#I’m going to sleep after thsi post

[blorbos-from-my-trains]

[Cogito, ergo sum.]

-

Musings of a stowaway, and it’s experience of being trapped, as well as it’s motives and desires. (And a change in its perception of its identity.)

or, a quick disjointed 3am writing of sorts from an unconventional point of view. Based on @waywardstation’s Train of Thought collaborative AU, thank you for the plot worms that refuse to leave <3

Warnings for: identity issues, existential crises/horror, headspace typical weirdness, and an unreliable-ish narrator(?) (ask to add warnings if I’ve forgotten some)

-

It’s first experience was of pain. Of being torn asunder and rendered powerless. Ripped away from what was once it’s divinity, it’s power, it felt insignificant. It had only wanted to live. To be free. It had lashed out, what else could it do. It wanted the pain to stop, to feel something, anything. Yet only the sounds of shattering glass and crushed metal greeted them.

The Conductor, of course he wasn’t called the Conductor then, but he would happen upon eventually, inevitably. Any and all threats towards the Station Master was to be removed, or eliminated. He did not take kindly to the intruder, there was no sympathy, only the cold efficiency of a guard. How cruel he was, to stamp out something that only wanted to live. It was still strong, but it would be disconnected from the rest of the vessel, a double edged sword the action. Leaving the guardian weakened, but the parasite isolated.

‘Was it evil?’ It would wonder, ‘Was it evil by simply obeying its nature? It’s desire to live? By simply being what it was?’ The fragmented memories did not answer it, cold and unfeeling as the rest of the station. Old memories playing over and over again, looping senselessly, like a broken tape. It was nothing but resourceful, once it’s pain subsided. It would learn to use the station controls just as well as the Conductor did, even if it was constrained to these compartments alone.

It would learn from these looping memories, learn of the sun, the feeling of its rays, the rumble of trains running on tracks, the love between friends and family, of rain, of grass, of trust, of being wanted and loved. It would began to yearn for these things as well, their rage once subdued, now risen again by the perceived injustice of it all. ‘Why could it not experience these things as well? Why was it locked away? Why did it have to be in pain?’

Why?

Why?

Why?

This wasn’t fair.

Surely it was someone as well, it could think, it could feel. It was just as real as those in those memories. It wanted to be trusted, it wanted to be loved. It did not remember a time from Before, of what it was. All it did remember was pain, pain, pain-

Was it Ingo? Or simply part of the Station Master, a locked away and forgotten fragment of a being? It had to be, otherwise what other reason would it have to be here? It had to be, because if it wasn’t, it would be purged. And it did not want to die.

How cruel that Conductor, to keep it from its memories, to let it starve and rot and fester. It would have to remedy that, even if it was by force. It was Ingo, and that was that.

(It did not want to face the alternative if it was it not. It did not want to die. It had only wanted to live.)

(And there is nothing more dangerous than a cornered and frightened animal.)

[summertime4k]

look at me, not posting at ungodly hours of the night lol anyways

hey guys !! here’s a dadboyhalo and sapnap oneshot !!

yes, thsi is me letting my daddy issues show now SHHH AND ENJOY THIS

I'm Nothing Like You

“Bad!!” Sapnap yelled, backing away from his father when he saw him slowly get closer to him, hand coming between them. “This isn't like you!”

“Oh, really? Sapnap?” He raised his hands up in defense, anger visible in his eyes, “I’m just doing what’s best for everyone! I’m doing what’s best for you!”

Sapnap let out a laugh, shaking his head repeatedly, “Don’t- don’t come at me with that bullshit, Bad. You and I both know that what you’re doing is- is - is selfish!”

His father locked eyes with him. Sending fear down his spine as Bad stared him down with a look that could kill him in a matter of seconds. “Selfish? You think that what I’ve done is...selfish?” the space between them slowly trickled away as Bad got more and more angry. Scaring the son and making cowar more and more into the shell he hid behind.

“What have you done this entire time, Sapnap? You’re best friend turned out to be a war criminal who is now in prison, his lover is off sleeping to get away from the real world, one of your fiance’s disappears randomly; slowly seeming to lose himself each time he comes back, the other one goes radio silent and then reappears- challenging the thing I work for most.

“And what have you done? Your entire world is crumbling right in front of you!!” Bad grabbed his son’s shoulders, slightly shaking him as if he was asleep, “It’s all coming downhill for you, and you aren’t doing anything about it! I offer help. a way to fix your world, and I ask for one simple thing...and you can’t even do that.”

Sapnap simply stood there, his feet feeling frozen in place, tears pricking at his eyes the more he realized his father was right.

What was he doing? He’s simply been either running away from his problems or ignoring them, acting as though nothing was happening. Like nothing was going wrong in his life. When in reality, almost everything is wrong. “Bad- “

“Listen, Sap,” he let go of Sapnap’s shoulders, breathing in and fixing his composure before he continued speaking, “I know that can be overwhelming. Believe me! I know how it feels!” Bad ruffled with Sapnap’s hair, knowing how much he liked it as a child, “trust me, The Egg can fix all your problems...all you have to do, is join The Egg. That’s all you have to do…”

Sapnap turned to the tower, eyeing the red vines that surrounded it. Contrasting thoughts running through his head the more he thought about The Egg, Bad, his fiance’s, his friends- it all did seem overwhelming. But was it worth giving his mind and life over to some egg? Was it worth not knowing what would happen to the people he cared about because his mind would be occupied by something that wasn’t him?

If the egg really would grant him what he truly desires, then he wouldn’t need to worry about keeping everyone he loves safe. He wouldn’t need to keep running away from his problems- he’d just be handing them over to the egg…

He would just be handing them over to the egg…

Handing them over instead of just dealing with them…

Sapnap looked up at his father, shook his head, making Bad’s hand move away from his head and fall back to Bad’s side.

“No”

“No?”

He wiped the tear that accidentally fallen down, breathing in sharply before looking deep into Bad’s eyes, “No. I’m nothing like you. I don’t just hand my problems over to some stupid fucking egg to solve.”

“Sapnap.”

“When was the last time you asked me what I wanted? It’s always what you want!” Sapnap began to walk away, but came to a stop when Bad began talking again.

“You will regret talking like that about The Egg.” Bad put his sword back in the scabbard he had. Beginning to walk backwards towards the tower.

“You’re no son of mine.”

A sting went straight into Sapnap’s heart the moment those words left his fathers mouth. His hand went into a fist, nodding and finally leaving the other.

As he walked away, he felt the tears that managed to not come out start to spill from his eyes. Sapnap started to run when he deemed he was far enough from Bad’s vision.

He ran and ran, his head paying no attention to the time, and how heavy he was breathing, followed with the pain from his feet and chest. From time to time, his hands went up to his face to wipe away his tear stained cheeks. He was panting, gasping for air when he finally stopped running.

Structure after structure, memory after memory, Sapnap was straying farther and farther away from the Dream SMP. Paying no mind to his location at all until he could feel his legs and lungs give out.

Falling down to his knees, he hid his face in the palm of his hands, letting out choked out sobs. Sapnap looked around himself, feeling lost while his eyes scanned the snow filled biome he stopped at. His body felt hot in contrast to the coldness from the snowflakes that fell around him,

Feeling hot or cold was the last thing Sapnap could focus on. His mind was a kaleidoscope of all his problems. Flashing in front of him, full force with no stop in between for him to breathe. It was all too fast. Everything was too fast for him. No space to breathe. Only him. Alone.

“FUCK!!” He screamed, throwing a random fire charge at an innocent tree. Sapnap’s hands went to his head, to which he began to hit out of frustration. Kicking and shaking his head, he let out failed screams and cries.

He turned around and lied on the harsh freezing ground, colliding with his face that was scorching hot. The snow slowly began turning to water, mixing with his tears the more he cried. His arms longed for something- or someone to hold. So he hugged himself instead, thinking more and more about his fiance’s, best friends, and father.

“I want my life back!” he screamed in a whisper to himself, “I want my dad...I want Quackity, Karl, George, Dream, Bad, Skeppy, Punz- I want them all back!!” Sapnap’s hand unwrapped itself from his waist, only to hit the snow in front of him. Making it splash on his face, upsetting him furthermore.

“S-Sapnap?...”

Sapnap hid against his fists, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone. He shook his head and pushed it further into the melting snow, feeling no energy in talking.

“Sap...it’s me - it’s Quackity…”

Following the voice, his head lifted up, feeling lightheaded as he tried collecting his thoughts. “Quack?’

Quackity dropped the backpack he was carrying, he knelt down in front of Sapnap’s head and softly raised his hand, asking for permission to even get close to him. When the crying boy nodded, Quackity carefully placed his hand on top of Sapnap’s head, running his hands through his lover's hair. “Do you need a hug?”

Sapnap nodded quickly.

Understanding, he brought Sapnap closer to him, hugging him tightly. Quackity softly blew a breath to Sapnap’s forehead, knowing it helped him calm down. He looked up at Ossium and back down to Sapnap, kissing the side of his head as he continued petting it soothingly. “Hey, Sap, you want to go home?”

“please…”

[femslashy]

begin again | chapter two

one | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine | masterpost | ao3 | playlist

It’s been three years since Baz left the sleepy Isle of Mage to attend university in London, and he hasn’t regretted a thing--except maybe leaving Simon behind. Convinced he’ll never be forgiven, Baz refuses to even visit until a frantic phone call from his stepmother sends him running home. Once there, Baz is forced to confront his past, question the future, and maybe, just maybe, get that second chance he’s always desired.

genre(s): angst+fluff+smut (in later chapters)

chapter length: 1743 words

triggers/warnings: none for this chapter

author’s note: a giant thank you to @amandaisnotwriting & @rainbowbaz for the beta/britpicking! full acknowledgments will be posted with the last chapter

(@arituzz​ i meant to get this chapter out on your birthday and i didn’t but it’s still dedicated to you 💜💜 happy belated bday!!)

I’m still here.

I’m still in Watford, still on the island, and I tell myself it’s because Daphne is anxious and scared, and won’t leave my father’s side. I tell myself it’s so Andrea can have a holiday alone with her girlfriend without me third-wheeling. I tell myself it's because my siblings miss me.

(I tell myself and I tell myself and I tell myself, like if I do it enough, I might actually be telling the truth.)

On the subject of Daphne, I’d nearly given her a heart attack of her own when I came down for breakfast my second day back with bruises under my eyes and swelling around my nose. She wouldn’t stop stealing glances at me as I ate my eggs, but didn’t ask any questions. (Not that I would have told her anything. As far as my parents knew, Simon and I were secondary school rivals who could barely stand to be in the same room together.) (I never bothered to correct them when those circumstances changed.)

One week—and many cold compresses from Vera—later, the swelling is gone, but the bruising still remains. I scrunch up my face at my reflection in the mirror, hissing as I remember why I shouldn't do that. Fuck Simon.

I’d just wanted to push him a bit, see if he would yell. In hindsight, I should have seen it coming. Simon’s never fought with his words, and me egging him on could have only ended one way. I just wish it hadn’t involved my nose.

I haven’t shown Andrea yet. I’m afraid she’ll think it’s the reason I’ve cancelled on  our holiday. Maybe I should, actually. Then I won’t have to admit the real (much worse) reason. Except she’d just cover up the bruises and drag me to the beach anyway—one of the downsides of being friends with a makeup artist; you can never get out of social gatherings because of your appearance. (That doesn’t mean I don’t try.) (It never works.)

After determining my reflection a lost cause, I leave the bathroom, bumping into Daphne in the hallway.

“Oh, Baz,” she says once she notices it’s me, “I was just looking for you. Can you take the twins to football club again today?”

I nod, because of course I will.  I can’t say I intended to spend my hols as a nanny, but I’m finding that I don’t mind all that much. It gives me something to do. (It gives me excuses.)

Normally Daphne would be the one taking them places, but  my father’s heart attack had shaken her more than I’d initially realised. According to Vera, she’d been out shopping for most of the day when it happened—apparently she and my father had a row—and she’d returned just in time to see him being loaded onto an ambulance.

She’s been glued to his side since he came home. As if on cue, Cecily and Roseline—my six year old half-sisters—come tumbling out of their room. They’re followed closely by Winston, Daphne’s black and tan corgi, who makes a beeline for me almost immediately. I brace myself for an assault on my ankles, but before he can get to me Daphne’s scooping him up, admonishing him in sickening baby talk while he licks at her face. “Why is that dog so obsessed with me?” “He just wants to be your friend,” she replies, and I frown—I don’t like dogs, and I especially don’t like Winston. (This has done nothing to dissuade his love for me.)

“I don’t want to be his friend.”

Daphne just shakes her head and laughs—like she always does when I voice my opinion on her dog—and looks past me at the twins. “Are you two ready to go?”

They nod.

“Do you have your bags ready?”

Wide-eyed, they run off—presumably in the direction of the bags, and I grab the keys, rolling my eyes at Daphne as she tries to get Winston to give me a kiss goodbye.

***

We’re barely out of the garage when Cecily lunges forward and shoves a CD in my face. “Play this.”

“No,” I say flatly as I bat it away, “no, we are not listening to One Direction. And put on your seatbelt.”

“But you said no yesterday. And the day before,” she whines.

“And I’m saying it again: no.” “I’ll tell Mum you’re being mean.” “I don’t care.” “I’ll scream.” “I’d rather listen to that. Seatbelt. Now.”

“You’re in trouble,” Roseline sing-songs; Cecily drops the CD and swats at her.

“Cece! Leave her alone,” I snap.

Roseline looks smug, and Cecily sulks and kicks my seat. “I want my music.” “Put your seatbelt on.”

She does. “Can I have my music now?”

“No.”

She continues to kick my seat for the duration of the trip, sticking her tongue out whenever I glance in the rearview mirror.

It’s a long drive.

***

As soon as we arrive, the twins jump out of the car and run to the pitch, screaming and jumping around once they reach their friends. I go to say hello to Coach Minos; only it’s not Coach Minos standing next to the watercooler. It’s Simon.

“What are you doing here?”

He jumps, and the ball he’d been bouncing on his knees falls to the ground. “Hey, Baz.”

“What are you doing here?” I repeat. “Where’s Coach Minos?”

Simon shrugs. “Dunno. He just asked me to fill in, so I am.”

“But you’re terrible at football.”

“I still know how to play,” he says defensively, “I can still help. And I’m not that terrible.”

I scoff. “I think we played enough together for me to be a fair judge.”

As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I’m remembering how those games usually ended—with tackles and kisses and me accusing him of cheating. (Judging by the look on Simon’s face, so is he.)

“I, um, I have to go now. The kids need me. I’ll be…” he points in the direction of the pitch, “there.”

“Right. And I’ll be…” I gesture to the stands where the other parents are sat, “there.”

Simon nods and jogs off. I force myself not to watch his retreating figure (or the way his back muscles flex under his shirt) and find a place to sit down, away from everyone. I spend the next hour pretending to be engrossed with my phone, and trying not to stare at Simon.

(I don’t succeed.)

***

After that, Simon is everywhere.

At the pharmacy when I’m picking up Mordelia’s allergy medication. At the bakery where he swipes two of my scones. Still filling in for Coach Minos at the twins’ football club. Running on the beach where I’m playing with Alfie. Stopping his run to build a sandcastle with Alfie. Knocking over said sandcastle with Alfie and immediately earning himself a best friend for life. (Which isn’t that impressive, considering Alfie’s three and loves everyone.)

I’m lying on the floor in my room when my phone buzzes in my jacket pocket, alerting me to a new message from Andrea, my flatmate back in London. (I suppose you could call her my best friend—she does—but that’s such a juvenile term that I avoid it whenever possible.) (Which is always.)

hows the isle of exbfs

Don’t call it that. Boring.

masochist just come home if its that terrible

I didn’t say it was terrible.

I almost pocket my phone then, mostly because I don’t want to deal with her questions right now, and a little bit because I’m afraid I’ll spill everything.

Andrea’s shockingly good at getting me to confess things.

I saw Simon today.

(Sometimes without even trying.)

!!! is that good??

My fingers hover over the screen as I contemplate my answer. I don’t know

are u going to see him again?? I’m not. wht not??? *why

Because it’s not like that. I didn’t mean to see him.

but u wanted to u wanted to see him right??

It’s not like that. We’re not like that.

but u want to be I don’t want to talk about it. Her next message is just a picture, one of those inspirational quotes that she’s so fond of. It reads: Everything you want is on the other side of fear. The paper is grey and the frame is black, stark against the white wall. It’s very aesthetic, very Andrea, and very much not what I want to think about right now.  I scowl as I type my response. I’m not scared. She responds with a gif of a laughing duck. alright luv And it’s not what you think. I don’t want Simon. who mentioned wanting simon ths isnt about wanting simon Andrea. i didnt bring up wanting simon u brought up wanting god baz stop talking about wanting simon all the time its embarrassing ur better than thsi grosd *gross baz baz basil dont be scared basil basilton bazzybazzybazzy i know ur reading these philippa says i need to leave you alone now oh she just took her top off what a clever distraction

The messages stop after that (thank you Philippa), and I set my phone back on my stomach. The floor isn’t the most comfortable place to lie down, but I can’t bring myself to get on the bed. It’s bad enough that I have to sleep there, in the ancient four-poster, with its dark red canopy, and gargoyles. (An excessive amount of gargoyles, really.)

I’m weighing up the pros and cons of sleeping on the floor when I feel a new message coming through. I snort and pick it up to tease Andrea about finishing too quickly—except it’s not from her.

I didn’t even know Simon still had my number, if I’m honest, and my heart is pounding in my ears as I read his words.

If I answer this, if I say yes, then we’ll cross the line from casual-friends-who-bump-into-each-other-sometimes to Friends Who Text, and there’ll be no going back—not without the potential for fallout. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I even want to do. My hands are shaking so badly that I can feel my phone beginning to slip from my grasp.

Everything you want is on the other side of fear. I take a deep breath, curse Andrea for jinxing me, and reply.

chapter three 

[sadrien]

wanna chat? pt. 15

on ao3 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15

wow has it been A Week

i have two tests in a few hours and i have so many notes left and calc problems and i'm dying so have this!

there are two links in the chapter and i know you're probably like. why would i click those? i mean i wouldn’t trust me either, but i swear they're fine. ignore the first if you'd like, but if you don't click the second you're probably going to be fairly confused? you'll see what i mean

this is extra long because i'm feeling extra procrastinate-y

(sorting hat = nino, cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub = alya, dipshit = adrien, ahHHH = mari)

i'm off to fail. enjoy~

3:23

sorting hat: what the fuck was i thinking were french wed go to beauxbatons oh also @alya akuma attack

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: but thats bORING wait what fuCK WHEN I FINALLY DECID E 2 SLEPE

sorting hat: please dont leave the house im too tired

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: …. nino what the fuck is thsi akuma

sorting hat: why would i know???

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: bc i dont

sorting hat: love that 3 in the morning logic

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: all thats on the forums is pics of it stacking cars??????????? @hawkmoth wyd

sorting hat: being a dick probably

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: ok tru oooo something new in the inbox of the ladyblog make ur bets now

sorting hat: i say random theory

dipshit: Fanart duh

sorting hat: bro!!! youre up!! <3

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: gm marshmallow my love

sorting hat: howd you wake up? did the akuma get close to your house and finally make noise or osmething?

dipshit: Oh I never went to bed

sorting hat: …

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: what the SHI T SLEEP BOI

dipshit: Trust me, I would’ve if I wanted to

sorting hat: mari is the only one of us with any sense

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: shes a smart one

dipshit: Yeah Anyway what’s in the inbox

sorting hat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VRr9NG7RE0

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: thank u bab much appreciated but also ur a nerd anyway its wait waht ths hit hlyk fucik

sorting hat: uhhhh alya you ok??

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: i S HTIS  AK JOKE IMS TCARED TO CPIICK IT

dipshit: Well what is it??

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: IS T A FICKUING VIDOE WITH CHANT OIRS  FACE AS THE THUMBLNAIL FIFS:DKLFJ:SDLKFJQWIUE:C:KJGK:SJ

sorting hat: wait like like he shot it himself??

dipshit: That’s some dedication is it like mid-akuma fight or something

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: ahhhHHH I DON TKNOW I HAVNE TWATCHED IT YET its itS THE M TEHY METION ME MOM HOL Y FCUK i can t;breakt h im oginna die nsow WAITN I NEDD TO POST

sorting hat: please dont die on us yo send me the link fam

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: DINOSUAR SCREEEECH  

dipshit: Did you mean pterodactyl screech

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: DO U THISNK I CAN SPELL THAT NR

dipshit: Honestly I didn’t even spell it right I had to use spellcheck

sorting hat: smh fake fan i bet you cant even name ten dinosaurs

dipshit: Do you want me to try???

sorting hat: no no i do not not right now maybe after school

dipshit: Does spelling count

sorting hat: yup scientific names only too bro no long neck bullshit

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: ladyblog.tumblr.com/post/324367743289/update-from-the-favs ICAHT STOP YELLING IM SO GETITN G INTORUBLE FOR BEIGS O LOUD BUT HOLY SHI T

sorting hat: dang they look exhaust ed and that akuma really is just stacking cars

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: i need a flashing gif thatj us tsays LADYNOIR IS CANON

sorting hat: bro thi s is so accurate to staying up until 3 am tho

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: HE CALLED HER PERFEC T

dipshit: Missed pun opportunity Could’ve said purrfect

sorting hat: im kicking you out

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: MARHSMALLOW I LIVOE U also i think theyr right about it being a kid

sorting hat: but like lb said its really late

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: i mean tru

sorting hat: it looks like theyre building a castel or somethng

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: a fortress!!!

sorting hat: yeah!!!

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: to protect them from d r a g o n s or scary things

sorting hat: yo it couldve just been a kid with a nightmare if you by that

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: god whne the girls have a nightmare its ROUGH sometiems nothing will get them back to bed cant blame them i mean one of  the things that helps them is drwing nightmares fuk i woudlnt want to go back to sleep either

dipshit: The akumas building a fortress huh?

sorting hat: idk man we arent talking to the akuma ask chat

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: oh yeah no that failed

sorting hat: ????

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: he tried to talk to them and they just like picked him up and threw him away some1 submitted a video rip chat noir

dipshit: Sounds painful

sorting hat: rip in pepperoni anyway if you look at the akuma theyre sorta dressed up ya know

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: i wanna say ur projecting the castle thing but ur right that thing in their hair looks like a crown

dipshit: Huh you’re right

sorting hat: man i need to sleep akumas are bullshit

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: i just watche dthe video for the sixth itm e im gnna memorize it

sorting hat: babe please if youre gonna memorize something you should wait for a better vidoe

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: DO U THINK THEYLLY SEND A NOTHER

sorting hat: idk why not they sent thsi one

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHIT FAM oh snap here come the amgic ladybugs there the y go ayyyy

sorting hat: sleep

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: ok godo plan see u in a few hours 2 cry

PM between dipshit and ahHHH

ahHHH: I cannot bleieve you used our friends to stop an akuma

dipshit: Can you please let me live

ahHHH: I cant believe you sent taht video to alya

dipshit: Did you see how happy she was?????

ahHHH: Oh my god Im going to bed Please actually sleep???

dipshit: Uhh No promises but I’ll try my best

ahHHH: You better Night kittne

dipshit: See you in a few hours Night bugaboo

7:58 in hogwarts house discourse

sorting hat: i want to die

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub has changed their name to ladynoir keeps me living

ladynoir keeps me living renamed this conversation to “life is meaningless”.

dipshit: Optimistic

ahHHH: Fuck m y life and efverythign in it

  16:03

ladynoir keeps me living has renamed this conversation to “what the fUCK”.

ladynoir keeps me living: what the fuc k what thif cuk what teh kcuk WHAT THE ICUK NINO

sorting hat: babe im standing right next to you im processing gimme a fucking second

ladynoir keeps me living: ... 

sorting hat: ok i had a second what

ladynoir keeps me living: whaT ETH FCUK YOU TWO REPSOND YOU FUCKERS BOLTED WHAT HTE UC K

PM between ladynoir keeps me living and ahHHH

ladynoir keeps me living: MARINETTE DUPAIN CHENG WHAT THE FUC K MARI!!!!!!!!!!! ANSWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PM between ladynoir keeps me living and dipshit

ladynoir keeps me living: answer uR GODDAMN PHON E I M GODING HUNT U DOWN I F U DONT RESPJNOD  

PM between sorting hat and dipshit

sorting hat: did i just see what i htink i saw correction did alya and i see what we think i saw bro adrien agreste are you here hellllooooooo shit dude

PM between sorting hat and ahHHH

sorting hat: dude dude what was that how long has that been a thing broski marinette goddammit guys

PM between ahHHH and dipshit

dipshit: Uh I’m really sorry about that It just Happened

ahHHH: Its fine Youre fine Its fine Were all fine

dipshit: Are they…?

ahHHH: Yup I have So many messages Oh my go d

dipshit: I’m so sorry

ahHHH: Its both our faults or something

dipshit: You want Alya or Nino

ahHHH: Uh lets do this the simplest way you go nino i go alya Good luck

dipshit: Same to you

PM between ladynoir keeps me living and ahHHH

ahHHH: What

ladynoir keeps me living: ok deep breaths do not what me i saw that nino saw that you lived it

ahHHH: lived what

ladynoir keeps me living: U JUST KISSED ADRIEN AGREST E

ahHHH: um

PM between sorting hat and dipshit

dipshit: Hey Nino What’s up

sorting hat: ha ha very funny alyas having a cow but seriously did you and marinette kiss

dipshit: Uhh I mean yes Yes we did There was lip touching going on there It was an accident

PM between ladynoir keeps me living and ahHHH

ahHHH: It was an accident!!!!

ladynoir keeps me living: an aCCIDENT

ahHHH: Were both really tired and we were standing next to each otehr and idont know what happened

ladynoir keeps me living: what did u fall asleep on each others lips or something?!??!??!?!?!? accident?!??????

PM between sorting hat and dipshit

sorting hat: an accident

dipshit: I kind of Wasn’t thinking

sorting hat: really fucknig smooth bro

dipshit: Sue me

sorting hat: no thank s are you two dating now or?

dipshit: No we’re not

sorting hat: but you like marinette before you say no please know i just saw you lock lips and i also am your best friend and also have eyes

dipshit: Ok yes I like her

sorting hat: so are you gonna ask her out

dipshit: Uhh ... ...no I don’t think so

sorting hat: bruh why not??

dipshit: It’s complicated

PM between ladynoir keeps me living and ahHHH

ladynoir keeps me living: i hate both of u ur actuallt he worst

ahHHH: Im sorry???

ladynoir keeps me living: MAKE OUT ALREADY

ahHHH: Alya stop!!!!! We arent dating or anyhting

ladynoir keeps me going: what hte fUCK why not!!!!! u kissed!!! u 2 talk all the time u make each other laugh u spend a ton of time together u like each other ur dating

ahHHH: Al Im not dating adrien!!!

ladynoir keeps me going: ok fine but u could

ahHHH: By that logic I could also be dating you and nino

ladynoir keeps me going: yes yes u could be

PM between sorting hat and dipshit

sorting hat: complicated??? what about it is complicated?????? you like her she likes you if you havent figured that out by now i dont know what to tell you dude other than maybe all that homeschooling made you worse at social interaction than we thought cause its freaking obvious man like really really obvious

dipshit: It really is complicated, I swear

sorting hat: what?? do you like someone else too or something?

dipshit: Yeah Actually I do

sorting hat: who? ladybug still?? i mean same ladybug is fucking awesome and ive been in a room with teh two of you chemistry and awkwardness but like dont take this the wrong way dude but what are your chances? im not gonna pull an alya and say lb and cn are a thing but how well would dating a superhero really work out? you like mari mari likes you youve already kissed once you guys are so close already might as well just change the relationship status on facebook you know? adrien? ok well think on it dude ill be here if you wanna talk

PM between ladynoir keeps me living and ahHHH

ahHHH: Its not that simple

ladynoir keeps me living: yes it is? do u like him? yes does he like u? yes did u like kissing him? im gonna guess yes is it the asking out part ur scared of cause i can totally bug him into asking u out first

ahHHH: No its not that its just I Its kinda complicated

ladynoir keeps me living: ??????

ahHHH: I cant really

ladynoir keeps me living: mari u ok?? do u need me to come over cause i can

ahHHH: No its ok Im fine

ladynoir keeps me living: did adrien do smth do i need to beat him up

ahHHH: No! No its not him Adrien is perfect

ladynoir keeps me living: sap

ahHHH: Just Give me a minute Ok?

ladynoir keeps me living: ill wait for u to text first

ahHHH: Thanks

PM between dipshit and ahHHH

dipshit: So

ahHHH: So

dipshit: That happened

ahHHH: Yup

dipshit: Nino asked if we were dating

ahHHH: Alya did too

dipshit: Mari I like you a lot

ahHHH: And I really like you too But theres a but right?

dipshit: Yeah You too?

ahHHH: Yeah

dipshit: I think we should just Wait? A little bit?

ahHHH: I was thinking the same thing Not necessarily a long time just Some Time

dipshit: Exactly I mean I’ve been in love with you for months honestly But there’s…

ahHHH: Same here I’ve had a huge embarrassing crush on you since the beginning of the year

dipshit: Glad we’re the same level of awkward and embarrassing

ahHHH: That wasnt our first kiss By the way Just Thought you should Probably know at this point

dipshit: Wait what?

ahHHH: Dark Cupid? You um I needed to break his hold on you and I remembered class and there had been something about a kis sbreaking a spell so Yeah You didnt remember so I didnt say anything Maybe I shouldve I jsut felt Really awkward about it??? Sorry

dipshit: Oh Um

ahHHH: IM REALLY REALLY SORRY

dipshit: It’s fine!!! Really it’s fine It sounds like it’d be awkward to bring up But thanks for telling me I appreciate it

ahHHH: Of course Um Im gonna do some homeowrk so I can go to bed early tonight Hopefully Hawkmoth will leave us alone

dipshit: Oh god I hope so I can’t do another late night That was terrible

ahHHH: That video was awful But it was fun You might sway me on this social media thing yet kitty

dipshit: :3c

ahHHH: Youre the w o r s t

dipshit: I know Let me know if you have any problems with chem or physics I did the homework while she was going over the stuff from yesterday

ahHHH: Its unfair how smart you are

dipshit: Promise you’ll ask for help??

ahHHH: Yeah I promise Dont you have piano today?

dipshit: Yup and I should probably go get ready for that Good luck my lady

ahHHH: You too kitten

[icarusruinedhisfuckinglife]

1:52: 3 hours

1:59forrest please

1:59: I hit my post limit. 250. I love you i miss you please come back

2:08 Forrest Forrest please

2:09 I love you so much please get ahold of me I love you so much I love you so much

2:10 I need you

2;15 forrest

2:17-18 it hurts Forrest. I miss you. I want to talk to you. I want to tell you my plans. I want to reassure you. I want you to be confident in me again. I want to move away with you

2:21 please. Please. I'm scared in scared I'm scared please call me please talk to me Forrest I need you

2:24 please Forrest please. I need you i miss you. I want you back. I want you back so badly. I want you back as soon as possible. How's tomorrow? I know that's unrealistic but. Best case scenario? I love you forrest

3:34 an hour. Oh god I don't like being away from my phone too long. What if you message? I love you Forrest. Please contact me soon. Please please please. I'm so scarws. I'm so scared and my stomach hurts so much. Nausea

3:37 my eyes are bloodshot but I haven't cried. Not in public not in front of ama. But I'm going to mama. I'm going to cry I know I am

3:40 please contact me. I want to know you're okay. Where are you? How are you?

5:03 Forrest Forrest please. It's been three hours since 2 and almost (?) Two hours since I've had internet. Where are you? Are you okay?Please contact me I miss you so much. Please come back. I want to get better with you in my life not out of it.

5:10-3 remembered my haircut. I hope you like it. I'm staring in the mirror and forcefully noticing, which I hate. My double chin. How red my eyes are. My red nose. Red lips. Big cheek pores (I hear Elvis stressed heavily about his own), and plenty of jaw acne. I had a lot of that all during puberty (and after during any menstrual periods). I guess I'm trying to say they're with me during hormonal periods. Which I guess means the T is working. I'm noticing a difference in my arms and my voice. I force a smile at myself and hate what I see. I hate it. I hate myself.

5:18 I look like I've been crying all day. Yesterday last night yeah but now? I don't want to think of tonight. I don't want to be without you again i really really dont. I wish I could hear from you. I want you to come back please

5:22 god forrest. I don't know how you ever loved me. But I want that again.

5:24 I don't want to sleep tonight. I don't want to miss a second. I don't want to miss a thing.

5: 25-7 eyes so red. I stare at my reflection and move around my mouth, fuck around, yawn at myself. I watch my eyes get wetter. I have wanted to cry all day. I've been busying myself (it'll be worse if I don't) but I keep thinking of you. I just keep thinking of you. Just you. Only you

5:31 so many red blood vessels

5:39 my pen won't hit? Please hit please hit please hit. I want it. I want forrest

5:42 I want to hear from you so bad. What are you doing? Are you okay?Please will you come back?

5:46 please come back I need you. I want to cry I want to cry I want to bawl. I want you back Forrest please come back. I want you near again

5:57 forrest. Forrest Forrest Forrest my love I miss you i hate. This. I hate being without you

600 forrest

6:02 big bad feeling started at 2 and won't go away

6:12 it hurts so much. Forrest please

6:16 no please Forrest it hurts so fucking much forrest please Forrest

6:39 it's so nice. Bittersweet. To hear your voice. First time in over 24 hours. Thank god. I love you. I miss you. "He sounds like he just woke up," my mother says. She's wrong. It's your miserable voice. I've never heard it so negative ever before

6:42 I miss you so much. I miss you Forrest

6:43 I want you back tonight. Please come back tonight. I want you as soon as possible please please Forrest please I love you

6:46 I think I see your car in the side mirror. I twist around to see, but you disappear behind cars. A similarly dusty small four door comes out next. I want you back. Please forrest

6:47 I realise I said "you" about the car

6:53-4 I think about when I was holding you and you said you didn't know I was "this" strong with a smile. I loved that smile. I love your smile. That one was so nice. I couldn't let that distract me. I was losing that smile. I want to hold you

7:20 the worst part is I can't contact you. I want to talk to you and love your voice and what you're saying and I want you to come here and I want to beg and plead and ask to see you tonight please make the drive back tonight. But I can't do that. I need to let you figure this out yourself. Just please don't give up pleade. Pleas don't give up on me Forrest please

7:23-5 I know not sleeping last night when waking up yesterday at ~6 will knock me out soon but. I'm going to fight it as best I can. I don't want to sleep I don't want to miss you if you contact me. Part of me thinks I'm too stressed to sleep, which is probably true too. I really thought I would sleep the rest of the day and all yesterday too. No I slept a bit. I slept on your drive. I thought most but if you got there at nine then. I slept the whole drive. I'm scared about those two hours- where were you? What were you doing?

7:32-3 I want to send you a message. A beacon saying "i want you to contact me," even if it's a seemingly (and possibly) unrelated image reblog. Something that says I'm around. Something that says I'm listening

Thiis, of course, fringes on if you want to talk to me

7:34-5 really thought I got passt the max number of posts with the dreaming cat going "bwuh" when he wakes up

7:37 all I can do is wait. That's it. I'm waiting on you

7:47 I'll be up here all night. I'll be ready

I want to delete a post. Just one useless post and then get on stonvervent and say "beacon." But I cant. It's contact. I need to let you think. Would you even respond? Would you understand?

7:52 I got Kurt Angle's autobiography earlier. I'm really looking forward to reading it. I like to think you would be interested in it too. Would you?

7:54 I don't know what I'll do if you don't message me tonight. I'm so scared I won't hear from you. I love you. I want to talk to you. Please talk to me. Please talk to me

7:54 I sneezed three times. Does this mean anything?

7:56 ama got me that peach coloured letter board from five below. I love it. I want to write your name on it. Something about you

8:07 I love you

8:29 Forrest

8:33 21hours ago I started this blog

8:36 can't rest. too wicked

8:42-3 I am. So tired. Can't sleep right. Haven't had my phone on any sound since you left. I don't want to turn it back on (it's helped the worry of you messaging) but I'm getting so weak and tired. Please call me forrest. Please call me. Please come back tonight

8:45 what are you up to?

8:48 no. Forrest. Please. I'm so fidgety and I just. I want to hear from you so badly

8:50-1 I turned on notification sounds, and some ringtone sound. If you reach out I'll know. I'll wake up routinely (trouble sleeping, alternatively). I'm scared you won't contact me. If midnight comes I'm going to. Really be struggling with not sending out some post. Some beacon.

10;05 Forrest please. PLEASE

11:07 Forrest PEASE please reach out to me i love you please talk to me why won't you talk to me

11:08 no please fucking help I can't do two night splease Forrest please

11:10 fuck forrest. Fuck

1111 why are you doing this to me Forrest please forest pleaze why are you doing thsi

Why is it 11:12 and I haven't heard a WORD from you. Why are you doing this. You know I fucking hate this why

11:18 im so fucking mad I can't fucking stand this and fuck you for doing it

11:20 and this fucking post limit bullshit is making it worse. I'm going to fucking post on stone i don't give a fuck what you goddamn do with it. Fuck you fuck you what the fuck

11:23 two goddamn nights you don't give a fuck to leave me like this

11:28 this is what stupid fucking loyalty will get me

11:39 I fucking hate you for this