#I’d draw him being all happy but I have to finish his birthday surprise c

[a-usernamelol]

Happy Birthday Allan!!! 🧨

ROFL

I SWEAR ONCE I POST ALLANS BDAY SURPRISE IM REBLOGGING THIS AGAIN BECAUSE THERE IS I R O N Y HERE AAAAAH

Thats actually so cute and funny LMAO

GOOD SOUP GOOD SOUP

[cafedanslanuit]

♡   —   pairing: mitsuya x reader

♡   —   tags/warnings: gn reader + no pronouns, birthdays, mitsuya owns his shop, fluff, very soft

♡   —   words: 0.9k

♡   —   a/n: this was written for my lovely @lemonadefortwo it's still your birthday in my country so HAH jokes on u (?? dfjkhds hope you like it and that it was a nice surprise!!! c:

♡   —  masterlist

It doesn’t take much time until you finish cleaning up once your friends left. They didn’t want you to do most of the work on your birthday, so by the time they were gone, there were only a few things that were out of place― a couple of pillows and a chair that was facing the wrong way. you were thankful they had been so considerate; you wouldn’t have had the energy to clean everything on your own anyway. Now that the laughter was over, the idea of settling in bed and watching something until you fell asleep seemed as good an idea as any.

A knock on the door stops you on your way to your bedroom and you take a moment to look around your living room. Did any of your friends leave something behind? It didn’t seem so, but maybe there was a forgotten wallet or some earring in the kitchen you didn’t notice. Humming, as you try to guess which of your friends was the one that forgot an item, you walk to the door and open it without a second thought.

Out of all of the options running around your mind, a pair of lilac eyes are the last thing you were expecting to meet.

“Hey,” Mitsuya says, a soft smile drawing on his lips. “Happy birthday.”

Even if you know it was impossible, you hope he can’t tell how overwhelmingly fast your heart is beating.

“Hey,” you grin. “Thought you were working tonight.”

“I am. But I took a small break― wanted to bring you these.”

The hand he was keeping behind his back suddenly comes into the picture as he reveals a small bouquet of flowers. Your face warms up as you take them carefully, taking a moment to admire how beautiful the flowers are. If you’re not mistaken, they are tulips, five of them and so very red that you can’t help but wonder if it’s because he remembers your favourite colours. They’re wrapped in sheer, white fabric, helping with the ethereal feelings they give.

“Thank you,” you say, holding them close to your chest. “I like them. I really, really do.” You know your words don’t convey the true magnitude of your feelings, but hope that he somehow understands the deepness of your emotions.

By the way his lip quirk upwards, you think he maybe does.

“You want to come inside?” you offer, but his lips turn into a small pout.

“Wish I could,” he sighs, resting his weight on one of his legs. “I’m pulling an all-nighter at the shop― I really have to finish this project by tomorrow morning or else, I’d definitely stay.” Mitsuya bites his bottom lips, his face filled with guilt. “I’m sorry.”

You shake your head. “It’s okay! You have nothing to be sorry about.”

“That’s also why I could only bring you flowers tonight and―”

“Mitsuya.”

Your voice brings his eyes back to yours and, for the first time, you notice the insecurity in them.

“It’s okay,” you reassure him. “Means a lot you stopped by, especially if you were busy. And the flowers are beautiful― they’re not only flowers. I love them. This was very thoughtful of you.”

“Okay,” he sighs, a small smile appearing on his face. He takes a deep breath and looks around the building, gaining a little bit of confidence before he looks back at you.  “I lied, by the way,” he says, his voice wavering the slightest bit in the end.

You blink.

“Huh?”

“I lied about the flowers― about them being the only thing I had for you,” he explains. The more Mitsuya talks, his cheeks and nose start imitating the tulips’ colour and a funny feeling starts twirling inside your chest . “I do have something else I want to give.”

You wish to ask what he’s trying to say but, as soon as you part your lips to speak, Mitsuya presses his against yours. It’s short-- over before you can understand how it came to this, before your brain wraps around the idea that the friend you’ve been in love with during all this time is kissing you on your doorstep on the day of your birthday. Your hands are holding the bouquet as a lifeline, still dazed at the interaction and wondering if it was part of a very intricate daydreaming spell.

Even if the jury is still out on your thoughts about the situation, you can’t help the smile that forms on your face. Mitsuya notices this and lets out a small chuckle.

“Fuck, I hate I have to go,” he whispers, passing a hand through his hair. “When you look like that, I really want to kiss you again.”

“I’ll walk you,” you say. Any other day, the offer might’ve come too fast for your liking, but you have different priorities now.

“To my shop? I rode my bike here.”

“I’ll walk you downstairs. To your bike.” A pause. You hope your message is getting across. “We can take the elevator.”

One, two, three. It takes three seconds for Mitsuya to understand your implication but, once he does, his boyish grin splashes on his face.

“Okay. Walk me down, then.”

It takes no time for you to leave the bouquet of tulips on the table near the door and take your keys before you close your apartment. A mischievous silence reigns inside your building corridor as he presses the elevator button and both of you wait for it to reach your floor. The moment it does, he gently guides you inside by softly pressing his hand against the small of your back. You turn to look into his lilac eyes and, balancing on your heels, you feel the words come out of your mouth on their own accord.

“I really like you.”

Before the doors close, his lips meet yours once more.

[anxiety-and-witchcraft]

Frosty fever

This is a guardians Frozen Fever AU requested by @ineedtorename with Jack as Elsa, Human!Tooth (So still half hummingbird but she has slightly more human features and long, multicoloured hair behind kinda a crown of feathers, because I want her to be) as Anna because I heavily ship rainbow snowcone and need Jack to be organising his BFF and secret crush’s Bday party, and North, Bunny and Sandy as the boys in no particular order. Obviously, it takes place in the tooth palace and the village below it rather than Arendelle, and it’s not going to be song dialogue because Rise of the Guardians isn’t a musical. Going under a cut for length, which I just learned how to do :) P.S, Rainbow and Snowcone are now their nicknames for each other because I am devious.

“Okay, it’s almost time!” Jack exclaimed in a mixture of excitement and nervousness. He’d been feeling a bit off all morning – runny nose, bit of a headache etc. – but he’d just passed it off as the beginnings of hayfever season. He was the spirit of winter – he didn’t get colds, and there was nothing else it could be.

“North, Bunny, how’s the banner going?”

“Is all good, Jack, don’t worry.” North replied as he hung huge sheets of paper with colourful letters painted on them on a rope strung between two of the tooth palace’s golden pillars. The mini fairies all flitted around making sure it was secure,  dotting bird-of-paradise flowers around along with any others  that matched tooth’s feathers, and hanging colourful bunches of balloons.

“Yeah, we got this, mate, don’t worry.” Bunny added, crouched down to paint the remaining three letters.

Sandy was over by the cake, sneakily picking off some of the sugar-free sweets they’d used as decoration.

Jack sniffed and rubbed his nose. “I’m not worried! I’m not worried…”

Sandy looked sceptically at him.

“I’m not! Really!”

“You’ve already checked food layout three times.” North pointed out. “I’d say you were worried.”

‘Either that, or you’ve got a cold.’

“I don’t get colds, Sandy, I’m fine. And stop dismantling the cake, you can have a slice later!”

The sandman rolled his eyes and floated up to put some sparkly sand on the banner. That, and the combination of blue, turquoise and green paints Bunny had used, now made it look like Tooth’s feathers.

“Perfect!” Jack gasped. “Imma go wake Tooth up, just try and handle everything until we arrive.”

“Relax, Jack, we got this.” North affirmed and Bunny and Sandy nodded.

***

Jack chuckled to himself as he crept into Tooth’s room and picked a cushion up from her window seat.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TOOTH!!!” he yelled, throwing the cushion directly at the now wakeful tooth fairy’s face.

“Oof…morning, snowcone…couldn’t think of a gentler way to wake me up, could you?”

Jack tossed a colourful dress at her. “Get changed and meet me outside in ten minutes.”

He then hurried outside, leaving Tooth to flop back down on her bed and inwardly complain about being woken up at 7:30 in the morning on her birthday.

***

“Tada! How do I look?”

“Wow…I-I mean, yeah, you look great!” Great job, idiot. Real smooth.

Tooth had just come out wearing her new dress, and Jack’s ears were already burning scarlet, his equivalent to blushing furiously.

Tooth’s dress was…well, beautiful. It was an off the shoulder knee-length one with a slight petticoat under the skirt, making it puff out ever so slightly. It was a gradient of light turquoise at the top to dark bluish green at the hem of the skirt, which had a pattern of gold teeth shapes embroidered onto it. There was a gold ribbon around the waist which tied into a floppy bow at the back, and the sleeves were made up of another gold ribbon which rested just below Tooth’s shoulders. All in all, she looked even more dazzling than usual, which Jack admittingly didn’t think was possible.

“Right! Bunny helped me hide a bunch of presents, and now we’re going to find them!” Jack explained excitedly.

“How?”

Jack held up the end of a red string that Tooth now saw led all the way through her palace and down to the village below it.

“Just follow the string!” he answered, right before letting out a rather large sneeze.

“Jack, do you have a cold?” Tooth asked concernedly. Jack sniffed and shook his head.

“Psshh, I don’t get colds, probably just pollen or something. Shall we?”

Before Tooth had time to object, he was already pulling her away on her presents trail. They didn’t notice the tiny snowgy who swiftly ran towards where the others were finishing the party.

Now I’m assuming if you’ve read this, you’ve watched Frozen Fever, so you’ll know what happens next. Jack leads Tooth on a complicated trail of presents, insisting that he’s fine as his cold gets progressively worse, while the growing army of snowgies try to get to the cake, Tooth starts to get very worried and they eventually end up at the clock tower.

“C-Come on, now we cliiimb!” Jack slurred, stumbling as he pointed to the clock tower with one hand and pulled Tooth along by her free arm with the other.

“Jack, that’s enough, you’re sick! We have to go home!” Tooth struggled to hold all her numerous presents and a half-eaten sandwich as Jack ploughed onwards, looking like he was halfway to falling over. His hair was sticking up even more than normal, his nose resembled a tomato, his eyes were puffy and hazy and his hand in Tooth’s didn’t feel nearly as cold as normal. It was blatantly obvious he shouldn’t be taking another step, let alone climbing a clock tower, but Tooth had learned by now that nothing could distract him from what he was doing when he was this stubbornly set on it.

“No, we have to get to out birthday chills, I mean thrills!”

By now they were halfway up the tower, Jack let go of Tooth’s hand to go further up than her.

“Follow the string to the end, you are my very best friend!”

“Jack?!”

“What? I’m fiiiine…”

They went out onto the top of the tower, and Tooth could see the most beautiful sunset ever as the star sunk behind a mountain in the distance, casting the sky into pink, orange and gold. This isn’t nearly as beautiful as you, though. Jack had planned to say.

Speaking of the winter spirit, he was tottering dangerously close to the edge of the platform.

Tooth dropped all of her presents with a gasp and shot over, wings buzzing furiously, to push Jack back onto the tower. Jack sniffled and sat with his head hung as Tooth sank to the ground next to him and wrapped her arms around him.

“Now, will you admit it?”

“Okay…” Jack sighed congestedly. “I have a cold…ugh.”

“You’re warm too…come on, back to the palace.”

Jack picked up his staff and waved the Wind over to help direct him and Tooth back to the Tooth Palace.

***

“I’m sorry, rainbow. I just wanted to make your birthday perfect…but I ruined it.” Jack groaned as they landed around the corner from where Bunny, North and Sandy were, unknown by him and Tooth, desperately trying to protect the cake and the banner from the snowgies.

“Jack, you haven’t ruined anything. C’mon, let’s get you to bed.”

They turned the corner to see the other three guardians standing atop a mountain of snowgies, holding the cake above their heads and with the banner behind them.

“SURPRISE!!!”

“Wow!” Tooth gasped.

Jack just stood there, wondering how on earth he missed about a hundred tiny snowmen being created from his sneezes. At least the mini fairies would have some new friends.

ALSO, if any artists who are bored see this and fancy doing me a favour, would anyone like to draw some art for this that i can post?

[demivampirew]

Keep Calm and Go to London chapter 19

Synopsis: This is the story of (y/n), a successful actress, musician, musical producer and songwriter. After battling depression and  breaking up a long relationship, she seeks for a change of air, escaping LA for a while going to visit some friends in London and there  she meets Henry. -Disclaimer: some chapters are mostly smut.

Previous Chapters:

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5 (smut)

Chapter 6

Chapter 7 (smut)

Chapter 8 (smut/roleplay)

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12 (smut)

Chapter 13

Chapter 14 (smut)

Chapter 15

Chapter 16 (smut/ s&m) Chapter 17

Chapter 18 (fluff-smut)

Triggers:   self-loathing; crying.

Tag list:  Here’s the incredible people who showed me support (thank  you    so  much for that) and people who asked me to tag them too  ☺️   (I    think  I will write a few chapters of this story, if you want me to  tag     you, tell me ☺️   ) @cavillanche @mary-ann84 @henry-owns-these-tatas @yespolkadotkitty @dancingwendigo   constip8merm8     penwieldingdreamer iloveyouyen  littlefreya  wondersofdreaming   alyxkbrl solariumss  sweetybuzz25 @thethirstyarchive @agniavateira   @honeyloverogers @hell1129-blog   @lunedelorient​  @michelle-1185​  @madbaddic7ed​     @summersong69​

The day that you had waiting since you started dating Henry finally arrived. It was May 5th, his birthday. You wanted to make that day as special for him as possible. Your plans before quarantine included a big surprise party. You were going to invite his friends from London, other friends that you thought might show up if they weren't busy - like Armie, Luke and Jason; his family and people who worked with him in The Witcher. You were pretty excited about it, but eventually, your plans went to hell once it was announced that you needed to remain isolated until further notice. But you wouldn't let that ruin his day. You woke up early to prepare him a nice breakfast and start to prepare the necessary ingredients that you'd later need to make lunch. He already prepared his birthday cake the day before. You ordered a few presents for him online and hid it with the summer clothing that you had to buy online since you'd only brought winter clothing to London. You put a collection action figure of one of his favourite online games and put it on a little gift bag and tightened it to Kal's collar, with a little tag that read "Happy Birthday Daddy, love Kal". You put a few new books for him to read in a box, next to a cool Superman t-shirt and a teacup with the logo of World of Warcraft. Inside the box, you also added a drawing of him and Kal that you made for him in the previous weeks while he was playing games. It's been a minute since you last draw something, but you surprised yourself to see how incredibly real it looked given the lack of practice. When Henry woke up, the first thing that greeted him was a nice breakfast on the bed with you and Kal. He was so happy with Kal's gift and the fact that you decided to include him. After you'd finished eating, you went into the living room to check the rest of the gifts. He loved every single one, especially the drawing. He was really impressed and immediately put it on next to the pictures that he had with his best buddy. You cuddle in the couch and kissed for a while. He couldn't stop smiling you were on cloud nine. Your plans were working perfectly and his day started the best way and you intended to make it amazing till the end. Around 11 am you decided to start making lunch. In the meantime, he was in a room that he was using as an office for work and playing games, having a birthday party with his family over a popular app called zoom. You were not part of it, because even though his family knew about you since the beginning - Charlie accidentally told their mom about it when you were dating unofficially- they hadn't met you yet. Quarantine not only had screwed your plans but his as well. He was going to Jersey in the second week of that month for the Durrell Challange - a marathon organized by the Durrell Wildlife Conservation Trust with the intentions of to help raise money for them to be able to continue saving animals- and he was going to take you with him to introduce you to his family. - So, where is the lovely lady you cannot stop talking about? - his mum asked him. She was alongside her husband. In the chat room, there was also Charlie and two precious kids; some of his older nephews were there as well; his brother Simon and Pierce were there as well. His other brother Nick was missing from the chat because he had things to deal with regarding his work in the Royal Marines. - She's cooking; she wanted to prepare a special lunch for my birthday - he explained. - When are we going to meet her? - asked the woman curiously - Well, probably in September for the Durrell Challenge. After quarantine, I have to get back to filming the series and I don't think I'll have time to fly there before that date and she has a movie to film after this, probably will in July if quarantine is over by then, after travelling to America is allowed again. - Is there a chance that she could join us now? I don't want to wait so long to see her. - she insisted. Henry asked them to wait as he stood up and went to see you. He found you and told you that his mom wanted to meet you. You accepted but you were nervous. Your ex's mother loved you and treated you as her daughter, but in the same time, as much as Jared loved his mother, he didn't pay much attention over what she could think about his desitions. Henry, on the other hand, you felt like his mom's words were holy. What if she didn't like you? What if his family didn't like you or wanted you with him? That thought scared you because you knew that his family was the most important thing for him. You tried to hide your emotions and act normal. You entered the room and shyly waved at them and sat on the chair Henry had left for you to sit on when you watched him play games. - Hi sweety, how are you? - his mother greeted you. She was beautiful. - I'm Henry's mom, nice to finally meet you. We could not stop hearing wonderful things about you. Quite an impressive young lady. - she remarked and you blushed. - Thank you. I'm great! Thank you for asking. How are you? Hi everyone! - you saluted the rest of the family members. Everyone said "Hi" back. They seemed nice. - I'm beyond excited to meet you and a little sad because my baby is growing so fast- she said looking at Henry, who laughed at the comment. - Mom, I'm 37. I stopped being a baby a long time ago- Henry pointed out, grinning. - You will always be my baby. The five of you will forever be babies in my eyes. Babies but also wonderful men. And I'm so proud of each of you. - So tell me more about you, darling. - she pleaded. You told them about your parents and that you had an older brother. - Do you have any nephews? - No, my brother does not want to have kids and his single, so I don't see it happening and even if he changes his mind about it, is not happening in a close future. - you informed her. - Well, if he doesn't have kids, at least they still have you to give them grandkids.- she replied smiling. Henry said "mom" and gave her a look, indicating she said something she shouldn't have said. You looked at the floor and thought "shit". You sighed and spoke again - Actually, I'm not sure.- you confessed.- I have had a conversation with Henry about this. I'm not sure I want kids. I never did before. Henry was lovely and granted me time to think about it; to talk it with my therapist to see if that's something I can do because I'd like to make him happy and for him to have his kids someday. That's why I assured him that if I decide in the end that I definitely cannot have children, I'll set him free to find another person who does. I'll never take away that from him. So don't worry, you'll be a grandma again someday.- you said and faked a smile when in reality you wanted to cry because you knew that they probably thought you were awful. You excused yourself to go check on the food and said goodbye to everyone. Once you were alone in the kitchen, you let the tears fall quickly, just in case Henry showed up. You couldn't ruin his special day. You couldn't be selfish and let your feeling messed up his mood. He had to have an amazing day. Henry showed up a little bit later. You were checking on the food. He kissed you on the back of your head and hugged you. - She shouldn't have made that comment. - he apologized. - She didn't say anything wrong. I'm with you. She knows you want kids, so she assumed that I wanted them too. It wasn't her fault that I'm a big baby that gets emotional about everything.- Great! You didn't want to screw up his day and now tears were rolling down your cheeks. He hugged you and kissed you head while you rested on his chest. - I wanted her to like me and now she probably hates me. She probably thinks I'm the worst girlfriend that you've ever had and thinks that I'm making you waste your time when you could be with a woman that knows for sure that wants kids. I'm so sorry! For everything! I'm the worst. I'm not sure I can make your biggest dream come true and I'm also ruining your day. He cupped your face with his hands and made you look at him. - You're not the worst. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. I've never felt this happy in my life. I love you like I never loved anyone before. And you didn't ruin my day at all. The day has just begun, we had all the rest of the day to laugh and have a great time together. And my mom doesn't hate you, babe. She felt sorry for making a comment that made you felt uncomfortable. She apologized after you left. - She shouldn't. She didn't say anything wrong. She's so sweet and loves you so much. I want her to like me. I want all of your family to like me, but her above all. - you admitted - And I'm sure she does and she'll like you, even more, when you got a chance to meet her in another circumstance that isn't being in a chat with a bunch of strangers to you, looking at you like if you were a new animal at the zoo that they're seeing for the first time. You said that you're a big baby but that's not the case; you're a perfect functioning woman forced to talk to lots of people that you didn't know. I shouldn't have put you in that situation. That was my bad. I wanted to introduce you one by one, so you got a chance to be looser and not anxious. I'm sorry. - Don't apologize, baby. I love you.- you said and then kissed him. He was beyond wonderful. You cleaned your face and grabbed his hand and walked him to the living room. Your guitar was there, so you grabbed it and settled in the couch next to him. You told him that you had another birthday gift for him and then started to play the song you wrote for your boyfriend.

I've never gone with the wind, just let it flow Let it take me where it wants 'Til you opened the door, there's so much more I've never seen it before I was trying to fly but I couldn't find wings But you came along and you changed everything

You lift my feet off the ground You spin me around You make me crazier crazier Feels like I'm falling and I'm lost in your eyes You make me crazier crazier crazier

I watched from a distance as you made life your own Every sky was your own kind of blue And I wanted to know how that would feel And you made it so real You showed me something that I couldn't see You opened my eyes and you made me believe.

You lift my feet off the ground You spin me around You make me crazier crazier Feels like I'm falling and I'm lost in your eyes You make me crazier, crazier, crazier oh

Baby you showed me what livin' is for I don't wanna hide anymore

You lift my feet off the ground You spin me around You make me crazier crazier Feels like I'm falling and I'm, I'm lost in your eyes You make me crazier, crazier, crazier Crazier, crazier

He took the guitar from your hands as soon as you finished playing the song, made you sit of his lap and looked directly into your eyes. Without saying a single word, he said everything: he was as crazy for you as you were for him.

Disclaimer: in the fiction, she wrote the song for him. In reality the song belongs to Taylor Swift (for the Hannah Montana movie soundtrack) the song is called Crazier.

[dadgonedeku]

Celebrating Bakugou’s Birthday Headcanons

💥🎊~SFW (very fluffy...the most fluffy)

💥🎊~Bakugou x Fem!Reader (mutual pining)

💥🎊~Happy Birthday to the little rat, here are some hcs to celebrate! 🥳

💥🎊~Tbh I should have just made this a oneshot because that’s basically what it is but in HC format because it’s easier for me to write whoopsies...🥴

💥🎊~I wrote this in like four hours so I’m super sorry if it sucks...it was honestly really hard for me to write with no motivation what so ever but I just wanted to make sure I got something out in time for the baby’s b day! Double whoopsies 🥴

💥🎊~Also long post triple whoopsies 🥳

💥🎊~ “Here we go, today is the day!” You say to yourself as you wake up in the morning, already excited for what’s to come.

💥🎊~ You see reader, you and the rest of 1A (mainly the bakusquad) decided to surprise the gruff explosion boy for his birthday.

💥🎊~ And as you got ready that morning, you decided to take a little extra time in making yourself look even more beautiful than you already were, examples being putting on a little more makeup than usual or even taking some extra time to learn a new hairstyle.

💥🎊~ You’ve had a crush on the ash blonde for a while now, ever since the beginning of the school year, and it only continued to grow as you watched him become stronger and develop more of a gruff softness with his classmates.

💥🎊~ So this was the perfect opportunity to show him how much you cared, and on top of that you had an excuse for you lookin even more ‘like a snacc’ than usual.

💥🎊~ “Y/N!!!! Come on hurry up!!” You hear you’re best friend Ashido knock at your door, you quickly finish whatever you’re doing and pull yourself together, taking a quick glance at how you looked in a mirror before opening the door.

💥🎊~ “Geez girlie, you look bomb, get it, bomb?” You huff a laugh at the bad joke as she takes in your appearance.

💥🎊~ “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this spruced up before, well except for that one party you got to go too. Lookin good, ready to try and reel him in?” She teases as she takes a quick snap of one of your bra straps under your shirt.

💥🎊~ “Ashi!!! No. And besides, I’m sure he doesn’t even like me back anyways.” You shoot back as a bright pink blush paints itself on your s/c cheeks. Ashido was the only one who knew about your longtime crush on the ash blonde, and frankly she was the only one you trusted enough. Fortunately for you, she proved liable.

💥🎊~ “Ha, I wouldn’t think so, have you seen the way he looks at you whenever you’re paired up in a match or even during the sports fest?” She asks excitedly as she steps into your dorm room, following you over to your bedside table as you open the top drawer, retrieving a medium sized box wrapped in a bright orange paper, a green bow attached to black ribbons sitting on top of it.

💥🎊~ “No Ashido, and ya wanna know why? Because I’d be in the middle of a FIGHT then!” You playfully yell back as she lets out a laugh at your flustered face. “Plus, I’m sure that’s not even true anyways, there’s nothing special about me that would make him ‘fall in love’” You quote with your hands as you take the gift from your drawer, tucking it under your dominant arm as you grab your purse with the other.

💥🎊~ “Alright, think what you want. Just know that you are a tasty lady with a tasty bod and personality and if he don’t like it back, he doesn’t deserve you.” She chuckles with her hands on her hips as you roll your eyes amusingly in response, nudging her out of the door as you close it behind you.

💥🎊~ “Where is he right now anyways?” You inquire as you and Ashido make your way down the fourth floor hall to the elevator, “Doesn’t he get up really early in the mornings?”

💥🎊~ “Yep, sure does. To be fair I don’t really know what he’s doing right now, but he’s not in the common room.” She responded as the two of you stepped in the elevator, pressing the lobby button that would transport you to the common room.

💥🎊~ “Oh, well I hope someone came up with a good enough distraction so we have enough time to get everything ready.” You say hopefully as the elevator drifted downward, Ashido nodding in agreement. The rest was silence, a few moments going by before the familiar ‘ding!’ sound of the elevator alerted the two of you that you had arrived to the floor.

💥🎊~ You took a deep breath and fiddled with a necklace that hung around your neck, anxiety building of the unknown, and if your secret plan would actually work. Ashido placed a comforting pink hand on your shoulder and flashed you a small smile, you shot one back and took a deep breath, closing your e/c eyes for a moment before stepping out of the elevator.

💥🎊~ “There you guys are!” Kaminari waved happily from the common space, alerting the rest of your classmates that you and Ashido had finally shown. Well...all except for two?

💥🎊~ “Huh? Where’s Kirishima? Wasn’t he another mastermind of all this?” You ask curiously, placing your box on one of tables and signaling to Urakaka to keep an eye on it, to which, of course, she saluted with a bright smile.

💥🎊~ “Oh he’s keeping Kacchan occupied for now, they went to the gym for a workout an hour or two ago.” Your vibrant green-eyed classmate Midoriya replied with a grin, also holding a small box in his right hand.

💥🎊~ You took a sigh of relief, thankful that Kirishima had bought some time...but wait...Midoriya said a couple hours ago...

💥🎊~ oh no...

💥🎊~ “Wait?! A couple hours ago? That means that they’re almost done by now right?” You ask suddenly, startling a few of your classmates in the process, a couple seconds go by before all hell breaks loose, Iida resorting to shouting out orders to his various fellow classmates.

💥🎊~ You and the other girls were tasked with setting up tables and helping hang streamers from the ceilings, Urakaka’s quirk coming in handy as she would hold onto you as you attached the fragile paper material to the bland, off white ceiling.

💥🎊~ Orange and Black sheets were draped over the kitchen tables as Sato and Momo worked in the kitchen, whipping up tea and desserts for the class to enjoy during the party.

💥🎊~ To be fair, all of them would probably be chewed out by said birthday boy for ‘doing too damn much’ but deep down they all knew that he would appreciate it.

💥🎊~ Bakugou, however, never really thought much about his birthday, sure he celebrated it as a child but once he became a teen he kinda dropped it. He never really saw the appeal, I mean...all a birthday means is that you turn a year older right? To him it was just another day, so why did it matter so much to the rest of his class?

💥🎊~ Well, all of you had been through a lot as a class, with all of the villain attacks and heartache never seeming to end. It was rough, and it was hard to deal with. But the 21 of you still managed to get through it together, but part of you feels like Bakugou was hit the hardest by it all. Him and Midoriya of course.

💥🎊~ You’d never really seen him show any emotion aside from anger or brashness, maybe you’d even experienced some sass or a few cocky comments. But that’s about it....

💥🎊~ So why did you care so much about him?

💥🎊~ Why did your heart flutter every time you saw him?

💥🎊~ Why?

💥🎊~ You never realize that you had subconsciously tuned out the happy smiles and giggles and shouting as you don’t pay attention to the front doors opening and the immediate echo of “Surprise!” that comes right after.

💥🎊~ “Y/N!! Look out!” Urakaka shouts from below you, snapping you out of your thoughts, which only resulted in you to beginning to fall from the ceiling as you hear your female friend shout “release!” from underneath you. A scream rips from your throat as your body fails to react fast enough for you to catch yourself. You clench your eyes shut as your vision catches quick blurs of your classmates scrambling after you.

💥🎊~ 1000 thoughts rush through your brain as you brace yourself as best you can for impact in those quick couple seconds.

💥🎊~ But the impact never...came?

💥🎊~ “Oi, the hell was that for dumbass?” You hear a gruff voice say as your eyes open in shock, your mind drawing a blank as you stare up at none other than Bakugou himself, who had caught you in the heat of the moment with that sexy rapid reaction time of his-

💥🎊~ “I....uhhh...” You fail to answer as your eyes dart around the room, only for them to land on Ashido trying her best to hold in a laugh. “ I don’t really...know?”

💥🎊~ “Hah?! Whattaya mean you don’t know? You just fell from the ceiling! Watch how you release your quirk pink cheeks!” He shouts as he gently places you back on your feet, keeping a strong hand on your back to make sure you’re steady before removing it.

💥🎊~ Embarrasment rushes through your body, giving you shivers and goosebumps as you quickly look for Urakaka. “Urakaka what happened?” You unintentionally shout in her direction. She flushes profusely and shakes her hands in front of her before moving to cover it.

💥🎊~ “There was a huge spider right next to you on the ceiling, and I didn’t wanna startle you but I know how much you hate them so-“ She starts but interrupts with a very profuse “I’m so sorry I panicked!” that you can’t help but chuckle at. You calm down a little more and thank her for looking out for you before apologizing yourself, but you still can’t help the huge blush that rushes to your cheeks.

💥🎊~ ‘Omg omg omg that did nOt just happen he did nOt jUsT cATCH mE I-‘

💥🎊~ The worries voices of your fellow classmates snap you out of your thoughts once again as you rush to reassure them you’re okay.

💥🎊~ “Y/N are you okay?!” Midoriya and Kirishima ask in unison.

💥🎊~ “Ah! I’m fine! I promise!” You say, only before turning to face Bakugou, who was looking away...almost as if...

💥🎊~ ‘he was embarrassed too...’

💥🎊~ “Thank you, Bakugou.” You say lightly as you flash him a small smile of gratitude, only for him to reply with a rough ‘tch’.

💥🎊~ “Okay! Now that that’s over let’s get this party started!!!” You hear Ashido yell eagerly over the rest of the class, soon enough shouts of agreement could be heard as Sato and Momo appeared from the kitchen with Tea and Cupcakes, along with an actual birthday cake that was hidden in the back of the kitchen.

💥🎊~ You hear a “Tch, nerds” from behind you as you rush to the goods, your classmates following close behind as you help Momo and Sato set up the food and drinks.

💥🎊~ The day continued on with Bakugou putting up an annoyed front as you all agree in shouting happy birthday, blowing kazoos and pulling strings on confetti poppers as he reluctantly blows out the array of candles that are placed on the huge 3-tier cake that Sato had been working on all day. It was truly magnificent, white fondant draped over each of the layers, decorated with orange and green stripes with black frosted roses trimming the third tier, ‘Ground Zero’ written in cursive along the top of the cake that was encased in the roses.

💥🎊~ “Holy crap Sato!! You really went all out!!!” You hear Kaminari say behind you as you hear the clicks of phone cameras sound off around you, all of your friends recording and taking pictures to remember the happy moment.

💥🎊~ A few more minutes pass and each one of you has a cup of tea and a cupcake in hand as you all parade around the birthday boy, much to his surprise and slight annoyance, but he’ll never admit that deep down he was thankful for the enthusiastic celebration.

💥🎊~ Cheap, plastic party hats are passed around and even Mr. Aizawa partakes in the festivities, wishing the ash blonde his own happy birthday as he retrieves a cupcake and teacup himself, much to your surprise.

💥🎊~ Soon enough it’s time for present opening as Kaminari nudges the birthday boi over to the couches, the other 19 of you taking sitting positions accordingly around a coffee table that was filled with presents from everyone.

💥🎊~ “The hell is all this for?!”

💥🎊~ “For you Bakubro, duh.”

💥🎊~ “You extras do too damn much.”

💥🎊~ “But you still love us anyways.”

💥🎊~ “Tch.”

💥🎊~ His gifts include all different items, from boxes of pocky and video games, to even hoodies and fitted shirts and sweats, and of course a custom pair of black crocs with the words ‘ground zero’ spelled across the front in the little attachments...wonder who those could be from?

💥🎊~ “You’ve gotta be kidding me Shitty Hair...”

💥🎊~ “Don’t hate the player man, hate the game.”

💥🎊~ Your eyes widen as you see him reach for your gift to him, and you immediately find the courage to speak up and excuse yourself to the bathroom, when really, you were lying and choose to sneak outside instead.

💥🎊~ “But Y/N isn’t that your gift?” You hear Sero inquire.

💥🎊~ “Yeah but it’s fine! I really gotta go though.”

💥🎊~ “If you say so...”

💥🎊~ You quickly look back and notice that he opens it slower than the other ones, taking out a small index card you had placed in the lid of the box, you quickly glance through one of the window, only to see him reading it before you hide yourself from view.

💥🎊~ ‘Meet me outside, it’s important’ The card read, written in messy f/c gel pen.

💥🎊~ He sighs before quickly standing up and brushing off anyone who questions him, he grunts out a “Ill be back soon, screw off and don’t worry about it.” Before walking towards the front door.

💥🎊~ To his and your surprise...no one followed, and no one even seemed to question it.

💥🎊~ You feel your breath hitch in your throat as you hear the front door open and see Bakugou step out, turning to face you and letting the door close softly behind him. He flashes you the card and you give a small nod in response, almost as if the two of you had just silently confirmed the reason why you even wanted him here in the first place.

💥🎊~ “Well, what is it?” He asks with his usual gruff tone, but for some reason it feels much softer than earlier.

💥🎊~ “Umm...well I-“

💥🎊~ The worry comes up again as your mind decides to draw a blank on you once again, and you can’t help but blush profusely and look away. Why? Why are you like this? Why can’t you just say what you want to say? You hate it, you dread it. This empty and tingly gut feeling in your stomach, almost as if it is truly churning to the sounds of your embarrassment.

💥🎊~ “Well? Out with it already, don’t have all night ya know.” He replies bluntly as he leans back on the rails of the front porch, crossing his arms in front of him as he switches his gaze to the wooden ground instead of your flustered form.

💥🎊~ ‘Come on, out with it already y/n! He’s right here, right in front of you. He paid attention, he didn’t come out here for no reason. Just come on...say it....do it.’

💥🎊~ “Alright, think what you want. Just know that you are a tasty lady with a tasty bod and personality and if he don’t like it back, he doesn’t deserve you.”

💥🎊~ ‘fuck it, here goes nothing...’

💥🎊~ “If you’re not gonna say anything then I’m just gonna go back inside, this is a waste of my time.” He says, causing you’re eyes to widen and tear up. You shake your head silently as he turns his back to you, walking toward the door and reaching his hand out to the handle.

💥🎊~ ...but you grab it just in time...

💥🎊~ “Stop...” The word that exits your lips is barely audible as he feels the shake in your voice.

💥🎊~ “Hah? What is it then? You wanted me to come out here? So if you’re not gonna say anything then I don’t see the appeal in wasting-“

💥🎊~ “ I like you.”

💥🎊~ You feel the world stop around you and the silence that immediately follows as you prepare yourself for the worst. Good lord, the words just came out...they just escaped your lips and you could barely even handle it.

💥🎊~ “What?” Is all you hear back...

💥🎊~ ‘screw it, it’s too late to go back now...’

💥🎊~ “ I like you...Bakugou. I do...and I’m sorry if it’s weird or anything and honestly I’m okay if you don’t feel the same way...but I just want you to know anyways...”

💥🎊~ He only stares in silence, crimson eyes widened with shock.

💥🎊~ “I’ve felt like this for a long time to tell you the truth, and if I’m being honest I’ve tried to shake it off countless times but i just can’t get you out of my head. Whenever you show up and show out, whenever you talk about your dreams of becoming the number one hero...I can’t help but smile and think about how hard you must be working, and how far you must be pushing yourself to get stronger. And I feel it in my heart whenever I see you look my way or whenever you stand tall with a huge boasting smile after you’ve just won a battle. You’re amazing Bakugou...and I know that you’re gonna make it. I know that you’re going to get where you want to be, and I can’t help...but...we’ll I can’t help but long to be there with you as your journey continues...”

💥🎊~ more silence...

💥🎊~ “and I want to be there for you when you finally reach your goal...if you’ll have me of course.” You can only look down at the ground, twiddling your thumbs in anticipation as you let the words just explode from your lips...silence...more and more silence...“I love you...Bakugou.”

💥🎊~ The moments pass painfully slow as the silence fills the air and you feel heartache set in again.

💥🎊~ “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say all of it at once. I’m sure it’s a lot and I don’t want to-“

💥🎊~ “Shut up.” Is all you hear, and before you can even register the sound of Bakugou’s boots hit the wood...you feel strong and calloused hands engulf your face and wipe away your tears.

💥🎊~ tears you didn’t even know you were shedding...

💥🎊~ “Baku-“

💥🎊~ “I said shut up...ya damn nerd.”

💥🎊~ And you do...as you instinctively reach for his waist, wrapping your arms around it as your bury your face in his chest, finally letting out the sobs that you had kept in for so long...it was finally out...and he finally knew. And all you could feel was relief as you felt his right hand come up to rest on the top of your head.

💥🎊~ “Tch...you girls...always so damn emotional...just like Deku....” You hear him huff out in a short chuckle as you giggle slightly through your tears.

💥🎊~ “I’m sorry...”

💥🎊~ “You know...I’ve been thinking about it...���

💥🎊~ “Oh?”

💥🎊~ “and I think I love you too...Y/N.”

💥🎊~ It takes you a few seconds to even register the words that come out of his mouth. He lets you pull away from his chest and take a few steps back...e/c eyes meeting crimson ones as you stare at him in disbelief, mouth agape.

💥🎊~ “Yo- Your- hold on...you’re joking right?” You whisper with a shaky voice, just loud enough for him to hear as you bring a hand to clutch your chest.

💥🎊~ “Do I look like the type of person who jokes about shit like this? Idiot, of course I’m not joking.”

💥🎊~ “Then that means-“

💥🎊~ “Yeah...I like you too, dumbass.”

💥🎊~ “Holy shit...” You don’t even finish your sentence as you squeal, your hands rushing to cover your mouth, tears starting up again.

💥🎊~ “Oi...” “Holy shit.” “Oi!” “Holy shit.” “Oi!!! Y/N!” You finally snap out of it as your gaze switches back to his, he gives you a look that means it’s time to go back to being serious and you do, pulling yourself together before turning to face him again.

💥🎊~ “So are we gonna do this or what?” He asks bluntly, holding out a pale, calloused palm your way.

💥🎊~ It takes you a few moments to respond...but when you do-

💥🎊~ “Yeah...let’s do it.” You say as you take the hand that reaches out to you, only to be pulled into a deep, sweet, and intimate kiss as the sun sets on the horizon.

💥🎊~ Your first...and his first.

💥🎊~ “Happy birthday...Bakugou.”

💥🎊~ “Katsuki, call me Katsuki.”

💥🎊~WOWIE ITS FINALLY OVER WOOO!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE RAT AND IF YOU SOMEHOW REACHED THE END OF THIS POST I APPLAUD YOU! This took so much thinking for me to write out the way I wanted and honestly I’m pretty darn proud of it...so I hope you enjoyed it too! If you like it then please lemme know what you thought!!! I love talking to you guys! Have a good night and happy 4/20/20!!!🥰🎊💞

[thehomeforthehopelessromantics]

It’s Always Been Me and You: Part 2

Monday...

(C/N) POV

He saw you in the halls at school. You were at your locker, grabbing your stuff for your lit class. You had your hair up in a ponytail and were wearing a red, white and black striped sweater with a pair of overalls on top.

Cautiously, he approached you. He had no idea how you would respond to him and the anxiety of it was enough to shake him to the core.

“H-Hey.”

You continued grabbing and putting stuff away like you hadn’t even heard him.

“Love?”

You slammed your locker shut, grabbed your bag and left without saying a word or even sparing him a glance. He watched your figure as you got further and further from him, coming to a terrible realization.

You were giving him the silent treatment.

***

Thursday...

(C/N) POV

“You have reached the voicemail of...” Groaning, he ended the call and slammed the phone down on his bed next to him. This was his 10th time calling you today and every time you sent him to voicemail.

Refusing to give up, he opened up messages and shot you a text.

‘Love, I know you’re still mad at me, but it’s almost Friday. Are we still gonna be together this weekend?’

‘Please answer me..’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘I miss you.’

***

Saturday...

(C/N) POV

(C/N) lied in bed all day, staring at a picture of the two of you on his phone. It was a picture of the two of you on his 18th birthday a few months ago. You had smeared frosting onto his cheek and were licking it off of him. It was by far the funniest picture the two of you had together, but right now it was just making him sad since he didn’t know if he would have that with you again. Tears welled up in his eyes the longer he stared and before long he found himself full on sobbing.

His mother came into his room, sensing that something was very wrong. She knew that you didn’t come over last weekend and that he was still at home this weekend.

Upon entering she found her beloved baby boy, face down in a pile of pillows, clutching them desperately as the sobs overtook his body.

Without a second thought, she came and brought him to her chest, rocking him slightly, while his hands cling to the fabric of her dress. Hot tears stained the front of her dress, but she couldn’t‘ve even cared less at that moment. Her son was hurting and needed her.

“I... I screwed up so... so bad, mom.” He mumbled between sobs. He wanted to stop crying, he wanted to pull himself together but he just couldn’t. His best friend in the whole world wouldn’t speak to him and it was beginning to feel like he was dying without you.

***

Sunday...

He tried calling you 20 times. He never got a response.

***

Monday...

You wouldn’t even let him get close to you at school.

***

Saturday...

(C/N) POV

You two had fought before. Yelled nasty thing at each other for hours. You’d both been vicious and cruel and yet still managed to work it out. This time it seemed like working it out was out of the picture. For two straight weeks, (C/N) had tried to talk to you. Call, text, at school-- nothing. You wouldn’t even look at him anymore.

Today, he decided that enough was enough and that you were gonna talk to him whether you liked it or not. He couldn’t keep going like this. You were his best friend and right now it was feeling like he lost you and it was killing him. He tried being around Lilith a bit more, hoping that it would help, but ultimately it made him feel worse. 

And it wasn’t because Lilith wasn’t fun or interesting-- she was. She was that and so much more. She was a gymnast and student body president at her school. She volunteered at an animal shelter and was kind and sure of herself.

She was all that (C/N) could’ve asked for in a girl and yet the only thing (C/N) could think was that she wasn’t you. 

He needed to fix things with you as soon as humanly possible. 

Working up the nerve, he finally got out of his car that he’d been sitting in for 15 minutes now. He walked up to your door and knocked. 

As the door opened the apology started falling off his lips, “(Y/N), I’m so sorry for-” He quickly realized it wasn’t you at the door, but your older brother, Ace. 

“Hey, don’t stop on my account. I’m sure (Y/N) can hear you from wherever she is right about now.” 

“Ace?”

“Surprised?” he said, breaking out into a boyish grin. “Her birthday is coming up and I have a break from classes so I figured I’d come to surprise her. She has no clue I’m here yet. Did you really think I was gonna miss it?” 

“N-No, I just wasn’t expecting you to open the door.” (C/N)’s cheeks turned red with embarrassment. “Where is she?”  “She went somewhere with our parents. They made sure she was out of the house so I could come.” Ace said calmly as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Now why exactly are you showing up at the front door, apologizing profusely? You and the little monster get into a fight?” 

(C/N) nodded his head slowly, looking down at his feet. “I messed up really bad, Ace. I have no idea how I’m gonna fix it.” 

Ace paused for a moment before gesturing for (C/N) to come in. “I’ll tell mom and dad to keep her out longer.”

They sat down in the dining room and (C/N) began to explain exactly what had happened between them. By the time he was done explaining, Ace had clenched his jaw.

“She has every right to be pissed at you,” Ace scowled. “That was a real a-hole thing to say.”  “I know it was. I just..” (C/N) sighed and ran his hand over his face. “It was in the heat of the moment, I didn’t mean it. Now, I can’t even get her to be around me long enough to tell her I’m sorry.”  

“Do you know why you still want to be friends with her?” Ace asked, knowing that he should be flipping the table and kicking (C/N) out because he hurt your feelings in a way that no one else could. But he didn’t, mainly because you weren’t the only one he watched grow up. It was you and (C/N), and Ace saw how happy being (C/N)’s friend made you. He also knew that the boy sitting next to him was deliriously in love with his best friend and that she was just as crazy about him. 

“Of course I do,” he said exasperatedly, letting his fingers absentmindedly fiddle with the friendship ring you’d given him two years ago. “She’s honest and loyal and one of the funniest people I’ve ever met. She doesn’t ever judge me and she always has my back.” A small smile appeared on his face as he spoke. “She’s the only person I can stay up all night talking to and still miss her the second we stop. I’ve never met someone that I just clicked with like that. I can’t remember what my life was like before her and I don’t wanna know what it’d be like without her by my side anymore. She’s my person.” 

5 years worth of memories flooded through (C/N)’s head, but he kept coming back to one specific night about a year ago.

The two of you were at his house and it was around 2 in the morning. You were cuddled on his bed-- him lying on the headboard and you on his chest, watching Shrek 2 with two empty tubs of ice cream next to you. Your eyes were trained on the movie, which made sense seeing as it was one of your favorites. His eyes on the other hand just wouldn’t leave you. His hands kept trailing up and down your arm, drawing light patterns on your skin with his fingertips. He could’ve stayed right there in that moment forever and he was sure he would’ve if you hadn’t jumped up and started singing along with the fairy godmother’s rendition of “I Need A Hero.” He watched you dance around his room in one of his shirts and he felt totally at peace. He loved when you wore his clothes. They were always far too big on you, but you didn’t care-- claiming you like the fact that it smelled like him— it made you feel safe and at home. You plopped down on the bed next to him when the song finished. With a huge, breathless smile on your face, you brought yourself up between his knees, your arms draped around his neck.   

In the most adorable voice he’s ever heard in his life you whispered, “Be my hero?” 

That was by far his favorite memory of you. It was also the first time he’d wished that he had the guts to kiss you. 

“What do I do, Ace?” 

“I honestly don’t know this time, kiddo,” Ace admitted. He usually knew what to do to help mend things between you two, but not this time. This wasn’t a ‘he ate my ice cream’ or a ‘she keeps stealing my clothes’ situation. This was about what he said, about this girl he’s been seeing and the unspoken feelings between you two. 

“Do you think she’ll forgive me?”

“I think she needs you almost as much as you need her.”

***

On (Y/N)’s birthday... 

(Y/N) POV

Your fingers hovered over the send button for a least five minutes before you just closed your phone entirely. You’d retyped the message a thousand times now.

‘Can we talk?’

‘Do you wanna come over?’

‘I miss you.’

‘I wish you were here.’

This was infuriating. You were still mad at him but today was your birthday and every other important person in your life was downstairs while (C/N) wasn’t.

You hadn’t heard from him all day and you honestly were missing him terribly over these past few weeks. You wanted him to at least be here, even if the two of you didn’t speak.

Deciding that you’d spent enough time pondering about if he was gonna show up tonight or if you should just call him, you stood and looked yourself over in the mirror.

You had on a quarter sleeve cold shoulder black mesh top, that was opaque over the breast but sheer everywhere else. Paired with a skater skirt and a pair of knee-high boots, you looked stunning and ready to take on the world. Turning on your heel, you opened your door and waltzed downstairs to see your family waiting for you.

You were gonna be okay regardless of whether or not (C/N) showed up.... Right?

***

You were sitting on the couch, under Ace’s arm, listening to your Aunt Delilah tell a story about the time she accidentally performed at a concert she wasn’t supposed to be at in the first place. You were okay. Sitting with your family, talking, laughing and eating. It was fun, but you couldn’t shake that feeling that had been gnawing at you all night.

(C/N) should be here. He’s family too.

As Aunt Delilah finished her story, her husband, Ricky, piped up. “Hey, sport, where’s your other half? Usually, we can’t get you two to stop talking long enough for Delilah to get through a story.” Everyone laughed as you tried to give a smile that probably looked more like a grimace.

“Umm, I think he’s-” you started but were quickly cut off by the sound of the doorbell. Furrowing your eyebrows you looked around. “Are any of you expecting anyone else?”

Murmurs of no went through your family as you stood up, going to answer the door. You left the living room and went through the dining hall and the kitchen in order to get to the door. Upon opening it your jaw just about hit the floor.

Standing in front of you was (C/N) in a black hoodie and jeans holding a huge bouquet of carnations— your favorite flowers.

“Happy Birthday, Love,” he said nervously. “I-I know you’re still mad at me and I shouldn’t have shown up here today, but I couldn’t help myself. I had to see you.” He handed you the flowers. You looked up at him and quirked an eyebrow. “You still won’t speak to me, huh? Jesus, I made a real mess out of things, didn’t I?”

He dropped his head to stare at his feet as he blinked back an oncoming wave of tears and shoved his hands in his pockets, shuffling anxiously, mentally preparing himself for you to tell him to go away or to throw the flowers back at him or to slam the door. His chest hurt just thinking about the endless ways you could get rid of him.

“Thank you,” you said and his head snapped up to you. “I didn’t think you were gonna show up.”

“And miss your birthday?” He asked incredulously. “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.” He bit down on his lips as he looked at you. He could’ve cried he was so happy. You were speaking to him again.

Shifting your weight from one foot to the other you asked, “How are things with Lilith?” You kept a calm face but internally you were praying he said awful. You didn’t know if you could handle it if things were going well with her.

His eyebrows raised in surprise. Of all the things he thought you would say, he didn’t predict that one. A nervous chuckle left his lips. “Nonexistent as of recently.”

“Really? What happened?” You asked curiously, a small part of your foolishly hoping that it had something to do with you.

“She just... she wasn’t what I really wanted.” His eyes met yours as he spoke and a shiver went down your spine. You nodded your head slowly. “Can I... can we talk? Please? I really need to fix this.”

You shook your head and stepped back gesturing for him to come in. The two of you walked silently into the kitchen where you took a seat on a countertop and he leaned against the wall across from you, gnawing on his bottom lip. He’d prepared his apology at least a hundred times on the way here and now, with you in front of him, he couldn’t say one word.

“So, are we gonna talk or do you want a picture?” You said with an icy edge to your voice, breaking the silence. The tension in the room was driving you mad. The corners of his lips turned up ruefully.

“(Y/N).. I am so sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean a word of it-”

“Why did you say it then?” You had intended to let him finish what he was saying but the question had been plaguing you for weeks now and if you didn’t get an answer you were gonna scream.

“I...” his voice trailed off. “I don’t know. I know that’s not a good enough answer but it’s the truth. I don’t know why I said that or where that came from. You’re my best friend and I love you. These past few weeks without you have been the worst weeks of my life.” He pushed off the wall and came and stood a bit closer.

Not close enough.

“So, what? You say sorry and I’m supposed to pretend that you didn’t basically tell me that you don’t want to be friends with me anymore?” You furrowed your brows in frustration. You wanted to forgive him, you missed him like crazy, but he still hurt your feelings really badly and you didn’t want it to feel like what he said to you was okay.

“I don’t expect that at all,” he said honestly. “I honestly was expecting for you to raise hell when I showed up here in the first place. It’s totally fine if you’re still mad at me-- I’m still mad at me, just don’t shut me out anymore, please. I can’t take it. The silent treatment is killing me and I miss my best friend.” He stuck his bottom lip out in an adorable pout that he only brought out when he wanted something from you. It was totally unfair and he knew it but he was desperate. 

You let your shoulders drop as you let out a long sigh. You were trying to stay mad, but when he did the pouting thing and sounded so miserable, you felt your resolve slipping fast. 

“Do you really think I’m clingy?” You asked in a small voice as you looked down in your lap. 

“No.” He came and stood in front of you. He wanted to pull you to him and kiss you until both your lips were sore, but he settled for just being close to you. In those few weeks without you, he almost forgot how much self-restraint he had to practice around you— and how intoxicating your presence was. “You are in no way, shape or form clingy. If anything I’m the clingy one. If you aren’t there I don’t even know what to do with myself,” he laughed lightly and you let out a snicker as you rolled your eyes shoving him lightly.

He quickly caught your hand in his own and held it against his chest as he moved to stand between your knees. Leaning forward he placed his forehead on yours and your breath caught in your chest.

He was so close.

You were grateful that you were already sitting or else you were sure your knees would’ve given in already. His scent engulfed you, making you feel safe and at home like it always did.

“I’m lost without you, love,” he whispered as he bumped his nose against yours. “I’m not prepared to lose you, (Y/N.) I can’t. I won’t survive it.”

You knew you should say something back. You should tell him that you forgave him or to back away or question him again, but you couldn’t even breath properly with him this close to you, let alone speak.

Jesus.

You thought that your heart was gonna leap out of your chest if he got any closer.

He knew he should back up, that he was going just a bit too far— getting a bit too close.

He knew that he was doing things that friends shouldn’t do with other friends. But you were sitting in front of him for the first time in forever and you were looking at him with those eyes that had always been a weakness for him. He’d do just about anything you wanted and all you had to do was look at him.

As he stood there he noticed how shallow your breaths were becoming.

Could it be possible you wanted him too?

Swallowing hard he opened his mouth and began to whisper, “(Y/N), I’m about to ask you something and I want you to know it’s perfectly fine if you say no, alright?” His gaze flickered between your eyes and your lips that were coated in chap-stick since you didn’t feel like putting on lipstick. They looked so soft and inviting— all he wanted was to find out what they felt like when pressed against his.

You nodded your head slightly and he took a deep breath. “Can I k-”

“Who was at the- oh,” Ace said as he entered the kitchen, mouth falling open at the sight of his baby sister on the counter with her best friend hovering too close to be considered friendly. (C/N) pulled away from you like you were on fire— a small part of him was scared your brother was gonna beat him for being that close to you. Your cheeks turned scarlet as you stared down at the floor, baffled.

Was he about to ask if he could kiss you?

“I was wondering when you were gonna show up,” Ace smiled at (C/N) and threw an arm over him. “So you two made up?”

(C/N)’s eyes immediately went to you, silently begging you to tell him that things were okay between you. You nodded, maintaining eye contact with (C/N) who broke into the widest grin you’d ever seen on him.

“Great!” Ace exclaimed. “That means I don’t have to actually be her big brother and kick you out. Being her brother is exhausting, y’know.”

“It couldn’t be half as much work as being your little sister,” you joked, sticking your tongue out at Ace.

“On the contrary, little monster, you continually prove yourself to be quite the handful. Especially around loverboy here.” Ace squeezed (C/N) shoulder in a playful manner, but (C/N)’s stomach lurched as he looked at you, almost scared of your response.

You saw exactly what your brother was doing. He knew you had feelings for (C/N) and he was trying to call you out. Refusing to give him the satisfaction, you simply said “If anyone’s the handful, it’s you. The number of times I’ve had to lie for you. God. I should get an academy award for my performances.”

A strange sense of relief and disappointment spread in the pit of (C/N)’s stomach. You hadn’t said anything basically outright telling him that you didn’t want him, but that was because you didn’t address that part of the sentence at all. A second ago, he was pretty sure you were gonna let him kiss you because you wanted him too, but now he had no idea.

“Yeah, yeah.” Ace rolled his eyes. “Be sure to give me a shout out when you win your first award since I was the one who gave you your first gig. Let’s go, Uncle Ricky is waiting.”

“Why?”

“You know him, he’s as nosy as it gets. He wants to know,” a sneaky grin spread across your brothers face as he looked between you and (C/N), “what was taking you so long.”

Your heart immediately dropped to your feet as you realized the compromising position your brother had caught you two in. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Try me, little monster.” Ace smirked at you before blowing you a kiss and starting to run away. You were quick on your feet and chasing him almost immediately.

Heels be damned.

“Ace! Get back here!”

Ace ran all the way to where your family was sitting in the living room, opening his big mouth he said breathlessly with a huge grin on his face, “Hey Uncle Ricky, you won’t believe what I-” You didn’t even want to know how he was gonna finish his sentence and you weren’t gonna find out. You literally jumped on him, causing you both to topple to the floor as a chorus of laughter erupted throughout the room.

Popping up, onto your feet and adjusting your skirt so you weren’t flashing anyone (by anyone you meant (C/N)) you gave everyone a bright smile and said: “Guess who finally showed up.”

Everyone followed your line of sight to see (C/N) standing in the doorway, staring back at you adoringly. You were the only person he knew that could tackle your older brother to the floor and get up like nothing happened.

“C/N! Hey, come on in, have a seat,” your mom said and (C/N) happily obliged.

You watched for a minute, loving how well he fit in with your family before he turned to you and patted the empty seat next to him, mouthing a quick “I miss you,” that made your heart flutter before going to sit next to him. Automatically, he had you under his arm, pulling you to his chest and you had to fight the smile that was trying to make its way onto your face.

***

“Are you gonna stay the night?” You asked while absentmindedly tracing shapes on (C/N)’s abdomen. Your family had left a little while ago, your parents going upstairs as well as Ace, the rest of your family going back home. It was around 11 now and you and (C/N) were still sitting on the couch cuddled together.

You had your head in his lap and his fingers gently traced the frame of your face, moving into your hair to play with it.

“I didn’t pack an overnight bag,” he said with a small pout, almost upset with himself. “I didn’t think that this night would go as well as it did. Thought you would’ve slammed the door in my face.”

“You thought I was that mad?”

He scoffed as he tugged at your hair slightly to make you look at him, “You gave me the silent treatment for two straight weeks. You wouldn’t talk to me, look at me or even be around me. Yeah, I thought you were that mad.” Rolling his eyes, he let out a sarcastic laugh.

“Well if it makes you feel better, I was hoping all day that you would show up. I didn’t care if we didn’t speak at all, I just wanted you here. Felt wrong having every other important person in my life here and not having you here.”

“Really?” He asked, looking down at you with uncertainty. “I thought you didn’t care. Was scared that you were done with me entirely.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” You hit his stomach lightly. “I don’t care how mad I get, at the end of the day you’re family. I can’t imagine what my life would be like without you.”

He smiled down at you softly, your words making him practically melt. After two long weeks, you were here, lying in his lap, staring up at him with those gorgeous eyes and he couldn’t have been happier.

“Alright, alright,” you waved a hand dismissively through the air. “Enough sentimental stuff, you know I love you already. I wanna know what happened with Lilith.”

Knowing that they didn’t work made you happy in a way you shouldn’t be but you were also curious as to why.

“Oh uh..” using his free hand he scratched the back of his neck nervously. “Nothing really. We started spending some time together and she’s amazing, but she’s just not what I need, y’know?”

His heart was pounding in his chest. This felt too much like him telling you that he wanted you and it was scaring the life out of him.

“What is it that you need?” You asked, staring up at him with innocent questioning eyes.

You. You. You.

“Just... something else. Someone else,” he muttered under his breath, almost hoping that you didn’t hear him. He wanted to tell you exactly how he was feeling. He thought about how easy it would be for him to just blurt it out, but he didn’t know if you felt the same. He would rather keep you in his life as a friend than lose you trying to push for more.

And yet, as much as he tried to sit there and convince himself that this was enough— that just being your best friend was enough, everything in him was telling him it wasn’t. It never would be.

He wanted to be your best friend, your boyfriend, your lover, your confidant, your other half. He wanted to be able to kiss you and call you his. He wanted you— all of you.

“(Y/N)?”

“Hmm?”

“If I asked to kiss you what would say?”

You could’ve choked on your own spit as your eyes snapped to his before you got a hold of yourself and gave him a playful smirk, thinking this was just another one of your normal teasing moments. “Awww, honey. If you wanted me all you had to do was say so,” you said singsongily as you sat up so you could look at him directly.

“So that’s it? All I have to do is say so and you’re mine?” He wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you closer to him.

“Just say the word and I’m yours,” you mumbled in agreement, beginning to feel like this was more than your normal teasing. His eyes were trained on your lips, staring at them like you would stare at a piece of art. “(C/N).” you said lowly.

“Yes?” He whispered, still staring at you as his eyes glazed over. One of his hand reached up to push a strand of hair behind your ear.

Hesitantly, you leaned in until you were a breath away from him. One small move and his lips would be against yours. “Tell me what you want.”

Titling his head he leaned in and let his lips brush over yours. “You.”

Your heart was beating so fast you couldn’t even hear it anymore. “What are you waiting for?” you mumbled against his lips and that was all he needed to hear.

He smashed his lips to yours fervently and his hand cupped the back of your neck keeping you pressed against him, while his other hand tighten around your waist. You kissed back just as desperately, grabbing him by the front of his hoodie to draw him closer, not liking the space between the two of you, no matter how small.

You pulled back for a second to say something, but completely forgot whatever it was you were gonna say a second later as he reattached his lips to yours. Without even thinking, he grabbed your leg and placed it on the other side of him so you were straddling him. He knew he should probably slow down but he didn’t know how. Not when you tasted this good and felt so right pressed against him like this.

His hands didn’t seem to know how to stay still, moving from your face to your neck to your waist and hips to your bare thighs as your skirt continued to ride up. Absentmindedly you grinded down into him, eliciting a surprised groan of pleasure from him. His lips left yours for a moment to pull his hoodie off, the fabric was keeping him from feeling you the way he wanted and it was driving him mad.

Gripping your hips and pulling you close, he pressed open mouth kisses to your neck. He stopped for a moment to bite down, causing a moan to come from the back of your throat and you felt him smile and laugh a little against you.

“What’s so funny?” You asked while trying to catch your breath. He pulled back to look at you, pressing a firm kiss against your lips.

“That’s the first time I’ve ever heard you moan,” he said with pride laced in his voice. He loved the sound and had every intention of pulling it out of you as many times as he could. You rolled your eyes at him and shook your head.

Before you realized it, he had your chin gripped tightly in his hand, forcing you to look him in the eye. “Keep doing that and I’m gonna have to give you a reason to roll your eyes.”

The threat sent a shiver down your spine as he leaned in and bit down hard on your bottom lip, making you wince.

After licking it to ease the pain, he looked at you again, a sharp challenging look in his eyes. “Understood?”

Not trusting your voice, you nodded your head. If you weren’t turned on before you definitely were now.

Smirking at you, he mumbled, “Good.” And then you were lost in his kiss again, his tongue forcing its way into your mouth, making you let out a broken moan.

You don’t know how long you sat there locking lips, but things were getting heated quickly between you grinding into him, his hands moving further and further up your thighs, gripping them so tight that you were sure you were gonna have bruises in the morning and the moans you both were letting out. The sexual tension alone was enough to drive you to keep going, but eventually, you needed to breathe, much to both of your dismay.

Pulling back, you both tried to catch your breath. His grip on you didn’t loosen at all, he was scared you’d move away if it did. Simultaneously you realized that this wasn’t just some guy who you kissed and were now on top of— this was (C/N.) Your best friend.

A part of you was scared that it was just a heat of the moment thing rather than anything more. God, you prayed it was more.

“Well, that was...” you started dazedly.

“Yeah,” he finished for you, still out of breath, a small smile making it way onto his face.

“So um,” you cleared your throat, sitting up a little straighter while taking a deep breath, pushing a few stray hairs behind your ears. “What was that?”

“I think that was called a kiss, love. I’m sure you’ve done it before,” he teased, tugging you closer by your hips. You weren’t sure how much closer the two of you could get, but this didn’t stop him from trying.

“Yes, I’ve done it before,” you rolled your eyes, “I-”

“What did I say about rolling your eyes?” He asked sternly as he squeezed your hips to get your attention as if he didn’t already have it. You lost your train of thought as the idea of rolling your eyes again just to see what he would do crossed your mind.

“Uh, as I was saying,” you made a conscious effort not to roll your eyes like you wanted to. “Friends don’t kiss friends and we’re supposed to be,” you voice wavered off as he started tracing small circles on your sides, “just friends.”

Moving closer, he pressed light kisses on your neck. “We.” Kiss. “Aren’t.” Kiss. “Just.” Kiss. “Friends.” He bit you and you let out a small groan. His head moved up so he was looking you directly in the eye.

“(C/N), what are you trying to sa-”

“I’m saying that I love you,” he said with surety in his tone. He didn’t know if you felt the same way he did before, but after a kiss like that, he was sure. There was no way you could kiss him like that and not feel anything. 

You couldn’t believe your ears and you look at him with disbelief. “Babe, this isn’t a good time for you to be joking around.” The pet name slipped off your lips before you could stop it and he smiled. 

“And who says I’m joking around, love?” 

You bit down on your bottom lip, still not sure if you should believe him. It sounded too good to be true.

“Do you remember that night that we sat up in my room watching Shrek 2 and you started singing I Need a Hero?” he asked randomly and your scrunched up your face. 

“Of course, but what does that have to do with anything?”  “That was the night I realized just how hopelessly in love with you I am.” Taking your hands in his, praying silently that you believed him. “For as long as I can remember, you’ve always been there. I don’t remember what my life was like before you came into it. Every girl I’ve ever tried to be with always turned me down because they all said that they thought that I was in love with you. At first, I thought they were crazy,” he let out a quick laugh as he looked down at your hands. “Until I realized that I was comparing every girl to you. None of them even came close to you, baby.” 

“(C/N)-” “Wait, just... let me finish this. I might chicken out if I don’t get all this out right now,” he said, cracking a smile. You nodded understandingly and he continued.  “The reason that I didn’t want you there when Lilith came over was that I knew if you were there, I wouldn’t be able to focus on anything else.” He let out a shaky breath, the first visibly nervous action you’ve seen out of him since he kissed you. “I tried getting over you. I tried to put all those feelings into Lilith, but the more time I spent with her these past few weeks, the more I thought of you. I even kissed her, and it was a good kiss,” you raised an eyebrow at him, silently asking why he was telling you about his kiss with another girl. Laughing a little, he kissed your knuckles. 

“But no matter how good a kiss it was, I still pictured myself kissing you. No matter how much I tried, she was never gonna be you.”  Placing your hands on his chest, he wrapped his arms around your waist. 

“I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretending it’s you,” he whispered like a confession. “I don’t want anyone else and I don’t want to pretend I do.”  You scrambled mentally for something to say and after a few beats you said with a loving smile on your lips, “You win.”  “I win?” You could’ve laughed at the puzzled look on his face. “I tell you I love you and you tell me I won?” He let out a nervous laugh. “Am I missing something?”

“You don’t remember our deal? You take a risk that I deem worthy and I’ll do any one thing for you. You told me you loved me-- huge risk. So you win. All you have to do now is claim your reward,” you said suggestively. He stared at you blankly for a moment before realizing what you were saying. 

You slung your arms over his neck as he grinned mischievously. “So I get to have anything? Anything I want? Including you?” 

“I said anything, didn’t I?” you said sweetly as you gave him a quick kiss on the mouth. He tried to kiss you again, but you stopped him. Before he could protest and plant another kiss on your lips you said, “I love you too.” 

That effectively froze him in place. This whole day had to be a dream. Not only did he get his best friend back, but she loved him back too? If he died now he would die a happy man.  “I’ve known it for a while now, I just didn’t think that you feeling the same way was possible.” You rested your forehead against his and whispered, “You can have me anytime you get ready, all you have to do is ask.”

“Be mine?” He whispered back, his lips ghosting over yours.

“I’ve been yours for a long time, babe. It’s always been me and you.”

This time you leaned in to connect your lips together, knowing that there was nothing else either of you could’ve said to each other.

***

One year later...

“Where’s the birthday girl?” (C/N) shouted as he came bathing into your dorm room with a bouquet of flowers and balloons and a gift bag.

Excitedly, you hopped off your bed and ran directly into his arms.

“There you are,” he mused as he hugged you back tightly. It’d been a while since you’d seen him face to face since you’d been holed up in your room studying for your Lit exam that was coming up. “Happy birthday, my love.”

Pulling back slightly, you pushed up on your tippy toes and pressed a firm kiss to his lips before mumbling against them, “Happy anniversary.”

Tag list:

@trumpettay @sweetcoldpeach @ihaveanobsessionwithdanielhowell @sr-rs @jermthemelancholygiraffe @introvertedrhi @toxicdonatsu @kiwidawn @thegreenpea

[totty-chan]

The Truth about Fhujeth vs. Chocho

This isn’t a callout post, it’s a name-clearing and fact-straightening post for @chochomatsu / @domatsu

Before I go on with this post, I’m going to say a few things for the sake of transparency. I have known (or at least known about) both Fhujeth (@totally-totty / @osomi) and Chocho within the Osomatsu-san fandom for roughly a year now. I have had my own share of negative experiences with Fhujeth over that year, not least the Totty Club issues. I met Chocho because of the Totty Club and we’ve been friends since that time. The club is not what this is about though. I just felt I needed to state my relationship with these two people to clear up any potential questions of bias towards one side.

No one in existence is 100% unbiased, one is my friend, the other isn’t. But despite completely different experiences I have tried to maintain neutrality where I possibly can. I already knew there was a past friendship and later breaking of said friendship between Fhujeth and Chocho, and that there was some drama that spilled over into the public domain after that break.

I was told last week that Fhujeth continues to vague post about the situation, suggesting she hasn’t been able to let go. I decided to approach Fhujeth to see what was going on - for the sake of a friend that I care about. Fhujeth knows that I am friends with Chocho but again, for the sake of neutrality, I asked Fhujeth why she sees Chocho as her “abuser”, and what proof there is of this. I am someone who needs proof before I believe. Fhujeth explained her position and gave me some evidence in the form of chatlog to back it up.

After Fhujeth presented her argument to me along with the evidence she had to give, I stated that I wanted to get the other side of the story by talking to Chocho about it. Fhujeth’s nature basically instantly turned more... apologetic? Certainly less fighty. I got the distinct impression she didn’t want me to approach Chocho about this - which to me rang alarm bells.

I then spoke to Chocho about the situation - a story that Chocho has been unwilling to talk about in any detail until now. The reason being that she didn’t want to relive it, hoping that it would blow over and go away. But obviously it hasn’t.

Just to note that Fhujeth (and apparently some of her friends) questioned whether I am being appropriate by mediating between her and Chocho, asking for details as I go. Later on, Fhujeth said this to me:

I try to hear both sides of a story but I also since this summer have been trying not to get too involved in other people's drama. I don't want to because I don't want to get on anyone's badside. I know this is hard to believe but like you, I am someone who sticks up for their friends and fights and often is a diplomat or mediator or a neutral party who tries to hear two sides out. I have been for my friend and someone who wants nothing to do with them who keeps harassing my friend.

My answer is that this is exactly what I am doing here. You are welcome to judge me for making this information public however you see fit.

I have been given explicit permission from Chocho to post the information beyond this point.

I asked for this permission because I feel that it is disgusting that this issue has been going on for so long, an issue affecting a good friend of mine. I am of the opinion that if Fhujeth can go around the fandom spreading chatlogs to incriminate someone, I can use chatlogs to debunk it.

The rest of this post is under a cut - it is a LONG TEXT WALL but it clears up a lot. For those without the time to read a post of this length there is a tl;dr at the end. However you will need to read the post to understand the reasons for the conclusion!

KEY FROM NOW ON:

Normal - Me (totty-chan, Sammy)

[ITALICS] - Chocho’s notes, opinions, etc.

BLOCKQUOTE - Chatlogs - Chocho is normal text, Fhujeth and others are bold

I have been assured by both sides that none of the chatlogs shown to me are edited in any way, except names where appropriate and the occasional note spliced in to better explain certain things. For Jussy, a person unfortunately involved in this, I have replaced their tumblr username with “Jussy” to protect their identity. There is private information (location, etc.) about both parties in the logs which I will replace with “---” for the sake of their privacy. Some chatlogs had images within them - these cannot be shown as they were not logged in the text files and no longer exist. I only sought permission from Chocho to show logs. Anyone who would like to see the evidence shown by Fhujeth will have to ask Fhujeth herself for it.

Both Fhujeth and Chocho mentioned that they used an IM app called “utox”. Fhujeth claimed that this app doesn’t keep logs. Chocho’s logs from this point mostly come from utox (some are from tumblr). This image is proof that logging is possible:

Commissions/Money

The first thing Fhujeth spoke to me about was regarding commissions done by Chocho for other people.

totty You want the chatlogs? I have one that was taken from when her and a friend of mine were talking after my friend found out Chocho had been pretending to be two different people and pleading as both for commissions and I have our last convo that we had before the "we're not talking anymore." That she sent me after I had chosen to stop signing in to get away from her.

Fhujeth gave me evidence in the form of a chatlog about the second issue mentioned here first. I’m going to cover the issue regarding begging for commissions first despite not being given “evidence” about it until a lot later in the conversation. This also involves other people and money which is why it’s the important one.

Fhujeth claimed that Chocho asked people for commissions, claiming that she “needed money for this or that reason really bad.” There was also a claim that Chocho would pretend to be both “Domatsu” and “Chocho” - two separate people - in an attempt to ask for more money from the same person. This person is a mutual friend of both Fhujeth and Chocho.

Fhujeth claimed to have proof that Domatsu and Chocho are the same person but said that Chocho admitted this anyway so it wasn’t needed.

When I asked Chocho about this, she said:

[I never asked anybody for commissions, ever. It's against my morals. I made a commissions promo post on domatsu in order to replace my dodgy old Wacom tablet that was years old, worn down and no longer supported for parts and did commissions for that, people continued to commission me after that, even though I posted when I got my tablet. That was their choice. Fhujeth saying that I squeezed Jussy for tons of money... whilst Jussy did commission me A LOT, she always came to ME asking, I never asked her (unlike Fhujeth who flat out said to me one time that she was going to go ask Jussy to commission her). I never begged Jussy and I never approached her or pressured her to commission me. She always asked first and I always made sure she was okay with the price and knew where all the pricing was coming from in the picture before she agreed to it. I thanked her for all her commissions because she really did help me.]

Chocho gave me evidence of Jussy asking for the commissions:

Jussy Hey, honey~ ^.^ hope you are well? I can't stop looking at my OsoMisha piece~ *u* and I am so happy with it~<3 I would love to commission you again X33 Jussy I will email you again~ ;) with my new idea~

Jussy BTW, when I get paid again, I was thinking of commissioning you again, but for something different ;3 * at the end of the month

Jussy Haha XDD you think you can take on another commission of mine? ;3

Jussy Eeeee, plz let him tumblr XDD and yush~ 0w0 it is <3 such great times X3 Plus, your Kara comic inspired me to commission you for an OsoMisha one X3

Jussy Soon, I'd love to commission an icon X3

Jussy I was thinking of Osomatsu and his brothers surprising Misha on her birthday on the 10th >w< Jussy as a commission

Jussy Hey, ChoCho X3 you up for me to commission you again? c:

Jussy Now I have the urge to commission Misha taking care of Osomatsu in the clothes his wearing~

Chocho also gave me this chatlog between her and Fhujeth regarding Jussy, commissions, the cost of said commissions, and asking for them.

Fhujeth: Jussy wants to pay me 35 (total) for a drawing with 3 chars (dollars) yay or nay Chocho: Fullbody or no Chocho: *? Fhujeth: full body Fhujeth: that's alot less than she was paying Chocho: I'd ask for 40 at least Fhujeth: Did my art value suddenly change Chocho: I don't think so! Chocho: Did she mean £? Fhujeth: Originally she paid 71$ for it Chocho: Or does she not know currency conversion? Chocho: What did she even say? Fhujeth: Cus I'm not sure if I should be insulted and hurt and start crying and just stop doing commissions or think she has no idea about currency conversion Chocho: I'd fall on the last one there first Fhujeth: I really hope so... Chocho: This is Jussy Fhujeth: [9:38:02 AM] Jussy: Yo~ ;3 [10:48:33 AM] Firrymatsu: Hi ^^ I am going to get this commission done fast but is is possible to be commissioned again sometime soon I just had to go to the doctor and my medication was 25 pounds ;.; [10:49:40 AM] Jussy: Okay my darling~ >w< and sure thing my honey~ ^.^ you know, I was thinking I COULD give you back the sketch you gave me, so you can finish it off and I give you 25 $ or more for it~ : 3 [10:49:54 AM] Jussy: Now you have a good idea on Hummingdoe's appearance [10:50:22 AM] Firrymatsu: dollars or pounds :o [10:50:52 AM] Jussy: Dollars ^w^ [10:51:36 AM] Firrymatsu: the one with croc, moosel, and hummingdoe? [10:52:07 AM] Jussy: That's right ^w^ [10:55:32 AM] Firrymatsu: 25 dollars is not very much @_@ [10:56:03 AM] Jussy: Okay X3 35? [10:56:21 AM] Jussy: or 40? Fhujeth: does she even have a concept of money? Fhujeth: I'm taking into consideration the 10 she already gave me... Chocho: I haven't a clue! Fhujeth: I'm too tired for this ;.; Fhujeth: It's 3 full body characters in a style I dunno, one is a fan character with an out of style reference.... Chocho: I'd also consider that you are asking her to commission you and give her money rather than her making that decision herself to ask on her own... Fhujeth: Yeah! I am taking that into consideration. Originally this idea we planned at 70, I think 50 is fair? Fhujeth: or 45 Chocho: Ask her for that! Fhujeth: Ok! Fhujeth: [10:56:03 AM] Jussy: Okay X3 35? [10:56:21 AM] Jussy: or 40? [10:59:41 AM] Firrymatsu: 40 @_@ then you had already paid that 10 dollars towards it, that makes it 50 - I'd normally charge 70 but since I am asking you for help I will go lower?

Fhujeth: i'll reply when i am done with this commission is reluctantly asked if they were willing to commission me again.

[See? She flat out asked/begged Jussy to commission her... and was insulted with the price Jussy was willing to pay. From what I could gather, Jussy wasn't happy with the sketch Fhujeth gave her before so wanted to commission Fhujeth for something else instead of the original pic?]

(Note, Firrymatsu = Fhujeth)

From my perspective it appears Chocho received commission requests - she didn’t go asking for them personally. There is evidence that it was in fact Fhujeth that asked for at least two commissions rather than being approached.

Also (this is just my opinion), what is wrong with commissioning under multiple aliases? Novel authors write books under different names all the time to separate styles - and make money on those separately. It happens in the music world too, songwriters often have multiple aliases or they ghostwrite for other singers or bands, making money as they go. It’s not immoral, it’s just a method of being able to separate different styles of working and still be able to keep on top of things. I do not understand why Fhujeth is using this against Chocho in an attempt to back up the “abuser” claim.

Fhujeth also said this to me regarding Chocho and Jussy:

If you see her collection you'll understand she had no NEED for money, she had a WANT for money. When Jussy found out that not only was her money going towards the same person but also not for needed things like food and health but for buying say, a full set of 45 dollar a piece matsu plush... she was not terribly happy.

I asked Chocho about this and was given this chatlog with an explanation afterwards:

Chocho: We live in a little town. =( Fhujeth: Ahhhh. Fhujeth: That makes it creepier you're so close to Jussy then. Chocho: It's not even that... it's a sub-town? Or village? I dunno. --- is the area, --- is the town... and we're in --- which is considered a part of --- overall so I guess it's a village Chocho: Yeah, we are REALLY close to Jussy Fhujeth: we don't have villages here so I have no idea how to like.... word it. Yeah it seems creepy..... like nothing on her but she is strange... part of me wonders if she is an adult... or a kid.... or an impulse buyer Fhujeth: Like nothing on your fanart I just don't see how someone can afford all that so fast like wow. Fhujeth: That's a lot of artwork of a weird fantasy. Chocho: I dunno. =T Not complaining though, it helped John with his bills this month

Chocho: I finished one of the comms for Jussy Fhujeth: Yay! Chocho: dop Chocho: =image goes here= Fhujeth: you did it!! Fhujeth: cute! Fhujeth: she will love that Chocho: Thank-you! =) Chocho: 1 down Chocho: 3 Chocho: to Chocho: go Fhujeth: are they easier ones? Chocho: Not particularly Chocho: One involves Iyami Chocho: who is a bitch to draw Chocho: And one is hypnotism-esque Fhujeth: from her? Chocho: Well, yeah Chocho: I don't take commissions from anybody but you, John, Jussy and Cathie at the moment Fhujeth: Ahh that is nice and a smart idea Chocho: I really want to help John out. @_@ Chocho: So I'm just having the money sent straight to him Fhujeth: Good idea! Fhujeth: And they have lots Fhujeth: Well, I wonder what Jussy really is she seems to be so mysterious

(And when Fhujeth says that I "didn't use the money on life but on merch instead"... that's not entirely true. I got some merch that I had ordered sent to my friend because I couldn't receive it here and it ended up being way larger than we expected, it was HUGE! If I'd have known they were THAT BIG I wouldn't have ordered them, but they were and we ended up with them. He had to send them one by one and they cost $22.50 to send EACH. He IOU'd me the money and sent them over to me since his house is not very big and they were taking up space. Then it turned out that he was short of funds for personal reasons (I'm not gonna say what because it's private), so I wanted to pay him back ASAP to help with his bills. So I was getting Jussy to send ALL the commission money she paid me directly to my friend (John) in order to pay him back for his kindness and help his bills. So yes, whilst it was not going on MY bills, it was going on my FRIEND's bills. And whilst it was TECHNICALLY going "towards merch", it was actually going towards paying my friend back for the postage it cost him to get them to me. Fhujeth knows this.)

I personally don’t see an issue with spending commission money on merch, or for that matter, anything. In any case, this issue doesn’t seem to be quite as clear-cut as Fhujeth was painting it to be. The obvious conclusion from the things Fhujeth told me would be that Chocho demanded to be commissioned due to a strong “NEED” for money, claimed that it was for “things like food and health”, only to spend it on merch. I’ve seen enough evidence to be able to say that this isn’t the case.

Chocho also gave me further logs about the commissions/money issues:

Fhujeth: I refunded her the 35 when the REALLY EVIL PART OF ME WAS LIKE, "Dude keep it dude, dude, duuude, dude, greed, dude, greed, dude."

Fhujeth: plus the 45 USD she just tossed me for (well, some stuff I paid 3 dollars for basically) Chocho: How much profit are you making off of her? Fhujeth: The camera case/bag was in a super clearance machine I think they put it in there to make it difficult to grab the iyamis and chibitas cus it was big and would catch the claw but I was like, "FUCK THAT" and got all the chibitas and iyamis around it and then pulled it out Fhujeth: and then like there was times I just bulk won tons of osomatsu keychains and she bought 2 of those Fhujeth: cus on golden week they rigged the machines to pay out super crazy easy and I spend like 300 dollars I ended up with like 8 choros and 7 jyushis Fhujeth: contacted jussy about the osomatsu cushion hehe Fhujeth: did I tell you I charged her 10 shipping and her item to ship turned out to be 180 Chocho: 180? Fhujeth: like 2 dollars

Fhujeth: "the keychain and pillow (very huggable) for 65 + shipping (and you already paid for " ya so I know what you'll do with these poor plush so I will charge 15 for the keyring and 50 for the plush juss Fhujeth: me: Well the pillow which I sell for 40 I'll sell to you for 50 and this keychain I sell for 10 I'll sell to you for 15 and I know oyu paid shipping on the other thing you bought but I'ma go ahead and ignore that and combine this all shipping so 15 shipping Fhujeth: yeah I feel bad Fhujeth: but I also am like Fhujeth: she is really Fhujeth: but I Will give her a nicer shipping i think Fhujeth: at least tracking Fhujeth: you: *terrible person* Fhujeth: you're thinking that Fhujeth: a bad person would be if I decided to not refund her that 35 dollars and see what happens x.x Chocho: I didn't say anything! =B Fhujeth: What are you thinking? Chocho: That I'm not sure if Ichimatsu looks right? XD Fhujeth: So you don't care if I charge her for things? Fhujeth: Like a lot. Chocho: Oh, I do, but it's none of my business. =B

Fhujeth: I most def do not feel bad Fhujeth: charging her Fhujeth: because she probably torments many people

[I find it amazing she says about my "collection"! Hahaha! She's shown people her collection what, countless times? She has far, far more than I do and it's not like she needs that any more than I do. XD SHE's the one who doesn't have a need for money, not me, I never inherited anything from anybody! SHE's the one who has a want for money, even though as far as I know, she has a lot already! (She also liked to horrendously overcharge Jussy for things, just because she knew Jussy wouldn't question!)

To be honest, any time Fhujeth offered me something to buy off her it was.... really unnerving... it wasn't like a friendly "Oh yeah, you can buy this if you want", it was always so... like a sharp merchant, not a friend helping another get something. She even said one time that she would only hold a piece of merch for me for "up to a year"... that put quite the unnerved feeling onto me... XD;;; And it was ALWAYS like that... we had to make sure the money was 100% EQUAL AND ACCOUNTED FOR. To be honest, it was scary. She did this with the plush she wanted me to make her too. I didn't really like buying from Fhujeth, it was stressful, but a lot of the time I felt pressured.]

Fhujeth: well, I have one Chocho: One is in 18 Fhujeth: I will sell it Fhujeth: I can hold it Chocho: Oh? =o Well... if you want to... Fhujeth: if you're up for that Fhujeth: I don't mind holding stuff for you up to a year

I’m seeing a “NEED” for money from Fhujeth here - not Chocho. There are also some very obvious nasty and insulting attacks on Jussy from Fhujeth combined with some extremely unfair financial tactics in an attempt to squeeze more money out of her.

Another part of my conversation with Fhujeth involved a claim that Chocho demanded to be commissioned by Jussy to buy a new cellphone:

She threw her phone on her bed and it accidentally cracked and broke (baring in mind this was a phone her dad gave her, had no service, and she used to play games on it). She said she was gonna ask Jussy for help to her a new one. We were also talking about Timezones for another reason. If it wasn't cause the phone broke it was cause she wanted something else but I remember around that part not caring too much.

I think it was the phone.

Chocho gave me this chat between her and Jussy along with comments and chat with Fhujeth:

chochomatsu And my phone smashed yesterday tooooo Jussy B'awww, I am soooo sorry to heat that my lovely ;w; chochomatsu Not having a good time (;m;) Jussy what?? o0o nooo! Anything I can do to help? ;w; chochomatsu Yeah! (;m;) [<--- Note, this is a response to "what?? o0o nooo!", not "Anything I can do to help? ;w;] Some of the glass actually fell out... so... it's pretty much unusable now. (;_;) RIP my phone...I didn't even have it all that long... Jussy Oooh, my...you poor lass ;3; <3 can you get it fixed? chochomatsu And I can't afford to get another one either! At least I didn't use it all that often... (;w;);;; Jussy b'awww ;3; I only use my phone for calling and texting chochomatsu I think it's pretty much gone. (;_;) I don't think you can replace the screens on these... This was my first ever smart phone, I wanted one for years... and I think it lasted... a few months... not even a year! Jussy Ooooh, poopy ;3; what a shame How did it break? chochomatsu It was a really silly thing. (;_;) I went to bed last night and took it with me because I do Japanese study just before bed... I put the charger on my pillow and then gently plopped my phone on top... Jussy b'awww ;3; chochomatsu BANG Glass all over my pillow... Jussy Oooh, my..o.o Jussy goodness it happens darling, don't worry chochomatsu Yeah. (;_;) I feel really stupid... it wasn't even that hard an impact, I guess it just hit it in the wrong place Jussy aww, I am sorry dear ;3; chochomatsu I think we passed your workplace today though! Jussy Really?? 0w0 --- That's where --- is~ chochomatsu Yeah! You work at --- Bupa, right? Jussy I do :D Jussy what time?

[we talked here about completely different things for a while until we had to go, this next part is the next day]

11/23/2016 Jussy Aaaahh, Hey, ChoCho~ X3 I would like to help you get a new phone by commissioning you. I have something in mind and I would like to discuss it ^w^ chochomatsu Hiya, good morning, Jussy! <3 How are you today? And thankyou so much! (;m;) That is so sweet of you! <3 *hugs* Jussy Good morning my darling~ ^w^ I am good, a bit better from my cold >w< <3 and ya welcome, always happy to help out~ ^.^ *hugs*

[In regards to the phone, I never asked Jussy for commissions to cover replacing it. I mentioned it to Jussy because she was my friend and I was frustrated I'd just broke my phone (anybody would be I think), she approached me the next day saying she wanted to commission me to put towards getting myself a new phone, which I was absolutely greatful for. This commission I asked her to send to my BOYFRIEND instead since he'd be the one buying the phone and I wanted that money to absolutely go towards the phone. But before I could get the phone, Fhujeth lied to Jussy about me in order to put Jussy off me and cut me off from any future commissions (knowing that I only ever accepted commissions off of Jussy by that point). Since I no longer had any kind of income, I had to send the entirety of that money to John since he was a priority over a new phone. I still don't have a new phone (but luckily for me, it hasn't fallen apart yet like we expected! Since the crack is right at the button, we expected the button to fall out at any time, luckily it hasn't. I had to stop doing my kanji/kana learning because that involved drawing the kanji/kana on the screen and the sensitivity is basically shot on that part of the screen making it very hard to do anything there.).

(Also, my phone has always had service (you can see that it does, "TESCO" in the bottom corner of the photo I gave Jussy of my phone showing the damage)

It wasn't my Dad that gave it to me, it was my Boyfriend's Dad and I used it to study Japanese with apps because it was too weak to play the phone games without crashing. I tried playing Hesokuri Wars on it for a bit, but it was unreliable and crashed during game play a lot. So whilst I left it on my phone for ages, I didn't open it because it wouldn't load at all eventually (updates made it too hefty). I mostly played things like Hesokuri Wars and Tabimatsu on my PC using an emulator called Andy. It was FHUJETH's phone that didn't have service that she only used for games.]

Fhujeth: My mobile lost service... 3-4 months ago.

Chocho: My phone is too shit to run Hesokuri Wars without endless crashing

Fhujeth: we should find a chat program that works on your phone Chocho: It's like shell shock Chocho: I don't think any will, it's just not powerful enough to be any more than a call and text thing

I don’t think I really need to add to this - the proof is clear enough for me.

Fhujeth also told me this, bringing another person into the issue with Chocho and commissioning:

Cathie had her own experiences with Dexts (commissions being rushed/made poorly).

Like she'd pay 100 for a drawing that was not nearly up to par for what Domatsu usually did. That was one thing she told me

This is Chocho’s response to this claim along with logs to back it up:

Chocho: And Jussy knows I plan to finish hers when it's cooler Fhujeth: Totty: Choromatsu-Niisan is the kind of person who wears..... like... the pads on the elbos and all Chocho: It's okay if I fuck up a background, it's not okay if I fuck up paid art

[The background in this chatlog was regarding the backgrounds I used to draw for domatsus blog updates. All of the art I have ever done on commission for anybody, ever, including Fhujeth themself, was to the best of my ability at the time. I promise that completely, I have no desire to "half-arse" anything. I have no idea where Cathie got the idea that I didn't draw pictures up to par of my others at the time? I always tried my very best... =/ If Cathie said that at all, I wouldn't know! But I honestly had no idea she felt that way.]

Chocho: I don't want to cop out on the story Chocho: That's why it's pissing me off so fucking much Fhujeth: Rush it? Chocho: no Chocho: Absolutely not Chocho: Quality or bust Fhujeth: i mean it's good and i can help you make sure it's in character Chocho: I've got a good reputation I don't want to fuck it up by coughing up half arsed shit onto the blog Chocho: Yeah, it's a matter of pride, but also a matter of respect for my fans

Fhujeth: It's nice to have stuff made by friends! I liked the figure i had from my friend but i was bummed when i realized she made it shitty on purpose ;.; Chocho: did they really though? Fhujeth: I'm 99& sure. Fhujeth: %^ Chocho: i have more respect for myself than to do that Fhujeth: They're those kind of people.

chochomatsu i have far too much respect for my works to do anything less than my best i wouldn't want to crap out a shitty item chochomatsu i never like asking anybody for money

Fhujeth: Apparently I illustrated a book... and it's coming out soonish..... *halfassed all the art they accepted it and took it my mind is blown, all it is I think they changed the cover*

Doesn’t look like Chocho is the one that “halfassed” art for other people. Art is, of course, subjective... but as long as the person drawing it does so to the best of their current ability and with as much effort as they can spend on it, that’s just fine.

An extra note from me... I saw this in the logs I was given and thought it worth mentioning (because it’s just... not right).

Fhujeth: So for a picture I might charge 25 for I charge 50 for to someone who I knew made 6 figures a year and wanted --- KND operatives Chocho: I think my biggest deal is asking for money full stop

Fhujeth is charging higher prices to people who she knows to have more money. I don’t recall rich people walking into a store and having to pay more because they’re rich. This isn’t a variable income tax system.

The Plush

Still regarding commissions and money in reality, Fhujeth told me about trying to commission Chocho for a custom Matsu plush. This is part of what Fhujeth said to me:

She made a Karamatsu plush and it had messy hair, he was supposed to be from her blog. I didn't like the hair but the plush the rest of it came out great. I told her the honest truth about it. Later she made a Choromatsu plush and I LOVED IT and I kept saying how I wanted to commission her for one and she kept holding the thing I said like 4 months prior about the one's hair against me?

We were friends so I wanted to give her my honest answer when she asked what I thought. The rest of the plush was fine but the hair just looked really off on it. She made the Posing Karamatsu too which I loved as well! I really liked the pattern she made for the Choro one but a lot. A LOT of drama would constantly ensue whenever I said, "hey I wanna commission you for one."

I wasn’t at all sure what the real problem was here or why it was brought up with regards to Chocho being an “abuser”. When I asked Chocho about this one it took a long time to explain.

[Ok... this is a complex one that needs a LOT of backstory to explain... so... I can make plush, but I can't make them EASILY because I don't have a sewing or embroidery machine. Everything I do on a plush has to be done by hand using a needle and thread. That includes the face embroidery/embroidery anywhere else. This takes hours and can mess up my hands/fingers because of repeated pressure of a thin, metal stick pressing into them (also because pushing the embroidery needle through multiple layers of fabric and embroidery REALLY hurts. @_@ And you can stab yourself all too easily. I don't like doing it really so try to avoid it and don't take any commissions unless they are specifically for friends. Fhu knew about the faces and embroidery, so she knew it was a hard and painful activity before she even started pressing for a Totty plush later on.]

Chocho: I have a question Fhujeth: sure :3 Chocho: If I were to make Karamatsu plush, should I make it chibi like the official ones or proportional Fhujeth: that would depend on if you want it to be proportional or chibi :O Fhujeth: why not both Chocho: Because it takes a long time to hand embroider the faces. XD Chocho: And I'm limited on fabric. =( Fhujeth: you hand embroider? wooow Chocho: Yeah! Fhujeth: woow that looks like it would take forever Chocho: It does. @_@ Chocho: And it hurts. XD Fhujeth: that is some dedication Chocho: It's the only way I can do it. =( Chocho: Which is why I only do plush commissions for friends. XD Fhujeth: well, otherwise it'd be a lot

[Eventually, I felt like Fhujeth was a close enough friend to me for me to want to make her a plush. So I offered that I could potentially trade some merch for a small, custom demon Todomatsu plush. I was instantly made uneasy by how it all became about "how much are you going to charge me?". What was simply a "maybe you'd like something made by a friend?" had suddenly turned into a hyper-serious TRANSACTION. I was basically put on the spot to give a price for something that I hadn't even planned yet, I wasn't even suggesting actual money, just a merch trade. That felt like pressure and I was a bit unnerved, but I shook it off.]

Chocho: Hey.. I have an idea/proposition Fhujeth: Go oooooon :O Chocho: Would you be willing to take payment for some thing in the form of a tiny demon Totty plush? Chocho: *some things Fhujeth: :O payment for like what, and PROBABLY x3 just what I have here or? like the kara head/buttons? Since I think we're about even on the auction lot Chocho: I think we're about even on the auction, yeah! =D And I dunno, yeah, the merch you get in Japan I guess, yes! XD Chocho: I'm not sure how big he'd be since things always come out bigger than I expect... Chocho: But he'd be custom cos he'd be demon Totty Fhujeth: i'll be buying more blind bags of stuff :O so I can just keep you updated. Yeah @-@ Chocho: I'd have to make a new pattern. XD I can't use Karamatsu's because he is MASSIVE Chocho: Okay! =D Chocho: How much would you be willing to pay for the plush anyways? @.@ If he came out to be about 12-15cm? Fhujeth: What are you charging o_o Chocho: I was gonna make him keychain sized? But I just know he'll end up bigger. B/ Chocho: I dunno because I've never really done it before. Chocho: Well, I've made things for John on commission but yeah Chocho: I know the cost of fabrics and time and pain Fhujeth: Like, how many hours would it HYPOTHETICALLY TAKE Chocho: But that doesn't line up to what people expect to pay so Chocho: Well Chocho: How long do patterns take. =_= Hmm... a few hours Chocho: Making plush can take... over a week Chocho: (It's usually way longer to be honest, but they're usually bigger( Fhujeth: I'm not sure o_o I'd like it but my budget is only as big as what I have ATM. Kara head is 35 + the buttons is 9 (minus one from the doodle just now) Chocho: Watch him end up being half the size of Karamatsu instead of 12-15cm Chocho: We can wait and see! Fhujeth: And as I get more stuff I'll figure things out o_o I'm bad with plush prices. Chocho: It was just an idea. XD Fhujeth: I am interested! And yeah! Fhujeth: If you can give me a number it'd be better!! and you should put a dog squaeky inside it o_O so it makes some sound, if you can, I think you can get that from like... a cheap store and take out of dog toy.... ?? which I can pay for? AHHHH, let's wait till I figure things out but assume right now we're at 42 dollars or something Chocho: Hahaha! XD That's a good idea on the squeaker! Chocho: Yeah, we'll keep it in mind! =D Chocho: (Also gotta remember the face embroidery) Fhujeth: Yeah x.,x Chocho: I wish I had a machine for that. =(

[The idea of the plush stuck around though]

Chocho: I'm really concerned about this plush Fhujeth: Aww don't worry about it too much. Fhujeth: I am not that picky if love is involved. Chocho: Yeah, but you don't want him to be hideous Chocho: I also worry about the quality of the embroidery Chocho: Because I'm not a machine Fhujeth: oh I am not picky on that I will know it is hand made. as long as it wont fall apart. Chocho: It shouldn't fall apart Chocho: But it might be ugly Fhujeth: I got a sculpture from sone, I showed them the example of what I wanted, I showed them a turn around, the got the proportions all wrong Fhujeth: you wont be that bad. Fhujeth: I still kept the loved the sculture Fhujeth: scupture Chocho: Kept the sculpture? Fhujeth: I kept it and loved it^ Chocho: What sculpture? Fhujeth: it was of my knd oc Fhujeth: i commissioned her because i thought she'd do really good Chocho: Was it not so good then? =< Fhujeth: i was disappointed greatly Fhujeth: but said nothing Chocho: Aww.. =( Chocho: I'm sorry about that Chocho: That's what I'm worried about

Fhujeth: I've commissioned some original stuff of my characters and came out really bad, in fact one I think got made bad on purpose.... Fhujeth: But I loved it anyways until one day the head came off because they didn't bake it enough... like the wire just split through the head >< I wanted them to fix it but I moved by then so it's at my dads so it wouldn't break more Fhujeth: And I'll be honest on a technical level and for that person's skill it was atrocious and when I first saw it I felt kind of bothered... Fhujeth: But I thought maybe it wasn't like that on purpose and they did it the best they could so I put it with all my other stuff of that OC

There was a weird situation building up here from what I could tell. Fhujeth wanted a quality plush which is fair enough, and Chocho doubted her ability to match the requirements. Fhujeth saying that they’ve commissioned other people and been disappointed with the result in the past was obviously furthering the doubt from Chocho that the requirements could be fulfilled. Claiming that a past commission had been done badly on purpose was, to me, a step too far. There doesn’t seem to be any proof of that here and presenting that thought to Chocho inevitably heightened the concern about being able to satisfy Fhujeth even further. I know for sure that if someone commissioned me for anything creative and was mentioning past commissions in this sense I would lose all confidence in my ability.

[The concept of a "demon Totty" plush had become a thing and was on our er.... list of things I owe in trade for merch? No merch traded hands though, I liked to pay for them first... but Fhujeth would "put things aside" on the "plush list", though not everything applied. In any case, I eventually decided to try and make a small Karamatsu plush as a test, since Fhujeth didn't like the risk of me making her a plush without seeing the pattern first. I was a little unsure about him, his hoodie kind of pinched his neck because I'd made the opening too small and his hair was VERY fluffy because of the fur I'd used for it. I felt concerned about him, especially since Fhujeth had now set this very high bar in my mind, what with being so money concerned, telling me about how she was certain her friend intentionally made her a bad commission sculpture to spite her and that she was VERY disappointed in the result, but didn't say anything... also with the idea that she didn't want to risk me making it without proving she'd like the pattern first.]

Chocho: Progress Fhujeth: aww that looks adorable! Chocho: NOT WHEN HE HAS A HEAD Chocho: I just placed it there Chocho: I used the long pile fur so it would NOT be that messy if I had used the minky Chocho: OH WELL Chocho: Whatever Chocho: I'm only finishing this really because it'd be a waste of embroidery otherwise. XD Fhujeth: give him bandages Fhujeth: have big Kara care for poor injured baby scruffy kara Chocho: It this particular one worth the effort? Chocho: "He looks retarded because he fell off the roof" Fhujeth: xDDDD Chocho: I guess he's not THAT bad Chocho: but eh Chocho: I don't think he's worth $ Chocho: maybe if the hair was shorter fur but I dunno, can't really tell that because it's not Fhujeth: haircut? Chocho: Nah Chocho: Because once it's cut it can't come back Chocho: And if I fuck it up that's it fucked up further for good! Chocho: But yeah, I don't think I can make you a Totty. @_@ I'm sorry Fhujeth: it is ok ^-^ Chocho: I didn't think you'd like it! XD Fhujeth: you don't seem confident :3 Fhujeth: so it is ok! Chocho: You don't seem to like how he looks anyway though. XD Fhujeth: it's hard to tell with the hair tbh Chocho: It's overall pretty shitty, huh? Fhujeth: Nooo! Fhujeth: The body for sure looks great Chocho: But the most important part is the head Fhujeth: the face is good too! Fhujeth: but the hair is very... wild Chocho: Really? I thought the face looked bad... Well yeah, I used craft fur, minky is like what you have on the keychain plush Chocho: Look at the length on big Karamatsu compared to little here Fhujeth: yeah! that is a hugeee difference Chocho: Yeah

[The small Karamatsu plush's hair kept coming up, even though I had explained that I used a different fur than what I would use for hers....]

Chocho: Be honest, do you want a chibi body like the keychain plush, or a to scale one Fhujeth: whichever you as the artist want. What do you personally thing might look better Chocho: The body pattern I have looks more to scale Fhujeth: I do like the chibi body but a real body, if it translates well, the bunny I got, did you see how it is... Fhujeth: it's like 2.5 heads tall Fhujeth: how is that like... that is ok too... Fhujeth: 3 heads tall Fhujeth: ok Fhujeth: 2 heads ehh Chocho: XD Chocho: I dunno Fhujeth: I like the height of the karamatsu plush but yeah his head (and hair) bugged me Fhujeth: we talk little the big one is fine Chocho: Well, I told you that his hair was not the same fabric. =P Fhujeth: yeah! Chocho: I used craft fur, not minky, cos I wanted it messy Chocho: But yeah, seriously though, no promises Chocho: I've seen a ton of cute plush and I don't think I'm cut out for it Chocho: To be honest, I knew you didn't like it as soon as you said you didn't know if you wanted to trade for it yet Fhujeth: brb my mom got me Chocho: Ok! Chocho: I think for now, it's best to assume I won't be able to do this, ok? The plush. Chocho: To be honest, to make one to the proportions of cute bunny Totty would involve me remaking the pattern all over again, not just the head. And that involves making the clothes patterns again too. It's a lot of effort that to be honest I don't think I'm willing to put in. Chocho: The effort and time to make ANOTHER pattern (especially if it just fails again), considering that I've already made 2 Matsu patterns already, not that one of them was with Totty in mind, but nonetheless... if more time, effort and stress than I think you'd be willing to trade for Chocho: *is Fhujeth: oh the bunny totty is bleg Fhujeth: I like your big karamatsu Fhujeth: bug maybe half the size Fhujeth: but^ Chocho: That would still be making a whole new pattern. u_u And I thought the Bunny Totty was really nice. =( Fhujeth: not just a resize Chocho: The way that big Karamatsu's head is done makes it hard to resize. =( Chocho: Besiiiides Chocho: I'm sure you wouldn't like the nasty darts I had to put in to make his hair work... Chocho: Also, his head flops cos it's heavy, you don't want it Chocho: It's too hot to work on anything plush now anyway. Because I don't have a machine, all the sweat that the hot, muggy weather causes will soak right into the fabric. Which is disgusting. So I avoid it... I also think if I had a machine that would do the face for me in a matter of minutes, it wouldn't be a problem... but I don't.. so every failure is a lot of wasted time and pain and suffering. All in all... I don't think I could make you something you wouldn't be disappointed with. =( Chocho: And not because I think you would rip into it, but because I don't think I have the skills Chocho: Anyways, I better get to bed! G'night! I'll catch you tomorrow! Fhujeth: nooo Fhujeth: i haD TO EAY Fhujeth: eat Fhujeth: so soon Fhujeth: so soon Fhujeth: to when I came back Fhujeth: i was gonna confess eerything to you Chocho: Confess? Chocho: I only send the message a minute ago. XD Fhujeth: AHH YOU ARE HERE MY FRIEND <3 Fhujeth: Yeah but a minute, less than you can walk away Chocho: But really, I do need to go after I've taken my meds, Kirk has to get up early Fhujeth: I love you, I am glad I met you. before we fuss, let me clarify things hsould we get into an argument Chocho: It's probably best we do this tomorrow so I can sleep. XD;;; Fhujeth: please, when we end a day in a huff and you show up not the next day it hurts so bad Chocho: As in, if it takes a negative turn, I can never sleep and Kirk's health tomorrow depends on me sleeping Fhujeth: Affirmative, be well, sleep well. Fhujeth: It was more detailed, that was a summary. Chocho: I didn't think we were arguing or having a huff today. '3' Fhujeth: not today! just anytime~ Fhujeth: like the other day Chocho: I was just expressing that I don't think I'm fit for purpose!

Which way round is this? Fhujeth claimed to me that Chocho was the one that brought up the hair thing and held it against Fhujeth. These chatlogs suggest it’s the other way around; Fhujeth really didn’t like whatever had been done with this other plush’s hair and was holding it over Chocho’s head whenever the idea of the Totty plush commission was discussed.

[I started to pay off the stuff we had on the "Totty plush list" from what I remember, since my first attempt had been not good enough. Fhujeth still wanted a Totty Plush though so that was still in the air. Then there was a set of limited edition... uhhh... lottery official plush I think it was? Of the Matsus in the "I <3 Toto" outfits released. I managed to get the Choro through my friend in Japan and I wanted the Kara (of course) but he was nowhere to be seen. Eventually one popped up on Yahoo Auctions!, but he was expensive, I couldn't afford him. Fhujeth mentioned she wanted it, but would feel bad if she got it (and I didn't), so I figured I'd offer, if she was willing to grab the plush and hold it, I could trade it for the Totty plush (if I could do it to her standards), otherwise she could keep the plush for herself without guilt, or sell the plush off for profit or something since it's limited edition and the value will only go up. She didn't want to "RISK" it, which made me incredibly upset since she, by this point, had repeatedly insisted/hinted that I wouldn't do a job good enough for her to accept and it was getting quite insulting. Why did she keep saying these things, yet keep asking for the plush? =/;]

Chocho: I really want that but it's out of my reach Fhujeth: I like it but I'd feel bad if I got it Chocho: Would you trade me it for a demon Totty plush? Fhujeth: You mean like I buy it, keep it in the package and all and if you design a plush I like we trade or is it I buy it expecting we trade? Because in one regard that is alot of pressure because One I see done, already, the other I don't... so... and then if you make it and there is some issue then I'll feel so bad and obligated to say yes anyways. Like what are you thinking o.x Fhujeth: I mean Fhujeth: what are you thinking/what is your idea Chocho: Yeah. I'd trade you that Karamatsu straight for a demon Totty plush and we would make sure it's a pattern you like. Chocho: Nah, never mind, it was just a thought Fhujeth: Isn't that a lot of work for a plush like that? Chocho: It is Fhujeth: I'm willing to take the risk I guess... I hate calling it a risk but... In the end I guess my biggest fear is you present me with something and I dislike it and then we end in a problem. I'm not picky but my last few non-drawn commissions from people have been all crap. Fhujeth: Not saying you'd do that! Fhujeth: I'm just saying it's like I pay for something and it breaks. Fhujeth: Not that a plush can break, and yours look like good quality. Chocho: You think my plush would fall apart? Chocho: If you think it's too much of a risk don't worry about it! Fhujeth: No, no. Fhujeth: Do you prefer me not expressing just my thoughts outloud? Chocho: I think it's kind of insulting you think that doing a trade with me is a huge risk and you'll probably get something you'll hate... Chocho: But it's fine, don't worry about it! Fhujeth: No that's not my concern! See now I feel guilty ^^;; Chocho: I'd prefer not to do all the work of making a pattern and plush and the face embroidery for one plush anyway Fhujeth: I'll do the trade if that is what you want to do. Chocho: Because it IS a lot of work, effort and, since you seem to think I'd fuck up, heartache for a $55 plush +fees and postage Fhujeth: It's not that I don't trust you I just always jump to the worst conclusions. Fhujeth: Chances are the plush is going to be super cute and awesome. Chocho: I don't really want to make a plush for somebody who thinks I'm going to churn out junk... that is WAY too much pressure Fhujeth: I feel like you're trying to guilt trip me.... Fhujeth: ..but maybe I am misreading it. Chocho: Not really, I just feel hurt that every time I mention making a plush you make it sound like I'm going to make an ugly piece of crap Chocho: You are the only one who has ever repeatedly made me feel like I churn out shit plush... Fhujeth: I really want a plush from you! Fhujeth: I'm just really nervous to buy plush, always. Chocho: I don't want to make a plush for you because you don't trust I can do it Chocho: It's fine, I don't need to spend another $55+ anyway really!! Chocho: And plush take weeks Fhujeth: I do really want a plush from you. Fhujeth; I am patient and in no rush. Chocho: What if I can't make something you like? Fhujeth: You'll make something I like. I'm sorry for instilling fear in you. Chocho: Would you sell it to me in commissions of other kinds or for tutoring/red lining/whatever as long as it's not something I can't teach? Chocho: Or would you just keep it you think? Fhujeth: I want a demon totty plush or I'll keep him, probably... unless there is more art I need i the future. Just take your time. I'm sure whatever you do will be great. I didn't mean to make you feel scared or pressured. I'm just scared of things but yeah...

Wait... what? Fhujeth says here “I feel like you're trying to guilt trip me....” but this whole chatlog continues to read like Fhujeth is almost threatening Chocho that they must get things right if the work is to go ahead. It’s plenty obvious that Fhujeth really wanted a custom plush from Chocho... but at the same time injecting incredible levels of fear and doubt about whether she trusted Chocho to do a good job. I don’t really know why this was the case but I know for sure that if I was in this situation I’d simply say “No, sorry, I can’t do this for you” and refuse the job. Fhujeth obviously couldn’t take this for an answer, though.

[A little while later, I offered to pay off the Karamatsu plush straight and not trade him for the plush so that Fhujeth could have the money since she needed the funds. Fhujeth still wanted the plush though, even though I wasn't sure if I could do it, so it continued...]

Fhujeth: Hey Chocho: Hi! Chocho: I have a proposal for you... Chocho: How much was the postage to get Totty and Kara idols to you? Fhujeth: For both? Well I put them in with some other stuff remember? Chocho: What would be my percentage of it? Fhujeth: Well just the Kara right? o.o Chocho: Yeah Fhujeth: Let me look ;o Chocho: OK! Fhujeth: sorry if eel reallyyy shitty Fhujeth: if you saw my tumblr messages Fhujeth: my mom poisoned me Fhujeth: in short so you don't have to read Chocho: I did and that's why I'm asking this Fhujeth: Okay so he alone was 5500 + Buyee fee 150 + Yahoo Fee 200 + Domest Shiiping Fhujeth: not going to charge for consolidation Fhujeth: it was 3700 yen for all 5 items to be shipped....... the 700 is fine I'll do the other 3000 of that Fhujeth: 5500+ 350 + 1112+ 700 Chocho: Ok! Would you be willing to post him to Kaji too? Fhujeth: Yeah, when I get that other Karamatsu eventually. Chocho: If so, I'll pay you for him flat out (if I can afford to after I've paid Kazuki) so that you can put that money towards getting away from that mother that's trying to kill you. $75.57 he comes to Fhujeth: No, no, no. I want the plush from you. Chocho: We can do the plush later, you need the money more right now

[Eventually I tried again at a pattern, this time a little bigger in a rag doll style with floppy limbs. When I started making the pattern I was already on edge because of the high feeling of pressure, especially since I never know if a pattern is going to work when I first make it. When I had actually put him together, I was really quite disappointed. I felt that I had messed up his body, it was too much like a cylinder and I felt I hadn't tapered him enough to his shoulders so he looked boxy. His eyes also came out wonky (one iris/pupil a little higher than the other...) which I had no idea how had happened since it was straight in the hoop as far as I was aware. I was just incapable of seeing the plush in a good light, I felt like I hadn't hit the standard I was desperately hoping for and I felt the plush was a failure.]

Chocho: he's also naked because i don't have his clothes fabric yet Chocho: yeah i did, but he hasn't turned up in the house yet Fhujeth: Can I see nakey choro? Chocho: i'd rather not... it's... really bad Fhujeth: *it's cool if not* Fhujeth: That's fine! Chocho: i'm just going to make him my hug buddy Fhujeth: I'm sure he's not that bad! Fhujeth: I have Present Jyushi and the one time he showed up I did not be there to pet him Chocho: you thought little karamatsu was bad, this one's not much better Chocho: which sucks because it wasn't easy to make Fhujeth: I did notthink he was bad o.o Chocho: you said you didn't like him, especially his face [<- this here, unless I missed one of the logs, was a mistake on my part. Unless Fhujeth restated at some point that his face was bad too, but I don't remember specifically] Fhujeth: I think the hair through it off for me Chocho: i used craft fur on that one instead of minky Chocho: i did say that... Chocho: craft fur is lower quality and longer pile, but i wanted it to be messy Fhujeth: Yeah, but it made an illusion for me! I think if I saw him in person it'd be different for sure! I am sure it looks great (Choro)

[In the end, after I broke away from Fhujeth and gave my Chocho some clothes, I ended up falling in love with him. The clothes nicely hid the fact that his torso is a tube... XD;;; And I don't notice the eyes now, even though I know they're dorpy. I also don't have that whole pressure over my head to perform any more... So yeah.... this entire thing went WAY past the whole messy hair plush thing... it was the constant being threatened that I better do a good job and the whole air that commissioning/trading me a plush was a "risk" to her and her high set standards etc. had left me feeling hypercritical of all my attempts and feeling at a complete loss. She brought up the hair repeatedly in regards to that one, small, plush. But there were other factors too that made me absolutely want to back out, but I felt too scared to say "sorry, no... I'm not going to make this" because it had gone on so long.]

It’s definitely Fhujeth that brought up the hair issue on multiple occasions, despite using this as part of the “abuser” argument in my conversation with her. There is some context here I’m not 100% sure of but it’s more than obvious that there was a lot of injected pressure from Fhujeth regarding this commission over a period of time. There is no reason for me to believe that this was Chocho being abusive in any way.

The Fat/Slob-love situation

In my conversation with Fhujeth, the subject turned to a claim that Chocho had a thing for “slobbing up characters” which made Fhujeth uncomfortable. This is what was said to me by Fhujeth:

I lost a lot of faith and trust in having close friends because of the way they would make me feel bad if I didn't do something for them or if I mentioned that some of what they drew made me uncomfortable. (example; the drawing in reference to that chat was uhh, Choromatsu, aged 30s where she gave him messy hair as his hair was thinning, laying shirtless on a green arm chair, his gut hanging out, and he looked like a slob)."

"It was more that that was all she drew. I draw some weird stuff but it's never consistent. As you can tell she has some sorta thing for slobbing up characters based on our roleplays and private interactions and literally most of Domatsu and Chochomatsu blogs being.... slob. Our RPs were all about humiliation and Choromatsu being a fat drunk gross slob. It wasn't an occasional thing, it was an all the time thing.

This again had me confused... I couldn’t see where the “abuse” actually came into this. I mean, fair enough, some people find certain things uncomfortable and if that is stated to the person they believe to be making them uneasy with certain types of content, they should speak up and let them know - especially if it is in a one-to-one conversation between friends.

I obviously asked Chocho about this situation and this is the explanation I got:

[See, the fat thing is funny because it was FHUJETH that kept bringing it up. We'd be talking about something completely different, or roleplaying normally and she'd bring the subject in. She KNEW I didn't like it, I said multiple times that it made me uncomfortable, but she just wouldn't stop. I kind of wondered if she was trying to push "desensitisation" of something I don't like on me. And that bit where she said that picture of Choromatsu made her uncomfortable? That's funny too because she sent me this in one of her post-parting ways e-mails;

"There is a common reoccurring theme with your art that screams "slob love" the baggy eyes, messy hair, beer belly/guy, five o'clock shadow. It's okay to like that and I never thought it was gross even though I was well aware you were into that way before we stopped being friends. I never judged you for that because I mean, I'm a fetish artist, lol."

Also, it wasn't ME who drew obese Matsus... that was Fhujeth, I still have some pics she sent me, here.]

For the record, the image Fhujeth was referring to (”Choromatsu, aged 30s where she gave him messy hair as his hair was thinning, laying shirtless on a green arm chair, his gut hanging out, and he looked like a slob”) is this one:

That, to me... isn’t what it was dramatized to be. Dad bod, anyone? “gut hanging out”? Er, nah... if that picture makes Choromatsu out to be a fat slob I really need to sort my life out!! And that arm chair isn't green...(??)

Also, salarymatsu.tumblr.com is publicly visible and the reference for his hair was from canon material (kun).

This is the Osomatsu-kun reference Chocho used for the hair:

It was Ichimatsu with the messy hair (the one with the glasses, last panel)... but this is real canon stuff about the Matsus being 30 years older than their kun age. It’s a bit of a running joke in the series that Choromatsu becomes bald but there’s absolutely nothing here to suggest a “slob” kink.

[Also, she was ALWAYS talking about fetishes. So, so often, more so than anybody I have ever met before. EVERYTHING was(/is?) a fetish to her!]

Fhujeth: The only cartoon network shows that I can argue had any kink content in them was Uncle Grandpa and Kids Next Door and the latter the director told me it didn't.

Fhujeth: Tuttle I think he gets depression after his wife dies and becomes a blob... I really like that video. XD Chocho: Ahhh okay. XD;; Fhujeth: Anyways yes I wanted to share that with you since we talk of kinks a lot and that song is one of my favourite things seth macfarlane's done Chocho: It's not like I choose to talk about kinks! XD Fhujeth: But we do!

Fhujeth: How... how close to "stuffing" should I get before too much is too much because I am not very good at drawing the line between kink and not kink because I have done kink artwork and am 100% desensitized to it

[Another interesting piece of chatlog from Fhujeth is...;]

Fhujeth: I like stupid drunk losers tht are slobs

Fhujeth: Ahh ok! But I like fat slob loser characters a lot, idk why they appeal to me greatly... especially ones that are unaware of how lame they are

Wait... you what?? Fhujeth was blaming Chocho for being into this as a kink and using it in her argument as to why Chocho was an abuser. This is evidence that it was in fact THE OTHER WAY ROUND and the accusation is blatant projection. I don’t get it - why use this as an argument when it’s an obvious lie?? Like I said earlier, if something makes someone uncomfortable, they should speak up. But as proven in the chatlogs it was in fact Fhujeth that liked “fat slob loser characters a lot” or “stupid drunk losers that are slobs”.

There was a LOT more chatlog suggesting Fhujeth liked to bring up fat in random conversations that were, in general, unrelated.

Chocho: Why does Karamatsu go around with his arms crossed in those clothes Chocho: Only in those Chocho: There seems to be no reason Fhujeth: Karamatsu: *feels fat* Totty: OF ALL THE CLOTHES*

Fhujeth: originally a black and white character, is just a fat pig now Fhujeth: Btw this show if you never saw it is brilliant Chocho: Ichimatsu: Actually Todomatsu then Fhujeth: Totty: :// IIRC: She is even depicted as super fat and can't fit into things and like eats an entire car. I feel like there was an episode she gets stuck somewhere from being so fat and she can't get outside to a food mobile that comes every rare time. Chocho: She doesn't look that fat! XD; Fhujeth: They change it for the show, it's very.... cartoonish Chocho: Ahhh okay! Fhujeth: Like, at certain times they make her fatter

Fhujeth:XDD Totty: I'l commission you - Draw Karamatsu really fat and ugly.... and then make his head normal... you know Chocho: XD Fhujeth: Totty, wait, he already is like that Chocho: Karamatsu: ... 8( Totty!

Fhujeth: dayon has a big head. Chocho: XD Chocho: yes Chocho: DAYOOOOOOOOON Fhujeth: and on a perspective level that person is tall Fhujeth: and the one in green is tall Chocho: Yes. XD Chocho: Well, I still think the Matsus are short Fhujeth: they were tall as kids Fhujeth: at least in 66 kun Fhujeth: xD they look like giants Chocho: I love that bit before that though, where they call Karamatsu an idiot and he's all hurt Chocho: XD Chocho: Yeah, but in 66 kun they change height all the time. XD; Fhujeth: "I'm not an idiot" :( Chocho: Karamatsu: *wiggly mouth* Fhujeth: i bought those tickets because i care Chocho: And all the merch. XD Chocho: .... something weird goes on with his body here.. Chocho: ???? Fhujeth: Totty: It's the fat inside him Chocho: XD Chocho: It just couldn't take being called an idiot Fhujeth: THE FUCK DID HE SAY JUST NOW Chocho: XD Chocho: "How so"????

Fhujeth: Totty: Hah, if Choromatsu Niisan wants to do that then I'll go to his stinky idol club and make a fool of himself in front of nyaachan. Fhujeth: Yeah! Chocho: Yeah, exactly Chocho: Feel free to get Totty to get Chocho's dick out in front of Nyaa-chan Chocho: And do whatever with it! Fhujeth: So he sneaks back stage using his "Totty Charisma Charm" and makes a fool of himself. OK! Yeah! This is fun :D Chocho: That doesn't involve a knife or irreperable damage, hahaha Yeah Fhujeth: it was an ideaaaaa ;.; Chocho: Totty can do things like join Nyaachan and idol fansites and post dick pics and nudes Chocho: No no, I mean, you can do dick things. XD Chocho: Just not involving knives Fhujeth: Totty: I AM CHOROMATSU MATSUNO I AM A REAL FAT OTAKU WITH NO PRIDE. I HAVE TWELVE BROTHERS SO IF YOU SEE A GUY WHO LOOKS LIKE ME ITS TOTALLY NOT ME BECAUSE I AM GROSS AND NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE EXCEPT TO GO TO IDOL SHOWS :>

[This particular chatlog was about a "bodyswap" event we were going to do between Chochomatsu and Totally-Totty where the two (in each others bodies) go off to try and ruin each other's reputation.]

Chocho: Choromatsu's muttering that he'd like some boobies wrapped around him Chocho: Preferably belonging to Totoko and Nyaa-chan Chocho: Because he's scared of everybody else Fhujeth: Kara's man boobs Fhujeth: jk Chocho: I think that's something that people don't tend to realise with these guys... Or at least Karamatsu, Choromatsu and Ichimatsu... Chocho: They're virgins... they're nerds and they're (deep down) introverted... they're scared of girls.. they're gagging for it, but they don't know what they're doing and it's been so long that when a girl DOES approach them, they panic Chocho: Jyushimatsu's too 8D to be bothered by it I think... Totty's practised with being around girls and Osomatsu is just... XD Chocho: But the other 3 don't have a clue what they're doing Chocho: Karamatsu acts like he's this hot piece of meat, but as soon as he actually potentially gets a date

["Kara's man boobs" was, of course, not in regards to ANYTHING we had been talking about. I ignored it.]

Chocho: Besides how weird that is Chocho: Lice prefer clean hair. Apparently. Not that Ichimatsu's hair wouldn't be clean, it's not even that messy Fhujeth: what a werid ask Chocho: Right? Chocho: *picks nose* Fhujeth: xD Fhujeth: ughhh Fhujeth: Totty: Ok, when I say Kara is fat he's not Chubby. -.- Chocho: Ichimatsu: What's the difference Fhujeth: Totty: He's.... fat... *does motion like pregnant*

[The "weird ask" "lice" part was in regards to an ask Chocho got mentioning about how anon was concerned that Ichimatsu would have lice because of his hair. I answered that one fairly close to the end of when I was interested in working on the blog if you really want to see it. The fat comment wasn't in regards to anything that we had been talking about.]

Chocho: This is actually a redraw of something from 2002/3 Fhujeth: Are those all saying he needs to lose weight? Chocho: No. XD Fhujeth: Oh

Fhujeth: Yeah! "Karamatsu Tax" Totty: He's so fat he has to be charged mroe to be drawn.

[This was in a conversation about somebody young who wanted to commission me, but had no money, who had been passed my details by somebody who had no idea that they couldn't afford to commission anybody. I had a waiting list for domatsu commissions at that point, so I couldn't warrant doing anybody artwork for free in that style (I didn't even have time to draw art for myself!) but the person wasn't taking no for an answer. Just before going to pressure the person who gave the young person a recommendation to come to me, Fhujeth said this. I won't share the rest of the log, because it has details (names/urls) about the young person and the person who pointed them in my direction. It was a misunderstanding from their part, so it's not fair to and I won't put them on the spot. This just had nothing to do with the subject.]

Chocho: ah, they're around Fhujeth: AHH Fhujeth: I'll try to see if choromatsu becomes available Fhujeth: i need Fhujeth: tots Chocho: ded Fhujeth: No sign of Pink Legless man yet! The only way he could lose that weight was cutting it off :( Chocho: who totty? Chocho: i take it the idea of that machine is to push kara off the platform? Fhujeth: Yeah! Chocho: however that is don Chocho: e Fhujeth: just.... poke at hit until his fatass falls off... probablly.... seeing if you can scoop it otherwise just start at one end and try to push it in one direction then flip to the other end x.x it looks money consuming Chocho: there is only one claw Fhujeth: Yeah I mean by one side being his butt and then head Chocho: i see Chocho: i don't care for that one anyway, i only want choros

[This was about that online crane game you can win real prizes from, Toreba I think? Fhujeth was talking about the available prizes and how to win them.]

Chocho: choro's the rude one? Fhujeth: XD No. Totty knows he was wrong, he feels really bad. I think he'll get flung back and remain there like, "X.x" and then when he comes to try to "make it up" to his big brother whether it be getting in the way or mentioning that his brother has some issues with his shirt Fhujeth: or fat

[wait what]

What indeed... why is fat being randomly brought up as a subject in the middle of conversations so much if Fhujeth knew Chocho didn’t like it? If I know one of my friends doesn’t like something I don’t try to constantly push it in their face. This, to me, is an example of abuse in the opposite direction to what Fhujeth is claiming.

Fhujeth: My mom LOVES to watch the fat people shows like about the people so fat that they are like nothing but blobs and then they lose the weight

Fhujeth: Totty: EHHH? *huff* I.... I don't care either. Fhujeth: TottY: I DON'T CARE! (almost wrote cake) Chocho: chocho: sure! Fhujeth: Totty: To prove I don't care I will wear this fatsuit. Chocho: chocho: go on then Chocho: chocho: post photos of you in it to twitter too

Fhujeth: Jyushimatsurepliez took the leaf off Totty and now Totty is a Tanuki I'ma draw him kinda fat but not with big balls Fhujeth: But fat animals are not gross like people

Fhujeth: Finally Totty is fat xD

[By the last month this was what MOST of the conversations were about, it always went back to fat, not because I wanted it to. Where my text is lower case, it's because I was fucking done, I was so sick of this topic, the only way I could bounce it back was using humour.]

I would be fucking done by this point too. If someone I thought was a friend was constantly throwing a subject I didn’t like at me, despite me saying I didn’t like it and I don’t want to talk about it, I’d be seriously pissed off.

Fhujeth: I really like Choro! Actually that was one I paid for too today was the idol choro mascot plush, I wonder if he'll be fat Fhujeth: I'll get him in a few days! Fhujeth: And hopefully he'll... be skinny. Fhujeth: but if he is fat he is ffat Fhujeth: Then we know. Fhujeth: But if he is skinny then you were blessed. Chocho: "blessed"

[This was out of nowhere too. For context with that plush, I ordered a Choromatsu from the second set of the first plush (I think?) that were available? It's the small keychain "mascot" where Choromatsu is in the green flannel shirt with glowsticks and a bandana. When mine came, he was overstuffed which made his face look... wide... I was somewhat upset because he was nowhere near what the first one looked like, I wanted one that looked like the one from the first set. Apparently by getting a "fat" Choro, I was "blessed".]

In my conversation with Fhujeth, she claimed this:

Our RPs were all about humiliation and Choromatsu being a fat drunk gross slob. It wasn't an occasional thing, it was an all the time thing.

Chocho gave me this chatlog to explain that the topic was, again, brought into the roleplay by Fhujeth - not the other way round:

Fhujeth: Totty: All old people have hard candy in their pockets, Choromatsu-niisan... It helps them remember what it's like to feel teeth. Chocho: chocho: no idea what you're talking about Fhujeth: Totty: *finds one* Ewww, it's sticky... Fhujeth: Totty: You should use this... *runs away and returns with a green bumbag/fannypack* Chocho: chocho: why would it be sticky in a wrapper in a bag? Fhujeth: Totty: It must've melted. Fhujeth: Totty: *it's not sticky* Chocho: chocho: if you don't want it, give it back Fhujeth: Totty: I want it... Fhujeth: Totty: *opens and eats it* :3c *realizes this was in his brothers pocket* *smiles still despite realizing how gross it is being in an old man's pocket too* :3c;;;;;;;; *spits it out* Fhujeth: Totty: It tastes good at least! Fhujeth: Totty: Is there a bag of fresh ones? Fhujeth: Totty: *carefully places bumbag on Choromatsu's waist* Hopefully it's not too small~ Fhujeth: Totty: *tightens it all the way, too tight* Chocho: chocho: argh why?!?!?! Fhujeth: Totty: Hmm it seems really tight on you... Fhujeth: *steps back, hand on chin Chocho: chocho: what are you doing to me?! you're trying to kill me Chocho: chocho: again Fhujeth: Totty: I'm giving you this bag to store candy and goods in! Chocho: chocho: stop tying it up so tight, i'm not a child i don't need the child setting!! Chocho: chocho: that HURTS you know! just like if i did it to you!! Fhujeth: Totty: Ah, you're right.. *loosens all the way* There, fat old man setting. *it still fits on him* Chocho: chocho: THERE IS NO "FAT OLD MAN" SETTING Chocho: chocho: todomatsu... *puts his hand on tottys shoulder* i'm sorry to break it to you, but... i'm not actually fat Chocho: chocho: here, let's see how YOU like it! *swiftly takes off the bag, whips it onto totty and yanks the strap as tight as it will go, harshly in a matter of a couple of seconds* Fhujeth: Totty: ... :S *ithurts* AGHHHH >< It's tight Chocho: chocho: hmm? what's that? it's tight? does it hurt? what a shame *huffs and stomps off* Fhujeth: Totty: *teary eyed immediately* Fhujeth: Totty: AHH TAKE IT OFF! *can't find the snappy part to undo it* CHOROMATSU-NIISANNNNNN!!!!! Chocho: chocho: *long gone*

[Just reading this I am so done, hahahaha! This is another example of us roleplaying and Fhujeth making it about how fat Chocho is. As I said, I just shrugged it off with humour. It ended up being about ridiculing Choromatsu and/or him being fat because she MADE it about it. She knew I didn't like it, so it always came up.]

I mean... this RP just looks playful and silly without context... but with all the above chatlogs taken into account, the obsession with fat and slobs evidently wasn’t coming from Chocho.

Chocho sent this to me which was posted by Fhujeth after the end of their friendship:

“Stop talking to other people”

Another part of my conversation with Fhujeth was a claim that Chocho had told her to stop talking to so many other people so that Fhujeth had more time to talk to important people, i.e. Chocho:

It was little things like demanding that I stop "stretching myself thin so I can chat with the people who matter (her)" instead of jumping around from the dozen or so convos I am in a day.

Chocho showed me this chatlog of that event:

totally-totty The second the drama was done that is why I went and messaged you on domatsu to tell you my reply so you could see it in the morning but I was just getting over anxiety attack and stuff. I didn't want to tell you to go away or anything because I liked knowing you were right there... chochomatsu To be honest, trying to guilt trip me into swallowing my feelings isn't fair either really. totally-totty I dunno. I guess I just do the wrong things. chochomatsu It's not a case of telling me to go away, I would have still been there I know what it's like to have something come up where your mind feels stretched thin and you need to focus on one thing at once as it's really important totally-totty I am sorry I didn't consider your feelings. chochomatsu So really, you should have just said something like "hold on, I'm having a crisis with a friend over here, it's serious", I don't see anything wrong with that totally-totty I will remember to do that. I am learning just now I have so much to learn socially and that I am still so socially under developed with dealing with other people and that I am fucking retarded. I'm really bad with other people's feelings. chochomatsu Calling yourself "fucking retarded" is another form of guilt tripping, by the way.. trying to make the other person feel guilty for being hurt by your actions totally-totty No. I am not asking you to feel guilty about it. I need to get better and learn. I know I have flaws I need to work on it. chochomatsu That's why I'm telling you how it's coming across, that's all totally-totty Thank you. totally-totty I'm really sorry about yesterday it just started off hectic with the auction, I am sure you know that is very high pressure. So after that I was all antsy and didn't feel like drawing so I went around and just cleaned my whole room and then I swam and then I finally sat back down and we chatted some and I was sorta spaced out and then the drama with my friend started and I immediately went into that anxiety shock, you know what I mean? That anxiety shock where it's all, "omg, omg." totally-totty When I was antsy I also started a bunch of other chat conversations with people. x.x So I was distracted with those all day. So I was ignoring them all... I jumped around and would forget them all.

But back to us. I'm really sorry. It's weird when you're not on anymore... haha. I didn't mean to make you think you were annoying or bothersome, either. chochomatsu That's why I don't talk to many people at once totally-totty I'm starting to think I need to stop talking to so many people now. It's really mucked with things. chochomatsu The feeling of complete and utter disconnection and lack of care you get from somebody spreading their conversation capability so thin is extremely damaging Especially when it's from somebody you really enjoy or need to talk to totally-totty I agree, and I have noticed this has been happening especially as of late. Which is why I need to stop it. Because I'd rather talk to the friends I care about than other people.

[So... I didn't even bring it up, she was the one who said it. I just gave reasons as to why it might help her (and the people she talks to, not just me).]

Yeah, I’m not seeing abuse from Chocho here either. Chocho may have given a reason as to why she thought Fhujeth was doing damage to their friendship by trying to talk to many people at once, but isn’t this a valid concern? Fhujeth seemed to take it well here and agree with the stance. Also I do see manipulation of Chocho by Fhujeth with things like “I am fucking retarded” in an attempt to get a sort of “No you are not” response.

Another claim from Fhujeth was this:

It was little things that getting mad at me for being friends with some other people that hated Choromatsu.

Chocho had this to say:

[I never got mad at Fhujeth for being friends with anybody. I admit I got frustrated at people who hated on Choromatsu endlessly, but I'm sure anybody who had their favourites get hated on would feel the same way. I vented to Fhujeth about it, but never, ever attacked her over it. Who she's friends with is none of my business.]

Venting is wholly different than being mad at someone. There doesn’t seem to be chatlogs of this event from either side unfortunately.

Chochomatsu = Domatsu

This goes back to one of Fhujeth’s main claims of abuse from Chocho - that Domatsu and Chochomatsu were two blogs run by the same person but that Chocho refused to tell Fhujeth about it despite them being friends. Fhujeth said this to me:

We talked all day every day and we did the ask blog thing together. For me, it felt like a massive breach of trust when she pretended to be someone else to me. It's okay to want to start new but to lie to your friend that you're not someone is.... that feels very unsavoury.

Asking Chocho, this is the explanation:

Chocho: Interesting that she puts Chocho highly already though Chocho: He's existed for what half a month Fhujeth: Yeah you seem really tense Chocho: Yeah. =( Chocho: I have the magazine pic, your body pillow, jussy's commissions, that plush (Bob), THE NEXT DOMATSU UPDATE, chocho's asks, this birthday thing, just paid twice for my birthday present, probably going to have to do that again when Chibita finally shows up... Chocho: I'm trying!

[This is proof that Chocho existed for less than half a month by the time I told Fhujeth. I didn't tell ANYBODY about Chochomatsu at first because I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep the blog. If I had told anybody, even my closest friends, I would have basically had to be committed to it and I didn't want to seal myself in on a blog I wasn't even sure I'd keep. After a week or so, I felt I wanted to keep Chocho, so I let Fhujeth in on it and my other closest friends outside the fandom (I didn't really have any friends in the fandom besides Fhujeth. Funny that, huh?). Fhujeth was the only one who took offense. (Also, in regards to "we did the ask blog thing together"? That's because she always forced her way into my blog stories and pressured me when I wanted to use my own Totty. I wasn't allowed to even concept asking another Totty blog to be my Totty for any particular post.]

So, what, 2 weeks that Fhujeth didn’t know Chochomatsu and Domatsu were the same person? I am again finding myself not being able to see where the abuse is. Even if it had been kept a permanent secret, it’s another case of this multiple alias thing just... being a thing in the creative arts. Why is it abusive?

To follow on from the subject of Totty blogs, Chocho gave me some explanation as to what that meant:

Chocho: If I legit went and made a Totty blog instead, you'd let me rot domatsu? Fhujeth: No, what I meant was more like... Fhujeth: I don't think I could stand a chance against you and I'd probably have to quit myself. Fhujeth: And I'd see it as competitiion, I guess. Chocho: Why would you do that? Chocho: You know I can't write Totty as well as you Fhujeth: Because there is absolutely no way in hell I can compete with your art. Chocho: Character portrayal is more important than art though Fhujeth: well, not really on tumblr people care about art lots ;.; well, in the end of it all I'd be incredibly hurt like, "Errr, there's 6 guys and you legit going to drop the one to pick the one I play even tho we work so closely together now I'm doomed and we can't work together so much and now I guess we're frenemies." Basically I'd handly it all in a very immature and very bad fashion because I have a very childish competitive nature.... But you are more than welcome to I just wouldn't be able to handle it at all like a grown adult. Fhujeth: its not a threat lmao I legit don't think I;d handle it well XD I already get really competitive when I see other Totty blogs Chocho: Well, don't worry, I wouldn't. I only asked since you said you'd only let me if it was to make a Totty blog? Chocho: I think? Fhujeth: Noooo. Fhujeth: I don't want domatsu to rot at all I love it Chocho: *only let me quit Fhujeth: yeah because the immature fraction of my brain would say, "Uhhhhh...... this person who was my friend is now my enemy" Fhujeth: like blanca was thinking of making a todomatsu universe I said, "NO" Fhujeth: Not like that Chocho: Uh... how do you feel about my Totty then? =S Fhujeth: I like him! Fhujeth: But since you don't have him as a dedicated blog... Fhujeth: I'm not like, scared. Fhujeth: That he'll become something I have to worry over. Fhujeth: Since you're Karamatsu to me... Fhujeth: of course I don;t OWN him either I just don't want to get competitive Fhujeth: against friends... because I get really bad. Fhujeth: I am crazy agressive competitive person if I wanna be.... or I give up if I don't think I can do it. Fhujeth: this is a bad side of me... Fhujeth: a really bad side of me Chocho: Even if I gave him his own blog, it'd work in the same way as the rest of them. Fhujeth: Right, that is OK. I mean.... your Oso blog doesn't take asks and all really... Fhujeth: Wow I can already tell I would handle this terribly. Fhujeth: I am feeling my blood pressure going through the roof, God I am so immature :/ At least I am aware of this flaw but still... damn. Chocho: I'm not going to make a Totty ask blog, don't worry Fhujeth: T-Thank you..... Fhujeth: You're allowed to though. Fhujeth: I'd figure you'd go for Choro Chocho: Yeah Fhujeth: I'm sorry....... Fhujeth: For how I just was Chocho: Oh, no, don't worry

Fhujeth: I just hope I didn't make you hate Totty Chocho: No Fhujeth: Did you fall out of love with him tho? Chocho: The only thing is that I feel pressured not to include him in blog things (as mine solo) because you've told me in the past that he's yours Fhujeth: Oh, I don't mean like that you can do that.. Chocho: So if you feel like he's not there much it's because I feel you'd be angry with me if I gave him screen time or his own blog Fhujeth: Hmm, I would feel nervous about his own blog but not screen time.... Chocho: Exactly Fhujeth: Because you do so much better than me... XD;; it's more like Chocho: That's why he's not around Fhujeth: You could basically run me out of business... I guess... Chocho: I really doubt it Fhujeth: Look how fast Chocho grew and he is the same popular as Todo Chocho: Apparently he became one of the more expensive ones, so I don't think that's true... Fhujeth: i dunno. Don't let me stop you from doing what you want. Fhujeth: ^^ Fhujeth: If you run me out of business you run me out of business it's just the way it'd go. XD Chocho: I can't run anybody "out of business", it's not a business. ._. People haven't stopped with Karamatsu or Choromatsu blogs because domatsu and chochomatsu exist for example... Chocho: I managed to get enough for a gacha again and I got red hoodie Osomatsu. =/ Fhujeth: No but if I know a new blog comes out that is doing better than me already and faster than I would up and quit and feel "no point". That is what I got and I was so mad. Fhujeth: But my feelings, please, don't let them influence you. Chocho: And that's why Todomatsu isn't around at all on my blogs Because it would be my fault if you quit Chocho: It's not that I don't like him, more that I'm... not really allowed Fhujeth: Ahh, no, please, don't say that. Fhujeth: Please do what you want. Fhujeth: ==inadifferentveinifeellikeishouldquitnowsighs== why is this all so complicated. can we talk this out just so you can understand where I come from and then you can see that you can do as you wish? :3 Chocho: See? Now I've made you want to quit just by saying that I wanted to separate dematsu into 4 blogs. =S Fhujeth: You can Chocho: I know where you're coming from, you've explained before Chocho: But this is why Totty hasn't been around on my end, that's all Fhujeth: It's not like it's going to be super active or anything like chocho or domatsu .... Chocho: Respecting your wishes Fhujeth: no? Or is it Chocho: It is! You told me you didn't want me to be Totty and that you would feel threatened and annoyed if I did Fhujeth: It would be more active? Please do as you wish. Please don't let me stop you.. Fhujeth: Honest. Fhujeth: But now I feel bad because you want to do something and you feel like I am stopping you. Fhujeth: All I was doing was expressing my feelings but I didn't want you to actually not do something because of me. I am not that selfish. I'll deal with it on my own. Chocho: Nah, it's fine. As long as you know that it's not that I don't like Totty! Fhujeth: I don't know I don't want to prevent you from doing something. Fhujeth: I'm really torn right now. Fhujeth: I'm gonna go away for a while and lay down... x.x I am too conflicted. I do not own a character, so please, by all means, you have every right. Chocho: This is why I didn't do anything! >_< Fhujeth: But you want to!

This is quite an obvious example of gaslighting... “You could basically run me out of business” ... “Don't let me stop you from doing what you want.” ... “No but if I know a new blog comes out that is doing better than me already and faster than I would up and quit and feel "no point".” ... “But my feelings, please, don't let them influence you.” ... “Please do what you want.” ... “I don't know I don't want to prevent you from doing something.” ... “But you want to!”

Seriously... that is some powerful manipulative flip-flopping in an attempt to scare Chocho out of making a Totty blog.

Back to the issue of Chochomatsu and Domatsu being the same person...

[Also, she approached Chocho and pressed for conversation, not the other way around.]

05/19/2016 mr-flag hii ^^ welcome to the ask blog world! I am gonna answer you ask, sorry it';s coming form this blog you only follow this of my blogs <3 I am totally-totty too your choro is super cute <3 I might answer it though in a bit I am not sure yet the timing I have..... I wanna answer it now.... chochomatsu Oh! I thought I was following your Totty blog! I can see it on my dash right now! :O Are you sure? Maybe I need to unfollow and follow again???

[Chocho's blog was started on the 17th of May, 2016. Fhujeth approached the blog on the 19th of May 2016. 2 days after the blog was born.]

Chocho went on to explain that Fhujeth had been accusing her of having a Totty blog before the end of working on the Domatsu blog:

Fhujeth: you are capable of a lot.... i'd not be surprised if you had a totty blog already and I didn't know of it XD Fhujeth: not that you'd be that deceptive Chocho: I'd ummed and ahhed about Chocho for a couple of months before I did him... and I hesitated before I posted him first post even... I felt really guilty about him to be honest. Nah, I really really don't have a Totty blog I have domatsu and it's partner blogs, Chocho and Wakuwaku. And I don't do anything with Waku... since he chills out on Chocho's blog all the time. Fhujeth: Oh I am not accusing you of one...

[She was falsely accusing me of having a Totty blog back before I had even stopped doing Domatsu too. She accused me of a lot to be honest, with no grounds. And how do you prove you don't have something when you don't have something? She always put me on the spot for things I couldn't prove otherwise because they didn't exist.]

“Oh I am not accusing you of one...” Oh really? That’s what it sounds like to me.

In my experience, Fhujeth has been accusing Chocho of running a Totty blog for a very long time. A lot of people in this fandom already know that Fhujeth accused Chocho of being Todomatshu/Shu/Boots - another good friend of mine. This is in fact connected to the Totty Club situation as Shu was the founder and the one maintaining the list of members and such. The Totty Club drama is of course where most of my bad experiences with Fhujeth come from and it is difficult to prove to someone that two blogs are two different people when both people have been scared into not wanting anything to do with Fhujeth at all. I don’t have saved proof, but I have personally witnessed Chocho and Shu in a drawpile session together, working on separate drawings at the same time.

Fhujeth’s words:

totty Like I said too, I wasn't there at the drawpile. I guess one of my other friends was and said something how Chocho emulated Shu's style effortlessly and flawlessly but that is all I know. It falls back down to proof, again. I wasn't there just like you weren't there. I don't know. I'm not going to tell people Shu is Chocho. I don't even bring any of them up in name anymore.

I know which friend Fhujeth is talking about and this is not the same drawpile session I’m talking about. They weren’t there. In fact this friend she mentions is almost certainly the one that leaked chat from the Totty Club discord we had that triggered a lot of the drama with Fhujeth to begin with. I wish I had proof of the drawpile claim but I don’t. I didn’t think to take screenshots - we were all busy drawing and having fun. To this day I get the very strong impression that Fhujeth still believes Chocho and Shu are the same person.

I can’t give chatlogs as proof that they aren’t the same person as no logs I have access to have anything that would prove or disprove anything to do with this issue. The only other thing I can possibly add to this is that in the days of the Totty Club discord I could occasionally see Chocho and Boots (Shu) typing at the same time. Again, no proof, I don’t record my screen!

This entire situation was abusive to all of us. It ripped the Totty Club apart - people were unable to trust other members, Shu in particular, because of Fhujeth’s unfounded claims. As always, Chocho preferred to remain quiet about anything to do with Fhujeth at the time. I have to say I now understand why that was. I also finally understand why Fhujeth was so persistent about Shu being Chocho - she was STILL paranoid that Chocho was running a Totty blog and was attempting to be in direct competition with her.

The Pain Incident

Before I go on with this issue I have to explain why this is the last one I’m bringing up despite it being one of the main things Fhujeth presented as evidence that Chocho was abusive to her. It needs everything that has been explained previously to make sense and to give context, otherwise it comes across as very one-sided and it’s hard to see why the things being said are actually being said. The events of the previous months lead up to this final situation.

First of all, the claim Fhujeth presented to me:

Uhh. Okay, day before is what we're talking about. We were in a convo and she was super into collecting all the Choros for it so the first thing she said was like, "aww I didn't get X choro in the roll" she immediately showed me a drawing after that and I replied with a very stock reply of, "I'm sorry" or something, but as I was sitting down my back just died on me. So I started to panic like, "oh my god I am in so much pain holy shit ahhhhhhafsdgsdfhgdhdg" which obviously caused me to not reply to the drawing cause I was in physical pain and now spazzing about how i'm at home alone and scared and that idk what to do and I can't call anyone and idk where my mom is and i am scared. I was freaking out. She mentioned the drawing again but I just was sorta like.... in freaking out mode by then. I eventually got to the floor, got proper care after laying on the floor home alone for an hour with the anxiety now that my friend hated me and that I was home alone and couldn't move. After my mom came home and I got treated for the pain I came up to apologize on utox and what not and the last message she had written was, "ugh whatever i'm gonna go watch tv"

When I brought this part up with Chocho...

[This is another thing that needs FAR more backstory than Fhujeth gives... but of course she wouldn't give the whole story I suppose... =T In any case, this event happened after months and months of her complaining about her back pain (and other pains, she was just apparently constantly in pain and on pain medication) and shooting down my ideas for ways to get it seen to or ease the apparent pain. Eventually, especially by the last month, I was sick of hearing it and starting to doubt it was actually as bad as she always said it was. It ALWAYS came up, but she was NEVER willing to do anything about it because money and weed is more important.]

Fhujeth: Yeah. I hope I can. x.x I am like, really.... blah. Chocho: Do you think it has to do with the med you had to drop and the lack of weed at all? =( Chocho: Some kind of withdrawal symptoms? Fhujeth: Oh, hey, would you be willing to reblog my promo post? You don't have to... because you probably don't want that on your wall right now, but yeah. Any withdrawl would be gone now. Chocho: Combined with the pain of your slipped disc Chocho: Cos that is not pleasant Fhujeth: I am used to the pain, that is not like, a thing that gets me. Chocho: Pain gets to anybody. u.u Fhujeth: It adds to it but it's not like.... what is angering me. Chocho: Is it the education thing? Chocho: Also, brb!! Fhujeth: Nah, it's the "I am pissed at my friend for not keeping me away from game centers even if I beg because I have no self control and will pile through hundreds of dollars easy because I am mentally sick and can't control myself even tho I begged them the other day to keep me away." Fhujeth: "I am pissed at them too for forgetting that shop exists after I spent a TOOOOON of money on blind bags.

Wow... just to comment here... that’s really not your friend’s responsibility. If you can’t control your own spending don’t put the blame on someone else! You’re saying right there that you have no self control and yet you’re pissed at someone else...

Fhujeth: Ahhh the chronic pain is so... Fhujeth: awakening Chocho: Your slipped disc? =( Chocho: I bet it is! Fhujeth: yeah and then like just pain everywhere else it's kinda messed up Chocho: How are you, besides your disc? =< Fhujeth: Sore xD Chocho: <=( How long have you been suffering this for? Fhujeth: Since I got here for sure uhhh, for the one on the higher part my back, since 2012 I had diagnosed a disc in my lumbar that was out but it is ok now Chocho: Hmm... >_< Can they pop back in place? Fhujeth: I don't have health insurance atm Fhujeth: so I can't get it treated Chocho: I meant on their own. =( Fhujeth: It could I guess Fhujeth: depends on the damage Fhujeth: basically it's really tender at this one spot and then it causes all the muscles to tense around it Fhujeth: and all the walking has been really bad Fhujeth: I get back from going out and the pain is so intense Chocho: Yeah... =( Hmm.. Can you get a hold of heat or massage packs that might help? Fhujeth: I have.... some menthol strips I been sticking on they help a bit Chocho: Mm! At least you have something! ;o; Fhujeth: yeah :D Fhujeth: and ibuprofen Chocho: Ibuprofen is amazing

Chocho: Yeah, came back from the doctor and Zenryoku Batankyu had finally arrived. =D Fhujeth: Ramen is not really healthy and the high sodium must ause inflamation and I am in insane pain today from it!! AHHH Congrats!!!! I should pick up those CDs Fhujeth: so are you ok :3 like from the doctor? Chocho: Ahhh okay. XD;;; Yeah, that's not good... I hope you feel better!

Chocho: *PRIVATE STUFF ABOUT MY FATHER* Fhujeth: Woow!! Chocho: *PRIVATE STUFF ABOUT MY FATHER* Fhujeth: That is already more support than I have gotten @-@ That is so cool! Fhujeth: ahh i feel crappppy Chocho: *PRIVATE STUFF ABOUT MY FATHER* I miss my Dad. =( Ahhh, still bad? ;m; Is there anything you can take? Fhujeth: ahh I am sorry you miss him ;.; Fhujeth: Yeah, weed, but I am waiting on my damn mom to finish with the laundryyyyyy Chocho: I haven't gotten to see him in a few years now, darn lack of money. Ohhh, would weed help then? Fhujeth: it helps me with pain, most. XD; It makes me forget I am in it.

Just to be completely clear, that chatlog has obvious edits to protect the privacy of Chocho and her father.

Fhujeth: Totty: See? I'm a lot cuter, and I have like, a better personality, and my eyebrows are well shaped and maintained. :3 Chocho: Ichimatsu: *holds up another drawing similar to the first except it has "shaped eyebrows" drawn on* Fhujeth: Totty: o_o *pulls out phone and checks self* No, wait, that could be deceiving me *runs to body length mirror in closet* *looks ok* ??? Fhujeth: (ugh my joints hurt) Chocho: Is it all the pain? =( Fhujeth: i dunno they just hurt all the sundde l.l Fhujeth: sudden^ Chocho: Hmm.... have you been tensing because of the rash? Fhujeth: not sure o.o Fhujeth: I'm sooo tired tho Chocho: I really hope the doctor can help on Monday. =(

Chocho: The idol otaku I mean Fhujeth: I am looking for those online @-@ They were lottery prizes too Fhujeth: it looks like there was when I was looking a big set and a small set, only the big set has choro and kara with the jackets and all Chocho: Yeah, I wanted the big set! Fhujeth: they look cute! if i seem weird today it's because I am in intense pain !! Chocho: Okay, I hope you feel better. =(

Fhujeth: like the one in the tv Fhujeth: ? Chocho: I imagine so! Fhujeth: it hurts to moveee ffff Chocho: Like the one on South Park Fhujeth: I might lay down with the tens unit -- yeah! Chocho: Okay! I hope you feel better!! Chocho: Thanks for listening to a part of my teens. XD Fhujeth: Not right now! I need to draw... but it just so distracting. No problem same for me! Fhujeth: You said someone you know how a disc issue right? Chocho: Oh, yeah, my Dad has I think Fhujeth: ok ^^ Chocho: Why do you ask? Fhujeth: if you know how it is like at all :o Chocho: Well, I don't have it personally.. =o Fhujeth: Mine is pretty painful at times! Like, "this hurts a lot I might puke" painful

Chocho: I love all the spinning they put into these intros, hahaha Chocho: Skillz Chocho: ZARD... ;m; Fhujeth: i miss the mid 00 Fhujeth: s Chocho: 8th opening with the dancing. XD Chocho: I don't miss the 00s at all Chocho: It was more of a time of suffering for me than I even realised Fhujeth: For me i grew a lot. if I reply slow right now it is because i wanna finish this art and go lay downb ecause pain

Chocho: I wouldn't want to send out my rare badge and get nothing Fhujeth: True! Fhujeth: ahh i slept really bad on my back Fhujeth: i am in so much pain i can't focus that is why i am on so late Chocho: Did you take some painkillers? =(

Fhujeth: Thanks! Chocho: No probs! Fhujeth: "wh-why is everything distorted" Fhujeth: Heh I wish I didn't have caffiene addiction so I didn't have to drink cofffee this morning! Chocho: How come? Fhujeth: It's a stimulant so it's going to make my anxiety worse too.. Though the inital effects the the pot should be out of my system by now I am confused @_@ Oh well. I wish it would stop. I'll shut up about it XD Chocho: I hope it passes for you, really! Fhujeth: I hope it passes too because it's more painful to be sitting on the computer and being awake and trying to be alive than it is laying in bed pretending I don't exist! I'm fighting so hard to go back to bed and not exist!

Chocho: Karamatsu's enjoying it at least Chocho: Vados wasn't even in the 3 episodes we watched, only the intros for a second or so Fhujeth: Sorry for not talking lots I have weird muscle pain going down my arms -.x Chocho: S'all right! Fhujeth: i've felt shitty I hope nothing is seriously wrong lmao Chocho: It's probably one huge body shock combination or jet lag and coming back from Japan and infection and tiredness Fhujeth: yeah ;.; Chocho: Probably sister and mother induced stress to put the cherry on top

Fhujeth: invisible trauma from being fickin Chocho: that's not a work book Fhujeth: nyaachan fanbook Fhujeth: omg i just sorta fixed my back but I hear if I move my disc will slip back in place Chocho: oh? Fhujeth: Yeah I used a TENS to stop all the pain and decompressed my back and it doesn't hurt right now but I am scared to move Chocho: that's no good Fhujeth: no and i guess i don't qualify for obama care or something so I do not get insurance Fhujeth: ahh well

Fhujeth: No. It stinks bad too. Chocho: as do cat farts Fhujeth: Yes. XD Fhujeth: I cannot stay up at all @_@ Chocho: too tired? Fhujeth: pain Fhujeth: and that time of month Chocho: i seeee Fhujeth: but my back being like a squished sandwich cookie is kinda gross Chocho: yeah... Chocho: i hope you feel better Chocho: wanna talk totty? Chocho: would that help at all? Chocho: cos Chocho: i mean Chocho: it's totty

Fhujeth: I accidentally hit end task when fixing something else - I have a lot to do but I am getting it done I am just freaking out some because my mom is making me do the back porch and I am only a third done, I'm in intense pain and I wanna get Jussy this commission by tonight!

Fhujeth: Are you feeling okay? Chocho: why do you ask? Fhujeth: Because you're my friend and I am concerned about your well being? Chocho: oh i meant if you thought i was acting weird or something Chocho: i have a headache and i'm peeved but otherwise ok thanks Chocho: you? Fhujeth: My back wont get better and the pain is intense no matter what I do and I'm running out of pot and the guy who was supplying me left the country I think Chocho: i remember you mentioning about the pot guy... Fhujeth: So I might be weird a few days after I 100% run out. x.x Chocho: ok! Fhujeth: But I need to figure out more pain managment ideas because it's pretty much at the point where I am unable to do very much. It's excrutiating to bend down to feed the cats and I haven't done hardly any housework in the past few weeks that required hevy lifting and when i was powerwashing the other day the pain was insane. Fhujeth: but yeah! That's how I've been! Fhujeth: Otherwise I've bene okay emotionally! Chocho: there has to be other ways Chocho: my friend goes to massage therapy and accupuncture for his pain Fhujeth: I have something that is like accupuncture! The problem is I don't have health insurance, otherwise I'd be all over physical therapy x.x Chocho: you're gonna be saving a buck by not buying weed Fhujeth: I think a session for physical therapy will cost me half a month's supply of weed Chocho: just go every 2 weeks Fhujeth: When I went they wanted me to go 2 or three times a week (I forget how many times but it was like 15 sessions) for some very specific things (sessions were 45 minutes and were workout, massage, stretch, and decompression, and TENS). I'll see if there is anything the state! I think right now my best option will have to be the way most americans manage pain... XD our ridiculously heavy duty pain killers that kill us slowly and surely.

[This log was nearing the end of us talking. She literally asked me how I was JUST to talk about how much pain SHE was in, then say she's not willing to pay for care.]

Chocho: but he gets bad bad pain Fhujeth: Ah! Ok! I have back pain! I wish had healthcare! I'll look into things more. I was thinking of getting one of those inversion tables! Chocho: heat pad might help too Fhujeth: I use heat, ice, and a mini-tens unit! (also those are great for cramp pain!) Fhujeth: Oh I remember what helped too is that stinky rub Chocho: i think if it's that bad, your pain, you should try these things out, if only a couple of times... like the massage treatment Chocho: it may well super help Fhujeth: I did twice! Fhujeth: err, I did physical therapy twice Chocho: ah well there you go Fhujeth: like 40 sessions! It helped but I went a lot. Chocho: i don't really have any other ideas Fhujeth: It's ok! Chocho: dried cranberries Fhujeth: What do those do :O Chocho: some kind of pain relief, i'm not sure

Fhujeth: I am in. So. much. Pain right now. I'm wanted to stay at the computer and still play sm but I think I'm gonna have to lay down and try to work on my back at the same time. What else do I need to do for Choromatsu and the meds :3

Fhujeth: i am so much pain i can't hardly walk Chocho: maybe you should rest.... Fhujeth: I'm gonna when the game comes try to lay on the floor with my legs up and try to get my spine to at least not hurt... gonna try to get some other work sorted first Chocho: ok! Fhujeth: Sorry for whining I'm kinda scared it's never been this bad and it wont stop Chocho: it's all right Chocho: i hjust hope you can get some relief Fhujeth: I have some vicadin it just recently expired i think...

Chocho: i looked up slipped disc treatment Chocho: "It can take about one to three months to recover from a slipped disc. Treatment usually involves a combination of physiotherapy, such as massage and exercise, and medication to relieve the pain. Surgery to release the compressed nerve and remove part of the disc may be considered in severe cases, or if the pain doesn't settle down over time. In many cases, a slipped disc will eventually shrink back away from the nerve and the pain will ease as the disc stops pressing on the affected nerve. Sometimes the slipped disc will stay pressing on the nerve, but the pain goes away because the brain learns to "turn down the volume" on the pain messages coming from the nerve. " Fhujeth: Yeah ;.; Chocho: i still recommend massages Chocho: once every 2 weeks Chocho: if you're in that much pain, surely it's worth a try? Fhujeth: I have a thing I am going to start to use for massages and start with it... I think mine isn't a slipped disc though it's the next step above that (unless it's the same name) Fhujeth: But massage would def help Fhujeth: I wonder if there is a place here that can do it not as a "spa" Chocho: it would be worth looking into if you're going to not be spending that $ on weed... use it on something else to help the pain Chocho: i would Fhujeth: Yeah I know! Trust me, I know. ;.; I tried doing some other stuff like laying the way you're supposed to but it felt like uhh how to word it..... Fhujeth: I was more sore when I got up

What stood out to me in this one was just how willing Chocho still was to help Fhujeth out with her pain despite everything that Fhujeth had put her through up until now. But it’s being mentioned so much it’s difficult to know how bad the pain really is.

Chocho: good Fhujeth: Ugh I am trying to massage the area and the pain got like 50 times worse Fhujeth: I think Chocho: i think it may well be a case of worse before better Fhujeth: it might wear off Chocho: cos you're shocking the system Fhujeth: Yeah. shocking the system? Chocho: yeah, as in it's not what your back is expecting Chocho: kind of like ice stings before it numbs Fhujeth: I hope! I feel kinda tense now x.x;

[These all lead up to the "day" where I was finally done with the topic always being about how much pain Fhujeth was in and me not being all too sure how much of it was true and how much was attention seeking... turns out the time I was finally done was the worst time to be done.]

[The pain stuff, whether is was a headache, a migraine, rashes, aches after working in the garden, her back or anything else... basically started, at the latest, around April when she was in Japan (condering that we first started talking at the very end of February that year). From that point, talk about pain came up all the time, it was draining and the pain just "escalated" all the time. And it continued right up to when I said I wanted out (Which was the end of November the same year).]

The logs here are just from the utox app and Chocho says these are not all the mentions of pain from Fhujeth.

This is where we got onto talking about the ignored artwork...

[I actually shared the artwork first, then commented about the Tabimatsu event. Her back didn't "escalate" until I mentioned "let's ignore it" about the art (which to be honest, she ignored my art a fair few times before then) which I had been actually drawing out some of our roleplay we had been doing, which I had been doing to try and distract her from the apparent pain. By this point, she had been complaining about "bad pain" so much (crying wolf, basically) that I... have to say, I no longer believed the severity. Here's the chatlog. With that in mind, you can see I'm tired of this same situation over and over, it just happened to be the worst time to make a comment. Either that or she escalated it BECAUSE I made a comment? I don't know, I can't be sure, I was only on the other side of the screen. After a while she went silent, so when I decided to go watch TV with my boyfriend, I left the note saying I was. It was blunt because I was annoyed, which I assume came across as heartless to people she showed. Sadly, timestamps weren't kept, so that context is lost.

Apparently the people who she showed at least partial logs to, she didn't mention that I was drawing the pictures to entertain her and help distract her, nor that I asked if she took pain meds and if they would help. Basically the only part she kept of mine was "thanks for ignoring my pic", I was told. So THIS is the "edited chatlogs" I mentioned. Editing means conveniently dropping details from the conversation too, being that because you've only shown snippits or because you've dropped lines entirely...]

Chocho: *PIC WAS HERE* Chocho: i never managed to get school uniform choromatsu from the event before it ends Chocho: there's no way i can get enough coins for another spin before the event goes, which sucks Fhujeth: I'm sorry >< Chocho: it's okay i guess what can i do? let's ignore it [<- note, this was me hinting about the ignored artwork] Fhujeth: uhhhhh my back is Fhujeth: very bad Fhujeth: atm Fhujeth: i am home alone Chocho: thanks for ignoring my pic can you get any painkillers or do ones like ibuprofen or paracetamol not work? Fhujeth: this is emergency Chocho: or do you have any of that one that worked the other day? Fhujeth: your pic is good I like it Fhujeth: sorry I am panicing Chocho: mmhmm [<- note, this is a response to “your pic is good I like it”, not that she is panicking] Fhujeth i can't move Chocho: have you got any of the one you used the other day Fhujeth: i can't move Chocho: the one that let you sleep well Fhujeth: like my back is that much pain i can't move Fhujeth: i am like leaning ovef in my chait Fhujeth: your picture, I like it! I am really sorry I can't focus right now. I don't mean to ignore it I'm freaking out and in a lot of pain and I can't do anything Chocho: i don't have any advice left Fhujeth: there is no advice Fhujeth: i am stuck here and scared Fhujeth: and hurting Fhujeth: till my mom gets back Fhujeth: i'ma try to fb her Fhujeth: she coming home Fhujeth: im trying t figur out how to get to the floor Chocho: im going to go watch tv

This is the conversation that happened a day before the chatlog that Fhujeth gave me as evidence that Chocho didn’t care about her pain while only being interested in the fact that Fhujeth ignored an artwork. After all of the previous “I am in pain!” claims how was Chocho supposed to know that THIS one was a dire emergency? Anyone who is told about someone else’s pain that many times is going to be desensitized to it and it becomes very difficult to tell what is bad and what is REALLY bad. Because Chocho wasn’t convinced that it was apparently an emergency, Fhujeth accuses Chocho of abuse.

Fhujeth claimed that the question about painkillers was insulting:

I might've forgotten when I worded the story but I rectified that. That was something that to me was more an insult than a concern because if I am in pain OF COURSE I am going to take pain meds.

Chocho gave me these...

Fhujeth: it's just she wants me to clean always at the worst time so I try to get it done in the am Chocho: That's a good idea.. u_u Fhujeth: There, now if I have to do anything it'll be powerwash Fhujeth: which I might do in a few minutes Fhujeth: because also if this pain gets worse I'll be unable to clean at all! Chocho: Hmm.. =( Have you been taking painkillers or..? Fhujeth: I will in a bit if it gets worse it's ok right now :3 Fhujeth: roombas are great (robot vaccuums) ahh Chocho: Okay! ;w; Just don't suffer too much, all right? <3 Hahaha, I bet! XD Fhujeth: oh I wont :3

Fhujeth: ahh my head hurts Chocho: How come? D= Fhujeth: not sure o_o Chocho: Headache? Fhujeth: Yeah ;.; Chocho: Can you take painkillers? D= Fhujeth: Yeah I may... brb gonna do the dishes Chocho: OK

Fhujeth: whch pattern Fhujeth: For kara? Chocho: Yeah! => Chocho: See if it's possible to shrink down Chocho: I doubt it cos it has small parts. XD Chocho: It might not even be worth trying... Fhujeth: I have a badddd migraine Chocho: Did you take painkillers? =< Fhujeth: Yeah not working x.x Chocho: Did you take paracetamol AND ibuprofen together?

Fhujeth: it's ok! also happy birthday again Chocho: Thank-you! ;w; Fhujeth: x3 no problem, I wish my head didn't hurt so bad. Chocho: Did you take ibuprofen AND paracetamol? =< You didn't answer Fhujeth: what is paracetamol? Chocho: It's a painkiller.. =o Chocho: One of the most common... Chocho: You can take it with ibuprofen as long as the ibuprofen you took doesn't have it in it. => Chocho: And it acts like a double whammy because it attacks pain in a different way Fhujeth: Ahhh, no I don't have that Chocho: Might be worth checking your painkillers to make sure they don't have it in already, then getting some if they don't! =o Fhujeth: it's hard to get that stuff here. Chocho: Is Japan really stingy with painkillers or something> Chocho: *? Fhujeth: well you can only get them in a pharmacy Chocho: Cos paracetamol is... the standard painkiller Fhujeth: I will sleep soon Chocho: Okay! ;w; Sounds like a good idea since you're in so much pain! Fhujeth: Yeah... I wanted to finish the bag but I will when I wake up. Chocho: Good idea.. =< Chocho: Don't suffer, you know? Fhujeth: Yeah x.x I am suffering at this point Chocho: You should try to rest! =< Chocho: Especially with a migraine Fhujeth: Yeah, I will sleep now!!!! Goodnight :3

Fhujeth: Back.. are you feeling betteR? Chocho: Yeah, you? Fhujeth: Nope x.x Chocho: Still in pain? Fhujeth: Yeah. ;.; Chocho: Did you take any painkillers? =) Chocho: *=( Chocho: Heh, shouldn't be smiling at that Fhujeth: it's ok XD You seemed pretty pissed at me when I left so... about to! Chocho: I was pissed at the world Fhujeth: I am used to people taking their frustrations out on me XD;; So I sorta knew you were upset about many things but I felt like I was in firing range. Did you wanna post that thing? Chocho: Ohhh no, I might have ranted about things to you but I don't go about ATTACKING my friends

[Any time she was in pain, I suggested/asked about painkillers and usually she hadn't even bothered to take them... so... painkillers were the first thing I always asked about every time.]

So hang on... every other time painkillers were brought up it was Chocho being helpful and it was appreciated... but this one time where ignored artwork also happened to be involved is was hugely insulting? I don’t get it.

And something else I’d like to mention. I’ve never seen Fhujeth mention pain before. There are endless instances of it in the logs from Chocho, but past Chocho saying goodbye to Fhujeth...?? Maybe it’s only ever in private conversations... but just a thought.

Part of Fhujeth’s conversation with me:

Ah, to add, yeah. So that event happened, I didn't log into the chat we used (utox) the next day so that night they IMd me talking just about 'Oh I guess Totty has big balls now" or something cause the yokai set came out... :S and I was like, "Wait are you for real you're not gonna ask how I am after that?"

Chocho gave more logs:

11/22/2016 chochomatsu just gotta say choromatsu is very amused that todomatsu is a tanuki and what that implies totally-totty Yeah. chochomatsu i'll leave you be

totally-totty And. The "icing on the cake" was instead of you sending me something saying, "are you ok? i know you were in a lot of pain yesterday." You had to tell me about Tanuki Balls. I think you're a great person and I like to RP and interact and chat with you but I think you think I don't care about you. chochomatsu tanuki balls? totally-totty Isn't that what your first message to me implied? chochomatsu not really besides the fact that that was trying to start conversation i wasn't even thinking about tanuki balls totally-totty What were you implying in your first message? chochomatsu tanuki's are portrayed/commonly seen as fat that's all are they supposed to have big balls too? totally-totty Yeah.

[The continuation of the "chatlog evidence" that Fhujeth cropped out, revealing that I wasn't actually talking about tanuki balls at all, but actually that tanukis are portrayed as fat, something she kept pushing on Choromatsu (and earlier, when I was working on Domatsu, Karamatsu) that is now Todomatsu instead. Even though I flat out explained myself there and then, I guess she thought that messaging her about tanuki balls was more offensive and better to use as "evidence", so she cropped the rest out.... also, one of the lines in her chatlog is out of order. Here's the true order;]

FHU'S 'EVIDENCE' ORDER;

chochomatsu i don't want to talk about this any more we are getting nowhere i don't think i am wrong for having emotions or feelings, but i obviously am, so i'm sorry i will leave it at that

totally-totty I understand where you're coming from, we are both at fault here or it was a misunderstanding. It was a bad situation where we both felt ignored by the timing of events and you expected me to do something that I didn't do.

chochomatsu here's what you want: i was completely 100% wrong, bad, nasty, horrible and i am sorry

totally-totty I think we're both at fault.

TRUE ORDER;

chochomatsu i don't want to talk about this any more we are getting nowhere i don't think i am wrong for having emotions or feelings, but i obviously am, so i'm sorry i will leave it at that here's what you want: i was completely 100% wrong, bad, nasty, horrible and i am sorry

totally-totty I understand where you're coming from, we are both at fault here or it was a misunderstanding. It was a bad situation where we both felt ignored by the timing of events and you expected me to do something that I didn't do.

totally-totty I think we're both at fault.

So... edited chatlogs? It’s a minor edit but it significantly changes the flow of the conversation in Fhujeth’s favor when read in the order Fhujeth showed it.

Additionally...

Fhujeth: I am back now! I have to try to clean my side of the house that is what I was doing the other day when we were talking when pain got me ;.; now it's all messy again and I am terrified so if I say that I am in very bad pain again it's probably the same as yesterday! I'll try not to "cry wolf" with pain that is tolerable from now on to help clear things up! Fhujeth: the day before^ Chocho: take it easy, ok?

[Fhujeth even admitted she had been crying wolf about her back pain before the fight after the event.]

[I found out later from others that Fhujeth chased all my potential friends away by spreading tiny nasty rumours about me to people who were other ask blogs in the fandom, in an attempt to keep them away from me. Telling them things like I was SO controlling and had a huge ego/bad attitude. I had no idea this was going on, but apparently she started super early into our friendship (the domatsu days, before chocho existed).]

[I found, after I had broken away from Fhujeth that I realised that she had really... muddied my mind. The way she was so quick to aggression or even a full out argument (which I really did not want) made me just nod along and agree with her nasty comments and tactics in order to defend myself from potential fallout and I felt disgusting about that after I broke away and my mind was cleared. I rarely stood up for my beliefs and morals whilst talking to her. I mean, sometimes I did? But usually I didn't. I dunno if maybe the people who talk to her now are doing that very same thing now themselves. She just had this toxic atmosphere that infects you. After I walked away I found that my mood was instantly more positive, even though she was trying her very best to destroy me publicly and privately. The absolute hell she put me and my name through after I left was actually less stressful than the frustration and pressure I had to deal with daily whilst we were talking, especially near the end.]

[Fhujeth would fight about /anything/. I'm pretty sure she enjoyed arguments (which I really, really do not) and liked to spur drama. So I would try and avoid that at all costs, not calling them out on their poor behaviour or bad morals because I didn't want to argue about things, ever. And the fights took forever, they lasted sometimes hours I think because you just can't be right against her. Even when the argument was as stupid as "what the right way to play DDR is". I could never win because she would never reconsider her opinion/point/stance. Basically the only way out of the argument was bowing down and saying "you're right, I'm wrong, you win". But of course, the response to that is always negative (and insulted) because she wants the argument to continue I suppose. And of course, if you're angry, the way you pitch "LET'S END THIS" is always going to be angry. I'm actually quite hard to anger and yet she managed repeatedly. Possibly more times in a single year than anybody on their own has managed to do (besides maybe my brother if we count my entire life). I can't believe just how many times I say I'm frustrated or angry or peeved or upset in these chatlogs looking back... it doesn't sound like me... <=/;;; Cos I'm not usually angry or peeved or upset... tired maybe... XD;;]

Fhujeth claimed to me that she was the one that tried to get away from Chocho.

That she sent me after I had chosen to stop signing in to get away from her.

Chocho gave me a small chatlog with her point of view...

Fhujeth: You having a good day today? Chocho: Yeaaah, enough. You? Fhujeth: Eh, was ok, Jussy did something minor but irritating to me Chocho: Really? =S What did she do? Fhujeth: she messaged me on two seperate accounts of mine within 5 minutes of each other saying Hi on one and "boop" on the other at 5am XD Chocho: Ugghhh... you might wanna tell her that it was 5am and you didn't appreciate it... Chocho: She probably doesn't think time zones Fhujeth: it was more so the... probably... 5 minutes within each other. I can get after a few hrs or osmething if it is important but just to say hi...... within 5 minutes is.... strange Fhujeth: Cus I know I messaged you twice the same day on different accounts but it was after a fight.... and it was over the span of a day. :S Fhujeth: But this was like 3 minutes or less even.. and not even to say anything.... important...

[By the last month of talking to Fhujeth, I have to be honest, I wanted out. But I could tell that if I told her "that's enough, I'm leaving" that she would... well, do exactly what she did. There were a couple of times after fights where I'd say something like "Is this the end?", hoping they'd say "Yeah, let's part ways" so that I wouldn't have to make the run for it and the parting would hopefully be mutual and peaceful, but every time, they wanted the friendship to continue. (As an interesting point, now I'm looking back at these chatlogs, basically every fight/argument had a "So what do you want to do then? We always fight anymore, should we still be friends??" from her in it. This was from quite early on though, so it looks like a threat, rather than a resoution.) The fallout I could sense scared me into not leaving, but I was completely done/spent emotionally otherwise. If I had just not signed into Tox ever again, I would be leaving behind all my friends on there and she would just come find me on tumblr anyway as always... but after "the back event", I found out about all of the horrible stuff she had been doing in regards to me even from months back, the whole talking about me behind my back and villainising me to others. So I decided that was it, wrote her a message about giving the "closure" that she wanted, that she had told me at the start of the friendship (if I wanted to leave I had to give closure, not just disappear). I didn't block Fhujeth so she could have her say and I got nothing but abuse back which I didn't respond to until she blocked me. I have not said a thing to her since. She even sent some horrible, abusive e-mails in the coming months after, knowing I'd see them. Also, it's probably worth mentioning that she sent my boyfriend of many years a direct malicious e-mail, trying to turn him against me.

She says that she was trying to get away from me for ages, but it was the other way around. I was terrified to leave, I even said so to one of my friends, because I could just tell from the atmosphere that if I left, no matter how I did it, she would follow me or try to destroy me. Which is exactly what she did.]

This is a chatlog of Chocho talking to one of her other friends (name censored for protection):

chochomatsu <name>, I'm scared... if I try to cut ties is she going to try and destroy me? It's pretty much the biggest reason why I've let myself be pushed around by her for so long.... this has been going on for months... chochomatsu I can't do it any more... chochomatsu If she's willing to ruin my reputation over a tiny scuffle/misunderstanding... because that's basically what that was a few days ago. Hurt feelings, not even a fight

And this... is the very last thing Chocho said to Fhujeth. The parting message:

11/26/2016 chochomatsu Hey. I can't do this any more.... I found out what you did regarding Monday/Tuesday. I'm not willing to put up with this any longer. It was fun while it lasted and I can't say I didn't have some good times with you, but enough is enough. This is the closure you asked for... thanks for being my friend.... I hope things go well for you from here on out. Goodbye! totally-totty You mean you hurt me so bad? It was fun when it lasted... What do you wanna do with what is owed? Just be even? totally-totty I think it hurt me that you did not get that you hurt me... And then guilt tripped me... Tried to put the blame on me. totally-totty So yeah. It was great while it lasted. Sans the times youd misunderstand me and I would put up with it. totally-totty But i am not all to blame here. If you cannot see what you did wrong. I feel so sad for you. I only retailiate when i have had enough. totally-totty What did you find out exactly? Just for reference. totally-totty That I told people you abused me tooons of times? That when I have had right to be paranoid and scared you told me not to hold it against you but when ai hurt you youve held it against me ever since. totally-totty Ill miss talking to you. But i wont miss the anxiety and stress of feeling like i was walking on eggshells to make sure i said things properly. totally-totty I wont miss you interpreting everything as either aggressive or ignored either. You have hurt me more than you actually know or probably grasp and all you cared was that I ignored your drawing. "If i was in pain id have done this" ya well im not you And id try to apologize but itd always go to a false ear. totally-totty So I leave you with this. I know it sucks to have epilepsy and other physical ailments but please... You have NHS. For your future... Please seek some psychiatric help. You are lucky enough that you get access to it. Utilize it. Also learn how to take a critique.

...wow. After everything I now know this is just... incredible. Fhujeth is insinuating that everything is Chocho’s fault here. That Chocho guilt tripped her(?), hurt her, misunderstood her... and that everything they ever spoke about in their friendship sparked anxiety and stress. And that final attack on Chocho’s physical illness is just flat out despicable. There is NO excuse for that. (Note: Chocho has given me full permission to include this information in this post)

Perhaps, given everything here, it is Fhujeth that needs to seek psychiatric help.

Past this point, Chocho claims to have not spoken to Fhujeth at all hoping that Fhujeth would eventually move on and not cause further drama over the broken friendship. Fhujeth didn’t do that (as I can back up). Emails were sent to Chocho from Fhujeth for months after the final goodbye...

"Have fun, I guess. You really hurt me. You have no idea how much you hurt me. You're a heartless person. I should've known when I first met you. I have no idea what your issue is..."

And...

“And I can NEVER forgive you for the shit you pulled on Jussy you desperate little fuck."

What... seriously?? Fhujeth was the one bugging Jussy for commissions and insulting her behind her back. If Fhujeth is referring to the two aliases thing... jesus fucking christ get over it! People have aliases, big deal! There is some SERIOUS spite here for reasons I can’t fathom. That Chocho managed to get away from her maybe? If you’ve read to this point you’ve seen the level of manipulation aimed at Chocho from Fhujeth.

And, quite importantly I think, it’s clear that Chocho was the one that wanted to get away, not the other way round. An abuser does not try to get away from their target, that’s what the abused does. The abuser is the one that takes chase once their target has got away.

Among other emails sent to Chocho from Fhujeth, there was also one apparently sent to Chocho’s boyfriend in an attempt to get him to turn against Chocho and reveal information to Fhujeth (this I couldn’t believe until I saw it, it’s a SERIOUSLY disgusting move). I wasn’t shown the entire email but I asked if I could see so Chocho asked her boyfriend to hand over some parts... (name changed to Chocho for privacy - real name was used)

Chocho did some really terrible things to me in the past and I can't say I haven't retaliated but even after I've tried to apologize she has kept it up. I just want peace. I have been trying to move on and it has been literally impossible, even with the blacklisting software and blocking.

I'm not here to criticize her or get mad at her, I just want to ask if you can check on her and what she is doing with ask blogging. I know she has stolen an idea from me now, and this I have records of. I think she is running multiple blogs under different aliases too. If anything I am actually more so worried for her mental health than anything else.

It's not my place to start anything. I just want you to look at what she is doing. Please, I urge you to keep this between you and me. I wouldn't be contacting a complete stranger if I wasn't getting desperate.

I think at this point she is running around four different tumblr "identities" and trying to play them off as if they are entirely different people despite it is very clearly in her art style that it is her.

Yes, really. Fhujeth actively tried to get Chocho’s boyfriend to reveal information to her behind Chocho’s back because she was paranoid about what Chocho was “doing with ask blogging”. Now I can’t speak for anyone else but I find this utterly despicable. Not to mention the continued attacks on Chocho’s state of mental wellbeing.

Extras...

[I had so, so many fights with Fhujeth because she'd take something the wrong way or she'd be rude/disgusting or she'd pick a fight.... and every fight lasted FOREVER and I was SO DONE with fighting. My 2 best internet friends for up to 10 years? I have probably had 1 argument with each in those years. And it didn't last and cleared up quick. My best friend in person that I have known since I was about 8 years old? I have had 1 fight with them EVER and it was because of another person. My other best in person friend I have never had a fight with ever. I had another best online friend who I had known since we were 12, she slowly drifted away over time due to changing interests and I think we lost touch when we were about 24 or older by the time that happened... we had 1 fight in the history of us being friends and that was when we were what... 15? Prime time for teenage friend arguments. In general I think it's natural to have at least ONE fight with your best friends that you know for years. But the sheer amount of fighting Fhujeth started between us in less than a year was just incredible...]

While looking for the chatlogs shown in this post, Chocho found a lot of these fights with Fhujeth... but because the post is already very long I have put these in a separate draft here:

https://totty-chan.tumblr.com/private/172180653683/tumblr_p62b4pvIRS1w7dwde

There are also other subjects of interest in this post although they weren’t strictly related to Fhujeth’s claims of abuse from Chocho that she discussed with me. There are also some logs and comments that extend upon the subjects covered in this post, but again, this post has grown into a monster already

tfl;dr

I (Sammy) have had my fair share of bad experiences with Fhujeth over the past year. I have known about the drama between her and Chocho but not any of the details until now. I approached Fhujeth about it asking for proof because I didn’t like the fact she was STILL going around accusing Chocho of being her “abuser” and I didn’t know why. After listening to Fhujeth’s argument and considering her evidence, I went to Chocho to ask her for her side. Up until now Chocho has been very unwilling to talk about anything to do with Fhujeth because it was a very hurtful topic for her. But when I told Chocho that Fhujeth is still claiming that she is the abused, Chocho decided to break silence and... well.. tell me everything. If you’ve read the post, I’d like you to make you own decision on all of this, BUT, in my opinion Chocho is the one that was abused. And in a big way, for a very long time. Manipulation, gaslighting, fear, uncertainty... you name it, Fhujeth tried it. And when Chocho finally decided enough was enough, Fhujeth took chase and terrorized Chocho privately and publicly for months after the friendship was broken up.

tl;dr of the tfl;dr

Fhujeth’s a manipulative, despicable piece of shit who thought she could frame Chocho for her own disgusting behavior.

Considering my personal experiences with Fhujeth and those that I have discussed with others in the past, this article expert-reviewed by a licensed professional counselor describes this situation to near-perfection. I am of the opinion that Fhujeth is living with Antisocial Personality Disorder, or ASPD.

https://www.wikihow.com/Spot-a-Sociopath

Please read if you can and consider your relationship with Fhujeth and if any of this is relevant to you.

Take care of yourselves.

Chocho, I really hope Fhujeth finally leaves you alone. After seeing the proof you have given me I now believe you have been framed for abuse you didn’t commit and I can honestly say you don’t deserve any of the hell you have been dealt for the last year and a half...

[jslaird-blog-blog]

Welcome Back to Bad Ghosts

If it wasn’t for Google sending me a “Happy Birthday to this account you never use!” and my therapist telling me that I should start a blog, I think this page would have been long forgotten. I dusted off my password, and ta-da, here I am. If you’re looking for something deep and meaningful, I’m not sure what I have to offer, but if an unfiltered view of my world is entertaining, read ahead. There really isn’t a start or stopping point, and I’m not OCD enough to put this in any kind of sequential order, so please excuse the mess...

In December of 2010, I deployed to Balad Air Base in Iraq with 8 other younger troops from the base I was stationed at in Texas. That’s me chilling with a buddy of mine during one of the stretches of time when mortar rounds weren’t being randomly lobbed at our base. All things considered, it shouldn’t have been a ‘bad’ deployment. Major operations were drawing down, troops levels were too, and our base had fast food, a movie theater, and a pool. There is a trade-off when you’re in a war zone with no war to fight though. When people aren’t actively engaged in combat operations in a deployed location, they start to get bored, do stupid shit, or get stuck too deep inside their own heads. I wasn’t above it either. Back home, I had a marriage that wasn’t going well and our 16 month-old son had just been diagnosed with autism. Dealing with that kind of bullshit would be hard enough all by itself, but dealing with it from the other side of the globe was even more so. In short, my nerves were fried most days. But I put on my game face every day and did what needed to be done for the sake of the larger mission, because that’s what you’re expected to do. It’s what the military expects, right, wrong, or indifferent. One of the younger guys on my team wasn’t able to maintain focus though.

About a month or so into the deployment, probably 8pm or so in the evening, the Flight Superintendent started beating on the door to the little plywood trailer that I was calling home. He told me I had 30 minutes to throw on my uniform, pack a go-bag for 48 hours, and meet him in front of the base hospital. He left and I figured he’d fill me on the details when I met back up with him, so I got dressed, threw some extra uniforms in a backpack and hauled ass over to the hospital. The Sup’ was already waiting for me in the hospital parking lot when I got there and as we walked into the building, he let me know in a lowered voice that a guy from my team had intentionally lit his fucking face on fire. When we walked in to the ward, the guy was sitting on the side of a hospital bed with a shiny red face where the med techs had wiped burn salve over his nose, cheeks and forehead. The burns were superficial, but between my unit leadership and the recommendation of the medical team, it had been decided that the guy needed a mental health evaluation outside the combat zone immediately, and I was chosen to escort him to the Landstuhl medical facility in Germany. 

We stayed put at the hospital until it was time to get bussed over to the flightline with a handful of other injured personnel that were being medevac’ed out of the country. Most were walking wounded, but there were a few on stretchers that I watched the Flight Medicine folks load on the C-17 Globemaster. Sometime around 2am, we were finally ‘wheels up’ and making our way to Germany. It was early February, so when we touched down at Ramstein Air Base it was maybe 30 degrees and snowing. I didn’t really need cold weather gear back in Iraq, but I was glad I thought to bring some with me. A “Blue Bird” school bus was waiting for us on on the tarmac and we loaded up for the short drive to the hospital. I wasn’t sure what I thought I would see on arrival, but as we pulled up to the entrance to hospital, there were dozens of medical personnel standing on either side of the bus, ready to move the most seriously wounded off the bus first. They moved quickly and efficiently, talking to their patients as they escorted them into the building. For the less severely injured and walking wounded, we were directed to different treatment clinics in the hospital for check-in, and any escorts were shuffled over to an old dormitory building where we could check into a temporary room, drop our bags, get a briefing on the do’s and don’ts, and then get back to the patients we were escorting. The whole process was so routine to these folks that the speed of it all kind of surprised me. They were good at what they did, and it showed.

After an hour or so, I was allowed to meet back up with the guy from my team. He’d gotten another exam of his facial burns and the docs decided that he decided he was still a risk to himself, so I was ordered not to let him out of my sight or leave him unattended unless he was being treated by the staff. The next 24 hours was a blur of dragging my guy from one appointment to the next, walking though the wintry German weather from one building to another, as the medics and mental health team decided what to do with him. As we did all this, everywhere I looked I saw dozens and dozens of injured military members in various stages of recovery and rehabilitation. Crutches, patched eyes, missing limbs, large bandages stanching wounds of indiscriminate size, shape, and origin. As weird as it sounds, a lot of the guys I bumped into were actually really upbeat about their injuries. Maybe they were just glad to be alive, but they were generally pretty positive. By the end of our second day, the docs had decided that my guy wasn’t in any kind of mental state to be in a combat zone, so they were going to house him in a separate holding facility until he could be flown back stateside. This was good news to me, because I (maybe selfishly) had felt like I was babysitting a grown adult who just pulled a stupid-ass stunt for a ticket home. Regardless of his medical and mental condition, he wasn’t my responsibility anymore and that left me with enough downtime to go back to main base Ramstein for some shopping and a proper meal before I hopped a flight back to Iraq the next day. It was still early in the afternoon when I got back though, so I thought I’d walk over to the USO and see what else they had to offer before I called it a night. They had hot coffee, cold soda, sandwiches, and every kind if snack food and toiletry item a transient troop could want. Hanging out there beat sitting in an empty dorm room, so I decided to kick back in a comfy chair and watch a movie or two before calling it a night. Every so often, I’d go top off my coffee and step outside for a cigarette, and I’d end up shooting the breeze with the other smokers. 

Most of us at the ‘smoke pit’ were medical escorts but we were next door to the main hospital, so we also had the occasional patient huddled with us underneath the roof of what was essentially a plexiglass bus stop. We smoked one cigarette after another in the gently falling snow, swapping stories about where we’d been, how we ended up in Germany, and where we were headed next. If there was a wounded guy in the pit with us, we’d ask him how he was doing and maybe catch a war story or two. I eventually went back inside, finished watching Big Trouble in Little China, and figured my cinematic experience had peaked so it was time to go to bed. I stopped by the smoke pit one last time and saw a kid who couldn’t have been older than 20, sitting in a wheelchair with both of his legs sticking straight out, casted up in plaster, draped with a hospital blanket, and supported by the chair. This was a little more severe than some of the other guys I’d seen out here, but he’d obviously made it outside on his own, so I thought I could offer a little friendly chat while we smoked. I started off simple, because in spite of the courteous nod we gave each other, the expression on the kid’s face didn’t look like he was in a mood to talk much.

“Where’d you come in from?” I asked.

“Afghanistan.”

“Damn, man. I was there in ‘06-’07. Guess it’s still hot over there...”

“Yeah.”

“You gonna be okay?” I asked, not really knowing what else to say at that point.

“I was the lucky one.” the kid said, tears welling up in his eyes. I was completely lost for words at this point, not sure if I should apologize or hear the kid out, or what. I was definitely going to leave the kid alone and try not to bother him any further, but he just kept talking.

“Propane tank IED took our our vehicle. I got blown out of the turret, but the door hydraulics were fucked and my Sergeant and my friend were stuck inside. They burned up and got hit when the ammo starting cooking off.”

I could see the cigarette tremble between his lips as he spoke and his eyes looked like they would overflow in a river of tears at any second, but the kid choked them all back. Not a single drop rolled down his cheek as we both sat in in the remaining silence. I finished my own cigarette and asked if he needed anything. He said “Nah” and stuffed his hands in his jacket pockets, pulling out a pair of gloves. I asked “You sure man? I can’t give you a lift someplace...?”

“I’m good.” he said as he put his gloves on and started wheeling himself back towards the side door of the main hospital building.

I cannot begin to explain to you what I felt as I walked away from the smoke pit and the kid, back to my own room that night. Seeing the pain in that kids’ eyes as he told his story ripped my fucking heart out and left it in the snow. I’d never met him before, and would never see him again. I didn’t even think to ask his name or offer some pitiful words of encouragement. His story just fucking floored me. Everything I had been dealing with in my own life up until that point just sounded pathetic and I was hit with a overwhelming emotional reaction I’d never known before. It was like someone filled the vastness of space with agony and anger, and it swallowed the kid whole as I watched in despair. 

As I sit here and type this, I don’t want you to think that I could fathom what this kid was feeling, or that my own sorrow for him was greater than what he was going through. My own life is relatively tame and despite some of the shitty things I’ve seen, I keep going. Really, the only reason I’m telling this story is because my therapist said it might be good to write my experiences down. I won’t lecture you on the horrors of war, or tell you how much I loathe the powers-that-be sending our youth off to get killed in some far-flung country for some cause that means next to nothing in the grand scheme of things. If there was a point to any of this writing, I suppose it would be for me to let you know that this is what I carry around with me. Behind every smile, behind every sarcastic quip, every silly post on social media, there’s the memory of this blown-up kid with broken legs, choking back tears in the snow. 

[hekate1308]

Forever

Here we are my friends, you and me and the last of my season 12 AU. Enjoy!

They have won.

They have finally won.

They’re sitting in the library, exhausted and awake all at once.

Dean’s the first one to speak.

“You know what? We’re missing something here”.

He pulls his knife out of his pocket.

“Dean?” Cas asks.

In a few quick strokes, he carves DW into the table.

He holds the knife out to Sam and grins.

It will quickly become  a tradition.

 Dean can’t sleep.

He still can’t believe it completely, but his lover is asleep next to him, holding him in his arms, the Men of Letters are locked away, hunters and monsters alike are safe.

He frees himself from Cas’ grip, smoothing his brow gently. He doesn’t want to wake him.

He just needs to breathe for a while.

He’s not surprised when he finds Crowley in the library.

He hands him a drink without comment.

“So” Dean says. “This is it”.

Crowley nods.

“Gotta say, I am thankful for your mother. Say what you want...” he trails off.

The demon looks at him.

“You didn’t have to do that” he finally says. “You didn’t have to jump in front of me.”

“Of course I did.”

“Don’t do it again” he suddenly hisses, his eyes turning red.

Dean is taken aback.

“Crowley – “

“I’m still a demon, and I am selfish enough to ask that. If she had – I couldn’t bear it, do you hear? I couldn’t bear it.”  

Dean understands.

“Alright. I promise never to throw myself in front of you when Mary tries to shoot you again.”

They both know how pointless that promise is.

After they have finished their drinks in silence, they get up and walk back to their rooms.

Crowley hesitates when they are standing in front of Dean’s and Cas’.

Then he draws him into a strong hug.

Dean reciprocates.

 It’s not the end, of course. Men of Letters or no Men of Letters, the hunters, the monsters, the humans who stumble across the supernatural still need leaders.

It’s only natural they should take the job.

Dean likes to think they are acting the way Bobby would have.

It’s kind of weird, if he’s being honest. They are so famous in the community now that the name alone is enough to settle disputes, smooth insults, actually make a difference.

It’s amazing in the crazy, deadly way his whole life has been.

They become what Bobby once was. And they slowly, carefully work their way into Europe.

They’re thinking about laying the groundwork for letting the public know as well.

 Water is constantly changing, but it always knows what it wants.

And she wants Mick Davies.

She knows what it will bring, how it will end. It makes no difference to her wishes.

 Mick avoids Mel in the days after their victors.

Dean understands.

It’s not easy, loving something that will always leave again only to return.

And unlike him, who dared dream about what might be when he was half-awake at dawn, Mick has no such hope.

Mel cannot become human. She is one with the water.

But what is better? Letting this chance pass him by or enjoying it as long as he can?

Mel’s not worried.

She tells him why one dreamy evening, dropping once again into their swimming pool to see them.

“What will be will be. What will save us will save us. Water is patient”.

“Mel...”

“Dean.”

She suddenly looks much older.

“I cannot always see the future. The picture... it fluctuates, it changes, it shifts.”

How can it not, the waves breaking at his feet?

“But... I know, Dean. I know. Our daughter will be the first wraith to enter British waters again. She will fill the void our people left behind so long ago.”

He swallows.

“You’ll have to leave him. Eventually.”

“Of course. Water always flows on. You can only keep it in one space for so long.”

 Claire knows which diners she can trust. Some have a certain... homely feel to them.

This is one of those.

She’s just ended another hunt with the help of a few of the local vamps, and she could really go for some pie.

Sue her, Dean’s right about that.

And then her waitress appears.

She recognizes her instantly.

Anyone who knows the Winchesters would.

Magdalene her tag says. So she’s not lost all sense of humour.

“Hello, Mary” she says.

The woman looks up.

She seems tired. Worn down.

“Who are you?”

“I...” she stops. Thinks of Cas. Of Dean. Of where things are going.

“I could have been something like your granddaughter. Now you are nothing to me.”

Mary disappears into the kitchen.

Another woman brings her the pie.

She doesn’t mention their meeting to anyone.

 He and Cas only continue to grow closer.

After years of hiding who he is, finally being comfortable and with the person he loves...

He can’t say what it means to him.

Luckily, he never has to. Cas understands him without any need for words.

And so, six months after they threw the Men of Letters out of their country once and for all, after they boarded the planes with tails between their legs, Dean buys a ring.

They can’t really officially get married, of course... even though... maybe... if he contacts their FBI friends...

He shakes his head.

First things first.  

It’s early in the morning. The whole gang, Aaron having arrived from Germany a week ago after finally getting rid of the Nazis with all the help they could provide, is in the kitchen. Cas is, as usual, grumpy, not yet completely awake.

He’s never looked more beautiful.

Dean sinks to his knees. Cas blinks a few times before he realizes what’s going on.

“Dean?”

“Cas. Will you marry me?”

Cas is silent for so long that his heart starts hammering heavily in his chest, but then Crowley calls out, “You know feathers if you don’t want I can...”

Cas draws him into a kiss and breathes “Yes” against his lips.

 They marry three months later.

It’s... a bit of a bigger event than they thought it would be.

Apparently everyone they have ever met, and everyone who’s ever heard from them wants to be there.

Thank god for magical mansions.

Mel officiates from her bath tub.

Crowley and Sam are their best men.

He knows that everything he has done in his life has been warranted if it only lead him to this as he slips the ring of Cas’ finger.

 A year after they marry, little Múth is born.

She looks like her mother, but has Mick’s eyes.

They have already talked things through.

Mick will raise her, Mel will watch over her. She’ll see plenty of her mother.

But Mick’s and Mel’s time is coming to an end.

They all know it.

“He will find someone else” she tells Dean, holding her daughter. “I know it. He will be happy. And we’ll always have the memories of what has been.”

On the day they call it quits, Dean goes to Mick’s room. It has been doubling as a nursery for nearly half a year now.

Even though there are tears in his eyes, he whispers “Thank you.”

 It’s Lizzie Hexam who gives Cas and Dean the greatest gift they’ll ever receive.

She has just given birth to her second child, so of course they visit.

George Jr. is running around, chanting about his sister.

No potential rugaru has ever held out long enough to father a second child or a daughter. This is going to be interesting.

She watches Dean gently bounce Deanna up and down.

“We always wanted two children.”

“And look at you” he says. “Just as God intended.”

“I doubt Father had anything to do with it, Dean” Cas says. “She’s a miracle.”

He grins.

“Hell yeah she is.”

“What I meant” Lizzie says, “is that I’d be happy to be your surrogate, now that we have our kids.”

“You want to be our...” He stops talking when he realizes what she meant.

He looks at Cas. Cas looks at him.

Dean swallows.                    

“You... you...”

“Take your time” she says gently.

“I just said it would be a possibility. If you want to.”

That night in the mansion, Cas asks gently, “Dean? Do you want to?”

He could pretend he doesn’t know what he’s speaking of.

Instead he looks at his husband and gives the only answer he can.

 Shortly after they learn that Lizzie is pregnant, Sam announces that he and Eileen are going to marry.

“Where do you plan on living?” Dean asks.

He wants to pretend he isn’t nervous, but he remembers Sam’s old dreams. A picket fence, suburbia. As far away from the supernatural as possible.

And Dean’s got an angel husband, a kid on the way and a demon anxious to be godparent even though he’d never admit it.

“Here, of course.”

It’s only when he realizes Sam is honestly confused that Dean learns how far his brother has come.

 Robbie is born on Dean’s birthday.

“Guess we have more to celebrate, now” he mumbles, holding him for the first time, Cas’ arms wrapped around them both. “Lizzie – “

“If you dare thank me, you can leave right now” she huffs. “You gave me much more than I can ever repay you for.”

George is going through his sixth year as an almost rugaru, still getting better at dealing with it every single day.

 Robbie is six years old. His sister Elisabeth just turned two.

Crowley is well aware of the passage of time. Múth is already showing signs of being able to control water.

The boys are over fifty, now.

He’s made his decision.

He’s sitting at the swimming pool.

“My King.”

“Mistress of the waves”.

“You’ll do it, then.”

Of course she knows.

“Yes.”

“I was expecting it. Even though of course it was just one of multiple possible outcomes.”

“Ah, Mel, what might have been is never a good thing to dwell on.”

“No, it isn’t” she agrees but they share a long look before she vanishes.

The next day, he catches Robbie as he’s escaping Dean because he hates taking baths.

“No, now, Squirrel Junior, that is no way to behave.”

“Uncle Crowley!”

He smiles.

“Thanks, man” Dean says, catching up to them. “I swear he’s getting faster every day.”

“I bet. Dean, can we talk later?”

“Of course” he says, frowning.

There’s nothing to be worried about.

“Hey, what is it?” he asks that evening in the library.

They seem to have all their important talks here.

Crowley looks at the C he carved into the table years ago. The day of their victory.

“You’re all getting rather old.”

Dean huffs.

“Please, you’ve got what? Three hundred years on your back? More?”

“That’s not my point.”

“What is it, then?”

Crowley bites his lip.

“Cure me.”

“What?”

“You heard me. Cure me. I want to be human.”

“You’ll grow old” Dean says. “You’ll grow old, and die.”

“What makes you think I want to live longer than any of you? That I want to stand over your graves?”

Dean is silent.

Then, he slowly says, “If you are sure.”

“I am.”

A week later, he’s human. It’s complicated and difficult and at first he feels like he’s suffocating, but it’s worth it.

 Mel has always taken care not to cry. The tears of water spirits, water born from water, hold too much power. It’s dangerous to cry.

The day she leaves Mick Davies, she cries.

It was love. She knew it was. She loves him the only way she knows how, and she knows she has to leave.

And yet she cries.

She doesn’t cry when Múth leaves. Her daughter is fulfilling her destiny.

But – but –

A day will come when she’ll cry once more.

And on that day, every nature spirit in America, monsters and hunters will join her in her mourning.

Everyone will know who they lost that day.

But that day is a long time off yet.

Many years later

The people call it Hunter’s holiday.

Castielle supposes it’s an easier name than it’s real title.

Holiday in remembrance of Dean, Sam, Castiel and Crowley Winchester.

September 13.

How well she knows their stories. She’s grown up with them, lived with them, dreamed about them.

And today, she’ll finally join the Guild.

The Hunter’s Guild has been an important association for over a hundred years now. She thinks her forefathers would be pleased.

Although, with her green eyes and brunette hair, she looks much more like Dean than Castiel in the old pictures.

Ironically, her twin brother, joining her and the Guild as well, is a spitting image of the angel who renounced his Grace.

Their little brother Sammy will probably grow as tall as his namesake though.

Not that he’d be the first one.

There have been countless Deans, Castiel, Sams, even Ferguses and Crowleys in their family.

As if the name Winchester weren’t enough to open any door, these days.

She looks around her room in the mansion.

Crazy? Magical? Unpredictable? The house is all of this and more. Hundreds of years later, and it’s still running on the magic Crowley pumped into it.

She couldn’t ask for a better home.

Mom and Dad are waiting in the marble entrance hall, smiling proudly.

“Cassie. Dean.”

Almost every Winchester who’s ever lived since their time has become a hunter – and every single president of the Guild since it’s been established has been a member of their family.

She’d lie if she said she’s not planning to fill that exact position one day.

She has since that terrible moment she believed she was dead, when she was five years old and fell into the lake.

Oh God, she can’t breathe, she’ll never see her younger brother, she’ll never play with Dean again, she’ll –

“Don’t be afraid, child.”

A pretty lady with green eyes and brunette hair is holding her in her arms.

“Do not be afraid, child” she tells her. “Long ago I made a vow that no member of your family would ever drown.”

She smiles.

“You look so much like your ancestor. All these dreams in your eyes. You will do well”.  

She brings her to the surface.

She knows now that this was Mel, the water wraith their stories talk about. The one who loved Mick Davies and bore him a daughter who saved the British waters.

“Hey!”

Dean hurries down the stairs.

“Sorry for being late, guys.”

She rolls her eyes.

“You’re always late”.

“Yeah, well... Hey, this thing is huge! Who says I didn’t lose myself?”

“No Winchester ever loses himself in the mansion” Mom tells him. “You know that. “

It’s true. They don’t know if it’s magic or just instinct. No one really knows how the mansion works. The only one who could have told them passed away centuries ago, human once more.

But that’s not important.

What’s important is that everyone is waiting for them at the library.

Now that they are finally twenty-one, are finally old enough.

Cassie’s best friend Charlie the ghoul joined the Guild two months ago. They’ve known each other since they were six years old and attending the (rather ironically named) Crowley Elementary.

She looks at Dean. Dean winks at her.

They enter the library followed by their parents.

It seems like everyone they know is here. Two more Winchesters are entering the Guild. It’s big news.

She tries to ignore the cameras. Every single TV station will show the highlights this evening, she’s well aware. Winchester news is everyone’s news since their ancestors went public – since they let people know what’s out there.

It took Europe some time to catch on, but these days, most countries are peaceful, accepting humans as well as monsters.

If those who took the first steps were alive today, they probably wouldn’t recognize the world.

Then on the other hand...

They haven’t made the knowledge public, but Cassie’s and Dean’s grandmother was psychic. She left them stories of visions of generations of Winchesters in Heaven, looking after their family.

Cassie hope they’re proud of them.

They advance towards the table.

The table.

There are so many of them now, the library is crowded.

But the table, the original table, is still reserved for family only, and the ones they come to call family.

Charlie carved her initials on the table.

Now it’s their turn.

Cassie and Dean take out their knives. No Winchester worth his money would ever leave their room without one.

Their slightly older cousins grin proudly at them.

And then it’s done.

Their initials are on the table, they are part of the Guild. Now and forever.

Right before they go to celebrate, Dad draws them to the side.

“Hey... Mom and I have been talking, and we’ve decided you should use the correct mode of transportation when you go out there.”

“What do you mean...”

He fishes a pair of keys out of his pocket.

Cassie just knows Dean’s mouth hanging wide open as she tries to stay calm.

The Impala. He’s giving them the keys to the Impala.

Rebuilt so often there’s little left of its original framework but a few lego pieces in the air vents, a toy soldier stuffed in the ash tray, and two initials carved by two small boys, so long ago.

“Can’t have you riding in an unworthy car, can we? Dean, Sam and Cas would never forgive us.”

Dad grins at them.

No. No they probably wouldn’t.

Still.

“Thanks, Dad.”

Castielle has grown up reading their journals. She knows the challenges they went through, the battles they fought.

But she never felt as close to them as when she starts the Impala a few days later, her brother at her side, Charlie in the backseat.

A new generation of Winchesters and their friends, off to save the world as they have done for generations, ever since two boys and an angel prevented the Apocalypse.

As the Winchesters always will.

[everything-is-vent-blog]

Entry #1 - Monday, February 26, 2018

The day started out like any other, waking up at the crack of dawn to get ready for school.

I got ready, my dad drove me and I waited in the cafeteria until my friends came to talk.

Then i met more of my friends in the area outside the cafeteria. I forgot what we talked about, it might’ve been the drama club show, they put on Anne Frank & Me and the last night (last Friday) I filmed it so they have a copy of it. Anyways let’s dissect this group of friends, although I’m only going to be talking about three of them because they are my closest friends and will definitely be reoccurring (remember fake names) also this officially the point in which if anyone from school or my friends or family are reading this, I’ll be screwed or at least people will draw comparisons if anyone hears about this, oh boy

Kate - Knew her since 6th grade english, a nerd like myself, and although we ‘dated’ for a bit and we’re friends now, and also the fact that I might be asexual (or romantically asexual) I think I still like her. She likes D&D and we’re planning on co-DMing a game for a D&D club. Everyone ships us but, when we ‘dated’ I had such a lack of confidence that I did jack shit and now we’re back right where we were. and I only asked her out cause my ‘friends’ slightly pressured me. Idk what else to say, I guess more will be revealed

Ruby - Knew her from same 6th grade english class, really really close friends with Kate, basically sisters. We both really want to be directors and we are currently trying to find an idea to pursue and film. idk what else to say, more to be revealed and rememebred

Greg - Best way to describe him is a dick but a friendly dick, idk really how to explain the enigma that is him. A) somehow he got a girlfriend (who’s a year olde than him) B) he draws smut and just causally brings it up every now and then. He is/used to be very depressed but we cheer him up and he seems happy now. Idk what else, leaving a bit out and also not remembering a bunch

So yeah, then we went to class after discussing something, I can’t remember. History class was normal, i like my teacher, she’s nice and cool but sometimes she uses memes or is trying way to hard to be hip and cool like that one Steve Buscemi meme. Then is Geo where I blaze ahead of everyone, I got a 100% on a quiz from last week and had to tutor two kids in the class on questions they got wrong. 

Now lets get to french. In 6th-7th grade I had the single greatest teacher I have ever had in my entire ‘academic career’ she was fun, nice, caring, helpful, and the amount of happiness she emitted everyday just can’t be described with words, she was just an amazing teacher, at the end of the year me and a couple other students made a small movie with clips of students saying thank you or saying why they loved her and it was intercut with the speech before she received the teacher of the year award that year and we premiered it at our french production of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs as a complete surprise to her, one of the greatest moments in my life I think. Since then, my 8th grade french teacher was the same teacher that my sister had had up to 8th grade so she knows my family pretty well, there wasn’t much that important for last year’s french. But then this year, we had french honors and our teacher is atrocious, she barely explains things in english and expects us to memorize things in a day, and also to understand her when she’s using words we don’t understand. there’s so much wrong with her as a teacher but I can’t get into it all. But it has occurred to me more than ever this year that I want to pursue film and be a director and i want to know when there are people whose job it is to be a translator for movies and also we have the internet, when the fuck will I need a language, if I go to another country I can hire someone or I can just try another means of communication and it’s not like the only foreign country I’m gonna travel to is France so yeah. 

Now my next class is filmmaking where we just watched our short films on different angle shots. Then in ceramics (which I didn’t even want but I ended up with for some reason) we just started decorating our pots and also because people in another ceramics period did bad on a vocab quiz, she’s making everyone take a new quiz on more shit to memorize. Ugh. Then was lunch, which was normal if not a bit lackluster, we talked about the normal stuff, playfully roasted someone at the table for reading the entirety of twilight and being an emotional wreck afterwards. Then we had english where we talked about an article we wrote a response to about cloning and also plans to make a mini book club to read Simon Vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda and then skip school to see the movie version Love, Simon. Then in bio, where I am one of the top 3 smartest kids in that class because at least 75% of the kids are popular thots or fuckbois and can’t do work for themselves and are mind numbingly stupid. Like usual I speed through my work with extreme accuracy. Then in gym I talked with my friend Natalie (again fake name), she’s usually the one I console in a lot, i used to have a small crush on her back when we had health together last year and when I first talked to her I was more nervous than the most nervous person you’ve seen in your life but times 10. Anyways we’re close friends now and we just talk about life, how people suck, ideas, etc. It’s dun, our teacher is laid back so instead of doing actual PE we just walked the entire time like a lot of classes.

Then when i got home my mom and I went to McDonalds to get the resurrected Szechuan Sauce which was amazing and worth the wait. Then I just did homework and shit for the rest of the night. I started watching Heathers (the original) because I watched the new reboot TV show and it was really fucking bad. i also listened to the musical soundtrack and that was good.

Last bit of the day, so a few weeks back at ruby’s birthday party she invited one of her friends Emma, and it was the first time I had talked to her (she was more of a popular kid and I am in no way popular lol). It turns out she’s not like the thots at all and is genuinely nice. We finished the night off with like a 40 minute gossip session where we talked about her terrible boyfriend and how I nor Kate had had our first kiss and other gossip which was nice to hear for once as I am someone who is always on the outside looking in (DEH reference). But anyways i might have developed a tiny tiny bit of feelings but I know she’s out of my league and would not at all be compatible with me, I mean she came to school high once so yeah. And also the only times we talk are just saying hi in the halls or as we’re leaving school and even then we don’t actually talk. She said she would try to help me overcome my confidence problems and also she joined the group of my friends who said they’d bust down my door and drag me to semi even though I think it’s really stupid. Anyways I bring this up becuase she posted on her snapchat a thing about that if “anyone wants to be friends or doesn’t want to fade away and all that then actually hmu and don’t wait” something along those lines. and I’ve been debating doing this, it’s already too late because it’s like 11:00 and idk when I’d do it tomorrow. Also there’s the whole thing of us not really knowing each other that well so it would be weird if I, a nerdy, acne faces, semi-nobody just sent her “hey’ in an attempt at making friends and all that. Here’s a perfect example of my confidence and anxiety issues. Ugh everything just sucks sometimes.

That’s all for now, fml

Yours truly,

C