#I would ramble about both of their backstories but I’m sick sorry | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

the-frankenmost · 9 months ago

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Alright so, I don’t talk about my canon openly very much, but I think there’s at least two people who want to hear about here so I’m just gonna ramble.

I don’t remember a lot before Gloomsvile so we’re not getting much of a “backstory” here :/ sorry. I do remember that it was only Mom though. I was a total momma’s boy. Len was very obviously the favorite though. I don’t really want to get into that here. I had (and still have) ADHD and Autism. Can’t comment on Len too much because memory is still very fragmented, but he definitely was not neurotypical. I was a very sensitive little guy while Len was the more rough and tough boy. Mom would call me a cry baby a lot. Len and I were twins, we weren’t born conjoined. I don’t remember how we died which is probably a good thing. Len loved creepy crawlies, I did not. He’d play with worms and I’d just be there freaking out. Still really don’t like the squirmy type.

Came to Gloomsville in search of more and stayed because, Ruby, duh. R.I.P Actually hit it off In Gloomsville and the neighboring towns. I remember the first time we made it into the paper, Ruby threw a big party and Len and I ate too much and got sick lol.

One time Skullboy thought he was related to a long line of Rock Stars and tried to get us to let him join the band. I’m named Frank for a reason (jk). Shut that shit down quick. Dude sucks at music. I think Iris AND Misery had had crushes on us for a while but that was extremely short lived. I don’t think anyone in that house was straight

(-Poe & Skull Boy) but I was probably the last one to come out for reasons we’ll get to later.

This is where the memories get more frequent and also a bit more sensitive. Read ahead at your own risk please.

Len and I had a medical emergency one night and for some reason the only solution the doctors could think of was to separate us, we were so far gone when they had us sign a waiver so neither of us could comprehend what was happening. Woke up in my own hospital bed in my own hospital room. Good lord the fear I felt that afternoon. Apparently Len had been freaking out way worse because he’d woken up like two days before I did. Shit was terrifying. You’d think “oh well now you get to experience privacy!” Fuck that I want my brother. I don’t remember exactly what had been wrong but both of us needed several different transplants, I got a new stomach. With that came new stomach issues. Could no longer have a lot of favorite foods or I’d get really sick. Len got off easy, I’m happy for him. We both got new dicks because we’d shared one. God bless that decision holy shit.

It was shortly after the emergency separation is when my mental health started to decline and I had that big meltdown that Skull Boy found reason enough to break my nose. In all fairness he’d thought I’d shoved Ruby when really I’d just startled her pretty bad. Not much better in my opinion. She didn’t deserve that. The guilt is what drove me to go hide in the woods surrounding the house. I’d originally planned to cool off and then lock myself in the garage for a while but fate had other plans for me that night. Took a tumble all the way down that huge hill the house sat on. I tried to find my way back home, I really did I promise. But I’d been so exhausted and was so lost I’d ended up in the neighboring town in the complete opposite direction of the house. I was lost in those woods for so long I’d kinda lost it a bit. My brain convinced me that there was nothing for me back home and that they didn’t want me there anymore. Kinda exiled myself at that point. Some guy found me collapsed in the snow and took me to him place to fix me up so I wouldn’t die out there. Definitely would have if he hadn’t found me. He’s the one who gave me the train ticket and the deed to the farm in Pelican town.

The train ride took days to get to Zuzu city. I slept the whole time anyway so don’t remember much. Lewis met me at the station and escorted me to the bus to the town. Passed out on the bus and woke up in the hospital, again. Getting real sick of that. Harvey thought Lewis had brought him a corpse at first so when I’d woken up he freaked out. Comforting. People would come visit. They were so nice. Got released from the hospital and Lewis and Robin showed me to the Farm. I miss the farm to this very day. I’d give anything to go back. Got the place all cleaned up with Robin’s help. Hid in the old cottage, refusing to come out for a month or so. Finally decided to try planting the seeds Caroline had given me to start the garden. Was very cynical about it until the little baby seedlings popped up. Immediately was hooked. I’d sit on the steps leading to the patio and just talk to the little guys. Random chicken showed up on my property one day and that’s when I’d met Jas, Vincent and Charlie. Jas was fascinated while Vincent was dragging her away from the farm screaming and crying that I was going to eat them. Only came outside to water after that. I’d catch Jas snooping around the property. She reminded me of Ruby so I’d get sad. She’d leave little flowers from the fields surrounding the ranch just south of the farm. Those flowers kept me chugging during that period of time. Eventually decided I wanted to keep Chickens for company so I made my way to the ranch. That’s when I met Marnie and Shane. Marnie had Shane help me with building the coop and the run. Didn’t say much. Marnie took it upon herself to keep pressuring him to come help on the farm after a while. He’d never really say much to me. We all know where that ended up.

Shane and I would talk more and more with each visit. Jas would come help too. I got fairly dependent on their visits. As Shane and I would talk more we’d get closer. We officially started dating about six months after I’d first got there. I was happy for the first time in ages, and so was he.

Things carried on as they were for two years until the big Stardew County fair. I was cleaning up my little booth when I heard a familiar voice shouting my name. I don’t know how or why they’d decided to attend this fair of all the other fairs and festivals but they’d found me. Len quickly went from sobbing in relief that I was alive to throttling me. Oh ho ho he was pissed when he found out about Shane. Had to pry him off of him. Poor Shane was so rattled. We had a big sit down talk with everyone. Skull Boy couldn’t even look me in the eyes. I could tell he blamed himself for my disappearance, and that made me feel terrible. Ruby never gave up on looking for me.

Everything eventually went back to normal. They’d come visit fairly regularly. Len would just show up unannounced sometimes but I liked it. Shane didn’t. Shane and I eventually got married and this is where you’d think it was happily ever after. I wish that was the case. I really do. I don’t remember the exact amount of time between that and my eventual, untimely death. It wasn’t long enough though. I was so happy. I had my friends back. I had my brother back. I was married with an adopted daughter, though Jas continued to refer to me as “ Uncle Frank” I didn’t mind though. I’d told Shane I was going to the mines and he practically begged me not to go because I’d previously gotten hurt down there, but I’m a hard headed, stubborn idiot. He knew he couldn’t stop me so instead he came along. I don’t know what happened down there, as I’ve blocked it out but something terrible obviously. Shane carried me all the way to Harvey’s, but it was too late. There was nothing anyone could do.

And now I’m here. Anyway, it’s 2am so I’m going to sleep now. I’m certain there are typos but I can’t be bothered. Goodnight.

#ruby gloom #frank and len #frank kin #ruby gloom kin #stardew valley #sdv #canon #yeah

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rosettastarlight · 2 years ago

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Since I’m finally feeling better, and I figured I should get this all out now before the life gets sucked out of me by the joy that is customer service during the Holidays, bleh, but this is basically headcanons I’ve got for the au where Jim Hopper and Vance Hopper are father and son. Obviously, this is full au since I’ve already discussed canon compliant because the timelines match up a lot better than you think for a tragic backstory, but anyway! Full au entails the Black Phone taking place around 1983 or 1984 which would make Vance only about a year or two above El (I can never see him past 14 whenever I post about him, so he’s 14 when he moves to Hawkins and 13 when he was kidnapped), where Vance ends up moving to Hawkins after his dad insists on seeing him more because both the Grabber and Disappearance of Will Byers would, um, definitely be incidents that made Hopper realize life’s too short.

I feel like I should also mention I personally headcanon Vance as autistic, and I might give him traits I myself have. Also, that in this au, Vance would have been born in 1969-70 instead of 1964 to fit, and that the “Refrigerator mom theory” was only just starting to be discredited in the 60s and 70s, which was a theory people believed meant autism and neurodivergent symptoms in general were the parents’ fault because they didn’t give their child the correct amount of love and attention they should have during their developmental years. With that aside, I kinda tend to ramble, so if this is long, I’m sorry.

It’s mostly about some I have about Vance in general and the Hopper family before Sarah died, so on we go!

Hopper was still very much nervous about having kids due to the stories he heard from old friends who were exposed to Agent Orange with him, about their kids being born wrong or not at all, so he'd never been more relieved or happy when Vance was born perfectly fine if a little early. He figured he maybe got lucky, and wasn’t quite as anxious or felt as guilty about withholding the risks from Diane when she told him she was pregnant again nearly a year later.

Of course, when Sarah got sick with cancer, Jim realized he wasn’t the one that was lucky, Vance was, and he does wonder to himself sometimes through the years if maybe the reason Vance is so “different” is because the chemicals were passed down to him through Jim, too, just in a different way.

The camera shot of Hopper crying in the hospital stairwell is through the perspective of nine-year-old Vance who realized in that moment his sister was never getting better because his father never cries.

Vance is very touch averse unless you're close to him like friends, his parents or Sarah, and even then a warning is best, from behind is not advised without letting him know its you (after escaping the Grabber, coming up and touches from behind was completely off limits for a long while, it sent him into full fight or flight mode and you know exactly which one he's gonna pick), and sometimes touch can still get too much and he will make it known. He reacts really badly otherwise, if you are not close and you touch him, you get a warning on good days by just pushing you away and on bad days, expect him to swing at you.

Vance is not good at reading social cues or how he's supposed to react in certain situations, which results in his rude and standoffish behavior.

When he likes something, he gets very cautious with anything different, someone once posted that getting Vance to try something new is like getting a feral cat into a bath, and that's all I can see.

When getting instructions, Vance needs them super specific, he'll ask questions and such of what exactly he's doing or grabbing, it drives Jim up the wall and he tries to stay patient when Vance is practically interrogating him or when he's not specific enough which ends with Vance bringing back or doing the wrong thing he was supposed to.

This is both because Hopper knows his son just wants to be sure and do a good job and because he knows if he loses his temper and snaps at him, Vance will bring or do the wrong thing on purpose out of pure pettiness and spite.

Jim and Vance's similarities both divide them and bring them together. When Vance was a kid, it helped bond them because while Jim didn't entirely understand what Vance had, he did understand Vance got angry easily the same way he did when he was younger (although for different reasons, Jim because his dad was a fairly abusive douchebag, and Vance because he is easily overstimulated and had a lot of meltdowns.), and tried ways that helped his anger issues to help Vance that actually worked somewhat.

Big Hopper taught little Hopper how to fight. He thought it might help Vance to get the anger out since sometimes, to him, you just need to hit something, and would often encourage him to playfight or practice his punches when he could see Vance start to get overwhelmed at home.

Diane fought with him about it because she didn't like him encouraging violence to solve problems.

Hopper would also playing loud music on the car radio that he knew Vance liked to calm him down by being able to listen to just one, constant sound while he quietly coached him through breathing techniques.

Overall, neither he nor Diane really understood how to deal with Vance, they did try their best with varying results, but every now and then Vance tries to let them know the effort’s still appreciated.

Jim honestly doesn't mind Vance's aversion and just chooses to appreciate that he must be doing something right that Vance feels safe enough around him to consider his touch familiar and calming.

When they were still married, Diane mostly handled Vance since he needed to be handled somewhat delicately because of his aversions and hypersensitivity but at the same time needed to be taught his behavior wasn’t okay when the teacher called home for the tenth time that week on Wednesday. Meanwhile, because of Jim’s hesitance to be too strict or get angry with either of his kids, he let Sarah get away with a lot.

Daddy’s girl Sarah and Mama’s boy Vance.

I’m taking more my experiences with my brother as kids for this one since we don’t know a lot about Sarah.

Sarah and Vance were pretty close, actually, despite their differences, though Vance had to be reminded a few times to be gentle with his sister. Sometimes, the cute aggression would take hold, and he’d tackle her, poke, or pinch her playfully, and once or twice just pick her up to show he could and carry her around the house like a big teddy bear.

They would chase each other a lot and bring back home sticks, rocks, and whatever poor unfortunate worm they found on the sidewalk or grass outside.

They both loved animals and the zoo, and while never successful, would hide from their parents whenever they lured home a stray animal from mice to dogs.

Even as a kid, Vance would probably try to catch baby alligators if you let him, and “No, honey, you cannot pet the giant snake, just because it’s friend-shaped does not mean it’s a friend.”

Like most siblings, they did get into fights that would turn into brawls, but despite what Jim would ever believe, 8 times out of 10, Sarah did start it and she was a biter.

This is getting really long, so I’m just gonna make this part 1 of 2 and get back to this later.

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myalchod · 1 month ago

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Dearest Charis, I have some things to ask you if you don’t mind!

Who is your #1 character from FTWS, and who do you like the least?

If you could change anything to Fate canon, what would it be?

Have you read or seen anything from the comic? Any thoughts?

Thank you!

Mysterious Hex Anon, is that you? 👀 Either way, questions! I like questions! And if I don't answer them promptly I'll get completely distracted by Things, so welcome to the Braindump Hour. Are you ready for some rambling?

Who is your #1 character from FTWS, and who do you like the least?

Okay, but I clearly can’t say that I like Random Specialist #37 the least, so I have to narrow this down somehow. And I’m still going to tantrum like a small sulky child because I hate decisions like this -- never have I ever been good at picking a singular favourite. But if I absolutely have to pick just one favourite, I think Farah just edges out Saul for the top spot. She’s why I watched the show in the first place. There are so many things about her that land her squarely in my kryptonite zone: emotionally constipated older woman haunted by her own past and unresolved issues and enough guilt to power a small town, doomed by the narrative, aware enough of this fact to hold herself just that bit apart while also not aware enough to realise how this makes that doom a self-fulfilling prophecy? Yeah, I was pretty much set up to wail over her grave from the word ‘go’. Least favourite … oof. That’s a tough one too, because the deeper I get into this show the more fond I find myself of most of the characters? Of the core cast, it’s probably either Dane or Sam, and it’s mostly that I just don’t particularly find myself engaging with either of them. Most of the others I’ve seen enough of to be intrigued by some aspect, but … meh. (Characters you’re supposed to dislike don’t really count for this, I think, so the likes of Callum and Arthur -- in addition to being peripheral -- wouldn’t figure in. And I’m ignoring Bloom’s parents too, because removing a child’s bedroom door is a bridge too far and just no.)

If you could change anything to Fate canon, what would it be?

Okay, but do I have a limit? Because “anything” isn’t “one thing” and oh my god nonny, there are so many things I would change, even if a lot of them are probably more meta (give me more detail, show, I want a thousand pages of backstory and worldbuilding, or reconcile these things that don’t seem to fit together, or give me more focus on the characters I like most). That said, if there’s one thing that I am the saltiest about in the broadest terms possible, it’s how Farah’s death was handled -- both in terms of reaction (or lack thereof) and in terms of the “lol yeah I actually did die, sorry, no coming back from that”, because I am so sick and tired of my blorbos always dying. It’s very unfair.

Have you read or seen anything from the comic? Any thoughts?

There were some panels and information shared in the Winxsource server, but I’ve not read the comic itself, nor do I have any particular inclination to doing so based on that limited knowledge … which probably tells you the general direction of my thoughts on the subject. I’m not impressed based on what I saw; the biggest issue I have with it is that it doesn’t have logical continuity with the show. I can see ways that it could work, even if I dislike the decisions (I do not grok the idea of Farah as Bloom’s biological mother broadly speaking, and have trouble with maternal Farah in the absence of substantial narrative changes). My focus has always been primarily the adults, too, so from what I gather there’s little in the comic that would be interesting to me, especially with that.

Did you read through all of that? If so, I hope it made some form of sense! And you certainly deserve a cookie for that time and effort, so: 🍪 Come back anytime, dearest nonny!

#ftwsholidayexchange #i think?#it's always hard to tell this time of year 😂#asked and answered #charis rambles

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nightshadedawn · 10 months ago

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Am I the asshole?

Well, I was going to post to r/AmITheAsshole, but apparently I ramble too much and couldn't get my thing down to only 3,000 characters. It's over 3,000 words. So now I'll post it for you all to enjoy, I guess? All names are fake, of course.

December 25th Kate (22f): “Sooo my anxiety is acting up and I'm worried you're mad at me. Um, are you? Me (22nb): “I will be honest. I have been mad and frustrated. I opened my availability to the closing shift because you said you'd be able to take me to and from work. It has been over a month since you even suggested doing so. I know things have been difficult for you from surgery and the cold hurting your body, but it hasn't been any easier on my parents who have had to be the ones to get me. Especially my mom after her wreck. She didn't have a car for the few days after, but within the week she had to get back to driving me despite how nervous it made her because the other drivers in the house had work responsibilities. I asked you and it was a basically "let me see." Both my parents are old and broken af. The late nights staying up to get me when I can't get a manager to give me a ride isn't doing either of them any favors. I've tried being patient because I know of your own things, but I have grown frustrated.” Kate: “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be an inconvenience and need to take care of a mom who's sick, have to have an emergency surgery, deal with not being able to eat, having the cold hurting my body and not know why. I thought I could, I didn't count on my health going to shit, I didn't count on my migraines being worse. I genuinely thought I could and I'm sorry your parents have to pick up the slack, I really am. Tell your family merry Christmas for me. I'm staying home.”

---

December 26th Kate: “Can we please set up a day we can get together and talk? I am sorry for how I reacted, I should have waited until I wasn't upset to respond.”

---

December 27th Me: “Got a lot going on right now, don't know when there's going to be time.” Kate: Alright, well let me know when you're ready to have a conversation.

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January 3rd, 8AM Kate: “I want to understand what's going on and listen to what you need from me. This is really bothering me because I care about you and our friendship, so can we set up a time to talk this upcoming week? I would really appreciate it.”

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January 4th, 10AM Kate: “You have today to set up a time to talk, otherwise I’m blocking you. You’ve had a week to SET SOMETHING UP, not even to talk, just set up a time to talk.”

---

Those are the exact copied messages of the last conversations sent between me and Kate. And, um, sorry about the length. It’s habit from being a writer. And with there being so much backstory that’s important for the main point, I struggled with skimming it down. But I did. A lot. Having said that, let’s provide some context so it can be understood where it’s coming from.

I’ve known Kate since we were in elementary school. Eight years old. Ever since I was young, I’ve been adverse to conflicts. Hearing family yelling in the next room is enough to bring me to tears, let alone getting into a screaming match myself sending me into an anxiety attack. Those, however, are rare. Because I struggle with talking at all, sometimes going entirely nonverbal because of how badly it gives me anxiety, even with my own family. My not talking and conflict avoidance has… made me more or less a doormat in different situations, or the person people want to vent to because I won’t go to the person being talked about to discuss what went on behind their back. Complacency is my flaw for… a lot. Which is probably a factor in what caused everything to snowball as much as it has.

It was something Kate had been the opposite to. She was the extrovert to my introvert, the friendly to my shy, the outspoken to my reserved. For as long as I’ve known her, Kate has been brash, wild, and weirdly able to integrate into any friend group she wants. We were similar in a lot of ways, mostly by our love of fantasy books, writing, and singing. Later, we were some of the only people we knew who understood what it was like to have such powerful migraines as we did or dealing with the severity of anxiety and depression.

In high school, we started writing a book together. It started off as a roleplay that was helping us understand our own trauma and mental health that we later decided to turn into a book. A supernatural murder mystery taking place in Victorian London, told through news articles and journal entries. We’d each made characters to tell the story through. The two she mostly wrote through was the murder victim (based off Kate) who remained as a ghost, and the victim’s Roma lover. My characters were a detective who didn’t believe in the supernatural and a young woman who could see the supernatural and was literally haunted by the ghosts of her past (who was based off me). Back when we were first rewriting it to be a more cohesive book, I felt like she was trying to take too much control of the story. Making the detective useless by having her characters doing more successful investigating, taking things important to my self-insert character and claiming they “were just as important to [Kate’s] characters.” This included a song I wrote very specifically for that character that was an allusion to her ghosts. Wasn’t a catch phrase, but close enough.

This was one of our first major fights. The only other notable one was back in middle school. But I struggled with talking to Kate about the book. She kept dominating the conversations, claiming we’d discussed things and I’d agreed to them when we hadn’t. (A theme that would continue all these years later) I thought that if I couldn’t say what I wanted to say, I could write it. Surely she’d appreciate the work I put into that, putting it all out into words, no rambling, straight to the point. She was also a writer, so she would understand.

So I wrote it all down. I gave it to her mother to in turn give to her, since Kate was not present when I went to drop it off. Her mom appreciated the letter. Thought that was the right choice. Mine did as well. Kate showed up at my house hours later and threw the letter at me, telling me that if I ever did anything like this again instead of just talking to her, she would rip it up without reading it and then smack me. Retrospectively, we never actually worked through the issues we had then. I just gave up, told myself it was fine.

I had roughly been out of work for a year when I got the job I have now. I struggled with finding work because I have a limiting schedule and I can’t drive. (In order of importance: Dad’s schedule, older brother’s, sister’s, Mom’s, mine) It’s something I’ve been working towards slowly, but it’s one of the many things that makes me uneasy. But back in June, my sister Brianne (25) got me a puppy to help with my anxiety and depression. And I’d always swore I would be a good pet parent, so I doubled down on finding a job so I could take care of my puppy. Vaccinations, training, food, everything. Kate offered then to be my ride so I could open my schedule and work nights, seeing as we both didn’t sleep well at night. The only thing she asked was that I pay her gas money. This was agreeable, since of course she’d be using gas to get me to and from work. First job I applied to with nights open I got the job and I’ve held it ever since.

Everything was fine with the job, going well, until early November. Kate had to go into emergency surgery. Something to do with her gallbladder, I think? I was told over the phone so I don’t have messages to go back through to double check that. Understandable that I would need to get a different ride until she’d healed. But even when denying me rides as she’d promised, she started going to this BDSM club (like, chess club, not bar club) frequently with her boyfriend. Telling me about the days she spent out with her boyfriend and his friends, or complaining about having to go grocery shopping for her mom. On my days off, she’d want to go out and do things with me, but when I needed her help to get to work, she either had a migraine, or she was sick, or she was hurting too bad, or she was on new meds that were making her sick, or she had prior obligations.

I was frustrated, but… cold weather was coming. I pushed the frustration aside. Her meds were off frequently because the pharmacy didn’t always have her specific ones in stock. I knew how her migraines could get. I knew how the cold could make her feel. But then my mom got in a wreck going home from taking me to work a week before Thanksgiving. She was okay, but the car was totaled. I asked Kate, despite the things she had troubling her, if she could give me a ride since my mom no longer had a car. Kate’s “we’ll see” response amounted to nothing. I asked, again, even after my mom got a new car three days later, because she was anxious to drive in the dark, along the same route that she’d just gotten into a wreck on. Again, a refusal from Kate. She turned up to Thanksgiving with her boyfriend and a cane, perfectly fine. She didn’t use the cane, just carried it. She also left quickly. Brianne described it as “She was going ‘poor me, poor me’ wanting attention and got pissy when no one gave it to her.”

The trend continued into December. By then, I’d pretty much given up on Kate giving me a ride and was relying on my parents and brother, the only ones in our household who can drive, to get me to work, and the generosity of my absolutely amazing managers to get me home. But the frustration from how Kate had treated Mom’s accident lingered. But! But I knew better than to let it fester. I’d learned my lesson after the book incident.

I didn’t think being honest was going to turn into a problem, because our friendship was supposedly based on honesty, after the fight regarding the book. We needed to be honest about what we were feeling instead of letting things like that fester, to avoid another fight. Which, I thought, was working. We hadn’t had a fight, about the book or otherwise, since that one. So her reaction literally shocked me into stunned silence.

Kate’s been coming to my family’s Christmas since our last year of high school. Everyone had been expecting her. Food had been prepared with her needs in mind, Brianne had prepared the most thoughtful gifts, Kate was counted when we were planning on how many chairs we’d need and how many gifts for the White Elephant. It was a blow that sent me into shock the entirety of Christmas. I tried keeping to the edges of everything so I wasn’t ruining anyone’s Christmas with my bad mood, but I’m not sure how well it worked.

Brianne eventually came up to me to figure out what was going on, find out where Kate was. I showed her the messages, asking if I said something wrong. “That’s gaslighting,” was what she told me amounted to.

By the time Kate messaged me on the 26th, I’d had time to ruminate on her response. How it felt so similar to other areas in our lives. Brushing off what I’m saying, making it seem like I was the problem. It brought up the memories of everything that had irked me in the last year or so. Me: “Do you want to hear about this cool thing I’ve been writing and am really excited about?” Kate: “Not right now, my head hurts. I’m feeling sick. I won’t be able to focus or pay attention, I’m going into little space. I’m hangry.” But she had no problem talking about her books. Other times, while we’re just talking, not even about anything in particular, she’d just get on her phone, or get up and move, or start doing things she had to shout “I can’t hear you!” over while I was trying to talk.

For a specific example, Kate had me over for dinner, and didn’t tell me that her boyfriend and several of his friends would be there, so I had no time to prepare myself to be in a largish crowd. After her boyfriend and his friends left, she asked if I could stay and if we can just sit in silence, but then Kate started talking about things she’s doing on her phone, and got snappy when I tried to. For a while, she wanted me to move in with her, but had insisted for years wherever she moved it would be HER place, her furniture, her utensils, everything would belong to her. She brushed off me trying to tell her no, brushed off when I said I wouldn’t be able to pay the bills she was asking me to because I only work part-time, and winter hours are abysmal so my paychecks are slim. Either brushed off, or she’d get angry because I got two paychecks a month and she only got one from disability, nevermind the fact that her one check amounted to more than an entire month for me.

I was angry at her, but I was sure I was blowing it out of proportion. I didn’t even open the message that day, trying to give it just that one day to calm my emotions. Push them down again. I talked to Brianne again. Going over… everything. Brianne just sort of nodded along, at the end telling me “I know.” “Am I the last to know?” I asked. “Yeah,” she told me. I’d raved about Kate for years, about how dear she was to me, how great of a friend she was. Multiple people across both our families thought we were dating on the downlow for years. But I talked to multiple people at home that day, and they all shared a similar consensus, that Kate did not share my attention well. If she was there, it was difficult to get into a conversation with me, but at the same time, it was hard for me to participate in conversation with Kate.

I knew I couldn’t ignore Kate forever. On the 27th, I opened her message, hoping for a genuine apology. But she wanted to meet up. And I couldn’t get rid of that sick, icky feeling in my stomach and the knots my thoughts were tangled up in. I didn’t want to tell her, I didn’t want her to know. The last time I’d been honest about my thoughts and feelings, look at how she reacted. What if I lost her entirely? What would the in person reaction be?

I did as I do best and tried to avoid the situation until I could put things in order. But it got worse. Kate’s actions on Christmas, things mentioned by family, everything led to further things that had troubled me that I’d buried. How Kate acted when it came to D&D, trying to take control of the campaign when I was the DM, trying to make herself the main character during my genderfluid nibling’s arc. How she made me feel stupid, never able to have clever or intelligent villains, because she’d always point out the flaws in them, she’d talk in circles or bullshit things to make herself appear smart, in a way that if I disagreed with her I’d look stupid. How angry Kate always got whenever she was told she was wrong, especially when it came to how she treated her mother. How when it came to other roleplays she’d done with me, where she’d call herself a background character but act like the main character, and still treat me like I was a background character. How she refused to use my preferred pronouns, when the only place I asked her not to was at home because I wasn’t out yet. How she claimed she was nonbinary too, but only when she disassociated, and that I’d told her that. How blatantly she put words into my mouth that I’d never said.

I couldn’t say anything to her. I was just a spaghetti mess of frustration, anger, and betrayal. Because she’d never listen. Because she’d turn it all around on me. Because her reaction was inconceivable. In order to put my thoughts in order and process them, I made an itemized list. Writing is what helps when I can’t talk, or in this case think, clearly. It started out as a list, but turned into a fully-fledged letter to Kate. I ended up with a six-page word document. It wasn’t full of generalized things, but very specific instances told in all the detail I remembered them in. I told myself “I’ll talk to her. After I finish this, I’ll talk to her.”

That was finished by January 2nd. But despite that, I now had a new problem. What to do with the document now that I had written it. If I sent it to her, she wouldn’t read it. She’d just get mad. Trying to talk about the issues on it with her, she’d either disengage, get angry, or talk over me.

Eventually I decided to record it. I would record me reading my thoughts and send that to Kate, because I was, technically, talking. And since it was meant for and sent to her, I was talking to her. Brianne read over it, and suggested condensing it so I wasn’t piling everything on at once. “Dealing with narcissists like this, you have to tread carefully. If you want to rebuild the relationship, it’ll take time because you have to go slow,” Brianne told me. “If you pile it all on at once, because it would only make Kate shut everything out and not listen. She’ll see it as an accusation, not an explanation.”

I had already made the choice that after sending the recording, I would block Kate on the two main places we messaged, so I could avoid some of the initial anger she would feel and she could actually think about what was said. But it was only going to be for a couple of days. I didn’t think I’d be able to hold out very long. We’d rarely gone longer than a week without texting, calling, seeing each other. She was my best friend, my only friend for the longest time.

Apparently, I was… taking too long. I do feel like maybe it was dragged out longer than possibly necessary, but at the same time I was scared and didn’t know what I was supposed to do. Kate has been a big part of my life for most of it, and I didn’t want to lose her. If I lost her, I wouldn’t HAVE anyone else.

January 3rd, Kate sent her message. Then she showed up, unannounced, uninvited, while I was sleeping. After a super long closing shift, I didn’t get home until after 4AM. She tried waking me up, but I only got to the half-conscious state, so entirely unresponsive and only partially able to comprehend what’s going on around me. I don’t remember what was said, only that she left crying. I didn’t message her. Either in response to the message or to her presence in my bedroom. I knew I needed to send her the recording. It was the only response I had at that point. First, I needed to record it. So I did so that night. I wanted to have Brianne listen to it first, before I sent it, to ensure it still flowed well after I condensed it, and that my emotions weren’t getting the better of me, and that it didn’t feel like I was trying to guilt trip Kate. But I worked again that night, so I recorded it after work. I’d have to talk to Brianne after she got off work the next day.

January 4th was Kate’s last message. By the time I’d gotten up and read her message, sometime around noon, I was already blocked. I realized it when I tried sending her the recording. I was angry. So, I blocked her too.

A month later, and we haven’t spoken still. I recently realized there’s several places we can still communicate through, aside from what we usually messaged each other on. But nothing from her. It wasn’t like there was anything from me either, though. And tonight, I realized all the documents on Google Docs we’d been using for our book were under her ownership. And she revoked my access, so I can’t even get to them. Her mom, not even Kate herself, returned the key she’d had to this house the other day as well.

I think bridges are well and truly burned now. But now I just… can’t help but wonder if I was the one in the wrong here? I don’t think I handled it as well as I could have. But am I the only asshole here?

#anxiety #writing #writers #friendship breakup #mental health deterioration #am i the asshole #nonbinary

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altairs-little-world · 2 years ago

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Hi~~ May I request a scenario where the reader has been avoiding Kohaku due to the fact that they (the reader) are kinda unsure if he returns their feelings, so Kohaku actively tries to seek them out to figure out whats wrong :) (The reader hasn't confessed or anything, but they're afraid of their own feelings getting in the way or whatevaaa) So ya! maybe a teeny weeny bit of angst :D! Personalitywise maybe a somewhat quiet and reserved, but also kind and helpful reader? Hmmm yeah i think that's about it! No pressure and take your time~

-🐏

Kohaku Oukawa x GN!reader - Confrontation

Characters: Kohaku Oukawa

Genres: Angst (it’s like. Very little. Teeny, even.), Fluff

Smaller “tags”: Kohaku POV(? Like it’s third person but focused on Kohaku), confessions, overthinking, someone tell me how to write Kohaku please orz, GN!reader

TW: None!

Word Count: 1628

A/N: This was actually the first request I received, thank you 🐏 anon! Sorry for taking so long (ノ_<。) It’s still a lil’ hard for me to write one-off scenarios without going mad on the backstory /sobbing/ This used to be… 2-3k words? Then it was cut down bc I think the backstory might’ve been unnecessary, and then I had a looong time of going back and forth on whether I wanted to keep the backstory- and finally settled on ~1.5k words orz

I’m not sure if I wrote Kohaku’s character properly either?? A little confused on how to go about this boy, sorry if I mischaracterized him! The title is kinda weird too… At time of posting, it’s nearly 12 am and my brain is sneepy, I can’t think of anything better for now, sorry! orz

Please, enjoy!

KOHAKU OUKAWA ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

It’s been weeks. Close to two months now, where he barely had the chance to speak to you or even see you. Kohaku was going to go mad.

He had taken every chance he could think of to interact with you - eating at the cafe where you worked as a part-timer (he had picked you up from the entrance of this very cafe to go play several times), visiting your favourite shops (both of you frequented sweet shops, often together instead of alone), even near-spam texting you and sending pictures of the scenery around him (he missed going to the park with you, where you’d worry and fuss over him whenever he climbed a tree).

Yet he was met with no results. Every time he tried to reach you, you turned away, leaving him to grasp blindly at the space you left behind in his heart. Why? Were you sick of him tagging alongside you all the time? Had he wronged you in an unforgivable way?

Kohaku seemed cold and aloof at times, but he truly cared for the people around him, cared about what they thought of him, including you - or maybe especially you, with how much he enjoyed hanging out with you, making you laugh, hearing you ramble on in that hushed voice of yours when you both came across something interesting. He missed you.

And what would he, Kohaku Oukawa, do when he missed someone? That’s right - seek them out to no end (A first time, but this was apparently what he did).

And perseverance is rewarded.

“Wait!”

He finally, finally manages to catch you one day, quite literally too. Kohaku had reached out and grabbed your arm the moment he saw you again, your body already turning away in an attempt to escape, but his hold on your arm was firm and unyielding.

“Why? Why are ya running away from me?” Words pour out of him, afraid that you might go before he hears an answer, a conclusion, an explanation for your actions. His grip on your arm tightens in his panic, making you wince slightly. He doesn’t notice, desperation clouding his mind. “Please, talk to me. Did I do something wrong?”

You hurriedly land your other hand over his, trying to loosen the pink-haired boy’s grasp, prying his fingers away. “Kohaku, let go!”

Lavender eyes widened with shock and remorse, and your arm was suddenly free. His gaze left you, teeth nibbling away at the inside of his mouth. He couldn’t look at you. How could he have done that? He hurt you. You had every right to hate him, run away, lash out…

Kohaku blinks when his hovering hand is held, fingers wrapping around his palm. Then after a moment, another hand follows, surrounding his hand and heart with warmth. He stares at your collapsed hands for a moment, before lifting his head. This time, you were the one avoiding his eyes, choosing to fix your gaze on your hands as he’d done earlier.

“... I’m sorry.”

He also didn't expect to hear that.

What were you sorry for? Why were you sorry? He was the one who should apologize, not you. But his mouth refused to open, throat still constricting with guilt.

“I’m sorry,” You repeat, voice so soft the Kohaku would have missed it if not for his yearning to simply hear you for the past weeks. “I shouldn’t have… I…”

Were you looking for an excuse to make him feel better? Kohaku would rather have the cold, hard truth. If you were truly sick and tired of him, he would accept it. At least, that was how he hoped he would react.

“Do ya hate me?” A straightforward question - he hated beating around the bush.

“What-?” Your teary eyes finally meet his - you were close to crying. But why? Why, why, why? He wants to hold you, to comfort you in the only way he knew, learnt from his younger years on the internet. But the male couldn’t bring himself to tear his hand away from yours, so instead, he reaches up with his other hand while you shake your head furiously. “No, no, never - I don’t hate you. Not at all-!”

You fall silent when he makes contact with the side of your head, awkwardly stroking and messing up your hair. Kohaku’s heart practically melts when you let out a small sob and nuzzle your head further into his palm, closing your eyes as you did so. He had missed you so, so much. And it didn’t look like you had avoided him because you hated him - a relief, but why had you been avoiding him, then?

“I…” It’s only when your mouth moves again that he realises he had spoken his latter thoughts out loud. You lifted your head away from his touch, much to his disappointment, but your hands stayed firmly around his. The male feels little taps on his hand, from your fidgeting thumbs. Were you nervous? Scared? Why?

He had so many questions, but no answers. Not yet, at least.

Kohaku awaits your response, bringing his other hand to join your already-linked hands, eyes fixed on you and you alone. Something bubbled in his chest, an unfamiliar feeling, but he ignores it, deeming your answer of more importance at this moment.

“I…You.”

“Hah? I can’t hear ya. A little louder?” He wonders why your face has become a shade of light pink like his hair, colour becoming more intense with every passing second. “... Hello?”

“I like you!”

“Eh?”

Did he hear you wrongly? He must’ve. There was no way- How- And him, him of all people?

Mind still reeling from your confession, he nearly misses your following words. “I’m sorry.” You say, looking down. That only confuses the pink-haired boy even further. What were you apologizing for, now? For avoiding him? For having just confessed? For liking him?

Something blooms in his chest. Kohaku quickly pries his hand out of your grasp, instead engulfing you in a hug. He finally releases the breath he’d been holding ever since weeks ago, tense shoulders sagging as he holds you close.

“Don’t apologize. Ya got nothin’ to say sorry for,” His voice is nearly muffled in your shoulder, but he was close enough that you could hear him anyway. A long sigh is dragged out from him, fingers curling around the back of your clothes. “Ya seriously avoided me for so long because ya liked me? What kind of backwards logic-”

He cuts himself off with another sigh. Kohaku was just so relieved, so happy, so satisfied right now, being able to hold you like this without you pushing him away. He never knew he needed this, but he never wants to stop hugging you now.

“Sorry… I- Just forget what I said,” Your forehead rested on his shoulder, voice wavering, nearly pleading with your next words. “...Can we still be friends?”

Friends? Kohaku didn’t think that was the next step after one confessed to another. Was he missing something here… Oh. He was so caught up with everything happening at once that he forgot the most important, and possibly most embarrassing part.

“I, um, I like ya too. Like, a lot,” His voice lowers to a mumble, almost embarrassed to say the words he had only read in his comics. The male wasn’t one to express his affections so blatantly, whether with words or actions - but with you here, already in his arms, perhaps he could show some weakness.

“...Really?” He feels slightly hurt at the disbelief in your soft voice, pulling back to grip your shoulders and look you dead in the eyes, violets staring into you.

“When have I eva’ lied?”

Your gaze shied away from his, blinking off to his left instead as you gave an answer. “...Never?”

“That’s right. So do ya think I’m lying now, of all times?” Kohaku tilts his head to the left to catch your eye again, voice dropping to a shaky whisper as his brows furrow. The male’s hands leave your shoulders, finding your limp hands again to cup them and hold them up as if he were praying to you. “Ya know me better than anyone, I would think. If ya don’t know if I’m lyin’ or not right now, who would?”

You were his friend, his confidant, his respite, his… Everything, basically. This feeling in his chest was close to overwhelming him at this point - a first, he thinks. Or maybe not. Maybe he had always felt this way around you, but was too utterly distracted by your presence and how much joy it brought him that he had never realized.

He was happy to have you around. He was happy to have you. You made him happy.

Such simple logic, and Kohaku had never noticed until he was deprived of your company for a month or so. Sigh, how stupid he was, Kohaku now realized. He should know to cherish you more. To cherish the ones he loved more.

“If that’s the case, then… What does make us?”

“I think... Lovers?” He couldn’t stop himself from the sheepish grin spreading across his face, saying that word, even more so when he sees your face turning into various shades of pink again. His face right now probably matched his hair too, a whole palette of cherry-blossom pink displayed for your eyes only.

He watched intently as several emotions flashed across your face at once - surprise, bewilderment, embarrassment, and finally, settling on joy. The smile he had wished to even catch a glimpse of in the past month was in front of him, cheekbones hiding a sliver of your eyes.

“Lovers, then.”

Kohaku swore he’d never felt more like a giddy, honey-drunk bee than that very moment.

“But seriously, don’t ya go avoiding me like that again! Ya scared me…”

#kohaku oukawa x reader #ensemble stars x reader #enstars x reader #ensemble stars #kohaku oukawa

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albatris · 3 years ago

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@polyacery

:D!! yes!! ok!! yes!! please forgive the much-much-much-lengthier-than-intended ramble sorry thank you love you <3

first off, two facts about Noa and Kai:

they care about each other a lot

they cannot fucking STAND each other 90% of the time

they struggle a lot when it comes to teamwork, their personalities don't mesh well under pressure and their approaches to problem-solving differ wildly, so they often end up getting on each other’s nerves and being quite tense when they have to work together :P nothing, like, dramatic though, and nothing that escalates beyond general bickering and annoyance

that being said, on a personal and social level they do view each other as close friends and (can) get along well, though you’d be hard-pressed to get either of them to admit it. they share a lot of similarities (some of which I’ll go into) and both value the other as someone they can be open and honest with and drop their guard around, which is sayin somethin ‘cause openness and honesty are notoriously difficult for both of them lmao

in general I would say hmmmm

Noa views Kai (fondly) as a bastard and a swindler and possibly the most infuriating person she’s ever met, an opinion which does not change even as she grows to consider them a friend. like, genuinely? she fuckin hates their guts. and their ridiculously charming smile. and the way they can sweet talk their way into or out of any situation. she’s a little bitter about the way people just seem to hand over whatever Kai wants just ‘cause they’re a smooth-talker and good at pulling strings, ‘cause that level of uhhhhh sneaky interpersonal finesse is not something she’s ever really been able to access and it strikes her as cheating ahaha

that being said, though she finds their personality grating and their face punchable, they’re a person who cares intensely about people, not in an abstract theoretical all-talk-no-action kind of way, but in a concrete, physical, motivated “hey let me help you with that right now” kind of way, which Noa will never have any beef with. too many people sit around talking about what it means to do the right thing. not enough people get out there in a van full of interdimensional crime and pull off elaborate heists for the greater good

Kai has a similar take on Noa in that regard, as in, like. she’s kind of hardcore, yes. but. there are too many people sitting around talking about what it means to do the right thing, not enough people getting rightfully fucking unhinged and charging headfirst into injustice and cruelty and punching the shit out of it. her methods are a little too impulsive and headstrong for Kai’s tastes but it works for her n they’re cheering from the sidelines lol

but ye, Kai views Noa as. hm. a very very very intense person who is a lot of fun to mess with. pretty much as soon as Kai realises Noa isn’t going to be a threat in any capacity they’re like “sick now I have free reign to be the most annoying person in the universe” and they absolutely follow through. they find her passion and intensity amusing but admirable, and they were sold on the fact that she’s a good, kind person no matter her prickly exterior the second they saw how much she adores her mum c:

so, arguably, half of the next part is just,,,, me elaborating to an excessive extent,,,,, but this info used to be at the start of the ramble so I’d already written it before being like “hey wait a minute” so to hell with it I’m including it anyway

these two don’t get a lot of screentime together till the second half of the book and they have a pretty rocky start imo

like, Noa’s first impressions of Kai on two separate occasions are “that bastard who robbed me while I was on the clock” and “that random weirdo who somehow charmed my best friend into thinking they’re cool even though they sound like the shadiest motherfucker on the entire planet and I’m pretty sure they’re a serial killer”, which then culminate into “oh shit these are in fact the same person and they’re definitely bad news”

Kai never dislikes Noa the same way Noa dislikes them, but they are wary of her and have a healthy degree of fear regarding the threat she could pose to them.......... Kai and Noa’s different career choices put them at odds with each other right off the bat, what with Noa working for the Department of Interdimensional Instabilities and Kai operating a significantly less legal business that’s essentially the antithesis of the DII

plus Noa in general has a reputation for being Kind Of Fucking Terrifying

initially I would say they both view the other as “potentially a legitimate threat” and “not to be underestimated”, but post-mid-story-heist they get to spend some proper time together and form more grounded opinions of each other :P though arguably still for a considerable while the only reason they put up with each other is because Tris is like “:D” at them both and they’re like........ aw no I don’t wanna make him sad

Kai warms to Noa a lot faster than Noa warms to Kai, ‘cause Kai warms to most people pretty quick provided they’re not literal axe murderers. Noa starts to warm to Kai only after careful observation and assessment leads her to conclude the following two facts with reasonable certainty:

Kai does appear to be in possession of a solid moral compass

Kai has no ill intent towards Tris whatsoever

which tips the scale in their favour enough for her to be like “okay fine”

there's a level of distance and awkwardness between them for ages 'cause like, yeah, they're friends they guess but not like, friends-friends, there just seems to be something that's not clicking, n the main reason for that is just like

(handshake meme)

a deep-seated terror of being emotionally open and vulnerable resulting in a pathological need to project a loud outgoing persona that masks every ounce of insecurity and fear and prevents anyone from getting close enough to Know You: Noa 🤝 Kai

as soon as THAT realisation clicks for both of them n they're like "oh shit you're just like me and I know exactly how you feel" it instils a sense of connection and camaraderie between them and solidifies a kinship based on Something rather than simply "mutual friends" and "sometimes we're in the same place"

n like, obviously the others Know about the whole. situation. with Kai’s backstory but Kai’s still pretty cagey about it emotionally speaking.... I’m pretty sure Noa is?? the only person they manage to completely drop their guard around over the course of the story? in terms of like.... having a genuine heart-to-heart about the emotions involved and the fear n guilt

and like. yeah. yeah. Noa hasn’t made a friend besides Tris in like ten years n she’s also notoriously cagey with her emotions and her being genuine and vulnerable is just....... not a thing that happens very often or very easily.... and even less through a lot of the story

idk man. they’ve just got good vibes together

they offer each other a Safe Place and a level of understanding that maybe the others don’t quite grasp. even though the others r still empathetic and care for them a lot n have equally important things they bring to the friendship. Noa and Kai just have a vibe yeah

even though they’d sell each other to satan for one corn chip

#I'M SO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG I'm mortified #djhgkdjfhgjdfsg #i'm incapable of being concise i know i say this all the time it truly is a problem for me lmao #i feel like any of the main four paired with each other is just going to be an absolute behemoth of a ramble i don't know if there was #any escaping this tbh lmao #anyway hello goodnight hope you're having a nice day #thx for letting me ramble ur the best #atdao

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residentsocialfailure · 3 years ago

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Initial True Colors thoughts::

Please don’t expect this to be intelligent or organized or in any way useful for anything. Just my dumb thoughts about a game I really enjoy :))

*Actually thoughts from about ten minutes in. I got excited when it finally finished downloading and forgot I had wanted to do this

- This game is already activating all my Colorado feelings. I’ve been wanting to move back for years, and this is making me want to even more. The scenery is so pretty, and the town seems incredible. I want to live here so bad.

- I thought the guy sitting by the creek was Gabe, and spent way too long trying to figure out how to get to him, whoops.

-Birb! I love him.

- Ah, so she's telepathic. I couldn’t remember exactly what her ability was, only that it involved auras or something. This should be interesting.

-I love that he has a tab at the florist. How often are you apologising, my guy?

- I aspire to be as cool as that gnome. Look at his shirt!! He’s the best.

- This poor kid has been carrying that bag around for ages. Can we finish the tour after I set my shit down?

- One of these days I’m going to get around to doing some goat yoga. More just so I can chill with some goats than anything else. Just some goats and me, hanging out, doing some stretches. Sounds like a fun time.

- Oh, I love this kid. He’s great. But wait, the mines? That they’re about to blast to bits? Those mines? Please don’t go camping there just yet.

- Oh my goodness, this record store is so cool. I’m not even a huge music fan and I would spend so much time here. Also...

-Steph!! My beloved. Is it to early to ask her to marry me? Ah well, we can go play d&d and make out or something, idk, whatever normal people do.

- Oh new, character. Cool. Hi, Ryan. Sorry, my heart’s already taken, but you seem chill. Also, did not realize she was coming from Portland.

- Oh, I just noticed the sign. Of course she larps. God, I love this town. Where can I find Haven Springs? I need to move there. yesterday.

- I would die for Valkyrie.

- Also I love moments in games, when an npc is like, ‘help me do this thing’, and then just sits back and watches while you do all the work. Thanks man.

- God, I love the music in this game, though. I’m going to have to look some songs up later. I forgot how much I loved these moments in the LiS series though, when a song plays and it just goes through a little montage. It’s so peaceful and lovely.

- Also, I love Steph just jamming out in the background. I would die for her too.

- Forbidden Songs, by Adam and Steve. Incredible.

- Okay, Valkyrie. I love you very much, but I apparently need you to move to advance this story. Where the fuck is your toy.

- This motherfucker. Kings of Leon? Seriously? Ugh, why am I related to this loser. /j

- Okay, not that I’m complaining, but how did she get my phone number? Or actually know who I am? We literally didn’t exchange two words. I pointed at a record and she referred to me as ‘some chick’. Steph, you got your own telepathy powers I should know about??

-Ahh, my first big choice... do I want to be the cool aunt or the safe aunt?? Bc in this game, he could actually die if I make the wrong choice.... ah fuck. I gotta be safe. I’ll be cool with other stuff. Like LARPing. Please don’t hate me, Ethan..

- Ooh, this guy seems cool. I’m getting some badass Ron Swanson vibes.

-Dude. His apartment is so cool. Seriously, where can I find a town like Haven Springs, I want to live here so bad.

- Hey welcome to the town, here’s a whole-ass apartment. Also I care about you v much and want you to have a fresh start. I’m already getting feelings from this game.

- Oh, I was just about to say I hope our downstairs neighbors don’t mind noise. This guy seems off though.. didn’t he mention a Mack? If he did, I absolutely cannot remember what he said..

-Oh yeah! He was the florist’s asshole boyfriend. Cool cool cool.

-Ah, so her powers aren’t so much telepathy, as empath who takes on the others emotions; similar to Caleb from the bright sessions. Interesting.

- Oh shit. Where’s Dr. Bright’s breathing exercises when you need them.

-God, poor Alex. Poor Gabe. They were having such a nice time.

- I just want to give her a hug :(

-So we’re getting some backstory stuff. Not sure what happened with parents yet, as far as I can remember. But I guess she disappeared on her own.. ran away? Or something else.

- Mini game!! That was fun. I only made it to the third level bc I’m bad at things. But I’ll beat your high score at some point, Gabe. >.>

-Oh, Shu-shu is so cute. Also, could probably use a bath. Maybe later

-Old family photo, but (probably) parents are cut out. So that, plus what was probably her running away as a kid, means not the best childhood. :( I wonder if that’s why he reacted like that to her beating up Mack? I mean, obviously, that wasn’t a great moment for anyone, but he seemed freaked out in a different way than just worrying about his sis beating someone up.

-Okay, so mom probably got sick with something, maybe cancer or something similar, and the dad was an abusive prick when she died. Maybe. Except she had cut the mom out too, so clearly that’s not the whole story, if it’s even close. Maybe mom was an alcoholic?

-Aw, he got her a guitar. I wonder if it was his old one, or a new one he bought?

-Are the flashes of red indicative of her emotions? Or is that just the sunset or something? Maybe both?

-Oh man, I really wish I could give her a hug. She deserves all the love

Ahh, I’m realizing how long this is getting, and also it is 11:00, and I have to wake up early tomorrow for work. As much as I would like to play this all night, I probably need to be responsible..

If for some reason you’re still here, I hope you enjoyed reading my dumb, rambling thoughts. Overall, I’m really excited for this game. So far it’s been a lot of fun, and I can’t wait to find out more about these characters and the story. I feel like this game is going to be really good. I wish we got more Steph time in, but I know she’ll come in later. Anyways, I’m v tired and might have more intelligent thoughts later, but probably not..

#listen #i am dumb and queer and tired #so apologies for whatever this was #mostly i kind of want to write down my thoughts in the beginning #so that after i play this five times i can come back and be like oh hey #that's what i originally thought was going to happen #anyways i need sleep #life is strange #life is strange true colors #life is strange: true colors #listc #lis:tc #true colors #secretsofhaven #secrets of haven #listc spoilers

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some-cookie-crumbz · 4 years ago

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Hello 👋🏼, sorry if I’m bothering u but ever since the recent chapters of BNHA I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the Todoroki family. Not many of my friends are into this anime and I just couldn’t stop myself from sharing this with you because I need to let this out.

[SPOILER ALERT 🚨!!! IF U DONT READ THE MANGA THEN U CAN JUST IGNORE THIS]

First of all:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!

(I’m still screaming as I write because the backstories RUINED me.)

Poor Touya having this horrible obsession over heroics and having his father acknowledge him but ever since his quirk started reacting against his body the whole family got negatively affected by it.

Rei and Enji wanted to stop at two kids but with Touya’s sudden disadvantage and the latter’s craving for power, Natsuo and later on Shouto was born (the youngest getting titled as the perfect heir from the moment he was born). I got torn seeing Touya’s eyes succumb to absolute madness at the birth of his younger brothers.

What scared me the most was how when it was just Touya and Fuyumi, the two hardly interacted despite being only a year apart in age. Touya claimed that ‘girls just don’t get it’ this small foreshadowing was later brought to light in the most recent chapter where he once again rejects Fuyumi’s company in favour of ranting to only Natsuo and where he disregards his own mother— another ‘girl’ that doesn’t understand his obsession passion for surpassing All Might and someone who plays along to the acts of those stronger than them. Touya saw his mother as a weak person who had no choice but to marry for the sake of her family and have custom children. Little Touya firmly believed his very existence depended on getting acknowledged my his father and defeating All Might but it sadly didn’t come true😭😭

Also..... LOOK AT THE BABIES!!!! They’re all so CUTE!!!

Chubby Fuyumi!!!

Natsuo with a running nose

And Baby Shouto with a meme like face since the day he was born🤣🤣🤣🤣

So ADORABLE!

And another thing. FUYUMI WAS EVEN YOUNGER THAN I THOUGHT TO HAVE STARTED ACTING LIKE A SECOND MOTHER TO HER BROTHERS!! Look at the way she defended Natsuo when Touya went on a rampage and tried to attack Touya! And during moments when Enji and Rei fought the two most notable heroes were Shouto and Fuyumi; the former fighting on the frontlines to face his father while the latter stood behind to once again care for her remaining family that though weren’t involved in the fight, they still needed emotional support to get through it.😭

I AM SO SORRY TO BE GETTING TO THIS SO LATE ANON BUT I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY!!!

TW: Spoilers, Brief Mention of Child Abuse (Physical, Emotional and Mental), General Fandom Wank

So, like, SO MUCH HAPPENED in those chapters and I ABSOLUTELY LOVE ALMOST ALL OF IT! There’s obviously all the things you mentioned above that were just amazing to see and learn! I know that a majority of the fandom has been absolutely livid about the reveals involving Touya being drastically different than what fandom thought they were all this time, but I think it honestly highlights how smart Horikoshi’s writing really is.

In Shoto, we see the effects of physical and mental abuse on a child, and how easily he could have ended up going down a troubling road much like Touya. Shoto’s saving grace is facing off against Deku in the Sports Festival, giving him an outside perspective and makes him realize that he can choose to be better, but that doesn’t just magically fix all of Shoto’s problems. Shoto still struggles with his feelings towards his Father and how he is perceived by simply being Endeavor’s son. We see that in the Provisional License Arc, where Shoto is so thoroughly rattled by Inasa. It’s even further pushed through how Shoto struggles with his feelings about Endeavor trying to better and whether or not he should forgive him. I feel like Shoto’s arc is incredibly strong and that his struggles are very realistic, which is why people love him so much. This whole concept is another thing I could rant about but I’m going to leave it here.

Meanwhile, with Touya, we see the effects of mental and emotional abuse on a child and how it can completely destroy them. I think people that act like Horokoshi “down played” and “ret-conned” Endeavor as a character to make him more sympathetic/ redeemable or that he’s simply writing Touya as “always being a bad seed” are missing the mark. This is, admittedly, something you see a lot when it comes to victims of abuse in the real world as well; the idea that if you weren’t physically or sexually abused on top of emotional or mental abuse, your abuse is somehow less “valid.” Now I’ve seen more voices speaking out against this mentality - which is relieving and positive - but it’s still a problem. The way Touya was abused is no less valid or scarring to himself as a person as what Shoto has been through was. Touya and Enji clearly had a deep bond as father and son. Hell, the fact that Enji is sobbing and saying he “can’t fight his own son” in regards to Touya, but clearly had less issue training Shoto until he got ill or passed out says a lot.

Touya was put on an incredibly high pedestal by Enji’s constant praise and attention. He was the apple of his father’s eye until the limitations of his Quirk were discovered. Enji had filled his head with promises and goals for what his future would be, essentially selling him what turned out to be a lie. We see Rei herself tell Enji that Touya “knows you expect something out of the kids.” Touya’s whole life up until that point was being told of all the great he would someday accomplish, and equating that to being deserving of his Father’s love, attention and affection.

And then he couldn’t live up to that expectation. And then his parents had two more kids following that revelation. The idea that Touya doesn’t realize that Natsuo and Shoto were meant to be his replacements - unbroken models that “deserved” Enji’s love - is clearly not missed by him. It’s evident in the way he looks at Natsuo after he’s born. He sees this as a sign that he is no longer deserving - no longer worthy - of love or support from the parent he absolutely adores.

We see this mostly from Enji and Rei’s perspectives, so we know the reasons they did it, but it’s clear they didn’t stop to think about the way this would be interpreted by Touya himself. This whole matter is only worsened by the fact that Enji refuses to make sacrifices for the sake of his oldest son. He pushes Touya to live a life outside of Pro Heroics while Enji himself refuses to do the same, thus setting a positive example and showing solidarity with his son. He instead pushes him away and distances himself, loses himself in focusing on Natuso and, once his Quirk turns out to not be what he wants, Shoto. Touya continues to push himself despite his limits in a desperate bid for Enji to look at him the way he used to; with pride and love.

What caused the fire that “killed” Touya? His anguish over being neglected and abandoned - left unloved - by his father yet again. It’s clear that Touya’s mental health is in need of some real focus that he has never gotten - due to both his parents negligence as well as the fact that mental health is highly stigmatized in Japanese society - and pairing that with the emotional and mental abuse he suffered at Enji’s hands broke him.

So many people are claiming Horikoshi is trying to make Enji “more redeemable”, but how do you get that? Enji abused Rei, his own wife, physically and emotionally and mentally until she had a psychotic breakdown, hurt their youngest child, and then robbed her the right to mother her children further by having her locked up in a psych ward for the next decade or so; built their oldest son, Touya, up only to then emotionally and mentally abuse him to the point he damn near killed himself in a frantic bid to garner Enji’s support only to return years later completely unhinged and looking to murder his entire family out of spite; neglected Fuyumi and Natsuo to the care of each other and hired help; alienated Shoto, his youngest son, from his siblings for his entire formative years, physically and mentally and emotionally abused him, groomed him to accomplish a task he never wanted, put him through such extensive physical training that Shoto would get sick or pass out.

Enji was a shitty father. He has a long ass road to continue walking if he ever wants redemption. The fact he didn't physically hit Touya doesn’t mean that Enji didn’t abuse his son and it doesn’t make Touya any less of a victim.

* End TodoFam Rant*

On a slightly lighter note, I also like all the information with Hawks’ past and all the parallels we’re seeing develop!

I’ve rambled briefly about this in other places the Huwumi discord but I want to expound upon this a bit more here.

I feel like Touya/ Dabi and Keigo/ Hawks are meant to be parallels to one another.

Back to back, we had proper name claims by these two characters. We had Dabi reveal his true identity as Todoroki Touya and then we have Hawks choosing to abandon his hero name to instead step up to fight as Takami Keigo.

I feel like “Dabi” was always a mask, of sorts. Dabi is typically pretty calm, cool, composed with the occasional bites of snark and cruelty. Meanwhile, we see Touya emoting and moving in a manner more akin to himself as a child, dancing about in manic delight over revealing his true identity and intentions. The pair of them are two drastically different people when you stop and look at it. “Dabi” was the mask he wore to gain ground to enact his revenge, and now that he is there? Now Touya can burn everything tethered to it down to ground.

Meanwhile, we have "Hawks” as he was forced to become as per the Hero Public Safety Commission. We had it revealed quite a while back that Hawks was a man of many faces, jumping from laid-back and chill to serious and focused quite frequently. “Hawks” is the presentation for the public and the Commission, groomed to be the perfect little canary in the mine that was Pro Heroics. The reveal of his true heritage, however, is not the killing blow Touya wanted it to be. Instead, it allows Keigo, the one who wanted to be a Hero to help people, the chance to truly dedicate himself to that. In being freed from the cage of “Hawks”, he is given the change to really soar as Keigo.

Now, I feel that “Dabi” and “Hawks” are most certainly parts of Touya and Keigo as well, respectively. Even though those titles were masks, they were masks made from parts of the men who wear them. I think what we’ll see going forward is the true elements of those masks bleeding back into the whole, and seeing the truest forms of each character.

For better or for worse.

#crumbles grumbles #half baked headcanons #Wow I haven't busted that tag out in fuckin forever #Might have to do more headcanon posts about BNHA #If any of yall wanna read me ramble about that stuff?#BNHA Spoilers

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neverendingstories00 · 4 years ago

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a winnix! found family au with easy company as kids part one out of a million!!

hi, hello! i’m back on my bullshit again. the creativity train had once stopped at my brain. I may have a thousand wip’s but tonight I’ve decided to focus solely on this one. also a ton of credit to @apairofwingsforme for rambling with me about this idea, thanks buddy! anyways, my mind is literally a terrifying place 😁 please send help. i’m literally at my breaking point

Also this is part one out of..a lot! I wanna write a fic of this, but school is a bitch. This is just winnix at the moment, but I promise I’ll start talking about easy company as kids and how chaotic it is. Literally. Child! Luz is going to be a little monster. But hey, only seven more weeks!!

It's a modern au. Both dick and Lew have been married for seven years and are happier than ever.

Okay! But before the found family part, time for the backstory!

dick and lew both met in college when there were in the same intro to marketing class. dick was struggling in the class and absolutely despised Lew, who he stereotyped as a “typical New Yorker '' as Dick donned his bean boots and flannel shirts. However, Dick learned not to make assumptions about people. Their study sessions would turn into long conversations about the newest episode of Mad Men, their families in Lancaster and Manhattan, etc. Dick and Lew grew to be best friends.

Dick felt strange around Lew. He wanted to hate him, but he couldn't. He would catch himself staring at Lew for too long and a strange feeling in his stomach. Lew caught onto this, but said nothing. He was overthinking it. Dick was the poster catholic boy with his outfits head to toe from LL Bean, carried a tiny bible in his backpack, etc. Lew knew Dick was too good for him. Besides, there was no way he would be gay.

One thing led to another and the complicated relationship between Dick and Lew changed. Dick had sworn off alcohol, but had no idea that the orange juice was a screwdriver. Dick got intoxicated and Lew dragged him back to his dorm. Next thing he knew, Lew woke up, cuddled with Dick in his neat dorm room.

After that little incident, things became awkward. They were in their senior year; friends for four years and the awkward tension was high between them. After they graduated, there was an afterparty held at their old farneity. Dick, of course, had won vladicictroain and Lew won salutadorian (shockingly). Dick knew that if it wasn’t for Lew three years ago, he wouldn’t be where he is.

So in a little corner, Dick walked up to Nixon and gifted him an apple pie, fresh from The Winter’s farm in Lancaster, thanking him for all he’s done for him. Nixon smirked and knew that Dick would give him some pie, but he was still nice about it. He took Dick to his room and gave him cufflinks that he bought especially for Dick from Nordstrom because during their freshman year, Dick was in charge of planning events in their fraternity. It was movie night and in 2007, Casino Royale was all the hype. Nobody came to the movie night since there was a huge football game and party after. Dick sat there, popcorn all made and even pushed the coaches together, and nobody showed up. He considered just packing up and calling it a night until he heard the door slam open. As he was cleaning up, Dick ran right into Lew.

“Hi, hello. Sorry I’m late, I was busy doing...stuff.”

“Oh,” Dick would reply, “I was just packing up.”

“What movie?”

“Casino Royale. Nobody’s coming though.”

“Well, is the popcorn still hot?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, consider me your customer.”

Dick and Lew watched the movie. Lew never shuts up during the film. Dick talks ethier to tell Lew to be quiet or that he loves Daniel Craig’s cufflinks. Lew made a mental note of that.

The night of graduation, stuffed in Dick’s little dorm room, was the last time Dick and Lew ever saw each other. For a while, atleast. They had a heated makeuout session that followed with awkward but passionate sex. The next morning, it was a screaming match between Lew and Dick. Dick didn’t even remember what it was about-he was too upset. He simply finished packing, threw the stuff into the back of his subaru outback, and drove back to Lancaster.

Seven years flew by, and Dick and Lew hadn’t spoken a word. Both of them were no longer twenty two year old’s who had no idea what they were doing with their life-they were now twenty nine, both trying to figure out their lives.

Dick worked as an accountant in Philadelphia, Boston, Hartford, and jumped around the east coast. He didn’t really enjoy his job so he went back to Franklin and Marshall to become a History Teacher. He had been looking for work for some time and eventually found a teaching job at a boy’s school in Bronxville. It was a job, after all.

So Dick arrives in Bronoxville and gets an email. He recognizes the last time-it’s Lew. He heard about Dick moving and wanted to catch up. Dick was new to Bronoxville and as reluctant as he was, he agreed to meet with Lew.

Lew and Dick meet at Rosie’s, a nice little Italian restaurant in the middle of Bronoxville. Lew surprises Dick, and greets him with a “going my way?”. Lew looks different; he’s gotten more handsome with age, his hair is shorter but still unruly with a tint of gray, and there’s a good amount of stubble. He hasn’t changed one bit.

Their first meeting went well. Just like Dick, Lew had a rocky start after college. Lew had foolishly gotten married to some girl he had gone to boarding school with. They barely lasted a year, and Lew left the marriage with a child he had no custody with and a large penthouse in Tribeca. Life had been lonely. He worked as an economist for a while, but hated the job and quit. With no job and a failing marriage, Lew turned to one resort; alcohol. He had nobody and nothing left in life.

Dick could see the fire that was once in Lew slowly dying out. The once sarcastic and dry Lew became a self--deprecating and lonely man with too much money and time on his hands. Naturally, Dick pitied him. He could see that Lew still loved him-if he didn’t, then how did he find out about Dick moving to Bronxville? How did he find out about Dick’s new job? Why did Lew take Dick to the nicest restaurant in Bronxville. And still, even though seven years had gone by, Dick was still in love with Lew. He’d come up in his thoughts once and while, but now, when faced with him-it was hard to resist those old feelings.

Dick was worried about Lew. So being the Architect he is (mbti type wise, he’s an INTJ), he creates a plan. Lew comes down from the city to Bronxivlle on Fridays and they meet at Rosies. They catch up on their week. From court cases to annoying students, the little things that they share each make their day a little better.

Dick was well aware of Lew’s alcoholism. It was noticeable in college, but it seemed to have worsened as Lew got older. Dick encouraged Lewis to go to therapy. When things had gotten to the worst, Lew enrolled in rehab (all thanks to Dick). He saw the stubbornness in Dick and the clear frustration. Dick wasn’t one for emotions, but when he saw Lewis with a bloody forehead because he fell down the stairs, barely able to speak, Dick sobbed in the waiting room at the hospital. Lewis had never seen Dick ever be that emotional. He was hurt.

That’s when Lewis realized two things. One, he needed to fix himself. If he kept living this deductive lifestyle, he could end up dead. He didn’t want that. And Two, as much as he repressed it-he was still in love with Dick.

Lew finally deals with his issues, ranging from alcohol to his childhood trauma and abuse. It was all with the help of Dick. Dick was there for him every step on the way, playing the role as that supportive friend. Here they were, two thirty year olds. Lew would’ve never imagined being friends with a Quaker that was too good for him, but there he was.

One night, after they had dinner at Rosies, Dick and Lew go back to Dick’s tiny little colonial house. It’s not his house, but a shared apartment. It’s small, but it’s something. Lew is shocked by the living conditions, and Dick simply finds the place charming. They laugh, lock eyes, and next thing they know their lips are clashing together, rushing to take off their clothes as they fit onto Dick’s small bed.

Seven years later, they finally realize they're in love with each other and officially start dating. Dick moves to Lew’s apartment and they live there together for a while. Both getting sick of their lives in the city, Lew decides they need a break from the city and the states.

A year later, Lew proposes to Dick at Rosies, all thanks to the help of Anne Winters, Blanche, Kitty Gorgan, and Harry Welsh. Dick happily accepts, and yes; he sheds a tear. And so does Lew. Everybody sheds a solid tear; it’s a beautiful moment.

Three days before their wedding, Dick and Lew elope on the rooftop of their apartment complex. They invite the same people who helped Lewis propose to Dick. It’s a small and intimate ceremony. Their dance song is “Flightless Bird, American Mouth”. They wanted to get married without the big crowd and Lewis’s “rich jerk friends'' and “daddy’s money”.

For the next seven years, Dick and Lew travel the world. They live all over Europe. From London, To Austria, to Tokyo-they do it all. Dick always ends up sunburnt and Lew is always wearing his classic aviators, wanting to take a photo of Dick. Whenever they go to a new location, Lew always forces Dick to pose next to something, whether that be the La Fontana Dei Quattro Fiumi or the Tokyo tower, and then he sets the photo as his lock screen. Now THAT is romance right there.

Seven years of travel is a lot. Dick and Lew traveled back to the states once in a while for Holidays, but spent most of their time overseas. They are both now in their late thirties and a little exhausted from travel.

Whenever they go to a forgien country, Lew has a tendency to buy shot glasses from each country even though he’s sworn off drinking. I just want to imagine Lew, dragging Dick into a little chaka shop and being like “Oh look darling! Aren’t these adorable” and Dick would just sigh.

So after their final destination, Greece, Dick and Lew decide to retreat back to the states. They don’t wanna live in the city, so they choose to move to the quaint Lancaster. Dick mentioned that he and his friends used to go explore this abandoned farmhouse that wasn’t too far from where he used to live (about 20 mins). Lew wants to be a romantic so he decides to pay a whole lotta money to revinate the barn into a modern mansion. Here’s a picture for reference. Lew goes the extra mile and Dick is like “ *insert eye roll emoji* lew, were two people. Lew would give him a little kiss on the cheek, “and? I’m making room for the dogs.

Oh I should add that Lew officially retires (he has loads of money, it’s called inheritance baby!) while Dick considers it, but chooses not too. He chooses to live the peaceful life of a farmer.

OKAY, but here is the very juicy part

Reminder that there house is like...fucking huge. Like ridiculously big. Like there are so many rooms, and they are furnished. Like what is the point of having furnished rooms if you only have two people living in the house??

Also Lew and Dick adopt a whole armanda of dogs. If you want specifics, they have a collie named Lassie, two westie named Lovey and Duffer, A carin named Toto, Beethoven the St.Bernard, and Copper the hound dog. Oh-and that’s the start. So. Many. BUNNIES.

Dick knows Lew. He already has a child that he’s unfortunately not been able to raise since he barely has custody over his child. He seems to like his own dogs over his children. Dick doesn’t mind. Sure, he’s worked with kids, but he’s okay not having them. He does like his dogs, after all.

Harry, Dick and Lew’s best friend from college, doesn’t live far from them. He’s been married to his college sweetheart, Kitty, for five years. Together, they have a little son named Louie. Harry comes over a lot with Louie, and Louie plays with the dogs in the backyard. Dick’s a very observant person; he sees the relationship between Louie, the dogs, Lewis, and Harry. Lewis doesn’t mind Louie. Actually, he likes the kid. He’ll run around the backyard with Louie and their dog.

So Dick starts thinking about children. Maybe he’s changed his mind; maybe he wants a kid. One or two would be fine. It could be through adoption, help a family out or a kid who’s stuck in the system. Dick is like a mother when he wants to help others around him.

One night, Dick and Lew are sitting in bed. Did I mention all the dogs sleep in their bed. When shopping for furniture, Lew wanted to pick out a bed to fit all of the animals they were gonna have. Dick didn’t like the idea and made the dogs all sleep in their crates. But one night, Lew walked in on Dick snoring, lovey and dovey tucked right next to his stomach and feet. Lew once again, takes a photo, and shows it to Dick, who’s as red as a tomato.

Dick does a little sigh and Lew looks up from his book, his reading glasses slipping down his nose. He’d be like “oh, what is it now sweetheart?”

“We have such a big house, Lew. Twenty rooms and only two people live in the house-”

“Actually Six dogs and three rabbits. The dogs sleep with us and the rabbits...wherever they sleep.”

“Lew, I know you don’t like children but-”

Lew holds up Toto, who tilts her head. “But look at her! Yeah, you’re a good girl aren’t you? Daddy's little girl!”

“You love Louie-”

“Yeah, cause he’s not mine. He’s a nice kid. But children, especially teenagers, are the devils of this earth. You need to fear them, pay for them, do all kinds of stuff. With dog’s it’s easier.”

“I love our animals, but just one or two. We have so much space in the house. Help out a child who needs it. I know you don’t wanna admit it, but your great with kids-”

“Not my own. I don’t even know my own daughter. Kathy got married to some damn twink. How the hell do you think I’d be a good father?”

Dick gives him that *insert pouty emoji* look. “Just think about, Lew.”

So Lew actually thinks about. He walks around the house, feeling and seeing the quietness. They do have thousands of empty rooms and a little too much freetime on their hands. Plus, Lew hates the puppy eye stare Dick gives him.

#this was A LOT #more then I was expecting #I just really love my gay dads #second part will have the rest as easy #either as kids or cringey teens #it's gonna be a LOT #trust me it won't be as heavy as this #stay tuned!#band of brothers #winnix #lewis nixon #dick winters #my writing

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victorian-vampir · 4 years ago

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So like. I said I was gonna do this a while ago but now I finally am. How was the finale of Blood of Zeus supposed to make me feel? Zeus died and 1. I just didn't care because there was no reason for me to, nothing seems to have changed now that the king of gods is dead, no one even seems real concerned, not even Hades??? Who surely knows his baby brother is dead???

2. I just.. I feel nothing for anyone in that show. Aside from Kofi who is probably the best character because he's had like a collective 10 minutes of screen time where he had like two lines each time and otherwise he's just there.

That's what blood of Zeus is. It's there. It wasnt good, it was okay. By no means amazing and you'll probably have more entertainment from watching basically anything else on netflix. Blood of Zeus is only more than subpar if you like being bored and you skip the ending.

No I have many things to rant about so let's open this up:

Why did Seraphim have the Bident? Why did he have control of it? Why did Hades look like that? Why was Seraphim more interesting than our main character?

Why did Seraphim blame the gods for the death of his mother? He did that by his own free will and ZEUS TELLS HIM IT WAS HERAS FAULT. Which I still don't know why. It did nothing. Seraphim didn't change what he was doing, no one changed what they were doing regardless of what the gods or other characters said to do! But even then, if that did change Seraphims opinions of motives that would feed into the war Zeus didn't seem to want to have but did fuck all to stop from happening.

Heron sucks. Like a lot. He's not fun or witty, he's not a greek hero, he's just angry at Zeus or Seraphim or he's confused about things and that's it. That's as far as he goes. He's not interesting of fun to watch hes just there for us to follow. I can remember nothing he did that actually interested me because even the background gods had more appeal. You know why greek heroes are fun? They're tricksters. Most suck as people and are just doing good things usually for their own benefit. Heron is so fucking bland, I could watch cocomelon and have a much better time than any point when Heron was on screen.

Why was Hera like that? What was her motive? That Zeus cheated on her and I guess loved the woman for.. some reason? She should know she isn't the first or only woman Zeus had loves. But he's done this before, four of the offspring from him doing this before are standing behind Hera like everytime she's confronting Zeus about stuff. But she's not directing anger at them, she never even glances at them. It's only Heron she cares about despite the fact Zeus mentioned Heracles. So Hera has already done a revenge plot on Zeus's kids before.

Why NOW does she want to kill him? Why does she want to kill him? Why does she want civil war to spark between her literal family. She was just as upset about Heracles so Heron was her breaking point? A useless mortal when Apollo literally drives the sun? When Hermes is a psychopomp? When Artemis has an entire clan of archers? When Dionysus can drive people insane??? This milquetoast human guy is her issue?

Why was Zeus stabbed just to like.. heal it and it to never be brought back up? How long was Apollo in the ocean? Why was he not driving the sun?

Hera having that "He really did love me" moment when Zeus died? Means nothing to me because he TELLS HER THAT. He tells her that immediately when she asks. And sure he hesitates to tell Hera he doesn't love the other woman too but guess what Hera! You're immortal and his fucking wife while she isn't either of those things. You're being a petty bitch but you never once pull the wife card like you can.

Why does Zeus love Herons mother? We get no backstory for why Zeus loves her at all. Did he start off loving her? Did he develop love for her? But he only went there for sex, right? So what's up with that? What's his reason? I wanna know the reason for out characters actions and we get nothing.

The amazonian chick? I fear for her. She's the love interest I can feel it and fuck do I not want her to be. Like, leave Alexia alone. Please don't make her fall for Heron. Please. They're both so boring, I can't even describe.

Kofi, Evios, Apollo, and Hermes are the only interesting character in this story. And none of them do basically anything. They're the only characters I cared about and they were useless. Everytime Apollo and Hermes are on screen they're getting beat up or they're reacting to their dad saying something. These gods were as useful as the human beings we met three episodes ago.

What was Poseidons reason for anything? He didn't care what Zeus had to say at any point and even when Hera was clearly wrong and clearly up to no good in seriously obvious ways he stayed on her side until the ocean was put at risk. WHAT THE FUCK?! It's Poseidon!

I guess I'm glad they made Hades neutral? Like he usually is with god drama? But was he actually? Did the gods just.. ignore Cerberus? Did they ignore the Bident they should KNOW belongs to their brother? Especially Hermes??? Is Cerberus not get guard of the underworld in this universe? Why not? Explain that. Please. This is a major god who is HARDLY EVER MENTIONED DESPITE HIM DEFINITELY HAVING THE POTENTIAL TO BE SUPER IMPORTANT.

I like that they made Apollo Bi? But it also properly was just there to get a couple brownie points. Apollo is already bisexual in actual mythos so like.. it's assumed this version of Apollo is too? You don't get brownie points when Greek mythology is already so overwhelmingly queer. You don't have to show us the god is gay, the only people watching are greek mythology nerds who already know Apollo likes dudes.

I don't know. I'm just rambling about stuff that bothered me I guess. I was eh with the show but the finale ruined it for me. I said before that I'd probably watch season 2 but I'm not so sure now? I'm sure all of this has already been said so I'm just going to add to the pile but whatever. Sorry for any typos, I'm a little sick and I'm not gonna reread it all.

#Blood of Zeus #long post #rant post #tw cursing #tw caps #tw capital letters

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painted-piggy-ships-archive · 4 years ago

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STAR WARS YOU SAY? 👀 I f/o Rex and Fennec (but they're from tcw + mandalorian) but also Obi-Wan!! My prequel/clone wars s/i is a bounty hunter who later joins the jedi (but doesn't become a jedi) What's your star wars s/i? :Dc - selfshipgeek

👏

YAY HELLO that is so cool that you’re with Obi-Wan, he loves you very much I’m sure!

So I ship with Anakin when he’s Vader because I couldn’t figure out how to make the timeline work before then bc obviously Luke & Leia still have to exist one way or another, and here’s where I go and ramble my way into oblivion about my s/i gfbuhbgfuhgfbiu here we go!

Side note: ik this probably wasn’t what you were expecting but i couldn’t help myself i am so sorry for making you read all this FGBUGFIIHGFB /lh

@selfshipgeek

Name: Finniman Xualth Species: Human Pronouns: He/Him/His, They/Them/Theirs

Backstory: Finniman was the prince on a not very populated planet that was very neutral about politics, preferring to stay out of it all as best as possible, and managing to slip beneath the radar due to this fact. However, as Finniman’s parents (the king & queen) grew older and Finniman would soon be expected to take rule, the planet’s resources began to mysteriously dwindle. Crops dried up and livestock became sick, while wild animals grew restless and storms plagued Finniman’s kingdom. After his parents’ death, he made a spur of the moment decision to simply evacuate everyone in his kingdom. He hadn’t meant to, but he miscalculated things and got left behind, while his subjects escaped to safety, expected to take refuge on whatever planet would take them. Anywhere from several months to a couple of years passed with Finniman being the sole occupant of his planet. At the same moment his food supply began to get dangerously low, Stormtroopers seased him, taking him prisoner. He presumed they had come to the planet for resources or other Imperial business, but found it harder to pin down why they would want to take him to their employer. Another long while passed before Finniman was handed over to Vader, who took interest in their knowledge when it came to law and leadership. He also sensed that Finniman would be easy to turn... Deep within the prince, something angry and selfish paced, waiting to break free.

Keeping Finniman prisoner wasn’t going to get Vader the answers he wanted, so the next step was to appoint him as his apprentice. He found that Finniman was force sensitive, despite his family having no relation to the Jedi, as far as the records showed. Under Vader’s watchful eye, Finniman became a deadly companion to the Sith Lord, and with how often they were seen with each other, some lower ranks began to murmur amongst themselves, often referring to Finniman as “Lord Vader’s Pet.” The romantic tension of their closeness when it came to business was soon overbearing for both of them, though neither would admit it. Vader hid it better, but suffered when he was left to his privacy, not used to feeling so much for someone other than himself, not after... Finniman’s feelings eventually slipped, but Vader was the one to make it official, though he knew this romance would have to be kept secret if he wanted to uphold his reputation. Finniman climbed the ranks until he was Vader’s main guard and advisor. The lower ranks knew they couldn’t lay a finger (metaphorically or physically) on Finniman, lest they wanted a stern threat from Vader. (Or the loss of their life.)

In other news, they’re very gay and care about each other even more than they care about their cause. (But they’re still quite dedicated to the Empire.) gbuifbghbfgiufgbihu

#I WAS GIVEN THE CHANCE I NEEDED TO GET IT ALL OUT GFIUBBHFGUIGB /lh #clownie writes #self insert #ask #tyvm for the ask #🖤Shadowed Love🖤

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kaeyasaki · 4 years ago

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in regards to this

backstory: I got out of a four year relationship which got very emotionally draining and verbally abusive towards the ending, turns out that he was cheating on me the last couple of months but i didn’t really care about that because i was already mentally preparing myself to break up with him for a while

started dating a new person almost 6 months later who lived in the city (i live in the suburbs and going back and forth especially with the pandemic, i lessened my trips) and truly did fall in love with him, he was everything ever wanted in life and did see a future with each other, so eventually we started dating and we lasted almost two years which is pretty good if i say so myself

so what set everything off? he completely ignored me on my birthday and a week later my best friend sent me a shit ton of screen recordings and screenshots of him basically messaging other girls that went to my college to not tell me

initially, I felt like my whole body go numb and I went into a state of shock like why would he cheat on me? after an hour or two that’s when i started breaking down, like sobbing profusely, having panic attacks, at one point i was crying way too hard i made myself sick.

That week was just hell week for me, i called him out (with the help of my friends) broke up with him and just blocked him; i didn’t eat for almost two weeks and my friends had to continue take turns to make sure that i was taking my medication (for my anxiety and depression) and basically force feeding me every time they saw me. It felt like I was going through the stages of grief emotionally and mentally but my entire body just didn’t feel anything anymore.

i still ask myself why did the break up have this big of an impact on me and the answer i always get is that i put so much time and tried really hard to make it work because i was so i love with this new guy that i knew i should have put my guard up when i had the chance.

It’s been exactly a year since i found out all of that and broke up with him, and til this day i haven’t gotten into another relationship because i feel so afraid of trying again, causing me to push any romantic interests away. It’s ironic as well, sometimes i have periods of times that usually last a day or a couple of weeks where i just don’t feel like myself, as if i was disassociating myself and i can’t feel anything, both emotionally and physically and some nights i feel alright and other nights i’m just crying my eyes out at 3 am because of how badly everything went. Sometimes i take long car rides and ignore everybody trying to contact me for a while and it works yunno?

anyways sorry for the rambling, i hope this can help, idk

wait i’m gonna put my response under the cut so i don’t annoy the dash !!

but hello hi, i read this while i was cuddling my dog and he growled at me for hugging his too tight because i tensed up reading this i’m literally livid for you,,

that’s horrible you had to go through such a toxic and unhealthy relationship and for that long too? you’re so so strong my love,, you didn’t and never will deserve anything like this and i’m really proud of you for hanging on for so long

they will get what’s coming for them i’m sure, what disgusting low lives !! i’d curbstomp them so so hard for you if i could, they’re both disgusting and i hope they both lead shitty lives living with misery and guilt <3 you know what though, this was their peak in life !! this is the age where they peak and i can assure you it’ll all be downhill from here for them,, those weren’t men you were dating, they were boys and there’s no amount of manifesting i can do for them to grow up into men because it’s common sense to have basic morals,, that’s literally so disgusting, you were so undeserving of that and i just know your twin flame is out there, good things come to those who wait !!

as for the aftermath, again, you are so incredibly strong and myself and your friends and family are super proud of you for going through all of that,, i totally get the feeling of feeling guilty and self blaming for leaving yourself vulnerable, you’re only human though,, you got hurt and the opportunity of being able to feel vulnerable was there,, anyone would’ve done what you did so don’t stay hung up on that,, i want you to know you’re not at fault though, this is just a case of mixing with the wrong people and it’s easy to do that when they pull wool over your eyes,, when you’ve been in such a shitty relationship before, the average person can seem like they’re heaven sent and that’s obviously what your last ex had come across as,, you’re not at fault in the slightest and you are deserving of so much more than i’m sure you think you deserve

i’m very happy you have such a supportive network behind you, they’re true friends and i’m glad to know you have people looking out for you,, you’re so so important and so much more loved than you might lead yourself to believe,, from the bottom of my heart i admire the fact you went through all of that and still came out okay,, i know for a fact i would’ve gone into self destruct and made things much worse if i were in your situation, but i’m incredibly happy you took yourself out the situation and pressed the block button, many people find that hard to do but you knew what was best for you and you did it !! you’re a star my love, don’t you ever forget that and one day i’m certain you’ll find the person whose most deserving of YOU, because you’re worth every bit of work for okay? i love you and thank you for sharing with me !! <3

#✉️milamail #tw cheating

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sirrriusblack · 5 years ago

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Romantic prompt. Almost strangers,sit together in class one day because one of them forgot the texbook(everyone thinks this person loves to study,but they just wanted to get away from the people they usually sat with for a bit). Weekend. The one who borrowed the book last time is now cold and borrows the other one's jacket. Goes on for about a week. Everyone ships them. (They get together). Happy ending. The part in bracket are just suggestions. Ps- please dont do snily

Snily? As if I would. (I mean sorry to anyone who ships them but...)

Anyway thanks for the prompt @just-a-teen-fangirl I think you meant it in an AU but I’m sorry if I got that wrong. Also I was going to tryyyy not to do wolfstar but I mean, I have impulse control issues ummm. Maybe one day :)

tw for vague mentions of child abuse

* * *

Sirius heard someone clear their throat behind him. He turned around in the chair he’d been lounging in to find a tall, curly-haired boy with a scar running across his face standing behind him, looking more than a little awkward. He was wearing a black hoodie and blue jeans and was holding an exercise book and a graffitied pencil case in his right hand.

“Hey, uh, sorry to bother but I forgot my textbook and I was wondering if I could use yours maybe?” the boy asked, fiddling with the zip on his pencil case. Sirius raised his eyebrows. “Like, use it with you, maybe. Share it, you know.” He coughed, clearly not meaning to have rambled so much. Sirius bit his lip to keep from smirking. He recognised the boy; he’d spent more of the class admiring those brown curls from across the room than actually doing work, but they’d never really interacted. Sirius didn’t interact much with anyone though. At least not beyond the fake grins and small talk he made at parties and the like. Not beyond talking to James. But James wasn’t in his science class, so Sirius had taken to sitting alone, finding it more appealing than the other option; making new friends, having to explain his backstory, the scars, why he lived with James, what happened to his brother. And no one really bothered to approach him either. Until today. The boy’s name started with ‘R’, but that was all Sirius could remember. He had a group of friends he hung out with, Marlene, Lily and another short, blond kid. He only knew the girls’ names because James never shut up about how gorgeous Lily was, and nudged him and pointed to her every time she passed. And everyone knew Marlene. Everyone wanted to hang out with her. Or snog her. Or both. Sirius glanced over to the boy’s group of friends and back to him again.

“None of your friends have a textbook?” he asked, turning back to face the front of the room where the teacher was still writing the lesson plan on the board. Sirius sighed.

“Uh, no?” he said and Sirius immediately knew he was lying. He pointedly looked to Lily, who was leaning over the textbook. Sirius hummed. “Okay, fine, I didn’t ask any of them to borrow theirs because they’d think something was wrong if I left my textbook at home, and that’s cool or whatever but I really can’t be bothered with that shit and I—” Sirius cut him off, scared of how much he liked the boy’s rambling.

“Okay, you can sit down.” Sirius said, turning back to the front again. The boy cleared his throat and sat down in the seat next to him, opening his books and pulling a pen from his pencil case. He quickly glanced at Lily, Marlene and the other kid before he flashed a tight smile at Sirius. Sirius smirked back. He wasn’t sure whether to cringe or laugh at this situation.

“I’m Remus, by the way, in case you didn’t know,” he said, running his hands through his curls. Sirius didn’t want to to shiver, didn’t want to be so affected how bloody gorgeous this guy was. Remus. The name fit.

“Sirius,” he said in return, reaching his hand out. Remus shook it hesitantly and Sirius cursed himself for letting his childhood etiquette habits show to a very not fancy high school kid. He shook his head. Remus was looking at Sirius with a strange expression on his face. He didn’t like it. Or maybe he did. “How’d you get the scar?” he asked, knowing exactly how rude it was to ask. Knowing exactly how it would take Remus by surprise, probably push him away, make him regret sitting with Sirius. But Remus didn’t seem bothered. He laughed.

“No one’s ever asked that straight to my face.”

“Why?” Sirius could see something in his eyes, a gleam of amusement, of something more maybe.

“Probably ‘cause it’s considered kind of rude,” he explained, smiling. Sirius shrugged.

“Good morning everybody, today we’ll be continuing on from last lesson with the questions in the textbook. You may read the passage again, and look back on your notes from the experiment as well.” Sirius huffed in annoyance.

“Why does she even write what we’re doing on the board if she tells us anyway?” Sirius muttered, looking over to Remus, who wasn’t paying any attention but was instead drawing something on a blank page in his book. It was a night sky, and even though he only had one black pen, it was amazing. Sirius looked closer at what part Remus was working on; a constellation. His constellation. Canis Major. Sirius huffed a laugh. He wasn’t paying attention at all. “I guess that’s why.” Remus’ head snapped to Sirius.

“What?” he asked, oblivious. Sirius smirked.

“Nothing,” he said, turning away from the other boy to tie up his hair. He threaded his pencil through it for extra support and swore he saw Remus shudder. Shit.

“So, how’d you get the scar?” Sirius asked again, wanting an excuse to get away from the class more than anything. It was Friday, and Sirius wanted nothing more than to get to the Potter’s and lie in bed for all eternity. Remus just went back to his drawing and smirked.

“How’d you get that bruise on your eye?” he asked in return. Sirius laughed bitterly, thinking of last month, how his mother had smacked him across the face with her wine bottle. The bruise was just barely gone now, a faint brown and purple.

“Fair enough,” Sirius said, dropping the subject and leaned closer to look over the Remus’ shoulder. “You like drawing?” he motioned to the book, the constellation and the stars glittering across the page.

“Uh, yeah. Since I was little.” Remus looked up at him, and Sirius couldn’t help but notice how close they were sitting. He looked into Remus’ amber eyes, at all the varying colours. Sirius sucked in his breath as he looked down, and his gaze fell onto Remus’ lips, soft and—

“Boys! A little less staring and a little more working, please.” Sirius felt his cheeks heat as he leaned back and mumbled a quick ‘sorry, miss’ under his breath. Remus cleared his throat and ran his hands through his hair, no doubt cringing at all the heads turned their way. A quick glance between Remus and his friends’ shit eating grins had Remus’ cheeks reddening more. Suffice to say, the boys spent the rest of the lesson in near silence, sharing the textbook between them and ignoring every brush of their hands.

When their class ended, Remus mumbled a quick ‘thanks’ before he packed up his stuff and walked back over to his friends. Sirius’ stomach was tied in a knot, and he hated it. He hated that this random guy, with his random scar and his random hotness was having this effect on him. Yet when he saw Remus begin to walk out the door, Sirius couldn’t help but run after him.

“Hey, uh, Remus!” he called out, causing the curly haired boy to turn, confused. Something in Remus’ eyes shifted as he beheld Sirius. He muttered something to Lily and walked over, his hands fiddling with the zip on his pencil case again. Students streamed around them; they were boulders in a river, disrupting the water’s path.

“Hey,” Remus said, unsure. Sirius felt sick, nervous even, as he struggled to find something to say.

“Uh, sorry, stupid question, are you going to Dorcas’ party on the weekend?” Sirius asked. It was all he could think of. Remus’ eyes widened.

“I’m not sure, maybe...” he trailed off.

“Oh, okay... Well I hope you do.” Sirius smiled quite awkwardly and walked away, cursing himself, before Remus could reply.

* * *

“Shit,” Sirius groaned smoothing his hair over with the palm of his hand. James swung into the room, his hand gripping the doorway.

“What is it now?” James asked. He’d been waiting for Sirius for twenty minutes.

“I can’t get my hair to work. I’m not going, oh my gosh, I look like a fucking idiot.” Sirius was pacing the bathroom, much to James’ amusement when Mr Potter walked in, a jar in his hand.

“Language, kiddo, and here.” He threw the jar and walked out while Sirius was still scrambling to catch it. James cracked up laughing.

Sleekeazy’s Hair Potion: Two drops tames even the most bothersome barnet.

Sirius glared at James, and opened the jar, pouring three drops into his hand. “Thanks, Mr Potter!” he called out, finally satisfied with his hair. James turned to Sirius while they walked toward the front door.

“Why do you even care? You never usually do.” Sirius thought about those brown curls, that smug smirk and the intensity in those burning amber eyes. He thought about the constellation Remus’d been drawing in his book and the way he’d locked eyes with Sirius, like they could tell each other anything, like they could burn forever, together and in love. Sirius shook his head. He barely knew the guy. Shit.

“I don’t know, James.” Sirius’ voice was quiet and soft and he hated it. He cleared his throat and smirked. “Guess I just felt like dressing up, aye?” Neither James nor Sirius believed that.

* * *

Sirius hated to admit that he was looking for Remus before he even got to the party. Him and James were walking up the street and Sirius was watching every person surrounding the house or the street for that head of brown curls. He didn’t find him. James’ house was around the corner, less than five minutes, so the walk here had been quick and the boys hadn’t talked all that much. But James had noticed that something was happening with Sirius.

“What’s happening, mate?” he asked, hazel eyes piercing into Sirius.

“What?” Sirius asked, craning his neck higher to look at someone that could be Remus. It wasn’t. When Sirius turned back to James, his eyes were wide.

“Who are you looking for, and why are you dressed up? You hate parties.” It was mostly true, Sirius didn’t like parties all that much. When he walked into a room and the smell of alcohol hit him sometimes he’d be back in that place, back with his mother, her breath reeking of wine as she screamed at him, screamed slurs and threw glasses and all Sirius could do was sit there and take it, or his brother would have to instead. So no, he didn’t really like parties very much. But he didn’t hate parties. He told James as much but only got dissatisfied look in return. “Who are you looking for?” he asked again, following Sirius’ line of sight.

“Uh, no one, some guy from science, I need to ask him a question.” James cracked a smile.

“The guy from science with the golden brown curls and the glittering scars and the eyes of amber glass?” James asked, amusement dancing in his eyes. Sirius shoved him and opened his mouth to speak, to deny it, as he heard a voice behind him.

“James, I had no idea you felt that way about Remus.” Sirius lost his shit. He spun around, quicker than he thought he’d ever moved. Lily was standing behind them, an amused smirk dancing on her face as she poked fun at James. Remus was standing behind her, his face flushed pink despite the grin creeping onto his face. They all stood there in silence for a moment. Remus was wearing a burgundy t-shirt and a pair of black jeans, and was holding a glass bottle of some sort of alcohol. Sirius looked at Remus, at the utter lack of effort he’d put into his outfit and he almost laughed. Of course he hadn’t put in any effort, there was no way Remus actually liked him, no way he’d spent ages before the party choosing what he’d wear, fixing his hair. Shit. What was Sirius thinking? A song came on over the massive collection of speakers and James grinned.

“Care for a dance, Lilypad?” he asked reaching his hand out. Lily looked between James and Remus, conflicted, before she smirked and took James’ hand.

“Of course, James.” She seemed to direct the answer toward Remus, and the boy’s eyes widened. Even James was surprised. Both Sirius and Remus watched, shocked, as Lily followed James and started walking. Never in a million years had Sirius ever imagined that happening. He snuck a glance at Remus who, in return, was watching him. Both of the boys blushed.

“Golden brown curls?”

“Look, James was exaggerating.”

They both spoke at the same time which only led to more blushing and smiles. Remus crossed his arms. “So you were still talking about me?”

“What?”

“You said James was exaggerating. Which means you’ve still talked about me, right?” he asked, looking somewhere between amused and hopeful. Sirius didn’t see the hopeful. He opened his mouth, ready to deny it, but, he’d backed himself into a corner.

“I—I mean... yes?” Sirius admitted, his insides twisting in every direction. Remus nodded.

“Follow me,” he said, starting to walk towards the house. On the porch, there was a bench swing and surprisingly, it was empty. Remus sat and looked up at Sirius, waiting for him to take the space next to him. They sat for a moment, watching the chaos on the front lawn and listening to the music around them. Sirius looked over to Remus and swore.

“You’re shivering like crazy,” he said. Remus tucked his knees to his chest, bottle in his hand.

“Yeah I, uh, forgot my jacket.”

“First the book, now your jacket,” he said, taking his leather jacket off. “You’ve got the memory of gold fish,” he finished, handing the jacket over. Remus raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth to refuse but Sirius gave him a stern look, and he took it, chuckling.

“Thanks.” Sirius nodded in return. He’d admit—to himself at least—that James hadn’t been exaggerating. Sirius could get very... talkative when he was tired and the previous night he had been very tired. So, yes, he had said all of that. But Remus didn’t need to know. On cue, Remus took a swig of his drink and opened his mouth.

“I like you,” He blurted out. Sirius nearly shat himself.

“What?” he spat. Remus looked mortified and he ran his hands trough his tangled hair. If Sirius wasn’t stressing so much, he probably would have admired it.

“Um, uh, I’m sorry... I shouldn’t have said that. Never mind. I’m going to go get another drink.” He stood up, ready to make his way to the kitchen, ready to bolt straight out of there.

“Wait!” Sirius stood up and grabbed ahold of Remus’ arm, unintentionally triggering something in Remus. His soft, amber eyes turned hard, glazed.

“No, don’t!” He shouted, snatching his arm away and backing up slowly. Sirius stumbles back a bit too.

“Shit, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to...” He didn’t finish, didn’t know quite how to, But Remus’ eyes slowly softened again and his shoulders slackened.

“No, it’s not—I just” Sirius cut him off, glancing at the scar on Remus’ face, thinking of his own scars, littering his body.

“You don’t have to explain. Just... don’t go, please?” He hated the idea of this, hated how much he wanted Remus to stay, hated how much he liked this boy, hated how he barely knew him. Remus nodded and sat back down on the swinging bench. “Did you mean it—what you said?” Sirius didn’t need to explain. Remus hesitated, but still nodded. He didn’t look at Sirius, didn’t want to see his reaction, probably, in case it wasn’t what he wanted. Sirius reaches out again, slower this time, and placed his hand next to Remus’s— not quite touching.

“I like you too,” he whispered, ensuring that only they could hear, ensuring that this moment was theirs, and theirs only. Sirius hated the feeling of vulnerability, of uncertainty, but when he saw Remus grin, a mess of teeth and lips and absolute divine gorgeousness, his mind was clear of every doubt. Remus moves his pinkie on top of Sirius’, and both boys blushed, and grinned.

“Can I kiss you?” Remus whispered, still keeping the moment between them. It was like the whole party, the whole world, disappeared at that question. Sirius nodded. Remus moved closer and closed his eyes, still smiling. Fuck. Sirius closed the gap between them and fisted his hands into Remus’ jacket. When they broke apart, Remus huffed a laugh. “You want your jacket back?” Sirius had forgotten that it was his, and at this particular moment, he didn’t want it.

“Nah. You look hot in leather.” Remus’ next laugh was muffled behind the other boy’s lips, but Sirius could have sworn he’d never heard a better sound.

#wolfstar #wolfstar au #remus lupin #sirius black #remus x sirius #thank you hglb!#:)#my writing #thanks for the prompt :)#tw: child abuse

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mewmewchann · 4 years ago

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I have no clue what to ask about the Madoka AU, but I am interested. So is there anything Madoka AU-related you’d like an excuse to talk about? Because this is basically a free pass to do so.

Okay I’m gonna use this as an excuse to infodump/expand on Rantaro’s backstory because I’ve been wanting to talk about it for a while now

(warning, this does get really, really, REALLY long because a LOT happens in his backstory and I couldn’t help myself Also I spoil at least half the plot twists in Madoka Magica so there’s that too)

So like in canon, he comes from a pretty rich family, as his father has a pretty upper-class job. For a long time he lived with him, his mother and his younger sister. (yes there’s only one this time, it’d be a lot more confusing if there was 12) His relationship with his mother was fine, but his relationship with his father was...Complicated, to say the least. (not to the extent in DFTH though, thankfully) However he really cared for his sister. Since his parents both worked a lot, he had to look after her most of the time and he really grew to care for her. She was practically his entire world. But one day, his sister went missing. Completely gone. Rantaro of course was worried sick, and his relationship with his father got even worse.

Then not too long after that, him and a few of his friends from school were approached by a certain alien cat. ...By which I mean he jumped through the window and scared the living daylights out of them. (Basically Kyubey noticed that someone with a high Karmic Destiny was nearby, and it also just so happened that he has something he might want to wish for. There were other people there too, so why not recruit them too? It’s a win-win!) So Kyubey introduced himself and went through the details of the contract. However, Rantaro’s not an idiot. His time with his father made him learn that every deal has a catch, and questioned Kyubey as to what the terms and conditions were. Kyubey of course obliged (as he says in the anime that the only reason he never told the girls about the darker stuff was because they never asked), but he purposely framed it in a way to still get them to make a contract anyway. To give them time to decide on their wishes, he said that he would approach each of them seperately that night and ask them then.

So cut to that night, Kyubey approaches Rantaro and asks him what his wish is, and Rantaro practically immediately wishes to be able to find his missing sister. (because of this, his power is the ability to track people’s locations) And it’s a good thing he did, because she got stuck in a Witch’s Labyrinth. Thankfully the Witch that captured her prefers to collect it’s victims instead of killing them, so Rantaro was able to save her. Him and his sister were reunited, his relationship with his family got better, all good times.

...For about a month.

Before I go into detail about what happens, I’mma just confirm one thing: Yes, Rantaro’s previous team was made up of members of the DFTH cast. Because the reason he had a previous team in the first place is symbolic of the Ultimate Survivor thing and I decided to go all the way with it and throw my OCs into the mix I’ve already confirmed that Kokoro, Haruto and Sachiko were part of his team, but Saiko was also an original member and Jasper and Miko were the people who joined later on. (a lot of this is for DFTH symbolism reasons btw but yeah)

Now that the explanation’s out of the way time for angst

At some point during a fight against a notably powerful witch, Saiko’s soul gem gets shattered at some point when he’s trying to protect Rantaro and he dies. The group of course is devastated and can barely fight anymore, but thankfully Miko and Jasper - who are both a LOT more experienced than them since they made their respective wishes before them - decide to join the team and get their spirits back up again. ...For about a week. This is when they run into the “main villain figure” of this AU- okay I’m not even hiding who it is anymore at this point, it’s Tsumugi. They run into Tsumugi. Basically when she made a contract with Kyubey she didn’t know about the Magicas = Witches thing and thought that whoever was making the Witches shouldn’t be having all the fun themselves, and wished to be able to create Witches of her own. This gave her the ability to fire an attack that severely corrupts a Magica's soul gem on a direct hit, but also corrupts her own a bit too. During the fight against them, she uses said attack on Haruto. Because she was finding him annoying. The group don’t realise what happened until she escapes. Rantaro panics because he doesn’t want to lose someone else like what happened with Saiko, and he is also really close to Haruto like he is in DFTH, so he rushes to get a grief seed before it’s too late. The Witch they find runs away before Rantaro can kill it, and the resulting stress was too taxing on Haru’s soul gem and he turns. (he ends up turning into the very same Witch that kills Maki later on in the timeline by the way) The group is too weakened from the fight with Tsumugi to actually fight him, and Sachiko also dies here. So the group have to run away.

It’s probably around this point that Kyubey tells Rantaro about the whole Karmic Destiny thing, specifically that he notably has more of it than the rest of his team. Because of that he assumes that everyone’s deaths was his fault, and reluctantly decides that the remaining group (him, Kokoro, Miko and Jasper) should split up, but Kokoro follows him anyway. He framed this to his family as him moving out and getting an apartment elsewhere and going to a different school, but promised he still would visit. (his sister was the reason he made his wish after all, would be a dick move to just leave her)

However, not long after they arrived in their new town, the stress and trauma of the situation got to Kokoro and she Witched out. She ran off to go on a rampage, so Rantaro chased after her to stop anyone from getting hurt. And it just so happened that the person that Witch attacked was Kaede. He was able to kill the Witch to protect her, but ran off before she could say anything. ...But it just so happens that the school he transferred to was the one that she, Kaito, Maki and Shuichi all went to.

And this all leads to the main timeline.

...Holy shit I wrote a lot more than I thought I would Sorry if I rambled for too long

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