#I’m a women gender sexuality major can u tell

[queerofcups]

Dear Yuletide 2023 Writer

Hi Yuletide writer! This is my first time doing Yuletide, so thank you SO much for the fic you’re gonna write. It probably doesn’t exist yet, but I already love it. Please don’t take my chattiness as directives (other than my DNWs), I’m really just putting you in the general arena of stories I wanna read, go wild from there.

Requests: Worlds Beyond Number (Podcast)

I know Word of God is that Suvi, Ame, and Eursulon are faaaaamily, but I think it’s legal to think the kid you went to summer camp with turned out to be a hottie actually.

There’s so! much! tension! Between these three and its nearly all unspoken and I think that’s very sexy and interesting

OT3 endgame, but totally fine with pre-endgame hookups & feelings between any two members of our little party

Plotwise, go nuts here, I’ll take anything from silly falling into bed together to the serious, hard work of making a relationship work with people with VERY different politics, or even the aforementioned, “oh damn, such and such got hot???” fic. I just want more of these three together.

The Bear (TV 2022)

Carmy and Sid hooking up would be a TERRIBLE idea, professionally speaking, and probably also emotionally speaking. I want to read about the ways that it could go wrong and why they do it anyway. Do they keep it a secret? Do they fail at keeping it a secret? Is it incredibly obvious to the rest of the crew?

I’ve read a lot of very sweet fics where they fall in love and all is great, and those are wonderful, but I think messy power dynamics are hot and interesting and they’ve got bad idea written all over them.

Bonus bonus points if you engage with what food, cooking and meals mean to both of them.

Barbie (Movie 2023)

Let Barbie be gay!!!! Greta Gerwig was trying to tell us something with all that Indigo Girls and Birkenstock and I wanna read someone picking up what she’s putting down. Barbie’s first gay hookup! Barbie’s first, third and fifteenth u-haul! What does it mean for an idea that’s an icon of heterosexuality to become a person who…isn’t straight!

Whether it’s funny or deadly serious, I’m interested in what people imagine might happen if Barbie turns out to be a lesbian, specifically.

Joy Ride (2023)

I can’t be the only one who saw some sexual tension between Lolo and Kat. Do they become rivals for Audrey’s affections? Is it a competition to see how many people they can sleep with (and then they end up sleeping with each other?). Does Kat realize that her hubby is great, but actually can’t keep up with her and has to outsource? The world’s your oyster here, anon!

General Likes:

Emotional introspection from characters

Descriptions of setting, food, sensations, etc

Messy lines between friendship, romantic relationships and sexual relationships

Messy & fucked up power dynamics - Not necessarily dead dove, but any semi-realistic takes on people who, due to their positions, really shouldn’t be doing this

A lot (most?) of my request involve at least one person of color. I like fic that acknowledges that those experiences mean something. I don’t need an anti-racism TED talk or anything, it’s just nice to know that someone’s thinking about that kind of stuff.

Gay shit! Similar to the note above, I’m not looking for a TED talk, but I like fics to contend with what it might mean to be a queer person in the world (if its a canon where that matters)

Smut wise: public sex, sex pollen, ABO (if you’re gonna say something thoughtful about sex/gender/sexuality), casual kink, edging, descriptions of sensation

Tropewise: I like curtainfic, I don’t mind an AU (love mail-order bride AUs, arranged marriage AUs, anything requiring people to get used to each other)

A note on femslash: I’m not interested in fic that’s gender swapped men. Also, I love fic about trans women, but I’m not interested in futa fic.

Hard Nos: * Noncon (Dubcon is fine, but I need there to be clear signs of the no becoming/being a yes) * Underage * Major Character Death (in which they stay dead) * No scat, no puke, no pee, I feel neutral about blood, sweat, spit, etc. Race play, racial slurs being used in non-reclaimed way

General Dislikes: *Purely sweet, fluffy fics *Grimdark, dead dove, trauma for the sake of trauma *High School AUs *Crossovers w other media *Kink being formally negotiated on screen *Kidfic *Pregnancy fic (but I am fine with dealing with an unexpected pregnancy) *Gen fic *COVID mentions are fine, but no COVID plotpoints

[queen-caramilflinda]

The fact Lou is playing a queer character this season makes me really happy. Obviously gay people should be able to play gay characters and that representation is incredible BUT there is such a culture among cishet men of not wanting to seem gay, or that being gay somehow takes away from masculinity that it is refreshing in a way to see a cishet man jumping right in and playing a queer person without it being awkward, stereotypical, or overcompensating. Not only does Lou play it well but the rest of the cast doesn’t question it either, despite Lou (afaik) historically only playing straight men.

[lochnessies]

ok here’s a dissection of a post an anon sent me the link to and bc i have the worst time management possible and i completely forgot i had it lol so sorry anon here you go ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

I am constantly thinking about how Edelgard just doesn’t seem designed to appeal to cishet men.

i hate to be the one to break this news to you op but just because a character doesn’t show skin like charlotte fire emblem doesn’t mean she isn’t designed to pander to men. she’s very much designed to pander to the (majority straight male) player base with her ‘uwu i only trust you professor omg did u see that rat? pls don’t look at my painting of you uwu’.

then there’s the whole edelgard c support in japanese where byleth makes reference to having come to her room for ‘yobi’ which is

there’s also the scene where byleth can make an unsolicited comment about edelgard’s breast size. which is… uhh… gross.

edelgard also has cipher cards that go from slightly fanserviceie to full on suggestive

and also her breast armor that my sister relentlessly mocked lol

and here’s a chart from the 3h subreddit about gender/sexually in regards to edelgard and edeleth. it’s extremely straight male. op might have just overlooked this since they probably don’t go on reddit and stay on tumblr (which unlike reddit is mostly female and has a high lgbt demographic).

Like the joke is that Bleagles is the Gay House, but everything about her feels deliberately non-hetero.

i don’t like where this is going…

She’s dressed in sharp outfits covering her upper body, with proportions that don’t seem exaggerated.

so women who cover up must be lgbt because straight women are naturally more revealing? oh y i k e s

Her poise and the way she effortlessly flourishes her axe exhibits an air of coolness. While titties out =/= character of no substance, Edelgard being dressed more modestly suggests that she wasn’t designed with male-centred fanservice in mind.

“titties don’t equal no substance but here’s my post on how she has more substance because she doesn’t show titties” ok

And she still looks absolutely stunning in her more modest attire (like seriously, I haven’t felt the need to return to cosplay in years but I want to do her academy look so bad). 

yes she does. amazing design 10/10. i have a feeling this is the only part i’m going to agree with

Edelgard is intense. She does not mince her words and she is constantly evaluating you. Though she tries, she has a difficult time understanding her peers initially. Early on, she talks about how she would sacrifice herself and others in the name of some greater good. She is terrible at communicating with her peers. She has to be seen as infallible. Her heart has been hardened for years and she assumes she has to stay that way. She also assumes everyone mourns the same way she does - which is why she (kind of insensitively) insists you move on when Jeralt dies. Because to her, grief has to be channeled towards action, or else you’ll get lost in it. This attitude is demonstrated time and time again as she presses on. It can make her come off as cold and unfeeling - but look closer, and she’s anything but.

don’t really have anything to say at this part. it is pretty on the nose though i would slightly disagree with that last sentence a bit. i wouldn’t say she’s as i feeling as hubert is but all of her talks of the war boil down to how she feels and never her victims.

Her story is ultimately about her realizing that to achieve her goals, she needs to let people in and allow herself to want things like cakes and tea parties and lazy days in peace. 

????? what ????? her goals include imperialism, ethnic and religious targeting. her story is about having a set of beliefs and mowing down anybody who stands in her way. that has nothing to do with tea, friends, and lazy days. also am i supposed to be sad that she has to get up everyday and work? i do that and i didn’t start a war and only throw a pity party for myself

The game leaves the player guessing as to how involved the Flame Emperor was in each Part I event, makes you feel hurt by her betrayal, and leaves you with a choice: do you follow the orders of the woman who tried to make you a god without your consent, or a young girl with questionable morals about to throw the world into upheaval?

this isn’t an ideal situation but i think i’m going to stick with the woman who tried to make me a god since i’m not selfish and i know it’s not only my desires and life at stake here. plus the green hair slaps ngl

Choosing her of your own volition (not for completionist reasons) requires the basic ability to sympathize with a woman’s pain. It also requires the player to read beyond her unwavering will and dubious methods to get a sense of how deep that pain goes and how the theme of humanity relates to her differently in each route.

i’m not going to touch this since @nilsh13 made a post on it that i’ll link here. i agree with everything he said so to repeat it would be redundant.

The player must be able to see a young woman’s desperate resolve to change the world so it stops exploiting people and ruining lives. They must be able to accept the fact that women can make the same morally wrong and ambivalent decisions that complicated male characters get to make all the time and still be the one to root for.

literally the same reason i love rhea lol her goddess experiments are dubious at best but her reasons are the same you mentioned. i would say that i like this quality in edelgard too if her ending, while bloody, actually ended in a good outcome for fodlan.

This is not unique to LGBT+ people, but this population is likely to understand why Edelgard feels so strongly about why she has to change the system. 

i understand wanting to change a system, i really do. like edelgard, i’m an opinionated bisexual woman (who’s also physically disabled) so yeah i get it. and change can be good but it can also be terrible. even if the church was the boogeyman edelgard treats it as she still replaces it with her own shit regime. so it’s the same circus just with a new conductor.

I don’t think “Edelgard gets undue criticism because she’s a woman” captures the full picture. An important aspect of her treatment by certain parts of the fandom is that she’s a radical woman.

or maybe she does some pretty fucked up shit and it goes unacknowledged in her own route. and yeah she’s radical but in all the worst ways.

Her hatred of the Church and the Crest system resonates way harder with people who have been hurt by institutions that are deeply engrained in our society. 

and what about people who have been hurt by systems where their ‘merit’ didn’t measure up and they were left behind? what about people from nations that experienced imperialism?

Siding with her means siding against the Church - which, while different from real world religious institutions, still invokes language about “sin” and “punishment.

yeah the ‘sins’ and ‘punishments’ are used in relation to attempted murders which i think everybody can agree is a bad thing that needs to be condemned.

Choosing Edelgard will likely hit different if homophobic and transphobic Christians used that rhetoric against you.

it has literally nothing to do with ‘sins’ and ‘punishments’ in regards to being gay or trans. that’s you projecting. especially since the church has 2 canon gay characters and two coded ones.

like i can understand why having a church condemn you can be uncomfortable but i’m begging you to please look at the context of what’s happening.

I’m willing to go out on a limb and say that the reason F/F Edeleth is the more popular iteration of that ship because most people who would choose to S-support Edelgard are LGBT+ themselves. This is not a revelation. To anyone in the community, it’s fairly obvious. 

i was talking to nilish and he said

so yeah… while there is definitely sapphic femleth shippers out there, there’s still a whole lot of weird fetishizing going on from straight men about edelgard.

Crimson Flower was my first route. I went into the game knowing absolutely nothing. I played it during the last week of 2020 and hoo boy was it cathartic. 

i can tell. this wasn’t supposed to be a dig but it came out that way and i’m not taking it out.

I felt like I was living out a gay revolution power fantasy, where I could truly change systems of oppression while fighting alongside a group of troubled students I’d shaped the lives of.

so a gay revolution power fantasy (cringe) goes hand in hand with imperialism and installing a dictatorship? also the war had nothing to do with sexuality.

Through your unwavering support, Edelgard learns that she needs to be human, that she must listen to her friends, and that she’s allowed to enjoy the world she’s creating.

edelgard gets to learn how to be human all while hunting those who don’t. and she doesn’t listen fo her friends. she doesn’t even trust them. she’s willing to talk to byleth but keep the people who’s been by her side for five years in the dark about everything. and yeah she gets to enjoy her new words since she’s on top. hate to be a commoner under her rule after she burned down my village in her war.

I love this character so much.

clearly. and i honestly don’t care if somebody likes her. i do as well even if my sometimes scathing words can make it seem otherwise.

It has been six months since I first played and I am still analyzing her,

me too. please help me escape i’m losing my mind

because there’s so much depth. Yet so many people fail to see that depth and dismiss her as evil,

i mean, she does some fucked up shit that goes beyond any of the less than desirable actions of the other main characters and does an extremely poor job in trying to make herself seem innocent. i personally don’t think she’s pure evil but i completely understand where the people who say she is are coming from.

because they never had the will to understand complicated women in the first place. 

that’s big talk from somebody who implies that a gay pope is comparable to homophobic and transphobic irl religions and that leads an oppressive regime all because she uses the vague terms of sin and punishments that you have to gay power fantasy your way out of

[eueden]

 ⟨ MAUDE APATOW. CIS FEMALE. SHE/HER. ⟩ though the mist might prevent some from seeing it, EDEN KOPPELMAN is actually a descendent of H E S T I A. it’s still a question of whether or not the TWENTY-THREE year old VETERINARY from CAPE TOWN, SOUTH AFRICA has taken after their godly parent completely, but the demigod is still known to be quite THOUGHTFUL & QUIXOTIC.

hi, hello, allô, hola, ciao, ella here again with another character. okay so there’s not much to say about me that most of you don’t already know, i have no life and i’m always lurking even if i never do replies (don’t tell the admins) hgsghssghs anyway, this is eden and in a shocking turn of events i actually have a good idea of who she is and look i even made a graphic, if that’s ain’t dedication then i don’t what it is.

basic information.

NAME: eden atara koppelman

PRONUNCIATION: EE - d uh n

NICKNAME: E?? idk

GENDER: cis female

PLACE OF BIRTH: brisbane, queensland, australia

HOMETOWN: cape town, south africa

DATE OF BIRTH: june 26, 1997

AGE: twenty-three

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: heterosexual so far but secretly curious

MAJOR: veterinary

EXTRACURRICULARS: president of the jewish student association, vice president of the herpetology club, president of the volunteer service, women in leadership member, student government member

SPORTS: captain of the climbing team and co-captain of the track & field team

character inspo.

Jessica Day (New Girl) ✖ ✖ ✖ ✖

Elliott Reid (Scrubs) ✖ ✖ ✖ ✖ ✖ ✖

Amy Santiago (Brooklyn 99) ✖ ✖ ✖ ✖

background.

tw: death, infant death, car accident, fire

Eden was born in Brisbane, Australia. She comes from an animal lover family. Her grandparents are very popular down under because they had an animal TV show à la Steve Irwin. Her dad followed their footsteps and it’s a well-known zoologist who also had some TV shows (think of Bear Grylls).

TW: death, infant death, car accident. Matthias Koppelman (her dad) had been previously married but lost his wife and child in a car accident and after that he isolated himself from the public eye and moved to Namibia. 

At twenty-eight, he felt the need to climb Mount Everest as one does, ya know? But ofc this man hadn’t climbed in years (he had experience but he’d been too sad to climb mountains. I mean he could barely leave bed, let alone climb Everest). That didn’t stop him and he did.

He almost d worded there bc as I said he was not ready but that’s when Hestia queen of fire showed up and warmed him (in a non sexual way bc she’s pure okay) and he was like oh that was a near dead experience and didn’t think much.

After he conquered the Everest with the help of Hestia, he moved back to Australia and oh surprise a few months later he opened his door and voilá a bebé was there with a note that said “you deserve to have a family, love hestia” 

He was shocked like “did i just impregnate a fantasy?”  but then Hestia was kind enough to send another and explain everything.

Anyway, Eden lived in Brisbane for four years before her dad took a job in South Africa. They moved to Cape Town (and her grandparents came with them) and pretty much had a happy life surrounded by animals. 

TW: fire. When she was nine, her dad took her to a game reserve in Limpopo and by some reason a fire started endangering animals and flora. Everyone was panicking bc I mean wouldn’t u? But Eden was attracted to the flames like a pyro (the good kind tho) and since everyone had better things to do than taking care of a child, they left her unsupervised and she delved into the fire.

Ofc nothing happened to her because ✨immunity✨ but guess who showed up again? Hestia!!!! Being a great goddess and mom, she taught Eden how to use her powers so she could absorb the fire and save all the animals and people. 

Everyone was like holy shit a miracle and the firefighters were like “the fuck? we did shit but we gonna take the credit lol”

Eden was like “did that just happen?” and yes, it did but she was like “meh that was imagination” and her dad was like *nervous chuckle* “yeah…” because he didn’t want to tell her the truth since that could put her in danger.

At 13, she had her bat mitzvah and it was all fun and games until fire lady showed up aka Hestia. Her dad and Hestia explained everything and Eden was like: 

Hestia claimed her and off to camp she went. For the next few years she went to camps all over the world as a treat.

She never went on a quest bc she was afraid and also because she couldn’t put herself in danger and risk losing her life bc her dad already had lost a child… so yeah

Her dad remarried when she was seventeen and a year later she welcomed a new baby brother and that’s why she decided to take a gap year to be with her bro and also work with her dad in the reserves.

She moved to Athens when she was nineteen and decided to go into veterinary school. So yes Ella will get her dog one way or another idc what the admins say :chaos:

Ahhhh that’s all folks!!! We did it!

FULL BIO (yes, i completed it this time)

personality.

Eden never loses her sense of curiosity. You could say that she sees life through rose colored glasses as if she lived on the edge of a mirror country where worldly objects come to life, where flora and fauna assume almost human qualities.  

She has the ability to see the good in almost anyone or anything and tends to sympathize with even the most unfriendly person. She often hides the extreme depth of feelings from her, even from herself, until circumstances elicit a passionate response. 

She has a deep sense of idealism that comes from a strong personal sense of right and wrong. She sees the world as a place full of possibilities and potentials and is governed by her intuition. She is quite reserved and is not easily manipulated. 

She is a good listener and considerate, they try to care for and understand others in a deep way. She can be very calm and intuitive with the people around her, being able to search for hidden meanings in the actions and words of others.

Of course, all of life is not rosy and Eden is not exempt from suffering the same disappointments and frustrations that are common to others. She tends to be a perfectionist and often strives for personal ideals that can be exhausting or very difficult to obtain.

She also struggles with time management, always leaving everything to the last minute claiming she “works better under pressure” but the truth is she’s just a procrastinator. 

Very sensible, she cries almost every day either because of a commercial or a sweet story she read on Facebook. It doesn’t matter, if it’s slightly emotional she will shed some tears.

powers.

pyrokinesis: This power first manifested when she was nine years old and she helped to save an animal reserve from the flames with the help of Hestia. Since she was claimed when she was thirteen, she’s learned how to use this power. Now she can summon fire without any problem and put it out just as fast. This is very helpful because she loves baking but she’s a bit clumsy so she often burns herself, but thankfully, she’s immune, so no pain. However, Eden has never been able to create a hot wall of flames nor she has ever asked how to do that, she just hopes she never has to use it.

serenity inducement: Eden avoids conflict at all cost, not only it makes her cry but also makes her very uncomfortable and anxious which is why this was the first power she manifested. She was just a child but from what she remembers it was during a class in preschool that a kid started hitting another one. Eden panicked at such an act of violence she went there and touched the bully’s shoulder which immediately calmed him. Back then she didn’t know it was a power but after finding out about her true identity, many other events like this started to make sense. This is the power she uses the most, also with animals which is why she makes such a good veterinarian because she can calm an animal's nerves.

bond manipulation: She wouldn’t say this is one of her weakest powers but it’s one she didn’t use often growing up because she came from such a stable family that it didn’t seem necessary, however, she sometimes catches herself using it in group projects or at her workplace, you know, to keep things healthy and positive.

ability to summon food: By far the one she uses the least (personally speaking), she likes cooking and baking, so she doesn’t see the point but she does use it to feed stray animals.

headcanons.

Eden speaks fluent English, she has a mixed South African and Australian accent but she can switch. At school, half of her classes were in Afrikaans, so she also speaks it fluently. Greek comes from her demigod side, but she also took some classes back in school upon her father’s request. Growing up in a very Jewish family, her grandparents believed it was pretty important that Eden learned Yiddish and Hebrew, she can read it perfectly but struggles speaking it, especially Yiddish because she also attended Hebrew school. As for French, she learned in high school and she still takes lessons at Eonia but she hates it.

Her father started taking her to a climbing gym when she was five and by the time she was ten she was already climbing 6a routes which is pretty much an intermediate level and very impressive for her age. 

She had her own TV show on Discover Kids titled “Eden’s Wildlife Adventure” in which she explained the importance of different types of animals. The first seasons were shot between Australia and South Africa, but in later seasons she traveled across Africa and South America. The show ran from 2005-2011 (which was when she was claimed).

Dreams of climbing Mount Everest before her 30th birthday.

Her father is a classic rock band and so is she. Her animals have been named after influential musicians. Right now she has a cat named Hendrix, a horse named Cobain, a dog named Mick. Growing up her father took care of a baby lion which they named Little Richard because he was smaller than most lion cubs. Over the years, his father and grandparents have fostered several wild animals while they recover or before they are sent to a reserve. Among the animals they have fostered are elephants, giraffes, zebras, cheetahs, leopards, hippos and more.

While she loves rock, she’s also a sucker for 2000s pop. Please don’t ask her about modern artists because she’s clueless. 

She’s fed up with the Mean Girl jokes, we get it she grew up in Africa and she’s white.

She is a proud Jewish girl and follows many traditions. She does attend the local synagogue during Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah. And of course, Hanukkah is her favorite holiday. Her family practices Reform Judaism, so she doesn’t follow a kosher diet.

Eden was raised as a vegan and her whole family is vegan. In the past years, she has been in the process of becoming vegetarian.

Favorites: Anything written by Agatha Christie(book); Say Anything (1989) (movie); Everybody Wants to Rule the World by Tears for Fear (song); 

Again, no one asked me but I will reply: “Ella, does Eden hate Iker?” “Well, thanks for asking. In a shocking turn of events, no she doesn’t. How come you might ask? Well, she doesn’t hate anyone but if she ever did then yes, she would hate him.”

pinterest | wanted connections

[normal-thoughts-official]

My headcanon has always been that Alec figured out he was gay very early in life (I've ALWAYS been/I ALWAYS knew/I ALWAYS dreamed) which is... interesting bc visibility and representation must have been a huge issue when he was growing up. This sort of reinforces my interpretation that Alec has always been very in touch with his feelings and very honest about them (he only chose to hide/not act on them). Which is I think what Magnus figured about him from the very beginning ->

-> (it's rare to find a shadowhunter with such an open heart). Which is also funny and sort of on point bc Alec's siblings were widely mistaken about Alec's issues. It also explains why Alec doesn't have any major hang-ups about relationships or expressing his feelings, something a lot of viewers took an issue with (like why is Alec not emotionally stunted or things like that). That said, I keep thinking about Magnus and how he was exploring his sexuality. I mean imagine Magnus talking to his father. Magnus: I feel like I'm into both men and women 🤔 Asmodeus: Great! The amount of people you can seduce and murder has increased exponentially 👀 I mean, poor Magnus 💀

i feel bad for laughing at the asmodeus part but ur so correct hdbdudbdidndidndidndidn

and u know i agree with u 100% on the Alec stuff, this is a hill I'm willing to die on, Alec knew that he was gay since forever, he wasn't lying to himself, he just chose to keep it to himself. he made that very clear every time he talked about it too, i always KNEW i couldn't get what i wanted, I've ALWAYS dreamt, like you said. key words always, knew, and wanted. he was extremely aware throughout the whole process and i can't see it any other way. Alec is terrible at lying and that includes to himself, hes painfully logical and aware and hes been trained to pay attention to his own body/reactions/thoughts and approach them logically and dissecate them from the very beginning. theres no way he was oblivious to his own feelings, or else his lies in s1 wouldnt be so clearly bad.

Alec is, for better or for worse, painfully self aware and that's something i identify with, possibly the part of him i relate to the most. he's struggling because he know it's not safe to come out and he's decided that he wont, so he doesn't, to anyone. but he knows exactly how he feels and that that's his choice. then, when he meets Magnus, he's confused, not because he wasn't ready to face that he liked men (he knew that pretty damn well) but because he was questioning whether he really wanted to go through with his "closeted for eternity" plan. and there was the whole marriage thing. but he wasn't confused about what he wanted, not for a second. he was confused about what he was going to do, and how honest he could be to Magnus about it.

and like you said that's why their transition into a relationship goes relatively smoothly. if Alec were in denial, it would be a lot harder for him to go from that to the Alec we see later on, who is very emotionally available and open with Magnus, who loves him openly and unashamedly, who threatens Maryse to make her respect him and their relationship, who bursts into Magnus' house like "hello lets have sex". Alec can fit into a relationship with so much emotional honesty because he's always been emotionally honest. he just chose not to tell people about it because he was in a place where that wasnt safe

as for Magnus! I hc that his sexual discovery went like, relatively smoothly. I mean he was raised in a recently-colonized Indonesia, which. okay had europeans out there trying to ruin things, but was very open and accepting of both gender and sexuality, and didn't have a binary view of either. and asmodeus wouldnt care because like you can't tell me that demons and angels give a shit about gender, even if by some odd reason they did have a gender system that's exactly like the modern western european mundane one. so i think that growing up, Magnus didn't have a lot of issues with his sexual & gender identity. It wasnt like "figuring out" and "coming out", more like it slowly became clear and he was like "okay". not a lot of denial involved.

I've talked about this here (sexuality) and here (gender) and there i put more sources and everything so I'm... gonna leave that here rjdndjdnfk but i think Magnus' self discovery wasnt the problem, the problem was the shock of getting to England after the Asmodeus Yeet and seeing how different things were.

i mean, he was no stranger to queerphobia (he had a dutch stepfather after all) but when he was a kid, the dutch didnt really manage to colonize Java and interfere with their customs because the javanese empires were stronger, so they were mostly settling by going there to trade, same as always. so Magnus didn't really have to live in a time where people had to hide who they were

and then he comes back from Edom and it's like. you will literally be executed for this. what in the fuck. people meet in like secret underground clubs, terrified of making every mood. some dont even do that and suffer alone. no one thinks this is weird. people act like its always been this way. what the fuck

and hes struggling because after he banished asmodeus he thought he could finally be himself, you know? escape the need to like get his approval and the fear of angering him, get away from his gross, manipulative claws - you get it. he thought he could breathe and be out in the open and live his own life, but he can't, because so many parts of who he is - his culture, his origins, his gender, his sexuality, the color of his skin, his heritage, his powers - are being constantly repressed by the meat grinding machine of early capitalism and colonialism, and it's like, wow.

so Magnus never really lied to himself, either, but he did learn how to hide, and do it well. he doesn't have a lot of internalized queerphobia in the sense that he thinks it's bad that he's trans and bi, but one of the most prominent results of queerphobia in his life (aggravated by a thousand other things) is that hes gotten used to bottling things up and compartmentalizing himself and his identity. hes learnt to be what ppl expect him to be, and to show them only what hes safe to. its instinctive for him, to hide certain parts of himself, be it his immortality, his queerness, or his pain. and it's one of the reasons he struggles so much to be fully open and honest with Alec about how he feels. it's why it's so instinctive for him to stop everything and hide because his glamour went down. he knows that Alec knows about it, but he's used to hiding the parts of himself that people dont want to see

and that's without throwing Camille and her abuse into the mix (which i talked more about in the aforementioned links. like not to self promote but i am pretty proud of those asks so you know) and of course Asmodeus himself, and how they also taught magnus to hide his weaknesses, not be honest, "stop whining", cut off his own feelings and thoughts to please them. again i talked about this in the links. okay ill stop idndidn

in short, Magnus never really struggled to come to terms with his identity, but he learnt quickly that he isn't palatable, and he never will be - not to his mom (even if again i dont think she killed herself because of him, but Magnus believes it), not to his stepfather, not to his father, not to mundanes, not to the white european queer community, not to anyone. so he knows that, to survive, he needs to be able to bottle things up, and even if the people he loves work hard to convince him every day that this isnt the case (Catarina, Raphael, Ragnor, Dot, Alec) old habits die hard

[countessogilvy]

People in this fandom love to reach for the tiniest things 🙄 someone basically said pb’s sending a bad message by having mc choose to become a nanny despite having a masters in chemistry

Yikes, there is a lot to unpack from this statement. Let’s start with the easier part. I will refer to MC by her default name, Anna.

Any recent college graduate in the US of A can tell you that it is NOT easy to get an internship that is relevant to your academic field, let alone a JOB. Anna has a Master’s degree in Chemistry, which is a non-medical science degree. In the 2nd chapter, she mentions that she is only using the nanny job to keep her afloat while she finds employment that is relevant to her field of study. Getting a job in non-medical science is difficult because these jobs are either scarce OR because entry-level positions require 5+ years of experience, which Anna does not seem to have. I can relate to this dilemma heavily: I have a Bachelor’s degree in Women’s, Gender & Sexuality Studies but I ended up getting a job as a bookkeeper right after graduation; fast-forward 6 years later and I’m a project accountant now. I didn’t plan for it, it just so happened to be that way because my bills and school loans were not going to wait for me to get a job related to WGST and I ended up making more money that I thought I would. If a position that allowed me to use my degree to the fullest AND kept me comfortable salary-wise were to drop on my lap, I would not hesitate to take it. So I wouldn’t necessarily say that MC chose to be a nanny on a whim, but circumstances brought her to that decision. Why? Nannies can make really good money, especially if they are highly educated, such as Anna. And as a nanny, she has the opportunity to use her existing knowledge in her role (as we saw in chapter 2).

Now I am not surprised someone would say that there is a bad message being sent because a woman chose to be a nanny. First of all, that alone shows how much people undervalue emotional labor, housework and childcare, which is something that is primarily viewed as the responsibility of women, a gendered role if you will. And because society views it as a feminine job, it becomes an excuse to pay workers less and offer them less protections within the law. While Anna would be considered a “high-end” nanny, the reality is that nannies (in the USA) are mostly immigrant, non-college educated women of color, as is the majority of domestic workers in this country. Domestic work is underpaid and u because it is a vulnerable population of mostly immigrants relying on this employment to keep their legal status, it is work that is usually accompanied by abuse and exploitation. Women in the USA perform most of the housework for $0.00 and that includes both emotional and manual labor. Women in the USA do not have guaranteed maternity leave with pay on a federal level. The value of women’s work in this country is worth in the trillions of dollars, yet men cry when they have to pay some child support.

So when someone is saying that there is a bad message in making a highly educated woman a nanny, what they are really saying is that domestic work is not valuable. And if that person claims to be a feminist: they aren’t.

[queerchoicesblog]

As far as I knew it was 3 stories with u choosing ur race: Eternal City, EoE and X files

Hey there! Yeah, I was in a bit of a hurry when I answered so longer note to correct the previous Nonny. So, let's have a look at Storyscape books:

- Titanic: Lebanese MC who's also a suffragette

- Life 2.0: you can choose your own race

- Eternal City: you can choose your own race

- X-Files: not sure about it as I played it long ago but I think you play as 2 detectives, male and female?

- Edge of Extinction: I think you can choose only your gender here? But as far as I see the MCs allowed a bit of customisation via name and story/profession

- Ageless: since it'll never see the light of day, we cannot say if choose your race was an option but certainly gender was an option, even non-binary which is not so common in games.

Also, can I just add that lgbtq+ romances were finely written (for once they sounded real and not a lazy copy and paste) and the majority of LIs were poc? Take Matteo (Titanic), so that I don't speak of gays only: he's one of the most successful LIs as far as I can tell. In the last book, they had a balanced 1:1 ratio and the only male LI was black.

I don't remember anything like that in Choices but it might be me, a lgbtq player who grew distant long ago. Maybe the latest books did wonders and I'm oblivious!

Yes, in Choices you can choose your race and if it's what you look for as "representation", that's fine. Mind you, I'm NOT saying that choosing your race is not important: IT IS, it freaking is! But, to me representation is more than that. Obviously Storyscape had room for improvement but it seemed to be more open to discuss and add issues; on top of that, they were just starting their adventure as a worldwide app. But I think it's curious how months ago the fandom was blaming PB for disrespecting woc, relying on the black mean girl antagonist/stereotype (Scarlett, Ellen, to some extent even the OH women like Aurora and Harper) and prioritizing white (male) LIs (does anyone even remember Grant in VoS?) not to mention blatantly not giving a damn about wlw players and now it's all good with representation.

Choices has tons of books but how many of them have a poc or a female LIs on its cover? Even in books where you can choose the race of your LI only the white ones get the cover, correct me if I'm wrong. Who are the most popular LIs? Are the paywalls removed from wlw romances? No more things like 3:1 LI ratio?

Speaking of representation, lgbtq players deserve better than crumbles, don't you think? I still remember when they allowed you to choose your MC sexuality only to force male lis over and over again. Or when they let you choose the gender of your lis for reasons unknown, apparently. Or when they clearly copied and pasted the text for steamy scenes directly from the straight options leaving us confused, disappointed and sometimes even pissed when ooops they forgot to change the pronouns/adjectives so out of the blue you were "moving your hand between HIS legs" or "kissing HIS lips". It happened more than once. Do I also need to add the difference of "screen time" between straight and wlw love scenes or even just "time spent with your li"? Personally, I had a different and better experience with Storyscape and I'm not even getting to the quality of writing.

Now, I respect everyone's opinion and I hope others will do the same. Also, I have no interest in starting a fight especially in a fandom like this. I'm not angry, the reasons I stated above are merely what made me grow distant from Choices to the point I haven't logged in in months. If you still like it and feel okay with how they address those issues, you're totally entitled to enjoy it and - it goes without saying- you don't need my blessing. I know of many people who got sick and tired of Choices after their lack of interest in, for instance, lgbtq+ issues because it's a straight-driven app just like many others. I'm one of them, even if I will probably try the new books. My hopes are at their lowest but I will give them a try, maybe.

I'm just sad an app that had so much potential and treated us better is shutting down. That's all 🤷🏼‍♀️

[sunlitjardin]

🌎 - Does your muse want to change the world? How would they go about it? 🎭 - How does your muse handle their emotions? Do they bottle them up or pour them out as soon as they start to feel? 💋 - How does your muse feel about people who cheat? Do they see a reason for it, or is it completely immoral?

🌎 - Does your muse want to change the world? How would they go about it?

I’d say he does. I think he’d want to change a lot of things (in his timeline I mean)--first, the most obvious, would be class differences. This is something that has personally affected him. The idea that a noble and a commoner couldn’t get married, for example, was such a ludicrous idea to him. He firmly believes that love should have no boundaries--no matter ur gender, sexuality, race, class, etc; you should be with the one you love. of course, class differences has other major, negative impacts. Like poverty, corrupt justice system, abuse of power, etc. I head-cannon that his mother died from over working and poverty--so i think this is something he’d be passionate about. 

Another thing that bothers him is sexism. Even if Oscar has a more privileged life compared to others and has accomplished so much--he can still see that she has to work 10x harder than other men in her position. Like, she has to prove herself because of her gender. Which is upsetting for him to watch because he knows what she’s capable of and yet, there are many who don’t respect her simply for her gender. And it’s not just Oscar--even her sisters; they were married off at such young ages, never given the chance to make their own decision really. There are many other things but...it saddens him to see that the only reason Oscar was given so much more freedom compared to other women, was for the sole fact that her father wanted a son, and only gave her the opportunities she had for that reason alone. If she had a brother, then she’d be married off instead. He just wished that women were given the same opportunities as men. 

And this is something he’d thing about sometimes because he still struggles with his own identity sometimes--but homophobia. He was raised in a religious environment and never understood why people were so...opposed to homosexuality (and other lgbt identities). Not just in religious spaces but in general as well. It’s made it especially hard to explore his sexuality/identity(he’s bisexual btw)--and even harder to find safe spaces or others like him. This has resulted in a lot of anxiety, self doubt and hatred, etc. Although, there are rumours about people practicing homosexuality in Versailles--but he isn’t sure if it’s even true and to boot, he’s a commoner so it would never be a space for him to mingle or make friends.:-/ (not to mention it’s just...all hidden and he wishes it could be more open rather than everything having to be kept in secrecy).

There’s other stuff too but that’s the main ones and also i’m getting rambly.xD

But as to how he’d change the world? Hard to say. There’s only so much a single person can do--especially with no form of power or authority. However, he tries to at least educate himself on the matters at hand (like attending meetings or listen to others etc), supporting those he can and sometimes actively participating in ways he can help change things. (like when he joined the revolution later on in the series for example)

🎭 - How does your muse handle their emotions? Do they bottle them up or pour them out as soon as they start to feel?

He tends to bottle up his feelings. He often gets anxious with the thought of opening up, not wanting to “burden” others. And trust me, he can bottle things up for a LONG time. He has a hard time asking for help when he needs it, and tries to do things on his own. He’ll smile and tell jokes and stuff, trying to never appear gloomy or stressed in front of others. The longer he does this though, the harder it is for him to keep it together.

He also tries to never cry in front of others. So if he feels like his emotions can’t be bottled up anymore and is going to cry/have a panic attack/etc, he’ll try to find a place where he can be alone to calm down. (and makes it so that people aren’t suspicious either) And sometimes, if it gets really bad, he can get nightmares or rely on self harm.:-( He tries not to hurt himself often but sometimes he can’t help it. He’ll either hit or cut himself. He isn’t the type to be too self destructive--like going to a bar, getting drunk and getting into fight for example. But it has happened on very very rare occasions.

And on the very rare occasions that he does open up, it’ll be because he’s sort of caught in the middle of crying or something. Or it’s just too much to keep in and he explodes due to an external/outside stress. Like maybe he gets yelled at for something and then just explodes with an overwhelming amount of emotions. Or maybe he’ll be thinking about something and it just comes out in bits and pieces. 

💋 - How does your muse feel about people who cheat? Do they see a reason for it, or is it completely immoral?

It depends for him. As mentioned before, there are a lot of women (and men!) who get married off at young ages. Sometimes, yes, feelings of love can be mutual at the time or grow over time--but that’s obviously not always the case. 

Like, for Marie Antoinette, he knows she cares about Louis very much--but more as a close friend than a husband. She was never given the opportunity to fall in love and marry on her own terms--and when she fell in love with Fersen, he didn’t judge her for that. He knew that she was in a position in which she could not leave the marriage even if she wanted to. (as, if she tried to runaway, she’d be labeled as a traitor and hunted for, for example) And unfortunately, this was the case for many people. 

However, he does find it....disrespectful and disgusting if someone were to cheat and were in position where they could leave but decided to stay for other reasons like wanting to keep the property, money, etc. Especially if the other person in the marriage were to love and trust their spouse while the other were to cheat with someone else, betraying the other persons trust. I low key headcanon that Andre’s mother was cheated on and then abandoned to be with another woman/new family, while taking everything with him. It was something his mother didn’t see coming at all, as she still loved him and felt like the relationship was still going okay (a bit strained but not too bad). He never once talked to her about anything, and just left her to fend for herself out of the blue--and that’s something that bothers Andre a lot. He has a hard time communicating his feelings himself--but he’d never ever do that to someone. To just betray someones trust like that and leave without warning is just...something very unforgivable to him.:-( And of course, there are other scenarios too that he’d find unforgivable or sometimes even understandable--but i think u get the gist of it now.xD

[esquissers]

                                  ◟ believe   it   or   not   ,   i   am   indeed   a   mess   &   unfortunately   ,   you   are   being   introduce   to   me   sFKSDFJ   .   in   all   seriousness   ,   i'm   cc   ,   nineteen   from   the   cst   tz   with   she   /   her   preferred   pronouns   .   this   is   a   new   muse   that   i've   pulled   a   little   bit   of   inspo   from   other   muses   ,   but   i'm   trying   :)   something   :)   (   not   )   new   !   pip   is   a   cute   lil   nickname   but   she's   ...   not   cool   ,   to   say   the   least   .   pls   LIKE   this   if   you'd   like   to   plot   &   i'll   come   to   you   ,   or   ,   lmk   if   you   prefer   plotting   on   d*scord   !

                                           stats  /  wanted  connections  /  pinterest

━━ (   jung   jinsoul   +   cis   female   +   twenty-one   )   oi   ,   have   you   seen   philippa   ‘pip’   bae   around   ?   she   lives   in   flat   17   in   bedroom   4   ?   i   was   meant   to   meet   them   this   morning   at   bean   me   up   before   our   lecture   but   she   didn’t   show   .   no   ?   well   ,   shit   .   if   you   do   see   them   ,   can   you   tell   them   i’m   looking   for   them   ?   they’re   a   3rd   year   architecture   student   from   nafplio   ,   greece   &   you’ll   know   it’s   them   because   they   might   just   remind   you   of   gold   framed   glasses   left   in   the   library   ,   playing   the   sims   on   your   laptop   during   lectures   ,   a   wall   full   of   half-finished   pencil   sketches   ,   lemon   water   ,   climbing   onto   rooftops   &   the   dream   of   building   something   better   if   that   helps   at   all.just   be   careful   ,   she   can   be   a   little   machiavellan   ,   hubristic   &   arriviste   sometimes   .   —-   oh   don’t   look   like   that   ,   they’re   usually   erudite   ,   habile   &   tactical   most   of   the   time   .

𝓲.     𝕒𝕓𝕣𝕚𝕕𝕘𝕖𝕞𝕖𝕟𝕥   .

full   name   :   philippa  bae  /  bae  soo  ah  nickname(s) :   pip  ,  suah  ,  pippa age   :  twenty  -  one gender   /   pronouns  :  cis  gendered   female   /   she  /  her  /  hers sexuality   :  bisexual  /  biromantic hometown   : nafplio   ,   greece major   :   architecture inspo  :  annabeth  chase  ,  regina  george  ,  macey  mchenry faceclaim :  jung  jinsoul

fun facts : doesn’t   talk   about   her   dad   but   will   mention   every   chance   she   gets   that   he’s   ex   mi6   ,   can   speak   almost   six   languages   but   doesn’t   speak   any   of   them   ...   u   know   ?   ,   major   abandonment   issues   &   for   what   ,   can   whistle   for   hours   without   stopping   ,   carries   around   multiple   sketchbooks   on   her  person   at   all  times   ,   is   mean  :(   takes   out   unresolved   anger   on   everyone  around   her  ,   got   kicked   out   of   the   library   her   first   year   for   starting   a   fight   with   a   librarian   ,   loud   opinions   ;   mean   words   ,   is   really   good   at   drawing   /   painting   but   only   Sketches   because   painting   is   reserved   for   ‘   pure   inspiration   ’   ,   should   be   an   art   major  but   doesn’t   think   she   needs   a   degree  in   drawing

aesthetic :  drowning   just   below   the   surface   of   an   ice   cold   river   ,   being   unable   to   hear   the   birds   chirping   in   the   morning   due   to   the   irrevocable   anger   ,   breaking   pencils   because   you’re   pressing   down   too   hard   ,   wind   so   cold   it   feels   like   it’s   cutting   into   skin   ,   a   lone   glacier   wandering   the   abandoned   waters   ,   a   forgotten   lighthouse   in   the   wreckage   of   ships   it   failed   to   protect   &   friends   are   family   despite   the   way   you   treat   them   .

𝓲𝓲.     𝕔𝕙𝕣𝕠𝕟𝕚𝕔𝕝𝕖   .

mom   doesn’t   get   much   of   an   explanation   ,   why   her   lover   swerves   in   &   out   of   her   life   so   jarringly   .   instead   ,   she’s   given   a   child   ,   someone   that   looks   a   lot   like   the   suave   man   who   visits   every   few   months   from   business   &   tells   her   that   she   loves   her   .   he’s   the   first   one   to   call   philippa   ‘   pip   ’   &   it   only   sticks   because   she   lets   it   ,   even   if   she   hates   the   name   almost   as   much   as   she   hates   him   .

pip   loves   her   dad   ,   maybe   a   bit   more   than   the   upset   mom   who   always   watches   over   her   &   ruins   her   fun   .   dad   ,   he   teaches   her   different   languages   &   how   to   find   a   killer   on   the   big   ,   intricate   maps   he   brings   homes   .   he’s   the   one   to   gift   her   a   sketchbook   &   a   box   of   special   pencils   ,   the   one   to   encourage   her   to   build   a   world   made   of   lead   &   her   imagination   .

he   doesn’t   stay   for   too   long   ever   ,   but   he   always   returns   &   she   always   waits   for   him   dutifully   .   mom   knows   now   ,   but   she   won’t   tell   pip   anything   .   all   she   does   is   make   sure   pip   knows   how   to   fight   dirty   &   how   to   make   sure   her   underhand   stings   .   ‘   women   fight   differently   ,   soo   ah   ,   ’   she   tells   pip   .   ‘   your   dad   –   you’re   different   from   him   .   you   have   to   learn   things   differently   .   ’

there’s   only   so   much   mom   can   put   up   with   .   pip   wakes   up   one   day   to   find   a   note   from   her   mom   (   written   in   korean   ,   the   one   language   she   struggles   with   learning   despite   her   ancestry   )   that   reads   that   she’s   gone   .   she’s   done   &   that   her   dad   brings   too   much   into   her   life   that   she   can’t   deal   with   .   he’s   not   the   man   she   thought   she   loved   ;   &   apparently   ,   neither   was   pip   .   she   wasn’t   enough   for   her   mom   .

pip   learns   quickly   she’s   not   enough   for   her   dad   ,   either   .   thirteen   years   old   ,   multi-lingual   &   left   in   the   world   on   her   own   .   dad   sends   money   &   he   sends   letters   ,   mostly   though   ,   he   sends   empty   promises   .   ‘   i   promise   you’ll   understand   one   day   .   i   promise   i’ll   explain   .   i   promise   i   love   you   .   ’   but   he   doesn’t   show   up   &   he   doesn’t   come   to   collect   .   he   sends   her   a   passport   &   tells   her   to   live   the   way   she   wants   .

online   ,   she   finds   a   good   enough   school   that’ll   get   her   where   she   wants   to   go   in   the   future   .   she   completes   courses   while   running   from   a   past   she   doesn’t   know   anything   about   .   strangers   ask   her   where   her   parents   are   ,   she   learns   how   to   lie   .   men   ask   her   how   old   she   is   ,   she   learns   how   to   con   them   into   working   for   her   .   women   ask   her   why   she   isn’t   love   ,   she   learns   how   to   wage   wars   &   win   .

seventeen   ,   pip   has   spent   time   all   around   europe   on   her   own   .   her   dad   still   sends   money   ,   but   he   doesn’t   send   letters   anymore   .   she   stopped   replying   a   while   ago   ,   but   he   still   signs   the   bank   statements   with   a   heart   .   on   her   ‘   graduation   ’   day   ,   she   gets   a   gift   in   the   mail   –   a   sketchbook   ,   a   box   of   special   pencils   &   a   letter   –   explaining   everything   .  

dad’s   a   spy   ,   he’s   dangerous   &   lethal   &   he   has   enemies   that   don’t   know   of   her   existence   .   mom   was   paranoid   &   abandoned   ,   left   to   her   own   devices   so   she   left   .   he   tells   her   everything   except   why   he   never   came   to   get   her   ,   why   his   life   was   more   important   than   hers   &   why   he   didn’t   love   her   enough   .   she   burns   the   letter   ,   along   with   her   sketch   of   him   .

she   forgets   what   he   looks   like   ,   she   forgets   what   mom   looks   like   &   she   rids   her   mind   of   them   .   eighteen   &   in   paris   ,   accepting   her   dad’s   gracious   checks   (   which   ,   shouldn’t   be   made   on   a   spy’s   salary   ,   but   she   won’t   complain   )   when   she   decides   it’s   time   to   go   back   .   one   year   wasted   ,   she’s   spent   in   paris   drinking   wine   &   bedding   lovers   .  

small   town   ,   obscure   location   &   a   good   reputation   .   larnswick   university   welcomes   her   in   with   open   arms   &   there’s   her   fresh   start   ,   even   if   her   past   will   never   get   away   from   her   .

𝓲𝓲𝓲.     𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕡𝕠𝕤𝕚𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟   .

exterior   .   she’s   ruthless   ,   a   wolf   loved   by   a   silent   god   of   war   that   watches   her   fight   battles   .   raised   by   a   silent   war   ,   she   knows   that   in   order   to   get   things   done   ,   she   has   to   make   the   first   move   .   outgoing   ,   courageous   &   always   prepared   ,   pip’s   nothing   short   of   a   monstrous   war   general   ,   comparable   to   hurricanes   that   rip   land   apart   because   it’s   in   the   way   .   blunt   ,   sharp   &   cutting   ,   she’s   no   stranger   to   fighting   dirty   &   hurting   with   words   .   any   words   can   be   used   to   describe   her   ,   except   maybe   civil   ,   or   kind   ,   or   gentle   .

interior   .   lonely   &   a   little   bit   scared   of   an   earth   that   never   wanted   her   .   when   is   it   going   to   open   up   ,   take   her   away   because   she   doesn’t   really   belong   ?   always   the   one   to   end   things   so   she   doesn’t   get   hurt   ,   she’s   never   vulnerable   because   that’ll   end   badly   .   non   committal   ,   it’s   surprising   she’s   stayed   in   this   place   for   too   long   –   she’s   spent   five   years   of   her   teenagehood   running   from   place   to   place   .   selfish   &   cunning   ,   pip   comes   first   ,   because   that’s   what   she’s   learned   to   do   to   survive   .

midway   .   talented   ,   tactical   &   intelligent   .   there’s   a   lot   of   talent   in   her   fingers   ,   the   ability   to   mimic   life   with   a   few   pencil   strokes   .   she   possesses   a   need   to   build   something   permanent   ,   something   better   than   the   life   she’s   lived   &   she   doesn’t   know   why   ,   she   doesn’t   know   if   it’ll   bring   her   joy   –   perhaps   just   buying   a   cottage   by   the   sea   will   fulfill   her   life   .   pip   is   talented   ,   gifted   by   apollo   &   cursed   by   ares   .

𝓲𝓿.     𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕔𝕝𝕦𝕤𝕚𝕠𝕟   .

                                 ◟ uwu   ,   tysm   for   reading   this   my   favorite   people   !   all   my   wc   are   on   the   page   linked   above   ,   but   if   nothing   strikes   u   we   love   brainstorming   in   this   house   !   love   u   all   &   can't   wait   to   write   /   plot   w   u   !

[gillzilla]

A Treatise on the aTROSity, Including How Hope Came to Me in the Form of The Lego Movie 2, Knives Out, and Little Women

I will start out by saying that I have never made a real, detailed post on Tumblr, mainly because social media kind of scares me. But the Reylo community's amazing kindness, strength, openness, and willingness to speak the truth in their writing over the last week and a half is honestly what has gotten me through the heartbreak and depression caused by the stabbing in the chest that was this movie. I am one of the people who loves Kylo/Ben Solo because I have mental health conditions and an abuse/trauma history within my family, which is also why the holidays are hard for me, so a big thanks to the people in charge of the story for TROS for making it even harder this year. After a week and a half of legitimate mourning for the butchering of the themes of Star Wars and of all the characters, but particularly the sequel trilogy characters, I am ready to add my two cents to all that has already been written about this movie.

First off, I have not been a Star Wars fan for my whole life. My parents tried to introduce me to the original trilogy as a kid by taking me to see A New Hope in the movie theater for the 20th anniversary screening in 1997. I fell asleep for most of it and was terrified by the trash compactor scene, so you could say the movie did not resonate with me. It actually wasn't until Phantom Menace came out that I started to get attached to Star Wars. So many older fans love to shit on that movie, and it certainly has many flaws, but a lot of us who were around the same age as Anakin when that movie came out and are now adults have started to speak up about how the movie was a gateway into Star Wars for us. Anakin gave me a window into the Star Wars universe that I could understand and relate to. I could relate to Anakin being a kind-hearted kid who wanted to help others and just wanted adults he could look up to, and I liked the podracing scenes. As with every single other sci-fi/fantasy hero's journey story that I loved as a kid, I empathized with and related to a male hero. Now, the wooden dialogue/acting/directing of Attack of the Clones and the tragic ending of Revenge of the Sith that left me so emotionally devastated that I vividly remember calling my friend to tell her I was so depressed I couldn't focus on studying for my eighth grade English final, kind of took me out of Star Wars again. There had been a spark there, but at that point I figured, eh, I guess it's not really for me after all.

I didn't rediscover Star Wars until the end of the first semester of my freshman year of college. This was a very difficult time in my life, as I was in what I would now consider to be a mental health crisis that unfortunately lasted for five years because I was too ashamed and uneducated about mental health to seek out help. I was very, very lonely during that time. It was close to finals week and I was sick, so as I sat in my dorm room I decided, why not pop in those DVDs of the original trilogy that I got at Costco last month. After watching them, I remember thinking, "Why have I not been watching these my whole life???" The original trilogy hooked me after that point and I started watching the movies every year around Christmas in commemoration of my rediscovery of them.

I was just as surprised as anyone when I found out that Disney bought Lucasfilm and that they were going to make a sequel trilogy. I had thought there would never be any more Star Wars, so I was overjoyed, though tentative, because I knew that though I loved Star Wars, it also had a tendency to make missteps that were somewhat endemic to sci-fi/fantasy hero's journey stories, such as poorly written dialogue, emphasis on ridiculous plot points that took away from the deeper overall themes, lack of diverse characters, and objectification/misogyny against female characters (I do not like watching Return of the Jedi because I hate, HATE the Jabba's palace stuff for what they did to Leia, honestly they gave Leia nothing interesting to do in that whole movie basically, but that's a whole nother essay).

So I went into The Force Awakens not really knowing what to expect. But oh my god, was I blown away. I am not lying when I say that I cried for at least an hour after the scene where Rey and Kylo are both reaching out for the legacy saber and it goes to Rey as the music swells, oh my god. I FINALLY realized what it meant to feel seen in the stories that I loved. My whole life I had been attached to and empathizing with male heroes, because they were pretty much the only heroes out there. To see Rey as this amazing female heroine who was not objectified and was a compelling character with an intriguing backstory that I related to as a child with a trauma history who often grew up feeling lonely, and to see that she was going to be the main Jedi in this new trilogy, I was overjoyed. It gave me hope. And then, on top of that, we got Adam Driver. Need I say any more. So many people have written about what an absolutely incredible actor Adam is, and I swear he is the only actor who could have pulled off the role of Kylo/Ben. The first time I saw TFA I didn't catch all the nuances of the character and his dynamic with Rey, but something about him really intrigued me (and made me want to watch everything Adam had ever been in). My love for TFA led me to start investing time in the online Star Wars fandom, which I never considered myself to be a part of previously, as the fandom had always reeked of being a "no girls allowed" type of zone. I found out about amazing, female-led podcasts that I started listening to every week and whose hosts I value just as much as my friends. I also started following the Reylo fandom on Tumblr. Learning more about the mythology behind the sequel trilogy, including how the creators were writing Rey's story as a heroine's journey and her and Kylo/Ben as dual protagonists, added so much to my understanding of what was going on in the storytelling and gave me the words to describe why I was connecting with these stories so much. I can honestly say that Star Wars and the Reylo fandom generally have been instrumental in helping me to get through the last four years, which have been a very difficult and isolating period in my life.

And now I'm up to TROS. As so many have said, the vast majority of it is a steaming pile of trash. People have done such an amazing job of breaking down why this story and how it treated its characters and retconned the beautiful story and themes that Rian gave us in TLJ was so painful for us. Many have pointed out that this movie is a result of catering to the most toxic portion of the Star Wars fandom, the "dudebros." Going further, I want to state that, whether consciously or not on the part of the cis, straight, white, male writers/director/CEO of Disney, this movie is a reassertion of masculinist ideologies. I want to clarify that when I talk about "masculinist" vs. feminist ideologies, I am talking about how our society and culture defines "masculine" vs. "feminine" ideas, traits, etc. Gender has nothing to with biological determinism and is socially and culturally constructed. Masculinist ideologies include beliefs such as extreme individualism, competition, "us vs. them" dichotomies, and power and value being defined based on hierarchy, which necessitates the use of violence to perpetuate the hierarchy. Feminist ideologies include valuing community and collaboration, connection and empathy, the idea that every person has inherent worth regardless of their productivity, actions, mistakes, class, race, sexuality, etc., respect for all people, and an abolishing of hierarchies. Masculinist ideologies are those of the white supremacist hetero-patriarchy, which, as we can see playing out in various ways all over the world, has been rearing its head in a very obvious and ugly fashion the past few years (though of course it has been around for wayyyyy longer than that).

Anyone who has been reading the fantastic analyses of TROS by those in the Reylo community can likely see how TLJ and even the story as it was set up in TFA were communicating feminist ideologies. One big example of this is Kylo Ren/Ben himself as a character. As so many have eloquently described, this is a complex character that commits atrocities, but is shown to be a victim of immense abuse and trauma that was failed by everyone in his family when he needed them most. This is a character that, had he been able to have the full and well-written redemption arc that he deserved, would have had an extremely moving story of how toxic masculinity and masculinist ideology is destroying boys and men by keeping them from being full people who can express all of their emotions, be vulnerable, and be open to love and connection. Reylo resonates so much with me not because it is about Rey supposedly doing all the work to change Kylo in some sort of toxic, co-dependent way, but because Rey and Kylo/Ben were always equals to each other. They both pushed each other to be better, more whole people. The wonderful work that folks have put into analyzing the mythology behind the feminine and masculine symbolism in TFA and TLJ (again, to clarify, "masculine" and "feminine" being culturally defined terms), and even the more obvious original goal of the sequel trilogy for the force to finally be balanced by Rey and Ben themselves becoming balanced between dark and light all relate to these gender issues. Balancing the dark and light sides of the force is also about balancing the "masculine" and "feminine" aspects within themselves.

This is a beautiful message that has so many real world implications. In our world, for lack of a better term, everything "feminine" is basically shat on. Patriarchy hates anything "feminine." This is how sexism plays out, but it also has to do with the ideologies that we believe in, down to our basic understandings of empathy and whether or not people have inherent value. The world would certainly be a better place if the "masculine" and "feminine" were better balanced, specifically if "feminine," and feminist, ideologies were more valued. This is what makes TROS feel like a stab directly in the heart. This was a trilogy that clearly did have feminist messages, regardless of DLF's bullshitting about Star Wars being "for everyone." Star Wars has always been progressive, the original trilogy is about rebels taking on fascists for god's sake. DLF's pandering to the most toxic part of the fandom for TROS is therefore representative of a much larger cultural, social, and political battle that is going on around the world right now. We are at a turning point for humanity in which we are starting to face the devastation that has occurred due to masculinist ideologies being the most highly regarded and utilized by those in power, but those in power are also trying to maintain their power by strongly reasserting those ideologies. So I would argue that this is not just about one movie that I and many other people didn't like. This movie is a small representation of a much larger battle that we're fighting.

Now, that reassertion of masculinist ideology that was the stabbing in the heart of watching TROS has made me super, duper depressed for the past week or so because, as others have pointed out, it communicated to me that no matter how hard we fight, the white supremacist hetero-patriarchy will reassert itself and win in the end. It even re-triggered the pain I've felt over the past few years since our current president came into office in the U.S. However, as I near the end of this long treatise I would like to share the stories that gave me hope over these past few days. I re-watched The Lego Movie 2 the other day, and that story gave me hope. The "bad guy" in that story is a literal embodiment of toxic masculinity/masculinist ideology, and it ends with the male hero realizing that he doesn't need to sacrifice his humanity and connections to other people to be a hero, or even just to be a man. How to Train Your Dragon 3 also told a story about a male hero/leader that rejects masculinist ideology. Additionally, I was given hope by Rian's amazing movie, Knives Out, which I went to see solely because people on Tumblr recommended it (thank you folks!). Rian had a clear theme and vision for this story that was about exposing and dissecting what I would call "toxic whiteness," and what it does to a family and those around them. And lastly, I saw Greta Gerwig's incredible adaptation of Little Women today, and that gave me hope because one of its main themes is about the struggle that (cis, heterosexual) women have in asserting themselves as full humans with talents, dreams and goals for their lives outside of being in romantic relationships, but also wanting to have romantic relationships at the same time. As has been said by so many, "STRONG" WOMEN CAN FALL IN LOVE AND HAVE ROMANTIC/SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS. Feminism is about giving all people the chance to be fully human, and for heterosexual women that includes being able to have a relationship with a man and still be valued and respected for everything that we are outside of that relationship. The above mentioned stories, and others (She-Ra, Dragon Prince, AtLA & Legend of Korra, I'm sure there are others) give me hope that there are creators out there that are communicating feminist themes, even in big-budget movies that lots of people go to see. We need more of this. Tied to this is that THE HEROINE'S JOURNEY OF THE SEQUEL TRILOGY SHOULD HAVE BEEN WRITTEN/DIRECTED BY A WOMAN/WOMEN. Folks, we need the opportunities to tell our own stories. All of the diverse folks out there, if you are a creator, please keep on creating! We need you out there and we value all of the beautiful, integral work that you do!

So in sum, I'm not going to let what happened with TROS ruin my love of Star Wars or of the sequel trilogy. The story belongs to the fans now, and there are so many of us out there to care for it. You better be sure that I will never stop speaking up about how wronged we were by TROS, that is the hill I will die on. But I am not giving up hope and I hope that you will also join me in not giving up hope. As Poe stated so well in TLJ (with one minor adjustment), "We are the spark that will light the fire that will burn the [patriarchy] down." End of treatise.

[migleefulmoments]

I'm a psych major - i seriously believe that the CC fandom is a cult - the hate they send is cult like mentality, they have something seriously wrong with them. Like mentally. I wouldn't be surprised if one of them got arrested for harassment of C or D or their partners.

Come off anon and chat with me...there is a lot to unpack and I won’t do it publicly.  

There is definite some mental health issues for in that fandom. I too keep wondering how far they will push it.  If not them, will some follower of theirs do something stupid because they are emboldened by the rhetoric that the ccc leaders spew? 

Whether the anons are real or the leaders of the ccc are sending anons to themselves-or it’s a combination of both- is unclear to me, what I do know is that the answers they are giving are consistently and purposefully misleading and often outright lies. 

Two recent examples of their outrageous lies; 

1. ANON::

“...have u seen naya say on the podcast that C was actually upset about santana's rant to kurt in that episode... because it was so real? it really makes u think that there was for sure one writer thay really did have it out for chris...

ajw720 answered:

That rant was 100% directed at C and it was divined by RM.  He is raging with jealousy towards C, he has everything, looks, talent, creativity, and D.  And things completely feel apart when RM realized C was genuine competition.  You realize Blainofsky was punishment to CC for acting out that past summer? He literally broke up the fan favorite couple on the show during the last season for revenge. And he despises C in particular. And that rant was not aimed at K/urt. It was aimed at C.  And I am glad N/aya commented on it, I can’t imagine how she felt being used on that manner.

FACT CHECK: 

Had she spent 2 minutes Googling this she would have realized that fact Brad Falchuk-not Ryan Murphy- wrote Jagged Little Tapestry thus invalidating her entire theory.

Everything she said about Ryan Murphy in this paragraph is simply her fantasy. Ryan is a very successful and powerful Hollywood writer, producer, and director. He is also gay and married with young children and Is a powerful LGBQT advocate.  His youngest son waged a 2-year battle with Neuroblastoma from 2016-2018. Neuroblastoma is a vicious form of childhood cancer that requires intense treatment. I used to be an pediatric oncology/bone marrow transplant nurse and this cancer and treatment is no joke. 

Ryan Murphy is very creative- he created and wrote episodes of Glee, 911, and  Nip/Tuck, AHS, ACS, and the upcoming The Politician. Check out his IMDB (X).  

He has won numerous awards and nurtured a lot of queer content including Pose which hired both LGBTQ actors and staff making it highly unlikely that he would closet a gay actor. 

She suggested Ryan is jealous of Chris because of his “looks” and  his relationship with Darren. There is nothing to suggest that Ryan is unhappy in his married, his attracted to much younger or is attracted to Chris and/ Darren.  Ryan called his husband, “His rock” in 2018 when talking about their son’s illness.  

Abby ignores  Ryan’s real life story, instead because it doesn’t fit her fanfiction character profile she created for Ryan.     

2. ANON: 

“....is it a known fact to the whole fandom that f/etusm/iarren is M/ia ?” (X)

chrisdarebashfulsmiles answered:

Hi, you know, i think (my opinion) that m/iarrens are ignoring purposely this fact. Like.. they have seen everything happening or showed here and decided to say “hey, you know? i don’t care”. Like they do with everything that is not part of the “D is straight” tale.

Let’s say that most of us have an idea about who the minions are (if they exists and i think i can tell you that maybe one is a real person)… but it’s irrelevant. 

The account still exists because, and believe me i don’t know how this is possible, the stans who follow that account are more “m/ia stans” (the ones that bother us on our blogs and in blogs dedicated to hate and mock us) than “D stans.  Let me tell you one thing: i speak with a good bunch of “m/iarren” that are D stans and we are on the same page, we worry for D. No talk of bullshit with them. Most of them understood that something wasn’t ok and they left their fandom, without becoming part of the cc one. Others are still here but more subtle and still respectful.

And I see why: because they want to understand what is wrong.

Anyway: D’s team gives her stuff, and this is one of the problem.

FACT CHECK:

In truth, there are very few “Mia stans” and a lot of “Darren stans”.  The CCCers refuse to listen to what their anons actually say. Instead they pigeon-hole people into categories based on their own needs and they need us to be unreasonable and obsessed with Mia rather than Darren for their self-righteous antics to work.   

Nobody that I am aware of is purposefully ignoring credible evidence that Darren is gay. None of us are looking at the “evidence “ and saying “hey, we don’t care”.  The fact is that very few people care if Darren is gay or straight and the “evidence” is nonsense. I have yet to year one thing that sounds credible. Anyone else? 

I did a very rudimentary look her claim that “The account still exists because, and believe me i don’t know how this is possible, the stans who follow that account are more “m/ia stans” than “D Stans”.  I sampled 280 Fetu/sMiarr/en followers: 

The vast majority were private accounts aka we cannot say why they are interested in the account.

4 or 0.1% called themselves Mi/arrens

10 or 3.5% listed Kl/aine or Gle/e in their profile

15 or 5.3% listen Darre/n or posted photos of him alone

1 or 0.03% was a Guns ‘N Hoses page DING DING DING we found the Mia Stan.   

Darren’s team gives her stuff? What exactly would Darren’s team need to give her? She is his wife. She goes everywhere with him. they own a home and bar together. 

Chrisdarebashfulsmiles had a rare moment of honestly when she said “Believe me I don’t know how this is possible”.  The truth is. it isn’t possible. it’s all made up.

Abby stuck her nose in to the conversation with this wisdom: 

ajw720

And a lot of the stans who refuse to accept it, need M because she is the only thing that makes d straight. And they know as soon as they start to question, they have to face reality

Um, no Abs, Mia is not the only thing that makes Darren straight. 

Darren is straight because he is a man who is sexually attracted to women....the very definition of “straight”.  

Darren has identified as straight for 9 years. 

Your confusion around his sexual orientation is simply your refusal to respect his word because you believe you know more than he does about his own feelings-however that isn’t a valid argument.    

His marriage to Mia is a personal decision to build a life with the woman he loves and has been in a relationship with for 9 years or so.

Let’s look at Darren’s own words over the years:  

2011 'Glee' Star Darren Criss Comes Out—As A Straight Guy!(X)

"I think it's more empowering to everybody, including myself, if I'm articulate about identifying myself as a straight male playing a gay character," the actor says in the Hollywood issue of Out magazine. "Ultimately, that's more powerful for both communities."

When Criss first got the role of Blaine, he admits that he wanted to deflect questions about his sexual orientation, giving reporters answers like, "It doesn't matter if I'm gay or straight." But he decided that it was better if he was just honest and straightforward. Besides, he explains, he owes a huge part of his identity to gay role models. 

2011 “Glee Star Darren Criss Dishes on Kissing Lea Michele & Losing Out To Cory Monteith (X)

I’ve been pretty overt about the fact that I am straight,” Darren told Billy and Kit. “I think it’s an important thing to be explicit about — not for my own sexuality, but just as a general statement that I am comfortable with my sexuality and very comfortable with the fact that I’m playing a strong gay character.”

I’ve been pretty overt about the fact that I am straight,” Darren told Billy and Kit. “I think it’s an important thing to be explicit about — not for my own sexuality, but just as a general statement that I am comfortable with my sexuality and very comfortable with the fact that I’m playing a strong gay character.”

2013 Cosmo Guy” Darren Criss On Glee’s New Chapter   (X)

Q: You're not gay; you just play gay on TV. Do you ever feel the need to assert your heterosexuality?

A: No. I know who I am. I feel bad for guys who have to flex their muscles. But hey, if that's the way to make yourself feel comfortable as a man—as long as it isn't antagonizing anybody—go for it. I'm okay with your getting a Miata to feel like a dude; just don't be a dick about it.

Darren Criss Will No Longer Play Gay Characters (X)

Darren Criss has decided that he will no longer play gay characters. Why? Because he doesn’t want to be a straight actor taking potential roles from actors who actually identify as gay, he said in a recent interview with Bustle.

“There are certain [queer] roles that I’ll see that are just wonderful,” he explained. “But I want to make sure I won’t be another straight boy taking a gay man’s role.”

2018 Darren Criss on Playing Serial Killer Andrew Cunanan in ACS: Versace and Passing as White  (X)

You’ve also played a lot of gay and queer characters. Has playing these parts informed how you think about your sexuality or gender? That’s a great question. God, we need like an hour. Sure, yes. Absolutely. It definitely has. I think being queer in general evokes more self-questioning than somebody who’s cisgender straight, because you really have to explore a lot of things about yourself that are meeting resistance on conventional social levels. So you have to go, “Okay, cool. Is this really how I feel?” There are questions that arise within yourself that doesn’t have to happen if you live in a hetero-normative universe. So in that sense, I think the journey of questioning oneself, which everybody does anyway — and should do— I admire that narrative. Even though I am not gay myself, or queer, I am a storyteller, and I love and appreciate the strength of character it takes for someone to get through that, whether it was difficult or not. I’ve been very blessed in my career with being allowed in the gay community. Again, as a cisgendered straight dude, that’s not lost on me. I don’t take that for granted. It’s been such a huge part of my life, even pre-Glee. I come from San Francisco doing theater, man. Like, I was raised by gay men. Not literally at home, but you know, as a young kid doing theater, my friends were these men and women in their 20s, driving me home and getting me dinner. These were my adult figures in my life, so unconsciously I’ve always had such affection for the life, whatever that means. So I guess inhabiting a gay voice is important to me because it’s a voice that I find inspiring. 

These are just two of the many lies the cc fandom tell their followers in order to manipulate them into believing the fantasies that means much to them.  

[larriefails]

I was scrolling thru ur blog & I just read that post u made about Harry being more 'palatable' to Larries but that they don't really love the real him, could u elaborate on that a little more? Ur one of the only antis that's willing to accept Harry's sexuality instead of pushing it aside & only focusing on him & women & I think it's impt to bring that to the discussion as well. Ls really pushed Harry to be open about smth he probably wasn't ready for so early, that & the biphobia, whew chile

I’d written so much and tumblr just ate it up ugggh

Okay, here we go again. There’s so much to unpack

First of all, I want to clarify, because this has happened before, that I’m not comfortable with you implying I’m the “Not Like Other Girls” of antis. Don’t compare me. I like those blogs, so..

Second of all and in the same vein, I don’t think I’ve seen any antis that are not willing to accept Harry’s sexuality. None of them are out there calling him straight, if that’s what you’re implying (at least none that I’ve seen)

Third of all, I think you don’t realize how hard it is to maintain a line with a blog like this one, where people come discourse about Larries (especially when you yourself are bisexual). I was ecstatic when Harry expressed those parts of his sexuality because I’ve been a fan of his since my early teens and it’s just really cool to see yourself somewhat represented in someone you’ve loved so dearly for so long. But I understand that I have a responsibility to not project my own feelings and desires onto him, and especially not doing it in a public forum where it has the potential of snowballing

Also, Larries abstractly accept Harry’s attraction towards men (I say abstractly because they turn vicious at the idea of him with any man that isn’t Louis, and any potential boyfriend Harry could get in the future would definitely get attacked). So there isn’t really much of a point in mentioning it in most of the posts I make. I’ve shoehorned it in in several that didn’t really call for it and realized after posting, and that’s most likely because of my own projection. If that’s what you feel makes me “Not Like Other Antis” then that’s not really a positive trait of mine, so I wouldn’t really praise it

It’s much comfortable and easy territory to talk about Harry’s attraction to women because it’s been piling on for years. No matter how many times Larries try to claim all of it is a stunt, reality says differently. Harry has talked about girlfriends in interviews and on stage, he has expressed attraction towards women, often bringing it up himself, has written songs about women. And the point is that Larries refuse to accept it, attack all the women linked to him, attack his team for “forcing him” to talk about it, even go on to say that he didn’t really write a majority of his album, so it becomes important to say that’s not the case in blogs like ours

When it comes to attraction to men, it’s only recently that Harry’s been more concrete (if you can call it that) about the subject, and there really isn’t much of a solid ground for us to feel like we can discuss it as openly as we do with his attraction towards women. Not without verging on projecting (and sometimes tinhatting) territory. I’m not here to discount Harry’s expressions of his sexuality, don’t get me wrong, but I feel like I have to be a little more vague about it, because Harry has been a little more vague about it. I just want to follow his lead because ultimately, it’s really none of my business. Sure, he made jokes before, and as non-straight person myself they pinged to me. I’m not gonna pretend they didn’t. But at the time, I really didn’t feel comfortable doing more than acknowledging he’d made them because it just wasn’t enough to go on. Straight men joke about that too, sadly (and I say sadly because I don’t like it when straight people joke about not being straight). And it could’ve also been jokes that weren’t even meant to be taken that way. Obviously now in hindsight they ping even more loudly to me, but I still don’t think they’re “proof” of anything, just something that gets me “okay... so this happened.” They could totally be the typical “testing the waters jokes” that most non-straight people do when they meet new people, they could even be the dumb jokes you just can’t help yourself making that could out you if you hit the wrong tone but narrowly avoid it because you’re being funny. But they could also just be jokes with no ulterior meaning

The bottom line is that, personally, when Harry said he didn’t label his sexuality, he knew how many of his fans thought he wasn’t straight. He knew of all the rumors. And when he wrote Medicine and chose to sing it on tour after saying he didn’t label his sexuality and all those years old rumors, he knew what he was doing. I don’t think for a second he’s stupid enough not to realize what those two things would cause, and I don’t think for a second he’s malicious enough to queerbait. So to me, it’s another thing about himself, he has green eyes and dimples, trips over his own feet, has annoyingly good reflexes, likes tattoos, is attracted to men in some capacity, is attracted to women, likes rock music, and has a half silly/half dry sense of humor. I don’t feel comfortable making more definite statements than that or putting a label on him when he’s explicitly rejected them before, and I definitely don’t have headcanons about him with men

If in the future he decides to share more, then I’ll gladly accept it and discuss it, but I will go as far as he wants to go and nothing more than that. I don’t think that’s “pushing it aside” I think it’s just being respectful

With your last two points I DO agree but I don’t think other antis shy away from that, and I actually don’t think I’ve talked about either of those things, at least not as main subjects of anything

The biphobia among Larries is rampant and disgusting. Anything that isn’t 100% gay is labeled as “het”. Larries have called him saying “I mess around with THEM” instead of “HIM” in Medicine “het” which is ABSURD because “them” includes “the BOYS and the GIRLS.” But to Larries he’s a gold star gay and “them”, by including women, would “legitimize his past relationships” and that’s “het”. That and Harry making statements on his sexuality when Louis is “still forced in an iron closet” made their heads explode. This is why I feel it’s important to highlight that Harry isn’t in the closet. He hasn’t come out, but I actually have a feeling that he would never do that. I think he’s just living his life and expressing himself for who he is and it just so happens to include that part of himself, like it happens to include his quirky sense of fashion or other aspects of his personality. He’s not actively trying to hide it, his girlfriends aren’t beards, his song lyrics aren’t stunts or coded metaphors for the burden of his fame. He just doesn’t fit the definition of a closet. It’s just that society tells you that there’s an actual drawn line between those two states, when for a lot of people that’s not the case. And I think Harry is also very idealistic and would love for that to be everyone’s reality. Like when he said he doesn’t feel equality should be political. No, my child, it shouldn’t but it is. And no, people shouldn’t have to come out and make statements on their sexuality, but society is still very into boxing people anyway. Sorry, I lost my train of thought

Anyway, Larries can’t just have Harry and Louis in this idyllic romantic relationship that never broke up in nine years. They also have to have them both being 100% gay and allergic to women. I think it’s part of their insecurity in their own conspiracy, but also, a lot of internalized misogyny and a fuckton of biphobia. If they acknowledged Harry’s attraction towards women, then he’d be a flight risk because the bi stereotype is cheating (not calling Harry bi, btw, it’s a stereotype applied to everyone that’s attracted to more than one gender, but it’s simplified as a bi stereotype). It’s easier for them to rationalize that all of Harry’s expressions of attraction towards women (and there’s been A TON) are just jokes or stunts or things he was forced to say and do. It soothes them and makes them believe in their ship with more ease

And the last point of how they pushed Harry to be open about something he wasn’t ready for so early. I mean, I don’t think Harry started being open about it before he was ready and I don’t think he lets himself be pushed by fan entitlement. He might be a “fluffy cupcake” but he’s very assertive when he needs to be. He draws a line and doesn’t let you cross it. So I think he expressed himself how he wanted and when he wanted. But Larries did TRY to push him. They made assumptions very early on, used a ton of stereotypes, analyzed things he probably didn’t even realize he was doing, and were all around disgusting. We don’t know how Harry’s journey with his own sexuality has been. I know people that didn’t even think they could be anything other than straight until they were well into their 20s. I know others that knew it as children. Once again, I don’t feel comfortable having headcanons or analyzing how Harry’s specific case was/is because it’s none of my business, but yeah, it’s totally possible that a lot of the shit Larries have said and analyzed has caused him harm. Having someone speculate on that sort of thing when you’re not fully conscious of it yet can fuck you up. Having people making definite statements about such private matters when you’re not ready to make them yourself can definitely fuck you up. Larries think all this speculating is them being fantastic allies and showing support, um, no? The opposite?

Do you know how you show support? By supporting the LGBT community and openly LGBT artists. By donating time and money to LGBT charities. By being welcoming and loving towards LGBT individuals. It’s definitely not by speculating on the sexuality of an artist you think might not be straight when they haven’t said anything themselves. That’s the shittiest thing you can do

[hakuteeth]

Harry Styles and the Concept of Gender

I have a lot of thoughts and I wanted a place to lay them all out so I’m sorry this is gonna be probably indecipherable but disclaimer I’m not saying harry is a gender he’s not this is just really exploring the concept of freedom with or without gender and expression of oneself thru clothes not so much about identity but the wider concept of the binary based around my own interpretations of it. A femme take on femininity thru a white man’s exploration of gender if u will so if u dont like that i dont care

also.... ive never taken a queer studies class but I love sociology so..... all these connections I make are from my own knowledge and arent meant to box harry in...

Gender defined from a sociological standpoint is based around how we behave and what actions we are expected to perform and for the most part a little give and take people can stick within this binary as it can be safe and comfortable and black and white. What’s interesting is when people step outside the norm and are more willing to explore that grey area that most people simply dont understand. This is interesting because it extends beyond clothing or makeup as most people don’t realize a man wearing makeup does not subvert gender because the gender binary is also inherently shackled to the concept of heteronormativity just as a woman completes a man, the soft counterpart to his masculine ways. 

Harry Styles and the concept of gender started for me with a dress. It never quite occurred to me that harry would wear a dress and reading the rolling stone article that harry had worn or would ever wear something quite as feminine as that. I think for a lot of people solo Harry Styles was a strange and beautiful uncharted territory of course many people came to suspect the new age rock n roll harry had to usher in but what’s fun is not so much deconstructing Harry as a soft rockstar but the idea that Harry has a femininity to him something I never saw until I noticed it everywhere in his clothing and even more interesting his actions.

The most interesting thing is Harry doesn’t quite believe in a gender binary when it comes to fashion possibly attributed to Alessandro Michele’s take on gender or perhaps the work of a really good stylist but I think if anything Harry also believes in that mission that gender could be redefined within the confines of fashion.

Harris Reed described his vision and Harry ended up wearing five different looks on his world tour introducing a student and relatively unknown LGBT designer to the masses and Harris has went on to say that Harry completely understood the connection clothing gender and sexuality have all shared since the dawn of fabric and it’s interesting when one also thinks about the time and effort this collaboration took considering Harris designed all these looks himself over a very short period of time. Harry wasn’t looking for somebody to dress him as what we normally see male popstars wear onstage, he was looking for a risk.

Gender like most things is more complicated than somebody might think. It extends beyond putting on a funky print before leaving the house it’s about the mannerisms, the actions, the behavior of the individual and the overall societal imprint. And Harry’s always been a bit softer than most. He’s always displayed his self as overwhelmingly kind to the point it makes my teeth hurt sometimes and he’s never overbearing. He’s quite quiet and subtle for somebody who can wear a loud pink custom gucci suit. 

Since 2013 he never shied away from looking or being a bit more feminine and he’s always exuded this calming energy or at least I believe if he had an aura it would definitely be soft pink. During his 2018 tour, every night he would tell fans that they were allowed to be whoever they wanted be in that room and it was all about fostering this environment where crying is manly and babies could choose their own gender  (which he said twice on tour). Also something that sticks out quite vividly is when a fan told him his mermaid has saggy boobs and he replied that everybody should love themselves. 

“We are men!” Then he prances away. That’s always how I picture Harry now him using his kilt to curtsey or him twirling like a ballerina on a football pitch. The concept of gender has extended more beyond fashion and into comfortability but also exploring what somebody may not be comfortable with at first but finding they quite like it. 

When men wear nail polish or when you gift your boyfriend flowers for valentines day. It all lies inside the confines of gender. Subverting gender doesnt mean men should wear makeup but it encompasses a vast majority of actions AND behavior or as I like to call it being a bit softer than most. Men have a tendency to bathe themselves in aggression and to assert their dominance and I’m not saying Harry can’t be masculine as well. One of his favorite hobbies is boxing but even then I’d argue that’s less about aggression and more about control and analytical power where taking down an opponent requires more than brute strength.

I believe there’s power in being feminine and there’s power in owning yourself, 100%, and what’s interesting is Harry is the one who taught me that. I think a lot of people see Harry as this mysterious figure and while he is more private than some people would like I also think he’s shown us a lot about himself and it all depends on us to draw our own conclusions. The thing is I don’t like Harry cause I think he subverts gender or I think he’s feminine. I like him cause he’s authentically himself without any concern for others and he’s different. I’m not a man I present as a woman so I’m subjected to an oppressive environment. I am wary at people who are unwilling to learn who are afraid of stepping outside the box ANY box and hold themselves so tight they can barely move. I see Harry as somebody who moves freely.

I could make an entire essay on Harry and the concept of heteronormativity but I’m going to stick with toeing the line on gender for right now but I do believe a lot can be said for cis heterosexuality and attending a harry styles concert. It felt a bit like a pride parade which was interesting how somebody who essentially had for years this show of heterosexuality somehow ended up being followed by lesbians and bisexual women as well as many gay and trans men fans. 

Well it’s not that hard to see. Harry’s concerts are more celebrations of being yourself and I’ve never seen Harry ever discourage that or shy away from defending his fans to him we are a group of strong men and women and girls are the future. Once again bringing the concept back to the gender binary, girls can do anything despite being told they are only good at some things.

I don’t think this vision of Harry is a product of fan pressure. I think Harry genuinely supports things like LGBT rights and I think he believes in it just as much as we do I can’t ever imagine him not doing so. He made pride merch and wasn’t getting a cent of it because it was all donated to an LGBT charity to benefit youth in schools. If we’re talking in the ways in which Harry explores gender the number 1 community for that has always been the LGBT community historically we tend to fuck around with the concept of gender so it’s not surprise to me that’s a community Harry advocates for. 

Harry’s solo career from the beginning has been about reinventing masculinity. He wore a women’s suit for his album photoshoot and bathed in flowers and pink lemonade for his album cover and though his album had some rock n roll tropes he’s never shied away from talking about women’s rights or lgbt rights. And even within One Direction Harry never felt like just another man to me. He’s somebody special. Not afraid of vulnerability, not afraid of being called gay, not afraid of expressing who he is thru clothing. 

To me it’s always felt like Harry wanted people to know this is who I am you can take me or leave me. Harry I feel is somebody willing to take risks putting himself in a dress in a booklet as tour merch. Saying we’re all a little bit gay on tour. Like moths to a flame outsiders are drawn to him at least I was. 

To me Harry Styles is carving out a place for himself in a world that can be very rigid. Harry isn’t following anybody’s path but his own setting out to reinvent rock n roll and always and forever being a bit softer than most. It’s an admirable trait in a world that has become quite scary as of late. 

[hamliet]

Hey!! Since i've been following u for a while and i really respect your opinion i wanted to ask you something unrelated to anime. Do you think there are more than two genders? Feel free to ignore this if answering makes u uncomfortable.

Hey! Soooooo socially my answer would be considered yep, but in reality my answer is more complicated. I’m not an expert, and I’m a cis woman, so people who identify as something other than cis please chime in.

Let’s start by defining gender. I think gender is a societal distinction about how people present themselves. Gender is usually assigned based on reproductive organs and/or chromosomes; however, we scientifically know this is not a binary biological distinction, and that’s fact, not opinion.

For example, intersex conditions aren’t as rare as everyone thinks. I want to discuss one in particular–have you heard of complete androgen insensitivity syndrome? I’m gonna discuss that one because I think it just presents a very easy to follow example for how gender binaries are not scientific. (There are varying degrees, but let’s go with complete for now.) It’s a situation where a fetus with XY chromosomes does not respond to androgens, which are male sex hormones (like testosterone). The production of androgens in the womb as a result of XY which spurs the development of typically male genitalia. However, in this situation, cells do not respond to androgens, and so fetuses do not develop typically male genitalia. That’s really oversimplified but you get the idea. When they are born their bodies have normal vaginas and no one will realize they are actually XY until they don’t menstruate (as they do not have uteruses) or they develop a medical emergency caused by herniated undescended testes. The vast majority of these people identify as women even though they have XY chromosomes, and they’ve probably been raised as girls. But for the 1% who don’t identify as women, well, their chromosomes are XY, so you can’t really tell them they’re women even biologically speaking. And then there are varying degrees of androgen insensitivity, which cause ambiguous genitalia, which understandably may make someone uncertain how to identify, or identify as both male and female or as neither.

So, gender is not binary scientifically speaking. And that’s not including the hundreds of other genetic situations and transgender people.

I just don’t find gender very helpful when thinking about people or their personalities either. I think it can be beneficial whether it should or shouldn’t be when it comes to relating to society, though, as society assigns certain traits male or female, etc. People should present as whichever gender they want, or as a third or fourth or fifth gender. There are actually societies that do allow other genders and always have, so there’s precedent throughout history. Notably most of these cultures aren’t western, so western culture being predominant thanks to colonialism and other factors is probably why that tends to be the assumption (that there are two). So, gender can be an important part of one’s identity, whatever it may be, because society rather dictates it so (and societal dictations aren’t necessarily bad, but binaries can be harmful for people who just don’t fall into those). For example, I am comfortable identifying as a cis woman because I was born that way and fall pretty stereotypically into what American society thinks women are like, so I want to be identified as such, but other people fall less strictly into the stereotypes but still find value in being identified as a woman by society. It can also be helpful when specifying who someone is likely to be attracted to, in particular in sexual/romantic lights. For me gender is helpful when it comes to my own personal attractions—I’m attracted to male-presenting people with penises–cis men usually, in other words, or I’m straight/het/whatever.

So there are uses for gender, but yeah. It’s not a scientific thing, and is more socially driven. As society evolves, I think people will hopefully become more open to the idea of people just not fitting into categories, which while they might have had their uses/understandable reasons why people imposed them and yet still hurt people via doing so even if that wasn’t there intention in ye olden days, just don’t any more, especially with all we know. Evolve, society, evolve, and let people be.

[6ad6ro]

let's talk about this idea of incels for a sec. i'm gonna do my best to not make a single insulting remark here. and i'm oversimplifying gender and sexuality like crazy since incels tend to be cis men. so anyways incels are ppl (men) who wanna have sex, but believe women just won't let them, right? they feel somehow their personalities make them incompatible with girls. okay.

most ppl? just view that rejection as a period of loneliness rather than defining themselves by it. when you grow up, you realise that most ppl want romantic partners. or at least an emotionally comparable variant. it's rly not hard to meet ppl. you just get out there. be nice n considerate. honest. accept things don't always work out and realise it's not the world against you. you just keep looking. meet people and let things happen naturally.

TLDR: incels are just toxic, extremist versions of the guys who used to bring up "friendzoning", and fz was never real. girls don't actually have an easier time dating than guys. it isn't women doing this to you, but rather the fault of patriarchy and the dudes in charge. you can change! just stop with this silliness because it's making things way worse for you!

i'm not particularly attractive, especially now that i'm older. i don't have a lot of money. i'm rly not interesting. i have a ton of personality baggage and flaws. hell, i'm agoraphobic and sorta like a western hikikomori. it's rly hard for me to meet people even online. and yet, when i DO get out there? i wind up in relationships or flings or flirty friendships. bc that's just how it works.

you have to meet ppl and develop a relationship to have... the physical parts of a relationship. life isn't porn. or harem anime. people have brains and feelings. and everybody has preferences. that person who you think is perfect for you? maybe they just weren't looking for someone like you. it isn't cruel of them to have their own opinions.

i mean honestly i don't think a single one of you incels would fuck just anybody. you guys have preferences too. are you sure if you didn’t open your eyes a bit wider that you couldn’t find someone? bc there are tons and tons of lonely ppl out there! the majority of ppl, actually. it's insane how many ppl are out there, right at this moment, who wish they had a sexual partner. go find them! be willing to have broader preferences! stop looking for someone who is "perfect" and look for someone who you can just be happy with!

okay so fine you say "well i'm ugly from societies standards". but... then why are you going after people who follow society's standards. as someone who constantly feels outcast in your life, shouldn’t that experience SHOW you that popular societal opinions are mostly frivolous? standards of beauty are fake? so if someone rejects you purely on that front (and this is a stretch bc everyone has valid personal pref), why isn't that a GOOD thing to you!? you aren't wasting your time on someone who harshly judges you based on unimportant things! you're filtering incompatible ppl out that way! it's all very natural.

okay lastly... i'm gonna bring up a part that could make me look bad. but i wanna be rly honest here. so women? do seem like they have an easier time meeting men. SEEM is the key word here, bc they actually don't. not really.

but girls who are willing to severely fall into the gender roles that patriarchal society forces upon them? yeah. they do. as long as they're fairly "attractive". and willing to spend a ton of time TRYING to be attractive. ESP if they're a bit aggressive themselves. thanks to awful patriarchy, typical gender roles have men chasing women like predators after prey. i won't get into ALL the extensive, rapey issues that involves bc that isn't my point here.

tho i mean how is that any different than a guy doing similar role stuff like "working out/making money/acting cool"?? if you really wanna meet the kinds of girls who fall into typical gender roles, you gotta do the same thing? i don't think this will make ppl happy... but if you wanna play games with ppl, you gotta play within the same dumb rules!

but back to my point, girls that let themselves be chased easily find themselves with guys more often. bc in patriarchy typically the guy has to initiate. girls like that are being reactive. so from a naive male perspective, it can look like "they get any guy they want". no. they're just saying yes to the guys they like of whatever pool of guys who are going after them. if they aren't chasing guys directly, how can they be directly rejected out of the gate?

let's look at it this way: a guy chases after 20 girls he kinda likes over a few years. 5 respond positively back. it prob seems like he only has 25% success w women and is usually failing, right? whereas a girl gets hit on by 20 guys over the same period, but says yes to 5 of them. so she's getting an "100% success rate" there, since she only wanted that 5. she wasn't chasing anyone. to guys it looks like they WORK for women, but women just win the lottery with guys? no. absolutely wrong. that is objectively incorrect.

you aren't incorporating all the guys they rly want. or how often they just "go with it". how often do you hear stories of girls wanting a guy and winding up w their friend instead? girls actually typically play within a pool of disappointment rather than chasing ideals. it's not literally disappointment tho? it's just being realistic. they play with the cards they're dealt.

there are TONS of girls who don't wanna spend so much of their lives playing that game tho. who DON'T wanna live within the confines of being a trophy. or if they aren't naturally lucky enough to be "pretty" by default, who aren't willing to spend 75% of their day compensating for that. those girls? aren't surrounded by guys. often single. often lonely until they get older and find someone they're mutually compatible with. bc that's another thing most guys don't see?

the only girls "worth" going after are the "appealing/easy" prey. or "white whales" where they just hope they'll get lucky. men aren't aggressively going after the chubby girl who wears reg clothes and doesn't actively try to look "sexy". they aren't drawn to girls who aren't giving them that playful "come get me" attitude. to them, they see that girl as "just a friend". or a " last resort". or "maybe a lesbian". it's fucking gross.

you might be like "well i know girls like that who have TONS of sex so"... have you seen the levels of desperation stereotypically "unattractive" girls like that have to stoop too? let me tell you, i meet these girl's bf and they're often total scumbags. they're scraping the bottom if the barrel. are you sure these girls haven't stooped to total desperation due to so many years of being overlooked when they acted normally? or ask yourself, were they ever TRULY "unattractive/unappealing" in the first place? u sure you don't just have weird standards??

btw can i point out? the tradeoff? the utter lack of power and choice girls have in this system? girls have to be born pretty and actively attractive with a sexy personality at all times. guys just need to have a moderate amount of money and be occasionally considerate. girls have to be sex objects whereas guys can be just people. bald, fat, somewhat unattractive guys are seen as normal but if a girl looked like that? she'd be perceived as a monster.

as a male working within gender roles you have the freedom to go after as many girls as you want without issue or disrespect. nobody is gonna call you a "slut" for trying to meet many girls. the list goes on and on. why are you mad at girls when you were "born winning"? you are more likely to live a happier life being alone than a girl would constantly being with someone. you should be grateful you aren't them... not mad at them.

but anyways... all this stuff? is super gross. weird toxic shit. it makes sense you would be lonely and angry when you don't wanna play by these rules. or change yourself to be more "appealing". but... why are you getting mad at girls?!?!? why blame women?? shouldn't you be mad at the source? patriarchy. society. gender roles. capitalism. look at who's running the show. bc it isn't the women you're mad at. or "the sjws". it's men in power.

you're seeing your lawn die in the summer sun and getting mad at the grass for daring to dry out. so you go out and stomp on the lawn. instead of using that anger and that energy to water it or give it shade. what are you thinking!? use that "logic" you guys are so proud of and actually try and solve the issue instead of throwing a moral temper tantrum. you talk about girls "bein so overly emotional" but what the heck do you think you're doing here right now?? stop trying to find an easy cheat solution and FIX the problem!

nobody should resort to violence about this stuff, but if you WERE gonna get violent, why isn't it at the people who structured your sexual prison? rather than the girls you wanna convince to fuck you? do you really want a world where girls fuck you out of fear? bc that's rape. would YOU be happy being raped? don't wish for an even rapier world. don't be so stupid and naive. rapey patriarchy is the cause of all your issues to begin with. this is the exact opposite if what you want.

honestly this incel thing just seems like an extremist offshot of the old "friend zone" argument. very similar to how gamergate warped into literal alt-right nazis. it's gross and absurd and you depressed, confused guys are being manipulated. you aren't thinking. please seek therapy or a wider perspective? if you hate feeling lonely and ashamed, why would you wear that shame like a badge of honor? just stop. spread happiness instead and you'll start to receive it back. you can change! it's that simple! it's okay!!!

[transamorousnetwork]

What Happened After Meeting His Perfect Trans Lover 😰

Some trans-attracted…strike that…nearly every trans-attracted man struggles with patience. Transgender women do too. Because they struggle, their choices invite much pain and drama. Especially in relationships.

Or, they hide. And in their hiding, they lead minuscule lives compared to what they could live.

This post tells of a client learning how not to live that way. He still struggles though, because he hasn’t yet mastered how to live differently. He’s on his way though.

His story still contains value for transgender women and trans-attracted men striving for love. So I’m sharing it knowing it will help a lot of people.

“Jeffrey” came to The Transamorous Network 12 months ago. He struggled with dysphoria and trans-attraction, living authentically and finding love. Cis-women relationships never worked out and his life, as I said above, was very small.

What’s more, Christian beliefs kept him in a nearly continuous state of self-judging his desires and his life choices as wrong and bad. Those religious beliefs combined with equally disempowering beliefs adopted from his family upbringing. Latter beliefs made him feel financially responsible for his family, but at the same time resentful towards them when, in his opinion, they spent frivolously.

It doesn’t have to take long but often does

Jeffrey spent 11 of our 12 months together denying his unhappiness. He filled our time talking about lighthearted topics and tangents. All the while he avoided what he really wanted to talk about. Things such as his trans attraction, his sexual activity preferences and his discomfort in his religion.

Whenever I brought those up, he stammered, hesitated, went quiet or humorously changed the topic. I never pressured him because I knew he needed to build trust.

It doesn’t have to take 12 months to see progress so impressive clients double down on what they’re learning. But Jeffrey’s unworthiness, lack of deservedness, the belief that he is a sinner and condemned to going to hell because of what he feels and wants, made quick progress impossible.

For the average client, impressive evidence comes immediately. Once seen, clients eagerly progress. They create lives they love. Seeing that happen, they relax into their lives and lose that frantic “doing” mode born of impatience.

After all, when one sees their life improving at an incredible rate, when they feel better than before, relaxing becomes easy. They know, in time, they will have everything they want. That’s because they see evidence of everything becoming the way they want. Easily and effortlessly. Like the trans woman in this audio who also is a client:

Jeffrey wasn’t an average client though. So he struggled a long time. This included, as I said above, making choices that were not in his best interest, even though I frequently suggested he not make such choices.

Online dating: never the best way

One of those choices involved searching for his partner through online dating. Online dating, despite its popularity, brings many challenges. I’ve written about this before so I’m not going to go into those.

What I will say is, often, nearly always, online dating feels like drudgery, monotony and hard work. A person can’t possibly feel good wading through all those profiles, many of which overstate people’s strong points and skip over people’s baggage.

Now consider nearly everyone else on such sites feel similarly. And while a majority of online daters report positive experiences,nearly every match reflects that desperation. That may be why nearly half of people using such sites say their experiences leave them feeling frustrated.

Maybe that’s also why only 12 percent of online dating matches result in long term relationships or marriage. The figure is near double that for LGBTQ identified people. But 20 percent is still a small number.

Feelings making dating doubly tough

Like everyone else, Jeffrey’s desperation compounded with desolation. His last relationship, with a cis gender woman ended more than 20 years ago. He knew he wanted a transgender parter. But his stories about himself as a trans-attracted man and about transgender women made finding her difficult.

For example, he believes trans-attractive men use trans women as fetish objects. In other words, he does not believe his trans attraction is wholesome and natural. He also judges harshly his own desire for trans women who enjoy using their penises. Jeffrey’s religious beliefs played an important role in his struggles too. Such strong stories, with their accompanying condemnation, directly conflict with his desire.

All of these stories created within Jeffrey strong emotions, all of which told him something. But up until the 11th month, when he finally had what he thought was a good shot with a trans woman, Jeffrey did not understand what his emotions told him.

Insecurity, trepidation, anxiety, unworthiness, self-reproach, embarrassment, and shame boiled in him like a message cocktail. But he couldn’t decipher the messages.

Anytime someone feels such emotions, action should never top the “to do” list. A better approach involves addressing stories creating these emotional responses. Only then can one avoid drama created through stories creating those emotions. We talk about this all the time in The Transamorous Network material. Here’s our into video explaining our accurate premise:

Jeffrey meets his perfect match

As I said though, many men who find themselves attracted to transgender women struggle with impatience. Transgender women do too. Both parties don’t understand what we talk about at the The Transamorous Network. So instead of finding love they want, they instead try to “make” relationships happen while ignoring stories they tell keeping relationships they want from showing up.

That’s what nearly everybody does while using online dating sites. They double down on existing stories then get what such stories create.

No wonder so many online dating users experience frustration. 🤷🏽‍♂️

One day Jeffrey came to his session super happy. The dating site he used matched him with a transgender woman. I knew immediately this spelled T-R-O-U-B-L-E. He had done nothing about his stories. I knew she matched Jeffrey perfectly. But that wasn’t a good thing.

If you read everything up until this point, and you read other material from The Transamorous Network, you know everyone a person meets is a match to who they meet, the person they’re meeting matching who they’re being at that moment. So if a person doesn’t do anything about their stories, who they meet matches them perfectly, including disempowering stories they currently hold true for themselves.

Think about stories Jeffrey believed. Now just assume for the moment, what we say is true: you create your reality, including relationships, through stories you tell. If that’s true, and it is, you can guess how this new relationship went…

The honeymoon ended…quick

In session, Jeffrey shared things he liked about this person. Let’s call her “Alice”. He liked her extreme femininity. He adored how passable she looked. She said all the right things in text messages and phone calls. She had good employment as he does. Alice also enjoyed having and using her penis.

Needless to say, right away, they connected. And of course they would – they were a perfect match! Especially they’re stories!

Jeffrey raved about hours and hours they spent on phone calls and text message conversations. Such conversations became hours-long video calls. “We have to plan when we talk to each other because our talks last so long,” he once said excitedly.

Video calls turned into an in-person meetup. Alice and Jeffrey both felt excited. Jeffrey talked about it the session before they met.

While their date approached, Jeffrey felt insecurities surface. Valiantly he used what he learned in his sessions, which allowed Jeffrey a nice win:

^^Jeffrey using what he learned in his sessions to soothe negative stories.

Pain and drama: been there, done that

Then Jeffrey came to the session after his date excited and happy. It went very well. Too well, some might say. Instead of taking it slow, both he and Alice “went all in”, literally staying in the hotel room the entire weekend having sex.

Both reported enjoying their time together, according to Jeffrey. But not long after that eventful weekend, insecurities born of negative stories in both parties surfaced. Despite the reported wonderful time both enjoyed, their insecurities caused Jeffrey and Alice to interpret the weekend anew. It sounded like a different weekend altogether!

Alice accused Jeffrey of using her. Jeffrey worried out loud about Alice’s drinking and her tendency to try to force Jeffrey to drink more than he wanted. Alice felt Jeffrey judged her the whole weekend. Jeffrey felt angered because Alice at first put him on a pedestal but now had kicked that pedestal out from under him.

Jeffrey went even further in his worries. He wondered if her drinking and her blistering critique of certain American populations indicated a potential relationship red flag. Alice went further too, by blaming Jeffrey for taking time away from her GED studies!

In other words, both parties shared similar and complimentary negative stories. Stories which triggered negative interpretations about the other party. The honeymoon: over before it began.

Wonder what a perfect match looks like when a person doesn’t attend to their negative stories? Here you go:

^^Jeffrey doubling down on disempowering stories. Stories about himself, about transgender women, and about Alice.

It gets worse before it gets better

Days later, Jeffrey wanted to cancel his session. Things turned worse for him and for he and Alice. The unraveling relationship triggered other stories Jeffrey has about himself and relationships, stories he thought he resolved long ago. I encouraged continuing with the session knowing it would do him good.

^^Jeffrey wanting to bail, then realizing a new approach.

Jeffrey didn’t realize it, but this experience offered tons of opportunity. Hopefully you see the opportunity. Not only did his relationship show him how his stories created the match he experienced with Alice, it also surfaced other stories he has about himself. Stories he absolutely MUST change if he wants a relationship that lasts.

We touched on this in our next text exchange:

Not long after this exchange, the after our session, Jeffrey’s mood improved. Out of that improvement he saw more clearly how his stories created everything he experienced. I wasn’t shocked, but at the same time I was. Here he had a roller coaster relationship, lasting less than a month and he learned so much.

Weeks after Alice and Jeffrey stopped talking altogether, Jeffrey confided that he would no longer use dating websites. He also resolved to double down on his practice through The Transamorous Network. This experience, he said, showed him with no doubt how his persistent stories created everything he experienced with Alice. He also saw how her stories did the same for her and how both their stories created their mutual experience.

Moving forward in his power

Today Jeffrey confidently comes to each session transformed. He’s more upfront and clear about his stories, especially about what he enjoys and what he wants in a relationship. This clarity also spills into his other life areas, just as we promise the work does.

The Transamorous Network invites people to look at a new way of creating their relationships. That new way includes more power and capability than doing it the way everyone else does.

But this new way works on all life areas, not just on relationships. That’s why clients report their entire lives get better in addition to getting new perspectives on relationships they want. Impatience disappears and in its place comes certainty, self-love and clarity about one’s power in life.

From there, and only there, can someone create a relationship worth having. That’s what we want for all trans-attracted men and transgender women. For in transforming what’s possible for these two groups in the realm of relationships, entire lives also transforms for the better.

This is what we guarantee and this is what clients get. Having that includes, of course, finding one’s perfect match easily and effortlessly.

The best way to get that great relationship is by first having a great relationship with yourself. Get that and everything else falls in place.