#I’d waited in the theatre for about 10 mins

[crusheswhimsandfancies]

Amazing night😭😭😭

I love him so much

[tutuandscoot]

Hellooooo love, haven't heard from you in a few days, how are you? How is recovery life treating you? ❤️‍🩹 Which vm hug did help you most with feeling better? 😁

Helloooo right back to you lovely

Again thank you so much guys for checking in it means the world 💙

Sorry I’m a few days late on answering this but I’m finally doing it now.

So last Friday I had my second surgery. They came and woke me up at 6am. I had a pretty good nights sleep and probably the least amount of pain I’d had so far. I had to wait in my room in a dodgy hospital gown for about an hour which was super awkward but eventually they came and got me ready. I met the anaesthetist (it was a different one to the first time) and they took me to the waiting bay in the op theatre. The nurses that came to see me (anaesthetist nurses) both times were so lovely. The first surgery I was really nervous and I think they could tell so were super comforting but for this second surgery I wasn’t nervous at all. I was making conversation with everyone which is weird for me coz I tend to be very quiet around new people (I’m a bit anti social). I heard them keep saying that the surgeon wasn’t ready or there yet.. I made some joke to one of the anaesthetic nurses ‘so who wants to have a go with the knife if he doesn’t turn up’.. they thought that was funny. They asked if I wanted to go into the op theatre even tho they weren’t gonna start right away and I said yeh that was fine- they said some people can freak out being awake and alert on the table with everything going on- but since I had just been there a week ago I actually thought it would be cool so see everything going on while still pretty conscious (I may be a freak who knows)..

There weren’t any complications with this second surgery. It took about 5 hours- most of it I was on my side then they flipped me on my tummy to do an anchor screw. So I have 2x 5cm diagonal stitches on my left side. There is a strong tether rope screwed into my L1 and L4 vertebrae that is pulling my curve upright.

(The two white tapes are where the scars are and there is an anchor screw at the base of my spine)

I woke up in recovery this time and just remember feeling super positive. Then they took me to icu and when my mum came in I shouted out “WASSUP” (I was very high) the next few hours I was apparently talking about random af things, I was super fascinated with the nurse bell which was like a light up squishy orb button. Mum said I baciaclly just spoke in one sentence for 3 hours straight. The head of ICU at one point was handing off to my nurse for the night and he said “this is April. She’s very high and very happy” 🤣🫣 I swear I wasn’t that high and I knew what was going on but… idk.. I think my mum took footage of it. Eventually I crashed and my mum left for the night and I just remember repeating ‘I love you mummy’ about 20 times till she finally left 🤦‍♀️

That was the fun bit but in the middle of the night I woke up and was certain I was having a seizure. I had this horrible pain in my rib and it soon started spasming and causing the whole left side of my body to contract and seizure. The nurses kept saying to get me heat packs but I said it feels like I was being electrocuted. There was all these wire sensors stuck to me and there was one right where the pain was starting so I kept trying to rip it off. This lasted like 10 mins straight and I swear I thought my heart was gonna stop beating. I had like 10 people all around me, they went and got the doctor and then a portable X-ray machine. I think maybe they just thought I had woken up after not pressing my morphine button in a while, so anyway I think they injected me with a sedative drug coz eventually I calmed down once they brought in the X-ray machine. After that I just cried and cried. It was really scary and I didn’t know what was happening. Eventually I either fell asleep myself or the drug they gave me put me to sleep.

In the morning i asked what had happened and honestly I don’t think I ever got an answer. It obviously wasn’t anything serious tho. I’m gonna ask the surgeon when I see him for a follow up next week tho because there’s no way that was just ‘nothing’. The day was hard as are most post op days- Off the anaesthetic and having to press the button every 5 mins to keep the pain manageable. This day I had my favourite nurse. She was so lovely and stayed with me a lot of the day coz I was still so rattled by the previous nights episode. I think it made me so scared because of the complications with the first surgery, they said the second went well but then this happened.

I had a nap and when I woke up I was in so much pain I started panicing again. It was just that I hadn’t pressed the button in a while so my nurse came and coached me through breathing and managing the pain till I could administer more again. This surgery was far less invasive than the fusion surgery but caused a lot of pain in a different way. I was very swollen and bloated around my left side so I couldn’t sleep on that side and I also had a lot of stitch kind of pain. At some point this day I managed to go for a walk with the frame tho which they were very impressed with- less that 24 hours post op to be walking.

I think they were discussing whether to take me to the ward or not but I said that if I got a say in the matter I’d rather stay in icu given the incident the night before. I ended up staying in icu but hardly slept at all that night.

The next day I was walking on my own. Showered then later they moved me to the ward.

One of the effects of this surgery (part of which the surgeon warned me about) was pain in my left leg. But I was also getting a lot of pain in both my quads and hip flexors. Being an ex dancer, I’m very aware of my body and the cause and effects of muscles. They were hurting really badly I think because I couldn’t use any of my abs or back muscles to move around- especially sitting and standing. I had to constantly have heat packs on my hips just to take my mind off it coz the pain in that area was almost worse than my back.

That night in the ward was maybe my worst night of this whole thing. I was just in so much pain, I got maybe half an hour sleep. I was constantly ringing my buzzer for more drugs and hotter heat packs. One time at about 3 am I just burst into tears and said I wanted to rip my legs off coz off the nerve pain radiating down, i could also start to feel all the metal in my back.. it was just the worst night of my life (yes maybe worse than the seizure coz at least I slept after that).

Monday was just a really shit day. I didn’t move in bed at all, hardly ate. The physio came in at one point to see if I wanted to go for a walk and tell me I was doing great and I just didn’t even respond coz I clearly was not doing great. They came to get me for an x ray- they didn’t even bother asking if I want to go down in a wheelchair coz I looked so ill. They took me down in the bed and I think I was semi unconscious the whole time, except for the X-ray I jumped up to get it over and done with then got back in the bed and zoned out while they took me back up. That day was so bad that at one point mum asked if I wanted to just sit in the wheel chair and go to the cafe to get out of my room and we got to the elevators and I said nope I want to go back.

They (the nurses) in general had been super onto me about using my bowels coz I hadn’t in a while and I knew they wouldn’t let me out of hospital until that was sorted so Monday night I finally got that out of the way and once I didn’t have to worry about that I think in general I started to feel heaps better about everything.

Tuesday i started feeling a lot better. I got my new X-rays:

It doesn’t show up on the X-ray but there is a thick tether rope between those peg- shaped screws down the bottom on the right (left side of my back- this is taken from the front). That pulled my bottom curve from about 90 degrees to maybe 35 (I don’t know the exact degree). So while my spine is definitely not straight, it is a HUGE improvement compared to what I use to have.

My nurses on tuesday said I might be able to get out of hospital in the next day or two which made me so excited coz it had been nearly 2 weeks, 2 surgeries, some big complications but I was so ready to get out. Tuesday was in comparison to the others a great day. I walked a lot and faster and easier than I had before, I did stairs and even got down into all my splits!!

(Pls excuse my bed hair and my chipmunk voice 🫠).

I asked the doctor about a release date and he said let’s aim for Thursday, so that just made me even more eager to improve so I could get out Wednesday.

I eventually crashed and had to get into bed at about 3 but I was still feeling good and was managing pain a lot better.

That night I slept so well! In a few 3 and 4 hour blocks and slept till 9 am! The nurse actually had to wake me up. I asked again about discharge and they said all my ops were looking good so as long as the doctor clears me I could go. He came in at about 10 and said I was free to go!!!!!

My mum had booked an air bnb across the street so she had been staying there and it was nice I had a big bed and, just homier sort of place to go to rather than a hotel. When I got back I had some lunch but then went and had a nap coz just packing up my hospital room was very exhausting. I had such a deep sleep when I woke up I randomly started crying. It was just very emotional and learning now how to walk and get around a sort of house was alot.

Thursday was a really good day- hardly any pain, sat up all morning watching tv, then went for a walk down the street. I have a walking stick just to help with balance but its also good just as kind of a signal to others that I’m a bit fragile at the moment- coz u wouldn’t know just looking at me.

Friday I spent most of the day in bed but was still feeling good.

Today (Saturday) we had to change accommodation, we’re now in a hotel for a week until (hopefully) the surgeon gives me the all good to fly next Saturday.

As for VM hugs…

So these ones have been my go-to help me breathe and stay calm (for this surgery they had to deflate my lungs so breathing exercises have been part of my rehab) but of course they also bring me a lot of happiness:

[craftypeaceturtle]

Distanced, part 2

Summary: How are these useless students coping with life?

Note: This is a group chat fic, my first one so this might not be that good! Also this contains swearing. Eventual intrulogical. 

Part 1 here!

.

MESSAGES: To Remus Prince (Presentation)

Friday, 13:02

Hello, sorry to interrupt, but I just want to ask where you gathering your sources? Are there any particular databases you’re using? Thank you.

Remus Prince: I’m just going through the read list.

The reading list? But that only has one text that could be anything remotely useful for this topic!

Remus Prince: ye but it’s a starting point

Remus Prince: like u can read it and then read whatever it references.

Are we allowed to do that?

Remus Prince: wha

Remus Prince: DUH! 

Surely that must count as plagiarism or something of the sort. You can’t use someone else’s sources.

Remus Prince: u sound so stupid

Remus Prince: u’ll read the book it references and form ur own interpretation.

Remus Prince: u’ll get different quotes

Remus Prince: u’ll be using it for a different argument

Remus Prince: why would u not be allowed to read texts!

MESSAGES: To Remus Prince (Presentation)

Friday, 14:13

Okay I emailed Dr Smith and he said it was fine. Thank you for the advice.

Remus Prince: OMG

Remus Prince: You actually told the teacher on me!

The teacher agreed with you? You’re not in trouble.

Remus Prince: THAT WAS MY SECRET!

Remus Prince: now the teachers actually think I’m capable

If it makes you feel better, I did not mention your name.

Remus Prince: you really had to double check?

Maybe I was being a little paranoid but I don’t think you understand the crisis I’m currently having. I typically spend hours running around the library and searching random titles to figure out suitable texts. When all this time I could have just been using the references! I am beyond furious and relieved at this new technique to research. 

Remus Prince: ah of course

Remus Prince: you totally came across that way in the 2 messages you sent

My world view has been fractured, I think that justifies not texting much. 

Remus Prince: why did you apologise

Excuse me?

Remus Prince: HAH

Remus Prince: now who sucks at reading!

Remus Prince: You said sorry in the first message.

I wasn’t sure if you were in a lecture or class. It’s polite.

Remus Prince: nah

Remus Prince: I’d answer even if I was.

That is not nearly as comforting as you are intending. How far along are you in your research?

Remus Prince: honestly?

Remus Prince: I’ve read five pages in on a book on the reading list. 

Remus Prince: I’ve done like nothing.

That’s indeed some amount of research. Again, as long as you are done by the 15th then whatever it takes.

Remus Prince: See you said no judgement but I picked up a lot of judgement

We have already agreed your reading comprehension is not the best.

Remus Prince: HAH

Remus Prince: so what are u up to?

Actually working on the research project.

Remus Prince: im bored

Remus Prince: I’ve been sitting waiting for my washing machine for like 9 hours 

Remus Prince: maybe later I will do work

I sincerely doubt it has been nine hours. How come you’re washing your clothes at such an awkward time?

Remus Prince: Awkward?

I can’t think of many students who would wash their clothes in the middle of the week day with classes. 

Remus Prince: every1 washes their stuff on the weekend

Remus Prince: plus everyone knows the weekend is for doing nothing. Might as well get all my jobs done now.

You really plan to do nothing during the weekend?

Remus Prince: hells ye

Remus Prince: maybe, at most, I’ll send Dee to campus coffee

As long as you’re done by the 2nd. Though I really should congratulate you on your superior taste to coffee shops.

Remus Prince: ?

If universal opinion existed, then Campus Coffee being the best coffee shop would be considered one. For whatever ridiculous reason, both Patton and Roman don’t really like it. 

Remus Prince: really

Remus Prince: I thought I saw Ro go in.

Roman occasionally practises lines with his other theatre colleagues and that is always where they meet up. But he never buys a drink as he is apparently a literal man child and cannot cope with a drink that isn’t just chocolate and milk.

Remus Prince: RIGHT??????

Remus Prince: my roomie V likes to pretend he takes coffee but he can only drink hot choc. 

Remus Prince: He doesn’t deserve coffee anyway

Exactly! Have you talked to Remy there?

Remus Prince: YE

Remus Prince: He practically forced me to be his friend with how incredible he makes coffee

Remus Prince: He’ll even add energy drink to mine!

Okay maybe that is a little strange. But I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment. He finally convinced me to leave my usual order of a white coffee and I have not regretted it. 

He doesn’t actually add energy drink to your coffee right?

Remus Prince: ye he does but don’t worry he bullies me for it

Remus Prince: The entire time I sit and drink it he’ll be holding up his phone with 911 dialed.

That seems fair.   

Remus Prince: without being so incredibly forward

Remus Prince: do you want me to grab you a coffee now

What do you mean?

Remus Prince: Well im bored

Remus Prince: and it’s your fault for talking coffee

Remus Prince: now I really want coffee

Remus Prince: I’m now heading that direction.

I’m sorry but I cannot meet up right now. I’m doing work and then I want to be prompt coming home to help my roommate.

Remus Prince: fair thought id offer

MESSAGES: To Remus Prince (Presentation)

Friday, 14:20

If you’re still willing, I am sitting in the library and I would truly appreciate it if you could drop off the coffee. 

I can pay.

Obviously this is up to you. 

Remus Prince: soz was walking

Remus Prince: ye I can do that

Sorry for not being able to sit around, but I do appreciate this. 

Remus Prince: ur fine

Remus Prince: what u want

Firstly, it is “you’re”. Secondly, without sounding like a cliche film character, just say my name. Remy makes an effort to give me a slightly different order every day to “widen my tastes”.

Remus Prince: wow

Wow?

Remus Prince: For the very epitome of the nerd stereotype, did you really hit me with that “just say my name and they’ll know” trope?

Please, I can be cool.

Remus Prince: Are you begging?

Remus Prince: Also

Remus Prince: what do you look like again?

I’m sorry?

Remus Prince: reading comprehension! Fairly simple question.

I am wearing a black polo shirt with a blue tie. Caucasian with shaved hair. 5′10. 

Remus Prince: how efficient.

May I ask why?

Remus?

Remus Prince: Soz I just got our orders. 

Remus Prince: I’m really bad at faces.

You could have simply asked where I would be. I’m on the second floor, computer room 209. There’s a few others here but I’ll wave once you walk in. 

Remus Prince: okay maybe that would’ve made more sense

Remus Prince: shutup.

I know I have stated this before, but we have indeed talked before. You will recognise me. 

Remus Prince: listen I’m not fucking around.

Remus Prince: I am genuinely shit at faces

Remus Prince: it was one question prick

I apologise. I didn’t realise. 

Remus Prince: Hey I’m here, now heading up. 

.

.

MESSAGES: To Padre!!

Friday, 16:00

Greetings wonderful Pat! Did you perhaps end up baking today like you said you would?

Padre!!: Heya Ro! Yeah, we made cupcakes! We didn’t fancy making icing but we did have choc chips!

AW YEAH! Just wanted to check so I know whether to buy cake. Anything I need to pick up while I’m here?

Padre!!: All good here. 

Padre!!: Logan saw Remus today.

hE DID????????

Padre!!: Yeah, he brought him coffee. Some special coffee, not his white coffee.

ASJKDGA

(also how on this great big boundiful earth do you know his usual coffee order?)

Padre!!: Because that’s what family does!

Why would he bring him coffee?

Padre!!: I have no idea. Logan didn’t really talk about it. 

He didn’t talk about it?!?!?!?!?!?!!?

Padre!!: I don’t know what to tell you. He got all quiet. He makes it sound like they don’t even like each other but he still brought him a coffee. 

EWEWEW

YOU DON’T THINK HE’S TRYING TO MAKE A MOVE

Padre!!: I don’t know. It sounds like it but Logan said they had a bit of a tiff in the texts.

... a tiff?

Padre!!: Like a small argument.

No I knew what it means, I meant it in a “omg you’re so adorable for describing a disagreement as a tiff”. 

Padre!!: I want to joke around Ro but I am a little worried about him. He acted fine after the coffee and he said they didn’t talk. It just seems like such a weird thing to do! I’m worried Remus would try and pull something. This sounds exactly like how all those stories you tell begins. 

Lo’s not an idiot. 

He’s a nerd. 

There’s no way he would fall into his trap. He’d let us know if something wasn’t right. 

Padre!!: Good point.

I’ll be home in like 5 mins. I’ll run.

Padre!!: You don’t have to Ro.

Padre!!: I’m just overreacting.

Padre!!: Ro?

Padre!!: You better make sure you’re still looking both ways even when running!

[rainwolfheart]

i've been playing lovelink for a few days and i have reviews

Adam/Dominic - total sweetheart. lil basic but I am absolutely spending gems on him. 9/10

Aesha/Samantha - I wanted to like her but I can't deal with the cringe. and mc being so oblivious to game culture. also I am not into the sexy videogame outfits thing. 3/10

Albert/Jonathan - no thanks I don't respect the troops. might match with Albert if I'm desperate to farm gems. 1/10

Alex/Calum - too forward, wish there were more "cool your jets bro" options like there are with Blake/Keanu. also just doesn't feel realistic. "couldn't afford canvas so I painted on myself"??? you can buy canvas at the dollar store, it's good paint that's expensive. try harder. 3/10

Alice/Eve - matched with Eve before I reset and I want her back. didn't get far enough to really get to know her tho. 7/10

Ana/Milena/Ruby - I'm not into the "born sexy yesterday and you're the only human she knows" thing. I think she's super sweet and interesting and I want to help her, but I want her to make real friends and do stuff without mc! the obsession makes me uncomfortable. 3/10

Angel/Emmalyn - super sweet but I want to have nuanced animal rights/veganism conversations with her every time 😬 5/10

Antoine/Noah - one of the only pairs who's never come up! I want to match with Noah and get dog pictures. 5/10

Austin/Damien - ehh could take it or leave it. probably gonna match with Austin to farm gems. maybe I'll be surprised. 2/10

Blake/Keanu - kinda enjoying it. I matched with Blake first with a more femme mc in mind and I was kinda creeped out, but after I reset I matched with Keanu with a more masc mc and I'm into it. he's cuter. wish his pics were actually covered in ink tho?? he's got a sleeve and like 2 big pieces, he's not even the character with the most lmao. 5/10

Charlie/Jake/Zayn - ngl Charlie was one of the reasons I reset. I had already matched with Zayn but I found out Charlie is probably trans and I couldn't not. honestly not super into the storyline, as a theatre major who is a terrible actor, but I can live with it. 6/10

Clementine/Grace - matched with Grace before I reset, gonna go for Clementine tho. Grace has too many "sexy nerd halloween costume" vibes for me. Clementine has the same name as my cat but at least she's less cringe. 4/10

Cpt. Muffin - BEST MATCH. BRING HIM BACK. 11/10.

Dahlia/Rose - I think Dahlia is the most like someone I'd date irl she's too fucking cute. I have spent gems on every single option so far. I am buying an engagement ring and all the snacks as we speak. 10/10.

Daniel/Ryan - matched with Daniel before I reset and probs will again. kept rolling my eyes at his story tho. you can't just breach your NDAs to a random person on a dating app!! 4/10

Didier/Mamoru - waiting patiently for Mamoru.... 5/10

Dr. Vile - I'm a lil disappointed he greyed out so early. I'm having fun with the story but not sold yet. 6/10

Eveline/Jade - had Eveline before I reset and I want her back!!!! possibly my fave after Dahlia and Adam. also the kind of person I'd be into irl. 9/10

Garrett/Rory - pls match with me Garrett. 8/10

Hazel - ??? 4/10

Hugo/Marco - unpopular opinion but I really really dislike him. he's constantly flirting with someone behind Sally's back, I'd call that cheating, and yet you can never be upfront with him. I choose the friendliest options every time and yet he persists. 1/10

Jaden/Skylar - everyone's obsessed with Skylar and I haven't found him yet. curious to see what the hype is about. 5/10

Jamie/Seth - I've heard so little about these two. curious but only vaguely. 5/10

Jasmin/Kayla - pleasantly surprised by how much I like her? I feel like both their profiles don't reflect how they are in conversations at all. wish she and mc weren't such dumbasses tho. 5/10

Julien/William - match with me pls Julien. 6/10

Liam/Min-Jae - matched with Min-Jae briefly before I reset and I'm curious about his story, not sold yet. I'm not into kpop so it's interesting for mc to also be an outsider. 5/10

Michael/Sam - you are a child!!! I don't want to match with them tbh. 1/10

Nicholas - I like the concept but because mc keeps worrying he's pranking them, he sometimes reminds me of those people who are really into historical rp to the point where they pretend to not understand modern life. that da Vinci pic is hilarious. I wish you had the option to talk about being queer in the 18th century with him!! 6/10

Nick - ??? 4/10

Oliver/Stefan - no. 1/10

Raphael/Wyatt - Wyatt looks too much like Shaggy for me 😂 curious to talk to Raphael tho. 4/10

Sage/Vitoria - big titty goth gf. love her. she's not a werewolf yet in my game but I am waiting respectfully. also wish mc wasn't such an asshole after she ditches the first date. 8/10

Sheng/Tomas - idk enough. curious. 4/10

Theo - so mad I missed them. come back. be queer with me. 7/10

Tiros - as long as you don't think too much about how centaur sex works he is so much fun. sexy constantly shirtless man lost on a beach trying to reclaim his honour. sign me up. 6/10

[lexerah]

I’m really trying to hold on. It’s really hard man.. I guess from the outside looking in it seems like my whole world got turned upside down because of a girl but she really was the major thing keeping me going cause I felt like she was the only person who understood me/wasn’t really judgemental of who I really am. My whole life I felt like I never fitted in so I turned to music, poetry, skateboarding, & basketball and that was my escape. Up until around age 12/13 I was pretty much mute. I didn’t talk much. And when I came home there was either no one home or if my parents were home I’d be verbally abused for being so “quiet/secluded in my room” or my mom and I would argue back and forth and it would end with her saying “I wish you got hit by a bus” or “I wish you would die”.. Hearing that often just killed my spirit most of the times. I would then stay in my room longer or even turn to cutting by using a metal hanger. All during that time I was battling my sexuality and the fear from my parents when they would say things like “gays should burn” or other homophobic slurs/speeches. I didn’t know what to do. I hated myself for being gay. I hated that “it had to happen to me”. There were several years where I wish I wasn’t born like this.. fast forward and more trauma just started piling on :( my dad didn’t make it to most of my basketball games because he worked 2 jobs and that hurt a lot because it was something I was really good at and I felt like my parents would be proud/I would be “good enough”.. my dad was then diagnosed with kidney failure during my senior year of hs.. it was scary for us all.. I didn’t want to lose my dad.. for most of my senior year my dad was in and out of the hospital for long periods and I remember one time breaking down in tears because he was in the icu and I thought he was going to die that week.. he wasn’t able to go to my hs graduation because he was in the hospital still so that was another blow. a few months after highschool my mom attempted suicide when I took my little sister on a walk.. we both came home and found her unresponsive on the floor with a suicide note. I had to calm my little sister down while making sure my mom was still alive and while calling 911.. then my dad walked in a few mins later and he started blaming me for what happened and yelling “what did I do!” fast forward to while my mom was in the hospital recovering and both my sisters and I didn’t feel like ourselves.. we didn’t want to do anything and we just kept crying and my dad starts yelling at us/verbally abusing us saying that we shouldn’t be crying and that we need to stop crying. It really sucked.. that feeling on top of everything was painful.. so again fast forward to about 1.5-2 years after hs and my mom decides to separate from my dad and wanted to live in another city and she asked me if I wanted to live with her or stay with my dad. All during this time we never had a good relationship and I thought it was a really good opportunity to build on the relationship with my mom.. then a month or two before we moved to the new city my mom lashed out all of her fears, anger & resentment towards my dad at me saying it’s all my fault and that’s when the panic attacks started. (I’m sorry for the choppy writing.. it’s really hard writing this but I know I need to get it out) I remember a week or so before we moved and all of our stuff was pretty much packed for the move and my mom wanted to see her old best friend one last time at the theatres and have burgers after and that’s when I had my first major panic attack. I was sitting in the theatre and I thought I was dying. It literally felt like a black hole cause I didn’t know what it was at the time. I thought I was having a heart attack so I just waited in the lobby until the movie was over cause I went back in 1 time for a few minutes and another one came. I ended up having 3 or 4 a week for a few months and then went to IOP for 2 months around 2014 and it helped a lot with talking out stuff/processing my thoughts.

But most importantly it helped me see that there were other people out there going through similar things and it made me not feel alone.. fast forward to a year later my dog passed away when we came to visit my dad since it was his turn to watch the dogs and it was also best for him because he was living alone back in our old city :( it was really hard taking my dog to the vet when he passed🥺 a few months after that I started to lose my hearing in one ear from an ear infection and that really brought me down cause I’m a music producer and I rely on my hearing to fine tune stuff.. all during this time while I was losing my hearing I was dating this girl who had cheated on me with several guys/past boyfriends and thats when I really started feeling like I was being kicked while I was down.. literally during the time I was crying about her but mostly why someone would do something like that and take me on a trip just to tell me they still have feelings for their ex/cry about them, my mom had punched feeling in my face for crying about her and told me to stop crying or pack my bags. That was probably one of the most traumatic things because I really felt like I had no one to talk to and I felt really alone. All while my bestfriend back in my old city promised to visit but never did :/ I had no one but my little sis who was my best friend and I’m super grateful she was born cause without her honestly I wouldn’t be here. I literally raised her for 2-3 years and took her everywhere to just escape everything at home. It was a blessing that I had money from music to do all those mini trips/food runs.. it was a huge blessing man. So fast forward to a year later around 2016/2017 my grandfather started having major strokes and was in and out of a hospice and later passed away towards the end of 2017. It was too much all while my mom and little sister had moved to a different state and my dad had a kidney transplant.. I was his caretaker and my older sister didn’t help :/ I literally was breaking down everyday because I was asking why is this all coming down on me :/

I’m literally crying right now because right around that time I met someone really incredible and it just hit me rn. She was the light at the end of the tunnel in a sense. Now that I look back at things, her coming into my life at that time saved me. And maybe writing this was the answer I was looking for as to why I saw her picture 10-15 years before I even met her during the time when all the pain started in my life. Meeting her/her come into my life might be the message that everything’s going to be okay. Man.. idek what to think rn. She really is an angel in a sense cause she saved me from myself and helped me see that I have the ability to heal.. and of course I wish things ended differently cause I still love her but that’s out of my control. I have to heal and move on but also forgive myself and forgive my past and most importantly allow myself to heal. I have to fall in love with myself and love me unconditionally. I want to be one of the greatest music producers ever and have an amazing wife, kids, and beautiful house but that can’t happen if I don’t heal and forgive.

If anyone read this up to this point you’re beyond special to me and I don’t know how to thank you but it means the world to me that you read my story. I don’t like sharing because it’s really painful and makes me feels extremely vulnerable so thank you so much🥺🤧 thank you🤧🙏 I love you🤟💕

[followingliz]

20 Tips to Surviving 20 Days of Quarantine

Today is our 20th day in Lockdown! Other than going shopping a few weeks ago we haven’t left the house in 20 days! A lot of my friends and family in the U.S. are just starting their quarantine adventure so I thought I’d put together some tips. 

Day 1: Don’t sit in one place- you can sit around all day but for your mental and physical well-being try not to sit in one place the whole time. Move to a new chair/couch/bed/floor/ side of the room every few hours. Our bodies were not meant to be completely sedentary.

Day 2: Make a meal plan: We’re trying to only go grocery shopping every 2.5-3 weeks. This can only be accomplished with a precise and detailed meal plan.

Day 3: Watch all things new & old: streaming services, online databases, and even theatres are available right now. Watch things you’ve never seen before (Knives Out, The Hundred-Foot Journey) or old favorites that are completely fluffy (Legally Blonde). If you’re in the states you can watch high-quality plays and musicals

Day 4: Learn your camera: learn all the features of whatever camera you have! It will help you capture the world when you’re allowed back outside. And lets you appreciate the small things around you. 

Day 5: Get dressed: pick a cute feel-good outfit or just change into comfy but more-structured clothes. Getting out of your pj's will do wonders for your overall mood and productivity. Trust me.

Day 6: Connect: an amazing thing about this quarantine is connecting with people I haven’t talked to in ages. We live with the internet! Use it to your advantage and skype, zoom, facetime with your friends and family at least a few times a week. You still need human ‘contact’ even if it is through a screen. (note: the photo was taken before social distancing measures in the U.S.) 

Day 7: Make a schedule: It doesn’t have to be a detailed hour-by-hour schedule. But writing down things I want to accomplish each day does wonders for my productivity and my mood. A little bit of structure is always helpful.

Day 8: Read(or listen): Scribd and Audible both offers 30day free trials and Overdrive gives you access to your local library's digital collection ( you can even get a library card online!)

Day 9: Make your bed- even small things can help when your in the same space for days on end.

Day 10: Bookclub: My friend Lauren started a social distancing book club on FB for recommendations and to talk about what we’ve read. It’s a great way to connect and decide what you’re reading next!  (I’ve just finished The Seven Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle and listening to an Agatha Christie collection. Now starting on House of Leaves.)

Day 11: Get fresh air: Remember you are basically a houseplant with more complicated emotions. You need water, sunlight and fresh air. If you have a terrace, balcony or backyard: cherish it and utilize it as often as possible. If you don’t have one- try to throw open your windows and sit in some sunlight for at least 30 min a day. It really really helps.

Day 12: Clean & Organize: deep clean and organize your home! A clean space does wonders for your mood and, really, when else are you going to do it?

Day 13: Support Local Businesses  We know at this time they are hurting. Find out if your local bookstores, restaurants, grocery stores are delivering. If not leave a review! They're going to need all the publicity they can get when this is over. Go onto Tripadvisor, or Travelocity, or google or wherever and leave a review for all your favorite local spots.

Day 14: Keep Moving: even if the only exercise you got before quarantine was walking from your car to work every day you are still getting less exercise now. You don’t have to do intense exercise routines just try to do something. I figured out if I do 50 quick circuits of our apartment, I will have walked 1k. On days when I don’t feel like doing anything, I try to at least take 10 mins to ‘go for a walk’.

Day 15: Learn a new language as ever I’m trying to improve my Italian. It’s going slowly but at least I have the hours to spend on it.

Day 16: Limit your news: It’s easy to get overwhelmed and anxious especially with all the misguided news stories out there. We’ve been limiting our news to about an hour at the same time every evening. We check only trusted and scientific sources and have a quick glance at the headlines to keep an idea of what’s going on in the world. But keeping the news to a minimum makes our apartment more stress-free.

Day 17: Make new games: Tired of playing all the board games in your house a billion times? Make new ones! We made Snakes & Ladders out of an old calendar. 

Day 18: Explore the world virtually: Google Arts & Culture and Youvisit have amazing virtual tours of famous locations all over the world! It makes you feel a little less trapped

Day 19: Be Silly: Do a silly dance, work on your application to the Ministry of Silly Walks, play connect the dots with freckles. Just remember to infuse some humor into your life

 Day 20: You don’t have to be productive: It’s easy to get caught up with the idea that you have to accomplish something with this quarantine time. Lots of people are coping by being creative and posting about their successes online. But it will go up and down. On days that you just feel like being a potato on the couch, remember that's totally ok. If all you do is survive this quarantine that’s enough. 

It comes down to trying to keep yourself and your space tidy, getting enough water & sun and being kind to yourself. We don’t know how long this will truly last but while we wait Stay home. Stay safe. Don’t panic. Wash your hands. Be Kind. 

[cherokeesun]

In July 2013 I had a bad motorbike accident ( yes, I’m a biker) ... it happened in the Lake District which is In the north east of the UK... I had gone to visit my boyfriend for the weekend and didn’t really wanna ride back home to South Shields on the Sunday... the weather wasn’t great and there had been a fatal accident on the road I was going to be on, so we decided to go see a bike show for a few hours until the toad cleared. It rained, then the sun came out, then it rained again, same old pattern all morning. At the bike show, I saw my ex: the one I had fallen madly in love with at a rally about a year before, whom, for different reasons ( will I ever find out the truth????) I’d only met up with once after that famous rally. That was actually Ben Hur, my favorite.... so you may think: wtf? Only seen twice ? Bf? U nuts? Yeah.... as I said I was besotted.... we used to be on the phone for hours on end, we had plans, but some people just didn’t want us together... am pretty sure we’d have been a hurricane together lol Anyway, back to that day of the accident.... so 3 of us ( my then bf and his mate) show up at that rally hosted by an MC and my eyes pop out as I see HIM..... OMG... pretend not to c him.... don’t risk trouble... don’t risk your heart getting broke again.... too late... it’s broken already.... We manage to look at the bikes displayed and have some lunch ( of course I said nothing) and then it was time to ride off again.... I get on my bike and wait for the other 2 to come... I see HIM approaching me, wanting contact, I bend over pretending to check something-not a fucking clue what- on my bike, I avoid his eye contact, pretend pretend pretend..... my then bf arrives and I tell him my ex is there n to pls give me a kiss or something... He does, and we leave...We we’re riding 35-40mph as going through villages and at some point after about 10 min. a car stops to turn right, the mate overtakes it from the left, I brake and bike skids, I get it under control but have to break again and at that point I’m doing only about 10mph? I skid, control, make eye contact with car driver as in : don’t move coz I gotta overtake fm the right.... it’s slow motion... it’s all happening in time lapse... it’s only a split second .... I crash into rear right end of the car.....I wake up on my back and see this guy hovering over me with glacial beautiful blue eyes telling me I’m gonna be OK and that he’s a doctor.... my only worry: is witchy bike OK?? Then a woman appears calming me down.... I find out a copper on vacation....I feel no pain... I just want my bike to be safe! then I end up in hospital in Carlisle... paramedics had arrived quickly on the scene and had given me blessed morphine. I was flying high as a kite! But I did remember to phone the pharmacy where I was supervisor that I wasn’t able to come to work.... ugh... that pharmacy....that company.... I felt happier flying high with a broken leg.... I then find out it wasn’t just the leg, but also my right shoulder.... After about 4 days of waiting for my metal implants to arrive, and 4 hours in the theatre, they tell me I also had multi fractures in the knee besides the tibia and fibula . They then put me on another ward and that’s where my hell started. But that’s another story lol The reason I’m telling you this is coz I went swimming yesterday! Yey! After so many years, I managed to motivate myself, ignore the pain and go for it! Only did 4 lengths mind! And excercized in the pool! And it felt like I had huge lead balls around my leg with someone continuously pinching me hard.... but.... I kept motivating myself by loooking at the jacuzzi lol and then .... a nice treat at a restaurant : veggie burger, sweet potatoes and a pint of Guinness!!!! All in all: a great day!!!!

[lady-olive-oil]

So Into You: Prologue

Note: AHHHHHHH it’s here! It’s finally here! The prologue for my first ever Chris Evans x Poc OC series! If you’d like to added to the Tag Squad, let me know. Without further ado, let’s take a journey through the friendship of Chris and Roxie and let’s see where it takes them.

Warnings: Slight spoiler for Endgame (If you haven’t seen it, then oops)

Word Count: 2.3k [this is only the beginning]

Choxie Squad: @themyscxiras || @honeychicana || @maddiestundentwritergaines @crushed-pink-petals || @dc41896 || @swirlevans || @areubeingserved || @stillevansbae

_____________

“Roxanne Alexander!” A voice called from the back of me.

“Yes?” Going over my notes for the interview with Jimmy Fallon, in my hands, I was nervous. Normally wasn’t nervous for my interviews, but that one meant big moments to come.

“You’re I’m in 15.” The producer, Katie Hockmeyer, smiled gingerly in my direction.

With a gentle nod, I practiced my breathing. Being an actress has always been a dream of mine. Only been in the game for a few years, 10 tops, I had a lot riding on these interviews.

I was recently in Avengers Infinity War and Endgame, as a fellow Dora Milaje. It was a fun job to have and soon, I’m gonna be in a new film which I can’t wait to start filming.

Hearing the theme song go off, I closed my eyes and let my feet do the walking as I got into position. This was going to be the interview of all interviews. To shoot my career even further, and make me a better actor.

Hearing my name being called by Jimmy, I got up on the stairs and walked on to the stage. The crowd was alive and well, to welcoming and warming. I felt at home.

“Roxanne Alexander. It is such a pleasure to finally have you on my show.”

“Jimmy, the feeling is mutual. Out of all the interviews I’ve had, or will have, I’m sure this one will be my favorite.”

The audience was eating this up so much. The conversation kept going; the energy was live and the vibes were right. Talking about my family; my pets, my friends, I’ve kept along the way and so much more.

Jimmy‘s smile lit up. “Ok! So I know everyone is dying to know about your endeavors. How did you get to where you are now? How did you career start?”

“It all started when I graduated from Lincoln-Sudbury Regional High School, class of ‘99. Boston gal born and raised. I did a few plays in school, I didn’t go to college until I was 21. Had what most would call a “Grace period” and went to Howard.”

“Howard? Nice! I know a few grey actors that went there.” He nodded in my direction to continue.

Explaining my journey always made me tear up a bit. I went through so much with trying to find myself; prove myself and just go on this journey of self discovery.

“After I graduated college in 2007, I went on another few years off; seven to be exact. I had my bachelors degree in theatre arts and a minor in business management.”

“Booked and busy. You go girl.” I couldn’t help but chuckle at Jimmy’s remake and high fived him.

I shrugged with a smile. “Have to be. I started a business venture called Cairo and The Nile, which is a skin and hair care line for natural hair. I’ve done a few movies, and a series, back when I graduated from Howard. I was also a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader for 2 years, from 2014 to 2016. That’s when I went back to school for business in Dallas.”

“I went to school while a dancer, with an acting background. Within the last five years I’ve done a few movies as well, which I know you’ve all seen.”

“Of course! Just to name a few Gods of Egypt, Pacific Rim 2: Uprising, Venom, Black Panther, Avengers Infinity War as a Dora Milaje and Avengers Endgame.  Along with some before those: Color Me Crazy, Meet at Midnight, The Get Down, Cards on Deck and Dear White People.” He nodded with a smile, while the audience cheered with enthusiasm.

“So, inquiring minds want to know: how did you get to be apart of Marvel first 10 years? And what can you tell us about Endgame?”

Smiling from ear to ear, I sighed happily. “Well like any other actor I sent in my audition tape and it went very well from there. But yet, I got a little push from a good friend of mine who just so happens to be in the films as well. So it worked out for us both.”

“As for Endgame, all of us don’t know. We all don’t rehearse together. All we do is come in; read what they give us, do the scenes and go home. With breaks in between. Because Holland and Ruffalo can’t keep their mouths shut. So the Dora Milaje and I including Okoye, I love you Danai! Know nothing.” With a gut busting chuckle, I felt tears spilling over my eyes.

“Dang, well I tried.” With a shrug, we both laughed.

“Good friend you say? Who is this good friend?” Jimmy leaned in close over his desk, arching a brow.

“Well he’s been my best friend since we were kids. We met at age 4; our mothers are best friends from college. The bond between our families is tighter than ever and just full of love.”

He tapped his chin in curiosity “Tight bond; Boston kids, mothers are still college best friends?”

“Mhm. Tight like glue on a lace front, as I’d put it and I’d get a weird expression from him.” Laughing a bit at the memory in my head. The audience seemed to like it too, so I got more comfortable.

“I got nothing. You gotta give us some clues or just tell us. We’re dying to know.”

“Now jimmy, where’s the fun in telling you? But I do have a little story to the day I became a DCC.” Smirking a little, I winked at the camera.

He pretended to be hurt, with a gasp “Ouch, Roxanne. I am hurt.”

“Do you wanna know how upset my best friend was when I told him, I was a DCC? I’m sure you’ll guess who he is. It leads up to us both starring, in an up an upcoming film, called Married at First Sight. Y’all should go see it.” Shameless plug.

“I’ll give it a shot, I have so many people in mind. How upset was he?”

“He’s a true Patriots fan. Like hardcore, and when I told him I made the cheer team he was filming another film. He didn’t talk to me for 2 weeks.” The audience gasped, causing me to shrug and chuckle. That day I told Chris was hilarious cause that following day, we went to lunch and then it started.

“Two weeks, two solid weeks. I can’t go that long without talking to my wife. I bet it was hard.”

I nodded a bit. “It was hard cause we talk everyday.”

“Childhood friend. Boston born and raised. Hardcore Pats fan.” He gathered all the info he had.

“Mhm.” I couldn’t help but grin like the Cheshire cat.

“Oh!! Roxanne, is your best friend is Chris Evans!”

“Ding ding!”

His facial expression was priceless, the audience loved it even more. This is the first interview I’ve had someone ask about my best friend and how we’ve stayed so close this long. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for Chris, and vice versa.

Jimmy let out a cheerful exclamation. “That is amazing. 30 plus years of friendship and you’re still tighter than ever. Any nicknames?”

“Never better. We have our moments, but we come back every time. With our characters in Marvel it’s been a nickname I’ve had since we met, which I’m auditioning for one actually. He calls me Ororo Munroe, who is the badass Storm from X-Men, and Of course call him Steve Rogers. Never saw one without the other.” The thought of us breaking up our friendship hurt more than anything. We go to each other for everything and sometimes, I can’t tell him everything. Like the crush I have had on him since we were young.

“Munroe and Rogers. I like it, cause like another detective show. Can’t wait for the new movie to come out, will be on the lookout for the trailers. Anything you wanna say to the audience or your best friend?”

“Of course.” Turning towards the camera I smiled gently. “If you’re watching this like I told you to, then you’re already on the right track. Most of the time you don’t ‘wike it’ when I tell you to do things. Oh well! That’s what best friends are for right? I’ll see you soon, Evans!”

“Roxanne Alexander, ladies and gentleman! Thank you for coming. We’ll be right back after this break!” Shaking his hand, I waved the audience as the music sounded to the commercial.

The director yelled out to us all. “And we’re clear! 10 min everybody.”

Heading back to my little room noticing that my phone was blowing up with Instagram; Snapchat and Twitter. So much love from the fans and even a text from Chris.

“Oh shit. What did he say.”

Chris: Saw the interview today! You did amazing as always Rox, and great job plugging the movie too. Gotta get all the exposure out there.

Heartfelt. So far so good. I wonder if he’s free today.

Me: thank you bud! Means a lot to me to hear you say that.

Chris: any time. Say wanna catch up sometime this week? Sight see in LA?

Chilling with my best friend, or with the family? I’m always with my family or my other friends, and so now I think it’s best to chill with Chris. Which I never do outside of rehearsal.

Me: I’m free today and a few days this week actually. Aside from rehearsals and more interviews.

The drive to my LA apartment was a breeze. Normally it’s be hell in traffic but not this time around. Upon making it home, I saw the Boston boy in all his glory, in front of my driveway. Sending a goofy face my way, he moved to the left a bit.

I couldn’t help but chuckle at the goofy string bean, parking the car in the garage. “You just can’t help yourself huh? You love being in my way.”

“What can I say? I love messing with you Munroe.” Showing off his cheesy grin, he welcomed me with a hug. It was as if he lived there and was happy to see me home. If only it was real.

“Ha ha, very funny Rogers. So where’s my son, can’t have ya home without- Dodger! There’s my boy!”

Giving the beagle some love, along with receiving them, I managed to hug him as well.

A pouty Chris emerges. “Why don’t I get a hug like that?”

“You on top of me, would cause a lot of controversy and issues my dude.” Arching a brow at him, we headed inside and for comfy.

He mumbled under his breath. “You sure about that?”

“You say something?”

“Nah. Just uh, so wanna do Disneyland tomorrow? I hear Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge is open”

“Yeah we can do that. Oh and Lune is in her room, which Dodger found easily.”

Glancing at the two dogs in the little space under the staircase, we both smiled happily.

Clapping my hands together, I gave the Boston boy a look. “Happy dogs. Alright Evans, couch or bed?”

“Bed. The Mummy with Brendan Fraser, or Tom-”

“Fraser, no contest. Matching pjs, or just underwear?” We tend to finish each other’s sentences and it never gets old.

“Matching. This time, my old title.”

“Old title? What do you mean? Chris no way…”

“You don’t know?!” His face was hysterical. He got dressed in my walk in closet, as I changed in the bathroom. After a quick shower of course. Heading downstairs to make popcorn, I had to pull myself together.

“No! They didn’t tell the Dora’s nothing. Danai couldn’t tell me shit! Let me guess, Sam gets it?”

The look on his face as he saw me in my Captain America leggings and matching tank top, was blissful. I’ve never seen that look before. He looks damn good in his sweatpants too, along with being shirtless at that.

Snapping out of his trance, he nodded eagerly upon flopping on my king sized bed.

“Yes he does, and it’s a beautiful send off to Steve. You came into my trailer that one day when I was getting prospects done remember?”

Passing him the bowl of extra buttered popcorn, I slid next to him and grabbed the remote to program Netflix.

“Yeah. That’s what it’s for? Now I’m intrigued. Need a date for premier?” Finding the movie, I paused it for a second, pulling my curly hair into a high puff. I caught him staring at me.

“Why yes. Yes I do actually, would you like to go with me?”

“Why are you staring at me like that? Besides, I’d be insulted if you didn’t ask, I was going anyway.” With a shrug I played the movie and grabbed a handful of popcorn.

“I can’t look at my best friend without their being an ulterior motive? Don’t hog all the corn now.” Snatching the bowl from me, he got some on the bed.

“Nope! What would your girlfriend think? You’re cleaning that up, slov.” Throwing some at him, made it worse, seeing as though it caused a popcorn fight.

“Why bring her up? You two need to have a sit down, and chat. I can’t have the two most important women in my life hating each other.” He threw it back at me and tackled me down.

“Your mother and I get along fine thank you.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Yeah yeah. I’m sorry. Let’s get back get back movie.”

“Oh, and I’m the slob? Says the one with candy wrappers on her dresser.” He pressed played on Netflix and cuddled me. Strictly platonic.

“My house; my room, my rules. Fine I’ll talk to her, you better catch her if she steps out of line.”

Hearing him stifle a laugh, he pinched my arm, which ricocheted into me thumping his head.

“Funny. Let’s watch the first 2, cause the China one made zero sense and the Scorpion King.

The marathon led to us both drifting to sleep, cuddled around each other.

Days like this never got old, and I hope they never change. Yet there’s always a few people who want to see you fall, and that person and I never got along when it came to Chris.

[alien-origins]

ok so I haven't been feeling that the arrangement/relationship was giving much bc it was a purely sexual thing and I was getting bored and low key disgusted.

and like when we met we both agreed for this to be no strings attached bc neither wanted a gf/bf. however I noticed like a year in he was catching feelings because he said "would you like to be exclusive?" and I asked what he meant and he said "that we only have sex with each other" and I said that I didn't know.

cut to like a few months later my sex drive goes down and I don't want to meet up bc it's just for sex and I tell him I'm not really wanting to do anything and he's like "oh but we can hang out still", but hanging out with him is literally sitting in his bed playing video games which isn't interesting or fun for me or watching a movie and have him dry hump me and tell me he wants me to which I get annoyed at because I EXPLICITLY said I didn't want to do anything.

and I also need to mention other things that annoyed me with him. every time in the morning I wanted to leave I always had to like come up with something like a "plan" so I had somewhere else to be and couldn't stay because dude I want to enjoy my weekend. and every time I was like "well o gotta go" and he said "it only takes 6 minutes to the train from here" but like I have smaller legs than you, want to have an extra 5 min in case and I HAVE ANXIETY which I've told him so I need extra time or I'll literally panic. so I almost missed the train several times because he would sometimes refuse to let me get up from bed and I was clearly annoyed at him like this isn't funny and idk why he thinks I'd want to miss my train bc then I'd have to wait 30 min for my bus.

time management. I'm the person that gets to class 20 min early. Gets up 2-3h before I need to leave the house and make sure I have n extra 20-30 min of I'm going to find a new place. this dude was more of a "few seconds before" type of person which gave me anxiety and just felt disrespectful of my time when HE decided time and then never managed to meet me in time. even if 90% of the time he just had to walk down to the lobby door of his apartment to get me on he'd be 10-15 min late.

however I think what was the breaking point for my tolerance was when we decided to watch captain marvel in theatres. I said I'd like to eat before and he was like "sounds good, the movie starts 21.30 so we can meet 20.35 and eat" and I'm like, weird time but okay. and I arrive 10 min early to the mall we're gonna eat at (where they also have the theatre) and I tell him I'm there. 20-30min later I get a text that says "I'll be a little late" and I'm like okaybim in the lobby. he comes through the doors 20 minutes before the movie starts and then is like "so what do you want to eat?" and I say "do we really have time for that" I'm annoyance and he's like sure we do and I'm like....sure....so we have Lebanese food but I can't eat quickly because of my anxiety and past ed so I eat half and put the rest of the shworma in my bag for later. then he wanted to go to another store to buy drinks with like 3 min left until it started. RIGHT OMG when we got there FORTY MINUTES LATE he wants to go say hi to a friend who works in a store there LIKE???!!???????

and onto kinks. he noticed me posting pics of kris wu sometimes going "omg daddy choke me😩😩" as we know I do, and he's like "you're into that?" and I'm like yea, thinking about choking. and then he asks about what I mean with daddy and I explain that's like "he's hot" it's a term used for hot men and he's like "you can call me daddy😏". and me, who only have like 5 names on my daddy list is laughing internally but I'm like whatever, sure.

next time I get to his house he asks me to call him daddy mid sex and I'm like ok??? and I do and there was nothing more to it. like 2-3 times later he goes full dd/lg and oh my gOd was it disturbing. he said stuff like "cum for daddy", "you have to keep quiet or your mom will hear" etc. and I said I didn't like talking during sex prior to this AAAAAND I TOLD HIM ABOUT MY VERY BAD RELATIONSHIP WITH MY DAD so this made me nauseous and I told him I didn't like talking like that during sex. i don't even remember his response but he did it like 2-3 more times before he stopped but like omg I felt so uncomfortable. he kept asking what kinks I had and I said I enjoy hair pulling, choking, being restrained and roughhoused but idk why he translated it into dd/lg.

I had told him vulnerable things about myself that he didn't understand like my anxiety, issues with my period pain, my relationship with my dad and some things about sugar babying. and he really thought he could fix all these things.

third thing. he sent me links to oils, meditation methods and other "natural" ways of getting rid of period pains. and I tell him thank you but if this worked I'd know already. and he's like "but it works for some" and I'm like I'm not saying it isn't, it's just the fact that I almost got immune to strong pain killers specifically made for cramps so rubbing some lavender oil on my vulva won't do shit boy.

fourth. I get that he was probably trying to be nice and give me compliments and I told him I was insecure about my tits because they're not that big. they're a size AA and A on food days I guess. but he said every time that my boobs had gotten bigger like, I'd have a F cup at this point if they actually were getting bigger and he noticed it every time. then however he started saying "your ass had gotten bigger" and it made me feel so selfcouncious. he KNEW about my ed and he KNEW I was still having issues with it so I don't understand why that comment was necessary???? I spiraled after hearing those comments and almost started dieting and skipping meals again because of those comments. and I know it's in and hot to have a big ass rn but o don't want one, love em on other people but I don't want one bc o feelnotd be disproportionate with my small chest and I already feel so uncomfortable sometimes with not being curvy and like it messes me up ......

and just being treated like a sex object in general. sure it was a sexual arrangement, but some respect please.....he would call me sexy even though I said I didn't like that comment bc I didn't see myself as sexy and didn't think it described me well (plus I look younger than I am so it makes me kind of uncomfortable). and saying only things about my body and how hot and sexy I am and it didn't make me feel good. ever. I don't think he ever complimented me on anything else but looks and it gets very boring after a while.

the end of it. as we know I'm in Korea rn studying and he knew this since months back and we hadn't talked since my bday in February and I avoided sc bc we almost only talked there but then I posted something and he replies around July/August and never stops writing even though I don't reply for 1-4 days. immature of me maybe but I was working a lot and didn't even think of replying bc it gave me anxiety to talk to him at this point.

then September. it's 1 month left until I leave and I have a LOT to fix before going and friends to say bye to. he says "can we meet this weekend" and I tell him I work weekends and I have other things to do almost every weekend up to when I leave and idk if I'll have time. he kept pushing again and again and I told him I didn't have time. then like a week left and he asks me to come over tonight and he knows I need to know these things I'm advance or I don't do it bc I'm not an impulsive person. and I tell him "honestly I don't think I will have the time to see you before I leave. I want to say bye to my close friends and my family" and he's like "wouldvevliked to see you one time before you leave though ://" butbi don't reply.

I talk to a few friends and they tell me to break it off but I only did it last week and BOY. I sent him a message on fb saying that I'm sorry but I don't think this kind of relationship works for me anymore, I'm not interested in it and won't be when I come back either probably and I say that I hope he understands. and he just replies "what kind of relationship is this?" and I say fwb at best. and he's like. .....well...I was hoping for more but I could sense you didn't want it.

LIKE!!!!!WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME SO WE BOTH DIDNT WASTE TIME OMG. LIKE HES AN ADULT. A FULL BLOWN ADULT. HES TURNING 30 NEXT YEAR.

but I tell him yea no I was never looking for that and we agreed on nothing more. and he's like "too bad liked your vibe" and I laughed out loud bc omg that's hilarious!!!! also fuck you. and I say sorry again and that I'm not looking for anything at all and he asks "why?" this dude has the audacity to ask WHY I don't want to suck his dick and I'm trying to be nice about it but I said "do I need more of an explanation than that I don't want to?" and he's like no, but hmu if you change your mind. he also said he wasn't looking for a normal relationship, he wanted something between fwb and a real relationship whatever that means and like ugh I'm so tired....

In conclusion I hate men and I removed him from sc and fb.

[prettywordsyouleft]

The Sex Contract - Chapter 21

Genre: friends to lovers au / friends with benefits / mature content / romance / angst

Characters: Shim Changmin x Kaia Ashton (OC)

A/N: Due to the overwhelming request I have followed your encouragement to bring back one of my older stories. This was back in a time where OCs were everything and writing one chapter in each main’s point of view was the trend. I hope that even though I have edited this drastically, that you can appreciate this story comes from my older style of writing. I definitely still read this often and find it enjoyable so I hope you will too.

Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 - FINAL

Chapter 21 – Changmin’s POV.

“Do I really have to?”

Changmin’s manager sighed heavily and placed both hands on Changmin’s shoulders. “Do you want me to lose my job? Of course, you have to.”

“But I’d rather cut my own hand off than spend another night with Kaori. I thought this was only a Japan thing.”

“Are you really that ignorant, kid? Of course, this was going to continue after the promotions, otherwise then the whole thing would look fake and enrage the fans more than you both hooking up.” The man looked at Changmin incredulously. “Seriously are you that naive?”

“Can I end it soon though?” Changmin begged, and the man waved him off. “Hyunggg!”

“Aegyo never has worked on me, Changmin.” He narrowed his eyes for a moment and then smiled. “And you’re just not a pretty little thing to keep me that entertained.”

“Unlike Kaia huh?” Yunho mentioned as he entered the room and Changmin gave his fellow member a filthy look. He was still enjoying Changmin’s pain too much.

The manager grinned. “Oh, she was the sweetest thing, always bringing me cups of coffee. A real cheerful girl she was. I even forgot she was foreign, she was that comfortable.” He turned his attention to Changmin and slapped his arm.

“Ow! Why is everyone hitting me lately?!”

“Just do your job, understand?” He left the room and Changmin looked over at Yunho now stretching to prepare for dance practice. He stalked across the room to the older man and Yunho paused his actions, standing back to his full height and giving Changmin an amused glance.

“Changmin?”

“Would you stop bringing her up? Every time I see Nayoung she’s always beating on me, don’t get him going too.”

“I was just stating a fact is all.” He casually slipped into a hamstring stretch. “Not my fault everyone’s blaming you for Kaia leaving, though it kind of is.”

“I’ve already told you that she’s the one who wants nothing to do with me!”

Yunho rolled his eyes. “Figured out why yet?”

“No, because I have to put up with irresponsible people like you trying to irritate me!”

“The irresponsible one is you for letting that silly agreement get out of control. I told you it would end like this.” Yunho chuckled. “You know Changmin; I love you as a brother, and know everything there is about you. It’s amusing that you can’t figure out what everyone else has.”

“Can’t you just tell me then?!” Changmin let out an angry huff of air and started stretching too.

Yunho shook his head and grinned. “Nope, that’s for you to uncover yourself.”

“Bastard!”

Changmin was beyond annoyed by the time he left work for the evening and headed across to the hotel Kaori was staying in to pick her up. His manager had insisted Changmin take his car, ensuring that he would be followed by reporters for high coverage. Changmin disliked the attention normally and being so outlandishly open about dating Kaori was really started to strike a nerve. He was sure that if this fake relationship didn’t end soon, he was going to slip up from all the anger it stacked within him. And he was already too frustrated with his personal life as it was to add anything further to the fire.

Driving up in front of the hotel, Changmin pulled out his phone and rung the Japanese model. She didn’t pick up immediately and he slammed his hand on the steering wheel, annoyed with how she had to take her time with everything. Finally, the call connected. “I’m sitting in front of the hotel, hurry up or I’m going without you.”

“Is that any way to speak to me Changmin?”

“I’ve had a really long day, and would rather go home and eat there. Does that indicate how much I want to talk to you right now?” Changmin sighed irritably.

“Testy,” she purred and giggled. “I feel tonight is going to be very interesting.”

“We’re going to the movies. That way your voice won’t get on my nerves for too long.”

“Oh, Changmin you really do know how to seduce a woman.” She giggled again. “I’ll be down in ten minutes.”

“Make it five or I’m leaving.” He ended the call and then switched on the radio, turning it up. A couple of valet boys glanced in his direction and Changmin shrugged. He was already bringing enough attention by just sitting here. Three songs went by and he decided that was more than enough time waiting for the demanding princess. A small smile crossed his lips at how mad Kaori would be if he drove off now. It was so tempting. He started the car up and glanced about the foyer, grinning childishly. It soon faded and was replaced with a scowl, the elegant woman walking in his direction.

“Changminnie!” She greeted as she got into the car, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek. He didn’t know why she bothered with continuing the act behind the tinted windows but he simply ignored it, driving out of the area immediately. “I didn’t even have my seatbelt on!”

“Be thankful I hadn’t driven off, I was about to.”

“Ooh, you are very sour tonight,” she observed and smiled to herself. “It shall be up to me to make this change! What movie are we going to see? There’s a really good Korean romantic comed-”

“An English one,” Changmin cut in, hoping that would annoy her. He glanced in her direction and smiled, noting she had folded her arms across her chest. “I’ve wanted to see it for some time now.”

“Ah, is your English any good? Whenever I watch English movies, I get a headache from trying to understand everything.”

Changmin smiled to himself in triumph. “Nothing like a challenge, right?”

“What are you up to Changmin?” she wondered at his mood change. Changmin turned to the woman and gave her a gracious smile. “You are being nice again.”

“I’m sorry; I guess I feel better in your company already.”

“Hah.”

“We’re here, come on, let’s put on a grand performance.” Changmin pulled the car into a park easily and cut the engine. Getting out, he rounded the vehicle and opened the door for the woman, who looked about her in confusion.

“This is the front entrance.”

“Of course, we’re just a normal couple on a date to the movies, right?” Changmin reminded, slinging his arm through hers and taking the girl towards the building. Crowds were already forming and when they were spotted, the noise of gasps started to fill the venue. Although normally it would irk Changmin, knowing that he was going to annoy Kaori with the movie choice had relieved him of any displeasure.

He was going to have fun tonight.

His plan faltered in the first fifteen minutes of the movie. Changmin was too busy trying to understand everything happening that he became incredibly frustrated. It was fast paced too and looking around himself, it annoyed him that everyone else appeared as if they understood the storyline. Even Kaori seemed interested enough to try keeping up.

Distracted, Changmin continued to look around the darkened theatre, wondering how he was going to get through another hour of this movie. Just as he looked back at the screen, his eyes caught a couple two rows down. He blinked and refocused, lurching forward in the chair a little. Blinking furiously this time, still they appeared in front of him and Changmin watched on in high interest.

The man wasn’t that much taller than the woman but there was still enough clearance for her to comfortably rest her head on his shoulder. Changmin’s eyes narrowed, watching as the Korean waited for his opportunity to sling his arm around the back of the chair. Just as he anticipated, the man moved it a moment later and the girl instantly snuggled into his side, her curls falling over his limb in the process. Changmin took in a sharp breath and leant closer towards Kaori so he could get a better look at Kaia on her date.

“Min?” she whispered and he had to put an arm around her to balance his new position. Kaori seemed to enjoy this though he was vaguely aware, too busy watching the couple. Halfway through the movie the man removed his arm and whispered into Kaia’s ear before getting up and darting for the exit. Without thinking, Changmin got up out of his seat with a brief mentioning of going to the bathroom and followed him out, heading to the restroom since the man wasn’t in the foyer. He soon found him and smiled as he approached the person he was looking for.

“I’m sorry, this might seem the wrong place but are you from CODE V?” Changmin asked as he moved over to him by the sink and Jaewon stopped washing his hands, his eyes widening in shock. “I’m sorry for frightening you, how funny is it having two idols here tonight!”

“Cha, Changmin!” he exclaimed and grinned. “This is, woahhh.”

“I’m happy to meet you,” Changmin told him and Jaewon nodded repeatedly.

“Likewise, this is an actual dream of mine! I’m a fan!”

“Oh?” Changmin looked away momentarily and then back at the man. “I’m aware of your music also.”

“Really?! My hyungs will be so honoured to hear that!”

Changmin nodded and racked his brain. “Ah, will you be attending the upcoming festival? I think I saw your group’s name on the line-up.”

“Yes! I will be there!” He smiled brightly, and for a moment Changmin faltered, finding the genuine response from Jaewon slightly hard to apprehend. No wonder Kaia liked him, he seemed very friendly.

“I’ll see you there then. Don’t let me keep you,” Changmin replied and Jaewon nodded, walking away for a moment. He quickly returned and held out his phone.

“I’m sorry, this is silly of me but-”

Changmin nodded. “I’ll take a photo with you, no worries!”

As Jaewon opened the device, Changmin spotted a picture of him and Kaia as the wallpaper and tried not to be obvious. She had never taken a photo with Changmin before. Jaewon then held it up and Changmin smiled for the shot, Jaewon bowing a couple of times before departing the bathroom. Placing his hands on the sink in front of me, Changmin groaned loudly. This was not how he wanted things to be.

I should leave, Changmin thought and sighed. Or I could just watch over them some more. It’s not harming anyone. Besides, they’ll probably need to eat, and Kaori is expecting food after this too.

He nodded determinedly. “Yunho did tell me to figure out the reason, maybe if I hang around her I’ll realise it.”

Heading back into the movie theatre, Changmin sat back down beside Kaori, who snuggled into his side. He didn’t stop her, feeling a little guilty for his new plan. He didn’t really want to drag her into this. But all the same, when the movie finished, Changmin grabbed her hand and walked out into the foyer, his eyes scanning the crowds to find the couple ahead.

“That was surprisingly good, wasn’t it?”

“It was interesting for sure.” Changmin smiled briefly at the woman. “Are you hungry? I’m starving. Let’s go eat.”

“Oh, but we didn’t make any reservations!”

“Why don’t we just find something nearby?” he suggested, finally spotting the all too familiar curls and not letting them out of his sight. They followed the couple around the block where there were a few restaurants and upscale cafes and Jaewon and Kaia eventually entered one, causing Changmin to hastily spot a different place to go into. Across the road was a good ramen store and he nodded towards it, all but dragging Kaori inside it. They ordered and Changmin chose the seats near the front, looking across to the coffee shop Kaia and Jaewon had entered. It was perfect; he had a complete view of them both.

“This is a different side to you, Changmin,” Kaori stated as they settled into their meals and he nodded, smiling at the woman. He didn’t know why he felt the need to be so nice to her right now, normally just the sight of her would make him want to run and hide. Changmin left it down to the guilt he was feeling for becoming a stalker. Shuddering with the label he had just given himself, he forced himself to look away. As he turned his head back to the meal in front of him, his appetite seemed to fade and he tried to smile again at Kaori who had still been talking.

Changmin was able to decipher that he was jealous of Jaewon. However, he didn’t know why. He missed his best friend and because of Jaewon, Changmin wasn’t able to see her anymore. He had left it down to that, but as Changmin sat there feeling guilty towards Kaori and now Jaewon, he wondered if there was something more.

There had to be.

_________________

Part 22

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[trrriple-rrr]

Of dreams coming true...or ...Pinter 5 and Anthony and Cleopatra.

Sometimes it really feels as if something in the universe is lining up to make your dreams come true all at once. That’s definitely how I felt when I read the news about Ralph being on stage from September to January in Anthony and Cleopatra and Rupert being on stage from December to January in Pinter 5. After seeing Richard “alive and breathing and acting his heart out” in The Crucible I just knew that whenever I’d get the chance to see Rupert and Ralph on stage I’d grab it with both hands. And after waiting over four years it happened! It definitely was one of these “Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?”- moments for me....

And then I knew it actually was real life as yes, Rupert and Ralph would be on stage around the same time and I’d get a chance to see them both without having to get time off work twice and without having to book two trips to London, but they were set to star in plays written by the two authors who really gave me some traumatic experiences in English class during my highschool days. If I had to name two of my least favourite authors you can bet that Shakespeare and Pinter would be on that list.

But I didn’t want to let this chance slip by and hey, even if the plays sucked, I’d still get to see Rupert Graves and Ralph Fiennes in person, doing “their thing” and that was good enough for me!

So I booked the flight to London and got the theatre tickets.

What follows now is my recap of the plays and seeing my beloved RRs. There probably will be some spoilers about them so if you don’t want to read them, maybe stop here.

Pinter at the Pinter - Pinter 5

On Thursday I went to see the matinee of Rupert’s play. I almost walked past the theatre as it seems a bit hidden. But it is quite lovely from the inside and there were many people there to see the play. It was nearly sold out and I was sitting in the very last row on the balcony. It was a nice view from up there and there were some free seats up there so I changed my seat before the play began.

I felt as if my heart was about to jump out of my throat as it was about to begin and it felt as if there wasn’t any time to get ready. You just get pushed right into the first of three Pinter plays shown.

Up first was “The Room”. Like the name suggests it’s set in a one room apartment, revolving around a married couple. Rupert plays the husband who does not say a single word in the first half of the play. (Which immediately brought me back to English class and Pinter’s “A Slight Ache” in which he uses the same rhethorical device. I can still hear my teacher’s words: “If you want to really get to know someone just be quiet with them. People can’t stand the silence and will just talk and talk and give away more about their life and character then they ever wanted.” Exeperiences certainly have proofed him right.) Rupert being all silent on stage was fantastic and disappointing at the same time for me. It was great because you could see just how much he’s able to portray with a simple glance or gesture and it just gave me time to study his face (I love the stubble so much) and his movements. When he gets up and walks I had a mayor “Oh wow. It’s really him!” moment. But I was also diappointed as everything in me just longed to hear his voice. When he did speak I just wanted to close my eyes and listen but I also didn’t want to miss anything in the play. A very fantastic moment of the first half of the play was also when Rupert’s character lies down on the bed, his back to the audience and he’s wearing trousers that really nicely show off his bottom. So if you plan on going to see it, I can highly recommend sitting on the left side of the theatre. When Rupert did speak his voice sounded a bit hoarse and lower than I thought it would. But it only gave him an even rougher and sexier quality which I loved. You could tell that he’s been on stage for a few weeks already.

Despite my reservations against Pinter, I got sucked into the story which left me with more questions than answers though - but that’s just Pinter’s thing, I think. The ending is really surprising. There was a little boy sitting in my row, about 8 years old maybe, and he was so shocked and scared that he started crying and his mother left with him, which distracted me but what I saw of Rupert was just... crazy good acting that left a lot of people speechless.

Then came the intermission and the chance to stretch my legs as there really wasn’t any leg room on the balcony.

The second play and third play they showed were much more to my liking. Rupert has got a part in all three plays but all actors involved are amazing. Jane Horrocks especially.

The second play was “Victoria Station”. There was only Rupert as a cab driver (again sitting on the left side of the stage) and Colin McFarlane as a dispatcher on screen. There isn’t a lot of movement and the story is mostly portrayed through the actor’s faces and voices. The story was short but it had everything in it. So many feelings you could connect to. Love, fear, anger, loneliness, longing and an underlying sense of suspence and the threat of something sinister going on. It was also hilarious. It made me think of Criminal Minds (which I love) and I kept thinking that the play would be a fantastic set up for an episode. The kind of CM episode that never really leaves you, that you dream about and still think about years later for some reason and it stirred your darker side or your fears and it’s just there just waiting to pop up every now and again. I just feel that this play will do this to me in years to come.

The third play was “Family Voices”. Rupert has got a smaller part in this with Jane Horrocks and Luke Thallon being the two main characters. Again it’s a play that leaves you with more questions than answers and leaves a lot to the imagination of the viewer. It was acted brilliantly and made fantastic use of the minimalistic stage setting. This one really left me with a feeling of heart break and loneliness and the urge to just call my mother and hear her voice. It just totally won me over to the “Hey, I think I misjudged Pinter”- side and it’s all thanks to the actors’ portrayal of the plays. The applause was so very well deserved and I think everyone who saw the plays will think about them for a long time.

After the plays I braved Stage Door. There was a small barrier put up which made me wonder what has happened as I asked @gravesdiggers about it before and she said there wouldn’t be one. On the other hand I was kind of glad there was one as it just felt....safer?! I don’t know. There were about ten to twelve people waiting. I was eighth in line or so and where I was standing there wasn’t any barrier. So I queued up and waited patiently (nervously and excitedly mostly though). Jane Horrocks is just a very nice woman and took her time to chat with people and sign their posters and stuff, she’s also quite beautiful. Rupert came out last, wearing comfy clothes, his wooly hat, trainers. A bonbon in his mouth (probably against the sore throat). He was really nice and took his time to take pictures. Hearing his voice up close was just even more amazing. I wasn’t nervous at all anymore when he was standing in front of me suddenly. Maybe because someone in line before me made him smile and laugh (which made me realise he didn’t do that during the plays so I even more happy to see it now) and to just hear his surprised, loud “Ha!” laugh I heard him do often before in interviews or on tv just really made my heart beat faster and gave me the “Oh my God. It’s Rupert Graves!” feeling that made my knees feel a bit weak.

I just asked him to sign my ticket which he did glady after calling my pen weird and then taking it back when he saw it had “Peter Rabbit” on it (Come on, Rupert, Peter Rabbit is cute!). I didn’t ask for a photo as I suck at taking selfies and there were some people left in line after me. It was just nice to see him up close and to breathe him in (he smelled of a sharp and spicy bodyspray (after-shave?!) and I just felt like floating when I left to just explore the city. Stopping every once in a while to squeal inwardly and still thinking about the plays a lot.

Anthony and Cleopatra

Friday came around and with it the excitement of seeing Ralph in Anthony and Cleopatra at the National Theatre in the evening. I distracted myself with some sight-seeing throughout the day but the later it got the more nervous I was getting.

There were even more people at the NT and I was sitting very close to the stage. Not in first row which was sold out when I got the ticket but still close enough to hear Ralph’s knee creak when he knelt down on stage and to hear the crack of the blood capsule at the end. And after seeing a lot of spit flying around and seeing how low the first row was I am glad I didn’t sit there, to be honest. XD

And then it was time to deal with Shakespeare. My other English class nemesis. I don’t know what it’s about Shakespearian English that makes it turn to white noise in my head whenever I hear it. Reading is okay but just hearing it is really difficult. I didn’t have time to read the play beforehand so I was fearing the worst really.

But I had read @herbaminor‘s review of the play before and they wrote that even though it is a really long play (3 h 10 min) they didn’t look at their watch once so I was feeling hopeful I wouldn’t either.

And I didn’t! Not once! I was sucked into the story immediately which starts by showing the ending of the play and then rewinding time to show how it all played out to reach that point. I guess it’s not a spoiler to say that Cleopatra and Anthony commit suicide/die at the ending, right?!

The stage design is very minimalistic again which was just perfect for the actors to fill the stage with their characters and personalities. Every single one of them was amazing and all pulled their weight to make it a spectacular play. Knowing that Ralph and Sophie won the Evening Standard Theatre Award for their performances really gave me hope it would be a great play and more.

I didn’t understand every word they said (especially Agrippa - who is genderswapped in this production. I didn’t get what her part/plan was at all) but I understood enough to follow the story and to really enjoy the play. It was quite funny for a tragedy and I just got the feeling I’m getting the full Ralph Fiennes’ package. He’s the lover, the politician, the action-hero, the singer and dancer, tragedy personified. He’s really giving it his all in this play.

He first came on stage tumbling around with an open shirt, a tattoo on his chest (which they moved from his stomach (as seen on the promp pic) to rest above his heart), bare feet and painted toenails (black!). I instantly felt all hort and bothered especially since he was standing right in front of me A LOT and I just stared at his chest hair and belly button and fought the urge to sit on my hands to keep myself from reaching out. It’s just.... a lot of food for the imagination when you see him like this in front of you, or caressing Cleopatra’s thighs.

Sophie Okenodo is just stunning. From her costumes, to her hair to her acting. She’s all in and you just have to look at her. Even when she’s snotty from crying. She’s amazing and I totally fell in love with her. Put her together with Ralph and they are just mind-blowing.

I wasn’t bored for one second during the play. After it had gone for maybe 15 minutes or so a phone went off near me, getting a text alert, Ralph heard it on stage as there was some glaring in my general direction and I can only hope my attempt at sending a thelepathic “Wasn’t me! Not me!” - message worked!

I just loved the music and the lighting and it all worked together to make it a fantastic play that kind of made me forget that it’s Shakespeare I’m listening to right now. They combined modern costumes with a modern setting (showing their enemies as a presentation on screens/from an usb stick). But it didn’t seem to clash at all for some reason.

Ralph sings in this play and he does so amazingly well. You could tell when he was talking that he has been on stage for a while too. His voice was hoarse too and sounded differently than it usually does. Only when he spoke in his low tones you could hear the velvety quality in it which really sends shivers down your spine. He dances too and you really get immediate “A Bigger Splash” flashbacks and it’s just fun to watch and he just seems to be in it and not embarrassed at all to just go for it.

I think my favourite “I’m about to melt into a puddle” moment was, when Anthony gets dresses himself to get ready for a political meeting and he’s putting on his uniform (there is another scene in which he gets dressed in uniform to go to war which also is.... sjdhgjsla) and he is standing there with this determined experession on his face and then he put on these brown leather glove all the while standing right in front of me that really made me forget to breathe for about five minutes, I think.

And then there is the scene right before the intermission. Cleopatra is standing on the moving part of the stage and Anthony is standing on the non-moving part, closer to the audience and she moves past him, reaching out for him with her hand and he does the same and then just grabs her and pulls her to him and kisses her...that was the moment I knew I had to get a cold drink during intermission!

I loved how much care they took on the details like Anthony wearing a wedding ring after getting married to Ceasar’s sister Octavia which he sneakily takes off and puts onto the nightstand before he travels back to Egypt. And the story they tell with the character’s shoes. Anthony going from bare-foot (and painted toe nails!) to wearing loafers without socks, loafers with socks and combat boots to Cleopatra’s Women wearing fashionable open-toed high heels to flats to bare feet. It just seemed to support the story and all the action going on.

And I just cared for so many characters. My heart ached for Anthony and Cleopatra but it really broke at Eros’ ending and the shocked/sad gasp of the audience told me I’m not the only one feeling that way.

It was also amazing when Cleopatra pulls a real live snake out of the fig basket to commit suice with an asps bite. I loved it but the woman sitting next to me nearly had a melt-down at the sight of the snake. Even though it was a small-ish not poisonous kingsnake.

After the play I hurried to get out of the theatre to go to the stage door but I really shouldn’t have bothered. It took a long time till Ralph came out. Again there were about ten people waiting for him and there was no queue, no barrier nothing. I was really super nervous and a bit intimidated in that moment. Ralph took his time coming out, even after you could already see him. It made me laugh as I’d probably do the same if I were him. But he did came out and he wasn’t intimidating to talk to at all. He was very nice and signed people’s books and tickets and leaflets (even if you could tell they hadn’t been to see the play).

After my Rupert situation the day before I gave him the second pen I had in my jacket to sign my ticket. Sadly it didn’t write very well which Ralph mentioned as well and tried to make his signature as legible as possible. I just told him I’m sorry about the pen and thanked him for the autograph before I went back to the hotel feeling happy and on Cloud 9.

It was an amazing two days in London and seeing Rupert and Ralph on stage really was a dream come true. They are such great actors and meeting them in person afterwards was just the most delicious cherry on top.

And with that I will end this long post before I remember to add all the things I forgot to write about. :)

[nomdy-plume]

Have you seen ‘Inside Llewyn Davis’?

It’s a good job I don’t post a new blog every week – I’d have nothing to talk about.  

Whereas, leaving it a few months between updates, I have LOTS to cover. You ready? Let’s begin:

Since returning from Texas, I have completed a month’s contract onboard another ferry, after my management were kind enough to offer me a way out of short-term pecuniary disenfranchisement. It was the sister-ship of the one that I normally find myself on and I’m pleased to say that it was the better of the two: the indoor smoking room (I no longer smoke) was a [much larger and better equipped] gym and the gym room was a very plush TV room with a full satellite package.

Given the cricket world cup was taking place during my contract, it was wonderful to be the only person on the ship who wasn’t busy working during the day. I had the whole TV room to myself (about 25 yards from the mess, food, drink, etc.) to indulge in what was an amazing tournament.

On my last two contracts I was playing in the main theatre (in the belly of the ship) with a party band but for a month I was providing troubadour, solo, action upstairs in the Sky lounge – my first contract as a soloist.  After an initial knee-jerk reaction to accepting the contract of downloading a ton of backing tracks, so I could provide a range of musical options, I realised pretty quickly that this was completely  unnecessary.

Performing 4x 30min sets a night: I started out by planning 3 days’ worth of unique sets, which I figured I could adjust and tinker with until I was happy with how they all worked out. Slow, mellow ones to start with before whipping the crowd into a frenzy with sing-a-long classics later on in the night. I think I had about 150 songs in my solo repertoire to choose from and it’s basically about 7 or 8 songs a set (depending on how long I drag them out for).

It was the usual mix of songs that I know I can play and sing – which work in a solo setting – and a desperate grab for as many other suitable songs which I could learn or which I really wanted to try out acoustically.

However, pretty early in the contract, one of the ladies on security in the port was kind enough to pass on her head cold to me. My throat was soon swollen enough for me to ask my Entertainments Manager (EM) if it would be OK if I just played some instrumental stuff until my voice was better.  His reaction – reading between the lines, and the indifferent shrug – told me that he couldn’t care less what I did as long as I was up there making some form of noise for my allotted times.

Now, this meant that the bar staff / bar manager in my venue must have been happy with what they had heard of me so far: they are always the ones to complain if something isn’t working or going to plan.  This pleased me: the bar staff have to listen to the solo act over and over and over again, every night for weeks on end, so whereas the passengers might only hear one or two performances, the staff will hear every single one.  

They become very sensitive to how good/bad people are in both their playing and their selection of material – normally the lack of it.  150 songs might seem a lot, but that’s only 5 days worth before you repeat yourself IF you stick to playing every song.

Anyway, to cut to the chase, I quickly got the 30 min sets down to 3 or 4 songs – only two of which I might sing on. I needed to come up with a few more jazz instrumentals to bluff my way through as the staff were hearing Autumn Leaves and Blue Bossa every night, and I don’t want to drive them too mad…

It was a good exercise in needing to be creative with a looper pedal as well as figuring out which of my repertoire I could drag out for around ten mins with solos before and after each verse/chorus…

It meant that I could reduce the songs on which I did sing down to a select, polished group.  It was a great relief to know that I could just throw down a loop and meander whimsically around some melodic lines for the duration of the sets. Audience were happy, bar staff were happy – I was over the moon!

The audiences were a mixed bag.  Most were very receptive: in the warm summer evenings, the top lounge where I played was the place to be. Plus it is right next to the open smoking decks – so there have been some good numbers of bodies in, most of the time.  They don’t seem to mind me in the corner with a looper pedal just noodling away and I’ve been able to play all the requests thrown my way so far. The German passengers seem extra friendly and receptive – apparently they LOVE a bit of Dire Straits, which suits me right down to the ground because so do I.

As per most contracts, there were times when a small, appreciative crowd were loving everything I was playing – just as there were times when a large, unappreciative crowd couldn’t have cared less what I was doing.  In my final week, I was determined to give it everything I had in those final shows – I poured my heart and soul into everything I did.  And no-one noticed, cared or gave a hoot.

Such is life!

Some nights I sucked, didn’t want to be there… some nights I was on fire, didn’t want it to end… I had a ton of fun, even if it didn’t feel like it all the time. I also got to head into Amsterdam a couple of times which was wonderful, it’s possibly my favourite European city and I’ve spent so many hours wandering around the canals and streets.

There’s a breakfast café very near the station which always – ALWAYS! – has a queue of about 10-15 people waiting to get in.  It’s called Omelegg and I’ve always wanted to know what the food is like in there… all the online reviews say it’s incredible… my lifetime quest to find out for myself continueth…

The party band who were onboard were a nice bunch. They were in the lamentable – but not uncommon – position of joining the ship with a guitarist who was young, naïve and completely unprepared for the contract. However, he was a nice, well-meaning guy and the others didn’t seem to be willing to cuss him out: they were kind of hand-holding him through the contract. Bless.

Bands are responsible for making sure they know what they are doing, are rehearsed, etc. and apparently this kid had known for a year that he was doing it.  Sounds like his reasoning was as follows (taken from ad verbatim quotes from the band):

·         I’m the best guitarist at my university

·         I can play anything and I can sing a bit

·         I should be able to figure out / jam along to whatever the band play

I was torn: between admiring the sheer, bare-faced audacity of naïve youth and gobbling popcorn at the eye-widening, car-crash drama of it all. I managed to catch a few of their songs – when our set-times overlapped a little – and it was, indeed, painful to witness.

I wish I could say that I hadn’t been there before, in his shoes (albeit under slightly different circumstances), but I had.  All I can say is that if you survive a baptism of fire like that and STILL want to pursue it as a career, you’ve already displayed enough courage and determination/perseverance to almost guarantee some level of success. It is being right at the bottom of a very steep, painful learning curve.

I also loved my Ibanez jazzy hollow-body guitar on this contract, too.  I bought it in Hong Kong a few years back (the Tom Lee store there is incredible: an Aladdin’s cave of guitar goodness) and hadn’t really touched it since.  I wasn’t sure if the contract would stipulate ‘acoustic-only’ – but that was me being overly cautious.  Not only does it sound great – that oaky, woody, jazzy sound you’d expect from that style of guitar – but it plays so much more easily than anything else I own.

And, because you guys are always most interested in the tragic, nerve-wracking, up-and-down drama of my life as a musician, I’ll fill you in on current events.

I’d been lining up a contract for later in the year, back onboard the last cruise ship where we did the acoustic duo gig.  This time as the party band, which – although fraught with its own logistical challenges – was at least a contract on the table.  Indeed, I had digitally signed and returned it and was relieved to have another 5 months of work booked in to keep my head afloat.

However, the delightful and immensely-talented LT had previously – and both I and the drummer were loosely aware of this – auditioned for a cruise line which paid nearly twice the money for not quite half the work, but certainly a much more agreeable working environment.

So, it was with a sense of dread and doom that we read her message saying that she had been offered a contract with this other cruise line and we weren’t going to be able to tag along. We weren’t going to do the contract without her and we all knew that she was destined for greater things than earning minimum wage with no days off for five months.

So, here I am under fairly intense financial pressures and no work on the horizon.  It’s all very Inside Llewyn Davis, which pleases and disgusts me in equal measures.  On the plus side, in my attempts to get some sort of a side-gig going, I’ve done some work as an extra on a major Netflix production which was being filmed in Wales. It’ll be out later this year, I’m hoping to get some screen time – it’ll be something to laugh about with my family.

So yeah, there’s the update. I may leave it as long again to allow enough to occur to make it a riveting read… but then I don’t have much on at the moment and may end up publishing frequently as a means to pass the time…

*salutes*

[asp1990]

Day 13: Tuesday July 5th, 2022 [REYKJAVIK]

Breakfast: Toast and a coffee Lunch: Vegetarian lasagne with flatbread and hummus Dinner: Cheeseburger and fries

Steps: 13, 477

Woke up at 8:30am and Andrew came to stay as his accom was rubbish. Everyone was ready at 9am as I got out of the shower, so I said I’d meet them there and dried my hair. I was going to walk and miss the first session, but we’d already missed the warmup and the conference open, so I caught a cab ($35 AUD) and beat Andrew, Tim and Amara who had caught the wrong bus. The driver was lovely, and we talked about travel, but it was an expensive trip.

I met up with Zac and we signed up for the first session together. We attended a session about using stimulus and resources to inspire Drama. We had to be crows. We literally acted like crows, became crow families, and then used excerpts of scripts from a play about crows to inform our work. It took me about 15 minutes to get over myself and start embracing the crow-ness. Zac and I were partners and when asked what inspiration we took from the script, we said it sounded like a musical about how crows feel misrepresented and misunderstood, but the Irish woman running the workshop did not seem keen on our idea. We worked with the other 3 groups to devise a 5-minute performance about crows and performed it at the end. It was fun, but not how I was expecting to start my day. We then had an hour lunch break. We were served vegetarian lasagne with flat bread and hummus, which was lovely. We caught up with all of the other Drama Vic people are shared stories about our day.

Next was the Keynote, which we weren’t interested in, so Zac, Amara, Tim and I walked into town to explore and see the main part of town. Tim’s Google maps sent us the wrong way, so we walked for about 40 minutes past a ditch, a highway, and a construction site. Amara got pissed off while Zac and I laughed it off. Tim walked ahead and ignored our complaints. We finally got to Rainbow St, which was beautiful, and took some photos. We visited some souvenir shops and then hired some scooters to head back to the conference. I’ve never hired a scooter before but will be for the rest of this trip! It’s about $10 AUD for 20 minutes and it’s a relaxed, quick way to see the city. We just needed to download an app, scan the QR on the bike and start riding. At the end of the trip, tap end on the app and take a photo of your parked scooter. Too easy!

Upon our return, it was afternoon tea, so we grabbed a coffee and headed to our afternoon session. Zac and I went to a sensory workshop where we were blindfolded, barefoot, and led through a series of smells, sounds, bags of things to touch and things to walk over. After, someone washed our feet (yuck!) and we were told to write down what we felt and thought during the experience. We then had a discussion, and one woman took up a lot of airtime talking about a theatre company who did something similar in another country. Quite rude, but the workshops hosts were very patient.

After that, we had a 2hr break before a “theatre show”, so Zac and I scootered 15 mins back to our apartment, right next door to the theatre, and waited for the others. Everyone else arrived about half an hour later, we had a glass of wine and then headed to the show.

We went to the theatre at 5:45pm. Zac stayed in our apartment to nap and the rest of us went next door. We saw a Spanish school doing a weird show about a woman in a t-shirt factory who didn’t like the mean bosses. They did a cabaret of Disney songs that they’d changed the words to. Not sure if they’d bought the rights or not. The whole show was in Basque, and it was confusing.  The show started with Belle from Beauty & the Beast, but her name was Clara We then had songs from Les Mis, Frozen and an Aladdin Medley. My fav part was the part about inspiration women in history. Cleopatra was backed by a picture of Greek Pilates and Arabian dancer while they sang a song from Aladdin. They then bought out Vietnamese fans  We had a program that had a paragraph synopsis of each scene in English, but it was still very confusing and culturally inappropriate.

We hoofed it at the end of the show, after listening to the director speak about their struggles and came back to our apartment to discuss. We walked down to Solon Bar at 8pm, we spoke about drag terms and what was toot or boot, slay or fierce. Andrew called the conference a ‘soft toot’. The bartender was incredibly rude and we were all ready to write her off until Andrew spoke to her and found out that the conference directors had told her that 200+ conference attendees would be visiting every evening and that was not the case – she’d had about 30 people that night We apologised on behalf of the conference and said we would feed it back to the conference organisers.

We walked home and I taught Andrew how to use the scooters. He was grateful and blown away when I said that I only learned how to used them today, but that shows how easy they are to use! We came inside, had one more wine, sang a few show tunes and then went to bed. Another day of conference tomorrow – yay! :)

[jinships-ideas]

BTS Run 37 - The Jin Harem

I’m late by a day but what’s new now?

Let’s begin~

I wonder what Tae is looking at...

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

ft.Hanbok Jin (A PRECIOUS CUTIE)

We don’t get to see it on screen but this is Hobi reaching out for Jinnie

Mind you, he was NOT beside Jin

Tae was between them but NTH stands in the way of 2Seok reaching out for a handshake

Ahhh bless this bub who was the mastermind behind Hanbok Jin

He did kind of fish for compliments here (he always does)

But I’ll le tit slide since he really does deserve all the praise

Tae... Your love is overflowing

Your overwhelming bias is really really too obvious

(I mean... it’s totally understandable)

ALSO, Bless Tae for being there to tell Jin all that for all of us out here who thinks the EXACT SAMe THIng and more!

The way Tae fiddles with his fingers (is fiddle even the right word?) and fidgets 

Those are signs of nervousness

Could he be testing the waters on how he could show his love for Jinnie?

But Tae has always been very open and public when singing praises for Jin...

What’s got him slightly nervous? 

🤔

Hobi: Really? in front of my salad?

(finally, Hobi joins in the saladmeme squad!)

Chim sees how Jin LOVES the praises and decides to chime in

(laugh please. I’m kinda proud of that one)

They really love their eldest don’t they?

:’)

(Also...Chim could just be a little shit and is dissing Jin but either way, it’s cute)

JK disapproves of Chim’s kiss-assness

JK: You little kiss-ass punk

Jin found Jk’s questioning ‘huh’ funny and cute

Or he just thinks anything Jk does is cute

Both are very true and accurate

Joonie... your fondness is showing too much

Tone it down a little... There are cameras everywhere

(lmao please don’t. we love fond gazes)

Is Tae doing the whole ‘stretch and put your arms behind them’ shit?

because it sure looks like it

This ain’t a movie theatre Tae!

(does this mean he did this when he went to watch movies with Jin?????)

Jinkook back at it again with the neck kink thing

Damn... put these 2 together and they will ALWAYS reach out for one of their necks...

I’m not complaining at all but just DAMN 

CAMERAS people! DO YOU GUYS NOT CARE?

THANK YOU THOUGH

Hobi: Really? in front of my salad? (pt.2) Tae: I want to unsee this bullshit beside me

I’m so sad to announce this...

Jin X everything and anything is so good

but sadly... Jin x books is not a thing

This bub seems to really dislike reading books

Sorry for all the jinxbooks shippers out there T^T

Jinxmountain(climbing) shippers too... sorry guys

It just ain’t happening...

Taejin mirroring with the tapping of their pretty fingers

When someone is so beautiful, even their fingers look good...

HANDS ON THIGH!

That’s Jin’s thigh

jinkook being all touchy as always

They are literally stuck together

SO DAMN CLOSE

ME LIKES

They are STILL stuck to each other!!!

LOVE IT

Also, Jin looks so cute???

(I’m sorry Joonie for your unglam... you still fab af tho)

They are all matching with the ‘left hand lean’

such cuties

AWWW

Angel Jin donated his cards to Jk so he could continue playing!

He didn’t want the bub to be left out

:’)

That’s so damn sweet

Jinmin hand touch during the game

BLESS THIS GAME

We are going to have quite a few of these hand touch moments thanks to this

Fellas, play this game with a group and invite the person you like

It’s a good game for some initiation of skinship

What’s this? 

Oh it’s nothing much

Just Tae casually sliding closer to Jin~

Namjin Hand touch this time~

Hobi attempts too but is too slow

Better luck next time Hobi~

Tadahhh! Hobi succeeds!

2Seok hand touch this time everybody!

(I feel like a sports commentator...)

Yoongi attempts too but fails to win the round

He DID, however, get to touch Jin’s hands so who’s the real winner here?

Hobi? Because he won the round?

Yoongi? Because he got to touch Jin’s hands?

Us? Because we got a Yoonjin hand touch moment?

(Psst It’s us)

Jinmin once again!

(also, the top of their heads are really adorable for some unknown reason)

He is so impressed with Jin’s skills at the game

Jin must have been that kid with tons of friends and gatherings that played all those games

He was also the Jenga master back then...

But isn’t this game fairly new? Did it exist back when he was a kid?

Does jin still play these games with his friends now?

That’s cute AF

They are so impressed

Too impressed

It’s just a game guys

XD

Jin loving Yoongi’s joke about how he probably goes to university for this game to master it so well

Jk stroking Jin’s back

HE STROKEed HIS BACK 

What is with Jinkook’s touchiness?

OMG I LOve IT

Jin wasn’t even surprised 

Jk taking the opportunity to slightly touch Jin’s hand

I mean... he probably knows he won’t get a chance mid-game (he sucks at the game)

He saw the chance and he took it

Jk tapping Jinnie’s arm~

Jin finds it ridiculously funny how the members are egging him to donate his cards to them all because he is too good at the game

2Seok hand touch once again~

(they weren’t supposed to hit the bell)

He freaking rolled ON Jin

And Jin just LETS HIM

What sort of skinship moments do they have in private if this is how they are in front of cameras????

Like DAMN JINKOOK YOUR TOUCHINESS IS OVERWHELMING

Very slight yoonjin hand touch moment

Jin is really too serious about this game

CHILL

Namjin hand touch~

Ok so I’ve played this game before and watching them play, my mind just goes to one thought...

DOESN’T IT HURT LIKE SHIT????

Like damn they hit so hard they are going to end up with bruises!

Jinmin once again

All this hand touching is good and all but because there’s so much...

WE NEED SMTH MORE INTENSE

SUPER subtle namjin touch

That is so unnecessary but I felt satisfied making it

If I had the skills, I would edit away all the cards and make it seem like they are just holding hands randomly

A different angle~

I wonder how long they played that game for...

How many times everyone got to touch Jin’s hands

Joonie looks ESCTATIC despite losing

I would be too

I’d willingly be the biggest loser ever if I got to touch Jin’s hands

BUT if I got to touch his hands, am I actually losing?

Jin: Praise me you losers. *uh hup* (that’s the sound old man makes) Chim: Hyung Jjang~ Joonie: I touched him! Hnng I TOUCHED HIM Hobi: How does one looks so good and be so good? Tae: I’m so done with that kiss-ass Jk: That’s not going to work bootlicker. Yoongs: No. Just no. You are Dead to me.

Tae trying to butter up Jin

Tae didn’t even participate in the footage that was aired...

He literally just sat and watched and filmed.

That’s really not how you flirt Tae... 

You are still cute though

Visual Mirrors

JK tries to play the pity card but fails

Jin still finds him cute though

So did he really fail?

Oh?

Wait Why did Jk join in the winner’s 2nd round ??

He fcking cheated

He sneaky and sly and the rest let it slide

Chim sending a flying kiss to Jin~

SUCH A SWEET LITTLE BUB

Top 10 anime betrayals

Tae won but Jin chose yoongi...

Damn either Yoongi is a really good roomie (I hope they still are) or Tae did smth wrong to Jin

I lean towards the latter because of smth Tae says later...

The way Tae stares at Jin here is too funny to not include

Tae: How can someone so mean to me still look that fabulous? I’m upset he played me but I still want him...

Chim springing up his aegyo tone and cute little thumbs trying to not be last in Jin’s ranking

CHIM CHIL WITH YOUR AEGYO OMG

He sees his rival (chim) in action 

He springs up like a froggy

And fcking kills everyone with his aegyo explosion

HOW DARE HE 

And the noises he made

How the heck did Jin survive that and not collapse from aegyo fatality???

HOW?

Chim’s pillow attack at Jin for placing him last

His attacks are as soft as his own person 

Joonie: Let’s sit according to our order Hobi: I’m Onto you, you sneaky shit

I wonder if Joonie requested that because he knew he was going to be the only one sitting beside Jinnie~

Jk back at touching Jin’s back again...

So with jinkook its backs and necks huh

That enthusiasm of Joonie regarding the seating order

He really really is eager to sit in order huh?

He is so sweet!

He silently positioned Jin’s pillow for him!

As much as Jin dotes on Jk, Jk takes good care of his eldest too!

Tae feels wronged about placing 6th

Tae: are you being like this to me because of a grudge?

Tae... wtf did you do to Jin?

Did you not know he can be so damn petty?

Jin takes the ‘r’ out of pretty, very fcking well

Why do you think he loves the ‘red’ acrostic poem so much?

(Lmao Ignore me)

Tae throwing the pillow at Jin for placing him last 

Petty jin is still so pretty

These 2 lame bubs matching with the tingly fingers

Jinnie randomly calling Tae a fool

He is a fool, a fool for you~

Jin being thoroughly entertained by Joonie’s ‘randomness’

Chim very clearly shows his disapproval of how the others are picking on Jinnie’s answer and is very blatantly supporting Jin

:))) I love a fair man 

Min Yoongi... If I were to play any games with that man...

Oh gosh... Let’s just say the game doesn’t end and there may be bloodshed

(ง •̀_•́)ง

Be ready to square tf up

Joonie saw the chance

Joonie took the chance

Joonie got to touch that holy thigh

Chim is smitten by Jin’s ‘paper cups are delicious’

So Joonie isn’t the only sneaky one...

Jin too... he must really love touching Joonie’s leg...

Jin’s heart aches for Hobi’s misfortune at landing on a deserted island

The way Taejin looks at each other after Tae’s successful bottle flipping

Jin: WOOOOOOOW AWESOME! Tae: You see that? Look at your man. Now look at me. Oh wait. Both are just me.

Jk...taking touchiness to a whole different level... 

scaling even across Joon...

Meanwhile, Jin looks so done with his members

Joonie joins in~

He even said that even Jin’s ear is handsome

Also... Jk is smiling waaaay too widely

Jk giggling at Jin’s antics

if you look closely, you will notice Yoongs letting out a slight smile too

NAMJOON-AH THAT’S NOT YOUR LEG

THAT’S NOT THE FLOOR!!!

I literally screamed that out in Korean(probably grammatically incorrect) when I saw that...

DAMN NAMJIN

Ok first, we see Jin drinking from a bottle

Next, Joon reaches out for a drink too

His hand clearly goes for the cup but he suddenly switches his mind

He ultimately goes for the bottle that Jin just drank from...

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Look how Jin leans back to make sure Joonie can see the paper clearly!

So considerate!

Jk clearly set out on his mission to make Jin laugh with his weird nonsense sentence

AND HE SUCCEEDED

There was 0 need to touch Jin

NONE AT ALL

But Joonie doesn’t give a shit about need

He just wants to Ok?

Isn’t this whole ‘arm out in front swing before speaking’ a gesture that Jin always does and gets made fun of for being ‘uncle-like’?

Is Joonie slowly being influenced to do the same thing?

Studies have shown that adopting similar habits/gestures of the one you like is a very very common phenomenon

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It’s science

Yoongi and Chim joining in with Jin’s teasing of Tae and wanting to make him lose the chance to buy a property

LET HIM LIVE DAMNIT

Joon’s hands just very naturally goes to Jin’s leg...

They don’t even care about the camera anymore

Fcking NAMJIN IN THE HOUSE

Also... Jin didn’t even have to look to grab Joon’s hand and the thing he is holding...

PLeASE TAKE NOTE OF TAE

He does NOT have the same reactions as the others

Want to know why?

He was just overshadowed by Joon’s 1 try success when he took 2

Go back to the part I mentioned above

He can no longer be smug and proud about his 2 tries success to Jin when Joon did it on 1 try

Poor bub can only laugh bitterly as Jin and the rest marvels at Joon’s impressiveness

Bless all the namjin content we’ve been getting these days

I’m so damn thankful

The dry spell before that was horrible

THIS THOUGH

THANK Fck NAMJIN LIVES ON

Namjin is a gift that keeps on giving 

It happens off screen but you can hear the sound of Jin hitting Joon’s legs as he laughs at Joon’s misfortune

Slight 2Seok touching hands~

Namjin fiddling with their sleevs at the same time

Jin istting like a mermaid though

so damn cute

Are those Namjoon’r crumbs????

LMAO Such a cutie eating while dropping crumbs all over and getting nagged at by his members

I thought this episode had very little Jin harem moments...why tf did it take so long to make this post??? Istg I wasn’t even distracted/doing other things... Gotta speed up my process next time...

Hope you guys enjoyed~

Until Next time!

[redthreadoffate]

1-100 for that ask game, answer them all

YOU! I like you.

1. What is your favourite television show from the 80′s?

Mork & Mindy for the early 80′s and The Golden Girls for the late 80′s.

2. Favourite television show from the early 2000′s?

Is The X-Files still counted?

3. Favourite television show from the 2010′s +?

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

4. Who is your favourite female television character of all time?

Eve French

5. Who is your favourite male television character of all time?

Thomas Magnum

6. Favourite television show of all time?

The X-Files

7. If you could watch one t.v. show for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

8. Favourite television soundtrack?

All Power Rangers opening theme songs

9. Favourite guest-star appearance on a television show?

Robin Williams in Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

10. Least favourite character on your favourite television show?

I cannot believe that I’m going to say this but I’m going with Bobbi Morse from Agents of SHIELD. Bobbi is not the Bobbi in that show. Completely destroyed. I love Bobbi, I really do. But in SHIELD? Nooooo.

11. Favourite character on your favourite television show?

Dana Scully from The X-Files if we’re going with favorite show.

12. Best cliff-hanger?

Even though the show wasn’t picked-up for a second season, I love the clff hanger of Flash Forward.

13. Saddest death scene?

Jo and Ellen Harvelle in Supernatural and Juliet Burke in Lost.

14. What television show would you like to be a regular on?

I’d love to be in Supernatural honestly.

15. What television show would you like to guest-star on?

I’m meant to be the main star.

16. A show that you hate to love?

That Walking Dead from season 1 to 5 (I hate the rest for real).

17. A show that you love to hate?

Arrow

18. Name an episode from a show that you will always remember?

That Teddy’s Treehouse episode from Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. Scarred me. Continuing to scar.

19. Name an episode from a show that you wish didn’t happen?

Beth’s death episode from The Walking Dead.

20. Spin-offs: yes or no?

Depends on the character/s.

21. A show that you started watching but then stopped? What was the reason?

I’ve watched a lot but I probably stopped after watching one episode already so I’ll go with The Walking Dead. First, Beth died. Second, they legit stopped making it about the walking dead. I understand that there are still baddies in a zombie apocalypse but really????

22. Name a show that means something to you, and why?

Agents of SHIELD. It’s the first show that made me realize “OMG. I love watching television shows.”

23. A show that you find relatable to your life?

Kahogo no Kahoko. DO YOU KNOW WHY??? She’s 21 (I’m 24 though, and I watched it just a few months ago) and very protected from the real world, is close to her mother and she fraternal twins in the end??? Something I’ve always wanted when I have kids???

24. A show that makes your cringe?

Can’t think of one right but I’m sure there’s something. Wait, let me think...Arrow.

25. Favourite television villian?

The Cigarette Smoking Man from The X-Files

26. A show that you will continue to re-watch over and over again?

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

27. Name a show that had the worst series finale, in your opinion?

Arrow. I don’t watch it but ew.

28. What is your favourite movie from the 80′s?

Ghostbusters II

29. Favourite movie from the 90′s?

Se7en and Clueless

30. Favourite movie from the early 2000′s?

13 Going on 30 and Harry Potter 1 & 2

31. Favourite movie from the 2010′s +?

INCEPTION

32. Favourite movie villian?

Norman Bates from Psycho

33. Who is your favourite male movie character of all time?

Oliver Wood from Harry Potter and Peter Pevensie from The Chronicles of Narnia

34. Who is your favourite female movie character of all time?

Ariadne from Inception

35. What is your favourite movie of all time?

Inception

36. Favourite director?

Christopher Nolan

37. Favourite series/saga/triology, etc.?

Harry Potter and The Chronicles of Narnia

38. What’s your favourite universe?

Harry Potter universe

39. Favourite comic-book movie?

Sky High??? Or Captain America: Civil War

40. What’s your favourite disney movie?

Brave

41. Favourite pixar movie?

Rise of the Guardians

42. What’s your favourite animated movie?

Is Christopher Robin counted?

43. Best voice-casting, in your opinion?

Lea Salonga as Jasmine and Mulan

44. Is there a movie that you could watch over and over again and not get tired?

Inception, Harry Potter 1 & 2, and The Chronicles of Narnia 1 (and a bit of 2 & 3)

45. Name a movie that made you cry uncontrollably?

Piglet’s Big Movie and Christopher Robin

46. A movie that had you laughing throughout it’s entirety?

Night at the Museum (all)

47. A preview/trailer of a movie you saw and thought “I HAVE to see that!”?

Joker

48. Rom-com’s or drama?

Rom-coms because drama makes me sad

49. Thriller’s or comedies?

Both, you cannot stop me

50. Horror or psychological?

Psychological horror

51. Your favourite book adaptation turned movie?

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe

52. Your favourite actor?

Liam Neeson

53. Favourite actress?

Amanda Seyfried

54. In your opinion, a well deserved Oscar win?

Liam Neeson

55. Favourite Oscar speech?

I haven’t watched many Oscars :(

56. Most memorable movie ending?

Inception

57. A movie death that shocked you?

Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s in Sin City 2: A Dame to Kill For

58. A movie you thought was going to be good, but wasn’t?

Oz: The Great and Powerful

59. Biggest Oscar upset, in your opinion?

Not sure :(

60. A movie you hated but everyone else loves?

Titanic

61. Do you cry during movies? 

YES

62. Do you prefer classic movies, or new movies?

New

63. In your opinion, the best character casting?

Ellen Page as Ariadne and William Moseley as Peter Pevensie

64. Think of a movie you really love, how many times have you seen it?

Inception

65. Do you like to re-watch movies you’ve seen before?

Yes

66. Have you ever been to a midnight screening of a movie?

No :(

67. Ever attended a movie premiere?

No :(

68. An actor you love that nails it in both television & film?

Robin Williams

69. An actress you love that nails it in both television & film?

Ellen Page

70. Why is your favourite movie, your favourite movie?

Because it’s so...just such a beautiful movie that is so underrated in a way that people don’t actually think about what’s happening.

71. Movies based on real life/facts or made-up stories?

Made-up

72. Your favourite movie genre?

Comedy

73. A movie that made you feel proud?

Smaller and Smaller Circles

74. A movie that scared you/made you paranoid?

Pretty much ever horror movie

75. An Indoor movie theatre or outside drive-in?

Indoor movie theatre

76. Are you a snacker/drinker during movies?

Candies and water or just a soda/flavored drink

77. Where abouts in a theatre do you prefer to sit (front, middle, back)?

Back

78. If you could have a role in any movie ever made, which movie would it be?

Ariadne

79. An underrated movie, in your opinion?

The Purge: Election Year

80. An overrated movie?

Divergent series

81. A movie you felt attached to after watching it?

Christopher Robin

82. A movie that was relatable to you and your life?

Dumplin’? I mean, I’ve got an “okay” body frame but the life story? Pretty much (minus Bo, there is no Bo)

83. Name a movie that made you go “wow” after watching it?

Inception

84. Action-packed movies or lots of dialogue?

Both, it’s hard to communicate without the other

85. Fantasy movies to normal life movies?

Depends on my mood

86. Have you ever walked out of a theatre mid-movie? What was the movie?

Nope

87. Tell us about your worst movie experience?

I was watching Into the Woods and OMG the person beside me just kept making fucking comments

88. Have you ever spoiled a movie for someone by accident?

I have been spoiled but I never spoiled

89. Ever spoiled a movie for someone on purpose?

Same answer as above

90. Tell us about a movie that made you feel all the feels?

Piglet’s Big Movie because he really tried and he did *I cry*

91. Pick a movie, any movie. Now tell us your favourite scene?

Anytime Peter says “For Narnia/For Aslan!”

92. What’s the perfect movie time/length? 

2 hours and maybe 20 mins

93. Do you get bored easily during movies?

Nope

94. The worst acting you’ve ever seen in a movie?

Wow. Probably almost every Filipinx actor trying to be cute or cool. I’m from the Philippines guys.

95. Can you think of a movie where one scene had ruined the whole thing?

Mmmm. Not that I can at the moment. Ah! Steve Trevor being alive again. I know it hasn’t happened but ugh.

96. Are you a “tommy texter” during movies, or a “shhh-ing susan”?

Definitely “shhh-ing susan”.

97. Think of a positive movie experience you will never forget?

Not exactly a movie experience but when I was 18, I got tickets for me ad my mom and the one manning the booth was like, “You have to be 16 to watch.” “Oh, I’m 18.” And then when we were entering the place itself, the guard asked “Ma’am, how old are you?” “I’m 18.”

98. A movie or performance you thought deserved an Oscar nomination?

Inception.

99. Best movie soundtrack?

Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed

100. A block-buster movie that deserved all of the hype & more? 

Inception

[ohstardust]

Figure My Heart Out

I prompted myself a little fic about the group seeing The Ferryman on the readers birthday and her being excited over Fra Fee. They all head to a bar, reader gets talking to Fra about his work and Tom gets jealous. It was only supposed to be a short fic when I had no requests. It turned into 3410 words, oops. Oh, and I forgot to make Tom jealous, he’s just cute instead. I promise I’ll get onto my requests asap! TGC playlist can be found here. Title credit; Heart Out by The 1975

“She’s just unbelievable, I’m gonna be late at this rate,” Y/N stressed down the phone, her unusually calm best friend on the receiving end staying stoic for the duration of the young girls meltdown, “Jack’s just texted me and - get this - they’re all early, like what the actual fuck?”

Hannah snickered down the phone, all too aware of the groups track record, “I hate to be sympathetic towards the men, but you did turn down the offer of a lift to the restaurant.” “Yes, thank you Hannah, for pointing that tragic decision out to me, it’s good to know I can count on you in my hour of need.” She hissed, causing more of an amused reaction from her so called ‘friend’. “Well, my little aged drama queen, it’s your lucky day -” “I highly doubt that, and this 'aged' one only has 4 months on you,“ Y/N muttered as she threw the essential cosmetic items into her small red Gucci disco bag and pulled on her black rose print blouse. The few small buttons fastened down the center of the blouse and she arranged it to avoid showing off more than was appropriate. “- I’m 2 minutes away, I predicted your sister’s behaviour and I knew she’d rob you of the whole day no matter how persistent you were probably being, so be ready.” Y/N audibly sighed in relief before sitting on the edge of her unmade bed. Sometimes she was blindsided by how kind hearted her friends could really be, it didn’t matter how godawful her day was going or how stressed she had become, they were always on hand, ready to step in and relieve her from falling apart. “Have I told you lately that I love you and that you’re my best gal pal?” “You may have mentioned it once or twice. Right angelface, I’ll be there asap, so wipe away any mascara marks, get your lippy on and I’ll see you in a few.” “Thanks Han.” The phone was flung onto the bed a moment after Hannah had pressed end on the call and Y/N hastened to fasten the shoes that had been sat on her feet unattended to for the past fifteen minutes.

Fifteen minutes after pick up, the two girls arrived at the restaurant just past Piccadilly Circus underground, a decision Y/N had made based on the location of the theatre for the evenings performance of The Ferryman. She looked on in awe at the sight of her close friends, all of whom she’d only met within the past year, standing from their table with a plethora of balloons and decorations. “Jesus Christ, look at the bloody state of that,” despite her words, Y/N giggled at how thoughtful they had been and the effort made just for her birthday. She wasn’t sure what made her so special but she appreciated it all the same, the love and attention for her even though she always assumed everyone still viewed her as ‘Tom’s sisters best friend’. “Delightful isn’t it?” Her best friend patted her back and waved at the group, pushing the older girl forward towards their party. A round of hugs were exchanged, more ‘Happy Birthday’s than she physically knew how to cope with and a dozen cheek kisses before she could even take her seat between Jack and Harry and directly opposite a relaxed Fionn. Y/N crinkled her eyebrows and surveyed the group, “Wait, is it my birthday or something?” they all began to laugh and snicker at the small joke before she took a sip of the drink that apparently Aneurin so kindly bought for her. She raised it in acknowledgement to the Welsh man and smiled, “Thank you sweetheart.” “You’re more than welcome,” He replied, raising his glass too and clinked it against hers. "So what happened? I thought you were 'making your own way here'," Harry smirked, his eyebrow raised questioningly. "I have a ridiculous sister who flits in and out of my life as she pleases, so it only makes sense that she decides to come back and commandeer me on my birthday, which in turn almost makes me late to the only thing I had planned," Her eyes rolled as she retold the events, still feeling somewhat angry at her sister for being more of a hindrance than anything, "I'm just lucky that Hannah came to my rescue." The Scotsman beside her flung his arm over her shoulders and pulled her into his side, “Well, you've made it here and you're not allowed to think about her for the rest of evening, we're gonna make sure you enjoy yourself, darlin',"

It was just past 7 o'clock when Fionn realised how late it had gotten, he alerted the table and called for the bill. Everyone began to finish off their drinks, the girls heading to the bathrooms to touch up their makeup before they left. "Is everyone good and here?" Barry called out, causing amusement through them all as he began a headcount. "Yeah B, can we leave now, that wine has well and truly gone to my head," Y/N's cheeks were rosy and she started to fan herself as they left the restaurant.

Within 10 mins they were at the Gielgud theatre and she was becoming increasingly more excited as time passed. Although she'd been itching to see the play since she first heard about it months ago, she'd be lying if she said she was more interested in that than seeing her close friend, Tom Glynn-Carney. As far as she was aware, no one had caught onto her interest in him, but that didn't stop her feeling giddy at the thought of seeing the younger man. 'Pull yourself together' she'd often tell herself, scolding her mind for thinking that way about a boy 2 and a half years younger than her. That was not how she worked, she didn't date, or think about, anyone even a day younger than her. That was her number 1 dating rule. Which quite clearly Tom had broken all without knowing. "Tom is still giving me shit for buying tickets for this you know?" Hannah snorted, stuffing her purse back into her bag and slinging it over her shoulder, "He was very insistent that I didn't buy your ticket though, adamant that he wanted you on the list to get in." Y/N's cheeks flushed, unaware that Tom had done that, thinking that her friend had bought her the ticket as a present. "Can he just ask you out, already?" Y/N's steps faltered for a second and her face burned, did she know? Fionn fell into step beside her, "You okay Y/N/N (nickname)? You look like you’re burning up." His face was full of concern as he surveyed the older girls face. "It's probably the wine, I knew I'd drank too much too fast," she simply smiled at her friend, hoping it would ease his worries. The next second Jack stepped closer and put his arm on Y/N's shoulder, leaning behind her and whispering to Fionn, "or it's the hideously massive crush she has on little Tom." She could hear the grin in his voice and she stopped dead causing his footing to stutter. She looked him dead in eye, "I. Hate. You." He continued giving her that dimpled toothy smile and hugged her into his side, "Don't know how the hell ye thought I'd miss that babe, but I didn't," he looked back over at Fionn who was wide eyed, "fooled him though, small mercies and all that." The rest of her friends were making their way through the doors and into their seats. She hastily walked on before turning back to the two men, her eyes narrowing, "Zip it, Lowden. I'll hear no more about it." Y/N was mesmerised by Tom's performance, his talent exuding in waves and she felt so proud of the boy she'd known since birth. Her attention was also captured by Fra Fee & Paddy Considine, two actors she'd been a fan of for a number of years through previous roles on television, film & theatre. She couldn't quite process Tom being in the same production as either of them. That's not to mention Laura Donnelly. As the cast took their bows, their group raucously stood to their feet, clapping and cheering causing a blinding smile from Tom, his cheeks colouring under the stage lights. Y/N’s heart swelled and she cheered a little louder.

Fifteen minutes later Tom was exiting the stage door to a barrage of fans, screaming for him and sticking their phones in the air. The group made sure to stand in a more secluded area just around the corner on Rupert Street, away from the prying eyes of the swarms on Winnett Street. The September air still retaining a hint of warmth despite the time nearing eleven o’clock. Y/N turned to face Fionn and Barry, engaging in a conversation that would distract her from watching Tom and the way he was so kind and patient with everyone he met. The butterflies in her stomach causing her to feel a little nauseous, it was only as she saw him again for the first time in 2 months that she realised how much her feelings had increased. And she was very fucking unhappy about it, thank you. She could feel the constant gaze of Jack, constantly checking that she was okay as he noticed her literally turning her back on Tom and she almost wanted to apologise for being stern with him, immediately realising there was more bite in their last conversation than she’d intended. It’s just, at twenty-five years old, she didn’t find the humour in being teased, it was old and childish and she just wanted a relationship instead of feeling like a teenager with a silly crush. With or without her younger friend. The next time she felt his eyes land on her, she lifted her head and mouthed an ‘I’m sorry’ at him. Jack just shook his head and smiled, settling back into a conversation with Aneurin. It’d take a lot more than that to ruin their friendship. A moment or two later, post-joke from Barry that had Y/N and Fionn in fits of laughter, she felt the strong embrace of another from behind her, the weight of a head as it rested on her shoulder, “Happy birthday, angel.” Her laughter had halted almost immediately but she could still feel her lips upturn in a soft smile. Y/N turned in his grip and threw her arms around his neck, grasping him tight, “I’ve missed you,” He whispered just before he pulled back and kissed her cheek. “Missed you too.” “Tommo!” Harry called out before slapping a hand over his mouth, “Shit, I didn’t think that through, hopefully no one heard that,” he warily scanned the area before realising they were in the clear. Tom stepped forward and slapped him on the arm laughing, ‘Bloody idiot,” he hugged Harry and made his way around the rest of the group. “Shall we make a move?” Hannah questioned, already advancing in the direction of the club just across the street that they had decided on. “Not much say in the matter really, is there” Fionn’s eyebrows raised as he started after her, causing them all to move. Tom hung back to fall beside Y/N, their feet moving in sync, “I hope you don’t mind but I invited some of the lads to join us, I know that Fra’s coming at least,” her eyes widened as she looked to Tom, “What?” “Fra? As in Fra Fee?” He started to laugh as soon as he remembered, “Oh bloody hell, I forgot that you’re a fan.” “Well, what a happy birthday indeed.”

“First round’s on me, lads,” Jack called over the music, “Just tell the lass here what ye’ want.” Y/N smirked at the look Jack gave the bartender as she set to work on the drinks order. “A bit into her are ye’?” “Shut the fuck up, Y/N/N, go and suck face with loverboy instead.” Y/N laughed and patted his shoulder before she left to join the group where Tom was introducing Fra. “And this one here is the birthday girl,” Tom gestured to her as she stood beside Hannah, “Fra this is Y/N, Y/N I’m pretty sure you know who this is,” the bastard grinned into his drink, silently laughing. “Ah, the infamous Y/N, I’ve heard all about you from this one,’ ah lovely, at least that shut Tom up momentarily she thought, his face had paled and he took a few more sips of his drink to brush it off. Fra took her hand in his and pressed a kiss to the back of her hand, “Happy birthday, my love,” The ever-growing group made their way to a large booth, the one that had been reserved for their party, and they all sat with Fra landing beside the birthday girl. With everyone immediately immersing themselves in conversation, she was elated that she would actually get to talk to someone who she had really admired for a while and lamely launched into how her favourite musical, and piece of theatre, is Les Miserables, knowing he’d played multiple characters over the years. “It’s just the most rewarding show though, y‘know? Sometimes I wish I could go back to it, especially performing at the theatre next door to it like I am now. I do miss it,” He looked slightly mournful but shook his head. “I mean, look at Killian, he’s done it so who knows what the future holds, eh?” “Quite right,” He knocked back some of his drink before smiling and continuing, “that’s not to say I don’t love what I’m doing now. There’s something so magical about theatre compared to film though.” “Tom said something vaguely similar, said there’s nothing quite like the thrill of the stage. Or somethin’,” Y/N stole a look over at the blonde haired boy to see him glancing over and grinned at him. She turned back to Fra when she heard his voice, “Tom never mentioned how much of a Mis fan you are.” “Is it weird? Please just tell me to shut up if it is, sometimes my really nerdy side comes out.” ”God no, it’s interesting, that’s all, nice to talk to someone who understands it.” Y/N finished the next drink and within seconds Barry was stood with his wallet in hand, “What ye’ ‘avin’, love?” “Surprise me, B.” Grinning she rested her head atop of Fra’s shoulder, already starting to feel merry again, “Please tell me we’ve bonded and that officially makes us friends?” “Damn right it does.” She felt the older man’s laugh vibrate through her head and she felt content with her friendships. Unbeknownst to her, Tom was watching the pair very carefully, hardly taking in a word Fionn was saying.

An hour or two later, who’s really counting?, the group were in the middle of the dancefloor, moving to There Is a Light That Never Goes Out by The Smiths and Y/N had sought out Jack to dance with for the sheer hilarity of the music. “Ye’ think ye’ so bloody funny, don’t ye’?” Jack rolled his eyes as she began moving his arms and singing along to the song. “It’s because I am, c’mon Steven, woo me with your vocals.” She teased. “You absolutely should not be able to see any of my work, you monster.” “Spoil sport,” she childishly poked her tongue out at him, and instead settled her eyes on Tom. To die by your side, is such a heavenly way to die “You’d be less obvious if you just went over there and told ‘im.” Y/N smacked Jack away and grumbled, “You’ve lost your mind in your old age, Lowden.” “Will you please just tell him? How Hannah hasn’t smacked ye’ both is beyond me.” As soon as the words had been uttered, Hannah had snuck up behind the pair, “I’ll tell you Jack, it’s been a fucking struggle,” the younger girl turned her head to Y/N and looked her dead in the eyes, “Just ask my brother out, would you? You’re both boring me now and I’m losing the will to live.” ‘C’mon Hannah, let’s leave her to stew,” the Scot took the other girls arm in his and walked away, leaving Y/N to stand there dumbfounded and a little irritated. Can everyone please just piss off? Her head was bowed when Tom’s unmistakable voice flowed in front of her, “My turn for a dance yet?”. She caught the hopeful look on his face and nodded, “Anything for you, babe.” The opening notes of Set the Fire to the Third Bar rang out through the venue and Y/N’s head tipped back, revelling in the music, her arms wrapped around Tom’s neck, “God, I love this song so much.” “I know, that’s why I requested it for you.” There was a missed beat of her heart before she softly smiled at the boy, man, in front of her. She realised just how much he had grown up, how quickly time was racing by and she didn’t know how to slow it down, even just for a few moments. “You look so beautiful tonight, y’know that?” Y/N shook her head and blushed, “I mean, you always do, but you really look divine tonight. I’m so happy I’m getting to spend your birthday with you.” “Tom, what are you doing?” the woman sighed and closed her eyes, she was in no mood to deal with him being so sensitive and loving, it wasn’t fair. She didn’t deserve her heart being played with on her sodding birthday of all days. “What do you mean ‘what am I doing?’, can’t I give you compliment?” He weakly laughed but looked confused all the same. Her expression grew weary, as did her voice, and she glanced around the room before wetting her lips and looking back at him nervously, “Not anymore you can’t.” The boy’s face dropped and his hands left her body, his mouth gaped slightly and he looked like he hadn’t got the faintest idea what had just happened. “I don’t - what? – I don’t understand,” Tom had one hand placed on the left side of his lower back and the other running through his hair, his tongue working over his lips, “What have I said, or done, wrong?” “I really can’t do this anymore, Tom. I can’t pretend that we’re just friends when I want more from you than you’re probably willing to give me. It’s been going on too long.” She realised she’d said more than she intended to, but couldn’t help the sigh of relief once the words were out there, between them, floating around the air and out of her system. For a moment Y/N thought she’d maybe been subtle enough for him not to understand but that thought was squashed all too quickly. “Are you trying to tell me what I hope you are?” Tom placed a hand on her cheek, this thumb running over her skin as she closed her eyes. “I really hope so,” she whispered, Tom barely able to make out the words as he watched her mouth. Throwing all caution to the wind, Tom pressed his lips to hers causing her eyes to fly open and then slowly slip shut again. Her mind couldn’t process anything else other than the feeling of Tom surrounding her as they moved in time with the music, her breath hitching when he caught her bottom lip between his teeth and his hands slipped behind her neck. “Shit Thomas, I didn’t know you had that in you.” Her breathing had grown more ragged as had his, their foreheads rested against one another’s and ridiculous grins broke out on their faces. “There’s still so much you don’t know about me, Y/N. I’m not that little boy anymore.” “Trust me, I know.” He stuttered as she pushed his body flush against hers and quickly understood her meaning. “Cheeky. Reckon you’ll need any more proof?” “A lot more.” She whispered against his lips before capturing his again, I guess silly birthday wishes do sometimes come true. Their moving bodies were lost in a sea of people, however their friends had all managed to catch the supposedly intimate declaration between the two. And if it meant that they’d be in for a lot of stick tomorrow from their group, well, so be it.