#I’m aware the US is an absolutely enormous place lol but you know people move about and such. It’s not IMPOSSIBLE

[castielmacleod]

Another thing I love to think about with Anna Milton is the fact that she’s a journalist (or at least majored in journalism but like. She presumably became one). I love thinking about this because THEE Cassie Robinson is also a journalist, and there is nothing at all to say that she and Anna couldn’t have worked for the same paper at one point or another.

[asleepinawell]

How has poi changed your life? Genuinely curious, I love this show

I got this ask in May '20 and am only now answering it. :')

part of the problem with answering it is that half of the answer would be to the question of 'how has fandom changed your life' where poi is the fandom I've been the most active in and where fandom made the most difference. and that's a long story

my first draft of this was over 2k words long, and went back much further in time explaining how i had and hadn’t fit into queer spaces and fandom throughout my life. I edited it way back but it’s still long-ish, so you can read it below the break

many years ago, when I got my first full time job in my chosen industry my senior year of college I was so busy that I couldn't function. massive unhealthy amounts of overtime and a toxic work environment. (don't work at tech start-ups, kids!!!) my social life vanished. strikethrough on livejournal happened right then too and fandom, which i’d only been a silent participant in at that point, kind of went quiet for a while and by the time it started regrouping I was so busy that I didn't know about it. several awful years later I quit my job, spent several months in my room in my parents' house trying to recover from massive burn out (see my comment about tech start-ups), and then got a job on the opposite coast and left behind my whole circle of friends some of whom made up my entire connection to the queer community at that time.

making friends after college is very hard when you're an introvert and just generally don't like socializing that much. making queer friends can be even harder since there's fewer places to meet them and there's often an underlying question of dating/sex that hovers around awkwardly when sometimes what you want is just an absolutely no romo/no sex friendship. so while I did make a few queer friends eventually, I didn't have that same sort of community I did before I'd moved and I missed it

(I would be remiss in not saying that the queer friends i made in this time are all amazing and wonderful and some are still my close friends and very important to me. The thing I’m highlighting here was the lack of feeling like I was part of a larger queer community).

fast forward a bit. I get sick. like really really sick. I'm in and out of the ER, I'm missing tons of work, I'm mostly bed-ridden. I think after the last few years people can more easily appreciate how intensely lonely and surreal being stuck at home by yourself non stop can be when you're not used to it. sometime right before that I'd joined tumblr for the sole purpose of looking at cat pictures on my phone during boring meetings. I wasn't really aware that this was where fandom had migrated to (it was in fact possible to use tumblr without intersecting with fandom). but stuck home alone with time to kill I started looking for art and gifs of the tv and games I was consuming and stumbled into fandom tumblr and specifically queer femslash fandom.

I kind of poked around the territory and eventually fell into the carmilla fandom which became the first fandom I actually created content for. a few of my fics had a decent audience and while I was never part of the central core of the fandom I made some good friends there. some of y'all probably followed me back then. I eventually drifted away from carmilla for a lot of reasons I won't get into and stumbled right into poi. this would have been between seasons 4 and 5, late 2015-early 2016.

my health problems get more exciting and I end up in the hospital. I have vague memories of watching poi on my laptop in my hospital bed (vague because I was on a lot of morphine). I actually posted some fic while I was in the hospital (would have been the end of my carmilla run still).

and I get out of the hospital (early 2016) and am somewhat better but it's pretty clear that I'm going to have chronic health issues probably for the rest of my life. my social life, such as it was, was mostly dead, a lot of stuff I used to do for fun was much harder to manage. I'm still spending a ton of time at home (not even counting covid) and I have bad days where I feel terrible and can't do much. but I'll come back to that

I think most of us remember 2016. the year tv show runners fully embraced the bury your gays trope (and sometimes the fridging trope at the same time as a bonus!) and, by autostraddle's tally, 30 queer female characters in tv shows died. and then on top of that we had the actual real world tragedy of the pulse nightclub shootings. it was a massively depressing time all around for queer people

s5 of poi aired that year. I know people have different opinions on s5 of poi, and that's valid. I hated it. and I really intensely hated how it treated root and shaw. there aren't enough words to express how fucking angry I was after s5. or rather, there are 319,678 words.

I wrote a fic many of you may have read called sliding towards chaos that rewrote the entirety of poi from mid-s3 onwards. it got pretty popular lol. I put so much into writing it, too. it was basically a second full time job for me and a great way to take my mind off the fact I was still having health problems and all the crazy shit going on in the world (we had a presidential election in the US in 2016 :)))) it did not go well!)

i'm very proud of writing stc, and even if I think it isn't my strongest writing (which is good! improving over time is good!), it was what really connected me to a lot of other people in the fandom. I felt part of the fandom community in a way I hadn't with carmilla and it was an intensely queer community built around shared interests

one of the problems with finding queer friend groups out in the 'real world' is you're often gathering to meet based on the uniting factor of being queer, and your interests may vary greatly. fandom is amazing because it lets you find queer people who you share all these interests with and who you can bond with over them and collaborate with and that's just so so important. does fandom have a ton of issues and toxicity and bigotry? yes, absolutely. but it also has so much good to offer

through stc and later fics I became close friends with some really really cool people in the fandom (including my favorite writer and my favorite artist). these are people I'm still very close friends with. some of them I've hung out with offline and the ones I haven't are mostly because they live too far away. after years of not having my own queer circle of friends I have found one again and one I can usually participate in even with my health problems and that is such an important thing to me

on a creative front, the fic writing and the gif making I've done have both taught me an enormous amount and been a very positive part of my life. working collaboratively on comics has been one of the coolest things I've done. there is just so much good that came out of me seeing one shoot gif on tumblr dot com years ago and being like hmm looks gay I'm in

and in terms of the actual content of the show, I think a lot of the reason I was drawn to it (other than my lingering crush on fred from angel) was that root and shaw felt so uniquely and wonderfully queer in a way few f/f ships I'd seen had before. shaw being bi and reading as aro to me (I've talked about that here) and root being a chaotic computer nerd just felt so relatable to me and their relationship with each other made sense to me in a way that few others had. and the specific draw that they had for some fans probably has a lot to do with why I found friends in this fandom who I really clicked with

so yeah. I don't know how to sum this up. fandom can be a great way to find your people and engage your creativity and I think that's very sexy

[lovelykhaleesiii]

drabble of boyfriend!Bucky getting insecure when one of Tony's rich, confident, and charming clients flirts with you?

OMG YES! my poor heart

You’d been with Bucky for while now, 5 years to be exact. You loved him with your absolute heart, and genuinely knew that this was the man you’d wanted to spend the rest of your life with. He knew that, you’d constantly remind him… But still, you can’t deny, Bucky is definitely the jealous type. 

He gets irritated by the fact that your work requires you to constantly socialise with clients, always needing to meet new people, and most importantly remain on their good side. On multiple occasions, especially whenever you find yourself having a petty argument with Bucky over his fixation on this: you’d remind him that these interactions mean nothing, that it’s all part of the job, but still a part of him can’t seem to agree. 

And it’s events like this that don’t help either… 

You’d told Bucky moments ago that you’d quickly fetch to the bar to refill your drinks: it was the least you could do after an exhausting mission he’d just had hours ago. There you sat by the busy bar, patiently awaiting for the refills when you felt a hand slightly caressing down your shoulder. You knew immediately that it wasn’t Bucky… You’d grown so accustomed to his touch. And yet still you froze completely, the touch was so foreign. 

“Tony never told me, how gorgeous his new assistant was? The name’s Mark,” extending out the hand that had so invasively touched you, you felt no guilt in ignoring his move. 

“Tough girl you are. Don’t wanna give us a chance?” 

He was cocky, and he looked rich: poor attempt at charming you, must have been a little tipsy, from the reeking smell of whiskey lingering on his breath. Definitely must have been an old-time friend of Tony’s… Only he knew people like that. Nonetheless, you let out a sly chuckle, in disbelief guys like this, still existed. You were repulsed to say the least.

“There is nor will there ever be an us, asshole.” 

And as if on que, the bartender so kindly returned the drinks to you, before attending to others awaiting by the bar. 

As you stormed off, you had a feeling Bucky witnessed the entire thing. He had sweet habit of watching you whenever you left, making sure he had a clear view of wherever you were in the distance, just to make sure no harm came your way… Well, according to the man himself. 

But this time was different, as you were walking back to the place you’d last left Bucky in the company of his fellow Avengers, your pace gradually came to a halt when you’d realised Bucky was missing. Hastily placing the drinks down onto the table, without even having the need to ask, Steve exclaimed Bucky left to bed, and without even asking for an explanation, you left retracing his steps to your shared room. 

***

“Bucky, baby, can I come in?” 

Without a reply, knowing well-aware Bucky was in no rush to sleep, the door had opened to a glum looking super soldier at your door. 

You slowly walked in, your eyes set in stone, focused on Bucky, as you gracefully wrapped your arms around his neck. 

“Babe, why’d you leave so suddenly? Did someone say something?” 

It took him a while to gain the confidence to speak, he couldn’t even properly maintain eye contact, and that was never his weakest pursuit. You sense some sort of hesitation, as if he were hiding something. 

“C’mon Buck, what’s wrong?” 

“It was just… I saw you, with that guy by the bar. I just couldn’t stop myself from thinking, just maybe you’d be you know- better off without me. If I’m being honest Y/N, maybe I’m just not what you deserve, you know?” 

His words stung. It pained you enormously to hear Bucky thinking this way, doubting that he’d be the one “not good enough” in this relationship. He couldn’t have been more wrong… 

“Bucky, that’s absolute nonsense-” You shook your head in absolute disproval of his confession.

“I’ve chosen to be with you, and only you. There is no other guy that could exist in this world, that could ever make me feel the way you do… It should be that I don’t deserve you… You really have no idea just how lucky I am, huh Buck?” 

“No Y/N… You have no idea. You’re the most incredible thing that’s ever happened to me in my century or so of living.” 

You couldn’t help but laugh. Without even a moment to spare, your bright smile was reassuringly met with Bucky’s lips, as you both intimately kissed. 

Bucky was your one and only, and that was for certain. 

[miserelysia]

“I Watched the Artemis Fowl Movie and It Made Me Very Upset” Liveblog!

So I decided I had to subject myself to this movie despite being Extremely Aware that it’s a massive pile of firey garbage. It was about as painful as expected, so I liveblogged to keep my sanity. Here’s basically what happened in my head while I was watching:

Josh Diggums: I feel so bad for Josh Gad's voice because it's painfully obvious they just didn't want Olaf showing up so they forced him into some terrible Bale-Batman voice that keeps cracking

why is this movie taking itself so seriously

Book Artemis: eternally unathletic dweeb

Movie Artemis: SURFING MASTER

the fuck, Branagh

THIS VOICE IS SO DAMN BAD, JOSH PLEASE STOP TALKING

okay Artemis is appropriately a little shit for EXACTLY ONE SCENE

FUCK OFF WITH FRIDGING THE MOM, BRANAGH

"ur mom's dead and ur dad's gone so ur a little shit" WHAT A GREAT COUNSELOR

fuck's sake

Book Artemis: immediately falls off whatever this hover thing is

COLIN FARRELL. SEXY MAN.

I ALMOST FORGIVE THEM FOR BRINGING HIM BACK EARLY

AND..... KNOWING ABOUT MAGIC

SDJFKSDF

WHATEVER

I WAS PREPARED FOR THIS

this voice is still terrible, Josh. I'm sorry

this kid is a pretty good actor

"all i really want is to believe in you" that was actually well-delivered

"Arty"

<sobbing>

OKAY IT'S NOT ACCORDING TO THE BOOK BUT FUCK ME THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS WELL DONE

i desperately need Butler to show up soon tho

I SPOKE TOO SOON

"DOMOVOI" ??!!?? YOU FUCKS

why

are his eyes

fucking ELECTRIC BLUE

HIS LITERAL FUKDFSUCING NAME IN THE BOOKS IS 'BUTLER' IT'S PART OF BEING AN INSANELY GOOD SECRET AGENT GUARDIAN HE'S NOT AN ACTUFL FUCKING BUTLER AND LITERALLY NO ONE EVER CALLS HIM "THE BUTLER" BUT HIS NAME IS BUTLER BECAUSE HIS REAL NAME IS SECRET HE'S FUCKING SECURITY FUCKING DID YOU READ THIS FUCKING BOOK SERIES AT ALL BRANAGH OR DID YOU JUSTDSJFKLDSHFSD:LFSEFAGH

i'm sorry

Butler is my absolute favorite character of the entire damn series and they fucking

can't even get OOOONNNNNEEEEEEEEE CHARACTER CORRECT

SCREAMS

did they think calling him "Butler" would be weird because they cast a black guy?????

AGAIN WHY WITH THE FUCKING ELECTRIC BLUE CONTACTS THEY'RE SO OBVIOUSLY FAKE IT LOOKS SO BAD. IF YOU MAKE THE DECISION TO CAST AN AFRICAN AMERICAN MAN JUST FUCKING OWN THAT HE HAS DARK EYES DON'T DO THIS

THE "OWL STAR"???? REALLY???? WHY NOT FOWL STAR

WHY

NOT

IT'S JUST SUCH AN ARBITRARY DUMBASS CHANGE IT MAKES NO SENSE

PLEASE DID I JUST MISUNDERSTAND THE REPORTER MAN

DID THE CAPTIONS JUST MISUNDERSTAND HIM?????

NOPE IT'S LITERALLY THE  O W L  S T A R

fuck off

i'm sorry

stuff like that just bothers me a lot

it makes ABSOLUTELY no sense to change it

Fowl Star made sense bECAUSE IT'S OWNED BY ARTEMIS FOWL

artemis has a lot more emotions than i remember him having

i will not forgive them for destroying the Butler/Artemis relationship in favor of a Dad they fucking fridge in the first half hour of the movie

oh boy nursery rhymes as codes

GROUNDBREAKING

i think the fairies would have something to say about you hiding their own shit from them, MISTER SENIOR

it's still a bad voice, Josh, I'm so sorry

okay Haven is pretty nice

"Haven" not "Haven City"

pretty sure

holly being a 13 year old girl is disconcerting

that was mentioned in a review

they're supposed to be Child-Sized not ACTUAL CHILDREN

also "small person = higher pitched voice" is such a stupid trope please stop

i like the Being diversity around the city

like lots of different types of humanoids

josh desperately wants to do the Olaf voice

i'm so sorry Josh

okay aside from the shit voice Diggums is pretty good

lol Cudgeon's already in jail

i

okay then

i know this is Opal Koboi

meh

i hate her in the books so they can fuck her up all they want

judi dench is batman too i guess

how many cigs you smoke judi root

OH BOY HOLLY HAS MISSING DADDY ISSUES TOO

fucking shit

"you're 84" and you look like a fUCKING THIRTEEN YEAR OLD

such bad choices

every time they say "Domovoi" i--

HISDFHSDHFH

JULIET

SHE'S

HIS

FUCKING

NIECE?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????

SDFJLS:DKF FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK YYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

FUCK YOU

FUCK

FUCK

FUCK YOU KENNETH BRANAGH

NO

NO

NO

NO

SHE'S

HIS

FUCKING

SISTER

HIS BABY SISTER HE LOVES AND CARES FOR EVEN MORE THAN ARTEMIS AND THAT'S A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT RELATIONSHIP THAN UNCLE AND NIECE

HOW COULD YOU LITERALLY DESTROY EVERYTHING ABOUT BUTLER AND STILL SLEEP AT NIGHT

<vomits into the sun>

eoin colfer i hope you made so much money off of this SHITSTACK

(genuinely tho that's literally the only consolation; now he can write more Good Books)

Juliet is cute but i know about all she does is make sandwiches

so fuck this

judi dench is Good

foaly is Okay

why's he wearing clothes tho

the chutes are a lot more... open than expected

BEECHWOOD SHORT THE TRAITOR

FUCK OFF

WHY IS HOLLY’S CHARACTER DEFINED BY HER FUCKING FATHER

THIS IS SO MUCH WORSE AN OUTCOME THAN I EVEN EXPECTED GIVEN THEY EVISCERATED HER CHARACTER'S DRIVE BY MAKING THE L.E.P. ALREADY HAVE FEMALE OFFICERS AND COMMANDERS

"get out cudgeon before i throw you out" okay they got Root completely right at least

aside from making him a her

but that's okay

because it's Judi Dench

awwwww happy flying scene bUT HOLLY YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SHIELDED GOt DAMN

“any update?” "yes. i'm freezing" amazing, Butler

i mean dOmOvOi

HOLLY YOU'RE STILL NOT SHIELDED

CGI isn't too bad in this but honestly that's not impressive anymore

awwwww cute wedding scene

troll is about as ugly as possible

LOL JUST FUCKING THROW TIME FREEZE UP LIKE IT'S NOTHING

OKAY

LOL HOLLY GO DEAL WITH THE TROLL DON'T FOCUS ON ONE SMALL CHILD

THAT'S NOT HOW A TIME FREEZE WORKS

I

i mean it's COOL

i love the little Men in Green zipping around

but it doesn't make ANY sense

LOL SO WHY DO THE PEOPLE THINK THE PLACE IS TRASHED

lol gently floating troll

Hollyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Judi Root continues to be amazing

ok tbf Opal Koboi would be after the Aculos if it existed

OP MacGuffin plots are so tired tho like really Branagh

i love the wings on her suit

ARTEMIS WHEN DID YOU GET TO THE TREE

holly ur a bad 84-year-old officer

LOL CUDGEON IS RIGHT ON

AND JUDI ROOT CONTINUES TO BE

"Not Happy!" lol wat

who wrote that bit of dialogue and said "yes this a perfectly good thing to have her say when she wakes up in a cage"

"mesmerism"

boy i love these exposition dump convos between Mr. Sr. and Arty

LOL "most human beings are afraid of gluten, how do you think they'd handle goblins" is a great line

out of touch, but still funny

...why does the time freeze take forever to generate now when you did it in TWO SECONDS BEFORE

calm down holly damn

foaly's very pretty

sO DID THEY FREEZE THE *ENTIRE WORLD*????????

I THOUGHT THE POINT WAS TO FREEZE THINGS INSIDE SO YOU HAVE MOONLIGHT LONGER

AND

AND

whatever

i love this fucking ARMY coming out of literally everywhere

"TOP OF THE MORNIN'" OH MY FUCKING GOODNESS

whole movie is worth it

for that line

i love that they're entirely in green

and no one ever Shields

ever

they mentioned Shields once but NO ONE IS SHIELDED

BUTLER WOULD NEVER LET ARTEMIS INTO A FIGHT

SCREAMS

"TAKE THE SHOT"

WHY IS THE TIME FREEZE SO EASILY DESTABILIZED

FOALY

ARE YOU TELLING ME NO ONE HAS EVER SHOT YOUR FUCKING ENORMOUS DEVICE

omg no U GAVE OPAL KOBOI LEGITIMATE REASONS FOR DOING WHAT SHE'S DOING

YOU GAVE HER A SAD FRUSTRATING BACKSTORY

SHE'S SUPPOSED TO BE AN ARROGANT SELF-SERVING BITCH AND NOTHING ELSE

TWENTY SEVEN MINUTES??????

hOW DID ARTEMIS KNOW ABOUT MULCH DIGGUMS SPECIFICALLY

lol that is 100% a completely inhumane prison what the fuck, fairies

why does Holly have human music

well i'm glad we didn't have to watch mulch almost eat a dude's head

"My father was kidnapped."

"My father is dead."

"Can I trust you?"

"You'll have to."

BUT WHY

WHAT IS THIS DIALOGUE

WHAT IS THIS CHARACTER PROGRESSION

THERE's NO REASON TO TRUST HER

OR TO NEED TO TRUST HER

THIS IS COMPLETELY UNEARNED AND STUPID

glad holly's entire character REVOLVES AROUND A MAN NOW, BRANAGH

LOL THEY JUST DIDN'T GIVE ROOT A FIRST NAME???

JUDI ROOT CONFIRMED

"listen to us, grunting at each other like a pair of hippos with a throat infection" LMAO

i hope that was Josh Gad improv

LOL HE JUST FUCKING DESTROYS EVERYTHING IN HIS WAY WHILE TUNNELING

YOU DIDN'T EVEN REALLY TUNNEL IN, MULCH

HOW DID YOU COME OUT OF A PAINTING

DO THEY HAVE PAINTINGS IN A BASEMENT???

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SHEETROCK OR WHATEVER

IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO EASY TO JUST

UGH

FOLLOW THE BOOK

COME ON

MULCH YOU ARE THE WORST BURGLAR

"what would your parents be" THEY'D BE CENTAURS MULCH

is... is Mulch on the second floor

HE TUNNELED THROUGH THE WALL ONTO THE SECOND FLOOR

artemis... just.. lets holly out

ok cool

LOL HIS NOSE HAIRS GROW AND MOVE LIKE TENTACLES

stupid and... funny? i guess

at least Cudgeon is the piece of shit he is in the book lol

oh boy troll time

BUTER WOULD NEVER LET MULCH DIGGUMS PICKPOCKET HIM

"jam all magic" OMFG THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE

BUTLER WOULD NEVER LET ARTEMIS FACE DOWN A FUCKING TROLL

LOL THEY JUST FIRE THE TROLL LIKE A BULLET

A TROLL-ET

DOMOVOI YOU ARE COMPLETELY USELESS WHAT THE FUCK

i wonder if kids even like this movie

omg butler couldn't even jump

i

i don't understand

he literally DOESN'T HELP AT ALL

IT'S HIS WHOLE THING

IS BEING ABLE TO KICK ASS

FUCKING COME ON BRANAGH

yeah fuck you branagh

are... are the fairies just DYING TO THE TIME FREEZE COLLAPSE???

"goodbye my friend. i'm sorry i was FUCKING USELESS"

branagh you're trying to activate my feelings with this Sad Death Scene(TM) but i am IMPERVIOUS because artemis has had NO RELATIONSHIP WHATSOEVER WITH THIS """DOMOVOI"""

COOL HE'S BACK NOW I’M SO GLAD ACTUAL FULL ON DEATH HAS ZERO CONSEQUENCES NOW THANKS TO OP FAIRY MAGIC

WHAT GREAT WRITING THIS IS

"i didn't cry did i" FUCK OFF

WHY IS IT SO DANGEROUS WHEN THE TIME FREEZE ENDS

WHY IS YOUR TECH SO SHITTY, FOALY

TIME FREEZES AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE DANGEROUS TO THE OCCUPANTS

THAT GOES AGAINST ALL OF FAIRY RULES

...okay and then it just ends..........?

Domovoi: "you have to try!"

Artemis: "i can't, tho"

Domovoi: "it's too dangerous!"

WHAT IS THIS DIALOGUE

WHO WROTE THIS ABSOLUTE DRIVEL

"the aculos for my father"

THE L.E.P. DOESN'T EVEN HAVE YOUR FATHER YOU ABSOLUTE DOOF

holly how do u know how to do this

the... the aculos is just the fucking Book?

i feel slapped in the face

she just recites the words and. and.

whatever

whatever

i'm done

GO FIND YOUR DAD WHO'S MAGICALLY BACK

WHY WOULD HE BE IN THE BED ARTEMIS

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A GENIUS

this girl who plays Holly cannot act

i'm sorry girl

MAGICALLY BACK DAD

HOORAY HOLLY'S CHARACTER CONTINUES TO BE DEFINED BY HER FATHER

FUCK

YOU

WRITERS

AND BRANAGH

BUTLER WOULD NEVER CRY, DOMOVOI

i like the cool earpiece they gave Judi Root to maybe? disguise her hearing aid?

Haven does look pretty cool

too much water above tho it’s not Atlantis guys come on

"i'm a criminal mastermind" LITERALLY WHEN DID YOU SHOW ANY SORT OF MASTERMIND BEHAVIOR OR CRIMINAL BEHAVIOR

BESIDES BRIEFLY KIDNAPPING HOLLY AND THEN IMMEDIATELY LETTING HER OUT

LMAO THAT LAST SHOT OF JULIET JUST LOOKING EXCITEDLY OUT OF THE WINDOW AT THE HELICOPTER WHILE EVERYONE LEAVES HER BEHIND

WHAT'S THE POINT OF THAT EVEN

THIS POOR GIRL YOU’RE JUST LEAVING HER ALONE

WOW THIS PRISON/INTERROGATION PLACE HAS LIKE

NO SECURITY

HI HOLLY WHY ARE YOU HERE??????

THIS WHOLE ENDING IS JUST THE STUPID CAP ON TOP OF A STUPID SUNDAE

i need to go listen to the books again now

[a-vast-horizon]

👀👀👀👁👀👁👀👁👀👁👀👁👀👀

oh boy, i’m not sure i have 14, lol

i’ll give a little sampling anyway

-

(from an Agent Stern/Barclay The Adventure Zone: Amnesty fic)

It was a bad idea to mix work with your personal life. Agent Stern knew that, really. It was just that when you were traveling for work, your whole life sort of became tangled with your job to some extent. Now, obviously, there were some hard lines to be drawn. When he was suited up and on the case, questioning witnesses and examining evidence, he was on the job, no personal matters allowed.

But when he got back from doing his job to relax at the Amnesty Lodge, was it really so wrong if he found the chef cute?

-

(from a Danny Phantom and Bendy and the Ink Machine crossover)

The storage room was, as ever, a mess. You might have thought the Fentons, as scientists, would have some interest in being organized, but you’d be wrong. You probably should have considered the fact that they were *ghost-hunting* scientists, and realized they were absolute messes. As was the storage room.

The spare drill Danny has been asked to fetch was just barely visible on a high wall-mounted shelf, tucked between a raggedy old plush toy and some dusty bottles. There wasn’t any space on the crowded floor for a stepladder, not that Danny would have been able to find one in the mess, so he settled for trying to balance on his tiptoes as he reached for the shelf. And it almost worked, too. He had one hand on the shelf, inching towards the drill to pull it forwards, when a can rolled out of place beneath his foot, sending him wildly off balance. The hand Danny had on the shelf grabbed it for balance, and evidently that was more than it was cut out for, because it promptly detached from the wall, sending its contents down towards Danny.

-

(from a My Hero Academia AU tentatively titled ‘explosive temper’)

Izuku’s nose was buried in his latest hero analysis notebook, revising his notes from that morning’s fight with Mount Lady. He was therefore oblivious to the fact that the sewer grate behind him was being lifted until he heard a voice call out, “Damn nerd! Get your head out of your book and look behind you!”

So, of course, he did, and found himself a scant few meters from an enormous body of slime oozing its way out of the sewer.

-

(from an Animorphs AU tentatively titled ‘butterfly effect’)

We met up outside the entrance to the Gardens on Saturday. With a lot of cajoling at our gymnastics lessons, I’d managed to convince Melissa to come, and judging by the fact that Jake showed up, Cassie had invited him like I’d told her to.

“Hey, guys,” Jake said. “Marco’s dad is sick, so he can’t make it.”

“Aw, too bad,” I said. Had Cassie told Jake to invite Marco, too? They were her tickets, but I’d have thought she’d want to spend time with just him.

Then again, maybe Jake was the one being oblivious in this situation and invited Marco along himself. Considering his talents were more oriented towards shooting balls through hoops and playing video games than talking to people, it wasn’t out of the question.

-

(from Koda’s upcoming fic in the Super[Natural]Heroes BNHA AU)

“So if you’re not coming out here because you’re hurt, what is it? Boredom? Looking for adventure? Problems with your family?”

Koda… hadn’t thought this far ahead? What did he tell her? What would be enough to get her to stop worrying?

Apparently, in the absence of an answer, Ragdoll had made up her own mind about what was going on, because she didn’t wait for Koda to come up with something.

“Well, it’s none of my business!” she said. “But if you ever do need help, you should come find me or one of the other Pussycats!”

-

(from an Ant-Man-centric Endgame AU fic)

He pressed the button on his suit to return him to normal size, knowing it was futile. He’d pressed it probably a hundred times already since the others had stopped responding on the radio. The Quantum Realm didn’t follow the same rules of physics as the rest of the universe did, and that was why they needed the Quantum Tunnel to leave it safely. Still, he couldn’t just sit here and do nothing. He had to get back to his life, to Hope, to Cassie!

He pressed the button again, again, hearing it click uselessly over and over. Still, he kept pressing it.

And finally, it worked.

In a dizzying flash of light and motion and expansion, Scott went from the Quantum Realm to the back of the X-Con truck, pressed between the closed doors and the powered-down Quantum Tunnel. A thick layer of dust covered the van’s interior, and Scott began coughing as the helmet of his suit automatically retracted. He managed to unlatch the back doors of the van and tumbled out onto concrete. This wasn’t the parking lot where the van had last been parked, though. Scott looked around to see boxes and boxes with his name on them, chain link fence, a ceiling overhead. A storage unit? But who had moved his stuff here, and how had they done it so fast?

-

(from Attempt #218, a Good Place fic [spoilers for the end of season 1])

In theory, it was the perfect torture.

Tahani was beautiful, boastful, high society and incredibly open about it: just the kind of person to get under Eleanor’s skin, to lance her worries about not being a good enough person. Eleanor, meanwhile, was pressed to keep her past a secret and pretend to be a human rights activist who volunteered at a local animal shelter in her spare time, so Tahani would struggle to make conversation with someone that couldn’t give her a straight answer. It wasn’t quite as good as pairing Tahani with someone who couldn’t talk at all, like Jason, but it was a bit less obvious, more of a slow burn that could last a few hundred years before she caught on. And the guilt Eleanor would eventually feel over having a perfect soulmate and hating her guts was sure to be entertaining.

Of course, if everything worked the way Michael had theorized, they wouldn’t have been on attempt 218 at all.

-

(from a BNHA crossover with… well… I’ll say it when the fic is released)

“Fine,” Tenya conceded. “What are you looking for, anyway?”

“Not sure,” Ochako said. “Anything that might be worth reselling.”

“You came here without an idea what you were looking for?” Tenya asked.

“Hey, that’s why I brought you! Your family works on cars, so you know what’s in good enough shape to resell.”

Tenya didn’t say anything, but Ochako could sense the judgemental look he was giving her even without looking over her shoulder. 

“Look, we’re just… tight on cash this month. I just want to help my parents out,” Ochako said.

-

(from a Trollhunters fic where Jim is part-changeling)

“Blinky? What’s going on?” Jim asked, desperation soaking his voice. If anyone would know what had happened, it would surely be Blinky.

“It seems that the gaggletek worked as expected,” Blinky said, his tone eerily calm in a way Jim couldn’t decipher. “It forces changelings to change their shape when they touch it.”

“But I’m not a changeling,” Jim said. “At least, I don’t think so? Can you be a changeling without knowing it?”

Blinky shook his head, crossing one set of his arms while the other wrung its hands nervously.

“Changelings are aware of their true nature from the moment they set foot out of the Darklands,” Blinky said. “Which means… you have been deceiving us ever since you met us.”

-

(from a TomStarCo rewrite of the Star vs. the Forces of Evil finale)

“Well, I would still like to be friends with you, Star. I still really like you. I just… I have feelings for someone else, too, and I know you also do,” Tom said.

“What? Who are you talking about?” 

“Marco.”

“Yeah, I guessed that’s what you were thinking, dummy. I meant who do you have feelings for?”

“Well…” Tom’s voice trailed off sheepishly.

“Oh,” Star said. “Oh. You like him, too?”

“I mean, I didn’t want to. I just can’t help it!” Tom said.

“Yeah, no, I totally get it,” Star said. “Same boat here, remember?”

[cent-noah]

Ghost of you [Noah Centineo]

A/N: Yes, I am aware that there is a song with this name, but know that I have never listened to it and I just thought the same suited the fic lol.

Well, so... This is part of Sincerelyfan’s Angst Writing Challenge ( @sincerelyfan​) and I am dying. You have no idea how much I procrastinated to write it and how much I wrote, like, today cause I just had this idea yesterday and I couldn’t stop until it was done. 

So! It’s a little over 2k, but damn, I couldn’t help myself. Hope you all enjoy it and please let me know what you think of it!!

Also... Shout out to @apkavy for keeping me company as I wrote.

It is commonly spread that times heal everything, that as you grow older and get over everything you went through, the open wounds start to close, the scars start to fade until there’s one small pang of hurt inside of you, something that doesn’t even hurt anymore. It just hugs you in a cold embrace, reminding you of what used to be.

If the memories were good, you would smile with it, your heart longing for the time you were happy, for the people that you had in your life. If they were bad, it was like your whole body felt frozen to the place, awaken dreams of terror flowing through you. But what could it be when it was the both of feelings at the same time?

Could it be possible to get over something bad that had happened when the only person that could bring you out of it was the only one you couldn’t have? Would it ever be possible to move on with your life when you don’t have the person that means the most to you by your side? And if it were possible, how long would it take to get your pieces back into a whole being? How many years? One? Two? Five? Forever?

That was something Noah had been asking himself for far too long, his whole being engulfed in what could only be described as a void of feelings. The once happy and spontaneous guy he had been reduced to a pile of bones careless spread over the bed, his once living eyes, so beautifully sparkling under the sunlight held nothing but grief, a dull color now gracing his sharp features.

He had tried to get over it, he had tried to move on with his life and not think of her, not think of that night and just keep going with his life, but, much like he had said to his mother, there was no life without her, there was no reason in living when he couldn’t share anything with her anymore. And that’s what led him to constantly be in the this semi-life, one he couldn’t exactly call that, one that consisted in spending his days drunk, trying to numb the pain that his heart seemed to suffer, trying to forget the feeling of his hollow chest as he stared pointlessly at the walls he was surrounded, the cream color slightly faded before he moved in, the precarious state of the small apartment not really bothering him.

Nothing else could, to be honest. Noah had, willingly, given up all sort of comfort he had before the accident, all sort of support, all sort of sense. He was empty inside and his body was just doing the bare minimum to keep him alive. And he hated it. He hated how he got to live when she died; He hated he had to face everyone on her funeral and explain how it was his fault; He hated that he had to go on without her; He hated everything, but above it all, he hated himself.

He didn’t remember falling asleep that night. In a second he was sitting in front of the TV and the next he was waking up in an empty room, nothing decorating it or giving him any indication of where he was. Maybe this time he had done. Maybe this time he had drank enough to make his liver stop and kill him instantly. Or maybe it was the sleeping pills he had taken a few moments before. Why not even a concoction of the two of them? He could only hope it had worked this time, because he was done trying it.

The lack of activity around him didn’t seem suspicious at all; if there were Heaven and Hell, he surely didn’t make it to Heaven after everything he had done, but he didn’t expect Hell to be this… peaceful and quiet. It was weird having all the room, all that enormous space to himself. What was supposed to happen next?

As if answering his question, there was a small figure further ahead, their frame completely hidden by the distance between them, but he was sure they were making their way to him. Maybe that was Purgatory, he hadn’t exactly known how those things works, but something was definitely going to happen to him.

Noah could have been prepared for years, he could have known everything that would happen to him his entire life but nothing, absolutely nothing could have prepared him to who was coming towards him, her angelic face framed by her long hair, cascading down her shoulders in beautiful waves, shining in the white room as they had never. She was wearing her favorite pair of high-waisted jeans and a red tank top with lace adorning her straps and the chest area, something she would wear on any given day. It was her signature.

The chocolate haired man felt his heart skip a beat - had he had one -, his palms sweaty and his eyes widen as he took in her appearance, so beautiful, so serene, a smile on her face as she took the final steps that separated them, her hands slowly reaching for him as if afraid of how he would react to her presence.

“You’re here,” was the first words that came out of Noah’s lips, his voice a little raspy due to the lack of healthy choices he had made while still in life. She nodded, the smile never leaving her face, her bright eyes gleaming under the unknown source of light as she stared at him, but there was something else hidden behind the Y/E/C orbs. “So that means I did it,” he said, his hands taking hold of hers, pulling her closer to him, embracing her in what felt like the longest period of time he had her in his arms.

To feel her chest against him, to feel her arms wrap themselves around him and feel her head nesting right under his chin was too much for him. There was an inevitable lump forming in his throat, closing up his pipes, making it harder to breathe. He could feel the tears start to prick on his eyes, threatening to spill at any time before he could hold them back. His whole body was shaking, in a complete state of euphoria.

“You did what?” she mumbled against his chest, her nose rubbing against the fabric of his t-shirt, inhaling deep his scent, trying to memorize it before she ran out of time.

“I died,” he shrugged. “Didn't think I would be wherever you are, though, but just to see you and hold you is enough for me.”

Y/N took a step back, her eyes blinking a couple of times as she tried to make sense to what had just said. Did he really think he had died? It wasn't what was supposed to happen, it wasn't what had happened. She could still feel his heartbeat, beating steadily against her cheeks, pumping blood into his veins. No, he was very much alive. Her, on the other hand…

“You're not dead,” she said matter-of-factly, her head tilting to the side as she eyes him up and down. He looked way too thin, with deep bags under his eyes and a lack of life in it that she had never seen. He might as well look like a dead person, but she knew he wasn't.

“I'm not…?” his expression was completely surprised. How could he not be if he was with her? “How can it be? You were dead… They told me you were dead!” His distress was visible, the way his hands started running through his hair copiously, messing his brown locks even further. He couldn't understand what was happening. “H-how are you here? I'm probably daydreaming,” he shook his head. “It can't be true.”

Shielding himself away from her, Noah turned his back on the girl, his breath hitching on the back of his throat. He had finally managed to lose his mind.

“Noah,” she whispered, her steps leading her to him once more, her small hands coming in contact with his back in a gentle caress, trying to convey every sentiment she was feeling at the moment. She wanted him to be in peace, she needed him to stay calm. She needed him to understand why she was there. “I am dead,” she sighed. “You, however, is not,” there was a genuine smile on her face as if the fact that he was safe warmed her heart. It did. “You're not gonna die in a long time, babe.”

“I shouldn’t have to,” he croaked, the dryness in his throat back once again, betraying his words. He intended to sound sure, he wanted her to believe that he didn’t deserve to be alive while she wasn’t. “I should be dead. I should be the one buried, I should be the one who didn’t make it that night in the car,” the tears started flowing then, rolling down his sun kissed skin like waterfall, glistening under the beaming lights. He looked desperate, like a small child lost from their parents and Y/N wanted nothing more than to just pull him to her and cradle him in her arms, whispering soothing words into his ear as she told him everything was going to be alright.

And that was what she did. She reached out for him, bringing his much taller frame down to her height, her hands holding his head securely, making him stare into her eyes one more time, telling him everything was going to be alright with just one look. The sobs rocked his body, sending waves down to his feet. She could feel him trembling against her and it pained her, something she didn’t think possible given the fact that she was dead. But, however insane it might have seemed, she felt him, she still felt everything her human body was able to, therefor, it was no use trying to deny all the pain she was going through upon seeing him under that state.

When she felt like he had calmed himself for a bit, not entirely for that wouldn’t be possible, she stroked his cheek tenderly, a small smile on her lips as she looked at his beautiful face and admired it.

“You don’t know what you’re saying, Noah,” she shook her head. “There was no way to change the events of that night and I would rather it didn’t, she sighed. “You have so much to live for, you have so much to do, so much to achieve. I did my part, my mission down there was over, but yours is just getting started.”

Noah shook his head. He couldn’t believe one word she was saying. He couldn’t let himself believe that he was to live without her, that her time was so much shorter than his. She was a far better person, she had big plans for the future, she wanted to do so much. How could he stand there and listen to Y/N saying she had completed her job?

“It’s my fault,” he insisted, the tears once again filling his eyes. At this point, it was useless holding them back, it was useless trying to act as if he was fine. “It’s my fault you ran out of time to accomplish everything you wanted. How can I live with that?”

Y/N took a deep breath, her eyes threatening to spill tears as well as she looked at him. He hadn’t been himself ever since she had died, he hadn’t let himself move on, he hadn’t let himself heal and there he was, telling her that it should have been him instead, blaming himself for what happened when no one was to blame. She chose it. She chose to give him her last breath and save him.

“It was my choice, Noah,” she muttered. “I wanted to see you alive, I wanted to see you grow old, if not with me, then with someone. I loved you too much to let you go, you understand that? I love you too much to let you waste your life they way you have been.”

The silence between them was deafening. Just then, Noah had come to the realization that she had been watching him, she had been watching every single stupid decision he had made and she had, countless times, tried to shout at him, make him stop, beg him to not harm himself. And that was the way she had found to talk to him.

“Yes, baby, I’ve been with you this whole time,” she whispered, her bottom lip trembling as she thought about everything he had put himself through. “And I just want you to be happy. I want you to live your life fully. You have so much to do, so much potential. You’re gonna have a beautiful life, Noah.”

His arms engulfed her in a tight hug, one he didn’t intend of letting go any time soon, one that conveyed every little feeling he had inside of him and she took it. She took it all accepting everything he had to give her, everything she had been missing for the past months, everything she would never be able to feel again.

“I missed you so much,” he cried, his hands running up and down her back, his lips, in a clumsy way, scattering kisses down her face gently.

“I missed you too,” she whispered back, a small sob escaping her lips. It was selfish, but she hadn’t been ready to say goodbye to him until then. “You have to promise me, though,” she started pulling her head back. “You have to promise me that you’re going to move on, Noah. That you’re going to give yourself a better life, that you’re going to pull yourself out of this hole you dug and that you’re be better to yourself. Please.”

Noah sighed. He could never lie to her, he could never tell her that he was going to do something and then do the opposite. And he knew she would find a way to make him do it whether she was alive or not. So he nodded, a certainty in his eyes he didn’t know he had, but for her… For her he would do the impossible.

“Thank you,” she smiled. “And remember I’m always by your side, no matter what. You might not see me, but I’m there, taking care of you.”

“Why does it feel like a goodbye?” he tilted his head, the question making him sound like a kid trying to buy some more time in the playground. “I don’t want you to go.”

“I have to,” she simply said, her feature now a bit more relaxed that she had talked to him. “You’re gonna wake up soon.”

Noah seized Y/N in his arms one more time, his lips slightly touching hers as if it was a sin to do it, caressing her, kissing her so gently she doubted that was ever a touch between them. And then, he let go of her, a new set of tears ready to spill at any moment.

“Life is long, Noah Centineo,” she mused, a smirk on her face as she hoped he understood the reference.

“And you’re still hot, babe,” he completed, a full smile adorning his lips now, staying there until, eventually, everything around him seemed to vanish, slowly, the last thing catching his eyes were her beautiful face.

Noah awoke with a start, the low muttering sound coming from the TV entering his ears the moment he opened his eyes and came face to face with his empty bedroom.

For a moment, he doubted everything, he thought he had put himself through an illusion and that nothing had been real. But then he took a deep breath, the faint smell of her cologne hanging in the air, the tingling sensation in his lips that happened every time he kissed her still felt on his skin. If it hadn’t been real, how come he could still feel her looking at him, her piercing stare daring him to not follow her orders?

There was still a pain in his chest, but it felt so much lighter now, like someone had tended to his injuries and was supporting the burden he was once carrying alone.

A smile appeared on his face without him realizing it. Now he knew she would never let him go. Now he knew she would always pull him back in line. This time, he could do it.

Taglist: @savage-stilinski, @apkavy, @disbestiles, @centxneo, @thebeardedcentineo, @akumakoronso, @baecentineo