#I’ll go through looking for Beatles stuff

[thestarsarecool]

PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: ALLEN KLEIN

a candid conversation with the embattled managed of the beatles

Published in the November 1971 issue of Playboy Magazine

[1427]

When the Levee Breaks (pt. 1)

Daryl Dixon x OFC

The one in which a stripper that used to know Merle and Daryl shows up at the Atlanta camp. Daryl’s feelings are complicated but mostly he hates her. Right?

Chapt. Setting: Atlanta camp

Chapt. Warnings: degrading and sexist language, season 1 Daryl, he’s not nice in this, probably won’t be for a while. 

Word count: 1600 

A/N : (aka authors warning) this is written in Daryl’s POV soOo idk. Probably not everyone’s bag. Maybe it’s no one’s bag. These first three chapters are kinda rough and I’m sorry but I can only proofread my own stuff so many times before I either post it or delete it forever.

masterlist

17+ mdni for the whole story

After stringin’ a few squirrels for dinner I figure I should get back to camp. ‘m breakin’ through the tree line, and that’s when I see her.  Beatle. Beatle, for the first time in… shit, who knows? Definitely years, I’m not exactly sure how many. Beatle, just fuckin’ sittin’ at my fire. Like somehow she knew it was mine and showed up just to take it from me. Just sittin’. Smile on her face like she belongs there. She doesn’t. She doesn’t belong at this camp, with these people. Shit, Beatle doesn’t even belong alive if I’m bein’ honest. 

No one in this fuckin’ camp can hunt worth a damn.  They’re gonna expect me to feed ‘em, ain’t they? Eventually. Eventually the food’ll run out and it’ll just be me feedin’ fuckin’ everyone. M’not doin’ it. I’m not doin’ shit for ‘em anymore. Why should I? Left my brother on that roof to rot. Naw, I’ll hunt for my damn self. Don’t even know why I’m still fuckin’ here. Should be out findin’ Merle. Honestly, don’t even know why I’m not.

Even before the dead started walkin’. I figured her days were numbered since the first fuckin’ time I met ‘er. Drunk as hell, eyes glassy, loud annoying voice barkin’ like a damn dog. Just yap yap yappin at Merle and me, tits half hangin’ outta her bikini top. Ones cinched in the string like she’d just forgotten to take ‘em out from her last time around the bar. A dumb drunk bitch, Beatle. Stupid fuckin’ stripper name. Who’s dick gets hard over a stripper named Beatle? 

I watch her, just for a second, checkin’ to see if maybe it’s not really her. But it is. ‘Course it fuckin’ is. 

Shane’s the first person I see that’s not doin’ anything, going through some clothes in a duffel bag in the back of a van, figure he might know, “Where the fuck did she come from?” Pointing toward Beatle, her back to us, fifty yards away. Stupid purple hair blowing all over the damn place. 

Shane looks to see who I’m pointing at, but who the fuck else is new at camp? His eyes finally land on Beatle before looking back at me like he’s trying to fight the smile on his damn face, “Why? You interested?”

I’m tryin’ not to lose my shit that she’s even fuckin’ here. “Nah…” I shake my head, “I know ‘er.”

Shane looks up, surprised maybe, and then not. Looking from Beatle back to me again, eyeing us up. “Yeah, makes sense.�� 

I squint back at ‘im, “S’that supposed ta mean?” 

He shrugs, making a face, before smiling again, folding another shirt into his pack, “Just that you look like you might know eachother.” He doesn’t say more but I know what he’s not sayin. “Is all.” He adds on the end just to reiterate. 

He means we’re both fuckin redneck trash to anyone who looks at us. I look back over at her, startin’ to get real mad at this jarhead dickhead. Not for her or nothin’. Even if he’s right, he don’t gotta say it. Or maybe it was the way he said it. Or the way he didn’t say it. Like a fuckin’ pussy. 

A part of me feels like standin’ up for myself. Hell, a part of me feels like stickin’ up for Beatle. But, shit, it’s not even worth it.

I cough up a lougie and spit it close to his foot. “So where’d she come from?” I’m fuckin’ repeating myself. I hate fuckin’ repeating myself. 

“Think she just wandered in. Must’ve been lost in the woods or something. Ask Rick. He seems to know everything.”

Can’t keep myself from crackin’ at his petty comment. Always so fuckin’ loud with his contempt, makin’ the situation obvious to anyone with eyes. Messy. 

I decide I’m gonna ask ‘er. She’s gonna see me eventually. Better I approach her first, right? Don’t need to get football tackled in the middle of doin’ somethin’ else when she sees me for the first time. So I pull out a cigarette and start walkin’ over.

She’s talkin’ to Andrea. She fuckin’ would. Both of them loud dumb bitches. Talking about all the dumb shit they miss since everything’s turned to shit. Not talkin’ about people or nothin’ important. Just bullshit like getting your damn nails done, and eating fuckin’ ice cream. 

“Where’d you fuckin’ come from?” Sayin it louder than I meant. More aggressive than I thought my voice would sound. Usually fuckin’ is, though.  The laughing between Andrea and Beatle stops and they look over at me, just standing there waitin’ for it to register. Waitin’ for Beatles reaction. Starin’ ‘er the fuck down like she doesn’t fuckin’ belong here. She doesn’t. 

Beatles eyes light up, getting up from her chair and runnin’ over to me like she’s never been more excited to see someone in her whole damn life. I try to brace myself, but she still rocks me backward as she jumps on me, “Daryl!” Should have stopped her, could have moved just right out of the way. But nah, I let her. 

I don’t hug her back though, just push her off and let her own feet catch her. Dumb bitch doesn’t know personal boundaries. Her voice so close to my ear, “Damn, don’t look so happy to see me.”

Happy to see her? I’m not. Didn’t think I could be so unhappy to see a familiar face in my whole fuckin’ life. But she wasn’t letting that stop her, never fuckin’ did. “I was lost, found this camp. They said I could stay.” She explains, her voice high and happy and annoying as it ever was. At least she’s not drunk. 

Everyone around the fire had gone back to what they were doing. Not watchin’ us anymore. They could probably see as well as Shane that it was obvious how we knew eachother. Well, maybe not exactly how. But they probably had a good idea. 

I dunno what to say to her explanation, so I don’t say nothin’. And she just stands next to me, too close, clearly not gettin’ the hint that I didn’t really wanna talk to her. Just wanted to know why she was here. Now I know. She wasn’t gettin’ that she could and should just go back to her conversation with Andrea about ice skating, or cocktails, or what the fuck ever. 

“What about you?” Her voice quieter for fuckin’ once. 

I shake my head, blowing smoke out, “Merle and me, met up with everyone...” I don’t feel like explaining it, so I don’t. 

Beatle’s lookin’ up at me, her big eyes all wide and excited like a dumbass deer too stupid to move out of traffic, “Merle’s here?” 

This coil of disgust, I feel it snaring it’s way through my abdomen. Yeah, that’s the feeling Beatle usually gives me. Back like it never fuckin’ left. “Nah, not anymore. Sorry to dry your cunt.” 

Beatle says “Ew” fast. Like she’s so disgusted by my vocabulary. Like she isn’t just as crude, the things I heard that little mouth of hers say. 

“He’s not…” she means dead.

“Nah, hes not dead.” Usually this is where I talk something nice about Merle, about how he’s a tough sunuvabitch or some other shit. But not to Beatle. Beatle already knows, and for some reason talking about Merle with her makes me.. fuck… whatever. 

Glancing over, it looks like Beatle’s finally got the hint that I don’t wanna talk to her. She probably really was excited to see me, and I almost feel bad for a second. Before she puts her grubby fuckin’ hand in my face and asks if she can have a cigarette. Needy fuckin’ bitch. 

I laugh right in her face. At the gall of her. That at the end of it all, of everything; she was still trying to get some fuckin’ handout. “Naw.”

“Oh, come on, Daryl, please? I haven’t had one in days!” As if I give a shit what she has or hasn’t had. Hasn’t seen me in years and wants to ask for favors? 

I keep draggin’ on my cigarette, blowin’ the smoke out, and m’not smiling anymore, “I said naw. I don’t see your tits out, why would I give you anything?” Fuck repeating myself.

“You wanna see my tits?” She says it like it’s actually a question. Like she really fuckin’ believes that I’m askin’. 

“You’re a dumb bitch, Beatle, y’know tha’?” I shake my head at her, laughin’ at her again. She’s fuckin’ ridiculous.  Taking another drag I realize the cig is trash, and I almost throw the butt into the fire but decide to hand it to her instead. 

She takes it, with needy fingers like I knew she fuckin’ would. Trying to hide my smile at how fuckin’ pathetic she always seems to be.  Watching her take my trash like it’s fuckin’ gold. She drags it once, I can smell the filter burning and she throws it in the fire. “Next time maybe you’ll share one with me?” Her voice is so sweet it makes me sick. Like I didn’t just call her a dumb bitch to her face. 

Saccharine and fake, that’s how she’s always been. All her cute little movements and motions, all just tryin’ to work me up so I’ll share my smokes or listen to her dumbass whine about anything and everything. Annoying.

“Prolly not.” And I’m already walking away from the fire. From Beatle. Going back to my tent and praying to god, Jesus Christ, don’t let her follow. 

Chewin’ on what she said. Lost, huh? See? Didn’t even belong alive. 

pt 2

[twopoppies]

The “she asks me to choke her / I play along” line immediately reminded me of at least one tour video where he playfully responds No to a girl’s sign saying Choke me? Or maybe it was Spit on me or some other deranged thing. Either way, it immediately screamed relationship between him and his audience and him being resigned to having to play a part and constantly toeing the line between seeming available and cheeky without selling his soul away.

As a side note, I’ll never not be obsessed with the fact that, with the exception of She, every time he talks about “her” he is also talking to a “you” that is often the romantic partner. Very clearly saying that the two things (his love and a “she”) are two separate things. I cannot wait for the book that will come out in 20 years about his entire body of work that will go through this stuff like we go through Beatles songs today.

His songwriting over the last few years has just gotten better and better. I’m so in love with his brain. I would love to read a book that looks at his lyrics (but please spare us the idiotic heterosexual explanations)

[uramilf]

Day Six - Gingerbread House

Warnings: This has some smutty thoughts at the start but no actual smut

Matty came home late from the studio the next night. He crawled into bed at what must’ve been after 2am, falling asleep so quickly that he didn’t notice Mayhem jumping onto the bed and curling up in a ball beside him. He didn’t usually dream of nice things, but his head was full of thoughts of Y/N the entire night. He dreamed of what Christmas was going to be like with her, how well she would get on with his mum and little brother. He dreamed of sneakily stealing kisses when no one was looking. But mostly, he dreamed of what it would be like to fuck her in the spare room, hand over her mouth so she wouldn’t wake anyone up with her pretty moans.

He woke up the next morning replaying thoughts of a couple of nights before, in front of the fireplace. He shook the images from his head when his phone rang, rubbing a hand over his eyes before reaching out to get it from the nightstand. Her name lit up his phone and he smiled, hitting the green accept call button.

“Morning, pretty girl.” “Morning, baby. How does it feel to be finished in the studio?” “Incredible. I’ve been counting down the days to the start of my Christmas holiday.” “Well, do you wanna come over and celebrate the proper beginning of Christmas?” “I’d love to, darling. Just give me an hour to shower and walk Mayhem. Then I’ll be right over.”

—————

An hour later, Matty came through Y/N’s door with a shout of “Babe, I’m here!” “Kitchen!” she called back, the sound of an old Beatles song muffling her voice. Matty walked down the hall and stuck his head into the kitchen, laughing at the mess on the kitchen table. Baking ingredients and equipment were spread out over the surface: icing sugar, sprinkles, chocolate chips, piping bags.

“What the fuck happened in here?” he laughed. “Went to Tesco this morning and bought some stuff,” she shrugged. “Yeah, I can see that. Are we having a baking day, then?” “Nope, not quite. More like a decorating day,” Y/N said proudly, holding up a cardboard box with a picture of a perfectly constructed gingerbread house on the front. “We just need to put this together and decorate it. Simple.” “Babe, I’m not saying you’re not good in the kitchen, but ours will never look like that.” “Yes it will, grinch! We’re gonna make the best gingerbread house ever.” Matty sighed and rolled up the sleeves of his grey hoodie.

—————

“Matty, stop! That’s too much icing, the roof’s gonna slide off!” “No it isn’t!” he argued. “It’s fine, see?” Matty let go of the gingerbread roof and watched it slide and land on the table in a sticky mess. Y/N groaned. “You are now banned from construction. You can come back for decorating. Goodbye.” “What? I didn’t even do anything, babe!” “You’re wrecking my house!” she grumbled, banishing him to the other end of the table. Eventually she got the house to stick together. It looked rather wonky, but still. She looked at Matty smugly. “See? This is why I’m in charge in the kitchen.” “Yeah, and everywhere else, you fuckin’ dictator.” “You know it,” she grinned. “I’m sorry I wouldn’t let you touch my gingerbread house.” “No you’re not,” Matty smiled fondly. “No, I’m not,” Y/N agreed. “You’re really shit at it.”

Y/N started piping little icing swirls and wonky stars onto the gingerbread house, while Matty followed behind, sticking marshmallows and chocolate chips and pouring sprinkles wherever he saw fit. Y/N laughed at the messy concoction of biscuit and sweets, held together with runny icing. “Wait! We need snow!” Matty exclaimed before grabbing the icing sugar and sprinkling it on the roof of their little house. “Perfect,” Y/N said, leaning up against him. He leaned down to kiss her forehead. “Can we eat it now, then?” “No!” Y/N cried. “We need to at least take pictures of it. It looks too pretty.” Matty rolled his eyes playfully. Pretty definitely wasn’t the word to describe it, but to Y/N it was perfect.

—————

After a brief photoshoot of their gingerbread house, the pair settled on the sofa with a cup of tea each (Y/N still refused to let Matty eat any of it). “Thanks for today, babe. Good way to spend my first day off.” “Of course,” Y/N smiled. “I’m glad you came over.” “I love coming over,” Matty laughed. “I basically live here now, me and Mayhem.” “Just the way I like it,” Y/N replied, before catching his lips in a soft kiss.

[harrisonstories]

George Harrison + his passions

“George tried to teach himself. but he wasn’t making much headway. ‘I’ll never learn this,’ he used to say. I said, ‘You will, son, you will. Just keep at it.’ He kept till his fingers were bleeding.” - Louise Harrison, The Beatles

“He’d just go into another space. I felt maybe he was unhappy. He meditated for so long, for hours. It seemed to me as if he preferred to be in a meditative state than in a waking, conscious state. He liked the peace and calm.” - Pattie Boyd

“The house and the garden became an obsession with George. He found out everything there was to know about Sir Frank Crisp, how and why he built that extraordinary house and garden, why he wanted to re-create the Blue Grotto of Capri and build a mini Matterhorn in the Oxfordshire countryside. He wanted to get inside Sir Frank’s mind and fit into his old boots, and he seemed to want to do it alone. I can be obsessive, but then I get bored and need a change." - Pattie Boyd, Wonderful Tonight

"He’d garden at night-time until midnight [...] He missed nearly every dinner because he was in the garden. He would be out there from first thing in the morning to the last thing at night." - Dhani Harrison, Living in the Material World

“When she first met George she didn’t know what George was talking about half the time, he was always quoting Python or ‘The Producers’. He used to say to Olivia ‘Ah my little Swedish bombshell’ which she explained she obviously didn’t look Swedish, but it was a line from the movie The Producers.” - Greg, Olivia Harrison in Sydney

“Back at Friar Park, George runs through whole scenes of The Producers word for word - acting the parts out extremely well." - Michael Palin, Halfway to Hollywood: Diaries 1980–1988

"What was always embarrassing with him was that he knew everything backwards and forwards with Python, and he’d throw out a line expecting you to come back with whatever the response should’ve been. I didn’t know what he was talking about half the time." - Terry Gilliam, Concert for George (backstage interview)

"George quoted Bob like people quote Scripture. Bob really adored George, too. George used to hang over the balcony videoing Bob while Bob wasn’t aware of it. Bob would be sitting at the piano playing, and George would tape it and listen to it all night." - Tom Petty, Rolling Stone

"He got very into the uke. Actually, bordering on obsessively into the uke at some points, and uh, you know, he was taking me to George Formby conventions. That was when I started to notice that he was very into the ukulele. [laughs]" - Dhani Harrison, Breakfast with the Beatles

"I made some Rutle merchandise for Can’t Buy Me Lunch, but I gave it all to George who adored all Rutle stuff. I think the most successful present I ever gave him was a Rutle guitar, which Danny Ferrington made for me. It featured the Rutles looking out of the windows of a car, and George was thrilled with it." - Eric Idle, Greedy Bastard Diary

"The last time I saw George was in August, in Switzerland, on the Swiss-Italian border, where he was undergoing treatment for cancer. He played us all these old Hoagy Carmichael records. George had a lot of enthusiasms at various times, whether it was Bulgarian choirs or whatever. Once there was something he was enthusiastic about, he wanted the world to know." - Michael Palin, People

[pauls1967moustache]

Ok so I’m new here ( Beatles fandom ) and I’m just trying to learn as much as I can but once I think I feel like I’m getting a grip on things, I’m made very well aware that i don’t even know half of the lore with these boys. so would you be able to tell me where i can go to just deep dive learn about everything? The good, the bad , the ugly , the dark , ect

Idk if I’m the best person to ask bc my general approach to lore is just to learn through osmosis and have read exactly 0 (zero) Beatles books, but I’ll tell you how I went about it.

When I joined the fandom the main thing I did is just go through blogs I liked, (not even to learn stuff I just wanted to Look At more Stuff) which would inevitably have quotes and easily digestible shitposts about stuff which can give you a pretty good idea of lore even if it’s not the most accurate source. @amoralto is a wealth of sourced information which I often return to when I need to find something for a fic. @muzaktomyears also reads beatles books I have no interest in ever reading for myself and posts great quotes so that I won’t have to.

Also, you can always ask people! We’re all in this fandom bc we like talking about this stuff. Some of us may be more knowledgeable than others, but I’m sure if you pop into most people’s ask boxes and say like “I’m new here. What’s the deal with the divorce meeting?” they will be happy to either tell you themselves or point you in the direction of someone else who can.

The Beatles Bible is a good resource too. I use it a lot for the timeline feature (which isn’t perfect but is decent enough) but there’s also articles about basically everything (with quotes!) so it serves the same function as like a fandom wiki to me.

Lastly, I may be biased bc I’m a writer, but I always find the easiest way to learn lore for any fandom is simply by reading a bunch of fic lol. Maybe not the most historically accurate way, but if you go in knowing that there are artistic liberties everywhere you can start to pick up on common threads and events (fic was how I learned about the jp paris trip and the existence of Stuart sutcliffe, among other things).

Also, I will say, if you’re someone who likes going off and doing research, off you pop! Have fun! But if, like me when I joined the fandom, you’re simply trying get your bearings a bit, know that no one is expecting you to be a perfect Beatles historian. You are allowed to participate in the fandom even if you don’t know every little thing. And as I’ve said, you will pick it up as you go along!

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

hot take: nothing happened in india, nothing happened in the new york apple trip. paul didn’t reject john and john didn’t reject paul. there was no great conversation that led to a rejection. and john was not checked out of the band in 1968 even if he did bring in yoko to the studio. like even in get back, he does not seem checked out at all. a bit strung out and without sleep, sure. but like this man had energy, he was about playing with his boys. im not saying he completely liked being a beatle. there were things he was completely over with, as were all of them including paul. the mega pressure they were constantly put on, they were all tired of it, and it didn’t just come from one band member. mlh for example kept on emphasizing this the whole way through, im sure that was a burden for all of them - plus he would never shut up about it. even george though everyone likes to pretend he was done with the band too. there’s literal interviews of him in 1970 and 1971, heck even in 1973 talking about playing with the group. can we stop pretending paul was the only one who cared about the group and affected? i see this on twitter and tumblr, from old heads and newer fans and if you really look into it, read the interviews, watch the videos, it’s a completely different story altogether. now if you want to say they were tired of the format they’ve been operating under for the past 8+ years, yes completely I’ll give you that, but even paul was at that point too, it’s why he suggested to go back to the small intimate venues, get back to performing live. john was even discussing doing something similar in the early 1970s even though he called paul daft about the idea lol.

i guess i’d just like more nuanced takes on this site, and i feel like we had it on here in past, but recently it’s been more biased or geared towards the overly looking at everything through a shipping lens. but i just feel we lose some great insight when we do that. and people can post what they want, sure, but then when a post gets passed around like it’s gospel and makes it’s way to twitter or some other site like it’s facts, i just don’t see the point. like that one post about the mclennon hug at nme and paul shrugging john off. it made it’s way to twitter and i had a friend of mine ask me was paul always such an ass to john? what?

sorry for long post. you said hot takes and i just kind of went with it. appreciate your thouhhts!

Oh my goooooooood re: the NME hug thing. Also love that twitter is still copying tumblr though, we are the moment <3

I agree with most of your points. I do think India represented some shift to John, but I don't think that means anything specific happened with regard to Paul. Like, maybe! He definitely upended his life almost directly after returning from that trip and seemed disappointed it hadn't fixed his problems, and Paul could easily have had something to do with that (because Paul was important to John and a big part of his life!) but that doesn't necessarily mean a specific thing happened between John and Paul. I do get how that one convo in Get Back could be indicative of something. Generally I think the usual McLennon interpretation of that dialogue is plausible enough, but it's just by far not the only possible interpretation (and also people like CONSTANTLY forget Paul was always scheduled to leave early. maybe that upset John, but still).

I think the shipping lens is a worthy one to consider, but usually this stuff has tons of facets and I agree with you that it seems we're seeing less and less of those other facets and also more and more sharing of context-less factoids. It's hard because you don't want to barge in on every post and "spoil the party" (haha !) but it's also frustrating to see people sharing unconfirmed stuff as if it's a fact. And some people just don't take this stuff very seriously, I know, but, every time you check the notes, it's clear some people really do.

I think the number one thing I wish we had more of is interrogation of sources. Honestly, one of the least compelling pieces of "McLennon evidence" to me is people super peripherally involved with the Beatles or even biographers comparing John and Paul to a married couple. It's interesting and worthy of examination that John, Paul, and Yoko made this comparison; it's somewhat eyebrow-raising that Francie Schwartz, who got to watch them from up close for a short period but also clearly had an axe to grind + comes across kinda self-important, made this comparison at times; on the other hand, I literally Do Not Care if Bob Spitz or Ruth McCartney invoked this image lol. That's barely worth more to me than someone on tumblr posting a pic of John and Paul and saying Don't They Seem Gay Here?

ANYWAYS, is there any particular topic you think would be worth a more nuanced discussion, anon? :)

[nowordsformylove]

What’s your favourite solo song from each of the Monkees and/or Beatles? :p

I want to preface this by saying I listen to music at a snail pace so the only one of these guys who discography I’ve made it all the way through is John’s.

Starting with the Beatles

Paul: Wings era my fave songs are Silly Love Songs, Jet, Magneto and Titanium Man. For his solo stuff def Temporary Secretary bc that was my most listened to song last year, aughhhh it’s truly so hard to pick bc I love his music so much >.<

John: Mind Games, Look At Me, Oh My Love

Ringo: Occapella <3 and Goodnight Vienna :)

George: I Dig Love favoritest song ever <333 also love Blow Away

Now the Monkees… again prefacing this with the fact that I have barely listened to them outside of the Monkees discog.

Mike: Mama Nantucket, I Fall To Pieces, and Flying and it makes me so upset that it’s not available on Spotify cause I have to YouTube it whenever I want to listen :(

Davy: I have spent A LOT of time listening to Davy Jones 1971 Bell Recordings, my fave is probably Rainy Jane bc I used to watch this video of him performing it almost everyday. Other than that and his 1964 album I’ve only listened to his songs from The Point soundtrack (really good if you haven’t already checked that out). I recently preordered his Incredible album so I’ll be getting to that one soon :D and if 7a keeps releasing his solo stuff eventually I will have a full collection and will have gotten through his discog

Peter: um. I’ve only listened to his solo album one time a few months back but I don’t remember any of it so I really can’t give an answer here. 

Micky: very similar to Peter except I haven’t listened to any of his stuff YET. I am going to get to it soon tho bc I’ve been in a very Micky mood recently (as you can see by my queue lol). The only thing I have to say in regard to this is that I don’t like listening to live albums which I know he has a few, and I probably won’t listen to any of his albums that are cover songs (of songs I know or don’t care about ex: Micky Dolenz puts you to sleep, broadway Micky, Dolenz sings Nesmith, Dolenz sings REM) so that rules out a lot of his discog :\  love you Micky I’m sorry I am failing you </3

I would love to hear your answers too!!!

[motownfiction]

anesthetize

Lucy tells Dr. O’Reilly that if she could anesthetize her memories, she would.

“And it’s not that I want them to go away,” she says. “I don’t … I don’t want to forget anything. I just want to forget how they make me feel.”

“Which memories?” Dr. O’Reilly asks. “And how do they make you feel?”

Lucy sighs. She’s tired of answering obvious questions. More than that, she’s tired of the way Dr. O’Reilly always asks obvious questions – the kinds of things Lucy was obviously going to discuss without having to be prompted first.

“I keep going back to the first time Sam and I ever talked,” she says. “And I don’t mean the first time he ever asked me how to add one and three, or when I asked him if he was in line for the drinking fountain after art class. Though I guess it’s kind of funny that I remember that stuff.”

“Is it?”

Lucy almost rolls her eyes.

“I don’t know,” she says. “I said ‘I guess’ for a reason. Do you not understand what it means to convey uncertainty through understatement?”

“I think I understand you’re underestimating my intelligence.”

And with that, Lucy almost smiles.

“Kind of clever there,” she says. “Anyway, I don’t … I’m not surprised I remember all those early moments, getting to know Sam. I never … a lot of girls looked at him like he was their very own Paul McCartney or something, but I never saw him that way. I never felt that way about Sam, not even when I was little.”

“So, what drew you to him, then?”

Lucy sighs. She can feel herself almost grinning at the image of six-year-old Sam in his pale yellow uniform shirt, and she can’t believe they ever stopped being so small … any of them.

“I could tell that he was smart,” she says. “The real kind of smart, too, not just the kind that gets good grades. The kind of smart that was going to make a difference in somebody’s life, somebody’s world. I always … I always thought maybe he had me beat in that way. Though I was sure to never let him know it. Not a chance.”

She thinks she can see Dr. O’Reilly smiling, too.

“Anyway, I keep going back to this one time, second week of school, first grade,” Lucy says. “Back in first grade, gym class wasn’t split up between boys and girls. We had it all together. Our teacher had us doing this ridiculous obstacle course, and Sam and I weren’t even trying. We hung back, kinda like my daughters did whenever they had to run a mile in their gym classes.”

“My sister’s the same way,” Dr. O’Reilly laughs. “She wears this Elmo hoodie to gym class everyday. She thinks it keeps people from bothering her.”

“I’ll bet it works. Anyway, Sam and I weren’t trying, but we were talking to each other. Like for real. I think I had a conversation with Sam before I had a conversation with anyone else in our desk clump. Even before Sadie. Even before Will.”

“And what did you talk about?”

“He asked me what I did to get so smart. I told him I paid a lot of attention to my parents’ doctoral classes at Yale. I also told him they encouraged me to speak when I was less than one, and they encouraged me to read before I turned two.”

“Did you really use the verb encourage?”

“Of course I did. From where I sat, Sam was the smartest kid in class. He knew all the words to ‘Happiness Is a Warm Gun,’ which I knew from listening to him sing it when we were supposed to have silent reading time. If there was anybody in the room I needed to impress, it was Sam.”

Dr. O’Reilly has that knowing look in her eyes – the one that makes Lucy feel like she’s never known anything about herself or the world.

“What happened next?” she asks.

“What do you mean?” Lucy says. “Sam and I talked. He told me how much he liked The Beatles. He said his favorite song was ‘You Won’t See Me’ because nobody really talked about it, but he was open to changing his favorite at any time. I told him my favorite was ‘Things We Said Today,’ and I was pretty sure that wouldn’t change.”

“And did it?”

Lucy grins, but she’s not quite sure why.

“No,” she says. “It’s still my favorite. I wonder how much of that has to do with what I said to Sam. about it that day.”

“Me too,” Dr. O’Reilly says. “Did Sam invite you to do anything after that?”

“He asked me if I wanted to sit with him and his friends at lunch the next day,” Lucy says. “I told him I wasn’t sure, but as soon as he busted out that bag of M&M’s in class the next morning, I knew what I had to do. I knew … well, you know.”

“I’m not sure I do. Tell me, Lucy. When you and Sam first talked … when he asked you to join the rest of his friends for lunch at school the next day … how did that make you feel? Do you remember?”

Lucy nods.

“Of course I remember,” she says hotly. “I remember everything. It’s not hard.”

“How did it make you feel?”

Lucy sighs and folds her hands in the lap of her pretty red dress.

“It made me feel understood,” she says. “It made me feel … like for the first time in my whole six and a half years of life, someone other than my parents understood who I was. When I was in kindergarten back in Connecticut, I saw all these girls match up with their ‘best friends.’ I was never one of them. But when Sam started to talk to me … he looked me in the eye, and he knew what I meant. He never stopped knowing what I meant. And because he knew what I meant, so did Sadie. And so did Daniel. And so did … Oh, God, so did Will. I wouldn’t … I wouldn’t have shit if Sam hadn’t taken a chance on me. And I’m not even allowed to tell anybody I still miss him. I’m not even allowed to tell anybody I cried in the hospital bathroom that night he died.”

“Why is it a bad thing that you cried for him?” Dr. O’Reilly asks. “Why is it a bad thing to miss him, if he’s the first person who made you feel understood?”

“Because if Sam meant that much to me, you can’t even believe how much he meant to my husband – to our friends,” Lucy says. “He and Will had been best friends since they could hold their heads up on their own. Sadie was his twin. Daniel was his brother-in-law. Where did that leave me? The best friend’s wife, the twin sister’s best friend. Sam and I … we might have been close, but it wasn’t the same as it was with all of them. I don’t want them to think I’m blowing it out of proportion. I don’t have as much of a right to be sad as they do.”

Dr. O’Reilly sighs.

“Lucy, that’s not how grief works,” she says. “You can’t expect to move through it if you won’t let yourself acknowledge it’s there.”

“It’s been almost five years. If I acknowledged it now, I’d just be … I just can’t do that. It would set everybody back. Inefficient.”

“Grief is efficient. You can’t expect the machine to work without a few inspections, especially after a trauma. You know that.”

Lucy feels herself turning a deep red. She doesn’t even care. Not now.

“If I hadn’t met him … if I hadn’t ever known him, I would have a completely different life right now,” she says. “If I hadn’t met Sam … I think I’d always feel like I was speaking some strange robot language no one else can hear.”

The tears begin to sting the back of her eyes. She tries to roll them out, but it doesn’t work. It just burns.

“I never thanked him in the right way,” Lucy says. “So, just … give me whatever you can to make it numb, or send me to the people who can. I should be over this, but I … just don’t make me feel like this anymore. Just make it so that I don’t think about it anymore. Please. Please. Please.”

She doesn’t realize how hard she’s crying until she’s gasping in the chair.

(part of @nosebleedclub july challenge -- day xxii. yes, i know it’s nearly september. yes, i know this entry is particularly long. i am beyond the point of caring!)

[blixtbaby]

Here’s the excerpt from Bono’s new book, “Surrender”:

I’m sitting in the front seat of a red Range Rover. The driver, who picked me up from John Lennon Airport in Liverpool, is Paul McCartney. He’s taking me and Jimmy Iovine on a magical mystery tour through his hometown, showing us the neighbourhoods where the Four grew up. He’s pointing here, there, and everywhere. And apologising.

“You sure you’re interested in this?” “Oh yes,” I reply. “I couldn’t be more interested.” “Yeah? Okay, well, that’s where George’s neighborhood was. It was actually a rough neighborhood, George’s. Really Ringo’s was a little tougher. I’ll show you where he was in a minute. John’s was like a little nobby. Not too nobby, but a little nobby. And mine, my family were okay. We were over there.”

As he drives, he points out the window.

“There’s the 86 bus. Myself and John used to ride there, just gone by. You sure you don’t mind me telling you this?”

“Oh no, I don’t mind. Please go on.”

Do I mind? It’s like Moses giving you a tour of the holy land. It’s like Freud giving you a tour of the brain. It’s like Neil Armstrong giving you a tour of the moon It’s like Paul McCartney driving me through the geography of a music that has transformed my life. We pull up at a light.

“See over there? That newsagent? It’s changed a bit, but that’s where I had my first real conversation with John.”

Now I know a bit about The Beatles lore and wonder if his memory is playing tricks.

“But I thought your first conversation with John was when he was in the Quarrymen and they played at that fete in St. Peter’s Church.”

Paul looks at me with, I feel, some respect.

“Yeah, that’s true,” he says, smiling. “But I’m talking real, insightful stuff, not just ‘What sort of guitar do you use?’ or ‘What sort of tunes are you listening to?”

“Insightful? How do you mean?”

“Well, John bought a bar of chocolate, Cadbury’s chocolate, and when he came out of the newsagent’s he broke it in half. Gave me one half. I was amazed because, you know, back then, chocolate was really something. Most boys would break off a little square, but John gave me half his bar.”

I was musing on this as Paul put his foot on the accelerator and we moved off.

“I don’t know why I’m telling you that”

Perhaps he did know. I knew. In an instant it was clear to me that the greatest collaboration in the history of popular culture started with a fifty-fifty deal on a bar of chocolate. Lennon and McCartney. Born over a bar of Cadbury’s chocolate.

[bisluthq]

Nat do you have song/playlist reccomendations for the end of a ltr relationship that kinda just ran its course and you guys just felt like you didn’t know each other anymore…going thru a breakup and fighting for my life rn lol 🥲

Firstly, I'm sorry. That shit sucks. Secondly, okay so my playlists I think would link to my full government ID name if I link u directly (feel free to DM and I would share but idk about posting it here like because some people are weird lol as evidenced by the time a crazy Kaylor doxxed me and emailed a rando editor of mine anyway so I don’t want to make it easier). Anyway, I do have one lol and I’ll write some of it up. Playlists like this I shuffle like there’s no correct order:

Lonely - Emile Sande

Hate That You Know Me - Bleachers

So Long Marianne - Leonard Cohen

Guilty Party - The National

Beauty of the End - Paloma Faith

Graceless - The National

Morning Song - The Lumineers

The Hardest Part - Coldplay

Knowing Me, Knowing You - ABBA (actually a crazy amount of ABBA songs work lmao because yk how they all got divorced from each other 💀💀)

I Drink Wine - Adele (and actually most of 30 and I guess if you don’t drink you might prefer a different one)

Littlest Things - Lily Allen (when you feel bleak about it)

I Could Say - Lily Allen (when you’re like “actually I’m gonna be just fine”)

Foundations - Kate Nash (even when it’s not at all toxic but you just feel like you’re holding on for dear life and you really don’t want to be anymore listen to this song and remember all the little annoying things)

Love Me Again - Raye (when you kinda wish you could fix it lol u can’t but it can be nice to get in your feels)

Killer Whales - Smallpools

Babylon - SZA (feat. Kendrick)

Goodbye Girl - The Civil Wars

We Were Rock & Roll - Janae Monae (great for if you’re trying to feel a bit more upbeat/in a bittersweet mood)

If I Hated You - Fletcher (because it’d be so much easier if you hated them lol as she says in this song)

Someone New - Hozier

I’m Looking Through You - The Beatles

The Wire - Haim (depending on how self hatey you are)

happiness - Taylor Swift

How Did It End? - Taylor Swift

I can continue/share my actual thingie with u if you want (I’ll add HDIE and stuff on for you because it’s not on my existing one because I made mine a while back about a situation I’m no longer in lol).

good luck, that shit sucks. I also find there are a LOT of emotions even though it’s just run its course from anger and resentment to like “shit if only we could make this work” idk so you need a range of songs to get through it xx 😘

[weenis-man]

Dear Beatle fans that see the username Weenis Man slip into their activity page, I’m so sorry

incest/proship/racist/homophobic, all that junk, DNI my English is occasionally bad because it isn’t my first language, plus my tone-of-voice can be wonky over text due to it. Let me know if you need clarification and I’ll be glad to reword something I post bloody and gore drawings here and there, do not follow if you don’t like that. PLUS!!!!!! BIG GIANT PLUS HERE!!!!! I say ‘killing my self’ or ‘I’m going to kill my self’ in a JOKING MANNER and occasionally talk about other serious topics in a joke manner or even draw self harm onto characters. If this makes you uncomfortable I do not recommend following me (even though I do NOT post it frequently whatsoever). Stay safe guys

ALSO dear people looking through my page..PUT DRAWING IDEAS INTO MY INBOX!!!!! Ranfren, Beatles, Warrior Cats, Mouthwashing, whatever…ILL DRAW IT plus..if you plan on reposting my stuff on tumblr, add a funny hashtag!!!!!! add your favorite color in the tags or something!!!!! they make my day!!!!!!!! and if you want to repost my stuff on another platform, PLEASE DM ME FIRST WITH THE DETAILS!!!! anyway..have a very joyous day everyone, thanks for reading (if you didnt just skip to the end. Looking at you.)

[goboymusic]

We’re about to enter an era where #AI will produce music that’s on par with anything a human can make. It’ll be interesting to see if people prefer to consume #AIgenerated music over human-made music. My guess is no, as we tend to look to one another for inspiration, emotional resonance, hope, empathy, etc, rather than robots, but who knows. Are we going to prefer having a beer and shooting the shit with #ChatGPT over another human? Are we going to prefer listening to a robot talk / sing about depression, love, sex, etc when we know they haven’t experienced it? Probably not. My guess is that it’ll result in some popular “music as a utility” services that do things like auto-generate a soundtrack to your daily life, and it’ll result in some services where you can enter ideas like “what if My Humps was performed by Nirvana” or “what if Chop Suey was performed by The Beatles” and the AI will generate it. I’ll definitely mess around with those. That sounds really fun.

”The #Rochester #Police” was a filler song. An upcoming release required a specific, self-imposed number of tracks, and it was one track short, so this song was tossed together over the course of a few days.

For the record, I am not necessarily against police. I don’t like it when musicians get political, so I won’t choose to be on either side of that fence. All that I’ll say is that this song was made when I was a brash teenager, and my opinions have changed as I’ve aged.

Some of the lyrics were inspired by a video of Zach Johnson from @iseestarsmusic freestyle rapping in the parking lot of a venue that he had just performed in. That band and its members had a big impact on me as a teenager, being a successful young musical group in Metro Detroit. In reflection, I’d describe them as a group of young prodigies at the time. Lightning in a bottle.

The lyrics and song title are inspired by a few run-ins that I had with cops in my hometown. Being a mischievous teenager, my mischief finally went too far, and I landed in some hot water. Trespassing, disturbing the peace, hindering, that kind of stuff. No felonies, but an assortment of four or five or six misdemeanors. Those issues slowed my output during the tail end of GoBoy 1.

The lofi vocal effect was a necessity. Without it, the vocals weren’t working in my opinion.

The vocal skipping effect is clearly inspired by “Stay Fly” by @three6mafia.

I remember listening to “The Rochester Police” in the car with a friend before releasing it and him telling me that he couldn’t understand the lyrics. Rather than altering the mix to make the vocals more understandable, I released it and moved on. Sometimes, for mental / creative health, it’s best to throw in the towel and move on to the next project.

“The Rochester Police” was part of an album titled “Drop Out University,” which makes me cringe so hard my face looks like a raisin. I went through a phase where I thought higher education was socioeconomic insurance, rather than a place to learn, as you could learn a majority of educational topics on the internet. I regret it, alright?!? (excerpts from posts 14 and 18)

Drop Out University consisted of songs 18-22, in addition to remastered versions of “Emily” and each song of the N3RD EP (songs 10-15) (excerpts from post 18).

Following this song, there would be a five month gap in releases, three of which were spent making a music video for “Throwback (Song 23).” More on that in post 23.

[cybermoonmoon]

“...effort”

*From my COVID Journals. December 14th, 2020. 

So I'm in bed late this afternoon. The sun already down it looks like two in the morning. A loud knock. Finally, the cops have come to shoot me. Thought they'd never get here. No 9mm drama this time. 'Just a helpful neighbor checking to make sure I ain't dead yet. This happens now. 

Since March eight died of the Virus in the building. The knock was from my upstairs pal. She hadn't seen me in days. Keeps knocking she really wants me to be alive. I opened up, and we masked, and distanced chatted for a few minutes. Thanked her and said I was having the usual stuff we all are. She confirmed she's got the same, and that being active is the secret.

 A kindly soul ...said I was a favorite. She liked my stories of the times I lived through. Motown Beatles going to the Moon. Thoughtful youngster smart. I think I'm a grandpa figure for her. I respect and never take kindness for granted.

Today's numbers. I'll more than understand if you stop here.

419,000+ so far perished. About the same as U.S. combat deaths in WW2. 11,264 persons in this republic who were alive on this day a week ago are now perished thanks' to COVID and the tragic behaviors of our head of state.

20k+ ...20,000+ a week infected, and now over 3000+ die every day. 

CDC sez expect those numbers to be sustained for the next 60 to 90 days.  We are in a major War despite the slow drip of Vaccines. Even less because #45 among his final in-office acts of vindictive cruelty won't fund wide distribution. The vaccine sits in warehouses. 

His reasons if any only future historians will know.

I’d love to survive to see what history sez of these years. These people these times. Otherwise, I'm fine. Btw look in on folks you ain't seen. Call them zoom them text email heliograph telegraph bang on the wall or call to their window from the street. Like me they'll appreciate the effort.

*At the start of the pandemic there was a call to keep personal Journals. Many did. What they wrote and still write are not for us. All we see and now live will be forgotten...deliberately. Like last time. These works are for the future. For next time. Which will come much sooner than expected.

[ear-worthy]

“Spotify: Mic Check” Latest Episode: EQUAL Opportunities For Female Musical Artists

I have a confession to make. If it weren’t for the Spotify: Mic Check podcast, my playlists might include five artists in total. And three of them would be The Beatles. That’s just sad. But thanks to Spotify: Mic Check, I get the opportunity to listen to music from around the world and from U.S.-based artists who have gotten exposure from Spotify’s EQUAL program.

Spotify has released the newest episode of its original podcast series, Spotify: Mic Check, focusing on several voices from Spotify’s EQUAL program, which is committed to extending resources and generating more impactful opportunities for women in music.

You can listen to the full episode here.

In this episode, Spotify: Mic Check sits down with a few artists/ambassadors who have seen first-hand success from the EQUAL program, including Mickey Guyton, Silvana Estrada, Margaret, JOPLYN, and BruSes. The talented group of artists covers important topics including gender equity, advocating for other female artists, tapping into vulnerability to write music and more.

Available to stream for free exclusively on Spotify, please see below for interview highlights in the episode.

Mickey Guyton on uplifting other rising female country artists and making an impact. “If I see an artist and a woman that’s talented, I’ll pick up the phone, and I’ll call my A&R, and I’ll be like, “Hey, I met this girl. I’ll send her music over”, whatever, because that’s how you pay it forward. And that’s the only way that I believe things will get better in this industry for women as a whole.”

Silvana Estrada on how music has helped her find her place and voice in the world. “I grew up in a family of musicians. My parents, both my mom, she’s a clarinet player and my dad, he’s a double bass player. And they also make instruments. I also grew up feeling like music is a beautiful tool, like to create community and to create identity. And I learned through music kind of my role in this world. And because of that, I’m super grateful every day.”

Bruses on tapping into deeper pain and vulnerability to create her music. “Um. I had a bad car accident when I was 20, about five years ago. And I died. I actually died. I went into a coma and I woke up and that just changed my entire life. I knew that I wanted, or at least I had to try, to be an artist, and I had to write about this stuff that I was feeling, you know? And I was, I was ready to talk about my issues, my real issue, which is living with depression and anxiety…”

Margaret on equity and advocating for women in music. “Sisterhood is really a big thing in my art, in my songs. But sometimes when it comes to talking about it, just it’s too many emotions for me sometimes. I get very emotional. Have this record label. So I always make sure that amount of artists is equal, so if you have one male artist, then I’m like, okay, so now I’m going to look for a female artist. So it’s always like, you know, 50/50, showing that like women are as just talented as men.”

JOPLYN on encountering sexism in the music industry. “…and of course, you tend to get sexualized a lot. Especially as a female deejay, I feel like what happens when you’re on stage deejaying, you hear comments from left and right, and it’s not a good feeling. But I think as, uh, as awful as all of that is, I think it’s also like such a chance always to be the odd one out because you always, you know, stand out. You’re always, whether you want to or not, part of the movement and getting more women into this world because the moment you put yourself out there as a woman doing what you’re doing and like showing how passionate you are about that, you’re actively working on more.”

You can listen to the full episode here.

[get-back-homeward]

“You can read the other boys’ side to find out I’m the stinker. I think I’m right. But don’t we all! You couldn’t believe it! It’s a movie! Because I’ve had to take this action against the others, it looks like we can’t stand each other. I can really only speak for myself, but I still like the other three. And maybe it’s deeper than “like.” But at the moment, I’m not stuck on them. I’m not pleased. We are not amused at the moment! I am not loving them. But I know when it’s over I will really like them. People said, “It’s a pity that such a nice thing had to come to such a sticky end.” I think that too. It is a pity. I like fairy tales. I’d love it to have had the Beatles go up in a little cloud of smoke and the four of us just find ourselves in magic robes, each holding an envelope with our stuff in it. But you realize that you’re in real life, and you don’t split up a beautiful thing with a beautiful thing.”

“You know, there’s like three periods in my life. There’s the time when I was at school and just after leaving it. That was when I used to read a lot—Dylan Thomas, paperbacks, a lot of plays, Tennessee Williams, things my literature master had turned me onto. I used to sit on the top level of buses, reading and smoking a pipe. Then there was the whole sort of Beatle thing. And just now again I feel I can do what I want. So it’s like there was me, then the Beatles phase, and now I’m me again.

It’s rather serious—life. And you can’t live as if you have nine lives. I find myself doing that often. I think everybody does, saying in his mind, “I’ll get it tomorrow.” But I can’t do that anymore. Take One with the Beatles should have been like I said, with a puff of smoke and magic robes and envelopes. But we missed Take One, so now we do Take Two. And in the disappointment of Take Two—I feel I can always find something good in the bad—the good thing is that it really has made me come to terms more with my life. As a married couple, Linda and I’ve really become closer because of all those problems, all the decisions. It’s been very real what I’ve been through, a breath of air, in a way, because of having been through very inhuman things.

The Beatle thing was fantastic. I loved every minute of it. It was beautiful. But it was a very sheltered life. Why, somebody would even ring me up in the morning and say, “You’ve got to be at Apple in an hour.” It got very nursemaidy. If you are a real human, you’ve got to wake yourself up. You’ve got to take on these tedious little things because out of the tedium comes the joy of life…”

Life: Paul McCartney talks about the Beatle breakup and his new life. (April 16th, 1971)

(Note: I’ve temporarily removed the page scans from this post because Tumblr doesn’t seem to be uploading the inline-images in their original resolution as they should be. Will see to an alternative display solution, if I don’t figure something out within Tumblr itself!)   

—

An interview by Richard Meryman

So the separation became a divorce. On the last day of 1970, Paul McCartney filed suit in London against John Lennon, Ringo Starr and George Harrison to dissolve their partnership of the Beatles & Co. McCartney charged that their business manager, Allen Klein, was incompetent, and that the far-flung business affairs of their corporation, Apple, were a vast bookkeeping mess. Then the strained silence that had gripped the famous quartet for months became a war of words. In the course of a rambling 30,000-word interview in Rolling Stone, John accused Paul of trying to run the show. “We got fed up with being sidemen for Paul,” he said. George said he had once walked out because Paul had demonstrated a “superior attitude” toward him musically. Ringo claimed that Paul—“completely out of control”—had berated him over a conflict of album publication dates and said, “I’ll finish you!” Until now, Paul himself has remained silent. Recently he agreed to the following interview, in which he explains his motives and speaks in his defense. 

McCartney was interviewed in Los Angeles, during a recording session for his new album Ram. The album, which was partly recorded in New York, contains 11 new songs by Paul, including several written in collaboration with his wife Linda. It is scheduled for release May 15.

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