#I won't lose you again [Emmeline]

[thebrandxnharris]

Brandon wasn't sure what to say to that, because she was right. There were a lot of times when Emmeline crossed that line from being worried and caring to being obsessed, a bit of a stalker. But, of course, Brandon would never say that out loud. Not even behind her back. He was glad though, that she was seeing it, and he could see something going on behind her eyes. The realisation. He could only imagine how much that hurt. "You're only res-sponsible for your own actions, and your in-intentions of them, Emmeline..." Brandon tried to reassure her, tried to make her see that Alara being bad didn't mean she was bad for helping her or being her friend.

He shook his head almost immediately when she started to say that Max didn't care about her. "I-It's not as black and white as t-that, it never is," he sighed, he knew it was probably a lot to take in at once. He remembered having to have these conversations with his Dad whenever he'd break out of an episode - where he'd remember how he was sick, how he was dying. Doing this with Emmeline brought him all the way back there, and his heart was in the pit of his stomach as he sat here with her. But he'd stay here, as long as she needed, even if it hurt him. It was his biggest strength and greatest weakness. "Max..." He swallowed. "He's having a child with Ana, Em... A-And you and her, I-I know you were friends but you s-said a lot of th-things that hurt her, and I know you didn't mean to do it, I know, it's okay, but... Max needs t-to side with her, for now, f-for their child..." Brandon hoped he was explaining softly enough that it wasn't adding to the pain, but strongly enough that the message would seep in. "Give him time, a-and importantly s-space... I know it's hard..."

People won't love me back but there's got to be a reason why. Brandon hung his head, his heart somehow sinking even lower, as if it stood no chance of ever feeling light again. The same thought had been going around his head as he watched his childhood love marry someone else. Why aren't I enough? He wasn't in any position to offer any advice about that statement, so he let it pass without comment.

A beat of silence fell between them, as he thought about all the loved ones he'd lost in recent years. "We don't really lose anyone..." Brandon was in a position to talk about loss. More than most. "S-Sure we might not be able t-to see them again, physically, but we don't lose them completely," he bit the inside of his cheek a little as soft eyes fell upon the older woman again. "People, um, people don't really die until t-they're thought about for t-the last time..." Brandon could feel his own eyes welling, and he sniffed up and quickly wiped them both. "When my..." His voice caught in the back of his throat. "When my Mom died... Dad, um, Dad told me t-to always feel the grief I felt whenever I-I thought about her," his gaze dropped back down to the floor. "He s-said-- the grief is just all of t-the unexpressed love I never got to give her..." Brandon nodded a little. "A-And that's okay... It's okay, Emmeline," he furrowed his brow as he looked up at her, nodding again.

the recent happenings were too much and something was also happening inside her own head that she couldn't explain. nothing seemed to be working and just when she felt like she'd taken a step towards getting better, she took fifteen steps back and lost her best friend in the process. nothing felt manageable but it did make a difference just having someone sitting with her now - it made her feel safer. brandon was a gentle soul, one that had patience with her so she didn't feel so alienated in his presence. the woman had been there for him before but she wished she'd been able to do it more.

shaking her head, emmeline's eyes widened. "i don't think caring and obsessive are the same thing." miyeon, max, steffi, sasha, alara - there always had to be someone who was her main focus, who was that person that supported her. it was the most self-aware she'd felt in weeks and was a little surprising seen as she was fully lost last night. "i didn't help her, she helped him and i really thought she liked me, that she cared about me... but." it wasn't true. "and if alara doesn't care about me, max doesn't care about me. i was stabbed and he said nothing. he said nothing." it was said in a whisper, a deep contrast to how the similar line had been delivered to adriana last night. "people won't love me back but there's got to be a reason why." closing her eyes, the lump in emmeline's throat felt so so large as tears fell, thinking about all the times max had comforted her, made her feel better, valued. there were too many times and that was an issue but it all felt like a fever dream. "i know i have to let go but it's hard." she nodded before wiping tears away with the side of her hand. "i need to learn how to accept i've lost people. i've lost him so i should let him go. it's okay, it's okay." she felt absolutely crushed but she needed to accept things for what they were.

[youngestlongbottom]

(A new dress and a pair of boots rests on her bed along with a sword and a shield) 

Evie, 

Now that you’re in Gryffindor, you’d better start sharpening that sword. I’m so glad we’re together this Christmas. I love you so much despite all the bumps in the road. Stay strong my amazing little sister!

Emmeline. 

[recommendedsongspoetry]

THE DAYS GO BY BUT I SWEAR I WON'T RETURN TO YOU IF WE NEVER CHANGE

Emmeline, I'm not falling in love As much as I am a fool for not doing so. I kissed you by the lips I introduced you to my favourite songs And opened the skies just to be by your side And I fucked it up by the end- My heart beats for your heartbeat But I know that you'll leave me standing alone And everyone who cares Will grow sick and tired of your name The memories of you Stick in my hair and blur up my eyes The fantasies of you Blind me when my eyes are fast asleep I've become a better man I'm sure that love exists in worlds far apart from me now And all the people who know May turn away in fatigue from my ghost Happiness does glow inside me As it should, my eyes are not so stubborn However I make the fatal mistake of coming back to you- You and your mint car. Emmeline, I want to fix your smile To kiss your naked face When all your makeup has run out I don't want to see you cry And god knows That's been the case before You are my bird, my prideful swan That I could never hurt or lose I hold you in my arms Your sensual plump figure And I feel less like I'm a sack of bones and words And I get the desire To cover you in kisses To show you my deep devotion And I am shameless in admitting That this is the way my heart beats- One Two Three When you walk past, I feel my heart race and cry I'm not published nor famous But you've made me an author in my own write I don't know how I can stand Another day with you Without feeling Ill with nostalgia And Emmeline if we meet again I'm not sure of the man I am yet to become The days go by But I swear I won't return to you Won't crumble with the fear of loneliness That you were just a girl Who was ugly inside And who I did not require To make myself less of a boy But we both know (with the evidence laid out) that that is false.

[youngestlongbottom]

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