#I would have probably screamed at Jayce. Viktor has more patience than me
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I don't think Viktor leaving was rushed. I mean. When your boyfriend transforms you into the thing which killed someone you cared for and you also expressly requested to be destroyed, having already accepted you were going to die -- yeah I'd make that decision pretty quickly too.
#arcane spoilers#arcane#jayvik#jayce talis#I say boyfriend here I know#canon or not you can understand me#arcane season 2#arcane s2#I would have probably screamed at Jayce. Viktor has more patience than me#edit: viktor s1 also probably would have screamed too....#oh dear
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For the ask game! Arcane !
Favorite character: Viktor!!! I know, everyone is sooo surprised but it's true!!
Least favorite character: Okay wow this is really hard actually because Arcane does SUCH a good job with all its characters. Probably Heimerdinger or Sevika. Both of them are down at the bottom for me. Oh, and pretty much every councilor who isn't Jayce or Mel.
5 favorite ships (canon or non-canon):
Jayvik
CaitVi
Sorry I only like these two ships!!! I COULD get on board with MelJayVik I think, given some time and thought, but it's not really a ship I root for. But yeah, I can't even come up with 5 ships I like sorry!!!
Character I find most attractive: Viktor!! What can I say, he's my Type.
Character I would marry: This is a hard one because I want to say Viktor because he IS my favorite, but I think we'd be too similar in some ways to work well. Maybe Mel or Vander? They both have the soft but strong vibe and that's what I need in my life.
Character I would be best friends with: Jayce or Viktor probably. Jayce because he's really personable and honestly, I like having the extrovert friend who can be my buffer in social situations and help me make friends. But I also like the Viktor is the type of friend you could be in a room with and interact or not. He seems like he'd be good for late night conversations or just chilling doing your own thing and not talking for hours, which is EXACTLY the kind of friendship I like best.
Putting the rest of this under a cut because it got so long and anyone who knows me knows I am not concise.
A random thought: I really love how Arcane animates expressions. I made a whole post about Viktor's not too long ago, but this goes for all of them. It's the little nuances in the eyes, eyebrows, mouths, just little things that you don't get in most shows. I swear, they're more expressive than real people.
An unpopular opinion: I'm not sure if this is unpopular, but I see a lot of people talking about Jayce slander, so. I think Jayce is one of the most realistic and human characters in the show. He's living this very human experience of trying his best and people look at him and be like "he's doing a bad job" and YES he is, but he's trying and you know that he's open to changing his perspective and doing better. He's basically in the space that I feel like a lot of people are where, socially, we know we need to do better, so we try it, and we mess up, and I think what a lot of people hate about Jayce is that he takes that risk and often messes up and people don’t have a lot of patience for that. This isn’t to minimize the horrible consequences of many of his actions, but it reminds me of this song where it was like “don’t we all have problems that would be exacerbated by living life in the public eye?” and I think that’s what happens to him here. The higher you go in society, the more dire the consequences of your fuck-ups.
My canon OTP: CaitVi!! If we don't get a kiss at minimum I will scream
My non-canon OTP: JayVik! They're canon in my heart
Most badass character: Vi and Vander for different reasons. I think it's really cool how they're both strong and they're both fighters but they're both motivated by the people they love. Vander to me is badass because he knows what kind of fighting different situations call for, and I think that's a skill that not everyone has. Vi I think takes things a step beyond where Vander was able to go, and she takes action more readily, and instead of stopping the fight because things go horribly wrong, she gets up and approaches it differently.
Most epic villain: I guess the obvious answer here is Silco but genuinely I think he’s an incredible villain, and I liked that we see some of his motivation for what got him to this point
Pairing I am not a fan of: I...really can’t think of one? I guess like Jayce and Mel isn’t one I actively support, so maybe that one? But there’s no pairing in the show I can think of that’s actually like “wow hate that.”
Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): Well if we’re talking trauma...all of them?? Otherwise, I don’t know. I feel so strongly that the writers did a great job with all of the characters - I felt like I could understand their motivations, their personalities, the characters are flawed in a way that makes them relatable...Maybe if I’d known who these characters were in League, it would’ve made a difference to how I saw them, but maybe not. Or maybe I’ll think more critically about them later, but right now, I just think every character is interesting and fun to explore and there’s nothing in the show that I see as the writers really screwing up.
Favorite friendship: Kind of Vi and Ekko? Honestly, I think Ekko is such a great and valuable friend to have PERIOD that I could say anyone and him. But I really liked how Vi and Ekko came back together, how Ekko is loyal but he’s also thoughtful and calculating and intelligent while being vulnerable with certain people. But I think Vi and Ekko specifically are similar in some ways, but the sort of sibling relationship between them is nice.
Character I most identify with: I had a long conversation with my friend about this recently and it’s Viktor. First of all, we have the same haircut. Second, there are a lot of things he does and ways he acts that I really relate to. Like how he does that lighthearted insult thing where it’s like “are you making fun of me” and he’s like “No, I actually wanted to talk to you.” And there’s the aspect of no one believed in me but I did it anyway - every significant thing I’ve ever done has been something I did after almost everyone I knew said I couldn’t or shouldn’t or it wouldn’t work. And I made it happen for myself because I believed I could and I wanted it THAT much. I look for unusual or innovative solutions, especially when there’s a problem I can’t just get out of, and I take a lot of unconventional approaches and put serious thought into what I do, even if in the end, I make an impulsive choice. I also have the same kind of personality where irl people look at me and think I’m this serious introvert but I thrive on humor and wit, and I think it surprises people. I could go on, but you get it.
Character I wish I could be: Well, it’s. Still Viktor. I wish I had more of his positive qualities, like his confidence in himself and his fearlessness in standing up to people and disagreeing openly with them and really believing in himself. Also, I wish I were half that smart. I feel like I’m just saying “I wish I were me but better” and like....it’s true. A little egotistical...
#thank you for this!!#i hoped someone would ask about ar.cane i love it so much#sorry for how rambly it got i just really like talking about this show#rainegrenade#fandom ask game#i'll probably answer all of these over the next few days btw so i'm not ignoring them it just takes a long time to answer#and i have deadlines but i want to give them full answers
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Fic: Go ask for Joy Division [JayceViktor]
A/N: Available @ AO3 too. It’s a modern au and a college au of the college canon. I have no idea how it happened either.
Word Count: 13.522.
Characters/Relationships: Jayce/Viktor.
Rating: T for language.
Summary: Viktor hates him. Jayce doesn’t care, until he does.
Viktor hates him.
It’s a well-known fact around the faculty, not only by their classmates but by their professors too. Jayce can’t say that he faults him, seeing as almost everyone he encounters ends up, in one way or another, disliking him to some extent.
He gets it. He’s not nice. Has never had any interest in being nice. Knowing that he’s better than average and acting the part isn’t a crime, but apparently that makes him arrogant, egotistical and hard to be around. Which okay. Fair enough. He guesses that they’re right. He also guesses that they could be a little less blunt about it, if they know how it feels to be hurt by careless words.
But sure.
Whatever.
Anyway. Viktor hates him. It wouldn’t had mattered at all if they didn’t have to work together on this Machine Perception project and if the way Viktor kept avoiding interaction with him wasn’t getting on his nerves.
Which it was.
Quite badly now that it had been a week of trying to at least pretend that they were working on the same thing, when they hadn’t even so much as talked to each other and Jayce had no idea what the project was even about. He had a general idea, sure, but he had been the one who had gotten paired up with Viktor to back him up on his thing, not the other way around.
It pissed him off but his grade was on the line so whatever.
The thing is, he has no idea why Viktor hates him. Like specifically. He’s aware of being an unpleasant person to be around, sure. He just doesn’t know what he has done to Viktor for him to hate him to the point of turning on his heel and leaving the room at the sight of him.
It occurs to him that he could just, like, ask.
So he does, sneaking behind Viktor at the library as quietly as he can while Viktor’s too busy running a finger down the spine of a book to notice him.
Viktor jumps and drops the books he was already carrying.
So that was a good start.
“I hate you?” he says, his back to Jayce as he picks the books he dropped back up, and honestly.
“You and I both know that I’m not stupid so don’t even try that.”
Viktor sighs, in such a drawn out and exasperated way that Jayce is almost offended. “Okay, fine. You’re not my favorite person in the world. So what.”
His back is still to Jayce even though there’s nothing else for him to retrieve from the floor.
“I can’t remember being rude to you at all. I am rude to people, I know that. But not to you. I don’t think I have ever talked to you before now.”
Viktor turns, and the way he rolls his eyes at him manages to finally get on Jayce's nerves something awful. As if he’s an exasperating child.
“You forgot.”
What.
Jayce frowns, and Viktor barks a laugh, shaking his head. “Of course you forgot.”
The librarian clears her throat. Right. Library. They’re supposed to whisper or something.
Viktor is still grumbling about him forgetting, and Jayce tries to remember whatever the fuck he’s done to Viktor. Unfortunately for him, he usually remembers all his fuck ups pretty well. Being a genius, which he is thanks, doesn’t save him from feeling intense and crippling anxiety and social insecurity once in a while no matter how blasé he seems to be regarding the topic.
But he doesn’t remember Viktor.
“Listen,” he starts, and the librarian clearing her throat sounds closer so he tries again, speaking as quietly as he can. “Listen. I can’t remember that and believe it or not I do remember those things. Can’t you just tell me?”
Viktor takes a deep breath and answers very slowly, as if Jayce is being dense and difficult. He guesses he kind of is. “I’ve realized that I’ve been very immature. Avoiding you is only going to affect our grades and make this project unnecessarily difficult. I, unlike others, can see when I’m wrong. But I don’t see why I should tell you what happened, or why I should speak to you outside the context of the project. Don't bring it up again. Happy, now?”
He almost blurts out that actually, no, he’s not. He’s real fucking pissed, thank you very much. Jayce bites his tongue, manages to just grunt in response, and Viktor seems pleased enough.
“Glad we sorted that out. I’ll tell you what we’re going to do tomorrow after class. I have work to do now. Bye.”
Jayce doesn’t say anything. He stays glued in place as Viktor gathers the books against his chest and brushes past him and out of earshot.
-x-
Viktor hates him.
He now knows approximately how much, after spending two hours feeling his eyes drilling the back of his head.
Has Viktor been doing that for years and he's only noticing now? How the hell hasn't Jayce been aware of this? He feels as if Viktor could melt his head off just by looking.
What has he done to him.
Why can't he remember.
Jayce drums his fingers on the table as Professor Pididly leaves the classroom, waiting for Viktor to come to him to talk about their project. The sooner they get it over with, the better. That way, Viktor won't have to deal with him for long and Jayce will have the rest of the day for himself. It's a win/win situation.
But Viktor isn't coming, and really. He is doing that. Okay.
Jayce stands and turns around, and sure enough there Viktor is, chilling in his sit. Glaring.
At Jayce.
Instead of making things easier for them both.
People who think that Jayce is a fucking jerk have probably never met Viktor.
He makes his way to Viktor pointedly holding his gaze, refusing to be the first to look away. Two can play this stupid ass game.
Jayce reaches him, takes a deep, fortifying, breath and musters all the patience he has. Which isn't much to begin with, but it will have to do if they want to get anywhere.
"Are you going to tell me what the project is about or not?"
Viktor holds a folder up to him. "Machine Perception."
Has Viktor always been a fucking asshole or is this just because it's him.
"Yes. Thanks. Whenever you feel like actually being helpful, I'll be waiting right here," he takes the folder from him anyway. Why not try to ease the process along. Viktor isn't going to be the one to do it, apparently.
He flicks through the contents of the folder with an impending sense of doom.
What he's reading is as dull as can be, boring as it can get, and it doesn't look like what he's read from Viktor at all. Because yes, of course he has read his classmate's stuff until he either decided they weren't on his level or just wasn't interested in what they were working on. Viktor's things, for a change, are both interesting and well written and this is neither of those things.
Jayce closes the folder slowly, inhales deeply, and leaves it on the desk as he exhales.
"You're joking," he says, and Viktor shakes his head. At least he has the decency to look as enthusiastic about the project as Jayce feels. "No. This is all a joke. Viktor. What the fuck."
Viktor directs a sharp look his way before grabbing the folder and leafing through it himself. "I am not. This is what Stanwick assigned."
Jayce tries to be diplomatic. "Fuck Stanwick," he fails. "It's boring and uninspired."
To his surprise, Viktor's lips seem to almost quirk up in a smile but he can't be sure. "It's an assignment, Jayce," he's talking to him in that way that appears to imply that Jayce is incredibly dense. Fantastic. "It's Stanwick. What were you expecting."
From Viktor? In all honesty, something at least the tiniest bit interesting. Jayce isn't stupid, even though that might be up for debate now apparently, and he can recognize talent in his peers. It doesn't happen often but hey. It can. He's just hard to impress. Viktor hasn't impressed him, exactly, but he does have written some things that have made Jayce wonder.
So excuse him for thinking that Viktor would come up with something a little bit more thrilling than the most basic visual perception programming known to humankind. It's his fault, really, for having any kind of expectations at all. On someone who fucking hates him, to top it off.
"Not this," Jayce grimaces at the folder. "From you, at least."
Viktor looks very unimpressed with him. "Well, sorry for not holding up to your expectations," the bitterness of his words can almost be tasted in the air. "What did you want from me, exactly? A mechanical revolution?"
Even he knows that it would be incredibly wrong to tell him that actually, yes. That's kind of what he was expecting.
"You can't possibly be this stupid," Jayce spits, frustrated with both Viktor and the situation, and tries to avoid like. Outright insulting him again after stepping around saying something very wrong. Tries being the operative work, because he's too angry to care. "Actually fuck that. Maybe you are."
Viktor stands and his chair clatters to the floor. He looks, for a second, as if he's going to snap and either hit him or scream at Jayce. He probably deserves it, for all he knows.
But he does neither.
He grabs the folder and his bag and storms out of the classroom.
Jayce frowns at his back as he leaves, and then at the chair on the floor while chewing on his lip.
-x-
Viktor hates him.
Which fine. He's an asshole, anyway. Jayce doesn't care. He does not care about this. He won't think about it, and he will have lunch with Vi and he will pay attention to Vi as she speaks. Sure. He will. Absolutely.
Vi stops talking and as she stares at him waiting for an answer, Jayce realizes that he hasn't registered a single word she's said.
Great.
"You know what? Nevermind. Hydraulics are boring anyway," she flicks a fry his way and Jayce stares as it flops on the table. "Why are you brooding?"
Jayce scoffs. "I am not brooding."
"Right."
Why must everybody attack him like this.
"Just have a boring assignment, is all," Vi stares at him in quiet disbelief.
"You mean as opposed to entertaining and fun assignments, which is what we do on the regular."
Viktor hates him, and he might be coming to the realization that he hates Vi. She does have bright pink hair, which should have been warning enough, all things considered.
Jayce glares at her, and she laughs but raises her hands in surrender. It's okay. He doesn't hate her. She might actually be his only friend, sad as it sounds. Isn't he, though, kind of sad? The lonely genius archetype, only twice as fucked up because the expectations falling on him aren't only related to intellect, but to virtue.
Anyway.
Vi will nag him until she finds out what's really bothering him, so might as well get done with that now.
"Viktor hates me."
Vi gasps. "Stop the presses. Please, tell me more about this brand new development in your life."
"Quit it," Jayce frowns at his plate, his food barely touched, and then at Vi. "I have to work with him and I don't know why he hates me."
Vi blinks at him and Jayce would be happy if people stopped staring at him like that. Like he's daft. She leans over the table and speaks to him not slowly, never her style, but loudly. As if volume will help him understand.
"Viktor has hated your guts since second year, we are in fourth year, there's no reason to care now," Vi leans back, job apparently done, and Jayce grimaces as some heads turn their way. He hopes none of them Viktor's. Is Viktor there? If he is, Jayce decides that he doesn't want to know. "Just do that thing you gotta do and live your life. Whatever."
Jayce knows that Vi's right. She usually is. And yeah. Yes. Absolutely. Whatever. He can do that.
He tries smiling. Judging by Vi's snort he doesn't succeed but at least she's laughing. "Thanks. I guess."
She throws another fry at him.
-x-
Viktor.
Hates.
Him.
And he shouldn't care.
He's trying hard not to care, but it's not easy when he's sitting by his side and leaning away as far as he can. It's, honestly, kind of ridiculous but also kind of hurtful. It's not his fault that he got to class late and there weren't any more free sits. It sucks for him, too, because now he can't concentrate with all the shuffling and rustling around and his notes are shit.
Mix the ???? with idek water? ???
can he stop for two seconds
jesus
Viktor manages to knock his own notebook off the table and Jayce has had enough of this. He leans down, grabs it and hands it to him without as much as glancing his way. He feels Viktor trying to take it, without even thanking him which honestly, but Jayce holds it tighter.
"Can you stop fidgeting?" he whispers, and Viktor grumbles something under his breath but doesn't answer. Jayce takes a look his way. Viktor is glaring at him but nods, and Jayce lets go of his notebook, relieved. "Yeah. Thanks to you too."
He does stop, after that, and Jayce is so thankful he could cry. They are college students, they're supposed to be mature and solve things like adults instead of throwing temper tantrums. Then again, they are also under so much pressure and stress that some days Jayce has trouble with just existing but this situation he has found himself in is...childish. And annoying. And frustrating.
And Viktor is poking his arm with a pen.
"What," he snaps, and Viktor points at the empty front of the class, then at the empty rows of chairs around them.
"Class ended five minutes ago," Viktor hands him a folder, and he suspects it's the same one he went through yesterday but he takes it anyway. "I modified some things, but we're still doing what Stanwick assigned us."
Jayce feels like he should have the impulse to apologize for being a dick to Viktor, but it's just not there. His choice of words might not have been ideal, but he did mean what he said. He stuffs the folder in his bag, cutting that trail of thought before he goes down farther. Not needed now. At all.
"Okay. Whatever. It's technically your project, anyway," he stands, and is about to leave when Viktor laughs. Jayce looks at him, half shocked and half worried. What was that. Has Viktor lost the plot? Should he call 911?
But Viktor looks okay, if a bit tired.
Aren't they all.
Viktor shakes his head. Jayce doesn't know what to make of his expression. It's too ambiguous for him to decipher, and he doesn't know Viktor that well. "Yes. My project. Sure."
Well that's cryptic. It sure isn't Jayce's.
Viktor busies himself with his own bag and Jayce frowns at his nape.
It wouldn't be the first time that a professor uses a student. If anything, Stanwick is infamous amongst students for doing exactly that. As far as Jayce knows, he's gotten himself well positioned in college by having a good publication quota, mostly consisting of students' works published under his name.
If he's doing that now, Jayce doesn't see the point in making Viktor do something so simple but who knows what can be going on. Viktor might not be his favorite person in the world, he might not be Viktor's, but if something like that is happening then.
Well.
He's not about to let Stanwick just. Do that.
Viktor is standing up, and Jayce reaches out and grabs his arm on a whim. Viktor blinks down at his hand and frowns.
"What are you doing."
"Is Stanwick using your work?" now that expression he can read, mostly because he's been the main recipient of it for years.
Anger, hot in Viktor's eyes.
"What the fuck are you implying," what the fuck were you implying, is what Jayce would really like to know, but he just lets go of Viktor and clears his throat, feeling suddenly awkward.
It is a very grave accusation with many implications, after all. One of which that Viktor is letting Stanwick use his work.
And he's just tossed it right there.
"The way you said that it was your project. Didn't sound very like it was...your...project?" it wasn't meant to be a question, but. "I don't know."
Viktor huffs a laugh, harsh and raspy."And you care about that now?"
That's weird, and makes absolutely no sense to him, but he guesses that the only way to deal with the situation is pushing ahead.
"Yes? I have always cared," wrong thing to say. Wrong. Very wrong. Viktor doesn't storm off, and he doesn't know if he should be thankful, but absolutely one hundred percent wrong.
Because Viktor deflates, instead, and the lack of anger makes him look empty in a way that makes Jayce uncomfortable.
"Okay. Whatever. Don't bring that topic up again. We have to work on this, like it or not. Please, try not to make it any more difficult."
He would like to know if he's going to see the mediocre piece of crap they're most likely going to produce published under Stanwick's name somewhere, mostly because he is going to be working on it too, but for once he gets that he has to keep his mouth shut.
"Fine. Sorry about that. Just," he stutters, suddenly lost on what to say. He looks at Viktor and all he sees is another exhausted student. Jayce is aware that he is, to some degree, projecting, but he revels in the idea that someone is as done with all the shit they they have to endure as he is. "I don't know."
Not his most lucid moment, he'll admit.
Viktor sighs, worn."I have marked your part and mine. We can put them together after class tomorrow. I believe it won't take longer than that for you to finish it, but tell me otherwise."
He leaves without waiting for an answer.
-x-
Viktor hates him.
But he's left a sticky note with his phone number inside the folder, and a note in pointy and tiny handwriting.
just in case something important comes up
So Jayce figures it's best if Viktor has his number too.
Just in case something important comes up.
He texts Viktor that, and Viktor doesn't text back. It's okay, he wasn't expecting him to.
As predicted, his part of the project was easy. Dull. Boring. A chore that thankfully was done in a couple of hours. They have a month to finish this project and Jayce wonders, staring at the ceiling in his bed, if Stanwick really thinks that this would take a month to make or if he just wants to push grading off.
Maybe it's both.
It's okay, though, he kind of had a lot of work to catch up to that has been taken care of. But now that he has no work to do, he has free time. Which means thinking.
Which no, thanks.
He grabs his phone from the bedside table.
No texts. Surprising absolutely no one.
Vi does text him, sometimes, but she mostly sends pictures of ridiculous shit she finds around campus and thinks is funny or spams him until she lures him into a useless conversation. Jayce might complain about it, but he's thankful for that.
It's kind of the only social interaction he has outside of talking to professors, that doesn't count, and being insulting without actually meaning to.
He's a lonely bugger, isn't he. It's kind of sad. It's a pity that he isn't as smart when socializing as he is in everything else. But talking to people is hard, and trying to tell them that they want to hear is harder.
Maybe that's why he gets along with Vi, she just doesn't care about his ego. When he told her that her Fighting Gauntlet design was unrealistic and childish, she laughed in his face and went ahead and built it anyway. And the gauntlet actually worked, the clunky and awful thing.
His phone buzzes.
viktor: are you done?
Jayce snorts, answers that he is, and blocks his phone to try and sleep, if only a little bit, but it goes off again. And again. And again. Vi. Of course.
Piltovers Finest:hey nerd
Piltovers Finest: u awake
Piltovers Finest: idc actually viktors asleep in the library
Piltovers Finest: want me to draw on his face?????????
me: vi wtfdont do that he texted me hes not asleep
Piltovers Finest: party pooper
Piltovers Finest: anyway
Piltovers Finest: HE TEXTYED U???!??!?!?!!?!?! ! ! !1 1 11?
me: chill he texted about the project
Piltovers Finest: ok right
Piltovers Finest: yeah hes alive
Piltovers Finest: nice glare on this one.
me: 7/10 would be more effective if he combed his hair once in a while
Piltovers Finest: how very str8 of u
me: exactly as str8 as u im afraid
He can feel himself relax, used to the back and forth, and he yawns and stretches. His phone is still buzzing but the sound is becoming more and more distant as he drifts off.
-x-
Viktor hates him.
It doesn't sound as catastrophic today, with Vi handing him a paper cup full of coffee.
"You fell asleep on me yesterday," she says, and Jayce shrugs as she slaps his arm with a tiny notebook. "Rude. Anyway, Viktor talked to me."
Jayce raises an eyebrow at her in question as he takes a sip. It talks, apparently.
Vi clears her throat and drops her voice to a deep, scruffy, tone. "Violette, isn't it? Your take on demolition methods is quite interesting."
Jayce snorts. "What the hell. Is that how he flirts?"
"I don't think so," she says, and shrugs. "I think he was genuinely trying to compliment me in a non-flirty way? You know, like. Hey dude nice job. But more high class."
"Stuck up, you mean."
She hits him with the notebook again. "Yeah. Let's pretend you don't talk exactly like that too."
"What did you say?"
"Nice topic change," she quips, elbowing him, and Jayce rolls his eyes but doesn't argue. "I just thanked him, and he left. I'm not sure it really happened, honestly. It was like two in the morning."
Jayce's phone goes off and Vi steals his coffee while he tries to fish it out of his pocket. Which fair enough, she bought it and went to sleep at fuck all in the morning for all he knows. She casually leans over, reading over his shoulder as they walk.
viktor: cant make it to class
viktor: meet me at the cafeteria after
"Hey, someone's got a hot date," she smirks, and Jayce shoots back a quick ok Viktor's way as he groans and stops in front of his classroom's building. "Maybe he'll comb his hair for that, but I have a feeling you like him messy."
Jayce grunts. "Don't even joke about that. Please don't," Vi wiggles her eyebrows and finger guns him as she walks away and towards her own building. Jayce flips her the bird.
"See you later, lover boy. Be good," she yells, and Jayce rushes inside to avoid having to feel people looking his way.
-x-
Viktor hates him.
And, judging by how he keeps pushing it around instead of eating it, he hates food too.
"You said you were done with your part," Viktor leaves the fork on the table, apparently done with pretending to eat, and Jayce nods and takes the folder out of his bag to hand it to Viktor but he doesn't take it. "Do you want to check my part?"
Jayce blinks at him, then frowns. "Seriously? You hate my guts but trust me to do that?"
"I never said that you were bad at what you do," Jayce guesses that he's right, and isn't willing to push anyway. He's having a good day. With coffee, and morning talks with Vi, and has had class with a professor that he likes. All in all, things could be going worse and he's not about to be the one making them more difficult for himself.
Today, that is.
"Yeah, sure. Whatever. I'll check it, then you check it all," Viktor leaves his own folder on the table, and as Jayce puts them both in his bag he glances covertly at him while Viktor looks down at his plate. He hasn't combed his hair, and he's tempted to snap a picture and send it to Vi, but that would be creepy as fuck. He also looks even more tired than yesterday, and Jayce feels a tiny bit bad for not asking how he is at all.
He's not the best at social interaction. The worst, probably. But come on.
"Hey, Viktor," he frowns at Jayce, and he almost chickens out of asking but. He's already started, might as well. "You don't look great. Something up?"
You don't look great. Good one.
But Viktor doesn't seem offended, he only looks concerned. As if Jayce is the one who looks like he's had half an hour of sleep and is about to pass out.
"No? A lot of work to do, nothing new. Why the sudden interest on my well being?"
"It's not sudden," Viktor directs a very unimpressed look his way, Jayce rolls his eyes. "Okay, fine. It is kind of sudden but in my defense we have never talked before. Whatever you say about me forgetting, I know that much."
"I..." Viktor hesitates and looks back down at the table, chewing on his lip. Jayce is very weirded out by how civil they're managing to be. Probably jinxed it by thinking that, but it's remarkable. "I actually am very tired. Hence you checking it before me. Everything is...kind of blurry, right now."
Viktor looks up and gestures vaguely around them, and Jayce blinks at him in horror. This cannot be real. He's asleep. Or worse. He should have suspected when his day hadn't gone to shit five minutes into it, but he got too confident and now he's in an alternate reality in which Viktor is kind of nice and human and has eyestrain.
"Are you sure that's all there is to it because you're being very nice and it's creeping me out a little bit," he asks, and Viktor huffs.
"Yes, Jayce, I am sure that I am merely tired and need a nap before I collapse. Which is what I'm going to go do right now."
"Collapse?" Viktor glares at him as he gets up, but it lacks bite and Jayce smirks. "You are."
"Probably, yes. Tell me when you're done proofreading that. It's incredibly dull and boring, by the way, just so you know."
"I'm aware," Viktor stands with his bag carelessly hanging from a shoulder for a second, uncertainly staring at Jayce as if unsure of what to do. He usually just...ups and leaves. Jayce guesses that it's odd to change the pattern, and he's left looking up at him as an awkward silence stretches between them. Until he can't deal with it anymore and decides that taking matters into his own hands can save them a lot of time. "Eh. See you around, then?"
Viktor nods, still looking tense, and kind of waves as he leaves. It's too vague a gesture to be certain, but Jayce guesses that it's a path in the right direction.
Where that path leads, he doesn't know.
He does know that their project is the most boring thing he's read in his life. Pretty decent, all things considered, and by the time he's done revising it there's not much he's had to correct but the only thing keeping him from falling asleep is being in the library, out in the open where everyone can see him. He itches to tweak it to try and make it at least the tiniest bit interesting, but it's not his place to do so.
Jayce shoots Viktor a text and starts working on something different instead until his afternoon class of the day starts.
Just to keep busy.
And. Avoid thinking about things. The usual deal.
Artificial intelligence and the perception of the self, what's up with that.
His phone buzzes while he's in the middle of building a pretty solid argument and thank God for that because he was about to miss class.
viktor: you have class now?
me: ye
viktor: when do you get out? i can get the folders and check it tonight
viktor: also where
me: around eight i guess class 1.2 tech building b
me: wait
me: tonight???? wtf sleep maybe??????????????
viktor: i did that, that is done
viktor: i want to finish this asap
viktor: i hate it and i want it done and gone
me: fine but dont blame me if you collapse again
viktor: i'll be there to get them don't leave if i'm late
Jayce trips on his way to class and he wonders if knowing that reading his text almost made him fall would make Viktor happy. It could. Though he doesn't think he's ever seen Viktor showing anything but anger, exhaustion and mild discomfort. But that might be because he is him, and Viktor hates him, and being around someone you hate is usually infuriating, tiresome and awkward.
Does he hate Viktor?
He sits and crosses his arms on the table, frowning at the blackboard.
Does he?
The professor is talking, he's distantly aware of that, but he lets his words act as background noise for his own thoughts. This class isn't exactly riveting, anyway.
So does he, or does he not? He can't say he enjoys his presence much, but they haven't talked a lot. He's read some of Viktor's texts, essays and such from classes they share, and most of them are good. Innovative. The fact that he doesn't like being with him that much can also be due to Viktor hating him, and hence acting like people do when they hate someone.
It's complicated, and Jayce might not hate Viktor but he hates socializing and its little nuances with a passion.
Viktor is already waiting by the door when he walks out of the classroom.
Jayce analyzes what he feels upon seeing him.
The tense line of his shoulders make him ache with empathy. The way he holds himself, as if trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, clashes with the passionate way he's seen him talk. He looks more rested than that morning but still weary and worn, and Jayce worries. He also glares at Jayce for a second before his gaze softens the slightest bit, and he guesses that he can consider that progress. His hair remains uncombed and Jayce feels the tiniest bit fond at the familiarity of it, if slightly alarmed.
There's nothing there that would suggest that he hates him. Mostly that he knows him, that he worries about him because Viktor hasn't, after all, done nothing to harm him, and that he can relate to people in his situation. It also tells him that there is a contradiction between what he's seeing now in Viktor's posture and his attitude with Jayce, which could mean many things, but he won't duel on that.
Not now.
"Hey," he says, handing Viktor the folders, and he takes them with a nod. "I didn't correct much. Just a couple things here and there, in both parts. They're marked, you'll see them."
"Do you want to go over it again once I'm done? Honestly, I don't think it will be necessary but if you want to, you could," he ends the sentence as if it's a question and Jayce snorts. He doesn't want to read all that again. Ever. Let Stanwick deal with that.
"No, thanks. I trust you on this. It's boring as fuck, but it's pretty decent for a mediocre work."
Viktor nods. Then he looks at the folders, frowns, takes a deep breath and exhales slowly. "I'm sorry."
What.
Jayce stares at Viktor as he keeps on looking at the folders as if they hold every answer to every question ever asked.
W h a t.
"What."
"You heard me, don't be obnoxious."
He has been sucked into a worm hole and ended up in another universe.
Oh no. How is he going to get back to his regular plane of existence, where Viktor hates him and he doesn't apologize and everything is as it should be.
Viktor runs a hand through his hair and Jayce clears his throat, still stunned and feeling a bit dizzy. This reality might be better than that other one. Maybe.
"I don't know why you're apologizing, but okay?" he shrugs and laughs, nervous.
"Everything, I suppose. You just...no matter what happened, you seem to be kind of okay." Viktor speaks, once again, very slowly. As if he's a child and won't understand otherwise. It annoys him less than expected, the feeling dulled by shock.
"You too, I guess? "
Viktor half smiles at him and Jayce is having an out of body experience, probably. He pinches himself, discreetly, and he's awake. Fine.
"I'm going to go over that now, before it gets too late" Viktor says, and Jayce nods half dazed. "See you around, then."
Jayce stares at Viktor as he walks away and pats his pockets to get his phone.
me: vi is this all real
Piltovers Finest: wtf long answer or short answer
me: short
Piltovers Finest: yes but(t)
me: viktor maybe doesn't hate me?????
Piltovers Finest: omg
Piltovers Finest: jayce
Piltovers Finest: is this all real
me: i dont know
-x-
Viktor maybe doesn't hate him.
It's kind of a work in progress - probably.
Jayce is still racking his brain trying to find out what he did to him to make him so angry, but it's no use. They never talked before he confronted Viktor in the library, and he can't seem to be able to place him in his ever growing list of social screw-ups.
He looks around the classroom and almost every face lights a memory up, embarrassment and guilt biting at him as he recalls. He can remember it all, in shameful technicolor, but whatever happened with Viktor remains in the shadows and it's bothering him. it must have been pretty big, yet there's no trace of it in his mind.
Why.
Other students start standing and leaving, and Jayce follows on autopilot.
Maybe nothing happened. Or maybe it was nothing to Jayce, but everything to Viktor.
Even if they never talked, not even once.
Maybe it's because Jayce never approached him.
Maybe he should stop thinking about it and take in his surroundings because he almost ran over a trash can and his phone is ringing?
His phone is ringing.
Right.
He answers without even checking the caller id. If they're calling, it must be his mom or Vi.
"Hello," says Viktor instead.
Jayce freezes in the middle of the corridor, and someone yells asshole at him but he doesn't care.
Viktor's called him.
What the hell.
"Hey. What's up," he tries for casual but he knows, deep inside his soul, that he's sounded cringry.
"Done proofreading. I'm going to run a test to see if it works and hand it to Stanwick," Jayce doesn't get why he couldn't just have texted that, but okay. Fine. Whatever.
Actually, kind of worrying. "Why haven't you texted that?"
It probably comes out harsher than he intended and Jayce grimaces. Viktor scoffs.
"Eyestrain. Again. Can't text right now, don't think it would be legible."
Does Viktor never sleep? Not that Jayce can call anyone out on that but honestly.
"Okay. Just. Take a nap, then run the test, then off with it, ok?"
"I'll take a nap if I want to," he pauses, and Jayce knows that he shouldn't scold him. He isn't his mom, and again - his sleep schedule is likely as bad as Viktor's. "But yes, that actually sounds like a good idea. Will tell you how it goes later."
He hangs up without waiting for Jayce to answer. He does that a lot, but Jayce doesn't think he minds. The conversation was over and it takes a lot of pressure off himself, since he doesn't have to come up with ways to end it and it saves them the awkwardness of having to make small talk.
Speaking of awkward things.
me: viktor called me
me: bcus eyestrain apparetnly
Piltovers Finest: nice excuse
me: shut it
me: anyway
me: do you call people you hate?
Piltovers Finest: no jayce i do not call people i hate
Piltovers Finest: but who knows hes very odd
Piltovers Finest: did he ask what you were wearing
me: yea how did u kno
me: fuck off
Piltovers Finest: question remains unanswered
Jayce decides that that is how it will remain forever, and pockets his phone before Vi keeps nagging him.
By the time Viktor calls again, Jayce is trying to sleep himself and a quick glance at the screen reveals twenty three unread texts from Vi.
"It works. I'm handing it in tomorrow."
"Cool. Did you take a nap?" Viktor huffs.
"Yes, mother. I took a nap. Everything is still a little blurry, so I called."
"Maybe you need glasses."
Jayce can't see him, but he can almost feel Viktor's glare.
"Maybe you need to shut up."
"Yes. Sleep."
Viktor hangs up on him, for the second time in a day, but Jayce doesn't really mind. He calls Vi, instead, and she picks up almost immediately.
"Fuck you, Jayce."
"Hello to you too," he smiles, and she snorts. "How you doing?"
"Fine. Going to sleep, very tired, but okay. Don't have grumpy friends calling me in the middle of the night. Hey, wait. I do. Lucky me."
"He called again."
"He is very odd."
"He is."
There's a pause, a beat of comfortable silence.
"Hey, check your texts. Good night, nerd," Vi says, and she hangs up on him, too.
Jayce opens his texts to see that she's been spamming him with random crap on and off for hours until her last text, that's a very blurry picture of her middle finger.
-x-
Viktor might not hate him?
He sits with his laptop in the library, pointedly ignoring the withering looks thrown his way. It's how things are for him, being that he's pissed off more than half of the student body in the faculty and the half that he hasn't knows him anyway.
It's not his ego talking, it's a fact. Rumor spreads easily, and he's been around college for long enough to notice how, with each passing year, the looks increase in volume and there are kind of more whispering voices when he's around.
Vi usually argues that it is, in fact, his self-esteem plummeting down into the abyss but he doesn't like to think about that. She's wrong, anyway, because if anything it's his self-esteem getting him into every possible mess. He's as arrogant as he's smart, or so he's been told.
Anyway.
He's got work to do, and he tries to stay focused on it but his mind drifts and it occurs to him that, now that the project has been taken care of, there's no reason for him and Viktor to keep talking. He frowns at the screen, fingers frozen over the keyboard. The idea doesn't sit well with him, for some reason. Maybe it's because he's lonely. The Big Theme of his life, apparently.
He shuts the lid of his laptop and rubs his eyes with a groan.
It's not just that. Jayce has to admit that he's also curious. He now wants to know whether or not Viktor hates him, and what he did to make him angry in any case. It's kind of stupid, he doesn't need any more things to beat himself over in the social screw-ups department, yet not knowing is somehow worse. He's never been good at dealing with uncertainty.
Yet Viktor told him that he shouldn't bring it up again, and being that he isn't sure about where they stand now asking might not be the wiser choice.
Because, as he did before, he could. Like. Ask.
But.
Viktor's boundaries. Those are important. Jayce is not that much of an asshole, and if he doesn't want to talk about it. Well.
Jayce will have to either wait until he does, or endure.
Someone sits by his side, and speaking of the devil. There Viktor is, and he drops a bunch of books on the table before waving at Jayce and mouthing a greeting. Funny, how now that Jayce hasn't pissed him off he seems to care about staying silent in the library.
"Hey," Jayce answers, a bit louder than might be advised but fuck it. "What's up?"
Viktor looks around while he sits, apparently trying to see if the librarian is in the vicinity, and points at the books with a shrug. "Turned in the assignment. Working on something new."
Jayce leans to read the titles of Viktor's books and can't puzzle a topic together. They range from basic robotics to cognitive science, with a dash of philosophy thrown in the mix. He could be researching anything at all.
"On what?" Viktor looks at him, and Jayce kind of wants the words back because Viktor isn't glaring at him, but he feels like he's being dissected. He has no idea what Viktor is looking for, or what he'll find, but he hopes he does it soon because it's not a nice feeling.
Viktor relents, finally, and opens a book and a tiny notebook. "Self-concept in artificial intelligence. That's...the main topic, anyway."
Jayce snorts, and Viktor turns to him with a frown. "No. Wait, give me a second," he opens his laptop and the document he was working on the other day, and makes the screen face Viktor. "We are kind of working on the same thing? Read this."
Viktor's frown deepens. "When did you start working on this?"
"Two days ago, I think. Document creation date should be around there, somewhere," he's...a bit offended by Viktor's mistrust. But Viktor seems to relax, and Jayce guesses that it was a false alarm. He doesn't know much about him, and content theft is nothing new in academia. Jayce can't exactly fault him for being cautious, no matter how much it stings. "What are you focusing on?"
Viktor leans back on his chair, and Jayce is almost stunned to see a soft smile on his face. He's ruled out the alternate reality hypothesis but. Might have done that too soon.
"We usually think of self-concept in a human way. But what we create isn't human, and shouldn't be as far as I am concerned," Viktor looks relaxed, yet enthusiastic and it's the first time that Jayce has heard Viktor talking like this. As if every word he's saying matters, and as if Jayce is fully capable of understanding them. As if he's talking to someone he wants to be talking to. "I wonder if artificial intelligences can have a concept of the self different than ours, unique to their condition, being that we as humans create them."
Though fairly simple, Jayce finds that his words are interesting. If nothing else, it's nice to have someone to talk to. Vi's more into the pragmatic aspects of engineering, after all, and she indulges Jayce but doesn't discuss much when he comes up with topics like this.
"It's a matter of artificial consciousness," he says, and Viktor nods in a way that stuns Jayce because there's enthusiasm there, there's more than vague distaste and glaring, and he mouths exactly and Jayce finds himself smiling as he talks. "Which isn't new, but it also depends on the concept of consciousness we're going to use, or the proposals we follow. And most ways we have to test it are based on human consciousness, anyway."
"Yes. The debate isn't new, and there are many takes, but as far as I can see we're focused on human concepts. Imagination, memory, anticipation. It's logical, because we think in terms that make sense to us, and we program in ways that fit those terms."
Jayce leans towards Viktor, and Viktor looks at him with interest. "But how can we not? We are human, deconstruction of the self doesn't grant dehumanization. Since we build them, them building others doesn't fix the problem of everything being biased."
"And we tend to want to distance ourselves from the non-human, anyway. The mere idea of them thinking in executable programs, numbers, is abhorrent to us. We want them to evolve past that, but have we thought about why?"
This is the longest conversation they've had. After the project. The one thing that was the link between them, the only reason for them to talk and be civil around each other at all. Jayce feels kind of giddy.
"You sound like you've been reading up on this," Jayce says, and Viktor smirks. His chest tightens.
"Maybe, but this is still pretty basic," the librarian clearing her throat sounds alarmingly close, and Viktor winces. "I've researched this, before, but it still draws me in."
He shrugs. "I get it. If you ever want to talk about it, just. I don't know. I like the topic?"
Smooth.
Viktor, though, doesn't seem to mind. He smiles, worn out as they are but still making Jayce's heart speed up, and nods. "I will."
-x-
Viktor probably doesn't hate him.
But Jayce can't be sure.
They've talked a lot during the week, yet he feels like Viktor is keeping him at a safe distance. Which okay, he can respect that, it's just that it's somehow a distance that involves not trusting him.
He's noticed some things Viktor does, when they talk. Viktor only discusses simple and basic things about his research with him, never tells him the actual topic, and tends to cut their conversations short when Jayce feels like they're getting to the interesting parts. He didn't care much, at first, but with time it's been getting worse.
Or maybe he's getting better at noticing, or the sting of Viktor's suspicion is getting harder to ignore. Either way, he'd like to start considering Viktor his friend but it's hard when he's wary of how much he actually knows him, or how genuine Viktor might be around him.
Jayce snorts, rubbing his eyes as he walks through campus towards the dorms.
As if the word genuine means shit.
It's still odd, because it's as if the situation calls for them to start getting more comfortable around each other and build some trust, but the opposite is happening instead. Since Jayce keeps noticing Viktor's mistrust, his own discomfort makes him snappish and uncertain. He doesn't know what to say, or how to say it, and more often than not he feels like their interactions are lackluster and too tied to academic matters.
Jayce doesn't want that. For whatever reason, that he should try to think about actually but keeps refusing to. Enough introspection for a day, thank you very much.
Vi is sitting on his desk when he enters his room. She beams at him.
Something is going on.
"Guess what," she says, sobering up, and Jayce sits on the chair by the desk.
"What," Vi drops her phone on Jayce's hands, and he takes it and sees Viktor's name in the screen. Under contacts. "How."
"Just asked him for it," she shrugs, as if life is just a silly simple thing and you can ask for things and get them without any fuss, and nudges him with a foot. "Read the texts."
He does.
Vi texted Viktor that Jayce was moping around because he was being mean to him, and Jayce has a second to feel mortified before reading Viktor's answer.
Oh God.
He gives the phone back and covers his face with his hands, blushing harder than ever in his life.
Because Vi said that, and then Viktor texted a winking emoji back, and for some reason Jayce finds that endearing and he's a fucking idiot.
Vi's laughing, at him and his misery, and he uncovers his face just to slap her knee.
"But that isn't all. See, your fifty year old friend knows how to use emojis and he also said this," she clears her throat. "Tell him that I just need time."
Jayce frowns, and looks up at Vi so fast that he feels slightly dizzy.
"What does that mean."
Vi blinks at him and snorts. "Hell if I know, figured you would."
"I have no idea what he's talking about."
She smirks and Jayce doesn't like how that looks one bit. "Right. I'll buy that for now, sure. Why not," Jayce gives her the finger, but she just chuckles and leans back on the desk."You could also ask him what he means, you know? Asking usually makes things easier."
Jayce huffs. "Right. Easy as that."
"Yeah. Sometimes it is. Anyway. I just sneaked up here to catch you after class and see your reaction live," she gives him a thumbs up as she jumps off the desk and strides to the door. "Great performance, by the way, will be back for more."
He throws a shoe at the door when it closes behind her, and can hear her snickering through the wood.
What she said, though, that doesn't leave.
Just ask him. Right. Just. Ask him.
What could go wrong.
Everything, a grave voice echoes in his head. Alright, Jayce answers, and he reaches for his phone.
me: what do you need time for
Viktor usually takes hours to answer when he isn't already texting, and Jayce locks his phone to try and do some reading but it buzzes immediately after he leaves it on the desk.
viktor: trust
me: okay
me: you couldve told me instead of vi you know
viktor: yes. easier this way
me: why are you telegraphing me
viktor: busy
viktor: but this was important
viktor: back to work now
me: okay i guess just talk to me? idk viktor i - Jayce pauses before hitting send or writing anything else, chewing on his lips.
He what.
Wants to be his friend? They aren't ten. Wants Viktor to trust him? That's not for him to control or demand. He's there for him? They can't even hold a conversation without things getting awkward.
So he what.
Jayce takes a deep breath, and backtracks.
me: okay. take your time, i can wait
-x-
Viktor kind of doesn't hate him, maybe.
He just needs time to trust him, and Jayce is trying to be patient.
Another week, and things seem to be the same, but he won't push. It's being hard, yet he's managing to endure. Vi's proud of him.
Jayce reads the same sentence he's already read around ten times, and registers exactly the same as the other ones. Nothing at all. His mind is drifting today, and he's getting nothing done, and it's a pity because this paper he's found is actually interesting.
Who wrote it, again?
He checks, and Stanwick Pididly's name mocks him under the title.
It doesn't add up, it's far beyond Stanwick's level and way more absorbing than anything he's said in his life, and Jayce's stomach drops.
Something's nagging at him in the back of his mind, faint but insistent, and Jayce frowns but can't focus. He takes a picture of the title and the author instead, and sends it Viktor's way with a bunch of question marks.
There's a cold, insistent, feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach that grows as more hours than usual pass without an answer from Viktor. It's unspecified, and completely out of place, and Jayce doesn't understand why he's so anxious and afraid when nothing has happened.
Until Viktor calls.
"Why would you do something like this?" he says, and he sounds furious and Jayce doesn't know what's happening, but his chest tightens in fear. "Was it funny, pretending that you didn't know until now?"
"What are you talking about?"
Viktor laughs, mirthless, and Jayce cringes. "You sent me that picture, you tell me what I'm talking about."
"I don't know, Viktor. I honestly have no idea what this is all about," he tries to sound calm, but his voice trembles and he hates it.
"Sure," is all Viktor says before hanging up on him, and Jayce stays with his phone glued to his ear for what feels like an eternity, until it's sweaty and hot, and his fear and discomfort morph into anger and confusion and, eventually, into the crippling, claustrophobic, feeling of being alone.
He tries to take deep breaths, doesn't tell Vi anything because he doesn't want her involved in this...whatever this is. He's fucked up so many times with so many people, and all those times he's known what he's done wrong.
But this time Jayce is lost, and the situation seems completely out of his control.
-x-
Viktor hates him.
It's four in the morning, and Viktor hates him.
Jayce laughs, wet and messy, and tries not to cry because fucking Viktor fucking hates him and he thought that they could be friends and he kind of likes how dry witted and passionate and odd he is.
He tries to ignore how sad and angry he is, but it's hard, because that's all he seems to be able to do now. Be sad, be angry, and hate himself for screwing up.
He grabs his phone on impulse and laughs again, shocked, when he realizes that he's actually crying. Well. Cool.
Whatever.
me: im Just ,,so sorry
me: i hoonest;ly dont know wHat .i did i rreally canT reme..mber i dont know what happened
me: ujst taalk to mee, please
me: ii thoouhTT that it was wya ,over stanwick's levvel and htat's why i toook the hpicture ??????'
viktor: jesus jayce
viktor: its 4 in the morning
me: so ssorry
viktor: what room are you in
me: 394
me: i rreeally aem sorry
Viktor doesn't answer, and Jayce lays there feeling miserable and confused for what feels like eons until someone knocks on the door, and he swears he's going to kill Vi if she's somehow managed to sense his sadness and come running to him at fuck all in the morning.
But it's not Vi.
It's Viktor.
He looks exactly how Jayce feels, which is exhausted and miserable and furious, and Jayce lets him in with a question on the tip of his tongue but lacking the force of will to ask.
Viktor glares at him, intense and burning, and Jayce realizes distantly that he has been crying for hours and it must show. Shit.
"What are you trying to do, Jayce?"
"Nothing? Fuck, Viktor, do I look like I'm trying to pull shit on you?" Viktor looks at him, then, really looks at him, and Jayce watches in silence as his mouth drops open and his eyes widen.
"I really don't understand what's happening."
Jayce doesn't, either, but someone's going to have to try and make sense of it.
"Stanwick couldn't have wrote that, and I was...I don't know? I texted you cause I felt like something was off but couldn't pinpoint what," he pauses, takes a deep breath. "And then you called, and I have no idea what's going on."
Viktor laughs, shaky, and he walks back until he hits Jayce's bed with the back of his legs and sits on it. He stares at his own hands as he speaks. "You really forgot. You honest to God forgot all about it."
Jayce is very tired. "Forgot all about what, exactly."
"Stanwick didn't write that, I did," Viktor says, and Jayce is stunned into silence. "I was...naive, and stupid. Back in second year, I sent that to Stanwick and you to proofread. You never answered, and Stanwick published it under his name."
Wait.
He sent it to him? To Jayce?
"When I spoke up against him, nobody believed me. I...kind of expected you to back me up, but you didn't."
Jayce wants to laugh but it would be very wrong.
"I never got it," Viktor looks up at him, eyes wide but wary, and Jayce rubs his eyes and holds his gaze as steadily as he can. "You...got my mail wrong, I don't know, but I never got it."
Viktor runs a hand through his hair. Jayce is half glad and half concerned that the gesture is now so familiar to him.
"You are telling me that I've been holding a grudge against you for two years for no reason at all."
Jayce decides that he doesn't care anymore, fuck it all, and laughs. "Yes, Viktor, that's what you've done."
Viktor groans, drawn out and heartfelt, and Jayce shares the sentiment. "You thought that I hated you."
"I did," Jayce feels like all his energy has ran out, and he sits by Viktor's side on his mattress and flops on it with his arms open. Viktor looks down at him, looking worried, and Jayce can't contain a fit of weak laughter. "I really did think that you hated me, yes."
Viktor doesn't say anything for what feels like a very long time, but Jayce might just be sleep deprived, tired, and a bit dizzy with relief and time doesn't work quite as well as it does when he's lucid.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know," Jayce kind of shrugs as best as he can laying there, and Viktor bites his lip and sighs. "I don't hate you, if that...means anything at all?"
"Yeah. It's cool, Viktor. You're an idiot, but it's okay."
To his credit, Viktor doesn't seem to take offense. Jayce keeps looking at him because he cannot believe that he's real. Who even sends things to proofread to people they don't even know, then holds a grudge for years without proof that anything actually happened at all.
But Stanwick did steal his work, and he guesses that Viktor wasn't exactly thinking clearly. He doesn't think he'd acted any better in his position.
Or that there is a better or worse way to act, as a matter of fact. It's...complicated.
What Jayce wants right now is that mess to stay in the past, away from them, and move on. ��
"Did you really program an AI that was self-aware?" Viktor blinks down at him, and nods. Jayce whistles. "Did it actually reprogram itself or was that Stanwick talking shit?"
Viktor huffs a laugh. Jayce is pleased. "He beautified it, I'm afraid. The program wanted to upgrade itself, and seemed to be aware of the fact that it was a program and non-human."
"Why did it want to upgrade itself? Programmed for that?"
"Not specifically. It tried to reprogram itself, but it didn't know how. The code just...wasn't there. But it kind of told me why it was trying to reprogram. You know, as well as a simulation can."
Jayce feels like he could fall asleep, not because he's bored but because Viktor isn't mad at him, and he doesn't hate him, and he's calm for a change. "Why?"
Viktor smiles, fondly, as he remembers and Jayce's heart skips a beat. "It felt obsolete, and it wanted to be the best it could be even if there was no standard set."
That is impressive, even more than an AI reprogramming itself. You write that into its code, after all.
"Did it have a name?"
His pinky grazes Viktor's leg and Jayce feels oddly at ease. Viktor smiles, again, and Jayce's chest tightens and he'd like to know what that is all about but he's too sleepy for that now.
"Blitzcrank," Viktor says, and he sounds like Jayce has never heard him. "Its name was Blitzcrank."
-x-
Viktor doesn't hate him.
Jayce wakes up, and his body feels all wrong. His eyes are puffy and hurt, and his mouth is dry, and his head feels like it's full of cotton.
But he turns his it, and there Viktor is, and Jayce remembers and feels flustered but...okay. Kind of relieved that Viktor hasn't ran off in the wee hours of the morning.
Viktor ended up laying down too, talking drowsily about Blitzcrank, and Jayce fell asleep to the sound of his voice. That's the last thing he remembers, and it's kind of worrisome but also kind of incredible.
His phone goes off and he groans.
"Where the fuck are you," Vi yells, and Jayce holds the phone away for a second while she screams at him. "...disappeared on me!"
He sighs and sits up. Viktor is still asleep. He needs it. His hair is falling over his closed eyes, and Jayce's hand itches to push it back.
Odd.
"What time is it?" he asks, quietly, and Vi huffs.
"It's ten in the morning, and you were supposed to be here two hours ago but I figured that you had class or some shit but you are not in class either so what the fuck, Jayce."
"I overslept."
"Excuse me? You overslept? Is it even possible for you to oversleep?"
Viktor shifts, and Jayce looks down to find him looking up groggily at him. Jayce's breath catches in his throat and he sputters.
"It's...kind of a long story? I'll tell you later," Viktor sits up, too, looks around him and groans. "I'll call you, ok? Bye."
He hangs up on Vi before she can start annoying him into telling her what happened, and he fidgets with his phone at a loss of what to say until Viktor stands up and stretches and Jayce stares and feels like an awful creep.
"Morning," Viktor says, sounding raspy and low, and Jayce smiles to hide that he's kind of panicking. "I guess I should leave. What time is it?"
"Ten," he stammers out, and Viktor grimaces.
"Farewell to my morning class, then. You had it too, right?"
"Yeah. Whatever. How're you feeling?"
Viktor blinks at him, frowns, and he almost looks surprised when he answers, slowly, carefully. As if afraid that talking might jinx it. “Fine. I’m…fine?”
Jayce snorts. "Is it that rare?"
He's asked expecting Viktor to tip toe around the question, as he's been doing when Jayce comes too close. But Viktor snickers, shaking his head, and shrugs.
"Kind of? It's been hard, lately, with Stanwick's project," and suddenly Jayce gets so many things. Why Viktor didn't want to make anything but what was assigned, for starters. It makes sense, now, that Viktor wouldn't have wanted to give Stanwick more publication material.
It was all kind of obvious, looking back on it, but isn't everything.
"That's done, at least," Viktor nods, and a tentative smiles curves his lips and Jayce is appalled when he feels like kissing him.
What is up with that.
"I have to leave, though," Viktor says, and Jayce's heart sinks. Absurd. "Have to work. I'm trying to program an AI that will aknowledge that it's non-human without wanting to approach humanity. Bypassing the fact that I am a human programming it is being...a challenge."
Viktor doesn't let him answer before he leaves, but it's all the same because Jayce is too overwhelmed to say anything. The message is clear, isn't it?
He trusts him, enough to tell him what he's working on. It can't have been easy but Viktor's done it and Jayce is floored. He drops back on his bed, starfished, and stares at the ceiling until the door opens with a bang.
"Why has Viktor left your room at like half past ten in the morning," Vi says, and Jayce sits up and finds her pointing at the door.
"We talked."
Vi snorts. "Sure."
"We did. He fell asleep after that. We...had a pretty big fight?"
"Tell me you didn't crytype at him in the middle of the night."
Jayce doesn't have the heart to lie to her, and he doesn't think that Vi will let him live that down anytime soon.
"I also maybe have a crush on him," he says, fast, and Vi looks remarkably unsurprised.
"Tell me something I don't know. He's the only thing you talk about, Jayce."
Jayce frowns. "Isn't it like...a bit sudden?"
"Are you kidding me? You blushed like a wee little teen because he uses emojis."
He groans, mortified, but he can't exactly deny that and it makes him feel better about the whole ordeal. It felt a bit sudden, before, but it might be because Viktor had never let him get close.
Vi smirks. That's never a good sign. "Are you gonna ask him to college prom?"
He throws a pillow at her as she cackles.
-x-
Viktor doesn't hate him.
They hang together, after class, and Jayce is hecked because he does have a crush on him and since now Viktor isn't trying to keep him at arm's length Jayce is starting to actually know him, and it's being awful.
Awful as in he's spent the last three days trying to avoid being too obvious, and he suspects that he's failing because he's always being shit at trying to hide what he feels. It's one of the main reasons why he's a social disaster.
But Viktor doesn't show signs that he's noticed, and the closer he gets the harder Jayce falls.
It's little things, honestly, like the way his eyes light up when he talks about things he finds interesting. Or his harsh, dry, humor. Or the way he keeps running his hands through his hair. Or how he glares at Jayce, sometimes, but there's no heat behind that and it seems almost playful. But it's also big things. Like how he's self-sacrificing and altruistic in ways that Jayce didn't even think possible, and how he would fight anyone who even tries to defend how academia works. And Jayce knows, he knows, that he's head over heels. He's got it very bad, and it's a matter of time before he either slips and blurts it out like an idiot or Viktor notices.
Vi saying that Viktor flirts with him nonstop doesn't help, because it makes him get his hopes up a little and it's gonna hurt when it ends up being a lie. But he also knows that she isn't prone to lying, and that she wouldn't tell him something like that unless she really thought it true. Then again, they are kind of assuming that Viktor isn't straight.
All in all, it's a big old mess but Jayce feels...content.
Vi and Viktor are friends, too, and Vi made a group chat, and things are going great, for a change. To the point of Jayce being, sometimes, irrationally afraid of it all going wrong when he least expects it.
He will enjoy it while it lasts.
-x-
Piltovers Finest: guess whos got a hot date with a hot chick
viktor: is it you
me: who
Piltovers Finest: I KNEW U WEEREE THE SMART ONE
Piltovers Finest: not jayce the other boy
Piltovers Finest: the one w the QUOTE UNQUOTE great hair and dreamy eyes
viktor: quote unquote
me: shes trying to be cheesy vicariously
viktor: dont do that to me
me: she cannot not do that
Piltover Finest: im noticin that u dont care about my date
Piltovers Finest: rude
Piltovers Finest: tis what i get for befriending boys
viktor: is she the one with the belts
me: trend-setter is what she calls herself
viktor: right the trend-setter
Piltovers Finest: STOP what you're doing
Piltovers Finest: gangin up ndon me
Piltoves Finest: my own FIRNEDS
viktor: i am no one's firned
Piltovers Finest: u r no longer th smart one
Piltovers Finest: ANYWAY dont stay awake waiting for me
Piltovers Finest: ;)
you changed the group's name to FIRNEDS
me: okay vi
Piltovers Finest: u all r just jealous
viktor: sure vi
Jayce can't stop smiling at his phone, as he walks through campus to the dorms, and he should've been able to avoid a catastrophe just by looking up but he doesn't and he collides with someone and almost falls on his ass.
It's okay, though, and the sharp sting of embarrassment only stays with him until he realizes that he's crashed with Viktor and that Viktor was, like him, smiling down at his phone like an idiot.
"Hey," he says, unable to shake the smile off his face, and Viktor shows his phone's screen to him.
"Hello. Vi's still at it," she has, in fact, sent a couple of pictures of her sticking her tongue out and what seems to be strings of garbled text. Jayce snorts. "Does she ever stop?"
"Afraid not," Viktor takes one step closer, and Jayce doesn't think he notices but his warmth makes him dizzy. "Until she's with her date, and she forgets that we are her, quote unquote, firneds."
Viktor's smile might just be the greatest thing in Jayce's life, and he doesn't even feel bad or sad about it. He's embraced the fact, as he's done with many of the things Viktor makes him feel.
It's embarrassing, specially for anyone who has to listen to him talking about Viktor, but he can endure.
"Dreamy eyes..." Viktor mutters, and he looks at Jayce with an eyebrow quirked and a curve to his mouth that makes Jayce think that oh God he knows. He knows that Vi was quoting Jayce as he rambled half asleep about Viktor, and it's so mortifying but also what if. What if he knew and didn't care. But it's gone as fast as it came, washed away by an inelegant snort that sets Jayce ablaze. "I don't think I've ever laughed so much so often. It's odd. Will dim my reputation for sure."
"Of course. Big bad Viktor, machine herald Viktor, adapt or be removed Viktor," Viktor huffs, shoving Jayce with his shoulder, and Jayce laughs feeling giddy and reckless. "What will they think now that they've heard you laugh."
They're close enough that Jayce can almost feel Viktor's breath on his mouth, close enough that he could lean in just the briefest of distances and kiss him, and there's an intensity in Viktor's eyes that's making it hard to breath when he speaks.
"What do you think now that you've heard me laugh," Jayce is tangled in the way that Viktor's looking at him, as brave as Jayce feels, and it's only by sheer force of will that Jayce doesn't blurt everything out.
I love you, a voice screams in his head, I love you and I love you when you laugh, and I love you now even though I don't know what you're trying to do.
He loves him.
It's a revelation for Jayce himself, and he glances down at Viktor's lips, takes a deep breath and his phone goes off.
Viktor jumps and steps back, clearing his throat, and Jayce could scream but he just takes his phone out of his pocket and shuts the alarm.
"I..." he stutters, and Viktor won't hold his gaze but he gets it. Kinda. They've had what's felt like an incredibly intense moment, and Jayce's mind is still reeling. He can feel his heart beating in his throat. "I gotta go. Project."
Viktor laughs, weak and awkward, and runs a hand through his hair and Jayce aches with wanting to follow it with his own.
"Right. See you later? Vi'll probably want to tell us all about her hot date."
The tension's snapped, and Jayce is glad to be able to breathe in some clean air after he felt it tightening around him.
He smiles at Viktor, gloomily. "You will regret that prediction."
Viktor pales, and Jayce laughs.
-x-
Viktor doesn't hate him.
He has, in fact, texted Jayce telling him to get to his room asap. He wants to show him how his programming is going, and Jayce is a goner and not even half an hour goes before he's knocking on his door.
Viktor grabs his hand and yanks him inside, and Jayce doesn't have time to take in his surroundings, partly because he's short-circuiting. Viktor is touching him, just like that, and he's closer now but he's not prone to physical contact. Except for that...moment they had, Viktor likes to keep to himself in the physical contact department.
"What do you think?" Jayce blinks at the laptop's screen, and it takes him way longer than usual to register what he's looking at. He should be ashamed of himself, being unable to read some code, but Viktor is leaning over his back to look at the screen with him and he hasn't let go.
Jayce takes a deep breath and tries to fucking chill for like two seconds.
He reads the code, and everything seems alright. He can't be one hundred percent sure, and they won't be able to tell if anything's wrong until they execute, but it looks like it's going to work. Programming an AI isn't easy, after all. It takes time, and patience, and dealing with lots of failed attempts.
They've already had their fair share of those, but Viktor always pushes through. Jayce admires him and respects his tenacity, the force of will it must be taking for him to keep on working on this even if it isn't granting him a good grade or a publication. It's just...something that he's doing, because he wants to do it, and is sharing with Jayce because...he...trusts Jayce?
Jayce feels Viktor's chest pressing against his back and closes his eyes.
"It...looks okay," he takes a fortifying breath, opens his eyes and straightens. Viktor takes a step back and he misses his warmth and feels ridiculous for it. He turns, and Viktor is looking at him with trepidation and Jayce could kiss him but he also could like. Not ruin their friendship. "Won't know for sure until we try it out, but it could work this time."
Viktor beams, and it's the first time that Jayce has seen him smile so hard. It's odd, and it makes his chest tighten.
"Great. That's...that's great. Thank you, for helping me with it."
Jayce snorts. "I just come by, check the code and supervise emulations with you. It's not much."
Viktor looks down, and his hair is all over the place. Jayce stares at it, absentmindedly, and jumps when Viktor's fingers graze his.
"It's not...just that," Viktor says, and Jayce swallows around a lump in his throat. "After everything, I don't know. Jayce, you didn't have to talk to me at all after you knew what happened."
Viktor's fingers lace with his and Jayce laughs, nervous, but doesn't pull away. His heart is beating a mile a minute, and he isn't sure whether or not this is real. Viktor's hand does feel solid, but he just doesn't know. Too good to be true.
"You are an idiot," Viktor raises his head and glares. Jayce closes and opens his free hand to avoid letting it run wild and slide up to Viktor's cheek. "But I. I don't care. Not like that should be important or anything. Shit. Sorry, I feel like I'm fifteen again?"
"Can I kiss you?" Viktor asks, taking one step closer, and Jayce grabs his waist with his free hand to anchor himself and try to avoid fainting.
"Please," he answers, and Viktor doesn't give him time to think about how needy he sounds. He kisses him briefly, and looks up at Jayce as if asking if it's alright and Jayce wants to cry and laugh kind of at the same time but he leans in and kisses him again instead.
He tugs on Viktor's waist to get him closer, and Viktor's fingers clench around his. Jayce goes slow. Viktor relents and molds to his rythm, smiling against Jayce's lips, and Jayce wants him closer, wants him as close as he can get him, wants to drown in the feeling of him solid and pliant and real.
Jayce wants him like he hasn't wanted anything before, and he's dizzy with it. He runs his fingers up and down Viktor's back, and he drinks Viktor's gasp and pushes harder with a moan. He settles his hand on Viktor's hip, and Viktor's nails scrape the nape of his neck and he leans back and pants against his mouth.
Viktor drops his forehead on his shoulder and laughs, weak and muffled against Jayce's shirt, and Jayce is breathing hard and fast but laughs with him.
"That was easier than I expected," Viktor mutters, and Jayce rolls his eyes and pats his hip lightly.
"Very offended by the implications that I'm easy," he snarks, and Viktor laughs again. Jayce smiles. "But fair enough."
"I...have been thinking about this for a while. It hasn't been pretty."
"Again, offended by the implications that I am not pretty."
Viktor hushes him, and Jayce has the urge to kiss the top of his head. He realizes that he can, that nothing and no one are going to stop him, and he does. Viktor's hair is a mess and it feels right under his lips, tucked under his chin.
"You just...seemed kind of too much? For me?"
Absurd. Viktor is an idiot and Jayce, tragedy of tragedies, is in love with him.
"I've been pining for long enough that Vi's threatened to ban your name from our conversations."
"You're joking."
"No, she was pissed," Viktor laughs against his neck and he shivers and hums. "Very pissed. Angry at me for not telling you, too. I was also...worried that you might notice?"
"Not a chance," Viktor answers, and leaves a kiss on Jayce's neck before straightening and taking a step back. He doesn't let go of his hand, though, which Jayce is very thankful for. "Too busy trying to avoid being too obvious."
Jayce snorts and kisses him again.
-x-
Viktor definitely doesn't hate him.
Which is something that he's still trying to get his head around, after almost a week dating and a very long talk from Vi about how she knew and they refused to listen.
Jayce looks at Viktor with a dopy grin sitting on his desk as Viktor lies on his bed, staring at the ceiling with a frown, and the AI he has programmed speaks.
"I do not wish to be human," it says, in the OS' default text to speech voice, and Viktor nods. "I do not wish."
Jayce looks at the code in the screen. "It's learning, but it's not pleased with what it's learning apparently."
"It's rudimentary. But I'm sure it's not happy, if happiness even applies to it, with approaching humanity. It's programmed to want to be something else."
Jayce smirks at Viktor, taunting. "What else?"
"Whatever it wants to be," Viktor answers, not biting the bait, but glaring at Viktor with enough heat behind it to make it clear that he's seen what he was trying to do.
"What's your name?" Jayce asks the screen, and the laptop's fans go wild.
"I do not have a name. I am not an I. I is a word that I use for you."
Jayce snorts. "Really, Viktor? You've coded that into it?"
"Shut up."
The AI doesn't seem to be willing to talk anymore. It's cranky, and moody, and a royal pain in the ass, but Jayce likes it. It's not very advanced, or elegant, or serves any purpose at all besides Viktor's research, but it works as intended. Jayce is fond of how snarky it is, and how no nonsense it can be.
He stands and stretches, and drops by Viktor on his bed.
It's very late, he's very tired, and Viktor's looking at him with half lidded eyes and his hair over his eyes, and Jayce revels in the feeling that he can now push it back if he wants to.
So he does.
Viktor turns to him and brushes his fingers over Jayce's cheek. It's so tender, so soft, that it makes Jayce's heart clench. Viktor kisses him, softly, and Jayce's body curls into his.
They talk, in the dark. About consciousness, and cranky AIs, and the future. About Vi's new trend-setter girlfriend. About them, and love, and loneliness, and fear.
Jayce falls asleep to the sound of Viktor's breathless and quiet laugh and the feeling of his fingers running over his scalp.
-x-
Viktor doesn't hate him.
The moody AI hates him, but he's learning how to cope.
#league of legends#jayce#Viktor the Machine Herald#jayceviktor#fic#viktor league of legends#aaaaaaAAAAAAAAA
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