#I would like to thank you for lugging those mother fuckers around for me but their firmness does make it easier

[whereisthedamndaddymanual]

There is so much excitement in getting ready to do a new drug.

It brings fond memories of Cherry Poppins early work. God has conceived in a Virgin!

Sure, he just went raw into her because she begged him. Tap tap tap....licks some more

👂 what was it you wanted me to do.... 🤔

Ah yes, it is better to spill the seed into a whore than the air. Tap tap mmm I bet it needs it

*runs the lab tests*

Oh it is indeed slick enough I see hold on I need to make sure it still tastes delicious. But first tap tap

Spits and watches it run down into the cracks of the sidewalk. Reaches down and spreads the spit because I want more coverage in the concrete cracks

Pulls out my straw and blows more spit with better aim. The cracks are now flooded. Ok better go inside now you can drink some lemonade I have to keep tapping on this.

[pedge-page]

I’m absolutely IN. LOVE. with ur Joel/baby Sarah/wife!Reader masterlist and all their wacky adventures 😍🤪! When u have the time and if u feel drawn to the suggestion, I hope to see reader and Joel have a cute hubby & wifey moment (either before or after Sarah, ur pick) and not just Joel having high blood pressure all the time 🤣. Have an awesome weekend!!! 😘

Joel Dealing with Preggo Wife: My Wife, My Love, My Life

notes: thank you for the request! Decided to make this one after Sarah is born but the focus towards the end is Joel and Reader.

Warnings: Oral m!receiving, blowjob, facial, very brief unprotective penetration

18+ ONLY

- - - -

You didn’t ever think this day would come. Not now, not so soon at least, but certainly you had hoped it would never come.

Yet as you packed your suitcase, your eyes welled with tears. Your bedroom, the one you’d shared with your husband for years for every single night you two were together, was about to be foreign. No longer sharing his warm embrace, his caresses and morning kisses.

 You were leaving him behind.

 Memoriese placate your mind, routines and dents of the bed were about to be disrupted for the first time, and your heart ached at the idea.

Worst yet, you were leaving your own daughter, your sweet little angel who was not even one year old. She’s too young, should you even be separated from her at this age? How badly would this scar her? How much would she remember her own mother, who showed nothing but love and care and smiles for her entire existence, how much would that penetrate her memory of you as you abandon your family—

“Are you crying’ again?” Joel asks from the doorway. “It’s only a week!”

You sniffle and toss your blazer into your bag, avoiding him. “I don’t wanna go.”

You’re just traveling for a brief work trip just for the week then you’ll be back this time next Sunday, but STILL. All of those things hold true(ish), and it still hurts to have to say goodbye—

“Would you relax, honey. Christ.”

Even if your husband doesn’t care, you know Sarah will feel the pain of her own Momma leaving her behind with no reason she can possibly come to understand—

 “You are so clingy and needy—��

JOEL WOULDYOUSHUTTHEFUCKUP I'MHAVINGAMOMENT, DAMNIT.

You sigh heavily and zip up the bag before lugging it to the ground. He raises his eyebrow as you storm by, his arms folded with a bemused smirk.

“Oh it’s funny to you? Guess you do want me gone—“

“It’s a week,” he reminds you firmly, his hands rubbing along bothy your arms. “It’s gonna be like a vacation for you!” 

His words of encouragement suck ass because your ideal vacation is with your family. No, this was more like hell. 

And Joel seemed to be loving every minute of it.

“Don’t forget ya moisturizer, oh and I packed ya some snacks for the plane. Plus some pepper spray, which you gotta put in your checked bag cuz they ain’t gonna let ya through security. Your passport is in your purse already…” 

He was practically ushering you straight out the door. Running around the house like road runner, athering everything ahead of time, getting your little carry on and security tag and even breakfast quickly made for you to ‘make you not worry about a thing’.

No. The fucker was getting rid of you for sure, and glad of it—

“Stop sitting there with that face,” he says.

You sit down and shove your eggs in your mouth. “What face?” You snap.

“The ‘he’s intentionally trying to get rid of you’ one you got on right now. Just want ya to be prepared is all.”

You quickly wipe your expression but scowl at him when he has his back turned. 

After breakfast, you kissed your baby goodbye. She was still sleeping soundly in her crib. Joel supervised you from the hall to make sure you didn’t try to sneak her into your purse so you could take her with you.

“Ok you have enough milk in the freezer and some already thawed in the fridge when she wakes up. You have teething rings, you know how to heat her bottle, you have her burp blanket—“ you list each one on your fingers as he backing you up to the car.

“Yes,yes,yes,yes! Honey, I got it all—“

“I bought groceries already for the week —“

“And if ya missed anything, I can go grab it myself. I can cook, you know that. Got ya in bed with my food before so—“

“Joel I’m serious.” You stop him. but as you think it over, you know he’s right. He’s like a pro at taking care of you and Sarah. You’re just trying to avoid the feeling that she’s gonna miss you gone. 

Maybe she won’t even notice you're gone…

Joel catches your eyes faltering, lips trembling as water shines in your eyes. 

“Nonono! It’s gonna be okay.” He hugs you, his soft hands securely stroking your back until he can feel you breathe slowly again.

“I know I know. I’m just. I’m gonna miss you both.”

“The sooner you go, the sooner you’ll be back,” he hums reassuringly. 

You pull away and frown. “Definitely looking forward to getting rid of me—“ you seethe under your breath.

“OH GET IN THE DAMN CAR.”

-

Joel just got the text from you that you on time and safely boarded onto the flight. He knows you’ll be out of contact with cell service for the majority of the week since you were going to be out of the states, so he’s glad you were able to message him this last time. 

And while no he was NOT glad you were leaving, he wasn’t complaining either. You needed some alone time. You were preggo monster for 9 months and now non stop mom ever since. He could tell from the bags under your eyes and short temper that you needed a little vacation. It didn’t matter if you realized it or not. This conference was a blessing in disguise. There would only be a few hours a day of work stuff, then you could go to the pool, the gym, get a massage, anything you wanted was included.

And he’d get some fantastic quiet time without your nagging just for a little. A mini vacation for him too for the first time in…well, ever.

A win-win for you both.

Sarah was just rousing from her sleep, stretching her arms wide with a big yawn and wiggly toes. He sends a quick pic of her with her hazy eyes before scooping her up.

“Ready for some food, girlie?” He nuzzles his face into her chest, and she giggles happily.

It takes probably 5 minutes of Sarah sucking down her bottle in her high chair on her own before she’s looking around the strangely vacant house.

“Mum-ma?” She asks curiously, just as Joel returns to dump some cereal on her tray.

“Mommy’s left to go go on a trip. Just you and me this week, kid.” He rubs her head affectionately.

Joel really didn’t expect Sarah to fully grasp anything he says, but evidently she did understand “mommy” and “left” and that was it.

Her face scrunches up and she immediately launches into the loudest cries known to man. 

Joel was prepared for this. “Okay, okay Sarah, I know, you miss Momma,” he grabs a host of items: her pacifer, her bunny stuffed animal, her favorite chocolate that you told Joel she couldn’t have but he whips out for energencies like this. Even with his smiling face level with her pained one, wiggling each item excitedly, nothing seemed to be doing the trick. If anything, she wailed longer and harsher, kicking the table and slamming her bottle down until it rattled to the floor.

He eventually picks her up and tries rocking and bouncing, but she just shakes her head furiously. Her face is all red, fat tears dampening her little cotton onesie, with one hand scrunching his shirt and pushing him off. “You get this drama queen shit from your mom,” he tuts.

He sets her down on the floor, and Sarah immediately starts crawling towards the garage door, pointing to Joel to open it.

“She ain’t there, baby. She’ll be back—“

She screams harder, aggressively patting the door and looking back at him like she’s pleading.

He scoops her up again and takes her to the living room. He’s running out of ideas to get her to settle. Checked her diaper just in case, rejected any food, all toys were no hope. He was gonna lose his hearing at this rate.

Joel thought it would take at least the rest of the day before she would notice but this shit might be harder than he thought. If she kept huffing and puffing to keep taking a scream, or shed any more waterfall of tears, he’d have to take her to the hospital for dehydration and shortness of breath.

Sarah crawls over to the couch and yanks on the dangling blanket, pulling down pillows all over top her. He chuckles as she disappears into the mound, but can see her little form navigating from the top. Finally, the sandworm baby stops moving, and he notices her crying desist.

“Oh shit. I already killed her.”

He gently pulls pillows away until he finds Sarah with her face down, diaper bum up and her nose buried in your favorite blanket. She was smelling your scent, and that seemed to calm her almost immediately. Joel sits down and pulls the blanket free, and Sarah panics, reaching out for it desperately. He hands it back to her, and she grips it tightly, pushing her face into the soft coziness. It was still slightly warm with your body heat. Since you use it every time you’re in the living room, it smelled exactly like you.

Sarah takes a deep breath, clearing her cries. She crawls into Joel’s lap and tugs as much of it as she can along with her, sitting down between his thighs and cuddling the blanket around her.

Joel grabs the other end and smells it, and your scent floods his brain with endorphins. “I miss her too, bubba.” He leans and plants a kiss on her head, giving her the pinky back into her now accepting mouth.

She continued to play with her toys on the floor, blanket right next to her everywhere she went. Sometimes, she would just pause and nuzzle her face into it, sighing deeply and then continuing. Even Spoon was feeling the effects. Curled up by the door, whining occasionally, but otherwise just guarding the entrance, waiting for your return. Joel even pitied the big girl and allowed her on the bed so she could curl up into your spot.

Sarah was on her best behavior as much as she could be. She only cried when she was hungry or needed changing. She understood there’s no humor in bullying Joel unless you were here to punish him. 

Things were going great so far for him. 

And Joel felt pretty relaxed too. He could catch up on some programs, get some work done, go to bed when he needed it. It was peaceful.

But it wasn’t until a few nights in that he noticed life wasn’t as dandy. And it wasn’t Sarah that was making it evident.

It was him.

-

As you board your flight back home, nothing brings you more peace of mind than imagining walking back into your house. 

Joel was right, this was somewhat of a mini vacation. And while it was nice, the bed wasn’t right. Didn’t matter how much money they spent on the king sized memory foam body conforming mattress with silk sheets and pressure release pillows. It just wasn’t the same as the 10 year old spring queen sized mattress that you and Joel had been cramming your asses on since you moved in together and the flat-no shape pillow that you had since you were in college. No amount of Michelin star chef prepared meals could match Joel’s empanadas and rice. 

There wasn’t even anything to compare to being curled up with Joel and Sarah on the couch, watching tv until you both fell asleep in his strong, secure arms.

So in the end, you were right (as always). And damned be Joel, but you wouldn’t be listening to him ever again. If you have to go on a trip again, you’ll just bring them along or quit your job. Easy peasy.

Part of you wonders if he was still having a superb time away from you. Doing all kinds of work around the house without you nagging or asking for dinner, or having him fetch a billion snacks for you because you’re too lazy to get up, or rub your feet or your back or your calves or your clit, or getting a blanket or turning on the fan…damn you were annoying as well. And he does it all. He’s probably gonna see you walk in and sigh disappointingly, joking that he wished it lasted longer. You wonder if he and Sarah now morphed into best of pals, and she no longer considered you her #1. 

Oh fuck, I’m gonna start crying on the damn plane.

 By the time you landed, you couldn’t get in touch with Joel. you had received a text selfie image of him and Sarah smiling with the caption “Can’t wait to see you!”. You smile to yourself. God, you’ll risk getting a ticket just to speed home right now.

1.5 hours after you drive home, you open the familiar door. The aroma of home surrounds you, and you couldn’t be happier.

As does a squealing baby being carried by your big ass husband, who both immediately attack you out of thin hair with warm hugs. Spoon wags excitedly beneath you.

You nuzzle yourself into Joel’s neck just as Sarah nuzzles herself into your chest. The four of you stand there for moment, eyes closed and silently grateful.

And wafting. 

Joel and Sarah’s noses and Spoon's especially were twitching and sucking in air against your skin and clothes, more so than hugging you.

“Oh are we…we are smelling me…” you say matter-of-factly but a little confused. Shit do I smell that bad??

He’s about to say something when you snatch Sarah and begin talking to her. She  comfortably hands on your hip as you two chat (well, more like you chat and she babbles excitedly but you return the audience). It was late, and as you rocked her to sleep in your arms, you set her down in her crib, rubbing her belly softly as she soothed to sleep.

You close the door behind you when another hand gently clasps yours.

Joel doesn’t say anything, which surprises you. He’s more stoic than usual. He takes you down the hall and into your bathroom and turns on the tub.

He starts shucking off your clothing without a word. Shirt over head, then bra clasp, pants unzipped and dragged down. you can’t even stop him, he’s so gentle yet determined. and truthfully, you didnt have it in you to give him return home sex he’d probably been missing.

“Joel,” you say softly, and he shivers. “Um, I’m a little tired, but I promise tomorrow I will—“

“Tub,” he commands. 

You tilt your head in confusion but step into the basin, now stark naked. The water is just perfect. You sink in until it’s level with your chest. Joel mixes in some suds and pulls his mini stool next to the edge, and begins massaging your shoulders.

“Oh honey you don’t need to do that,” you insist. “I got a massage when I was there…” 

He doesn’t say anything but keeps going. And it’s not until he really finds your sensitive areas that you realize you do, in fact, need this. You sigh contently as he works the particularly troublesome knots in your shoulders, then gently over your neck. His hands, god you miss those hands, feel like heaven. After a few moments of you letting out soft moans, he lathers your expensive ‘for rare occasion’ shampoo and begins slathering it in your hair. With exceptional care, he works his fingers in circles, and you can feel your eyes going cross eyed with the thorough job he’s spoiling you with. Your whole body feels relaxed like a warm sheet of butter folding into a decadent pastry.  You simmer and sink down even lower, indicating you’re incredibly tranquil. 

He still remains silent. You can’t see him as you face the opposite end of the bathroom. Just the two of your breathing falling in sync.

Once finished, he pats you dry with fresh and warm towels, carries you bridal style to your bed.

You think now maybe he’s gotten you ready and pliant so he can rail your back out of place, but instead, he lays you on your side of the bed and tucks you into the sheets.

He tosses his socks and plows into the bed on his side, crawling up to you and putting himself face down into your chest and neck. He takes the biggest, longest breath possible through his nose before letting it out with a satisfied hum. Closing his eyes, Joel allows himself to relax, surrounding himself with you, his hand protectively over your stomach and absent-mindedly swishing back and forth with his thumb.

You giggle, smelling his sweet brown curls and rolling his hair through your fingers. “Did my clingy needy husband miss me?” You tease.

He’s already snoring and drooling into your breasts.

-

Joel’s having an out of body experience right now, and he can’t tell if he’s dreaming. There’s a fantastic, tingling, pleasurable feeling dancing along his entire body. He stirs slightly, letting out an audible groan. Something is warm against him, wet and moving, and it feels like a massage from heaven. He can’t exactly piece together what it is, still floating through his subconscious trying to rouse him awake, but still so blissfully relaxed he can’t quite fully awaken yet. He was out so deep last night in your embrace. Surrounded by your presence, your smell, your touch and breath and love and body. 

His lashes flutter open, and the ceiling blur takes shape before him. He’s lying on his back in the bed, with something heavy against his lower half. sounds make their way to his ear, his own rugged gasps getting louder as the sensations more clearly are identified, sending signals of euphoria to his brain. He rasps out, eyes widening, and groggily tilts his chin down to see you; your mouth sloppily taking his hardened cock over and over, slurping the saliva and coating him with your talented tongue. You suck on his tip before working down his massive length, your other hand expertly jerking in rhythm what you can’t fit.

He chokes, still unsure if what he’s seeing and feeling is a dream. He hopes it’s not a dream. 

The sounds from his throat cause you to peer up. A slight warm, loving grin tugging at your lips to make eye contact with him as you give him the morning blow job of his life.

And that does it for him. He yelps, stomach tightening before hot ropes of his seed shoot out of his tip like a canon. You bare down and suction your lips to his pulsing dick, feeling each throb deposit his sticky hot cum into your mouth. You gulp and gulp over and over, not nearly quick enough as his cream overwhelms you and bulges out of your cheeks. Even after you’ve coughed, his cock doesn’t stop, splashing all over your face in ribbons, one after the other, as he lets out drawn out moans, eyes rolled back and head arched into the pillow. He’s seeing stars, ruining your face like a mud mask of his spent. By the time he’s finished, he looks back down to see your slightly shocked expression, mouth agape with cum pouring down your forehead and eyelids, cheeks and chin, back onto his stomach.

He’s struggling to return from cloud nine. Brain hasn’t been this foggy even when high and drunk. He feels like sinking into the mattress and retiring from life.

You finally chuckle at his current state. “You didn’t get off all week did you?” He shakes his head side to side, eyes closed. You crawl up next to him, using his bedside tissues to wipe your face clean.

“I hope you liked it, I couldn’t wait for you to wake up—“

“Quit your job,” he says quietly.

He opens his eyes and rolls over to kiss your forehead and lie on top of you, his body conforming to yours. You feel his face nudged into your neck again as his back relaxes. You give him a confused look.

“I’ll take on extra projects,” he continues plainly. “Work extended nights. Just don’t leave us like that again.”

You cup his face in your hands to look at you. He’s sincere, kissing your palms and rubbing his cheek into your touch like a puppy. 

You can’t help but smile.

“You missed me that much? Thought it was a mini vacation!”

He shakes his head. “It sucked,” he pouts like a child, hugging you tighter.

It was by the 4th night in that Joel realized it.

He prepared his solo meal quietly, served Sarah her mushy food quietly, and sat down at the table quietly. With only her little happy coos here and there, and him blowing on his own meal, he never realized just how quiet everything is without you.

Your chair was empty. Your side of the bed was cold. The house was so vacant without one person that it almost just feels like a building rather than a home. He realized he just gets up, feeds and talks to Sarah and spends time with her, then as soon as she’s in bed, he’s just. Existing. There. With nothing to do. He loved taking care Sarah, but she was pretty self sustaining. She was doing a hell of a lot better than he was. He tried busying himself with housework or TV or construction projects he had been wanting to do, but it all just felt like work. Like everything he did for himself was a chore. 

He didn’t want to do anything if you weren’t there to see him by the end of the day. 

He remembers when he used to thrive when he was living by himself. But he also realized… he hasn’t lived by himself in years. Since before he met you. 

“You know I can’t quit my job, right?”

He grumbles but nods into your breasts.

“And I don’t want you taking on extra projects. I want to see you at the end of the day too. Tell you this: if I get another conference, either my family comes, or I don’t go. Deal?”

“Deal.” He kisses your chest before shimmying his way up your body until he’s fully over top you. “Otherwise I’ll tear your boss a new asshol—“

“Joel.”

“I’m just saying. Everyone wants to keep ya from me—“

“Joel.”

“N’ as your husband and baby daddy, I have a right to say where you put that ass every night and it should be right up against my di—“

“Just kiss me already.”

“Yes Ma’am.” He captures your lips with his hungrily. You feel his knees nudging yours apart, slotting himself perfectly between your bodies. The freshly hardened tip of his cock breaches your entrance, but Joel doesnt even let you gasp. His lips remain sealed on yours.

 He wasn’t going to let you get away that easily again. Not even for a second. 

- - - -

Taglist: @harriedandharassed @lola8888673 @its-nebuleuse @zliteraturehoe @merz-8 @joeldjarin @pascalscoffin @pedroshotwifey @ghostslillady @innerpersonunknown @missladym1981 @mrsoharaxx @survivingandenduring @milla-frenchy @cockykookiee @fairytale07 @daddy-din @pedropascalsbbg @spookyxsam @somehopeatlast @millercontracting @pedrostories @mishala005 @theoraekenslover @animez96 @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @puduvallee @cassiecasluciluce @loohoop @himboelover @callsignwidow

[machine-gun-casie]

Funnel Cakes, Ferris Wheels, And Some Feelings

anon: A fluffy best friends to lovers concept with MGK where he and the reader spend the day at the carnival and end up admitting their feelings for each other on the Ferris wheel👉🏼🥺👈🏼

wc: 2.3k

tw: bad driving, food, a tik tok song if u squint.

:: :: ::

“Colson, please.” You whined, dragging out the ‘please’.

“I already said no.” He spoke monotonously without looking up from his phone. You pouted and gave him your best puppy eyes. “Stop with that shit you do with your eyes. It’s cute, but it’s not cute enough.”

“Then what is cute enough?” You threw your head back to add to the dramatics. “I really wanna go, but a carnival is no fun alone. I mean, I’m guessing.”

“You’re guessing?” Colson raised his eyebrows at you and only slightly lowered his phone. “If you’ve never been to a carnival alone, now’s a great time.”

“No,” you laughed and shoved his shoulder, “I’ve never been to a carnival period.”

“You’ve never been to a carnival?!” Colson asked a little too loudly in disbelief. “How have you never been to a carnival?”

You shrugged and made that hum people do when they have no clue. “I figured since this one’s in town, we could go together.” You let out a long heavy sigh and flopped onto Colson, pulling out an ‘oomph’ from the blonde haired giraffe boy. “But if you really don’t wanna go…”

“Alright, get up.” The words were short and clipped, and Colson only pulled out this tone when he was serious.

“What? Are we going?” Sitting up a little too fast, you looked at Colson with eyes that were incredibly hopeful.

“Yes, we’re going. Go put on your shoes.” He nodded and pointed to your shoes by the door.

“Aaah!” You squealed obnoxiously loud and smiled when you saw Colson wince. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

Colson pushed you farther away from him with a gentle kick of his legs against yours and closer to the door. “Go! Before I change my damn mind!”

“You’re no fun.” You pouted, dropping to the floor to put on your shoes.

“I’m taking you, aren’t I?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” You rolled your eyes but a soft smile slowly spread across your face. You jumped up and looped your arm through Colson’s when you were done, hugging his arm close to your chest. “Thank you.”

Colson noted the genuine sincerity in your voice and his demeanor softened as he led you out of the front door. You and him were always bickering, but everyone, including the two of you, knew that it was only playing around. “You know I was gonna take you as soon as you mentioned it, right?”

“I know. I’m just- yeah, I’m just thankful. For you.” You chuckled and shook your head, stopping in front of the car. “Fuck. That was really sappy, huh?”

“Oh yeah, way too fucking sappy.” Colson nodded, a teasing smirk on his face. He opened the passenger door for you and held out his hand to help you in. When you put your hand in his, he grasped it and pulled you closer. You let out a sigh as he pulled you into a hug, your arms around his waist and one of his was around your shoulders while the other cradled your head. He placed a chaste kiss to your forehead and smiled. “But sappy isn’t always bad.”

The car ride to the carnival was about as hectic as any car ride with Colson. A few red lights ignored here, a few fire hydrants almost crashed into there, and a long hearty giggle fest at the tree Colson almost burned down not that long ago. You arrived faster than the google maps approximation of an hour, L.A. traffic surprisingly not that bad. Still very very bad. But less so than usual.

“Alright!” Colson slapped his hand on the roof of the car as soon as you were parked and out of your seats. “Rule number one of carnivals: Funnel Cakes!”

He pointed towards a stall right past the ticket vendor, and he was clearly right as people flooded from the ticket vendor right up to the food truck.

“I think we need to get tickets first.” You chuckled, rounding the length of the car and reaching Colson. You grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the ticket vendor.

“I know that.” Colson rolled his eyes. “Aside from the obvious, there’s rules to going to a carnival.”

“Oh, is there?” You asked, humoring him.

“Definitely.” Colson nodded as seriously as he could. “You have to eat funnel cake, you have to go on the carousel, you have to win a huge ass teddy bear, and you have to end the night on the ferris wheel.”

“In that order?” You asked once you had secured your place in line at the ticket vendor.

“And no other order.”

“Does the bear go on the ferris wheel or does it wait on the ground?” You asked, always the logical one. “It could fit on the ferris wheel, right? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure I’d steal a huge ass teddy bear left unattended. Can’t blame someone else if they felt those same urges towards our future abandoned huge ass teddy bear.”

“You make some great points.” Colson nodded, moving forward in line. Now only three other couples stood ahead of you.

You mentally scolded yourself for the use of the word ‘other’. You were not a couple. Colson is your best friend. Nothing else. You weren’t even sure if he considered you his closest friend. He had so many, it was hard not to compare yourself to them. All the clips online, the videos he posts late at night, the stories he’s told you of wild nights out. You felt like you could never compare.

Colson was always so calm with you. Made you wonder, did he slow down his usual escapades for you? Were you holding him back?

“-if not, we’ll put it in the car.”

“Huh?” You furrowed your eyebrows as you shook yourself out of your thoughts.

“We can put the bear in the car if there’s no space on the ferris wheel.” Colson repeated himself, eyebrows furrowing like yours. “Where’d you go there?”

“Hmm? Oh, nowhere. Yeah, bear in the car if need be.” You looked ahead in the line and saw that there were now two couples in front of you. “You know, if you really don’t like carnivals, we can head back. We haven’t bought any tickets or anything-”

“Hey, woah, what?” Colson interrupted you. “No, you can’t do that to me! Now I’m excited to win you a huge ass teddy bear! We’re not going anywhere.”

“Alright alright, I was just making sure!” You defended yourself. You felt the blood rush to your ears at Colson’s words. He was gonna win you the teddy bear. Like a sappy movie. Yeah this was definitely not helping your feelings.

Tickets were bought soon after, and true to his word, Colson’s first order of business was buying each of you a funnel cake.

“With this, there’s something you gotta keep in mind.” You nodded for him to continue. “You do not think of how ginormous it is. You just eat that shit. Every last bite. You gotta finish it, even if it’s too much.”

“I don’t think I can eat the whole thing, it’s huge!” You held the extremely large deep fried web of cake up to show him how truly gigantic the serving was.

Colson opened his mouth to tell you ‘yes, you still have to finish it. no exceptions.’ But then he saw your face. Fuck. He really couldn’t say no to you, could he? “Fine, you can give the rest to me. But only ‘cause it’s your first time!” When you smiled and nodded, Colson felt a wave of joy course through him. And after that a shock wave of fear.

This was not the time nor the place for his romantic feelings for you to come up. He really thought that he had successfully shoved those feelings deep into the recesses of his mind, but alas their heads keep rearing back into the forefront of his brain. He felt wrong about the feelings he had for you. Almost like he was taking advantage of you. He felt like you would regret all the time you spent together if you found out that during every movie night, every late night grocery run, and every early morning drive, Colson had a raging boner of the heart for you. He chuckled because he knew that his phrasing would bring you to a giggling heap on the ground.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothin’.” He smiled to himself and looked down at his funnel cake.

“No, now you gotta tell me.” You smiled, glad to see that your best friend didn’t seem to hate being here. “Spill, hot stuff.”

Colson flushed at the nickname and cleared his throat. “Just thinking about how Case would have loved this place.”

“Yeah, I bet she would.” You mused as you looked around at all the kids running around. “You should bring her the next time she comes down here. If it’s still around, I’m not su-”

“We should.” Colson corrected you, stopping you mid sentence.

“Hm?”

“We should take her. Yeah, she’ll like it if I brought her to one of these.” He shrugged. “But she’d go crazy if you came too. She’s obsessed with you, you know?”

“I can’t blame her, I’m amazing.” You shrugged with a smirk.

“Ha ha ha.” Colson dusted off his hands and reached over to pop the last piece of your funnel cake into his mouth. “Get your ass up, it’s carousel time mother fucker!”

Carnival activities took more time than you thought. The games took time because of the long lines at every stall, and the rides took time because the operator couldn’t start them until most of the seats were filled. In conclusion, when Colson said that you were to end the night with the ferris wheel, you really didn’t think it would be dark out by the time you were lugging the huge ass teddy bear towards the colorful manifestation of the fear of heights.

Thankfully the ferris wheel had four seater booths, so the teddy bear you affectionately named Wild Boy got to ride with you. You sat him on the bench opposite you and Colson and fastened his seat belt just to be safe. Once you were settled and the ride started moving, you let out a content sigh.

“That was so much fun.”

“Yeah?” Colson asked, placing his arm around your shoulders. You nodded and pulled yourself closer into his side. “What was your favorite part?”

“Definitely when you wasted six tickets to get Mr. Boy over here.” You giggled.

“Hey!” Colson raised his hand a little. “How dare you say that was a waste. It was an honor using up six of our precious tickets. I don’t think you get it, y/n. I had to get you this big ass teddy bear.”

“You had to?” You asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yup.” He popped the p and nodded, looking straight ahead and trying his hardest to keep a neutral facial expression. “Them’s the rules.”

Your face broke out into a tightlipped smile as your giggled escaped as puffs of air through your nose. “Where is this rulebook of carnival trips?”

“Up here, baby.” Colson grinned, tapping his temple. “I haven’t gotten it published yet, but I don’t know if I will.”

“Mmm.” You hummed and nodded. “The information is too sacred for the public.”

There was a lull in the conversation, leaving you to review the last few spoken words between the two of you. You sat up a little straighter and furrowed your brows once you recalled Colson’s previous words.

“What?”

“Oh my god, did you,” you paused and turned to look at Colson, “did you call me baby?”

Colson had never called you that. Come to think of it, Colson has never called you anything but your name. Not that you were complaining, but the deviation certainly stood out to you. You couldn’t blame him really, you had to stop yourself from calling him something similar all day. Today’s activities felt almost too much like a date. But you thought you only felt like that because you had feelings for him.

Colson looked straight ahead and furrowed his brows in thought before he slowly turned to you. “Maybe.”

“Uh.” You felt a small smile sneak itself on your face.

“Is that okay?”

“Yeah, it’s cool. I like that.” You tried to respond nonchalantly, mentally face-palming yourself over the words you chose.

“Cool.” Colson smiled and relaxed, leaning back again.

You both stayed silent for a few moments, simply processing. Then you quickly snapped back to face Colson only to see that he had done the same thing.

“Wait, does that mean-”

“Fuck man, it better.”

Your eyes grew wide when you actually realized what just happened. You reached out and pulled Colson towards you so quickly that the ferris wheel booth you were sitting in shook. You looped your arms around his neck and quickly placed your lips on his. Before you could question whether or not he wanted this too, he grabbed you by the waist and pulled you closer to him, deepening the kiss.

When you pulled away, you saw that you were halfway through your trip on the ferris wheel, leaving you and Colson at the very top. “Holy shit, I’d like to quote Mod and say ‘movie.’”

Colson couldn’t help but agree. It was the most cinematic moment of the day.

“So you’re telling me, this whole fucking time-” Colson couldn’t help but chuckle. “I thought you liked Baze!”

“Baze?!” You gasped. “No! It’s been you, it’s been you for a long time.”

“Good, ‘cause it’s been you for a long time for me too.” Colson grinned. “Does that mean I can kiss you all the time now?”

“You never even have to ask.”

[britishassistant]

But I Like One Piece (4)

Somehow it gets worse after that.

It’s hard enough living with the realization that she’s been reborn with an entirely new circulatory system that parasitizes energy from her training and studying and doesn’t like her.

But then the teacher begins making noises about learning to mold this system to their wills.

Like trying to harness the weird unnatural force for its powers isn’t going to end horror movie style.

Especially since they’re using those dumb hand signs to do so.

She feels a little bad for disparaging it, since Naruto’s trying so hard to form them properly.

But most of them look like they’d dislocate her fingers if she wasn’t careful, her mind recalling videos of howling children who tried a little too hard to copy their favorite show and were left with fingers that dangled the wrong way.

She can’t risk damaging her tools again.

“Ketsugi.” The teacher says. “Demonstrate the Ox sign for the class.”

She cautiously twists her fingers, then drops them when something twinges. “Can't do it.”

“Of course you can, if you bother to try. The Ox sign.” The teacher snaps.

“But these aren’t necessary, right?” She pushes.“They just make using ch-chakra easier. A handicap.”

The teacher sighs. “They’re a tool, not a handicap, which you would know if you were paying attention to the lesson. Form the signs, Rat through Serpent.”

“I’m not doing them.” She snaps. “It’s embarrassing as a human being!”

There’s a moment of silence as what she said sinks in.

“Mizuki-sensei, why does Ketsugi-san look so smug?”

“Because she’s about to serve detention Uchiha.” The teacher growls. “Ketsugi, out in the hallway, now!”

She pouts as she holds the water buckets. They’re not even that heavy after training with Gai-sensei.

And so what if she was smug? She got to say Nico Robin’s line, she deserves to feel proud for that.

“It’s embarrassing as a human being.” She whispers to herself and can barely stifle slightly hysterical giggles.

Naruto and Kiba end up in detention with her after school.

Somehow they managed to turn the teacher’s white hair orange enough to rival Nami’s. It’s almost the same length too, making her snicker.

She thinks of her own hair, now below her chin. It’s too fine and straight to pull off Nami's look. She pouts down at her fingers.

“What is your family symbol anyways?” Kiba says, cracking his knuckles and shaking his fingers out. They’ve been cycling through the dumb signs for the past twenty minutes.

She peeks down at her shirt where there’s a little embroidered grey pelican with its wings raised to almost form a circle and a red tomoe where its beak meets its breast.

“It’s a pelican.” She says. “A sea bird. Their beak can hold lots of water, like a bucket.”

“Oh.” He fidgets, scratching the markings on his face. Akamaru barks. “Is that why it’s your family symbol? Carrying water?”

“Ah, no.” She gestures towards it as covertly as she can. “There’s this idea from a long time ago that pelicans babies are nursed on blood. So the pelican stabs itself with its beak so it can feed its babies. It’s a metaphor for something, like self-sacrifice, I think. I’m pretty sure they don’t do that in the wild.”

Kiba “hmms” and a frown creases Naruto’s face, but he doesn’t say anything for the rest of the afternoon, and that evening he’s back to normal.

She wonders if she should’ve questioned it.

One day a little under half of their class is gone.

She looks around. “Where is everyone?”

“You mean you don’t know?” Ino gasps, looking vaguely ill. Her skin’s pale and there’s bags under her eyes.

She and Naruto glance at one another. She shakes her head.

The blonde leans in close, voice dropping to a whisper. “The entire Uchiha clan was killed last night. Massacred.”

She blinked, looking around at the empty seats. Then it hits her. “What?! Even the—”

Ino shrugged, rubbing her arms. “I don’t know. They haven’t reported any survivors. J-just that the clan compound was—w-was—”

The blonde began trembling violently, breath coming in harsh gasps. Her eyes widen and she slips an arm around Ino’s shoulders, frantically gesturing to Naruto who looks like he’s confronting a bomb instead of a panicking girl.

Between them they got Ino sitting down and nibbling half-heartedly on an orange slice. Shikamaru, Kiba and Choji are in just as bad shape. Chouji is chewing his thumb so hard he makes it bleed, while Shika jumps at the slightest sound. Kiba’s just curled around Akamaru.

Nobody talks much that day.

Eventually the teacher throws his hands up and tells them all to go home early.

All the other civilian kids leave immediately in twos and threes. The clan kids stay seated.

Ino laughs hollowly when Sakura asks what’s taking her so long. Chouji won’t stop trembling. The quiet boy in the back buzzes restlessly. Kiba even lets out a whimper.

She exchanges glances with Sakura and Naruto.

They’re scared stiff.

Naruto stands up, and goes to where his stalker and the quiet boy sit at the back of the room. “Hey,” He says, “Wanna walk home with Mayu-chan an’ Sakura-chan an’ Ino an’ Shika an’ Chouji an’ Dogbreath and me?”

He sounds out of breath once he’s finished.

“U-um,” The stalker stutters. The quiet boy says, “That will not be necessary. Why? Because...”

“Oh come off it and walk with us.” She snaps. “We’ll hold hands and everything. Safety in numbers, right Shikamaru?”

He scoffs, but stares intensely at a spot on the wall. She can practically see the cogs turning in his head.

“Okay.” He says. “Here’s how we’ll do this.”

They run into Lee on the way out, but he gets incorporated into their weird-dodechahedron-chain-thing easily enough.

He and Naruto are at the front, laughing and talking like nothing’s wrong. Naruto holds Kiba and his stalker’s hands, while Lee holds the quiet boy’s and Shikamaru’s.

The clan kids make up a mass in the middle. Kiba (after much grumbling) holds the quiet boy’s other hand, while the stalker holds Ino’s and Shikamaru grasps Chouji’s hand.

She and Sakura take the rear, holding hands and not doing as good a job as Lee and Naruto at pretending everything’s fine. Sakura’s also holding Ino’s other hand and she’s holding Chouji’s.

People stare at them as they walk, barely tripping each other up.

Some snigger, but more look pitying.

She spots a couple of masks following them at a distance and tightens her grip on Sakura and Chouji.

They go to the compound that’s farthest from the village proper first and work their way in.

The quiet boy’s father has glasses like his son, and thanks them with a low buzz for returning “Shino”.

Kiba’s mum gives him a noogie and her dog calls them “good kids” gruffly.

The stalker is welcomed by an attendant who calls her “Hinata-sama”, flicks cold eyes over them and shuts the door in their faces.

Ino’s mum is almost in hysterics and she can’t stop hugging and kissing her daughter.

Chouji’s dad looks on the verge of tears, and he calls them brave for looking after his son.

Shikamaru’s mum keeps it better together, but her voice cracks when she thanks them.

When she closes the door on them, Mayu, Naruto, Lee and Sakura all look at each other, pensive and grave. The four “civilians” with no compounds to hide in.

Not that the compound saved the Uchiha.

“Wanna go cook something at my place?” She asks.

Her parents return with Gai-sensei and a pink-haired man and a blonde woman who introduce themselves as Kizashi and Mebuki Haruno.

They hug their daughter for a long time.

Lee looks longingly at the scene, so Gai-sensei slaps him on the shoulder and challenges him to run 100 times around their garden on his hands. Otou-sama eagerly asks if he can join in, which Gai-sensei enthusiastically agrees with.

Otou-sama repeatedly falls on his face, but he looks like he’s having fun.

She checks to see if the meat is done, then calls out that the food she, Naruto, Sakura and Lee have prepared is ready.

Naruto grabs the extra chairs while Sakura balances a pitcher of ice water and the hot plate and Lee brings out covered dishes of thinly sliced vegetables and rice.

It’s too hot for hot pot really, and they’re all sweltering as they crowd round the dining table Gai-sensei and Kizashi lugged outside, but at the same time it feels like the heat of the dish could almost burn away the horrors that happened today, warm and mild flavors grounding them in the idea of home and family and making it seem ridiculous that such things could be violated.

Her mother brings out bottles of sake, and she can tell by the way Mebuki Haruno whistles that it’s good stuff.

She uncorks one bottle and pours a dish out for everyone, even the children.

Then her father uncorks the other and holds it up in one hand, his sake dish in the other.

“To the Uchiha. May their memory be honored, may they find justice, and may their spirits be at peace in the next life.”

“To the Uchiha.” They chorus, and he pours the bottle out into the grass as they drink.

She’s never had the tongue for alcohol so it doesn’t taste very nice. From the way Naruto’s sticking his tongue out, Sakura’s hacking, and Lee’s pulling a face, they think the same.

Luffy, I know this isn’t really your thing. She thinks. But maybe get Robin or Nami or Brook to help you out. Please, please get those poor souls somewhere they’ll be happy and free. And knock the fucker who did a Buster Call on them out with a gomu gomu no bazooka.

She tosses back the rest of the sake with that silent prayer.

Naruto leans into her side, resting his head on her shoulder, so she rests her head atop his. Okaa-sama sits down on his other side, taking his hand and carding her free one through Mayu’s hair. Otou-sama brackets them on the other side, throwing an arm over their shoulders and drawing them all together, a bit squashed, and adds his hand to the pile.

They watch the sun set and mourn the lives lost.

Nobody goes home that night.

The masks don’t even come for Naruto.

They end up spread out around the living room, futons and bedding haphazardly laid out.

She wakes up in the early morning with Naruto spreadeagled beside her on the floor, one foot in her father’s stomach and her mother curled up behind her and—

The mask that hurt her standing over them.

She tenses weakly, eyes frantically darting around. Her father is at their feet, so he’ll have to go over them to save her, giving the mask enough time to slit her throat.

Gai-sensei is sitting in her mother’s armchair, head thrown back and snoring while Lee is curled up on his lap. He won’t get to her in time either.

Kizashi is squashed on the couch, with Mebuki blocking him in. Sakura is on the coffee table for some reason, cuddling a paperweight. She can’t drag them into this.

She’s not strong like the Monster Trio. Hell, she can’t even hold a candle to the Coward Trio. There’s no way she’ll be able to take the mask and live to tell the tale. She’ll barely scratch him.

The mask looks at her. She curls a hand around Naruto’s arm protectively and glares back.

He raises a single finger the mouth of the mask and bursts into a flurry of leaves.

She can’t go back to sleep after that.

They’re in the morning paper.

Not as the front page headline. No, that’s reserved for a picture of a little boy that’s so much like the anime stills that used to be bandied about in flame wars of her past life, with the headline UCHIHA ITACHI CONFIRMED KILLER above it and the phrase SEVEN YEAR OLD SOLE SURVIVOR OF MASSACRE underneath.

They are halfway down the second page though. There’s a grainy photograph of their hand-holding escort, taken so as to obscure Naruto as much as possible behind Lee.

It doesn’t quite work, because you can see his hair and ear, and his hands holding Hinata and Kiba, the Uzumaki spiral clearly visible on his shirtsleeve.

Naruto eagerly points this out, and bragging about how “We’re famous now, believe it!”

The caption under it reads: Clan and civilian children draw together in historic show of solidarity. Whoever writes for the paper likes alliteration too much for anyone’s good.

Her father peers at it. “That’s quite a scary face you’re making there Mayu-chan.”

She says nothing and eats her rice quickly while her mother gives Otou-sama a Look.

It’s not her fault she was glaring at the masks when the photo was taken.

Everyone’s talking about the photo in class too.

Ino’s even signing copies of it.

At least she’s feeling better. The others seem to back to a semblance of normality too.

All except the stalker. She keeps stealing quick, furtive glances at Naruto, before gazing sadly back down at her hands.

Ino notices her staring and nudges her. “I heard Hinata’s dad blew a gasket at the picture. Said she’s not allowed to associate with Naruto anymore.” She says conspiratorially.

She winces. For a moment she’d been so caught up in the sense of communal mourning, she’d forgotten she lived in a world where Naruto was a pariah.

“Anything we can do?” She murmurs to Ino.

The blonde purses her lips, tapping her chin, but Sakura, with bags under bloodshot eyes from drinking a bit too much and sleeping on a table, is the one who answers. “Have her sit on the girl’s side of the table. That the way she’s close to Naruto without associating.”

“Sakura, that’s brilliant!” Ino gushes.

Instead of blushing and modestly denying the praise like usual, Sakura presses her face into the desk and mumbles, “Fuck yeah I am, shannaro.”

She cracks up at the expression on Ino’s face.

Naruto invites Shino to sit with him as well to disguise their intentions.

He accepts, but seems a little on edge with all the noise, curling in on himself a little whenever Ino or Kiba or Naruto go a little loud in the volume department.

It’s not his fault; some people just don’t do as well with noisy gatherings like this.

Hinata’s perked up a lot though, so there’s that.

She tries to follow Ino’s efforts to make Hinata feel included, but her mind keeps going back to the headline picture.

She knows about him vaguely. She used to participate in many arguments by claiming that Roronoa Zoro would definitely kick his pasty little arse seven ways to Sunday, magic eye or no.

There were enough pictures and videos of him and Naruto fighting online that she knew they were enemies, even if she didn’t know the whys or hows.

She knows his brother killed his clan, and the flame wars over whether this was justified would always take over the thread.

Sitting here with under half the class gone, dark-haired kids whose names she should’ve made more effort to remember, it sure as hell doesn’t feel like it. But she digresses.

The image of the little lost boy staring at the camera like he can’t understand what’s happening to him returns to haunt her. Naruto used to look like that, when he went home covered in rotted produce and belly growling.

Sanji preserve her, but she’s a sap.

“Will the Uchiha go hungry now?” She asks herself, pushing a grain of rice around.

There’s a silence.

When she looks up, the rest of the table is staring at her. Some inquisitive, some suddenly calculating, one despairing.

Naruto groans, startlingly loud. “I’m not sharing my lunch with him, believe it. You can make him food, but I’m not gonna sit with him.”

“I don’t want to either.” She says honestly, and bites into her red bean bun as those around her stare in bemusement.

Naruto suddenly grins, bright and vicious. “You’re so weird, Mayu-chan.” He crows, biting into his own bun.

She shrugs. Well, he’s not wrong.

[nananikki-hey]

ALL OF THOSE WITH JAWS AND RED

Thank you! I really wanted to write more for them!!

who worries about what they will look like when they are older?

For both boys it’s me. For one skeleton monsters don’t age at all like humans do, they’ll barely change while I’ll be come a wrinkled train wreck of a grumpy old lady. Two; I’m self conscious to the bone already so I’m already worrying about my looks.

who hogs the blanket?

Jaws: Him, the big lug. All he has to do it roll over and I’ve lost all hope of sleeping with a blanket that night. He’s extremely apologetic the morning after though.

Red: Me, I’ve been literally kicked out of bed because he’s woken up cold. We’ve started sleeping with two extra blanket, it’s gotten that bad.

who eats the others uneaten pizza crusts?

Excuse me? In my house the pizza crusts are the best part and both the boys agree. Jaws, more because he doesn’t waste any food at all. And Red cause I’ve pretty sure he’s just terrified of the consequences if he didn’t agree.

who is more likely to cry over a sad book or movie?

Jaws: Me, 100% I’m an emotional bitch and Jaws is kind of emotionally disconnected to things like that, he’s gone through enough real life tragedy.

Red: if it involves animals Red is already sobbing like a baby before I can even tear up. Don’t tell him I said that though, he’ll come for my head.

who talks smack while playing video games?

Jaws: I’ll smack talk like a mother fucker, cause I’m a salty bitch, and he just sits there and laughs.

Red: if it’s a co-op game then we’re smack talking the fuck out of each other heatedly. If it’s single player/online we’ll be backing the other up.

who sings along with the radio?

Jaws: he takes too long to process things to be able to sing a long, especially if he doesn’t know the song perfectly, but I’ll belt out along to the radio for him. He seems to like my singing…though I’m pretty sure I sound like a dying cat.

Red: Him and I will rock out to a lot of angsty rock songs together, but if it’s too upbeat it’s usually just me. He’s a decent metal screamer though so he has me there. Bottom line; it’s a tie.

who would enter them both into a talent show?

Jaws: no, nooooo, neither of us. Our anxiety says a big fat NO.

Red: he’ll fuck with me, say he entered us both when he really only signed me up, then ditch me right before we get on stage. The ass.

who would accidentally set the kitchen on fire while cooking?

Jaws: me, I can’t fucking cook, while Jaws could honestly go toe to toe with Gordon Ramsay.

Red: I’m more likely to burn down the place with anything a cook, but we’ve both done it. Anything but baked good are Red’s weak points.

who would throw the other into a pool?

Jaws: he wouldn’t throw me, he’d grab me then just fall into the pool with me. He’d feel way too guilty if h didn’t get wet a well

Red: HIM. HE WILL DO IT WITHOUT A SINGLE BIT OF HESITATION. But so will I. He better watch his back after he throws me in.

who shops for groceries?

Jaws: it’s a group thing, we all go shopping together. It’s a nice bonding thing and Jaws likes to make sure we all get what we want.

Red: Me. The fridge has gone empty on a lot of occasions cause Red is TOO DAMN LAZY and Boss is too busy to notice.

who kills the spiders?

Jaws: Him, as long as they ain’t apart of Muffet’s clan. I fucking hate spiders.

Red: We both squeal like sissies if there is even a tiny one in the house. It’s usually Boss’ job.

who is the morning/night person?

Jaws: he doesn’t sleep much, but he prefers the night. It’s much more quiet and peaceful. I’m the same.

Red: Red is surprisingly a morning person. Shocking, right? As long as he doesn’t wake up before 8am he’s fine. Any early and he might littering R.I.P. your throat out. To be honest I’m the same, unless I’ve stayed up past 11pm, then don’t even breath around me before 10am.

whO PROPOSES?

Jaws: it’ll have to be me, Jaws would never propose. He’s too scared of himself and rejection.

Red: honestly it could go either way. But it’s more likely to be him, he’d get a trip from just randomly popping the question one day, then probably freak out about it later.

[iamvegorott]

Taken Away Ch 7

I decided to post this chapter early today since I was unable to post yesterday.

Rhino

“The ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah.”

“Jack...please.” Mark groaned.

“We’ve been walking for so long, I’m tired.” Jack whined.

“We can stop for lunch.” Bob suggested.

“Please! I’m starving!” Felix exclaimed.

“How are you starving? You’ve been munching on the trail mix ever since we left the store.” Wade said.

“It’s called an exaggeration, man. I really just wanna sit down for a while.” Felix admitted.

“Sounds like it’s a great time for lunch.” Mark said, plopping down under a tree.

“I’m going to literally be half the man I was by the time we get back.” Bob grunted as he and the others joined Mark. “I wanted to lose weight, but not like this.”

“Exercise is good for ya, but this just sucks.” Jack slipped his bag off and had it next to him.

“There is such thing as too much exercise.” Wade stated. “Although some days just getting out of bed feels like too much exercise.” He added with a small laugh.

“We’ll save cooking the noodles during the night.” Mark muttered as he went through his bag. “Does anyone want dry cereal?”

“Me.” Jack raised his hand and easily caught it when the small box was tossed to him. “Could someone hand me a water?” He asked as he opened the box.

“Got’cha.” Bob answered, opening the suitcase. The man threw the bottle to Jack and then threw some to everyone in the group.

“Turkey jerky is weird.” Wade commented as he chewed.

“Weird in a good way or weird in a bad way?” Felix asked, taking a bite out of a granola bar.

“Yes?” Wade yanked off another bite.

“This feels like we’re just on a camping trip.” Bob said as he chewed on some gummies. “If only that was true.”

“We’ll be home in a few days, we can do this.” Mark said through a mouthful of chips.

“All we have to do is make it to that portal...it sounds too easy and good to be true.” Wade sighed.

“Sometimes things are easier than what we expect.” Jack said. “I mean, Mark got a girlfriend, we all thought that would be impossible.”

“I will cut you in your sleep.” Mark threatened with a laugh in his voice.

“True friendship, threatening to mutilate each other during the night.” Bob said.

“Fight me, scrublord.” Jack patted his chest and puffed it out towards the other man.

“My money’s on Mark.” Felix said, waving his wallet in the air.

“Same.” Wade added.

“Is no one on my side?” Jack huffed.

“You eat cake, Mark climbs rocks.” Bob explained.

“Mark eats cake too!” Jack protested. “And when was the last time Mark went rock climbing? Plus one blow to his ego and down he does.”

“Fuck you too.” Mark flipped Jack the bird.

“You two enjoy yourselves, I’m napping.” Felix said as he adjusted his bag to the sleeping bag was facing him so he could use it as a pillow.

“But we still have so much land to cover before night or we’ll never get home.” Bob said.

“Let me nap for twenty minutes and then we can kill ourselves walking another five hours straight.” Felix said, eyes already closed.

“A nap does sound great.” Wade nodded his head, plopping back.

“We can’t push ourselves too hard or we’ll die getting there like Felix said.” Mark got comfortable as well.

“You’re really pulling my leg here.” Bob chuckled and let out a small yawn. “Yeah. A nap does sound great.” He agreed as he laid down. Jack simply shrugged and leaned against the tree behind him, feeling Callie get on his stomach to nap as well.

“Why are you trying to leave?”

Jack woke with a start. Who was talking? Why did that voice keep following him? Was he going insane or was it just another thing they had to deal with because of where they were? Did the others hear it? By the fact that none of the others even moved, Jack was going to go with ‘no’.

“Don’t leave.”

“It’s only in your head.” Jack said to himself as he opened his backpack. He moved the other stuff in the bag aside and he stared at what he got at the store he’s still yet to tell the others about. Jack reached his hands in and made sure that the item was how it should be at the moment.

“You looking for something, Jack?” Mark’s voice made Jack yelp and quickly hold the bag shut.

“Uh, yeah, yeah, I mean, no. I...I was just making sure that everything was fine after sleeping on the bag.” Jack chuckled nervously.

“You spilled some of the gasoline, did you? You laugh gives you away.” Mark said.

“Yep, yep. That’s it. I just got a little gasoline on the inside of my bag, nothing serious.” Jack didn’t like lying to his friend, but he wasn’t ready to tell him about what he had taken from the store. He wasn’t sure what kind of reaction he would get from the others. They might call him crazy for it.

“We should get the others up. We can get another couple miles in before we set up camp for the night.” Mark let out a groan as he stretched.

“Let me close this up real quick and I’ll help ya.” Jack said and zipped his backpack close before getting up with Mark.

“Alright, you lazy sacks of bones, get up!” Mark yelled and nudged Felix’s side with his foot.

“Five more minutes, mom.” Felix muttered.

“Was yelling necessary?” Wade grumbled as he sat up and rubbed his eyes with balled-up hands.

“It worked on you.” Jack chuckled while shaking Bob up.

“You’re making me jiggle.” Bob groaned and rolled away from Jack. “I’m up, just takes a big guy a bit to move.”

“Fucking get up, Felix.” Mark was dragging Felix by his feet.

“Just carry me there.” Felix said.

“Hell no, I’m already lugging that suitcase with me. I’m not lugging your ass around as well.” Mark huffed.

“You’re no fun.” Felix blew a raspberry towards Mark, finally getting up along with Bob and Wade.

“I already miss sleeping on the couch.” Wade sighed.

“You’ll be in your own…” Mark stopped his comment when a familiar rattling filled the air.

“If that son-of-a-bitch is back, I will lose it.” Jack turned his head and saw the birds flying away like before. “Shit!”

“Run!” Mark yelled at the others and took off.

“Climb a tree!” Jack yelled over the sound of screeching birds and rodents.

“What’s coming-oh, my God!” Wade cried out when the rhino-like creature charged out from the trees.

“What the fuck is that!?” Bob screamed.

“Just get up a tree!” Jack soon leaped up and grabbed a branch. “I’ll help you guys up!” He added as he hoisted himself up. He quickly stuck a hand down and caught Mark, struggling a little to help him up. He and Jack both started pulling Bob up and saw that Wade was getting up on his own.

“Help!” Felix frantically looked around for a lower branch, but couldn’t find one.

“Jump!” Jack shouted, knowing that by the time Bob was up and safe, there wouldn’t be time to help Felix.

“Fuck my ass!” Felix looked back, seeing that the Rhino was very close. “Fuck it more!” Felix jumped up and caught the branch by the tips of his fingers, not estimating his jump correctly.

“Tuck your ass in!” Wade yelled as he crawled over to Felix. Felix lifted his legs up, barely missing the rhino’s horns, but his fingers slipping off not long after and the man landed on the rhino’s back.

“Felix!” The men called after him and they all climbed back out of the tree as fast as they could.

“Go ahead of me, I’ll catch up.” Bob said to Mark and Jack, knowing that they were faster than him.

“I’ll stay with Bob, go!” Wade said. Mark and Jack didn’t wait before taking off.

Callie leaped off of Jack’s shoulder and went ahead of the men. Jack stepped on top of a dead log and used it to launch himself further with Mark right behind him. They followed the sound and feel of the rhino.

“I don’t know if it’ll be better for Felix to just fall off of the thing.” Mark said, slapping a thin branch out of the way.

“If he falls behind it, he’ll be fine.” Jack covered his face as he went through a wall of leaves.

“Oh...fuck…” Mark gasped for air when they stopped, finding themselves in an open field.

“What is this place, man?” Jack added.

“There’s the rhino and Felix is still on it.” Mark pointed down the field.

“Are those its babies?” Jack asked, seeing smaller versions of the rhino.

“Great. We’re dealing with a raging mama.” Mark sighed. “We’re never gonna get Felix back.

“Shit, Felix is trying to climb off of it.” Jack commented. “What do we do?”

“I honestly have-fuck!” Mark cursed when Felix was bucked off of the rhino.

“When could rhinos buck!” Jack yelled as he started running towards the fallen man.

“Are we seriously questioning this place? I thought we were giving up on that?” Mark said, following Jack.

“Felix! Are you okay!?” Jack stumbled to his knees next to Felix.

“I think all of the air was forced out of my lungs.” Felix wheezed.

“I felt that two days ago when I fell from a tree.” Jack said as he checked for cuts.

“Is he okay?” Mark asked.

“Yeah, the wind got knocked out of him is all. He might be a little sore, though.” Jack answered.

“The rhino does not look happy to see us.” Mark said as the rhino glared at them, loud huffs of air coming from their nose.

“Hey, fuck-face!” Wade called from the other side of the field.

“What is he doing?” Jack asked.

“Come and get me, fucker!” Wade waved his hands and started making crude gestures. The rhino’s attention was now on the other man.

“Wade! Leave!” Mark yelled.

“You want a piece of me you shit! I bet your mother was a rock!” Wade’s face was bright red in fear.

“Just go!” Felix tried to yell, but it came out as a hoarse croak. The rhino blew out more air before charging towards Wade.

“Wade!” The men could only watch as the rhino went towards Wade and they all held their breath as it ran. Wade made one more gesture at the rhino before diving out of the way, making the rhino run back into the forest and into a tree. The tree tilted over along with the rhino.

“Is Felix okay?” Bob asked as he joined the others, carrying all of the bags and suitcase.

“He’s fine, is Wade?” Jack asked, seeing that the man was still on the ground.

“Thank God!” Mark exclaimed when Wade got up and started jogging towards them.

“What the fuck were you thinking!?” Jack scolded Wade when he reached them.

“I just saved your asses is what I was thinking.” Wade said, breathing heavily.

“I bet you pissed yourself.” Felix said, still laying on the ground.

“I almost did, I’ll admit.” Wade said. “I guess I have a better story to tell Molly now when we get back.”

“She’s gonna kick your ass for being so stupid.” Jack said.

“As long as I’m with her, I don’t care.” Wade swallowed as his breathing finally started getting regular.

“You’re not allowed scaring up like that again, understood.” Mark placed a hand on Wade’s shoulder.

“Yes, mom.” Wade chuckled.

“We should get out of here before mama wakes up.” Bob said, watching the two smaller rhinos went over to the large one.

“There’s no way the tree killed her, right?” Jack asked. “I’d feel bad if we left the rhinos mama-less.”

“With how fucking strong she probably is, I give her like ten minutes till she’s up and charging again.” Wade said.

“At least the rhino took us the correct way.” Bob started handing everyone their bags. “We should walk for at least another hour before setting camp to make sure we’re far enough away. I don’t think we’re going to make it the full day after the rhino thing.”

“Will you carry me this time?” Felix asked Mark.

“Hold my bag.” Mark gave Jack his bag before getting Felix on his back. “I’m only doing this for thirty minutes.” He stated.

“I wonder if I could get some floof power.” Felix laughed as he started playing with Mark’s hair, a yelp coming out a second later after Mark dropped him.

“Nope.” Mark continued walking. “You’ve lost your riding privileges.”