#I would throw up if my group was suddenly responsible for over 200k

[messyfandom]

Congrats to The Magnus Protocol for being 1000% funded in less than an hour. Truly terrifying, true horror is in the real world etc, etc monster pig

[bettsfic]

march pinned: ending the sex project

in the march edition of my lowkey writing-related newsletter, in addition to my writing-related post roundup and upcoming consultation availability, i have personal essay recommendations and a segment on the definition of a project!

for more information on my creative coaching services, check out my carrd.

if you want to receive my lowkey writing-related newsletter directly, you can subscribe here.

full newsletter below the cut, or you can read it here.

fuck february, amiright?

i thought january was bad. but february. february was the stuff of nightmares. my cousin passed away from covid (you can read about her here; she was really an amazing person and i feel so lucky to have known her). i was finally formally diagnosed with PCOS (bittersweet, i guess). my car broke down. i took two (2) days off and it took me two and a half weeks to get caught up again. i can only hope march treats us all a little more gently.

the good news is, i finished revisions on my short story collection to send to my agent, finished workshop submissions for the semester, and now i can return to my first love, fanfiction. that i am constantly working through original fiction to return to fanfiction has been making me think a lot about the nature of a creative, capital-p Project. so, this month’s BTALA (been thinkin a lot about) is going to inspect the concept of a “project.”

new resource

last month i unveiled a folder of my favorite short stories which i’m pleased to hear several of you have perused and gotten some inspiration from. this month i’ve compiled my favorite personal essays. there are fewer essays than there are short stories because i’ve broken them into two groups: personal and craft. next month i hope to have the craft essays compiled.

i’m always looking for more things to love, so if you have recommendations for your favorite short stories and essays, i’d be happy to hear them!

writing-related posts

how to physically maneuver the revision process

the difference between M and E ratings of fic

resources for worldbuilding (check out the reblogs for more!)

a couple syntax/prose book recs

how to break a long work into chapters

march availability

unfortunately i have to cut my coaching hours down a bit, so i don’t have any openings left in march, but i have some availability in april. if you’re interested in a writing consultation, please fill out this google form!

you can learn more about my services on my carrd.

what i’m into rn

for the past year, i’ve basically been trapped in a 10x10 room, and my health is definitely reflecting that, both mentally (does anyone else feel like they’re living in groundhog day? just, every day being exactly the same except fractionally worse than the day before??) and physically (i reorganized the kitchen and could barely move for two days).

reader, i have discovered something called “walking,” in which i put on real human shoes and go outside. it feels strange, bestial. neighbors wave hello to me. a harrowing experience.

while doing this, this walking, i’ve been listening to the lolita podcast which a friend recommended to me, a ten-episode series that dives into everything lolita: the novel itself, its context, adaptations, greater cultural responses, and — as a sticker on my laptop says — vladimir “russian dreamboat” nabokov. as far as i can tell it seems well-researched and presents the many perspectives of lolita in a fair way. i’m only a few eps in, but i’m entranced so far. highly recommended if you, like me, have a complicated relationship with lolita.

i’ve also found myself mildly addicted to a mobile otome game called obey me, which. look i know it’s like the definition of cringe but it’s also mind-numbingly fun and if i want to spend my minimal free time pretending 7 demon brothers are all vying for my affection then that’s between me and god. it’s a lot of what i loved about WoW: frequent events, bright colors, a daily to do list of simple but satisfying tasks, many many rewards, and it doesn’t take itself very seriously. and if i have 4k fic written of mammon/reader that’s nobody’s business but mine and my longsuffering ao3 subscribers.

i’m telling you this because i don’t know anyone else who plays it and am desperate to trade headcanons. so if you play, or start playing, hit me up!! i will give u mad tips and daily AP.

been thinkin a lot about

the project. the project. even the word “project.” PROject (noun). proJECT (verb). what is the project? “project” comes from the latin pro and jacare which means “to throw forward,” or projectum which means “something prominent.” a projector throws forward an image. to project onto something means to throw your perspective onto something else. to embark on a project is to make something prominent in your life. the concept of “the projects” comes from public housing projects, the government throwing forward affordable housing.

what is the project? in joseph harris’ essay “coming to terms” he says that “to define the project of a writer is…to push beyond his text, to hazard a view about not only what someone has said but also what he was trying to accomplish by saying it.” harris’ perspective is that of an english teacher encouraging his students to read critically, not just to summarize a text but to find its project, its greater purpose. and while i first read this essay in a seminar on composition pedagogy, it stuck with me as a writer. it made me reconsider the greater nature of the creative project.

how many of us, if asked to describe our writing project, would begin with a plot or character premise, the nuts and bolts of a specific story? maybe even the working title? but i wonder, is breaking out the plot really the project? is the discipline of sitting down and typing really the project? and when the story is finished, is the project over? what is the project?

in 2019, i wrote 86k words of a novel. i began revising that novel last fall, and i’m finding that i’ll probably keep maybe less than 10k of that initial draft. i’m not bothered by that. the novel i wrote before that started at 125k, then i rewrote the entire thing to 200k, then i whittled it back down to 160k, and next i’ll be tasked with paring it back down to 80k. i’m not bothered by that either. in the past five years or so i’ve written about 2 million words, and i’ve only published 20k of them. only 1% of what i’ve written, i’ve published. in the words of lauren cooper (catherine tate), i’m not bothered.

i used to see publication as the birth of the project, and writing it akin to a long gestation period. then i saw publication as the death of the project, and its life was lived in its drafting. now, publication seems irrelevant to the project. the confines of a story and its many revisions are also irrelevant to the project. the beginning of a story is not the start of the project and the end of the story is not the end of the project. the project is larger than the story, its revisions, its publication, and its eventual readership.

i think it took me so long to see this because for so many years i was still in my first project, the sex project, an exploration of trauma and sexual identity, which began in 2014 with destiel fanfiction, endured through many fandom shifts, my MFA, years adrift as an adjunct, all the way through 2020 with the completion of my short story collection. i used to wonder how anyone could write about anything other than sex. to me it was the only topic worth my attention. i was certain that i would spend my entire life being a sex writer and i’d never find fulfillment writing a young adult sci fi adventure or a highly literary novel about complicated family dynamics. i was baffled by people who were interested in other things, who could write entire novels without using the word “cock�� even once.

then my sex project ended. i don’t know when exactly it happened or why, but suddenly i realized i never wanted to write another artful description of an orgasm or find a tactful euphemism for a vagina ever again (personally i prefer “wet cunt” because not only is it blunt, i find it phonetically pleasing). obviously i’m still writing explicit fanfic but it doesn’t feel the same as it used to. sex feels more sidelined to me, even if it’s still the center and drive of a fic. i no longer get any personal satisfaction from writing it, although i do get satisfaction in sharing the work for readers to enjoy.

it’s like i’ve somehow solved the biggest puzzle of my life. or i guess made peace with my meanest monster, that extremely complicated double-mind of desire that some non-sex-repulsed asexuals feel: you want to feel desire you can’t actually feel so you write it into fiction, to try to understand this thing you can’t have and which society tells you you’re missing, and you don’t even know if you don’t have it, because you still feel desire for affection and intimacy, and maybe even a desire to be desired. and for those of us who are asexual and have c-ptsd, sex you don’t actually want (but don’t know you don’t want, because maybe you’re ambivalent and mildly curious and touch-starved) and an unrelenting drive toward people-pleasing can be a dangerous combination. how can you ever know what consent is if you always put other people’s desires above your own?

maybe i’m alone in this. maybe i’m not. maybe for most people, wanting sex is a light switch: yes i want it, or no i don’t. but for me, i had to write a whole lot of words to figure out things like desire, consent, intimacy, forgiveness, the shape that good love takes. the lengthy theoretical flowchart of “i might be interested in having sex if this and this and this and this and this happens in this exact order and under these exact circumstances.”

it was hard to write something into reality that i have never seen except in pieces, in subtext i clung to with no lexicon to give it shape and meaning. te lawrence in lawrence of arabia. some of tarantino’s early work. the film benny and joon. and weirdly, the star wars prequels (that one’s hard to explain; i’ll spare you). i don’t think the sex project was about coming to terms with my asexuality as much as it was trying to organize my thoughts and feelings by continuously rendering my own experiences within a greater, shinier ideal — like how you sometimes have to unravel the entire skein of yarn to find the loose end, and only then can you get started.

i guess i’m in the infancy of the power project now. i’m moving toward themes of control, infamy, greatness. the exact circumstances in which atrocity occurs. how people rise into leadership and fall from grace. the consequences of success. i don’t know why this project has come to me, or what, if anything, it has to do with me. i’m not famous and have no intention of becoming famous; i don’t have social power or influence, at least not beyond my little corner of fandom, and i’m not interested in having it. and yet, here we are, already hundreds of thousands of words in.

my fics digging for orchids (tgcf) and a standing engagement (the hunger games) deal with the detriments of fame. and even float (breaking bad) to a degree is about the aftermath of being so close to power. my novel cherry pop, loosely based on macbeth, is about an ongoing power exchange between two teenage girls. my other novel, vandal, is about a girl who believes she has magic powers and casts a spell on her neighbor to fall in love with her. and i’m in the very early stages of a novel called groundswell, a cult story i’ve been wanting to write for years. i had no idea why i couldn’t write it until i realized it wasn’t yet my project. i’m not even to the stage of developing characters, let alone a premise or plot. i’m still just building my aesthetic pile (i discuss the aesthetic pile here, as well as vandal in more detail), watching documentaries on cults, reading books, finding inspiration, marking down ideas as they come. it may be years before i’m ready to sit down and write it.

now that i know what the project is, i have more patience with myself. it doesn’t bother me to rewrite a novel from the beginning, or to scrap novels altogether, because the story isn’t the project. the project cannot be diminished by cutting words, sentences, paragraphs, entire chapters. the project does not have a product. the project cannot be published. the project is in the practice, in dragging the impossibly large into clear, acute existence, so you can see it. so you can see the very center of what you thought was an unknowable thing.

[colbybrocksmolder]

Blue - Colby Brock x Reader - Part 1/3

I just want to start this out by saying that there’s mention of a past shitty relationship in this. Nothing is described in detail and it’s not crazy, but I figured I’d mention it just in case someone didn’t want to read this one. Also, I know that Colby’s apartment is the single bedroom version, but I wrote it more like Sam’s apartment. 2 bedrooms. Other than that, enjoy.

-----------------------------------------

“Yo, Mike!” Colby called, walking into Sam’s apartment. The weekly pizza party was well underway, as Colby searched through half empty boxes for a slice of pizza that didn’t have any vegetables on it.

“What’s up?” Mike called back, over the noise of the multiple conversations all happening at once in the living room.

“Dude, do you remember that artist I sent you a few months back? The girl that does super chill covers of like og emo songs?” Colby asked him, walking towards the couch.

“Yeah, yeah. You sent me the Taking Back Sunday cover, right?” Mike answered.

“Brother! She just covered one of your songs.” Colby said, tossing Mike his phone.

“No fucking way.” Mike said, putting the phone speaker close to his ear trying to hear it. “It’s too fucking loud in here”, he grumbled, hopping over the back of the couch and walking into Sam’s filming room.

Colby followed, closing the door behind him. “Start it over! I haven’t listened to it yet.”

Mike turned the volume all the way up and set the phone down in front of the both of them. The piano started a few seconds before the lyrics to “Bottles” beautifully flowed from her mouth.

“This is unreal.” Mike said, pointing to his arm. “I have goosebumps, dude.”

“Her voice gets me every time.” Colby added, shoving his pizza into his mouth.

Suddenly the filming room door swung open, Sam walking in. “Please don’t tell me you’re trying to stay here overnight again.” Sam whined, laughing.

“SSSSSHHHHHHHHHH” was the response he got, both Mike and Colby urging him to shut up.

“Jeez.” Sam threw his hands up in defense, walking over to see what they were doing. “Whoa, is this y/n?” Sam asked Colby.

“Covering my song.” Mike said, continuing to stare at the screen.

Slowly a few curious others in the group made their way into the small room. “Who was that?” Kat asked, having heard the last half of the song.

Colby turned around, seeing everyone standing behind him. “Holy shit!” he jumped, laughing. “I didn’t know anyone else was in here.”

“Her name is Y/n. She’s this cover artist that Colby has been listening to for like 3 years. She posts her own songs too, but she’s known for doing covers of songs that aren’t really ‘pretty’ songs and turning them into…well what you just heard.” Sam explained.

“She’s got a beautiful voice.” Kat replied, leaning down to look at the phone. “The video has over 200k views, too. That’s good exposure for you, Mike.”

“No way.” Colby grabbed his phone. “I got the video notification less than an hour ago.”

“This is nuts.” Mike said, grabbing his own phone.

Looking underneath the video title, Colby read the description to himself. “Dude, dude, dude. Listen to this.” he said, reading the description out loud. “Hey everyone! Today’s cover means a lot to me. For those of you that follow my blog, you know that I’ve been struggling to feel motivated to continue posting videos. Lately it feels like so many artists just want to drag other artists. There’s a lot of negativity and judgement and honestly, it just feels shallow and fake.”

“Preach, girl.” Kat half mumbled.

Colby laughed, continuing. “Over the last month or so, I’ve been fortunate enough to have found quite a few new artists that have inspired me to continue pushing the genre boundaries. Mike’s Dead is one of those artists.” Colby paused to slap Mike on the shoulder before continuing. “He posts what he wants to post and it’s so refreshing to see someone that doesn’t really care if you like it or not. It doesn’t matter if you fit in a cookie cutter mold. It doesn’t matter if you like sad songs or gospel songs or rap songs. It doesn’t matter if you wear short skirts or baggy t shirts or too much eye liner. If you want to create, create. The world needs more people creating and less people tearing others down. Thank you, Mike. You’ll probably never see this, but if you do, I hope you enjoy it. -Love, Y/n. #DeadArmy”

“Damn, son.” Kevin yelled, “My boy out here reachin’ people!” He threw his arms around Mike, jumping up and down.

“I don’t even know what to do.” Mike said, falling back on the couch. “Do I dm her? Do I tweet out the cover? Do I ask her to marry me?” he laughed.

“Damnit, you’re taller than me AND you make music. There go my chances with her.” Colby laughed.

“I’m gonna tweet this out. Do you know her twitter handle?” Mike asked.

“Yeah, yeah. Right here.” Colby pointed to her social media list in her description.

“How does this sound?” Mike said, reading his tweet. “I’m speechless. @ColbyBrock just showed me the most breathtaking cover of one of my songs posted by @y/n. I literally have no words. *link* Everyone go show this girl all the love!”

“Go for it, dude. I’ll retweet it.” Colby replied. Everyone else in the room grabbed their phones to do the same. Colby hit the retweet button, adding his own message. “I’ve been listening to this girl for a few years now and it’s CRAZY to see her cover one of my friend’s songs. She has the most beautiful voice I’ve ever heard. Everybody check the video out and fill the comment section with love!”

Everybody made sure to follow her twitter and sub to her channel.

Mike scrolled through the responses he got to his tweet. “Someone just replied asking if this was why my subscribers went up so quickly.”

“Check your live count.” Sam said, writing out his own retweet. “Living with @ColbyBrock I’ve definitely heard all of this girl’s covers at least a hundred times. You are going to be blown away by what she did with Mike’s song. Go listen!”

“Holy shit, my subs have doubled.” Mike said, throwing his phone to Colby. “I don’t know what’s going on. Someone tell me we have alcohol in this apartment.”

“Next door, brother. My place, above the dishwasher. Grab whatever.” Colby replied, watching Mike’s live sub count continue to grow.

The next morning, Colby woke up to a follow notification and a dm from y/n. “Hey! Omg! Thank you so much for passing my cover on to Mike. And thank you for saying such kind things. I woke up to THOUSANDS of comments from your fans and all of them were lovely.”

“Holy shit”, Colby swore, sitting up in his bed. He looked through his notifications and saw a few texts from Mike, as well, from over an hour ago.

Mike – Dude

Mike – Brother

Mike – She messaged me

Mike – I asked her if she would ever be interested in recording together

Colby – She dm’d me too. I just woke up so I haven’t messaged her back yet. Did she answer you???

Colby started writing out his response to y/n. “You are so welcome! We were both blown away by the cover. You did an amazing job. I’m trying so hard not to fanboy right now, haha. I’m happy to hear that the Sam and Colby fans have been kind to you. I’d like to think we have the best fans ever.”

He quickly saw the little typing bubble pup up. “Haha, you don’t seem like the type to fanboy. And yes, I didn’t see a single mean comment.”

*incoming call – Dead Boy*

Colby picked up the phone “Miiiiiiiike!”

Mike laughed, “Holy shit. I just got off of FaceTime with Y/n.”

“WHAT?!” Colby’s voice cracked.

“Dude, she’s so cool. She seems totally down to come to LA.” Mike laughed at Colby’s reaction.

“This is crazy.” Colby said, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “When is she going to visit?”

“She said she just needs to figure out where to stay.” Mike explained. “She wants to come down for like a month so we can write and she can work with a few other people. She talked to Kat too!”

“Did you tell her she could easily stay with one of us? We’ve got a few open rooms between our little group.” Colby asked.

“Of course, but she kept saying she couldn’t impose on us like that.” Mike replied. “I told her she wouldn’t be, but she insisted.”

“She wouldn’t be at all!” Colby agreed. “Dude, we have friends crash with us all the time!”

“I know, I know. I didn’t want to push it, though. Maybe she is just uncomfortable not having her own space.” Mike suggested.

“Maybe”, Colby replied. “Well keep me in the loop, man. This still seems so crazy.” He laughed.

“Of course, dude. I’ll catch you later.”

After saying their goodbyes, Colby reopened Y/n’s dm and started typing. “Believe me, Y/n, I have my fanboy moments, haha.”

He added another message before she could reply. “I just got off the phone with Mike! I’m stoked to hear you’re going to try to visit! I just wanted to make sure you know that you’re more than welcome to stay with one of us. I’ve got a whole spare bedroom set up and so does Kat. And there’s always room at Mike’s place, too. I totally get it if you’re just not comfortable because you don’t know us, but I wanted to let you know you wouldn’t be imposing on anyone. Promise.”

“Maybe I’ll get to witness one of these ‘fanboy’ moments myself, Brock.” Y/n replied. “And omg no! It’s not that I don’t trust you guys. Honestly, I’m excited to meet your whole group of friends. You guys seem so chill. I just won’t be traveling alone.”

Colby cocked his head a bit reading the last dm. “Oooh, are you visiting with your boyfriend or something?” He replied, mumbling “figures” to himself.

“LOL, that’s a big no.” she quickly replied.

“Thank god.” Colby said out loud, seeing the typing bubble pop back up.

“I have never posted this online, but I have a 2 and a half year-old daughter. Her dad will never be in our lives again for multiple reasons.” She wrote. “I couldn’t ask anyone to host both of us for that long. Being a single parent is work and I don’t want to interrupt someone else’s life that drastically.”

Colby’s eyes widened. “Whooaaa”, he said out loud, re-reading her last dm. After thinking about it for a few minutes, he still couldn’t really come up with any reasons why they couldn’t stay with him. He actually likes kids and kids tend to like him. “Damn, praise to you for doing it alone. I can’t imagine how much work it takes.” Colby typed back.

“Thanks, lol. It’s definitely work, but once you actually become a parent it’s just…worth it. Her name is Ivy and she’s my everything.” Y/n typed back.

Taking a deep breath, Colby started typing. “First, what a cute name. Second, at the risk of me sounding pushy, I’m going to offer you my spare bedroom again. I swear on my YouTube channel you won’t be imposing at all. I have this place to myself and I love kids. There could be toys and other kid stuff strewn all over the apartment and I promise, it’d be fine. You don’t have to decide now, but just think about it okay?”

Colby didn’t get a message back for a solid 5 minutes and he started to worry that he had overstepped. He let out a huge sigh of relief when he finally got her reply. “The kindness and hospitality you guys have already shown me has blown me away. I promise I’ll consider it. And thank you for going out of your way to make me feel welcome. I am very much looking forward to meeting you. <3”

“I’m glad to hear it. And ditto. I can’t wait to finally meet you. Honestly, y/n, your music is my go-to when I need to get out of my own head.” He replied.  “I have to go shower and get ready to film a video. Let me know what you decide!”

“Will do, Brock. <3.”

Over the next few weeks plans were made, friendships grew, late night talks were had….and finally, the day everyone had been waiting for was just around the corner.

“Okay, I’m in. As long as you’re sure you’re okay living with my crazy little girl for a while, I’ll start my road trip to LA this weekend.” Y/n said into the phone, watching her daughter eat an apple pancake while watching one of her favorite movies.

“Yessss” she heard Colby cheer into phone. “Have you talked to Mike and Kat yet?”

“Yeah, they know I’m heading down soon.” She replied. “Honestly, this couldn’t have come at a better time. I need a new adventure and I think we could both use some California sunshine.”

“Well, California is waiting for you. I know you’re driving here so you can bring whatever you need for Ivy but let me know if you need me to pick anything up.” He told her. “I made you a set of keys, I’ve removed anything dangerous from the bottom half of my apartment, I got those little clear plug things to make sure the outlets are safe, there’s a baby gate on the stairs….” Colby started rambling. He had been doing everything he could to baby proof his place.

“Colby!” Y/n laughed, interrupting his run-on sentence. “You are too good to me. I promise your place is fine as-is. Ivy has grown up around all of my recording equipment and she’s never once gotten hurt. If there’s anything I’m worried about, I promise I’ll tell you.”

“Sorry.” Colby laughed. “I think I’m just excited to meet both of you.”

Ivy squealed, laughing at her favorite part in the movie. “Well we’re both excited to meet you, too.”

Colby, Sam, Kat and Mike were all hanging out in Colby’s apartment, waiting for Y/n to arrive. Colby had just gotten a text from her saying she was getting off of the freeway.

“She’s only like 5 minutes away so I’m going to meet her down where I told her to park.” Colby said, slipping on his Vans.

“We probably shouldn’t all meet her down there, right?” Sam asked. “If I rolled up to a new place and a mob of people greeted me at my car door, I may not want to get out”, he laughed.

“She also doesn’t know we’re here.” Mike chuckled.

“I’ll go down alone and then I can text you guys to come down and help bring her stuff up. Does that work?” Colby asked, headed to his door.

“Sounds like a plan.” Kat replied. When Colby left the apartment, she turned to the two other boys. “He seem off to either of you?”

“He’s nervous.” Sam smiled, knowing Colby better than anyone else on the planet.

“He hasn’t talked about anything but y/n since she posted that cover.” Mike added. “I thought I was hella excited about this, but meeting her is a whole other thing to him.”

“Her music means a lot to him.” Sam explained. “Yeah, her covers are what she’s known for, but he loves her original stuff. When we lived together, I could always tell when Colby was anxious because I’d hear her music coming from his room.”

“Aww, that’s actually super sweet.” Kat gushed.

Downstairs, Colby was watching the gate. He knew she drove a black SUV and that she would pull in any minute. Finally spotting her, he waved her in and pointed towards the spot where she could park.

Climbing out of the driver’s seat, Y/n opened the back driver’s side door to check on Ivy. “Colby?” she called, peeking around the back.

“I’m here!” he laughed, walking towards Y/n with his arms open. “I’m glad you guys made it safe.” He said, pulling her into a long-awaited hug.

“Same.” She replied, wrapping her arms around him. “California drivers are crazy.” She chuckled.

“That is a fact.” He replied, looking into the car to see Ivy asleep in her car-seat. “She is freaken adorable.”

“Thanks.” Y/n smiled up at him. “She just fell asleep, too. I’m going to try not to wake her up.”

“Mike, Kat, and Sam are upstairs. I’ll text them to come down and help grab stuff. We can probably make it in one trip.” Colby said, texting Sam and telling them to head down. He sent another message saying that Ivy was asleep and that they shouldn’t yell.

“Oh, my god. I get to meet so many of you right away.” y/n said, unbuckling Ivy.

“We’re all a little excited.” Colby laughed. “Where is her playpen so I can grab that first. Then she’ll have a place to nap.”

“It’s that red thing right there”, she pointed, pulling Ivy to rest against her chest.

“Is it easy to set up or should I hold the little one while you use mom witchery to put it together?” Colby said, laughing.

“Actually, you may be on to something there. If you’re sure you’re okay holding Ivy, I’ll hand you her and her bag and I’ll grab the important stuff out of the back.” Y/n answered, turning so It would be easier to pass off Ivy.

“Of course I’m okay holding her.” Colby said, rubbing her back before moving her from Y/n’s chest to his. He gently swayed, hoping to keep her asleep.

The rest of the group walked out of the elevator and straight towards the SUV. “Awwww, Sam. Look at him holding the little girl.” Kat quietly spoke to her boyfriend.

“Yeah, I can’t lie. That shit is cute as fuck.” Mike giggled, looking at Sam and Kat.

Y/n turned towards the laughter and saw the group. She let out a quiet squeal and ran towards them. “This feels unreal.” She said, hugging them each. “I feel like I’ve talked to you guys nonstop for weeks and now I’m here and it’s just…Oh, my god.”

“Well we are so happy you made the trip.” Kat said, pulling her into another hug.

Colby walked towards them, cradling Ivy against his chest. “I’m going to head up with her if that’s okay, y/n?” He was rubbing soothing circles into Ivy’s back. “A car honked and startled her awake, but I think I got her to fall back asleep.”

“Aww, you’re a natural.” y/n smiled at him, leaning in to press a kiss to her daughter’s temple. “I’ll let them know what else needs to be brought up and we’ll meet you up there in a minute.”

Colby walked towards the elevators and the rest of them walked towards the SUV.

“There’s not too much other than the bags to bring up. I decided it was easier to buy a few things new than to try to break them down, pack them, and rebuild them.” Y/n said, grabbing things out of the back.

“I don’t blame you.” Kat replied, grabbing one of the bags. “I’ll go with you to pick up what you need from the store.”

“Thank you! That’s perfect. I’m going to need to pick up coffee on the way, too.” Y/n said, walking back to the front of the car and grabbing her handbag.

“There’s a coffee shop on every corner, here. Caffeine is a way of life.” Sam said, making sure they had grabbed everything y/n needed out of the car.

“There’s actually a huge baby/kids store like 2 miles up the road.” Mike added, closing the hatch to the SUV. When he turned around, everyone was staring at him wondering why he knew that. “Oh. Yeah. I pranked Aryia while he was on keto by replacing everything in our fridge with baby food”, he laughed.

“That makes a lot more sense.” Sam nodded.

When the group finally made it up to Colby’s apartment, Sam led the way in. They tried to stay as quiet as possible. “Colby?” Y/n whispered, looking to ask where the best place to set up the playpen was.

“His spare room is this way.” Kat led the line of people carrying bags. “Lets just put all of your stuff in here and you can sort it when you aren’t afraid to make noise.”

The boys set the bags they were carrying by the closet and left to find Colby. When Kat and Y/n walked out of the spare room, they saw Sam and Mike both taking pictures of something on the couch.

“Tell me that isn’t the cutest thing you’ve ever seen in your life.” Mike turned to the girls, showing them one of the pictures.

Colby had taken Ivy upstairs and laid down on the couch, hoping to keep the little girl asleep while they waited for y/n. Ivy was laying on his chest, one of his hands resting on her back, and Colby had fallen asleep. The two of them peacefully napping, tucked into the corner of the couch.

“Send me that one.” Y/n said, smiling down at the scene in front of her. “I was going to write a blog post about her and this trip at some point tonight and that picture is perfect for it.”

“He didn’t sleep at all last night, so I’m not surprised he fell asleep.” Sam chuckled.

“Well, I vote we leave the boys here and we make that run to the store.” Kat said, linking arms with Y/n.

“I don’t want to leave you guys to take care of her, though.” Y/n said, explaining her worry. “If she wakes up and gets fussy or something, I don’t want you guys to have to deal with that.”

“Y/n, she’s going to be fine. I’ve snuggled against that chest. It’s hella comfortable. She isn’t going to wake up.” Mike joked.

Sam laughed, “Also, we’ve all babysat before. I’ve passed diaper duty training AND I’m a whiz with snacks.”

“We’ll be 5 minutes away, max.” Kat added.

“This is all too easy. You guys are too nice.” Y/n felt her eyes water a bit. “I am not used to anyone caring this much.” She tried to wipe the tears away before they fell.

“Well get used to it.” Kat said, wrapping her arms around y/n. “Our group of friends has kind of adopted you guys at this point and you haven’t even met everyone.”

“Seriously.” Mike said, standing up and pulling y/n into a hug. “We’re all happy to have you guys here.”

The shopping trip was a success and the girls were headed back to the apartment. Colby woke up to the feeling of something in his hair. Ivy was snuggled between Colby and the back of the couch, her tiny fingers running through his blue hair. Colby looked over at the other couch to see Sam asleep and Mike holding his phone out, recording him.

Colby turned his head to look at Ivy and her fingers stopped moving for a second. She looked at his hair and mumbled out the word “blue.”

Colby couldn’t help but chuckle. “You are correct. And so so cute”, he smiled at the little girl.

She then took her pointer finger and ever so gently, put it under one of Colby’s eyes. She smiled and squealed out a higher pitched “blue!”

“I see a reoccurring theme here, kiddo.” He laughed, turning his head when he heard the door open.

“It’s official. I caught the cutest thing in the world on camera.” Mike yelled, waking up Sam. He sent Y/n the video in a text. “How do you not constantly record her?”

“Oh, god. She’s going to leave California with her own YouTube channel, isn’t she?” Y/n laughed, her and Kat taking the purchases to the spare bedroom.

With the 5 adults MOSTLY helping, the spare room and the few things spread around the apartment came together fairly quickly. As the evening was winding down, plans were made for the following days. A trip to the slap house, A lunch with Kat so that she could meet the rest of the girls, and of course…where this whole journey started. Pizza night. Everyone wanted y/n to get settled before they locked themselves in creative mode and started writing and working on music.

Sam and Kat headed off to Sam’s apartment and after Mike finished making plans with y/n, he headed off as well.

Colby and Ivy were both sprawled out on the couch watching a movie while Y/n unpacked all of their clothes into the spare bedroom closet. He looked over at Ivy, laughing when he saw her yawn for the hundredth time. “You sleepy, kiddo?” Ivy shook her head no, her eyes going back to the Tv. Big Hero 6 playing for the third time since she had woken up from her nap. Hearing a knock on his door, Colby yelled for whoever it was to come in.

“Everyone already leave?” Jake asked, Tara following him into the apartment.

“You just missed Mike. Sam and Kat left a while ago.” Colby replied.

Jake saw Ivy peek over the arm of couch at him and Tara. “Well aren’t you the cutest thing in the world”, he said, walking towards the living room.

Ivy giggled and climbed over Colby, hiding between him and the back of the couch. “I don’t know how she’s still awake.” Colby laughed, slipping his arms around the squirmy little girl. “Ivy this is Jake and Tara.”

Ivy waved, saying a little “hi” before her attention fell back on the television screen, her head falling against Colby’s chest.

“Y/n’s just unpacking stuff in there.” Colby pointed towards the spare bedroom.

Tara grabbed Jake’s hand, pulling him to follow her into the open door of the spare room. After introductions, Tara stayed to help with the unpacking and Jake went back out to chill with Colby and Ivy.

“How’s it going so far?” Jake quietly asked, sitting on the coffee table facing Colby.

“Terrifyingly easy.” Colby answered, looking down and finding Ivy fast asleep.

“Well that’s a good thing, right?”, Jake said. “Y/n seems to fit right in. Her and Tara are bonding over SpongeBob memes as we speak.”

“That’s the terrifying part.” Colby said, gently brushing Ivy’s hair out of her face. “They’re here for a month. They’ve only been here for like 7 hours and I’m already sad that they’re going to leave.”

Jake watched Colby gazing down at the tiny sleeping figure in his arms. “I don’t know, brother. You’re usually a loner that likes his space. You might be happy when you’ve got your apartment back”, Jake laughed.

Colby just sighed. *what the fuck am I getting myself into?* he thought to himself....................

part 2

part 3