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peachsayshi · 2 years ago

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sugar daddy! nanami x female reader (drabble)

(minors and ageless blogs dni)

a/n: manifesting that he shows up at my front door so I don’t have to go into work tomorrow.

tags: mention that reader has a brazilian wax, needy nanami, smut

“thank you for stopping by-” nanami murmurs between a kiss. a muffled hum escapes you, and he can’t help but smile against your lips at the sound. he pulls away to admire the sight of you pressed against his counter. slowly coming undone with your lipstick smudged and your bare breast exposed from when he hungrily tugged at the strap of your dress. one thumb lightly traces over your hardened nipple while the other massages little circles on your waist. “...I know you have plans today. I'm sorry for intruding.”

the apology was half-hearted; there was no reason for it considering this is part of the agreement. nanami is happily paying off your debts as long as you simply made time for him.

so, no, he technically didn’t feel “bad” about stealing you away from your friends, but delaying your lunch would at least make up for him cancelling the last three scheduled dates that he planned.

“of course,” you mumbled, a little dazed from the heated make out session he greeted you with. “I-ah- told you I’m in the area…”

he pecks your collarbone, guiding his hands underneath the hem of your dress. he loops his fingers around the band of your underwear, and gradually rolls the fabric down the stems of your legs. he helps you out of the garment, before standing back up and flashing you a smile of approval.

“I bought these for you didn’t I?” he questions, his conceit masked by humble curiosity.

“Mhmm,” you reply with a nod.

his uses his free thumb and index finger to hold your chin, and seeks another kiss as he stuffs the lace fabric in his back pocket. your own hands clasp around his neck, your lips parting eagerly and granting his tongue entrance.

your mouth is slick with spit, the kiss wet and messy, but neither of you have the time to care about slowing things down. you can feel how hard nanami is when he presses himself against your pussy, and your stomach flutters as you hook your leg tighter around his hip to enhance the pressure of him grinding against your cunt.

he’s been working long hours, barely getting enough sleep, and has been miserable for the last three weeks. but this, this carefully relieved the tension from his demanding position.

nothing else crossed his mind from the moment you sauntered into his penthouse apartment - there was only you.

eventually and with heavy eyes, he glances down to the point where the tip of his cock meets your entrance, and curses under his breath as he slowly pushes in. he brushes his fingers over your pubic region, taking in the softness of your skin and it pleases him to know that you’ve still be maintaining yourself.

you whisper his name, “kento, kento...”, your voice trembling when he rubs the the hood of your clit, while dragging his cock simultaneously back and forth as he fucks you right up against his counter.

your dress is bunched up between his hands. he can feel that the material is a little worn. this is an easy fix, he thinks to himself, because he’s keen on spoiling you. it’s only been four months, and the process has been gradual…

you still decline some of his offers with a shy smile, unaware of how deep his pockets were and for whatever reason that only flamed his growing infatuation.

he drops his forehead to meet your own, leaving another tender kiss on your lips before asking: ‘gonna cum for me, love?”

you whine out an endearing “yeah,” that makes him laugh under his breath.

he purrs your name, and it send shivers down your spine as he thrusts with more conviction. feeling your warmth around him, the way you dripped down his shaft and how pretty you sounded every time he hit the right spot - it only reminded him that you were an investment worth spending on.

he would shower you with anything you asked for as long as he can keep doing this.

you ride out your orgasm on his cock, and he groans upon reaching his own climax when your walls tighten around him. your body shakes as you let the waves roll over you and when you look up you were met with glassy brown eyes soaking in the shimmering glow of the aftermath.

you freshen up in his bathroom, attempting to put back together a decent look. when he sees you afterwards, he knows the question you’re about to ask and can see the heat emanating off your body as you approach him.

“you still have my underwear...”

the corner of his mouth quirks into a cheeky grin, and you can’t help but smile back. nanami always likes to play these little games with you, and you happily joined in every time.

instead of giving you what you needed, he reaches for his wallet instead.

“tell you what,” he suggests as he lifts out his black card from it’s secured slot, “I’ll arrange my driver to drop you and take care of your lunch to make up for the delay. Since you’re in the area, there’s a shopping district not far from the restaurant where you can pick up another pair…and maybe splurge on something else nice if you see anything you like.”

He drags the card along the outline of your cleavage before sliding it under the padding of your dress. He cups your face in his hands and plants another chaste kiss on your forehead.

“Come back when you’re done,” he teases with a wink. “I’ll make us dinner, and you can show me what you bought.”

#nanami kento x reader #nanami kento x you #nanami x reader #nanami x you #nanami smut #nanami kento smut #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #I’m going to tag people later lol I just wrote this on my phone hahaha

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purplesurveys · 4 years ago

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1191

survey by voicedance16

name yourself: Robyn

name (one of) your best friend(s): Angela; she’s for keeps.

name 3 things in your fridge/freezer: I don’t think I opened the fridge at all today, but if I had to guess...eggs, bread, and our pad thai leftovers from dinner earlier.

name a color you're wearing currently: Green.

name the last thing you ate: I treated myself and ordered spicy tuna salad tonight because I had a shit shift. It’s been a while since I felt a little burned out with my job, but it happened today and it wasn’t very pleasant.

name the last store you went to: I never go out these days...does online shopping count? I’m always browsing through Shopee, if anything lol.

name the song you're listening to: ON - BTS.

name the artist of that song: BTS.

name your favorite animal: Dogs or elephants.

name what pets you have, if any: Two dogs. Kimi, Cooper.

name the town/state you live in: No thanks. I live near Manila though, which is probably the only city most people know from the Philippines anyway so that should suffice.

name something commonly ordered at Starbucks: I think my usual is a pretty common order – caramel macchiato.

name the last person you talked to in person: Not sure. I think it may have been Nina? I was just jokingly asking her if her bias recognized her again on a VLive, since her comments have been read by her favorite group recently, and she tells me they even laugh at them :( Perks of liking a smaller, more underground group for sure; pigs would have to fall from the sky before anyone from BTS notices me lol.

name the last person you talked to on the phone: My mom. I didn’t hear her calling for dinner last night, so she ended up having to call me from downstairs while I was hanging out at the rooftop.

name the current day of the week: Tuesday.

name the current month: May.

name the current time: 10:22 PM.

name the last movie you watched: I have not watched an entire movie since i’m thinking of ending things back in September. I did watch a snippet from Portrait of a Lady on Fire a few weeks ago, though. That’s the closest thing I’ve got to watching any film recently.

name the last book you read: This one I’m even more uncertain about.

name a place you've been on vacation: South Korea.

name a place you'd like to go on vacation: Malta or Turkey.

name 3 things you can see from where you're sitting: It’s pretty dark so I technically can’t ‘see’ anything, but based on what I know I brought up to the rooftop tonight I have my phone, my salad, and my vape pen.

name your favorite musical: Miss Saigon, if anything. I’m not a big fan of musicals.

name an animal (any): Turtle was the first that came to mind.

name a fruit: Mangoes.

name a vegetable: Lettuce.

name a common breakfast food: Pancakes. They’d sound so good rn, too.

name a color: Grey.

name a type of flower: Dandelions.

name a type of tree: Uh...mango again? HAHA I’m not very good with trees.

name a city: New York.

name a state: Indiana.

name a country: India.

name a continent: Asia.

name a planet: Jupiter.

name a girl's name: Jessica.

name the last person to comment you on Facebook: Angela. She tagged me on this post that was promoting a local shop that makes customized face pillows and she told me we should order a Taehyung one for me and a Seokjin one for her, hahaha. The concept is definitely cute but it wasn’t my style, so I showed her another shop that also makes face pillows, but prettier.

name a clothing store/brand: Thom Browne.

name the last book you got at the library: If I remember correctly, it was History of the Filipino People which, coincidentally, my great-uncle wrote.

name a restaurant: Yabu but eugh, haven’t eaten there since the breakup. I should order from them soon to commemmorate moving on heheh.

name a grocery store: Can I just name a local one? SM.

name an iPhone app: YouTube.

name an actor: Eddie Redmayne.

name an actress: Emma Stone.

name a music group: BTS.

name your favorite/lucky number: It used to be 4, but I’m now going with 7.

name something you've accomplished: Continued from...last night, I think? I have no concept of time anymore. I managed to survive this week so far considering how deadly my schedule was.

name something you'd like to accomplish: Get a promotion once I’ve proven myself capable.

name someone who makes you laugh: Hans can make anything funny.

name something exciting coming up soon: Some of my online shopping orders arriving I’m guessing by later today, yayyyy.

name a song that makes you emotional: Oh man, there are a lot. O by Coldplay is probably the one that hits the worst, though; I still can’t listen to that song completely to this day. Recently, I also can’t really avoid being sad whenever I listen to Butterfly by BTS.

name one of your pet peeves: Overly slow drivers.

name someone you know who is an amazing singer: Hannah.

name someone who is the same religion as you: JM.

name a holiday you celebrate: Christmas.

name the last 4 digits of your phone number: That’s too many, lmao.

name one of your cousins: My cousin Lei from my dad’s side.

name a book you loved when you were younger: The entire Septimus Heap series. I must’ve reread Magyk (the first book) a hundred times.

name a song you loved when you were younger: Let’s go withhhhh Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne. Making sure there were no adults around whenever I sang along to “I’m a motherfucking princess” as an 8 year old was always a thrill.

name your favorite movie: Two for the Road.

name a popular book series: Percy Jackson.

name a musical instrument: Saxophone.

name a language: French.

name what other tabs you have open: Archive of our Own, Dailymotion, Bzoink.

name 3 things on the walls of the room you're in: The walls of the rooftop are bare.

name your house number 4.

name your high school: Nope.

name your college, if applicable: UP.

name your middle school See high school.

name your elementary school: See high school.

name the college you wish you went to/hope to go to: I was able to qualify for the university and degree I wanted to attend.

name your favorite teacher: My music teacher in high school.

name the color of your backpack: Hm, don’t really use backpacks anymore but the main one I had in college - at least until I switched to a simple handbag (aka my senior year when I started to not care lol) - was a pink Herschel backpack.

name a dessert: Leche flan.

name a famous landmark: Statue of Liberty, only because of the question after this.

name a place you might go in NYC: Tiffany’s.

name an inventor: Nikola Tesla.

name an article of clothing: Jeans.

name an ice cream flavor: Pistachio.

name a religion: Islam.

name an emotion: Resentment.

name a room in your house: Mine.

name a website: Twitter.

name a car: Hyundai Palisade.

name something you need to do today: It’s a holiday today so I technically should be off work, but since it’s a holiday squished in the middle of the week that’s just another way of saying my dayoff will be a scam lmao. That said, I need to draft an article today for a client.

name someone you admire: My dad.

name someone you miss: My two best friends.

name a part of the body: Thighs.

name the last youtube video you watched: It was a Taehyung-focused compilation.

name a quote you love: “If you really love to be loved, it’d be good to show those who love you how much you’ve changed.” There’s some background context obviously playing around in here and most people might not recognize the weight it holds if they’re unfamiliar, but it’s a quote that really means a lot to me and came to me during a time I needed to hear it.

#survey #surveys

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dreamlikeapsycho · 4 years ago

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I saw the max facts (pun intended 😂) you did for that question a while ago. So I was wondering if maybe you could tell us some more facts about Max it doesn’t have to be anything too detailed but anything you know would be nice to know, pretty please 😊

Okay... RANDOM FACTS ABOUT MAX - PART 2

I went on deep analysis mode this time to try and say all of Max's little nice and cute moments I know of.. Pls take notice, tho!! I'm not trying to flex or anything, I'm just a simple peasant girl on Maximilian's kingdom for a long time and it happens I have FBI blood in my veins 😭 so It's all gather on my brain and hard drive lol SO! I'm just answering this ask with a lot of thought and care so you can know more about Max and how he is even more awesome than you think!!! (And just in text form, cause Max doesn't need to be tagged on more personal stuff on IG (there’s too much illegal fishing at my tumblr pond already! 👏). It’s probably weird to know certain things, yes, but at least I'm respectful, I'll never bother him with this kind of stuff). Well, enjoy the bible below to end up knowing very little about him, still haha.. Just some more small facts.

- Max was at a barbecue just yesterday. It was someones birthday from the set of his new movie. He drank his beer, like usual, idk about the meat.. there was wurst and chicken.. I'm not sure if he's trying to be a vegetarian or not (after that thoughtful video he posted) 🤔.. maybe he didn't eat it, I don't know!!

- a little while before the start of this shooting, he was at the Baltic Sea filming for the series he's gonna be in (just one episode again! Don't get your hopes too high lol he's gonna be a security guard who disappears mysteriously, so....)

- He helped his friend renovate his house a few weeks ago!! How could I forget that on the first post.. Then, he had to go to Hesse for the movie shooting, and his friend had to call another friend to come help him lmao damn

I think I could describe some videos I have then... at least there's some cool and funny stuff. (Friends himself tagged in the past and cast friends)

- Max's dad went to the same uni as him. Also, he voiced a police officer on the phone in a short film Max wrote and directed all by himself (he didn't act on it, but he was also another police officer over the phone haha). Another thing, his dad made the official music for one of his plays.

- The falafel day.. his friend was taking a piss filming Max at the shop from afar and zooming in, saying "omg, guys! I found Noah from Dark! He's right there buying falafel" lmao, then, Max is just standing there looking all wonderful with his perfect hair and such, moving his hands, scratching his chin, ordering his food, and his friend talks some more, doing like a rough Max voice "yeah yeah, I'll have that one. Good, yeah". 😂

- the day he went to take a walk in nature. His friend asks him for a cigarette, he is denied, he goes to take it anyway, Max slams his cup of tea on the table and tries to take his cigarette back and it's all black and they're just laughing lmao (I love his laugh btw, so giggly!)

There was storys posted by Max himself.. so, maybe you saw it, but it's from before dark s3 came out.

- The pigeon storys. He filmed two pigeons chasing each other at the station, one always running from the other and he captioned "me trying to flirt" haha

- He screen recorded an ad for an app that deletes people from pictures and made some joke too, I can't remember exactly what he wrote, smt like "when you break up, but still wants to keep the picture" lol also, he unfollowed like 5 people that week after posting that... hm 👀

- he posted a video of him walking in the dark with really cold wind.. you can only see his hair flying around. Also, with a mask on, another chasing a cat in a big field, and that one drinking his coffee and eating his yogurt (you most likely saw it already)

- Ohh.. His friend was playing Max's drums the other day!!! Made a lot of jokes, it was obvious he was messing around in Max's room (maybe they live together, maybe he just waters the plants lol idk). Some of the jokes were "I've been playing this drums since 1921" and "the drums and me are a perfect pair, don't ever believe otherwise". I wonder what Max said to him.. he can't do anything about it, he's not in Berlin hahah. He has a little giraffe in his room, and other home decors (you can see it on his drumming video on his own IG)

- he likes to read on longer train rides.

- there's a video of him screaming inside a wardrobe after being jumped by a friend and one of him putting lipstick on with the song "I'm a sexy motherfucker" playing in the background hehe we was tagged, it was easy to find when there wasn't much tagged post.

- There's moments of ppl filming something/themselves and he just comes and photobombs it lol he is just like thiss 👏 showing his tongue and doing a funny face and such. One of those I saw it on the IG of a Das Boot cast member I actually already followed before.

- this group was such a blast. There's a few pictures, one of them he's in a dress, he has white stockings on til his thighs, heels and all haha lovely

- His improv-group.. he was almost in tears singing "I believe I can fly" with the group on their last day.. But he was happy! A mix of emotions. He loves everyone, he expresses his love a lot to people in general, he says it and adds heart emojis to make sure haha you can see his comments going on IG of his cast friends, especially from Das Boot (I followed a lot of the guys). So, about always commenting something funny on people's posts.. I didn't saved those, so I forgot most of it, but one I remember was that someone posted a video of a hailstorm and he was like "what are u doing, free ice!! Go grab them" hahaha

- Max has that Noah picture where he's peaking by a wall (you know that one Baran posted) printed and framed! 👏

- Things he’s pretty much always with: his backpack and his big headphones (it's always on his neck. At almost every picture, from every year, with different people etc. I was confused when he had normal headphones at his farm storys. Maybe he forgot them in Berlin 😭. Besides those, his rings, necklaces and bracelets (always, for years and years! Same ones, even). He uses frequently on premieres, as I saw it. Sometimes they also show up on his characters in his one-episode works!! Hahah is so nice when that happens. You can notice this on my screencaps.

- that pic of him that is everywhere now (with glasses, holding a bottle of champagne), I posted that months ago.. There's 2 more pics and 1 video. One pic, he is pretending the automatic lighter that's on the table is a Harry Potter wand (but I think I cropped the table, right.. I can't remember). This was actually posted by Max himself and he tagged his friend who took it. I went to see if they posted smt and there was a picture where he is literally biting the cork of that bottle off with his teeth Lmaoo, and one video.. he is talking on the phone trying to block the view with his feet.. this man!!

- he really doesn't care about buying too much unnecessary clothes and shoes and stuff. He is mindful of his things and the environment!!

- there's a video of him on the set of Der Zauberlehrling, I need to recall where I got that from (maybe I could share this one. I'm not sure), he is messing with the broom and someone asks him "hey Max, what's that animal?" and points to the fluffy microphone. He says "it's a fucked up coala bear" (in english) 😂

Again.. I can't say names or anything, cause ppl are not mindful! Like.. I know I'm probably weird, but only for myself and my FBI office LOL I don't go over there and follow/reply to all these people’s posts and storys or take their videos and tag Max on them, this is just not.... nah. I'll always be respectful (yeah, some older stuff has gifs, cause he had like 10k followers, and 5 fans on tumblr lol But i never sent/tag him in anything personal directly.. that’s why i only posted on tumblr for the past year, in fact! I never thought things would be the way they are now a year later.. so, newer stuff it's not posted/gif nor ever will). I don't want him to be weirded out and like, disappear from IG!! I think about these things.. when people are being weird and stuff towards him. I don’t know how ppl don’t think about this when tagging him recklessly in random pictures and videos!!!

I wish he had more interviews, so we could know more proper stuff about him. (The few interviews he has are translated on my IG highlight. There's still an 8min interview missing there, cause I'm contemplating about being more of a bother to german speaking people, since I only have basic german..

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lululawrence · 5 years ago

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3/3/3

I... was tagged by a lot of people so here we go hahaha thank you tooooo @a-brighter-yellow, @runaway-train-works, @allwaswell16, @laynefaire, and @himynameiszayn! sorry this wasn’t timely, but honestly who expects timely out of me anymore? no one. lollll I honestly don’t know who has and hasn’t done this, so I’m going to just... share my three lines and then answer the three questions everyone asked me. if you see this and wanted to be tagged but weren’t, say i tagged you and answer the three questions out of the list of 15 that i’m apparently going to be answering and do your own post! i’d love to see what you have as well. Soooooo here we go!

Three lines from my WIP (i’m doing five instead cause i was tagged by five people, hope that’s okay):

Harry had done them a favor, really.

Louis’ heart didn’t believe him just yet. The tears running down his face and the fact that he was having a hard time breathing as he tried to hold back the worst of his crying until he was done driving were physical evidence of that. But he knew that given time, it would.

Hopefully.

Three Questions from Sage:

1. Do you have a strategy for writing dialogue?

uhhhhhh.... not so much. lolll i just try to make it sound natural and have a good rhythm to it. but i guess i don’t really think much about it other than trying to make it sound like something they’d say, if that makes sense? i’m afraid people who bother to read my answers to these questions are gonna be like “wow she doesn’t really think about much of anything ever while writing, does she?” noooo i really don’t. lol

2. Do you keep a note in your phone related to your fic/fics? What kinds of things do you jot down?

uhhhh i mean kinda. lollll i mostly keep a fic list in my planner, actually, but i also will brainstorm in chats in whatsapp and then i star the messages so i don’t lose them. other than that, i don’t really keep any notes in my phone.

3. Who’s characterization do you think you have the best handle on? Does writing a particular one of the boys come easier to you than the rest?

Nicholas Grimshaw’s. Because he is the gay male version of me, i swear he is. lolllll otherwise I don’t really know? I mean, i feel like it’s a really opinion based subjective answer because we don’t really know them, so what i think is a good handle on their characterizations might have someone else reeling and upset lol that said, i do often find it easier to write from Harry’s pov as opposed to anyone else’s, but over time I’ve come to be comfortable writing from Louis’ too.

the rest is going under a cut cause wow this got long

Three Questions from Rebecca:

1. What’s a trope and/or pairing you love to read but haven’t tackled yet yourself, and why?

uuuuuuhhhhhhh that’s a really good question actually. i am not really sure? i LOVE fake relationship, friends to lovers, bed sharing, hybrid, abo, f/nf... oh! i know! i love royalty fics and i’ve never tried one of those! and same with regency fics. all the pairings i love to read i have officially attempted writing now, so i’m actually quite proud of that.

2. Which fic of yours are you most proud of and why?

i... this is mean. lolllll Goodness. I have a handful of fics that I’m actually really proud of. But one I’ll use for one of Anitra’s questions and another I’ll use for one of Michelle’s hahaha SO I’ll say the fic I’m most proud of is You Don't Care About Me (One More Night). There’s a lot of reasons why, for this one. One, it’s the longest fic I’ve ever written and I wrote it in something crazy like 3 weeks. Another is I have tried writing canon compliant fics in the past and they are SO FREAKING HARD. like SO HARD. And I promised myself I wouldn’t write another one, but I got this idea and I wanted to write it since I hadn’t found anything like it. So I took on the attempt to write a long canon compliant fic, and i did it! I also wasn’t sure how successful I would be with getting the emotions and sensuality across with this fic, because it’s a friends with benefits fic, right? but, i decided a few years ago i wasn’t going to write smut anymore. would i be successful in getting that across? the connection they have? the desire? the sexual tension? would people be able to feel the growth in the attachment between them as their relationship grows and changes and morphs without it? I didn’t even touch on all the reasons why i was concerned and nervous but also excited to write this fic that all come together with me being so proud of it. but in the end, it was SUCH a growing experience and such an incredible writing experience for me and in the end, i think i truly produced exactly the fic i wanted to. i think this fic is one i would thoroughly enjoy reading again later, and that i would love it. which is always my greatest goal, so yeah. i think my tomlinshaw fic is probably the fic i’m most proud of.

3. What three tips would you give to a new writer in the fandom?

oh goodness okay so let’s see here.

1- get good support around you. i’m talking friends, cheerleaders, betas, just anyone and everyone. writing is hard and if you feel like you’re doing it alone it’s that much harder. so surround yourself with good, wonderful, and supportive people.

2- write what you want to read/write for yourself. i enjoyed writing the first few years i was doing it. it was fun being inspired by other people’s ideas and participating in a lot of exchanges where i was focused on the recipient and writing something for them. the year i wrote something like 42 fics was such a growing experience for me and i don’t think a single one of those fics was actually for myself. after that year i decided i wanted to focus on what I wanted to write and what i would like to read, and ever since i changed that focus in my writing, it’s changed entirely. i’m so much more proud of the fics i produce overall and i enjoy the process so much more because they’re for me. if they aren’t hugely popular, that’s okay. i like them, i love them, and that’s what’s most important for me. i’ve become so much more settled in my writing and just all of it since i made that change.

3- write often. it makes the biggest difference and makes things become so much easier if you do. it’s so hard at first, but you will strengthen those writing “muscles” and become such a stronger writer and narrator and just improve vastly the more you do it. so, write often.

Three Questions from Anitra:

1. Which of your fics do you wish more people would read? (Include a link please!)

You Try To Be Everything (I Need)! i know i know i know. it’s fantasy. those never get huge amounts of hits. AND it’s kinda future/dystopian. those ALSO never get huge amounts of hits. AND it’s a non-linear narrative which ALSO never gets huge hits. BUT I LOVE THIS FIC, OKAY??? it’s one of the top three i’ve posted this year that i’m most proud of and i ADORE IT. it’s one of my absolute fic babies. it FLOWED from me in a way i’ve never experienced before and i used symbolism! and visuals! and created a world! and took them on an epic journey! this fic is just. one of the best examples of how i can write as well. i loved how i was able to reveal information as it needed to be and was pertinent to the story. i feel like it gave a power to it that it wouldn’t have had without those flashbacks. and the art!!!! gosh the art that @hrrytomlinson did for it was just stunning. so yeah. probably that one.

2. What are three of your favorite tropes to write? Why?

ooohhhh i LOVE writing friends to lovers. i think it’s the pining. i ADORE writing pining. probably because until my husband i had very few experiences that went past pining so i’m quite familiar with that in my own life lollll i also love writing disaster gay/humor fics. they’re so fun and also feel so relatable to my life. they’re easy for me to write and just SUCH A BLAST. and lastly i think... my other favorite trope to write is... meet cute. i just love writing that point in time when two people meet and immediately like each other and have to figure out how the hell they’re gonna ensure that they see that other person again. you know? i love those beginning stages so much! so yeah. i think that would probably be my other favorite trope to write.

3. Do you write side pairings in your fics? Which side pairing is your favorite? Why?

i dooooooo! i dunno if i have a favorite. i feel like i often rely on ziam because, well, why not? right? but i do have a LOT of fun writing shiall. there’s just something about their two personalities and getting to write them that allows me to be a bit silly but also just have fun and be cute and fluffy. so yeah. i guess maybe shiall. ooh but i do love a good rare pair of side gemma/niall as well hehe

Three Questions from Layne:

1. Do you have a writing routine? What is it?

mmmmm i guess kinda? lolll generally i have a very hard time writing at home. if i’m at home i’m going to get interrupted by my husband or kids or parents. it’s bound to happen. either that or i’ll remember any number of five million things that i should be doing around the house instead of sitting there and writing, so overall i have to write somewhere other than home. i’ll shove all of my errands and chores and everything into a smaller time frame so i have a bit of time to myself that i can leave the house and write for. whether that time amount is just 20 minutes or 3 hours, i’ll go and get set up (usually at starbucks or the library) and i’ll check in with any number of people or chats and let them know i’m writing. i’ll give them a starting word count, the fic i’m working on, and when i’ll be checking back for accountability. i then write like the wind. often, i’ll have a playlist going in the background, but not always. then when my time is up, i’ll check back in with the chat and share my ending word count so i can see how much i wrote that 20 minutes/hour/whatever and then i’ll also usually share a snippet so they can yell at me in excitement and help me stay excited too. and then rinse lather repeat until the fic is done! soooooo yeah. if that counts as a routine, then that’s my routine. haha!

2. Which of your fics was the most challenging to write? Which was the most fun? Why?

oh goodness, there have been a few that were difficult as fuck to write. i think the one that was the hardest was probably I Don't Mean to Frustrate. it was for an a/b/o exchange and i got three prompts that i just... was not really comfortable with tbh. i wasn’t sure any of them were tropes i could take on or i was not emotionally equipped to handle, which left me with a canon compliant prompt. i LOVE reading canon compliant a/b/o fics, but i hate writing canon compliant as i think i’ve said before. because of that, it felt like pulling teeth. i wanted to be sure that i was holding true to their schedule, i wanted to be sure i was sticking with what we knew of the band at that time etc but then mix things up a bit with the a/b/o dynamics. i think i just put a lot of pressure on myself and didn’t feel confident in it and that just made it suuuuuuuper hard to write. i do like it now, but it was really hard for me. the most fun? oof uhhh probably I Like Digging Holes. That fic is so self indulgent. i was meant to be writing at least another two or three other fics that actually had deadlines and instead i saw a silly interaction that grimmy had with an instagram person and i had to write it. something ridiculous like two days later this fic was posted and it was just a blast to be ridiculous and over the top and silly.

3. Do you make playlists to write to, and if so, do you ever share them when you post your fics? Which fic’s playlist do you enjoy most, and why?

sometimes? if there’s a fic that has a really specific vibe i’m looking to channel in it then i will and USUALLY i’ll link them in the author’s note for the fic, but i don’t do it very often. generally the playlists i listen to as i write are just the ones i’ve made most recently of music i’m currently enjoying. that said, i do really love the playlist i made for my 50s direction fic (A Word We've Only Heard), because i made sure it was all era appropriate and it was the music that had inspired that fic in the first place, so yeah. you can find the playlist here, if you’re interested.

Three Questions from Michelle:

1. Which fic of yours holds a special place in your heart?

I have a little list of my fic babies mentally that i have, but the one from this year that i’m most proud of and is special to me that hasn’t already been talked about is The Only Thing That Keeps Me Grounded. i feel like i’ve talked a lot about it, but there were a lot of emotions and self realization moments and just... i tried really hard to make it true to those who identify as polyamorous. i think i really hit that on the head with that and made it so it’s a fic that actually can be relatable and others can identify with whether they’re poly or not, and because of all those things, it’s just really special to me.

2. Is there a pairing you refuse to write?

mmmm no? i mean there are going to be some pairings that i find more difficult, but if there’s anything that i’ve learned over the almost five years i’ve been writing in this fandom, it’s that i can write pretty much anything i set my mind to. i just might not enjoy it as much haha

3. What do you prefer Fests or challenges more?

i... dunno? lollll i love a good fest and a good challenge, so i guess it just depends on what the challenge or the fest is as to whether i prefer one over the other. haha!

And that’s it! if you actually read all of this, you are a GEM AMONG MERE ROCKS. lolll i appreciate you caring enough about me to read the whole thing. i hope i didn’t bore you. and again, if you want to do this, consider yourself tagged! please tag me in your own post so i can read it and enjoy your answers too!

#mine #3/3/3 #3/3/3 challenge #333 challenge #wip #18 fic #writing stuff #fic rec #about me #my fics

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water-writings · 5 years ago

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11/11/11

I was tagged by @demidemonwrites and @ezwriting. Thanks you guys and sorry this took so long to write!

I know I will be breaking the rules to some extent, but I will be answering both their sets of 11 questions here. I don’t have exactly 11 people to tag, let alone 22 at the moment haha. Sorry!

Demidemonwrites’ questions!

1) Least favorite writing trope?

I’m going to be honest, I’m not entire sure. I’ve never thought of this before. I actually went through a couple forums where people are telling their least favorite tropes to see if anything struck with me. Honestly, I couldn’t find anything. Maybe I haven’t read a lot to know what I don’t like or if I’m just not that picky. I guess if things are written well I’ll be down with anything.

I guess if I had to pick one, it would have to be “the good guy is actually the villain” trope. With Frozen I remember when I first sat down in the theater and thinking “Haha what if Hans was the villain” and then BOOM I was right. There was some other movie I watched where I called one of the good guys being the villain, but I can’t remember what it was.

2) Which of your characters are underdeveloped but you want to develope more?

My current new character for My Hero Academia, Yuriko Umeda. She’s the first character since my Marvel character, Tracey Madison, that I’m super excited to work on and write for!

3) Do you prefer writing stories or worldbuilding?

I prefer writing stories. I’ve mostly written fanfiction and gone off of worlds from fandoms. But I have recently been practicing worldbuilding by attempting to add onto the already existing worlds. I have an original story in the works, but I haven’t touched it in nearly four years. It’s there, but I’m struggling with it. Maybe one day I’ll finally figure it out. But yes, I like writing stories more so than worldbuilding at the moment.

4) Where do you do most of your writing? (In bed, at a desk, ect...)

Literally anywhere. I write on my computer and on my phone on Google Docs so writing is portable for me. I do tend to write more on my bed or on a couch. I guess somewhere where I’m comfy.

5) If you have multiple ocs, what do you do to keep all their info organized?

Hahahaha I don’t. I’m pretty sure there have been times where I created a character in my head, came back to them months or even years later and forgot what their name was. I used to write a list of characters I created (even ones that I didn’t have stories for) back in high school, but now I don’t. I guess I just remember characters I really like. If I write for them I remember them of course, but if they are characters I have in my head and create a story for them then I tend to remember those characters. Although, I probably should start keeping them organized somehow.

6) Do you write your ideas down or are they mostly in your head?

Both. I tend to come up with ideas in my head (as everyone does haha) and when I have time I write them down on my notes section of my google doc for the story. But I also have ideas written down and in my head. Small ideas come to mind every now and then that I forget about that pop back up or they are minor details that I’ll write in as I write the story.

7) What is your character(s) favorite food?

Yuriko’s favorite food is omu rice.

Tracey’s is Hawaiin pizza.

Barry’s would be fried rice.

Aria’s is cookies.

Wes likes pretzels. Crunchy or soft he loves them.

Lyra’s is meatloaf.

I haven’t thought of Barry’s, Wes’, or Lyra’s before but those popped in my head. It might change, not sure haha.

There are probably other characters that I can’t think of at the moment or characters that I haven’t written for in forever that I just omitted from this list. These are my recent projects.

8) Out of all your character, which has the best story arc?

I guess Tracey? She’s the character who I actually write a complete story for instead of abandoning it. To this day I’m not sure how I did it, but I did. I have four stories completed in the series with her in it. The second one I liked, but looking back on it there’s some stuff I’d like to change in it. But I also think with that story I was able to develop her character more after that.

9) Do you prefer heroes, villains, or anti-heroes?

D. All of the above. I like characters who are well written. Even if its a villain I will like their character.

10) What character have you had the longest?

My longest character would be from my very first fanfic ever, but I don’t want people looking into that one hahaha! Out of my recent characters its definitely Tracey and Barry.

11) Favorite villian trope?

This was another thing that I’ve never thought about before and once again I looked into lists of villain tropes. I think I like bad just to be bad. One of my favorite villains is Joker and he’s evil just because. Another trope (if you count it as a trope or personality) is crazy. Harley Quinn, Junko Enoshima, and Himiko Toga are happy crazy and I don’t know why, but I love characters like that.

Ezwriting��s questions!

1. Do you listen to anything while you write? Music, television, white noise, etc.

I tend to have something on in the background, whether it’s music, TV, or YouTube. I just like to have background noise. I do like to use music to picture scenes for stories. There’s been times where I’m listening to a song randomly one day and I just picture a new scene that has that song playing as background music and I just add it to a story.

2. Can you describe your favorite character? Either yours or a beloved favorite from a book or any other media – I’d just love to hear about them.

Tracey and Barry are my MCU OCs. They are the Madison twins and they’ve been with me since I was a freshman in college. So about six years or so. That may have given away my age who knows lol.

Barry worked with SHIELD and was picked up right out of high school. Tracey didn’t know what he did until the Battle of New York where she basically interrogated him on his uniform. Tracey is a hacker. She majored in Computer Science (even though I know absolutely nothing about it) and she has been playing with computers since she was a kid. She had an interest in them.

Pepper was a friend of their mom’s so that’s how they met Tony and then the Avengers through Tony. Everything just falls into place or goes down hill from there!

I’ve worked so much on them that they have become my favorites. But at this point, I’m taking a hard hiatus on them and focusing on other characters.

3. When you write, do you have any particular requirements before you can start? (Have to be a specific somewhere, need music, etc.)

Nope! If I end up writing, I’m lucky. I have the worst attention span and lack of inspiration at times that the moment I sit down and try and write I end up watching the most random videos on YouTube or scroll through Tumblr. It’s bad haha.

4. Do you prefer to be hot or cool when writing? Do you snuggle up with blankets or have fans running, or are you somewhere in - between?

I’m in between. It depends on the day. Like right now I’m fine sitting on my couch in some comfy shorts and a shirt and write. But some times my legs might get cold and I’ll lay a blanket on them. But that’s usually if it’s cold out. I’m in between.

5. What kind of writing ‘quirks’ do you have?

None. I literally sit and write. I usually have background noises I mentioned in the first question (sometimes, very rarely, will I write in silence). I might have a cup of tea or a snack, but other than those I don’t think I have any writing quirks.

6. What is your favorite book or book series?

Harry Potter, Peter and the Star Catchers, and The Truth About Forever.

7. Is there anyone who inspires your writing?

@pen-in-hand @apocalyvse They’re writing is amazing!!

8. What first got you started in writing?

I honestly can’t even remember. I think it was this anime that’s my favorite called D Gray Man. A friend got me into it late 8th grade early freshman year of high school and I loved it. I was also a major major dork back then (probably still am but not as much) and had a crush on one of the characters that I wanted to create my own to add into the story. I think one of my friends told me about ff.net and I picked up a notebook and pen and started writing.

I do remember a couple times in elementary school where I had to write short stories. One I think I still have in my junk somewhere that was about a dog wanting to be a sled dog and the other was I had to write how the Oregon Trail was made. That one I don’t have, but I think I remember I wrote about how a girl ran into a goblin in a forest and had some competition with him over something. She ended up using this basket she had and used it to create the trail.

Elementary school Mel was wild. I don’t even know how I remember that Oregon Trail one. Star Kid pick up my story and make a prequel to Trail to Oregon.

9. What would you suggest to new writers?

Just write. Even if you think it’s bad, just write and post it. Someone is going to love it. You are also your worst critic. I look back at my first fanfic and CRINGE when I think about it. But I have reviews on it. I also look back on it and realize that I have improved so much since then. You improve as you write and you can only go up. If you enjoy it, keep writing.

10. Do you prefer to write first, second or third person?

Third person for sure!

11. How do deadlines affect your writing? Do they hinder or help you?

I don’t set deadlines for myself. Unless I’m writing something for a holiday or as a present to someone. I don’t do deadlines, but I think it would either help or hinder me. It would help me sit down and write, but I also think - knowing me - that I’d procrastinate and then rush to meet the deadline. Rushing would then result in my worst work I think. Maybe. But I just don’t do deadlines. I post when I want to.

My questions

1. Do you write fanfictions or original stories and did you ever write fanfiction?

2. Did you ever write your stories in the middle of class instead of paying attention?

3. How many notebooks do you have filled with your writing?

4. What’s your favorite way to write? Notebook, Word Doc, Google Docs?

5. Do you write by yourself or do you need people writing with you?

6. Have you ever cowritten with someone?

7. Who do you bounce ideas off of?

8. Have you ever taken an experience from your life and written it into a story?

9. Favorite type of music to listen to while you write.

10. Have you ever had anyone give you “advice” that hurt you and prevented you from writing for a while?

11. Have you ever had fans of your writing pester to write a certain way?

I tag @pen-in-hand @apocalyvse @starsandstormyseas @loopally @morganwriteblr @writing-and-nutmeg @luciandra-writing @nightwingshero @scouthearted @invernessie41 @odpadkywriter��@alalawrites

I did 12 instead of 11 since I had two sets of questions haha!

#ask me things #tag game #mel writes #writeblr #my ocs #my stories #wow this was a long post but a lot of fun!!

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reesewestonarchive · 6 years ago

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meet the author tag

tagged by @forlornraven

1. Who are some of your favorite authors / 📚?

...look I don’t know hahaha. I haven’t had a favorite author since I was like, fifteen.

2. ✒️/✏️ and paper or typing?

pen and paper gives me the opportunity to edit as I type it up, but I prefer typing from the get-go. I hate typing up handwritten work. my handwriting’s always messy, I forget what I’m doing, I make a lot of typos...

that being said what I really prefer to do, apparently, is tap it out on my phone before I sleep

3. What’s your character development process?

you can have one of those? I don’t know; I write things down, they tell me I’m wrong when I try writing those things into the manuscript later. I talked about this somewhere in the past, but Nakoa’s backstory’s changed on me like, five times or something ridiculous, over the course of writing and rewriting. I just ran with it, lol, and this is how my boy became the liar he is today

4. Favorite words?

phallocentric, enamored, ichor, ethereal, labyrinth

5. Do you have a “type” for characters (either ones you write or ones you like)? If so, what is it?

I like brooding-but-sweet characters. where they got a lot going on but they’re not assholes about it. I also like characters that are assholes in general, but not directed towards anyone? like the ‘bad boy’ type people write in books, not about that, but the just in general >:( feel but when they’re with other people they don’t turn into a jackass

6. 🎶 or no 🎶 while writing? If so, what kinds?

no musics :( I get distracted

7. What first got you into writing?

I’m pretty sure I found out, or realized whatever, that I could make my own story and I... went with it? I have no real memories, my childhood’s pretty blank, but yeah

8. Vampires or werewolves? (or magical creature of your choice)

I don’t knoooow. I guess it depends on the context :p I’m not a huge fan of either of them, but they’re both still better than zombies

9. Where did you get the inspiration for your current wip?

that’s a good question! where did I get the inspiration?

actually, no, I do remember. I liked the name Nakoa for some time and I was like, ‘I gotta save this, I can only name one character Nakoa, so it’s gotta be a good one’ and I sat on the name for a while. kind of character brainstorming? and then all the sudden there he was! ...it was all a lie but it was him!

also I most definitely plagiarized myself, because from the roof of my mouth is a better, less love-triangle-y reincarnation of a wip I had called ‘happy pills’ that I wrote... sometime in the past but couldn’t tell you when

10. Most difficult part of writing?

all of it I hate it all except for planning and dialogue

I mean, description? yikes. pacing?? yikes. PLOTTING?? yikes.

#tag games

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pebblysand · 4 years ago

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Author Interview Tag

Author Interview Game

Thank you sooooo much for the tag @tessiete this has actually made my day! I fucking love writing about writing (bit self-indulgent, I know) and reading other people’s writing about writing and oh, god, I’m so excited!!

Name: pebblysand

Fandoms: from beginning to end - Without A Trace, House, Spooks/MI:5, The Good Wife, Silk, Harry Potter (although, technically, that was probably the first one - my mum’s best friend said she had to read HP because from age 6 to age 10 it was all I ever consented to talk about).

Where you post: AO3 and FF.

Behind the cut cause this post is loooong.

Most popular multichap:

(Full disclosure, I’ve only ever written two multichaps, both happen to be listed here)

AO3: Children (Silk)

My baby. My love. On and off, between writing, first posting, then editing and reposting - 2.5 years of work. It is a ridiculously niche fandom but sure look, I’m so proud of it. I’d always thought I was a one-shot kind of girl, that I was incapable of writing and framing a long-form story, and yet, here I am. I am madly proud of this.

FF: Castles (Harry Potter)

Sheer force of numbers, here, to be honest. It’s only two chapters in, and already two kudos short of overpowering Children on AO3, which I’m guessing will make it most popular across the board, just because the fandom itself is so large.

I will say this: I’ve had this story in my head for years and I think part of the reason why I’m only writing it now is that after years of writing in nice, niche fandoms where you could easily read all the fics available in a few days and make friends with readers because everyone kind of knew each other, I finally have the backbone to face the Potter fandom. Because fuck, as much as I love the books and have gotten absolutely lovely, thoughtful comments on this throughout the past few weeks, God can that fandom be brutal.

And, don’t get me wrong: I’ve had constructive criticism on a number of my fics in the past, including very niche ones. Even if it does sometimes hurt a bit, it’s always helped me better my writing. I remember for instance one chapter of Children where someone wrote in that they were confused and couldn’t follow the narrative. I was a bit annoyed at first but in the end, it made me rethink the chapter and rewrite it, and they were 100% correct. That’s the whole point of constructive criticism/debates in comments.

The Potter fandom has that, no doubt. I’ve had super interesting discussions in comments and overall the response and feedback has been incredible, like I’ve never even dreamt of before. This being said, I’ve also gotten more shit than I’ve had in any other fandom. For instance: the story picks up after the war (starts in May 1998). The summary reads: “To him, the spring of '98 is about sex and funerals.” - which is a line taken from the fic itself. When you labour over something for hours on end and the first comment you get is: “first learn when spring season starts and ends before writing a story about it. what a joke.” it’s a bit disheartening, to say the least.

And, I know. First of all, yes, that person is an idiot and clearly doesn’t know when spring ends and summer starts themselves because summer only technically starts on the 21st of June. Secondly, even if I’d gotten it wrong, I didn’t write a story about the seasons, you idiot. It’s clearly a line taken from the story. Lastly, learn how to punctuate and spell. Now, I’m 27. I know that. I can disregard that. But even then it still feels like shit. If I’d gotten that kind of trolling when I was younger, I’m not sure I’d still be writing today. I really admire younger writers who start out on Potter - I was very afraid until now, tbh.

Favorite story you’ve written:

This, I really don’t know. I was trying to pick one but I think my favourite one is almost always the one I’ve either just written or am writing now. For a long time, I really loved Once. I also really liked Daisies and Dreams. I obviously love Children although I think I’ve spent so much time writing and editing it that it’ll take a bit of time for me to really appreciate it without also self-editing in my head, if that makes sense.

Right now, though, I love Castles. I think it’s the best piece of writing I’ve ever written. When the next one comes around, I hope that’s the best piece of writing I’ve ever written. That means progress.

Fic you were nervous to post:

Castles for reasons explained above. I love HP but I don’t think big fandoms in general are my thing. I like decent-sized fandoms. Like, TGW-size, back in the day, was perfect. Even as a reader, it’s also fucking hard to find good fic due to the sheer mass of stuff out there. Where do you even start?

How you choose your titles:

Castles, Children, Daisies, Truth, Mistakes, Dreams, Before, Once, Cannonballs - hello, do you detect a pattern here :D?

Jokes aside, yeah, I like one-word titles. Believe it or not, though, it hadn’t occurred to me that I always seemed to gravitate towards them until @orbythesea on AO3 pointed it out to me. To be honest, even the fics that don’t materially have one-word titles have one-word titles in my head. Like, Horses Made of Sticks is actually just Horses, in my head. I should probably have called it Horses.

How do I choose? Depends. Sometimes, they come from songs (Castles, Children, Daisies). Sometimes, it’s quotes, concepts from the show/book, or sometimes it just fits. Like, Once, Dreams and Truth couldn’t really have been called anything else, they’re just what the fics are about.

Do you outline?

Yes, always. For one-shots, I usually have an outline on my phone or part of the word file I’m writing the fic in itself, just a list of scenes or quotes that come to me at random points during the day that I will forget if I don’t write them down. I am very forgetful of my own brilliance hahaha.

For longer stuff, I usually have the general plot in my head from beginning to end before I start writing. Then, chapter by chapter, I plan with a blank A4 sheet of papers that I fill with post-its describing different scenes, a little bit like a paper version of those boards they have in writers’ rooms. It helps me physically see where scenes fall, where holes are. I do the same thing for original fiction.

For reference, one for Children (chapter 9) would have looked like that. They’re definitely not set in stone, though. Lots of times I’ll change stuff on the spot, big or small. Scenes that pop up randomly or get deleted because they worked in my head but not on paper, sometimes moved (sometimes moved to other chapters even). Here, “Alice” later became “Charlotte” and that “eye-fucking” (LOL) scene never happened.

Complete:

I think they’re all complete? I never completed that alphabet-based collection of House one-shots but it was a collection and they were shite anyways. They’re not missed, lol.

Of course, Castles is incomplete, but that’s just my current WIP.

In progress:

As I said, Castles. Also a piece of original fiction that I’m not sure where to post. Like, what do people do with short stories? Where do you post that shit online? Can anyone help?

Coming soon/not yet started:

No idea. I’m a one-project-at-a-time kind of gal.

Prompts:

I love prompts. Send me all the prompts. Especially three-sentence-story prompts. God, I miss those.

Upcoming Work You’re Most Excited About:

I mean, again, Castles.

No pressure tags: I have no one to tag because I’m not really in fandom anymore but if anyone sees this and wants to do this, please be my guest. Again, I love reading about other people’s writing and writing processes because we’re all different and it’s fascinating.

Also, if anybody’s got theories about ff v. AO3 tastes and readership, hit me up, I could speculate for hours.

And thanks again @tessiete for tagging me

#writing #fanfiction #the good wife #Harry Potter #Harry Potter fic #ao3 #ffnet #theories #writing about writing #stuff #very long pointless posts

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kneekeyta · 7 years ago

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So, idk I just wrote this quickly. It’s…melancholy..I guess, but with a hopeful ending. Also I didn’t want to make this super long so I left a lot of it up to your own imagination to fill in what happened, Its mentioned briefly and well, yeah. Some end notes also.

only tagging @mmfdfanfic cos I’m trash. lol. sorry xx

maybe, one day you’ll call me

He’s tucked away in a corner, listening to the steady pattering of rain against the window he’s sat by. It’s dimly lit inside, mostly due to the gloominess outside. The small bulbs that hang from the ceiling over each table were of low wattage, and of course the one hovering above the table he picked, was flickering in and out. He would have laughed had he found the energy as it seemed so fitting.

Fitting that he too was trying to stay alit, to not burn out, but figured it was only a matter of time until he’d burned out completely. And even if he did, when he did, he knew that sooner or later he’d spark again, at least he had hoped.

Everything sort of paused for a moment, he no longer heard the rain, or the soft bustling about of tea cups and kettles boiling. It all sounded muffled and distant and like it was actually him that paused and everything else around him kept going, kept living, and, well, that’s how he knew she was here. She always had the effect on him.

When the chair in front of him scrapped back, everything sped up again, the rain was pounding harder and it seemed a wind kicked up some. There were distant murmurs from the other patrons, and then finally a small, distant, “Hi, Finn.” She was right in front of him but she couldn’t have sounded further away.

That’s when he always knew, they could be sitting next to each other, but it’d feel like she was a million miles away and he hated missing her while sitting right next to her.

“Alright?” he mustered up after a moment.

“Yeah, you?”

He shrugged, whilst studying his folded hands. There was still some dry blood on his thumb from when he was biting it earlier that morning. An awful nervous habit he was never quite able to kick, it was a wonder how he had any nails at all if he’s honest.

“Thanks for coming,” she mumbles.

If he were to look up he knows her eyes would be big, almost wild looking, yet, sad and shiny and well, that was one of many reason he refused to look at her.

He shrugs in response, because he doesn’t have much else to say to her. Doesn’t know what else to say, because he feels like he’s said it all too many times over and he’s exhausted. He doesn’t want to fight anymore, doesn’t want to plead anymore, he just wants to leave. Because she can’t give him what he wants, which is a better reason, a different reason, like, I don’t love you anymore, something, anything other than the one he’s heard over and over again.

“I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to…to umm,” she trails off, and releases a long breath.

It has been a while, two months to be exact, and well, that’s the longest they’d ever gone without seeing each other since they’d gotten together, even from when they were just friends.

“Just..uh here,” she says.

He doesn’t look up but hears the small slide of a box across the table top and he know what it is. He’s desperate to reach out and push it back, it’s hers, he bought it for her. He doesn’t want it back, doesn’t need the reminder of it.

The silence draws on and he thinks about just getting up and leaving, if this was all she wanted, then it’s done and he can go. He did his part and he’d very just much like to go back home.

“Aren’t you going to take it?” she asks, almost impatient, yet desperate sounding.

He shakes his head.

“Can’t you talk to me? Or at least look at me?” she asks, there’s a tremble to her voice. It was always a weak spot for him. He hated to see her upset or worse be the cause of it, but it’s not his fault this time, he did all that he could, yet it wasn’t enough.

Swallowing the lump in his throat he says, “I don’t want it.”

“I can’t keep it, Finn.”

“Do what you want with it then, it’s yours.”

“Why won’t you look at me?” the desperation in her voice causes his fingers to twitch a little but he’s not going to budge, he refuses.

“Because,” he answers.

“Do you hate me that much?” her voice is so small yet he can hear the slight crackle, and knows she’s trying not to cry.

He wants to groan, to shout, to shake her and tell her No, I love you! I will always love you! But he can’t because no matter how many times he’s told her, has showed her, expressed in every possible way he could think of, it was still never enough. And it hurt that she never fully believed how much he loved her.

“No.” he settles on answering her.

“Then please look at me!” Her voice raises some, in desperation and he almost, almost looks up, but he knows better and resists.

“I’ve given you enough, Rae. I can’t give you anymore, or I’ll have nothing left.” He can feel the tears welling up, his eyes will start to burn soon if he’s not careful.

“What’d you mean?”

Even without looking at her he can tell the movements she’s making. Can tell that she slumped back, that she looks completely lost and confused by what he’s saying. In any other circumstance he would have found it adorable and would have kissed her and explained to her the plot of what she missed. She in turn would have elbowed him with a small blushing smile and murmured how he distracted her.

“Every time we fought and you left, you took a little more of my breaking heart with you. And I can’t, Rae, there’s not much of me left, and I just can’t give you another piece…I can’t give you what I still have.” He says, and is surprised he made it through the speech without his voice cracking, because it’s right on the edge.

“I’m sorry, I’m not stronger.”

He’s heard that sentence time and time again and well, it hurts him a little more each time. Because he knows she has trouble and has in the past and always will. He just thought they’d eventually get passed the stage of her wanting to break up with him because she thought she wasn’t good enough, yet here they are. So this time, when she broke it off, he didn’t stop her or plead with her until she would come home. He just…let her go, whilst he held on to a small sliver of hope. Stupid him.

He sighs, shaking his head slightly, “You need to find a new saying cos that one is getting old.”

Desperately he wants to look at her, but he doesn’t, “We both know you were always the stronger one, between us; out of all our friends even. I thought…I thought loving you was enough, but you need to learn to love yourself, Rae. And, I know, I know it so fucking hard, but you need to.”

“Was it so horrible being with me?” she asks carefully.

He shakes his head, “No. Never. Well, only when you were breaking up with me every other week.” he laughs humorlessly.

“As much as I love you and will always love you, I just…I don’t think it will ever be enough. Because I have feelings too, Rae, and every time you’d try to break up with me, and tell me to go off and fuck someone else, someone worth my time. It hurt because I felt like I wasn’t loving you correctly or that I had done something wrong.”

“You were and you didn’t. It was me. You didn’t…you never….” She rushed but trailed off.

“You were perfect,” she mumbled.

“There ain’t no such thing, but I did my best.”

“Is that…is that why you just let me go this time? Because you felt like you failed?”

“Part of it, but more than anything I wanted you for once, to be the one to fight for me, fight for us.”

“I want to be that person, too!” she says eagerly.

He nods, softly.

“I…I..um, I went to see someone… to talk to, again.” She murmurs.

“That’s good, Rae. Really good.”

There’s a long pause and he’s not sure what else she wants him to say, he feels like he’s said all he can.

“I don’t…I still…I love you, Finn.”

He takes a deep breath because he doesn’t want to cry, he sick of crying and he’s not even sure how his eye are still able to tear up.

“I love you, too.” He says.

He scoots his chair back and stands, when she says, “Can we ever be….anything, again?”

He’s unable to help the small smile that pulls to the right, he sighs, and picks up the small velvet box, he places in her upturned hand and says, “Maybe.”

He leaves pulling his hood up over his head once he’s outside, the rain simmered to a sprinkle and for the first time in a long time he feels like he can breathe a little easier.

She had a little fight in her.

---

four months later

He’s barely inside his flat and his phone is ringing, he groans because he wanted to just flop down and sleep forever, but he knows that it could be work and he should pick up.

“Hello..”’ he answers quickly.

“Finn..”

It’s Rae.

“Yeah…”

“So, I heard you like Reggae….”

The End.

Okay, so, yeah open ending. I mean, pretty positive I think.

Also, I just wanted to write something like this because, I’m a pretty self-deprecating person like 98% of the time and its super hard for me to accept compliments and positive emotions of all sorts from people. And often you’ll find that that’s why if you happen to send me a nice message and it takes a while for me to respond is because I get quite worked up over it, it just takes a while for me to process it and be accepting of things most days. BUT I’m working on it in therapy, learning to accept the ‘love’ I’m shown/given.

But back to why I wrote this I guess, it’s just because I know that these things aren’t just one way and that you can hurt people, especially the people you care about by not accepting these small praises. And that sometimes you have to love yourself enough to fight for what you want. and so yeah.

None of this probably makes sense. siiiiiiiiigh

ANYWAY I’m done rambling hahaha just ignore me!

I’m gonna go write something fluffy now! Byeeeeeeeee

#mmfd fanfic #mmfd fanfiction #mmfdfanfic #my mad fat diary fanfic #my mad fat diary fanfiction #yes I used a HS lyric as the titel #*title #hahaha #im so pathetic #haha #it seemed fitting

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choicestrash · 7 years ago

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92 Things

This is literally the longest one I’ve seen yet hahaha! I was tagged by @justhedeepsea (this tagging thing really doesn’t like me dang) so without further ado, under the cut!

THE LAST:

Drink: Water

Phone call: Uh... Those numbers you call to buy your phone data lol

Text message: “IKR THIS FEELS WEIRD AF”

Song you listened to: Naked by kirstin™ (which I am listening to rn and what you should check out dear reader hahaha)

Time you cried: A month ago?? 3 weeks?? Idk man

HAVE YOU:

Dated someone twice: Nope

Kissed someone and regretted it: Nope

Been cheated on: Nope

Lost someone special: Sorta?

Been depressed: Nope-ish

Gotten drunk and thrown up: Nope

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

Magenta (the reddish pink one, not the purple one)

All the other dark pinks

Gold

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

Made new friends: Yup! Online, that it is. Gonna make new friends later this year though!

Fallen out of love: Nah.

Laughed until you cried: Yup.

Found out someone was talking about you: Nope, and I hope not!

Met someone who changed you: Not yet!

Found out who your friends are: Kinda.

Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Nope.

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life?

All of them, I believe! Haven’t used it in a while.

23. Do you have any pets?

Cats visit my house, does that count?

24. Do you want to change your name?

Nah, quite like mine hahaha

25. What did you do for your last birthday?

Celebrate with my friends!

26. What time did you wake up?

7 am-ish. Idk.

27. What were you doing at midnight last night?

Sleeping (I know, very exciting)

28. Name something you can’t wait for:

Superfruit’s Future Friends Pt. 2! The first album was such a bop and cheap, I loved it!

29. When was the last time you saw your mum?

A few seconds ago?

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life?

I’d like my family to be in a better place financially.

31. What are you listening right now?

L O V E by kirstin™ (it’s on repeat)

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?

I don’t think I have.

33. Something that is getting on your nerves:

People who act mean for the sake of doing so.

34. Most visited Website:

YouTube, Tumblr and Twitter. And fanfiction.net.

35. Mole/s:

Two on my neck, one on my left foot.

36. Mark/s:

Birthmark on my right arm in the shape of a witch riding a broomstick.

37. Childhood dream:

Becoming a doctor. I’m afraid of blood so guess how that turned out.

38. Hair colour:

Black.

39. Long or short hair:

Short-ish.

40. Do you have a crush on someone?

Uh... my irls now about this so pass hahaha

41. What do you like about yourself?

My beautiful ability to make puns.

42. Piercings:

The normal one on each ear.

43. Blood type:

Whoa this is a little personal hahaha, it’s a common one though!

44. Nickname(s):

Tabby Cat, Angst Queen, Monster (related to a fic I wrote and I agree lmao)

45. Relationship status: Single.

46. Zodiac: Taurus!

47. Pronouns: She/Her

48. Favourite TV Show/s:

I don’t really watch any shows rn...

49. Tattoos:

Nah, terrified of needles (I can’t believe I thought that doctor thing was going to work out)

50. Right or left hand: Right!

51. Surgery: Nope.

52. Hair dyed in a different colour:

Currently, no. Might though.

53. Sport: Lol no

55. Vacation:

Singapore! France would be nice too.

56. A pair of trainers:

Yes, I have a few in black!

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: Nothing

58. Drinking: Milo

59. I’m about to: write fic that is long overdue help

61. Waiting for: motivation lol

62. Want: to finish this

63. Get married: Hell yeah!

64. Career: An author or artist!

65. Hugs or kisses: Hugs.

66. Lips or eyes: Eyes.

67. Shorter or taller: Taller.

68. Older or younger: Partner-wise older.

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: (where’s 69)

Arms I guess? Not too much muscle though.

71. Sensitive or loud: Loud.

72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship.

73. Troublemaker or hesitant:

Hesitant, better safe than sorry.

HAVE YOU EVER:

Kissed a stranger: Nope.

Drank hard liquor: Nope.

Lost glasses/contact lenses: Don’t wear glasses hahaha

Turned someone down: Nope.

Sex on the first date: Nope.

Broken someone’s heart: Possibly, but I hope not!

Had your heart broken: Sort-ish.

Been arrested: Nah.

Cried when someone died: Nope.

Fallen for a friend: Technically, yeah...

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

Yourself: Yeah, most of the time!

Miracles: Yup, because life would be horrifyingly sad without them! (fictional stories are another problem altogether..)

Love at first sight: Love really depends on person to person, so sure, if the shoe fits!

Santa Claus: Nope.

Kiss on the first date: Sure, if I’m super connected perhaps?

Angels: Yup!

OTHER:

90. Current best friend’s name:

I’ll put initials since I have no idea whether they’re okay with this: De, Cl, Ch, Da, and De (woah my friends have such similar names lmao)

91. Eyecolour:

Dark brown, since black technically doesn’t exist.

92. Favourite movie:

Wonder Women right now!

Holy crap I’m done that took an hour. Tagging just @bookmarkmywords because I’m petty and if I go down, she goes down too lol

#tagged #congrats if you read it all omg

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hellosophrosyne · 6 years ago

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2017 recap

6/2/2018

Fun fact: I used to be very active and present with myself in the sense that I would journal quite often on a blog. My form of therapy. And one of my absolute faaavorite things to do in the beginning of each year was to recap each month of the year that had just past just so I would always remember what the heck I got myself into someday when I’m old and trying to remember my life.

I haven’t done a recap in YEARS, but I still kept my makeshift calendar/planner that I used in 2017, even though it’s already halfway through 2018 already. I think I kept it so I could try and recap it on here sometime when I could... & I guess that time is now, so...

(it’s currently 2AM, I just said goodnight to you on ftime, so here i gooo)

JANUARY

January looks like it was a boring month by the look of how little I wrote on here. I think I was depressed still. From failing my boards in October 2016. I had rescheduled my retake for the NCLEX on February 8, 2017. All I have written down is checkboxes of “150″ as a reminder that I should do at least 150 practice questions before going to sleep. But whoa, looks like I happened to go to my little’s installs this month too. Feels like that was ages ago. I can’t believe my old ass actually crossed a little sis even though it was years later. It’s too bad the chapter died, and I wish we were closer. Our age gap plays a big factor, but I’m glad I met someone like her.

FEBRUARY

February 8th- I retook the NCLEX. Most stressful day ever. Thank god I actually have a youtube video commemorating that entire day. I remember eating lunch with Sarah after and just crying because I did the hack into the site to see if I could get the results early and it looked as if I actually passed. Even though it was still uncertain, I had some peace of mind.. and found out I officially passed 2 days later at 6AM when my mom came barging in to show me my name on the official boards website. I remember I was sooo into yoga during this month. I thought it really helped. I was gaining all this flexibility, finding a sense of peace within my body partnered with daily practicing of meditation. Like damn, I need to incorporate that kinda stuff in my life right NOW. I went to Bear Valley to check out the snow. Got to ride in my first snow mobile kinda thing... I would totally do it again. I tried AcroYoga with Jessy, first and only time. I kinda wanna try another class again. I got invited by an old high school friend to go see the FIreFall at Yosemite. Such a crazy experience, getting to wait around with hundreds of photographers just for one opportune moment where the waterfall looked like it caught fire just for 3 minutes. At this time too, I was heading to SF a lot to have dinner with everyone I could. Still working at the job that I hated, training to be supervisor. I think this was the month they tried to screw me over too, trying to make me do things I was never trained to do.

MARCH

My 23rd birthday month. This month felt freeing. I started applying to anywhere and everywhere. Had dinner with Freda (my therapist friend) (i have to document whenever I see her because i feel like i never see her), started planning my Havasupai trip with the girls (Jessy, Veronica, Britney, Sherry, Amanda). Getting fitted for backpacking backpacks, buying backpacking gear... SHIT BE EXPEEENSIVE. For my birthday weekend, me, Jessy and Veronica headed to LA and got to spend the entire time just being gluttonous, going to disneyland, being housed by Johnny Ta. Never felt so carefreee and wreckless with my money. and whoa, I just remembered now.. i was STILL vegan at this time! We went to this $$$ vegan sushi place.. had vegan take out.. dude my friends are so cool to have gone through 2 years of dealing with my lifestyle choices hahaha.

APRIL

I started my BSN online school this month. Had 2 interviews and got both jobs. Got the job at DMC and right after I got the OK that I got accepted, I QUIT THAT B-ass job and vowed to go a little bit crazy and treat myself to 4 months of doing whatever the F I wanted (they told me my start date would be in July). It was Tien’s birthday, and he wanted to go to Pismo so we did. He rented out this hugeass house and we had a house full of 20 people but somehow we all still had beds. Me and veronica sand dune buggied for the first time and stayed safe while everyone else was being wreckless AF. Went to Fresno for my baby niece’s birthday. Hiked mission peak. Went to Hometown heroes for the first time. Went to the outlets with Jayne. And wtf.. it says here on my calendar I went to Vegas??? Wuuut. With who LOL.

---- ok so i had to reupload snapchat to my phone just to see if I had documented it in any way. AND I DID. This vegas trip was supposed to be celebrating one of the newer girls’ birthdays, but me, kat, and tiahs flight got delayed for days so we ended up going to that club. The club where I saw YOU for the first time in 5ever and realized that hey, you are one cutie. But I didn’t think much of it then, just that I remembered you were the first guy I recognized as cute for the first time in what seemed like forever at that time. So long since I had found anyone cute that it was something I HAD to document and tell my girlfriends about because it had felt like such a huge milestone. That I was finding some attraction to someone physically for the first time in years. Maybe that’s why I was so drawn to you in the first place, when I saw your snapchat pop up just a few weeks later. (but too bad you didn’t feel the same about meeee that night lololol)

MAY

What a fun month. My big bro took me to True food Kitchen where we had the BEST vegan flan, it was insane. We have to try it if we ever go. I went to Utah/Arizona with my parents for 2 weeks. Saw the ‘seven magic mtns’ in vegas, went to see a LOT of red rock, hiked my first water hike into a canyon (kanarraville falls), went 4wheel driving into a desolute absolute no service area to a place called White Pocket which was absolutely beautiful. Saw horseshoe bend, went to grand staircase-escalante for the coolest canyon hike I’ve ever attempted where you have to squeeze through the small canyon walls (remind me to show my snap story from this day to you someday), hiked to see waterfalls. Damn looking back.. I was pretty active this month. In just one week after coming back from Utah, only had to head out again to Havasupai with the girls. We flew into vegas, got our rental van, drove it to Arizona, slept in the van (but i couldn’t). Woke up at 3-4am to start our hike into the Indian reservation. Made it to the campsite at noon (after taking a faaatass 3 hr break at the village). Saw the most beautiful waterfalls I’ve ever seen in my life. Hiked back, drove to horse shoe bend, saw antelope canyon, then trekked it back to vegas to have the most amazing “last hoorah” if you may call it that. Because not only was it my last trip in vegas to document to this day, but it was the best because it was 100% free and we had complimentary tables and bottle service the entire damn weekend. It was also the time your name finally popped up on my snap. I added you, but you never got to see my last day in vegas snaps go through LOL. Good thing though, you woulda just seen a bunch of bad singing to loud alesso songs. Straight after this weekend, I had Lemonade for the first time with Arielle (what an expensive ass place LOL). Jeez what a jam packed month. I can’t believe that was literally just a year ago.

JUNE

~~~~ exciting things start to happen

June was the month when we started texting. I planned my whole solo LA trip to see the Kingdom Hearts Orchestra, and I remember I was texting you the entire time. JUNE 17 [i marked it in my calender] was our first lunch/ idk date at the korean place. Ugh so crazy, it’s SO SO crazy that here I am writing this post on June 2, 2018, when our first real interaction was just 11 months and 2 weeks ago. Time flies. What a successful first meal together. I remember being so nervous because I didn’t want to scare you off by the fact that I didn’t eat meat and that I was barely starting to eat fish again (in preparation for Hawaii). We had the most amazing lunch partnered with no phones, just plain conversation. It was seriously just so nice. and so innocent. I knew at that moment that I was in dangerous waters, feeling so attracted to you and not knowing how to deal with these new emotions I haven’t felt in so long. But I was accepting and ready for whatever was to come.

I ended up going to Hawaii for 2 weeks (Kauai|Oahu). We were playing loads of phone tag here. I feel like both of us were drinking, trying to build up liquid courage and give us a reason to talk late at night on the phone. I remember you texted me once this month too something like “so why doesn’t someone like you have a boyfriend?” :p Ugh, it makes me smile just thinking of how we were when we were just barely starting.

JULY

I went to my classmate Sarah’s wedding. I think at this time I was already smitten by you and our random phone calls here and there. JULY 11 ~~ (again written on my planner) was our ICHI date. I personally didn’t know what to expect from this, if it was a date or not. When you put your arm around me when walking to that ice cream place (smitten?), to us awkwardly trying to cozy up at your house watching those movies. Me being an alcoholic just tryna BRING SOME LIQUID COURAGE into our lives. HAHA do you remember how you wouldn’t kiss me after I *ahem*? Ohhhhh how times have changed.

Because of how well this date went, (and how we both knew you were leaving so soon already to socal), we halfhazardly made a new date on July 15, to go to Land’s End. I remember all I wanted to do was just see you again. Confirm if that night was just a fluke or if there really was something there. I didn’t plan to stay that night..... but I did. And there we went, kissing for hours and hours until I had to go. (can you believe I went to 6flags the following day, i was fucking crazy man). You officially moved to Anaheim shortly after this... I wasn’t sure when the next time I would see you next (IF I would even see you again). But I’m so sosooo happy we remained in contact, probably even stronger than ever, with late night calls, constant texting. I went to the John Mayer concert with my big bro at the end of this month and I remember I just could not stop talking about you or to Johnny Ta about you (since he came up for the concert as well). I was soooooo sprung (i still am soooo sprung babe). Talking with you was so exciting. I feel like my personality had been brightening up with each passing day we got to know each other more.

AUGUST

I don’t know how it happened, but I decided I was going to drive to see you that one fateful weekend (August 12-15). I had already started my job just 2 weeks prior, but already I wanted to drive down to see this guy I went on 3 dates with? Ugh. I am SO glad I did. I remember feeling so uncertain if things were gonna pick up from where they left off.. if things were going to be awkward.. if we were going to be “fuckbuddies” or something more. I needed moral support, so I made plans to see Veronica that first day I came. We ate at EMC, went to the OC fair, then headed to the packing house to drink a little at kettle bar. Met up with Blake and then you finally showed up and man, what. a. whirlwind. of a night. Headsup, drinking, lots of snowboarding, you attacking my neck/face while I was trying to brush my teeth... I remember specificially at THIS moment, I felt like we were already SO comfortable with each other. Everything just flowed so easily. From the way we kissed, to the way we brushed teeth next to each other, from the way we slept together (for the first time), to the way we cuddled in bed. It felt SO natural for me. (I wonder how it felt for you). I felt like it was such a big deal too... everyoneeee knew my business at this time. I feel like every single one of my friends became such huge supporters of me “putting myself out there” after I had been solitary and avoiding all men for so long. I had created such a persona for myself that even blake and veronica the following morning thought that we didn’t even do it. Which was fine with me (although down there I was a little bit dying already. felt like I had lost my vcard all over again tbh). Waited for you to get off, and you took me to Tanakaya for the first time. Then we headed to the 626 night market. Went home and drank whooo knows what that night that we had to go get pho the following morning and brodards to top it all off. Remember waiting in line for hours for that .86 cent coffee? We ended up taking a nap then going to Laguna Beach before deciding to go to Kang Hodong for the vurry first time. Damn, all these lowkey traditions were formed just from this first weekend together, now that I’m reflecting on it all. The next day was when I had to leave... we had tanakaya (AGAIN), then I had to head back home :’(. And I remember feeling so... sad. I realized I felt so so excited and full of happiness being with you.

But crazy enough, you came to visit me in Modesto literally less than a week later. I was wearing my Burgundy scrubs, we went to get Crown Royal.. I’m sure you remember how the rest of night goes. Damn we were all up on that yayyy this whole beginning of our relationship LOL.

Then literally 5 days later on August 25, I came to see you in SJ, got hyped up on too much black coffee, watched HIMYM, met your parents, ate at sushi confidential.. We already seemed to have done so much in so little time, but I wasn’t complaining. Even though we werent official, or even had the talk of wondering what we were, all I knew is that I just needed to keep seeing you, and I didn’t care how.

SEPTEMBER

SEPTEMBER 3 ~~ aka labor day weekend, another 4 days I had off work. I had Guads for the first time! Chilaquiles. I think this weekend was when I literally had to study for my EKG test. I tried 1/2 of my first sweetbird sandwich. Went to that one vietnamese place MY’s kitchen with Hieu, David, and Michael. Had my first Michelada and was like whoooa, this beer is meant for my taste buds.

I tried out the wine bar here in modesto based off Yosemite with Cassandra. Such a cute place, I would totally take you here someday.

This was a pretty jam packed month at work for me. I had tons of tests going on and all I wanted to do was be finished with it because I wanted to see you again.

SEPTEMBER 29 ~ I flew down to SD to get picked up by veronica to head to LA. We were housed again by Johnny Ta after we hiked up this “wisdom tree trail” and saw the psychic who told me that me and you are soulmates. Even though I knew I was taking this time to bond with my friends, you were the only thing that consumed my mind. I just wanted to talk to you, be with you, call you to hear your voice.

OCTOBER

OCTOBER 1-3 ~~ Veronica drove me to fatty tuna and you ENTRUSTED ME WITH YOUR CAR for the first time. The next day, we tried Meiji Seimen before going to the Botanical Gardens and going to Newport Beach. Interesting enough, I don’t have many pictures of this weekend... so I can’t remember much of what we did. But this trend of us drinking a lot LOL jeeeezzuhs. This was a very very short trip, but I was so happy I got to see you. EVEN THOUGH I already made plans to see you just a week later.

OCTOBER 8-12 ~ we went to Sun Non Dang with Drew and Wonnie(?) for that galbi jim that i wanna try ohhhh so bad again. After, we went to Puzzle Bar where I met Kevin. This was a weekend where you were starting to work a lot a lot at sweetbird so we really didn’t have too much time together. It was also when that huge fire happened in the hills that caused that apocolyptic looking sky when I went to have orange roll sushi during one of your lunch breaks. (we went to try out that indian place the next day too and tanakaya for dinner). Although we didn’t get to spend a real day together this trip, it really was everything to be there for you to come home to. We WERENT EVEN OFFICIAL HERE YET, but I felt like we had something real.

OCTOBER 20 <33333 ~ was our planned staycation in san mateo. the time where you slept in through your alarms and missed your morning flight :p. We had brunch with your mom, headed to burlingame, went to eat at b street & vine, and i asked you out with a card I made. #makinmoves

This day was fulll of wonddderrrrful lovemakin, ugh. The couch...the table..the king sized bed... the blackout curtains. We had shabu before I had to say goodbye :(

NOVEMBER

My calender says I visited you Nov 1-6, but I don’t have any recollection of what we did :c. Maybe someday I’ll go through my harddrive and try to find out...

I went to Napa with Jessy this mid November! We had the BEST pasta I’ve ever had in my life (MUST TAKE YOU), so much wine. i trimmed my hair for the first time in 3 years. I randomly got my car November 17 out of necessity from my truck tires being unreliable.

I went to visit you Nov 19-22 (again another trip I don’t have any pics from rn...) and we flew back together Wednesday morning! I think this is when I watched stranger things season 2 at your parents house, we went out with the guys, and the next morning was thanksgiving (when I had to work) and we had that amaaazing *** in the bathroom hehe. Right before eating at that vietnamese hotpot place. I had to say goodbye to you yet again... i sang to you that eric bellinger song (what you want). I knew I was going to see you literally a week later, so I was excited. Just had to work 5 days and I knew I would be with you again.

DECEMBER

This was my first 8 day trip visiting you and it was JAM. PACKED. This was when we made an LA trip to go see Museum of Ice cream, LACMA, went to the counter for the beyond burger. The fail to see the sunset at griffith observatory. Disneyland with Jayne/JJ, Anny and her boo. The day after disneyland, you had work until dinnertime where we went to NANA SAN, and had omakase with jj and jayne. Again, I think Im gonna have to go through my harddrive and see what other pictures I may possibly have to remind me more about this weekend, but it’s all a little bit hazy for me right now.

Jessy’s bday was this month. Ate at her workplace Kokkari, saw the christmas tree at union square.

I went to visit you Dec 17-20, you gifted me the calpak that I use now everyyyyytime I travel thank you baby. We also ate at sushi confidential with Vanessa. (THIS WAS ALSO THE TIME I WAS STARTING TO GET SICK AND I WAS SICK THAT ENTIRE DAY CUS OF THOSE HOT CHEETO CURDS)

I worked for days in a row but had christmas off, which was when I came to visit you and your family. Had dinner at your aunt/uncles place. The next day you made ratatouile and we had taco night at your house. And boy was I sick.... This was probably the fastest sickness I had ever experienced surprisingly. Typically, I will cough for weeks... but idk, maybe you just took care of me well :)

I then had to say bye to you just for a couple more days before getting to visit you just in time for our first NEW YEARS EVE!

AND THAT, is my 2017 recap. Going through it now, I can only see how much of an impact you have had in my life right from the very very start when we first “met.” I am so happy to have met you and I can’t believe how lucky I am to be cared for and loved by somebody so amazing as you.

I have so much more to say, and so much more love to give, but i started writing this at 2, and it is now 350AM, T__T.

I am gonna try to head to sleep now, I can’t wait to hear your voice in the morning. I LOVE YOU OTTER. You’re seriously the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

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mail-uh-knee · 8 years ago

Text

Hey.

Hey. I know you're probably not going to read this ever because you never get on tumblr. I just want to say that I hope you're doing really good, and I mean that. I wish I could tag you in things that make me think of you like the good old days. I would text you but I don't want to distract you from school or anything so I'm putting a post on tumblr instead. I'll be lying if I didn't say I miss you. Believe it or not I still dream about you. I hope you never read this because this would be very pathetic for me. I know you would tell me "i told you so." Or something that would make me feel like really shitty. But I knew your intentions. I knew you were trying to make me go back to school and I really appreciate it. There isn't a day I don't think about you. You're always in the back of my mind. I think, will he ever try to reach out, or will I be just a regret? I think the second part is more accurate. It's crazy how you took 3 years out of my life and I feel like you took my whole life. I'm never going to tell you this because I don't want you to feel pity for me, or feel like you won. I'm saying this because it's the truth. I don't hate you but sometimes I wish things weren't going so great for you. You always seem so positive on twitter and so happy and it literally kills me. But another part of me (the part that loves you and really cares for you) is saying "I'm so proud of you! I want you to succeed and push yourself, push yourself above your limits!" There is so many things I want to keep saying but you're never going to read this. If you are...sorry lol. I am not in a good state. I'm not happy. I can honestly say that right now, I am fucking miserable. I have never struggled with my self worth my whole life as much as i am right now. But I can say, I feel my change, I feel that I am slowly becoming a tough bitch. im slowly stepping out of my comfort zone. Why am I wasting my time making this post at 12:34 am? Why not post it on Facebook, or twitter or any other social media? Because I don't want attention from others. I just have a little hope that you will read this. I am not asking you to text me back or to take me back. I just want to tell you that I hope you're doing okay and every time I see a fucking cat I think of you. I hate you for that because "cats are fucking everywhere". (Secretive subtweet). My friends that I hope are not reading this probably think I am an idiot but I don't care tbh lol. My post probably won't make sense to you or to anyone who took the time to read this, but this post makes sense to me. This is my way of saying that I am tired of feeling guilty and horrible about what I am doing or what I am not doing. From now on I am doing things for me. Literally this whole text doesn't fucking make sense and I clearly don't know what to say. I hope people never take the time to read everything I posted. But I have been thinking about all this. Everything that is here I thought and wanted to text you. But I didn't because I don't want to seem weak to you. Ever. I don't want you to ever fucking look down on me. Just because you're going to school and have a job, and have real "responsibilities" you think you're better than me? Who are you to judge someone? I can literally write this in my notes on my phone but at least I have a chance for you to read this. Will I ever get the courage to text you? It better yet post this stupid text on tumblr? Which I highly doubt you'll ever fucking read? I won't text you. And you won't text me because we both know what is best for us. We both know that if we get back together it won't work again. But god damn it I wish we would fight and we could pretend that this never happened and go back to the days were we were so in love. I was so foolishly in love with you. I've never been so stupid for anyone. I just wanted to remind you that you fucking stole a huge chunk out of my heart. If you were to ask me to get back with you I'd probably say yes because I'm a fucking idiot! Hahaha. I hope my misery brings you happiness. Because I want you to be happy. I'm not really sure where my text is going honestly. Fuck I just want to delete everything I wrote and not post it because none of it makes any fucking sense and I know no one is going to read it because it's too god damn long now! 887 words later and yet I don't post. I probably should have stopped right about half way through my post but I'm not going to post this anymore. I feel like a fucking idiot. You always knew how to take the best out of me. Idk this just needed to be said. I hate you but I love you more. Bye! I hope you're doing good! Say hi to your mom and I hope your family is doing great. Fuck it I'm posting it. Who can stop me I've seen worse on tumblr. Hopefully my next post will make sense. This is what you do to me. If you do read this. Like it so I know? Or if you don't read it. It's okay this will just be an awful post that I am going to look back to and think, "why would I post that?!" I'm in my 20's and I'm stepping out of my comfort zone.

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