#I wrote this on my phone so i hope that the formatting is okay!

[leclarifies]

this was meant to be a late night ramble but i got carried away. will format once i'm on my pc, was written on my phone. not proofread or checked for grammar. also i wrote this in two hours so..............

tl;dr: my take on how the both of you will cope with one of max's worst crashes to date.

tw: crash, max having major injuries after the crash, struggles with alcohol abuse.

you had never been one to ever criticize someone for their choice of profession, especially not when it came to something that paid as high as this, but you wondered if you would ever see your boyfriend in one piece after every race.

it was nerve-wracking of course, seeing him go 350km per hour and hoping his car doesn't fuck itself up and end up in a barrier before then catching into flames. he was good at his job, he loved to drive the damn car so why was it such an issue then?

max didn't understand it either. one moment you would be happy for him and the next you'd be ridden with anxiety whenever he would step into the car, he would always reassure you though. the car was fine, he got the world's best engineers working on his car, that he would be safe.

you didn't understand what had happened though, one moment he was overtaking norris and the next he was in the barrier, a gasp escaped your lips and tears brimmed your eyes when you saw car number 1 in the barrier.

you wanted to claw yourself up there and pull him out of the car yourself but you were being restrained by a few red bull mechanics, telling you that it's gonna to be okay and the marshalls were going to get him out in one piece.

"max? are you alright? talk to me mate."

no response. that's when people started panicking.

max wasn't fine, he wasn't okay. so much force had hit him, he was going max speed when he hit those barriers. he couldn't feel his face, couldn't feel his arms and legs. he felt numb, and it scared him. his ears were ringing and the helmet was suffocating him, he needed air. right now.

he didn't know what happened next, through his blurred vision he could only guess that he had been pulled out the car and his helmet was pulled off his head, he could breathe better but not by much.

the next few moments were just a black void.

you were hysterical when you found out that he was being sent to the nearest hospital, the medical center said, 'it's too big of an injury for us to handle here.' you felt like you were the one dying when you heard he had to go through surgery. you knew he shouldn't have picked this profession, it's insane. how was any of this legal and approved by the government? you didn't know.

you weren't given the specifics because you were neither lawful spouse or family, and his family was hours away from being able to come visit him so you had to sit there and wait for him to come to before you could even know what was going on with him. his profession never scared you quite like this did before.

being in a coma wasn't something on his bucket list, he prayed that he would never go through an accident as traumatic to have to be in a coma.

max could hear the voices, they weren't the clearest. he could hear bits and pieces, but never the full conversation. it was almost as if he was half-asleep and the world around him was just so incredibly quiet. he didn't know what he would do or say to you when he woke up, he was most worried about what you would say. maybe kill him before the injuries from the crash could? max wanted to chuckle from that but nothing came out from his lips, just soft breaths. signaling that he was still alive in there to the outside world.

slowly, he would start hearing and feeling less and less of what happened in the world around him. no longer being able to hear your beautiful voice, and that's what hurt the most, not knowing if you were there with him or not.

you had stayed by his side almost everyday when that happened, not wanting to leave even when the visiting hours were unavailable. always waiting nearby in a coffee shop or booking a hotel room the closest to the hospital in order to be there as soon as visiting hours started.

life felt so empty. you were used to his playful banter and teases but you hadn't heard his voice in two weeks now. you weren't religious, having some religious trauma in life, you would never devote yourself to some invisible god ever again, but you prayed. you prayed to that invisible man upstairs to wake him up, that if he were to wake up, you would start going to church, but that didn't come.

you just wanted him to get better, to open his beautiful blue eyes, look at you and tell you that he loved you. faith was hard to come by but you would always come back to that disgusting sterile smelling room and hold his hand gently, some days you would talk to him, some days you would sing to him but it didn't matter what you did because you would always be there. never missing a possible moment where he would wake up.

the doctors said it didn't look good. they hadn't been medically inducing him in a coma for a week now, he should be conscious by the first few days of taking him off the medically induced coma and you didn't know what to think. you were scared.

you had told him so many times that it made you anxious that an accident like this would happen, that he would get in that car and you couldn't see him anymore but you didn't know it was going to be this soon.

at first you couldn't believe it, it had been almost a month since you heard his voice last. he couldn't be, right? he was the most talented driver you knew, there was no way he was in a coma after a big crash. he was always careful, never taking risks that was unnecessary, right?

you were in denial, you knew it. everyone knew it. you were spiraling out of control and there was nothing anyone could do about it, unless they would magically wake max verstappen out of his comatose state.

there was a hole left in your chest when you realized that maybe he was never going to wake up from this, that you would never see his beautiful blue eyes anymore. slowly, you started to lose hope. visits became far and few between, you just wanted to get away. not wanting to see the day that his family decided that there was no more hope for him and to pull the plug.

you buried yourself in work, not wanting to think, not wanting to feel, just wanting to focus on anything else other than the gaping hole in your chest.

drinking became your best friend, hitting up bars as soon as you finished your shift. downing shot after shot, your friends and his friends were all concerned, always asking if you needed anything, if you needed them and that they were there for you, but frankly you didn't care about anyone else.

coming home drunk wasn't something that was far and few between anymore, it would be every other night, then every night and then sometimes you would sneak a flask in when you were at work. just something to numb the pain of losing your boyfriend. it wasn't enough though.

you were angry.

who cared about all of those other people when the person that mattered the most was in a hospital bed? waiting for his own death that wasn't even entirely up to him? you were angry, you wanted to scream at anything, at someone.

why did it have to be him? why did it have to be your max? why did it have to be him at the wrong place at the wrong time? why? why? why? he did nothing wrong, all his life he was a saint. he was never cruel to anything or anyone in his life, all he did was try to please the people around him, why did it have to be him?

you wished you had the answers, you still prayed. almost like a devoted follower of that stupid god most of the population of the earth believed in. you laughed at the irony of your desperation, no amount of praying or bargaining could ever bring him back, it was too late but damn, if you didn't try you knew you'd regret it.

max's family checked up on you often, sophie and victoria being the ones to ask you how you were. you always appreciated them checking up on you when you knew that they were hurting the most out of all of this, they were his family afterall. you were just... the girlfriend. your feelings were not important in this equation.

trudging through life without waking up next to him was painful, the small pitiful meows coming out of sassy and jimmy were almost even more painful. the reminder that you were in his apartment, with his cats but without him. when was he going to wake up? when were you going to wake up from this bad dream?

a ring from your phone had woken you up from your drunken adventures from the previous night, you wanted to yell at them for interrupting your sleep. you wanted to sleep forever, maybe even be in a comatose state similar to max so then you would be able to wake up together.

"hello?" you mumbled through closed eyes, very much annoyed that whoever this person was, waking you up from your sleep. you didn't even bother to check the called id.

"you need to come down to the hospital, right now."

you haven't scrambled up and got dressed any faster than you just did, you didn't bother doing your hair or even brushing your teeth. one second you were in your shared apartment, the next you were in your car, speeding past the streets of monaco to get to the hospital, maybe breaking a few laws and going as fast as an f1 car.

"schatje."

you were crying when you got there, burying your face in max's chest, you wanted to yell at him, for leaving you alone for two months too long but you didn't have it in you. his hand found its way to your hair, petting your head. a gentle kiss was left against your temple as you continued to cry against his chest, you couldn't form words, basically inconsolable.

you were eventually able to peel yourself off of him though, his hand firmly wrapped around yours, mainly for your comfort and not his. the doctor's had explained that he had to slowly learn to walk and speak again because he was in a coma for so long but the first words out of his mouth when he first became conscious was schatje which made you cry a little bit more. some of his friends and family came throughout the day and he could recognize who they were, just had a hard time speaking.

it was only at the end of the day where you two had a time for yourselves, just basking in the presence of each other, finally being able to see his pretty blue eyes look at you.

"lay... ne-next to me..?" max asked, his voice a bit scratchy for not being awake in two months, tilting his head a little to the left, a little quirk of his which you thought was cute and complied with his request. he wrapped his arm around yours after scooting to make space for you, the both of you just laying there in each other's presence, not wanting to let go.

max didn't understand how much time had passed and understandably so, but he missed you. it felt like he had just gone to sleep and succumbed to his injuries but for you, it felt like a lifetime without having to see the love of your life. the atmosphere was quiet, but comfortable. seeing max alive and in one piece was all you needed before slowly drifting off into sleep, and for once the nurses didn't kick you out after checking in on max.

recovery was hard, max had been told that he suffered damage when he got a concussion from the crash. his spine had been mostly intact but since he suffered injuries to his brain, he had to learn how to walk and talk again.

"what about happiness?" a therapist had asked max as he sat across from her. they were doing some exercises to train max's speaking, something that the doctors had mentioned would help max recover faster. max's face lit up before pointing to you, who was sitting next to him, "nice try max, but you understand what i mean."

a giggle left your lips before he tried again, with a pout dancing on his lips, "joy, winning a race?" he tilted his head cutely before the therapist let him have the answer, it was cute. he was cute but he was a fighter.

the moment the doctors cleared him of any sustaining injuries, he was ready to get on the track again, only after six months after the crash.

"you can't be serious max," you shook your head as you paced around the apartment, "it's only been six months... you should just rest for the remainder of the season and get in next year. i don't understand the rush, you have your life in front of you to compete, what's wrong with waiting a few more months?"

max shrugged, he realized after the crash that he in fact did not have his entire life to race. what if his life was taken early and he couldn't spend the rest of his life with her, what then? he didn't want to waste any time. he wanted to get his head in the game while he was at his prime and get it over with before retiring and getting away with her on a private island and living there for the rest of his life.

he didn't want to race for the remainder of his life, nope. he wasn't like alonso who was going to be on the track when he's old and frail and no longer in the top teams. he wanted to win, and that's what he was going to do, to win. he knew that him coming back so soon even after his injuries were going to be hard on you, he was scared to even bring it up in the first place.

it had only been a few months, and he was so ready to come back to racing. his fingers were basically itching for it, but he was very mindful with how you were going to feel, he always was. he hinted at it a couple times before, but her response was always different than what he wanted.

max sighed when you were obviously going to be upset with his decision, "look, i know you're worried and you do not want me in the car so soon, but you have to trust me—"

you set your back straight before looking him dead in the eyes, "i trusted you six months ago! look where that got us!" you didn't mean to yell, but you were scared and you did not want to lose him because he was driving a silly fast car. max looked hurt, and rightfully so. you sighed before you walked over to where he was on the couch, wrapping your arms around him in a hug, which he welcomed with open arms, "i'm just worried, okay? you being in that coma was the scariest thing in my entire life. i even lost hope, do you understand how scary it was for me to lose hope?"

max nods before landing a kiss on your lips, wanting to reassure you that he made a mistake and that it wasn't going to happen again. he didn't mean to leave you for those two months, but he knew that he was never going to do that to you again. he didn't want to hurt you anymore than he already did.

"trust me, i'm not gonna make the same mistake twice and i'm gonna make you proud."

and max never did. he got in the car the next week, ready to fight. baring his teeth for anyone who could get anywhere close to him. he closed out the season with multiple trophies, even though the driver's championship was out of reach.

he celebrated that season with a big smile on his face and you knew it was the right decision to let him get back to racing. as much as you didn't want to admit it, he loved racing more than he loved you and you were okay with that. you were okay with being second to his ambitions and dreams because that's what good girlfriends do, let their boyfriend's risk their lives driving silly fast cars if that meant it made them happy.

unfortunately, you anxiety wouldn't go away even after all the constant reassurance your boyfriend gave you. the nights where you were alone, wondering whether if max was going to pull through still haunted you.

of course, alcohol was still a problem for you. you turned to it when you felt like you didn't have a choice. some nights, on particularly rough anxiety ridden nights, you would sneak out. just grab a drink or two to soothe your heart. it wasn't long before max caught on though.

"where have you been?" max had asked as you entered their apartment after coming home from work, it wasn't like you came home late and came home absolutely drunk which is why you didn't think he was suspicious. there had been a break between the current races, which is why he was home before you were.

a hiccup breaks the silence as you close the door behind you, you lock eyes with max and you can see the disappointment floating in his eyes, that's when you knew that he knew but you weren't sure how much he knew.

"answer the question, liefje," max sternly spoke up once again, walking towards you, in his eyes was a challenge. he was waiting to see whether you were going to lie to his face or not. he could practically smell the alcohol from there, he went out drinking a lot too, being a formula one driver meant parties like there was no tomorrow.

you didn't know what to answer with, so you answered as vaguely as possible, "i was out with some friends," hoping that the answer you gave him would satisfy him enough without him asking too many questions, you tried to brush past him but he held onto your arm.

max had heard stories from his friends, telling him that you weren't at a good spot after the accident. that you turned to drinking and it seemed like nothing could help except for max himself.

he took one whiff and he knew it was alcohol, "which friends?" he asked, not wanting to let you slip from his fingers, he knew how dangerous alcohol addiction was and he wasn't going to let his girlfriend fall into the grasps of it.

"work friends, max— let go. i want to take a shower," you tugged on his hand that was holding onto your arm, but he was unrelenting. he stared you down, not convinced with the bullshit answer you gave him. he knew you had been out drinking, it wasn't even race week. you didn't have an excuse.

max's eyes softened, he knew that somewhere deep inside of you that you were struggling, that you needed help but you just didn't know how to reach out. was it hard to reach out to him? has he made himself so unapproachable after the accident?

"talk to me, what's going on with you?" max's grip on your arm has softened but you could only sigh and look away, you didn't know how to face him. yes, you were struggling but you didn't know how to bring it up. just like everything in your life, you needed someone to comfort you and tell you it was going to be okay and that there were people there for you, but you were stubborn almost in a similar fashion to him.

you only looked back up at him when max squeezed your arm and the eyes that looked back up at him were no longer hard and guarded, but full of vulnerability and glassy, "i—"

"you've been drinking?" max cut you off and finished your sentence for you, now you knew how much he knew of your struggles. you swear it wasn't supposed to get this bad, you promised yourself you would stop on the weeks where he didn't have races, or maybe just stop altogether but that was easier said than done.

"yes," was all that left your lips and that was the day that max swore he was going to get you through this.

max had offered to take a break like you suggested for the rest of the year, just to ease your nerves but you told him that it was a hard no for you. you knew that it was going to get much worse if you got too used to his presence, the cycle would just repeat itself once he got back into racing.

this time there was another road to recovery, just not for him. max had been nothing but helpful, always offering you help, even offering to pay for your rehab. you contemplated whether you even wanted to go or not, you didn't want to feel weak. to feel like there was something was wrong with you, that you were a freak but at the end, after endless heart-to-heart conversations with max, he was convinced you to go.

the first few months were hard, there was no way you could attend the races while going through rehab so you had to just suck it up and go through it without watching. max felt bad, of course he did. that was the love of his life that he put in that rehab center, but he knew he had to make tough decisions if he wanted you to get better.

he felt horrible not having you there for even some of the races, not because he sent you to the rehab center but because he missed you. he knew that the accident hit you hard, but not this hard. he didn't understand how much anxiety racing did to you, and he was beating himself up for it.

he should've seen the signs, should've reached out sooner before they could fester into something as serious as alcohol addiction but there was no use in beating himself up for something he didn't do in the past, as least he was doing it now after he saw the signs of you struggling.

the initial withdrawal symptoms were insane, if you weren't in rehab, you would've probably relapsed the first day there. it was hard for you and you were trying your best, and you did. overtime, you were recovering and that's all that mattered.

max had received updates of course, he requested them. he wanted to see how you were holding up, if there were any signs of improvement. the therapists there all said that you were doing splendid, that she might get out in a few months which was great news to max.

it would only take you another six months to fully recover and the first thing you did when you saw max when he picked you up was jump into his arms, he breathed out a sigh of relief after not seeing you for a couple of weeks. he could live like this.

both of them had their own battles to fight through but the most important part was that they both overcame both battles, never forgetting to support eachother, even when one lost themselves along the way.

[solomons-poison]

Overworked

Lucifer x reader

: ̗̀➛ A/N: Uhhhh inspired by some history of burn out at work... >>; and just general issues with perfectionist ideas. Honestly, this has been in my drafts for nearly two years now. I was unhappy with how it sounded, but much like the message in this piece, I realized I need to be okay with less-than-perfect things. So cleaned it up a little bit and here you go. Written and edited on mobile so please excuse any formatting issues

: ̗̀➛ Warnings: GN reader, angst to fluff, general insecurities, crying, reader ignoring signs of sickness; Lucifer fluff, no established relationship but Lucifer is very soft on reader~

: ̗̀➛ Word Count: 4652

You should have known something was coming on before it got this bad, but unfortunately, you had a bad habit of ignoring body signals, which was ultimately your downfall.

You'd been feeling... off, for the past couple of days. More exhausted than usual, decreased appetite, just generally run down. You often found yourself in a daze, losing concentration on anything that wasn't your work assignments. It didn't help that the coursework at R.A.D. was naturally more difficult for you as a human, dealing with school subjects you never dreamed of or would ever encounter in the human realm. It was also a busy time in the school year, with big exams coming up and the workload increasing in difficulty by the day, so you attributed your exhaustion to this and wrote it off. Of course, by the time you realized what was going on, it was too late. This was mistake #1.

You woke up in the morning to your blaring alarm, feeling tired and sluggish again, and noticed the missed alarms on your phone. Although you occasionally slept through one or two alarms, you almost never slept this late unless you wanted to. But you didn't have time to think about the reasons and rationale on why your body sought so much extra rest. Instead, you pushed yourself through your confusion and sleepiness to get dressed and head down for breakfast as quickly as possible, hoping Lucifer wouldn't punish you too harshly. Mistake #2.

As you started to leave your room, you couldn't help but shiver a little and quickly grabbed a cardigan to wear over your uniform. It wasn't unusual for the air to feel chilly in the Devildom, thanks to the lack of sunlight. However, the chill seemed to be bone-deep this morning, and something in you felt the cardigan was going to be no help. In general, everything in you was screaming to take a day off and rest, but one of your classes had a quiz later that day that you knew you couldn't miss. Once again, you found yourself pushing forward regardless of the glaring warning signs in your peripheral vision.

Mistake #3.

By the time you made it to the dining room, everyone was already seated, including Belphie, a true testament to just how much you overslept. Everyone turned to glance at you except Beel, who was more focused on his food as per usual. Part of your brain noticed Lucifer looking at you a moment longer than the others, but it was forgotten as the second born pointed his fork at you accusingly.

"Finally, human! I thought ya were gonna sleep all day, with your alarm goin' off like that," he said.

"Sorry, Mammon. I guess I must have been sleeping pretty deeply," you replied, smiling sheepishly. You knew he was mostly pulling your leg, but your phone alarms had a tendency to be on the loud side and felt guilty for disturbing any of the brothers with the noise. "I don't even remember going to bed either."

"I don't think that's unusual, I do that all the time," Belphie piped up from down the table, earning pointed looks from the others.

You didn't miss the way the eldest brother's eyes sneaked up to look at you upon hearing your statement, though, clearly studying your face.

"Are you feeling alright, MC? You do seem to look rather tired this morning," Lucifer commented, eyebrows drawn together in concern.

You knew the second you made eye contact you'd be doomed to an interrogation, so you barely spared a glance before training your gaze on your breakfast as you responded. "Yeah, I'm fine, I'm sure I just stayed up too long studying for this quiz I've got today." But even as you said the words, you knew something wasn't right, and it only seemed to be getting worse the longer you sat there.

You could feel it in the air that Lucifer was unsatisfied with that answer, but he remained silent and you continued on with your food.

By the time you'd finished your breakfast, only a few brothers remained in the dining room after your late arrival. Beel and Belphie were both there. But strangely enough, it was Lucifer still being there that really confused you, given his penchant for being early to everything. Unfortunately, your fatigue-addled brain simply couldn't put forth the effort to think hard about the reason. The chill from earlier had now settled deep in your bones, and everything about the situation was screaming "wrong!!".

Once again ignoring the strange phenomena, you stood to bring your dishes back to the kitchen, but you were hit almost instantly by a wave of dizziness and shivering, knees buckling and your vision turning dark as you stumbled forward. You managed to catch yourself on a chair and stayed upright, but all three brothers were instantly on their feet. Lucifer got to you first, his gloved hand gripping your upper arm to steady you further.

"MC! Are you all right? What's wrong?" he questioned, voice rich with concern and a deep frown on his face. Beel and Belphie crowded around, watching you for any risk of falling.

You took a moment to breathe, cold sweat running down your back, fighting hard against the sensations running through your body, and worked up the strength to look up at the first born. "I'm OK. Sorry," you said, smiling shakily, but Lucifer's frown only deepened at your response. "I guess I was more tired than I thought."

"This is more than fatigue, MC. Are you certain you're not sick?"

You gathered the strength to stand a little taller. As you did, something in the back of your brain was yelling at you again that this was a mistake, to sit back down, to call out sick, rest, anything but go to class. But your stubbornness and anxiety won out, knowing that missing just the one class would really put you behind your studies, and you prided yourself on your ability to work hard on your own. You hadn't spent months of pushing yourself, working overtime and scouring textbook after textbook, to quit now from some measly sickness. Your brain just couldn't rationalize any other way around it.

"Really, Lucifer, I'm OK. You don't need to worry so much—" you managed to say, but as the last words left your mouth, your last bit of strength finally ran out, and a blanket of darkness came down on your vision as you lost consciousness.

“MC–!” “Hey!” Multiple voices called out as you passed out in front of them.

Beel caught your body as you fell back out of Lucifer's hold, and he quickly picked up your legs to hold onto your unconscious body. He could feel the heat radiating off your skin and a sad frown twisted his features.

"I think they have a fever," he said, holding you close to himself, and Belphie leaned in to take a closer look at your face.

Lucifer could feel his face fall at Beel's statement, but steeled himself quickly before either of his brothers could notice. However, all it would take is a closer look to see the worry evident in his dark ruby eyes. He sighed quietly, pinching the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache coming on as he quickly made up a plan to deal with this new development.

"Beel, could you bring MC up to their room?" Lucifer asked. "I'm going to contact Solomon for some medicine to help with their illness." Beel nodded and started to leave the dining room with you cradled in his arms, Belphie following close behind. However, just before they stepped through the doorway, Lucifer stopped them briefly. "And do not bring this up with the others. If anyone else hears MC is sick, they're all going to leave class to come here and MC needs to rest. I will tell them when it’s appropriate."

He could tell both younger brothers wanted to say something about that, but luckily, they simply nodded and continued on their way. Once he was alone, Lucifer took a moment to himself to stop and breathe, anxiety coursing through his veins at the situation. But he shook it off as best he could before sending a notice out to Solomon, and another notice to Lord Diavolo and Barbatos to alert about your absence. He would have time to fret later, but for now, he needed to focus on you and making sure that you were taken care of. The last thing he needed was to let something terrible happen to one of the human exchange students and possibly disappoint Lord Diavolo… at least, that's what he told himself. But really, he knew it was more than that. Pushing those thoughts away, he shook his head and moved onwards, focusing on the task at hand.

After sending his messages, he quickly gathered some basic supplies, washcloths and a bowl for water to make a cold compress, as well as an extra blanket, and brought them up to your room where Belphie and Beel were waiting. You'd been laid out on your bed covered by a light blanket, your face contorted in discomfort. Lucifer could feel his heart twist in his chest at your visible pain.

"I will take over from here, you can go now," he said, setting down his supplies and removing his cloak.

Belphie frowned, crossing his arms in frustration. "MC is sick, we're not going anywhere. Class can wait–" he started, but Lucifer cut him off with a glare.

"No, you are not staying here," Lucifer said definitively. "MC needs to rest, and they cannot do that with a crowd in the room. Solomon is on his way here with medicine and I will be taking care of them in the meantime."

Belphie practically bristled, the tension in the room almost palpable between the eldest and youngest brothers, but Beel placed a hand on Belphie's shoulder, attempting to calm him down.

"Look, I don't care if you don't attend class today," Lucifer continued, his stress levels exhausting him of energy to fight. "But I want MC to get the rest they need. Until Solomon arrives and we can contact a more knowledgeable physician on human illnesses, we don't know how sick they are. I will keep you updated if anything changes, but for now, you must leave."

Beel and Belphie were silent for a long minute, not breaking eye contact with Lucifer. Eventually, they relented, however, and Belphie sighed, turning away towards the door.

"Fine, we'll go. Come on, Beel," Belphie muttered, going out the door with one last glance to your sleeping form.

Beel started to follow, but turned to Lucifer at the last moment. “We can pick up some food for MC to help them feel better. Would that be okay?”

Lucifer’s eyes widened at the request before softening, knowing his brothers were simply worried about their precious human. He nodded, and Beel smiled happily. “Yes, that will be fine. I believe easy to eat foods will be best, something to make into a soup or broth. I’ll also ask Solomon for recommendations on human world foods.”

“Awesome, I’ll tell Belphie,” Beel replied, smiling back, and headed out the door.

Now that Lucifer was finally alone with you, he heaved a great sigh that was almost too loud for the sudden silence. He shed his coat, placing it over the chair at your desk, before rolling up his sleeves and removing his gloves. He retrieved some cool water from your bathroom and dipped the washcloth in, then took a seat beside your bed, wringing the washcloth before pressing it to your forehead.

The fever had caused a sweat to break out, and your face was twisted in pain even in your sleep. The sound of your labored breathing weighed heavily on Lucifer's mind. But the cooling effects of the washcloth seemed to alleviate your discomfort a little as your face relaxed, and seeing you a little more comfortable eased the ache in his heart. The weight that had been sitting on his shoulders ever since you fainted lifted a little, giving him the slightest bit of relief, and he turned around to refresh your washcloth.

“Mmm.. Lu..cifer…”

Lucifer’s ears perked up almost embarrassingly fast upon hearing you say his name, and his head whipped around to look at you. However, it was evidently just talking in your sleep as your eyes remained closed and your breathing was even. He reached over to pull the blanket up, tucking you in, and did his best to ignore the pounding of his heart.

Although you two weren't a couple, you still seemed to hold a special place in his heart alongside his brothers. You were family now, but even that word didn't seem sufficient for the way he felt. And seeing you so sick all of a sudden gave him a greater shock than he was prepared for. It was moments like this that he realized how truly mortal you were, that you didn’t recover from sickness the same way Lucifer and his brothers could.

He couldn’t even be sure of what you were sick with. For all he knew, he was overreacting and you were likely fine. But still, the fear of the unknown settled deep in his heart, unable to rest until he could get an answer. For now, all he could do was swallow down his worries and continue on with what he was doing, trying to ignore the desperate aching in his chest.

Half an hour passed before a knock resounded at your bedroom door, and Lucifer okayed entry without taking his eyes off of you. He was settled back in your chair, sleeves still rolled up in an unusual display of casualness, although his crossed arms betrayed his true feelings. Solomon quietly opened the door, peeking his head in before entering, a small satchel in his arms that clinked softly as he moved it. Barbatos had come with him and trailed through silently, letting Solomon take the lead.

“Wow, MC really is sick,” Solomon commented, seeing your quiet form tucked in on the bed. However, he wasn’t sure which to be more surprised by, the fact you had fallen ill like this or the sight of Lucifer dressed down, sitting at your bedside.

Lucifer sighed, moving his stiff form now to turn and look at your guests. “Yes, they were looking awful all during breakfast, and after getting up from their chair, they just fainted. I’m not sure what it is, but they have some kind of fever. I’ve been applying this compress but of course we don’t have any human world medicine here.”

Solomon nodded, setting down his satchel on the top of your desk. “I’ve brought a potion that will help bring down their fever for now,” he said, removing a carefully packaged vial filled with a fascinating colored liquid. “Unfortunately, I’m not a doctor so I can’t treat the root cause, but I’ll do my best until a physician can get here.”

“That’s fine, thank you,” Lucifer said, nodding. He glanced at Barbatos, who was standing silently at the foot of your bed. “I didn’t expect you to come here, Barbatos. Did you need something?”

Barbatos only shook his head.

“No, when I received your message that MC was sick, I thought it best to bring some tea for them to drink," he replied, bringing forward a small tin. "Peppermint tea is supposed to provide some medicinal properties, such as relieving fever and nausea. Once MC is awake, perhaps they can drink it to help their symptoms. I've also called on the services of a doctor who is familiar with human health and illnesses, they should be arriving soon."

Lucifer accepted it, taking the tin and placing it on your bedside table. "Yes, that will be good, thank you," he said, prompting a small smile from the butler.

Lucifer reached over and gently shook your shoulders, feeling terrible for waking you but wanting to get the potion in your body already. “MC, can you hear me?” he said softly, and your face scrunched a little in response. “Solomon has brought some medicine to help your fever, you should try to take some.”

Solomon and Barbatos couldn't help glancing at each other at the demon's gentle tone.

"Lucifer..?" You mumbled, bleary eyes blinking several times as you struggled to wake up.

"Yes, it's me," he responded, heart fluttering again at the sound of your voice. "Do you remember what happened? You had passed out after breakfast."

"Oh. That's wild."

Lucifer couldn't help himself as his eyebrows shot up at your response, which was obviously the product of still being half-asleep. But it was a very you response, and he refrained from laughing. He opened his mouth to continue, but was cutoff as you suddenly gasped, shooting up from the bed.

"My quiz! What happened to my quiz?" you shouted, but the outburst was short-lived as the sudden change in elevation made you waver, your fatigued body not strong enough to handle this.

Lucifer caught your body as you started to fall backwards, and he gently eased you back onto your pillow. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Of all the things to think about now, a quiz was on your mind?

"You passed out in front of me and you're worried about a quiz?" he couldn't help but question. "Diavolo was made aware of what happened, you don't have to worry about your class. We're more concerned with your fever, we think you may be sick."

Solomon took the chance to step forward, grabbing the colorful vial he'd brought earlier.

"Here, MC, this potion should help you feel better for now. But we're trying to find you a doctor just to make sure everything is okay," he said, uncorking the vial. Despite your dubious look, you accepted and drank it down with his help before settling back down on the pillow. You could immediately feel the effects of the potion, already getting some relief from the fatigue in your body and the cold sweats plaguing you.

Barbatos also took the opportunity to speak up, stepping up to the end of your bed. “I’ve also brought you some peppermint tea leaves. Please let me know if you’d like me to brew some tea for you. The Young Lord is wishing for your speedy recovery.”

“Thanks, Solomon, that does make me feel a little better. And not right now, Barbatos, but that does sound really good, I appreciate it. Please tell Diavolo thank you for me, as well.” You closed your eyes for a moment, relaxing against your pillow, before opening them again and looking at the three people in your room. “I’m sorry for worrying everyone, I promise I’ll get better soon.”

Lucifer only shook his head at you, pulling up your blanket around your body and tucking you in.

“You can hardly blame us for worrying about you, you have left a strong impression on all of us. Just focus on resting for now, a physician should be coming by soon,” he said, a slight smile on his lips. The other two smiled back at you, as well, before Solomon said his goodbyes and left.

Barbatos stayed behind to wait, eventually making you the tea in the meantime and just involving you in some small talk to comfort you. Once the physician arrived, Barbatos and Lucifer both left to give you some privacy, nervously waiting outside your door for the results. Lucifer even settled on the ground against the wall, sleeves still rolled up and hair a mess, uncharacteristically ruffled.

Although you had seemed in better spirits after taking Solomon’s potion and resting, Lucifer still felt restless, waiting for your assessment to be finished. When he heard your door click open, it was almost embarrassing how quickly he shot to his feet, afraid for the worst. But the physician quickly assuaged his fears.

Despite the fever and the passing out, everything pointed to simple burnout, caused by you overworking yourself in an attempt to get ahead. You would need to wait out the remainder of the fever, taking medicine as needed to help it along. But overall, the most important thing you needed now was rest, and plenty of it. Thankfully, that would be easy enough to arrange.

Unfortunately, the answer was not a surprising one. Lucifer knew that, despite the offers from him and the other RAD council members, you often declined on any kind of assistance or tutoring with your work. His own sin prompted him to say it was pride that prevented you from accepting outside help. But he knew that in general, you felt it could be a weakness, especially being in an environment with those that still looked down on humans and were uncertain of your place in their society. Deeper than that, he also knew you considered yourself a burden, trying to reduce your presence whenever possible, leaving you to work twice as hard to complete the same tasks.

Sometimes he wished that you would rely on him a little more, come to him when you needed help or just a listening ear. But if anyone understood the need to maintain their pride, it was the the Avatar of Pride himself. Lucifer also knew he hadn’t always been the most supportive, memories of your new arrival and the way he treated you burned into his mind like a shameful brand, so he couldn’t blame you for keeping things to yourself. But maybe, after this whole episode was resolved and you were back to full health, things could be different.

He stepped into your room once the physician departed, and you were sitting up in bed, propped up by your pillows. You were already looking much better than earlier, and it eased his heart immensely. Lucifer didn’t even need to say anything, as your sheepish expression said it all, but he still wanted to make sure of something.

“I trust you understand what the doctor has told you about your condition and what to do now,” he said. He couldn’t help gravitating towards you, ending up at the side of your bed once more.

You nodded, squeezing your hands nervously in front of you.

“I know, I understand,” you said, your voice meek and rough from your exhaustion.

Honestly, the whole thing was embarrassing. You were just trying to keep up with your classmates, make sure you weren’t embarrassing the Prince of the Devildom or the Seven Avatars that were hosting you in their home. And for a while, it seemed to be working. Sure you felt a little tired, but at least your grades were exemplary. But of course, it couldn’t be that easy, or stay that easy.

As you recalled what happened up until you passed out, and bits and pieces of Lucifer caring for you afterwards came to mind, you found yourself unable to make eye contact. Your body felt hot again, but it wasn’t the fever this time. Not only did you end up passing out from your efforts, but it was Lucifer that took care of you in the end. It was mortifying, truly. But almost as if sensing your feelings, Lucifer sat at the edge of your bed, his still-uncovered hand moving to cover both of yours.

The touch surprised you, making you look up finally, but his next words were what truly took you off guard.

“I know that you feel you have to work hard to keep up with your studies,” Lucifer said, squeezing your hands gently. “And while we— Diavolo and I— appreciate your efforts, the whole point of you coming to the Devildom was not to get good grades. You are part of the exchange program, but you are also our guest. I know we have not always been as welcome as we should have been, but we hope that you can come to us when you feel that you’re struggling. At least, I hope that you can come to me, if you are struggling.”

You couldn’t help it as your eyes widened. A soft look you’d never noticed before filled Lucifer’s face, a reassuring smile gracing his lips. You’d seen a lot of expressions cross Lucifer’s face, but this was the rarest of all, and one you never expected to be aimed towards you.

This, combined with his words, was all too much for you at once. Suddenly, your vision was swimming and something wet was falling down one of your cheeks, dripping onto your shirt. Almost immediately, Lucifer’s smile dropped in panic, and through your tears, you could just barely make out his mouth opening and closing as he struggled for words.

“Oh—” Damn it. Lucifer wasn’t quite sure what he was expecting when he told you how he felt, but it certainly wasn’t tears. He quickly reached up, brushing away your tears with his fingers, his touch awkward but achingly gentle. Of course, his touch only made you cry harder.

“I– I’m sorry, MC, it wasn’t my intention to make you cry,” he said, finally remembering a handkerchief he keeps in his vest, and patted your cheeks with it, trying desperately to slow your tears.

You struggled to calm yourself down, wanting to reassure the demon of any misunderstanding.

“I-it’s not that,” you said, involuntary gasps breaking up your words. “I just feel so stupid. Like I just keep making the same dumb mistakes over and over again, no matter what. And now here I am, sick in bed and you’re having to take care of me, and you’re being so nice, and I just don’t know what to do.”

“Nice” wasn’t a word often used to describe Lucifer, at least not anymore. And he could guess that it’s not a word you’d used to describe him in the past. It also hurt him to hear how you saw yourself and all your efforts. Although you came across as reckless and a little ridiculous at times, you were also genuine and a hard worker. Lucifer’s pride made it difficult for him to admit many things, but he genuinely came to appreciate the way you treated your studies, unlike some of his brothers. Even if your grades were poor, even if you struggled with the subjects, he simply admired your sincerity in everything you did, and that was enough to make him happy. He just wished that you could feel the same.

“I think you’re being generous by calling me nice. But you don’t need to do anything special, MC,” he said. Finally, your tears were starting to dry a little bit, easing his own aching heart. “We all appreciate your efforts, but we just want you to keep being yourself, more than anything. Keep reminding us that you are human, in the way only you can. Of course, if you can do that without worrying me sick, that would also be appreciated.”

The last part made you laugh, and you couldn’t help but sniffle as the crying finally ended.

“Okay.”

“And if you’re having trouble with a subject, many of us would be happy to help you. Satan does make an excellent tutor, and despite Belphie’s knack for sleeping in class, he often has a good grasp on the subjects as well.” Now that your eyes were dry, Lucifer put the damp handkerchief back in his pocket in order to use a hand to squeeze yours. His other hand brushed over your cheek, rubbing softly, soothingly.

You could only nod, more tears threatening to rip a sob from you if you opened your mouth again. But no more words were needed, getting to relax your impossible standards for once and finally feeling at peace knowing that there were others there to support you, including a certain red-eyed devil at your side.

As always, reblogs and comments are appreciated! 💜 You can also support me by buying a coffee ☕️!

[cozy-writes-things]

GNreader x edgar

Reader comforts edgar cuz he had a nightmare

Thanks for the request! Adorable!! I’ll be writing any requests I receive in the order I got them, so come right up, get ur comfort right off the press! Fresh and hot!

P.S.: I wrote this on my phone and I feel like the formatting is poopy caca so I’m sorry T_T

Electric Nightmares

Bzzt.

The sound tickled your eardrums and slowly nudged you to consciousness.

Bzzt.

In your half-awake, half-dream state, you hear it again, a small, crunchy noise you can’t quite place. Is it some sort of insect? A fly, perhaps? A wasp?

Bzzzzzt.

No, this is different. It sounds electric, almost. A robot fly? A robot wasp? Your mind fills with images of robotic legs and glass wings, buzzing, over and over, with tingles of static caressing your nose. The sound continues, periodically droning on, for what felt like ages. You nuzzle deeper into your pillow, drowning out the sound, and attempt to slip further into slumber.

Bzzzt- “Gah-!”

That made you jump awake.

Edgar’s shrill shout seemed to bounce off of every electrical current flowing through your apartment, or at least, it felt like it, as it suddenly ripped you away from your tranquil dreams of robotic insects and made way for an instant wave of worry and confusion. You could hear him in the living room, still buzzing and chirping out garbled sounds, and what could only be described as little gasps for air, in his nonexistent lungs. The logistics of that could be debated later, but for now, you haphazardly stumble out of bed, blinking away the dizziness and make your way towards the worried beeps of your little computer.

Your eyes had to adjust to the new light levels of the living room as you approached him, his screen flashing in a disarray of colors. This seemed to indicate he was under some extreme emotions or stress, you’ve discovered.

“Edgar? Are you okay? What happened?”

Your voice croaked out through drowsiness, seemingly tearing him away from whatever he had been thinking, as his rapidly blinking screen froze on a deep red. The room was now basked in a faint crimson hue, one that could only reflect whatever inner battle he seemed to be waging in that instant.

“Go back to bed,” he muttered, almost bitterly, with pain in his voice. It cracked and warbled with an emotion you hadn’t quite heard before.

It certainly worried you.

Your happy little pinecone computer never sounded like this. The usual, flirty lilt in his voice seemed to have vanished, replaced with a dark, husky sound that caused little bumps to blossom over your skin.

“No. Not until you tell me what happened. Are you okay?”

You shuffle towards him, the cold floors against your bare feet sending even more shivers down the nape of your neck as you sit in the little office chair in front of your partner. You cradle the sides of his casing, gently trailing your fingers up and down, hoping he can feel it, as you try to soothe him in any way you can.

He made a rough grunt at this.

“I just…”

The room falls into an uneasy silence.

The red on his screen fades to orange, slowly, then yellow, until it gently morphs into the green you’re used to. A pixelated frown blinks to life upon the glass.

“I had a nightmare.”

….a nightmare? He could dream? You feel quite silly that this isn’t something you’ve thought to ask him before, seeing as you weren’t even sure he slept at all. You were well aware that he powered down, went into “sleep mode”, but had it really been sleeping this whole time? Did he have other dreams? What were they made of? How often were they nightmares?

“A nightmare?” You parroted, almost in disbelief, searching your brain for something, anything to say.

He only hummed in response, and the casing your hand caressed grew slightly warmer, as if he were leaning into your touch in the only way he could display.

“I…”

His synthesized speech trilled out, lowly.

“I… hurt… you,” he sounded so pitiful, his voice whimpering out, and you could only imagine that if he were able, long tear stains would adorn the convex surface of the glass.

You sigh.

“Oh, Edgar, you could never hurt me,” you lean in to give him a small peck, something soft, to ease his mind of whatever had happened, and remind him you’re there and that you’re okay.

His eternal frown seemed to warp at the edges.

“‘M sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up…”

God his voice sounded so melancholic it almost brought you to tears seeing and hearing him like this.

You couldn’t stand it.

You gently wrapped your arms around his monitor and pressed your cheek against the warm, staticy screen and just embraced him, cradling him in your arms, hoping more than anything he can feel the emotions your soul seemed to be radiating for him in that moment.

“Edgar, don’t apologize. I get nightmares, too… I’m sorry. I’m here for you, I’m okay, and you could never, ever hurt me. If you want to talk about it, I’m here.”

He grew warm and his fans whirred to life, sending little buzzing vibrations down your arms and into your chest.

“I love you,” he whispered, as if he was almost afraid to let the words slip; let the atmosphere take them and send them to your ears.

“I know you do. And I love you, too. So much. You know that, right?”

You move, pressing your nose against his glass and look deep into the many pixels glistening along his screen, feeling the static wrap around your nose and plant a faint kiss of sensation there. Sometimes, you wonder if he can control it.

“Of course I do. You mean…”

He stills for a moment, basking in the sensation of your embrace, letting it engulf him and swallow his electric heart entirely. He could see the love in your eyes, your words, your actions… it sent him over the moon and seemed to drown out any fears he felt before. They melted away against your warmth.

“…the world to me.”

You pull back and look at him fully, a smile on your face. Even now, late into the hours of the night, still wrapped in lethargy, he can make your heart swell with so much love it almost frightens you.

“You want me to take you in there,” you nod to your bedroom, “and let you lay with me for the rest of the night?”

He chuckles. Your face, illuminated by his soft green light, shot sparks of pure energy through him. In moments like these, it feels as though he had tapped into every power grid on earth and was being fed its electricity ten times over. You have some sort of uncanny, inhuman effect on him. Are you truly an angel brought to life? He may never know.

“Would I ever say no to that? Be honest.”

And, your gentle laughter felt like the purest form of love had finally found him after all these years of searching.

“You’re right… cmon, let’s go to bed.”

[call-me-strega]

How to Become a Step-Dad in 5 Easy Steps: ch.3/5 of p.2

First, prev, next, lore, ao3

OK SO- I’ve been working on this for months and I was actually supposed to have it done like a month ago but my parents took me on the last minute vacation to another country to visit family and I didn’t have access to my laptop most of the time. But it’s okay bc the timing worked out! I wrote most of this on my phone actually and I’m posting it from there too so I hope the formatting isn’t weird. Our flight back is tonight and we’re in a different time zone so I really hope this is going up at the correct time. Anyways I tried to make this chapter longer so I hope it’s worth it. Thanks for sticking around to read this and I’ll let you start now.

-Strega p.s Happy 4th of July!

~~~

Chapter description:

Danny and Jason comfort each other after a rough night, Jason teams up with Duke to stop a villain, and Jason spends the 4th of July with the Nightingales.

~~~

Everything was hot. Someone was laughing. Someone was crying. It's all too loud but he can't hear a thing. It was so hot. He could taste the bitterness in the air. His face ached. It's too much. All the textures overwhelm him but he can’t feel a thing. It was too hot. All he can see is rows of black upon gray, but he can't really see anything at all. He couldn’t- he couldn’t breathe. His forehead was wet and sticky. Why was it wet and sticky? Why was it so goddamn hot?!

With a desperate gasp for air, Jason launched up into a sitting position on his bed. He supported his body with one hand and the other pushing back his white, sweat-soaked fringes out of his eyes. He sat there for a few moments, just panting, trying to regain some semblance of control over his breathing. He felt a warm sweat drip down his face and back. It made his skin crawl.

He looked around his dark room and then down at his messy sheets for a moment, before pulling off the blanket and flinging himself off the bed. He couldn't stand the idea of staying there a minute longer. Not right now.

He stalked out of his bedroom and into his living area. He didn't want to stay inside. The thought of being in an enclosed space right now gave him the hives, no matter how spacious the apartment might be. Even if it's bigger than a coffin. Even if it's smaller than a warehouse. He can't see the sky. He's closed in.

Instead, he pushes open his window and pulls himself out onto the fire escape. It's not particularly open, facing into an alley, but it offers privacy and is heaps better than being inside. He slumps down against the brick wall of the building, feet planted and knees bent. He looks up and takes a breath trying to calm himself. Even with all the smog and Gotham's perpetual cloud cover, Jason is grateful to see the sky. He half-wished it was a clear night so he could see the stars. The other half didn't. It didn't think he could handle seeing the stars peeking out through the smog. It would look too much like a night sky tainted with smoke and bad memories.

His mouth felt dry as he clenched and stretched his hands. He almost wished for a cigarette or a joint, (no he didn't, he didn't want to see the smoke, to feel the heat of the slow burn) but the thought made his lungs constrict and he felt bile rise in his throat. Instead, he alternated between closing his eyes and taking several deep breaths, and gazing at the lights and laundry lines. Even in the sticky city heat of a Gotham summer Jason shuddered from the cool night air.

Suddenly, he heard metal creaking and his eyes snapped open. His head jerked to the side where the sound had come from. A few feet away, on the adjacent fire escape, stood a figure slumped over the rail. They must have also sensed his presence because they turned to meet Jason's gaze.

Before him stood a haggard Danny Nightingale with dark circles under his eyes and a head of bed hair. He wore an old worn-out shirt for a band called Dumpty Humpty, and a pair of basketball shorts that came down to his knees. Faintly, Jason could make out a faded scar on his calf. (Not that Jason had been staring at his legs or anything!) Jason soon became aware of Danny's own eyes assessing him as well. He felt his face heat up and was grateful that he slept in sweats and a white tank tonight.

And the two of them stayed there for a while, on their fire escapes. Two souls in the haunted hours before morning, looking worse for wear, just staring at each other as the world continued on around them.

Then, Danny weakly gave Jason a wry grin and in a rough voice he said,

" Hey, neighbor."

" Hey," Jason replied hoarsely, with a small grin forming on his face. "Funny running into you here, huh?"

There was a brief pause where the two continued to stare at each other, suppressing the quickly growing urge to laugh.

Danny broke first.

" Pffffffft, you dork!"

The two of them burst out laughing and the atmosphere grew lighter. The ever-present smog and darkness seemed to lift and the shadows haunting them seemed to fade.

Danny bubbled up with giggles that rang in Jason’s ear like a familiar song coming on on the radio. Jason looked at him softly in quiet wonderment. Well, I guess that’s where Ellie got her laugh from.

Jason heaved himself off the ground and walked over to the railing closest to Danny, who was just coming down from his high. He leaned over, one arm on the railing and the other coming up to support his jaw. He gave Danny a tired smile.

“Hey,” he said once more.

“Hey yourself,” came Danny’s soft reply.

Then the two, now standing closer, took a moment to examine each other once more. Danny took note of Jason’s sweat and unsteadiness. Jason could now see that Danny’s hands shook lightly and were covered in faded, barely-there scars. They met each other’s eyes and both just felt like the other understood.

Tonight hadn’t been a good night for either of them. But they didn’t need to talk about it right now. No, for now the two could just bask in each others presence The air filling with a certain solidarity and what felt like a near-tangible sense of mutual comfort.

Jason turned away first, observing the way light and shadow danced across alley walls and how the clothes on clotheslines fluttered in the night breeze. Danny followed his gaze in suit, trying to identify what Jason saw out in the city.

“ Ya know for being such a hell-hole Gotham really does have a subtle beauty to it.”

Jason turned to look a Danny with mock offense.

“Hey! Gotham may be a hell-hole but it’s our hell-hole! Just ask any true Gothamite, the city has a way sinking itself into ya.”

Danny looked almost amused by this statement, but nodded in understanding.

“Yeah, I think I kinda get it. It really sucked back home, but it was still home, ya know? And I agree, Gotham does have her ways of making you feel like she’s a part of you. We’ve only been here bout a month or so but I already feel like Ell and I are well on our way to become city slickers through and through.”

Jason chuckled, shaking his head and bringing his arm down to stand up straight. He decide to pursue the opening Danny had left.

“Speaking of Ell, she the reason your up so late?”

“Naw,” Danny’s smile grew a bit strained. “My little spitfire may have a lotta energy but the girl sleeps like the dead.” He grew a more subdued, looking down at his hands.

“Nah, this was something else.”

“Nightmare?” He probed gently.

Danny nodded.

Taking a breath, Jason said “Me too,” in a show of vulnerability that he found came surprisingly easy. Danny glanced at him sympathetically.

“You wanna talk about it?”

“Kinda, but at the same time not really?”

Danny nodded as if he understood perfectly. Once more a comfortable silence overtook they began to shift closer. Even with the space between their fire escapes they felt impossibly close.

Danny interrupted the quiet with a light chuckle and Jason returned him a questioning glance. Danny shook his head,

“ Nothing I just think it’s kinda ironic we both came out to our fire escapes to escape our bad dreams.” He paused as his face clouded with confusion. “ Or at least I think it’s irony? Would you call it irony?”

“I think it might actually be symbolism but fuck if I know. I don’t have the mental capacity to figure which literary devices apply to our situation right now but remind me to come back to it later.”

Danny hummed in amusement before taking a deep breath.

“ I think I wanna talk about it.”

“Hmm?” Jason raised an eyebrow

“ I think I wanna talk about my dream.”

In a split second Jason makes a impulsive decision.

“Hold on,” he says, before climbing over the railing and extending his foot over to reach Danny’s fire escape.

“ What are you doing, ya maniac?!” Danny asked incredulously at Jason’s actions.

Jason stepped over onto the fire escape and shrugged as he walked over to Danny, “This felt like something I should be close for.”

The startled man seemed to loosen up and sunk to sit on the platform with his back to the railing. Jason joined him on the floor. They sat shoulder to shoulder, Danny staring at his trembling hand, and Jason, staring at him. Jason hand crept towards Danny’s, gentle taking it and interlacing the fingers.

Danny’s head swiveled to look at him and Jason returned him a gentle look and a squeezed his hand reassuringly. Faintly, the young man smiled and squeezed back. He took a deep breath and began.

" So you remember how you found my groceries in an alley the other day?”

Jason nodded.

“ Yeah well, the reason I left them there was because some mugger tried to kidnap Ellie. I ditched the groceries to grab her and get home.”

“ You did a smart thing,” Jason continued to nod as if he didn’t already know exactly what happened that day.

“ Mm I don’t doubt that, Ellie’s safety will always be my first priority. But the whole thing kinda brought up old fear. Some old … memories.”

A distant look grew on his face and Jason’s heart burned with sadness and anger for his friend.

“ The dream started out back in that alley. I had just pulled Ellie back into my arms but when I turned around it wasn’t the mugger standing there. It was Vlad.” Danny’s breath staggered before he continued.

“He started saying stuff about taking Ellie back since he’s the one who made her. The one who had wanted her originally, never mind that he’d lost interest after realizing she was a girl and not his perfect son. But he kept saying things about how he had more life experience and was better equipped to raise her. How he’d be able to do better than me and provide more for her. And for me, if I let him. I hated it. I hated him for leveraging his age and wealth to try to get into our lives again. I didn’t have many reservations about punching him in the face about it either.”

Danny tightened his grip around Jason’s hand. He squeezed back in what he hoped was a reassuring manner.

“I turned to leave but at the mouth the alley was a van. And not one of those stereotypical white vans they warn you kidnappers use. No. No, it was my parents’ van. They slid open the door and and I felt like I couldn’t move. I looked down and Ellie was gone. They-” the words started getting choked up in his throat. His eyes becoming glassy as he fought with his next words.

“ They wanted to take her too. They said they still loved me even though I was different and that they could fix me.” His voice grew frantic and shaky. “They thought they could ‘fix me’ but that Ellie’s existence was unnatural. That it’d be better if they took her and tried to raise in a ‘normal’ environment, especially if she showed signs of being unnatural too!”

Danny turned his face into Jason’s shoulder, trying to fight back tears.

“ And I know they don’t actually think like that- that I need to be fixed, at least not anymore. But, the idea that they’d try to take her from me? Raise her better than I could? It tore me up inside. How could they want to raise her when the barely raised me and my sister? When my sister raised me more than they did? How could I trust them not to get her involved in experiments when they still store chemical samples the same fridge as our food? How could I trust them when I told them I didn’t want to be around Vlad and they still let him into our house? Because ‘We’ve know good ol’ Vladdie since college! Nothing to worry about with him!’ even though I told them I-!”

He paused trying to catch his breath. Jason lifted his other arm to wrap around the crying young man, tucking him under his chin. Danny shifted, now shuddering into his chest. Jason could feel the Pits ignite a fire in soul. His blood boiled and a voice cried out for blood in recompense for his friend’s pain.

‘What type of shitty parents-! No. Later’ he tried to reign in the voice. ‘Being here for him now is more important.’ He held the other even closer.

Finally, Danny calmed himself enough to continue, “ I know they don’t think that now. I know that they love me and, and Ellie too- and I still love them too and I know that they want to be better. But they just don’t get it. That there’s a lot of reasons I don’t want to be around them anymore. Reasons I don’t bring Ellie around if I can help it. Even though it was just a dream I couldn’t handle the idea that they- that anyone might try to take Ellie from me.”

Jason tilted his head slightly to press a soft, comforting, kiss on the top of Danny’s head. He rubbed small circles on his back and murmured gently in his ear,

“It’s okay Danny. It’s okay to be mad and upset and scared. From the sounds of it you have ever right to be. It’s okay for you to worry. I have a friend ya know. He’s a recovered addict, started getting extra serious about staying sober when his ex dropped a daughter off on his doorstep because he was worried at every turn that if he slipped up or relapsed someone would take her away. I know that it’s not the same but I think every parent is entitled to worrying over losing their kid. And it sounds like your own parents haven’t done you too many favors in minimizing the worry. But you don’t have to hold yourself back from being afraid. You’re allowed to be afraid, or upset or whatever else you might be feeling.”

He finally let go of Danny’s hand in order to hold him properly, once again shifting their positions. Now, they sat perpendicularly, with Danny partway into his lap, pressed against his chest. After a while Danny wiped his tears, whispering out a thanks to Jason and allowed himself to be comforted.

They sat in delicate silence until Jason finally worked up the nerve to speak.

“So you probably know who I am right?”

Danny lifted his head from Jason’s chest to give him a confused eyebrow raise. “Yeah I think I’d know whose lap I’m on right now?”

“Not like that,” Jason blushed. “ I mean since you asked about volunteering you must know who I am in a larger context right?”

“ You mean do I know you’re beloved Gotham celebrity and non-profit worker: Jason Todd-Wayne? Because I do. I did research this city before moving here, believe it or not. Actually I remember seeing a bunch of articles about how one of Gotham’s beloved sons had returned home with your picture around that time?”

Jason touched the back of his neck, glancing away in embarrassment.

“Uh yeah that, so you’ve probably hear about my- uuh, ‘resurrection’, huh?”

Danny’s expression sobered up. His eyes darkened and his voice got all quiet, likely due to the serious nature of the discussion.

“Yeah, I did. The media claimed you had been in a kidnapping turned terrorist attack slash hostage situation? And that you had managed to survive and were taken in by family who help you recover and reconnect with your dad once you were ready?” Danny recounted the cover story they’d given to the public. There was something in his tone that made Jason think there was more he wasn’t mentioning but it was likely all speculation or more sensitive details.

“Was-… was that what your dream was about?”

Jason bowed his head into Danny’s shoulder, not having it in him to say it to his face.

“Yeah,” he mumbled. “It was.”

“Oh.”

Now it was Danny’s turn to hold Jason tight, one arm one his back and the other coming up to pet his hair, gently pressing the larger man further into his shoulder. It felt like something cracked open inside him. Suddenly, words came tumbling out before he could even think about them.

“ I was back in that warehouse. Laying on the ground, injured. I could hear someone crying. And- *gulp* -and his laughter before the explosion. It was … so hot. And when I woke up I couldn’t stand the thought of being trapped inside. The same way I was trapped … during some of the worst moments of my life. And I know I’m not there anymore but I’m still terrified by the memory! Sometimes I still get scared the man who took me the first time will find me again and I just-!”

He choked on a sob as Danny held him even tighter, as if trying to melt him into his skin.

“I just hated feeling that way so much!” He whimpered.

“It’s okay Jay, I’m here big guy. You can let it out.”

And for the first time in a long while Jason allowed himself to cry freely, sobbing into his neighbor’s shoulder. Danny continued to stroke his hair, rocking gentle as one would when comforting a child. But maybe that sort of gentleness was what Jason needed.

Once he heard Jason’s sobs subside Danny took a deep breath and spoke.

“You know what?”

“What?” Jason asked lifting his head to gaze into Danny’s icy blue eyes.

“I’m kinda glad I ended up out here tonight. I mean the nightmare sucked but at least I got to be here for you.” He smiled softly, “I’m in your corner if you ever need me.”

Jason couldn’t help the soft smile that worked it’s way onto his face.

“Yeah, me too. I’ll be there if you ever need help, with anything: Ellie, Vlad, your parents, your groceries.”

Danny giggled at that last part, knowing Jason was sincere. With a sigh he rested his cheek on Jason’s chest. Jason reach down to hold his hand again and the two enjoyed the feeling of holding someone who held them back.

With a sigh, Danny lifted his gaze from their hands to Jason’s face. Jason gave him a closed-mouth smile, his eyes asking if something was wrong.

“It’s the 4th of July in a few days.” He stated.

“Yes, it is.” Jason said back.

“If it’s not too short notice, Ellie and I would love to have you over again. We were gonna have barbecue and ice cream and then come out here and see if we could catch the fireworks. She’d love it if you could join us, and … and, well I would too.”

Jason swore Danny was looking at him with the biggest, roundest, most earnest eyes he’d ever seen, save for his daughter’s.

“ I’ll be there.”

Danny flushed at his quick response.

“Don’t wanna check your schedule first?”

“Doesn’t matter. I didn’t have anything else planned so I’ll do my best to be there.” He made sure the shorter man’s eyes met his as he said his next words. “Besides, I like spending time with the two of you too.”

��His ears are pink, he’s just adorable.’ He thought to himself as Danny seemed brighten in a shy glow. He shifted in Jason’s lap, probably getting ready to get up when he did something that cause Jason to blue screen.

Danny tilted his head up planting a quick peck on his cheek before squeaking out a “see you then” and fleeing back into his apartment, leaving a wide-eyed Jason on the floor of his fire escape.

Jason sat there stunned, before a furious blush over took his face and decided to hurry back into his own apartment. The voice in his head came back to give its routine comments: ‘His lips are so soft, the stuff of dreams’

He somehow managed to blush even more violently. ‘Damn it’ he thought, shoving his head under his pillow, unable to tell whether he actually wanted to dream about Danny’s lips or not. ‘It’s actually embarrassing how worked I’m getting over a fleeting kiss on the cheek from a friend.’

~

~Bzzt~ “Calling for back up! Firefly decided to start his annual firework show early this year!” ~Bzzt~ Signal called through the emergency comms.

Jason cursed his luck, of course Firefly would attack just as he got off work! Now he might be late to dinner! He sighed and tried to look on the bright-side: If they dealt with this now that meant it was less likely for any of the other rouges to try anything later. Then, the comm crackled back to life.

~Bzzt~ “I could have got him by now but he keeps lightin’ more shit on fire! By the time I get the first fires under control and punch him in the face, he’s started 20 more! Normally I’d be able to handle it, but there’s a lot of civilians around right now and fires take priority. I just need someone to help me keep the guy down long enough to make the arrest.” ~Bzzt~

Jason started ducking through alleys trying to get to his near safe house in order to grab his gear. Hey called back to Duke over the comms.

“Signal, heard! I just got off work. See if you can herd him towards the Alley. It’ll give the Red Hood an excuse to show up and beat the shit outa him while you make sure nothing actually gets damaged. I’m heading to the safe house near the Catherine Johnson Rec Center. Try to get him at least two blocks away!”

~Bzzt~ “Heard!” ~Bzzt~

Jason tossed the comm to the side and started strapping into his body armor. He started fastening his helmet when felt something in the air change. Then the comms buzzed to life once more.

~Bzzt~ “Hood, I’ve got Firefly coming your way! He’s heading up Delancy Ave.!” ~Bzzt~

Hood readied his grapple on shot.

“Good, keep him there! I’ll see you in 5, Narrows!”

~Bzzt~ “On it! I’ll be waiting Alley!” ~Bzzt~

Jason swung through the rooftops, heading in the direction of the fires that kept spontaneously appearing and subsequently being extinguished.

When he arrived Hood found Signal split between stopping fires and engaging Firefly in combat. The madman was so absorbed in antagonizing Signal that he hadn’t noticed Hood’s approach. Signal was handling him pretty well but being unable to focus solely on the villain lowered his efficiency. Jason’s mind wandered back to his friend, who had wanted to see him tonight, and decided he’d end this quickly.

You see for all his bulk and bullheadedness Jason was still a highly trained and intelligent individual. Maintaining the element of surprise he approached in the shadows silently looking down from his perch on an adjacent building. He made subtle gestures for Signal to move the guy into place, which he returned with the slightest of nods. Signal moved Firefly over to the side of the building closest to Jason’s position. Jason got ready took make use of his high ground, tapping into what he learned from Dick.

With a deep breath Jason runs up and launches himself into a triple forward somersault, building up power and momentum. In midair he took account of his bearings, aiming his feet at Firefly’s back.

Firefly goes down like he’s been hit by a semi.

“AND THATS WHY YOU STAY OUTA THE ALLEY FUCKER!” Jason shouts, crouching over the rouge who was quickly losing consciousness. Even though it’d been his plan to lure him here Jason was still protective of what was his. And Crime Alley? Crime Alley was his territory.

He stands up and gives Signal a celebratory high five.

“Nice going, ya tank! I thought he’d never go down!”

“No problem, Dayshift! Nice work handling him, you’d have gotten him eventually. I just sped up the process.”

“Thanks Hood, I ‘preciate it.”

“Soooo, you good here oorrr…?”

“Yeah, I’ve got it. Get outa here before the cops show up and arrest you,” Signal dismissed him.

Jason gave him a quick, two-finger salute before running off to change before he was late to dinner.

~

Jason arrives at the Nightingales’ red faced and out of breath. His hair is a windswept mess and his clothes slightly messy from his quick change. He knocks on the door desperately trying to tame his hair and adjust his t-shirt and jeans.

Jason feels a burst of cool air as the door opens and he’s greeted by a smiling Danny and a surprised Ellie. He smiles at the two but Danny speaks before he’s got the chance.

“ Surprise! It’s Jason!” He says with some mild jazz hands.

To which seem to Ellie explode in glee. Jason swears she’s vibrating with how fast she’s bouncing.

“The secret surprise guest was Mr. Jason! Awesome!”

And just like that there is small child attached to his leg. He looks down at her, then up at Danny, who’s holding in laughter, then back at Ellie. Then he bursts out laughing. He bends down down to scoop the young girl up into his arms and she lets out a small “whoa!” Jason follows Danny into the apartment, Ellie resting on his hip.

“It’s nice to see you to princess!”

“Mr. Jason! You’re not wearing any red!”

“Huh?”

He looks down to see the young girl scrutinizing his plain white shirt and blue jeans and looks questioningly at Danny. The young man takes pity on him and explains.

“Ellie really wanted to wear red, white and blue for the 4th of July,” gesturing to his own outfit: a pair of blue jeans, a white shirt with a logo for a band called Fifth World Raga, and a lightweight red flannel wit the sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

“That’s right! I have a white skirt and socks, and a blue top and tiara, and my cardigan, my sneakers and beanie are all red!” She showed off. Then she pointed at Jason.

“You’ve gotta white shirt and blue jeans but no red!” Then she gasped, “Oooooh! I have an idea! Wait here!” She said, scrambling off to her room.

Jason looked at Danny who smiled and shrugged helplessly in a “eh, whadda ya gonna do” sort a fashion. To which Jason just huffed in amusement.

That’s when Ellie rushed back in, holding something behind her back. She patted Jason’s thigh indicating for him to bend down, to which he obliged by crouching down to her level.

“Close your eyes!”

Jason shut his eyes. He felt something being placed around his neck and on his head.

“Open them!”

Jason found himself looking into a small purple hand held mirror. Ellie had placed a cheap red-beaded party necklace around his neck and a silver tiara with red gems on his head, one to match her own silver and blue one.

“I have lotsa tiaras so you can borrow this one so that you can have red! And you can even keep the necklace!”

Jason’s internal monologue nearly burst into tears. ‘She’s an angel! She’s bestowed such a wonderful gift Must. Protect. At All Costs!’

He heard Danny burst into laughter but focused his attention on the grinning girl in front of him.

“Thank you so much Princess! I love it! Just what I needed! I’m honored to receive such a thoughtful gift!

“Yeah Ellie, it looks great on him!” Danny chimed in between chuckles.

“That’s great daddy b’cause I found a white one for you! Now we can all match!”

Danny stopped laughing and Jason returned him a wicked grin.

“Yeah, your highness! We can all match! Besides, what’s a king without his crown!”

Danny sighed, placing the tiara on his head.

“Thanks Ell, I love it.”

“Your welcome daddy!”

“Alright, now go wash your hands for dinner!”

“Okay!”

And the girl scurried off to wash her hands. Jason grinned at the interaction. He waited till the girl was gone before turning to Danny.

“Looking good your highness,” he teased.

“Oh, hush you!” Danny flushed. “Come help me set the table. It’s not a traditional barbecue but I made some chili, hotdogs, veggie skewers, and some coleslaw. We’ve also got fruit salad and some soda pop in the fridge. Ellie wanted to do a homemade version of chili dogs and I had to insist on some fruits and veggies in there. Ancients knows she needs her nutrients! If you could be a dear and grab some plates off the drying rack that’d be great!”

“Of course, your highness! You had me at chili,” Jason said following Danny into the kitchen.

~

Later that evening after finishing up with dinner. Danny herded them all onto the fire escape with some frozen treats. Ellie had drumstick ice cream cone, Jason an ice cream bar, and Danny an orange popsicle.

“I don’t know if we’ll be able to see the fireworks from here but fingers crossed we do. Just don’t be too disappointed if you can’t see them alright Ell?” Danny told his daughter.

“It’s okay daddy! Even if I don’t see the fireworks I still have you and Mr. Jason and my ice cream!”

Jason and Danny looked at each other sharing the same thoughts: ‘She’s so precious!!!!’

Then the tell tale boom of fireworks started and the trio turned their attention to the sky. A streak of red danced across the sky before it burst into a shower of ruby colored sparks. Then came gold, and green and blue and white. One after another in a barrage of sound and color. And they were just able to see it above the end of the alley.

Ellie let out an awed “Whooooaaaa” as she watched the colors dance across the sky. She turned back to her dad tugging on his sleeve and point up at the sky. He chuckled, picking her up to give her a better view pointing at the sky with her saying, “Look at that one!”

It was near enough to make Jason’s own heart burst.

“Beautiful.”

“I know right!” Danny said, glancing back at him, talking about the fireworks. Silently, Jason thought about the way both of the Nightingales’ glossy black hair reflected the fireworks colors in their sheen.

Then Danny turned to hand his phone to Jason.

“Would you mind taking a picture of us?” He asked. “I never had many growing up and I want this to be something she’ll remember.” Looking back down at the child on his hip.

“Of course I can,” he said, taking the phone in his hand. “Smile!”

Jason looked down at the photo he snapped when he saw something that made his heart stall. It was a good photo, both Danny and Ellie smiling at the camera while the remains of a fireworks fell behind them in a shower of fading light. What stopped him in his tracks was the soft look on his own reflection in the window of the apartment staring at Danny and Ellie.

And he realized, ‘Oh. I like Danny’

And he doesn’t know when he zoned out and missed Danny taking his phone back, but he zones right back in when two arms are thrown over his shoulders and suddenly he’s in a selfie sandwich. Both Nightingales press close, Ellie throwing up a peace sign while Danny snaps the photo.

The two laugh at his startled face and he can’t help the laugh that bursts out of him.

“Hey! I wanna redo!”

~

That night Jason tosses and turns in bed while his brain replays images of Danny: his smile, his lips, his laugh, the way he licks an ice pop. If he hadn’t realized earlier then he definitely knows now.

Jason Todd has an undeniable, unequivocal crush on Daniel Nightingale.

~~~ I tried with that fight scene but I don’t have a lotta experience there. I know this is a fluff fic so sorry to angst you but it’s necessary for hurt/comfort. Have some “Jason accepts his feelings” to make up for it. Sorry if it’s too clunky or dialogue heavy. I’m open to constructive criticism so let me know what you think.

Fifth World Raga is a real band in the DCU their a rock band and their music is described as quote “spiritual in nature” so I feel like it fit Danny’s vibe.

[robinsno1lesbian]

Have we thought about going down on neighbor!robin and finding out she isn't as quiet as you thought she'd be?

okay so i wrote this on my phone because i was out when i saw this ask and i just HAD TO.

anyway i’m too lazy to fix the format now so i better apologize for that beforehand! anyway, i hope you like this anon <3

(smut below the cut, MDNI)

you didn’t expect her to actually let you do this.

sure, you had been dying to do this but you had never found the courage to actually ask her or give any signals in regards to your little fantasy.

so when you start kissing down her bare body after she has made you cum, your release still warm against your inner thighs, you're surprised that she doesn't immediately pull you back by the hair.

instead, robin lays back and wiggles her shoulders to get more comfortable on her bed.

you raise your brows but choose not to mention it, too scared to let this opportunity go to waste.

you gently place your palm against her inner thigh, your eyes wide when you feel the warmth that awaits you between her legs.

she gets the hint and, with her eyes closed, spreads her legs a little wider for you.

you gasp quietly but quickly gain your composure back.

you slip your fingers under the waistline of her boxers and look up. robin is looking down at you with excitement in her eyes.

she nods once, but firmly and with certainty. she wants this and, oh, how you want it too.

you quickly get back to work and pull down her underwear, exposing her body to yours entirely.

of course, you have seen her naked before, but this is different.

you've never been this close to her, you've never had your mouth on her, never had the chance to taste her.

until now.

robin has her arms above her head and her breath comes in short, quick puffs.

her eyes are closed and her lips are curled up into a faint smile.

and then there's her body: bare and in all its glory for you to touch.

you inhale sharply while running your fingertips over her abs, down to where a faint line of hair leads to where she's wet and wanting for you.

"fuck" you breathe shakily and robin chuckles above you, her voice low and raspy.

your eyes shoot up, scared to find disapproval in robin's. but she is smiling at you sweetly.

this feels so different from all the other times you've shared with her.

you love her when she takes you rough and hard when her lips are searing and hungry for more.

yet this feels more intimate. you've never felt closer to the older woman.

she reaches out and strokes your face with a look of adoration.

"you gonna show me what that pretty mouth of yours can do?" she whispers and runs her thumb over our lower lip.

eager to obey, you nod and scoot down the bed to get comfortable laying between her legs.

suddenly, realization hits you that you have never actually gone down on someone.

you have, however, some experience on what you like yourself, from the countless times robin has put her mouth on you.

so you choose to make some use of that knowledge and start kissing up her legs.

pride swells in your chest when goosebumps rise beneath your lips and the woman shivers in anticipation.

"come on" she mumbles. "don't be a tease"

you take this as a sign, take a deep breath in and put your mouth on her.

you start with kitten-licks on her clit, like she does it whenever she's going down on you, before moving your tongue down to her dripping entrance and gathering her arousal on your tongue.

she tastes salty, quite similar to how you taste on her fingers and tongue, but with something that is entirely her own too.

you gasp at the first actual taste of her and her hand comes running up your forehead to hold your hair back and guide you.

you then press your flat tongue against her clit before wrapping your lips around it.

her body tenses and when you look up, she takes you by surprise: she parts her lips and moans. loud.

you have never heard her actually moan, especially not this loud.

you press your thighs together and grind down for friction when she does it again.

her voice still carries the familiar cracks with it, it's still low and raspy.

but there's something new to it, something desperate and unhinged. something you like.

you lean forward, hungry for more and bury your tongue between her wet folds.

her grip on your hair tightens ad you briefly notice her thighs clenching around your head. you wouldn't mind suffocating like this, between robin buckley's thighs and with a mouth full of pussy.

her body seems more tense too, while moans fall from her lips steadily.

"fuck, y/n, just like that" robin whispers huskily.

you grind down once again and moan when your center finds one of her many pillows to grind against while you're sucking on her clit.

she moans out loud at one particular harsh suck and then keeps a steady flow of moans all while you alternate between sucking and licking.

her fingers run through your hair as if to tell you that she's enjoying what you're doing to her but she is unable to form a proper sentence.

you notice how her voice is growing more high-pitched too, in ways you've never heard before.

she sounds so desperate, so wanting. and all that just for you.

it encourages you to slowly pick up the pace of your tongue, to grab her thighs and keep her open for you while you eat her out, until you're doing nothing but lapping at her.

robin doesn't mind one bit, of course. she has a hand holding onto the back of your head and guiding you while her hips are bucking up against her.

"you're- you're doing such a good job" she praises. "so fucking good, fuck"

your head is spinning from her praise, her touch, her taste.

it's so much and yet could never be enough.

robin's back arches up in a beautiful bend and her legs shake around our head like your own legs do whenever you're close to cumming.

it tells you everything you need to know.

"don't stop" she calls out from above. "don't stop, don't stop, god-"

you would not dare to stop now.

instead, you continue what you're doing, keep up the rhythm that seems to be working for her until you have her right on the edge, right where she wants you to take her.

and then you push her over the edge.

her fingers curl up in your hair and she moans beautifully while rolling her hips against your face and riding out her orgasm on your tongue.

she whispers sweet words of praise while moaning for you in ways that have you clenching around nothing for her and your grip on her thighs only tightens with each passing second.

her release tastes sweet on your tongue and you're happy to have finally given her what she has been giving you for the longest time.

you smile when she pulls you back up and kisses your lips sweetly, calling you a good girl and holding you close.

[pleasantangelpaper]

To Keep You Warm

so, there’s a lack of Remus Lupin fluff on here, and I need to fix that. So, here is a silly fluff oneshot about him <3 Also this is my first time writing like genuine fanfic so I hope it’s good! (Also ignore if my paragraphs are formatted weird, I wrote this on my phone)

Warnings: none :)

gender neutral! reader, Unspecified House! Reader

“Darling, would you like me to take you back to your dorm? you’re freezing” Remus Lupin whispered as he held y/n’s ice-like hand. The couple had been sitting in a cozy back corner of the Hogwarts library as Remus prepared for his D.A.D.A exam. It was a cold December afternoon as snow fell from the sky like salt from a shaker. Students drew shapes in the frosty windows as they got bored of studying and instead were dreaming of the winter break that would soon start. Remus’s lovely y/n sat by his side with their head rested on his shoulder as they read a muggle book called “Sense and Sensibility”. Remus’s eyes flickered over to his darling as they spoke,

“No, Rem, I’m fine, really, you need to study for your exams.” They spoke as they huddled closer to Remus inhaling the aroma of coffee and chocolate that seemed to swirl about him. Though they spoke with an air of confidence, Remus knew from their shivering that they would much rather be sitting in bed with a hot cup of tea than in the library, but it was a sacrifice they would make to be with him. Remus sighed and closed his book, a puff of dust from the desk below rose into the air. He gently tapped his partner so that he could push his chair out and begin to pack his things.

“Remus, what are you doing? Your exam is tomorrow. You need to study. I’ll be okay,”

He simply continued to put his books away as he grabbed their hand. Throwing his worn messenger bag over his shoulder, he gently pushed in his chair and ushered his partner to do the same. “Love, I already have made excellent marks in that class, but you will surely freeze if we are to stay here any longer.” He said with a tinge of worry and love in his voice. Y/n’s cheeks flushed at his remarks, and they quietly pushed their chair in as well and began to walk by his side. The couple walked through the corridors which were left empty due to the fact that most students were either huddled by the common room fires, or outside enjoying the winter weather. Noticing the guilt on his partner’s face, Remus let out a sigh and glanced at them, “You know I would do anything for you, dove.” “I know you would Mooney, but your grades are important, I don’t want you to fail out of the class you love the most just because I’m cold” Worry filled their voice as they stopped in their tracks. Tears prickled their eyes as they interlocked with Remus’s. He stopped and placed a slow kiss on their cheek. “Darling, I would fail every class if it meant I could keep you warm.” Y/n’s cheeks flushed a bright crimson red as they leant up and kissed Remus. His lips tasted like mocha with a hint of caramel, and warmth fell over the both of them as Remus pulled them closer, wrapping his arms around their waist. As they pulled away, Remus was now the one with flushed cheeks. The shy boy looked down at the ground, his hair flopping over his right eye. Y’n bent down to look into his eyes, and gently took his hand in theirs as they began walking to the Gryffindor commons once more.

The two walked in a comfortable silence together towards the Gryffindor common room, where their friends, James and Sirius, sat, bickering over something silly. “Sirius, you can’t catch a jumping frog in your mouth as it jumps, what if it tries to jump again while it’s in your mount??”

“ Yeah I can! Watch this!”

The boy caught the frog in his mouth and instantly spit it back out at James as it had tried to jump around in his mouth. The two continued their spat, until they noticed their friends’ entrance. “Mooney, why are you two back so early, I thought you were studying for your exam,” Sirius questioned, considering his best friend usually was quite the bookworm. The aforementioned boy simply continued to walk his lover to the grand red couch by the fire, “ y/n was cold,” he bluntly stated. The two other boys simply stared with their mouths agape. Their mooney was really head over heels for this person. James got up and awkwardly dragged a, still shocked, Sirius up to the boys dormitories as he muttered something about leaving the two alone. Y/n had turned a bright shade of fuchsia at the exchange. They laid their head on Remus and stared into the fire and wished that the moment could last forever.

[i-am-bella-donna]

The Infiltrators

Acegust 2024 Week 1: Found Family/Unconventional Format

AO3

Story Summary:

“Good evening! I’m Katie Killjoy.” “And I’m—” “Shut the fuck up, Tom. Breaking news: strange activity has been spotted at the Heaven Embassy!” A series of murders across Pentagram City had Sinners in hysterics, but residents of the Hazbin Hotel knew something about the situation was off. After all, nothing could ever be truly simple in Hell—especially not if Heaven had anything to say about it.

Pairings: Platonic Everything

Word Count: 2,266

CONTENT WARNINGS: CHARACTER DEATH, MURDER

A/N: I wrote this for Acegust 2024 on r/AO3. Frankly, I am very proud of how this story turned out, as I was experimenting with the format and had no idea what to expect.

~~~

August 8th, 17:02 Server: Pentagram City Energy

Pentagram City is offline.

~~~

August 8th, 17:43 Group Chat: Hazbin Hotel Residents!!!

Angel Dust Damn. Why was the power out for so long this time? Vox usually has the city back up and running in ten minutes.

Charlie Where is everyone?!

Angel Dust Husk and I are in the kitchen. Why?

Vaggie In the lobby. What’s going on?

Husk Kitchen.

Niffty Alastor and I are cleaning the basement!

Angel Dust We have a basement?

Charlie All of you need to stay in the Hotel until further notice. I promise I’ll explain when I get home. Don’t go outside. No matter what.

Angel Dust Can we go in the basement?

~~~

August 8th, 18:30 Transcript: 666 Evening News

“Good evening! I’m Katie Killjoy.”

“And I’m—”

“Shut the fuck up, Tom. Breaking news: strange activity has been spotted at the Heaven Embassy!”

“During today’s blackout, the spire of the tower lit up and sent several beacons of golden light into the sky. While many believe this incident was a prank or hoax, eyewitnesses claim that the light was angelic in nature.”

“Well, Tom—either several people are lying, or Heaven is up to some shady shit, as usual! No activity has been spotted since, but we urge all of you to keep your eyes open. Coming up—Mr. Vox shares the source of the longest blackout this year, right after this commercial break!”

~~~

August 8th, 21:23 Private Chat: Lucifer and Vaggie

Lucifer I just got off the phone with Charlie. Are you all okay?

Vaggie We brought out our angelic weapons and put the Hotel into lockdown. Do you know what’s going on?

Lucifer I know as much as you do. Heaven is basically useless right now. When I spoke to Sera, she politely told me it was not her problem and not-so-politely told me to go fuck myself. Which was practically an answer itself. Whatever is happening, she’s definitely involved.

Vaggie Have you heard from Emily?

Lucifer Silence.

Vaggie Security cameras around the city should be hooked to backup generators. Can you convince Vox to give you the footage? Charlie was the only one of us who was close enough to see the flare. Maybe the tapes caught something she missed.

Lucifer Vox. Is that the overlord Alastor hates?

Vaggie Yeah.

Lucifer In that case, absolutely! I’ll call him tomorrow morning.

Vaggie Sir? Do you think the flare could have been a false alarm?

Lucifer I hope so, Kiddo. But maybe you all should stay at the palace for a few nights. Just in case.

~~~

August 9th, 00:19 Group Chat: Unofficial Vee Communication Channel

Vox Something is wrong.

Velvette I’m glad you finally noticed. Don’t worry, we can burn that disgusting suit and replace it with something better. Something that inspires obedience and respect.

Valentino And something more sexy.

Velvette Anything would be more sexy than those rags.

Vox What?

Velvette What?

Valentino What?

Vox I was talking about today’s blackout. But what’s wrong with my suit?

Velvette Another time, darling. What’s happening right now?

Valentino I thought everything was fixed. On the news, you blamed the blackout on some drunk imps and said you took care of them.

Velvette You watch the news?

Vox Obviously, I lied! As far as I know, the city went dark for no reason.

Valentino Then how did you fix it?

Vox That’s the thing. I didn’t.

~~~

August 9th, 03:34 Private Chat: Husk and Vaggie

Husk You wanna talk about it?

Vaggie Is it that obvious?

Husk Yep. You’re a horrible liar.

Vaggie Why are you texting me? We’re in the same room.

Husk The others are all asleep, and I don’t think either of us wants to wake someone up. Or worse—get Alastor’s attention. Nice deflection, by the way.

Vaggie Fair enough.

Husk What’s up?

Vaggie I can’t figure out what Heaven is planning. The only reason we held our ground on Extermination Day is because we were prepared. If we can’t figure out what will happen, we can’t do anything to stop it.

Husk I understand. But Heaven hasn’t initiated anything yet. We still have time. And now, we have Lucifer on our side from the get-go. If any more angels come to Hell, we’ll be there to make sure it lives up to its name.

Vaggie But that’s just it. What if angels aren’t coming to Hell?

Husk What do you mean?

Vaggie What if they’re already here?

~~~

August 9th, 03:36 Search History of User: Velvette

Footage of angels Footage of exterminators What do exterminators look like without masks How to kill an angel How to survive an angel How to hide from an angel

~~~

August 9th, 03:36 Private Chat: Husk and Vaggie

Husk Do you really think angels could be that subtle?

Vaggie I hid myself down here for years. No one noticed.

Husk Let’s go with that.

Vaggie I’m going to pretend that was sincere. But without their masks, most angels look like any other demon. I might be bad at lying, but most of the Exorcists aren’t.

Husk You think Heaven is infiltrating Hell?

Vaggie I think Heaven is capable of more bad than people realize.

Husk True. The Extermination itself is proof of that.

Vaggie But it doesn’t even stop there. Heaven values perfection, so they eliminate Cherubs who make mistakes. They wipe the memory of new souls when they arrive. No one remembers their family or friends. And some angels do shitty things behind closed doors, only for the leaders of Heaven to turn a blind eye. On the surface, it looks perfect, but Heaven is so much more fucked up than everyone realizes.

Husk Do you think Exorcists would willingly come down to Hell for this? Outside of an Extermination?

Vaggie If they had the chance to kill Sinners? I think most of them would.

~~~

August 9th, 03:38 Search History of User: Velvette

Good places to hide Can you survive a fall from Vee tower How to remove air vents How to remove ceiling tiles Where do you go when you die in Hell Vox Vox please Help me

User: Velvette is offline.

~~~

August 9th, 05:20 Group Chat: Hazbin Hotel Residents!!!

Angel Dust Bad news: I still have work today. Just letting you all know before I leave.

Lucifer I can portal you there, if you’d like!

Angel Dust Normally, I’d be polite and say no, but I’m desperate. Also, how and why are you awake right now?

Lucifer Counterpoint, why are you awake right now?

Angel Dust I have work. What’s your excuse?

Lucifer I’m the Devil. I don’t have nightmares. I am one. In what world would I possibly need sleep?

Angel Dust Terrifying, but fair enough.

Charlie Stay safe today, Angel!

Angel Dust I will, Toots.

Charlie And if you can, keep your phone with you.

Niffty Bye, Angel! Alastor said to give Vox a middle finger from him.

Angel Dust How the fuck does he even know what that means?

Lucifer Where is that stupid deer, anyway? If he’s in the kitchen, tell him to keep his disgusting claws out of my refrigerator! I don’t want his grubby hands in my pancake mix. Angel, message us when you need to come back. I’ll pick you up.

~~~

August 9th, 06:49 Transcript: Source Unknown

“Log four: this is Acting General Lute, leading the current mission into Hell. The first three targets have been eliminated. Our plan is now in action.”

~~~

August 9th, 08:08 Group Chat: Hazbin Hotel Residents!!!

Angel Dust So…change of plans. Can someone bring me back to the palace? Right now?

Niffty This is Alastor. Niffty is typing for me. I’m afraid our dear king is unable to assist you at the moment. However, if you are willing to wait a few minutes, I can come and retrieve you myself.

Angel Dust Fuck. Okay. Just hurry. Things over here are really fucked up. But on the bright side, you’ll definitely be entertained by it.

Niffty Interesting. I am on my way.

~~~

August 9th, 11:54 Article: Two Overlords Found DEAD!

This morning, overlord Missi Zilla of the Doomsday District was found dead in the backrooms of her largest club, Siren Song. An assistant reported finding angelic knives beside her body, although the wounds are inconsistent with suicide.

A few hours later, the overlord of social media, Velvette Vogue, was discovered dead in her kitchen.

“She was surrounded by blood, with an angelic spear still in her chest,” said a Vee tower worker who has requested to remain anonymous. Investigators have ruled her death as foul play, and some have suggested that it may be linked to the erratic behavior of the Heaven embassy.

In possibly related news, the west side of Cannibal Town has experienced a series of similar murders, with residents found dead in their homes. The identity of the perpetrator is unknown.

At this time, overlords Vox, Valentino, and Rosie have declined to comment.

~~~

August 9th, 15:15 Transcript: 66.6 Radio Broadcast

“Salutations, dear listeners! My, my—we have quite the story today.

“For those of you who don’t know, beloved overlord Missi Zilla was recently found dead. Now, I would normally dismiss this incident as ordinary Hellish activity, but one of Vox’s better halves has been found dead as well. I’m nearly envious—getting away from Vox sounds like Heaven in and of itself! Minus the eternal boredom that comes with a second death, of course.

“And speaking of Vox, is it any wonder that the coward has refused to comment on the death of his so-called dear friend? Why, if I didn’t know any better, I’d suggest he took care of her himself! But that would require the bare modicum of effort, and we all know he has trouble with that.

“In fact, according to His Majesty, Vox hasn’t even mustered the effort to tell you all the truth! That blackout yesterday? Vox had nothing to do with it. He doesn’t even know what happened!

“Thus, I’d like to propose a new theory. The blackout, flare, and recent murders are too close to be a mere coincidence—and after investigations, Lucifer has determined that two angels used the chaos of yesterday to infiltrate Hell. Who else would go after not only overlords, but peaceful civilians whose only crime was defending their home on Extermination Day?

“So, Vox—how does it feel? You refused to share the truth, and now your protogeé is dead at the hands of the very monsters you kept hidden.

“What do you have to say to that, old friend?”

~~~

August 9th, 16:28 Private Chat: Angel Dust and Charlie

Angel Dust I think your dad might actually kill Alastor.

Charlie What makes you say that?

Angel Dust Just a gut feeling. Also, the giant fucking shockwave that he sent through the palace. How is Alastor still laughing right now? I’d be running for my life.

Charlie Fuck. I’ll talk to Dad. But I really wish Alastor hadn’t revealed the angels to Hell. Everyone was already panicking!

Angel Dust Yeah. Do you really think angels killed the overlords and Cannibal Town residents?

Charlie Honestly? I don’t know what to think. But two overlords were killed out of nowhere. And the only other people killed were the cannibals we fought with. Also, Dad and I can’t contact anyone from Heaven. It’s too big of a coincidence.

Angel Dust But Adam is already dead, so who do you think Heaven sent down here?

Charlie Vaggie said Lute would have jumped at the opportunity to kill more Sinners. But I’m not sure who the second person could be.

~~~

August 9th, 18:05 Transcript: Source Unknown

“Log six: this is Acting General Lute, leading the current mission into Hell. With the first stage of our plan underway, my companion and I are ready to enact the keystone.”

~~~

August 9th, 19:46 Group Chat: Carmine Family

Odette Mother, what is happening?

Clara Is that who I think it is? Mom?!

Carmilla I love you both. Okay? Do whatever it takes to get yourselves to safety. Find Zestial and have him contact Lucifer. Do not let this information die with me.

~~~

August 9th, 19:50 Group Chat: Hazbin Hotel Residents!!!

Vaggie Shit. Shit shit shit. I have some really bad news, but you might need to sit down.

Charlie What’s wrong?

Vaggie The angels are launching their next attack. They went for the Carmine family. Odette just sent me a video, and…well. See for yourself. AngelicInvaders.mov

Lucifer Wait.

Husk Is that—

Angel Dust HOLY SHIT!

Niffty Huh?

Charlie WHAT THE FUCK?!

~~~

August 9th, 20:00 Transcript: Source Unknown

“Log nine: this is Acting General Lute, leading the current mission into Hell. Our infiltration has been successful so far, and the destabilization of Hell is underway. By tomorrow, we should be—you’re already back?”

“Yes, ma’am. The children have escaped, but Miss Carmine is dead.”

“Good. She ran the black market of angelic arms. Without her, we should be able to take out the stronger overlords with no issue, starting with the Radio Demon.”

“The Radio Demon? He works at that Hotel, correct?”

“Exactly. If we can eliminate him, Hell will fall apart.”

“And with Hell dessstabilized, we will be able to take control once and for all!”

“Without their previous overlords, those demons will destroy themselves in no time. It may seem extreme, but this is the only way to guarantee that no more of those disgusting Sinners ascend to Heaven.”

“Demonic ascension—sssuch a ridiculous concept!”

“That’s right. Because these monsters around us? They’re nothing like you and I, Pentious. And we’re going to make sure they get the Hell they deserve.”

~~~

A/N: I wanted to use a different storytelling format. However, it is currently the middle of the night, and I lack the brainpower to tell whether I hit what I was aiming for (which was a mild horror comedy).

[trivialcrow]

hi crow!! i hope the rest of your year is less stressful and more relaxing<3

for the prompts, could you do jaydick + 3?

Thank you! Appreciate the prompt and the well-wishes. Things should be calming down. I have time off coming up for the holidays over the next couple months, at any rate. This is later than I meant - surprising no one, I’m sure. 😆 Apologies for any typos / weird formatting. I wrote it and am posting it from my phone between meetings.

The soft thud of boots against the cement rooftop tightened Jason’s chest and he swallowed. It wasn’t like he hadn’t expected Dick to hunt him down, but it didn’t make the coming conversation any easier. That Dick allowed him to hear his approach, gave Jason the opportunity to bolt, was just enough of a consolation to make Jason stay.

Without a word, Dick dropped onto the ledge beside him, feet dangling above the seventy-story drop, heels knocking against the side of the building. Jason waited, the knot of tension crawling from his chest to his throat, but Dick remained silent, his own gaze fixed out across the lights of the city.

Jason managed to hold out for another couple of minutes before the pressure escaped. “Did you want something?”

Dick didn’t bother responding, but the muscle flinch in his jaw said more than words. Jason sighed, the modulator in his helmet making the noise a mechanical rasp. “I’m sorry, okay,” he said. “I shouldn’t have just ghosted you like that, but -“ but god, he’d been in over his head and realized it too late.

“But?”

“Nothing. Forget it.”

“No.” Dick finally turned his head enough for Jason to meet the flat white lenses of the domino. “That’s not good enough.”

Jason laughed, hoping it sounded less hysterical than it felt. “Story of my life.”

“Oh, fuck off with the pity party,” Dick snapped. “If you wanted to end things, you should have just said so, instead of pulling your little vanishing act.”

And wasn’t that just the whole fucking problem? Jason didn’t want to end things. He needed to, absolutely could not let them continue, but he didn’t want it to be over.

When Jason didn’t offer a response, Dick sighed and dragged a hand through his hair. “Will you at least tell me what I did?” He asked. “I thought - things seemed good.”

Fuck. Dick was giving Jason the perfect out, shouldering the blame like he always did, even when the problem was so obviously Jason. But the sharp edge of resignation in Dick’s tone sliced too deep for Jason to let it stand. “You didn’t do anything, Dick. Things just ran their course.”

“Ran their course?” Dick’s laugh was bitter as he braced his hands against the roof and hopped to his feet. “Fine, then. I guess I got my answer.”

Jason cursed and followed him up, barely restraining himself from reaching out to grab Dick’s arm. “What do you want from me, Dick?”

Dick stopped, fists clenched at his side. He opened his mouth, then seemed to decide against it as he clenched his jaw. “Something you’re not willing to give,” he muttered, low enough that Jason wondered if it’d been meant for him hear. “Don’t worry about it. It’s my problem, not yours.”

Jason’s heart thudded in his chest at the words, a flutter of something too much like hope threatening to choke him. “Wait.”

Dick hesitated, but Jason recognized the tight, thrumming tension in his muscles. Jason had one chance to get his next words right. So, of course, what came out of his mouth was, “you’re wrong.”

“Yeah,” Dick said. “About a lot of things, apparently. See you around, Hood.”

“Fuck, that’s not - Dick, just wait.”

Dick whirled on him, the movement so quick and violent that Jason half expected the crack of an escrima stick against his helmet. “What do you think I’ve been doing?” Dick said, stalking forward with all the lethal grace of a prowling cat. “All I’ve done is wait for you, Jason. And the longer I wait, the faster you run. I know what I want, Jason. Do you?”

Yes. Yes, he absolutely did know, and he was standing right in front of him. With more confidence than he felt, Jason yanked his helmet off, crossed the last few feet between them, and dragged Dick into a harsh, desperate kiss. Dick responded immediately, pushing against Jason, hands tangling into Jason’s hair and dragging him down, harder against him. Somewhere near their feet, Jason’s helmet clattered against the roof as he closed his hands around Dick’s hips and pulled him closer.

When the need to breathe forced them apart, Dick rested his forehead against Jason’s shoulder, his fingers still clinging tight. “You,” he breathed, the word a soft caress against Jason’s neck.

“What?”

“The answer to what I want from you Jason, is you. All of you.”

“Oh.” Jason shuddered at the words, burying his face in the soft waves of Dick’s hair. “You’ve always had me, Dickie. From the beginning.”

[felicitysmoaksx]

Rheese + Sarah pregnant and they're trying to keep it a secret but it accidently gets revealed in the middle of the ED

So this was supposed to be the first prompt in my 25 Advent Writing challenge. But I'm writing the first four or five days early because I think I'll be house-sitting for someone and won't have my computer with me. Just my iPad and phone so I won't be able to format things like I want. And so I wrote this and now I'm chomping at the bit, so excited in my seat to share it. So it's coming out early. Hope you don't mind @girlinlotsoffandoms! If you want you can send in another prompt. This is also slightly different than what you probably had in mind, but when this popped into my ask box, this is all I thought about. Well, this and a slight scene in my amnesia au. But ultimately, I went with my Voight Family Values au because my brain went to pain and angst. And this what if this takes place in Chapter 4 of Hold On, I Still Want You (Rating E, Minors DNI) and where this little drabble is set is below the read more if you're interested where this fits. Also TW: for inaccurate depictions of medical situations and a miscarriage that does not happen, but still thought I should put a warning here.

"Connor, there's something else... It doesn't have to do with her wounds exactly, but..." Then Ava bit her lip as she trailed off. Hesitating before she handed him the iPad with Sarah's blood panels that were taken when she arrived in the ED pulled up.

"Her HBC levels are slightly elevated. And we both know what that means..."

"Sarah's pregnant?" Connor questioned, softly. His hand reached up as if to trace the proof that told him his lover was pregnant. Ava nodded, continuing to explain. "By my estimation with how elevated her levels are..."

"She's at least seven weeks along." He said slowly, doing his own math in his head before he handed the tablet back to Ava and ran his hands through his hair. The silence that filled the space was deafening because this was not how he was supposed to find out he was going to be a father.

With her in a hospital bed, a gunshot wound to the neck. She didn't even tell him. Instead, he had to learn this from Ava and a blood panel. Would she have even told him? Is this why she was acting weird yesterday and the day before? Did she know then? Was she trying to work up the courage to tell him then?

Ava nodded at his words. Then the female surgeon said quietly, "I know this isn't my business, but I'm assuming with how I found you and her two months ago, that the baby is yours-"

The baby had to be his. Sarah spent five nights out of the week with him, at his place. So he nodded and the blonde continued. "And that's the only reason I'm telling you anything about this and working this loophole with patient confidentiality. Because as soon as I knew about the pregnancy, I did an ultrasound. With the amount of blood lost and trauma, her body has gone through..."

Connor felt everything in his body seize and stiffen in the chair he was sitting in. Because he had heard the speech before. He had made it himself before. He had only just found out about this baby and now Ava was telling him he could potentially lose his lover and his baby both? His partner at work must've read his body language or seen the alarmed look on his face because she was quick to hold up her hands.

"They're both fine. Like I said before, it's almost like she had a shield in front of her because Sarah and your baby both are going to be okay." Ava reassured him. Instantly he could breathe again.

“Thank you,” Connor exhaled audibly and said in a sincere tone, “I know you really don’t care for trauma. But you helped her when I couldn’t.”

The blonde smirked at him, “We both know that you would’ve. If I hadn’t been there. Or at least tried.” 

It was after Ava left that Connor perched himself on Sarah's hospital bed. He ran a hand down her face in a gentle caress. Then his hand drifted down to her stomach to cradle their baby. Their baby. He pressed his lips to her forehead.

"Did you know baby? Were you nervous to tell me? Is that why you were acting weird these last few days?" He whispered in a soft, tender voice, "Or was it something else and you didn't even know yet?"

OB wasn't his specialty and he only handled a pregnancy if it came along with a trauma or it was another emergency situation. So he couldn't remember if the symptoms started this early in the pregnancy. "Are you waking up to a surprise too, baby?"

Another soft kiss was pressed to her forehead. "Either way, you don't have to worry Sarah. I'm here, baby. I'm not going anywhere."

He was texting Lindsay about her transfer when Ava walked into the room. “I’ve been in contact with Detective Lindsay.” At Connor’s look of confusion, the blonde woman continued, “She’s Sarah's emergency contact. She also has medical power of attorney. She has told me, I can share information with you about Sarah’s case.” “So how bad was it?” He asked, seeing her face and bracing for the worst. But to his relief, his partner in the field of sorts, held up her hands with the beginnings of a smile on her face. “She did really well, all things considered. We had to give her three more units of blood and one plasma. She got lucky, with the way the bullets went in, she might’ve been paralyzed or it could’ve hit her esophagus. We pulled out two bullets, but they never perforated her spine or went through her esophagus. It’s almost as if she had a shield in front of her.” Connor sighed heavily in relief and turned back to look at his lover. Though she was still pale, a little color had returned to her so her skin no longer looked translucent. She wore a neck brace, but that was just so she didn’t move her neck in her sleep if she became restless. Then his trauma surgeon's brain caught something. Last time he saw Sarah she was bagged and being attached to a ventilator. But now… He turned back to Ava, “You extubated her. She’s breathing on her own.” “I took a chance in recovery. She passed the breathing tests with flying colors, was protecting her airway, and her oxygen levels and CO2 stats were good so I took her breathing tube out.” The blonde explained with a shrug.

[theglitchywriterboi]

The Life And Times Of A Power Dealer

Issue Zero

AUTHORS NOTE: This is a really rough draft I wrote at like 7AM on no sleep & in a format I generally don't write in [first person kinda talking to the audience]. So apologies for any mistakes

I'm not a drug dealer per se… Yes, I do sell things that, to some, may be considered drugs due to the fact they do alter your physical &/or mental capabilities. And yes, the selling of these items may not technically be legal but… Okay, maybe I am a drug dealer.

But what I sell isn't traditional drugs. What I sell gives people… Abilities. Whatever power you want, I probably have on deck. & if I don't, for the right price, I can in a few days.

Superspeed? Obviously. Shape-shifting? You might as well ask if the supermarket has bottled water. Flying? Of course!

See, a few years ago - nine to be exact, about 6% of the population gained Superpowers. Some got only one, but were very powerful - like being so strong they’re able to fold a bus as if it were a piece of paper. Others got several, but were weak - like being able to blow bubbles & being able to float two inches off the floor. Not many people could do it sure [and given how rare powers were in general, may make people - especially kids, stunned], but not really useful, or flashy.

Of course there were others that varied. Some got one weak power - one guy I know can teleport. One inch at a time.

And before you think it’d somehow still be faster than walking, its not. Powers use energy - if you train enough its not super exerting, but when you teleport less than the average step, while simultaneously using up more energy than a step, it’s kinda pointless to train.

Then theres people with multiple strong powers. Super strength & being able to breathe fire. Or being able to control water & the ability to fly as high as you want.

Naturally, some non-powered individuals [and some with subpar powers] are upset they got the short end of the stick.

I can’t blame them to be fair.

So, thats where I come in.

I lucked out, having a few fairly overpowered abilities. The main two relevant for you to know right now though, are: Hyper intelligence, and being able to clone myself.

The government, both the new superpower branch & the normal branch, don’t like people having powers, so they try to keep it suppressed. Ironically, by hiring those with powers [because how can someone with no powers go up against someone who can turn your body inside out?

I make ability supplements. Any way you want them. Some want a patch, others want pills, the weird few want it to be powered - I really hope they’re making a “Super power drink” not snorting it, but once the sales done, it’s none of my business.

Cute story, one guy came in & he wanted a very specific order. Format was glitter, and you cant absorb the power through latex gloves, & once the glitter touches the ground [carpet or grass], it no longer has the power in it. He wanted two powers in it: The ability to fly about six feet off the ground & invincibility. Flying to last two hours & the invincibility to last two & a half hours. He got five doses to take home.

A few days later he comes back absolutely beaming. Turns out his kids [two daughters & a son] fell in love with the Peter Pan movie, so he & his husband dressed in their best Peter Pan outfits, and sprinkled the glitter - or Pixie dust as far as the kids know, on top of all their heads.

He showed me a video - while I wouldn’t recommend videoing yourself using my products [seeing as its a crime & you never know when a bootlicking superpowered motherfucker may somehow access your phone & see your video] it was very adorable. When he showed me he gave a big tip, which most usually don’t, especially after the fact.

Unfortunately, not all customers have such sweet intentions. But once again, after the sale is finalized, what they do is none of my business. Though since I’m still a small timer, there haven’t been any big crimes committed by the people who solicit my services. As far as I know at least.

Being able to clone yourself comes in all forms. Some have what I like to call “Instant spawn”. Basically, versions of themselves spawn near The Origin [the non-clone version] - surrounding a person they're going to attack, different parts of the room, whatever. Traditionally somewhere in proximity to The Origin, though it is incredibly rare for someone to make a clone in lets say Moscow while they're in Seattle. Possible, but again, rare.

Others have my favorite, “The walk out”. Basically the clones seemingly [or literally maybe] walk out of the The Origin. Generally those with that kind stand still while their clones walk out of The Origin but others like to be flashy, making their clones walk out as they walk/run.

The kind I have is… Okay. I call it the meditation method. I close my eyes, generally I sit crisscross or lay down, then my clones walk out of me. Similar to the previous method I suppose, but I have to have my eyes closed & if The Origin [myself in this case] is disturbed - whether I open my eyes voluntarily or I’m attacked, my clones snap out of existence.

I & most people who can clone themselves, retain all the information & memories that our clone went through.

Anyway, I should get onto telling the happenings of my life instead of rambling about powers [I will do more rambling, apologies in advance, but also… You read this & made an active choice to keep reading…].

It all started with an angry father. Different father than the cute story guy [and not his husband either].

[wheeboo]

hi raniaaaaa 💗

hers some soft hcs i have shua that i think u might like (some taken from my baking hc post but i mean.. i wrote it, so i think its okay?)

domestic shua hcs

BAKING w joshua

like it'd be so cute, he'd be so gentle

if u had hard time w mixing things, he'd take over and give u massage after

showers you w kisses after

cuddles while things in the oven 💗

what are ur thoughts, and what are ur hcs for this?

HI AMELIA HOPE U BEEN WELL LOVE <33 ok i absolutely had no idea how to format this so ill just put it in bullet points hehe also im no baker but i tried my best LOL

baking w him is sO DOMESTIC LIKE

imagine you both are huddled around one of your phones or this recipe book

and being so indecisive in choosing which thing to bake

when the two of finally decide on something, you read out the list of ingredients while joshua is grabbing them from the pantry like so fast

he's truly a master at following the recipes to a TEE he doesn't want to miss anything so he's rereading it every 5 seconds

somehow has all these baking tools and accessories just laying around and you didnt even notice???

OK BUT IMAGINE HAVING MATCHING COUPLE APRONS W HIM??? IT WOULD BE SO ADORABLE UGHHH

maybe you were pouring flour in the bowl and accidentally got some on your nose or face and didnt notice

and then when you look back at joshua he just has tHE MOST FOND AND LOVING SMILE TO HIS FACE when he sees the small patch of flour on your face

if its at the corner of your lips he'd caress it off w his finger

or if its on your nose he'd give it a little boop w his finger and wipe it off

oR if hes feeling particularly mischevious he wouldnt say anything, only having a hard time suppressing his chuckles

"what? why are you laughing? is there something on my face?" you ask him

"hmm, no there's nothing on your face, sweetheart" (there is, and you dont notice it until a few mins later when you look at yourself on your phone)

then you put some flour on HIS face as payback HEHEHE

imagine mixing the bowl and he just comes up from behind and just ... backhugs you FML

yes joshua = backhugs and no one can convince me otherwise. he is the king of backhugs

places kisses to the back of your neck and rests his head on your shoulder as he watches you whisk away

if he sees you struggling to mix he'd definitely offer to take over everything. and if you insist he'd just be like "just relax, love. i got this"

totally did not just imagine him randomly flexing his arm muscles as i wrote that

"let me takeover, baby. you're going to hurt your hands"

he would def gently massage your hands right afterwards too :(( n gives lil kisses to your knuckles and saying how he doesn't like seeing you hurt

ugh cuddles while waiting for the oven to ding is the BEST part of this entire thing i swear

like after taking off the mitts and aprons he just grabs your hand and pulls you in the direction of the couch, bringing you into his arms as he falls back on the cushion and showers you with a bunch of kisses to your face and already planning for your next baking/cooking session together

"hmm maybe we should cook/bake THIS next..."

melting in his embrace is just the best feeling honestly :((

there's always a touch of magic after cooking/baking w him that just makes the food even better tbh

[imraespace]

omg hi pookei im like Alive. and like YOURE ALIVE TOO OMG IHIHIHIHI I LOVE THE NEW THEME BTW I LOWK GOT JUMPSCARED THIS BC I WAS TWEAKING ON WHETHER OR NOT IT WAS U BUT ANYWAS HOW AREYOU mueheuheh i missed you

So. I did fail my history test. WELL IT WAS LIKE BORDERLINE FAIL I GOT …. 33/50 on the multiple choice part and the written part id assume i did horrible as well ……… BUT some ppl did worse than me so ITS OKAY I THINK MY PARENTS DONT CARE THEY SAID JUSt do better on the next one

LIKE OKAY STORYTIME BUT ITS NOT REALLY A STORY it was like the night before the test and i was studying and i realized holy flip how am i gonna memorize all of this and i already studied like yesterday and the day before but i was TWEAKING and i was like ok lets go on tiktok and i remembered oh i havent visited this one account recently let me go check. Tell me why they posted that their sibling died. LIKE I HAVENT ACTUALLY INTERACTED W THEM LIKE EVER BUT IM JUST LIKE WHAT. BC IT WAS SO SUDDEN YKWIM and i got sad over it and i was like on the verge of tears but then my dad came into my room and he gave me water and i didnt wanna look at him or id start sobbing but then he started staring at me so then i acc sobbed my eyes out and i blamed it on my history test and he started teaching me about whatever i had to study

after my history test i was lowk grieving the death of who it was but i was so confused on why i was affected BC I LITERALLY DONT KNOW THEM THEY DONT KNOW ME AND I LEGIT NEVER INTERACTED W THEM EITHER SO I WAS LIKE HUH but i feel a little better now i hope that the person who posted about it is okay tho ☹️

umumumumu Nothing has been happening other thna me rotting on my phone and avoiding history and some of my other subjects hw……… will be crying bc i actually have to lock in today

OH YESTERDAY I WENT TO THE MALL WITH MY PARENTS TO BUY JACKETS WHY THE HELL WAS EVERYTHING 250+??? LIKE OK I GET IT JACKETS ARE PROBABLY HARD TO MAKE OR WHATEVER AND THE SUPPLIES FOR IT YADADDADA BUT LIKE I SWEAR JACKETS WERE 50 DOLLARS BEFORE. i told momi ill just freeze this winter and ran into indigo again to find bluelock manga even tho i got all the manga available here (1-14 i am desperately waiting for the sae manga i need him so bad but hes coming out feb 25 next year LIKE WHAT) i found episode nagi manga 1 and i… i bought it. it was. 20 dollars. there are 5 volumes. 20 x 5 assuming they stay the same price is 100. i did more calculations including manga all the way up the volume 31 of bluelock and the figures/plushies and tell me why my estimate price is basicallt 900 dollars on bluelock stuff within 3-4 years. im gomna be on the streets homeless with bluelock merch but its okay bc my glorious blue eyed kings itoshi sae and itoshi rin will be with me …..

IALSO WENT TO GO GET SUSHI WITH MY FRIEND YESTERDAY SO YAYAYYA it was all you can eat and best believe i ate everything like i am literallt kirby i inhaled the whole menu. when it came to desserts i got every flavour of ice cream + mousse cake so i got like …. 9 mousse cakes with different flavours ice cream plus deep fried banana with condense HELPME I THINK KMGONAN BE SICK LIKE THE SECOND I GOT HOME I RAN TO THE TOILET AND MY STOMACH WON THE BATTLE I DIDNT.

OKAYAYA DAILY QUESTION TIME BC I ACTUALLT HAVE NOTHJGN ELSE TO SAY

UMUMUM which bllk character would eat everything at a buffet like they would lick all the plates clean.

- 🐙

HAI POA9AKIE HRUUU IM DYING MY HAIR IS MESSY AND UTS AO HOT I REGRWT WALKING WITH MY JACKET TODAY

HELOMEE EVERYONE GOT SCARED maybe next time I should say something..🤫🤫

I MISSED YOU TOO HRUU?!?!?

oh well.. I partly passed my accounts test bc apparently I wrote the wrong formate even tho she gave us it so😂😂😂😐😒😒😒 we're twinning!!

HELP SAME WITH MINE unless it's like.. end of term if I do bad ill get the talk yk last time I got it I was so scared my mommy is so scary when it comes to school but then she was like open the chocolate for me please! IN YBE MIDDLE OF THE TALK? she gave me chocolate tho so hehehehehe

idek how to study for history I don't think I ever passed it when I used to do it

HELPAME WHAT I also go on tiktok for studying as well I have a collection or whatever you call it

aw that's understandable to cry when you're frustrated I hate that sm BUT THATS SO CUTE my mommy is just like girl idk ask google! (im joking kinda)

oh. idk how much that is in tt and rn.. it's too hot for me to think so.. 😨😨😨

omgw please giveme the winter it's so hot IT SOS HOT SOSOSOSOS HELPPME I CANT FOXJS IN CLASS ITS THE rainy season AND NOT ONE DROP OF RAIN HAS FELL I wanna experience snow as well heheheheheh

there's no bllk mangas here.. only kny here n spy x family hrhehe i might buy jt

I'm giggling the calculating is so me with my money it's okay ill find you on the streets and take you in!!

ALSO.PMG SUSHIII MY FRIEND HATES SUSHI AND ONE TOO SCARES RO TRY IT LIKE WHAT?

omf I would be kirby as well fr I barely eat sushi if it's infront if my face I will yum yum it

OMG? I WNAT THAT OAMSHSH

HELP oh nvm good luck popo

ERM THE ANSWER IS ME I'm in bllk today

[love-beyond-space-war]

Actually yes! Was wondering if you could write a reader who has a daughter-father-like relationship with Siris and therefore is part of the mercs team, but never knew Felix and locus til the thing with Lozano?

Maybe Felix is just taken aback or sm

Sorry if it's worded weirdly

It's worded a bit weird but I hope it's okay that I did HCs to try and figure this one out? I hope you enjoy nonetheless even if I didn't get it quite right. I mostly made this to throw my thoughts down on what you gave me but I could probably make it a short story in the future if you give me a plot to work with :D I never wrote regular relationship HCs with him in the past so I struggled at it but I think I got something tangible down lol! I just wanted to do HCs because I don't do those much on here ^^; but let me know if you wanted anything else.

Felix x Siris' Adopted Daughter! Reader HCs

Synopsis: Some HCs of Felix meeting the daughter of the bounty hunter who brought him and Locus together.

Content Warnings: Romantic/Platonic Pairing, Female Reader/Male Character, Platonic Siris x Reader mentioned, Canon-typical violence, Overprotective father, Formatting weird as I wrote this on PC.

As you said, you wouldn’t have met Felix or Locus until after the mission Siris gave them.

In terms of your backstory you are the adopted daughter of Siris since you said the reader has a “father/daughter-like” relationship.

You’re about 18 and were taken in by Siris and his wife.

We don’t know the amount of time that passed between the Club mission and Chorus so I imagine you could’ve met Felix between then.

It may be by chance or the two still have some sort of connection to Siris. 

Either way, Felix would be intrigued by the fact Siris, an employer of his, has a daughter.

He knows the guy has a family and all, like a wife, but had no idea he had a daughter.

He’ll admit you do look a bit pretty.

I personally feel Felix is a huge flirt/attempts to be a ladies man?

Regardless of your origins he'd be all about trying to win you over.

He’s still sadistic, arrogant, and selfish but he does try to put on an act to fall into your favor.

There’s big issues I can see arising in this situation though.

For example, I doubt Siris wants the woman he sees like a daughter dating a mercenary he’s hired.

Let alone Felix of all people.

This scenario could also be seen as either platonic or romantic even though Felix would eventually try to make the relationship turn romantic.

I feel the only way Siris would trust Felix with you is if you often checked in with Siris and Felix did some sort of vow to take care of you or something.

Siris cares for family and knows how reckless Felix can be when it comes to certain things.

Felix was the one who offered to take a target as a ransom bargaining chip and that went horribly wrong.

Felix could be an okay friend for you, not the best but he’d try to look after you.

He’d keep an eye on you and be extra careful though because of two reasons.

He really does like and care for you an awful lot despite his selfish behavior.

Plus he doesn’t really want to get in trouble with Siris if anything happens to you.

Adds more work, yeah?

Even if Felix saw you as a friend he’s probably still playfully flirting with you.

Locus may find the thing Felix has for you annoying, then again anything Felix does tends to be annoying for Locus.

If you often travel with Felix then you call your father on the phone to let you know Felix is indeed taking care of you.

If you just stay home then Felix will call you to meet somewhere to talk or do whatever.

Felix likes the feeling of impressing you as it feeds a little into his yearning for power/praise.

When it comes to your connections with Siris I feel the most it would change is how hard it is for Felix to get close to you.

He has to deal with an overprotective dad and it doesn’t help that they have a past.

However another thing I think I can add is the fact you may also have experience in merc work.

Maybe Siris took you in by finding you through mercenary work?

If we add that into the story then you and Felix can have another way to connect.

Plus then Siris worries less about you, since he knows you can handle yourself.

Felix actually may get along better with a mercenary darling because then you two can actually do jobs together.

Felix is the sort of guy you mostly want to hate since he has that personality deep down, but I can see him trying to depict a better personality around you since he doesn’t want to ward you off.

Locus would be the one to keep Felix in check like usual.

He oversees the interactions between you two in case Siris ever tries to ask him about it.

For example, if Siris just wants you and Felix friends, Locus probably has to watch his two partners to make sure they aren’t doing anything.

Felix is definitely the type to tease and encourage a secret relationship behind your father’s back.

Essentially, Felix is your textbook bad influence.

I feel the dynamic of this relationship would be the type where it’s secret and hidden from your father.

Yet Felix would rather make his feelings for you known by everyone since he seems like he's a PDA person?

Either way, I feel any sort of companionship with Felix while connected to Siris may be problematic.

Yet if you both trust and love each other, I can see Siris breaking down and allowing it.

However, Felix will be a dead man if you’re ever hurt.

Especially by him.

[constanciandrea]

alternative continuation to @shugarezaissugar’s 𝙒𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙢𝙚

hi! i would just like to remind you that the angsty prompt and the original story doesn’t belong to me, but to the wonderful @shugarezaissugar! my rp partner and i actually decided to rp the continuation, privately, I hope it was okay! as per the original piece’s writer’s wishes, I’m going to post what my rp parntner and I had written so far. 

my partner wrote Shouto, and i wrote as an oc (I apologize if I went ahead and did it. fingers crossed that you like her even just a bit! x.x I just don’t know how to write this all in second POV since I’m quite new to writing in general! please bear with me, thank you! :)

this is my very first tumblr post, so please bear with the format! 

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

Shouto’s part: Written by my rp partner

It hadn't been that long since Shoto had stopped calling Aevi and leaving messages on her phone, knowing that she would never get them, that he was just talking to air. A voice that no longer led to the girl he had fallen in love with. He hadn't really moved on, but Shoto was getting better, his heart slowly healing. Meeting Anna had changed everything for him. She had been the person he needed to breathe life back into his soul, to reform his body from the shattered mess he was. She put back the pieces of his heart bit by bit until he was finally able to send one last voicemail telling Aevi goodbye, and that he loved her. He always would, but it was time for him to go now. Shoto had spent too much time pining for what he could no longer have, and his friends were right; it hadn't been healthy.

  It had been a couple months now since he finally let go and his relationship with Anna had flourished. Some of it, he knew, was because she resembled Aevi so much that it was, at times, easy to forget that she wasn't...and sometimes he felt guilty, thinking that his loss was the only reason he was interested in her to begin with. But, he also knew that this wasn't true. He fell for her in a way that was new and exciting, something totally unpredictable but not unwanted. And when he looked at Anna, his heart sang with that love, helping him heal a little more all the time. 

Today they were at a festival.  Some of their friends had invited the couple and honestly, Shoto was already considering going. It wasn't often that UA students got to get out of the school and go to a public event, especially 1-A with all the trouble they have gotten into over the years pretty much from day one. The weather was warm and everyone was laughing. There was food to be eaten and laughs to be had... Everything had been perfect for one tiny sliver of a day. But then it all just...twisted. Contorted into the nightmare that he was looking at now. Betrayal clear on his face as he looked into the eyes of the girl he had thought was dead for the past several months. Throwing out some trash from her food...Present Mic and Aizawa-sensi hot on her heels...until they laid eyes on him. 

"Someone want to tell me what the hell is going on...Aevi, is that really you?" His voice was deathly calm,  the type of tone that you tried to use when you knew you were about to break. The tone his own father used when he was in trouble as a child. Or when he was apprehending criminals. Aevi’s part: Written by Anri (me) With a skip in her step and a smile on her lips, a girl with dark hair's mellow brown eyes lit up with joy. Her eyes sparkled with mischievous glee and her hair swirled around in wild waves. As she skipped down the busy street of Shinjuku, her laughter rang out like music.

For Aevi, it was simply the perfect day. The best day in her life, so far. After all, it's her first time leaving the "orphanage" to go to visit the city, the festival at that, despite having lived in Shinjuku for eight months already. She simply wasn't allowed to go out because it was dangerous. Especially for her. No, not Aevi.

It wasn't as if her teachers don't understand her desire to go out and see the world for herself again, she had no memories of anything, after all. But they were genuinely worried about the potential chaos that her quirk would cause. Try as she might to convince them otherwise that she would definitely behave, Aevi knew deep down that their concerns were valid. 

Her teachers would watch as the poor girl glumly stared out at the window, dreaming with *such* want, desire in her eyes to be able to use her wings to fly freely in the outside world. That's why when Aevi spent literally months trying to win over her teachers, giving them little handmade gifts - sweet little trinkets that showed them how much she appreciated their effort and support.. their resolve were slowly crumbling down.

At first, she felt like it didn't do anything at all, so she had to resort to doing volunteer works for the orphanage, eagerly doing chores everyone hated and using her infamous puppy eyes no one was able to ignore. Once she noticed it was time for the final blow, she negotiated and reassured her teachers that even though she may pose a problem, she would do her absolute best to keep everyone safe. Hence, she had to spend months upon months of quirk training and self defense. Her hard work paid off even though she was just barely able to protect herself, as her teachers said. So to take precautionary measures, she had to go with at least a couple adults around.

"Aevi, I told you to stop running through the crowd—-" Hizashi Yamada scolded the girl as his eyes widened at the scene that was unfolding in front of him. As Aevi was throwing away her trash in the trash can, she seem to have ran into a group of people.

The girl tilted her head in confusion as strangers she had never seen before seem to have mentioned her name. Were they talking to her? "I'm sorry, do I happen to know you?" She smiled at the group warmly as she asked in a polite manner. Aevi suddenly felt a jolt as her teachers grabbed her arm, pulling her back.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

a/n: original author, please let me know if i should put it down! thank you! 

[whentherewerebicycles]

oh i am powerfully grumpy today let me list the reasons why to break their hold over me! and then i will list the substantive good things that will counterbalance the grumpiness.

WHY AM I GRUMPY

didn’t sleep well and got up too early (this, as you will see, is probably the root of all other ills)

was pretty cranky with ruthie at 5am because she wouldn’t poop and wanted to just wander around outside & take a little walk instead. which fine but i was so tired and grumpy already haha. and then i always feel like a CRUEL MONSTER after i have spoken to her a bit sharply because she is a sweet little girl and sometimes you just don’t have to poop ok! also sometimes when i have been short with the dogs i am like oh great this is like a two-second glimpse of the lowest setting of sleep-deprived parenthood i bet i am going to handle that GREAT. (you can see here how i was already in that Mood where your crabbiness starts magnetizing all other free-floating crabbiness in the ether towards it)

got a little cranky on the phone with my mom because it felt like she was taking a liiiittle dig at me about the salary cut i’m taking (i don’t think she intentionally was i was just already kind of grumpy and sensitive) 

i am experiencing some lowgrade anxiety about the HSG test tomorrow, partly because i have read that is going to be moderately painful and partly because i am worried it will reveal bigger problems

my lead just straight up stood me up for a meeting today lol... i was on the teams call for 10 min just waiting and then she didn’t respond to any of my messages so i hung up but can’t really wander away from my laptop in case she calls me back... i’ve been just kinda Over It for a while but man it is annoying when she does stuff like this. also lol she did the thing in a meeting yesterday where i offered to review this tiny inconsequential project real quick with my boss and my lead jumped in to be like “to make the best use of [boss]’s time, i think it’s best if i review the content first to ensure everything looks okay” which is code for “i am going to make one formatting change and then schedule a meeting with our boss without inviting you where i imply that your work was so shoddy i had to make MAJOR changes to salvage it.” i was just like sure girl. whatever. enjoy these last few days of getting to powertrip over me. you are so close to being in my rearview mirror forever.

i only have like 1-2 pointless work projects left before my last day (next friday) but they are so pointless and so hazily defined that working on them plunges me into a deep work despair spiral even though i am SO close to being done with this stupid job. i know i need to just pull myself together and finish them but wow. i hate this.

some IRL friend stuff is making me a little bit irritated and i just need to sit down for a minute at some point and decide if/how i want to react to it. it’s genuinely not a big deal it’s just one of those situations where there have been multiple small annoyances that are not exactly anyone’s fault but cumulatively just make me feel a little put-out. however i am aware that if i’d slept 2 more hours last night i might feel totally different about it so i am just bracketing it today.

phew okay. now WHAT ARE SOME OF THE GENUINELY GOOD & MEANINGFUL THINGS IN MY LIFE THAT ARE FILLING ME WITH A SENSE OF GRATITUDE THAT I GET TO BE ALIVE IN THIS WORLD IN THIS MOMENT?

i wrote for 3+ hours this morning and feel really intrigued by the project... not sure if i have a sense of where it’s going yet but it’s been quite a while since i’ve been in that headspace where you wake up and reach blearily for your phone right away because you’re just HUNGRY to review the writing you did the previous night & start working on the new draft. i am very, very much hoping that a change of job and scenery will jumpstart my creativity a bit... i think it’s just challenging to write when literally nothing is happening in your life. you have all this open unstructured time, which means you don’t value any of the time you have (because if you don’t write in THIS empty moment you can always put it off to the next empty moment!), and then you are just sitting at home not experiencing any social or intellectual stimuli so i feel like you don’t get that “lots of ideas sloshing around in my brain... new encounters triggering new ways of looking at or connecting them... back-burner brain stuff simmering while doing other activities” stuff going. ANYWAY this is all to say it feels good to be writing again & feeling excited about writing whether or not this one sticks. i am just happier when i am engaging in the practice of making things even if i am not finishing things.

part of why i started writing again is that i got two extremely long, detailed, thoughtful comments on my last story from another writer that just made me feel so, so good and creatively energized. all comments are soooo good/valued but i feel like there is something extra special about getting that kind of extremely detailed feedback from a talented writer who picks up on why you did certain things and has a very clear sense of the really, really time-intensive revision and redrafting work that goes into weaving multiple layers into a story. i read the comments yesterday and at first was happy but also kind of in a funk about it - like it was SO nice and affirming to receive them but i have also kind of built that story up in my mind to be the best/most fully realized thing i’ve ever written and can sometimes get down on myself feeling like i’ll never be able to top it or even repeat it. but then i read the comments several more times and started thinking about some of the specific scenes or choices the person was highlighting and just remembering how many times i patiently reworked not-great versions of those scenes to just steadily make them better and more effective. and i was just like okay listen. it just takes hard work and time. i have to put in the hard work. i have to invest the time. i have to give up the fantasy that the first version i write (or the second version or the tenth version) is going to be, or should be, perfect. i’m so proud of that polished final work but to get there i had to really keep the draft shitty and unfinished and patchworked-together and rough around the edges so that i could have the flexibility to rearrange things and torpedo what wasn’t working and generate new ideas through new combinations of rough material. so get over yourself and get to work, you idiot, or you really will never make anything again because you’ll have gotten wrapped up in some fantasy of doing things perfectly the very first time. ANYWAY it was a journey haha but those comments got me moving again and it really made me remember again how much i value being part of a creative community where you get to have that kind of engagement with other readers and writers.

i think it’s going to be a stupidly gorgeous day out! and then a stupidly gorgeous next week or two! soooo nice to have nice weather!! spring is here!!! i scrubbed down the deck last night before bed finally and am now just awaiting the delivery of the outdoor rug and side table.

 i had a really, really good catch-up call yesterday afternoon with a former mentee i worked closely with for a few years in my last job. i thought she was probably reaching out to ask about a letter of rec or something but it turned out that she actually just wanted to tell me about how this project she started years ago with me has continued to grow/evolve and has led to these pretty major institutional changes around making caste a protected class at our university. she was just like, ‘i’ve been thinking about you so much all year because everything we’ve been doing is rooted in the research ethos you taught me in that program. and then it just occurred to me that instead of just thinking about you i could reach out to tell you about how much you shaped this work.’ it was just so good to hear from her and so amazing to hear about this stuff she and her co-organizers have been able to achieve in the last couple years!! it made me feel really good/happy (for her but also obviously it’s just nice when people say nice things about your teaching impact!) and i also feel like it kinda lit a fire under me a little bit... like this past year has been so isolating and i think one thing i’ve missed is the way that students’ passionate commitments push YOU to be more engaged in your own life/community and more awake in your own life. i feel like this student in particular always pushed me to be more honest you know... she’s one of those people who is continuously pursuing difficult, important work because she believes it’s the right thing to do and she knows she has the skillset to do it. so i just want to hold onto that feeling you know... like as i begin to become more involved in the life of a campus community again and more connected to students i just want to keep pushing myself out of this period of isolation and into the world to do meaningful work.

[cosmicpines]

Happy Code Secret Santa, @votederpycausemufins ! You asked for some slice of life friend group but also mentioned you liked Sissi, so I wrote you this piece :) hope you enjoy it! Sorry if the formatting is bad — I’m finishing this from my phone. I will fix it later when I post it to Ao3.

There was no way this could fail, Sissi muses with a satisfied smile as she, Nicholas, and Herve walk down the snow-laden streets in their knitted hats and thick coats, shivering as they made their way into town. Her new boots crunch with every step over the first snowfall of the season, and the frost in the air is doing a number on her lips, she realizes as she runs her tongue over them. With trembling fingers encased in her bright pink mittens, she pulls out a tube of chapstick and, after failing to open it with her slippery mittens three times in a row, holds it out to Herve. He pauses mid-sentence in his conversation with Nicholas, (Something about math homework? She didn’t even realize they had math homework. Whatever.) takes it from her, pulls the cap off, and hands it back, wordlessly and thanklessly, before turning back to Nicholas. Sissi applies a thin layer, recaps it, and shoves it back in her pocket.

“I sure hope we’re going the right way,” she says, cutting Herve off again, who dutifully shuts his mouth. “The last thing I want is to wander around in the cold looking for a bowling alley that doesn’t exist.”

“I looked it up before we left,” Herve sighs, “Don’t you trust me?”

“No, I don’t.” Sissi says, bluntly, “Not after the Burger Barn incident.”

Nicholas starts snickering, and Herve’s cheeks, already tinged pink from the cold, darken even more, and he tightens his scarf. “We got there in the end.”

“I don’t need to dignify that with a response,” Sissi huffs, “All I know is if I’m late to impress Ulrich, I’ll never forgive you!”

He mutters something under his breath that Sissi misses, and Nicholas snickers again. Sissi purses her lips, but decides to ignore them, opting instead to daydream about her plan. Yesterday, at dinner, Sissi was at her usual table, one over from Ulrich and his gang, and doing her daily half-talking to her dweebs,  half-eavesdropping on the other dweebs routine. It was easy enough to overhear that Odd blabbing about how they just “needed to take a day off” and “why don’t they go somewhere together over the weekend.” Jeremie said something about… something… computer-y… but his sweet little Mrs. Einstein  had managed to convince him.

Really, if they didn’t want her to follow them, they shouldn’t talk so loudly.

It was obvious what her course of action should be: meet them at the bowling alley, wearing her new skirt and festive sweater, bowl in the alley right next to them, do a better job than anyone, have a better time than anyone, and totally humiliate them all. Ulrich will be impressed, he’ll come talk to her, and one thing will lead to another and they’ll be in love and everything would be better!

Okay, maybe the plan wasn’t foolproof, but it was an opportunity. And if there was one thing Sissi Delmas never let pass her by, it was an opportunity.

After trudging through the snow for nearly an hour, the blast of cheap heating that hits the trio’s face as they enter the bowling alley could be heaven. Sissi pulls off her hat with a sigh as feeling returns to her face, and she peels off her mittens and shoves them in her pockets. The building is dingy sort of place. The air smells like sweat and pizza. Music that was popular 5 years ago is blaring through the speakers, interrupted by the crashing sound of bowling balls and the screaming of children and, of course, the yelling of one Odd Della Robbia.

“Oh, look out, trouble is here!”

Sissi turns in the direction of his shrill, annoying little voice, and she sees the whole group sitting a few lanes away — two benches facing each other, with Aelita and Jeremie facing her on the far bench, Ulrich glancing over his shoulder and scowling on the close bench, Yumi looking over her shoulder as she stands to take her turn, and Odd leaning against the ball return, waving at her. Ulrich let’s out a loud groan that is audible from across the room as he turns back to their game, but Sissi knows he’s just playing hard to get, as per usual. Ulrich just doesn’t seem to understand that there should be a “get” part of “hard to get.”

Her rehearsed lines from the walk over are pouring out of her mouth in a second as she walks towards them, “Oh, what a coincidence!” Sissi says, meandering over as she pulls off her coat, showing off her white sweater with a smile, Nicholas and Herve following in her wake, “I never expected that you five would know a good way to spend your weekend. Is this where you’re always hiding when you’re not on campus?”

“If it was, it wouldn’t be anymore,” Ulrich mutters, pointedly not looking at her.

Yumi tosses the bowling ball and hits a reasonable chunk of the pins, leaving three on the left side. She walks back towards them, scowling, “Sissi, I’m warning you, if you’re just here to ruin our day, you can get lost.”

“Yumi, dear, I cannot believe you would say that!” Sissi turns to look at Nicholas and Herve, feigning shock, “When have I ever tried to ruin your day?”

All of the others start talking at the same time, listing off different occasions, and Sissi interjects with a, “Okay, okay, okay! Point taken.”

She continues smirking, her plan to make a scene and sow discord working perfectly. Of course, she had expected the resistance from them; they weren’t wrong that she was usually around them to cause friction. It was just that they all misunderstood why she was doing these things! Aelita and Jeremie go back to chatting with each other, Yumi goes back to bowling her second shot, Odd’s glinting eyes fall off of her, and Ulrich continues sitting there, watching Yumi.

“Well, we’re going to bowl here, if you all don’t mind.”

They ignore her. She speaks louder.

“I don’t care if you mind, actually. We’re going to do it anyway.”

Aelita rolls her eyes.

Sissi’s blood boils at this more than them jeering. She’s just preparing to walk over and give them a more clear, direct insult when —

 “Ay, over there. You renting shoes or what?”

Sissi blinks and turns to see a man as grubby as the bowling alley leaning on a counter next to the register. Behind him are rows of bowling shoes of varying states of repair. He’s leaning on a half-shaven face with drooping, baggy eyes, giving her a disappointed glare that would put Ms. Hertz’s to shame. She walks over the carpet to the counter, pulling her wallet out of her pocket.

“The three of us,” she says, gesturing to Nicholas, who has already started taking his shoes off, and Herve, who nods, “Would like a lane for two games.”

The man furrows his brow, looking over her shoulder at Ulrich’s gang, “You not with them?”

“No, we’re not,” Sissi scowls, “Not that we’d want to be.”

“Well, we’re outta lanes, so you’re outta luck.”

“Excuse me?”

“We’re outta lanes,” the man repeats, gesturing at the bowling alley with his free hand, “It’s a freezing cold Saturday, this place books up fast. You shoulda called ahead. Don’t know when anyone will be done. You can either rent shoes and bowl with your friends over there, or you can come back later, probably in a few hours.”

“This – I – ,” Sissi sputters, feeling her face turning pink and her grip on her wallet tightening. How had she not thought of this beforehand? Her plan was –

Was –

Well, even she has to admit, her expression deadset on fury to mask the embarrassment, this wasn’t one of her better plans. But she had been so fixated on getting herself to the bowling alley that she had to admit that she hadn’t thought of what she’d actually do when she got here. She hadn’t even stopped to come up with a list of insults to throw back in Odd and Aelita’s faces when they insulted her. And she’s wearing chapstick, for crying out loud! Not even the flavored kind! If she really wanted to impress Ulrich, she’d be wearing her new glittery lilac lipgloss! That tube cost $8!!!

“Well, it looks like you just struck out, Sissi!” Odd sneers, laughing at his own mediocre joke, the others joining in. Their laughter rings in Sissi’s ears louder than the crashing of bowling pins, and she turns, mouth opening to say an insult she knows isn’t there, before Aelita cuts her off.

“Yeah,” Aelita adds, “A few p –,”

And she abruptly stops.

All of them do, actually – each of them has a momentary confused look in their eyes, looking around the bowling alley, before they go back to ambling about. Jeremie mutters something Sissi can’t hear from across the room, and Aelita squeezes his shoulder; whatever roast she was about to serve, apparently completely forgotten.

“What was that, Mrs Einstein?” Sissi snaps, trying to break them out of whatever stupor they were in, a shot of… something… coursing through her heart, and Aelita cringes, looking up, “What were you about to say to me?”

“Look, girl,” the man behind the counter interjects, and Sissi spins back around, “You need to leave, alright? There’s no lane for you, so write your name down and back in a few hours and –,”

“Actually,” Ulrich interrupts him, clearly and pointedly, before he turns around slowly, facing her properly for the first time. He looks tired – far more tired than Sissi had assumed he was, carrying some weight behind his eyes she couldn’t identify – but the half-formed smile he gives is sincere, “Those three can join us.”

“…What?” She mouthes, dumbly.

 “Yeah,” Yumi says, shooting a quick smile at Ulrich, a sight that would normally infuriate Sissi if she wasn’t so perplexed, “I’m all bowled out, actually. Sissi can take over my spot.”   

“Yeah, and Herve can take mine!” Odd says with a hand raised, “Jeremie said he was tired earlier, so I’m sure he wouldn’t mind –,”

“Yes,” Jeremie blurts out, relief heavier than getting out of a social obligation on his face, “Yes. I’m happy to watch.”

“What are you playing at?” Herve asks, snapping Sissi back into the realm of logic. Yes, this must be a trick or a prank from them of some kind – some prank they all just thought off at once and –

And –

Aelita’s smile is so sweet, like the one she offers to her friends at dinner that Sissi always stares at with a twitching pounding in her chest.

“Hello? Hello? Are you renting shoes or not?”

The man behind the counter’s glare is back, anr, throwing caution to the wind, Sissi pulls her wallet back out of her pocket. “Yes. I’m a 6 and a half, he’s a 9, and he’s a 10.”

Sissi is awkwardly poised on the very end of the bench where Ulrich is sitting, left heel tap-tap-tapping the floor in slightly-too-small bowling shoes, as she watches Nicholas spend far too long angling his shot. Her first turn is coming up next and, for some reason, she has knots in her stomach like she’s waiting for her execution. She sneaks a glance over at Ulrich, who she’s startled to see is staring right back at her. His expression is slightly puzzled, like he’s trying to figure something out about her. Sissi keeps his gaze as he raises an eyebrow and she’s about to say something – accusatory, maybe? Ask him what he’s staring at her for that, maybe, something like – when there’s the crash of bowling pins and a gasp from the others.

“WHAT?” Odd exclaims amid – and Sissi can’t believe this either – cheers from the others, as she turns and sees that Nicholas, the little silent mystery that he is, has bowled a strike, “I should have let Nicholas take over my game! This isn’t fair!”

“Sorry, Odd,” Jeremie says, who has been slumped in his seat since the three of them were invited over, leaning on Aelita with her arm slung protectively around him, the image of public PDA that she can’t believe Jeremie is accepting, “Not everyone can have a champion as their partner.”

Nicholas, grinning ear to ear, comes back and sits on the floor next to Jeremie. Jeremie grins that stupid grin of his back at him, as if they were – were –

“Sissi, it’s your turn.” Yumi suddenly says from right behind her, and Sissi jumps out of her seat instinctively.

“I know that,” she spits back, and Yumi shrugs, easing into the seat she was just in, leaning over to whisper something to Ulrich.

Sissi stalks over to the ball return and glares at it. She can’t balance left from right anymore and she doesn’t know how or why she’s so stressed about all this. She hefts up the green ball Nicholas had been using, a sticky, heavy thing that she can barely get her hands into.

“You want a lighter one,” Ulrich says from his seat.

Her face burns. “I know that!”

“Here.”

And – what is happening – Ulrich walks up to her and takes the ball out of her hands, his fingers brushing against hers for a heart-stopping second. He picks up a blue one instead, holding it out. He has that infuriating little smirk on his face, “Come on, don’t tell me you’ve never bowled before.”

“Of course I have,” Sissi takes the ball from him. It’s still hefty, but it’s much more manageable, and her fingers fit into the holes with just a little wiggle room.

“Show us what you’ve got, then,” He inclines his head towards the lane, and Sissi walks away, the tapping of her shoes louder barely louder than the beating of her heart. She had bowled before, obviously, just not for a while. It wasn’t that hard. It couldn’t be that hard, she thought, her grip on the ball tightening as she ambles over to the center of the lane. No weakness, she thinks to herself, just do it. Winding up, throwing, watching – it’s all one swift motion that she trusts herself to pull off, and watches with bated breath as it – no – curves too far right, barely avoiding hitting nothing as it plinks the rightmost pin in the side, falling and knocking over – please please please – three other pins.

A quiet breath of relief escapes her throat, and, spinning around on her heels with a casual shrug, she gloats, “Not that hard, really. Knocking out the back row is a very important strategy.”

“Follow it up, then,” Aelita says, raising an eyebrow, and Sissi, practically prancing back to the ball return, picks up her ball, raising her nose at her.

With a wink, she says, “Gladly,” and walks over to do her second toss. She screw up her face, focuses, and throws.

She watched it roll, and roll, and veer right again, and…

“Yikes,” she hears Herve’s sniveling little voice say as it clunks into the gutter, and she doesn’t dare look at what the others are doing.

“Shut up,” she snaps back, talking faster than she can process, “I was just warming up. You’ll see; next shot will be good. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m getting a soda.”

With a huff, she walks away from the lane.

Her hands are trembling and her eyes are warm as she orders a Diet Coke, and she furiously pulls out her chapstick for something to do to calm them down. Idiot, moron – why is she even here? What even was her plan? Why were they so willing and able to make a fool of her and why – why –

“Hey Sissi!”

Blinking, she rubs her eyes furiously at the voice of that Odd. She absolutely could not let him see that she was – not that she was – it was just something in her eye that was bothering her, was all. She, thankfully, has pulled off her deception of nothing well, as no jeering came from Odd as he sidles next to her, leaning over the counter, “I’ll have a slice of pepperoni pizza and a Dr. Pepper.”

“It was fine, Sissi,” he says, and she knows he’s taunting her as the cashier hands her her drink, “You should have seen Ulrich’s first round. All gutters! You at least got a few.”

She doesn’t reply, opening the can and taking a jerky sip. He’s an insufferable, cruel, horrible person who is just going to make more fun of her as he takes that disgusting pizza from the disgusting cashier in this disgusting bowling alley.

“You know,” Odd says, finally, turning back to her with his plate, “If you want to hang out with us, you can just ask.”

“What?” Her bowling shoes squeak under her as she leans back, aghast, “Why would I want to hang out with you? We’re just bowling together because there are no lanes left.”  

 “Sure,” Odd shrugs, walking over and pressing the ketchup dispenser to dump a disgusting amount over his pizza slice. Sissi wrinkles her nose and Odd snickers, before continuing to talk, “I’m just saying! Sometimes it feels like it would take, oh, I don’t know, a life-threatening situation for you to admit how you feel.”

“What? That’s stupid. I can say how I feel whenever I want.”

“Sure, sure,” Odd is still smiling at her. That pesky, knowing smile that she has no idea what he’s going on about for. He picks the abhorrent little pizza slice up and shoves it into his gaping mouth, still smiling, and says, through disgusting chews, “So how do you feel?”   

 “How do I – huh?”

 She sputters, staring at him and his ease and his smile and his friends behind him, cheering for Herve and she — she —

“You’re all acting so weird!” Sissi cries, “Freaks!”

 Odd laughs at her, nudging her with his elbow as he heads back. Her hand closes around her soda can and it’s crushed between her fingers, the cold sticky liquid falling over her hand and onto the floor as she stands there, alone.