#I wonder how that came up on her insta explore page

[libertyreads]

Book Review #17 of 2023--

The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight by Jennifer E. Smith. Rating: 3.75 stars.

Read from February 4th to 7th.

You know, I went into this one with pretty low expectations and I was pretty surprised that there’s a 2012 release that isn’t a full cringe fest. Maybe going in with no real expectations is what made this one surprisingly good. This book came out in 2012 and is a romance about a boy and a girl who meet at an airport and somehow fate and maybe not love at first sight but a chemistry at first sight bring them together. I would say the romance is pretty central to the story, but only in that it gives the main character a vehicle to discuss and explore her relationships with other people.

I will say that this book is probably not for people who don’t enjoying flying. A large chunk of the book takes place either at the airport or in the plane. I enjoyed it because I like to travel, but that’s just me. We also spend a chunk of time in London and traveling through London as the main character tries to make it to her father’s second wedding on time. Otherwise, the narrative really explores what happened between the main character and her father and her feelings on her father getting remarried. We also get to see how her falling in like/love with the love interest opens her up to having a relationship with her new stepmother. It’s an odd one because the romance is important to changing how the main character interacts with other characters, but at the same time it’s not the most important part of the story. I’m just glad the main characters and I can agree that Heathrow is just a bad airport.

Overall, I think I would have enjoyed the book more if (and I can hear you all saying it at home) it were longer. I think I got pieces here and there that helped me buy into the romance, but I would have loved to spend more time exploring their connection and them both being mystified at that connection. I don’t buy into the insta-love thing unless there’s a sense of awe and wonder there, a kind of understanding that this does not just happen but somehow it was for them. And I really think that point would have been driven home with another 25 to 50 pages in the section before they arrive in London. But I will reiterate my point that this is a 2012 release that was not a cringe fest for me. I think that needs to be celebrated.

[tuituipupu]

.

[polygamyff]

38. Part 2

I want to question Maurice if he is feeling warm because of the layers he has on right now but I won’t, he probably feels comfortable, protected this way that nobody will notice him but we are in California and it’s not cold but I guess it is what it is, I won’t say anything but I am judging him. He seems to be very quiet now though, I don’t regret bringing him because I think it’s best this way, I can watch him, I can keep an eye on his wellbeing “are you ok?” I have to ask him, I just feel like something is bugging him “uh, yeah. Just thinking, I am ok though. I mean I am with you so of course I am ok” I cooed out “did you leave boo thang at the hotel?” I didn’t question that “I guess you haven’t really looked in your bag, it’s in your bag at the bottom, she is with us” I gasped “you put her in my bag, you and this damn bear!” opening my bag “I put it deep down, like very down” digging into my bag feeling around for the bear, and there it is “pootie, why?” picking it out of my bag, he just shrugged “it’s cute, don’t you think?” he said, I just sighed out “why do you like this bear so much?” I would like to know because it was the cheapest thing, he keeps it with him “because it’s such a simple gesture, it’s the simple things I like. It comes from the heart, I like that” that is sweet, placing the bear between us, reaching over and taking his shades off “I want to see your eyes Maurice, I feel your warm in this” Maurice shook his head “I am ok, I am feeling a little tired though. Little bit pain in my leg, just getting used to things. I guess” I love him with my whole heart “does it upset you with people react to how you look?” I think it does “look at this” Maurice leaned forward, he pulled up his sweat pant leg, reaching down “I see, it’s dry skin and you have been scratching it. It’s just bled out” lighting touching the spot “I think it’s the effects of the tablets, every tablet does have some sort of effect. But we will get some cream and fix that, don’t scratch it though, try and not too please” Maurice pulled down the sweat pant leg “I am trying to get better for you, I am trying to eat more to make me more fat. I mean like imagine trying to get freaky with this, I couldn’t either” shaking my head at him “stop it, I don’t expect you to be better in a day. Maurice, it takes time. You’re jumping, stop it. It will be special for us, and your dick works so who cares” I giggled “I lost a lot of weight haven’t I? I don’t like it, I look worse you know” grabbing his hand “then I guess nobody else will look at you which is good for me” Maurice laughed out “oh I see your game” I shrugged smiling, now I don’t need to worry about no girl.

Reign has been so quiet, for once anyways. I think car journeys for her she enjoys, they are peaceful, but she is wide awake just staring out of the window. Unlocking my phone “oh yeah, Leon said he can’t come right now so he will see us later on, probably about midnight for him you see” tapping on Insta “that is ok, wait till he seems me, he will be like where did you find this tramp from” he worries on what people think too much, tapping on my explore page “I found him at Davenport hotels” I said laughing “wow, you agree too” squinting my eyes, this does look like Maurice and someone. Tapping on the image “oh” this is Malik’ page “look” holding up my phone to Maurice “that is you and Malik? I noticed your pouty little face” Maurice smiled looking at it, he looks genuinely happy “look how dark I was there, so I remember this. I was just turning nine, I came back home in Texas, but we had another home. I just came back from being in South Africa with my dad, and I caught a real bad tan and we came home, it’s my birthday so my mom wanted to see me. Malik wouldn’t leave me alone, look at my arm. He kept bugging me so I was upset, my mom was like he is little brother be nice but I was being a brat. I wanted to be back in Spain, I didn’t want to be in Texas, boring Texas I used to say. I wanted my nanny, I remember it all because my mom flipped and said I am your mother, and yeah. What did he put?” moving my phone away and looking down “he put, I miss you big bro, I hope you get better. I still love you” Maurice shook his head “he fucked up” he mumbled; I think it is a cute picture “with your face like this, I know where Reign gets the attitude from” I am keeping that picture.

Home sweet home, I mean it’s been my home and I have missed it so much “look at my home” I grinned “your old home, are you going to gather your things while you’re here?” Maurice said, I just took in a deep breath “I don’t think I will get the time Maurice, so I may need to come back again” Maurice nodded his head, he understood. Looking over at Reign “little momma we home now” I’m happy to be home “are you ok to take Reign?” I asked Maurice “for sure” he pulled his hood up over his head as he got out of the car “daddy is coming to get you, you look so cute” I put on her best dress, my mom hasn’t seen her in a while and she bought her this dress that finally fits her, unbuckling her as the door opened “where is my Mi Amor?” Maurice said and there she go, she showed off her gums, she loves him so much “my big girl, you got so tall now” grabbing my bag from the floor of the SUV and shuffled out, quickly grabbing the bear before I got out, can’t leave this now “I left your suitcase just there” the driver said “thank you, can you get the car seat out for me and leave it there also” I asked him, stepping out of the car and kicking the door shut “Maurice come, let’s go inside. I’ll get my dad to get the case” I don’t want him to do anything “but I can, I’ll just take you in” walking towards my house “stop it, I don’t want to hear it. I want you to rest, then later we will get some ointment for your leg” pressing the doorbell “sure, I just think I’m going to cause shit being here, for you anyways” I don’t want to hear it, he’s my husband. Shaking my head in annoyance, the door shot open “Robbie! Oh my god, Robyn!” My mom jumped on me “oh, baby I have missed my daughter so much” hugging my mom close “I missed you too mom, I love you” this hug made me feel some type of way, a little sense of sadness “are you ok?” I asked “I just missed you” my mom moved back to look at me “my beautiful and-” my mom abruptly stopped talking seeing Maurice “you poor thing, Maurice. Is he ok now?” Reaching up and taking his shades off “he is getting there, it’s been hard for us” my mom walked around me and hugged him “it’s good to see you, honestly and my grand baby! Look at you” Reign clung onto Maurice “come on in, please” walking into the house, I’m wondering where my dad is and here he is “oh you back, Robyn” smiling at him “come here” he hugged me “where did the rest of Maurice go?” Shaking my head “stop” moving back from the hug, I am not sure if he was trying to be funny.

Sitting next to Maurice “she is clinging onto you, isn’t she now. Don’t be like that baby, this is my parents” rubbing her back before pushing his hood back and taking off his snapback “we’re inside now Maurice, it’s ok” placing his snapback on my lap “I know but you bought the case in, I can do it you know” fixing his overgrown hair “I know you can Maurice, never said you couldn’t. Just you had Reign” he is very anxious; I feel it from him. Turning a little and sitting back on the couch “it’s so good to see you Robbie, I have missed you so much. It’s been hectic for you, I am sure” I groaned out “trust me, it’s been a mess mom, but I got good news. I have got the job in New York; I mean it was easy. They gave it me like as soon as, I am so happy mom. I feel blessed, so that is a good thing don’t you think?” my mom nodded her head “baby I am so happy for you, all I want for you is the best baby” watching my dad walk over to us, he is looking at Maurice but he can stop now “so you got the job in New York? You’re doing it?” he said, he sat down and let out a big sigh “I am, and it’s the best option for me, for us and Reign. I am happy to move there, I am just sad to leave my city, I love California, but my life is with Maurice, I will…” I dragged out as my eyes diverted towards the TV, I swear I heard Maurice’ name on the TV, my dad would have the news on “with the Davenport business expanding, rumours of Maurice in talks with Hilton which we can’t confirm and his publicist could not confirm, what do you think to Maurice, what was different from his dad to Maurice, the heir to this business?” the reporter asked “what is this?” I asked pointing at the TV “this is the segment on the news channel where they speak on business, I guess I am the topic” Maurice said, letting out an oh “he is fresh blood, he is taking what is his, I think he is coming in hard. If the reports are true about Hilton then boy, he is about to rack in the money. In his own right he is a billionaire, and we can take out the Davenport empire, in his own right he is a billionaire. This is huge for them, I mean why not celebrate and buy a sixty-seven-million-dollar townhouse, this just fuels the rumours, his placement, his vision it’s just brilliant. He has his hands in every aspect of business. He will be in Forbes and he will be putting to shame a lot of companies that are in this hotel business, he is great guy. I like him, he is giving back too. I just hope he is ok, as he has been in hiding. I mean they are in talks in Tokyo, I feel like this young black man is someone we should look too, the whole family. A black family business that made it in Texas, who does that?” this guy is really loving Maurice “do you know him?” I asked, I mean he must do “in passing, I know of him” nodding my head “he praising you Maurice, I agree” it’s nice to hear such positivity, looking over at my dad and he’s like not happy, he is mean mugging the TV.

I turned the TV off, I mean it’s enough of that “we have a billionaire in our home” my mom would say that “he’s just Maurice mom, I think he prefers that” my mom is funny “so you got a home?” my mom asked “yes, I wanted him to not do it. I think he was being silly, but Maurice did it. He got the home in the Upper east side, it’s beautiful. How many bedrooms?” I asked “erm, seven bedrooms but it’s our forever home, I don’t think I would want to move. That is it, it’s safe there” my mom’ eyes bulged out “fancy, can I move in?” I laughed “you can stay with me whenever you want mom, I think it’s hard to you know” I got choked up “to leave you here, I miss you. I miss you just walking into the home, just you. Your vibe settles me, I miss you a lot” my mom rushed over to me “baby don’t cry, Robbie I am always around. Call me when you need me” my mom hugged me “you’re my best friend mom, I love you. I just miss you” my mom kissed my cheek, she cooed out “baby, listen to me. When you need me you call me, I will be right over ok?” nodding my head “I also have some other news, I just need to say it now. I want to get it over with” I don’t want to just hold it off, I just want to say it and get it over with.

My mom looks so nervous “oh you’re pregnant, again aren’t you?” I laughed out “oh my god no, I am not pregnant. Don’t wish that on me just yet thanks” my mom is awful, do I look fat or something “sorry, I just thought you was. The way you said it” shaking my head still laughing “so, my birthday is coming up. I mean very soon, and Maurice and I decided. Well Maurice asked me and I accepted but we are going to do something small and private for now and on my birthday I will be marrying him in Texas, something very just private between us” my dad got up from the couch “a billionaire polygamist marrying my daughter, you marrying him like this? A fucking billionaire that is marrying my daughter on the low, you ashamed of her. Maybe you don’t want people seeing the state of you, you can do so much better, are you crazy? You will be his second wife” shaking my head staring at my dad, getting up from the couch “who is crazier, me or him. Probably him for marrying me without a prenup, this man you’re disrespecting will be my husband whether you walk me or not, probably not. You’re not hurting him, you’re hurting me in this” my dad didn’t know what to say “go on, what next? Yes, I will be his second wife, and his last wife. I won’t have it, no. I am not having you giving him bad vibes when he is trying to get better. You know what dad, I can already imagine it now on my wedding day, your negative vibe. I don’t need it, Maurice we are going to your hotel” I don’t want to stay here “no, you’re staying” my mom piped up “I can’t mom, it was a mistake to think he would do something for me. Who are you, I don’t think I know you anymore dad, not the dad I know, I am not staying here” I can’t stay here “no, Robyn. You are staying, Thomas, you can go” my dad looked at my mom, not even in shock but just looked at her “they are staying here, you can go to your mom’ home where you said you wanted to go anyways” my dad didn’t even say anything “Maurice, maybe I need your advice soon” my dad said before walking off to go upstairs, my mom just smiled at me with a hint of hurt and I can see it in her eyes.

[blacklynx14]

📝

Pfft,sure why not, thought more others would just reblog from me. 

Readthis maybe if bored, cause its 4 pages long.

Atthe age of about 8 years old I was small, didn’t really hit growthspurts till about 12. My grandparents retired would go up to a placecalled Greer here in Arizona for camping. They would be gone about3-5 months but we would get to visit for about 5 days to a weekdepending on the plans that Summer vacation.Beforewe arrived to Greer we received call it had been pouring the nightbefore, so drive safe. Me being young I was good and slept most thecar ride up since I don’t suffer through motion sickness like mybrother did. When we got up there I got to see a large heard ofcattle. First time really seeing them “out in the wild”which was nice.Thefirst day, was boring. Mostly unpacking and being small the abilityto explore my surroundings was limited. Second day, also boring.Family did not want to explore the area and said we would do ittomorrow. By then I am antsy to move away from the perimeter of mygrandparents RV. But I am obedient, so stay up. Third day I canfinally explore like my parents said, but then it poured again. Soexploration was nipped in the bud before it started,again.Asa child and even now I adored the rain. I loved the sound of ithitting different objects. Thanks to a story I once read I did notfear lightning or thunder. But I am what you called respectful to it.So obviously I stayed away from metal and from under trees to nottempt lighting. But since my parents did not want to get wet I got tospend my time counting lightning. I would try and see it where itstruck in the sky and I would count the seconds till I heard thethunder to learn how high the lightning was from the ground. Butby that day I was antsy and loosing it as a child. On the 4th day Ilearned we would be leaving in two days. I remember looking aroundthe forest for signs of water that would prove to be too wet totravel and did not really see much.Iwent looking for my mom, she was reading a book in one of mygrandmother’s lawn chairs they had brought. “Mom, can I goexploring now?”Iremember she glanced over at me with a slightly bewildered look..“Nosweety, don’t you remember? It just poured rain downyesterday.”“Butyou said we could explore yesterday and we didn’t.”Sheseemed to have dismissed the idea because she had looked at her bookagain, “Because it rained, you don’t know if there is deep wateror mud so it is best not to go anywhere today.”Iknew when she read she didn’t like being disturbed but I didn’twant to lose another day. So I was smart and stayed out of mom’sreach to give her space.“Pleasemom, I won’t go far...”Shehad probably heard my whine cause she sighed and lookedaround, “Where would you go? There is nothing really aroundthe camp site.”Tohonestly disturb her which I feel a little bad for now I began tobounce on the balls of my feet so show how antsy I was.“Ple-e-e-e-e-ase!”She(thankfully) gave up and said fine, as long as I stayed where I couldalways see the RV. So quickly leaving before she could change hermind I went around the RV towards the back side. Looking around andwondering there was a slightly steep dip of a slope that stretchedout for  good, say, 40 years that led to some patches of treeswhich seemed like fun. Looking for water all I saw was craggy groundand over about 12 yards to the right a little puddle. Asa child I slid down the slope and stopped on the grass right beforethe ground changed to the broken and cracked dirt. As a child I wassmart enough to toe the ground and see if it was solid. So thatshowed it wasn’t hiding water or mud underneath it. Feeling theground stay pretty solid under the pressed weight I head out toexplore. I go about two yards over the ground and I insta-sink half afoot which at my height at the time was little over half way to myknees. I was dumb enough to forget that the further out you go themore water could accumulate. So it could just sit, and make mud,which it did, that I sunk into, perfect.Beinga child who saw cartoons my first thought is quicksand. But then Istopped and looked down, I saw it was just mud. A lot of mud. But Iwas still sinking, but it wasn’t quick. So as a child logically itcan’t be quicksandif it’s not quick. I was a fluffing genius...I wiggled my foot in the mud to see if I could feel theground below me. I couldn't but I got to feel the pressure of the mudaround me holding me there. I tried to push my knees against the“harder” dirt above to climb out. But the craggy dirt broke in myhands. So I looked more half sunk to my knees in an angle which Istopped to examine the dry flat dirt and play with it for a while.Kind of ignored slowly sinking to a possible bottomless mud hole toplay with disks of dirt. Or at least in my mind my thought was wellit can't be that deep. If anything only 'my height' deep..I only ignored the dirt when it was encased mostly around mykneecaps. But more cause somewhere in the mud a stick was poking myknee cap and that was agitating, Wiggling till upright againthe movement was enough to now pull me a little further down into themud now having it over my kneecaps. I tried to wiggle my foot but Icouldn't cause the mud was now trying to keep my shoes. So I stoppedwiggling in hopes it wouldn't remove the Velcro strap and lookedaround. Yep, I was stuck in mud. And no one was really looking for mecause I would normally be safe. I looked up over the slope and stillsaw the side of the RV and its tarp. Well at least I was near the RVlike I promised. So not being much of a screamer unlessneeded I took a deep breathe and yelled, “MOMMY!”It wassilent so I repeated about 3 more times till my mother's form cameinto view and she looked down at me in shock. Honestly my onlythought was a least if I sink my mom will know where I am. She waspanicked and told me not to move as she made her way carefully downthe slope. But seeing this happen before I tried to stop her.“Waitwait you will fall in!”My mother, being my 'superhero',waved off the worlds and said “I'll be fine, just hold on!”Shetook two steps over the broken ground and just a yard from meinsta-sank too almost 2 feet due to her bigger height and weight thanwhat I had. I admit it was the most interesting thing I had seen in along time.  I got to watch the mud eat her to almost her kneecaps.The weightless pose she had as her arms went up a little from thedrop. And the large almost circular white of her eyes in absolutesurprise. Like I couldn't see that coming. I admit to laughingquietly watching all that happen with a 'Ha' going through myhead.I had smiled at her and said “Tried to warnyou..”She had paused to take in her bearings and down ather clothes, “Well at least I was wearing shorts,” as she rolledthem up slightly higher “your shorts on the other hand are ruinedby the mud.”“Want me to try and go to you?..”“Nono,just stay there and don't move.” She had reached out herarms and pulled me closer to her which was a slow process and sunk meto my hips while it pulled her down to her thighs just probably 3inches to the bottom of her shorts. But I was at least beside heragain which made me feel much safer, though we were both trapped inmud.She looked down at me with an exasperated expression,“What were you thinking coming in here?”“Hey, it lookedlike dirt and I wanted to see if I can make it to those trees.” Ihad shown her what I meant by pointing to the trees that just seemedfurther away now. Was probably cause I was lower to the ground thanbefore.“And you thought you could walk over this mudpit?”“Well I got further than you at least.”“Ohhaha..” She looked around then to the bottom of the slope just afew feet away then down at me, “Hold still and let's see if I canpull you above the mud. If you get out go back up to the RV and tellyour dad to grab a hose or rope so I can pull myself up okay?”Ilooked at her, over to the slope, then down at both of us before backat her with an uncertain smile, “Okay but I don't think that isgoing to work...”“Well I think it is worth a shot, putyour arms up.”I put my arms at a 90 degree angle and waitedto watch the magic happen again with a smile on my face. She put herarms  under the armpits of my shirt and heaved upward. She let out asurprised squeak of a yelp as I went up about half a foot and shesank half a foot reversing our rolls. Now she had mud to her hip andI had mud to my thigh. Cause when she stopped pulling the mud pulledbe back under about 3 inches due to suction. I had laughed as she hadyet again a look of surprise that her trick didn't work. Toease her of her doubts I smiled up to her, “don't worry mom, themud just likes me.”“Yeah well it seems to like us bothnow...”“Mom?”“Yeah sweety?..”“Ithink the mud is trying to keep my right shoetoo.”“Really?..”“Yeah but it doesn't seem towant my left one... oh there it is, just not as much maybe.”Shelooked around and getting to watch her shoulders shake from laughtershe smiled to me, “We're stuck, aren't we?”

“Seemslike it.”“Want to try calling for help again?”“Sure,but who should we call this time?”“Let's try calling yourdad this time and see if he wants to help us out.”“And ifnot he can join us.”“That works too. If we get him inhere let's shove off him and get out. Then we can get grandpa to helppull him out.”“That works for me, on the count of three?”

“Yeahlets do that. 1, 2, 3.”I had yelled daddy and mom hadshouted 'Dwain'! Like the first time no one appeared at the firstcall so I shouted 'dad' while mom still tried to call his name. Stillnothing.I looked over to mom since we were nearly eye levelnow, “Think he fell asleep?”“Well that would stink forus now wouldn't it?”“Yeah, should we try callinggrandpa?”“Nono, grandpa would be more likely to benapping right now. Hold on a minute and if needed then we cantry.”She had tried shouting two more timed sounded sternand my only thought was at least that was not being directed at me..After about half a minute my dad came around the RV looking lost andconfused till mom called him again and he looked down the slope atus. Thought only cartoons did it but his frame actually shookin surprise then he barked out a quick laugh.

“Whathappened to you two?”“Your daughter thought she couldwalk over a mud pit.”I smiled up at him, “I thought itwas dry, I tried to warn mom but she got stuck too.”Helaughed a little and paused, “Honey? Where is the camera?”“Don'teven think about it, now come help us up.”He began to makehis way down the slope but was smart and stopped at the grass, “Butthis would be a hilarious moment to capture.”“Maybe, butI don't need you to be showing this off to people we know. I am goingto try and hand you our daughter and you pull her out then you helppull me out.”He braced his legs and looking back lookedlike he was gonna either jump or maybe go to the bathroom and I amglad he didn't do either though he was smiling. “Okay I amready.”So in the span of about 5 minutes my mom and dadheaved me out of mud which made the weirdest of noises, but I wasagain free, though right shoe-less. My mom took about the same timeand had to get help from my grandpa from above the sloe since he gavethem the hose to hold onto and pull her out of. Grandpa had done acute funny wheeze of a laugh. Like he couldn't decide between a laughand a cough, eventually he coughed.The rest of that trip hadpleasant memories I still smile about. But laugh none as hard asthat. I was technically grounded to the RV stile once all hosed off..It slowed down that day. Was kinda boring after. But every time Irecall that memory I smiled then like I do now. I remember lookingtowards the slope that showed the craggy ground stretching out tothose trees that had been my initial targets. I still wanted to gothere but couldn't any more. But I had the thought, that I didn'twant to do that again because I wanted to keep my last shoe. But if Idid by accident again I think I would be able to smile again. When wehad returned home two days later my dad had paused when opening theside door where I was. He had asked where was my shoe, I was kinda introuble by then, but I was okay with letting the Earth keep it as amemento.

[wordssomejust]

Music Lovers

You are so damn pretty, he said as he walked over to me. He came close and placed his hands on my waist.

The dj had just started playing some great 90s jams. The crowd roared. I leaned in close so he could hear me.

"Are there any waitresses down here? My cousin and I have been trying to place an order for a while now"

"Yes, there is one down here. I will find her for you." He stares at me for a lingering moment. "You are so fucking pretty, damn."

I blush, "thank you kindly."

A few moments go by and he sends a waitress over, he looks and gives me that sweet country boy smile.

He mingles his way through the crowd, talking to guests...flirting with women. Every so often, he catches my gaze and smiles "so fucking pretty" he mouths while shaking his head, seemingly in disbelief.

His smile sticks with me. It makes me feel a little giddy, in a silly schoolgirl like way. I like it though.

I immediately shame myself for being giddy about a stranger (and obvious flirt) flirting with me as he flirts with all the other women in the room.

Time passes, my cousin and I enjoy poetry and burlesque performances while finally getting some drinks.

The host, comes back on stage, a gorgeous honey-colored girl with curly black hair and a body to die for. Her black lace dress hugs every curve of her carefully sculpted body. She announces the next act. "Ladies, are you ready to get a little moist?" She asks as she introduces a singer/songwriter from Memphis.

Next, I see Mr. Flirty with a guitar strapped around his shoulder, strolling onto stage.

He sits down, takes his shoes off and begins strumming away on the guitar. His voice sails out of his mouth. Smooth, higher than I expected, soulful, and stirring.

Now I see why he's so cocky and flirty. Women must practically through their panties at him.

He starts singing Usher's "Nice and Slow" sending the predominantly female crowd into a lustful frenzy.

Don't get me wrong, I like it too, but its a bit of a turn-off. I hate community penis or the guy that all the women are throwing themselves at. I listen to Flirty finish his set and clap as I try to forget the smooth voice, country boy grin, and the shiver down my spine when he placed his hands on my waist. He's a whole hoe...I'm sure of it. He finishes out is set with some original songs. Crooning about love and longing. He is beautiful and so are his words and his voice.

A few minutes later as I'm leaning over to tell my cousin how much fun i'm having...I'm startled by someone invading my personal space. As I turn, Flirty comes and sits in my lap.

Shocked, all I can manage is "really sir? you're just going to sit on my lap?"

"Well, we can switch and you can sit on mine if you'd like."

I sit, stuck...I have no response. so he grabs my hands, place them around his waist, and sits... on my lap...as the next poet comes up and starts talking about all the ways she'd like to lick her lover.

He turns to me "wanna switch now?"

"Yes, before my legs fall asleep, please"

He stands, takes my hands to help me up and we trade places. I'm on his lap, his hands are again on my waist and he pulls me close to him.

I place my arm around his neck.

"I have such a horrible headache." he sighs. As if we're just picking up in the middle of a conversation.

"Its likely a combination of tension and loud music." I say confidently as if I know anything about what could be ailing him.

"You're right, its probably stress...tension," He says.

"yeah, you need to find a way to relax, release some of that stress. Then you'll feel better"

"He casually turns to me, will you help with that release?"

Its so bold and unexpected and assuming and who does he think he is? At the same time its casual and sweet and a seemingly genuine question.

The words bypass the part of my brain that contains all reason and logic. Before I can catch them I hear myself say "yeah, I can."

He says ok and we listen to the poet finish her performance before he tells me he'll be right back.

My cousin didn't hear any of this. She just laughs and says "I see you got a whole boo now." I'm trying to decide if I want to tell her that I'm pretty sure I just agreed to a one night stand with a tall, chocolate, smooth-voiced, flirty, stranger.

I don't even remember what he said his name was. This is so stupid and reckless.

Its alright though, I can easily just play coy and act like I didn't mean "relax RELAX or release RELEASE." He may roll his eyes, but he'll be fine. Pick another girl to leave with and I'll laugh at the whole thing.

Although, the idea rolls around in my head a bit. I'd love to have him cradle my body like he did his guitar. His nimble fingers slowly stroking my strings. His voice in my ear, not loud and smooth like his performance, but winded and soft in my ear.

I'm in my head imagining what having him inside me might feel like when he startles me out of my sexy dreamscape. "Come here"

He says as he grabs my hand, places it on his side and leads me away. As if he knew I wouldn't offer any resistance. Of course, I don't. I simply hop up, look over my shoulder at my cousin and whisper "be right back” with a wide-eyed, confused shoulder shrug.

He pulls me backstage and into a small corner. Standing right in front of me he looks into my eyes, places one hand on my waist and the other on my neck as he pulls me in for a kiss.

His lips are soft, his tongue tastes sweet like candy. He kisses me passionately like we're lovers. Not strangers that only met about an hour ago or like two people who may or may not actually know each other's names.

"mmmm My Ann" he elongates that last syllable and breathes me in. His eyes closed like he's trying to hold on to the memory of our first kiss. I realize at that point that he does, in fact, know my name. I'm the only one that's unsure...about his name... and everything else.

Someone calls "Aye, Bram! I need you man." He doesn't turn away at the voice. He is still looking into my eyes.

"I'm in town for the show, my hotel isn't far from here. Wait for me and we'll leave together."

With that, he kisses me again and walks away. I stand there frozen and terribly out of place. Am I going to do this? Would I really have sex with a stranger? I'm 34 and have never done anything like this. Granted I'm no prude, but one night stands are something I've never even been interested in.

I walk back to the crowd. My cousin is sitting there shaking her head. I'm wondering if she actually saw anything that happened. Before I can even sit down she's curled over laughing. "Girl, what was that. Where did he take you? What the hell did you just do? Lawd I can't go nowhere with you?” I'm surprised she can get any of these words out over all the laughter.

I respond, "So, that's Bram and apparently we're going out after the show?

"Hoe, this show is over at like 12:30...Where y'all goin?"

"We're in the city" I say. "Probably a diner or something. I don't know." She looks at me like I'm either lying or naive.

"Of course I'll text you. He's a musician so I'm sure we can find his page on insta or something. That way if I go missing, you at least know who the suspect is."

She starts on her detective shit. Looks at show flyer for his name, finds his insta and just like that we have his full name. Ibram Fuller, but he goes by "Bram" he plays 13 different instruments and has worked with some pretty prominent players. He has one album out and is currently preparing to release a second. He's of course from Memphis and is seemingly unattached. She takes note, then we push that to the side and finish the show.

At the end of the night my cousin sits with me until Bram returns. "Hey friend, homie, cousin!" he says to her. I realize that I never introduced her or even mentioned who she was. He gives her a hug as if he'd known her forever too. "I'm Bram, and I'm taking your..." he looks at me. "My cousin" she interjects. "Yes, your cousin away for the night. I promise to be a gentleman and keep a smile on her face. "

"You better Ibram Fuller."

His eyes open wide and he smirks. Well I see I've been discovered. He laughs that country boy laugh. Now that the music has died down you can hear his southern drawl. Damn its sexy. It rolls off his lips, the lips that kissed me, the lips I can't wait to feel again. Not just on my mouth though. What is wrong with me?

He's talking to my cousin, I'm not even listening until. "You ready babe?" I look stuck, babe?

He turns to me "My Ann," he entwines his fingers in mine. "Can I take you away now, please babe?"

My cousin smiles "Call me in the morning cuz. Bye Bram" and she's out.

Turns out, while I was in a daze, Bram told her who he was and where he was staying. That explains what she was typing in her phone. Thank goodness one of us has some sense. He planned on putting his guitar down and taking me for something to eat so he could get to know me. He also told her that he would make sure I text her so she'd know I was safe.

With our fingers interlocked we walk towards the door. He prepares to call an Uber, but I let him know I drove, I can just valet at the hotel. He doesn't answer, he just stops, grabs my neck and kisses me again. Right there in front of everyone, at the door of the theater.

"OK, which way?" he says.

I'm struck by how at ease he is. He doesn't know me. I could be crazy, a stalker. He seems to have no apprehension at all. I, on the other hand, am playing it cool on the surface, but everything inside me is racing. However, I still want to go with him. I want to explore this night. I don't care if its just one night.

We get to my car, I plug the hotel into my GPS. Its only 13 minutes away. John Coltrane starts blowing through the speakers.

"Well well My Ann likes jazz. You just keep impressing me."

"I like a little of everything, but yes I'm a fan of jazz."

"You are so fucking pretty, tell me more."

"Tell you more like what, there is a lot I could say"

"Where are you from?"

"I'm from here, DC. Actually, I grew up not too far from here"

"Well I'm from"

"Memphis, right?"

He gives me the wide-eyed grin

"The host said it when she introduced you...and the country drawl is a bit of a give away as well"

He laughs. "You think I have an accent"

I don't think love, I know you do

We both laugh. he grabs my free hand and kisses it. Then starts to play in my hair.

"How long have you been natural"

"About 6 years now"

"I love that shit. Its so sexy."

Before I know it we pull up to the hotel valet. Bram gets out, gives the worker his room number and comes around to open my door.

We lock fingers again and walk inside. In the elevator he puts his guitar down and in a second he's on me. My back pressed against the railing of the elevator. He moves his hands slowly from my hips, up my sides, across my breasts, up my neck, and into my hair. His eyes locked on me the entire time.

"My Ann, what's your last name"

"huh" I say, lost in the pure electricity that's surging through me. "umm LeSalle. Ann LaSalle"

He smiles and kisses me on the forehead

"Ann LeSalle, my Ann. I want all of you tonight. OK?

"uh huh" I nod.

The elevator dings, 13th floor. He again interlocks his fingers with mine, grabs his guitar and we're off to the room.

The room is big and modern. The bed looks like a bed of clouds, the view of the city mesmerizing. He shuffles in after me, walking to the desk where he puts down his guitar and little duffle bag.

"I'm going to shower real quick, sit down, take your shoes off, get comfortable," he says, then disappears into the bathroom.

I'm relieved I get a moment to gather myself. I shoot my cousin a  quick text with the room number. Stand at the window and take in the view. The city lights sparkle, you can't hear the bustle on the street from up here.

He shouts from the bathroom, "there's some drank in the little fridge, make yourself something, relax."

I look in the little fridge, there is Hennessy, Crown Apple, Coke, and Ginger Ale. I pour myself a little Crown, check out the room. This place is awesome I think to myself. I take a seat in a little chaise by the window, look up at the couple of stars you can see through the city smog and exhale. The room smells like sandalwood, it must be the oil he wears. The faint smell of it is on my dress as well. D'Angelo is playing in the background. Brown Sugar. It's coming from a little laptop on the desk by where he placed his things.

He comes back out in a towel and a smile. "you good babe"

"yep, just enjoying the view"

"Indeed, so am I. My Ann, come here babe"

I put my drink down and walk over to him. He turns me around so that my ass is pressed against him. Nuzzles his face into my neck and breathes me in. His lips graze my neck. His hands wander. He bends down and lifts my dress, pulling it up over my head. Just like that, I'm naked.

I don't see him, but I can hear his smile. "So you just don't wear drawls or anything huh"

"Sometimes, but not often"

"ummmm. My Ann"

He caresses my skin and places soft kisses on my neck and shoulders. Then slowly pushes me down on the bed so I'm laying on my stomach.

He slowly touches and kisses me from my neck to my ankles. he works his way back up placing gentle kisses on my ass cheeks. His tongue lingers with each kiss. His fingertips move slowly up and down the inside of my thigh, with each stroke getting closer and closer to the center. He then reaches down and lets one finger slide inside me.

"ooooh My Ann. Did I do that" talking about the entire river that's flowing between my legs.

"Indeed you did My Bram"

I turn to the side to see his face. He smiles, then licks me off of his finger.

"I knew you would taste as good as you look."

He hovers over me, places his hand on my lower stomach and lifts me so my ass is in the air and I'm on all fours. Again he licks up the inside of my thigh then plunges his face into my pussy. Licking everything, from front to back.

Its passionate, wet, sloppy head. Like he's been starving for me and just can't stop eating. I can barely catch my breath. Every time his tongue touches me I melt. This shit is amazing. He pushes me down on my side, lays his head on my thigh and holds my other leg in the air...and keeps eating. I'm thankful for the new position. I can't even feel my legs anymore, my whole body is melting into the bed. My moans are uncontrollable. I feel a rumble starting throughout my body. The feeling intensified as he slides two fingers inside me and gently tickles my g spot while giving my clit the wettest sloppiest kiss ever.

I grab his head. He whispers "that's right baby, let it go...give it to me." He fills his mouth with my pussy again. The feeling comes over me like a wave. My entire body lights up with pleasure. Electricity throbs through my veins, down my pussy, and against his waiting mouth. He moans as I let go. I make some sound that I can't even recognize. I don't care though. I don't think I've ever cum like that. The feeling lingers, tiny aftershocks causing convulsions. He doesn't move, he keeps his lips pressed on my pussy, slowly licking with every throb.

"My Ann, good girl. You taste so good babe"

His voice causes another tremble.

As I start to catch my breath and prepare to say something witty in response, he sits up on his knees and I catch a glimpse of his dick before he slowly slides it inside me. It takes a few pushes to get it all in. He's a good length, but so damn thick. His dick fills me up and I love every inch of it.

"Fuck baby" I moan

"oooohhhhh My Ann...lets talk about this wet ass pussy of yours. DAMN"

His strokes are deep and purposeful. I squeeze his dick like I'm begging it to never leave me.

I realize he's dominated me this entire time. I wonder how he feels about women taking control. He's certainly been in the driver seat all night. I shift my leg and push him on his back.

He looks up and grins. I climb on top of him and slide myself back down on that thick ass dick.

"Good girl. he smiles"

I grind and ride as he grips my ass with one hand and my left breast with the other. Our rhythm is in sync. As I move he rocks his hips meeting me. Going deeper and deeper. I feel the rumble again. I lean down and kiss his lips, bouncing on his dick as I do. He slaps my ass "I like it baby" he says.

"you feel so good" I whisper. I sit up and pull him too me. Wrapping my legs around him and rocking on his dick as I cum again. He moans with me as my pussy once again starts to throb. This time on his dick. I'm lost in the sensation. Nothing exists but he and I. His lips kiss mine hard and deep like we both want to stay in this feeling... in this place.

Turn around

Just like that my chest is back on the bed and my ass is back in the air. He plows inside, gripping my thighs. His thrusts are merciless. Each one sends shockwaves through my body. He smacks my ass hard, then squeezes.

“Oh. My. Fucking. God.” he says through his teeth.

“My Annnnnnnnn.” He says, dragging it out. I moan

"My Ann" he says again as if he wants a response.

"Yeah baby" I say. Panting for air, grabbing for sheets, pillows everything. His dick is ravaging me and he wants to hold a conversation. Fuck

"I'm going to cum soon, but I want you to cum with me. Can you give me one more baby."

"Yes baby. yes, yes yes yeeeeeesssssss"

He grabs my hair, arches my back high and pounds every bit of his dick into me. This time it isn't a slow rumble. This feeling is deep and intense. Whatever it is, it's ready to overflow. It's euphoric. I'm clawing at the bed, my eyes rolled into my head.

I breathe in and exhale "i'm...cumming. baby. I. I. I'm cuming"

"ooooohhhhhhhh shit, me too babe". He tenses. I feel him grow inside of me. His dick throbbing against the walls of my pussy. He groans, still stroking. harder. deeper. relentless. The sound of his skin slapping against mine. His labored breath in between moans. passion exploding between the two of us. This orgasm is volcanic, every part of me seizes with pleasure. My mind frenzied, my heart pounding against my chest. He hunches over me, panting heavily in my ear. His dick inside me. The throbs lessening in intensity as our bodies try to find normalcy again.

He again entwines his fingers with mine. I kiss his hand and sink into the bed. I turn to look at him and find his gaze squarely on me.

"So. fucking. pretty," he says

"So. fucking. Amazing," I respond.

The next morning I wake up and he's in the corner of the room. A beat is coming from his ipad and he's playing softly and mumbling lyrics along to it.

"I didn't want to wake you up, but I wanted to get this melody down before I forgot it."

It's fine. Keep playing.

He strums a song and sings a mixture of words and mumbles. I just look at him. He's naked, holding his guitar, looking as if he is in his own world. I'm just there on the outskirts observing. Every once in awhile he'll look up and smile at me.

I lay back in the bed and as my head hits the pillow I get flashbacks of the night before. My heart starts to race at the thought. A night of sex that left me completely exasperated, yet longing for more of him. For a brief moment, I wonder if this is his usual play. The same routine he does with different women in different cities. All left feeling intoxicated with his pleasure but ultimately forgotten.

I push the thought out of my mind. I don't want to be his girlfriend, I just wanted a great night. I got all that and more.

"come over here" he wakes me out of my daze.

I stand up and pause by the bed, letting the light from the window wash over me. Also, letting him get a better look at the fine well of melanin he got to dip into last night.

He licks his lips "bring your pretty ass over here."

I sashay over to him. He reaches for my hand and guides me to his lap. Placing his face in my neck and nibbling at it. I blush and squirm against him

"Do you play?"

"No, never did learn to play anything. I've always wanted to play the guitar though."

"You sing though, right?"

I look at him puzzled, "yeah, I do actually."

I can tell by the way you moan. Its almost like you're singing a song. It's sexy as fuck, I'm trying to hear it again before I leave. Annnd there is the country boy grin.

"let me hear you sing something."

"Dude, I literally just woke up. Who rolls out of bed and starts singing?"

"You do, today. What do you want me to play?"

I can't believe how nervous I get. All of a sudden the woman that just confidently strutted across the room in all her glory feels like a scared little kid. "Um....maybeeee...My Funny Valentine."

"oh...My Ann. Are you trying to make me fall in love."

He starts playing chords, then looks up at me. "Go ahead babe."

His look is endearing. Not cocky or flirty like the other night. More comfortable and genuine. This is his zone, his happy place. I felt like he was inviting me in.

I begin with a deep scratchy "myyyyyy" before clearing my throat and grabbing some of his water. I start again. " Myyyy Funny Valentine" The words sail out of my mouth as he closes his eyes and plays along. Mid song he puts the guitar down and starts kissing my neck.

I inhale deeply and grab the back of his head.

"Don't stop singing"

I keep on "don't you change a hair for me, not if you care for me"

My breath is choppy trying to sing the notes as tongue explores my neck and shoulder. His right hand cups my breast and he slides his finger in circles around my nipples. His other hand slowly explores my pussy, which is once again overflowing.

he slides his finger inside me, then brings it up to my lips, stopping my song and placing it on my tongue. I suck his finger and moan.

"See, how good you taste"

He continues to play with my pussy, teasing me, dipping his fingers in and out of the pool of wetness that has materialized between my legs. The way he moans and whispers my name is intoxicating. I'm under his spell.

He stands me up and bends me over the desk, once again he's inside me. Full and hard, he inhabits every inch of my pussy. Like I am his home, he's comfortable there, moving and grinding inside me. With every stroke, I throw my ass back on him.

"oh, you're a feisty girl aren't you?" he says as he smacks my ass. It stings so good.

Come here, baby. He turns me around and I sit on the desk wrapping my legs around his waist. He takes one leg and puts it over his shoulder. We kiss and rock and moan. I feel dizzy with pleasure.

"Don't cum yet baby, I want you to wait for me"

"Sit down," I say. He sits on the chair as I kneel in front of him. I slowly lick from his balls to the tip of his dick. I rub the tip across my lips and moan. I can taste myself all over him. I lick my lips and start to take his huge dick in my mouth licking and sucking it. I savor it like an ice cream cone, running my lips across it. He's big so I spit on it and used my hands to stroke the base of the dick as I suck. One hand tickling his balls. I take him deeper and deeper into my mouth, gagging and quickly catching my breath before going back to work.

"Ohhhhh My Annnnn." He runs his fingers through my hair. I feel his body tensing. So I take my time passionately and sloppily kissing his amazing penis.

He lifts me up and sits me on him. I grind my hips back and forth, as he presses his fingers into my hips. We kiss some more.

"please baby....please Ann cum with me. Shit please baby I want to feel it"

The sound of his voice sends electricity surging through me.

I can barely make out what he's saying. I'm caught up in a euphoric buzz. The room blurs, the sound of the music playing in the background is a muffled mess. I'm moaning so loud if people are next to us, I'm sure they know how our morning is getting started.

I wrap my arms around him, kissing him hard, pressing into him.

"Babe, shit...I'm gonna"

I don't get the words out before I start to cum. I feel him throbbing inside me. He lets out a grunting moaning Fuuuuck sound and collapses into the chair. I collapse on top of him. Completely spent.

In between labored breaths, he whispers "My Ann, tell me this won't be the last time"

[rickhiebert]

The “Mystery Female Caller”

Bill Good, on his March 12, 1993 CKNW, after Foran and van Isschot left, had a caller phone in who I will dub "The Mystery Female Caller (MFC) She opens by saying:  she is " ...a sad and disgusted Unyssey taffer"

She adds "These people are on their way out and won't be around next year. and a lot of us who will be around next year are look at what happened this year are shaking our heads.'

Bill Good asks "What happened/"

"On two counts, the paper came very close to being shut down and we had a Young Conservative circulate a petition calling for The Ubyssey's fuding to be cut off. He came up 29 odd signatures short of the...."

Bill Good interrupts then she goes on.

"...The paper came very close having a referendum on whether or not we should have our subsidy cut off from the students."

Comment: 20 odd implies between 20 and 30. Jason saunderson (next post) will say 16.

Second comment on "almost stut down twice" a) I was in the Ubyssey office almost every day and although the AMS was Not incredibly. happy with us, nothing like that had happened....yet as of the time of the broadcast. b)  British Columbia Report, the conservative newsmagaine, wasn't a big fan of The Ubyssey. In June, they would send reporter Ellen Saenger to campus to do a story on the fuss with The Ubyssey. Had The Ubyssey "almost been shut down twice,” Saenger would have reported this. But she does not.

Bill Good asks "Are you backing the paper in what they out in the paper/"

"No, I think the paper downplayed it. We completely covered it up, We didn't fulfill our role as the student media covering that giant issue as far as I'm concerned."

Coments: 1) I covered what up? I've replayed the tape several times and I don't follow..

2) MFC seems to vary between "The Ubyssey (2nd person) and "we" (first prtson). Make of that what you will....

Observations thus far while CKNW goes on a commercial break.

1. Granted it has been 25 years. but I don't recognize MFC's voice

2. MFC offers no identifying details, so I can guess who she is. Not that she is a "plant" but that makes me wonder.

About being a plant. There was enough details floating around about The Ubyssey that you could try. Bill Good, bless him, could be fooled.

After the commercial break, Mystery Female Caller is brought back.

Good asks "How would you describe The Ubyssey?"

MFC replies "A student paper is supposed to provide an alernative to explore issues that aren't  discussed in the mainstream. we're supposed to be the students the inustices in society and how the students can change them and there is room for putting in controversial material that no one else would so we should. However some of tha material that came out this year...some of us we're really embarrassed about and disgusted. We did run hate literature in the Valentine issue. Something that ifit had been against a woman instaed of a man, I think that probably there would have been major legal action."  

Pictures or it didn't happen?

Okay, go to  the Feb.12, 1993 issue of The Ubyssey; I wouldn’t advise it at all....

You'll notice that it is an "ad ghetto" page and the author is "Beast" Filler cribbed from a "rough trade" magazine of some kind for gays?

From what I recall. there was no visit from the RCMP, no letters from a lawyer. If anyone had been approached, he would have probably declined to proceed on Charter grounds.

So MFC was perhaps fearful or only pretending to be. Nothing happened about that article specifically as far as I know.

As you might pick up, critics of The Ubyssey tried to hang “controversal” items around the paper's neck like the dead albatross in the fanous poem. In alluding to this article, when they say that there were some things in the article...they are not being accurate. 

Are they thinking 'Oh I can just say whatever...'?" no one in Good's audience has seen it. They will never check. 

Bill Good now interrupts and notes that a mainstream paper had called The Ubyssey "a smutty campus publication". I think I know who and in what context.)

Mystery Female Caller continues: 

"I think mayne in that particular issue we did make a really big mistake, and why I'm really angry because i think the editorial collective this year is ultimately responsible enen though it;s staffers too. We should have been there on that production night and made sure it didn't happen, What I would like to ask if where we are left, the future staffers. None of the figures are very relaible. We print 15,000 issues. It looks like the pickups are 4,000.

I picked up every Ubyssey from a box when it came out. Most were picked up. An outsider "plant" could guess 4,000 but they would have been wrong. Had i noticed that there were stacks of unread Ubysseys, being an ethical journalist, I would have said something to Ellen Saenger  when she wrote her story in June as an FYI. Ask both the Ubyssey and its critics how many people read it.

MFC adds: "We lost $5,000 in ad revenue so far and they're still coming in."

I didn't hear it when I came in The Ubyssey office and it was my default hang out place when I came to UBC.

MFC continues: "The AMS is getting angry letters ll the time. They are at a point where they are conidering cutting ties with us in a divorce agreement. There's no way The Ubyssey could survive without its subsidy. It's a really scary situation.. The Ubyssey is in deep trouble."

Small point Why not "We are in deep trouble."

I'll be posting on Ellen Saenger's June 21 1993 British Columbia Report story on this.

Bill Good asks the Mystery Female Caller if The Ubyssey should be worried about attacking the AMS, the UBC administration and such.

She says "We shouldn't under normal circumstances... But in this year....Now there are good and bad years, there are better and worse papers. And last year {this year just ending] and this year, there were inexperienced editors. This [coming} year, there will brobably be very inexperienced editors,"

At the time of Good's broadcast, the editorial elections for the following year had not happened yet. They were on yes/no paper ballots for each person.  She does say "Probably", but how does she know who will be picked and how unexperienced they are?

A "plant" calling from the outside may say something like that

The MFC continues: "We're in a situation where student opinion is so much against us because of bad papers and bad news judgement that we are in danger of being shut down because this is a real threat.and we could be shut down really easily."

Well, any unease wouldn't last. In the 2008 Ubyssey history From The Penthouse To the Basement, 1006-97 editor Scott Hayward credited Engineering students for getting out the vote in the 1995 AMS referendum to bring The Ubyssey back to life. The Ubyssey's "side" won handily. But...i'll get to that in another post.

One last peculiar thing with the MFC. The *very* next caller to make it on the air was Ubyssey critic at the time Jason Saunderson (my net post).

Seeing as thought tens of callers had called in on other topics on the same broadcast, I wouldn't be suprised if you smelled a rat.

This is how it could have gone. Mystery Female Caller knows Saunderson. has been primed by him to be a "disgrunted staffer". This is why some of what MFC says may not be eactly. right. The current editors don't know what they are doing. Next year's editors, who haven't been elected yet, won't know what they are doing. Things like that.

MFC and Saunderson call at the same time. Maybe, they are in the same house with two different phone lineas.

They happen to go 1-2 in the order. Now, as CKNW has hundreds of thousands of listeners in Vancouver and on the Island., How likely is that to happen?

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

This Instagram poet is making young people feel less alone

It's a rare but wonderful thing when you see yourself on the pages of the book you're reading. I found myself furiously nodding my head and scribbling in the margins as I tore through She Must Be Mad, a new poetry and prose collection by 22-year-old Insta-poet Charly Cox. 

SEE ALSO: 17 queer artists you need to follow on Instagram right now

The book is divided into four (highly relatable) sections — namely: she must be in love; she must be mad; she must be fat; she must be an adult. Section by section, Cox grapples with her own personal battles, and in doing so, tackles the universal issues being faced millennials and Gen Z-ers. Things like mental illness, struggles with body image, dating in the world of apps, and coming of age in the era of social media. 

I had a feeling this book would be right up my street when I read the lines, "for every girl who feels too much" scrawled on the blurb. I am one such girl. I feel, on days when my anxiety is particularly bad, like my heart is going to beat right out of my chest. I feel, on some days, like my inner voice — my "confidence thief," as Cox calls it — is my worst enemy. Reading this book made me feel less alone. 

Other women and girls have come forward to Cox since the publication of She Must Be Mad to tell her that they too feel less alone after reading her book. 

"I read a quote the other day along the lines of: 'the most personal is the most universal,' I've learned that a lot since the book has come out," Cox tells me. "It's been a really overwhelming experience seeing so many girls find a bit of them in a bit of me."

I Wish I'd Not Spent So Long Crying In Bed

A post shared by Charly Remy Cox (@charlycox1) on May 22, 2018 at 7:43am PDT

Cox recognises that through sharing her innermost thoughts and emotions, she has opened up a dialogue with those who also feel and think in the exact same way. "It's crazy how universal our most inner and vulnerable feelings are when we are always so sure that we are the only ones to have met them," says Cox.

Poetry is something Cox has always written to help her process her emotions — even if she "didn't know what to call the scribbles in the backs of diaries or homework planners" at the time. "It was always a place of coping," says Cox. "A weirdly innate way of processing my pain and confusion." But, this book isn't just a way for her to work through her own feelings. She doesn't think there's enough of "anything" out there about "young people living with mental illness." 

Image:

"We live in a time where we are all so aware that so many of us are struggling and suffering, we're now starting to talk about it, which is great, but it's not enough, it won't be until we scientifically know more," she says. 

Given that recent research by the American Psychiatric Association suggests millennials may be the most anxious generation in history, it's unsurprising that Cox's writing has struck a chord among young people. Cox's frustration at the dearth of relevant poetry about mental illness spurred her on to create something people her age could relate to. 

"With poetry I always found a lot of what I'd read with sadness as an underpinning came across as the tortured artist, a bit glamorous," says Cox. "It wasn't showing the full facets of what living with depression is actually like." 

Cox says that poetry has tended to glamourise mental illness. But, as most people living with mental health issues will tell you, it couldn't be further from glamorous. 

"It made me frustrated," Cox adds. "I wanted to show other young women that they weren't alone and they were justified in the complexities and it's fine and important to not see them as quirky or darkly beautiful."

One section that's particularly resonant is 'She must be fat,' in which Cox explores her complicated, and at times, deeply negative relationship with her body. In the age where being on Instagram fuels constant — and deeply harmful — self-comparisons, Cox's struggle with her own body image is one that many people — young and old — are living through. "We're constantly in a state of comparison," says Cox. "'Why am I not her?' when you're not even sure if she is really her or if it's an angle, or a filter, or a piece of Photoshop."

Despite Instagram's recent ranking as the worst platform for young people's wellbeing, Cox hopes that she and her fellow Instagram poets — like Rupi Kaur and Yrsa Daley-Ward — are creating a space away from the negativity.  "We all have a collective responsibility I think to be kinder minded with what we post now we know what damage it's already done," she says. "Poetry is such a meditative thing to throw into that machine, a small slice of hope or reality amidst the madness."

Cox wants her readers to "feel less alone" when they read her book and "to know that one day, some of this all might make you laugh." 

In the meantime, when all your struggles don't seem funny at all, that's fine too. "You are justified and it's real and there are others around you who have tools for you to borrow when you need them," she says. "Even if it is just a poem."

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