#I’m good on cerebrospinal fluid brain but i appreciate the thought

[meatcrimes]

Fellow warforged appreciator! Wanna go on more abt character backstory + details?

Oh hell yeah!! I’m so sad that the cos game fizzled out because what other dm is gonna let me play a creature with no blood in the vampire setting?!

Anyways. The party named him Gargoyle because of the way they sit, since they’re too heavy for chairs and often will shut down their body while in such a position, making them seem like a decorative sculpture. He doesn’t remember his serial number or any kind of name from his previous life. Essentially, the war ended and their creator had no use for them anymore so he kinda went and did his own thing. He’s also a neutral good oathbreaker paladin, which he tries not to think too hard about, but he really is curious what his oath was, and how evil it must have been if breaking it made him good-aligned. Contrasting him with everyone else in the game, there’s themes of “what does it mean to be a person”/“what does it mean to be a monster” as well as “what am i supposed to do now that the purpose i was created for no longer exists?”

Part of the reason they sit like that is because chairs have a habit of breaking under their weight (she is *much heavier* than she looks; approx 6’5” and 290lbs but has the body proportions of a particularly tall but otherwise typical human). this is due to her “bones” and exoskeleton being made of steel and muscle-like features being made of titanium. Total artificial heart pumps primarily ionized water that acts as both blood and cerebrospinal fluid. Peripheral nervous system and blood vessels is made of mycelium branching out of a “brain” that’s a very complex fungus. Because they’re made partially of biological compounds, they still need to eat food, but “food” is not in the same way other living beings define it— they don’t need much of it and they can eat nearly anything, all that matters is if it can be broken down by their mushroom-based brain and used as fuel. A single log of firewood could probably last them a year, or longer if they aren’t expending much energy. Also: trash compactor excretory system, because why not.

As for the plot, an adventuring party adopted him and he found purpose in protecting them. So when they went to Barovia, Gargoyle just thought “not without me you aren’t” and ran into the fog after them. And that’s how they ended up being one of the most useless living things to a vampire— can’t turn them, can’t feed on them, can’t compel them, can *try* to destroy them but not guaranteed a success. that, and Strahd had more pressing things to attend to. he had no reason to attack Gargoyle’s party in the first place because we didn’t make it far enough in the game for a robot with a mushroom brain to cause concern other than “that’s possible?”

[completelyordinarycat]

The whole time I was writing my fanfic I was like Geeze! it is getting harder and harder for me to do spelling and grammar, and I am sometimes entirely blind to misspellings and missing words in sentences. I guess it’s just writing a long story that’s doing it!

Anyway, turns out my body is producing too much fluid and my brain has been literally been getting increasingly squished for the last six months