AND SAPPHICS TAKE TORONTO!” Gabby ilysm. She definitely shares the title of being my favourite DC character alongside Fiore after this episode

• YOOOOO MIRIAM APPEARANCE :D SHE HAS SPEAKING ROLES TOO

• “You remind me so much of him sometimes.” hey wait I was here for the yaoi and yuri ;-;

• “Guess who… finally decided to call” lol

• wait Gabby’s job is self-defence training? That’s kinda surprising, but at the same time she kicked Derek’s ass during the s1 finale lol

• Aww Gabby wants Jake to spend time with Ellie so that she won’t be alone :D

• HELP THE PUPPY DOG EYES?!

• damn Ellie, you and Gabby live like this? She’s on that work grindset ig

• I’m still thinking about Tom calling Jake a housewife in that one greeting. Him cleaning up Ellie’s apartment while she’s sketching for her job is not helping-

• DAMN, HOW STRONG IS GABBY FOR HER TO DENT THE WOODEN POLE OF A MAILBOX

• “there were thankfully no murder cases just lying around” “We could make one!” Gabby are you ok

• that clip of Tom and Gabby thinking of what to do honestly has great meme potential tbh

• I’m honestly living for Jake and Ellie interacting with each other in a positive way fr

• “tax fraud, tax fraud,” LMAO???

• “I’m having a lot of fun with you.” “Aw, why so sentimental?” “It feels like being a kid again!” ik i didn’t copy-paste the entire convo between them, but I love it so much

• aw, they left New York because they couldn’t pay rent :(

• OH DAMN THE GAYS ARE GONNA START FIGHTINGGGGGG

• “Do you even know what my life is like? Ramen noodles for dinner if I’m lucky.” Girl I would not complain about eating ramen, that shit’s amazing

• “Oh, I guess a privileged twink like me wouldn’t know the meaning of that, huh?” LMAO I JUST REMEMBERED YUL’S BITCHASS CALLING JAKE A TWINK (part 2) WHEN HE GOT ELIMINATED IN ALL STARS

• bruh, what are these insults y’all are calling each other you sound like toddlers

• wait, Jake actually took the words out of my mouth lmao

• I’m kinda disappointed that they didn’t apologize about what happened in DC, but either way, I’m happy to see Jake and Ellie reconcile and say that they’re cool :D

• “I still have a roof over my head, and Gabby” I LOVE THEMMMMMMMM

• Gabby’s having so much fun skating :D SHE LOOKS SO CUTE WITH THAT BEANIE

• “The dog stole it! I convinced him to give it back!” *hard cut to Gabby barking at the dog and Tom immediately picking up the gnome after it drops it*

• srsly tho that clip made me laugh lmao

• Aw Jake catching Tom before he slips on ice was so cute :D

• ANOTHER TOMJAKE KISSSSSSSSSS

• “Aw babe, I’m so proud of you!” “What can I say? You bring out the best in me Gabbs!” “The part of you is always there. I was always there to see it.” OH MY GODDDDDDD (/pos) AND GABBY KISSING ELLIE’S HANDS

• “Oh my god, Ellie look! It’s snowing! It’s so beautiful.” “I could think of something else more beautiful” AAAAAAA

• NO WAY WE GOT ANOTHER GABELLIE KISS TOO LETS GO

• Loving the implication that Ally wrecked Jake’s shit in Smash Bros lmao

• YOOOOOO LUCIA APPEARANCE!

• …ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME ARE YOU LEAVING US ON ANOTHER GODAMN CLIFFHANGER-

• Besides that, great episode 10/10. would rewatch until the heat death of the universe

[suraemoon]

It Couldn’t Be Better

Elvis x Reader - snippets of Elvis’ first Christmas with your family

Warnings: None really, just fluff and flirting

WC: 3.8k (was supposed to a blurb idk what happened)

A/N: Look, I’m aware that this isn’t good and is all over the place. I’d spend a few more days on it if I could but today is Christmas (yay!) and it would make no sense to post it any other day. I put in my masterlist that this would hopefully be out by the 25th and here it is. It’s based on the prompts “It could be worse” and something along the lines of “a character’s parent makes them tacky christmas sweaters” Merry Christmas y’all!!!!! I LOVE YOU.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“It could be worse.” Your voice radiates fake optimism as your manicured nails pick a piece of lint from the homemade, bright red knitted sweater on your upper half.

You look up from your quick maintenance to be met with Elvis’ scrunched nose and concentrated eyes as his hand pulls on his sweater's borderline turtleneck collar, a bright “Christmas tree” green to complement yours festively.

The sweaters were beautifully knit with white stripes going back in forth in turn with the chosen festive color. Glued on the knit were an array of tinseled pompoms and ironed on were different designs of patches. Smiles, hearts, stars, animals, santa’s, snowflakes, etc; they all looked like they’d be better suited on a girl’s poodle skirt. “Eh..I guess.”

Your mama had sent you two up to your bedroom to get ready in time for Christmas dinner with your whole extended family.

From her spot next to the stove in the kitchen, one that seemed permanent for her during the holiday season, Mama was cooking up her signature feast and the scent of food filled the air teasingly. The smell enveloped everyone and only built up anticipation for later in the day.

Earlier in the day, when the cold wind flowed in anticipation and the white snowflakes made themselves home, you and your boyfriend had been tasked with cleaning the whole house from top to bottom.

One of the most famous men in the country having his first Christmas at your house? Mama was quick to put a broom in his hand for she had the elder generational quality to not spend her time focusing on pop culture and society but instead what needed to be done in order to keep her home running smoothly, especially during the holidays.

“You need to wash my windows, clean my counters, sweep and mop the floors…”

You couldn’t stop a huff from leaving your lips at the housekeeping task for this was the first year that you desired to be in the kitchen, observant to her methods and helping when you can.

Your mother was easily the best cook you knew, she knew the kitchen like the back of her hand, and with your growing relationship with Elvis starting to become more and more serious, you started thinking about your own cooking skills…well the lack of.

One day you will be handed the baton of Thanksgiving and Christmas meals and there’s no harm in trying to learn the ins and outs of it now.

“You need to give the dog a bath, make sure every bedroom in the house looks neat…”

The urge to be a housewife never striked upon your young ambitious mind until you met Mr. Elvis Presley. He unknowingly had the ability to cooking, cleaning, and raising children seemed so much more desirable. A life centered around being his subservient, supportive wife seemed delicious when his hand was intertwined in yours. A few years ago, a younger and singler you would’ve called yourself crazy. Nowadays you just call yourself in love.

“You got it, ma’am.”

Elvis met this list of chores as long as Santa Claus’ list with a smile for he was a restless person always looking for something to do, always searching for an excuse to move, and you knew deep down that he missed his own mama telling him to do stuff.

Now, a few hours later, that genuine go-with-the-flow grin was replaced with the tug of his lip genuinely trying its best to exude politeness as his hand tugged on the collar of his christmas sweater again, the top of his pale collarbone teasing you in the process.

The sun was now lower in the sky but the clouds did not tire from dropping snowflakes anywhere they could. The warm light of your lamp illuminated your freshly tidied room.

It fit the comfort of the holiday spirit better than the sunshine of the early day where brightness flowed through every window as you cleaned them with a rag, the circular motion of your hand mirrored the making of a snowball. Now the view out of the window was a grayish storm of flurries, weather in which a warm sweater would come in handy.

To make light of an awkward situation, you decide to embrace it and do a quick spin in front of him, showing off your full festive outfit. The cranberry red of your oversized sweater is paired with a black leather mini skirt and black leather boots to match.

It’s an outfit that you wouldn’t usually ever wear for a family event like this. But your boyfriend's overwhelming presence: fingers that you knew would always intertwine with yours as if meant to be, an arm that would never fail to wrap around your waist, feet that would always gravitate towards being around you, it all filled you with an indescribable sense of confidence.

The pure sex appeal Elvis exuded 24/7, seemingly effortless as if the attraction comes with his nature, always inclined you to put your all into matching it’s magnetic energy. The spin stops and your feet go to tippy toes to reach up and kiss his sugar plum lips. “What do ya think?”

Elvis wets his lips as if your lipstick had a flavor and his eyes look you over your figure fully as he takes your hand to give you a quick little twirl. Instead of a full 360 it was more of two 180’s since he stopped a second to take a quick look at your back side.

A low whistle was the background music to the rest of your orbit and his cheeky little smile seemed to glow when in the presence of your maroon red lipstick. “I think I gotta see what’s under it. Gonna let me do a little inspection? Wanna make sure everything’s sitting right…working the way it’s sposed ta.”

“Elvis! It’s Christmas…gotta be family friendly.”

He chuckles as a response comes too quickly to brain, “I wanna get real friendly with you, honey.”

You hit his shoulder playfully, “Stop that.”

“Hey! It’s Christmas, honey. Thought we had to be family friendly and that hitting ain’t very holly jolly of ya. I’m surprised Santa didn’t give ya coal this year.”

“Oh please. I don’t think Santa would mind me putting ya in line for naughty thoughts.”

“I don’t think Santa would mind me bending ya over my knee for a smart mouth but…” He shrugs, putting his sleeves in his pants pockets.

You stick out your tongue at him and he laughs his beautiful laugh. Gliding as if on ice back to the mirror of your vanity, you apply some more blush to your cheeks. Getting a little too warm and secretly having the cheeky desire to show more skin, you subconsciously fold the ribbed collar of your sweater down a little bit.

When met with the black and purple of a hickey on the side of your neck, immediately the collar is put back in its original place, the fabric willing to revert back to how it was supposed to be worn and mocking you in the process as if saying “told you so”.

A whisper escapes your lip, “Jesus…”

Elvis perks up from the seat he has taken on your bed in response, for he loves an opportunity to talk to (and tease) his favorite girl, “Lord’s name in vain on his birthday?”

Your eyes, framed by black liner and an eyeshadowed lid, meet his through the mirror of the vanity, “Elvis what’d ya do to my neck? It ain’t ever been this much before.”

“Hmm…” His arms are at his sides, stabilizing himself against the plush of the comforter, and he looks simply adorable with his false pout as if thinking of a smart remark to respond with.

“Hm indeed.”

He chuckles, “Today about love ain’t it? You don’t wanna put ya collar down and show everyone how much I love ya?”

“Elvis…”

As if automatic, your eyes roll playfully and he decides to continue, “Not gonna show off that pretty little neck, huh? You always look pretty but you look even prettier when you’re all marked up…all claimed.”

“You’re too much.” You shake your head, trying to cool off the influx of red that has awoken on your cheeks.

“People wanna know which one’s E.P.’s girl? Oh, they’ll know. She got the love marks to prove it. She’s the only girl I wanna love on.”

Your soft hands go up to cover your face but they make sure to keep a safe distance in order to not mess up the canvas of progress you have made at the vanity. “Shoo…you’re too distracting. I gotta finish my makeup.”

“So…?”

“So…they’re staying covered.”

A few minutes later, he speaks again from a spot on your bed as you apply the finishing touches of your makeup. “No offense to your mama, honey, but…I don't think homemade holiday sweaters are really in trend. Not these ones at least.”

His slight frown gives way to a bright laugh, a sound prettier than the jingle bells adorning the sleeves of his sweeter.

“Everyone’s gonna be wearing one so we’re all gonna be weird together.”

“Mm.”

“Last year was polka dots…polka dots. So count yourself lucky you weren’t around for that.”

Your mother’s homemade knitted wool Christmas sweaters have been a longstanding tradition in your family since….forever. When asked, it was your great-great grandmother that started it years ago. Or was it your great-great-great grandma? No one would be surprised if the family’s Christmas sweater fascination started way back in the simple days of the cavemen when your neanderthal ancestors were in need of warmth and for some odd reason in addition to fire and sharpened sticks, they had the supplies to create tacky garments of clothing.

You and Elvis started dating in January, so this year was full of firsts with this cold December wrapping it up lovingly in a snug little bow.

When dinner was served at Elvis’ first Thanksgiving with your family, the unusual but warmly content silence around the large, wooden dinner table was interrupted abruptly by your mother’s sudden thought. A soft gasp called for hungry heads to look up from their plates.

You would think there was a lightbulb above her head or that an epiphany to solve world hunger was in her thoughts. Your mama looked at Elvis with a gleeful smile, “I’ve gotta ‘nother Christmas sweater to make this year!” You remember the way Elvis’ smile was apprehension coating in politeness, wondering what the hell she was talking about. Your mama made clothes? How has that never come up?

His blue eyes widened for a full second about two weeks later when he was sat quickly by your mother on the couch with a gift box practically shoved in his hands. “Sit, sit ,sit!” Your mama said as if a little kid again.

The same eagerness did not translate to when you sat down, as by now you knew the routine by heart. You got practically the same gift two weeks before Christmas every single year. Just different designs, patterns, and decor but in its essence the same gift filled with the same love. This was always around the time when mama gave everyone there sweaters either in person or by mail.

Now that you think about it…this giftbox looks suspiciously similar to the same one you opened last year. Is that why your mama made sure you were careful not to break it?

The ornaments on the tree, a brand new one from last year right next to one you crafted out of popsicle sticks and cardboard in kindergarten. The nostalgia and newness blended seamlessly on the forest green branches.

The opening of boxes takes attention away from the tree, a happy presence willing to blend into the background the best it can. Your perfectly wrapped and ribboned rectangle has not even been touched but you watch intently as Elvis tries to carefully peel the tape off the side of the box. Your mother wouldn’t have minded if he tore it to shreds. She would’ve told you off if you had dared, but with Elvis it would’ve been alright.

“Y-you really didn’t hafta get me anything, ma’am. It’s real kind of you.”

Your mother replies matter of factly, “Are you kidding? It’s Christmas! Of course I had to give my son-in-law something.” You and Elvis weren’t married. Not yet. But the law of the heart doesn’t care about physical papers. In the minds of your welcoming family, new people were accepted with open arms and once their hearts got on Elvis they never want him to go.

Elvis brings his attention to you for the first time in a while, lifting your chin up gently with his hands as he admires your face. “You already blessed me with your beautiful daughter. She’s better than any gift, no doubt.” A shade of pink flushes over your face as Elvis gives you a quick, soft kiss.

“Awww. My two little turtle doves. Well, I’m allowed to give ya more than one gift so go ‘head.”

When the top of the box is lifted off, a tiny sweet sounding gasp escapes Elvis’ lips as his eyes fall on the christmas sweater. “O-oh…wow, ma’am. It’s, it’s really somethin’.”

Mama watches intently, “Do ya like it?”

He could pass for a deer in headlights. “More than like it. I can’t wait to wear it for um..Christmas.”

You couldn’t help but giggle at the false enthusiasm and at this noise mom’s attention turns straight to you and the box on your lap, narrowing her eyes and crossing her arms, “Are you too cool in front of your boyfriend to open yours?”

Shaking your head, the faint sound of Christmas radio sings in your ears as you open your first gift of Christmas. It’s red to go with Elvis’ green. Youthful to contrast with a growing daughter, homey and nostalgic to compete with a fast, changing lifestyle.

Your smile is genuine as you reply, “Thanks mama. It’s really nice.”

All three of you share the most comfortable of silences. It wasn’t silent really, music flowed through the room and firewood crackled; the background ambience that makes any December day anymore special.

The memories of your mother and her cute interactions with your boyfriend (all of which showing she approved of him greatly) was interrupted by the voice of the man himself. All of sudden you were brought back where you were: in your room getting ready with the person you love the most on the 25th of December.

“You ready to go down, honey? I think I heard some people walk in.”

“Oh..yeah! Let’s go.” Taking his hand, you walk over to the door.

“Wait a second…” Your mind immediately goes to the lamp you left on but his mind is somewhere else completely. He leans down to kiss you, long and hard. The unexpected passion takes you back but your heels stay steady on the ground, all of your attention on kissing him back with the same fervidity. His calloused hand is on your soft cheek and your fingers flow through his black hair. You want the moment to never end but like all things in life it inevitably does.

“Now we can go.” His smirk is teasing and playful. He knows the effect he has on you. He knows by your red cheeks and wide eyes how weak he can make you.

“I-” Practically speechless you just nod and take his hand, walking shakily out of the door. He laughs at the sudden urgency, slapping your behind playfully as you walk in front of him.

When your face, your whole body for that matter, started to become less warm and all of the many happy greetings to family and friends were finished, the evening was going splendidly. Laughs and cheer filled the space and joy at being back together radiated off of everyone in the room.

This year, you started to become more aware of not only yourself but your surroundings. What would this look like to a fly on the wall? What would it look like to a man attending his first Christmas with the loved ones that you have grown up being accustomed to? The Christmas tree shined brightly, decorated with a mismatched array of ornaments that went together perfectly. Every seat had a person and the garlands that Elvis hung up on the walls looked down at everyone adoringly.

From your spot standing in the open arched doorway connecting the dining room and living room you are a true wall flower for a moment. You notice how the group of younger teenage cousins brought their friends over for dinner for the first time ever and it just so happened to be the year where Elvis Presley started to attend the gathering. Giggles and whispers came from the corners of the living room, juveniles no longer embarrassed by matching tacky sweaters.

Looking away, your knowing smirk turns into a wide, adoring smile as you turn your attention to Elvis playing with your littlest cousins on the fluffy rug.

Unlike their older counterparts, their innocent smiles are refreshing for they are oblivious to the fact that it is the Elvis Presley playing with them.

To the little ones, he’s just Mr. Elvis, a friend to play with. He’s cradling the youngest baby gently in his arms while sitting criss-cross applesauce on the floor. A toddler in two pigtails and a bright pink knit sweater plays in his gelled hair as if on an oblivious mission to mess it up.

Little Jane managed to get her hand on a brush and was trying to play make-believe hair salon with your boyfriend. “Sit still, Mr. Elvis!”

“Oops.” Elvis winces as the hard brush hits him on the side of the head. “I’m trying, honey, I really am. Hard when you’re trying ta pull my hair out.”

“I’m tryna make ya look pretty! If you wanna look a mess just say it.”

“Maybe sometimes I wanna look a mess.”

She groans, “You hardly got a lotta hair anyway. It’s all shiny and too hard ta make ponies.” And just like that, with an attention span the size of her tiny legs, she abandons both Elvis and the brush to go play with a group of older kids about older elementary age.

Elvis chuckles lightly and focuses on the small baby still in his lap, trying to grab at him with chubby hands. His plush lashes flutter gently as he looks down and gives the little cherub all of his pretty attention and you swear right then and there, your heart was about to escape from your chest.

“Ain’t you the cutest? You’re the cutest, ain’t ya?” The baby giggles an infectious giggle and Elvis’ smirk is just as adorable.

“I gotta get myself one of ya. A cute little baby. A littlun just like you.”

“I gotta get myself one of ya.” He’s talking to a baby, and you’re his girlfriend, the only one who can help him with that wish. Stuck in place, your legs feel weak as you lean on the wall next to you for support and your stomach can be easily compared to a snow globe filled with a flurry of snowflakes. If hearts can do somersaults, yours has many times since you’ve met Elvis.

His hand envelops one of the baby’s white socks gently. “Tiny little sooties too.”

The baby’s gummy grin gets wider as he kicks his feet, fascinated with Elvis’ hand like a new toy. Your boyfriend moves up from the itty bitty feet to tickle the tiny belly lying in front of him, then his palm relaxes, moving up and down in a soothing motion over the little one’s soft sweater. By the way Elvis’ pink lips move you can tell he has started to sing a song. It’s a quiet melody just between him and the baby he's holding. The most beautiful, adorable secrets.

When you remember that you are an actual person in the room and your legs feel less like jello, in your head you decide to walk over to the spot on the rug where Elvis is sitting but before your heels could move a second step, the ringing of a bell fills the room.

“Dinner everyone!” The voice of your mother is a saving grace to every hungry soul in the house.

Elvis stands up, holding the baby securely as if he has been a professional at holding infants his whole life. The mother, your eldest cousin, walks over shyly with a blush on her face as she carefully takes the baby from Elvis’ arms so he could go eat.

“You’ve got a really cute daughter, honey…well her mama’s cute so I know where she got it from.”

Flustered, her mouth parts a little as she adjusts the smiley baby on her hip. “O-oh. Um..thank you. Thank you very much.”

He had a way of speaking, a beautiful charm, that could make any woman he comes across blush. No matter how long the sparkly wedding ring has been on their ring finger. By the way she looked at Elvis, you wouldn’t know that the young mother has been married to her actual husband for two years. You’d think the baby in her hands was Elvis’.

Elvis smirked his “I know what I’m doing” cheeky grin and kissed the baby’s cheek before walking away.

Suddenly, You and Elvis start to walk to each other simultaneously as if all that time apart wore you out and you needed another dose, attracting like the opposite sides of the strongest magnet, the two of you meet in the middle of the room.

You’re the next to get your cheek kissed and he whispers to you, “Remember when ya said earlier that things could be worse when I was grumbling ‘bout the sweater.”

“Oh, I remember.”

He holds your hand and begins to lead you to the kitchen as he finishes his thought. “I’ll tell ya. Today couldn’t get better, honey. It really couldn’t.”

As you walk, the voices of tiny children ring out suddenly, “Mistletoe! Mistletoe!” It took Elvis tapping your shoulder and pointing up to notice that the audience was addressing you and him. Through long lashes you look up and indeed a piece of green hangs above in the archway that you and Elvis stand in. To any on-looker the image of you two could’ve been a painting. You indeed felt frozen in time.

“It’s the mistletoe! That’s your boyfriend, you gotta kiss!” The tiny voices continued their protesting.

Elvis smiles at you, “Well, I guess it could get a little better. It’s bad luck to ignore the mistletoe. Need to feel ya on me…been too long.”

“Merry Christmas, Elvis.” Just like that, you reach up and kiss him, your thumb moving back and forth on his cheek as you tilt your head to the side. He starts kissing you back immediately and an eruption of tiny cheers fills the room.

[player188654]

AMERICAN HOUSEWIFE FIC IDEAS UNDER THE CUT

these are all totally up for grabs! I might write a few but mostly they’re just little floating ideas in my head. Feel free to drop into my inbox and mentioned ideas, ask me about mine, or even tell me you’re writing one of these stories! I’m gonna go ahead and tag @ficsnships cause they inspired me to write this list :) let’s get some more fics up in here! And feel free to repost with your own thoughts and ideas everyone!

Cooliver gambler/dealer au where cooper goes to Vegas on a family vacation and ends up at the black jack table

AU where cooper moves in with the Otto’s much earlier in the show

AU where Cooliver meets as college roommates

This one is kinda dark but like… story where cooper’s dad has a heart attack (but lives) and it forces cooper to take a look at his life, childhood, and future

Triplor wedding fic but the story like has a glimpse from every family member’s point of view

Just like… fics revolving around the new baby and also a fix it fic where the show doesn’t just end on 8 cliffhangers

More interactions with the Otto family and Cooper. Like maybe a 5 times the Otto family helped cooper, and 1 times he helped them, or something like that

-These are both inspired by Julie and the phantoms fics I wrote around 3 years ago,

-a cooliver fic where they’re both teachers in a k-12 school (Oliver is highschool economics and cooper is 2nd grade) and they’re like always flirting and all of the students are invested

-a hs fic where cooper is a football player because his dad cares so much about him being popular and Oliver is on the dance team or cheer team and they’re the cutest classic hs relationship trope. OR Oliver plays football to help his chances of getting scholarships and cooper is always in the student section cheering (let me know what y’all think)

A fic revolving around Franklin and Anna-Kay’s friendship through the years and how they look up to their older siblings

A fic that switches between Oliver giving Taylor a pep talk before her wedding, and Taylor giving Oliver a pep talk before his

[loohser]

Bella Ramsey Drabble

(Accepting requests! <3)

Bella Ramsey Drabble —-------------------------------------------------- I laid on the bed with a huff. I don’t know about y’all but having three days off back to back from work is so boring! It sucks even more because Bella has been working on a short film so I can’t even spend my time with them. I checked my phone and saw that Bella had sent me pictures from set. My smile grew larger and larger with every swipe. Bella is starring in a short film called ‘Requiem.’ My smile quickly got swiped from my face once I saw a photo of Bella and their co-star looking awfully close. They were standing close together and Bella had one hand up into a peace sign while their co-star had one arm wrapped around Bella's waist and the other hand into a peace sign. I locked my phone and put it faced down on my bedside table.

“They're just doing their job y/n, don’t get jealous.” I muttered to myself. Bella should be home in another hour. I’ll cook dinner before they get home.

—--

As soon as I finished cooking dinner I heard the front door open.

“Darling?” Bella called out.

“In the kitchen!”

I heard footsteps from behind me. “Mm smells good in here.” Bella came up from behind me and wrapped their arms around me. They slowly started to place kisses on my neck. I hummed at the feeling. “Ready to eat?” I ask them.

They slowly started to move their right hand down towards my center. “Hey! That is not what I meant you little freak.” I moved their hand and placed it back on my waist.

“Well darling, you never specified. I was simply doing what came naturally to me.” They smirked. “Also I missed you. I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

I turned my head towards them, “Oh really you missed me? Didn’t seem like it.” I scoffed.

Bella turned my body around to look at me. “What do you mean?”

“You just seemed awfully close to your co-star in that picture you sent me is all.”

“It was just a photo. You seriously aren't mad over that are you? I had no idea that she was going to put her arm around me. We didn’t even have time to think about what pose we were going to do before someone was snapping our photo. Photos that I really wanted to take because I was so excited to show you.” They explained. I groaned, “I know I shouldn’t be mad but seeing her close to you just made me…”

“What? Made you wanna give me a kiss?” They puckered their lips.

“More like it made me want to strangle her.” I shrugged my shoulders while giving them a peck.

They gasped, “Oh my goodness. My lover needs some serious help.”

“I do not! I have this feeling totally under control Bells. Trust.”

“Alright if you say so.” They leaned their forehead against mine.

“I really wanna kiss you right now.” Bella whispered.

“Then do it. I was so terribly bored without you today. I needed my Bells with me.”

“You have me. I’m right here.”

Bella leaned up and gave me a kiss. I smiled into the kiss. I grabbed their waist and pulled their body closer to mine. While doing so they slipped their tongue into my mouth. I let out a moan. They pulled back and slipped their hand into mine.

“What are you doing Bells?”

“Obviously I’m taking you to the bedroom.”

“But what about dinner?”

They rolled their eyes, “Either we eat food or I eat you. Your choice.”

I playfully thought about it, “I did work hard cooking for you today.”

“You are so terrible. I should call you my little housewife. Let me repay you for working so hard for me, yeah?”

“You’re right, I do deserve a reward. Lead the way Bella.”

[deada55]

Kloktober 2024 day 23: as a different genre

Hope y’all like Eastern European Folk Music. I know I sure do.

… it seems like I didn’t think about it but I’m actually obsessed with this AU in particular. I fucking love Eastern European folk. Love it. I was in an ensemble for six years. Ask me about it sometime!

”What fuckin’ weird high school even does that shit?”

“Come on, honey,” sighed his mother. They drove through miles of bright green yards and spring gardens, complete with the occasional capri-clad housewife with a push mower waving at them as they passed. Nathan blew his hair away from his mouth. “Give it a try. It’s supposed to make you more globally conscious. And tolerant, I guess! You know, even for the—“

“You’ll just have to make the best of it!” Oscar spoke over her and slowed down as they turned into the drop-off loop at the new school. “Have a good day, champ. We love you.”

“Ok.”

Nathan got out of the car and followed the crowd into the building. From there, blind luck got him to the front office for his schedule, where he was surrounded by purple and green and the school’s mascot: the Zoot Cats. Huh?

Fortunately, Nathan’s school-assigned cultural exploration elective was at the end of the day this quarter. Unlike the other kids who’ve been there for a while, he didn’t get to pick, and his schedule only had the room number, not the name. Some of the electives were film study groups, book clubs, themed creative writing workshops, even cricket! Still, Nathan passed Spanish in his old school because he… No, he failed Spanish, but cheated off of a guy who spoke Spanish in math.

He showed up at the cultural exploration elective room two minutes behind the bell, and walked into a seminar room with all the furniture pushed up against the cinderblock wall, leaving the other half with five chairs, an instrument that looked like a giant lute with a round back, a guy holding a three-stringed banjo with a triangular body, another guy in a My Little Pony shirt and unwashed fingernails with a ukulele-version of the giant lute, and some wannabe punk at a pile of percussion odds-and-ends, sitting on a drumbox. The gay dude with the triangle guitar was seething and tuning the ukul-luté.

“Oh, hey. You, uh, joining us?” The punk’s wild red hair didn’t even move when he stood up, not from product but from its own thick, coarse texture. He stepped forward to greet Nathan at the door.

“Oh, wow!” A fat kid with a grease-stained shirt wiggled his way out from under a table in the back of the room. “They gave the stupid new kid to the Russian Music Ensemble. Great. Now we’re going to sound fucking awesome.”

“Shut up, he knows Accordions,” said the blonde fruit who was white-knuckled with obsession as he tuned two strings to E with as much perfection as possible for a souvenir instrument from the Soviet Union. He shoved the instrument back in his co-string’s hands and stood up to pull a battered red resin accordion out from behind small percussion mountain. “I arranged your parts. I hopes you don’t needs them written down. It sounds like-“

”It sounds like this!” The MLP guy used his disgusting fingernails to sloppily claw-hammer the triangle-thing through a tangle of chords.

“No-“ Just like that, he was completely distracted and arguing with the MLP guy.

”Uh…” Nathan looked around for an empty chair, then started looking at the door.

The redhead piped up. “Hold on, uh, I’m Pickles, and that’s uh…” The blonde guy was Skwisgaar, playing the prima domra, he was yelling at Toki, prima balalaika, and Murderface was tuning the bigger instrument, the bass domra, with a scowl. “It’sch William, dickweed.”

“And, so… Let’s just show him what we do, guys. You’ll recognize this one. Kalinka.” The band all exchanged nods and sat up straighter (except for William, but whatever.)

Pickles raised a tambourine to count off, then Skwisgaar and Toki furiously strummed a chord in a fast, hard crescendo. The timing was hinkey from that point on, but Pickles lead with his voice, high and strong.

“Кааааааааалинка, калинка, калинка моя—“

They chopped through the song, then attempted to accelerando together and ended up a mess until Pickles burst through with a long hold that modulated down. Then, there was a collective breath,

“Ах, под сосною, под зеленою,”

The strings plodded along lightly, with flourishes from Skwisgaar undermining Pickles. Murderface’s plodding was steady and depressive. Toki’s strumming got more and more sluggish as the verse went on, until it concluded in one more big buzz from Skwisgaar and Toki together.

”Кааааааа—“

”Schmoke break!” Murderface shouted. He let his domra all but hit the floor.

”Really!? Right now? Murderface,”

”Come ons! Wes got to practice!”

”Moidaface! Butts the juuleses is for fools!”

“Uh…” Nathan droned. “I don’t actually know how to play the accordion.”

[aconflagrationofmyown]

Sarge and lil Mama Headcanons

I’ve never done a headcanon post and am rather dissatisfied with this one, mostly because I’m itching to write full fledged, descriptive blurbs and fics elaborating on these highlights. But this way y’all will get a little taste and hopefully something will spark your interest as I’d welcome any prompts, requests and suggestions for which ones you’d like to see written out in full 🌹

Warnings: NSFW…breeding kinks, lactation kinks, gender roles, housewife kink, innocence kink, free use, lots of kids, withdrawal mentions, Army Elvis being a hot tamale

The attraction starts a little differently from the usual romance, this man thought of you as the sweet and kitchen-skilled daughter of a Memphian music producer until one day Gladys opened her mouth to tell her impressionable son something along the lines of: “now there’s a pretty gal who would make you a marvelous wife and mother to your children”

Ever after that, this poor young man can’t help but think of you in that context, laying beneath him as he breeds you, swelling with his children, giving him little heirs to Graceland and then the whole cycle begins again…the other girls and the starlets are hot stuff and they’re all great for romance and sex, but when he’s alone in his room he wrings his poor cock out to the thought of filling you with his children and binding you to him forever. His intentions towards you are so wholesome they’ve turned primal, and it takes him ages to work up the courage to ask your daddy for your hand

This asking gets precipitated by two events: his induction into the army and the death of his mother. Without her in his life he can’t fathom making a home across the ocean without a woman, his woman, the woman his mama pointed out and he’s been married to in his head for a humiliating length of time

I mean, sure you’ve been trying to be a comfort to him whenever you two interact since his mama’s passing, and maybe you took more baked goodies over to the big house than strictly necessary, but it was all to make him get off the floor and stop looking so hollow, to be there for Gladys’ son and your father’s friend.

Here he’s been wanking to the thought of you swollen with his kids while you’ve been baking pies, finishing school and keeping your expectations for romance low.

But had such a fixed determination regarding your role in his life he forgets how little you’ve been let in on the secret. He’s been keeping his behavior circumspect around you as he distrusts what his instincts might compel him to do if he caught you alone wearing a dress and that perfume that sends him nuts

So it’s a shock to not really be asked, but rather told that you’re gonna marry him, like it’s something you owe the nation -like jury duty or the draft

And see, it’s gotta happen soon since he’s leaving and he wants to bring ya overseas with him and -well, that’s how you end up three months later laying beneath the King of Rock and Roll as he takes your virginity and makes you his wife,

He definitely tells you why he wanted you that night, praises you for being wife material and you preen under the weight of his adoration.And he absolutely asks you, as you both sit on the edge of the bed with his hand in your hair: “do you know what mamas and daddies do when they got to bed, lil one?”

You don’t, not really, all the “conjugal advice” dear sweet freshly married you got from your mama was to “be good” for your husband. So by golly you do it, you’re beyond good for him that first night and he coaches you through his voice tender, grounding and soft as he shows you

Wide eyed and fuzzy headed from the heat of his hand on your thigh you hear him explain, “the daddy goes inside the mommy’s kitty, baby”

It’s all alright, he tells your doe-eyed self, he’ll show you how it’s done between man and wife before God’s watching eyes, “thas’ it… spread ya legs lil.. no not that way… no.. goddamn it hang on honey lemme help ya”

And sure, partway through you’re asking “really Elvis? You’re not pulling my leg are ya? You’re really supposed to go inside me?” And he’s all, “How else am I gonna plant babies in your womb, honey? Gotta go far up in or else they’ll just get lost in your belly, with the cake you ate.”

He’s a bit insecure about the fact he has been long besotted with you and you’re merely fond of him. And so, both to assuage any guilt he might have over possibly pressuring you and to make you prove you want this -he has you on top, has you do the first impaling of your own free will

And he makes it so good for you that first night -after all, he wants you to look forward to him merging with you, he wants you to want to take him as often as he wants to take you, wants you to crave being filled, to be dissatisfied every minute he’s not inside you

He’s the one to teach you everything about such matters and as you’ve no set parameter or established sense of what’s “proper” or “dirty” you soak up every wicked trick he shows you. He gets to mould you into the perfect wife, perfect for his cock and his tastes, taking him just how he wants, whenever he wants, and your sweet self is in shambles from how good his foreign activity feels.

Now the papers, they’re having a field day. The colonel makes certain this sudden change of status is used for full image rehabilitation effect, there’s heaps of praise for Elvis the Pelvis repenting of his wildness and settling down, embracing the role of a wholesome family man.

When you visit him at Fort Hood and show up in your little sundress to the accompanying sound of wolf whistles, he's knocked flat on his ass by the sight of your pretty body filled out and matronly, a glow about you that suggests that finally you have the little piece of the puzzle of you that was missing before -him, a little bit of him inside you at all times

He pulls you aside for a frantic chat, eyebrows drawn together as he huffs out, u could so a specific like “Lordy, baby you been walkin around like that? glowin with your tits all big and swollen… shit... ain’t nobody look at ya too long did they?” “no elvis” “good answer lil girl i was bouta bust some heads in”

You have those twins right before he has to go overseas, and he forgets himself he’s so anxious he nearly crushes your little hand during labor

Elvis is a mess because you aren’t fit to travel and he has to leave you behind, no amount of money getting thrown around can allow him to stay longer, so he leaves you tearful, promising to get you over with the rest of his family and entourage

A nasty bout of mastitis makes your sicker than ever and delays any impromptu flights you might have tried to take, and Elvis is so worried for you since not even his mama is back home to make sure you’ll be alright, you’re all alone when he promised that you’d always be together as a family

One of y’all’s long distance phone calls gets bugged and recorded, sold to the papers and let’s just say that while the rest of the nation is choking on their eggs while reading a printed transcript of y’all’s dirty talk in the morning papers, you and Elvis are besides yourselves with anger and frustration that even this little comfort and closeness has been taken from you

It also disillusions the public regarding Elvis’ supposed reformation of character, he always has looked like he knows how to fuck, and now there’s swelling proof of that fact in you

Christmas is just around the corner -his first without his mama- and you’re healed up and mad enough that you pull some strings of your own and haul Grandma Dodger and the twins to an international airport and fly to Germany in Pan Am commercial class seats

That reunion at the airport?! Oh yeah, I’ve got a fic coming…let’s just say he missed ya, and he needs to inspect ya, make sure his boobs and his pussy are fully recovered

Reunion sex is trying to be hushed cause he’s living with other folks, but let’s face it, you two holler till the whole block knows what you’re up to, and you two can’t wait to get a house of your own

Succeed at that but then, it’s full of people often too

Which, seeing as how he wants free reign to take you every chance he can get, fill ya up again, that just won’t do. This is the true honeymoon of your married lives, and he’s got his little babies he wants to get to know

So yes, he rents other houses around the base for his family and entourage just so he can slip inside you whenever he wants, while you’re at the sink, or spread out on the kitchen table -undisturbed, save for occasional noise complaint - and talk, oh you two talk and this is where you truly fall in love with the man, not the legend

These days are the happiest of your life looking back, a taste of normality where you can look back and see your man coming home to you by six o’clock, dinner thirty minutes later, babies bathtime and reading time after that, and then the rest of the night to yourselves - alright, often you two fall asleep holding the snuggly little nuggets, let’s be honest…this man can hardly stand being parted from them more than he already is

Speaking of not being parted… cockwarming while nursing happens very often on the living room sofa, he helps support your tired arms and everything, and it’s almost boyish the way he peeks over your shoulder, his lips part and his eyes get wonderous as he watches his little ones taking their nourishment from your body

It doesn’t take you long to set up house and get into a rhythm, which means you notice when things are off -even if you two hadn’t much married time before all this. So it isn’t many nights reunited before you notice the addition of pills to his bedtime regimen and he tells you he hasn’t been sleeping well all alone out here, and you suggest an experiment… wearing him out before bed, and whenever he gets a craving in the night, you’re there for him to use… yes, we are gonna go full “breaking addiction through Free Use” here

Which is really just swapping one addiction for another -pills for pussy, but hey, it works and you haven’t been back a whole month before those tell tale signs reemerge and Elvis is the one to spot them first -half because he is so eager for it to happen again and for him to finally be apart of it, and another because this boy has studied the subject extensively in the interim and knows what to look for

This next pregnancy he is all over you, everything he missed before due to enforced separation he gets to watch unfold in real time, and to his consternation, he finds that you being pregnant is just as appealing if not more so than you fertile, his lust is magnified by gratitude now, as well as the sneaking suspicion that you’ve really finally fallen irrevocably in love with your crazy soldier boy

Elvis is so invested in your well-being when you are pregnant that he is reading all the recommended books, in between his army duties. This man lays in bed at night, glasses on, reading aloud to you by lamplight about all processes and symptoms, what stage your babies are at now (he swears it’s another set) and he goes to every doctors appt with you. He’s the one to ask tons of questions and actually tries to school the doctor on certain things, cause he’s a precious know-it-all with conviction

You visit him on base often and become quite popular with your goody basket, pretty smile and ripe tits -which drives him nuts when all the guys comment and notice that little Mrs Presley sure is a doozy… he just might haul you to the break room and take you on the pool table…and if they’re watchin him give it to ya real good through the glass doors?! Oh well, that ain’t his problem

After the third or fourth set of Irish twins the neighbors -and the general public- start to wonder if maybe this wholesome family might have a salacious underbelly…the other army wives pity you and your constant state of barefoot and pregnant, but your smug little face says: my man makes it worth it it

You two throw the best house parties over there, and in case all this talk of breeding has made you think this boy has forgotten his oral fixation…ha no, he mumbles his praises into your pussy for being such a remarkable hostess and an impeccable wife and mother after the guests clear out….sometimes before

This man, I am sorry to say, blames you and your tight little coochie for his trash pull out game, he’s all “honey, if you didn’t clench like a goddamn fury i-I might h-have a chance, but as it is, y-you gotta stay in p-p-possession of yourself if you want me to pull out, it’s the lady’s responsibility, i-it’s different for men, w-we can’t help getting carried away”

He tells you the condoms grit his foreskin so you burn them without a second thought, you’re addicted to the friction anyway

Riding him while wearing his army hat might be the first time you get a taste of submissive E, he goes from critiquing your salute and posture “straighten those shoulders out honey, drop that hand snappy, now!” (all while railing you from underneath ya) to being a glassy eyed mess when you cockily ask “you like that Sarge?” while swiveling on him like he’s an toy boy barstool

Returning stateside in the snow, in full view of a crowd of swarming fans and photographers with at least five more children than you two left with

For the next couple decades you rent out the entire top floor of every hotel you stay in just so the kids can freely run down the hall

[dilf-din]

Yeehawgust Day 3: Wanted Poster

Rebelcaptain Western AU (Outlaw!Jyn & Cass)

WC: 1450

Characters: Cassian Andor, Jyn Erso, Syril Karn

Rating: T

Warnings: typical western violence, light language, playing god with star wars canon and added western elements

A/N: howdy y’all! This one was fun, I’m definitely going to be doing a few more mini fics for them this month. Barely proofread so sorry for any typos. Without further ado, please enjoy the misadventures of Fulcrum and Stardust ✨

Order. The Empire craved order. It needed order to survive. It relied on systems and balance and people who could keep everything in check. It relied on subdued civilians with the fight beaten out of them. A list that extensive took cold and competent people, and Syril Karn was one of the best.

Syril was the head of a system of sheriff’s departments located in the desert colonies. It wasn’t a glamorous station by far, but it was a busy one by way of crime, and being entrusted with it was a high honor. He was due for a promotion soon and had been prepping his case to present to the council the afternoon that everything transpired.

He awoke just like any other morning, five minutes before his alarm, ever the overachiever. He shaved his already smooth face, buttoned his shirt all the way to his ivory throat, and secured his gun at his hip, ready to draw at a moment’s notice. He had a plain breakfast of toast and eggs and listened to the morning news broadcast over the crackle of his radio. He checked the watch on his wrist and double checked it with the clock over his stove before pushing back from the table. Just one more day’s work to get through before his meeting with the council. He smiled smugly as he locked the door behind him, and headed down the walk to his barn.

His dark dapple grey horse stood dutifully in his stall, all saddled and ready for a day of patrolling and intimidating civilians.

“Good morning, Zero,” Syril said with a nod, dismissing the stable boy who assisted him in the mornings. “Today’s the day,” he whispered into the stallion’s ear, causing it to flick against his cheek.

The toe of Jyn’s boot drug lazily against the wooden floor, tracing a series of crooked lines in the dust as she swayed back and forth in her hammock. Her left arm hung down as she rolled out the cylinder of her worn revolver before swinging it shut in a repetitive motion. The sound of metal against her leather gloves soothed her as she waited for Cassian’s return. Sunlight streamed in through the cracks in the wood casting beams of pale yellow light through clouds of dust. Jyn had her bandana pulled over her nose to keep the dank, musty smell out. As far as hideouts go, this definitely wasn’t the worst place they’d landed. Cassian’s old friend, Ruescott, had opened up his attic space to the pair as they were currently on the run.

“Just one more job, then I promise we’re out of here for good,” Cassian had promised. Their days spent trekking across the continent with a string of livid Imperial officers on their tail were coming to a close.

People easily fit into two categories around these parts, those who disagreed with the Empire, and those who were pissed off enough to do something about it. Jyn and Cassian fell into the latter category.

The truth was, Jyn didn’t mind this life. She would’ve been bored being a housewife on a homestead somewhere. She liked the thrill of the chase, the disguises, the planning. She lived for the adrenaline rushes, the lies, the cons. Robbing those bastards blind was her reason to get out of bed in the morning. To spit in the face of the people who had killed her parents, killed Cassian’s family, left them alone in the world until they found each other.

Jyn and Cassian met back to back in a shootout trying to pinch some artifacts getting delivered to an Imperial temple. Apparently their informant had slipped up and given the tip to both of them. They took down an entire swarm of Imperial grunts in no time and escaped with their loot in tow. They hadn’t parted since that day, finding more than just a convenient partnership.

But Cassian was growing tired from running for so long. He had planned this last heist for months now, detailing everything down to the meter, the second, the dollar amount. They were planning to clear out the vault of the Aldhani treasury, a nearby town infamous for its heavily guarded store of Imperial wealth and weaponry. It was an affluent little offset in the midst of desert poverty, a real diamond in the rough. They had been waiting for the cattle drives to start making their way through town to set everyone into action, spending the last few weeks holed up in a sloping room that was somehow too wet and too dry at the same time. The prior night, Cassian and Melshi had gone to set charges on a nearby bridge that allowed the passage of the steers into town, hoping that the commotion would draw the law enforcement away to deal with the buildup of livestock and people alike. He had headed out to check and see that everything was falling into place while Jyn waited behind. The likelihood of them being recognized while they were together was high. Their faces were plastered on wanted posters across every nearby town. “Fulcrum and Stardust, wanted dead or alive by the Empire.” Jyn took to cutting her hair and pilfering new outfits as much as she could. Cassian, on the other hand, was a little harder to conceal.

Just then, she heard footsteps below her plodding into the house. She straightened herself and waited for the attic stairs to drop down and that crown of dark hair to pop through the opening in the floor.

Cassian ascended the creaky stairs and clambered into the small room out of breath.

“Well?” she asked impatiently. His face broke out into a wide grin under the thick mustache he had grown out.

“It worked. It couldn’t be more perfect. They’ve got a lot of the regular sentry men helping redirect people to another bridge on the east side of the river. Almost everyone in town is out there watching the commotion.” He took her cheeks in his hands and pulled down the black bandana to reveal her lips slightly parted in awe at the report.

“I’m going to get you out of here, Jyn. We can go anywhere, build a home, hide out from all this shit.”

She was now mirroring his toothy grin with one of her own and leaning forward to place a quick kiss to his lips.

“Let’s go get our prize then, yeah?”

Syril’s route today had changed. The commotion at the Aldhani bridge was drawing in support from all over. He saw it his duty to go supervise, nose turned high in the air, cheeks burning from the spring sun, none the wiser to the fact that one of the biggest entities under his jurisdiction was being bled dry just a few minutes away.

Cass had somehow commandeered a wagon and hooked it up to their two steeds. It was pulled up behind the treasury being piled high with sacks of coins and other valuables. Jyn was waiting in the wagon to tie everything down and throw a blanket over top while Cassian made a few more trips. She had discarded the white bonnet she had been using to shield her eyes from the sun, and had used one of her knives to cut her skirt off at the knees giving her easy access to her boots and thigh holsters. Cassian’s last trip consisted of two new rifles, a couple of explosives, and as much ammo as he could carry.

“That it?”

He nodded, and shed the officers coat and cap he had taken, leaving them next to Jyn’s discarded garments. He was left in gray trousers, overalls, and a loose fitting white shirt that he rolled the sleeves on before hopping up onto the bench. He lent a hand down to Jyn who swung up next to him just as they heard the sound of voices coming from inside the vault where they had left the back door cracked open.

“That’s our cue!” Cassian snapped the reins, and the horses took off.

Jyn’s braids whipped wildly in the wind as she turned to see two officers emerging from the dark room and shouting. She aimed her revolver and hit one dead in the chest, and the other in the shoulder. He cursed as he fell into the sand, blood streaming through his fingers as they grasped his wound desperately. She blew the smoke from the tip and twirled it on her finger before setting it on the bench between them.

“You’re crazy,” Cassian said with a wide grin.

“We both are,” she laughed right at him.

[talkingtea]

I haven’t been over here in a looong while but I’m curious now that the flash has ended, what is y’all’s honest takeaway of Grants wife? It’s been….interesting seeing her go from a barely practiced PT with no SM presence to a glorified housewife with a business no one seems more invested in than her. I’m very, very into fitness across multiple platforms and she’s never casually popped up on any of my feeds not even once since she’s met GG which is so strange but also very telling. It’s like on one hand it’s kind of amusing the way she’s ingratiated herself into this man’s world and made a small name off his success and connections, but on the other hand it’s insane because even though she has a PhD, she cannot comfortably say any of her “success” is on her own merit; atleast I don’t think so. She didn’t have a following or business beforehand.

Our takeaway now is what it’s been from the beginning and every day since. She’s desperate for fame and relevancy and she’ll use Grant and any and every avenue provided to her because of her connection to him to get there.