#I would have loved to see Jak being more confronted with all his friends including how he would solve all these problems

[seirei-bh]

Please let's talk about Seem, Sig, Ashelin, Damas and all the plot holes of Jak 3, because I can't take this anymore

I'm re-playing Jak 3, realizing about some details, and it amazed me how I've never seem almost anybody in JnD fandom talking about the fact Seem and his monks were working for both Damas and Veger. I'm gonna emphatize this: Seem was working for the same asshole who kidnapped the son of the king for whom Seem also works. And Damas never knew it. Yes, I don't think Seem knew Veger was behind that kidnaping and probably the Monks were a neutral group, but the problem here is Jak NEVER confronted Seem asking why the hell they was telling important info to that dangerous man who killed thousands people putting bombs in a palace. WHY???

No, Jak just saw Seem talking with Veger and he's like "I wonder why Catacombs are important" and that's all. Because see a monk talking about secret plans with the man who banished them in a SECRET Temple in the middle of the Wasteland it's pretty common. I dunno Jak, but if you don't want to confront Seem face to face, don't you think you shouldn't at least advice Damas about his monks are possible traitors who made secret plans with a Haven Counselor? I think it's important.

Seem is part of the "bunch of characters who do questionable secret actions and nobody cares for some reason". As well as Onin and Samos. Because let's remember in Daxter game Onin was the one who tell Erol that Jak had special eco abilities and that's why Erol and Praxis used him for dark eco experiments, and Samos knew all the horrible things about what was going to happens to Jak after use the Rift Rider and he never said anything, nobody confronted him about this! The only scene we got is at the ending of Jak 2, where Jak asked to Samos if next time he will say something he knows and they take his silence as a joke. Wonderful.

But oh well, let's go back with Seem.

Seem's "redemption" and development happens out ot screen. All Seem interactions with Jak and Dax in Act 1 are hostiles and uncomfortable. Then in act 2, Seem asks them to get a precursor artifact from the Marauders, by communicator, in the middle of the mission. Why Seem does it if they hates Jak? Who the hell knows. After that, Seem asks them to save the Precursor Temple because the Dark Makers are attacking them, and… that's all, suddlendly Seem is your best friend. OH, and Seem apparently knew since that moment Daxter is a Precursor and Jak is THE Mar. Why? We never know, oh but look Daxter got a pants. //Insert ending credits here.//

And Seem is not the only characters with a weird behaviour and plot holes. But this post is getting long so I'll keep writing under the cut:

Also, there are more plot holes here. Ashelin should know Jak is the son of Damas. Ashelin knew Damas, she knew he was the previous king of Haven City, and she gives to Jak the Seal of Mar and told him "Don't you remember who you are?" so that means she should know already that Jak was the Kid. SO WHY SHE NEVER TOLD HIM DAMAS WAS HIS FATHER?? Ok, she could have some doubs if, as I've already theorized, Mar was born in Spargus so Ashelin wasn't sure if Damas had a son, but she should have asked to Damas, Sig, or Jak. Yeah, she was occupied handling a war, but this is important too for fuck sake, if she couldn't go to Spargus to ask, then send Pecker or somebody else!

And there is something more. Sig had a very important conversation with Jak and Daxter whose implications are never bring back later:

Sig: Haven folk are a bunch of weaklings, you know that! They already lost the war before it started. Luckily Damas has a plan to make sure we all survive.

Jak: You're playing with people's lives!

Sig: Why not? They played with mine. Survival of the fittest, baby. I suggest you get with the program, and be on the winning side.

Jak: And which side is that?

Sig: The one on top of the pile. Unfortunately, it's gonna be a big pile.

Jak: So now what?

Sig: Just keep your nose clean and stay sharp. I'll tell you when the action's coming.

And some missions later, suddendly Sig forgot all of this and helps Torn, Jinx, Jak and Daxter in Haven City to destroy metalheads in Haven. Wtf?

I assumed Sig was angry because he was used by Krew and he just forgot everything later because THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP is more important, but the fact is that conversation implied much more, like some hidden intentions related to Spargus and Haven City and that plan Damas had.

"Luckily Damas has a plan to make sure we all survive."

Cool, Sig, but what plan?

There is no plan =D

No, seriously, there is no plan.

Damas told us "My monks say the world is coming to an end, but I am a survivor. I say we live on long after this world dies! Be ready, you are shaping up to be one of my finest warriors, and I'll need you for the trials ahead." But that's all. He never told us what was his plan.

It wasn't until I read Jak 3 desing bible when I realized what was that plan: In the original script, wastelanders were going to attack Haven City, and in that context, that conversation with Sig has more sense.

Well, I don't like the idea that they were going to attack Haven City only for revenge, as it's said the the design bible. But I still find interesting a part of that idea and I think it would have more sense if they do it in order to survive, because in Haven City is were the Catacombs are, and that's where it's hidden the secret of the Precursors to protect the planet.

Wastelanders are tough people. If they have to enter in the City by force to reach the Catacombs in order to survive, they'll do. And they're not going to ask permission to the people who banished them, neither asked them for help.

The Monks knows it, and excuse me but I don't think they won't use all the opportunities they have to reach that salvation, so it's possible they not only told to Veger but also to Damas. Besides, Damas is a member of the House of Mar and knows a lot about the history of Mar, the Precursors, the City… of course he should have know that, besides in Jak 3 design bible it says Damas was interested in Precursors artifacts, and what we need to reach the Catacombs? Yes, Precursors artifacts. And where we get it? ALL OF THEM ARE IN WASTELANDS. Seem had one of them, Kleiver sold another to a buch of metalheads (Idk how the hell he talked with them and why metalheads have money but ok), and the Marauders had another. And OH WAIT, let's remember, what was the mission that Damas sent to us jus after he talked to Jak about his lost son, about all they sacrifices he had to do to save other people, and about to survive after the world ends? Yeah, he sent us to end with the Marauders in their fortress and we got an Precursor artifact after that because Seem told us by the communicator they stole it. What a coincidence, isn't it? So if we put some of these pieces together, along with the subplot ND deleted, it has sense. Besides, Why were wastelanders going to trust their Precursor artifacts to Haven City people? They already had them, and Monks knows were Catacombs are, so they can handle this.

It would have been very interesting if Jak and Dax had to confront Damas, Sig, Kleiver and Seem about this topic at least in one scene. Them trying to get Jak to choose a side while Jak is trying to convice them that the only solution is not to choose a side but to join forces with Haven City and viceversa to defeat their common enemies together, to win this last war and to protect the planet and that they should trust him to do be the bond between both sides. Then Sig and Seem's sudden change of actitude would have more sense.

It even could have sense if Seem was some kind of spy and Damas sent them to watch Veger movements. Or even Seem starting to change his mind about Jak not only because he took a random Precursor artifact from the Marauders, but also because Seem noticed Jak got a new Light inside him because the Precursors gave him light eco powers in the Temple, so Seem realized he's the choosen one to save the world. Maybe Seem talked with the Precursors in the Temple and they told them Jak and Daxter were so specials because they're Mar and a Precursor? Idk, SOMETHING.

And I didn't even start to talk about Keira's inexistence, Brutter's dissapear, and Cyber-Errol's and Darkmakers messy writing yet. But this post is too long.

Seriously, the way Jak 3 is handled after Act 2 is a dissaster.

[demyrie]

I'm curious but why did you delete JAM? It was one of my favorite JxD fics and I never got to finish reading it.

ahhhh oh dear, yeah, that happened.

So, for everyone arriving, I wrote a fic called Just Another Mission for the Jak and Daxter game series, and Jak/Daxter pairing. Yes, the green haired elf protag with the fuzzy orange thing, which btw used to be a human and was a human in fic. I think I started it when I was maybe 14 (yikes omg) and a few years ago, I deleted it, and I don’t delete fics.

Rant and personal history ahead, but tldr; i deleted this particular fic because:

1) I became more and more uncomfortable with the way I’d treated certain characters without giving them respect or resolution (throwing around things like domestic abuse while being too young to properly understand What I Was Doing or How to Answer Very Triggered Friends Who Had the Misfortune of Reading This I’m So Goddamn Sorry, as well as falling into that Not Like Other Girls slash fan ditch of treating female characters like shit/obstacles to the main pairing WHICH IS JUST ******) as well as personally uncomfortable portrayals of obsession and taking advantage of people that turn my stomach to this day (see reason 4)

2) i got way in over my head with my own writing/style which was so obtuse and self-indulgent that I felt a great amount of shame over it, including the attention it had gotten, and the way it went to my head and turned me into an egotistic little shit. I was an asshole peacock and I regret it. There was a break where I got waylaid before the final confrontation in the fic (see reason 4, also a very bad time to get held up in any narrative) and when I returned to the story, i nearly cried because it was such a mess and I didn’t know what I was saying anymore. Finishing it was a struggle and I even remember one JnD fan friend being like “hey this chapter seemed really curt??? short?? not like you” and I was like YEAH THATS NOT ME ANYMORE god i hope

3) there was a sort of ... anti-JxD surge in my little pool from people I really respected and it made me think i was doing something wrong even just remembering it, so I cut off that memory.

4) it coincided with two ugly relationships in my life that marred it, and I just wanted it gone for my own mental health.

So anon, I’m very sorry that you never got to finish it. I had good intentions in mind and gave them a happy ending where they realized they loved each other, even if the journey there was difficult. 

It both touched me and broke a piece of my heart when someone came to me years ago and asked me why I had deleted it, saying the story had given them the courage to come out as gay to their family. In that moment, overwhelmed with how ProblematicTM the whole story was, I was really struck with just ... how subjective our world experience is, and how so many things can mean so many different things to every single soul and how terrifyingly VALID peoples experiences are, no matter how they come by them. We’re all so unique and convoluted, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure -- and one man’s trigger is another man’s key to Becoming. But no matter how inspiring, I couldn’t bring myself to repost it. 

Hopefully this will be the only fic i ever delete with relish. Jak and Daxter will always be a good memory for me, regardless. Thanks for the ask, anon.

(even more) personal stuff below the cut. tw for stalking, harassment, manipulation and emotional abuse.

So.

Im a firm believer in stories living beyond their authors (something that JK rowling doesnt seem to understand iykwim). I don’t normally delete past works, because while I wrote them, I also know that they’ve outgrown me as most narratives do: people are absolutely allowed to enjoy what they want to or need to, not just because I think said thing is reflective of my current work or jives with my current stage of life. 

However, JAM was a particular Thing that Had to Go.

The timeline is hella fuzzy to me because I’ve blocked a lot of it out, but I was coming out of middle school and struggling with my mental health. On the real life side, I was stuck in a situation with a close friend of mine who was very fixated on us being in a relationship and the pining was loud enough to hear from the other side of the country. Wounded people pleaser that I was, I flipped (exhaustingly) back and forth between “i dont like you like that” and “but I want you to be happy so what if I tried liking you like that?” and there was massive amounts of hidden hurt and resentment and tension and abandonment complex activation and just ... a strangling of anything that made our friendship good for either of us. 

Also she was a she. So. Yannoe, gay is difficult.

This definitely burnt me out on the “best friends pining” trope and is probably legit the ONLY reason I’m not equally in the erasermic and erasermight camp haha. That trope feels claustrophobic and draining to me, so I leave it for others to enjoy.

It also coincided with a married 45yo adult man luring me into a “platonic, ecstatic, boundary-breaking, you-are-my-beautiful-young-muse, words cannot express how much I love you” creative type relationship that inevitably turned possessive, domineering and manipulative. Within the bounds of the Renaissance Faire community, I thought he was a safe person and he was not, and his constant reassurance that I wasn’t like other women my age was absolutely hypnotizing to a undeveloped soul who really, really wanted to be special.

We traded poetry and tarot card readings over email. He bought me manga and shared stories about his time overseas and in the service. He made me props to go with my renaissance faire character and showed me where to find cheap leather so I could piece things together myself.

He also stalked me and owned me for the better part of a year and I only realized it once he started harassing a dear friend of mine overseas, whom I was visiting, about a package that he’d sent, which apparently he’d covered in original poetry to let me know how much he loved me But Not In a Hetero or Sexual Way Bro, so of course he didn’t want it to get lost in the postal system. So what is he going to do? Note my friend twice a day asking if its arrived until she inevitably, tearfully spills that this guy is stressing her out and who is he anyway?

My horrible secret was out, which only sounded horrible when I explained it to someone else. I realized this man was trying to follow me wherever i went and I got so fucking angry that he was messing with my friend that I had to stop it.

(He called me a cunt when I broke it off with him on the phone in the dark on the floor of my bedroom in the middle of the night so my parents wouldn’t hear, then sobbed and said he was sorry. I was so dissociated from the rush of anger and helplessness that it took for me to actually MAKE the call that all I could do was wiggle my foot and watch it in the reflection of the mirror on the back of my door, and think maybe I was a cunt but I wasn’t his cunt anymore. So there. 

Afterward I slammed my forehead into the mirror a few times to make sure I’d actually done it and it wasn’t a dream.)

During all of this, I was writing this stupid fic. I think. Honestly, I don’t fucking know, but I can’t think of it without thinking of him and how i was devoured.

The stress of hiding this “totally wonderful but NORMAL PEOPLE DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT WE HAVE!!!!” grooming shit from my parents was gutting me alive, and I was so far gone RE: worthiness/autonomy that I didn’t even consider why I BOTHERED diffusing his petulant accusations over notes on deviantArt again and again as he baited me into shit just to explode over how I didn’t love him and I figured out another way to soothe his engorged and tarry ego without explicitly lying that I loved him too. 

He made me regret my silver tongue and way with words as I used it to defend myself again and again, and crushed my love of writing. I would pace the neighborhood for almost an hour several times a week, claiming I was ‘exercising’ but really trying to understand why i felt so trapped, or where the lines between love and hate lay, or why I wanted to cry all the time, as i low key tried to get hit by a car just to force something to change in my life and jolt me out of his smothering, needy nightmare of constant texting and emails and notes. I couldn’t fucking flinch without him knowing about it, and asking me if I was okay. For this reason, I react very poorly to people fretting over me at length, and loudly. I get angry and feel violated, or just pinned to the floor by someone Performing their love on me with no real regard for my health.

This whole time, I was escaping into fandom. It probably saved my life, in one way or another, because I found friends who supported me and made me laugh in the JnD sphere. Especially the friend whose distress caused me to snap and realize This Couldn’t Continue.

This terrible man was the first one outside of my friend group that I showed my writing to, the first adult as well. It was on the dark side even then, but he said it was wonderful and amazing. He teased me for being stuck up in my authors notes on JAM (one of the reasons I’m just getting over ... talking ...) but said it inspired him to start writing as well. He used that writing to imagine hokey sprawling stories of him being a hot rod racer and me being his sexy girlfriend, Very Totally in Love. Why Couldn’t We have Just Met in a Different Lifetime??? not that its a relevant question for my young 16yo friend lol just something dreamers wonder lol lol here why don’t you take this traditional irish engagement ring aka claddagh i bought for you, lie to your parents and say I bought one for everyone in our renfaire group, and turn it toward your heart, to imply that you’re in love, so that I can keep your heart safe for you until you find a boyfriend?

FUCKER YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKER ok I’m done. Fuck.

JAM was a project of mine that spanned a year or two and is intrinsically tangled in those very bad relationships and very bad lessons. I deleted it because I needed to, for purely personal reasons beyond the fact that it was generally bombastic, over-long, tone-deaf and dealt with very serious issues poorly. Due to these experiences, you won’t catch me in a hot minute writing either best-friends-pining or heavy jealousy/possessiveness fic, but everyone else? Go crazy just tag your shit.

so. anyway. isn’t subjectivity actually terrifying? You never know what something can mean to someone else. So just ask, maybe.

Damn, son. Some fics you just can’t repost.