#I’m going to rb some other shit so this has less chance of being seen

[poor-boy-orpheus]

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[kanmom51]

I hope you don’t mind me sending this as I love yoir blog and the way you approach things and I had a downer today. As someone who has similar views as many of you on here when it comes to KM e.g not believing everything and being rational but also having life exp which strongly suggests KM are something special etc, I recently saw an adorable video from 2017 MMA which I hadn’t seen before where 2 things were pointed out aka JK singing about a first kiss to JM and Jin smiling and then JK smiling at JM across the room at words in the background that said “do you want to start our love again”. It has all been debunked as it was all about JK’s crush on the idol IU. She was the one singing and both moments were related to her as JK idolised her and the boys were teasing him a lot through the whole MMA 17 and JK was enamoured all evening. I instantly felt foolish because now I think “am I just being stupid” when it comes to jikook? I see a lot of love and affection there but I just felt like maybe were seeing what we want to see rather than accepting there’s nothing romantic there? And if they’re extra close and they’re “brothers” as people keep banging on about then I’m always happy for them as they both deserve tons of happiness but I just feel like one day we will get a rude awakening and all of the things we’ve held dear will be proven to be fantasy. I am rational to know the difference between shipping and supporting but part of me struggles with the latter as I learn about some moments that aren’t actually as we see them, they’re proven to be something different. Sorry for being a downer but your blog provides a lot of comfort so I sought you and a few other precious bloggers out ❤️

Hey anon.  I’m happy you reached out, because it helps to talk to others when you feel insecure, no matter what the issue may be - Jikook related or anything else that causes you stress.

I will start by saying this:  

I am a whole hearted Jikook supporter.  I believe that JK and JM are very close, I believe they have a special connection, I believe they are romantically involved.  

These are my personal beliefs, that are based on my initial gut feeling and a hell of a lot of original content viewing.  This is my opinion.  

I am fully aware that there are many that think otherwise, and I am fully open to hear what they have to say and assess it objectively.  But I don’t have any patience for stupidity (sorry for being so blunt).  When nay sayers come up with unsubstantiated shit, it ticks me off.   

So, my advice to you is: 

don’t let yourself be swayed so easily by others.  Be strong in your belief.  Yes, check yourself from time to time, it’s healthy.  But don’t let others sway you so easily.

“I recently saw an adorable video from 2017 MMA which I hadn’t seen before where 2 things were pointed out aka JK singing about a first kiss to JM and Jin smiling and then JK smiling at JM across the room at words in the background that said “do you want to start our love again”. It has all been debunked as it was all about JK’s crush on the idol IU. She was the one singing and both moments were related to her as JK idolised her and the boys were teasing him a lot through the whole MMA 17 and JK was enamoured all evening. I instantly felt foolish because now I think “am I just being stupid” when it comes to jikook?”

I think this is the moment you are referring to.

This whole story about JK’s crush, him ‘idolising’ her, being teased ‘all night’ etc.  where did that come from?  Did one of the members tell this story?  If yes, where? 

 When you say “it has all been debunked”, that’s when I have an issue.  Because, who ‘debunked’ it?  Did the boys come out and explain the moment?

Hell no.  You are actually relying on other fans that came up with this theory and have named it as factual, and let me guess, they are not Jikook supporters.  

Go with your initial gut feeling.  Look at the interaction between the two at that moment.  Look at Jin’s reaction (smile, then wipes it off).  JK is singing to JM.  He is looking him in the eye.  Jin looking at the interaction between the two and mouth curling up, but then remembers cameras around and goes back to neutral face.  If this was about IU and not Jikook, why hide your smile?  If this is about IU why sing to JM, why say those lines and look JM in the eye?

“as I learn about some moments that aren’t actually as we see them, they’re proven to be something different.”

How and when where those moments “proven to be something different”?  that’s my question to you.  To be proven doesn’t mean based on hearsay.  

Every conclusion I come to is based on what I see with my eyes and what I hear with my ears.  That is why, for example, I don’t trust the lip reading at MMA 2018.  They might be true, but I can’t read lips or understand Korean, so no, I can’t base anything on that.  

I also don’t do Tweeter, don’t believe gossip or theories that god knows where they started. I suggest you do the same.  Believe your gut feeling.  Watch original content, lots of it, the less it’s edited the better.

I know sometimes we can let ourselves be swayed by our insecurity.  When this happens, when something undermines your belief, go back to the drawing board, and go over those moments that did make you believe.  

Re-watch, rethink, and you will see how this will restore your belief, because there is soooo much out there with those two.  It’s not about one moment.  Not about one award show.  It’s about a plethora of content that leads to that conclusion.  Just go back to GCFT, GCFS, RB, MMA 2018.  Listen to what JM and JK have to say themselves. 

As I said, I believe in the connection between JK and JM, with all it entails.  But if one day I will be proven wrong, so what?  I love those two, they are gorgeous human beings, and all I wish for them is happiness, be it with each other or be it with someone else.  

I am also aware that there is a very big chance that we will never really fully know the true nature of their relationship, them being part of such a traditional society, one that doesn’t look kindly on the LGBTQ+ community.

So, if one day we are proven wrong, then yes, it may make me question my detective abilities (that btw have been proven right over the years), but that’s it.  I won’t be disappointed, because all I wish is for them to be happy.  I support Jikook because I support JM and JK, and believing they are together, I support their connection, their love, and I think that most Jikook supporters, including yourself, feel the same.  xx

[botaniia]

128

Good chapter, all in all! My thoughts will be much shorter on this one than on 127 because I really hadn’t a clue what to expect from this chapter as opposed to 127. I also read some discussion before writing this so that may influence this, I dunno

Jumping right into things with the airships and answering a question the fandom had since 127: why didn’t the Yaegerists destroy the airships? To push it even further, not only was the question answered, but this fact became a plot-relevant detail as well.

Random thought, but it’s interesting to see Hanji talk about the future prospects of recapturing the uninhabited rumbled lands once this is all over

It’s absolutely divine to see Hanji and Magath strategising and working together

Love love LOVE the panel of everyone getting equipped for battle. I’m dead at Reiner’s “Ah shit here we go again” expression. Very cool to see Annie holding a blade handle again after so long! Jean and Mikasa looking like models as usual, and I love Pieck floating in the background there

So at first I thought the steam was the colossals entering the water on Paradis’ shores. Apparently it’s all the way over at Marley and the rumbling already reached the north. That’s fast! And the fact that the steam can be seen all the way over on Paradis, does that mean that Marley really isn’t all too far away from Paradis?

Falco and Gabi on the lookout are the cutest ever. Glad we get to see my son this chapter! 

Annie: “Hey y’all ‘s okay if I’m armed right?” Everyone: “....”

Every chapter needs a random panel of Levi sleeping because Yams didn’t know what else to put there

Very interesting to see Annie talk using revenge as a frame of reference. It does show how long she’s been under. Pieck explaining the situation to her made me realise we need more interactions between these two

These panels make it obvious how much weight Reiner has lost. Jesus, look at his torso, his neck. He could rival Berthoto in his post-depression  height to weight ratio

I hadn’t even considered that the Yaegerists consisted of their comrades, not the way it’s presented by Jean anyway. It makes a lot of sense that they don’t want to fight and kill their old friends

Annie is to Jean this chapter what Jean was to Hanji the last chapter. Asking the really hard questions in response to a pacifist mindset.

Armin has gotten thick, wow

If I still shipped aruani I’d consider this a strong moment but now it just feels less impactful bhjvk

The dam finally broke for Connie! All these past chapters, he’s been off looking stoic and determined, but it looks like his emotions are finally showing outwardly as well. Poor fucking kid, he’s really seen too much

And he does raise a very important moral question there. With the realisation we see him make later in the chapter, it’s also a very fitting thing for him to wonder about. He’s just not ready to start killing, even if it’s the best option for their cause, and I can respect that he has issues with such a plan.

Annie’s expression... hurts me soul, man

I don’t think I follow yet how she came to the conclusion that JCAM wouldn’t have destroyed the walls if it were them. I don’t agree nor disagree, because I don’t think that it’s possible to estimate that. The JCAM of today definitely wouldn’t have done it, but the JCAM of today are adults who didn’t grow up as child soldiers under heavy propaganda and who were used as disposable weapons. It’s impossible to compare the two with each other. Is Annie saying this because she as the adult she is today would do it all again, as she stated a few chapters back? I’m sure discussion in the next few days will clear this line up.

It’s gonna take me a few days of thinking to understand what exactly that callback to Eren saying he’s just like Reiner means, and how it connects to Annie’s words. Does he think back of it because he likens himself to Eren, or because he likens Eren to himself? It feels like Eren’s saying that he would’ve broken the wall, which is exactly what he’s doing right now with the rumbling, but what do I know? I’m usually dead wrong about things like this. 

I can admire Reiner giving JCAM a choice to not fight the ones they hold dear. After all this time and despite everything, he still holds his old comrades dear enough to spare them from this battle

Hanji’s ready to kill, and I understand it. People are already dying in Marley and there’s no more time left to be humane about things. It’s just like the decision to torture Sannes, like the decision to kill RB given the chance. In an ideal world they’d be able to talk and take their time, but right now they unfortunately don’t have that luxury.

Poor fucking Pieck, Annie, and Reiner. Learning they may already be too late and the worst can have already happened. And Connie’s face. This is the most emotion we’ve seen out of him in a long time that wasn’t just flat out bitterness. He looks destroyed.

Magath shoving Onyankopon had me gigglin’, ngl

It was something else seeing Yelena so emotional and pained. Have we seen her like this before? In a situation where she’s not her usual confident, in control self but she’s genuinely in pain or scared? And then her crying... She’s growing on me more and more the more I see her, now I’m sorta hoping she survives this story

Magath’s confession... I’m gonna be honest, when I first read this it felt like it came out of nowhere and felt forced. Rereading it, I can see where it came from. It’s been on his mind for quite some time since it happened and the fact that they suddenly, just like that, ran out of time probably got him to decide that if there’s ever a time to say this, it’s now

It also proves the idea that right before someone is about to crack, they double down in their ideals. It’s a type of stubbornness all humans have and it often leads to conflict. Doubling down didn’t work, so he finally allowed himself to accept something he didn’t want to be true but somewhere knew was true anyway. That’s growth. I did think Magath would end up coming through in the end

Good on him, a Marleyan, to tell Eldians that the one truth Eldians had always been taught, that they are responsible for their ancestors’ sins, isn’t true at all and that they do not deserve the blame. It just doesn’t hold the same relieving value if an Eldian says it. That was sorely needed, and for Magath specifically to say that is a good thing!

And to tell it to Pieck, Annie, and Reiner as well? That’s a very important detail as well. Done are the days of only absolving the 104th when the warriors deserve it just as much

‘Forgive but don’t forget, teach our children what happened without pointing the finger’ is such an important key idea and I’m glad it’s been put into words. Maybe the school kids from the s4 preview are the outcome of that?

I’m gonna wait for the official translation to look at Armin’s refusal because I don’t believe I fully grasp what he means there

Floch implying that the death of Kiyomi’s nation is a good thing, that she no longer has to worry, shows just how wrong his entire school of thought is. He’s literally “can’t worry about your homeland if your homeland doesn’t exist anymore”. 

Kiyomi’s words as parallel to Erwin’s? Love it

“But what’s most important is for you to know your place” WOW, guy really is on a power trip where he wants to establish a rigid hierarchy, huh?

He does look absolutely terrifying in those panels. Congrats, Yams, you made me intimidated by Floch for reasons other than “he might shoot anyone at any time”

Armin’s strategy bkhjvgjh use the chaos and confusion to get the edge on him, I like it

Absolutely love the dynamic between Connie and Armin. Armin, you lying shit, you’re fake crying again

He knew from the start it hadn’t worked though

Samuel! DAZ!!!! Finally! They’re back! The memes are no longer just dreams!

Kiyomi charging Floch and proceeding to wipe the floor with him will be the subject of my dreams for years to come

When Armin and Connie first realised that the plan failed, I was sure they were surrounded by Yaegerists on all sides and they’d stand no chance. That’s also the moment I accepted that one of them was gonna get KO’d. I honestly expected Connie to bite the dust

When Mikasa first crashed through the window, I thought that she was Levi. Look at that face! It’s such an Ackerman face! It took me a few pages to determine whether that was Mikasa or Levi, even if I knew Levi definitely wouldn’t have been a possibility.

God, how good it feels to see Floch so desperate and distressed! That panel where he’s on his stomach and shoots his anchor out of the window is hilarious

Floch thinks Jean is dead, so he didn’t call for the Yaegerists to attack him. I wonder if that’ll play out somehow. But it does show that he believed that Armin spoke the truth when he said that Jean and Onyankopon were killed. So does he still think the warriors are not on their side (until he’s obv proven wrong, ofc)?

Magath in a SC jacket is 😩👌

Armin being shot had me bamboozled. If he still were my fav character I would’ve definitely had a heart attack, but even now that fucking HURT and caught me completely off-guard. Especially since it’s not just one shot, but three, all of which hit a major artery in one way or another. I was sure Armin was out for a good moment here

Oh wow. I didn’t realise it the first time reading, but the second time? God damn, the parallels between SC and warriors in that particular scene. Just like how Jean and Connie talked to Bertholdt and Reiner about how they’d grow old together and share a good drink once this was all over but their betrayal destroyed that possibility and nullified their camaraderie, Samuel is talking to Connie and Armin about how they’d retake the lands and raise as much cattle as they wanted once this was all over but their betrayal made that impossible. Connie got it. Connie understood in that moment and that’s currently emotionally fucking me over

Reiner and Annie shooting up behind Floch... 😩👌

THEIR TRANSFORMATION POSES, HOT DAMN They’re ready to wipe the floor with some Yaegerists

At first I thought we’d gotten nakey Reiner (ain’t his ass plates missing?) but his face gave me renewed hope. The unhardening thing was a one-time thing only, so it looks like his titan does get armour!

I wonder how convincing it would’ve sounded if in 2016 we heard that in 2020 we’d be overjoyed to see the armoured titan and the female titan wrecking some Survey Corps shit but look where we are now

Zombie Armin looked TERRIFYING, holy fuck

And then there’s those last two pages. Wow. I didn’t even know what I was reading when I first read them, I hadn’t a clue that I was reading the exact narrative I’d been begging to see for many many years. And when I realised it, fuck, that felt good

Connie is betraying comrades, dearly beloved people whom he shared good times with, whom he made promises to, but who unfortunately ended up being on the opposite side of the conflict as he is, because it’s what his goal requires of him. 

The way Samuel words it, it’s even a direct parallel to the way the 104th worded their grievances to Bertholdt and Reiner when they were running away with Eren and Ymir. And when Connie finally answers “You are our comrades, but...” it just clicks. They’re his comrades, they are valued, and yet they still have to die. Just like they did in Clash. Just like they did in RtS. He’s in the exact same situation as RB were years ago, and he’s 100% aware of how this is what’s happening

And it’s the fact that Connie doesn’t use this memory to back down to prove to himself that he’s ‘better’, letting Armin and possibly himself get killed in the process, but instead reevaluates his stance and recontextualises what he knew back then, that’s exactly what I’ve been wishing for for so long

I intend to make a separate post on this because I have so many thoughts on this subject. This tiny detail changes so much for me, clears up so many of the doubts I had, and gives me so much hope that I’m sure will be shattered over the next few weeks but let me DREAM

In fact, I made the post right here

[fossadeileonixv]

Mercato Madness: The Final Say

One thing is certain, you are not to soil this man’s name in this here house.

So the summer transfer marker of 2021 is over. 

Let’s take some time to rejoice.

Since banter officially began way back in the summer of 2012, I can recall few players, events, coaches, matches that have divided Milanisti quite like this market. We have some that are singing high praise for Maldini’s ability to capture eleven new players on an 80 million euro budget. Then we have others ridiculing a transfer strategy that culminated in Junior Messias as the answer to the right wing issue, hours before the window closed. The human condition is manifold, reason a flawed and subjective invention, and as such a definitive manichean yes or no, good or bad solution or explanation for nearly anything we can perceive and comprehend is inherently out of reach. The summer 2021 transfer market is no exception. It can be seen as both a failure and a success and it would be difficult for me to argue in favor or in opposition to either position, resolutely. 

To highlight this point, I’m publishing a Twitter DM convo between Mike and I, which I think also kind of covers how each of us feels not only about the players, but the strategy in general. Mike is more optimistic than I, but after re-reading this a few times, I can’t even disagree with him:

TR: I'm trying to just put my faith in Pioli and hope that Brahim lights shit up. Minus this, I'm not even mad at the moves per se, but more experienced or creative minds could have done more.

MIKE: We still desperately need an AM. To me that is the difference between a good window and not.

We replaced Donna, held onto Tomori and Diaz, added a LB, bolstered the midfield with Bakayoko and brought in what could be a 20+ goal scorer in Giroud. That's not bad.

TR: Ya I dunno. RW/AM were like the two areas I expected to be addressed with quality and early and here we are

MIKE: We also brought in Florenzi and Messias as band aids at RW. Not that I'm thrilled with either.

That all being said I think we are at a solid 7; get me an AM and we are at an 8.

I think people are really underestimating how much we needed another striker to go with Ibra and just how good Giroud is gonna be.

TR: It isn't a terrible market and the MF depth is huge, I just think we coulda done better.

Giroud is gonna be great, there is no doubt in my mind. I don't see how Zlatan regains his starting spot tbh, because I also don't see us playing with 2 strikers

MIKE: Also, Maignan for peanuts is a coup. Look at the keepers at the other top clubs in the league.... Ospina, Handanovic, Reina, Szcezny.....

We may very well have the best keeper in the league again

TR: We could. Oddly kind of a low bar which is weird when you think about how stacked the league was with keepers 3 or 4 years back

MIKE: I think he's levels above those guys.

TR: We’ll see.

MIKE: If Leao WOULD SHOW UP AND BE WORTH 40 MILLION we could live with whoever plays on the right. Amazing how he gets a free pass while folks run Castillejo out of town.

LW was trash last year yet the RW was the problem? We've but 10s of millions into that area and gotten fuck all. I don't get it. We paid 9 for Casti and 4 for Saelemaekers and they catch all the hate?

Sorry I'll climb off my soapbox.

TR: LW was at least productive, statistically. Samu was a net 0 and Saele is just not a good enough finisher to play that advanced. Also, we paid like 24m for Casti.

I get it. I gripe about players all the time, but there are certain ones like Saele and Samu where its like, this is as good as they can get. If you're unhappy with it, that's someone else's problem. I think the difference with Leao is that Leao's ceiling is literally world class so the patience is and should be a bit longer.

MIKE: What I don’t understand is people think these rumors m an we had a chance at these players or that somehow Maldini failed.We are a mid level team that made the CL for first time in years. We are barely relevant. Certainly not a destination.

The days of a guy like Sabitzer having a great euros and coming here are loooooong gone.

TR: My counterpoint top that is that mid-level teams playing for nothing are signing quality. Villa signed Emmy Buendia. Wolves signed Sanches. Roma signed Tammy. James/Bernardo, I never really expected but players the level of Vlasic were certainly within our reach.

But again, my issue is more the plan. Taking younger players that can't break into Chelsea and Madrid is fine here and there, but it isn't a transfer strategy. They pay a lot of lip service to the RB model but can't land the sort of players necessary to make that work.

MIKE: I’m sorry but there’s no comparison between us and even a mid level EPL team.

The spending power and attraction of those clubs is light years above us. All we can do is hope they are dumb enough to pay 25 million for Cutrone.

25 million is nothing to them

TR: Spending power sure, but there are a lot of players that don't care for the league or the country (weather/food/family/ etc.) otherwise these clubs would be thriving in tourneys like Europa and they don't. 

I've been telling my brother that the model is the right one, but the coach, owners, and directors aren't really qualified enough to make it work. They are however, good enough to finish top four in Italy if all goes right.

And we've sucked for a decade, but players generally hate leaving Milan barring some kind of real personal thing.

The attraction, I believe, is still there. They just don't really have a coherent plan.

And look, the situations were bad, and I hate to beat a dead horse, but arguably two of your three most valuable assets walked out for free. One to a rival. I can't think of a real-life business comparison but that is a reallllllyy bad screwup.

MIKE: I can. You let older workers go and hire replacements at a third of their wages. Happens all the time

TR: But if you could have sold those older workers....

Well, that's slavery, nm. but you get my point.

The four ounce glass has two ounces of water, this we can be sure of. On one hand, we are definitely half full. We’re undoubtedly good enough to compete at a high level as indicated by our second place finish last season and first two games this year. This is as complete a team as we have had since the beginning of banter, and the work that management has done so far is admirable considering the restrictions. Mike is correct in that we aren’t in a financial position to acquire world-class talent, so names like Bernardo, Sabitzer, or even James aren’t quite our reality yet. 

But we’re definitely half empty. Big Mike looks the part so far, but sorry Don-haters, he is not at good as PSG’s backup. In fact it would be difficult for me to say that we are substantially a better starting eleven than the one that huffed over the finish line last season, sans maybe Giroud. We’re good enough to finish top four, but it isn’t wild to think of scenarios where we finish anywhere between fifth and seventh. We have depth in almost everywhere, but we also accrued that depth at the expense of two positions that were burning for quality. And while we can’t flex and grab the names mentioned above, you do have to think that with a little more cunning, a bit more panache, and better negotiating skills, we could have done a bit more to make those odds of finishing 5th less likely.

But who is to say? It’s done, thankfully. And now it is time to enjoy the ride. So with our respective thesis’ laid out, let’s rate and speculate with a few questions and answers on the mercato by Mike and I!

MIKE LISI’S THOUGHTS

Biggest coup: Maignan for 14 million. He might already be the best keeper in the league and no one misses Donnarumma. On top of that, Maldini showed that he won't be bullied by the backup keeper for PSG.

The Biggest Surprise: Giroud. I bet he scores 20 goals.

The Biggest Oversight: The attacking midfield spot. Runner up is CB. Kjaer’s health worries me and we’re a little thin at that spot.

Overall Rating: 8/10; Maiagnan, Tomori, Torre, Bakayoko, Florenzi, Brahim, Adli, Pellegri, Giroud. All we lost was Hakan and Donnarumma and we have easily improved each of those spots. No complaints really. Also, we only spent 70 million. Between Hakan and Donnarumma we would have spent that much on their salaries alone.

Are we a better team than last year: Hell yeah we are better. Last year I think we greatly overachieved to finish where we did. This year I expect us to be top 3. Big difference in my mind.

TEEN ROCKETT’s TAKE

Biggest coup: Giroud. Unlike Mike, I won’t be surprised if he scores 20. I think for the price, the return is going to be higher than any other player we purchased this season.

The Biggest Surprise: Junior. I am letting my romanticism for his story cloud my judgement, but considering what he did with Crotone last year, I don’t think it is inconceivable we get five or six goals and a few assists platooning with Saele.

The Biggest Oversight: Not solidifying RW and AM. I just really don’t understand how we waited until the dying hours to address one and chose to take a considerable gamble putting the load all on Brahim for the other. Runner up will be not selling Kessie and or Romagnoli. But talk to me this time next year.

Overall Rating: 6.5/10; I am impressed with what we did for 80 million and I think we are a more rounded team, with depth in almost every position. We did a good job balancing youth and veterans. Additionally, moves like Pellegri, Traore and Clinton (the latter two being youths) are the kind of moves that get me excited for the future. But while I think we’re capable of about the same point total as last season I’m not sure we did enough to beat out Atalanta, Juve, Inter and to a lesser extent Napoli, and yes I’m saying it without really believing it, Roma. And from a strictly business standpoint, not capitalizing the Don and Hakan departures were massive mistakes. There’s no way around that.

Are we a better team than last year: We’re more complete. We will see what that translates to on the pitch. I’d have a tough time saying that we are out and out better, but if not, we didn’t take a step back.

Allright Leoni. That’s that. In the damn books. Sound off below and feel free to hit us with your own biggest coup, biggest surprise, major oversight, overall rating, and whether we are better or not.

[racingtoaredlight]

RTARL’s 2020 NFL Season Week 7 Extravapalooza

With the way the COVID-19 situation in America (and lots of other places around the world) is rapidly heading in the wrong direction, I’m beginning to genuinely wonder if the NFL is going to have to pause the season for a few weeks as some states potentially decide that the gatherings that come with staging a football game are less than necessary. 

Once the league decided to start the season as scheduled, I figured there was no way they’d stop the train once it began lurching forward, even if some unlucky teams were forced to start someone like Brian Hoyer at QB instead of their normal guy. Ahem. But, I also didn’t think things would deteriorate virus-spread wise quite to this degree. I was really giving us as a society way too much credit, it would appear. Given the resistance to the first round of shutdown measures, I think there’s a real possibility that shit could hit the fan in a way few of us have seen before if another batch were implemented, but it seems like the only option going forward for some places if they don’t get their shit together. Our choices in the very near future appear to be: court massive civil unrest spurred on by the very worst among us, or do nothing and let many of those same people carry disease to every corner of the country as hospitals become overwhelmed and people die alone and miserable. Hooray for letting the dumbest assholes dictate the courses of everyone else’s lives. 

Now for some football picks!!!

My picks are in BOLD, and the lines come to us courtesy of our friends at Vegas Insider. I use the “VI Consensus” line, which is the line that occurs most frequently across Vegas Insider’s list of sportsbooks. Your sportsbook of choice may offer a different number, and if you’d like my opinion on said number A) you are insane, and B) leave a comment below and I’ll try to answer at some point before things kickoff today.

EARLY GAMES

Detroit Lions at Atlanta Falcons (-2)

Ah, a team who recently fired their terrible head coach against a team who desperately needs to. I’m glad it finally appears to be dawning on Detroit’s offensive braintrust that D’Andre Swift is the best RB on the team and thus should get the bulk of the touches. You could even say he deserves the LION’S SHARE. Sorry. 

I was ready to declare Matt Ryan officially washed heading into last week’s games, but then he went out and threw for 371 and 4 TDs against the (admittedly trash-ass) Vikings defense, and now I just don’t know. Does having Julio Jones in the lineup really make that much of a difference for him? Maybe! This game should be enjoyable slop and I don’t have any strong leanings one way or another. I’ll pick the Falcons just because a Lions loss gets them one step closer to freedom from their dipshit Goomba-from-Mario-Bros-lookin’ motherfucker of a head coach.

Cleveland Browns (-3.5) at Cincinnati Bengals

I like to make fun of the Browns just like everyone else, but I’d prefer to see less digital ink spilled on QB Baker Mayfield’s crappy play and more celebration of DE Myles Garrett instead. Garrett is AWESOME. Through 6 games he has 7 sacks (2nd in the NFL) and 3 forced fumbles (also 2nd in the league), and those numbers don’t fully capture how disruptive and nightmarish he is for opposing offenses most weeks. Sure, he maybe tried to kill a guy with his helmet last year, but c’mon. That was just a harmless little goof. No reason to hold it against him, in my opinion. Like, have you seen what Mason Rudolph looks like? He had it coming.

I feel bad every time I pick against Joe Burrow because I want he and I to be friends, but *points to previous paragraph about how Myles Garrett swallows planets whole*.

Pittsburgh Steelers at Tennessee Titans (-1.5)

Last week I wrote a whole big thing (with stats to back it up!) in the Titans blurb about how Derrick Henry wasn’t playing well and was potentially wearing down, and then he proceeded to rush for over 200 yards and 2 TDs, including an unreal 94-yarder. I concede that I may have been misguided, and that attempting to use research is for lameass nerds. That said, I HIGHLY doubt he’ll have a huge day against the Steelers defense, but the combo of Henry and the Ryan Tannehill-led passing game should be able to put up enough points to win. 

These teams are both very good and very evenly matched, but I don’t want to pick Pittsburgh because I actively dislike them. You won’t find that kind of analysis on Football Outsiders, friends.

Carolina Panthers at New Orleans Saints (-7)

New Orleans will be without WRs Michael Thomas and Emmanuel Sanders for this one, and I think QB Drew Brees is too far over-the-hill to make chicken salad out of the chicken shit that remains in their group of pass catchers. RB Alvin Kamara is great, but he can’t do it by himself. Oh, and speaking of Michael Thomas, a report came out yesterday that the Saints are open to dealing him. This report came from Mike Florio, so grain of salt and all, but it did lead to me reading a rumor that Thomas’ teammates hate him and secretly call him “Can’t Stand Mike,” a play on his “Can’t Guard Mike” Twitter handle. I found this hilarious and very much want it to be true.

Let’s raise a glass to Panthers backup RB and fantasy football savior Mike Davis, as his gravy train likely comes to a halt after today with the impending return of Christian McCaffery. The New Orleans rush defense is very good, so I don’t see him going out in a blaze of glory, but his out-of-nowhere statistical bonanza deserves to be celebrated.

Buffalo Bills (-10) at New York Jets

LOL Jets Head Coach Adam Gase still hasn’t been fired despite losing 24-0 to Miami last week. What’s it gonna take, I wonder? A second consecutive shutout may do it, but the Bills defense has been terrible, so it’ll take a real commitment to ineptitude for the Jets to put up their second squadoosh in a row. NY QB Sam Darnold is returning to the lineup, but he’s going to be without his best weapon, WR Jamison Crowder. I honestly feel terrible for poor Sam, as he was drafted into the worst situation I can remember. At least David Carr was hit enough that he likely doesn’t remember ALL of the bad stuff. 

Nearly all of the Bills’ TEs are in the COVID-19 protocol, so I’m not sure how they’re gonna address that. BRING BACK JAY RIEMERSMA!

Dallas Cowboys at Washington Football Team (-1)

The Cowboys being underdogs against Washington is hilarious, even more so because it’s justified. I thought QB Andy Dalton would do a decent job leading the Cowboys offense last week against Arizona, and I was very, very wrong. I still think he can get his shit together somewhat, but the ceiling for this team has been lowered to “Darren Sproles might have to duck a bit” height. I can only condone watching this game for schadenfreude purposes, but even that’s stretching it. Any more than a quarter is just straight-up masochism.

Green Bay Packers (-3.5) at Houston Texans

I’m simultaneously excited to watch this game and struggling to come up with anything novel to say about it. I’m interested to see how Green Bay deploys their awesome CB Jaire Alexander, as whichever Texans WR avoids him is likely to be peppered with targets. Shoutout to Will Fuller’s hamstrings for holding up so far and allowing him to kick ass. 

As of right now it looks like Green Bay will be without studly RB Aaron Jones and sexy touchdown beast TE Robert Tonyan, which isn’t great. But, if there’s one opponent where you should still be ok using a backup RB, it’s the Houston Texans and their atrocious rush defense. Wait, why am I picking Houston? Whatever, fuck it, the heart wants what the heart wants.

LATE GAMES

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-5) at Las Vegas Raiders

A couple of days ago, it looked like the entire Las Vegas offensive line might miss this game due to being placed on the COVID-19/Reserve list. As of this writing, all those beefy boys are cleared to play, which is good news since they’re going against Tampa Bay’s top-shelf defense (ranked #1 in defensive DVOA). Even with their full compliment of offensive personnel, I still predict many hilarious angry and frustrated faces from Jon Gruden.

Tampa Bay has decided to sign WR Antonio Brown, despite already having two Pro Bowl-caliber receivers in Mike Evans and Chris Godwin. It’s pretty clear this signing was done entirely because QB Tom Brady wanted it, as Brady has been pushing for his team to sign Brown going back to last year in New England. It’s so weird, Tom Brady doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who would advocate for an emotionally unstable and supremely narcissistic accused rapist who’s left multiple organizations in disarray upon his unceremonious departure.  

Kansas City Chiefs (-7.5) at Denver Broncos

Fuck yeah, our first potential snow game of the year! The gametime forecast as of right now calls for 5-degree windchill temps with a 35-40 percent chance of flakes throughout. That sounds horrible to play in, but glorious to watch. If we don’t get at least one shot of steam rising off of an offensive lineman’s head I’m gonna be pissed. I’m curious to see what Kansas City does with newly acquired RB Le’Veon Bell in this game. He’s definitely played in more winter-weather games than my boy Clyde Edwards-Helaire, so do they give him more carries this week than they would normally? I hope not, but I can definitely see the argument for it.

San Francisco 49ers at New England Patriots (-3)

I’m a little shaken (relatively, I’m not a complete lunatic) by how shitty New England, and Cam Newton in particular, looked against Denver last week. The lack of practice time due to multiple COVID-related outbreaks is a valid reason for it, but still. I think the Niners are the much better team when healthy, but they’re gonna be missing their best RB Raheem Mostert for this game (and the next few), which does impede their power-run game somewhat. Backup Jerick McKinnon is still very good, he just has a different, less-demoralizing style. Handsome Jimmy will have to make some plays, and I think he can do just enough. The overall talent gap will be too much for NE to overcome, I fear.

Jacksonville Jaguars at Los Angeles Chargers (-7.5)

The Jags have lost five straight games coming into this one, while the Chargers have dropped four in a row. Something’s gotta give! I will say that the Jacksonville losses seem more depressing (3 of them were by double-digits), while even though L.A. is losing, they at least feel exciting. A shiny rookie QB who looks decent will do that, I guess. Still, I’m riding with my man Minshew to cover one last time here. If he fails, well, I think it’ll be time for us to go our separate ways. “Separate Ways” by Journey is also what plays in Gardiner Minshew’s helmet speaker instead of play calls, coincidentally. 

SNF: Seattle Seahawks (-3.5) at Arizona Cardinals

Seattle’s already abysmal secondary is going to be down Pro Bowl safety Jamal Adams for this one, so Cards QB Kyler Murray should be able to sling it around with relative ease. His best weapon, WR Deandre Hopkins is Questionable with a lingering ankle injury, but he’s been playing through it so far and it hasn’t seemed to slow him much. I think this is the week the magic runs out for the Seahawks, and they take their first L of the season. Russell Wilson can’t bail them out EVERY time. Probably. This game is likely to be the stylistic opposite of the Monday nighter, because...

MNF: Chicago Bears at Los Angeles Rams (-6)

...all signs point to this being a butt-ugly game. I like good defense, don’t get me wrong, but nobody should purposely watch Nick Foles and Jared Goff play QB against competent defenses. I suppose I can see some entertainment value in getting to see both Aaron Donald and Khalil Mack torment quarterbacks in the same game, but I think I’m gonna pass for the same reason that I don’t really like to watch animals get eaten in nature shows. I get that it’s the way things are meant to happen, but damn. I’m a real wimp, by the way.

Last Week’s Record: 7-7

Season Record: 44-38-4

[fmlfpl]

Lineup Lamentations - GW4 - Walsh Wildcard Edition

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week!

*AND* New starting this week we’re gonna do a Slacker of the Week Lambs, someone randomly selected from our Patreon Slack channel each week, and this week it’s Rai from Slack great lad and on wildcard too with Walsh...

This week it was not random I have to admit but every week for the rest of the season it’ll be random. Get in.

—

WALSH - On Wildcard

TRANSFERS:

Wildcard

GK:

Pope (LIV)

Pope retains his spot and seems like a great long term hold. BAPs for every clean is great and he's great. Burnley look back to basics and have had great underlying defensive stats.

DEF:

Alexander-Arnold & Robertson (bur)

Trent and Robbo also retain their spots from the old guard team.

I debated over whether to go with d33n instead of r0bbo but in the end I just trust Livp a lot more than I trust Everton and I just want to keep Robbo.

The literal worst thing I did last season was remove Robbo from my GW1 team after the first handful of games and so I'm trying to learn from past mistakes for some reason. His stats look great and he has looked great so I am sticking with him. Obv Adrian is a bit of a nutter and a lot worse than Alisson but these two fullbacks are still the creative cogs for Livp and still seem like great picks.

Laporte (BHA)

Slotting in alongside is Laporte.

I really want to have a share of the City defense and now that my break glass is gone I don't want to fuck around with Zinc or some other cuck. Laporte is as safe as safe comes and seems like a guy I could just not look at or worry about for months. See a pattern here?

MID:

Salah (bur)

Mo sticks obv. Nothing to say about that.

Sterling & De Bruyne (BHA)

Raz and Kevin are in alongside and also picks that don't really need much explanation.

Alon did float an interesting idea to go Kun over Kevin for the next couple little miniwindow of good fixtures but in the end I just didn't want to take on that risk when I view Kevin as just a guy I could hold for months.

Now that my triple City and triple Pool are out there in the open, it's time to get into the dross.

Cantwell (whu)

Cantwell is in... and although his underlying stats are questionable at best given his high points total so far... he still seems like a no brainer option right now. I have no clue how long he'll keep it up, but at his price I'll find out.

McGinn (cry)

Finally, I'm going with McGinn to round out the midfield.

I don't feel greattttt about him, but they've got pretty good fixtures in the near term and he seems to be in and around a lot of what they do so far. Villa look like they are somewhat reasonable going forward and after a nice performance against Everton maybe they will be able to score some goals in this good run.

Certainly not a long term pick here, but he'll do for now.

FWD:

Pukki (whu)

Pukki is still in... nothing to see here.

Haller (NOR)

Next to him is Haller.

He looks good and looks to be justifying the preseason hype. Realistically I was looking at him or Mount as my last call to make. I'm not sure I'm going the right direction with Haller and McGinn but it seems like an okay gamble to go for the upside play with West Ham up against NOR, avl in the next two. 

Mount seems like a better long term pick, but with a tricky next few I'll go without for a little and then reassess. Haller might also just be the truth. Pod partner loved the fuck out of him preseason, so that's a good sign. He might just be great and wetspam, as we know, are not built to defend.

BENCH:

Lundstram (che)

Rico (lei)

Nketiah (TOT)

Avert your eyes. I'm on Lundy, Rico, and Necktie.

Oh yeah and Woodman the legend.

I know the likes of Button may be in better standing with the price changes but I will not be bullied into getting rid of my Championship players. I will not stand for that. Anyway, this bench is fucking bad, but I think I'll be able to get away with it for a little bit. Lund will rotate a bit with Cantwell. Seems fine. Rico...I have no fucking idea what Edward is doing but it seems like Rico has a better chance than Kelly to have a job for more than another couple of games. Or he won't play another minute this season - who is to say.

I have no delusions about this, I will need to do something about this nightmare group at some point, but that point is not now. The biggest risk of my team is probably how absurdly bad the bench is so we'll see if that comes back to fuck me over or not.

CAP:

Sterling (BHA)

I'll be on Raz. Pretty straightforward and not going to overthink it. Should batter Brighton - hopefully he'll be in with a return or two.

—

ALON

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Pérez, Richarlison, Gomez

IN (for -4 points hit): Mount, De Bruyne, Emerson

Clearly if your name ends in a zed then you’re straight out my fucking team.

But in actuality these moves kinda wrote themselves... I had exactly four bad picks in my side after last GW and I’m off to a solid start. Three of them are now dealt with via guys that I like short term and long term and my last bad guy, Gerry D, has a fabulous fixture so just praying on that one.

First hit of the season I have to say does not feel as thrilling as I thought it might. It kinda feels like the beginning of the end??? But I’m trying to not be dramatic about it.

GK:

Ederson (BHA)

Potter is a clever lad and gave City a scare in the cup last season but as long as Pep takes his head out of his ass and starts ‘Dinho or Rodrigo then this should be a straightforward clean.

If neither start then I’m genuinely scared and might start thinking about moving away from City defense.

DEF:

van Dijk (bur)

Liverpool haven’t cleaned home or away vs. Burnley in a long ass time and it’s understandable why. They’re tough, they’re annoying, they throw bodies around, Barnes and Wood are good, McNeil is good, Gudmundsson is pretty good, etc etc... But still, this should be a clean, and Matip’s aerial prowess will be very useful... I wonder if this is the game Gomez starts over Trent at RB for another big boy to win headers and shit? TBD.

Digne (WOL)

Should be an easy clean here. Wolves have been the worst attack in the division thus far and I see no reason for that to really turn around.

Wolves will park and barely attack and as long as Everton don’t get caught with their pants at their ankles on a Jota/Jim counter then it should be a clean. And maybe Digne will dazzle us with another worldy FK like he hit in the cup.

Nightmare for all of our eyes that this match is one of the two featured matches on Sunday. It will be a disgusting viewing experience.

Söyüncü (BOU)

Leicester have been very tight to start the season and getting Ndidi back fit is gigantic for their cleansheet prospects. I like Leicester to control this game and allow Bournemouth very little... Söy is the fucking man I love him.

Emerson (SHU)

Last but not least is the first new boy into my team, Emerson gets SHU at home.

it should be a relatively straight forward clean but I say that and they’re still without Kante and Rudiger so ugh who the fuck knows... They did a great job shutting down Norwich for the final ~60 minutes of that match and I’m hoping they continue with that form.

Emerson also has been on the ball constantly for Chelsea and creating and shooting and everything good so here here to an attacking return.

MID:

Salah (bur)

It’s sorta weird how some people are still slagging off Mo and avoiding him on wildcard and he’s not been talked about for captaincy at all. I don’t get it but whatever. He’s simply the best attacker in the league and best fantasy player in the game for the third year running. /shrug.

Sterling & De Bruyne (BHA)

Welcome to the team Kevin!! Been talking about him a lot on basically every pod this season so far so it’s nice to finally have the boy in my team.

City attack are best in the world and I feel like Sterling is the biggest piece of it you can get in one player and conversely for 9.5 the value of Kevin is just incredible. 200 points coming as usual for Kev barring injury: book it.

Mount (SHU)

Mount, another new boy and another pod darling, coming straight the fuck in...

The fixtures following Sheff U. are brutal but he’s just been so fucking good. Eye test and stats and everything about him make him very easy to love from the FPL perspective. Shooting a ton and it’s not hard to imagine another goal on the break vs. Sheff U.

FWD:

Pukki (whu)

Duh Pukki easy. Dynamite fixture should be a wide open crazy game. Can’t wait.

Deulofeu (new)

The aforementioned last shitty guy in my team is this guy.

Gerry has looked pretty good in last couple and had very nice stats vs. West Ham last week.

With Deeney out hurt you’d imagine Gerry goes back up top and hopefully Sarr comes in for Hughes and maybe Watford get going this week... They really have not been as bad as their points column shows so far. Bounce back for me lad.

BENCH:

Greenwood (sou)

Hayden (WAT)

Maitland-Niles (TOT)

CAP:

Pukki (whu)

I really foresee this being an absolute barnburner no defense yolo high-scoring face-fuck of a match and Pukki is the absolute center of everything that Norwich do scoring wise - assisting goals and scoring goals. I’m expecting a double return with an upside of more...

It’s risky and punty seeing how Sterling and other City players will makeup the huuuuuuuge percentage of caps this week but the one thing, maybe only thing?, about Sterling or Kun or Kevin vs. Pukki is that City can score 5 and one of those guys can blank... We’ve seen it happen before... I don’t really see a world where Norwich score 2+ and Pukki isn’t heavily involved....... I’m riding the hottest player in the league against a bottom 3-5 defense in the league. It’s not that crazy... right?!?!?

Hold me.

—

RANDOM SLACKER OF THE WEEK: RAI - On Wildcard

The words of Random Slacker are not officially endorsed by this website nor any employees of FML FPL LLC.

TRANSFERS:

Wildcard

GK:

Pope (LIV)

An easy pick despite a less than ideal first fixture. Turf Moor is back to being a FOOKIN' FORTRESS and BUR keepers are always golden for FPL.

RIP Leno my sweet prince.

DEF:

Alexander-Arnold & Robertson (bur)

Most managers started with at least 2 pool defenders and how we react to their lack of cleans defines what kind of manager you are.

I've personally gone for the 9000 IQ move of buying Robbo back for 0.1 cheaper and I look forward to their inevitable attacking returns (and hopefully some cleans too).

Digne (WOL)

Every time I watch Everton play they look unfathomably awful but Digne keeps punishing me with an endless stream of cleans, dongs, and assists.

I had him in my draft before the absurd Carabao free kick and that cemented his place for me. Just like the Pool boys Digne is a friend with benefits: a defender, offering multiple ways to slap your anus beyond cleans.

MID:

Sterling & De Bruyne (BHA)

I'm all in on City this wildcard, their mini-run of BHA nor WAT is arguably their tastiest run of the season and if there's any time to triple on City attack it feels like now.

Not much to say about these two that you don't know already but I fully expect Kevin to break his duck and score his first dong this season at home to Brighton.

Mount (SHU)

Mount is looking like the cheap value mid on a top team that we all wanted Perez to be. He is showing a Lampard-esque knack of knowing when to make late runs to pick up goals. His price point and Chelsea's medium term fixtures make him a no brainer.

Cantwell (whu)

Interlinks with Pukki well. A pure value pick with a nice attacking fixture this week.

FWD:

Agüero (BHA)

Jesus is out for at least this fixture which hopefully means a 90 minute fuck fest for Kun. I'm hoping Pep utilizes Jesus mainly for their predictably easy UCL group. Funding Kun has meant sacrificing a Pool mid which is obviously a huge risk but ultimately I'm having fun and Kun is fun.

Haller (NOR)

A definite bandwagon pick this week but the Frenchman is proving hard to ignore particularly for all of us on wildcard.

He has a nice couple of fixtures and there are plenty of strikers priced just below him to move to if it doesn't work out.

Pukki (whu)

I delayed slightly in signing Pukki and my rank plummeted faster than a piss towel so I won't be doubting the master plan again.

He's looking like the Jimi of this season.

BENCH:

Lundstram (che)

OOP cheap lad, nothing more to say here.

Söyüncü (BOU)

Considered Kelly in this spot but Söy is much more nailed and a cheap way into a solid team.

Elneny (TOT)

Non-playing 3rd bench at 4.4 mil, if I had the extra 0.1 then this would be Dendoncker.

CAP:

Agüero (BHA)

One downside of triple City attack is having no idea who to cap.

A chance of 90 minutes of Kun is hard to ignore and I’m going with the big balls play here.

[horsebitesfence]

On Chronophobia and ADHD – RB with Hestia Peppe

RB: hey, i think i just self-diagnosed with ADHD, am i right in thinking that's something you know about? would welcome any recs you might have for reading/resources

.

RB: (it would explain so muchhhh)

.

RB: (also wondering about the rel between ADHD and trauma)

.

HP: Oooh yes! ADHD is definitely the errr paradigm I am working with right now if that's a way to think about it.

.

HP: I am actually amazed by how practically useful it has been to think in these terms.

But I will say in terms of research/resources stuff is thin on the ground and mixed up with a lot of neurocognitive research which i find quite dodgy in places, not to mention the (very american) pharmaceutical agenda.The best stuff i found has been self advocacy descriptive personal account stuff, and that has been very much a process of reading between the lines.

Basically, people with ADHD tend to at least appear quite ‘high functioning’ (not an ideal phrase because hierarchies) so go undetected often, and then its very very stigmatised, i would say, in that often symptoms or traits are judged in moral terms. The most important sort of secondary ideas i have found are about Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, and anxiety as a hugely comorbid secondary issue which is more likely to be treated than the ADHD itself.

The relationship to discipline and goal-setting is formative, as is chronophobia or a traumatised relation to time, and sometimes memory. The neurocognitive hypothesis is that it’s a problem in the dopamine cycle, so process is more fulfilling than completion of work; but i am super skeptical about neurotransmitter theories.

.

HP: As far as its relation to trauma goes, i would say it probably renders us more vulnerable to CPTSD. Lack of diagnosis or 'management' of ADHD leads to problematic coping mechanisms, leading possibly to abusive or addictive behaviours or on the other end vulnerability from a lack of or funky interpersonal boundaries. But whether anything is causal/symptomatic or comorbid seems always particularly hard to tell with ADHD, partly because of the non-typical relation to time.

HP: The neurocognitive hypothesis is that it’s a problem in the dopamine cycle, so [that] process is more fulfilling than completion of work, but i am super skeptical about neurotransmitter theories.

.

HP: On the plus side, [my] university and NHS [practitioners] have both been really encouraging about seeking help for it and getting a psychiatric diagnosis, which i am interested in, tho will no doubt have its downsides.

Most important, i think, is that mental health problems are treated in the context of ADHD as a constitution, rather than [in isolation], and i think that would go for trauma stuff too. Apparently ADHD folks have less success with SSRIs than others.
I think a body focused/somatic approach [is] v. v. productive, for both ADHD and trauma.

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria [also] seems key. It’s the idea that the emotional impact of rejection is almost irrationally high in many ADHD folks, but [then again] this may be a traumatised relation from the stigma of ADHD, and literally being reprimanded more often than neurotypical folks, rather than being an essential difference. So if there's an interaction with trauma specific to ADHD it might be related to emotional response to external stimuli being higher.

.

RB: gosh, yea.

.

HP: Sorry so much.

.

RB:  Wondering how receptive my gp would be to my requesting an adult diagnosis

.

HP: My GP was like ‘yes, will refer u immediately’, but that’s with a recommendation from an Ed Psych which uni paid for. *UPDATE: NHS maybe aren’t doing this as quickly as i thought, so it remains to be seen if they follow through; and university seems to just be sending me through as many hoops as possible, lots of assessments, minimal support systems.

.

RB: ok

.

RB:  i saw this on Twitter – ‘ADHD Explained Using Comics’ by Dani Donovan,1

and, like, so much of it is me. ,2So much. idk what chronophobia is but def. have weird relationship with time. Very weird.

.

HP:  I have sort of made up chronophobia but am sure its a thing.

..

RB: 'comorbidity'

.

RB:  i feel lost in time.

.

HP: It seems to me the best stuff around is DIY stuff exactly like the comics u link to

.

RB: also – trouble starting anything; trouble finishing without hard external deadlines – so me.

 .

RB: why i never write

.

HP:  I think these are like the defining traits tbh

.

RB: even tho i want/need to be writing

.

RB: + procrastinating

.

HP:  Comorbidity is the creepiest word

.

RB: as described ^^

HP:  Same!

RB: do u medicate for it, may i ask? seems like mindfulness / meditation cld really be helpful

RB:  i had an insane year on citalopram

HP: In America they see it as essential to medicate for it from a v early age but i am like v v v skeptical

.

RB: sertraline seemed better

.

HP:  I took Prozac for 5 years; it didn’t do much except make me sleepy and a bit ok with shit life, but for ADHD it’s Ritalin or Vyvanse, so treatment with low constant dose of stimulants (*sometimes also something called dopamine blockers, but I don't know the details).

RB: ok; so, like coffee? just on my risky 2nd cup.

HP:  I dont myself want this prescription.

HP:  Am sure mindfulness etc v. good, but i do think body-focused methods best.

RB: ok

HP: I read this Twitter by Erynn Brook (sp?), and she advocates meds but also talks a lot about building in good coping mechanisms like how you organise yrsrlf in space/time in ways that work for u.

RB: yea; more interested in strategy

HP: So yeah strategy v. key.

RB: hey thanks so much, also in as much as i may unconsciously have posited u as gatekeeper. couldn’t have hoped for a more helpful reply.

HP: No worries! It’s good talking to other people about it cos the grand narrative of it is well shaky

HP: One thing i have worked out is that it’s all just emerging now so u can’t really gatekeep it, thank fuck. Glad to be helpful always. Check out Erynn Brook and remember being kind to yourself cos probably u havent been being if u just got to this point.

[time passes]

RB: hey, i'd really like to hear a bit more about your thinking on chronophobia;

it stayed with me as a strong motif.  felt so 'full' when you said it it took me a while to realise i hadn't asked u to describe it.

HP: Yes I would love to see you and talk about all this stuff. I have thoughts tjoughts thought ... Google searching ‘Chronophobia’ brings up this book from MIT about art in the 60s:

https://mitpress.mit.edu/books/chronophobia. It appears to be also a term in use in psychology/self help; is in wiktionary, and appears to mean the obvious: fear of the passing of time. Associations with incarcerated people, particularly, suffering from it and also anyone suffering from heightened stress and anxiety. Searching chronophobia + ADHD, there are plenty of hits, so, again, this seems a well-made connection. I’m also thinking about ‘Chrononormativity’, an idea i was first introduced to by my friend Helen Stuhr Rommereim, and which I think she gets from Elizabeth Freeman (possibly via Lauren Berlant), in relation to ‘queer time’ or a failure to achieve normative milestones in the time allotted, such as maturity, childbearing, marriage. Her paper on this is included in the documentation of a conference about Chris Kraus we both attended in 2013, which is where we met as we were on the same panel. 3

HP: Context in my work right now – all of this to do with ideas about speculation, past/present/future, chance/fate, resistance to goal/plan/target, not knowing what to do.

I’m currently doing some early/cursory research into the mythology of the fates (Ancient Greek and other cultures) as spinners, and thread as line; trying to parse linearity and how it might or might not relate to neurodivergence/neurotypicality. I like lines as a way of following or tracing, and also drawing as well as writing –thinking a lot about the work of Renee Gladman, who is interested in architecture and fiction (prose architectures), and works with drawing and writing and the relation between the two – so, also automatic and asemic writing. I also think a lot about Ariadne’s red thread in the labyrinth, and now that i am trying to learn to spin, how all threads are made of many tiny ones. This trying to spin has grown out of an old durational performance work i have done for years – so, durational performance, as a form, is part of this, maybe, for me. I always like the durational form, as it is more about setting up boundaries in space and then letting time happen than [it is about] existing in linear time. Chronophobia as anxiety about mortality, and control, or volition/agency; or the trace of subjectivity in the world (cf maybe tim ingold). Also, there are two types of time in the classical sense: Kairos (the now) and Chronos (history), or something like that.  None of this is fact-checked, I must say.Tarot cards relating to time are: wheel of fortune, temperance, death, the hanged man.

HP: Not sure i am doing this right, but thought some context to the earlier conversation might be useful for orientation, at the same time as thinking about my own self-diagnosis of ADHD and how it relates to knowledge and action and intention and access. Not sure if you saw this on my Twitter, but I thought it was a very good overview of neurodiversity discourse as it stands: https://www.janinebooth.com/content/two-and-half-cheers-neurodiversity

RB: Thanks. You’re doing this very right, I’d say.  Like somewhere back in the transcript there is a ‘gosh, yea’ of mine which stands in as a marker for the point at which my mind was blown, began to make new neural connections, bathed in a sort of speechless radiant awe for what you said; and this feels the same only more so, galaxy brain in mandelbrot – only grounded in and by your efforts to verbalise it and connect it with your work and that of others. That this is what you’re working on for your doctorate – I am awed and excited to know it. I would really like to be present when you perform.  I’m really impressed by your articulation. I feel such a relieved shock of recognition for chronophobia as you describe it, as something I had begun to acknowledge and articulate internally, but never outside myself, verbally or otherwise; nor had any inkling that it might be tangled up with ADHD ... nor that it is something other people experience or know about, nor that you are working on it in this profound way. I feel less alone and am honoured that you shared this here with us.

RB: Also – ehheh!  I saw today that we both liked this tweet

RB: Another highlight, for me, of today’s feed –

RB: I’m always keen for writers’ writing on technique, scanning in case I find a key there to my own outward articulacy and/or the means to vanquish distraction/avoidance. Just remembered when the poet Lucy Mercer said to me that as a writer, I’m a weaver. I was happy with that then and I am happy with it here, in this context. 4

HP: Hey! This is all so kind of you to say I am sort of overwhelmed. I can't believe i have even been paid for this already, so shout out to that. I made up chronophobia because  i wanted a way to describe my fear of time. I dont think it was really to talk to anyone else about it. I looked it up afterwards when I mentioned it to you I guess i have really let you have it with the inner monologue. I looked it up after I mentioned it to you. I figured that this had, you know, happened before, that other people would already be using this word. And they are. As a sort of intra-post-script, it is important to say that in terms of ADHD I came to this knowledge or understanding after like 12 years working as a private tutor, and without the students I worked with in that time I don’t see how I would have got to this articulation, so immense gratitude and respect to them for the thinking we did together about how thinking and learning work for different people.

HP: I was going to email you and ask for a deadline today but in the end i didn't write any emails because i was just spinning yarn on the wheel. It’s an amazing process learning to do it. Like a truly never-has-to-end embodied action. I think it could be the best way to replace some obsessive Twitter scrolling. My dad totally gets it. He says singing while spinning, that's the thing, he's heard. I learnt how to learn things from him mostly. I think maybe both my folks have ADHD. It’s supposed to be super heritable.

HP: My mum's a doctor. That's maybe where I get the cavalier attitude to discussing stuff like this you are supposed to be an expert to be allowed to think about. I am absolutely not an expert except perhaps of my own experience. Which this is, but but i push it, i know that. tho I don’t want the meds, I absolutely want to stress i am not like totally against meds. Chemicals are fine and good. Like coffee or you know whatever works. I am just in favour of people being given the best possible understanding of any treatment they undergo. I feel like i wanna unwind my own coping mechanisms like manually. Maybe that's a perk of late diagnosis – for me, anyway.

HP: I have to stop now. I am in a park and it’s dark now. I was sitting in the park cos i was an hour early to get a lift from my friend because i was so worried about being late. It’s perfect timing though. If you like sitting in parks watching orange street-lamps through blossom as if they are the sunset like some kinda shook moth. Which I do. And then type super fast into a phone cos you know someone asked.

HP: Thanks xx

RB: <3

RB: Thank you

1 –   https://Twitter.com/danidonovan/status/1100414551932030984

2

3 (http://www.metamute.org/editorial/books/you-must-make-your-death-public-collection-texts-and-media-work-chris-kraus )

4 mercer | ˈməːsə | noun British, chiefly historical a dealer in textile fabrics, especially silks, velvets, and other fine materials. (Oxford English Dictionary Version 2.3.0 (203.16.12))

[theedblog]

Hey-O! The only thing I love more than the football season is the couple weeks leading up to it. So much hope...so much promise...mmmmm yeah. I’m no Pro Football Focus but I do have doodles to go along with my much less researched opinions so it pretty much evens out. I’ll break my 2017 Preview down by Division, including The Ed’s All-Division teams and Divisional Offensive Player of the Year, Defensive Player of the Year, Rookie of the Year, Breakout Player of the Year, and the most important new comer to each division. Just a heads up, I added a FLEX position on offense which is available for any RB, WR, or TE. On Defense I was pretty open ended about Edge, labeling them either LB or DL. This was just so I didn’t leave out any top tier players in a division that happened to be full of good D-Linemen and thin on Linebackers and vice versa.

We’ll start our tour with the NFC West. The division that was seen for a brief moment as the new tough guy division. The Niners/Seahawks rivalry was the new Steelers/Ravens (puh-leeeeez). This was the lunch pale division for the length of a tuna melt sandwich and a cup of joe barely enjoyed with greasy hands on a steel beam sixty stories up. But then Jim Harbaugh left and we all woke up and remembered what this was...a group of goddamn west coast elites (amirite? right?!). Even the Legion of Boom just kinda bitches about stuff now. Let’s take a look at how the ol’ NFC West is gonna shake out.

All NFC West Crew:

QB - Russell Wilson, Seahawks

RB - Dirt Johnson, Cardinals

TE - Jimmy Graham, Seahawks

WR - Doug Baldwin, Seahawks

WR - Larry Fitzgerald, Cardinals

FLEX - John Brown, Cardinals

OL - Jared Veldheer, Cardinals

OL - Mike Iupati, Cardinals

OL - Andrew Whitworth, Rams

OL - Justin Britt, Seahawks

OL - Joe Staley, 49ers

DL - Mike Bennett, Seahawks

DL - Aaron Donald, Rams

DL - Chandler Jones, Cardinals

DL - Markus Golden, Cardinals

LB - Deone Bucannon, Cardinals

LB - K.J. Wright, Seahawks

LB - Bobby Wagner, Seahawks

DB - Richard Sherman, Seahawks

DB - Patrick Peterson, Cardinals

DB - Earl Thomas, Seahawks

DB - Kam Chancellor, Seahawks

Offensive Player of the Year - DangerRuss Wilson, QB - Seahawks

Defensive Player of the Year - Aaron Donald, DL - Rams

Rookie of the Year - Reuben Foster, LB - 49ers

Breakout Player of the Year - Robert Nkemdiche, DL - Cardinals

Comeback Player of the Year - Robert Quinn, DL - Rams

New Comer of the Year - Andrew Whitworth, OL - Rams

This division was actually pretty easy. There weren’t too many tough choices. The offensive Flex position could’ve gone to a couple different guys. I thought about calling a Todd Gurley return which is very likely but that team is going to be shit and they’ll be abandoning the power running attack before half most games. In that Arizona offense John Brown is going to get his deep looks one way or the other. Even if the second best looking and second best quarterback of the Hanson Brothers (not sure if any of them can play or not, I just have a hard time saying Blaine Gabbert is the best quarterback in any group of people) ends up playing, the rock is going deep in the desert. Carlos Hyde was also a thought but he’s starting to feel like the Sam Bradford of running backs. Every year is ‘the year it all comes together’. The only really tough choice was going with both the Arizona edge guys over the other two edge rushers in Seattle or Robert Quinn. But Cliff Avril and Frank Clark are going to be rotational players (very good ones to be fair) and Quinn is coming off a couple down seasons. I gotta give the edge (no pun intended) to the Arizona boys. I wanted to put Navarro Bowman at linebacker over Deone Bucannon but I just can’t believe at this point he will put together a full 16 game season while Bucannon is a dynamic talent with the potential to hit an elite level of play.

As far as rookies in this division go there are a few good ones. Solomon Thomas is my bet to be the best of the bunch but I get a feeling they are really going to stretch his abilities thin in a variety of roles as a rookie. Hasaan Reddick is another one that will be good but he is switching positions and is likely to play behind Karlos Dansby early on. Budda Baker is going to be a fun player to watch and a great compliment to the Honey Badger (the nickname combos should be great) but is a guy Arizona will have to move around to find his best position as a pro. He will also probably start out playing behind a veteran (Antoine Bethea). Gerald Everett will get touches for the Rams but he’ll have to transition from a small school to the NFL at a position that already sees a lot of guys struggle with that jump. Reuben Foster is not only pro-ready but actually going to a more simple defense where he will just be asked to chase and tackle. At the combine he really showed how well suited he was for playing linebacker in the NFL. We didn’t get to see him run a 40 or do reps of 225 because he got kicked out of the combine for going ape shit on some lunch lady asking ‘DON’T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!?!!’ showing supreme confidence and blind rage.

Former first round O-linemen like Josh Garnett and D.J. Humphries were options as breakout candidates but it’s tough to picture guys like that making as big an impact as stat getters (gatherers?) like pass rushers, running backs, etc.. Maurice Alexander was a thought. He should be really good as a full time starter for L.A. this year in place of departed T.J. McDonald. However, he may end up playing high safety too often to really rack up tackles in the box. Instead, I think Robert Nkemdiche has a Jadeveon Clowney kind of impact this year. He may not be a double digit sack guy yet but like Clowney he should start hitting his stride as a dominant run defender. Give him some time to get them dreads out and he’ll be a damn spitting image of former Cardinals bad ass, Darnell Dockett.

Comeback player in this division wasn’t close in my opinion. Robert Quinn is a former All-Pro pass rusher who is still young enough to bounce back from a couple down seasons. It helps he plays with maybe the best defensive player in the league, Aaron Donald and will fill the rock star position in Wade Phillip’s super aggressive defense. He will have the green light to get down field this season and I suspect he gets back to form.

San Fran has loaded up with new faces but they are mostly all just place holders on a bad team. The Seahawks will win this division regardless so I’m looking to the future when it comes to this division’s best new comer. Less-pretty-and-probably-less-good-at-Quarterback-Ryan Gosling (I find myself having the same problem with Jared Goff as I do Blaine Gabbert) has zero chance of being worth all of those draft picks if they don’t at least give him a chance to throw the ball. So bringing in one of this generation’s best offensive linemen was a smart move for the Rams (awful move for Whitworth however). We should get a better look at Goff as an honest to god QB and not just the face of the organization this year.

Dirt ‘David’ Johnson was the only real contender for the NFC West’s Offensive Player of the Year but as soon as Carson Palmer goes down in week 6 this team will start going to shit real quick. It’s hard to pass over the best QB in the division playing for the best team in the division (Russ Wilson).

There are some truly elite defenders in this division. Maybe more so than any other in football and yet it wasn’t even close. Aaron Donald was the best defensive player in football last year and as long as J.J. Watt is having constant back problems Khalil Mack is the only real contender for that title.

Seahawks win this division. Even with an absolute shit offensive line they should sweep the Rams and 49ers and I’d guess split the Cardinals series. Next up...The AFC West.