#I’m glad I didn’t get one back then bc I would have outgrown it and also lost it in the fire but like. I want one now

[shalvis]

Pls I’ve been waiting like I’m pretty sure over a year for the Etsy store that made that 80$ Shulk hoodie to reopen

[hedghost]

hedge can we have your review on the season? Like for each player give us a summary sentence on ur ops on their performance

oh yes gladly i love shit like this. you said one sentence but it’s way more than that bc i have a lot of thoughts hehe:

Mary Earps: honestly didn’t have her best season, especially in the first half, which i think was a mental thing. around january she seemed back to her old self and she did have some great games. kept us in a lot, pulled off some mega saves - we all know how fucking good she is there’s no denying that. however people chat a lot about our defence but i definitely don’t think she’s entirely without blame for some goals/results. still love her tho, just not her best season. genuinely no idea if she’ll stay.

Phallon Tullis-Joyce: that’s my fucking marine biologist!!! i’m so in love with phallon. criminal that we didn’t see her in the league, but her conti cup performances were brilliant. seems to work so well with the defence in such a short time despite lack of minutes played with them. good with the ball at her feet, good distribution, and made some fucking incredible saves (the one v liverpool was save of the season for me.) i genuinely won’t be mad if mary leaves bc i think phallon is more than good enough to replace her. hope to see more of her.

Gabby George: one of our smartest signings imo, was sceptical at first but she impressed hugely in the short time we saw her. made a huge impact on attacks down the left. gutted she got injured, def prefer her over blundell and think she would’ve made a big difference in some of our results if she was able to play.

Maya Le Tissier: will defend her with my life. made a few mistakes this season that she didn’t make last year but people forget she’s still v young, and i firmly believe she has the potential to be one of the best. grew into a leadership role this season. would have loved to see her push up more into midfield, or play in rb but 🤷‍♀️. long balls remain elite. if i were skinner i’d be building the team around her and prepping her for the armband.

Aoife Mannion: Didn’t see much of her due to injury but she remains solid. a bit slower, def not a starter but with the limited options we have she’s our best (and only) cb cover so.

Hannah Blundell: listen i like hannah and i think she’s decent but i also think a new lb is our priority (maybe less so when gabbys back fit but still). she’s solid and consistent but i think the team has outgrown her. done dirty a lot this season by being shifted to the right as it definitely doesn’t favour her. has a good linkup with galton but we still need more of an attacking fb to replace her imo.

Jayde Riviere: my Queen. i get flashbacks to ona when i watch her play and fall in love with her a little more each time. still young and needs more experience but has the potential to grow and be one of the best fullbacks. i expect her to be getting a lot of assists in the near future. super speedy, good awareness and vision, gets stuck in. all i can ask in an fb. only thing is she’s a bit too prone to injury but i’m chalking that down to inconsistent game time and being chucked back in by skinner before she’s fully healed.

Millie Turner: millie was consistent and great this season. glad she’s finally getting her flowers. times where she’s struggled have been when she’s had to deal with gemma evans next to her so i don’t blame her too much. she’s also less of a physical cb than maya is, which we saw a lot especially against ramirez, but that’s why i think the two compliment each other well.

Gemma Evans: hate this woman with a passion i didn’t see a single good thing all year. most baffling signing of all time. done dirty by being put as lb instead of cb but she’s still pretty crap as a cb. stunts all attacks as soon as she’s on the pitch because she continuously passes backwards even when there’s options, but also impacts attacks down our right bc blundell gets moved over and she can’t attack as well down the right as jayde, and we all know our midfield is too shit to go down the middle. gets beaten easily and loses her man constantly, impacts millie and maya bc they have to come over and cover often, and gives away too many fouls in bad positions bc she can’t compete with players so just takes them out dirty. shit as fuck.

Evie Rabjohn: gutted we didn’t see much of her, exciting prospect for the future.

Ella Toone: despite many lacklustre performances has had one of her best seasons statistically, however (controversial) she’s still not a starter. when she’s in the right space and gets the right ball she’s magic, but a lot of the time she spends 60 minutes completely invisible, then gets one banger of a goal and everyone pretends she’s had the game of her life. could be down to a shit midfield but im not fully sold. especially w/ the talent we have in the midfield she should be our super sub if you ask me. elite gamechanger, but not a starter.

Irene Guerrero: will never forgive skinner for what he did to her. the 8 minutes she was on the pitch were the best 8 minutes i’ve seen our midfield play. criminally underused, baffling as to why you would play zelem over her. hope she gets the chance bc she’ll storm the wsl.

Katie Zelem: when will we be free of a zelem midfield. i genuinely don’t understand why people think she’s good enough. loses the ball, and passes back wayyy too much, invisible half the time, not a good cam, not a good cdm, what’s the point? impossible for us to launch anything through the middle. great set pieces but we’ve seen multiple players who can do that too. a good captain and a good leader however, which i reckon is the only reason she stays, which is why i would be prepping maya for captaincy asap.

Hayley Ladd: while i don’t think she’s a starter i think we under-utilised her too much this season. she’s really our only strong cdm who can take control of the midfield and we needed her against teams like arsenal and chelsea who have v good midfields. when she has played she’s been v strong, and consistent.

Lisa Naalsund: my norwegian queen. she walked through the fiery pits of skinnerhell last season and came out the other side with a vengeance. has proved herself and firmly earned that starting position. really good on the ball, great vision, and scored quite a few screamers too. suffers a bit when she’s played with toone and zelem because she’s kind of the only one doing anything. dominates the right side more than the left - her link ups with jayde, geyse and lucia are brilliant. hope she stays.

Hinata Miyazawa: again, criminally underused. yes she was injured for a while but she should be a consistent starter if you ask me. so good on the ball, so good with pockets of space. i call her my tiny terrier bc she’s absolutely relentless with winning the ball back. never intimidated by any player. love her. hasn’t had the time to integrate fully with the forwards but when the cohesion is there it’ll be mega. i believe she can play on the wing too so i’d like to see some of that.

Emma Watson: another player i’m gutted was injured. so so excited to see her play as i believe she’ll be one of the best.

Grace Clinton: yes she was on loan but i’m still gonna include her. what a fucking season, and what a fucking player. i do think the loan to spurs was the best thing for her as she needed minutes which she wouldn’t have gotten here so i’m not criticising skinner for that, but we now have to do everything we can to keep her, not just the summer but the next. unreal. we’ve seen what she can do so i can’t wait to see her in a united shirt (fingers crossed)

Melvine Malard: if we don’t trigger the to-buy option we’re fucking stupid but my hopes aren’t high with skinner. should’ve got way more game time but hey ho. i don’t know why we don’t play her in the 9 when it’s clearly her best position. just love her energy, her connections, the way she moves the ball and gives everything. just need her to bag a few more goals.

Leah Galton: i love her sm but i think she’s kind of past her best now. she shouldn’t start bc she just gets tired too easily but she has had good moments so there’s still a space for her as a sub. has definitely suffered from not having a good fb behind her, but i think it’s time to move beyond her. still a clinical player with good skills, and hella agile but doesn’t have the connection with new forwards to make a real impact.

Lucia Garcia: i fucking love this girl. god i hope she stays but i do think she’s going unfortunately. our best and most consistent winger, fast as shit, moves the ball well, holds the ball up well, beats players, clinical on goal, commits to the ball but also so good at getting back to defend. player of the season for me, not a bad thing to say about her. just incredible we should be throwing the kitchen sink at her.

Nikita Parris: had a great season, def our most clinical finisher. i kind of prefer when she’s on the wing but she’s good in both positions. quick, relentless, good finishes, yeah she’s good. can def see her leaving though and i’m not up in arms about that as i feel we should be buying new strikers this summer. not so much of a ball carrier than our other forwards so mostly relies on service from others, but has good positioning and good finish.

Geyse: example of a brilliant player who’s suffering under poor coaching. mad skills but needs coaching to improve her decision making and finishing, which is what will make her a great player. she’s so fun to watch that sometimes i don’t even care when she loses the ball, but she def does way too much. shoots when she shouldn’t and doesn’t when she should. skinner can’t coach which is the problem, bc if she could finish she’d be immense. i’ve seen a lot of growth from her this season as she’s become more integrated in the team so i have hope.

Rachel Williams: had a great season but we really shouldn’t be relying on a 36 year old to win us games. just has that strikers instinct that you can’t teach but she’s ancient and so we desperately need a replacement. can’t deny that she’s saved us multiple times this season though.

[mittensmorgul]

it’s a bummer to see you can’t enjoy the ending. I hope someday you can come around it it. It wasn’t perfect but it didn’t nuke its integrity. i think the heart of the show really shines through and it’s a shame that it’s not being appreciated bc there’s so much shipping drama 😣

Hi there!

I... first of, I really need people to understand this... the travesty of the finale for me has almost nothing to do with “shipping drama.”

Yes, I see the wild conspiracy theories flying around, and I’m honestly concerned for some of those folks and hope they can find a way to make peace with this in whatever way they can, because we aren’t likely to ever get a better answer than that this is legitimately the ending that Dabb thought was best, despite years of us seeing the best of his writing choices and guiding Sam, Dean, and Cas to grow past the roles that Chuck would’ve forced them to fulfill, and that at the end it fell flat because he couldn’t actually come up with a better ending than “this was always their destiny, free will is a lie, and these characters had nothing outside of the revenge quest they’d been raised for since birth and manipulated into over and over for the entertainment of a vengeful god.”

I can see how “surface level” viewers would feel that this one basic narrative point was satisfying, that Sam and Dean had grown beyond their own hopeless cycle of self-sacrifice that had driven the narrative for so many years. The fact that they both acknowledged that they should allow their stories to end in that way was satisfying... but only in the shallowest and most detached read of the narrative. Like, is this really the ONLY thing these two characters learned in the last 15 years? If so, that is BEYOND depressing af.

And even THAT message lost all narrative weight when the two of them were once again reunited in death, as if nothing else had ever mattered in their lives. As if neither of them had ever outgrown the codependency that had driven so many of those previous self-sacrifices and refusals to let go of each other even in death.

So yeah, in the absolute most basic sense, I suppose I can see how casual viewers or people who aren’t actually invested in these characters could find that at least narratively coming back to a starting point.

But narratives don’t actually work that way, and that’s not the point of watching fifteen years of story develop in between.

This story wasn’t JUST about Sam and Dean needing to accept that death might be okay actually.

This story was also about free will, fighting for humanity as a whole but also their OWN humanity and self-identities. In Dean’s case, the absolutely transformative growth from feeling like nothing but a hammer, a killer, a tool to be used. And then less than an episode and a half later, after finally accepting that truth into his heart and using it to defeat the original creator and reclaim the story of his own life for himself... he gets pied in the face after flippantly talking about his destiny and having no choice, and then three scenes later he literally dies impaled on a great big nail... like a hammer...

So I would kindly ask folks who feel satisfied by that shallowest possible takeaway of this episode, and maybe invite folks to look just under that surface. Try to understand why loads of us will NEVER feel satisfied with this ending, and why it truly does feel like the most hopeless version of the story. Like even in defeating Chuck, they could never be allowed to own their own stories and what happened to them after that point was just a twisted version of the “destiny” that drove Chuck’s entire plotline for them anyway.

Please understand where we’re seeing this as horrifically painful irony rather than some beautiful circular narrative about letting go.

For a lot of us, the shipping stuff would’ve been the cherry on top of the sundae. We would’ve been happy with a scoop of plain vanilla, though. We would’ve been happy for anything that honored the journey to freedom, and the choice at any sort of a different life of their own making than literally falling back on a nail fighting off one of John’s unresolved hunts and a vampire who had literally never been named in canon before, yet who Dean instantly recognized somehow... 

but sure, for those of us who felt that “the heart of the show” was all the stuff that the finale actually erased-- that “family don’t end in blood,” and that this was actually not a show about just two brothers but the love of their found family and coming to terms with the choices they actually HAD made for themselves versus the narrative that Chuck kept centering them in DESPITE what they would choose for themselves, the finale basically told us no, everything you ever found of value in this story actually meant nothing. It told us that Chuck’s story for them was their only truth in the end, and their only freedom was to be found in death.

Please, I am begging people, stop trying to gaslight us that this was some beautiful ending. Maybe think for a second that “your read” of the narrative that allows you to find peace with the ending is not what we saw and loved about this story for the 326 episodes leading up to this finale.

And please try to understand that we were not wrong to see the entire narrative through this lens. Because we were literally validated IN CANON, and told that we understood the depth of the story and the characters just fine, actually. There’s literally ONE episode of the entire series that burns it all down in a bewildering pile of wtf. And that’s #327. That throws that entire read out the window to well actually us all back into Chuck’s literal ending... This was literally the ending Chuck wanted to force them to enact for him, and it’s what ended up happening even after they defeated him-- the ultimate Big Bad of the entire series should’ve been defeated, but instead he pulled off one final victory over the entire story.

Becky: No. You can't-- Chuck: I did. Becky: Y- This is just an ending. Chuck: Yeah. I don't know how I'm gonna get there, but I know where I'm goin'. Becky: B-But it's so... dark. Chuck: But great, right? I can see it now -- "Supernatural: The End". And the cover is just a gravestone that says "Winchester". The fans are gonna love it. Well? Becky: It's awful! Horrible. It's hopeless. You can't do this to the fans. What you did to Dean? What you did to Sam? Chuck: There, see? It's making you feel something. That's good, right?

and

Dean: Well, what now? You're not gonna dust us. Chuck: Oh, yeah? Why not? Dean: Because you're holding out. For your big finish. Yeah, we know about your galaxy-brained idea, how you think this story is gonna go. Sam got a little look into your draft folder. Chuck: Sam's visions -- they weren't drafts. They were memories. My memories. Other Sams and other Deans in other worlds. But guess what. Just like you, they didn't think they'd do it, either. But they did. And you will, too. Dean: No. Not this Sam. And not this Dean. So you go back to Earth 2 and play with your other toys. Because we will never give you the ending that you want. Chuck: We'll see.

And even in DEFEAT Chuck thought he understood these characters, thought that having rendered him powerless they would finally take their revenge and kill him, but they didn’t, because he never actually understood these characters at all. And the story he tried to force them into from day one was never about THEM, it was about HIM. 

And then Dean gets like two whole days of freedom and choice and is apparently incapable of making any of the choices that don’t throw him immediately back into Chuck’s favorite story. Like none of that resolution in the previous episode meant anything at all. He even SAYS it in the finale:

Dean: Yeah, no. I think about 'em, too. You know what? That pain's not gonna go away. Right? But if we don't keep living, then all that sacrifice is gonna be for nothing.

And then two scenes later the show gives us the Nelson Muntz HA HA and Dean is no longer living, and Sam is left to carry on as a shell of himself and wander off into Blurry Wife Land to devote any even remotely content moment of the rest of his years to raising a  Replacement Dean to fill the void, and is never able to pick up the pen to write anything better of his own life than Chuck would’ve dealt him in the first place.

So I’m glad that top-layer takeaway is sustaining and enough for you. It wasn’t, and will never be enough for the rest of us.

What was actually real in all of this? We were.

Until we weren’t.

And that’s honestly a shit message to be pushing on people in the wake of it all. So please stop.

I should actually thank you for the kind intent with which your message is phrased, but that doesn’t make it feel less hilariously awful. Though I chose this one to reply to as the least insulting of all the messages currently in my inbox on this subject. So thanks for that, at least.

[lightwormlol]

ACOFAS REVIEW -INC SPOILERS

4.5 stars.

Okay, so! This was the first book I was able to finish in 2021. I've kinda been in a reading slump, and struggling to get past the 30-50% of books. I think its because I took essentially 3 months off my normal (daily) reading schedule and have been prioritising other things (health, fitness, job applications etc) - I think it's a testament to how addicted I was to this that I finished and consumed this at the rate I did! I recently went back and added some things to my ACOWAR review. To briefly summarise, I feel that, at the time I read it, it kind of gave me what I needed, but it definitely isn't getting a re read - my love for feysand has definitely lessened over time, but honestly i'm not that mad at sarah for this, as I find that whenever I've passed the sexual tension part of relationships in books, I tend to get bored of the domestic bliss. Like, leave that shit for an epilogue and keep it at that? As someone generally averse to relationships, but there is definitely a grace period for how long I can actively be smitten with a couple... before it becomes sickly. Taking all this into account, I honestly was nervous for this book, its release date totally took me by surprise, and I read it on a whim. As a Nessian shipper (I mean we didn't really have a choice after acomaf but to delve into the world of fanfic to keep us going) - this book gave me most of what I wanted and needed from them! I think,(some) kudos to SJM, for not disappointing in their relationship. This was definitely a character > plot driven story. In terms of the plot, I wasn't really invested until around the 38% mark? I'm not sure if I was adjusting to the writing style (lots of dramatic. sentences. that. are. so. abrupt. Nesta Archeron. Death etc) - or if it was bc I hadn't read an SJM book since the novella, which I basically skimmed. I was obviously reading for Nessian, but I didn't really feel intrigued by the wider plot (death gods, the human queens? Given I had lost my previous obsession with the world/ have outgrown 'fandom' culture, that made me actively update my knowledge, I couldn't remember a lot!) I think its clear that SJM excels character driven stories, but I think her worldbuilding and execution is significantly better in the throne of glass franchise. Now, I did say this was a character driven story. This is mostly regarding Nesta, Cassian and Azriel. I loved pretty much any interaction they had! I love a good training montage. Ngl though, I think, unless you possess an ardent love for Nessian, you're not going to be particularly wowed by this, if you've read heir of fire, or even acomaf. I obviously am never going to be able to be objective, because I've loved nessian so much from 2017-now, but I loved the dynamic those two (and three - friendship wise between nes/cass/az). One of the highlights of ACOWAR for me was the snippets of Az, showing tenderness, and opening up to the newer members of the inner circle (and i'm excluding any hint of an Elriel ship because FUCK THAT LOL) For me, the tip with SJM books is: once you outgrow them/the particular mode of narrative style, is to not anticipate anything other than a character driven story, albeit one riddled with smut. I personally am a romance heavy reader, so I'm honestly deconditioned to it at this point, (like, when I see reviewers scandalised I'm like... wow, the amount of trash I have consumed in the last five years loool.) While I disagree with the fact SJM marketed this series as y/a (or maybe it wasn't her per se, but the key booksellers definitely did this for her) - I think its clear enough now she's descended into the adult/borderline erotica genre.(very mild imo). I personally like to adopt a policy of skimming sex scenes when I find the dialogue cringy (most the time it is lets be honest any talking is v second hand embarrassment). Cassian and Nesta were definitely better than Rhys and Feyre post chapter 55 though! I was so glad there weren't a million moments of Cass/Nesta betraying their arousal with their scents, in front of everyone (like feysand, the voyeuristic pda pricks they are). I found the slowburn ish nature of their relationship great, and I actually think if you're a virgo/emotionally stunted reader, you will be happy with their relationship dynamic. It contrasts with the daemati sexual snark of acomaf, but it felt right, and authentic. This book was a journey of personal growth, for Nesta. It is clear SJM loves books about strong women, and maybe thats what makes me love this book so much. I think, out of all the archeron sisters, I love Nesta the most. This is for my Rose Calloway fans, my misunderstood, somewhat cold/left out girls, who are less receptive to being vulnerable. If you're a slowburn fan, it's not Mariana Zapata levels of slowburn, imo it's the perfect combo. Addictive enough that I don't want to put it down, but not so fast moving that I couldn't believe it. I loved the sex without emotion relationship they had!! This is honestly never done in mainstream n/a fantasy, unless its a caricature of a 'slut' that normally rivals the main character, lmao. Even if their inner conflict was p transparent, this gave me everything I needed! I know this is vapid lol but I also love the physical dynamic between the two, they just look so good together, the amount of fanart I'm going to reacquaint myself with after this review!! I adored seeing Nesta grow, (even if towards the end I kind of resented her sudden acceptance into the inner circle, i get SJM loves her and just wanted a fluffy ending, but, as a Nesta like character, it's awkward and stilted on her end to adjust to the inner circle like this - i mean, hugging rhys, really??)

I think, if I had to compare this to any other SJM book, I would say Chaols book (though I obviously preferred this). That being said, I felt less attached to new characters in this book than I was in even Chaols book (and even then ngl I remember nothing?) Obviously I loved what it represented, as a trio of traumatised women. I just, didn't love this the way I loved other inner circle members! I get that they gave Nesta exactly what they needed, a family that doesn't hold the history of her sisters, who she doesn't have to worry about holding preconceived notions of disappointment. I loved this for her! Even then.. I just wasn't attached to either of them. I found their interactions cute - but boring. Towards the end, when their stories/pasts are revealed, I couldn't help but cringe slightly, I can't put my finger on why, but I just didn't buy it. Maybe it's the brit in me but I couldn't be moved by this slightly forced bonding moment.. which was so anticlimactic. My 'aww how cute' tolerance is defo deserved for characters whose tropes I love. Maybe they just didn't fit into this list. Maybe I'm just being a cow here?

Now, let's speak about the real star of the show.... A FUCKING MAGICAL HOUSE FRIEND??? YESSSSSSS. IF YOU ARE AN ILONA ANDREWS INNKEEPERS CHRONICLES FAN, U WILL LOVE! How was the animation of this somehow more touching than all of nesta's other friendships combined? Exactly what I ordered, thank you. This trope somehow touches more than any material bonding!! The cute witch x house dynamic (also maybe howls moving castle vibes?) I loved the trying to reach the target of 10,000 steps (a little Celaena HOF). I think this, heir of fire and acomaf are my favourite SJM books for this reason. Gripes: I definitely had some personal gripes with how other members of the inner circle treated Nesta (rhys i'm looking at you. Disappointed doesn't even cover it.) I inherently take offence to any elain scene, as i'm so over bland characters whose existence is reduced to wanting to fucking plant flowers?? like?? really? To go from moriel to that is such a downgrade, even if I fell out of love with Mor due to the way she snubbed Nesta (you're a 500 year old being and you can't see someone is clearly traumatised?). I adore Az so much, but if it aint polyamorous, I cannot see any pairing with Elain making me happy. (wouldn’t mind gwyn though) I think the whole mating bond that I do not want is a good dynamic, but I really hate that everyone has to be mates in this world. I don't think we were that surprised, but it would've been nice if the somehow, idk, developed a strong bond over time, without it being preordained? Like, even if they do not all actively stay with their mate, given how disproportionate mates are among the general population, what's the likelihood 6 members of the inner circle (including lucien) have mates?

My advice? Read this book if you love nessian and the acotar world in general, but don't expect the world building to be consistent with greater fantasy series'. This style of story is obviously what to expect. She writes what she likes, and if her fantasy is this - then who are we, as readers, to expect otherwise?

Final rating: 4.5 (no, i'm not objective, but objectivity does not exist if you are a real, human being, lol)

Original Characters: 5/5 (nessian/az/house wise) 1/5 (feysand - really over how they essentially take over the very end of the book - ugh, I wanted nesta's arc to be wholly separate from them) Writing style: 3.5 Cringe Scale: Low, with the exception of some dialogue. New Characters: 2 Plot: I went into it with a 2 and came out with a 4. Not in terms of complexity, but in terms of how addictive and enjoyable this reading experience was! (less)

[fuckyouclarke]

One thing I've noticed about the og!100 members of spacekru (and is one of the many flaws of the show) is that they all have outgrown Clack. Between Murphy, Raven, Bellamy and Monty (though some more than others bc shitty writing) they have learned to forgive and grow and work together. They apologize and actually change their bad behavior (Bell+Murph) they actively try to find ways in which to keep peace or problem solve without violence (Raven+Monty) all things C can't seem to do without 1/3

2/3 either victimizing herself "making the hard decisions *cry* *cry*", making backhanded apologies that's essentially "I'm sorry you were offended", or not apologizing at all then getting all pout-pout when people don't trust her. One of the main reasons why I don't like her is because she undynamic and unsympathetic for that same reason. She doesn't change so she doesn't grow so anything involving her is rinsed and repeated so she's boring to watch. And that's on the writers for not letting

3/? her be wrong. The characters hating her is ignored by many fans (foolishly) despite all the shit she put them through bc it all seems to work out in the end. The narrative doesn't hold her accountable so it makes C stans feel justified in saying that the ones affected by her actions are ungrateful. And calling her out is happening too late in the series so even though spacekru is right in their criticism of C the fans would rather double down on C than actually listen to the people who

4/4 have had to deal with the repercussions of her actions (torture, almost being killed, being manipulated, I would say dying in Monty's case since he sacrificed himself for C's betrayal). Everyone has surpassed her in emotional maturity and boy does it show. There is no sense of self reflection in C or accountability that spacekru has seen and suffered for and are better characters bc of it. At this point C seems like a plot device for shit to happen bc of her stupid actions.

I’m sorry it’s taken me a few days to reply, there’s a lot I want to say and now that it’s the weekend, I can sit down and take all parts of this message in!

See, this is one of the many reasons why I am, and always will be, Team!Spacekru. All 7 of them had grown and changed over those 6 years; they learned to rely on each other and became a family; those who used to be enemies became extremely close and forgave each other for past wrong-doings (Murphy/Bellamy, Murphy/Raven, Murphy/Monty, Bellamy/Echo, etc); they learned from those mistakes, grew from them, made apologies, became better people and got close. 

Clarke didn’t.

She was never a part of Spacekru, and was only w/ Madi for those 6 years, while her former “friends” that she knew for less then a year all got to know each other on a level that she never did.

So yeah, definitely they would no longer need her. Not anymore. She’s not their leader, she’s not even their friend anymore after what she did to them. They look to Bellamy as their leader; they have for those 6 years and still do. Clarke hasn’t made any fucking attempt to right any of her wrong doings, because she has believed herself to be in the right the entire time from the moment the Dropship landed on Earth in season 1 all the way up until the end of season 5. But even now, 3 episodes into season 6, she has yet to make any REAL apologies for any of her actions.

Even after Murphy literally spelled it out for her in 6x02 of all the ways she has hurt him!

Actually, people have been attempting to call Clarke out on her shit for seasons now - from Murphy to Bellamy to Octavia to Raven to Abby - and yet, Clarke NEVER listens, because she has this leader mindset that only HER opinions matter; nobody else’s feelings matter and what she’s doing is for the “greater good” and she “has no choice” (*cue pouty face*) Every single time a character has made any type of attempt to call her out in seasons 1-4 before the time jump, that’s exactly what she did. Fast-forward those 6 years (plus 125 years in Cryo), she’s attempting to make MURPHY - of all people - appear to be as bad of a person as she is, when Murphy worked his ass off for 4 straight seasons to get to where he’s at. He paid for his mistakes and he became a better person. Bellamy paid for his mistakes and became a better person - along w/ being a great leader and a great friend.

Clarke’s excuses are never-ending, and the more excuses she makes, the more her stans will jump all over Spacekru and make them out to be the bad guys...when we have LITERAL CANON EVIDENCE FROM THE SHOW that Clarke has been in the wrong - it was literally spelled out for us all throughout season 5, and now going into season 6. While yes, I definitely wish it was done sooner, because her stans are seriously out of control and I want to punch a brick wall the more I see them, it’s better late then never. But I for one don’t find her redeemable at all; I don’t trust her one bit, I hate her and I can never forgive her for any of the shit she pulled.

And I don’t think Spacekru should be forced to forgive her either; which is why I’m so glad that they’re not. Clarke can whine and complain and claim it’s “unfair” how she’s being treated, she can throw a tantrum and pout all she damn well pleases - it’s not going to fix anything! “Facing her demons” and actually owning up to her shit and making a REAL apology to the countless people she’s hurt is the only way that anything can even be remotely fixed!

Clarke’s last real apology was all the way back in episode 3x11 when she apologized to Jasper for Mount Weather and killing Maya - but even though she apologized, she added her usual “I had to save our people” at the end of it. Clarke has a LOT to learn when it comes to making apologies, because nobody will forgive her until she apologies for real and MEANS it.

She needs to take lessons from Murphy and Bellamy.

I did read somewhere a little while ago that w/ Jake Griffin reappearing in some shape or form this season, somebody came up w/ a theory that he will appear and he’ll be used to call his daughter out on what she’s done and show her how to make a real apology. I don’t remember exactly what the post said - I might have seen it on Reddit - but it was definitely an interesting theory. 

But then again, even if Clarke does pull her head out of her ass and get over herself, I still don’t find her redeemable. It just goes to show how little Clarke stans actually care about any of the other characters on the show and how they’ve been hurt; they’re feelings don’t matter to them. Clarke has gotten away w/ all of this for WAY too long and it’s time for her to face the consequences.

[shellheadtmarc]

connections!

you get to be my post about moe bc you already know all of this shit since you’re like 50% of the bullshit that happens in this verse.

anyway, for those that don’t know, have a seat.  we’re gonna talk about the npc present for fallout 4 verses on this blog named moe.

or more specifically, M.O.E.  what it stands for isn’t actually that important - he, like jarvis, has outgrown the words of the acronym his name comes from.

+ moe is a gen1 synth.  you know the kind - the skeletal looking ones full of pumps and tubes and all that fun stuff.  he was one of the ones zetta blew apart on her rampage to get to kellogg.  he doesn’t remember this.  he doesn’t remember anything from the institute at all, and this is a feature, not a bug.  tony doesn’t want them to be tracked down - not that the institute could crack his programming with how they’re still running on robco code.

+ speaking of bugs, moe is full of them.  figuratively speaking.  he was supposed to be a limited run to test ai coding because he had plans to rebuild said synths he finds in the commonwealth into something of a ground force for the iron legion.  (he does eventually do this for the record - they’ll eventually serve as something of a security force for settlements with a cosmetic overhaul all with distinct personalities.)  he was going to be shut down and wiped repeatedly as the code worked itself out but…well.  elle (as in elle days, courier six from the mojave) got attached to moe.  moe got attached to her.  and tony realized he was learning on his own.  not at the same pace as those that came later, no, and in a different way, but he learns and develops his own personality and in the end tony doesn’t have the heart to pull the shut down trigger because it starts to feel horrifyingly like murder.

+ so moe’s not perfect, but he’s his own person.  and proof that with better coding all synths can be sentient and self-governing.  he learns most things from the people he’s around most often:  tony, elle, stephen, maccready.  which means he’s incredibly innocent in a lot of ways, and incredibly stubborn and persnickety in others.  he’s very stubborn about problem solving on his own (he gets that from tony), has a surprisingly dry wit (tony and stephen), loves a good bad joke or prank (maccready and tony), and somewhat trusting (elle) and sweet-natured (elle) when he’s not trying to work something out.

+ tony did not cosmetically alter moe.  in fact, he’s barely touched moe at all since he was brought online, except to patch fatal bugs and add a directive or two here and there.  he’s also been damaged since being rebuilt, because in the beginning there were no enclosed parameters for where he could wander and it turns out moe doesn’t have much in the way of self preservation (tony, stephen, elle) and got attacked by some feral ghouls, losing his bottom jaw until he managed to overcome them and limp his way home, where tony patched him up (he’s still missing his lower jaw for now).  after that, he’s got defined borders that, if nothing else, keep him safe and among a populated area with override codes, in the chance tony decides to take him along elsewhere (he stays in fort hagen/fiddler’s green trailer estates).

+ he’s also something of a companion for elle.  elle is a little…clingy, and sometimes tony and stephen (boy elle and stephen, i’m glad that’s not a can of worms i gotta dig into) are, you know, busy.  but tony is soft.  he’s so very soft on elle, and feels bad, because she’ll slice you right to the soul with puppy eyes, so moe is kind of like a friend/companion/babysitter(?) for elle in a lot of ways.  it’s because elle is trouble.  unfortunately, moe is also trouble, and tony realizes that Mistakes Were Made but it’s honestly too late to do anything about it now.

+ moe isn’t some silent hulking skeleton robot.  he talks!  one minute he’s asking a million questions that remind you violently of elle, the next he’s delivering a stinger tony would wipe a tear of pride over.  he also has his own likes, dislikes, and methods of judgement for people, and tony won’t lie, it’s been with not a little bit of pride that even his buggy work works.  like all of his bots and ais, moe is as much one of his kids as they are.

+ moe mostly helps out around the house and the lab, he’s…kind of like tony’s own babysitter in a way that he handles the things tony forgets because he has a three-dimensional form and can do so.  did tony get distracted and leave something on the kitchen table?  moe puts it away (and as he develops learns to complain loudly about tony as he does so).  he’s very stubborn and set in the way things are To Be Done around the house and has no compunction about correcting something someone else has done.  right in front of them.  while staring them directly in the eyes while he does so (learned from tony and stephen and probably mac).  

+ tony didn’t leave him defenseless, either.  he’s as locked and loaded as any of the later synth rebuilds and while his coding may be buggy, his defense protocols are most certainly not (one of the fatal errors tony did fix in his programming).  

+ all in all, moe’s as much on the badger tony to take care of himself train as everyone else, because he’s made the connection of them doing it, and why they’re doing it, and calculations suggest tony taking care of himself is better than tony not doing so.  he’s been known to pull the breaker in the house in fort hagen and shut the power down completely if tony stays up too late.  sure, tony could give him the command code to plug it back in, but at this point it’s to be used in dire emergencies only, as moe has consciousness and free will, so he’s left with no choice but to give up and go to bed (so how are you feeling about synths now, maccready).  moe’s as much of a figure in fort hagen as tony is, and while there’s definitely a need for “don’t shoot the synth” signs, you get used to him.  really.

[gokinjeespot]

off the rack #1129

Monday, September 24, 2018

 Hello all you off the rackers. How's it going eh? I've been away the last couple of weeks on a trip out west. We landed in Victoria, BC on September 6 and did a road trip visiting Duncan, Comox and Tofino. Had a wonderful reunion with my childhood friend from the Glebe in Comox who I haven't seen in nearly 25 years. Time in Tofino was spent walking the beaches and enjoying all sorts of culinary delights. If you've never been to Vancouver Island you should go just for the drive through the mountains. We could see a glacier from the air B&B in Tofino that we stayed in. Penny and I spent an extra couple of days in Vancouver before returning to Ottawa where we had a lovely dinner with some Comicshop alumni from the 1980s. Thanks to Brent, Colleen, Keith, Louise and Scooter for showing up and catching up.

 A tornado touched down in our area on Friday, September 21. The power at the house went out at 7 PM and we didn't get it back until 11 AM on Saturday. No damage in our neighbourhood but others were heavily damaged. Our new fence held up excellently, thanks to Keith Astley. We were very lucky to only be inconvenienced a little. I feel for the folks who lost their houses and businesses. I had to drive around on the weekend and was glad to see most people being patient and courteous at the intersections where the traffic lights were not working. I did see a few anal pores who thought that the rules didn't apply to them and made other drivers hesitate and thus slow the whole process down even more.

 This may very well be the last off the rack that I write. Comet Comics is closing down it's current location and moving its subscription service to a used book store up the street. I will be out of a job and will not be able to borrow comic books to read anymore. Thanks to Brent at The Comicshop in Vancouver, I found out that I started to write for the newsletter back in 1986 with an editorial and then writing the Newswatch section. My first off the rack was in 1994 and I have been doing it weekly since then with only a few breaks. I love sharing my thoughts about the comics that I read but it sometimes feels like I'm doing an unpaid job too. Thanks to Ron Van Leeuwen at The Silver Snail and Heather MacDonald at Comet Comics for allowing me to enjoy my comic book hobby gratis. I wish you all the best. Thanks to the folks that read my musings and the comments you've shared with me. You guys take care, okay?

 Cover #1 - Brian Michael Bendis (writer) David Mack (art) Zu Orzu (colours) Carlos M. Mangual (letters). Things start off at a comic con where we meet Max Field, comic book artist. It looked to me that this was going to be about comic book covers like the reprints in the back of the book of the ones David Mack has done, but then we meet a super fan of Max's with very deep pockets. Her name is Julia. The story gets a lot more interesting when Julia shows up at a con in London, England and tells Max what her job is. David Mack's art is very distinctive but I didn't guess that this was drawn by him until I got to some painted panels later. This is an intriguing new book and I would put it on my "must read" list.

 The Immortal Hulk #6/LGY #723 - Al Ewing (writer) Lee Garbett (art) Paul Mounts (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). I am very impressed with the writing. It's sophisticated and thought provoking. The new military organisation set up to handle the Hulk is creepy and eerie. This issue sets up a big fight between the Hulk and the Avengers so it looks like next issue will be a smashing good time.

 The Dreaming #1 - Simon Spurrier (writer) Bilquis Evely (art) Mat Lopes (colours) Simon Bowland (letters). The Sandman is AWOL, the Dreaming is crumbling and its denizens don't know what to do. Lucien the librarian is in charge but he seems overwhelmed by the chaos around him. Meanwhile, new character Dora is hopping about between dreams and we get a glimpse of her true self. There is so much that is intriguing about this new Vertigo series based on Neil Gaiman's creations that I think Sandman fans will be pleased.

 Return of Wolverine #1 - Charles Soule (writer) Steve McNiven (pencils) Jay Leisten (inks) Laura Martin (colours) VC's Joe Sabino (letters). I consider myself to be a pretty good artist spotter. I can flip open a comic book and tell you who drew it but this time I was fooled and thought that Barry Windsor-Smith did the art for this issue. I still enjoyed the visual feast featuring Logan's return to the racks. Some fans might not be satisfied with no real explanation of how Logan came back to life and starts fighting the bad guys but I just accepted that he's here and has a mission to save the world. His foes are formidable and he starts off wearing the old familiar yellow and blue costume but changes by the last page to a more contemporary one. As much as I liked this getting a running start I do hope they tell us how Wolverine gets resurrected down the line.

 The Immortal Hulk #5/LGY #722 - Al Ewing (writer) Joe Bennett (pencils) Ruy Jose (inks) Paul Mounts (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). I had a feeling I was missing something when I was reading #6 yesterday. This book is hitting the racks every two weeks and I didn't get a chance to read this issue before leaving on my trip to Vancouver Island two weeks ago. I'm glad I did because it explains the mysterious reflection that Bruce sees in the mirror in #6. I thought it was Major Talbot or the Leader with a normal sized head but it's not. Here we have the Hulk fighting Sasquatch and saving Walter Langkowski from himself. This issue also emphasises the fact that this new Hulk isn't just a mindless monster. I really like that this Hulk can have a regular conversation.

 Adventures of the Super Sons #2 - Peter J. Tomasi (writer) Carlo Barberi (pencils) Art Thibert (inks) Protobunker (colours) Rob Leigh (letters). How are a green Kryptonite weakened Superboy and a bound Robin going to defeat the Gang of young super villains? They get help, that's how. The last page made me smile because it uses a classic twist from the days of "The Death of Superman". This is a fun book.

 Avengers #7/LGY #697 - Jason Aaron (writer) Sara Pichelli (pencils) Sara Pichelli & Elisabetta D'Amico (inks) Justin Ponsor (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). It's the origin story of the very first Ghost Rider plus a super villain that Wolverine fans will recognise. This issue is a nice segue to…

 Avengers #8/LGY #698 - Jason Aaron (writer) David Marquez (art) Justin Ponsor (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). The current Ghost Rider, Roberto Reyes, arrives at the new Avengers headquarters and is officially made a member. The new HQ at the North Pole is very cool and pure comic book plausible. After a quick tour the team gets a global alert that Roxxon is up to no good and the battle cry is uttered. It's off to the southern seas and a confrontation with an old ally. Imperius Rex!

 Batman #54 - Tom King (writer) Matt Wagner (art) Tomeu Morey (colours) Clayton Cowles (letters). Dick Grayson sticks around after Batman and Catwoman's break up to help Bruce get through it. It's a good excuse to remind us of their partnership. I loved how Dick's humour contrasted with Bruce's dour demeanour. Matt's art was a bonus for me.

 Batman #55 - Tom King (writer) Tony S. Daniel (pencils) Tony S. Daniel & Danny Miki (inks) Tomeu Morey (colours) Clayton Cowles (letters). The Dynamic Duo continues to keep Gotham City safe while a one-armed stranger arrives to go about an unknown mission. That mission is revealed in the shocking last page. This incident may just top the Killing Joke.

 Pearl #2 - Brian Michael Bendis (writer) Michael Gaydos (art & colours) Josh Reed (letters). When the first caption of the first page reads "years ago" you know it's origin story time. This story about a Yakuza tattoo artist/assassin is very different from Brian Michael Bendis's super hero stuff for DC. His work on Superman doesn't engage me like this book, Cover, and Scarlet do. I think it's because he's got to write the Man of Steel to appeal to younger readers too. Maybe I've outgrown Superman.

 West Coast Avengers #2/LGY #104 - Kelly Thompson (writer) Stefano Caselli (art) Triona Farrell (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). This is a little more sophisticated than the Adventures of the Super Sons but it's still a lot of fun. I especially like Stefano Caselli's facial expressions. The B.R.O.D.O.K. AKA Bio-Robotic Organism Designed Overwhelmingly for Kissing is an upgrade from the super villain M.O.D.O.K. AKA Mental Organism Designed Only for Killing, but he's still not nice.

 Thor #5/LGY #711 - Jason Aaron (writer) Christian Ward (art & colours) VC's Joe Sabino (letters). We take a break from the present and travel to the far flung future to see if Old Thor can save the universe from dying. He meets an old friend who turns out to be not so friendly. The amalgam of Wolverine and the Phoenix Force is cool but wait until you see the huge mash up on the last page as the villain is revealed. This guy makes Thanos look like Forbush Man.

[iconicdumbass]

I wrote letters to people in my life and I’m gonna post them without names bc I need to get if off of my chest. I’m gonna put an emoji I associate with them.

💜 To my favorite Dreamer:

You’re so sweet. Too sweet for this world. You’re a dreamer, an optimist. You’re so gentle. I love you. I feel like I have to take care of you. I wish you didn’t seek constant validation from anyone and everyone.

😕 To my acquaintance:

I don’t know how to feel about you. I don’t want to get rid of you completely because you were there for me. You’ve done a few shady things that I’ve overlooked. I don’t fully trust you.

🍩 To her:

You’ve been in my life for so long. You saw me grow up. We grew up together. Sometimes I get the sense that you need me more than I need you. I feel bad when I ignore your calls, but I need space. You always tell me that I should vent to you and that my problems are yours but I don’t see it that way. I like to deal with my problems on my own. You judge me a lot and you make me feel stupid a lot. You judge my relationships a lot. I feel like we’ve outgrown each other but we can let go because of our history. You’re too clingy, and I don’t do clingy.

🥛To my friend turned stranger:

I don’t know what to feel about you anymore. I feel like we’re only friends because you like the drama in my life. You seek my approval all the time. You’re always trying to one up me. You always try to convince me to let the ghosts sleep, but I can’t.

💌 To my mutual:

We’re only really friends because of our mutual love for someone. We both care about them and protect them. You seem cool. You’re pretty asf too.

💊To Mr. Watson:

There’s nothing I can say about you that I haven’t said. I love you and I hate you but the love I have overshadows the hatred that I have. You confuse me. Your darkness drew me in but I never thought I would become consumed by it. You’re enigmatic. You’re electric. You know exactly what to say to me. You know me very well and it scares me. You figured me out when no one in the history of ever has been able to and a part of me hates you for that. I hate the way you twist the knife. I have these moments of clarity when I realize that I don’t need you but something always pulls me back in. It breaks my heart a little when I think of you. All I’m left with is a hole you left in me. I compared you to cocaine once and you said it was romantic. People still ask me about you, every single day.

✈️ To the lost soul:

You and I have history. I don’t hate you, but I also don’t have any love for you. I confused my feelings for you. I liked you as a friend but nothing more. I honestly wish nothing but the best for you. You were always so kind. Just know that the world isn’t as dark as you think it is. You have so much to look forward to.

🦇 To Batman:

I feel sorry for you. I feel like I led you on. And then when you got in a relationship you told me that you’re only with her because I didn’t want you. You begged me to give you a chance but I told you that I couldn’t. I felt betrayed because you knew the situation I was in. You listened, you gave me advice. Sometimes I wonder if it was all fake. That’s why we no longer speak. You worry me. You have so much love to give and you’ve been hurt so many times. I hope the two of you are happy. You deserve it.

🥃 To the broken one:

You understand me to an extent. You’re my drinking buddy. We have fun. We go clubbing, we binge drink and used to do lines together. But you worry me. I feel like you’re in a loveless marriage. You tell me that it’s fine when you two argue because you “always make up” at the end of the day. You crave stability which is why I think you rushed things. You worry me so much. You’re a fucking hot head. You internalize your feelings. I’ve only seen you cry a few times in our lives and each time was heart shattering. I care about you.

💵 To my competition:

I don’t get you, at all. You confuse me. You only call me to complain and you play the victim a lot. You try to live vicariously through me. But you always forget that I’m not you. I feel like we’re competing against each other sometimes. You irritate me. You SMOTHER me. You don’t let me breathe. You’re always calling me and texting me. I need to do my own thing.

🍺 To the man whore:

You were the first man to break my heart. I saw the way you treated women growing up. It hurts me seeing you treat your girlfriend right when you couldn’t even treat the mother of your kids correctly. I love you, but I have an underlying hatred towards you. I think that a lot of the issues I have with men are because of you. You raised me to be a “good woman” but you never showed me what a good man is. You try to buy my love but I can’t be bought. I pretend it works because I feel bad. You try to understand me and I appreciate that. You haven’t left me, so I appreciate that too.

🔮 To the warlock:

We’re only friends because of someone. I feel like you use me for information about them. You’re a decent person tho.

😒 To Mr. Nice Guy:

You irritated my fucking soul. You were always so fucking thirsty. You got mad when I got back with him but you and I weren’t a thing. You would always message me and I would ignore you. So you calling me a “Whore” was unnecessary. You’re not a victim. You suffer from “Nice Guy Syndrome”. You aren’t entitled to ANYTHING. I’m glad I blocked you.

[monogamyexpiration]

The 7 year itch-not just a movie

I’m currently married & have been with my husband for over 12 years however prior to this marriage I had a previous that only lasted 7 years. My current husband was also married prior to me, for 7 years. Many of my friends and people I see on social media that are married only stay married for 7 years or less. The ones that stay married longer than 7 years often have trouble around the 7-year mark & their relationship is truly tested. So, it got me thinking, is there such a thing as a 7-year itch? In 1955 Marilyn Monroe stared opposite Tom Ewell in the romantic comedy titled, you guessed it, “The Seven Year itch”. This movie is based on a play with the same namesake that deals with the declining interest in a monogamous relationship after seven years of marriage. This theory isn’t really new it is something psychologist have studied for years. So, are we as humans truly meant to be with one person for eternity or are relationships meant to have expiration dates? I mean many of us change as people, our priorities become different, our passions change, our purpose grows, interest changes, even appearance changes. So, does that mean we can outgrow being married to one person? We often outgrown friendships, think about it there are probably very few ppl you were friends with in junior high that you are friends with currently. Do we have to work with our partner to evolve together? What if your partner does not want to change, evolve, or go along with you on a new journey? What then? Divorce? Divorce is always and option I suppose but for many with children involved it is not the simple. Matters of the heart rarely are simply anyway. How do you beat the 7-year itch? My husband & I went through the 7-year mark troubles. The new wore off, we were busy with work, kids, after school activities, & had very little time for one another. We didn’t really even attempt to make time for one another bc what was the point we knew everything we were every going to know, right? My husband fell in love with my loud, unruly, fun, free thinking, social butterfly, fear less personality and I fell in love with his kindness, gentleness, quietness, consistency, & just the way he was a man’s man. We were perfect opposites & it worked. . .for a while. As time passed the same reason, he fell in love with me were the same reasons he began to resent me. We had a daughter 2.5 years into our relationship & he already had 3 children from a previous marriage & relationship. After our daughter was born, I changed as most new moms do. I saw the world in an entirely new way. I wanted to change & improve things more than ever before. I joined my step sons school PTA, I started to do work for Saint Jude’s, I also got offered to be apart of a board that helped plan events to benefit local nursing homes. Of course, I discussed all these new endeavors with my husband prior to jumping in, & he always fully supported, at first, but that would quickly change. Anytime I had a meeting or event I would make sure it worked around my children’s schedule as well as my husband & I’s work schedule, but it didn’t matter he always found a way to start a fight & I would end up looking like the bad guy. I didn’t understand how eh could go hunting, fishing, whatever & never had to plan out what was happening with the kids nor did he have to worry if I would be upset, however when it came to me doing something I wanted I had to make sure the house was clean, laundry done, kids had a sitter, meals planned, etc  My husband would make comments like, “oh you pawning the kids off again”, when I had a event or meeting that I could not bring the kids to which was usually once a month. I didn’t understand how it was considered “pawning” my kids off when I had something I wanted to do but it was considered that for him. I kept quiet which turned out to be the wrong thing bc soon I began to resent him. I hated seeing him drive up at home bc I knew he was going to be unhappy about something. It did not take me long to figure out my husband and I’s differences were far greater than I had initially thought. He is a pessimistic person and I am optimistic. Our vehicles may not be the newest & our home maybe not the biggest but I love it bc it is ours & we work hard for it. We may not have millions or even thousands but our bills are paid, our children are healthy, we are healthy, employed, & free. I use to tell my husband, “One day god is going to test you & take away everything you have, then I bet you will appreciate it.”. You never want to be so busy looking at what others have that you forget all that you have.  Despite my husband differing thought process I accepted him, I would never get anger over what he chose to believe, in my mind by me doing that he would do the same t me on my opinions that differed from his. WRONG!!! No matter what I would say or do he had something negative to say. If I was watching something on tv he would start making ugly comments about whatever I was watching, so I stopped watching tv when he was around. If was on the phone with a friend, &he was around he would begin fussing & making ugly comments so I stopped talking on the phone to my friends when he was around. If I would make plans to go eat with friends, he would fuss so I started canceling on my friends. I started my own little side jewelry business I would hand cut metal and stamp it; it was called Creative Metal, & I LOVED it. To be sure it did not interfere with my mom/wife/employee duties I only worked on it at night once the house was clean & everyone was asleep. But it was not good enough my husband would get up in the middle of the night fussing that I was still up, or making noise. So, I gave it up, sold almost all my tools & supplies. . .I’ll be honest it hurt my heart but I wanted peace. The resentment grew & grew to the point that I could not take it anymore, I couldn’t breathe. I longed for an intelligent conversation with a man that thought I was truly amazing, a man that supported my dreams, hopes, etc & even if it was not something he wanted he wouldn’t mind coming along for the ride simply bc he wanted to be with me, support me. There were opportunities where I could have cheated but I am fiercely loyal even when some do not deserve it & the thought of my husband finding out & hurting, I just couldn’t do it. Instead of infidelity, I decided I had enough, I decided I was going to live my life, & if he wanted to support me great, if not oh well his lose. So, I did, I talked on the phone and when he started, I wouldn’t hold back I’d tell my friend, “lemme call you back Travis is fussing bc I am talking to you”. He would immediately get embarrassed, and I would say hey if that’s how you gonna act you need to claim it. I started watching tv when he was there and if he started fussing, Id walk out & go watch tv in another room. I wasn’t going to stop living, existing, & growing bc HE didn’t like it! I started being that girl he fell in love with the one I hid to make him comfortable. I started telling him to Fuck off, & I no longer cried bc he hurt my feelings, I just let it roll off my back. I am not sure if it worked or not but we are now 12 years in, the resentment is no longer there bc I do what I want, say how I feel, & make no apologies. I can honestly say my husband is friend, he can still be a giant douche canoe but I do love him & despite what I may think he doesn’t like me sometimes deep down I know he’s crazy about me. Our children are older now & so are we, we now have more time for one another & actually make the effort to spend time together & usually enjoy said time. We joke back & forth, pick at each other, & do not take things said nearly as personal. Now with all that, I could have just divorced him & started over. . . but who would I be as a person? I can not say I actually “fought” for my marriage as much as I just said Fuck it & made the decision to just live. I know some people are better off apart, divorce is better than marriage, & that’s ok everyone’s journey is different. For me, I had already been through one divorce so if I was going to have a second one it was not going to be my doing. I guess you could say sheer stubbornness is what got my marriage through lol either way I’m glad. Even in years from now we decide to go our separate ways, I will always appreciate the journey we had together.  Maybe, extended monogamy isn’t for everyone, & that’s cool too. Just live the best life for you, a life that in the end you are proud of no matter what. 

[secretagentspydetectiveninja]

Quite honestly the bullet-point draft version of Too Aro Ace For This is better than the actual version, just because it’s so ridiculous, I mean I wrote most of it at 3 in the morning one night while crying so I feel like I should share it:

(if you are on mobile apologies, this was under a cut but yeah. Scroll through the nonsense at leisure.) (tumblr mobile glitches 90% of the time anyway)

TOO ARO ACE FOR THIS

(^idk if I'm gonna call it that or not that's just a working title)

(Anyway there was no way I was gonna be able to go without at least making a start on this thing which is essentially just three weird dreams I've had smushed together into a mess)

(I JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELS ABOUT MY ARO ACE DAUGHTER OKAY AND I'M SO SORRY FOR MAKING HER SUFFER)

So anyway here is the meme format version of this story which first tricks you into thinking it's about Alix's watch but then tricks you into thinking it's rarepair hell but then tricks you into thinking it's about heartrate but then tricks you into thinking it's rarepair hell again and then tricks you into thinking it's about the love square but really, it's about this poor child figuring out she's hella aromantic asexual and finding her platonic soulmate

First it's a normal school Friday but Alix is in a really bad mood bc in the evening she will have to go to the opening event for her dad's new exhibit at the museum and it's gonna be posh and boring and also he basically guilt-tripped her into wearing a dress for it bc he commissioned Marinette to make the dress specially for her so now she has to wear it and she's LIVID

Kim is an idiot and challenges her to an arm wrestle and she says yes but then she's sure she's gonna lose bc she's not actually that strong, but then again she's filled with rage so maybe

Anyway she does win and everyone's like "whoa" *highkey terrified of her* and Kim's red in the face and demanding a rematch and she's like "don't be a sore loser you jerk"

Then in the evening when her family's getting ready to go to the Louvre her dad's like "k you're not allowed to take your phone bc otherwise you'll just be using it all the time, you're 15 now so you can't just mess around, also don't go gorging yourself at the snack table with Jalil the whole time in fact Jalil since you wanna be a museum curator person too you should stay by my side and see how it's done"

Jalil's like "I HAVE SO MUCH UNI HOMEWORK SAVE ME" but he agrees to come along anyway

Alix is like "well would you look at that, this dress is too long for me :) I would just trip over :) what a shame :) looks like I'll have to just wear a suit instead :) in fact I don't even have a suit so I'll have to wear like a hoodie and jeans :) isn't it just too bad :)"

The dad's like "actually I got Marinette to get you matching heels so if you wear them then you will be tall enough" and Alix is like "WHAT NO I'M NOT WEARING THOSE" *throws a temper tantrum*

Her dad's like "bleh you 15 year olds and your teenage hormonal mood swings" *checkmate* and Alix is seething but wears the heels (though she refuses POINT BLANK to wear makeup and anyway no one in the house knows how to do it lol) (also she's literally me lol)

But then she's like "I'll only come along if you let me bring my watch" and he's like "fine but don't spend the whole evening fiddling with it or I'll confiscate it"

Anyway Marinette was a Good Child who sewed pockets into the dress bc all dresses have a dire need of pockets so Alix puts the watch in there and then tries not to fall over in the heels (like she can balance easily on skates but just not heels... pal trust me I used to ice skate fine but I could never wear heels and still can't so it's a thing okay)

Who needs HEELS when ya got HEELYS amirite

(Listen Alix totally wears Heelys all the time okay it's canon)

So they're at the thing at the Louvre and it's boring as hell (like remember that one scene in RWBY where Weiss Schnee is at that thing with her family and she hates it with every fibre of her being, in fact I'm guessing that episode probably inspired the dream that I lowkey based this part of the thing on lol)

Then at one point Alix feels that the watch in her pocket is getting really warm for some reason and she's like "????" bc it doesn't even run on electricity or anything

I mean I'm guessing it doesn't, idk how it works, looks like magic to me mate

So she's like "pssst Jalil come over here I need to show you something" so they sneak off to a room on the side and she opens the watch

It's really hot and the blue light from the hologram is pulsing like a beacon thing and it's really bright

She's like "do you have any idea what's going on with this thing" and he's like "idk sis it's your watch not mine" and she's like "but you're the history nerd" and he takes a closer look at it and says "nah I still have no idea why it's doing that, anyway I should get back now bc if dad notices I'm missing he'll be mad"

So they go back but it turns out their dad already noticed they were gone and he's like "frick's sake Alix I told you not to go goofing off and especially not to distract your brother, now go make yourself useful while I tell off Jalil, go say hello to Henri Duparc over there"

She's like "oh god no please I hate him" and her dad's like "just do it and don't make a scene okay"

(Henri Duparc is totally Jean Duparc's snobby nasty older cousin and I already hate his guts, I feel sorry for Jean for having to deal with him)

(But he's really rich and influential so everyone tries to stay on his good side bc he can literally make or break a person with his influence)

So she wobbles over on those heels (poor thing, how did she survive the Reflekta episode honestly) and is like "Good evening" *trying not to sound bored out of her mind/in a very bad mood*

Henri's like *snooty rich person voice* "Oh hello there Miss Kubdel, I didn't even realize you were here today because you're so ridiculously tiny even in your heels, which btw I am glad to see you wearing bc you finally look respectable for once"

She's like *clenches fist* "what's that supposed to mean" and he's like "well usually you're a complete mess and it's so unprofessional and lower class, but I'm glad to see you've finally outgrown your stupid childish tomboy phase and are actually behaving yourself for once, I hope you've put your rollerskating and aggressiveness behind you for good"

She's like "excuse me? What the hell is wrong with rollerskating or being a tomboy like how is that childish???" and he's like "well you're a girl so you should act like one" and Alix is like *trying so hard not to just punch him bc she's already had a bad day and her patience is ending* "so you think it's better for me to force myself to be whatever your idea of a girl is, rather than just being myself?"

He's like "ugh you may be wearing a dress but it sounds like you haven't changed at all, you shouldn't be talking back to me with that tone of voice young lady, you have a lot to learn about the world"

She's at the end of her tether but remembers her dad told her not to make a scene so she's like "scuse me gotta go" and hecks off to some empty corridor somewhere

She's had such a bad day and hates that everyone's always trying to get her to be someone she's not for no relevant reason at all and she's feeling restricted etc (and okay also she's 15 so her mood may not quite be on balance) so she starts crying angry tears a lil bit

She storms into one of the side rooms and suddenly runs head first into Chat Noir of all people

He's all like "omg Alix is that you??? Whoa you look-" and she's all like "I KNOW I LOOK GREAT I DON'T CARE JUST BE QUIET" and he's like "k k sorry... um... what's wrong? Are you crying?"

She's like "who cares, you won't understand" and he's like "lemme guess, events like this are stifling and boring as heck? And you gotta try so hard to fit in and be the Perfect Child and make your family proud and it's stressful and you can't be yourself? Is it something like that? Cause I know how it feels..."

She nods and starts crying into his chest (height difference amirite) in a semi-hug and he's internally like "frick she's cute" and externally like "well it's okay, you can talk to me about it if you want..."

She's about to say something but suddenly remembers that one time she killed him and feels really guilty so she just wipes her eyes and says "nah it's okay I'm fine now, anyway I should probably get back soon, maybe I'll get told off less that way... anyway what are you even doing here?"

He's like "well I was messing around with my baton and I seem to have accidentally unlocked a new setting thing and it's some kind of tracker? Idk it was leading me to this location so I decided to see what it was"

He pulls out his baton and presses some buttons and then he frowns like "huh that's weird... the thing the baton is tracking is in this very room but like... this is just an office, what could possibly be in here that's connected to my miraculous"

Alix takes the watch out of her pocket and opens it and it's glowing super brightly now so she's like "omg do you think it was tracking my watch? Bc this thing is behaving very weirdly this evening and idk why"

Chat's like "omg yeah it's the watch, that's really weird, I wonder why that's happening? Maybe I'll ask Plagg about it..." and Alix is like "who's Plagg?" and Chat's like "...nvm it's a long story"

Alix is like "well I should probably go back now but let me know if you find out anything important about my watch k" and she puts it back in her pocket and leaves quickly

When she gets back to the main room her dad's about to tell her off again for ditching again but he sees her red eyes so he's like "k fine just go to the snack table and eat lots of chocolate if you want, tho don't blame me if you get loads of spots" so she spends the rest of the evening binge-eating chocolate and feeling rather confused about the watch and also rather sorry for herself while also feeling guilty about feeling sorry for herself

(Hoo boy that's just gonna get worse...)

I mean we're not even up to the aro bits)

(And holy heck don't even get me started on the ace bits)

(my poor daughter has a very long way to go... earn your happy ending indeed... poor kid...)

When they get home that night her dad's like "are you okay" and she's like *already feeling guilty about literally everything she has ever done in her life ever even though she's perfect and has never done anything wrong* "I'm fine dw, I'm rly tired now goodnight" and goes straight to bed

The next day the family gets an invite to the Agreste mansion next weekend for a posh event thing bc of some new clothing line and they're like "huh how did that happen... probs bc Adrien is in your class???"

And the dad's like "Alix you don't have to go to this one if you don't want to" and she's like "thank you thank you thank you!!!" and then goes off rollerskating or something idk

On Monday at school Marinette's screeching like a fricking pterodactyl waving her phone around like "OMG ALIX YOU LOOKED SO STUNNING IN THAT DRESS OF MINE YOU WORE OMG AAAAAAAAA WHO KNEW YOU WERE THAT PRETTY YOU'RE MAKING ME FEEL SO GAY I'M GONNA CRY EVERYONE LOOK AT THESE PICTURES"

Poor Alix is sinking into her seat like "kill me" while everyone's looking at the pictures like "ahhhh I never knew you were so gorgeous??? Why don't you put more effort into your appearance usually???"

Marinette's all like "Kim what do you think" and he's like "pffffft I totally definitely don't think she's cute or anything bc she's definitely not cute" and Marinette's like *shove* "oh come on admit she looked amazing" and Kim's like *blushing* "fine, if you say so!"

And then Marinette's like *stuttering* "h-hey Adrien, w-what do you think of the d-dress I made, did she l-look pretty in it?"

Adrien, being Chat Noir, already knows Alix was totally uncomfortable in that dress so he's like "well the dress is beautiful Marinette and you're really talented but like... she doesn't need a dress to look great? She looks fine how she is? Idk I like her normal aesthetic I think it suits her and she can dress how she wants"

Alix is internally like "oh thank god one person gets it at least, bless Adrien Agreste he's the only kid in this class I don't hate right now"

So later on she goes and finds him in the library like "thank you for appreciating my normal self" and he's like "oh no problem! I mean I totally get it... my father's always making me model his clothing line for him and people are always praising it but I don't feel like it's the real me"

She's like "omg that's exactly it! I literally only went to that thing bc I was forced to and I didn't even know Marinette was making that dress for me until it was already done so I had to wear it and I just hated every second of it, so to have people telling me I should be like that more often just feels awful"

 Adrien's like "ikr #richpeopleproblems... and this Sunday is the gala at my house and it's gonna suck bc the only person there I know is Chloé and you know what she's like... and I'll just have to be my dad's puppet the whole time... I mean I persuaded him to invite your family too and he did bc you're rich but like... I know you hate stuff like that so you probably won't go..."

Alix can tell he's trying to get her to feel sorry enough for him that she'll agree to come along but she just says "well yeah sorry I'm busy on Sunday, anyway I gotta go" and leaves

When she gets home she sees that there are like 5 new dresses in her room and apparently they're gifts from the Gabriel fashion line so that she can promote them whenever she goes to any museum events in the future or whatever and she realizes that's why Adrien's father agreed to inviting her family to the thing, it was all for business

And she's super annoyed bc DRESSES ARE SO IMPRACTICAL WHEN YOU WANNA SIT LIKE A COWBOY OR GO ROLLERSKATING OR CLIMBING TREES OR DOING ANYTHING EVER

That night she's supposed to be asleep but is probably playing 3DS Smash Bros or something when there's a tap on her window

She looks outside to see Chat Noir there and she opens it like "it's like 11PM wth are you doing here" and he's like "I really need to talk to you about your watch and I can't let anyone see or hear, can we go up to the roof of your house and you bring your watch"

She's like "I'm in my pyjamas" and he's like "that's literally an oversized tshirt and shorts" and she's like "well it's comfortable okay! But fine k tell me whatever it is" so she takes the watch and he uses his baton to take her to the roof

Then he's like "k well as you know I'm a magical superhero and I get my powers from this ring, well my kwami is the one who gives my ring the power to turn me into Chat Noir - basically a tiny little god that looks like a lil flying cat, his name is Plagg and he eats too much cheese. Well he thinks he has some details on your watch and why it's connected to my baton but he has to have a look at it to be sure. And to do that I'm gonna have to detransform and show you my civilian self. But you have to promise to keep it a secret bc I'm not really supposed to tell anyone (but I trust you...)"

She's like "uh okay sure"

Chat's like "Plagg, detransform me" and then he turns back into Adrien

 Alix is like "omg ADRIEN???????????" and he's like "haha yup it's me..." and she's like "but you're... you're in my class how could you possibly be Chat Noir??????" and he's like "well I've never been akumatized and I'm never around during akuma attacks and I'm always turning up late to class and..."

She's like "ok... whoa.... well um... that was very unexpected... wait a second, is that why you were being so nice to me at school today? Bc you saw me at the Louvre on Friday and you knew how upset I was??" and he's like "kinda... I mean I probably would have guessed you were upset about it anyway bc I do know how it feels..."

Then Plagg darts out of Adrien's shirt-jacket thing like "can I either get a look at that watch now or gimme cheese either is fine" and Alix is like "omg is this the kwami thing you were talking about? Omg this is hella rad actually"

She opens the watch and Plagg has a close look at it, then he's like "yup that's what I thought, this is Rania's watch" and Alix is like "Rania? Who's Rania? Omg is she one of my ancestors?"

Plagg's like "yeah probably. Basically Rania was a previous owner of the cat miraculous - a Chat Noire in the late 19th and early 20th century. She was the youngest kid in a huge watchmaking family and wasn't set to inherit anything at all so she raised a storm about it and then when she turned 15 her father gave her this watch he made specially for her. Since she had a pretty active lifestyle for a young lady back then she did a bit of tinkering and linked this watch up to the baton so that she always had a way of tracking it down in case she lost it."

Alix is like "aaaahhh omg that's so cool??? My ancestor was an actual Chat Noire??? And my own classmate is the current Chat Noir??? Okay I was having a bad week but I think you just changed that bc this is so fricking awesome holy moly thank you"

Plagg's like "k can I have cheese now" and Adrien's like "fine" *gives him Camembert* (I love Camembert too btw it tastes so flipping good)

Then Alix is like "wait but Adrien doesn't your schedule keep you hella busy all the time? How do you have time for saving Paris too??" and he's like "idk honestly, it's a nightmare sometimes... at least being Chat Noir is fun and I get to hang out with Ladybug a lot so that makes it worth it"

Alix is like "you know what... I'll go to your gala thing on Sunday" and Adrien's like "srsly you don't have to if you don't want to!" and she's like "I'm not just leaving you to the mercy of Chloé on what should be your day off when you're always having to deal with akumas she causes all the time, I'm gonna go and that's final" and he's like "thank"

Then she's like *looking at watch* "I guess the youngest child rule makes sense now, if Rania was the first to get the watch and she was salty about being the youngest and not inheriting anything..."

Plagg's like *stops suddenly in the middle of eating cheese* "what youngest child rule?" and Alix is like "the rule that the watch passes to the youngest child on their 15th birthday"

Plagg's like "huh I don't remember that being a rule... I mean it was a long time ago but I THINK Rania gave the watch to Leila... her OLDEST child..." and Alix is like "that can't be right bc my dad told me that..." *suddenly remembers her dad seems to think Jalil's an idiot* "wait... are you SURE she gave the watch to her oldest child"

Plagg's like "nah I'm not sure and I was put in stasis not long after that but I think she did, anyway there'll be some record of it somewhere bc she used to keep a diary, and if your family is as historical as Adrien says it is then maybe they'll still have her diaries somewhere"

Alix is like "well Jalil's the person I'll have to ask about that... thank you anyway... I should probably actually get to sleep now but uh good luck with the superhero stuff and I'll see you at school tomorrow"

 Adrien transforms back into Chat Noir and puts her back in her room and then leaves

The next morning before school she's like "Jalil can you pls help me out with something?" and he's like "I would love to but I have a project due at the end of this week and I'm already behind, I haven't slept all night and I'm on my 6th cup of coffee so uh can this wait til next week" and she's like "sure omg get some sleep you nerd"

She also tells her dad she'll go to the gala on Sunday and he's like "what brought about this sudden change of heart?" and she's like "well my friend Adrien's gonna be there so..." and he's like "ohhhh I see, well, if you like him then..." and she's like "NO NOT LIKE THAT" *the aro ace-ness begins*

Anyway at school that week she's usually never really had friends and mostly kept herself to herself but she finds herself hanging out with Adrien a lot bc obviously she knows his secret now so they just kinda end up friends automatically (BROTP AMIRITE)

And Adrien is glad for someone he can confide in about superhero stuff (bc as much as Nino is A PURE AND AMAZING CINNAMON ROLL WHO IS TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD, he doesn't know his pal is Chat Noir) but he's also remembering her standing on the roof barefoot in her "pyjamas" with her messy hair and arms crossed and that smirk on her face and he can't stop thinking about it bc he's a sap

 And he tries to just convince himself he's just intrigued to find out more about her family drama about the watch and whether the youngest child rule is true or not... yeah it's totally that, definitely not anything else, and the fact that he really really likes hanging out with her now has absolutely nothing to do with it

He's even tempted to go visit her again as Chat Noir in the night but he doesn't do that bc he knows it would be weird (this ain't no Marichat fic okay) (well alright Adrienette does happen later but like... on the side)

On Friday Chloé practically drapes herself over his desk like "Adri-chouuuuuu, I can't wait for Sunday it's gonna be so fun, just the two of us amirite" and he's like "well actually the Kubdels are invited too so Alix will be there" and Chloé's like "........" *undrapes herself and then whispers in his ear* "Adrien, remember it's not too long now until your 16th birthday... only a few months... you have a decision to make... and yes I know about it..."

And he's like suddenly drenched in cold sweat and nervous for the rest of the day and no one knows why except Chloé, and he's just thinking "HOW DOES SHE KNOW ABOUT THE THING WHICH I HAVE TO DECIDE BY MY 16TH BIRTHDAY OMG"

 And meanwhile Chloé's internally like "well if everything goes according to plan then no one will ever find out I'm a lesbian, perfect"

(She's my problematic lesbian daughter and I love her)

Sunday arrives and the dad's like "Jalil you can stay at home bc you've had like 5 total hours of sleep this week, and Alix you should wear one of the dresses that was specifically sent for you, and if you don't want to then of course you could just not go"

And she's very seriously contemplating not going but she promised Adrien she would so she just puts on the least flashy dress and the smallest possible heels and then they go to the Agreste mansion

Chloé was already there and like clinging onto Adrien's arm but as soon as he sees Alix he pushes Chloé off and goes to say hi

He's immediately like "omg Alix do you want me to show you round my house bc you've only ever seen the dining room (that one time at Christmas)" and she's like k and her dad's like "that's a good idea but don't take too long"

Gabriel's like "Adrien you can just stay here we have people to show the guests round if they really want to see anything" and Adrien's like "that would be weird bc Alix is my classmate, it's fine I'll do it myself" so he takes her upstairs to show her his room

Also Chloé's like *raises eyebrow* *goes and stands outside the door of his room with a glass of juice waiting*

Anyway Alix is immediately like "dude wth you have a skate ramp in your room omg I would kill a person for one of those and omg a rock climbing wall I would kill 2 maybe 3 people for one of those and if I wasn't wearing a dress I would have already climbed it"

Adrien's like "haha yeah those are pretty fun... anyway if you really wanna see the house I'll show you but honestly that was just an excuse for us to get away from Chloé and all the boringness so we can hang out without anyone bothering us or having to pretend to be stuck up rich people"

Alix is like "ahh omg that was a good plan thank you... though I probably shouldn't stay here too long bc my dad gets annoyed when I goof off too much bc I do it all the time and I'm apparently supposed to start trying to behave like a responsible adult now"

And they talk for a while more about #richkidproblems but then they hear Nathalie knocking on the door like "Adrien??? Are you there???"

Adrien's like *whispering* "frick if she finds out I've just been slacking in here the whole time I'm gonna be in so much trouble, quick hide before she comes in" and he pulls her into The Ladrien Bathroom (yeah I call it that... for obvious reasons...) and shuts the door just as Nathalie opens the bedroom door to look inside

Those two hide behind the shower section (lol I'm laughing bc... remember the Shower Scene in Jackady... jeez Ladybug control ur thirst) in the corner against the wall completely silent

Nathalie opens the bathroom door to look but doesn't see anyone so she closes it and goes away again

Anyway bc they're super close to each other and there is a pretty adorable height difference Adrien's internally like "FRICK FRICK FRICK FRICK FRICK FRICK FRICK" and probably blushing too and his brain is screaming at him to move closer to her while also telling him not to and basically Adrien.exe has stopped working

And then she's like "uh... dude... are you gonna like... move or what..." *being obliviously aro ace like the darling she is* and Adrien.exe is still not responding so she just kinda awkwardly shoves him off her like "are you okay?"

He's like ".............uh-huh" and she's like "well you look like you've just eaten a chili or something" and he's like "nah it's just... is it me or is it hot in here?... hehe..."

She's like *still aro ace as heck like always* "it's just you. Anyway did you want anything else or should we head back now? I mean I've already been here long enough that I'm probably in trouble so..." and he's like "okay yeah let's head back..."

And internally he's realizing he's fallen for her and is highkey freaking out

They open the bathroom door to see Chloé standing there in the bedroom with an empty glass of juice and smirking evilly

She's like "well well well what do we have here..." and Adrien's like "I was totally just showing her round the house" and Chloé's like "that's funny bc I've been waiting outside your bedroom door since the second you went in, and you never left... must be really taking your time..."

Adrien's like "fine we were just bored okay? So we were hanging out in here instead... it's not a big deal... don't tell my dad..."

Chloé's like "oh don't worry I won't tell your dad you came in here bc you were bored... I think it'll be much more interesting if I tell both your parents - and everyone else while I'm at it - that you two are a couple, since I'm sure it's true anyway, ohohohohoho" *evil rich lady laugh* (I think it's called the noblewoman's laugh or something) and she runs off quickly

Adrien's like "welp I'm dead... are you dead???" and Alix is like "I think I'm partially dead... like I'm gonna be in so much trouble for messing around but then again my dad already thinks I was here just to hit on you... which I wasn't, btw, so don't worry" and Adrien's heart sinks just a tad

He's like "well my father was highkey hoping I would end up with Chloé, and I don't think he'd approve of me goofing off, and I just... yeah I'm definitely dead... idk how I'm gonna convince him Chloé's lying... well let's just get this over with..."

They go back to the atrium place or wherever and Gabriel's immediately like "Adrien can I talk to you" so he's like @himself "RIP Adrien" and goes off to talk to his father

And then Alix goes to her dad like "whatever Chloé told you was a lie okay you know what she's like" and her dad's like "hey it's okay if you're with Adrien, I was thinking it's about time you had a boyfriend I mean you'll be 16 soon right? But this is not the time nor the place to-" and she's like "Adrien is not my boyfriend omg!! He's just my friend! Chloé made that up bc she's a liar who likes messing with people's lives!"

Her dad's like "Fine I'll believe you but honestly if there's someone you like you can tell me, I'm not gonna be annoyed, but also stop going and hiding at the social events okay I know you hate it but if you want to hang out with your friend then just do it some other time" and she's like "k I'm sorry"

Meanwhile Adrien's talking to his dad and thinking "I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die..."

He first quickly says "Father I don't know exactly what Chloé told you but she might have been mistaken about..." and Gabriel's like "It doesn't matter what Chloé told me. Next time during one of these events you are staying by my side and are not allowed away without either Nathalie or your bodyguard accompanying you."

Adrien's like *le sigh* "yes father"

Then Gabriel's like "However... your 16th birthday is only a few months away. If you have not made a decision by the summer holidays then you know that Chloé Bourgeois will become the default choice. But... if you are wishing to explore other options before then, I will not be opposed to it. You know the guidelines."

Adrien's like *breaks out in a cold sweat again bc he was reminded of the thing* "yes, I see, thank you father..."

Gabriel's like "now let's get back to the gala, and this time you stay by my side. If you wish to talk to your friend... or girlfriend, if that's how it is... then you will do it in my presence until the event is over."

Adrien's like "well she's not my girlfriend but okay..." and they go back to the main room thing

Anyway Alix doesn't bother talking to him again for the rest of the thing except waving at him when she leaves later

When she gets home and into comfortable clothes she checks her phone and it's blown up with messages bc frickin Chloé really did tell everyone and they're all like "OMG IS THIS TRUE???" and Alix has to reply to a million people like "NO IT'S NOT TRUE CHLOÉ WAS JUST BEING A LYING JERK AS ALWAYS OKAY" and she doesn't even know if anyone believes her and she is NOT looking forward to school tomorrow

And sure enough the next day at school everyone keeps asking her about it and she's like "CHLOÉ'S A LIAR EVERYONE KNOWS THIS I MEAN OKAY SHE DOESN'T LIE AS MUCH AS LILA BUT STILL" and eventually most people believe her bc she's kinda scary lol

Adrien keeps sorta avoiding her bc he's trying super hard to not be crushing on her and she's like "????" about it and wondering why her friend won't talk to her today

She also starts feeling bad bc she knows she's bad at making friends so she wonders if she's done something wrong

At the end of the day he leaves the locker room super fast (even Nino's like "wut") and Alix gathers her stuff and quickly runs after him like "Adrien wait where are you going???" but when she gets to the street outside his limo is already leaving

She turns around and walks straight into Kim who's like "so tell me again how you and Adrien aren't a couple"

She's like "we're not, he's just my friend okay" and Kim's like "oh come on don't think I haven't noticed you two hanging out with each other all the time lately and always talking to each other, and you even went to his thing on the weekend with him even though you hate stuff like that, and now he's not talking to you for some reason"

Alix is like "yh idk why he's not talking to me but seriously he's just my friend okay!" and Kim's like "do you seriously actually promise he's just your friend and that you're not into him" and Alix is like *grabs the front of his hoodie and pulls him down to her level to yell at him and not noticing he's blushing* "yes for frick's sake that's what I told you, and anyway whether or not it's true, what does it mean to you? It's nothing to do with you so why do you even care so much??"

Kim is an idiot and just kisses her and then says "cause I like you" and runs off, meanwhile Alix is in shock and wondering whether or not she is justified in murdering him

Then on her way home she starts thinking about it like (yes finally here is where it starts getting obvious she's aro ace) she's thinking it's actually kinda flattering that Kim likes her? And she thinks that maybe if she dates him then she might end up liking him since that's what happens right? And he's considered conventionally hot right?

When she's at home she gets a phone call from him and he's like "aack I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that I'm an idiot and can we just pretend that never happened" and she's like "whatever it's no big deal just ask me next time k"

He's like "...next time?" and she's like "well since you said you like me I'm assuming that means you probably wanna kiss me again right?" (Internally "that's a normal people thing right?") and he's like "omg well... I mean... I don't really mind but like... I guess if you're okay with it then like... idk you could be my girlfriend or something idk just saying..."

She's like "sure why not" and he's like "omg really? I didn't actually expect you to say yes omg well okay should I like take you out to dinner or something?" and she's like "k sure"

When she gets back from dinner her father's back from work like "where were you" and she tells him and he immediately becomes #1 heartrate stan

Also she checks her phone and sees that Chloé has already told everyone that Alix and Kim are a couple bc she saw them kiss (bc it was like... out in the road it wasn't exactly easy to miss...) and this time she's like @everyone "yes Chloé's actually telling the truth this time lol"

And she tells Jalil about needing to find Rania's diaries and he says that all their old family items are in storage in the museum and he has the next two weeks off so he'll look for them once he gets back to work and Alix is like fine but she's impatient bc she cares more about finding out about that watch than anything else

The next day Chat Noir and Ladybug are patrolling at night and she's like "kitty you seem kinda off today, what's up"

Chat's like "oh it's nothing much, it's just this girl I like got with someone else, dw I'll get over it" and Ladybug's like *flirtily* "I thought you liked me" and he's like "yeah of course lol" and he remembers how much he does love Ladybug

He feels conflicted bc he knows he can never be with her bc of the Decision but he wishes he could at least have a chance

Since he isn't doing that great Ladybug tells him to go home early and she'll carry on by herself tonight

So he leaves and he detransforms into Adrien and he's walking back home when Ladybug drops down in front of him upside-down and is like *blushing* "h-hi Adrien what's up"

He (being oblivious and not realizing this is literally how Marinette talks to him) is like "lol nothing much haha..." and wonders why she treats him differently to how she treats Chat Noir

She asks if he needs her to accompany him home or something bc it's quite late and dark and he shouldn't be out alone and he's like "nah it's okay but thanks, I love you" and then he CAN'T BELIEVE HE JUST SAID THAT IT JUST SLIPPED OUT BC HE WAS TIRED

AND LADYBUG IS TAKEN ABACK

AND THEY'RE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER WITH THEIR FACES SUPER CLOSE

AND THEN LADRIEN SPIDERMAN KISS HELL YEAH

AND THEN LADYBUG'S LIKE "I LOVE YOU TOO" AND LEAVES

Meanwhile the next few weeks Alix is still wondering why Adrien won't talk to her that much but she tries to just forget about it

And she's always confused about why Kim wants to spend so much time with her??? Like yes they're dating but like doesn't he have a life of his own??? And no one else seems to think it's weird???

And she has a habit of zoning out when he's talking about mushy stuff and he eventually catches on (he was like "since you're so ridiculously smol you'd have to like stand on a chair to make out it'd be hilarious...") and says "you're not listening are you?" and she's like "yh of course I was!... okay fine I was thinking about my watch sorry"

And now you finally see her proper (very aro ace) internal thoughts about stuff - she's still confused bc she's just never been interested in people like everyone else? And she used to think maybe she was a lesbian but she had never been interested in girls either? And since she's 15 her hormones should be all over the place and they are but only in a mood swing way and not in a horny way? So she's thinking... why can't she fall in love like everyone else does?? Is she missing out on something?? Bc Kim seems to be happy...

Also at some point mention that she tells Kim her first kiss wasn't actually him (it was Juleka but she doesn't say bc she doesn't want to out her) and Kim is annoyed bc he was sure it would have been him lol

After some weeks Jalil gets back to work experience at the museum and he finds Rania's diaries but there's a heck ton to sort through so he says it might still take some time (basically I just need a buffer period... there needs to be time...)

And then on Friday afternoon he tells Alix to come to the museum after school bc he's found the relevant part of the diaries so she comes along (and so does Kim bc he's just kinda there lol)

Meanwhile their dad's in a meeting so they can look at it without him knowing

Basically it says that yes Rania gave the watch to Leila who was her oldest child, but that's because she wanted to make something special by herself for her younger daughter Anna so she made a cool engraved pen thing and decided she would give that to Anna on her 15th birthday instead

Also there's an old timey photograph of the pen and it looks really familiar for some reason

Anyway now Alix knows the youngest child rule is fake so she feels like she should confront her dad about it or at least ask him or whatever

Jalil's staying late at the museum today bc he has to catch up on the work he missed while he was looking for Rania's diaries so Alix takes Kim back to her house and she has like 2 hours to kill before her dad gets back

And she wants to do something cool like rollerskating but Kim suggests making out and she's like fine even though she finds it pretty boring (I told you she's aro ace)

Anyway when her dad gets back Kim leaves like "btw you can come over to mine later today if you want ;)"

Then Alix is like @her dad "can I ask you about something" and he's like "sure but why are you standing on a chair" and she's like "NO REASON" and quickly steps down

Then she's like "why did you give the watch to me instead of Jalil?" and he's like "bc it's passed down to the youngest child" and she's like "...but that's not true, is it..."

He's like "k fine but like... Jalil will probably inherit stuff anyway right? So why not give you something too?" and she's like "but he loves historical stuff, he would have loved the watch just as much as I do and would have had more to research with it"

He's like "well... I just thought... since the watch has to be passed down through the family, that... well... you would be more likely to actually have kids to pass it onto... because..."

She's just like "is this because Jalil is gay?" and her dad's like "wth how do you know???" and she's like "he told me when I was like 9... So you're saying you didn't give him the watch bc he's gay so he won't have kids... and what makes you so sure I'm not gay too??"

He's like "well I just took a chance that you wouldn't be and I was right bc you have a boyfriend! So yeah I'm relieved, the bloodline is unbroken and the watch can still be passed down for generations"

She's like "dad... are you disappointed in Jalil" and the dad's like *FRICKIN HESITATES FOR A SECOND* "no of course not"

Alix is like "........ I'm going to Kim's house" and her dad's like "k well don't get back too late, call Jalil to pick you up if you need a lift back bc I have to go for another meeting tonight also be responsible and have fun etc"

As she's on the way to Kim's house she's starting to feel ever so slightly broken bc she knows she's not straight and she doesn't love Kim but she doesn't know what she is or why she can't feel anything

And now that there's more pressure than ever on her to be straight so she can have kids to pass the watch onto since that was enough of a reason for her dad to not give the watch to Jalil... she hadn't even realized it was such a big deal and she feels guilty even though it's not her fault

She also knows her dad's probably somewhat disappointed in her already bc she's so temperamental and reckless etc and not really what you'd expect from a daughter and yet he still trusted her with the watch and she feels like she should at least manage to do something to make him proud since she feels like she's just an ungrateful burden who has never really done anything

So she decides she's gonna try her hardest to be straight now even though like the idea of doing stuff like getting married and having kids actually suffocates her

She gets to Kim's house and tells him what happened with the watch drama and then says she'd rather forget about it for now so why don't they like put on a movie or something (bc that way she doesn't have to put any effort into pretending to be romantic)

So Kim's like "k yeah I've got netflix so like... we could put on netflix ... and... yknow... chill..."

(this is why I wanted like 5 weeks inbetween bc he's not gonna just ask something like that after only 2 weeks no matter how much of a reckless idiot he is)

And Alix catches the euphemism and her first thought is "THAT'S GROSS EW" but then she remembers her earlier promise to herself and figures that if other people want to do it and think it's fun then surely there must be some appeal? And maybe it'll flip a switch and make her normal? So she's like "yeah sure"

But then afterwards she goes to the bathroom and throws up so like ... uh... yeah, poor aro ace child who is also sex-repulsed

She vows never to do that again in her life

And then Kim's like "you okay?" and she's like "yup gotta go" and he's like "but it's a hailstorm outside you could always wait til like after dinner or something" and she's like "NOPE I'M LEAVING" and gets outta there asap

Walking through the hail she knows she should probably call Jalil to pick her up but she doesn't feel like talking to anyone so she just trudges along feeling VERY broken and VERY sorry for herself

She knows it didn't fix her and if anything it just made her more averse to the idea of ever being with anyone and she can't figure out why she's so heartless and prudish and she just highkey wants to die bc she feels like she'll never live up to anything she's supposed to be

Ladybug suddenly sees her like "omg Alix what are you doing in this hailstorm?? You should get to shelter!" and Alix is like "idc..."

Ladybug uses her yoyo to make a shield to block the hail like an umbrella and asks "yo what's wrong" and Alix is like "I did something really stupid and I regret it and I really hate myself right now" and Ladybug's like "aw it's okay, here, I'll take you home" and she picks her up and yoyos her back to her house

Alix goes in and Jalil sees her there drenched and shivering and he's like "omg Alix you could have asked me to pick you up??" and she just starts crying so he wraps her in a warm towel and makes soup for her

He's like "what happened?" and she's like "I don't wanna talk about it"

He's like "did Kim break up with you or something?" and she's like "no nothing like that he did nothing wrong it's something else but seriously I don't wanna talk about it, just let it go" and instead she tells him about the real reason their dad didn't give the watch to him

Jalil's like "k that makes sense thanks for telling me..."

The whole of the next day Alix spends in her room being emo and ignoring any messages Kim sends her bc she doesn't want to think about anything even though she knows she probably should talk to him at least once

Then on Sunday Max calls her up like "oi why are you ignoring Kim omg just go talk to him!!" and she's like "k fine... I was totally just busy haha... yeah... busy..." and Max is like "he went out for a run to that padlock bridge place so why don't you just go meet him there" so Alix is like k and skates there

Kim sees her and he's like "omg there you are! Are you okay??" and she's like (lying) "yeah I'm fine dw I was just busy and stuff"

He's like "k I'm glad to hear that... anyway uh actually I was gonna say that like... honestly it seems like you're always bored or not interested and stuff so like idk maybe we should just be friends instead if that makes you happier bc seriously you just seem like you're not interested in me so..."

She's like *remembers her dad is #1 heartrate stan* "wait what no! Haha of course I'm totally like head over heels for you... definitely..." and he's like "you're not a very good liar"

She's like "okay fine... fine I don't like you like that, I think you're cool but I'd rather be your friend... it's just..." *deep breath bc she's never told anyone before* "I figured out lately that I'm not exactly... straight... and idk what I am but like... I thought maybe dating you would kinda... idk... fix it? And bc I also found out that thing I told you about the watch, so if I'm not straight then I'll let my family down... and I'm sorry for like... using you I guess? Idk... I'm just really confused right now about myself..."

Kim hugs her and he's like "It's okay dw, I'll support you no matter what and we can still be great friends okay? In fact tbh I'm... I'm actually bisexual but I've only ever told Max... but yeah you're awesome and if you ever need anything then just ask me okay" and she's like "thanks, yeah let's just be friends that's better"

(lol you can tell this is my brotp can't you)

Anyway when Alix tells her dad she broke up with Kim he's like "but heartrate is my otp..." lol

And yeah next week at school everyone finds out idk it doesn't matter that much tbh

Then at some point Adrien is called to talk to his father about something important and he's thinking "ack what have I done now..."

Gabriel's like "son it's not long til your 16th birthday and we have to start making preparations for stuff which means I need you to make your decision soon. As you know it's family tradition that sons must be betrothed to someone by their 16th birthday, and since our family is wealthy you would do well to choose another wealthy suitor which is why the default choice has been Chloé Bourgeois since you were a young child. Now in order to make proper preparations you will need to make your final decision by the end of the school year."

Adrien's internally like "why can't we have cool family traditions like passing down a frickin hologram watch..." and externally like "but I don't want to marry Chloé, please father just let me have more time" and Gabriel's like "sorry son but there is nothing I can do, this is what your mother would have wanted"

Adrien knows he hasn't talked to his friend in a while but he suddenly remembers that she's single now so he's like "wait father... you said it has to be someone wealthy right? Would Alix Kubdel count?" and Gabriel's like "yes but she and her family must agree to it"

So Adrien decides he'll ask her bc he kinda still likes her and it's better than Chloé

Mostly he wishes he knew who Ladybug was and that she was rich and loved him back so he could just marry her

Meanwhile Kim asked out Max and they got together (bc kimax is life and also this story was seeming a little too straight for my liking so far... despite the title...) and Alix is starting to feel lonely again bc now she feels like a third wheel when hanging out with them so she doesn't

And she's back to having no real friends and it kinda hurts bc she thinks maybe she's just doomed to be bad at dealing with people in general

Also she's still feeling like something is very, very wrong with her since she just CAN'T fall in love with anyone even though everyone else seems to and now even when she makes new friends they leave her and she just feels alone and unhappy and doesn't know what to do

Jalil brought Rania's diaries home so she starts reading through them and at least it's some consolation for her to discover that Rania was very similar to her - fiery, impulsive, sporty, etc

But she still feels broken bc she knows that at least Rania got married and had kids so at least she must have been normal...

K so on some weekend or something Adrien calls up Alix like "uh can we meet up? I need to talk to you about something" and she's like "yeah sure" *glad that her old friend is back*

They go for a walk and stop by at Marinette's bakery for snacks (#letadrieneat2k16) (2k17??) and Marinette's all like stuttering and blushing and dropping stuff bc ADRIEN EEP

And then they go hang out in the park or something

Alix is like "it's weird how Marinette's always like that around you but no one else" and Adrien's like "yeah that's been confusing me too, idk why she does that" and Alix is like "maybe Chat Noir should ask her about it, hint hint" and Adrien's like "huh that's a good idea"

Then Adrien's like *deep breath* "okay and also I have to ask you about something... and it's really weird and awkward but um... basically my family has a family tradition too except my one is stupid, it's that the sons have to be betrothed to someone by the time they turn 16, I know it's really old-fashioned and stupid, but my mum wanted me to and I should honour her memory... Anyway my father says it has to be someone from a rich family, and ever since I was little Chloé has been the default choice and I don't really want to get engaged to her for obvious reasons haha... so I need to choose someone else and soon... so I was thinking... um..."

Alix is like "you want me to help you find a cute rich girl before you turn 16? Sure" (god she's so aro ace I'm going to cry)

Adrien's like "well actually... to tell the truth I've kinda liked you for a while... and you're rich... and I asked my father and he's fine with it... so I was wondering... if I could choose you instead?"

And it takes like 10 seconds to sink in and she's like "wait are you basically asking me to marry you?" and he's like "...well yeah I guess"

She suddenly feels incredibly guilty bc she knows if she says no then that'll doom Adrien to a life with Chloé but she CAN'T say yes bc the idea of being with someone like that for the rest of her life makes her feel sick to her stomach and she doesn't know if that makes her selfish but she's also upset bc she thought her friend was properly back but he just wanted to talk to her about this and it's ruined everything

And she knows saying yes would be what she'd do if she was perfect etc bc that would make Adrien and his family happy and her own family would be happy but she JUST CAN'T BECAUSE IT MAKES HER WANT TO KILL HERSELF

Adrien's like "btw you don't have to decide now I've still got like 2 weeks" but she says "I'm sorry Adrien BUT I JUST CAN'T OKAY, I JUST WANTED TO HAVE A FRIEND, I'M SORRY BUT I DON'T LIKE YOU LIKE THAT AND I KNOW I NEVER WILL" and leaves and goes back home and locks herself in her room and has a breakdown

Later Adrien's wishing he wasn't rich and he wishes his mother was still here and he wishes life was easier for him etc

He remembers Alix's suggestion about going to see Marinette as Chat Noir so even though it's late night now he transforms and goes to see her

(bet you weren't expecting a Marichat balcony scene, huh? Surprise!)

He knocks on the roof thing and Marinette opens it like "omg Chat Noir? What are you doing here? Is an akuma after me or something?"

He's like *surprised bc it's true she treats him differently to Adrien* "no I just wanted to talk to you about something, someone asked me to" so she's like k and they go out on the balcony to have a chat

He's like "so you know Adrien Agreste right? I believe he's a classmate of yours... Anyway he talked to me bc he's worried that he's doing something wrong. You still seem to treat him differently from how you treat everyone else, and he's wondering if you're still upset about the gum incident, or..."

Marinette's like "oh no, nothing like that! I forgave him for that a long time ago! It's actually, well, it's kinda stupid haha... I actually have a MASSIVE crush on him and I'm just really bad at talking to him bc I get flustered around him, that's all!"

Chat Noir's like "omg wait... you have a crush on Adrien??? Really???" and she's like "yeah!!" and he's like *suddenly realizing how cute Marinette is when she laughs* "well... I think you should ask him out..." and she's like "haha I'm trying..."

Then he's like "um I gotta go" and quickly leaves

He's hanging around the rooftops just thinking to himself that he never even let himself consider Marinette as someone to fall in love with bc he always thought maybe she didn't really like him so he always considered her out of his league

And now that he knows she likes him he suddenly can't get her out of his head and he just wishes she was rich bc that would be perfect but since she isn't rich he probably shouldn't get his hopes up bc how could he have a chance with her now...

He bumps into Ladybug who's like "hey kitty kat what's up" and he's immediately like "I just found out that there's this girl who has a crush on my civilian self and I think I'm starting to fall for her so yeah, that's what's up"

And he notices the colour draining from Ladybug's face and he's like "omg are you okay?? What happened??"

She grabs his shoulders and looks him in the eye like "is the girl you're talking about Marinette Dupain-Cheng???" and he's like "yeah how did you know?"

She's like "omg ADRIEN??? IT'S YOU??? YOU'RE CHAT NOIR??????????????" and he's like "wait what?? How did you figure that out?? I mean I am but..." *suddenly dawns on him* "omg... wait... don't tell me that YOU'RE MARINETTE??????????????"

They both stand there staring at each other in complete shock for several long seconds

Finally Chat suddenly smiles and he's like "I'm so glad that out of everyone it could be, it's you... Marinette..."

He detransforms and stands there in front of her as Adrien and she's still staring at him in shock

Then she very softly says "Tikki, detransform me" and turns into Marinette and still stands there staring

Then she jumps forward and wraps him in a huge hug

Also Tikki and Plagg are like "yoooooooooooo I haven't see you in years!!!!!!!" and totally hanging out too

That very night even though it's really late Adrien goes to his father and asks him "please I have something really important to ask... for my decision... what about Marinette Dupain-Cheng?? I know she isn't rich, but... PLEASE consider it..."

Gabriel's like "oh yes of course she'll do, she is an EXCELLENT fashion designer you know, she has a lot of talent and I would be glad to have someone like her to be a part of the family and run the company after me"

Adrien can barely believe his ears and he runs into his room and screams into his pillow bc finally he feels like he actually has a chance to have a good life that isn't always restricted all the time

The next day he meets up with her at the bakery and he gets down on one knee like "will you marry me" and she's like "um ily Adrien but I'm 15 and so are you... I don't even think we CAN legally get married yet..."

He explains the betrothal thing and that he doesn't have much time left but he'll understand if she says no bc it's a lot of pressure but she's like "well of course I say yes but I'll have to ask my parents haha"

She asks them and they talk to Gabriel Agreste and everything gets sorted out and the engagement party is planned for Adrien's birthday

At school they tell everyone while handing out the invitations and Adrien was worried Chloé was gonna be upset but she's like "Adrien I'm so happy you're gonna get to marry someone you really care about!" Then she whispers at him "btw I'm a lesbian so don't worry about having broken my heart or anything hehe" and he's like "whoa... okay... I didn't see that coming..."

Also Alix is like "I thought you said you had to marry someone rich" and he's like "my father made an exception for Marinette bc she's a fashion designer like him" and Alix is like "well I'm super happy for you... and SUPER relieved..."

But she knows now she's probably never getting her friend back properly, ever

Months later at the engagement party all the classmates are there and super happy to support Adrienette becoming canon (same omgggg it's my otp couldn't you tell)

The wedding won't be for years yet at least bc they're way too young lol but Gabriel's already started planning it

And Marinette designed outfits for all her classmates to wear today so they're all wearing those

Poor Alix is in a dress again, save her, anyway she's trying to feel happy but she really can't help feeling rotten bc at this point she has no friends and seeing Adrienette happen just reminds her of how she's not normal or whatever and she can't figure it out

Also by this time other class couples are together too like djwifi and Julerose and everyone's using this occasion as a celebration of romance etc kinda like Valentine's Day except on a different day (idk when Adrien's birthday is but I'm guessing some point later in the year) so that pretty much just makes her feel extra broken bc she can't get away from any of it

She goes to the bar like "gimme an entire bottle of the strongest stuff you have" and the person's like "uh how old are you??" and she's like "... 25" and puts a giant wad of banknotes on the table so the person's like "... okaaaay, here" and gives her a big bottle of something idk

He's like "you should probably dilute it with water though" and she's like "don't tell me what to do" and takes it and starts to walk off

Then Nathaniel sees her and he's like "uh I don't think you should drink that..." and she's like "I don't give a crap" and heads outside by herself

It's dark and quiet out here bc atmosphere lol

Anyway she takes a sip but it tastes disgusting like bleach mixed with rotted grape juice and she's so annoyed she just smashes the entire thing on the ground and then just sits there highkey wanting to die

Nathaniel comes along like "whoa what happened here" and she's like "WHAT DO YOU WANT" and he's like "I just wanna know what's wrong..." and sits down beside her

She's like "fine... it's just I think there's something wrong with me - no actually I KNOW there is, I can just never do anything right, I can't be normal like I'm supposed to and I just keep letting everyone down. My dad already hates that his daughter isn't exactly a Rose-type airy fairy princess and I just never fit in and I'm terrible at doing what I'm told and maybe I'm just being selfish and I should try to change? But I have tried and it doesn't work, I just can't be who I'm supposed to... and... even worse... I'm just completely heartless..." *starts crying* "Everyone around me always seems to be in love with someone all the time and they make it sound so nice and happy and I don't know what I'm missing out on bc I've never felt that way about anyone! And I really have tried but I just can't, it just never works and idk why, maybe I'm just broken or something, there's something wrong with me. I mean I can't even make friends properly and I don't want to be lonely but idk what to do... Something is very, very wrong with me, Nath, and I've tried so hard to fix it but I can't, I just can't do anything right, and I'm a 15 year old I should have liked at least someone by now, my hormones are supposed to be all over the place! But I just don't! I'm a failure! And don't try to tell me I'm not!"

Nath's like "... maybe you're just... aromantic" and she's like "aromantic???" and he's like "yeah, it just means you don't get romantically attracted to people. It's uncommon, sure, but there's nothing wrong with it, being aro just means you're different that's all, and it doesn't mean you can't care about people in other ways"

She's like "... there's a word for that??? Aromantic??? It's a real thing???" and he's like "yeah you should look it up, there's a pride flag for it and everything"

She's like "omg... so there's nothing wrong with me, I'm just... aromantic... omg... wait are you aromantic too?"

He's like "nah I get crushes on people... I am asexual though" and she's like "isn't that a biology thing??" and he's like "yeah but also it means I don't get sexually attracted to people... sounds kinda gross if you ask me though I won't judge anyone for wanting to do it..."

She's like "omg there's a word for that too??? I just thought my hormones were way off whack or something..." and he's like "nah there's nothing wrong with being ace too, or aro ace, if that's what you are, I promise you aren't broken for not wanting romance or sex, you're just different that's all, and there ARE other people like you out there"

She's like "but can you still be ace if you've had sex with someone?" and he's like "yeah of course..." and she's like "omg so this whole time, I thought something was wrong with me, but I was just aro ace... and it's a real thing... whoa... omg thank you so so so much Nath" and she suddenly hugs him

He's like "no problem, it took me a while to come to terms with it too hehe. Anyway I brought you some of the engagement cake, do you want it? Cake is apparently the symbolic ace food" and she's like "omg thanks" and starts eating the cake

And he's like "btw... I get the whole not being able to make friends thing. I can't either. I'm just... idk I'm too shy I guess... I've never really had a close friend before... especially not in this class..." and she's like "well you've just made a new friend, and she's wondering why she never tried to make friends with you before" and he's like "omg ahh really? Thanks"

They sit there eating cake for a while and then Nath's like "I feel like drawing... sorry I draw all the time lol..." and he pulls a sketchpad and pen out of his pocket

Alix sees the pen and she's like "wait a second, that looks really familiar... omg it's Anna's pen??? From that picture I saw in Rania's diary???" and he's like "what?"

She's like "do you have a really old ancestor called Anna by any chance" and he's like "oh idk... I think when I was younger I remember going to the funeral of my great-grandma Anna..." and she's like "where did you get that pen from??" and he's like "it was a birthday present from my dad when I turned 15, apparently it's an antique, my grandad used to own it too but it somehow still works"

She's like "omg I found the other descendant of Rania??? This is SO COOL! Omg dude we are really distantly related!!!" and she explains and shows him the watch

He's like "omg what are the odds of that?? That's awesome!!"

And yeah for the first time in a while, she actually feels pretty good

It's an unspecified amount of time later and she's on the roof again with Adrien and Plagg

Adrien's like "so you're aro ace... I'm really happy for you that you know now"

Plagg's like "I didn't know the term existed but I can tell you with complete certainty that Rania was aro ace too, she hated stuff like that"

Alix is like "I know, I've finished reading her diaries now. She got married to her friend bc she was expected to but she refused to let it go anything beyond friendship, and then when there was pressure to have kids she adopted Leila and Anna, saying that there were too many poor orphans in the world who need taking care of to have more kids. Which means that I'm not even biologically descended from Rania, which means that my dad's point about the watch having to stay in the bloodline is completely null and he could totally have given the watch to Jalil. But anyway I don't care what my dad says, in the future I'll give it to some cool kid on their 15th birthday - maybe yours and Marinette's, if you ever have kids lol"

Adrien's like "we probably will... She's so awesome I love her so much... I don't know how I never realized it before, Marinette's just absolute perfection, she's so sweet and wonderful and pretty and just everything I ever wanted..."

He goes on and on being all lovey dovey and Alix just grins and grabs a bit of Camembert and mutters "I'm too aro ace for this"