#I’m gonna come out of this world (tumblr) the way I entered: a spn blog

[garashir]

[codependentsamanddean]

5 years of Supernatural - How it changed my life

I was reading the Family Don’t End With Blood book, and I remembered that this week will be 5 years since I started watching SPN. Yes, I remember the day, it was July 15th, 2012. 

I thought that to celebrate this mark, I’d write my own story about how Supernatural has changed my life, inspired by the book. It probably will be long so I understand if you skip it lol.

I was looking for a new show to watch, I was currently following a handful of shows but I wanted something else. I knew about Supernatural because I was already on Tumblr even though I had only a personal blog where I reblogged random stuff and had like 100 followers or less. I saw gifsets from the show here and there, and I remember thinking “this show must be cool. It looks like these brotjhers have a nice bond”. Also, I have been a fan of Jared Padalecki ever since 2004 and I saw him in New York Minute, so it was another reason to try it. To sum it up, I watched 7 seasons (the show had only 7 seasons back then) in one month, and by the end of it I was addicted. 

Lemme just say something before I continue. I am that kind of person who becomes obsessed with something only to not give a single shit about it one month later. So I thought that what was gonna happen with SPN as well, I’d fall in love with it but it was gonna go away soon like everything that came before. But that wasn’t what happened. 

I got more and more in love with the show and those boys, tjhe story of those brothers. And if I already adored Jared, I started loving him even more, at the same time I got to know who was that gorgeous Jensen Ackles. I learned how special the relationship between them in real life was as well. My tumblr slowly became almost 100% Supernatural, and then one day I saw a blog made to spread the word that Jensen hated Jared. I got so fucking mad reading that, it was the turning point for me. That same day I created a new Tumblr, and the url was j2loveeachother. I wanted to show how the boys actually loved each other very much. I was into the show for about 4 months by then, and I already knew. And little did I know how the decision of making this Tumblr would change so much in my life.  

When I entered this place, this fandom, with this blog I felt instantly at home, like I belonged here. I have a lot of internet friends, I made some good friends back in 2008 because we were all fans of an American Idol winner, and we’re still friends to this day, almost 10 years later. So I enjoy meeting people online even though it sucks that most of the times we’re far away. 

In the beginning of 2013, a couple of months after making the blog, I was put in the same list as another SPN blog by one of my mutuals, as people who loved Sam. I followed that blog and me and the girl started messaging each other here on Tumblr. That was Karri. in about 10 days we “got married” on tumblr and became “wifeys”, which we still are today. We became close friends, the kind who talk almost everyday about things that go beyond the fandom. Other people were added to the equation and god I met so many amazing people. Some of them are long gone and that makes me sad not knowing what happened to them since they left their blogs behind. But new ones arrived and that’s the beauty of it. How many amazing people I met here, but it was sad that everyone was waaay too distant, specially since I live in Brazil and most people are in the US (Karri in California). I remember thinking, will we ever meet someday?

There was also the matter of going to a convention. I remember vividly one day, after Vegascon 2013, one of my mutuals posted a beautiful J2 op she took with them. I was starting to get familiar with conventions, and I remember looking at that pic and thinking “that is so fucking amazing, but I’ll never ever have that.” The cons were in the US and I am thousands of kilometers away, so no there was no way. And that made me so sad, because I really wanted to go, I wanted to be able to have that experience. I wanted to tell Jared how much I love him, how much he means to me, I wanted to be able to meet him face to face and also Jensen, it was so unfair that I wasn’t able to go if I loved the show and them so fucking much. 

In october of 2013, I had a dream. It was like one day after Chicon, a lot of tumblr girls had gone there, and I dreamed that Karri and I were there, and it was pretty amazing. I woke up feeling sad because it wasn’t real, and that night I told Karri this on Skype. I don’t know exactly how it started, but eventually we were like “what if we went to Chicon 2014?” I was gonna start working a couple months after that, I would have some money to go. She hasn’t been to any cons by then as well, so it would be the first time to both of us. We got excited with the prospect, we had one year to make that happen, to be at Chicon in october of 2014. She wanted to put a counter on our blogs right away but I didn’t want to jinx it, we literally had nothing. She did it anyway. I remember going to bed like “that’s almost impossible, I don’t think we’ll be able to pull it off.”

On October 22th of 2014, almost one year after that conversation, I boarded on a plane from São Paulo to Chicago for my first SPN convention. Remember how I wondered if I was ever gonna meet Karri?

remember how I thought, about one and a half year earlier, how I’d never have gorgeous J2 op like that one ever, and how unfair it was?

going to Chicon 2014 was so incredibly important to me for many reasons. I did something I thought I wasn’t gonna be able to, I set up a plan and step by step, I conquered it. I finally attended a SPN convention, which was even more amazing than I imagined. I told Jared in person how much I love him, I got to hug these two man and take this amazing picture, I couldn’t hold back my tears when I found my op among all the others and saw how perfect it was. I finally met Karri in person, which I thought was too hard and we had an amazing time together. I visited Chicago, which was one of my 3 dream cities. 

Leaving Illinois was hard. When Karri and I were on the train from Chicago to Rosemont on our last day, to catch our flights on a few hours, I lay my head on her shoulder and cried looking outside the window. I didn’t even know when I’d see her again and I was so incredibly sad it was all coming to an end. I arrived back home exactly one year after the conversation Karri and I had. I remember taking the lanyard out of my suitcase and crying so much. We had done it, and it was too incredible to even put into words. 

I thought that was going to be my only con. But later that year I knew that wouldn’t be possible. On New Year of 2015, I told Karri I wanted to attend a con in 2016, and she needed to come with me. We debated a lot where we should go, and I was convinced to go to a city I never imagined visiting, by two friends who I also wanted to meet. So in August of 2016, I boarded another plane to Minneapolis, to attend Minncon 2016. and if at Chicon Karri and I were pretty much by ourselves, at Minncon I met so many other amazing people. People who live across the world and who I would never have met if it wasn’t for this show.

My dream op came true and Jared gave me a piggyback ride:

And I also got to witness firsthand how incredibly human and caring this man is. It was the first time I saw Jared after AKF and all that happened to him in 2015, and this time I went to get his autograph crying bc I was too overwhelmed by all of this, by him, and also because I didnt know if I’d ever see him again. He entwined his fingers with mine and squeezed my hand, winking at me. My heart melted.

I had a fucking amazing time in Minneapolis. Not only because of the con, also for the people I was there with. On our last night, after the con was over, me and the girls went to the pub right next to our hotel to eat and talk, there was so much laughter and happiness. I knew how much I would miss that while I was still there. 

To me, Minncon would be my last con. But a few days after the con, I was still in the US, in NYC in vacation, and Karri began convincing me to go to New Orleans in 2017 for another con, since Heather and some other girls were going to. And how could I say no? How can I stay behind and watch my fav people have fun at a con without me? So in a little more than 3 months, on Oct. 23rd, I’m getting on a plane to New Orleans, to experience all of this again for the third time. 

Before I went to Chicon, i was afraid to tell people why I was going to Chicago, I was afraid they’d say it was stupid, a waste of money. But I got so much support it surprised me. Even my boss encouraged me to go when I asked for some days off, I never hid from her where I was going. She started watching SPN this year because of me and now she wants to go too. I know some people may think it’s unecessary to spend all this money to go to conventions for a tv show, specially 3 times when I could have gone to just one, but I don’t care. It’s what makes me happy, I get to spend an amazing time with amazing people this show brought me. And I can’t wait to spend even more amazing moments this year. Because of Supernatural, I got to meet people I would never meet otherwise, and I got to visit places I probably wouldn’t if it wasn’t for the show. Supernatural gave me so much, it literally changed the course of my life. 

I also discovered a new talent, I found out I can write stories, after reading so many J2 fanfics I tried to write my own fics, supported by my awesome friends, and now I can write a story that has over 100k words. Not only that, I can write all of that in english. I’m a native portuguese speaker. Supernatural has improved my english skills as well. 

I don’t have a sad story to tell, Supernatural didn’t save my life or ended my depression. Thankfully I don’t have those problems. But Supernatural changed my life. Literally. It changed many events that happened after |I started watching it. It introduced me to a whole new world. I have friends on different parts of the world because of it, and now I know it’s not impossible to meet them. Saying goodbye to them is so hard, I have cried my eyes out at airports twice, but as I was hugging Karri goodbye in Minneapolis, we realized it wasn’t the last time we’d see each other. It might take some time, but we can do it. The world is big but with effort, we can get anywhere. So many good memories from the past 5 years happened because of Supernatural, and today I can’t imagine how my life was before that. I made friends, I visited new places, I met my favorite actor in the whole world. All because I decided to watch this show I kept seeing on Tumblr. Even long after the show ends and we’re no longer here, the impact it had on me will remain. I know these friendships will stay, as well as the amazing memories I’ll carry throughout my life. I hope I can tell my kids someday if I have them, how much this simple tv show changed me. And I’m gonna encourage them to go after what they love, like my mom did to me when I first told her, afraid as fuck, that I wanted to go to Chicago (a ten hour flight) *just* for a supernatural convention. And she was like “go for it”. Little did I know a small decision on July 15th of 2012 would have such a huge impact in my life.

Thank you Supernatural for the road so far. And for the road yet to come.