#I wont comment on it because a very important reason I cant say out loud but you should know it

[obessed-with-fictional-men]

oh my sweet Gale

I will admit, the very first run through of this game i found Gale annoying, pushy, dumped trauma everywhere, narcissistic in his knowledge of magic, and the need to prove how right his in in the subject. I often found myself thinking and saying out loud "omg shut up"..... buuuuut... having romanced him...... i found that his personality traits are the exact same as someone born as a child prodigy, had his ego inflated, alienated by everyone around him, and made to think he was superior by someone higher up just to then land on his ass.

I wont go through what i think of his character development because each play through is different, and for each player its different... but this is what i think of him over all.

Gale doesn't know how to talk to people. He doesn't have social queues that almost everyone else picks up on. Gale has spent, up till the tadpole, the exception in a lot of the situations he was put into and thus it became his default personality. Yes, for those of us who have romanced him (keeps romancing him) we see someone haunted by their past choices and watch him grow. We see the nerd that he is, but this is more about the potential Gale before we meet him. So bare with me.

He was a child prodigy and put into a prestigious school where he flourished. I can only image how his professors loved him and his fellow students less than enthusiastic response. You know what happens when you become the teachers pet? You become ostracized by your fellow peers. You know what happens when you are really good at something that usually takes A LOT of practice for others? You either get used or don't make friends. Gale has had ONE story that involved other people and it didn't involve friends, he was at a bar and defused a brawl with ale. He has openly admitted to Tara being his only real friend.

Now this isn't to say Gale never had to work at his magic or arcane knowledge to get him to where he is in the game when he first meet him. He was an archmage and the chosen of Mystera, but his innate ability to wield it as a young boy is what got Mystera's attention. Gale has stated that she was his teacher first, then his muse and finally his lover. You can only imagine how special he felt when Mystera chose him to be his guiding hand..... and then to be a lover? I don't care who you are..... That shit would have to inflate your ego. That shit would make you feel like you were SOOO much better than your fellow peers. You would have those toxic thoughts and comments of "yeah, well Mystera chose me! So who needs friends/criticism/physical lovers/ect". What do you typically do when you catch the attention of someone you highly regard? You try to impress them and do what you can to be even more impressive! So Gale's ambition grew to newer heights. I cant imagine what Mystera poisoned his mind with while they were together. Like, i get she told him to just be content with the things were.... but come on Mystera... you couldn't have expected him to stop striving to be better with a simple "nah, you're cool how you are. you don't need to be my equal". Not when the poor man has spent the last 2 decades of his life striving to be the best. His most important years for growth and development have been spent on trying to impress others.

Gale learns of a way to possibly convince Mystera to allow him into her domain and it gets a carnivorous orb shoved into his chest, dumped, stripped of his titles and holed up in his tower without nary a reason why. That had to be the biggest blow he has ever received in his entire life. His act of what he believed to be a sure fire way into getting what he wanted ended up taking almost everything away from him. If it wasn't for Tara, i'm sure Waterdeep would have succumbed his to orbs blight. The man locked himself in his tower and turned away all his colleagues and family.

So imagine, you are this lonely person... squirreled away from others and any social interaction. No one to talk to except your pet *sorry Tara* and all of a sudden you find yourself on a ship.... with a parasite in your brain and then your thrust into an adventure with a bunch of strangers. You have this orb in your chest that could blow at any time and you cant really explain WHY you need magical items.... but that if you don't get them.... everyone is in trouble.... you find your group facing monsters and doing weird ass side quests.... and at any given opportunity, you like to drop a knowledge bomb on the group.... just to find that some of the group members don't like your input... or don't listen at all.. which doesn't sit well with you. You've been told how right you are for like... 20 years... You haven't been given many acts of kindness since becoming an adult, what with your abrasive "im more knowledgeable in everything and i've slept with a goddess" personality, so when you see your fearless leader doing something nice, you approve. You grown to trust this leader enough to tell them the truth.... knowing full well they may turn on you, but they don't! You continue to watch them, and share moments of magic with them, you fight along side them, and what is this? Are you starting to develop feelings for them? Are they reciprocating these feelings?

He gets a death sentence slapped on his back and these new budding feelings he has for you need to be made known. What better way than to show you how much you mean to him than to literally paint the sky in the weave for you. To take away the Shadow-lands curse and SHOW you something better. He thinks 'the most perfect night would have to be some place im comfortable and vulnerable.... so that i can SHOW them. This is me, Gale. This is my whole world and at the center of it, my very heart'. he is literally showing you who he is. he is this studious... lonely man.. who sits in front of his fire place reading and researching... or out on his terrace watching the sunset with a book. Like, do you accept this version of me that you have not seen yet? *Not to mention the weave/ astral projected 3 gale gang bang you get while spinning through the cosmos. He is such a show off... or he just isnt confident in his own physical/ mortal ability to woo and wow*

To watch Gale throughout my few play throughs grow as a person and learn that having to much ambition can oft lead to ruin... and watch him change to just be content with himself as he is... i get a lot of comfort from it. I haven't gone down the God route yet, nor have i tried to make him more villainous, but who knows lol.

I have a lot thoughts on pre-tadpoled Gale and how his life up to that point made him who he is when we are first introduced to him. Gale is definitely my comfort character.

Sorry for the rant... or maybe im not. Once again... these are my thoughts from my multiple play throughs.

[worangetraveler-multiverseguide]

OKAY OKAY I SHIP THEM NOW GET OUT OF MY CASE!

[eternal-bangtan]

So long story short I was a really big fan of bts for awhile but I got bored of them when boy with luv came out, didn’t listen to it that much but it grew on me. Tonight my mom called me into her room bc bts was on James Corden and it made me realize that idk I’ve kinda felt empty without them. The point of this: I don’t really like one of the members. I don’t wanna say because I know the backlash for this member would be awful. I don’t know what to do bc I always hear Stan one of none. Plz help

holy shit i never thought that i can get an ask like this and i dont even know if im the right person or can explain properly dhdjdjdd but im gonna just say my thoughts ok? maybe they will help u maybe they wont we r all different and need different approaches right

to me personally the idea of ‘stan ot7’ is a whole realization that everything matters and without 7 members/fans/some dumb shit/whatever happened good or bad there wouldnt be bts we know and that member u may not like is also as huge part of this path as other members without this one member at some point there could not be bts at all its a short version of my thoughts

i dont wanna sound too loud or weird rn but every time people say ‘i read the lyrics and that song spoke to me oh it helped oh this song helped me to accept and love myself oh this song made me cry cuz this is the way i felt too this cured my depression this gave me strength etc’ if everything didnt happen the way it did (aka 7 members complicated path a lot of shit but also good things) there wouldnt be these comments from ppl all over the world there wouldnt be songs wouldnt be uh lets call them saved fans cuz as i saw many people discovered them when they felt really bad and their songs and lyrics and messages helped them

so about not liking one member

1 when i first discovered bts and watched my first mv (ok even before that and when i only saw one clip of bts randomly without knowing them) i had a bias already and he made me dig a little deeper and when i decided to have a blog on tumblr at first i was following only blogs about this member and no one else and thought meh i only liked him why should i follow someone else related blogs rn 🤷‍♂️ and i didnt know how the whole kpop wolrd worked at that time lol

2 after some time i got used to them but felt a little strange about couple members i just couldnt get them i was puzzled and careful

3 after some more time i watched a lot of content i read some things and oK i got a whole ass knowledge (idk how many months passed) about every member and i remember having a ‘oh my god i love him so much hes such an amazing human being and makes my heart melt’ thingy with every memberrr at some point but it happened gradually

but in ur case u were a big fan as u say before idk for how long idk how old r u idk what kind of person r u so this may be a little harder

so what do i think about not liking one member

we all r very different and our surroundings r very different and our minds too and our preferences etc etc etc and if u think about it as not a kpop situation it would be normal right dhsjdj but we r here talking about kpop and it has some rules so,,, i will continue i personally tried to get to know those members a little more and better to understand them to know what do they feel and how do they treat others or how others treat these members and what r their roles etc and even if i didnt like some idk lets say ‘habits’ after some time i just accepted these ‘habits’ like a part of their personality u know? but yeah at this point i think of them as a family hdjdjdjd after stuff they have been through and how they all supported each other,,, idk its so precious to me its huge and important maybe im a lil oversensitive or empathic but i get it a little and appreciate that they became the way they r today ( while im writing all of this somehow THE EDINGING OF WE R BULLETPROOF ETERNAL KEEPS PLAYING IN MY HEAD AND IM ALMOST A SOBBING MESS) idk how it works but with bts u r breaking ur own principles and it makes sth inside of u expand and be more open minded and mentally flexible

but yO recently in their interviews they mentioned how hard it is ( i think it was hoseok i even took a screenshot oNE SEC) here it is

cr to op

so as u see its a normal thing and even they got used to each other after some time 🤷‍♂️ (i mean not from the beginning and they needed that t i m e to learn and grow up and accept etc) and ITS REALLY PRECIOUS THAT THEY R AT THIS POINT RN THAT THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH it makes me think a lot about me and my friends and rethink some shit or the way i behave 😔

but wait was ur question ‘how do i accept the fact that everyone says love ot7 and i love ot6’ or ‘how do i love that seventh member’

ok about first question even tho i dont like solos etc even tho im ot7 i can say that people love to generalize anyway or love to attack or make assumptions so if u r not thinking anything bad about that member or not discrediting him and u r really realizing his huge role in their group and u just not a big fan of his ‘personality’ i think its not awful cuz we may not like some certain things in people and it happens esp irl with ppl 🤔 but if u r that type of ot6 like ‘ugh when will ______ quIT I H8TE HIM HES ABSOLUTELY POINTLESS’ its not good cuz well h8ing is the most self destructing thing lol and well wishing that someone should quit is also bad (and im saying this not from fans point of view) and should i even explain why

if its about second question hm u know after the beginning of this path of stanning bts and this fandom i faced many of my inner demons all of a sudden and after realizing whats the reason whats the source of those demons and after some work with them i felt a lot better and freer and relieved,, what if after accepting this seventh member and starting liking him too u will feel better too? what if its about having an inner conflict i really mean it think about ‘what do i not like about him/ why do i not like this or that/ is this that bad/ what if i liked ___ about him even tho i never liked this ever in my life/can i change the way i feel about it/ etc’ maybe u have this question in ur head rn cuz it meant to happen and u meant to work with ur inner state through this ?

i truly believe in few things 1 everything happens for the better (even tho realization can hit after many years) 2 everything happens in the best timing (for this thing! in ur life and u r ready for it) 3 if u dont like something and cant get rid of it just change ur reaction/perseption whatever that word is saying this from my own experience and there r more but dhhdhd

so at first just think about it if u need u can write it down somewhere it will help u to get to know urself better as well

ok maybe its not that deep but for quite some time whenever something bothers me i write it down to the notes starting from what happened what do i feel what exactly made me feel like this and why and what can i do to feel better

fr everyone can think of everything like ‘its not that deep’ but at the end of the day literally everything even little thing can help us with our mental state (after some work ofc) we better not underesetimate this world and things that happen to us 😔😔😔

also i wanna apologize for couple things english is not my first language so i tried my best but ofc there r typos and yes i dont have a habit of using punctuation i hope its not a big problem to u 😔

[scarletrebel]

a thing about rw.by

this is a whatever. not a meta or a theory or really a well-thought out critique. if anything I guess im just voicing my frustrations. if you like rw.by, please, please dont read this. you wont like what i have to say and i am in no way looking to upset rw.by fans, i just need a good old fashioned shout into the void. theres some things i liked in here too that actually came out whilst writing aha, so its not all my bullshit.

my main gripe with rw.by at the moment is the lack of character development for ruby rose. you know, the main character? which i think is the reason why my heart breaks a little that i dont love it as much as i used to. i identified so much with ruby. a little girl with a heart too big for her brain, who just wants to protect and help, having to come to terms with the fact that the real world doesnt make noble goals like that easy? thats my childhood right there. 

the latter is something that hasnt been touched on as far as ruby rose’s character development goes until this season, and even then it hasnt really been touched, or lightly brushed, its been mentioned. ruby thought saving the world wouldnt take that long, that the world wasnt as big as it is; she apologises to jaune for dragging jnpr along with her. all INCREDIBLE MOMENTS I was really happy about, but they werent expanded upon. it was like the writers wanted to hit a checklist of ‘make sure the audience knows ruby is naive and sad but hopeful’ rather than making it more engaging to learn about as aspects of her character, which is just lazy storytelling. 

show, dont tell. they’ve done that with juane. they’ve shown that he’s upset about phyrra’s death, they’ve shown him get mad at the situation and with qrow. he’s never outright voiced these things about his character like ruby has about herself, and we all knew she was a little naive. season one, weiss accusing ruby of being a bad leader and them showing the audience ruby trying to get better was so much better than just having her be like ‘im a little naive but ill fight for the greater good!’ like she has so blatantly been this series. 

like, why would she not get mad at her own uncle for keeping her in the dark about someone wanting to kill her?? ruby’s what, 16 at this point? 15 at the least? would she not at least be a little bit annoyed, and would that not show some character growth on her part if she was? my naivety ended, personally, when i stopped trying to be so dang optimistic, (this can become more complicated to explain, as obviously you still have to have hope in the world while keeping a level head and ruby is still young, but, thats another conversation) and if that moment hasnt happened for ruby after 1. penny dying 2. phyrra dying 3. her uncle keeping important information from her 4. her sister having her arm sliced off 5. her friends being split up from her 6. nearly dying to a foe way more powerful than she is, even with her silver eyes -- then when?! 

and lets just get it out of the way -- i dont fucking hate juane. i really, really like him as a character but i just fucking wish he got less of a spotlight because so much more attention is being payed to him and his journey and how everything affects him over ruby. it just is, and it sucks. i like theorising about his semblance, im pretty certain he’s really fucking powerful just like ruby is, but if he unlocks and masters his thing before ruby does i will be so pissed, and the only reason i say that is because it feels like thats the way its headed. 

juane is a lovely character. he’s heroic, he’s actually quite brave and smart, and he’s a good fucking friend. he’s a brilliant support character. but for the love of all that is holy, focus more on ruby when they’re in the same scene. about how he’s helping her on her journey, why could they not have had one conversation about phyrra on screen is my question. they did it really, really well it season one, and i was very loud about the fact that no, juane doesnt get more screen time or attention, but during season four it feels like he -- like everyone that isnt ruby or the other three titular characters -- has over ruby. 

just, please, rwby season five -- give ruby rose more character development. prove me fucking wrong and reveal that you were playing the long game, please.

also; i havent watched the last two episodes, but if it turns out the ‘’’cure’’’ to yangs ptsd is a new arm. fuck, man. please no. but i cant really comment on that yet so, we’ll see. i actually, up until seeing the preview for her spraying her arm and all that, really liked yangs journey. and taiyang is such a sweetheart i adore him. he was so patient and gentle and loving with yang, a few moments had me cringing but overall, an enjoyable part of the season. i hope yang gets to punch adam in the face. 

blake’s journey is one ive enjoyed also. and tbh, i think sun following her and thinking she was on a personal mission to take down the white fang is a very sun thing to do, and i think blake surprising us all by saying no im not gonna do that is a very blake thing as well. sun is spontaneous, carefree to a point and very dedicated to taking down bad guys. projecting that onto blake was his mistake, and im really glad that blake is the one to voice the audiences frustrations at how annoying it is that he follows and harrasses her into taking action (even when a part of us knows that she should -- a really, really well written aspect of blakes journey actually, i really liked it) (sun really needs to have a ‘okay im being a creep im really sorry’ moment but i dont see it happening. again; prove me wrong, guys.)

blake so, so needed to see her family. im glad she could see that and im not surprised that she wanted to run under the guise of ‘resting’ like. come on blake, we all know you’re scared shitless. her characterisation was on point, probably the most out of the four girls. blake was a+ in this season and im really happy about that, come to think of it aha. i hope she gets to punch adam too.

weiss im satisfied with too, although i really wish that ironwood and her got to talking. he didnt necesarily need to save the day for her, i would think that a guy fighting her own battles -- even if it is a ‘good one’ like ironwood -- would irk her, so it wouldve been nice for them to talk. (im still fucking salty about juanes ‘you can have her’ to neptune like lmao fuck off you fucking dudebros THAT WAS SO ANNOYING anyway) weiss being able to call off the thing she summoned before it hurt the lady would be a sign that yeah she’s getting strong but she’s learning control, so. shrug. 

papa schnee is an asshole, where is mama schnee?? and i FUCKING LOVED THE PLOT POINT THAT HER DAD MARRIED INTO THE FAMILY. please let this be an opening for a badass but subdued for Reasons mama schnee (although my hope is not that high)

my main, number one, OVERALL problem with rwby since the end of s3 to s4 is that they dont give the characters that need and deserve the most time and attention just that. i know its a small crew, i know that what they do and the time they do it in is amazing and admirable, and i do admire it and applaud it, they work so fucking hard and deserve praise for that. but they dont use their time wisely when it comes to assigning it in the narrative. and thats more of a writing issue, anyway. 

and another fucking thing. the majority of the interesting characters that arent the main four and are alive and have been developed or made mysterious enough to warrant interest from the audience are fucking men. and yeah, no duh jade, welcome to every piece of media for fucking ever. qrow is an asshole that everyone loves, raven is probably going to turn out to be a bitch -- the majority of salem’s ‘court’ or whatever are dudes. ironwood. ren got backstory over nora. blakes dad. adam taurus. for all that i love him, fucking juane. did we learn anything about phyrra that wasnt her explicitly telling us her backstory? no. we felt sad that she died because of her connections with other people, but, lets face it, mostly juane. im still adamant that she didnt die just for him, that she knew there was a bigger picture and genuinely loved him, but from a narrative pov him and his reactions was a bigger focus point especially in the aftermath with season 4. 

(ruby fucking unlocked an ANCIENT POWER BECAUSE SHE SAW PHYRRA DIE AND SHE DOESNT GET TO HAVE THE SAME EMOTIONAL SCENE ABOUT IT THAT JUANE GOT??? PLS LAST TWO EPISODES. GIVE HER THAT AT LEAST. PROVE ME WRONG.) 

i remember at a rwby panel at rtx one year, when asked about making a series that has four female protaganists, the guys said that they didnt see it that way, that they were just writing a story about a bunch of kids and yeah, i get that. but its not. 

its a story about four strong, tested, young women and they need to stop being oblivious to that because the narrative is fucking suffering. 

end rant/

[vivianrhopper85]

Bad Neighbours and How to Deal with Them pt. 2

Your home is supposed to be your personal sanctuary; whether you live in a house, townhouse, apartment, or condo. While you can control what goes on inside the four walls of your personal space, a neighbour, good or bad, can make or break the quality of your living arrangement.

Two years ago we posted a piece brimming with helpful tips on how to deal with bad neighbours. Since that time we have been contacted by a number of people looking for advice since they are struggling to cope with bad neighbour problems that have spun out of control and made things unbearable. The advice offered in the first article provides excellent general preliminary steps on how to work your way through most problems through an open dialogue and conflict resolution. While all of these situations are best dealt with mature face-to-face conversations, there are particular scenarios when you feel like you need to take things to the next level.

In order to help those who are dealing with escalating neighbour problems, we’ve created a part two to the series that dives a little deeper into some common neighbour related issues, and offers practical solutions to implement in early stages of conflict and after the communication lines have faltered.

Before you do any Demolition make sure to ask your neighbours first

Renovation Resentments

Alexander Louie:

Hi. Help please. I have a bad neighbour that is very against me doing an addition and 2nd level top up. They even tried to apeal committee of adjustments approval but to no success. I’m about to get permits for construction but was informed i may have to breach into there property because we sit so close to property line. Looked up permit to breach but that is for old construction for safety & health. Is there anything i can do so even if neighbor complains i could just shove it in there face. I normally wouldn’t smug it but this one would be called for. Everyone in the neighborhood is cheering for me and seems like this might be a racial thing.

Major renovations are an inconvenience for everyone involved: they’re messy, costly, and loud. When undergoing a large project (demolition, extension or addition) that is going to create a significant increase in traffic, noise pollution, and some days that the exterior of your home isn’t going to look pristine. It’s best to warn your neighbours ahead of time.

Once you have ‘green lit’ your project plans, visit all of your surrounding neighbours (and the ones directly across the street). Provide them with all of the details you can surrounding the final result of the project, time-frame, as well as your contact information and your contractors for the time during the renovation (this is particularly important if you’ll be moving out temporarily).

Show your neighbours places where the view from their home will be particularly different after the renovation to help prepare them for the change. It’s also a good idea to show them these plans before seeking permit approval since this shows them that their input is valued (also make sure that you respectfully listen to their input towards project while realizing it’s your house and your money).

As long as everything you are moving towards is legal and reasonable, most neighbours are going to be good with it. If you see a new perspective, like how your new balcony overlooks their pool, odds are you can find a way to give everyone the privacy they deserve. If not, try to reach a mutually agreeable resolution. It never hurts to show up with some fresh baked cookies or another "peace" offering to help display that you’re a good neighbour who cares.

Keep in mind that your project will be annoying, and will be an inconvenience to your neighbours. If you’re not living in the house during the renovation to monitor closely, you need to be particularly sensitive. When the project is underway it’s a good idea to check in with your neighbours. Approach them honestly about any delays and respond swiftly to any complaints they have.

Make sure the work team cleans up at the end of each day to avoid debris ending up in your neighbour’s yard. If their cars get covered in dry wall dust, pay to have them washed. Make sure that the work crew is abiding by the standard construction time guidelines for your neighbourhood. Small gestures can go a long way towards keeping the peace! After the renovation is over, don’t forget to invite your neighbours over for some tea or cocktails so they can see the final result.

The alternative to playing nice is your neighbours complaining, a stop work order being issued, and your contractor potentially being warned and/or fined. If one neighbour does complain, odds are the solid relationship you’ve worked on building with your other neighbours could help keep your project running in the agreed upon timeline.

As long as you don't have neighbours like Rosemary, you can solve everything

Bullying In The Backyard

cheri:

I live next to a neighbour from hell, they have lived next to us for 8 years . We have had property damage on our house, crotch grabbing, damage to vehicles they would smash their car into ours. Yelling calling police stating we assaulted them even when we were not there. Making things up to police. Police don’t take us seriously that its just a neighbour dispute. They ask us why and we don’t know. We cant talk to you the police anymore. I have fear for my children and husband that they will somehow harm them. The list is very long for what they do. Today the police came and started accusing my husband of following one of them. We have a son with leukemia and I have thyroid cancer we don’t need the extra stress and who has the time. We need help but from who we don’t know. We would love to move but financially we cant. They wont leave us alone.

Terry:

My niece has a neighbour who is making her life hell. This neighbour (thought to have alcohol/chemical dependency) has called Children’s Aid saying that the children are not fed properly and are not dress appropriately. Children’s Aid visited my niece and found the complaint unfounded. A few days later this same neighbour called SPCA complainting that the dog for foaming at the mouth and vicious. The visit from SPCA was again unfounded. My niece has been accussed to egging her house, which she did not do. In fact her house was egged as well. I should mention that this is a townhouse. This neighbour also complaints constantly to the landlord about my niece as well as other tenants. My niece approached this neighbour to find out why she is doing this and her comment was that "I will do whatever to get you to move". My niece has don’t nothing to this neighbour to be treated like this. The landlord (who I might add is a slum lord, but that is a different subject) contacts my niece everytime this neighbour complains even though there is no basis for her complaints. What can be done? She does not have the ability to move.

Bullying, unfortunately doesn’t stop in the school yards. There are a number of grown-up bullies, and even worse they could be your neighbours. In 2013, a legal case between Ralph Scala and father Felice, known as the "Junction Bully", justice was served to 28 neighbours who had been terrorized by this unneighbourly creep. Former neighbours suffered through over ten years of stress and fear at the hands of Scala who damaged cars, threatened them, threw rocks at windows, and flooded lawns. The ruling of the case led to order controls including the Junction Bully staying outside of the area from St. Clair to Lakeshore and Jane Street to Landsdowne, in addition to remaining at least 500 metres away from the neighbours he once intimidated on a daily basis.

Thankfully, most neighbour concerns don’t reach this level of scope and trauma, however there are certain steps you can take if you are being bullied by your neighbour. First off, if you aren’t fearing for your safety, try to talk it out calmly and civilly like adults. If that is not possible or you do and nothing changes, make sure you keep careful documentation of the problem. If you’re renting, contact your building management company or landlord to see what they can do to help with the issue at hand. Because you are providing specific evidence they will be better able to address it.

Mortgage Broker and Landlord Simmer Principio says,

I want to keep my tenants happy because it’s in everyone’s best interest. Happy renters stay in the property longer and may even provide referrals to other friends looking for a place to live. If I have a neighbour or a tenant driving others away, it’s not just a community problem, it’s a business problem that is impacting my bottom line. Building management can’t ignore complaints of bullying or harassment, period.

Another option is to contact your city or building for mediation to help mitigate the problem and find a reasonable solution for everyone. If that fails, you could always go the legal route, which can be costly, time consuming, and damage the relationship beyond repair. Sometimes it’s just not worth it, particularly if it is impacting your health and quality of life, and you’re better off considering a move.

Make sure your story doesn't end like the one in The 'Burbs

Yard Maintenance & Garbage

Joy:

Hi Jamie, I live in a townhouse and between my unit and the next unit there is a grass area about 5×12. The new neighbour a tenant moved in Oct 2016. They are using this area as a dumping ground. (plastic bag, pots, plastic bottle, paper, old furniture, you name it.....). I can’t speak with them as I get furious each time I come out of the house so nothing good will come out of me so wrote them a letter, within minutes they cleaned up. spoke with the owner nothing has been done. They have so much out now the garbage pilled up to about a 2ft. With the snow covering it, I have not idea the city will pick it up. I am a single woman living alone and kind of worried if I take action they might retaliate but I have not choice. Would you know who to contact on this matter? I have pictures to show too. Please and thank you in advance

Ash:

Hi I’v been living in my house for the past 16 years none of my neighbors on either side maintain their properties I cut their lawn dig their weeds and water their grass, things were going ok until last year we had a downspout put in between our houses everything is to code but apparently the water spout which is no where close to their property is apparently jumping on to their driveway and causing it to crack. It was raining and we caught her damaging our spout kicking it we had to call the police we had no evidence but they spoke to her to which she replied she was kicking the stones close to the spout! The police basically sed they cant do anything to contact the city anyways then they called the city who then told us to put an extension to the spout so it goes directly on to the grass which we did the city guy came checked everything is in order we was hoping chapter closed but no now that snow has fallen she has dug like a well in the middle of both our lawns she knows how I like the property maintained and does things to provoke me I feel Im living in my home in my own own property with no peace shes always trying to do things to provoke us what can we do pls help its driving us crazy

It’s best to tread lightly when it comes to dealing with your neighbours, particularly when it comes to how they maintain their yards. Often people are unaware that a problem even exists, and many are happy to resolve it. Some people prefer to remain anonymous and send a typed letter via the post to complain about an unkempt lawn or pile of garbage that needs to be cleaned up. This also potentially protects your anonymous identity should you need to go to the city about the problem. If the neighbours are renters, consider contacting the home owner directly, since it is their responsibility to ensure their property is properly maintained.

Before you complain, in person or via anonymous note, do your homework. Research your area’s zoning laws and protocol so you know if you are within your rights to complain.

If all of this fails to work, keep detailed notes on the events that have happened, including dates and times, take pictures and/or video of your evidence, and take note of other neighbours who have also voiced similar concerns. If you wish to file a complaint about neighbour’s grass and weeds exceeding the height of 8 inches or 20cms, you can call 311 to voice your complaints, and the city will send your neighbour a notice providing the offenders with two weeks to maintain their lawn, or they will provide the maintenance and add it onto their property tax bill.

For neighbours who have lawns littered with garbage, you can contact 311 to complain using Chapter 629, Property Standards 9, 10B and 22A which , "requires all yards and any other part of a private property be kept free from garbage, pests or conditions that may attract pests or constitute a health, fire or other hazard. Garbage that is kept on private property has to be stored in containers."

For your litter bug neighbour chapter 548, Littering and Dumping, Section 548-3, "makes it an offence for anyone to dump garbage including organic waste (including fresh, frozen, dried, cooked, prepared foods and leftovers) on any piece of land in Toronto."

This is the reason you don't want Harry Potter as your neighbour Source: Hollywood.com

Pet Problems

Anas:

Hi I live in vaughn. My neighbor has a big and very loud dog. They put there dog in backyard as early as 6:30 am when its still dark outside. The dog barks and keep barking. We can’t sleep at all. My doctor put me on antidepressants because of it. I filed complaint with video evidence with city. The inspector from animal service phoned me after few days that we left notice at their home to call us. The barking is still going on. Can’t sleep. Trying to contact city but no response from them. Guide me what actions can i take Thanks

Alexandra G.:

Hi there, I have some neighbors that just recently bought a puppy, and when it comes issue of where they allow their dog to relieve themselves, they deliberately pick up the puppy from where it wanted to do its needs(which is beside their property, on their lawn), and move it/train it to poop on our lawn! I’ve even looked out and opened the window, and they saw me seeing them poop their puppy on our lawn, but they just ignored me (they usually do this at night when they think no one can see them, but also in full daylight). I live in a single, detached home so there shouldn’t be any reason for them to push their dog on our lawn (as their lawn is as equally in size as ours). I love dogs, and it’s not the puppy’s fault for their disrespectful behavior. Please help, as this is quite stressful!

Pets can enrich our lives, but our neighbours don’t always feel the same way. It is a pet owner’s responsibility to make sure that your pet does not disturb your neighbours. Toronto has anti-noise bylaws to help people file complaints surrounding repeated barking, whining or noise-making of any animal in a residential area under Municipal Code Chapter 591. Fees for these offences on the first conviction can clock in at a maximum of $5,000. Most noise complaints received in the city are related to dogs. If an approach to your neighbour about their noisy pet doesn’t improve the issue, call Toronto Animal Services at 416-338-PAWS or send them an email at animalservices@toronto.ca and report it. If the problem continues, legal action can be taken against the pet owner, and Animal Services can educate you as the complainant about next steps.

Neighbour letting their dog defecate on your lawn? A lot of people don’t realize that even if they clean up after their dog it can damage private property. If talking isn’t working you can contact the city at 311. Tickets are generally around $250 for owners who fail to take proper action to remove excrement left by a dog.

Bit by a neighbour’s dog? If you are not satisfied with your neighbour’s response to this bite, after getting any medical attention you need you can report the dog who bit you to Toronto Animal Services, seven days a week between 830AM to 730PM.

Arnold Schwarzenegger in Comando would not be a good neighbour

Wildlife Woes

Katerelou:

What do you do with three annoying neighbors? I have one next to me who is renting and they do not care for their lawn. They have BBQs and throw their bones in the backyard causing rats to run in and out of our backyards. We had ask them to split the cost on our fence that separates our backyards due to the fact that it’s not stable and they refuse. We do not have any information on the people who own the house. Then I have on the other side a lady who calls to give anyone and everyone tickets on cars that park on the side of the curb after three hours. She also gets another lady who live a house down to measure people’s driveways when people are home. I find these people ridiculous. Also the lady that calls to ticket people has dogs. Her dog bit mine through the fence. I filed a complaint and she said we will not get a cent out of her cause she knew people in the city of Mississauga. To this day I have not received any information or email back on the case with my dog and it has been three years. Any ideas to deal with the trio that torments our neighborhood?

John:

I have rodent issues, that have multiple entry points into my house! I had pest control over and they stated my two major issues are 1) my neighbour feeding the rodents.. peanuts and birdseed.. and the 2) neighbours tree that is over my house.. when I confronted my neighbour she appeared to listen! But 5days after this day of discovery, she is still feeding the rodents! As stated, I have multiple rodent entry points on the house... all within 15 feet of where this Lady is feeding the rodents... they have also damaged the interior drywall in one room... I had a tree company come out and look at the tree, but wanted her commitment to cutting it, or they wouldn’t get involved with it.. they too stated, the rodent food is the number one issue, I’m facing.... The only route I feel that will work with this knucklehead, is small claims court! (Aside from an independent professional) Any advice would be appreciated...

If your neighbour doesn’t understand the consequences of feeding wildlife, even when you try explaining it to them, you should be aware that they are breaking city bylaws in Toronto and Hamilton. Animals who are fed by humans can become dependent upon artificial food sources, and will lose their natural fear of humans and domesticated pets, which becomes a riskier situation for everyone involved. This can also lead to unwanted animals who become aggressive when they don’t get the food they’ve become accustomed to receiving. Complaints can be made to the city by contacting 311, where the city will take the time to educate and warn residents. If the feeding does not stop Municipal Licensing and Standards an investigation and charges can be laid under City of Toronto Municipal Code such as Chapter 608, Parks, Section 608 - 36.

Not every parking dispute ends like in Bad Neighbours 2

Parking Problems

Karin:

My friends neighbours have a camera pointed directly on his property ( his driveway and door entrance) it is is not pointed on their property at all . this neighbour is situated on the left of his detached home.they watch when he and his guests come and go and call the by law should any perceived infraction occour such as parking for more than three hours on the street most of which are proven to be false. these calls and complaints happen sometimes more than three or four times a day! . As i friend i have driven in and caught the neighbour peeping around looking in and around his property because , i assume, his car was not there, so they asssumed he was not home and did not recognise my car. They have also uttered discrimitory slurs towards him because he is gay. My friend is renting this house....moving is not an option , what can he do?

Some areas are really competitive when it comes to readily available parking spaces, which means that at any point and time you could be vying for that perfect spot with the person who lives next to you. Sometimes this can lead to heated parking disputes, whether it’s guests parking for too long, or parking too close to a neighbour’s driveway.

Even if you aren’t technically blocking a driveway, you can also be fined for parking within 60 centimeters of a laneway or driveway if someone is going by the precise letter of the law. It’s often best to let these situations slide, particularly if you and your guests are parking for longer than the regulated time. As annoying as this can be, when a neighbour calls the parking authority, they are within their right to do so. Try to problem solve around this.

Have a neighbour with a driveway? Consider asking them if you or a guest can park in their driveway during your next soiree to avoid your guests getting ticketed. Don’t forget to thank your neighbours who lend their driveways with some flowers or chocolates.

Wes Bentley in American Beauty was the worst neighbour

Not Respecting Boundaries

Jim:

My neighbour is a retired city employee. He was, at best, surly when he approached us to tell us what he thought about something in the past. I had to tell him not to bother us anymore; then police had to get involved... a few years ago he widened his driveway – more than a foot onto our property; something I pointed out but was not given the time of day. I was forced to build a fence without resolving the driveway issue due to his constant incursions into our yard and garage – we would’ve built the fence anyway for the sake of our kids and dogs. I cannot find a suitable location to run the water away from my house and when I dig trenches along the other side of my fence, he fills them in (the fence is not built up to the property line; he parked a truck on the encroached driveway portion that hasn’t moved since – and can’t. City won’t remove it as derelict because they’re buddy-buddy). All I want is the encroached driveway removed so I plant some small hedge-type trees to offset the fence being farther off the line. But I couldn’t talk to him about it – he hit me when I tried (police said that was ok since I was at his door). I’m worried about legal costs – or at least my wife is. I’m worried we have waited to long. We have a survey and performed a boundary mark up before we built the fence – the survey is on record with the city. Why do we need to pay money to have him removed from our property? How can we deal with this?

Sometimes neighbours won’t respect property boundaries. After you’ve tried looking at your respective deeds to see where the property lines are, if no resolution is reached you’ll need to pay for a survey of the land. Depending on your relationship with the neighbour you can split the cost. If tensions are high, it’s likely worthwhile to pay for it yourself.

Once you know what the boundaries are, you can notify them and they should make the required changes/ move their things. If this does not work you can contact the City of Toronto and submit a fence dispute application where the fence viewers will help you decide on an appropriate and logical space to place a divisional fence, and even make a call on who pays for what.

After you know exactly where your boundaries are, they should move their belongings. If not, try going to mediation. Many homeowners associations offer mediation services. If yours does not, you can hire a private mediator to help you work through the encroachment issues. Otherwise, you will have to go to court and have a judge order the guy next door - to keep his things next door.

You don't want this Beetlejuice situation repeating at your dinner party

What If You’ve Had Complaints Called on You?

Maha:

Hi I have been living in this furnished appartment an upper unit for a few months now with my husband and three children aged below 6 years. My neighbor below is retired. He has been complaining to the management about noise. I did all i can to reduce the children noise to the minimum. But it seems he has taken it so far and i think he has depression so he is over reacting. He fires a horn every time someone steps a foot on the floor. But tonight i heard him shout after i dropped the mobile on the floor. I am terrified. I dont know if he has gone mad and my harm us. I also can not move now. Im helpless

If your neighbour is complaining about you, take heart and think about it from their perspective before you react. If you’re in a building with thin walls and ceilings, take off your shoes when you get home and try to walk with a lighter step, and put down a carpet. If it seems unwarranted, connect with your building management to see if there is something they can do. Pick up after your pets, and be kind before you start a war with your neighbour. For tips on building a better relationship with your neighbours from day one, consider reading some advice here or here.

from News And Tip About Real Estate https://jamiesarner.com/toronto-real-estate/2017/06/dealing-with-neighbours-2/

[gooeyguy]

email to my teacher (warning alot of personal stuff)

Hey so, sorry to email you out of nowhere like this? But i feel like maybe im finally at a point where i can explain more thoroughly why im having trouble with school or just succeeding in general. I think its really important that i tell you some of this junk because theres a chance it might make the rest of the year easier for you and me.

I wanted to start off with apologizing for all the trouble ive caused you throughout the year with the annoying comments, disruptions and backtalk.  And most of all the terrible ability i have with doing and turning in work.

This email is mostly to explain my situation and reasoning for acting/struggling the way i have been (not to annoy you or be sarcastic).

Alright so, if you havent noticed i struggle with some things and one of them i never really bring up is ptsd. I have been diagnosed and im hoping to enlighten you on my specific issues with it, (everything i mention will apply to me as to make it less confusing from here on)

 I have a specific type of ptsd called Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD; also known as complex trauma) This type of ptsd is different in that it results from repetitive, prolonged trauma. My causes for being diagnosed are specifically natural-detachment from my mother and physical/sexual abuse growing up and some other things im not going to mention.

My side effects from this are,

Attachment – "problems with relationship boundaries, lack of trust, social isolation, difficulty perceiving and responding to other's emotional states, and lack of empathy"

This is strongly linked to my reactive attachment disorder and explains alot to why i am the way i am. Heres a link to a website http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/mental-health-reactive-attachment-disorder#1 that explains a bit of what it is so that i do not have to make this already long email that much longer, i would also really appreciate it if you read even just a little.

I have an extreme lack of trust in others and am constantly doubting myself, there is not a second of the day where i dont think im a horrible person, i could be doing better, im disgusting to look at ect. The social isolation is a big problem for me, because im “this way” i feel that bothering others with my presence/problems/medical difficulties ect. is not necessary and for the better. Hence why i refrain from asking when i really need help, im scared to bother you. I dont want to make you angry and i know you and mrs mumford are already so stressed by the time my bell starts.

Biology – "sensory-motor developmental dysfunction, sensory-integration difficulties, somatization, and increased medical problems"

This ties into my Fibromyalgia and eds which ill explain more about after i go through ptsd. Its all kind of one big mixed bag of disorders that tie together and make me the way i am.

Affect or emotional regulation – "poor affect regulation, difficulty identifying and expressing emotions and internal states, and difficulties communicating needs, wants, and wishes"

Like i talked about before i feel extremely useless and annoying when asking for help or even talking about the things i enjoy. And when trying to explain my difficulties i stop midsentence or forget words/forget what my problem is and it becomes frustrating.

Dissociation – "amnesia, depersonalization, discrete states of consciousness with discrete memories, affect, and functioning, and impaired memory for state-based events"

THIS is what i blame for never being able to remember anything. With fibromyalgia i have whats called “brain fog” and with the constant dream like state im in because of dissociation it makes my memory absolutely terrible. Remembering your names in class took me until almost 3rd quarter and it was utterly embarrassing(i still forget sometimes), its even more embarrassing when i forget basic buttons on the calculator and have to ask in front of everyone looking like an idiot.Or when i try to shout out an answer in class and it comes out gibberish because my mind is everywhere all at once, Or when we have a test on the formula we learned a week ago, and of course my mind draws a blank. I cant remember, and it makes me so frustrated with myself that i want to break down right there in class. It renders me doing weird things too, like the other day i put the icecream in the bread drawer, and on sunday i woke up and got ready for school. Theres alot of other things i could say but its as if fibro is laughing in my face.

 Dissociation in my own words is feeling like nothing is real, things dont feel like they happened. What does feel real is the pain/feeling in my body, i am a very anxious and jumpy person so im very sensitive to loud sounds/touch/weather and certain (triggering)  talk among students. And yet i still feel in a daze,My vision will sometimes blur and i am very prone to falling/accidents, staying focused can be extremely frustrating because my brain feels like a cloud, its almost uncontrollable like a dream. I dont think anyone can control those very much so i think its a good example.

Behavioural control – "problems with impulse control, aggression, pathological self-soothing, and sleep problems"

Im pretty okay with impulses, i of course have alot of very impulsive thoughts but i am good at controlling them id say, same with aggression but i very much so struggle with sleep problems because of nightmares from ptsd and chronic pain from fibro, i have not been diagnosed with insomnia but im sure i fit the criteria im just really bad at opening up with doctors/people ect.

These are just a couple more symptoms to help explain,

Cognition – "difficulty regulating attention, problems with a variety of "executive functions" such as planning, judgement, initiation, use of materials, and self-monitoring, difficulty processing new information, difficulty focusing and completing tasks, poor object constancy, problems with "cause-effect" thinking, and language developmental problems such as a gap between receptive and expressive communication abilities."

Self-concept – "fragmented and disconnected autobiographical narrative, disturbed body image, low self-esteem, excessive shame, and negative internal working models of self".

Alterations in relations with others, including isolation and withdrawal, persistent distrust, a repeated search for a rescuer, disruption in intimate relationships and repeated failures of self-protection.

Loss of, or changes in, one's system of meanings, which may include a loss of sustaining faith or a sense of hopelessness and despair.

Variations in consciousness, including forgetting traumatic events (i.e., psychogenic amnesia), reliving experiences (either in the form of intrusive PTSD symptoms or in ruminative preoccupation), or having episodes of dissociation.

Changes in self-perception, such as a chronic and pervasive sense of helplessness, paralysis of initiative, shame, guilt, self-blame, a sense of defilement or stigma, and a sense of being completely different from other human beings

Now that im done explaining the ptsd, Fibromyalgia

Fibromyalgia is a chronic pain disorder that my doctor believes to be linked to my other disorders, Fibromyalgia has to do with the senses we as humans all have, feeling, hearing, taste, and sight. The difference between someone with fibro and an average healthy person is lets say theres a knob for how strong each of these senses are, so imagine someone taking all those knobs and turning them all the way up to max sensitivity. Youd think oh cool youre like a super hero (like my sister likes to say) but no its the exact opposite, it does not benefit me whatsoever. Feeling, paired with ehlers danlos syndrome both my joints and my muscles are constantly in pain and some days ill have what you call a “flare up” which is where getting out of bed usually isnt an option for my body, i cannot remember the last time i didnt feel at least a dull ache in my head, i get migraines at least once everyday and unfortunately i get nauseous so i dont eat very much . Almost everything is irritating to my skin, a simple light rub of my finger on the top of my forearm is irritating and raw feeling (like ive been sitting there rubbing the same spot for hours) /Writing is over all painful, including typing as well/

If youve ever woken up in the morning with sore muscles from pushing yourself too hard the day before,that is how the muscles in my body feel, if you press on them they ache, and sting/burn when i use them. painful touch for most of my body paired with constant anxiety of getting bumped into/touched is stressful and tiring. On a good day my pain scale is a 5 from 1-10 but thats if im really lucky.

Then theres the weather, if im too hot and i start to sweat, the sweat stings my skin and i end up going into a frenzy of scratching and agony.  If its too cold my joints will start to lock up and become painful, its like they freeze and when i move them it feels like im shattering ice in my hand mixed with dull muscle ache. If its a good temperature theres still the feeling and i swear, the sound i can hear of my joints grinding together like two pieces of rubber being rubbed against eachother slowly.

Hearing is also bad, loud sounds are very irritating to my ears and will cause my migraine to get worse.(Talking too loud)Other irritating sounds, paper rubbing against paper roughly making that blblblb sound, high pitched noises of any loudness, squeaks, repetitive beeps ect.

Sight wise turning on lights abruptly is painful and makes my migraine worse, any bright light in general.

Taste doesnt really matter so i wont mention, but because these knobs are turned full blast it means the nerves and pain receptors in my body are being over worked constantly by my brain

And my brain thinks its doing its job by constantly acting like ive been running triathalons.

The recollection of pain comes in avalanches of distress for me. I usually experience the intense turmoil of fibromyalgia in the winter, or whenever cold fronts shatter the air and its frail victims. My limbs cannot contain the strength possible to function during those cold spells. Fibromyalgia’s lengthy sentence comes and goes for some, but, as a teenager, it’s disheartening. For the rest of my life, I will never be able to remember living without every waking moment marked by pain.

The abnormality of fibro weighs on my shoulders when I’m asleep, awake, or anywhere inbetween. I wake up at 4:30 each morning in order to be shuffling around by 6:20 a.m. The heaviness of my body pulls me down and pains me as I take a shower, put on my clothes, and put my small backpack on my shoulder to head out to school. Any sense of touch creates extreme levels of pain for me. Touching my arm, poking my leg, and brushing against my back hurt as much as twisting my ankle. My distraught reaction is a lot like a dog crying in pain and distrust after you accidentally step on its paw. Because im always in pain im always right next to the emotional breaking point, im always on the verge of tears. The smallest things can make me break down.

The pain prohibits me from being a teenager. Thanks to fibro, I cannot dress up in my favorite clothes and be what you call “Extra” everyday as i so much wish to be during the winter. My hands are crooked and shake too much usually to apply makeup. I struggle with applying eyeliner, because my hands hurt too much wrapped around a brush. The uncomfortable school chairs make me weep when I return home, because they destroy my concentration, forcing me to focus on the overwhelming pain I feel. I used to excel in school, but now, I can barely think fast enough, and come off as ditzy. I feel like I’m constantly struggling to maintain the fragments of my intelligence I lost due to fibro medication and fibromyalgia itself.

My GPA, became my ball and chain in school, rather than an accomplishment worth sharing. During the year, my schedule is dictated by the weather. Cold weather causes agonizing, excruciating pain that races down my spine and branches through my limbs. If a cold front passes, rain falls, snow falls, or temperatures drop, I freeze like the Tin Man, except there isn’t any oil to move my joints. The way I get sleep should be considered a torture method. Many people feel refreshed or renewed when they wake up after 8 hours, but I feel completely restless and exhausted. And thats if the nightmares from the PTSD dont interrupt. I toss and turn for hours in pain, because the pain signals interrupt the sleep cycle. I cry intensely whenever I think of sleep; school usually means a lack of sleep, but I am further deprived without choice. My biological system cannot allow me to rest, and continues to tense my muscles in a constant state of flight or fight.

With most schools starting at 8 a.m., my body struggles to run on 8 hours of sleep (which really feels like two). The exhaustion prevents me from hanging out with some of my closest friends. In the early stages of having fibromyalgia, I used to be able to do school clubs, hang out with my best friend, and go to cons with my friends often. Now, I spend my time huddled down, trying to make up for the nights of lost sleep. The lack of sleep and the endless pain contribute to extreme depression. And to keep my mood relatively happy i act like a goose in school with friends which doesnt do me good with teachers, I do it to not break down and let myself get too low around others because i know id regret embarrassing myself like that more than anything. The pain yearns for my thoughts to leap toward suicidal thoughts, and I was obsessed with death for years and still am. There was a time when I searched for ways to end my life, because nobody could help me and I couldn’t face living the rest of my life knowing that I’ll always be in pain. I still have these thoughts, and I believe I always will as long as I emit pain. Hence why i was in the hospital for a week recently, the hopelessness and embarrassment is dragging me down. The whole idea of having fibromyalgia embarrasses me. I’m embarrassed that I am constantly being called crippled, disabled, or chronically ill.Or worse not being noticed at all while struggling. I’m embarrassed that fibromyalgia makes me feel like I’m 67 instead of 16. I’m embarrassed that I will never be able to be an artsy beat poet like Patti Smith, or a rock ‘n’ roll guitarist like Keith Richards.

So i think thats as much as i can cover for you right now with my two of my biggest problems , im extremely exhausted and im not joking when i say my fingers feel like they are gonna fall off haha.  

Im terribly sorry for how long this email is but i think i got most everything with these two topics in there, also dont feel obliged to reply to this, im already embarrassed i even wrote all this down (terribly).

Quick thing i would like to say before i end the email, with all respect i am not looking for sympathy in any way. I am simply stating the way i am  in hopes that if you understand itll make things less stressful for me and you. So dont feel like you have to do anything for me.  

Thankyou for reading if you got this far, really. (btw forwarding this to Mrs. m******d is totally okay with me)