#I wrote not one...but TWO 3-4 PAGE PAPERS TODAY

[ao3commentoftheday]

While looking for something else, I found an old ask I answered about "ideal chapter length" in terms of word count.

I've been asked this probably a dozen or more times, and each time I need to take a moment and adjust my thinking to take the asker's point of view into account. Because the thing is? The only time I ever try to factor the word count into how I write a story is when I'm aiming for a true drabble.

For whatever reason, this difference in thinking stuck with me today and I actually considered why that might be. And I think it's because I'm in my 40s and the first 25-30 years of my life, any stories I was reading were printed on paper and bound into physical books.

When I imagine a novel, I still think of a mass market paperback on my bookshelf. An average one would be maybe an inch thick, probably in the neighbourhood of 300 pages. A long one would be maybe as much as two inches thick and 500 or more pages long. A short one was always nice to have because it filled in the gaps in the shelf because 200 page books were so much narrower. Or so it seemed.

When I started posting my fic online, I still thought in terms of pages. I'd type them out in whatever word processing software I was using at the time, and I'd usually get a chapter's worth of ideas into 3 or 4 pages. Turns out that's about 1000 words, which makes sense with the number of 1000 word essays I wrote in high school. I'd been trained to encapsulate an idea into approximately that length.

And that's what it comes down to. The thing that always made that question seem weird to me. A chapter isn't about how many words there are in it, just like a cake isn't about how many cups of flour exist in each slice. A chapter is a an idea that helps make up a bigger idea called a story, and it needs to be however many words that idea needs to be to get it out.

[eliluvschan]

Polaroid Memories

pairing: lee know x reader

word count: 700

warnings: just a cute Minho

genre: fluff

a/n: Lino has been wrecking me a liiittle too bad so another imagine for him today hihihi (next one is bang chan again i promise:)) + polaroid pics are by me :)

standing in my parents’ attic, i rummage through a box and find an old polaroid camera at the bottom.

“hey, look at this!” i call to Minho from across the room, holding the camera up for him to see.

he comes over and takes it from my hands, turning it in his hands and observing it.

“oh wow, haven’t seen these in so long. think it still works?” he asks.

“i don’t know. is there a film in it?”

Minho shakes the camera and we hear the film rattle around inside.

“jagiyaaa.” Minho sings as i look up at him.

there’s a bright flash and a few seconds later, the blank film slides out from the bottom of the camera. Minho shakes the film a few times, and soon my face develops on it.

“beautiful.” he says as he admires the photo of me.

“beautiful? if you told me you were gonna take one, i’d smile.” i say as he smiles. “let me take one from you then.” i say, taking the camera from him.

he looks at the camera, his lips in a thin line and i click the shutter button, the flash going off and capturing his incredibly handsome face.

we end up having a mini photoshoot, using old coats, hats and whatever other trinkets we can find to enhance our photos. we make each other laugh with crazy poses and silly faces.

eventually we use up the last of the film left in the camera after compiling a huge stack of polaroids.

“i love these.” i say as i shift through each of the photos. “but i love you more.” i say as i lean over and give Minho a peck on his cheek.

“i love you too. and by the way, i’m stealing all of these pictures.” he says, taking the stack from my hand.

“what? why? i want some.” i exclaim.

“you’ll get them back. i just want to do something first.”

“fine, but you better not ruin them.”

“trust me, i won’t.”

— ❀ —

“can i open my eyes yet?” i ask as Minho’s big hands cover my small ones over my hands.

“almost.” Minho replies and i hear some rustling from the table in front of me. then he takes his hands off of my eyes.

when i look down, i see a wrapped gift, resting on the table.

“can i open it?” i ask eagerly.

“of course.”

i rip off the wrapping paper to reveal a simple black scrapbook with the words ‘now and forever’ inscribed in gold lettering on the cover.

“what’s this?” i ask, even though i already have a feeling of knowing what it is.

“open it!”

when i flip the cover open, i see pages and pages full of all the polaroid photos we took that day in my parents’ attic. and some new ones that i hadn’t seen yet. he even had some photos of Soonie, Doongie and Dori.

beneath each one, were neat handwritten captions. in Minho’s pretty handwriting.

“i told you, you’d get them back.” he says.

“i should’ve believed you.” i say, giggling. “i love it. i’m going to look back at this forever.”

“i’m glad you like it. oh! and i wrote a little something on the inside of the cover.”

i glip back to the front cover and see a handwritten note addressed to me.

my dearest Y/n,

i told you that i would give these back to you, didn’t i? i just wanted to say how much i love you. i will cherish all these little moments with you and the kids. all the spontaneous photoshoots, goofy moments, and never ending laugh fits, for the rest of my life. 1 4 3 <3

kisses forever,

Minho.

when i finish reading his note, tears of happiness stream down my face.

“thank you so much, Min. this is the sweetest gift i’ve ever received. i love, love, love you.”

Minho takes my face in his hands and presses his lips against mine. just like every kiss we’ve shared in the last two years, sparks fly and butterflies erupt in my stomach.

how did i get so lucky?

~

[imomisoplays]

Jambon-beurre

Bonjour, tombler!

Still on our brunch series with Nanami, today we’re cooking the classic French and butter sandwich, also known as jambon-beurre. The dish we’re cooking today is actually divided into two cc recipes by @oni28: baguette cc recipe can be downloaded here, and jambon-beurre cc recipe can be downloaded here. The recipes need Oni’s Recipe Pack Mod which is updated regularly on their Patreon page.

The baguette made by this creator can be eaten as a meal or used as an ingredient for jambon-beurre. Even though The Sims 4™ logic makes ingredients appear automatically when you make a recipe, today Nanami decided to bake her baguette from scratch.

I love taking pan shots from Nanami’s kitchen. Some elements including the top counters are from @tudtuds’s BSCO Kitchen set which I think match very well with the base game counters (I think it’s base game? Definitely need to check again).

Everyone in the family seemed to be challenging the inner trad wife by making their bread from scratch, Nanami included. To begin, prepare all-purpose flour, water, yeast and salt. Mix the ingredients and let it sit for about 10 minutes, followed by 3 stretches and folds over a period of 90 minutes (honestly I’m already lost here, goodbye). After each iteration, pick up the dough ball and turn it upside down. Let the dough ferment in the fridge for another 8-10 hours.

One important thing in making your own baguette is the baking stone. A heavy duty baking stone won’t crack easily and will promote a better oven spring for the baguette. Preheat the oven to 500F or 260C with the baking stone positioned in the upper rack and a small pan with hot water and a rolled kitchen towel on the lower rack. The towel helps control steam release.

After scoring your baguette, slide them off with the parchment paper onto the hot baking stone. Using a water spray bottle, spray some in the sides of the oven to boost the steam. Bake for about 15 minutes, remove the water pan, and bake for another 15 minutes at 450F (232C) until deep golden brown.

If I were as successful as Nanami in baking baguette, I’d make that smug face too. Alas, 100% of what I wrote above is just a rewrite from the recipes I googled 🤦‍♀️

Now, onto the jambon-beurre. Jambon-beurre or parisien is the simplest combo of baguette topped by slightly salted French butter and spiced Parisian ham (also known as jambon de Paris). Yet, finding a great jambon-beurre is harder and harder to find. Pictured above, Nanami sliced each baguette in half length-wise.

Next, the butter and the ham. A good European butter makes the best choice, as it has a much higher fat content and less water compared to American butter. If you’re unable to find European butter, pick a salted butter or sprinkle a few salt crystal over the unsalted butter. For the ham, using jambon de Paris or any unsmoked, wet-cured ham with juicy texture. The last part – arguably also the easiest, is to combine everything together!

We’ve seen one of Nanami’s twins in the previous post, but here’s both of them eating jambon-beurre together: Sean in a blue overall and Kieran in a light purple shirt. Sean loves to be carried but Kieran hates it, and they look so alike that Nanami sometimes mistakenly carried Kieran only for him to throw tantrum. The joy of the terrible threes, doubled.

Last picture featuring full serving of baguette, full serving of jambon-beurre, and a single serving of jambon-beurre. ‘Til next post, dag dag!

P.S. Bonjour means “hello” in French. P.S.S. Detailed information about baguette is taken from this article, while detailed information about jambon-beurre is taken from this article and this article.

Imomiso's note: This post is originally posted on the now deleted blog.

[fullsunstrawberry]

today is the worst day ever,,, rant below ⬇️😭

so i’m in college and it’s finals,, well one of my classes is having a group project final (already the worst) well last class i asked one of the girls in my group for her number so she can tell me what subject they picked for the final (the teacher always goes over time and i have a back to back class 😭) WELLL this girl texts me that it’s option three misinformation.. SO I LIKE TO START EARLY CAUSE IT’S FINALSSS, i wrote 2 WHOLE pages (out of the 4 due) on option 3! well i get to class and she says a WHOLE different option and thought it was option 3,, i bring up the paper and she was like ops i’m sorry and left EARLY 😭😭 i ended up crying cause i was so frustrated that i spend TWO HOURS working on the wrong thing cause of her 😀

[ddanthedumbass]

Day off || Lily Evans x fem! Reader

Author note <3

Hiiiiii Lily just has my heart like🙄 im in science class rn (im supposed to b playing blooket but it sucks dics) 

THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WRITING GRYFFINDOR X READER LIKE I ONLY DO SLYTHERINS (and my first time doing marauders era)

I always accept corrective criticism, spelling correction, grammar correction, and requests. 

I appreciate your support 💞

Sé onr sverdar sitija hvass!

-Arii💕

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

You were tired and your eyelids were heavy, but you ran your hand through your H/L H/C hair and turned your attention back to the piece of parchment in front of you, the lamp by its side casting it a warm glow.

You sighed and looked at the pages filled with writing, scribbling, and a few doodles in the corner, all written in black ink.

This is only two pages….. It should be five! You thought, sighing deeply and dipping your quill back into the ink.

Paragraph 4 — Werewolf lore, You wrote on your third piece of parchment, and though you only used two pages, your handwriting was small and if anyone else copied it onto their parchment, it would most likely take up five or six pages.

You scribbled with your quill for a few couple hours before your eyelids felt heavier than ever, like they were made of metal.

One more page… you thought encouragingly to yourself.

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

“Y/N?”

You groaned and ignored the voice.

“Y/N?”

“Y/N?”

“Y/N!?” YOur eyelids fluttered open and you lifted your head abruptly, causing your vision to temporarily blur and your head to temporarily spin.

“Y/N, why were you sleeping in the common room with your quill?” Lily asked you with a look of concern on her face “Were you staying up to do your homework again?”

You flinched slightly as her tone suddenly went from worried to stern. “Uh” was the only thing you could say.

“Y/N, overworking is not good for you.” Lily said, knitting her eyebrows with a look of mingled concern and distress.

“It’s oka–”

“No, it's not!” Lily cut in, her eyebrows furrowed and a slight frown on her face “What time did you go to sleep, Y/N?”

You thought for a moment, biting your lip “I don’t know..”

Lily huffed and put her hands on her hips “You're not going to class today. I am going to get your absence excused and you will not do anything related to homework, school, or studying.”

YOu stared at Lily with a look of disbelief “But… My essay is due tomorrow and I only have four and a half pages done and I still have to do my essay for professor Slughorn and professor Dippet!”

Lily shook her head “No.”

You sighed and gave up trying to change Lily’s mind, since anyone who’s talked to her would know, if she decided on something, that decision is final and nobody can do anything to make her change her mind. “Okay. Fine.”

Lily’s expression became brighter immediately “Okay!” she said, beaming and pulling you up onto your feet.

You couldn’t help but smile at Lily’s adorableness. “Okay, Evans.” you said, rolling your eyes.

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

You sat on your bed, your sketchbook in your lap, doodling absentmindedly.

“Y/N!” Lily plopped onto the bed next to you “What are you drawing?”

“Uh,” You looked down at your paper “I’m just doodling… you were gone for a while and I got bored.”

Lily laughed, “It wasn’t that long! It was only like twenty minutes!”

You smiled and rolled your eyes. “Twenty minutes is a long time when you're sitting on the floor doing nothing!”

Lily pulled a look of fake consideration “Yea, sure.” 

You smiled and looked at Lily, your E/C eyes locking with Lily’s green ones for a split second before you looked away, feeling flustered for no reason. Get yourself together, Y/N. You silently chided yourself, ashamed of the butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

“You Okay?” Lily asked you, the smile slowly disappearing from her face, being replaced by a look of concern.

“Yea, I’m fine, just spaced out for a second.” You gave Lily a reassuring smile. “What do you want to do for the whole day without class?”

Lily’s smile reappeared immediately “I planned the whole day earlier!” She said excitedly, practically jumping with enthusiasm.

“How much earlier?” 

“When I was walking to Professor Dumbledoor’s classroom.”

You sighed, a smile on your face “I’ll trust you planned well in like, five or less minutes.”

“I did, promise.”

You nodded and rolled your eyes “Okay, what’s the plan?”

Lily grinned and smiled coyly “It’s a surprise!” 

“Humph.” You fake-glared at Lily “Fine. Don’t tell me.”

Lily rolled her eyes and grabbed your hand, hauling you up off the bed, causing your sketchbook to fall with a thud off your lap and onto the ground.

“Lilu!” You protested as the sketchbook lay open on the ground, showing a page on which you drew Lily’s smiling face.

Lily also stared at the book before saying: “You drew me in your sketchbook?”

You felt heat rush to your face. “Yes..”

Lily grinned “It’s really good!”

“It’s not that good, it’s just a sketch.” You said, rubbing your burning neck in embarrassment.

Lily laughed and patted your shoulder. “Come on, Y/N! You don’t have to be so modest all the time!”

YOu frowned “I’m not being modest! The sketch is not that good!”

Lily sighed “If you say so,”

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

You followed Lily through the deserted hallways, passing classrooms with class in session, making you feel a little uncomfortable, since you were so used to being one of the first people in the classroom.

Lily walked out of the door, holding it open for you as you followed her out.

“Where are we going?” You asked, jogging to keep up with Lily.

“It’s a surprise!” Lily said, spinning around once excitedly, smiling at you. “Close your eyes~”

You blinked and stared before closing your eyes. “Make sure I don’t bump into anything.”

“Okay!” Lily said. You felt her hand around yours and she pulled you behind her, walking slowly and carefully.

“You can open your eyes now!” Lily said after a few minutes of walking blindly.

You opened your eyes, the light blinding you at first, but as your eyes adapted to the light, you saw a pretty garden, a big water fountain and many multi-colored flowers, green grass cut neatly and small green shrubs lined up perfectly along the cut grass,

“Wow.” You said, looking at the garden with awe in your eyes.

“I know right!” Lily said excitedly, grinning and hopping up and down on her heels.

You nodded and took a second to admire Lily’s smile then turned your attention back to the colorful garden.

“Come onnnn!” Lily gushed, grabbing your hand again and pulling you to a small bench and sitting down. You sat down next to her.

“Why are we here?” You asked LIly after a few seconds of admiring the scenery.

Lily smiled and turned to you, her emerald green eyes gleaming, “It’s called mindfulness, Y/N.”

“Why mindfulness?”

“I think you need it,”

You rolled your eyes. “Whatever.”

Lily smiled. “Close your eyes and listen.” 

“What?” 

“Close your eyes and listen.”

“Why?”

“Just shut up and do it.”

You closed your eyes and listened to your surroundings, hearing the soft buzz of bees, and leaves rustling in the wind.

“What about it?”

“Just listen,” Lily said quietly “It’s called mindfulness.”

You sighed and listened again, thinking of nothing but the calming sounds around you.

After a few minutes of peaceful silence, you felt Lily’s hand on yours. “You can open your eyes now,”

You opened your eyes, feeling refreshed and calm. “I can’t believe that worked.”

Lily rolled her eyes “Do you not trust my mindful exercises?”

“It seemed stupid at first.” You admitted.

“Rude.”

“Whatever.”

Lily laughed and scooted closer to you with a coy smile.

You felt heat rush to your cheeks and your heartbeat quickened by six beats.

Lily noticed your blush and grinned “Why are you blushing?~”

You blushed harder “Uhm..” 

LIly smirked “Hmm?”

“It’s- it’s just.. Hot out here, you know?”

“You sure?”

“Y-yea..”

“Mmm, It doesn't feel hot,” 

“Maybe it’s just me.” You shrug.

“Look at me, Y/N.”

You turned and looked at Lily’s perfect face, her wavy red hair was flying in the soft morning breeze and her freckles were as perfect as ever, sprinkling her nose and cheeks.

“Yes?” You asked, locking your eyes with her’s.

Lily’s eyes flickered from your eyes to your lips and back to your eyes again in a second, and she smiled. 

You tilted your head “Yes?” You repeated, ignoring Lily’s eyes flickering down to your lips from time to time.

“Can I kiss you?” LIly asked finally, looking at her knees, smiling shyly, and tucking her hair behind her ear.

“What?” You looked at Lily with a look of surprise. “Can you what?”

Lily looked up at you, her big green eyes sparking, “Can I kiss you?”

You looked at Lily then smiled “Okay, Evans.”

Lily’s face lit up and she smiled, caressing your forearm. “Thank you, Y/N” She whispered, moving her face closer to yours.

You blushed and put your hand softly onto her’s.

Lily put her hand on your hip and pressed her lips on yours, smiling.

The warm taste of chocolatey sweetness filled your mouth. Your hand went up Lily’s waist and to her neck, brushing your hand through her hair.

Lily pulled away after a few seconds, a warm blush sprinkling her freckled cheeks.

You smiled, also blushing lightly. “Wow..” 

Lily grinned and stood up, holding her hand out for you and you took it, grinning.

“I’m going to take you somewhere else.”

“Where?”

“I told you! It’s a secret”

You rolled your eyes “Whatever.”

[turtleandbuffalo]

A Note to You

It’s been 4 hours since the freeze out. You should be sleeping, but I don’t know if you are. For the past 4 hours I’ve thought of you for probably 3 hrs and 58 minutes of it. I’m already miserable thinking about how I wont be able to express my heart to you.

I want to send you my little blue heart to remind you that I’m thinking of you and loving you, but I know I shouldn’t. I know I can’t.

I’m going to keep looking back at our conversation screenshots and I’ll probably continue to cry about it. Loving you shouldn’t be painful, but right now it is. Chemistry and timing. Why couldn’t this be a different time?? Thinking of us together…. My heart longs for that, for you. There really is no better way to say that.

I want to be with you, but I’m so scared of starting over. What if we end up not even working out? What if you realize I have way more faults than virtues?

It’s been 6 hours now, I just woke up. I think I fell asleep for 45 minutes at the most. I woke up and for half a second I forgot.

But it all came rushing back to me and here I am crying again. I love you… I hope you’re sleeping well..

I’m sitting here alone watching That Thing You Do, I wish I was watching it with you. My head feels so loopy because I didn’t sleep enough today, I feel like all I did was cry. You’re not missing much hun, I’m a mess and you deserve someone who’s in it 100%. I wish I could have been that one for you.

It’s almost 10pm, I wonder if you’re awake.. I came for a drive because Im losing my mind right now, I pulled over to cry. It’s weird how it’s just a normal day to everyone else, but I’m here feeling so empty and alone. I wonder if you’ll leave me on read for a day, two? A week? Longer? It hasn’t even been 12 hours and I miss you so much already.people looked at me as they walked by my car, I think they could hear my sobbing, or maybe they heard me hitting my steering wheel? Maybe I honked and didn’t notice. I hope you respond.

My last three messages to you have been left on read, I’m trying really hard to pretend I’m not completely torn apart on the inside.

It’s 11:26pm I hate this time. Those numbers 11:26 morning or evening, I hate it. And of course that’s when I check my phone for your name. Nothing. No unread messages. You’re probably almost at work. Maybe you’re already there? Are you thinking about me? Because I just wrote seven pages about you. I don’t think I’d ever been that honest and vulnerable before, not even to a sheet of paper. I’ll probably cry myself to sleep tonight. That is if I sleep at all. Goodnight, I love you.

It’s 6/24, 3:30am Im parked at work, I almost didn’t come. I almost went to your work to wait outside for you. I just want to see your face.

6:20 am now, I came to my car for my lunch again. Needed to be alone because all I can think about is you, you’re probably just fine… that’s what you said yesterday morning. You’re too tired to feel ups and downs, did I mean anything to you? Did you just say “I love you” to make me want you more? Lunch is over, I wish I could go to you right now. I’d run to you, I’d jump into your arms and kiss you.

7:00am

I can’t be here, I’m back in the car ready to leave because I couldn’t work the floor without this miserable cloud hanging over me. Should I go to your work to see you? Or should I just let you be?

I feel like I’m always going to love you, like this knot in my throat is never going to go away. It’s 6/24, 9:45am you ignored my call earlier. I’ll leave you alone. I’ll stop writing these messages to no one.

I feel like The Man Who Can’t be Moved.

I love you.

[misskasu]

Module 2: Blog Assignment

 Today’s digital media diary was slightly different from the one posted about two weeks ago.  The first thing I usually do is check my Gmail from both accounts around 7 am. This I decided to bravely kill two birds with one stone finish this blog assignment along with the extra credit today before 7 am unlike my last post.                       

5:20 am - logged into Canvas. And watched " In a Nutshell Zuboff: surveillance capitalism and Democracy on YouTube, " about a 17-minute video. After watching the video, I better understand how technology has shaped our lives. I also became aware of the potential hazards of data used in our society. I am now more conscious of the importance of data privacy, even if I have nothing to hide.

 YouTube link:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5AvtUrHxg8A&ab_channel=AlexandervonHumboldtInstitutf%C3%BCrInternetundGesellschaft

5:40 - 6:10 Read the article "Surveillance Capitalism: What It Is and How It Impacts Democracy" and created a mind map of surveillance capitalism. Started writing an essay on the topic. Developed a thesis statement. Researched more information about this topic. Checked the essay for errors. As part of the essay, I wrote a conclusion and submitted it.

6:10 - I posted the final result online on my Tumblr page.

6:26- Responded to Melissa Radojevic by mentioning that I was aware of the issue of data metrics, and posting at such a young age was a blessing. And since then, I have taken extra steps to protect my personal information. I have also been more conscious of my content. Further, I have taken the necessary steps to ensure that my accounts are private and that I only connect with people I trust.

7: 30- 8:15 AM After I shower, I always start my morning with maintenance. I check my email out as much in the spam and check in with all the clubs and my grandmother. I like to do wordle/digits from the New Times.  My Grandmother lives in Michigan, so she almost will Always do it before me and often gives me hints. But today, I finished before she did. I also cleaned out my spam from both email accounts and double-checked assignments from my other classes

10:00 am to 12:30 — Pandora (in the background) 

I turn on Pandora working on while I work on today’s blog diary and take a look at the extra credit.   I turn on Pandora working on while I work on today’s blog diary and look at the extra credit.   I make sure to take breaks every 15 minutes to stretch and clear my head. I review the content I wrote and make any necessary changes. At 12:30, I'm done with the line, almost done polishing, fixing, and editing grammatical mistakes along the image layout before I post on my Tumblr account.  

At 12:45, I'm done with the blog and publish it. I take a break to reward myself for a job well done. I grab leftovers for lunch and a cup of water before moving on to my next task with 3 episodes of Flash.

2:00 p.m. — Finished lunch break after watching 3 episodes of Netflix series (in this class, the Flash. No spoilers, please I am only on Season 2, Episode 13 I have binge watching prior to this post). After lunch, I felt energized and ready to finish the remaining tasks for the day. I then took a quick swim to get some fresh air and get back to work!

I finish up at 4:45 p.m. — Revising my to-do list for tomorrow. Some assignments take longer, especially if they are papers or essays with multiple responses to that one assignment.I try to make sure I'm done with the assignments that require a lot more effort before I leave. That way, I don't have to worry about them the next day and can focus on the smaller tasks. If I need more time, I'll stay a bit later.

5:00 p.m. — I check my emails and respond to any urgent messages.

7:30 pm - 9:00 pm - I finish this assignment and prepare for tomorrow. Didn't have time to do my daily night reading.

[wannabevampire]

Currently thinking about Matt being super soft with his girl when he can tell she’s getting overwhelmed? Like you know when you drop too far and you don’t even realise… he’s pounding her and she’s incoherently babbling his name, his honorific (sir/daddy/etc) and please, hands reaching for him, tears streaking down her face as her heart races… he can tell she’s losing control and is overstimulated, but not in a good way and not like the other times because she’s slipped too far. He immediately stops and pulls out and she cries harder because she thinks she’s done something wrong but he shushes her, cradling her face in his hands. There’s guilt flooding his mind; how did he not notice that she was losing control? He kisses her forehead and nose and cheeks and says he’s sorry if he went too far, tells her in his softest stern dom voice that she’s done, that she did such a good job for him but now daddy’s going to take care of her.

he is SO gentle?? He’ll clean her up, give her a nice little head and shoulder massage after he washes her hair to make her purr as he eases the knots out of her sore muscles, turns on her favourite soft/soothing playlist or feel-good movie. He makes sure she’s fed and hydrated as he cuddles her to sleep, stroking her hair and comforting her when she gets all weepy, making sure that she stays close to him so she feels safe

Matthew, I love you.

( angry protective man with blanket!!!!! )

☆~ head canon blurb thing!!!!

note: this is pretty self indulgent hopefully you guys like it! also, i wrote this at 4 am and i’m running on 3 hours of sleep so my deepest apologies is this makes no sense lol

okay FUCK THE HIATUS this shit is so perfect i love your mind nonnie

him being like this is literally everything i need in life i’m so whduebwjd

okay so:

1. this is just such an accurate description of how i think he would react

&

2. this makes me feel like he would be so good at helping me through my ptsd episodes and i want that so bad🥺 okay sorry we got a little bit too real for a second there-

Matt putting his foot down and telling you you’re done and then immediately going full soft dom mode and taking care of you like his life depends on it.

he would really discretely turn both your phones off, because he knew that the second your alarms rang or texts buzzed you would feel super guilty and pretend like you were fine. A fact that he knew would be untrue. He knew you and your stubborn attitude and knew that one you set your mind to pretending to be fine you would stick with it.

He also knew that the two of you needed a day off. Whatever Foggy had to tell him could wait, so could any complaints your boss had waiting for you.

He’d try to make the room dark and comfortable for you, a task which you helped him with obviously. (which was weirdly perfect because it gave you something to focus on for a brief period of time without it feeling forced)

the next day once you were feeling a bit better he would set up some things for the two of you to do. Small stuff! making box brownies, cross word puzzles he pulled from the morning paper.

(he removed the main pages, no need for you to be worrying about the world today. He learned to count the sections so he knew which pages were in the ‘Art’ category. You’d read him the clues during breakfast and the two of you would lazily try to solve them. On particularly tuff puzzle days you’d both end up realizing the answer at random times during the day, shouting out the answers while you fumbled for the folded piece of paper and scribbled down your guesses. Sometimes they’d be spot on. Other times you’d end up so frustrated all you could do was laugh at the way you both scowled at the little boxes just -one- letter away from being a perfect fit.

He could help himself from throwing in some not so occasional praise whenever you got one right.

“Atta girl.”

“That’s my smart girl.”

“Good girl sweetheart.”

He would set you up with your favorite movie and enough blanket, pillows, and stuffed animals to make you a little cave to hide in on the couch. He make you your favorite meal for dinner while you lay cuddled up on the couch. Because as much as you wanted to stay connected with him 95% of the time, there was always that 5% when you just needed to be alone.

At first this confused him, how you cling to him like you never wanted to leave one second. And retreat away from his touch the text? Eventually he learned more and tried his very best to make you as comfortable as possible.

Once you felt more than ready you’d call Matt over. He’d drop whatever he was doing (safely and within reason) and would be at your side cuddling you within seconds.

“missed you.”

You mumbled into his chest and nuzzled further into his touch.

“I’m right here sweetheart, I’ll always be here.”

He whispered softly, kissing the top of your head.

“Promise?”

You asked, your voice quiet and unsteady.

Matt brought his hand up to your chin, tilting your head up so you could see the earnest expression on his face-and so he could kiss you as soon as the words left his mouth.

“I Promise. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be with you wherever you go even if I can’t be at your side, I’ll be with you.”

He said, his voice soft but strong. His words spoken with such poetic assuredness that it made you tear up a bit as your lips met and the two of you tried to convene as many unspoken confessions to each other as you possibly could.

the feeling of his skin against yours as you mindlessly traced his scars.

the sound of his sighs of content

the way he cared for you.

and the words ‘I love you’

truer words had never been spoken than then endless whispers of:

Matthew, I love you.

…（╹◡╹）♡ …

oh my god? this is so soft? what is happening. this is so self indulgent sorry guys!

fun fact: I LOVE doing the cross word and I’ve been doing them since I was a kid. I would sit around the breakfast table and read the clues aloud to my parents. Partially to blame for the weirdly specific collection of words that is my english vocabulary! Now I just do them by myself or occasionally force my friends to work on them with me. But I would literally die to do this with Matt I feel like he’d be such a good puzzle partner 💞

xoxo,

allie🕊

[kemakoshume]

𝙰𝙻𝙾𝙽𝙴 𝚆𝙸𝚃𝙷 𝚈𝙾𝚄 (𝚃𝚆𝙾) — [𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝟒𝐊 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐛 hosted by the lovely @hornime] ✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑ 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦𝐞: [ 𝐡𝐭𝐭𝐩𝐬://𝐝𝐢𝐠𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐥_𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐧_+_𝐜𝐲𝐛𝐞𝐫_𝐬𝐞𝐱 ] - [ .𝐦𝐩𝟒 ] – (𝐣𝐣𝐤 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫)(𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐬𝐮𝐠𝐮 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫)

a/n; hi guys ~ so... i uh… i took some liberties with the prompt for this collab. this is more of a… creating digital porn sorta thing more than just watching it or doing homemade partner stuff. looking at the medium from the "professional" content creator side, yunno? — this was lightly inspired by the #origamicamp sw thing that was going around on tiktok (& this art by cathexis_art on twt), but i’ve had this concept idea for a while so i’m glad i had an excuse to write it.

+ this will be in four parts! because i have no self-control :D [pt 1 — pt 2 — pt 3 — pt 4]

warnings/content included: part one warnings — sw (onlypans/corn), slightly awkward f!reader, discussions about having sex with a lot of ppl in a short amount of time. this whole first chapter is just fun shit & "worldbuilding." more suggestive than sexy. getting to know some characters sorta things. enjoy :D [4.8k words]

~ playlist i had going while i wrote this: here ~ loose mood board for this fic in case you're interested: here (its messy but oh well lol) ~ enjoy! ଘ(੭ˊ꒳ˋ)੭✧

𝔭𝔞𝔯𝔱 𝔬𝔫𝔢 — 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔟𝔢𝔤𝔦𝔫𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤 ~

𝔵

"So, has everyone signed their model release forms?"

You looked down at the sheet of stark white printer paper in front of you, skimming over the words one last time, your signature still missing from the dotted line:

“I hereby consent to the rules outlined and discussed on the page prior. I, _____ (initial), consent to and willingly participate in the explicit content creation business event organized & held on today's date _____ and agree to follow all rules outlined by the event coordinators on the page prior. I acknowledge that the money(s) earned will be split on a personal accrual basis; meaning, all content creators will post their own content on their own accounts & profit what they make separately on their individual accounts.”

Noted.

“As stated in the event rules page, consent must be given enthusiastically and can be revoked at any time. Content will be reviewed on the last night before dismissal from the premises for approval by all involved parties. Once approved, the content must be advertised and shared as agreed unless all parties concede to terminate the agreement.”

You sighed, reading over the last sentence again and again before releasing your focus on the words. Your eyes flicked up, looking around at your intended coworkers.

All the men and women around you, some new to you and some not, all seemed calm. Some looked devilishly smug, bouncing their legs in barely contained excitement for the weekend to come. Others looked indifferent but pleasant, and some looked bored, probably from the ongoing hour and a half of legal jargon you had all just sat through.

You felt butterflies creeping into your stomach as you looked at the myriad of personalities present in the space. The boy next door, a young brooding hot guy, a muscle pig, a MILF, femme girls, masc girls, an older brooding hot guy with long hair, a walking Dolce & Gabbana advertisement with white hair—and that was just to name a few. Though, you couldn't help it when your eyes were drawn back to the last two; they were the only people in the room that were already caressing each other’s skin, and lazily playing with the loose tendrils of each other’s hair.

It shouldn’t have made you gasp when your gaze was caught by theirs, but it did; and you couldn’t help the flush of red that bloomed beneath your skin when they smiled at you, like starved wolves that have just found a wounded rabbit in a small clearing in flower-filled woods. You broke eye contact, looking back down at your papers to feign interest in the text.

“Everyone done?” the man—a ghastly (albeit adorable) little lawyer that had been hired to handle legalities, said. He dragged his eyes across the room, making half-hearted eye contact with all of the faces situated at and around the large pinewood conference table. “Does anyone have any questions or objections to what we’ve discussed before I take your contracts to be notarized?”

Everyone looked at each other inquisitively, making eyes at each other as if to say, “do you?” You kept yours on your paper. A few beats of silence passed, and just when the lawyer—Ijichi, maybe?—moved to speak again, the white-haired man raised his hand in the air, like a mischievous school child about to pester his favorite, typically timid, teacher.

“No objections Kiyo. Can I call you Kiyo?” he said, ignoring the shaky reply from the sapless man. He lifted off his dark tinted glasses to expose his beautiful azure blue eyes, locking them onto your face.

You looked up, noticing the intensity in his gaze. He looked at you as though he could see every curve and edge of your soul. Maybe he could, who knows? “I think we might have a virgin — so to speak — in the room. Mei Mei, is this one a recruit of yours?”

You looked to your left, dragging your eyes along the sharp lines of the woman’s face. Your gaze settled on her cherry-red lips.

“She is not one of mine but I do wish that she was. I’m assuming you’re our casting call addition, right little one?”

You nodded your head, a soft “yes,” leaving your mouth.

“Ah, so cute,” she cooed, sweeping your hair back behind your ear. “Nervous?”

Your eyes dropped down to the valley of her breasts, the full span of her chest exposed with the excessively low neckline of her flowy lavender dress; the garment also included a lace corset bustier that she’d cinched tightly at her waist, drawing even more attention to the fullness and curves of her body. Her lazuline blue hair draped across her lithe shoulders.

“No,” you said softly, feeling the facade whittle as you will yourself to look the woman in her eyes. “Well, maybe a little. I’ve never done an inventory load with my content before— which, if I’m honest, just means that I’ve never planned on having this much sex in just a few days. But, I am not a virgin so I’m sure I can take it. I’m just having some pre-sex jitters I guess.”

The woman smiled at you, running her manicured nail soothingly up and down the goosebumped surface of your upper arm.

“Oh, don’t be shy love. Don’t worry, we don’t bite. Unless you want us to — of course,” she said with a wink, glancing down at your contract that remained unsigned but not saying much more.

The blue-eyed man looked between the two of you, a coquettish grin on his lips. “We love to hear that. So, Kiya, when exactly can we get on with the fun part?”

You hear a small groan from your left, looking over to see a woman in the middle of an eye roll. She’s beautiful, and you’re sure you’ve seen her online before. Fetish work? Maybe JOI content? Domination? You can’t remember.

You’d researched (watched porn featuring) — at least — fifteen of the people around before coming down to the estate for filming over the weekend; however, after watching so many videos, they had all blended together and you mainly only recognized people vaguely by their faces. You also didn’t get a chance to watch content from them all anyway, so nearly every interaction would be a surprise.

She crumpled up a loose sheet of plain printer paper and chucked it at the tall, white-haired man sitting across from you.

He caught the little ball mere centimeters from his face and dropped it coolly on the smooth surface of the sturdy desk. “The ‘fun part’ starts when you sign your contract instead of sizing up the newbie,” she quips, muttering ‘asshole’ in a hushed tone that everyone in the room could still hear.

“Oh don’t be so sensitive ‘Hime. If you want to take some aggression out you could at least wait until we’re filming.”

Your eyes snapped up to the blue-eyed man’s neck, watching the long-haired man next to him apply a noticeable amount of pressure around the nape, raking his fingers through the loose hair there and pulling it tight.

He noticeably stops talking, and you don’t miss the shared smirk that the woman and the hair-puller exchange. The air feels thicker with heightened tension since most of the people in the room noticed the display.

The lawyer prickled, locking eyes nervously with the tall blonde sitting on the opposite head end of the table from him.

“Kento,” he whispered, not-so silently begging for intervention.

The man rolled his eyes, sitting up taller in his seat. “Satoru, sign. For anyone else who hasn’t signed, if you’re having doubts, that’s fine. No one here is going to force you to make content and we don’t want you to feel pressured. No hard feelings if you decide against participating. We saved this final section of the contract signing until you were all here for a reason. You can still opt-out.”

Your eyes trailed around the room one more time, and you saw nothing but sweet looks and small smiles being exchanged in return. Everyone had signed but you, and it must have shown. A small group of people, two boys and one girl, looked at you quizzically.

The one with pink hair and soft eyes quirked his head, reading you and your face without you saying a word.

“Okay, listen. We’re all here to fuck, make money, and have fun for the weekend, right?” the boy said, glancing at the spiky-haired man by his side. “This should be a no-stress zone! I know I’ll be really bummed if anyone leaves but I think everyone here would understand, yeah? Content weekends aren’t fun unless everyone is genuinely on board. So, speak now or forever hold your peace?”

His tone was light and subduing; any tension left in anyone’s shoulders softened, including your own, as his honey brown eyes went all doe-like similar to a puppy. You giggled a bit to yourself, taken by the young man’s sweet demeanor when you felt eyes on you again.

The man with white hair and his partner were examining you. You felt warm, just from the caress of their eyes along your body. How could you back out without getting to know how their hands would feel? About how all their hands would feel?

You looked down at the contract again, not even reading the words but just taking in what the signature would mean. Your first time doing back to back shoots. Your first time having sex with more than one — okay, two… maybe three — people in one day, and god only knows how many over the whole weekend.

Though, you thought to yourself, they were all professional, experienced, people who respected boundaries and knew what they were doing, and were all quite beautiful to look at.

That thought was… exciting, really, not scary.

“Fuck it,” you sighed, picking up your pen to scribble in your initials, then your full birth name in both signature and printed form across the bottom. “You only live once.”

The group — at least twenty people, give or take — all made a little show of clapping for you, whistling and bumping into each other in thinly veiled excitement as you placed down your pen.

“Well then,” the blonde said, rounding the table to take all of your documents, “thank you Yuuji for the pep talk. With that, if everyone’s signed their paperwork then I think we’re good to go.”

He walked over to the shaky lawyer, helping him clip together the contracts in an organized manner, loading the documents into the man’s very thick, patent leather, briefcase. “Okay, that’s all from me. Have a fun weekend everyone,” he said, bowing a bit as he made his way out of the room, then out of the massive house you were all renting.

It felt like the entire room took a communal sigh of relief as he left. Even the blonde huffed, sliding his hands into his pants pockets as he leaned on a chair. “Alright, I think we’re free now,” he said, eliciting a small round of giggles. “Well, go explore. Rooms are up for grabs on a “finder’s keepers” basis, and they all have toiletries and robes for everyone. The kitchen’s stocked, the outdoor patios will be heated for the night, and it’s just us — on a private lot — for about three miles, so do with that what you will. If you need anything, our management company’s intern Akira is on call and in the area so don’t be afraid to speak up. Any questions?”

No one showed any intention to say anything.

“Good. We’ll discuss matchups for content in detail later after you’re all settled. Now that’s it. Disperse.”

Everyone hopped to their feet immediately and began to scramble around the house, like little ants in search of spilled sugar within the home. You noticed pods of people breaking off on their own; they were likely friends with established chemistry and comfort with each other already.

Some people moseyed around the space, looking around and taking in the decor as they made their way around the rooms. You couldn’t help but be part of the second group.

The home had beautiful decorum arranged well around the massive space. The main area was littered with reimagined art nouveau works that the owner had organized in a gallery-like display on the walls. The furniture was all notably vintage but very well taken care of, and the lighting fixtures that hung high above your head had crystals that made little blings of light dance along the floors and ceilings.

The space was comfortably warm, despite the slight chill coming in from the autumn season outdoors; mainly because of the abundance of natural light coming in from the wall of tempered glass windows, and the space held plenty of flourishing plants that made the air feel rich.

How could a home so grand feel so intimately beautiful?

You made your way up the large winding staircase, looking down the long hallway with staggered heavy oak doors. You walked down, looking passively into each room as you went.

Most housed people in them already, their voices and laughs caring down the wide corridor as you passed by. There were a few rooms with only one bed, though even those had more than one occupant, small piles of people draped on top of each other playfully in their rooms.

Having joined via casting call and not word-of-mouth, nearly everyone was a stranger to you. Would it be awkward to just… waltz into a room and say: “Hello strangers, I’m here to occupy your space.” Maybe they had another friend they were waiting for already, or they thought they’d gotten lucky and no one would take up their space, or…

“Hi!”

You jumped, feeling your soul momentarily detach from your body. “Hi,” you yelled back, swinging your body around to look back at the petite blonde standing a bit too close to your back. You looked the girl up and down inquisitively, momentarily distracted by the pretty blue color of her doe-like eyes.

“Uh, are all the rooms up here taken?” you said, motioning down the hall, noting that the lights were on in most of the rooms though you didn’t know who or what all they contained.

The girl rocked back and forth a bit on her heels, sliding her hands into the cleverly hidden pockets stitched into her dark blue a-line dress. “Well,” she said, dragging the word, “technically no, but also yes. All of us cute younger girls are bunking together in that room at the end. It’s basically a suite — it’s so fucking massive. You can join us if you want! We have enough robes and stuff in there for everyone, and the bathroom has two toilets, and the shower is a waterfall kind. I shit you not we can all fit in there at once, and —”

“Momo,” a voice called from the room, “stop gabbing at the new girl. She can come look at it herself.”

She looked at you, shrugging her shoulders with a giggle. “Yeah, she’s right. Come on, you’re gonna die when you see it.”

You nodded your head, adding a little involuntary bounce to your step as you followed her into the room. “Oh fuck,” you muttered, dropping your bags at your feet as you came face to face with the interior of the space.

There was only one word to really describe the room you’d stumbled your way into: fucking breathtaking.

“Is that,” you stammered, pointing at the expansive ceiling, “is that a recreation of the Sistine Chapel?”

Momo hummed, plopping herself down onto her own bed pushed over and into a corner of the room. There were a few other girls in the room as well, all sifting through their things to pull out whatever they needed for the night.

“Insane right?” one of them — a girl with short black hair and cat-like eyes — said, lazing around on her bed. “God. Nanami and Utahime really outdid themselves with the planning on this one. I’m almost impressed.”

A girl popped up from the floor by her bed, only one earring on correctly, with the other gripped between two of her fingers.

“Hi new girl!" she chirped, sticking her earring back into her ear. "I can’t believe they managed this solely off of the money we all put in. I heard they even got a company to come clean for us and top off the food and stuff while we’re staying here,” the girl—sweet-faced with mint blue hair and eccentric curtain bangs—said, gasping when she realized what she’d said. “Aw, man. I think that was supposed to be a surprise. Don’t say anything! I couldn’t take it if Iori got mad at me.”

All the girls chuckled, including you, watching the girl look like she’d work herself up to tears over spoiling the news if you let her. She plopped down onto a chair in front of the vanity by the black-haired girl's bed.

“Miwa, please. She couldn’t be mad at you if someone put a gun to her head and it’s not a surprise, so relax. She definitely told all of us that.”

“Oh. Thank you, Mai,” she sniffled, wiping away tears that never came. “You’re so sweet sometimes when you try.”

Mai prickled, shouting profanities at Miwa despite how much she cowered, pulling the blue-haired girl down from the stool onto her bed.

You chuckled, looking away from them to move towards the door by the entrance. “What’s in this room?”

The blonde perked up, jumping down from her tall bed. “Oh! It’s an extra room,” she said, opening the door to expose the inside. “It only has a bed and a mirror but we’re gonna turn it into a makeshift content room. Stock it with some extra sheets and towels and have the lighting and everything set up in there already. Convenient right? Now we don’t have to use any of the “smoosh rooms” — whatever the fuck that is — if we don’t want to. I heard the Itadori idiot nickname them that.”

Miwa giggled, her head slotted beside Mai’s as she was pinned to the bed. “I think he’s smart, and really sweet. A lot nicer than your cousin at least, Mai. He is a cutie too though, just in the ‘I’m trying very hard to seem mysterious right now — beg for me to let you see the real me — my favorite color is black and I hate sugar’ — kind of way. I’ll give him that,” she giggled, having — apparently — mimicked the cadence of his voice perfectly.

The black-haired girl chuckled, making a little “ick” noise with her tongue sticking out. “Gross. Thank you for reminding me he’s here. Thank god we’ll probably end up filming content at different times. That way I’ll be busy when he’s doing it, and he’ll be busy while I’m doing it. I don’t wanna see him — or my sister — or hear them and this place is big enough that I probably won’t have to,” she said, a little smile on her face. “Everyone wins.”

You grinned, picking your bags off of the floor to sit them by the unoccupied bed by the window. The girls had all unpacked and arranged their things around the room, save for the space they left untouched for you.

“Where are the content rooms anyway?” Miwa asked, her voice sounding more strained under Mai’s muscular build. “I didn’t see them.”

Mai lifted herself off of Miwa, plopping down onto her side with a huff. “I’m pretty sure they blocked off three rooms downstairs somewhere — just as big as this room apparently, and there’s two blocked off up here, plus our room.”

The girls looked between themselves, all shaking their heads with a shared, “cool.”

“Cool,” you giggled, taking toiletries and clothes out from your bags and sitting the items down on your bed.

The door to the bathroom swung open as you did, a girl with spiced red hair exiting with another person following closely behind her. “Oh, we got another girl?” the ginger said, tying the knot on her robe loosely around her waist, “Sweet. Welcome to the rodeo.”

You caught a glimpse of the bathroom as they exited. It was almost as big as the bedroom.

“I’m Nobara, this is Maki,” she said, motioning to the girl behind her. She gave you a little smile, waving half-heartedly as she dropped down onto her own bed in front of yours.

“Oh, baby,” the ginger said, climbing onto the bed to hover her body over the girl, pulling her into a kiss. “I’m tired, and I want some wine. Did you bring it?”

Momo yelped like she’d made a brilliant discovery of some kind. “Speaking of,” she said, digging around in her bags, “did everyone bring lingerie and/or bathing suits?”

You all hesitated, thinking it over as you rummaged through your own bags.

“I did, actually,” you said, moving around your clothes until you found a little orange two-piece set, sitting it down on your bed. “I didn’t think we’d use the pool but I did see something about a hot tub in the invitational, so, yeah.”

“Wonderful,” the blonde said, fishing her own suit out of her bag. “Bara? Maki? Mai? Miwa? Did you guys b—”

Momo stopped in her tracks, turning her head to see all four girls holding up their suits, still in their beds. She clapped, practically jumping out of her skin with excitement at not only the fact that you all had suits, but that they all looked similar enough aesthetically that you’d look like an ensemble, despite not all being friends.

“Perfect. Then, I have a little proposition for an ice breaker,” she said, reaching into one of her bags to pull out five things: Twister — the board game — boozy wine, a polaroid camera, a few cowboy hats, and a small pile of name tags. “What do you think?”

You looked down at the myriad of items, opening and closing your mouth like a water-starved fish. “I,” you paused, “I’m gonna be honest. I’m a little confused at what I’m looking at.”

The blonde chuckled, tossing you one of the cowboy hats — a bright orange one to match the bikini you’d placed on your bedding. “We’re all about to spend the weekend fucking each other and basically everyone else in this house that we choose. So, what better way to get to know each other than by getting a little tipsy, playing some games, taking pictures — you get the point. What do you think?”

You looked around at the other girls, nodding your head to say yes, and so did they.

“I’m down,” Mai said, getting up to snatch the uncomfortably warm bottle of wine from the petite blonde. “But, why the bathing suits?”

The blonde smirked, taking a little pouch meant for makeup out of her bag. “We should put on a little show. Get dressed, do our hair and makeup, and preview the goods. I mean, we’re here to have sex all weekend. Might as well start off with a bang.”

Miwa laughed, holding onto her stomach, “A ‘bang?’ That’s, oh god, that’s a good one.”

Both Mai and Maki rolled their eyes in tandem, both muttering, “oh jeez,” to themselves. Nobara found it just as funny as the blue-haired girl. You giggled too.

“Okay, you easily entertained little weirdos,” Maki chuckled, lifting her body off of her mattress with her girlfriend still sitting pretty in her lap. “Guess we should get dressed then, hm?”

Nobara nodded, picking her phone up off of the charger next to Maki’s back when her phone screen lit up with a message.

“Megumi says they’re making pizzas downstairs,” she said, moving slowly to get off of Maki. A few beats passed and her phone dings again, and all of a sudden she was moving with vigor, practically running around the room to get ready.

“What’s wrong,” you all croak, slightly disturbed by the whiplash-inducing change in attitude.

Her eyes were wild and crazed and she took off her robe, her bare breasts exposed and her underwear quickly discarded. “He said Yuuji and Todo are already down there.”

Mai dropped her phone on the carpet in her haste to disrobe, slipping on the flimsy, complicated, material of her bikini with unnatural ease.

“Oh fuck, that was a warning! Todo could eat a small house by himself if he wanted to, and I can’t imagine Itadori’s much better,” she said, looking up at you, Momo, and Miwa standing awkwardly as you watched the two rush. “Well hurry up! We’ll starve if we don’t get down there before they have at it. This is not a drill people—go go go!”

She corralled you all into the bathroom like cattle, shoving your makeup bags into your hands like a madwoman. “You’ve got maybe, maybe , ten minutes,” she said, speeding off to do her own makeup at the vanity not far from her bed.

You and the girls shared a look, fumbling around with your makeup and hair tools to get going.

Looks like the weekend had begun.

woohoo, first chapter done. chapter two will be posted either thursday or friday :D crossposted onto ao3: here (♥ω♥*) || @anime-central @crystal-lilac @cursedarchiveblog

[hotcoffeetransformation]

A Helpful Pamphlet

 While searching through a dusty and forgotten box of books and papers that you found in your grandfathers attic, you pull out a small, brightly colored pamphlet that caught your eye. On the cover is a photo of a young, incredibly attractive man in a tank top, grinning up at you in a cocky, seductive, almost hypnotizing way. Above him is a a bright, bold title, reading “The 5 steps of jockification, with pictures!”

Bemused, you turn to the first page of the packet, and begin to read

Step 1: Denial

As the jockification process begins, the new jock will at first not believe what is happening to them, perhaps first dismissing them as mere tricks of the light, or perhaps believing that they just look particularly good today. However, through their obliviousness, the physical changes persist, abs, pecs, biceps and other muscles steadily growing and becoming more defined, face squaring off, becoming more masculine, hair growing healthier and more stylish. Eventually, too the things around them will start to change, their pants becoming much more fashionable, their shirt melting away, or else changing to suit their new physique and appearance. At some point, however, the new jock will inevitably notice the changes in themselves, and realize that this is, in fact, real (pictured below)

You laugh to yourself, reading this strange passage. Does whoever wrote this really think that things like can actually happen? This must be some kind of elaborate joke, a satire of some kind. Still you have to admire the dedication and descriptiveness of it, so you turn the page and continue reading, interested to see what the rest of the pamphlet holds in store

Step 2: Examination

Now that the new jock has realized that what's happening to him is, in fact, 100 percent real, he begins to, out of curiosity, examine himself and the changes he's undergone. He lifts his arms up, examining every muscle and flexing them, amazed at their new and impressive size. His eyes are drawn to his deep cut abs, creating a perfect v, bringing the eyeline straight down to his newly enlarged bulge. Eventually, either through a mirror, or perhaps a phone, he'll begin scanning his face, taking in the square jaw, the piercing eyes, the perfect lips. Of course, through all of this, he won't notice that the panic that was once overwhelming him is steadily subsiding, and his thoughts are starting to slow down as he's filled with a sense of contentment (pictured below)

You chuckle to yourself again, thoroughly amazed at what you're reading. Somebody really took the time to write up and print out a pamphlet detailing something so ridiculous and improbable. And to spell it all out as if it was pure fact, it makes it even more insane. Still, you had to admit, it was kind of a fun read, and you shift in your seat, adjusting your tee shirt, stretched uncomfortably  tight over your muscles before turning to the next page and continuing reading

Step 3: Acceptance

By this point, the new jock has, rather unwittingly, found himself at peace with the changes he's undergone. He takes another look at himself, taking time to adjust his hair, perhaps toying around with an accessory or two, or tracing his fingers along his hard muscles almost absentmindedly. Thoughts continue to drain out of his head, leaving him nuch dumber than before, and that only helps speed up the process exponentially. Finally, and with a small smile, he realizes. He looks good. REAL good. And with that single thought, without so much as a warning, the final phase of his jockification begins (pictured below)

This time, you hardly stop to think before turning over the page to the next section of the booklet. You're very excited to read and learn about what the final phase of jockification is like, and finishing this pamphlet is the only way you'll ever find that out.

Step 4: Broification

At this point, the new jock has undergone all the physical changes necessary to be considered a new jock, but is still lacking the attitude required to truly be one. Luckily, however, with that single thought from the last step, the new jock has unwittingly invited every single change required, giving them open access to himself. As he continues to look at his new body, cocky, narcissistic thoughts begin flooding his head. He doesn't just look good! No, he realizes as he begins flexing and posing to himself in the mirror, he's not just good looking! He's HOT! In fact, in his, he's one of the hottest guys he's ever met, if not THE hottest. With that, as well, comes a new appreciation for other bro's hotness, straight out of nowhere. Of course no one could really understand how hot he is, except for another hot bro like himself. As he thinks that, his brain continues to drain, space that was once reserved for knowledge like math or vocabulary now being filled with thoughts of going to the gym, hitting the beach with his bros, and other such jock activities. Soon enough, the new jock is complete, indistinguishable from any and all of his equally dull, vain friends, completely oblivious to who he used to be before this day. As almost a sort of ritual, nearly every time the new jock will take their phone, raise it up, make a dumb, cocky face, and take a selfie, ready to upload it as the first of MANY new photos of himself about to make their way to Instagram. (Pictured below)

You smile to yourself before letting out a low chuckle. That was a good read! A bit hard to understand at points (You'll have to ask your bros what narcissistic and oblivious mean later) but still a super interesting topic and really hot! The idea of a lame nerd becoming a hot jock sounds amazing, but too good to be true. You go to put the pamphlet away before catching a glimpse of the cover again, and slapping yourself in the forehead. There were FIVE steps! You skipped one! (You really can be such a dumbass sometimes). Laughing, you grab the pamphlet back and turn to the last page, quickly reading

Step 5: Look in the mirror, take a pic, and enjoy!

Confused at why the booklet would say that, you smile and shrug anyway, grabbing out your phone, and preparing for a mirror selfie. Damn you look good today! Seeing a great opportunity, you decide to show off, lifting your shirt up all the way, revealing your impressive pecs and abs, and sticking your tongue out in a cocky expression that says "I'm sexy and I know it". You take a couple different versions of the pic, pleased to see how great they all look. You pick the best one, swiftly uploading it to your strangely empty Instagram, already ready for the likes to roll in. Almost ready to leave, you turn back to the pamphlet. Maybe you could make copies of it? You know of plenty of friends who'd probably enjoy it just as much as you did...

[flightlessnightingale]

On Lesbianism

I’ll state it at the top here, because many have not understood my stance. The purpose of this essay is not to say that Lesbian cannot mean “Female homosexual.” Rather, my objective is to show that Lesbian means more than that single definition suggests. Female Homosexuals are lesbians, unless they personally do not want to use that label. Now, on with the show: Lesbianism is not about gatekeeping, and I don’t want to have to keep convincing people that the movement popularized by someone who wrote a book full of lies and hate speech then immediately worked with Ronald Reagan is a bad movement. In the early ’70s, groups of what would now be called “gender critical” feminists threatened violence against many trans women who dared exist in women’s and lesbian spaces. For example, trans woman Beth Elliott, who was at the 1973 West Coast Lesbian Feminist Conference to perform with her lesbian band, was ridiculed onstage and had her existence protested. In 1979, radical feminist Janice Raymond, a professor at the University of Massachusetts, wrote the defining work of the TERF movement, “Transsexual Empire: The Making of the Shemale,” in which she argued that “transsexualism” should be “morally mandating it out of existence”—mainly by restricting access to transition care (a political position shared by the Trump administration). Soon after she wrote another paper, published for the government-funded, National Center for Healthcare Technology — and the Reagan administration cut off Medicare and private health insurance coverage for transition-related care.

Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminism is a fundamentally unsustainable ideology. Lesbianism is a fundamentally sustainable existence.

There used to be a lesbian bar or queer bar or gay bar in practically every small town — sometimes one of each. After surviving constant police raids, these queer spaces began closing even Before the AIDS epidemic. Because TERFs would take them over, kick out transfems and their friends. Suddenly, there weren’t enough local patrons to keep the bars open, because the majority had been kicked out. With America’s lack of public transportation, not enough people were coming from out of town either.

TERFs, even beyond that, were a fundamental part of the state apparatus that let AIDS kill millions.

For those who don’t know, Lesbian, from the time of Sappho of Lesbos to the about 1970′s, referred to someone who rejects the patriarchal hierarchy. It was not only a sexuality, but almost akin to a gender spectrum.

That changed in the 1970′s when TERFs co-opted 2nd Wave feminism, working with Ronald fucking Reagan to ban insurance for trans healthcare.

TERFs took over the narrative, the bars, the movement, and changed Lesbian from the most revolutionary and integral queer communal identity of 2 fucking THOUSAND years, from “Someone who rejects the patriarchal hierarchy” to “A woman with a vagina who’s sexually attracted to other women with vaginas”

How does this fit into the bi lesbian debate? As I said, Lesbian is more of a Gender Spectrum than anything else, it was used much in the same way that we use queer or genderqueer today.

And it’s intersectional too.

See, if you were to try to ascribe a rigid, biological, or localized model of an identity across multiple cultures, it will fail. It will exclude people who should not be excluded. ESPECIALLY Intersex people. That’s why “Two Spirit” isn’t something rigid- it is an umbrella term for the identities within over a dozen different cultures. In the next two sections, I have excerpts on Two-Spirit and Butch identity, to give a better idea of the linguistics of queer culture: This section on Two-Spirit comes from wikipedia, as it has the most links to further sources, I have linked all sources directly, though you can also access them from the Wikipedia page’s bibliography: Two-Spirit is a pan-Indian, umbrella term used by some Indigenous North Americans to describe Native people who fulfill a traditional ceremonial and social role that does not correlate to the western binary. [1] [2] [3] Created at the 1990 Indigenous lesbian and gay international gathering in Winnipeg, it was "specifically chosen to distinguish and distance Native American/First Nations people from non-Native peoples." [4] Criticism of Two-Spirit arises from 2 major points, 1. That it can exasperate the erasure of the traditional terms and identities of specific cultures.           a. Notice how this parallels criticisms of Gay being used as the umbrella           term for queer culture in general. 2. That it implies adherence to the Western binary; that Natives believe these individuals are "both male and female" [4]          a. Again, you’ll notice that this parallels my criticisms of the TERF definition of Lesbian, that tying LGBT+ identities to a rigid western gender binary does a disservice to LGBT+ people,—especially across cultures. “Two Spirit" wasn’t intended to be interchangeable with "LGBT Native American" or "Gay Indian"; [2] nor was it meant to replace traditional terms in Indigenous languages.  Rather, it was created to serve as a pan-Indian unifier. [1] [2] [4] —The term and identity of two-spirit "does not make sense" unless it is contextualized within a Native American or First Nations framework and traditional cultural understanding. [3] [10] [11] The ceremonial roles intended to be under the modern umbrella of two-spirit can vary widely, even among the Indigenous people who accept the English-language term. No one Native American/First Nations' culture's gender or sexuality categories apply to all, or even a majority of, these cultures. [4] [8] Butch: At the turn of the 20th century, the word “butch” meant “tough kid” or referred to a men’s haircut. It surfaced as a term used among women who identified as lesbians in the 1940s, but historians and scholars have struggled to identify exactly how or when it entered the queer lexicon. However it happened, "Butch” has come to mean a “lesbian of masculine appearance or behavior.” (I have heard that, though the words originate from French, Femme & Butch came into Lesbian culture from Latina lesbian culture, and if I find a good source for that I will share. If I had to guess, there may be some wonderful history to find of it in New Orleans—or somewhere similar.) Before “butch” became a term used by lesbians, there were other terms in the 1920s that described masculinity among queer women. According to the historian Lillian Faderman,“bull dagger” and “bull dyke” came out of the Black lesbian subculture of Harlem, where there were “mama” and “papa” relationships that looked like butch-femme partnerships. Performer Gladys Bentley epitomized this style with her men’s hats, ties and jackets. Women in same-sex relationships at this time didn’t yet use the word “lesbian” to describe themselves. Prison slang introduced the terms “daddy,” “husband,” and “top sargeant” into the working class lesbian subculture of the 1930s.  This lesbian history happened alongside Trans history, and often intersected, just as the Harlem renaissance had music at the forefront of black and lesbian (and trans!) culture, so too can trans musicians, actresses, and more be found all across history, and all across the US. Some of the earliest known trans musicians are Billy Tipton and Willmer “Little Ax” Broadnax—Both transmasculine musicians who hold an important place in not just queer history, but music history.

Lesbian isn’t rigid & biological, it’s social and personal, built up of community and self-determination.

And it has been for millennia.

So when people say that nonbinary lesbians aren’t lesbian, or asexual lesboromantics aren’t lesbian, or bisexual lesbians aren’t lesbian, it’s not if those things are technically true within the framework — It’s that those statements are working off a fundamentally claustrophobic, regressive, reductionist, Incorrect definition You’ll notice that whilst I have been able to give citations for TERFs, for Butch, and especially for Two-Spirit, there is little to say for Lesbianism. The chief reason for this is that lesbian history has been quite effectively erased-but it is not forgotten, and the anthropological work to recover what was lost is still ongoing. One of the primary issues is that so many who know or remember the history have so much trauma connected to "Lesbian” that they feel unable to reclaim it. Despite this trauma, just like the anthropological work, reclamation is ongoing.

Since Sappho, lesbian was someone who rejects the patriarchal hierarchy. For centuries, esbian wasn’t just a sexuality, it was intersectional community, kin to a gender spectrum, like today’s “queer”. When TERFs co-opted 2nd Wave feminism, they redefined Lesbian to “woman w/ a vag attracted to other women w/ vags”. So when you say “bi lesbians aren’t lesbian” it’s not whether that’s true within the framework, it’s that you’re working off a claustrophobic, regressive, and reductionist definition.

I want Feminism, Queerness, Lesbianism, to be fucking sustainable.

I wanna see happy trans and lesbian and queer kids in a green and blue fucking world some day.

I want them to be able to grow old in a world we made good.

[under-the-cherrytree]

Meant to be here❣︎

Amane Yugi x reader

Warning: talks about mental diseases like depression, talk about suicide, attempt suicide

A/n: okay this is self indulgence… This is also based on true traumatizing events that have happened recently to me so I wrote this to try and cope a bit..

When you get traumatized by something, what do you do? You write an Amane x reader about it-

This is also kinda random crap on a page so-

I hope you enjoy my pain of being taken to a mental hospital-

You groaned as the lady behind you placed the cart down a second before the man in front of you did. The man walked over to the big hospital doors, making sure it was locked before he nodded at the woman. She walked in front of you, bending down she unstrapped the two straps around your legs that held you to the cart. 

“You can stand up now” She smiled. How the hell could she just smile at your misery? “You will be staying here for a few days..” You stood up, almost falling due to being strapped down for too long. You walked in what looked like a main room, a TV and table in the center of the room. What caught your attention was a boy that sat on the chair, messing around with a puzzle piece before looking at you. His amber eyes looked at you for a moment before you felt someone grab your arm. 

“Let me check your blood pressure and temperature! Sit, sit!” She pointed at a chair in the corner of the room with medical stuff hanging from it. Without saying anything you sat down, looking at the boy again only to see he was looking somewhere else. You sighed, lowering your eyes to your feet as the nurse put the thermometer in your mouth and quickly took it out again.

“Can I use the phone…?” You looked over at the nurse. 

“Of course! Here let me get it for you…” She stood up, summoning you to follow her which you did.

“Try and spend only fifteen minutes on it… others might want to use it too. And when the call is over, go to someone at the front desk, we will assist you from there.” She hands you a small, old phone. You quickly dialed your parents' number in praying they will pick up.

“Hello?” A woman said on the other line.

“Mom!” You practically shouted into the phone “How are you…?” 

“I’m good, just watching some T.V.” She said in a monotone voice. 

“Really…? You are at home…? You aren’t angry about the situation?” 

“No Y/n, I am very disappointed that you are there. This is very embarrassing for me, what am I going to tell my family? It’s your fault, you talked to the doctor and the doctor recommended you go to the er.”

“Yeah but I didn't know the er would take me to a loony bin!” 

“That's your fault. If they think this is what is better for you then it must be, I’m not a professional.”

“But mom…! Can’t you get me out of here?! I want to go home…”

“Sorry Y/n, but I have no more control over you. They took my custody away. And if child protective services get involved I can't stop them, you will be taken away from me and I can't do anything about it. Maybe it's for the best. Maybe I’m not a good mom.” She said so bluntly, without any care. Not caring if you would be taken away from her. Tears formed in your eyes hearing her words not wanting to be taken away from an environment you were used to. 

“They are going to keep you there for three days to watch you… they already think you are a threat to yourself. The doctor said that you said ‘if I go home tonight I will kill myself’” Your mom said, causing your eyes to widen in shock.

“That I said… what…?” You could barely form words at the lie your doctor said using your false words against your true ones “But I never said that… I never said I was going to kill myself…”

“You didn't? Well it's not like anyone is going to believe you, it's your word against the doctors.”

“But the doctor's words aren't true..! It’s crap that only I know it's true… why wont they believe me...!” 

“This happens… doctors believe other doctors so they can lie all they want. You shouldn’t have got caught up in the system Y/n… it can break you if it wanted to…” 

“Ma’am.” The nurse interrupted you before you could say another word. “It’s 3:00… it's room time. You will stay in your room until 4:00.” 

“Room time…?” You repeated.

“Yes, no phone calls during room time.”

“Okay… mom I have to go. Talk later, maybe, okay..?”

“Sure, talk later I guess.” You hung up the phone and placed it on the table.

“Your room is right over there. You currently have no roommate but that might change soon..” The nurse pointed to a door right across the hall which you assumed was ‘your room’. You nodded and walked over to the room door, opening it with the weird door knob. You closed the door behind you, sitting down in the plain bed with a blanket and one pillow. 

You felt your body break as you fell onto the bed, tears leaving your eyes and staining the pillow. Your mothers words rang through your head, repeating over and over through your ear. 

“I’m… a disappointment now…” You mumbled to yourself, crying more.

You didn’t want this life anymore.

Around 45 minutes later, you finally calmed down a bit when you heard a knock at your door. The person outside didn't even wait for you to answer when they opened the door and walked in. 

“It’s almost 4:00, that means group activities. Let's go.” She said, holding the door open for you. You got up and followed the nurse into a room with a big table and some chairs, some chairs already taken by other patients.

“Go sit anywhere” The lady said and closed the door leaving you in there. You looked around, fiddling with the rim of your shirt as you looked for a seat. You quickly walked to a seat in the back, examining the room and all the people you should be staying with for a while. 

You heard the chair next to you pull out and you looked to who was sitting next to you. The same amber eyes that looked at you earlier were staring at you now as well. You jumped in your seat seeing the way the boy stared at you, growing nervous. You couldn’t help but blush at how cute he was, staring at you with intense eyes, but his eyes looked duel… sad almost. It might have been just you but he looked like he was crying…

Before you could even open your mouth to speak, an older blond woman entered the room.

“Good afternoon!” She smiled “How are you guys today?” No one made a sound. You could feel the awkward tension rising as you only got more nervous by it. 

“Okay then… Well today we will be questioning someone else like an interview about different things they like! I have a paper full of questions, you can work with the person sitting next to you.” You almost instantly looked at the choppy haired boy. The woman passed out the paper of the positive question you placed it between you and the boy.

“Amane.” The boy said, softly yet sternly.

“What was that…?” You asked, not sure what you heard the first time.

“My name is Amane. Amane Yugi.” He turned to you. 

“Oh! I’m Y/n, Y/n L/n” You smiled a bit, happy he was at least talking to you. 

“Why are you here?”

You didn’t want to answer that question… not right now...

“Well… It was more of a misunderstanding… I wasn’t supposed to come here, I was supposed to seek counselling with a therapist but the doctor lied about what I said and I ended up here…” 

“Oh… okay.” 

“How did you end up here?” 

“I don't want to talk about it…”

“Oh…” You felt shivers go down your spine hearing his serious tone.

“I do hope you get out of here, but that isn’t going to be easy…”

“Oh…” you turned to him “thanks then… I hope I get out of here as well”

“You should really be careful here as well… this place is the thing that drives you insane. If you act normal for three days you should be good to get out..”

“Right… but what about you…?” 

“I’m stuck here. I don't think there is hope for me to get out. But there is for you…” He aura got sadder and quieter as you looked at him in pity.   

“Amane I-”

“I’ll help you Y/n” 

“You… you will…?” 

“Of course… I have nothing better to do after all” He leaned back in his chair with a smile.

“But why…?” You asked nervously. Can you even trust him? He is in a mental hospital.

“Why?” He looked at you, his lips quickly forming into a smirk. “Well I guess… you are quite sexy~” 

“I-I’m what-?!” You punched his arm.

“Hey! Calm down, I was only teasing! But if you do end up staying, I promise I will protect you from this place. I guess you can say… I just feel like we were both meant to be here… meant to meet each other”

“Meant to be here…?” You repeated to yourself, confused. But not yet did you know that he was correct. You two were really meant for each other. 

Again, random crap but if this gets popular enough I might do a part two cause why not-

[lastchancevillagegreen]

Saturday, 5 November 2022 (Champaign/ Exile On Main Street):

B-Sides, Demos & Rarities PJ Harvey (Island) (released 4 November 2022)

PJ Harvey fooled us all by releasing one more completely unexpected three disc package to go along with her two year reissue campaign.  This a three disc set containing just what it says: B-Sides, demos and rarities but it would be rare if any of these sort of pleasing releases were actually 100% complete.  That’s not my purpose of the post to complain, I’m just pointing out they are never fully comprehensive. 

That being said, I’m excited by this reissue as it effectively closes her reissue program and starting in January I am going to listen to every single one of her reissues I bought (21 albums and eight CDs not counting this set).  I’m looking forward to hearing them and it is looking like she my be my preeminent artist of 2023.  (If I finally undertake to do The Wedding Present and Cinerama they may become the lead artist of 2023.)

Above are the following photos: the first shows the cover of the album.  This is a four panel gatefold digipak so the second shot reveals what you see when you open the set up the first time.  That third photo reveals it in all its glory, when you open up and reveal all four panels.  Each panel holds something.  The first three contain sleeves which hold a single CD and the fourth panel contains the booklet which gives you track credits.  The final photo above shows the back of the album.  Below you can see a close up shot of the hype sticker on the cover of the album.  This looks exactly like all the other hype stickers on each individual reissue in Harvey’s reissue program.

The next photo shows you the front of all three sleeves which contain the CDs and then the front of the booklet.  The first sleeve at top is for Disc 1, then moving right top is Disc 2.  The first sleeve at the bottom is for Disc 3 and the booklet is the fourth. 

I can assure you I don’t much like the use of white paper as a back ground here.  I took individual shorts of each sleeve, front and back, and it looks better but I decided to contain space (otherwise I would have had 17 individual shots for this whole set).  So, the mismatched lines of white paper are stuck here for all eternity or until electricity disappears from earth and we are all living on Mars like Ewon Musket believes is going to happen.  The next photo below is a sample page of what the booklet looks like. 

The final three shots are individual shots of all three CDs.  Naturally I start with CD 1 and work down.

Let’s talk about the cover of the set.  I find it peculiar and I’ve never encountered such a watermark as this before.  The photographer of the cover is Maria Mochnacz who has shot Harvey throughout her career and is responsible for such great album covers and singles as Rid of Me, Man-Size, 50 Foot Queenie, To Bring You My Love (she also shot the video from which that cover is taken, Down By The Water).  It took me forever to understand that the writing on Harvey’s face isn’t a foreign word but is instead the name of the photographer of the photo.  I am completely unaware if this was actually written on Harvey’s face or if it was placed on there digitally.  Once I understood that it was Harvey’s longtime photographer and video director, I began thinking of a variety of ways this was rather funny and a statement about today’s brazen willingness to steal photographs from everyone without consenting credit or even extending credit when due to the photographer.  (I have another theory about this as an attack on traditional masculinity but when I wrote out how I came about this theory and then re-read it, it read like a QAnon nuthouse theory and I quickly deleted it.  Ask me and I’ll tell you, but I’ll not write it out because the more I think about it the more I do sound slightly off kilter. And no, I’m no QAnon or conservative, I’m a champion left-wing Liberal and damn proud of that fact.)  The outcome of all of this is I am starting to like the cover more and more.  (My second wife, who I’ve discussed here, despises it but she knows zip about Harvey and less about artist challenges and risks.)

[anguisette90]

Things I needed to do today:

1.) Write 8-10 page paper that is worth 25% of my grade for this class and is due by midnight tomorrow.

Things I did today:

1.) Wrote fanfiction

2.) Read fanfiction aloud to myself

3.) Browsed Tumblr

4.) Watched a third of a season of a Spiderman cartoon

5.) Read exactly 2/3rds of one article for my paper and took like, two bullet points of notes

Things I didn't do today:

1.) Write my paper

[misskasu]

Module 3: Blog Assignment 

Today’s digital media diary was slightly different from the one posted about two weeks ago. The first thing I usually do is check my Gmail from both accounts around 7 am. In a departure from my last post, before 7 am this morning, I decided to be brave enough to kill two birds with one stone and complete this blog assignment with extra credit.

5:20 am - Log into Canvas. And watched " In a Nutshell Zuboff: surveillance capitalism and Democracy on YouTube, " about a 17-minute video. After watching the video, I better understand how technology has shaped our lives. I also became aware of the potential hazards of data used in our society. I am now more conscious of the importance of data privacy, even if I have nothing to hide.

5:40 - 6:10 Read the article "Surveillance Capitalism: What It Is and How It Impacts Democracy" and created a mind map of surveillance capitalism. Started writing an essay on the topic. Developed a thesis statement. Researched more information about this topic. Checked the essay for errors. As part of the essay, I wrote a conclusion and submitted it.

6:10 - I posted the final result online on my Tumblr page.

6:26- Responded to Melissa Radojevic by mentioning that I was aware of the issue of data metrics, and posting at such a young age was a blessing. And since then, I have taken extra steps to protect my personal information. I have also been more conscious of my content. Further, I have taken the necessary steps to ensure that my accounts are private and that I only connect with people I trust.

7: 30- 8:15 AM After I shower, I always start my morning with maintenance. I check my email out as much in the spam and check in with all the clubs and my grandmother. I like to do wordle/digits from the New Times.  My Grandmother lives in Michigan, so she almost will Always do it before me and often gives me hints. But today, I finished before she did. I also cleaned out my spam from both email accounts and double-checked assignments from my other classes.

10:00 am to 12:30 — Pandora (in the background) 

I turn on Pandora working on while I work on today’s blog diary and take a look at the extra credit.   I turn on Pandora working on while I work on today’s blog diary and look at the extra credit.   I make sure to take breaks every 15 minutes to stretch and clear my head. I review the content I wrote and make any necessary changes.

At 12:30, I'm done with the line, almost done polishing, fixing, and editing grammatical mistakes along the image layout before I post on my Tumblr account.   

 

At 12:45, I'm done with the blog and publish it. I take a break to reward myself for a job well done. I grab leftovers for lunch and a cup of water before moving on to my next task with 3 episodes of Flash.

2:00 p.m. — Finished lunch break after watching 3 episodes of Netflix series (in this class, the Flash. No spoilers, please I am only on Season 2 Episode 13 I have binge watching prior to this post). After lunch, I felt energized and ready to finish the remaining tasks for the day. I then took a quick swim to get some fresh air and get back to work!

I finish up at 4:45 p.m. — Revising my to-do list for tomorrow. Some assignments take longer, especially if they are papers or essays with multiple responses to that one assignment. I try to ensure I'm done with the assignments requiring much more effort before I leave. That way, I don't have to worry about them the next day and can focus on the smaller tasks. If I need more time, I'll stay a bit later.

5:00 p.m. — I check my emails and respond to any urgent messages.

7:30 pm - 9:30 pm - I finish this assignment and prepare for tomorrow. Didn't have time to do my daily night reading. This is a screenshot of the song on Pandora as I am about to publish this on Tumblr (after I edit this, of course)

[mythgenderedloki]

To celebrate Loki being confirmed as canonically queer in the Loki series, please enjoy this 12,000 word, fully referenced dissertation exploring Loki’s genderfluidity in Norse Mythology and Marvel comics....

Myth-gendering Loki: Changing attitudes to gender non-binary in the afterlives of the Prose Edda.

Abstract

 This dissertation focuses on the character of Loki in the Prose Edda and in Marvel Comics as a way of exploring non-binary gender. The first chapter will use myths involving Loki as case studies through which a queer reading of the Prose Edda can be performed. Developing on the notion that the gender ambiguity in the Edda sets the foundation for Loki being a queer character, the second chapter will acknowledge how some of the most recent interpretations of Loki have fully embraced this aspect of his character and will therefore examine how this is presented through the two different mediums of comics and novels. The value of queer reading means that greater representation can be found not just in modern texts but can be sought out in the historical as well. Through the course of this dissertation, the importance of queer representation has been argued with regards to its place in history and to young adult audiences.

 List of Illustrations

 Figure                                                                                                                                                   Page

1.       Stan Lee et al Journey into Mystery (New York: Marvel Comics, 1952), #85          35

2.       Al Ewing et al Loki: Agent of Asgard (New York: Marvel Comics, 2020), #2            35

3.       Al Ewing et al Loki: Agent of Asgard (New York: Marvel Comics, 2020), #14          35

4.       Al Ewing et al Loki: Agent of Asgard (New York: Marvel Comics, 2020), #2            35

5.       Al Ewing et al Loki: Agent of Asgard (New York: Marvel Comics, 2020), #5            36

6.       Al Ewing et al Loki: Agent of Asgard (New York: Marvel Comics, 2020), #16          36

7.       Walter Simonson et al, Thor (New York: Marvel Comics, 1966). #353                    36

   Contents

 List of Illustrations

Introduction: ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 1

Chapter One: Loki in the Edda: ………………………………………………………………………………….. 4

             Gender Ambiguity: ………………………………………………………………………………………… 5

             Sexual Deviance: …………………………………………………………………………………………… 10

             Race: ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 15

Chapter Two: Loki in Marvel: ……………………………………………………………………………………. 20

             Genderfluidity: ………………………………………………………………………………………………. 21

             Existing as Queer: ………………………………………………………………………………………….. 28

             Identity: …………………………………………………………………………………………………………. 30

Conclusion: ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 37

Bibliography: ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 39

  Introduction

 ‘The greatest power of myth: it never stops changing, yet its appeal is eternal’.[1]

Mythology is not something which is set. With every telling and retelling it changes over and over. Even before Snorri Sturluson wrote the Prose Edda in C.1220, the myths he would commit to paper had undergone countless changes innumerable times. Once they had found their way onto the page, the assumption that they would remain there, unchanged, is therefore unwarranted. As Christopher Abram states: ‘Myths of the Pagan North have grown, changed and developed to meet the needs of the new situations in which they find themselves’.[2] With regards to this concept of changeable mythology, this dissertation sets out to examine how the Prose Edda has been changed and developed to adapt to the requirements of modern societies. Using the character of Loki as a point of entry, this dissertation will examine how the Prose Edda has been interpreted to meet these requirements, centring around the concept of non-binary gender. To achieve this, both the original text and Marvel Comic’s interpretation of Loki will be examined through a critical gender and queer perspective.

Gender as something else which is not fixed is an idea first suggested by Judith Butler. Her 1990 book Gender Trouble theorises the concept of performative gender, suggesting that masculinity and femininity are not fixed and are instead performed identities which are acted out constantly. In short gender is not a matter of biology, but instead something governed by the arbitrary rules of a heteronormative ethos. These rules, therefore, can be broken leading to the rise of gender identities that exist outside the sphere of heteronormativity. Genderfluidity and non-binarism define themselves as resistive to the conformed ideas of a binary between masculine and feminine. These terms are not only useful for defining gender identities found in our modern societies but can also be used as tools to re-examine the Edda with, using a queer lens to scrutinize gender performance in this text.

The queer lends itself effectively to the Edda because of the numerous examples of gender inversions. The Poetic Edda especially features gender deviance, with Thor crossdressing in the Thrymskviða,[3] and the questioning of Odin’s masculinity in the Lokasenna.[4] However, for the purpose of this dissertation, only Loki’s role in the Prose Edda will be examined due to it being the most consistent in terms of gender ambiguity and elements of the queer. Although Loki changes between male and female in both this text and the Marvel texts, the pronouns of he/ him will be used to remain consistent with the primary texts.  Queer scholarship of the Edda does have some recent precedents, with critics like Brit Solli examining the role of Odin as a queer god, but historically the queer elements of the Edda have been explained away.[5] The main reason cited for this is the difference between the perception of the queer today and of its perception during the composing of the Edda. Although it is true that placing modern terms onto historical texts and forcing certain characters into categories that did not exist at the time can be problematic, this does not mean that a queer reading does not have relevance. Instead, it opens a new way of understanding a culturally significant text.

The Edda has experienced multiple literary afterlives, from Wagner’s Ring Cycle to a significant influence on Tolkien’s work. Most people, however, will first encounter Norse mythology through the medium of Marvel, especially after the phenomenon of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. This is why two Marvel texts, Al Ewing’s 2014-15 comic series Loki: Agent of Asgard and Mackenzi Lee’s 2019 Young Adult novel  Loki: Where Mischief Lies, have been selected as examples of how mythology has been adapted to meet the needs of their new situation, namely queer representation. Loki is canonically queer in these texts, both in his sexual orientation and gender identity. Increasing diversity has been a clear part of Marvel’s agenda over the last decade, though usually through the introductions of new characters, like Kamala Khan as Ms Marvel. Loki is one of the few already established characters to be reinvented as queer. Although Marvel’s Loki is an entirely separate character to the one found in the Edda, he retains the same archetypical characteristics ensuring he resonates with the original. Whether queerness is one of these innate to Loki and is therefore essential to his character will be examined.

Why Loki so effortlessly lends himself to queer interpretations, evidence of his genderfluidity as well as the intersection of the queer, gender and race will be explored in the first chapter. Marvel’s interpretation and embracement of Loki as a genderfluid and queer character will be the focus of the second, examining how genderfluidity is presented, the pressure to conform to heteronormative societies, and the overarching issue of identity. More widely, this dissertation will argue for the queering of characters from the Edda in modern adaptations.

 Chapter One: Loki in the Edda

 The Prose Edda is one of our main sources for Norse Mythology. However, as it was written in Iceland around C.1220, the Edda was composed several centuries after Norse paganism had been widely practiced with Christianity replacing it as Iceland’s main religion.[6] The author Snorri Sturluson himself was a Christian and, according to Robert Kellogg, ‘largely functions as a collector or reteller’.[7] I mention this not to question the authenticity of the Edda, but to demonstrate that mythology is always subjected to change. Jan de Vries argues that Norse Mythology has undergone three different stages; a period without Christian influence, suppression from Christian forces, and a final version corrupted by a Christian presence.[8] Those backlashing against diversifying mythological figures often cite ‘original’ texts like the Edda, suggesting diversifying is corrupting the ‘real’ version of this figure. If the oldest existing version of Loki was changed to fit a Christian narrative, why should he not be changed again in modern texts to fit a narrative of queer representation? Nevertheless, this chapter will use the Edda as a way of finding evidence that even this version of Loki has innate queerness.

In the Gylfaginning, where Snorri lists all the main gods, Loki is positioned in between the male Æsir and female Asyniur.[9] Anna Birgitta Rooth refers to this position as a ‘special appendix’[10] which separates Loki from the Æsir gods he is ‘reckoned among’.[11] He is listed after the minor Æsir, making him the last of all the male gods, as this denotes his position as an outsider in the gods society. It also places him in between the male and female categories, hinting at his gender ambiguity. Snorri makes sure that Loki’s sexual deviancy is presented to his audience by listing Loki’s monstrous offspring alongside him, ‘One was Fenriswolf, the second Iormungand (i.e. the Midgard serpent), the third is Hel’, in addition to his mixed racial heritage. [12] When stating Loki’s name, ‘He is Loki or Lopt, son of the giant Fabauti’, Snorri identifies him as the child of the enemies of the gods. [13]

In Loki’s first significant appearance in the Edda, it is possible to read gender ambiguity, queer sexual deviance, and racial anxiety. Some readings of the Edda will try to explain these elements of Loki away. [14] For example, Rooth argues against examples of Loki sexual ambiguity as ‘a motif used to produce comical effects and situations’.[15] This dissertation will instead embrace queerness in the Edda, using Loki as a focal point that intersects gender ambiguity, sexual deviance, and racial anxiety. These three elements of Loki will form the structure of this queer reading of the Edda.

 Gender Ambiguity

Before analysing the gender binary found in the Edda, it is important to establish what this meant to medieval Scandinavian societies. For the time of the Edda’s creation and the subsequent oral tradition of Norse myths, Thomas Laqueur defines a ‘one sex model’ where ‘to be a man or a woman was to hold a social rank, a place in society, to assume a cultural role, not to be organically one or the other of two incommensurable sexes.’[16] With regards to this model, Carol J. Clover argues that male and female were not considered opposite in the way modern societies tend to view them. Instead there was ‘a social binary, a set of two categories, into which all persons were divided, the fault line runs not between males and females per se, but between able-bodied men (and the exceptional woman) on one hand and, on the other, a kind of rainbow coalition of everyone else’.[17] This meant that gender was not necessarily assigned to biological characteristics but social ones and, consequently, fluctuated with social status. This can be linked to modern gender theories regarding the connection, or lack of, between biological sex and gender identity. Butler’s theory is particularly notable, arguing that ‘there is no gender identity behind the expressions of gender; that identity is performatively constituted by the very “expressions” that are said to be its results’.[18] However, during the Norse period, Clover notes the peril that came with this one-sex system: ‘Not only losable by men, but achievable by women, masculinity was in a kind of double jeopardy for the Norse man’.[19]

The notion of losable and achievable masculinity is illustrated by a story found in the Skaldskaparmal section of the Edda. After the kidnapping of Idunn (which Loki both caused and remedied), the giantess Skadi ‘took helmet and mail-coat and all weapons of war and went to Asgard to avenge her father’ the giant Thassi, who had been killed by the Æsir gods. [20] As part of her compensation for this, Skadi demanded that the gods made her laugh, believing this would be impossible. The task fell to Loki who uses a rather unconventional method: ‘he tied a cord round the beard of a certain nanny-goat and the end round his testicles, and they drew each other back and forth and both squealed loudly. Then Loki let himself drop into Skadi’s lap, and she laughed’.[21] Each character in this tale represents a different aspect of fluidity within the Norse gender binary: Loki represents the loss of masculinity; Skadi represents the gaining of masculinity and the goat itself represents a kind of sexual ambivalence.

Loki’s loss of symbolic masculinity is demonstrated through physical loss in this mock castration. Stefanie von Schnurbein describes this as ‘an act that places his dubious sexuality and gender identity in a grotesque light’.[22] Loki is not only physically sacrificing his masculinity, but his symbolic masculinity simultaneously. This demonstrates ‘dubious sexuality’ because Loki is displaying his testicles in a show of masculinity only to have them symbolically removed by an animal. This willingness to sacrifice his physical gender characteristics supports Butler’s concept that gender is performative and therefore has no relation to biological sex because Loki takes on a performative role, playing a sexually impotent male. Consequently, he is placed into the gendered jeopardy that Clover suggests since he loses his maleness and, therefore, his social status. This reduction in status is a fitting punishment for Loki who betrays both the gods and the giants earlier in this myth so ends up being humiliated for their entertainment. Clover notes how in Medieval Scandinavian society ‘there was finally just one "gender," one standard by which persons were judged adequate or inadequate, and it was something like masculine’.[23] In this system, Loki is undoubtedly found inadequate, and fails to meet the standard of masculinity, placing him on the opposite side of the binary.

Evidence of this decreased masculinity can be found in the position Loki ends up in. He falls into Skadi’s lap, thus ends up sitting on top of her which, in addition to his exposed genitals, creates a sexually charged image.[24] However, Loki is in the female position while Skadi is in the male for this pseudo sex position.[25] Clover notes how, despite gender not being connected to biological sex, the Norse gender system has a ‘dependence on sexual imagery’, meaning that Loki being positioned sexually as female adds to his decreased masculine status. [26] This demonstrates not only how Loki has lost his masculine status, but how Skadi has gained her own masculinity.

This increase in masculinity therefore increases Skadi’s status. She wears a helmet and mail-coat to take on the celebrated masculine image of a warrior;  a position that was accessible to women in medieval Scandinavian society as long as they gained the necessarily masculine traits and became, as Clover states, ‘exceptional’.[27] It is this embodiment of the ‘exceptional woman’ that allows Skadi to take revenge in the first place. Preben Meulengracht Sørensen argues that in Medieval Scandinavian society ‘a woman cannot herself take revenge; she must do so through the agency of a man’.[28] Skadi refutes this. Although she does not repay the death of her father in violence, she succeeds avenging her loss through the humiliation of Loki, whose betrayal led to her father’s demise. On the other hand, Sørensen may be right to say only men can take revenge. Skadi has gained enough masculinity to be perceived as socially male within the Norse gender binary. She takes on the image of a warrior and goes to Asgard to demand compensation to restore her family’s honour.  The fact her biological sex is female makes little difference. Clover explains that Medieval Scandinavian society was ‘a world in which a physical woman could become a social man’, and this is what Skadi achieves. [29] In later myths, such as the Lokasenna, she is seen feasting with the gods demonstrating her heightened status considering she is not only female, but a giant as well. Moreover, Skadi lives independently without a male guardian. Although she may replace her father with Niord, the husband she gains as part of her compensation for her father’s death, this marriage fails and Skadi lives alone. According to Clover, Medieval Scandinavian society was ‘a universe in which maleness and femaleness were always negotiable, always up for grabs, always susceptible to ‘conditions’.[30] Snorri’s literature provided a safe space to explore these ideas and push the limits of this system. A system that accepted a certain fluidity between genders, but the condition was always one that supported a transition from female to social male but derided the reverse.

The final and most surprising character in this myth is the goat itself. Although seemingly playing only a minor role, the goat symbolises sexual ambiguity and the transition between genders. The nanny-goat is a female animal with male characteristics such as a beard thus combines masculine and feminine in one form, making it a symbol of gender non-conformity. Beards particularly in Norse literature are symbolic of male vitality.[31] There is a connection, quite literally, between Loki and the goat which implies Loki himself is sexual ambiguous. The goat is the one who removes Loki’s masculinity, and therefore, is the vessel through which Loki transitions from physically male to socially female. Margaret Clunies Ross highlights the ‘symbolic equation here between Loki, who plays at his own castration and has a reputation for sex changing, and the sexually ambivalent nanny-goat with the beard and horns’.[32] John Lindow also suggests the presence of the nanny-goat creates doubt over Loki’s perceived masculinity: ‘if the beard attached to one end of the rope is here a false symbol of masculinity, what are we to make of the genitals attached to the other end?’.[33] It is important to remember that Loki himself ties the goat around his testicles. He chooses this method to make Skadi laugh and does so willingly. This disproves Rooth’s notion that Loki’s gender ambivalence is depicted by ‘the epic course of events’[34] since the feminine display here is Loki’s choice and raises the question: why would Loki willingly sacrifice his own physical and symbolic masculinity? Perhaps he does not. It would only be a sacrifice of masculinity if Loki had already embodied the ideals of a Norse man. Loki famously takes on physical female forms throughout the Prose Edda, such as during Baldur’s death[35] and The Fortification of Asgard[36] myths, meaning his masculinity is already questionable. If Loki is prepared to become physically female, becoming socially female matters little by comparison. Loki, after all, is the trickster god; he will use whatever shape, form, or gender to his advantage.

Clover describes the Norse sexual system as a ‘permeable membrane’[37] and stresses an interest in the ‘fluidity implied by that system’.[38] This is a system in which a person can choose to move between feminine and masculine if they do not care about the social consequences for their actions. As discussed previously with reference to Loki’s position in Snorri’s list of gods, Loki is already socially at the bottom of the male Æsir and his status places him in between them and the female Asyniur. With a status already this low, Loki loses nothing when he reduces his masculinity and embraces his position as a social female. To navigate the Norse universe with such a diminished status, Loki uses everything to his advantage, including embracing his own femininity.

 Sexual Deviancy

There are multiple terms in Old Norse relating to sexual deviancy with ergi, nið, ragr, and argr, as the most common. Although their meanings do differ slightly, essentially, they are all insults declaring someone as cowardly, weak, and unmanly due to an association with queer sexuality. Ergi especially encapsulates this idea of weakness being associated with sexual deviance, making it the most fitting term to use in this subsection. It fits within Laqueur’s one sex model aligning courage and strength with the masculine, and weakness with the non-masculine. Evidence of the seriousness of these insults can be found within Icelandic law. Grágás, the oldest Icelandic law text to survive, states that ‘one is entitled to kill on account of these words’. [39]  Floke Ström also states that ‘the law prescribes its most severe penalty, outlawry, for anyone who imputes womanly behaviour to another in the form of nið’.[40] The severity of the punishment highlights just how negatively sexual deviancy was viewed. Those guilty could be anything from accused magic users, effeminate men or those taking the receptive position in homosexual intercourse, referred to problematically as ‘passive homosexuality’ by some Norse scholars. Loki is associated with all three of these elements, even exhibiting all at same time in the myth of the Fortification of Asgard.

This myth is found Gylfaginning chapter of the Edda. To prevent a disguised giant builder from completing the fortifications around Asgard and claiming the sun, moon and Freyia as his payment, Loki transformed into a mare to seduce the builder’s horse Svadilfæri, which stopped the completion of the wall. However, ‘Loki had such dealings with Svadilfæri that somewhat later he gave birth to a foal’ called Sleipnir who becomes Odin’s own horse. [41] In this myth Loki is clearly ergi; he uses magic to become a female, is sexually penetrated leading to pregnancy thus proving his unmanliness.

Magic, or seiðr to use the Norse term, is associated with the feminine to the extent that ‘males are forbidden to practice seiðr because of its power to damage their essential, defining qualities as males’, according to Ross, and male gods use ‘its power at the price of moral impairment and symbolic feminisation’. [42] It is this moral impairment that closely links Loki and his ergi nature, raising an interesting debate surrounding this association. Is ergi considered immoral because of its association with Loki, or is Loki considered immoral because of he is ergi? Despite also being a seiðr user, Odin escapes most of its negative association with being ergi. It is not mentioned in the Gylfaginning and Kathleen Self explains Odin ‘is made more masculine through the omission of his performance of seiðr, and the distinction between masculine and feminine is maintained’.[43] It is no coincidence that the Gylfaginning, the part of the Edda that contains the introductions of the gods, omits Odin’s magic use while containing myths that highlight Loki’s morally dubious nature. This is the chapter that sets the expectations and conventions for the rest of the Edda and Snorri makes certain that his audience takes away these specified associations. It is only in the Lokasenna that Odin’s dubious use of feminine magic is addressed by Loki himself. Accusations of sexual deviance of are exchanged between the two of them, yet only appears to have a negative effect on Odin.[44] Ström describes Loki as ‘a shameless ergi’.[45] It is this word ‘shameless’ that is the distinguishing difference between the two gods. Like the previous myth, Loki embraces his dubious gender to his advantage, and it is this acceptance that makes Loki so problematic in the Norse conceptual universe. As von Schnurbein notes “(Loki) represents the "effeminate" man and, for that reason, not necessarily because of his malevolence, is subject to derision and considered evil’.[46]  He threatens the gods by undermining their one sex system. By embracing magic and resulting unmanliness, Loki challenges the concept that masculine is the pinnacle gender to which members of both genders should strive to achieve.

Further challenge to this system is seen in Loki through the connection his ergi nature has to femininity, specifically effeminate men. According to Ström, if the term was used to insult a woman, it was ‘virtually synonymous with nymphomania, which was a characteristic as much despised in women as unmanliness was in a man’, meaning its connotation of femininity were only applicable to men. [47] In the Fortification of Asgard myth, Loki performs the ultimate female act by both conceiving and giving birth to an eight-legged horse. A further old Scandinavian law that demonstrates just how transgressive this was: ‘the Norwegian laws already mentioned include insults likening a man to a female animal (berendi) among the words liable to the highest personal recompense. To liken a man to a male animal cost only half as much (halfréttisorð). Accusing a man of having given birth to a child… is added by the Gulathing Law to list of ‘full penalty words’ indicating the severest recompense to be paid’.[48] Both insults are applicable to Loki in this myth, demonstrating how morally corrupt he was in the eyes of Medieval Scandinavian society. The fact that these insults are gendered, with the female insult being the costliest, demonstrates how the one sex system impacted life within Medieval Scandinavian society. Everything comes back to the idea that masculine was not just the desirable gender, but the only gender which could gain honour and respect. Sørensen examines the moral repercussions of this connection: ‘the effect of nið was founded on the accepted complex of ideas about effeminacy and of effeminacy as identical with immoral, despicable nature’.[49] The reason these Norse terms for sexual deviance were so offensive is because of their association with femininity; whether it be seiðr’s connection with women, or the idea that a receptive male in homosexual intercourse was taking the female position. Ström agrees ‘that it is the feminine sexual role which makes allegations of ergi particularly injurious and in fact intolerable for the recipient’.[50] This is another aspect of ergi that Loki fulfils.

It is important to note that ergi and the other terms do not translate into modern ideas of homosexuality, something Brit Solli emphasises: ‘the term ergi must be understood contextually and not as a synonym for homosexuality, as we understand it today’.[51] The term is only applicable to those seen as taking the female position, whereas Clover notes ‘the role of the penetrator is regarded as not only masculine but boastworthy regardless of the sex of the object’.[52] Loki represents the concept of the penetrated male in this myth, considering the conception of Sleipnir, and this is an example of his immoral character. Although Loki’s negotiations and tricks save the Æsir, he is not the hero of the myth. That role goes to Thor who kills the giant with his hypermasculine, physical prowess, thus embodying the image of ultimate masculinity and its valued perception within the one sex system. Loki cannot be the hero because of his queer nature with its connotations of cowardice and corruption. Snorri explains that Loki ‘being afraid’ of the Æsir gods’ threats was the reason he changes shape and gender to seduce Svadilfæri which conveys the link between ergi and cowardice. [53] Sørensen explains how ‘in ancient Iceland consciousness, the idea of passive homosexuality was so closely linked with notions of immorality in general that the sexual sense could serve to express the moral sense’.[54] This means that, despite saving the Æsir, Loki still represents immorality. Snorri states Loki ‘is responsible for most evil’ in this myth, even though his only offense was to give poor advice. [55] His supposed evilness therefore comes from the queer gender inversion employed to fix his mistake.

Although not a hero, Loki is still powerful despite deflating his status by transgressing against the Norse gender system. In fact, it is this very transition that gives him power. Anthony Adams acknowledges that ‘Loki represents a type of imprecise, androgynous (or even hermaphroditic), yet still potent sexuality that is entirely at odds with the simpler, overt masculinity of the sagas’.[56] This conflict between Loki’s transgressive position as a queer character and the hyper masculine gives Loki power despite his low status. As much as they distrust Loki, the Æsir need him. The very fact they allow Loki to live amongst them demonstrates how important his transgressive abilities are, especially those associated with ergi such as magic. Soli reasons that ‘Seiðr must have been so important for the maintenance of society that the queerness of its practice had to be accepted as a cosmological necessity’.[57] Therefore, all the Æsir are guilty of engaging with queerness through their tolerance of Loki but only when he can be used to meet their needs.

When it comes to summarizing Loki’s sexual deviance, Ross best expresses how Loki and Odin ‘make good use of their ‘weakness’ (ergi) which allows them access to resources or patterns of behaviour normally regarded as female and hence unavailable to male beings’.[58] By embracing his ‘unmanly’ nature, Loki takes advantage of areas of power restricted from the higher status masculine gods and suppressed within female gods. Unlike Odin, whose ergi is ‘undoubtedly a burden’ (Ström), Loki does not care about the social (or any) consequences of his actions as long as he can use them to survive within the one sex system he simultaneously transgresses against. [59]

 Race

Loki’s resistance to fitting within the gender binary is paralleled in his resistance to fit within the mythological race binary between the gods and the giants. His very existence bridges these two opposing races. According to Snorri, Loki is the ‘son of the giant Farbauti. Laufey or Nal is his mother’,[60] the latter Ross theorises was ‘presumably among the Æsir’.[61] This dual heritage unites the two enemy races within one being, meaning Loki is neither giant nor god but an unconventional combination of both.[62] Ross goes on to explain that this means Loki ‘is the embodiment of the most tabooed social relationship in Medieval Scandinavian society’.[63] Existing in between these races, Loki brings together the cultural aspects of both races despite their clear binary differences. By examining the threat Loki’s heritage presents amongst the gods and its connections to femininity, it is possible to see how Loki’s lack of conformity to the Norse racial binary demonstrates his resistance to the gender binary system too.

Loki is not only a product of a taboo relationship, but the participator in one too. From his relationship with the giantess Angrboda, Loki has three children who take the monstrous forms of Fenris, a giant wolf, Iormungand, a giant serpent, and Hel with her half dead body.[64] The gods ‘felt evil was all to be expected of them’[65] and imprison Loki’s children ‘because of their mother’s nature, but still worse because of their father’s’.[66] Despite possibly being half Æsir, it is Loki’s lineage the gods fear more than the full giant blood of Angrboda. This is because he embodies the union of two races whose conflict makes up a key aspect the Norse conceptual fabric. A typical trope of Norse mythology involves the morally superior Æsir gods defeating the monstrous giants, thus maintaining their system of ideals throughout the realms. Even when there is an exception to this, such as Thor being out-witted by Utgarda-Loki, the story still centres around the opposition of gods and giants, not their union as Loki represents. [67]

Loki does not fit within the usual racial structure of the society within Norse mythology. Ross describes Loki as an ‘anomalous being’[68] and notes how ‘the myth of Loki and his offspring indicates the kinds of disorders the gods oppose is not only ‘out there’ in the other world they associate with giants but exists within their own society’.[69] Loki is the product of two races that should be always in contrasting conflict, not uniting sexually, and even his presence amongst the Æsir presents a threat to their strict structures that maintain order. The very fact Loki exists undermines the whole system which sees gods and giants as opposite and opposing binaries.

One reason why the gods and giants live in such opposition is due to their opposing gender systems. While the gods live within a one sex model where hyper masculinity is the true gender and all others are inadequate, the giants’ system contrasts this. They fall within Clover’s ‘rainbow coalition’ making them ‘other’ to the Æsir. [70] Ross explains the connection between giants and femininity as a result of both concepts being treated as ‘other’ and ‘so the combination of the category ‘giant’ with the category ‘female’ represents an intensification of the nation of otherness and therefore an intensification of the association of danger with it’.[71] This adds to the threat of Loki existing within the Æsir gender system. Not only does he embody femininity through his non-binary gender and sexually deviant nature, his giant blood also adds to his innate gender inversion. Self also examines the connection between race and gender: ‘the binary of the gods and the giants echoes the male/female divide with the giantesses appearing more masculine at times and certain giants having a malleable gender’.[72] Skadi is example of this, but her gender is malleable in a way that is in tune with the Æsir one sex system meaning she is the only giant who is welcomed into their society.

Loki also uses his divine heritage as a way of embracing aspects of his femininity. Ross points out that Loki is ‘always referred to as Loki Laufeyjarson (which) indicates the precedence of his divine kinship through his mother’s family’.[73] While it does make sense that Loki would want to be associated with the parent with the higher status and assimilate with the gods by emphasising his racial connection to them, this still transgresses against the Norse patronymic system. By taking a matronymic surname in place of his father’s name, Loki is bestowing an honour usually reserved for men to his mother. This demonstrates his willingness to embrace femininity if it results in increasing his status amongst the gods, therefore we again see Loki using typically eschewed femininity to his advantage.

Although treated as an anomaly, Loki is not the only member counted among the Æsir to have giant ancestry. Both Tyr and Odin also are descended from giants; a fact the Gylfaginning conveniently forgets during their introductions. However, it is no coincidence that both these gods are hypermasculine war gods which places them firmly at the top of the one sex model. Therefore, their desirable masculine traits compensate for their undesirable, unorthodox lineage. Loki’s lack of conformity within the gender system is what makes his mix heritage a problem for the rest of the gods. By not fitting within their system of gender, his race is just another aspect that makes him a threat. Nevertheless, as with his queer nature, the gods will often use Loki’s liminal position between the two races. Rooth notes that Loki’s ‘role is frequently that of mediator’[74] between the gods and the giants but John McKinnell also notes his ‘special role is as a traitor’.[75] The gods depend on Loki’s nonconformity to navigate situations which their strict morality prevents them engaging with, such as magic and interrace relations, and still hold the very aspects of Loki that they need against him. McKinnell reasons that Loki shares these undesirable yet essential traits with other gods but ‘unlike the others makes no attempt to hide them’.[76] This is what makes Loki a true threat to the gods. It is not so much his engagement with taboo practices, but his openness. His refusal to hide his transgressive nature highlights the hypocrisy within the gods and flaws within their binary systems they try to hide.

 Conclusion

Loki in the Prose Edda is clearly a transgressive character who resists categorization within the concept on the one sex model. His race, sexual deviance, and complete disregard to gender binaries combine to create a male entity who openly and happily engages with femininity without shame or fear of the social ramifications.  However, while modern terms such as gender non-binary, or genderfluid may seem applicable to him, it is important to remember that the gods of the Edda are not characters but mythological concepts, with Thor embodying the concept of strength, Odin wisdom and so on. Loki’s mythology offers a safe arena in which cultural taboos can be broken and their consequences examined. Therefore, he does not have a gender identity in the same sense a modern fictional character has, so cannot identify as gender non-binary or fluid. As A. S. Byatt states mythological figures ‘do not have psychology.... They have attributes’.[77] Loki is instead a vessel through which the concept of gender binary within a one gender system can be explored and ultimately critiqued and punished. As the antagonist of the Edda, he brings forth the destruction of the gods. Loki destroys not only the Æsir hierarchy but the entire Norse universe during Ragnarök.[78] The Norse universe is one that relied on these binaries to exist and collapses once they are destroyed. The concept of Loki cannot survive in the one sex model, and the model cannot last with Loki in it. However, if Loki is removed from this gender system and placed within a modern one, his role and his outcome is entirely different.

 Chapter Two: Loki in Marvel

 Prior to the 2014 release of Loki: Agent of Asgard, a new comic series which centred around the reimagined, teenage version of the trickster god, the writer Al Ewing confirmed that Loki would indeed be a queer character who would switch between genders.[79] This came as no surprise to many in Loki’s fanbase since evidence of Loki’s queerness can be found throughout his history in Marvel comics. Examples of this include; flirting with a male teammate in Young Avengers Vol 2,[80] the ambiguous sexuality that comes with possessing a female body in Dark Reign[81], to even his first appearance in the modern era of comics in Journey into Mystery #85[82] where he is given a feminised, hourglass figure in contrast to the broad masculine figure of his counterpart Thor. (Fig. 1) However, in his own comic book, Loki’s character could now embrace his queerness and his gender fluidity in his own body much more openly than before.

The recent 2019 young adult novel Loki: Where Mischief Lies written by Mackenzi Lee will be examined alongside this comic.  Like the comic, this novel also features an openly queer and gender non-conforming Loki. Both versions of this character face similar problems as they struggle to find their place within the wider narratives of the Marvel universe, especially concerning where they fit within the gender structures and heteronormative worlds and their roles as presumed antagonists.

Unlike the Loki found in the Edda, both Loki in Agent of Asgard and Loki in Where Mischief Lies are fully fleshed out characters with their own identities and motives, especially now they are the protagonists of their stories rather than just antagonists used to highlight the heroism of their adversaries. As a result of their enhanced characterisation, they become representative of genderfluid and non-binary people. Marvel’s acceptance of queer characters is something to be commended. As Mathew McAllister notes ‘comics mirror a pluralistic society’, therefore Marvel presents a fictional society that reflects our own. [83] Underneath stories of gods and heroes, the two texts explore queer gender identities and what it means to exist as ‘other’. This chapter will explore this by analysing how gender non-binarism, transgression and identity feature within Ewing’s and Lee’s stories.

 Genderfluidity

By reimagining the mythological concept of Loki in a modern society, he is removed from the one sex model Laqueur suggests for Norse literature and placed in a new gender system. This new system, according to a contemporary critical lens using Butler’s theory of gender, is one based on the notion of performative gender and therefore allows for fluidity between them. However, the concept of gender being directly related to biological sex along with ideas of masculine and feminine being separate and opposite are still prevalent in most societies. Agent of Asgard is set within a society reflective of our own. The comic takes place across Earth and Asgard within their similar performative gender systems.

Where Mischief Lies is slightly more complicated, taking place across two very different societies: the ‘idyllic paradise’ of Asgard and nineteenth-century London. [84] Gender binaries are strictly upheld in the latter, following a system in which women are perceived as inferior to men to such an extent that even wearing trousers is seen as being transgressive, and where homosexuality is criminalised. [85] Asgard contrastingly does not have ‘such a limited view of sex’, instead it is seemingly a society in which all genders are treated equally. [86] Yet, there still is a binary system in place that echoes the one sex model in the Edda. Rather than between male and female, it is between sorcerers and warriors with the latter viewed as the desirable trait and the other as inferior. Loki is encouraged to hide is magical ability and ‘dedicated himself to becoming a warrior’[87] because ‘no one wanted a sorcerer for a king’.[88] There is still a gendered aspect to this system, however. Similarly to the Edda, magic is closely associated with women, with the only magic users in the novel being female (Frigga, Karnilla, Amora) or Loki who is feminised. Whether magic is viewed as inferior because of this feminine association is unclear. Reflective of the one sex model found in the Edda, background female characters who pursue hypermasculine warrior lifestyles, Sif and the Valkyries, are praised while magicians are viewed with fear and suspicion. To observe Lee’s Loki in this system, and Ewing’s Loki in the Agent of Asgard system, this section will examine how the characters exists as both genders, how this is physically presented and how this disrupts each of their gender systems.

Although Loki changes genders several times throughout the comic series, the term non-binary or genderfluid is never used. Nancy Hirschmann identifies the issue of  ‘what queer… individuals are called, by themselves and by others,’ as a ‘political, ontological, and epistemological issue’, however, this does not negate from the validity of an identity just because it is not labelled nor means it is not applicable. [89] The first example of Loki changing gender is in issue #2 where Loki takes the pseudonym ‘Trixie’ to infiltrate a heist. Although it could be argued that Loki only becomes female because it is a necessary disguise, as Rooth argues in the Edda, Loki explains that his illusion magic would not have worked in that situation. [90] ‘I am always myself,’ Loki states explaining that being female is no different from being male. [91] This is best demonstrated by a single borderless panel depicting Loki shifting between female and male. (Fig. 2) The lack of borders symbolises the lack of boundaries between Loki’s genders and the single panel means both genders are contained in a singular space as both genders exist within Loki. Panelling in issue #14 again demonstrates how Loki regards shifting between genders. (Fig. 3) The three panels picture male Loki putting on a shirt as he changes to female as if changing gender is no different from changing a shirt.  According to Sandra Bem, an individual can contain both female and male traits, which means Loki exists as both female and male simultaneously; changing genders therefore is not an artificial act made capable through his magic abilities and is not done just because it is convenient for the situation. [92]

The most obvious evidence of Loki’s genderfluidity in Where Mischief Lies takes place in Victorian London, due to the scrutiny Loki faces when removed from the supposedly gender equal Asgardian society. Theo, trying to find out Loki’s sexual orientation, asks his preferred gender which Loki misinterprets and answers ‘I feel equally comfortable as either’.[93] When Theo argues that this is again simply because of Loki’s magical abilities allowing him to change appearance, Loki states ‘I don’t change my gender. I exist as both’.[94] The confusion between gender and sexuality highlights, according to Jonathan Alexander, how ‘sexuality intersects with and complicates are understanding of gender’ and further demonstrates the difference between the two gender systems of Asgard and Earth. [95] Loki’s misunderstanding conveys how gender and sexuality intersect so frequently on Asgard that he cannot separate them, while Theo is accepting of homosexuality yet struggles to understand genderfluidity. This is perhaps because Loki has to appear more masculine during his time in London, ‘he missed his heeled boots’, although, he still defends his feminine identity. [96] Whenever feminine terms are applied to him, Loki accepts them: ‘“It’s the feminine version of enchanter.” “Does that matter?”’.[97] The setting of Victorian era with its stricter gender binaries is effective for demonstrating the ‘the arbitrariness of the Western gender system’ through Loki’s critiques of it. [98]  By framing these critiques as being ‘small-minded’ and associating them with conservative Victorians, Lee helps to validate queerness and genderfluidity, reflecting the diversity of her young adult audience. [99]

The visual medium of the comic means appearance becomes key for demonstrating Loki’s genderfluidity in Agent of Asgard and consequently meaning his genderfluidity is always present through the art of the comic. Like in his very first issue in Journey into Mystery, Loki’s male appearance is feminised. Black nail varnish, a fur lined coat and V-necked tunic all hint at his feminine nature while scaled armour and greaves are typically more masculine. (Fig. 4) The fact that both male and female aspects exist in one costume demonstrates how Loki is consistently both genders, especially because the costume does not change when Loki’ changes from male to female, or even a fox. (Fig. 5) Terrence R. Wandtke notes how a superhero’s costume is ‘a marker of self’, thus Loki’s androgynous costume represents his genderfluid self. [100] This also reflects Loki’s queerness in terms of his sexual attraction to both genders which is not particularly explored in depth in the comic. Aaron Blashill and Kimberly Powlishta refer to ‘cross-gendered characteristics’ in homosexual people which Loki’s costume captures, demonstrating not only is genderfluidity but his homosexual orientation as well. [101] It is also notable that Loki’s physical female appearance is very similar to his male. In the example of ‘Trixie’ in #2, the only difference between the male and female Loki is make-up and hair length. This accurately reflects how potential genderfluid readers use cosmetics to reflect their own transitions between genders thus proving how Loki becomes a representative for genderfluidity in literature.

Where Mischief Lies also relies on appearance to demonstrate Loki’s lack of gender boundaries. This is because, unlike Agent of Asgard Lee’s Loki never becomes completely female meaning clothing is often used to symbolise his innate femininity. Loki’s femininity is introduced when the novel opens with Loki worrying about his appearance. These concerns focus on aspects typically associated with feminine appearance, such as his love of ‘a bit of sparkle’[102] and his boots which ‘made him feel like doing a strut down the middle of the hall …(and had) heels as long and thin as the knives he kept up his sleeves’.[103] This evokes a feminine image of Loki with ‘strut’ in particular conjuring the queer image of a drag queen. The simile of knives as heels is particularly demonstrative of Loki’s gender fluidity, combining the feminine heel and weapons with their connection to masculinity within the hypermasculine Asgardian gender system. The use of clothes further validates the performative aspect of gender. Although Loki is biologically male, his choice of clothes demonstrates the feminine image he wishes to portray to the world. Lisa Walker expresses how the whole concept of performative gender relies on an individual performing the gender they think they are; Loki’s performance suggests he views himself as both male and female. [104]

A further way to examine Loki’s queer nature is to explore how it exists in contrast to the gender system in which it is found. Although the performative system in Agent of Asgard is in theory accepting of genderfluidity, there are still queerphobic elements that demonstrate that strict binary views of gender still exist. Loki is referred to as a ‘precious little girl-child’[105] and a ‘preening half-a-man’.[106] These both use Loki’s feminine gender as an insult, suggesting either the idea of femininity being a weakness, or that queerness is ‘viewed negatively due to a presumption … (of) cross-gendered characteristics’.[107] However, these are the only two queerphobic instances in a comic that is overall thoroughly embracing of Loki’s genderfluid identity. While some commentators on comics, such as Norma Pecora[108]  and Carol Stabile[109], criticise the innate sexism in the comics of the 1990s, Marvel has made a substantial effort to improve female and queer representation in recent years, including recently featuring a pride parade consisting entirely of their LGBTQ+ characters, including Loki.[110] McAllister notes the power the comic book has ‘to both legitimate dominant social values and provide an avenue for cultural criticism’, therefore highlighting the importance of representation in comics and providing an accepting society to legitimise their presence both on and off the page. [111]A comic being void of any criticism of queer people would not accurately represent the prejudices LGBTQ+ people face, justifying the use of limited queerphobic remarks. Therefore, even in a fictional society that recognises the performativity of gender and provides a system Loki should exist easily within, the lingering prejudices of gender binaries means Loki is still seen as transgressive and, like the Edda, his queerness is used to insult him.  

Despite Where Mischief Lies featuring two distinct binary systems, one sentiment combines how Loki transgresses both: ‘Be the witch’.[112] This sentence, which is not only repeated throughout the novel, but concludes it, brings together the idea of transgressing the gender binary of Victorian London as well as the sorcerer/warrior binary of Asgard. By being transgressive, Loki is a threat to both systems and the social hierarchies they uphold. In term of gender binaries, Hirschmann suggests that ‘those boundaries may be established by cultural practices as a way to protect social hierarchies’.[113] Victorian London has this system to defend the patriarchy from threats of female power. This can be seen from the character of Mrs Sharp whose masculine trousers brings her into conflict with the male authority, ‘“Why do you try so hard to look like a man, Mrs Sharp?”’,[114] and the use of ‘witch’[115] to insult Loki due to its association with powerful women. Loki’s presence as someone who openly embraces multiple genders threatens the rigid binary that protects the patriarchal system, resulting in his femininity being ridiculed due to the anxiety created from its threat to male power.

Within terms of the hierarchy system of Lee’s Asgard, in which magic is seen as inferior to warrior prowess, Loki transgresses through his magical ability rather than his genderfluidity. While Thor’s expression of physical power is praised, Loki’s magical power is punished or regarded with fear: ‘His father was afraid of him. Afraid of his power’.[116] Magic users who remain subservient, ‘Karnilla… Odin’s royal sorceress, stood like a soldier’[117] and Frigga, Odin’s wife ‘who supported him’,[118] are accepted in Asgardian society, while those who transgress, like Amora who is ‘too powerful to control’, are banished. [119] There is an obvious gendered narrative reflecting a woman’s place in society; her power must be subservient to the masculine ruler or she will be rejected. The concept of the witch, being a feminine magic wielder who exists outside of society, accurately reflects how Loki does not fit within either binary of the two systems found in Lee’s novel. For much of the novel, Loki struggles to be the subservient sorcerer Asgardian society desires him to be, but ultimately decides to embrace his transgressive nature and ‘be the witch’.[120]

 Existing as Queer

In both texts, Loki exists as an outsider to the societies he seeks acceptance within. Although his queer identity and orientation are never directly cited as the reasons for this ostracization, they are emblematic of why he is never accepted. In Agent of Asgard, Loki’s genderfluidity translates into to a wider desire to resist being categorized as either a villain or hero, while shame over his magical abilities in Where Mischief Lies reflects a struggle to accept homosexual attraction. Loki’s othering as a queer character will be explored by examining how it is reflected through other aspects of his characterisation.

Categorization is expressed in Agent of Asgard through the repeated metaphor of boxes and cages. They symbolise a conformity with conflicts with Loki’s fluid and transgressive nature. Loki connects this idea of identity and boxes, ‘I am my own and will not sit long in any box built for me’, demonstrating how being his own means being innately transgressive. [121] Throughout the narrative Loki is trying to prove he is no longer the archetypal villain he had been for most of Marvel’s history. He will no longer fit neatly into that category nor the one of hero, instead existing between the two as an antihero. Like with gender, Loki does not fit in either binary meaning the threat of literal imprisonment is used to symbolise conformity as either a villain or as a single gender. At the climax of the novel when Asgard goes to war with Hel, Loki does not choose either of the binaries presented to him, stating ‘I don’t do sides’ in a panel that heavily shades half his face. [122] (Fig. 6) The combination of both dark and light colouring creates the impression that Loki is neither entirely good nor evil, instead he is both and neither; he has found a way to exist outside the binary of good and evil, reflective of his ability to exist outside a gender binary. Binary gender as being restive and box-like is something explored by Jennifer Nye: ‘the range of human possibilities extends far beyond that recognized by the gender box.’[123] Loki’s resistance to imprisonments represents a desire to break free of restrictive gender categories.

The concept of the gender box goes beyond just gender identity to include sexual orientation. Nye definition of the masculine gender box relies on the assumption that ‘if your sex is male, your gender is masculine, and you are sexually attracted to women’.[124] Of course this excludes anyone who is not a cisgender heterosexual, but it does demonstrate the traditional expectations of gender and sexual orientation, therefore making anyone who exists outside the gender box automatically an outsider. In Where Mischief Lies Loki and Theo’s homosexual feelings for each other mark them as outsiders in Victorian London where Theo has been previously imprisoned for being ‘a boy who likes boys’.[125] This is something Loki instantly relates to as ‘he knew what it was to be cast out and unwanted and taunted for the fabric you were stitched from.[126] While Asgard, according to Loki, is accepting of homosexuality, it is possible to map the clichés of closeted homosexuality onto Loki’s struggle to hide his magical abilities: ‘wriggling with a shame he didn’t understand, before his mother finally came and explained that it would be best if he did not use the magic’.[127] Unintentionally paralleling the Edda, magic becomes an othering force like seiðr in Norse literature. Like Theo, there is also a threat of punishment for this othering, which Amora experiences in her banishment. This connection between Theo and Loki being forced to hide who they really are leads to the shared sentiment: ‘I wish I could make your world want you’.[128] Existing as queer means embracing what makes you other. Something both Theo and Loki accept by the end of the novel with Theo kissing Loki[129] and Loki using his magic to save Asgard.[130]

No matter how accepting the society of Asgard is in Agent of Asgard or Where Mischief Lie’s, there is always the tendency to cast anyone who transgresses traditional views of gender and sexuality as a villain. Mark LaPointe and Meredith Li-Vollmer argue that ‘gender transgression may also cast doubt on a person’s competence, social acceptability, and morality’ in cultures that still hold on to ideas of ‘naturalized constructions of gender’. [131] Consequently, if Loki is to stay true to his own identity, he must exist outside of society, often causing conflict with it that presents him as antagonistic.

 Identity

Loki’s exploration of his identity is a key theme not just in these two texts, but in the wider Marvel universe as well, with rumours an upcoming television series will also delve into this.[132] A fundamental aspect of Loki’s identity is of course his gender but this is just one aspect of many that result in Loki finding conflict between his own identity and the societies he longs to belong to. The way Loki is othered from society, how he exists as an othered being and his acceptance of his othered position will be examined in this section.

In Agent of Asgard Loki becomes increasingly othered throughout the comic. His position in this society has always been precarious; like in the Edda, Loki is racially other to the Asgardians[133] which is used to test his loyalties: ‘your race and mine are old allies’.[134] Although this is unsuccessful ‘We gave you a family’, ‘Yes, but I already have one of those’, Loki’s heritage is other enough for this to pose a threat, at least in the eyes of those within Asgardian society. [135] Loki begins the comic desperately trying to earn a place in this society by atoning for his crimes of the past, trading ‘new legends for old’,[136] but by issue #10 Loki’s secret of killing his child self, ‘the crime that will not be forgiven’,[137] is revealed leading to ostracization from Asgardian society. Loki consequently loses a key element of his identity: ‘I’m no longer an Asgardian’.[138] This concept of losable racial identity is not unlike the concept of losable masculinity in the Edda because Loki must meet the heroic requirements of Asgard or be cast out. Adam Green also argues that ‘identity as an ongoing social process marked by multiplicity, instability, and flux’ therefore can be lost or gained. [139] Loki’s exile ultimately frees him from the constraints of a society he was constantly in conflict with. Exile came because of Loki’s inability to live up to the expectation of Asgardian identity, with ideals of heroism that did not coincide with the trickster elements of Loki’s identity. While genderfluidity does not directly violate the concept of Asgardian identity, it is an expression of Loki’s malleable character that contrasts with the traditional image of the heroes of Asgard. Now he is separated from this society, Loki is finally free to explore his identity without restraints.

In Where Mischief Lies, Loki’s othering comes from his inability to find his place in a society that only values qualities such as physical strength and a warrior prowess.  Like Ewing’s Loki, Lee’s is also desperate to find acceptance in society, ‘working to be a better soldier, a better sorcerer, a better prince’, with little success. Loki is aware of his otherness. [140] He is worried that magic will ‘make (him) unnatural’, and Amora’s banishment demonstrates how dangerous otherness is in Asgardian society. [141] Alexander argues that ‘our identities are shaped and communicated through a variety of interesting social processes’, therefore this othering would have significantly impacted Loki’s identity, particularly his gender. [142] Asgard is supposedly accepting of Loki’s genderfluidity, yet he is the only genderfluid character found in Asgard and his femininity associates him with the otherness of magic as the only male user. The concept of otherness in this society consequently forces conformity on Loki in his desperation to be accepted. Paradoxically, it is when Loki enters the more oppressive society of Victorian London that he realises his identity cannot be suppressed; to be true to himself, he must exist as other in Asgardian society.

Loki’s acceptance of his place as an outsider to Asgardian society is central to the development of his identity as a transgressive character. By being ostracised from his society, Loki no longer needs to fulfil any expectations apart from his own. This allegiance to nobody but himself if something that has been part of Loki throughout his history in Marvel comics. Ewing turns the idea of Loki’s selfishness into an idea of self-preservation of an identity othered by Asgardian society. In Agent of Asgard’s introduction Ewing cites the iconic panel from Thor #353, which Odin’s battle cry is ‘For Asgard!’, Thor’s is ‘For Midgard!’, while Loki’s is ‘For Myself!’. [143] (Fig. 7) While humorous, Ewing argues that ‘when your self is a thing you have to fight the very cosmos to decide… it’s almost kind of… heroic?’, demonstrating how Loki’s perceived selfishness is evidence of him fighting to preserve his own identity. [144] To be true his identity, Loki must exist outside the society he had been trying to appease: ‘I probably shouldn’t care what they think, then, should I?’.[145] Agent of Asgard is ‘a comic about being For Yourself’, about existing without apologising. [146] Loki’s genderfluidity is just one aspect of his identity that causes him to transgress against the society he tries to exist within. Rather than sacrifice his identity to be accepted by others, Loki choses to exist as an outsider.

Loki in Where Mischief Lies also accepts his place as being an outsider. He tries to find his identity through his position in society, by trying to prove that he is a worthy contender for the throne. However, throughout the novel Loki is forced to question his own sense of identity due to the way others perceive him: ‘He did not know who he was. Everyone knew but him’.[147] It is only at the very end of the novel once Loki finds out he will never be king that he accepts that he will always exist as other to his society, choosing to ‘serve no man but himself, no heart but his own’.[148] Forming an identity othered from society, Loki gives in to fulfilling the expectations of others, becoming ‘the self-serving God of Chaos’, but is also free to be true to himself. [149] This impacts Loki’s gender identity because he no longer needs to worry about what others think of him, leaving him free to explore his gender to its full extent.

The final, and most important, aspect of identity both texts explore is self-acceptance. After revealing that the antagonist of the narrative was really himself, Loki embraces him and tells him ‘it’s all right’, meaning Loki finally accepts himself and no longer strives to conform to become something he is not. [150] Lee’s Loki also accepts himself. While on Earth he meets other people othered by their societies, such as Mrs Sharp and Theo, and it is through their friendship that Loki learns to accept his otherness. Theo and Loki are both othered in their own societies, so instead find acceptance in each other, sharing a ‘soft kiss’.[151] Through this action, Theo accepts his sexual orientation and Loki accepts that he can receive affection without having to meet the impossible standards society expects of him. Self-acceptance is key to embracing one’s own identity, especially transgressive gender identities such as genderfluidity. McAllister highlights the importance of comic books and ‘the degree of cultural argument they permit or encourage’ meaning that Loki becomes a figure representative of genderfluid identities and validates their presence not just in literature, but in the world of the reader as well. [152] Therefore, it is critical that Loki in both texts learns to accept himself and his entire self. Not just as a genderfluid individual, but all aspects of his identity that makes him a fully fleshed character and not just a symbol of deviance as Loki in the Edda is.

 Conclusion

The two texts explore Loki, not as simply a figure representative of transgressive gender, but as a character with a genderfluid identity that brings both internal and external conflict. Although Loki’s genderfluidity is an essential part of his identity, these texts prove that he is more than just his gender and that gender is more than just one aspect of his identity; it is a foundation in his otherness and symbolic of the malleability of his personality. The comic book industry was once notoriously slow to adapt to changes in the treatment of gender, with stories revolving around a hypermasculine hero protecting the delicate female, is now significantly more embracing of social progress. Loki is just one of a growing number of characters from LGBTQ+ backgrounds, yet he is one of the oldest to exist in Marvel comics. This is testament to the gender ambiguous legacy that the original mythological Loki left behind. The mythological Loki’s transgressive approach to gender reverberated across centuries, until it reached this modern medium where it could be expressed fully.

                                                                                   (Fig.1) Stan Lee et al, Journey into Mystery      (New York: Marvel Comics, 1952). #85

(Fig.3) Loki: Agent of Asgard #14

(Fig.2) Al Ewing et al, Loki: Agent of Asgard (New      York: Marvel Comics, 2020), #2

(Fig.4) Loki: Agent of Asgard #2 Jamie McKelvie      Cover Variant

                 (Fig.5) Loki: Agent of Asgard #5

(Fig.6) Loki: Agent of Asgard #16

(Fig.7) Walter Simonson, Thor (New York: Marvel      Comics, 1966). #353

   Conclusion

 ‘Loki makes the world more interesting but less safe.’[153]

When Neil Gaiman wrote this in Norse Mythology, he was referring to the threat Loki poses to the gods of Asgard as the bringer of their downfall. However, I think that there is another way to interpret this. A world made ‘less safe’ does not necessarily mean a world of danger, but a world less conservative, less static, where diversity makes the world more interesting. To help this world come into being, it first must be accepted. This means not only in wider society but in popular culture too, by finding its way onto our screens and pages.

While this dissertation has praised Marvel’s efforts to increase diversity in its comic books, the Marvel Cinematic Universe is far behind its comic counterpart, especially in queer representation. At the forefront of this fight for LGBTQ+ depiction is the Thor franchise, with Tessa Thompson’s Valkyrie being the first, although unconfirmed, LGBTQ+ character originating in Thor Ragnarok.[154] Thor: Love and Thunder is also rumoured to introduce a transgender character and, while Loki’s place in this film is yet to be confirmed, there are again rumours he may be genderfluid in his upcoming TV series. There has always been controversy surrounding Marvel’s queer diversity, such as Brazil recently banning a Young Avengers comic due to a same-sex kiss being featured in it, which is the reason why Marvel’s mainstream movies have been so slow to increase representation in comparison to its comics. [155] However, the fact that it raises such controversy only heightens the need for greater representation.

Rick Roidan, during his acceptance speech at the 2016 Stonewall Awards, expressed the how important it is for ‘LGBTQ kids see themselves reflected and valued in the larger world of mass media’.[156] He too identified the connection between genderfluidity and Loki with his genderfluid character Alex Fierro being the child of Loki in Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard. Another example of mythology being repurposed for a modern audience, it furthers Abram’s argument that mythology will change to meet what is required of it. It also conveys the importance of representation that goes deeper than appearing in mass media, with these LGBTQ+ kids being connected to something even more engrained in culture.

The target audience of the modern texts explored in this dissertation are mainly young adults, many of whom will be beginning to explore their sexual identities and orientations. By queer reading mythology then using this as a basis for representation, queer identity is established as something validated by its presence in the past and position in popular culture.

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[1] Christopher Abram, Myths of the Pagan North: the Gods of the Norsemen (London: Continuum, 2011), p. 231.

[2] Ibid

[3] The Poetic Edda, trans. by Carolyne Larrington (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2014), p. 93.

[4] Ibid, p.80

[5] See Anna Brigitta Rooth in Chapter One

[6] Jόnas Gíslason, 'Acceptance of Christianity in Iceland in the year 1000 (999)', Old Norse and Finnish Religions and Cultic Place-Names, 13.1, (1990), 223-255, <https://doi.org/10.30674/scripta.67178> [accessed 6 May 2020].

[7] Robert Kellogg, 'Introduction', in The Sagas of Icelanders, ed. by Örnólfur Thorsson (New York: Penguin Group, 2001), p. xxiv

[8]   Anna Birgitta Rooth, Loki in Scandinavian Mythology (Lund: C. W. K. Gleerup, 1961), P.4

[9] Snorri Sturluson, Edda, trans. by Anthony Faulkes, 3rd edn (London: Everyman, 1995), p.26

[10] Rooth, p.10

[11] Snorri, p.26

[12] Ibid

[13] Ibid

[14] For this dissertation, sexual deviance means a deviation from the perceived heterosexual norm.

[15] Rooth, p.149

[16] Thomas Laqueur, Making Sex: Body and gender from the Greeks to Freud (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1992), p. 8.

[17] Carol J. Clover, 'Regardless of Sex: Men, Women, and Power in Early Northern Europe', Representations, 1.44, (1993), 1-28 (p. 13).

[18] Judith Butler, Gender Trouble, 4 edn (Suffolk: Routledge, 2007), p. 34.

[19] Clover, p.14

[20] Snorri, p.61

[21] Ibid

[22] Stefanie von Schnurbein, 'The Function of Loki in Snorri Sturluson's ‘Edda.’ ', History of Religions, 40.2, (2000), 109-24 (p. 119), in JSTOR <www.jstor.org/stable/3176617> [accessed 20 January 2020].

[23] Clover, p.13

[24] Other Old Norse texts featuring this include The Saga of Bosi and Herraud ‘the peasant girl was sometimes on top.’

George L. Hardman, The Saga of Bosi and Herraud (2007) <http://jillian.rootaction.net/~jillian/world_faiths/www.northvegr.org/lore/oldheathen/071.html> [accessed 6 May 2020].

[25] In the Lokasenna, p.89, Loki claims he and Skadi were intimate, meaning this may not be entirely pseudo.

[26] Clover, p.13

[27] Ibid

[28] Preben Meulengracht Sørensen, The Unmanly Man: Concepts of sexual defamation in early Northern society, trans. by Joan Turville-Petre (Odense: Odense University Press, 1983). P.21

[29] Clover, p.19

[30] Ibid, p.12

[31] In Njal's saga Njal has his manhood insulted due to his lack of beard.

[32] Margaret Clunies Ross, Prolonged Echoes: Old Norse myths in Medieval Northern society Volume 1: The myths (Odense: Odense University Press, 1994), p.123

[33] von Schnurbein, p.116

[34] Rooth, p.187

[35] Snorri, p.48-51

[36] Ibid, p.35-6

[37] Clover, p.19

[38] Ibid, p.12

[39] Floke Ström, Nið, ergi and Old Norse Moral Attitudes (Edinburgh: University College London, 1974), p. 6.

[40] Ibid, p.7

[41] Ibid, p.36

[42] Ross, p.208

[43] Kathleen Self, 'Straightening Out the Gods’ Gender', in Irreverence and the Sacred: Critical Studies in the History of Religions, ed. by Hugh Urban and Greg Johnson (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2018), p. 229

[44] Poetic Edda, p.85

[45] Ström, p.8

[46] von Schnurbein, p.122

[47] Ström, p.4

[48] Ibid, p.7

[49] Sørensen, p.79

[50] Ström, p.7

[51] Brit Solli, 'Queering the Cosmology of the Vikings: A Queer Analysis of the Cult of Odin and “Holy White Stones”', Journal of Homosexuality, 54.1, (2008), 192-2008 (p. 195), <https://doi.org/10.1080/00918360801952085> [accessed 4 February 2020].

[52] Clover, p.6

[53] Snorri, p.36

[54] Sørensen, p.20

[55] Snorri, p.35

[56] Anthony Adams, ''He Took a Stone Away’: Castration and Cruelty in the Old Norse Sturlunga Saga', in Castration and Culture in the Middle Ages, ed. by Larissa Tracy (Suffolk: Boydell & Brewer, 2013), p. 206

[57] Solli, p.200

[58] Ross, p.70

[59] Ström, p.8

[60] Snorri, p.26

[61] Ross, p. 64

[62] Despite being racially different to the Æsir gods, the casting of a non-white actor to play Loke in the film Valhalla (2019) sparked online criticism.

[63] Ibid, p.263

[64] Snorri, p.27

[65] Ibid

[66] Ibid

[67] Ibid, p.42-44

[68] Ross, p.64

[69] Ibid, p.220

[70] Clover, p.13

[71] Ross, p. 165

[72] Self, p.332

[73]Ross, p.101

[74] Rooth, p.173

[75] John McKinnell, Essays on Eddic Poetry, ed. by Donata Kick and John D. Shafer (Toronto: University of Toronto Press), p. 195.

[76] Ibid

[77] Kathryn Hume, ' Loki and Odin: Old Gods Repurposed by Neil Gaiman', Studies in the Novel, 51.2, (2019), 297-310 (p. 298).

[78] Snorri, p.54

[79] Kevin Melrose, Loki will be bisexual, occasionally a woman in 'Agent of Asgard' (2013) <https://www.cbr.com/loki-will-be-bisexual-occasionally-a-woman-in-agent-of-asgard/> [accessed 11 March 2020].

[80] Kieron Gillen et al, Young Avengers Vol.2 (New York: Marvel Comics, 2014). #15

[81] Brian Michael Bendis et al, Dark Reign (New York: Marvel Comics, 2008).

[82] Stan Lee et al, Journey into Mystery (New York: Marvel Comics, 1952). #85

[83] Matthew McAllister, 'Cultural Argument and Organizational Constraint in the Comic Book Industry', Journal of Communication, 40.1, (1990), 55-71 (p. 55).

[84] Mackenzi Lee, Loki: Where Mischief Lies (New York: Marvel Press, 2019), p.218

[85] Ibid, p. 205

[86] Ibid, p.265

[87] Ibid, p.9

[88] Ibid, p.5

[89] Nancy Hirschmann, '“Queer/Fear: Disability, Sexuality, and The Other.” ', Journal of Medical Humanities, 34.2, (2013), 139-147 (p. 140), in Springer Science Business Media <https://link-springer-com.ezproxyd.bham.ac.uk/content/pdf/10.1007/s10912-013-9208-x.pdf> [accessed 11 March 2020].

[90] Rooth, p.187

[91] Al Ewing et al, Loki: Agent of Asgard The Complete Edition, ed. by Mark D. Beazley (New York: Marvel Comics, 2020), #2

[92] Sandra Bem, 'The Measurement of Psychological Androgyny ', Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 42.2, (1974), 155-162, <http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.472.525&rep=rep1&type=pdf> [accessed 11 March 2020].

[93] Lee, p.265

[94] Ibid

[95] Jonathan Alexander, 'Transgender Rhetorics: (Re)Composing Narratives of the Gendered Body.', College Composition and Communication, 57.1, (2005), 45-82 (p. 50), in ProQuest <https://search-proquest-com.ezproxye.bham.ac.uk/docview/220712396/fulltextPDF/BDE4C525A8C64762PQ/1?accountid=8630> [accessed 11 March 2020].

[96] Lee, p.362

[97] Ibid, p.223

[98]Sonja K. Foss, Mary E. Domenico, and Karen A. Foss, Gender Stories: Negotiating Identity in a Binary World (Illinois: Waveland, 2013). P.40

[99] Lee, 264

[100] Terrence R. Wandtke, The Amazing Transforming Superhero!: Essays on the Revision of Characters in Comic Books, Film, and Television, ed. by Terrence R. Wandtke (Jefferson: McFarland, 2007), p. 7.

[101] Aaron Blashill, Kimberly Powlishta, '“Gay Stereotypes: The Use of Sexual Orientation as a Cue for Gender-Related Attributes.” ', Sex Role, 61.1, (2009), 783-793 (p. 784).

[102] Lee, p.4

[103] Ibid, p.5

[104] Lisa Walker, Looking Like What You Are: Sexual Style, Race, and Lesbian Identity (New York: New York University Press, 2001).

[105] Ewing, #3

[106] Ibid, #9

[107] Blashill, Powlishta, p.984

[108] Norma Pecora, '“Superman/Superboys/Supermen: The Comic Book Hero as a Socializing Agent.”', in Men, Masculinity, and the Media, ed. by Steve Craig(Newbury Park: Sage, 1992), p. 61-77

[109] Carol Stabile, '“'Sweetheart, This Ain’t Gender Studies” Sexism and Superheroes. ', Communication and Critical/Cultural Studies, 6.1, (2009), 86-92.

[110] Luciano Vecchio et al, Marvel Voices #1 (New York: Marvel Comics, 2020).

[111] McAllister, p.55

[112] Lee, p.408

[113] Hirschmann, p.143

[114] Lee, p.205

[115] Ibid, p.230

[116] Ibid, p.70

[117] Ibid, p.5

[118] Lee, p.80-1

[119] Lee, p.81

[120] Ibid, p.408

[121] Ewing, #13

[122] Ewing, # 16

[123] Jennifer Nye, '"The Gender Box."', Berkeley Women's Law Journal, 13.1, (1998), 22-256 (p. 229).

[124] Ibid, p.228

[125] Lee, p.218

[126] Ibid

[127] Ibid, p.9

[128] Ibid, p.387

[129] Ibid

[130] Ibid, p.401

[131] Mark E LaPointe and Meredith Li-Vollmer, '"Gender Transgression and Villainy in Animated Film." ', Popular Communication: The International Journal of Media and Culture, 1.2, (2009), 89-109 (p. 90).

[132] Sandy Schaefer, Loki Will Struggle With Identity & Control in Marvel Disney+ Show (2020) <https://screenrant.com/loki-marvel-disney-plus-show-plot-identity-control/> [accessed 2 May 2020].

[133] In Marvel Loki is the child of frost giant king, Laufey, adopted by Odin.

[134] Ewing, #5.3

[135] Ibid #5.4

[136] Ibid #1

[137] Ibid #10

[138] Ibid, #8

[139] Adam Green, 'Queer Theory and Sociology: Locating the Subject and the Self in Sexuality Studies', Sociological Theory, 25.1, (2007), 26-45 (p. 32).

[140] Lee, p.95

[141] Ibid, p.44

[142] Alexander, p.52

[143] Walter Simonson et al, Thor (New York: Marvel Comics, 1966). #353

[144] Ewing, # 1

[145] Ibid, #16

[146] Ibid, #1

[147] Lee, p.359

[148] Ibid, p. 408

[149] Ibid, p.407

[150] Ewing, # 17

[151] Ibid

[152] McAllister, p.46

[153] Neil Gaiman, Norse Mythology (London: Bloomsbury Publishing Plc, 2017), p. 8.

[154] Tim Adams, Thor: Ragnarok's Valkyrie Is Bisexual, Tessa Thompson Confirms (2017) <https://www.cbr.com/thor-ragnarok-valkyrie-bisexual/> [accessed 5 May 2020].

[155] Bea Ciacoya, Brazilian Mayor Orders Armed Police Seize LGBTQIA+ Books, Leads to Protest (2019) <https://www.cbr.com/brazilian-mayor-orders-armed-police-seize-protest/> [accessed 5 May 2020].

[156] Rick Riodan, The Stonewall Award (2017) <https://rickriordan.com/2017/06/the-stonewall-award/> [accessed 5 May 2020].