#I’m apologizing to SOMEONE for this. myself probably! and to you for being that cringe on main!

[redhotarsenic]

I can’t believe I clenched my jaw that damn hard the day the last cosplayer man picture dropped I am not fucking with you I did it to the point that I heard something pop

[waitimcomingtoo]

Meatballs! At the Unspecified Celebratory Event

Pairing: Tom Holland x ex!reader

Synopsis: you and Tom see each other at a family event for the first time since your breakup

Masterlist

“Thanks so much for having me. It’s good to see you again.”

“Of course. You know you’re always welcome. Now go grab some meatballs. I made them myself.” Sam said and squeezed your arm. You smiled in return before going over to the food table.

You put a few meatballs into your plate and mingled in the crowd with friends of the family that you hadn’t seen in a while. You heard someone being greeted by several people as they came in and looked up out of curiosity. Thats when you and Tom made eye contact. You quickly looked away and turned your body while you prayed that he hadn’t seen you. He had, of course, and was immediately making his way over to you.

“Hey.” Tom said when he finally got to you.

“Your mom told me to come.” You said at the same time. You then both apologized at the same time for cutting the other off.

“Oh. Sorry. You first.” Tom said and gestured to you.

“Sorry. Your mom told me to come.” You quickly explained. “I told her it would be too weird now that we’re broken up and everything but she insisted. Plus, I wanted to support Sam.”

“It’s okay. I’m really glad you’re here. I’m happy to see you.” Tom said sincerely. You smiled awkwardly and looked around the crowd to avoid eye contact. Tom looked around the crowd as well and briefly wondered that the purpose of the gathering was. The awkward silence went on for so long that it became palpable and you couldn’t take it anymore.

“Look, Tom, I really never would’ve shown up like this if I knew you were gonna be here. I’d hate to make things awkward. But Harry told me it was safe to come. I thought you were filming in LA?” You asked and felt yourself cringing over how much you were over explaining your presence.

“I am. I have the weekend off so I came to support Sam.” Tom answered and felt disappointed now that he knew you hadn’t come just to see him.

“Oh. That’s nice. I love LA. It’s so…hot.” You faked another smile and looked away. Tom felt the conversation falling flat but was desperate to keep talking to you.

“So, uh, you still keep in touch with mum?” He asked you.

“Yeah, yeah. Not that much, though. She checks in on me and I do the same.”

“That’s nice. And I’m guessing you still talk to Harry since he told you I was filming?” He asked and looked over at Harry who had conveniently never mentioned that he was still in contact with you.

“Oh, yeah. Him too.” You laughed nervously. “We were good friends so, yeah. He and I still talk.”

“And you came to support Sam. Who must’ve sent you an invite. To your new place. Since you moved out.” Tom realized with a tight smile.

“He actually didn’t send it to my new place. He gave me an invite the last time I was over his place, so…” You trailed off when you realized your attempt to make him feel better was probably just making things worse.

“Which was…” Tom asked.

“Oh, a couple weeks ago. He had me and Paddy over to try some new recipe. It wasn’t anything serious.” You explained and tried to make it sound as uneventful as possible.

“I see. So you’re still talking to the whole family. Everyone but me.” He said with a tight smile. You could see the sadness in his eyes now that he had learned this information and wished you hadn’t said anything.

“Yeah. Sorry. It felt wrong to just cut ties completely. It’s not like I broke up with them.” You laughed awkwardly.

“Right. Just me.” He returned the laugh and sounded just as awkward. An uncomfortable silence fell between you for a long time now that you had run out of things to say. You made brief eye contact with him and quickly looked away as you scanned the party for something to talk about.

“I haven’t talked to your dad since the breakup, if that helps.” You said finally.

“It helps a little.” Tom shrugged.

“Oh, good, it does?”

“Not really.” He admitted. “Nothing does.”

“Yeah. Me either.” You shrugged and took a long sip of your drink. Tom’s eyebrows went up in surprise to hear that you were struggling just as much.

“Really?” He asked quietly. You looked into his eyes and debated telling him just how much you missed him. You ultimately decided against it since it wasn’t the time or place to have that conversation.

“The food was really good, wasn’t it? I loved the meatballs.” You asked to change the subject. You had no idea how to make small talk with someone you used to have a life with.

“Yeah. So good. Sam’s great.” Tom nodded in agreement even though he hadn’t tried any food yet.

“So great.” You echoed. You both hated the faking niceties with each other but you had no idea how else to interact now that you were broken up. Thankfully, Harry walked up to the two of you with a plate of food and relieved some of the tension.

“Hey.” He said to you before realizing Tom was there too. “Oh. Sorry. I didn’t realize you guys were talking. Should I leave?”

“No!” You and Tom said in unison. Harry leaving meant you’d have to scramble to find more things to say so you were desperate to keep him there. Harry gave you both a strange look over how enthusiastically you said no before taking a bite of one of his meatballs.

“It’s fine. What did you need?” You asked him.

“That guy I told you about is here. He wants to meet you.” Harry said and pointed over his shoulder. Tom followed his finger and saw a 6 foot tall blonde guy covered in those little minimalistic tattoos. The very tattoos you once told Tom you loved on other people.

“Oh, great.” You smiled and waved to the guy. Tom looked between you and the guy several times and felt jealousy bubble up inside him.

“Who’s that guy?” He asked through a forced laugh so he didn’t sound as worried as he felt.

“That’s Garrett. He’s one of my photographs buddies.” Harry explained.

“I’ll go say hi.” You told Harry before going over to the guy. Tom watched you hug him hello and clenched his jaw.

“Woah, mate. Whats going on with you? If you stare any harder, that vein in your neck is gonna explode.” Harry said to him.

“Who is that guy?” Tom whispered harshly.

“I told you. He’s a friend from film school. I hooked him up with Y/n.”

“Hooked up?” Tom almost shouted. “What do you mean hooked up?”

“Oh my God. Down boy.” Harry snorted. “I mean I hooked them up to work on a project together. She wants him to shoot something for her.”

“If she needs pictures then why can’t you do it?”

“Because shes like my sister so I don’t want to see her in her underwear.” Harry said like it was obvious. Tom’s stomach dropped and he looked back over at you and Garrett. You were laughing at something he had said and Tom’s jealousy doubled.

“Underwear? What are you talking about?” Tom asked.

“I don’t know. She wants to do some album art in this vintage lingerie she found and he specializes in the style she was going for. I wasn’t really listening when she was explaining because I was too focused on the meatballs.” Harry shrugged and took another bite of his food. Tom snatched Harry plate and put it down on the nearest table.

“Stop eating the meatballs for one second. Are you telling me you asked that guy to take pictures of her in her underwear?” Tom whispered angrily.

“Yes, Tom. I approached my friend and asked him to take photos of my brothers ex girlfriend in her underwear specifically for my own enjoyment.” Harry said sarcastically. Tom gave him an annoyed look so Harry stopped being sarcastic.

“No. She needed a photographer, he needed a job, so I hooked them up. Thats the end of the very simple and very boring story of why Y/n is talking to that guy.”

“Stop saying hooked them up. You’re making it sound like they’re gonna date. Does he even know about me?” Tom asked as he stared daggers over at you and Garrett.

“He’s seen Spies in Disguise.” Harry shrugged.

“Oh my God.” Tom groaned. “I don’t mean my films. Does he know I’m her boyfriend?”

“You mean ex boyfriend?” Harry said out of the corner of his mouth. Tom gave him a look and Harry quickly shoved another meatball into his mouth.

“Fine. Ex. Does he know we used to date?”

“Relax, mate. I’m your brother. I’m not gonna throw your girl into the arms of another man. We’re all rooting for you guys to get back together.”

“Okay, good.” Tom sighed in relief.

“But sometimes, in order to realize who your soulmate is, you have to sleep with a beefy photographer who has tattoos straight off a Pinterest board.”

“WHAT?” Tom shouted this time, causing a few people to look over at them.

“Oh my God. It was a joke.” Harry groaned. “Chill out. How are you still this uptight when there are delicious meatballs around?”

“Enough with the meatballs.” Tom hissed. “You don’t really think she’s gonna sleep with him, do you?”

“Hm. Probably not.” Harry shrugged as he looked over at you and Garrett.

“Good.” Tom sighed.

“But my boy is a dawg so he’s definitely gonna try.” Harry snorted and ate another meatball. Tom looked at him with an unamused expression and Harry stopped chewing.

“Sorry.” He mumbled. “Wrong crowd.”

“It doesn’t matter if he tries. She’d never go for a guy like that. He’s all wrong for her. Right?” Tom asked nervously.

“Mate, don’t do this here. We’re here to support Sam. This is not the time or place to fight for your girls honor.” Harry pointed out. Tom reluctantly nodded in agreement and turned to watch you again. Garrett had his hand on your shoulder now as he told you some story.

“Nope. I can’t watch this. I need to talk to her.” Tom decided and crossed the room to get to you. You and Garrett were laughing at something so Tom started laughing too until you noticed he was there.

“Oh, Garrett, this is Tom.” You said to bring Tom into the conversation.

“Hey, man. I loved you in Spies in Disguise.” Garrett said as he shook his hands. Tom felt slightly annoyed that he couldn’t hate this guy since he was nice.

“Thanks.” Tom said quietly. An awkward silence fell between the three of you and all laughter ceased.

“It’s a great movie. Underrated as hell.” You added after an awkward beat of silence.

“Thank you, darling.” Tom said sincerely. “So what were you guys talking about?”

“We were talking about maybe working together for a shoot.” Garrett answered.

“Right. Harry was telling me about it. I wanted to tell you that you can come over and grab some of your sets if you need them for the shoot. You left a lot at my place.” Tom said to you. You narrowed your eyes at him but couldn’t help but smile. You knew exactly what he was doing and he knew it too. He smiled innocently at you before checking for Garrett’s reaction.

“His place? Why would your stuff be there?” Garett wondered.

“Of course it’s at my place. Where else would she be wearing lingerie?” Tom asked with a simple shrug. You turned your face so he wouldn’t see you laughing at what he said.

“Wait, so, how do you guys know each other?” Garrett asked you.

“Oh, I’m sorry. She must not have mentioned. I know her from being her boyfriend.” Tom said and put an arm around you.

“Ex boyfriend.” You smiled sarcastically and pushed his arm off.

“Semantics.” Tom shrugged.

“Ex?” Garett raised his eyebrows. “Wow. Thats great news. I didn’t think a girl as pretty as you was available.”

“Oh, I’m not.” You laughed awkwardly.

“You’re not?” Garett frowned.

“You’re not?” Tom smiled in surprise.

“I mean, I am, but not for you two. Excuse me.” You smiled at them both and quickly exited the conversation. Tom and Garrett looked at each other with a new sense of competition between them.

“Spies in Disguise wasn’t even that good.” Garett mumbled out of the corner of his mouth.

“Tell that to my Kids Choice Award.” Tom snapped.

“I will.” Garrett said mockingly. They exchanged sharp looks with one another before Tom walked away. He searched the room for you but couldn’t find you for a while. He asked around to see if anyone had seen you but had no luck. He sighed and went outside the restaurant to get some air. Coincidentally, you had the same idea. You were leaning against the wall of the restaurant with a drink in your hand and staring out into the night.

“Hey.” Tom said as he approached you.

“Jesus Christ.” You jumped.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. But I have been looking for you. Do you think we could talk?”

“About what?” You played dumb and took a long sip of your drink. Tom kicked some gravel on the ground and kept his eyes down.

“Us.”

“Is it really a good time? My blood is like 70% red sauce right now.” You groaned and patted your full stomach.

“When else? You don’t return any of my calls.” Tom said without looking in your eyes. You could hear how upset he was over that you felt bad for ignoring him for so long.

“Because we broke up. People who break up aren’t supposed to talk.” You said gently.

“But we weren’t supposed to break up.“ he insisted and looked up at you.

“How can you say that when you’re the one who broke up with me?”

“It was a mistake. I just blurted that out during the fight. I was frustrated from the terrible day I had so I took it out on you. I never meant to say I wanted to break up.”

“But you did.“ You reminded him. “I don’t care how frustrated you were. I never would’ve said that to you.”

“I know.” He sighed. “And believe me, I’ve wished I could take it back from the second it left my lips.”

“Then why’d you say it?” You asked quietly.

“I don’t know.” He answered honestly. “It just fell out of my mouth.”

“Because you don’t have any lips to stop it?” You asked with a coy smile. Tom looked at you in surprise and could tell you felt proud of that one.

“That kinda sounded like you forgiving me.” He smiled cheekily.

“Maybe I’m just trying to get back into a family that can produce meatballs like this.” You shrugged and avoided eye contact. You could feel Tom staring at you so you kept your eyes out on the London skyline.

“Why’d you come tonight?” He asked after a beat of silence.

“I told you. Your mom invited me. And I wanted to support Sam.”

“Support Sam doing what, though?” Tom genuinely wondered. “What is party even for? Sam just told me I had to come. I don’t even know what we’re celebrating.”

“I honestly don’t know either.” You admitted. “Your mom just told me Sam was having a party and making meatballs. I’ve been trying to figure out if it was a birthday or graduation from the decorations but they’re too vague. I’m just avoiding Sam so he doesn’t figure out that I don’t know what this event is for.”

“Maybe it’s just a meatball party.” Tom shrugged.

“Maybe.” You laughed softly and finally looked at him. When you looked into his eyes, you couldn’t bring yourself to be mad at him anymore. Whatever had started the fight was long gone from your memory. You didn’t care anymore. You just wanted to get back to how you used to be.

“I knew you were gonna be here today.” You confessed. “That’s why I showed up.”

“Really?” Tom asked and took a step closer to you.

“Really. I just didn’t want to have this conversation over the phone. That’s why I haven’t been answering your calls.”

“And what conversation might that be?” Tom asked and got even closer.

“The ‘I really miss you even though you’re a massive dingus who doesn’t deserve me’ conversation.” You said with a sheepish smile. Tom smiled in return and moved some hair off your face.

“I am a massive dingus.” He agreed. “And I don’t deserve you.”

“I already established that.”

“But what was that? Did I catch you saying you miss me?” He asked playfully and cupped his ear. You rolled your eyes and stepped into his arms to hug him.

“Of course I do. All the photographers I’ve been sleeping with made me miss what we had.” You said against his chest.

“I’ve missed you too, darling.” He sighed happily. “Wait, what that now?”

“I’m kidding. Kind of. Can we make up now?” You asked and pulled out of the hug just enough to look at him. Instead of replying, he leaned down to kiss you for the first time in weeks. It felt like you were picking right back up where you left off as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“That was a joke right?” He laughed once you pulled out of the kiss. Your eyes darted to the side as you pulled out of the embrace.

“We should go inside.”You changed the subject. “I just have to get some more of those meatballs.”

Tag list 🏷️

@thebookwormlife @imanativeofswlondondahling

@tom-hollands-wifey

@whatareyouhidingpeter @takenbyheartstrings

@imyourliquor-youremypoison @andreasworlsboring101

@peterparkoure

@justcallmehitgirl @jackiehollanderr

@emmamarshmellow @unbelievableholland

@sovereignparker @every-marveler-ever @undiadeestos @eridanuswave​ ​

@solarxmoonchild @canyouevencauseicant

@quaksonhehe @lovelessdagger

@thesuitelifeofafangirl @marshxx @nooneinvitedfascistbarbie

@maybemona

@alexxcorona113 @lethal-wisdom

@pandaxnienke

 @officialsimppage @peterbenjiparker @itsemohours

@freakofmusic25 @tomholland85

@olixerwxxd @leilanixx

@whereismytelephone @so-very-asleep @white-wolf1940

@spideyspeaches @hihiweezing

@mathletemadison  

@dhtomholland @insomniac-nerd-posts-things @prancerrparkerr

@hallecarey1 @blackwidowisthebest @imawhoreforu

@ciarahollands

@nellabellaa @pinklxmonade @boogywoogywoogy

[marblemoonstones]

🩵 catharsis ~ chapter eight

main masterlist

series masterlist 

pairing: bts ot7 x reader

genre: collegestudentreader!au 

warnings: ❗️any characters in the story have nothing to do with their real life counterparts❗️f reader, reader with glasses, curse words,

word count: ~3.4k

a/n: i say this every time, but please excuse the cringe 😭

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The bus ride passes quickly and soon enough I reach the house. I brace myself as I open the garage door, knowing that the boys are going to (probably) bombard me with questions. 

Surprisingly, there’s no one around. I take my shoes off and place them where the normally huge pile is. 

“Hello? Someone?” I call out, scrunching my eyebrows as I search the main level. 

“Anyone there?” 

Silence. 

After thoroughly checking the ground floor I go upstairs, confused as to why there’s no one here even though Jungkook said he wanted to hang out.

“Jungkook? Taehyung?” I’m now frustrated, giving up on finding any human being in the house. 

I go into my room and throw my backpack on the floor. Huffing, I feel a little hurt that the boys said they wanted to hang out but aren’t here. 

Maybe I’ll take a little nap, I think, dejected. Tears well up in my eyes unwillingly, but I push them down. I can’t cry now; the boys could show up at any moment and I don’t need them to see me like that.

Instead, I shut the curtains on the balcony door (which also serves as a window), turn on the fairy lights around my bed, and grab the fluffy blanket on my bed. 

I remove my glasses after a moment of hesitation, then curl up on top of the bed with my blanket. My eyes close, but I am still alert, waiting to see if I hear any of the boys. But, after a couple minutes of silence, my body relaxes and I let a couple tears slip. 

Even though I was determined to not cry now, once I start I can’t stop. My eyes are already tired because of earlier with Haneul, but I don’t care. 

The tears started out quiet, but soon they’re full body-wracking sobs. I lay there with my hands over my face, body shaking uncontrollably. 

They never seem to stop. 

What’s wrong with you? Why do you have to care so much? You just want sympathy. Don’t think anyone actually cares. 

These thoughts run, darting around in my brain. But they’re neither whispering nor screaming; it’s a sort of constant, like I say it as a fact to myself. 

Why are you so stupid, Y/n? 

This echoes through me, unlike the others. 

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

God, I just can’t take it anymore. I curl up even more, begging my brain to stop. 

It never does.

~

I open my eyes hesitantly and rub them as they feel drier than a desert. Blinking, I turn to the clock and squint. I make out a blurry 2:46am and do a double take. 

Shoving my glasses on my face, I check it again, and it’s indeed the wee hours of the morning. 

Fuck. Where did the time go? And did the boys ever show up? How did I even fall asleep? I guess I cried myself to sleep. How sad.

In the glow of my fairy lights I make out a piece of paper on my nightstand that definitely was not there before. 

I pick it up and turn on my lamp. The handwriting is hardly legible, but I can make out the words.

Y/n, 

We saw that you were sleeping and didn’t want to bother you. We are so sorry for not being here earlier, we wanted to surprise you with gifts. But I guess we were too late. Please accept our apologies and take the gifts. 

We’ll talk more in the morning. I hope you know we are all here for you. 

Love,

Bangtan Boys

It’s signed by all of them at the bottom, and judging off of that Yoongi wrote this note. How sweet, they wanted to surprise me. I feel touched and relieved because now I know they weren’t trying to avoid me earlier. 

What gifts, though? I can’t accept more. They’ve already let me stay with them, and are so kind to me with taking me to class, picking me up, and allowing me into their private lives.

I throw the blanket off of me and realize there’s another thicker blanket on top in addition to my white fluffy one. It’s a pretty green color and has a bit of weight to it. 

This must be a gift from the boys. I sigh and spread it out on my bed, grudgingly admitting that it does look good in my room. 

I turn around and gasp. There on my chair is a giant bouquet of flowers and box of chocolates. On the floor by the chair is a giant stuffed panda.

For Y/n reads the card on the flowers. I marvel at the beautiful burst of color in the bouquet that seems to brighten up my dim room. Hoisting it into my arms I inhale a sweet scent of the lilies, hydrangeas, and delicate baby’s breath.

They’re too kind. I glance at the big chocolate box, sweetly in the shape of a heart and think that I need to thank them somehow. For now though, I should put these flowers in water. 

I try not to crinkle the cellophane loudly as I tiptoe down the stairs. The blooms dwarf my view a little, but I manage to put them on the table. 

I open a cabinet that I think houses vases, and find that I’m correct. I choose a semi-big one that has roses engraved into the glass. 

“Hey, how are you doing?”

I jolt. The vase drops and shatters on the floor, shards going everywhere.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to and-oh it’s everywhere!” I start to freak out and try to pick up the pieces. “How could I be so stupid? I’m sorry, how  can I repay you? I’m sorry-“

Warm hands envelope mine. I risk looking up and see the concerned eyes of Yoongi. 

“Hey, it’s okay. Take a breath,” he says, squeezing my hands softly. 

“But I broke your vase. I’m sorry-“

“Sweetheart, I know. But I need you to breathe with me, okay? You’re almost hyperventilating.” 

I stop short at that and realize that, yes, maybe I am breathing a bit fast and heavy. I attempt to take a deep breath.

“There we go. Now, let’s get you to the table, okay?” Yoongi guides me to a chair and I sit, still slightly in shock. 

“Alright, now I’m going to get a warm cloth for your hands, okay? Please stay here so I can help you.” Yoongi looks into my eyes and I nod, afraid to use my voice.

The flowers on the table mock me as Yoongi wets a cloth, grabs some bandaids, and comes back over.

“Here, let me clean your hands up.” 

I hold them out, and then do I register the small prick of pain from my hands. There’s a couple shards of glass stuck in my palms and I wince as Yoongi gently pulls them out. 

“Sweetheart-“ Again with that nickname. “Would you please tell me what happened?” Yoongi has now moved on to putting on the bandaids, carefully smoothing them out onto my skin.

It takes me a second to muster up the words.

“Well,” I begin softly, “I was going to put the flowers you guys gave me in a vase, but then I got startled by your voice and accidentally dropped it.” I panic now. “I’m sorry! I can’t believe I broke it-“

“Y/n. I don’t care about the vase. It’s not as important as you. Are your hands okay? You can’t pick up glass with your bare hands.” Yoongi’s brows are creased with worry now.

“Okay…I’m sorry again,” I whisper, looking at my hands in his.

“It’s okay. Never apologize for something that isn’t your fault. Did you at least like the gifts we gave you?” Yoongi subtly changes the subject, something I’m grateful for.

“Oh, yes. They were all so nice, Yoongi,” I gush, “The blanket was so soft and the flowers are so gorgeous, and the panda! You guys went all out and I’m so grateful for that.” 

Yoongi smiles his gummy smile. 

“I’m glad you like them.” Another voice huskily joins in. 

I turn my head and there’s Namjoon, running his hands sleepily through his hair.

“Hey, Joon. Do you mind getting a broom and helping me clean up?” Yoongi asks, standing up from the table.

I cringe internally, thinking that of course he doesn’t want to.

“Sure. Y/n, sit tight. You don’t need to worry after the day you had.” He flashes me a dimpled smile. 

I stay put, but sigh as I watch them clean up my mess.

“I’m sorry, again,” I say, pursing my lips as they sweep the glass away.

“It’s okay, Y/n. Accidents happen.” 

They finish cleaning up and Yoongi grabs another vase and fills it with water. He plops the flowers in and throws away the cellophane.

“I know that you’ve had a long day. Do you want to go back to sleep?” Namjoon asks.

“Not really,” I admit. 

“Okay, then do you want to watch a movie? Just sit and chill?” Yoongi offers.

“Aren’t you guys tired? You should go back to sleep because you guys have work tomorrow.” It’s literally like three am right now. 

“No, we want to make sure you’re okay first,” Namjoon says firmly.

“Okay. I guess could we just sit in the living room?” I hesitantly ask.

“Of course we can.”

We move to the living room and I sit on the end of the couch, Yoongi next to me and Namjoon next to him. Blankets cover us, but it’s still a bit awkward.

I slowly sink into Yoongi’s side, testing to see how he would react. He lets me and just tucks the blanket around me more. Leaning my head on Yoongi’s shoulder, I look up and see Yoongi’s normal face, albeit with a tinge of pink.

We sit there for a little bit, calm in the warm light of the lamp. Absorbing each other’s presences and soaking up the serene morning hours.

Soft steps down the stairs cause us to look up and there we see a sleepy Jungkook and Taehyung. 

“Hey. What are you two doing up?” Namjoon asks, stifling a laugh as Jungkook almost falls down the stairs.

“Wanted to cuddle but you weren’t in room,” Jungkook huffs out, leaning onto Taehyung. 

“And he dragged me down here,” Taehyung says, looking a bit more awake than Jungkook.

“Oh, Kook. Come here,” Namjoon says, accepting Jungkook as he buries himself into Namjoon’s lap. 

“What about me?” Taehyung whines. 

“You can sit with me,” Says a new voice. There’s Jimin, hands on his hips. “Since Kookie stole you from me, the least you can do is cuddle with me.”

We all laugh at that, and Jimin drags Taehyung to the loveseat, satisfied. 

It’s like when we were all on the balcony in pairs. Everyone gets enough love to go around.

“Now we’re only missing Jin hyung and Hobi hyung,” says Namjoon. 

“Don’t worry, they’re here now,” a voice calls out. And, sure enough, there’s Jin and Hobi,

“Yah! You brats were being so loud, it woke me up,” Jin complains, pointing his finger at us. 

“Our bad. But look, we can talk to Y/n now and give her our gifts!” Jungkook counters, suddenly becoming more awake if it means he can make Jin annoyed.

“Fine fine.” Jin dramatically lowers himself into an armchair, Hobi next to him.

“Wait, more gifts?” I ask. “But you already got me flowers, chocolates, and a giant stuffed panda! Which, by the way, was so nice and totally unnecessary.”

“Did you like the panda?” Asks Taehyung, “It was my idea!” 

I laugh. “Yes, I did enjoy it Tae so thank you.” 

“We’re glad you did. And we are so sorry that we weren’t here earlier when you got home. We had wanted to surprise you, like we said in the note, but by the time we had picked everything up and came home you were passed out,” said Yoongi. 

“And, judging off of the day you had, you needed your sleep,” said Hobi quietly.

The energy immediately shifts. 

“Yeah…about the rumors. Could we talk about it now? If not, we completely understand and respect your privacy. We just wanted to check in and see how you were doing,” Namjoon says.

I avoid their waiting eyes and look at the floor. 

“I appreciate that a lot. I’m fine, and the rumors aren’t that bad,” I say, wondering if they had heard of all the rumors.

“No offense, Y/n, but they seem to be kind of harsh,” Taehyung says. 

“No no they’re not that bad!” I protest, shaking my head.

Jungkook shoots me a look, then says “Yeah. They are. You being a gold digger is bad enough, but the other one is so much worse.”

Fucking hell.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I meekly say, avoiding Jungkook’s eyes.

“Don’t lie to me Y/n.” Jungkook’s mad now and I feel guilt shoot through me.

“I’m sorry about earlier Kook,” I say quietly. 

“Wait wait I’m lost. What’s the other rumor and what happened earlier?” Hobi interrupts, looking between Jungkook and I.

“Y/n, why don’t you explain from the beginning so we can all understand?” Jin asks, coaxing the truth out of me.

I decide to come clean, but I omit some of the details about who exactly started the rumors.

“Well…I heard from some people that there were rumors going around between you guys and me.” I hesitate for a beat before going on. “The rumors are that I’m just using you guys for your money and…” I fully stop now, unsure of how to explain the other one.

“Go on, honey. You can tell us. We’re big boys, we can handle the truth.” Jin says. 

The nicknames are getting out of hand. I feel flustered.

“It’s that I’m doing…things with you guys, if you get my drift.” I dart my eyes around, seeing if they get my underlying message.

The hyungs and eyes’ widen and I know they understood. Jungkook just looks at me. Jimin and Taehyung look confused so Hobi leans over and whispers something to them. Their faces change instantly. 

“I’m really sorry, honey. People who make up those rumors and especially the people who spread them are trash,” Jin declares. The rest of the boys nod their heads in agreement.

“Yeah. Fucking garbage,” Yoongi mutters. I look up at him in shock but he just looks tenderly down at me. 

“We’re always here for you, Y/n. That will never change.” Namjoon says this with such firmness, yet there’s a warm undertone to it.

“What about what happened with Haneul earlier? Jungkook said you two got into a fight,” Jimin says. 

“Well, uh,” oh god, this is so hard to say, “We fought because I lied to Jungkook about the truth.”

Their eyes widen and I go on.

“And I’m so so sorry, Jungkook. I should’ve told you the truth about the rumors. I’m sorry. I understand if you don’t forgive me, I feel so horrible,” I apologize to Jungkook, who just sighs. 

“It’s fine, Y/n. I forgive you, and I do understand why you didn’t tell me,” he says, “But, please in the future tell me and the rest of us the truth.” 

I nod.

“I will. I promise. Speaking of that, um, there’s something else you guys should probably know too about Haneul.” 

I stutter for what feels like the millionth time today and get a lump in my throat. Damn it, I can’t cry. Not again. 

I spit it out before I can cry again.

“She thinks the rumors are true.” 

Crickets don’t even chirp in the silence that follows.

“What the fuck?” Yoongi is the first to break the silence, staring down at me as I slither out of his grasp.

“Yeah. What the fuck, Y/n?” Jungkook echoes Yoongi’s sentiment. 

“Why would she think that?” Hobi’s face is neutral, but his eyes give him away. He’s livid.

“I don’t know. But don’t get mad at her. She’s probably just confused because she doesn’t know me and because I’m living in your house.” I try to plead with them to not overreact, but I know the damage is done.

“Guys. I’m serious. Please please don’t worry too much about her and the rumors. They’ll go away eventually. I can deal with them, I’m a big girl.” I hope the rumors don’t tarnish the boys’ reputation. 

“We won’t do anything Y/n, promise,” Namjoon says, eyes hardening to look at the rest of the boys, “Right, everyone?”

“We promise,” Taehyung and Jungkook say in unison, as Namjoon’s stare was mostly directed towards them. 

The rest of the boys chorus them and then Jimin pipes up, “We have to give you the rest of your gifts!” 

This successfully breaks the tense atmosphere.

“There’s more?!” I sputter out. 

They all laugh at that.

“Yes, sweetpea, there’s more.” This time it’s Namjoon.

Again with the nicknames! A girl can only take so much, especially at three am in the morning. 

“I already have so much, there’s no need for more. I love everything you’ve given me! And you’ve given me a place to stay too. It’s too much.”

Despite my objections Jimin goes to get a bag.

“Okay, so we all decided to make little personalized plushies for you, that way you can think of us when you cuddle with them, or even take one with you if you need a little extra friend!” Jimin says excitedly, bouncing up and down in his seat.

Personalized plushies? That sounds awfully like something a boyfriend do. 

“That’s so sweet of you guys!” I praise, touched that they went through all this thought and effort for me.

“Let us introduce them one by one,” Taehyung suggests.

First is Yoongi.

“Uh, mine is called Shooky and well, as you can see, it’s a cookie,” Yoongi mumbles. 

“Aw, so cute Yoodles!” I use his nickname and am happy to see him get a little flustered. 

I hold ‘Shooky’ in my hands as Hobi goes to introduce his.

“Their name is Mang! I know they have a mask on, but it’s removable!” 

I take it off, and there’s a cute heart smile on the character. I grin at Hobi and place Mang next to Shooky in my lap.

“Mine next!” Jimin insists, “Their name is Chimmy, and aren’t they so cute?” 

I have to admit the adorable yellow hoodie clad plushie is pretty cute. 

“Yes, Jimin, they’re adorable,” I say, grinning at the excited boy.

“I want to show her mine, “ Taehyung says in his deep voice. He pulls out a-wait. What is it?

“Their name is Tata! They’re a prince,” boasts Taehyung. 

Well, the heart shaped head does have a certain charm to it. 

“Nice, Tae. Now, what did the maknae come up with?” 

Jungkook is a bit shy as he introduces his.

“Their name is Cooky, and they’re a bunny.” Jungkook meets my gaze, seeking approval from me.

“Aw, that’s cute Kook! And I wonder how you came up with that name,” I tease, rewarded with a red Jungkook.

“Don’t tease the boy too much, Y/n,” says Namjoon, even though he’s smiling too. 

“Okay, then, Namjoon, show me what you got,” I challenge playfully.

He pulls it out and adds it to the pile on my lap.

“Well, their name is Koya and they’re a koala. They really like sleeping,” said Namjoon as he scratches the back of his head sheepishly.

A sleepy koala? I could see that in Namjoon.

Jin thinks the same thing, because he says “Yah, Namjoon-ah, that seems to really fit you.” 

“They’re adorably sleepy,” I muse, then turn to Jin. “Okay, last one.”

“Prepare to be dazzled, Y/n. I wouldn’t be surprised if mine is your favorite,” Jin says dramatically.

“Just show it!” Yoongi says, impatiently rolling his eyes. 

“Fine. This here is RJ, a lovable alpaca with a fluffy coat.” Jin gives it to to me and I will say, it is really fluffy and soft.

“Thanks, Jin. And thank you all. I really can’t explain how much this means to me.” I look down at the plushies in my lap and hold them close. 

“Of course. We’re so glad you like them!” Hobi says, smiling.

“I’m so lucky to have you guys,” I say, looking around at them. 

My heart feels like it’s healing, slowly but surely. 

I end up going to bed surrounded by the boys that are healing me. 

a/n: finished another chapter! woo hoo! also, i hope it’s clear but at the end mc falls asleep cuddling the boys; nothing else. ;)

[tojiscumdumpster]

CHAPTER EIGHT - READER

⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀✧ summary page

 Today has literally sucked every single last bit of energy I had left inside of me. Dark coffee with six packets of sugar and a fruit bowl could not have prepared me for the day I had. 

 I’m not sure if it’s because I stayed up late last night to put together lessons or how active my students have been during classes, but a bottle of wine is well needed right now. 

 Days like this make me want to quit my job and move out of the country. Usually, I would feel this way if I was teaching elementary school kids. Not high schoolers. 

 Sometimes they refuse to listen to you. Somehow, they magically forget about their homework, so they beg for an extension. And a lot of times they talk while they’re supposed to be silent reading. 

 It’s overwhelming being a teacher. Anyone who does it, is simply for the passion because the pay isn’t the greatest. 

  Thank goodness for my savings. 

 Anyways.

 I’m ready to go home. This parent-teacher conference is going on longer than expected, and it absolutely has nothing to do with the divorced single dad in front of me that won’t stop flirting. 

 Cons of being a younger teacher. Dads. Lots of them. Some are handsome, but I didn’t become a teacher to be hit on while trying to discuss their child’s grades and curriculum. 

 “Mr. Anderson, your son has been falling behind in class,” I begin. “He’s been on his phone lately and tends to talk over students while they're reading.”

 “I see. I’ll be sure to talk to him about that, Mrs. L /N.”

 I give him a tight smile— “Miss, —” correcting him. “Any other questions? I believe we discussed enough these past ninety minutes.”

  Even though the conferences are expected to last only thirty minutes, max, forty-five . 

 “Apologies thought a woman as attractive as yourself would be married,” he says with a smile that might’ve been charming if I was drunk, but right now—it makes me cringe. 

 I nod. “Well, I appreciate your compliment, Mr. Anderson. If there’s nothing else, then I do have to go-”

 “Dinner?”

 “Excuse me?” I stuttered. 

 He lets out a nervous laugh. “Sorry. That was my failed attempt at asking you out to dinner.”

 And here I thought I almost had him out the door. Like I said, some of the dads are attractive. I can’t deny that about Mr. Anderson. Tall. Smooth skin. Nice smile. Salt and pepper hair action going on. I would say he’s probably in his mid-forties. 

 However, I’m not interested in building a roster full of DILFs to keep in my bucket whenever I need sexual relief. 

 One should suffice.

 “Mr. Anderson, although I’m flattered, it’s best to keep this professional. I don’t want to get involved with my student’s father that way. So, I’ll have to decline.” What a hypocrite I am . “Come, I’ll see you out.”

 He gets up and follows me to the door. The woman in me knows he’s staring at my ass right now, so I turn to my side. And of course, I caught him in action. 

 “Apologies if I made you uncomfortable, Miss L /N.”

 “Apologies accepted. Enjoy the rest of your day,” I tell him, sounding sarcastic as ever. 

 Actually, two bottles of wine are much needed. 

 After two more excruciating hours at school, I eventually made it home. I think to myself one day I’ll leave work before it hits four, but I guess that’s inevitable when you’re an overachieving teacher like me. 

 To prepare myself for the next day, I usually stay later than usual to lay out all my lessons. However, I think it’s time for me to use one weekend to plan a month’s worth of lessons so I can stop staying so late. 

 Isn’t this what I complained to Nanami about? I remembered being tired of him staying after hours or bringing work to our home when all I wanted to do was read a book and lay under him. 

 It seems like his habits grew onto me. 

  The irony. 

 Probably if I had someone to come home to, I wouldn’t be thinking about work after I clocked out. Being single and thirty isn’t the worst thing ever, but I honestly thought I would’ve been settled down by now.

 That was the plan with Nanami. 

 I still can’t believe the nerve he had the other day during brunch. To ask me if we could try again after I already gave him two chances? Like I would ever sacrifice my happiness just so he could get his shit together. 

 My patience is high but not to that extent, and I refuse to wait for anyone to love me properly. I just hated that it had to be that way with Nanami. 

 We felt right together. He loved me. Made me feel beautiful. Extremely kind and gentle with me. I was one of those girlfriends that would “ my boyfriend” people to death because he made me happy. 

 Our way of meeting was such a cliché and it convinced me we were going to last forever. It’s only right to feel that way in a five-year relationship. 

 But after a while, what Nanami and I built became dull. Our relationship felt more like a chore than love between two people. It was transactional in a way that benefited him more than it did me. I didn’t want that anymore. 

 I didn’t want to become a wife and bring a child into the world with the possibility of being a single mother in a marriage. Nanami knew how much I wanted to start a family together, but he chose his principal duties over us. 

 I deeply sigh. “See what happens when you drink wine, Y/N,” whispering to myself. 

 Gosh, I shouldn’t even be drinking on a school night. I check my phone to not only see that it's eight-thirty, but also to be left with no new messages or missed phone calls from…

  Toji . 

 He’s had my number since yesterday, however, I have yet to hear from him. I mean, which is understandable. He works a late night job and has a fifteen-year-old son, so I’m not first of his priorities. Though, it would be nice to hear from him. 

 Thinking about Toji Fushiguro makes me feel like a high school girl who’s excited that her crush finally notices her. His gruffness, demeanor, how he carries himself. . . It’s different. I’ve had my fair share of relationships in the past before Nanami, but I’ve never come across a man like Toji. 

 At least, I don’t think so.

 A complete stranger Toji is to me yet the comfort he gives me is weird. Weird in a good way. I can only imagine how it’ll be the more we learn about each other. That’s if he doesn’t back out. 

 Only time will tell. 

 It’s time for me to go to sleep. If I stay up any longer, I’ll finish this bottle of wine and throw my mind into a frenzy for the rest of the night. But the minute I slipped into bed, my phone rang. 

 A number that I’m not familiar with calls me and I’m left to believe it’s only one person.

 “Hello?” 

 “. . . Hey .” I know that voice from anywhere. Deep, soothing, and spreads chills across my body. 

 “Mr. Fushiguro. Calling me after school hours? I’m not on the clock, you know?” I tease. 

 He chuckles, a little more faint than usual, but still a sound I enjoy hearing. “Remember you saying I can use your number however I please.”

 “I did say that didn’t I?” I can’t help but smile and stay up a few minutes extra to talk to Toji. “What’s up, big guy? You okay?”

  “Sounds like I’m not?”

 “A little.”

 He hums. “ I see. . . How was your day? ”

 It’s clear there’s something on Toji’s mind, but I’ll listen to him when he’s ready. 

 “It was… long. Draining,” I answer. “I was close to pulling my hair out.”

 “ Want to talk about it? ”

 I sit up in my bed.  “It’s just work being work. Not much to say that won’t cause you to get tired of hearing me talk.”

 The laugh he lets out this time has a little more life in it. “ I called you to hear you talk. . . Your voice is calming. ”

  He says things like this and expects me not to feel warm inside?

 “You need some calming?” I query. 

 “. . . Maybe .” 

 “Tell me, Toji.”

 I can only picture Toji staring into nowhere to see if he wants to open up to me or not. Whatever he shares, I’ll take it and offer my comfort. 

 He sighs. “ Was trying to have small talk with the kid about school and I guess that annoyed him. ”

 “What did he say?” I asked, knitting my brows together. 

 “ That he wanted to eat in silence, so he went to his room. ” 

 “He’ll come around.”

 Toji snorts. “ Yeah, I hope so. Took him school shopping earlier and he didn’t even want to be seen with me. ”

 “Did he tell you that?”

 “. . . No, I just assumed .”

 Although Toji isn’t physically here, I give him a reassuring smile like he could see me. “Assumptions will lead you to spiral. Next time try to be around him while keeping a comfortable distance,” I tell him. “I doubt it’s because he doesn’t want to be seen with you. I mean, Megumi is an exact replica of your face. It’s not like he can hide that you’re his dad.”

 “ You’re good with your words, Y/N. ”

 “I’m good at a lot of things, Mr. Fushiguro.” My tone came off way more suggestive than I expected but fuck it. I’ll blame the wine. 

 It’s like I can hear the smile on his face. “ You can’t say shit like that while calling me Mr. Fushiguro and expect me not to get turned on. ”

 “And what if that was my intention? Maybe to help get your mind off of things?”

 “ I can think of other ways for you to help. ”

 “You called me for some late night action?” I begin baiting. “What’s next? You’re going to ask me what I’m wearing?”

 “. . .  No... Well, if you want to share- ”

 I giggle, cutting him off. “Toji, anyways.” Hearing Toji genuinely laugh makes me feel better because I know how much mending his relationship with Megumi means to him. “I think you should continue with what you’re doing. I don’t know much about Megumi, but he seems like a kid that has to warm up. Even if you’re his dad, after years of neglect, comfort isn’t automatic because you’re blood. When he feels it, you’ll know.”

 “You’re right.”

 “Your mind feels cleared?” I try to contain my yawn, but it slips outs. I don’t want Toji to think he’s keeping me up because hearing from was actually the highlight of my day.

 “ After this walk and talking to you? Yeah. ” 

 “Don’t think it’s too late for you to be walking?” 

 “ Worried about me, Y/N? ” He asks, and I can hear the playfulness in his tone.

 I shrug. “Maybe. You’re a big boy, though. I’m sure you can take care of yourself.”

 “ I’m glad you know. ”

 I admire the comfortable silence Toji and I have sometimes whenever we talk. In a way, and hopefully he feels the same, it’s like we’re soaking in each other’s energy. And maybe Toji does feel the same since he decided to call when he needed help clearing his mind. 

 “ I’m keeping you up, Miss L /N? ”

 “Hm, I don’t mind giving you some of my time,” I pick on. “Just next time, schedule a conference.”

 He keeps the banter, saying, “ I’ll be sure to do that. . . I’ll let you go, though. Need your energy saved for Friday. ”

 “You’re going to put me to work on our date?”

 “ You’ll see, ” he says, smiling. “ And Y/N? ”

 I yawn again. “Yeah?”

 “ Thank you. ” An explanation of his admission isn’t needed. I know exactly why he’s thanking me. “ Night .”

 “Good night, big guy.”

 After we disconnect, I smile and internally feel giddy inside. It’s almost embarrassing how Toji makes me feel. I can’t help myself. 

 Going to sleep will be easier these next few days knowing I have something to look forward to on Friday. 

 As I described before, Toji Fushiguro will definitely be a beautiful catalyst that I’m excited to see. 

PREVIOUS CHAPTER | NEXT CHAPTER

discussion question #4 — reader has made it clear that she doesn't want to reconcile any romantic relationship with nanami anymore, do you think he will become an issue to reader and toji's developing relationship as the story progresses?

[lunerna21]

***I'm going to apologize now this is probably a long post but I just need to vent about this masterpiece of an event!***

I can full heartedly say Glorious Masquerade is giving me life again 😌

JUST EVERYONE BEING SUPER FUNNY AND NICE TO THE MC BUT I CANNOT STOP GUSHING ABOUT EVERYTHING INVOLVING THIS EVENT!!

FIRST OF ALL, I LOVE HOW MUCH OF A SWEETHEART DEUCE IS TO US!

DEUCE SPADE IS SOMEONE EVERYONE NEEDS IN THEIR LIFE HE IS JUST ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE AND I LOVE LOVE LOVEEE HIM

*cough* *cough* Unlike ANOTHER person who is a cheeky asshole who should learn from Deuce (I’m kidding I love you too Ace you stupid bastard)

The Grim and Malleus banter back and forth is fucking hysterical from us freaking out about not knowing who Malleus was previously to messing around ITS SO GODDAMN PERFECT

AND MALLEUS BEING SO INTERESTED IN SPENDING TIME WITH US LIKE ALCHENFIENDJ I LOVE YOU MALLEUS!!

(And Grim being protective of us 🥹❤️)

And Idia trying to convince Grim to sit in his lap 😂👏🏻

SEBEK ASKING AZUL TO SIT IN HIS LAP SO HE CAN BE CLOSE TO WAKA SAMA!? CRYING AT HOW SERIOUS SEBEK WAS!

I’d like to imagine we were sandwiched between Rollo and Malleus MY GOD THE TENSION BETWEEN THEM WOULD IGNITE THE WHOLE TOWN

Also, was anyone else crying and cringing deep DEEP inside when they keep saying so many good things about “The Righteous Judge”!?!

LIKE I WAS SEETHING AT THE FACT THAT EVERYONE COMPLIMENTED HIM AND KEPT GIVING HIM PRAISE

LIKE NO GRIM YOU ARE MORE GALLANT THAN THAT CREEPY OLD MAN PLEASE DON'T SAY THAT

IF ONLY THEY KNOW WHAT THAT MAN HAD DONE I HATE HOW OFTEN THEY COMPLIMENT HIM I JUST WANNA LAUNCH MYSELF THROUGH THE GAME AND DESTROY THAT DAMN STATUE

......But at least they're giving tons of lore, easter eggs and praise for both Esmeralda and Quasimodo (BECAUSE YOU KNOW THEY ACTUALLY DESERVE IT)

But Rollo just trying to convince us that there shouldn't be magic or mages....

…..Rollo honey noooooo that’s not how I see it

I mean yes, we’ve been through so much goddamn shit with the overblotters (CROWLEY AND ALSO ADEUCE ALONG WITH GRIM, I LOVE YOU GUYS BUT LIKE WTF) but to the point of subjugating people to potentially lose their magic permanently?!

Something they’ve probably worked hard for? Nah, that’s not okay

I would love to learn more about magic anything beats the curriculum in schools here in the US

THEN SEEING HOW MALLEUS ALMOST PASSED OUT FROM THE FIRELOTUSES!? THAT HAD ME REELING LIKE MALLEUS DRACONIA HIMSELF!? LEAVE THAT MAN ALONE!!

YASSSSS SILVER AND SEBEK! YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING!! MALLEUS HAS THE BEST GUARDS

BUT ONE FUCKING PART HAD ME ON MY KNEES READY TO FIGHT ROLLO!!

CARD SOLDIER!? CARD SOLDIERRRRR!?!

MY BOI IS BECOMING A MAN

MY BOI IS BECOMING A MAN

MY BOI IS BECOMING A MAN AND I CAN'T STOP BEING HAPPY FOR HIM EVEN THOUGH HE'S IN THE MIDST OF DANGER

…But anyway I’m getting psyched to see the last two parts cause this event is FULFILLING MY HAPPINESS ITS TOO MUCH

And Malleus Draconia….My sweetheart…❤️❤️❤️

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH HE IS JUST TOO MUCH I LOVE THIS MAN!!! ❤️❤️❤️

I cannot wait for the next part of the event, IM DYING TO SEE JAMIL AND RUGGIE BOND OVER USING OTHERS TO KEEP THEMSELVES SAFE!!

Now let me go daydream scenarios with all these lovable people while I wait for the next part, AND FINALLY WATCH THE FIRST PART OF STAGE IN PLAYFUL LAND! (ACE TRAPPOLA I NEED TO SEE YOUR SPOTLIGHT)

Enjoy the rest of your day, everyone~~~!!!❤️

[dansconcepts]

Quirky RC!Hajime - Talentsharer Drabble

Hajime sharing someone’s Ultimate if he touches them (or vice versa) would make SDR2 sillier, probably, and this is my evidence.

Behind The Scenes: “Ultimate Talentsharer? What the hell, that's not even a talent! How can you be good at something that's not even measurable?” Junko sighs. “No, fuck you, that's total bullshit! ...What? He's still able to share talents? What do you mean 'it's canon now'-?! Hey! Hey!” Manicured hands yeet her phone. “Ugh! He's supposed to be a normie, a basic bitch, just a regular fucking guy! What am I supposed to do now?!”

What is my talent? Hajime ponders to himself. The wind blows through the trees, caressing his face softly as he sighs, before turning to the white-haired guy next to him.

“You really want to help me figure out what my talent is?” 

Komaeda shrugs, a smile on his face. “Yes. I imagine it’ll be quite fun. I’m sure it’ll be a talent full of hope!”

Man, this guy is so nice. “Alright, but how do I start?”

The Lucky Student looks away for a second. “Hmm. Well, since we’re on the beach right now, maybe we could see if you’re the Ultimate Swimmer, or an athlete of some kind?”

Grayish eyes start roaming over his figure, studying him, and he can feels his face start to warm. He shakes it off. “I guess I’ll swim for a bit.” If only to stop myself from overheating. “You’re free to time me.”

He tosses his shirt off-

“Oh!”

Hajime blinks. “Is something wrong?”

“No, ahem, not at all, sorry.” He grins sheepishly. “I just didn't expect you to do that so suddenly.”

“Why? Do I look bad?” He frowns. Although he doesn't remember much, he does know he was pretty devoted to his exercise routine for a while in preparation for being a Hope's Peak student. But he didn't fill out in the way he was hoping for, so maybe... He looks down at himself.

From the corner of his eyes, he sees white hair swishing and hands moving as Komaeda frantically shakes his head. “No! I didn't mean anything like that! You have an amazing physique. I apologize that I even sounded like I was insinuating otherwise.”

'Physique'? Who says it like that? He huffs, amused, even though he can feel his chest puff with a little pride. With careful folds, he rests his shirt into a pink, as if sunburnt, Komaeda's hands. He's so pale, it makes sense he'd be red even with the breeze...

Hajime tips his toes into the water. The chill sends shockwaves through his body as he cringes at the sensation. He takes a deep breath and tries again. He starts walking in further and further, watching the water rise as he slowly submerges inside. While he's pretty sure he knows how to swim, he doesn't feel anything particularly special when he gets in.

Komaeda calls him back after a bit. “Well, you’re definitely fit, from the looks of it.” He grins. “But it still looked pretty average.”

Yeah, I figured as much. Hajime sighs.

“Oh, there's always more hope, Hinata! Why don't we try something else? Like...” He turns, before whipping back to him. “How about music?”

With that, they head to the Titty Typhoon for some instruments. On their way, Ibuki plows into Hajime.

“Oof!” He exclaims.

“Whoa whoa whoa!” The musician staggers on her feet, her arms flailing. Komaeda reaches out to steady her. “Thanks Nagi-chan! Sorry, Hajimeme!”

Hajime breathes. “It’s alright, Ibuki.”

“What are you in a rush for?” Nagito asks.

“Ibuki promised Kazu she’d help him with a playlist for one of his little machiney-sheens and she mayyyyyyy be running late!” She blurts out. “Sorry, gotta blast!”

She runs off. 

Hajime sighs. He can hear her frantic apologies to Souda. Guess he wasn’t that far. 

They keep going. You should escape, skip town / No more excuses / Abandon ship or drown / No more excuses. The song plays in his head. When they reach Titty Typhoon, him and Komaeda peruse the spare instruments available, with Nagito grabbing the microphone stand.

“A mic?” Hajime eyes it dubiously.

“You have a nice voice.” Komaeda comments.

“H-huh?” Shit, was I humming out loud?  

Nagito hums. “Maybe that’s your talent. How about you sing something?”

He definitely doesn't recall having much of an interest in singing or even doing it ever, so if he’s the Ultimate Singer, it sure would seem strange. But that guitar…

He picks it up and strums. He doesn’t remember owning a guitar, but he must have if he knows how to play it already. As if muscle memory kicks in, he starts playing opening notes and the words escape his mouth, singing along to the song previously in his head.

When he’s done, he steals a look at Nagito, who is looking at him with wide eyes. “Um, we already have an Ultimate Musician, so maybe you’re the Ultimate Guitarist? ...Trash like me’s opinion is useless though.”

Hajime presses on. “But what did you think?”

“I-” Nagito pauses. “I thought it was amazing. You have a really powerful voice.”

Hajime grins. Something in him feels the silliest urge to hug him. He ignores it, and just puts a hand on his shoulder instead. “Thanks.” 

“W-well again, I really-!”

“No. If it wasn’t for you, I’d have no idea what my talent could be. So thanks.”

Later on, Komaeda exits to grab Ibuki for a second opinion, and Hajime attempts to replicate his performance. He's on the stage again. It feels strange to be at the center, having pairs of eyes on him, even if it's just Komaeda and Ibuki.

The microphone feels foreign in his hands, the guitar even more so. This doesn't feel right anymore. What did he do earlier? Just move his hands on strings? He does that. Simultaneously, his voice cracks when he opens his mouth. He wants to evapourate into a damn puddle.

“It's okay if you're nervous, Hajimemey!” Ibuki yells, “I get those kind of jitters allllllll the time! What works for me is feeling the music!”

Yeah, just feel the music Hajime... “Haha, sorry.” He tries to laugh off. “Let me try again.”

This time, he starts gentle, singing first before grabbing onto the guitar. He strums, and-

SNAP!

The guitar string breaks. He barely even did anything!

Loud feedback starts playing on the speakers, and Ibuki yelps, covering her ears.

Komaeda immediately steps towards the speakers, yanking the plug off with a ferocity he didn't expect him to have. “Um. My apologies. It must have been my luck that caused the speakers to turn loud. Are you alright?” 

“I’m...” Horrified. “fine. I'm sorry, Ibuki. I even broke the guitar string too...”

The musician rubs at her ears. “Ah, Hajim-jim, it's all good! I'm just gonna go repair the guitar string. Ibuki just needs to find a spare.”

Hajime looks down, embarrassed at wasting her time. And oh, would you look at that? A white string is right next to him. How lucky. He grabs it, going, “Is this it?”

“WAH! Perfect! Thanks!” She grins, snatching it out of his hand. She grabs the broken guitar and immediately runs off again.

And he's left with Komaeda once more. He chuckles sheepishly. “...On second thought, maybe this isn’t my talent and just beginner’s luck?” 

“Undoubtedly.” The white-haired student shoots out. “Without a question.”

He barks out a laugh. God, was he really that bad? He reflects on it. No, yeah, he was pretty bad.

They go around, tidying the place with amicable silence.

Suddenly, loud sirens start blaring throughout the island. He whips to Komaeda, whose eyes are just as wide as his. They both immediately rush out. A flurry of movement is caught in the corner of his eye as he runs past, meeting most of his classmates at the beach. There's confused noises and fingers pointing at the sea in front of them.

What is everyone looking at? He wonders. He looks out into the horizon.

What was originally calm and serene now had some kind of bump, as if a large wave was incoming. But that's impossible, right?

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Monokuma pops up behind them. “What the hell is this? Why'd the tsunami warning alarms go off?!” Oh, of course that's it... what is happening today? “Hell, I didn't even know we had those!” His red eye glowers. “What did you crazy kids do?!”

“We didn't do shit!” Fuyuhiko roars. “Is this supposed to be another motive? I thought you said you couldn't hurt us directly!”

“Ah, yes... this is totally a part of the plan... NOT!” The bear growls.

Monomi shuffles out from behind Monokuma, sobbing, “Oh, this is so bad!”

“Shut up! I'm trying to figure out how to fix this!”

“This must be my fault...” Nagito sighs. “I'm sorry everyone. But we can only unite during this moment of despair to create a newfound hope!” His words are immediately washed away with everyone screaming and crying.

“Hajibro!” A familiar voice yells, and upon turning his head, he sees Souda approaching him, and quickly. “It was nice knowing you!” The mechanic hugs him desperately.

“Everyone, we must start to evacuate!” Sonia yells. Gundham nods. “The god of darkness may greet our souls, and I shall defeat him before we descend into his realm!”

There's no way this is how it ends! He hasn't even figured out his talent yet! Why does it have to be like this? Surely, there's gotta be something that can be made to counteract this... He'll need fuel, a large fan, maybe? Wheels to ensure it can be moved... steel... a wall?

“I have an idea!”

Hajime shares his idea with Kazuichi, who blinks tears out of his eyes and peers up at him curiously. “Didn't know you were into mechanics, Hajime. Man, you really do listen to my rambles! This is why you're my soul bro!” It's definitely not that, but I'll let him have this. He nudges Souda to focus, damn it. “Oh, yeah! I could see that working. The problem is we don't really have the parts on this island for any of that...”

“It's impressive you came up with that in such short notice, Hajime. Maybe you're the Ultimate Inventor?” Nagito tilts his head. As much as Hajime would love to address that- it's a really good point actually- there's not enough time anymore!

The water gets closer and closer, its wave oh so high-

before crashing against the beach, providing them a gentle mist while soaking the sand and settling back into serene waters.

“What?!” Hiyoko screeches. “How in the hell are we not dead?!”

Mikan wipes away tears of relief. “It looked much more threatening earlier...”

“Our hope was high, thanks to Hinata! It turned our luck around!”

“Awesome!” Akane yells out victoriously.

Yeah, I don't know about that Komaeda... I'm just glad nothing bad happened.

“Okay, I'm back!” Monokuma's voice rings. The bear does a double take at the scene in front of him. “What the hell?! It's gone?! Damn it! All that work for nothing!”

[life-set-to-random]

Oh dear lord… the Ninja Tribunal arch. So much to unpack. Give me strength…

I’m going to try and be fair, I’m going to mention something positive for every complaint I make. I don’t want to be that person after all.

Firstly, please, please, for the love of all things , STOP CALLING OUT ATTACKS LIKE A CHEAP 90S ANIME DUB!!! The original cringe. 😖

Ok, nice thing time. These four were very likable (if not superfluous). I found myself wanting to know more about them and even shipping some of them with the Hamato brothers, if not romantically then at least as besties. Sadly they spend the entire arch building up friendships between these humans and the Turtles only to kill them off in the end. But it feels SO forced. We weren’t given enough time with them to really cry over them as individuals so much as morn the wasted potential they were brimming with. I get they couldn’t kill off the Turtles and thus needed some “Red Shirts” to try and sell the high stakes, but still.

And what about the relatives they were threatened with in the first episode of the arch? Joi Reynard’s Aunt who lives in Japan (I’m assuming Army or Navy brat, she’s WAY too caucasian to even be half Japanese, I’m assuming French ancestry), and Adam McCay’s brother (who never gets a name) in Miami Florida? Faraji Ngala and Yoshida Tora aren’t given specific loved ones to fret over but Tora obviously has someone because he apologizes to Mikey “…our families are at stake.”

Did anyone notify those poor people that their relatives died?! Because they weren’t even mentioned after this.

Side note while we’re on the subject of the folks left behind back on the home front, I hope April or one of the other human Allie’s back in NY are taking care of Klunk. With the way the Hamato clan keeps getting kidnaped for long periods of time, the poor fluff ball could starve easily.

These four, ugh where to start?

Positive note, beautiful visual designs, if not a westerner’s usual hodgepodge of Asian fantasy stereotypes. 🙄😑

Weak backstory, contorting groundbreaking original canon for this series into a very boring and predictable bit of nonsense. Completely unnecessary and obviously half assed, to the point where the Turtles sum it up so succinctly you want to say to Splinter and The Ancient One “That’s how you tell a story!”

Oh and their attitudes sucked! Almost as bad as their communication skills. Thankfully, when he arrived, Splinter flat out called them out on their crap. “How can they prepare themselves if you do not tell them anything?!”

Probably should say something positive again… Um, their voice actors were great?😅 And I love the juxtaposition of the girl being the one to represent strength and having a huge man representing stealth.

The weapons. Positive observations, they’re real weapon types and are actually pretty cool looking. Also it’s nice to see the boys deviated from their comfort zones (not Leo unfortunately, the writers just can’t separate him from swords in their minds apparently). How Leo gets his is so infuriatingly complicated when it didn’t need to be and falls into the trope of “black guy dies first” (then the girl, then the sweetheart, then the cool dude. Did we take a wrong turn into a late 90s horror movie or something?).

The monsters. None of these creatures look like their Japanese inspiration AT ALL! And none of them are Tengu, Tengu doesn’t even mean “demon”! They just stuck Tengu on the end of every other Japanese Yokai name! For no good reason!

I kept hearing that line from Princess Bride in my head. “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

I’m not even Asian and I’m so offended and confused, I can’t imagine how an actual member of the Japanese culture must feel getting shit on like this. Whoever wrote this arch did not respect the source material, the source culture, or the audience because they obviously assumed we were all stupid unaware kids! Ether that, or they were seriously lazy, I suspect both.

And if you’re going to give an English speaking cast of white people Japanese words to say, TEACH THEM HOW TO £¥€&ING SAY THEM CORRECTLY! Jeezus Henry Christmas! (Best Herminone Granger voice) It’s “Oh-Knee” not “On-Eye”!

Bright side, they do look awesome.🤷🏻‍♀️

Im going to have to post about the Tribunal’s dragon forms on another post, I’ve run out of picture space.😑

[coral-melon]

hiii i saw the matchups thing on the om tag and thought pog i wanna do that so here we are

personality:

gonna be honest with you, im kind of closed off and dont talk to people unless im talked to first BUT i do get very talkative and extroverted when at stuff like cons because i think "wow all these other people are cool and like the same thing as me"

but i still get shy and extra apologetic around people i view as cooler than me like cosplayers. like i will read way too much into an interaction with a cosplayer and sob.

also im kind of... nuerodivergency... in that i do things that i consider friendly but other people think is creepy. like ill make jokes and talk to someone like i would to my friends and i mean well but to them im probably really weird

anyway around friends i just like to be affectionate (if close friends) make jokes and be a silly lil man :3 but im kind of cringe and make references to things i like and memes but hey we are all cringe

strengths:

im good at drawing and singing.. i think? and people say im good at comforting and being rational in emotional situations

weaknesses:

garbage self esteem, ridiculous expectations of myself and also i have the too tired to get out of bed or do anything at all or take care of myself syndrome and also sometimes i lash out butthatsjustbecauseiliveinaplacewhereimnotallowedtoshowwhenifeelupset

looks:

157 cm, im quite thin like more than normal, pale and i look really like hong kong chinese (but im not) i have hair like yumeko jabami and unfortunately im flat

hobbies:

besides drawing, i REALLY like gaming like its my jam and im kinda good at some of them

other:

cats... my beloved <3 i also really really love cutesy stuff like pink and sanrio and stuffed toys.... also im a little mental illness.. and nuerodivergency... but i remain silly

Hello anon! Sorry for the hold up ^^’

Thank you for taking the time to introducing yourself and I hope you end up liking what I wrote for you! I’m also praying it doesn’t feel too out of place ._ .,

I match you with…~

✧ Have a hard time getting out of bed? Not a problem! It’s not like he’d let you leave anyway.. who do you take him for? ((Beel would be the one to make sure the two of you are still alive and well fed👍✨))

✧ When your around him, people would never think of you as odd or weird considering some of the things he says with a straight face.

✧ Never feel self conscious about the things you say or how you say them around him, he’ll understand what you mean even if you didn’t word it correctly. It’s like a six sense that he has.

I’m sorry, I really wanted to write a bit more about your neurodiversity but I suck and I wouldn’t want to offend you in any way.. ;-;

✧ I also imagine him not letting you be apologetic with anyone; why do you have to apologize when it was a mistake for the person to exist in the first place, boo? ;)

✧ Though will tease you if he finds out that you think his cool and all. Gives him a lot of material to work with! Above all though, he likes being able to have a good laugh with you. Your laughs is very soothing to him..

✧ Thought cosplaying was weird — mostly cuz of Levi — But is very open about it if your the one talking about it. Surprisingly also stays fully awake if you go on a tangent about a topic.

✧ Sing him a lullaby, he’ll remember it for all eternity. It won’t leave his head and will force you to come over just so you can at least hum it to him.

✧ He also doesn’t care how thin you are, he always find a way to lay on you in the most comfortable positions. He’s an expert, so don’t even worry about it! >;D

✧ Will most definitely get you any and all stuffed animals and pillows. Not only do you get happy, it also makes your bed a lot more comfortable for him to nap on. He’d give you all the ones the world could offer in a blink of an eye if he could. Nevertheless, you have a large collecting thanks to him!

✧ He attentively watches the things you do, but you can’t really rely on him actually joining you since he might doze off and hit his head somewhere.

End

You said u liked cats and cute stuff and I happened to find out that there was a card of him with cat ears and thought, ‘oh, this works!’

If this bothered you in any way, please let me know! It’ll be good to have some things pointed out if I made any sort of mistake

But other than that, I hope you liked it! Take care✨

[girlvinland]

Going to apologize in advance for how cringe this probably is, but it’s my home and we’re okay with that here- myself or anyone else’s.

For a long time I’ve been really aware that I put bits and pieces of myself into my OCs (probably pretty common I guess? since a lot of the time it’s easiest to write from our own experiences). For me it includes sexual experiences/feelings, and like, obviously writing and developing some random characters wasn’t what pushed me to come out, but I think those things did contribute to my own processing of my own feelings about myself and the past and different experiences I’d gone through. I guess it was for me easier to place all of those things (especially any of the traumatic experiences) onto entities that aren’t actually real or whatever instead of sitting down and journaling and like “here are the specifics of what happened”, etc. Is it as healthy? I have no idea tbh lol. It’s probably not necessarily a bad thing though.

Anyway, something specific I’ve thought about for idk, a year or so, is how I HC/write one of my chars as a stone top. And it was kind of like, a natural progression of me working out my sexuality from a het standpoint (like, always imagining myself as the male char in a het relationship) to loosening whatever internalized homophobia or idk lack of knowledge I had about things in general and putting all of that stuff onto a char who was more similar to me (afab but with kind of nebulous experiences around gender, into women, etc). But it’s like, it wasn’t a conscious decision to make the char more like myself, it just kind ended up going in that direction with how I wanted them to be.

ANYWAY there’s a point to this, I swear. It’s a lot of stuff I don’t even think I realized I was doing, but I was placing how I experience my own sexuality onto the character without even fully unraveling everything about said sexuality yet. Like, my experiences with women were really limited before and were from over a decade ago until now. That’s a really long time for someone to go through personal understanding and development, you know? But I know how I’ve always naturally felt in those instances too. I like to touch, I don’t like to be touched (with some really specific caveats to that, like, above the waist is okay or if there is a lot of trust, there may be some loosening in what I’m okay with). I don’t like things being done to me bc it literally does nothing for me while giving does everything for me. Idk why, it’s just how it is. It’s probably stuff I need to talk through in therapy. Or. Maybe just accept?

But all of that felt like stuff I knew internally, never putting a name to it or anything, and then it was like, the first night M and I were together and she tried to touch me I instinctively just reached for her hand to stop her, and she just looked at me and asked if I was stone, and I was like. Ah, yeah, I guess I am. Idk why it’s easy to project these things onto characters but then like, never recognize it irl until someone has to say it out loud, like, a yeah no shit sherlock moment at myself.

Idk why I’m writing all of this honestly. I guess it’s just to like work some of it out and get things out there.

[hyunlore]

life and death

pairing: mythicalcreature!jeongin x human?y/n 

genre: s2l, fluff, angst, fantasy, royals au, college au

wc: 1.2k

rating: pg-13

warnings: if awkwardness counts :1

summary: wake up, eat, class, study, repeat. that’s all i’ve been doing the past three months since starting at shin university. i knew being a freshman at such a prestigious college would be difficult but why did i have to fall for him too?

my first time publishing my own original writing on tumblr let’s go 🙌🏼 this can also be classified as a teaser for an upcoming fic i’m planning so any and all feedback on this is much appreciated! happy reading <3

with a huff, i put yet another book back in it’s place on the shelves. rolling my shoulders back, i pull out my phone. 5:54pm. i’ve been here for almost three hours which means the building closes in less than ten minutes. i jam the device back into the pocket of my jeans. “i should’ve never agreed to take on this essay” i grumble to myself, walking around the corner to check the other side of the shelf. now i know why no-one else had taken the opportunity to get some extra credit for this class.

at this rate, i won’t even be able to start. picking up another book i flip it around to read the back. my eyes skim over the text but it doesn’t tell me anything i’m looking for. “this is getting ridiculous.” i huff and my voice must be louder than i thought because i can hear someone shush me from a few stacks away. head snapping up, i try peering in-between the shelves but i only see a flash of dark green and denim then nothing.

i feel my shoulders slump and i lean forward, resting my forehead against the books in front of me with a groan, “how am i supposed to find information about mythological creatures when there’s absolutely zero mythological creature books in here?”

“you probably won’t find any.”

i let out a squeak and the book i was holding slips out of my fingers.

i clear my throat and turn and see a boy dressed in a dark green hoodie over blue cargo-style jeans and white chunky sneakers. oh. so it was him. his black hair almost completely covers his eyes as he watches me from where he stands at the end of the row. his face is familiar and i know i’ve seen him around campus before but i don’t remember where.

his voice when speaking doesn’t at all sound like it did when he was shushing me a few moments ago. it was deep but light and a wave of calmness washed over me until he blinks and i’m broken out of the trance. he clears his throat and walks over, crouching down to pick up the book i’d dropped, the pages open and folded underneath it’s own weight. i cringed. the librarian will definitely be on my ass about that later. she’s always hovering close by when students come in here. it’s as if she thinks the books hold more value than their obvious educational purposes. he stands back up and leans over me, intending to put the book back where i’d pulled it from. if i moved even an inch, we’d be touching. i try to keep still, taking in air through my nose and almost coughing it right back out. his cologne is so strong. sweet like honey but laced with smoke and i’m instantly addicted to it.

he stops just as it starts to fill my senses and fog up my brain, moving back still holding the book. did he know i could smell him? my eyes follow his as he holds it out towards me, his expression blank. i reach out to grab it, my fingers brushing against his and we both flinch. it felt like i’d touched the sun itself but wasn’t hurt by it. we quickly step away from each other and i see his hands twitch at his side. i finally notice that his fingers are lightly discoloured and marks of pink and red stretch over the pale skin on the back of his hands. burns? they twitch again and i realise i must’ve been staring for too long.

“i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to stare.” the apology already half way out of my mouth when he moves to shove his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. no reply. he just looks at me, his eyes widening a little before falling back into that blank expression i’m already starting to get used to. i fiddle with the books pages wondering if i made him uncomfortable and go to apologise again but before i can say anything he starts speaking although a little quieter than before.

“its fine,” he shuffles on his feet a little. oh right. he probably has study work to finish. “don’t worry about it.” he shrugs as if i had merely bumped into him, not rudely brought attention to a probably traumatic experience for him. i just nod my head, biting my lip slightly and turn to put the book back.

i hear him clear his throat and i spin back around.

“why were you looking for books about mythological creatures?”

“ah, that?” i try to laugh but it comes out as more of a sigh, “i told mrs lee i would submit a creative writing essay for extra credit because my grade in english was falling.” i take a few steps away from the bookshelf towards him.

his face shows no understanding of what i’m talking about so i continue, “i picked mythology because its such an over-used topic and i thought it would be easy to find resources but as you can see i’m in a slump.”

saying it out loud makes me remember where i am. i gasp pulling out my phone, seeing 6:06pm light up my lockscreen. my eyes widen, “we gotta go, the library should’ve been closed by now.” walking past him, i make my way through the stacks and back to the table i was working at. throwing all my pens into the bottom of my bag and grabbing my notebook, i jog back to the row where the boy is but as i turn the last corner and look up, he’s gone. i slow to a stop, my bag sliding off my shoulder. i couldn’t have been gone for more than a few seconds. i didn’t even get to ask what his name was.

˗ˏˋ ✧ ˎˊ˗

adjusting the bag on his shoulder, the boy speed walks further and further away from the library, twisting and turning down the empty hallways of shin university. pushing the door open to the men’s bathroom, he rushes inside, going towards the mirrors on the far wall, the conversation he’d just run from still replaying in his head.

“i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to stare.”

he was caught off guard. his scars have never been visible by anyone other than his brothers. dropping his bag on the floor behind him, he moves his hands up in-front of his face turning them back and forth. still the same old discoloured and scarred skin, nothing had changed in the three minutes it took for him to get here. but how? his brows furrow, watching the skin ripple as he closes his fist. blowing a puff of air through his lips he pulled his phone out of his pocket, dialling the one person who he thought would be able keep a secret.

“chan hyung?” wincing as his shaky voice echoes slightly around him, “can you meet me at the dorms,” his phone suddenly vibrates. a notification. pulling it away from his ear he checks the screen.

this is message is regarding an anonymous claim against you for potentially revealing forbidden information to a human and in turn jeopardising the clé court safety and secrecy. if this activity continues, your family status in the yellow wood council will be reviewed and terminated if deemed necessary.

jeongin swallows hard, his throat suddenly completely dry. he brings his phone back up to his ear, “alone.”

[sozero]

On Forgiving Yourself

I am constantly reliving memories of me not at my best. Embarrassing moments going all the way back to my childhood, moments of vulnerability, terrible things I did to people who maybe didn’t deserve it. A highlight reel of all of these moments in time that I desperately wish I could just forget, which invokes a self-loathing so strong I feel it in my very bones and I wonder if I ever had the capacity to be good. (I recently found out that there’s a term for this, it’s called a “cringe attack”)

When we make mistakes, or hurt someone, we often want to go back to them, and beg for forgiveness, or rationalize and explain the reasoning behind what we did. But this is not for the sake of the other person. It’s to make ourselves feel better. This isn’t to say that we aren’t sorry, but sometimes our apologies have ulterior motives and we don’t even realize it.

I believe this comes from a need for external validation. Low self-worth. You want reassurance that you’re a good person. You want reassurance that you are good enough and worthy. (You don’t need someone else’s forgiveness in order for you to forgive yourself. You must forgive yourself regardless.)

For me, understanding and empathy can play a big part in forgiveness, I think. When I’m able to put myself in someone else’s shoes, it’s easier for me to forgive them, rather than staring at them in anger and contempt, wondering “What the hell is wrong with you? Why did you do that?”

And when I make mistakes, this is often the way I talk to myself, in my head, anyway. But when I take time by myself to reflect on my actions (I know it sounds corny, whatever idc), I’m able to understand where that came from and empathize and say “Oh. That’s why.” Having empathy is the first step towards forgiveness. (I sound like a camp counselor)

But even when I understand why I did what I did, I know that the other person probably doesn’t. And this makes me want to explain myself, because maybe if they understand, they can validate my experience and forgive me. But like I said, this is only to make myself feel better.

The hard truth is, no one owes you forgiveness. Sometimes, when you make a negative impression on someone (whether it’s on accident or not, maybe you’re having a bad day, perhaps your cat just died, whatever), sometimes that bad impression is going to stick and there’s nothing you can do to change that. Does that mean you’re a bad person? Of course not. But ultimately, there’s nothing you can do about it.

The beauty of life is that there are so many people on this earth, and there is always an opportunity to be a better person, make new connections, or even try to mend old ones. The beauty of life is being able to try again. There are people out there willing to get to know you, who want to understand you and who will try to.

So when you find yourself in a situation where you’ve wronged someone, and they don’t want to forgive you, they don’t want to understand you, don’t take it as a challenge to prove how good a person you are. You don’t get to decide if someone else’s opinion of you is valid or not, and how someone else feels about you isn’t indicative of your worth. Don’t beg for forgiveness, and don’t beg to be understood. Don’t try to change their narrative. Trying to understand why someone thinks and acts the way they do is incredibly taxing. Forgiving someone who’s wronged you is freaking hard. These are tremendous asks of someone, and you must accept that not everyone is willing to give this to you, and they don’t have to. No one owes you anything. The only person who can always forgive you, and the only person who will listen with empathy in order to understand you, is yourself.

If and when you do get the opportunity to a second chance to someone you’ve hurt, and you feel the need to explain yourself, ask yourself, if you want to explain yourself because you want the other person to understand you better, to strengthen your connection, or if you want to explain yourself in order to rationalize your actions and bring solace to your guilt. (I don’t know if I used solace correctly. Ah well. Can’t be helped.)

If you’re not interested in having a relationship/bond/connection with this person, let them misunderstand you. You don’t need to be understood or liked by everyone. Someone else’s opinion of you is none of your business. This quote comes to mind that I think about often, “There’s always a chance of you being the villain in someone else’s story.”

This is all to say, learn to forgive yourself. As long as you are learning from your mistakes and apologizing when you are wrong, you aren’t a terrible person.

I guarantee you, that whatever you did that you feel is so horrible, there are people who have done the same thing and have gone on living their lives. Don’t let yourself be a prisoner of your own guilt. When you’re looking back at fucked up shit you did and cringing, that is a sign of growth, because your morals don’t align with your actions. You must forgive yourself and move on. Don’t punish yourself forever.

I wish I could tell you how to forgive yourself, how to accept and move on, but I’m still working on that myself. But something that makes me feel a little better is telling myself that my mistakes aren’t a life sentence. A fresh start is a mental construct. Tomorrow can be a blank slate if I want it to be. Today I will text my friends and tell them I love them. Today I will go outside and smile at everyone I pass. Today I will offer help to my family. Maybe I did something shitty yesterday, but I can always try to be a little better than I was yesterday.

TL;DR: Forgive yourself. Stop mulling over your mistakes and cringe-worthy moments. Everyone fucks up and does embarrassing shit sometimes. Accept the things you can’t change (like the past, or how others view you) and focus on what’s in your locus of control (like how you treat people in the present). You are not a terrible person, you’re just a learning what it means to be human.

[searenbound]

A/N: I just realized I accidentally wrote the premise of a 90s young adult romcom. I’m just going to embrace the cringe

On another topic, I have a fuckboy nerd agenda for Denki, very much gifted burnout child film student pansexual who likes tits over ass. Men and enbies can have tit ftr. And myself as a socially awkward nerd who is easy on the eyes but feels too intensely and talks too much. Psych major determined to better the world, wanting someone to love but too scared of abandonment to put myself out there. I would dress up for him and he would probably ask for me to tutor him despite being a solid B student. He would check my socials to see what I’m into but end up just saving all the selfies I posted. He would let me ramble saying he likes the sound of my voice whenever I apologize. He would sit on my bed and watch me do my studying just to be able to have a comfortable silence. I’d be delighted to be his respite from hyper sexuality and meaningless chitchat purely used to fill the awkward post coitus silence. Originally determined to take my virginity only to discover a complex person behind the social awkward nerd front.

Ok but if we’re going with rom-com vibes then we need the emotional conflict reaching it’s peak that could be resolved with a talk.

Thinking his jealous best friend Sero who feels like you’re stealing his best bro away so he tells what Denki originally had planned and when you confront him with the info he doesn’t deny it but isn’t quick enough to tell you how those plans changed a long time ago and he just likes you for you now.

And later after seeing how genuinely heartbroken he is that you won’t talk to him Sero goes to you to explain he didn’t tell the whole truth and it’s best to hear it from Denki himself and how he should have never meddled in your business in the first place.

So you go just to get some closure, but Denki tells you everything from point a to b and all the little things that about you that he’s fallen in love with. He takes responsibility for it all even when he could have thrown his friends under the bus. Tells you he doesn’t expect you to trust him yet but if you could let him earn it he would show you how much he loves you.

[theramblingsofadork]

⋆｡°✩ Mini Update: ⋆｡°✩

UPDATED: Hey. So I’m not back yet, but I did want to deeply apologize for being so emo and cringe in my last two posts. Like— yikes. I feel very embarrassed I posted all of that, and admit I probably have some deeper issues I need to work through.

(_ _ 💧

While the feelings expressed were (are) still very real, I hate looking back and seeing myself being that internet person who brings down the mood to such a depressing degree like that. I may be going through a rough time IRL which doesn’t help my confidence, but even so. This was supposed to be a happy account, with happy things, and it’s my bad that it didn’t remain that way. ✋ I’m going to do my best if I go forward to not do that any more.

In other news.. in my short time away already, I did manage to successfully pin down exactly why I was having such frustrations. And the clarity helps a lot. (You’re welcome to skip the next half if you want.)

1. I’ve felt very isolated and like I will never be able to fit into in this fandom for almost a year now.

— As someone who is used to being open about my interests and often hangs out in group chats with other fans, this is the first time I’ve felt isolated because of my hyperfixation on Starline and my want to write his redemption story. Almost everyone was cold or uninterested after hearing my excitement over him, and for a while I didn’t understand why.

Then I read Imposter Syndrome. And I understood. They’re very valid for hating him.

However, my hyperfixation over him didn’t go away, nor did my desire to write out a happier ending for him and my OC. A better ending where they could both be happy and become better people.

But with hatred over people with certain favorite characters being rampant in the fandom at the time, I was sure my happy end AU would make people come for me too. That they would think I was a morally bad person and should be ashamed for ever daring to consider shipping Rivet with him, much LESS give him a happy ending on top of that.

So, I was pressured to isolate and keep everything a secret, even from my friends. Make a new account where I was practically unknown. Where I could write my story and draw my fluffy art without having to worry about nuking my main if it all blew up in my face. And it worked for a time!

2. But then, I began to fear not meeting fan expectations.

— I was nervous but tentatively excited when people started noticing and liking my art and the AU. Surely his fans could enjoy this story! I wanted to make you all proud, and do Starline justice at the same time!

…But, I soon realized that I got some things about Starline’s personality wrong in the story. And suddenly, a new fear blossomed. A fear that if I ‘butchered’ his character in any way, or took away that haughty, arrogant confidence people adore him for, (even if it was for a good ending!) that his fans would start to turn on or give me a cold shoulder too.

*(Seeing as I was in a very bad spot at the time, with the AU being the only patch of happiness in my life, that thought terrified me. (And yes, I know it’s sad if an AU is the only positive thing someone has going for them, but we all do whatever we can to keep going.)

So, I’ve tried to quietly change things from what I envisioned to hopefully please the few consistent regulars I had who most likely had a specific vision of where I was going. Tried to gauge reactions based on my few likes, (or lack of likes), and adjust things accordingly, even if it made me more stressed. :’^)

…Needless to say, it… hasn’t worked out very well lol. I still did the exact thing I didn’t want to do, and have made a massive fool of myself. ^^; I’m big enough to admit it.

Honestly, I think… if I had just been brave enough to stick with my original story and not been afraid to be OOC or of people’s opinions on my writing, we probably wouldn’t be here now. In this awkward “should I stay or go” stage. But, we all live and learn. 🎸

Which, of course leads us to the present. Where does this leave us?

I still don’t know.

My revisions to make this into a story I think the fandom would prefer aren’t working, and I’m not sure my brain’s going to be able to come up with anything that will.

I still love the concept though, and will fight to the death to give Starline a better ending, so don’t think I’m ready to hit the delete button on this account yet.

…Nor am I sure if I have the guts to just write him OOC so the story can work.

(Honestly— you brilliant people out there who write crazy, dramatically different AUs and have no fear about it, I give you kudos. Y’all are legendary. ✨)

So for now, I’ll go return to my shadows and work on other things. Maybe focus on my characters’ canon for a bit, or take up fishing with Big and go live in the tundra as a monk instead. 🤣 Who knows? The future is wild.

If you’ve somehow made it this far, thanks. If I come back, I’ll try my best to make sure I make up for all this and just do the fun art you came here for.

Till next time~ 🍵

[casspurrjoybell-32]

Burn For Me - Chapter 3a

*Warning Adult Content*

Conner Carmichael

“What the crap,” someone exclaimed as we hit the floor.

I was in such a rush to leave I didn’t see the person walking down the hall.

A curtain of gold appeared in the corner of my eyes, as I collided with a soft body.

“I’m, so sorry,” I stuttered trying to get to my feet.

An annoyed tisking sound came from the person below me and I finally glanced down at them.

I found myself straddling Constance Sky, the neighboring pack Alpha's daughter.

She was one of the most renowned female wolves in our Elder Academy when we were seniors last year.

I had never met her before but I had seen her and heard of her ruthless mean girl ways and popularity with the male species.

And it was just my luck that I would be the one to run in to her.

“Get the fuck off me, dweeb,” she snarled as her green eyes glared daggers at me.

Quickly, I scrambled to my feet apologizing once more before lending her my hand which she smacked away with a huff.

“What the hell is your problem, Connor?” she snapped picking up her purse and wiped her short white skirt off, there were dirt stains already marring the clean fabric.

I opened my mouth to say something but suddenly I stopped… wait did she just say my name?

I thought in astonishment.

“You know who I am?” I asked staring at her with my jaw to the floor.

Queen bee knew my name.

I watched as she stopped for a second as something flashed in her eyes before she regain her composure and I frowned, what was that about.

“Well duh, doofus. You are one of the most lame person to ever walk these halls,” she scoffed, looking at me with such an absolute expression, I cringed back a little.   

"Ow."

“Now are you going to tell me what the hell you’re doing down in the west wing? This is a restricted area, closed off to students and visitors and that includes you loser. What are you doing at school anyway? Reminiscing about your pathetic high school years?” she said rising one perfectly shaped blonde eyebrow.

“Why are you down here? I’m pretty sure you graduated along with me, if I’m not mistaken?” I shot back.

Her face took on the color of a light pink.

“That’s none of your business, dumbass” she retorted with an elegant hair flip.

“Why do you keep insulting me?” I asked tilting my head in question.

“Because I want to” she shrugged.

‘That’s not even an answer,’ I thought internally rolling my eyes.

Then I remembered her question and it brought me back to why I had freaked out earlier.

“I think there’s someone in a giant metal box, down in the old prison cell,” I said pointing to the door behind me.

I watched her blink a few times as she looked at me like I had two heads.

“Well this was fun but I think I’m going to go now,” she said slowly, as she backed away but I reach forward, grabbing her by the arm.

“No, I’m serious. The school is going to do something terrible to them. I heard these men having an ominous conversation back there, like something big was going to happen tonight.”

That edgy feeling was coming back to me and it was crushing my chest with its invisible force.

For some reason, I knew it would be bad, if whatever these people had planned, where to succeed.

“Let go of my arm,” Constance struggled from my grip.

“Please. I know you’re a skilled Elder and we can get them out,” I pushed.

I was desperate to save this person and I had no idea why.

They could be some serial killer being contained.

“Why. Would. I. Help. You,” she stressed ever word as she tried to wiggle from my hold.

“Aren’t you a tad bit curious, as to why a school would lock someone up, in a place of learning? This is supposed to be a safe environment, why would they put us in danger like that? So the only other suggestion is, that they wouldn’t, which means that there is an innocent being held, against his will,” I said trying to validate the situation.

“You’re probably imagining things, now let go,” finally she got free, slightly stumbling in her heels before catching her balance.

“Now I’m going home, nut job,” with that she turned away.

“They are going to kill them,” I exclaimed causing her to stop mid step.

“That’s a pretty big accusation,” her back was still to me but I had her attention.

“Yes, it is but I believe in my gut that I’m right.”

“And if your wrong?” she said, turning her body slightly, to look at me.

“What if your overly active imagination gets us in a heap of trouble? You can’t forget that this isn’t just a school, this is the council’s territory and you’ll be meddling in their affairs.”

Her whole attitude switched suddenly it took me back a bit.

Her expression was so serious it sent a shiver down my spine.

I swallowed before straightening.

“I know but I’m not wrong,” I said, my words full of conviction.

The click of her heels echoed as she leisurely made her way past me giving me a sideways glance.

“If you’re wrong and the council ends up catching us down here and were punished for it, you’ll be my slave for a whole month.”

With that said she was back to her regular self again.

Constance shoved the wood door open, the screeching it caused grated on my ears.

I watched her boldly stomp down the stairs glancing around expectantly.

“So where’s this giant metal thingy you were talking about?” she asked gazing up at me as I rushed after her.

“It’s in the far back, you can’t miss it,” I said coming up next to her and walking with her to towards the back.

Once the metal box came in to view her steps faltered.

“Whoa, what the hell is that thing?” she asked moving forward to touch it and I quickly grabbed her hand mere inches from the cell.

"Don’t,” I warned, placing her hand back to her side.

She glanced at me with a frown.

“Like seriously, you need to stop touching me, weirdo,” I shrugged off her comment as I stared at the cell thing.

“Damn it’s hot down here,” she complained.

“I know.”

She sighed heavily before suddenly called out.

“Hello. Is someone in there?”

I flinched at her abrupt noises... nothing.

She turned her head towards me giving me an ‘I told you so’ glance.

“See, just your stupid imagination,” she then turned on her heels and began to strut away but I wasn’t convinced.

“Hey. I know you’re in there, do you need help?” I exclaimed.

I know I’m right.

I wasn’t hearing things before.

And deep down I was sure this person need my help.

After a moment the sound of chains rattled and Constance paused in shock.

I turned returning her earlier expression back at her.

“I told you.”

“No way,” she said, coming up next to me.

“I told you.”

She tisked, rolling her eyes at me.

“Well... there has to be a way in.”

I leered at the metal cell in inquisitiveness.

There had to be a way to open the damn thing.

“How about we come back later tonight, think on it because it’s freaking hot down here and I have papers to grade,” she suggested but I shook my head.

“They’re coming for them tonight,” I stressed walking on the other side of the metal container to see if there was a door there, no luck.

Constance sighed in frustration.

“How do you know it’s not an axe murder your trying to release?”

“Your sarcasm is not needed,” I retorted without looking at her.

“Well, I don’t understand what you think you’re going to accomplish, without a fucking door.”

“Well how about you help me, instead of making your griping complaints,” I snapped whirling around to face her with a scowl.

Her eyes widened suddenly before she scoffed at me and glared back.

“Hey. I’m down here. Aren’t I? I don’t need to do anything for you, jerk,” she barked, stomped her foot.

I continued to stare at her and finally she looked away towards the cell.

“Has it crossed your mind, that maybe the door, is on the top of the cell.”

“Why the hell would they build a door, on the ceiling of a cell?” I asked confused.

Constance shrugged.

“Beats me but it seems like that’s the only place we haven’t checked.”

I glanced up,

“How the hell do we get up there?” I groaned.

“Climb it,” Constance said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“But we can’t touch the metal. It's too hot... trust me, I know.”

“Well then, let's cool it down.”

[sparklingdreams444]

What If I’m Incapable Of Falling In Love Again

Kendra Syrdal

If you didn’t know better, you’d think I never slept.

I am always one foot out the door right after we finish. I am always pulling my shirt on, tossing my hair up, and thinking, “I will worry about that later” in regards to getting home right after we fuck. I laughed out loud at that scene in Trainwreck where Amy Schumer boldly walk of shame on a ferry but internally cringed because I’ve been there. Literally. I’ve been the girl in the last night cats eye and swollen “Please kiss away the pain” lips wishing she still smoked on the deck of the water taxi.

Because I’d rather freeze on the 30 minute ride back to the city with no jacket than dare to snuggle up next to someone overnight and humanize them.

If you didn’t know better, you’d think I have never been infatuated.

I am always rolling my eyes about The Notebook, claiming that Noah and Amy (was her name Amy too?) should have taken more time apart because then maybe no one would have had to waste their time building some stupid house. I am the girl that everyone warned you about. The one who “functions like a guy” who “doesn’t get attached” and will inevitably “break you heart without even meaning to.” I don’t understand people who can say the L word without mapping it out, without mulling over it for weeks, months, even years.

Because I would rather swallow my tongue whole than say something before thinking about how it may be heard.

If you didn’t know better you would think I wanted to be single.

I am content doing my own thing, being my own person. I do not get jealous of girls with boyfriends or find the idea of ANOTHER wedding invite tedious. I’m fiercely and unapologetically independent. I do what I want, when I want, and I only worry about the consequences when and if I need to. I love being responsible for me and only me. I don’t think about what someone else is doing and why they are not involved in my life and that’s okay.

Because I’d rather be sleeping alone than be responsible for someone else.

If you didn’t know any better, you’d think I was emotionally dead inside.

And you know what? I don’t know better and I think you might be right.

I use people. I march to the best of my own drum and do not worry about feelings because I’d rather they not exist. It is easier for me to just get exactly what I want from people and then drop them because if I keep them around, I will break when they drop me. So I keep them as far. Away as possible and pretend like I don’t give a shit if they text me back because obviously, I do not care.

But really, I want to care. I want to be the person that they think about before they drift off to sleep at 1:30am. I want my phone to light up with notifications that will in turn make me smile. I want to want to spend the night, to graze my fingers affectionately across someone’s back, to be the girl who is open And lived without abandon, but instead of I’m the girl who is leaving without so much as a goodbye.

I want to care; I just have stopped for so long that the feeling is now too foreign. It bites at me like when you can’t remember the name of an actress being interviewed on E!. It sits at the back of my teeth and in the pit of my stomach like when you want to follow up the inevitable, “We need to talk” but do not know where to start. I want to verbalize what I’m feeling, but instead I’m apologizing for overstaying my welcome even though I have been invited in to make myself at home.

If you didn’t know any better, you would think I gave zero fucks, but really I just do not want to be the one giving too many.

I say that I’m e optionally damaged. I joke that the part of my brain that releases oxytocin has gone on a permanent sabbatical. I nod along when people tote the, “you just haven’t met the right person” banner while I silently disagree.

Because I’d probably even right into the right person.

If you didn’t know better, you’d say that I run away from love.

And you’re right; I’m just hoping that one day someone will chase me.

[m-a-n-g-o-m-i]

sorry for posting cringe. Sorry that was also cringe, I need to stop posting stuff like that. Sorry, again, I don’t know if that one was cringe but it probably was so sorry. Sorry that was a really cringe apology for posting cringe. I keep pouring my heart out in hopes that someone will tell me that my repentance for being this unmolded and perpetually unadjusted thing is enough but it never is, it’s never enough. Or at least, I’m sure that it’s never enough, because it would be annoying and strange to ask people if it was, anyways. So I assume everything about me is wrong, because what else is there to do? And when I speak, my wrongness lingers like a great black cloud in the air around me for everyone to witness. So I am sorry, sorry for giving myself away. I am sorry for hiding from you too, for pretending I was not wrong, not cringe, when I really was. Sorry, I keep doing this, and it’s cringe every time. sorry for posting cringe. sorry for