#I’ll make a proper intro post or whatever eventually but I gotta figure out what I’m multiclassing her as cuz rn it’s messy

[labhellan]

not a thought behind those eyes (Int 8).. she’s just here to look pretty, be friendly and accidentally turn people into dogs

[kingjaffejoffer]

Sometimes its your turn to lose

I would prefer that nobody reblog this.

But this is the internet and I can’t stop yall from doing anything. So whatever. 

Something I’ve said on this blog a dozen times is the fact that I don’t believe in karma. To me, its something silly that people say to make themselves feel better when they take an L. If someone keys your car or busts out your windows and you don’t catch them... you mention karma because it gives you a little bit of power in hopes that the universe is gonna make the culprit pay. 

I don’t believe in karma because niggas like George Zimmerman and Darren Wilson are still walking down the street enjoying their lives, free as a bird even though they murdered Black people in cold blood. I don’t believe in karma because America has been committing atrocities all over the globe for 200 years and nothing has happened in retaliation, 9/11 aside (which is a small price to pay in the grand scheme of things). 

I don’t believe in karma because billions of people on earth can’t read and don’t have access to clean water and shelter. Where’s the justice for them?

That was a longwinded intro to the fact that I just took a massive L. Most people would say karma.... but I think it was just my turn to get got. 

I’ve a terrible boyfriend to most of the women in my life. 

I’m very sweet, charming, attentive, affectionate, and caring. I’ve done all the things women loved. 

Except for the fact that I always cheated. 

We can get into the reasons I cheated another time. That’s a whole 3 chapter post within itself. 

The point is. I cheated a lot, with impunity. I eventually reached the point where I didn’t want to live like that anymore. I matured to a place where I didn’t want to be a liar. I didn’t want to cause anyone any pain. I didn’t want to live a double life anymore. I didn’t want to hurt anyone anymore. 

So I decided that I was going to be single for the rest of my life. And last year, I finally got my wish. I was SINGLE and unapologetically a massive whore. 

It was fucking fantastic. I was single, and every woman I met, I’d let them know that I was fucking with other women and I had no intentions of ever getting into a relationship with them. I let women know from jump street what the deal was and things worked out great. You’d be surprised at what women are down with if you’re just honest and upfront from the start. 

I had a clean std test and was juggling a handful of women at a time, living the good life. 

And then....... I met her. 

She slid in my DMs on Tumblr. She wasn’t thirsty. She didn’t come into my messages with overtly sexual comments and pictures. She just introduced herself, “Hey, how are you doing?”

The conversation between us was effortless. The chemistry was flawless. We went from talking in the Tumblr messages every day. To texting. To snapchatting. 

We’d have conversations that lasted all day. and they were dope and wide ranging. 

If God came down from the heavens above and told me to design the perfect woman I wanted. The final result wouldn’t have been too different from this girl who just dropped in my lap out of nowhere on Tumblr.  We have EVERYTHING in common. 

California native

Her character and values as a woman were beyond what I could ask for. 

She’s extremely well versed in sports. She can hold substantive and meaningful conversations about the specific NBA players. 

We watched MMA and boxing together every Saturday

We both love California gangbang rap. We’d be in the car together listening to YG both lip synching the words. 

She’s well read, knocking out a book every week. 

She’s woke as FUCK. Unapologetically black.

Dark skin, natural hair.

Our views on religion were the same.

She’s college educated. 

She’s fucking beautiful. Thick in all the right places. 

She’s generous. Considerate. health conscious. 

She’s just as freaky as i am. One minute her and I are talking about environmental health and child rearing..... and 3 minutes later she’s on Snapchat taking a long piss for me so I can watch. Telling me she can’t wait until Friday so we can hang out and make love like we did every weekend. 

She came from a really good family. A two parent household. 

It didn’t take long before I was in love with her. 

I spent years wanting to be single. Wanting to be an unapologetic whore. Wanting to have a harem of women that I could call any time to do whatever I wanted.

I had all of that. And I fucking fell in love with this girl. 

And I threw it all away...... one by one. I went to my harem of women, breaking the bad news to them. Telling them that I had a girlfriend and we couldn’t have sex anymore. 

They didn’t react well. The drama that I had to endure just to get rid of all these women is enough to write a 5 chapter post on. That’s another story for another day. The point is..... I went through great lengths to make sure that I didn’t cheat this time. 

I stopped having sex with every woman on the side. I was 100% committed to this new perfect amazing woman that dropped out of the sky and into my life. 

The first time we had sex was explosive. I’ll never forget it.

We’d have long conversations about monogamy and our views on marriage, which were perfectly in sync. Neither one of us believed in marriage. We were receptive to the concept of open relationships, as long as the proper communication and guidelines were put in place beforehand. 

We’d talk about moving in together and having kids one day. I’d ask her all the questions that I felt were important. Did she believe in vaccinating kids? What kind of names did she consider? Did she plan to breast feed? What kind of schools did she like? What would we teach our kid at home?

We talked about all that shit. 

One day, a huge dent was put in the perfect fairytale relationship I had with this woman. 

I found out she was an alcoholic. I found out some other stuff too. She had been hiding it from me since the day she met me. She didn’t want me to judge her. 

I was initially bummed out. But I was so deeply and madly in love with this woman that I was like..... fuck it... no sweat. I’m going to get through this with her. 

We eventually got her enrolled in therapy sessions. As long as she was making progress toward getting better thats all I could ask for. She promised to keep her drinking under control from that day forward. That’s all I needed. 

I felt uncomfortable every time she had a glass of wine, but Rome wasn’t built in a day. Eventually we’d wean her off alcohol completely. I’ve never been in a relationship with a substance abuser/addict before, so excuse my naivite and ignorance. 

She was absolutely worth the extra work. I’ve never in my life met a woman as amazing as she is.

By the way I’ve set this story up. It’s completely obvious the way its going to end right?

Yep.

She got me. 

She played me. 

All these years of me being in control. All these years of me being the liar and the cheater and the one with 85958 women on the side. All these years of me being the one who broke hearts.

It was my turn. She played the shit out of me. 

One night she got black out drunk and I found out all kinds of stuff. I saw all the conversations of her talking to random niggas from the internet. I saw the evidence of her bussing her pussy open for niggas on snapchat. I saw the text messages of her telling niggas that she wants him and another man to both run a train on her at the same time.

That part didn’t hurt me. I’m not a jealous dude. I know that my girlfriend will find other men attractive. I know that my girlfriend will find other men sexually desirable. I know that she’s not going to go the rest of her life without wanting to fuck another man.

To keep it a buck fitty, if she would have just let me know about that from the start it wouldn’t have been a thing. 

So that part didn’t really hurt me. 

The text messages that she sent her female friends are the ones that hurt me. 

I read texts where she was telling her girlfriends that “he’s leaving tomorrow but I wish he would just leave right now”. 

I saw the texts where she told her girlfriends she could never live in a house with me because she wanted her freedom.

I saw all these text messages where the things that were a complete 180 opposite of what she would tell me.

That really hurt me. 

I have no idea why she would just lie like that for no reason. But I’m sure all of the women I’ve lied to in the past couldnt figure out why I lied to them either. 

Some people would call this karma.

But I think sometimes its just your turn to lose. Sometimes its your turn to get got. its the law of averages. The more times you roll the dice the greater chances of you getting snake eyes. 

Sometimes its your turn to take that L. 

It’s my turn right now. 

Ya boy is SICK right now. My stomach is in knots. When I swallow it feels like a lump is in my throat. My appetite is gone. I called my boss and told him I wouldn’t be at work tomorrow. I’m just going to lay int the dark and hurt. 

She got me man. 

I feel zero embarrassment publishing this on the internet, where it will surely be met with laughing emojis and all that other shit. 

None of what anyone can say will feel worse than what I’m already feeling right now. 

She got me....  I had it coming. I deserve it. 

Remember at the end of Menace II Society when Caine was like “I knew it would happen but i didnt think it would happen like this”

I didn’t publish this because i’m looking for sympathy. I dont want anyone’s pity. I really don’t care to hear anyone’s opinion at all. Don’t feel the need to send me any words of encouragement. 

Writing makes me feel better. 

it is what it is. 

I’ll be ok. 

I don’t hate her... I’m not even mad at her. Not one bit. I’ll always love her. She’s not a bad person. She’s just incapable of having a relationship right now. I know exactly what she’s going through because I used to be her. 

I gotta charge this one to the game.