#I’m crying tears of joy for Anne and crying tears of angst and despair for myself
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Reading Persuasion for the first time and just finished reading Captain Wentworth’s letter…. brb sobbing
#ok crying#I AM HALF AGONY HALF HOPE#I HAVE LOVED NONE BUT YOU#LIKE#HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE OKAY AFTER READING THAT#AND HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO EVER FIND LOVE AGAIN#LET ALONE FALL IN LOVE WITH ANYONE EVER AGAIN#AFTER READING THAT?!#I’m crying tears of joy for Anne and crying tears of angst and despair for myself#(clearly I am still grieving my first and thus far only love)#but will I get a story like Anne and Wentworth??#do I even WANT to be with my ex again???#after EVERYTHING??#it’s easy to just say he’s a willoughby but my god this book has brought SO many feelings out#I see so much of myself in both Anne and wentworth#and I can’t help but imagine (or maybe I’m just fantasizing) that my ex would see a lot of himself in Anne or even wentworth too#aaaaaaaaaaa#extra feels bc I first started this book right before I got broken up with#(re: ghosted :/)#SO many feelings#SO much angst#but I am SO happy for Anne and wentworth#I just wish it didn’t give me weird delulu ideas#it’s much easier to hate him for what he did than imagine us having a love like this#I’m oversharing bc I know no one is gonna read it anyway (thank god)#except me in a few years from now lol#hopefully I will be able to look back on this current version of myself#with love and kindness#and be like “wow I really used to feel like that huh#and hopefully future me will only remember (and not continue to live in) the grief that I still carry today
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