#I’m heartbroken but DM me if u want to talk

[wooahaes]

you had to break my heart (it’s crying for junghwan rn) so i’m giving you heartbroken!junghwan au please make it happy so that you can mend both of ours 😭

this ask is me @ myself planning a fic for [redacted] after breaking his heart in [fic i've posted here] bc i became too sad over him being heartbroken and wanted him to find love and be happy

so!!! u mentioned in our dms the idea of hwan being like... oblivious to the fact ppl like him and crush on him? he's babie its understandable. ppl who are not babie have also been incredibly oblivious lmao. plus hes currently heartbroken over the other reader-doyoung situation (he's happy for them bc they're happy, but he's also hurting). thats where u come in!! u and hwan have a class together and end up paired for a project, and u just kinda break through those walls kinda easily bc ur presence is just v soothing? so he kinda confesses to you that his crush started dating someone else but tht hes happy for them, but also it hurts :( yknow?

so u just kinda make it ur goal to help him cope w all of it!! friend dates :) u stress that its just platonic stuff and he understands but the two of u keep going out on cute lil friendly dates. thrift shopping n ice cream n stuff like that. someone eventually refers to u as his partner and he goes to correct them but realizes oopsie he kinda is crushing on you now? but he doesnt know if he can rly. date u yet.

so idk i think u would catch on tht things have changed and ask him to be honest with u. when he struggles, u tell him u like him (catching him off guard) and he confesses that he Does like you, but isnt sure about like... going out with you yet. u ask why, and it takes a lil bit of talking before it comes out tht he doesnt feel like things are awkward between him and his former crush. u suggest talking it out, and he doesnt want to jeopardize the friendship. u say it might help, and he says he'll consider it. maybe theres a mutual 'lets take a few days to take care of ourselves and talk again when we feel better, okay?' agreement between u since its a lot to process.

(he 100% goes home and gets flustered bc oh. wait. crush reciprocated...? heart go boom boom ykno)

maybe scene of him going to doyoung and an honest convo? where he talks abt how much it kinda hurt to see doyoung and his partner get together after everything, but tht he's happy for them. he's allowed to be kinda heartbroken and maybe we get an apology from doyoung here bc he Did come off as aggressive and never properly apologized to him for tht. maybe hwan mentions theres someone else now and doyoung supports him in it.

anyway kiss kiss fall in luv <3 u two end up talking again and being ready to take tht next step forward together and go on ur first Real date together :3

[ahundredtimesover]

Hi, everyone! (non-BTS post)

You may have noticed my political asks/posts the past day. As I stated, it was Election Day in my country, the Philippines, yesterday. Many are calling electoral failure - people couldn’t vote bc the machines were “broken” and replacements didn’t come. Wrong names were reflecting in the ballots. There was massive vote buying and numbers aren’t making sense. There was intimidation; a poll watcher died, too.

And more than that, the expected “winner” is the son of the dictator that the previous generation ousted. For 14 years, my country was under Martial Law that saw human rights violations left and right. I met some survivors in my previous work, and I will always remember them. But it feels like we’ve betrayed them and their suffering. It feels like we’ve betrayed those who marched and fought for our rights over 30 years ago. The disinformation campaign and efforts to revise history of their camp was at the forefront, and it will continue to be under this new president.

It’s 7AM of the next day and it still feels surreal. My boss is giving us a day off due to election anxiety that a lot of people are suffering from. I’ve cried and I still do. I never go political on this page - I do that in other spaces, but I know I have my Filipino ARMYs here and I wanted them to know that I feel your disappointment and your pain. I’ve got a few more asks that I’ll respond to and those will be the last but feel free to dm me if you want to talk. I’ll be here.

I’ll try my best to cope. I work in an NGO and there are still children and families I fight for and I’ll remind myself of that. There’s NBA playoffs to watch. There’s BTS comeback to anticipate. There’s ASDOAH tonight. I’ll figure things out, find ways to feel and to not feel. And find ways to fight.

This is on top of the current war still going on in Ukraine, what’s happening in Palestine, and the state of abortion laws in the US, and many more. So much is happening and they’re all so heartbreaking. We just gotta help each other not feel so alone. So I’ll be here if you need me, and I’ll let you know if I can’t.

[fadingmuse]

hey I'm kinda new to ur blog so sorry if it has already been answered before but I wanna know why u both stopped talking and how long has it been since the last time u interacted, virtually and physically

Hey! It's okay, I actually have never talked about this before because I only want everyone to know the good side of things, but I think it's okay if I share this.

So yeah, we were super close for one and a half years, but in the middle of the second year, he turned distant. I couldn't understand why. He went through these mood swings where one day he's all affectionate and such, and the next he avoids me at all costs. I was devastated.

But then a while later, we sat down together, and he told me that he was gonna resign by the end of my second year. I was heartbroken.

We spent the last couple of months like we used to. Hang out together, chat all day and night, sang each other songs. But I never knew when he was about to quit.

Until one day, he was just gone. I didn't even get the chance to say goodbye.

Just like that, that's it.

I saw him update his bbm profile every now and then, but I never got the courage to contact him. And because I got upset every time he updated, I blocked his contact.

I know it probably wasn't necessary, but I don't regret it one bit. I ended up having the best year of my life.

That year was the time I found MY people. I found myself a group of friends with a lifetime's worth of friendship. I would've never found them if I was too caught up with H all the time. So yeah, I wouldn't change it for the world.

A couple of months after, he suddenly followed me on instagram. I followed him back and that's it.

Flash forward to a couple of years later. He suddenly commented on one of my posts on instagram, I replied. A few weeks after that, I decided to dm him and catch up.

That was about less than a year ago. I haven't talked to him since then. To be honest tho? I'm not sad about it.

We've moved on, we're both comfortable where we are now (At least for me, but I hope he is too). I'm just glad it happened and I got to experience every one of those moments with him. I couldn't even think about going through that with someone else.

It's like that saying,

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

[fmdkiana]

*youtuber vc* WHATZ up famerz. i’ve got another SICK character for you to get to know! so SMASH that follow button! MAIM me with that like!

...anyway hi i’m demi, the famed hag, and this is my fourth child (following sung, andy, n jeonghwa) her name is kiana, also goes by ki and kiki, and if that nickname brings to mind anything But kiki’s delivery service u shall b Wrong. she’s fuse’s main dancer and lead vocalist, iconic qwen. here’s her pinterest, bio, public profile, private profile, timeline [wip for links], plots, & social media [wip for insta]. i’ll leave a condensed version under ze cut <3 you can reach me easiest at fmdjoosung or demi#6468 on discord if you’d like to chat abt this girlie!

okay first things first i’m gonna nip this in the bud. if ur like excuse? iu in fuse? ur coocoo for cocoa puffs for that one. u would be right! and i intend to prove to u that she Is fitting. example a-z demonstrates an at home kiki and a fuse ki. thank me later for all this pretty laydee content

background

may 28th, 1994 ya girl is a gemini

from seattle

born to a pediatric surgeon and a software engineer (who specializes in ai bc her mom is Cool) kiana developed a love for science... then tossed it away to be A Star

not immediately though

really it all stems from the desire to be unique in a positive way

with seattle’s large east asian population, she was lumped together with everyone else, and places where she stood out, kids made fun of her for

she felt like an outcast in every sense of the word, which is why when A Boy gave her the genuine time of day, she latched on

they quickly became bad for each other, codependent at its best

kiana’s lil ass rly thought they were romeo and juliet torn apart when her parents made them break up

she kept sneaking out to see him, and eventually it became troublesome enough that her parents decided to move the fam to korea

heartbroken and with the desire to feel desired, she auditioned for gold star

since she was young, she had dance classes, just as her mom did before giving it up for something more stable

dance isn’t what drove her as much as the feeling of a crowd being entertained by her

trained for 3 years, gold star had high hopes for her given her dance background + looks, hence her role in impulse’s a

a couple years after debut, the company manages to snag her an ost, and when that does well, they shove her onto as many osts as possible, but it manages to do basically nothing to help her or fuse’s fame, no matter the impact of the song itself, and they slow down on trying

that *big bad wolf vc* my dears, is what sets up her overall Thing, that no matter what she does, or how many people claim to love her, they don’t show up for her as a solo celebrity

it leaves her a little dejected, fearful, worried, but idol life isn’t something she minds doing anyway. part of her still wants to strive for more attention, and claw her way there, because she aches terribly to feel special and different, and to a degree, idol life will always give that to her

personality

the archetype of the kid in middle school who calls themselves L and only draws in anime style and comes to school in cosplay and naruto runs around and randomly speaks japanese........ yeah, that was kiana as a kid

and really, she’s only let the problematic parts of it go. she’s still a big fat weeb (& has lots of other fandom type interests too)

an internet kid, someone who never got a big following. draws fanart, has written fanfiction, engages on fan forums. stays at home unless she’s dragged out by friends

she’s a very Normal, Everyday type person in most ways, and that bugs her to no end

she’s someone who as a kid thought she had superpowers, like full on believed it, and to this day still thinks well maybe it’s just not kicked in yet

considers herself ~an empath~ because she naturally has very strong emotions, and seeing or “feeling” the emotions of others makes her feel that way too. that includes positive And negative emotions

she can and is wrong about what she “feels” from others, but the emotional effect on herself is still the same

and because that happens so much, kiana retreats into herself

she has a very small inner circle, and isn’t very interested in more than surface level relationships with most people because it’s exhausting to feel so much all of the time

that means usually, most people meeting her will meet someone who can be doin a little doodle, you’ll say hi, she’ll say hi back, then go right back to her doodle

she’s Nice and polite enough, but doesn’t take those first steps. some ppl might view her coldly bc of it

HOWEVA if someone were to bring up one of her ~special interests, she would come off like a completely different person

animated, kinda loud, won’t shut up. that’s more often the type of person her inner circle gets to see

she’s also a reversal of the hard shell soft inside trope, as a lot of her outward self and personality can seem soft, gentle, maybe even naive depending on someone’s view, but there is a core to her affection thats... dangerous

but i’ll leave that for the dms

and finally, here’s a phat list of personality traits that apply to kiana, depending on her relationships with who she’s talking to and how she’s feeling. yes some are complete opposites. see: gemini. if you wanna kno how to get a certain trait from her, i’ll be glad to explain

abnormal, apathetic, artistic, clingy, contradictory, dedicated, demure, disorganized, earnest, effeminate, emotional, empathetic, excitable, fanatical, guarded, hesitant, insecure, introverted, jealous, loyal, mercurial, modest, neat, needy, nervous, numb, obsessive, organized, overthinking, passionate, persevering, protective, quiet, romantic, scatterbrained, silly, stubborn, tactful, temperamental, vigilant, vivacious, volatile, wall flower, withdrawn

fun fax

claims her style inspiration is the 70s but really mixes in influences from ~the 40s to 80s

if she’s dressing herself, heavily prefers skirts and dresses over pants

doesn’t like being touched unless she’s really close with someone, then she likes a lot of it

plant mom. apartment basc a greenhouse

insists one day she will make her own jam but has yet to get around to it so she just has a bunch of jars in her apartment and uses them for plants and paper clip holders and the like

her fictional character romantic Type is the tsundere. is convinced fictional characters are the best dating partners

always wears glasses when at home, and a good amount of the time when not working in general

her mario kart main is link bc nostalgia and valuing a strong stat set that favors zoom zoom

the furthest she goes for environmental impact is always using a hydroflask

prefers having bangs and hair with a wave

always carries bandaids and bandages in her bag because she gets eczema patches when she’s stressed and it’s Embarrassing to her so she covers em up

[darlinvandijk]

Always been you

Concept: request where “Can you do an imagine where y/n and ruel are older and she decides she wants to go to college in LA ; they try the long distance relationship but it doesn’t work out bc she’s too busy with her studies meanwhile he becomes more popular and travels more often, but after 4 years she goes to one of his concerts and they reunite?”. Shoutout to my friend for giving me an idea to start this! Dm me and whatnot for a request!(really fucking long btw) Hope you enjoy :)

I sit by my phone frowning as I watch the FaceTime screen ring for a bit, before showing me that the call wasn’t answered. Looks like Ruel is busy, yet again. It’s not that I’m mad at him for not picking up, he has a job to do that takes up countless hours of his time, and I’m proud of the dedication he has when it comes to his career. I’m just upset that lately it seems like we never talk, he calls when I’m asleep or working, or I call when he’s asleep or working. It just seems like nothing is working for us, but I can’t not be with him, he’s my whole world. I finally clear my thoughts and stand up from my bed, making my way to my bathroom so I can have a relaxing shower, and hopefully come out to see a message from Ruel.

I make my way out of the bathroom in my favorite hoodie that I took from Ruel, jumping onto my bed to check my phone notifs, feeling my heart flutter at the text from “bubs <3”. I immediately click it, typing down a response as fast as I can, hoping he’s not busy or asleep yet. Luck is finally on my side when I get a response, mere seconds after I had sent mine.

Baby I’m so sorry, I would’ve answered but I was on stage

It’s okay bubs, how was the concert? I know how much you love Amsterdam :)

It was amazing! They were so into everything and I swear they knew lyrics to unreleased songs which was kinda wild.. wish u were here tho

I’m happy for you baby!! You know how your fans are, they find everything out lmao

Are you okay? You kinda ignored the last thing I said

I’m okay, sorry I just didn’t want to reply to it and get all emotional on you lol

I let out a shaky breath when I hit send, already feeling my built up emotions get ready to spill over, I just miss him so much. I see him typing for a couple of seconds, before the little bubble disappears, instantly replaced by my screen lighting up with an incoming FaceTime call. I hesitantly answer, making sure the hood on Ruels hoodie is covering my face a little, knowing it’s already getting splotchy from being so emotional. I watch as the screen lights up, with my beautiful boyfriend laying on his bed in the back of the bus, staring at me silently.

“Hey love, wanna remove that hood for me? I want to see that beautiful face of yours-” he quietly whispers out, not wanting to overwhelm me. He can read me like a book, which is how he can always tell when something’s wrong. I let out a quiet sigh, pulling the hood back, looking away from the phone so that I don’t have to see the look on his face. I hear him sigh out once he takes in my under eye bags, splotchy red face, and shiny eyes. He takes in a deep breath before asking the question he didn’t want to ask, “is this because of me?” He whispers out, his voice breaking with emotion. I stare at him with wide eyes, shocked by the question, and also unsure on how to reply to it.

“No! You didn’t do anything wrong, I’m just a little touchy today.” I instantly blurt out, not wanting him to feel bad, because I already know he’s thinking about all the missed calls we’ve had. More than we could count just this week. He watches me, giving me an unconvinced look, running a hand roughly through his hair. We’re both silent for a little bit, trying to figure out what was so different about this phone call compared to others, because this tension floating through the air has never happened before, I’m more unnerved than I’ve ever been with him.

“I know that’s not true. I know it’s getting to you, all the missed calls and late replies. It’s getting to me too. I just don’t know how to fix it baby, but trust me when I say I’m trying to.” He whimpers out, causing my eyes to water even more at his obvious distress. I send him a watery smile and place a kiss to my promise ring, watching as he sends me a small smile while placing a kiss to the necklace he wears for me. It’s a silver pendant with my first initial, he got it the same time he gave me this ring, which was over a year ago on our second anniversary together.

“I love you, even if things have been a little difficult lately. School has just been taking up so much of my time lately and it’s hard to find times to talk when you’re in a whole other country. It’s not your fault and it’s not mine, life just has a crazy way of handling things I guess” I mumble out, watching him nod his head, reaching a hand up to wipe his eyes of the unwanted tears. I wipe my eyes with the sleeves of his hoodie, only to look back at the screen, seeing him with a completely shattered expression. I freeze and practically stop breathing, scared of what he was about to say to me. A choked sob escapes him, tears making their way down his face as he holds onto the pendant dangling in front of his chest.

“You know I love you, right? You’re my whole world, my soulmate, my everything. I wouldn’t do anything if I didn’t think it’d benefit you.” He chokes out, his eyes blurry with tears as I stare at him with my own tears pouring down my face. I’m instantly filled with fear when I see the way he’s acting, because he’s never like this, which means whatever it about to happen is going to hurt me the same way it’s hurting him. I breathe in shakily, spinning the promise ring around my finger, giving him a small nod before getting the courage to talk.

“I know you do, I love you too. We’ve always been soulmates and always will be. You’re it for me, there will never be anyone else.” I cry out, feeling like I’m saying a goodbye rather than reassuring him. He nods his head frantically, showing me that he agrees with my statement completely. I watch him open his mouth to speak, before another cry rips out from his throat, one that sounds completely and utterly heartbroken. I immediately wince upon hearing it, feeling my heart spike as I realize what he was leading up to, as I realize the what he’s about to do for the both of us. I’m unable to open my mouth to talk, completely losing my mind as I sob and shake my head no, hoping it’s enough to stop him before he says it. It didn’t work.

“I love you. I love you so much that I’m doing this for you, I’m doing it for the both of us. I’m breaking up with you, I’m so sorry baby.” He sobs out, feeling like he lost the one thing that ever truly mattered to him. The one thing that he’d give his career up for. I sit there completely frozen, unable to comprehend the words that just came out of his mouth, before my body shakes with the sobs I let out. I feel my chest physically ache like someone tried to rip my heart out, instantly reaching my hands up to hold my chest in hopes of easing the pain. I knew that heartbreak sucked, I just never knew how much it’d actually hurt.

“Please.. please don’t do this. I love you Ruel. I need you.” I cry out, my voice sounding so unattached from me, that I barely even register the words coming out. He watches me as tears and sobs shake his body, taking in everything about me for what he knows will be the last time for awhile. I watch the way his red rimmed green eyes flit over me through the screen, drinking me in with all that he can. Not even realizing my eyes are doing the same through their teary filled gaze.

“I love you baby, I love you with all I’ve got. I’m doing this for you, you need to focus on school and working for everything you’ve ever dreamed of. I don’t want you to miss out on living your life over there just because I can’t be with you. I’m only getting in the way of that, which means I need to let you go.” He whispers out, our tears having finally been drained from our bodies, leaving us in a broken silence. I don’t reply for a second, only hearing the shaky breathing we’re both releasing, before I come to terms with the fact that he won’t change his mind about this.

“I love you too. Promise you won’t forget about me? No matter what happens, you can’t forget about me-“ I whisper out, watching the pained look on his face when my voice cracks. He gives me a shaky smile, his eyes filled with disbelief at my question. He opens his mouth to respond, but I beat him to it, not fully done with my requests. “and I’ll always be your best friend right? Like you’ll like all my insta posts still and you’ll always tell me happy birthday?” I whimper out, knowing that the requests might sound dumb, but he’ll understand what I mean. He gives me the same boyish grin I fell in love with, a few stray tears making their way down his puffy face.

“Baby I could never forget about you, you’re my whole world. You’ll be my best friend till the day I die, I’ll like all your posts as soon as you post them, since I have notifs for you, and I’ll tell you happy birthday at 12 like I do every time. I promise with everything inside of me.” He states, trying to make his voice as strong as possible, but still not being able to fully hide the tremors that shake his voice. I give him a smile, knowing how terrible I must look right now, but not caring as I gaze at the beautiful boy who will always hold my heart in his hands.

“One last thing... promise you’ll love me forever?” I choke out, feeling the way the call was on its way towards ending, wanting to hold on to any last bit of him for as long as I could. He lets out a exasperated scoff at my question, not even knowing where to start with it.

“I’ll love you till the day I die and even after that. Our love is eternal sweetheart, no matter what we’ll always make our way back to each other. I promise.” He states with so much conviction, leaving no room to even question him. I nod my head and watch him, feeling my heart break all over again as I realize it’s time to say goodbye. It’s time to say goodbye to the love of my life. To my best friend. We spend a few minutes staring at each other, not wanting to deal with the inevitable outcome of ending this call.

“This isn’t a goodbye, it’s just a see you later, okay? We’ll be together again, but not till the times right for us. I’m not giving up on you. I love you.” He breathily lets out, staring into my eyes with nothing but pure love in his eyes. I whimper as he finishes his sentence, feeling my heart officially tear into two, knowing this was it. I wipe my eyes hastily, not wanting to miss the last seconds I have with him, wanting to look at him one last time before we end this call.

“I won’t give up on you either, I’ll see you later. I love you.” I whisper out, watching the way he looks me over one final time. We send each other heartbroken smiles as I kiss my ring and he kisses his necklace, neither of us knowing when we’ll be together again. He gives me a small wave while blowing a tiny kiss to the screen before the call disconnects, leaving me completely shattered. 

———

Days seemed to pass by slower than ever, all filled with endless calls from the Van Dijk family, excluding the one person I wanted to call me the most. The breakup hurt their family almost as much as it hurt me, endless amounts of tears over FaceTime calls as the girls and Kate called me, not believing that we would ever break up. The moment they saw my puffy eyes and tear streaked face I could almost hear their hearts break, but slowly time seemed to heal my wounds. I wouldn’t say fully healed even if it’s been 2 years, but healed enough to where I can look at pictures of us without it ripping my heart out. This morning when I woke up, I saw that he had sent me a birthday message at 12, just like he always does and promised to continue doing so, leaving me a teary eyed mess from missing him.

Today I was meeting up with Coco and Sylvie for my birthday brunch, since the two flew down to Los Angeles to spend some time with me during my college holiday break. I stood in front of my mirror, putting on my final touches of makeup, and adjusting my clothes. Once I felt ready to leave, I walk out of my apartment and head down the street, to the small pastry shop the girls wanted to meet at.

As I walk in, I feel my stomach fill with excitement, ready to see the two girls who I love more than myself. Before I can even spot them, I hear Coco shriek, immediately running to pull me into a bone crushing hug. As soon as she lets me go so that I can breathe, I end up pulled into another tight hug, watching her laugh as Sylvie practically strangled me. Sylvie pulls away and drags me to the table they have, having already ordered for all of us since they know my order by heart after being so close all these years. They cheer out their happy birthdays to me once we sit down, handing me the gifts they bought me before they both look at me from across the table, with matching grins but what appears to be a slight hesitant look in their eyes.

“Spill the tea, I can tell by the looks on your faces you have something to say” I laugh out, watching as Coco roll her eyes. I give them a reassuring smile, hoping to ease their nerves on whatever they have to say, but feeling a pit form in my stomach since I know it probably has to do with the person I still haven’t moved on from. Sylvie takes in a deep breathe, reaching out to grab my hand that’s on the table, giving it a light squeeze. I’m immediately on edge at her actions, my mind instantly jumping to the worst conclusions, the first one being that he got a new girlfriend. Let’s just say I was completely wrong with my assumptions.

“Have you moved on?” Sylvie blurts out, completely throwing me off, because they would be the first two to know if I ever did. I stare at them with wide eyes, not sure on how to reply to the question, because there’s obviously a reason they’d have brought that up. I open and close my mouth a few times as I try to come up with something to say. The looks on their faces become more uneased at my lack of a response, causing me to blurt our the last thing I’d want to say.

“How can I move on when I check your brothers insta at least once every hour?-” I spill out, watching their faces instantly switch to those of amusement. I let out a groan at my embarrassing confession, covering my face as it heats up, praying that the ground will just swallow me whole. I uncover my face so that I can try and salvage what’s left of my dignity, “what I meant was that I haven’t moved on to anyone else, like the first thing I did when I woke up was check to see if he sent me a message. Why would you think I did?” I question them. I watch as both sets of eyes travel to the neckline of shirt, before they slowly trail back to my eyes, both with perplexed expressions.

“It’s just that your necklace is off, like you haven’t taken that necklace off ever, but all of a sudden it’s not on you?” Coco slowly states, immediately causing my hand to fly up to my neck, feeling my shirt rather than the promise ring, meaning that my necklace was indeed missing from my body. I let out a groan as I realize I had left it in my bathroom, having had taken it off before my shower earlier, and not putting it back on when I left. The necklace only ever leaves my body when I shower, meaning that it’s permanent residence is right against my chest, the same place the promise ring has layer ever since our breakup.

“Fuck, I never put it back on after my shower. It’s on the counter of the bathroom, I must’ve forgot it since I was so excited about seeing you guys” I mumble out, feeling like I was missing part of me without the ring, especially on a day like today. The girls give me sympathetic looks, knowing how much it means to me, especially since it’s the only thing I have that really connects me to Ruel. The girls swiftly change the conversation and talk about some of the gossip going around, before deciding we should just head back to my place.

Once we get back to my place we all sit down on my couch, their eyes wandering around and checking out some of the new things I’ve added since the last time they visited, softly smiling as they see I still have pictures of Ruel and I around. Coco grabs a frame and sends me a sad smile, her eyes looking over the photo fondly, what just so happened to be my favorite picture of us. The picture is one of my fondest memories of when Ruel and I were still together, we were all hanging out together on the beach, and Sylvie had snapped a pic when we weren’t paying attention. Our skin was glowing in the orange light from the sunset while he looked down at me with a lovestruck grin and I was laughing at something Kate had said, as I lay sprawled across his lap. I don’t think I’d ever been happier than I was at that moment.

“I miss you guys being together, but I know you’ll find your ways back to each other. You have to” Coco whispers out, with teary eyes as she thinks about the pain Ruel and I had gone through with the breakup, and the pain she knows we’re still feeling without each other. Sylvie nods her head while humming in agreement with her sister, silently praying that things work out soon, knowing her brother hasn’t been the same since everything happened between us. I give them a small shrug, my own eyes tearing up, knowing what they want won’t happen anytime soon, and I was right.

———

“You have got to be fucking with me?” I groan out, having just listened to the plans Coco just dragged me into. I hear her let out a sigh of frustration, annoyed that her plan wasn’t working out the way she had hoped, and knowing she was silently cursing me in her head. I hear Sylvie mumbling something to her in the background, before hearing Kate and Michelle make noises of agreement. I instantly tense up once she starts talking again, knowing that there was no way out of these plans she had set up.

“You promised you’d see us all tonight since it’s been a few months, you can’t break a promise. Please I promise it’ll be fun, please?” She states out, her tone becoming slightly pleading towards the end. I let out a sigh, running a hand down my face as I think about what would happen if I went. Like she has to understand why I don’t want to go, this isn’t going to just affect only me. I hear silence on the other line, knowing they’re crowded around the phone, waiting for me to answer, I take a deep breath before speaking up.

“Guys this isn’t only going to affect me. We were supposed to all see each other, you never said it would be at a concert. Let alone at fucking Ruels concert. I don’t think I can” I mutter out, feeling my heart constrict at the thought of him. It might’ve been 4 years since the breakup, but that doesn’t mean my heart doesn’t still hurt when I think of him. We’ve talked since the breakup, but it’s only ever been for birthdays, some holidays, and random messages here and there to say we hope the other is doing well. All in all, we’ve basically not legitimately interacted since the breakup, because I don’t think either of us could ever be just friends with each other. Trying to be friends would only hurt us.

“Please, I wouldn’t have you go if I knew it would hurt him. I love you both too much to do something that could harm either of you, please just trust me on this. He’d want you there.” She softly states, knowing how sensitive this topic was becoming the more I thought of him. I let out a quiet groan, before quietly agreeing to go with them. I hear them let out cheers, all of them ecstatic at the fact that they were able to get me to agree to go. Completely oblivious to the plan they had made, the plan that I set into action by agreeing to go.

“Yes! See you soon babes, love you” Coco shrieks, barely letting me reply before hanging up. I sigh as I stare at my blank screen, fiddling with my ring as it lays against my chest, before heading to my room to get ready for the events taking place in a little bit. I start doing my hair, thinking about all the possibilities tonight holds, like the thought of being face to face with him seems unreal, I can only hope he doesn’t feel uncomfortable with me being there.

I hum along to my playlist as I move on to my makeup, before freezing as a familiar tune starts playing. I listen as the beginning of painkiller fills my room, the memories from when this song was first written coming to the front of my mind. He had been nervously watching me as I lay across his bed, before hesitantly speaking up to tell me he wrote me a song, and of course I eagerly told him to sing it. I remember when he first started, I was completely enamored by him, feeling my eyes well up as I listened to the lyrics. That day was the first time we had said I love you to each other, when we both truly realized how much we meant to each other. That song means more to me than anything else in the world, it’s not just the song that’s important to me, but the day that means everything to me.

I clear my throat, dabbing at my eyes to get rid of any unwanted moisture, as I finally come back to my senses when the song finishes. I let out a sigh, continuing on with my makeup, before finally finishing up. I check my phone and see that Coco will be getting me in 20 minutes to head out, instantly causing me to rush around to find an outfit. While he probably feels nothing for me after so much time, I still want to at least look decent when we cross paths again. I get my clothes on and look at myself in the mirror, before deciding it’s good enough. I head out of my apartment and walk out, instantly spotting Coco standing outside a car waiting for me. I run over to her, instantly embracing her in a tight hug, having missed her more than anything the past couple months it’s been since I saw her last.

“Ready for tonight?” She questions with a look in her eyes that I can’t decipher, but immediately puts me on edge. I narrow my eyes as I look at her, trying to gauge her emotions, because Coco isn’t Coco without some sort of insane plan. She stares at me with doe eyes, appearing completely innocent, while she waits for me to reply to her.

“I don’t know, it’s been 4 years Co. Like that’s a long time and I don’t want to burden him you know” I whisper out, glancing out the window while feeling insecure at the thought of him possibly not wanting to even see me. Coco rolls her eyes at the back of my head, knowing that Ruel is still just as in love with me as he was when we were still together. She puts her hand on my knee and lets me think for the remainder of the car ride, while she tries to hide the smirk on her face, knowing the plan she had was going to work out perfectly on the unsuspecting pair.

We pull into the venue, getting escorted through the back entrance by security guards so that the fans couldn’t see either of us. I’m thankful the fans couldn’t see us because of the fact that they’d recognize me immediately, and start rumors on social media, even though there have been plenty of them since we broke up. Especially since he still likes all my insta posts and comments on them every now and then, fueling the fans to believe that the breakup wasn’t real. The real fans know it was though, they could sense the instant change and shift in us, no matter how hard we tried to act happy and fine on our socials for them. Little did I know, Coco was happy the fans couldn’t see me since it would fuck up her plan, because Ruel would basically be instantly notified of my presence.

We walk through hallways backstage before Coco leads me into a small room, where I’m instantly pulled into hug by Kate. She rocks us side to side, holding me as tight as she can, while the girls stand around with teary eyes watching the interaction. We finally pull away from the hug, Kate putting her hand on my face as she watches me with a look of pure motherly adoration, instantly making my eyes water with emotion.

“My other baby is finally back” Kate whispers out, the grin never leaving her face, feeling complete that all her girls and her son were finally in one place again. Kate has always called me one of her baby’s or her daughter, because she said I was destined to be her daughter in-law so why not just start early. I let out a small laugh at the way Coco and Sylvie have their phones out to record, before walking over to give Sylvie a hug. We pull away and she compliments my outfit, before pushing me into the arms of Michelle. I let out a laugh as Michelle whispers that if I ever disappear for 4 years again, she’d kill Ruel and I for doing that to everyone again. We pull away from the hug and stand around conversing with each other about anything and everything, before the door opens and someone walks in.

“Oh you little fucking shit-” He laughs out as I turn my head, just to be pulled into a bone crushing hug by Nate. I laugh as he squeezes me, before letting me go to give me a stern look, causing me to smirk at him knowing he’s about to lecture me. I watch as he takes a deep breathe, getting mentally prepared for whatever he’s about to say, “you don’t understand the hell I had to deal with the past four years, I’ve almost strangled him a good couple of times. Does he know you’re here?” He groans out at first, before ending with an intrigued look. I shake my head at his question, causing him to look at the girls in surprise, completely unaware of the mission they were on. I see Michelle give him a look, causing him to smile and give her a slight nod, leaving me perpelexed on what everyone seemed to be planning.

“Well he’s doing soundcheck right now, so I got to go check on him, because I don’t trust him. Like I don’t care if he’s 21, he’s still not trustworthy enough to be alone without me” Nate groans with an eye roll, causing us all to laugh at the mischief Ruel causes, my heart clenching since it was one of the things I fell in love with about him. Nate sends me one last smile before heading out, leaving us in the room together yet again. I watch as Coco sends Kate a look, before turning to me with a blinding grin on her face. I instantly tense up knowing she has to be up to something, there’s no other reason she’d have a smile on her face like that.

“So Kate and Michelle have to go see Ruel to just to check in on him, Sylvie wants to go find a vending machine for something to drink, and I need to find a bathroom to fix my makeup in” she explains, watching the way my eyes wander over her flawless face, seeing no reason for her to fix the makeup. Before I can question her, I’m already being pulled out of the room, and down a series of hallways. She stops outside of a light brown door, throwing it open and pushing me inside with her. I try to look around to see what room we’re in, but Coco immediately starts talking, completely distracting me from even trying to look around.

“Can you help me fix my lipstick, I feel like it’s getting on my teeth, and check the lining of it please” she practically begs, causing me to nod my head with a laugh. She hands me a q-tip from the table next to her and I instantly get to work, completely transfixed on the task at hand. I wipe around the inner lining of her lips, making sure it’s still perfect but not too far back to get on her teeth, because who wants red stained teeth. Next I move on to the outline of her lips, lightly trying to straighten certain areas, praying I won’t drag it onto her foundation. As I’m fixing her lipstick, her phone buzzes, causing her to pull away from me abruptly. I let out a surprised gasp, instantly narrowing my eyes at the look on her face, since she seemed ready to combust.

“Wait right here, I have to go grab my lip liner, I forgot to put some on, and don’t want my lipstick to just disappear over the duration of tonight. Don’t move, I’ll be right back” she all but shrieks out, jogging out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her. I stand there watching the door, perplexed on what everyone seemed to be planning for me, before deciding to take a look around the room. I walk over to the desk, looking over some of the trinkets laying there, before the door is thrown open and someone’s shouting.

“Why are you shoving me in here? Coco don’t make me bite you lil bitch, Nate stop groping me for fucks sake” I hear an overly familiar Australian voice yell, watching the scuffling take place, before he finally gets shoved in and the door slams shut. I stand there frozen, comeplety in shock by the boy in front of me, my heart feeling like it might burst out of my chest. I stay silent as he bangs on the door, before spinning around with an eye roll when he realizes the doors blocked, only to freeze upon seeing me. We stay silent, both of us just staring at each other, taking in all the changes from growing up, and taking in all the familiar things we fell in love with about each other.

“It’s been a while, yeah?” He mumbles out, playing with his fingers anxiously. I lightly scuff my shoe on the ground, too nervous to make eye contact with him right now, especially when I know my feelings for him never went away. I nod my head and continue to stare at my shoes, before looking up when he moves to stand in front of me. We make direct eye contact when I look up, his green eyes filled with an emotion I couldn’t quite decipher, but felt oddly familiar.

“It’s been four really fucking long years, which means we got some catching up to do after this concert, but uh only if you want to. I would love it if you did” he questions, giving me a anxious smile, it slowly dropping when I hesitate to answer. As soon as I see his smile drop and his eyes dim, I immediately reach out and place my hand on his arm, watching the way his eyes widen at the contact.

“Yeah, I would really like that.” I softly state, watching him give me a boyish grin, instantly causing my face to heat up as I look away. Upon noticing my head turn away, he smirks at my blush and takes the opportunity to look at my outfit, his eyes instantly locking on the neckline of my top. I turn my head back to him to ask him a question, when I notice his eyes locked on my top, before I can ask what he’s looking at, he reaches a hand out. I freeze as his hand grabs on to my chain, sliding his fingers along it until the promise ring he gave me lands in his fingers. He twirls it around, completely entranced by it, and completely oblivious to how close we’d gotten to each other. I open my mouth to come up with an excuse as to why I’m wearing it, only to be left shocked when he gives me a teary grin, reaching underneath his own shirt, pulling out the pendant. I let out a quiet sob when I see the little silver pendant, only to be pulled straight into the arms of the boy I’ve loved my whole life. He holds me and rocks us back and forth, one hand pressed to the back of my head, the other wrapped around my shoulders.

“I kept all my promises. Told you I wasn’t going to give up on you.” He whispers in my ear as I hold him as tight as I can, never wanting to let him go. He pulls away from me and cups my cheek with his hand, before leaning down and pressing a light kiss to my forehead. He rests his forehead against mine for a few seconds, just taking in the moment while it lasts, before we’re both startled by the door flinging open. He immediately pushes me behind him, but the two had already seen all they needed to see.

“I KNEW IT WOULD WORK” Coco screeches, causing Nate to flinch as he stands with her, having came to collect Ruel since it was time to go on stage. Ruel rolls his eyes, but still has a lovesick smile on his face, before instinctively grabbing my hand and pulling me with him out the door. We walk hand in hand to where the stage is, hearing the thousands of fans out there screaming and chanting for him to come out, before coming to a stop next to the stairs for the stage. He looks at our hands before blushing and dropping them, leaving me there with a confused and slightly hurt expression. Upon seeing my face he instantly panics and starts rushing to explain himself.

“It’s not that I don’t want to hold your hand, I just don’t want to rush straight into things after a four year break. Trust me, it’s taking everything inside of me to not just jump back into how we used to be” he groans out, I laugh and grab his hand, really noticing how his hand still fits in mine perfectly. I get a little lost in thought, but come back when Ruel gives my hand a squeeze, just like what he would do back in the day.

“I get it, I want to rebuild everything too... I really missed you, like I never moved on from you.” I whisper out, before Ruel pulls me in, holding me tight against him. He places a light kiss on top of my head, before holding me for a little longer. Nate comes over and tells him he has about a minute until he needs to go up, causing him to groan, not wanting to leave me when he just got me back. I laugh and pull myself out of his arms, tilting my head up to look straight into his eyes.

“I never moved on from you either, I couldn’t. I told you we’d find the way when the time was right” he smirks out, causing me to roll my eyes, trust him to make a sweet situation cocky. He laughs at my attitude, before giving me one last squeeze, and holding his hand out. I look at it before sending him a giant smile, already knowing what he wanted to do. Neither of us noticed, but Michelle and everyone came to stand and watch, as Ruel and I did our pre-concert ritual. It was a handshake we had made as children, but kept adding on to the older we got. We finish it off, with the usual pinky promise, both of us kissing the opposite end, before he quickly kisses my cheek and bounds up the stairs. I stand there in shock, holding my blushing cheek, before turning my head to the girls who all hold knowing smirks.

“Looks like he added another thing to the ritual” Coco laughs out, causing me to roll my eyes, turning to watch Ruel from the side stage. He welcomes the crowd and starts to sing, the fans instantly singing every word, and watching him like he put the stars in the sky. After the first song, he turns to the band and asks them to pause really fast, making all of us confused, since this was not a planned break.

“I’m sorry if I’m a little jumpy today, or if I’m just a complete mess. I just got to reunite with the girl I’ve been in love with since I was a kid after four years apart, so yeah I am a mess-” he starts off, looking over to me with a large smile. I instantly blush and grin back at him, overwhelmed that he still feels the same way about me after all this time. The crowd starts screaming my name and chanting out the ship name they created for us way before we even got together, causing everyone to start laughing. Ruel glances over at me again as he starts talking, “I told you it wasn’t a goodbye, it was just a see you later. Even the fans knew I was never going to get over you, I honestly didn’t even want anyone else. It’s always been you.” He mumbles out. The fans instantly screaming as loud as they can, while I stand there in awe, tears streaming down my face. He jogs over and gives me a hug, before promising to spend all his time on catching up with me after the concert, leaving me there to sing my heart out to the songs that were written by the boy I love.

That night, I rekindled a love that was never lost, but rather put on hold. I know we said we’d take it a little slow, but that night I slept in the arms of the love of my life, feeling like I was whole again for the first time in years. I felt the overwhelming love I have for him completely fill me to the brim, because he’s not only my best friend, but he’s my soulmate. It’s always been him.

[thestarlightsymphony]

Do you by chance have like anything written or something like that for the character traits/personalities of everyone on the BeBop? You just write them all so accurately and I'd love to just study off you and I hope there would some way for you to share your knowledge, if not I completely understand. I've been writing my own fic and honestly it's like baby shit when compared to your accuracy!!

heart eyes motherfucker

You Have No Idea What That Means To Me Holy Shit. I would love to share my knowledge! But also, I will say: Every person’s interpretation of this crew will (and should!) be a little different! Something I identify in them may not be what you see or jive with, so take my words as one interpretation and not Bebop Gospel, as it were ;) 

Um??? Where do I start?? Well.... an easy one is I’ve rewatched Cowboy Bebop about a thousand times at this point and I’ve Taken Notes. Physical movements, identified particular wordings, focused on their actions and reactions to each other. I reference specific scenes a lot in Spike’s nightmares and internal exploration bc I really wanted to draw on the source material and have it be a literal Part of the story. I’d also really recommend looking up Session XX if you haven’t already; a hefty amount of Faye’s growth came from analyzing her sessions, but also seeing where she falls at the End of Cowboy Bebop vs. where she is during Session XX (which is arguably halfway through the show).

Next, and I’m fighting the instinct to be embarrassed by this, but I did a personality analysis using the Enneagram (kinda like the myers briggs but with fewer, more articulate options imo). My roommate’s hella into it and we’ve spent Hours talking about their personalities and lemme just say holy Shit I am convinced of several things:

Spike is an 8 wing 7 (impulsive, control-oriented, deflects, speaks with his actions, passionate, has a hard time being vulnerable especially emotionally, craves autonomy).

Faye is a 7 wing 8 (spontaneous, material, pleasure oriented/ indulgent, avoids negative feelings, self-reliant, craves independence).

They compliment each other. But they also have a high potential of clashing. I don’t use the enneagram as like a “this is the only inspiration for scenes i get” but it HAS helped me when i’ve been like “fuck how WOULD they respond? what makes the most logical sense?”

Bonus: Jet’s a 1 and Ed’s a 3 (i think). Ed’s harder to pin down bc she’s a kid, and I haven’t done as much exploring with them, but I think I’m still pretty good on those lines.

The hardest part of writing Bebop past Real Folk Blues is that the majority of the content we have for them is a lot of the growth happens at the Very End of the series. I’ve struggled with Faye bc most of her life we see on screen is about Running, and Keeping Moving and being so fucking mad that she has no past; when she finally remembers that past, it’s lost its weight, and then when she realizes she has a home, THAT gets broken, too. The last shots we have of Faye, she’s crying, heartbroken and angry and (in my interpretation) hella confused. I’ve struggled with Spike bc in the end, it’s hard to fathom what he’d be like after losing two of the largest reasons for being alive. In those last scenes with Jet and Faye, is he numb? Decisive? Did he already die with Julia, or is he genuinely just going to end it with Vicious and then see where/ if the world turns afterwards?

Who’s to say, either way?

You, the writer. A lot of my stuff has been written on instinct, with a goal in mind. The closer I got to the characters, the further the goal got, bc I realized in order to write the characters, you have to respect them. Which is a weird way to say it, but like.... It’s the best way I can describe it. You have to accept their faults and strengths; stubbornness is cute to play with, but it can also be an incredible source of conflict. Oh sidebar, every single fucking memory of the Bebop is stubborn. Opinion or fact? Yes.

I could go on for days. I definitely should, maybe I’ll make character analysis posts if people are interested, idk ;) 

Most importantly though (and this is gonna be just straight up writing advice): don’t be so hard on yourself. Blah blah blah, you’re your own worst critic, I’m sure you’ve heard that before, but it’s so true. 

Those first fifteen chapters or so, I’ve reread through for details and to get a hold one where I want to go, and I BIG cringe at them. I had no sense of timelines and my heart just wanted them to Get the Damn Together Already, but once I got a better sense of who they were, the rhythm and motion of their push and pull became so much more natural and something I’m more proud of. 

You’ll get better at writing the more you write. I just spent the past two months of my life working on this project, and I’m fucking Excited to keep going. How?? How did this happen??? I just wanted Spike and Faye to make out?!?!

Listen. Listen well. Trust your instincts. If something feels off but you still want to explore an idea, don’t dump the whole chapter, just put it to the side and write again. I’ve written multiple chapters that way: I started writing, it felt off, so I KEPT the chapter, but I reworked the order, or took lines and mashed them in a way that changed the meaning. Writing is a process.

Second, write what you want to write. What you want to read. I’d defo recommend reading a bunch of different fics, see how other writers interpret the characters and such, but don’t let them (or me!) influence solely how you write the crew. Find your own voice in this world. Rewatch Bebop and take directly from the source material if you have to; break it down and ask the question “why did they use that Exact word? Why did they make That choice?” and then answer it in a way that feels honest to You.

Hope any of this helps! (P.S. if you are so inclined, dm the the title of your fic and i’ll try to take a gander!)

[skold]

do all of them 👀 (the love ask)

GOD okay fine but only cuz i’m a lovesick heartbroken cancer venus

throwing it under a read more for length and i removed the questions i already answered

1. What do you search for in a partner?

emotional capacity/caring. interest in spooky things so we actually have shit in common. physical touch love language kinda energy. preferably also queer. says fuck gender roles. leftist.

3. What do you like about relationships?

god not to be such a cancer venus but literally everything

4. Do you get jealous easily?

kind of?? only in ceertain contexts. like if i’m in a d/s dynamic with somebody and it’s not romantic or exclusive then i might be low key jealous of their other partners but not to an extent where it’d ever be a thing. if it’s an exclusive kinda thing i’m pretty touchy about my s/o flirting with other people cuz of my own insecurities.

5. Have you ever had a jealous partner?

my ex bf wasn’t jealous so much as he was possessive. which was fine with me i don’t mind that

7. Where is the worst place to go for a date?

this might be an unpopular opinion BUT clubs/shows..... if i can’t talk to them what’s the point

8. What is the best thing to do on date?

taaaaalk i just want to talk to my person okay

9. Describe the worst date you’ve ever been on.

i went to the orange county fair with my ex gf once which like, it was alright, but it was fuckin hot and it was my last day in LA with her so we were both kinda sad and my dad also kinda ruined it by getting mad at me for how i spent the spending money he gave me to do whatever i want with lmao

10. Which is more attractive: a naturally attractive person or a person who puts in the effort to be attractive?

i have always said that anybody can be super hot if they style themselves in a way i’m into y’know. i mean. look at most of the band guys i’m into lmao most of them aren’t naturally that conventionally attractive or are downright weird looking

11. What is the best gift you have ever received for Valentine’s day?

i don’t remember if i ever got a valentine’s day gift??

13. When was the last time you got angry at someone you loved?

bro i get mad at my stepdad every fuckin day lmao

14. When was the last time someone you loved made you sad?

i am constantly fucking sad lmao but earlier this month i found out some of my friends organized something and didn’t invite me and that really bummed me the fuck out

15. When is it okay to be impulsive in a relationship?

i really don’t think impulsivity is necessarily a bad thing

16. What is the best way to break up with someone?

i mean. in person obviously. but if you’re long distance you should probably at least call the person lmao

17. What is the best way to ask someone out?

casually tbh pls don’t make it a Thing

18. Have you ever been asked to homecoming or prom? What was it like?

no lmao i was diagnosed with ugly fat and weird in high school so nobody ever was into me

19. Do you like planning dates or do you just go with the flow?

both are good!! like i like to have a Thing to do but then we can just vibe afterwards y’know

20. Do you believe you are high maintenance? If not, why not?

i probably am but only because of the trauma/mental illness cuz i need so much reassurance and comforting and i have a lot of weird hangups

21. Which is better: a lover who cares too much or a lover that cares too little?

imo there’s no such thing as a lover that cares too much?

22. Do you believe playing hard to get is necessary?

no lmao it’s fucking stupid. just level with me

23. Which of these do you prefer: an assertive partner or a submissive partner?

give me outgoing assertive in the streets and subby slutty in the sheets y’know

24. Does true love exist? Can you love someone fully despite all of his/her flaws?

yes!!!! i refuse to believe that it doesn’t

25. Are your standards “too high?”

i?? don’t know??? i don’t think it’s unreasonable to want a spooky leftist as the minimum requirements lmao

26. Have you ever fallen in love?

unfortunately..................

27. Is there an ideal age for marriage? What is it, if there is?

nah

28. What are your thoughts on arranged marriages?

[cancer venus noises] marriage should be for LOVE or for scamming the government

29. When was the last time you got rejected by someone you liked?

i don’t remember cuz i never shoot my shot lmao. probably when somebody ignored a tinder dm or something

30. When was the last time you rejected someone who liked you?

middle school?? i think??

31. Have you ever been cheated on?

no

32. Have you ever cheated on someone?

no

33. What are your thoughts on sex before marriage?

i do not care what other people choose to do with their bodies lmao

34. Do you know the difference between asexuality and demisexuality?

i mean i THINK so

35. What is the best relationship advice you have ever been given?

i honestly can’t think of anything lmao

36. Are you a heartbreaker or the heartbroken?

perma heartbroken

37. Can you love someone without knowing anything about his/her past?

i think so but like to truly love someone fully then no i think u do need to know someone’s past

38. Is the phrase “I love you” used too loosely? When should it be used?

i think as long as u mean it u should say that shit!! even if it���s platonic love or familial love y’know

39. When was the last time you said “I love you” to someone?

to my mom a couple hours ago when she went to bed

40. Are you the person who says “I love you” first or the type to wait for your significant other to say it?

i’m the one who says it first lmao

41. Have you met your significant other? If not, where do you think you will meet your significant other?

i’m single as fuck and i mean. probably on the internet cuz my person sure as shit don’t live in this horrible place lmao

42. Imagine if the people you knew in real life were the only people you could marry. Could you be satisfied marrying any of these people?

i would be happy to enter a scam marriage with any of my irl friends

43. Do you give second chances?

i be giving people infinite chances cuz i’m a fuckin clown

44. Have you ever been given a second chance?

more so as friends. my first ex gf and i broke up and we kinda tried the dating thing again but scrapped it cuz we just weren’t vibing but we’re still rly good friends

[nyctophilin]

Hi babe, I just saw the letter and I want to start by apologizing for leaving, ik you'll tell me that I don't have to do it, but I should, it was dumb, I was convinced that I was burdening people and I'd rather walk out myself than stay. Then, came the Woo** news and I was heartbroken, but u kept me going, u supported the girl and I felt like I stanned the right person lmao, also ur story tugged my heartstrings, the way u wrote was so captivating and after seeing ur ask about wanting a gf

I simply had to reply, I never thought I'd reveal my identity as an anon but for some reason, I felt like I had to tell u just how much it meant to see u standing up for the victim. I was scared that you'd be annoyed, but your reply made me feel assured,like I was heard and ik I get awkward sometimes but u always make it better. Ngl when u followed me, I fangirled and my sister said,“Is it the girlfriend again?”. I'm so so glad to know u n I love you so so much, I really do. -🌼

Well, you are damn right, I'm going to tell you not to apologise for leaving. Life happens and if you needed a break that's totally understandable. Also, know that you weren't a burden for anyone!🥺 I absolutely loved talking to you!~

And the Woo*** situation. Well, I don't want to get into details but just know that I'll always side with a victim that might be lying rather than a possible offender. I'm glad I could be there for you on that period, even just this little.

Also, I don't think my stories are that good but I'm happy you like them! And I'm happy that you answered to my girlfriend post, uwu. You are the best I could ask for.💛 I literally teared up when you left, there was no way in heaven I would have gotten annoyed by your DM. I was in fact sooo happy. Heh, I was checking every few minutes to see if you answered me.👉👈

I wanted to follow you sooner but I forgot. I usually go on a following spree. I don't follow anyone for a few weeks and then I follow 50 people in the same day, lmao. But it's so cute that you fangirled!☺️ Also, you told your sister about me?🥺 That's so adorable!!💖💓💕

I'm glad I know you as well! Love you lots!!☺️💓💖

[billyspotato]

Impossible - Jeff Wittek

Words: 1.727 words

Type: A little Angst and Fluff

Summary: You and Jeff got into an argument and he stormed off your apartment. Next day, you see him in David’s vlog going on a date with a girl (Vlog:  HIS FIRST DATE WAS RUINED!! (HIDDEN CAMERA)) and you get scared thinking that you guys actually broke up and he’s already moving on.

Warning: There’s cursing in this story. English is not my first language.

A/N: Gif’s mine :)

You and your boyfriend of 2 years, Jeff, had a huge argument yesterday and he left your apartment after that. It’s been almost 24 hours and he hasn’t come back yet.

You know that Jeff went to David’s house because Jason texted you back right away when you noticed that Jeff didn’t come back when you woke up.

You sit on your couch with a plate of food on your hand and you eat while watching videos on YouTube.

After you were done with your food, you got a notification from David’s new Vlog of today.

You read the title and it’s: ‘HIS FIRST DATE WAS RUINED!! (HIDDEN CAMERA)’. You smile once you see Mike with a girl on the thumbnail and click on it.

The literal first seconds, it’s your boyfriend, who stormed off your apartment last night, with exact same clothes that he was using when he came over, making a joke with David.

You lean back on the couch and ignore it, smiling at the other scenes of the Vlog and even laugh at some bits, especially the bit with Jason’s mom and the funeral home.

How can someone not love this woman?

“Mike, you say: It’s not about looks, it’s about personality” David says and you can see your boyfriend once again on corner of the screen.

“That’s correct, yes” Mike agrees.

“So we’re going to put that to the test” David says, “We’re going to do a Tinder profile for Mike but use Jeff’s pictures. So when Mike meets up with his date and he doesn’t look anything like his profile, he’ll have to use that charming personality to win her over”

You sigh at the information but continue watching.

“We’ll set up two or three dates for tonight” David says.

“For tonight?” Mike asks in disbelief and David agrees.

“Can you get dates that quick on Tinder?” Jeff asks and your heart still aches from the words that you yelled at each other yesterday afternoon.

Your mind thrifts off and you start remembering the argument, what made the argument start, what you yelled at him and what he yelled at you. But you come back to reality when Mike gets in the ice cream shop with his date and David starts questioning the people in the car aka Jason and Jeff, if they’re missing something and if Mike actually looks like Jeff.

“After ten minutes, I brought in the real Jeff. I asked her if she preferred to continue the date with Mike or start over with Jeff.” David narrates over the footage and you start feeling your blood boiling, “She chose Jeff”

“That sucks! I like her a lot, dude” Mike says and you sigh in frustration.

You were right here, in the apartment waiting for him to come back at any second during the night, while he was in a date with a girl from a bit?

“Wow, he’s making her laugh a lot, right now” David says.

“Yeah, he’s a fucking idiot” Mike says looking out of the window of the car.

‘That he fucking is’ You thought to yourself.

Mike talks for a few more seconds but you didn’t care to listen until Jeff appeared again on the screen.

“She picked you, she liked you more” David says and Jeff agrees.

“Yeah, sorry bro” Jeff says.

“She didn’t like you more, she just wanted to be fair and give you a chance” Mike defends.

“Jeff walked her home” David intervenes, making Mike show a confused face.

“Did you hit your head?” Jason asks and everyone laughs.

Everyone, but you. You don’t know what to do and how to react. Is he even your boyfriend anymore? Did you guys break up last night and you didn’t even notice? Should you be angry at him or sad at this?

You close your lap top and look at the walls of your apartment.

When you started the video, all you felt was anger, now all you feel is sadness and betrayal.

You decide to facetime your best friend, Natalie. 

After some rings, she picked up and her face appears.

“Hey, what’s up?” She asks and you sigh.

“Have you seen David’s vlog?” You ask, scared of starting to cry.

“Not yet, why?” She asks worried.

“Jeff and I had an argument yesterday and he didn’t come back yet. Now on David’s vlog, he’s in a date with a girl.” You explain everything and Natalie changes locations, from what it looks from the hallway to her bedroom, “I don’t know even if we’re still dating or not. And if he says we are, than why the fuck did he go to the date?”

“He didn’t even tells us that you guys had an argument yesterday” Natalie tells you while walking to her bedroom, “He’s in the living room right now, I can hear him from here”

“I don’t know what to do, Natalie” You say feeling your eyes watering.

“Me neither. I really want to help you but I don’t know…”She says and you guys stay silent for a bit. “I can tell him to go talk to you or something” She tells you.

“I don’t want you to get involved in our problems, though” You tell her and taking a deep breath, “Thank you anyways”

“What are you going to do?” Natalie asks you.

“I’ll try to call him” You say, feeling nervous already.

“Alright, I’ll text you what he tells us before and after he picks up”

“Thank you”

The facetime call ends and before you could think twice, you tap on Jeff’s contact. It rings for a few seconds and you hear his voice.

“Yeah?”

“Can you come over?” You ask quickly trying not to show emotions, “Just for a few minutes”

“Yeah, I’m on my way” He says and call ends.

You stay silent and lay down on your couch, thinking of possibilities that this conversation lead to.

Natalie texted you seconds later: “He looked at his phone and picked up right away, and then he literally ran out of the house”

What if he actually wants this to put an end to this relationship? You love him so much but he was in a date with someone else while you waited for him.

Before you could think any further than this, there’s a knock on the door.

You open the front door of your apartment and Jeff stands behind it, you let him in and close the door.

“What’s up?” He asks while walking to your couch, like nothing ever happened.

“Are we still together?” You ask quickly and he turns around to look at you before he could sit down.

You feel your heart breaking with every step you took in his direction following him to the couch. There was no anger left in you now, you just felt heartbroken and you needed an explanation, even if that means that you’ll cry your eyes out in front of him.

“I… I don’t know… Are we?” Jeff asks and you feel your eyes watering and he notices, “Whoa, why are you crying?”

“You don’t like me anymore, do you?” You ask him and he holds your face with his hands.

“Of course, I do. I love you, Y/N. What are you talking about?” Jeff asks you.

“You left yesterday and went on a date with that girl” You say trying not to let the tears fall and he kisses your forehead.

“You saw David’s vlog?” Jeff asks you and you nod grabbing his wrists, “I only did it for the bit, baby”

“You didn’t even care to come back here, Jeff” You say not believing him.

“I know, baby. I just wanted you to not hate me before I came back. And about the date, you can ask Mike for her Instagram and DM her. I told her that I have a girlfriend and she was cool with it, you can ask her and make sure.” Jeff says while letting go of your face and grabbing his phone.

He’s so nervous, yesterday he made sure that the girl knew that he’s dating someone that he loves very much and the date was just for the video. He can’t make you believe that he cheated on you after a simple argument.

Right in front of you, he opened Mike’s Instagram profile and searched for a girl’s name on his ‘following’ profiles.

“Here’s her profile, DM her” Jeff says grabbing your phone and giving it to you.

“Jeff” You say placing your phone back on the coffee table. “I believe you, okay?”

“I just don’t want you to think that I cheated on you” Jeff tells you and you grab one of his hands.

“I believe you” You tell him and he locks his phone, “I don’t need a DM for that. I just need you to promise me that you’re telling the truth”

“I promise” Jeff says and you nod, “I promise on everything that I love”

You give him a small smile and you kiss his cheek.

“I would never do that to you, ever” Jeff continues, “I don’t care if we had broken u, yesterday. I would never go out with another girl after I told you that I love you so many times”

“I was so pissed when I saw the vlog, I even called Natalie before calling you. I just needed someone to tell me what to do.” You tell him trying to lighten the mood and he gives you a small smile.

“I didn’t even tell them anything about what happened because I always come back to your apartment after every argument and they always make fun of me because of it” Jeff jokes back and you smile at him.

“I’m sorry for doubting you and for what I told you yesterday” You apologize pulling him in a hug.

“I’m sorry too, I’ll never mean things like what I said. I love you too much” Jeff tells you and you smile at him.

“I love you more” You say before pulling him closer to you to kiss.

Your lips collide and move slowly against each other, his arms go around your waist pulling you closer to him and not letting a millimeter in between you two.

“Impossible” He whispers on your lips once the two of you pulled away from the kiss.

- - - - - -

🌸✨Sorry, but I’m not writing in this account anymore. Go check out my new one @twinklelilstarkey✨🌸

[lucefrs]

[ snoop dogg vc ] greetings loved ones ! yes im referencing songs from 2010 , if u see me having a mental breakdown about 2020 marking the end of the decade it’s fine jus look the other way x anyways , hi hey i’m tasha and i’m v excited to be here ! lit rally trying to think of a fun fact abt myself , but my brains rly like no thoughts head empty .. but uk who cld tell u a lot of facts abt themselves ? my bb luce ! amazing segway ik .. without further ado ...

⌠ ALANA CHAMPION, 21, CIS FEMALE, SHE/HER ⌡ welcome to gallagher academy, LUCIE ‘LUCE’ FREAR! originally hailing from BELFAST, IRELAND, they were exposed to too much during the protest, and the academy is now in charge of their safe care. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of wrinkled charity shop tees adorning bands she’s never heard of, a rushed manicure on calloused fingers and a wash of mottled purple hues under her eyes. when it’s the aries’s birthday on 4/3/1998, on the bad nights they request their FRIES WITH EXTRA SALT from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re safe in witness protection.

backstory .

lucie was born in northern ireland to a middle-class family , very involved in one another’s lives ! growing up she was engrossed in american culture , through music mostly .. through bruce springsteen mostly .. but also all the super-american teen tv like 90210, the oc, gossip girl etc ... 

thus, she was pretty dead set on moving to america asap , because rationale ? realistic expectation ? she has none of that . zero , zilch . she’s always been pretty fiercely independent , making her way and winding up in sticky situations more often than not , but that’s also kind of the way she was raised , a v much drifting in n out one another’s lives , running into ur pop at the pub , deep chats at 2am when ma’s up knitting for wtvr reason and she comes stumbling in red-eyed n heartbroken by another guy in a shitty indie band . 

so while there were def tears shed when her family saw her off at the airport , they were emotionally supportive , even if they cldn’t be financially supportive n that honestly still means the world 2 her . she misses them a lot , cries abt it sometimes rip . how did she have the money to hop the pond ? well . she didn’t .. she’d saved enough ( odd jobs here ‘n there ) for the plane ticket , n bnbs for a couple of months n figured she’d wing the rest of it , had no plans of going to college 

her inability to hold a job made her reconsider , she spent way 2 much time talking to the customers , or going off with them which wld always lead to a spat w/ her superiors , probably always in the wrong , but that wouldn’t stop her from parting w/ some poorly constructed rant abt how capitalism was ruining everything , def the type of gurl to get whatever she knows abt marx from tumblr dfghjk

uk when walter white calls jesse and asks if he has plans and he’s like yeah ... and then walt roasts him n says eating cheetos watching porn and masturbating does not count as plans .. a direct @ at miss luce . but in the midst of that n endless swiping on tinder n seeking arrangements , she gets a sugar daddy . iconic , her mind . uses the pleading eyes emoji like pay for my tuition pwease n thats how she ends up at georgetown 

she gives school her best effort but she can’t commit 2 shit , so she’s kinda just vibing there , skipping classes whenever , going to all these events n eventually winds up befriending a lot of the protesters , b/c she sees the passion n purpose they have n is just kinda hoping some of it will rub off on her . a bit broken up abt the deaths , but also feels like a fraud b/c she was just there , n all the protesters r like in it in it , n she’s somehow got them to believe she’s in it in it too n she wants to be but also like , she just wants to be the lead in an all girls folk-rock-synth band so . has never dealt with death in any capacity so she’s a bit like .. how does one compute this

personality & physicality . 

she's an aries sun , libra moon which is literally described as ‘ rebellious without a cause ‘ and i’d say that sums her up p well . her passion is intense as heck but short lived , she’s flighty and fidgety .

however, she’s super amiable , will talk with anyone . doesn’t rly shut up tbh . n therefore , makes friends pretty easily n is as much as a survival tool as it is just a positive trait to have .

definitely a go big or go home person . w/ everything includin lov , falls in love 456784 times a day , hozier’s someone new is her anthem . she tends to wring ppl a lil bit dry too fast too soon , comes on too strong , falls too fast n hits the ground equally as hard , then does it all again . a vicious cycle tbh .

plays guitar n writes songs , sings at local open mics . has great stage presence but always gets on stage when she’s had one too many , while leaves her ad-libbing half the songs she’s singing n sometimes crying , n saying fuck u to her old bosses and old flames ( one in the same ? / who knowz ) .

kinda feral sometimes , shld probably brush her hair more often . always wearing last night’s make up , never dresses boring  thinks of it as a cardinal sin to dress boring . looks at this lil gallagher stint as an adventure .. miss has a big storm coming

 *wipes sweat from my brow like spongebob* why do i feel like i’ve written so much and yet none of it is of substance .. a nightmare , it’s rl and im living it . but ! pls pls pls feel free to slide into my dms or discord and plot , i’m truly up for anything luce’s great in the way that she’s practically a blank canvas for anything so ! i look forward to plotting with y’all <3

[pinkevilbobdoesthings]

So this is for the prompt Healing .This might be a bit loose of a use of the prompt, but eh.

Here’s “The Adventure Begins”.

_________________________

Caleb had never really given the days of the week much thought. They would come and things would happen, so why have a favorite? None of them had ever stood out to him as special. At least, that was before he started dming for his friends. Now he had to say that Thursdays were the best day of the week.

The group had only been playing together for a couple of months, but Caleb was already finding himself getting really into it. Now most of his free time was spent imagining new scenarios for his players, The Strong. That night’s game was promising to be a good one.

The Strong had just finished their first dungeon and gathered the components the local shopkeep, Phillip, had requested. Now all that was left for them to do was return to the village and get their money.

“Fiona should be the one that gives Phillip the supplies,” Nott suggested. It tripped up Caleb at first that her wizard had his old name Bren, but he was getting used to it.

Fjord nodded his head. “Maybe she can get us a bonus.” His fighter, Captain Tusktooth, had already been banned from price negotiation after accidentally insulting Phillip’s mother.

“Just leave Traci out of it,” Beau said. “I don’t want to do an awkward flirting session with Caleb ever again.” Caleb had to agree with that.

“That sounds like a fine plan to me,” Caduceus said. He played the firbolg cleric, Caduceus. No one was certain if he really understood the point of dungeons and dragons.

“Does that sound good to you, Jester?” asked Yasha, aka Janet their gnome rogue.

Jester smiled. “Like you guys can keep Fiona away from Phillip.” Fiona being her human bard barbarian.

“Okay, you’ve successfully made it to the village. So, what are you guys going to do now?” Caleb asked.

“Well, Fiona’s going to go to Philip’s shop,” Jester said.

Fjord grabbed a handful of chips from the communal bowl in the middle of the table “We’ll wait outside.”

“Right, so Fiona goes into the shop,” Jester said. “Is Phillip there?”

“Behind the counter of the shop, you see the familiar sight of a pale red tiefling, Philip. He smiles as he sees you come in and goes ‘Miss Fancypants. You’ve returned. Were you successful?’” Caleb liked doing Phillip’s voice. It was softer than his own and was the first NPC that Caleb had a firm grasp of.

Jester nodded. “‘Yeah!’” She did the cutest voice for Fiona and Caleb couldn’t blame Phillip for being infatuated with the bardbarian. “Fiona pulls out everything that Phillip requested from her bag. ‘Here you go!’”

“Phillip’s smile grows wider. ‘You will never cease to impress me Miss Fancypants.’”

“‘Wait until I play for you sometime. I’m going to be performing at the inn tonight.’” Jester leaned forward with a big grin on her face.

Caleb pulled out some of his notes. “‘I look forward to.’” Everyone else at the table ooohed as Jester giggled. “‘Let me go get your payment.’ Phillip grabs his crutch and makes his way to the back and keeps talking to you. ‘I’ve heard there’s good work for folk like you up north in Bucher. Folks say that there’s a kobold colony that needs wiping out up there.’”

“How’s that spelled?” Beau asked.

“B-u-c-h-e-r,” Caleb said.

Jester frowned. “‘I think we were hoping to stay here a bit longer.’”

“‘There’s not much work for you here after this.’ Phillip returns to the front with a bag of coins. ‘Here you go 45 gold just like we agreed.’”

“Fiona smiles and takes the money. ‘We’ll miss this place’,” Jester said, bt she still seemed a little sad.

Caleb rolled a die. Seventeen. He rolled another die and added two to it. Eight. “‘Then you’ll need to come visit us sometime then.’ Suddenly a spear pushes through Phillip’s chest and he slumps over dead. On the other end of the spear is a gnoll.”

The whole table erupted into screams. “You can’t do that!You can’t just kill Phillip!” Nott yelled. Jester just sat there wide eyed in shock.

“Things don’t always go as you have planned.” Caleb had actually been planning for this attack since the start of the campaign. He hadn’t expected them to get so attached to Phillip, but that made the moment all the more poignant. “What does Fiona do Jester?”

Jester sat there quietly for a moment. There were a few different options. She could run out to the others to let them know what happened, attack the gnoll by herself, or scream to bring the other characters to her. “Fiona jumps over the counter, pulls the spear out of Phillip, grabs her healing potion, and pours it into Phillip’s mouth.” Or she could do that.

“But that’s your only healing potion,” Caleb pointed out. He didn’t mean to have her waste her items on an npc.

“Well, I don’t have any healing spells, so I’ll have to use the potion,” Jester said. The Strong were only level four and only had a couple of healing potions including the one Fiona used on Phillip.

Caleb scanned the table for complaints, but the rest of the players seemed okay with Jester’s decision. He rolled for the potion and added it to Phillips sheet. “Phillip gets back up and stares at you. Don’t forget that gnoll’s still there. Actually, it’s going to attack you now. Does a 19 hit?”

“Yeah, that definitely hits,” Jester said.

Caleb rolled again. “That’s 3 damage.”

Jester wrote down her new hp count. “Okay, so Fiona picks up Phillip and disengages from the gnoll to get them both out of there.”

“Picking up Phillip counts as an action. So if you want to disengage, you’ll have to leave him there,” Caleb pointed out.

“Right, so I pick up Phillip and leave triggering the gnoll’s reaction then.”

Caleb stared at her. Phillip was just an npc. He could understand getting hurt for another character, but not an npc. Npcs were disposable. “Does 14 hit?”

“Just barely misses,” Jester said. Relief filled Caleb. He would never forgive himself if he killed Fiona Fancypants. “Fiona carries Phillip out the store and yells ‘GNOLLS!!!’ for everyone to hear.”

“And that’s when gnolls start to swarm the village. Everyone roll for initiative,” Caleb said.

Jester bit her lip looking at her notes. “Wait, Fiona didn’t grab Phillip’s crutch and he has a bad leg. If I put him down, can he get to safety?”

“He can crawl,” Caleb said.

“Okay, then Fiona will just hold him until she can put him someplace safe.” Jester mimicked like she was holding someone in real life, and Caleb could feel a blush creeping up on his face.

“You’ll get disadvantage if you do that.”

Jester shrugged still holding an invisible Phillip in her arms. “Fiona can handle it.”

“Alright then. Okay initiative. Anyone get 20-25?”

******************

Somehow the Strong managed to survive the encounter even with Fiona at disadvantage for most of the fight. Most of the group agreed that it was a fun game, but Beau did threaten Caleb if he tried to pull something like what he did to Phillip again. Jester was the last one to leave that night.

“I had a lot of fun,” Jester said. “Fiona got to save Phillip!”

Caleb smiled. “Have to admit that took me by surprise.”

Jester raised her eyebrows in confusion. “Why? Fiona adores Phillip. Besides I know that you like playing Phillip, and it’d be really sad if your character died so early in the game.”

“Oh, danke.”Caleb never really thought of it before, but if he had the option, it was Phillip that interacted with the party. It was also a lot of fun to have Phillip talk to Jester and flirt with her a little bit. Even if he wasn’t good at it. “But I’m the DM. My characters are just npcs and don’t matter much. They’re not that interesting of npcs anyways.”

“Don’t sell yourself so short Caleb,” Jester said with a hint of a pout. “Phillip’s part of why I come every week.”

A blush crept over Caleb’s face. “Really? Then I guess he better move to Bucher so you can keep seeing him.”

“That’s good cause Fiona would be heartbroken otherwise.” Jester grinned brightly, but then became more serious. “Caleb? Do you think that Phillip feels the same way about Fiona?”

“That would be meta knowledge.”

“Cay-leb,” Jester pouted. “I won’t cheat or anything. I just want to know for art purposes.”

Caleb could feel his heart beating hard as he thought about how Phillip felt about Fiona since it was the same way he felt about Jester. “I think he holds Fiona very dearly.”

Jester squealed. “But he doesn’t realize how Fiona feels about him yet does he?”

“He doesn’t believe that someone as amazing as Miss Fancypants could love a man like him.”

“He’s wrong you know. Fiona could love him real easily.” For once, Jester appeared to be one hundred percent serious.

“What about Captain Tusktooth?” Caleb asked.

Jester waved away the comment. “That’s just a fling. Besides, Fjord isn’t really interested in pc romance.”

“Ah. I’ll need to keep that in mind then.” Caleb closed his DM screen and set it on his books.

“You better. Fiona needs a whirlwind romance. I’ll see you later!”

Caleb watched her as she left and sighed. He knew that nothing could ever happen between him and Jester. But that’s what the fantasy of Dungeons and Dragons was for.

___________________________

Notes:

Phillip and Fiona Fancypants were created in the Widojest discord. We ship them so much.

[ghosty-schnibibit]

i  a m  d e s t r a u g h t

i legit did not even think this ep would come out today and i spent the last hour relistening to the last one to make up for the fact that i meant to relisten to the whole arc this week. oh well! time to be emotionally destroyed!

oooooh no, i am so worried about all the clips griffin chose for the previously one

don't die duck, please don't die my favorite boy

yes! minerva my love!!!

duck what are you doing

"follow the light" what the fuck duck newton

DUCK IT IS CHARGING AT YOU

spontaneous monster death

"i'm going to beef city!" ilu justin

YES IT DOES MATTER DON'T KILL MY FAVORITE BOY

oh damn that's not good

... so is minerva going to see him basically sacrifice beacon to get to leo? fuck, how is she going to take that???

please someone animate this, p l e a s e

nope, the jet pack is still ford angela-ing around in the woods

did leo bring the jet pack??? oh dang i guess leo brought the jet pack

"you don't know what else could be in there" that sounds like dm speak for there's some good shit in the truck

please let this not be a repeat of merle talking to john and getting five sevens in a row

oh nice! cool! back up weapon!

f l o r e s c e n t  g o r r o

"what's with these five's dog?" what did i just say

how many luck points is duck down to now? i'm assuming more than aubrey but i think less than ned

"extremely, exquisitely dead" jesus griffin

♪♫♬ i can show you the world ♪♫♬

god i love you justin mcelroy

n o r t h

oh fuck, that ain't good

what are you doing minerva???

she's making a connection back to her home planet!!!

at least we don't have to worry about a shot-the-fake-ned scenario anymore lmao

jake my baby boy ilu so much

aubrey sounds so worried

oh now i'm worried griffin

oh no, oh no, this is very very bad

aubrey don't you sacrifice yourself, i can feel that’s the direction this is going, don’t you do it

NICE! GO AUBREY :D

and we're worried about every one of them trav

okay sweet, less worried about aubrey dying now

well this is extremely, extremely bad, holy fuck

aww eugine :(

OH YEAH, AGENT STERN

oh no, oh pigeon :(((

i am... extremely terrified

god i fucking love you aubrey

damn trav go off

DO! NOT! BURN! THAT! LUCK!

i figured that's how that would go, yikes

having never seen twin peaks i don't know that dynamic :|

"y'know what, no?" ilu aubrey

... oh shit, is stern going to be on their side???

never mind, goddamn this ep is breaking so bad, holy shit

mama ilu so much

oh shit i forgot about that!!!

YES DO THAT AUBREY, AT LEAST TELL VINCENT

god bless ilu

"oh shit, ned may have been right" that's terrifying in its own right lol

god damn the music is so good this ep

that's some cool imagery

it was a number of episodes lol

i think ned has grown on me a lot more as episodes have gone on, i really want him to succeed in a way i didn't in previous episodes

that's a great mental image

NED WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?????

CLINT WHAT THE FLYING FUCK WHAT IS YOUR STRATEGY HERE

"HERE'S THE THING-" I SURE HOPE THERE’S A THING NED

it was you larry

NED THIS IS NOT GOING TO WORK

bless you clint holy shit

okay, at least they got the hornets on their side

eugine no D:

ilu barclay

okay at least mama is being somewhat sensible about this

"I'M A STEALIN' GUY, OKAY!?" ilu ned

oh no not the abomination music

OH GOD WHAT THE FLYING FUCK

YOU CAN'T JUST CLIFF HANGER IT THERE GRIFFIN

i don't even like ritz crackers griffin

holy shit there's still more than an hour left to this episode, fuck

i just took a minute during the ad read to read the description and... oh fucking boy am i worried about every single character but especially ned. i'm pretty sure the deadly risk for aubrey was pulling the wood out of her leg but i'm worried that it might not be, and “confession” sounds a little too much like last rites for my comfort :(((((

MINERVA :D

"tone and definition are important duck newton!" bless

i love you so much minerva

justin is just absolutely fucked this episode, holy shit

oh poor duck :(

aww minerva :')

"TIME TO CLIMB IDIOT" ilu duck

YES! YES! GO DUCK! :DDDDD

i'm gonna google that, oh hell yeah that's sweet as hell

god i fucking love minerva so much

"i have missed your tutelage" bless you duck my sweet boy

oh the beat is picking up this is so good

THIS IS SUCH A GOOD SCENE DUCK

YES! YES!!! YEEEEES!!!!!

THIS MUSIC IS SO BANGING I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

YEEEEEEEEEEAH!!!!!!!!!!

"well that's the thing-" oh no

jesus griffin you did not need to put that much malice into the word “squeezes”

NICE! he's got some of his chosen mojo back! :D

i am so worried for duck holy shit

THIS WAS THE LIGHT FROM HIS VISION

THIS MUSIC IS SO FUCKING GOOD

AND THEN SHE LEAPS, AND SHE'S HERE

MINERVA!!!!!!!!!!

... that's the quell isn't it

oh this is extremely not good, oh christ they're all going to get massacred

oh no were they... is this a mass exodus from sylvain??? oh my god no

AUBREY PLEASE ASK WHAT'S GOING ON

i'm legit listening to this while there's a thunderstorm in the background, nice ambiance

why are they vanishing??? what mission?????

OH NO I AM SO WORRIED I KNOW WHAT SHE'S GOING TO TRY

did he say weeks early? oh my god this is even worse than i thought

yes!!! go vincent!!!!!

"alright" GRIFFIN I AM WORRIED

YES YES YES YES YES, THANK GOD FOR THOSE GOOD GOOD TRAVIS MCELROY ROLLS

I CALLED IT, WE ALL CALLED IT, IT'S A PART OF THE CRYSTAL

... oh no does she not have magic anymore

AUBREY I FUCKING LOVE YOU SO MUCH

dang, that's not great

... oh no, this has to do with the book doesn't it

YES YOU SHOULD VINCENT

this music is so gorgeous oh my god

"i do???" mood clint

alright, fair enough roll

"what ever's inside this thing is also in danger" it's dani isn't it

NED NO, NED YOU DIPSHIT

"are you threatening this sarcophagus?" ilu griffin

alright, not a bad move

ned's going to shoot it, ned's going to kill it and it's going to be dani, this is so very very bad oh my god

IT'S FUCKING DANI!!!!! WE ALL CALLED IT IT'S DANI!!!!!!!!!!

...oh no. oh no oh no oh no. they're going to kill her aren't they

"what do you do?" griffin i am so scared and this music isn't helping

MAYBE BURN A LUCK HERE NED

oh my god this music is killing me griffin

oh my god is... is ned dead???

oh ned :'(

i'm trying so hard not to cry right now and failing so hard

clint you are destroying me here

with love, edmund kelly chicane

oh my god pigeon killed him, oh god

i... i do not know how to feel. i feel heartbroken, on a level i can't describe. i always... in the back of my mind, i always hoped all the pcs would make it to the end, even though i didn't always like everything they did. i always thought they would pull through. but this... it was heartbreaking. and it was beautiful. and it was redemptive. and it fit into the narrative arc of ned's character and his life so well. ned was my least favorite of the core three, but now... he's a fictional character and i feel bad for not appreciating him while he was here. and its a testament to the power of clint's acting, and griffin's writing, and the entire mcelroy family's ability to suck me so deep into a narrative that i feel like i'll be grieving ned chicane for the next week or two at least. there's still about 23 minutes left and i don't know how i'm going to make it though any of them.

... oh god that's why the sarcophagus fell apart isn't it

the level of jocularity implies to me that they filmed this long before clint's scene and i'm still so upset, duck and aubrey still don't know yet

what is this place? oh my god what is this???

god this music is so pretty

is this... the quell???

what on earth is this, i have no idea what is happening

OH NO THE MUSIC IS WARPING THIS IS SO BAD

oh thank god leo didn't die at least

that is not in any way comforting minerva

we are at 15 minutes left and i am... so terrified

oh my god, oh my god, oh my god

aubrey my baby ; _ ;

oh god the gate is going to open isn't it

what's happening???

this music is so beautiful and i am so afraid of it

OH MY GOD WHAT

JANELLE

god damn this is so powerful god damn

arms outstreached

OH NO, THIS IS SO BAD, OH NO

I WAS NOT EXPECTING JANELLE TO HAVE A LUCRETIA-ESQUE SORT-OF HEEL TURN THIS IS NOT GREAT

OH NO THIS IS HORRIBLE HOLY SHIT, OH NO, OH NO, OH NO

travis you're being a bit nonchalant about this don't you think

oh my god no please tell me aubrey isn't going to die too

YOU CANNOT END IT THERE GRIFFIN MCELROY

... see you all june 13th, holy fucking shit

[cmerys-blog]

( troye sivan. 21. demiboy. he/they. ) ❛ emery redd, a pisces from queensland, australia, moved into holloway three years ago. they are a med school student/intern at a vet clinic that lives in apartment 5d and their neighbors don’t particularly mind them. some say they can be passive and insecure but others say they’re intelligent and soft-hearted. anyways, one thing is for sure: you hear catastrophize by noah kahan, it’s emery blasting it.

hello friends! i’m nev ( she/her ) n i’m so excited to meet all ur characters n plot with you !! i’m bringing u a tiny soft anxious nerdy baby about whom you can read a bit below ( it’s like……….half bio half intro idk rly just bear w me im tired !! ) anyway smash a like and i’ll come @ u or hmu in my dms xo

trigger warnings for: anxiety disorder, homophobia

emery was born in the gold coast in australia with a twin brother ( winnie ) and a younger brother, both of whom managed to capture their parents’ attention more successfully than emery ever did. with winnie being a phenomenal dancer and following in their mom’s footsteps and their younger brother being the more masculine son their father had hoped for, emery grew up feeling distanced from his family and not especially important–save of course for winnie, who always went out of his way to make sure emery never felt neglected. because of this–and because of a moderate-to-severe anxiety disorder as well as burgeoning gender confusion–winnie became from a very young age emery’s life support. as children, you would never find emery anywhere that winnie was not, and when winnie was at his dance classes, emery was typically at home, either reading his animal biology books or practicing piano ( for which he had an incredible affinity, but in which neither of his parents took much interest )

he’s been obsessed with animals since he was little, used to get in trouble with his parents for bringing in birds and things from outside to try and keep them as pets, and even kept a sketchbook with him for a long time where he would draw birds he saw and then catalogue them later

when he and winnie moved to new york he immediately got a dog, whose fc is troye’s actual dog yuergiuhjsa and is emery’s best friend in the world he loves her so much. her name is galadriel from lotr but he calls her lady

when he was very young, emery had a stutter as well–he’s mostly grown out of it through a combination of aging and speech therapy, but he’ll still talk a little slower out of anticipation of messing up, and because the anxiety still exists to a large degree, he doesn’t talk a lot in general. so when he does, it’s something he very much wants to say, and he’s painstaking about trying to articulate things clearly

because he was unable to explore his gender confusion at home for fear of alienating his parents further, it was only once he and winnie moved out together that he began experimenting and learning to be more himself. you’ll typically find him in soft, oversized sweaters and a pair of jeans, and although he generally refers to himself using he/him pronouns, he’s pretty flexible

he’s a little nerdy, wears glasses most of the time unless he feels like putting in his contacts, and aside from his bird drawing and fascination with animals he spends a lot of time transcribing piano music as a hobby

he finished his undergraduate degree at nyu early and is now in his first year of med school to become a vet. he’s an intern at a vet clinic but makes very little money doing it

he got broken up with about a month ago by a bf who was cheating on him with winnie but em doesn’t know………that’s the case. so he’s still very sore about that bc it was his first bf and he’s heartbroken !!!

all in all, em is a very soft, anxious little baby with a warm heart and a great yearning to start living life in a way his anxieties have always kept him from doing

connection ideas

a close-knit group of friends, people emery can be himself around and shed a little bit of his crippling shyness

maybe?? some?? people who are not particularly nice to him?? idk bc he’s rly quiet and weak looking he’d be easy to pick on euyrafghdjs i just want angst ok

the bf! who cheated on him w winnie! i’ll make this a wc if no one takes it up ✌️

probably a boy he has a lowkey new crush on but will absolutely NOT SAY ANYTHING EVER and just admire from afar and barely be able to talk to him tbh

alternatively someone who has a crush on em but he literally has no idea

would love to have the kind of thing where?? em was friends w someone when he first moved here 3 years ago but they sort of drifted away from him eventually bc he’s literally so shy and impossible to get to go out

AND in that same vein somebody he didn’t get along w originally but has become rly close to these days for whatever reason !!

somebody who’s rly protective over him

hookups of winnie’s that em’s rly awkward w when they’re over at the apartment

somebody or somebodies who have mistaken em for winnie and tried to make a pass only to realize!! they’ve got the wrong twin

um anything angsty ok hmu to plot w any other!!! ideas!!!!!!

[avas-headcanons]

OH you think I wouldn’t? You think I won’t do this??? Hunny U thought! KEEP READING FOR SOME FLAMING ARROW GOODNESS

Flaming Arrow (□Odin x Ava○)

Who is the most affectionate?

The two of them would be equally affectionate, but they show their affection in different ways. Odin would show his affection through gifts, maybe he’d draw Ava pictures, give her his shirts or hoodies or win her something at fare. Ava on the other hand would be more physically affectionate. She loves hugging Odin from behind. She has repeatedly climbed on surfaces to kiss him on the cheek. (she can only reach his neck on her tiptoes)

Big spoon/Little spoon?

Ava 100% is the little spoon. She loves being held in Odin’s arms. Odin likes cuddling her from behind cause of how incredibly warm she is.

Most common argument?

“S-Stop hogging the c-c-covers Ava!”

“I’M COLD!!!”

Favorite non-sexual activity?

Stargaze. Those two are so tired all the time. All they need for a good time is to curl up in a little bed of cushions on a starry night and they’ll watch the stars together. (In a normal AU Odin would drive them out to the country and they’d camp out in a field sipping flasks of hot chocolate)

Who is most likely to carry the other?

Odin. He can sling Ava over his shoulders like a sack of potatoes. Sometimes he’ll just pick her up and walk out with her. Ava’s in his way? Picks her up and places her to the side. Ava loves it though. She’ll take full advantage of those ups once she realises that’s an option.

What is their favorite feature of their partner’s?

For Odin it’s Ava’s hair. It’s just so thick and long. He’ll brush it or just run his fingers through it. Oh you need to de-tangle your hair Ava? Look no further, Odin is on it! (He also like when she glows bright when she’s embarrassed)

For Ava its Odin’s eyes. They’re just really pretty eyes? How in the world are his lashes so long? The way his hot pink pupil contrasts against the dark purple hue of those orbs? She could get lost in a pair of eyes like those.

What’s the first thing that changes when they realize they have feelings for the other?

For Odin he starts to stutter a little more. More fumbling over words. He’d try to act cool and accidentally insult her or give a weird complement.

“n-nice horns. They’re very... horny?” - Odin probably.

He’d never meet her gaze if it could be helped, and when he does, that face of his goes bright pink.

For Ava, she just gets more visibly awkward. You know those people who when told to act natural act completely unnatural? That’s Ava with a crush. She’ll try leaning on a chair casually while talking nonsense - that chair was a swivel chair and moves as she leans. Both her and the chair come tumbling down. At the first sign of close proximity to Odin she’s glowing like a star.

Nicknames? & if so, how did they originate?

Odin gives Ava LOADS of nicknames. “Firefly” “my Star” But he’d also mix it up with some sweet names in his mother tongue (Michelle said he’s like Scandinavian once on formspring so maybe names like:)

“mitt allt” - my everything, “ Käraste“ - Dearest, “ Sötis “ - Sweetie, The list goes on

Ava wouldn’t have as many names for him. Probably just baby. But she’d probably ask his sisters for some cute names for him. She calls him “Gubben” (Old man) mistakenly thinking it means handsome. Odin still hasn’t corrected her.

Who remembers what the other one always orders at a restaurant?

Odin seems to be a picky eater so he’d definitely remember her food order. But Ava would also remember foods Odin loves or hates and would suggest restaurants she knows he’d be into.

Who tops?

Do boy/girl relationships have tops?

Who initiates kisses?

Ava! She has so much love to give, this girl will smooch that boy constantly all the time always! Odin would probably fit in a couple smooches here and there. A kiss on the cheek, forehead, nose, temple. Anywhere that isn’t her lips cause he’s just like that. If he’s gonna kiss Ava he’d probably ask first, even if they’ve been together for ages, he’ll still ask.

Who reaches for the other’s hand first?

Depends the scenario. Odin always offers his hand and Ava will always accepts. However if they’re in a crowded place, Ava will hug his arm instinctively.

Who kisses the hardest?

Probably Ava. She’s never kissed anyone before and now here she is with a whole boyfriend and a mouth full sharp teeth. She’d nicked him a few times with those fangs but he doesn’t mind. (Their first kiss, she held her breath. Odin couldn’t stop laughing once he realised.)

Who wakes up first?

Neither of them. They’ll sleep until someone else wakes them up.

Who wants to stay in bed just a little longer?

Both of them. It’s so warm and safe under those covers. They may be cuddling.

Who says I love you first?

Ava. But she’ll be embarrassed, there’d be tears in her eyes. Her cheeks would be flushed like no other. Odin would definitely kiss her as soon as she said it. He’d probably fumble the words out too, but he probably not say I love you directly. Not until like their wedding day or something

“Um... me too! I.. I feel the same, I love.. being with you too.” - Odin probably

Who leaves little notes in the other’s one lunch? (Bonus: what does it usually say?)

Odin would do that. He’s not the best with words so he’d draw little things on the notes. Write cute messages. Something adorable and mushy.

Who tells their family/friends about their relationship first?

That mantle falls upon Odin. He doesn’t even tell his family. His brother sees him being too happy and is like “something’s not right” and he sends the twins out on a reconnaissance mission.They track Odin down feeding Ava a sundae. They take heaps of pictures and send them to everyone in their contacts.

Odin’s dms blow up later that day.

What do their family/friends think of their relationship?

After finding out Odin has a girlfriend Olai demands to meet her. Both Ava and Odin are crapping themselves sitting on the couch while Olai is on the coffee table, legs spread with a cigar in his mouth.

“Don’t bring no babies into this house.” - Odin and Ava flush immediately.

Olai is cool with Ava. She’s cute and nice, he likes how ready she is ready to fight for Odin’s honor. The twins like having Ava around. She’s a little naive which makes her easy to prank.

Who is more likely to start dancing with the other?

Both of these children have two left feet. They will not dance unless drunk.

Who cooks more/who is better at cooking?

Neither of them can truly cook. Odin is used to having his meals made. He’ll catch the game but cook it? nah. Ava’s no better. She lives off of snacks. Ice-cream is her idea of a good dinner.

Who comes up with cheesy pick up lines?

Odin probably. He has so many dumb names up his sleeve. They all make Ava groan.

Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear during inappropriate times?

Probably not inappropriate, but Odin will go out of his way to embarrass Ava. You thought those pervert glasses were the only thing? Nah, he’ll tease her about anything and everything. One time she purred when they made out, he won’t let that go.

Who needs more assurance?

The both of. They’re so insecure they need to know the other loves them every day or else they’ll stew on that for as long as they live.

What would be their theme song?

Welcome to Oblivion by Madina Lake

Who would sing to their child back to sleep?

I feel like Odin would. He has the most experience with kids having to grow up with his sisters. He’d have some nice old folk songs he’d sing.

What do they do when they’re away from each other?

They’re both terrible day dreamers. Odin would probably smoke his pipe thinking about Ava, and Ava would probably have one of his hoodies on (it still smells like him)

one headcanon about this OTP that breaks your heart

Once Ava’s pact is completed - after those two have bonded and become close and are clearly in love - Ava leaves into her new life, leaving Odin alone and heartbroken.

one headcanon about this OTP that mends it

Ava changing the conditions of her pact so that they can stay together!

[she-has-tc-tea]

(7) thank you for taking the time to listen to my random story even if you don’t reply. I really do hope you get better and there’s a silver lining to the medical condition bc Luke will care for you :P

Hi, I just read through all of your messages! Sorry for taking forever to respond, so if you’re reading this lol sorry but I’m definitely feeling better now, thanks so much for the well wishes, Luke has been an angel to me and I’m slowly coming around.

I’ll only post this last one unless it’s okay to add them all up for another post (let me know, I’m sure a lot of people can relate to your situation!)

I definitely think you need to go talk to him asap, especially if that’s how it worked over smoothly the last time. However you want to move forward, whether it’s getting over him or getting closer, I can tell whatever the feeling now is just yucky and you shouldn’t have to hold onto that for very long. Seeing that you went some time with a lighthearted relationship I doubt anything’s changed! Also feel free to DM me i’d love to help more if possible and get updates on the situation!

 ~ If you’re interested, This also reminds me of one time (luckily it was only for a day or two) when I felt the exact same thing between Luke and I. 

We’ve gotten along together pretty seamlessly from the start, but it hasn’t all been golden. Be warned, my memory of this is sort of jumbled because my brain tried to delete the entire encounter cause I was so stressed about it at the time. I once was in his class (so about 2 years ago) and he always always talks to me before or after class unless he’s obviously rushing or zoning out, and he didn’t say anything. I got really worried and at the time I didn’t have his number so I couldn’t check up on him, so the next day I went to say hi first, and all he said was hi back. I literally felt like crap the rest of that day because I thought I had said something or someone else put an idea in his mind about us or made him feel bad about himself in general (I once overheard some girls sitting in front of me talking about his personal life in a not-so-nice way and I am so glad he didn’t hear a second of it) but turns out the next day, when he got back to talking normally, I said “um... so you’re really talkative today?” or something like that, just gently pushing the boy why u not talking to me??? and he just said “oh, I’m sorry, did I not say hi yesterday?” and i just nodded and he looked SO HEARTBROKEN and just said he didn’t have coffee that week (by then it was a Thursday or something) and he had a real bad headache, so he was just trying to be quiet in his free time and forgot to mention it. I was just like my poor luke who has done this and i forgot the reason why but the whole situation was all just a misunderstanding. Also one time I got super mad at him because he didn’t take a situation very well (maybe that’s a story for another post) 

[sawyingthroughthewasteland]

Sawyer Lockwood’s Backstory pt. 1

Hi! It’s me again, once again trying to explain this bitch’s entire story. There’s a lot, and normally I either have it all organized in a long bullet list or pinned in DMs to my co-author but alas- I feel like everyone should know his story at this point given I’ll probably never finish every single fic I want to write sadly. Ah well, I’ll at least try to make his story somewhat understandable. If this shit is too long for you and you want to speedrun my story, his master post for reference is here. 

Pre-Fallout (Note: NOT pre-war)

Yeah so maybe a year or two before I fell in love with fallout, I had a beloved dnd character that I played as in a campaign where I worked heavily with the DM and helped sometimes with worldbuilding. His name was Sawyer Belmont and was an oath of devotion paladin. His backstory is a bit complicated as with all my OCs that I’m able to hyperfixate on for more than a few months but long story short- in his past was a high ranking demonic warlock. Something happened and a year before the campaign started he woke up in a small town, heavily scarred with absolutely no memory of who he was with a small voice in his head. His voice was a demon named Zariel (no, not that one. I literally googled ‘demon names’ and chose one, literally months later WotC released Baldur’s Gate so fuck me ig). Said demon was essentially the only thing that kept him alive but he quickly strived to stay humane despite his circumstances and prevent Zariel from ever taking over again. 

How does this relate to Sawyer Lockwood?  Well the campaign was ended abruptly and so I was never able to finish his story which,,, was a big blow to me as a person who had written a ton for him. To cope, I used his name when it came to video games in his memory and almost as a way to try to finish his story? I guess? Used him for Elder Scrolls, Skyrim, Dragon Age throughout the pandemic and when I started Fallout, I walked in expecting to play as him. Yeah I’d have to fuck with his backstory to make him fit but I plugged in his name, tried my best to make him look like old Sawyer did and off I went with a high CHA and STR build. 

And fucking hated melee. 

I love sniping, always have since borderlands so um,,, I eventually had him have some character changes then,,, then the fo4 story made him change more then,,, I min-maxed his SPECIAL and completely redid how he looked and,,, then I joined a server with others who had OCs and,,, 

welp. Here he is! Absolutely nothing like the OG Sawyer but we love him anyways. I suppose in the end in a way the old paladin Sawyer got to live on (I mean Lockwood does eventually become a,,, paladin,,, hm)?

Sawyer’s Parents

I won’t go too into detail because honestly it doesn’t effect him all too much/ he doesn’t remember a lot of it- but here we go. 

So Sawyer’s dad was a guy name Jared Lockwood (what? no. I’m not reusing characters what are you talking about -shoves RDO OC under rug-) who was a pretty successful horse breeder and jockey! His beloved horse was a thoroughbred named Brisket and retired from his racing days not long after he had met his wife and they were expecting a child. It wasn’t a lot of money that he made, but enough to buy them a small secluded ranch on top of a mountain in the middle of West Virginia where they raised sheep and chickens. The little bar room in the basement of said ranch house is actually dedicated to previous racehorses and are where he displayed his trophies from past races and such. 

However, when Sawyer was maybe 5ish, as I write with the 1950s timeline version of fallout because I like writing stuff from that era don’t @ me, WW2 began. His father left for the navy, promising to return to his wife and kid after a few years and- yeah he went MIA somewhere in the ocean. Sawyer’s family never found out what really happened, but a good guess has to do with U-boats. Sawyer was fucking heartbroken, he loved his father and had been really close to him during the five years he had with him and was certainly quieter from then on.   

His mother, meanwhile, was Shay Lockwood. She’s straight from Ireland and a often was the anchor for her aloof husband. She was a very down to earth lady, loved farming and tending to their animals- but often was maybe a bit... harsh on Sawyer. Certainly didn’t help that she came from a catholic background and well... yeah

Sawyer’s Childhood 

Sawyer was an only child, and for the most part between daily chores- loved to study. He was a huge fucking nerd. His bedroom was constantly covered in sketches of his designs for machines, tools, and buildings. Additionally, growing up he stayed very close with his father’s horse, Brisket- often riding him to school and reading to him when he was younger. 

Growing up, due to his home’s secluded nature he never really had any close friends? Aside from a girl named Nora, who he was quite close with. In high school they’d actually dated once but while discovering their differing sexualities- things didn’t shake out but they still remained close. 

For the most part, he studied his heart out for all of high school and strived to place himself in a good engineering school to continue his studies. Unfortunately though around the time of getting ready for college- his mother developed cancer. This was rough for him for multiple reasons- she was the only family he was really aware of and not only that, they were in a rough standing with each other when things began to pick up and she got sicker and sicker. As Sawyer was slowly discovering himself in their small town, it was quickly becoming evident that he was most definitely queer- something that his mother disapproved of heavily. When she passed- it was without ever their relation ever being mended and Sawyer still kicks himself about it even a good 200 years later. 

He delayed college for two years or so afterwards, taking care of his farm and struggling to figure out what to do. He was the only one left, who knows what would happen to his childhood home if he ever left for too long. 

College Years 

With a heavy heart, eventually he decided to take a leap of faith and have a go at college again. Due to the gap years, he struggled getting financial support and was only able to make it through two years of civil engineering before his funds dried up. He was getting desperate at this point and in a hail Mary- joined the Navy for the G.I. Joe money when the Big War came around. 

Congrats on making it this far! Now onto the fun shit :)

Bootcamp arc (ft. Baron)

Long story short- Sawyer fucking hated being in the military lol, and for a while they hated him too. He was often subjected to beat ups and rude comments just because.. well he... he twink. It was during one of these beatings that someone swooped in and promptly handed his bully’s asses to them- a man named Baron Teague. 

He’s my friend’s OC and honestly most of the stuff I write these days is between these two (affectionately called ‘Bawyer’). I have no idea if she’ll ever make her own tumblr and write about him on here but I’ll try to give a long story short for him. He’s from a military family down in North Carolina, joined the air force fresh out of high school and when he met Sawyer, was well on his way to officer school. (why were they at the same base? story reasons that’s why) 

The two quickly hit it off, Baron often lending the man a hand and Sawyer questioning the tiny sliver of heterosexuality he had left in him every time the buff guy ran by in silkies. Eventually it uh,,, turned into a romance between the two when they had the chance between drills, then Sawyer took him home one break and Baron started inviting him to holidays with his family back in NC and well, you get the picture. They gay. I’ll link the fics when I get the chance, but most described above has been written lol. 

Lancer Program 

Okay so this is where I kinda went crazy with homebrewing but whatever its my writing world I do what I want with my toys you know

So. In my uuuh universe? I guess? There was a program pre-Liberty Prime. This program was bleeding edge technology, taking the grand scale of Liberty Prime and the intelligence of the brightest AI at the time and combined it with the maneuverability and skills of a human pilot much like the power armor. It was a super secret thing and was a very small department and in order to get in required vigorous tests of intelligence and creativity rather than the usual strength. 

Pacific Rim- like with a splash of Titanfall and Neon Genesis, these mechs would have a neural link with their pilots and with the pilot and AI combined were able to carry out complex and highly effective maneuvers. This was of course, assuming that the two got along well and the pilot was quick enough to be able to fix any coding issues on the fly with merely their voice commands. Super vigorous, super high tech, yada yada yada..

With a whooping STR of 2 and an INT of 10, Sawyer gladly applied and made it into the program. He was Lancer Unit 02 and excelled in his training. 

The AI later becomes their own character but that will have to come in a different post, which will be linked here when I get to it ;)

It wasn’t until it was almost time for deployment that Baron finally found out about the Lancer Program and Sawyer’s involvement in it.

Quickie Won’t Hurt ;)

Almost forgot lol, so not long after serving some time Sawyer definitely suspected he’s gay. He wasn’t entirely sure though and so in a series of poor decisions while drunk with his close friend Nora,,,, they uh,,,, yep. 

He didn’t find out about Shaun until looong after he’d come home from the war. Lol whoops haha god Nora I am so fucking sorry 

On the Field    

Around the same time that Stg. Baron was deployed to Alaska was the same time that Sawyer’s program was finally being deployed onto the field in [redacted]. The two had a heartfelt goodbye, swapped dogtags affectionately (this will be important in Baron’s story), before going their own separate ways.

The Lancer Program, with how small that it was and how far they were being sent, all loaded into a giant aircraft carrier and sailed off into the sea. 

They didn’t make it far. 

Somewhere in the Pacific, the ship was hit and sank so quickly there wasn’t enough time to usher everyone to lifeboats and almost all lives were lost on that ship along with most Lancer technology (hence why most prewar and ‘modern’ tech isn’t nearly as advance as the Lancer Program’s yet some ideas would be carried over to the making of Liberty Prime and PA suits). 

So uh, Sawyer. As a person who had just left his really... only friend, had been bored out his mind during the trip and did what most do when bored- and had taken a nice nap in his mech that he was neutrally linked to.

Woke up to alarms blazing, the AI panicking, and the entire ship hundreds of feet underwater and his entire squad around him dead and floating in the water around him. 

He doesn’t have much memory about how he even managed to get out of that situation because it thoroughly fucked him up. 

Baron meanwhile dropped everything when a truck rolled up with a compressed and crushed Lancer Unit 3 on it, being ordered to destroy it to preserve government secrets. 

Parsons State Insane Asylum    

For the following year after that, Sawyer spent his entire time in Parsons as a broken man. He’d been moved to Boston after his record had listed only Nora and Baron at the closest he had to family. With Baron deployed in Alaska, he was sent to be near Nora has he recovered while she was dealing with her own problems. 

The last time Baron saw Sawyer before the nukes fell was the asylum, hardly able to speak a word and shaken to his core from what he saw down there (fic about it to be linked here). It certainly didn’t help that this was also the time that Nora couldn’t hide her pregnancy anymore and her family started asking Questions. 

The follow year was a blur for him, stumbling through treatment and slowly becoming somewhat functional again. During that time he could vaguely recall marrying Nora and them settling on a house in a place called Sanctuary but he wasn’t super lucid until close the time that the nukes fell. Link about the nukes actually falling linked here. 

Because this post is hella fucking long, the second part will be linked here! Hope y’all enjoy it so far and as always, feel free to send asks about him or me :)