#I’ll actually be posting later I can’t brink myself to watch now

[sad-emo-dip-dye]

It’s Valentine’s Day and you want me to watch Dark Era?! Happy wungo Wednesday I guess 😔

[graphite1127]

hey. HEY! make that k-pop post you want to do!

I am so glad you asked!

I like k-pop, and I’m tired of pretending I don’t. I recognize that there are problems within the community, but I want to get it off my chest that I still enjoy it as a genre. I say this because it’s literally the only “fandom” I’m a part of that I’m not open about.

It’s hard to put into words, but I’m going to try. Because I think I know why I never talk about it as one of my interests, and it has everything to do with the obvious:

- Some fans are insane (and not just about shipping real people)

- The unrealistic beauty standards are always right in your face

- Idols are pushed to the point of developing eating disorders among other things; their lives are very restricted.

These are serious problems. They can’t be ignored and brushed aside, so when you say you like k-pop, you risk others assuming that you condone all the bad stuff that comes with it. There’s a negative stigma.

This is not a post apologizing for other people’s behavior. If anything, I’m trying to call it out. Like maybe if I bring attention to what the actual problem is, we can help fix it.

I was very hesitant to get into k-pop. When I was being introduced, it was via someone I barely knew who was obsessive in a way that made me uncomfortable. I thought, “This community is not okay. K-pop is a nightmare.”

But much later, when my sister got into it, I backtracked and thought to myself, “You know, I’ve been a part of fanbases that are less than ideal. Maybe I’ll just check it out and it won’t be that bad.” And it really wasn’t.

There was so much variety within the music. The music videos were so much more interesting (I never watched mv’s that much before because they seemed really dull, but now I love them). The groups dance as well as sing. And there’s overall just so much content. It gave me more entertainment that actually made me happy.

I think that’s the part of it that I’m trying to spread to others. The music itself and the group members are overall very uplifting! And I found myself getting more and more into it as time went on. The more you watch/listen, the more you enjoy and all that. Even my mom really enjoys it, and it’s given us more to talk about.

And if k-pop just isn’t something that piqued your interest? For no particular reason? That’s okay! This post isn’t to pressure you to suddenly enjoy it; I’m mostly just ranting with no direction.

Maybe this is a cry for help. Like, if better people become involved with it, we can lessen the toxicity? Fuck if I know. Again, this is a directionless rant. There is no clear purpose. I tend to ramble and I’m sorry. Maybe someone else can put it into better words instead of sounding like a 12-year-old defending pewdiepie or some shit.

But yeah, if you were on the fence about it and don’t know where to start, I’ll list a bunch of stuff in a bit.

Bottom line: Please acknowledge the problems within the k-pop community. They need to be addressed and fixed. Also please understand where the problems stem from.

The problem isn’t this:

It’s this:

Don’t be a jerk! Enjoy stuff, but not at the expense of others - i.e. working idols to the brink of exhaustion, obsessing over them, not letting them live their own lives, sending death threats and hate comments, bashing others because you really like one group in particular. Cause that shit is insane and though I know for certain the majority are good people, the bad ones stick out like a sore thumb and leave a much greater impact.

Be one of the good ones! There’s lots of genres of k-pop, so here’s some stuff that I personally enjoy if you’re interested:

No Rules - TXT (check out the dance practice for this one too if you want) This one’s been in my head all week. It’s your average pop song but it is so so catchy.

God’s Menu - Stray Kids rap/hip hop, it goes hard, one of my favorites

Singularity - V This is actually by BTS, but it’s a solo song by V. It has an R&B vibe to it if you’re into that *chef’s kiss*

Dumb Dumb - Red Velvet Their music videos are always some of my favorites.

K.O. - SF9 The dance practice for this one is one of the best I have ever seen. It’s what I’ve linked. Right off the bat, they start with this crazy pinwheel thing. It’s really neat.

Shoot Me- Day6 has an alternative rock feel to it. This group actually plays instruments. They’re a band-band.

Hot Sauce - NCT Dream This one has a latin pop vibe to it, very fun and upbeat

Other favorites of mine:

-Humph! by Pentagon

-Mansae by Seventeen

-Drunk-Dazed by Enhypen

-Awkward Silence by Stray Kids

-Ugh! by BTS

-Mic Drop also by BTS

-Ko Ko Bop by EXO

-Make a Wish by NCT U

-Married to the Music by SHINee

-We Do by SuperM

-Very Good by Block B

(Among many others)

Uh, so yeah. I’m not sure where else to go with this. I just have a lot of feelings and I don’t know how else to share them. Thank you for coming to my ted talk. Send tweet.

[silyabeeodess]

FusionFall Fic: Wayward Souls pt.2

Read Part 1 Here

Weeks later, Wirt didn’t feel any more at ease.  It was slow, but the gap between when fusion fighters revived and when they regained consciousness only grew until a handful of them simply wouldn’t wake up at all.  

Not that they were dead: It was more like a coma.  At first, people wondered if the Resurrect ‘Ems had somehow broken, saving the body while leaving the soul behind.  It was so severe that even Grim got involved.  However, further investigation revealed that the soul was still present, just... hard to reach.

It didn’t make sense.  Every fusion fighter’s soul was bound to the Resurrect ‘Ems via magical contract.  Wirt remembered having to sign one himself, how the foreign ‘ink’ seemingly burned his name into the paper and how it felt as though something tugged at his chest when he finished writing it.  It wasn’t the kind of thing anyone could break easily.  The problem was that that wasn’t impossible either.  For example, while the contracts made it more difficult, there was still a chance that beings like Demongo and his fusion could still steal souls.  Which meant that monster likely could as well...  

He still wasn’t sure whether or not everything about the Unknown was something his oxygen-deprived mind had made up, but he couldn’t shake away the memory of the soldier who knew the Beast’s song.  The timing was too perfect: It was too big of a coincidence.  And it ate away at his mind every day on the job.  If the Beast was somehow involved, then countless people were in danger.

None of them knew that though, not like he did.  Wirt had tried prodding other fusion fighters to see if any of them shared memories of a place similar to the Unknown before they regained consciousness, but hadn’t had any luck with their answers.  They seemed confused when asked, as if trying to recall something from a dream.

He really didn’t want to pry more than that, knowing it would only lead to trouble, but Wirt didn’t think he had a choice.  So, with a foreboding feeling clenching at his heart, he approached the cloaked skeleton inspecting the area’s Resurrect ‘Em.  

Normally, Wirt avoided every kind of supernatural being; he even shirked runs to Grim Gardens to keep from interacting with the Underworlders that worked there.  Having the Reaper himself come and inspect their Resurrect ‘Em--out of the worse ones--was a chance that shouldn’t be passed up.  He felt a lump form in his throat as eyeless sockets peered back at him after a tap on the shoulder.

“H-h-hi, uh...!  E-excuse me, Mr. Reaper?  Do I call you that...?” his voice cracked and he he cleared his throat, “I work here, and I might have an idea of what’s wrong--”

Those sockets narrowed.  He couldn’t stammer out his explanation before a boney hand waved him aside, “Not now, child!  Can’t ya see I’ve got me work cut out for me here?”

That alone was almost enough to make Wirt give up.  He knew Grim wasn’t being rude: He was just as frustrated as everyone else--if not more--about the recent events.  The real issue was that Grim didn’t have to even try to be terrifying to make the young man’s blood run cold. 

Ok! I’m not as used to the supernatural as I thought!

He tried to pull himself together, turning away for just a second to take a deep breath and work out his nerves.  He flexed his fingers, hoping that would quickly drain the anxious energy that made him want to wring his hands.  He couldn’t stay this way if he was going get the Underworlder to listen.  

You’re being stupid! Think of Pottsfield: Ignore the scythe and he’s not much different than those guys... You can do this: Lives are on the line.  

That was right... If what he knew was important and he kept it to himself, people could actually die.  He wasn’t a soldier, but he was a field aid: It was his job to save them.  Reminding himself of that once again gave Wirt the last bit of strength he needed. 

“It’s really important!” He turned back around, this time able to keep both his voice and expression steady.  

The firmness in his tone, that told the reaper he wasn’t going anywhere until he heard what he had to say, brought Grim’s unamused, doubtful gaze back onto him.

“Look, I’ll admit, I don’t know the first thing about souls or magic or... whatever kind of occult power you use to make those,” he pointed to the Resurrect ‘Em, “but I’ve helped take care of the people here since the war started.  I caught one of the soldiers singing something that I’ve only heard once, when I was close to death myself.

“Have you ever heard of the Beast?  Or the Unknown?  It was his song!  I know it!”

Grim didn’t have to answer.  His ‘eyes’ widened knowingly.  After his initial surprise, rather than speak, the reaper looked away and tapped his chin in thought.  

Only after a minute did Wirt hear him murmur under his breath, “...yes, I suppose dat could be it.  Dat parasite, if he’s breakin’ da rules now, of all times...”

“You know him?!” Wirt couldn’t hide his disbelief, but even he didn’t know whether he came more from the fact that Grim understood exactly what he had implied or that his theory had apparently been completely on-point. 

“Of course I do!  I reap souls: He’s one of da creatures dat takes dem,” Grim almost seemed offended that he even asked.  Nevertheless, the anger in his voice was directed at another, distant someone. “And I know de Unknown as well.  For most mortals, it’s a subconscious realm ya can only enter in dreams or at da brink of death.  However, if ya make it out, most of your memories of de place don’t typically come back wit ya.”  Here, he gave the field aid a curious glance, “If dey did, it’d probably be because you’ve already been exposed to supernatural forces.”

Considering that he’d lived what he considered to be a pretty normal life up until that fateful Halloween, that confused Wirt.  Rather than question it though, he let it slide to focus on the matter at hand.  “I didn’t think the Beast would still be around...” He didn’t know what happened after he left the Unknown and returned home with his brother, but he thought the Woodsman would somehow deal with him.  Looking back, what if he’d made a mistake, giving back the lantern and leaving the old man by himself? 

“He went quiet some time ago, but if he is the cause of dis, den we need to act as soon as possible.  We’ll gather a team.  I can open a portal to dat place, and you can search for the souls of the unconscious fusion fighters.”

Although he didn’t understand how that worked, Wirt nodded.  At least now they had some kind of plan.  Still, it took him a second longer to digest the full of the reaper’s words.  We... You...

His voice cracked again, nearly rising a whole octave, “...what?”

((Quick note, since I know some people who’ve watched OTGW might probably know the references to Dante’s Inferno and understand that the Unknown is supposed to be based on a kind of limbo/purgatory: I 100% agree for the show’s canon, but I wrote it as a place overlapping with the subconscious due to how the Unknown is presented in the comics.  In them, we not only have the context of Anna--the Woodsman’s daughter--being born in the Unknown and her family having an entire history there, but we also see Greg, his frog, Wirt, and even possibly Sarah there post-show on another series of adventures through dreams.  That considered, there may be more to the various inhabitants of the Unknown outside of just lost spirits and I wanted to leave that more open.))   

[marshmallowprotection]

Kait Reacts To The AE 6/?

Hi! These reactions are written out every time a Chatroom opens and it’s done over the course of the day. So, you’re watching me react in real time as it is for me. So, Spoilers AHOY. Expect Another post like this later today, there is just too many chats to put it all in one post. So, hey, if you click this, you’re opening yourself to spoilers, you make the choice.

[18:00]

Hey, so this is a heavy chat. A lot happens and I have a lot of feelings in my heart and most of them are not kind. I’m usually the type of person that wants to see good in people but I see no good in Rika Kim and I never will. I cannot let myself trust V anymore, either. Not after his reaction in this shared chatroom with him and Rika. I just can’t. I can’t deal with him or her anymore because the two of them are so—

I’ll get into it. 

You jump into the chat and ask Rika if she feels guilty for what she did. She says, “I didn’t do anything. It was the Prime Minister. He should have known better than to bite the dog that is bigger than he. All of you, all of you should know better than to do this.” She blames them for what’s happening, and she acts like she has done nothing wrong. She allowed this to happen by letting the agency and the Prime Minister know that she’d do as they wanted as long as she got to keep her freedom.

This chatroom has... Rika telling you that she’s done denying herself, she is wicked, she is vindictive, she is her devil and she just doesn’t care about anything but herself. It’s all about Rika, it’s all about what Rika wants, and what Rika wants, Rika is going to get no matter how dirty her hands have to become in the process. She even jests that it’s selfish, like it’s some kind of a game. This isn’t a game.

But, I wanna see what she’s thinking so I prod deeper. 

She says that Saeran should give up hope. That there’s nothing he can do and that he’s weak against Saejoong and the hackers. But, I tell him not to give up hope if he’s looking at the chatroom. I know he has to be. He’s at C&R so that has to be case. Rika says that they’re not good people, but neither is she, so that’s why they get along. They work together even if they don’t see the same deal and keep their secrets. 

I don’t like that. 

She keeps saying to the RFA to forget the twins. 

To forget everything. 

Live on.

Live on while Rika gets her Selfish Wish [the name of the chat.]

And let me tell you when I screamed, I screamed when this happened because this is what I’ve been trying to tell people for years about the problem with being able to forgive or judge. 

People who hurt you can apologize, but you don’t owe them shit for it. You don’t owe them anything. Ever. You can hate them forever if that is what you want. You don’t have to accept an apology. Nor do you have to see them ever again. It’s your choice to forgive, and it’s your choice to not forgive someone and thank fucking Christ the game let me say this to Rika Kim’s fucking face. 

You really get to call her out in this chatroom, too. I’m floored at this because it’s all I’ve ever wanted to do. You don’t get to move on and act like you didn’t make a fucking cult and harm hundreds of people. You don’t get to move on and act like nothing happened when you abused, tortured, and gaslit Saeran Choi for so many years. No. You don’t. You don’t get to be selfish. You don’t get that. You don’t have that right. 

She makes a final plea to Saeran: To Give into her wish. 

I tell him not to lose hope. 

V comes into this chatroom and this is the point where I reach my fucking end of confusion about him and I give up on him. I’m disappointed in you, Jihyun Kim and I do not think I ever will have that restored. I am angry with you and I am so sad that you were on the brink of getting back and you went back, and now you have resigned yourself to this and let others hurt. I thought that when you went to Rika it was to make her leave the cult and never return, taking all the pain for yourself. 

But, no. You sold out everything and everyone for Rika and unless something is going to change, and I highly doubt that, I cannot trust you ever again, Jihyun. I hate that you will suffer but your suffering has caused the suffering of our loved ones, and I thought you would never hurt them, but you did. This hurts me a lot and that’s why I have so much to say. 

That being said, V says that when Saeran comes: You can go. You will be free. We won’t hurt you. 

Rika: You don’t have a choice. This is their future. 

Rika leaves. 

This is the moment where I give up on V. 

That’s not what you were supposed to say. You say, “I will be fine.” I’m not asking about you, Jihyun. I’m asking about if you’re okay with what is going on right now and if you’re okay that you’re destroying everything as you burn like Icarus in Rika’s sun. I’m not worried or concerned with you. You’ve betrayed my faith in you. 

I want you to be happy but... as it remains right now, I cannot trust you or be close to you ever again. I thought I knew you. But, apparently, I don’t. 

[19:23] 

Alright. I’m rattled to my core and I’m not better than I was when I last checked in with you. In fact, this one actually made me cry. I’m still a bit... choked up on what I just saw and. There’s a lot to talk about. So, I guess I’ll just start with the chatroom. It’s with Zen and Jumin. Zen tries to ask what’s up but we really can not talk about it... you know, cause Rika and the others can see it but he’s doing okay as he can. Although, the doctors knocked him out without his consent with the drug?

Is it about his healing speed? That’s not okay. Don’t do shit without someone’s consent. Jumin’s not okay. I can say that certainly. There’s a phone with him right after all of this and he just... he’s tired. He doesn’t want to talk. He masks his pain and says what he needs to say and then he leaves before you can ask him if he’s okay. I’m concerned for him. He wants to take all of this blame and still help us. 

Jumin Han is a fucking saint. 

I love him. Nobody ever talk shit about this man. I swear to God, he’s always going above and beyond for everyone in this fucking group. He doesn’t even have to do this and he does it. He has a big heart. The media is getting worse, they’ve started to talk about Zen in a bad light... Yoosung... it’s not good, it’s just a fucking mess. He doesn’t even know if he can get on the stage ever again or if Yoosung can... go to classes. 

We were heroes, he said, and now... I don’t know. 

Jumin just leaves the chatroom after he updates us. He’s... I’m worried, you know? Zen promises that he’s looking out for us and he wants to be there, and he sends a selfie and that almost boosted my mood. Now, we jump into the end of the chat. We get a ping from Seven. 

We close the phone and open the visual novel. Saeyoung is awake, but he tells us to be quiet. Rika literally threatens us if we try anything and says that she will not hesitate if we ruin her selfish wish. Once she’s said her peace and made her threat known, she leaves. 

And we’re alone with Saeyoung. I theorized that we would get a moment with Saeyoung alone in my big analysis post but I never thought that this would be the way that it would happen. He says what I thought he would want to say to us and this is when I started to actively tremble in the game. I can hear it in his voice, and he’s hurting. He’s hurting so fucking much and I never thought this would be the way that I would get to talk to Saeyoung about Saeyoung and what we’ve been doing. 

I didn’t even get to tell him about Saeran or how he’s been doing or what’s going on. No. Rika and V robbed of this. Saeyoung has his phone, and that’s when he drops a big bombshell on me about Vanderwood that I didn’t even consider as I was playing earlier because I was so fucking torn open about what was had just happened to me that I wasn’t thinking. 

Vanderwood ran from the agency. They planted a shitload of intel and info on Saeyoung’s voice so he could use it against the agency. It’s all on his phone and all he has to do is use it to ensure that they go down and we can escape. He’s thinking that he will suffer behind here. He refuses to let Saeran suffer, his words are, “At least Saeran must have nothing stopping him from doing whatever he wants and finding himself whenever he wants.’ 

Saeyoung Choi is a selfless man. 

He wants to stay with Saeran and make sure he’s happy. The goal is to attack the agency, not Saejoong, they are the ones keeping us locked up and trapped like this. He paid them money for it. He will continue to pay them to get power and what he wants while the boys suffer. He refuses to let that happen. I don’t want to leave him, but he’s not giving me much of a choice here. 

He won’t let me do that. 

I think that he’s going to focus on this but then, this is the moment where I’ve utterly lost faith in Jihyun Kim as a man. I will not forgive him. I cannot. I don’t care what happens ahead, all of his actions right now are not something that I can forgive. Nobody will. He knows he’s wrong. He knows this is wrong but he acts like this is all he can do. He says to give up. He says that he has to take the phone because Saeyoung, Rika, and Saeran will suffer if Saeyoung fights back and this is it.

Just accept Hell.

This is the only way. 

V: There is nothing you can do. I tried to help you, I really did. But, there’s a reason why the term impossible exists.

I say what I’ve been saying to myself: 

This is where I started fucking sobbing and I haven’t stopped crying since this goddamn Visual Novel. Saeyoung gets on his fucking hands and knees and begs for his brother to be safe and V just spits in his face. Saeyoung pleads, “Not Saeran, not Saeran! I’ll do anything. I’ll do anything they ask and I will work harder then the two of us would together tenfold. Please, I swear I will not run away or anything! You know I wouldn’t!” 

He begs and pleads until the last second and V ignores it. This isn’t for the best, V, you know it, and you need to stop. I cannot forgive you for what you’ve done for Rika. You’re aware that you’re in the wrong and you aren’t going to help out here, you’ve chosen and you’ve chosen to ignore us and our pleas for help, we could win if you and Rika hadn’t turned against us. If you had been willing to give us help, then this wouldn’t be fucking happen. 

You know that? 

You added to the problem by offering Saeran and Saeyoung’s lives to keep Rika and her selfish wish happy. Saeran and Saeyoung will never forgive you and I can’t say I ever will now even if something changes by day 4. 

[21:02]

Welcome back. I’m tired of this. 

V had made his point of view known. I’ve said it before and I’ve said it again, he will let all of us burn so Rika can have what she wants and so the boys are alive and it doesn’t matter if it’s what we want or not. He doesn’t care anymore. He’s aware that he’s in the wrong here. He knows that. He just... ignores it, and he is ignoring reality for the sake of a selfish wish. 

He even says that Saeyoung won’t stop. They’re going to have to keep drugging him over and over, is what is implied. Even if Saeran can... “placate” his nerves by being there. I don’t like that tone and I’m... this has been a really hard day for me and V. I wanted him to be... not. this. But, this is what’s life and I can’t ignore it because he’s pissed me off. 

He’s not playing a long-con. 

He’s given that up. I’ve said what I have to say. I’m done with you, V. I’m just... I’m so done with you right now that I can’t even fucking deal with you. Stop doing this for the love of Christ. 

Anyways, the Visual Novel opens up and— They know about phone now and they know that Saeyoung had information. They’re going to change the server and that opens them to attack. This is the time for Saeran to strike and he has to do it now. He said that he may not be able to contact us. He’s going to be working and I trust him. I have faith in him so I’m going to wait and listen even if I’m grinding my teeth to dust as I watch Saeyoung suffer. 

Oh. Jumin had the doctors do that because we all know that Zen heals without a lot of... issue. They tested him to nullify the drugs. Okay, okay, okay, Jumin has a fucking go-plan. I don’t know what the hell is about to come but I know that we are in for a long fucking night, oh my God. 

I called V after this.

You tell him that he's wrong for what he did. He says, yes, but what did you expect? Saeyoung is crafty. He can't risk Rika's dream, and he can't risk the life that they're trying to build with this cage around Saeran and Saeyoung. You can say that Saeyoung thought of him well, and he ignores that and says he's doing what must be done because nothing can be changed. This is how it will be. He literally told me not to interfere or he would... do something. 

 He says "Once RIKA changes, it won't be so bad." He says "Please, wait?" I disagree. I will never agree. He says that there's no hope once more. He says that he hopes we never change and we stay strong in our heart. 

He says that.. you WOULD HAVE had good influence on Saeran. That Rika and himself envy what I have, my kindness. They don't have that, but they have something else. I ask him if he's going to fess up, change, and admit he's wrong. He says he won't change until Rika does. He said, don't do anything. Please. Or else. It's implied.

I basically hung up and said "I don't really have a choice, you kidnapped me."

[23:13]

So, we’re treated to a very short chatroom here. No surprise, really. Zen comes and lets us know that he feels that hope is lost. He thinks there’s not point and that we have to give up if we want to achieve anything anymore. He hates it and it’s horrible, but he and Jumin spoke and it just concluded that they shouldn’t be using the messenger and that we should avoid it. He promises that when we do return, however that is, he’ll be waiting there for us to reassure us. I needed that, honestly, my first route love, thank you for looking out for me. 

It’s really an end note. 

It feels like we’re going to hit a wall and THEN—

BANG, BOOM, BAM. 

Vanderwood didn’t actually leave! The bug they fucking planted? A decoy! A lie! A falsehood! They were working with Saeran and Jumin the entire time but they couldn’t tell me. Vanderwood, I love you, oh my God. I knew you weren’t going to stick your neck out but you really do love Saeyoung, even if a lot of comes from the idea that you’ll be given safety from the agency after this comes out and things are better. I’m so happy I could weep. 

Thank  God. 

Zen made me think I was going to hit a fucking bad ending. 

Oh... and Saeran calls after, and he made a secure call channel, but they are fucking jamming all the calls and he can’t hold it for very long so we have to be talking really fast. I’m weeping because it’s starting to glitch out and he just tells me that he loves me and I tell him I love him and—

I love him but I’m scared. I’m scared that something bad might happen on the 3rd day that will keep us apart or hurt him or I’ll hit a bad ending and he’ll suffer for me. I don’t want that. I want us to be happy. He’s working so hard right now and I just... I have to have faith in him, and the RFA. I always do. So, I’m holding out for a hero.

[profoundnet]

Header by @cryptomoon and is available on merch from her redbubble store. You can use all those fancy emojis (and more!) on our Discord server!

The Masterpost is open for all creations by ProfoundBond members which are posted in their entirety during that month.

MEMBER CONTRIBUTIONS FOR OCTOBER 2019!

Featuring works from @saywhatjessie, @mittensmorgul, ArielAquariel, @doespeterparkerisgay, @banshee1013, @andimeantittosting, Erratus, @cool-fallen-angel, @malallory, @castielslostwings, @nickelkeep, @bringmefleshandbringmewine, @sarasaurussex, iCeDreams, @emiliaoagi, @leafzelindor and @rauko-is-a-free-elf!

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JessJesstheBest - @saywhatjessie​ - JessJesstheBest

On The Line (T, 23k)

“Well, can I scam you?” Dean’s spoon was frozen, forgotten, halfway between his bowl and his mouth. “Did you just ask if you could scam me?” “Yes.” The guy said, cool as anything. “Can I scam you?”

Or the one where Cas is a scam caller and Dean just keeps intercepting his calls.

Tags: Alternate Universe, Human AU, Scam Caller au

mittensmorgul - @mittensmorgul​ - MittenWraith

Lifetime Piling Up (E, 59k)

Cas is having a bad day. He burned his bagel, missed his ride to work and had to run to the hospital in the pouring rain, and then witnessed his attending accidentally kill a patient during a routine surgery. Now he might be on the hook for his boss’s mistake, but was it really a mistake, or is he the next target of Dr. Nick Morningstar’s sick mind games?

Dean is also having a bad day. His brother nearly set his kitchen on fire, he’s training a new apprentice in his tattoo shop, and then he gets a mysterious call that Sam needs a ride to the hospital after a freak accident in the pouring rain left him with an injured shoulder. A chance encounter at the hospital leads Dean and Cas to each other after a decade of coincidences and premonitions, and suddenly their worst day might become the foundation for all of their best. A story of choice and destiny, and the power of found family, foretold through uncanny tattoos.

Tags: AU-modern setting, tattoo artist!Dean, surgeon!Cas, angst and fluff and smut

ArielAquariel - ArielAquariel

Quoth the Raven (G, 6k)

Dean Winchester didn’t believe in the occult. Werewolves were a myth, Nessie was a hallucination, and bigfoot was just a large hairy man who enjoyed strolling naked through the woods. He thought that crystals were a load of shit, and a smudge stick would do nothing but make your house smell like burnt sage. He didn’t believe in God, let alone ghosts. Finally, and he was 100% sure on this one, he didn’t believe in witches. Or Wicca. Or whatever they wanted to call it. His point? Everything could be explained. That is, everything but the dark-haired man walking through campus with a spellbook and a raven for a familiar…

Tags: Misunderstandings, Fluff, Pining Dean Winchester, Pining Castiel (Supernatural), Alternate Universe - College/University, Meet-Cute, Animal Lover Castiel (Supernatural)

vicktick - @doespeterparkerisgay​ - vicktick

two bros, arguing about who would top cause they're not gay (but they are) (T, 3.5k)

“No, I’m telling you, I would be the top if we were gay together.”

Oh, Twitter was going to love this: ‘my brother and his “best friend” are currently arguing about who would top if they were “gay together”. i was pretty sure they already were gay together.’

Tags: Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Sam is a Little Shit, Supportive John Winchester

banshee1013 - @banshee1013​ - Banshee1013

Suptober Art/Fic (NSFW)

Art and accompanying ficlets to answer Suptober 2019 prompts.

Tags: Fluff, Angst, Depression, Temporary Character Death, Nightmare, Crossover/Fandom Fusion

andimeantittosting - @andimeantittosting​ - andimeantittosting

I Will Hang My Head Low (M, 22.5k)

Dean Winchester gave up hunting when his brother became the prophesied Boy King of Hell. Now he ekes out a meager living, chopping wood for a nearby village, until one snowy night, he follows what appears to be a falling star, and encounters an injured angel. Afterwards, he tries to put the strange night from his mind.

When he meets Castiel, a mysterious man with healing powers, they form an instant connection, and the more Dean learns of Castiel's powers—to heal, to protect, to purify—the more he begins to hope that Sam can be saved. But as they prepare to save Sam, Castiel grows sick, and then sicker still. Too late, Dean learns how much Castiel is willing to sacrifice for him.

Inspired by the Decemberists' Crane Wife and the Japanese myth on which it is based.

Tags: Temporary Major Character Death, Fairytale/Folktale AU, Sick Castiel, Grief/Mourning, Castiel's Wings, Angst With a Happy Ending

Tentacletober Fills (E, 7k)

A collection of short fills for Tentacletober prompts.

Tags: Tentacles, Consentacles, Oviposition

Erratus - Erratus

A Concerned Brother (T, 2k)

When Sam walks in on Dean and Castiel, he left worried if Castiel understands enough about human relationships.

Tags: Coming out, established relationship, canon verse, mentions of sex but no sex, Sam is concerned for Cas

Watching Over You (T, 4k)

Castiel has always been watching over Dean, keeping him alive. Even if Dean doesn't know it, he's been there.

Tags: Suicidal thoughts/attempt, pre-canon, pre-slash, Cas with different vessels, sad and hurt Dean

cool-fallen-angel - @cool-fallen-angel​

Halloween Costumes (NSFW)

I drew this piece for Winchester-reload's 2019 suptoberart challenge, day 31: Halloween

Tags: Halloween, halloween costumes, lingerie, angel costume, playboy costume, blushy Cas, suptoberart, sexy boyfriends

malallory - @malallory​

DeanCas "Funeral Bell" graphic (SFW)

Graphic created for the All Ships Creations Challenge under the theme "spooky"

Tags: 15x03

castielslostwings - @castielslostwings​ - Castielslostwings

Wants and Needs (M, 6.5k)

From a prompt in the Destiel Port FB Group! "Asexual Incubus!Cas and Demisexual Vamp!Dean"

Asexual!Incubus!Cas who has to have sex to feed to stay alive and has always resented it, until he meets Demi!vampire!Dean and discovers that being fed on... actually turns him on, and makes feeding not feel miserable for the first time ever. Imagine Ace!incubus!Cas starving for a long time because he can't stomach the thought of having sex, and then here comes Demi!vamp!Dean feeding on Cas, giving him gratification he thought can only be gained from having sex.

And, you know, they live happily ever after.

Tags: Asexual Castiel, Incubus Castiel, Vampire Dean, Demisexual/Demiromantic Dean, Hungry Castiel, Depressed Castiel, Biting/Blood Drinking, Lonely Castiel, Intimacy, Sweet Dean Winchester.

The Luck You Got (E, 90k)

Castiel and Dean grew up together. Both from broke, broken homes, falling in love was easy - until Dean’s father whisked him away. Years later, Cas is still living the struggle, selling his body to keep a roof over his siblings' heads and using drugs to get by. When Dean returns as a fully grown adult (and a paramedic at that) with his kid-brother-turned-lawyer in tow, Castiel can’t help feeling as if they’re picking up exactly where they left off. Falling swiftly in love all over again but used to only having himself to rely on, he struggles to let Dean in. When Gabriel gets arrested and takes a major source of the family’s income down with him, Castiel struggles to cope and leans on drugs and prostitution instead of Dean. Determined not to lose him for a second time, Dean fights to drag Castiel back from the claws of addiction and the brink of death, no matter what it takes. With help from friends, family, and Dean, Castiel finds himself working towards something for the first time ever, determined to choose life, love, and something more than what the city has always told him is all he has to offer.

Tags: Getting Back Together, Childhood Sweethearts, Neighbors, Poverty, Drug Addiction & Recovery, Sex Worker Castiel, Firefighter/Paramedic Dean, Angst & Fluff & Smut, Happy Ending, Romance.

nickelkeep - @nickelkeep - nickelkeep

‘Cause My Monsters Are Real (T, 8k)

"It's great," Garth responding, grabbing a chair and sliding it over. "Bess is in her glory, and the little one is doing awesome. I love her so much." He smiled a toothy grin that didn't quite meet his eyes. "I'm not here about me, though. I debated coming at all, cause I know how sacred our Fridays are, but I figured you'd want to be prepared."

Sam leaned around Rowena, his arm draped over her shoulder, "What do you mean he'd want to be prepared?"

"You too, Sam. This affects both of you. It literally just happened." Garth hung his head like a kicked puppy. "So, I was back in today, filling out my paperwork to start back up on Monday. And I overheard it."

"Spit it out, Wolfman." Dean leaned his chair back on two legs, foot resting on the table.

"Magda's getting her own room. Emma's getting a new person in the room. They're splitting you two up." Garth looked pathetically at Dean. "You're getting a new partner."

Dean instinctively kicked out, sending him backward and onto the floor. "Ow. What?"

Tags: AU - Creatures & Monsters, Shapeshifter Dean, Fallen Angel Castiel, Human/Monster Society, Kid Fic (kind of), There is Only One Under the Bed

And These Monsters Can Fight (E, 6.5k)

"You think I want to keep her here against her wishes?" Bobby shook his head vehemently. "She'd be one hell of a creature if she were one, but she should go back to the human world. There's a problem that you didn't think of."

"What's that?" Dean spat.

"Dean," Sam softly interjected. "The angels may not want or need Claire anymore because she can no longer be an angelic host, but she is still tied to a source of grace." They all looked at the Fallen.

"I can protect myself!" Claire spoke up. "What do you think I had to do when Castiel couldn't come to me thanks to the stupid rules you all have in place!?"

"Can you protect yourself from three or four or five angels?" Bobby stared at her. "I'll give you one or two, you're a spitfire. But they want him. They're not going to take it light and risk losing a couple when they need all hands on board."

"So what? You want to keep her here?" Dean asked.

Tags: AU - Creatures & Monsters, Story Continuation, Shapeshifter Dean, Fallen Angel Castiel, Human/Monster Society, There is only one under the bed.

Carry Me Home (E, 7k)

"You weren't a scout." Cas opened the laptop and pulled up YouTube. In the search bar, he typed in stopping a squeaking door. He moved the cursor over the first video; from a channel called Impala Repairs. "This looks right." He clicked on the link and grabbed his coffee.

Hey there, and welcome to another quick how-to video with Impala Repairs! I'm your host, D.W., and in today's episode, I'm going to show you the best way to stop a door's hinges from squeaking.

Gabe reached over and pushed up on Cas' chin. "Cassie? You alive over there?"

Cas nodded.

"You need a global reboot?"

Cas pulled his eyes off the screen and shot his brother a look that could kill. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"That means," Gabe reached over and took Cas' coffee, "that you were A, so infatuated with Old Green Eyes on the screen there, you almost dumped your coffee on yourself, and B, you have no idea how to fix the door."

Tags: AU - Modern Setting, Handyman Dean, Professor Castiel, Sneaky Brothers, Conspiring Sam and Gabriel, Strangers to Lovers, Crush at First Sight

Like a Burning Flame (E, 8.5k)

"No, no, no." Dean shot up from under his pile of Ikea cardboard. "There's no fire here. The smoke alarm is disabled, we're seasoning our ovens."

The firefighter removed his helmet and mask, taking Dean's breath away as though he had actually inhaled smoke. "Seasoning Ovens?" He cocked his eyebrow, his bright blue eyes shining in confusion. "And that requires smoke billowing out of the back of your building?"

Dean's mouth failed to move, entranced as he was with the gorgeous man in a firefighter's uniform in front of him. Charlie shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Call your guys off so nothing is destroyed by water, and we'll show you." She turned the firefighter back to the entrance and waited 'til he was outside before smacking Dean. "Rush your blood back to your head, will you?"

Tags: AU - Coffee Shops and Firefighters, Baker Dean, Firefighter Castiel, Strangers to Lovers, Uniform Kink, Panty Kink, Semi-Public Sex, Dom/Sub Undertones, Bad BDSM Etiquette

For the Last Time (E, 37k) - co-created with @little-crazy-misha-minion

It's been three years since Dean's had any kind of vacation. Until now. Sam and Eileen gift him a cruise as a thank you for all the things he's done for Sam, for them, for the whole family. A week away at sea seems like an ideal vacation. Still, when your name is Dean Winchester, and nothing in your life has ever gone your way, it looks like a disaster waiting to happen. Can a new friend help him turn his luck around and help him navigate the rough waters?

Tags: AU - Cruises, Closeted Bi Dean Winchester, Gay Castiel, LGBTQ Themes, Angst with a Happy Ending, NonCon Kissing (not Destiel), Anxiety/PTSD, Song Fic, Clubbing, DCBB2019

To Confess (E, 8.5k)

"So get this... We've got couples missing at a couples retreat the next state over."

"Which lovely lady you going with?" Dean uncrossed his arms and smacked Cas' hand away from the tablet so he could scroll through the article.

"Can't find one. Charlie's still not back. Jody's taking Donna on a hunt."

Cas looked up. "Well, there was a lesbian couple that went missing. You can choose a male partner."

"I was hoping you'd say that, Cas." Sam shot a look at Dean before smiling at Cas. "Will you do me the honor of being my fake husband for a case?"

"Excuse me?" Dean shot a look at Sam.

"Well, I'm not asking you, Dean." Sam shook his head. "That's... Yeah, no."

Dean crossed his arms over his chest again. "Why are you and Cas going? Cas is my best friend. He and I can pull it off better than you two can."

Tags: Canonverse, Case Fic, Idiots in Love, Fake Relationship, Breaking Up & Making up, Pray for Sam, Sam Winchester ships Destiel, Angst and Porn, Happy Ending

It’s About To Be Legendary (G, 1.5k)

"I don't want to kill a human!" Luna hissed, her whisper carrying softly so only her boyfriend could hear her. "If you mess up, you'll bring down hunters upon the pack." She whimpered. "You could bring the Winchesters upon us." Apollo stood up and turned around, his shoulders squaring out as he attempted to intimidate Luna into following his lead. "First of all, I'm not going going to fuck up, Lu. Have a little faith in your boyfriend. Second, the Winchesters are a myth. An urban legend. Something our parents tell us to make sure we follow Pack Law."

Tags: AU - Everyone Lives, Hunters and Hunting, Halloween Fic, Urban Legends

prolixdreams - @bringmefleshandbringmewine - prolixdreams

And The World Kept Turning (G, 4k)

It’s getting harder and harder to die.

Cigarettes disappeared off the market forty years past.

Proper alcohol, the poisonous kind, was banned almost immediately once a safer synthetic got a foothold in the market.

Every pill and patch is equipped with tiny computers to detect blood levels of a chemical and only release their payload when the concentration dips below a pre-set threshold, making overdose nearly impossible with anything obtained legally.

Even sweeteners are tightly regulated and highly taxed.

And now, January 17th, 2089, Castiel’s tablet feeds him another headline that promises longer, safer lives for all:

HUMAN-DRIVEN CARS FINALLY OFF ROADS FOR GOOD

Tags: Major Character Death (Implied/Referenced), Future Fic, Castiel drives the Impala

Sarasaurussex - @sarasaurussex - sarasaurussex

Sarasaurussex's Inktober, Suptober, and Profound Inktober Masterlist (NSFW, contains multishipping)

This is all of my Supernatual art for Inktober, Suptober, and Profound Inktober. Mostly Destiel, but contains non-Destiel ships (Sabriel and Sastiel).

Dress For Success (E, 2k)

Written for the Supernatural Kink Bingo on tumblr. My prompt was 'clothing sharing'. Art commissioned by Purgatory-Jar!

Tags: Clothing Sharing Kink, Humor, Smut

Wherever I May Roam (E, 11.5k, contains multishipping)

Summary: Sam and Dean get sent to another TV Land that's slightly different than the last. In this version, Jensen and Misha are dating. Written for Supernatural Kink Bingo on tumblr. My prompt was 'roleplay'.

Tags: Destiel, Cockles, Dean x Misha, Dub-Con due to Identity Issues, Idiots to Lovers, First Time, Arguing, Fluff, Smut

iCeDreams - iCeDreams

Chasing Polaris (E, 52k) - co-created with Takai13sama

Dean Winchester feels closed-in with his life at the behemoth, Mary’s Ark. His father has set him up with an arranged marriage and is refusing to budge on Dean’s suggestions to improve the steam engines. So... he does the most obvious thing surly young men do: he runs away.

While leaving the steam capital, he inadvertently meets Emmanuel, a man with secrets of his own, intriguing Dean enough to offer him a ride to a common destination.

It’s a serendipitous encounter, a trip across the country, and a chance to find where they need to be.

Tags: Steampunk, Arranged Marriage, Road Trip, Running Away

EmiliaOagi - @emiliaoagi - EmiliaOagi

It’s How You Use It (M, 2.5k)

One night Castiel discovers Supernatural fanfiction. Then Dean walks in. Some very meta crack with a smidgen of smut. Based on a prompt from the Profound Bond Discord.

Tags: Smut, Humor, Meta, Crack

Goose!Dean Crack Post 1 (SFW)

Art inspired by Untitled Goose Game and a Discord prompt: goose!Dean playing a prank on a poor unsuspecting Sam.

Goose!Dean Crack Post 2 (SFW)

Goose!Dean really wants that burger. Cas disagrees.

LeafZelindor - @leafzelindor - 

Ink/Suptober collection (SFW)

Just the short collection of the destiel pics I did during Inktober/suptober.

Art for Crayons and Candybars (SFW)

Artwork done for the DCBB fic Crayons and Candybars, written by I. Franco

rauko-is-a-free-elf - @rauko-is-a-free-elf - FeaRauko

Ocean’s Brawl (M, 55k)

In a time of oppression, the Winchester brothers and their family of misfit pirates sail the seas attacking slave traders and offering the liberated passage to safe-havens, or–if they choose it–a home on the Impala as part of Team Free Will.

Dean meets Castiel, a Naval Captain with orders to enlist him and his band of honorable sea rovers as privateers. Dean refuses, but they end up working together when Castiel offers his vessel as transport for some rescued slaves. Castiel, in turn, travels with Dean as collateral to ensure there is no foul play.

Along the way, Castiel witnesses the horrors of slavery and begins to doubt his cause, even fighting alongside Dean against a French vessel–Castiel’s own people. Castiel comes to admire this wild crew and their kind hearts…perhaps falling for one man in particular.

Tags: pirate!Dean, naval officer!Cas, enemies to lovers, team free will, openly bi!Dean, demisexual!Cas, swashbuckling, battles, shanties

Rapunzel, Rapunzel (SFW)

Art for @diminuel‘s fic, Rapunzel, Rapunzel

Tags: Rapunzel!au, fairy tale!au, prince!Dean, witch!Cas

Bisexualdemondean - outfit (SFW)

Art created for bisexualdemondean in response to the question: "What if I just wanted to look sluttier?"

Tags: demon!dean art, bisexualdemondean art

Autumn - Eileen (SFW)

Art for Day 1 of winchester-reload's suptoberart challenge

Tags: Eileen Leahy

"Good Thing I'm Yours, Then" (SFW)

Art for winchester-reaload's suptober challenge: Day 3 - Royalty Inspired by @casbeanwrites‘ fic Kiss Me Where I Lay Down

Tags: servant!Dean, prince!cas, fic art

"Kids These Days" - Art for Clarity (SFW)

Destiel art for @aloha-cowgirl‘s fic Clarity

[marcloveskylie]

Kylie Minogue Sunday Times interview in full. (Thanks to Darren Nixon)

Kylie Minogue interview: the pop star talks love, regret and new beginnings ahead of playing the Glastonbury ‘legends’ slot

Kylie Minogue is glowing. Of course she is. As the blue-eyed, blonde princess of pop music and golden girl of pop culture, idolised by millions since the 1980s, Minogue, I imagine, floats around in a perpetual state of looking luminous. She has also been dancing in front of our photographer for an afternoon and, as she puts it, “should be glowing after all that make-up!” It’s not just the make-up. On the brink of releasing a new album, the gig of her career, her 51st birthday and with the thrill of a new man, she is happy. “I could say nothing and you could read everything,” she laughs, pointing to her smiling face. “I’ve met someone who I feel good with. It feels right.”

Post-shoot, Minogue sits upright and cross-legged on a sofa in our east London studio, her 5ft frame wrapped in a barely-there slip dress. Much has been written about her dabbles with Botox, something she admitted in 2009, but today she looks beautiful and natural — faint lines on her face, yet still miles younger than 50. She speaks so softly that I strain to hear her and she answers many questions with a giggle. On the surface, dainty and delicate. Underneath, nerves of steel. “None of this was handed to me,” she says, “but this was my destiny. I was meant to do it.”

The first music I remember was a 1989 VHS tape of Kylie’s videos. Aged five, I watched nothing else for months. Fever (2001) and Aphrodite (2010) — the CDs scratched from overuse — made up much of the soundtrack to my clubbing twenties. Interviewing her is an excruciating test, as I attempt to maintain professionalism while trying not to touch her face. (Full disclosure: when we hug at the end, I scream a bit. She doesn’t mind.) But aren’t we all Team Kylie? In 2005, when, at the age of 36, she revealed her breast cancer diagnosis, support from fans and the press came in floods. When her highly public relationships end, it is always her the world sides with. She is, perhaps, the only non-Brit considered a “national treasure” by the tabloids — The Sun ran a campaign in the early Noughties to have her bottom listed as a World Heritage Site on the grounds it was an Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty. Brand Kylie has mastered the near impossible: triumphing for three decades, with gold- and platinum-certified records, scandal-free and to global adoration. She’s still considered both a reigning disco diva and a bubbly, Aussie girl next door. Underestimate her at your peril, though. Being Kylie, she says, “takes a lot of work, graft and insecurity — not always what the wrapped-up end product looks like. There have been times when I’ve thought, ‘I just can’t.’ But you’ve got to take the knocks because they’re always coming. It ain’t all roses.” A pause. “But maybe otherwise it wouldn’t be as sweet in the end.”

She values her private life as “precious”, and admits that she has “sacrificed some anonymity”, no doubt because her romances have been tabloid fodder for years. Her most high-profile relationship was with INXS frontman Michael Hutchence from 1989 to 1991. In 1997, long after they broke up, he committed suicide. For four years, she dated the French actor Olivier Martinez, who supported her through her cancer diagnosis and chemotherapy (“Olli was there all the time,” she said in 2006). They broke up in 2007, but were rumoured to have reignited their romance in 2017, claims that she has never addressed. Then there was an engagement to the British actor Joshua Sasse. The two started dating in 2015 and that December she told Desert Island Discs that Sasse, then 28, was “my love”. They announced their engagement in February 2016, but broke up 12 months later; last September, he married an Australian entrepreneur. It strikes me as sad, but her steeliness quickly reappears.

You’ve had your heart broken, I begin. “I don’t know about heartbroken,” she flashes. “I’ve made mistakes.” Such as? “I regret lying to myself. Like, ‘This is OK,’ and doing the merry dance. When that honest bit inside of you knows, but you’re busy covering it up? I regret doing that. It’s not fair on yourself. And yet I think we’ve all been there, we’ve all done it. But I don’t see myself doing it again. I’ve met someone who I feel good with.” She has been dating Paul Solomons, the 45-year-old creative director of British GQ, for just over a year. When talk turns to him, she lights up. “I can feel my face going,” she says. “People say, ‘Your face changes when you talk about him,’ and it does. Happiness. He’s an inspiring, funny, talented guy. He’s got a real-life actual job! It’s lovely.”

Their weekends are generally spent in her Knightsbridge home, watching documentaries on Netflix — “We liked the Ted Bundy Tapes. I was too scared to watch them on my own” — or listening to podcasts — “Have you heard Dear Joan & Jericha [Julia Davis and Vicki Pepperdine’s mock agony-aunt podcast]? I’ve literally creased myself to that, it’s so inappropriate.” He does most of the cooking. “He’s got me cooking too, actually. He’s the first to do that. It can no longer be the family joke that I can’t cook.” Her family are all still in Australia. Her parents, Ron and Carol, worked as an accountant and dancer respectively, and her younger sister, Dannii, followed in Kylie’s showbiz footsteps as a pop star. She also has a younger brother, Brendon. They are a close family who text daily and speak frequently. I imagine they are overprotective about any new boyfriends. Minogue tells me that the first time Solomons met her clan was spending last Christmas with them. “They [already] could tell I was good within myself. They liked him before they met him, and they liked him more after they met him.”

Her Australian accent is still distinctive, but she has lived in London since the early 1990s, when Soho was her stomping ground. “I was really deep in London nightlife back then,” she says. Now, generally, the only time she’s up until the early hours is when she’s on tour. Her last big night out was her 50th birthday party, a year ago, at Chiltern Firehouse, complete with performances by Rick Astley and Jake Shears. “I went to bed at about 5am, but probably had no more than a glass of champagne all night. I was talking and dancing and high on life. The icing on the cake was that I had my special someone to share it with.”

It’s remarkable that Minogue has the stamina to dance until 5am at an age when many women are experiencing the menopause. Indeed, she’s already been there, done that. As is common with younger breast cancer patients, her menopause was medically induced when she had treatment, to suppress her oestrogen levels. On Desert Island Discs, she stated that she would love to start a family. It’s a difficult subject to broach, but I wonder if she feels the chance to have children has passed. “I can definitely relate to that,” she answers. “I was 36 when I had my diagnosis. Realistically, you’re getting to the late side of things. And, while that wasn’t on my agenda at the time, [cancer] changed everything. I don’t want to dwell on it, obviously, but I wonder what that would have been like. Everyone will say there are options, but I don’t know. I’m 50 now, and I’m more at ease with my life. I can’t say there are no regrets, but it would be very hard for me to move on if I classed that as a regret, so I just have to be as philosophical about it as I can. You’ve got to accept where you are and get on with it.”

Born and raised in Melbourne, she attended acting school in her home town and became a superstar at 18 as Charlene in the Australian soap Neighbours. Charlene’s wedding to Jason Donovan’s Scott in 1987 was witnessed by 20m viewers in the UK. Despite no formal singing or dancing training, she left the show to pursue music, and her debut album, Kylie, released in 1988, was No 1 in the UK for six weeks. She has since released 13 more studio albums, as well as dozens of compilation, live and remix records. Next month she is releasing Step Back in Time, her latest greatest hits album. All the big hitters are on there: Spinning Around, I Should Be So Lucky, Confide in Me. She doesn’t have a favourite, but points to Where the Wild Roses Grow (1995) and All the Lovers (2010) — “just glorious”. She had to brace herself, she says, to listen to some of the older tracks. “I recorded Locomotion when I was 18 or 19. I was so young and I felt so young.” She shakes her head in bewilderment.

Minogue has just finished the Golden Tour, six months of shows in Europe and Australia. “I don’t know how much time I’ve got before my showbiz hips and knees start to protest,” she laughs. “They’ll be like, ‘You’ve been treading those boards for a long time, we think you should slow down a bit.’ ” This summer, along with gigs in London, Manchester and even Scarborough, she will take to the Pyramid Stage at Glastonbury in the Sunday afternoon “legends” slot, previously filled by the likes of Dolly Parton, Barry Gibb and Lionel Richie. It is particularly poignant as she was set to perform there in 2005, but her cancer diagnosis meant that she had to pull out. She sang at the festival in 2010, as a guest of the Scissor Sisters, but has never performed solo. “I’m bound to cry,” she says. On stage? “It’s going to happen. When I was meant to be there, I watched it from Australia. I was dealing with much bigger things back then, but when I’m there it will take me back to when I wasn’t there. But I’ll work through that.”

She confirms there will be guests joining her on stage, but won’t tell me who. Dolce & Gabbana designed the Greek goddess-inspired costumes for her Aphrodite: Les Folies tour in 2011, but her on-stage style now is “more human, more real”. “But even Elvis had a few diamantés on him,” she continues. “Come on! I’m thinking of it as a big sing-along. It’s daytime, so you can’t have the lights, effects and lasers that I normally have. I think the simplicity is part of what makes that slot so magical. Dolly Parton just walked on out. Lionel Richie just walked on out. I mean, I’ll sashay on out.”

Minogue’s manager then intervenes. The car is waiting and the star has somewhere to be. “I keep threatening my team that I’m going to retire,” she winks, safe in the knowledge that there are decades left of her career. And, with that, she sashays out. Glowing.

Step Back in Time is released on June 28

[captainharunanase]

So I made a long thread about Shiro on Twitter and I even did one for Allura too. I'm gonna keep writing about key events that no longer matter in s8 despite them clearly meant to be callbacks but now are irrelevant on there since I'll be logged out tomorrow here.

And I'm still not ok.

I haven't slept well or eaten much since Friday and I literally just stayed in bed the whole time trying to understand where did I go wrong in interpreting Sheith and Allurance and wondering why I'm once again doing the same thing 2 years prior when Bleach ended and IR was completely destroyed like Voltron did to those ships.

You guys don't understand. Everything I have read and commented on these past 3 days--all yalls talk about how betrayed you feel and how illogical the ending is to Allura and Shiro and so on and how canon was completely thrown out on the later half of s8 (if I'm trying to be nice about it cuz I'll be honest the first episode sent me red flags when we didn't see Shiro's version of relaxation nor him meeting Keith to watch the sunset) but I digress

All those posts I read of how even outsiders can't understand how vld did this and even other shippers upset on our behalf too.

This chaos is exactly what I experienced with Bleach. That series fucking destroyed me. I was in that fandom for 10+ years.

I bought its manga and light novels, watched every episode, read every interview, paid to see every movie, and I did all this because the entirety of Bleach was made up of IR and their deep unbreakable bond. The type of bond that drove the story of how no matter what happened, they had each other's backs and were never going to give up on one another when if the whole world did.

Bleach is literally IR and when it betrayed me in the final arc with Ichigo and Rukia barely interacting with each other unless it was work-related, how OOC they acted when the other was in danger, the lack of closeness they used to have and then lo' and behold the last chapter was a timeskip of Ichigo retiring and no longer living his dream while he had to, its implied in a light novel, watch Rukia marry some other dude she clearly wasn't as connected to as him and apparently they don't regularly see each other anymore since then.

Voltron is doing exactly what Bleach did in the end by starting off amazingly with an incredible bond but ended by erasing that bond's importance to the story despite the irony that said bond was literally the foundation of the series itself.

I am so heartbroken and feel so empty. I literally got into Voltron to cope with Bleach. I joined this fandom so I could heal from what Tite Kubo did to all his main characters and how he disrespected IR's bond with a bullshit ending that made no sense outside the final arc that just threw everything prior away.

Everything yall been saying is a complete echo and copy of what the Bleach fandom felt when it ended so horribly.

The creator btw is still silent about his ending and hasn't spoken about his reasons for destroying his 15 year old manga. He says he's finally done and that hurt me more than the ending.

And now I'm sitting in my bed in the dark wondering how the fuck I wound up back in this same empty feeling I tried to escape 2 years ago.

Sheith and Allurance was supposed to be different. Their bond was supposed to surpass the evil in Voltron and save the day.

They weren't supposed to be tossed aside and used like some cheap novelty for woke points and shock value.

I'm literally in a loop of the devastating feelings of what I felt in Bleach now being placed in Voltron and I honestly can't believe this is happening to me again.

I'm so hurt I don't want to eat and I'm so tired I don't want to sleep.

But I'm pushing myself and I'm not going to let this go down quietly. I'll be loud and I will make sure DW hears my frustration.

I couldn't do it for Bleach since Tite Kubo resides in Japan and has little care for his western fanbase.

But DW is right here in western soil and they will definitely hear my heartbreak and anguish.

You don't kill off your female character because you think it'll be traumatic and shock worthy without a preamble to explain how this could possibly be the ONLY way despite her growth through her lose and her finally finding love in someone who never stopped believing in her--who is now a hollow shell of who he use to be and is now apparently mourning her lose and yearns for her ghost and can't move on from her.

And you most definitely don't just marry the only lgbt man in the show with a literal nobody that the actual staff don't even know the name of or the viewers and even said character himself who never had an onscreen written development between them while singlehandedly shoving the only connection the man had with the main character who literally went through every unimaginable tragedy to save his life and bring him back from the brink of death itself only to have said MC not even be properly seen in the wedding but is instead hidden and unable to see whether he is happy for the man he gave his heart to.

I'm tired and hurt but if Bleach taught me anything it's to persevere and never stop fighting.

And that's what I'm going to be doing for Voltron--for Shiro and Allura.

This isn't right and I know DW knows it too.

[supernaturalmistress]

Lost Soul Series_Pt 1.- Found

Summary: You went missing for four years under Sam and Dean’s watch. Once they get a surprising call from a friend saying that you’re in Kansas, they find you, take you under their wing, but something seems off about you. Like something is missing, and once Dean believes he should confess his love to you, he finds out just what you lost, your soul. His only mission is to retrieve your soul from Crowley and all the while wanting to tell you just how he feels…but knowing he can’t.

Pairings: Dean x Reader, Sam x Reader (barely)

Future Warnings: SMUT, Fluff, hella angst, heartbreak (but will be fixed, I swear)

Word Count: 1,611 words (chapters will get longer as we get into it)

Author’s notes: I kinda just came up with this series idea, and since I only write once in a blue moon I figured why not go out? My b-day is in like 4 days so its kinda a gift to me!(conceited much ikr) but yeah, pls leave feedback, if you have any ideas pls send them in cuz I like need more ideas lmao. Love y’all so much, I’ll be writing this series every two days (so each chapter will come out one day then I’ll have a day to write and edit then I’ll post between 9 and 10 P.M.) so yeah thank you so much. Please ask for anything you need. Tags are open!!! (btw I’ll be posting a masterlist later on tonight). Enjoy!

ring ring.

Dean’s POV

I answered the phone only to be greeted by Jasper’s gruff voice. He had news that I couldn’t believe until he gave me his word that it was true.

Jasper, are you sure?

Yeah man. I just got the call from one of my most trusted, she’s in Kansas, Dean. Near Lebanon. Said she was staying at the White Palm. Room 17.

My heart sunk in my chest at the thought of how in the hell she got back. We thought we’d lost her all those years ago.

Four years ago

It’d had been a hard week. Alpha vamp, killing off innocents in New York, no way in hell we could capture him. We’d gotten him to come to terms to stop killing, but he only wanted one thing, J.J. I couldn’t just give her up that easily, she was the love of my life and I sure as hell wasn’t using her as bait, but she insisted and pleaded that she would keep safe as long as we caught the son of a bitch. But like always, we were dumb and stupid enough to actually think we could get him on our own, leading to her getting captured. Ever since that day, I’ve been missing her, wondering and hoping she would come back to me.

Present

“All this time we thought she’s been being tortured, or worse. Now that I know she’s alive, I ain’t ever letting her go” I said to myself as I gripped the steering wheel tight on Baby. I pushed the gas hard, trying to get there as quick as I could before you were gone, knowing I couldn’t waste another minute away from you. 

I’ve missed you as long as i could imagine and every since that day I’ve felt guilty for what happened. Now, it was the time to set things straight once and for all.

We arrived at the White Palm, my hands filled with sweat as we walked to Room 17. I was shaking because I had no idea what to do when I saw you. Didn’t know if I should hug you, apologize for all the shit we put you through, or hell I even thought about kissing you. 

Sam looked at me with reassurance while knocking. Whatever happened, we both knew you were still our J.J. and you meant the world to us, to me.

The door opened swiftly as a well built, tall, shirtless black haired man stood in the doorway. I looked him up and down.

“Yeah?” he asked with a deep voice.

Sam and I looked at each other, and I was having doubts you were actually here.

Sam asked “Um, we’re looking for J.J., is she here?”

“Sorry bro, no one here by that name.”

My face fell but as soon as I heard movement inside I looked behind him only to see your beautiful figure moving to pack some clothes. 

“J.J.?”

You turned and as soon as we locked eyes, a smile grew on my face and a smirk on yours.

“Well, I’ll be damned. Sam and Dean Winchester. Been awhile since I’ve seen them pretty faces.” your smooth voice ran through me as your beautiful Y/E/C burned throughout me. Just then every shitty thing in my life gone to dust, fixed by your lovely face.

Your POV

You were shocked at the fact they actually found you, thought they’d left you behind in their memories long ago. 

“Well uh,” you said as you started to give the black haired man his belongings, pushing him towards the door, “Thanks uh Jacob for, last night. It was fun.” Poor thing seemed confused and corrected you,

“Jason.”

“Right, well Jason, bye,” you said as you closed the door in his face. Sam and Dean looked very surprised at this new version of you, for one night stands used to be a big no-no for you. 

“Little harsh there, don’t you think J.J.?” Sam asked with a laugh.

You chuckled.

“Well boys, it’s good to see you too.” You hugged them. They took awhile to hug you back before looking at your face. Dean carried out the hug a little longer.

“So, no call, no text, no smoke signals, no nothing?” Dean asked, getting serious.

“Sorry, I’ve just been busy with things. Hunting.”

“Yeah well, I figured as close as we are, you’d check up. Thought we were family. Figured if you came back, we’d be the first people you’d call.”

You scoffed. “Right mom, sorry I didn’t call you to check in, last time I checked I was an adult who makes her own decisions.”

They both asked the same question in their mind: What in the hell had happened to you? Cause this sure as hell wasn’t you.

Sam tried to quickly change the subject, for he could already feel the tension rising between you two.

“So J.J.--”

“Y/N/N.”

“Hmm?”

“I just go by Y/N/N now, haven’t been called J.J. in years.”

Just then it hit Sam the crossed Dean. Years? What’d you mean by years?

“Wait, wait. Years? Y/N/N, how long have you been out ever since…” Sam began to ask.

“After the incident, things happened and let’s just say I got lucky.”

Dean got heated and began to get impatient.

“Answer the question J.J. How long have you been out?”

You sighed, looked at the ceiling in annoyance, trying to calculate exactly, “Umm, about four-ish years? Yeah, I’d say four.”

They both looked at each other with disappointment and disbelief.

“You’ve been here all this time and never even called to let us know you were ok, or alive at least?!” Dean had finally snapped. He thought he’d lost you all those years ago, all the while you’ve been running around the country going on hunts, sleeping in cheap motels and having shitty one night stands. The love of his life, alive, this entire time.

“Oh calm your tits grandma, I’m sorry that as soon as I got out I didn’t want to call the only to people who I completely trusted only to get me kidnapped, tortured, sliced and diced each and every way,” you said, finally tired of their bullshit. 

They once again looked at each other, faces and minds full of guilt. You were right. It was their fault you were taken and they had no room to argue. Dean couldn’t bear the thought of what you went through so all he did was move swiftly across the room and hugged you. He kissed the temple of your forehead and whispered ‘sorry’ one too many times.

“Ok Mother Theresa, it’s all good, I forgive you, both of you.” You gave them a small smile which was all they needed.

Sam was more than curious to find out how in the hell you escaped an alpha vamps nest. 

“So, J--Y/N/N, I have only one question...how in the world did you escape and alpha?” Sam asked with caution.

There was a long pause until a deep British voice interrupted your conversation.

“Why me of course moose, that poor girl wouldn’t have stood a chance against those blood-sucking parasites.”

Dean jumped from the bed and raised his gun to Crowley.

“Oh calm down squirrel, I was just coming to check up on the girl,” he said as he helped himself to the mini bar in your motel room.

“What do you want you son of a bitch?!” Dean asked.

“Oh, darling I see you haven’t filled them in on our little dilemma. You want to tell them or should I?”

You looked at the boys then Crowley. 

“Dean, please,” you asked officially annoyed.

“Not until someone explains what this snot-nosed asshole is doing here!” Dean yelled.

“Oh squirrel, always putting violence before knowledge. Might wanna let your girl explain herself and put that thing down before you hurt somebody.” Dean hesitated before looking to you for reassurance and you nodded to him. He put the gun down, while he and Sam waited for you to begin.

Dean began “J.J., please don’t tell me you made a deal with this shithead?!” Dean snapped.

“Hurtful.”

“J, what the hell is going on?” Sam asked after a moment of silence.

“Ok, yes Crowley did save me and yes it came at a price but I know more than to make a deal with a demon--”

Dean interrupted you while crossing his arms, “Ok well please explain what this “price” is, please.” 

“Well, that’s my cue.” and with a snap, Crowley was gone and left you to explain the rest.

You sighed knowing your ass is toast after this, which is why you never called them in the first place, because if they knew they would lose their shit. You began to pack up for leave while you told the story.

“Ok, well after about three months with the vamps, some would come and go, feed then leave. Some would come to taunt, cut, bleed, or do whatever to me and I was just about on the brink of death...before Crowley had somehow found me and told me he could free me, heal me and help me, for something that I had--that he needed,”

You looked behind you to see the boys worried about what you were going to say.

“--he said it was something that was special, innocent, and pure. Something he could use to get himself off the ground in hell and could use to get around and get himself back where he needs to be.”

“And what exactly was it he needed--oh excuse me, what he got from you?” Dean asked.

You sighed, with a shrug of your shoulders.

“My soul.”

Tags for this series are open, just ask ;-)

[iamchikara]

I have no idea what state I’ll be in later today/tomorrow, so I’m doing this now. The yearly Aniversario is almost upon us! This is the third and last of this month’s events, which will of course be followed by the last of the month’s updates to the standings. From there, we’ll take a week’s break before launching into the first of June’s events, which is the second annual Johnny Kidd Invitational on the 9th. No Hour of Power is currently scheduled for June according to the Season 19 listings, but I’ve no doubt one will take place between the JKI and Go Eat Worms on the 23rd. Anyways, before I ramble on too much, let’s preview! In the main event, *sigh* Grand Champion Juan Francisco de Coronado will make what’ll certainly be another cheatsy defense, this time against former Director of Fun and CHIKARA founder Mike Quackenbush. Quack snuck in his three points and looks to take the title which eluded him all the way back in the finals of the 12 Large: Summit. Can JFDC keep his death grip on the title, or will his overlong run as Grand Champion finally come to an end? (I don’t like this, but I’ve been begging for this reign to end for long enough that I can no longer be choosy about who does it.) The Beast Warriors, who broke back into the standings last week at the monthly Hour of Power, are faced with an uncommon challenge: if they can topple the reigning Campeones the Closers in non-title competition, they’ll post their second point towards getting themselves a chance at the gold. Can the Boar and Oleg keep it together and ascend to the next step, or will the Campeones shut them out? (I don’t care much for pointblocking, we’ve had more than enough of that in the past.) The Colony has been hit with tragedy after tragedy, enough to drive even the most stalwart Ant to the breaking point. Since the revelation of Ophidian’s turn as 17 and what his actions caused, Fire Ant has been lost in despair, choosing to abuse instead of mentor. In response, Worker Ant stepped up to take the Second Gen Colony under his figurative wing. Green Ant takes on the Ant who should’ve also been his mentor in one-on-one competition, as he prepares for his YLC showdown with Beyond Wrestling’s Cam Zagami. Can Green and Worker bring Fire back from the brink (and can Green score himself right of challenge against whoever wins the main event via attaining his third point), or will Fire scorch him back to zero? After several exhibitions of his creations in both Trios action (SQUASHes, the whole lot) and in the Infinite Gauntlet, Professor Nicodemus finally sends one of the Proteus Wheel, Volgar, into one-on-one competition. Everyone might want to pray, send positive vibes, or whatever for Officer Warren Barksdale, because this prob’ly will not end well for him. Speaking of the Proteus Wheel, Frantik and Callux the Castigator will also be in action, as they will be challenged by former Proteus Wheel associates Lucas Calhoun and Jeremy Leary. Leary and Calhoun, who were formerly at odds based on their shared history, have pretty much been the only ones to see the Proteus Wheel for the threat they actually are, as our esteemed DoF Bryce Remsburg let them stroll on in even after everything that happened. Will the Wheel get on the board, or can Leary and Calhoun post a victory in what might end up being one heck of a war? (Hopefully they’ll also be watching Barksdale’s back!) Oh joy, Tony Deppen is back. And he takes on Hype Rockwell. I’m sorry, I can’t really bring myself to be excited for this match. I’m sure it’ll be decent, though. Deppen might get two points out of it. I really don’t know. Deppen’s associate, Icarus, on the other hand? Jeez, dude. Back off the rookies a bit. We all know about certain things you did in your rookie year. Anyways, Ick is scheduled to team with Razerhawk and Danjerhawk against the Creatures of the Deep’s Oceanea, Merlok, and Hermit Crab, but I’m quite sure he’s going to have someone sub for him instead. (Don’t bring Marty Jannetty, it’ll just be a massacre.) Finally, DoF Remsburg has some weird taste in matches, if the ten person tag he handpicked people for is any indication. On one side, the Throwbacks (still not having the best time of it), Thief Ant (really should’ve been backing Green instead), Travis Huckabee, and Solo Darling. Out of everyone on this team, Huckabee and Darling will more than likely be the problem children, as they still have issues stemming from their breakup earlier this Season. Good luck keeping everyone on the same page there. On the other side is a rudo team that, at first glance, really doesn’t seem to have any issues preventing them from working together: the Whisper (who I personally wouldn’t team with because he tends to make incredibly questionable decisions), Rory Gulak (seemingly replaced with Icarus on the “I hate rookies” front), Cajun Crawdad (prob’ly happy not to be subjected to his Queen’s wrath), and the Legion of Rot’s Hallowicked and Frightmare. This may result in a clusterschmazz of epic proportions, folks.

[krebstar]

hey so like i feel absolutely silly doing this but it has been really rough and i’m not sure i can really Handle my mom anymore

this is mostly planning in advance but, i’m in a mentally abusive household and i really need out of it. however, i am a minor so i’m unable to for at least another year. i would really appreciate having the money to move out as soon as i can, which is why i’m making this post.

my paypal is here, and you can buy me a coffee here. i do commissions, too if you would prefer that.

more details about what’s going on are under the cut. it’s... really long but has like. everything i can remember, so.

so... this has been going on as long as i can remember (~10 years old or so). it used to be both of my parents, but my dad passed away and now it’s just my mom.

the earliest thing that i can remember is from the later years in elementary school (3-5th grade? around 8-10 years old?). my dad was terrifying when he was angry and was very loud, and my mom had a tendency of getting me in trouble, and then telling him how awful i was and she would have him yell at me for something he knew very little about (she would make him just jump into the conversation.) this was one of those times, and i was curled up on the floor with him yelling at me, and her standing over me. i remember afterward, i wrote something along the lines of “my happiness is ruined” or “i’ll never be happy” or something of the sort about.. not being happy, then i tore it to shreds.

around middle school (11-14 years) was where everything sort of picked up? my mom began to pick on me with constantly telling me i was breaking out, i looked bad, smelled bad, and so on and so forth. i asked her to stop numerous times and she refused to, laughing in my face whenever i asked. it started to make me feel bad about myself, and is the root of why i’m self conscious.

one day (7th grade) when she was telling at me for something i can’r remember, i told her “i hate myself because of you” and she replied “if you hate yourself because of me, you need to get a life.” thus, marking when i stopped telling her anything.

there was one time at a restaurant, where my mom wanted me to try and do the math for the bill. despite me refusing due to my math learning problems (possibly dyscalculia, but she refuses to get me tested), she continued to try and press it on me. when i continued to say no and got stressed and upset that she was trying to force me to do something i didn’t understand, she reacted badly. she told me that we were joking and laughing (we weren’t, she was very serious) and then told me that i had a “personal problem.”

my mom and i were at my grandma’s over the summer and she told me that she always jokes with me after arguments (meaning: she yelled at me a lot and made me have a panic attack) so i “get over it quicker” / “forget about it”

at one point laptop broke, and my mom called the people to send it in and get it fixed despite already taking her medicine (which wouldn’t have kicked in for another 30 minutes). I was grateful and thanked her, though i was still panicky and crying due to being so dependent on my laptop. i was yelled at for being in that state, and it was another instance when my dad yelled at me as i was curled up on the floor. he yelled at me for not being grateful when my mom called even though she took her medicine, and for some other stuff i can’t remember right. (i do remember pulling my hair hard and calling myself a horrible ungrateful daughter.)

one time when my dad and her were fighting (they were on a brink of a divorce before he passed away) she said that if i wasn’t around, that she would kill herself. she said that.. when i was right there in the other room with the door wide open.

(my dad was always neglectful of me, and never? really gave me the time of day to the point where i didn’t entrust that he could take care of me, and if he payed attention to me, he would just yell at me.)

in 8th grade, my dad passed away by drowning (i feel uncomfortable giving more details about that, if you need them you can PM me, but otherwise i won’t disclose the rest. i have a post about it in my archives somewhere as it was happening.) i grieved “weirdly” i suppose, i didn’t wish to hear the word “dad” or look at the river, let alone be around it. i didn’t want to talk about it with my mom, though i talked about it with my friends.

i continued to not to want to look at the river, and would refuse to, for a couple months. my mom didn’t like this at all and told me to “get over it” several times. and even though i asked her not to talk about him several times, she did anyway, constantly and always.

around freshman year things sort of.. escalated. the rest of this will be taking place from freshman year to current (14-16/almost 17). these might be out of chronological order, but ill try to keep them in order as much as possible. i started writing stuff down around here so im going to start off with the dated ones:

Saturday, January 9 2016: admitted to wanting to slap me Wednesday, January 20 2016: admitted to wanting to slap me Monday, February 22 2016: Oak Court mall in a dressing room: grabbed me by my shirt Wednesday, March 30 (6:00am): “You know one day in the morning you’re going to cop a little attitude and i’m just going to smack you.” (a minute afterward coming and saying she loved me) Monday, August 8th (5:36am) “if you give me a sarcastic attitude this early in the morning, I’ll end up smacking you in the face.” Wednesday, August 31st (9:41am) she was throwing an eraser at me, and when I was showing discomfort, she said “be glad I’m not throwing something bigger at you” and pretended to hit me with my tub of icing

August 9th, 2016: i suggested we leave so we can go feed the cats [that i was catsitting]. she didnt get that, and got mad at me for “never listening to her” because she wanted to feed the cats afterwards. she said i always get what i want, and she wants to get what she wanted. started talking about how i “lived a charm life” and i always “get what i want” and asked me what i “didnt have” and “nothing? yeah”

told her i was upset because i felt like she was so mad at something that wasn’t that big of a deal. the conversation below happened (her voice was slightly raised)

my mom: you always say i get upset with you for nothing me: when was the last time i did that? my mom: the last time we fought me: and when was that?? my mom: my mom: it doesnt matter

she started talking about how it was a problem i think i “always get what i want” and if i didnt think it was a problem that i had a “serious problem” with her. i started to be unresponsive, just looking ahead and replying with “okay” and not being on my phone. she started to try to talk to me, and turned on the radio station i like to listen to. she started to tell me she loved me. she apologized afterwards, and its the only time i can ever remember her apologizing for anything.

there was a time we got into an argument, she said that we “dont have [my] dad to be peacemaker,” completely ignoring that it was NEVER his role to be peacemaker, and that she only ever made him yell at me more.

she talked a LOT about my dad and how awful he was, and about their marriage problems. she told me at one point that her bipolar is so bad because my dad never had sex with her enough.

she attempted to have .... something with one of my really close friend’s dad at one point in time, in the past couple years or so. i walked in on them making out sometime. she wanted to date him-- and lied about it-- and he didn’t because he was a bit weirded out because my dad had still somewhat recently passed away. she cried for a whole 24 HOURS, ignoring sleeping time, about him and about how much she missed my dad, but never let me grieve in my own way.

we were at perkins when the subject of dating was brought up and i told her i was uncomfortable with it (it hadnt even been a year, or had just been a year or something) and she told me, again, to “get over it”

and, then, she got her boytoy (who we’ll call larry) and successfully got (and still has) a friend with benefits. she lied to me a long time, and told me that they weren't together or anything despite them fucking while i was home, and NOT being silent about it, either. i eventually told her i knew and that it made me uncomfortable that they had sex while i was at home. she told me to get over it at first, that i always got everything i asked for, so on and so forth.

after a while, and me continuously asking her not to have sex while i was home because i already walked in on her once, she told me that it was her house and that her friends couldn’t “believe the audacity [i] had asking her not to fuck while im home” and she.. hasn’t stopped. ive actually found her bondage gear recently.

(sidenote on larry: hes... really disgusting. he watched one of my friends take a shower while she was over, and when i told my mom that she said “well not everyone is perfect.”)

and then... the night that prompted me to start this post, which happened october 8th. she left me home alone for ~30hours (and i only saw her for 2 of those), which... i had already told her numerous times that i dont like to be home alone at night because it causes my delusions to act up and makes me very paranoid. on the third night she was gone, i texted her a handful of times asking how she was because i hadn’t seen her, and i missed her (a novel concept) and.. that was apparently the wrong thing to do.

she came home at 2am that night and started to ask me why i could never be home alone and making it way deeper than it actually needed to be. she called me a coward for my delusions, selfish, and told me that she didn’t think i was going to be a functioning human being. she told me that im faking my mental illnesses because i want an excuse to be scared (which ill get into later*) and refused to acknowledge the research i had done on these mental illnesses. at one point she was guilt tripping me, and i gave in and admitted it was my fault... and then she..? guilt tripped me? for that. she said that i was just “saying that to make [her] feel bad.” she told me that i was making up my mental illness symptoms by telling me that they’re.... “in [my] head” and that i cant be mentally ill because ive stood up for myself twice. (the only reason that i’ve stood up for myself is because the things that were happening were very hazardous to my health and i was close to killing myself)

i had been sleeping in her room because my air conditioning upstairs wasnt working and it was too hot to exist up there at all, and so i packed the items i brought down with me, and was moving to go upstairs. she forced me to stay downstairs because i was “running away from the conversation” (which ill also get into later**) and forced me to stay the night downstairs. after the conversation was said and done, she returned and told me “do you ever think your delusions and hallucinations are overactive imagination because of your ocd and you think of the worse possible scenario when you hear a noise?” which is...not how anything works.

the following morning, she was EXTREMELY petty and wouldnt let me leave her side since “i missed her so much!!” and continued to force me to spend time with her and refused to let me on my laptop or phone. she started to yell at me again (which i cant really remember what she said, but she called me selfish for.. wanting her around?)

BONUS CONTENT :) aka stuff that i wasnt able to put in to keep it chronological

my mom has always threatened to ground me because of crying (though she said she would “never ground me because it would ground [her] too”) and im basically... not allowed to feel anything but happy, because if i express any other emotion it always results in her yelling at me for some reason.

*she gladly admits that i inherited OCD from my dad (who had an extreme case, as well as almost my dad’s whole entire family) but refuses to admit that i also inherited psychosis from her. ive brought up that im pretty sure i have DPDR, but she also refuses to even learn what it is and tells me that im just faking it. she won’t get me help, and says she won’t.

**my mom walks away whenever she doesnt get her way in an argument. she has left me in the middle of a museum in another state (not without shouting “fuck you” at me from across the room first), in the middle of a parking lot for at least 5 minutes, walked out of my grandma’s house twice, and then walked away from me another time downtown (thankfully i was with a friend.)

she shits on literally anything i enjoy. we go to the movies, i show her shows, i talk about things i like and she always has to find something she hated about it. even when she cant find anything specific, she replies with “eh it was okay” and doesn't fake it to ever let her child enjoy something. i always feel bad immediately after. the most recent example i can think with this is seeing moana with her.

if anything Major Happens(tm) ill probably reblog this and add it on, but until then.................. yeah

[siarven]

Dreams and Shadows

AKA my current fantasy WIP novel of too many words even though it’s not even done. 

Other projects I’m working on

Status:

First Draft done. Second and third drafts abandoned half-way through because they were stupid. Currently on the fourth draft, the one that might actually be worthwhile! 

Wrote the first draft during NaNoWriMo 2014. 93,734 words. At first it was called Dreamweaver, then Dreamweaver and Shadowdancer, and then I shortened that because it sounded stupid. 

Now the total wordcount that I’ve invested in this stupid book is in the 500K words area, and the current approved words are roughly 75K. It’s probably going to be two books if I can’t get myself to write less ô.Ó

The world (called Aelaris) is a mix of steampunk and solarpunk and fantasy, it has three intricate magic systems, and is also set after an apocalypse that pretty much wiped everything from the face of the earth. So while it’s been about 500 years since then (and the world from before was technologically incredibly savvy, on the brink of wrecking the whole planet) almost nothing from that world has survived except sealed-off ruins and mouth-to-mouth told legends. The technology that society does have nowadays is a wild mix of magic-, steam- and solar-powered machinery. Most of the continent is ruled by the Empire of the New Dawn, a conglomerate of different tribes who subjugated each other after the fall of society. The Empire grew so strong mostly because they managed to find out how to control the magic-users who started popping up everywhere after the apocalypse. Nowadays children with magic potential are found by a procedure called the Testing, which every child reaching age 4 has to undergo. If they have potential, they’ll be whisked away to be trained and raised (and indoctrinated) seperately, and they’ll only see their parents twice every year afterwards. The only reason why the Empire still exists and almost nobody is able to oppose them is because their grip on the Asim (magic-users) is absolute, and brutal. (It’s one of my meanest magic systems yet, because it makes the user HIGHLY addictive, usually kills you before you turn 25, and only a handful in the Empire know how to make the fluids used...) Maybe I’ll make a post about Asim-Magic in the future!

Synopsis:

The lives of two siblings, Ava and Ben, are thoroughly disrupted when Ben has a life-threatening freak “accident” that leaves him in a weird coma-like state, and nobody knows exactly what happened. Ava’s whole life up until that point has been revolving around Ben so this comes as quite a shock, especially since their parents aren’t exactly healthy or well-functioning either, and nobody knows how to cope with this possible loss since Ben was always the one holding the family together. Ben, meanwhile, “wakes up” days later in a sort of In-Between-World and remembers nothing at all. Now he has to find a way to return before the living give up on him, and Ava has to help her parents reconnect and learn that pushing everyone away when they only want to help is probably not the best plan. And maybe there’s a way for her to help Ben, even if she isn’t quite sure if he’s still there. It’s a good thing, then, that the family cat is a lot more than she seems! Also includes a bunch of tiny dragons, some ancient entities, a former pirate queen, a few monsters, a whole bunch of pigeons, and a demon who may have something to do with the accident.

Characters in this story include:

The Nichols Family

- Elizabeth “Liz” Nichols, a clockwork engineer/scientist who loves science more than anything and is kind of bad with people but tries very hard, most of the time. She connects with Ava over their shared love for knowledge and science and loves both her children and her husband very much. She’s incapable of properly conveying those emotions. I’m so sorry, Liz.

- Jonathan “Jon” Nichols, a children’s book artist who never got over the loss of his oldest daughter, Elinor. He’s depressed since a few years because he feels responsible for losing her, and he feels responsible for not connecting with his wife like he used to, and he feels bad for failing his children, but mostly he feels empty and lost and all those burdens are slowly but surely drowning him. The only light in his life are Ben, Ava, and Elinor, when she visits. What am I doing to this poor man???

- Elinor Vika Nichols, the oldest daughter, 15, who was taken by the Asim (the “magic-users”) at age four because she had potential abilities herself. She is allowed to see her family twice every year and lives at the Asimdrium during the rest of the time where she’s trained. The Asim are controlled by the Empress and basically the reason why the Empire doesn’t fall apart, and why the society works the way it does. [And the magic-system(s) and all that are very complex, I think I’ll make a new post for that specifically when I have time. Suffice to say using this sort of magic also kills you, slowly. Most Asim live only between 20 and 25 years.] I’m so sorry, Eli.

- Benjamin Alec “Ben” Nichols, the middle child (and oldest one, after Elinor got taken). He’s basically the reason why the whole family hasn’t broken apart yet. He more or less takes care of both his father and his little sister while excelling in school at the same time, because he thinks it’s what people expect of him. And now he’s practically dying. Poor baby, he just needs a break! What am I doing to him?!

- Ava Elyssa Nichols, the youngest daughter, 8 years old. Her whole life basically revolves around Ben, she’s afraid of the darkness and the monsters it holds, afraid of her parents fighting (which hasn’t happened in a long time but still) and sleeps in Ben’s bed at night because she knows that he’s the only one who can keep the monsters away. She loves her parents, too, and connects best with her mother because she also shares her fascination with sciency stuff. And now her whole life has collapsed because Ben is suddenly gone and Ava doesn’t know how to cope with that.

Others

- Kiyera Sy, a 57-year old woman who has given up on life after losing both her lover and son. The only thing that keeps her going is taking care of the city’s abandoned pets and carrier pigeons. She spent most of her life as a pirate queen fighting the very empire she now lives in. One day I might will write her story.

- Amelia Chastner and Niall Cohen – the best friends of Ava who have to put up with so much shit but still love Ava and only want to help, bless them. Amelia is also bad with people so she’d probably get along perfectly with Liz, and Niall is a people person. Nobody knows why he chose Ava. Also, they hate each other but they are willing to put up with that shit to help Ava. If only Ava would see that!

And now before we move on to the OTHERS, here’s a general overview of the worldbuilding so you understand at least the basics of it beforehand :P

There’s a group of creatures known as the Ellariel. They’re remnants of an older world that has been destroyed millennia ago, the last survivors so to speak. They live in a sort of In-between world which they cannot leave because they can’t survive outside of it. Ellariel are practically immortal but this has been so long ago that there have been more than ten generations in between the original survivors and now. The only two original Ellariel are the creatures watching over this world: Viridaeya, Goddess of Creation, and Ruienn, God of Destruction. Both chose their names themselves, based on the powers they would embody when they chose to Ascend, to properly fulfill their tasks. When the first and second generations had died and only the third remained, the Ellariel broke into two subgroups: The Natah and the Nanaël, mostly because there were a few incidents and it was generally decided that they were too powerful, so each Ellariel chose for themselves which of their Gods they would follow, and which power they would choose over the other. The results were mostly balanced because back then they still knew about the importance of balance.

Since the Ellariel who are alive now are from the fifth to the tenth generation they never got the chance to choose between Creation and Destruction, being born into their role, which is a sore point for many of them.

They can’t leave the In-Between spaces or influence the physical world so they bond to a human child which can do that for them. Every child is chosen by both a Nanaël and a Natah, though, because humans can decide between creation and destruction so the Ellariel aren’t capable of influencing directly, they can just hope that their chosen human will act for them. Every child therefore has the potential for magic, it’s just that some have more and some less. Also, the Natah and Nanaël have formed into regulated pairs, so that they either work very well with each other (like Azrae and Iuri) or try to cancel out each other’s influence (like Mikaën and Luzire).

Ellariel and Affiliated include:

- Fiyare, a 500-year-old once-human Guardian who is trying to protect the Nichols family. She’s kind of failing, though. Badly. She’s also best friends with Mikaën.

- Alasayr, a demon and once-human, who is responsible for all of Ben’s problems (maybe not all but at least most of them). He is Luzire’s right hand.  

- Azrae, a Natah who chose Ava; They’re the Protector of the Realm of the Fallen (and Guide of those on their way there). They fall on the nonbinary spectrum and prefers they/them/their but is also all right with she/her. 

- Iuri, Ava’s Nanaël. She’s also known as Lady of Fire.

- Mikaën, Ben’s Nanaël. He’s the leader of the Nanaël but has sort of given up since every child he’s chosen during the last 300 years was either taken or killed by the Asim. He only chose Ben because Fiyare told him to, and he trusts her wisdom.  

- Luzire, a Natah who strongly dislikes being forced into roles she hasn’t chosen herself. She’s also completely bonkers and wants to destroy the universe. Since she and Mikaën are partners in choosing children she’s Ben’s Natah. At least she’s imprisoned ever since she brought on the last apocalypse and even though she’s not quite as imprisoned as everyone seems to think she is still in there and hasn’t found a way to escape yet. Alasayr works for her only because she isn’t powerful yet to get access to her other friends.  

[marshmallowprotection]

Kait Reacts To The AE 4/?

Hi! These reactions are written out every time a Chatroom opens and it’s done over the course of the day. So, you’re watching me react in real time as it is for me. So, Spoilers AHOY. Expect Another post like this later today, there is just too many chats to put it all in one post. So, hey, if you click this, you’re opening yourself to spoilers, you make the choice.

[00:23 + Visual Novel] 

Hey, hey, hey, it looks like Saeran leaving the chat open was a good thing. It was my hope that it was going to do something like this by him leaving it open because there was only one way this is going. I knew that his brother wasn't going to be able to get a hold of his phone in the situation that he was in and if he did, it wasn't going to be pretty. I know that we got a frantic text from him earlier but it was very vague and he told us not to do anything or come for him. So I'm pretty sure that he's not going to be happy that we're coming for him none the less. It is how to be able to talk to Vanderwood like this, it's been a while. I think the last time consistently that we had contact with them where we interacted with them was during V Route. Ah, Remember When that CG made everyone go crazy?

I honestly wasn't sure that it was sent first to be honest with you and I was kind of concerned that it was the boss. But, we know that tone of voice and that way that they freeze themselves so it kind of took away some of the anxiety that I was feeling.

Vanderwood feels very clearly guilty over what happens because they do continue to apologize to us about it and it's just kind of what they have to do, at least that's what they say. As I said before they were given this Mission without a choice and they make a point to us very clearly that they have no control over it and said we need to stop while we're ahead. Saeran doesn't want to run away or give up anymore. He wants to be able to make his life what he wants it to be and for it to be that he needs to be able to help his brother.

Vanderwood basically spent the rest of the chat telling us about how they view Saeyoung. But, they were talking about him in the past tense because he's likely not to make it to the morning in their opinion. They basically say that we need to turn around right now and run away. They say that they have been the agency for over 12 years and that just makes me wonder about their age even more. I want to say early 30s? They're clearly trying to do their best with what they have on that situation because they need to delete the call log and everything before the boss is it because they have to hand over the phone. So I don't know what we're going to do next with the chat room. I don't know if we can reason with Vanderwood.

They care about Seven but they're not willing to die for him. Saeran begs for anything but they leave.

And then, onto the Visual novel. Saeran comes back to our room and we are fast asleep now. He said he should have hurried but he's happy to lay here with us while he can. There's a lot on his mind, so many ideas and... he is forlorn with so much right now. He doesn't know what he is going to do. He only knows that he feels like he can strive forward because we believe in him and that helps him believe in himself.

In the end, he decides that he doesn't want to run away even though he's scared. He's come to the point where he wants to be able to talk to his brother and work past what happened and what was forced upon him and that's a really big step from where he once was. He knows that he may not be able to handle his trauma response but he wants to try. He wants to give it a chance and he wants to see things through fruition. He really does and as he lays here with the player, the only thing he could think about is how he doesn't want this moment to end and for things to move forward because that means that he's going to have to face his demons. But, he'll do it. He'll do it as long as you're there with him.

[02:22]

I woke up in a daze at four in the morning to do this chat and got seven hearts and one hourglass out of it. I wasn’t all that surprised when it came to what was happening to be honest with you. I knew that once we have Vanderwood around it was going to be... getting serious and now we’ve hit that wall that says that we need to get them to help us. Saeran knows that we need more help but we can’t turn back to C&R or the RFA because they’re still asleep.

There’s only so much that we can do right now and that worries me.

Saeran has really hit that point where he needs to admit that we need help, and he wants to make things right with Saeyoung. I’m happy that he wants to try in a lot of ways even though he knows that it’s going to hurt him sometimes... he still  knows that he have to try. We have to see it through.

Even risking it on Vanderwood.

[8:00]

Zen is awake now. He’s... really shocked about what’s going on and I cannot blame him in the slightest for it. He wishes that he could help us but there’s not a lot that anyone can do. Every time this game says fake news, I cannot. I cannot with this game. I see what they’re saying and it only makes me wanna throttle Saejoong with my bare hands. That’s what’s gonna happen before the end of the day, I swear to God. I just hate bad dads. I hate people with this much vitriol in their hearts.

Jaehee and Jumin are still not awake and we have to point out that since they aren’t around, the rumor mill is only going to get worse. I’m worried about them and I’m worried about our friends. I want them to be alright but I know that we are well from out of the woods on this. I’m just happy to talk to Zen, he’s always my trust knight in shining armor. He wants to help us, and honestly, when he said that he never would have let us leave like we did...

I know he’s right. He’s almost in shock over V... and Rika.

It’s the calm before the story. Here comes the visual novel and I really think this is a bad ending that people have been hitting? Can someone tell me if the novel from this hour is a bad ending point? I passed this branch but I don’t know. I’ve been logging what I can about where I think BEs are but I know that I won’t know until I actually hit one. Here’s hoping that I can get this right the first time. If not, well, this blog is gonna be quiet for a WHILE.

And boy, howdy, this visual novel fucked me up.

We’re going into the apartment. 

Well, we’re going into the apartment. We have the code and everything and it’s going to be... something. I knew that I couldn’t let him go in there alone because I feared it would spark the BE that I assume is there. So, I went with him and I refused to let him suffer this weight alone. So, hold your breath and here we go into hell. I was worried that Saeyoung wasn’t... okay.

The Prime Minister is gone. Saeyoung is here. We have a discussion about what is really going on. What the deal was and let me fucking tell you that I fucking screeched. I knew it I was right. I knew I was right. All I have to say is that I just fucking knew it. I knew it and I hate that. 

I knew that Rika and V were going to do something like this. I didn’t want to think that V was going to do this. I didn’t want to say that Rika was going to use them or kill them to gain her safety from hell but yeah, I knew that it was possible and that was my worst case scenario.

It’s Bad Ending 3 all over again where we have a puppet king. I’ll get to that in a second. Saeyoung is in shock to see his brother and I just... I had to take a moment when i was playing because he was crying, Saeran was on edge, and I was on the brink of tears myself to see them together again. However, I knew that we weren’t going to be able to save him today. My worst thought was Rika AND V using the boys for their own gains. V already went down but while I’m seeing him as the tragic martyr, I really don’t know what I’m supposed to think if he’s willing to do this for Rika.

This is why I tell you to never trust Rika. This is why I said over and over again that it was a trap and she was lying. It’s always about Rika. I don’t care what she intended, this deal with the boss and the Prime Minister was made so they could be puppets. Saeyoung and Saeran were to be used as a ploy to make everyone hate C&R and give power back to Saejoong and the agency. 

I’m fucking livid. 

However, we came with Saeran, he wasn’t knocked out, and this is why Rika and V kept saying “You’ll be happy even without Saeran” and “I wished that the haven Saeran had with you would be nice but...” Nope. Both of you on literally on my throttle list right now. I don’t know if V would try to help them but how can he at that point? V, you’re driving me nuts. I don’t want to hate you as well but you are giving me a fucking headache. I already know I can’t trust Rika. I can’t believe you’ve made me never want to trust you again, and you’ve always been on thin ice with me. 

What’s worse, is that I knew what was coming after this. 

Saeyoung’s deal is that Saeran goes free. As long as Saeran is free, then he will... suffer. He will suffer and play the role until he dies to ensure that his brother can live. There’s tears in his eyes but he’s accepted this fate, he wants Saeran to be happy and free so he’s going to be a puppet for the Prime Minister, Rika, and more. What’s more, is that he’s going to destroy C&R with a secret he knows about them to ensure that Saeran can leave, that we can leave this him and ensure he’s safe and happy. 

Saeyoung would do anything for his brother, and Saeran knows with tears in his eyes that his brother hasn’t changed. He’s still in there. That hatred that was put on him was... not okay. He knows, he can see it in his heart that he can’t be mad with his brother right now. He wants to save him but here  Saeyoung is again, about to give up everything for him. 

Saeyoung would do anything. Anything. For his brother. That kind of love is... I don’t know. It’s strong and true. He knows that by doing this, it means that his friends will suffer the most. He knows that... everyone will hurt, but he has to do this for Saeran. He has no choice. We have no choice. He has to be a puppy, and he tries to reassure Saeran... tries to make sure that he knows that he loves him and that he’s happy he’s safe and...

I cannot express most of my thoughts. I’m crying?

Saeyoung feared that Saeran hated him all this time because he left him behind but he sees us with Saeran, and he decides that we’re a good person. He trusts us with him and he wishes us the best. Then, he makes sure that we leave, he gets Vanderwood to take us out. Saeran is in a state of shock about this and he cannot speak, we have to leave with Vanderwood in tow. When we’re gone, Saeyoung says that he won’t do shit until we’re out of the building and gone from here. 

“I’ll be your puppet when I know he’s safe.” 

“Before I let you do that, tell me about C&R and what you know. You owe me now, so you better pay up.”

I was still in tears when Zen called, but that was more or less him just making sure we were okay and that... you know, Saeyoung... I couldn’t even tell him that we couldn’t save him. I just said, “We WILL save him.” Because, neither Saeran nor I are going to rest here. This is not the end. 

[09:45 + Visual Novel]

Alright, I knew that something was going to happen with Vanderwood after this. They kept Saeyoung’s phone. I knew that I could trust my gut with them, I know they won’t die for Saeyoung. However, they’ve been with him long enough that they look out for him like he’s their pesky child. I appreciate that, and God, if you like Vanderwood, you’re just getting fed right now. I honestly love to get more in their head because we hardly ever have gotten a chance for that in the past and it just helps me confirm that they’re such a Tsundere. 

I have to agree with them. I know that the agency isn’t going to hold up their end of the deal. People like that? Yeah, no, I can’t count on them. They’ll be sure to go ahead and kill not only Saeran, but us as well. That clears up everything that they could have ever had a problem with. Saeyoung will be a puppet for them as long as he breathes until they don’t need him anymore. And, the agency will kill us and simply tell him that we’re alive. 

They’ll likely doctor photos if Saeyoung ever presses, but honestly, I don’t know how could have faith in them knowing about the deal. Even Vanderwood tells us what I suspect. 

Yeah, and I know that I’m not wrong about that. People like this are cut-throat and they simply do not care. It’s a short chat and then we jump into the Visual Novel really quick. Saeran is still... having a moment, but we talk it through an he confirms once more that he... knows that Saeyoung wasn’t lying. He could feel it in his heart and see it in his eyes. He blames himself for believing the lies but we reassure him that it’s going to be okay. He was a child. It’s not his fault. He was the one that was tricked and manipulated. 

You once again get to decide if you want to abandon everyone or if you want to try to save him. Vanderwood texts you a location to meet and now we’re going to try and meet with them. I decide that we’re not stopping until we’re saving him and Saeran agrees. We can’t let Saeyoung suffer and there’s just too much to leave him. We won’t be safe until we have Saeyoung with us. 

And... then we go back to Saeyoung. 

He’s playing the part of a puppet. He lies on camera and says everything was just a farce. “I’m not really the son of the Prime Minister. My mom just told me that and I wanted to get his attention, so I acted out like a child the entire time and fortunately, the man has forgiven me for acting like a child.” I’m unable to really focus on this because it really hurts to see Saeyoung like this. 

I’m having call backs to Savior Saeran.

I just... it hurts to see this. There’s not a lot to point out here other than the fact that he’s suffering so fucking much. The boss orders Vanderwood to knock him out, and Saeyoung pauses, demanding that he knows that we got away and that we’re safe. The boss says no. Vanderwood quickly flashes the chat log to him and then knocks him out after the boss orders him. This agent is on really thin ice right now but they’re really risking everything to do this. This is a fine line to walk and I’m happy they are on our side for now. 

And now as for the secret that we know about C&R? 

Oh my God. Jumin was using an implant on Elizabeth whenever something happened as a digital marker for deals and agreement. Nobody would have ever suspected anything at all when Elizabeth was in the room! They merely think that Jumin is just really fond of his cat, and we know that he is, but wow, this man thinks of everything, doesn’t he? They’re about to cat-nap Elizabeth to get their hands on deals, marking, and more. This is everything that C&R has and it isn’t just what the public knows, it’s a mark of everything that happens down to the letter. 

They wonder if Saeyoung is lying, though, even though Vanderwood has found a trace. 

But... 

There’s a phone call with Saeran after this but it’s mostly just us confiding in each other and talking about our next move. We’re going to Vanderwood and we aren’t going to stop until we rescue Saeyoung. 

[annaaa-laurennn]

H.G | “I was hoping you’d do that”

Masterlist (x) Requests (x) A/N: This is my first Hayes imagine to ever write and post. I’d love some feedback & feel free to send me a request. 

...

 Hayes Grier was such a special boy. I grew up with him, living in the same town, attending the same schools, traveling the same roads, hanging out with the same people. There wasn’t a time, past the age of five, that I couldn’t remember him being present in some way. Somewhere along the way I fell in love with him. 

Hayes had made a name for himself. Yet, despite all of the fame he had received, the two of us still remained friends. We weren’t as close as we once were, due to the fact that he had moved out to L.A. and all, but nevertheless we were still friends. I was overjoyed when I heard that Hayes was coming home for the summer. Little did I know that he would bringing someone else with him. 

“I’m so excited. I haven’t seen him in ages,” I gushed to my best friend as I applied my favorite lip gloss. 

“Are you finally going to tell him?”, she asked. Her being my closest friend, knew that I had a crush on Hayes. She knew that the just the thought of him caused me to blush. She knew that the sound of his name would bring a bright smile to my face.

“Tell him what?” I pretended to have no idea as to what she was talking about. Only because the thought of ever admitting to Hayes that I had these feelings caused me to become nervous. I doubted myself and even if I was crazy about him, would he even give me a chance? I was nothing more than the girl next door. 

“Girl, you know what I’m talking about,” Y/F/N said with a slight glare. “Are you going to tell Hayes that you’re practically obsessed with him?”

“Well when you put it that way it just makes me sound like a creepy stalker,” I laughed. In all seriousness though, I had wanted to tell Hayes how I felt. We were seventeen and even though we were still both so young, I knew I wouldn’t always have forever to tell him. I hoped to have the chance when I saw him tonight. 

“You might as well be,” Y/F/N joked, “you never stop talking about him.” 

“Whatever,” I said with an eye roll and changed the conversation a bit. I asked for her assistance in picking out the perfect outfit. 

Six o’clock rolled around and I decided that would be an adequate time to leave my house. Hayes’ family was throwing him a ‘Welcome Home’ party, if you would call it. Honestly it was probably more like a get together rather than party. Several of his old friends and acquaintances were invited to simply welcome him home. It had been so long since any of had saw him, therefore, everyone was ecstatic for his arrival. 

The event was planned to be a surprise for Hayes. Therefore, everyone arrived to his family’s home prior to him. I greeted his mother, Elizabeth, when I first arrived. Once upon a time, she had been like a second mother to me. “It’s so nice to see you!”

“Oh, Y/N, I’ve missed you so much. I’m so happy that you were able to come and I know that Hayes is going to be so excited to see you.” Elizabeth said. Just as any other time, the mention of his name brought a huge, genuine smile to my face. 

After conversing with Elizabeth for a moment, I searched the room for other familiar faces. I eventually found another friend of mine. I opted to go speak to her, in an attempt to pass the time. As each moment passed by, I grew more and more anxious for Hayes’ arrival. I caught myself daydreaming of the moment I’d have alone with him, how I would admit to him my true feelings and those feelings would be reciprocated by him. I dreamed of a happily ever after. 

I glanced down at my watch, it read 6:48; Hayes would be here any moment. He couldn’t get there soon enough. Eventually, the front door swung open. The room bursted with “surprise” and “welcome home” greetings. My eyes immediately landed on the beautiful, brown haired, blue eyed boy. Hayes was such a sight for sore eyes. He walked in with his older brother, Nash. I was so excited to see Hayes for the first time in forever that I didn’t even notice the other person, but when I did my heart dropped. Draped around Hayes’ left arm was a beautiful blonde. She was supermodel gorgeous. She absolutely looked liked she stepped right out of California. “Who’s she?” I whispered underneath my breath. 

Hayes and Nash looked genuinely happy to be surrounded by their family and friends. They each made their rounds, being sure to speak to everyone who attended. I just patiently awaited for Hayes to spot me in the room. 

A few minutes in, I noticed that Hayes was across the room speaking to a boy that he once played football with. As he was nearing the end of the conversation, he spotted me out of the corner of his eye. A smile spread across his face as he looked over my way. He quickly threw his index finger up in the air, indicating that he would be just a moment. I sent a smile back to him. 

“Y/N!” Hayes exclaimed once he got in arms length, he threw his arms around my small body and pull me into a hug. “It’s been so long. I can’t believe you’re here,” he said as he pulled away. 

I smiled and lightly chuckled, “I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”

“There’s someone I want you to meet real quick,” Hayes said. Oh gosh! Is he about to introduce to me to the girl he brought? I would’ve totally ran and hid in that moment if I had the opportunity. Hayes waved his hand in the air, motioning for the girl to come his way. “Y/N, I want you to meet my girlfriend Robbin.” There it was, the word girlfriend.

I could have sworn I felt my heart drop to my stomach. She was beautiful, no wonder Hayes had choose her. I knew nothing about her, but a part of me wanted to despise her. Yet, I managed to fake a smile and play nice. “It’s so nice to meet you Robbin.”

She smiled and shook my hand, “Hayes had told me so much about you. He has shared so many stories of the two of you growing up together. It’s so funny actually getting to meet you.” 

I couldn’t help but to laugh a bit. There was honestly no telling in what stories Hayes had chose to share with her. There were so many funny, entertaining ones. 

“I will text you after tonight and we will hang out sometime to just catch up. We used to always have such a great time together.” At least Hayes still wanted to hangout with me. He was right though, we did used to have a great time together. More like the best time. 

“Sounds great,” I said. I didn’t want to be rude and leave the party way too early. But to be quite honest, I hated seeing Hayes with his new girlfriend. What made it so awful was that Robbin seemed like a nice girl, so I didn’t even have a  legitimate excuse to dislike her. However, I managed to tough it through the evening. I didn’t leave until the party had settled down and several of the other guests had already left. 

“Bye, Hayes! It was nice to see you,” I said before leaving the family home. 

As soon as I got into my car and started the ignition, I dialed Y/F/N number. A few rings in, she answered the phone. “Hello?”

“I’m coming over to your house to spend the night. I’ll be there in ten minutes,” I said. Luckily, we were close enough friends that we were allowed to do things like such. I was in desperate need of some girl time. I was on the brink of tears and I simply wanted to spill it all to my best friend. 

Approximately fifteen minutes later, I was knocking on Y/F/N’s front door. She opened the door and could immediately tell that there was something wrong. “Omg, Y/N, are you okay? What happened?” 

“He has a girlfriend!” I exclaimed, with a bit of sadness, anger, and irritation all mixed into the tone of my voice. 

“You’re joking!” Y/F/N said, taking a seat on her couch. I sat beside her. 

“No, and she’s so stunning. She looks like she just stepped off the cover of Vogue Magazine. I didn’t have much of a chance with him before, much less now. I can’t even compete with her.” I was instantly becoming more and more insecure.

“Did he talk to you?” Y/F/N asked. 

“Yeah, and get this...he wants to hang out so we can ‘catch up’”, I said adding finger quotations around that last part. 

“Well that’s probably a good thing, right?” Y/F/N asked, a little unsure. 

“I mean yeah - I guess. But he has a girlfriend. He’s obviously off limits now.” I said with a hint of disappointment. 

“Maybe she’s just temporary,” Y/F/N suggested. 

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

The next morning I received a text message from Hayes. It read: “Lets meet downtown for pizza. How’s 2:00?” I smiled at his message and immediately replied, confirming our plans. I hoped that he wouldn’t bring his new found girlfriend along with him. I was hoping for it to just be the two of us. 

“Help me pick a super cute outfit,” I said to my friend, “Hayes and I are going out for pizza.” 

“You should wear that black top that you got last week. It looks amazing on you,” Y/F/N suggested. 

“Do you think I should just be open and tell him how I feel?” I had spent most of the night thinking about him. I could just imagine him being relieved and telling me that he felt the same. However, I also feared that he would be surprised and feel the complete opposite. 

“I don’t know, Y/N. I mean just try to read him. If the time seems right then go for it, if not then don’t.” 

I spent the next few hours taking my sweet time to get ready. I couldn’t quit thinking about him. Walking into that pizza restaurant, I had absolutely no idea how the afternoon was going to play out. I didn’t know whether or not I was going to spill my feelings. I just prayed that walking out of there that I would still have a friend in Hayes. 

I arrived at 2:00, right on the dot. I quickly scanned the small room for the familiar brown haired boy. I finally spotted him at booth in the corner. He was alone; what a relief. I smiled and waved as I walked over to the table. “Hey!”

“What’s up?” Hayes questioned as I took my seat across the table from him. 

“Not much, but let me just tell you. I’ve been looking forward to this pizza all afternoon,” I joked. We ended up ordering our favorite topping pizza. It was seriously the best in town. I loved having a conversation with Hayes. I questioned him about L.A and his work. He asked how things back at home were going. I proceeded to explain my excitement for senior year.

“You know when you graduate that means you can come out to L.A to visit me more,” said Hayes. If I didn't know any better, I would say that Hayes had a flirtatious vibe going on. But nevertheless, I loved the idea of visiting him out in L.A. I even loved it more because the idea came from Hayes himself. 

“Absolutely. I would love that.” 

We sat at the table long after we finished eating. About two hours to be more specific. We just had so much to talk about. The entire time I had to bite my tongue. I just wanted to scream out, “omg Hayes I am so in love with you.” Yet, I held it in every time. 

After he paid for our food, he stood up from his seat and offered his hand out for me take. Such a gentleman. I graciously took his hand and lifted myself up from own seat. We walked outside and I just couldn’t hold in anymore. He was everything that I wanted. 

“I can’t wait for us to do this again,” Hayes smiled. 

Without even thinking about what may happen next, I just kissed him. People were looking and it was likely the most inappropriate thing, but for once I didn’t care. It take long for him to start kissing me back. I pulled away and just looking into his beautiful eyes. “I’m so sorry. I know you have a girlfriend but I just -.” I began to apologize but before I could even complete my thought, he cut me off. 

“I was hoping you’d do that,” he admitted with a sweet smile following. 

[thran-duils]

Cheers (APA Part 3)

TITLE: Cheers (APA Part 3) PAIRING: Reader/AU!Castiel SUMMARY: Your parents are having their 30th anniversary and you are visiting your hometown after years of being gone. After living in the city for so long, coming back to your small town is overwhelming and also brings about a lot of baggage. Including your intense high school romance with Castiel. WORDS: 2,110 Warnings: Language AUTHOR’S NOTE: Italics are the past.

Part 2 || Part 4 || MASTERPOST  || Fanfic masterpost

You placed menus back in the box attached to the end of the counter and moved around the back of it, grabbing coffee to refill the cups of the customers sitting at the counter. They were appreciative, giving you small thanks before returning to their conversation or the newspapers they were reading.

The bell dinged on the door and you looked over, ready to greet them. Your face broke out in a smile seeing Castiel walking up to you. He must have just finished a shift, he was still dressed in his clothes. It was illegal to have a minor working midnight to eight you knew by federal law, but his employer didn’t care. And Castiel just wanted the money.

Approaching the counter, he twirled his keys around his finger. “You off soon?”

“An hour.”

“Only a three hour shift?”

“I’ll go over my hours if I stay any later.”

“Well, we wouldn’t want that, now would we?”

Snorting, you brushed some dust off his shoulder and he leaned in, teasing, “Better watch it. Sharon might flip if she sees you flicking dust onto her pristine floor.”

“I think the mud on your shoes might overshadow a bit of dust.’

Castiel looked down worried, finding nothing. You snorted again, knowing you had got him. He shot you a look and said, “I knew I knocked it off before I came inside. I don’t know why I let you trick me like that.”

“Cause I’m so innocent. How could I ever be lying?”

Sharon came up from behind you and stated not unfriendly, “Y/N, I know you’re distracted but Roy wants a refill on his coffee.”

“I apologize for the distraction. I’m distracted myself. You got yourself a fine-looking employee,” Castiel told Sharon, giving her a wink.

Sharon chortled, “She has to work, Castiel. Don’t be bothering her!”

“I’ll order something,” Castiel promised, a wide smile on his face. He took a spot at the bar and leaned across the counter. You rolled your eyes, smiling at his foolish behavior, picking up the coffee again and heading around the counter to go to Roy’s table.

You made small talk with him as you refilled it, asking if he wanted anything else to eat. He declined and you turned, your eyes meeting Castiel’s. He was watching you with such admiration, chewing on his thumbnail in between an amused smile. Such a simple action made your heart skip a beat and you rolled your eyes, trying to hide your delight at his attention. You knew he didn’t buy it for a second. You two were head over heels for the other, too deep and at a young age. All you wanted was to be with him and have him go everywhere with you.

<> <> <>

“Fine,” you answered, placing your purse down on the other side of you. You turned to face him more fully and stated, “Just working. And finding pleasure where I can. Went to a music festival a couple weeks ago.”

“Yeah, saw that,” Castiel remarked.

You remembered that he had recently friend requested you and you had been hesitant to accept his request, more afraid of him judging you than anything. You were surprised you still cared so much about what he thought of you but then you scolded yourself for being so foolish. Of course you still cared what he thought. You were not over him. You honestly believed you never fully would be. But, you half believed he had done it at that time he did because he knew you were going to be coming back home soon and wanted to connect before you did. But, he hadn’t private messaged you, only liked your posts.

“Was it fun?”

Nodding, you said, “Yeah.”

“Glad you didn’t go alone.”

Oh no… by his tone and the way he looked at you, he thought that you were actually with Derek.

Tucking a piece of hair behind your ear, you gave him a relaxed smile, “Yeah. It was fun to go with friends. Although, I did let Derek leave for a little bit. He found himself a piece of eye candy. He has a thing for lanky, hipster looking guys. Couldn’t let him lose a chance to indulge.”

There. It was out there that Derek in no way, shape or form would – or wanted – to ever be into you.

You swore you saw some relief pass Castiel’s face and he chuckled, “How kind of you.”

“I made friends, it was fine.”

“You’re usually pretty good at that.”

“It’s a gift. What can I say?”

This drew another laugh out of Castiel and he took a long swig of his beer. “The picture of modesty as usual.”

“Didn’t you miss it?”

You saw the light dance across his eyes and you felt you had crossed a line. How could you have put him on the spot like this, having to admit he did miss you which would complicate the two of you meeting. But if he denied it – a lie for sure – it would make him seem cold. You opened your mouth slightly to add something else but he surprised you.

“Course, Y/N. Always have.”

His words and friendly smirk put you at ease immediately. He had handled that with grace. God, did you miss him too. It would be awkward to say that now though without any prompting.

Instead, you pointed a thumb at the bar and asked, “Want a shot?”

“Always.”

You didn’t miss the annoyed look on Rachel’s face as the two of you stood up, readying to go up to the bar. Amanda was giving you your space, speaking to the group. She noted you leaving, smirking knowingly.

<> <> <>

Swoosh.

The ball flew by you, your bat missing it by a mile. Or so it seemed. You let out an annoyed noise, throwing the bat onto the ground and turning around furiously. You didn’t get far, Castiel was there to meet you, trying to console you.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Castiel stated, placing his hands on your shoulders, stopping you from your goal of storming off. “What’re you doing?”

“Let someone else hit! I suck!”

“You don’t suck. You’re just beginning.”

“So, I suck.”

“I guess if you want to equate it to that, then yeah, you suck. But doesn’t mean you can’t get better if you use better form.”

Rolling your eyes, you asked, “Do you really think form is going to help me? I’m hopeless.”

Castiel turned you around without saying anything. He walked you back to home base and picked up your bat for you. There were barely any people in or around the field. You were just practicing with his friends. It had been a stupid idea for you to try to learn how to hit as hard as him in the first place. Baseball was not your sport. Tennis was. And Castiel was going to use that as his example. “Think about it this way. How do you focus in tennis?”

Sighing annoyed, you answered reluctantly, “On the ball.”

“You do the same here. Trust me. It’s extremely similar. Come on, give it another shot. I’ll help you get in the right stance.”

Staring at him, you waited for him to back down. All you wanted to do was leave but the look on his face was so hopeful. He wanted you to enjoy the sport as much as him. It was something he loved and he wanted to share that with you. You couldn’t deny him. Mumbling, you responded, “Fine.”

There was a fleeting smirk on his face, knowing he had won you over. You took the bat from him and waited for him to direct you.

He turned you around, getting you up against the base. Castiel’s arms wrapped around you from behind and you smiled. “You gotta focus on the ball.”

Grinding yourself slightly back against his pelvis, you didn’t miss the sharp intake from him, as you whispered, “How can I with you holding me like this?”

You could almost feel him smile as he whispered back, “Maybe if you take my advice and improve, I’ll give you a treat. Until then, you gotta focus on the ball.”

Sighing dramatically, you turned your gaze towards Mickey, who was waiting to pitch, “Fine.”

Castiel let his hands fall and you stayed in the position he had situated you in, your eyes trained on the ball. Mickey prepared to throw the ball and you would be damned if you missed again. All you wanted was Castiel back on you.

The ball came towards you and you held your breath, drawing from your experience with tennis. You swung and the bat made contact, sending the ball flying. It even stayed in bounds and you watched it, an elated look on your face.

You barely registered Castiel shouting behind you, “Y/N! What are you waiting for?” He caught your attention and you shot him a quick look. He was exasperated, “RUN!”

Oh, right.

Taking off quickly, you ran towards first base and tried to outrun the ball coming towards Rick’s hands on first. Sliding, your foot hit the base and when the dust cleared, he had dropped the ball. You let out a bark of a laugh.

You heard pounding footsteps coming up towards you and Castiel was looming overhead.

“Christ, Y/N, I didn’t mean for you to go that hard for it!” Castiel exclaimed and you furrowed your brow confused. He was staring down at your thigh and you looked down, seeing blood. Oh. Noticing it made the throb in your thigh amplify as if your body was coming out of shock. You had slid wearing shorts and torn up your thigh.

“It’s not that bad,” you got out.

Castiel wasn’t listening, shoving Rick away and crouching down next to you. “You wanna grab some water?” he asked Rick who took off immediately. “Gotta wash it out.”

Pushing yourself up, you protested, “Cas, it’s not that bad.”

“You’re bleeding!”

“But I got first.”

Castiel stilled, staring at you. He looked in a mix of confusion and annoyance and you worried he was going to explode. But, he let out a snort and tore off his hat, rubbing his hair. “Sound like a real baseball player,” he commented.

You’d pleased him.

“Learned from the best,” you chirped.

Leaning forward, Castiel gave you a peck on the cheek. “Don’t be such a smartass, Y/N. But… yes, you got first. Congratulations.” You beamed, your chest on the brink of bursting. He looked proud and happy with you. “Just be more careful next time. I don’t need you bleeding out on me. What would I do without my number one fan?”

“Suffer for eternity,” you responded simply and he laughed, his eyes crinkling as Ricky came back up with the water to wash out your wound. You waited there while Castiel washed it off, being as gentle as he could. God, how you loved him.

<> <> <>

Bryce didn’t look surprised in the slightest to see the two of you approach the bar. If you didn’t know better, you would think he looked amused. He finished up giving drinks to a group before rushing over to the two of you.

“Two shots of Jim Beam.”

“Going hard still?” he teased you. To Castiel, he directed, “You sure you can keep up with her, Novak?”

Castiel smirked and stated, “I know I can.”

He knew that you and Bryce had had a thing before him and if he had a problem with it, he never let it show. He was friendly with everyone and tried to keep that going smoothly.

Looking satisfied with his answer, Bryce said, “Alright” before moving to pour you two the shots.

“I think you’re in for a long night,” you stated to Castiel.

Looking you over, Castiel simpered. “You challenging me?”

“When am I not?”

“Touché.” Castiel leaned in close and stated, “I accept your challenge.”

Your heart fluttered at his smile and the proximity of him. He was always playful and loved playing games with you. Sometimes you won, sometimes he won, and sometimes it was a draw. But, tonight, you didn’t know how it was going to turn out. You had hopes it would be positive and a draw.

Bryce placed the shots down on the counter and Castiel stated, “Put that on my tab.”

Opening your mouth to protest, Castiel cut you off by pushing your shot glass towards you and picking his up promptly. He waited for you to clink with him and you picked yours up, tapping his glass with your own.

“Cheers, Y/N.”

~~~

CASTIEL TAGS: @prince-halfblood, @splendidcas, @klaineaholic, @letsthedogpackandthecats, @alexastacio, @winchesterforever12 @seirensou @tacos-and-trenchcoats @the-amaranthine @greenappleeyes @waywardmoeyy @stori-teller @xxslytherinprincessxx @morbid-apricots @xxmizzlexx @cas-honeybee @musicalraven07 @findingfitnessforme  

[mrwilliamcharley]

WHIPPED CREAM Is On The Brink Of Greatness [INTERVIEW]

On the path to leaving behind a proud legacy, WHIPPED CREAM is on the brink of greatness. From being a competitive figure skater to becoming one of electronic music’s most brilliant producers, the journey of Caroline Cecil proved that you can amass to anything with a heart of gold. Initially blowing away listeners with her gritty and aggressive take on bass music, has now morphed into compelling pieces of music that allows her to seek artistic fulfillment. She’s rightfully earned all the accolades that come with the work, more recently, debuting at Ultra Music Festival. As she continues to reflect on where her music has landed her, we caught up with the DJ/producer to talk about all things music!

Run The Trap: What was your first experience with electronic music, as a fan?

WHIPPED CREAM: It was at this festival called Sasquatch that I went to about 7 years ago. That’s where I was introduced to it.

RTT: Who did you see over there? Who stood out to you?

WC: I saw Pretty Lights, Nero, and so many others.

RTT: You used to figure skate competitively. To go from that to producing music sounds like a very big, drastic change. Can you take us back to the day that you decided to produce music?

WC: I’ve always been really passionate about music. I think the reason why I skated was to express myself through music. I was never really technical, I was more artistic. So, once I had my injury on the ice and I had to stop skating, I still wanted to express myself through music. When I went to that festival, it kind of changed my life and I wanted to start creating music. Right after that festival was when I decided I wanted to try to learn how to make music. I liked DJing, and that’s when I started.

RTT: Your sound really brings such an energetic sensation you don’t really get from most music. Where does most of the inspiration from it come?

WC: Honestly, just nature and people, watching a good movie, other music. Really anything can spark an idea. I get really inspired, though, by movie soundtracks. Also urban music, like hip hop and rap.

RTT: You’ve shown time and time again that you can’t be kept in a box in terms of genres. With that being said, which tracks of yours are you the proudest of from a production standpoint?

WC: That’s a good question. I’m sitting on one that hasn’t been released yet. It’s called “Us,” and I think when that comes out it will touch a lot of people. It’s definitely one of my favorite songs that I have written. There are two records – “Ignorant,” which I’m very proud of, and there’s a record called “Love” that we put out a few months ago. Porter Robinson actually followed me because of this song; he was really intrigued by it. That was really cool.

RTT: Aside from electronic music, I know that you enjoy hip hop and R&B, and I feel like you’ve shown admiration for that in the breakdown of “Bad For Me.” If you could enlist R&B artists for a track, who would you go to?

WC: If I could pick any artist to work with right now, it would be Frank Ocean, Andre 3000, Kanye West, James Blake, A$AP Rocky, or Cardi B. I would love to go the R&B route too, like Majid Jordan, Drake, or Jorja Smith.

RTT: You just released “Time,” featuring DeathbyRomy. The track blends dark and aggressive basslines with a very intimate atmosphere. What are you trying to aim for with your newest projects?

WC: I wrote that song, and it wasn’t originally going to have a singer on it. But I felt like it needed something more to fill out the song, and I sent it to Romy and said, “yo, let’s try to write something really meaningful and impact as many people as possible. And she came back with these beautiful lyrics that gave me chills all over my body. I knew it was right. Honestly, I’m just trying to impact as many people as possible right now with my music, and that’s by taking risks and doing crossovers with vocalists and not having records that are just electronic. I really wanted to start doing the crossover with vocalists.

RTT: Is that one of your goals for 2019?

WC: Yeah, absolutely. I want to get music on the radio. I want to do the crossover and I want to make it cool, not corny.

RTT: That’s awesome, I feel like it’s going to be a big year for you. Starting today, have you had a moment to take a step back? You just made your debut for Ultra. How are you feeling?

WC: I’m feeling really, really blessed and lucky. I dreamt of doing this years ago, and I’m here now. It’s very surreal. I don’t have words for it.

RTT: You’re just on a high of emotions right now.

WC: Yeah! There are so many people that helped me get to this level, you know? It’s not just me. So, to the people that are reading this interview, I thank you guys for listening to my stuff and following me. You guys are a part of this just as much as I am. I love you guys. You’re the reason why I’m still here, you know, and why I’ll keep growing. It’s because of them.

RTT: What are some of the things that have surprised you about DJ’ing and the lifestyle that comes with it since it became your full-time job?

WC: I guess you don’t really think about all the traveling that you’re going to do and the late nights. You’re going to travel all day, and then you’re going to play your show, and then you’re going to wake up two hours later to go catch the next flight to the next show. And then you’re going to do it again. That’s not in the book. You don’t get told that that’s going to happen. But, even on my worst days, there’s nothing else I would rather do than this.

Something else that surprised me is how many people I actually can impact through a song or my shows. I think not just for me but for anyone out there that are reading this interview, no matter how small or big it is if you have a voice or you’re doing something you love you can try to impact other people, I think that you should try to use it. I’m no different than them. I come from a little town on an island. There were no other producers around. I just had this idea, no money, and I just worked really hard. – Whipped Cream

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WHIPPED CREAM

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'WHIPPED CREAM Is On The Brink Of Greatness [INTERVIEW]

The post WHIPPED CREAM Is On The Brink Of Greatness [INTERVIEW] appeared first on Run The Trap: The Best EDM, Hip Hop & Trap Music.

from Run The Trap: The Best EDM, Hip Hop & Trap Music http://bit.ly/2Iy1JeF

[topicprinter]

Hi everyone! We have just published an article on Failory written by Amir Rajan, in which he tells the story behind his mobile game, called “A Dark Room”, which hit #1 on the App Store and grossed over $800,000. Sit down and read his success story. I hope you enjoy it and if you have any questions, I will happily answer them below. Sit back. This is gonna be a long one. TL;DR:Did the whole "get a degree, get a job" thing. Ended up being incredibly well paid, but horribly empty because of corporate America. Decided to rage quit, downsize (sell pretty much everything I own), and take a sabbatical. After binge coding on random crap, I partnered with a guy in Canada and ported a web based, incremental, text based game to iOS (A Dark Room iOS). Welp. It went viral and hit the #1 spot. That let me extend my sabbatical for another three years. I built four more games, none of which succeeded. Now I'm back in Corporate America (luckily only part time now... I make enough off my games and other assets to not have to work all year). The Long Version: Frustration:There is such a heavy dose of luck in success. There are those that will give one thousand percent, and because the roll of the dice wasn't perfect, nothing materializes. They have as much love for the game development as I have... they've worked as hard as I have... but just didn't get a kiss from Lady Luck. And it sucks. It just isn't fair that they want to create more than their next breathe, but can't catch a good break to devote time to it. They have to look over at those that have the privaledge to take multiple rolls of the dice, eat their cake and have it too, and if everything still fails, they get bailed out by mommy and daddy.I was one of the lucky ones. I saved up for ten years, and was able to role once. I hit lucky number eleven. And even then, I still find myself having to grind in a 9 to 5 yet again. Sometimes it's fine. Other times I feel like I should have never taken that sabbatical and remained ignorant of the pure joy that comes from putting yourself in a creation. Before Sabbatical:I did what you were supposed to do. Did well (really well) in school. Went to college. Got a degree in Software Engineering and Computer Science. Did internships and landed a job as a developer for an insurance company right out of college. I did that for three years (two years of internships, one year as a full time employee). I then went to work for a company that build veterinary software. Did that for a couple of years. I really really loved coding. Lived and breathed it. I interviewed at a prestigious consulting company and got in on the ground floor. Spent three years there only to be scooped up by another consulting powerhouse. So here I am with a disgusting $140,000 in total compensation. A sea of cubicals, souless sheep that want nothing more than to do their time and go home. I didn't belong cause I actually cared about my craft. I tried to compensate for my unfulfilling corporate work with open source development after hours. This put a toll on my familial relationships (spending 45 hours a week working, then trying to get another 30 hours on nights and weekends, doesn't leave much time for anything else). I was at the brink of collapse. Lose my sanity, my wife, or my job. I decided to get rid of the job. I liquidated my 401k savings (took all the tax penalties up front), and said "alright, gonna live off of this for as long as I can until I figure something out". During Sabbatical:It was great to breathe. I was 178 pounds at 5'8 (a little portly). That changed during the sabbatical. It took me three months just to figure out what my routine looked like. I'd code on whatever my heart desired. It was wonderful. I didn't even know what day it was. I didn't miss my stuff. I didn't miss the anxiety attacks I got Sunday nights before having to go to work. All of that gone. By month four I came across the web based version of A Dark Room. I immediately connected with its sparse presentation. I reached out the Michael and asked his permission to port it to mobile. That night I lost track of time. I blinked and it was 3am. I had never felt that kind of loss of time before. Nothing around me existed, it was just me and my creation. After another four months, A Dark Room was done and released to the App Store. It got a whopping thirty downloads the first day. I didn't care. Cause it was my creation and it was awesome. I redesigned so much of the original game. So much of me went into it. Oh and I dropped 30 pounds too. Best shape of my life.I still remember one of my happiest days. It was early January. I was working on a stupid little multiplayer fighting game written in JavaScript and Pixi.js. I didn't care that ADR was barely getting 10 downloads a day, I didn't care that my savings was dwindling away. I found what I was supposed to do (build digital, evocative experiences). Savings Dwindling:The party was over at this point. My savings was dwindling down. A Dark Room was making its meager two thousand downloads a month (after Apple's cut, taxes, and splits, that's not a lot of take home). I started interviewing again for a job. I was better mentally, physically. And I never want my wife's quality of live to suffer (she was still in college at the time). Being the main bread winner of the home, I knew I had to suck it up and go back to work. I wasn't okay with it, but I knew it was my responsibility. I was interviewing again for those big salaries. I would save as much as possible given my now humble lifestyle. After I had enough cash tucked away, I'd quit and try again. Then. A Dark Room went viral. Out of nowhere it made $800 in one day. Then it made $1,200 in one day. Then it made $5,000. Then it made $8,000. Then it hit the #1 spot and I woke up to a $20,000 sales report. A Dark Room at #1:A Dark Room stayed at the number one spot. I was elated the first day. I was on cloud nine the second day. Then reality reared its ugly face with a sobering message: "this will come to an end."So I waited for it to come to an end. I didn't sleep for 18 days. My life: was hitting the refresh button on the App Store, seeing if I had fallen. I'd do it every 3 hours on the hour, day or night. I did it for eighteen days. I read every review that came through. I'd refresh the page again and see if I had dropped. This was my life. I was waiting for all this success to end. 250,000 downloads later, A Dark Room finally fell from the #1 spot. It was over. From there sales dwindled. After another four months, I was down to 100 downloads a day. I had recouped what I had "spent" taking the sabbatical (and then some). My wife was tired of living in a cramped one bedroom apartment. So, we put a huge down payment on a house. After A Dark Room Fell:I built a prequel to A Dark Room called The Ensign. It did okay (nowhere near as successful.. but not bad... this was around the time I did my interview with Indie Hackers). I wrote a book about Surviving the App Store too. I put my heart and soul into a game inspired by Edwin Abbot's "Flatland: Romance of Many Dimensions" called A Noble Circle. I created a digital Go board after binge watching Hikaru no Go. I built a touched based mobile RTS called Mildly Interesting RTS (MIRTS for short). Every game had "me" in it. I didn't do ads, I didn't do micro-transactions, scummy energy bars, and all those other bullshit monetization tactics. I ported A Dark Room to Android (which was almost not worth it). I did everything to keep building games. I wrote about all of my journey, presented, did podcasts, hoping to inspire others. And yet revenue kept dwindling. The writing was on the wall. Everything I did after ADR wasn't enough. And I got a job. Now:So here I am. Updating all my games to work well on iPhone X. Because I love them. I try to build what I can in my free time. But I'm back in Corporate America (it's been ten months so far). Two months in, everything became too real. My journey as a game dev was really over. I got so frustrated. I purged everything online. Took the book down, deleted all of my Reddit entries, my developer logs, my open source games. I removed all of it. All the content I created felt like a lie. Cause even with all this "success", I couldn't keep my dream going. I felt so much worse off because I got a taste of a fulfilling life that I wish I had been ignorant to. It has been eight months since "The Purge". I'm much better now. Mostly invisible outside of already established relationships. I stream occasionally on Twitch, keep my games maintained, and work on new ones as time allows.I no longer deal with anxiety attacks Sunday nights at the thought of "clocking in" Monday morning. I'm at peace with it. The people I once called sheep, aren't that. They just didn't have the means to roll the dice. All code I see is beautiful in its own way. It tells a story of the resonable programmers put in unresonable situations. Again, I'm one of the lucky ones. Because maybe in another year, I'll have enough play money saved up to role the dice again. ‍Silver Lining:My games provide a stable passive income (and I have a decade worth of an emergency funds in the bank). A Dark Room recently hit the #2 spot overall on Google Play (pro tip: stick to iOS, the revenue is almost an order of magnitude better). More importantly, I've very recently acquired the platform that helped me create my labors of love: RubyMotion. So between my games, subscription revenue, and my well paying contract gigs, I do alright for myself. Thank you Lady Luck. And my sincerest, deepest apologies for the 99.9999% that will never see the "failure" I've seen. I really do empathize with you. And I wish I had a better story. ‍Numbers?I'm sure some of you are asking about numbers. Do you remember the title of this post? Do you remember what I said about the 99.9999% failure rate? Do your remember what I said about privaledge, and eating your cake and having it too? What's the point of talking about the numbers I'm making now? So you can dream about one day making these numbers too? You wont. Start with that and work from there.But if you really want numbers, here are some of the numeric sacrifices I made to role the dice once:Have a 4.0 GPA through High School.Graduate #36 out of a class of 800+.Go to a community college cause it's cheap.Work two jobs in the summer to pay for college and save up.Go to university in 2001 when it was still possible to pay out of pocket and graduate without crippling debt.Get a degree in something that is valued. Even better if you actually like what you got a degree in.Land a job right out of school that makes you $55k a year.Live off of $15k a year. Don't buy a house. Don't buy a fancy car. Just save.Do this for a year.Land a job that makes you $100k a year. Save the rest. Max out your 401k contribution.Celebrate by living off of $30k a year.Do this for three years.Land a job that makes you $140k a year. Save the rest. Max out your 401k contribution. Get a Roth, put $5k a year into that.Celebrate by living off of $60k a year.Do this for three years.Don't have kids. Don't get sick. Don't have any catastrophic events that leave you bankrupt. Probably best to just not leave the house.Quit your job. Sell everything. Liquidate your 401k. Pay all the tax penaties.Live without insurance cause COBRA costs $2000 a month. Still Don't have kids. Don't get sick. Don't have any catastrophic events that leave you bankrupt.Now you can take a year and a half off and roll the dice once. Now you can read all the success stories online and dream that you'll get that too.But you probably wont. And that's okay. ‍Original article posted at https://failory.com/battle-scars