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loveistherootofhappiness · 5 years ago

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#12 surprised date while working late....911 Bobby and athena

I was finally able to get around to writing this. Sorry about the lateness. I’m not going to preface it too much and just let you read it. I hope you like it! Thank you for prompting me.

Fandom: 9-1-1 Paring: Bathena Rating: General Word Count: 1911

“Hey, it’s Valentine’s Day. I just wanted to tell her that I loved her,” Silverman said cheekily, as Athena’s handcuffed the struggling man with ease and placed him In Clark’s squad car.

“Of course you did. Just like you have the last 6000 times this month.” Athena rolled her eyes at the man, annoyed that this was the 4th time this week she was arresting him. “Do you know what the words restraining order mean?”

“Oh, come on, she didn’t mean that! She was just playing,” looking past her he see the complainant, Brittni, standing on the sidewalk talking with one of the other officers, “tell ‘em, baby, tell ‘em that I love you. You didn’t mean all those things-“ Athena, having heard this speech way too many times this week, closed the door.

She could still hear his muffled words of “affection” as she walked away. Before walking to her squad car, she walked where Brittni stood talking to Derek. “When we take him in this time, leave him there.” Brittni had the good sense to look sheepish and gave a nod. Athena nodded back choosing not to say anything else and praying that she heads her warning this time. She gave a look to Derek and patted him on the shoulder before walking back to her own squad car.

She spotted her young protege, Braxton, leaning against the hood, giving her a hand clap as she walked to the car. “Nicely done, Sarg.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Unfortunately, it’s all in vain. Knowing these two, we’ll be back.” Athena told her as she got into the driver’s side.

“I bet you lunch tomorrow, he’ll bail out and be back here by the end of the day today,” Braxton flopped down in the passenger seat, “today is Love Day, after all. Makes people do the most.”

“I’m not even going to take you up on that because I know it’s a losing battle.” Athena gazed out at the young woman, “now if only the two of them could figure that out.”

Braxton chuckled and was about to comment when the beeping of her phone caught her attention. She fished the device out of her pocket and smiled when she saw the text notification over the lock screen photo of her family.

From: Mr. Sarg 🙃 Does she suspect anything?

Braxton smiled down at her phone as she thought fondly about Bobby’s plan. She stole a look at Athena, who was currently concentrating on writing notes on her tablet. She knew that Bobby kept this solely between the two of them and she hadn’t told anyone.

Nah, she has no idea.😉

After replying, she closed her messages and went to the notes app, to read over the plan once more. She thought it was sweet, what Bobby was doing for them tonight and she was happy to be involved.

“Is there a reason you’re smiling so much over there?” Braxton startled a bit at the sound of Athena’s voice. She looked up to see her Sergeant eyeing her questioningly.

“Oh yeah, Jay sent me some cute pictures of her cuddling with the pups and some loving messages,” Braxton lied smoothly as she locked her phone and dropped in her lap.

Athena’s gazed at the young rookie, questioning whether or not she believed her. Braxton steeled herself with another line of questioning when,

“All available units, back up requested in Lincoln Heights. Domestic dispute turned hostage situation, suspect appears to be armed.”

“That’s like the next ‘hood over from here.”

Athena flopped her head back against the seat and sighed audibly, “love day, my ass,” she grumbled. Picking up her radio, she responded, “dispatch, unit 212 responding, we’re in route now.”

“Today’s so fun. I love working on Holidays,” Braxton joked. Athena just eyed her as she put the car in gear and drove towards the next call. As much as they disliked it, rise in domestics and similar calls was par for the course on holidays, especially Valentine’s Day.

That’s how the rest of the day went. Their shift was full of domestics and extravagant gestures gone wrong. As the evening settled into night, things started to wind down and they were just patrolling, nothing happening except a couple or routine traffic stops. That was normal though. There was always an “an eye in the storm” so to speak, before the craziness picked back up again.

“It’s almost your break time, Sarg.” Braxton commented as they rode through the streets.

“Is it? I didn’t even notice. The hours tend to run together on these type of days.” She stifled a yawn as she rubbed her eyes. It didn’t matter how long she’d been doing this, she’d never be used to these type of days, especially when she had someone she’d rather be spending her time with.

She opened her phone to the love filled message that Bobby sent her at the start of her shift this afternoon, rereading the words as she had several times today. He’d left her a rose and a well made breakfast this morning, the only time they were able to “interact” all day. Every time she thought about sneaking off to visit him another call would come in. She hoped they would run into each other, but their paths didn’t cross today.

“Whatcha thinking about?” Braxton asked, interrupting her train of thought.

“Just that I’d rather be spending time with my husband right now.”

“I feel you.” Braxton said as she sent quick texts to Bobby and Elaine.

To: Mr. Sarg 🙃 Everything all set on your end?

From: Mr. Sarg 🙃 All set.

Braxton was excited. She couldn’t wait to see the look on her face.

To: Cap Laney 👮🏻♀️ Hey, everything’s a go, if it’s still all good with you?

From: Cap Laney 👮🏻♀️ It is. Tell Athena she can have 45 minutes for this one.

It’s was amazing how lenient their captain was about us spending time with loved ones. As long as they didn’t go overboard and were still monitoring the radio, meeting up with a friend or family member during shift breaks was fine.

All she needed to do now was let her friend in dispatch know. “Where do you wanna go to eat? Oh, since we’re in Koreatown there’s really good place on-"

“Report of suspicious activity in Grand Park, limited information known at this time, any available units in the area?” Braxton stifled her giggle as she heard her superior cursing under her breath.

“Unit 212 responding.” Athena answered.

“Might be nothing.” Braxton kept up the unassuming facade.

“Doubt it. This is probably the start of the second wave.”

“We’ll see.”

It took them less then 10 minutes to arrive at the park. As they scanned the area the park was a little less lively than during the day, but the people they did see weren’t doing anything that could be considered suspicious. Athena and Braxton decided to check the areas that were a little less lit and quieter to make sure nothing was going on there.

As she walked across the lawn, Athena felt a firm hand grab her shoulder. Wasting no time, she grabbed her gun and rounded on the unknown person, knowing that it wasn’t her partner. She soon found herself pointing her gun at her husband.

“Bobby! What the hell? I could’ve shot you! What are you doing here? I thought you were at work?” Athena asked frantically as her heart pounded. She looked over at her partner to find her laughing.

“Okay, maybe getting your attention that way wasn’t the smartest idea.”

“You think?!” Athena put her gun back in the holster, “but that still doesn’t answer my question.”

“A little birdie told me that this was your break time today, so I thought I’d surprise you with a little lunch date. While you had the time.” Bobby grabbed her hand and led her over to a near by picnic table that had a candles, flowers, and a meal for two set up on it.

“How?” Athena asked as the wheels kept turning in her head.

“He and I have been setting this up for the last few days.”

“I contacted Braxton when I found out that we wouldn’t be able to see each other for yet another holiday. She said she could set something up.”

“Most of this was his idea. I just made sure that everything went the way it was supposed to. Surprise!”

Athena said nothing in response as she let it all settle in her mind. “So the call?”

“Dispatch was in on it. So was the rest of the shift. They knew were the only ones that was supposed to respond to it.”

“Wait the entire shift was in on this?” Athena asked.

“Yep, Cap too. She also told me to tell you that you can have 45 minutes for this one. Well, I’m gonna leave you guys to it. See ya Sarg, Mr. Sarg, I’m gonna go have some Korean fried chicken and call my wife to tell her about this. See you in 45.” Braxton walked away before Athena could get another word in.

“You know the Mr. Sarg thing is starting to grow on me, makes me think about that discussion we had about me taking your last name,” He looked to see Athena’s eyes squinted at him, “what? Robert Carter does have a nice ring to it.”

Turning towards her husband, she smacked him in the chest, “that’s for keeping this from me and doing all this,” and leaning on her tip toes she kissed him deeply, “and that’s doing for all this”

When her lips left his, she wrapped her arms around him, reveling in the feel of him, his scent. All things aside, she loved having this moment with him. “That’s the point of a surprise date. For it to be a surprise, what I supposed to do? Tell you. You’re just mad that everyone else was in on it except you.” She was, but she wasn’t going to say it out loud.

“Let me guess, the 118 knows, too.”

“Yeah, they know where I am and what I’m doing. Hen’s in charge while I snuck away to meet you.” He grabbed her chin and brought her lips up to meet his, “now can we eat?”

Wordlessly, she picked a side of the table and he sat across her. She removed the cover from the dish and was assaulted by the delicious smells underneath. She had to admit she was impressed by the number of hoops he went through to make this happen. Not even giving away a hint as to what he was planning. She loved him for it.

“I love you. Thank you for this.”

“I love you, too. We’ve barely seen each other or spent much alone time together these past few months . It’s Valentine’s Day, there was no way I wasn't going this whole day without seeing you again.”

“You make this whole scheme sound so simple.”

“It was. I wanted to spend time with you today. I was going to to make that happen, schedules and even a couple regulations be damned. Simple as that.” Bobby told her with conviction.

She let the air of finality be just that as she shifted the conversation and just focused on being in the moment with him. These 45 minutes were going to be over sooner than either of them wanted.

#bathena #athena grant #bobby nash #bobby x athena #911 #prompt fill #prompt response #fanfic writing hell #krl912 #fanfic asks #idk how i feel this #but its finished #i hope you like it

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amoralto · 6 years ago

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Q: Paul McCartney: An Innocent Man? (October, 1986)

(Note: I’ve posted so many quotes and audio clips from this interview in the past (#interviewer: chris salewicz), I may as well post the entire printed interview as well. Still remains one of my very favourite Paul interviews - candid, emotionally fraught, brimming with preoccupations, and all the more revealing for it.

Paul McCartney curls up on the couch and relives the Beatles’ story for the first time since the death of John Lennon. “He was one great guy, but part of his greatness was that he wasn’t a saint.”

by Chris Salewicz

Paul McCartney is 44. He was 20 when his first composition appeared on record. Today he’s just returned from remixing a second single from his new LP Press To Play, his 27th solo or group studio album in 24 years.

He’s sitting on a sofa on the second floor of the building in Central London from which he directs his activities. Outside, on this sunny early afternoon, lie the neatly trimmed lawns of Soho Square; inside a forest of deco mahogany woodwork, a De Kooning on the wall and a chrome and neon-garlanded Wurlitzer jukebox of quite archetypal proportions and splendour. He’s wearing fawn moccasins, yellow socks, and a blue and white striped shirt and trousers and, despite the omnipresent grey hair, he looks in immensely good shape for someone who was still in the studio at three in the morning.

Part of McCartney’s agility as a communicator has been the paradoxical mastery of revealing nothing whatsoever of himself to journalists. This was particularly notable during the interviews he gave for Give My Regards To Broad Street, an almost unprecedented barrage of publicity in which it seemed that the more people he spoke to, the less he said. This was perhaps connected with a comprehension of the transparent unsubstantiality of the work. “Broad Street?” he says now. “You don’t stop things just because they’re not good; if you’ve done a bit of work, you put it out. I mean, if Picasso’s painted a thing…”

Today, however, on this Friday afternoon, Paul McCartney is immensely forthcoming. Possibly this is a reflection of the confidence he feels in his new LP, a work that stands almost on a par with Band On The Run, his finest solo record and one which, in many ways, seems to have a direct conduit to post-Sgt. Pepper Beatles albums.

The interview has a relaxed, conversational tone with no sense of formally structured questions and answers. In the cold light of print, his replies can occasionally take on a tone that seems almost petty in its self-justification, but such an emphasis is completely absent when he’s delivering these words to you in person.

The principle strength of the new LP is the quality of the songs, six of which McCartney co-wrote with Eric Stewart, the former 10cc singer and writer of such classics as ‘I’m Not In Love’, a song that is almost a parody of a McCartney love ballad.

The numbers were written, he says, in the manner in which he would work with John Lennon, sitting side-by-side, watching each other search for appropriate chords.

You’ve been in the studio all night re-mixing tracks from the new album for single release. How do you feel about the new LP?

I like it. I have a lot of trouble saying, ‘I think it’s great.’ I wish I was just a fan and I could genuinely like it without seeming wildly immodest. I can’t be objective yet. It’s going to take me a couple of months. I can listen to McCartney, I can just listen to that. I like that one; it’s growing on me. It’s a touchy subject. You’ve done a thing and there it is, it’s your presentation. You mean to get every bit of it right.

So how do you react to criticism?

When I see bad reviews, it’ll hurt me. I am giving myself a bit easier time in life these days. I’ve gone through so much criticism, and not just from critics. From people like John, over so many things, that like a fool I just stood there and said, ‘Yeah, you must be right.’ All those things I was said to be the cause of, I just accepted that I was to blame. I’m beginning to see it a bit differently now. I’m beginning to see a lot of what they say is their problem, not mine.

John was going through a lot of pain when he said a lot of that stuff, and he felt that we were being vindictive towards him and Yoko. In fact I think we were quite good, looking back on it; many people would’ve just downed tools in a situation like that, would’ve just said: ‘Look man, she’s not sitting on our amps while we’re making a film.’ That wouldn’t be unheard of. Most people just say, ‘We’re not having this person here, don’t care how much you love her.’

But we were actually quite supportive. Not supportive enough, you know; it would have been nice to have been really supportive because then we could look back and say, Weren’t we really terrific? But looking back on it, I think we were OK. We were never really that mean to them, but I think a lot of the time John suspected meanness where it wasn’t really there.

He was presumably fairly paranoid.

I think so. He warned me off Yoko once: ‘Look, this is my chick!’ Just because he knew my reputation. We knew each other rather well. I just said, ‘Yeah, no problem.’ But I did feel he ought to have known I wouldn’t. That was John; just a jealous guy. He was a paranoid guy. And he was into drugs … heavy. He was into heroin, the extent of which I hadn’t realised, till just now.

It’s all starting to click a bit in my brain. I just figured, Oh, there’s John, my buddy, and he’s turning on me. He once said to me, ‘Oh, they’re all on the McCartney bandwagon.’ Yet things like that were hurting him, and looking back on it now I just think that it’s a bit sad really.

I saw that thing in The Observer the other week, about the manuscript of the Apple Beatles biography and the vitriolic comments John made in the margins.

I think that shows the sort of pain he was going through. Look, he was a great guy, great sense of humour and I’d do it all again. I’d go through it all again, and have him slagging me off again just because he was so great; those are all the down moments, there was much more pleasure than has really come out. I had a wonderful time, with one of the world’s most talented people. We had all that craziness, but if someone took one of your wedding photos and put ‘funeral’ on it, as he did on that manuscript, you’d tend to feel a bit sorry for the guy. I’ll tell you what, if I’d ever done that to him, he would’ve just hit the roof. But I just sat through it all like mild-mannered Clark Kent.

This was hurting you, presumably.

Not half.

When did you actually get a perspective on it?

I still haven’t. It’s still inside me. John was lucky. He got all his hurt out. I’m a different sort of a personality. There’s still a lot inside me that’s trying to work it out. And that’s why it’s good to see that wedding-funeral bit, because I started to think, ‘Wait a minute, this is someone who’s going over the top. This is paranoia manifesting itself.’ And so my feeling is just like it was at the time, which is like, He’s my buddy, I don’t really want to do anything to hurt him, or his memory, or anything. I don’t want to hurt Yoko. But, at the same time, it doesn’t mean that I understand what went down.

I went at Yoko’s request to New York recently. She said she wanted to see me, I said I was going through New York and so I stopped off and rang her, and she said she couldn’t see me that day. I was 400 yards away from her. I said, ‘Well, I’ll pop over any time today; five minutes, ten minutes, whenever you can squeeze me in.’ She said. ‘It’s going to be very difficult.’ I said, ‘Well, OK, I understand; what is the reason, by the way?’ She said, ‘I was up all night with Sean.’ I said, ‘Well, I understand that. I’ve got four kids, you know. But you’re bound to have a minute today, sometime.’

She asked me to come. I’d flown in specially to see her, and she wouldn’t even see me. So I felt a little humiliated, but I said, ‘OK, 9.30 tomorrow morning, let’s make an appointment.’ She rang up at about 9.00 and said, ‘Could you make it tomorrow morning?’

So that’s the kind of thing. I’m beginning to think it wasn’t all my fault. I’m beginning to let myself off a lot of the guilt. I always felt guilty, but looking back on it I can say OK, let’s try and outline some things. John was hurt; what was he hurt by? What is the single biggest thing that we can find in all our research that hurt John? And the biggest thing that I can find is that I told the world that The Beatles were finished. I don’t think that’s so hurtful.

I’ll tell you what was unfortunate was the method of announcing it all. I said to the guy at the office. Peter Brown, of book fame, I’ve got an album coming out called McCartney. And I don’t really want to see too much press. Can you do me some question-and-answer things?

So he sent all those questions over and I answered them all. We had them printed up and put in the press copies of the album. It wasn’t a number. I see it now and shudder. At the time it was me trying to answer some questions that were being asked and I decided not to fudge those questions.

We didn’t accept Yoko totally, but how many groups do you know who would? It’s a joke, like Spinal Tap. You know, I loved John, I was his best mate for a long time. Then the group started to break up. It was very sad. I got the rap as the guy who broke the group up. It wasn’t actually true.

But legally you had to do that to get out of the contract with Allen Klein, didn’t you?

Yeah, legally I had to. I had to take the other Beatles to court. And I got a lot of guilt off that. But you tell me what you would have done if the entire earnings that you’d made — and it was something like The Beatles’ entire earnings, a big figure, everything we’d ever done up to somewhere round about ‘Hey Jude’ — was about to disappear into someone’s pocket. The guy I’m talking about, Allen Klein, had £5 million the first year he managed The Beatles. So I smelled a rat and thought, £5 million in one year, how long’s it going to take him to get rid of it all?

So I started to resist, and I was given a lot of pressure. The others said, ‘Oh, you’re always stalling’ when I kept refusing to sign Klein’s contract.

But the others suspected you of looking after number one by wanting to bring in your wife’s family as managers.

Obviously everyone worried that because it was my father-in-law, I’d be the one he’d look after. Quite naturally, they said, ‘No, we can’t have him.’ So in the end it turned out to be Klein. And I said, ‘Well, I want out of this. I want to sue this guy Klein.’

They said, ‘You can’t, because he’s not party to any of the agreements.’ So it became clear that I had to sue The Beatles. So obviously I became the baddie. I did take The Beatles to the High Court, which was a highly traumatic period for me, living to front that one out. Imagine, seriously, having to front that one out.

How did you feel through all that?

Crazy, just insane. So insecure. Half the reason I grew the beard.

People often put hair on their faces to hide.

It’s often a cover-up. And I had this big beard and I went to the High Court and actually managed to save the situation. But my whole life was on the line at that point. I felt this was the fire, this was the furnace. It had finally arrived. And we used to get shakes in our voices in court. We used to get the Nixon shakes, something we’d never ever had before. So we went through a lot of those problems. But the nice thing was afterwards each one of them in turn very, very quietly and very briefly said, ‘Oh, thanks for that.’ That was about all I ever heard about it.

But again, John turned it round. He said, ‘But you’re always right, aren’t you?’ See, there was always this thing. I mean, it seemed crazy for me because I thought the idea was to try and get it right, you know. It was quite surprising to find that if you did get it right, people could then turn that one around and say: ‘But you’re always right aren’t you?’ It’s like moving the goal posts.

I mean, it occurred quite a few times because I’m pretty ruthless, ambitious, all that stuff. No more than anyone trying to break into showbiz, but I can be pretty forceful. If we’ve gotta make a record, I’ll actually sit down and write songs. This could be interpreted as being overpowering and forceful.

I’d heard that you were the driving force of The Beatles, but that John would be more interested in doing anything but what The Beatles were supposed to be doing.

Yeah, I remember doing Let It Be and we sat around the table in Apple and I came up with this idea that we should get it on film. I remember John said, ‘Why? What for?’ I explained a bit more. He said, ‘I get it. You want a job!’ Yeah, that’s it! But it seemed strange to me that he didn’t. He seemed quite happy languishing out in St George’s Hill in Weybridge.

I always wanted to make the group great, and even greater. When we made the Let It Be album, and it was a bit crummy, I insisted that we made Abbey Road because I knew what we were capable of. I didn’t think that we’d pulled it off on Let It Be and then with the Phil Spector remix, we kinda walked away from that LP. In fact, the best version of it was before anyone got hold of it: the Glyn Johns early mixes were great but they were very spartan; it would be one of the hippest records going if they brought it out. Before it had all its raw edges off it, that was one of the best Beatles albums because it was a bit avant-garde. I loved it.

So then it was Abbey Road we were doing and I got some grief on that because it took three days to do ‘Maxwell’s Silver Hammer’. You know how long Trevor Horn takes to do a mix for Frankie Goes to Hollywood? It takes two days to switch on the Fairlight! I had a group in the other day, spent two days trying to find the ON switch! That’s what we’re into these days, you know.

I’m sure I did piss people off at the time, much as I tried not to. It just seemed to me when we had a session booked it was a cool idea to turn up. Like Sgt. Pepper: George turned up for his number and a couple of other sessions but not for very much else.

George was supposed to have resented you for always getting on his back.

He did resent it. Two examples; one on Abbey Road. I was beginning to get too producery for everyone. George Martin was the actual producer and I was beginning to be too definite, and George and Ringo turned around and said, ‘Look, piss off, we’re grown-ups and we can do it without you fine.’ People like me who don’t realise when they’re being very overbearing, it comes as a great surprise to be told.

So I completely clammed up and backed off: right, ‘OK, they’re right, I’m a turd.’ So a day or so went by and the session started to flag a bit and so eventually Ringo turned round to me and said, ‘Come on… produce’, and so it was like you couldn’t have it both ways. You either had to have me doing what I did, which, let’s face it, I hadn’t done too bad, or I was going to back off and become paranoid myself, which was what happened.

A lot of Wings was to do with that; I’d been told that I was so overbearing. If the guitarists in Wings wanted to play a solo a certain way, I wouldn’t dare tell them that it wasn’t good.

The other example that really pissed George off was when we were making ‘Hey Jude’. To me it had to have a sparse opening and it was going to build. So I started off ‘Hey Jude’ (sings) and George went ‘durnurnawnaww’ (makes guitar noise), and then ‘Don’t make it bad’, and he’d go ‘Derdlederlederdle’ and he was answering every line through the whole song and I just said, ‘No, man, I really don’t want that, it’s my song.’ The rule was whoever’s song it was to say how we did the arrangement for them.

That pissed him off, and I’m sure it pissed Ringo off when he couldn’t quite get the drums to ‘Back In The U.S.S.R.’, and I sat in. I remember sitting for hours thinking, ‘Should I say this thing?’ In the end it always came down to, ‘You should have said something,’ so it’s very hard to balance that. In the end I have to say that sometimes I was overbearing and sometimes they liked it.

Do you have much to do with them now?

I’m just starting to get back with them. It’s all business troubles. If we don’t talk about Apple then we get on like a house on fire. So I’ve just started to see them again. I had a great day the other day when George came down to visit me and for the first time in billions of years we had a really nice time. George was my original mate in The Beatles.

More than John?

He lived near me in Upton Green and I lived in Ardwick Road, and it was like half a mile away, so we took the same bus to the same school — the 500, which was the express — and then we got guitars at about the same time. We went through the Bert Weedon books and learned D and A together and we were quite big buddies then, so that was something I’d missed for all these years. We’d got all professional and Beatles and everything, and you lose that obviously, and he just came down the other day and we didn’t talk about Apple and we didn’t touch an instrument. It was just back as mates, like on the bus. He’s very into trees and planting and horticulture, as I am more now, and so we talked about planting trees. It was great to actually relate as two people and try and get all that crap out the window.

But that seems to be part of the process; he seems to be emerging more now anyway.

We’re all kind of coming to. We all brushed off this whole Beatles episode and sort of said, Well, it’s no big deal. Obviously it’s a big deal… it was a huge deal… if there ever was a big deal, that was it! So I don’t think half of us know what happened to us, really. I can never tell you what year anything was; literally they all go into a haze for me, the years and stuff. I keep seeing pictures of myself shaking hands with Mitzi Gaynor and I think, I didn’t know I met her. It’s that vague. And yet I look as straight as a die in there.

Were you on speed or something?

I don’t think so. I think it was just that life was speeding; you just met Mitzi Gaynor for five minutes and then you’d go and meet Jerry Lewis’s kids. It becomes very difficult after a while to know if you met 50 of them. I keep seeing weird photos of me with people that I didn’t even know I’d met. It’s quite embarrassing. Bowie’s got that problem too; he’s got huge periods of his life where he just does not know what happened.

When the money started to come in, were you aware of that or were you just living your life and you’d hear suddenly you were worth so much?

We used to ask them, ‘Am I a millionaire yet?’ and they used to say cryptic things like ‘On paper you are’ and we’d say, ‘Well, what does that mean? Am I or aren’t I? Are there more than a million of those green things in my bank yet?’ and they’d say, ‘Well, it’s not actually in a bank… we think you are.’ It was actually very difficult to get anything out of these people and the accountants never made you feel successful.

I remember we had the whole top five in America and I decided I wanted to buy a country house. I wasn’t asking for the world. In those days it would have cost about £30,000, top whack, and so I went to the accountants and they said, ‘You’ll have to get a mortgage’ and I said, ‘What do you mean, a mortgage? Aren’t we doing well yet? We’ve got the whole top five in the biggest market in the world! There’s gotta be some money coming in off that!’

They always try and keep you down. So you didn’t actually get much of a feeling of being very rich. The first time I actually saw cheques was when I left Apple, and it wasn’t me that saw them, it was Linda, because we’d co-written a few of our early things.

There are lots of stories about you and money. Miles, once the editor of International Times, who was a friend of yours in the mid-‘60s, told me about finding your MBE and a bunch of £20 notes stuffed into a sock drawer in your bedroom at the Asher house.

Yeah, I’ve heard that story too. I never remember actually having a wad of money like that. Still, it was nice of him not to nick it anyway, wasn’t it? I did know Miles very well. He was my mate. We had many a wondrous stoned evening in his place listening to all sorts of stuff.

That was another of the interesting things. I think that I’ve got a certain personality and if I give charity I don’t like to shout about it. If I get into avant-garde stuff, I don’t particularly shout about that either. I just get on with it. So way before John met Yoko and got avant-garde, I was like the avant-garde London bachelor with Miles in my pad in St. John’s Wood. I was making 8mm movies and showing them to Antonioni. I had all sorts of theories of music — we’d put on a Ravi Shankar record to our home movies and it’d synchronise and John used to come from Weybridge, kind of looking slightly goofy and saying ‘Wow! This is great! We should do more of this!’

I used to sit in a basement in Montagu Square with William Burroughs and a couple of gay guys he knew from Morocco and that Marianne Faithfull-John Dunbar crowd doing little tapes, crazy stuff with guitar and cello. But it didn’t occur to me in the next NME interview I did to rave about William Burroughs. Maybe it would have been good for me to do that.

It’s like Yoko met me before she met John. She turned up for a charity thing, she wanted manuscripts, any spare lyric sheets you had around. Ours tended to be on the backs of envelopes and to tell you the truth I didn’t want to give her any. They were very precious to me and the cause didn’t seem so great. So I said, ‘Look, my mate might be interested,’ and I gave her John’s address, and I think that’s how they first hooked up, and then she had her exhibition and stuff and then their side of the story started to happen.

I feel as though I have to justify living, you know, which is a bit of a piss-off. I don’t really want to have to sit around and justify myself; it’s a bit humiliating. But there are lots of things that haven’t come out. For instance, when they bust up their marriage, she came through London. He was in LA doing Pussy Cats with Nilsson and having a generally quite crazy time of it all, fighting with photographers and haranguing the Smothers Brothers, all because he genuinely loved Yoko and they had a very, very deep, strong relationship, but they were into all sorts of crazy stuff, stuff I don’t know the half of. A lot of people don’t know the half of that. Hints of it keep coming out in books but you never know if you can believe them.

You mean occultism?

All sorts. I certainly did get a postcard from Yoko saying ‘Go round the world in a South-Easterly direction. It’d be good for you. You’re allowed to stop at four places.’ George Martin got one of those and he sort of said, ‘Would it be alright if I go to Montserrat?’, and she said, ‘No.’ Actually, John did the voyage. John went in a South-Easterly direction around the world, but we all kind of went, ‘Sure, sure, we’ll go round the South-East.’ There are so many memories that come flooding in and it’s like a psycho session, the minute I get on this stuff. I’m on a couch and I’m just trying to purge it all.

Linda and me came over for dinner once and John said, ‘You fancy getting the trepanning tiling done?’ I said, ‘Well, what is it?’ and he said, ‘Well, you kind of have a hole bored in your skull and it relieves the pressure.’ We’re sitting at dinner and this is seriously being offered! Now this wasn’t a joke, this was like, ‘Let’s go next week, we know a guy who can do it and maybe we could all go together.’ So I said. ‘Look, you go and have it done, and if it works, great. Tell us all about it and we’ll all have it.’

But I’m afraid I’ve always been a little bit cynical about stuff like that — thank God! — because I think that there’s so much crap that you’ve got to be careful of. But John was more open to things like that.

Anyway, I was telling you about the marriage break-up thing. Yoko came through London and visited us, which was very nice. Linda and I were just married and living in this big old house in St John’s Wood. She came by and we started talking, and obviously the important subject for us is: ‘What’s happened? You’ve broken up then? I mean, you’re here and he’s there.’

She was very nice and confided in us but she was being very strong about it. She said, ‘No, he’s got to work his way back.’ I said, ‘Well look, do you still love him?’, and she said, ‘Yes.’ So I said, ‘Well, would you think it was an intrusion if I said to him, “Look, man, she loves you and there’s a way to get back”— sounds like a Beatles’ song — and I said ‘Would that be OK?’

She said she didn’t mind and we went out to visit him in L.A. in that house where all the crazy things went on and I took him into the back room and said, ‘This girl of yours, she really still loves you. Do you love her?’ And he said he did but he didn’t know what to do.

So I said, ‘You’re going to have to work your little ass off, man. You have to get back to New York, you have to take a separate flat, you have to send her roses every fucking day, you have to work at it like a bitch! Then you just might get her back.’ And he did. I mean, if you hear it from John’s point of view, it’ll just be that he spoke to Yoko on the phone and she said to him, ‘Come back.’

I always found it interesting that he got married a month after you.

I think we spurred each other into marriage. They were very strong together which left me out of the picture, so then I got together with Linda and we got our own kind of strength. I think again that they were a little bit peeved that we got married first.

Was it the kind of thing where there are two blokes who are good mates and one of them finds a girl and then the friendship breaks up?

‘Wedding Bells’ is what it was. ‘Wedding bells are breaking up that old gang of mine.’ We used to sing that song, Gene Vincent did it. It was like an army song and for us the Beatles became the army. We always knew that one day ‘Wedding Bells’ would come true, and that was when it did.

Trouble is, in trying to set the record straight I don’t want to blame John. I did this thing recently with Hunter Davies and they pulled out the one line, ‘John could be a manoeuvring swine.’ Well, I still stick to that, but I’d better not say it to The Sun because I’m just going to get hauled over the coals again.

I’ll tell you exactly why I said that. We had a business meeting to break up The Beatles, one of the famous ones that we’d been having — we’re still having them 17 years later, actually. We all flew in to New York specially. George came off his disastrous tour, Ring of flew in and we were at the Plaza for the big final settlement meeting. John was half a mile away at the Dakota and he sent a balloon over with a note that said ‘Listen to this balloon.’ I mean, you’ve got to be pretty cool to handle that kind of stuff.

George blew his cool and rang him up: ’You fucking maniac!! You take your fucking dark glasses off and come and look at us, man!!’ and gave him a whole load of that shit. Around the same time at another meeting we had it all settled, and John asked for an extra million pounds at the last minute. So of course that meeting blew up in disarray. Later, when we got a bit friendlier — and from time to time there would be these little stepping-stones of friendship in the Apple sea — I asked him why he’d actually wanted that million and he said, I just wanted cards to play with. It’s absolutely standard business practice. He wanted a couple of jacks to up your pair of nines. He was one great guy, but part of his greatness was that he wasn’t a saint.

You got an awful lot of shit for saying “It’s a drag” after he’d been killed.

Yea. I think why some politicians are so successful is that they have a little bleeper box in their heads and before they say something they run things through and they can see it as a headline. If it doesn’t look good they edit it. I have that sometimes, but in moments like that all my bleepers go out the window. I just came out of the place and somebody just stuck the proverbial microphone in the window of the car, which I’m mad enough to have open because, you see, I’m quite outgoing and I was telling the fans ‘Thank you, it’s alright.’ You know. Fab Macca, thumbs aloft, wacky… to me that’s just being nice… that’s just ordinary. I’m not going to carry any can for that kind of shit, for me that was OK… Sticking my thumb up isn’t some armour against the fans, it’s just a perfectly straightforward way of being friendly with people.

But, anyway, I said, ‘It’s a dra-a-ag.’ If I could’ve I might’ve just lengthened that word ‘drag’ for about a thousand years, to get the full meaning. Hunter Davies was on television that night, giving a very reasoned account of John, and all the puppets sprang right up there. I thought it was well tasteless. Jesus Christ, ready with the answers, aren’t we? Aren’t we just ready with a summary? Mind you, Hunter admitted to us years ago that he already had our obituaries written. They’re on file at The Times and they just update them, which is chilling to learn.

The question is, which is the more sensitive: my thing or his thing? He was the one I rang up about ‘manoeuvring swine’ too, so it shows what a buddy he is, he immediately put it in print.

That incident reminded me of John saying ‘We’re bigger than Jesus,’ which was a Maureen Cleave article for the Evening Standard. John and Maureen were good friends and in context it was actually John saying to the church, ‘Hey, wake up! We’re bigger than you.’

But you take it out of context, you send it to Selma, Alabama, you put it on the front page and you’ve got little 11-year-olds thumping on your coach window saying, ‘Blasphemer! Devil Worshipper!’ and I’ll never forget the sight of a little blond kid trying to get to us, and he would have done it, if he’d have got to us. I mean, at 11, what does this kid know of life and religion or anything? He’d just been whipped up.

It’s like Phillip Norman’s book Shout. It’s shameful the way it says that George spent the whole of his career holding a plectrum waiting for a solo. To dismiss George like that is just stupid, nothing less. George was a major influence musically. Trouble is with all these guys, when they come to interview you they come with a clipboard of facts that they’ve got from the files. That’s how Willie Russell wrote his play, John, Paul, George, Ringo… and Bert. That’s how I’ve become known as the one who broke up the Beatles.

The only thing I’m thankful for is that now the truth is starting to come out, and when I see that wedding changed to funeral, I start to realise that it was John’s problem, not mine.

What was his problem, do you think?

Heroin, a slight problem.

When did you know he was doing heroin?

When he was living in Montagu Square with Yoko after he’d split up with Cynthia. He never actually told us, no one ever actually saw him take it, but we heard. I was very lucky to miss that whole scene. I was the first one on coke in the group, which horrified the whole group, and I just thought, No sweat. The minute I stopped, the whole record industry got into it and has never stopped since.

I knew the time was up when I saw Jim Webb — Up Up And Away! — offering me a toot. I thought, ‘Hello, this is getting way too popular.’

When was this that you were doing it?

In LA, it was Sgt. Pepper time, it was my circle of friends: the William Burroughs, the Robert Frasers, the Rolling Stones crowd, and we’d use it to wake up after the pot. But that was quite shortlived and I hated it. I soon got the message that it was a big downer.

There’s a story that sums up all that drugs thing. When I went out to LA at the time of that Pussy Cats album I was offered angel dust. I said, ‘What is it?’ and they said, ‘It’s an elephant tranquillizer,’ and I said to the guy, ‘Is it fun?’ He thought for a moment and said, ‘No it’s not fun.’ So I said, ‘OK, I won’t have any then.’ That sums it up, you know. You had anything, man, even if it wasn’t fun! You sort of had to do it — peer pressure.

I was given a lot of stick for being the last one to take acid. I wish I’d held out now in a way, Although it was the times. I don’t really regret anything actually. I remember John going on The Old Grey Whistle Test and saying, ‘Paul only took it four times! We all took it twenty times!!’ It was as if you’d scored points…

Real twenty pints a night stuff, isn’t it?

It really is!! That’s it, exactly! Very northern. It’s the same thing. If you get it right with one crowd; of people, it’s wrong with another crowd, so you can’t win, basically. But it was great times and I really don’t regret it. I love a lot of what we did; we had screwed-up moments too, but who doesn’t?

Like Geldof — there’s this guy who does great stuff, but that doesn’t mean that he’s a saint. In fact, it’s often the opposite with these people; it just means that they’ve got Go Power.

I love the story where they finished the USA For Africa record and Geldof is buzzing and Michael Jackson and his family were having a light meal at about three in the morning. They’re all devout Jehovah’s Witnesses and they were all sitting there and Bob walks in and says, ‘You lot fucking disgust me!!’ The jaws just drop.

He didn’t make himself too wildly popular. I think that’s why he got a bit elbowed in the States. They never mention him. It’s the American guy they always mention. I don’t even know what his name is. Ken something. They all thank him. They never say, ‘And by the way, he got the idea off this mad Irish bog bandit.’

How did you feel at Live Aid? The first time you’d been on stage for ages and it all went wrong.

When the mic went? I felt very strange. It was very loosely organised and I turned up not knowing quite what was expected of me, other than that I had to do ‘Let It Be’. So I sat down at the piano, looked around for a cue to go, and there was just one roadie, and I looked at him for a signal. I started and the monitor was off and I thought, No sweat, this is BBC, this is world television, someone’s bound to have a feed, it’s just that my monitor’s off.

Then I wondered if the audience could hear because I knew some of the words of ‘Let It Be’ were kind of relevant to what we were doing. Anyway, I thought, This is OK, they can hear me, they’re singing along. I just had to keep going, so it was very embarrassing. The terrible thing was that in the middle I heard the roadies come through on the monitor, shouting, ’No, this plug doesn’t go here!‘ I thought, Hello, we have problems. The worst moment was watching it on telly later.

The event itself was so great, but it wasn’t for my ego. It was for people who are dying and it raised over £50 million, and so it was like having been at the battle of Agincourt. It’s something you’ll tell your grandchildren about. I know Paul Simon slightly regrets that he didn’t do it. He was asked, but he had other things to do. I very nearly didn’t do it; Bob just badgered me into it.

That’s your mother invoked in ‘Let It Be’, isn’t it?

Yeah, well, I had a lot of bad times in the ‘60s there, and we used to sort of — probably all the drugs — lie in bed and wonder what was going on and feel quite paranoid. I had a dream one night about my mother. She died when I was 14 so I hadn’t really heard from her in quite a while, and it was very good. It gave me some strength. In my darkest hour Mother Mary comes to me. I don’t know whether you’ve got parents that are still living, but if you do… I get dreams with John in, and my Dad. It’s very nice because you meet them again. It’s wondrous, it’s like magic. Of course, you’re not meeting them, you’re meeting yourself, or whatever…

What about ‘Lady Madonna’?

Lady Madonna’s all women. How do they do it? — bless ‘em — it’s that one, you know. Baby at your breast, how do they get the time to feed them? Where do you get the money? How do you do this thing that women do?

Was your mother a very strong force in your life?

Well, I loved her, you know, yeah.

Was it very traumatic when she died?

Yeah, but I’m a bit of a cover-up. There are many people like me in the world who don’t find it easy to have public grief. But that was one of the things that brought John and I very close together. We used to actually talk about it, being 16 or 17. We actually used to know, not in a cynical way, but a way that was accepting the reality of the situation, how people felt when they said, ‘How’s your mother?’ And we’d say, ‘Well, she’s dead.’ We almost had a sort of joke, we’d have to say, ‘It’s alright, don’t worry.’ We’d both lost our mothers. It was never really spoken about much; no-one really spoke about anything real. There was a famous expression: ‘Don’t get real on me, man.’

How did you feel about all the stick Linda got?

I feel sorry for her. She got a lot of stick, more than we admit to.

It presumably affected your relationship in some way?

It made us stronger, really; the thing I’m beginning to understand now about Linda was that we were just two people who liked each other and found a lot in common and fell in love, got married and found that we liked it. To the world, of course, she was the girl that Paul McCartney had married, and she was a divorcee, which didn’t seem right. People preferred Jane Asher. Jane Asher fitted. She was a better Fergie.

Linda wasn’t a very good Fergie for me, and people generally tended to disapprove of me marrying a divorcee and an American. That wasn’t too clever. None of that made a blind bit of difference; I actually just liked her, I still do and that’s all it’s to do with.

I mean, we got married in the craziest clothes when I look back on it. We didn’t even bother to buy her a decent outfit. I can see it all now; I can see why people were amazed that I’d put her in the group. At the time it didn’t seem the least bit unusual. I even had quotes from Jagger saying, ‘Oh, he’s got his old lady up onstage man.’

A lot of people give her stick for playing with one finger, but as a matter of fact they weren’t polyphonic, the Moogs, in those days. You can only play them with one finger; you can play them with five if you like, but only one’s gonna register, so it’s things like that all added to the picture, and by the time she did the ’76 tour with Wings, she was well good at stuff and actually I was quite surprised, I mean, she was holding down the keyboard job with one of the big bands in the world. From knowing nothing! I mean, the balls of the girl!

But along with the public condemnations, there were always millions of people who liked her. Our shows always did OK, and our records occasionally did OK. Occasionally we’d have a whopper burger that’d suddenly make it worthwhile. Then we’d have our big whopper failures, but as long as you measure them against your successes, it’s alright.

How do you feel about the Wings output?

I was never very happy with the whole thing but I’m actually starting to think that it was a bit churlish of me, because I’m meeting a lot of people now who had a completely different perception of the whole thing. I met a nurse recently who was a Wings fan! I mean, forget me, forget The Beatles, she was an actual die-hard Wings fan. I didn’t think they existed.

A lot of the younger people coming up didn’t really know the Beatles history. There are people who don’t know what Sgt. Pepper was. We find it a bit difficult to understand. It’s like not knowing what War And Peace is.So it’s OK. I was never very pleased with the whole thing, but I’m warming to it now. I’m starting to look at it through my own eyes, and saying, Wait a minute. What did we do? Where did we go wrong? Most people would give their right arm for the Wings career, to have hits as big as ‘Mull Of Kintyre’, ‘My Love’, ‘Band On The Run’, ‘Maybe I’m Amazed’.

But it came to an end when you were busted in Japan. How did that happen?

It happened because we got some good grass in America and no-one could face putting it down the toilet. It was an absolutely crazy move. We knew we weren’t going to get any in Japan. Anybody else would have given it to their roadies, but I didn’t want them to take the rap. It was lying on top of the bloody suitcase. I’ll never forget the guy’s face as he pulled it out. He almost put it back. He just did not want the embarrassment. But it’s a hysterical subject and I’d prefer to skirt round it these days, because I don’t want any of the pressures that go with it, so I’m telling everyone, stay clean, be cool.

I’m pretty straight. I know what crazy is.

#1986 #interviewed: paul #interviewer: chris salewicz #full article placeholder tag #emotional disaster ocean #the many ways i've tried #ceci n'est pas une pomme #in spite of you #our distance and that person

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duhragonball · 5 years ago

Text

Dragon Ball Z 167

There’s about nine or ten days left before the Cell Games. Dr. Brief is busy working on fixing Android 16. He has specs from Dr. Gero’s lab, but they’re for android 17, and 16 has a completely different design, because 16 is truly an android, and not a cyborg like 17. Meanwhile, 16 plays with Dr. Brief’s cat. I’m not sure if it’s safe for the kitty to lick so close to 16′s open wound, but I’m not a robot or a robot doctor or a cat, so what do I know?

Bulma’s mom serves up cake. Eat, drink, and be merry, I guess.

Oolong and Roshi start stuffing their gross fingers into the cakes to claim them, and it’s pretty friggin’ gross. Seriously, I’ve seen Frieza cut in half, but this scene is what really bothers me. Those two can’t even eat that much cake anyway, so it’s just disgusting. Chi-Chi is right to want to keep Gohan away from them.

The others all chill out and watch TV. This looks like a pretty cozy scene.

I really want to know what the deal is with this show.

Vegeta can’t sit on the floor like everyone else because he’s the PRINSUVOLLSAYINS or whatever.

Yamcha gets restless and decides to go outside to train for Cell. Krillin offers to join him, and then Vegeta gives them shit for being no match for Cell. Yamcha reminds Vegeta that he’s no match for Cell either, so maybe he ought to keep his mouth shut. Yamcha’s like “Yeah, welcome to our world.” And Krillin starts chanting “One of us, one of us.”

Then Bulma arrives, having returned from Kami’s Lookout, and she’s all anxious to see how Future Trunks is doing, to the point where she crashes into these guys.

This whole part right here just bugs me. I don’t like how Vegeta gets lumped into a comedy gag like this. Why wouldn’t he just move out of the way? Or simply murder Bulma before she could get near? That’s kind of his bit, isn’t it? Also, I don’t really see Bulma being this kind of character. Chi-Chi, sure, but not Bulma. It just feels off.

She calms down once she knows Future Trunks is okay, and then Baby Trunks grabs onto his hair. Everyone laughts. Well, not Vegeta.

Never mind that shit! Here comes Cell!

This whole scene fucking rules. Cell just smashes his way into a city, makes a giant hole in a TV studio, and when he puts his hand on the reception desk, it deforms as his hand moves towards it. I’d call this Big General Zod Energy, except General Zod wasn’t anywhere near this cool in Superman II.

He asks where they film the TV that gets broadcast all over the world, and the frightened receptionist tells him that he needs Studio B on the top floor. Cell just floats straight up and the floors rip open as he moves towards them. None of that elevator nonsense like in Movie 7. Cell just goes where he wants, how he wants.

Back at Capsule Corp, Yamcha slips on Krilin’s bald head. Vegeta’s probably watching them from the window. “They’re right,” he thinks to himself as he watches Yamcha plant his bare feet into Krillin’s face. “I’m one of them now.”

Meanwhile, Roshi watches aerobics girls on TV, and I guess in Dragon World they film that shit live, because Cell floats up into the studio and ruins the shot.

They change it to a cooking show, and he’s there too.

Then they switch it to... I guesss this is some sort of stage musical? I don’t understand how TV works in this world. They filmed all of these shows in the same building, live, and aired them on three separate channels?

I don’t know what this was supposed to be, but it’s not shown from Bulma’s TV, so maybe this one was being taped.

Finally, he ends up at Studio B, and smashes through the anchorman’s desk.

Hyperbolic Time Chamber Update: Gohan has a nightmare about Cell killing Chi-Chi and Piccolo right in front of him. Holy shit! How does he know what Cell looks like? How did Goku know what the androids and Vegeta were doing while he was laid up with the heart virus?

I was telling a friend of mine how this liveblog is helping me recalibrate for the fanfic I’m writing. I didn’t think I needed it, but this helps me remember what it is I’m trying to work from. I gave my Super Saiyan OC a lot of reasons to have trouble sleeping, and at times, I felt like that was kind of dumb and cliche. But now I realize why I did that in the first place. Nightmares and sleepless nights are par for the course for Super Saiyans. The only reason we don’t see Trunks having bizarre prophetic nightmares is because he grew up in one. Showing him sleeping poorly seems kind of redundant, you know?

Turns out, Gohan had a fever, which isn’t too surprising, considering the extreme conditions of this place. Once again, Gohan apologizes for not being good enough or strong enough to live up to the expectations he has for himself, but Goku’s totally cool about this. Goku’s been there, after all. More importantly, Gohan is far, far stronger than Goku ever was at his age. To put this into perspective, Gohan probably just now turned 11. Goku was 12 when Bulma first met him. As much as Gohan looks up to his dad, I think the reverse applies too.

Goku tries to tuck him in, and Gohan murmurs something about his desire to protect the others. Gohan’s laser focused on this. He may not enjoy fighting, but he’s completely devoted to the mission.

Back to business, Cell is here on TV to announce his new tournament, the Cell Games. First he introduces himself as the monster who killed all those people in Gingertown, Nickytown, and elsewhere. He says he no longer needs to feed on people, but he will be kicking the ass of everyone who shows up at his tournament in nine days.

Is that Piccolo’s TV, or Tien’s? Either way, I find it hilarious.

Basically, the Cell Game only resembles the Tenkaichi Budokai in the sense that you can lose by giving up, or by falling out of the ring. Otherwise, it’s a very different format. Instead of an elimination bracket, it’s a gauntlet match. Cell stands in the ring, and fights each competitor. If he wins, the next guy steps up and he fights that guy, and so on. The idea is to see how many of these fights Cell can win in a row with no time to rest. In theory, the more fighters who show up, the better chance of them wearing Cell down.

Perhaps most critically, lethal force is not illegal, as Chi-Chi speculated. If Cell kills you, you lose, not him. Frankly, that just makes sense. In the Tenkaichi Budokai, the idea was to defeat your opponent, not murder him, so lethal force would get you disqualified.

But the Cell Games are for the fate of the Earth. If Cell wins, he plans to kill everyone on the planet. So why should he spare his opponents? Why should he disqualify himself if he accidentally kills an opponent?

On the flip side, why should his opponents worry about killing him? If there was a no-kill rule, and Goku managed to kill Cell, that would technically make Cell the winner, but who would care? Also, what would happen if Goku managed to beat Cell by ringout? Would Cell abide by the rules? He never really explained what would happen if he lost. I assume he just didn’t see that as a possibility, or maybe he expected his opponents to try to kill him no matter what, so it wasn’t important.

I’m not the kind of Cell fan who spends a lot of time looking for ways he could reform, although I do feel like it’s a shame that he couldn’t see the value of sparing the Earth and making the Cell Games a regular thing. Like, let’s say he held this competition, and he survives to the end, win or lose. Wouldn’t it make sense to stage a followup tournament for next year? If the Saiyans could give him good sport twice, why not a third time? And then the Cell Games just becomes this annual event where everyone gets together to see how many fights this bug man can win.

But the reality is that Cell’s too big a dick for that. His perfect form was built on thousands of innocent victims, and his tournament ring is sitting on top of farmland owned by a guy her murdered. He killed that news anchor right before he announced this game, and he closes his announcement by blowing up part of the city he’s in. Yeah, Cell loves fighting, and you might talk him into doing Cell Games II next year, but he also loves terrorizing helpless people, and he’d be doing that for the entire year until the next event. I suppose this is what sets him apart from Vegeta and Piccolo.

Anyway, everyone is suitably terrified by Cell’s announcement. Cell is the first villain to announce his presence to the world since King Piccolo conquered it over a decade ago. The Saiyan invasion was known to the world, but there was very little understanding of what was going on. Goku’s role in that battle never made it to the news media, and the other Z-Fghters who did get televised all died in battle. To the world at large, they just knew that East City got destroyed by aliens, then there was a battle in some remote location, a bunch of martial artists and camera crews died, and then the aliens were gone.

This is something that’s always interested me about Dragon Ball, because I’m used to comic book universes where the main heroes and their adventures are well known to the public. I guess Superman was sort of the origin of that whole idea, since he worked for a newspaper, and he was such a powerful character that it was big news whenever he did anything, even in secret. In some of Superman’s earliest outings, he seemed very interested in keeping a low profile, like he didn’t even want people to know he existed, but the costume sort of undermined that idea. Eventually, he settled into the formula of being a public figure, and then writing about his own adventures as Clark Kent.

Other superhero franchises have followed that premise, although it gets kind of strained in places. If Mr. Fantastic invented a flying car years ago, why does everyone in Marvel still use real world technology? A lot of fantasy worlds try to sidestep that problem by having the super-powered characters exist in secret. Harry Potter’s whole deal is that wizards are real, and they have a whole secret society going on under the nose of the rest of the world, although it’s not very clear why they felt it so important to do this in the first place. The real reason is that J.K. Rowling wanted Harry to grow up in a normal household, instead of some parallel world where everyone knows magic is real.

Dragon Ball sort of tries to have it both ways. It’s mostly like the real world, but it can have advanced technology like the Hoi-Poi capsules and hovercars, and then there’s remote parts of the world where they don’t have those things. Trucks with wheels are still a thing, probably because Toriyama likes to draw real cars and made-up cars and he saw no reason to have to choose. As for Goku, he just goes in, whips ass, and leaves. If there’s media attention for his actions, so be it, but he’s not interested in it, so he doesn’t pursue it. One day the Red Ribbon Army got wiped out, and the world has no idea how or why. One day, King Piccolo got taken down, and the world found out about it, but they knew almost nothing about the boy who did the job. One day, Vegeta got sent packing, but he eventually came back, and no one knows who he is, or what happened in between.

And Goku’s fine with that. He sees no point in giving press conferences, or explaining What Just Happened to the rest of the people. He’s a very minor celebrity for participating in the Tenkaichi Budokai competitions, but only hardcore martial arts fans would have heard of him. I’m a pro wrestling fan, but I’d have to look up the last three winners of the G1.

And maybe this is one reason I dig this show so much. Over the years, western comic books have gotten increasingly mired in pointless details. You look at the new Spider-Man movie that’s coming up, and the general idea seems to be that Spider-Man needs Nick Fury to tell him what to do. That’s how the comics have been for decades now. These days you can’t be a superhero without some government agent telling you which way to pull up your tights. It’s bullshit, but the writers think it’s more “realistic” that way. Come to think of it, pro wrestling fell into the same trap a while back. It used to be that you’d turn on wrestling and they’d just show a bunch of matches, and it was taken for granted that some unseen authority booked the card. Now every American wrestling promotion has to waste time on all these in-story CEO’s, general managers, commissioners, and assistant general managers, and they all argue over which of them outranks the other. It’s dumb. Just let them fight. Dragon Ball’s gonna let them fight.

#dragon ball #2019dbliveblog #cell games saga #cell #perfect cell #goku #gohan #android 16 #dr brief #vegeta #trunks #bulma #tien #piccolo #yamcha #krillin #oolong #puar

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justalittlebluetiefling · 6 years ago

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That™ Scene AKA Bellamy’s Face Journey

There’s been a lot of spec going around about That™ scene in the rover at the end of 5x12, so I thought I’d write up my interpretation as well. I don’t know how much this post MATTERS anymore, since there are spoilers everywhere, BUT I WORKED REALLY HARD ON IT SO YOU HAVE TO SEE IT.

Under the cut! Because it gets a little wordy and it turned into a face journey post. Also, I know we got the script for this scene, but seriously? I'll just address that below by talking about how not hopeful that face was.

When the rover comes speeding into the ravine, Bellamy is obviously going to assume Clarke is there. Somehow she found out what was going on and she’s here to rescue them, because she always comes through. Maybe Madi was wrong. Maybe Clarke is going to forgive him.

So, let’s back up here and also how did this become about 5x9.

Why do I think Bellamy feels this way? I don’t think he’s mad at Clarke for leaving him behind. I don’t even think he blames her. Bellamy is the fucking king of blaming himself for literally everything and even if we see him making some progress with that in his relationship with O, he knew that was he was doing with the flame was a betrayal. He knew that Clarke was actively fighting against this happening. But what mattered most to him was finding a way to save Clarke, save Spacekru, and keep the peace. It seemed like the best way and it was worth it to him, because even if Clarke would never forgive him, at least she would be alive. So when she escapes, when she comes in and he sees her take in the scene...

he looks scared. I should go look for references, but this is the face that Bellamy gets when he feels guilty... when he feels like he’s let someone down.

He wants to reach out to her. I mean, in this scene, he’s LITERALLY reaching out to her. He takes a step toward her to try to reassure her/placate her/ANYthing.

He can see how angry she is. It’s the angriest he’s ever seen her. This is definitely the face of ‘Oh shit, Madi was right.’ He did what he had to do, what Clarke would have done (because he’s still living in that mindset, even though she’s alive and in front of him), and he’s seeing the consequences of it.

I mean, can we also talk about how often their faces mirror each other’s pain? Their connection is so fucking deep that they empathize with each other even when they don’t agree. He’s seriously got tears in his eyes in that picture up there. They are shimmering in the light. Bellamy and Clarke can feel the other’s feelings. It’s so gross. What kind of soulmate shit.

ANYWAY.

I’ve seen a lot of people taking the glare at the end of the scene and applying it to Clarke leaving. But I’ve watched this scene frame by frame many times now. So let’s pull the important frames.

I don’t even know how to interpret that face (post-the event which will not be named). But it’s not anger. Maybe shock? Maybe he thought that, even though Madi said Clarke would never forgive him, that she would understand? Because Clarke is the one person who has always forgiven his actions. Any time he feels like he’s fucked up, Clarke is there to offer him forgiveness. So how could that change now?

He’s fucking distraught as Clarke is walking past him to leave.

This is the face of a guy who thinks he’s never going to see his loved ones again. But still, it’s not anger. I’d almost say it’s more self-loathing (on par with our boy Bellamy’s track record of hating himself). All we really know, per Bob, is that this was a turning point for Bellamy. What kind of turning point? We won’t know until the finale.

But yeah, shortly after this, he looks pissed.

When does he get angry? When O says, “Arrest the traitors.” So yeah, that face? Directed at O.

Anyway.

This post is supposed to be about That™ scene. So now we fast forward with a montage.

The last time they see each other, Clarke is angry

Bellamy is distraught

and he has resigned himself to the consequences of these actions.

(Yes 2/3 were repeat shots).

But he’s not angry at her, because he knows why she’s doing this. The most important thing to remember here is that Bellamy spent his entire life pre-Praimfaya living for his sister. And now Clarke is doing that for her daughter. So no. He’s not mad.

Anyway, back to the rover scene.

TL;DR: Bellamy knows it’s E in the passenger seat, but he doesn’t have any fucking clue why Clarke isn’t there and his first instinct isn’t to fly into his gf’s arms, it’s to ask where the fuck Clarke is, because he has now fully realized that he’s still in love with her. Because this face?

This face not even 12 frames later?

This is not a face of denial.

It is a face of GUILT because everything has changed after all, hasn’t it.

And now, the slightly longer version.

Bellamy sees the rover pulling up. Maybe he even hears it over the gunfire and he thinks maybe Clarke has forgiven him and come back to rescue him, because that’s what they do for each other, right? The last he heard, Clarke and Madi took the rover and got the fuck out of Polis. So, it’s completely logical to assume that he thinks Clarke is going to be inside.

But when he gets in the rover... she’s not there. Murphy, Emori, E, and Madi are there. Where the fuck is Clarke? Ever since they’ve been back on the ground, she’s been protecting Madi. So, why is Madi here without Clarke? What did they do to get Madi and the rover away from Clarke? He’s grateful that they came and saved him, but his internal monologue would probably be best described by: wow thank you this was great i really... clarke clarke clarke clarke clarke clarke clarke clarke clarke clarke clarke clarke clarke clarke clarke clarke. And now I’ve typed that so much that it looks like it’s spelled wrong.

Because seriously, if he was just grateful that they were there, why would his face do this?

The thing is, E’s smile is so sweet. She looks so happy that he’s safe. So happy to have him back. But he knows E. And he knows what she would do to protect the people she loves. And the last thing that he would want would be for them to hurt Clarke to save him. But then again, why would Madi be there if Clarke didn’t okay it? Did the flame change her that much? Did Eligius kidnap Clarke again and Madi escaped and she’s here for help? clarke clarke clarke clarke clarke clarke clarke clarke clarke clarke clarke clarke clarke clarke clarke clarke. It’s why he looks so guilty when E looks so happy.

I’m sincerely hoping that they address this in some fashion next episode, but they’ll probably sweep it under the rug, the way they swept the 15 minute rover ride to rescue Clarke in 5x3 under the rug.

#bellarke #bellamy blake #the 100 #face journey #minor meta and wild emotional speculation #honestly i hate myself a little for writing this #i need the next episode like right now #i hope you like it when i'm extra #also if it seems like i'm looking at this entire thing through shipper goggles #it's because i am #i try not to #but it's hard sometimes #AND YES i made a face journey tag because this is the THIRD POST i've made about bellamy's face #what is wrong with me #500

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velvet-tread · 6 years ago

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Unfiltered sweary mess: 507 edition

I had thoughts so I decided to this again. Let’s hope it doesn’t become a habit.

Let’s start with the Bellarke of it all, and the sheer joy of seeing them hustle up a plan together on the fly. AND LISTEN I am not on the #bellamysucksnow train, or the #bellarkeisdead train either and as such fair warning there is squee incoming. It feels like the core of the show has returned to us after s4’s barren years and IT IS GREAT. And honestly? I don’t care that romance isn’t in the air between them RIGHT NOW. I thought I would mind but I don’t. It feels right. It feels true to Bellamy, and it feels true to Clarke, and it feels exactly like the vibe I’d expect and want between two characters who love and respect each other and their choices, who have been apart for so long and need to reconnect. Let’s do right by Clarke and Bellamy, yeah? We’ve waited for 4 seasons (the last of which gave us sweet fa) we can wait a little longer.

And seriously, even if it turns out they are just beautiful co-leaders with a lot of professional respect for each other (yeah RIGHT) they could never, ever kill that relationship for me as long as they are in scenes together like this. I don’t care if they don’t bang (call me out on my lies someone), but the concurrent Bellarke scenes in the dining hall, and the triffid room, and then on Echo-watch just gave me so many OTP vibes. Bellarke are at their most effective when they’re together, even better when they have the support of their genius friends. And we got a return of the Bellarke dry-as comedy double act WTF @the100writersroom are you trying to be good at your jobs or something.

Top bantz, as we’d say in Essex.

Too bad the Bellarke unity ain’t gonna last, but thankfully, Bellarke are just as awesome when they are just…very angry and exasperated with each other ok, but DON’T HURT YOUR PRECIOUS SELF I MAY BE FURIOUS BUT WHEN DID YOU LAST SLEEP AND DO YOU NEED SOMETHING TO EAT

Great to have Monty back in the frame cutting through everyone’s bullshit. I thought he’d been relegated to a bit part this season. Oh ye of little faith. Does anyone realise that Monty is the biological weapon earth forgot? Put that angry face in a room with Octavia and see how long it takes for her to crack and wither from Monty’s externalised disappointment with everyone and everything.

Bellamy burning Octavia ow ow ow. I’ve already spoken about this at some length but damn that hurt. And it was deserved, but still spoke to the depth of his contempt for Blodreina.

Which brings me to…BELLARKE V BLODREINA: GRUDGE MATCH

And man, was this grudge match some time coming. To make sure the audience was VERY CLEAR on EVERYONE’S MORAL STANDING, the show helpfully prepped us with some little reminders that Bellamy helped commit a massacre, and Clarke did a load of horrible human testing in Becca’s lab last season. Thanks show.

So, all armed and loaded, the mud slinging began, and boy was it awesome. First of all Bellarke takes Octavia to task about the worms and TURNS OUT OCTAVIA DIDN’T KNOW which get a grip on power here Octavia because it’s slipping from your grasp faster than you can say Wonkru Barbecue (shoutout to @mego42 – your time is coming). But Miller obviously watched the earlier part of the show and recapped for Octavia just in time because she’s ready for that shit and fires everyone’s dark past back at them. Cue: Bellamy’s best frowny face and Eliza Taylor’s saddest, most regretful Clarke eyes.

Bellarke disarmed and cowed (for now) live to fight another war they don’t want to fight.

But Octavia’s grudge match continues in her office when Indra enters with the intention of being reasonable, which is exactly the kind of shit Blodreina has warned her about before so help her god.

Indra is, obviously, the Queen of Everything and My Heart and delivers some bitchass Truths as Indra is wont to do and Octavia rewards her by throwing what my mind remembers as a skull but was probably a paperweight because why would Octavia have a skull in her office *nervous laughter*

Indra leaves, still Queen of Everything and My Heart, but not before delivering a portentous warning about losing yourself in the dark, which obviously Octavia is not going to listen to because DAUGHTERS, MAN.

Talking of daughters, Madi trying to suck at training was the most adorbs thing I’ve seen in a long time, guys and I am subscribed to a LOT of cat blogs. And man I felt for her. Sucking at anything sucks, and sucking on PURPOSE is just the height of unfair. And she’s in a new school! And the other kids are mean! And maybe they eat people!

Serious question though: from whence did Madi learn her swordswomanship? Clarke? Helios? Roan? (too soon?).

But don’t blame Clarke, Madi! Clarke’s Madi feels are pretty much on a par with mine which means she wants to cry every time she looks at her earnest little face AND CLARKE I FEEL THAT SO HARD YOUR BABY IS ADORABADASS. Which also means MAMA MODE ACTIVATED when Vodka Aunt Octavia starts messing up that precious braid she put in Madi’s hair earlier.

Hey Vodka Aunt, you don’t just get to come in here and make executive choices about Madi’s career, especially given your past efforts at parenting *looks at Ethan*

Oh, oh, oh and WE GOT A RETURN OF THE MUSICAL INTERLUDE! It was like Knocking on Heaven’s Door and Early Seasons feels all over again. But I gotta say Jason, fresh from the Sense8 finale my musical interlude expectations are higher these days and I was a bit disappointed there wasn’t a dance off. Perhaps an orgy or an endgame B/C/E triad instead? *Wanheda jaw clench*

But anyway that whole sequence of Clarke sending Madi off to her first day of training sent me in to a spiral of sadness that lasted for a lot of minutes I wasn’t counting. It was very sad and I am sad about it. Poor Clarke. Just as well Octavia helped her remember she’s motherfucking Wanheda.

MY GIRL ECHO MY GIRLING UP THE HOUSE.

Let’s just take a moment to appreciate what a babe Echo kom Spacekru nee Azgeda is. First of all: EVIDENCE OF SPACE GIRL SQUAD and I am all here for that. Second of all Echo is officially the first person on the show to get one over of Colonel Charmaine Diyoza SOMEONE GET ME A FUCKING SHOT.

And listen up everyone who bashes at their keyboards dribbling with rage about the things other women like on television: I love ladies with swords and if you want an apology for that you’ll have to prise it out of my cold dead body. But can we just take a (second) moment to appreciate that for all of Echo’s badass sword skills, she is Clarke Griffining up this joint like a motherfucker. Echo is as Slytherin as Clarke and as sneaky as Clarke and as smart as Clarke and that manoeuvre she executed with Zeke and Raven was 100% a Clarke Griffin move, don’t @ me.

It’s almost like….they’re similar….on purpose….

Shout out to all the smart, insecure girls who aren’t sure if they belong. Learn to swordfight, use your brain, and get yourself a girl squad and a soft space dad boyfriend.

Sidebar: Clarke’s faith that Echo would take the eye down and her admiration when she does will keep me in Clecho feels for months.

But friends…I am the most fervent of Echo stans and Becho shippers and I am AFEARED. She is very much circling the abyss here and it gives me a sick feeling in my stomach. I believe Raven will forgive her (FOR WHAT CAN SOMEONE PLS ENLIGHTEN ME AS TO WHAT RAVEN IS SO PISSED ABOUT??) and I believe the rest of Spacekru will 100% understand what she did because it was presented to us as an understandable choice. But but but… what’s next? Diyoza ain’t gonna take the turn the other cheek approach to learning that Echo took down her eye in the sky. What if her next move is to make *Echo* her eyes in exchange for safe passage for Spacekru?

*sweats forever*

That seems like a Diyoza move. And like…where would that leave Echo with Bellamy? Her choice would be: tell him and risk the whole mission and/or turn him into a lying liar to his sister too, or not tell him and risk their entire relationship and hurt him very badly. I think I know which one my loyal girl would choose and how that would end.

Fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

*ugly crying*

I’m not ready.

Okay it’s time for a Raven rant. What the hell is going on with Raven this season? Raven has had some beautifully executed arcs in the past, and I am high key here for her to finally get some NC-17 action now she’s done all that Work On Herself, but if Raven’s arc in s5 amounts to RAVEN DIDN’T GET BONED FOR 6 YEARS AND NOW SHE’S GETTING BONED then Imma flip a table.

Sidebar#2 obviously Raven got boned on the Ring, it’s not like they would have had a space orgy without her, come ON.

And just… I’m sorry I don’t get the Zaven. When they released the s5 pics I thought WOWZA these two are gonna be gr9 together and LOOK HE’S A SPACE EXPLORER. How could this possibly go wrong? But somehow, they’ve managed to introduce a character who, on his own, is 10x as compelling as Wick, but has about -100% of the chemistry with Raven. Which is???? Some kind of alchemy??? how has that happened? I love Zeke! I love Raven!!! They’re both MAGNETIC on screen. On paper they should be a perfect fit but it’s like whenever they’re in the same scene together I have the sudden urge to check my emails.

And someone, please, just tell me what work Zaven is doing for either of these characters. What’s Raven’s conflict? How does Zeke resolve it? Is it *literally* Raven being presented with a hot dude with a similar skill set? Sorry I’m out.

And before anyone comes at me with the usual packet of whining about how Echo has stolen all of Raven’s screentime, I’d beg you all to remember that there is no law saying that one woman’s time on tv has to be at the expense of another and this is a GIANT SEXIST TRAP DO NOT FALL FOR IT.

Talking of out, Kabby is also circling the drain and [averts eyes from discourse].

But I’m calling Diyoza’s ship name, and if she bangs Kane I hereby pronounce it TEQUILA [whatever Kane’s ship name is, someone hmu].

OK I need to talk about Gaia now before I get shot down by a thunderbolt. The girl creeps me tf out but I SOMEHOW LOVE HER NOW. This is new and unnerving because feverish religious types are not usually my jam ESPECIALLY if they present Clarke’s daughter with a creepy sacred flash drive that they want to insert in her neck, but somehow Tati Gabrielle nails that line, even if my reaction seeing the Flame was exactly the same as my reaction to seeing the worms.

But I believe Gaia’s intentions, while creepy, are pure. And WHO PICKED UP on how fluid her loyalty is? She will serve Blodreina faithfully as long as she reigns. Huh.

In other news McCreary, and more importantly McCreary’s undercut, were absent from this episode I hope they are both enjoying Memori’s couples counselling retreat. I look forward to seeing his glazed expression next week as I cry my Becho tears.

#rach reviews #507 #usm #is the tag #the100 #bellarke #clarke griffin #becho #bellamy blake #octavia blake #echo kom azgeda #raven reyes #morning reblog

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ships-sailing-in-the-night · 7 years ago

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Lucifer will have some competition this year.

When Lucifer returns for season 3, Tom Welling will make his debut as Marcus Pierce (Tom Welling), a devilishly charming police lieutenant who is also a potential love interest for Chloe (Lauren German). How will Lucifer (Tom Ellis) feel about that? Probably not great, to be honest, but Welling is loving it. Below, the Smallville alum dishes on why he chose Lucifer to make his TV return.

What was it about Lucifer that made you want to return to TV?

So this is going to sound cheesy, but it’s true. I had been in discussions with Fox on two other projects this year that didn’t work out — for one, I was too young and the other one I just wasn’t right for. On a Monday morning, I get a call from my agent and they say, “We have an offer for you for the show called Lucifer to do 10 episodes,” and I was like, “Okay, well, when does it start?” and they said, “Friday.” I was like, “Whoa, hold on a second,” and they go, “But, but, but, it shoots in L.A.,” which is good because I live in L.A. Having spent so much time in Vancouver, the idea of traveling to me isn’t a priority — in a sense, it’s luxury problems.

Anyway, shortly after I got a call from a very dear friend of mine, Greg Beeman, who was our showrunner on Smallville for many years and had directed episodes of Lucifer, and he goes, “I hear that your name’s in the mix to be on Lucifer. I know you, I’ve worked on the show, you’re going to love it, don’t overthink it.” So then I binge-watched about six episodes of the show, because I was familiar with the show, but they were like, “Take a look at these six that we recommend for you to watch, these are our favorites,” and I watched them all, and Wednesday morning the conversation was, “I don’t want to do 10 episodes,” and they said, “Well, you have to do 10, it’s 10 or nothing.” I said, “I want to do more, I want to do 15,” and so we signed on for 15 episodes, because I like it that much, and having met the cast and the crew they’re so much fun. They have a good time, they get their work done, they’re professional, but they’re enjoying themselves. I like the show, the show’s fun. It doesn’t take itself too seriously, but they solve bit crimes and their issues and stuff like that. So I don’t know if that answers your question, but it at least gives you a jumping-off point about how it happened.

Tell us about Marcus as a character.

Well, Marcus, by design, you’re not going to know too much about him. The cliché is you’re going to have to watch to see who he is in the end and it’ll be worth it. At first, he’s a disrupter. At the end of last season, the characters of Lucifer started to get along maybe a little too much and they told me they wanted to bring somebody in to mix it up. He’s definitely going to mix things up between Lucifer and Lauren’s character, Decker, as far as like a love interest possibility sort of thing. But what you’ll find at the end of the season is he is much more of a character and you’re never going to guess who he is, but he’s definitely somebody that Lucifer is going to realize is maybe older than Lucifer, if that makes any sense. I’ll tease that. He’s not God. He’s not God, for sure. He’s not that, but he’s something that you’ll find is very much on par, if not greater, than what Lucifer is.

The description of your character intimated that Lucifer and Marcus had a lot in common. They’re both devilishly charming.

Well, I just did a scene this morning where Decker literally calls me a d—k, so that’s at least how I start out, and that she’s taking the brunt of my d—kish ways. I start out maybe one way, but hopefully, I can bring some charm to him later on.

How similar or different is he from Lucifer and how does that cause them to butt heads?

The way that I see it is Lucifer, in some ways, comes in like, [in a mock British accent] “Hey, I’m Lucifer, I’m crazy, and I’m more powerful, I’m the devil, tell me what your desires are.” And Marcus is like, “Yeah, okay, anyway, let’s get the work done.” It’s taking the air out of the room, I think would be the difference. Where Lucifer brings it, he brings the energy to the room, my character sucks it out.

So he’s a little more straight-laced then?

I think so. Yeah, maybe a different goal than Lucifer has, a different global objective as far as the desire from a character point of view. He’s looking for something different than what Lucifer is looking for.

Can you say whether Marcus is good or bad?

Well, every character thinks he’s good, you know what I mean? He’s not necessarily doing bad things, to answer your question. He’s not hurting people necessarily, but definitely, if somebody gets in his way, he’ll take them out.

What’s more fun for you to play, the hero or the villain?

Well, right now, the villain. A friend of mine was asking me about the character and he was like, “Oh, so he’s a d—k?” and I was like, “He’s not just a d—k.” He goes, “No, but I see why you’d want to play that character because he’s very much different than what you’ve played for so many years,” and in some ways, that is true. He’s got a different energy, he’s got a different delivery, he’s not so much like open-eyed as far as like, “Oh my gosh, what’s happening?” He’s like “All right, this is what I’m going to do, this is what I’m going to make happen.” So it’s a different energy.

Was that part of the reason that you wanted to come back to TV, doing the complete opposite of Clark Kent?

I definitely didn’t want to play Clark Kent again. The great thing about Clark is he didn’t know who he was and he didn’t know what he was supposed to do with what he had and his abilities. This character very much knows what he’s capable of and knows what he wants to do and knows how to do it. So as much fun as that is to play, it wasn’t necessarily because of Clark that I chose this character. I think it was a number of things, it was the cast, the subject matter, the show, the showrunners, the Greg Beeman recommendation, the location. It was so many more factors than just “I don’t want to play Clark again,” but I’d be lying if I was saying that I’m not enjoying playing something very different for sure.

What can you tease of the dynamic between Chloe and Marcus?

Well, hopefully, it just puts everybody on their heels a little bit. At first, it’s not so obvious that there might be an attraction between Decker and Pierce, but it’s hinted in other ways. It’s television, so of course, there’s going to be that. I mean, we all expect a little bit of that. But I think wherein most shows somebody just comes in and all of a sudden it’s like, “Oh, they meet at a bar and there’s a new love interest,” it’s almost like the reverse where hopefully you’re not going to see the beginning. It’s not that they’re gazing into each other’s eyes at the beginning. If anything, he’s a very authoritative, demanding boss that just wants results and doesn’t really care what she has to say about anything other than what the case is and what’s going on. The scene this morning was, “Decker, where are we on the case?” And she says, “Yeah, we’re doing this.” I’m like, “Oh, you don’t have any suspects in custody yet?” And she goes, “No,” and his response is, “I thought you’d be further along” and just walks past her. She’s kind of like, “What the f—k, why is he such a d—k?” Things may or may not heat up.

Is this strategic? Maybe he has it out for Lucifer so getting close to Decker is part of his game plan?

Maybe. [Laughs] You’re not sure. The big question that even I had in talking to the showrunners was who is this guy and why is he here? Their answer was awesome. I can’t tell you because it ruins everything, but he’s definitely there for a very specific reason and Lucifer is part of that, Decker is a part of that, but you’ll find out that it’s something even bigger.

Can he be trusted? And does he suspect or know what Lucifer is?

Well, we did a scene last week where my character shows up in Lucifer’s apartment and Lucifer goes, “Oh, finally somebody actually believes that I am who I say I am, I’m the devil himself,” and Pierce says, “No, actually, I’m not crazy, I have no idea why you prance around in that and call yourself the devil, but anyway,” and just sort of moves on. So you don’t know how much Pierce knows or doesn’t know, but you get a sense that he needs a little something from everybody to get what he wants.

Lucifer returns Monday at 8 p.m. ET on Fox.

#lucifer spoilers #lucifer season 3 #lt marcus pierce #tom welling

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together-forevermore-blog · 7 years ago

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Re-watch Wednesday: My Favorite “The 100″ Episodes – “Murphy’s Law”

Disclaimer: Since this is part of a re-watch that I’m doing between Season 4 and Season 5 of “The 100,” my comments will reflect that and range from reprimanding, praising, and laughing with/at characters to picking apart a line/scene. References will be made to later episodes so SPOILERS are plentiful. (Unless life gets too crazy, there will be 2 re-watches a week until the Season 5 premiere)

The 100: 1x04 – Murphy’s Law (aka the “Whatever the hell we want doesn’t work” episode)

Why it’s a favorite: It’s the beginning of Clarke and Bellamy working as a team, sets the foundation for Bellamy and Murphy’s relationship, and the repercussions from events and decisions made are still seen and felt in Season 4.

We start the episode to a pan of the blockade wall surrounding the dropship camp. Various pieces of metal – scraps and ladder, fabric and wood have been placed wherever they work or fit. It’s glaringly obvious that it was constructed by those who weren’t knowledgeable about construction. And while it’s astounding that they built anything of its scale, I can’t help but wonder: were they really naïve enough to think it would protect them? Or were they hoping it would give them a delay? Traps would’ve been a good idea. But did they know how to build any? It’s a sharp reminder of how ill-prepared they were. Only later do we learn about their Earth Skills training but I’m guessing they wished they’d paid closer attention now that they’ve landed, learned they aren’t alone on Earth and that they’re not welcome additions to the planet.

Clarke kneeling at Wells’ grave – It serves as a reminder of what happened in the previous episode. Not just Charlotte killing Wells, but also Clarke finally figuring out that Wells lied about who turned her father in to protect her from knowing the truth. Sacrificing their friendship and letting her hate him. And as the camera pans over to Clarke kneeling at the foot of his grave, we see her lost in her thoughts about Wells and more than likely, her regrets about how she treated him and the time they lost as friends because of her assumptions of his guilt.

Damn, Finn! You’d think by now that you would know not to sneak up behind people. Especially when the one you pine over is kneeling by the grave of her friend who was supposedly killed by Grounders!

The Art Supply Store – OMG! I’d completely forgotten that we learn about the Art Supply Store in this episode! And just like that, my excitement over remembering the significance of the place is smacked away with Clarke’s reminiscing about Wells giving her art supplies on the Ark. How he traded his own stuff to get her those supplies. . .And again, I have to remind myself that the book and the series are each there own entities and that at least I have the option of opening a book if I want to get a Wells fix. I digress.

“My mother killed my father.” – I’m going to get technical here. She turned him in which lead to him getting killed, but she knew that by turning him in that he would be floated. But she didn’t actually pull the trigger, stick him with a knife, or in this case – push the button that floated him. And I think that’s what eventually gets Clarke to move past this realization that her mom killed her father. And also the fact that as Clarke becomes more of a leader she faces decisions that make her realize that doing what is needed to survive sometimes makes you do things that you could never imagine, goes against your beliefs and sometimes your better judgement. But at this moment she’s hurt and angry and she finds the most effective way that she can make her mom feel her pain.

Ah, Murphy! You never fail to disappoint. Pissing on a guy who needed a water break, just because you can. All right in front of Charlotte. And they make it a point to show her expression as Murphy tells the guy to get over it and yells at everyone to get back to work. The look of someone disgusted and not happy about the fact that they can’t do anything to stop it.

My poor adorkable Jaspy! Octavia helps you to venture outside the protective walls of the camp, only to be confronted by a prank and then a couple of cut off fingers on the ground.

Kane: the busybody, the “I’m tracking everyone,” ready to stick it to everyone guy that everybody loves. . .well, maybe not. But at least he has the bad guard. What’s his name again? Oh that’s right. Commander Shumway. I bet they’re both a hoot at parties.

“The less you know, the better.” – The 100 equivalent to saying “This is going to blow up in our faces.”

“Like it or not thinking the Grounders killed Wells is good for us.” – I could go on and on about the comparison to this argument and the one Bellamy makes to her in 4x01, but I’ll save that for a later time. I do wonder though that if he’d gone about it differently; tried to reason with her about people forming a lynch mob instead of making it about needing people to stay focused on building the wall, he might have convinced her to heed his warning. Or at least make her pause before she goes out and confronts Murphy in front of everyone.

Yeah, this is where that “First son. First to dye.” declaration from 1x01 comes back to bite Murphy in his ass. And I think this is par for him. He constantly does stuff in the moment that makes him feel good and better about himself. Things that hide his insecurities, usually by trying to make others feel lesser about themselves. The “I’m in charge, can do anything I want and you can’t stop it.” mentality. Because he’s scared of losing it (power) and without it he won’t “belong.” And how quickly people remember all the things he’s done that point to his guilt. Trying to kill Jasper, bullying people into working, peeing on a guy that needs a drink of water. . .So when he tries to convince Bellamy that he didn’t do it, nobody believes him (or wants to).

From the look on her face before, you’d think Charlotte would be with the crowd in wanting to see Murphy get some kind of payback. But there’s only signs of worry and distress on her face as they carry and roll Murphy away. Her worry turns to disbelief as the crowd chants for Bellamy to kick the box out from under Murphy and Clarke pleads with him to stop it. It’s the disbelief that surprises me. It points to her moving past her acting selfishly and that’s surprising when you think about the fact that she killed a guy because his dad’s actions caused her nightmares. Only in the horror of this moment, of seeing the crowd turn on Murphy and him swinging from a rope is she able to think of someone else.

And then the look of realization that she’s probably next to hang after she admits that she killed Wells. . .The mommy in me comes out when I watch this happen.

“I need a pressure regulator.” “What for?” “Regulating Pressure.” – Lol! It cracks me up every time!

“I was just trying to slay my demons” – Charlotte “I was just giving the people what they wanted.” – Bellamy: Justifications for killing and trying to kill someone. I’ve got to admit, I’m conflicted a little with Charlotte because she’s arguably young enough to not fully grasp the consequences of her actions. And I wonder if that’s part of the uneasiness and reluctance from the crowd when Murphy suggests that they “see the real murderer hung up.” But Bellamy? He waylays into Clarke about how she confronted Murphy when he’s just as guilty of not thinking through his decisions. Don’t get me wrong. I’m a Bellamy fan. He’s my favorite character. But at this point I have a hard time liking him. Good thing for him that The 100 is big on character transformations.

OMG! I just realized that Murphy punches Jasper after hitting Bellamy over the head with a piece of wood. Not cool, Murphy! Someone please wrap Jasper in some bubble wrap.

Dun. Dun. Dun. – Charlotte’s escaped with Clarke and Finn. The old escape through the back flap in the tent trick.

Again with the “The less you know, the better.” declaration. This time from Abby. Y’all are tempting fate, you know that right? Or at least maybe The 100 writers.

Clarke refusing to hold Charlotte’s hand and then her reprimand: “You killed someone, Charlotte! Ended his life! Did you stop to think about that for even one second?! Look at me! You can’t just kill someone to make yourself feel better!” – The look on Charlotte’s face. It’s heartbreaking. I think this is when the consequences of her actions really hit her. Up until now, she could convince herself that everything would be okay even though there’s someone chasing them that wants to hang her. Clarke, Bellamy, and Finn will still accept her. After all, they’re trying to hide her from Murphy and keeping her safe. But that illusion evaporates when Clarke refuses to comfort her by returning her hand hold and then scolds her for her actions.

Hiding out in the Art Supply Store – I like how it allows for the opportunity for the characters to have a moment to slow down and reflect. Clarke admitting that Bellamy knew better than her and that there needs to be consequences for actions or this is just going to keep on happening. And then there’s Finn’s hope that they figure out how to resolve all of this “before Murphy kills us for helping her.” which Charlotte very much hears. Further pounding it in to her that there’s no escaping what she did and that she needs to take responsibility for her actions. Because if she doesn’t, people she cares about will get hurt, or worse, killed. It distressed her to witness the hanging of a guy who she didn’t care for and she feels guilty for it. How much more so would she feel if that happened to Clarke or Finn? People she actually cares about.

Kane has a mother? And she seems like a nice lady? Dude! What happened? Maybe he’s more like his dad?

“He’s here to see me, Vera. Go on with your mumbo-jumbo.” – I wish we’d gotten to see more of Nygel.

I also wish we’d gotten another beat before Clarke’s happiness of waking up with her head on Finn’s shoulder was stolen away. But at least there was a smile.

Abby: always willing to do whatever’s necessary to make sure that they make it to Earth and survive. Including sacrificing her life so Raven can make it down to Earth and prove that living there is possible.

Charlotte’s fears come true – Murphy holds a knife to Clarke’s throat and threatens to slit it. I’ll admit that I held my breath when I first watched this scene. I didn’t know if Finn or Bellamy would miraculously somehow get Clarke away from Murphy or if Charlotte would give herself up to him. If Bellamy hadn’t have stopped her, I think she would’ve given herself up to Murphy. It was a standoff. Murphy wouldn’t let Clarke go, Bellamy wouldn’t let Charlotte give herself up. So she did what I never saw coming.

“I can’t let any of you get hurt anymore. Not because of me. Not after what I did.” – I’m not kidding, I think I sat with my mouth hanging open the rest of the episode when I first watched Charlotte jump off the cliff. The kid that killed a person to stop her nightmares sacrifices herself to save others. . .It was just so shocking to me. And I missed several things that happened after that because I was too shocked to notice them. Finn’s “Damnit!” expression. Murphy’s look of “I can’t believe it” mixed with “Holy shit!” as Clarke and Bellamy grieve over what just happened.

Bellamy’s grief turns to rage and Murphy’s face becomes the target and method of release from everything that’s been building up until that moment. He’s angry at what’s happened, blames Murphy for forcing what happened, Clarke for not listening to him, and, knowing Bellamy, he must blame himself too. I honestly thought he would kill Murphy as angry as he was. Thank god for Finn pulling him away.

And then we get to what Charlotte’s sacrifice leads to: they reject the way things are done on the Ark and decide to lead together. Not really having any idea what that decision will eventually lead them to.

I always forget until the end of this episode that it’s the one where Finn gets upset about the wristbands frying and has a meltdown that ends up with him and Clarke sleeping together. I think it’s a natural reaction for them. They’ve obviously had an attraction to each other and are scared that there’s no possibility of their loved ones joining them. Sadly, with all that happens with him, Raven and Clarke after this episode, this ends up being one of the last times that I look at Finn as the “Cool Finn” that we’re introduced to in the first couple of episodes. It’s not until we get to Spacewalker that his character makes it full circle (just my personal feelings about him though).

#the 100 #cw the 100 #the 100 - murphy's law #the 100 - 1x04 #rewatch wednesday #my gifs #clarke griffin #charlotte #bellamy blake #john murphy #finn collins #octavia blake #jasper jordan #wells jaha #spoilers

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darklygophilia · 7 years ago

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Hello I would love your opinion on that double date tommy and LL had with oliver and Helena in season 1. I get the impression that LL was marking her territory so to speak even though she didn't notice how uncomfortable tommy looked. Poor guy he deserved better.

Well, let me just say, back in S1 I was all for the Merlance ship. Tommy clearly cared for AND loved Laurel. She gave him a reason to grow up & be an adult. And Tommy made Laurel likable. The scenes Laurel was with Tommy, I actually liked. Not just b/c Laurel & Tommy actually had chemistry (unlike Lauriver which, well…did NOT) but the writing between the two of them was spot on. It’s my firm belief that people shouldn’t change themselves for someone else, you should still be allowed to be yourself. That’s why Lauriver never worked, & never could work, b/c Laurel was always pushing Ollie to become better when that was really something he should’ve done all on his own (plus, Ollie clearly wasn’t ready to become better, he had to do that all on his own). Tommy chose to change, he came to that conclusion all on his own, & it wasn’t even all about Laurel. Remember that scene when Tommy is asking Laurel’s opinion on throwing that charity ball for CNRI, he talks about how he was tired of the emotionless existence he was living. He came to the conclusion that he wanted more all on his own, it just so happened he wanted more with Laurel.

It’s when the change happens all on its own & for the better of THAT person, when it’s best. Ollie changed into Oliver long before he came back from his five years of hell. However, whenever he was around Sara or Laurel, Ollie would rear his ugly head (& hair) & he’d revert back temporarily to pre-island-Ollie. He was only ever fully Oliver when he wasn’t around Laurel (which says something, IMO). His change happened in part b/c of the Island, as well as Digg & Felicity’s influence - but, still, the change happened b/c Oliver wanted to change. He never wanted to grow up with Laurel, if anything her constant forgiveness & ignoring his behavior downright enabled it. That’s why Lauriver never worked.

So, yeah in S1, despite that double date with Oliver/Helena & Tommy/Laurel where, yes - I agree - it did feel like she was marking her territory (to answer your question), I still felt like Merlance was good for each other. Just like Olicity was good for each other. In S2 it felt like Laurel was addressing her own guilt over betraying Tommy (in an entirely self-destructive way) through her addiction. However, as the series went on, & as Laurel CONTINUED to pine for Ollie in the shadows, Merlance became less romantic & far more tragic. At least in regards to Tommy, b/c he did deserve better. Laurel didn’t love him! By the end of S3 (& after re-watching S1) Merlance felt more like it was Laurel’s way of trying to get back at Oliver.

Between the Merlance ship, Tommy was the only one that was actually committed to the relationship. Yes, I do believe that if you’re with someone, but you’re wishing you were with someone else, or thinking about someone else in a romantic way (Laurel pining for Ollie) then THAT is a form of mental cheating! I don’t mean in a strict sense. Despite being with someone, we all (every now & then) check out a guy/girl that passes by. But, that’s it. We are only human after all. But, Laurel was actively pining for someone else when she was supposed to be in a committed relationship with Tommy. Think of “Gone With the Wind” - Scarlett was married to Rhett, but she spent their entire marriage actively pining for Ashley (that’s what I’d call mental cheating). When it’s THAT constant, than yes it’s a problem in a relationship. Which is why I could never feel sorry or sympathize with Laurel over Ollie cheating on her with Sara (or anyone else for that matter). B/c 1) Laurel proved to be just as much a liar & just as manipulative as Ollie; & 2) Laurel willingly entered (& downright encouraged) a love triangle between two BFFs who were practically brothers (hell, Tommy/Oliver share a half-sister, the the parallel is sound). Then at the end of S1, after she’s spent multiple episodes claiming her love for Tommy & how she wants them to get back together, how she wants them to work as a couple - then she just (quite literally) falls into Ollie’s arms the moment he shows up. After going to Tommy & practically begging him to come back! Laurel proved she was no better than Ollie & Sara!

With all that said, yes, it did feel like that particular double date was awkward. Not just b/c Oliver was trying to respect Laurel’s decision to be with Tommy (if you re-watch that scene, Laurel’s the one bringing up all those Lauriver memories, not Oliver) but b/c Laurel is clearly uncomfortable with Ollie dating someone else. Which isn’t fair to Tommy or Oliver. I always felt like Laurel was right on par with Lana Lang from Smallville. She doesn’t like Ollie lying to her & keeping secrets b/c then she doesn’t want to be with him, but she also doesn’t want any other woman to have him. Lana was the same way with Clark - she hated that he kept secrets/lied & therefore she couldn’t be with him, but she also didn’t like it when he was with any other woman. Essentially, she didn’t want him, but no one else could have him either. How is that fair? It’s not!

By the end of S4, my stance on Merlance was altered yet again! We learn that Laurel shows absolutely NO guilt over Tommy’s death (he died to save her, for fucks sake), & she doesn’t even have any guilt over betraying him. Also, before this gets pinned on the show writers, this one is entirely on KC herself. It’s been told by the writers & producers that KC had a lot of input during her final episodes in S4. She’s the one that came up with that horrible line about Ollie still being the love of Laurel’s life. Essentially, KC wanted Laurel to mean something for Ollie, she wanted laurel to have some impact on his life, which is why Tommy’s character is entirely railroaded in 4x18/4x19.

It’s revealed that Laurel begins her addiction not b/c of any guilt over Tommy, or even heartbreak over loosing him. Nope! It’s all b/c Ollie left her (again). Not only does this put her right on par with “Twilight’s” Bella Swan (a girl who wanted to kill herself just b/c her boyfriend dumped her), but it also took away any chance that Laurel could ever be a genuine, strong, empowering female character. Just look at her arc throughout the entirety of the show: S1 was all about being a love interest in a tug of war between two guys, S2 was all about Tommy’s death & getting revenge, S3 was all about Sara’s death & getting revenge as well as blaming Ollie for practically everything, S4 was all about her dying b/c of her father & Dhark, S5 she was just the trophy wife in Ollie’s fantasy world. Seriously, not a single arc was about her as a woman, or a person. It was all about other characters in her life, almost all of which were guys. That’s not empowering that Laurel (the writers) made her life center around men (Ollie, Tommy, her father)!

Now, most of this has to do with the writers of the show, as I’ve always said. Laurel was written by men, for men - which, IMO, is the main problem her character failed. She had a lot of potential, though. “I mourn what she could’ve been” has always been my stance on the Laurel Lance character.

Anyway, those are my long, unnecessary thoughts on the subject. In case anyone hasn’t noticed, I tend to give really fucking long answers to any question I’m asked. Lol.

#TommyDeservedBetter

#anti-Laurel Lance #anti-Katie Cassidy #Just To Be Safe #Anonymous #Mini-Meta #Tommy Deserved Better

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news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog · 7 years ago

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My favorite thing about 'Fifty Shades Freed' is how terrible everyone is at their job

Warning: Spoilers follow for Fifty Shades Freed.

If there's one thing you should take away from Fifty Shades Freed, it's this: No matter how bad you are at your job, you're still not as bad as literally every single character in this movie.

Fifty Shades is a veritable orgy of ineptitude and unprofessionalism – which might not be a problem, except that the film also insists on showing everyone at work all the time.

SEE ALSO: The absolutely savage things critics said about 'Fifty Shades Freed' will have you LOLing

Multiple scenes are devoted to Ana explaining that it's extremely important for her to work; Christian is routinely praised for his brilliant business instincts. Plus, since they're the kind of couple who barely has any outside friends, most of the people surrounding them are people also at work – employees, colleagues, public servants.

So here's to the terrible employees of Fifty Shades Freed. It's time they were recognized for the absolutely awful work they're doing. Below, a ranking of Fifty Shades' many employed people, from least-bad to the absolute worst.

SEE ALSO: Ana and Christian are *that* couple in weird new 'Fifty Shades Freed' trailer

The banker

I'm not sure how good he is as an actual banker, but three cheers for this man who goes above and beyond, even sacrificing his phone for Ana's well-being. I hope the Greys did the nice thing and replaced it with a brand-new iPhone X.

I don't love that he snitches on Ana when she tries to withdraw the money, but we'll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that they do not have a joint account. (Controlling Ana by the purse strings is exactly the kind of asshole power play that Christian would pull.)

Boyce Fox

His book is selling and he behaves politely during a business meeting. Around here, that kind of bare-minimum competence makes him a paragon of professionalism.

Ana's doctor

Eh, look, the lady's been administering the contraceptive shots on schedule; it's not her fault her patient flaked out, stopped coming, and got pregnant.

Taylor

Taylor continues to act unfazed by his weird boss, while successfully driving him around and running his creepy errands. This has the potential to set up a Remains of the Day situation, where an aging Taylor looks back on his life in service with unspeakable regret. But he is getting the job done for now, so ... sure.

Hannah

Hannah's job consists of stuff like fetching lattes, canceling meetings, and organizing the many, many piles of paper on Ana's desk. She is fine at these things, and even finds time to make double entendres about Ana's hot bodyguard.

I'm giving her extra credit for doing all of this without complaint, which is more than I'd manage in her position. Which, in case you forgot Fifty Shades Darker, is serving as an assistant to a less-qualified colleague who used to be her equal.

The Seattle Independent Press HR and IT departments

Ana comes back from her honeymoon to discover that in her absence, her company has promoted her into a new position, rearranged her office, and changed her email address – all without so much as sending her a Slack notification, let alone, y'know, asking her if she wanted a new job with new responsibilities. This is not how work works!

Mrs. Jones

Christian's cook wants to reassure Ana that this is her home now, and that she will do anything in her power to make Ana comfortable. Ana asks Mrs. Jones to call her "Ana" instead of "Mrs. Grey." Mrs. Jones immediately rejects this request because "Well, I call your husband Mr. Grey, so ..."

Also, at no point do we actually see Mrs. Jones cook anything, since Ana and Christian are constantly sending her home so they can cook for each other. Why are they still paying her?!

Kate Kavanagh

Technically, Kate doesn't do any actual work in Fifty Shades. But in keeping with the theme of this post, I, too, am trying to be very bad at my job, so I am including her here. It's Kate's incompetence, after all, that got us all into this mess to begin with.

In the first Fifty Shades, she's scheduled to interview Christian, but gets sick. So instead of calling up a colleague to sub in for her, she presses Ana, who's never interviewed anyone in her life, to visit Christian and read the questions for her. Questions like "Do you have any interests outside of work?" and "Are you gay?"

Anastasia Grey (née Steele)

The single biggest laugh at my screening came when Christian earnestly tells Ana that she got her promotion through "hard work and talent," not her connections. Because, really: What work?

Most of Ana's time in the office is spent canceling appointments because of Christian-related shenanigans, cutting meetings short because of Christian-related shenanigans, and managing Christian's ego when he doesn't think she devotes enough time to Christian-related shenanigans.

The one time we see Ana doing actual work, it's just to tell someone to "make the font two sizes bigger in the hardcover." Just try not to be blown away by that kind of ambitious, out-of-the-box thinking!!!

Than again, maybe she's not working because she can't, because her office is filled with stacks of paper and no computer. This is an especially egregious oversight considering previous films were filled with Apple products – there's one scene in Darker that's basically just an unboxing video for a shiny new MacBook. I guess the company pulled its product placement deal.

Jerry Roach

Oh, Jerry. I want to be nicer to Jerry since he's one of the few male characters in Fifty Shades who doesn't come across like a secret serial killer. But Jerry is very bad at running a publishing house!

In Fifty Shades Darker, his mind was blown when Ana made the radical suggestion that they ... try growing their business. In this one, he is extremely impressed that Ana's risky gambit of signing a popular author has paid off.

Detective Clark (and, honestly, the entire Seattle police department)

At one point in the movie, Christian Grey calls the police to point out that it's probably not a coincidence that his sister has gone missing and his wife has withdrawn $5 million in cash on the same day that a violent criminal who's been stalking their family for months got out on bail.

Literally what have these people even been doing this whole time.

Gia Matteo

Gia Matteo is a world-renown architect who's worked on many "prestige projects." Yet when she's hired to renovate the Greys' new home, it never occurs to her to ask her clients what they want before going ahead and drawing up complicated plans that, surprise surprise, turn out to be exactly the opposite of what her clients want.

After all that, Gia never even ends up designing anything. She briefly resurfaces for a scene with Christian's brother, and then disappears again. We never find out what happened to the house.

Sawyer

We had such high hopes for Sawyer. Alas – I've met housecats that were harder to outwit than this "security expert." At one point, Ana needs to lure him into a different room so that she can slip out unnoticed. She calls him from like ten feet away, and he is instantly fooled!

Plus, he's a snitch. When Ana goes out for drinks, after promising Christian she wouldn't, Sawyer immediately tells on her to Christian. Come the fuck on, dude.

Actually, the entire Grey security team

Come to think of it, Sawyer is not the only blundering bodyguard in the Greys' employ. Every member of this family has a personal security team, and yet there are like three different instances in which these guards lose their charges.

They lose Ana on the road, and then lose the car that was trailing Ana. They either fail to notice that Mia has gone missing, or fail to tell anyone. At one point, these people lose Ana in her own house, even though she wasn't even really hiding – just lying on a couch in a locked room that no one thought to check.

Christian Grey

After watching all three of these movies and reading half the first book, I still haven't the faintest idea what Christian Grey actually does, besides stare out of skyscraper windows looking troubled. Nor could I tell you anything about Grey Enterprises, other than that Gia is a big fan of their work in Africa. He might as well be Vincent Adultman toiling away at the business factory.

Like his wife, he spends most of his day obsessing about their relationship – running over to her office to scold her for not paying attention to him, driving over to her office to whisk her away on surprise vacation, planning last-minute business trips so he can try and force her to come along.

I'm all for striking a good work-life balance, but this is just ridiculous. Even the dude who wrote that book about the four-hour work week is like, okay, but you know you still have to put those four hours in, right?

For all of this, Christian is paid well enough that he can buy jets and homes as casually as you or I might buy a latte. If the Grey Enterprises board of directors had half a brain between them, they'd vote to oust him before he could say "red."

Then again, keeping this guy in power does seem par for the course in a world as bad at work as the Fifty Shades one is.

WATCH: Here are 6 sexy movies to watch instead of 'Fifty Shades' that are sure to put you in the mood

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