#I’ll post the ‘clean’ version if ppl want it

[blue-dissolve]

I coulda just done a redraw of the meme I saw, but noooo~

(insp under cut)

[lonelypersonhere]

thought i should try an intro post? i guess?

i don’t really know how to do this and I’m already sorry for the ramblings that are about to ensue because I’m awkward and ramble and don’t know how to format this hehheh..

this was going to be my first post to get me out of my shell and force myself to actually post things, but i ended up posting and getting out there before i got the courage to post this sooo...

some basic info i guess

I’ve been going by lonely on here i guess? so call me (i say that like ppl be talking ab me lol) either that or or Micah cause i totally wish that was my name and want to go by that :/

my pronouns page :)

lmk if you want to be tagged on games and i will try to remember lol

use the first two tags of this post to see posts i made, and asks i answered/ ask requests :P

 i use she/they pronouns (I’m also leaning towards adding he, but i don’t really like hearing it online i don’t think?)

I’m nonbinary, demi, omniromantic, and aceflux.

i have anxiety, adhd, self diagnosed autism, and all the little things that come with those like misophonia, tinnitus, rsd, yk how it is.

My finch code is BSVLVJKTKN and my birbs name is Milo; if anyone wants to add me, you can lmk if you do but you don’t have to idk how to use it but my discord is also lonelypersonhere

my hobbies and interests

my favorite color is green, i like drawing, journaling, reading, gaming, swimming, and writing (getting more used to the idea of it bc i used to hate writing). I have lots of collections of things like squishmallows, all kinds of frog and turtle things, books, video games....

authors and books

this will be a lot (and mostly young books bc i hate change and love nostalgia)

i also haven't been reading as much the past few years, got that gifted kid syndrome burnout (heh 😅)

Rick Riordan, Erin Hunter (it’s the nostalgia, i can’t help it), Wendy Mass, John Green, Dean Koontz, all the dystopian books like Divergent, The Hunger Games, The Maze Runner (and the Thirteenth Reality also by James Dashner)

My favorite book is definitely The Song of Achilles with They Both Die at the End as a close second (apparently I like pain).

I’m don’t really know a name for what genre I most like but, fantasy, dystopia, and adventure pretty much sums it up I guess. I recently got into anime and now I can’t enjoy watching real people the same any more lol. Also if something I list has a book/movie counterpart that counts too, except for manga because I haven’t gotten into that yet(except for a few). I’m going to try to stick to my top three-ish favorites and not to list literally everything I’ve ever seen so here we go I guess (I say I guess a lot don’t I?)

movies

Bridge to Terabithia (was my go to for favorite movie as a kid) and Ghibli movies; specifically with Howl’s Moving Castle and Princess Mononoke being my favorite movies 

tv shows

Sherlock, Anne with an E, and The Originals are probably my favorite (real people) shows and Hunter X Hunter, Attack on Titan, Fruits Basket, and Erased are my top anime shows (I haven’t seen that many but these are amazing).

Ok, I’m so sorry to anyone that actually read this heh. This post stayed in drafts jail and endured lots of editing before I got the courage to post it sooo if you’re seeing this that’s a victory for me lol. i think i will make a cleaned up version of this? and also add the tags i use for filtering yeah? Ok I’ll stop talking now bye.....

[wherelanguage-ends]

Sorry to bring up the B and P issue, but imo BoC should also come clean and clarify on the topic that is the 4 minutes series. We should not forget that the first accusation P made against B was regarding plagiarism of a supposed series she was writing. Then there is a phone call recording in which P accusses B repeatedly of sharing the plot of her series with B*C and with the writer Sammon and B repeats that he didnt do that while crying, asking her please to believe him, and then she asks him for money as compensation. Back then the company not only did not defend B, but only recently the ceo said that it had been all coincidence and that P had made a mistake and it was solved, yet no apology to B was ever made. I think there are more issues and ppl involved in this mess that we're led to believe.

So I’ll be honest anon, when I got your ask I wasn’t sure if I would answer it or not, partly because most of the time when it’s come to this situation I tend to either have emotional outbursts on my blog that go untagged(as in not in the main tag) or the occasional tags under a post as I try to process information(this is one of those times it’s always best to listen to what experts or survivors have to say before formulating your own opinion) Plus talking about this issue when Build himself posted a statement saying he’d like to move on seemed pointless, cause it would be more speculation and theorising.

But fuck it I say, since Pond clearly wants to share his side that nobody asked for?

Going to put the rest under read more.

When this whole thing started I wasn’t really active on Twitter or following any of the going ons on there so correct me if I’m wrong but initially I thought BOC truly had nothing to do with this situation. Sure it’s weird that a former/current writer was accusing their newly contracted writer of stealing her idea by way of an actor in the company and the company itself says nothing but hey Build’s the one who decided to address the situation all on his own. I am not blaming him we clearly know now why he did that at the fan event. Add to this already messy situation the fact that former writer and actor were in a relationship that apparently was abusive, I wouldn’t have blamed BOC for wanting to separate themselves from this entirely even if it started with plagiarism charges.

But they never did that did they? Now Pond’s adding an IG story saying he knew about things from the start? Like what? The abuse charges were fake? The pregnancy was fake? It’s true as he says you can’t know what’s the truth when you’re outsiders but based on what Pond did know how was the press conference a good idea? How is his posting that statement now even helpful to the situation?

Why the both sides argument back then and even now? Poi went on a complete rampage trying to ruin the reputation of a man because he wanted to break up with her and now we’re just supposed to accept it was a messy break up? I know many have commented and explained what toxic relationships can be like , keeping that in mind: What happened to Build’s charges of compelled to act and extortion? His saying that she forced him to stay in the relationship using his career as leverage? That just doesn’t seem like they were equally at fault?

Yeah there are more people involved in this issue and we’ll never know what and who but what the hell is the CEO thinking when he does what he does? I can’t tell if this is his version of ‘oh look at us, we’re such a transparent and honest company’ or what.

As for the thing with Dr. Sammon and everything else. She’s seems to be an industry veteran with multiple projects to her name. So she would know how to handle the situation best and if she doesn’t want an apology or further clarification then so be it. Same goes for any apologies owed to Build. If he deems a public apology necessary he’ll ask for it.

Honestly don’t know if this is what you were going for when you sent the ask but sorry this is what I have.

[psychoticwillgraham]

more worldbuilding for my original universe and the whole ‘drag family hierarchy’ in it, will have a part 2

ok so now that I’ve thought more about my original universe, here’s some more details (if these posts annoy yall then im sorry but I rlly wanna develop my original stuff)

the drag hierarchy

ok so in terms of the universe, each layer of the afterlife is governed by drag families (in this universe, pretty much everyone is at least a little bit queer except for one completely cishet guy which I’ll talk about later)

there’s at least four that I have named so far. these are just for heaven, purgatory, and hell so far. the actual universe (aka my versions of the old gods) has its own family that im working on. also, these names are all placeholders for now

the children of Dionysus: the ones in charge of hell. named after Dionysus bc they live by his motto of hedonistic pleasures to the logical extreme. their motto is ‘live life deliciously.’ john (the devil) is the head honcho in this one and ambrosia is second in command, his right hand man. there’s at least four others that I have basic outlines for, and there’s probably gonna be more bc since this is a general universe, they’re all gonna be fully developed on their own for their own self contained series’.

the children of Athena: basically my version of Valkyries, who rule heaven. angels are included in the family and serve under them.

the children of Hermes: purgatory’s ruling family.

general stuff

most of these afterlife ppl are either drag performers or just queer in general

there’s the ‘token cishet’ guy as a reference to the ‘token gay’ character. he’s actually a very important part of purgatory as its caretaker and is a stereotypical Missouri redneck but incredibly sweet and literally THE ally of all time. he’s also a lumberjack just bc I want him to be

god, the devil and the ruler of purgatory aren’t the highest powers, those are the old gods of the universe. these three are just figureheads of sorts for the afterlife

this whole universe was basically abandoned by the True God, the actual creator. when it made the universe, it created the families of the three Celestial Planes: heaven, purgatory and hell to oversee the order and balance of its creation. they were all made with specific tasks in mind:

the heavenly family dispenses justice as they see fit (and the requirements for heaven and their moral compass on which to judge the living are solely dictated by the head being in charge, the main child)

the family of purgatory is meant to provide a peaceful and welcoming environment for the wayward souls who are just starting their journey and those who choose to stay

The family of hell is meant to dispense punishment based on the devil’s moral compass and how he sees fit, and create punishments and manage the sections

earth is just left to the whims of the individual political leaders of every country, the other three just clean up after them after people die.

yes, the families and their whole roster of children can influence everyday people and political leaders to do either horrible or amazing things, and heaven and hell are obviously locked in an eternal struggle to maintain their presence and influence on earth. purgatory’s family tries to influence good things and gives people hope while hell is focused on destruction and heaven is blinded by the pursuit of justice, and they’re the true power the keeps hope alive and keeps humanity from giving up.

[t4tlawlight]

Occam's razor is the principle that, of two explanations that account for all the facts, the simpler one is more likely to be correct.

this post is going to cover traits specific to the manga and the television drama, since those are the best adaptations to showcase L’s autism. THIS POST is required reading before you read anything i’m about to type, because it explains what kind of character niche L falls into--an unintentionally autistic coded character. i’ll talk more about that at the end.

i’m going to talk about manga L first, since he’s the original version after all. i’m going to go in order of physical traits, to behavioral, to his character writing. also, tumblr eats posts that have outside links, so i’m going to have my non-tumblr sources in a separate post, here.

anyways, more under the cut!

MANGA/ANIME:

sitting with his legs up and spine bent / sitting on the floor

this is such a big one and its extremely common in ppl with autism. sitting in chairs normally is uncomfortable to outright painful w many ppl with these disorders, myself included. L sitting like that (which, to recall, is a blatant homage to sherlock holmes, another character that is so blatantly autistic coded you can find absolutely ridiculous amounts of writing on the topic) and being like "I HAVE TO SIT LIKE THIS TO THINK PROPERLY" is so autistic. like sitting in a certain way to give you specific sensory stimulus/avoid distracting discomfort and pain is a thing. i found this post (1) written by an autistic person on the topic of sitting in chairs being uncomfortable, and it says as much:

“I suspect that seating discomfort is common in autism (though by no means limited to autistic people). Many of us, particularly as children, benefit greatly from chairs designed to be non-stationary: rocking chairs, “fidget” chairs, and so forth. These can improve focus, compensate for proprioceptive hypo-sensitivity, and alleviate restlessness. In short, many “attention issues” can be fixed simply by providing a little motion for the person sitting. Small change, huge results. That's what accommodations do at their best. They make (often minor) adjustments that have profound impacts.”

so when L says that sitting the way he does, for a specific sensory experience, improves his ability to think, it’s perfectly in line with this idea. Also it’s a good pressure stim.

standing with a slouch / shifting his weight around

to begin: yes! it’s very common for autistic people to stand or walk oddly for a number of different reasons, from physical comorbidity to other issues such as dyspraxia (see: movie L). From an article by YAI (2), an I/DD (intellectual and/or developmental disabilities) community program:

“Kyphosis (a curved spine), collapsed chest, dropped shoulders and even scoliosis are observed in many of our patients. These myriad of postural issues may result from reduced strength, decreased biomechanical stability, or from a sensory impairment, such as apraxia. 

Depending on the scene, L has mild to severe kyphosis which is very common in autistic individuals. Other things mentioned in that article if you want to click on it is instability in standing, where you sort of shift your weight around a lot between your  feet or rest all of your weight on one foot, which L is literally doing the first time we see all of him.

speaking with a monotone voice.

i obviously can’t show a picture for this one and it honestly depends on the voice actor you find for L, but in the anime in particular L has a very flat tone. a lot of this is bc he has a dry sense of humor but. just know that it’s very common for autistic people to have a flat affect (or go the other way into being too loud/emotive).

his eating habits. 

a lot (a LOT) of autistic ppl myself included can only eat certain kinds of food for texture and flavor reasons. HOWEVER there’s a term in the autism community called “samefoods” which is really well put by tumblr users candidlyautistic and autism-asks: 

“Samefoods or samefooding is a community word to describe the autistic trait of eating the same food over, and over and over . . . It is part sensory, part routine driven in most cases. A lot of times we samefood because we need that particular mouthfeel / texture / taste, and a lot of times even after that need passes, it turns into a need for routine until you actively dislike that food again.”

“Samefooding on the other hand is closer to a special interest. When I have a samefood (chocolate ice cream, currently), I really, really want that food. I could eat that food endlessly and not get tired of it. I will get upset if I’m not able to have the food in a day. For me, it usually is kind of routine based as well. For instance, with my current samefood, I have some in the evenings and it’s become part of how I wind down from my day.”

we don’t know exactly why L specifically desires sweet food or if he considers it part of his routine, but what we do know is that he really wants to eat sweet food and avoids eating anything other than sweet food, so it could either be that he’s a picky eater and can’t handle savory or he’s samefooding on sweets!

wearing the same clothes

L wears the same clothes every single day. It’s also worth noting that what he does wear is baggy, too-big clothing, the kind that wouldn’t be tight and uncomfortable. once again, sensory issues are a huge thing for autistic individuals. one of my favorite aspects is that in no adaptation does he wear socks. even L wears shoes, he wears them like slippers, not putting them on all the way. people comment that he seems like he’s poor, but we know for a fact that he’s very rich and that wearing these clothes is a personal choice he made.

not caring for himself/outsourcing his self-care

i don’t think one day is exactly canon, rather it’s an exaggeration of what might actually happen--i.e. L doesn’t have a huge closet full of the same outfit, but he does have several versions of the same outfit on rotation; L doesn’t use a human washing machine, but Watari might help him/encourage him to bathe regularly. One Day is a parody comic, but it was made by the creators for a reason and that reason is that L pretty obviously relies on a caretaker (Watari) for his personal needs. Watari, in the manga proper, cooks and cleans and does most things for L. we’ll come back to this topic when we get to the drama though.

doing stimming behaviors

if you don’t know what stimming is, it refers to self-stimulating behaviors, usually involving repetitive movements or sounds. everyone stims to some extent, but in autism it tends to be more obvious, go on for longer, and sometimes be more disruptive to others. it’s often used to help deal with sensory overload, or used to express feelings--think of an autistic person being happy and flapping their hands in the air.

there are a LOT of instances of L displaying stimming behavior, from stacking his food or things on his desk, to spinning in his chair, to biting his fingers/using them to press on his lips, to wriggling and tapping his toes. here are some specific instances:

there are a lot more. i’ll talk about more when we get to dramaverse, but if you rewatch/reread death note it’s definitely worth noting whenever L does something like this!

detective work as a special interest

ok, first and foremost i want to establish what a special interest is. Tumblr user cartoon has my favorite explanation of what a special interest is that i’ve seen to date: 

“To have a deep, intense, passionate and incredibly focused / narrowed interest in a certain area of study, subject, topic or thing - to the exclusion of other interests. This interest is something that exists for the long-term, most often lasting for multiple months, years, or even you’re entire life “

L says that he only does detective work because it’s a hobby, and he finds it entertaining. We’ve also seen that he’s been at it for quite some time--if you take side content (the wammy’s house comic, LABB) seriously, then he’s been at it since childhood, with unwavering interest. it definitely comes across to me as L having a special interest in detective work, rather than it just being a normal hobby or a job for him, especially since he says it isn’t out of any moral obligation.

germaphobia

Germaphobia is very common for individuals with autism. a lot of the time it’s actually sensory issues associated with “dirty” things, and a lot of the time it’s because features of OCD are heavily comorbid with autism, including contamination OCD and such fears. regardless of the reason, though, L’s aversion to touching Bad Things is a very autistic behavior, and so is his resulting quirk that he tends to hold things in a very odd manner!

muted emotional expression

this is getting more into L’s character, but L tends to feel and express emotions in a very muted way. not to say he doesn’t have them, but for instance in the example above, L doesn’t have a solid grasp on what exactly he’s feeling. he thinks he might be acting irrationally and overemotionally because he logically should be afraid, but he isn’t sure, and none of these emotions present themselves visibly. 

i’ve also seen it said that Ukita’s death is another good example of his muted response to emotion--he tells Aizawa to stay rational and his voice doesn’t waver as he tells him as much, but he holds himself tightly. for someone with poor emotional competence, these physical signs of distress can be hard to read in oneself, but Aizawa (a man who is extremely in-tune with his emotions) can tell immediately.

high logic, low empathy

L is also a character who, like many autistic people, lacks a certain degree of empathy. it’s not that he doesn’t have any, but it’s limited enough--and he values logic over it enough--that he’s willing to make extreme decisions and take a “ends justify the means” approach (such as using people as bait.) in the example above, L takes a moment to work through what it must actually feel like, which rings as very autistic.

bluntness/not caring about social convention

there are so many examples of this i honestly could list them all day, but L is a character who is very to-the-point and doesn’t care about mincing his words. he can be outright rude to the people around him, especially if he considers them not worth basic courtesy. see: Matsuda. 

DRAMAVERSE

if you all knew me you should have known this section is inevitable. i’m not going to talk about every single adaptation because i do not have the time and the only other adaptation that is meaningful in that regard is the movieverse (i am fairly certain that movie L is dyspraxic) but on account of the fact that i don’t care about them i won’t subject you all to them here.

anyway, drama L shows much the same traits as animanga L above (they are, after all, technically the same character) but he displays them in different ways. 

he has a much more advanced degree of germaphobia, with Watari saying he’s sensitive to outside air and spraying everyone who enters his space with disinfectant, but not making them wash their hands or anything like that, so we can kind of tell that his issues are more rooted, again, in a fear of germs rather than any actual medical issue. he wants to feel as though he is clean, not necessarily actually be clean. this is very common in contamination OCD, which has a high comorbidity with autism. (my girlfriend has a very good headcanon post about drama L and OCD that isn’t so much analysis than just plain fun, but it’s worth a read!)

he stims, but he has a different array of stims than animanga L--he chews on his jelly pouch bottles, 

he tosses it between his hands, 

he kicks his feet,

and he bounces in his chair.

he still sits in an unconventional manner. he still samefoods, this time even more exclusively--he only eats Lucky Charge jelly pouches and nutritional bars. Watari onscreen puts his shirts on for him, as well as cooking, cleaning, and mending his clothes for him.

however, there are a few traits that are drama-exclusive that i think really add to an analysis of his autism!

social scripting

social scripting and echolalic scripting are both commonly described as “scripting,” but are very different! echolalic scripting is like echolalia, but echolalic scripting is the recitation of longer passages of dialogue from things the individual has heard before. but social scripting is when you memorize common conversations so you can rattle it off without worrying too much! this can be very handy, such as exchanging basic pleasantries or ordering food, but it can also backfire if someone responds in a way your script’s not set up for. you can find more information on the difference in this video (3). 

now, this relates to L in that there are two separate scenes where L says the same thing, rather inappropriately:

L: When I consider Kira’s personality, could it be that the strong-willed daughter is Kira? Or could that sweet-looking son of yours surprise us by proving to be him? You never know what humans are hiding beneath the surface... Soichiro: Enough. L: Sorry. It was just a joke.

-- Episode 2

L: Light-kun. Oh, I’m sorry... If I called you “Yagami-san,” it would be the same as what I call your father.  Light: That’s okay. Call me whatever you want. L: Then what about Kira? (silence) L: It's a joke.

-- Episode 4

one could say that L just has a terrible sense of humor--and, of course, having a poor grasp of humor is common with autistic individuals--but the fact that he says nearly the same thing as a defense twice makes me feel as though he has it rehearsed as a defense when people react poorly to things he’s said, which happens often.

mirroring and echolalia

echolalia was briefly covered in the previous example, but for those unaware, via wikipedia (4):

Echolalia is the unsolicited repetition of vocalizations made by another person (when repeated by the same person, it is called palilalia). In its profound form it is automatic and effortless.

mirroring, on the other hand, is explained as such, also via wikipedia (5):

Mirroring is the behavior in which one person unconsciously imitates the gesture, speech pattern, or attitude of another. Mirroring often occurs in social situations, particularly in the company of close friends or family. The concept often affects other individuals' notions about the individual that is exhibiting mirroring behaviors, which can lead to the individual building rapport with others.

both of these are very common in autism, and they’re exemplified while L’s character is established watching his favorite TV show, Owarai Paradise. On one occasion, he’s watching the show and this dialogue happens:

Hiroshi: Despite never telling her how I felt, I still got dumped. I am Hiroshi.  Watari: Who was this one again? L: He is Hiroshi. Hiroshi: I am Hiroshi. I am Hiroshi.

-- Episode 2

it’s important to note that in Japanese, “He is Hiroshi” and “I am Hiroshi” are said, at least in this instance, exactly the same, so L is echoing precisely what he’s heard.

On another occasion, L is again watching the show with a glass of wine (seemingly acquired simply to imitate the characters onscreen, as he never drinks it) and when the characters onscreen toast their glasses, L does the same, mirroring them. 

CONCLUSION

I linked a post at the very beginning of this analysis talking about how characters are unintentionally autistic coded, and it’s important to understand how this unintentional coding is different from a headcanon--i didn’t make up these traits. they aren’t something that only exist in my head that i ascribe to L for fun. 

i made this analysis both because i wanted to share L’s autistic coding in one cohesive place, because plenty of people have made lists before, but none that i could find that included so many examples with images and explanations--and i also made it because of the old ryuzaki persona “theory.” 

for those unaware, the ryuzaki persona headcanon suggests that L faked all of these traits in order to make people uncomfortable, to put them off-guard and better mask his identity. i’ve seen posts about people claiming that nobody could actually behave in these ways, that L would surely be unhappy and uncomfortable sitting like that, or eating like that, or engaging in any of these behaviors. I’ve seen some people outright say that L isn’t autistic, but his persona is--that is, he’s pretending to be autistic.

i named this essay “occam’s razor” because, to me, L being autistic is the simplest answer to account for all of these traits. claiming that an autistic coded character is faking it is ableist and it just doesn’t make sense with anything else we know about his character.

but if you want to know more about that, i recommend reading eyecicles’ first!L tag. it’s debunked it in more ways than i ever could.

anyways, in conclusion

[iraprince]

Your mental illness comics have really meant a lot to me since I saw one of your first ones about trauma. They flow really well and just the layout is very visually pleasing. Any advice for someone who wants to get into drawing comics as well?

first of all, thank u, it means a lot to me that you’ve been able to connect w my stuff.

as for the actual question — man, that’s broad, and it’s hard to think of a cohesive, useful answer. the first thing that comes to mind is something you’ve probably heard a lot abt any creative thing, which is: if u want to make comics, read comics. tons of em. and try to read them with study in mind, try to be picking them apart and asking yourself questions about how they work: how does the artist control the pacing/control how quickly or slowly you read certain lines? (the evocation of time and the control of pace is one of the most important, but most invisible parts of comics). how do they lead your eye around the page in the correct order and stop you from getting confused? why is this story being told as a comic instead of a short story, an animation, an illustration? what does a comic offer that other mediums don’t, and how do these artists use those unique things? what limitations has the medium of comics imposed on this story, and why don’t those limitations get in the way of what these artists are trying to do? when you’re asking these questions as you read, you might find your answer is a big giant “i have no fucking idea,” which is fine, bc you’re trying to dig all of that up so you can learn.

but if all that gets overwhelming the good news is you’ll absorb useful stuff about how comics work even if you’re not picking them apart like that, so read tons of them anyway just for fun even when you don’t feel like asking all those questions. i think it’s probably obvious that my work the past two years has been heavily influenced by kabi nagata (my lesbian experience with loneliness, my solo exchange diary) but i never read her stuff with that kind of study mindset the way i study other stuff; i think she just resonated w me and i absorbed a lot of it and it comes out in some of the quirks in how i draw faces and use visual metaphor, etc. so at the end of the day no matter how methodical or casual you are about it something will always rub off.

another piece of advice you’ve probably heard a ton, but i’m repeating it bc it’s true: just start, and try not to get too caught up in the concept of polish. some of the work i like the best (and that ppl have responded to the most, not that that should be ur primary metric on judging if a comic is “good” but like, it means a lot to me) have been really rough, scribbly things with crappy lettering and wobbly frames, and an idea that you managed to get out on paper even if it’s rough and unpolished and kind of crappy is still worth more than an idea you’ve been sitting on for two years in the back of your head bc you can’t find time to do a really nice clean polished version, or bc you’re scared to start bc u think you’re not good enough at drawing yet. you will learn MUCH more by doing, and these ideas do you more good drawn out on paper than sitting in your head, even if a few years from now you think you’ll look at them and find the execution cringe or whatever.

final note, which is specifically about creating mental health related work and sharing it online. not all vent art is cathartic. not all vent art is healing. it’s easy to feel like ANYTHING you do must be helpful, no matter how raw and sensitive and personal it is — because you’re “getting it out,” right? but it took me much, much too long to learn that for my own health and safety i had to filter what i created and posted, and with the way that mental health stuff tends to circulate bc it’s Relatable etc, it is really really easy to start feeling EXTREMELY weird about getting feedback on depictions of yourself in pain. to have depictions of your pain get “popular.” to have depictions of your pain go viral, as they have for me a few times. in the past i have not had enough boundaries, i felt like “people like when i rip my guts out and show it to them so that’s my value, that’s what people want to see, that’s Good Art — if i heal up this hole and i can’t show people my guts anymore i’ll be nothing.” i didn’t think that was what was going on in my head, but it was. i wish i had been more thoughtful abt what i shared of myself. now, even the work i post that seems very raw and very personal has been filtered. i have asked myself very honestly “are you okay with strangers seeing this? are you okay with strangers reblogging this and saying ‘this is so me?’ are you okay with people projecting on this? will this make you feel upset or violated?” about every single thing i make, before i post it, and there’s a lot of stuff i decide to keep to myself. if you intend to make mental health work, PLEASE ask yourself these questions along the way, instead of finding out after you post stuff and it unexpectedly gets a lot of notes that it’s hard for you to handle. you can’t control how people respond to your work, you can only control WHICH work you decide to post, and sometimes you don’t know how you’ll feel about sharing this stuff until you’ve done it. i really hope this doesn’t come off as discouraging bc i don’t MEAN to discourage ppl from making art abt mental health — i wouldn’t still be doing it if i didn’t find it healing and meaningful, the way that i do it now. but it can get weird FAST, in ways i feel like i don’t see a lot of discussion about, so when ppl ask me for advice bc they like my comics i wouldn’t feel right just saying “yeah it’s great!!! go have fun!!” without mentioning that my relationship to my art and to the public side of it can often be tumultuous. just always be attentive to yourself and put boundaries and healing, constructive interactions with art first. SORRY FOR TEXTWALL LOL

[locktobre]

How would you change DA? I feel like I saw a post of yours mentioning that you wanted to change it but I can’t find any actual post saying how you’d change it lol but I’m on tumblr mobile and I know this app glitches more often than not

I actually made a post saying I’d make a post and then completely forgot about it lol that happens to me a lot... But! Since you asked, I’ll go ahead and talk about it now.

My biggest issue with DA is the constant shenanigans making everything feel shallow. It’s just far too silly for me, and while I know I’m far outside of the target audience, I still think it’s very poor writing.

So, here’s what I would do, if I kept the main characters the same (that is, the Roberts family, Ken, Teresa, Nikki, Renee, and Daisy), as well as the basic premise of “This is Barbie’s life.” I’m not going to talk about how I would change individual episodes, since I’m basically starting over from scratch, here.

Starting at home:

I’d keep Margaret as an engineer, bc I really do like that for her.

I’d drop George as a “documentary filmmaker” and have him be a stay-at-home dad. I might bring back a detail from the early vlogs and have him be a writer, maybe working from home, but yeah, he’s the one taking care of the pets and packing lunches and keeping the house clean.

They’ve got Blissa leash-trained and she goes on walks with the puppies.

(If any of the puppies/Blissa escaped the house, it would be played for drama, not shenanigans.)

I might give them a catio for Blissa, since they started off series after remodeling their house, and they went all out on literally everything else, so why not?

If I was going to really have my way, they would only have done modest remodeling, not gone full-on ugly modern smart house.

Regardless, Skipper and Stacie must have their own bedrooms.

Barbie is a junior coach for Stacie’s soccer team. She’s going to spend time with all of her sisters, dammit!

She does something with Chelsea. Chelsea has a lot of interests, so she could do a lot of things with her. Maybe they do different things? Like, their thing could be trying new things or going new places.

The Roberts are close with Carsons, for obvious reasons.

As much as I like Trey, I feel like it’s OOC for the Roberts to have a feud with their neighbors (and I said as much when the show first started), so I might drop the Reardons entirely, tbh. And in my idealized version, the Roberts family aren’t such colossal dicks that they would have neighbors feuding with them, since they, like, respect ppl’s property and aren’t always doing wacky shit for lulz.

Then again, I really like Trey, so maybe they’d stay neighbors, and maybe he’s annoying but not a total jerk. (There’s a difference!) Like they could still ride together at the barn and ice skate together even if Trey insists that doing all of that doesn’t make them friends. (Yes, it does, Trey. Just open your heart to FRIENDSHIP.)

At school:

Barbie is in a bunch of extracurriculars, which provides a lot of interesting avenues for plots and friendship developments/dynamics.

She’s in an environmental club with Ken. They do beach clean-ups and collect trash in the parks and stuff like that. Also provides an opportunity for karbie moments.

She’s in a chemistry club with Teresa. They can do (safe) experiments and explain how it’s done, there can be some minor mishaps with things going wrong, stuff like that.

She’s in a fashion club with Nikki. They can make clothes together, do fashion shows, all that kind of stuff. But like, plot-relevant.

She plays basketball with Renee. They can show practices, games, how to deal with losing, all that kind of stuff.

She’s in a band with Daisy and Skipper. This keeps both of them musical, and keeps me from feeling like Daisy is taking Skipper’s musical spotlight. They could do gigs occasionally (school dances, parks, coffee shops), they could have an episode with creative infighting, they could focus on Skipper feeling like she’s being treated like a little kid when she’s trying to be Mature... A lot of things open up. Not to mention, having a good reason for them to sing.

So basically, Barbie’s busy 5 days a week, and has a lot of varied interests, so it makes sense for a lot of ppl to know her and even envy her, bc really, how does she do it all?

I’m not sure if I’d keep Tammy either, tbh. I’m not fond of bully characters, I think it’s detrimental to show bullying as no big deal... but also, kids need to learn about conflict resolution. Even so, sometimes there aren’t good ways to deal with bullies, so it’s really a double-edged sword.

If I kept Tammy--or Trey, for that matter--at least now, with the above, they’d have a real reason to be jealous of her being popular and well-liked, outside of her vlog. Bc she’d be an interesting and well-rounded person, instead of boring and fake.

I’d really tone down the social media angle, but there’d be an obligatory episode about like, an embarrassing picture/video being posted and how to deal with it. It’s inevitable nowadays, as much as that pains me.

An early episode would focus on a parents night at school, and we’d meet everyone’s parents.

Barbie and her friend group would have a homework club that rotates its meetings through their different houses, which is a perfect set-up to meeting any siblings the others have (since we already met their parents).

There would be occasional episodes where Barbie is either not there, or only there for like one scene (she’s sick, out of town, whatever), and we’d get to focus on one of her friends, instead. They’d get to feel like real people even when she’s not there, rather than feeling like they don’t exist when they’re not onscreen with her lol.

Overall, I just want it to feel like Barbie’s life is real and complete, and so is every character in it. Obviously, it’s fictional, and I’m not asking for anything super dramatic to happen, I just want it to feel like they care. I know Barbie is the star of the show, but I don’t want it to feel like everything revolves around her, bc they certainly promote it like it’s an ensemble show. But they don’t act like it at all and I just want to fix that. So I tried to think of a lot of ways to give different, varied plots. There are ways to do interesting things without it being super silly!

Anyway, if they want Barbie to feel grounded and real and like she gives good advice, they should write her that way, that’s all I’m saying.

[spellshite]

OKAY KIDDOS HAVE THIS OTHER BORDERLANDS SHITPOST BECAUSE

WHILE TRYING TO NOT ZONE TF OUT FOR THE NTH TIME, I REMEMBERED A THING MY BRAIN FARTED THE OTHER DAY (the “other day” is an undefined day between yesterday and the cretacean for me, so I’m sorry I have a shitty memory) AND I NEED TO GET IT OUT IN SOME WAY SO I’M HERE SCREAMING AT THE VOID THAT TUMBLR IS (even if sometimes the void screams back, but it’s random I guess).

AND NO TL;DR BC WE DIE LIKE MEN AND HONESTLY I DUNNO HOW TO SUM UP EVERYTHING SO IDK TRY TO SKIP DOWN AND SEE IF YOU UNDERSTAND WITHOUT ALL MY DIGRESSION, GOOD LUCK.

I’ll be merciful and put everything under the read more so I won’t clog anyone’s dash with this long post.

So, the other day I was cleaning up my computer from some really old crap I transferred when I copied most of the folders of my old laptop. Really old crap, some where like idk early 2000s? My first laptop is from 2007 and I used to transfer stuff from my parents’ pc to it and from it to my late laptop, but I’m digressing...

While cleaning up all the old shit farted by my cringey teenager self or whatever, I remembered a thing that happened around the era when I got that laptop.

So, idk, around 6 or 7 years ago. It could’ve been april 2013 or 2014, but it was april bc I was going to a comicon with my childhood friend and that usually took place in april...

AnYwAy. I remember my friend interrupting our chat to point me a person that was walking to the comicon and we both noticed that looked like...me. It was like looking at the myself from highschool. Same hair and hairstyle, same bodyshape, same type of clothes and colors that I used to wear back then. It was unsettling. But funny too? Y’know like that “how i met your mother” episodes where the gang found their doubles (Lily the stripper, Moustache Marshall, Ted the luchador, those episodes).

BUT ZU, WHAT THE HECK DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH BORDERLANDS?

Well, the brainfart I had was consequential to me remembering that and remembering that thing about the existence in the world of other people looking like you, i don’t remember the details but whatever.

The Borderlands-related brainfart is this:

If it’s true that in the world there could be other people looking like you (like in those HIMYM episodes and how I saw someone that looked like me back then at the con) what if something like that exists in the borderlands universe?

And my brain farted the TPS gang in a revised and “doppelgangered”(???) version. Like a sort of idk knock-off copy you get on Wish or Aliexpress.

At first it was only a sort of younger HJ lookalike, with some differences of course but still similar. Then my brainfart made him a group of friends and I completed the TPS gang or almost.

James, 27yr, from Dedalus (bc sounds similar to Tantalus, yes). Looks like a young Jack (soul patch included LOL) but with both eyes blue and with freckles, the personality is a mix between Tim’s and Jack’s ones. College dropout, likes studying but at his own terms. Works random odd jobs. Don’t call him Jimmy or he’ll get very angry. Call him John. John is a perfect name for an adult. Not Jimmy.

William, 34. a sort of young Wilhelm, but with no addiction to robotics and this one used to be in a cliché-y gang of bikers. now he owns a pub in the bad side of their town, in the free time likes to tinker with motorbikes and other stuff...says he’s out of the bad circles, but actually sometimes takes part in some illegal fighting rings to make extra money.

Nancy, 25yr: Nisha. but more cowgirl than shooter, and less violent. Her family owns a big farm not far from the town. James’ ex-girlfriend. She dumped him because idk man I didn’t think that deep.

Lena, 27yr: Athena’s lookalike. used to go to the same highschool as James, but then she joined the army because she wanted to demonstrate smth to her father or idk again i didn’t think too deep in this. or maybe family was all ppl from army so she went. idk. after army times she mets her future wife, Jane (that’s Janey, ofc)

If you want to treat yo self, let’s also add a copy for Timothy and we’ll have Thomas. Looks exactly like James, but has green eyes and the hair have more of a copper hue.

I thought to add a version of claptrap but then I went like “naaah whatever”. if you want one, idk if you want a robot or a noisy person or whatever. an half idea was that was an annoying person, maybe younger than the gang, a kid that tried to tag along with the others (like idk 11 while the others where around 16), that called himself Trapper (or Clap) bc wanted to be some kind of Dubstep DJ. OR DUNNO. whatever.

then uhhhhh my brain farted that they where a sort of group of rebellious kids, they played vault hunters or smth and they used an abandoned building as a base. then one day it got occupied by some squatters/bandits and they had to take it back. William the biker got “recruited” in their group in that time bc they needed someone actually strong and intimidating to smash the intruders away. put here and there some names of rooms of the “base” similar to names of Hyperion-related locations like idk hub of heroism or control core or bunker or whatever my dudes this is all random. and they finally where able to get it back. kept meeting in that place to chill and whatever, stopped when William’s ex-gang used him as a scapegoat (as a revenge for him leaving them) and he got stuck in jail for some years. and then idk there has been uni, Lena decided to go to army, Nancy had to spend more time at the farm after idk mother got sick? idk man. I dunno what kind of studies James could have followed before dropping out, maybe something tech-y to make him more of a HJ lookalike? And the twin, Thomas, I just added him while blabbering this brainfart so idk. Yeah, probably James/John did tech stuff but dropped out bc uni is shit and he wanted to learn when and how he wanted. and so he continued studying by himself while working here and there - that’s how he met again Wil, working at his bar - aaaand uhhhh.... after all the time, the “gang” never had gotten reunited and he decided to leave their planet hoping to get luck in finding a cool job with a nice pay on another planet and RUH-ROH-RAGGY [scooby-doo voice] someone idk who probably idk Atlas or directly VH or Crimson Raiders capture him thinking he’s another body-double that has survived like Timtam?

but James/John never had idea of what the fuck happened over there? like «idk man i am from dedalus, it’s not like the things happening over pandora reached there for more than short thing on the news channel.»

«at uni i had some friends telling me that i looked like a pandoran porn star and they kept calling me “tames pandora” and I was like wtf until during a pizza&movie night they made me watch that and i was like “you know what? you are right but still fuck you”»

AND I THINK THAT’S IT. this is it. i finally got out this crap out of my mind. yay.

Thank you for choosing to travel with the “what the fuck is in Zubat’s brain” line. Mind the gap between the train and the platform. You may need something for your upcoming headache.

[f1shtears]

sighs i rly wanted to get up actual full-bodied requests in the tag but @ this pt i don’t think that kind of thing is going to happen before opening tmrw (this post itself might even be too late) basically this is a v quick v badly described run down of all the request-esque things i’m looking for for certain characters 👀👀👀

blaise hwang (23 yrs old, lee taeyong) - a messy ass streamer house (they all live under the same roof in seattle, having their own rooms to stream from) probably do a lot of group streams, a lot of collabs, dumbass prank videos filmed exclusively for their group youtube channel (i dnt have a team name yet kill me) following every single trend & posting their own versions of them, posting memes in their group chats, etc. but i was thinking they could potentially be a lgbtq+ stream team on twitch ? (they all dnt have to belong to twitch & twitch exclusively btw - some could be youtubers, some could be tiktok, some could belong to multiple platforms - as long as they have some form of social media presence they could fit in this) n by messy i want past relationships, future flings, this person slept w/this person but then this person the next day, just !!! messy (i’m bad @ explaining i’m so sry) 

unnamed kim hyojong (i’m working on it i swear) (25-30 yrs old) - an ex/baby momma/future poly female basically needing the mother of hyojong’s daughter/son (haven’t decided which yet) there are some TRIGGER WARNINGS for this req (drug use/abuse/addiction mainly - as hyojong is a recovering addict) rn baby momma (wat i’ll call her for now) is dating someone new (anywhere from a yr or less) who’s rly good to her (not to say hyojong was horrible but obviously when he wasn’t sober he wasn’t him), who’s good for their kid/good w/them, but hyojong has been going on 1 or 2 yrs clean now (the longest he’s ever been clean) & mb things are reminding them of how things used to be between them (when he wasn’t as addicted as he ended up being - tbh u can have her have been using too or not, that’s completely up to u, but mb he did push or pressure her into trying some things w/him while he was high & she did them bc she was that stupid in love, didn’t think much of w/e drug it was) anyway, obviously feelings redevelop but she also still has feelings for her current partner & this is where we’re going to work things into a poly w/jace’s jung wooseok (currently unnamed) obviously some things we can all work out together but some fc ideas are: kim hyuna, lee siyeon, hirai momo, minatozaki sana, open to other suggestions/western fc suggestions too (if none of these r ur fancy) the only other thing solid abt her is that she should be close in age to hyojong (anywhere from 25-30) 

rehab group ? don’t rly have much in mind for this yet bc it’s literally sth i just thought of for him but just a big mess of ppl regularly going to a support group for recovering addicts (of drugs and/or alcohol) if anyone has any additional interesting ideas for sth like this def drop me a discord or tumblr dm/ask - obviously some can be recovering as long as hyojong (1-2yrs) but maybe some are ppl who are a week clean, come in & talk abt how they relapsed & did such & such drug again, rinse & repeat ? ppl who aren’t sober rn but still come for the support, those of them that are sponsors, etc. just a big mess of people needing the help & support & hopefully finding it in each other - mb a bit of a makeshift family for one another 🥺 

unnamed hwang hyunjin (again, i’m working on it cries) (19 or 20 yrs old) - adopted family v loosely based on netflix’s umbrella academy this one is harder to explain in a quick para but... essentially a rich couple adopting different ethnicity babies/children (would be adopted young) from around the world (a way to include diversity in the family so pls try not to double up on an ethnicity if possible [just bc i’m playing an asian ethnicity doesn’t mean other asian ethnicities can’t be included as well tho]) n while these children don’t have super powers (obviously) most of them r gifted (weren’t born that way but were given the opportunities [& pressures that come w/those] growing up) for ex: hyunjin is going to be an olympic lvl figure skater BUT i am looking for this family to have a klaus-esque character too (aka a total fuck-up - or so most their family thinks) someone who doesn’t try (mb they did @ 1 pt/showed they could do it if they tried but...) also thought abt the possibility of including the ‘ben’ TRIGGER WARNING suicide and/or suicide attempt - mb all the pressure rly got to 1 of the kids to the pt of them either committing suicide successfully, or if someone is interested in playing them, having attempted suicide (i know it’s not rly said wat’s happened to ben in the show but i saw a fan theory for this @ 1 pt) 

this family will either have 5 or 6 (if someone wants to make the ‘ben’) remaining spots (not including my character) pls keep in mind none of the other characters (besides the klaus/ben) have to resemble any characters from the show @ all (& the klaus/ben are able to be played differently from how they r in the show - u can completely take the char & do it up however ud like to, as long as the concept is similar) but if u want to resemble them slightly off a character feel free to, this req is rly just v loosely based on the family aspect of the show/them being ‘gifted’ - age range can be anywhere from 18-early 30s (give or take) 

drop me an add on discord sigh™duck#1141 or send me a dm/ask here on tumblr if ur interested in any of these requests !!! probably won’t have official site requests up for most of these for a little while 

[dancing-with-dichotomies]

Suggestions for a New and Improved Trio of Towns?

Hey guys! Been loving this game for a while but after seeing a bunch of new farm games coming out lately that I just don’t want, I’ll tell you what I DO really really want, and if I’m not too bold, what I think a lot of y’all would like too: A New and Improved Story of Seasons: Trio of Towns!

I have several suggestions for how to improve the gameplay in various ways.

First of all, a lot of improvements could be made to the recipe section of the game. I’ll try to make a separate post about it, but a lot of recipes are either wrong, missing ingredients, mislabeled in the wrong spots (such as fried foods being in the pot dishes section and that kind of thing) or otherwise there are recipes that seem like an “eastern” version that are labeled as originating from Westown, that sort of thing. Again, I’ll get into it further later, but the recipes section of TOT, although really fun and varied in it’s selections, it’s kind of a mess and could use some cleaning/extra translating.

Second, I’ve mentioned this before, but it would be interesting to have a “Matchmaking” feature for after marriage. Perhaps either instead of marrying or after marrying, you can choose to arrange or matchmake the other marriage candidates with each other, whoever you think fits cutest/has the best chemistry. Perhaps when someone has gone from being a friend to considering you a “best friend”, they’ll trust you enough to set them on a date with other people who are also “best friends” with you, and after a certain amount of dates they might even choose you to be the best man/maid of honor at their wedding?

Third! In addition to setting people up/getting people to fall in love, you know what else is fun? Watching people quarrel, PFT LOL!  XD Now hold on, hear me out -- At the beginning of TOT you gotta fix a bunch of stuff like bridges and shrines and such right? well what if the bridges you had to fix weren’t just literal, but the bridges of friendship between the towns? What if there’s DRAMA between the towns?? What if Megan gave Tototara some milk and now Tototara has a grudge against Megan, and Ginjiro gave Megan a fish dish and now she can’t stand to see him? Maybe Ginjiro has beef with Brad because of all the cheese he uses in his cooking? Showing examples of how to fix personal problems like this might be good for some shyer players, too. 

Fourth and finally, I think this would be a really neat idea personally -- A SUNDAY BEST option! I was thinking recently, isn’t it a shame that all those costume variants go to waste and aren't really used in the game? I love Kasumi’s green dress but her lavender option, I wish I could see her stroll around town in that one too~! And then I got to thinking, what if every Sunday in the game, all the characters wore their costume variants as their Sunday Best? After all, your character changes their clothes whenever they want, it’s a little odd that all the other characters never change right? I think this would be cool!

I plan on forwarding these suggestions later, but let me know if they sound like something you guys would like to see in a possible future reboot of the game too!

Edit: Ooh, one addition! Part time jobs! We should be able to get other ppl to do the jobs we don’t wanna do, like picking up doodoo! Why not, yer rich by the end of the game!

[karak9]

Another stupid long post about how I don't know my own fucking gender

This is honestly just copied and pasted from a yt comment I made on an older vid and I figured I'd share it here bc tumblr loves this shit I guess lol. God damn I've been questioning my gender for so long and ik rn im prob not still in the best position to be thinking about deep life shit like where I am mentally and im dealing with a lot in my life and also very insecure about potentially being trans bc a lot of my friends don't seem like they would be very accepting and my bf is only really into girls. I asked him how he would feel if I was nonbinary or looked like a boy and he just said he wasn't totally sure but he's only attracted to girls :c he's the sweetest bf in existence and im honestly so afraid of losing him, so aside from obviously not wanting to deal with all the other trans shit, I definitely hope im not trans bc I don't wanna lose him. Anyways, ill start with my childhood I guess. I was always super tomboyish. My older sisters (im the youngest sibling btw) were always p tomboyish so maybe I kinda got it from them but I kinda felt like I was more tomboyish than them? I felt like I was the most boyish girl I knew, like even meeting other tomboy girls in elementary school I felt like I couldn't really relate to them or like they couldnt relate to me enough idk. I also remember once making up a song about being like so tomboyish that I was basically a boy or something along those lines and sang it to my best friend at the time who I copied like all the fkin time (it honestly wasnt healthy lmao I didn't have good parents, also I think I started making up songs bc she did that and I wanted to like impress her), but she thought it was stupid and weird so I just forgot about it and moved on. I was embarrassed to even enjoy playing with dolls or play dress up games online and was determined to play masculine games like runescape (even tho I ended up doing girly shit in runescape anyways lmao) and considered myself one of the guys. In 5th grade when I started needing to wear a bra I absolutely didn't want to, tho some girls in my class thought it was weird I didn't wear a bra when they found out and that made me more insecure about it, but since then I've p much only worn sports bras. I have bought some more normal bras bc I wanted to look attractive in them for my SO or whatever but I still highly prefer my sports bras and can't stand wearing the other ones unless I have to bc my sports bras aren't clean lmfao. I always hated talking about genitalia and breasts n shit but that could just be bc of how I was raised and how my family was always so strict and such radical Christians and anything sex related was a sin, idk if its dysphoria or not. I've never rlly liked my chest and hated showing cleavage like so god damn much and still do but maybe that's the same thing or maybe I just want smaller boobs and that's it idk??? Like I'd want to appear to have a completely flat chest at least, idk if I'd want to actually like have a guy chest or not? Also huge issue with ppl seeing me naked or touching my boobs but again idk if that's gender related or just a normal issue I have. Tho I had a friend in high school (a girl, a very weird lewd girl) who would occasionally grope my chest randomly and it wasn't a huge issue but kinda made me uncomfortable and more aware of my chest. I really like when I wear big hoodies or when I lean over so my shirt kinda poofs out and it looks like I have a flat chest underneath. Though im not super uncomfortable with my boobs, like normally ill want nothing to do with them but I don't mind my SO touching them especially if they're really into it. I wouldn't say im rlly dysphoric about between my legs either, like yeah I think its weird and I hate monthlies and stuff but I think that's normal. I think if i woke up one day and had a dick I would be fine with it, I'd prob even enjoy it tbh lmao. I once had a dream that i was, well, a male dog like,,, ya know, with a female dog, and not to sound weird af (hey we were both dogs ok) but I think i kinda enjoyed it? I don't really remember any other dreams where I remember actually having a dick or feeling it but I've had several dreams as a male person, but p much all of them were like, I was seeing through a character's eyes or smth, not really that I was a guy, so idk if that's normal. I have the same dreams about being other girl characters, I'd say its split about 50/50. Because of this game community im in, a lot of ppl assume im a guy, and a lot of people still think im a guy and I haven't really bothered to correct them but idk if I find it more enjoyable bc its funny or if I enjoy not being referred to as female for once. I'll admit I feel most comfortable referred to as they/them, like without a doubt, if I could go by only 1 set of pronouns for the rest of my life it would be they/them. But ik that's not enough to call myself trans. I definitely wouldn't want to be 100% male. Like if I imagine myself as a grown man vs a grown woman id prob choose to be a woman. I don't like my voice but I think that's mostly just bc I sound 10 years younger than I actually am, and wouldn't really want a deep/masculine voice. Like a "tomboy" voice would be fine if that makes sense? I don't want facial hair or want to have a masculine body, I like that I have curves and soft skin and small hands. Personally I like my hair long bc its soft and people love it, but sometimes I kinda wish I had short hair and could pass as a boy. Like I'd wanna be a typical cute kpop boy ngl lmfao. I like the whole cute androgynous/feminine boy look and wish I could pull it off. Tho I also like really girly things sometimes and am okay being seen as a girl, i just want to be cute and attractive. Ik whether im trans or not I like being a mix of feminine and masculine, tho I admit in the past I've been kinda insecure bc I used to be super sure I was nb and thought me liking girly things and wanting to still havd long hair and wear girly clothes made me seem like "not trans enough" or whatever. But i guess here I am questioning myself again anyways. If I am nb, it sucks that ill never really be able to be openly myself and all but I've accepted by now that I kinda have to pick a binary and choose what I want to be seen as for the rest of my life, and im ok with being female. There are some things I dont like about my body whether they're really gender related or not but I can't afford to transition and wouldn't like most of the effects of T and am afraid of surgery and not sure I want top surgery enough to ever get it anyways, but I think if we lived in a perfect world and I could magically change my body at will and I wasnt afraid of judgment or being unattractive or whatever, I'd probably want to look androgynous and itd be cool to be able to change my genitalia at will lmao. If I had to choose 1 genitalia over the over I honestly have no idea what I'd choose but I have no desire to ever get bottom surgery, at the same time tho I honestly wanna someday get surgery or w/e to never be able to get pregnant. I just could not handle pregnancy or giving birth and I don't even like babies and breast feeding sounds awful so if I ever have kids they will be adopted 100% and most likely be older and like not newborn babies lmfao, babies are honestly so weird to me and they stink and cry and they're so fragile and im so afraid of like dropping them when I hold them lmao. But I like my nieces and nephews and I like being the cool aunt (is there a gender neutral version of aunt/uncle?) who lets them use my art supplies and helps them do fun stuff even if I get tired of them sometimes lol. Idk if that's gender related either but yeah I guess. This if kind of a more recent thing but I often say I'd make a great bf kinda as a joke bc of how I am in relationships like being the stereotypical sweet bf type who makes things for their partner a lot and wants to be their knight in shining armor and their protector and all that, but again prob not rlly trans related lmao just thought I'd throw that out there I guess. So when I was 17 was when I really started getting into trans stuff, prior to that I mostly just learned from my parents that trans ppl were "against god" and all that bs, and eventually started realizing lgbt+ isn't as bad as my family said and later realized I was bi. But anyways I met an agender person online when i was 17ish and I'd never heard it before and thought it was really interesting and asked them how you know you're agender bc after hearing their explanation of it i thought it described how I felt, but ofc they weren't transmed and just described it as being like a deep feeling or whatever and since then i started calling myself agender (and switched between a few labels but basically nonbinary) until my transmed friend told me I was ridiculous and that I wasn't trans, and honestly he was a huge dick but im a huge pushover lmao and I thought well he's trans so he must know what he's talking about, and though I felt discouraged about it I stopped calling myself nonbinary. Then I began questioning it again after not too long and basically since then I've been questioning my gender off and on. I'm now 22 and god I fucking hope im cis but also I feel like a part of me doesn't want to be cis if that makes sense?? Idk if that's because I don't like being a girl for some weird deep reason I don't know about despite being pretty sure I've gotten a lot of my feelings and their reasons behind them figured out, or if it's because I am trans and dont want to force myself to pretend im a girl 100% forever. At the very least, whatever the fuck my gender is, I want to continue going by they\them wherever I can and pretending to be a boy to strangers online and I'd love to cosplay male characters and bind and occasionally just dress masculine for the hell of it and probably wear sports bras for the rest of my life. I feel like in a way I cang possibly be trans because I can live with all of those things and be fairly comfortable still being seen as female for the rest of my life. But idk, I have bpd and other mental shit so sometimes im not great with my feelings (tho I do try really hard to identify all of my feelings/emotions and stuff) but at the same time bpd can cause weird identity shit so maybe its just a weird mix of a bunch of crap and im not actually trans but just weird and tomboyish enough to question my gender for 5 years and still be unsure. Also I know a lot of ppl suggest talking to a therapist/psychologist/whatever professional and trust me I would love to but I can't currently and am unsure when ill be able to bc they're expensive and I live in the middle of fucking nowhere so finding a decent therapist around where I live rn is going to be very difficult. Also, I have fucking crippling social anxiety lmao like I'd be so afraid to open up about this stuff even to a professional. So if anyone could suggest anything online that could help that would be amazing

[juunshua]

henlo! can u post a gif tutorial cause your gifs are so pretty and look amazing, even on mobile which messes up with everythjng 😆

ahh anon u flatter me!! thank you for your kind words!!! i honestly have ways to go, but it means a lot that u say this thank you 

so for starters i have a mac + photoshop cs5 so a lot of this tutorial will be based on what you do for that, but i’m sure u could do the same thing on pcs  (actually pcs have more programs available so i highly recommend, if u have a pc, finding a tutorial that is based around pcs) and other photoshop versions too! but i think the general process is still the same, a different tutorial might just be more nuanced^^

1. Finding/downloading your video~so for normal mp4 videos on youtube i use this website. it’s pretty useful it can download from actually a wide variety of sites like naver (up till 1080p!) ~for v app videos i use this site~ts files i find on kpopexciting or kpop24hrs (u need an account for kpop24hrs i think to download video but! signing up isnt difficult and its nothing fishy. i use it a lot esp for older ts files it has a good archive, kpopexciting tends to be faster though.)~the higher quality files you find the better! i find that it tends to go mp4~honestly finding the right high quality video is a HUGE part of making gifs look nice2. Extracting your video~there are many many many ways to extract your video but I highly recommend downloading avisynth! There are ways to download it for pc! avisynth is beautiful because it doesn’t really reduce the quality of your video to the extent that photoshop does, plus it can extract 60fps from ts files. some gifs ive made through avisynth ( x x x ) if you’re interested in avisynth further, tumblr user @/brandinator is a good place to start! if you want to know more regarding how to use it and a different tutorial through that, let me know! ~now i’m not sure if there is an avisynth tutorial for mac anymore, BUT theres another great program, vapoursynth, that mac users can look into. here’s a tutorial that i’ve found~Before I got avisynth I used VLC player for ts files but I had to basically screenshot each frame individually. Some gifs I’ve made through this method ( x x x ). these gifs are 60fps only bc i found a user who uploaded the ts file in 60fps. usually you cant get 60fps w/o avisynth. but this is also me saying that if you cant get avisynth or vapoursynth, there are still ways to work around it i think! one of my fav giffers for the longest time didnt use either!! and sharpening and coloring were always on point.~I think pcs can use kmplayer? id look into that if you have a pc~for normal mp4 videos I just use photoshops ‘import video frames to layers’ option (under file in the menubar)! you can use avisynth as well, but for me it takes forever to extract what i want in avisynth (minimum like a minute ish), whereas ps can get the part of the video i want to gif in a couple of seconds. I think it’s self explanatory but basically you find the video you want to extract, find where u want ur gif to start, and for photoshop cs5, you hit the ‘shift’ key and let the part u want giffed in the video play. when youre done u lift the shift key and hit ‘ok’ (idk if it differs for different versions of ps). i extract all!!! frames!! it makes it look smoother too :)

3. Coloring/Sharpening/Cropping/Etc~now this is the step that I can’t really give a tutorial on because honestly it varies for everyone! but i feel that this is the step that a lot of ppl need guidance with (me included) because it is the hardest step, probably because it is so ‘up in the air’ for lack of a better word? there is no one right way of doing it the possibilities are literally endless but here are some tips~Coloring:       ~most important rule: don’t whitewash ur gifs!!       ~other than that, the world is yours.       ~honestly have fun with this part! coloring is something that i haven’t fully learned yet       ~i tend to play around mainly with the curves, selective color, hue/saturation, and color balance layers       ~you can also download psds other ppl have made (i dont do this myself) and use those!      ~also i feel that a lot of the times, the right coloring can make ur gif seem higher quality. coloring can also play a role in reducing gif size if u do it correctly.      ~honestly this part is just a lot of experimentation, over the course of a gifset and over the course of time in general. some people find their coloring style easily, but i was not one of those people. ive spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to adjust what layers to get the colors that i want and i think only as of this era ive been able to execute the coloring i had pictured in my mind. so patience is a virtue!!! ~Sharpening:      ~ah yes my biggest enemy: sharpening      ~first things first, i sharpen my gifs using smart sharpen + topaz                  ~settings for my smart sharpen are 500%; 0.4                 ~check the box that says ‘more accurate’ and i personally remove ‘gaussian blur’      ~some people also use topaz denoise, and/or topaz clean     ~ honestly topaz is a lifesaver for me bc it smoothes out a lot of grain that can be introduced via coloring! also!!! it can reduce gif size by a lot!!!!!!!!!!!          ~on topaz denoise i hit the ‘light’ setting on the side and adjust the settings accordingly          ~idk how to use topaz clean even though I have it, because it refuses to work          ~to apply topaz you have to hit ‘flatten frames into layers’                ~some gifs i’ve made with just topaz and no avisynth ( x  x x x)        ~there are ways to make it look nice without topaz but i’ve forgotten how after i got it               ~id duplicate the frame then use smart sharpen and ‘gaussian blur’ under ‘blur’                       ~then adjust the opacity levels in some way.                       ~my settings for the opacity levels aren’t good so i’ll refrain from sharing               ~some gifs ive made through this method ( x x )        ~last but not least i’ll bring up avisynth again. avisynth is nice at preserving video quality                 ~a lot of ppl i know say they don’t even sharpen gifs out of avisynth                 ~here are some gifs i have made with avisynth + topaz ( x x x x x x x )    ~honestly when it comes to sharpening, im still floundering with it. my sharpening needs a lot of work but, amongst the people who i consider good sharpners, most of them use avisynth, topaz denoise and/or clean, and smart sharpen! so all the resources are here !

~Cropping:     ~it’s super important to follow tumblr dimensions otherwise gifs come out looking grainy! even when they’re not ! (case in point: x in which i used 168 instead of 178 for the dimensions)~Timing:   ~Timing is so important!!! I almost forgot!! Always make sure u dont have duplicate frames for starters! for 60fps source videos i use .03, for mp4s i typically use .04 but sometimes the frame rate is kinda funky so you may have to go slower accordingly! and the important thing about timing is that if u use smart object, when u save ur gif, it’ll be in a different timing? like .04 gets changed to .07 but in order to fix that, u can simply just save ur gif in the wrong timing, and then reopen the gif in ps, simply change the timing to what u want on all ur frames, and then save it again!! idk if that made any sense but laskdjf this was the biggest mystery for me for so long omg4. Saving the gif~personally the save settings I use are “Selective/Adaptive” ; “Diffusive”; Dither: 100%; 256 colors. sometimes this makes the gif super grainy so i use “pattern” instead of “diffusive” in those instances5. Pray Perseverance   ~a lot of the time when you’re giffing, gifs won’t come out the way you want it (i’m sure for every gifset i’ve uploaded on tumblr, there’s a gifset that i started making and never finished because it looked really bad). idk sometimes it feels like photoshop has its own will, sharpenings wont always work the same way each time, video quality won’t be the way you want it, i’m honestly still very experimental right now I don’t have ps figured out at all. so yeah…sometimes all u can do is that when u hit that save for web button (that ruins everything alskf), pray that ps doesnt mess it up too bad ahahaha but also that even when it does, its okay and you can try again! or try something new!

this is a super generic guide! let me know if you need more information! 

[missguomeiyun]

CHESTNUT Makgeolli~

Before you continue reading, take a guess.. . was I successful or was a failure in making chestnut makgeolli!?

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=D

I had a difficult time finding a recipe for chestnut makgeolli in English, so I searched in Korean & there are actually tons. Many on Naver (their version of Google) are blogs from ppl who made it, & there are lots on Youtube as well. I found out that there are chestnut makgeolli kits for ppl who want to try making it at home from scratch; the kits includes everything that you’ll need: rice, peeled chestnuts, nuruk, +/- fermentation vessel. So you just need to put it together essentially. We don’t have those here haha so I am only able to go by recipes I see online.

I narrowed it down to 2 (bcos the method was the most logical to me based on my 2 previous experiences) but I was more attracted to the relative proportion of one of them so I used *this* one. I didn’t take as long pics for this production as before bcos the steps were previously documented, but I’ll type it out for you :P

Wash, drain, & soak 400g of glutinous rice. I soaked for ~2.5hrs.

Lay out to dry.

140g of peeled chestnuts.

Note: I used previously peeled but raw chestnuts that are frozen in the freezer.

Boil the chestnuts. I boiled them for ~20mins, till they’re soft & break-able.

Like this! You can stick a chopstick thru & it will break apart but the texture is still kind of hard & brittle.

Cook with rice in a rice cooker.

Add appropriate amount of water.

After the rice + chestnuts are fully cooked, dry it.

You can air-dry, like me, or use a dehydrator. The latter wouldn’t take as long but air-dry works for me.

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Note: I’ve seen several diff methods of doing this ‘combining’ of the rice & chestnuts.

A. Pre-cook chestnuts a little & then cook with rice (my method).

B. Cook each separately (steam rice or cook rice in rice cooker; boil chestnuts or steam chestnuts) & then combine it in the fermentation vessel when you’re ready.

C. Throw rice + raw chestnuts into rice cooker together. I didn’t feel confident with this as I’ve never cooked chestnuts in a rice cooker... wasn’t sure how this would work out =/

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* * * the next day * * *

So for whatever reason, the rice + chestnuts took longer than I thought to dry to the desired dryness. It doesn’t need to be completely dry but the rice needs to have a somewhat hard exterior. It took a little 24hrs for it achieve this. I should’ve layered it out onto 3 plates instead of 2. I thought about it afterwards yesterday actually.. . but I didn’t do anything about it.

Anyway, sterilize the fermentation vessels. DO NOT just clean/wipe; you MUST sterilize. If anything, this is the step you do not want to skip. Then let it cool before you put stuff in.

60g of nuruk + 250mL of water. Use water that is boiled then cooled.

T_____T I actually deleted these photos by accident..... BUT you can refer to previous makgeolli posts. The vessels I used were the same & yeah.. . this day 2 part procedure is no different than the previous 2 productions. SO SORRY!!!

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4 days later. . .

The rate of fermentation is much, much faster this time & I’m not sure why. Like day 4 this time vs day 4 previous times. .. so different! As you can see, the layers formed & bubbling was actually more vigorous than before. The fragrance is quite strong already. I’m starting to think it’s the temperature inside my home. .. maybe.

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Here is day 9. I did plan to bottle it up on day 7 bcos it just felt like the right time but I left it for 2 more days.

I stirred both on day 8, hence the layers are gone.

Compared to previous times, the amount of ‘decrease’ in the height of the contents was the most intense this time. When I bottled them on day1, the rice/chestnuts was very close to the rim of the jars. But now, they’re both around 1/3 of the way down, with A LOT of liquid produced. This means: the rice/chestnuts REALLY got broken down & became disintegrated.

Pour contents into a cheesecloth bag. It looked. .. really gross lol when I was squeezing the liquid out, the rice/chestnuts were soooo mushy! Highly recommend getting someone else to do it for you if you can’t handle this type of mushy texture with your hands.

This was the ‘pure’ makgeolli after the 1st round of filtering. Very strong! o_O my makgeolli is getting stronger hahaha the progression from the 1st makgeolli to this current one. Although it was strong & bubbly, I was unable to taste any chestnut flavour, which was a bit disappointing. It did, however, have more depth. I don’t know how to describe it. The texture was also slightly grainy; this was absent in the previous 2 rice-only makgeolli’s. The colour is a nice tan colour & I was actually able to see some mini floaties too. The rice/chestnuts were so soft & delicate that some managed to pass through the cheesecloth bag, hence the grainy texture.

The final product after 4 rounds of ‘washing/filtering’. I added some sugar to it for sweetening. The graininess is still present but bcos this is now diluted, it’s less grainy. Still an off-white colour :D

Bottled~

PS: this was actually just 1 container. I’m still fermenting the other mason jar one. I will keep that going for a few more days before I bottle it. For science lol I wanna see if prolonged fermentation will result in a stronger/diff product. Stay tuned!!

[kjonginswife]

hi Leila I’m New I love reading ur tags but in a post you said u luv jongin n bbh for different reasons ? What are the reason?like for each member also

first off tysm!! my tags are kinda,,,,,, wild but i’m glad u like to read them anyways fhjkdfg when you say each member i assume you mean everyone in exo, so that’s what i’m gonna do, i hope u don’t mind…..get redy for an essay

jongin

jongin……..what do i even say about this guy theres so much to say dfhjkdf i love him a lot, obviously, since he’s my bias but why??? my love for jongin is like…..it’s like my heart is always bursting because of him….it’s like that person that you meet and you completely fall for to a point where you always wanna be around them and you always want them to be happy and you just have so much genuine care and affection for them it’s impossible to control. he makes my cheeks warm, he makes my heart flutter, he makes me feel like all the bad in my life has disappeared….i really can’t explain it i just love him very very much. he’s a very kind caring and affectionate soul and he resonates with me in a million ways, so much that i would have to talk about it some other time. he means so so much to me and i’ve really never felt this quite strongly for someone, really :/ i guess you could say i’m in love 

baekhyun 

so it really wasn’t until recently that bbh took his spot as my official number 2 on the list. he has been one of my bias wreckers for a while now but now he’s managed to be the only one in the #2 spot fhjkdfgd i’ve always loved bbh, i won’t lie, but lately it’s been really….strong. bbh is that first love type……he’s the one that i was best friends with all through high school and slowly fell in love with as time went on. him and i would click really well irl and i think that’s why he gets me so much. he also reminds me of myself in some ways, and he really compliments me, a lot like jongin but in a different type of way. he’s the one i would go and do reckless things with, the one that would always keep me guessing….but jongin is the more laid back and the more….solid version of that?? i really don’t know how to explain it dfhjkdfgd i love baekhyun because he’s really such a genuine guy with a big heart and he’s freakin hilarious. i dunno i guess that rectangle smile of his got to me….smh

ok im gonna make the rest short

kyungsoo

KYIUNGSOO!!!!! KYUNGSOOOOO KYUNGSOo oh my gosh i’ve always loved this boy. he just gets better with age he is so humble and kind and he is just!!!! a sweetheart i fall for sweethearts, as u can see, so he is ofc up there. plus uhhhhh he’s rlly fuckin handsome like wow 

jongdae

i’ve also always loved jongdae fghdkf he’s really fuckin funny and he’s the cutest thing ever!!!!! like he kinda seems like the devil but he’s actually really sweet and caring and i love that fhdkfg he never hesitates to fight an exo member and honestly it’s inspiring……also him kitty lips :(

chanyeol 

pcy…….my first lov……..here u have this big 6 foot tall guy, he’s got big ass ears, a dorky ass smile and a deep voice…….how can u Not love him. he will always have a special place in my heart cause he was my first exo bias of like a month but he’s such a dork!!! he’s a cutie and he has a big heart i lov him 

junmyeon

junmyeon has done some……stuff,,,,,,, but i’ll talk about the things i love him for. he’s always there for exo, a really nice leader and he and i share the same joke tastes fhgjkdfgjkd also him when he hears rv???? me fhjkdfg he’s rlly cute and soft and when he’s not making fun of other ppl he’s nice sgfhjs

sehun

sehun really dont give a fuck and its AMAZING this boy is also rlly sweet tho like forreal he’d die for exo and its so cute fhjksdfgjd he’s jsut a rlly soft cute guy but he’s very lorge too dfhjdk a lot like pcy…..

minseok

another iconic man who dont give a single fuck!!! this guy is so strong tho like actually he’s been thru so much shit and he’s really such a good kind guy like when will he get the recognition he deserves…………also he never ages like what the fuck…anyways he’s good at everything and i love him ok :(

yixing

uhhhhh yixing’s been in some shit lately but before alla dat, he was someone that kinda surprised me with how sweet he was…..he’s really hard working and there is good in him, he just needs to clean up his act a lil bit 

[cryamore]

MINI UPDATE PART 1: Backer-only Discord Server Questions

Mirroring a recent Kickstarter update over here on Tumblr to try and keep all the social outlets up to date.

This has to be split into two parts because Tumblr only allows five embedded videos per post.

Thanks for everyone’s comments and support on the previous Kickstarter backer only update! A good number of people have joined the Cryamore Backer Discord server that I started up.

We’ve got about 132 members on there right now and it may grow a bit more once I send out the invite to the Paypal backers as a means to get them caught up with what’s been going on behind the backer-only posts. I just have to mirror the backer-only posts in somewhere like Dropbox for their prolonged perusal and prepare a short list of Q&A in case they have any queries and I’ll send out this draft I’ve done.

With that said, I wanted to make a short update reiterating questions gathered from the Discord channels and sharing some of the things we feel we can have non-backers see since it won’t spoil the game... too much.

FoolishWolf asked: I guess my first question is if it is possible to give an ETA on the project at this point?

Rob: We want to be finished this year. We're currently in the "Polish" phase where all the moving and working parts are in, it's just a matter of cleaning up presentation, major bugs, and final art.

Alan: There are going to be gameplay polishes too as we go along. The mechanics we've got are now all adjusted to any suggestions we've taken in from our publisher's testing but we'd like to see if during the backer tests, anyone feels it could be improved further.

That's fair. I guess this is just the marketer in me, but is there gifs and videos that maybe you can release for the community for #Indiedevhour and #screenshotsaturday that we share around. Kinda get the hype train going?

Rob: We want to get back into doing more of that, yeah. Now that we're polishing stuff up.

Alan: We'll be sharing stuff as often as we can on Discord which we'll then pool together for the mini updates.

Clay | Terminally Nerdy asked:

Once the game is in a “playable” preview state, would you all want someone to stream/talk about it?

We’re absolutely okay with it as this would help reinforce the fact that the game is legit. We’ll make sure to mark which builds are public ready.

Can you get Atlus to port the Persona series to PC, and will Jack Frost be in the game?

We sadly don’t have that kind of pull but I personally would like to see the Persona series on PC too.

Phosphatide asked:

How close is it to the proposed "40+ tracks" from the Kickstarter?

We’re pretty much within the forty track count already. I’ll share surasshu’s answer here as it’s better to hear it from one of our composers.

here's a link to a larger version (just adjust the zoom) in case Kickstarter decides to shrink the whole thing to an unreadable point.

fpwong asked:

What do ppl usually use for programming AI in Unity? UE4 has inbuilt behaviour trees but idk if unity has anything of the sort.

Alan: We’re not sure about other people using Unity but for us, we’ve been using a mix of C# and FlowCanvas/NodeCanvas to achieve an easily tweakable AI system. It’s the same thing we used to set up our cutscene/dialogue system too, so it’s multipurpose!

Rob: This video is quite outdated though; It’s mostly the dialogue on example there and a few older bugs but that shows how the dialogue tree is set up, how it can control objects to walk away from the scene, change sprites and more.

Brendan (luigimeistersa) asked:

Hey dev guys. Does Cryamore have any kind of buffs you can apply to Esmy?

Alan: We sadly don’t have much in way of buff abilities besides things like Oxy Barrier which provide you with a protective bubble and allow you to breathe underwater or other abilities like Time Paradox and Shadow Cloak. You do get a Well Rested buff though from sleeping at the inn though and the buff comes at various tiers.

Can you bind them (abilities) to the row of number keys on PC?

Alan: We're using Rewired for Unity to support keybinding and a variety of controllers (here's a list) so you should be able to rebind controls to any key you wish on a desktop keyboard.

Rob: Controllers may be more limited for keybinding in comparison, however.

AreYouSmarterThanACheeseGrater asked:

So, how are you going to work sleeping? Will time advance a set number of hours or will time progress to the next morning/evening?

Alan: Here’s an excerpt from our design document to easily explain how sleeping works.

Take note, costs are subject to change but sleeping in specific beds advances time by a set amount and you get better rest in a shorter amount of time from the more expensive rooms at the inn (to be fully rested and free from fatigue for a day in just two hours would be amazing). You do have the option to be cheap and just sleep in your own bed but you use up more time in a day.

Downing energy drinks is a way to stay awake without having to sleep but you can only carry so much and it won't fully restore your fatigue and you'll eventually find yourself sleeping on the ground, helpless against any threats around you.

shadowreaper5 asked: Are you still looking for help? I can't draw or code, but if you need someone to poke every corner for bugs I'm your man

We'll put out a public call for assistants when there's nothing else left but the art polish push, there's a bit of design polish that Rob and I still have to work on here and there but when the backgrounds and pixel tracing are all that's left, we're hoping we get many applicants that're willing to stick through.

As for poking every corner for bugs, I've currently given 13 members on the Backer Discord @tester status. Having them on Discord will help us all communicate as they run the builds. I expect we're going to have a few questions of why the game won't start when loading a save (recurring bug that happened in old builds regarding data from a previous build being kept in the %appdata% folder on Windows systems and conflicting with the new build)

Does your [insert magic equivalent here] regenerate quicker if you sleep in a bed/inn?

Alan: In our aim to nail down the fun factor without sacrificing too much of the original vision, we decided to make EP regenerate automatically.

You should see it in action in this older stress test video that Rob shared on the Discord server.

As you can see, the blue meter to the lower left goes down each time Esmy uses a skill. The meter is actually comprised of a number of cells but displays as a meter, the cell count is shown to the right of the meter as EP <number>. Each ability eats a number of cells, i.e. an ability like Ignite Lv1 costs = 1 cell but Shadow Cloak of any level will use = 4 cells. A channeled ability like Boulder Dash will eat up a cell every second.

Cells can be increased by finding certain collectibles in the game.

Rob: You can also see in the video above that even in-editor, the game runs pretty smoothly (60FPS+) with 8 monsters and numerous adds it summons.

Alan: I've personally tried it on my own PC with a 1GB video card from 7 years ago and it runs fine in-editor and runs even better on a compiled build.

lemon-rev asked: With your post regarding the update, I can now fully understand why the game looks at is base level, playtime on each of those levels sounds great, but are they leveling, completing quests, just beating up mobs, I am sure each of those other sections that have to be redone for unity as well as the type of content for each one.

Some context is necessary here for the non-backers reading this. During the previous backer update, I mentioned the listed completion times we got for each dungeon when we had testers run through it, here are those numbers...

Northern Caverns v1 Build: 20-30 minutes

Rime Rapids v1 Build: 30-40 minutes

Molten Mountain v1 Build: 30-40 minutes

Terrestrial Woods v1 Build: 40-60 minutes  

Vale of Gale v1 Build: 40-60 minutes  

Sunken Ship v2 Build: 40-120 minutes

Mekanika v2 Build: 40-120 minutes

Phantom Marshes v2 Build: 40-120 minutes

The v1 builds were before I ran a level design revamp over the layouts so those numbers can go up. All in all though, that's currently around 4.6 hours worth of dungeon crawling (and there's one dungeon unaccounted for still).

With that bit of context given, to fully answer lemon-rev's question, take note, these are all approximate numbers as there was a guide provided for the publisher testers to consult and these numbers also DO NOT include boss fights, cutscenes or enemy ambushes. There's also the time required to head out into the overworld and look for and access those dungeons so we estimate that we could hit 12 hours at the very least of regular gameplay without completing any sidequests and hopefully 16-18 hours if you try to 100% the whole game.

sky asked: Is Linux still planned?

Yes! This is also why we're going to have to reach out to our backers for testing assistance as we've only been able to test on PC and Mac so far and do not have much if any Linux testbeds.

We've had a number of people on the Discord server that I've tagged as willing testers and we look forward to working with them soon!

CONTINUED IN PART 2

[princess-kidatheart17]

Get to know me tag

Tagged by @kiwiinama-chan

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

1. Drink: Anything bubbly with grenadine. 2. Phone call: Haha... 3. Text message: Hahahaha. 4. Song you listen to: I keep listening to “Put Your Head On My Shoulder” by Paul Anka and it’s officially the song I’ll never get sick of 5. Time you cried: Marley & Me. Enough said...

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: I haven’t even dated anyone yet ;_; 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Never had my first kiss yet either ;_______; 8. Been cheated on: Nope. 9. Lost someone special: My paternal grandfather when I was 11. It was the first time I lost family real close and I share a lot of precious memories with him. 10. Been depressed: Yes, bullying can break a person, guys... 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Uh, no.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: Turquoise, purple and blue.

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: Yep! 16. Fallen out of love: I think so... 17. Laughed until you cried: God, yes. Have you met my little sister?? 18. Found out someone was talking about you: I think someone was talking shit about me at work (ʘ‿ʘ)   19. Met someone who changed you: I don’t know tbh... 20. Found out who your friends are: Yes. 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Uhh, no.

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: I don’t add strangers... 23. Do you have any pets: Two cats. 24. Do you want to change your name: No, I like my name 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: Eat sushis and ice cream cake with my family! 26. What time do you wake up: On vacations, around 10:30 to sometimes noon, lol. But during school, it’s 8:30 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Surviving because I have a cold. 28. Name something you can’t wait for: THE BIG HERO 6 THE SERIES AND NEW HAIKYUU STUFF (LIKE THE 4TH SEASON, THE OVA AND THE DUBBED VERSION). 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: Last friday 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: Erase my anxiety 31. What are you listening to right now: My sister emptying the drain 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yeah, in high school I think (his name was Thomas, but hey, still counts) 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: Sexist, homophobic and racist bigots 34. Most visited website: TUMBLR, OYA OYA OYA

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. Mole/s: JEEZ, I HAVE A LOT OF THOSE. If you’d give me 1$ for each mole, I’d be rich because my body is covered with them. But the most visible one is the one next to the corner of my mouth (à la Marilyn Monroe) 36. Mark/s: A birthmark on my left hip 37. Childhood dream: Be a Disney princess and sing well enough for birds and squirrels to help me clean my room... didn’t happened for many reasons, lol. 38. Hair color: Dark brown, almost black. 39. Long or short hair: REALLY REALLY LONG, they reach the middle of my back. 40. Do you have a crush on someone: Not right now. 41. What do you like about yourself: My creativity. 42. Piercings: Does earings count as piercings?? If not, then no. 43. Blood type: A+ 44. Nickname: Ari 45. Relationship status: Single AF 46. Zodiac: Libra 47. Pronouns: She/Her/ 48. Favorite TV Show: I don’t know, does anime count? If yes, then Haikyuu!!

49. Tattoos: None... for now. I’d love to have a tattoo someday ^^ 50. Right or left hand: Right. 51. Surgery: Never had one, and I hope I never get one tbh. 52. Hair dyed in different color: I put purple streaks once, but I prefer my natural color. 53. Sport: Ha. Hahaha. HAHAHAHAHAHA. I SUCK AT THEM. But if I have to choose, I prefer martial arts because it’s the only sports that 1) interests me 2) I don’t suck too much in. 55. Vacation: Anywhere out of my continent, a trip in Europe would be cool! 56. Pair of trainers: what tf does that mean

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: A burger 58. Drinking: Ginger ale 59. I’m about to: Listen to music 61. Waiting for: This post to end lol 62. Want: THE BEH6 SERIES TRAILER TO COME OUT, MY OWN BAYMAX AND MY SHIPS TO BE CANON 63. Get married: Maybe later in the future 64. Career: Actress, author, script writer 

WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: I’m a cuddle bug, so hugs :3 66. Lips or eyes: Eyes are the windows to the soul, fellas. 67. Shorter or taller: I don’t really mind height 68. Older or younger: I prefer older, because I’d like to feel safe, but I’d also like to protect my s/o, so I wouldn’t mind younger 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Nice arms cuz I eat too much to have a nice stomach *Mad World plays in the background* 71. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive AND loud. 72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship. 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Hesitant.

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: NO 75. Drank hard liquor: NOPE. 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: No, cuz I don’t wear them. 77. Turned someone down: I don’t think I did 78. Sex on the first date: Well, if there’s something between the two of you, and you think it can go further, why the hell not? 79. Broken someone’s heart: I HOPE NOT 80. Had your heart broken: YES PLENTY OF FUCKING TIMES. 81. Been arrested: I’M TOO MUCH OF AN ANGEL OF THAT, LMAO 82. Cried when someone died: Yes, no matter if fictional or not 83. Fallen for a friend: Yes…..

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: Depends on my mood. 85. Miracles: Yes I do! 86. Love at first sight: Yes, but it never happened to me... for now 87. Santa Claus: What am I, 8? Of course not 88. Kiss on the first date: If there’s sparks in your eyes and you feel in a book written by Nicholas Sparks, then go ahead!

OTHER: 90. Current best friend name: I’m keeping her identity a secret... shhh! 91. Eye color: Green 92. Favorite movie: BIG HERO 6 AND SHE’S THE MAN ARE MY TOPS

NOW, TAG 20 PEOPLE: (LOL I WON’T TAG 20 PPL I DON’T KNOW THAT MUCH PPL)

@bigherosixfeels @bigherosixed @princesstadashi @atruehiro @derpam @xdarkxenergy @miss-lee-lee-fan @big-hero-rangers @kabuki-akuma @b-obbs @headphone-love @amberarts13 @arsonist14 T-T-T-T-THAT’S ALL, FOLKS!