#I’m going to a concert at the end of the week so maybe I’ll write on the drive ?

[parkersbliss]

GRACIE 🥺🥺🥺 U KNOW IT ill always be here

glad u've been picking up hobbies— it rlly is kinda scary (the expenses..) omg i still think i have no time for them between college and traveling weekly from my hometown to univ.. even tho i personally have been thinking of trying tennis for awhile

pls i couldnt read five fanfics after watching it.. considering every time i rewatch the prev seasons i would get the urge to read some.. it was really that bad.. BUT the first fic i read again was ur coffee candy blurb that i req long ago ofc ✨

i totally agree... s2 five was peak writing tbh.. they could've had diff ways to end the show— even a diff direction right from the start of the season.. and the best quality of five that i loved was how he put his family first.. no way boo's gonna throw that all out the window when he spent 40+ years in the apocalypse for lila (who btw should also have issues with it— five did unalive her parents and his past with the handler) + I LOVED THEIR BESTIE DYNAMICS IN S3 😭

the fic.. 👀 would love to take a peak but it all depends on u queen im just here for the vibes -✨

tbh if you really wanna do it you’ll find a way to make time!! my ice rink is like 40ish minutes from me so I can only go once a week for like an hour

not reading any more fics is so real like I can’t imagine the post season ick 😭 THAT FIC IS SO POPULAR like I logged back on and it has like 7K notes or something??? so thanks for making me famous lol

NO LITERALLY anything else could’ve been better and I totally forgot he killed Lila’s parents like why she’s chill with that NOW? the friendship was SO peak and that’s what we deserved :(

I should go back & edit it but I feel like it’d WAYY to long to post on tumblr like it’s 30 chapters one for each episode…

[reysdriver]

okay, just thinking about some celebrity daring to hit on sirius and he's like "bitch??" and then immediately runs to tattoo reader's name (VERY BIG) on the left side of his chest, right over his heart! and since he takes off his shirt at every show, everyone can enjoy the view (reader is also taken by surprise, she gets very horny if you ask me

Sirius shows the world where his passion lies — rockstar!sirius x reader fluff

warnings: allusions to sex, very suggestive

words: 1k

a/n: I love this request so much omggg that is such a Sirius thing to do (I could see James doing it too actually) but it's just PERFECT. I did change it a bit by making reader know about it beforehand but I hope it's still good! Also horny part 2 maybe... idk yet

You came back to the hotel room with coffee in your hand, a bag of pastries in your purse, and a tabloid magazine under your arm. 

With The Marauders on tour, you’ve been living out of suitcases with your boyfriend and your friends for the last couple weeks. You’ve all been sharing sleep schedules with wolves, staying up until dawn and sleeping later than everyone else in whatever city you were staying in. 

That’s precisely why you left to grab breakfast at eleven in the morning and Sirius was still fast asleep. 

By the time you got back, you walked in to find Sirius wide awake, but still in bed, tangled in the bedsheets. 

“Good morning, love.” Sirius said, shirtless with one hand behind his head. 

“It was a good morning.” You teased, tossing him the magazine. “Then I saw you in the news.”

“Me?” He feigned surprise. It wasn’t at all uncommon for Sirius to be in the news or the tabloids, but it was usually for something he did, not some pop princess who writes songs you get tired of after two listens. 

Sirius sat up and scanned the front page, curious as to what was going on. 

Mary Macdonald makes her move on rock star Sirius Black; New musical romance in the works?

The caption was sitting atop a picture of the popstar in question onstage at a concert, her crop top showing off a fake tattoo on her abdomen with text reading Reserved 4 Sirius Black alongside an arrow pointed down. 

“Oh, come on.” Sirius laughed, throwing the paper to the end of the bed. “This is what got you all bothered?”

You set your purse down and brought the coffee and pastries over to your boyfriend. 

“Yes, so bothered I almost didn’t buy you a coffee. Be happy I did, though.” 

“Of course I’m happy. I love you, doll.”

Sirius lifted the sheets and held out a hand to beckon you into the bed with him. You obey reluctantly, putting on a dramatic pout as you crawled in with your boyfriend and straddled his lap. 

“You know you’re the only one for me, right?” He whispered, hands tracing along your hips. 

You combed your fingers through his perfect hair, a frown on your face. 

“Tell that to the singer-songwriter superstar announcing to the world that you’re the only person she wants between her legs.” 

Sirius smiled in a way that made it painfully obvious he had something stupid to say. “Love, there are millions of people who feel that exact way about me. Including you, I would hope.”

Damn, this man was exhausting. And of course you loved him for it. 

You rolled your eyes and tried to get out of the hotel bed, though your attempt was foiled by Sirius holding you back. 

You let him get his way, but gave him an unimpressed look that did not match his badly-stifled grin. 

“I’ll take care of it, alright?” He said, not elaborating at all. 

You shook your head, hoping he would say more about whatever PR stunt he had in mind. 

“Siri, what are you gonna do?”

“Don’t you trust me?” Sirius said softly. He took your hand in his and slid your palm gently across his bare chest. “I’ll take care of it, don’t you worry.”

✦✧✦✧✦

The next concert the band had was a few days after you first saw that magazine. You stood in the wings of the concert stage, just before the show started. 

All the other band members had gone onto the stage and started setting up their instruments and playing the long intro to the opening song; it was just Sirius left, saying goodbye to you before he started performing and you made your way to the VIP section. 

“You’re gonna do great, Siri.” You told him sincerely. 

He winked at you, cocky as ever. 

“I always do.” 

Sirius then softened and masked your tone. He held your upper arms and pressed a kiss to your forehead. 

“I’ll let them all know I’m yours, and only yours.”

“They’re gonna go crazy.” You smiled.

“Damn right, they will. I’ll see you out there.”

Sirius gave your ass a playful smack before jogging out to the stage before he missed his cue, so you went down to your reserved space in the audience to see the band play from the best angle. 

The audience lost their minds when Sirius ran onto the stage, per usual, screaming and shouting when all he’s done so far was enter. 

But once Sirius started singing, the crowd noticed something off about the performance—Sirius was wearing a whole shirt for the first time throughout this tour. None of the band acknowledged it, of course; they were too busy playing music to be worried about what Sirius was wearing tonight. 

Once the song finished, Sirius took a moment to say hello to the audience. After all the routine talking points—you know, your ‘how’s everybody doing?’ and whatnot—Sirius found it was the right time to say what he wanted to say. 

“I saw a magazine cover the other day, with my name on it.” He started. “And not for the usual reasons. Mary Macdonald, I think it was…”

Many audience members went wild at the mention of her name, either because they were fans of her music, or they knew exactly what headlines Sirius was referring to. 

“That was definitely an odd thing to wake up and see. But I’ve thought about it because it’s been everywhere, and I just have one thing to say about that.”

Instead of responding verbally, Sirius pulled off his black tank top with a smooth, swift motion, revealing his newest tattoo. 

Your name was printed loud and clear on his chest, right over his heart. He got it done the day the Mary Macdonald pictures came out, and he was ecstatic to show it off to the world. 

It caused quite a reaction, but you weren’t listening to the audience to know what they were even thinking. All you cared about was Sirius up on that stage, blowing you a kiss as The Marauders started to play the next song.

[deanssluvr]

thought you were made for me

part 2 | part 3

pairing: brother’s bsf!Joost Klein x fem!reader

warnings: mentions of drugs and alcohol

word count: 2.4k

a/n: this is my first fic so please be nice. I didn’t really expect to write more than 500 words lmao. Also, this isn’t proofread sorry. I plan on writing a part 2 for this.

It had already been a long and tough week. With just finishing the last of your final exams the week prior. Each exam felt like it took years off of your life. And the week itself felt as though it would never end. Not even mentioning the multiple all-nighters you pulled to study before. But when it was finally over you were beyond ecstatic. And now you got to finally be at home and relax.

It was relatively quiet morning. You had decided to stay in the comfort of your blanket for a while longer before deciding to head down to the kitchen. There you were greeted by your brother Ethan and his best friend Joost. They were making breakfast. Well, it was just your brother cooking and Joost waiting patiently. Ever since Joost finished touring, he’d been spending a lot of time at your house. Spending multiple nights in your guest room. Your parents never really minded because he was nice and respectful. Usually, they’re in your brother’s room playing video games or out doing something. You never really got the chance to see him a lot since you were off to college. But you were hoping that would change now that you were home.

“Good morning.” Joost smiled softly. Ethan turned away from the stove briefly to tell you good morning and offered you breakfast. You nodded and turned back Joost. He was sipping a cup coffee and the steam was slightly fogging up his glasses. He took them off and set them on the counter beside him.

“Good morning Joost.” You returned the smile. He moved next to you from where he was standing. 

“And how are you this morning?” he asked in a low tone. His voice was still laced with sleep.

“I’m good. Just glad to be back home. How are you this morning.” You looked up at him and through tired eyes.

“Better now,” he spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. It caught you off guard. Was he flirting with you? Before you can finish that thought your brother hands you both a plate of food. You thanked him and they walk out of the kitchen to the dining room. Leaving you to your thoughts.

—

Later on that day, you called your best friends. They discussed with you their plans with their newfound freedom. You were shocked at their ideas. Party here and bar hop there. You thought they were just as exhausted as you. The idea of getting wasted as a celebration wasn’t your favorite idea. You just wanted to catch up on sleep.

“But we’ve been doing nothing but staying in our dorms for finals. We NEED to go out,” she stated.

“I know. I know. But maybe we could do something a bit more laid back. Like the movies or that festival that’s in town.” I practically pleaded with them. But it was no use. They weren’t changing their minds, and I was outvoted two to one. The conversation shifted back to their ideas for celebration for the next few days.

After agreeing to meet up this weekend, you said your goodbyes to your friends and hung up the phone. But quickly after your brother texts you.

hey Joost has a concert tonight. i have an extra ticket. wanna go with me?

You thought about it for a good moment. You just wanted to get some extra sleep tonight, but on the other hand, you haven’t spent much time with your brother since you left for college. And now is a better time than ever to make up for lost time. Also, you just wanted another excuse to see Joost.

ofc sounds like fun

it’s tonight at 8. i’ll pick you up at 7

You texted him “okay” before setting your phone back down, and finished making yourself lunch.

—

As leaned over the sink, you checked your makeup one last time in the mirror. You used your nail to fix your lipstick. You stepped back to look over your overall outfit and decided you were happy with the outcome. You sprayed a bit of your favorite perfume on yourself. Checking the time you realized you were ready a bit early, so you sat in your living room. You started scrolling through Instagram as you waited. Then a notification popped up in your phone.

hey i’m outside.

You quickly checked your appearance once last time in a nearby mirror and checked your purse to make sure you had everything. When you felt satisfied with everything you grabbed your keys and left the house.

The ride to the venue was relatively smooth. You talked about what you’d miss in each other’s lives. He explained to you how he just found a new job as a bartender at a new bar downtown. He also told you how he was saving up for a new place. You told him that you were really happy for him. When he asked about you, you told him about how you just finished up finals week and now you finally have time off. He gave you a small chuckle and congratulated you.

—

The outdoor venue was packed that night and people were trying to rush to the front. You’re glad your brother was there as he kept a secure grip on you and was able to push you both to the barricades near the stage. It was extremely humid that night with a faint smell of weed and cigarette smoke clogging the air.

The lights dimmed slightly and you heard a beat starting to play over the speakers. You could feel the anticipation from the crowd and it made you even more excited as you leaned forward on the barricade. Then Joost ran on stage. Blue flashing lights engulfed him as he started performing and the crowd, including yourself, began jumping to the beat.

Once the energy died down slightly, you were able to take him in. His outfit was really simple tonight. He was in a white dress shirt with his sleeves rolled up giving us a glimpse at the tattoos that littered his arms, a pair of baggy jeans, and his black thick-rimmed glasses that were fogging up every so often. Something was enticing about him and you couldn’t keep your eyes off of him.

You had never heard his music before, but that didn’t stop you from letting loose. Everyone around you on the other hand, including your brother, is yelling the lyrics word for word. Joost takes notice of this and walks further downstage towards your brother, acknowledging him and smiling. Now you were able to get a good look at his face. He is even prettier up close you thought to yourself. Then he looks over to you, holding eye contact for just a split second before giving you a wink and continuing his performance. You were in utter disbelief at the encounter. You honestly thought you had imagined it. You were pulled back to reality when the loud beat of the next song started pouring into your ears.

—

“Did you enjoy the concert?” your brother asked as you both walked to his car. You were still feeling the buzz of the concert. It felt like the night shouldn’t end here. Maybe because you wanted to see Joost again.

“Yes, I did! His music is so good. I had an amazing time.” You left out the part about him winking at you, but you felt that you should keep that bit of information to yourself.

“Well, I’m glad that you had a good time.” His phone chimed with a notification. As he checked it you decided to check your phone. Your friends were blowing up your phone about the concert. They loved Joost so they wanted to know how it went. As you texted them back, your brother spoke.

“Hey, Joost is having a little after-party at a club nearby. He’s asking if the both of us wanted to go.“ You considered it for a moment. You did want to see him again. But when you did what would you say? Maybe he does this to all of his fans. Your brother senses your indecisiveness and tries to help.

“You don’t have to go. I would understand. I mean you’re not close to him. I just asked because he said he wanted to see you.” You were surprised at his request.

“No. I want to. I would love to go.” You stated as you gave him a reassuring smile. He nodded as he started the car towards the new destination.

— 

Your eyes scan over the scene. A DJ was blasting music over the speakers, but it was more near the dance floor. The place was dim with small, warm lights keeping tables and the lit. You follow your brother as he leads you to a table that seats a few guys. When you got close enough you realized it was Joost and who you assumed were a few of his friends. He loudly acknowledged your brother as they shared an embrace. They share a few words before he sees you.

“Hey. I’m glad you came.” he hugged you and you embraced him back. He smelled faintly of cigarette smoke, but it didn’t bother you. You liked it. You both lingered for what was probably a moment too long before he let go. You looked over to your brother and saw that he went to talk to the other guys at the table. Leaving you with Joost. 

His eyes slowly scanned over you as he took in your appearance. Once his eyes reached yours, you noticed a different look in his eyes. Almost like hunger. Being under his gaze almost made you feel nervous.

“Come sit with me and let me pour you a drink.” He didn’t give you much of a choice as he grabbed your wrist lightly, his fingers brushing against your palm. He guided you to sit with him in the booth. He pulled you close enough to the point that your thighs were touching. You liked around and realized it was just the two. You scan the place and see your brother and his other friends have run off to the bar. Probably to do shots you thought to yourself. 

You focused your attention back to Joost who was carefully pouring you both a drink. Though it was hard to see, a small dim light slightly lit up his face allowing you to still see his face. His hair was even messier than it was at the concert but he still looked amazing. You notice his strikingly delicate features and his captivating eyes that seem to sparkle under the light. Your eyes then trace down his arms and you take note of the tattoos that are there.

“Here.” He pulls you out of your trance by handing you a glass with brown liquor in it. You take the glass from him, your finger faintly brushing his. You didn’t drink much and when you did it was mainly vodka. Nonetheless, you drank it anyway. He watched as you took a sip and smiled when you seemed to enjoy it. He drank some of his own before turning to you.

“Did you enjoy tonight’s show?” He leaned in closer making sure you heard his question. 

“Yes, I did. Your music is really good. I wish I had discovered your music sooner.” Even with how dark it is you notice the smile he gave you.

“I'm happy you had a good time. You know I know we don’t know each other that well, but I would love for us to get closer.” Once again he leaned in, but this time it was in your ear. His warm breath against your ear sent goosebumps across your skin. As he leaned back to look at you, he stopped just inches away from your face. You can faintly feel his breath against your lips. You swear can see his eyes glance at your lips for a second before looking back into your eyes. His expression changed again into what you saw when he first greeted you. Hunger. His eyes were focused on yours and it made you nervous. The air suddenly changed. It felt more thicker and warmer.

“Let’s go dance.” He offered his hand as he slid out of the booth. You smiled and took his hand. He guided you to the crowd on the dance floor and pushed you both near the center. There was a dark blue light that engulfed everyone. The beat took over you as you started dancing. You let your hips away to the rhythm. You felt Joost’s hands find their way to your waist, and he pulled you closer to him. 

You continue to dance against him, grinding on him. His hands started to explore your body as they found themselves on your hips, and then slowly went down to the hem of your short skirt. His fingers found their way under and he started to rub the soft skin. His head found its way closer to the crook of your neck. You feel his warm breath on your collarbone as he speaks.

“Ik heb je nodig (I need you)” He breathes into your neck and it sends shivers down your spine. With the light grip he has on you, he turns around so now you’re facing him. You wrap your arms around his neck pulling him closer to you. Your faces are inches away from each other. The air around you is hot and thick. You look into his eyes and see the same familiar look as before. Even under the lights, you can see his pupils blown with lust. 

You don’t know if it was the alcohol but you felt bold. So you pulled him into a kiss which he happily accepted. His hands moved from the hem of your skirt up to the curve of your ass where he squeezed lightly. The kiss became more intense as you both realized how hungry you were. Your hands found their way to his hair and you pulled gently at the white locks. He pulled away only to say something.

“We should take this somewhere else.” He suggested between pants. You nod quickly. He takes your hand and guides you off the dance floor. Your head was buzzing and you felt as though you were caught in a haze. He leads you back to the table and you see your brother and some of his friends there with a few girls. Joost let go of your hand only for a moment when telling your brother that you were both leaving early. He told him you weren’t feeling good. Surprisingly he wasn’t suspicious of anything and only told you both to drive safe. With that, you and Joost make your way to his car. You both get settled in before he looks over at you.

“My place or yours liefje (sweetheart)”

[misskattylashes]

Okay, I’m going to do it. I have been holding back and just telling my closest fandom friends my crazy theory, but what the hell. Most of you think I’m batshit anyway.

Here we go.....

What if we have been on the receiving end of a long played out psyop and Louise has been a way to make the public want Milex?

Okay, hear me out...

It’s 2017/8 Alex has abandoned Miles after EYCTE. He has gone to France to write and record TBHC, having realised their little TLSP bubble could never last (see Star Treatment). Without Alex, Miles is a little lost and lonely in LA. His reputation is also at rock bottom after the journalist incident. Miles decides he wants to move back to England, and Alex decides he wants to move back to, as we know they can never be more than a few minutes away from each other

Taylor either wouldn’t or couldn’t leave LA, so she and Alex break up. But they need a new girlfriend to keep up the straight image (especially with the new badly-received album and a world tour about to begin). On the original version of OPP as seen on the AM in Mexico video, over the turtle segment Alex sings ‘One More Year I’ll Call It Quits’ maybe the plan was to give it all up,but he had signed a contract to do another album and tour after TBHC, and with Miles’ reputation so bad, if they were together then they would both be cancelled.

So a European girlfriend is found and this is where the subterfuge begins. We start with old Instagram posts with tags like #alexturnerwillyoumarryme, then we get professionally shot videos of her backstage at AM’s concert (all the time Alex is ‘still with’ Taylor) so as soon as they launch, the first image of Louise the public get is a negative one, as a fangirl who has set out to get Alex, not caring if he cheats in his current girlfriend.

Before I list the reasons why I think she is fake, can I say this idea he has stayed with her as punishment for cheating on Taylor is absolutely ridiculous. Men who are serial cheats aren’t known for wearing hairshirts. Especially when you’re a handsome, wealthy rock star who could easily get another girlfriend.

So, the idea is, Louise is the most unpleasant person who makes Alex miserable, and if most people are honest, they want Alex to be happy..

So, let’s look at the evidence..(where there is a * it means there is a Miles counterside)

Louise doesn’t work. She claims to be a feminist, but her job seems to be being Alex’s girlfriend.

She openly copies selfies posed by previous girlfriends, making her look like she has no personality of her own

She boasts in her IG posts ie the ‘we just fucked’ pic and the panties on the piano.

She claims to be a musician but we rarely see her writing or recording anythjng.*

She writes embarrassing things about itAlex on social media (beautiful dick).*

Openly takes a neutral stance on Palestine.

Claims to wear vintage clothes but they rarely are*

When Alex was ill after the third London show, it is publicised that he leaves the Emirates with his parents, no sign of Louise. She’s too busy taking pics in the hotel with Matt and Amanda

Meanwhile Miles has worked hard on his public image. He has shown he is a hard worker. He rarely mentions Alex on social media and when asked about him in interviews, whilst admitting they are good friends, is insistent they are not working together. Which is good because he has always been accused of riding on Alex’s fame.

He frequently gives updates when he his writing and recording, treating us to little snippets, something Louise never does.

Is it a coincidence that holiday gate is the same as the week One Man Band’s release. Alex looking miserable with Louise Vs Miles being charming and hard working.

Not long after Louise starts going on about her fake vintage, Miles posts a whole real of him going proper vintage shopping so he looks authentic.

Even in Dublin there is no duet with Alex. Miles not using Alex’s,fame,but also those who monitor social media can see how hungry they are for Milex interaction.

The river Mersey comment – another way of guaging public opinion. Finally the legion of doom 😍😍 comment on the NY recent. The fandom went crazy at Milex acknowledgement.

Alex....

His face..Alex is a pro. He has had twenty years of faking smiles after arguments with the other Monkeys, girlfriends, even Miles. He could fake a smile with Louise if we wanted to when they call their friends at Backgrid to take pap pictures. But instead he chooses to look like someone either on the verge of tears or else being held hostage. And in the latest set of pics, Louise looks the same.

The Taylor tattoo....it looks like he thinks so little of her he has kept that tattoo.

‘I don’t wanna be hers, I wanna be yours’ quite often at gigs where Louise is in attendance.

Not one song on the car written about her.

And now of course with the tour over, a lot of people return to watching TLSP videos. Happy, muscly, healthy looking Alex having fun with Miles as opposed to skinny, miserable Alex trapped with Louise.

Apart from Louise’s most ardent fans, most people want to see him away from her and would be overjoyed at a TLSP reunion, and for us Milexers, a declaration of their love.

So, has this been a long game? A way of making the people think they want Milex? I told you it was crazy, but just remember the world of public relations is completely underhand and insane.

[putschki1969]

『Hikaru LIVE TOUR -ROUND-』 KYOTO

Tweet by Hikaru | Instagram story by Hikaru | Instagram post by Hikaru

▼2024 11/30 (Sat) Soul Power, Toyama 17:30 / 18:00 12/07 (Sat) Music Bar Perch, Aichi 17:30 / 18:00 12/14 (Sat) LIVE HOUSE enn 2nd, Miyagi 17:30 / 18:00 12/21 (Sat) MUSE, Kyoto 17:00 / 17:30

▼2025 02/11 (Tue) Club eX, Tokyo 17:00 / 18:00

Setlist Notes: The new song is called “With”. I originally thought it was “Wish”. My bad! Not sure about the order of some of those songs (maybe there’s something missing too??). I had to wait till I was on the train to write everything down but at that point, all the songs had gotten mixed up in my mind. It was made worse by the fact that I didn’t immediately recognise some of them and Hikaru didn’t always introduce them either☠️

That ticket holder clearfile looks so good!! Glad we got this as tokuten. A bit bummed though that there was no special design for the drink ticket😿For those who bought more than one copy of the “Mask” EP, there was a special present too, an alternative cover image. Super pretty 🤩 I mostly spent the rest of my day in Kyoto eating touristy stuff 😅And I headed to the Pokemon Center to get a few exclusive items for my nieces/nephews.

On a side note, those pink gummies were posted by Keiko earlier this week on her Yodel app. Of course I had to get them too (tho the packaging is a bit different, there’s a variety of designs. I got the same design as her today🤗)

1.With 2.Treasure??? 3.Koganeiro no Yakusoku 4.Flow 5.Survivor 6.Under the rain (acoustic ver.) 7.Lack 8.YES/NO 9.Disclose 10.Escape 11.End of line 12.Kiseki En 1.Breathe En 2.紡-TSUMUGU-

Some highlights: I was SUPER close to the stage, it was AMAZING!!🤩 You can even see me quite clearly on the photo that Hikaru posted 🤗So glad she allowed us to take off our masks for the photo. Wouldn’t have wanted to miss that opportunity.

As always, Hikaru had an incredible stage presence, she was confident and cool, oozing charisma during each and every performance. I feel like we made eye contact several times but maybe that’s just wishful thinking 🙃Her singing was powerful and even though I didn’t always recognise the song (shame on me), I had a good time. “Under the rain” was hands down my favourite 💕So beautiful. I almost cried. She sounded better than she ever did before. The acoustic arrangement is very flattering. The upbeat songs were a ton of fun (despite sitting right in front of the speakers☠️). Hikaru literally rocked the stage🔥I almost feel bad for not being more active but I guess I’m just not the type to move a lot. (Clapping is the most I’ll usually do😅)

Sorry for adding lots of stuff on the go. I forgot to mention that Hikaru teased some upcoming solo activities for 2025. She says there are already more or less concrete plans but she will wait to make an announcement until everything is finalised. Of course she also briefly discussed the Kalafina Anniversary concert and asked who of us was planning to go. Obviously, almost everyone said that they would come, Hikaru seemed very happy about that and ensured us that they would put all of their love and strength into delivering the best possible music to us so we should all look forward to it.

EP Mask Tracklist Notes: For some reason I thought there would be more new songs🫣But it’s just “With”. The other tracks have been released digitally already.

1.with 2.End of line 3.Lack 4.Koganeiro no Yakusoku 5.Breathe 6.Kiseki

13th Single 「End of line」 MV (Short ver.) ④

And here’s another music video clip of the MV for Hikaru’s latest single release. You can watch it on Instagram! Also be sure to check out her YouTube Short. The song is featured on her EP “Mask” which is set to be on sale at her solo tour venues.

[solitude4chiron]

White Ferrari

Miles 42 x black fem reader

Warnings/about: Angst/fluff, Drunk characters, slightly drunk driving, you get attacked by one of Miles’s rivals he feels guilty, frank ocean & skateboarding, caring miles

Slight trigger warning: You get followed and attacked by a rival of your boyfriends, you own a gun and pull it out

& yes this is pt.2 to fashion killa 🫶🏾 thank y’all for the support on my first piece of writing 🥹🥹

Miles took your advice from your last heartfelt conversation, leading his uncle Aaron to take more of the prowler role while he rebuilt your relationship, but after a few weeks off he sadly had to stay out again

During the weeks he had off you felt closer to your villain boyfriend than you ever had before. Him opening up his eyes to your world and you feeling every emotion he expressed he was raised in as a child.

You both went to concerts seeing ASAP Rocky (both of y’all’s fav) JID,  Brent faiyaz (Miles’s favorite he sends you lyrics all the time) and kendrick Lamar. You standing in the pit made miles tense up so he would always end up being right behind you, arms wrapped around your waist while dancing to whatever artist was playing, the tight space pressing your butt onto him which made him go feral, but not purposely of course 🙄 so he always ended up whispering in your ear 

“Espera a que lleguemos a casa, you want to tease huh?” (Wait till we get home)

After his disappearance, and reappearance you communicated your feelings to him a lot, as he understood that his weight was slightly your weight too, and it stressed you out. Even though his identity was safe and your relationship with him wasn’t too public, you felt someone had a hit out on your head.

“8:35 pm not too late…” and while miles was gone you dragged on your baggy evisu jeans while also pulling on a tight cropped shirt, finishing it off with a hoodie zipping it just far up enough so you could still let others see your bellybutton was pierced. Then you left, skating down the street with bktherula blasting in your left ear (miles always told you to keep one ear open when he wasn’t with you)

After a minute you stopped at a gas station for a drink and while walking to the back for your soda, you spotted a man dressed in all black. Shiesty mask pulled down, his dark eyes glared at you screaming disrespectful things

“Why the fuck do I live in nyc..” you muttered

At that moment you snatched the money out your pocket and slammed it on the counter whilst walking out, hoping the fast payment would put some space between you two. You also text miles. A lot..

“Hey miles baby, you free?” 8:49

“Some dude keeps following me miles” 8:49

“Miles please look at my location, I’ll try to stay in the area please come get me” 8:50

“Baby please answer me” 8:50

“Babe” 8:50

“Babe” 8:53

“Miles” 8:53

Miles POV:

“Aye pass that shi bru we celebrating tonight” I said through intoxicated lips while taking another swig of the hennessy bottle, and for a minute my worries went away, and that minute was actually 30 minutes

“Aye y’all imma head home ! My wife waiting on me” I said with a smug look on my face snatching the keys to my motorcycle off the counter, but my unc ain’t goin for that shi

“Gimme the keys miles, airdrop me your address” 

“Alright then dad..” I said sarcastically, but slightly pondered on that sentence because my dad, yeah 

While opening my phone to airdrop the address my heart sank to my crotch

Future wife: 7 new messages

Future wife: 16 missed calls 

Future wife: 1 voicemail 

And immediately I became sober. Hopping on my motorcycle and riding through the oddly warm night climate, leaving my worried uncle behind while tracking y/n’s location 

“Sabes que lo siento, I keep fucking letting you down.” (You know I’m sorry baby)

Y/n’s pov:

Although you tried not to acknowledge the man but something about him was familiar? You’re sure you’ve never seen him before but maybe you’ve heard of him

“Come here ma, won’t be long trust”

“Come on you know you want to turn around and look at me” 

And in that moment you knew who he was, Sidat. (Sigh - dot) Miles’s little “enemy”. Miles told you about him, but the way he was described to you. Made you feel like he wasn’t a threat. Now you realize he wasn’t a threat to miles, but definitely is a threat to you

“Move nigga, I got a man” you snapped

“I know that already love, fuc him” 

And something in you jerked to pull out the gun you tucked in your pants earlier. The gun that had MM (Miles morales) engraved in it, the gun you never realized could swiftly take someone off the earth, the gun that had purple wrapped around it. Personalized for your boyfriends touch 

“I said move nigga, damn.” You said, turning around swiftly while pulling the gun out your waist

And you tilted your head, peering down the top of the gun hoping this would be enough to scare sidat away 

“You ain’t pullin that shi girl” he said whilst jumping on you pinning you to the floor, you kept the barrel of the gun to his chest but he knew you wouldn’t pull it. You knew you wouldn’t too 

He lifted your chin off your chest with his own weapon 

“You so fine, miles don’t deserve yo pretty ass”

And in that moment you heard a motorcycle almost a minute away

So he left, and in the snap of a finger sidat was gone

And you shivered on the floor preparing your words for when miles found you. Tears ruining your pretty mascara 

“Lo siento, cariño, lo siento, salí y me emborraché y pensé que si bebía no tendría que pensar en nada y..” (I’m sorry baby, I’m sorry I went out and got drunk and I thought if I drank I wouldn’t have to think about anything and I..)

“Come on hermosa, I’m so sorry” you saw a tear forming a the bottom of his eyes and you knew if he wasn’t slightly drunk he probably wouldn’t be crying right now 

He picked you up and sat you on his motorcycle. Going straight home

Timeskip: At home

“And yeah, that’s what happened. He vanished as soon as you pulled up.” You said through tears and hiccups 

Miles tried his hardest to comfort you. He took your clothes off slowly trying not to trigger anything inside of you and wrapped you in the satin robe he got you for valentines. He took you into the bathroom and ran you a bath while rubbing a soapy rag along your body. His eyebrows indicating his regret. He made you hot camomile tea just like how his mom taught him, and he slid your bonnet on your braids freshly oiled for bed while he played your favorite, frank ocean

“It’s my fault” you heard him sigh

“No baby it wasn’t your fault, It wasn’t any of ours I’m not too shaken anyways I promise”

“But I should have been checking your texts, just like you always tell me too…” and he buried his head into your breasts trying to hold back drunk tears, and sooner or later you were being showered with kisses. His breath smelled like liquor but you didn’t care. He made sure that night while you both slept he was directly behind you. Never letting go of your hip 

“Care for you still and I will, forever” miles sleepily sang the lyrics of white Ferrari, and you’d wonder if he knew what he sang, or the impact it made in your head. It almost felt like he could only love you this deeply when he was drunk. Maybe he just felt this way the whole time

And through every kiss he apologized, because sober or not it pained him so much someone besides him had hurt you, purposely. The music filled your room and leaked out your shared window freezing time, and all you could do was stare at the boy you loved in awe

Because you never thought he could love someone so deeply 

[spookwyrdie]

👋🏻 heyyy so I was watching some of Skz old content and I kinda noticed how shy Seungmin gets when he's made to do something like dance alone in front of everyone or do aegyo or something. And I'm a huge fan of sub Minnie🤤 so I was wondering if you'd be open to write a fic where he's made to wear a remote controlled vibrator on his cock (and maybe one in his ass too😉) out in public or to dance practice or something that means it'd be a while before he gets to go back home and reader just playing with him and teasing him throughout the whole thing and maybe asking one of the members to record his reactions and send it to you. And like what if Minnie knew that the others were aware of his ✨ predicament ✨ and he's even more embarrassed, trying to keep quiet and act unaffected but you and him both know hes wayy to sensitive for that. 🤭🤭 Just love how red his face and ears get when he's shy or flustered. You're my fav smut author here and I ADORE🥰 your sub skz fics soo much and I'd really love to read this idea in your writing but it's okay if you don't want to. Have a good day/afternoon/night❤️😘

Anon! When I say I thought about this all day, I mean I thought about this ALL DAY.

Here it is!

Only Wanna Be With You~

sub!Seungmin x domme!reader

warnings: smut, sexual content, exhibitionism, public play, vibrators, edging

summary: You and Seungmin hang out at a karaoke bar to unwind, but you have a plan for him. Can he keep his cool in public?

word: 1.5k

a/n: I laughed very hard when Seungmin did this cover at one of their concerts, so I obviously had to add it. I also was thinking about a vibe like this one, in case anyone was curious. <3

You look up from your position on your knees, Seungmin’s cock in your hand as you adjust the cock ring to fit snugly against his groin, “I’m going to ask for the thousandth time, are you sure about this, Minnie?” 

“Y/n, I might be a little nervous but like... I think this’ll be fun.” A blush dusts his cheeks, thinking about handing over such an intimate type of control in public. He’s wearing a silicone cock ring with a vibrator that sits up against his perineum. Just knowing that it's there plus the constant light pressure is enough to twitch against the silicone.  

“Okay, you remember what we talked about, if you want to stop?” 

“Yeah, I snap my fingers at least 3 times,” he says. 

“Good,” you stand, taking his balls in one hand and pressing the motionless vibrator up towards his perineum. He grunts in surprise, the gentle squeeze is enough to have his hips bucking towards you, his hands grab your shoulders to steady his weight. 

You two have been getting together for a few weeks now, learning what the other likes, talking about boundaries, and what sorts of kink you’re both interested in trying. This is one of the first nights where you’re testing the waters, seeing how a little secret exhibitionism feels for him.  

The two of you arrive at the dive bar where you meet the rest of the guys. Celebrating the end of the semester, you all decided a shitty little dive bar on a karaoke night would be a great way to let off some steam. When you walk in, Hyunjin waves you over.  

“We got one of the best booths in the whole place!” he shouts over someone butchering a Lady Gaga song. You slide in next to Hyunjin, Seungmin pressed up against your side. The tablet at the table with a drink list and the karaoke sign-up sheet is shoved in front of your face.  

“Pick one! Everyone is required to do at least one song!” Han shouts over the table. “I’ll buy you a drink if you do something sexy!” 

“You’ll have to buy me a drink BEFORE I do a sexy song!” you laugh.  

You peruse the drink list, grab a couple of beers for you and Seungmin, and mull over the list of songs. Seungmin tries to look over your shoulder while you choose, but you cover the screen with your hand. You give him a playful smile and pass the tablet to him, running your hand up his thigh as he chooses his song.  

Han’s name flashes up on the screen, “Oh shit, MY TURN!” He bounds up to the little stage, pulls the microphone out of the stand, and “Pony” by Ginuwine starts playing. Han is living it up, hip thrusting and doing body rolls, while the table laughs. You sneak your phone out of your pocket and open the app for the remote control. 

Seungmin’s whole body lurches forward as if being electrocuted, his moan covered by the bass from the song. The vibrations shudder through him so hard, the shock from not giving him a warning makes his cock twitch in time with his heartbeat. He grabs your free hand and clamps it in his, rutting his hips into the worn pleather seat below him. Each roll of his hips presses the vibrator further into the sensitive area behind his balls. His head rolls onto your shoulder, whining into your neck. 

“I’ve barely turned the thing on, baby, and you’re already such a mess,” you chuckle in his ear. Pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek as he squirms in his seat. You look across the table, catching Changbin’s eyes as he appraises your situation. He gives you a knowing smirk. 

“Seungmin!” he calls out. Seungmin’s head snaps up, a panicked look in his eyes. “What song did you pick?” 

“I- I picked...” he slams his eyes shut as you amp up the vibrations. The way his face contorts, biting his lip to keep his moans from spilling out, has you salivating.  

You turn your head towards Changbin, meeting his smirk with one of your own, “You’ll just have to wait until it’s his turn to find out.” 

After a few minutes toying with Seungmin, you turn off the vibrator. Your name flashes up on the screen, and you shoo him out of the way to go up for your song. Seungmin’s legs are like jelly, so it takes him a moment to get his bearings.  

You go up to the little stage and your song starts playing. As the intro plays, you notice the boys leering at Seungmin, poking fun at the very obvious hard time he’s having. He looks up at you as you start singing, and you hold his gaze. 

Going with tonight’s theme, you chose a sexy song - “I Touch Myself” by the Divinyls. It’s true, you don’t want anyone else, you sing directly at Seungmin. He’s blushing for a different reason, his jaw on the floor as you confidently sway your hips and run your hands down your body while you sing a song about masturbation directly to your boy and his new little toy.  

During the guitar solo, you fish your phone out of your pocket again and turn on the vibrator again. This time, you take your thumb and match the beat of your song with as you play with the intensity of the vibrations. Seungmin looks like he’s trying to catch his breath, leaning back into the cushion of the booth again, his hands balled into fists on the table. The rest of the boys are chuckling at him, Felix going so far as to whip out his phone and snap a few photos of Seungmin’s agony. 

Your song ends and you turn off the vibrator again, shooting Seungmin a devilish smile. The entire table cheers louder than the rest of the bar. You mosey back over to your table, and you get an eyeful of exactly how red Seungmin has gotten. His ears are so bright, and his cheeks look like they’ve been slapped. You run your fingers through his hair and bend down to whisper in his ear, “Your turn, baby.” 

He looks up at you in confusion, his eyes practically glazed over. You peck him on the lips then point to the stage where the screen is flashing his name. You grab his arm and pull him out of his seat. He wobbles a bit as you push him towards the stage. He grabs the mic stand to steady himself as his song starts. 

“Hootie and the Blowfish?” The whole table giggles at his 90’s soft rock choice. Seungmin glares at the table as he catches your eye. He sings directly to you, adding a little snark to the lyrics. You look back at him, tongue running over your teeth as you hold up your phone again. His eyes go wide. 

“There’s nothin’ I can do, I only wanna be with yo- Uuuungh" he groans out as you turn the vibe up to the highest setting all at once. Somehow, he still finds his singing voice enough to continue the song. Sometimes his voice shakes a little when you bounce the intensity up and down on his vibe, an outline of his cock visible in his dark pants. His cheeks and ears are blazing red, his eyes flutter with arousal and concentration. You can tell he’s holding back, focusing on keeping his hips still. You still notice him convulse every few seconds, his pelvis jerking forward at the change in the vibrator’s speed.  

During the last part of the chorus, you turn the vibe all the way back up and Seungmin literally falls to his knees, masking his moan as the final note to sing. The bar cheers, especially your table, stomping their feet at his performance. He places the mic back on the stand and walks back to the table trembling.  

You're beaming with pride as you watch him return to the booth, unsteady on his feet. He stops right in front of you, grabs your arms and pulls you up, wrapping you in his embrace. He pulls you tight to his body, crashing his lips to yours, engulfing you in a kiss. You barely hear the other boys cooing at you, making kissy noises in your direction. 

“Home. Now. I need you,” he pants out, pressing his cock into your thigh.  

“Aw, Minnie, you’re so worked up,” you say as you lean your forehead against his. Your phone is still in your hand. You take your thumb, moving the intensity of the vibe back up. Seungmin buries his face in your neck, muffling the guttural cry that rips out of his throat as his hips thrust into your thigh. 

“GET A ROOM!” everyone at the table shouts.  

You grip onto the back of Seungmin’s hair, pulling his face gently away from your neck. Tears welling up in his lashes. He just looks so pathetic, eyes pleading for release. 

“Alright, let’s get you home,” you say as you smile sweetly and turn off the vibe. He sags in your arms. You lift his head once again, kissing him so gently. 

“That doesn’t mean I’m finished with you yet.” 

[4ng3l-ch1ld]

have 3 stray kid blabbers that will never come to fruition bc i can’t write

so i’ll type out the ideas here and maybe one day someone will pick these up, if not i can always imagine

1. Felix based (Idol!Felix x Civilian!Y/n

so basically the idea was like angsty in a way, kinda w no happy ending (im weird guys ik) but basically a bit before the timeline, you and felix had dated and while him and the strays have all this upbeat music, you liked laufey, TVGIRL (important), beabadoobee n all them sweeties, and you had showed felix TVGIRL and specifically “For you”. however, yall had a NASTYYYYY breakup, very messy (no cheating or anything- just rumors and the stress of being an idol and differences in judgement and allat) and that was that. you occasionally would watch the strays performances n all but never showed up. through, a couple weeks after you broke up, you were doing your usual sneaky watching of a live and felix had made an announcement (this would never slide with the rules but we like to pretend here) “smth smth smth along the lines of this goes out to a major bitch” and all, and the band covers For you with felix having the most lines. and one by one the band would either teasingly punch his arm are do classic guy crap, (think ruffling hair, slinging their arm around his shoulder, nudging him) the entire song. and the very last “for you” of the refrain, his screams fuck you instead of the lyric. idk what to do from here but synopsis is felix is a dick and the strays are guys in this, assholish dickish guys

2. Han based (Idol!Han x background dancer!y/n

(i know skz don’t usually have bg dancers but once again we FICTIONAL w my thoughts

to preface this, this isn’t suppose to romanticize han’s health during the era this takes place, and it’s not finding panic attacks or detoxifying mental stability hot at ALL. i’m simply a dance who has gone through his exact situation when competing multiple times, and i related to how he felt and was thinking of a comfort fic.

so during Han’s performance of S-Class, it is common knowledge that he had a panic attack, and the fic would revolve around that performance

basically, you noticed all the signs of his upcoming attack while dancing behind him, and anytime he would walk around the back you would find ways to whisper praise and encouragement to him, telling him it would be okay and reminding him of some dancing breathing technics (in every odd count, out every even count/breathe in for every other moment, breathe out for every other movement/pace yourself etc)

and as he ended the performance and waited for the applause to settle, you and him made eye contact as his breathing was becoming rapid. you walked over to him after that performance, helping him through the panic attack and just comforting him basically (luh calm post)

3. Any member based (I personally go crazy about Felix Han and Hyunjin, but it works w any of them i find)

Basically, the Skz finished a concert, going to a party after their intense performance, whether it be at a club or just them walking into a party is up to writers if they take this. but the songs are very much PARTY party like imo (think this playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0wE7ygx7ogM83pESi19t6i?si=R7_v36LPSiaK05MJLIECFw&pi=u-vc8yScF8Qn2N) and one the idols sees you dancing very erotically on the dance floor, feeling the lyrics (and a bit of yourself)etc, and it leads to one of them departing from the group, dancing with you, leads to public smut in the corner, feel free to make it horny (i’m OVULATING)

like yes i could find a skz writer and js ask but these are theee and yeah basically

[violetsandfluff]

Welcome to the Concept Café!

If you’re a writer or reader looking for inspiration, look no further.

Rules: Order a fic from the writer who reblogged this. Include who you want the fic to be written about and any of the following elements.

Dishes ~ Style

🥣 Bowl • Fluff

🍽️ Plate • Angst

🥡 Takeout • Smut (I’m not writing smut anymore but other writers might!)

Meals ~ Relationship Status

🥗 Salad • Married

🥪 Sandwich • Engaged

🌭 Hotdog • Dating

🍕Pizza • Just friends

🫕 Soup • Strangers

Drinks ~ Settings & Scenarios

🫙 Water • Boring afternoons together

🥛 Milk • Meeting their parents

☕️ Coffee • Morning kisses

🍵 Tea • Sick day

🧋Boba tea • Concert/music festival

🧃 Juice box • Coming out

🥤 Pop • Long-distance

🍸 Martini • Road trip/vacation

🥂 Champagne • Date night/anniversary

Snacks ~ Song Lyric Prompts

🍓 Strawberries • “Look at the stars // look how they shine for you // and everything you do” (Yellow, Coldplay)

🍌 Banana • “And I know that we can be so amazing // And baby your love is gonna change me // And now I can se every possibility” (Just Haven’t Met You Yet, Michael Buble)

🍇 Grapes • (All I got is one shot, one try // one go around in this beautiful life…) (Keep Me In The Moment, Jeremy Camp)

🍅 Tomatoes • “Cuz if I want you, and I want you, babe // Ain’t going backwards, won’t ask for space…” (Close, Nick Jonas)

🍊 Orange • “In the dark we’re barely holding on // then you rest your head upon my chest // and you feel like there ain’t nothing left…” (Flicker, Niall Horan)

🥕 Carrots • “If we ever broke up I’d call your dad // tell him all the shittiest of things you said…” (If We Ever Broke Up, Mae Stephens)

🫐 Blueberries • “Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life // say yes, say yes…” (Rude, Magic!)

🍉 Watermelon • “You don’t have to say you love me // you don’t have to say nothing…” (Adore You, Harry Styles)

🍐 Pear • “That seatbelt’s on your chest, hearing your heart, holding you down…” (Coffee, Tori Kelly)

🫑 Bell pepper • “

🫛 Pea pods • “Is it too late now to tell you that everything means nothing if I can’t have you…” (If I Can’t Have You, Shawn Mendes)

🫘 Beans • “If this is what it's like falling in love // then I don't ever wanna grow up…” (Kid in Love, Shawn Mendes)

🥜 Peanuts • “I’ll buy you anything // I’ll buy you any ring…” (Baby, Justin Bieber)

🍚 Rice • “But I knew you // trying to change the ending…” (Cardigan,Taylor Swift)

🧀 Cheese • “Here’s my number // so call me maybe…” (Call Me Maybe, Carly Rae Jepsen)

🍟 Fries • “Stop the clocks, it’s amazing // you should see the way the light dances off your head…” (Afterglow, Ed Sheeran)

🍳 Egg • “I know times are getting hard // but just believe me, girl // someday I’ll pay the bills with this guitar // we’ll have it good…” (Hey There Delilah // The Plain White T’s)

🥓 Bacon • Oh, I could have that voice playing on repeat for a week // and in this packed out room swear she was singing to me…” (Galway Girl, Ed Sheeran)

🍤 Shrimp • “There’s things I wanna say to you // but I’ll just let you live…” (Cinnamon Girl, Lana Del Rey)

🍣 Sushi • “I don’t want you to get lost // I don’t want you to go broke…” (Music For A Sushi Restaurant, Harry Styles)

🍥 Narutomaki • “Take me into your loving arms // kiss me under the light of a thousand stars…” (Thinking Out Loud, Ed Sheeran)

🥐 Croissant • “Touch my neck and I’ll touch yours // You in those little high-waisted shorts…” (Sweater Weather, The Neighborhood)

🥨 Pretzel • “When I first saw you from across the room // I could tell that you were curious…” (Perfect, One Direction)

🥯 Bagel • “Call me, baby, if you need a friend // I just wanna give you love…” (One Call Away, Charlie Puth)

🍬 Candy • “And when you smile // the whole world stops and stares for a while…” (Just The Way You Are, Bruno Mars)

🍭 Lollipop • “I met you in the dark // you lit me up…” (Say You Won’t Let Go, James Arthur)

🍫 Chocolate • “Strawberry ice cream // one spoon for two…” (Deja Vu, Olivia Rodrigo)

Sweets ~ Extra elements

🍰 Cake • Playful flirting

🍩 Donut • Kissing envelopes/love letters

🥧 Pie • Baking together

🍮 Custard • Sharing clothes

🥠 Fortune cookie • Sharing earbuds

🍪 Cookie • Sharing the last cookie

🥮 Mooncake • Holding hands in public

🍡Thing • Playing with each other’s hair

🍦Ice cream cone • Singing to lover

🍨 Ice cream dish • Feeling clingy

[luckyricochet]

Read on AO3

I was a little delayed in posting this what with the Fourth of July and flying back home, but Raw, Real, Red is finally here! Hope you all enjoy it 🥰

Eilidh Hamilton to Victoria and James Hamilton

15 December 1940

Dear Mum and Dad,

We had a good day today. Granny seemed in good spirits, so we went to a fundraising concert at the Byre for the Bute and St Mary’s. When we arrived, the students were playing a lovely rendition of some piece by Purcell—I forget which one now, since I lost the programme on the walk back home. But then they put on a nice production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Granny liked it too, I was surprised that she kept talking about it after the performance. She’s gone to bed now, but since she was feeling so chipper, tomorrow I’ll ask her about it again over breakfast. I’ll see if she wants to walk to the beach as well. It’ll be windy but if she can stand it until the sunset, it should be beautiful. I so often think how lucky we are to have such gorgeous sunsets, even though there is so much else happening.

There are quite a few children in town now. Most of them seem to be from Edinburgh and Glasgow. I see them when I go into town; they’re amusing little creatures. I saw one boy playing in the ruins so I told him a little about the cathedral and talked to him for a while. I thought he wasn’t listening to me because he kept asking me to repeat things but then he just said he was trying to figure out where my accent was from. I guess even in war some things don’t change.

I’ll write Will separately, but give him my best. Do I tire you out if I ask again that you send him up here? I really don’t care if you have to haul him by the ear onto the train, but I really think it would be better. I’ll even put up with having to do his laundry at Granny’s if I have to.

If I don’t have time to write again before Christmas, Happy Christmas to everyone. We will have a quiet night, of course, but I managed to save enough ingredients to make biscuits, so that will be our indulgence for the holiday. Granny and I are planning to be at the service at Sallie’s on Christmas Eve. If it’s anything like the one last year, I’m sure it will be very enjoyable. You know how dear the Reverend is.

All my love,

Your daughter,

Eilidh x

Eilidh Hamilton to William Hamilton

15 December 1940

Dear Will,

Well, brother of mine, have you decided to join me in the north yet? I know you are tired of me badgering you, but I won’t stop until you’re here. Anyway, write me when you have your tickets. We’ll be at the train station ready to pick you up.

It's been very cold recently, so we're wearing quite a lot of layers every day, then we can save on fuel too. I found some of your winter clothes in your room when I was tidying the other day. I'm surprised all of it is still in good condition. Do you want me to send you any of it? They seem like they might be too small for you now, though, how much have you grown since you were last here? Seems like a waste that it's just sitting in a trunk, or maybe you'd like to donate some of them. I told Mum and Dad, there are a lot of children who evacuated here so I'm sure the church ladies I see every week would be able to arrange something if you are not opposed to it. 

I don’t know if you were told, but I mailed Christmas presents at the end of November. I expect they have arrived. They’re in red wrapping paper, yours have the green ribbon. Don’t you dare bin that ribbon either, after Christmas. The spool cost a lot more than I would have liked—practically highway robbery, and this was before the war too. So I expect you to pack it in your luggage when you come.

Granny and I shall be thinking of you all Christmas morning and make a grand time of it. I hope you have a good holiday with Mum and Dad as well. We miss you dreadfully.

Eilidh

William Hamilton to Eilidh Hamilton

1 January 1941

Sis,

You really should stop wasting all your paper and ink on begging me to do something I will not. When it’s safe and the Luftwaffe quit trying to blast us off the face of the earth, you’ll have to come to the factory and see for yourself all the good work we’re doing. I’m with a bunch of nice lads. You might even like them. Who knows, maybe one of them will end up fancying you back and you’ll get to go on a date for once. It is the new year, after all. Time to try new things, like seeing someone. Or leaving your brother’s choices alone.

I expect Mum and Dad will fill you in on the details of the latest raid, so I won’t add any lines on that front, other than to say that I am more determined than ever to do my part.

In regards to my old clothes, you are welcome to give away the shoes, mittens, trousers, hats, etc. to charity so some other worthy young boy in town can use them. Mum has requested that you hold on to the jumpers and shirts and such, though, as she is very fond of them. Those can just stay with Gran for now, no need to ship them. 

We did the best we could to have a nice holiday at home, despite everything. No crackers again like last time, but we cut some crowns out of the papers and wore those instead and saved spots for you and Gran at the table. Were you able to listen to the King’s address? I thought the radio was going to spontaneously combust when we were last at Gran’s and I tried to plug it in, so I do hope you’ve managed to fix it. Personally, I liked the speech, but not as much as Mum. She probably won’t mention this (so don’t tell I her I let it slip) but she bawled like a baby.

Must conclude now, I have an early shift tomorrow and the beds in the shelter are not the best so my back has been killing me. I feel like I’m as old as you are. Love to you and Gran, regards to all our friends.

Will x

Victoria and James Hamilton to Eilidh Hamilton

[In Victoria Hamilton’s hand]: 2 January 1941

Happy New Year to our most beloved daughter!

We dearly hope that it was better than ours, as we are still licking our wounds from the attack that rang in the new year. The fires have been more intense than usual, especially because the fire brigade has had trouble with pumping enough water and with enough pressure and so on. Some of the fires spread to St Paul’s; you’ve probably seen the picture already. It’s quite extraordinary. Churchill is adamant that it will be saved. We are working around the clock at the hospital, the same as usual, so we’re all quite exhausted. However, knowing that you are a little more safe is a relief.

We hope you had a most happy Christmas with Granny. Apologies we did not have time to write before the holiday, but your presents arrived safe and sound. I’m not sure which book I will start with first, but I like the sound of the Fitzgerald one. [In James Hamilton’s hand]: Grandpa’s old pen was gorgeous as well.

[In Victoria Hamilton’s hand]: By the way, what did you tell Will? He was scrambling after all of the paper and ribbon after we had opened everything and stowed it away in his drawer like a squirrel hoarding for the winter. Please try to keep in mind he is disorganised enough as it is; we don’t need him acquiring anything more that he can’t keep track of.

Your loving parents,

Mum and [In James Hamilton’s hand]: Dad

Victoria Hamilton to Eilidh Hamilton

14 January 1941

Eilidh,

Excuse the sloppiness of this letter, as well as the tardiness. You probably heard about the raid from a few nights ago. It was another exceptionally heavy attack this time, so there hasn’t been been much time to sit for even a couple seconds to let you know that we are all right. You must have been so worried. I’m so sorry we couldn’t write sooner.

We are still lucky. The hospital remains standing, and your father and I are working away. Will’s factory is also still on its feet, and he was back in the shop as soon as he was sure it was all over. He’s been sleeping there since, so we haven’t seen in him in a few days but he should be back for the weekend to help with some cleanup around the city.

Shall write again when things have settled a bit more. Remember that we are well. Please make sure anyone in St A who is worried receives the news as well.

Mum xx

Eilidh Hamilton to Victoria and James Hamilton

25 January 1941

Dear Mum and Dad,

I can’t tell you how relieved I was to receive your last from the fourteenth of this month. Granny and I have listening to an awful lot of radio these past few weeks. Knowing you are all right will make our Burns supper taste even better. In celebration, I shall be extra dramatic when addressing the haggis. I don’t know if you will have the means to mark the occasion, but I hope that you have a nice night anyway, as nice as it can be given the circumstances. I’m sure Rabbie would understand.

I wish you could have been here today. All afternoon there were great big clouds gathering, dark gray ones, and there was practically no colour in the sky when the sun went down so I knew there would be a terrific storm blowing in soon. It’s raining very heavily at the moment—I can hear it going on the roof—and the wind is coming off of the sea something terrible. I shall savour the cosiness, however.

Letter for Will is attached, would appreciate you passing it along to him.

Love,

Eilidh x

Eilidh Hamilton to William Hamilton

25 January 1941

Dear Will,

Mum wrote me about the latest air raid. I’m glad you’re safe. I know what you’re thinking, that I’m going to go on with my normal spiel, but I’ll spare you for once. Just wanted to say that I’m proud to hear that you were back at your job so soon after it happened. And before you get any ideas in your head, this isn’t me admitting defeat! I still think you’re cracked, let’s be clear on that. But I guess if you’re going to be cracked, you’ve chosen a good reason to be so.

Love from your old sis,

E

William Hamilton to Eilidh Hamilton

10 February 1941

Eilidh,

Well I’ll be, sis. Thank you for your most gracious line from last month. You write very prettily, I will admit, sis, but don’t fool yourself! I’ll consider this a win, whatever you say. But rest assured, I shall keep this between us. Mum and Dad need not know of what you’ve confessed. I do look forward, however, to the next time I see you so you can express such lovely sentiments to me in person. I’m sure you’d agree any refusal to do so would be discourteous and unbecoming indeed.

Will

James Hamilton to Eilidh Hamilton

28 March 1941

Dearest Eilidh,

Mum is just back from her shift at the hospital and was practically sleepwalking when she came in, so you’ll have to put up with my lousy handwriting for this letter. I shall have to leave soon myself, but I’ll try to make sure to not miss anything in this letter. Have you received the one we wrote a week ago? There wasn’t much in it. We might have not sent it at all since it was before your last arrived, but we wanted to make sure to update you.

We’ve had a rough few days here. I don’t think there’s much point in describing it to you since you would have seen the reports and pictures in the newspapers. The important thing is that we’re all okay. Spirits can be low sometimes but we are holding it together. Will is doing a marvelous job, we wish you could see him. We know your feelings haven’t changed but he’s happy being here.

Mum and I are concerned with how you are holding up. You must tell Mum or me if you are struggling. I know you are taking part in all of the volunteer efforts in town as well, so don’t be afraid to speak with the others who are helping.

Love,

Dad

Eilidh Hamilton to William Hamilton

31 March 1941

Dear Will,

Happy birthday! It’s a bit frightening thinking of you as sixteen years old, but I suppose we all grow up. You are so close to being old. As much as I hate to admit it (older sisterly grudges and all), you’ve certainly done a lot of growing up recently. Maybe too much, if I’m honest. When this is all over, I hope you have some time to just be a lad again because you’ve earned it.

I sent your present two weeks ago. You don’t have to keep the ribbon this time.

E x

William Hamilton to Eilidh Hamilton

12 April 1941

Eilidh,

Sorry for the late response after you wrote for my birthday—your words are much appreciated. Thanks also for the scarf. It must have been Dad who told you I lost my other one right? I don’t think I ever told Mum about that. (So don’t you ever tell her either, is what I mean, sis.) Anyway, I’m already making good use of it, so thank you.

I have to end now since the postman is coming soon, but I’ll be more extensive in my next—too much to write at this moment. Love to Gran and all.

Will x

18 April 1941

POST OFFICE

TELEGRAM

Time handed in: 12.12

Office of Origin and Instructions: LONDON TELEX OHMS

Words: 23

HEAVY BOMBING LAST NIGHT STOP TERRIBLE NEWS STOP WILL’S FACTORY HIT STOP WE FEAR THE WORST STOP MORE WORD TO COME SOON STOP

For free repetition of doubtful words telephone “TELEGRAMS ENQUIRY” or call, with this form at office of delivery. Other enquires should be accompanied by this form, and, if possible, the envelope.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Jimin is…

Jimin is one of the most admirable artists I’ve ever had the privilege to witness live. I’m in the back of a T cab (Kakao), writing this on my way to the airport to head back home. I’ve been offline because a friend informed me of an opportunity to attend Jimin’s pre-recording of his Music Bank show yesterday, I made the split second decision to go. I couldn’t attend Joon’s small concert in December, but I’m grateful I could see Jimin yesterday. He looked so happy. So satisfied. His perfectionist self was present in full force and he asked for the whole routine to be redone three or four times each time lol. Yoongi came on stage at some point and maybe it was the caffeine high but I had to steel myself. The whole thing still feels surreal. I saw them mere hours ago.

I see your asks and messages but I don’t know when I’ll get to them. I don’t think there’s much to say. I like the album, it’s a decent debut showing. I suspect a lot of people will appreciate some songs more once they see the choreography. Personally, I feel the need to sort through my thoughts a bit about the messages conveyed in FACE, partly because Jimin’s expressions recently contrast a lot with what I’m hearing in his album. I don’t know if I’m making sense, but I’m basically saying to not expect anything immediate. There’s also the pesky detail of getting in some sleep because my body clock is totally fucked up right now. And I somehow have to be in NYC on Monday operating at 100%.

You can expect to see me back here towards the end of next week. I hope FACE met or exceeded your expectations. 💜

[addictivepsychology]

Day 100

Wow

It’s been a long time coming,

So much healing

Along time

Friend time

New people time

And connections

So many different connections,

And somehow I have to pick the one I want for the rest of my life

They say it’s easy, and you’ll know, but I’m not sure how much of that is true ,

But I guess I felt pretty good with the last one,

But I’ll go on more dates and see how I feel,

I said something weird earlier,

I need to get out of the house and I’m meeting up with Jessica at Starbucks to read and write while she does homework,

I need to get out of the house,

But I just got home,

I just got home from being gone for a week,

Why do I always want to leave the house,

Maybe it’s because I was hungover,

Maybe because I slept in until 10 some I wasn’t home until 2,

Maybe do I could get going with my day,

Maybe leftover trauma,

Thank you so much Jessica,

I really love you , you’re a best friend and I couldn’t be happier that I met you

You went to the concert with me last night, and I’m so glad you did, then we went to the bar and I taught you how to play pool,

We played doubles with this weird, gross guy and this kind of normal guy who asked for my number so we can shoot pool,

I hate that, why do you need my number,

Whatever though, I don’t have to respond,

We laughed a lot,

I went with you to Starbucks today and I enjoyed the quiet and the small talks and the comfortable atmosphere,

Thanks for being here for me,

More than you know I’m grateful,

I haven’t talked to hippie in a few days and I’m not sure how to talk to him,

He doesn’t make me feel safe, he makes me feel chaotic,

I couldn’t sleep the first few nights with him,

I never know where I stand with him,

But here says I’m kind of predictable and it’s comforting,

But where’s my comfort,

Where’s mine,

On our third date, you told me that you get bored easily, and with other peoples traumas and problems , it’s difficult for you to take in, so you end it with people pretty quickly and painless on your part,

So I put up my guard,

And I guess I’m never the same,

But how could I be, the looming negativity,

The dark clouds just about to rain, but it never does,

I had one in 3 weeks,

Where’s the effort on your part,

But your depression and your marijuana addiction come before me, and they always will,

I’m not looking for a boyfriend or relationship, just respect and peace,

So we will be for fun, but nothing more but what will I say to you tomorrow,

I can’t stop thinking about our dates, and our nights,

You make me feel at ease and peaceful,

I slept so good with you,

The more we talk, the more it seems we have in common, we’ve been chatting all day in paragraphs,

Let’s see how long this one will last,

We both sleep on our stomach so we decided to, but couldn’t commit to closing our eyes for sleep, we stayed up too long like that, looking at each other,

Why do were look at each other for a long time,

Like we’re looking to see if anything in the fridge is being added without our knowledge,

Like we’re nervous to say something that’s on our minds,

Like we find the other person attractive,

Like a map that we don’t quite understand yet,

But it’s beautiful, and comforting,

I wonder if I will still find you funny in a few weeks or months,

If the spark will still be there,

I’m almost scared to get to know you, but so excited,

You got wasted,

I’m so glad youre having a good time on your trip,

You deserve it,

You called me twice and don’t remember, so I think it’s a good thing you were thinking about me ,

Thanks for chatting with me about everything,

You always let me vent and I’m so grateful,

I wish I could meet you in person but that would make everything so different,

Wouldn’t it,

I’m so glad we can talk openly about anything,

It’s so easy,

And I don’t have to worry about timing text messages or the games,

We are just ourselves,

Whoever you are,

Mister blue eyes and blonde hair,

With no eyes,

Im so tired, finally home from the bar,

Rodney is my best friend, he’s seen me through my worst and has helped me through it all,

He’s gives me food, shelter, and vices that we went through together,

Nobody will see me at my lowest like he has,

I’ll never do those drugs again,

Thanks for always being here for me,

I want to help you as much as I can, since you help everyone else and nobody cared to help you,

I’ve been there too before,

We played pool tonight, I normally beat you but I think the alcohol hit too fast and I lost 2/3,

I want to play more pool,

The bar was getting too hyped up,

Nervous for gun shots and fights, we left ,

Too many people with unknown faces and unknown agendas

I’m sorry you have tooth pain, I have you Tylenol and advil with an ice pack and hopefully that’ll help,

I’ve been through so much tooth pain,

I love you so much for everything,

I’ll always be here for you,

Good night, I’m so excited for what tomorrow will bring

[juliasdowntonstuff]

Just some late night ranting

This will be an unusually personal post for me. I never truly talk about all these feelings and emotions, at least not my own. So this is quite a different post to what I would usually put on here — and it has nothing to do with Downton.

I just think I have to get this off my chest, and I feel like my friends just wouldn't understand. This will also be my own personal reminder that feeling like this is okay.

I contemplated posting this a lot since I wrote it a few days ago. In the end, though, I am putting this on here with the hope that maybe someone else finds this who needs to read this at least partly as much as I needed to write it.

Also, this is the raw, unedited text copied straight from my notes app, so please excuse any mistakes.

This will talk about loss and grieving for a loved one, so take this as a trigger warning if you don't want to or can't read about that.

It’s currently 3:15 am on the 21st of November 2023. I am writing this to hopefully make some sense of at least some of what's keeping me up so late when I am doing just alright during the day, mostly at least. My friends wouldn't understand, and I don't blame them. How could they? None of them have had to deal with this yet, and I am happy for them. I truly wish they won't have to for years or even decades to come.

My mum is dying. Even just writing that sentence hurts like hell. She was diagnosed with cancer in late January this year. She did the chemotherapy, had radiation treatment and then had an operation. Everything was looking so splendidly after that. The doctors said that she was in remission and that should be able to get back to work sometime in the New Year. She truly started getting better after all the treatment, and it looked like she could start her new job after all. She was originally supposed to start said new job the day she got her diagnosis — a job she has worked so hard for all her life, and now she'll never get the chance to do it. Still, there was hope and we all clung to it. We were happy with the progress she made during the summer. And then they found the metastases, most prominently in her brain, and ever since then she has started losing parts of herself and abilities she once had, almost on the daily. Everything she once loved, she can’t do any more. She’s losing her memories and she’s starting to lose her control of words. My mum was always one of the most eloquent people I ever encountered. She was who I always turned to whenever I needed anything, anything at all. She’s not dead yet, but I am already agonizing over all the things I never asked her and the answers I’ll never get. And that is perfectly acceptable.

My mum attended every single event I ever participated in since kindergarten, all the choir concerts in school and now at uni; every single swimming or reading competition I ever took part in: she was there, front row, cheering me on endlessly. Next week I'll be singing and playing the first ever concert she won’t be able to attend and I am already saddened by her absence even though she is still here. She just won't be there in person. She was and is my biggest supporter. She’s not dead yet, but I’m already grieving just thinking about all the things she won’t get to witness, the milestones I won’t get to share with her. And that is perfectly acceptable.

I'm driving the 300 kilometres home from university every week to help my dad care for her. While I am there, I'm also doing the grocery shopping. People in my hometown have started looking at me and talking to me as if she’s dead already and it hurts unlike anything. She’s not dead yet, but I am already feeling her loss whenever I have to go out and see people who knew her. And that is perfectly acceptable.

I have had some time to come to terms with the reality of it all — that my mum won’t be here forever. Of course, she was never going to — that’s how life works. But she was supposed to have so many more years of life ahead of her. Now, suddenly, she doesn’t. All she has left are a few more weeks. No matter how hard I try, I simply cannot imagine a life without my mum in it, and I don’t want to in all honesty. But the truth is: I have to. Because sometime soon that will be my reality. I am already mourning my mum even though she is still alive. I get incredibly sad every time I look in a mirror or someone takes a selfie with me, because I don't just see myself in there, I also see her. I am the spitting image of my mum, and that serves as a constant reminder of what I'm about to lose and it won't ever stop reminding me and my family of this, of her. My mum is my best friend and I will forever be grateful for this special bond we shared and still share. This is not what life's like for so many people out there. People who don't get along with their parents or have no contact with them for various reasons. That's a fact that makes me even more emotional about it all. I am grieving the person I am and I will be grieving who I was when she was here because I know that when she dies, a not-so-small part of me will die as well. And that is perfectly acceptable.

I am grieving the woman who has been with me all my life, who raised me to be so independent, but who also helped my whenever I needed help and who stood by me no matter what. I am grieving my guiding hand in life. I am grieving the woman I have looked up to ever since I was a little girl, amazed by the effect my mum had on other people, most notably all her students. My mum is the reason I am becoming a teacher as well, her passion for that occupation and all it entailed was the match that lit the spark within me. My mum was my role model — she is my role model. 

I am mourning my mother, prematurely. She’s not dead yet, but I am already agonizing over her loss and the huge gap she will leave in our lives. What I’ll do when the time has come to truly mourn her I don’t know and I wish I wouldn’t have to find that out for a while yet. But I'll have to, and that certainty hurts unlike anything I've ever felt. I've lost both of my granddads to the same illness, so I know this kind of loss and what the weeks and months leading up to the inevitable feel like. But what I felt then and what I am feeling now simply cannot be compared. During our drive home from a visit with my granddad ahead of his death almost exactly two years ago, she said: “We're saying goodbye a little more each time we go, aren't we? Because a little part that was there last time has already gone missing and won't be found again by the time we return. And at some point, there won't be anything left at all.” And she was right. The extent this time around, however, feels so much greater and much more profound.

People in my life I've told about this situation ask me how I am doing all the time. All I manage to get out is a (mostly fake) smile and a forced “I'm fine.” Because how am I to say all of this to another person, straight to their face? I can't and I won't. After all, my mum is still alive. She is not dead, yet. I have nothing to grieve for, not yet.

And still, I am grieving this loss. Which is perfectly acceptable. At least, that is what I have decided for myself.

It is perfectly acceptable.

[usmsgutterson]

okay! It’s that time of the year again! My account anniversary has technically already passed--it was technically two years last month I but didn’t actively start posting until the 27th of this month in 2021, so we’re celebrating in april--and both not passed yet, but I was like “two birds get to eat one scone” so we’re celebrating three weeks early. 

Anyway!! Characters to whom this event applies are the same as normal with a new addition or two: we’ve got Alina, Mal, Zoya, and Nikolai from Shadow and Bone, Kaz, Inej, Nina, Matthias, Jesper and Wylan from Six of Crows, Pin Hawthorne from Free Rein because I miss him, Joel Miller from the Last of Us, and because I haven’t written for them in a while and I cannot run two accounts at once for the life of me, Jayce and Viktor from Arcane!

The event, as per usual, is below the cut, and all I ask with this event is that, if you don’t want the reader to be gender neutral--as is my default because I typically write in second person--please let me know!

CONCERT LINEUP

BOYGENIUS

I’ll give everything I’ve got, please take what I can give- blurbs! Fluffy blurbs, to be specific! I’m putting a cap on these at 800 words and I’ll take just about anything, so long as its fluffy!

in another life, we were arsonists- word prompts! Send me any word--it can be the most basic word you’ve ever seen or something specific!--and I’ll write a fic using that word as the inspo

You could absolutely break my heart, that’s how I know that we’re in love- relationship angst! I’ll write nearly anything for this, even if it breaks my heart, makes me rethink life entirely, and ends up being a lot longer than I meant for it to be, any relationship angst is game, the goal here is to sob.

always an angel, never a god- angst prompts! The link for the prompt list is here, and you can send in as many prompts in combination with each other as you want!

NOVO AMOR

so, it’s probably nothing, but it’s been on my mind sometime and I can’t let it go- hug prompts! The link for those is here, and again, you can send in as many combinations as you want!

a dose, a moment to live in- small moments! Give me moments of time that can seem insignificant but are actually very significant to you and I’ll write a fic!

I can’t seem to let myself leave you, but I can’t breathe anymore- longfics! These ones will probably be four or five thousand words in length, and the only thing I ask of you is that requests for this prompt keep to my theme of angst or hurt/comfort with this event!

anchor up to me love- okay! kiss prompts! The link is here, all that’s required for this prompt is that you send along a kiss prompt and whatever else you want to add

CONAN GRAY

it’s not like the novels- titles! Come up with a fic title, provide to me any other specifics you have in mind, and I’ll use whatever you give me to write a fic!

I want a love like the movies- give me a trope/character dynamic from this list, a song (or a specific lyric from a song that you want me to base it off of, or even a poem, anything that is seen as art is acceptable here) and a time of day. I’ll use that to write a fic with a minimum of 1k words. 

maybe we lost all the love that we had, and I can’t pretend it’ll ever come back- give me a one-word emotion (yearning, joy, contentment, anguish, anger, remorse) and a prompt of your choosing (it can be from a list I’ve linked anywhere on my account/this post, or one you come up with!) and i’ll use that to write a fic or make a moodboard!

I wish that you would stay in my memories- give me something mundane and I’ll write a fic of the character you choose doing that thing!

SINGLES

felt like home- ships + moodboards!! Give me a bit about you, an activity you associate with spring, and I’ll ship you with someone from the Grishaverse or Arcane!

am I comfortable in silence? or is it eating me alive?- angst freebie! no prompts or specific angst necessary here, just hit me with your saddest ideas and I’ll probably write anything for this!

something is rotten inside of me. I have to find it and cut it out- go wild here! I’ll accept any combination of prompts, nearly any idea, concepts that you just want to discuss without them turning into a fully fledged fic, or just, if you want to say hi and shoot the shit about something, this prompt isn’t necessary but you’re welcome to use it if you need an excuse :)

mutual tags: @ell0ra-br3kk3r​ @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r​ @sophierequests-trashblog​

[jungilhoon]

from 2015 to 2023: a retrospective!

i’m mostly writing this for myself, but if you happen to take a look and even get something out of it, that’s cool too.

i started this blog in march 2015; it’s now december 2023. back then, i was still a student, reaching the end of my teen years and preparing to progress towards the next stage of my life. i’m now twenty-eight (birth year buddies with sungjae, let’s go).

to be honest, my main goal in life during that time – aside from surviving university and then finding a job – was basically to spread recognition of btob as much as i could lmao. it was as if my well-being depended on their happiness and success. i wanted to watch them succeed so bad, and i feel like their rise equated to some of the most exciting years of my life. they gave me something i thought i was missing, and i needed them. at the same time, i think i was experiencing a lot of difficulties during the years 2015-2017. btob became my escape and comfort that helped me get through that period. looking back, i could have been relying on them a bit too much, but they certainly brightened my world. for that, i’ll always be grateful.

one of my fondest memories will forever be seeing them live for the first time at their 2017 concert. being in the presence of the seven people i had been supporting so hard was profoundly touching. hearing fellow melodies singing their hearts out to ‘it’s okay’ alongside myself brought tears to my eyes.

anyway, as time passed and i started to spend less time online due to changing commitments offline, i began to notice changes in myself. i stopped posting here in 2019 for no significant reason other than that i had gotten busy, and i was finding myself genuinely enjoying life by then. i was discovering happiness in more ways than i had before, but btob stayed a part of me. they were my reliable friends, my found family – the ones i could come back to at any time. my home.

in late 2020 and 2021, i distanced myself for a while. i don’t think i ever fully processed the news back then. i might have even told myself that not paying attention and blocking it out would be for the best. i basically took a break, only checking in here and there. (4u ate up on kingdom.) i’ve naturally drifted away from people i knew back then, but i’ve also stayed close to a few. eventually, i found myself accepting the way things had become, albeit slowly. i still miss and care about ilhoon. i understand if he will never be a ‘public figure’ again. i think i can simultaneously acknowledge and hold both of these perspectives. every now and then, such as when i’d finished watching the btob time movie last week, i do feel sad about it. it’s hard to just get over it. yeah, i’m an adult, but so what.

my mindset has changed as i’ve gotten older. in the past, i was hostile and quick to react in the face of negativity. i was chaotic; i always wanted to prove a point. i guess i’ve calmed down a lot since then. i’m pretty mellow these days. on the whole, i’m not fond of spending too much time engaging with strangers or acquaintances online. truthfully, it did make me anxious then too. i kind of prefer just tossing things into the void, like this post, and quietly enjoying what i like. that’s why being active online the way i used to be doesn’t seem to work for me anymore. still, maybe with rose-tinted glasses, i miss those days i spent just waiting on the next btob update and having fun here. i scrolled through my archive for a while last night, riding on a rollercoaster of emotions.

what i actually mean by my mindset having changed though, is that i seem to view things in life more positively these days. i’ve somehow stopped being so pessimistic all the time. i found it difficult to look on the bright side when i was younger. i was colder, filled with dread, and eternally expecting the worst. as a person, i think i’ve become warmer, more appreciative. precious things can disappear just like that. i try to be thankful, in case it’s true that nothing gold can stay.

i’m undecided on if i’ll randomly appear with the odd post when i feel like it. there’s no harm in it, so perhaps! at present, what i want to say is that i still wholeheartedly love and support btob. always will. i have their season’s greetings pre-ordered. now that they’re out of cube, i’m so excited for what they might have in store next. i don’t know what it’ll be, but that’s okay. whatever it is, and even if it’s not what i’m expecting, i trust them. i’ll be proud of them. really! 비투비 예전에도 지금도 앞으로도 사랑해요! 🩵

(p.s. i impulsively bought hour moment photocards at 2am last night, so maybe i actually still need to relax.)

[capturethechaos]

I’m currently stuck sitting in LAX waiting for my flight home, so now seems as good a time as any to write my sappy little piece about the tbagg/dig era coming to an end.

(Tw - mentions of depression, death, and suicide)

I discovered this band in September of 2021. I’ll be honest, I don’t remember much from this time, I was depressed, working at the same shitty job I’m still at, I had very few friends, and I felt stuck. Like absolutely, no chance at anything but what I was doing kind of stuck.

For the first little while of me listening to GVF I was alone, listening to their songs on repeat. I hadn’t was at a dead end with writing, nothing was giving me the inspiration I needed, and I felt like shit.

But one night I was listening to them, and I just had this feeling, this warmth that filled me that I hadn’t felt in a long time and it was the best thing I could have asked for. I hadn’t touched tumblr since I was like… fourteen, maybe fifteen. So I started writing on Wattpad cause that’s what I had been using for all my older writing. I had previously posted my work for other fandoms on my page, but I hadn’t really touched it for anything else, so when I decided to redownload the tumblr app and post my GVF work, I wasn’t expecting much.

I especially wasn’t expecting what would be what I think is the best thing I could have ever asked for. Because of this band, and through this app, I’ve met some of the most amazing people.

I was twenty when I found them, and within the first month of listening and writing for them, I had found a group of friends that I couldn’t be more thankful for. These wonderful people, along with the music from this band, got me through the experience of my uncle going missing, and soon after finding out he had killed himself.

Within days I was back home, turning twenty-one on the day of the Troubadour show, switching between choppy livestreams of the show with a group of people on discord, and soon after I was waiting impatiently in a presale queue for tickets to a show in a different country, making plans with people I had met over tumblr to see the boys in Wisconsin.

The shows were postponed/canceled…

But I was already in the US when it happened. I had taken my first flight ever, on my own, to a country I had only been in once, fourteen years prior, because a band gave me the courage to make my own path, to choose the road.

I never did get the chance to see them with the group I had met that week, but I’m thankful for every day that I got to spend with them, entertaining ourselves in Wisconsin.

I’ve seen them three times since then. Twice in my own province, having gotten the chance to see them with @amouratomique and two of my best friends from home. Once at the barricade, and once in the bowl, stoned with my friends as we experienced the music that changed my life.

I thought those would be my only chances to see them on the Dreams in Gold tour, but on the drive to the airport to send Alba back to California, she asked me if I would want to go to the Anaheim show with her… and of course I said yes.

So I booked a flight, bought my ticket, and impatiently waited for the chance to see the boys again.

Then the show got postponed… but it was alright. I got to spend a week in Cali with one of my best friends, and instead of saying goodbye, we got to say see you soon. Now I’m sitting in LAX, after seeing them one last time for the DIG tour, trying real hard not to cry as a think about the amazing I’ve met because of this band, and all the experiences I would never have had if I had ignored that stupid fucking TikTok.

So to anyone I have talked to since the beginning of my time here, and to those I haven’t had the chance to get to know yet, thank you for changing my life. I love you all so much, and I couldn’t imagine where I’d be now if I didn’t know you.

Edit: I explained this to Alba after the concert, but early this month, I lost my grandfather after he had a stroke, and on the day I got the call that he had passed, after saying goodbye to him for the final time, that any choice I made to travel, and to further myself for the sake of me, and no one else, would be in memory of him. Because I knew that he was proud of my choice to explore for the sake of exploring. So despite the fact that I was already aware that I was going to cry at the show in Anaheim, it felt incredibly special to be at the barricade when the boys played the new song, and I could feel him with me.