#I’m always unsure about gifs where the camera changes to the other member

[independent-fics]

The Leverage OT3 in Every Episode

Leverage: 01x03 The Wedding Job

[starshipsofstarlord]

A Stark Contrast | Bucky Barnes

Summary; living in the shadow of Tony, your brother, always was the way, and you accepted it. That was until he expected you to sign the accords, that was one thing that you couldn’t do.

Warnings; Angst, mentions of death, mentions of being controlled, funeral, mourning, anger

The form, bound in a weighty book laid on the table, making the room fill with utmost tension. Tony was hellbent on signing the thing, and handing away any freedom that all of you had.

No matter how long you had supported him, this was not one subject that you could agree with him on. Whilst you understood his perspective, it would only end up with you in a hamster wheel, running around and following the orders of executives.

They wanted less destruction. To put boundaries around their country’s heroes, and limit them to the lengths they could go to in order to save lives.

That was also wrong, the entire ordeal had you bent backwards with a conflict of interests. On one hand, it would be ordinary to sign for such a cause, whether you trusted their backgrounds or not, simply because your elder sibling had.

There was nobody that you trusted more than Tony, he had half raised you after your parents were killed, you felt indebted to him. But being an avenger, on a team where your personal opinion had been valued, it opened your eyes to a whole range of possibilities.

Whilst you were loyal to Tony, you had also became in tune with your own gut. It grumbled at the prospect of giving in to a contract, which decided what you were permitted to do. It was like a child’s parent permission slip, but on a much grander scale.

“People died!” He reminded the lot of you again, which inclined you to look down. There was blood on all of your hands, and he was making it as red as it could possibly be seen. “At least y/n agrees with me.” He reprimanded Steve, whom was still far on the fence regarding the entire ordeal.

Once he said that, all eyes had shifted towards you. Nat had already basically given in to your brother’s convictions, and Steve suspected that you would do the same. You were always one step behind Tony, you were far too loyal to your sibling for your own good.

“I have yet to make up my mind.” You spoke, standing, no longer wishing to be in the room where there was far too much tension. How you wished Banner and Thor were here, they would make an equal divide. The God of Thunder would not scribble his signature upon the paper, you thought to yourself, if he knew their reasons and affects.

However, your words were taken as an assumption that you would join your sibling in providing a peaceful surrender. It is what he and the public would assume of you, and to be truthful, you were tired of sticking to the stereotypes that were made of you.

“I’m surprised that you came.” Steve spoke, as you opened the boot of your car, and revealed the shield that he was so often adorned with, as well as Sam’s wings. He, like most others, had suspected that you would join your brother in his guilt ridden cause, however, thinking for yourself gave you a sense of freedom.

“Don’t be so quick to prevail into what everyone else thinks of me.” You smirked at the captain, your eyes drifting over to the other super soldier, whom had temporarily been imprisoned by the government.

But he had escaped, and if luck was not often a Stark trait, Tony would have died. You had watched from the cameras, but you could boil no bad blood in between the pair of you, Barnes was not in his right mind. He was controlled, and put into a incomprehensible mode of himself. That was, unless, he had managed to kill Tony.

Then you would have changed your own deciding mind, and stuck to what the eldest Stark believed in. “I won’t, ever again.” Sam smiled, picking up redwing from the composed pile, and kissing the machine.

“Bucky.” You reiterated his name, the one that he had chosen to correct the unknown and deceiving man on. The nod you earnt was brief, but it gave you a sense of hope that whirled in your middle. 

It was clear that he was an attractive man, and alike his righteous friend, he was frozen through time to be in this current moment. As Sam and Steve began to get their things together, you walked over to the historical stranger, a smile upon your face. “I’m y/n Stark, I don’t believe we have had the fortune of meeting before.”

“You sure do speak like a Stark.” He softly spoke, a matching smile on his brawn face. “And you seem to have other things in common, like that necklace.” At his words, you looked down at it, a hint of anguish within your gaze.

“It belonged to my mother.” It was nice to reminisce about her for a moment, you knew that she would have made her own decisions too. In some retrospect, you were following in her footsteps.

A feeling grew in the back of Bucky’s throat, but he said nothing. If he were to spill, or reveal his dark secret, it would mean nothing more than the loss of a powerful asset, they could not afford that right now.

“Do you ever think about what would have happened if you got to return home?” It had been a stressful day, fighting your friends, and your last living family member. Bucky turned at your words, you had saved him from being killed, he felt indebted.

“Probably do what every other soldier did; find a woman to marry and have kids. But that’s far out of the picture in this modern age.” Steve was flying the aircraft as you and Bucky spoke in the back. It gave the two of you a moment alone, and you were truly knowing as though you knew the soldier.

He was a good man, misinterpreted by the deeds that he was controlled to do. No one chose to have pity on Barnes, they instead viewed him as a country danger, and wanted to lock him up in a cage, which was how he had come so far in the first place.

“I wouldn’t say that.” For a moment, you looked into his deep blue eyes, feeling as though he were freezing you with them. He didn’t want to look away, but you were inclined to, for you could feel the contrasts of hot and cold heat working its way up your neck, and onto your face. “There’s definitely a woman that would want all that and more with you.”

If things were simpler, you would be convinced that you could share such an intimate bond with him, but alas, everything had to be complicated. And if things could work out, they surely couldn’t last.

“We’re here.” Steve informed the both of you, as he slid out of his front seat, and you prepared to finish this for once and for all.

“How could you?!” You couldn’t defend him as Tony blasted him away, Bucky had played you, and done so well. He and Steve knew of the blood on his hands, and yet they hadn’t thought once to inform you of the one true treachery regrading you.

Bucky had killed your mother, from the intake of information alone, you felt sick. Physically sick. But you choked it down, and as Steve unsurely came towards you, you ran at him, angered by his lies.

From the start, the patriot of America, someone you had considered a friend had deceived you. You had helped him, stood with him, fought your friends for him, and not to mention Tony, and he had known all along.

“Y/n-”

“Save your apologies Rogers.” You stared him down, as he had Bucky held up by one arm, seeing as Barnes had lost one of his own again. “And you, you’re right, there’s no perfect picture, you’re nothing but a monster.”

“Listen.” Steve commanded, but you couldn’t. He was no longer considered your captain, he was a sick liar who had helped to break you. This was the last time that you made your own decisions. Tony was always right.

“You don’t deserve that shield, my father made that. It’s government property-” swiftly he dropped said item, an exhausted and tiresome expression upon Steve’s helmet wearing face.

As soon as they trudged by, you instantly went to Tony, checking his wounds. “You were right brother, I should have listened to you.”

“Your dad loved cheeseburgers too.” You laughed lightly to Morgan, blinking back the tears. It was Tony’s funeral, there were so many people here, even Fury, but there was someone else, who was walking towards you. “Why don’t you go and ask Happy, I have some business that I have to tend to quickly.”

“Okay auntie y/n.” She ran off. She was so innocent, she didn’t deserve to be going to her father’s funeral at five years old, it was truly cruel. But that was just the way the world worked, and Tony was a hero.

“Hi.” Bucky spoke, adorned in all black, same as you. It had been a long time since you had seen him, not since he was being carried away by Steve. You hadn’t fought in Wakanda, instead you had ended up on Titan with your brother, and you would have surely died without him.

“Hey Barnes.” You greeted him with a forced smile, but nevertheless allowed him to step closer.

“I’m sorry for your loss.” He said, the guilt still burning behind his eyes. It seemed that his time in Wakanda had changed him, for the better.

“Which one?” You quipped back, instantaneously. 

“All of them.” He gulped, he was going to give you one truth before you found out after. It was his attempt at redemption, and a sorrowful one at that. “Steve’s returning the stones later.”

“I know.” You responded, the captain had already informed you about that part of his plan.

“And he’s not coming back.”

“Anthony Howard and Steven Nathan Barnes, the two of you better get back here this instant!” Your voice hollered through the house, as well as the duo’s endless giggles.

The front door opened, no other than Bucky walking through. He was quick to recognise the flash of motherly anger upon your face, and quickly dropped his serene smile.

“What have they done?” Bucky asked, watching as you crossed your arms in an unimpressed manner.

“Why don’t you ask your sons?” Your husband sighed, but despite that, he was a happy man. He had returned from a war, and found a lovely wife, of which he had two troublesome boys with. For the first time in a long time, y/n Stark and Bucky Barnes were happy.

[makebank]

silver lining

Request: “it's a day on set and you haven't been feeling good you pass out mid filming, and it turns out to be serious”

Warnings: nothing really, but mentions of surgery and emergency rooms

Rudy Pankow x reader

Word Count: 1.5k

A/N: i know i said i wouldn’t do the actor but i changed my mind bc this seemed innocent enough. not sure if i’ll do more, as i prefer the characters. but i figured i’d at least try once. if this bothers you i’m sorry. also not even a blurb lol, i can’t make them short unless they’re phrase prompts omg

You woke up this morning feeling like you had been hit by a truck. All last night you tossed and turned alternating between sweating and shivering. When your alarm sounds, you roll to the side to turn it off and are hit with a wave of nausea. Instantly, you rush out of bed and barrel towards the bathroom. You thought you were going to be sick, but thankfully nothing came up. 

You sigh taking in your disheveled and damp appearance. Lifting up your shirt, you inspect your right lower stomach expecting to find a bruise. Oddly, there was nothing there but you felt a dull ache taking over the area. You were curious about why you suddenly felt so horrible, but knew you had to get to work. Turning on your shower, you steamed up the room and stepped in. You were hopeful that a nice, scorching shower would be enough. 

In the shower you contemplate how important it is for you to be okay. You finally landed an acting role and didn’t want to mess it up. It wasn’t the largest part, but you were in the second half of the TV series season quite a bit. This spring you had auditioned for a love interest on Outer Banks and shrieked when you got it. Your character was supposed to start slowly falling in love with the character JJ Maybank, while he secluded himself off from his friends. He goes through a tragedy of dealing with John B. being gone and feels left out by his best friends dating. So, he meets you while surfing alone and they continue to meet up often. Anyways, you were among so many great actors that you felt insecure at times. And the last thing you needed was to be calling in sick and halting filming. 

Besides, you had a huge crush on the actor who played JJ. You never did anything about it though. During filming it was professional and after you would smile and joke with the lively blond. It was hard not to like him. He was full of so much life, was intelligent, kind, and could have any room rolling with laughter. He was always so sweet and respectful towards you but that was it. You two had spent hours together rehearsing and filming. You were growing closer, but it didn’t seem that he wanted it to move any further. It wasn’t like him and his co-stars who were already all friends from the first season and had a visibly strong bond.

Pulling yourself from your thoughts as your long shower grew cold, you shut off the water and start to dry off. You would just have to fake it for the day. There was no way you weren’t going.

-

Arriving at set, your stomach pain only worsened. Instead now, it was sharper rather than dull. You head into your trailer and pop a couple painkillers before splashing water on your face and making your way to hair and makeup. Walking in you see the one person you got most excited to see, Rudy. 

“Hey y/n.” he greets with his usual bright smile.

“Hi Rudy, what’s up?” you try to match his tone. “Oh, you know, just getting my flowing locks perfected” he jokes while the hairstylist sprays the hairspray to hold his flawless gold waves in place. You chuckle in response but try not to wince at the pain it causes. But to no avail, your face gives it away. 

He frowns at your obvious discomfort. “Are you okay?” You beam at his genuine concern. “Sorta. I just have this weird stomach pain. But I’m fine!” you rush to reassure. He raises his eyebrow at you like he doesn’t believe you. “If you’re sure, just take care of yourself first please.” You actually fully smile this time, “Thanks, I will” you slightly lie. 

He rises from his chair with his hair finished. “See you on set, lover” he gives you a two-finger salute as he heads to film scenes with the other cast members. You feel your neck heat up at the nickname. You knew it was only because you played his love interest, but you couldn’t help but feel flustered every time he did it. 

- 

After sitting through hair and makeup, you head to set overhearing a scene being filmed. It’s Rudy yelling at JD about something to do with his character JJ being distant and it being none of their business. You take in the sight of him now in different clothes. He’s wearing that cutoff you love that shows off every inch of his defined arms. They’re bulging even more, because he tenses with anger. His fingers covered in rings as they run through his hair. You admire Rudy’s acting and his seemingly effortless portrayal of JJ. 

Suddenly, while waiting another wave of sharp pain hits you. You curl up in your chair and whimper. No one notices because they are too entranced with the scene. Taking a couple deep breaths, you try to distract the pain away. It didn’t alleviate it at all. Shortly after, they’re done filming and Rudy is walking towards your chair next to his. Bounding with a sense of pride in his work, he innocently smiles towards you. Once he’s close enough to see your expression, his demeanor falls.

“Y/n you don’t look too good. You sure you should be filming today? We can take you to the doctor.” he offers becoming increasingly concerned. You quickly shake your head no. “I’m okay. C’mon let’s go” you try to get him to drop it. He looks unsure but ultimately follows you to the towel on the sand to start your scene.

The director starts to give you both some instructions that you can hardly pay attention to. He yells “action”. The scene starts off well, Rudy is acting perfectly as always, and you deliver a few lines without issue. 

Without warning, your stomach wrenches in agony. You start wincing and your eyes tear up. You curl your body up and start groaning. The camera men stop filming, and everyone rushes towards you. Rudy is the first to try to help. He places his hand on your arm to try to see if you’re okay.

“Y/N! What’s happening? What do you need me to do?” he’s frantic and rushing his words. You only cry in response until you muster the energy to speak. “I don’t know, it just hurts so much” you whimper. Immediately, Rudy is scooping you into his arms and hauling you to a vehicle. You hear everyone panicking in the background but can only focus on the soreness. 

Rudy rushes you to the emergency room where people surround you and start performing a series of tests. Soon you’re being sped to surgery. You’re told you have appendicitis and need emergency removal. It all happens, so fast your family isn’t able to get there before it starts. They live all the way on the west coast, so sadly they won’t make it until way after. 

- 

You wake up from being put under on anesthesia in a hospital room. You slowly blink open your eyes to find an unexpected visitor. It’s Rudy nervously biting his nails and bouncing his leg in front of your bed. When he realizes you’re awake, you can see with weight being lifted off him

“Y/N! You’re awake! I’ve been so worried about you.” he looks so stressed and miserable. “I’m sorry.” you croak. He looks taken aback, “What? You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m just glad I forced you here when I did. How are you feeling?”

“Like shit” you tease and you both erupt into giggles. He grabs your hand and rubs his thumb softly on your fingers. “I’m really glad you’re okay.” “Me too. Thank you for everything you did and for waiting for me.” He stands up and places a gentle kiss on your cheek. “Are you kidding? There’s no way I was leaving you. I’ll go get the others, they’ll want to know you’re awake. Your family is about an hour out by the way.”

You sink further into your hospital bed feeling the butterflies taking over. You’re still slightly sore from surgery, but his lips and the pain medication make you feel on cloud nine. You weren’t sure if Rudy felt this way before and the emergency brought it out or if he’s just being kind, but you were loving every second of it.

A few days later you get to return home, but on bed rest for the next two weeks. Rudy spends every minute he can in bed with you watching movies and cooking for you both. He has to continue filming, but he reassures you that in a few short weeks you’ll get to pick up and finish the last few episodes you have with him. 

You weren’t excited about having your appendix removed, but it did bring the boy you cared for full force into your life. He was your best friend. And now eagerly becoming more. 

i didn’t add my everything tag list bc i dont normally write for actors and didn’t want to tag you guys for this just in case. 

[purpleyellow]

When my love blooms

BTS 8th member

Sunny’s masterlist

“Sunny's expeciences during When Our Love Blooms”

a/n: JUST FYI, Jinyoung plays a dude named Jaehyun and Sunny plays the character named Jisoo.  Your opinion is very important for me, send feedback and requests anytime 💜 Also, don’t be shy and interact a little, ask box is always open

DAY 1

Looking at herself in the mirror, Sunny fixed her now brown hair and snapped a quick picture. Sending it to the BTS group chat with an “I should have bangs more often :p” she quickly locked her phone and put it away, leaving the small changing trailer the stylists had led her to.

“Sunny, let’s go this way so you can do a table reading before we start shooting” One of the producers called her to one big room where most of the staff were already seated in a big table.

Looking for her name tag, she saw her empty spot next to Got7’s Jinyoung, who was already seated playing on his phone. The few times Sunny had met him before, they never really interacted that much, since she usually stuck to talking to Bambam because they’ve known each other since trainees. Bowing respectfully, she sat down next to him trying not to stay too close.

“Excited to start shooting?” Jinyoung tried to make the atmosphere less awkward, turning towards her as he took a sip of his coffee.

“Yes, a little nervous as well” Sunny nodded, suddenly trying to remember all of the acting classes she had taken the week prior.

“You’ll be fine, table readings are a great way to get used to the storyline and build confidence in your character” he smiled sweetly at her.

Smiling a thanks to him, she paid attention as the director and producers started giving out tips to the actors and fully explaining the storyline to every little detail. “It’s important all of you get in sync with the ages you’ll be interpreting” was a sentence heavily repeated, since the story would be set in two different times.

After about two hours, when the meeting ended, the two idols stood up and grabbed their stuff from the table. “Your character is really in love with mine” Jinyoung nudged her with his elbow smirking.

“He’ll be just as whipped for her in less than two episodes” Rolling her eyes, Sunny joked back and started walking side by side. 

Looking around to see if anyone was paying attention, she decided to share one of her worries with him. “I know this might seem out of nowhere, but I’m dating Sehun from EXO. And by what they said a few minutes ago there will be a lot of kissing involved. Do you think I should tell him about it?” 

With wide eyes at the sudden confession, Jinyoung assessed the situation before speaking “Does he know you’re acting and I’m the love interest?” After Sunny confirmed he shrug his shoulder, face back to its relaxed state “Then it’s implied. Mentioning it to him would only make it look like it’s a bigger deal than it actually is”

Still a bit unsure about it, Sunny tried to assure herself it would be fine, Sehun had never been the jealous type and he looked very excited when she told him about the project. Sensing her uncertainty, Jinyoung placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Look, seventy percent of the shots will be manipulating camera angles and lighting, we’ll just need to stand very close to each other” She rose an eyebrow at the last part and he sighed “I swear everything will be strictly platonic, just try to look like you’re in love with me when the cameras are rolling” With a breathy laugh, Sunny calmed down a little.

DAY4

Stepping out of the fake bedroom, the girl grabbed a tissue handed by a staff member and started to dry a few tears. Waiting for the director to tell her what to do next, she looked around and found a very excited boy jumping and waving her way. 

“Okay everyone, that’s enough for today” The middle-aged man shouted and Sunny took off towards J-Hope. 

Engulfing her in a hug, he patted the top of her head and smiled brightly “I missed you so much. You’ve been working a lot lately, we barely see each other on the dorms since you always leave way too early and come home very late”

“It’ll only be for a couple of weeks. Here let’s go to catering, I haven’t eaten yet” Sunny grabbed his arm and took him to a bunch of trailers parked. 

After she got her lunch, they sat down in a table and she started eating with him stealing a couple of bites here and there. “Jungkook said he will pay you a visit as well, he’s trying to set a date with Yugyeom so they can come together”

“He’s really tight with his 97 friends huh? I wonder if he would come at all if Jinyoung wasn’t in this” Sunny rolled her eyes remembering the many times she had to repeat what she had said because Jungkook was too absorbed in his group chat to pay attention.

“Let’s just be happy he’s making friends” Hobi smiled and Sunny laughed “I’m being serious, you were very quick to befriend other idols and do your thing, I thought Kookie would never leave our side” 

“But he did talk to other people” Sunny tried to reason with him.

“Yeah, only when V or Jimin was around, the boy took introverted to another level” he looked around and reverted his gaze to her. “And you, have you made more friends here?”

“I talk with a few actors and the staff are nice I guess” Sunny shrug her shoulders “You just said I made friends easily, why so worried out of nowhere?”

“Because I know you” Hobi smiled gently at her “You probably spend most of your day worrying about doing a good job and studying the script. Not trying to break this to you, but I don’t think you’ll ever get the chance to do this again, do you really  want to let the experience pass instead of making connections and having the time of your life?”

Sighing, Sunny placed her arms on the table and looked around as well “It’s just, people here are always working. I know that seems like heaven for me, but it gets tiring only talking about techniques and obsessing over the storyline. Also, I don’t think other people are interested in talking with an idol. I’m like a choir kid who wanted to try out the drama club”

J Hope laughed at her comparison “I’m glad you’re not leaving Bangtan to become an actress then” He smirked and she rolled her eyes with a small smile “How about the other actors? I guess Jinyoung’s on the same boat as you”

“I guess so. We talk in between shots sometimes, he’s probably the closest I have to a friend” as she said that the boy raised his arms in victory.

DAY6 (yes, it was on purpose)

“Okay, cut” The director yelled and Jinyoung retreated his lips from the corner of Sunny’s mouth “Please don’t leave the phonebooth, I’m going to check if we need to do that once again”

With the amount of space restricted, Sunny rested her back on the glass and the Got7 member tried to back away as much as possible, but it wasn’t enough to be a respectable space. 

“I’m sorry if this is awkward,”  Jinyoung said looking everywhere but at her. Not that Sunny knew because she was literally doing the same. “I’d open the door, but I’m sure he’d yell at me for doing so”

The girl didn’t have time to respond back, as someone yelled they were done for the day. Finally breathing properly, she stepped out of the small place and saw Yugyeom and Jungkook on the back watching the staff work. 

Looking at Sunny with wide eyes, her groupmate walked very fast towards her and dragged her somewhere more secluded. “Do you know how intimate that looked?” he said like he was scared making the girl laugh.

“Well, it is a romantic drama. I’m sure it was supposed to look like that” she said shrugging her shoulders and leaving to get out of her costume.

Grabbing her arm again, Jungkook prevented her from moving “Still, it’s awkward. Aren’t you uncomfortable with it? We can talk to your manager and get them to change the script or something”

“Are you crazy?” Sunny put her hands on his shoulders and shook him a little, getting him out of his shock “They signed me to play their character, I’m sure they would straight up fire me if I did anything even remotely close to changing the scenes”

“Well… I-I’m uncomfortable with it” He stuttered a bit but ended up crossing his arms and fixing his posture as if he was some kind of authority, all Sunny did was raise an eyebrow at him “Sehun Hyung won’t like this either. Plus you’re like a child, isn’t this like, illegal?”

“I’m literally a year younger than you” she reminded him,

“Well, it’s legal then” He nodded “But, Sehun? Does he know this?”

“Of course, I’m not going to lie to him about where I spend most of my day”

“I’m not talking about that” it was Jungkook’s turn to raise an eyebrow, making Sunny sigh.

“I haven’t told him about the kisses, if that’s even what they are, but he does know I have a love interest” She linked arms with him and started walking towards a trailer, she desperately wanted to get out of those clothes and go home “I’m scared if I talk too much about it it’s going to seem like I care too much about what’s going on”

“But if you don’t it might seem like you’re trying to hide something” Jungkook pointed out being led by her “If it were me I’d want to know. I would probably become petty though”

“Yeah, you would” Sunny smiled at his personality.

“What do you mean by those not being kisses by the way?”

“Oh. Fake kisses are so boring, like, lips aren’t even fully touching. Plus, the real feeling of-”

“That’s enough” He cut her off flustered “ I already know that I don’t know why I needed for you to say it. Please forget I even asked”

DAY 7

“So, that’s what has been going on” Sunny said to her phone. Pacing from one side to the other on the empty makeup trailer.

“Okay” She heard Sehun’s muffled laugh on the other side “I already know you would be doing stuff like that. It does worry me a little that something made you feel like you had to tell me this now”

“I had talked with Jinyoung about this and he told me it wasn’t a big deal, but Jungkook came yesterday and said it would be better if you were aware”

“Oh, so you asked your fake boyfriend what to do about your real boyfriend?” Sunny could feel him smirking through the phone and unconsciously rolled her eyes.

“This really isn’t going to become a problem right?” She stopped pacing and faced her brunette figure in the mirror.

“Trust me it isn’t. You’re going to give me double the kisses to make up though” Sunny smiled at his silliness “I have to go right now. I love you”

“I love you too” she blew a kiss and he hung up.

Leaving the trailer, she saw Jinyoung also walking towards the set she was going to. “Hey, settled everything with the boyfriend?” 

“Yeah, and he said he already expected it” Sunny started walking with him, the space between them enough to fit another person.

“I told you, you should have trusted Sunbae” Jinyoung smiled at her, using his nickname from the drama, and Sunny rolled her eyes once again.

“Keep talking like that, and I’ll have to start calling you Jaehyun” she spoke with a mischievous grin and it was his turn to roll his eyes.

“Aah Jisoo, your friendship means the world to me”

2 Months later

Sunny was laying on her bed while scrolling through social media and checking out people’s reviews on the latest episode when her notification bar rolled down showing a new message from Sehun 

“Come to my place, we need to talk”

(please don’t kill me, pt 2 will be coming soon)

[probably-writing-x]

Knocked off guard.

Arón Piper x Reader

Request by @isthatmaryanna : the other one is with aron where he is like super stressed on the filming of season 4 and he ends up bumping the female reader on the set, she apologizes and he got very mad and stuff like that just because he is stressed, and then he finds out she’s new to the cast and is chris new love interest and he starts to get a crush of her and gets jealous when she’s filming scenes with christian till one day he kisses her when they are recording (Wrote this with Samuel instead of Christian so that it matches season 4🤍)

Gif is not my own

Requests are closed🤍

You’d never known nerves like this until today, they’d been basically eating away at you since you’d first woken up and they hadn’t ceased yet. You were terrified of the impression you’d make on your first proper day of filming for Élite and even more terrified of all of the things that could go wrong. You’d made sure to wake up early enough and try to get onto set within enough time but already found yourself rushing to catch up with the hectic schedule.

“Shit,” You mutter to yourself as you try to find your way back to where they’d told you to meet for your first call to makeup and hair.

You’re so busy trying to make sense of the timetable they’d given you that you don’t notice anybody else around you. Only stopping when you knock into one of them abruptly.

“Fuck!” They exclaim as the drink in their hand spills all down their outfit.

You recognised the clothes instantly as the Las Encinas uniform and realise painfully that you’d just made a first impression on one of your cast mates by knocking into them.

“I’m so so sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going-“

“Clearly!” The boy scoffs, trying to pat down the wet patch now covering the front of his crisp white shirt.

“I’m so sorry, I’m-“ You stop as you glance up and recognise him as Arón, who played Ander in the show.

“I’m going to be late,” He rolls his eyes, “Just please try and keep your eyes ahead of you next time.”

With that, he takes off in the opposite direction as you try to regain composure and continue in the direction you’d been previously heading towards.

You reach hair and makeup and it relaxes you when the team are genuinely nice to you for the whole time. They ask you about your new role as Samuels love interest and you chat to them about everything they felt you should know about working on the show.

“No I don’t think we need to-“ A new voice speaks as the door opens and two guys walk in to have their hair and makeup done, “Hey! I don’t think we’ve met before.”

You stand up and recognise the boy as Omar, who played his same name character on the show, “Yeah, no, I don’t think we have. I’m (Y/n), I’m playing Savannah.”

“Yes! I completely forgot you were starting today!” Omar exclaims, “Well, I’m Omar, and this is Arón.”

You glance to the boy that had entered with him and notice him instantly as the boy you’d knocked into earlier. His eyes fall to his feet to avoid eye contact as he instead turns to sit down in one of the chairs to get his hair done.

“Dont worry about him,” Omar rolls his eyes, squeezing the boy’s shoulder, “Someone’s being a little grumpy today. Anyway, tell me about yourself. Have you done much acting before?”

Just like that, the impression you’d made on the cast so far seems to clearly improve. You chat to Omar and get up to the stage where it feels as though you’ve known each other for a lot longer than a matter of minutes.

“When are your first scenes?” Omar asks you, “I’ll walk you down to set if you like.”

“I think I have to be there in ten minutes, that would be great thank you!”

He agrees and the two of you head out to start walking towards where you’d first be filming for the day.

- - - - - -

You’re introduced to Itzan who was going to be your main love interest in the show. It’s a relief when he’s genuinely lovely to you and makes it easy to feel natural around him.

“I wouldn’t worry, this place is full of second chances,” Itzan shakes his head as he speaks Samuels line, “All of us here, we’re on at least our fifth chance.”

“Maybe I won’t do so bad then,” You smile, “Thank you, by the way.”

He readjusts his grip on his bag strap and nods bashfully to you, “It was nice to meet you, (Y/n).”

The director yells cut and somehow you find yourself finishing your first full scene of the day. It had gone a lot more smoothly than you’d expected. Especially having started the day by spilling hot coffee over one of your cast mates.

“Omar and Miguel to set for next scene,” One of the crew calls, you think they introduced themselves earlier but it was already becoming overwhelming to remember all of these new people.

You take your seat on one of the black canvas chairs and prepare to watch the scene unfold in which Guzmán and Omar share a heart to heart about Nadia, where Guzmán confesses everything he regrets about what happened between them and what he would’ve done if he’d have had another chance with her before she left. You’re soon joined by someone beside you in the next seat and glance over to recognise Arón on your right hand side.

“So, you’re the new cast member,” He comments, twisting open his water bottle, “You didn’t introduce yourself earlier.”

“I didn’t really have the chance,” You return, shifting a little in the chair beneath you.

He scoffs, “I was too busy being late and covered in coffee.”

“I did apologise,” You defend, still slightly nervous despite your hope of appearing somewhat confident.

“And I was stressed.”

The conversation falls flat and you let the silence remain as you watch the scene unfold.

- - - - - -

Over the next couple of days, you’re starting to get settled into the motions of things. You’re starting to remember everyone’s names and the crew have been complimenting you on some of your scenes. Itzan was a good screen partner to have, always making you laugh and giving you tips whenever he felt like you were uncertain.

You’re walking through the different sets when you stumble upon Arón in one of the rooms. Nobody was filming at the moment so you found yourself slightly bemused as you watch him flop face down onto the bed beneath him that was normally used as a bedroom in the show.

“You know the cameras aren’t rolling?” You comment, unsure as to why you bother speaking anyway, “Or did you just need to practise that scene?”

He turns his head and looks in your direction. The two of you had spoken very minimally over the past days as he’d clearly continued that stressed attitude ever since you first met. You’d gotten to the point where you simply treated it as him being completely rude. Even if you didn’t want to accept that.

“I just needed some peace,” He mumbles, shuffling on the duvet of the bed as his arms fall at either of his sides.

“Sorry, I’ll leave you,” You comment bashfully, going to walk away.

“How have you been finding it so far?”

It surprises you. Of course it does. Up until now you’d assumed that he simply just didn’t like you. Perhaps not.

“It’s been good, everyone’s been really friendly,” You smile, “And I think my scenes have been going well.”

“Yeah, they won’t stop telling us how great you are,” He scoffs, “Seems like you’ve made a good first impression.”

“Well, on most people.”

He’s silent this time.

“I should go,” You say, not wanting to say anything more that might ruin the nicest moment you’ve shared with him.

“I’m sorry I’ve been so rude to you. I’ve just been a little stressed,” Arón admits, “I’m not really sure how to approach my storylines this season and I guess I’m just letting it get to me too much.”

“What do you mean?” You walk into the room and take a seat on the bed beside him as he shifts to sit up.

“I’ve always had such intense storylines, theres always something bad going on. But, this time, Anders actually happy - him and Omar are doing well for the first time in forever. I’m not really used to it,” He shakes his head, “Sorry, you don’t need to hear my acting problems.”

“Well, I guess I’m not the best person to give advice,” You start cautiously yet again, “But I would say that you should use exactly that. Anders not going to be used to it either, he’s never had that time where he’s simply been happy so he’d probably feel exactly the way that you do about having to act that story. Use that.”

He stays silent and you’re certain you’ve said the wrong thing.

“I’m sorry, I know that’s probably useless bu-“

“No, no, that makes sense,” He interjects, “Thank you.”

“Well, I should go, I asked Itzan if he’d run lines with me,” You explain, “See you later.”

“Yeah, bye (Y/n).”

- - - - - -

The next day, you’re filming your first kiss with Samuel. It sounded silly but you’d never been so nervous to film a scene - it would be the first time where you had to show that sort of affection on camera and it felt intimidating to say the least.

You’d been nervous all morning, for something so annoyingly simple.

You’re hurrying down towards your trailer when you knock into someone on the way.

“Fuck!” You exclaim as your water pours down you.

As irony would have it, it’s Arón stood in front of you.

“Looks like karma circled back round,” He smirks at the sight.

“Not now Arón,” You mutter, dashing off before he can say anything more.

It was harsh, you knew it was deep down. But you were so caught up in your own stress that you couldn’t really think of anything beyond that. You carried on towards your trailer and prayed they’d left you a spare uniform to change into if need be.

It’s ten minutes later when there’s a knock at your door and Arón is stood on the other side.

“Hey! Sorry about that, I should’ve been looking where I was going,” He comments, you’re too pressured to notice how he seemed slightly nervous.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” You rush to say as you search for the right script amongst your stuff.

“Are you okay?” He frowns, “You seem a little-“

“Stressed?” You finish for him as you turn around, his appearance relaxing you a little, “I’m sorry, I’ve just got my first kiss scene with Itzan today and I’m really nervous about it.”

He laughs gently, “Why? Do you like him or something?”

“What?” You scoff, “Of course I don’t. I just don’t want to fuck it up.”

“Okay...” Arón starts, “Well, wouldnt your character be nervous too? Maybe you should take your own advice and use that.”

You smirk at his attempts at helping, “Well, this is a real role reversal!”

He steps inside from where he’d been waiting in the doorway and smirks, “Or... you could just practise.”

“Practise?” You cock a brow, “What? Ask Itzan to kiss me before the cameras roll?”

Without any further introduction, Arón takes a stride forward until he’s close enough for you to understand his real intention. He leans in only ninety percent of the way, waiting for your approval to seal the last ten percent. When you do, his eyes flutter shut and his lips curl into a smile against yours.

“Was that your plan all along?” You mumble against his lips as he pulls away.

“We all need ways of coping with stress,” He smirks a little, “Is that so bad?”

You laugh and try to fight against the bold blush on your cheeks.

“And you have nothing to worry about. You’re a much better kisser than Omar.”

“Well, I was coming to get (Y/n) to set but looks like I’ve seen and heard much more than I needed to,” Omar raises his brows from where he stood at your door, “I’ll tell them you’ll be a little late. Close your fucking door next time!” He laughs and walks off.

“Any less stressed?” Arón cocks a brow at you.

“Maybe let’s try that again.”

[treasure-my-aurora]

One More Night. Pt 2

A/n: Link to that thing (tm) that Joong does with his brows, https://twitter.com/hongtopia/status/1170371146790817794 Fattest shout out to @Hongtopia for killing me in the best way possible.

Pairing: Kim Hongjoong / fem!Reader 

Chapter: 2/14

Genre: Mutual pining, canon compliant, fluffy af, angsty af, suggestive, teasing and filled with that good shit that everyone loves

Words in this chapter: 6115

January and my schedule was busy again. I’d celebrated Christmas with my family, and I was happy to be back with things to do once again. I’d followed Eunji like a lost puppy throughout the end of December and it didn’t stop after New Years as I listened and executed her every command while I finished the last pieces for Hongjoong’s wardrobe at the same time, making sure to stay out of his way for as long as I could. His voice from that day in December when he wanted me to stay still resonated within me, but I was hellbent on not letting it cloud my judgement.

It was the 4th and time for them to take their concept photos. I was there early, the sun not even up yet, my car full of clothes and accessories and I started to load out, found my way to the waiting room where I started to unpack. The only people present were some tech guys that prepared the lights and cameras and two people from a catering company that lined up one of the tables with fruits, drinks and snacks. Loud noises an hour later interrupted my peaceful mind and I stood aside as Mingi walked through the door, large confident steps while leading the group with boasting energy and what resembled the sort of chanting, you’d do at a game of sport to cheer the supporters on. Arms outstretched like he wanted to give the whole world a good morning hug, only to basically jump into Yunho’s arms when he saw me standing in the corner. Looking at me like he’d just seen a ghost,

“Noona, you scared me. All of the others won’t be here for another hour” he exclaimed slightly offended and very embarrassed that I’d seen him, usually so cool and chill (at least around us noonas, his members was another story) curled up with his over 1,8 cm tall body, completely prepared to meet his maker. He detached himself from Yunho who was not even trying to hold his laughter and the other members pushed through the door to see what was so funny. I met Hongjoong’s surprised eyes where he stood, half hidden behind Seonghwa and I wet my lips when my breath hitched from not having seen him for close to two weeks. They all bowed slightly as they welcomed me back together with them and I bowed back, smiling. I’d missed their energy, their boyish humour and bouncing laughter.

We chit chatted about what they’d done over Christmas and New Year’s and soon enough Eunji arrived. She gave me a look of appreciation when she noticed that I was there already and prepared to start the day and I felt my heart swell with pride when she looked over Hongjoong’s clothes and gave me a smile that gleamed with satisfaction.

“Well, you know what to do… let’s get started” she said and motioned for Hongjoong to separate himself from his members.

He nodded shortly, his tongue flicked out between his lips and my heart flipped in my chest when he met my eyes under long eyelashes. I grabbed the clothing rack without a word, steered past the boys and wheeled it out of the room, knowing without looking that he followed in my steps towards a dressing room a few doors down. It was a plain room, mirrors and chairs on one side of it and a sofa with a table on the other and I placed the rack between them, inhaled sharply when the door shut and the clicking noise of the lock echoed between us. I turned around, the nervous butterflies in my belly made me feel slightly sick and I swallowed deeply when I finally met his eyes again. He’d held his promise with the mullet, the straightened hair reached past his shoulders. I recognized the shirt he was wearing. It was one of his favourite private ones and my stitches could be seen at a place where it always seemed to unravel. This time it wasn’t any difference and I made a mental note to use my sewing machine the next time, hopefully but not likely extending its life expectancy for a few more months. My eyes lingered at his chest. It was puffier since the last time I'd seen him, his shoulders bigger and arms filled out the shirt better… had he been working out since I last saw him?

“I missed you…” he exhaled and pushed me out of my distraction. Voice deeper than normal, like he was unsure of how I'd react. Maybe he thought that I was going to walk away again, and for a second I wanted to, almost stumbled from the impact as the gentle words pierced my heart like an arrow and I bit my lip, holding in a sigh at his words. I contained myself, refused to tip over an edge that could ruin me. My head cocked to the side slightly when I looked at him and I didn’t know if it was because I hadn’t seen him in a while or because I felt more comfortable in my job, knowing what to do and say by now to keep the well-oiled machine of management rolling, but damn… he looked good. Had he always looked this good? It was as if I hadn’t let my eyes linger for more than a few seconds these past months and now, I was clearly checking him out, noticing small details that I’d never seen before.

“I missed you too... “I started and tore my eyes away from his body, “I’ve missed all of you” I added quickly, and he nodded slowly, a disappointed look shadowed his face when I included his members.

I bit down on my lip and tried to get back to the point of why we were standing in front of each other, “Let’s get started, undress for me please” I said and fought to keep my voice as natural and normal as I could when I could see his Adam’s apple bop from gulping and he paused his movements for a second or two before he reached back to pull his turtleneck over his head and I bit my tongue to prevent a gasp from escaping.

I’d worked with people for years now, and naked bodies wasn’t something that made me blush any longer. They were a canvas, my clothes were the paint, and together they created a masterpiece but somehow, this time, it was different, and I felt my cheeks flush. I’d never actually seen him like this, I started working specifically for him after their wardrobe for the first era was finished and since I was more in the last department of touching up rather than the preparations, make-up, dress up and styling, a situation like this one had never been close to occurring.

“Noona?” His voice broke through and my breath hitched when I realized that I’d been staring.

I focused on the first piece of clothing on the rack and gave it to him without meeting his eyes.

“Aren’t I supposed to take off my pants as well?” he asked and I swallowed, suddenly nervous at his confidence and I hoped that he didn’t notice my awkwardness too much,

“Yeah, of course, sorry” I mumbled, my gaze strained at the floor and I fought the feeling of wanting to run away.

“I know you’re quite shy noona… but I would’ve never guessed you to be this prude” He chuckled and my brows furrowed as I looked up again, my mouth opened to protest and I paused, manually shutting my mouth again because I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of my surprise.

He looked like a dream, standing there in just his underwear. Body thin but strong with lean muscles and I swallowed hard, my mouth dry, butterflies exploding in my stomach and my heart racing as I took a shaky inhale before meeting his amused eyes.

“I… I’m not prude… it’s just… it’s been a long time since… “I trailed off, embarrassed but didn’t had to finish my sentence.

He gulped, nodded slightly like he knew what I talked about but couldn’t relate much and I wondered if the “no-dating” policy involved sexual encounters as well because if that was the case… I felt my stomach jump with excitement as the sudden familiar feeling of arousal pooled into my core and I felt my heart skip, hoping that he wouldn’t notice the blush that crept down my neck. He shamelessly revelled in my attention though, body flushed red from my intense stare but he held his stance and I wet my lips, seeing how his eyes flicked down to look at them when I did so and my stomach did somersaults as he looked away just as quickly, a blush covering his cheeks. The air surrounding us suffocated me and I remembered what the man had said during my interview three and a half months ago; ‘any sort of involvement, be it romantically or sexually with your designated clients will lead to your immediate termination’

I swallowed, broke his gaze and threw a pair of pants in his direction, “Put on your clothes, we don’t have all day”

He caught them and his face fell, a blow to his ego when I didn’t react as he hoped. He looked away as the feeling of failure made his cocky attitude shed its layers and he almost became embarrassed as he buttoned up the pants, and I felt a sting regret, but I had to ignore it. The feeling between us, what’d just happened, was dangerous and it shouldn’t happen again.

It couldn’t happen again.

-

The location for ‘HALA HALA’ was cold and uninviting. I stood in the warehouse with a big fluffy jacket, a sweater underneath but still shuttered slightly in the early morning. The hour lingering on the edge of still being night-time.

“How do I look?” Hongjoong asked and did a small twirl. The dark clothes and chains clashed with his sweet smile and I shook my head,

“Terrifying” I tried to say with a blank face but his aegyo made a smile tug at the corners of my mouth anyway.

He wiggled his brows, the sweet smile turned playful and he raised his hands, curled his fingers into claws and growled, but it sounded more like an angry kitten than a ferocious beast. A look that quickly changed the moment the music started and he turned into another person, not the cute and gentle Joong, but Hongjoong, the leader, musician and performer and my breath hitched and I actually took a step backwards when he came staggering towards me afterwards, hot breath coming out in white puffs of cold crystallized steam. I swallowed, almost intimidated when the large presence he emitted didn’t match his body. That was of course until he removed the facemask and let out a small “I’m cold” While curling up on himself and huddled close to the person who immediately rushed forward with hot packs.

-

Days passed and me and Hongjoong hung out like we usually did, in his studio or in my office. Not exactly talking but just enjoyed each other's company, the other usually on their phone answering emails and interacting with fans. I avoided what had happened a few days ago in the dressing room like the plague and he didn’t bring up anything either. I felt awkward, not knowing if he’d felt the same as I’d done or if he just found my sudden distance from him to be weird and to be honest, I dreaded both possibilities equally. The time for their comeback stage came and the procedure repeated except I held up a shield of professionalism this time, not even staggering every time he had to change an outfit, kept eye contact with me as he pulled his shirt over his head and let his pants pool at his ankles. I fixed his clothes without a word, added the accessories to his body with him looking at me from underneath his straightened fringe. Didn’t react when his body flinched with surprise as I rolled the lint remover over his chest and stomach, coming dangerously close to his crotch. His hand grazed over mine at one point and it was an innocent gesture, we’d known each other for three months now, basically working on top of each other, having had meetings with the CEO in our finest costumes and also chatting together in the studio, watching pirated movies on his computer in basic soft oversized clothes and talking about new concepts, our hopes and dreams.

I could see him hurting, wondering what he’d done wrong, but I couldn’t answer him, couldn’t explain that the reason why I was keeping him at bay was because I could feel myself falling for him, maybe not necessarily in love but falling in affection non the less, for his charm, his sweet words… and I couldn’t allow that to happen. I lived my dream, working with a company and a group that, according to the numbers, would be the next big thing. Thousands upon thousands of fans was going to look upon them, look upon their leader and it was my job to make sure that he’d not only look good, but strikingly gorgeous. Unreachable, absolutely stunning and perfect, like a God.

-

The rest of January flashed passed in a blink of an eye, time moved quicker now when every minute counted as we flew back and forth, made sure that everything ran smoothly.

I slept and ate when I could, broke down for thirty seconds alone by myself when the stress that abused my body became too much and cursed myself daily when I stabbed myself with a needle or I accidentally broke an accessory when putting it in place on Hongjoong’s clothes because I was shaking too much from anxiety and lack of sleep. He often took my hands in his then, my breath hitched every time he did so and told me to breathe with him, that I was doing an amazing job and I felt my jaw tensing when I met his eyes. Sometimes with the beautiful natural brown I was used to and sometimes I would feel my heart skip, when lenses clouded them, and a soft grey would be there instead.

I hated the stress, the pain and the misery but at the same time I lived for the moment when it all calmed down and the fans screamed as the boys went on stage. Taking deep breaths in rhythm of the music, feeling how my heart swelled with pride as Hongjoongs rapping flooded the stage, endorphins spreading the serotonin in my brain like a drug when I met his hooded eyes after the performance, tongue flicking out to wet his dry lips as his hair stuck to his forehead and sweat dripped from his chin.

…….

Stages, fan signs and interviews filled the first two weeks of February as well and it wasn’t until the 13th that I felt like I could take a breather. They recorded a log and me and the other styling noonas sat huddled together on a large sofa at the other side of the room, all with our phones in our hands, writing out schedules, mind maps, creating outfit changes and answered emails.

The boys made chocolate and the sweet smell of it filled the room, making our stomachs grumble. I looked up from my phone, distracted as Wooyoung started to talk with great compassion about how Valentine’s Day originated, my eyes flicked involuntarily over at Hongjoong, and I felt how my heart skipped a beat when he met my eyes, hands resting on the chocolate bar moulds in front of him and eyes twinkling behind the translucent glasses. He gave me a small smile, barely noticeable behind the face mask and I smiled back before going back to my phone, hoping that no one had seen the interaction and read anything else behind it than just a friendly exchange.

He stopped me with a hand on my shoulder when they were finished with the chocolate and the log wrapped up and the styling noonas quickly left, their schedule slightly different from mine, and I turned around surprised.

“Can I talk to you later noona? It’s about one of my outfits”

I nodded, a bit unsure of why he couldn’t just speak to me about it right now so that I had more time to fix an eventual problem but I complied and answered, “I’ll be in my office all afternoon” and he gave me a smile that reached his eyes, teeth pearly white and I turned on my heel to quickly walk out as my heart beat hard in my chest.

He showed up an hour later, and I stood up, ready to receive the clothing item but his hands were empty, and I must’ve looked surprised because he locked the door behind him, the clicking sound of it made me flinch.

“I just needed an excuse to talk to you” He said, not looking at me and talking with a pout on his lips.

My eyebrows rose and I crossed my arms over my chest, slightly pissed that I took time out of my schedule to fix something that apparently wasn’t broken and he pushed himself off the door he’d been leaning on, making me inadvertently take a step back as he got closer.

“I wanted to apologize. I don’t know what I’ve done and, to be honest, I’ve been too busy to even ponder on it but you’ve been acting strange for a month now, not even talking to me over the holidays and I didn’t want to bother you because I didn’t even know if you wanted to talk to me and I just…“ He paused, pouted, not knowing how to proceed and scratched his forehead, eyes scrunching, and I sighed as I suppressed the warm feeling that spread in my chest when I watched him. He reached into the jacket he wore and pulled out a bar of chocolate, one that he’d made earlier with the members, the edges were slightly melted from being hidden next to his body heat. He grabbed my hand and placed it there, knowing that I wouldn’t accept anything if he just reached it out for me to take, “I want you back, I want the noona I knew before Christmas. The noona I could kid around with. Who laughed so wonderfully at my jokes and scolded me when I messed up my clothes… I can’t stand the person you are now, you’re like a statue, emotionless when you’re next to me. I… “ He sighed, frustrated and I could feel his hands tremble slightly in mine, “I know that I’ve done something wrong and you don’t have to tell me” I opened my mouth to protest but he only grabbed my hand harder, repeating himself “You don’t have to tell me, you are different with the other members, laughing and being touchy touchy with them. I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry” He swallowed hard and let me go, turned on his heel and walked out before I had the chance to explain myself. Normally I’d let him go, it would be easier that way, but I could feel the seriousness of the situation. Hongjoong was hurt and it reached further than just him being hurt because I acted a certain way at work, it was affecting our personal lives at this point as well and I feared that I’d not only lose the wonderful friendship that had developed between us but perhaps also my chances to keep working for him if I continued to act like I didn’t even care about him. So, I ran after him, and he turned around, surprised when I almost crashed into him, stumbling as he caught me in his arms, and I gulped when his fingertips seemed to burn against the naked skin of my arms. I dragged him into a dim corridor on our left, away from a few prying eyes that watched the spectacle play out.

“I should be the one apologizing. You’re right, I’ve been a selfish idiot” He opened his mouth to protest at my choice of words, but I placed my hand over his lips to silence him. I couldn’t tell him everything I felt, not even knowing exactly how I felt because I’d never taken the time to reflect over it. So, I decided on a half-truth, “Ok, here’s the deal… You look good…” His eyebrows rose like he thought I was kidding, my statement bold but somewhat stiff and I rolled my eyes, “Ok, more than good. You’re hot as hell and I’m incredibly and almost unbearably attracted to you, so much that it makes me ashamed. That’s why I’ve been having difficulties working with you”

I removed my hand from his mouth, and he let out a small laugh, “That’s it? You’re attracted to me?” He shook his head, like he couldn’t believe what I just said before he added, “And here I was worried that you’d fallen in love with me or something”

I sighed, a tense smile on my lips as I cocked my head like I couldn’t believe what he was saying, my heart bursting into flames, burning it into crispy ash that filled my lungs and made it hard to breathe, “No, that would be ridiculous, why would I do that?” I said and bit back any sort of reaction that wanted to show up on my face because I absolutely did felt something for him… something more than just attraction. But the lie was smooth as rippling water and he bit his tongue, nodding slightly, the moment quickly turned from jokingly to awkward and I inhaled sharply, “So, now you know… let’s just… never mention this again… I mean, the fact that you look good isn’t really a surprise, but it definitely shouldn’t affect our working relationship so… “

“Of course,” He nodded again, a confident smile on his lips as he bid his goodbye. But I didn’t believe the confidence, mostly because I felt like I was going to be the one fucking it up.

-

I got my act together again after our small talk, our relationship improved slightly, and I tried to be more open to hang out with Hongjoong instead of just hiding away as soon as we had one minute over. The chocolate laid untouched in my fridge though, and I stared at it angrily every time I opened the door when we had two days off at the end of February. I paced back and forth in my apartment but didn’t do anything to break my nervous walking pattern as my head was up in the clouds with thoughts and ideas, going from my computer to the tv to the fridge and the drawing board before starting over again.

I decided to take a walk, hoped that fresh air would help clear my mind. It was a nice day, the air crisp and I could already see how winter took its last heavy breaths, birds chirping, and a soft glowing sun warmed my cold cheeks. Snowdrops were growing in the flowerbeds outside my apartment and I watched them with glee, happy to see the sign of spring. I started to walk, seemingly without a goal but my subconscious mind apparently wanted to fuck with me harder than normal when I realized that the house, I’d stopped at about half an hour later, was the boy’s dorm. Hongjoong seemed to be stuck like a leech on my brain and I knew that it probably shouldn’t bother me as much as it did. I shook my head and was just about to turn back, angry with myself when I suddenly heard someone familiar,

“Noona? Good morning, are you here to collect something?” Yeosang’s low but happy voice made me turn around and I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment. He was carrying two shopping bags, his manager quick on his heels, carrying two shopping bags as well and he bowed slightly when they walked up to me, bidding me a good morning as well. I swallowed, “No... I was just out for a walk, to grab some lunch…” I trailed off, not really knowing what to say to explain myself. I must’ve looked like a creep, staring up at their dorm without a plan in mind but Yeosang didn’t seem to think about it, happily inviting me to join them for a brunch instead. I figured, why not, I was already there, and I didn’t mind the company. The manager wished us a good day, knowing that Yeosang was back in the safety of his home and I reached out to take the bags he’d carried. I took off my shoes and hung my coat, already impressed with the space, excited to see the rest of the place and traced in Yeosang’s footsteps as we made it into the kitchen. I’d only seen it from the outside when I delivered packages or getting clothes that needed alterations. Yeosang gave me a small tour and Mingi and San soon joined us, happily showing off the large dorm and I giggled softly when San introduced me to his plushie dog, Shiber who he took with him every time they would go to a place that they had to spend the night. The food was already finished, brought from a take-away restaurant nearby and I helped to set the table. They all gathered around it and I was just about to sit down when I realized that we were one man short,

“Where’s Hongjoong?” I asked and the members exchanged a look among them, already digging into the food like they were used to him being excluded from group activities.

“Still working, as usual” Seonghwa answered, a mixture of pride and sadness in his voice and I stood up, abruptly and the boys looked at me confused, “It’s the one with the closed door” Seonghwa added quickly, bringing soup to his mouth and looked away like he knew that he shouldn’t intervene.

I basically jumped off the sofa, walked down the corridor with angry steps, enraged at the way Hongjoong was constantly acting against his members, more than often being so captivated in being a good leader that he sometimes forgot how to be a good hyung. I ripped the door open, stormed in and Hongjoong clutched his laptop tightly against his chest as if it was a baby he needed to protect, a small yelp escaped his lips when I glared daggers into him where he sat on the lower bunk bed. He swallowed when he realized that he wasn’t under attack and removed his headphones,

“Noona? You surprised me… what are you doing here?” He said, face flushed, and I tensed my jaw, not knowing how to respond, taken aback when I looked at him. His hair was a mess, large glasses covered almost half his face, lips dry and slightly cracked, pink from his constant chewing on them, like he always did when he concentrated on something. He let out a small gasp when he noticed my eyes on his body and he tried to cover himself up with his pillow, hugging it against his chest, only dressed in boxer shorts and an oversized top. The fact that he just sat there, looking so effortlessly good, having spent the entire night in front of his computer, eyes glazed with exhaustion, thighs red where the underside of the laptop burned on them, the room smelled of musky sweat and cologne and I wanted to scream at him, angry that he was constantly pressing on my every button. Pissed off beyond belief when my riled-up body pushed on the feelings I had for him, furious that I couldn’t tell him how much it hurt when he was picking away at my heart, making me more and more delusional every time I saw him, and just so, so tired of the way he was treating the people around him that it made me want to cry. He was selfless but, in a way, that he’d rather put others on pedestals because he didn’t want to stand there himself and therefore hiding away when others wanted to spend time with him. Not understanding how much people actually enjoyed his company.

“If you don’t get up and join the others, your members... the people you call family and have the meal that they’ve prepared for us, I will take your laptop with me, walk out the front door and you’ll never see it again, do you understand?” My voice was pleasantly calm, and I gave him a smile.

I would never take his laptop, of course. I knew how much it meant to him and how much it would hurt if he lost the contents on it, but the seriousness of my voice made him nod, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. Five seconds passed and then ten and he still held the laptop in a tight grip, his knuckles white.

“So, what are you waiting for?” I said, getting more and more impatient and he took a shaky breath.

“I’ll… join you soon… I just need to change my clothes” he said, and I squinted my eyes at him but didn’t feel the need to stay if he understood that I was serious so I left and joined the others who avoided my eyes, probably scared that they’d get into trouble as well when my emotions already ran high.

Hongjoong joined us a few minutes later, smiling when the members shouted out a big welcome to him, they all scooted to the side and served him some food as well. I met his eyes, but he quickly looked away again, his tongue flicking out to wet his lips and I tensed my jaw, feeling my mouth go dry.

…….

It was March and the last stage of promotion for the second era. I was attaching Hongjoong’s jewellery and tried my utmost not to drool over his red costume. He looked unbelievably good and I had to bite my tongue when he let out a small gasp as I pulled on his belt, his body flushed close against mine with the movement and I fastened it, my fingers so dangerously close to where I wanted to place my hand that I felt myself sweating. The thought of just giving in to my desire and palm him right then and there in the waiting room with at least ten other people around us, made my cheeks flush and I avoided his eyes when they curiously searched for mine.

“You’re done” I said shortly and took a step back, but he gripped my wrist like he didn’t want me to leave yet. He'd been doing that more often these last days as we worked endless hours close together. His fingertips often reached out to softly touch my arm or hand without a clear reason as to why or gently twirl a lock of my hair when I worked on his clothes. I always avoided his eyes, scared that I'd give in and press my lips against his if I met them, feeling how my face flushed red every time.

I gave him a meaningful look to remind him that we weren’t alone, my eyes flicked out over the room. He followed my line of sight and quickly released me again, straightened out his clothes, gave me a final look under his fringe and then left me to rush out on stage, the fan chanting could be heard through the wall and I sat down with a sigh. I took out my phone, took a sip of my americano while I answered emails and tried my hardest to shake the suffocating feeling that weighed on my heart. A TV in the room showed a live feed of what the camera’s recorded and I couldn’t help myself as my line of sight moved up on reflex when the song started, my eyes not leaving Hongjoong for a second and I chewed on the side of my cheek as his part of the chorus started, him dropping his body before the iconic dance move with swinging legs and thrusting hips started and I quickly looked down at my phone again, flustered. I sighed and cursed at him for being such an ass.

“What was that earlier?” Eunji peered down at me with slightly upset eyes and I felt my heart skip a beat, scared that she'd read something into our interactions.

“What was what?” I asked, my voice almost failing me, and she motioned at the TV with her head.

“What he did before. He grabbed you… does he hurt you?” her concerned voice reminded me of my mother and I quickly shook my head while taking another sip of my americano.

“Nononono, he just… he’s fine, I mean, I’m fine… we’re both fine, we’re friends” I stumbled over my own nervous words and Eunji looked at me like she didn’t believe me but it would threaten our work relationship if she dug deeper into what I was saying so she just gave me a scoff and walked away.

The boys finished, jogged down the hallway back towards us and I stood up again, ready to help. They stumbled through the door, sweat on their brows and I congratulated them on a well-executed performance. I handled Hongjoong a mini fan and a bottle of water and he took it with a smile, his eyes rolling back slightly and his eyebrows did that thing I’d grown to love, but couldn’t describe to save my life when the cold air fanned his face and I swallowed hard to suppress a gasp at the lovely expression. He gulped down the water, some of it dripped down his chin and landed on his clothes and I tensed my jaw and gave him a look that spoke of my disapproval. One brow rose when he met my eyes again and he stuck out his tongue at me, knowing that water wasn’t worse than sweat and that my reaction was more based on his recklessness. He went to sit down with his members in a sofa at the other side of the room and Seonghwa soon asked for a video camera so that they could record a log. They talked about how much they’d enjoyed this era and was looking forward to have a break but that they obviously were going to miss Atiny as well, their fake crying made me giggle softly and it was as if Hongjoong had sonar hearing because he met my eyes and smiled brightly and I couldn’t help but smile back as my heart flipped in my chest. Seonghwa recorded Yeosang for a bit, praised him and I couldn’t help but snicker as they talked about the stage. Hongjoong rushed over to me and I felt my breath hitch in my throat when he came so close to me. His cologne hitting me in the face and making me dizzy.

“Are you finished with this?” He asked and placed his hand over mine, taking my americano away from me when my flustered state let it go and I was just about to open my mouth to protest when he interrupted me, “You’ll get it back” before he laid down on the sofa, a book that he’d been reading whenever he had the time, in his hands and he gleefully called for his hyung to record him as well.

I shook my head to their shenanigans and opened a bag of snacks instead while I waited for my coffee to come back. San joined with some beef jerky at the end of Hongjoongs talking, half joking and half bullshitting to the camera and I chuckled softly when he raised a piece of jerky over his head, flinging it back and forth like a 1800th century merchant who tried to earn a living. Hongjoong jumped up again and rushed towards me, just as Seonghwa moved the camera over to Mingi, dipped his hand into my bag of snacks, stuck out his tongue at me when I protested and then dove back into the sofa, earning a laughter from the styling noonas standing at the make-up table on the side and my heart swelled as he laid down on the book, using it as a pillow, my americano cold and forgotten on the floor underneath him.

[rkxluda]

                                       MGA season 4, ep. 6 - Summer                                                  Team A - Universe       #4003 ( Kim Junmyeon ) #4010 ( Joo Haknyeon ) #4012 ( Kim Yongsun )                             #4039 ( Minatozaki Sana ) #4042 ( Hwang Hyunjin )                                              #4033 Lee Luda, vocals                                           Exo - Love Me Right | Outfit

“All of you will continue with us next week.” Luda couldn't believe her ears. Third place? That didn't sound real. Her teams placed last twice in a row, how could this be possible, especially with her as leader? She knew she didn't have any leading qualities. She helped where she could and tried to be cheerful and minded everyone's opinions and sure that was important, but that wasn't enough to be a leader. And yet they managed to place third and for the first time, no one was eliminated. Not one single team member. The girl couldn't help the tears streaming over her face and she let them. At the same time she tried doing so quietly, not wanting to seem overly unprofessional. She thanked her team as soon as they were off the stage – Luda knew she wouldn't have made it without them. And she was sad that they all would have to move on to their new teams, but she was still thankful for the experience.

To her surprise Hyunjin was on her team again – and she was glad to know at least one face, as she's never worked with anyone else of this weeks team before. Six teammates was a stark contrast to four and worry over smooth decision-making came to mind. Luckily everything went surprisingly smooth. She was still glad that she wasn't eligible as leader anymore. When they first met, it was obvious that some of the other members already knew each other and she hoped it would help the teamwork. She wasn't one to feel left out easily and she tried to clink in whenever she thought of a possibly good idea. Team Universe sounded like a great idea and even more so that everyone would choose a planet for themselves. She initially thought of Neptune – her favourite Sailor Moon character – but the planet was fast taken and she took to her phone to have a look at other planets. Pluto came to mind. But when she saw Mercury and how beautiful the planet looked in pictures, her mind was fast set on it. It was also the smallest planet of the solar system, so that's what she would say to anyone teasing her about not having chosen Pluto. She fought hard against the urge to suggest dressing up as sailor scouts for the performance – it didn't quite seem serious enough. But she was still happy with the concept.

This time the song chosen was Exo's “Love Me Right”, a song she found had a very nice feel to it, though a lot of other songs came to mind before this one, when she thought of summer songs. But she didn't mind the choice at all – she understood that half the team were boys who might feel uncomfortable doing something very girlie, even if that's what she really craved to do by now. She found girlie concepts suited her more and that's what she also liked listening to. Not exclusively, but a lot. Still, Love Me Right was a nice choice. It wasn't too masculine and something that was also important: the dance wasn't incredibly difficult, even if it wouldn't be easy. This criteria was something that in her mind, excluded a sad amount of songs. She wished she could deliver a hard dance well, but the first two group performances were enough to make her feel very careful about song choices.

Practising went relatively well this week... for the most part. She went home to sleep the first and last days, otherwise sleeping at the practise room again. She didn't know how much longer she could continue with so little sleep, but for the frail person she was, she had a very sturdy health and body. The performance this time seemed a bit more trendy-casual she thought, while the previous one had had a calmer-casual feel to it. She really liked going through so many different concepts, even if she still wanted to do a cute girl group one. The only kind she feared were sexy, super masculine and dance-heavy ones. But she would do her best in those as well, if ever a performance would require her to.

During the week she practised her breathing technique again, as well as the usual vocal, dance and expressions. She'd found different methods that were supposed to help and – except for the amount she slept every night – gave her best to live healthily. The tangerines Haknyeon's mother sent were surely a boost in vitamins and she was happy he shared them with the team. She also put more focus on warming up properly so she wouldn't hurt herself. Overall she'd learned many new things over the past weeks and felt like she made good progress. Of course that was no reason to relax – especially after coming in third place, she was worried to fall lower again. But it showed that she could achieve good results. Of course there would always be the worry that she only made it this far because her teams saved her and that she by herself wasn't good enough for third place, but she couldn't let that consume her thoughts. She could only do her best and outgrow herself.

They all worked hard and she admired how well Yongsun was doing. But then she collapsed and the team was understandably shocked and hurried to her, including Luda. This had happened in none of her previous teams so far and even though she hurried to her side, she felt frozen and was unsure how to do, so she did whatever came to mind to help. She was shocked and even after the other continued practising, Luda kept having an eye on her, just to make sure.

As usual she had most fun with the vocal runs, which she had quite a few of. She thought Yongsun had a very beautiful voice, though she also liked Sana's and Junmyeon's singing. Really, she was impressed by the whole team and felt like she had to put in a lot more work to keep up. There was still a lot she had to learn when it came to her voice, but she enjoyed learning. Dancing still wasn't easy, especially this dance. While she knew the song already, she never realised how difficult and fast the dance was. She'd been happy that they decided against something as difficult as the BTS song that came up, but soon realised this wouldn't be easy either and it was also part of the reason why she decided to stay and sleep at the practise room again. Sometimes she fell, sometimes she could only stare at herself in the mirror because her brain seemed to black out and she suddenly couldn't remember the next step. It was difficult to make full movements and not have her arms bent, when the moves were so fast that sometimes even her brain couldn't keep up.

One night when she was alone at the practise room was especially difficult. It was the beginning of the week still, but her progress wasn't as good as she wanted it to be. She didn't get as far with the vocal part as she wanted, because she had to focus on dancing a lot. But all the dance practise kept her from practising singing properly. She wasn't satisfied with herself and worried, how this would continue over the week. She continued dancing either way, but her face showed a very unusual expression. Before, she'd adjusted her expression to the song while practising, so she would see whether she gave off a fitting image. But now her brows pulled together and her jaw was tense. She felt tears prickling in her eyes as she continuously messed up certain moves and took deep breaths to calm herself down to keep going. As she went on though, she continuously had to wipe tears off her cheeks. She didn't know where they came from – she's never been the best dancer and she's been distraught during the previous weeks before, but this time was different and she couldn't pinpoint what the reason was.

Luda didn't stop until sobs overtook her and she let herself fall onto the floor, hands covering her face. She quietly cried except for the one or other sob for a while until she felt empty. After a good 10 minutes, she left the practise room and came back soon after. She'd washed her light make-up off, after her mascara had been a mess anyway. Because of the cameras, she'd usually worn at least a bit of it, but now she didn't care and as it was only light make-up anyway, it didn't change too much, only that her eyes were still a little swollen from crying. With a stern expression she rarely ever showed, the girl continued practising, filming herself and comparing it to the original, trying to better herself, even when no one else was around. She couldn't leave her team hanging.

Eventually she sat down in a corner and fell asleep in the early morning hours.

Days later, not much had changed except that she was indeed progressing very well. It wasn't perfect, sure, but as everyone worked together pretty well – especially with some of them already knowing each other from previous teams – she felt motivated and hopeful and it gave her strength to not give up. She wasn't really over whatever had made her cry, but she did her best to keep busy, so she wouldn't have time to think about it.

The days rushed by and being the first team to perform, she found herself on stage faster than she could really fathom. While it was nice to have the performance done quickly, it would also mean they would have to wait the longest until eliminations and performing first was even more nerve wrecking now than holding the first presentation at school. Having to start the song didn't make anything better.

They introduced themselves as Team Universe and continued on individually.

“My entire universe is you,” she quoted part of her lyrics, “Hello, I'm Lee Luda, Universe's Mercury,” she made a finger heart at the audience. “With our performance today, I hope to make you all feel lighter in this warm summer!” she exclaimed and referenced the fact that things weighed a lot less on Mercury than they did on Earth.

Oh yeah, come on!

She started energetically, holding her hand out and pulling her fingers toward herself, telling a non-existent person to come closer. Her voice was stronger than during practise, possibly because of the adrenaline flowing through her, but it fit the song quite well and she was glad that she neither messed up the very beginning of their performance, nor had a longer start. The dance continued on with a lesser complicated part. She pushed her arms out and smoothly angled them back in and moved her elbows slightly up and down – it reminded her a bit of the chicken dance – while keeping a smile on her face. Jumping to the side while rhythmically throwing one leg out went well, too and she continued, concentrated on the dance.

Yeah~

Luda sang prettily, after Haknyeon's rap – she didn't know much about rap, but thought he was very good at it – ended. And she thought that the lines she got suited her voice well – and she was very happy about the amount she'd gotten. Though a few of them were more in the background, she loved ad-libbing and vocal runs and enjoyed it.

Just love me right Baby love me right

As the song progressed she continued to enjoy it, no matter how frustrated she'd been during the training, she couldn't worry about that now. She sang clearly and with a smile in her eyes, whenever singing hindered her from smiling. It seemed like she hadn't earnestly smiled in a while, even though that wasn't the truth. But being on stage like this was just on another level and she loved flowing over the stage and showing the world her voice. Even if she had to put a lot of focus on flowing, otherwise stomping more like an elephant.

Just love me right Just love me right Just love me right

For this performance, her lines were spread over the whole song a lot more, than before. It had taken a lot of concentration while learning the song, so she wouldn't miss a beat. The constantly changing formation in the choreography made it even more difficult and while she hadn't been sure whether she would ever be able to learn this at first, she was pretty confident now. Her movements surely weren't perfect, but she didn't get into anyone else's space, which was a plus. Her hard work to get the choreography down really showed, even if she still had a lot to learn.

We can’t stop, ah yeah

It was fun to sing the song, even when she had to focus on so many things and be careful to not get into anyone's space. She felt like her joy showed well in her voice. She moved with energy, just like she sang and felt as though high, whenever she could beam a bright smile at the audience, or wink at a camera.

A bright, moonlit night the stars give off their fireworks

Progressing from line to line and from move to move, she gets more and more immersed by the song, with no room left for thoughts like “At the beginning of the week I never would've thought I could do this well” or “What if I'm only imagining that I'm doing well, what if I'm actually messing up big time?”. Of course her dancing wasn't perfect, but her breathing had gotten a lot better, just like her stamina. It had been difficult to sing with a clear voice, when the dance asked her to move so much, but hard work indeed paid off.

On this highway, it’s a runway Milky way inside your eyes looking at me

With what almost seemed like casual ease, she moved to the centre of the formation, while singing and gave her best confident smirk, before moving to the side again. There was a lot of effort behind it still – nothing was ever as easy as it seemed after all.

Love me right

Alluring lady

Ooh~

My entire universe is you

Oh yeah~

It seemed like this performance was the one to pass by the fastest so far, going from high note to the next and Luda tried to bring everything out of her voice that she had and she mentally prepared for one of her favourite parts already.

You and I, the night sky

She stands still, raising her right arm, while putting her all into her voice and turning slightly to the side after letting it back down. She puts the hand of her other arm over her heart and draws out the note prettily. So far she'd preferred to stand at the side and just sing well, but being in the centre of the formation, even only for a few seconds, even when she stood at the back, really felt good.

On this highway, it’s a runway Milky way inside your eyes looking at me Just love me right (Aha) Baby love me right (Aha)

Oooh yeah yeah yeah

After Sana finishes the next line, they all sing together, clapping their hands on the sides of their legs, Luda only singing the last line alone. It's another of her favourite parts and she loves it whenever she can play with her voice, rather than only singing the lyrics.

My lady

After drawing out notes yet again, it's already her turn again and after she successfully finished the lines she smiles, showing her teeth and her chest heaves a bit, trying to get in as much air as possible, but winks at the camera. She sings the next line together with Sana.

And she continued through the rest of the song and dance with all she's got, having fun and hoping it would catch onto the crowd. She plays her voice to the best of her abilities for her last lines and once the song is over, Luda freezes in the end pose, until they get the sign to move. She's breathing heavily by now and feels dizzy, leaning a bit too much to one side, but catches herself. She'd smile at the others, but is breathing too hard. She gave it her all throughout the song, and while her dancing wasn't perfect, she felt proud. A bit of worry that she was proud when she shouldn't be filled her, but deciding she really had to stop downplaying her abilities, she ignored those thoughts. Of course she had her weaknesses, but everyone did.

Her high, if it could be called such, soon came to an end when they were off the stage and she saw Junmyeon crying. Seeing someone else in tears always brought the same to her eyes, but she swallowed them, trying to add words of encouragement like the others did.

Now they would have to wait until all other teams had performed and then some more for the judges to decide and she prayed.

[kkumabase]

[ 190319 / VLIVE ] KKUMA HOSTS A VLIVE WHERE SHE SINGS, TEASES FUTURE PLANS, ANSWERS FAN QUESTIONS & GIVES FANS ADVICE

Below are some brief highlights of the hour-and-45-minute-long broadcast. You can rewatch the entirety of her stream on her VLIVE Channel.

FAN: You probably get asked this every day, but will you be releasing a new album soon? 

🐻: I do get asked this quite a lot, but that’s fine with me! I’m more than happy you all are so eager for my music. It doesn’t bother me at all. I will be releasing an album sometime this year, but I can’t give too many details about it. I don’t want to spoil it, and I’m still working with my company to figure out when will be the best time to release it, and to organize all the aspects that will come with and after it. I promise the wait won’t be too long. Please anticipate me warmly. 

FAN: Unnie, how do you maintain such a perfect and healthy body? 

🐻: First of all, thank you for the compliment! I don’t know if I would consider my body “perfect” [ laughs ] but I do work hard to maintain a good shape, and nice posture as well. Of course the answer is diet and exercise, but the part people tend to leave out is how important mental health is in relation to physical health. If you change your mentality and you want to be healthy for yourself, it becomes a lot easier to put in the hard work to fit regular exercise into your schedule, and to eat better. I focus more on eating well and healthily rather than restricting what I eat to lose weight quickly. I’m more interested in maintaining a healthy weight and a strong body than being incredibly thin. Of course, everyone cheats now and then, and that’s totally fine! Just be sure that you have the motivation and discipline to know when it’s okay to have something that might not be the healthiest thing to eat. Also, if you’re really unsure of where to start, consulting a dietitian is a great idea.  

FAN: If you ever go on tour, can you promise to come to Thailand? 

🐻: I can promise that, if I ever go on tour, I will work as hard as possible to make sure Thailand is a stop. Just for you. 

FAN: Hi, Unnie. I like girls just like you, but I’m not sure how to tell my parents or my friends yet. I’m still in secondary school. Can you help me?

🐻: Hello, sweetheart. Everyone’s situation is different, so I’m not entirely sure if all the advice I can offer will be helpful to you in your situation, but you should definitely wait until you are completely comfortable with the fact that you like girls before you start to tell anyone. Believe it or not, your orientation isn’t anyone’s business and you’re not obligated to tell anyone about it, besides those you want to pursue as romantic partners, really. But romance should also wait until you’re comfortable with who you are as well. Nevertheless, though it’s not [ air quotes ] ‘required’ to tell anyone, it is definitely something you should do when it comes to those who are important in your life. We live in a semi-conservative society, especially when the older generation is considered, so you should start with your friends, and see how they respond. Then eventually tell your parents and anyone else in your family. Make sure you have a support system behind you if things go wrong. But don’t go in assuming they will -- you should always enter a serious space with positive energy. Also, remember that those who truly love and care for you will accept you no matter who you like or feel attracted to. You don’t need anyone who puts you out. It can hurt, but you’re strong and you should love yourself enough to hold your head high and fall back on those who support you, always. I support you. I hope you know that, and I hope this was helpful. Good luck! [ shows many finger hearts to the camera ] 

FAN: Hello from Japan! My question is if we can see more choreography videos or dance covers soon? Also, will you ever release music in Japanese, and promote in Japan?  ᵔᴥᵔ

🐻: That little bear emoticon is so cute! I’m definitely going to steal that later. [ laughs ] But hello, angel! I definitely want to share more dance-oriented work soon. The last project I worked on was a choreography with my sister, to 5OGUE’95′s “Really,” in case you haven’t seen that yet. It’s on Enigma’s YouTube Channel! A lot of good music has come out lately, so I’m definitely inspired. I’ve just got to find the time to create stuff like that. It’s definitely a priority among others. As for a Kkuma Japanese Debut, it’s definitely on my radar -- considering that my stage name has meaning in both Korean and Japanese, and I adore the language and the culture. When the opportunity comes, you can bet I’ll hop on the first plane to Japan! 

FAN: Are there any other idols or musicians that you really want to collab with?  

🐻: I’d love to do anything with any of the members of 5OGUE. We’ve worked together already production-wise, and I know most of the members very well, but I have yet to do a song with any of them. It’s definitely something I want, hopefully before this year ends. I finally got to collab with Minnie, though honestly, I couldn’t ever get enough of that. Our styles come together so well, and I just adore her in every possible way. [ pauses ] There are so many artists I’d like to work with, now that I think about it. I couldn’t possibly list them all. And despite me being one of the first artists to sign to Chapel, Cola and I haven’t released anything together either - so, of course, that’s a priority. I’d like to sing with Seongwoo, from Etude; he definite caught my attention after I saw him on “Masked Singer.” Ummm ... Duri, from Brat. Even if it’s just a dance collab. Though she is a woman of many talents. Honestly, I love collaborating with other artists. I can’t imagine myself ever saying no to anyone. [ laughs ] 

FAN: How is your brother doing? And your dog?

🐻: Jay is doing very well! He’s still away at school, so I haven’t seen him in a while, but we spoke last night. Summer is getting closer, though, so he’ll be moving back in soon. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing. [ giggles ] I’m kidding. It’s always good to have him home. It’s even better when he cleans up after himself. As for Phillip, he’s doing great as well! Still very round and fluffy. He’s a grumpy boy but as long as he’s full of food and gets tummy rubs, his day is set. 

FAN: Will you be returning to the US sometime soon?  

🐻: [ in English ] That’s in the plan, for certain. I know a lot of my fanbase is International, which is why I still choose to release a lot of music in English, and I want to keep that connection strong. Plus, as embarrassing as it gets to admit sometimes, the US is my roots, and people say you always find your way back home, one way or another. [ laughs ] I may or may not be coming there to film something soon. Maybe. 

FAN: Can you do more modeling, or CFs? I miss Unnie’s face on ads and TV ㅠ ㅠ 

🐻: Aww, don’t worry. I may have a few things coming up in the near future. I’m just picky when it comes to collaborating with brands or studios, because I want it to be a product or a message I truly feel positively about. 

FAN: Will you come to MoonPride this year?  

🐻: If I don’t ever show up to MoonPride as either a performer or a guest, assume that I’ve died.

FAN: Unnie’s rap in “BDE” was so fierce!! You should rap more!!

🐻: Aww, you think so? Thank you! I think I’ve improved a lot, honestly. Rapping is fun, but my heart really lies with singing. Mostly I just do it to mix it up, I never want to become boring or predictable, even if I can do a lot of different things with my voice by this point in my career. It’s just nice to have options, and to never stop improving. You’ll certainly hear more rap from me in the future!!

FAN: How do you deal with hate comments and negative energy ...?

🐻: To be honest, I don’t. I ignore it. I’m always open to kind and thoughtful criticism, but meaningless hate doesn’t deserve any of my energy. Of course I’m only human, and sometimes my curiosity gets the better of me or I have a bad day and it gets me down, but I try to make it into a learning experience, and remember that I’ve come so far and I have a lot of people who love what I do, and who support me. And that I can and have been successful in achieving my dream, regardless of what others have thought -- maybe even in spite of it. Nobody can take that away from me, no matter how much they dislike me. 

FAN: Are you keeping up with Drag Race? Who are you rooting for?

🐻: [ in English ] I’m two episodes behind, actually, but I’m planning on catching up as soon as I’ve got the time! This season has been stunning. I was rooting for Soju, but her time came too soon, [ whines ] so now my heart is with Plastique. She’s absolutely gorgeous, and all her looks are stunning. We follow each other on Instagram, actually, and we have been for a while! I had no idea she was going to be on the show. 

FAN: Unnie, your voice is so unique and pretty. Do you just sing naturally or have you worked to develop that sound with lessons, trial and error, etc? Either way, I think you have the prettiest voice in the world and I could listen to your music all day.  

🐻: Well, thank you! This is the sweetest thing I’ve heard in a while. I’ve been singing as long as I’ve been talking, honestly. Probably before that. [ laughs ] But when I was a trainee under a certain company, of course I had singing lessons. I remember my least favourite was where my vocal coach would make me do a handstand and sing the entire Korean National Anthem. I did like running on the treadmill and singing, though. I still do that when I exercise, and sometimes I even get inspiration for new music while working out. I also had to sing doing cartwheels, sing on a stationary bike, and sing while jumping rope, just to name a few things. As crazy as that sounds, it worked! My voice is pretty stable, and I have no problem singing while dancing. However, I did damage my voice really badly while under that company, because they required me to do a really unhealthy technique to produce a ‘unique’ sound. I was too afraid to do surgery because I didn’t want to lose my voice forever, so I had to undergo injections for the better part of a year, and my doctor told me not to sing at all for all that time - and to not even speak unless I absolutely had to. [ pauses, sighing shakily ] it was really hard. But I got through it, and I re-taught myself how to sing, and a lot of the wacky training I had to do back then came in handy when I put my voice through rehab. So I’ve had to do a lot of work to get to where I am now. [ smiles softly ] I’m proud of myself. Thank you for this comment. I’ll always remember it. 

FAN: Is Unnie dating any pretty girls? ㅋ ㅋ ㅋ

🐻: [ laughs heartily ] No, unnie is not. Unnie is very single. Which is fine, I’m not in a rush to get into a relationship at this point in my life. I haven’t been for years, really. But if someone came along, I wouldn’t complain.

[ The chat flooded with ‘date me!’ and ‘I’m here!’ after that, causing Kkuma to burst into laughter. ] 

🐻: Guys, guys! You’re so silly, please. 

FAN: Unnie, I saw you in Hongdae a few weeks ago, but I was nervous to approach you because I thought you might get uncomfortable or mad ㅠ ㅠ ㅠ

🐻: Really? Aaahh, don’t worry about that! As long as you’re kind and respectful, Unnie won’t get upset. If you see me, you can come say hi! It’s alright. [ shows finger hearts ]