#I worked overtime pumping out the nonstop jokes on this one so it will probably get 2 notes

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls, Season 2, Episode 17, "Dead Uncles and Vegetables", Part 2

Read part 1 and all other episodes in my pinned post. Luke is giving Lorelai the run down on the Life and Death of Uncle Louie, which is terribly un important. Think it's funny that he doesn't tell Lorelai about the existence of his family members until there's a crisis like his uncle croaking. Lorelai didn't know he had a sister or nephew until Jess was practically on his doorstep. Frankly, the life story of Liz Danes is infinitely more fascinating than Dead Louie's. I have to make a small correction: in the previous post, I stated that Teach Me Tonight was the next episode, but there's actually another wonderful, glorious, absolutely pointless filler episode next. That one where Richard helps Rory with a project for the Chilton business fair and Madelyn invents the Amazon Alexa a full 12 years before Amazon does but Rory sidelines her invention because no one at Chilton knows how to build a robot.

I can't think of a more gruesome place to spend the afterlife. If I happened to die in The Hollow, I would come back and haunt you. I'm gonna haunt you so hard, Lorelai Gilmore. You, Dean. Boom, haunted.

A little healthy competition for Taylor Doose. Just a warmup before Walmart eventually moves in and flattens both markets.

Love Miss Patty. Back at the Inn, Michel notices the 9 rooms that Lorelai reserved for Luke but there is no credit card on file to pay for said rooms. What's that sound? Could it be the sound of Lorelai Gilmore’s gross financial irresponsibility? Could it be that Lorelai just gifted Luke 9 free hotel rooms with no way to make that money back for the Inn?

Ha!

To bring everyone up to speed on the low stakes drama currently under way: Sookie is planning her wedding, and after a fateful soup tasting, Emily has wormed her way in to the wedding planning. Lorelai is predictably miffed. I fear that a day without a Miffed Lorelai would throw the Earth off it's axis.

For at least the second time in so many weeks, Lorelai has just up and left work in the middle of the day to help Luke do something and no one tries to stop her, on top of that she is leaving her real job to go work another job filling in for Luke.

Lorelai Gilmore is an HR rep’s nightmare. Meanwhile at the diner: the war for small town economic dominance rages on between Taylor and the gentle farmer's market hippie, while Lorelai works behind the counter and Rory....

WHHHAAAAA???! First Rory paid for her food, now she's working.... a job??!

Gross. Kirk just ordered lunch, Lorelai is about to bring Luke a turkey burger, and another customer asked Lorelai if they were still serving breakfast, so are we to assume it’s like, around 11am? And Rory is not in school. My word! She pulled a Jess and skipped school to work! It's even funnier when you think about how Luke is basically nobody to Rory at this point but some dick her mom is quietly chasing and her mother pulls her out of school to wait tables at his restaurant. (before anyone says "maybe it's a weekend", Rory was in her Chilton uniform just moments ago). Taylor, observing Miss Patty across the street at the farmer's market: "Since when does Patty eat so much fruit?" This is the woman who told 15 year old Rory that plums were better than sex.

Taylor is quaking in his cardigan, he knows deep down that at any moment his power and stranglehold over Stars Hollow could be usurped in a blink. Hippie: My market is so busy I don't have time to take a break and eat a meal. Taylor: A well groomed businessman with a good staff can afford to take a break now and again. Kirk:

The exquisitely timed, deadpan delivery of this line delighted me #TomatosSign #KirkMayBeATouchNeurodivergent

In other Low Stakes Drama, Lorelai has gone upstairs to bring Luke his lunch. He informs Lorelai that none of his relatives are coming to Dead Louie’s funeral, and they both pretend to be sad about it. Jess is nowhere to be found, so I guess unlike Rory, he’s at school, not jerking off for once.

Luke laments the lame excuses that his no good relatives gave for skipping Dead Louie’s funeral, like “I can’t miss work.”

If only they had the generous “Leave work in the middle of a shift to go help the diner guy” PTO package that the Independence Inn provides to Lorelai.

Luke begins the ol’ “name and shame the family members who have stood me up” and to no one’s fucking surprise Liz is among the funeral skippers who isn’t answering his calls (and at the same time isn’t seizing this opportunity to visit her own son and brother).

Oh Liz Danes you are SO getting haunted.

Now this just throws more Confusion Dressing onto the Dead Uncles and Vegetables Salad. On top of the "Rory gets pulled out school to chase her mom's Dick Goals", Jess also isn’t at school, and Luke says he’s…playing basketball. Ha ha ha. From the fantastical imagination of one Miss AmyShermanPalladino, who bought us “Dean likes/knows how to read”, comes its thrilling sequel, “Jess plays sports!"

Okay. Okay. Nothing is as creative or fantastically fictional as “Dean being literate”. And that being said, I could see Jess shooting hoops, I guess? Like maybe he spent time at the parks and playgrounds of New York City to blow off a little steam. Maybe it’s not a terribly ridiculous notion.

Anyhow, much like “I was playing football with my friends” ala the big fat lie in Swan Song, Rory just accepts this statement without question and then calls him a "little punk". Why? The hell did he do? First ya'll are mad he's causing "mischief" and now he's found a wholesome activity to keep him occupied and off the mean streets of Stars Hollow and you're still mad.

That brown shirt looked fucking stellar on him and he had to go and ruin it with a poofy lifejacket. 2000's fashion, man. I love how there is clearly nothing for Jess to do plotwise so they made up this z-plot where Rory keeps getting mad at him for taking time off from work, as if it matters to her, and as if he doesn’t have the most solid work ethic in Stars Hollow and shouldn’t be allowed take a break and play his little basketball game if he wants.

The low stakes drama continues: Jackson shows up at the diner and is not pleased about the intrusion on his wedding…by his fiancée’s coworker’s mother, of all people. I’m sure he had a lot of questions for Sookie about that.

Poor Jess. I'm sure he tried so hard to hold onto that fleeting moment of bliss today, a brief time when he was free, playing basketball, by himself most likely, skipping school, no one bothering him, then Rory shows up and drags him back to work/home for some reason and then Luke forces him to go to a town meeting, He never even got any time to jerk off. I don't understand why Luke goes to these things. Clearly any time there is a meeting he is there not of his own free will, so what are the terrifying consequences for staying home?

Here sits a defeated man. Taylor: You're late Lorelai, I banged this meeting in a half hour ago. Lorelai: Ooh, dirty. Miss Patty's reaction:

Dirty old bat. I love her.

Das a good question.

Tell me again why he should care about The Town? Why should anyone care about The Town? Fuck Stars Hollow.

The many faces of Milo. What a cutiemuffin gumdrop. Ah the famous scene where many claim to see Milo mouthing "I love you" at Alexis across the seats, to me it just looks like he's chewing his lip. The way he is looking at her is incredibly precious and adoring nonetheless. Lord, I think I just popped an ovary. Ow. Camp I Love You, Camp Lip Chewer, I respect you both, now let's just meet in the middle where we can all agree Dean Forrester sucks. To be continued.